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“I was an excellent foil for her,” thought Valancy. “Even then she knew |
that.” |
Valancy had tried to win a prize for attendance in Sunday School once. |
But Olive won it. There were so many Sundays Valancy had to stay home |
because she had colds. She had once tried to “say a piece” in school |
one Friday afternoon and had broken down in it. Olive was a good |
reciter and never got stuck. |
The night she had spent in Port Lawrence with Aunt Isabel when she was |
ten. Byron Stirling was there; from Montreal, twelve years old, |
conceited, clever. At family prayers in the morning Byron had reached |
across and given Valancy’s thin arm such a savage pinch that she |
screamed out with pain. After prayers were over she was summoned to |
Aunt Isabel’s bar of judgment. But when she said Byron had pinched her |
Byron denied it. He said she cried out because the kitten scratched |
her. He said she had put the kitten up on her chair and was playing |
with it when she should have been listening to Uncle David’s prayer. He |
was _believed_. In the Stirling clan the boys were always believed |
before the girls. Valancy was sent home in disgrace because of her |
exceedingly bad behavior during family prayers and she was not asked to |
Aunt Isabel’s again for many moons. |
The time Cousin Betty Stirling was married. Somehow Valancy got wind of |
the fact that Betty was going to ask her to be one of her bridesmaids. |
Valancy was secretly uplifted. It would be a delightful thing to be a |
bridesmaid. And of course she would have to have a new dress for it—a |
pretty new dress—a pink dress. Betty wanted her bridesmaids to dress in |
pink. |
But Betty had never asked her, after all. Valancy couldn’t guess why, |
but long after her secret tears of disappointment had been dried Olive |
told her. Betty, after much consultation and reflection, had decided |
that Valancy was too insignificant—she would “spoil the effect.” That |
was nine years ago. But tonight Valancy caught her breath with the old |
pain and sting of it. |
That day in her eleventh year when her mother had badgered her into |
confessing something she had never done. Valancy had denied it for a |
long time but eventually for peace’ sake she had given in and pleaded |
guilty. Mrs. Frederick was always making people lie by pushing them |
into situations where they _had_ to lie. Then her mother had made her |
kneel down on the parlour floor, between herself and Cousin Stickles, |
and say, “O God, please forgive me for not speaking the truth.” Valancy |
had said it, but as she rose from her knees she muttered. “But, O God, |
_you_ know I did speak the truth.” Valancy had not then heard of |
Galileo but her fate was similar to his. She was punished just as |
severely as if she hadn’t confessed and prayed. |
The winter she went to dancing-school. Uncle James had decreed she |
should go and had paid for her lessons. How she had looked forward to |
it! And how she had hated it! She had never had a voluntary partner. |
The teacher always had to tell some boy to dance with her, and |
generally he had been sulky about it. Yet Valancy was a good dancer, as |
light on her feet as thistledown. Olive, who never lacked eager |
partners, was heavy. |
The affair of the button-string, when she was ten. All the girls in |
school had button-strings. Olive had a very long one with a great many |
beautiful buttons. Valancy had one. Most of the buttons on it were very |
commonplace, but she had six beauties that had come off Grandmother |
Stirling’s wedding-gown—sparkling buttons of gold and glass, much more |
beautiful than any Olive had. Their possession conferred a certain |
distinction on Valancy. She knew every little girl in school envied her |
the exclusive possession of those beautiful buttons. When Olive saw |
them on the button-string she had looked at them narrowly but said |
nothing—then. The next day Aunt Wellington had come to Elm Street and |
told Mrs. Frederick that she thought Olive should have some of those |
buttons—Grandmother Stirling was just as much Wellington’s mother as |
Frederick’s. Mrs. Frederick had agreed amiably. She could not afford to |
fall out with Aunt Wellington. Moreover, the matter was of no |
importance whatever. Aunt Wellington carried off four of the buttons, |
generously leaving two for Valancy. Valancy had torn these from her |
string and flung them on the floor—she had not yet learned that it was |
unladylike to have feelings—and had been sent supperless to bed for the |
exhibition. |
The night of Margaret Blunt’s party. She had made such pathetic efforts |
to be pretty that night. Rob Walker was to be there; and two nights |
before, on the moonlit verandah of Uncle Herbert’s cottage at Mistawis, |
Rob had really seemed attracted to her. At Margaret’s party Rob never |
even asked her to dance—did not notice her at all. She was a |
wallflower, as usual. That, of course, was years ago. People in |
Deerwood had long since given up inviting Valancy to dances. But to |
Valancy its humiliation and disappointment were of the other day. Her |
face burned in the darkness as she recalled herself, sitting there with |
her pitifully crimped, thin hair and the cheeks she had pinched for an |
hour before coming, in an effort to make them red. All that came of it |
was a wild story that Valancy Stirling was rouged at Margaret Blunt’s |
party. In those days in Deerwood that was enough to wreck your |
character forever. It did not wreck Valancy’s, or even damage it. |
People knew _she_ couldn’t be fast if she tried. They only laughed at |
her. |
“I’ve had nothing but a second-hand existence,” decided Valancy. “All |
the great emotions of life have passed me by. I’ve never even had a |
grief. And have I ever really loved anybody? Do I really love Mother? |
No, I don’t. That’s the truth, whether it is disgraceful or not. I |
don’t love her—I’ve never loved her. What’s worse, I don’t even like |
her. So I don’t know anything about any kind of love. My life has been |
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