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CriticalRoleTranscripts

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SAM: So it’s revenge, then.
ASHLY: Yeah.
MARISHA: If Shadycreek Run is full of a bunch of
criminals, and you said you lived there for a
while, what were you doing there?
ASHLY: It’s not important.
MARISHA: Well that’s pretty clear.
ASHLY: No one there did anything nice. Okay? So
fucking imagine something shitty, and I probably
did it, okay? I’m not proud of it! I’m trying to
turn a new leaf, as it were.
SAM: I just imagined some crazy shit.
(laughter)
MARISHA: It’s like a horror film. The more you
leave it up to your imagination, the worse it is.
TALIESIN: I’m not one to interrogate someone’s
past. Information’s information. We could use some help.
ASHLY: If you want my aid, I know that place like
the back of my hand. I need some kind of assurance
that when we find these motherfuckers you’re not
just going to grab your friends and run. Because
I’m going to need some backup if I’m going to take
them out.
MARISHA: How about equal assurance that you don’t
fuck us over?
TALIESIN: You could also hire us.
ASHLY: Hire you?
TALIESIN: 20 gold.
ASHLY: You just gave me 20 gold.
TALIESIN: Yes, that’s how I know you can afford
us.
(laughter)
ASHLY: 20 gold, all told?
TALIESIN: And we split whatever we find.
MARISHA: And you don’t fuck us, and we don’t fuck
you. Unless, like… you know…
TALIESIN: You pay at the end of the deal.
ASHLY: All right, deal.
MARISHA: It’s been a while.
SAM: You’re confident that you can lead us to
these Shepherds.
ASHLY: I’ve been tracking them for a while.
LIAM: You know, we are, some of us, a
self-deprecating lot. We have some skill between
the four of us, but it would help a lot to know
what kind of people– not just assholes; we are
assholes– what kind of assholes we are talking
about.
ASHLY: Sorcerers. Barbarians. There’s a little
shit that’s a rogue.
SAM: How many of them are there?
ASHLY: There’s five.
SAM: Hey, we’re five!
ASHLY: Yeah, kind of. We’re probably a good three
and a half, if we’re being honest.
SAM: Don’t put yourself down like that. I’m sure
you can hold your own.
ASHLY: I’m talking about you mostly, sweet cheeks.
There’s five.