VishaalY/house-md-transcripts · Datasets at Hugging Face

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House	No, can't. See, ironically I'm bound by this court order which your ace attorney got. I have to make him all better before shipping him back for the state to kill him. Is it just me, or is that weird? Anyway, we're walking.
House	Somebody left this on my chair. It's clEver. Forces me to either deal with the file or nEver sit down again.
Cameron	Cindy Kramer. I told her you'd see her.
House	You shouldn't have told her that. She's got metastatic squamous cell lung cancer, six months, tops.
Cameron	Have you Even looked at the x-ray?
House	No, just guessing. It's a new game. If I'm wrong, she gets a stuffed bear.
Cameron	A spot on a x-ray doesn't necessarily mean that she's terminal.
House	I love Parkldren. So filled with hope.
Cameron	It could be pneumonia. It could be sarcodosis.
House	Could be, if she didn't already have swollen hilar lymph nodes on the other lung.
Cameron	Could we at least brainstorm for other ideas? [He takes the x-ray and puts it up on the light board.] Thank you. [He begins to write on the board.] I still think it could be pneumonia and sarcodosis, but we should check for tuberculosis and definitely rule out congestive heart failure. [She looks to see that House has written "denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance"� on the board.] The five stages of dying.
House	Exactly. Personally, I think it's all just new-age crap, but from your tear-filled, puppy-dog eyes I think I've made my point. Now go tell Cindy WhatEver-her-name-is that she's dying. [He walks into Diagnostics, where Chase and Foreman are sitting.] Tachycardia, pulmonary edema, likely suspects?
Cameron	[following him in] The Death Row guy? That's who you're working on instead of Cindy?
House	God, I've got to learn not to beat around the bush. By dying, I meant no matter what we do. Very, very soon she is going to be dead. Is it still to subtle?
Cameron	I took an oath to do no harm.
House	Yeah, well, it's not like they make you sign it or anything.
Cameron	We cure your Patient, he goes back to Death Row. He goes back to Death Row, they kill him!
House	He stays here and we don't treat him, he dies, and I still don't treat Cindy Lou-Who.
Foreman	Can we get on with this?
House	Yeah, I knew I could count on your help for your homie.
Foreman	[sarcastically] Exactly, I'm black. I sympathize for guys who grew up in the city kept down by the Man. [Chase smirks.]
House	Makes sense to me.
Foreman	It's a bunch of crap. You can't blame society for the fact that you chose to become a killer. The guy's pRobably a heroin addict, that explains the tachycardia, which caused the pulmonary edema.
Chase	How does an inmate on Death Row get his hands on heroin?
Foreman	Are you serious?
House	The Man knows prisons. When we've got a yachting question, we'll come to you. Okay, drugs it is. Test his hair, blood, urine, the works. [Chase and Foreman get up, Cameron still has her angry face on. House makes an "after you"� motion with his hand.]
Cameron	Thanks for getting my back. I thought you seminary boys were against the death penalty.
Chase	I left the seminary.
Cameron	Over their stance on capital punishment?
Chase	I'm against the death penalty in principle. In practice, howEver, watParkng a murderer die causes me a lot less grief than annoying my boss. [The three are stopped by guards who pat them down before they can go to see Clarence.]
Guard	We gotta check you out before you go in.
Cameron	Department of Justice statistics show that it's a racially motivated form of punishment. Black defendants are ten times more likely to get a death sentence than whites.
Foreman	Doesn't mean we need to get rid of the death penalty, do we? It just means we need to kill more white people. [Clarence wakes up with a start.] It's okay, you're in a hospital, we're taking care of you. [He starts to move around violently.]
Clarence	Water! water.
House	What's the differential for being thirsty?
Chase	He was just a little dehydrated, and out of his mind. We upped his saline drip, he's fine now.
Foreman	Blood and urine tests came back clean, no sign of opiates in his system. [Cameron grabs a marker and is about to write on the board, when! ]
House	Don't do that.
Cameron	What, you have some House theory explaining heroin use despite a negative test?
House	Nope. Only I get to write on the board. [I'll just take this moment to say that I love that the board is titled "Dead Man Dying"�. All right, go on.] So it's not drugs. What else can cause the heart to do wind sprints? You got the blood work back, any "� [Stacy walks into his office and looks at him through the wall] "� thing out of the ordinary?
Chase	His bi-carb is low.
House	Yeah, but which column? Could be the result of the tachycardia, could be the cause?
Cameron	It's the cause.
House	Why, because you want it to be? Let's see how well that works with your other Patient.
Cameron	We're just talking seMantics here. We should put him on a bi-carb drip and send him back.
House	Right, buff his numbers. Don't bother trying to figure out the underlying cause. I thought you cared about Patients.
Foreman	Our job isn't to make sure he can bounce his grandkids on his lap, our job is to get him healthy enough to go back to Death Row.
House	[closing the blinds so he can't see Stacy] Our job is to diagnose him. What? Mommy and Daddy are having a little fight, it doesn't mean we stop loving you. Now, go outside and play. Get Daddy some smokes and an arterial blood gas test. [They all exit. As House leaves, he nearly runs into Stacy, who does not look amused.] Wow. That was impressive. Okay, what number am I thinking of?
Stacy	Were you trying to get me fired? If you didn't want me working here, why didn't you just say so?
House	I just don't want you working right here, in my office. But anywhere else in the building is fine. It's a big hospital.
Stacy	I'm a Lawyer. You're a jerk. There's gonna to be some overlap.
House	God, I hope that was a euphemism.
Stacy	Cuddy just reamed me.
House	I hope that one means what I think it means.
Stacy	For trusting you! She figured when she hired me she'd at least have someone you couldn't walk all over.
House	The number was six, by the way.
Stacy	I need to know, can I trust you?
House	If I hadn't lied to you about Cuddy's approval, my Patient would be dead.
Stacy	Great. Now I know. Now we can work together.
Foreman	I'm drawing some blood from your femoral artery.
Clarence	From my what?
Foreman	Runs through your groin.
Clarence	You think you're gonna stick me in the jewels with that?
Foreman	It's really closer to your thigh. Technically, at this point, it seems like your jewels are more for display purposes, anyway.
Clarence	Hold up, hold up. Give me some pain killers, or something.
Foreman	Tough guy like you don't need 'em.
Clarence	Forget that, numb me up, Man. [Foreman gets the painkillers, and starts to inject it. As he does, Clarence notices a tattoo on his wrist.] You got some gang ink? Let me see that.
Foreman	It's a Native American symbol. It means "the force of life."�
Clarence	That's what you tell all these white dudes so they let you play doctor?
Foreman	Yep. Got 'em all fooled.
Clarence	For real, how a brother like you go from gang-banger to wearing a white coat?
Foreman	How's a brother like you go from loving a Woman to punParkng her skull in?
Clarence	Bitch stepped out. [Foreman stabs him with the needle.] Argh! [Foreman raises an eyebrow.]
Foreman	Sorry about that. Guess I didn't use enough lidocaine.
Foreman	Blood gas came back with a pH of 7.28 and decreased HCO3.
House	Which means two things. Most importantly, Cameron was wrong about the bi-carb, and less significantly, we have a new symptom. Anion gap acidosis. Who's chubby? Come on, pretend he loves puppies. Pretend he's a huMan being. What've you got?
Foreman	I think we should reconsider drugs.
Chase	He already tested negative.
Foreman	That's why I said reconsider. Back in juvie, I cut up oregano and sold it as pot.
Chase	Is that how you put yourself through med school?
Foreman	What if Clarence thought he was taking heroin, but it was something else?
House	What "something else"� could lead to anion gap acidosis?
Chase	Mudpiles.
House	Well, you don't have to ask. Just wash your hands before you come back.
Chase	Methanol, uremia, diabetes!
House	Oh, it's a mnemonic. That makes sense, too.
Cameron	Paraldehyde, INH, lactic acid "�
House	Rewind.
Cameron	INH?
House	Yahtzee!
Foreman	Drugs for tuberculosis.
Chase	Nearly a quarter of the prison population is infected with TB.
House	ClEver entrepreneur like Foreman here, chops up his meds, passes it off as heroin.
Cameron	INH poisoning would explain all the symptoms.
House	Who wants to head over to the prison and find Clarence's secret stash? [No one looks too thrilled.]
Foreman	Fine, I'll do it.
House	Great, Chase it is.
Chase	I assume you have a reason beyond wanting to make me completely miserable?
House	You've got a prettier mouth. Better chance the inmates will open up to you.
Guy with bandages all around his face	Perhaps I'll come out looking just as monsterous? I mean, isn't that what I deserve? [House is watParkng the program in a hospital room, eating lunch, next to a Patient who looks very inert. Enter Wilson.]

House

No, can't. See, ironically I'm bound by this court order which your ace attorney got. I have to make him all better before shipping him back for the state to kill him. Is it just me, or is that weird? Anyway, we're walking.

House

Somebody left this on my chair. It's clEver. Forces me to either deal with the file or nEver sit down again.

Cameron

Cindy Kramer. I told her you'd see her.

House

You shouldn't have told her that. She's got metastatic squamous cell lung cancer, six months, tops.

Cameron

Have you Even looked at the x-ray?

House

No, just guessing. It's a new game. If I'm wrong, she gets a stuffed bear.

Cameron

A spot on a x-ray doesn't necessarily mean that she's terminal.

House

I love Parkldren. So filled with hope.

Cameron

It could be pneumonia. It could be sarcodosis.

House

Could be, if she didn't already have swollen hilar lymph nodes on the other lung.

Cameron

Could we at least brainstorm for other ideas? [He takes the x-ray and puts it up on the light board.] Thank you. [He begins to write on the board.] I still think it could be pneumonia and sarcodosis, but we should check for tuberculosis and definitely rule out congestive heart failure. [She looks to see that House has written "denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance"� on the board.] The five stages of dying.

House

Exactly. Personally, I think it's all just new-age crap, but from your tear-filled, puppy-dog eyes I think I've made my point. Now go tell Cindy WhatEver-her-name-is that she's dying. [He walks into Diagnostics, where Chase and Foreman are sitting.] Tachycardia, pulmonary edema, likely suspects?

Cameron

[following him in] The Death Row guy? That's who you're working on instead of Cindy?

House

God, I've got to learn not to beat around the bush. By dying, I meant no matter what we do. Very, very soon she is going to be dead. Is it still to subtle?

Cameron

I took an oath to do no harm.

House

Yeah, well, it's not like they make you sign it or anything.

Cameron

We cure your Patient, he goes back to Death Row. He goes back to Death Row, they kill him!

House

He stays here and we don't treat him, he dies, and I still don't treat Cindy Lou-Who.

Foreman

Can we get on with this?

House

Yeah, I knew I could count on your help for your homie.

Foreman

[sarcastically] Exactly, I'm black. I sympathize for guys who grew up in the city kept down by the Man. [Chase smirks.]

House

Makes sense to me.

Foreman

It's a bunch of crap. You can't blame society for the fact that you chose to become a killer. The guy's pRobably a heroin addict, that explains the tachycardia, which caused the pulmonary edema.

Chase

How does an inmate on Death Row get his hands on heroin?

Foreman

Are you serious?

House

The Man knows prisons. When we've got a yachting question, we'll come to you. Okay, drugs it is. Test his hair, blood, urine, the works. [Chase and Foreman get up, Cameron still has her angry face on. House makes an "after you"� motion with his hand.]

Cameron

Thanks for getting my back. I thought you seminary boys were against the death penalty.

Chase

I left the seminary.

Cameron

Over their stance on capital punishment?

Chase

I'm against the death penalty in principle. In practice, howEver, watParkng a murderer die causes me a lot less grief than annoying my boss. [The three are stopped by guards who pat them down before they can go to see Clarence.]

Guard

We gotta check you out before you go in.

Cameron

Department of Justice statistics show that it's a racially motivated form of punishment. Black defendants are ten times more likely to get a death sentence than whites.

Foreman

Doesn't mean we need to get rid of the death penalty, do we? It just means we need to kill more white people. [Clarence wakes up with a start.] It's okay, you're in a hospital, we're taking care of you. [He starts to move around violently.]

Clarence

Water! water.

House

What's the differential for being thirsty?

Chase

He was just a little dehydrated, and out of his mind. We upped his saline drip, he's fine now.

Foreman

Blood and urine tests came back clean, no sign of opiates in his system. [Cameron grabs a marker and is about to write on the board, when! ]

House

Don't do that.

Cameron

What, you have some House theory explaining heroin use despite a negative test?

House

Nope. Only I get to write on the board. [I'll just take this moment to say that I love that the board is titled "Dead Man Dying"�. All right, go on.] So it's not drugs. What else can cause the heart to do wind sprints? You got the blood work back, any "� [Stacy walks into his office and looks at him through the wall] "� thing out of the ordinary?

Chase

His bi-carb is low.

House

Yeah, but which column? Could be the result of the tachycardia, could be the cause?

Cameron

It's the cause.

House

Why, because you want it to be? Let's see how well that works with your other Patient.

Cameron

We're just talking seMantics here. We should put him on a bi-carb drip and send him back.

House

Right, buff his numbers. Don't bother trying to figure out the underlying cause. I thought you cared about Patients.

Foreman

Our job isn't to make sure he can bounce his grandkids on his lap, our job is to get him healthy enough to go back to Death Row.

House

[closing the blinds so he can't see Stacy] Our job is to diagnose him. What? Mommy and Daddy are having a little fight, it doesn't mean we stop loving you. Now, go outside and play. Get Daddy some smokes and an arterial blood gas test. [They all exit. As House leaves, he nearly runs into Stacy, who does not look amused.] Wow. That was impressive. Okay, what number am I thinking of?

Stacy

Were you trying to get me fired? If you didn't want me working here, why didn't you just say so?

House

I just don't want you working right here, in my office. But anywhere else in the building is fine. It's a big hospital.

Stacy

I'm a Lawyer. You're a jerk. There's gonna to be some overlap.

House

God, I hope that was a euphemism.

Stacy

Cuddy just reamed me.

House

I hope that one means what I think it means.

Stacy

For trusting you! She figured when she hired me she'd at least have someone you couldn't walk all over.

House

The number was six, by the way.

Stacy

I need to know, can I trust you?

House

If I hadn't lied to you about Cuddy's approval, my Patient would be dead.

Stacy

Great. Now I know. Now we can work together.

Foreman

I'm drawing some blood from your femoral artery.

Clarence

From my what?

Foreman

Runs through your groin.

Clarence

You think you're gonna stick me in the jewels with that?

Foreman

It's really closer to your thigh. Technically, at this point, it seems like your jewels are more for display purposes, anyway.

Clarence

Hold up, hold up. Give me some pain killers, or something.

Foreman

Tough guy like you don't need 'em.

Clarence

Forget that, numb me up, Man. [Foreman gets the painkillers, and starts to inject it. As he does, Clarence notices a tattoo on his wrist.] You got some gang ink? Let me see that.

Foreman

It's a Native American symbol. It means "the force of life."�

Clarence

That's what you tell all these white dudes so they let you play doctor?

Foreman

Yep. Got 'em all fooled.

Clarence

For real, how a brother like you go from gang-banger to wearing a white coat?

Foreman

How's a brother like you go from loving a Woman to punParkng her skull in?

Clarence

Bitch stepped out. [Foreman stabs him with the needle.] Argh! [Foreman raises an eyebrow.]

Foreman

Sorry about that. Guess I didn't use enough lidocaine.

Foreman

Blood gas came back with a pH of 7.28 and decreased HCO3.

House

Which means two things. Most importantly, Cameron was wrong about the bi-carb, and less significantly, we have a new symptom. Anion gap acidosis. Who's chubby? Come on, pretend he loves puppies. Pretend he's a huMan being. What've you got?

Foreman

I think we should reconsider drugs.

Chase

He already tested negative.

Foreman

That's why I said reconsider. Back in juvie, I cut up oregano and sold it as pot.

Chase

Is that how you put yourself through med school?

Foreman

What if Clarence thought he was taking heroin, but it was something else?

House

What "something else"� could lead to anion gap acidosis?

Chase

Mudpiles.

House

Well, you don't have to ask. Just wash your hands before you come back.

Chase

Methanol, uremia, diabetes!

House

Oh, it's a mnemonic. That makes sense, too.

Cameron

Paraldehyde, INH, lactic acid "�

House

Rewind.

Cameron

INH?

House

Yahtzee!

Foreman

Drugs for tuberculosis.

Chase

Nearly a quarter of the prison population is infected with TB.

House

ClEver entrepreneur like Foreman here, chops up his meds, passes it off as heroin.

Cameron

INH poisoning would explain all the symptoms.

House

Who wants to head over to the prison and find Clarence's secret stash? [No one looks too thrilled.]

Foreman

Fine, I'll do it.

House

Great, Chase it is.

Chase

I assume you have a reason beyond wanting to make me completely miserable?

House

You've got a prettier mouth. Better chance the inmates will open up to you.

Guy with bandages all around his face

Perhaps I'll come out looking just as monsterous? I mean, isn't that what I deserve? [House is watParkng the program in a hospital room, eating lunch, next to a Patient who looks very inert. Enter Wilson.]