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### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Consider
the
Lobster
and Other
Essays |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: A l s o b y Dav i d F o s t e r Wa l l ac e
Th e B r o o m o f t h e S y s t e m
Girl with Curious Hair
Infinite Jest
A S u p p o s e d ly F u n Th i n g I ’ l l N e v e r D o A g a i n
Brief Interviews with Hideous Men
E v e ry t h i n g a n d M o r e
... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Consider
the
Lobster
and Other
Essays
David Foster Wallace |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: L i t t l e , B r o w n a n d C o m pa n y
N e w Yo r k |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Boston |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Copyright © 2006 by David Foster Wallace
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any
electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publis... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: -7
The following pieces were originally published in edited, heavily edited, or (in at
least one instance) bowdlerized form in the following books and periodicals. N.B.:
In those cases where the fact that the author was writing for a particular organ is
... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: livered as a speech, plus another one where the original article
appeared bipseudonymously and now for odd and hard-to-explain reasons doesn’t
quite work if the “we” and “your correspondents” thing gets singularized, are further tagged with what I think ... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: y Not Enough Has Been
Removed” and *“Authority and American Usage” in Harper’s.
“The View from Mrs. Thompson’s” and *“Up, Simba” in Rolling Stone.
“How Tracy Austin Broke My Heart” in the Philadelphia Enquirer.
*“Consider the Lobster” in Gourmet and The ... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: for Bonnie Nadell |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Contents |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Big Red Son 3
Certainly the End of Something or Other,
One Would Sort of Have to Think 51
Some Remarks on Kafka’s Funniness from Which Probably
Not Enough Has Been Removed 60
Authority and American Usage 66
The View from Mrs. Thompson’s 128
How Tracy Aus... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Consider
the
Lobster
and Other
Essays |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Th e A m e r i c a n A c a d e m y of Emergency Medicine confirms it:
Each year, between one and two dozen adult US males are admitted
to ERs after having castrated themselves. With kitchen tools, usually,
sometimes wire cutters. In answer to the obvious... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ension they could no
longer stand.
It is to the 30+ testosteronically afflicted males whose cases
have been documented in the past two years that your correspondents wish to dedicate this article. And to those tormented souls
considering autocastration i... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: vement in all aspects of main- |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 3 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: stream cinema. These are the Academy Awards. Mainstream cinema
is a major industry in the United States, and so are the Academy
Awards. The AAs’ notorious commercialism and hypocrisy disgust
many of the millions and millions and millions of viewers who t... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: still an art form,
of hearing people in $5,000 gowns invoke lush clichés of surprise
and humility scripted by publicists, etc. — the whole cynical postmodern deal — but we all still seem to watch. To care. Even though
the hypocrisy hurts, even though ope... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: e this enormous unspoken
conspiracy where we all pretend that there’s still joy. That we think
it’s funny when Bob Dole does a Visa ad and Gorbachev shills for
Pizza Hut. That the whole mainstream celebrity culture is rushing to
cash in and all the while... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: or Adult Video News, which is sort of
the Variety of the US porn industry. This thick, beautifully designed
magazine costs $7.95 per issue, is about 80 percent ads, and is clearly
targeted at adult-video retailers. Its circulation is appr. 40,000.
Though... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: icient moneymaking machine than legitimate mainstream
American cinema (the latter’s annual gross commonly estimated at |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 4 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: $2–2.5 billion). The US adult industry is centered in LA’s San Fernando Valley, just over the mountains from Hollywood.1 Some
insiders like to refer to the adult industry as Hollywood’s Evil Twin,
others as the mainstream’s Big Red Son.
It is no accident... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: dult industry pretty much what TV did for pro football.
From the 12/11/97 press release issued by AVN (visitable also at
www.avn.com):
• The nominations for the 15th Annual AVN Awards were announced
today.2 This year’s awards show, commemorating AVN’s 15... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: iewed every new release in every categroy [sic] this past year,
logging over 30,000 sex scenes.3 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 1 One porn production company, Caballero Home Video, has its headquarters in a big |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Van Nuys duplex whose other half is the soundstage for Beverly Hills 90210.
2 The passive mood here’s a bit disingenuous — the release itself is announcing them.
3 At, say, an average of 90 minutes per movie, this means that some person or persons put |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: in 1.4 years of nonstop continuous porn-viewing. Hence your correspondents’ alternative for US males so tortured by carnal desire that they are tempted to autoneuter: Volunteer as a judge for the AVN Awards and spend 1.4 years gazing without rest at the ... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: en just watching the dozen or so “big” or “high-profile” adult releases of the past year — Bad Wives,
Zazel, A Week and a Half in the Life of a Prostitute, Miscreants, New Wave Hookers 5, Seduce &
Destroy, Buttman in Barcelona, Gluteus to the Maximus — f... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: , we all now recoiled as from
a hot flame (which made our party a kind of strange and challenging breakfast gig,
according to our Sunday-AM waitress). |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 5 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: • By comparison, last year there were approximately 375 films eligible for the Academy Awards that these voters [sic — meaning different voters from the AVN voters, presumably] were required to see.
AVN had to watch more than 10 times the amount of relea... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: From the acceptance speech of Mr. Tom Byron, Saturday, 10 January 1998, Caesars Forum ballroom, Caesars Palace Hotel and
Casino complex, Las Vegas NV, upon winning AVN ’s 1998 Male
Performer of the Year Award (and with no little feeling): “I want to
than... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: r, Miscreants?
Jesus, that’s another one where I read the script and said ‘Oh shit, I
am going to go to hell. [Laughter, cheers.] But that’s okay, ’cause
all my friends’ ll be there too! ” [Huge wave of laughter, cheers,
applause.]
From the inter-Award b... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: laughter, scattered groans.] Fuck you.
That’s a great joke. Fuck you.”
Bobby Slayton, a gravelly-voiced Dice Clay knockoff who kept
introducing every female performer as “the woman I’m going to
cut my dick off for,” and who astounded all the marginal pr... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ern
regular. Schimmel looks like a depraved, deeply tan Wallace Shawn
and is no less coarse than B. Slayton but a lot better. He does a pan- |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 6 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: tomime of someone attempting intercourse with a Love Doll he’s
been too lazy to blow up all the way. He contrasts the woeful paucity
of his own ejaculate with the concussive orgasms of certain wellknown male performers,4 comparing these men’s ejaculation... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ped behind
the cash registers of convenience stores, and they are a worldly and
jaded crew indeed, but Schimmel gets a couple of them — whose
noms de guerre are Harold Hecuba and Dick Filth — laughing so
uproariously that people at the Anabolic Video tab... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ay’s climax.
The adult industry is vulgar. Would anyone disagree? One of the
AVN Awards’ categories is “Best Anal Themed Feature”; another is
“Best Overall Marketing Campaign — Company Image.” Irresistible,
a 1983 winner in several categories, has been s... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: olaids. The typical porn director really is
the guy who uses the word class as a noun to mean refinement. The
typical porn starlet really is the lady in Lycra eveningwear with tattoos all down her arms who’s both smoking and chewing gum while
telling jou... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 4 (Mr. Peter North, in particular, delivers what seem more like mortar rounds than bio- |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: emissions.) |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 7 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: whole AVN Awards weekend comprises what Mr. Dick Filth calls an
Irony-Free Zone.
But of course we should keep in mind that vulgar has many dictionary definitions and that only a couple of these have to do w/
lewdness or bad taste. At root, vulgar just me... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: himself in 1995.
Starlets Shauna Grant, Nancy Kelly, Alex Jordan, and Savannah
have all killed themselves in the last decade. Savannah and Jordan
received AVN’s Best New Starlet awards in 1991 and 1992, respectively. Savannah killed herself after getting... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ult
Welfare) runs a 24-hour crisis line for people in the adult industry.
A fundraiser for PAW was held at a Mission Hills CA bowling alley
last November. It was a nude bowling tournament. Dozens of starlets agreed to take part. Two or three hundred adul... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Casino, Showgirls, Bugsy, etc., there are
really three Las Vegases. Binion’s, where the World Series of Poker
is always played, exemplifies the “Old Vegas,” centered around Fremont Street. Las Vegas’s future is even now under late-stage construction at t... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 8 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: more “family-oriented” venues of the kind that De Niro describes
so plangently at the end of Casino.
But Las Vegas as most of us see it, Vegas qua Vegas, comprises the
dozen or so hotels that flank the Strip’s middle. Vegas Populi: the opulent, intricate... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: o seven figures. Harrah’s, Casino Royale (with its big
24-hour Denny’s attached), Flamingo Hilton, Imperial Palace. The
Mirage, with its huge laddered waterfall always lit up. Circus Circus.
Treasure Island, with its intricate facade of decks and rigging... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response:
Showgirls in towering headdress. Sinatra’s sandbox. Most of them
built in the ’50s and ’60s, the era of mob chic and entertainmentcum -industry. Half-hour lines for taxis. Smoking not just allowed
but encouraged. Toupees and convention nametags and wome... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ds to be
nothing but what it is, an enormous machine of exchange — of
spectacle for money, of sensation for money, of money for more
money, of pleasure for whatever be tomorrow’s abstract cost.
Nor let us forget Vegas’s synecdoche and beating heart. It’s... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: aesars Palace
is America conceived as a new kind of Rome: conqueror of its own |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 9 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: people. An empire of Self. It’s breathtaking. The winter’s light rain
makes all the neon bleed. The whole thing is almost too pretty to
stand. There could be no site but Las Vegas’s Caesars for modern
porn’s Awards show — here, the AAVNAs are one more sp... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: he Annual AVN Awards are always scheduled to coincide with the
International Consumer Electronics Show (a.k.a. CES), which this
year runs from 8 through 11 January. The CES is a very big deal. It’s
like a combination convention and talent show for the be... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: erchandising
host a panel on the short-term viability of HDTV. A forum on the
problem of product returns by disgruntled customers seats 1,500
and is SRO. The CES as a whole is bigger than your correspondents’ hometowns. It’s spread out over four differen... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: tendance well over 100,000 every year, is what is called the Adult
Software5 exhibition, despite the fact that the CES itself treats the
Adult tradeshow kind of like the crazy relative in the family and
keeps it way out in what used to be the parking gar... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: winking and nudging and saying “no pun intended” or “as it were” after every possible
off-color entendre, of which there are so many at the AAVNAs that yr. corresps. have
decided to try to leave most of them to the reader’s discretion as matters of perso... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 10 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: an enormous windowless all-cement space that during show hours
manages to induce both agoraphobia and claustrophobia. A big
sign says you have to be 21 to get in. The median age inside is 45,
almost all males, nearly everyone wearing some sort of convent... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: tract
players, exclusive vendors to one particular production company;
and one reason why a lot of the starlets seem kind of tired and
cranky by Saturday night’s Awards gala is that they will have spent
much of the previous 72 hours at their companies’ C... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: y. Male
fans move through the fractal maze of booths in groups of three or
more. Their expressions tend to be those of junior-high boys at a
peephole, an expression that looks pretty surreal on a face with jowls
and no hairline. Some among them are video... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: welve minutes to traverse
the Adult CES expo, counting an average of four delays for getting
lost after a chicane turn or some baroque ceiling-high cheval glass
designed to double the visual exposure of Heatwave Video’s display
for Texas Dildo Masquerade... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: Video starlet in a G-string poses for a
photo, forked dorsally over the knee of a morbidly obese cellphone
retailer from suburban Philadelphia. The guy taking the picture, |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 11 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: whose CES nametag says Hi and that his name is Sherm, addresses
the starlet as “babe” and asks her to readjust so as to “give us a little
more bush down there.” An Elegant Angel starlet with polyresin
wings attached to her back is eating a Milky Way bar ... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: tic tape and disinfectant — and the Sands’ former parking garage is rank with it. Asian
businessmen move through the aisles in dense graceful packs and
are assiduously cheery and polite. A young guy in a full-color
Frankenstein T-shirt is spraypainting c... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: MAXWORLD booth,
where one of his girls is squatting on the countertop masturbating
with the butt of a riding crop. Max’s videos’ promotional posters
have him carrying a girl in minishorts over his shoulder against the
backdrop of various city skylines; t... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: h plaid are smoking
cigars and keep holding their cigars up together and comparing
the ash to see which one has the cleanest burn. A lot of the industry
males and even some of the starlets are also smoking cigars. 1998
is definitely the Year of the Cigar... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 6 St. Croix’s background is that he apprenticed as a mason but then couldn’t get union |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: work. He’s got great dark satanic-looking eyebrows and has won several AVN Awards. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 12 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: BIG RED SON |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: tend to have complexly coiffed hair that looks really good from 20
feet away but on closer inspection is dry and dead. Someone who is
either sometime-performer Jeff Marton or “Bizarro-Sleaze” filmmaker Gregory Dark is doing sleight-of-hand tricks with hi... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: s, during
which yr. corresps. sort of stand there awkwardly at the edge of the
conversation and try to look around as if they too know people
here and are waiting only to spot them in the crowd before they go
off and get into their own involved conversat... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: ghetti-strap gown, chewing gum and blowing large blue bubbles,
is being videotaped by a disabled fan whose camera and parabolic
mike are bolted to the arm of his wheelchair; the starlet is pointing
to the tattoos on her left arm and appears to be explain... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: indy
Crawford — and an oversize monitor suspended from the ceiling
over the Vivid area plays clips of her scantily clad and dancing amid
dry-ice fumes. There’s a berm of boxed videos on the floor by the
counter and a huge man with a visor and handheld cr... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: that everyone at the Adult CES had very long hair and wore black tanktops and iron
crosses, etc.
9 Vivid is one of the industry’s great powers, a company famous for having billboards that
sometimes cause traffic accidents in downtown LA. |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: 13 |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: D AV I D F O S T E R WA L L A C E |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: lost relative. According to Dick Filth, Taylor is both a genuinely
nice person and a consummate pro.
The booth for XPlor Media — a company known for its
“Southern Belles” video series and orgy for world peace
Website — is arresting because all the execs ... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: dildoish things to his skull.
XPlor’s owner-auteurs are two brothers, trust-fund babies from a
Connecticut suburb of NYC. Their names are Farrel and Moffitt
Timlake. Farrel, who wears twelve-hole Doc Martens and cargo
pants and what’s either a very ligh... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: rday’s Awards banquet.10
10 Here, if you’re interested, is D. Filth’s out-loud on-site peripatetic expansion re the |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: camaraderie between XPlor and South Park:
XPlor is a kind of an anomaly type of thing in the porn business. By and large the
industry is still run by these dim grim cigar-smoking numbnutses who’ll just stare
blankly at you if you should ever even like at... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: South Park] and
Farrel [Timlake] became pals [via Parker’s hanging out at XPlor to do research for
his and Matt (Stone, Parker’s partner on South Park)’s Orgazmo, an upcoming movie
about which your correspondents know nothing], XPlor was doing a video s... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: the shoot [?!? But no kidding, according to Filth, who yr. corresps. rather
hope has a good attorney], and, as a goof, Trey and Farrel decide to switch identities, get it? So Trey pretends to direct, doing it in like big drama-queen persona —
“I want mo... |
### Instruction: Write in the style of### Input: DFW### Response: nd Farrel does, did, puts down the notebook and phone
and dis, like, robes and dives right in, which you can understand this completely
freaks out the assembled legit showbiz types [!?], like, they’re like “I can’t believe
the guy from South Park is havi... |
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