| name,line | |
| GT, Jane! | |
| GT, Forgive my botherations. I know this is meant to be a spanking ripsnorter of a day for you and all. | |
| GT, But do you happen to know where the devilfucking dickens mr strider might be? | |
| GG," Oh, that's fine!" | |
| GG," I had been meaning to message you sooner actually, but I suppose in all the hubbub today, it plumb slipped my mind." | |
| GG," Which is a shocking fact on its lonesome, considering what I have to tell you!" | |
| GT, Egad... | |
| GT, *Loosens collar a bit.* | |
| GG," As for this Strider business, hrmmm. He's an elusive guy Jake. You know that." | |
| GG, I talked to him yesterday. That's as much help as I can be! | |
| GT, Shoot. | |
| GT, I really need to ask him something but hes got his blasted auto responder turned on. | |
| GG, Hoo hoo. | |
| GG, I love that thing. :B | |
| GT, He wouldnt be pleased to hear you say that. | |
| GG, What do you need with him? | |
| GG, Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project? | |
| GT, It most certainly does and time is of the essence! | |
| GT, Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later! | |
| GT, So you see why i am feeling really friggin discombobulated at the moment. | |
| GG," Sorry, J. :(" | |
| GG, This would be the birthday present... for your grandmother? | |
| GT, No! | |
| GT, It is for your grandfather simply to be *relayed* to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i. | |
| GG, Her and me. | |
| GT, What? Who and you now? | |
| GG," ""A joint gift from her and me."" Grammar, Jake!" | |
| GT, Oh for frigs flipping sake jane this is no time for your prudish pedantry! Leave your bookish malarkey in a dusty old library somewhere. I have an adventure to get on with! | |
| GG," So if I have this straight, the big thing hogging up your plate today is not this marvelous new game which I have invited you to play with me, but finishing a robotic rabbit to give to my dead poppop?" | |
| GT, Bingo. *double pistols and a wink* | |
| GG, You are a very strange and silly boy. | |
| GT, Please jane we have addressed this. | |
| GT, I am sending the gift back in time to when they are both alive and about our age. | |
| GT, Or... | |
| GT, Something like that. Something funny is going on here that i have not fully grappled yet but dag nab it if im not gonna see it through. | |
| GG," Well," | |
| GG," Godspeed, then! I do hope you can pull it off." | |
| GT, Are you being fresh with me now? | |
| GG, No!! | |
| GT, Look jane i know youve never believed me and you think everything i say is some big cockamamie goofoff but i think today of all days is when you should start taking some things more seriously. | |
| GT, Especially since i have always had your back. I have always believed in you! | |
| GG, Hey! I have believed in you too. | |
| GG," However, believing somebody isn't the same thing as believing IN somebody." | |
| GG, But that much said... | |
| GG, I think that maybe I am getting ready to believe some of the wild stories I've heard? | |
| GG," Or, if not believe outright, reserve judgment on, at least." | |
| GT, Is that so! | |
| GG, I don't know! | |
| GG, I'm still not sure what to think. But what I wanted to tell you this morning was... | |
| GG, I had a really wild dream last night. | |
| GG, And you were in it. | |
| GT, Oh my. *glasses fog up. fumbles for kerchief.* | |
| GG, Sh! Not like that. | |
| GG," It was so real! I think we were in the game, even though we haven't started playing yet." | |
| GG," I don't know what to make of it. Whether it was a vision of the future, or somewhere that exists now, or if it was just a really lucid dream due to excitement." | |
| GT, What was i doing there? | |
| GG, Um... | |
| GG, Not a heck of a lot! | |
| GG," I really want to tell you all about it, but it will take some time to explain, and we both have things to attend to." | |
| GG," You with your time traveling rabbitwork, and I, my vigilant window gazing!" | |
| GT, Too true. | |
| GT, Let us reconvene later and sort out all this shit at a leisurely pace. | |
| GG," Yes, ok, good luck Jake!" | |
| GT, Okay you too jane! Bye! | |
| UU," good morning, lovely. ^u^" | |
| GG," Why, hellooooooo." | |
| UU, so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better. | |
| GG, :B! | |
| UU, it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space. | |
| UU, a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence. | |
| UU, and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever | |
| UU, today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all. | |
| UU," by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration." | |
| UU, and if yoU are to meet this departUre with trepidation i woUld Understand! bUt also i woUld ask | |
| UU, is there nothing i can do to ease yoUr mind? | |
| GG, Gosh! So formal today. | |
| UU, yes. u_u; | |
| UU, i'm afraid i am gUilty of rehearsing this pep talk well in advance. | |
| UU, i thoUght yoU deserved a proper sendoff. | |
| GG, D'aww. | |
| UU, well then? | |
| UU, is there nothing i can do? | |
| UU, it was a serioUs qUestion. :u | |
| GG, You needn't worry about easing my nerves. | |
| GG," If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be nearly as thrilled about today as I am!" | |
| UU, splendid! ^u^ | |
| UU," bUt remember i will be here to help, whilst refraining from caUsal spoilers to the best of my ability." | |
| GG, That is reassuring! | |
| UU, have yoU corresponded with yoUr first designated co-player yet? | |
| GG," No, I haven't seen her online yet today." | |
| GG, I'm really hoping Lalonde won't flake out on me this time. Have you heard from her? | |
| UU, not the today that is local to yoU. | |
| UU," thoUgh i do have a wee bit more troUble monitoring her than the rest of yoU. cUrioUs dark patches in transmission, hUmph." | |
| UU," still, i woUldn't fret over it. she is as good a chUm as any yoU have and shoUld come throUgh Ultimately, even if things seem dire." | |
| GG, If you say so. | |
| GG, Oh! | |
| GG," I wanted to tell you, I had an amazing dream last night!" | |
| UU, blimey! :U | |
| GG," I believe it may have been of the sort you described. A dream of awakening, presuming I haven't just flatout lost my marbles." | |
| UU," indeed, im sUre it was. i knew yoU woUld wake Up soon!" | |
| UU, might yoU describe what yoU saw? | |
| GG," I was in a bright gold city. Above was a brilliant blue sky, but the horizon was dark as night." | |
| GG, Was this the place you told me about? What was it called... | |
| GG," Ah, shucks, does this count as a ""causal spoiler?""" | |
| UU," not at all! that is a simple detail aboUt the realm yoU are aboUt to explore, withoUt directly involving yoUr fUtUre decisions of conseqUence." | |
| UU, the place yoU visited was called prospit. it is where i have woken Up every time i have gone to sleep for most of my life. | |
| GG," I didn't see you there. At least, I don't think I did!" | |
| UU," no, yoU woUldnt have." | |
| UU," my prospit is an alternate version from yoUrs, in a completely different session qUite far afield of yoUr reality." | |
| UU," if we are ever to meet in person, it is Unlikely to be while playing oUr respective games!" | |
| GG, Ok then. | |
| GG," I mentioned this briefly to Jake, and he didn't have much to say before we parted ways." | |
| GG," I will gather that if this is all true, then it means Jake had not awoken yet?" | |
| UU, i think this is for yoU to determine in time. what is yoUr hUnch? | |
| GG, I don't know. | |
| GG, But there was one thing about the dream that was very troubling. | |
| GG, I'm becoming nervous to consider what it might mean. | |
| UU, Understandable. bUt it will be important to practice patience today. | |
| UU," yoU have a long road ahead of yoU, and many qUestions will be answered in time." | |
| UU," bUt we can talk it over later. now, we both have games to prepare for!" | |
| UU," i know yoU coUld never fUlly appreciate what this actUally meant, bUt i took mUch care to sync Up these conversations with yoU on the same day that i begin playing as well." | |
| UU," that way, we can joUrney throUgh oUr sessions together and compare notes! :u" | |
| GG," Hrm. I'm still not sure I appreciate what that means, but I appreciate that a nice gesture has been made if you say so!" | |
| GG," I guess I should just start believing all of this now, huh? Rather than learning it to be true later and feeling the fool for all my curmudgeonly skepticism?" | |
| UU, ~_u | |
| GG," For starters, I guess I could drop my reservations about your story?" | |
| UU, will yoU :U!!! | |
| GG, I can write off much to tomfoolery as I'm no stranger to a good prank myself. But quite honestly you seem too kind for this charade. Not the type I'd expect to trot out such persistent falsehoods beyond their humorous welcome. | |
| GG," So what do I know! Consarn it, maybe you are an alien girl from Uranus, and together we are about to play a game which determines the fate of existence. Sign me up!" | |
| UU," oh, hee hee! bUt i never claimed to be from that planet, which is only in the far reaches of yoUr solar system." | |
| UU, in fact i am from mUch farther away. a different Universe altogether. | |
| UU," bUt if yoU trUly mean it, thank yoU for believing me!" | |
| UU," now, jane my lovely, let Us prepare for this adventUre." | |
| UU, remember what i said aboUt the need for patience. | |
| UU, patience with yoUr friends. | |
| UU, patience for yoUr growth as a hero of life. | |
| UU, and patience for the coming of the other foUr of legend. | |
| UU, a hero of breath and of light and of time and of space! | |
| UU, and if yoU still find yoUrself in doUbt | |
| UU, jUst check the inscription on that big old book downstairs. | |
| UU," after all, if yoU cant trUst words written by yoUr own hand" | |
| UU, then what Use is trUst at all? ^u^ | |
| UU, <kisses!> | |
| TG, jane | |
| TG, hey | |
| TG, jaaaney | |
| TG, ansrew plz | |
| TG, *answer | |
| TG, jaaaaaaaaaane | |
| GG, Omg. | |
| GG, Overreact much? I kept you waiting for all of two seconds! | |
| GG, Where have you been today? | |
| TG, nowhere just chilling here | |
| TG, when all of the sudden | |
| GG," ""All of a sudden.""" | |
| TG, when all of the sudden | |
| TG, it hits me | |
| TG, thaf we have somethig really fuckin important to talk about | |
| GG," This hit you just now? We made plans to get in touch early this morning, and I have seen neither hide nor hair of you all day." | |
| TG, it hits me that | |
| TG, jakes bday is coming up really soon | |
| TG, just a few days before mine remembr | |
| TG, or i guess it would be if it wasnt for the end of the world thats about to happen | |
| GG," Oh, for Pete's sake." | |
| TG, i just wanted your advice on what to get him | |
| TG, something sentimental i guess? but i mean im mostly tapped out of precious heirlooms atm so idk | |
| TG, but not like anything coming on too strong | |
| TG, something that says | |
| TG, this is totes platonic and everything | |
| TG, no eyebrow raising funnybiz is goin on over here | |
| TG, but still says you know | |
| TG, call me | |
| TG, if you wanna | |
| GG, Grrr. | |
| GG, Now I know you're joking around to get my goat. | |
| TG, ahaha | |
| TG, yeah | |
| TG, the goat getting thing i mean | |
| TG, but joking oh no i think not | |
| TG, u dont think that if i didnt say he was off limits on account of you being my best friend | |
| TG, i wouldnt be all the hell over that???? | |
| TG, daaaaamn | |
| TG, that rugged senseof adventure | |
| TG, the delightful silly vernacular thats like | |
| TG, weirdly and bewitchingly not self aware | |
| TG, those adorbable teeth | |
| TG, swoooooooooon <3 | |
| GG," Nooooo, stop. :(" | |
| TG, well shit jane | |
| TG, what am i even supposed to do | |
| TG, i cant hit on anybody and appaprently i can entertain nary a frisky THOUGHT about anyboby because apparentley evrybodies OFF LIMITS!!!!! | |
| TG, *buncha goddamn typos | |
| TG, shit suuucks | |
| TG, you dont even let me say your dad is hot even though we both know he way the fuck is i mean come one | |
| TG, *one | |
| TG, *on | |
| GG, Yeah. Because it's weird! | |
| GG, And you're drunk. :P | |
| TG, correction | |
| TG, drinking | |
| TG, prensent tense | |
| TG, grammar jane | |
| GG," I don't see why you don't try to court the favor of Mr. Strider. If you ask me, he and you are perfect for each other." | |
| TG, oh jane | |
| TG, so naive | |
| TG, soooo niaev | |
| GG, Lordy. | |
| GG, How can you be this fargone so early? | |
| GG, It isn't even noon yet. | |
| TG, you forget we live in very different time zones | |
| TG, its a lot later here | |
| GG, You're three hours ahead of me! | |
| TG, youd would be amazed | |
| TG, how much can happen | |
| TG, in 3 hours | |
| GG, Tsk. What would your mother have to say if she caught you? | |
| TG, p sure she wouldnt give a shit | |
| TG, i mean | |
| TG, shes the one who stocked thegod damn liquor cabinets in the firts place | |
| TG, i dont even think she ever had a drop in her life probably | |
| TG, so why else is she puttin it there it was like | |
| TG, a passive aggrassive dare for me | |
| TG, *aggressive | |
| TG, jut the sort of mind game she would play | |
| GG," So even if your insane and paranoid theory happens to be true, your response is, ""Screw it! Time to help myself to all this mind game booze.""" | |
| TG, yuuuuuuuuuuuup | |
| TG, pppp mcuh | |
| GG, Groan. You are completely impossible like this. | |
| GG, I cannot believe you chose to do this today of all days. I should have known better! | |
| GG," Here I am waking up bright and early, waiting all day with my nose pressed against this glass for the mail to come and wondering if you'll ever log on, and all the while you are just getting blind stinking schnocker-bottomed drunk." | |
| TG, watcha waiting for | |
| TG, in the mail | |
| TG, is something happening today or something | |
| GG, &%#$@!!! | |
| GG, The alpha! | |
| GG," Jeez-Louise, you are hopeless." | |
| TG, oh yeah | |
| TG, that thing | |
| GG, Are you at all ready to play if it comes? | |
| TG, i guess | |
| TG, but | |
| TG, you sure you even want to play this thing | |
| TG, u know its just what the batterwitch wants you to do | |
| GG, Not this again. | |
| TG, if you want to go ahead and be a chump jane its ur call im just saying | |
| TG, i know what a chump looks like | |
| TG, and you dont look like no chump i ever saw | |
| TG, if you go thru with this ill have to add your porfile to my chump roll | |
| TG, which is like this real actual thing i maintain | |
| TG, intsead of being a joke | |
| TG, is that waht you want | |
| TG, *want | |
| GG," The ""Batterwitch"" DOES NOT EXIST!" | |
| GG, It is an idiotic urban legend. | |
| GG," How many times have I explained this? My great, great grandmother who founded the company and is accused of holding this identity would have to be almost two hundred years old if she were still alive today. The idea is such preposterous hogwash it's hardly worth dignifying with a rational response." | |
| GG, The iconic face of the company isn't even a real person! She was fabricated long ago during the company's fledgling years. | |
| TG, right | |
| TG, as | |
| TG, you know | |
| TG, an alter ego | |
| TG, for somethig more sinister | |
| GG, Such cuckoobird nonsense. | |
| GG," In any case, I don't understand the nature of this second guessing, besides chalking it up to your unwelcome inebriation." | |
| GG, We had agreed you would play with me. You sounded excited about it! | |
| GG, Have you even obtained your copy yet?? | |
| TG, um | |
| TG, heh | |
| TG," yes ""obtianed""" | |
| TG, suuure did | |
| GG," Through your various technologically crypotgraphic means, I presume?" | |
| TG, oh you bet | |
| TG, hacked the SHIT out of those TIGHT mainframes and all | |
| TG, said jackpot like | |
| TG, a BUNCH of times | |
| TG, all those | |
| TG, cyhpers and bobbytraps | |
| TG, backdoor trojans and what not | |
| TG, were no match | |
| TG, 4 mai codez | |
| TG, snicker | |
| GG, :| | |
| GG," I am quizzically narrowing my eyes trying to solve the joke you are attempting, assuming it even is one." | |
| TG, ok jane what im saying is that | |
| TG, in the parlance of baking cause i know that is what gets you off | |
| TG, is that | |
| TG, it was a fuckin cakewake | |
| TG, **cakewalk | |
| GG, Oh. | |
| TG, like by wich i mean not to say hur hur im hottest shit haxxor bitch you ever knew | |
| TG, as deadlay to the corporate grid ass she is beatuiful | |
| TG, which i AM but | |
| TG, what i mean is shit wasnt even guarded | |
| TG, it was just | |
| TG, some files | |
| TG, that were there | |
| TG, unsecured | |
| TG, and i took them | |
| TG, jacked them right offa that intraweb telematrice | |
| TG, then applied lipstick | |
| TG, femme fatale style | |
| TG, and was like shit yes i ALL KINDS of know how to use my web browser to download serveral files | |
| GG, Really? | |
| TG, yeah | |
| TG, so now | |
| TG, i got it | |
| TG, if u really wanna play | |
| TG, which you shouldnt | |
| GG, Hrm. That is a bit puzzling. I thought this software was highly proprietary. | |
| TG, i told you | |
| TG, she wants you to play | |
| TG, wants us all to | |
| TG, part of her BIG PLANS | |
| TG, and ur playing right into em | |
| TG, like | |
| TG, a | |
| TG, chhhhhhhhhhhhh.... | |
| GG," Ump, yes, I know. You've made yourself clear." | |
| GG," But what doesn't add up about your story is," | |
| GG, I believe SOMEBODY doesn't want me to play. | |
| GG, How else do you explain the recent attempts on my life? | |
| TG, dunno | |
| TG, someone out their wants the stock price to take a hit? | |
| GG," ""there""" | |
| TG, orrrr | |
| TG, its just more connivings of the witch | |
| GG," So this hypothetical monstrosity wants me to succeed, but also wants me to die?" | |
| GG, Makes a lot of sense! | |
| TG, wouldnt put it past her | |
| TG, makes you feel perpsecuted | |
| TG, redoubles your determination to play | |
| TG, u advance her plans in whatever incomprehensible way | |
| TG, until suddenly you did evrything she needed you to | |
| TG, at which point you become craaaaazy expendable yo | |
| TG, and then | |
| TG, she expends you | |
| TG, like a wad of boondollars on shitty bc merch | |
| GG, I see. This is sounding less like a crackpot conspiracy theory by the minute! | |
| TG, w/e alls im saying is a bunch of stuff thats def true to the max | |
| TG, ill send this file to you tho and what you do wiht its up to you | |
| TG, so you want it now or what | |
| GG," Hm. It's tempting, and I'm curious as heck to play it." | |
| GG," But the mail should be coming any minute! I've waited this long for it, so I might as well use the official discs addressed to me." | |
| GG," When it comes, I do hope you'll change your tune." | |
| GG, Not to mention brew yourself a pot of coffee and sober your drunk butt up. | |
| TG, my drunk butts tune will stay as unchanged as it will remain un not drunk | |
| TG, makr my barley corerent words | |
| GG," Hoo hoo! Ok, fair enough." | |
| GG," But I believe that when we start playing together, you'll come around." | |
| GG," Personally, I can hardly contain my excitement over it." | |
| GG," If years ago someone told me, which incidentally someone DID, that today I would have an exclusive opportunity to play what is absolutely the most cutting edge immersive simulation game ever released, developed by a company which has already done so much for the advancement of humanity, I would have said, ""Shucks, buster, sign me up!""" | |
| TG, jane | |
| GG, Yes? | |
| TG, jaaaane | |
| GG, What! | |
| TG, jane | |
| TG, did u know | |
| TG, that i am uttrely | |
| TG, IN LOVE | |
| TG, with the fact that | |
| TG, i have a best friend | |
| TG, who says things | |
| TG, like | |
| TG, shucks buster | |
| GG," Shoosh you, drunky! :B" | |
| GG, Oh... | |
| GG," Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh..." | |
| TG, wtf | |
| GG, The thing. | |
| GG, The flappy thing! | |
| GG, THE FLAPPY SWINGY DOODAD. | |
| GG, THE ARM DEALIE. | |
| GG," THE DEALIE, LALONDE, THE DEALIE!!!" | |
| TG, wut | |
| GG," THE GODDARNED RED SWINGY FLAPPY LEVER ARM THINGAMABOB, WHATEVER IT'S CALLED." | |
| GG, ON THE MAILBOX. | |
| TG, breathe crocker | |
| TG, slow breaths like this | |
| TG, (im breathin regular fyi) | |
| GG, IT'S UP. | |
| GG," IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S UP." | |
| TG, i dont get a lotta mail out here and im no mail expret | |
| TG, *expert | |
| TG, but | |
| TG, doesnt that mean not the right thing | |
| TG, like ur susposed to put it up if you want something taken away not have the guy put it up if mail comes | |
| TG, i think your mail man is quiet possibly a dumbass | |
| GG," NO, WHO CARES ABOUT THAT! THE DEALIE, THE DEEEEEAAAALIEEEEEEE!!!" | |
| GG," IT'S UP, IT'S UP, IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE!" | |
| GG, AAAAAAAAAAAH! | |
| TG, lma so fucking o @ this | |
| GG, Brb. | |
| GG," J, how goes the bunnyquest?" | |
| GT, Ive barely even begun! | |
| GG, Tell me about it. | |
| GT, Youre off to a sluggish start then too i gather? | |
| GG," Dad has the whole house in full fatherly lockdown mode. Talk about blowing a few measly ""assassination attempts"" way out of proportion!" | |
| GG, So I'm currently mulling over my next move. | |
| GG, What is it that has you hamstrung? Did you ever track down the slippery Mr. Strider? | |
| GT, Not exactly. | |
| GT, His stupid doppelglasses have set me on a wild goose chase to go pry his dumb robots chest open and swipe its uranium. | |
| GG, Sounds dangerous! | |
| GT, No shit. | |
| GT, I think id rather deal with the monsters. | |
| GG," Why is it that our two best friends in the world always seem to place themselves at the source of all our problems, while simultaneously presenting their only solutions?" | |
| GT, I know right??? | |
| GG, I'm debating whether or not to enlist his help in the matter of my current imprisonment. But I'd rather keep it as a plan of last resort. | |
| GT, Dont do it jane its a trap!!! | |
| GG, We'll see. | |
| GG, So I take it you're out and about now? | |
| GT, Hell no. I spent so much time haggling with those confounded shades im only leaving my room just now. | |
| GG," Right. Well, not to keep you too long, since we both still have our missions ahead of us, but I wanted to tell you about that dream I had." | |
| GT, Oh yeah! | |
| GT, I was curious about that. Tell me everything and make it snappy! | |
| GT, *Whips up bucket of freshly popped corn.* | |
| GG, Hoo. :B | |
| GG," Ok, but, I should say that the nature of the dream was a bit worrisome." | |
| GG, And I'm concerned it may have implications for the game we're about to play. | |
| GG, So it's probably best that I tell you about it before you leave. | |
| GT, Well shoot. | |
| GT, Ok then lay it on me jane. | |
| GG, I woke up on the planet which we have been told about by our mutual acquaintance. | |
| GG," The one covered in golden cities. Prospit, remember?" | |
| GT, Oh. Wouldnt it be prospits moon? | |
| GG," Yes, you're right. It was the moon, actually. I could see the planet on the dark horizon." | |
| GG," I was dressed in a golden dress, like a sort of nightgown, and I could fly. I left my bedroom, which was at the top of a tall tower. Surrounding me were the gold cities, just as described." | |
| GG, Behind the skyline was darkness. But just above was a bright blue sky and puffy white clouds. | |
| GT, That was skaia! | |
| GG," Yes, probably." | |
| GG, Are you sure you haven't woken up there before? | |
| GT, Haha i WISH. | |
| GT, I have received reports from jade about this as well. She liked to talk about her dreams on prospits moon a lot. | |
| GG," I see. The impression I have developed is that this is supposed to be a real place, and all who dream there have shared experiences." | |
| GG, Did Jade ever mention seeing us there? | |
| GT, No but why would she? This was long before we were born! She was dreaming there like a hundred years ago or something. | |
| GG, Hrmm. Anyway... | |
| GG," I explored the moon, and began to notice people gathering in the streets." | |
| GG," But they weren't human. They were funny looking, perfectly white creatures." | |
| GT, Yeah those are prospitians. | |
| GT, They have these hard carapace shells and also have something to do with chess i think? | |
| GG," Well, I don't know if they had much to do with chess here." | |
| GG," The more closely I observed, the more they appeared somewhat despondent." | |
| GT, Like... | |
| GT, Sad? | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG," I determined they were in mourning, actually." | |
| GT, Hey. | |
| GT, Jane you said i was in this dream. Where do i come in? | |
| GG, Shoosh! I'm getting there. | |
| GG, More and more Prospitians were filing out of the buildings every moment. | |
| GG," They all began to form a single, major procession." | |
| GG," When I got closer, I could see that some were in tears." | |
| GG, I realized this was a funeral. | |
| GG," I heard whispers, but couldn't make out what they were saying, so I got closer." | |
| GG," They were all saying the same thing, over and over." | |
| GG," ""The Page is dead.""" | |
| GG," ""Our hope is lost.""" | |
| GT, The page? | |
| GT, Whos that? | |
| GG, Jake. | |
| GG, The Page was you. | |
| GT, Oh. | |
| GT, Drat. | |
| GT, Are you sure? | |
| GG," Yes, I saw your body lying in a sort of coffin, on a bed of flowers. You were dead as a doornail." | |
| GG, Everyone was so distraught! | |
| GG, Including me. :( | |
| GG," But before I could get too horribly upset, let alone make sense of any of it, I woke up." | |
| GG," I of course immediately wanted to tell you all about, but it was still well before sunrise for you, and you were surely still asleep." | |
| GG, Then as the day went on I guess I became distracted by other things. You know how it is. | |
| GG," I hope I'm not too late to ""warn"" you, though to be frank I don't have the foggiest clue what it is I'm warning you about." | |
| GG," ""Dear Jake, oh please do try not to... have already... died in my dream? Likely while you were sleeping, perhaps peacefully?""" | |
| GT, Haha yeah. I see your point. | |
| GG," Still, I think you'll agree that it's to be viewed as a troubling omen." | |
| GG," I care very much for you, and I don't know what I'd do if I lost you both in my dreams, and here in this world." | |
| GG," So for whatever good it does, just please be extra careful out there today!" | |
| GT, Roger that janey! | |
| GT, And um same goes for you about being careful what with these various rogues accosting you with foul play lately and whatnot... | |
| GT, Because well i sure do care a lot about you too you know that. | |
| GG, Hooray! Will do. ;B | |
| GG, Now let's get this silly old adventure off to the races before the coat of dust it's growing gets any thicker. | |
| GT, Booyeah! | |
| GT, Ok good luck jane and keep me posted! C ya. | |
| TT," Why have you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear." | |
| TT, Are you in danger? | |
| GG," Oh, no." | |
| GG, I'm just trying to leave my house! | |
| GG," Is this the real you, btw?" | |
| TT," Yeah, it's me." | |
| TT, I disabled the AR for now. | |
| GG, Ok. Just making sure! | |
| GG," Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended." | |
| TT," Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now." | |
| GG," Oh, so you're talking to Jake then?" | |
| TT, Nah. Just reading their chat logs. | |
| TT," Man, what the fuck?" | |
| TT, I can't leave these two alone for a minute. Can a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace? | |
| GG, :B | |
| GG, Was it that bad? | |
| TT, Not really. | |
| TT, The responder doesn't much distort my position on things usually. | |
| TT, Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona. | |
| TT," Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo." | |
| GG, Why not just turn it off then? | |
| TT, Keeps them both on their toes. | |
| GG, Who? | |
| TT, Jake and the responder. | |
| TT," Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit." | |
| TT, I keep telling him. | |
| TT," I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane." | |
| GG, These lectures I presume are roughly similar in complexion to those I'm familiar with? | |
| GG," Those wherein I have, and I quote, ""got to be more like Jake?""" | |
| TT," Yes, exactly." | |
| TT, You're finally fucking getting it. | |
| GG, I sincerely doubt that I am! | |
| TT," Said the stubborn skeptic, skeptically." | |
| GG," Let's not talk about my ""issues"" again, shalln't we?" | |
| TT, Shalln't? | |
| TT," That ain't a thing to say, even for you." | |
| GG, Shush! | |
| GG," The word shalln't escape my vocabulary any longer, just as you SHALLN'T nitpick my language! That's my turf you're on, buster." | |
| TT, Alright. Kinda don't care. | |
| GG, What were you saying? | |
| TT, About what? Jake? | |
| GG, About leaving the responder on! | |
| TT, Yeah. | |
| TT," Anyway, I kind of owe it to him to let the program run as often as possible." | |
| GG, Jake? | |
| TT, No. | |
| TT, The responder. | |
| TT," It is a fully cognitive, self-aware entity I am responsible for, not even to mention an approximate cerebral duplicate of myself." | |
| TT, You don't just make a clone of yourself to live in a dead end existence where it has no chance to thrive as an individual or surpass its limitations. | |
| TT, That'd be sick. | |
| GG, True. | |
| TT, Also. | |
| TT," The more the software runs, the broader and more detailed its experiential canopy becomes. Makes for a better dialogic partner." | |
| GG, Dialogic? | |
| GG, Are you saying you have conversations with your own auto-responder? | |
| TT, Of course. | |
| TT, Why do you think I made the thing? | |
| GG," Hrm, that's interesting." | |
| GG, I guess I always thought it was just a really elaborate gag! | |
| TT, It's that too. | |
| GG, Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave. | |
| GG, Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book. | |
| TT," Yes, you are. But that's fine." | |
| TT, We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive. | |
| TT," There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid." | |
| GG, Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting? | |
| TT, No way. He's awesome. | |
| TT," I've told you, I don't begrudge any of his success." | |
| TT, I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation. | |
| GG," Oh lordy. Yes, yes, I know. I don't need another ironic lesson in science fiction!" | |
| TT," Alright. My lessons are rad as fuck, but suit yourself." | |
| TT," The point is, obviously his satirical methods have flaws, and whatever tempered brand of hero worship I might be practicing isn't keeping me from seeing that." | |
| GG, Flaws?? Talk about understatement. Those movies are unwatchable. | |
| GG, Unless your name is Jake English. | |
| TT," Yes, spectacularly so. But they will have profound historical significance. Mark my words." | |
| TT," And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark." | |
| TT, To perfect the art of irony. | |
| TT," It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something." | |
| TT, You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down. | |
| GG, Ermm... | |
| GG, If you say so! | |
| GG," I dunno. Call me a simpleton, but I just like funny jokes." | |
| TT, Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do. | |
| TT," And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be?" | |
| GG," Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say." | |
| TT," Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable." | |
| GG," I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly!" | |
| TT," Yeah, bullshit." | |
| TT," He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers." | |
| GG," Oh, please." | |
| GG," Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family." | |
| TT, You haven't renamed him yet? | |
| GG, Oh... no. | |
| GG, I keep forgetting I'm supposed to! | |
| TT, You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important. | |
| TT, When pets change owners they get new names. Fact. | |
| GG, Sorry. | |
| GG, I will name him right now! | |
| GG, How about Lil' Sebastian? | |
| TT, Fuck if that isn't the best name a thing could get. | |
| GG, Yeah!!! | |
| GG," So then, are you saying Mr. Sebastian here was an ironic present?" | |
| GG, Relayed strictly for guffaws?? >:B | |
| TT," Yes, but it's not that simple. There were many layers involved." | |
| TT," Some of them are literal layers, of metal and plush." | |
| GG, Huh? | |
| TT, There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton. | |
| GG, What! Really? :O | |
| TT, Yeah. | |
| TT, It belonged to my bro. | |
| GG, I thought you said you didn't have such an heirloom to complete the plushie trifecta? | |
| TT," I didn't. He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it." | |
| TT, I stole it. | |
| GG, Ooh. Risky! | |
| TT, Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum. | |
| TT," It's this whole ""priceless"" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course." | |
| GG, So it's from a movie? | |
| TT, Ever hear of Con Air? | |
| GG, Nope. | |
| GG, Wait... | |
| GG, Wasn't that some bit of action schlock from the 90's? | |
| TT, Yes. | |
| GG, Some of the silly nonsense referenced in his work was well before my time. I don't have the wherewithal to investigate all this minutia. | |
| TT," Yeah, it doesn't matter really. But it was from that. Dude weirdly obsessed over that shit movie for years, among others." | |
| TT," Know those signature shades you see him wearing on magazine covers and stuff? Another prop. A gift from Stiller himself, I believe." | |
| GG, That does sound a tad obsessive. Wasn't he furious about your burglary? | |
| TT," Pretty sure he didn't even notice. In years since, I never saw a news story about a ""daring heist"" or anything. I feel like he would have made some hay outta that." | |
| TT," And if he did know, he'd probably just want to give me a stoic fist bump or something." | |
| GG, Why didn't you mention this when you gave the gift? More irony? | |
| TT, Essentially. It's not that easy to explain. | |
| TT," Broadcasting the gesture would have made it seem tawdry, and would somewhat defray its humor value." | |
| GG," I see. So it was like a private joke, and if anyone besides you was in on it, the joke would be ruined!" | |
| TT," Like I said, there are layers." | |
| TT," On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection." | |
| TT," On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom." | |
| TT, For sentimental reasons. | |
| GG, D'awwwww. | |
| GG," Wait, real sentiment, or ironic sentiment?" | |
| GG, Or is there no difference?? Am I missing the point here? | |
| TT," No, it was genuine." | |
| TT, The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless. | |
| TT," Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to ""mean it,"" but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you ""mean it"" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth." | |
| GG," This is fascinating, if a wee bit more dissertation than I bargained for this morning." | |
| GG," I have so much to learn. And I am not even saying that ""ironically!""" | |
| GG," Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open?" | |
| TT," Oh god, I'd love that." | |
| TT," Consider the position yours for the taking any time. Feel free to approach and kneel before Cal. With my sword and his floppy mitten, you will receive my flashstep anointment shoulder to shoulder, and to shoulder again." | |
| GG," Tempting, but that rain check will have to stay unendorsed for now." | |
| GG," Lil' Seb is beginning to act out, and I must put his fidgetiness to constructive use!" | |
| TT, Cool. | |
| TT," Jane, one more thing." | |
| TT," I'm sure you must be aware by now that you'll be the leader of our group, as you will be the first to enter the session." | |
| GG," Um, no?" | |
| GG," This is news to me. I never gathered that ""team leader"" was a thing for this game." | |
| TT, Trust me. It's a thing. | |
| GG, Are you sure? I have my doubts. | |
| GG," I believe as a group we will have the temerity to succeed, without my having to order people around like an insufferable bossypants." | |
| TT," That's why you're our leader, Jane." | |
| GG, Hm? | |
| TT, Optimism through stalwart skepticism is an affect not everyone is plucky enough to be graced with. | |
| GG, That's stupid! | |
| TT, Yeah yeah. I know. | |
| TT," You're not our leader, you're our FRIEND, right?" | |
| GG, Precisely! | |
| GG, There is a BIG difference! | |
| TT, And statements like that are also why you're our leader. | |
| TT," But only in name and in spirit. Less so, functionally." | |
| TT," If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here." | |
| GG, Oh yes? | |
| GG, Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry? | |
| TT, I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass. | |
| TT, At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis. | |
| TT," If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word." | |
| TT," I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss." | |
| TT, Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself. | |
| TT, For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war. | |
| TT," There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say." | |
| TT, Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family. | |
| TT," Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere." | |
| TT, Bet that coin'll take a good nap there. | |
| TT, It's a gamble you win every goddamn time. | |
| TT, Yeah. | |
| GG, These lessons we talked about... | |
| GG," They've already begun, haven't they? :o" | |
| TT," Jane, soon you'll believe what I've told you." | |
| TT, You'll believe it all. | |
| TT," It's just a shame that believing will take something so coarse as seeing, for a girl as sharp as you." | |
| TT," Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely, just as much as dismiss the impossible." | |
| TT, I can help with this too. Would you like me to program a Jane Crocker responder for you? | |
| TT, I only require a simple captcha of your brain. | |
| GG, Holy moly! | |
| GG," Um, thank you, but no." | |
| GG, I'm not ready to get dialogic with my cyberself just yet. My friends keep me busy enough as it is. | |
| GG," Speaking of which, I really need to go. I know you love to talk my ear off, and it's always a treat, but let's catch up later after the game starts, ok?" | |
| GG," And if I do need your help, I promise I'll take you up on your offer!" | |
| TT, I made several. Which one? | |
| GG," The one where you, hopefully not literally, offered to catch me in the crevice of a great big squishy butt! Hoo hoo hoo!" | |
| GG, Gtg!!! <3 | |
| GG, Heyyy. | |
| GG, Ahem. | |
| GG, Ro-Lal? | |
| TG, oopos sry | |
| TG, was havin important chats | |
| GG, Oh? | |
| GG, With whom? | |
| TG, w yet anather ineligible fuckin bachelor who elfe i have to talk 2 | |
| GG, Yeah. | |
| GG," Um... which one, precisely?" | |
| TG, di stri | |
| TG, insmufferable prick mf'r extroariadinnere | |
| TG, *lol wow | |
| TG, *extradinner | |
| TG, *heheh yum | |
| GG," If the chats and surplus dinners were truly important, I wouldn't want to interrupt." | |
| TG, tchhhh | |
| TG, of course not jus the usual bs | |
| TG, chats with u always get precedance anyways | |
| TG, unless this is more of u givin me shit about not believing me on all my sick tru facts | |
| GG," Actually," | |
| GG, That's what I wanted to talk to you about. | |
| TG, i c | |
| TG, go on.......... | |
| GG," You see, I was just the target of another assassination attempt." | |
| TG, @@@ | |
| TG, fuck*!!! | |
| GG," Two, in fact! One here in the real world, as I attempted to retrieve the mail." | |
| GG, Luckily it was thwarted by a certain cat who shall remain nameless. | |
| TG, hehehe oh man | |
| TG, god cat | |
| TG, bbf | |
| TG, *good | |
| TG, *bff | |
| TG, *no wait | |
| TG, *god wuz right | |
| TG, fuckit | |
| TG, *both spellins r true | |
| GG," But in the process of being rescued from the explosion, I was knocked unconscious." | |
| GG," And in my dream, there was another assassination attempt." | |
| GG, This one I believe was successful! | |
| TG, uhoh | |
| GG," I'm becoming convinced that our ""dream selves"" are being picked off by violent hooligans." | |
| TG, shit | |
| TG, hooliginas | |
| TG, * ... | |
| TG, * yes | |
| TG, but i think u mean | |
| TG, batterwitch thugs | |
| GG, Perhaps. | |
| GG, The one who accosted me was a knife-wielding lunatic. | |
| GG, And it's reasonable to deduce the same forces were responsible for Jake's death on Prospit as well. | |
| GG, It looks like we are in the clutches of an actual caper. A real life mystery! | |
| GG, Which under different circumstances would be quite exciting. | |
| GG," But the truth is, I think we are all in great danger!" | |
| TG, well fuck | |
| TG, i guess its time to take this shit up to RED ALART | |
| TG, to where its been for like fuckin ever jane | |
| GG," Yeah, yeah. :p" | |
| GG, But that wasn't all there was to the dream. | |
| GG," Shortly before I was stabbed, I had a rather long gander at Skaia." | |
| TG, a gander u say | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| TG, how good a gander | |
| GG, I would say a pretty substantial gander. | |
| TG, ok | |
| TG, and during this totaly massive gander u snagged | |
| TG, what did you see | |
| GG, I saw things in the clouds. | |
| TG, things | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, Things. | |
| TG, wut things | |
| GG," Things happening in the future, I think." | |
| GG," Many events pertaining to us. All of us, and other people I didn't recognize." | |
| GG, It was a bit overwhelming. | |
| GG," It made me feel small. Insignificant, relative to whatever it is we're about to involve ourselves with." | |
| GG, And honestly... | |
| GG, It made me feel pretty foolish too. | |
| TG, foolish | |
| TG, why foofish | |
| TG, *sdjhf | |
| GG, I began to wonder why I ever had the audacity to think I know much of anything about the world we live in or the journey we're about to take. | |
| GG, Or to think I could ever rule anything out. | |
| GG," I have a feeling that whatever I saw, it means you've been telling the truth all along." | |
| GG, About everything. | |
| GG, And I'm starting to feel like a complete idiot for doubting you. | |
| TG, aw man :( | |
| GG," I've been one great big horse's caboose, and I think you're owed an apology." | |
| GG, Do you think you can forgive me? | |
| TG, jane | |
| TG, damn | |
| TG, ur makin me feel like shit here | |
| GG, Why? | |
| TG, uuuun | |
| TG, eh no reason | |
| TG, just uh | |
| TG, hey did u dl the game file i sent yet | |
| GG, I did. | |
| GG," And at this point, I guess I have no choice but to use it. I guess you were a step ahead of me yet again." | |
| TG, why | |
| GG, Because the one in the mail detonated in my most recent assassination attempt. | |
| TG, WHAT | |
| TG, of fuck those HACKS | |
| TG, the old explobing game trick woh would stoup to such lowbrow shegnannagings like that | |
| TG, *somany sweet typos | |
| GG, :B | |
| TG, that witch just mafes me FUCKINK FRUIOUS sometites | |
| GG," Hoo hoo! The tactic was quite underhanded, yes." | |
| TG, yeaaah | |
| TG, uh so | |
| TG, what were we talking about again | |
| TG, soory im just worked up ovr it | |
| GG, I don't blame you. | |
| GG," Where we were, by my estimation, was a place wherein I was about to awkwardly attempt to swallow a helping of humble pie." | |
| GG, To somehow make it up to you for my years of stubborn mistrust. | |
| TG, hey jane | |
| TG, wasnt that a bunch a splip infinitives... | |
| GG, Hm? | |
| TG, *split | |
| TG, to awkwardly attemt | |
| TG, to somehow make it up ! | |
| GG, Oh!!! | |
| TG, lul so busted | |
| GG," Oh gosh, what a doofus." | |
| GG, You see?? I clearly don't have all the answers! | |
| GG," I really had some nerve challenging anyone, on practically any subject." | |
| TG, dont beat urself up too bad we both know that rule is bullshit anyway | |
| TG, you hold yourself to too high a standard and those standards kinda leak out and start gettin applied to other people i guess sometimes | |
| TG, you really dont have to apologize janey or eat humble pip or anything all youve got to do is maybe not be such a huge tightass all the time | |
| GG, That's fair. But I would still like to make a gesture. | |
| GG," Even if it's one partially motivated by self interest, seeing as I clearly have much to learn." | |
| TG, ? | |
| GG, I would like to give you a free pass for a day. | |
| GG, It is good for twenty-four solid hours of absolute credulity from your best friend. | |
| TG, ........ | |
| GG, :B | |
| TG, ok waitin 4 u to say wtf youre exacly talkin about | |
| GG," It means that starting now, whatever you tell me, I will have to believe you." | |
| GG, I promise! | |
| TG, o rly | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| TG, ooooooooooh................ | |
| GG," Um," | |
| GG, Are you there? | |
| GG, Ro??? | |
| TG, (shh) | |
| TG, (thisis a dramantic pause calm ur tits) | |
| GG, Oh. | |
| GG, Hmm. | |
| GG," Exactly how dramatic are we talking, here?" | |
| GG, Shall I go retrieve a magazine? | |
| TG, RLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????? | |
| GG, Sigh. | |
| TG, kay then | |
| TG, what do you want me 2 say | |
| TG, for you to autobelieve in | |
| GG, Hmm. | |
| GG," Everything, I guess. I'd like to get completely up to speed, if possible." | |
| TG, yeah | |
| TG, but | |
| TG, im pretty sure i already said everything | |
| TG, want me to just | |
| TG, sayit all again..... | |
| GG, Some reiteration certainly couldn't hurt. | |
| GG, But this time I won't work so hard to sift the fantastical from the plausible. | |
| TG, so like | |
| TG, stuffs i said about my mom or | |
| GG, Sure. | |
| TG, ok well fors tarters | |
| TG, she really is the notable author u know | |
| GG," Oh, I know that!" | |
| GG," That was always something I had no trouble believing, considering the public documentation even reclusive celebrities receive." | |
| GG," And frankly, the family resemblance is obvious." | |
| TG, yup | |
| GG," Anyway, it would be disingenuous if I found your relation far fetched, since we're all apparently related to noteworthy people. It's just one of those funny things." | |
| TG, true dat | |
| TG, then | |
| TG, what else can i talk about | |
| TG, like her occolt majyyks and stuff | |
| TG, because i dont know a whole lot about the mayjjykks | |
| TG, besides th fact that theyre all real as shit can get | |
| GG, Maybe we should start at the very beginning. | |
| TG, ok | |
| TG, but the begninning was a hecka long time a go | |
| GG, Do you remember around when we first started talking? | |
| TG, y | |
| GG, And you claimed you were the one making my pumpkins disappear? | |
| TG, hahAHA | |
| TG, *aha | |
| TG, y :3 | |
| GG, You later proceeded to try to prove to me that what you were saying was true. | |
| GG," But none of your attempts thereafter would ever bear any fruit, pardon the pun." | |
| TG, k but it aint pardoned because a pumpkin aint even a fruit | |
| TG, its a big orange porch thing for holloween numbnuts | |
| GG," Yes, I know what pumpkins are. It was a joke, silly." | |
| GG," What I'm trying to say is, in thinking back to those days, when you couldn't verify your claims, it made me think the whole thing was a big ruse." | |
| GG, And I think this unfortunately began a pattern of mistrust. It was always hard to rule out the possibility that you could be joking about other things as well. | |
| TG, yeah | |
| TG, but its not my fault i mean appeafrification tech is notoriously unreliable | |
| TG, remember | |
| TG, i xplained this | |
| TG, i cant just always appearify stuff from you any time i want | |
| TG," i can only take stuff im ""allowed"" 2 which is pmuch random" | |
| TG, like stuff that by takin id be messing up the time line cause that stuff is supposed to be there and serve some funciton it hasnt served yet | |
| TG, so most of the time if i try all i get is slime on my end | |
| TG, but pumpins 4 some reason are a lil easier to take i dunno why | |
| TG, like they are specifically and arbitrorily unhinged from spacetime | |
| TG, is spooooko | |
| TG, *ky | |
| GG, I couldn't begin to explain the science behind such a technology either. | |
| GG," But I guess the important thing is, regardless of how or why it works, this is a story you continue to stand by?" | |
| GG," That is, you are still taking credit for the mysterious disappearance of all those pumpkins I grew years ago?" | |
| TG, f yeah | |
| TG, i so gonked your gaurds jane | |
| GG, ... | |
| GG, Did you gank them when my gourd was down? | |
| TG, * yes | |
| TG, * yes i did exectly that | |
| TG, snatched ur patch sucka!!!!!! | |
| TG, hehe | |
| GG, Very well! | |
| GG, Then I believe that is what happened. | |
| GG, That's all I am trying to say here. | |
| TG, so | |
| TG, ok | |
| TG, u believe that | |
| TG, now what?? | |
| GG," Now... nothing, really." | |
| GG, You may continue to tell me anything you would like with the confidence that I won't doubt you. | |
| GG," So by all means, go ahead!" | |
| TG, ok gotit | |
| TG, so jane | |
| TG, whas tit feel like 2 get stabbed by a bab guy | |
| GG," Oh, come on!" | |
| TG, huh | |
| GG, That is a question! | |
| TG, yeah so | |
| GG," It's not any sort of revelation, or statement for me to take at face value." | |
| GG, Dadburn it. This isn't that difficult! | |
| GG," And for the record, it's not great." | |
| TG, whats not | |
| GG, GETTING STABBED BY A BAD GUY. IT ISN'T ALL THAT PEACHY. | |
| TG, yeah i bet | |
| TG, musta suuuucked | |
| TG, or | |
| TG, dream sucked idk | |
| GG," So, you're not in the mood to tell me things?" | |
| TG, no i am | |
| TG, im psyched about u wanting to believe me and all | |
| TG, but part of me still feels like i should prove it | |
| TG, like i tried to once | |
| TG, it was just frustratin i mean im a sciestist i should be able 2 prove my shit | |
| TG, like | |
| TG, subject my claims to the fuckin madrigogs | |
| GG, Um... | |
| GG, Madrigogs? | |
| TG, *mad rigors | |
| TG, u know what i mean??? | |
| GG," Yeah, I understand." | |
| TG, i mean trust between friends is sweet and everything but i dont know if i wanta be the repipient of like a butt load of pity believins | |
| GG, It's not about pity! | |
| GG, It's more like a gesture I'm trying to make. | |
| GG, Or maybe that's not quite right. | |
| GG, It has more to do with setting things right for myself than making it up to you. | |
| GG, Does that make sense? | |
| TG, ............. | |
| GG," Shoot, I'm doing such a terrible job explaining this! :(" | |
| TG, (patiently sips bev rage) | |
| GG," The bottom line is, I WANT to believe the things you say now." | |
| GG, That's all you need to know! | |
| TG, ok thats good | |
| TG, i want that 2 buuuuuuut | |
| TG, i still wanna prove it irregardlessly!!!!!!!` | |
| GG," *Shudders uncontrollably at ""word"" usage.*" | |
| TG, whoops sry | |
| TG, * still WANT TO prove it irregaurdlesally | |
| TG, ^ all fixed tght as fuck | |
| TG, so u down for one last try | |
| GG, Sure! | |
| TG, k lets get busay | |
| TG, what you want 2c me disappearify | |
| GG, I don't know. | |
| GG," The baking chest, maybe?" | |
| TG, too big | |
| TG, i got size restrictions here | |
| TG, bigger stuff takes huge amount sof power to swipe | |
| TG, so this gizmo i have has a built in size cap | |
| TG, like somethin as big as you for insance | |
| TG, i cant take | |
| TG, believe me ive triiiied | |
| GG, D'aw. | |
| GG," That's sweet of you, I guess?" | |
| TG, was totes sweet of me to try and steal you for the hangouts but it dint work becuse of BUULBSHIT | |
| TG, but i can take stuff somewhat smaller | |
| GG, What are the restrictions? | |
| TG, just dump your shit on the floor | |
| TG, tell me everything thats there | |
| GG," Well, what immediately catches my attention is this enormous book." | |
| GG, I wonder how it squares with your size restriction? | |
| TG, wut book | |
| GG, My Unabridged Sassacre's! | |
| GG," It's a very rare edition, and a precious family heirloom, so I don't know if it would make an ideal candidate for the journey." | |
| TG, no no r u kidding that shit is perfect | |
| TG, should be just the right size like big but just barkley not too big | |
| GG, But what if it gets damaged! | |
| TG, pshhhhh itll be set fire | |
| GG," Oh! Silly me, what was I even worried about!" | |
| TG, errr | |
| TG, ahahaha man | |
| TG, * sent | |
| TG, ** fine | |
| GG, That wasn't even a Freudian slip. | |
| GG," Doctor Freud just tripped over an errant phallus, tumbled down a flight of stairs, and broke his neck." | |
| GG, And then his cigar exploded comically in his face. | |
| TG, ffffFROLOFL | |
| TG, jane ur funy | |
| TG, (omg still lolig @ that word boner i made ooomg) | |
| GG, It was spectacular. | |
| TG, but 4 real i wont set ur fuckin joke book on fire jane | |
| TG, it doesnt even do that even if it goes the worst kinds of wrog | |
| GG, Couldn't we send Wise Guy instead? | |
| GG, At least it can be easily replaced. | |
| TG, jane | |
| GG, ? | |
| TG, jaaanae | |
| GG, HM?? | |
| TG, FUCK wise guy | |
| TG, ist would be SO LAME ass a giguinea pig book | |
| TG, goddam who m i kidding i dont even no how to spell giguinea pig whilst sober | |
| TG, coud be sober as a churchchrist and lookat it..... giunae.... guinea... idk shit looks intrinsnically fucked typographically speakin | |
| TG, sooo FUCK that wrod and FUCK those parcicultar pigs | |
| GG," No, I reject your proposal that we ""fuck"" Wise Guy, whatever that actually means, or for that matter, the spelling of any adorable rodents named after African nations." | |
| TG, jane | |
| TG, are u being a tightass again | |
| GG, I don't... think so? | |
| TG, we talked about this | |
| GG, About what? | |
| TG, about you benig a tightass | |
| GG, I am not being a tightass! | |
| TG, janey | |
| TG, it seems 2 me | |
| TG, that there is a (MATHS) % chance of you bein a huge tightass | |
| TG, are u bein a huge tightass on me jane | |
| GG, Oh god dammit. | |
| GG, Take the book! What do I care!!! | |
| TG, yessss thast the spirpit | |
| TG, now u are believin w petrol | |
| GG," I fail to see what offering up a priceless book for your wildly capricious science experiment has to do with my resolution to be less stingy with my beliefs, but alright." | |
| TG, haha will u relax abt the book | |
| TG, im only just teasing cause theres like practically a 100 percant chance this wont wonk like alwasy | |
| TG, * wort work like always | |
| TG, sooooo | |
| TG, ready/ | |
| GG," Yes, let's just get on with it." | |
| GG, It worked! | |
| GG, The book is gone! | |
| TG, oh no | |
| TG, aaaawwwww shit | |
| GG, What is it? | |
| TG, shit shit shitsh it | |
| GG, Did you receive the book? | |
| TG, shoiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit | |
| TG, SHITSHITSHITHISTHITSHITSTHI | |
| GG, Don't tell me. | |
| GG," The book is damaged somehow, isn't it?" | |
| TG, ffuuuuuuuuuuuk :( | |
| GG, Sigh. Is it at least SOMEWHAT intact? | |
| GG, Or was it completely incinerated in transit? | |
| GG, I just KNEW we should have used Wise Guy. I can't believe this. | |
| TG, dont worry | |
| TG, the book itself is topes fine :* | |
| TG, *:9 | |
| TG, *dsjf :( | |
| GG, Oh. | |
| GG, Then what's the problem? | |
| TG, fffff | |
| TG, im so stupid :( | |
| TG, so stupoid so stupud soos tupob :((( | |
| GG, Will you tell me what happened?? | |
| TG, gotta go bbl | |
| TG, well talk abt important stuffs l8r | |
| TG, ps jane ty 4 believin me | |
| TG, OH SHIT | |
| TG, on last thing jane | |
| TG, DO NOT RUN THEFILE I SENT U BEFORE I GET BACK | |
| TG, i need 2 | |
| TG, uh | |
| TG, just dont w/o me ok | |
| GG, I guess I should find all that ominous. | |
| GG," But I cannot lie, sir." | |
| GG, Nothing you have said has made me one iota less excited to begin this adventure! | |
| GG, Those dastardly agents can try to assassinate me all they like. I just want to get started! | |
| TT," That's the most awesome way to be, Jane." | |
| TT, And it is again why you will be our leader. | |
| TT, (Sort of.) | |
| GG, Right. | |
| GG," Still fixing to pull the strings for us, per your extensive puppet metaphor?" | |
| TT, Pulling them as we speak. | |
| TT, I am having Lil Seb install a real copy of the client on another computer in your house. | |
| TT," A clean computer, not any of this BCCorp garbage you tend to accumulate." | |
| TT," I'll have to insist from this point onward, you employ neutral devices." | |
| TT, That shit fucks with your head. | |
| GG, Hrm. | |
| GG," Alrighty, I think I can make that concession." | |
| TT," Once it's installed, I'll connect with you. I will be your server player." | |
| TT," I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but some improvisation is in order." | |
| TT," While you get the ball rolling, I'll try to talk some sense into that mercurial boozehound." | |
| GG, Sounds like a plan. | |
| GG, I do hope she comes around. It would be a bummer to play without her. | |
| TT, She will. | |
| GG," Say, do I even have any machines that survived the explosion besides this one?" | |
| TT, Do you even have any machines that don't inundate you with fucking Hamburger Helper ads and Guy Fieri's heinous propaganda? | |
| GG, I guess not. :p | |
| GG," Still, some nice things were surely destroyed." | |
| GG, I think Detective Pony was caught in the blast. | |
| GG, It's unlikely Acorn survived. :'( | |
| TT, A fitting end to a life of moral compromise. | |
| GG," So, since I'm apparently out of ""neutral devices,""" | |
| GG, Which computer is Seb installing the file on? | |
| TT, On your dad's computer downstairs. | |
| TT, One in the study. | |
| GG, Gotcha. | |
| GG, My poor dad. | |
| GG, He surely heard the explosion. I've put him through so much today. | |
| GG, Oh no... | |
| TT, What? | |
| GG, I just had a dreadful thought. | |
| GG, The kitchen is just below my room. | |
| GG, What if he had begun baking his afternoon cake when my computer exploded? | |
| TT, I wouldn't worry about it. | |
| GG, Maybe I should go look? | |
| GG, Though I'm a little afraid to. | |
| TT, I think it'll take a lot more to kill that dude than a little falling debris. | |
| TT, Trust me. | |
| GG, I hope so. | |
| GG, The Crockers have something of a legacy when it comes to losing forebears in mysterious explosions. | |
| GG, I would be so sad if I kept the tradition alive like this. | |
| TT, The most you have to worry about is getting grounded back to the stone age. | |
| TT," When you enter the session, he'll probably lock you up in a prison cell on Derse." | |
| TT, Probably stick a huge safe in front of the bars for good measure. | |
| TT, Now do me a favor and hop off the couch. | |
| GG, Ok. | |
| GG, What are you doing? | |
| TT, Makin' room for something big. | |
| TT, Are you ready to do this thing? | |
| GG, Yes! | |
| TT," Ok. Looks like all that's left to do is deploy this pre-punched card, then I guess it's all up to you." | |
| GG," Oh, wait." | |
| GG, It's Roxy again. | |
| TT, Is it? | |
| TT, How totally unanticipated by anybody. | |
| GG, Can you hold on? I'll try to make it quick. | |
| TT, Go. | |
| TT, I will be here. | |
| TT, Quietly calculating. | |
| TG, ALART ALART ARLART AL*ERT AL*ART!!!!! | |
| TG, hugely important cornespondence | |
| TG, paging doctor crocker | |
| TG, rolal to docrock | |
| GG, :? | |
| TG, heh heh | |
| TG, paging | |
| TG, bet you would like to get PAGED huh jane | |
| TG, *sweet innuendo | |
| GG, I'm not sure that qualifies as innuendo at all. | |
| TG, wonkwonkwonkwonkwonk | |
| GG," I honestly think you misspell things intentionally more often than not, regardless of blood alcohol content." | |
| GG, You just typed wonk five times in a row! | |
| TG, i have only junst begun to wonk | |
| GG," What is this urgent thing about, anyway?" | |
| GG, Is it about your boobytrap? | |
| GG," Because you're too late. It already blew up my whole bedroom, thank you very much." | |
| TG, no no | |
| TG, i mean i still feel shitty about that but its not abiout that | |
| TG, i know you already ran it i been talking to the shades | |
| GG," Yes, me too. Right now in fact, and I'm in a bit of a hurry!" | |
| GG, What is this about? What are you even doing? | |
| TG, im in the lab doing a thing with my cat | |
| TG, but that doesnt matter i was doing some thingkin and was still feeling guilty about fuckin up ur computer and all of the sudden im in bff~ath mode here | |
| TG, so i gotta tell you something u need to know before its too late | |
| GG, Before what's too late? | |
| TG, you and jake hookin up stupid! | |
| GG, Oh my god. | |
| TG, this is about turnin all your steamydreamz in to STEAMAY REALTITIES | |
| TG, ***realities lolo | |
| GG, This isn't happening now... | |
| TG," whereins jc + je kiss & hug loads and start turnin out big heaps of wrigglers the old fashioned way<3<3,3,3<338O!!!!" | |
| TG, i cant decide whether this mental image porcolating here is hot as shit or cute as fuck...... | |
| GG, No! Cease your lascivious porcolating at once! | |
| GG," Roxy, I can see you're set on just wasting more of my time." | |
| GG," I understand if you don't wish to play this game, but please try not to interfere with those of us who do!" | |
| TG, no no im fine with playing just shut up | |
| TG, this is serious you need to tell him how u feel VERY SOON | |
| TG, or you might miss your chance | |
| GG, My chance? | |
| GG, What are you talking about? | |
| TG, i found out today taht dirks gonna make a move | |
| GG," A move? You mean, a romantic one?" | |
| TG, yes | |
| GG, On you? | |
| TG, omfffgggggg | |
| TG, JANE GET A CLUE | |
| GG, Um. | |
| GG, On me? | |
| TG, no | |
| TG, no my dear sweet janey not on you | |
| TG, ON JAKE!!! | |
| GG, Oh. | |
| GG, Ohhh. | |
| GG, I didn't think... | |
| GG, That... | |
| GG, Hrm. | |
| GG, Are you sure? | |
| TG, p sure ask glasses if u want | |
| GG, Well then. | |
| GG, This is quite a development. | |
| GG, Poor Dirk! | |
| TG, what do you mean | |
| GG," Well, surely when he reveals his feelings, Jake will..." | |
| TG, ?? | |
| GG, I mean... | |
| GG, He couldn't possibly... | |
| TG, wut | |
| TG, repriprocate? | |
| GG, Yes? | |
| TG, why not | |
| GG, Because Jake is not a homosexual! | |
| TG, mm hm | |
| TG, are u suuuuuure??? | |
| GG, Are you saying he is? | |
| TG, nope | |
| GG, Then what are you saying? | |
| TG, im saying that | |
| TG, i dont fuckin know | |
| GG, But... | |
| GG, I thought it reasonable to presume he takes a shining to ladies. | |
| GG," He does speak fondly of certain females from his favorite films, does he not?" | |
| TG, true that | |
| TG, but | |
| TG, how much does that really mean here jane | |
| TG, can you be totes sure on account a some dorky moive crushes | |
| GG," Well, now I just don't know. You have me completely bamboozled about this." | |
| GG, What do you think? | |
| TG, all im saying is | |
| TG, my gaydar is like the exanct fuckin poposite of urs | |
| TG, which is to say it is better than completety nonexistant | |
| TG, mine is so sensitive it has been used to sweep the ocean floor for mythical sea monsters | |
| TG, turns out | |
| TG, all of those monsters are SO gay | |
| TG, truth B) | |
| GG," Okay. Then what does your acute seabeast scanner make of Jake, then?" | |
| TG, thats what im sayin | |
| TG, i really have no idea | |
| TG, kid is a goggamn egnigma | |
| TG, hes as hard 2 read as fine print | |
| TG, and how i do mean FIIINE ;) | |
| GG, Oh brother. | |
| GG," Then, your guess is as good as mine?" | |
| GG, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to conclude from this. | |
| TG, youre supposed to concluce | |
| TG, that you SAID you were going to believe anything i said today remember?? | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, But you just said you don't know!!! | |
| TG, exactly | |
| TG, therefore you must believe me when i say | |
| TG, if dirk lets on all his feelins there is at least a CHANCE jake will go like DERP OK DUDE LETS MAKE OUT | |
| TG, and that means poor jane is screwed without ever even throwing her filthy old fedora in the ring | |
| TG, it is a ring i lke ot call TEH ENGLISH SPEEPSTAKES | |
| TG, and if u dont youll regret it | |
| TG, and i mean | |
| TG, OFFICIALLY? | |
| TG, i cant have a horse in the race | |
| TG, wait bad metaphor ebcause of dirk and his fucking horstes n/m | |
| TG, like you are both my friends and im not out to mess him up or anything | |
| TG, but i kinda owe it to you as my friend to let you know whats up | |
| TG, and also to get you to stop being such a WORLD CHAMPIAN TIGHTASS | |
| TG, and let jake know | |
| GG," Oh, not this tightass baloney again." | |
| TG, jane | |
| GG, What? | |
| TG, jaane.. | |
| GG, ... | |
| TG, jc your are the tightassiest tightass who ever tightened up an ass | |
| GG, No way! | |
| GG," We settled this, remember?" | |
| GG, My prior resolution made it definitive; I was to be regarded as exceedingly permissive in certain respects! | |
| TG, jane i am afraid | |
| TG, that ur bottom | |
| TG, is a stubborn clam | |
| TG, guarding priceless treasure | |
| TG, and a deadly secret | |
| GG, So ridiculous. >:P | |
| TG, im not saying be an idiot and start gushing at him incoherentry | |
| TG, but do SOMETHING | |
| TG, say how u feel | |
| TG, or flirst a bit or ask him out on a date inside the fuckin game or such | |
| TG, goddamn ANYTHING other that a bunch of bullshitty pining and tightassy NOTHING | |
| TG, you have to do what i say u promised | |
| GG," I promised to BELIEVE what you say, not DO it!" | |
| TG, those 2 things are | |
| TG, prespicely the same shit | |
| GG," If I agree to say something, will you stop tormenting me about it??" | |
| TG, yes | |
| TG, but only | |
| TG, because that will be impossible for me to do | |
| TG, when u + him r snoggin hard in motherfuckin makeout paradise | |
| TG, A K A SEX LAND | |
| GG, Fine. | |
| GG," But let the record show that this resolution has almost nothing whatsoever to do with your use of the phrase ""SEX LAND.""" | |
| GG, Just... | |
| GG," I need to think of what to say, and wait for the right moment. Is that ok???" | |
| TG, sure | |
| TG, just dont wait too long | |
| TG, and dont underestimate striders wiles | |
| TG, nor jakes... | |
| TG, lets say | |
| TG, open mindedness??????? | |
| GG," Well," | |
| GG," He does often profess his love for adventure, I suppose." | |
| TG, yuuup................ | |
| GG, Omg. | |
| GG," I really don't have a moment to spare, do I?" | |
| TG, ur finally gettin it | |
| TG, now go | |
| TG, and jane im warning u | |
| TG, if you dont say somethin to him | |
| TG, i am personally entering the game specivically to FUCK UR SHIT UP | |
| TG, *LOLLIES OUTIE* | |
| GT, Aloha madame. | |
| GG, Jake! | |
| GG, Hey there. I was actually about to message you. | |
| GT, Yes i have heard that maybe your correspondence was forthcoming. | |
| GG, You did? | |
| GT, I just got off the horn with roxy. | |
| GG, Wait... | |
| GG, What did she tell you? | |
| GT, Well. Not anything all that specific. | |
| GG, Did she goad you into writing this message? | |
| GT, Oh you know how it is. What with her ways. | |
| GG, What ways? | |
| GT, You know... ways! | |
| GT, I believe they are not incongruous with those of a feisty and provocative young woman. | |
| GG, Provocative my behind! | |
| GG, She is skirting dangerously close to meddlesome territory. | |
| GT, No its really not like that! | |
| GT, Hold on... | |
| GT, God dammit. | |
| GG, ?? | |
| GT, Its just dirks inscrutable wrestlebot acting up over there. | |
| GT, What the fuck is it doing now? | |
| GG, Has one of his gadgets been causing trouble for you over there as well? | |
| GT," If by causing trouble you mean clobbering the everfriggin tar out of me while still switched to the ""novice"" setting then yes." | |
| GT, But that is not why i messaged you!!! I will not be deterred here jane. | |
| GG, Deterred from what? | |
| GT, Jane i think its time we had an honest to goodness dame to fella talk. Like about our... | |
| GT, Stuff. You know? | |
| GG, Our stuff? | |
| GT, Our feelings. | |
| GT, Like how we feel about each other. | |
| GG, Um... | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, Okay. | |
| GT, I dont think im out of line in suggesting weve been tiptoeing around some things here do you? | |
| GG, Have we? | |
| GT, I think so. Its just a hunch. | |
| GG," Is there something you want to say to me, Jake?" | |
| GG, About how you feel? | |
| GT, Absolutely! | |
| GT, I feel that total honesty between us will be the best policy as we begin our journey together. | |
| GT, So i say lets put all the facts on the table where we can both see them. | |
| GT, With that in mind i would like to ask you a question jane and i hope it doesnt strike you as being too forward. | |
| GG, ... | |
| GG, Go on. | |
| GT, Maybe its just my imagination but ive picked up on certain lets say hints. | |
| GT, So i have to just come out and ask. Hoo boy this is actually proving to be a serious challenge to my bravery now that im going through with it. | |
| GT, Im getting a little hot under the collar here! | |
| GG," No, it's ok..." | |
| GG, Please continue! | |
| GT, Ok then. | |
| GT, What id like to know is... | |
| GT, Do you like me jane? | |
| GG, Uh. | |
| GG, Wait... | |
| GG, What? | |
| GT, I mean do you like me as more than a friend? | |
| GT, Do you envision us as like... | |
| GT, An item? A romantic pairing of sorts? | |
| GG," Wow, um." | |
| GT, Is that the direction in which you would prefer our relationship to progress? | |
| GG," Well," | |
| GG, I | |
| GT, Please! Be honest with me jane. | |
| GT, Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? | |
| GG, No! | |
| GT, I see. | |
| GT, Very well then. | |
| GT, Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. | |
| GT, Are you sure the answers no? | |
| GG, I guess... | |
| GG, That... | |
| GG, Sure was the thing I said! Ha ha. | |
| GT, Yes fair enough. | |
| GT, I guess i did put you on the spot there didnt i. | |
| GT, You know it may sound cocky of me but i really was not prepared for this answer! | |
| GT, You must think im just this epic friggin tool now. Couldnt say id disagree if you did. | |
| GG, No!!!!!! | |
| GG," Oh my God, what am I saying here?" | |
| GG," Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way!" | |
| GT, Now jane lets not backpedal here. | |
| GT, Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. | |
| GT, But now that i think about it you know what? | |
| GG, ... | |
| GG, No? :( | |
| GT, Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! | |
| GG, It is? | |
| GT, I consider you to be a lovely lady of the highest caliber and i really think any gent worth his salt would be a huge bozo to let the chance to go steady with you slip through his fingers. | |
| GT, Ive even given the possibility some thought myself. | |
| GG, You have? | |
| GT, Sure im only human jane im going to entertain lets say certain ideas. What ifs. You know? | |
| GT, Like what if we did meet up some day? And you asked me out or something. Im sure id say yes given all weve been through together and then well who knows? | |
| GG, You would?? | |
| GT, Probably but im kind of babbling here. The point is those are all just silly daydreams about stuff and about your feelings for me that i was projecting on you which werent even real. | |
| GT, And now that weve been honest with each other about this we can kind of move on and just be great friends. | |
| GG, Friends! | |
| GG, Oh boy!! | |
| GT, And its a load off to be honest because that was lot to think about on top of everything else! | |
| GG, Everything else? | |
| GT, Things are kind of complicated for me jane. With you and roxy and dirk and his crazy responder and now... | |
| GT, Well its a tangled web lets just put it that way. | |
| GG, I don't think I'm following. | |
| GT, There are a fuckload of irons in the fire jane! | |
| GT, So many irons in the fire. Such a tangled web. It is a web full of flaming irons. | |
| GG," And mixed metaphors, apparently?" | |
| GT, Exactly. See? You get it. | |
| GG," I really don't, Jake." | |
| GT, Oh son of a bitch! | |
| GG, What?! | |
| GT, The robot is being weird again. | |
| GG, What's happening? | |
| GT, Its having some sort of mental episode. | |
| GT, See this is what im talking about jane. This is what im dealing with here. | |
| GT, Sigh. Like i said my life is many different hells of complicated. | |
| GG," Jake, could you just tell me what you're talking about?" | |
| GT, Youre right. I did say honesty was the best policy didnt i so i might as well not keep certain things so close to the vest anymore. | |
| GT, Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! | |
| GG," Haha, yes!" | |
| GG, Friends!!!! | |
| GT, Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? | |
| GG, Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! | |
| GT, Jane are you alright? | |
| GT, You seem to be exclaiming more liberally than usual. | |
| GG, Me? | |
| GG, HOO HOO HOO! | |
| GG, I'm just | |
| GG, Terrific! | |
| GG, I'm feeling so... | |
| GG, Friendly!!! | |
| GG, I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. | |
| GG, Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? | |
| GG, Shit I mean | |
| GG, Ahahahah! | |
| GT, Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. | |
| GT, So as i was saying. | |
| GT, I cant help but feel like all this stuff going on with dirk like his responders mind games and his brobots mysterious and brutal hazings... | |
| GT, Are all like... | |
| GT, Man i know this is going to sound crazy. | |
| GG, What? | |
| GT, Like theyre all part of a really long term and esoteric courtship process that is bizarre but somehow makes perfect sense in his mind. | |
| GG, Courtship?? | |
| GT, Yes from dirk. | |
| GT, To you know... | |
| GT, Woo me. | |
| GG, Huh! | |
| GG, Really? | |
| GT, I know its hard to believe but i know dirk pretty well and... | |
| GT, Well im more than a little sure he likes me in that way if you catch my drift. | |
| GT, And what with how he is... | |
| GT, Just so relentless and aggressive about everything you know? | |
| GG, Yeaaah. | |
| GT, So i just start to wonder deep down if maybe its inevitable. | |
| GG, What's inevitable? | |
| GT, Him and me. As more than just best buddies. | |
| GG, Uhhhhh... | |
| GT, I know if he has his heart set on something he will never let up. | |
| GT, So maybe its just going to happen and things will be easier that way and i should just try to come to terms with it? | |
| GG," I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to, Jake." | |
| GT, Yeah. | |
| GT, Um. | |
| GG, Wait. | |
| GG, DO you not want to? | |
| GT, Like i said jane i am inclined to entertain certain ideas and what ifs thats all. | |
| GT, I mean we do get along really well and share a lot of interests. | |
| GT, Im not saying im really GUNG HO TO THE MAX about the proposition but yeah ive given it some thought. | |
| GT, I dunno. | |
| GT, Do you think thats weird of me? For even considering it? | |
| GG, Well... | |
| GG, No. | |
| GG," I don't think that makes you weird, Jake." | |
| GT, Really? | |
| GG, I think | |
| GG, That | |
| GT, What jane? | |
| GG, I think that it's great if you are open to exploring those feelings. | |
| GT, Thats really swell of you to say that. | |
| GT, Have i mentioned what a top notch friend you are jane? | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, As a matter of fact you have. | |
| GT, Now please dont take me as saying im about to go leaping into his arms or anything. | |
| GG, Heh. | |
| GT, That would be a bit brash. | |
| GT, Haha could you imagine?? | |
| GG, Whee! | |
| GT, But my thought process sort of went like this. | |
| GT, Hes been my best friend forever and ive always liked him a lot as a bro. | |
| GT, And years ago i used to joke around with him that we would probably be totally into each other if he was a girl. | |
| GT, But of course that was before i started to realize he was probably serious about those feelings for me regardless. | |
| GT, Heheh come to think of it maybe that was unwittingly poor form on my part kind of leading him on or something? | |
| GG, Whoops!! | |
| GT, But then... | |
| GT, Later i started thinking. | |
| GT, Maybe i was being kind of unfair to him in the first place? | |
| GT, I mean by saying we would be a good match only if he was a girl. | |
| GT, Like is that last condition there really all THAT important? | |
| GT, Does that make sense? | |
| GG, Hmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
| GT, You are incredibly understanding jane. Thank you so much for listening. | |
| GT, I have never told anyone all that. Its so great to have a friend as good as you. | |
| GG," That is what I am good for, it seems!" | |
| GT, If we hadnt cleared the air just now i probably never would have had the gumption to talk about it with you. | |
| GT, Its so cool how you were honest with me about how you felt. I think honesty is always the best policy. I cant believe how much i was overcomplicating all this in my head. | |
| GT, Haha the situation is really pretty funny when you think about it. | |
| GG, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! | |
| GG, Yeaaaaaaaah.......... | |
| GG," Say, Jake?" | |
| GG," Not to cast doubt on your feelings, but are you quite sure all of Dirk's actions have been for the sake of courtship?" | |
| GT, Um... | |
| GG," You did say his robot was prone to assailing you, did you not?" | |
| GG, Is that really an affectionate gesture? | |
| GT, Well... | |
| GT, He basically sent me that thing as kind of a sparring partner. | |
| GT, Like to wrestle with. | |
| GT, And i love to wrestle! | |
| GG, Oh. | |
| GT, And yeah i guess he programmed it to be a bit overzealous but i mean what do you expect from the guy. | |
| GT, I think its his way of training me to become tougher. | |
| GT, Which sometimes is annoying and sometimes when i walk through the jungle im sweating bullets wondering if its going to pounce on me outta nowhere. | |
| GT, But theres actually something kind of exciting about that its like every day is more of an adventure. | |
| GT, And truthfully its probably working i probably AM getting better at being in scrums. | |
| GG, Yeah. | |
| GG, I guess you're right. | |
| GT, And his responder which i guess is really a part of his personality even if he doesnt like to say so... | |
| GT, It kind of lets on a lot more than dirk ever would. Its almost like its this weird clone of himself playing passive aggressive matchmaker between me and his real self. | |
| GG, Yeah. | |
| GG, I can see how such a complicated relationship could keep you preoccupied. | |
| GG, I guess I can't blame you. | |
| GG, Maybe you should just... | |
| GG, I don't know. | |
| GT, What? | |
| GG, Maybe you should just go for it. | |
| GG," Hell, why not." | |
| GG, Just tell him you know how he feels and that you're open to the idea? | |
| GT, You really think so? | |
| GG, ... | |
| GG, Yeah sure why the hell not. | |
| GT, Well i was kinda going to let it play out and just see what happens and go from there... | |
| GT, But you think a more proactive approach would be better? | |
| GG," Well," | |
| GG, He likes you. | |
| GG, You seem to like him well enough. | |
| GG, Just... | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, Why not?? | |
| GG, Sounds good to me!!! | |
| GT, Wow. | |
| GT, I must say this sort of advice surprises me coming from you! | |
| GG, And why would that be?! | |
| GG," What, are you expecting me to advocate a more conservative approach?" | |
| GG, To tell you to keep being shy and cagey and keep beating around the bush indefinitely?? | |
| GG, What would ever give you that idea about me! | |
| GT, Hmm. | |
| GT, Yes i guess that is a certainly a strategy to consider. | |
| GT, Jane i must say your perspective on this is refreshingly bold. | |
| GG, I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT AS REFRESHING BOLDNESS GOES I AM SIMPLY THE BEST THERE IS. | |
| GT, Hehehe! Sure looks that way! | |
| GG, Screw it! | |
| GG, Ask him out. | |
| GG, Just kill the suspense already. | |
| GG, Become boyfriends and such. | |
| GG, Have some babies!!! | |
| GT, Whoa now! | |
| GT, Jane the decision to sire children with your best bro is not one to be taken lightly. | |
| GG, Okay I think I have to go. | |
| GG, I have this stupid game to play. | |
| TT, Here. | |
| GG, Get this shit out of my face. | |
| TT, But you need it. | |
| GG, Whatever. | |
| TT, Is something wrong? | |
| TT, What were you two talking about? | |
| GG," I don't want to talk about it, and if I did, I sure wouldn't want to talk about it with you!" | |
| TT," Should I be offended, or apologetic right now?" | |
| TT, Help me out. | |
| TT, You're talkin' to glasses here. | |
| GG, I just want to go to sleep and not wake up forever. | |
| TT, I think I'll just put this card over here on the desk. | |
| TAVRISPRITE," wHAT," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Thhhhhhhhe," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," fUCK!!!!!!!!," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Happened,?" | |
| TAVRISPRITE," mY," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Person, ality is........" | |
| TAVRISPRITE," hNNNNNNNNGH," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Just,,,,,,,," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," a8SOLUTELY, fUCKING," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Uhhhhhhhh," | |
| TAVRISPRITE, iRRRRRRRRECONCILA8LE!!!!!!!! | |
| TAVRISPRITE, D::::{ | |
| JANE, AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH! | |
| GAMZEE, honk. | |
| TAVRISPRITE," nO," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," nO, No, nO, No, nO, No, nO, No." | |
| TAVRISPRITE," yOU HAVE TO," | |
| TAVRISPRITE, Undo this somehow. | |
| TAVRISPRITE," aRE YOU LISTENING TO ME, cLOWN, aND" | |
| TAVRISPRITE, Whoever the fuck you are???????? | |
| TAVRISPRITE," mAKE ME STOP 8EING THIS THING!,!,!,!,!,!,!,!," | |
| JANE, Hrm. | |
| JANE," Ok, I'm sorry for screaming there. That fellow over there just caught me quite off guard with this... uh... stunt." | |
| TAVRISPRITE," hMMMMMMMMK," | |
| JANE, You seem quite upset. I think we should all try to calm down and figure out what to do. | |
| TAVRISPRITE," yRRRRRRRRG," | |
| JANE," Um, yes. Well, first of all, my name is Jane. Pleased to meet you." | |
| JANE, What is yours? | |
| TAVRISPRITE, My name? | |
| TAVRISPRITE," fUCK, mY NAME," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," It's, nOTHING!" | |
| TAVRISPRITE," i AM, a STUTTERING, rEPELLENT, uNHOLY.......," | |
| TAVRISPRITE, a8OMIN8TION! | |
| JANE, Oh dear. | |
| TAVRISPRITE," yOU HAVE," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Noooooooo," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," iDEA," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," hOW, fUUUUUUUUCKING MUCH," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," iIIIIIII," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," H88888888te myself right now, !!!!!!!!" | |
| GAMZEE, HONK. | |
| JANE," Quiet, you!" | |
| JANE, This is all your fault. Look at what you've done! | |
| TAVRISPRITE," sHUT UUUUUUUUP," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," i H8 YOU BOTH, I h8te, EVERYTHING." | |
| TAVRISPRITE," I h8te, the way, i FALTERINGLY, sPEAK OUT, my jum8led, tHOUGHTS," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," i H8, hOW i DRAAAAAAAAG OUT, tHE THINGS, I say, sOMETIMES," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," I don't even know, wHICH PARTS OF MYSELF, aRE H8TING, which things????????" | |
| TAVRISPRITE," sO," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," i JUST H8TE," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Eeeeeeeevvvvvvvvveeeeeeeerrrrrrrryyyyyyyy, tHING!!!!!!!!" | |
| JANE," Hey, clown!" | |
| JANE, Can't you do something? This poor creature shouldn't exist! | |
| TAVRISPRITE," Aaaaaaaa," | |
| TAVRISPRITE," aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA,aAAAAAAA!" | |
| TT, Shred it. | |
| GG, What? | |
| TT, you HAVE | |
| TT, the car. | |
| GG, Um. | |
| TT, Now shred it. | |
| TT, Turn it into grist. | |
| GG, Oh! | |
| GG, No!! | |
| GG, I am not going to destroy my dad's car. | |
| TT, We need grist though. | |
| TT, I can't get any building done without more. | |
| TT, Not to mention the fact that you're not going to be able to make any cool shit. | |
| GG," There has to be a better way to gather up grist, though." | |
| TT," Well, I think there are supposed to be monsters here." | |
| TT," I haven't seen any monsters yet, have you?" | |
| GG," No, and I can't say I'm too disappointed." | |
| TT, You should be though. Presumably they would drop grist and stuff when you kill them. | |
| TT, Like treasure. And food products that restore your health. Or at least make you less hungry. | |
| TT," Haven't you ever played a video game, Jane?" | |
| GG, Of course I have! | |
| TT," That's cool. I haven't, since I am a pair of sunglasses, and communing with such simplistic software would be a trivial and hollow exercise for me." | |
| TT, But I know loads of stuff about games. Like the fact that you gotta kill monsters if you want to make progress. | |
| TT," If not to snatch up the bitchin' loot, at least for the levels." | |
| GG, Levels? | |
| TT," How are you going to get better at fightin' without killing monsters, Jane." | |
| GG," I think I've done a fair job of scaling my echeladder without resorting to the slaughter of innocent, fictional monsters, thank you very much." | |
| TT, Please. | |
| TT, You've barely done any climbing at all. I'm talking about hopping more rungs than what playing a little prank on your dad or throwing your hat on the ground super hard is gonna get you. | |
| TT, You need battle experience to make some real headway. Like Jake. | |
| GG, I'm getting a little tired of various iterations of Dirk Strider telling me how I need to be more like Jake. | |
| GG, I know you think Jake is neat. I know all the Dirks just ADORE Jake! I GET IT! | |
| TT," Wow, chill out." | |
| TT, This ain't about whatever stuff you're apparently fixin' to twist your shit in a pretzel over. | |
| TT," You just need to get stronger, is all. Don't you think that's what your dad would want?" | |
| GG, You don't need to remind me about that. I'm suddenly having flashbacks to a few years ago when he would ambush me almost every day for a pointless round of strife. | |
| GG, Boy does getting swatted with brooms and having cakes shoved in your face get old fast. | |
| TT," Yeah, but in the process you got pretty handy with that fork/spoon thingy, didn't you?" | |
| GG, Well. Yes. | |
| TT," I'm just saying, if you don't run into any monsters on this planet, I think I'm going to have to set the bunny to ""sparring mode"" to help you along." | |
| GG, I am not going to spar with Lil Sebastian!!! | |
| GG, He is too quick and deadly to fight with. | |
| GG," And also, too adorable. :B" | |
| TT, Ok. We'll see about that. | |
| TT," But in the meantime, we need to figure out a way to start harvesting grist." | |
| TT," Let's forget the car. But now that you have the wallet, you can grab much bigger things." | |
| TT, Big things have got to be worth more grist than all the picayune bullshit you keep around the house. | |
| TT," There are some choice relics in this place. Some of it has to be worth a fortune, gristways." | |
| GG, You could be right. | |
| GG, I will give it a try. | |
| TT, Hmm. | |
| GG," Welp, let me have it!" | |
| TT, Have what? | |
| GG, A hard time for botching up the pooch! | |
| GG, I think I just locked the door with that muttonheaded stunt. And now that mirrored obelisk is good as gone. | |
| TT, I wasn't going to say nothin'. | |
| TT," Hell, I was asleep at the wheel too while you were busy fucking up, and I have an IQ of, hold on, robo-calculating..." | |
| TT, Robo-calculating... | |
| TT, Robo-calculating... | |
| TT, Robo-calculating... | |
| GG, Oh brother. | |
| TT, Robo-calculating... | |
| TT, About 500 billion. | |
| GG," That is really, really robo-smart." | |
| TT," Don't get human-fresh with me, Crocker. I'm about to bring all five hundo-billy points of my stringent cyborg IQ to bear on your dumb problem. Check it out." | |
| TT," I took note of the captcha code to the thing, and recorded a digital flashsnap of its appearance through my photographic silicone memory canals." | |
| TT," Which is to say I looked at eight alphanumeric digits a couple minutes ago, and remembered them." | |
| GG, Ok? | |
| TT, So give the bunny the wallet. I'll have him run back to the house and make you a new obelisk with the same grist you just collected from it. | |
| TT," He can stash it in the wallet and run it back to you, and then you can open the door. You shouldn't be waiting around too long, cause he's real spry." | |
| TT, Which is exactly why you should wait here. You'll just slow him down. | |
| GG," Alright, I think I can do that." | |
| GG, What should I do in the meantime? | |
| TT, Let me think about that. | |
| TT, Robo-calculating... | |
| GG, Oh stop it! | |
| TT, K. | |
| GG, None of our friends will answer me. What could they be up to? | |
| GG, You must at least know what Dirk is doing. | |
| TT, He's slicing up some drones. | |
| GG, Some what? | |
| TT, Big red robots. He'll be busy for a while. | |
| TT," Roxy I'm not sure about, but there is a pretty high probability as governed by the immutable laws of mathematics that she is preoccupied similarly." | |
| GG," She's fighting robots too, you mean?" | |
| TT, I don't know. Maybe. | |
| TT," Dealing with them, in some way, perhaps." | |
| TT," If so, it wouldn't be a coincidence." | |
| GG, Why? | |
| TT, I think the Condesce is attempting to force the issue now. | |
| GG, What? What issue! | |
| TT, It's likely that it's a coordinated assault. Sending drones both to here and Roxy's place. | |
| TT, She's probably trying to get everyone else to stop dicking around and join the game already. | |
| GG, Are you sure she's not just trying to kill them? | |
| GG, It wouldn't be her first assassination attempt. | |
| TT," Yeah, but come on. Dirk has been a sitting duck here for years. Roxy too." | |
| TT, She could have wiped them out any time with a swarm much bigger than this one. Or just nuked them. | |
| TT," Her ""assassination attempt"" on you was pretty weak too." | |
| GG, But it nearly worked! | |
| GG, I would be dead right now if not for the whims of GCat. | |
| TT, Right. | |
| TT, Like I trust the motives of that fucking thing. | |
| GG," So, you're saying she's only pretending to hunt us?" | |
| TT, I believe she probably would genuinely like to kill us. She is a psycho after all. | |
| TT," But it's also obvious to me she needs us to begin playing this game, for whatever fucked up purpose she has." | |
| TT," She might even need us to win it too, for all I know." | |
| TT, Her antagonism is all part of the dance. | |
| GG, Then you're saying Dirk and Roxy aren't really in danger from the robots? | |
| TT," Oh, I wouldn't say that. They're still pretty deadly and they shoot missiles and stuff." | |
| GG, Augh! I just want to talk to my friends and see if they're ok. | |
| GG, What about Jake? | |
| TT, No idea what's going on with him right now. | |
| TT," I'm sure when the time is right, the witch will keep pushing him along to join the game as well." | |
| GG, Then I guess I'll just sit here and worry about everyone quietly until Seb gets back. | |
| TT, What about your troll friend? | |
| GG, What? | |
| TT, The alien whose name you don't know. | |
| TT, You could talk to her. | |
| GG, Oh yeah! | |
| GG, I forgot about her. | |
| GG, But I suppose that's because she's always the one to contact me. I never get a response when I message her. | |
| TT," Well, you could give her a try. Maybe things are different now." | |
| TT," I could hack into her system to get her attention, if you think that would help." | |
| GG, You can do that?? | |
| TT," Nah, just messin' with you." | |
| TT, Later. | |
| GG, Hello? | |
| GG, Are you there? | |
| UU, yes. | |
| GG, Oh my! You answered! | |
| GG, You never answer. | |
| UU, don't i? | |
| GG," Well, no. I don't mean to be accusatory." | |
| GG, I am just surprised. | |
| UU, right then. | |
| UU, what can i do for yoU? | |
| GG, Well... nothing in particular. Just thought it would be nice to catch up. | |
| GG, I was beginning to think I was the only one of my friends left alive. | |
| GG, Maybe this gloomy place full of salamander bones and dusty old relics is starting to get to me. | |
| GG, Not to mention the most unwelcome presence of entrepreneurial clowns and their enormous codpieces. | |
| UU, coUld be. | |
| GG," I'm still trying to track down my father. I've been gathering clues, and I may be getting close." | |
| GG, Do you by any chance know if I might see him soon? | |
| GG, Hmm... | |
| GG, Are you there? | |
| UU, oh. yes. | |
| UU, keep going where yoU're headed. | |
| UU, things will work oUt in time. yoU'll see him. | |
| GG, Phew! That's nice to know. Thanks. | |
| GG," You aren't usually forthcoming with future tidbits. Er, not that I was always especially eager to believe you about them anyway." | |
| GG," But I think I've been coming around on that lately, for what it's worth." | |
| GG," So, um." | |
| GG, Hey. | |
| GG, Are you ok there? | |
| GG, You seem rather preoccupied. | |
| UU, i'm sorry. | |
| UU, i am not having the best day. u_u | |
| GG, What's wrong? | |
| UU, everything! | |
| UU, where do i bloody begin. | |
| GG, Is it your brother? | |
| UU, well that goes withoUt saying doesn't it? he is ALWAYS a problem. | |
| UU, bUt it's more than that. | |
| UU," when i sleep and visit prospit, i see nothing bUt storm cloUds in skaia now." | |
| UU," my great big lovely ball of blUe has been cloUding over. soon i fear it will be completely black, and the kingdom will be shroUded in darkness." | |
| UU, i wish i Understood the meaning of this terrible omen. | |
| GG, That sounds awful! | |
| UU, and my brother has become more Uncooperative than ever. | |
| UU," he intends to play the game, bUt refUses to treat it like a collaboration." | |
| UU," i have told him many times that the only way we can win is to work together! bUt he wants it to be yet another competition between Us, like everything has been all oUr lives." | |
| UU, his threats to kill me have become harder to dismiss as his UsUal empty bravado. | |
| UU, i fear it may come down to having to kill him first. | |
| UU," althoUgh i am not sUre exactly how i woUld go aboUt this, or if i will even be Up to the task. umu;" | |
| GG, I had no idea things had gotten this grim for you. I am so sorry. | |
| UU, yes. bUt i'll cope. | |
| UU, the real troUble thoUgh is i'm not sUre if i can play a sUccessfUl session withoUt him. | |
| UU," a two player session was already risky enoUgh, satisfying bare minimUm playing conditions." | |
| UU," and i had it on good aUthority that the two of Us woUld be able to sUcceed, particUlarly given oUr... well, withoUt intending to boast. varioUs advantages." | |
| UU, bUt i have no idea if a session of one is viable. | |
| UU, honestly i cannot for the life of me imagine how. | |
| UU," it may well resUlt in a void session like yoUrs, bUt withoUt the promise of any extenUating circUmstances." | |
| GG," Are you sure it's hopeless with him? You can't reach a truce, just for the sake of playing?" | |
| UU," i Used to hope so, bUt i doUbt it now." | |
| UU," he barely cares aboUt the game itself, other than as a means of escaping oUr planet." | |
| UU, he has always been more motivated by the ongoing game between Us. | |
| GG," I think you have alluded to this before, but I never really understood." | |
| GG, What game? | |
| UU, well... | |
| UU, it is simple. we are playing a game together. | |
| UU," we have been forced to, for as long as we've known each other." | |
| UU," bUt the rUles are complicated, and often shifting. and they don't always make sense!" | |
| UU," at least, they woUldn't to yoU." | |
| GG, Try me! | |
| UU," many yoU woUld not recognize as rUles, so mUch as sUperstitions." | |
| UU, a variety of caveats and stipUlations. things that woUld invite misfortUne if i were to break. it woUld be very bad jUjU. | |
| UU, i have not been able to tell yoU my name for this reason. | |
| UU, doing so woUld lead Us all down a very slippery slope! bUt i have wanted to tell yoU so. i hope my relUctance has not compromised oUr friendship. | |
| GG, Of course not. I wrote off your reticence as one of your many eccentricities long ago. | |
| UU, ^u^ | |
| GG," I still want to understand this game with your brother, though." | |
| GG, Could you describe some of the other rules? | |
| UU," mm, yes. we have both renoUnced hemotyping Until the resolUtion." | |
| GG, Hemotyping? | |
| UU," it is in the same vein, pardon the pUn, as a qUirk. it's the old tradition whereby one types in his or her own blood coloUr." | |
| UU," so he and i have embraced neUtral tones to speak in, for the time being." | |
| UU," most hUmans do not practice hemotyping, presUmably dUe to lacking diversity in blood class." | |
| GG, But your race has varied blood color? | |
| UU, yes. | |
| GG, Then what would yours be? | |
| UU, i am a lime blood. UuU | |
| UU," while he's got the bright cherry blood, jUst like yoU all do." | |
| UU," not that this matters since we are alone here, bUt interestingly, in ancient troll cUltUre we woUld both be considered pariahs." | |
| UU," for different reasons of coUrse. those of his blood coloUr were very rare, existing by way of genetic glitch only. they were oUtcasts, having no place in the social order." | |
| UU," on the other hand, those of my blood coloUr were once actUally qUite common! bUt later they were all hUnted to extinction." | |
| GG, Jeez. Why? | |
| UU, details of the genocide are historically mUrky. it's one of those maddening voids in my Understanding of yoUr elaborate epic. | |
| UU," bUt i have specUlated their extermination had to do with the extremely powerfUl abilities they tended to have, and the threat to aUthority they represented. even more so than other powerfUl lowbloods." | |
| GG, Are you saying you have such powers? | |
| UU, maybe. :u | |
| GG, But he does not? | |
| UU," he has other, Um. traits." | |
| GG," Maybe he is jealous of you, which is why there is such resentment?" | |
| UU," oh, probably. he is an oUtright mess. if yoU can name a problem with me, he's got it." | |
| GG," The way you described it, I had always envisioned your contentious relationship as one played out mostly online." | |
| UU, yes. it is! | |
| GG, And also that you and he had never met. Yet some things you have said lately appear to contradict this? | |
| UU, sigh. | |
| UU," jane, i am sorry, bUt this is something i jUst cannot get into. for one thing we woUld be creeping way too close to breaking the rUles, and then we woUld all be bUggered." | |
| UU," even if i were at liberty to say, it woUld take so mUch time to explain everything. and i really mUst be getting to sleep again soon. i am terribly worried aboUt the people of prospit dUring sUch dark times." | |
| GG, I understand. | |
| UU," sUffice to say, all games that are played have boUndaries. a stage to which all pieces and moves are confined." | |
| UU, like a chess board! there is no reality to the game beyond the edges of the binary grid. | |
| GG," That makes sense, but I'm not sure I see how it applies." | |
| UU, i know. it was more infernal gammoning on my part as i dance aboUt these rUles. | |
| UU, it's all one can do when everything he or she ever does is jUst another move in a game. | |
| UU," i am so sorry, jane. i woUld have loved to be more forthright with yoU since the day we first spoke." | |
| UU, yoU are a dear friend to me. yoU and yoUr chUms. yoU are all the only friends i have ever had. | |
| GG, :B | |
| GG, <3 | |
| UU, uUu | |
| UU, i was planning on giving yoU a gift. | |
| GG, You were?? | |
| UU," yes, bUt i was going to wait Until completing my qUest before sending it to yoU." | |
| UU," bUt now that things are looking rather bleak here, i may have to consider accelerating the delivery." | |
| GG, What is it? Or is it a surprise? | |
| UU, it is a sUrprise! bUt i will tell yoU this mUch. | |
| UU, it is my jUjU. it is very dear to me. | |
| GG, Your juju? | |
| UU," a talisman of sorts, with many cUrioUs properties and rUles for implementation." | |
| UU," as yoU may have gathered aboUt me, i have learned the hard way that it always pays to follow the rUles. :U" | |
| GG, Where did you get it? | |
| UU," it was an heirloom, yoU coUld say. passed on from ancestors. i have always had it." | |
| UU, jUjUs are said to have origins which are impossible to Understand or trace. some say they emerge spontaneoUsly from the void. | |
| UU," they cannot be trUly dUplicated. if there ever appears to be more than one of the same, it is only a mirage of caUsality!" | |
| UU," nor can they ever be destroyed. not completely, at least." | |
| UU," so when i send yoU mine, it will be no small matter. it will not simply be copied throUgh alchemy." | |
| UU," yoU will be the new owner, and mine here will cease to exist." | |
| GG, Um... gosh. | |
| UU, bUt UnfortUnately it will have no valUe to yoU Unless i send my brother's jUjU as well. | |
| UU, and he will not relinqUish control of his Unless i best him at oUr game. this is another of oUr rUles. | |
| GG, It sure sounds like you two are up to your necks in this crazy game. | |
| UU, oh yes. we are Up to qUite a bit fUrther than oUr neck in it. ~_u | |
| UU, bUt it's alright. i love games. | |
| UU," my brother, on the other hand..." | |
| GG, Not such a big fan of games? | |
| UU," on no, qUite the contrary." | |
| UU, his passion for games transcends any hUman Understanding of love. | |
| UU, for yoU to Understand it woUld be to fUlly comprehend the meaning of... | |
| UU, how to pUt it. | |
| GG, Um. | |
| GG, Beauty? | |
| UU, horror. | |
| GG, That's a really nice room there. | |
| GG, But where is she? | |
| GG," Hah, her drink is still there. So she can't have gone far." | |
| TT, Oh snap. | |
| GG, I don't see her anywhere in the rest of the house. | |
| GG," I see plenty of plush wizards and window gizmos, and... pumpkins? Really, Roxy?" | |
| GG, What an unusual house design. Are all homes in the future like this? | |
| TT, You mean the ones that aren't under water? Yes. They are all almost exactly like that. | |
| GG, I just tried messaging her. But no response. | |
| TT," I'm sure she's out cruising the hood, probably messin' with the locals." | |
| TT, Maybe attempting some ill advised drunken heroics. | |
| TT," Pretty tight numerical probability of that, I just decided with unfeeling precision." | |
| GG, She said things were on fire when we last talked? | |
| GG," Actually, she said the whole neighborhood was burning down, if I recall." | |
| GG," But judging by the view from her window, it looks lovely outside." | |
| GG, What exactly is the danger I am saving her from here? | |
| TT, Zoom out. | |
| TT, Way out. | |
| GG, OH NO!!!!! | |
| GG," Roxy, where are you??? :(" | |
| TT, We'll track her down. | |
| TT," The important thing to do now is deploy all the devices quickly, so the house will be ready to jet the moment she gets back." | |
| GG, How do you know she's not hurt? | |
| TT, That is statistically remote. | |
| TT," Given that I can track the coordinates of certain devices she carries, and they are presently in motion." | |
| TT," Really, the fire is not the most significant threat, or even the drones." | |
| GG, Then what is? | |
| TT, Do you see the red stringy stuff coming from the sky? | |
| GG, Oh... | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, What IS that?? | |
| TT," If sources are to be trusted, and my calculations are reliable within a 0.001% margin of error, it's a bunch of super deadly red shit." | |
| TT, No time to get into that now though. Just deploy the devices quickly. | |
| TT, You know the drill. | |
| GG, Right. Let's see. | |
| GG, There's hardly any space in here to put anything. I'll have to make some room. | |
| GG, I don't want to damage any of her belongings though. | |
| TT, That would be unconscionable. | |
| GG, WHOOPS! | |
| GG, Dag nabbit. This trackpad is AWFUL! | |
| GG, Lousy dad computer. | |
| GG, Why does he have to buy his computers at the Dadly Depot? | |
| GG, Why does he have to buy EVERYTHING at the Dadly Depot? | |
| GG, I really need to keep looking for him soon. Thinking about our expeditions to the Dadly Depot is making me miss him. | |
| TT, You really need to hurry up and deploy that junk instead of that. | |
| GG, There. Those seem like suitable locations for the equipment. | |
| TT, Yeah. | |
| GG," Hey, where's Lil Seb?" | |
| TT, Just wandering around. Fidgeting and stuff. | |
| TT, You know how he is. | |
| TT, Just stay at your post until Roxy gets back. | |
| GG, I think he went through the door. | |
| GG, He just disappeared on that platform! | |
| GG," I think it might be some kind of transport device, that works via teleportation." | |
| GG," A kind of ""transportalizer,"" to coin a completely silly and novel term." | |
| TT, That's great. Now sit back down and wait for Roxy. She'll be home soon. | |
| GG, But I think that's where my dad went too! | |
| GG, I have to follow him. | |
| TT," No, Jane. Do not follow the rabbit." | |
| TT, Let's cool it with the Wonderland shit already. How much further through the damn looking glass do you even need to go? | |
| GG, It'll be fine! | |
| GG, I'm bringing my computer with me. I can tend to Roxy's entry along the way. | |
| TT, This is an atrocious idea. | |
| GT, Greetings! | |
| GG," Oh. Hello, Jake." | |
| GT, Im not interrupting anything am i? | |
| GG," Um, not really? Roxy and I are just setting a few things up here." | |
| GT, Ah i see. I would be happy to message you again later if it would spare you any inconvenience. | |
| GG," No, it's fine! It's really nice to hear from you, actually." | |
| GG, I was starting to worry you might have forgotten. | |
| GT, Uh. | |
| GT, Forgotten? | |
| GG, Oh no... | |
| GT, Forgotten what now? | |
| GG, Never mind. | |
| GT, Wait dont tell me. | |
| GT, Is it a tomb or a crypt or somesuch? Are you preparing for another grist seeking expedition?? | |
| GT, Oh shit did you schedule my assistance for the raid and i forgot all about it??? | |
| GG," No, Jake." | |
| GG, We didn't need your help raiding a tomb. But thanks for thinking of us. | |
| GG, I don't know what this clueless pair of damsels would do without you. | |
| GT, Blast. | |
| GT, Well what in the name of willy howard tafts great tub choking bottom could i be forgetting then? | |
| GT, This is going to drive me CRAZY! Can you give me a hint? | |
| GG," Yes. It has to do with the day I was born, which was almost exactly sixteen years ago." | |
| GT, Of course! Your birthday!!! | |
| GG, Didn't you get Roxy's invitation? | |
| GG, It was my understanding that she gave you and Dirk notice weeks ago. | |
| GT, Yes thats right. Now i remember. The date sure snuck up on us quick didnt it? | |
| GT, Sorry you know how things can slip my mind. The gourd on my shoulders isnt the steel trap it used to be. Nothing like the well oiled puzzlebuster you've got up there. | |
| GG, Mm. | |
| GT, Well damn. | |
| GT, Looks like the egg monster took quite the spirited dump on my face this time. | |
| GG, Jake. I... what? | |
| GT, I feel so dumb. Ill be right over. | |
| GG," Well, if you recall, the party is actually tomorrow." | |
| GG," Like I said, we're just setting a few things up." | |
| GG," Roxy is putting up some decorations. I baked a cake. You were of course free to join us early too. I just thought since I hadn't heard from you in quite some time, you had better things to do." | |
| GT, You baked a cake for your own party? | |
| GG, Yes. So? | |
| GT, I dont know something seems amiss about that. Isnt that against tradition or inviting bad luck or something? | |
| GT, But I guess it makes sense since you love baking cakes. Its like a present you give to yourself! | |
| GG," Jake, what was it you actually wanted?" | |
| GT, Oh. I just wanted to get your advice on some stuff. | |
| GT, But since ive been a heel and forgotten about your party maybe i shouldnt bother you with that? | |
| GG, Mmm. | |
| GT, So sixteen big ones huh! The ole sweet sixteen. | |
| GT," Last one of us to notch the vaunted one sixer. Its a big step! I knew youd make it, i always said i believed in you didnt i?" | |
| GT," Just kidding, the inexorable nature of times passage virtually assured you would get that old so you didnt really have anything to do with it. I mean not that i dont still believe in you, i do." | |
| GG, ... | |
| GT, I cant believe its already been... | |
| GT, How long? | |
| GT," What, like a year already since we entered? Holy moly, where does the time go." | |
| GG, It's been more like five months. | |
| GT, Oh. | |
| GT, Well thats still a pretty long time. | |
| GT, I have to admit its been a longer stint than i expected. Certainly one involving more downtime than i would have guessed. | |
| GT," I really thought we would have been treated to more action, what being legendary players of a mysterious cosmic game. But no, it seems the primary duty of the so called nobles is to wait around twiddling our thumbs." | |
| GG, Mmhmm. | |
| GT, I am really beginning to wonder when these fabled heroes will arrive? And are they really going to be those we have been led to believe? | |
| GT, I sure hope so. Id so love to meet my pen pal. Dear old departed grandma. But as a feisty youngster! What a hoot thatll be. And you with your poppop. Lets not forget about him. | |
| GT, Not to mention the young strider and lalonde relatives. I bet theyre a barrel of laughs. I met them once but i was too shy to say anything. Then i got in a fight. Did i ever mention that jane? | |
| GG, Yes. | |
| GG, Many times. | |
| GT," Not to say its been all downtime and doldrums. Exploring has been great. Finding treasure, solving riddles, becoming better friends. I wouldnt trade that for anything." | |
| GT," And maybe we are getting close to something big happening regardless? Every day it seems like more and more undead creatures crawl from out of the shadows. Bigger ones and stronger ones. Does their presence herald something worse coming, just as the legends indicate our presence heralds something better?" | |
| GT, I just wish we could actually kill the fucking things. Even the little ones can absorb so much damage before yielding any spoils! | |
| GT, Remember jane? Remember at the start how we kept trying to kill them? | |
| GG, Mmhmm. | |
| GT," We would all gang up on like an imp skeleton for an hour just clobbering it repeatedly. Knocking its bones down, waiting for it to reassemble and keep coming at us. Only to finally be rewarded with a shitty pittance of grist!" | |
| GT, But i guess the silver lining was it forced us to explore ruins more often and scavenge for loot there. So i think weve learned a lot more this way. | |
| GT," But it sure makes resources hard to come by, having to get them exclusively from chests and whatnot. Sometimes i wonder if weve been missing out on a really rewarding part of the game by neglecting to build up our houses? Makes you wonder. But it just costs so much! Better to stick to making more practical stuff dont you think?" | |
| GG, Mm. | |
| GT, Sometimes i wonder if the heroes had the same problems in their game. Do you think they found an easier way to kill skeletons? | |
| GT, Were they just as shameless as us when it came to splurging our precious grist on swanky new duds? | |
| GT, Did the same enigmatic bard haunt their game? And if so which hilarious dead trolls did he throw into the flashy blobs? | |
| GT, Mr erisol tells me he knows many things about the heroes because he saw them in action when he was alive. But he wont tell me a thing about them! These troll sprites sure do love keeping their secrets dont they? Heheh. | |
| GG," That's nice, Jake. I'm kind of busy though." | |
| GG, What did you actually want to talk to me about? | |
| GG," Actually, why don't we just talk about it tomor-" | |
| GT, Okay we can talk about that if you insist. | |
| GT, Really jane you sure know how to twist a fellas arm! | |
| GT, I just wanted to get your take on what you might call my own personal ultimate riddle. | |
| GT, It involves dirk. | |
| GG, You don't say. | |
| GT, Its true. I havent seen him in a couple days. | |
| GT, I have been laying low for a while but i just received another series of pushy inquiries from him. | |
| GT," Maybe i shouldnt be too hard on the guy since he was probably just concerned, not having heard from me and all." | |
| GT," But i still couldnt help but detect a tone of desperation, like he could sense i may be having doubts." | |
| GT, This kind of thing has been all too common unfortunately. | |
| GT, Im not sure its going to work anymore. | |
| GG, Mm. | |
| GT, He can be so needy! | |
| GT, If only he could just relax and trust that i wont spontaneously tire of his company. | |
| GT, Although the irony i guess is that his overbearing tendencies are beginning to fulfill his own paranoid prophecy. | |
| GT, Its such a shame. Weve had so many capital adventures together. | |
| GT, I dont know why he has to be like this. He always was an intense fella. But in person... holy cow. | |
| GT, I wonder if it has to do with the fact that he grew up alone in the middle of the ocean? And now he doesnt know how to deal with people without suffocating them? | |
| GT," But then again i grew up under similar circumstances and i think i turned out pretty much ok socially, at least i hope so. Do you think so jane?" | |
| GG, Mmmm! | |
| GT, Actually it just occurred to me. Its funny he didnt mention your party in his text. | |
| GT, Im SURE he wouldnt have forgotten. He never forgets ANYTHING what with all his calculations and his computerized brain. Both figurative and literal. | |
| GT, I wonder what his game was? He invited me on an expedition without mention of your party as a potential conflict... | |
| GT, If he sensed i could use some space perhaps he was concerned that if we both showed up to the party it would be awkward? | |
| GT, Or maybe he didnt want to mention he was going to the party in case it would spook me away from attending? | |
| GT, Argh! Do you see jane?? This is what his endless machinations do to you! | |
| GT, Anything he says could be part of some grand convoluted scheme and it just makes you agonize and boggle and wonder until your brain hurts and you just KNOW its a battle you cant win. | |
| GT, You know what i mean jane? | |
| GG, Mmhmm. | |
| GT, Do you think i should just bite the bullet and end it? | |
| GT, Its probably the right thing to do. | |
| GT, Boy am i not looking forward to that conversation though. | |
| GT, Its going to be a doozy. What did i get myself into here? | |
| GT, I think ive made a lot of mistakes honestly. | |
| GT," Not the least of which was getting this shitty tattoo, now that i think about it." | |
| GT, Yes yes i know we all thought it was a riot at first. | |
| GT, I guess it still is maybe? But lately ive been wondering if it might not have been an act of sound judgment. | |
| GT, Can you believe that jane? | |
| GG, Hmm! | |
| GT, I dont know. Its a real pickle im in here but i do feel better just being able to get it off my chest. | |
| GT," You are such a good friend jane, always ready to listen to my relationship woes. What a trooper!" | |
| GT, It never ceases to amaze me how excellent you are at this friendship business. Where would we all be without you? | |
| GT, In a way you really have been the glue holding us all together on our adventure. Gosh youre a standup gal. | |
| GT, Oh which actually reminds me of ANOTHER thing thats been bugging me about dirk. | |
| GT, He can often be almost hilariously self absorbed. Dont even get me started on when he starts going off on these long monologues about his philosophical gobbledygook. | |
| GT, I'm not sure he actually has much of a filter when it comes to what others regard as interesting points of conversation. | |
| GT, Not to rag on the guy too hard but i guess at times i would just like to see a little more self awareness from him is all. | |
| GG, Jake. | |
| GT, Did i tell you what happened on our last expedition together? | |
| GG, Jake. | |
| GT, I cant remember if i mentioned. Oh man but thinking back on what happened its even more ridiculous in retrospect. | |
| GT, Where do i begin? | |
| GG, Jake!!! | |
| GT, What? | |
| GG, Shut up! | |
| GT, Huh? | |
| GG, Shut up!!! | |
| GT, Errr. | |
| GT, Did i say something wrong? | |
| GG, JAKE. | |
| GG, PLEASE. | |
| GG, STOP TALKING. | |
| GT, I dont... | |
| GG, JAKE. | |
| GG, I SAID SHUT UP. | |
| GT, Wha... | |
| GG," JUST," | |
| GG," SHUT," | |
| GG," THE FUCK," | |
| GG, UUUUUUUUUUP!!! | |
| GT, Ay caramba. | |
| GT, What in tarnation is the matter jane? | |
| GG, WHAT'S THE MATTER? | |
| GG, WHAT'S THE MATTER??? | |
| GG, I AM SICK. | |
| GG, AND FUCKING TIRED. | |
| GG, TO DEATH. | |
| GG, OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE BLITHERING BULLSHIT!!!!!! | |
| GT, Whoa there. | |
| GT, You seem really worked up. Maybe we should just calm down and talk this through like sensible adults? | |
| GT, Also youre going kinda heavy on the caps there arent you? Sort of makes it seem like your shouting. Just saying. | |
| GG, I AM SHOUTING! | |
| GG," THERE ARE LITERAL SHOUTS OF ANGER COMING OUT OF MY ACTUAL MOUTH, AND THEY ARE DIRECTED AT YOU!" | |
| GT, Yikes. | |
| GT, Well ok then. | |
| GT, Can you tell me why youre so upset with me? | |
| GT, Is it because i forgot your birthday party? Because i do feel awful about that. | |
| GG, OH MY GOD. WHY ARE YOU SO CLUELESS? | |
| GG, I CAN'T STAND IT! | |
| GT, Really i feel like a tool about forgetting. You know how i am. I forget stuff. | |
| GT, I mean... | |
| GT, Shucks buster. If i knew how to make it up to you i would. | |
| GT, If it ameliorates matters any i am sighing pretty much the shucksiest buster of contrition i can manage. | |
| GG, IT'S NOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY!!! | |
| GG," THE FACT THAT YOU FORGOT CERTAINLY DOESN'T HELP, BUT THAT'S NOT IT. SEE, YOU JUST DON'T GET IT!" | |
| GG," OH, AND COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING SHUCKS BUSTER?!" | |
| GG, SHUCKS BUSTER WAS MY THING! AND YOU STOLE IT! | |
| GT, I thought shucks buster was... | |
| GT, Sorta our thing? | |
| GG," NO, IT WAS MY THING, BUT I ALLOWED IT TO BE OUR THING! BACK WHEN YOU USED TO GIVE A SHIT! BUT NOW IT'S JUST MINE, AND YOU CAN'T HAVE IT ANYMORE!" | |
| GT, Uhh. | |
| GT, Ok? | |
| GT, I suppose i could go with shoot buddy. Or... | |
| GT, Fudge junior? | |
| GG, ................. | |
| GT, Or maybe forgo an analogous catch phrase altogether heh. | |
| GT, But i clearly stepped in it big time with you and id really like to know what i did. | |
| GG," JAKE, LET ME ASK YOU." | |
| GG, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE TALKED? | |
| GT, Hmm. | |
| GT, Wasnt it a few days ago? | |
| GG, NO. TRY A FEW WEEKS AGO! | |
| GG," AND EVEN THEN, YOU MESSAGED ME JUST TO TALK ABOUT SOME STUPID SHIT THAT HAPPENED WITH DIRK." | |
| GG," A TEDIOUS GESTURE WHICH YOU THEN SAW FIT TO REPRISE ON MY BIRTHDAY OF ALL DAYS, WHILST CONSIDERATELY FORGETTING ABOUT IT!" | |
| GG," AND EVEN WHEN I REMINDED YOU ABOUT IT, YOU STILL BARGED AHEAD WITH YOUR SELF-INDULGENT RELATIONSHIP CLAPTRAP ANYWAY!" | |
| GT, I didnt realize it was so long ago. Sorry about that. | |
| GT, Again all i can say is where does the time go? I guess i have trouble keeping up with everything im supposed to. Which it would seem includes personal relationships as much as calendars. | |
| GT, Im not much of a leader of people. Not like you are jane. I think when it comes to adventuring maybe im more of a solo act? | |
| GT, Which now that i think about it might be contributing to my problems with dirk. Maybe thats part of the reason why i needed some space? | |
| GT, Oh brother there i go again blustering about my problems. I guess i see what you mean. | |
| GT, But really if you wanted to talk sooner then why didnt you get in touch with me? | |
| GT, It feels as though im always the one to say hello to you lately. | |
| GG," YEAH! THAT'S BECAUSE EVERY SINGLE TIME WE CHAT, YOU DO NOTHING BUT TALK ABOUT YOURSELF!" | |
| GG," YOU NEVER ASK ME HOW I'M FEELING OR WHAT I'VE BEEN UP TO. YOU JUST LAUNCH INTO YOUR ROMANTIC PROBLEMS, AND I JUST LISTEN LIKE AN ACCOMMODATING FOOL AS ALWAYS!" | |
| GG, SO I JUST STOPPED BOTHERING! WHY SHOULD I SUBJECT MYSELF TO THAT REPEATEDLY?! | |
| GG," YOU MIGHT ACTUALLY BE THE MOST THOUGHTLESS, SELF-CENTERED PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!" | |
| GG, I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO FEEL... | |
| GT, Huh? | |
| GT, Used to feel what? | |
| GG," JAKE, HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU HOW IT MUST FEEL FOR SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO HER FRIEND GO ON AND ON ABOUT HIS BOYFRIEND PROBLEMS WHEN..." | |
| GG, WHEN ALL ALONG SHE... | |
| GG, BUT SHE JUST COULDN'T SAY BECAUSE SHE BLEW IT AND IT WAS TOO LATE TO... | |
| GG, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M BOTHERING TO EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU. NEVER MIND. | |
| GT, Now hold the phone. | |
| GT, Jane i think i may finally understand whats been going on here. | |
| GT, In retrospect i cant believe ive been this blind. | |
| GT, Youre right i really can be deplorably thick sometimes. | |
| GT, Looking back i can see how many of our conversations must have been torment for you. | |
| GT, You really should have told me how you felt sooner! | |
| GG, YEAH. I... | |
| GG, I know. :( | |
| GT, If you told me you had the hots for dirk i would have backed off without another word. | |
| GT, What are friends for! | |
| GG, RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH! | |
| GT, Wait... | |
| GT, Did i say something dumb again? | |
| GT, Consarn it. | |
| GT, I think maybe something is getting lost in translation over our respective chat clients. | |
| GT, Maybe we should wait until tomorrow and just clear the air face to face at your party? | |
| GG, NO! | |
| GG, YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY! | |
| GT, Aw come on jane. Be a sport. | |
| GG," YOU AREN'T COMING TO MY PARTY, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T GOING TO BE A PARTY!" | |
| GG," GO RAID SOME TOMBS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. GO MAKE OUT WITH HIM OR BREAK UP WITH HIM, OR WHATEVER IT IS YOUR FICKLE, SELFISH HEART DESIRES!" | |
| GG, I AM AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH YOU! | |
| GG, I AM FED UP WITH YOUR STUPID MOVIES AND YOUR STUPID ADVENTURES AND YOUR STUPID OLD TIMEY CHARMS AND YOU STUUUUUUPID DASHING GOOD LOOKS. WHO NEEDS ANY OF IT????? | |
| GT, I say jane. Before you do anything rash... | |
| GG," OH, WILL YOU PLEASE," | |
| GG," JUST," | |
| GG, STFU BUSTER!!!!!!!!! | |
| ROXY, jane | |
| ROXY, yo uh | |
| ROXY, janey | |
| ROXY, u ok there | |
| JANE," I WILL BE PEACHY FUCKING KEEN ONCE I STOMP THIS NOVELTY MUSTACHE HEADSET INTO OBLIVION, AND NOT A MOMENT SOONER!" | |
| ROXY, janey uh | |
| ROXY, that aint a reasonable thing you said | |
| JANE, AU CONTRAIRE. | |
| JANE," I BELIEVE YOU WILL FIND THAT ONCE THIS PIECE OF SHIT HAS BEEN REDUCED TO SUBATOMIC PARTICLES, WE WILL ALL COME OUT SMELLING LIKE FUCKING ROSES." | |
| ROXY, jaaaaane | |
| ROXY, stoppit :( | |
| ROXY, ur upsettin fefeta | |
| ROXY, just | |
| ROXY, think of fefeta is all im asking | |
| ROXY, poor fefeta :'( | |
| FEFETASPRITE, 3833 < 383 | |
| JANE, OH POOR FEFETA MY SWEET PATOOTIE! | |
| JANE, YOU AND I BOTH KNOW FEFETA HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH GARBAGE FROM JERKOFF BOYS BEFORE. | |
| JANE, SO DON'T GIVE ME THIS POOR FEFETA CRAP. | |
| ROXY, lol yeah | |
| ROXY, my girl fefeta knows whats up | |
| ROXY, she been around the d bag block a time or 2 | |
| ROXY, em i rite fefeta | |
| FEFETASPRITE, 3833 < 3;3 | |
| ROXY, shit yes gimme a paw bump | |
| ROXY, BOMP | |
| ROXY, jane u want in on this action | |
| ROXY, come give us a fist fulla sugar | |
| ROXY, complete the 3way for max girl power + solidarity against dumb dudes | |
| ROXY, janey jeez dont leave us hanging here | |
| JANE, SIGH. | |
| JANE, FINE. | |
| ROXY, jane that was the piss poorest paw bump ive ever seen | |
| ROXY, that was like a negative bump | |
| ROXY, we are going to have to bump long and hard into the night to dig us outta this fuckin bump hole you dug us into | |
| ROXY, w/ that tragic bump | |
| ROXY, that bump was like | |
| ROXY, shakespearean | |
| ROXY, makes me want to weep softly and leave a bouquet somewhere | |
| ROXY, someone plays a sad trumpet in the distance | |
| ROXY, look fefeta just sniffled a little at how sad that bump w- | |
| JANE, SHHHHHHHH! | |
| ROXY, ok god | |
| ROXY, was just tryin to cheer you up | |
| ROXY, take ur mind off whatever the hell that was | |
| ROXY, you werent serious about calling off the party were you | |
| ROXY, here let me just get the chess guys to help put the table back on the roof | |
| ROXY, and maybe salvage the cake out of that sand dune over there... | |
| ROXY, aaaaand NOPE the chess guys just finished eatin it | |
| ROXY, lets just bake another k? | |
| JANE," NO, I WAS SERIOUS!" | |
| JANE, I'M NOT... | |
| JANE, I'm not in the mood for a party anymore. | |
| ROXY, so it sounds like | |
| ROXY, u got jaked | |
| JANE, >:( | |
| ROXY, why yes | |
| ROXY, that is the face of a girl who just got english'd with extreme prejudice | |
| ROXY, he was a block head and forgot your birthday didnt he | |
| ROXY, im sorry jane | |
| JANE," Yeah, me too. Can we maybe not rehash the whole terrible conversation though??" | |
| ROXY, yeah we dont have to | |
| ROXY, just maybe try not to hold whatever dumb shit he said against him forever? | |
| ROXY, thats just how the guy is | |
| ROXY, its like | |
| ROXY, he doesnt mean to be a douche | |
| ROXY, but its just kind of a byproduct of the whole ridiculous jake english experience | |
| ROXY, like his dunkass shenanigans leave behind a residue that looks like douche and tastes like douche but it aint the real thing? | |
| ROXY, like douche substitute | |
| ROXY," ""i cant believe its not douche""" | |
| ROXY, um | |
| ROXY, im just trying to say not terrible things about him in hopes you dont start hating each other but i guess this isnt what you wanna hear now | |
| JANE, >:( | |
| ROXY, soooo yeah | |
| ROXY, i guess jakes dumpin dirk soon? | |
| ROXY, hahah like the writing wasnt so on the wall with those two from day one | |
| ROXY, poor dirk | |
| ROXY, ive wanted to say something to prepare him for that but | |
| ROXY, never had the heart to bring it up i guess? | |
| ROXY, what can u do.... | |
| ROXY, hey | |
| ROXY, but the silver lining is | |
| ROXY, i mean if you can forgive him for shitting on your bday and stuff | |
| ROXY, maybe this is finally your chance to make a play 4 the j man?? | |
| ROXY, ehhhh??? ;) | |
| FEFETASPRITE, 3833 < 38D | |
| JANE," ROXY, PLEASE." | |
| JANE, AS IF THAT ISN'T THE FURTHEST THING FROM MY MIND RIGHT NOW! | |
| JANE, I AM SO DONE WITH THAT WHOLE TRAIN OF THOUGHT. | |
| ROXY, so you really think youre just | |
| ROXY, completely over him? | |
| JANE, YESSIREE! | |
| JANE," IF JAKE'S THE RAINBOW, THEN JUST CALL ME A LITTLE HOUSE FROM KANSAS!" | |
| JANE, WHEEEEEE! | |
| ROXY, wait rly | |
| ROXY, as in like you dont give a shit if he dates anybody or | |
| JANE, MMMMMMMHM!!! | |
| ROXY, i seeee | |
| ROXY, iiiiiinteresting! | |
| FEFETASPRITE, 3833 < 38O | |
| JANE, WAIT... | |
| JANE, WHAT?? | |
| JANE, WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??? | |
| ROXY, nothing! | |
| ROXY, i was just... | |
| ROXY, it was a joke! | |
| JANE, WAS IT REALLY?! | |
| ROXY, ok maybe not a total joke | |
| ROXY, but still mostly a joke! | |
| ROXY, im only | |
| ROXY, trying to | |
| ROXY, blurgh | |
| ROXY, i dont know | |
| JANE," ROXY, I GET YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, BUT A LOT OF THINGS YOU'RE SAYING HERE AREN'T REALLY HELPING!" | |
| JANE, DO YOU EVEN REALIZE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HALF THE TIME? | |
| JANE, I THINK I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING! | |
| ROXY, jaaane no | |
| ROXY, dont say that | |
| ROXY, i had a problem :( | |
| FEFETASPRITE, 3833 < 38( | |
| JANE," OK, YEAH!" | |
| JANE, I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE THERE AND I'M SORRY! | |
| JANE," THAT STUPID CONVERSATION WITH JAKE JUST PUSHED ME OVER SOME KIND OF EDGE AND NOW I AM FEELING REALLY, REALLY DISTRAUGHT!" | |
| JANE," THIS GAME IS SO MUCH MORE DEPRESSING THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE! EVERYTHING IS DEAD AND EMPTY AND FULL OF GRAVES AND ALL WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DO IS JUST KEEP WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING! BUT FOR HOW MUCH LONGER? AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHERE MY DAD IS, AND YOU STILL HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO REACH CALLIOPE, AND WHAT IF THEY'RE BOTH..." | |
| JANE," AND NOW ON TOP OF ALL THAT, I MAY HAVE PERMANENTLY DESTROYED MY FRIENDSHIP WITH JAKE!" | |
| JANE, AND NOW... | |
| JANE, Now... | |
| JANE, I just want to be alone. | |
| ROXY, jane wait | |
| JANE, I have to go! | |
| ROXY, where are you going! | |
| JANE, HOME!!! | |
| uu, CROCKER. | |
| uu, HEY IT'S ME. | |
| uu, REMEMBER ME? | |
| GG, What the? | |
| uu, TUMUT | |
| uu, OOPS NO. | |
| uu, *HOLDS SHIFT.* *NOSTALGICALLY.* | |
| uu, tumut | |
| uu, YESSSS. | |
| GG," Oh, you have GOT to be kidding me." | |
| GG, You are the absolute last person I want to hear from right now. | |
| GG, And the bottom of that list is pretty competitive territory at the moment! | |
| uu, DON'T BE LIKE THAT. YOU STUPID EARTH COW. | |
| uu, HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE BECOMING FRIENDS. IF YOU RECOIL FROM MY OLIVE BRANCH. | |
| uu, LIKE I'M FLAILING A WITHERED MUMMY'S SEVERED LIMB IN YOUR DIRECTION. | |
| GG, I don't want us to become friends! | |
| GG, We all thought you were gone for good. And we liked it that way! | |
| GG, Please don't tell me you've found a second wind of petty trolling in you. | |
| uu, HEY. I DON'T TROLL. | |
| uu, I *JEER*. GET IT RIGHT. | |
| uu, TROLLING IS FOR LOSERS. LOSERS SPECIFICALLY WHO ARE TROLLS. | |
| GG, Whatever. And what's with the ugly green text? | |
| GG, Reading your malformed sentence fragments was unpleasant enough as it was. | |
| uu, I BORROWED IT FROM MY SISTER. | |
| uu, AND SHUT UP. IT LOOKS GREAT. | |
| uu, AND IS NO UGLIER THAN YOU. WHO I CAN SEE NOW WITH EASE. FOR THE RECORD. | |
| GG," ""Whom"" you can see, moron." | |
| GG," And no, you can't!" | |
| GG, Calliope said you couldn't see us at all in our game session. So I think you're lying! | |
| uu, AM I REALLY. | |
| uu, WHEN RIGHT NOW I AM LOOKING AT A HOMELY FEMALE IN DUMB BLUE PANTS. SULKING IN A GRAY PLACE. TYPING ON A COMPUTER WITH A STRANGE HUMAN FACE? | |
| GG," Oh, dear God." | |
| GG, WHY??? | |
| uu, MY POWER HAS GROWN CONSIDERABLY SINCE I LAST JEERED YOU. | |
| uu, I HAVE MADE REMARKABLE STRIDES ON MY SACRED JOURNEY TOWARD IMPORTANT ADULTHOOD. | |
| uu, ON THIS BULLSHIT PLANET. WHICH USED TO BE YOUR HOME. | |
| uu, I HAVE FOUND MANY KEYS. AND UNLOCKED MANY HOLES. | |
| uu, AND NOW I CAN SEE MORE. AND LEARN MORE. THAN YOU COULD EVER FUCKING DREAM! | |
| GG, How wonderful for you. | |
| GG, I don't care how all-seeing and all-powerful you think you are. | |
| GG," If your intent is to waste my time with more of your pitiful bullying, you are out of luck." | |
| GG, Because that is exactly NOT the sort of crap I am in the mood for today. | |
| GG, Toodle-oo!!! | |
| uu, WAIT! | |
| uu, I THINK I GOT OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. | |
| uu, HOW ABOUT WE. GNAW THAT ONE OFF AND START OVER? | |
| uu, I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT. | |
| GG, ?? | |
| uu, MY PEOPLE AREN'T MEANT TO LIKE ANYBODY. GET IT? | |
| uu," I MEAN, NOT THE WAY HUMANS DO. WE DON'T HAVE THE HUMAN EMOTION CALLED ""LOVEKHEKLFSDKF"". AND WE SPONTANEOUSLY START MASHING KEYS. WHEN WE ARE FORCED TO EVEN TYPE THE WORD." | |
| uu, ALL OUR RELATIONSHIPS ARE DICTATED BY THE MIRACLE OF HATRED. SO WHEN I USE BAD WORDS TOWARD YOU. THAT'S JUST ME SAYING THINGS TO TRY TO KNOW YOU BETTER. | |
| uu," LIKE. ""SOCIALLYUOIPY""." | |
| uu, AS A. | |
| uu, *SHUDDER* | |
| uu," A... ""FRIENDJISJFDJISJSDKFLDJSDKLJF""." | |
| uu, SO WHEN I SAY YOU'RE UGLY. WHICH YOU FACTUALLY ARE. | |
| uu," I MEAN THAT FROM MY PERSPECTIVE. OF BEING NORMAL, AND NOT A SHITTY ALIEN. TO SAY THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY ATTRACTIVE IN AN UNPLEASANT WAY. TO MY BRAIN." | |
| GG, Hrm. | |
| GG, Nope. That makes very little sense. | |
| uu, FUCK. TRY USING YOUR SUPPOSEDLY BETTER SMARTNESS THAN MINE. | |
| uu, AND THINK SOMEWHAT LATERALLY. ABOUT LIKE. FUCKING CULTURE. THAT ISN'T *YOURS*. | |
| uu, YOU DUMB BITCH. | |
| GG," Yes, I see it all too clearly now. You're really quite the charmer!" | |
| uu," NO. COME ON. ""DUMB BITCH"" IS ANOTHER GREAT COMPLIMENT." | |
| uu, IN THE SAME VEIN AS THAT WHICH I JUST DESCRIBED. | |
| uu," IT'S A TERM OF ""ENDEARMENKSKLJJF"" I USE TO TALK ABOUT GIRLS. WHO IN MY VIEW HAVE MANAGED TO AVOID BEING." | |
| uu, UTTERLY BENEATH MY PERSONAL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. THIS ISN'T COMPLICATED. | |
| GG, Uh huh. | |
| GG," So you're actually trying to claim that you find me attractive, from the alleged ""bad means good"" point of view of your hate-driven species?" | |
| uu, DEFINITELY. | |
| uu," I'M NOT JOKING AROUND, CROCKER." | |
| uu, I'VE UNLOCKED A BUNCH OF YOUR SCREENS. AND SPENT A LOT OF TIME WATCHING YOU. | |
| uu, WHILE THINKING. JUST. | |
| uu, THE *DIIIIRTIEST* THOUGHTS. | |
| uu, HEE HEE. HAA. | |
| GG, Eww. | |
| GG, You pig. | |
| uu, THE OTHER FEMALE TOO. LET'S NOT FORGET YOUR SQUAD'S BACKUP BITCH. | |
| uu, HOW NASTY IS SHE?? JUST SO FOUL. AND THE THINGS YOU GET UP TO WITH ONE ANOTHER. OH MY. | |
| uu, NEED I EVEN CITE THE ALTERCATION WITH YOUR PUFFY SLUMBER LOAVES? | |
| GG, Excuse me?? | |
| uu, MY COMPLIMENTS IN PARTICULAR. ON YOUR COLORFUL UNDERGARMENTS. | |
| uu, WHILE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN ON THE SOFT HUMAN SARSWAPAGUS. | |
| GG," Oh, that's just great." | |
| GG," The ONE TIME we had a generic girly pillow fight, and it turns out some pervert was watching us." | |
| GG, I think I need a shower. | |
| GG, Assuming I can ever take one again in peace! | |
| uu, DON'T WORRY. YOU CAN'T. | |
| uu," BUT SERIOUSLY. JANE. CAN I CALL YOU JANE? BITCH, LISTEN." | |
| uu," YOU ARE ONE GRODY HARLOT. WHICH MEANS GOOD (BAD) THINGS TO ME, LET'S REMEMBER." | |
| uu, WHEN I UNLOCKED YOU. I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'VE CHANGED? OR MAYBE JUST YOU. SINCE YOU TURNED OLDER. BUT YOU'VE REALLY. | |
| uu, FILLED OUT. | |
| uu, SINCE I LAST SAW YOU BEFORE. | |
| GG, What? | |
| GG, ... | |
| GG, Really? | |
| uu, HELL YES. | |
| uu, I DO ENJOY A MEATY BITCH. WITH A LITTLE CLOUT. | |
| GG," What do you mean, exactly..." | |
| GG," By ""clout?""" | |
| uu, OH. I THINK YOU KNOW. | |
| uu, WHEN PHYSICAL PORTIONS OF THE BITCH. KIND OF JUT OUT. EXUBERANTLY. | |
| GG, Do you mean... | |
| GG, My... | |
| GG, Why am I even having this conversation! | |
| uu, I JUST HAVE A WEAK SPOT. FOR THE ABOVE AVERAGE HEFT OF YOUR PARTS. WHICH WOBBLE THE MOST. | |
| uu, NOW DO SOMETHING NAUSEATING FOR ME TO WATCH. | |
| uu, I WANT TO SEE A TAWDRY ACT OF HARD CORE SCHMALTZ. | |
| uu, SEE THAT ROCK OVER THERE. PRETEND IT IS THE OTHER INSOLENT BITCH. | |
| uu," ACT A LITTLE NERVOUS. WITH YOUR IDLE HAND, GRAZE ONE OF YOUR MORE BULBOUS LOCATIONS ""INCIDENTALLY""." | |
| uu, THEN ASK THE ROCK IF IT WANTS TO FALL IN LOVE!!! OOOOOOOH. | |
| GG, What? No! | |
| GG, Are you insane? | |
| GG," I don't care where you are, or whatever the hell it is you ""unlocked"" to spy on me." | |
| GG, You aren't allowed to sit there all day leering at my boobs!!! | |
| uu, YOUR WHAT. | |
| GG, My... what? | |
| GG," Wait, what were YOU talking about?" | |
| uu, NO. TELL ME WHAT THOSE THINGS YOU SAID ARE. I'M SO ENTICED! | |
| GG, Screw you! | |
| GG, Tell me what you were getting at with all that!! | |
| GG," The stuff about ""clout,"" and my ""bulbous locations.""" | |
| uu, I WAS JUST SAYING. MY TASTE PREFERS. | |
| uu, WHEN THE BUXOM SHREW'S PHYSIQUE PUTS A HEALTHY DENT IN SPACETIME. | |
| GG, Spacetime?? | |
| uu, I LIKE HOW SALTY IT IS. WHEN A BITCH GROWS OUT OF HER SKELETAL PHASE. | |
| uu, AND HER FRAME REALLY BEGINS TO CHALLENGE THE HORIZONTAL DIMENSIONS. | |
| GG, WHAT! | |
| uu, WHEN THE FEMALE RUMP STARTS GETTING MORE MILEAGE OUT OF ITS WIDENESS ATTRIBUTE. MORE BANG FOR ITS BOONBUCK! | |
| uu, IT EXCITES ME BETTER. WHEN BITCHES PUNISH THE GROUND. WITH EACH MEGALITHIC FOOTSTEP. | |
| GG, SHUT UP! | |
| GG, I'M NOT FAT!!! | |
| uu, JANE BITCH. I HAVE NEW ORDERS. | |
| uu, YOU WILL STRIP TO THE SCANTY PAIR OF PARTY PANTS AND THE CLOTH CHEST PIECE WHICH YOU WEAR UNDER THOSE PLAIN RAGS. | |
| uu, THEN FIND A NAUGHTY PATCH OF MUD. | |
| uu, AND ROLL AROUND IN THE MUD. LIKE AN EARTH PIG. | |
| uu, FLAUNTING FOR ME. YOUR SLIPPERY AND SWOLLEN PORCINE PHYSICALITY. | |
| uu," AND MAYBE GRUNT SOME DECADENT POEMS THROUGH YOUR SNOUT. ABOUT SOME SHITFACE YOU ""ADOREFJSDKLJJF""." | |
| uu, OOOOH YES. | |
| uu, THAT WOULD BE. | |
| uu, *WRRRRETCHED!* | |
| GG, GO FUCK YOURSELF! | |
| uu, WAIT! DON'T SHUT ME OUT. | |
| uu, REMEMBER WHAT I SAID. ABOUT OUR DIFFERENT CULTURES OR WHATEVER. | |
| uu," HAVE A FUCKING OPEN MIND, JANE." | |
| uu, I MADE YOU A PRESENT. FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY. WHATEVER THAT ACTUALLY IS. | |
| uu, SEE HOW I'M MAKING AN EFFORT TO UNDERSTAND YOUR CUSTOMS? | |
| uu, MEET ME HALF OF THE GODDAMN WAY. | |
| GG, Oh cripes. | |
| GG, What is it? | |
| uu, A SUBLIME ARTISTIC PORTRAIT. | |
| uu, REMEMBER HOW I SAID MY POWER WAS GROWING WITH EACH DAY. | |
| uu, THIS APPLIES AS WELL TO MY PROWESS AS A DRAFTSMAN. | |
| GG," Oh goodness, no. You poor delusional thing." | |
| GG," I don't care what progress you think you've made. You will never be a good artist, dear." | |
| uu, HORSESHIT. | |
| uu, MY ILLUSTRATION IS STUNNING. IT IS NEARLY A PHOTOGRAPHIC REPRESENTATION OF YOUR ODIOUS MILKSHAKE. | |
| uu, NOW PARK THE INDUSTRIAL LOAD OF FREIGHT YOU DECLARE A BOTTOM. AND FEAST YOUR EYES ON MY FUCKING EXCELLENCE! | |
| uu, http://tinyurl.com/JANETHISISYOU | |
| GG, Groan. | |
| uu, I BELIEVE I HAVE CHOSEN THE PERFECT SHAPE FOR YOU. | |
| uu," IT IS DESCRIBED IN CERTAIN CIRCLES KNOWLEDGEABLE OF THE ARTS. AS. ""A CIRCLE""." | |
| uu, I AM VERY PLEASED WITH HOW FAITHFULLY IT HAS CAPTURED THE OBSCENE ROTUNDITY. OF YOUR MAGNIFICENT CARRIAGE. | |
| uu, TRULY A SPITTING IMAGE OF THE CROCKER BITCH. | |
| uu, NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY. YOU MAY LEARN SOMETHING. | |
| uu, THE MASTERPIECE AFICIONADO WILL NOTICE. HOW I ACHIEVED THIS HIGHLY ADVANCED AND DIFFICULT SHAPE. | |
| uu, WHAT MOST GIFTED ARTISANS WILL TELL YOU. IS THAT. CIRCLES ARE BASICALLY FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE TO DRAW. | |
| uu, TRUST ME. | |
| uu, IT'S LIKE A PARADOX. A SHAPE WITHOUT ANGLES. WHAT?? | |
| uu, SO I FUCKING CHEATED. | |
| uu," I NAVIGATED THE IRRATIONAL PERIMETER BY MAKING A LOT OF EASILY UNDERSTANDABLE, TOTALLY LOGICAL MARKS. FORMING A WHOLE BUNCH OF LITTLE RIGHT ANGLES." | |
| uu, THE CHEATING PART HAPPENS WHEN I DO THIS A LOT. SO IT GOES IN A ROUND DIRECTION. | |
| uu, THIS ONE CAME OUT WELL I THINK. BUT THERE'S ROOM TO IMPROVE. | |
| uu, I HAVE THEORIZED THAT IF I KEEP MAKING BOGUS CIRCLES LIKE THIS. | |
| uu, WHILE DRAWING MORE AND MORE ANGLES. BUT SMALLER. SO SMALL THAT YOU START CAN'T SEEING THEM. | |
| uu, THAT THE ILLUSION OF THE CIRCLE WILL BE COMPLETE! AND PEOPLE WILL BELIEVE IN THE FAKE CIRCLE. LIKE A BUNCH OF SUCKERS. | |
| uu, I BET NOBODY HAS THOUGHT OF THAT CIRCLE STRATEGY. I THINK I'M THE FIRST AT THIS IDEA. AND BEST AT IT ALREADY. | |
| uu, PEOPLE THINK I'M DUMB. ESPECIALLY THE VOICE IN MY HEAD. | |
| uu, AND THEY MAY BE RIGHT ABOUT ME BEING DUMB. | |
| uu, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE SPECIAL WAY I DO THINGS. WHICH IS ALWAYS ACTUALLY. THE PERFECT WAY. | |
| uu, I AM. | |
| uu, A GENIUS! | |
| GG, That is the most pointless and incomprehensible load of drivel I have ever read. | |
| GG," Your ""portrait"" is every bit as abysmal as I was expecting. And for the last time. I AM NOT FAT." | |
| GG," I think your claims of attraction to heavyset women, which you present as ""flattery,"" is an obvious ruse to get me to feel insecure about my appearance, and it isn't going to work!" | |
| uu, OINK. | |
| GG, SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE!!! | |
| GG," UGH, THIS BIRTHDAY IS SO AWFUL! I CAN'T STAND IT!" | |
| GG, WHY IS EVERYONE TREATING ME LIKE SHIT TODAY? | |
| GG, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?! | |
| uu," YOU WERE. WAIT. WHAT'S THE CONJUGATION ASSOCIATED WITH ""HUMAN BIRTH""?" | |
| uu, IS IT. HUMAN BORTH? | |
| uu, YOU WERE HUMAN BORTH. | |
| GG, SHUT UP! | |
| GG, I'M DONE HUMORING YOUR PERVERTED ADOLESCENT MIND GAMES! | |
| GG, TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED TO CALLIOPE! | |
| GG, CALLIOPE!!! | |
| GG, WE WANT YOU BACK! PLEASE COME BACK AND SPARE US FROM THIS LECHEROUS NINCOMPOOP! | |
| GG, CALLIOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
| GG, WHY DOESN'T THIS WORK?! | |
| uu, SAYING HER NAME ONLY WAKES HER UP. IF SHE'S ALIVE. | |
| uu," SO YOUR HOG FACE CAN SNORT THE DIRTY SYLLABLES ALL IT WANTS. HELL, I WILL EVEN GIVE YOU A HAND!" | |
| uu, CALLIOPE! WAKE UP SIS! | |
| uu," HAA HAA, WHOOPS. SHE CAN'T." | |
| uu, THE BITCH IS DEAD! | |
| GG, I DON'T BELIEVE YOU! | |
| uu, NO IT'S TRUE. I GOT SOMEBODY TO STAB HER A LOT. | |
| uu, THEN I STOLE HER BLOOD FOR MY LETTERS. | |
| GG, NO!!! THAT CAN'T BE TRUE! I REFUSE TO BELIEVE EVEN YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE! | |
| uu, JANE BITCH. YOUR PREPOSTEROUS FEMALE EMOTIONS ARE GOING EARTH BANANAS AGAIN. | |
| uu, SETTLE DOWN AND LISTEN TO BOY REASON. DO NOT MAKE ME DEMONSTRATE THE VERACITY OF MY FACTS. YET AGAIN. | |
| uu, THAT SACCHARINE TRAMP IS SUCH A GONER. SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK. | |
| uu, JUST LIKE YOUR DAPPER HUMAN GUARDIAN. | |
| GG, WHAT?? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FATHER! | |
| GG, WHERE IS HE? | |
| uu, HE'S FUCKING DEAD IS WHERE. | |
| GG, YOU'RE LYING AGAIN!!! | |
| GG, TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW! | |
| uu, GOD. I'M TRYING TO. | |
| uu, MY FACTS ARE HAVING DIFFICULTY PENETRATING YOUR HYSTERICAL ATTITUDE. LISTEN TO ME VERY CLOSE. | |
| uu, HE WAS CAPTURED BY AN AGENT SOON AFTER YOU BEGAN YOUR QUEST. HE WAS THEN PUT IN JAIL ON DERSE. | |
| GG, Ok... | |
| GG," So he's on Derse, then?" | |
| uu," BITCH, YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE PRISON SYSTEM ON DERSE?" | |
| uu, IT ISN'T LIKE THE SOFT TIME YOU DO ON PROSPIT. I BET YOU NEVER SPENT ANY TIME IN THE JOKE THEY CALL A SLAMMER THERE. LET ALONE ON DERSE. | |
| GG, And I suppose you have?? | |
| uu, I WAS NOT VERY WELL BEHAVED. I DID MORE THAN MY SHARE OF TIME. CHAINED TO THE WALL OF A CELL. | |
| uu, HEE HEE! LIKE I WASN'T SO USED TO THAT. I WAS LIKE. DO YOUR WORST. | |
| uu, AND THEN THEY DID. DERSITES DO NOT TREAT THEIR PRISONERS GOOD. TO SAY THE LEAST! | |
| uu, I WAS ONLY ABLE TO SURVIVE THE BRUTALITY. DUE TO MY EXCEPTIONAL CONSTITUTION. AND EVEN TO SOME EXTENT. MY ABILITY TO ENJOY ANGUISH. | |
| uu," BUT YOUR PATHETIC, FRAIL HUMAN ""DAD"" IS A DIFFERENT STORY. THERE IS NO DOUBT AT ALL. THAT HE IS DEAD BY NOW!" | |
| GG, No. Don't say that. Shut up! | |
| uu," YOU REALLY SHOULD BELIEVE ME. I HAVE UNLOCKED MANY OF HIS SCREENS, JUST LIKE YOURS." | |
| uu, YOU SHOULD SEE HOW THEY TREATED HIM! THE HORROR HE EXPERIENCED MUST BE DIFFICULT FOR A HUMAN GIRL TO IMAGINE. | |
| uu, PERHAPS I SHOULD CAPTURE ONE OF THE VISUALS. AND SHOW YOU FIRST HAND? | |
| GG, YOU BASTARD! I SAID SHUT UP!!! | |
| uu, HIS AGONY WAS MAGNIFICENT. AND VERY LONG LASTING. YOU SEE. HE WAS A VIP. | |
| uu, A VERY IMPORTANT PRISONER. SO THEY GAVE HIM SPECIAL TREATMENT. | |
| uu, UNDER SUCH CRUEL CIRCUMSTANCES. I BELIEVE HE WOULD HAVE TRADED HIS FAVORITE HAT. FOR A SWIFT END TO HIS HILARIOUS SUFFERING! | |
| GG, STOP IT | |
| uu, BUT IT WAS SO WONDERFUL AND GREAT TO WATCH! | |
| uu, BETWEEN YOUR FATHER'S DEMISE. AND HIS DAUGHTER'S EPIC POSTERIOR. LOOMING LARGE ON MY VIDEO DISPLAYS. | |
| uu," I REALLY MUST THANK YOUR ENTIRE ""FAMILY"". FOR HOURS OF SCANDALOUS ENJOYMENT!" | |
| GG, SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!! | |
| GG, FUCK YOU! HE'S NOT DEAD! | |
| GG," MY DAD'S FINE, I'M NOT FAT, AND I HATE YOU! I'M NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN!!!!!!" | |
| GG, AND STOP WATCHING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
| GT, Jane are you there? | |
| GT, I wouldnt blame you for not answering since i was such a shitty boor to you last time. | |
| GT, I just wanted to formally say happy birthday. | |
| GT, And also to pass along a birthday present. | |
| GT, I doubt it will make up for all the ways ive hurt your feelings but maybe it will be a start? | |
| GT, Its some fancy juju thingamabob that calliopes bro gave to me. | |
| GT, He specifically gave it to me to make me better so i could get stronger and punch him in the snout some day or something? | |
| GT, I dunno about that. I dont think i care about becoming a great hero and challenging a weird grumpy alien all that much. | |
| GT, Not nearly as much as my friendship with you. | |
| GT, So i want you to have it instead. | |
| GT, Just use the code to make it. The code is... | |
| GT, Um... | |
| GT, ORBROBuRBROS? | |
| GT, No wait. | |
| GT, Thats way too long... | |
| GT, uBORBuBROS? | |
| GT, How many letters were codes supposed to have? | |
| GT, Fuck. | |
| GT, BROBuROBuT | |
| GT, ORuBuBROBOS | |
| GT, No. Uh... | |
| GT, BROBRO... something? | |
| GT, Wait no there were definitely some little u's in it... | |
| GT, Shit. I really should have copied it down before i closed the chat window. | |
| GT, OuROBOuRBON | |
| GT, BuRBORuBROS... | |
| GT, Wow those arent even close. | |
| GT, Hang on let me think. | |