Datasets:

---

derek-thomas

/

processed-bestofredditorupdates

like 0

ERROR: type should be string, got "\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/w8u1vc/i_hurt_my_own_feelings_by_snooping_and_finding/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share\n\nI hurt my own feelings by snooping and finding graphic Grindr chats on my “straight” boyfriends phone\n\nEdit: update is posted for those wondering\n\nHe’s still at work and will be there for 6 more hours so I can’t even confront him. I’m just so hurt I don’t even know how to react. We’ve been dating for 6 years, have a son together, and moved away from all our family to start a life together in a new state…and it’s all for nothing.\n\nI’m just so mad that he would do this to me. He knows that I’m bisexual and super open and understanding. If he thought he was bi or gay he could have said something. We could have carefully calculated a way to split up without hurting our home or our son so he could be happy dating men but he had to be selfish and ruin my life in the process because he wanted to go explore this double life behind my back. Most of the messages stopped after an exchange of Snapchat usernames and I couldn’t see the deleted chats on Snapchat but there was one that had a lot of graphic sexting and nudes exchanged and one of the guys I saw on there was someone I recognized that my boyfriend had introduced as a new friend and he went over to watch movies a few nights. I now have a feeling he’s had sex with some of these men. I don’t even know what to do I’m just so angry and hurt.\n\n\n[UPDATE] I hurt my own feelings by snooping and finding graphic Grindr chats on my “straight” boyfriends phone\nhttps://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/w9pqn0/update_i_hurt_my_own_feelings_by_snooping_and/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share\n\n\n\nSo here is the update I know many were anticipating, although I'll admit it probably isn't as dramatic as many people were hoping for. To preface this update however I'd like to address some questions I've seen in the comments of the last post:\n\n1. \"Why did I have his phone?\" His phone broke and he knows I'm a little nerdy so he gave me the phone to fix (for my fellow nerds- he cracked the backglass on his iphone and damaged the power/flash flex cable so in the panic logs I read that there was no response from thermalmonitord and his phone was power cycling every 2-3 minutes. I guess he didn't expect me to look at his apps?? Idk\n2. wOuLd iT bE DiFfErENt iF iT wErE a WoMaN?\" No you numnuts shit. Cheating in a 6 year relationship is a horrific violation of trust regardless of what's in their pants. I've fucked an entire spectrum of genders in my single years before meeting my ex and identify as bisexual/pansexual myself, I'm not homophobic/biphobic.\n3. \"What's wrong with poly?\" Nothing tbh. It's something I honestly would have been open to. I've even joked with him before about going to the local LGBTQ+ bar and picking up a cute little girlfriend. I've sent him videos on TikTok from one of my favorite creators who is in a poly relationship. I bought a silicone dick to fuck him with. So that's what hurts the most. That he KNEW I was a very loving and accepting partner and yet he still chose to completely destroy our relationship and my ability to trust by cheating on me and lying to me about where he was/who he was with while putting my reproductive health at risk.\n\n​\n\nAnyway onto the \"juicy\" bits. (Not really it's pretty anticlimactic sorry) He came home last night about 3 hours late and was met with the usual \"Hey dear sorry work ran late\" I was stonefaced and responded \"I called \\[coworker\\] and he confirmed that everyone left on time.\" Silence, radio silence. I was sooo angry and enraged, but the hurt and betrayed side of me overpowered and I just broke down and started crying. I screamed \"I saw your phone! I know everything!\" And just sobbed for about 10 minutes while he looked at the floor and shuffled around awkwardly. After I was able to gather myself I let him know that our relationship is irreparable and I'd like him to leave as soon as he is able. I asked if he had sex with any of the men and he confirmed that he had sex with the one he introduced to me and one other. We will need to keep stable for the sake of our son but otherwise I want nothing to do with him again. I reminded him that for 6 years of my youthful life I bore his child and created a home with him as the love of my life and he chose to throw it all away for some dick. I reminded him to be grateful for all I gave him over the years and that he will never have another relationship like this one. Reality sank in for him and he started crying, but I left the room because I honestly didn't want to hear it. \n\nHe's in the beginning stages of looking for a cheap apartment to move into soon and will leave once a lease is signed. I'm glad we're at least mature for now and it will be a clean break. Our separate bank accounts will remain the same and I documented a transfer of 1/2 our savings from his account to mine this morning. We each have our respective vehicles. We agreed that we would have split custody based around work schedules with me as the primary caretaker and we will both document the amount of money he will provide for the continuous care of our son since I will be primary. I'd like to avoid court-ordered custody agreements and child support due to past traumas involving family courts but I let him know that I will not hesitate to take him to court if I need to.\n\nIn the end, I'm just empty and hurt. I'm embarrassed and angry and all the emotions at once. He was genuinely my best friend and I loved the life we had but I refuse to be disrespected and lied to in a relationship so breaking up needed to be done."