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looks like a student of a middle school apparently, according to the staff last year.
X
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so i'm going to be going into the office, doing administrative mommy type business.
N
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Female
i would call and pretend that i was like my friend's mom and-
H
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Female
but older kids just walk home. if their parents called, you could just leave.
X
3
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Female
let's give a quick shout out to megan because she was texting while we were-
H
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Female
let's go on to our sponsors and shout-outs. first i wanted to give a quick shout out-
H
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Female
... and if you ever want any work done, you could probably message him on instagram. he's really nice. it's @1984.dangerously.close, but he has all kinds of-
N
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Female
i don't know.but i mean, is he an irishman or is he canadian?i don't know.
N
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Female
that florida humidity got that algae growing out of control sometimes so bad it looks like your house is a hobbit home.mm-hmm (affirmative). that's not good.
X
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Female
or you can use an alternate promo code of mixed feelings-
N
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Female
if you want that, but whatever. either way.that's no fun. fullwood's pressure cleaning service in lakeland -
H
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... florida, you can call them at (863)-272-9388. you can go to their website, www.fullwoodpcs.com.
N
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you can tweet him on twitter @fullwoodpcs, instagram @fullwood pressure cleaning service with no s and then facebook -
X
3
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Female
but see, i think we have them in our backyard because i've seen them back there. the bufo toads -
N
3.4
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Female
oh, might not be worth kicking that throne.
H
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Female
don't know. mandy decided then for the sake of being able to move into a bigger house with a backyard instead of a condo, her and her mom decided to shack up together and...
N
4
3.8
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Female
and she's like, no, really? she's all thin, so i told barbara, i was like, listen -
H
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Female
we need to get this taken care of, or he has to get rehomed, because i can't have him attacking the kids and going [crosstalk 00:02:23]-
A
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2.454545
5.090909
131
Female
so i said, "okay, so how do you make a dog stop jumping?" and this is her response. "knee them every time, hard. even if you knock her over, keep it up, and loudly, tell her no. be the pack leader."
H
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Female
[crosstalk 00:02:35]. i can't have him doing that, so-
A
4.636364
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Female
or giving him up to the aspca. i think peter would be happy that i'm the enemy. so, fuck you peter.
N
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Female
cool whenever people that he's comfortable with are around, but as soon as you introduce someone -
X
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he's going to come after and kill it. he's not going to make friends. he's not going to be chill. he's going to bite children, so i can't take him out places because he is like this ..., it's like having a child molester for a pet.
H
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lawyer's coming after me and then i just don't want to deal with that.
X
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Female
it's like he's trying to assert alpha over me, because he keeps-
C
4
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Female
... biting the fuck out of me, but he does it for weird reasons. i'll feed him, and after i'll put the food down, he'll come and chase me away from it and be like-
X
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Female
... and bite my arm. and i'm like, "what the fuck? i just gave you the food. you've never done this before."
U
5
3.583333
4.75
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Female
maybe if i pay her like a couple hundred dollars, she'll just take gino and boot camp him or something.she's retired now, but sometimes she does get the horse whip after him.
N
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Female
i don't want to hurt him. i feel like i might hurt him because he's so small.
F
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Female
so, it hurts when he bites?yeah, he's just gnawing on you.little [inaudible 00:03:09] shit.you know what? we are going to have-
N
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Female
... to do our mafia beatings, because we just started talking about all kinds of shit.
X
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Female
i don't know, i was kind of tripping, i wanted to make sure that it was real. i was like, "what is that?"
H
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Female
everything's such a blur. i swear anything that happened between the 4th of july and right now feels like it was in one week.
C
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... been able to put it on the show, so i had to wait. all right, anyways, i digress. where is it? okay.
S
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Female
so, first we have jam, the nice guy, graham bony-
H
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... of walmart, and leads the underground army that the texas tiddy-tweezers are building of the badass kids in walmart.
N
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that shit just happens. so what happens is jam, the nice guy-
H
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good job, rob. good job, rob.
H
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mafia beaten is going to be joey the flash, cecilia, and he is joining the canadian goose stompers. you can find him on instagram.
H
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... cover me photography. joey the flash already had a bad-ass last-
N
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Female
all right, so that is it as far as any obligations that we had to do anything structured.
H
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so, what kind of stuff do you want to talk about? what's going on with you? i mean, we already-
N
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... but i'm also so fucking sick of painting, so i don't know if i'm going to paint that or if i'm going to-i-
C
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... and have those barnacles in your lungs. not real barnacles. what are those things called? bronchitis? no.
N
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Female
... to see that, but they have this one guy-
X
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that does all this movie tie shit, and i was out there kicking the fuck out of that bag, and i think i'm going to have a bruise on my shin.
X
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Female
speaking of the fucking internet, have you seen what they've done to arthur?
X
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Female
sure.there's this... okay, there's this... and the fucked up thing is most of them are like him and his sister, but they're like sexual thing. like i guess people who watch... i think the people who made these didn't watch the show.
O
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no.because they didn't figure it out... because okay, there's one where she's trying to get up off the couch and he's grabbing her arms and he's like, "no, you didn't hear your baby crying. come here, baby!"
H
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skeeter and patty mayonnaise, and he's like, "girl, i pulled out. you better talk to doug."
N
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why are [crosstalk 00:03:38] running for your life?i know, skeeter would never say that.
X
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... feeling like after i was working at my standing desk for a while and i was like, "ooh, look at these [crosstalk 00:03:46]-it's really-
X
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i think so. yeah, it's like a weird day, it's in the middle of the day.i think it's like a wednesday.i don't care, i'll go, we're going.yeah, it's an orlando.
N
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i mean, that's like an hour and a half away, and on a wednesday night, i don't think it'll be bad. we could just leave work early.how much do you think it would be to uber?
N
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Female
oh no, you know what else? i can't shop at publix anymore.
X
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Female
... to pass it. we don't like it. we don't condone it.
N
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i'd probably still shop there. i would be like, "well, that sucks, but okay." but i feel like it takes it to a different level when they put money into the effort to stop it.
N
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Female
... publix.okay, well, maybe i'll shop there. maybe.
N
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there are just so many benefits from doing it, economically and health-wise. i mean-
N
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Female
is it a prime minister in canada?yeah.or is it the boss of canada?
N
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Female
hold on, okay. oh my god, what?what?
N
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Female
oh my god.what? what's happening?
X
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Female
megan just texted me and said, "this is what i just found behind my ac filter."oh no, what is it?
N
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Female
... can do. you just lay on the grass. and if you want, you can bring chairs and the picnic thing and-
N
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Female
but for one second, she did not. the thing was, she was sitting on this-
D
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Female
... blanket with this guy, and the way that they were talking to each other, they were on a first date with each other, but she wouldn't stop, she wouldn't even let him answer anything.
N
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but i would look back and he would just be looking like... panicking and looking around like he was just trying to find any reason to just bail. like, "i got-
X
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Female
so, she's back at work, and then we got two new girls in my office that sit in there. there's four people in my office now, when it used to be three, but they're cool and they-
H
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Female
we don't really know each other that well, so we bitches have been shooting the and talking and stuff.
N
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Female
i sat down and i'm like, "oh my god, oh my god," so i'm like, "how can i get out of this?" and he was like, "so, you want to go somewhere else?" and i was like, "sure." so, my plan was to ditch him in traffic-
H
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he was on my tail the whole... i thought i could just lose him.
X
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Female
set up for the olympic games, it's not even done for the athletes to come, and you got the fucking zika virus.
A
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Female
oh, nice!100-meter dash, i did it!i did this.where are those [inaudible 00:06:45]
H
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he better give us the interview.i have no idea what's coming up.
N
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i had some stuff up here.
N
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Female
thank you, thank you.i know i said justin could always ride that nova. he always wanted but-
H
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what he said, he said as soon as i changed my last name, he's going to change his last name to what my current last name is now.
N
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i guess he wants to be in on the craziness that is our family.he can have it all.oh god, they're all...everyone can have it all.
H
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oh, no. there was...
N
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Female
why does geno got to bark right now? why's he got to be like that? so, i'm driving and i scoop underneath of the bird and he's like-
N
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Female
also, for those of you that don't know, i like-
N
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Female
... and so he just didn't do it anymore, and it's been sad because-
X
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Female
... he was talking so much and he was playing street fighter, but he was doing all these special moves and just fucking people up, and he was on an 11-game winstreak, and i was like, "what's going on-"
H
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Female
i mean, i'm glad you guys like it, but i've watched-
H
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Female
... thing, you can't do that every day, that would be too intense.
N
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Female
well, you have to heat it up with a torch, the nail. you have to heat the nail up with a torch so that it vaporizes it as soon as it touches it, so it turns it into water vapor.
N
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... so supportive over here. i'm like, "you kill him, you kill m. bison, you do it!"
H
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the next day i was like, that was a weird fucking night.
H
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i've had plenty of instances where people can't look me in the eyes anymore. i'm sorry, i'm just fucking creepy and weird on the regular.
S
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Female
all right you guys, i did want to tell you all that one thing that you're about to start seeing because-
N
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... set way to do this. we think of shit that we want to talk about and we talk about it, or we don't. it's just off the cuff and we talk.
A
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... about shit. but the other thing too that i've been thinking about is, being creative comes in many different formats.
H
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... is nostalgic and fun is to play video games.
X
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Female
the fucking pajama rats. do you remember those things?no.
X
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Female
drake summer 16.okay, i will make it happen.well, that's if you're on the podcast, if you're on youtube, your party's over.yep, that's it. they don't like it when we play songs, so sorry.
N
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today we are going to do another off-the-cuff episode and not have as much structure as we have been having. but mandy's champing at the bit to tell me on-
X
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Female
like expensive snacks, name brand snacks for her and generic ones for her kids, and she's like, "they don't know the difference." i was like, "yeah, they do, bitch!"
H
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like i did the trifold one, and i did double chocolate on one, ice cream sandwich-flavored on the other, and then birthday cake.
N
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chocolate, yeah, and then on my ice cream sandwich one, i did the brownie pieces and hot fudge.
N
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i only did a bifold... wait, let's go back to...
N
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Female