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Why not break it up yourself? You could do it in two minutes flat. |
Frankly, J.J., I don't think you got the cards to blitz me. |
I don't? |
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think so... |
I'll listen one more minute. |
Awright, that brings us up to five weeks ago. "Sidney, I got a nasty little problem here." Did I say no? I'm frank to admit it don't jell as fast as we like... But all of a sudden I CAN'T GET YOU ON THE PHONE NO MORE! WHY?... And why, as of this date, am I frozen out of the column... |
Are you finished? |
No, lemme finish. I DON'T LIKE THIS JOB! That boy is dumb only on matinee days otherwise he's got a head. And Susan, like you said, she's growing up. Two heads. What I mean, we got a slippery, dangerous problem here! |
Not "we", Sidney, you! |
Correct me if I'm wrong WE! Because when I'm out on this very slippery limb for you, you have to know what's involved. |
Ha! My right hand hasn't seen my left hand for thirty years! |
I'll do it, J.J. don't get me wrong in for a penny, in for a pound. I'll see it through, but stop beating me around the head. Let me make a living! |
What you promised do it! Don't finagle around. It's later than you think. |
Uh huh. |
When? |
Tonight. Before you go to bed. The cat is in the bag and the bag is in the river. |
J.J., I want you to get them back their job, Steve and the Quintet. |
You mean they've been fired already, on the basis of this crude smear? |
I know Steve. No. |
Then maybe you can tell me if he's as solid as you say, why does he rap me every chance he gets? |
Well, what have I got? Alimony to a pair of tramps? They're of no concern to me. It's you who count, but don't get me wrong I don't intend to let you break your neck again! |
J.J., you said you want to help me prove it! |
How? |
Get Steve back his job...please... |
He means that much to you...? |
Yes. With your "prestige" it only takes a minute ten cents worth of American Tel and Tel. |
You're picking up my lingo, hon. |
I read your column every day... |
Susie, I like this new attitude of yours. You're growing up and I like it! I don't like it when you're limp and dependent, when you're odd and wayward. This gives you a chance for real survival in a very lousy world. Because, don't forget, dear, you won't always have me with you, will you...? |
No, I won't... |
I'm not sure I can reach him in time. |
Sure you can if you want to, and I know you'll want to... By the way, what's your beef against little Sidney? |
I got that boy coming over here. What's so funny? |
With a pocket fulla firecrackers good. |
I think you loused this up but good. If I can trust my eyes, and I think I can, Susie knows all about your dirty work. |
Can't hurt... |
Can't hurt? I had to get him back his job. |
I like that, too. Look, J.J., we can wrap this up in one neat bundle, addressed to the dumps to oblivion. We're going great, but please play it my way. I cased this kid. Know his ins and outs...He's fulla juice and vinegar, just begging for some big shot like you to give him a squeeze. Do little Sidney a favor: squeeze! You know, J.J. the porcupine bit needles. |
But it's too late. I got him back the job... |
No, that's the point he won't accept your favor! The manager yes, but not the boy. |
Well he's got her in a tizzy, I'll tell you that! |
Sure, he steams her up wants her to stand on her own two feet and all that jazz! |
And who's feet is she on now? |
Presumably yours... That's according to St. Dallas. |
What's this boy got that Susie likes? |
Integrity acute, like indigestion. |
What does that mean integrity? |
A pocket fulla firecrackers looking for a match! It's a new wrinkle to tell the truth... I never thought I'd make a killing on some guy's "integrity". |
Full of beans, ain't you? But you know that you'll stand or fall by what you're doing now... |
Calculated risk. Only we happen to know, J.J., that you like me. I'm your star pupil I reflect back to you your own talent. |
Let's forget cats and dogs and other pseudoliterary remarks I'll just lay it on the line! What about that big rumpus in my office today? You were there, Frank! Where, according to St. Dallas, J.J. was responsible for the Elwell smear! |
Don't go wild, Sidney. |
Wild? Take a look at them and see who's wild... |
What are you so chipper about? If I put a cross on every one of your mistakes, you'd look like a graveyard! |
But not for anything I did today... |
Sidney, I know human nature. Susie lied to me she'll see that boy again. |
Are you listening? |
How does it matter who's sister? The main thing, they're through and |
Why do something that would drive them right back into each other's arms? Not to mention that this time Susie would know who shot the arrow... |
She knows now. |
Why give her real proof? You nearly ruined her with her first husband and you were right, J.J., but she almost followed him out the window. What do you want a chronic invalid? |
J.J., it's one thing to wear your dog collar...but when it gets to be a noose...I'd rather have my freedom. |
The man in jail is always for freedom. |
Sidney, I told you |
J.J., I swear to you on my mother's life, I won't do it. If you gave me your COLUMN I wouldn't do a thing like that... |
I was trying to build her up, not tear her down |
Is that why you were romancing her, you mutt! Let's call it quits, my dear. I'd like it fine if you found another home. That means the front door is open! Pack your things, rent a moving van and GIT! And as for marriage, let me hit you with a few choice facts: you aren't ready for marriage! You're incompetent a capricious and shaky frail with a sick fatality for frail and useless men! |
Talk to her, Sidney... |
Talk to her yourself... |
Listen with care this will cost me everything, so you know I'm telling you the truth! |
You're incapable of the truth... |
Susie, there's nothing wrong with Dallas! Your brother and I arranged it all. And if the Leslie boy is still a squooshy item in your life, forget it! your brother arranged that one, too! I don't usually give away presents; but this is my gift to you: Get out of here! Leave this man! |
Hello, Harry. |
Bonna sera, commendatore. Come sta? |
I just checked "downtown". Quiet everywhere tonight. |
Incidentally, what happened to that doll? You gave me the item last night. Still alive? |
Yeah. At Bellevue. Still hanging on. But they still don't know if she was pushed. |
She mighta jumped. Love suicide? Check it for me, Phil...it's a real heart throb. |
Say hello to Sidney Falco. Tickle him he's been a bad boy tonight. He called you my fat friend. |
I don't believe it. |
Say, that's good it's nice in fact, it's APT, Harry! |
Yeah, I got eyes. I put things together. |
I remember ONCE when you didn't quite "put things together". Boy! Was the Mayor mad! |
Err...the Supreme Court story, I was telling you Justice Black. |
Yes, the Justice, that's right. But I think you had it in the column. |
And I believe that's precisely where I read it, too. You see, J.J., where I get my reputation for being the bestinformed man in Washington. |
Now don't kid a kidder. |
Now, come, J.J., that's a little too harsh. Anyone seems fair game for you tonight. |
This man is not for you, Harvey, and you shouldn't be seen with him in public. Because that's another part of a press agents life he digs up scandal among prominent men and shovels it thin among the columnists who give him space. |
There is some allusion here that escapes me... |
We're friends, Harvey we go as far back as when you were a fresh kid Congressman, don't we? |
Why does everything you say sound like a threat? |
Susie, you're very much in my thoughts today. |
Why? |
What a question, dear, with that newspaper in your hand... |
Did Sidney tell you about it? |
Yes, he phoned. I don't know this boy too well. Anything in these charges? |
Not being partial, are you? |
No, I'm not. I'm not! |
Why are you trembling, dear...? |
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