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In her heart she thought unashamedly:
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“I wish Olive could know that Allan Tierney wanted to paint me. _Me_!
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Little-old-maid-Valancy-Stirling-that-was.”
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Her second wonder-moment came one evening in May. She realised that
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Barney actually liked her. She had always hoped he did, but sometimes
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she had a little, disagreeable, haunting dread that he was just kind
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and nice and chummy out of pity; knowing that she hadn’t long to live
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and determined she should have a good time as long as she did live; but
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away back in his mind rather looking forward to freedom again, with no
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intrusive woman creature in his island fastness and no chattering thing
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beside him in his woodland prowls. She knew he could never love her.
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She did not even want him to. If he loved her he would be unhappy when
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she died—Valancy never flinched from the plain word. No “passing away”
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for her. And she did not want him to be the least unhappy. But neither
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did she want him to be glad—or relieved. She wanted him to like her and
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miss her as a good chum. But she had never been sure until this night
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that he did.
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They had walked over the hills in the sunset. They had the delight of
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discovering a virgin spring in a ferny hollow and had drunk together
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from it out of a birch-bark cup; they had come to an old tumble-down
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rail fence and sat on it for a long time. They didn’t talk much, but
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Valancy had a curious sense of _oneness_. She knew that she couldn’t
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have felt that if he hadn’t liked her.
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“You nice little thing,” said Barney suddenly. “Oh, you nice little
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thing! Sometimes I feel you’re too nice to be real—that I’m just
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dreaming you.”
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“Why can’t I die now—this very minute—when I am so happy!” thought
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Valancy.
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Well, it couldn’t be so very long now. Somehow, Valancy had always felt
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she would live out the year Dr. Trent had allotted. She had not been
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careful—she had never tried to be. But, somehow, she had always counted
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on living out her year. She had not let herself think about it at all.
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But now, sitting here beside Barney, with her hand in his, a sudden
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realisation came to her. She had not had a heart attack for a long
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while—two months at least. The last one she had had was two or three
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nights before Barney was out in the storm. Since then she had not
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remembered she had a heart. Well, no doubt, it betokened the nearness
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of the end. Nature had given up the struggle. There would be no more
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pain.
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“I’m afraid heaven will be very dull after this past year,” thought
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Valancy. “But perhaps one will not remember. Would that be—nice? No,
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no. I don’t want to forget Barney. I’d rather be miserable in heaven
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remembering him than happy forgetting him. And I’ll always remember
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through all eternity—that he really, _really_ liked me.”
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CHAPTER XXXV
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Thirty seconds can be very long sometimes. Long enough to work a
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miracle or a revolution. In thirty seconds life changed wholly for
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Barney and Valancy Snaith.
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They had gone around the lake one June evening in their disappearing
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propeller, fished for an hour in a little creek, left their boat there,
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and walked up through the woods to Port Lawrence two miles away.
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Valancy prowled a bit in the shops and got herself a new pair of
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sensible shoes. Her old pair had suddenly and completely given out, and
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this evening she had been compelled to put on the little fancy pair of
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patent-leather with rather high, slender heels, which she had bought in
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a fit of folly one day in the winter because of their beauty and
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because she wanted to make one foolish, extravagant purchase in her
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life. She sometimes put them on of an evening in the Blue Castle, but
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this was the first time she had worn them outside. She had not found it
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any too easy walking up through the woods in them, and Barney guyed her
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unmercifully about them. But in spite of the inconvenience, Valancy
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secretly rather liked the look of her trim ankles and high instep above
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those pretty, foolish shoes and did not change them in the shop as she
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might have done.
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The sun was hanging low above the pines when they left Port Lawrence.
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To the north of it the woods closed around the town quite suddenly.
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Valancy always had a sense of stepping from one world to another—from
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reality to fairyland—when she went out of Port Lawrence and in a
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twinkling found it shut off behind her by the armies of the pines.
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A mile and a half from Port Lawrence there was a small railroad station
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with a little station-house which at this hour of the day was deserted,
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since no local train was due. Not a soul was in sight when Barney and
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Valancy emerged from the woods. Off to the left a sudden curve in the
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track hid it from view, but over the tree-tops beyond, the long plume
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of smoke betokened the approach of a through train. The rails were
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vibrating to its thunder as Barney stepped across the switch. Valancy
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was a few steps behind him, loitering to gather June-bells along the
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little, winding path. But there was plenty of time to get across before
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the train came. She stepped unconcernedly over the first rail.
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She could never tell how it happened. The ensuing thirty seconds always
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seemed in her recollection like a chaotic nightmare in which she
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endured the agony of a thousand lifetimes.
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