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1,277 | 234 | 0.94 | 1,277 | definitely one of the most awkward moments of my life. i was walking back through edinburgh city centre and i saw a man with a cup of coffee with no lid, and he was sitting on the ground, so i thought he was homeless. i felt around in my pockets for some loose change and found a few coppers. i went over and put them in... | i thought a man was homeless and put change in his cup of coffee, he wasnt homeless and had coffee in the cup. | thinking a man was homeless. |
0 | 2 | 0.53 | 0 | a few people from a post i submitted on this sub a while ago wanted to hear another story about the music department [here](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1p5vk6/tifu_by_doing_a_weewee_behind_the_school_piano/) is the first story about pissing behind a school piano.
so, without further-ado, here's the story ab... | said my music teacher's husband has erectile dysfunction and got a detention for it. | saying my music teacher's husband has erectile dysfunction.. |
29 | 4 | 0.85 | 29 | i am big time enthusiast fish keeper. i have about 5 aquariums in my home, but i have to maintain several other containers as quarantine tanks and breeding tanks. these containers are usually buckets and other pitchers which have their temperature and other parameters maintained.
from the past few days, i could smell... | completely forgot about some pet fish, which turned my room into a gas chamber, then puked on my pet bird while trying to clean up | forgetting i keep a lot of fishes. |
6 | 13 | 0.66 | 6 | so i've recently started seeing this guy, i know he;s liked me for a long time, but i only recently realized that i actually really like him. we're hunkering down for a night of movies and alcohol as per usual when he suddenly drops it. he's like, yeah...i think i love you. completely caught me off guard, i was honest ... | i'm an idiot and my brain is an asshole when i'm half asleep and i'm probably over thinking everything and freaking out too much. | not being able to say the l word...and then accidentally saying it. |
14 | 4 | 0.83 | 14 | warning: i'm on a mobile device; expect some errors. so me and my friend have this habit of talking on the phone or in person about the weirdest shit. i'm friends with one of the chefs at ku, where i'm currently at. the other day, my chef friend told me that one of the workers is clinically depressed and is suicidal. f... | unintentionally called a pizza "fucking nasty" in front of a clinically depressed chef, when i meant it towards my friend. | unintentionally insulting a depressed chef. |
0 | 0 | 0.18 | 0 | so right now i'm at a halloween party and i was feeling a little parched, so i ended up on a quest to wet my whistle. i walked in the door from the back yard and lo-and-behold upon the table is a bowl of freshly made, barely touched, punch. i walk up grab a cup, dunk the ladle and start to pour. as i'm pouring i start... | went to get a drink ended up a human punch fountain. | ruined the punch. |
14 | 6 | 0.86 | 14 | a little backstory: i am living in this tiny apartment for a while, and because it is so small the only available space for my pc-tower is a space behind my desk. in order for the cables to reach my tower had to be facing away from me.
fast forward to today. i am copying about 300gb of data (pictures and stuff mostly... | hit the power switch on my pc accidentally and potentially lost a lot of data. | screwed up about 3tb of data. |
16 | 3 | 0.95 | 16 | i don't know if this is a major fuck-up yet but i decided to post it here anyways.
it starts pretty harmless with me sleeping in my room at around 11:45 am, when suddenly my sister comes bursting in, rudely waking me up and yelling: "augenmann, get up! lunch is ready!" i give her the occasional "i'll be there in a min... | dropped phone into toilet, tried to not make it smell like pee.** | got my hand wet |
14 | 17 | 0.65 | 14 | this happened last night. our relationship started less than 2 weeks before and we planned to go camping because none of us had in a while. it was amazing, it was just the both of us and we had fires, caught crawdads, had drinks, etc.
at the end of the drunk night, i accidentally call her by my ex's name and then she... | at the end of an amazing and romantic camping trip, i called my girlfriend by my ex's name. | my ex's name |
59 | 20 | 0.82 | 59 | so,this morning started off like a normal saturday. i got up, showered, and had breakfast. after consuming my morning meal i decide to watch movies online - and browse reddit of course (shout out to r/motorcycles) - and continue to drink orange juice. a half gallon (1.8l) of delicious goodness to be exact. after the mo... | drank a lot of orange juice, got massive pee boner, decided to pee in sink, went everywhere - including on me | trying to pee in the sink |
154 | 77 | 0.92 | 154 | here's the story.
i've been seeing this guy for about 3 weeks now. he's fantastic and we were really getting along amazingly.
last night, we were in bed and he was going down on me. we were both very drunk, and my mind was a little fuzzy and distracted. at that moment i apparently decided to softly call out "oh, ja... | called out someone else's name during sex. ruined every chance at a relationship with an amazing guy. name that i called out was just some random dude from work. | calling out someone else's name during sex. |
46 | 12 | 0.92 | 46 | **note:** this wasn't today, but last year. upon reading a post here about spilling acetone on some genitals, i was reminded of a night when i screwed up pretty bad.
i've been a nail biter since i can remember. so every now and then i'll paint my nails to try to elude myself from chewing them off.
after a night of... | drank some acetone while half asleep. burned my mouth, throat and face pretty bad. tried to cool my burning mouth by drinking *plenty* of milk when i'm lactose intolerant. ended up burning from my mouth and ass that day. | drinking acetone. |
37 | 8 | 0.91 | 37 | i work as a server/manager at a fine dining italian restaurant. one of our regulars, a barfly really, always told me she wanted to do something with my hair. i am a guy btw, never put any colour in my hair etc. our bartender, basically a fuckbuddy of the barfly, repeatedly told me "yeah, yeah, do it. she's good! sh... | i paid $125 to have my hair look exactly as it had earlier that day because i trusted the fuckbuddy of my bartender to dye my hair.** | getting my hair "highlighted" by a customer of mine. |
22 | 10 | 0.8 | 22 | as a group of friends and me were about to go to class, i decided to grab a cup of water before we left. i have a nalgene bottle that i usually take, but for some reason i really wanted a styrofoam cup of ice water. the desks in the classroom are standard college desks, which are pretty small. enough room for a lapt... | friend accidentally spilt cup of water on my laptop in class. i looked like an idiot. | bringing a cup of water to class |
20 | 24 | 0.86 | 20 | so my bike was already giving me some problems, however since i am not mechanically inclined i had no idea what was wrong with it and figured it would be fine till i got home.
both of my roommates work at the local head shop thats right on the main strip of my town. on my way home i stopped by the shop to pick up this... | motorcycle broke down. parked it in store. gas leaked everywhere. other business though it was a natural gas leak so called authorities | parking my motorcycle inside my friends head shop |
26 | 8 | 0.85 | 26 | oh my fuck... am i retarded?
lately, i have been obsessed with reading the top r/nosleep posts of all time. i have a girlfriend who aspires to be a writer and is into horror movies so i figured i would send her one of my favourite series-posts. let me give you a rundown of how the r/nosleep story goes...
**spoilers**... | ** -reminded girlfriend of her shitty past and potentially gave her new anxieties. | sending an /r/nosleep story to my girlfriend |
62 | 14 | 0.79 | 62 | so, let me just preface this by saying, i'm fine this happens occasionally.
i woke up this morning around 8am, my hubs had said last night he wanted to sleep in this morning so he could stay up later tonight to watch football (go chiefs!) so i let him rest while i laid in bed finishing a book i had started and surfing... | i tried to hop a ride on some morning wood and fell off. | sexy times **(nsfw)** |
356 | 58 | 0.9 | 356 | today has not been a good day, and it's only 1:30.
as i slept, at 9:30, i was having a wonderful dream. i don't remember anything about it, other than it was really enjoyable.
then, my alarm interrupted me.
groaning, i sat up, looking blearily at the time, and muttered something offensive to alarm clocks. reaching o... | tifu by drinking ants, pissing on my own legs, destroying my body with a children's garden toy and almost fucking up a job interview, all before lunchtime. | with ants, piss, tetherball and a job interview. |
16 | 8 | 0.82 | 16 | so i'm trying to eat a little healthier. today i stopped at an asian supermarket, mostly to look around. i spotted some dieter's green tea, and i remembered that someone had recommended it to me a while back, so i picked some up. i ran some errands with the hubby, and a few hours later when we got home, i decided to... | senna tastes gross, and honey does not help. | trying dieter's green tea. |
0 | 1 | 0.29 | 0 | this is for a course in one of my last semesters of college and it ends probably today.
to make a long story short, the project required us to also hand in a user manual to go with the project directly by hand to the professor. i never got this memo and left it in the professor's physical office inbox. i'm just goddam... | there isn't a tl;dr for this i think i just want to shoot myself for a mistake this fucking huge. i fucking suck. | not handing in a project directly to hand. |
26 | 12 | 0.78 | 26 | okay, i remember a couple of days ago we had a thread asking people to describe the laziest thing they have ever done. mine might not quite measure up to a captain shifting a navy ship to get the sun out of his eyes, but it's pretty damn awful.
a couple of weeks back, i saved up my hard-earned money and bought myself ... | bought expensive toy, used it once, was too lazy to clean, toy became home to a flourishing mold colony. | destroying my toy with sheer laziness. |
186 | 23 | 0.93 | 186 | recently, during the height of breast cancer awareness month (sorry, not technically today), i was over at my girlfriend's house energetically pregaming for a night out. needless to say, my brain-to-mouth filter wasn't in full working condition.
she was showing me around her house when we ran into one of her roommates,... | keeping it real went wrong.** | making making my gf's roommate cry for her charity work |
26 | 12 | 0.76 | 26 | i just recently got out of a bad relationship. she was 24[f] i am 26[m]. she was super neurotic and talked down to me the whole time. i was no saint either though. i lied to her, a lot. i never really showed her the real me. she was hot, and i was into it really because of that. i am shallow i know. i honestly never th... | i fucked around on my now ex girlfriend, and told her just to spite her and hurt her. i feel horrible, but i can't take it back. | telling my ex that i cheated on her... |
19 | 16 | 0.92 | 19 | not today, but i digress. i am really into film making and thought it would be a great idea to incorporate my passion into my eagle service project, not just make another damn bench. what i chose to do was make short psa videos for a local elementary school about what kids should do in emergency situations. it was a fu... | eagle scout film project gets destroyed due to shitty sd card reader, then i pay $260 to try and get it back, and i don't. no refund. | deleting my entire eagle scout project |
51 | 6 | 0.88 | 51 | some background:
the windows in my house are sealed around the sides with duct tape to prevent unnecessary drafts. it's an old historic house and it gets very cold.
the story:
i was boiling some water on my stovetop to make pasta, but when i went to put the pasta in, i dropped a handful of it all over the stovetop ... | set my house on fire, roommate screams like a girl, i'm still hungry, | setting my house on fire |
20 | 4 | 0.8 | 20 | so this morning i followed my usual schedule by grabbing a bowl of granola with soy milk and trudging on over to the couch to watch some tv. i look over and my 17 pound, monster of a [cat](http://imgur.com/djzjn.jpg), obie, is just chillin there lookin all cute. in my early morning groggy state i thought it would be a ... | got granola all over my cat, was stupid enough to let him jump off me sending cereal in all directions, and just discovered more sticky fur** | spilling a bowl of cereal all over myself and my cat |
0 | 4 | 0.21 | 0 | let me start by saying that this has happened with the most kindest intentions...
well my drum major was looking up costumes for next year's marching show ( which is lord of the rings... winning) and was talking about it on facebook. so being the funny guy i am i comment, and after a while a few other people comment ... | called my drum major an orc on facebook for all to see... | calling my drum major an orc........... |
835 | 87 | 0.97 | 835 | around one year ago i was looking for work in the sound engineering/music area, so i decided it would be a good idea to register a domain name with my full name to make myself look more professional to employers. so i go ahead and register with uk2.net, "myfullname.com".
it gets a little technical here, but is relevan... | unintentionally hosted gay porn on my professional website, put the url on my cv and sent it out to potential employers** | registering a domain with my full name |
120 | 38 | 0.86 | 120 | today was like any other day. i got home from school and went straight to the toilet to take a shit. my diet for the past week hasn't been the best so my shit wasn't the normal consistency. i finished my business and proceeded to wipe my ass this is when the problem started.
i could get rid of all the fucking shi... | sprayed lynx up my ass to get rid of smell. ass felt like it was being ripped apart. | spraying lynx up my ass. |
27 | 11 | 0.88 | 27 | we had a bad storm go through here a couple of days ago, winds knocked down several trees, which of course had to be cleaned up today.
our family has a system for this (with 40 acres this happens often). my dad runs the chainsaw and i help him however i can - pulling on branches while he's cutting, pulling stuff out ... | didn't pay attention to my dad while he was wielding the chainsaw. took a branch to the mouth. also learned what a thorny locust tree is - ended up bleeding in multiple places. | not paying attention to the man with the chainsaw. twice. |
38 | 20 | 0.85 | 38 | so, this wasn't really today, but it was about a 3 months ago. a friend on skype was reading post on this sub-reddit aloud and i thought i should share my story after hearing the[ post about a fart traveling up some poor lady's vagina at work.](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1j0ybg/tifu_by_trusting_a_fart/) anyw... | i sharted diarrhea and it did the weird bubble thing where it then went to my vagina and made a huge mess. | getting diarrhea all over my vagina. |
20 | 3 | 0.85 | 20 | background: i work for an events company doing sound/lighting/video. hours can be horrendous with little thanks from the client. it's not glamourous.
so last week (sorry, not today!) we had a fairly big catwalk show for a major fashion label. 12 minute show, think £20,000 a minute for the finished job. it's in an old... | drank 40 mochas, splashed turd all over a portaloo, had to work wearing a curtain as a skirt. | drinking too many starbucks drinks with not enough sleep |
15 | 5 | 0.79 | 15 | so i'm a firefighter and we are on scene of a supposed electrical fire (false alarm) and i'm standing in a door way with another firefighter as instructed to do. now just before the alarm went off another firefighter was in the shower. when the tone dropped he comes down in his underwear and puts his gear on (pretty fu... | radio keyed up, underwear, everyone heard, stern talk | accidentally talking into my radio |
18 | 25 | 0.73 | 18 | wasn't last night but it was the following night.
so my friends and i went to mayhem fest to see rob zombie and fiver finger death punch. well the kids i went with like to smoke weed and one of them brought half an o along. i didn't know this and we were half way there when he whipped it out. i don't smoke and i don'... | friends had bud, got pulled over and cops accused me of being high when i was sober the whole time. handcuffed and sent to jail for 3 hours. | being sober |
21 | 5 | 0.68 | 21 | i was out. walking. it was crowded. i was going down the street when a mother stopped in the middle of the block to pick her kid up, i was walking right behind them and had to do some reggie bush shit to make sure i didn't topple over them. so now i'm on the end of the sidewalk, and trying to maneuver my way out of a c... | - almost got attacked because i accidentally hit some guys girlfriends breast. was awkward for all involved**. | walking into a woman's breast |
715 | 121 | 0.93 | 715 | to give a bit of background, i haven't slept since sunday because my job is a wee bit demanding at the moment. i recently moved to a new duty station and today is day 3 of my new job. on monday, i had to cover a 24 hour duty shift for a colleague. this bled into my normal job on tuesday. this is not uncommon, and i wou... | ] today i discovered my body's limit for ingestion of energy supliments. professional relationships irreparably destroyed... along with a perfectly good uniform | being in the army... and substituting energy drinks for sleep |
8 | 21 | 0.6 | 8 | tonight i was coming home from a friend's house after a fun night of gta v (not relevant to the story, but still a super fun game) and i was approaching a stoplight and my eyes tricked me into thinking the light was green when it was actually red. luckily i didn't crash, unluckily there was a cop car sitting at the lig... | colorblindness leads me to run a red light, cop pulls me over and gives me a $120 citation. | being colorblind |
0 | 3 | 0.52 | 0 | i'm posting this here in the hope i will never forget it...
recently i've been really turned on by the thought of anal pleasure, i had gone in just a little but not much and always cleaned up after not even knowing if i had to. maybe i should have googled this... it would have saved me the trouble i went through today... | stuck my fingers up my rear end forgetting to clean up the lube afterwards, next day poop slowly slid out, had easy shit but messed up my boxers... never again, well the leaving the lube part of course... | not researching anal pleasure enough |
537 | 53 | 0.93 | 537 | this actually happened a few weeks ago, but i found out the truth about him last night...
i work at a safe house for victims of domestic violence. it's a women- and children-only shelter and it's a transitional 60-day program. i also monitor the domestic violence hotline while working my shifts, and i received a cal... | -** work on a domestic violence hotline, received a call from a man, put him up in a hotel for 3 days and requested that the agency give him money to get out of the state and with family, turns out that the man is the abuser and was hurt while his wife was defending herself. now i feel like a colossal asshole. | helping a violent man leave the state |
24 | 3 | 0.86 | 24 | so this is a double tifu and it happened about 1,5 years ago. i was going my last year in high school and was under alot of stress from the last exams which led to me having some problems with my sleep. i found taking walks in the middle of the night just before going to bed to be very relaxing and helping me with my i... | mom thinks i'm selling drugs every night when i'm just out for a walk. wants to talk and walks in on me wanking. | taking too many late night walks |
14 | 11 | 0.8 | 14 | so i was smoking a cigarette in my truck driving down the road and i didn't want to throw my cigarette out the window so i put it in a cup of tea from royal farms. cut to later in the night i'm leaving my lady's house around 1 in the morning, i'm tired, sleepy and thirsty so without thinking i grab the cup of tea and d... | i drank cigarette tea and now feel like i'm on the verge of death | cigarette tea |
0 | 5 | 0.38 | 0 | im currently in my junior year at a northeastern university(us), and every semester i always end up fucking up. at the beginning of the semester i do well but slowly end up doing worse and worse, failing to meet professors and missing class.
my gpa is abysmal, below a 2.5. i haven't even met with my advisor to see if ... | i need to change | being my usual shitty self. |
15 | 2 | 0.84 | 15 | i'm at a friends place, my so and i decide to buy a bottle of sailor jerry's. my friend wanted to drink a little with us so we come back from the liquor store and the friend comes up with the brilliant idea to play a drinking game to one of our favorite shows trailer park boys. we drink, we have a good time, our noses ... | sausage wraps are not hang over food. | throwing up sausage. |
25 | 29 | 0.74 | 25 | i was riding my bicycle with a big pack of people on a beach side board walk. adrenaline is pumping testosterone is controlling me. i am in front of the pack, i am leading them down the board walk. i am pedaling ahead and my right arm reaches out. my eyes and mind are on the road. this is strange. a shadowy group is ge... | i fucked up by spanking a girl while riding past her on my bicycle. was sent to county and spent 15 hours till i made bail. ended up with a missdemeanor and she did not press charges. i was a douchbag. | spanking my way to jail. |
135 | 19 | 0.93 | 135 | i was meeting a bunch of my boyfriend's friends for the first time, and bowling was the activity decided upon. i wore my favourite jeans that i've had for years. we show up to the bowling lanes, and it happens to be glow in the dark night. there's black lights everywhere. i didn't think anything of it, until i looked d... | my jeans gave a glowing first impression. | wearing my favourite jeans when i went bowling |
0 | 4 | 0.18 | 0 | 1)so yeah yesterday night, i fucked up. so as i was heading for a super duper night for my friend's birthday, i get to where we meet up to go to the restaurant together. i was pretty high at that point. when i'm under the influence, i fuck up a lot. i say things i don't think i would say sober or i would not say them t... | 1)humiliated a girl for no reason 2)humiliated another girl for no reason calling her ugly in front of her friends** | 3 for 1 (damnit...) |
20 | 16 | 0.63 | 20 | throwaway time.
so i carpool with a nice lady that i work with. we will occasionally have some fun on the way to and from work. sometimes it's pulling over to the side of the highway for a quickie, sometimes it's good old fashioned road head. today was one of those days.
so she does her thing, expertly might i add, i... | dm;gh | getting a blowjob on the way to work |
15 | 14 | 0.71 | 15 | i was tailgating at miller park to watch the milwaukee brewers game. i was with a group from a bar and we decided to finish our drinks outside the sausage house, a building with restrooms and catering hall, on the way into the stadium. i determined i needed to take a digger, so i went into one of the stalls in the men'... | - full drink landed in my shorts and boxers while i was taking a shit. | taking a drink into the shitter at a milwaukee brewers game. |
0 | 3 | 0.33 | 0 | backstory: met one of her bffs, let's call this bff h, at a mutual friend's birthday bonfire (his name's bbf). we got to talking about relationships and so forth, and she told me her friend, now referred to as m, just got out of a relationship and is looking to hook-up with someone. h gives me m's number and....
!no m... | hooked up with a girl that liked me and could've been more than a one night hookup, but went too far when making out one too many times and she told me she now feels as if it was a one time thing. | trying to go too far with a girl that would have had sex with me after the first date |
12 | 12 | 0.75 | 12 | i went to bed at about 6 am last night and woke up at about 8 this morning, only getting two hours of sleep. i don't have school or work today, so i went about being lazy with the day. i ate breakfast, browsed reddit, watched some tv.
i was a little melancholy about being alone and not having any plans on valentine's... | i fell asleep and missed going out with a dreamboat on valentine's day because i'm really, really, really stupid.** | sleeping through my valentine's date with a man i've been really hoping would ask me out. |
977 | 158 | 0.93 | 977 | ...*sigh*. the title pretty much says it all, but ill explain a bit.
start the story realizing that i got up at 530am to get ready for work, and am still a little groggy from my ambien i took the night before. to top that off i had dental work done yesterday, so the first thing i did this morning was take some vicodi... | tifu by pouring obscenely hot coffee on my fiances nuts. | burning my fiances testicles... |
13 | 6 | 0.91 | 13 | tifu at making smart decisions. this probably wont be terribly exciting, but this morning my unit had a ruck march scheduled. its a 5 mile and 50 lbs ruck. when i woke up and got dressed, i looked between my newer more comfortable boots and an older and heavier pair. i grab the old pair because they are closer.
and t... | fuck blisters | not choosing the right boots |
1,839 | 223 | 0.96 | 1,839 | throwaway for decent enough reasons.
last weekend i went to visit my girlfriend of about 4 years. we've spent the last year getting pretty into bondage, so when i went i brought a few of our toys from my place in my school backpack. when i left on sunday i took *all* of our combined toys back with me (at least the por... | i just gave my entire math class and probably future classmates a display of my kinky sex toys** | spilling bondage equipment all over my math class |
40 | 25 | 0.86 | 40 | i was using my galaxy tablet reddit app as a newspaper while i was dropping the kids off at the pool, for those who might not get the last half of the last line, i was taking a dump. i got so tuned into reading all sorts of stuff from the front page that a good long period of time passes by, realising that i had been s... | ? | reading reddit for too long. |
133 | 26 | 0.93 | 133 | this happened to me last summer, but i thought i might as well share this chain reaction fuck up. so they day started off as normal and i decided to take a run at the local trail. after my run i decided to drink my gatorade and sit on the bench right next to the parking lot. i get back in my car and as i'm driving home... | ran over my phone, lost my wallet, dad found my weed stash and pieces and disposed of them all in a massive chain reaction. | creating a nice fuck up combo |
2 | 10 | 0.58 | 2 | backstory:
so, as a teenager, i have to text my mother letting her know i arrived at school safely. i had just gotten an iphone 4 the other week and it was raining, like drizzling.
what happened:
as i'm walking under a scaffold, i decide to take my phone out and text her. one (and i mean one) drop of rain drips onto ... | water on iphone. scumbag apple took my money. | using my iphone in the rain |
704 | 169 | 0.87 | 704 | **
so i was playing around with this thing called sendgrid. it allows you to send e-mails through a relay server. the important thing to note here is with these kind of servers, you can send an e-mail using any address in the "from" field. in short, it allows e-mail spoofing.
i had been watching tpb and wikileaks do... | sent mass mail using registrar's email address declaring all of tomorrow's classes cancelled. got caught.** | almost cancelling everyone's classes at my university |
57 | 5 | 0.93 | 57 | it was a long night as my 7 month old was having a rough night. in the morning, i grabbed two things to bring into bathroom to get ready... my eye drops for my contacts and some campho-phenique for my horrible chapped lips.
dropped some eye drops unto my lips and figured it was just super liquidy because maybe my lips... | i forgot to wash my hands and wiped something into my eye that really shouldn't have been there. | mixing up eye drops and campho-phenique... |
74 | 14 | 0.92 | 74 | so, i ride a comutter train to work and therefore purchase a monthly ticket. i arrived at the ticket kiosk at the last minute, the train was pulling into the statiin. i could have prevented this all together had i not left my wallet at home last fiday and purchased my ticket then. so here i am on monday. i pulled in... | i waited to the last minute to get a train ticket and contributed to the haste that caused the lady behind me to drop her ticket. she is out $188.20 for the ticket and will get $150 citation from the train conductor. i got a free ticket for march. | causing a lady to have a bad monday. |
13 | 9 | 0.79 | 13 | this started last night at work: a wine and liquor store in a fairly nice part of my town. around 5pm an average looking guy came in and explained that he had accidentally locked his keys in his car while picking it up from the auto repair shop next door. he asked if we had a coat hanger or something that he could use ... | let a guy borrow a doorstop, got the cops called on me. | letting a stranger borrow a doorstop |
8 | 4 | 0.87 | 8 | this actually happened friday, but i haven't been on reddit in a while. anyway, i decided to wear my favorite pair of light blue jeans. i noticed there was a small tear starting along the right leg, but i figured they were pretty durable jeans and they would hold up. well, i was horribly mistaken. i'm in school and thi... | put too much trust in a pair of jeans, went to school with a giant crotch hole, ruined my friday | wearing my favorite jeans |
23 | 11 | 0.72 | 23 | let me start by saying, my sense of humor can be summed up in one click: /r/imgoingtohellforthis
in health class we recently got a new workbook. a softcover book, that we keep. in a fit of boredom, i flipped through the book and, on every image of a person, drew something very offensive. swastikas, penises, racism, se... | i drew a swastika on my workbook, and everyone is up in arms. | drawing very offensive things, in my health book. |
20 | 6 | 0.88 | 20 | i literally just started working at a frozen yogurt shop. apparently, there was a mandatory staff meeting yesterday, and an email was sent out about it earlier in the week. however, my only access to the internet is through my phone, because i can no longer afford prices from major telecom providers.
the first email e... | i couldn't afford my phone bill and got fired because i couldn't respond to an email. after trying to explain the situation to my boss, whom i work my ass off for, he decided to stick with his decision. all because i couldn't pay my phone bill. | losing my job because i couldn't respond to an email. |
14 | 3 | 0.71 | 14 | this is a second half a tifu (i'll spare everyone the other). i wanted a wet/dry shop vac for my garage, and bought a bargain one at a liquidator/take-back outlet store. i got it for about half what i would have paid brand new, but part of the deal was that it was as-is and no return. we opened the box and it looked... | it would have been cheaper to have purchased one brand new | not thoroughly checking out my "bargain" buy |
266 | 53 | 0.86 | 266 | okay, new boyfriend, everything is wonderful, i'm at his parent's house with him in the games room and things are getting steamy. the games room is at the back of the house and his parents are in the front room watching tv.
being the young risk takers we are, we start going at it doggy-style on the floor. having requ... | got creampied by my oh, soggy queef of the year follows, parents only a few metres away. | queefing out my first creampie through my trousers. |
8 | 7 | 0.76 | 8 | preface; this happened some time before i heard of /r/tifu (ie not today)
the time of year had once again rolled around for my army cadets unit to go hiking. therefore, off we went for the weekend to the nearest government-owned land, an army base three hours away. i don't really know how big the dang thing is, but ... | op was the first casualty in the dawn of the cacti. | sitting on cacti |
159 | 17 | 0.89 | 159 | this is a more cringeworthy tifu post.today i went clothes shopping. and in my area, many of the clothing stores are staffed by attractive women. so being the male that i am, i didn't mind asking for help and flirting with one particular cashier who had a better eye for fashion. when i finally pick out a few shirts, sh... | told hot 27 year old cashier that my mommy does my clothes shopping. | trying out new jokes |
916 | 173 | 0.92 | 916 | okay, so a little background info: my sister is 14 and is a huge drama queen. she over exaggerates everything and always have. so, today was no different in my book.
she came into my room about 1:00 this morning to talk. we (mostly i) spoke about our feelings towards my parents (divorced, he lives in nyc and she live... | a doctor stuck her finger in my sister's poop chute because my rambling gave her an anxiety attack | not believing my sister |
40 | 12 | 0.8 | 40 | so this happened last night.
me and my bf got some alcohol last night, he got cider and i got wine. i thought it would be fun to get tipsy and have sex, cause its generally pretty fun. well no that didn't happen.
so we were in bed and i've had 5 glasses of wine, feeling the perfect tipsy, i got into my lingerie and m ... | tried to have tipsy sex with my bf, wine had a bad reaction and vomited all over the floor, and learned my bf is actually fucking amazing. | trying to have sex with my bf. |
727 | 57 | 0.94 | 727 | alright. from the title you may think that this is just another fuck up about jerking off after touching peppers. but no. this is worse. also, this fuck up happened last night, but i had to suffer the consequences today.
i recently went to the dermatologist about these bumps on my skin which i thought were eczema. i w... | i accidentally jerked off after applying a skin cream that makes me peel, my dick and balls started peeling, scratched my balls to the point of bleeding. | jerking off (nsfw) |
79 | 27 | 0.93 | 79 | i work as part of it for the department of child support services, and this group is are a lively bunch of individuals.
taking some inspiration [from this post](http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/16hqf0/one_pair_of_googly_eyes_one_trip_to_target/) i asked one of my coworkers to purchase me a package of googly eye... | $1 pack of googly eyes causes $846.85 of damages to state property. | vandalizing my workplace with googly eyes |
12 | 9 | 0.85 | 12 | so, today after dinner at around 8pm myself and my household decided to take a stroll. it started like any other stroll, except tonight we turned right at a particular field rather than going straight ahead. because our dog is a lurcher she loves to run around, so we let her off the leash when we reach an open field fu... | walked my dog a new way, chases pregnant pedigree sheep, and we may be fined if there are any misscarriages. | taking my dog for a walk |
169 | 49 | 0.91 | 169 | so. i work in an hour and a half, and am terribly lazy.
every day, rather than ironing my work uniform, i just toss it into the dryer for a while before getting dressed. today was a day like any other, except that by chance i woke up unusually early. no problem- hop out of bed, usual routine, toss my clothes in the dr... | burned my shaft on a hot zipper, now i have to stand around with a blister and can't adjust all day. | getting dressed for work. |
0 | 9 | 0.41 | 0 | i was texting a girl i like but we are just friends ( i asked her out before but got let down gently) and the conversation went like this:
me: how is your family
her: i hate my family!!!!
i tried to back out but she carried on
her: they r disgusting ppl who want me to die!! which will be soon!!!
me:calm down you ov... | joked to self harmer about boy dumping her, she doesn't appreciate my humour. | telling a joke to crazy |
44 | 12 | 0.74 | 44 | today i fucked up by trusting a fart which was not actually a fart.
fortunately, i was using the urinal at the time, so i was able to quickly switch to the stall, but not before causing irreparable damage to my underwear and pants.
the worst part is, i had to go home, shower, and change, making me late for my son's... | shit my pants; almost missed my son's concert recital. | reset the counter :( |
16 | 14 | 0.68 | 16 | it's the weekend. most people would be off work/school and chilling. me? i went to school today because i was doing some music coursework. i then went shopping afterwards. i left the house at 9:00 (i shouldn't even be awake at that time on a saturday, let alone out of bed). i got back at about 18:00. i'm absolutely shi... | walked out of the bathroom completely naked and my brother's friend saw me in all my nakedness glory. | walking around the house stark naked while my brother's friend was round |
100 | 27 | 0.72 | 100 | yesterday was a succession of fuckups, every individual one being worse than the one before. i've never had a truly ridiculous day, so please bear with me in this journey.
the array of fuckups began a week and two days ago, when my shitgargling asshole of a suitemate maintained a steady parade of people in and out of ... | emergency evacuation mid-flight; subsequent successful touchdown at local landing strip.** | in the name of love. |
608 | 38 | 0.96 | 608 | my professor is an old family friend, so i knew him before this class and had his number from a few years back. my boyfriend happens to have the same name as him. he got a new number today, and before i had it saved as "(his name) <3", so there was never any ambiguity. but, as i obviously don't text or call my profe... | if you're going to send an 'i cant wait to get back in bed with you' text to your so, make damn sure it isn't a close family friend & sending it could potentially ruin his/her career | sending a dirty text to my professor during class |
1,090 | 191 | 0.93 | 1,090 | my sister recently had a baby and isn't able to leave her house very often due to taking care of the baby. so yesterday i decided to be nice and bring over taco bell and alleviate her by holding her baby. that way she could eat in peace. while holding the baby he let go a fart of all farts, or so i thought(sounded like... | baby shit leaked out of the diaper and i mistaked it for meat that fell out of my burrito, then puked. | tasting baby shit. |
41 | 3 | 0.86 | 41 | i was doing some yardwork to help my parents out and had gloves on for most of the time. at the very end when i was done, i had to put some of the ivy and weeds i had chopped in a trash bag and somehow some poison ivy got mixed up in the bunch. i wiped sweat right above my eyes/eyelids and had to readjust by boys becau... | read the title | wiping sweat right above my eyes and grabbing my dick after unknowingly getting poison ivy on my hand |
15 | 3 | 0.87 | 15 | long story short:
we only had cold water in our dorm since a few days so i called the plumber. the night before we had a heavy booze with some friends. so the plumber came over in the morning and i had the hangover of my life, i swear i wanted to die, i just felt so sick.
while he was in the bathroom to fix the water ... | i puked into the toilet while the plumber was in the bathroom. man i feel sorry... | puking into the toilet while the plumber was fixing stuff |
79 | 5 | 0.88 | 79 | this happened a couple years ago when i was still in high school and masturbated a lot ^more ^than ^i ^do ^now.
(note, i was reminded of this incident when i read /u/ejaculator123's [post](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1kgsc7/tifu_by_ejaculating_while_my_dad_hugged_me/).)
it was an ordinary day on spring brea... | i juiced my goose and some juice flew loose onto a blank disk that i gave to my father. | letting my dad borrow a blank cd |
11 | 24 | 0.7 | 11 | i'll try to make this short. i met my best friends sister two days ago, she's incredibly cute but it was his sister so i thought i'd talk to him about it first. he says it's fine hook up, whatever, but then i did, twice, while he was home. he told me to stop but i didn't, i called her and we hooked up a third time. lat... | my penis overthrows my brain and i feel like the hitler of friendships** | two friendships in 24 hours. |
1,829 | 436 | 0.92 | 1,829 | being a horny teenager in the summer who recently discovered the joys of premium porn sites can lead to some very awkward scenarios. this is one of them.
i was watching some of the best shit i'd ever seen (i'm talking brazzers true life hd at 1080p and the like, there's just no going back), when i decided it was time ... | i came. while hugging my dad. while struggling to say "me too" without sounding like an incestuous homosexual. | ejaculating while my dad hugged me. |
7 | 6 | 0.78 | 7 | so the problem was not that i pressed down too hard or even had a piece of glass scratch it or 1 pressure point poke at it, but instead there was a large piece of adhesive glass that i tried to remove that stuck too well to the lcd and brought tension upwards (like peeling a band-aid from your skin) which rendered the ... | don't do delicate things that require precision movement and patience when you're in a angry-getting-over-a-fight mood. | trying to fix my own phone when i was in a bad mood after fighting with my so. not recommended. |
15 | 20 | 0.82 | 15 | throwaway because i'm embarrassed.
so i hadn't run in about 3 weeks. already i fucked up, but i took it to a new level today. out of shape, nervous, anxious, and full of pee, i stepped up to the group of girls preparing for the race. the gun sounds and i know that shit is about to hit the fan. i tried to keep up with... | : ran out of shape, cried, pissed myself. | my cross country tryouts. |
25 | 10 | 0.85 | 25 | so i literally just came back from my last final today. was feeling super prepared and ready to tear up that exam. about nearly half the test already done, my stomach starts acting up and i decide to power thru it and finish the test. initially, i thought it was just another one of those gas cramps. but it soon became ... | shat pants during a final, dont know i passed the class or not.** | taking my final at the wrong time. |
893 | 177 | 0.92 | 893 | i awoke this morning to feel the guy i'm seeing pushing up behind me, indicating it was time for some morning sex.
his a/c wasn't working, so it had become extremely stuffy and hot overnight. i decide to turn the fan on high, and proceed to jump on top. bad idea.
nsfw details aside, while on top of him i begin to fe... | - turned a fan on "high" during sex, air was pumped into my vagina, quieffed a few times, died of laughter, thus causing louder and uncontrollable noises to escape my vagina** | turning on the fan during sex. |
21 | 4 | 0.8 | 21 | i recently softmodded my wii to play gamecube games saved to a flash drive. i was always a fan of [donkey konga](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kghk_abhbdw) and wanted to get the rest of the games. so i downloaded donkey konga 3, which was only released in japan. i loaded the game and was asked (in japanese, of course... | wiped 10 years of gamecube saves due to my inablilty to read japanese. | playing donkey konga 3. |
11 | 8 | 0.7 | 11 | i hate itchy, wiry pubic hairs. having lice in your hair is one thing - but having a constant itch in your pubes? insufferable! so that's why i always make sure to properly groom my pubic hairs - i treat them as if they're my own children, and i gently caress them whenever they want company. surely i'm not the only one... | i accidentally applied gel instead of shampoo to my pubic hairs. now my girlfriend won't go out with me. :'( | accidentally applying gel to my pubic hairs |
71 | 14 | 0.92 | 71 | we've all had those "well, it sounded fine at the time..." moments, and just a few short months ago, the time had come for me to add another rather memorable incident to that list.
i live in an medium sized apartment complex fairly close to my college campus, and my roommate frequently has people over from his frater... | edit: almost got pulverized and by a massive drunken boyfriend thanks to a til.** | casually comparing a stranger's breasts in front of her and her boyfriend. |
1,317 | 143 | 0.92 | 1,317 | it all started innocent enough; i was hanging out with the roommates, smoking, enjoying myself. after getting to what felt like a [7] i got a very unexpected burst of energy. i decided that i was going to be productive.
as i'm standing in my hallway, i'm trying to remember what needs to be done but instead my eyes ke... | had a few marijuanas, yoloed, almost caused a race war | trying to be productive while very very stoned |
0 | 2 | 0.2 | 0 | so my best friend's place needed to have the insulation replaced in their attic. as payment for said job, his mom paid me and my two friends with rammstein pit tickets. so far, awesome.
we go to the concert and it is one of the best concerts any of us have ever been to. they go into mein teil and till is covered in bl... | i threw away a blood covered glove at a rammstein concert that was being worn by till thinking it was a bag of poo. | throwing away a blood-covered glove. |
2 | 0 | 0.75 | 2 | i work on dirt roads and recently we got some precipitation which of course caused the roads to become muddy. with the mud caked all over and in my pickup it started to shake badly at highway speed and so i was trying to take the caps off to see if some of the lugs were loose so i used what i had in my hands, my keys, ... | i f'ed up by bending my truck key and then trying to straighten it. | trying to take the hub caps off my pickup truck. |
0 | 0 | 0.25 | 0 | not so recently, my grandma was put into a personal care home due to a broken hip and both of her daughters just not having the time to be able to care for her as she needs to be. more recently, the pitbull that the couple who run this home has had a litter of puppies. out of the 8, 7 survived and 1 of those is the sec... | i attempted an incognito social experiment to estimate to see how many bronies live in my area and got it blown wide open by way of discussion of video games. | letting my brothers onto an social experiment i was planning. |
12 | 13 | 0.8 | 12 | so it was the later hours and our shift was just about to end when a workmate comes up and asks me if the others are bothering me, and i answer yes since i think he isn't serious... but he was and he started to talk about how much he doesn't like that i get joked around with (witch i'm totally ok with) and how bad the ... | if i look sad at work shit happens | looking sad at work |
15 | 8 | 0.72 | 15 | so last night i was at a guy friend's house. we were drinking a few beers....i was drunk. (he was not drunk, hadn't had as much as me)
i got up to go to the bathroom, thought i just had to pee. once sitting on the toilet i decided i had to poop; being drunk, i thought it was a *great* idea to poo. because the strin... | : flushed a tampon after shitting (at a guy's house); flooded two rooms and caused damage. | flushing a tampon at a guy's house |
0 | 3 | 0.27 | 0 | we know we have all done it in a bit of hurry, put item on top of car, grab it, throw thing in car when done with car hand seat things.
well this time not so much. dropped off the 3.5 year old daughter at mom's house. put said ipad on top of the "crossover man its a cross over" take all pink things, cuz like the ipad ... | daughters tablet on car, drive away; ultimate guilt (probably should post to 1st world problems :) | putting daughters ipad on top of car |
208 | 35 | 0.95 | 208 | so i'm a girl. and today i'm wearing skinny jeans and a lace thong. yes, this does have to do with my fuck up, i'm not just trying to turn you on. so i'm sitting in class with my legs crossed and i somehow get a really bad front wedgie when i stand up from my desk (see, i told you i wasn't turning you on.) so i leave c... | female front wedgie turns into bloody, ripped labia mess. | pulling my pants down |
737 | 292 | 0.92 | 737 | small backstory: i'm in my second year at university, majoring in art. i had an assignment about six weeks ago that i managed to persuade a friend of mine to model for me. she agreed provided that i didn't draw her face. she came over to my house, stripped down and posed for me. it was a complicated piece that was goin... | , i lost a usb drive with nude photos of my friend that i went behind her back to get, and don't know what to do now.** | losing a usb drive with nude photos of a friend |
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