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# MARGARET LAURENCE
For Judith
# MARGARET LAURENCE
# The Making of a Writer
# Donez Xiques
Copyright © Donez Xiques, 2005
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Designer: Jennifer Scott
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Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication
Xiques, Donez
Margaret Laurence : the making of a writer / Donez Xiques.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 1-55002-579-1
1. Laurence, Margaret, 1926-1987. 2. Novelists, Canadian
(English)--20th century--Biography. I. Title.
PS8523.A86Z994 2005 C813'.54 C2005-904877-8
1 2 3 4 5 09 08 07 06 05
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BOOKS BY
MARGARET LAURENCE
FICTION
This Side Jordan (1960)
The Tomorrow-Tamer (1963)
The Stone Angel (1964)
A Jest of God (1966)
The Fire-Dwellers (1969)
A Bird in the House (1970)
The Diviners (1974)
NON-FICTION
The Prophet's Camel Bell (1963)
Long Drums and Cannons: Nigerian Dramatists and Novelists (1968)
Heart of a Stranger (1976)
Dance on the Earth (1989)
FICTION FOR YOUNG ADULTS
Jason's Quest (1970)
Six Darn Cows (1979)
The Olden Days Coat (1979)
The Christmas Birthday Story (1980)
TRANSLATIONS
A Tree for Poverty: Somali Poetry and Prose (1954)
## TABLE OF CONTENTS
PREFACE
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
CHAPTER ONE: Landscape of the Heart
CHAPTER TWO: A Bird in the House
CHAPTER THREE: The Magic of Writing
CHAPTER FOUR: Hitler in Manitoba: The High School Years
CHAPTER FIVE: The College Years
CHAPTER SIX: Journalism
CHAPTER SEVEN: New Territory
CHAPTER EIGHT: Heart of a Stranger
CHAPTER NINE: Stolen Time
CHAPTER TEN: Uncertain Alchemy
INTRODUCTION TO APPENDICES:
Three Stories by Margaret Laurence
APPENDIX A: Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah
APPENDIX B: A Fable — For the Whaling Fleets
APPENDIX C: A Queen in Thebes
PERMISSIONS
NOTES
SELECTED BIBLIOGRAPHY
INDEX
## PREFACE
Margaret Laurence in Africa. The phrase is unfamiliar; yet it was _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , a remarkable travel memoir recounting a two-year residence in East Africa, that first brought Laurence's writing to my attention the year after her death at the age of sixty. I was spending the summer of 1988 in Canada, but I had never met Laurence and was then unaware of her passing and of her enormous impact on Canadian letters during the mid-twentieth century.
I found the narrative voice in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ remarkable, and then began researching her subsequent five-year sojourn in the Gold Coast (Ghana). Eager for more of her writing, I read _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_ , a collection of ten stories with West African settings and characters. It was only after these "African" works that I read her "Manawaka" fiction — books with Canadian characters and settings.
Over time my engagement with Margaret Laurence's books led me to ask: how did this woman, born Peggy Wemyss in the Canadian prairies in 1926 and raised there during the years of the Great Depression, become such an accomplished professional writer? It was the trajectory of Margaret Laurence's apprenticeship that I wanted to discover, for it was her writing that drew me, and for which she will be remembered.
In search of clues about the period of her apprenticeship, I embarked on my research. At that time other scholars had published analyses of her major fiction, but little attention had been paid to her beginnings. I was fortunate in my quest, because I was able to locate and interview more than one hundred people who had known her (former teachers, classmates, neighbours, and professional associates), and who were scattered across Canada from Vancouver to Winnipeg, Toronto, Montreal, and Nova Scotia, as well as those living in England and Scotland. These interviews, augmented by extensive archival research in North America and England, form the background of this study and made it possible to chart the course of Margaret Laurence's development as a writer, one of the most important of her generation. I wanted as much as possible to narrate the story of that development from her perspective — and from a time when she had no idea what the future might hold or what results her efforts to become a writer might yield.
The notion of following Margaret Laurence at the peak of her career was less interesting to me than tracing the path of her literary growth. She was an ambitious young woman, who, after graduating from college, worked as a journalist, married, and then set out to accompany her husband during his quest for challenging engineering work in remote areas. While doing so, she found her literary voice in the high desert plateau of the British Somaliland Protectorate and in the semi-tropical regions of the African Gold Coast. This young woman, who lived abroad as Peggy Laurence, returned to Canada, where she became, as Margaret Laurence, one of the most respected and beloved writers of her day.
In tracing her experiences as a young writer during the months following her graduation from college, I read more than a hundred columns that carried her byline in two Winnipeg newspapers. Although material exists from that period and from her school years, as it sometimes does for other writers, we might not have known much about the many years of her slow apprenticeship prior to her literary successes had it not been for her voluminous correspondence while abroad. Hundreds of letters provide information about this period and supplement the information in her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_. There are letters to her literary agent, and to editors at three major publishing houses: McClelland & Stewart, Canada; Macmillan, London; and Alfred A. Knopf, New York. In addition, there is an extensive and unique body of correspondence with another Manitoban, Adele Wiseman, who became a lifelong friend and a significant author in her own right.
These letters make clear that Margaret Laurence's efforts to develop her talent as a writer extended over a long period, even though interviews much later in her life tend to convey the impression that her writing was "inspired," a concept that she seemed to endorse.
The Margaret Laurence who emerged from my research is not the middle-aged woman who is shown casually walking to the post office in the National Film Board's presentation _First Lady of Manawaka_ , nor is she the woman, whom some people recall, anxiously arriving hours ahead of time for appointments and cautiously waiting for a light to change before crossing a street. I discovered rather the younger writer who slept in the back of a Land Rover in the desert plateau of Somalia while accompanying her husband as he directed a project to make water available to the semi-nomadic herdsmen and their camels. Margaret Laurence in her twenties was intrepid and eager for adventure. She endured sandstorms, sudden _kharif_ winds, and monsoon rains. She sat around campfires under the stunning African night sky, undertook a study of the Koran, learned to drive, and was cool-headed in emergencies. More importantly, Laurence was also a singularly dedicated writer, with perseverance and strong determination, who worked assiduously to develop her literary talents.
In presenting this study of Margaret Laurence's apprenticeship years, I put forward a portrait of an ambitious writer, who time and again ripped up pages of manuscript when her novels were not working out well. Here is a writer, weary of rejection slips, pouring out her insecurities and anger in letters to her good friend Adele Wiseman. Here is the younger Laurence, sparring on the page with her publisher Jack McClelland and prodding her agent to secure a contract for a collection of her short stories.
Others will write of Margaret Laurence's decency as a human being, of her great compassion, of her attentive listening as she encouraged fellow writers, and of her personal failings. She drank heavily in her later years, but that was a private matter, known to friends and family; it was not manifest outside the private sphere. Conscious of her own shortcomings, Margaret Laurence struggled with feelings of guilt during most of her adult years. And she never resolved the tensions that arose from being a writer, a wife, and a mother. Overcoming a natural shyness, she would speak out against injustice and the evils of the nuclear arms race. Taking time from her own work, she would reply to letters from children and petitioners. Writing was the air she breathed, and it is difficult for us, as readers, to fully grasp the agony Margaret Laurence suffered when she felt that gift had been taken from her. She was ambitious but not self-centred, and if, in her later years, she could be stubborn and impatient, that was chiefly the result of principle, feelings of anxiety, or the sense of a moral imperative.
Today, the forms of biography are undergoing change and experimentation. As a result, I believe it is important to clarify my own approach to narrating the story of Margaret Laurence's literary apprenticeship. Much of the evidence in this book, documented from various archives, contemporary newspapers, and the many interviews I conducted, has not been used by previous biographers. Those studies have not focused exclusively on telling the remarkable story of Margaret Laurence's efforts to develop her voice as a writer and of her dedication to the craft of writing, as this one does. I have not appropriated scenes or characters from Laurence's novels. I do not attempt to construct the story of her life from the fragments of her fiction, as if that were some sort of semi-transparent account of her personal life. Although it is a truism that all literature is in some sense autobiographical, in my opinion, searching for a one-to-one correspondence is merely a distraction. I believe that with creative people, such as artists, writers, and composers, the source of their creativity, whether inspired by real events or persons, frequently transcends and transforms any purely personal material.
As my endnotes demonstrate, a decade has passed since I first embarked on this work. Nevertheless, my interest in Margaret Laurence has not abated. I hope this story of her growth and development as a writer, told as much as possible from her perspective and not from hindsight, will lead more readers to her books and serve to encourage a new generation of writers.
Donez Xiques
## ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
This book is the result of many years of research and travel, during which I have been privileged to meet and be welcomed by numerous people. I am grateful to all, and, in particular, to the following individuals, for interviews and conversations: Chinua Achebe; Mary Adachi; Madge (Hetherington) Allen; Ruby Amor; William Atkinson; Margaret Atwood; Douglas Barnaby; A.G. Bedford; John Bell; Dan and Audrey Billings; Joanne (Blondal) Bishoprick; Jeanette (Grosney) Black; Ken Black; Kay Bolton; Remi Bouchard; Laura Bowman; Dorothy (Batchelor) Brown; Ann Cameron; Robert Carter; Greta Coger; Doreen and Neil Cohen; Max Cohen; Jean Murray Cole; Gerald and Marie Colwell; Jack Coutts; Jane Cushman; Jan De Bruyn; Jessie-Marie Deplissey; Miriam Wiseman Distler; Mary McAlpine Dobbs; Kay (Mrs. George) Douglas; Shirley Douglas; Gordon Elliott; Marjory (Osborn) English; Timothy Findley; Rev.Charles Forsyth; Noreen Foster; Doris (Peterson) Franklin; Ursula Franklin; Joyce Friesen; Margaret Fulton; Priscilla Galloway; Rosemary Ganley; Jean Gartlan; Rev. Mark Gibson; Kenneth Goldstein; Dorothy Goresky; Eileen (Goodrich) Graham; Bea Guinn; Anne (Mrs. Robert) Hallstead; Ann (Phelps) Hamilton; Vern Hamilton; John Handford; Robert Harlow; Rev. Phillip Hewett; Alan Hockin; Jack Hodgins; Don C. Humphrey; Margaret Hutchison; Percy Janes; Hans Jewinski; Doris (Blondal) Johnson; Nadine Asante Jones; Frances (Bolton) Jones; Judith Jones; Jim Julius; John Kerr; G.D. Killam; Hilda Kirkwood; Kate and Kim Krenz; Louise (Alguire) Kubik; Christine Kurata; Nick Lalani; Dorothy Lawson of the Bowen Island Historians; Dorothie (Neil) Lindquist; Jack (John Fergus) Laurence; Karen Laurence; Peggy (Mrs. Robert) Laurence; Robin Laurence; Delza Lakey Longman; Helen Lucas; Jack Ludwig; Nonie Lyon; Charles Meighen, QC; Alan Maclean; Lino Magagna; Patricia Morley; Margaret (Main) Schoenberg; John Marshall; Joyce Marshall; Wes McAmmond; Jack McClelland; Carol McIver McConnell; William McConnell; Senator Heath Macquarrie; Capt. M.R. Miller; Patricia Morley; Alice Munro; Mildred Musgrove; Rev. Bruce Mutch; Brenda Neill; William H. New; Rev. Jack Patterson; Roland Penner; Elizabeth Pennie; Harry Penny; Muriel (Laurence) Peterson; Eric Pettit; John S. Pink; Cecil Pittman; Helen Porter; Al Purdy; Laurie Ricou; François Ricard; Earl Robinson; Anne Ross; Julie Ross; Malcolm Ross; Jane Rule; Enid Rutland; Said S. Samatar; Doris Saunders; Rev. Thomas Saunders; Rev. David Shearman; Fred and June Schulof; Norman Seymour; Shirley (Lev) Sharzer; Annabel Smith; Meg Stainsby; Helen (Warkentin) Stanley; Walter Swayze; Connie (Offen) Sword and J.H. Sword; Eve and René Temple; Mary Thomson; Shelia Thompson; Leona Thwaites; Ivan Traill; Margaret Tunney; Mary (Mindus) Turnbull; Steven Turtell; Alan Twigg; Evelyn Vivian; Frauke Voss; Miriam Waddington; Laurence Wall; Rev. Ron Ward; J.A. Wainwright; Robert Weaver; Michael Welton; Pat (Mrs. Robert) Wemyss; William F. Whitehead; Marjory Whitelaw; Leone Wilcox; Alice Olsen Williams; Budge Wilson; Jean (Kerr) Williams; Lois (Freeman) Wilson; Michael Wilson; Adele Wiseman; Peggy Woods; J.C. Woodbury; Dorothy (Beales) Wyman and Rev. Harold Wyman; David Zieroth.
I am grateful to Jocelyn Laurence and David Laurence for their interest in this project. They granted permission to quote from Margaret Laurence's books and letters, and generously allowed access to various archives that contained relevant material.
I wish to extend very special thanks to the following persons who gave me valuable information and comments: Asabea Acquaah-Harrison; B.W. (Goosh) Andrzejewski and his wife, Sheila; Silver Donald Cameron; Victoria Ofosu-Appiah; Connie Offen Sword and the late Jack Sword; Clara Thomas; and Marjory Whitelaw. I am also grateful to the following members of the Anglo-Somali Society, who knew the Laurences in the British Somaliland Protectorate and shared their recollections with me in the early 1990s: C.R.V. Bell, OBE; J.J. Lawrie; Michael Wilson; and especially C.J. ("Bob") Martin, whose hospitality, interest, and unfailing kindness were of great assistance. In addition, I extend thanks to many citizens of Neepawa and the several presidents of the Margaret Laurence Home Committee, particularly Dorothy Campbell Henderson, whose assistance and enthusiasm have been invaluable over the years.
It is a pleasure to thank Clara Thomas ( _Margaret Laurence_ , and _The Manawaka World of Margaret Laurence_ ), Margaret Laurence's first biographer, who has written extensively on her work and who encouraged my research into Laurence's early career. I am also indebted to the following scholars, whose work is significant for all subsequent Laurence biographers: John Lennox, editor of _Margaret Laurence — Al Purdy : A Friendship in Letters_ ; John Lennox and Ruth Panofsky, editors of _Selected Letters of Margaret Laurence and Adele Wiseman;_ Patricia Morley for _Margaret Laurence: The Long Journey Home;_ Susan J. Warwick, who compiled the first comprehensive annotated bibliography of Margaret Laurence's work; and to J.A. Wainwright for _A Very Large Soul_ , an important edition of Margaret Laurence's letters to selected Canadian writers. Although two biographies of Margaret Laurence have been published in the past decade, my own research was completed prior to those publications. In addition, this book provides a unique focus, in that it presents a detailed examination of the significant years of Laurence's early literary development.
I have been fortunate to have access to relevant holdings in the following libraries and am grateful to all there who gave assistance, especially to: the National Archives of Canada (Anne Goddard); the National Library of Canada; Columbia University Library; Dalhousie University; Georgetown University Library; the Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center (Cathy Henderson); William Ready Division of Archives at McMaster University (Carl Spadoni); the Provincial Archives of Manitoba; the Provincial Archives of Nova Scotia; the Public Records Office, Kew, England; Queen's University Library, Kingston; the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture; the University of British Columbia (George Brandak, Chris Hives); the University of Calgary (Apollonia L. Steele); the University College of Cape Breton; the Thomas Fisher Rare Book Library of the University of Toronto; the University of Trent (John Wadland); the University of Waterloo; York University (Barbara Craig, Suzanne Dubeau, Phyllis Platnick, the late Kent Haworth); the Library of Congress, Washington, D.C. My thanks also to Sally Keefe-Cohen of Marian Hebb and Associate; Jane Buss of the Writers' Federation of Nova Scotia; and to the staffs of the _Vancouver Sun;_ the _Winnipeg Free Press_ , and the _Neepawa Press_.
I acknowledge and appreciate the interest and assistance of: Shareen B. Brysac; Barbara Heyman; Park Honan; Stuart Hughes; Jennifer Longobardi; Lindsey Petersheim; Mhari Mackintosh; Barbara McManus; Victoria Ridout; Marilyn Rose; Joan Johnston; David Stouck; Lewis St. George Stubbs; and Robert Thacker. I appreciate as well the interest shown by the chairs of the English department at Brooklyn College of the City University of New York over the past decade.
I wish to thank in particular the following persons who read and commented on all or part of various versions of this book: Janet Baker, Kathy Chamberlain, Mona Spratt Meredith, Elizabeth Peirce, Jack Pink, Dorothy Coutts Shields, Connie Offen Sword, and Budge Wilson. I appreciate the careful attention and comments of my editor, Patricia Kennedy, as well as the assistance of my editor at Dundurn, Barry Jowett.
As a participant in the following groups, I wish to express my gratitude: to Ken Silverman and the members of the New York University Biography Group and to the members of the Women Writing Women's Lives Seminar in New York City.
The assistance and interest of the following Canadian booksellers is acknowledged with gratitude and pleasure: Hugh Anson-Cartright, David Mason, Richard Spoffard, and Steven Temple.
This work would not have been completed without the invaluable assistance of Steven Siebert of Nota Bene, and grants from the following: the Canadian Embassy; the Fulbright Foundation; the Professional Staff Congress of the City University of New York; and Wolfe Institute of Brooklyn College.
Finally, I am indebted to: Sandra Barry, Julia Hirsch, Robert Viscusi, Judith Walter, and my sisters, Nadine Yurko and Adrienne Caldwell. I am deeply grateful to Beth Bruder of the Dundurn Group, and to Julie P. Gardinier, and Robert E. Svenson for their insights and personal support. This project would not have been completed without them. I owe a special debt of gratitude to my partner, Judith Chelius Stark, for her encouragement, generous help, and steady good humour during the long process of completing _Margaret Laurence: The Making of a Writer_.
### CHAPTER ONE
### Landscape of the Heart
#### SEPTEMBER 1986
PETERBOROUGH, ONTARIO
The elevator door opened quietly on the third floor as the wail of a siren pierced the September air and an ambulance quickly turned into the drive below. Margaret Laurence's friend Joan Johnston stepped from the elevator and walked down the corridor of St. Joseph's Hospital, Peterborough. A smile crossed her anxious face when she heard the steady clackety-clack of a typewriter growing louder as she passed the nurses' station and approached the door of Room 351.
"Margaret, how are you?"
The writer paused. "Hello, Kiddo."
Across the bedsheets, Margaret Laurence had spread out the photographs that she planned to use in her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_.
To the friends and family of this distinguished Canadian writer, it seemed unbelievable that, at the age of sixty, Margaret, a robust and independent woman, was terminally ill with cancer. The trajectory of her literary career had brought Margaret Laurence two Governor General's Awards. She had written a landmark translation of Somali tales and poems, important fiction and non-fiction about Africa, several children's books, a collection of essays, and a memorable group of novels set in Canada — a total of sixteen books.
Now, in St. Joseph's Hospital, Joan Johnston set down her packages and moved to admire the photos that were spread out across the sheets. The two women talked over the details of Margaret's memoirs, and chuckled together as she recounted an incident from that morning. Margaret still had a quirky sense of humour, but her hearty laugh was muffled, because the pain in her chest had become severe.
Later, as Joan walked from the hospital into the afternoon sunshine towards her car, an anxious look settled again on her face. She wondered whether Margaret Laurence would be able to finish writing her memoirs.
In a matter of days, the typing in Room 351 stopped. The task was too difficult. Although Margaret wanted so much to complete the book, she no longer had the strength to type. Joan Johnston offered a solution. If Margaret could dictate the rest of her memoirs into a tape recorder, Joan would type them up. That plan was put into action after Margaret was discharged and returned to her home in Lakefield, Ontario. At first things went well, and she was pleased to focus once more on her writing; but within a short time even that effort became too taxing. As the cancer took its toll and Margaret Laurence realized there would be no cure, she confided one day to Budge Wilson, fellow writer and friend, "Oh, Budge, I'm going to miss the fun things."
Margaret Laurence was worried that she would not be able to complete the revisions. Nevertheless, she managed to make frequent entries in a very personal journal that she had begun earlier that summer at the urging of her close friend Professor Clara Thomas.
Although at first glance Margaret Laurence seemed to be hardy, she had not been in good health for a number of years. In the 1970s she had been diagnosed with diabetes. In the 1980s issues with her eyesight necessitated cataract surgery. Furthermore, she had suffered from bouts of carpal tunnel syndrome, exacerbated by typing, and may also have suffered long-term health issues from taking diet pills years before.
As the summer days gave way to autumn, Margaret's strength diminished and the pain increased, although her voice remained strong over the telephone, concealing that pain from friends and family. She had always been very independent, but now, despite the urgency she felt to complete her memoirs, Margaret found it tiring even to use the tape recorder. Nevertheless, as her friend Joan transcribed the audiotapes, Margaret made the effort to edit them. Writing was then, as it always had been, Margaret's life-support system. Joan Johnston was eager to assist, but she continued to worry, thinking that, if Margaret's writing stopped, her life might end as well. After the publication of _The Diviners_ in 1974, Laurence had struggled with several drafts of a new novel, but she was not satisfied with its progress and seemed unable to wrestle the new material into shape. Now, Margaret herself felt that her work as a writer was completed. She told friends and family that she had completed what she "had been given" to write.
As the weeks passed, her physical condition rapidly worsened. Margaret was weak and in more pain than others realized. Her health was further compromised in early December when she fell and broke a leg. The fracture necessitated wearing a heavy cast that extended along the leg to well above her knee. The need to use crutches complicated matters, and Margaret became increasingly dependent on family and friends for daily care. However, she worried about being a burden to others, and remembered all too well her beloved stepmother's lengthy illness from cancer in 1957, when Margaret herself had been about the same age as her daughter, Jocelyn, now was. Margaret was very reluctant to have Jocelyn and her brother, David, endure what she had experienced at her stepmother's death many years earlier.
At that time, Margaret had returned to Canada in haste with her two young children from Africa's Gold Coast, where her husband was completing an engineering project, in order to be with her stepmother, whom she always called Mum, and who was dying in Vancouver. As the months passed and Mum grew weaker, experiencing intense pain, Margaret's anguish and worry increased. Nine long months after Margaret's return to Canada, Mum died in September 1957.
Now, as Margaret realized her own condition was terminal and would only worsen, she gradually came to the decision to end her own life. That decision was exceedingly difficult, and she struggled with it over a period of several months as she pondered, prayed, and sought counsel. As November and December passed, she did manage to edit the third draft of her memoirs. Then, on the morning of January 5, 1987, Margaret Laurence took an overdose of pills and died in her home on Regent Street in Lakefield, Ontario, where she had lived for the past twelve years. Her pen lay on the table nearby, where it had fallen from her hand and now rested beside her journal. Margaret had composed a message to her children and loved ones. To the very end, she had been writing.
As the news of Margaret Laurence's death reached the public, tributes to one of Canada's most loved writers began to pour in over radio, on television, and even from parliament in Ottawa. Her friend, the poet Al Purdy, in his poem "To Margaret," has captured the effect that she had on her friends. He wrote:
..........
remembering how alive
she lit up the rooms she occupied
like flowers do sometimes and the sun always
in a way visible only to friends
and she had nothing else.
After her funeral in Lakefield, hundreds of mourners attended a public memorial service at Bloor Street United Church in Toronto. Memorials were held in other provinces, too — gestures of respect for this woman from the prairies whose books had touched so many and whose generosity to fellow writers had become legendary.
How had Margaret Laurence become so accomplished? How had Peggy Wemyss, born in a small prairie town during the 1920s and raised there during the Great Depression, managed to develop her literary gifts and become a writer whose books were published not only in Canada, but also in England and the United States? To those questions there is no single or easy answer. The making of a writer, an artist, or a musician is a mysterious and complex process. In the case of Margaret Laurence, she had a profound belief that she had been blessed with the gift to be a writer. And in addition to a strong desire to write, she felt a deep responsibility to nurture and develop that gift. The gift may have been given, but it was Margaret's ardour and ambition that endowed it with shape and form. Over the years her self-discipline and diligence enabled her abilities to develop, even though there were many times as an adult when she felt torn between her responsibilities as wife and parent and her need to write.
The development of Margaret Laurence's talent as a writer was influenced not only by her character and temperament, but also by situations and people in her life. Before that talent could flourish, however, she had to set herself on a long, arduous, exacting, and at times exciting, period of apprenticeship. And for those who know something of Margaret Laurence's childhood, it will come as no surprise that those childhood years had a profound impact of the unfolding and development of her literary talent.
#### NEEPAWA, MANITOBA
1926
Born on July 18, 1926, in Neepawa, Manitoba, Margaret Laurence was christened Jean Margaret Wemyss, although she was known as Peggy. She was the only child of Verna Simpson and Robert Wemyss, a lawyer. Margaret Laurence once described her ancestry as follows: "a Celt of sorts, being Irish on my mother's side and Scots on my father's, with a slight admixture of Sassenach blood through one of my grandmothers, who came from United Empire Loyalist stock." She went on to add that "The sense of sorrow (and laughter as well) is in me, also, I believe."
Margaret's parents, Verna and Bob, had grown up in Neepawa. The town's name, according to local history, was derived from the Cree language and means "land of plenty" or "beautiful land." Even today, the description seems apt. Situated about 125 miles northwest of Winnipeg, the capital of the province of Manitoba, Neepawa was then and remains today a very stable and relatively prosperous town. Peggy's father, Robert, the eldest son of a prominent town lawyer, completed his education at St. Andrew's College in Toronto. Then, with the Great War raging in Europe, Bob and his younger brother, Jack, enlisted in the army. Assigned to the Canadian Field Artillery, 60th Battery, the Wemyss brothers saw action during four years of bitter fighting in Europe, Bob as a gunner, Jack as a driver. Margaret Laurence retained her father's copy of _The 60th C.F.A. Battery Book_ , published in 1919, and in a strongly cadenced prose passage in her memoirs she poignantly describes the situation of those veterans, her father and uncle: "They will not talk, later on, of what they have seen, of what they had to do, in the blood and mud, in the trenches of France, amongst the wounded and dying, amongst the dead, in the gunfire. They have become old men at twenty-one and twenty-four."
After surviving the horrors of trench warfare overseas, the brothers returned to Canada. Robert Wemyss joined his father's law firm in Neepawa, and, in the summer of 1924, he married Verna Simpson. Their daughter, Jean Margaret, was born two years later.
From all indications Verna and Bob were very much in love. They were active socially in Neepawa and had a close circle of friends. A photo taken of them when Peggy was two years old shows her parents at a Fancy Dress Ball. Wearing Spanish costumes, Verna and Bob Wemyss look very happy as they pose for that photo with about fifty guests, including their friends the Kerrs, the Spratts, the Crawfords, the Alguires, Dr. Cleave, and Dr. Martin.
Margaret Laurence's mother, Verna, was the second-youngest of seven surviving children of John and Jane (née Bailey) Simpson. John Simpson's ancestors had come to Canada from Ireland in the mid-nineteenth century. John, born in Ontario in 1856, was a cabinetmaker by trade and had come west to Manitoba as a young man. A family story relates that he walked the impressive distance from Winnipeg to Portage la Prairie. There he worked with a cousin and met his future wife, Jane Bailey. Her family were United Empire Loyalists, who had come to Canada from the United States during the American Revolution. Several years after Jane Bailey married John Simpson, they moved to Neepawa, where he went into the furniture and hardware business and later became a local funeral director. Their daughter Verna, who became Margaret Laurence's mother, was said to be more lighthearted and spontaneous than her three older sisters. She also had genuine talent for the piano, and in 1907, Verna, at the age of eleven, played in a recital held in Neepawa's new Opera House. The program from that recital was treasured by Margaret Laurence until her death.
As Verna matured, she continued to study piano under several fine teachers, among whom was Eva Clare, a Neepawan who had enjoyed a celebrated career as a pianist. Eva Clare had studied in New York and Berlin, and her concert performances in several European countries had met with acclaim. The _Vienna Tagblatt_ reported that Eva Clare's technique was "brilliant." Studying under such an accomplished pianist must have been exciting and exacting for Verna Simpson. However, a career in music was out of the question, because her father would not permit it. Verna did, however, manage to pursue advanced piano studies in Winnipeg for several months. After returning to Neepawa, she taught piano there and played occasionally in local concerts.
Within two years of Verna's marriage to Bob Wemyss, the couple moved into a bungalow on Vivian Street. Although their home was small, it was located at the south end of town, close to Park Lake, an area where many of Neepawa's most distinguished families lived. Verna had two miscarriages before Peggy's birth, and the young couple were relieved when their healthy, active little daughter was born. There were doting relatives, too, for baby Peggy had become the youngest Neepawa member of the Simpson family, displacing her teenaged cousin Catherine Simpson, who lived nearby. During the next three years, Peggy's mother proudly made entries in a "Baby Book": "At thirteen months trying to say everything; at two years telling us she was crazy about beet greens; has a great imagination; speaks a lot about her 'funny' house, where Paper Slim, and Mr. and Mrs. Slim live." Verna notes her little daughter's "accomplishments," and mentions Peggy's large vocabulary and talent with words, her response to music, and her early interest in making up stories. Her mother's comments describe a child who is curious and imaginative.
The future Margaret Laurence spent her childhood and adolescence amidst the familiar and secure surroundings of Neepawa. The town was proud of its Opera House, and the citizens valued musical and theatrical talent. In her parents' day, performances of light opera and various concerts were popular, as were large parties and dances. The town was surrounded by fertile prairie farmland with its distinctive rich, black soil. Neepawa, which was also a commercial centre for the area, had a population of approximately twenty-five hundred, and was remarkably self-sufficient for a town of that size. It could boast of being the nexus of two major railway lines, the Canadian Pacific and Canadian National railways, and had a roundhouse as well. The town also had several well-attended churches, three auto dealerships, a brick factory, and a large salt plant. Its citizens were justifiably proud of Neepawa's hospital and nursing school.
Everyone in that small town knew the Wemyss and Simpson families; everyone knew little Peggy. She could wander freely about the tree-lined streets or be invited in for a cookie at a neighbour's home. If anything seemed seriously amiss in town, people were quickly alerted by telephone. In fact, the party lines and central operator made it hard to have a truly private phone conversation. On July 20, 1930, two days after Peggy's fourth birthday, those phone lines began to ring. Her mother, Verna Simpson Wemyss, had succumbed to an acute kidney infection and died in the Neepawa hospital after a brief illness. The town was shocked. Sixty years later a neighbour still recalls how devastated her own mother had been over Verna Wemyss's death at the age of thirty-four.
Little Peggy thought her mother was in the hospital, and was not immediately informed about her death. She learned of it while playing outside one day with a playmate who accidentally blurted out the shocking news. Stunned, Peggy ran inside, where adults told her that her friend had not lied. It was true. Her mother was dead. "After that," she said in her memoirs, "I have no conscious memories for about a year."
Overwhelmed by her mother's death, four-year-old Peggy was comforted and supported to some extent by the familiar surroundings of her home and by the reassuring presence of her father and Aunt Marg, her mother's sister. Aunt Marg had come home from Calgary for a holiday that summer and, after her sister's sudden death in July, she had remained to take care of her young niece and keep house for her brother-in-law. A year later, Bob Wemyss and his sister-in-law, Marg Simpson, decided to marry and, in August 1931, went to Brandon for a quiet wedding.
This was Marg's first marriage. After completing Normal School, she had taught in Calgary for a number of years, but now as a married woman she was no longer eligible to teach. Perhaps Marg missed the classroom and her old friends in Calgary, but as Mrs. Robert Wemyss she was well-liked in Neepawa, became active in local circles, held the customary afternoon teas at their home, and was instrumental in helping inaugurate the first public library in Neepawa.
Peggy was fortunate in the love of her father and of Aunt Marg, who did not hesitate to talk to Peggy about her biological mother, Verna, referring to her as "your other mother." Nevertheless, Margaret Laurence frankly states, "I cannot say that Mum [Aunt Margaret] stepped into the vacuum left by my mother's death." It is clear, however, from the many incidents in which she recounts her aunt's goodness, that Peggy's love for Aunt Marg was deep, and she later dedicated her first novel, _This Side Jordan_ , to her. However, as a young child Peggy was profoundly affected by her mother's sudden death and the loss of her cheerful, loving presence. Laurence states several times: "A measure of my own pain and bewilderment is that total gap in my memory of at least one year." Peggy also had nightmares, walked in her sleep, and recalls being "difficult in many ways." She later interpreted that behaviour as a way of expressing her emotional loss and her inability to absorb "the enormity" of what had happened.
Nonetheless, in many ways life in their home on Vivian Street resumed a comfortable routine after the marriage of Bob and Aunt Marg. There were playmates Peggy's age who lived nearby, and during the week Peggy's father came home each day at noon for dinner, walking the few blocks from his law office on Hamilton Street. Since it was then the custom for school children to return home for their midday meal, Peggy would have been home, too. In a snapshot included in _Dance on the Earth_ , Bob Wemyss has the look of a successful businessman. Dressed in a dark three-piece suit, with a neatly folded handkerchief in his breast pocket, he is wearing spats and reading a newspaper. On his left hand he wears a seal ring with the family crest, "Je pense."
On Sunday, after services at the United Church, the family typically went for dinner with the Simpson grandparents who lived in "the Big House" on First Avenue. In addition to that family routine, there were, for Peggy, recurring seasonal events in Neepawa: fall fowl suppers, Thanksgiving, skating parties, hockey games, fireworks on Victoria Day, and agricultural fairs at harvest time. All these gave the youngster a sense of permanence and continuity.
Her home, fondly referred to as "the Little House," was a small white bungalow on the corner of Vivian Street and Mountain Avenue, an area known as Coutts's Corner. Peggy's dormer room on the second floor had a window facing west, and the afternoon sun poured in. The Little House was surrounded by flowers in spring and summer. At the front, facing Vivian Street, there was a screened-in veranda, where Peggy "sometimes slept in hot weather," and at the back a large garden, where her father enjoyed tending his flowers. Although he was a lawyer by profession, Bob Wemyss probably had very little business during those years of the Great Depression. He was active in Neepawa's Horticultural Society, served on the school board, belonged to several fraternal organizations, and enjoyed playing tennis. He was also an avid photographer, who took many pictures of his family. Laurence also mentions that her father was "a good amateur carpenter and painter." He did much of the interior work in their home: "built-in kitchen cupboards, painted apple green; built-in china cupboard in the living-dining room." Such features were then considered "very modern and innovative."
On the west side of Mountain Avenue, opposite Peggy's home, there was an impressive brick house (which still stands), where Blake Dunlop, publisher and editor of the _Neepawa Press_ , lived with his mother. On another corner was the Coutts's family home, hence the name "Coutts's corner." Wallace Coutts and Bob Wemyss served together on the Public School Board and Mrs. Coutts often came to tea at their home. The couples were good friends and played bridge together. Dorothy, the youngest of the Coutts's five children, was one of Peggy's childhood playmates. Another friend, Jean Kerr, who was several years older than Peggy, remembers feeling a tinge of envy when she played with the toys and inventive games that Peggy's doting aunts and parents had given her, but she also recalls Peggy as "a lonely, difficult child" after her mother's death.
Dorothy Coutts, on the other hand, remembers Peggy as friendly, outgoing, and imaginative. She recalls frequent meals and occasional "sleep-overs" at their "cozy little house" as well as vacation times with the family at Clear Lake in Riding Mountain, where Bob Wemyss taught Dorothy how to swim, as he had taught his own daughter and another of her childhood friends, Mona Spratt. Because Dorothy Coutts was close in age to Peggy and lived across the street, the girls played together frequently in Peggy's room upstairs or in "the wonderful playhouse outside" that her father had built. The playhouse, tall enough that adults did not need to stoop, was the perfect setting for "let's pretend." The girls also rehearsed little concerts and plays, mainly instigated by Peggy's active imagination. "Then," recalls Dorothy, "Peggy's stepmother would ask my mother over for our performance. At the end, Marg Wemyss would serve tea and delicious orange bread to us all." Once, when Japanese kimonos were "all the rage," Peggy and Dorothy performed an oriental dance for their parents and friends. Other playmates recall that Peggy was "a great fantasizer. Pretend this, pretend that."
One summer, after Dorothy Coutts had vacationed with the Wemyss family at Clear Lake, Peggy wanted to write a story about their holiday and turned to Dorothy, who was a year older, "to help with the spelling." Peggy dictated the story, and then she and Dorothy went up and down the street, "asking neighbours if they would like us to read our story for a penny. Many of them cooperated and we even got a piece of chocolate cake from one dear lady."
Margaret Laurence herself mentions in interviews that she was a "sort of solitary child," who told stories even before she could write. Her early interest in telling stories and making up plays was fostered by the atmosphere at home and by the encouragement of her father and stepmother. Within a few years, writing stories and poems was to become an indispensable part of young Peggy's life.
#### SCHOOL YEARS: 1932-1939
In September 1932, Peggy, now six years old, began Grade One at Neepawa Public School, three blocks from her own home and across from the United Church. Little mention is made of her introduction to school except for a family story that Peggy was disappointed because she had expected to read after her first day in school.
When winter loosened its grip on the prairie, Peggy and her young friends could not resist the adventure of testing the "rubber ice" that had formed on the roadside ditches. When the children arrived home with wet feet, scoldings inevitably followed. As winter began its slow retreat, the youngsters challenged one another to find, amidst the remaining patches of snow, the first pale-mauve prairie crocuses with their "greengray featherstems." A college classmate of Peggy's recalls the sweet smell of the thawing earth when, as a child, he and his siblings gathered prairie crocuses in large basins, often bringing them in baskets to church for the Easter service.
Another welcomed harbinger of spring is the western meadowlark whose flute-like song from fence posts and fields announces the end of winter. The Manitoba prairies then resemble a vast lake, as water from melting snow and spring rains fills the fields and roadside ditches, forming knee-deep sloughs that attract migrating waterfowl on their northward journey. In early April, skeins of blue geese and lesser snow geese fill the skies, reaching all the way to the horizon. In towns across the prairie, adults as well as children rush outdoors to watch as tens of thousands of geese pass overhead, their glad cries signalling the end of winter, though patches of snow may still lie in the fields. During springtime Peggy and Dorothy sometimes played at "boating," using a neighbour's duck-hunting boat to paddle in the water-filled ditches beside the road.
In late spring 1933, Peggy's father and stepmother adopted an infant boy, whom they named Robert Morrison Wemyss. They probably felt it would be good for Peggy to have a sibling. Peggy, who had turned seven that summer and had been the only child, was pleased and excited at the prospect of having a baby brother, but she remembered feeling some jealousy after the new baby actually arrived. Although adoption was not unusual in Neepawa, Laurence does not state in her memoirs that Bobby was adopted. She saw no reason to call attention to it, and putting that fact into her memoirs would have seemed insensitive. She felt, in fact, that Bobby was "just her brother" and that Marg Wemyss, while not their biological mother, was always "our mother."
In the summer, Peggy's father would take his family on holiday to Riding Mountain, a great escarpment fifty miles northwest of Neepawa. There a park of twelve hundred square miles encompassed a native forest teeming with moose, deer, elk, and other varieties of wildlife. And there Bob Wemyss and his brother-in-law, Stuart Simpson, had built a cottage near the shores of Clear Lake. When Riding Mountain became a National Park in 1933 (the second-oldest in Canada after Banff), the town site at Clear Lake was renamed _Wasagaming_ , from the Cree language, meaning literally: "the water is so clear that the sun shines on the bottom."
The family's one-storey frame cottage with its large stone fireplace was a place that Peggy loved. She cherished memories of Clear Lake throughout her life, and from time to time found pleasure living and writing in similar rustic surroundings, such as Point Roberts, near Vancouver, and later at her "shack" on the Otonabee River, near Lakefield.
The cottage at Riding Mountain was situated in a wooded area surrounded by poplar, birch, and fragrant evergreen trees. From the living room there was an unobstructed view of Clear Lake, its waters lapping the shore at the foot of a steep hill about a hundred feet from the front of their cottage. Years later, when asked to name her "most loved place in Canada," Laurence replied that it had been "many places," and added that, although she no longer inhabited those places, they continued to inhabit her: "portions of memory, presences in the mind." Then she identified one such place as her family's summer cottage at Clear Lake in Riding Mountain National Park. In a passage that conveys her childhood excitement and the sense of delight associated with those summer holidays at Riding Mountain, she wrote:
Before the government piers and the sturdy log staircases down to shore were put in, we used to slither with an exhilarating sense of peril down the steep homemade branch and dirt shelf-steps, through the stands of thin tall spruce and birch trees slender and graceful as girls, passing moss-hairy fallen logs and the white promise of wild strawberry blossoms, until we reached the sand and the hard bright pebbles of the beach at the edge of the cold spring-fed lake where at nights the loons still cried eerily.
In the summer when her family was not at Clear Lake, there were other activities for Peggy to enjoy in Neepawa: concerts and picnics in River Bend Park; the agricultural fair near Scotty Burnett's farm; trains to watch as they arrived to load wheat or take on passengers for Brandon and points west; swimming in the White Mud River, which meandered across the prairies from Saskatchewan through Neepawa's River Bend Park and eastward towards Winnipeg. While the summer heat could be cruel and punishing to farmers, it was less oppressive under the magnificent tall elm trees that lined the town's streets. However, in August "dust devils" rolled about, and during periods of drought the dust seemed to be everywhere.
The year after Bobby was adopted, Marg and Bob decided to move into the Wemyss's family home on Second Avenue in order to have more room. In fact, there were three houses in Neepawa where Margaret Laurence lived during her childhood: her own home on Vivian Street, which she refers to as "the Little House;" the Wemyss's house on Second Avenue known as "the big red-brick house"; and the Simpson family residence on First Avenue, "the Big House" that belonged to her maternal grandparents.
Peggy's second home, the Wemyss's big red-brick house, had been the home of her father's people. At the rear, there was a large garden. The façade of the house was covered with Virginia creeper, and attractive details distinguished the Wemyss's family home from others. Coloured glass was set into its front door and, on the landing of the second floor, there was a distinctive rose window, also with coloured panes of glass. The large house had plenty of cupboards and "hidey holes" that appealed to Peggy's imagination. In addition, there were many formal features that had been absent in Peggy's first home, the cozy bungalow on Vivian Street. Peggy remembered that, while Grandmother Wemyss had lived in the red-brick house, visits had been rather uncomfortable, because certain rooms were off limits. She had to be very careful of her manners and avoid making noise or spilling things on the Chinese carpet.
Although Peggy had never known Grandfather Wemyss, who had died a few weeks after her birth in 1926, she held him in high esteem. John Wemyss, born in Scotland and educated at Glasgow Academy, could read the Greek tragedies and comedies in their original language, a fact that Margaret Laurence always noted with pride. She also remarked that Grandfather Wemyss's letters and journals revealed his sense of humour, another fact that pleased her. As Neepawa's first lawyer, he had had the distinction of drawing up the papers that incorporated the town.
From Grandfather's den, where a bronze curved sword hung over the fireplace and the bookshelves held dozens of copies of _National Geographic_ , foreign destinations seemed to beckon. The sword had been handed down from a distant relative, and had been sent from India to Scotland and from there to Canada. Looking at it, Peggy could invent any number of fantastic stories. For her there was also mystery and possibly intrigue in the Scottish background of the Wemyss family, for they had a crest and a motto. John Wemyss's wife, Margaret (née Harrison), who had been born in Upper Canada, seems to have had certain "airs," and one Neepawan recalls that Mrs.Wemyss was the only person in town to have calling cards. The couple's three children were born in Neepawa. Sometime after her husband's death in 1926, Margaret Harrison Wemyss moved to Winnipeg and later to Ontario, where her daughter Norma lived.
The "big red-brick house" was closer to the Neepawa Public School, and Peggy once again had playmates who lived nearby. Her first few years at school seem to have been uneventful. Margaret Laurence remembered the milkman, Bert Batchelor, who lived with his wife and daughter a short distance to the west of Neepawa, where he operated a small dairy. Mr. Batchelor delivered milk to the townsfolk by horse-drawn wagon or by sleigh in winter. On weekends he invited his daughter Dorothy, along with other Neepawa children, to ride with him for part of the route. Margaret Laurence remembered those times: "In winter, we used to hitch rides on the back of the milk sleigh, our moccasins squeaking and slithering on the hard rutted snow of the roads, our hands in ice-bubbled mitts hanging onto the box edge of the sleigh for dear life, while Bert [the milkman] grinned at us through his great frosted moustache and shouted the horse into speed, daring us to stay put."
Christmas 1934 in the Wemyss's house on Second Avenue, was full of excitement for her and her little brother. On Christmas Eve the family always went to the carol service at the United Church. Afterward there was the marvellous winter walk home with carols "Hark the Herald Angels Sing," "Once in Royal David's City," and Peggy's favourite, "It Came Upon a Midnight Clear," lingering in her heart. On such a night the tingling winter air was dry and sharp, and the stunning night sky was completely filled with bright stars. Suddenly the dark-shadowed snow would be transformed, looking "like sprinkled rainbows around the sparse street lights." The Christmas season was still magical for young Peggy.
On Christmas morning, her family gathered in the study after breakfast to hear the Christmas Empire Broadcast over the radio. The children began to fidget as they listened to King George's speech, which always ended the broadcast. Then, at last, they could "have the Tree," Peggy and Bobby opening presents with great glee while their parents looked on.
The gifts that Margaret Laurence later recalled from that memorable Christmas in 1934 were the ones that her father had made. For Bobby there was a cream-coloured wooden rocking horse with a seat in the middle; for Peggy a small desk — her first. "It had chains on either side to let down the writing board and pigeon holes to hold important stuff." She remembered it as "possibly the most beloved desk I have ever owned." Those were the years of the Great Depression, and her father, having found the desk in the attic, had repaired and painted it turquoise blue.
On that Christmas afternoon the family went for dinner to the Simpson grandparents at the Big House on First Avenue. There, more than a dozen relatives would enjoy the Christmas meal at the big oak table in the dining room, carefully set with the best Limoges china, edged in gold with tinymoss roses forming the bridal-wreath pattern that Margaret Laurence later remembered. And they had another ceremony of "the Tree," with a whole congregation of aunts and uncles and cousins. Aunt Ruby, who was head of the nursing division in Saskatchewan's public-health department, had brought from Regina "an astounding assortment of rare and wonderful things": tiny packages of Swiss cheese wrapped in silver paper; chocolate Santas in red and gold paper; and chocolate coins contained in heavy gold foil, looking for all the world like Spanish doubloons and pieces of eight from _Treasure Island._ It was a wonderful Christmas.
After the holidays, Neepawa Public School reopened on January 3, a cold and windy day, with temperatures hovering at -30° F. Heavy snow continued to fall during the week that followed. On the morning of January 16, eight-year-old Peggy, with her face pressed to the windowpane, could feel the penetrating cold. As her dark brown eyes searched the familiar landscape, all seemed changed and ominous. She could hear the opening and closing of the front door and the hushed voices of adults whispering in the parlour below.
Outside, the streets were empty. No children on sleds or snowshoes could be seen. The relentless snow concealed the front steps and smothered the caragana hedges. The winter silence remained unbroken. Already huge drifts made travel treacherous, even for adults. Across the street and in the yards the muffled air was thick with flakes.
That afternoon the silence was shattered by the tolling of the church bell. Then, men filed from the Wemyss red-brick house and from the Legion rooms: veterans, neighbours, Oddfellows, Masons — their chins hidden in wool scarves, collars turned up against the piercing cold. They moved slowly toward the pealing bell and the doors of the United Church. The funeral of Bob Wemyss, husband of Marg Simpson and father of Peggy and Bobby, was about to begin.
Robert Harrison Wemyss had died of pneumonia at 7 p.m. on Sunday, January 13, 1935, in the red-brick house on Second Avenue where he had been born. He was forty years old.
As the funeral service took place, the bitter pain of Bob Wemyss's death was deepened by increasing anxiety about Mum's brother, Uncle Stuart, who had been stricken with double pneumonia. His condition rapidly worsened and, on January 20, exactly one week after Bob Wemyss's death, Uncle Stuart Simpson died.
In the days that followed, little Peggy felt "very helpless." She wanted to protect Mum and was "angry at the minister who came to give his condolences and support.... [He] really couldn't comfort Mum." As a grief beyond words enveloped the family, Peggy's anguish and anxiety deepened.
Now, Peggy's memories of her mother's death four years earlier crowded into her mind. She remembered playing outdoors with a friend, tramping around in rubber boots in a few inches of rain water in a weed-filled ditch. "Your mother's dead," blurts out Dorothy Coutts. Peggy stares at Dorothy and then shouts back at her bewildered playmate: "She is not! You're telling a lie! Liar! Liar!"
Several days before her mother's death in 1930, Peggy had celebrated her fourth birthday and, with Aunt Marg's help, she had pushed and pulled her new tricycle up the back staircase to the second floor of the Simpson house, where her mother lay sick in bed. Peggy wanted to show her the "splendid green-and-silver" tricycle she had received for her birthday. Margaret Laurence remembers this: "My mother, lying in the grey-painted double bed, smiles at me. Her face is white and her dark hair is spread out across the white pillowcase. She touches my face, my hair.... I have no memory of anything more complicated than her look of love for me. I never saw her again."
That last glimpse of Verna was to remain Peggy's only distinct memory of her mother. Now her father, too, was dead. This time the terrible fact could not be concealed. This time there could be no delaying the news, no evasion. This time neither a new step-parent nor a nearby uncle would be there to ease the pain. Reluctant to return to school, "desperately afraid of crying," unwilling to let Mum out of her sight, young Peggy was devastated. "I remember the two of us together. I don't remember very much about anybody else," she wrote. Her world had changed forever during that cold January in 1935 when she was only eight and a half.
Many years later, while writing her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_ , Margaret Laurence related how she had mourned the death in 1981 of a dear friend, Anne Bailey. The similarity between the circumstances of her friend's death and those of her own mother struck a deep cord in Margaret. After learning of Anne's death, Margaret, who was fifty-five at the time, suddenly put her head down and cried as though she "could never stop." She realized later that, not only was she grieving for Anne, who like her own mother, Verna, had left behind a husband and a five-year-old child, but, more than she "could ever have believed possible," Margaret became aware that she was grieving for her own mother, "who also died at just about the same age." She then adds this poignant note: "I mourn that young mother of mine still, and always will."
While Margaret Laurence was writing her memoirs, she looked intently at many family photographs — some were reproduced in _Dance on the Earth_ , others were simply described or referred to in the text. By gazing for a long time at those photos, she tried to recall early memories of the childhood years when the family was together and her mother and father were still alive. As a musician, Verna must have sung to her baby, rocked her daughter to sleep, and danced around the room with Peggy in her arms, but Margaret Laurence could not remember that. Sometimes, as an adult, she reread her mother's comments in the "Baby Book." In doing so she may have hoped to summon other memories of her young mother. But Verna was to remain a sepia image, a mother whose photo Margaret could gaze at, a mother whose words could be reread, but whose voice would never again be heard.
Marg Simpson had married Bob Wemyss after Verna's death. Now she was widowed at forty-seven. Like a figure in a Greek tragedy, she found herself buffeted by a series of sudden deaths and unexpected changes: deprived of her lively younger sister Verna; shifted from a secure and respected teaching position in Calgary back to her hometown of Neepawa; finding herself in an unexpected marriage to her brother-in-law that ended abruptly with his death three and a half years later; dealing with the nightmare of her brother Stuart's death only a week after her husband's death. All those losses occurred within a five-year period. The emotional blows left Marg Wemyss reeling. Alone. The stepmother of two young children: Bobby, one and a half years old, and Peggy, eight and a half.
Somehow Marg Wemyss was able to hold things together through the rest of 1935. She and the children moved from the Wemyss's place back to their own little home on Vivian Street. The playhouse that Peggy's father had built was moved back with them, and Peggy returned to her familiar dormer room, putting the cherished blue desk back in "the corner where it had always belonged. Things could never be the same, though, even in this beloved house."
The following January (1936) was the coldest since the town had started keeping records. In places where the cattle usually went for water, the ice was three feet deep. On January 18, Rudyard Kipling died in England and was buried in Westminster Abbey. That news was overshadowed, however, by the death of King George V. All of Neepawa was talking about it. Schools and businesses were closed in observance of the monarch's death, and the town's carnival was postponed. A solemn, well-attended memorial service was held in Neepawa's Opera House. During those cold January days, only a year after her father and uncle had died, Peggy had vivid reminders of the sudden, unexpected changes wrought by death — whether it struck kings, famous writers, or parents.
In her memoirs, Laurence makes an interesting shift after relating the fact of her father's death. She then describes the panic in Neepawa over an outbreak of polio that raged during the following year. The situation was so serious that a stiff fine of fifty dollars was set for any Neepawan caught in the nearby town of Minnedosa. Polio, although frequently referred to as infantile paralysis, affected adults as well as children. Some were crippled for life; others died. Although Laurence interrupts her account to state that her childhood was "not all death and gloom," she seems to protest too much, especially in light of the fact that the next incident she recalls does focus on death. The incident took place during the polio epidemic and involved two neighbourhood boys. Laurence's account reveals the way a child's mind, which lacks the understanding of an adult's, may connect things.
As Peggy sat reading a book in a tree near the Wemyss's house on Second Avenue, two boys who lived across the yard called out and teased her. She remembers being afraid of them. After all she was younger and a girl. She realized she was powerless to stop their teasing. Finally, in a fury, she shouted at them "and managed to drive them off." When she learned later that one of boys had died from polio, she was horrified. "I had scared Gavin away and he had died. It was a great shock." To young Peggy it was a profound experience of the power of the word.
Written words, too, began to have an impact for Peggy. By the time she was in Grade Five her own words on the page had taken on importance and power. In the following passage from _Dance on the Earth_ , she describes the sort of writing she did in elementary school: "I was writing, too, all the time. Clumsy, sentimental poetry, funny verses, stories, and once a highly uninformed but jubilantly imaginative journal of Captain John Ball and his voyages to exotic lands, complete with maps made by me of strange, mythical places." Perhaps looking at her father's copies of _National Geographic_ had provided an impetus for her imagination. Composing childhood stories of voyages and adventures in faraway lands may somehow have become a part of Laurence's psyche, preparing the way for her later travels. Who can say? But her need to write undoubtedly took hold while she was still a youngster.
Two of Peggy's former classmates clearly recalled a day when the teacher took their class for a nature walk near Park Lake. At one point, the teacher dispatched those girls to find Peggy Wemyss, who was "missing." When they rounded a bend in the road, they spotted Peggy sitting beneath a tree, oblivious to her surroundings, writing in a scribbler. They remember that it was hard for them to convince Peggy to put down her pencil so they could hurry to catch up with the rest of the class. At this early stage, writing was becoming a comfort for her. It was one way of bringing order out of the upheavals in her life.
In the weeks after Bob Wemyss's death, Mum had tried her best to establish a place of serenity and safety for Peggy, but she had her hands full with Bobby, still a toddler, and with worries about their future. Now there were times when Marg herself became volatile, anxious, and fearful. She fretted and she could lose her temper, sometimes yelling "with vigour" when Peggy and Bobby were "difficult."
The following year, as spring approached, Peggy, now nine, was again spun into emotional turmoil when her favourite grandmother, Jane Bailey Simpson, died suddenly in the Big House on First Avenue on May 3, 1936. One by one, the deeply personal relationships of Peggy's childhood years, the relationships that are so significant in a child's development, were rapidly disappearing. Moreover, the death of Peggy's father the year before had triggered a series of chain reactions which were propelled by financial constraints. Subsequent changes, which might have been taken in stride under ordinary circumstances, were now to have a profound effect on the sensitive and imaginative youngster.
Because the death of Grandmother Simpson left her husband, John, alone in the Big House without his wife's calm, comforting presence, their adult offspring seem to have decided that their sister, Marg, was the natural choice among them to move into the Big House — to take care of their eighty-two-year-old father, to oversee the household, and there to raise her two young children. Financial necessity and family responsibility would have made it impossible for Marg Wemyss to refuse. For her, there were no viable alternatives.
So, once again, Peggy had to move. The family left their Little House on Vivian Street and moved into the Simpson place, the Big House on First Avenue. Her beloved playhouse was moved again and placed in the backyard, which was then quite deep, running past the wood pile and the vegetable garden at the rear of the house to the former barn where Grandpa Simpson's old McLaughlin Buick was stored. The CNR station was only a few blocks away, and the frequent whistle of the trains became a familiar sound as the railway cars rolled into town, letting off passengers or loading grain.
From across the street, the Big House on First Avenue looked solid and comfortable behind its neatly trimmed caragana hedges. After walking up the path and the front steps, one crossed the veranda, and then entered the front hallway, where a staircase on the left led to the second floor. On the first floor there was a front parlour, a music room, a dining room, and, at the rear, a large kitchen, from which a set of stairs led up to the second floor and a room for a hired girl. The second floor also had bedrooms for family members and a complete bath.
Peggy had liked the Big House, of its warm associations with Sunday visits, holiday dinners, and afternoon chats with her grandmother when the delicious aroma of freshly baked bread or cookies filled the air, but she soon came to realize that living in the house after Grandma Simpson's death was an entirely different matter.
In an effort to make Peggy feel more at home, Mum gave her the best and largest room in the Big House. Formerly Grandma Simpson's bedroom, it also had a small dressing room, which held a Toronto couch, a dresser, and a cupboard full of old books. Mum and Peggy chose new wallpaper, "a soft green patterned with apple blossoms." The colours may have reminded her of the apple-green kitchen cupboards that her father had painted in the Little House. Peggy's bright, cheerful bedroom had a large bay window facing directly east. In the winter, the morning sun sparkled on the feathery traceries of frost on the panes. Eventually that bedroom became her "refuge," and she recalled many hours spent sitting at a table in front of the bay window, writing.
Despite the bright bedroom and the familiar playhouse, where she could crawl up onto the roof and write stories and poems beneath the sheltering branches of the tall evergreen trees, the atmosphere inside the Big House was often desperately uncomfortable. It was profoundly affected by Grandfather Simpson, who set the rules to suit himself and made demands on Marg and the children. As he stomped moodily through the house, uttering harsh remarks, Grandpa Simpson was a man to be avoided.
Peggy lived in that house with her grandfather from the age of ten until she left Neepawa at eighteen to attend university. Those years in the Simpson house were crucial in her development. Kipling's line, "When I was in my father's house, I was in a better place," may well have echoed in her heart, for Peggy had never really been comfortable around her grandfather. Now she felt an increasing dislike of him and continued to long for her father's return. Impossible.
Thrust out of her familiar and beloved Little House, deprived of her father's good humour and easygoing personality, Peggy was forced to accommodate herself to the wishes and whims of an elderly and domineering grandfather. The depth of her distress may be seen in later remarks when she admitted that she hated Grandfather Simpson for a long time, even after his death in 1953, when he was ninety-six and she was a married adult. In her unpublished journal she noted, "His own temperament worked against a celebration of anything."
When Margaret Laurence returned to Neepawa in 1976 for a reception following the publication of _A Jest of God_ , she was met at the airport in Winnipeg and driven to Neepawa by her former Grade Seven teacher. She asked him to drive by her first home, the little bungalow on Vivian Street, but she instructed him not to drive past the former Simpson house on First Avenue. She had turned away from connections to John Simpson and the Irish side of her family. Instead Scotland, home of her father's people, the Wemysses, held a special place in Margaret Laurence's imagination and heart.
As a child she heard Scottish songs, and later she read Scottish history and listened to recordings of bagpipe music. As an adult, Margaret Laurence visited Scotland several times. She met the poet Douglas Young, explored the area from which her father's people had emigrated, visited the home of the bard James Macpherson, and viewed the battlefields of Culloden, where many Scots, betrayed by their chiefs, had been slaughtered. These personal experiences in the land of her ancestors provided Laurence with much of the Scottish material that she later incorporated into her final novel, _The Diviners_. Her immersion in the Wemyss ancestry and history also gave rise to her essay "Road from the Isles" (1966).
In that essay, using emotionally charged language, she refers to the Scots who arrived in Canada as a people "bereft, who had been wounded psychically in ways they could not have possibly comprehended." Ostensibly about the betrayed Scots, her essay may well provide a clue to Margaret Laurence's own feelings of deep loss, and shed light on how she tried to cope with the death of her beloved father and mother:
I had known, of course, as every person schooled in Canada knows, of the external difficulties of the early Scottish settlers, the people of Glengarry and Red River. What I had never seen before was a glimpse of their inner terrors, a sense of the bereavement they must have carried with them like a weight of lead in the soul. What appeared to be their greatest trouble in a new land — the grappling with an unyielding environment — was in fact probably their salvation. I believe they survived not in spite of physical hardships, but _because_ of them, for all their attention and thought _had_ to be focused outwards. They could not brood. If they had been able to do so, it might have killed them.
Here she presents the paradoxical view that the Scottish settlers may have been saved by the harsh physical reality of trying to survive in a new land. She suggests that their strenuous struggle to survive the harsh physical reality of creating a new life in Canada may actually have saved them from dying of broken hearts — from brooding over their betrayal by their own chiefs.
As a way of dealing with her own sense of bereavement, Laurence may have put much of her attention and thought into her writing. That struggle may paradoxically have helped her to bear the full impact of the loss of both parents — a loss still sharply felt as an adult.
When Laurence reflected on her Scots heritage in "Road from the Isles," she explained that she had come to the realization that her own roots were in Canada rather than in Scotland. She then understood, however, why the landscape of Scotland had seemed so familiar when she had first visited there. The trees — spruce and pine and birch, with moss around their roots — and the colours of the earth had brought back her memories of Clear Lake in Manitoba's Riding Mountain National Park. Recognizing the significant impact of those early memories, she then pointed to another kind of history — "one that has the most powerful hold over us in unsuspected ways, the names or tunes or trees that can recall a thousand images, and this almost-family history can be related only to one's first home."
A keen sense of paradox also became attached to Margaret's memories of Neepawa: a place where she had experienced great joy, profound loss, and overwhelming anger. There is no doubt that, as a youngster, Peggy's feelings of rage and resentment at Grandfather Simpson were compounded by the losses and changes that followed inevitably upon her own father's death. Nevertheless, it is obvious that John Simpson's demanding disposition within the household left its mark on every family member who lived there. His first-born son, Stuart, felt obliged to assume the family's undertaking business rather than pursue a career in law. Verna (Peggy's natural mother) was restricted in the development of her musical talent and interests, and Verna's older sister, Margaret (Marg), who in high school had attained the highest grades in the entire province of Manitoba, was not permitted to enrol at university, although John Simpson, for practical reasons, did allow his daughter to attend Normal School, because he felt that teacher training was acceptable.
In _Dance on the Earth_ , Margaret Laurence makes little reference to her uncles, but she proudly refers to her mother and her aunts, the "Simpson girls," as accomplished women who were professionals. Her assessment, however, glosses over the fact that such achievement came at a price. Most of John Simpson's children, even as adults, had to accede to their father's demands, and his control over them in their youth had caused resentment. Moreover, outside the family circle, many Neepawa citizens found Simpson to be tight-fisted, difficult, and autocratic.
A tenant recalls that, despite strained financial conditions during the Depression, John Simpson, warmly wrapped in his bearskin coat during the winter months, would come in person to collect the rent; no excuses for late payments were accepted. Once a neighbour of the Simpsons was obliged to work at the relief camp in Riding Mountain, where the typical pay was five dollars a month. His daughter relates that her father offered to do odd jobs around the house and barn for Mr. Simpson. However, when it was time for the man to collect his pay, Simpson offered him not cash, but a pine box — the type that would be used to enclose a coffin. Since Simpson had been in the funeral business, he had some of these boxes on hand. The astonished worker, worried about feeding his family, asked what he was supposed to do with the coffin. "Use it as a wardrobe for clothes," John brusquely replied. Today that narrow, unadorned pine box, donated by the man's family, sits in the museum in Neepawa, as a reminder of the unforgettable "Dirty Thirties."
After Marg and the children were settled in the Big House with Grandpa Simpson, things continued to be difficult for each of them. The death of Peggy's father left her with deep feelings of loss and uncertainty: "There must have been a lot of suppressed unhappiness and bewilderment in my mind," she writes: "I used to walk in my sleep sometimes.... I've never forgotten that feeling of panic as I wakened and thought that perhaps I was going mad. We had very little money, and Mum was constantly worried... I felt helpless and sad, or silently angry a great deal of the time."
Despite the external stability and familiarity of Neepawa, her hometown now held palpable uncertainties for Peggy. Her anxious inner world was profoundly insecure; it was a place of pain too deep for words, where cataclysmic shifts had followed close upon the sudden eruptions of death. Peggy felt bereft in ways only those who have known the loss of parents in early childhood may fully understand.
In trying to convey her sense of the complexity of the world, as she experienced it in Neepawa, Laurence penned this description: "A strange place it was, that place where the world began. A place of incredible happenings, splendours and revelations, despairs like multitudinous pits of isolated hells. A place of shadow-spookiness, inhabited by the unknowable dead. A place of jubilation and of mourning, horrible and beautiful."
This passage underscores how profoundly Margaret Laurence as a child was struck by the paradoxical nature of life in Neepawa. As the years passed, a keen awareness of paradox was to become an established feature of her world view as a novelist. She mentioned this in several interviews and it is reflected in many passages of her work — from her first book, _A Tree for Poverty_ (a translation of Somali oral literature), to her final novel, _The Diviners_.
In a personal essay, "Where the World Began," Laurence again referred to the impact of her childhood and youth in Neepawa: "This was my territory in the time of my youth, and in a sense my life since then has been an attempt to look at it, to come to terms with it. Stultifying to the mind it certainly could be, and sometimes was, but not to the imagination. It was many things, but it was never dull."
In an effort to garner a more specific sense of Margaret Laurence's "territory" in the time of her youth, one may turn to her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_. That work, however, like all memoir, is selective, providing only a partial account of her life. In _Dance on the Earth_ Laurence has forgotten or omitted many details about her early years, and she provides scant autobiographical information about the crucial period between her father's death in 1935 and her entrance into high school in 1939. It may be possible, nevertheless, to discover something of the emotional tone of that period in the stories which comprise her collection, _A Bird in the House_. That is the book which Margaret Laurence referred to as her "most autobiographical work." But she also cautioned that the stories in it were "highly fictionalized." No doubt both statements are true, and an examination of _A Bird in the House_ may yield important insights into the emotional timbre of Margaret Laurence's own childhood as a strong desire to write gathered momentum within her.
### CHAPTER TWO
### A Bird in the House
_A Bird in the House_ is a collection of eight interconnected stories set in a small prairie town during the Great Depression, the "Dirty Thirties." In these stories Margaret Laurence creates a compelling fictional portrait of a young girl for whom writing has become very important amidst the many unpredictable events in her life. The stories are told by Vanessa, now a young adult and writer, who is recalling significant events in her childhood. In calling them to mind, Vanessa captures something of herself at a much younger age and adds new meaning to those experiences as she reflects on them and writes about them.
Since Margaret Laurence described these stories as semi-autobiographical, it is appropriate to examine them more closely. She noted:
[They] are based on myself & my family, when I was growing up in Neepawa, but are highly fictionalized. Manawaka, as is all my Canadian fiction, is partly based on my memories of my home town, but is also a town of the imagination, a fictional place not to be found on any maps except the maps of the mind. Vanessa is partly myself & partly a fictional person & the "brick house" is based on my memories of the old Simpson house but is also its own place.
In what sense does Laurence consider the stories to be autobiographical? The following remarks about childhood provide some insight. The novelist Graham Greene has indicated one of the ways in which a writer may use material from his or her youth. Since Laurence quoted this passage from Greene in one of her own essays, his remarks provide one avenue by which to approach Peggy Wemyss's early interest in fashioning stories: "The creative writer perceives his world once and for all in childhood and adolescence, and his whole career is an effort to illustrate his private world in terms of the great public world we all share."
After quoting Greene, Margaret Laurence added the following remarks:
I believe that Graham Greene is right in this statement. It does not mean that the individual does not change after adolescence. On the contrary, it underlines the necessity for change. For the writer, one way of discovering oneself, of changing from the patterns of childhood and adolescence to those of adulthood, is through the explorations inherent in the writing itself. In the case of a great many writers, this exploration... involves an attempt to understand one's background and one's past, sometimes even a more distant past which one has not personally experienced.
Although the fictional Vanessa MacLeod is depicted in some situations which parallel those in the life of young Peggy Wemyss, trying to establish a one-to-one correspondence between the details of Peggy's life and Vanessa's would be an unfortunate distraction. It would also diminish an appreciation of how Margaret Laurence's creative imagination functioned. Her comments in several letters about the semi-autobiographical quality of _A Bird in the House_ , suggest that it resides not in the facts, but in the remarkable emotional resonance that exists between what is known of Peggy's youth and that of the fictional Vanessa. An indication of such an emotional correspondence was related by Helen Porter, who has performed dramatizations of several works by Margaret Laurence. She recalls meeting with Laurence on at least four occasions in order to review material in _A Bird in the House_. After Margaret attended Porter's performance, she sent Helen a note saying, "I could not bear to hear it." Evidently those earlier emotions could still be keenly felt by Laurence. An examination of _A Bird in the House_ may well contribute to a fuller understanding of Laurence's childhood years than can be gathered solely from her own descriptions in _Dance on the Earth_.
The principal characters in _A Bird in the House_ are: Vanessa MacLeod (who is about ten years old in the opening story), her father, Ewen, a dedicated town doctor, and his wife, Beth. When Ewen dies, Vanessa, her baby brother, and her mother move into the home of Grandfather Connor. Several older relatives of Vanessa also have noteworthy roles in these short stories.
_A Bird in the House_ presents Vanessa's childhood world — one in which she experiences great loss: the death of her father; the illness of her mother; the absence of warmth and concern from her grandparents; and the torments of a neighbourhood bully. In these situations, which are also haunted by death and illness, neither Vanessa's mother nor her aunt can be relaxed or spontaneous. These women also suffer the consequences of financial problems that have made it necessary for them to return as adults to the family home, where their father, Timothy Connor, a stern authoritarian, exercises rigid control over life in his domain.
Various issues recur and bind the stories thematically. One of the most obvious is an unrelenting concern about money that permeates _A Bird in the House_. The Great Depression, which caused massive job losses throughout Canada's prairie provinces, forces Vanessa's Aunt Edna out of her job in Winnipeg and back into the family home in Manawaka. It pushes Uncle Dan to petition his brother Timothy Connor for money, prevents cousin Chris from enrolling at university, causes Grandfather Connor to worry about the taxes on his houses, and indirectly affects the health of Vanessa's mother and the new baby, since the family cannot afford either a nurse or a hired girl. Although no one loses his home or has to stand on a bread line, in contrast to situations that James Gray vividly recounts in _The Winter Years_ , nevertheless, in _A Bird in the House_ , plans are thwarted and lives irreversibly altered over and over again due to fiscal constraints and difficulties within the family.
Laurence's character, Vanessa, has a healthy curiosity and a strong imaginative gift, but she is reduced to silence and powerlessness in the despotic household of her grandfather, whose characteristic manner of speaking is described as "bludgeoning words." When Grandfather Connor persists in criticizing her cousin Chris, Vanessa feels "the old rage of helplessness." She hopes Chris will speak up for himself and his family, but he remains passive and strangely unaffected. Chris carries on as if he has not heard the old man's harsh remarks. Vanessa, on the other hand, is overwhelmed with anger and can barely refrain from delivering a sassy retort. She bites her tongue and remains silent, but that silence is achieved at a price. She holds back "with a terrible strained force for fear of letting go and speaking out and having the known world unimaginably fall to pieces" as a consequence of her _words_ , as the result of _speaking_ out. The youngster is torn between her desire to challenge Grandfather Connor and a great fear that doing so would have dreadful consequences.
In these stories Vanessa is enraged at various injustices within the family and keenly disappointed when relatives fail to defend a person or to correct a harsh misinterpretation of events. For instance, when her grandmother unfairly criticizes Aunt Edna, Vanessa expects her father to defend his sister-in-law, whom he likes, but he remains silent. Vanessa can barely control her rage at such an injustice.
One Sunday, when Dr. MacLeod has to make a house call, Grandfather Connor is annoyed because his son-in-law will be late for dinner. Vanessa staunchly defends her father, insisting, "It's not his fault." She then relates imaginary details about the sick man her father is attending, informing her grandfather that the patient is dying of pneumonia: "I'll bet you he's spitting up blood this very second." Although Vanessa has imagined that scenario, her own description of that patient affects her so powerfully that she begins to react as if she herself had the same symptoms: "All at once, I could not swallow, feeling as though that gushing crimson were constricting my own throat." Her response to the powers of her own imagination, however, is held in check as Vanessa-the-author intellectualizes about how such a situation might work out in fiction. She wonders whether "something like that would go well" in the story she is currently making up: "'Sick to death in the freezing log cabin, with only the beautiful halfbreed lady (no, woman) to look after him. Old Jebb suddenly clutched his throat.'"
At this point, Vanessa, who had felt helplessly enraged, begins to discover that she has achieved some power as an author. Her feelings of helplessness gradually dissipate. As time passes, she continues to use her imagination, creating stories when she is supposed to be listening to sermons at church or while walking home from skating. The stories she invents often contain feats of "spectacular heroism."
In "The Half-Husky," Vanessa cannot prevent the paperboy, Harvey, from cruelly taunting her dog, Nanuk. She becomes frustrated and furious over her helplessness. Unable to express that rage, she uses her imagination to alter the reality that confronts her. Although she is a child, Vanessa as an author is no longer powerless. She is able to exercise an exhilarating control over life and death. When she later recalls this situation as an adult, she reflects on how her imagination functioned creatively at that time: "My rage would spin me into fantasy — Harvey fallen into the deepest part of Wachakwa River, unable to swim, and Nanuk, capable of rescue but waiting for a signal from me. Would I speak or not? Sometimes I let Harvey drown. Sometimes at the last minute I spared him." She then reflects, "but none of this was much use except momentarily, and when the flamboyant theatre of my mind grew empty again, I still did not know what to do in reality." The emotional tenor of "The Half-Husky" may well mirror that of young Peggy Wemyss, who also had come to the realization that she could neither change nor prevent the inexorable unfolding of painful events and situations in her own life.
Another interesting story about coping with difficult situations by using the resources of the imagination occurs in "The Sound of the Singing." Vanessa is making costumes for her clothespin dolls, but when the dolls do not turn out as she had visualized them in her imagination, she becomes very upset. Her wrath is evident in the passage's strong verbs and adverbs: "[The doll's] wooden face, on which I had already pencilled eyes and mouth, grinned stupidly at me, and I leered viciously back. You'll be beautiful whether you like it or not, I told her."
Here the child-artist is determined to use her imagination and the power of words to transform reality — to create a better outcome than the one which actually confronts her. Laurence seems to be using the process of writing about such events, as another writer once noted, in order to feel less acutely things that would otherwise irritate beyond endurance, transform them into artistic experiences, and thereby soften their application to herself.
In "The Half-Husky," creating and shaping a fictional world is a survival mechanism for Vanessa, even though at times the power of real events is felt so strongly that her creative impulse can become blocked. Then Vanessa is unable to transform people and situations through writing about them. For example, she finds it impossible to continue writing a story about pioneers when she learns that her grandfather, whose behaviour and control she deeply resents, had himself been a pioneer. On another day, Vanessa becomes frightened when she hears Aunt Edna crying painfully. The youngster then races "home quickly" in order to destroy a story she had been writing based on Aunt Edna.
Margaret Laurence's presentation of childhood is conveyed with a sense of immediacy and a terrible poignancy. One of the arresting features of _A Bird in the House_ is the profound sense of Vanessa's isolation. Vanessa, unlike Emily, in Lucy Maud Montgomery's Canadian classic, _Emily of New Moon_ , is not depicted as having a close friend or friends, nor does she have an adult such as Dean Priest or Father Cassidy who understands Emily's writing and shows a sincere interest in it. Margaret Laurence's adults in _A Bird in the House_ are so absorbed with their own problems that they are oblivious to Vanessa's presence, even when she is in the same room. Emily of New Moon, on the other hand, not only has support and friendship, but she also speaks her mind with an honesty and frankness that would never have been tolerated in Vanessa's fictional "world" or, in the case of Peggy, in Grandfather Simpson's house.
Alone in a world of adults, Vanessa MacLeod listens, observes, and remains almost invisible. She realizes that, in Grandfather's household, her mother and aunt must be secretive. They seek refuge in the kitchen or in an upstairs bedroom where, between whispers, they sneak a cigarette and try to comfort each other. Vanessa, in turn, becomes adept at watching and listening. Although she registers her aunt's and mother's conversations and gestures, as a child, she does not fully grasp what is taking place.
The events and people in _A Bird in the House_ are seen through the eyes of a sensitive and observant youngster. When Vanessa recounts the conversations and behaviour of adults, she often refers to physical features that reveal their emotional states. Her awareness of the suffering of adults creates in her powerful feelings of sadness and anxiety. Vanessa recalls a look of "desolation" on her father's face. When she later hears sadness in his voice, she realizes he is worried. She also notices that her mother's face is rigid and apprehensive, and the "intricate lines of tiredness" that she sees there alarm her. Vanessa also remembers a sadness in both her mother and aunt: "I felt it as bodily hurt, like skinning a knee, a sharp, stinging pain. But I felt as well an obscure sense of loss. Some comfort had been taken from me, but I did not know what it was." After Aunt Edna's beau is driven out of the house by Grandfather Connor's rude and controlling behaviour, Vanessa watches her aunt put her head down on the table and cry "in a way I had never heard any person cry before, as though there were no end to it anywhere." Here, the words "never," "any," "no end," and "anywhere" convey a deep, unalterable sense of loss. In other stories fear is almost palpable.
One of the most poignant episodes occurs in "To Set Our House in Order." Vanessa's world is shattered when she is awakened at night by the sound of her mother crying: "I stood lest there be some sight more _terrifying_ than I could bear [emphasis added]." In another story, Vanessa is spending the night at her grandparents' house. She awakens with an uneasy feeling and goes for comfort to Aunt Edna. However, when she reaches Edna's bedroom door, Vanessa halts. She hears her favourite aunt crying painfully and becomes frightened. Then, "like some _terrified_ poltergeist I flitted back to the spare room and whipped into bed. I wanted only to forget that I had heard anything, but I knew I would not forget [emphasis added]."
The difficulties that her mother and aunt experience stem in large measure from the death of Dr. MacLeod and its consequences. Before her father died, Vanessa had a loving relationship with him. And because there is very little joy in her world after his death, the remembered scenes of closeness between father and daughter are all the more significant. In one story, Vanessa and her father go down to the lake at night to listen to the loons calling across the water. It is a magical moment. On another occasion, they go snowshoeing on a Sunday morning, and in the evening attend the church services they had missed earlier that day. Walking home afterwards, Vanessa wants to hold her father's hand, but she thinks she is too old for that. She decides instead to take long strides so they can walk side by side and her father will not have to adjust his pace to hers. Along the way, Vanessa asks her father about heaven and the afterlife. His reflective, honest responses comfort her, and Vanessa then reaches for his hand; father and daughter walk home together along the snow-covered streets.
One night after her father has come down with pneumonia, Vanessa is permitted to sleep with her mother. The child awakens in darkness. At first it seems as if she is in her own bed and everything is as usual. Then she becomes aware of her mother weeping, and instinctively realizes that her father has died:
Then in the total night around me, I heard a sound. It was my mother, and she was crying, not loudly at all, but from somewhere very deep inside her. I sat up in bed. Everything seemed to have stopped, not only in time but my own heart and blood as well. Then my mother noticed that I was awake.
I did not ask her and she did not tell me anything. There was no need. She held me in her arms, or I held her, I am not certain which.
Vanessa's memories of adults weeping are connected to profound feelings of anxiety, loss and grief. She cannot be sure that these adults, from whom children ordinarily expect comfort and reassurance, will be able to serve as her protectors against unknown elements in the wider world. To what extent can young Vanessa now count on her mother or aunts to be a bulwark of strength and security for her? The answer to that question is neither hopeful nor reassuring.
The fictional Vanessa recalls, "After my father died, the whole order of life was torn. Nothing was known or predictable any longer. For months, I lived almost entirely within myself." In the days that followed, she remained near her mother, both to console herself and because she felt that her mother needed her protection, "I did not know from what, nor what I could possibly do, but something held me there [close beside my mother]."
There are significant parallels between the wording in this story and Margaret Laurence's own account in her memoirs. There she states that one night she awakened to the sound of Mum crying and realized immediately that her father had died. She remembers feeling very helpless in the days that followed. She was not yet nine, but she wanted "to protect Mum." As an adult, Margaret Laurence could recall very few memories from that time "apart from not wanting to let Mum out of my sight. I remember the two of us together. I don't remember much about anybody else."
If one looks at the fictional narratives in _A Bird in the House_ and at Laurence's own memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_ , the emotional correspondence between Vanessa MacLeod and Peggy Wemyss is clear and compelling. The narrative unfolding of these stories is so convincing that one feels the fiction must have been fashioned from the very fabric of Margaret Laurence's own emotional experiences in childhood. Laurence's comments in her memoirs underscore that link: "our father Robert Wemyss died of pneumonia. I have written about this in a story called 'A Bird in the House.' The story is fiction, but in that particular story, fiction follows facts pretty closely."
If these stories are, as Margaret Laurence asserts, her most autobiographical work, they offer a significant insight into those important and impressionable years of early childhood. She was a youngster who lived chiefly in a world of adults; she saw their pain and was helpless to alter or improve situations. However, a strong desire to write and a talent for writing developed during those same years and, over time, as will be shown in more detail, that desire and talent came to provide her with some degree of control and escape from the pain and frustration that threatened her well-being. Later, Laurence would draw on the emotional tenor of those experiences to create the stories in _A Bird in the House_.
Although Vanessa and Peggy's lives certainly differ in significant details, the fact that Margaret Laurence created a character who was also a young writer, and had the story unfold when Vanessa is at approximately the same age that Laurence herself was when she faced similar situations, invites a close reading of these stories. There is a strong emotional congruence between the two girls. As children, Peggy and Vanessa experience a profound sadness that is often accompanied by feelings of isolation, loss, powerlessness, and rage. Subtle references to such emotions also occur frequently in Laurence's memoirs. After such terribly bleak childhood years, however, an unexpected turn of events was to prove fortunate for young Peggy Wemyss. In the autumn of 1938, three years after the death of her father, a wondrous year at school began to unfold.
### CHAPTER THREE
### The Magic of Writing
#### 1938-1940
The boys and girls of Grade Seven stopped fidgeting and cocked their heads, listening to their teacher's footsteps echo in the corridor. As Wes McAmmond approached the classroom, his strong tenor voice rose and he entered, reciting:
The goldenrod is yellow,
The corn is turning brown.
The trees in apple orchards
With fruit are bending down.
............
By all these lovely tokens
September's days are here.
With summer's best of weather
And autumn's best of cheer.
As Peggy sat in Wes McAmmond's class that September morning, her life was about to undergo a sea change. Her Grade Seven teacher was a man who loved literature and his pupils. Still in his twenties, Wes McAmmond's blue eyes twinkled as he recited poems from memory. He exuded energy and good humour. He was unfazed by things. He was Peggy's first male teacher, an extraordinary gift, a refreshing change from the maiden ladies and widows who had taught her up to that point. McAmmond's concern for his students and his ability to enjoy things made him an exhilarating and comforting presence in Peggy's life. He was a teacher she never forgot.
Wes McAmmond had grown up in Winnipeg. At the age of eighteen he went to teacher-training and then taught in country schools, where his annual salary was five hundred dollars. When he came to Neepawa, McAmmond was young, but experienced, and within a few years, in 1941, he was appointed principal of the elementary school. His abilities became well-known, and later McAmmond joined the faculty of Manitoba Teachers' College.
Wes McAmmond's influence on Peggy was deep and lasting. His class changed her life. She remarked: "Grade seven, when I was twelve, was an exciting year. Our teacher was a man who actually cracked jokes in class. We adored him. He was our hero." Peggy showed him some stories she had written, and he gave her "kindly criticism." He encouraged both her writing and her interest in reading, and he listened to her enthusiastic outpourings about some of the books she had read, including, that year, Arthur Conan Doyle's _The White Company_ , which she recalled borrowing from the school library "at least half a dozen times." Wes McAmmond remembers that Peggy "was keen on Kipling, and enjoyed Kim."
In Grade Seven, the curriculum required pupils to study an abridged version of a Shakespearian play: either _The Tempest, Julius Caesar_ , or As _You Like It_. According to McAmmond, that year it was _The Tempest_. Mr. McAmmond liked to stage plays with his students up in the "attic," the top floor of the school. Once, Peggy showed him a play she had written, based on _The White Company:_ "It was filled with knights and lords and ladies." They also studied the songs from Shakespeare, and McAmmond warmly recalls students memorizing speeches such as "Sweet Are the Uses of Adversity" from As _You Like It_.
Because he was fond of reciting poetry, McAmmond encouraged his pupils to commit poems to memory. Many of his former students quickly attest to the success of his efforts. On one occasion a lad who had become a truck driver was so delighted years later to see his former teacher that he rushed up to McAmmond at a gas station and began reciting lines from Shakespeare. Memorization of poetry, of course, was also a requirement in schools in the province of Manitoba.
During Grade Seven, Peggy's class used an edition of the _The Canada Book of Prose and Verse, Book Three_ that included works by British authors, a few Americans, and many Canadians — poets such as Charles G.D. Roberts, Marjorie Pickthall, Bliss Carman, Robert Service, and Duncan Campbell Scott. _The Canada Book of Prose and Verse_ also had a wide-ranging selection of prose, with excerpts from fiction, biography, and essays. It did not take long for Peggy to finish that book on her own. There never seemed to be enough material for her to read.
During much of Peggy's childhood there was no public library in Neepawa or the nearby communities. In fact, one of Peggy's high-school teachers recalls that, when she arrived in Neepawa during the 1930s, the "library shelves were empty, not even a set of encyclopedias." Aside from borrowing books from friends or from the very limited Sunday-school library, there were few avenues for obtaining good books or new books during the Great Depression. Available cash was reserved for essentials. However, Peggy's family enjoyed reading, and her home had more books than most others in Neepawa. Nevertheless, she quickly read through the books at home, including a set of Kipling's works, and she remembers, as do several other writers of her generation, awaiting the arrival of the Eaton's catalogue — something new to read. Marg Wemyss, herself an avid reader, worked diligently for months with a small group of citizens, including Wes McAmmond, Mildred Musgrove, Bill Spratt, and Principal Herb Ray to establish the town's first lending library, membership by subscription.
Once that subscription library was established, Peggy continued to read omnivorously. Now current best-sellers were available, in addition to the older classics that her family owned. By the time Peggy was in Grade Seven, the library, staffed by volunteers, was open twice a week. Among the new titles that year were books of travel and adventure set in far-off countries and other centuries: _Northwest Passage, Khyber Caravan, Henry of Navarre, A Japanese Lady in Europe_ , as well as _Gone with the Wind, The Citadel_ , and _Ordeal in England_.
At school Peggy's interest in books was furthered by Wes McAmmond, who frequently read to his class because he "liked to and because they enjoyed it." In addition to Arthur Conan Doyle's _The White Company_ , he read them _Three Times and Out_ , a war-protest book published in 1918 and edited by Nellie McClung, an older Manitoba writer and social activist. The hero of _Three Times and Out_ is Private Simmons, a young lad from Manitoba. After many remarkable efforts, he finally escapes from a prisoner-of-war camp and returns to Canada. Peggy, with her active imagination, may have thought of the young Manitoba soldier as a comrade-inarms to her own father and his younger brother, Jack, both of whom had seen action in Europe during the Great War.
According to Wes McAmmond, Peggy's friends were from the professional class and comfortable financially. Mona Spratt was the ringleader of their group, and McAmmond recalls thinking at the time that Peggy and her friends belonged to a snobbish sort of clique and were rather gossipy. But since McAmmond considered his own background to be working-class (his father worked for the railroad), he would have been sensitive to small-town exclusionary social circles. Nevertheless, Mr. McAmmond liked Peggy, called her "a fine girl," and was helpful to her.
In fact, when she returned to Neepawa in 1975 for the first time since becoming a successful novelist, Wes McAmmond met her at the airport. On the way back from Neepawa, they talked about Louis Riel, the Métis leader of the Northwest Rebellion (1885). As they drove along Portage Avenue in Winnipeg, McAmmond decided to surprise Margaret by continuing on to St. Boniface because she had never seen Riel's final resting place or his monument there.
The summer after Grade Seven was critical in Peggy's development. "My childhood could be said to have ended in the summer and autumn of 1939," she wrote in her memoirs. There were two major events for her during those months. The first was a visit to a "much-loved" older cousin, Bud Bailey, and his family on their farm, north of Riding Mountain. Laurence included a poem to Bud in _Dance on the Earth_. It seems that as a youngster she felt a romantic interest in her cousin; something fairly typical for a girl of thirteen. She knew Bud well, because he had been attending school in Neepawa, but she did not know the rest of his family. When Peggy reached their farm that summer, she felt shy and lonely. She was also upset. What she saw at the farm was markedly different from the description Bud had painted for her, one drawn in part from his imagination. That disturbing visit was a landmark for Peggy, as she saw in full measure how reality can play havoc with one's dreams. She also realized how Bud's future would be determined by his family's meagre resources. As things turned out, his life was marked by sadness. Although he very much wanted to attend university, there was no money for that. So, in the autumn of 1939, Bud Bailey enlisted in the army. He subsequently suffered a nervous breakdown while overseas, and was sent back to Canada, where he had to be hospitalized. He never completely recovered and over the years had many subsequent hospitalizations. For Peggy, Cousin Bud was a grim reminder of war's other casualties.
The second major event for Peggy in 1939 occurred in September, when Canada entered the Second World War. She had been visiting in the home of other relatives, Bob and Elizabeth Pennie, when the news was broadcast over the radio. The recruiting officers soon arrived in Neepawa. Her cousin Bob enlisted and served in France, where he perished in a burning tank in 1944.
"We didn't know what war would mean," she later noted. "In a vague way, we felt tremendously excited." Adults, however, were more apprehensive than the teenagers. Within days of Canada's entry into the war, forty young men from Neepawa and the surrounding area had gone to Winnipeg by truck to be examined "for a soldier." One citizen remarked, "It was awful to send our boys away like cattle." Among the enlistees were several from the same family, including the three oldest Pasquill brothers. Nevertheless, it would require time for the impact of war's reality to be felt by Peggy and her teenaged friends.
Grade Eight seems to have been unremarkable in terms of her schooling. Peggy was now spending more time on her writing, and in her memoirs she recounts a crucial decision that she made after her fourteenth birthday in the summer of 1940. As she was walking up the stairs at the Big House, the thought suddenly came to her with enormous strength: "I have to be a writer." Although she had written poems, plays, and stories since childhood, the idea of actually becoming a writer seems suddenly to have become very clear to her. And being of a practical as well as an imaginative bent, Peggy began saving her earnings from babysitting so that she could help pay for her first typewriter, a secondhand Remington that her Aunt Ruby had found for her. Now she intended to prepare for her career by taking a typing course when she began high school in the fall.
#### READING AND WRITING: THE EARLIER YEARS
In _Dance on the Earth_ and her essay "Books That Mattered to Me," Margaret Laurence mentions a number of books that had an impact on her during her youth. Among them she cites _Sowing Seeds in Danny_ by Nellie McClung as "a real influence." Laurence reports that she had admired "the indomitable Pearlie, holding the family together against vast difficulties." Other novels that influenced her then were: _Kidnapped, The White Company, Kim, Anne of Green Gables_ , and _Emily of New Moon_. Should one consider these novels as an indication of a youngster's typical interest in gripping narrative and heroic tales of adventure or did their appeal for young Peggy lie in something she may not have been consciously aware of: the main character in each book is an orphan.
The central character in each of these novels yearns to be reunited somehow with family. As the fictional orphans strive heroically to overcome daunting situations and find a safe haven in their world, they grow in resourcefulness and moral character. Their personal strengths may well have attracted Peggy Wemyss as a youngster — more, perhaps, than the adult Margaret Laurence would later remember.
Although the stirring adventures of the clever and intrepid fictional orphans in _Kidnapped_ (R.L. Stevenson); _The White Company_ (Arthur Conan Doyle); and _Kim_ (Rudyard Kipling) appealed to Peggy, she may have been more excited and also a bit overwhelmed by reading Lucy Maud Montgomery's _Emily of New Moon_. In that novel, Peggy Wemyss discovered uncanny resemblances between her own life and that of the fictional Emily Starr, a Canadian girl about her own age and from a background very similar to hers, although the setting is different. In the life of Emily, as in Peggy's life, the mother dies after a brief illness when the child is only four. Then, each father dies when his daughter is about nine. Peggy would have been moved by an early scene in _Emily of New Moon_ when Emily's father, aware of his imminent death, tells his daughter: "Death isn't terrible. The universe is full of love — and spring comes everywhere — and in death you open and shut a door. There are beautiful things on the other side of the door. I'll find your mother there... I've never doubted that."
Those were words Peggy would have wanted to hear from her own father, and they made the novel very personal to her. Perhaps, like Emily Starr, she too wrote poems or letters to her deceased father.
Among other similarities between the fictional Emily from Prince Edward Island and Peggy Wemyss from Neepawa are these: both have two unmarried aunts who figure prominently in their lives. Emily and Peggy also share a vivid, compelling, and imaginative gift, by which, as Emily said, "anything might happen and everything might come true." Both girls are determined to become writers, and they find special places away from the family where they can write, taking pains to conceal their notebooks.
Emily Starr turned to writing under circumstances that would have resonated with Peggy, who had not found in Neepawa other children as interested in language, poetry, and literature as she was. Reading about the life of the fictional Emily must have been a real comfort to Peggy.
Emily Starr, like Peggy, takes her writing very seriously. When Emily feels close to tears, she pulls out her stubby pencil and the old yellow account book and begins to write. As she does, Emily forgets her relatives, the Murrays, although she is writing about them, and she forgets her humiliation, even though she is describing what had happened. She is content while she is writing and searching for the right word, and gives a happy sigh when she finds it. In _Emily of New Moon_ , Peggy read about a girl of her own age who, much like herself, yearned to write, to express her feelings, and to dramatize.
It would be a mistake, however, to assume that, in terms of Peggy's development as a writer, extensive reading was sufficient, or that she learned to write as an eager pupil in Wes McAmmond's Grade Seven class and while working her solitary way toward success the next year by crafting a story about pioneers. One important factor in Laurence's literary development (which has hitherto been overlooked) is the impact of the _Winnipeg Free Press_. In her memoirs she states that as an adolescent she entered writing contests which the newspaper sponsored. These two brief references in _Dance on the Earth_ fail to convey any sense of the enormous impact that the _Winnipeg Free Press_ had on her literary development when she was submitting her writing to them during her teenage years.
The _Winnipeg Free Press_ was an influential daily paper, with a wide circulation that extended well beyond the province. During the Second World War, for example, sections were routinely sent to Canadian troops overseas. On Saturdays, it also had had a magazine supplement. During 1940-1941, while Peggy was in Grade Eight, it carried these features: a weekly column by Manitoban writer-activist Nellie McClung; serialized fiction (Sinclair Lewis's _Bethel Merriday_ appeared for several months); and comic strips such as "Little Orphan Annie," "Charlie Chan," "Moon Mullins," "Li'l Abner," "Blondie," "Mickey Mouse," "Little Hiawatha," "Jane Arden," and "Off the Record." It also had a remarkable "Young Authors' Section," which usually appeared on page six.
While other Canadian papers did have a "Children's Page," the "Young Authors' Section" of the _Winnipeg Free Press_ was directed primarily to advanced amateur writers. Seven columns wide, the "Young Authors' Section" was not a typical children's page. Although two columns were reserved for those under thirteen, the rest of the page was devoted to the work of writers between the ages of thirteen and thirty. Very young writers could find pen pals there, receive advice, and see some of their letters or poems in print. It should be noted that several children in the under-thirteen group wrote very maturely. A boy of ten, for example, defended his grammar in an interesting exchange of letters with the editor. He explained his idea and then told the editor that the verb he had used ("will lay") was transitive and hence he had used it correctly.
The "Young Authors' Section" received submissions and letters from all over the English-speaking world: England, Scotland, Wales, Australia, New Zealand, India, and Hong Kong, as well as Canada and the United States. From those letters and from the editor's remarks, it is clear that people older than thirty regularly read the page. During 1940-41, among the frequent contributors were two Canadian servicemen: James Baker and Alfred Purdy. Al Purdy, then twenty-two, was in the RCAF. Many years later he became one of Margaret's close friends and an acclaimed poet.
Reading the _Winnipeg Free Press_ enabled Peggy to overcome the geographic and social isolation that often surrounds youngsters who hope to become writers. Each Saturday, she avidly read the "Young Authors' Section" and found in it literary companionship as well as reassurance about her own work. There she discovered real literary challenges, and there in 1940, at the age of fourteen, she hoped to be published. Not only did Peggy submit work to the "Young Authors' Section," but she also wrote to the editor. Contact with the _Winnipeg Free Press_ played a very significant role in her literary apprenticeship. It was a place to learn from the work of others, as well as from the editor's advice. Having one's writing treated with seriousness and respect was a great encouragement to an aspiring young writer such as Peggy.
Although she lived in the safety and familiarity of her grandfather's house and her hometown, when Peggy read Saturday's _Winnipeg Free Press_ , she became a citizen of the world. She was made aware of countries and events far beyond Manitoba or Canada. In the "Young Authors' Section," people from the English-speaking world joined one another on the page in their shared love of literature and an earnest pursuit of excellence in writing.
Aspiring authors sent in essays and science fiction, romance, mystery, travel, and adventure stories, as well as poetry. Encouragement and constructive criticism were heaped on those reader-contributors by a dedicated editor, who not only showed an interest in the writer's submission, but frequently made reference to a previous contribution by that person. The editor's attention and responsiveness were most encouraging, particularly for younger writers whose peer group often reacted with indifference or intolerance to their love of literature and their desire to write.
The "Young Authors' Section" set very high standards for its readers and contributors, and writers were urged to improve their skills. The editor, for example, advised them: "Try and imagine _David Copperfield_ written in the third person instead of the first." Referring to another book, the editor pointed out sophisticated elements in the entry: "the vivid fourth paragraph introduces an element of dread and suspense, then there is the strangeness of the climax, and the simile of the machine." One young contributor's four-stanza poem was commended for its "Herrick-like smoothness and spontaneity," an allusion to Robert Herrick, a major seventeenth-century poet. All in all, the "Young Authors' Section" of the _Winnipeg Free Press_ was unusually sophisticated. The talented efforts of many young writers were fostered through the personal attention given to their work and the editor's responses to their letters. Contributors were reminded: "Writing is a gift, but it also requires hard, severe labour."
Each week during the early years of the war this section also featured a photograph, often of well-known English sites that had been ravaged by bombs, among them Westminster Abbey, London's Parliament buildings, Manchester Cathedral, and the BBC offices. The captions and related articles expressed pride in being part of the British Empire and the importance of loyalty to Britain. However, on a number of occasions, Canadian contributors addressed matters that were quite specific to Canada. R.H. Grenville asked "When are we going to get a poem about a wheat field that is as truly representative of its subject, and at the same time as sincerely a work of art as Wordsworth's 'Little Celandine'?" Grenville also commented: "Never will there be a lack of prairie or country color — first-hand, native color. None of your palms and magnolia, but the prairie crocus, the goldenrod, the flower on the flax." A Manitoban contributor made a passionate plea for attention to Canadian subject matter and concluded with the statement: "We are struggling to become craftsmen, to smithy our language in a common fire."
Editorials in this section often mentioned the importance of respecting the diversity of the cultures that made up Canada in the mid-twentieth century. That concern was also emphasized in an article, "Banishing the 'Beau Hunk' from the Canadian Vocabulary." The young contributor emphasized the dignity of immigrants, their contributions to life in North America, and the way in which their many languages had enriched the English vocabulary. The article closed with an appeal that derogatory terms such as "bohunk" be banished from Canadian speech.
On Saturday, the "Young Authors' Section," following Matthew Arnold's dictum about literary "touchstones," also published and discussed the work of well-known authors, particularly poets. During Peggy's first year of high school (1940-1941), it featured work by D.H. Lawrence, John Drinkwater, John Milton, Alfred Noyes, Vita Sackville-West, Walter de la Mare, Emily Dickinson, A.E. Housman, James Stephens, and Rabindranath Tagore. The section's editor, in turn, challenged the young contributors and responded frankly to their inquiries:
Since you want criticism we will say frankly that your poems showed the influence of moralistic commonplace versifying rather than of the distillations of the supreme poets. Wordsworth was a moralizer but still more he was a poet; and he was great despite, not because of his moralizing....
Our advice is to take the master poets, including Tennyson and Keats, the Shakespeare sonnets, and some of the moderns such as Walter de la Mare, to form your standards on. Let us hear from you again.
These remarks, obviously, were directed to young adults who were serious about writing, who had read broadly and worked diligently to improve their work. It was assumed that these contributors would want to familiarize themselves with the work of famous predecessors. The editor called attention not only to the great names of the past but also to more recent writers such as Wilfred Owen, Edna St.Vincent Millay, Rudyard Kipling, Richard Llewellyn, W.H. Davis, Henry Sidel Canby (biographer and critic), and Clement Wood, who had recently published a handbook for poets.
The editor took for granted that these aspiring writers, as well as the readers, were genuinely interested in words, and used a dictionary that gave Latin or Greek roots, as well as suffixes and prefixes. "You enjoy understanding the build of a word," the editor advised, instructing them also to develop keen ears for diction, "for how clean-cut and well-voiced words can be uttered." Errors in pronunciations heard over the radio were pointed out: for example, that Anthony Eden's first name had been pronounced with a "th," and that "Sofia" had been incorrectly accented on the first syllable.
For aspiring writers, one of the most exciting and challenging features of Saturday's _Winnipeg Free Press_ was the writing contests. Not only were readers encouraged to submit work, but they also were reminded of the achievements of others their age — for example, that Laura Goodman Salverson of Manitoba, winner of a 1939 Governor General's award, had begun her short-story career at the age of _twelve_ with a story printed in an American magazine, and that recently a young contributor from Flin Flon, Manitoba, had been published in the prestigious _Christian Science Monitor_.
In the summer of 1940, following Peggy's graduation from Grade Eight, the _Winnipeg Free Press_ once again announced its annual short-story contest. The contest required a six-chapter serial on any subject; each chapter had to contain from 1,200 to 1,800 words (the total number of words, therefore, would fall between 7,200 and 10,800). Winners were to be announced in September.
Peggy Wemyss entered that contest. After her fourteenth birthday in July, she had felt a calling to be "a writer." Now, if she won the writing contest, she would have the opportunity of seeing her work in print for the first time. Entering that contest was a very ambitious step for her. In doing so, Peggy left a sheltered situation in which she had shown her writing only to a respected Grade Seven teacher and entered a more challenging and uncertain world, one in which, at the age of fourteen, she would be competing with some of the best young writers, not only from the province, but also from other parts of the English-speaking world.
"I desperately needed my manuscript typed so I could enter [the contest]," Laurence recalled. Her story about Canadian pioneers, "The Land of Our Fathers," would have totalled about thirty-five typed pages. With an entry of that length, no wonder she sought the help of Aunt Ruby's secretary to meet the deadline. However when Margaret Laurence later talked about this early effort, she was dismissive of it. She treated it off-handedly and mentioned casually that her story had filled "two or three scribblers." Such comments give the erroneous impression that her youthful effort was rather insignificant and ephemeral. Those who interviewed Margaret Laurence in later years probably were not aware of the calibre of writing in the "Young Authors' Section," or of the challenge that such a contest presented to a young, aspiring writer. In reality, Peggy must have worked very hard on her entry, because she certainly was aware that the short-story contests sponsored by the _Winnipeg Free Press_ were very competitive and judged by exacting standards.
Did Peggy relish time spent shaping her submission or did she agonize over her efforts? Did she think her entry would stand a chance? At least she would know the outcome of the contest by Thanksgiving.
### CHAPTER FOUR
### Hitler in Manitoba: The High School Years
In early September 1940, Peggy walked a few blocks from her grandfather's house on First Avenue to the local high school, Neepawa Collegiate Institute (NCI). An attractive brick building built in 1928, it could easily accommodate its student body of about 120. Under the leadership of principal, J.E. Sigurjonsson, the high school enjoyed a reputation for good teaching.
Peggy was to spend four formative years at Neepawa Collegiate Institute. There, among classmates who were friends, she participated in important school activities: playing violin in the orchestra, serving as convenor of the debating team, participating in various war-relief efforts, and working hard for two years as editor of the school's paper: _Annals of the Black and Gold_. At NCI, Peggy demonstrated team spirit as well as leadership ability.
Although the faculty was small, those men and women made up in energy and dedication for lack of numbers. In high school, Peggy found teachers who encouraged her writing and took an interest in her personal development. Among that staff, Connie Offen and Mildred Musgrove were to figure in significant ways in Peggy's life. Over the years, she sustained her connections to both women, staying in touch by mail, sending news of her children and her publications, and, when the opportunity arose, visiting each of them.
Mildred Musgrove, from Boissevain, was adviser to _Annals of the Black and Gold_. She also taught English Literature, as well as typing and shorthand. While Miss Musgrove could be strict in class, she was devoted to the students' welfare and lent her support to many extracurricular activities, such as the drama club, girls' gymnastic events, and track meets. A keen golfer and excellent curler, Mildred Musgrove was sometimes asked by students to serve as their team's "skip" during a bonspiel competition.
Connie Offen, born in Rivers, Manitoba, was the daughter of a master-printer who had emigrated from England and founded the weekly _Rivers' Gazette_. She had grown up in a household where books were a staple of life. Upon joining the faculty at NCI, Miss Offen taught Latin, French, and English Composition. She also coached drama and directed the school's small orchestra. She excelled at curling and was also an outstanding tennis player, competing frequently in provincial and Western tournaments.
Marjorie Osborn, the youngest female member of the NCI staff, taught Home Economics as well as English and Music. The vice-principal, Herb Ray, taught Science and Maths. When he had moved with his family to Neepawa in the 1930s, he had been an avid tennis player. However, not long after that move, he contracted a bad case of polio. Although Herb Ray eventually regained the ability to walk, he did so with some difficulty. Former students recall his determination and patriotism during the war years, when Mr. Ray, despite his disability and attendant pain, frequently drilled with the Neepawa Air Cadets.
In the 1930s, years of the Great Depression, pupils often left high school after Grade Ten in order to join the labour force and help support the family. After Canada joined England in 1939 to fight the Axis powers, young boys left school to enlist in the armed services. The remaining students who did complete Grade Twelve at a collegiate, which was the equivalent of first year college, were admitted to university as sophomores. This was later to be Peggy's experience.
When she entered NCI in September 1940, Peggy was one of twenty-nine pupils in Grade Nine. There were a few students from surrounding areas, whom Peggy did not know, but most of the faces were familiar to her. A former neighbour, Jack Coutts, was then editor of the school's paper; David Rabinovitch was president of the student body; and the vice-president, Louceil Crawford, was the older sister of Peggy's friend Margie.
For Freshman Day, Grade Nine students were obliged to dress in silly outfits and perform embarrassing pranks. In the evening, Laurence recalls, there was a Sadie Hawkins dance. Before beginning high school, Peggy had taken lessons in ballroom dancing at Mum's behest, but she was embarrassed by the whole idea and soon stopped going. Nevertheless, in time Peggy did become a fine dancer. She had a keen sense of rhythm and a love of music, and throughout her life would enjoy dancing. The title of her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_ , applies both to Margaret Laurence's enduring delight in dancing as well as a spiritual approach to her life's work.
When Peggy and her friends began their high-school studies, radio reports and newspaper headlines carried ominous news of the Second World War's escalation. That September, the _Winnipeg Free Press_ headlines were sombre and unsettling: "Huge Attack on London Fails," "U-Boat Torpedoes Shipload of Children," "Japanese Fliers Bomb Canadian Liner." While England tightened its coastal defences against a possible invasion, Nazi bombers attacked London. When Peggy scanned the Saturday newspaper, she saw photos of the destruction caused by bombing raids and read articles about life in wartime England and stories about combat, such as "My Thirty Days in Hell." Little by little, the war was beginning to invade her consciousness.
On September 28, eager to find out the contest results, Peggy opened the _Winnipeg Free Press_ and learned that she had not won the short-fiction contest. First prize went to a contestant whose entry dealt with the present war. His story was praised for a good plot and "a Canadian setting faithfully presented." Another contestant, however, was chided because her entry repeated a pattern she had used "with previous heroines" and because it had a "certain theatricality and anachronism." Clearly, the standards were high, and it would not be easy to satisfy such attentive editors. Peggy's disappointment over her failure to win was lessened, however, when she noticed her name in the very first sentence of a column headed, "Specially Good." Her entry, "The Land of Our Fathers," was singled out for praise. In addition to offering favourable comments, the editors said that they hoped to print Peggy's story in a future issue
Ambitious to succeed, Peggy continued to work at her writing whenever she could. Later that autumn, she submitted a detective story to another _Winnipeg Free Press_ contest. Once again she waited for the results. She was learning, as good writers must, that rejections should not signal the end of their efforts. Peggy had begun to develop a resolve, a determination, that would later come into play during the years of her serious apprenticeship.
During December, she was asked by Miss Offen to write a Christmas play for her Sunday-school class — a play with enough parts for each child. Perhaps that was not a great challenge for Peggy, but she was interested in drama and this was an opportunity to try her hand. She soon produced the required script. That month she also wrote a long, enthusiastic review of a play and six skits performed by fellow NCI students. Published in _Annals of the Black and Gold_ , the review marks her first appearance in the school paper. It was an encouraging accomplishment for a Grade Nine student who hoped to become a writer.
On Saturdays, when Peggy scanned the _Winnipeg Free Press_ for news about the contest winners, she would have seen lengthy film reviews and photos promoting two new movies: "The Great Dictator," starring Charlie Chaplin as Hitler — a film destined to become a classic — and "The Thief of Baghdad," based on a well-known tale from _The Arabian Nights_. The producers of this action-packed movie had managed to create for the screen "a living, moving, 200-foot-high Djinn." When these films came to Neepawa, everyone in town flocked to the Roxy to see them. Peggy and her friends probably went too. The film would have been a dramatic visual introduction to the Middle East.
The Christmas 1940 issue of the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ featured a story by Peggy, "The Case of the Golden Spaniel," which has not been noted before. Written in diary format by a character named Nancy Grayson, "The Case of the Golden Spaniel," is very similar to another of her efforts, "The Case of the Blond Butcher." Both show the influence of _Emily of New Moon_ , one of Peggy's favourite books. A few days after Christmas, Grandmother Margaret Harrison Wemyss died in Ontario. Although she had left Neepawa some years before to join her daughter there, Peggy had visited with her and the family in Ontario. Now, another death in the immediate family would have been upsetting to the sensitive teenager.
At NCI, Peggy was now in charge of the War Savings Drive for Grade Nine. She also worked on the school paper, and although she had stopped taking music lessons, she continued to play violin in the school's small orchestra. That year, the orchestra, using handsome new black-and-gold music stands made by the boys in shop class, played at Knox Presbyterian Church's "fall fowl supper," the Red Cross Tea, and various school functions. Peggy considered herself merely competent as a violinist, and later downplayed her musical interests and ability. This may have been due to the knowledge that her own mother had been a very fine musician — a significant accomplishment in a town that had many excellent musicians and singers and was justly proud of its musical traditions.
During the winter months, the younger Neepawans enjoyed snowCanada Book of Prose and Verse, Bookshoeing, skating, musical gatherings, and the weekly feature at the picture show. The farmers used that time to sharpen fence posts, take care of harnesses, and tend to a host of chores around the barn and house. Many of the women darned, baked, quilted, looked after the poultry, and undertook seasonal household chores. From time to time Peggy, too, enjoyed baking thimble cookies with "Mum." Then she would don a thimble, put a dint in the cookie, and fill it with jam. Such familiar aspects of life on the prairie were later to appear in Laurence's Manawaka fiction.
On January 18 Peggy was excited to see that her detective story, "The Case of the Blond Butcher: A Wanted Man," Part I, had been published in the magazine section of the _Winnipeg Free Press._ There, too, in a prominent position on the Young Authors' page she read with amazement:
To Jean Margaret Wemyss: Thank you for what you say about our corrections in the stories and poems. You didn't give us much work on "The Case of the Blond Butcher. "You do not need after this to be shy about sending in anything you like, Jean, "The Case of the Blond Butcher," for the effort of a fourteen-year old author, does you great credit.
She reread that last sentence. "You do not need after this to be shy about sending in anything you like, Jean, 'The Case of the Blond Butcher'... does you great credit."
Could it be true that she had actually entered the ranks of published authors? Last summer's decision to become a writer now began to seem less like a dream and more like a reality. As Peggy held the newspaper in her hands, she was elated by this tangible recognition and by the editor's encouragement — something for which all young writers yearn. Not long after, she received her first fan letter. It was from a boy in Winnipeg. Peggy's reaction to his letter seems extreme, but it signals the kind of ambivalence about being recognized as a writer that was to persist for a number of years. "I was so embarrassed," she recalls, "I didn't know what to do, so I threw it in the kitchen wood stove before Mum could see it and I never told a living soul." Peggy's world now had shifted. She had become a newly published and praised young writer; but life in Neepawa continued to move according to its usual and predictable rhythms. Externally, nothing had changed.
The plot of "The Case of the Blond Butcher" revolves around a suspected theft that, in fact, was not a theft at all. While this early effort at fiction is not in itself remarkable, Peggy does manage to create some suspense and generate interest along a secondary plot line that deals with minor personality conflicts among the young characters in the story. Despite stereotypical adolescent phrases such as "a darling housecoat," "simply sweet," and "I was perfectly frantic," Peggy writes dialogue well for her age and shows an interest in capturing colloquial speech.
Winter sports events continued at Neepawa Collegiate. Early in February, curling, a popular and challenging ice sport, required extra rinks for NCI's bonspiel against nearby high schools in Minnedosa and Gladstone. While Peggy liked curling, and the main rink was near her home, in Neepawa curling was chiefly the sport of adults. Moreover, Peggy was never athletically inclined, a situation that was partially the consequence of her poor eyesight (a fact she had concealed during her earlier school years). However, she did enjoy skating with her friends.
One Saturday in mid-March, a blizzard began, stranding the shoppers in town. Prairie folks were used to winter storms, however, and Neepawans opened their homes on such occasions. Peggy's experience with prairie winters was to affect her attitude toward winter all her life. Years later, living in Lakefield, Ontario, Margaret Laurence complained when the snow quickly turned to slush. She told a friend that she yearned for a "real winter," when the snow would remain on the ground and people were accustomed to dealing with it. Friends in Ontario occasionally offered to take her for a drive during the winter. Then, Margaret, accustomed to prairie winters, would emerge from her home on Regent Street with a thermos, a snack, something to read, a candle, a book of matches, and a wool rug — in case the car and passengers might become stranded.
In the autumn, NCI increased the number of debating teams, and the school's first debate, with Peggy as convenor, was held. These debates at NCI were followed with great interest, and the topics frequently challenged students to deal with pressing contemporary issues. NCI students, at least during the debate season, were expected to have an awareness of conditions in the wider world and to ponder alternate approaches to government and foreign policy. The following were among the topics debated while Peggy was a student: "Resolved: Co-operation has done more for the world than has competition"; "Resolved: that the war situation would have been better for the allies if the United States had not become involved"; "Resolved: that in the best interests of Canada there should be conscription of manpower, money, and industry"; and "Resolved: that ambition has brought more harm than good to mankind." The latter topic was for the first debate of the school year, and Peggy and a classmate upheld the negative, arguing for the benefits of ambition. Her class won the debating shield that year, a distinct honour for Grade Nine. At one debate, the presence of Mrs. R.F. McWilliams, an author and wife of the lieutenant-governor of Manitoba, added to the significance of the occasion. That day Mrs. McWilliams announced a forthcoming essay contest "for the fullest and most authentic account of an historical episode prior to 1900 in the history of the town of Neepawa or the surrounding district." The winner would receive a copy of her book, _Manitoba Milestones_. Since Peggy had been published in the _Winnipeg Free Press_ and had twice received words of commendation from the editor of the newspaper's "Young Authors' Section," she may have submitted an entry, although evidence for that has not been found.
During spring 1941, the girls in Peggy's class were excited by news of the wedding of the film star Deanna Durbin, formerly of Winnipeg. Durbin's photo, showing her smiling radiantly and wearing a full-length wedding gown, appeared on the front page of the _Winnipeg Free Press_ , directly under a banner headline that announced twenty-eight Nazis had escaped from an Ontario prison. By now, Grade Nine students were accustomed to having events of varying significance commingled in the newspaper and in their lives.
In May, as Europe confronted Fascist ideology, students who had assembled for the school's Empire Day observance heard the guest speaker address the topic: "Democracy Whither Bound?" That was followed by the reading of a letter that an airman had written to his mother — a letter that was to be delivered only after his death.
At the end of the school term, each Grade Nine student was mentioned in the school paper. It noted that Peggy Wemyss is cheerful "except when she loses her temper"; she enjoys arguing with Mona Spratt; and her characteristic saying is: "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." It is interesting that, even at this point, classmates took note of Peggy's determination. The _Neepawa Press_ , the town paper, published the students' grades. That year Peggy's marks were among the highest in the class. Her best subjects were Literature, Grammar, and Music.
On the evening of June 8, students gathered in Knox Presbyterian Church for the annual Baccalaureate service and Achievement awards, the most coveted being the Governor General's Medal. This annual presentation went to a Grade Eleven student who best combined excellence in academic subjects with involvement in school activities. Before closing with the singing of "The Maple Leaf Forever" and "God Save the King," the Honour Roll for the armed forces was read.
As the weather turned warmer, many Neepawans enjoyed the Saturday-night custom of shopping or sitting in parked cars along Mountain Avenue, just watching folks coming and going. Stores remained open that night, so farmers and their families could come into town to shop and socialize. Mona Spratt's father would park his car where his daughter and her friends could take in the passing scene.
One night in June 1941, a terrific wind and electrical storm struck Neepawa. Trees were toppled, a stable was blown down, shingles were ripped from the south side of a home, and a caboose was turned over. The town held a "bee" to repair the house and replace the shingles. In many ways, Neepawa was like one big family. Such neighbourly concern was the positive side of living in a small prairie town. There citizens helped one another in the face of natural disasters, while Neepawa's fathers, sons, and brothers, who were abroad, faced disasters of an entirely different order as members of the armed services.
By August 1941, over one hundred thousand Canadians were serving overseas. Although many boys from Neepawa had enlisted and the town's youngsters were involved in salvage activities to aid the war effort, the war, of course, still seemed remote to Peggy and her friends. After all, the battlefields across the Atlantic were thousands of miles away. In September 1941, however, when Peggy began Grade Ten, everyone was talking about the new airfield under construction a mile west of Neepawa. The town watched as work went forward on EFTS, No.35, one of a series of Elementary Flying Training Schools established in Western Canada by Great Britain for the training of RAF pilots. These central-Canadian training bases were preferred over more vulnerable locations near the sea. On the Manitoba prairie, the pilots did not have to contend with coastal fog or worry about a naval attack. Soon a branch of the Air Cadets of Canada was formed at NCI. When the new cadets visited the EFTS base, they made a simulated flight in a Link trainer, and inspected small, single-engine training planes called Tiger Moths.
Since the town still suffered from the effects of the Great Depression, NCI students decided for financial reasons to adopt a school uniform, and, by mid-October, the girls had become accustomed to wearing the required blue tunic and white blouse. The pranks of "freshman day" were over; student council elections finished, and convenors of the various subcommittees had been announced. The first class party, a "straw-stack burn" for Grade Twelve, was held two miles east of town. Full of hilarity and high spirits, students scrambled up one side of the stack and down the other before it was set on fire. Then, gathering around a smaller bonfire, they heated cans of pork and beans for supper. Singing songs as the smoke rose in the cool night air, whooping students followed their teachers, Connie Offen and Mildred Musgrove, as they led a war dance around the flames.
That month a poem by Peggy was published in the high-school paper. Entitled "Scholar's 'If,'" her poem is a humorous imitation of Rudyard Kipling's well-known poem "If," which appeared in _Rewards and Fairies_. Peggy had read that book as well as its sequel, _Puck of Pook's Hill_ , and a good deal more of Kipling. "If" was also among the poems in _The Canada Book of Prose and Verse, Book Three_ , which was used in Manitoba schools. One of Kipling's biographers remarked that even those who question Kipling's sentiments continue to acknowledge the "metrical and technical brilliance" displayed in "If." For Peggy, imitating a work by Kipling was another step toward trying to develop her literary talent.
During the autumn term, students assembled for a special presentation by Watson Thomson, a faculty member of the Adult Education League at the University of Manitoba. He showed films of the war and the training of RAF pilots in Britain and spoke about the escalation of "the great battle in which we are now engaged." Peggy Wemyss could not have guessed at the time that Watson Thomson's presence in Winnipeg would later have an effect on the future direction of her life, but his presentation that day reinforced the impact of the war on their young lives. During the autumn, the Air Cadets were occupied with drills and training, while the girls at NCI worked on their war-readiness. After school hours, classes in physical training for girls had also begun.
As the war in Europe escalated, rationing of butter, sugar, and gasoline became a fact of life. At NCI the entire student body, as well as the faculty, were involved in assisting the war effort at home. NCI became the centre for the collection of salvage items such as metal toothpaste tubes, tin foil, bones, and rags to aid the British War Relief Fund. In addition, classes competed in purchasing War Savings Bonds, and the staff of the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ decided "to save extra money for the war effort" by cancelling the customary colour printing of the Christmas issue. The students' involvement with these activities, as well as the various debates and guest lectures about the world situation, brought the "Front" closer to Neepawa. Yet, the war in Europe continued to feel rather unreal.
That changed dramatically, however, after Japan's surprise attack on Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941. No longer did the Manitoba prairie seem secure. Several months before that attack, reports of German U-boats off Canada's Atlantic coast had been announced in the newspapers and on radio. Now, worried citizens considered the possibility of a Japanese attack on the Pacific coast. A few days after Pearl Harbor, students gathered for an assembly listened to a broadcast by U.S. president Franklin D. Roosevelt, who informed listeners that the United States had declared war and would join its Canadian and European allies. At the conclusion of Roosevelt's address, the NCI students "voluntarily stood to attention when the American national anthem was played."
Canadians soon learned another war tragedy had occurred on December 7, one that Margaret Laurence refers to several times in her memoirs. On that day, two thousand Canadian troops had been sent into battle to defend the ill-prepared British garrison and colony of Hong Kong. The effort to defend Hong Kong has been likened to Britain's infamous "Charge of the Light Brigade" during the Crimean War, and was described as "an act that sent inadequately trained and illequipped men to defend an island that was indefensible." As a result, the Canadian troops suffered enormous losses.
While those battalions were engaged in combat in Hong Kong, construction work on the huge air base near Neepawa continued at a feverish pace. The base had twenty-five buildings, including a medical unit and a tremendous drill hall. By the time construction was completed "approximately 3,000,000 feet of timber, mainly spruce and fir," had been used. By Christmas the age for joining the Neepawa Air Cadets had been lowered to fourteen in order to build up a larger flight. The cadets had been measured for uniforms and officially recognized. These lads, who were classmates, neighbours, and brothers of Peggy and her friends, were now studying navigation, gunnery, theory of combustion engines, signalling, and first aid. In June, they would be sent to camp for a week of further military training. The growing impact of the war on the town's teenagers is evident in the Christmas 1941 issue of _Annals of the Black and Gold_ , which described in detail NCI's war-relief efforts. In addition, it featured letters from former students who were presently serving in the armed services. A short story by Peggy, "Goodwill Towards Men," signed with her initials, appeared in that issue.
Her story focuses on a wartime situation and is set in Scotland on Christmas Eve. "Goodwill Towards Men" opens with a conversation between Black Tomas McDuff and his young son Robert. Black Tomas sends Robert on an errand. Although the boy is afraid to venture out alone at night, he summons his courage and goes forth. Along the way, he spots a German parachutist caught in a tree. The boy cleverly manages to disarm the young German and bring him home. Because the family's older son is serving overseas, Black Tomas and his wife decide to extend to the captured soldier the sort of kindness they hope their own son might receive in similar circumstances. The young German is given a bed for the night and spends Christmas day with the family before being turned over to the authorities.
While the story is clearly the work of an amateur, it shows a marked improvement over "The Case of the Golden Spaniel" and "The Case of the Blond Butcher." In "Goodwill Towards Men," Peggy creates suspense, uses dialogue effectively, and incorporates both internal and external conflict. She makes liberal use of Scots' dialect in phrases such as: "Dinna' boggle — ye arena' afeared o' the muir the nicht, are ye?" and "Come in and have a wee bit parritch." That Peggy, who was only beginning Grade Ten, could handle extensive dialect and not have her story become incomprehensible or downright silly indicates that she had been working on short fiction for some time.
"Goodwill Towards Men" is also interesting in terms of its themes and narrative style. The presence of dialect, danger, intrigue, and suspense may reflect Peggy's reading of adventure tales such as Stevenson's _Kidnapped_ , but it may also reflect her mounting personal anxiety about the war and the safety of classmates and friends, many of whom were then serving overseas. The plot could have been influenced by articles in the _Winnipeg Free Press_ , which described prisoner-of-war camps in Canada where captured Germans, lads of eighteen and nineteen, were being held. But whatever the source, this short story is an interesting apprentice effort.
After the celebration of Christmas and the New Year, classes resumed on January 5, 1942 with temperatures registering at -35°F. Three months later, in the midst of a howling March blizzard, the worst in many years, the RAF, under Wing Commander H.R. Black arrived in Neepawa. This first contingent of about four hundred airmen came not only from England, but from as far away as Australia, New Zealand, India, Ceylon, and the Bahamas. While the men were kept very busy during their training sessions, from time to time there were station dances at the base, and the fine hardwood floor of the drill hall became an enormous dance floor.
In spring, while, as the songwriter, Stan Rogers described it, farmers "put another season's promise in the ground," and "watched the field behind the plow turn to straight dark rows," the first RAF flight course (No.46) began training. Soon the skies were filled with tiny Tiger Moths circling above the fields as the young pilots practised landing and taking off again. Inside Neepawa Collegiate Institute it was difficult to concentrate on lessons. Teenaged boys, remembering the bravery of Billy Bishop in the Great War, now imagined themselves in glory behind the controls of a Spitfire. One classmate, however, sombrely noted that "the drone of a training plane as it drifts lazily across the sky is a grim reminder that the world is not everywhere so fair."
The idea of "Hitler in Manitoba" no longer seemed far-fetched. In fact, the city of Winnipeg launched a project — a "What If" Day. Citizens, dressed up as Nazi soldiers and officials, staged Fascist activities such as burning books, arresting "suspicious" people, and harassing clerics and ethnic minorities. This was filmed and turned into a thirty-minute documentary of the day's events. In Neepawa, however, a film was not needed to bring home the fact of war. Now, when Peggy and her friends walked home from school, the afternoon air was filled with the sound of the planes and with nearby military commands. "Tennnnnnnshun," barked the sergeant, as the girls passed uniformed classmates drilling smartly in the schoolyard or marching along the streets on their way to the base. Overseas in England, the Neepawa boys of the Queen's Own Cameron Highlanders were on manoeuvres in the spring countryside, languishing for lack of action.
Back on the Manitoba prairie, life also seemed predictable and uneventful. Peggy and her friends had plenty of time for lighthearted pranks and jokes. When Miss Osborn, who taught Home Economics, missed class because of illness, a mock apology was sent by Mona Spratt, Peggy, Jack Tyler, and others. They regretted "causing" their teacher's sudden illness. They wondered if it might have been the result of an "overdose of arsenic" in the tuna salad they had made, "the gopher poison" in the Bavarian cream, or "the sulphuric acid" in the coffee. Marjorie Osborn, touched by their playful message, saved that note among other mementos of her teaching days.
Another situation with Miss Osborn was later recalled by Margaret Laurence. In a letter to the writer Budge Wilson, Laurence noted that this teacher, who was not much older than the students, was made to teach another course to Grades Nine and Ten. "Of course, she [Miss Osborn] was terrified, and I think Mona and I even felt sorry for her, but in the presence of the great hulking boys we hoped to impress, we sure didn't stand up for her.... All these years later, I'd like to say sorry to her." The theme of regret over words not spoken is repeated many times in Laurence's letters and in _Dance on the Earth_. It seems as if she was haunted by conversations interrupted by death or absence. Frequently it also indicates her capacity to empathize with others who were in pain or suffering in some way.
In Neepawa, once school exams were over, the longed-for days of summer unfurled, heralded by sweet strawberries and fresh rhubarb. All over town the baking of pies commenced and the aroma wafted along the streets and through the backyards. Although there were alarming newspaper headlines, they seemed only to startle for a moment like the sudden storms of summer. Life quickly returned to its usual routine for the town's teenagers. Whether splashing at the swimming hole in River Bend Park, racing down the streets on their bicycles, or laughing over a coke in Brooker's, Peggy and her friends felt all the exuberance and energy of youth.
Change, however, was around the corner. In July, when Peggy turned sixteen, she was required by Canadian law to register for military purposes at the post office. During that same month, a series of events that would affect Neepawa was unfolding in eastern Canada. A special train left Chatham, New Brunswick, and began its long westward journey from the Atlantic provinces across Quebec and Ontario to Manitoba, a distance of over two thousand miles. Fourteen Pullman cars were transporting the civilian personnel who had operated an Elementary Flying Training School (EFTS, No.21) near Chatham. A complete freight train was needed to carry all their personal effects, baggage, and equipment. The group's task was to take over all the operations, except flight training, at the RAF Flying School in Neepawa.
As the August heat settled over the Manitoba prairie and "dust devils" rolled down the streets, news of war had become almost routine. Across the Atlantic, however, at British command headquarters, routine matters had given way to a hectic pace as generals and their staffs worked out the final details for a tremendous raid on the French coast, to be followed by a quick push into German-occupied France. The Canadian infantry, including the Queen's Own Cameron Highlanders, had been moved from their camps in the south of England and were now massed near the English Channel awaiting orders.
Back in Manitoba, curious townsfolk gathered to watch the plumes of steam which rose into the sky and floated over the prairie as the long train from New Brunswick slowly approached the Neepawa station. Soon 180 members of the Miramachi Flying Training School and their families stepped down onto the dusty station platform. The civilian personnel who were to staff EFTS No.35 had arrived. They would need housing, and their children would have to be enrolled for the new school year. All sorts of adjustments would be required as the civilian operating company took over the management of the air base.
At about the same time, across the Atlantic, in the darkness before an August dawn, the Queen's Own Cameron Highlanders, with battalion piper Lance Corporal Alec Graham, waited in landing craft off the French coast at Dieppe for the signal to attack. The bloodiest nine hours in Canadian military history were about to commence. At the signal, five thousand Canadian troops from seven regiments charged the French beaches: three thousand one hundred were killed, wounded, or captured.
The first reports to reach Neepawa were guardedly optimistic, with rumours of victory. But the Winnipeg newspapers soon filled with news of Dieppe's casualties. Neepawans, anxious and sleepless, awaited further details of the assault on the French coast. Each day the front pages of the Winnipeg papers were filled with photos of the casualties from Manitoba and, as the days passed, the captions above those faces shifted from "missing" to "wounded" to "gravely wounded" to "dead." Peggy's hometown would never be the same.
The losses were overwhelming, due in part to the method of recruitment. Since Canada did not employ a lottery system, men from the same family often served together in the armed forces. Sometimes these relatives, hoping to stay beside one another on the battlefield, enlisted in the same branch of the service. The Winnipeg newspapers frequently had photos of family groups of servicemen — sometimes brothers; sometimes father, sons, and uncle. If Canadian forces were attacked and routed, however, the casualties could be from the same family or the same town. In places such as Neepawa, the town itself was like one large family, and the losses were deeply felt by all its citizens. A person did not require Peggy's active imagination to grasp the magnitude of Dieppe.
Now all those battles on the pages of fiction, the gallant skirmishes in _Kidnapped_ and the medieval battles of _The White Company_ , became dim and remote beside the reality of modern twentieth-century warfare, when a burning tank became a tomb for the boy next door, and the body flung forward on the stony beach at Pourville was that of a friend or relative.
In Grandfather Simpson's house, Peggy sat in a big oak armchair, staring at the photos on the front page of the _Winnipeg Free Press_ , remembering the Cameron Highlanders who had bivouacked on the fairgrounds at Scotty Burnett's farm before going overseas. She recalled the smiling young faces of the Neepawa boys marching through town in kilted uniforms to the skirl of bagpipes, and she stared again in shock at the newspaper headlines and the columns of photographs: "I was sixteen that year [1942], and for the first time I knew, really knew, what war meant. It meant that young men from your own town, your friends or brothers of your friends, boys only a couple of years older than yourself had been mutilated and killed."
The Second World War, particularly Dieppe, affected Peggy profoundly. Sensitive and thoughtful, she was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the losses. "They were boys I had known. They were a part of me." She had known death before, but this was different. This time death's losses came from her peer group. Thoughts of war — the nightmare of past wars, the horrors of the unfolding world war, and the possibility of future wars — permanently altered the way she would look at the world, and in the years ahead she would realign her priorities accordingly. As a well-known novelist, Margaret Laurence would work to ban the manufacture and testing of nuclear arms and to support a secure world peace. These efforts were undertaken as a consequence of her sense of a moral imperative, and not, as some have alleged, because she was not able to summon her powers as a writer. Margaret Laurence's convictions about war had been etched deeply into her character during her youth, a fact that she mentions frequently in interviews as well as in her memoirs:
In one sense Dieppe perpetually has happened only yesterday. It runs as a leitmotif through all my so-called Manawaka fiction and, in a way, it runs through my whole life, in my hatred of war so profound I can't find words to express my outrage.
Forty years after the casualties of Dieppe, Laurence explained in a letter to the writer Paul Hiebert, why, despite a certain natural shyness, she felt compelled to take a public stand against war and to participate in peace groups. "You are quite right — America and Russia are scared sick of one another.... I may be working for no possible effect, but Paul, if I don't do it I cannot face myself.... I also, of course, want to continue my own writing, my own work, but this seems related to the state of the world in general." Margaret Laurence felt a great urgency to act on behalf of world peace because of the terrifying possibility of nuclear war. She would have agreed with Jonathan Schell's statement in _The Fate of the_ Earth: "Because everything we do and everything we are is in jeopardy, and because the peril is immediate and unremitting, every person is the right person to act and every moment is the right moment to begin, starting with the present moment."
In September 1942, a few weeks after the battle of Dieppe, classes resumed at NCI, giving students a sense of normalcy, but the whole town was still deep in shock over the losses sustained by the Canadian troops. News of more deaths among those who had previously been reported as wounded continued to reach Neepawa throughout the weeks of autumn. However, young men did not stop enlisting, and during Grade Eleven only two boys remained in Peggy's class. By Grade Twelve there would be none. "They were all at war," she said.
During her last two years in high school, Peggy, as the busy editor of the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ , was "never known to slow down to a graceful walk." She dashed about determined to solicit a wide range of articles and art work for the newspaper. The paper's adviser, Mildred Musgrove, remembers that Peggy rarely submitted her own writing to the paper, but instead put time and effort into getting other students to contribute. The actual production of the paper presented a challenge. Peggy worked closely with Miss Musgrove and a few students to obtain the articles, type the master sheets, and arrange page layouts for a school paper that was now more than twenty pages long. Peggy was learning the practical side of "literary" production. Cranking out the newspaper on the shiny new Gestetner machine in the principal's office, she had to place blotting sheets between the pages to prevent the thick black ink from blurring the good copy. Fifty years later, she recalled the process as "messy and difficult," but "a labour of love."
The first issue of the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ with Peggy as editor appeared in the autumn that she was in Grade Eleven. Her earnest editorial stressed the importance of achieving readiness for the post-war era. "Remember, it is you and I," she wrote, "the students of today, whose task it will be to build up the world after the war. The fact that it will not, by any means, be an easy job, makes it that much more important that we learn all we can while we can."
On Remembrance Day in November, the assembled students listened as the names of eighty-four former students presently serving in His Majesty's Forces were read out. During the previous February, the British had surrendered Singapore to Japan, and by November the American and British forces had landed in French North Africa. Clearly the war was not going to end soon.
A grim editorial from the new principal, Herb Ray, in the December _Annals of the Black and Gold_ underscored the effects of the war. Although the ravages of polio had left Mr. Ray physically unable to enlist, he was determined to contribute to the war effort at home. Principal Ray's graphic editorial is typical of his columns in subsequent issues of the high-school paper: "In Karkhov, desolation reigns. Hungry cats prowl warily through deserted streets and periodically death falls from the sky and walls crumble. Little starved children lie dead in the streets of Athens, and the grim specter of famine stalks through France. Smoke drifts lazily from the desolate ruin that was Cologne; and across the Channel, Canterbury is laid waste."
At home in Grandpa Simpson's Big House, things remained unchanged. Peggy found it increasingly irksome to return from school to the place where her aged and autocratic grandfather continued to reign, exercising total control over the household. "He ruled it," she said, "like Agamemnon at Mycenae." After the death of Peggy's father and her Uncle Stuart in 1935, there were no other significant males in the Simpson—Wemyss households. Her grandfather, who was known to many Neepawans for his miserly and rude behaviour, remained unchallenged within his domain on First Avenue. John Simpson's house was not a place where Peggy's school chums felt welcomed, and only a few of them ever passed beyond the foyer.
Although Mum, Peggy, and Bobby continued to live with Grandfather Simpson, the Big House was by no means a "grand" place. In fact, a number of other homes in Neepawa would more aptly fit that designation. John Simpson's once-lucrative business ventures were no longer under his control. However, his daughter, Marg, somehow managed to run the household on a very small budget, although she never stopped worrying about finances. While the new air base was being built, Marg quietly made arrangements to take in a boarder, "the man from Miramachi." He was assigned to Bobby's room, while Bobby was moved to the little alcove adjoining his sister's bedroom. Peggy, unhappy with the whole situation, stalked about the house. Mum realized that despite the additional income, these changes were upsetting to Peggy. After a few months, the boarder was told to leave and the indomitable Marg devised an alternate source of income. She took a part-time position doing bookkeeping and accounting at the Neepawa Hospital.
After the boarder left, however, Peggy continued to chafe under her grandfather's reign. No longer a child, she resented his domineering manner. She observed her mother's and her aunts' acceptance of the "status quo." They seemed powerless to effect any significant change. Marg Simpson Wemyss, intent on keeping peace in the house, silently yielded. Peggy realized that to be outwardly rebellious would only distress Mum, and that, in the end, Grandfather would surely prevail. Although for Peggy the difficult scene at home was relieved a bit by Mum's love and concern, Marg Wemyss was herself under enormous pressure throughout those years. At the time of Peggy's graduation from NCI in 1944, it was not clear whether there would be enough money for her university tuition. Mum also had nagging financial concerns about Bobby's future, as well as the complex problems of dealing with her elderly and increasingly irascible father. At times Marg Wemyss's anxiety was almost palpable. Peggy, sensitive to the undercurrents in the household, looked forward with relief to classes and activities at NCI, where she was an involved, respected, and well-liked member of the student body. In high school, Peggy was also encouraged by Miss Musgrove and Miss Offen in her dreams for the future.
"The chief joys of high school, and they remained so for four years," she recalled, "were being able to work on the school newspaper and studying English literature." One day in Miss Musgrove's English class, the opening lines of a dramatic monologue by Robert Browning captured Peggy's imagination:
That's my last Duchess painted on the wall,
Looking as if she were alive. I call
That piece a wonder... ("My Last Duchess")
Here was mystery, subtlety, obsession, verbal description, and an intriguing narrative, all delivered in the first person. As Peggy read more of Browning's monologues, she felt "as though a whole series of doors were opening." During Grades Eleven and Twelve, her class studied poetry from _The Pocket Book of Verse_ , which showcased the work of great English and American writers. It was an excellent volume for a budding writer.
First published in Canada in 1940, _The Pocket Book of Verse_ was an anthology of 249 poems, chiefly lyrical, by "Great English and American" poets. It opened with Geoffrey Chaucer and concluded with Stephen Vincent Benét. Fifty years later Laurence remarked, "I have carted that book around the world with me ever since High School.... with the poems marked that we studied." Noting that, while in high school, she had read a good deal of Wordsworth, Shakespeare, and the Bible, Laurence also mentioned seventeen poets and a number of titles that she liked. She may well have had _The Pocket Book of Verse_ in hand when she composed this passage, since the sequence of authors cited there adheres exactly to the sequence in that little anthology.
While Peggy relished English literature, Maths was a different matter. The subject did not interest her. Nevertheless, in order to be certain of passing the Manitoba requirement for college, she and her friends Margie Crawford and Mona Spratt were tutored in Maths during the summer by her former neighbour Jack Coutts, then an undergraduate at the University of Manitoba. He recalls that the girls were "rewarding tutees," and mentions with some amusement Peggy's fascination with words: "A sheepish grin of discovery and gratitude came over Peggy's face when she learned that when 'arithmetic' was used as an adjective, the correct pronunciation was 'arith-MET-ic,' not 'a-RITH-metic.' Her teacher, apparently, had used the wrong pronunciation.
Outside school hours there was plenty of time for fun or youthful escapades. Occasionally some boys and a few reckless girls, seeking a dangerous thrill, would venture out onto the railroad tracks that crossed the huge Trestle Bridge over Stoney Creek at the southwestern end of town. There they listened for approaching trains and then raced one another to safety on the other side.
Once during Grade Eleven, Peggy, and several others, were caught smoking a cigarette in the library during an NCI dance, a daring act of a different sort, and a serious infraction of school rules. "For weeks afterwards, I trembled at the real possibility of public disgrace and expulsion." A reprimand was considered sufficient, however, and the incident did not adversely affect her position at NCI.
Several nights a week during the winter, the teenagers went skating at a fine indoor rink near the King Edward Hotel. Peggy and her friends enjoyed skating to music there. The teens could also skate on the outdoor rink near Neepawa Collegiate, and, if the snow was not too deep, they might skate on Park Lake, weaving in and out among the reeds along the frozen creek that led into the lake and gathering later for songs and snacks around a huge bonfire near the little dam at the eastern end. "Evenings, coming back from skating," Laurence recalled, "the sky would be black but not dark, for you could see a cold glitter of stars from one side of the earth's rim to the other. And then the sometime astonishment when you saw the Northern Lights flaring across the sky, like the scrawled signature of God."
In March 1943, a typical Manitoba blizzard struck Neepawa. Winds whipped across the prairie, temperatures hovered at -40°F, and piles of snow obliterated the runways at EFTS. All flights were cancelled and the young airmen were delighted to be guests for Sunday dinner in the homes of Neepawa citizens, a practice that continued while the base remained active. After it closed, the base manager J.W. Humphrey would speak gratefully of "prairie hospitality" and thank the town for the "many kindnesses" that had been extended to both civilian and military personnel during the war years.
On the evening of June 11, the high school's graduation and awards ceremonies were held, and Peggy, who was completing Grade Eleven, received the "most coveted award" at NCI, the Governor General's Medal, which traditionally was granted to a student in that grade. Despite the honour, Peggy did not want her award to be written up in the school paper. Nevertheless, the news did appear in "Here and There," a gossip column, signed "I.M. Nosey." It is important to note that the column, which praises Peggy, was not written by her, as one biographer asserts, but by a student in Grade Twelve. Only Miss Musgrove knew that I.M. Nosey was a sobriquet for Dorothy Coutts, who was the secret author of the column. Peggy was editor of the school paper at that time and, Coutts states, refused to have an account of her award put into the NCI paper. The account did appear, however, and provides an interesting overview of Peggy's high-school years, indicating that Peggy was a participant in many NCI activities. Dorothy Coutts wrote:
Jean Margaret Wemyss (more commonly known as Peggy) has an average of 81% in her studies for the past two years. Her most outstanding activity is editing the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ which is well known to us all as a fine paper, credit for which is due largely to Peggy for her untiring efforts. She has been faithful to the Collegiate Orchestra for three years as an accomplished violinist. Dramatics and debating have also played a part in Peggy's school life, as well as curling.... She possesses outstanding business ability, as was illustrated by her able handling of a refreshment booth at the '42 track meet. Her initiative, fine leadership and enthusiasm certainly prove Peggy Wemyss worthy of claiming the honour of such an award, and to her, I extend my heartiest congratulations on behalf of my fellow students.
With final examinations over and the summer months before her, Peggy felt fortunate to have an interesting summer job at the _Neepawa Press_ , a local weekly, published by owner-editor, Blake Dunlop, a former neighbour. Seated at a roll-top oak desk in the _Neepawa Press_ office, Peggy "worked as a reporter and as an editor for the district news." Her practical experience as editor of the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ now proved useful outside high school, and her summer apprenticeship at the _Neepawa Press_ fit in well with her plans to become a journalist.
When Peggy returned to NCI for Grade Twelve in September 1943, only a handful of girls remained in her class. There were no boys. What would life be like after graduation next June? Would there still be war in Europe and the Pacific? Could she afford to go to university? Questions such as these formed the uncertain backdrop of Peggy's last year at Neepawa Collegiate Institute. Her friendships, however, remained fixed. Among her chums, Mona Spratt was now president of the Student Council and Margie Crawford, the vice-president. Another friend, Louise Alguire, was the diligent convenor of the War Services Committee, which managed to collect a thousand pounds of rags for the war-relief drive. Peggy herself was convenor of NCI's small orchestra in Grade Twelve, and she continued to play the violin with that group.
When the fall issue of the _Annals of the Black and Gold_ appeared, Peggy again was editor. The cover now featured the NCI shield and a motto: "To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield." Those noble sentiments from Tennyson's "Ulysses" were meant to challenge Peggy and her classmates during that tumultuous period in history to hold fast to high ideals and dreams of a better world. Principal Herb Ray's editorial remarks once more emphasized the war's effect on NCI students. "Three years and nine months have now passed by since the German Panzer divisions rolled into Poland, and Britain, at long last rallied to the cause of freedom. _Your entire high school career has been spent in an atmosphere of wartime stress_ [emphasis added]."
As editor, Peggy would have been involved with comments relating to the national scene, such as the _Annals_ 's announcement of the recent death of Sir Charles G.D. Roberts, the "Dean of Canadian poets," which was carried in the next issue of the paper. Although few Canadian literary works were then studied at NCI (partially as a consequence of the Manitoba literature requirements for entry to college), Peggy had studied Canadian poetry in elementary school and knew Roberts's work. His place was secure in Rhodenizer's _A Handbook of Canadian Literature_ , Dickie and Palk's _Pages from Canada's Story_ , as well as A.M. Stephens's _The Golden Treasury of Canadian Verse_. In addition, Marg Wemyss and several teachers at NCI had strongly encouraged an interest in Canadian literature. While she was growing up, Peggy and her Mum used to quote poetry to each other when they doing the evening's dishes, taking turns line by line.
For the traditional Drama Night in December, Peggy had a part in the class play. Behind such familiar events at NCI, however, her life had undergone a major change; this had begun earlier that year at a dance. Saturday-night dances were a regular feature of life in Neepawa — part of the ritual of growing up. Peggy, like her friends, had dated several boys during high school, but she lacked confidence in her ability to attract young men. She was 5 feet 6 inches and slender, but she felt insecure about her looks, believing that she was too tall and lacked good features. Another problem came from the fact that Peggy's interests were very different from those of the few boys her age who were still in town, and she felt her dating prospects were slim. That situation changed dramatically, however, when the EFTS base opened nearby. Now numbers of young men were in the area. The Neepawa girls no longer had to dance with each other. Although there were frequent dances at the base, Mona Spratt recalls that the girls in Peggy's circle were expected to be chaperoned when they occasionally went to dances at the base. On Saturday nights, however, the airmen came to dances at the Arcade in town. "There were the usual brash girls, some from Neepawa in their Canadian Women's Army Corps uniforms loudly flirting with the RAF boys," Laurence wrote. "There was the usual complement of drunks and half-drunks, both men and women, uniformed or civilian. And a number of high-school girls, such as myself, in our party dresses, with our stiff imitation curls, wearing our blood-red lipstick and nail polish, smiling, smiling, dreading the ever-present danger of not being asked to dance."
American jazz and boogie had come to Neepawa with the young airmen and over the radio. Jitterbugging was the rage. "The uncertainties of war meant we danced with a heightened tribal sense of being together. Dancing was a passionate affirmation of life and the desire to go on living."
At one of those dances, between July and December 1943, Peggy met and fell in love with a British airman named Derek Armstrong. "He was not only handsome and ten years older, he was also well-read." They shared an interest in music and books, and he introduced her to the work of important contemporary English poets, such as Stephen Spender and W.H. Auden. This was Peggy's first serious romance. At twenty-seven, Derek had much more experience than the seventeen-year-old girl from Neepawa or the other lads in town. As the weeks passed, Mum began to worry that Peggy and Derek might elope. In her memoirs, Margaret Laurence recalls the situation. Although written more than forty years later, her description remains moving:
None of the boys I had ever gone to school with would have given poetry the time of day, but here was an older man who not only could quote reams of the stuff, he also (could it really be?) wanted to spend time with awkward, shy, nervous, clever, often loud-mouthed me. I include clever because I knew I was smart, but I certainly didn't regard it as an asset. It was more of a millstone around my neck. I couldn't believe my good fortune. There was Derek, with all those remarkable qualities, interested in me.
This is Laurence's retrospective view of herself at seventeen. She thought it was an unusual piece of good fortune that this good-looking airman, intelligent and mature, had become seriously interested in her. In addition to feeling insecure about her own looks, Peggy felt — and this was not uncommon at the time — that being a bright and clever young woman was a distinct disadvantage in dating situations. This negative sense of self was not confined to Peggy's adolescence. It prevailed during her college years and affected her subsequent romance with Jack Laurence and her marriage to him in 1947. It lasted, moreover, well into her mature years, when Margaret and Jack were living in Vancouver. She continued to worry about her appearance and put considerable effort into trying to look attractive and appealing for her handsome engineer husband, whom she felt fortunate to have married and whom she knew other women found to be good-looking.
Peggy's high-school romance with Derek coloured her entire year in Grade Twelve, but it ended when he completed the training course and left Neepawa. They exchanged letters for a while, but then, like a scene from one of Browning's poems, the letters stopped. Later Peggy learned that Derek had cruelly deceived her. He was already married, and he was not, as he had confided to her, the British composer Benjamin Britten. It seems hard to believe today that the airman identified himself as one of Britain's most outstanding contemporary composers, but at the time Peggy accepted his information. Although Derek may have amused himself with the subterfuge, his deception left Peggy feeling "hurt and betrayed."
When classes at NCI resumed in January 1944, the usual hockey games got underway, and on Wednesday nights the Air Cadets went out to the base for instruction in engines, aircraft recognition, and armament. Many women from town worked on the base as postal clerks, telephone operators, food-service workers, and propeller girls. The latter went onto the field to assist in starting the engines of the Tiger Moths. By then the town and the base were so intertwined that one could scarcely avoid thinking often about the war.
In February 1944, there was a welcome change of pace at NCI when René Dussault, from the University of Manitoba, came to deliver three lecture-demonstrations in drama. One day, students mimed scenes, which Dussault then critiqued. Peggy and another student participated by miming a game of chess. Peggy's interest in drama and her experience with high-school plays were strengthened by such activities. As an aspiring young writer, she was beginning to understand the importance of spoken dialogue and the creation of dramatic situations.
In March, a lighthearted performance of "Les Huîtres et Le Cheval" ("The Oysters and the Horse") was presented, first in French and then in English, by Miss Offen's students. It was followed by an award-winning drama, "Airman's Forty-Eight," a play that dealt with the current war. It had been written by a Grade Ten student in Alberta, who received a scholarship to the Banff School of Fine Arts as an award. Such recognition of another teenage girl's achievement further encouraged Peggy's own desire to become a writer.
The last issue of the school paper with Peggy as editor was produced at Easter 1944. It included her poem "Song for Spring, 1944 \ Canada," a sonnet that she signed with her initials. This joyful poem celebrates the absence of fear in a world at peace. "Song for Spring" opens with a strong trochaic beat suitable to its affirmative stance. Decasyllabic lines are used throughout and, in the closing sestet, as will be seen, she brings the poem to its conclusion with interlocking rhymes. In the sonnet, Peggy uses alliteration well, but her ability to create sophisticated internal links within the poem is particularly noteworthy. The most successful of these occurs with the sound of "l" which is carried throughout the poem from the opening word "April" to the words: "unfold," "children," and "gladly," until the final line, where the "l" resounds in "glory." The sonnet's hyphenated adjectives and attention to specific details in nature underscore a prayer-like note of hope for a future of peace without fear.
Song for Spring, 1944 \ Canada
April has brought the youngest time of year,
With clinging cloaks of rain mist, silver-gray;
The velvet, star-wreathed night, and wind-clad day
And song of meadowlarks from uplands near.
The new-formed leaves unfold to greet the sun,
Whose light is warming fields still moist with rain,
While down each city street and grass-fringed land,
Children are shouting gladly as they run.
Free they are to hold with careful hand
A robin's egg; to welcome every morn;
To glance up, unafraid, at peaceful skies;
Joyfully free to plant a piece of land
With miracles of flowers yet unborn....
Nothing must blot that glory from their eyes.
J.M.W.
The poem's sentiments may express Peggy's romantic optimism during that April, as well as a wish for the future, but they are not a realistic depiction of the situation in spring 1944; as the poem "came off the press," the Second World War was still raging in Europe and the Pacific.
That issue of _Annals of the Black and Gold_ also included several war-related items. There was notice of the wedding of a former NCI student to an airman from New Brunswick and a short story about a young serviceman who had returned to Manitoba after four years at the front. The most striking layout in the paper, however, was the following sad notice:
REGRETTING THE DEATH OF F/O MURRAY COUTTS,
KILLED IN ACTION MARCH 27, 1944
THE STUDENTS OF THE N.C.I.
EXTEND THEIR SINCEREST SYMPATHY
TO MR. AND MRS. W. COUTTS AND FAMILY.
The tragic death of Murray Coutts, who had been Peggy's neighbour on Vivian Street and was the older brother of her friends, Dorothy and Jack, put another familiar face to the statistics of the war dead. In addition, three cousins of her good friend Mona Spratt died during the war. By 1944 the Prairie provinces, which had already suffered from years of drought and financial depression, were reeling under the pain of war. The mood during that period is reflected in the _Alberta Poetry Year Book_ 1943-1944, a chapbook filled with poems such as: "Missing in Action," "Malta: War Wife," "To One Who Died in 1918," "Mother and Soldier," "To One Who Returns Not," "Vimy," and "Green Leaves Falling." The latter poem was written by Elsie Fry Laurence, who later became Peggy's mother-in-law. Elsie then had two sons in active service and her own husband had served in the First World War.
Peggy's four years of high school had been permeated by public and private events relating to the Second World War, and it comes as no surprise, therefore, that, a month after her graduation, she applied to join the newest women's unit of the navy, the Women's Royal Canadian Naval Service. A few months before Peggy made application, the _Winnipeg Free Press_ had featured the work of several Manitoba WRCNS who were assigned to the HMS _Chippewa_. The women of this elite unit, wearing traditional navy-blue uniforms with brass buttons, not only performed important services, but were also given the promise of travel while in the navy. When the Naval Service phoned Peggy about her application, however, she was not at home; a short time later they informed her that new recruits were no longer needed. Speculating in her memoirs as to why she had volunteered, Laurence states that the navy seemed "mysterious and glamorous." But it is more likely that her desire to enlist also represented a way to "escape" from Neepawa — the farthest she could get from that small prairie town where the only waves were in the fields of grain.
With the option of serving in the navy closed, Peggy began to plan for college, applying for a Manitoba scholarship, which she was granted on the basis of her academic record and financial need. Mum did not have to sell the family china to augment Peggy's college fund.
During August, she went with several friends to relax at Clear Lake in Riding Mountain National Park. The Wemyss's cottage there was not a secluded rustic retreat, although its decor was certainly basic. A short, half-mile walk brought the girls from the cottage to the centre of the town of Wasagaming, a popular summer resort, where there was a general store, a lodge operated by Louise Alguire's family, and a large dance hall. After their August holiday, the girls returned home to pack for college in Winnipeg. Mona and Louise were going to the University of Manitoba, while Peggy and Margie Crawford would be at United College, also in Winnipeg. Peggy looked forward to the excitement of living in the city and was curious about the University of Manitoba, where her neighbour Jack Coutts had distinguished himself. She wondered what her life at United College would be like. Years before, as Wesley College, it had been the alma mater of two of Peggy's cherished teachers, Mildred Musgrove and Connie Offen.
### CHAPTER FIVE
### The College Years
As summer 1944 gave way to autumn, Peggy set out for Winnipeg, leaving behind the confinement of Grandfather Simpson's place — a house that was his and had never truly felt like home to her. Now, she felt a terrific sense of excitement. She was eager for the freedom and new experiences that lay ahead. As the miles sped by, the prairie horizon, broken only by the familiar outline of the grain elevators, gave way to the taller buildings of Winnipeg, capital of the province of Manitoba and "Gateway to the West." Although Winnipeg, one of Canada's largest and most important cities, is only 125 miles from Neepawa, for young people from small prairie towns, the city then might well have been on another planet in terms of its tempo, size, and structures.
Winnipeg is situated at the confluence of the Red River and the Assiniboine River, where the Red River, flowing northward from the American prairie states, meets the Assiniboine that flows from west to east across the Canadian prairies. The city is a major centre of business, commerce, trade, and agriculture. When Peggy arrived there in September 1944, a vast network of railroad tracks carried passengers and freight into Winnipeg from all over Canada and from there to other regions of the country. Its historical significance and current importance were apparent in its diverse population, newspapers in eleven languages, and a host of varied activities. In addition to many businesses and a huge commodities exchange with fierce trading in grain, Winnipeg was also a cultural centre: home to the Manitoba Opera Company, the Royal Winnipeg Ballet, and a symphony orchestra.
Peggy enrolled at United College alongside other undergraduates who had grown up during the "Dirty Thirties." Shaped by a decade of severe drought and economic depression, threatened by the cataclysmic events of the Second World War, the collegians' future seemed very uncertain. But despite that uncertainty, these determined young men and women, who had been forged by hardship and sacrifice, regarded the opportunity for a university education as a privilege and a trust. They longed for an end to war and felt ready for the challenge of imagining and building a better world.
United College (which today is the University of Winnipeg), was then one of several church-related colleges affiliated with the University of Manitoba. The university itself had been formed in 1877 by the federation of three existing colleges. "It sprang from the Presbyterian faith of the Selkirk Settlers," notes historian W.L. Morton. By 1944, the main campus of the University of Manitoba had moved southwest from the city to Fort Garry. However, a few classes were still held in some buildings that had been retained in downtown Winnipeg, its "Broadway campus." United College, like the other affiliated colleges, had its own campus, faculty, and administration, but the students wrote common final examinations set by the University of Manitoba. United College, despite its small size, was known for its fine faculty and excellent liberal-arts curriculum.
Although the college was denominational, the student body represented "a wide range of ethnic and religious backgrounds" and had an enviable record for openness, tolerance, and academic excellence. A number of Jewish students attended United College, because of its liberal faculty, the absence of fraternities and sororities, and its classes in Hebrew and Biblical studies.
In the early 1940s, the state of the economy and the burden of the Second World War prevented many Canadian high-school students from attending college. Given the financial difficulties in Peggy's family, it is amazing that funds were found to send her to university. She later explained that this was due to her Mum who saved every penny possible to help her through, and diligently searched out information about scholarships and bursaries.
Students who had completed Grade Twelve in high school, which was then the equivalent of first-year college, were admitted to the second year at United and earned their degree three years later. However, students who had gone only to Grade Eleven were first required to complete Grade Twelve in United's Collegiate Division. Because many small towns did not offer Grade Twelve, over a third of United's entering class went directly into the Collegiate Division. This meant that there were many students on campus who were only sixteen years of age. Since Peggy, who was eighteen, had completed Grade Twelve at Neepawa Collegiate Institute, she was enrolled as a second-year student.
As she stood on Portage Avenue in central Winnipeg in September 1944, Peggy looked across a wide expanse of lawn to the buildings of United College. The campus occupied five and a half acres and had two main structures: Wesley Hall and Sparling Hall Residence. Wesley's cornerstone had been laid in 1894. An impressive grey-sandstone structure with twin towers that gave it a slightly medieval appearance, Wesley housed administrative offices; Convocation Hall (which was used for assemblies, some classes, and chapel services); the men's residence on the fourth floor; classrooms; and Tony's tuck shop in the basement. Near Wesley stood Sparling Hall, which contained the women's residence. On the first floor of Sparling, there was a music room, a common room, and a dining room, where men and women students took their meals together. At the rear of Sparling Hall, a rough storage building served in winter as a change-house for skating. The rink itself was simply a large open area in the field north of Wesley Hall.
Life in the women's residence was not unpleasant. In 1943, Dorothie Neil had been appointed Dean, replacing Eleanor "Pansy" Bowes, who had been at United for nineteen years. Dean Neil, still in her early twenties and a recent graduate of the University of Manitoba, held a dual appointment as Dean of Residence for Women and Dietitian. Although she could be strict, Dean Dorothie Neil found the women residents co-operative, and she was tolerant of their liveliness.
Peggy Wemyss was assigned to share a room on the fourth floor of Sparling Hall with another "W," Helen Warkentin. Two years older than Peggy, Helen had worked before entering college. She recalls that Peggy was mature in her concerns and focused in her studies. Although Helen's interests ran to music, curling, and French, rather than literature, she liked Peggy and remembers lots of laughter and good fun. The young women got along well and roomed together in Sparling Hall for two years. A snapshot shows them seated side by side on one of the iron bedsteads in the dorm. A smiling Peggy has shoulder-length hair and is dressed in skirt and blazer. She is wearing nail polish. In another snapshot, Helen and Peggy are wearing slacks and men's plaid flannel shirts, which they considered de rigueur for studying. The girls look happy and confident as they pose for the camera. They are standing at a rakish angle, boldly brandishing cigarettes.
The student body at United College was small and closely knit. The entering class of 1947 had approximately forty students, although by graduation time it had increased to sixty-seven. All first- and second-year students attended lectures together. In a letter sent back to her high school, Peggy remarked that registration at the university had been a "horrible ordeal" that involved standing in line for hours. It was difficult for her to adjust to early classes, and she needed to work "much, much harder" than she had at NCI.
On "Freshie Day" in September, classes were cancelled and the undergrads from the university and its affiliated colleges assembled in the Civic Auditorium for speeches, followed by a faculty-student track meet and picnic in Sargent Park. "By the end of the day everyone had a sore throat from shouting." Perhaps she fell asleep that night to echoes of United's cheer, which began:
Katana! Katana! Kasula! Kasah!
United!! Katara! Katah!
Wesley! Toba! White and Red!
Ever leading! Never led!
"Life in residence is a lot of fun," Peggy reported. She mentioned some practical jokes and described a night when the boys in residence caused a commotion by bringing a goat to the fourth floor of the women's residence. The boys were jubilant. However, Dean Dorothie Neil was somewhat less enthusiastic. She remembers working hard with the caretaker, Carl Pye, and several students to get the goat safely down the stairs, which had metal treads, and out of the building. All in all, however, those years were a time of innocence, when pranks by undergraduates involved no more than the occasional dropping of water balloons from the fourth floor of Wesley Hall or telephoning the dean to ask if the college was located on Portage Avenue, and then, in tones of muffled laughter, instructing her to "Move it!" For all the students' highjinks, they were not unmindful that the Second World War was still raging. Peggy continued her involvement with the relief effort by working on Wednesday afternoons at the Central Volunteer Bureau, where she did typing and filing and phoned round for volunteers.
Not long after arriving on campus, Peggy felt ready to plunge ahead with her writing. In a bold move, she submitted some pieces to _The Manitoban_ (University of Manitoba) which was published more frequently and had a larger circulation than _Vox_ (United College's literary journal). Although she mentions submitting work under the male pseudonym "Steven Lancaster," nothing under that name has been located. At that time, it was not uncommon for women writers in England and North America to use a man's name, but it is significant that Peggy chose the name "Lancaster," after the Lancaster Bomber, one of the most successful and powerful bombers of the Second World War era. This plane, which typically carried fourteen thousand pounds of bombs, flew on virtually every major bombing raid in Europe and, despite its size, handled "as easily and dexterously as a Tiger Moth." In choosing the strong pseudonym Steven Lancaster, Peggy was declaring her seriousness and determination as a writer. This is also reflected in the fact that she lost no time in submitting her literary work to various college publications.
From United's campus, it was only a short walk down Osborne Street to the Broadway office of _The Manitoban_. There, Peggy saw Jack Ludwig, its former editor, who had been dismissed from the University of Manitoba during the previous spring, prior to his scheduled graduation. By the time Peggy arrived in Winnipeg that September, Jack Ludwig's situation had become a cause célèbre, for his "offence" had to do with freedom of speech. As editor of _The Manitoban_ 's literary supplement, Ludwig had approved the publication of a war-protest poem "Atrocities," written by Burt Hamilton, president of the student body. The _Winnipeg Free Press_ picked up the information and, describing the poem as treasonous, hinted that it was the result of Communist interference. An investigation was launched, and, despite the lack of evidence, both men were dismissed without their degrees. Young Hamilton's penalty was military duty; after serving in the navy, he was later reinstated at the university. However, military service for Ludwig was out of the question. He could not have passed the physical exam because of the effects of a serious childhood illness. The university was abuzz with talk about the injustice of the boys' dismissals. Although Ludwig was not the author of "Atrocities," his penalty was much more severe than Hamilton's. Many students believed that the administration's harshness against Jack Ludwig stemmed from the fact that he was Jewish.
The University of Manitoba, under President Sidney Smith, was then in the throes of a big upset, because the medical college had a quota system limiting the number of Jewish students accepted to its program. A "numerus clausus," or "specific quota," had effectively blocked many Jewish students' admission to medical school, including, as Peggy would later learn, that of Miriam Wiseman (the older sister of her friend and fellow writer Adele Wiseman). In an effort to remedy the injustice, many undergraduates at United took action. A classmate of Peggy's recalls a writing campaign spearheaded by the campus Student Christian Movement (SCM), which successfully protested that quota system to members of the provincial parliament.
During Peggy's first year at United, she followed a rigorous liberal-arts program, taking courses in English, history, ethics, psychology, French, and German. After the first class each morning, the bell for chapel rang. The simple service was held in Convocation Hall, the only room on United's campus that could accommodate several hundred students. The service, which was taken by members of the faculty and administration, was meant "to strengthen faith and practice fellowship." It included scripture passages, hymns, meditation, and a brief talk. Afterwards there would be announcements and a few minutes to greet friends. Attendance was optional, but Lois Freeman Wilson, who sang in the chapel choir, recalls that, during the war years, it was difficult to find a seat even in the galleries. It is not clear whether Peggy attended chapel service regularly, but it seems likely that she went occasionally. One classmate, Charlie Forsyth, recalls that he and Peggy hotly debated the merits of the Scottish Psalter with Professor Doris Peterson, who had joined United's English department in 1946.
At that time, strong friendships, fierce loyalties, and a deep concern for the less fortunate were among the hallmarks of United College students and faculty. The college was known for the earnestness of its faculty, who fostered the students' intellectual life. On the whole it was politically liberal, and the professors often took an unpopular stand. Lois Freeman Wilson recalls being "encouraged to think, question, critique, and debate, not only with other students, but also with my professors."
In that setting during the mid 1940s, students suspended their complaints about the food, which was wartime fare, and the acrid fumes that filled the air when caretaker Carl Pye, mindful of the college budget, stoked the furnace with assorted pieces of lumber and rubber tires. Although it was the era of wartime constraints, there was no rationing of intellectual fare, however, and Peggy's intellectual curiosity and eagerness to learn found generous support on campus. She wrote: "I had wonderful teachers of English at United College: as well as Arthur Phelps there were Meredith Thompson, Doris Peterson, and especially Robert Halstead. He and his wife Anne became valued friends. Malcolm Ross taught me a course on Milton and seventeenth-century thought at the University of Manitoba, a course that profoundly affected my life."
During her first year, however, the teacher who clearly had the strongest influence on Peggy was Arthur L. Phelps, who had been at United College for over twenty years. By 1944, when Peggy took his literature class, Phelps's somewhat dramatic teaching methods and unorthodox style had made him a legend on campus. Peggy's classmates affectionately recall Phelps, who had bushy black eyebrows and dark hair that was balding on top, as a memorable teacher. "He had a golden-edged voice, read poetry beautifully, and was very interested in Canadian writers." Peggy never forgot his lectures in Convocation Hall:
I remember Phelps, twisted fantastically around the lectern, his face looking uncannily like that of an Irish leprechaun, and I remember the sad solemn portraits of Very Important Persons, gazing down perhaps a little perplexedly, at this decidedly unsolemn man who yet possessed something of almost Shakespearian dignity in his manner and in his expressive voice, and who had somehow managed to put his finger on the very pulse of literature.
Phelps "was a fascinating man: enthusiastic, intellectually curious, and a great encourager." He had a "pixie-ish look" and several mannerisms and eccentricities that delighted his students. One day when workmen had left a stepladder in the room, Professor Phelps climbed up it, talking all the while, and then, seated on the top step, completed his lecture. At other times, Phelps, clad in academic gown, would look over his pince-nez and smile at the class. "We got a sort of warm feeling," remembers Alan Hockin. "But he wouldn't allow any nonsense, although he was part of the fun." Seated in Arthur Phelps's class during her first year at United, Peggy "sometimes became too interested in the lecture and forgot to take notes." She later summed up Phelps's impact: "The chief thing one remembers are, first, his awareness of Canada and its people, and secondly, the way in which he linked literature of the past with the present.... Literature to Phelps was not something famous, calm and dead. It was vitally connected with life, always a living commentary that passed from age to age."
Arthur Phelps was also moderator of the prestigious English Club, which met monthly at his home. Peggy, unaware that upperclassmen became members through invitation, asked Phelps how she might go about joining the club. He simply invited her to come. At the next meeting, however, he informed the members that Peggy Wemyss would be joining their group that evening, and asked them to accept her graciously, although this was only her first semester at United. Then, taking aside the club president, Alan Hockin, Phelps confided: "She is very remarkable and you will hear of her in the future."
The Phelps family lived in a large, comfortable older home on Assiniboine Avenue near the big bend in the river at Armstrong's Point. The living room had high ceilings and an impressive rough-hewn stone fireplace, which Phelps himself had built and into which he fed well-seasoned wood brought down from his cottage in the country.
Mrs. Phelps usually greeted club members at the front door. As Peggy walked in, the welcoming fragrance of logs burning in the large stone fireplace filled the living room, summoning memories of her own family's cottage at Clear Lake. In the Phelps's living room, students gathered and chatted before the meeting began. Usually one member gave a paper on a topic not covered in the curriculum; then there would be questions, discussion, and argument. Sometimes Phelps invited a visiting writer to speak to the group; once it was Morley Callaghan. At the evening's close, members adjourned to the dining room and, near a large samovar of coffee, enjoyed sandwiches and Mrs. Phelps's famous sesame buns. She was a very motherly person, concerned about the students, and occasionally offered worried collegians "a shoulder to cry on."
Belonging to the English Club under Professor Phelps was indeed a special opportunity for Peggy, bringing her for the first time into contact with a group of peers who cared deeply about literature. "It was one of my happiest and most rewarding college experiences." The rigorous intellectual discussion and the deep appreciation of literature fostered in Phelps's class and in the club meetings made a lasting impression on Peggy.
When Arthur Phelps left United College the following year to join the newly established International Service of the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC), the English Club would continue under the auspices of Professor Doris Peterson ("Petie"), who had come to United from Connecticut College for Women. She had been told by the department's chairman that she would enjoy Winnipeg's "salubrious cold." Professor Peterson would soon earn a reputation as a fine teacher, and her review lectures before final exams were so effective that crowds of students from the Broadway campus of the university also attended them. An active scholar, Doris Peterson also taught a memorable course in "Poetry from the Metaphysicals to the Moderns," which included T.S. Eliot's _Four Quartets_. During those years, T.S. Eliot was all the rage on campus. His quest for meaning against the backdrop of the twentieth century's sense of malaise, and his explorations of time and memory appealed strongly to Peggy and her fellow collegians.
In those days, the pulse of United's students could be felt throbbing in an unlikely place, "Tony's tuck shop" under the southwest tower of Wesley Hall. It was presided over by an extraordinary man, Tony Kozyra, who was more like an uncle than a proprietor. Being neither a member of the faculty nor of the student body, he was in a unique position vis à vis the young people. The shop was not just a convenient place for coffee and snacks. Tony Kozyra cheered up students who were discouraged, listened to their problems, and from time to time lent money to those who were broke. At the tables in "Tony's," the walls "ringed with graduates' pictures, and carved with students' names," students as well as faculty gathered to talk and argue ideas.
Peggy's roommate, Helen, remembers sitting in Tony's in the late afternoon, arguing politics for hours with a group that usually included herself and Peggy as well as Madge Hetherington, Charlie Forsyth, Stirling ("Red") Lyon, Rayburn McCall, Heath MacQuarrie, Jack Borland, and Lyall Powers. At least three of the men were veterans of the Second World War, and in the years following graduation, many from that group in Tony's went on to important careers in public office or university teaching. Lyon and MacQuarrie were Conservatives, while the others were Liberal. Several classmates describe Peggy as "keenly intelligent, thought-provoking, an exciting person to be with." Both MacQuarrie and Forsyth recall that "Peggy was always one of the gang. Very definitely. She was always in the thick of any discussion." In that group, however, the discussions were not about social life, but about social movements.
Madge Hetherington was another aspiring writer, with whom Peggy had made friends in her first year and who also lived in the women's residence. Bright and attractive, with dark hair and blue eyes, Madge was the daughter of a minister from Carman, Manitoba. She too had found her hometown stifling and was excited by the intellectual ferment at United. She describes herself as rebellious and somewhat unconventional, though she achieved high marks.
Another close friend of Peggy's was Patricia Jenkins, an intellectually gifted young woman, who also had a strong determination to become a writer. Pat Jenkins, a striking blonde with classical good looks, was voted Freshie Queen. Peggy worried a good deal about her own looks and was convinced that she was unattractive. As she noticed the boys gathered around Pat and Madge, she probably felt twinges of jealousy, although she later remarked that it was a drawback to be valued more for one's looks than for one's mind. On the whole, Peggy felt it was wonderful to have friends and classmates such as Pat and Madge, with whom she could have long talks about writing and literature and their shared desire to become writers. Recalling those days, Madge now remarks that, "if you didn't know Peggy well, you would think she was an extrovert, but inside she was just as scared as the rest of us."
Patricia Jenkins had been born in Souris, a small prairie town that she later fictionalized as Mouse Bluffs in her novel _A Candle to Light the Sun_ , published posthumously in 1960. When Pat was in elementary school, her family had moved to Winnipeg. She lived with them on Qu'Appelle, near United's campus. "I used to go over to her place fairly often," remarked Laurence, "and we would also talk in Tony's. We showed each other our writing a good deal.... I don't think either of us had the slightest doubt that we would be writers — it was the only work either of us wanted to do."
A few months after starting college, Peggy attended her first Canadian play, "Dark Harvest" by Gwen Pharis Ringwood, which was produced by the University of Manitoba Dramatic Society in January 1945. _The Manitoban_ noted that Ringwood was present and "won the hearts of the audience, with her pleasant, excited manner, her natural unaffectedness." Recalling that play years later in her preface to _The Collected Plays of Gwen Pharis Ringwood_ , Laurence noted: "It made a deep and lasting impression on me.... It was set in the prairies during the drought and depression, my own land and the time of my own growing up." These remarks are similar to those that Laurence made about the impact of reading Sinclair Ross's novel _As for Me and My House_ with its depiction of life on the prairies.
During her first year at college, Peggy remained troubled by the awful consequences of the war. Her concerns were echoed in Vox, which had many features dealing with war; one issue carried a particularly moving story "Phineas Student Goes to War" as well as an angry anti-war poem "The Children of Europe: A Pastoral." In addition, there were many veterans on campus, and Peggy's friendships at United made her painfully aware of the human tragedy of war as it affected the families of those friends and their classmates.
As Peggy's first year drew to a close, the news of Germany's surrender on May 8, 1945, brought great excitement to the campus and the city. Nearby a large banner "THANK GOD FOR VICTORY" hung from the façade of the Hudson's Bay building, and the Union Jack proudly waved from double flagpoles above Portage Avenue. The euphoria was tangible, as crowds poured into Winnipeg's streets, laughing and celebrating. In the days following the surrender, collegians eagerly discussed plans for a world without war, where countries might exist side by side in peace.
That euphoria was rudely shattered three months later by the alarming news that American planes had dropped atomic bombs on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. People flocked to the cinema, spellbound by newsreels showing the billowing cloud from the atomic explosion as it rose high into the atmosphere. That image of the atomic blast was to haunt Peggy and many of her classmates. Though deeply grateful that the war had ended, they were profoundly troubled by the magnitude of the atomic destruction and its ominous portents.
The collegians' concerns are evident in the pages of several undergraduate publications. A long satirical poem, "Democritus Walks at Hiroshima" by Jack Borland, a good friend of Peggy's and himself a veteran, appeared in the autumn 1945 issue of _Vox_. The intertextuality of his poem significantly enhances its effectiveness. In addition to incorporating fragments of contemporary conversation, Borland makes arresting use of lines from Tennyson's "The Charge of the Light Brigade" (a nineteenth-century pro-war poem); T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men" (conveying the mood after the First World War); and Abraham Lincoln's "Gettysburg Address" (delivered at the site of one of the most devastating battles of the American Civil War). Jack Borland's poem reads in part:
Just press the button on the left there, lady,
And we all go up with a bang.
....................
Button, button, who's got the button?
Into the valley of death
Rode the millennium.
....................
You were wrong, Mr. Eliot,
Dead wrong.
We are to be spared the whimper,
Rather it's for us the living,
To die as we lived,
Fast.
Campus authors were writing about the war in prose, poetry, and essays. Margaret Laurence later commented on that period in her life:
My generation was the first in human history to come into young adulthood with the knowledge that mankind now had the terrifying power to destroy all life on earth....I still remember — and I was a young woman at college at the time — when the bomb fell on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I remember discussing this with all my friends. We realized that the world would never be the same again and I have been concerned about the whole issue of peace since that time.
When classes resumed in September 1945, Peggy was in her third year academically, although it was only her second year at United College. The campus scene had drastically changed. The University of Manitoba and its affiliated colleges had run out of space. An influx of returning veterans caused a swift, sharp rise in enrollment, and additional faculty were needed immediately. United College's student body had almost doubled, while the number of its accommodations had remained the same. The bustling, crowded, seemingly chaotic campus was very different from the tranquil scene that had greeted Peggy the previous September. Now classes had to be temporarily scheduled in the basements of nearby churches, in old army barracks, in the Legion Hall, and in United's "skating shack," which had been quickly winterized and refurbished as a "classroom." Hundreds of experienced veterans now sat side by side in class with seventeen-year-olds who had just completed high school, some of whom had never before travelled on a streetcar or been to a city.
One of the most formative influences during Peggy's college years was the Social Gospel. The term refers not to something that she studied in class, but rather to a group of ideals shared by many of United's faculty and "felt" in the atmosphere at the college. Although the term sounds religious, it does not apply to a particular denomination. During the years following the First World War and the Great Depression, various leftist political movements allied to Fabianism or Communism or Socialism sought to change the political agenda in Canada, especially in the Prairie provinces. In addition, there was a strong movement for change endorsed in a particular way by many nonconforming Protestant churches. Referred to as the Social Gospel, this movement was very strong on the Prairies. Its tenets were espoused, wrote Laurence, by "the founders of the Social Democratic party, the CCF [Co-operative Commonwealth Federation], people such as J.S.Woodsworth, Stanley Knowles, Tommy Douglas." At United College, many of the faculty endorsed the Social Gospel and sought concrete ways to bring about change in the social order. One classmate recalls: "While we didn't talk a whole lot about it, the Social Gospel was in the very air we breathed. We absorbed it like osmosis. At United, the ideals of the Social Gospel were all around us."
The enduring significance of the Social Gospel in Margaret Laurence's life is reflected decades later in her 1982 Convocation Address, given at Emmanuel College, Victoria University:
Ours is a terrifying world. Injustice, suffering and fear are everywhere to be found. It is difficult to maintain hope in such a world, and yet I believe there is hope. I want to proclaim and affirm my personal belief in the Social Gospel. I speak as a Christian, a woman, a writer, a parent, a member of humanity and a sharer in life itself, a life I believe to be informed and infused with the holy spirit. I do not think it is enough to hope and pray that our own lives and souls will know grace, even though my entire life as a writer has been concerned with my belief that all human individuals matter, that no one is ordinary.
A year after she delivered that address, Margaret Laurence wrote in 1983 to another Manitoban, Professor Paul Hiebert, whom she had known as an undergraduate. She confided to him the following thoughts about her own work:
[I want] of course to continue my own writing, my own work, but this seems related to the state of the world in general. I keep coming back, again and again, all the time, to the Social Gospel. Our Lord's new commandment, 'Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself:... 7 words. Seven words only. And yet — how incredibly complex, how incredibly difficult, how incredibly necessary, at least in our very imperfect ways to attempt. There are things I want to say in fiction, not in didactic ways but through human individual characters, and have not as yet found the way to do so.
I keep on trying, and pray that it will be given to me. We will see.
Over the years, Laurence consistently described her political position as that of a committed Social Democrat, a position which, she explained, was close to the tenets of the Social Gospel. Her enduring concern with the Social Gospel is apparent even in the last months of her life. After learning that she was terminally ill, Margaret Laurence began to plan her funeral service. Among the hymns to be sung, she chose "Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah," partly because "it expresses to me some of my life's struggles for peace and justice and partly because it reminds me of the Social Gospel."
From September 1939, when Canada had joined England in taking up arms against the Axis powers, until the surrender of Japan in 1946, Peggy and most of her classmates had lived under the cloud of war. It made a profound impression on her during the formative years of adolescence and early adulthood. The uncertainty that hovered over that period in her life repeated the pattern of uncertainty that had formed the background of Peggy's childhood. Nevertheless, as a young adult she did not feel as powerless as she had in childhood, and while at college her days were also permeated with the optimism and energy of youth. Peggy and her friends took time to relax after classes were over. They went off campus to grab a hamburger at the nearby Salisbury Steak House, a snack at Kelekis Chip Wagon, or an ice-cream soda at Blue Boy. They walked downtown to the cinema, and sometimes, as Joyce Friesen recalls, they even trudged seven miles to see a film at the Bijou in the North End. They also enjoyed United College's annual social events, such as Stunt Night, various tea dances, the "beard and mustache contest" for resident men, and "the Grads' Farewell."
By September of Peggy's senior year (1946-1947), the University of Manitoba had a record enrollment of over sixty-five hundred students, and the affiliated colleges were also bursting at the seams. Peggy was busy as an associate editor of Vox, United's literary journal, then edited by her friend Jack Borland. Borland, an RCAF veteran with lively dark eyes, dark hair, and a slim build, was serious about his writing. Within the group he was known as Ariel, probably after the character in _The Tempest_. Jack Borland and Peggy dated frequently, and many of their friends thought they would marry. Years later, Laurence opened her apocalyptic novel, _The Fire-Dwellers_ (1969), with these four lines from a children's rhyme: "Ladybird, ladybird / Fly away home; / Your house is on fire, / Your children are gone;" lines that apply very appropriately to a major theme of that novel. The same rhyme, however, had been used quite prominently by Jack Borland in a powerful short story published in _Vox_ when he and Peggy were undergraduates. Borland's story focuses on a young soldier, the death of the soldier's mother, and her "haunting of him." In that same issue of _Vox_ , an essay by Peggy and several of her poems appeared. She would have been moved both by Borland's style and by his story about war and the death of the mother. Laurence's later use of those lines in _The Fire-Dwellers_ may have been a coincidence or it might have been her private homage to Jack Borland and to that important period in her life.
Although Laurence's memoirs only briefly mention her connection to _Vox_ , that engagement was very important to her. _Vox_ served as a forum for literary talent and provided an opportunity to enhance skills needed to work with others in putting together a good college publication. As an assistant editor, Peggy was able to build upon the skills she had developed while working on her high-school paper and at the office of the _Neepawa Press_.
During her last year at United College, Peggy enrolled in Malcolm Ross's honours course "Seventeenth-Century Non-dramatic Literature," which was also open to graduate students. Ross was on the faculty at the University of Manitoba, and his class met at the Fort Garry campus. The ride out there was "terrible," recalls one student; "The bus was always full and we had to stand." But once they arrived in Professor Ross's seminar, those discomforts faded.
A dozen students met informally around a large table and engaged in heated discussion about topics such as the poetry of John Donne and the influence of the cosmology of Copernicus and Galileo on Donne's writing. Laurence described that class in a later tribute to Professor Ross:
We talked about these matters as though they had happened only the day before yesterday. Our sense of the _immediacy_ of great literature we owed in no small measure to Malcolm Ross. He encouraged — indeed, insisted upon — our thinking for ourselves. He made accessible to us many aspects of the literature we were examining, but he also helped us to trust our own responses to it.... I still recall with great clarity the excitement and enthusiasm of those classes.
Malcolm Ross, who was then in his mid-thirties, had earned his doctorate at Cornell University and, prior to his appointment to the University of Manitoba, had worked with the National Film Board of Canada. A dedicated scholar, Ross had genuine concern for his students. It seemed to the collegians as if Professor Ross himself was always learning. He was an exciting and creative lecturer. One former seminar member described Ross as a man who dealt in ideas as "if they were pulsating, live things. Where other people might pull off the petals of a daisy in order to show it, Ross put the daisy together." He thought dialectically, and that was one of his strengths. He could always find opposites and the resolution of tensions. Although Ross had been attracted to left-wing causes while at Cornell University, he became an Anglo-Catholic during his Manitoba years. His book _Milton and Royalism_ had been published in 1943, and his University of Manitoba lectures were later published as _Poetry and Dogma.™_
Margaret Laurence's life-long passion for the great English poet, John Milton, and her respect for his achievement certainly owed much to Malcolm Ross's class. In that seminar, despite the professor's erudition, she felt free to express her own opinions about Milton and to raise questions about his ideas. Many years later, she showed an interviewer her old and battered leather-bound copy of _Paradise Lost_. He then remarked on the numerous annotations Peggy had made in the book and noted that, in one margin, she had written, "What would Mrs. Milton have said!!!"
Peggy could be witty and firm in her opinions. Once Professor Ross took an entire lecture to set forth the anatomy of Aristotelian philosophy and demonstrate how Thomas Aquinas had built a theology on it. After Ross left the room, Peggy turned to fellow student John Speers and, commenting on the length of the lecture, said with a smile, "And Kant only needed two pages to tear all that to pieces!"
John Speers, who had studied with Northrop Frye at the University of Toronto, was then pursuing a Master's degree at the University of Manitoba. He recalls Malcolm Ross as "a great teacher." Although he found Ross and Frye to be very different, Speers felt "both men had a spirituality. They had a sense of seeing wholeness, of seeing forms and putting things together. Both men were highly original and you felt they were discovering as they were lecturing and you were making the discovery with them."
Adele Wiseman, two years younger than Peggy, was then enrolled at the University of Manitoba, where she also studied with Malcolm Ross. Wiseman was to become an accomplished writer and lifelong friend of Margaret Laurence. Adele Wiseman concisely described the situation in Professor Ross's class during the years that followed the influx of returning veterans:
The encounter with a teacher of the calibre of Malcolm Ross, who had the rare ability to communicate intellectual passion, had the effect of awakening the faculties to something far more exciting and more importantly binding than the divisive worries about differences in age and experience. We shared the excitement of learning a way of learning, an attitude to experience, to standards, to larger goals. We became comrades, grew in self-confidence and determination to enter and help create and extend the cultural life of this country. Malcolm Ross taught us to look to literature not simply as a by-product but as a prime value, as the expression of the quality of a society, as witness to the soul of a culture.
In addition to that memorable seminar with Malcolm Ross, Peggy also studied with another stimulating teacher during her senior year, Robert N. Halstead, who with his wife had come to Winnipeg from the United States. Peggy became friends with the Halsteads and occasionally baby-sat for their son. Professor Halstead was a vibrant and creative teacher with an enthusiasm for modern literature. His talent for encouraging creative writing had a positive influence on Peggy, and Bob Halstead became one of the very few persons with whom she corresponded frankly about her fiction after she had married and moved abroad.
The exciting atmosphere on campus and in the city of Winnipeg made an ideal setting for an aspiring writer. In addition to being in Malcolm Ross's class, Peggy also knew about several faculty members at the Fort Garry campus of the University of Manitoba, among them Roy Daniells, chair of the English department. However, Daniells left Winnipeg in 1946 for the University of British Columbia. He subsequently sent back letters and poems that were published in _The Manitoban_. He wrote with enthusiasm about the West Coast poet and teacher Earle Birney, mentioning in particular his long poem, "Daniel." That same issue of _The Manitoban_ carried a modernist poem by Malcolm Ross called "New Day." Chemist Paul Hiebert was another remarkable and colourful literary figure at the University of Manitoba, who seemed to prefer literature to the Bunsen burner. Although Peggy was not in his class, she attended several of Hiebert's readings, where he regaled the undergraduates with chapters from his humorous tour-de-force _Sarah Binks_. Using style with great adroitness, he recounted the fictional literary career of Sarah, "sweet songstress of Saskatchewan." Hiebert subsequently received the Leacock Medal for Humour for _Sarah Binks_. In later years, Margaret Laurence and Hiebert exchanged letters in which they discussed philosophical and religious matters, particularly as these were expressed in his books: _Tower in Siloam_ (1966) and _Doubting Castle_ (1976), which explore the place of humans in the universe.
Beyond Tony's tuck shop in Wesley Hall and not far from the campus of United College, a number of interesting developments aimed at creating a more secure future for Canada and the world were under way in Winnipeg. One effort involved the establishment of co-operative residences within the city. On Balmoral Street, several student co-operative houses sponsored by the Student Christian Movement were set up during the mid 1940s. Some Japanese-Canadian students were welcomed there as residents after their release from Canadian internment camps. During that same period, Watson Thomson, a dynamic Scot and "controversial activist educator," launched an ambitious plan to change the world order. Thomson, with a group of like-minded persons, established a group residence that was designed to effect transformative-communitarian living. It was referred to in Winnipeg as the Roslyn Road Community. After its beginnings in the province of Alberta, a core group under Watson's leadership had moved to Winnipeg and set up an "intentional community" at Roslyn Road. Some of the members collaborated in preparing a study of Manitoba's pressing economic and social problems, _Pioneers in Poverty_ ; others were involved with the Prairie School for Social Advance.
Members of Thomson's group believed that study-groups within a communal setting would become "spearheads of social change," and that "guided by the vision of a fully co-operative society, similar groups would gradually initiate a social and intellectual revolution." Because Watson Thomson had inaugurated the Adult Education Division at the University of Manitoba (1941) and frequently broadcast on the radio, he was widely known in Winnipeg and had friends in the academic community. A number of collegians, aware of the Roslyn Road community, met at the house from time to time with visitors from all over Canada for discussion and an occasional meal with the group. The Roslyn Road house, a magnificent old building with floors of quarter-cut oak, had a wide entrance hall and a panelled library, where discussions were held. Other attractive features of the house included a huge fireplace in the living room, a dining room large enough to hold the whole group, and a carved oak stairway that led to the second and third floors. As an undergraduate, Peggy knew about the group's utopian ideals. She may have recalled Watson Thomson's visit to NCI when she in high school, and she probably attended a few meetings of the community at Roslyn Road.
By the autumn of 1946, however, Watson Thomson and his wife had left Manitoba for Saskatchewan, and the group was in a period of transition. As members moved, and apartments became available in the former co-op house on Roslyn Road, Peggy and some friends took an apartment there. She had decided to move off campus for her final year at college. As things turned out, Mary Turnbull, a shy poet and an aspiring journalist, agreed to share a place there with Peggy. The yearbook describes Mary Turnbull as a "blue-eyed idealist... a frequent contributor to _Vox_ and _The Manitoban_... interested in all literature with a preference for Canadian poetry and [William] Saroyan." Mary and Peggy lived in several places during the next year. Once they sublet a faculty member's apartment, where they cheerfully painted a marble fireplace and its mahogany mantel a shade of purple. For at least part of the winter they moved into a boarding house in the North End of Winnipeg, about a mile past the terminus of the Selkirk Avenue streetcar line. The streetcar ride gave Peggy the background for one of her most experimental poems: "North Main Car," which will be discussed subsequently. Winnipeg's North End was the site of several richly diverse ethnic communities. Although Peggy lived in the area briefly as an undergraduate, she returned to live there the following year. The unique features of that place and period have since been captured in memoirs, artwork, and literature. Margaret Laurence on a number of occasions also spoke movingly of the impact that living in the North End had on her life.
From there Peggy and Mary Turnbull moved to a small flat at 356 Broadway, not far from United College. As roommates they talked earnestly about literature and about becoming journalists. Mary recalls Peggy wearing "À Bientôt" perfume, and sitting at her desk consulting a thesaurus, a book that Mary had never seen before. In July, brimming with good cheer, they sent out invitations to a soirée, at which they planned to serve "beer, salami, Roquefort cheese, dill pickles, and pink ice-cream."
They subsequently moved back into the former co-op house on Roslyn Road, along with Madge Hetherington and her roommate Joyce Friesen. The girls could easily walk from United's campus, past the impressive Manitoba legislative buildings, and across the Osborne Street bridge to 139 Roslyn Road (no longer standing). The house was set on a large, deep property that stretched down to the Assiniboine River. According to her memoirs, Peggy first noticed her future husband, Jack Laurence, an RCAF veteran, on the staircase of that Roslyn Road house: "I thought his face not only was handsome, but also had qualities of understanding. I said to myself, 'That's the man I'd like to marry.'" And so she did, four months after her graduation from college.
The description of seeing Jack Laurence on the staircase is reminiscent of an earlier life-altering decision that she recalled making at the age of fourteen on the staircase of the Big House in Neepawa — her decision to become a writer. Margaret's account of noticing Jack conveys the impression that she had not seen him before; that is doubtful, however. Jack Laurence had been in Winnipeg for some time.
Prior his discharge from the RCAF, Jack had been stationed at an airbase about one hundred miles from Winnipeg, and had joined the Roslyn Road group "every other weekend for about a year." One of the original members of the co-op, Kay Bolton, recalls that, after Jack was discharged, he resided full-time at Roslyn Road and "used to bring Peggy to the house quite a lot." Margaret Laurence's description of seeing Jack on the staircase probably reflects the moment when she realized she had fallen in love with him, rather than the first time she actually saw him. Jack's bearing and good looks made people take notice. No doubt, Peggy also had seen him on campus at United College, where Jack took an accelerated program in the Collegiate Division in order to gain admission to the University of Manitoba. He finished the required classes while living at Roslyn Road, and then entered the engineering program at the University of Manitoba.
John Fergus (Jack) Laurence had been raised in Alberta and had met Watson Thomson as a result of his mother, Elsie's Laurence's, prompting. In the summer of 1939, Elsie Laurence, along with the playwright Gwen Pharis Ringwood and her husband, had attended a week-long session under Watson Thomson's direction at the Alberta School of Community Life. Elsie Fry Laurence had respect for the ideals of Thomson and his group and was familiar with his experiment in communitarian living.
It was natural, therefore, for Jack and another comrade, Frank Collier, to come frequently from the airbase at Carberry to visit the community at Roslyn Road, and eventually the two men moved in there. They enjoyed the challenging intellectual discussions and contagious optimism of the group. Jack, however, was not drawn to Roslyn Road solely because of Thomson's ideals for a new world. He had become fond of a vivacious and attractive young woman who was a member of the group. She and Jack dated quite seriously for some time, and members of the Roslyn Road community expected a wedding. But the young woman had a little son, and Jack made it clear to her that he did not want to be burdened by that. However, his attachment to her is reflected in the fact that he wrote to her from time to time over the next twenty years.
Peggy's friends were taken by surprise when she became engaged to Jack Laurence in 1947, because she had been dating another undergraduate, Jack Borland, a veteran and fellow writer. Friends thought their romance was serious, and it is not clear why the couple did not marry. In any event, when Jack Laurence and Peggy Wemyss began dating, the timing seemed right for both of them. Although Peggy's oldest and dearest friend, Mona, liked Jack Laurence, she could not imagine Peggy as his wife. It all seemed rather hasty. Mona didn't think their personalities were suited to one another, but when she mentioned her reservations to Peggy, she was strongly rebuked. Other friends also thought that Peggy was making a mistake in marrying Jack, but Peggy was "very much in love." It is easy to see why.
Jack Laurence was strong, intelligent, and sympathetic. The eldest of six children, he was born in 1916, while his father was serving overseas in the Great War. As a young adult, Jack left home and Canada just before the outbreak of the Second World War. He had travelled a good deal while in the armed services, and had an air of confidence and calm. He also appreciated literature. Jack's good looks reminded some people of the film actor Clark Gable. Margaret Laurence's comments about Derek, her "first love," shed light on why she was later attracted to Jack Laurence. As a young woman of twenty, Peggy would have been surprised and grateful to receive the attention of this handsome veteran. The fact that Jack's mother was also a writer led Peggy to assume he would be open to having a wife who was a writer. She was not aware then that Jack's father had neither valued nor encouraged his wife's literary efforts. Peggy had no intention of returning to her hometown after graduation. She was hungry for broader horizons and intellectual challenge. In Neepawa, there would be no real future for her. To be in Neepawa would have meant stultifying town life and proximity to her elderly grandfather, "old man Simpson." It would have meant forfeiting her freedom and her life's goals. On the other hand, as Jack's wife, Peggy could look forward to mutual love, children, companionship, travel, and the chance to pursue her writing.
It is significant that Peggy's two serious romantic interests in her youth were with men ten years older than she, both of whom had served in the RCAF. If one examines the photographs in _Dance on the Earth_ , there also appears to be a strong likeness between Peggy's father, who died when she was eight, and Jack Laurence. The resemblance may have contributed at some unconscious level to the attraction. In any case, everyone agrees that Peggy was in love with Jack.
Although their romance flourished during Peggy's last months at college, she sustained her dedication to her writing. Her literature classes had given her an important background for her own work. Under the aegis of excellent teachers, she had studied the finest writing in English literature from the Anglo-Saxon period to the twentieth century. At the same time, her interest in, and appreciation of, Canadian literature had grown. Although Peggy's introduction to Canadian literature had begun at home and been encouraged in Wes McAmmond's Grade Seven classroom, it was at United College that Arthur Phelps's knowledge of — and undiminished enthusiasm for — Canadian literature deeply affected her. In her memoirs Laurence refers to Phelps as "one of the greatest teachers of literature in our country." A sense of his abiding interest in Canadian literature may be gleaned from his monograph _Canadian Writers_ (1951), which was an outgrowth of his class lectures at United College and his radio broadcasts on the subject.
While an undergraduate, Peggy had enjoyed the fellowship of other collegians who were interested in ideas and in literature. One of them recalls that "Peggy, unlike some of her classmates, did not seem to be interested in romantic attachments, but was absorbed in the world of writing and the world of ideas. She had an inquiring mind and a rebellious spirit." At that time the intellectual ferment at United was especially stimulating. Peggy and Cliff Grant, another Honours student, were keenly interested in theological inquiry and would discuss religious matters for hours. Cliff and Peggy also enjoyed music, and he often took her to the Winnipeg Symphony. One friend summed up the stimulating and lively atmosphere of that period in Wordsworth's lines: "Bliss was it in that dawn to be alive, / But to be young was very heaven!" More than fifty years later, many alumni from that era recall their days at United College with affection, respect, and gratitude for attitudes toward learning that were fostered there, for friendships that were formed, and for a dedicated faculty who challenged and encouraged them.
During her college years, Peggy resolutely pursued the craft of writing. An overview of her apprentice work during that period will show her determination and ambition, even as an undergraduate, to develop her literary gifts.
#### UNDERGRADUATE PUBLICATIONS
In her last year at college, Peggy wrote publicity notices for campus events when she served as publicity president of the Students' Council. This was literary training of a different sort. It is important to note that she seized the opportunity to write for publication almost as soon as she arrived on campus in 1944, and that she managed within a few weeks to have poems published in the literary pages of _The Manitoban._ This was a major accomplishment for her. As an undergraduate she succeed ed in publishing at least eighteen poems, three short stories, and a critical essay in _Vox_ (United College) or _The Manitoban_ (University of Manitoba). With one exception, those pieces are signed not as "Peggy," but with her full name, Jean Margaret Wemyss, or a variant.
One poem, "Pagan Point — Wasagaming — Approaching Night," actually had been written while she was in high school, and may have been published in the _Annals of the Black and Gold_. The typed text of the poem was saved by Peggy's high-school English teacher, Mildred Musgrove. The word "Wasagaming" appears in the typescript, but was dropped from the published version in _The Manitoban_. That decision could have been made by an editor who found the word distracting or pretentious, whereas people in Neepawa would have recognized Wasagaming as the Cree name for the largest lake in nearby Riding Mountain National Park (later known as Clear Lake).
The poem's opening line is self-consciously dramatic, but Peggy's choice of particular details is effective, and the varied metrical pattern provides interest.
The blood-tipped rushes thrust their clutching roots
into firm sand. Cool water, darkly blue,
Laps on the beach, leaving a clinging ridge
Of moisture with each small, retreating wave.
And in the background, dark and splendid spruce
Uplift their arms to an untroubled sky.
The poem concludes serenely at dusk:
The lake is stilled, the marsh birds cry no more
This is a dim cathedral — full of rest
Remote from pain, where Man may find his God.
This is the oldest chapel in the world.
This romantic description of the woods, the lake, and the cry of a loon suggests the peace and serenity that were tangible at Clear Lake, where Peggy spent many happy childhood holidays. Although in the poem she uses the words _pagan_ and _heathen_ , those terms are intended to mark periods of time stretching back though millennia, rather than to distinguish between a "pagan" and "Christian" era. The longing for serenity and a place free from anguish was deeply felt.
During all of 1944, the progress of the Second World War involved wrenching personal losses for Peggy and her friends. That year her Neepawa neighbour, Murray Coutts, a pilot, died overseas, and her cousin Bob Pennie perished at the age of nineteen in a burning tank during the last Allied offensive in Europe. Her roommate's brother, also a pilot, had died in a massive bombing raid over Berlin the year before, and Patricia Jenkins's brother, Walter, a Winnipeg Grenadier, had been captured in Hong Kong "handy to Christmas day" 1941, and was still being held prisoner by the Japanese. Such grim personal tragedies had a strong impact on the sensitive young writer, who had already experienced so many deaths in her own family. It is not surprising, therefore, that war and death, as well as isolation and fear, are themes that occur frequently in Peggy's published work in 1944-1945, her first year at college.
"Thought," written in blank verse, appeared prominently in the top-right column of the "Features Page" of _The Manitoban_. It opens with the words of a person who is seeking refuge from fear and war. The language, which might appear melodramatic in another context, here seems apt:
I have need of wind and hilltops,
Far away from the terror and brutality,
Away from the strangled cries of women,
The great dry sobs of men whose sons are dead
And the sickening torrents of bright blood
Of young men who wished desperately to live.
These detailed descriptions of wartime recall the grim editorials by Principal Ray in NCI's _Annals of the Black and Gold_. The poem's closing lines suggest that healing will take place in a setting reminiscent of the British Romantics: in solitude amid nature, where the music of the pines and sweeping gusts of wind will lessen "the aching fear in me." Although the poem refers to healing, it closes with the poignant line: "my heart is sick with the heartsick world." In a poem about her father, which may not have been published, she wrote these bitter lines: "Under the stone lies my father, ten years dead, who would never know as his this bastard world he sired."
"The Imperishable," an ambitious poem of fifty-four lines arranged in four sections, develops against a background of crumbling cities and wasteful wars, where "on the battlefield are left the twisted, dead bodies of young men." The last two parts move away from the horrors of war to ponder the beauty of the earth, which is "untouched by stupidity and insincerity." The poem affirms that the earth will not only survive but will remain untainted. The notion that nature will endure despite the ravages inflicted by humankind appears frequently in works by Robinson Jeffers, a poet whom Peggy greatly admired.
In "Bus-Ride at Night," she tries to combine external description with metaphysical insights. Amid the timeless fields of night, the shrouded domains of the unknown, where there is "no safe light holding back the darkness," a wanderer finds himself alone and lost, "with only his brave heart's shining to show the way / Over rough furrows to the friendly fireside." Isolation is underscored here, and although the opening lines mention the consolingly solid shape of the bus, its headlights "steadily devouring the darkness," and the comfortable sound of its engine purring through the night, there is no communication among the bus's passengers, who remain apart and alone, "afraid to look beyond the headlights' narrow glow."
During her second year at United, eight poems by Peggy appeared in college publications, an impressive number in that competitive literary milieu. "Quest: Clay-Fettered Doors," written in five free-verse stanzas of unequal length, is quite different from her earlier undergraduate poems. The tone and form are new for her, but carry echoes of T.S. Eliot. The poem's abrupt opening lines "I know you. I've seen you before" are addressed by an interlocutor to a person wandering in a large, impersonal city, seeking some sort of answer to a religious crisis. However, no answers are forthcoming from officially sanctioned places: Parliament, the CCF, or established religion. The interlocutor then remarks: "All right, where did you expect to find it?" The poem moves into its final stanza as the seeker shuffles along bleak, dusty pavements, "glancing around for someone who answers to the name of God." The final lines suggest a resolution, as the seeker ponders to himself:
Wait a minute, maybe you've forgotten one place.
But perhaps it wouldn't work after all
......................
Because it's hard to look people straight in the eye,
And tear away gently the carefully woven mask.
In another vein are three poems for children that were also published in _Vox_. For the first time in Peggy's undergraduate work, joyful lines leap from the page. An element of the magical is also present as she gives free rein to her imagination. "Cabbages," written in rhyming couplets, offers children a charming depiction of a butterfly:
I once knew a butterfly, silver and green
Whose wings had a flimmery, shimmery sheen.
......................
She lived in a cabbage all crinkly and cool
And had three large rooms and a small swimming pool.
That mood and metre are sustained for the remaining eleven short stanzas, and the poem's formal structure actually allows Peggy great freedom.
A pair of lyric poems that appeared in the same issue are in a different mode. They present a strong, confident speaker who has found a way to deal with some undefined, enigmatic pain and loss. In both poems, "alone" is used to describe a speaker who finds solace in nature and apart from others "listening not to their bitter talk." Solace resides in making a song — a suggestion that could apply as well to making a poem: "Someday I shall make me a song for singing, / Shaped of laughter and woven of pain."
During Peggy's last year at college, her poems show a decided shift toward classical subject matter: "Thetis' Song about Her Son," "Classical Framework," "Song of the Race of Ulysses," and "Bread Hath He" (the title is taken from a line in _Electra_ by Euripides). In each poem, she tries to use the timeless aspects of the classics in a more personal way.
It is significant that "fear" is almost tangible in "Bread Hath He," her last published undergraduate poem. Here the poet attempts to explore and explain alienation in modern society, an appropriate theme for that post-war era. The sentiments in "Bread Hath He" are akin to those in "Thought," her first published college poem. Both mention a solitariness that cannot be shattered, and an "aching fear" so palpable that, as the speaker notes, "fear is the texture of the penetrating ache within my bones." Feelings of isolation and anxiety about an uncertain future, whether personal or world-wide, remained concerns of Peggy and many of her fellow collegians. In referring to their class in his valedictory address (1947), Heath MacQuarrie noted that, whether the collegians were veterans or not, "the magnitude and significance of world-shaking events was ever pressing upon every day and every activity." Indeed, the impact of the Second World War remained with those graduates. "Bread Hath He" comes to a sombre conclusion as the speaker urges: "because there is no breaking through / — Let us sing songs against the impending shadows." For Peggy herself the cessation of pain and aching fear would be found near at hand within her own writing and in "reaching for the right sound of her own voice."
Although she was awarded the prestigious Aikens Poetry Prize at graduation for "Bread Hath He," many of the poem's lines seem seriously flawed by her choice of words. Distracting phrases such as "electric vitality," "synaptic space," and "the plastic years have hardened immaculately over our faces" diminish the poem's impact.
The shift to classical subject matter in Peggy's poetry during 1946-1947 seems unfortunate. Her poems feel forced and contrived, despite their origins in rich classical texts such as those by Euripides and Sappho. The lyricism and appropriate rhythms of some of her best undergraduate poems are now forfeited, and these poems based on classical material are the least successful of her college period. It is clear that Peggy was struggling to find the right poetic vehicle for her ideas, but the tone is more confident and natural in a number of her earlier poems.
As an undergraduate, the challenge that Peggy set for herself as a poet is obvious in her exploration of a variety of forms: from the traditional sonnet in its several variations to blank verse and free verse. She used varying line lengths, inserted speakers, and experimented with rhyme schemes. Her classmates and others from that era expected Peggy to become a writer, but they thought of her chiefly as a poet.
It is clear, however, that she was drawn to write fiction as well as poetry. Although only two significant short stories seem to have been published while she was in college, "Calliope" and "Tal des Walde," looking more closely at them provides an opportunity to see what the apprentice writer was trying to accomplish.
"Calliope," published in the fall of her second year, drew upon an experience Peggy had had while on a summer visit to Carman, Manitoba. There she and her friend Madge Hetherington had picked cherries and helped run a hot-dog stand at the Carman Fair. "This story," Laurence noted, "came out of my observations of the carnival people, the 'carnies.'"
The events in "Calliope" take place on a rainy day at a country fair. The tawdriness of the place is deftly sketched. The plot centres on several men and a five-year-old boy who has "run away." Two of the men look after the little boy and show him around the fair. When the carnival boss comes looking for a "lost child," the lad goes with him to be reunited with his mother and family. The characters include German Joe; Carl, a Swede; Steve, a gambler; Charlie, who operates a fast-food stand; and Spike, a performer with snakes. Spike's face is scarred, an "ugly gouged pit where his nose had been." His scars are the result of war injuries received when Spike's ship hit a mine and he was badly burned.
In this short story Peggy also handles various dialects with assurance: from German Joe's brand of English to Steve's rough talk. The carnival men have been touched by their brief association with the lad. The last sentence of the story suggests that, as the little boy leaves the place, these men, who have neither children nor families of their own, will find solace in telling tales. "'C'mon Joe,' it concludes, 'tell me the story about yer castle on the Rhine.'"
In commenting on this story, Margaret Laurence later said: "If it were shown to me by a young writer today, I would tell her (as tactfully as possible) that it showed promise, had some good moments and turns of phrase, showed some subtlety in the ending, and was overwhelmingly sentimental." The very fact that Laurence was willing to comment rather favourably on her early effort is untypical of her and probably relates to her personal attachment to the theme of this story — a lost child is cared for and happily reunited with his family.
"Tal des Walde," which has a self-consciously obscure title, was published in _Vox_ (1947). Told from the point of view of a young man who has been travelling, it unfolds as a story within a story and is very different in style and plot from "Calliope." The male narrator stops at a watchmaker's shop and chats with the old proprietor. As they talk, the watchmaker mentions the town's earlier days, remarking: "There are a great many tales which I remember. It seems a pity that so few people know them." He then relates a suspenseful story set in the early twentieth century about an Austrian count, who after mismanaging his estate and amassing gambling debts, seeks a new opportunity in Canada. The consequences of his emigration to Manitoba, where he establishes a feudal-like estate, involve an underlying ethnic conflict and relate to labour, management, and exploitation.
Peggy's use of formal diction for the Austrian count is very appropriate, and somewhat reminiscent of the Latinate diction in tales by Edgar Allan Poe. Her attention to detail is noteworthy; for example, the nobleman has an Austrian name, but the peasants who work for him have Ukrainian names, because the story takes place when the Ukraine was part of the Austro-Hungarian empire. These distinctions are those that she deliberately put in place.
Thirty-one years later "Tal des Walde" was reprinted in the _Journal of Canadian Fiction_ , along with Laurence's comments about it. She did not disparage her youthful effort and noted that the most interesting thing about the story is the fact it connects to all her subsequent writing in this way: namely, a basic life-view that could say, even then, a man is never God, even in his own domain, and "one should not mould the lives of others." Laurence explained: "My views have, I hope, deepened throughout the years, but they have obviously grown from a basic view that was there early on. Parts of the story are, of course, wildly melodramatic, notably the birth scene. But youthful and naive as much of the story is, I would not reject it even now, for it expresses some of my tenets of belief that are as true to me now as they were then."
A minor but significant point in both "Tal des Walde" and "Calliope" resides in the fact that the telling of tales provides the means by which these people find the courage to go on with their lives. In one sense, Peggy herself also was doing that.
In addition to her undergraduate fiction and poetry, Peggy wrote an important essay which appeared in _Vox_ a few months before her graduation: "The Earlier Fountain: a Study of Robinson Jeffers, in his Early Poems and Philosophy." She writes with assurance and demonstrates a wide-ranging knowledge of Robinson Jeffers's work. It may be that her familiarity with his lengthy poem "The Stone Axe" lingered in her memory to provide some background for her later short story, "A Queen in Thebes." This little-known grim, apocalyptic story was published in _Tamarack Review_ (1964) and deals with the ominous consequences of nuclear war. It may be found here in Appendix C.
Being a student at United College during the mid-1940s had a positive effect on Peggy Wemyss's development as a writer and on her maturing as a young adult. The college was not large and she was fortunate in having excellent, concerned faculty. She found friends such as Madge Hetherington, Mary Turnbull, and Pat Jenkins, who also appreciated and enjoyed literature. She worked steadily at her writing, relished the comradeship of the staff of Vox, and discovered a cadre of like-minded students, who appreciated thoughtful conversation, questioned the relevance of religious belief, supported schemes for improving the world, and thoroughly relished good fun.
As college graduation approached, Peggy was planning to get a newspaper job in Winnipeg. Journalism was a natural route for an aspiring novelist and it was also considered an acceptable career for women. In Peggy's last year at United, the campus was abuzz with talk of the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , a new morning newspaper that Professor Harry Ferns was planning to launch. Peggy's roommate Mary Turnbull, and Jeannette Grosney, a friend of Mary's, were eager to become involved in this unique enterprise. Ferns, an idealist, had recruited students to canvass the city, selling subscriptions to the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , which was to be owned cooperatively by citizens. The concept of a genuinely independent paper was very exciting in that postwar era when the young graduates wanted so very much to build a better future for Canada and the world.
After her graduation, Peggy did work at the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , but prior to that she held at least two jobs, one seems to have been in the book department at Eaton's, the other was at _The Westerner_ , a weekly newspaper. As summer drew to a close, she was busy with plans for her wedding, and on September 13, 1947, Peggy and Jack Laurence were married in the United Church in Neepawa. She wore a gown of ivory satin brocade and a full-length veil of silk embroidered net. The best man was John Marshall, a friend of Jack's from the Roslyn Road community, who had been instrumental in founding the Prairie School for Social Advance. Peggy's college friends, Jack Borland and Lyall Powers, were ushers. Two of her friends since childhood, Louise and Mona, were unable to attend because they and their families had moved to another province. A modest wedding reception was held afterwards in Grandfather Simpson's Big House on First Avenue. Peggy and Jack then spent their honeymoon at her family's cottage at Clear Lake, beside Peggy's beloved Lake Wasagaming in the majestic autumn setting of Riding Mountain National Park, splendid in September's green and gold.
After returning to Winnipeg, Jack Laurence continued his engineering studies at the University of Manitoba, and the couple managed to make ends meet during the next two years on his small DVA allowance and Peggy's salary from her work at the newspaper.
### CHAPTER SIX
### Journalism
Between 1947 and 1949, Peggy worked for two newspapers successively. She was hired not long after her graduation as a staff correspondent for _The Westerner_ , a weekly paper that was affiliated with the _Canadian Tribune_. According to her memoirs, she did not realize _The Westerner_ was a Communist paper, although she was vaguely aware that it was left-wing. The staff was small and she did the typical work of a young reporter, covering the Winnipeg scene and writing an occasional book review. Several months later, when financial problems arose with the paper, Peggy was let go, but she was subsequently hired by another newspaper, the _Winnipeg Citizen_.
Her articles in _The Westerner_ and the _Winnipeg Citizen_ offer an interesting window into a formative period in Margaret Laurence's literary apprenticeship. Because she rarely spoke about that period, it might be assumed that her experiences as a young journalist were not significant. The very opposite is true, however. The multi-faceted influences of this newspaper work on Margaret Laurence's literary development may be gathered from more than one hundred and twenty columns that carried her byline in _The Westerner_ and the _Winnipeg Citizen_.
While covering assignments for those papers, Peggy was in the midst of an exciting and controversial scene. The papers carried articles about social, political, and economic issues in Winnipeg, one of Canada's most important postwar centres; and also carried lengthy reports on developments in Europe after the armistice. As a young reporter, Peggy Wemyss was thus brought into contact with a fast-paced and varied national and international scene.
From July through December 1947, she contributed about fifteen signed articles to _The Westerner_. Its banner proclaimed "Truth and Justice for the West," and the editor stated that the paper would convey honest news of the events and life around us — with the moral courage and the strength to tell it. "We will have none of the traditional press: cheap sensationalism and shoddy scandal." Those idealistic goals appealed to Peggy, and she was excited by the prospect of working for the newspaper.
As a cub reporter, Peggy attended public hearings and wrote about housing, welfare, health, and labour issues. Having grown up during the Depression, she would have been aware of some of these matters, but as a young Winnipeg reporter with an urban beat, she must have discovered a dimension and an immediacy to them that had been lacking in her own experiences within the protected environs of Neepawa.
Peggy's first signed article for _The Westerner_ was a lengthy report dealing with the severe postwar housing crisis in Winnipeg. Approximately fifteen hundred people were then in emergency shelters, and the city was in desperate straits trying to meet their needs as well as the housing needs of returning veterans and their families. Peggy provided details about a situation in which fifty-seven families were scheduled to be evicted from Immigration Hall by order of city authorities. A fellow reporter, Ann Henry, in her autobiography, _Laugh, Baby, Laugh_ , has given a detailed description of the dreadful conditions that then existed in Immigration Hall.
In August 1947, Peggy wrote about the recent distribution of anti-Semitic leaflets in Winnipeg, quoting a barrister who had called for a police investigation of the incidents. She also contributed a lengthy article about the province's polio epidemic, noting that the opinions of doctors in Toronto differed from those of the medical authorities in Winnipeg, and referring to the United States's newly established Infantile Paralysis Foundation. Perhaps her coverage was so thorough because she had witnessed the ravages of polio during her youth. In fact, she did bring the memory of those experiences into her final novel _The Diviners_ , in which the parents of Morag Gunn, the main character, die as a result of polio.
During the summer of 1947, Adele Wiseman, who was still an undergraduate at the University of Manitoba, became "guest" columnist at _The Westerner_. Substituting for her friend Roland Penner, she wrote the entertainment column. It is not clear whether she and Peggy knew each other then, since Wiseman's column did not require her to spend time in the newspaper's office. As Wiseman recalls it, their friendship stemmed from a meeting at the Labour Temple, where they had both gone seeking employment as writers.
One of the most frightening and disturbing news events that Peggy Wemyss covered as a reporter for _The Westerner_ took place on September 1, 1947, when a disastrous train wreck occurred fourteen miles east of Winnipeg, causing at least thirty-one deaths. It virtually wiped out six area families who were returning on the Minaki holiday train when it crashed into the No. 4 Transcontinental, standing at Dugald. Because Victorian-era gas lamps had been used to light the thirteen flimsy wooden coaches, fire engulfed the train and compounded the tragedy. Large headlines and photos accompanied Peggy's frontpage article. Here is an excerpt:
Tanks at the Imperial Oil depot went up in flames, and the Dugald grain elevator was demolished by fire.... The coaches were burned until nothing but their twisted skeletons of steel were left. Decapitated bodies and corpses, charred until unidentifiable, were part of the nightmare, as dazed survivors wandered around looking for friends and relatives and hysterical mothers screamed for their children lost in the blaze.
Eight days after that terrible accident, the city's flags flew at half-mast, while thousands of Winnipeggers lined the funeral route and twenty-two hearses passed the legislative buildings en route to the grave site. The experience of covering the fire and the subsequent municipal hearings into the crash probably contributed to the background, whether consciously or not, for the devastating fire that the fictional Morag has to deal with as a reporter for the _"Manawaka Banner"_ in _The Diviners_.
During September 1947, only two signed articles by Peggy Wemyss appeared in _The Westerner_. She was on her honeymoon, having married Jack Laurence on September 13, in Neepawa. On the marriage certificate she gave her occupation as "journalist." The byline "Peggy Laurence," her married name, appears for the first time in _The Westerner_ on October 4, 1947, when she contributed a lengthy account of the public hearings that she attended following the Dugald train wreck. Her analysis raised a series of important questions about the circumstances of the tragedy.
Later that autumn, Peggy had a very different event to report. Approximately three thousand workers had gone on strike in six Manitoba packing plants. She interviewed men who were picketing at Swifts, Burns, and Canada Packers. Her article is particularly interesting, because here, for the first time as a journalist, Laurence slipped away from the journalistic mode and into a style more typical of fiction. Her description of the two strikers, Alf and Bill, was followed by eight paragraphs of alternating dialogue between the two men: "Alf was cleancut, fairhaired, probably in his early twenties. His alert eyes looked as if they knew how to laugh. Now he was in dead earnest, though ...." "That's right." Bill said, shifting his massive frame on the bench beside the gateway. "And they say our demands aren't fair."
The style here differs significantly from her previous articles for the paper. As a result, one may speculate about Peggy's own literary efforts at the time. Had she continued to write short stories after college? Was she struggling with a novel? The answers to such questions, however, remain elusive.
In December 1947, her employment at _The Westerner_ ended. A few months later, she secured a position at the _Winnipeg Citizen_. Her byline appears in its premier issue on March 1, 1948. Years later when interviewed, Margaret Laurence said that she "loved working on the paper; the staff was small; everybody did three jobs." Her college friends, Mary Turnbull and Patricia Jenkins Blondal, also wrote for the _Winnipeg Citizen_. When the Canadian Authors' Association prizes were announced in May of that year, Peggy's ambition to become a writer was reinforced by the news that Manitoba had received more honours than any of the other provinces: Gabrielle Roy, Paul Hiebert, and Dorothy Livesay were among the award recipients. If people from St. Boniface, Pilot Mound, and Winnipeg could reach their literary goals, perhaps, in time, she could too.
The _Winnipeg Citizen_ was an exciting and singular experiment in newspaper publishing. Before its first issue appeared, there had been hours of theoretical and practical discussions, months of fund-raising, and door-to-door soliciting of subscriptions. Many students at United College were involved in these efforts because Professor Harry Ferns, a faculty member, was a key figure in founding the _Winnipeg Citizen_.
The concept of such an innovative morning paper also attracted a number of excellent and experienced newspaper personnel from other parts of Canada who joined the staff of the _Winnipeg Citizen_. __ Laurence said later that her own work for the paper involved writing a radio column, doing book reviews, and covering the labour beat. Her signed articles, however, do not include labour news. In the opinion of several of her contemporaries, Peggy had no understanding of the complexities of the labour scene in Winnipeg. If she did cover the labour scene, it may have been in a secondary role to more seasoned reporters. In any event, both J.C. Woodbury, who was then working as a copy boy at the paper, and Shirley Lev Sharzer, who covered City Hall, remember Peggy as animated and self-confident when she returned to the office from assignments. People there knew that she intended to become a writer.
During Peggy's first few months at the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , she interviewed the lieutenant governor when he visited Winnipeg to view the destruction resulting from the spring flood damage in 1948. Her chief responsibility at the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , however, involved writing a daily radio column, "In the Air." In it she informed readers about upcoming programs and discussed recent radio offerings. This experience of listening to hours of varied radio broadcasts provided a rich apprenticeship for her. Radio in Canada was then a very significant medium of expression and communication, especially in the Prairie provinces, and her column had many readers. The routine of daily deadlines for a morning paper also afforded her an important discipline and many opportunities to reflect on the elements of effective writing.
While she was reviewing radio programs for the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , the CBC series "The World's Great Novels" was broadcast. In her column, Peggy commented on Henry James's _Washington Square_ , Robert Louis Stevenson's _Kidnapped_ , and Flaubert's _Madame Bovary_ , among others. Radio also presented adaptations of Shakespeare's plays and classics such as _Antigone, The Arabian Nights_ , and _Murder in the Cathedral_. In addition, it featured contemporary dramas, for example, _Queer Heart_ by Manitoba writer Laura Goodman Salverson, which told of the province's Icelandic community in pioneer days. In her column, Peggy also referred to other Canadian writers such as Lister Sinclair, Len Peterson, and Joseph Schull — each of whom wrote adaptations for radio as well as original scripts.
Although at least eight radio stations could be heard in Winnipeg, Peggy rarely mentioned the American stations (NBC and CBS). She preferred to review programs from Canadian stations, including CKSB, St. Boniface, Manitoba, which sponsored French broadcasts, and the provincial station CKY which also carried programs from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation .
Her column included remarks about widely diverse radio programs such as: "The Farm Roundup," "Sports Digest," "Movie News," "20 Questions," "Music of Ukraine," "Cuckoo Clock House" (a children's program), and "Saturday Night Party." She also wrote at length about specific broadcasts that she had heard, for example, "The Dybbuk," a Jewish folktale; Bach's _St. Matthew Passion;_ and Shakespeare's _Richard II_. Radio gave her the opportunity to listen to broadcasts and to discussions of literary works by authors such as Dorothy Sayers, Jane Austen, Alexander Dumas, John Donne, and T.S. Eliot. Listening to and writing about some these works was an excellent way for Peggy, an aspiring author herself, to ponder important elements of good literature.
While working for _The Westerner_ and later the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , Peggy also contributed at least a dozen book reviews. Her tone in these reviews is confident, emphatic, and more assertive than in reviews done in her later years when she was more sympathetic and less caustic toward authors. Although as a young journalist Peggy applauded good Canadian writing, she did not hesitate to criticize work that she felt was stylistically ineffective or superficially Canadian. She even found fault with writers such as W.O. Mitchell and Martha Ostenso.
Peggy's review of Mitchell's novel _Who Has Seen the Wind_ appeared in _The Westerner_. Although his novel was to become a Canadian classic, Peggy found much to critique in it: "After the round of applause being given to _Who Has Seen the Wind_ has died down, it may possibly be found that the book does not, after all, entirely capture the spirit of the west." She notes, "Those of us who have lived all our lives on the prairies and among its people, may perhaps doubt the validity of presenting so many characters as merely 'quaint.' Western Canada has its oddities, but they are not specifically those of Dogpatch."
Although she praised the characters of Ben, the district ne'er-do-well, and his young son, she believed that "philosophically the novel is slim":
The total effect is one of vagueness of thought plus an attempt to portray the prairies and their people as charming and odd. The beauty of the prairie is here, but not its awe, its bleakness, its vast, terrifying presence. The amusing qualities of people, and some of their pettiness, is here, but not the depths of their feeling. Gabrielle Roy, in _The Tin Flute_ , and, in novels of the west, Sinclair Ross in As _For Me and My House_ , have both done more to write Canadian novels that intensely portray people and their environment.
Despite the fact that she had praised an earlier novel by Martha Ostenso, Peggy here declared sharply that the tone of Ostenso's recent book, _Milk Route_ , was "just about as vigorous as the uninspired clip-clop of the milk-wagon horse on the route which she describes." Her review concluded: "The tales of _Milk Route_ are obviously calculated to inspire a little smile, a little tear. In this reviewer they inspired more than a little annoyance." At times, Peggy may have intended to be ironic, but her comments seem harsh and flippant. In reviewing _Everybody Slept Here_ , for example, she stated, "Rarely can one get such a complete résumé of the plot from the book's cover." And referring to a book about the Canadian Pacific Railway, she declared that the most dramatic element was its title: _When the Steel Went Through: A C.P.R. Saga by an Engineer_. Peggy's penchant for the caustic remark or witty phrase was tempered somewhat after she was contacted by an author whose book she had found unsatisfactory. Laurence later recalled that, following their conversation, she felt bad and was more inclined to look on book reviewing as "a great responsibility."
Radio also provided an opportunity for her to celebrate many aspects of Canadian life and culture, including drama, art, music, and literature. She was particularly impressed with two movements from Alexander Brott's suite "From Sea to Sea," a musical portrait of British Columbia and the Prairie provinces. Because she believed that Canadian music had been "badly neglected" by the public, largely because it had not been accessible to them, she suggested that the CBC continue symphonic broadcasts which featured the work of young musicians. She also emphasized the fact that contemporary symphonic music would reach a wider audience only through radio. In other articles she recommended "Music of the Ukraine," and referred to the "richly varied" composite of Canadian culture. She also praised Winnipeg's CKSB, a French-language station, for its classical musical offerings and commended its director on several occasions. In April, she remarked that she had enjoyed a recent tour of their St. Boniface broadcasting station. She applauded CKSB's program, "Let's Learn French," which then had two thousand active English participants who received scripts for every broadcast. And she lamented a network's decision to discontinue Lister Sinclair's Friday-night radio talks. Her comments about that situation reveal a good deal about her own literary standards at that time.
We shall miss Sinclair's biting, pithy wit in "Mainly About Music." Perhaps we liked Sinclair because he agreed with our own ideas about _Canadian art_ , (e.g., that a novel doesn't have to be crammed full of beavers and maple leaves to be Canadian). Although one might accuse Sinclair of a degree of intellectual snobbery, he never failed to criticize the cheap and tawdry and never used his wit to harm the genuine. For our money he is a good critic, and we'd like to see him back on the air, surveying Canadian books.
In longer reviews Peggy addressed issues that would later become central to her Manawaka novels, namely, the realistic evocation of small prairie towns and the creation of authentic characters.
She liked the gentle humour in _The Happy Time_ by French-Canadian writer, Robert Fontaine, and called the radio series based on his book "the very best of Canadian humour." She praised Stephen Leacock's _Sunshine Sketches of a Little Town_ and enjoyed Wayne and Shuster's comedy routines, which she recommended because the writers were less self-conscious than American comedians and were "our boys." The things they talk about are known to Canadians, "not gags which center around happenings in Ohio."
Preparing a radio column six days a week over a period of several months had a significant impact on Laurence's development as a writer. It helped sensitize her already keen ear to the nuances of speech, and her mind to the importance of character and plot. The single most important aspect of her work at the _Winnipeg Citizen_ stemmed from the fact that she was expected to listen attentively to many hours of radio drama. As a result, Laurence came to admire the way in which radio appealed to a listener's imagination, and to believe, for example, that the staging of _Peer Gynt_ could not possibly satisfy in the same way as "radio drama can do by relying on the listener's own mind."
Her enthusiasm for radio drama, however, did not cloud her critical judgement or blind her to some of radio's limitations. As early as her second column for the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , she found fault with a drama by John Drainie, which "fell far beneath the average" and was too much a "patchwork of events." She also criticized several scripts that were broadcast on "Prairie Showcase" and "Winnipeg Drama." Laurence felt that some writers had been attracted to "the myth of the prairies and not its real self." Plays from the Prairie region, she maintained, did not have to be "crammed with Manitoba maples, wheat fields and people who called each other 'pardner.'" She then raised the following questions: "What of the prairie's harshness and bleakness? What of the long snows and the unbearable winds? It seems to me that writers could do worse than admit this is a godforsaken, hard country, and take it from there. Why, despite its harshness, do people find beauty on the prairies? Why do farmers hate it, yet refuse to leave it? If these things were explored, we might have a 'Prairie Showcase' that would really justify its name."
Laurence issued a rallying cry: "It's about time we aimed ourselves up and got rid of the national inferiority complex." She declared that Canada was tops in radio drama and the CBC's "Stage 48" was "head and shoulders above most American productions." She was convinced of the superiority of Canadian radio over American programs, particularly those of the "superficial Hollywood variety," and believed that advertising sponsorship had had a deleterious effect on the style, type, and content of U.S. programs.
She also maintained that Canadian radio drama was far better than most offerings of the British Broadcasting Corporation, including "London Playhouse." At least one of their dramas became a target for her quick pen. She wrote: "Moving with the sprightly pace of a lame elephant, _The Pile of Wood_ was a mystery drama which concerned a young man who was killed and another young man who killed him. Beyond that I failed to penetrate.... _The Pile of Wood_ sounded as if it had been written and produced by people whose mental equipment unhappily resembled its title."
In her columns Laurence consistently applauded contemporary radio writers who were dealing with modern issues. She praised Max Shoub for his series "My City," and Len Peterson, who had done "the best job" of handling problems of the contemporary world. She had frequent and unqualified praise for Joseph Schull's "Shadow of the Tree," which addressed the problems of living in the atomic age. Laurence, then twenty-one, predicted that Schull would become Canada's leading radio dramatist because his technical accomplishment had "matured amazingly."
Although in Neepawa, the well-established Wemyss and Simpson families were certainly middle-class, Peggy's comments about radio reflect a distinct preference for the working class. She had praise for "The Trouble with Yesterday," written by a London cab driver, because the tone was down-to-earth and the harshness of the main character's early life as a Russian Jew in the factories and slums of the cities had been accurately depicted; "the language was simple and direct, the words of a working man who knows whereof he speaks."
In addition to being keenly interested in language appropriate to the character and subject, Peggy was intrigued by the way in which voice in radio drama can denote, through slight changes of tone, the development of personality as well as mood shifts. In the broadcast of _Madame Bovary_ , for example, she thought that listeners could practically see Emma Bovary changing "from a slightly ethereal girl to a self-centered, brittle woman, as the note of greed for excitement became more pronounced." She praised the actress who played Gertrude in a broadcast of _Hamlet_ , remarking that through her voice she had been able to depict "the touch of decadence that surrounded Hamlet's mother, her fullblown and fast-disappearing beauty, and her essential weakness." In another program, she criticized the speech of an Indian woman. "One minute she would say in excellent English 'Are you badly hurt' and the next, 'Me, Indian.'"
When "Fire in the Snow," a drama that dealt with Captain Robert Scott's ill-fated expedition to the South Pole was broadcast, Peggy called attention to the female narrator. Because the woman's voice was so far removed from the icy wasteland of the barren Antarctic, Peggy felt it provided a fine contrast for the harsh suffering voices of the explorers and gave an ominous tone to the whole. She then suggested that producers seriously consider the idea of having a woman narrator: "Until fairly recently, women had no great part in radio. Men were always used as announcers, and still are, to a great extent. However the actresses on Stage 48 and some CBC produced talks have shown that women can speak over the radio without sounding as though they were in a receiving line at a tea."
As a result of listening to so many varied radio broadcasts, Peggy confidently put forth a number of suggestions. She proposed that the ten best contemporary plays be published in an annual anthology and recommended that sets of records be placed in libraries at CBC branches in Canada's chief cities. In addition, she suggested that good radio programs be made available for school children, since radio brought a drama to life in a way that no amount of text reading could do. Her praise for CKRC's free radio school and its drama lab under the direction of Mauri Desourdy and Kay Parking, as well as her comments about their productions, underscore this point.
Laurence's appreciation of excellence in Canadian arts is apparent in her columns. She was impressed by a radio adaptation of E.J. Pratt's national epic, _Brébeuf and his Brethren_ , an evocative narrative poem that deals with the seventeenth-century Jesuit mission to Canada. She noted that Pratt's sharp, realistic descriptions give the poem the sweep of the Canadian wilds. "It is," she declared, "one of the most moving of all Canadian poems."
Laurence thought that the adventures of La Vérendrye or the explorers Radisson and Groseilliers would make good radio drama. After listening to a program about U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, she pointed out that the radio broadcast managed to convey the main features of the Lincoln legend, with his funeral train as focus, and using flash-back as method. Then, referring to Canadian history, she asked, "Why not write a play based on the life of Louis Riel?"
In fact, as a young journalist she made several references to Riel, the controversial Métis leader:
There are few Canadian historical characters with enough color and significance to work into a similar drama. There are few Canadians who gather into themselves the salient features of their times and represent not only their individual story but part of the story of a growing country.
Louis Riel is one of these. Whether you think of him as a madman, a misguided reformer or a sincere man,... the drama of his life is indisputable.
In this 1948 column, her remarks are significant, because Margaret Laurence was to use Riel, as well as other Métis characters and their stories, in her Manawaka novels, most notably in _The Diviners_ (1974). Laurence's understanding of the complexities of Canadian history and her desire to have stories that dealt with that history set down and produced are evident here at the outset of her professional career. This was to remain a major concern, rather than, as some have alleged, an interest that emerged only after her African sojourn in the 1950s.
While Peggy was working as a journalist, she and Jack lived in an upstairs apartment on Burrows Avenue in the home of Anne and Bill Ross in Winnipeg's North End. This was a vibrant and exciting part of the city, with a strong Jewish population as well as many diverse ethnic groups. Laurence says in her memoirs, "North Winnipeg in the 1940s decided a lot of my life." Anne Ross remembers Peggy's excitement over her newspaper work and her joy in her marriage to Jack. Peggy was comfortable talking with Anne Ross, and often stopped by to see Anne's infant son or to chat after work at the _Winnipeg Citizen_.
The Wiseman family lived nearby. One of their daughters, Adele, was to become a lifelong friend of Margaret Laurence, and was then completing her senior year at the University of Manitoba. Peggy had previously lived in the North End for several months with fellow collegian, Mary Turnbull, and out of her experiences there wrote a very lengthy and ambitious poem, "North Main Car" (1948), which captures the variety and vibrancy of this working-class area of the city. It also offers evidence of themes and concerns that were to emerge in her later work, though not in the same garb. The poem's narrator, who is on a streetcar travelling from the North End to downtown Winnipeg, gives memorable descriptions of a variety of passengers, among them a young man who works in a slaughter house, a middle-aged Irish mother, and a Jewish shopkeeper who is going to visit his daughter.
While living on Burrows Avenue, Laurence herself travelled by streetcar from the North End to the _Winnipeg Citizen's_ office on Selkirk Avenue and to assignments in various parts of the city. Living on Burrows Avenue, she also had the good fortune to be brought into the Wiseman family by Adele, whose mother, Chaika, treated Peggy with affection. She felt "bathed in her kindness and concern." Chaika Wiseman and Anne Ross were fond of Peggy, and she appreciated being welcomed into their homes and families. Margaret Laurence was to remain in contact with these older women throughout her life, whether in person, by mail, or by telephone. Although her connection to each was quite distinctive, they were very important to her and she cherished each of them. Anne Ross remembers Peggy's "easy laughter. She was buoyant, full of vigor, and interested in people." Peggy had an inquiring mind and plied Anne and her husband with lots of questions. She wanted to understand everything, and was eager for new experiences. Anne Ross, who was about fifteen years older than Peggy and a nurse, became something of an elder sister to her. Although her husband, Bill, was an active Communist, Anne was not a member of the party.
Across the street, Chaika Wiseman always had a warm, smiling welcome for Peggy. Although Chaika had little formal education, she was fluent in several languages, and worked beside her husband in the small tailor shop in their home. The Wisemans' income was modest, but the family was rich in love, warmth, and open-handed hospitality. For Peggy this was a wonderful shift from the household of Grandfather Simpson, where spontaneity was frowned upon and every member seemed to be "walking on eggshells."
Laurence left the _Winnipeg Citizen_ in the summer of 1948, and then worked for a while as registrar at Winnipeg's YWCA. In her memoirs, she states that she left the paper in protest over the editor's accusation that she was a Communist. She did return to its office, however, on the morning of April 13, 1949, when staff members gathered after the last issue of the paper appeared on the streets of Winnipeg. Serious financial difficulties had plagued the paper for several months, and, as Harry Ferns himself once noted, "falling in love with an idea is one thing, attempting to translate an idea into an instrument of social action is quite another matter." Although Peggy and Jack's political sympathies were to the Left, Peggy was never a member of the Communist Party and always identified herself as a Christian Social Democrat.
In her last signed article for the _Winnipeg Citizen_ , she focused on freedom of speech and celebrated the unique freedom of radio programs such as "Points of View," which aired opposing views on difficult questions. In an earlier column, she had praised the freedom, diversity, and initiative traditionally displayed by speakers in England's Hyde Park and in that last piece for the _Winnipeg Citizen_ (September 1948), she wholeheartedly endorsed responsible freedom of expression:
Our radio writers must be allowed to keep every iota of writing freedom and even to extend and broaden it. I believe that it is the business of all of us to insist upon this. For perhaps, after all, the most important job the CBC has to fulfill is that of holding up a mirror to our difficult times.
Public school history texts relate that Good Queen Bess destroyed all the mirrors in her house when she felt that she was losing her beauty. If the CBC ever reaches the point, as various information sources have been known to do, of allowing only one side of any picture to be shown, we shall have smashed our mirrors, and for reasons similar to those of the queen.
Although the mirror has flaws, the fact that it exists at all is a thing vigorously to be maintained through every apparent crisis.
Laurence elaborated here on a theme that she was to return to throughout her career: the significance of freedom and responsibility, both for individuals and for nations. Not only does she refer to it in these newspaper articles, but also in her book reviews. Thirty-six years later, this theme appeared again in one of Margaret Laurence's last essays "The Greater Evil" (1984). There she quoted F.R. Scott's words, "Freedom is a habit that must be kept alive by use." She then added a characteristic note of her own: "Freedom, however, means responsibility and concern toward others."
Reading Laurence's early newspaper columns helps to illumine a significant period in her literary development. The young Peggy Wemyss, who had moved from a small prairie town to the bustling capital of Manitoba during the tumultuous closing years of the Second World War certainly had her horizons expanded and her literary ambitions fostered while writing for _The Westerner_ and the _Winnipeg Citizen_. The cultural diversity mirrored in the sights, sounds, and pace of life in North Winnipeg, as well as the competing agricultural and labour interests of the city and its outlying areas, all combined to claim her attention as a young journalist. In 1949, following Jack's graduation from the University of Manitoba, they left Winnipeg and set off by ship for England, where they remained for several months before Jack found a position as an engineer with a British government project in distant East Africa, in the British Somaliland Protectorate.
Although Peggy Wemyss/Laurence's involvement in the world of journalism lasted less than two years, it was, nevertheless, of great importance in her personal and professional development. In Peggy's newspaper columns, this young woman, who had the drive to become a professional writer, used the opportunities of journalism to hone her skills. Of course, she had to meet newspaper deadlines, carry out her responsibilities, and fit her remarks to the allotted space, but undoubtedly one of the most important contributions to her development as a writer came as the result of writing a daily radio column. Hours of listening to excellent radio drama constituted an important part of Margaret Laurence's literary apprenticeship. Listening helped to train her ear to the nuances of language, the effectiveness of dialogue, and the subtle rhythms of the spoken word.
### CHAPTER SEVEN
### New Territory
#### LONDON TO AFRICA: 1949-1950
In her mature years, Margaret Laurence was well aware of the advantages and disadvantages of her place of birth. The limitations of her hometown and a host of sad memories made it impossible for her to consider living in Neepawa as an adult. The sudden deaths of her mother and father, her uncle, and her favourite grandmother had created in her deep feelings of insecurity. It was clear to her that, at any moment, the established order of things could change forever, whether from a virulent flu, kidney infection, polio, or pneumonia. For Peggy Wemyss Laurence, a future away from Manitoba and Neepawa would be no more uncertain than the sudden tragic losses that she had already experienced there.
After Margaret Laurence's husband received his engineering degree in 1949, the world seemed to beckon. Peggy shared Jack's idealistic career goals and was grateful that he, too, valued literature. She was eager to set out with him for adventures overseas. In the summer of 1949, although they were "almost penniless," they sailed for England, hoping that from there Jack would find significant work in a developing country. He wanted "a job that plainly needed doing... [and] whose value could not be questioned, a job in which the results of an individual's work could be clearly perceived, as they rarely could in Europe or America."
This would be Peggy's first trip abroad, but for Jack, who had served overseas during the Second World War, England was familiar territory. Peggy was tremendously excited at the prospect of spending time in the land of Chaucer, Milton, and Shakespeare, and the many other English poets whose works she had memorized in high school and college. Now, that "sceptred isle" was to be her home, at least for several months.
The couple found lodgings at Fairfax Mansions on Finchley Road in northwest London. It sounded rather grand in her letters home, but, in fact, their accommodations were rather shabby. No doubt the inconveniences seemed slight to Peggy when measured against the amazing fact that she was actually living in England. Twenty years later, however, she reported that their London "apartment" had been "a bed-sitting room," with a shared bath in the corridor and a nightly bath schedule that resembled a railway timetable. She and Jack wrote a lively letter to family and friends in late November. High spirits are evident in that account of their months in England. On the first page, they pasted humorous cartoons, for which they supplied their own captions. Several pages were written by Jack, who commented at length about the postwar situation in Socialist Britain.
Peggy secured a clerical job at an employment agency nearby, and later wrote reassuringly to Adele Wiseman, who had expressed interest in finding work in England, noting that jobs were available and the cost of living not too high. Jack also urged Adele: "Do, come over. England is a dynamic country... a vital provocative land and as such worth experiencing." Then, using a line from T.S. Eliot, Jack assured her that she would no longer be "measuring out her life with coffee spoons."
Peggy, with a touch of bravado, reported that they had been managing quite well on their combined wages of nine pounds per week. She did not mention the bleaker aspects of life in postwar Britain. Although they had to monitor their budget carefully, she bragged that they were able to cook nourishing meals on a single gas ring, and often had salads and fresh fruit:
We buy three daily papers and one weekly magazine.... We entertain a bit, not lavishly, but we frequently have people in for meals. We do not drink, but we sometimes buy bottles of ale or cider, altho' we can't afford hard liquor. We smoke about 10 cigarettes a day. We are, in fact, living in relative luxury and comfort.
Although their income was limited, Peggy and Jack decided to put a shilling a week into the English football pools. Once they won sixty-four pounds, which was a small fortune to them: "We were absurdly happy about this 'found' money, and have decided to spend it recklessly. Half of it will go towards our holidays, which we fervently hope to spend in France and Italy. The rest is being spent on concerts, theatres, ballet, clothes and books."
With their winnings they were able to see _The Bicycle Thief_ , attend performances of _The Heiress_ and _Black Chiffon_ , and several concerts at the Albert Hall; at one of which Sir Malcolm Sargent conducted the London Philharmonic Orchestra in Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. Peggy remarked on the chorus celebrating the brotherhood of man (based on Schiller's "Ode to Joy") and told Adele, "Beethoven was really a revolutionary, respectable as his music may be today." Peggy's letters are filled with comments about sights, activities, and customs that she found interesting in England. They also reflect her ongoing concern for ordinary workers during Britain's difficult postwar years.
During their first months in London, Peggy and Jack also attended a play about a Jewish working-class family, _The Golden Door_ , and toured the plant of the _Daily Worker_ , a Communist paper. Recalling her summer job at the Neepawa Press, Peggy noticed that the plant had about thirty linotype machines and "a beautiful Goss rotary press." She and Jack were "particularly impressed with the printers themselves, who, altho' they were busy were extremely courteous, and even anxious to explain how the various machines worked." The couple also went to Highgate Cemetery to see the grave of Karl Marx. "Bizarre though that tomb was, covered with red roses placed there by a delegation of Yugoslavians who were just leaving as we approached, we found another part of the cemetery which was yet more bizarre." That was the tomb of the writer Radclyffe Hall. In an area of locked crypts filled with weeds, her coffin lay on a marble slab behind an iron grille. There were fresh flowers and a card from her companion, Una.
Peggy, like many of her generation, had become interested in Marxism during her college years. Later, while working for two Winnipeg newspapers between 1947 and 1949, she had become keenly aware of class and race issues amidst the struggle for jobs and decent housing in the city. The ideals set forth by Marx appealed to Jack and Peggy, as they did to many others who had struggled through the years of the Great Depression. Communism, as it was then understood in North America, seemed to offer hope for a more equitable future and a more just distribution of goods. Although Peggy always considered herself a Christian Socialist and was never a member of the Party, she did have friends who were Communists. At United College, she and other collegians could be found from time to time singing "The Internationale," the international song of both Marxist and non-Marxist socialist parties. According to Helen Warkentin, it is not quite clear whether they did so in jest or in earnest. The same group of undergraduates had been roundly upbraided at United College for attending a lecture by Tim Buck, General Secretary of the Communist Party of Canada.
Peggy's concern for greater social justice and respect for non-Christians was keenly personal. It had been fostered by the atmosphere at United College and augmented by her close friendship with Adele Wiseman's family and others such as Anne and Bill Ross in the Jewish community of Winnipeg's North End. Her abhorrence of anti-Semitism and concern for workers and matters of social justice were to remain strong throughout her life.
Within a few months of arriving in England, Peggy sent off at least two poems to the _Canadian Tribune_ , a Communist paper. One of them, "Let My Voice Live," was published there on January 9, 1950. She remembered that the layout was attractive and had two photographs appropriate to the poem's subject. Peggy signed herself simply as "Meg — A Canadian in England." Narrated by an old woman who is making a plea for peace and the cessation of war, "Let My Voice Live" is a moving poem about old age and war. It opens as follows:
I am a childless woman, old,
And like my frail world, bled to grey.
A dry husk, my seasons' fruitfulness
Dead as those lads whose bones now melt
Like lifeless leaves into that hillside
Hideously mellow with their fallen flesh.
It is not surprising that Peggy was writing poetry at this time. She had studied a great deal of poetry in college and written many poems then, but her choice of an aging narrator is unusual for a twenty-three-year-old, and seems to point forward to the elderly Hagar, the unforgettable central character in _The Stone Angel_ (1964), the first of her Manawaka novels. Although parts of the poem are self-consciously dramatic and overwrought, the theme is a significant expression of Peggy's abiding concern about the ravages of war. She also submitted to the _Canadian Tribune_ a poem that dealt with the revolt of the Italian peasants in the autumn of 1949. She felt it was better than "Let My Voice Live"; however, the poem has not been located and may never have been published.
While Jack and Peggy were living in England, they managed a trip to Paris, where they stayed in the Latin Quarter and visited many famous art museums and historic buildings. In August 1950, Adele Wiseman arrived from Canada and was warmly welcomed by them. Peggy had been able to secure a job for her at the Stepney Jewish Girls' Club in London's East End. Adele and Margaret were delighted to see one another and eager to hear about the progress of their respective manuscripts. Adele was absorbed with the manuscript that was to become her award-winning novel _The Sacrifice_ , but it is not clear what Peggy was then working on. Impressed by Adele's book, which was nearing completion, Peggy sent off this enthusiastic account to the Wiseman family: "We read each other's scripts and told each other that we were going to write the two great novels of the century! In actual fact, however, if she [Adele] gets this novel of hers finished the way she wants it to be, it will be infinitely better than anything I shall ever write. She has got a tremendous amount of talent."
The friendship between these two young women was to endure, becoming a lifelong source of strength and joy as they continued to develop their respective literary talents against the backdrop of their uncertain futures.
Within a few months of the Laurences' arrival in England, Jack had been offered a position with the British Colonial Service as an irrigation engineer in East Africa; it was the sort of work he had been hoping for and, by mid-November, they were busy packing crates and shopping for the voyage to the Horn of Africa. "What do you take to such an out-of-the-way place," Peggy later wrote, "when you have no idea of what life will be like there? Tents or topees, evening dress or bush boots, quinine or codeine, candles or sandals?" Jack purchased an evening suit for the first time in his life, and Peg "got a lovely formal dress, fully washable as there is no dry cleaning in Somaliland." They finally embarked, like Melville's Ishmael, during a "sleet-sodden English December," and went to Rotterdam, where they planned to board the _Tigre_ , a vessel bound for the British Somaliland Protectorate. However, their departure was delayed, because the ship had not yet arrived in port.
Despite their keen disappointment at the delay, Peggy and Jack decided to make the most of their time in Rotterdam. They strolled the cobblestone streets, looked at the old buildings, and examined Delft pottery, which Peggy found "awfully traditional." She much preferred the modern ceramics displayed in the Handicrafts Centre. Writing to Adele in the tone of a sophisticated traveller, Peggy noted that the town's fourteenth-century cathedral was "hideous" and, referring to Ruskin's essays on architecture, remarked that the cathedral had "none of the mounting lines or impression of having grown out of the earth and striving towards heaven" that one finds in French and English Gothic. In Rotterdam the couple was impressed with the ultra-modern buildings that had been erected after the war, and spent hours at the new Museum Boymans [Boijmans], admiring its modern construction of grey marble and white stone. There they studied paintings by Rembrandt, Rubens, and Van Gogh, and admired bronzes by Epstein, Henry Moore, and Zadkine. Peggy was struck by Ossip Zadkine's bronze "Orpheus," which she noted was "very angular and tree-like, with his lyre growing out of his ribs like a branch."
When the _Tigre_ finally docked in Rotterdam, Jack and Peggy discovered they were to be the only passengers on board and would occupy the owner's suite: "an unbelievably spacious three rooms, full of polished brass, green plush and shiny mahogany." It was a marvellous change from their lodgings in Rotterdam and their cramped, cold bed-sit in London. The Norwegian ship's accommodations were like a fantasy come true. The journey was to take over a month, and en route to Africa, Peggy and Jack had a memorable Christmas celebration, thanks to a thoughtful crew. One chap, after discovering that Jack's people were from the Shetland Islands, originally settled by Norsemen, leapt to his feet and proposed a Christmas toast: "To our ancestors and yours — the Vikings!"
By December 27, 1949, the _Tigre_ was off the coast of Portugal and approaching Gibraltar. They had time to observe the sights, talk with the sailors, and read. Jack was finishing _War and Peace_ , while Peggy was engrossed in _The Brothers Karamazov_ , "a joy to read." She told Adele: "I've never read a book that impressed me so much with its sharpness of perception, vividness of dialogue, and way of catching the full complexity of its characters. It really is tremendous."
Peggy and Jack savoured their journey by ship. After rounding Gibraltar and passing into the Mediterranean Sea, the _Tigre_ remained in Genoa for several days. There they climbed the nearby hills and visited the Staglieno cemetery, where Peggy noted the marble angels among the dark cypress trees. Her memory of that sight was to give her, fourteen years later, the paradoxical image that provided the title for her first major success as a novelist, _The Stone Angel_. __
Peggy found the Mediterranean at that time of year awe-inspiring. It was "truly the wine-dark sea of Homer." One passage in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ captures some of her excitement: "High up on the _Tigre_ , whipped by the icy winds, we watched the wild hills of Sicily pass by. At night we saw a far-off red glow in the black sky, Mount Etna in eruption. And sometimes in the darkness we saw a phosphorescence, plankton perhaps, frothing up suddenly in the waves and seeming to run along the surface of the water like sheet lightning.
During the voyage, Peggy worked steadily on a novel and managed to complete three chapters, although she only briefly alludes to that in her extant letters.
As the ship made its way towards Port Said, their anticipation grew. Soon they would be in the Horn of Africa. A more exotic destination could hardly be imagined. Sailing on the Mediterranean in February, far from Neepawa's snow-covered streets, with responsibilities only for herself and her husband, Peggy's sense of excitement was tangible. She was twenty-three; there would be plenty of time for adventure.
#### EAST AFRICA: 1950-1952
At last the _Tigre_ was past the Suez Canal, through the Red Sea, and into the Gulf of Aden, where, in addition to freighters, hundreds of fishing dhows with "their curved prows and triangular sails" dotted the sea. Peg and Jack disembarked at Aden, where their baggage was put on board a "little tramp steamer." Jack, who had spent a number of years in transit during the war, slept well on the straw mattress, while Peggy, who had "an unpleasant suspicion that they were not the only living creatures in the cabin," slept fitfully. Later, on deck, holding onto her broad-brimmed straw hat and with warm salt spray on her arms, she caught sight of "a Somali coolie," perched on the ship's prow. "As the boat rode high, caught in a sudden swell of waves, I saw his face against the sky... a face I could not read at all, a well-shaped brown face that seemed expressionless, as though whatever lay behind his eyes would be kept carefully concealed. I wondered if his was the face of Africa."
The Horn of Africa was still under the colonial rule of three European powers: France, England, and Italy. While France had the smallest section, England and Italy had carved out significant portions of Somaliland, attracted not by Somalia's negligible natural resources, but by its strategic location along the Gulf of Aden, the water route to the East.
At last Jack and Peggy reached the British Somaliland Protectorate and disembarked at Berbera. Arrangements had been made for their arrival, and Jack returned with a Somali lad of eighteen, Mohamed, who was to be their houseboy. The couple's difference of opinion about that situation quickly surfaced. Peg thought it "absurd" to have a servant so soon, and she was distressed by the prospect of being called "memsahib," a word that was familiar to her from the fiction of Rudyard Kipling and Somerset Maugham. To Peggy, memsahib had connotations of the "white man's burden" and paternalism — colonial attitudes she deplored. Jack, with dwindling patience, tried to explain: "This isn't Winnipeg or London. You don't tote your own luggage here. It just isn't done. Maybe we don't agree with the system, but there it is." His practical approach, born of experience in those parts of the world, could be summed up: "You have to learn that if you can't change something, you might as well not worry about it."
From Berbera the couple continued their journey by truck toward the city of Hargeisa, the government centre of the Protectorate. Situated on an ancient caravan route that went from the interior to the port cities, Hargeisa had a population of about forty thousand people.
As the truck lurched over some of "the worst roads in the world," Peggy's brown eyes scanned miles and miles of yellow sand stretching away in the distance. Glistening with mica, the sand slid down into long, ribbed dunes. Occasionally the scene changed near a water-hole or a _tug_ (dry river bed) that was still a bit moist. Then Peggy saw "bright green grass, bulrushes, a tangle of palms and pepper trees, marvelously green and alive." Such places were rare, however, and they drove for hours across a barren, seemingly empty landscape. It was the _Jilal_ season: the hot, arid period of the northeast monsoon. There in the Horn of Africa, the pages of the _National Geographic_ magazines that Peggy had pored over as a child came to life for her. As a youngster she had written simple stories about travel to exotic places and drawn intricate maps of imaginary lands. Now that world of her youthful creation encountered the more complex and subtle realities of her new life in an ancient land.
As the journey continued, they passed nomads' encampments with their _akhals_ , portable dwellings made of woven grass and twigs. Peggy noticed Somali women in long robes helping with the burden-camels. Once in a while, a turbaned man holding a spear could be seen with a small herd of black-headed sheep gathered around him. During most of the long, bumpy truck ride, however, the dusty land seemed devoid of life.
After finally reaching Hargeisa, they moved into temporary quarters, while Jack became acquainted with details at the government office and made plans to assemble men and begin work. His assignment was to construct thirty _ballehs_ (shallow earthen reservoirs) at ten-mile intervals in the southwestern part of the Protectorate. These _ballehs_ , each holding about three million gallons, were intended to hold water from the seasonal rains and thereby ease the drought that afflicted the Somalis' herds of grazing camels, upon which their lives and livelihoods depended. The _ballehs_ were to be situated in the Haud, a high plateau that covered about twenty-five thousand square miles, and lay partly in the Somaliland Protectorate and partly in Ethiopia. During the grazing season that followed the rains, approximately three hundred thousand Somalis moved into the Haud for several months in order to graze their camels and livestock.
Before Jack went off to begin construction of the _ballehs_ , he and Peggy were able to move out of the busy city of Hargeisa and into Sheikh, a small station high in the mountains. They were glad to do so because, as Canadians on contract, they did not feel very comfortable among the set of British colonial officers and their wives. Peggy especially felt out of place in the midst of what to her seemed to be an extension of the British empire. Furthermore, her frank style of stating her opinions was not well received by them.
Although Sheikh was small, it was the educational centre of the Northern region, where the chief government school had been established. It was also one of the few places in the Protectorate that remained reasonably green all year round. There was always "a merciful breeze," and the climate was "absolutely perfect." Peggy described Sheikh as "the best place in Somaliland." Indeed, it seemed quite marvellous after the previous year in their cold London quarters.
Peggy's excitement and curiosity were boundless as she and Jack settled into their timbered bungalow. They were delighted with such comfortable quarters. After three years of living in various apartments, this was their first home! The Sheikh bungalow had a wonderful view of the hills and a good-sized living room, with a big stone fireplace that they used when the evenings were cool.
Peggy quickly set about making curtains of unbleached cotton for the living room and bedroom. She designed block prints of autumn leaves, and embroidered a large green-and-yellow snail ("one of the few things I can draw") on cushions for their wicker chairs. She felt she had become "surprisingly housewifely." Peggy's description of the view from their new home makes clear why she found Sheikh so special, almost enchanted:
Our front door is like a picture frame, and the picture contains the soft line of hills; the red sand of the valley and the blue-green rocks; the green flat-topped trees; a flock of tiny white sheep, grazing a few feet from the house, and tended by a brown-robed Somali woman with a scarlet headscarf. The _yerki_ (little boy) is there too, with his little switch of dried grass, rounding up the stragglers in the flock. I think it is the quiet one notices most about Sheikh. During the whole sunny day, only the odd scrap of birdsong; the strange minor-key chanting of the boys as they work; the early morning clank of water-tins as the Somali woman brings up our three donkey-loads of water each morning; the frantic chirp of the _yerki_ , a little boy so tiny that one can hardly see how he copes with the relatively large cows he drives through the valley; and the occasionally tic-tic-tic of a lizard in the walls of the house. There is a strange air of peace here, almost a Shangri-la atmosphere.
In this letter to Adele Wiseman, Peggy undoubtedly drew upon the diary that she was keeping in Somaliland, but her carefully structured descriptions are different from her rather casual remarks in other letters. The colours of the place and people are precisely presented before the focus shifts and the description of the little _yerki_ leads directly to the sounds she noticed. The passage is evidence of the sort of challenge Peggy had set herself as a writer — to capture in words Somaliland and its people.
In Sheikh, their neighbours were several British and a few Somali teachers who were connected with the government school. Peg remarked that the director of education, Chris Bell, and his wife, Jane, were extremely nice people, "very interested in literature." The others were "passable." Jane Bell, from whom Peggy learned a great deal, taught a class of local Somali girls and instructed them in the care of their homes, children, and health. She was also careful to use materials that would be locally available to the girls after they married. Jane Bell realized that some of these girls might leave their nomadic way of life and became settled in towns or cities. Then, such instruction would be quite important to them.
While Jack Laurence was away in the Haud, Peggy was able to spend much of her time writing and, by the end of the first month in Sheikh, she had completed chapter four of the novel she had been writing on board the _Tigre_. She now had the opportunity for uninterrupted time to write in pleasant surroundings where housekeeping tasks were done by local servants. It was, she realized, a rare privilege; one not shared by her female counterparts back home. With servants and with quiet, Peggy was able to pursue her writing with a single-minded diligence.
The profound peace of Sheikh was almost tangible. One night while Jack was away, Peggy set out at dusk under a dark-blue sky to fetch a dog they had been minding. The dog would not remain with the Laurences, however, preferring his master's place about a mile away. Whenever an opportunity arose, he headed back home. As Peg was returning to the bungalow with the dog, she began to feel anxious:
I won't say I wasn't a bit scared. I kept thinking of wild boars (plentiful here) and camels. Especially the latter, which are ugly tempered and very nasty. But I saw nothing unusual, and suddenly I felt much better — the sky was pitch dark, but the earth was lit by a huge bright moon and thousands of the clearest stars I've ever seen. Everything was silent — only the faint dry rustling of the brown trees, and the sound of my sandals on stone. It was lovely and peaceful and a little sad because it was such a short way away from perfection. The hills could be seen in the starlight, looming blacker than the sky. Then suddenly I heard a tiny voice. The voice, which appeared to be coming out of a bush, chirped brightly, "Good Morning!" It was a pint-sized Somali herd-boy, proudly using his one English phrase.
The vast starlit sky seemed familiar to her prairie eyes. Indeed, there were certain features of this unfamiliar land that did remind Peggy of home: the limitless horizon, the stalwart natives enduring extremes of weather, the ability to "make do" in the face of adversity.
The next month she sent Adele an enthusiastic letter summarizing the highlights of her first trip to several sites where the _ballehs_ were to be constructed: "We camped in our big tent.... It was great fun. We went out shooting, and got several deer for meat, and visited _ballehs_ in the surrounding area, and talked to the local inhabitants." As the days passed, Peg reflected: "It's a wonderful life out here in camp, though, despite any difficulties, and we both enjoy it tremendously. We were so glad to get away from Hargeisa, with all its constant and unvarying drink-parties, its bed-hoppers, and its gossip."
One day, however, Jack returned from surveying in the Haud covered with red dust. He looked weary and grim. Peggy assumed there had been problems with the engineering scheme, but that was not the case. Jack had been overwhelmed by what he had witnessed in the Haud: Somalis were dying of thirst, and all along the road he had passed bodies of burden-camels that had died before they could reach the wells.
His dismal report caused Peggy concern, but in their bungalow, amid the tranquil and beautiful Sheikh hills, it was difficult for her to fully comprehend the significance of Jack's report and the extent of the suffering. In _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ she frankly remarks, "I had not seen them die, and so I did not really know at all." As time passed, however, she was to share his experience of both human and animal suffering during the _Jilal_ season.
Jack was able to obtain permission for Peggy to accompany him regularly on treks into the Haud. There the Somalis, the animals, and the land were reeling under the impact of a terrible drought, which had gone on for the better part of a year. Peggy described the scene: "For miles across the flat plains we could see only the long expanse of dark red sand and a few grey thorn trees, dry to the core, looking frail and brittle in the glare of the sunlight. From time to time in the distance there were great structures that looked like towers." Those structures were termite mounds, which sometimes reached twenty to thirty feet in height. The landscape on all sides was exotic and unfamiliar.
Peggy lived in the work camp in the Haud for weeks at a time and had unique experiences that were not encountered by British wives, who generally remained in the government stations. With Jack, she saw the impact of the _Jilal_ on humans as well as animals. As their Land Rover crossed the desert terrain, they observed small bands of Somali nomads leading their lean, thirst-weakened camels across the waterless plains in a desperate effort to reach the already-overcrowded wells. One day on the Awareh— Hargeisa road, Jack and Peggy noticed an exhausted young woman squatting in the sand, a baby carried across one hip. Nearby were two forlorn burden-camels, laden with "crescent-shaped hut-frames and the bundled mats." Seeing the woman alone in the desert, Peggy wondered: Had her tribe had gone ahead or was this poor woman the last survivor? They stopped the Land Rover and offered water. The woman silently filled a little tin and carefully held it for the child to drink first. Then she drank, rose, and walked on slowly, leading the parched camels. The incident was one that Peggy never forgot. She returned to it again in _A Tree for Poverty_ , in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , and in _Dance on the Earth_.
While Peggy was on trek with Jack, she developed a deep respect for their servants, as well as for his work crew. She also became intrigued by Somali oral literature and developed a keen interest in Somali culture. C.J. Martin, an Englishman then working in the Protectorate, shared his memory of her uniqueness: "Peggy is outstanding in my recollection because of the intensity of her interest in everything around her and her transparent fascination with the Somali scene. Unlike most of her housewifely contemporaries there, she made conscious, deliberate efforts to identify with the Somalis and to discover and learn all she could about them."
Peggy was often intolerant of the British in the colonial service and her impatience with them seems a natural outcome of the situations in which she found herself. Her scathing descriptions of the worst of the sahib and memsahib types may be found in "The Imperialists" chapter of _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , written ten years after leaving Somaliland. By that time, however, she had tempered some of her initial responses, achieving enough distance to analyze the situation. She was able to report, "Yet, I do not feel the same anger now."
During one of their trips, the drought ended abruptly with the arrival of the rains. Jack and Peggy had set out in the Land Rover with their driver to make a quick check on one of the sites. The man lost his way, however, and decided to take a shortcut across the plateau towards their destination. Suddenly the rains began. Within an hour the vehicle was mired in sticky red mud right up to the front axles: "The spring rains came with violence, the sky opening, a black flood of water cloaking the land, the storm winds screaming through the nights, for no rain is as sudden and attacking as the desert rains." During a break in the rain, the driver spoke with passing camel herders, who agreed to send help. After several hours, men arrived and managed to pull the Land Rover out of the mud. No sooner had that been accomplished, however, when the rains began again.
This time the three of them were in imminent danger, as the water roared violently down the dry river beds that served as roads. In the Land Rover they could do nothing against the powerful force of the water. While forked lightning, "a bright, terrifying pink," crashed to earth all around them in the middle of that vast, treeless plain, they said, "We are in the hands of Allah." Fortunately they remained unharmed and were able to continue the journey the next day. Peggy felt safe with Jack at her side even in those alarming conditions. She had complete confidence that his military experiences, maturity, and general expertise would be adequate to any situation.
As the journey continued, they came to a Somali teashop along the caravan route. There, the impoverished owner spread his best embroidered quilt for Peggy to rest on and, in the spirit of hospitality which is a characteristic of many nomadic cultures, he offered them dried dates, bowls of steamed rice, and hot tea. He would not accept any payment.
After the rains fell, the Haud was transformed:
Now the grass grew several feet tall, ruffled by the wind and swaying greenly.... The whole land was laced with flowers. White blossoms like clover were sprinkled through the short grass under the acacias. There were pale yellow flowers the colour of rich cream, and small mauve "wahharowallis," and the scarlet flowers of the aloes spreading out on slender branches like some mythical tree. The air was full of the songs of birds.
Peggy noticed small, light green butterflies gathered around pools of water along the road. Clustered together they looked like a gigantic flower with innumerable fluttering petals.
The Somali nomads, relieved to have survived months of the _Jilal_ , were threatened after the rains by another danger — malaria, the largest child-killer in all Africa. Across the region, hundreds of children as well as adults, struck by malaria, were now suffering and dying. It was difficult for Peggy to see those young children: "Their small limbs burned to the touch, and they shuddered spasmodically with the fever's compulsive chills. Their eyes occasionally flickered open in a kind of bewilderment. And I turned away, unable to meet those eyes."
Out in the Haud, Peggy usually remained in camp with their servant, Mohamed, and a few labourers, while Jack and the crew went off to survey or drill test holes. Jack and his native advisers soon began to realize that the _balleh_ scheme was not well understood by the wandering tribesmen, who deeply resented the European presence in their land. A rumour began that the English had poisoned the water in the _ballehs_. Jack was worried that the tribesmen's fear and resentment might cause a situation in which the whole camp would be in danger, so he suggested that Peggy learn how to use a rifle. She agreed and they walked to the edge of camp. There he loaded the powerful .303 and advised her, "Hold it tight against your shoulder." Trembling, Peggy aimed it off into the empty distance and fired. "Whoom! Stunningly, I found myself sprawled on the ground, the rifle beside me." That brought the effort at armed defence to an end. They decided, instead, to exercise more caution when delegations of tribesmen arrived in camp to inquire about the _ballehs_.
Another day, after watching the _Illaloes_ (the native police) practice spear-throwing, Peg decided to give it a try. She threw a few spears, without much success, but she had learned something: "The chief skill to be mastered was balance." Peggy appears undaunted by going on trek, sleeping in the back of the Bedford truck, facing the barren Haud or the Somali tribesmen. While she may have been shy socially, she was not timid or fearful. One contemporary said that what she most remembered from knowing Peggy then "was her enthusiasm and curiosity about everything. She just seemed to fall into Somali life quite naturally, and was without naiveté or preconceived ideas that might have interfered with her happy acceptance of this quite different life."
From her letters and from comments by others who were in Somalia at the same time, it is clear that Peggy embraced the many new experiences and was remarkably open to the intricacies of a completely new culture. She even took driving lessons from Jack, but the prospects were not good:
I lose all semblance of poise and become like Stephen Leacock in a bank. I have a terrible desire to drop the wheel and take my eyes from the road while I am changing gears, and apply both hands to the gear lever. The day when I can successfully put the car into reverse and drive it out in the required manner without backing into the fence, shines like a beacon in my mind — a far off goal to be aimed at but not really expected. Jack is very patient.
In the evening when she and Jack were on trek, they gathered with his crew under the desert sky, which was open from one side of the horizon to the other, reminding Peggy of the great prairie sky in Manitoba. During that respite from their labours in the harsh desert, the group's tribal differences seemed less pronounced and there was a sense of community and peace as the men chanted age-old poems, accompanied by gestures. Then Peggy may have felt she was at the "still point of the turning world." One night after a fierce storm had passed through, they all remained around the campfire until nearly morning. "Hersi led the singing, chanting the verse of a long narrative poem, while the others joined in the chorus." In the background they heard the rustle of water as the streams poured across the desert, and from time to time the "mournful cry of the night-flying _ghelow_." Peggy remarked, "All this was good, in ways we could not explain, better than anything we had ever known before." A sentence reminiscent of Hemingway.
Although Jack and Peggy wanted to learn Somali, they found the language "awfully difficult as it contains many sounds not made in English at all." At mid-twentieth century, the Somalis, speaking an ancient Cushitic language, still had not adopted an alphabet. In part this was due to a disagreement within the country over whether a Roman or Arabic script should be chosen. The language was indeed tantalizing and, even after years in the Protectorate, only a few Englishmen in the colonial service had achieved fluency. Nevertheless, Peggy was impatient and frustrated by her inability to comprehend Somali. Within a few months, however, a fortunate coincidence made possible a partial resolution to her frustration.
Bogumil Witalis Andrzejewski, born in Poland, and his English wife, Sheila, took up residence in Sheikh. Andrzejewski, who was known as Goosh, had made a hazardous escape from Warsaw during the Second World War and had joined the Allies. After the war, he remained in England. Goosh Andrzejewski was an accomplished poet in his native tongue and a linguist educated at Oxford University. He subsequently taught at the University of London, became a world authority on the Somali language, and was widely respected both for his erudition and for his unassuming demeanour. A friend remarked, "One always came away the richer in mind and spirit from having been in his company." Andrzejewski had come to the Protectorate at the British government's behest to further his study of the Somali language and to develop a grammar and an acceptable plan for implementing orthography — all very challenging tasks.
Living in Sheikh, the two couples visited frequently. Goosh recalled that Peggy "was very anxious to become a writer and was always keen on describing her experiences." He also remembered that she enjoyed listening to Somali songs and had a nostalgic love for the hymns of her childhood. His wife, Sheila, was open-minded, well-read, fun-loving, and an excellent cook. The couples enjoyed many meals together. Sometimes Sheila used an inverted saucepan as an oven and made delicious biscuits. Goosh had a warm sense of humour and both he and his wife were very engaging conversationalists. It was a great relief for Peg and Jack to feel so much at ease with the Andrzejewskis, "with whom we could discuss anything, freely, not worrying what we said." Jack was more adept at simulating the English reserve, which was usually manifest in an extreme caution in speech, but that reserve did not come easily to either of them; now with Goosh and Sheila they could "occasionally shed it."
As Peg continued to accompany Jack on treks, she had many opportunities to observe animated renditions of Somali oral literature. However, aside from comments by her household staff about their traditional poems and tales, Peg had no inkling of how ancient and sophisticated Somali oral literature was until she came in contact with Goosh Andrzejewski. "Even the Director of Education, Chris Bell, was amazed when Goosh told him that the songs he heard the Somalis singing were proper poetry."
As a result of Peggy's conversations with Goosh and her own experiences in the Haud, she began to realize she was living in a veritable "nation of poets," and she subsequently became interested in the challenge of translating some Somali poems and tales into English. As a scholar and linguist, Goosh himself did not wish to rush precipitously into making translations at that point in his career, but he generously assisted Peggy in her efforts. Goosh's presence in the Protectorate made possible developments that Peggy could never have imagined when she first arrived in the country. Now, she badgered him with endless questions about the meanings of words, their cultural contexts, and the intricate features of Somali poetry. He responded with kindness to her interest and shared his notes with her. She wrote enthusiastically to Adele:
What I really want to do is to be able to understand the Somali stories and poems, of which there are a huge number, all unwritten of course, but a vast body of folk literature passed on from generation to generation. Some of these poems are highly complex, and also very symbolic... the Sheikhs, and other "wadaads" (holy men) and notables, are always arguing about the interpretation of a poem — it's just like a college at home in that way! I don't know any of the poems yet, but have had a few odd lines translated for me — one is "in the green Haud there is a tree for poverty to sit under." It sounds just like Eliot, doesn't it?
That casual reference to her college days and the poetry of T.S. Eliot, whose work had often been discussed while she was an undergraduate, may partially explain Peggy's enthusiasm for the Somali world. It was, after all, a unique place, where poetry was essential to life and had a central place in Somali culture. In the barren Haud, where time had a different dimension, lines from _The Wasteland_ may well have echoed in her mind.
Here is no water but only rock
Rock and no water and the sandy road.
As Peggy increased her efforts to learn Somali, Hersi Jama, who was their interpreter on trek, became her language instructor. Despite his diligent efforts, however, Peggy found it was a "hideous task" and concluded that Somali must be "the hardest language in existence." At college, she had studied some French and German, probably without much enthusiasm, but this complex, ancient language was indeed another matter. As one of her contemporaries explained, "Somali is a difficult language for Europeans to tackle and it was especially so in those days when there was no official version of its orthography and even educated Somalis when writing to one another were accustomed to using English, Arabic, Italian, or French." In the absence of orthography there was nothing Hersi Jama could do by way of written instruction. After a few months, Peggy realized she was able to say only "silly things," such as "the country is looking well this morning." The puzzled Somalis, hearing her efforts, concluded that she was still speaking in English! It was very discouraging. Although she did not learn to speak Somali, Peggy did manage to make herself understood in basic situations of daily life and she persisted in trying to understand the language, regardless of whether or not she was able to converse in it.
At first, her approach to translating Somali poetry was a collaborative effort. She worked with Goosh Andrzejewski and Musa Haji Ismail Galaal, his Somali associate, who was a very fine poet. It was a three-way process. Goosh and Musa Galaal provided Peggy with literal translations of Somali poems. Musa knew a great many poems and had an extensive knowledge of the background and styles of Somali poetry. He later studied at the University of London. Although he was fluent in English, Musa needed to discuss the subtler connotations of words with Goosh in both Somali and English. Then Peggy and Goosh would discuss the lines in English, as she explained: "I took notes on the literal meanings, the implications of words, the references to Somali traditions or customs. I would then be able to work on this material later, and attempt to put it into some form approximating a poem, while preserving as much as possible of the meaning and spirit of the original."
Peggy was aware that at this point Goosh and his wife would be able to stay in the Protectorate for only a few months, so she tried to gather the necessary linguistic information in order to continue with her translations after the Andrzejewskis returned to England. Goosh now explains, however, that the number of hours that he and Peggy were able to spend in the process was very limited because he was busy with additional linguistic research. He remarks that Musa made rapid progress in English, and Peggy "learnt more and more about Somali culture and acquired the skill of collaborating with Musa Galaal." More than a decade later, Margaret Laurence and Musa Haji Ismail Galaal would again collaborate, this time in London (1967), where they produced a program, "Somali Poetry," for Professor Dennis Duerden's Transcription Centre there. Musa Galaal chanted the poems in Somali, and Laurence's English translations were read by Robert Serumaga; the narrator was Andrew Salkey. The program closed with the famous _gabay_ by Mohammed Abdulla Hassan, "Blessing to a Friend." Here is Peggy's translation of the opening lines:
Now you depart, and though your way may lead
Through airless forests thick with "hhagar" trees,
Places steeped in heat, stifling and dry,
Where breath comes hard, and no fresh breeze can reach —
Yet may God place a shield of coolest air
Between your body and the assailant sun.
In order to broaden her understanding of Somali culture and history, Peggy embarked on a study of the available literature in English. She also realized that, even if a person did learn the Somali language, a further challenge remained, namely, "discovering how the tribesmen actually looked at things." Without that knowledge of basic concepts, communication would be "impossibly confused." She wanted to understand, for example, the context in which the Somalis made so many references to camels in their poems, and she was intrigued by the ancient tribal system and its significance in Somali life. She had come to realize, too, that the Koran held a central place in their lives, and she embarked on a study of that sacred text in order to better appreciate Somali religious and cultural beliefs and practices. While this was interesting, it was also daunting. For Peggy to undertake translations of Somali literature in the face of so many complex features of the language and culture is evidence of her determination and dedication, as well as her increasing respect for the Somali people. As Marguerite Yourcenar once pointed out, you can't translate poems, you have to create them.
Since many Somali poems, especially the _gabay_ , use a highly specialized, literary vocabulary, Peggy needed assistance. Her efforts alone could never have produced the desired result. In the following passage she provides additional information about her approach to making translations into English: "I have tried all along to be as true as possible to the original, and yet not to be too hidebound and thereby lose the implied meaning in the original. In some of the poems I've added a line, in order to explain something that was implied in the Somali, or perhaps phrased something in six words instead of one, because often a Somali word is very compressed and there is no single counterpart for it in English."
In one poem, for example, the Somalis use a special word which, in addition to meaning place, also means "the grace of God," thereby implying that the place referred to is particularly fortunate or blessed in some way. In Laurence's introduction to _A Tree for Poverty_ , she states, "I have in no sense embroidered the original text or developed the thought of any poem." However, to bring out the second meaning of the word "place," for which there is no English equivalent, she translated the single Somali word into English with six words: "a place of Allah's kindly grace."
In _A Tree for Poverty_ , Laurence reports that her own translations would have been impossible if she had not been given a literal translation of the poems by Goosh Andrzejewski and Musa Galaal. This acknowledgement is appropriate, but it is also a bit misleading, because it does not sufficiently describe the process that she engaged in while trying to shape a translation. Only when her English renditions of these poems are compared with the literal translations that she worked from, can one appreciate the diligence and skill which Laurence brought to the challenge of shaping an English translation that would convey the spirit, beauty, and sophistication of the originals. It was not an easy task.
The following excerpt will serve to illustrate some of the hurdles that she had to overcome. Archived documents show that she was given the following rough translation of lines from a Somali poem: "No one can do anything alone, without help and I am now without anyone by my side, though you, my cousin, should have come to my aid. Sailing ships do not sail in the windless season, just before the 'karan' rains."
Here is Laurence's English rendering in poetic form:
Before the "karan" rains, when the wind is still,
The wide-sailed dhows do not put out to sea
A heavy log cannot be set ablaze
Without the assisting fire of tinder straw:
And no man lives who will not one day need
His brother's help to lighten his distress.
The complex and challenging process of shaping satisfactory translations sharpened Peggy's literary skills. Translation, even for an accomplished writer, can be very difficult. For Peggy, who was still in her apprentice period, the process of translation proved to be a stimulating literary exercise, one that she later referred to as "a labour of love."
In addition to these translated tales and poems, which will be discussed subsequently, Peggy was working on a novel and some short stories. She also kept a diary, which has not been preserved. In it she made extensive notes about her experiences in the Somaliland Protectorate and confided to Adele: "I write about 40 notebook pages every couple of days, and how I'll ever weed it all out when the time comes, I just don't know. There are so many things to describe, especially the Somalis, who are a fascinating people, tremendously complex. From time to time I try to describe one of our chaps in words, and I wonder what makes me think I could ever write a novel."
Later, after she returned to Canada, Laurence worked with that diary and with letters she had sent home to Mum, in order to garner material for _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , which one critic summed up as "a metaphysical travel memoir." The fine photographs in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ were taken by C.J. ("Bob") Martin, who recalls that "Peggy was intensely interested in everything around her. It was clearly a great novelty and adventure for her to come to a little-known African country populated by a remarkable race of people with a highly developed culture based on their limited natural resources, and a remarkable oral literature!" _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ offers a thoughtful and absorbing account of Jack and Peggy's experiences in the British Somaliland Protectorate and gives fuller details about how _A Tree for Poverty_ came to be published.
During April and May 1951, there was no lack of excitement in Jack and Peggy's lives. First, a huge poisonous snake and then a hyena were killed near their camp. One night Peggy awoke in the truck where they were sleeping and thought she saw a figure trying to creep in underneath the mosquito netting. When she shone her torch on it, nothing was there. The next morning, however, they realized that thieves had stolen valuable engineering equipment as well as the typewriter, radio, and Jack's briefcase, which held important papers. Everything was soon recovered, however.
Back in Sheikh a short time later, a more dangerous situation developed. During the night "a man was taken by a lion in the nearby Sheikh Pass." The following night "a boy was taken by a lion in the same hills." At that time of year, Peggy explained, people in the Guban were moving up through the mountains, en route to their traditional inland grazing grounds in the Haud. They took their flocks and camels through the Sheikh Pass at night when it was cooler. Because a lion had killed a man and a boy, rather than animals from the nearby flocks, people believed it was a man-eater. Everyone in the station was nervous. Jack cleaned his rifle and went out to check for tracks, but found none. Then he had to return to his headquarters in Hargeisa. Peggy no longer went out at night to bring back the dog or to gaze at the stars.
During one encampment a nasty accident occurred. Hersi Jama's hand was badly mangled by a machine. There, in the midst of a vast barren plateau, the distressed Somali workers stood talking excitedly, but seemed unable to come to Hersi's aid. Peg managed to remain calm and, with the help of Arabetto, one of their drivers, Hersi's hand was bathed and bandaged. Perhaps Peggy's childhood interest in nursing stood her in good stead. She described the situation to Goosh and Sheila: "I've never seen a bad accident before, and this was really awful — the bones were sticking out the ends of the three middle fingers of the left hand, and the fingers themselves were completely flattened, like a rag doll's. Hersi, of course, had nearly passed out from shock."
Arabetto and Peggy then managed to get Hersi into the Land Rover, and the driver took them into Hargeisa, "Arabetto holding Hersi as gently as a child. I was convinced that the fingers would have to be amputated, but thank heaven, they didn't have to be." Everyone felt very upset about the accident, which was their first, and as a gesture of appreciation to Hersi, Jack Laurence decided to name the new _balleh_ "Balleh Hersi Jama."
During late June and July, a challenging and exhausting aspect of Jack's job commenced. Essential equipment that was needed to continue the _balleh_ construction was due to arrive by ship in Djibouti, a small port city that was the capital of French Somaliland. Jack, Peggy, and several workers set out for Djibouti to oversee the unloading of the equipment. They were accompanied as far as Borama by Goosh, Sheila, and Musa Galaal. After leaving Borama, the Land Rover bumped over the rough desert towards Djibouti and they were shaken "like seeds in a gourd rattle." The heat was so intense that Peggy breathed "raspingly, gulping at the air." Whenever they stopped and got out "the sun was like a hammer blow" upon her head and neck.
They waited in the frightfully hot town of Zeilah, which was virtually deserted, until the freighter finally docked in Djibouti. Peggy wrote to Goosh that Zeilah was "as close to being a genuine hell-hole as one is likely to experience." The whole trip, both going to and returning from Djibouti, was full of hardship and backbreaking labour. A substantially different account, however, has been put forward by one biographer, who described the Laurences in Djibouti as frequenting nightclubs and enjoying a rather jolly time, "no one went to bed before two or three in the morning." In fact, the heat and almost ceaseless labour in Djibouti made their trip exhausting and frustrating. Jack, working with his men to get the shipment unloaded, suffered sunstroke and Peggy became very alarmed. He nearly collapsed "since he had to work all day, every day, on the docks, in the burning sun, trying to get the Cats unloaded and onto the diesel truck that was to take them [to Hargeisa]." To her dismay, the dreadful return journey seemed almost bewitched. First the diesel truck got stuck in the sand, then the steering apparatus broke, and while Jack and his mechanic tried to patch it, a fierce sandstorm blew up. "The wind was howling like a demon, and the sand whipped against us with all the fury of flames." The men had to cast planks in front of the wheels so the truck could move slowly forward on a makeshift road. After they finally reached Hargeisa, a few days later, Jack had to begin at once training his men to operate the equipment. The whole business had taken a month, and Jack, who had all the responsibility as well as the problem of communicating in several languages, was thoroughly exhausted.
At that time of year, the _Kharif_ , the summer monsoon, came up from the southwest and blew until autumn, "filling the days with dust devils and the nights with moaning." Jack and Peggy were looking forward to returning to the peace and quiet of their bungalow in the hills, but Peggy realized that a regular two-day journey to Sheikh would now add more stress to Jack's life. She suggested they apply for a house in Hargeisa, where Jack's office and the transport maintenance yards were located. This they did, thereby ending their days in their "House in the Clouds" in the Sheikh mountains.
Peggy, however, continued to accompany Jack into the Haud, even after they had moved back to Hargeisa, and she described their situation to Goosh and Sheila:
We are getting the reputation of being anti-social, as there are very few people we bother to see when we're in town. No longer do the morning tea-party girls try to rope yours truly into their charmed circle. No longer do the eligible married women make sheep's eyes at Jack. No longer do the cocktail invitations pour in. And just as well, too, in our opinion. We have grown a bit sour on life in Hargeisa.... We're glad to be away from it, and out in the Haud, where we can breathe. We work like the dickens out here, and we often don't even talk very much, but somehow, we're perfectly happy here. I suppose it's because one doesn't have to put on an act.
A British couple who lived in Hargeisa recalled, "Peggy was not one of us"; and another colonial officer stated, "Peggy seemed to think that she could empathize with Somalis in a way that the British Colonial Officer could not. This caused some resentment and increased the self-imposed isolation in which she seemed to glory." This impression of Peggy was probably the result of comments by the officers' wives. Jack, however, seemed to get along well with the colonial staff and enjoyed hunting with some of the men.
Peggy, on the other hand, never really felt comfortable in the social circle of colonial wives in Hargeisa, but she and Jack did come to know and admire several British persons who were in the colonial service there, among whom were Michael Wilson and Bob Martin. Martin was an excellent photographer and head of the Government Information Department, which included radio as well as print. Michael Wilson, was editor of the _Somali News_ Sheet, and the acting public-relations officer for the British government in Hargeisa. His principal job, however, was that of a district commissioner. He had administrative responsibility for the tribal people in the region where Jack was constructing the _ballehs._ Michael Wilson was to remain friends with the Laurences for many years, corresponding with each and later visiting Peggy in England.
When Peggy and Jack went out to the Haud in mid-October 1951, they were accompanied by a large number of workers and a good deal of heavy equipment. Around the camp the men built a large _zareba_ , a thornbush structure that typically enclosed nomads' encampments. Inside the _zareba_ was the Bedford three-ton truck in which Jack and Peggy lived; a big caravan belonging to their Italian mechanic, Gino; a mobile workshop, complete with an electric generator; and many tents for the caterpillar drivers, the native police, the labourers, the cooks, and several important members of the crew.
The workers then constructed a _wob_ , a little brushwood structure, where Peg and Jack took their meals. During the day, while the men laboured on the _ballehs_ , Peg continued writing at an improvised desk inside the wob, which almost seemed magical. "It is always beautifully cool inside the _wob_ , and it is a very attractive little shelter, too. It is made by weaving branches together, and filling in the spaces with clumps of a silver-grey weed, rather like dried herbs. With the sun shining through the clumps of weed that hang down from the roof, it looks just like the silver tinsel one used to put on Christmas trees."
#### SOMALILAND AND LAURENCE'S DEVELOPMENT AS A WRITER
Peggy continued to work at her writing: in the _wob_ or the back of the Bedford truck, at the mountain bungalow at Sheikh, or in the city of Hargeisa. At the age of twenty-four, writing had clearly become her calling and she was very disciplined in addressing that work. By November 1951, she was pleased with the results: four completed stories set in "an East African colony." She was especially pleased because Jack liked these stories and told Adele: "It really is the first time I've ever written anything that he thought was good, as a whole.... There have been odd bits in the novel that he liked, and his criticism was always very helpful, but this time was a bit different." Thinking things over, she had come to the conclusion that the improvement was the result of two factors: "(a) for the first time in my life I really tried to write as I thought my character would think, and not as I thought myself, i.e., both stories are without propaganda entirely; (b) they are both written mainly in conversation. I am beginning to feel that this may be the start of a new way of doing things. I'm unsure of the method, of course, but I do feel it's the most hopeful thing that's happened."
When Peggy reread her stories later, however, she was less content. She felt that her descriptions of people's reactions were not as convincing as the dialogue: "It seems that when I go much beyond conversation, I get pompous and rather unsubtle. I seem to do better sticking to what people actually say, and letting the reactions and feelings and any deeper significance show up between the lines, rather than actually stating it. I don't know if this will lead to anything, but I feel quite hopeful at the moment."
Peggy's ability to reflect on the strengths and weaknesses of her writing and analyze the problem areas were essential stages in her development as a writer. Because she thought that, on the whole, those four stories were "the best things" she had ever written, she sent them off to various publishers. Two months later, however, she dejectedly reported to Adele, "All my stories so far have come back like homing pigeons, blast them" (a reference to the editors). She was further aggravated because the manuscripts were frequently returned with coffee stains, making it necessary to retype the offending pages or, in some instances, the whole story. Regardless of her annoyance, Peggy was determined to circulate her short stories, even though she knew of only a half-dozen places in England and America where they could be submitted. She sent them out again, despite the fact that publishers' replies often took months to reach her in Africa.
On November 5, 1951, Peggy mailed "The Uncertain Flowering" to Whit Burnett, editor of _Story: The Magazine of the Short Story in Book Form_. In her accompanying letter she enclosed an international stamp coupon for "the return of the manuscript, should it be rejected." Her decision to submit her story there was not a random choice. She must have known something of _Story_ 's reputation. By sending her work to _Story_ , Peggy was, in fact, tossing her literary hat into the ring with the finest of the century's short-fiction writers. She was able to do that because, as Whit Burnett once remarked, _Story_ never closed its doors to new authors or was unwilling to deal with unsolicited manuscripts.
Peggy's ambitious move in contacting _Story_ , one of the premier places to publish short fiction, highlights again her desire to produce fiction that could be judged alongside the best being written at that time in English. _Story_ had been launched in Vienna in 1931 by Whit Burnett and his wife, Hallie. It later moved to New York and, for over twenty-five years, _Story_ "introduced more young writers who eventually became famous than any other magazine." It had, for example, published works by Graham Greene, Thomas Mann, Kay Boyle, Luigi Pirandello, William Faulkner, Tennessee Williams, Carson McCullers, and Ignazio Silone. Laurence's choice of _Story_ was to prove ultimately rewarding, but before she learned that "The Uncertain Flowering" had been accepted, a series of postal misadventures occurred. These will be described in a later chapter.
An interesting account of this period in Laurence's life may be found in a five-page typed letter to Goosh and Sheila, who were still in Sheikh. Written while Peggy was out on trek with Jack, single-spaced and on legal-sized paper, it is one of only a few extant letters to them written while she lived in the Somaliland Protectorate. These letters to friends who knew the same places and people are filled with details about Peggy's work on the translations, as well as lively bits of Somaliland chit-chat that never appear in her other letters. It is unfortunate that more letters like those written to the Andrzejewskis do not survive, since the tone and content are quite different from letters to the family in Canada or to Adele in England.
The existence of these letters, replete with spontaneous comments and descriptions, makes one regret the loss of several hundred letters that she wrote to Michael Wilson. It is also unfortunate that the weekly letters from Africa that Peggy sent to her Mum over a period of more than six years were either destroyed or lost.
There does remain, on the other hand, her extensive correspondence with Adele Wiseman, her letters to the Andrzejewskis, and a few extant letters to Jack's parents — correspondence that contains a vivid picture of the couple's adventures in the Horn of Africa. These letters have an immediacy which is different from, yet complementary to, the account of that period related a decade later in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , one of her finest books. In addition to memorable descriptions of Somaliland, the book recounts, with the advantage of hindsight, Peggy's growth in self-awareness and her developing appreciation of a culture that was markedly different from her own.
After Peggy and Jack moved back into the city of Hargeisa, she accepted "a terribly interesting job" in the Secretariat, which was located nearby. There she worked for Philip Shirley, the Chief Secretary to the government of the Protectorate. He was the top administrative officer in the country. Several months later, however, Peggy reluctantly had to give that up that work, as well as her trips into the Haud with Jack; she was pregnant and under doctor's orders to rest, since she "had a tendency to miscarry."
Although they had moved into Hargeisa, Jack had to continue his work with the _ballehs_ in the Haud. Peggy noted, "He is able to get back every weekend but it's rather lonely for both of us, though especially for him." She used the time to get her Somali translations into final shape and, by April 1952, she had completed the manuscript. Her pregnancy, now at five months, was no longer a cause for concern. Peggy was feeling quite well and the doctor permitted her to resume work at the Secretariat, which she enjoyed: "I'm glad to be working again, as it was pretty lonely before, with Jack away all the time. The time goes much more quickly when I'm working." Through conversations with Philip Shirley about Somaliland, Peggy began to realize how little she actually knew of the country, and to consider "how impossible it was to blow in from the sea and size up a land's centuries in a few months." Nevertheless, she showed some of her Somali translations to Philip Shirley, who had been serving in the Protectorate since 1923 and was "deeply attached to the Somalis, spoke their language, and had amassed an extensive knowledge of their culture, traditions and clan politics." He was very favourably impressed and decided that the government should undertake to publish her translations.
Shirley's wife, Mary, was one of the exceptional people living in the Protectorate. During the _Jilal_ , she had been working at a _miskin_ camp (a camp for the destitute) set up by the government in an effort to save people who were dying from thirst and starvation. Peggy understood that desperate situation after her first-hand experiences in the Haud, and she had great respect for Mary Shirley, "who had worked day after day among the nomads dying of thirst and starvation to portion out the careful rations to their clamouring desperation — this took courage. Such courage I knew I did not possess." Later Laurence commented on Mary Shirley's dedication in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_. When Philip Shirley read that book, he wrote as follows to Margaret: "Your tribute to Mary was most warming to me as I know she deserved praise for her act and it needed some determination to live cut off by rains entirely on her own in a camp of desperate people who both needed help but also had to be disciplined to ensure fair shares for the weakest. This I think, with your deep understanding you have appreciated."
Although Peggy had not done such courageous work, her determination to shape the first English translations of Somali literature did require strong resolve of a different order. In addition, her responses to various situations in the Protectorate underscore qualities of her character: her adaptability to a country and climate that most Westerners found uninteresting and difficult; her growing appreciation of the Muslim religion and its role in Somali life; her eagerness to look more deeply into Somali culture and customs. Peggy's experiences in the British Somaliland Protectorate were entirely different from what she had known growing up in Neepawa. Undoubtedly her attitude of openness and acceptance had been fostered during her years at United College, where the ideals of the Social Gospel were, as another collegian remarked, "the very air we breathed," and by her life in Winnipeg's North End. Peggy Laurence's approach to the land and people of Somalia was in sharp contrast to the dismissive attitudes and strong sense of superiority that prevailed among many of the British living in the Protectorate, and which is also reflected in writers such as Elspeth Huxley and Isak Dinesen.
Michael Wilson, recalls the lasting impression that Margaret Laurence made on him. Forty years later, he remarked: "I have yet to have met anyone who was so impartial, and without prejudice and able to analyze situations and people so 'caringly' and with such deep sympathy and understanding." Margaret Laurence's translations of Somali poems and tales in _A Tree for Poverty_ are evidence of her appreciation of their oral culture. Her respect is mirrored in her endeavour to present a sampling of Somali literature in an English translation, so that it would not be "lost," and so that others, hopefully the Somalis themselves, would thereby be encouraged to set down and preserve that unique heritage.
Out of her experiences in the British Somaliland Protectorate during 1950-1952, Margaret Laurence wrote two books: _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ (1964), a travel memoir, and _A Tree for Poverty_ (1954), her translations of Somali poems and tales. When a second edition of _A Tree for Poverty_ was issued in 1970 for the use of Peace Corps volunteers, Laurence acknowledged in the preface that, although translations more scholarly than hers had since been published, she stood by her early endeavour. In 1989, Professor Andrzejewski summed up Peggy's unique contribution: "Her book publicized Somali poetry and showed through the excellence of her translations that it was not just anonymous folklore poetry but was a form of high art."
While Jack and Peggy Laurence were living in the British Somaliland Protectorate, Peggy persevered in developing her writing skills. She produced at least four radio scripts and worked diligently in several literary genres: the novel, short fiction, and translation. Each had its own challenges and rewards. After spending a great deal of time on a novel, she finally abandoned various versions of it. She was disappointed that only one of her stories, "Uncertain Flowering," had been published. Nevertheless, her translations of Somali oral tales and poems met with acclaim in Africa and remain among her enduring works.
#### TRANSLATIONS
When Peggy undertook her translations, she faced overwhelming difficulties. She put a substantial amount of time and energy into trying to understand the context of the Somali poems and stories in order to render them into literary and reasonably accurate English. When the translations were completed, Laurence chose as her title a phrase from a Somali _gabay_ , "a tree for poverty." Although that phrase is baffling to Westerners, Peggy found it appropriate to the subject. In Somalia, poetry and folk-tales are always available; they cost "nothing" and are "as free to the impoverished nomad as to the Sultan." The title of her book suggests that the whole of Somali literature is meant to function as "a tree for poverty to shelter under."
The book is divided into three sections: Laurence's lengthy critical introduction, her translations of poems and tales, and extensive notes about Somali vocabulary and customs. Although _A Tree for Poverty_ is not long, it constitutes a considerable body of work. It includes ten Somali tales in translation, as well as paraphrases of another twenty-six tales that are either Somali or Arabic in origin. In addition, she offers her translations of thirty Somali poems and provides information about approximately ten different types of Somali poetry.
#### _Somali Poetry_
Although there are many types of Somali poetry, Peggy focuses on the _belwo_ and the _gabay_. The _belwo_ , generally two to four lines in length, is a genre of love poetry. It became popular in the mid-twentieth century and was frequently sung to the accompaniment of tambourine and flute. The following examples from two different poems on the same page indicate the success with which Peggy accomplished two of the essential requirements of the _belwo:_ the single image and a strong alliterative pattern.
Woman lovely as lightening at dawn
Speak to me even once. ( _Tree_ , 48)
I long for you, as one
Whose dhow in summer winds
Is blown adrift and lost,
Longs for land, and finds —
Again the compass tells —
A grey and empty sea. ( _Tree_ , 48)
Among Somalis, the _belwo_ is considered acceptable for younger poets, but the most highly regarded and the most difficult to compose is the _gabay_ , a long, intricate narrative poem, which follows complex rules of composition. The style is formal and strict rules govern its composition. In addition, a special literary language must be mastered by a poet before he can even consider composing a _gabay;_ and since there is no formal instruction, the process of "learning by doing" usually takes years, even when a poet has considerable natural talent.
The _gabay_ is highly alliterative and contains many allusions to Islamic theology, Somali genealogy, history, and legend. It may serve, Laurence explained, as a vehicle of political persuasion, personal invective, admonition, or philosophical speculation. "Through the _gabay_ a man can express what is closest to his heart and mind — his grief, his rage, his faith, his love, his resolution."
In _A Tree for Poverty_ Laurence did not include an entire _gabay_. Westerners would have found the form and content unfamiliar and lacking in interest. Although Peggy sent Malcolm Ross an excerpt for _Queen's Quarterly_ , he did not publish it. However, her translation of an entire _gabay_ , "To a Faithless Friend" by Salaan Arrabey, did appear in the _Somaliland Journal_. In shaping that translation, Peggy once again set herself a significant challenge. The poem, which is very long by North American standards, fills six pages with single-spaced verse and is divided into four parts. By placing her translation of this famous _gabay_ in the _Somaliland Journal_ , Peggy was setting it before an audience that could be most severe, for it would be scrutinized by persons who knew both the Somali language and the country. Her translations were well-received by them, however, and the reviews were complimentary, as will be shown.
#### _Tales_
After Goosh and Sheila Andrzejewski returned to England in August 1951, Peggy was able to collect more tales with the assistance of Hersi Jama, their interpreter; Ahmed Nasir, a Somali teacher; and Arabetto, a driver. In the men's spare time, they conveyed the stories to her, partly in Somali, but mainly in English. Their renditions were accompanied by lively gestures and facial expressions. These performances gave Peggy a sense of the manner in which, for centuries, the Somali people had orally passed on their literature, but she did not have any rough translations, such as she had used with the poems. Consequently Laurence's English versions of the tales are more properly called "paraphrases of the stories" she heard, or, as Professor Andrzejewski remarked, they are "tales retold." Nevertheless, because of her diligence in working on the tales, Peggy felt that her translations did remain true to the "tone and spirit of the original."
One of the very interesting Arabic tales that she paraphrased was the story of Ahmed Hatab ("Ahmed the Woodseller"). Describing Ahmed as a Charlie Chaplin figure, Peggy told Goosh: "He is both funny and sad. Laughing at him, we laugh at ourselves, and weeping for him, we weep for all the tragedy we know exists." Ahmed Hatab had a misshapen body and a nagging wife. Each morning he set out to gather and sell firewood. Although his life took many unfortunate turns, somehow Ahmed Hatab also experienced strange and wondrous things and in the end he married the Sultan's daughter. "You laugh at him," said Peggy, "but tenderly, as someone who is one of yourselves." Her translation not only appeared in _A Tree for Poverty_ , but it was one of only two tales that she decided to include in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_.
Ahmed had a special appeal for her because the portrayal of his character was "realized on a very high level." Her translation later brought added pleasure to her when a musical version of "Ahmed the Woodseller" was commissioned by the British Broadcasting Corporation as a cantata for school children in England, with music composed by Gordon Crosse and a libretto by Ian Serraillier. It was shown on BBC-TV twice weekly during the summer term 1965, and the BBC published a booklet illustrated by John Griffiths to accompany that school series.
#### _Critical Reception_
Soon after _A Tree for Poverty_ was published in 1954, the book received generous acclaim from several persons who were knowledgeable in the field of Somali studies. It was favourably reviewed in the first issue of the _Somaliland Journal_ by V.H.W. Dowson, an Englishman with an excellent command of the Somali language. Dowson wrote: "[Mrs. Laurence] is to be heartily congratulated not only for being the first to undertake the publication of so large a collection of translations from the Somali, but also for the felicity of her verse.... [She] has caught well the spirit of the original songs."
Another reviewer in _War Somali Sidihi_ noted: "[Margaret Laurence] has written an introduction full of understanding and sympathy, and in her translation of the poems has shown 'a vision beyond her fellows' in capturing the imagery and imagination of the originals."
The Somalis, too, were impressed by her accomplishment, as Professor Andrzejewski noted, "Somalis speak of her with admiration and affection and regard her as one of their great friends."
Although Peggy realized _A Tree for Poverty_ would not have a wide circulation, she was proud of her achievement and confident that she had done a good job. And she remained deeply committed to that book and to the work of translating Somali tales and poems. Several years later, when she learned that some of her translations had been appropriated by a Danish writer, John Bucholzer, and published as if they were his own, she was enraged at his unauthorized use of her work. Further details about his plagiarism will be discussed in the following chapter.
#### THE NOVEL
Peggy's letters indicate that she was struggling to complete a novel during her first six or seven months in Somaliland. This was the same novel she had been labouring over on board the _Tigre_. By June 1950, eight of eleven projected chapters were completed, but she had become uneasy with its length: "I don't know if I can cut it down properly. It's kind of top-heavy, particularly since half-way through I introduced an entirely new theme (it really did seem to arise quite naturally, so I let it take its course, so to speak)." She had further difficulties with the plot's complexities and told Adele, "The thing doesn't hold together properly." Her summary of the problems with this novel shows there was simply too much to handle:
The girl falls in love with a young Ukrainian boy she's known at college, and fluctuates between (a) unconscious prejudice against his background, expressed at first in a sort of fear of his making love to her, even while she's very attracted to him, and later in a desire for him to leave the small town (and his family) forever, so that he can be disassociated from them in her own mind; (b) a later realization of the prejudice of those who think they have no prejudices, and the consequent violent reaction — against her family, to whom Ukrainians are beyond the pale — and a desire to marry him at once, just because he is Ukrainian. Does that sound crazy? I don't think it is, really, but it's so hard to explain in a few words.
After wrestling with the plot, however, Peggy concluded optimistically, "Maybe I've learned something from it." Although she abandoned that particular novel, her summary provides an interesting window into elements that were to reappear fifteen years later in _A Jest of God_. The book's central character, Rachel, lives in a small prairie town, and has an affair with Nick Kazlik, a Ukrainian. _A Jest of God_ received a Governor General's Award in 1966 and later was adapted as a successful film, _Rachel, Rachel_. __
#### SHORT FICTION
During January 1952, while Peggy was still waiting for news about "Uncertain Flowering," she was struggling with the plot of a short story "about an eastern Jew in Africa." She knew what she wanted to accomplish, but admitted that, when she tried to plan the story out, it got absurdly tangled up. She felt the plot was good and noted that it was based "to some extent on fact, i.e., the character of the man, not the plot itself." That remark points to how she worked to develop a fictional character. Aspects of that person might be drawn from an actual individual, then modified or merged with features of another person, and, as imaginative ingredients were added by Laurence, the person became a new and entirely unique individual, one of her fictional creations.
Peggy had been pleased with a half-dozen stories that she had written while in Somaliland, despite the fact that only one was published. The steady work of trying to "get it right" was to be ultimately rewarded, however, and the time spent labouring over those short stories proved to be a good learning experience for her.
#### SUMMARY
Peggy had lived in the British Somaliland Protectorate for a little less than two years, but the land and its people had a radical and lasting impact on her. Working on Somali literature while in her late twenties marked an important phase in Peggy's literary apprenticeship. It enabled her to concentrate on features of good writing that might not have come to the fore if her work had been strongly autobiographical, as is often the case with a young writer. Trying to translate Somali poems sharpened her attention to wording and rhythm; working on the tales immersed her in the essential elements of good fiction — many of the tales move swiftly with dialogue advancing the action. They often have surprising conclusions in which there are role reversals, the clever outwit the bold, impossible challenges are overcome, and shrewd plans resolve insoluble dilemmas. Some of the longer tales have subplots, high suspense, and a good deal of character development.
After working steadily for months on her translations of Somali oral literature, she finally completed that manuscript. She also had finished a number of chapters of a novel, but subsequently decided to abandon it, having learned a great deal from trial and error with such a lengthy manuscript. In the area of short fiction, she had received a number of rejections, but "Uncertain Flowering" had been accepted and published in _Story_. Referring to "Uncertain Flowering," the scholar William J. Keith has stated that, although it is an apprentice work, for serious students of Canadian literature it marks an important first step in Margaret Laurence's development as a writer of fiction. He also praised her ear for dialogue, calling it "remarkably effective."
In the light of Margaret Laurence's subsequent accomplishments as a writer, the account of her engagement with _Story_ may seem rather inconsequential at first, but knowledge of the background of her first professionally published short story adds to an understanding of her goals as an apprentice writer. It also highlights her determination to persevere with her writing in the face of rejections and the absence of a timely response from _Story_. Her correspondence with friends and publishers makes clear that Peggy felt committed to writing as a vocation. Although she had the necessary solitude and had worked diligently as well as steadily, from a professional point of view, there was very little to show in terms of tangible results. From a personal perspective, however, that sojourn in Somaliland had been in many ways like an extended honeymoon, as she and Jack met the challenges and relished the pleasures of living and working in such a remarkable country during the 1950s.
### CHAPTER EIGHT
### Heart of a Stranger
#### THE GOLD COAST, 1952-1956
When Jack's engineering work was completed in the British Somaliland Protectorate, they planned to take a holiday in England. As events turned out, however, Peggy scarcely had time to reflect on the fact they were leaving Somalia. She was expecting a baby in August and, naturally, was focusing on that and on plans for the immediate future. She and Jack had decided it would be best to be in England for the birth, and Peggy was both excited and apprehensive. Although England was familiar to them, neither she nor Jack had any relatives there. They would have to manage on their own, although her Mum intended to come from Canada and stay with them for a few weeks in London.
As they boarded the plane that would take them from Somaliland to England, Peg could not have dreamt that, more than a decade later she would be flying back, one of a small, exclusive group of Westerners who were invited to return to the country as guests of the government to attend the sixth anniversary celebrations of Somalia's independence. Peggy would never have guessed that her diary entries from Somaliland and her letters home would, in the future, form the basis for her memorable travel memoir _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ (1963), which earned praise from Canadian, British, and American publishers and readers. That was hidden in a future yet to unfold. For the present she and her husband were eager for the birth of their first child and for time to relax and enjoy England again after Jack's demanding work in the Horn of Africa.
Shortly after arriving in London, they settled into a flat and, at the end of August 1952, Peg went into labour. She wanted to have natural childbirth, but when the baby's shoulders became stuck, she agreed to an anesthetic. The infant's collarbone was broken during the forceps delivery, and Peggy wasn't allowed to hold her child for two days. The difficult delivery was not the only problem, however. Peg had not been told promptly about the baby's collarbone, and before she ever held or nursed Jocelyn, the infant had been taken out of the hospital twice (unbeknownst to Peg) to have her collarbone X-rayed.
When Jocelyn was finally brought to her, "[It] was a moment of revelation. I had always wanted to bear a child with the man I loved.... Holding this miracle in my arms, seeing her quiet contented breathing, her latching onto my breast for nourishment, taught me something I had never begun to guess." Two months later, as Peggy and Jack were preparing to depart from London for his new engineering post in West Africa, Jocelyn went into convulsions. They rushed her to the hospital, but no diagnosis was forthcoming and they had to leave her there. Peggy, who was twenty-six, was determined to continue breast-feeding, even while little Jocelyn was in the hospital. "I walked nearly two miles, four times a day, to feed our daughter. Jack was heroic. When I got back to our flat I cried until I had to go to the hospital again. It was dreadful for him. I cried constantly."
In this passage, she stresses that Jack was heroic; things were dreadful for him. But it is not clear whether Jack was upset more by Peggy's constant weeping or by worry over their infant. Clearly, Peggy was distraught over the baby and exhausted from trekking to the hospital four times each day.
The medical staff offered scant information about Jocelyn's condition, however, and when the doctor finally met with Peggy, his comments only fuelled her anxiety. He thought Jocelyn might have contracted spinal meningitis. Years later Laurence told Gabrielle Roy, "They neglected to tell me the disease was not always fatal. In my terrible pain, believing she would die, I remembered Rose-Anna's experience [in _The Tin Flute_ ]."
Jocelyn remained in the Lawn Road Fever Hospital for more than a week. At last, her convulsions ceased and she came out of hospital quite healthy, having gained several pounds. When their son, David, was born in 1955, Peggy finally learned the cause of Jocelyn's illness. She was told that Jocelyn's convulsions occurred because she had received the yellow fever and smallpox inoculations too close together and in the wrong sequence.
During Peg and Jack's last weeks in England before departing for the Gold Coast, they had to deal with exhausting details in the midst of bitterly cold weather. Finally, the little family was ready for the flight to West Africa, where Jack was to be involved with a massive engineering project: the construction of a deep-water harbour that would give the Gold Coast's capital, Accra, a much needed major seaport.
After they arrived in Accra, they were guests for several weeks of Jack's supervisor and his wife, an older couple who had never had children. Jocelyn's vaccinations had made her uncomfortable; she was cranky and cried a lot. Peggy walked the floor with the baby, "hoping she wouldn't disturb the boss and his wife too much, while Jack tried to accustom himself to the new job." At last, they were able to move into their own place five miles outside Accra "on the crest of a hill where you could get a bit of sea breeze." A row of modern bungalows had recently been built there by Jack's firm, Sir William Halcrow and Partners.
Although their new lodgings were modern, spacious, and attractive, with shining hardwood floors, Peggy had to find curtains, china, and "all the accoutrements of a household." She was in a dilemma, because she did not want to leave the baby for a second, but she lacked the "self-confidence to say, 'Somebody else has got to go.' I did what was expected of me, and Jocelyn was cared for by several African servants" while Peggy shopped for furnishings for the bungalow. "I began to realize," she said, "[that] I was going to have to be a memsahib, a concept I hated and despised." Other adjustments also had to be made in their new quarters.
[The bungalow] had no screens in a land replete with bugs. The living room and dining room had louvers, as did the bedrooms.... Either you opened the windows and took the chance of thieves, or you closed the windows and opened the lower-level louvers, inviting in scorpions and snakes. Occasionally we'd leave the dining-room doors open and bats would flit in. I was petrified of bats, and would stand turned to stone, as Jack, understandably annoyed, yelled, "How the hell do you expect me to get this damn bat out unless you help me?"
Despite the adjustments required by such situations, Jack and Peg realized they liked the Gold Coast (which became Ghana in 1957). The hot climate seemed to suit them and they bought a secondhand car so they could get about more easily. Peggy was ready to try driving once again. She sat behind the wheel and tried to accustom herself to handling the car. She was not very adept, however, and reported to Adele, "Every time I back the car out of the garage, I seem to knock over our lovely tall bougainvillea bush — I've never broken it yet, but it's taken an awful beating."
At the end of November, their baggage (including Peg's typewriter), which was coming by sea, finally arrived. She was relieved to have it with her once again, and hoped get back to writing as quickly as possible. Soon after furnishing their bungalow, however, Peggy learned that they might have to move again — this time to Tema, a small fishing village near the construction site. Peg told Adele she'd be sorry to leave the house in Accra, but she expected to enjoy Tema, a lovely spot, right on the sea with many palm trees surrounding it. She realized, however, that she would miss the "nice young neighbors on either side," with one of whom she shared babysitting arrangements. Whatever a future move might require, Peggy and Jack intended to become acquainted with and enjoy the capital, a large, bustling city, where thirteen daily newspapers were published in English, in addition to several vernacular papers.
Accra had a "fascinating" marketplace. "The streets buzzed and clanged with voices and bicycles, and the air was heavy with the rich cloying smell of plantains being fried in palm oil, as the trader women beside their roadside stalls blew and stirred at the red coals of their charcoal pots." On the streets of the capital, Peggy heard not one language as in Somaliland, but all of the Gold Coast's five main languages. It was a city where the drive and pace of change and growth were insistently present, and many new buildings were under construction.
The Gold Coast was in a great state of excitement under the leadership of Prime Minister Kwame Nkrumah, and everyone was talking about the prospect of independence and self-government. Many people believed the transition would be peaceful, gradual, and effective. But competing political parties flourished and there was a great deal of political unrest.
After the difficult months in their chilly London flat and the anxiety about their baby daughter, it was a delight for Jack and Peggy to be settled in the Gold Coast. She described the lovely view from their porch at Accra:
I can look out across the valley. Just beyond our compound the bush begins... a thick tangle of vines and bushes and where spitting cobras have their dens in the underbrush. The sunlight is piercingly bright, and it makes the green of the bushes and trees so vivid that they hurt the eyes. Across the valley are the hills — long ridges of dark blue with the clouds hanging low over them. Some of the grass in our compound is as tall as a man, and around these giant stalks the white butterflies hover, absurdly pale and fragile. There is an electric power pole standing in the bush outside the compound, and the wild morning glories have twined to the very top of it, their pink blossoms looking out of place against the rough wood of the pole.
Peg, ever observant, noticed that their cook's wife had a little garden covered with a lattice of sticks and leaves to protect it from the sun. "Every morning at dawn she goes from one end of the lattice frame to the other, kneeling and touching her forehead and murmuring something that sounds like an incantation. We do not know why she does this, but we suppose it is an appeal to her gods, whatever they may be, to make the garden fruitful. We do not ask her, because she would not tell us anyway, and would be offended if we forced her to speak of it." The situation that Peg describes here later became the background for her short story, "A Fetish for Love," published in _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_. The details in the story are changed and the European woman, Constance, while she may be partially based on Margaret, is clearly an amalgam of several persons.
In the Gold Coast, much more than in Somaliland, Peggy became aware of the juxtaposition of the "new" Africa, emerging from colonial rule, and the "old" Africa, the traditional Africa. She hoped to meet some educated Africans in the Gold Coast, perhaps faculty connected to the nearby University of Ghana. Through letters from their friends Goosh and Sheila Andrzejewski, now in England, Peggy and Jack were introduced to Professor Lawrence Henry Ofosu-Appiah. He was a distinguished Classics scholar who had completed secondary school at Achimota College in Achimista. He then majored in Classics and Philosophy at Hertford College, Oxford, and did postgraduate studies in Anthropology at Jesus College, Cambridge. Ofosu and Goosh Andrzejewski had been friends since their student days at Oxford.
At first, Peggy found it difficult to appreciate Professor Ofosu-Appiah's comments about the Gold Coast or grasp his complex concerns for the future of his country. In talking with him she often felt uncomfortable as the result of her naïveté and his disillusionment with the political situation in West Africa. As time passed, however, they did became friends; and after he married, the couples visited one another in Tema and in Legon, where Ofosu lived with his wife, Victoria. Their bungalow was covered with purple bougainvillea and surrounded by paw-paw trees and giant clusters of canna lilies, a low wall around the garden gave a feeling of privacy.
Peggy and Ofosu-Appiah remained in contact over the years, and later he and his wife visited her at Elm Cottage in England. On several occasions Margaret Laurence wrote about him, underscoring the important role Professor Ofosu-Appiah had played in her developing sense of the complex situation in the Gold Coast. He is the subject of her article "The Very Best Intentions," which appeared in _Holiday_ (November 1964). There, however, Laurence changed his name, occupation, and other details in order to protect his identity during a time of great political strife in the Gold Coast. She reprinted "The Very Best Intentions" and provided some background information in her collected essays _Heart of a Stranger_ (1976). Thirteen years later in _Dance on the Earth_ , she again mentioned Ofosu-Appiah and the ways in which their friendship helped to provide her with a more nuanced understanding of the situation in West Africa.
While living in the Gold Coast, Peg worked steadily at her writing. It was a bit easier to do since Jocelyn was still an infant. She managed to complete five short stories during the first four months in the Gold Coast, and she worked again on her Somaliland novel. She was satisfied with only twenty-six pages of it, however, and told Adele she was relying very much on Jack's comments for her revisions. His response to her work was valued by Peggy since Jack had an appreciation of literature, and at that time and in that place there was no one else to whom she might turn for comment and advice. In addition to working on the novel, Peggy had also completed several radio scripts about Somaliland and sent them to the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC), but she was worried that their reply would be delayed in reaching her "I suppose," she wrote to Adele, "we'll have left this country before I hear... that's the worst of moving around."
Margaret Laurence's first short story to be accepted by a professional journal was "Uncertain Flowering," set in contemporary British Somaliland. Although she had completed the story while living there and sent it to _Story_ in November 1951, the reply from Whit Burnett, the editor, had been much delayed in transit. Burnett's congratulatory letter of acceptance was sent to Somaliland, but arrived there after Jack's work had ended and the Laurences were back in England. Burnett's letter then went from Somaliland to England and from there it was forwarded to the Gold Coast of Africa. Peggy finally received it on January 20, 1953, a year and a half after Burnett had written it and two years after she had mailed him the manuscript with a note saying "an early reply would be very greatly appreciated."
Although the postal delays meant that Laurence's manuscript had arrived too late for _Story 2_ , Whit Burnett assured her it would appear in _Story 3_. As she read his letter, Peggy became alternately angry and pleased. She was distressed over the months of waiting for a reply from _Story_ , when all that time Burnett's letter was actually in transit to her. What other correspondence, she wondered, might have been delayed or lost in the international mail services? On the other hand, Whit Burnett's letter was a welcome breeze blowing upon the coals of her creative talent. It was full of praise and went far beyond any reply that Peggy might have anticipated. He wrote encouragingly:
We were delighted with the writing quality and the story, "The Uncertain Flowering." You have a fine fictional and character sense, and we wonder if you have a novel we could consider for book publication.
Publication in _Story_ was indeed cause for celebration. "In those days for a young writer to be published in _Story_ ," remarked Norman Mailer, "was enough to give you the beginnings of a real inner certainty that perhaps you were meant to be a writer." Peggy had already abandoned her first novel, but now, in the light of Burnett's interest, she decided to give it another try. She confided frankly to Adele, "It is hard not to seem too eager, isn't it, when in fact one is?"
The subsequent correspondence between Burnett and Laurence contains interesting information about her development as a writer. Laurence told him rather disingenuously that she "had not thought of writing a novel," but had a number of short stories set in Somaliland, and asked if he would be interested in seeing them when they were completed in about a year's time. Whit Burnett informed her that collections of short stories were often hard to place, and told Peggy that she might be well advised to attempt a novel with an East African setting rather than working entirely on short stories. In April 1953, she sent word to Burnett that she had begun writing a novel set in Somaliland. Seven months later, however, she informed him that, although the novel had not worked out as she had hoped, she still intended to send him the first half when it was ready. That seems not to have happened.
At last, "Uncertain Flowering" was published in _Story 4_ (1953). The volume, which ran to more than 240 pages, contained eighteen short stories. "Uncertain Flowering" appeared prominently as the first story in the book. This was indeed an accomplishment for Peggy, her first professional publication. She was further encouraged when _Story 4_ was favourably reviewed in the _New York Times_. Peggy's excitement could be likened to that of Edmund Hillary and Tensing Norgay, who in that same year became the first persons to reach the summit of Mount Everest. Peggy had attained her own summit, one that to her had seemed virtually impossible after all the letters of rejection that she had received.
After a spate of seven letters between Laurence and Burnett, there is only one further letter from Burnett. It was written seven years later. In it he refers to an hiatus in _Story's_ publication and notes that the magazine is now resuming publication. He also asks for news of her novel. It is doubtful, however, that she received Burnett's letter, which is in the _Story_ archives at Princeton. It was dated November 1960 and had been sent to Accra. Peggy had left Accra three years earlier (January 1957) for Canada where she remained for the next six years. Moreover, at the same time Burnett was writing to her for an update, Margaret Laurence's first novel, _This Side Jordan_ , had already been accepted for publication and was being released in Canada, England, and the United States. Her earlier appearance in _Story_ was mentioned on the dust jacket.
In 1959, _Prism_ , a new Canadian journal, published another story by Laurence. The contributor's note, which she had composed, also made reference to the fact that her work had previously appeared in Story. However, she later dropped all mention of _Story_ and cited the _Queen's Quarterly_ as the place of her first publication. This is not only incorrect but, given the stature of _Story_ , it is also puzzling. It is impossible to believe that Margaret Laurence had forgotten about her earlier achievement and recognition.
There may be more than one reason why Laurence thought it best to drop any reference to _Story_ after _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ (1963), despite the fact that "Uncertain Flowering" was indeed her first professional publication. The following explanations seem plausible. As her stories improved, Margaret Laurence, like many other writers, may have eschewed her earlier efforts and decided "Uncertain Flowering" was not worth mentioning, since it was not equal to her best fiction. But a more compelling reason for her later omission of this publication may be due to the fact that several paragraphs from "Uncertain Flowering" were also used in her later travel memoir, _The Prophet's Camel Bell_.
In that book, Laurence describes a morning when she and Jack began to climb Malol, the highest mountain near Sheikh. After clambering through a rocky pass in the afternoon, they came suddenly to a hidden valley: "a green place where the grass was thick and soft, hairlike, and where mauve flowers grew." Before returning to Sheikh, they rested for more than an hour in that seemingly enchanted valley, which she then describes in further detail. Those descriptions had appeared in "Uncertain Flowering" ten years before, although the place is given a fictional name in the short story. It is possible, of course, that in both instances Laurence relied on the contemporary diary that she had kept in Somaliland. Whatever her reasons may have been for neglecting further mention of "Uncertain Flowering," she did retain her copy of _Story 4_ as well a laudatory clipping from the _New York Times_ , in which she is mentioned by name as a writer whose work is "first-rate."
As a Canadian living in the Gold Coast, not only was Peggy isolated from contact with other writers, but she was also far from friends who might have shown interest in her writing and provided occasional encouragement. As a result, her correspondence with Adele Wiseman became a life-line amidst the waves of self-doubt and anxiety that often beset her. One letter to Adele provides a window into Peg's typical situation during the years that she and Jack lived in the Gold Coast: "Tonight you are the only person I feel like writing to, since Jack is at the moment going through Episode #4 of my story, & I am sitting here trying not to chew my nails. Jack is a very good critic, you know.... The first two times he read this episode he tore it to bits (it had then been rewritten about five times already), so I hope he thinks it stands up better this time. I am fed up with it."
Peggy's reliance on Jack's judgement of her work had already been questioned by Adele, who wisely realized that Peg's dependence on Jack's approval could put a strain on their marriage and undermine Peg's assessment of her own writing.
At this juncture, Peggy was having trouble with the novel, because in it she was trying to handle two different narrative points of view:
I am doing the story mainly from the European woman's point of view. In the (necessary) places where the Somali world is the setting, it is mainly seen though the Somali girl's eyes — This combination is risky, obviously, but better I think than my original idea of writing it from the man's [the district commissioner's] point of view. I have not got the necessary scope of talent to write from a man's point of view. Sorry to pour out all this, Adele — it is only because I know how well you know the anxiety that the whole thing may not turn out right.
Peggy was also discouraged because, in the Gold Coast, unlike Somaliland, she could manage only two or three hours a day for writing. At night she was too fatigued to write, and she and Jack retired early. In any case, she felt that working at night was out of the question, since the noise of her typing might awaken Jocelyn or the children in nearby bungalows. By July, however, driven by her need to find time, Peggy was writing by hand at night. She tried to put her situation in an optimistic light, reporting that she hoped writing by hand might force her "to write more slowly and weigh words more carefully."
On the domestic side, she was busy overseeing the regular cleaning of the house and its environs, since she believed that, in the Gold Coast, this was "the only way of avoiding disease." Jocelyn, now six months old, naturally took up a good deal of Peggy's time and her letters are full of comments about her infant daughter. She was delighted with the baby's development and amused by her use of language. At one point Peggy noted, "[Jocelyn] is getting very entertaining now, and Jack is very fond of her, thank goodness." The remark "thank goodness" seems to imply that Peg had been uncertain about how Jack would respond to having a child. Their friend Kay Bolton, who had known Jack during his years at the Roslyn Road community in Winnipeg, remembers that Jack was not eager to have children, perhaps because, as the eldest in his family, he had had responsibilities for his younger siblings. Kay recalls, however, that after her own son was born, Jack, who was completing course work at the University of Manitoba, took an interest in their little boy and seemed to change his mind about having children of his own.
By early June 1953, Peggy's conflicted feelings about the time that was available for writing and the time she wanted to spend with the baby and with her husband began to surface. She had new ideas for a radio series and wanted to incorporate some contemporary African music into the broadcasts, but she realized that might not happen since "there seems to be so much to do, and... so darned little time."
Although her translation of the Somali poems and tales had been completed and was now scheduled for publication under the auspices of the government of the British Somaliland Protectorate, Peggy continued to work on additional translations. Goosh Andrzejewski, who had returned to England, was sending her literal translations of several _gabay_. She remarked that the form was longer, more complex, and very effective in the Somali language, but "terrible to translate with anything [like] the same effect." Goosh's assistance was essential, of course, and Peg also asked his permission to submit her translations of a _gabay_ for possible publication in _Queen's Quarterly_. Although she was now living in West Africa, Peggy continued to work on those challenging Somali translations, both for their own sake and because she realized it would help to keep the Somali mode of thought and expression fresh in her mind while she endeavoured to complete a novel set in Somaliland.
Despite diligent efforts, Peggy felt her writing was going too slowly. After completing a hundred pages of the novel, she had become discouraged by thoughts of Graham Greene's accomplishment in _The Power and the Glory_ , "a terrific novel and only about 250 pages." She told Adele, "I don't know how people manage to compress like that... perhaps it comes only with years of experience. I try very hard to be brief, but find I am always spreading myself to dozens of pages where a couple should suffice."
In the course of the next few weeks, however, Peggy did complete five chapters of the Somaliland novel and tried to improve its organization. "I keep telling myself that one learns with experience, but sometimes I wonder," she reflected.
During July, the rains finally ended and the days became hotter. To relax one evening, Jack and Peg went to a dance at the European Club, but they decided afterwards that they would "never go again." It was only the second time they had been to the club, and they found it dull. The African band played waltzes and fox trots, not jazz and high-life. Peg, who was twenty-seven, remarked, "everyone dances around sedately, looking bored stiff. It must seem odd to the African band." Although the European Club had actually changed its name to the "Accra Club," it remained colonialist. Peggy and Jack preferred the African clubs, where they enjoyed the music and the relaxed ambience much more. Years later Laurence recalled how, as a young woman, she had loved to go dancing: "One of my greatest pleasures when my husband and I lived in Ghana was to dance in one of the African nightclubs in Accra, to West African high-life music with its counterpoint rhythms of the drums. I was pretty good at it, too. When young African men asked me to dance, I was honoured — they didn't ask just anyone."
In September 1953, the CBC finally offered $50 for Peggy's radio scripts. Their offer, however, generated some anxiety, because she had been led to believe that the CBC intended to rewrite her scripts. "Since I would have no knowledge of what they did with it, and no control over it, I have refused," she told Adele. "I hated to refuse the money, quite honestly, but you know what re-written things are like... generally they bear no resemblance to the original." She was further aggravated by the CBC's error in linking the African Sahara with Somaliland in East Africa. The distinction between those two separate and very different geographical regions of the African continent was important to Laurence because she did not want the radio program to give the "wrong impression" of Somaliland. In an animated reply to the CBC, she informed them of Somaliland's location and rejected their offer for the scripts. Peggy later received a letter from the CBC's Elizabeth Long, in which she explained things to Peggy's satisfaction. As a result, she felt sheepish and remorseful about her peremptory response and the "harsh" letter she had sent them. She decided to accept the CBC's offer.
During October 1953, encouraged by Whit Burnett's comments about her writing, Peg worked diligently on her Somaliland novel, then scrapped it, started to write it all over again, and finally put the new effort aside. The novel simply was not working out. It was difficult for her to do any concentrated writing because Jocelyn was now walking and "constantly getting herself into trouble of one kind or another." In addition, the hot season had begun and Peg felt tired "all the time." She was worried about Jack, who was "working far too hard, as usual," and becoming exhausted. "He will really need his leave," she told Adele. It was uncertain at that point whether they would return to the Gold Coast. Their decision would depend on whether Jack could get the appropriate salary for the work he was doing. Peg was concerned about his situation. "I shall feel terrible if anything goes wrong at this point with the prospective job, as Jack has worked so hard this tour and done so well, and he really deserves the new post. It would be third in command on the Tema Harbour Project, a big job, and a big step up in his profession."
As she reflected on the situation, Peggy realized she had "become unexpectedly fond" of the country, and she hoped they would be able to return.
In December 1953, Peggy resumed work on her Somaliland novel. It was being written in two parts, instead of chapters, and within those parts she put related, but separate, episodes. That structure, she felt, was determined internally by the material. The novel took place in two worlds: the Somali and the European. However, she was satisfied with only twenty-five pages, a "very small bit after all the time I've spent on it. A year now." That same month, a letter from Peg's former professor, Malcolm Ross (then at Queen's University in Canada and editor of _Queen's Quarterly_ ) brought a welcome invitation. Professor Ross suggested that Peggy forward translations of some of her Somali poems and tales for possible publication in the journal. Ross's initial interest was chiefly due to Adele Wiseman's enthusiasm for _A Tree for Poverty_ , which she had reviewed in _Queen's Quarterly_. It is doubtful, however, that anyone in North America paid much attention, since Laurence was unknown at the time and her book, on such an obscure topic, was difficult to obtain. Reviews in African journals, however, were consistently favourable.
Adele Wiseman had remained in contact with Professor Ross after her graduation and recently had given him Peggy's address. Peggy, in addition to sending Ross an excerpt from a new _gabay_ , also forwarded a short story, "Amiina," about a Somali girl. It was, she told him, the first of the Somali stories that she had written in 1952. Although that story has not been traced, its title comes from a _belwo_ , a Somali love poem that Peggy had translated and sent to Adele two years before. Professor Ross rejected both the _gabay_ and the short story. Peggy thought his decision was based on a misunderstanding and replied with a long, feisty letter defending "Amiina." Although she conceded that the story should have had more background, she assured Malcolm Ross that "the Englishman wasn't pathetic," and "the native girl was certainly not vicious." The paradox in that story, she explained to Adele, is that the European accepts the African girl as "good" by his British standards, but later in disillusionment he turns from love to hatred. "I suppose it was silly to explain it [to Ross]... but I did so because I hated to think he had the idea that I'd got to the point where I'd write simple little tales about pathetic Englishmen and vicious native girls." Undaunted by Professor Ross's unwillingness to publish that story, Peggy remained eager to have her fiction appear in print and quickly sent off another story for his consideration.
Peggy Wemyss
Former CNR railway station, Neepawa. Now the Beautiful Plains Museum.
Bronze War Memorial and County Courthouse, Neepawa
Winter Fun BACK ROW, left to right: Alice Dahlquist, Louise Alguire, Margie Crawford FRONT ROW, left to right: Peggy Wemyss, Shirley Dunn, Mona Spratt
Friends, Neepawa Collegiate Institute BACK ROW, left to right: Jim Simmons, Earl Whiteman, Jack Tyler, Charlie Joyce FRONT ROW, left to right: Peggy Wemyss, Bob Ferris, Mildred Ishenberg
Wesley Hall, United College. Stone building to the left is Sparling Hall Residence.
Sparling Hall Residence, United College
Left to right: Peggy Wemyss and roommate Helen Warkentin
United College, Winnipeg
Left to right: Helen Warkentin and Peggy Wemyss
Jack Laurence, c.1945
Signing the wedding register, Jack Laurence and Peggy Wemyss, 13 September 1947
B.W. (Goosh) Andrzejewski and boy on the beach at Mogadishu, British Somaliland Protectorate, c. 1952
Professor L.H. Ofosu-Appiah and his wife, Victoria, with their daughters, 1960
Peggy and Jack, the Gold Coast, c. 1954
Margaret, David, and Jack, Vancouver, c. 1960
Adele Wiseman on board the _Demostenes D_ , 1961
Cemetery, Neepawa
Although in her memoirs, Peggy described her life at this point as "rather uneventful," her contemporary letters convey a very different impression. It is possible, of course, that after living for a year in the Gold Coast, she had become accustomed to life there, and by using the word "uneventful," she may simply have meant "routine." Things were far from routine, however, on the political front. During 1953 there was turmoil in the Gold Coast and considerable unrest in anticipation of the elections that were to be held in 1954. On the domestic scene, too, there had been a good deal of excitement and several crises to worry about. Two spitting cobras had been sighted in the yard in June and Peggy was terrified.
Adding to her other worries was the fact that thieves entered the bungalow one evening through a window in the baby's room. Ordinarily theft of that sort did not involve any personal harm to the occupants. Fortunately Jack and Peggy awakened and the thieves fled. But Peg noticed that an enormous crowbar had been dropped outside and wondered, "What would have happened, if the baby had awakened?"
In October, a servant killed a large scorpion in their living room and a few weeks later, the three-year-old boy next door died in a matter of hours from cerebral malaria. His funeral was "somehow even more sad here than it would have been at home. The hearse was a government Land-Rover, and the tiny coffin jolted around in it. The flowers picked that morning, were all dead." Peg then became even more vigilant with Jocelyn, especially when the child played with toys in the baby tub. If Jocelyn somehow had managed to drink water from the little plastic scoop, there would have been real danger of typhoid.
Tropical diseases posed a terrifying threat. Cholera, typhoid, tuberculosis, anthrax, yellow fever, trachoma, polio, guinea worm, and schistosomiasis were common diseases in that part of Africa. Peggy herself came down with her first bout of malaria just before Christmas; fortunately it was a mild case, and she recovered quickly.
When Peggy wrote to Adele soon after New Year's Day 1954, there was much to relate. She described their Christmas celebrations, Jocelyn's growth, and her own delight in Jocelyn's use of language and her funny sayings. She summed up her young daughter's personality as "very outgoing & gay... yet sometimes she can be very serious and thoughtful." One evening Jocelyn fell and cut her head; it bled so much that Peg and Jack were "nearly frantic." The doctor discovered, however, that the cut was actually quite small, and they then felt "silly about the fuss they had caused." A few weeks earlier, Jocelyn had broken her thumb, and Peg, as a result, spent some days in a rather distracted state. Domestic concerns about her daughter's "adventures," her eating preferences, and use of new words continue to pop up regularly in Peggy's letters home. Adele, meanwhile, had made good progress on her novel, and Peg rejoiced in that news. Although Peggy thought that the progress of her own novel had been "slow and uncertain," she also felt encouraged that the current version seemed "closer to the mark." She was looking forward to reading Adele's manuscript when she and Jack were in London on leave later that year.
For several weeks in 1954, Peggy had been doing secretarial work for the well-known British economist Barbara Ward, who, with her husband, Commander Robert G.A. Jackson (later Sir Robert Jackson), was also living in Accra. Commander Jackson was head of the Volta River Preparatory Commission, which had been set up to make a detailed study into building a massive dam and hydro-electric power station on the river. His wife had been trying for a number of months to complete the book that subsequently became _Faith and Freedom_. However, she found the climate of the Gold Coast very difficult to deal with and had fallen behind in completing the manuscript. Faced with engagements for lectures overseas and a publisher's deadline, Barbara Ward was distressed, and sought the assistance of a good typist. She turned to Peggy who agreed to work for her. In looking back on that, Jack Laurence remarked: "We weren't short of money; perhaps Peggy just wanted something to do. Or else she wanted to practise typing. I honestly cannot think why she did it." Peggy, on the other hand, may have welcomed the opportunity to engage in stimulating conversation with a woman writer who had been educated at the Sorbonne and Oxford and who had joined the staff of the British _Economist_ while still in her twenties. Peggy also may have been pleased with the opportunity to earn some extra money rather than request it from Jack.
In the process of typing the draft, Peg realized that she respected many of Barbara Ward's analyses. The opening sentence of _Faith and Freedom_ would have resonated with her: "Surely no previous age has known the sense of foreboding that hangs over the modern world." Barbara Ward then proposed an analysis of freedom, and made the point: "We cannot learn from history unless we are free to learn. We cannot profit by the lesson unless we are free to act." In many ways Margaret Laurence's own writing may also be construed as an examination of the question of freedom through the prism of fiction. But freedom was not only on the page. At that time it was also in the air. In the Gold Coast the rallying cry of the Convention People's Party (CPP) was heard over and over again in the streets and on the radio: "Free-dom, free-dom." The sound of people chanting that slogan echoes later in Laurence's "A Gourdful of Glory," one of her most successful and moving short stories.
Although the Laurences were not in the same social circle as Commander Jackson and his wife, they did have dinner in their home on at least one occasion, according to Jack. On another evening in February, after Jack and Peggy returned from a cocktail party, Jack took his bicarbonate of soda and retired for the night, while Peggy took a cup of coffee and a biscuit into the bathroom, because it was fully screened and neither bats nor mosquitoes could disturb her while she wrote to Adele. Peg described their boring evening and reported: "[Jack] never gets drunk in the slightest, so he has all the ill effects of alcohol with none of the good ones. Neither of us can drink much in this climate — I have virtually given up altogether — I'm not made sick, just dopey the next day."
Peg informed Adele that the novel was moving along steadily, although progress was "painfully slow." Peg thought she was losing sight of the book as a whole because she was focused on small sections, but she described the problem to Adele in humorous rather than frantic tones: "Who dares to disparage the tortoise in my presence? I do feel I am writing much too slowly & tend to become very despondent when I realize how much more there is to work out & set down. I hit the alltime low recently when I spent 2 weeks on 1 paragraph — that is just neurotic, say what you like!"
Since Adele was nearing completion of _The Sacrifice_ , Peg passed along a few suggestions from Jack's mother, who was also finishing a novel. Elsie Laurence had cautioned Peg that the sense of discouragement as one nears the end is often due to fatigue and impatience. "Don't rush to finish the work," Elsie had advised.
By March, Adele's novel was almost completed and she was feeling rather empty. Although Peggy had yet to experience that feeling, which frequently accompanies the completion of a novel, she tried to cheer Adele with these comments: "I suppose having a novel is similar to having a baby — when you're carrying it you think everything is going to be wonderful as soon as it's born, only to find that you enter then a new phase of existence that carries with it its own special problems. I do feel, however, that you should talk yourself into a certain feeling of achievement — after all, you _have_ achieved a great deal."
The two women would continue to encourage and support one another both personally and professionally through their ongoing correspondence, especially while living abroad.
The March weather in the Gold Coast became "horribly hot," and Peg and Jack were looking forward to going on leave to Canada with a stopover in London. Although Peggy's scripts had been accepted for broadcast by the CBC, she was now assailed with doubts about their quality. In one letter to Adele she apologized for lengthy remarks about her own writing and explained: "Now I've done nothing except talk about writing. You know, except for Jack—who is always a very helpful critic — I never talk to anyone about writing — in fact, most people here don't know how I spend all my time, and probably think I'm lazy as hell. It's such a relief to be able to write you about it — I expect you sometimes feel, too, that it's odd that such an important area of one's life is shared with so few people, in fact, hardly any."
From the time that Peggy had ceased working as a journalist in Winnipeg and moved overseas with Jack, only a few people seem to have been aware of her intention to become a writer. It is not clear why that was so. For a woman to keep silent about her writing, especially while unpublished, was not unusual then, but one wonders. Had Peggy not yet met her goals? Did she feel that identifying herself as a writer would evoke too many unwanted comments and questions? Did she feel a bit guilty about being a writer and wish to be seen only as the wife of Jack Laurence and, later, as the mother of Jocelyn and David? Perhaps the answer is a combination of these factors.
Although Peggy's desire to be a writer was not common knowledge, even among some of their close friends, she continued to apply herself to learning the craft. That ambition came to dominate her life. Without writing, life for her simply would not be possible. Trying to write well took on an urgency and became a necessary way of "being in the world." However, it was only many years later, after the publication of her first novel, that Margaret Laurence publicly embraced for herself the word "writer" — with all that it implied.
In May 1954, Jack and Peggy decided to spend their leave in Canada. Bringing Jocelyn, then a year and a half old, with them, they went by train from Montreal to Vancouver and then by ferry to Victoria, where Peg's Mum had moved to join Aunt Ruby after Grandfather Simpson's death. Jack's parents also lived in Victoria and they were able to spend time with them as well. Jack and Peg remained in Canada for over a month and she remembered it as "a wonderful leave. Jocelyn was talking non-stop, totally captivating her two grandmothers." They had waited to have her christened in Victoria for the sake of the grandparents, and Peggy's brother Bob, who was working nearby, and was to be Jocelyn's godfather.
One of the highlights of that trip was a stopover in Winnipeg, where they were warmly welcomed by the Wiseman family. Over the years Peggy had grown to love the Wisemans, especially Adele's mother, Chaika, whose affectionate greeting always made Peggy feel comfortable. In the Wiseman's home, unlike Grandfather Simpson's house, Peggy felt relaxed, accepted, and loved. Among Adele's friends, the Wiseman family's hospitality was legendary. When Jack and Peggy arrived in Winnipeg, the Wisemans naturally hosted a small reunion for the couple's friends. Peggy later instructed Adele to convey to Chaika "how very much we appreciated all her kindness to us. She is pure gold and we really love her." For Margaret Laurence, the encouragement and support of older women, whether her Mum, Anne Ross, or, later, Ethel Wilson, always meant a great deal.
By September 1954, they were back in the Gold Coast, where a letter from Malcolm Ross was waiting for Peggy. It had been posted four months earlier! He informed Peggy that her Somaliland short story would be published in the _Queen's Quarterly_. Peggy, aggravated by the four-month delay in receiving his letter of acceptance, told Adele, "I always have that kind of rotten luck [with delays in receiving mail from publishers]." She replied at once to Professor Ross, asking him not to publish that story, but to consider as a replacement a "much better" and more recent story, "Drummer of All the World." She confided optimistically to Adele, "I think it is the best story I've ever written, and so does Jack."
Malcolm Ross received Peggy's letter in time to make the substitution and sent her a check for fifty-four dollars. "Drummer of All the World" appeared in the _Queen's Quarterly_ , Winter 1956. Several years later she gave it prominence as the opening story in her collection _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_ (1963).
The Laurences had left their residence in Accra and were now settled and comfortable in a "really nice bungalow" in Tema, closer to Jack's work. Peggy, wanting to make the bungalow look like home, once again had embarked on ambitious decorating projects. "I've made curtains, shower curtains, made shelves for Jocelyn's room out of concrete blocks and planks, painted Jocelyn's furniture green and decorated it with red and yellow peasant-like designs." She was also busy decorating inexpensive earthenware jars and bowls from the African market with oil paints, and "turning them into very posh... ashtrays and plant pots." She had put up pictures, attempted to turn a mahogany plank into a low table, and learned to put in Rawlplugs (which were used to hold screws or nails in masonry) by herself. "I have enjoyed it all very much," she wrote, "but will be quite glad when everything is in shape and I can settle down to some serious work." Peggy's delight in decorating and making things for their home is reminiscent of her father's pleasure in building cabinets and painting their Neepawa home on Vivian Street. Creating a warm, welcoming space, even with the most ordinary of objects, was very important to her.
At the end of September the rains that had been expected since June finally arrived. One night there was a tremendous storm, with sheets of lightning accompanied by eight hours of rain. Peggy was feeling homesick for family and friends in Canada; she yearned for the opportunity to talk with Adele, Chaika, her own Mum, and Elsie Laurence.
Later that month her spirits lifted with the arrival by mail of her first book, the Somali translations, _A Tree for Poverty_. Although for many years that small book was little-known outside Africa, "it was the first collection of Somali poems and folk-tales to appear in English," Laurence later noted. "The doing of it was a labour of love, and I could not help feeling that for the Administrator [Philip Shirley] to take the time and trouble to get it published, it had been much the same sort of thing."
In November, Peggy was suffering from some sort of foot problems. Not long after, a mass of long burn-like blisters appeared on her arm. It was the result of "tumblo fly," she explained, a tropical insect that "lays eggs under the skin and the larva burrow merrily along." Fortunately the problem did not last very long, and there remained only a lot of temporary scars. Her health troubles were not over, however. After getting a bad case of food poisoning, Peggy felt terrible, "[I] couldn't have cared less whether I lived or died." By mid-month she had recovered, although she was still "full of sulpha and a bit weak at the knees."
At last she felt well enough to settle again into work on her novel and she pushed hard to complete the first draft. As 1955 dawned, Peg sent New Year's greetings to Adele. Their Christmas had been fine and little Jocelyn had played for hours with her new kiddy-car. The youngster had been upset, however, at the beginning of her parents' Christmas-morning party: "We had about 40 people and they all arrived at once. We couldn't pay any attention to Jocelyn for a while, and when I finally found her she had apparently been saying 'It's my house, and I can't find my mummy!' However, I took her with me after that and she perked up considerably." This letter also announced "the big news... we're expecting another baby." Although she was three months pregnant, Peg reported feeling well, except that, instead of morning sickness, she seemed to have "[early] evening sickness, a rather inconvenient time to feel ill." She was frustrated about her lack of energy and had felt an overwhelming sleepiness for about a month and a half.
I could hardly keep my eyes open, and was sleeping for about 2 hours every afternoon. This was really depressing, as I haven't done any work on the book for about a month.... Never mind, it's wearing off now, and I'm beginning to feel like normal again, so hope to get cracking on the book again. I must try to get it finished, at least the first draft, before the baby is born, or it will be delayed for another 6 months.... I'm delighted about the baby, though, and hope everything will be o.k. I try not to count on it too much just yet — one doesn't feel quite safe until the first 4 months are over.
Peg remarked that Jack was not as thrilled as she and Jocelyn were about a new baby, but he was "at least philosophical about the whole thing and admits he will probably be crazy about this one, too, when it is actually here — it is difficult for a man to feel very enthusiastic before the event... especially as 9 months is a long time. Anyway, the baby will be born here, and we will be going on leave in December." Writing to Adele a few months later, Peggy reported that her novel was half-finished: "I want to get it done before the baby is born, but don't know if I will manage it. Still, even if it is nearly done, it won't be impossible to complete it afterwards. But I must get a lot more done before July. I'm doing my own housework now, which means I have much less time than I had before. However, the story is moving on at its usual snail's pace, so one of these years it ought to be completed."
She cheered Adele's writing efforts and asked about the progress of her novel and whether she yet had a publisher. The following year Adele Wiseman's first novel, _The Sacrifice_ , was published in Canada, the United States, and Great Britain. Wiseman received the Governor General's Award for Fiction, and the Beta Sigma Phi Award. One of the struggling pair of young writers had made it to the top.
In March 1955, Peggy was five months pregnant and relieved that this pregnancy was "less eventful than the last." She was feeling quite well and was busy preparing for the new baby and still fixing up their bungalow. She was now doing the housework and ironing, partially to save money and partially because she claimed that women in the tropics needed "to keep physically active." On the other hand, this change may have come from a desire to lessen expenses. Given the semi-tropical climate, however, and the fact she was pregnant, managing those tasks would have been a challenge. It is not surprising, therefore, that at this juncture Peggy's issues about having time to write reappear in a letter to Adele:
I've painted both the cot and Jocelyn's bed and made bedspreads for each, which I've printed with enormous fish designs.... That sort of thing takes up a lot of time, and I know I don't have to do it, but when it is for one's kid, the temptation to fix things up nicely is overwhelming. I won't get the novel finished before the baby is born — but I still hope to get much of it done by then. I waste a lot of time resting in the afternoon — it is so hot these days, and now I find I just have to sleep for 2 hours every afternoon, which is a bore and a waste of time but I can't stay awake. I feel very fit if I get that sleep but hellish if I don't. The heat at this season saps one's brain — I feel wonderful physically, but mentally every thought is like lifting a ton weight. I hope the rains come soon.
Peggy's comments about the weather and her need to sleep in the afternoon are typical of Westerners' response to the hot season in the Gold Coast. The heat and humidity were so enervating that people generally began their shopping at 8 a.m., because two hours later it was too hot to go out. The economist Barbara Ward found the weather in the Gold Coast very taxing. In her letters to England she frequently mentions the terrific heat and complains that it not only affects her ability to concentrate, but also diminishes her productivity as a writer.
Local people were also affected by the climate and the sudden severe changes in the weather. One afternoon in June 1955, after ten days of unremitting rain, there was a tremendous storm: "It was as though the clouds had formed a solid bowl across the sky, and the bowl had now tipped, spilling its entire contents in a sudden deluge. The water drove into the ground, hammered and thudded at trees and bungalows. A ravenous wind tore at the bougainvillea and casuarina branches." In the marketplace people drowned "by falling into large, deep drains hidden under the flood waters."
During that same month, Peggy was engrossed in working out her Somaliland novel. Through careful scheduling and diligent effort, she had managed to finish nineteen chapters of the book. However, the realization that she would only be able to complete one or two more chapters before the baby was born, made her focus even more rigorously on bringing the Somaliland novel to its conclusion. Accomplishing that was a new experience for the apprentice novelist, since she had abandoned at least two other novels before their completion. Writing the conclusion to this one, however, was proving to be very difficult. Peggy was also dogged by insecurities. She told Adele about "terrible spells of feeling the characters are weak and unconvincing" and the recurring anxiety, "is the thing going to be interesting? It's interesting to me, but will it be to anyone else?" Moreover there was the question of a publisher. Recently many novels had been set in Africa, and Peg thought publishers might reject her book, even though it had a different focus: her book was not political nor was it axe-grinding against the "white man's burden." It was not primarily concerned with the type of European who hates Africa, but with the type who is completely bound up with it. "And not, I hope, in the manner of so many Africa-lovers in novels — 'God! The Masai are wonderful people! Nature's gentlemen!' — that sort of thing makes me sick."
Her letters make clear that Peg's attention was centred on her writing and her family. Her delight in Jocelyn's development is apparent in the many descriptions and anecdotes that she includes in letters to Adele. She mentioned, for example, that one day, when Jocelyn was in the car with Jack, she said, "'Well, mummy's not here, so I guess we can go really fast now, eh?'" Jocelyn had been well, except for the typical bruises of a three-year-old. "Whatever is wrong, she has to have a bandage on it. She has taken once more to saying her prayers at night, and she intones them in a voice that could be heard miles away. The religious effect is slightly offset by the fact that she insists on following [her prayers] with a loud rendition of the children's song, 'I'm a Little Teapot.'"
Peg and Jack had decided that their second child would be born at Ridge Hospital, Accra. Remaining close to their home in the Gold Coast appealed to Peggy after the dreadful days in London following Jocelyn's birth in 1952. However, it turned out that things were not to be simple. In July, she had bouts of false labour on and off for three weeks, and went into the hospital twice only to go home again. The second time was frightening and hectic. She went into labour one evening while Jack and several Africans were trying to deal with a spitting cobra in the garage. In the midst of having contractions, Peggy paced the floor and worried herself sick at the thought of Jack blinded for life. "Spitting cobras," she explained to Adele, "aim for the eyes and have dead accuracy up to seven feet." Fortunately, the men were able to take care of the snake. At last on August 9, Peg gave birth to a healthy baby boy, who weighed eight pounds, twelve ounces.
In her memoirs, Margaret Laurence devotes two and a half pages to a description of the situation before and after the birth of her son, David. It was "an easy labour of 8 hours" and an "easy birth." A "wonderful" African midwife, Salome, was with her and put the infant on Peg's abdomen even before the cord was severed. "I felt as though I were looking over God's shoulder at the moment of the creation of life. I was witnessing a miracle." Jack, however, did not arrive at the hospital right away, and Peggy was very concerned. "He turned up at four o'clock, the beginning of visiting hours," looking terribly upset. Jack had been phoning the hospital trying to get information and did not realize their son had been born. They decided to name him Robert David Wemyss Laurence. Peggy soon felt fit enough to go home, but she acquiesced to the doctor's orders and remained in hospital for a week. When David was "just over a month old," she was able to resume work on her novel.
In letters to Adele, she describes this period, and thirty years later returned to it in her memoirs. Laurence's letters make resoundingly clear that writing was essential to her life. That view, however, was not shared by Jack. Her description of their differences on this matter is significantly understated in her memoirs, however, where Jack's opinion is presented in a matter-of-fact manner, without qualification: "The kids had to be in bed and asleep before I could begin [writing]. This was my own rule; no one imposed it on me, least of all Jack, who was always patient and understanding about what he conceived of not as his wife's vocation but as a kind of work she was interested in doing."
In fact, writing, for Peggy, was never merely "something she was interested in doing." She was distressed that Jack viewed her work this way, as if it were a hobby analogous to other wives' interest in tennis or knitting. Jack did not fully understand that Peggy considered writing "a gift," something unexpected, but given to her from God. It was her vocation, and she felt a responsibility, very much in the biblical sense, to both respect and nurture that gift.
It is surprising, therefore, that as this passage in _Dance on the Earth_ continues, Peggy actually defends Jack's view of things. One may wonder why she defended her husband, since this major difference between them was the cause of some serious problems: "If you haven't published a thing except one story in _Queen's Quarterly_ and a small book of translations from Somali poetry, you can't really claim to be a professional writer, or so I felt."
Peggy's remarks throw a smoke screen over the reality of her situation. She minimizes her literary efforts by referring only to tangible results. She cites one published short story and omits any mention of the prestigious appearance of "Uncertain Flowering" in _Story_. She also downplays her impressive and hard-won achievement in _A Tree for Poverty_.
Even though Peggy had not published much at that point, it certainly was not due to a lack of effort. Given the layout of their bungalow, Jack must have been aware of how diligently his wife worked at her writing, regardless of whether she used the typewriter or wrote by hand. Obviously it was not a hobby. Furthermore, her daily routine of writing made clear that she was determined to overcome whatever shortcomings she felt her work might have. Peggy continued to wrestle with the written word, regardless of the lack of tangible success in terms of publication. She had the sort of determination that an apprentice writer must possess in order to achieve. Despite setbacks and obstacles, Peggy persisted in her efforts. She tried to create authentic characters, laboured with the shape of the novel, and experimented with point of view.
In mid-October 1955, Peg and Jack went on leave to London. They looked forward to a reunion with Peg's Mum and Aunt Ruby, who were to arrive a bit ahead of them. Although Peg and Jack had visited with them in Vancouver the year before, David had been born since then. The anticipated reunion and time together turned out to be very stressful for Peg, who later simply said, "[It was] not one of the easiest times of my life." Unfortunately Aunt Ruby had slipped and broken her wrist shortly after arriving in London. As a result, it was impossible for Peg and Jack and their young children (Jocelyn was three and David only three months old) to stay with the older women. They had to find a place of their own, regardless of their limited finances.
"Affordable flats were hard to come by and we needed one quickly. Jack spent several days of weary and solitary looking, while I stayed with the children and Mum and Aunt Ruby in their expensive flat, trying to keep Jocelyn entertained and David from yelling, simultaneously talking to Mum and my aunt."
Finally Jack found a third-floor flat in Knightsbridge and they moved: "The flat was dark, dusty, gloomy, and when we first arrived, filthy. I scoured, scrubbed, and almost literally threw Dettol around the place. David never adjusted to the time difference between West Africa and England, with the result that he awakened for his morning feeding at about 4 a.m.... The flat was supposed to have central heating but it didn't work."
Living on the third floor necessitated dragging the baby's carriage up and down two flights of stairs every day. Despite such difficulties, Peggy felt the visit in London had been worthwhile. Mum had been able to see her grandson for the first time and to be with them for his private christening in a nearby Anglican church. She also enjoyed seeing how much little Jocelyn had changed in a year and a half. When it was time for Mum and Aunt Ruby to return to Canada, Peg gave Mum a long letter that she had written and asked her not to open it until they were aboard the ship. "I simply wanted to tell her (and for me, this was more possible on the page than in speech) how much I loved her, how much she meant to me, and how much her encouragement of my writing had strengthened me, even though I had had nothing published professionally. I also wanted to tell her that she could not have been more my mother if she had actually borne me."
Conveying her feelings in a letter may seem to be an impersonal gesture, especially since Peggy had the opportunity to do so in person. Although she was a good conversationalist, in matters of the heart Peggy found it easier to write than speak. After many years of writing letters, that form of communication seemed more natural and enduring. A letter could be reread when the voice could no longer be heard, just as viewing the old photos in Peggy's family albums brought the deceased back to life, at least for the moment.
The return journey from England to the Gold Coast was dreadful for Jack and Peggy. Although they had left their London flat early in the morning, the flight to Africa was much delayed due to heavy fog. They spent a "miserable" day getting "on and off many different buses with a good deal of hand luggage and the two children." Finding a place to heat David's bottle was a further difficulty. In addition, they had no idea when they would eventually reach the airport or what the situation there would be. At last, twelve hours later than their scheduled departure, they were on board the plane. En route to the Gold Coast, they landed at Tripoli where they were delayed for another two hours while the plane was reloaded properly. Then there were more problems. At the Idris airport, baby David needed to be changed and little Jocelyn became sick all the way to the restroom. This return trip to the Gold Coast had none of the delights of their leisurely sea voyage to Somaliland six years earlier.
Once back in the Gold Coast, however, they settled into a routine and Peggy was able to work again on her manuscript. Regardless of her objections to being a "memsahib," she now had an advantage which many women writers of the time lacked: a good deal of domestic help. Because of Jack's position as engineer, it was taken for granted that they would have servants. This meant at least a cook and housekeeper. While Jack was away at work, Peggy did not have to attend alone to shopping, house cleaning, and caring for the children. For most of those tasks she had some help.
By April 1956, her writing was at an important juncture. Peg had decided to take a break from her Somaliland novel, and she began working on a short story that had been on her mind for over a year. It quickly grew to eighty pages and Peggy could not "seem to get it down fast enough." She found herself working on it regularly four nights a week until one or two o'clock in the morning. The short story was becoming a novel. Set in the Gold Coast, the plot was "mainly about an African schoolteacher who's lost the old life and not yet firmly grasped the new." In sharing this news with Adele, Peggy made a positive comment, something she rarely did, "Parts of it are good."
Although corresponding with Adele was important to Peggy, sometimes it made her very frustrated. Even when the women wrote frequently, the time lag between letters was significant, and Peggy longed for a real conversation face to face with Adele:
Sometimes in this intellectual desert I wish I could drop into your flat for a talk. I hardly ever talk about anything that interests me here, as I'm sure people would be bored. Jack and I are going to as few parties as possible this tour, as we are thoroughly sick of the incessant small-talk. Not that I am being condescending about people here — no doubt everyone feels sick of small talk, but no one dares to break the pattern.
By the next month, Peg had completed the first part of the novel which eventually became _This Side Jordan_. Nevertheless, she continued to struggle with its structure because the novel did not adhere to strict chronological sequence. "The various parts," she said, "will have to be inter-leaved in some miraculous fashion." Moreover, she wanted to write the second part from the point of view of a European woman, and that was proving to be more difficult than the first part, which had been done from a man's perspective: "Mainly, I suppose, because I tend to be rather fed up at this point with the European community here and that is not an attitude to have for writing. I don't want to condemn even them — I only want to understand them.... You know, I don't think I am capable of writing anything unless I like my characters."
After detailing the progress of her novel, Peggy describes for Adele the children's development: David was healthy, weighed about twenty pounds, and was very strong. "Fortunately he's happy most of the time," she said, "but I can see he's going to be a little demon when he's a bit older." By May, he was crawling and "rapidly developing into a menace." But he was "so good-natured that one cannot get annoyed with him." Jocelyn was now paying attention to clothes and dresses. She also had a three-wheeler bike that she parked beside her bed at night. During the day, she zoomed around on it and was "into everything." Perhaps seeing her daughter's delight brought back memories to Peggy of her own birthday present at age four, "a splendid green-and-silver" tricycle, which she had lugged up the back stairs of the Simpson house to show to her ailing mother.
After congratulating Adele on _The Sacrifice_ , Peg mentioned that she had recently read Mordecai Richler's _Son of a Lesser Hero_. She then praised Adele's novel: "You have something [quite different from Richler]... without which no writer can ever be great and maybe not even good, and that quality is love and compassion." Peggy then recounted some difficulties she had grappled with as she tried to complete her own novel:
It is now approaching 6 months since I began working until 2 or 3 a.m. four nights a week, and I think the strain is beginning to show! I feel at the moment rather discouraged, as I'm afraid I'm just about at the end of my tether, and I haven't finished the story yet. Can't get rid of headaches, and feel generally beat-up. However, I have a very strong constitution, thank God, and so if I can only make a last burst and finish the damn thing off (rough draft, you understand) I shall then take about three weeks off and do nothing but sleep. I hope the effort proves worth it. Did you feel discouraged when you were nearing the end? I feel awful. I think the story is terrible. It is probably the worst piece of prose in history. Also, who am I to write about Africa? I don't know a damn thing about it, relatively speaking. I've had the nerve to write half the thing from an African's point of view. Also, it's too long (344 pages now and with an estimated 50 to go). (Time out while I remove David from under the table where I am working!) The Europeans will hate the European parts and the Africans will hate the African parts. Never mind — it has a good title, _This Side Jordan._
Peg had put aside her earlier Somaliland novel, even though it was nearly completed, in order to work on this new novel, which was set in the Gold Coast. On the whole, she was pleased with the way it was developing and told Adele, "I feel strangely fanatical about it. (Excuse me a moment — David is standing on his head and appears about ready to collapse)."
Peggy's comments about young David, interjected at several points in this letter, indicate how difficult it was for her to find time to write during the day when the children were active and needed attention. "David goes like a bomb all day long. He crawls very fast, too fast, and is on the verge of walking. He is a terror, and has a terrible temper and an equally large amount of charm." Her letters from West Africa, such as this one, rarely have the kind of detailed descriptions of people or events that appear in Laurence's letters from Somaliland. Now, with two active youngsters and several literary projects under way, she simply did not have the time to include those sorts of descriptions in her letters. However, her observant eye and attentive ear absorbed all that for future writing. Before concluding the letter, Peg apologized for mentioning such "boring details" about her struggles, but she emphasized again that Adele was the only person she knew who would understand her dilemmas.
Laurence's delight in her children and concern about them while struggling to develop her talents as a writer are in stark contrast to the choices made by another contemporary, Doris Lessing, who let nothing stand in the way of her writing and her political activities. Lessing walked away from her first husband and her children, when they were three and five years of age, and for many years had almost no contact with them.
Writing again to Adele, Peggy apologized for sending her the previous "stupid letter," full of her own doubts and depressions. Now she reported things were going "quite well":
I've got one more episode to do in the first draft, then a heck of a lot of fixing up... to do before I start turning my attention to re-writing proper. In other words, the story has to be hammered into shape before I start worrying overmuch about the style. Maybe that's wrong — I don't know. I think perhaps in the past I may have fussed over writing too much, bleeding it to death in the process.... I feel my great flaw in the past has been mulling over something much too long, and kind of losing the thread in the process. This, I may say, will be the third novel I have written (the other 2 never got quite finished as they were no good, especially the first — the second, the one set in Somaliland, I still have some feeble hopes for). I am thirty years old. This is not good enough.
Remarks such as these made to Adele over several months in 1956 make clear that _This Side Jordan_ developed in the midst of a great deal of worry and effort on Peggy's part. Thirty years later, however, she remembered it very differently. In her memoirs, Laurence relates that the process was easy: "Those late-night hours when I wrote the first draft of _This Side Jordan_ were exhilarating. I scribbled on and on, as though a voice were telling me what to write down. It was the easiest novel I ever wrote because I knew absolutely nothing about writing a novel. The pages poured out." Perhaps that statement reflects her initial engagement with the manuscript, but it is certainly misleading as a description of the composition of _This Side Jordan_. Moreover, contrary to her assertion, Laurence did know a great deal about writing a novel, having struggled with at least two previous novels which were never completed. However when she penned her memoirs in her late fifties, with many literary accomplishments behind her, the memory of her first published novel may have taken on a glow that is not reflected at all in her contemporary letters.
In the process of writing _This Side Jordan_ , moreover, she had done a considerable amount of research and reading. Laurence familiarized herself with Asante proverbs, religious beliefs, and customs. She also spent time with the principal of an African school, visiting the classrooms and meeting with the teachers to determine if her impressions as reflected in the novel had been correct; "they were....I was delighted to find that I hadn't been wrong." Peggy was preoccupied with her manuscript and expressed her concerns over and over in letters to Adele:
I'm sorry I keep chattering on about all this to you. The thing is, I can't talk about it to anyone except Jack, and altho' he is wonderful about it, and has an excellent critical mind, he hasn't actually done this kind of work himself. I often feel I am leading a double life — do you? It seems a kind of irony to me that the thing in life which is most important to me, next to my husband and kids, is something I can never talk about, never let anyone know about, even.
It may seem strange today that Laurence felt unable to mention her work, but in the early 1950s, concealing the fact she was a writer was not untypical for women writers. It was as much a sign of those times as it was the result of Peggy's shyness. Her younger contemporary, the writer Alice Munro, recounts similar behaviour at the beginning of her own literary career in the 1950s.
Peggy's efforts to shape the novel were further complicated because of her efforts to lose weight. She related to Adele an anecdote about Jocelyn, who had cut out a magazine picture and said to Peggy: "Wouldn't you like to be SLIM like this girl? You'd better keep it as your diet picture!" As the wife of a handsome and important engineer, Peggy was determined to look slender in order to be attractive to her husband and his associates. She was afraid that extra weight would make her less desirable in her husband's eyes. The rigour of trying to diet while she was struggling with a manuscript took a toll, but in photographs from that period she does look quite trim. Margaret Laurence's appearance during those years is remarkably different from the worn, rather heavy features in photographs of her that were taken in the late 1970s and 1980s.
In July, Peggy sent Adele a long letter that filled two airmail letterettes. She congratulated Adele over the news that the prestigious firm of Victor Gollancz had plans to publish _The Sacrifice_ in Great Britain and told her she intended to purchase a copy because "it is a mistake for an author to give away free copies — let your friends help sales!" She reported that she had been laid low with a terrible cold and fever, which made it hard for her to get up and look after the children. The letter also summarized themes in _This Side Jordan_. Peggy explained that the novel unfolds partly from the point of view of Nathaniel, an African schoolteacher, and partly from the point of view of Miranda, the young wife of a European accountant in Africa. "It is really the story of her attempt to make friends with a few sample Africans... her serious but blundering attempts to understand them; and her final realization that intellectual 'racial tolerance' is not enough — it is, in fact, only the beginning. She fails, of course, as we all do who try the same thing and with the same naiveté, but she begins to realize why she has failed." Nathaniel dreams of the "past glories of Ghana, and the glory that will be in the future, but he doesn't know how to achieve it." She told Adele that Nathaniel's story is told "in very emotional terms, and Miranda's is on a much more subdued level, as I think would be the case."
Some of Peggy's nagging uncertainties about her work also surface in this letter. She refers to it as "a very plain story in the sense that nothing much happens, I suppose. No one is raped or seduced, there are no riots or anything like that. Maybe not enough happens. I don't know." She told Adele that she was sick of books about Africa that were "full of wildly dancing tribesmen, human sacrifices, and Europeans who are always drunk and always leaping in and out of bed with each other. That isn't the Africa I know. Maybe the Africa I know doesn't have enough sensation to make it book material. We shall see. I can see there is a lot of work still to do."
Although she described many uncertainties about her novel, Laurence's contemporary letters also convey a real sense of excitement about that book.
In early November 1956, however, things became more complicated. Peggy's Aunt Ruby wired Jack from Canada to say that Peg's Mum was seriously ill with cancer, and surgery would be necessary. Aunt Ruby wanted Jack to break the news to Peggy, thus continuing a Simpson family pattern of meeting adversity with indirection.
Greatly concerned about Mum's health, Peg and Jack decided that she and the children would leave Africa after the New Year and return to Canada before Jack's contract ended in the spring. Doing that would ensure Peg some quality time to visit with Mum and provide an opportunity to assess the state of her health. Once she and Jack had reached that decision, she pushed forward with changes to the novel, knowing it would be "virtually impossible to work at it for some time" once she was back in Canada.
By the end of November, "after working terrifically hard" on the book, Peg felt that the manuscript was completed. Although she knew that some chapters would need to be polished when it was retyped, on the whole, she considered it "finished." Moreover, Jack had "read the first few chapters and liked them." At this point she felt "absolutely beat" and wanted Adele to riffle through the pages, even though "the script is in a shocking state, all scribbled over." She also realized that "the pleasure is in the doing of the story — irrespective of what happens to it now, I am beginning to feel a bit empty, and to wonder what I shall do without it to work on. I shall have to type it all out neatly to send it somewhere, I suppose — I hate the thought of that job. So boring." She believed that the manuscript was completed; she had no inkling that work on _This Side Jordan_ would actually drag on over the next two years.
In trying to get the novel into shape before she and the children returned to Canada, Peggy had overextended herself. Then, as she set about preparing to leave the Gold Coast, there were disturbing events to deal with. First, David, fifteen months old, had a "bad bout of malaria." The impact of coping with malaria, whether in their family or among others, was to leave a deep impression on Laurence. She mentions it more than once, most notably in a moving convocation address at Emmanuel College in May 1983. Now, she described her anxious state in a letter to Adele:
I have been worried sick about him [David]. However, he is o.k. now and eating once more. For days he was absolutely listless and it nearly broke my heart to see him that way. He goes for his second blood test tomorrow, to see if the parasites are gone. The day before he got malaria, he fell and gashed open his head, and had a very nasty wound. Troubles certainly don't come singly. If anything else happens I shall be a candidate for a mental hospital. However, now that the story is finished, I aim to try to get some sleep for a change
A few weeks later, both David and Jocelyn became sick "either with food poisoning or worms." Not long afterwards a thief broke into the house. Then, in the midst of great concern about Mum's cancer and her own children's health, Peggy herself again came down with malaria. She wrote Adele: "Thank God my story is finished for the moment — I simply couldn't concentrate on it now."
### CHAPTER NINE
### Stolen Time
#### Vancouver: 1957-1962
In early January 1957, Jack Laurence stood at the Accra airport and watched his wife cross the tarmac toward BOAC flight #272, carrying David in her arms and holding young Jocelyn by the hand. This would be their longest separation since their marriage ten years earlier. On the morning of January 9, the plane finally landed in London, where Peggy and the children visited for several days with Adele Wiseman. The two women spent hours catching up on news of family and friends and talking about their writing. Then, within a few days Peggy and the children were on their way to Canada. Fortunately, little Jocelyn and David slept during most of that long transatlantic flight.
The years in Africa had followed upon Peggy's work for _The Westerner_ and the _Winnipeg Citizen_. Without her weekly or daily newspaper deadlines, Peggy had time to experiment with her literary gifts. Living in the Horn of Africa and the Gold Coast had a significant intellectual as well as literary impact on her development as a writer. When Peggy left Africa in 1957, it was only a physical departure. The continent and its people were to remain with her. Her homes in Vancouver would have African items as part of the décor, and friends who came to dinner recall that Peggy would serve traditional African foods from time to time. She would also review books about Africa for the _Vancouver Sun_ and _Canadian Literature_ , and later, when living in England, she continued to read literature in English by authors from the newly independent African countries. She attended London performances of new plays by African writers, such as Wole Soyinka and went to the Commonwealth Literary Festival with Marjory Whitelaw of the CBC. Margaret would also spent a good deal of time researching her seventh book, which is her only work of extended literary criticism: _Long Drums and Cannons: Nigerian Dramatists and Novelists 1952-1966_ , published in 1968. When it was reissued in 2001, the noted scholar, Douglas Killam, remarked that "it has lost none of its validity as a way into understanding the literature that was produced between 1952... and 1966." Considering the number of times that Margaret Laurence moved after she left Africa, it is worth noting that, at the time of her death twenty years later she still had almost a hundred books by or about Africa and Africans in her library.
While living in Africa, Laurence's short fiction had not met with the success she had hoped for in terms of publication. Nevertheless, out of her experiences in the Gold Coast and her omnivorous reading about the customs and beliefs of West Africans, Laurence was later to produce a very fine first novel, _This Side Jordan_ , and a remarkable collection of short stories, _The Tomorrow-Tamer and other Stories_ , which captures the former British colony on the threshold of independence and sheds light on that situation from various perspectives. But these achievements were not on her horizon in January 1957; they lay in the future.
Arriving in Montreal following their long flight, Peggy and the children were welcomed by Elliot and Kay Bolton, old friends from Winnipeg, and she was happy to relax for a few days at their home. But after living in the semi-tropical Gold Coast, Peg and the children found it challenging to adjust to Montreal's January temperature: -40°F! The children, who had never seen snow before, played in a dishpan full of snow, brought in by the Bolton's son. Kay Bolton recalled that David Laurence, who was still in diapers and unaccustomed to stairs or shoes, kept walking right off the top step at their home and into the air.
After relaxing with the Boltons, Margaret and the children boarded the plane for another long flight, to the West Coast, where Peggy's close friend and former school chum, Mona, was to meet them. The plane's arrival in Vancouver was delayed for hours, however, and when it finally landed before dawn, Mona greeted a weary and very bedraggled trio. As they sped from the airport, Mona's car was stopped by the police, but after listening to her explanation, the police, with sirens blaring, escorted her car through Stanley Park to North Vancouver.
A few days later, Peg made the short flight to Victoria where Mum now lived. Aunt Ruby met her and exclaimed with relief: "'Here you are. You're young and strong. You'll take over. You'll manage things.'" Peggy's body tensed as she realized her life was about to undergo a radical change. She had two young children to care for, her Mum was dying, and her husband was not due to arrive from Africa until late April, four long months away. "I was suddenly petrified," she recalled. "I felt like my life had changed irrevocably. The fun was over. I was thirty-one."
Not only was Peggy filled with dread as she faced the reality of Mum's condition, but many routine tasks also became difficult as they settled in. That month temperatures in British Columbia plunged to record lows and snowstorms enveloped the area. Greater Victoria was hit with its heaviest snow in forty years, and within the week southern Vancouver Island was digging out of a nine-inch snowfall. From the time of Peggy's return to Canada in that cold and snowy January, which was so reminiscent of Neepawa's weather at the time of her father's death, through the months that followed, she felt that her life on all sides was enveloped in gloom.
The international situation also was fraught with dangerous uncertainties. Overseas, Great Britain endeavoured to secure its hold on the Aden protectorate in Yemen. The Gold Coast prepared to celebrate its new, but fragile, political independence as Ghana. On the domestic front, there was an outbreak of red measles in Vancouver during February. Then city officials, overruling citizens' protests, mandated fluoridation of the city's water. A twenty-six-year-old woman plunged from the Granville Bridge and a boy was trapped in the ice on Burnaby Lake. The murderer of a nine-year-old child was hanged in British Columbia, and two elderly women sitting on a bench were struck and killed by a car that careened out of control.
Events such as these fuelled Peggy's anxieties about the precarious nature of seemingly ordinary situations, especially in Jack's absence. These grim domestic disasters were eclipsed, however, by the international arms race. This characterized the Cold War period when Russia and the United States, the two military superpowers, were rushing to test and stockpile atomic weapons. Russia exploded its fifth atomic bomb a month after Peggy's return to Canada, and Vancouver launched a civil-defence plan for the evacuation of the city "in case of atomic attack." The newspapers tried to assure worried citizens that Vancouver could be evacuated in less than twelve hours, provided all available sea and land transport were deployed
These powerful reminders of man's hubris, folly, and vulnerability were not lost on Peggy, and the young mother-writer would later call upon memories of that period to provide the anxiety-ridden backdrop for her novel _The Fire-Dwellers_ (1969). The tense situation in Vancouver also inspired a bleak, futuristic science-fiction story, unusual for Laurence, that dealt with the possibility and consequences of an atomic disaster, "A Queen in Thebes" ( _Tamarack Review_ , 1964), which is included here in Appendix C. Laurence later said, "It seems a strange story for me to have written, and indeed it is the only science fiction story I've ever done."
When Margaret Laurence returned to Canada from the Gold Coast, she brought with her the manuscript of _This Side Jordan_ , which she hoped to discuss with Mum. After getting settled in Victoria, Laurence described her situation to Adele and apologized again for not writing sooner. Getting settled, writing to Jack, and typing her manuscript had kept her fully occupied. The letter also related the difficulties and tension she had experienced trying to adjust to life in that very small house, with two children under the age of five and two elderly relatives, one terminally ill with cancer.
Although Mum was home from hospital, she was weak and needed large doses of painkillers. Peg did not want to alarm David and Jocelyn, who were two and a half and four and a half years old, respectively. The children missed Jack and the familiar routine of their life in the Gold Coast. For Peggy, keeping them busy, happy, and quiet was a major challenge. She later described those months in Victoria as "among the most difficult and anguished of my life." The little one-storey house on Windsor Road was too small for three adults and two young children, but Aunt Ruby put a folding cot for Peggy in her own bedroom and placed the children in a finished basement room, adding a crib for David. Peggy found those arrangements completely unacceptable. She lacked privacy, the children were far from her, and there was no place to work on her manuscript or write letters to Jack. She became increasingly irritable: "Without privacy, I knew I would break down entirely."
One day when the two older women were out, Peggy took action. Her description of what followed is significant. In _Dance on the Earth_ the tone at this point shifts markedly from the previous section and the passage becomes very animated. In recounting what took place, Laurence uses several sentences commencing with the pronoun "I" and followed immediately by a series of strong verbs ("wrestled," "dragged," "rigged," "strung," "slung"), which convey how she dealt with the unacceptable arrangements in Aunt Ruby's house:
Regarded with glee and astonishment by my prancing and excited young, I constructed a bedroom for myself in the basement, right beside theirs. Their bedroom had walls and a door and was furnished with a rug, a single bed, my brother's bookshelves, the old Wemyss desk that belonged to Bob, and a crib Aunt Ruby had borrowed for David. My room was somewhat different. The basement was a jumble of old trunks, cast-off furniture, clotheslines, and assorted junk. I wrestled the fold-up bed and mattress out of Aunt Ruby's room and down to the basement. I dragged two trunks and spaced them at the end of the bed. I found an old door and placed it with one end on each trunk; I had a desk. I rigged a discarded lamp from the ceiling light with an extra socket. I strung up clotheslines across the open sides of my room and slung blankets from them to act as walls. I had my own space. ( _Dance_ , 114)
When the women returned, Aunt Ruby became furious. She could not understand Peggy's need for privacy or her desire to sleep near the children. Under great strain, Ruby lashed out at Peggy, and Peggy replied angrily: "You don't understand, you just don't! You've never had children. I'm not going to have them sleeping away down there if I'm not near them. And I'm not a child! I can't sleep in your bedroom!"
After Laurence recounts that situation, she quickly rationalizes Aunt Ruby's behaviour and relates how, once again, indirection in the face of disaster became Ruby Simpson's modus operandi: "Aunt Ruby was, as she always had been, efficient and capable.... When personal emotions threatened, she became all practicality, concentrating on the details of everyday life: meals, medication, the evening glass of sherry, news of neighbours and friends. She was magnificent. As for me, I tried my best. What held me together was that I had to follow Aunt Ruby's lead for Mum's sake and for the sake of my children."
On days when Mum was feeling a bit better, she read the manuscript of _This Side Jordan_ , offering comments and suggestions to Peggy. Her feedback was genuinely helpful and very reassuring. "It was," said Laurence, "her final gift to me."
Fortunately Peg had additional support from Jack's parents, Elsie and John Laurence, who also lived in Victoria. They had raised a large family and now had many grandchildren. John and Elsie were accustomed to youngsters. Peg and the children visited them weekly and frequently stayed overnight. They felt welcomed and more relaxed there. Elsie was also a published writer, who understood the tension that Peggy felt as she tried to make time to write and to be an attentive mother while having the many responsibilities, even temporarily, of being a single parent. Peggy told Adele that Elsie had been "wonderful" and "an enormous help." In her memoirs, Laurence states that she could hardly believe the strength Jack's mother had given to her.
Not only did Elsie Laurence give Peggy emotional support, but she also gave her practical encouragement, urging her to enter _This Side Jordan_ in the annual fiction contest sponsored by the _Atlantic Monthly_. In addition, Elsie Laurence typed a third of the manuscript for her. Although the deadline was June 30, Peggy was fearful that Mum's condition might worsen at any moment, and she raced to complete the book. By March 17, the typing was done, three months ahead of the contest's deadline. She did not expect to win, but she was canny enough to realize that the _Atlantic Monthly_ returned manuscripts quickly and often took other scripts in addition to the winning one. Peggy intended to await comments from the _Atlantic Monthly_ , then revise her novel and submit it to Macmillan, Canada, the firm which had recently published Adele's first novel, _The Sacrifice_. Peg, however, was uncertain of how to proceed with Macmillan and turned to Adele for practical advice about submitting the manuscript.
The completion of a novel, especially a first novel, is a major event in a writer's life. Once Peggy had sent off the manuscript, she was prey to conflicted feelings:
Well, now that it is done I don't know what to do with myself, and feel very lost without it, as though a lot of people I knew suddenly went away. Also, I wonder how long I will go before I start anything else. Quite awhile, I hope, as I feel I must get settled down somewhere first, and I have an overpowering urge to make up to my family (i.e., husband and kids) for all the neglect they have endured over the past year. Not really neglect, you know, but half my mind was elsewhere. I wonder what I shall want to write about next?
In the months that followed, she continued to work on several literary projects. She told Adele she was struggling with the "previous half-finished novel on Somaliland," as well as editing her diaries from Somalia, and thinking about a novel that focused on an old woman at the end of her life (this became _The Stone Angel_ ). Peggy had already put months of effort into that novel set in Somaliland, but she still was not satisfied with it:
Its trouble, I can see now, was a basic lack of simplicity — a theme should be as simple as birth or death — something that can be summed up in a single sentence and yet whose ramifications are so wide that it can never be entirely said at all. The theme of that one wasn't simple — it was superficially very complicated because I didn't really know what I was trying to say and therefore camouflaged it with intricacies of plot. I think I loved Somaliland too much to write about it so soon after being there.
This letter, written two months after Peggy's return to Canada, also contains significant information about Laurence's approach to fiction and provides a fascinating glimpse into some of the ideas that she later developed in _The Stone Angel:_
Old age is something which interests me more and more — the myriad ways people meet it, some pretending it doesn't exist, some terrified by every physical deterioration because that final appointment is something they cannot face, some trying to balance the demands and routine of this life with an increasing need to gather together the threads of the spirit so that when the thing comes they will be ready — whether it turns out to be death or only another birth. I think birth is the greatest experience of life, right until the end, and then death is the greatest experience. There are times when I can believe that the revelation of death will be something so vast we are incapable of imagining it.
Peggy's interest in writing about old age pre-dates her return to Canada. She had written a moving poem about old age, "Let My Voice Live," which was published in the _Canadian Tribune_ when she was only twenty-four and living in England. Peggy had continued to think about old age as a subject for fiction during the following years, and this letter to Adele indicates that, by 1957, she had already begun to imagine in specific detail the inner world of an elderly woman who would later become Hagar, the central character in _The Stone Angel_ (1964). The gestation of that novel was a gradual and lengthy process.
I picture a very old woman who knows she is dying, and who despises her family's sympathy and solicitude and also pities it, because she knows they think her mind is partly gone — and they will never realize that she is moving with tremendous excitement — part fear and part eagerness — towards a great and inevitable happening, just as years before she experienced birth. I probably sound off my rocker. _It is only because you are the only person, apart from Jack, to whom I can spout these vague and half-formed ideas_. [emphasis added].
This letter to Adele included the news that Peggy was on a strict diet: "I have lost 10 lbs. Am living on celery & cottage cheese!" She was "gleefully ticking off the days" until Jack arrived in Canada. Peggy wanted to look attractive when her husband reached Vancouver, but the worries of the past months had taken an enormous toll on her. The stresses of living with Mum, who was very ill, and with Aunt Ruby; the adjustments to life in Canada, and the climate of British Columbia after four years in the Gold Coast; the sole responsibility for two small children; and the difficulty of finding the necessary time and place to edit and type her manuscript — all these issues had turned the months in Victoria into something of a nightmare for her.
By early June, Jack had arrived and the family was together again. Jack had secured a position with an engineering firm, and soon was busy with a project involving the highway to Squamish, north of Vancouver. Peggy noted: "[He] is outdoors most the time and loves it." A harbour and town development had also been proposed there and Jack expected to be involved with that project. They both wanted to move up to Squamish within the next six months. "We like the idea of living in a small town," she wrote to a friend, "and I have highly coloured daydreams about a picturesque old fishing lodge at Squamish with all our friends coming for weekends."
In the meantime, they had found other lodgings in North Vancouver below the brooding ridges of Grouse Mountain, and had become "reasonably well settled" in the ground-floor flat of a large house at 1540 St. George's Avenue (no longer standing). Peggy and Jack decided to make some of their living-room furniture and began with a black-walnut coffee table. In describing their new "home," Peggy was pleased and in high spirits:
It is really perfect for us right now — there is a large yard where the kids can play; large kitchen, small living room; two bedrooms. The house is owned by an elderly Italian woman and the garden reminds me of your two old ladies' garden in Rome. There are grape vines all over the place; a profusion of somewhat untidy classical circular flower beds, a cement chair made to resemble one made out of tree branches; a weird concrete tree with concrete snake eternally coiling round it; tiny birdbath-cum-fish pool with concrete cat forever chasing concrete fish and remaining for all time unsuccessful — the whole thing is rather like a burlesqued version of Keats' "Ode on a Grecian Urn." All our bathroom plumbing is a rich burgundy color! When I have a bath, I get into a positively Homeric mood and keep muttering "wine-dark sea..."
This lively description conveys Peggy's pleasure in her new surroundings, but the letter also contains worried comments about her writing. She had not heard from the _Atlantic Monthly_. Although she didn't believe her novel really stood a chance of winning the contest, she hoped they would return the manuscript soon. In the meantime, she wanted to complete another novel, her Somaliland book, "but it won't be a matter of rewriting — it is very poor stuff." After looking over that manuscript, she concluded that it would "have to be redone completely. Perhaps even entirely chucked out and something else tried."
Peggy's conflicted feelings about juggling her roles as mother, wife, and writer are obvious in her postscript to Adele Wiseman, who had received a Guggenheim Fellowship and was then living in New York City: "Sometimes I envy you the freedom of mind — I've got too damn much on mine, in the way of practical concerns, like what's for dinner and when am I going to get this week's ironing done."
Although Adele replied in late July, she had no further news from Peggy for several months. The reason for the delay lay in the fact that all summer long Peggy had been preoccupied with Mum's condition and assailed with worries that were reminiscent of her early years in Neepawa: there was widespread concern that a polio epidemic raging in Japan would reach British Columbia. In addition, an outbreak of the flu was expected that fall, and thirty thousand doses of the vaccine had been prepared for distribution. When Peg finally wrote to Adele on December 1, she summarized the anxious and anguished months. They had been worried about Jack's job, because there was a possibility that his company might have to declare bankruptcy. In the meantime, Mum had grown weaker and been admitted to hospital, where she needed large doses of painkillers. Then, on September 25, Mum had died. During the three preceding weeks, Peggy had been at her side in Victoria. She admitted to Adele that she had been "pretty close to the breaking-point after her Mum's death." It was, Laurence said, "the most ghastly period I've ever lived through."
The relentless course of Mum's painful illness had worn down both Peggy and her brother, Bob. Although he was working in Nanaimo, he frequently made the trip back to Victoria. There he and Peg would go to the hospital and spend time together afterwards. Her brother was, she said, "a great help and support to me." Thinking about Mum, Peg confided to Adele that "it didn't seem fair that a person who had had such a hard life should have such a hard death." Peggy's early years had been filled with death's losses, and now the dearest and closest member of her family had died after months of suffering. All the joy and exhilaration of the African years were eclipsed by that irrevocable loss and the painful return of memories of the deaths of her own parents and beloved grandmother. Although Peg was a wife and mother, now once again she was an orphan.
A short time after Mum's death, the family's troubles multiplied when Jack had to be hospitalized for kidney stones. Aunt Ruby came from Victoria to help out with the children so that Peg would have time to visit Jack. His illness and hospitalization awakened in her further anxiety. Then, Aunt Ruby came down with the Asian flu. Soon both children had caught the flu. Meanwhile, Jack had to remain in hospital longer than expected because he had developed two sets of complications following surgery. As these misfortunes multiplied, Peggy admitted to Adele, "Honestly... for a few weeks I thought I would go out of my mind. I guess I hit the bottle pretty hard."
Fortunately, everyone made a good recovery from the Asian flu, and Peg was offered a job that winter as a marker for Professor Gordon Elliott, who was teaching English to Engineering students at the University of British Columbia in a program under the auspices of Watson Thomson. She wanted that job in order "to make money as we have been hit hard by Jack's illness." Finally he was released from hospital and their life became a bit less chaotic. Within a short time Jack and Peggy were talking about resuming the search for a home of their own.
After such a turbulent year, it is not surprising that Peggy felt glum when she wrote to Adele in February 1958, "So much of one's thought, time and emotions are drained away from work, with a family." As the children grew older, Peggy found that her
greatest "inner demon" — one which no amount of wrestling with seems to quell — is that I constantly lose my temper with the children, mainly out of a frantic desire to get all the housework done so I can get to work & a sort of impotent fury when they create more & yet more domestic work to be done before I can do any writing! It isn't right, & they will probably be very maladjusted — whatever that means.
By the spring, Peggy and Jack had moved again. This time from North Vancouver to a small house in the Dunbar area, not far from the University of British Columbia and Jack's old associates from Roslyn Road, Watson and Mary Thomson. There were a few stores nearby and the local school was within walking distance. The school, named Lord Kitchener, was an ironic reminder of some of the worst phases of the British colonial era.
In early May, Jack's job again took him away from home. This time he went farther up north, near Fort St. John, where he remained for at least four months as resident engineer involved with the massive project of dismantling the old Peace River Bridge. During that long separation, there was little relief for Peggy in terms of household management and child care. Jack's absence also necessitated more complex domestic arrangements since Peggy no longer drove.
During most of July and August, however, Peggy and the children were able to join Jack in Fort St. John. Fortunately, they were together there when the Second Narrows Bridge in Vancouver collapsed while under construction in July, killing nineteen men. It was the city's worst disaster in many years. If Peggy had been in Vancouver, she would have been worried sick about the safety of Jack and his men who were trying to dismantle the Peace River Bridge.
The family's summer together was "idyllic." The countryside with its mountains and northern rivers was beautiful, and the children enjoyed picnics, swimming, and berry-picking, as well as the Stampede and full "Wild West atmosphere." Peg reported that she and Jack "would like to settle down somewhere like this — in the Cariboo country." Although she realized earning a living in that remote area would be difficult, she told Adele, "Maybe someday we'll have a brilliant idea on the subject. At the moment it's impossible. But both of us are country people at heart, you know.... We have some wild and wonderful schemes for 'our own business' but no capital!"
Despite Peggy's cheerful description of the summer months, she also made oblique references to marital problems between herself and Jack. She told Adele they had had "a long depressing time," although things now seemed to be all right. Peggy thought that working outdoors had done Jack "a lot of good," and explained that she had been depressed for a long time because it seemed as if she would never be able to finish the "damn novel."
She was struggling once again with revisions of _This Side Jordan_ , and had decided to throw out twenty-five of the fifty chapters and start all over. "I cannot understand how I could have written it the way I did the first time. I only had half a novel. But the other half was there waiting to be picked up, as it were, only I hadn't seen it before." This time she did the European chapters from the man's point of view, which she "ought to have done the first time." The following comments, which were omitted in the published version of the novel, refer to material about Johnnie's religion and indicate the complexity of Laurence's revisions. "The European character, Johnnie, goes back to the R.C. [Roman Catholic] Church at the end of the book. I didn't know whether he was going to or not, but he did. For him, it was necessary. But there is a subtle point which I don't really emphasize — the European is the one who returns to the past, in this fashion. The African for all his weakness, does not."
Despite pages and pages of changes, Peggy remained uncertain about whether the novel was good enough. However, since she now found that she enjoyed reading it aloud to herself after everyone else was in bed at night, she took that as a sign that her extensive changes really had improved the novel. Reflecting later on her struggles with _This Side Jordan_ , Laurence stated, "There is no job in the world in which one puts greater effort with less assurance of success and less knowledge of the true quality of one's work."
In September 1958, Jocelyn, who had turned six, began Grade One and Peggy returned to marking essays for Professor Gordon Elliott. Although she could have found that work boring and very time-consuming, she actually found it interesting and was pleased to be "quite well-paid." She described Professor Elliott as "a real prince," noting, "we work very well together, and see many things the same way." He was also a regional "scout" for the publisher McClelland & Stewart. In that capacity, Gordon contacted Jack McClelland about _This Side Jordan_ and thus initiated a publishing connection that was to prove critical to Margaret Laurence's future success.
During the following year, 1959, Peggy was on a veritable roller coaster in terms of her work. She had "a great many ideas" for more short stories, and decided to work at them while editing _This Side Jordan_ , since "new work is always so much more interesting." However, she was quite discouraged by the fact that the _Atlantic Monthly_ wanted further changes in the manuscript of _This Side Jordan_.
In addition to trying to satisfy them, Peggy was exploring other channels in an effort to published. She had contacted Macmillan, England, where one of the editors had admired her Somali translations and expressed an interest in her novel. Peggy also wrote to a New York agent, Ruth May, who represented her new friend, the Vancouver writer Margaret Hutchison. Laurence planned to send Ruth May the revised version of _This Side Jordan_ , but she was in an ethical quandary about multiple submissions and queried Adele:
Do you by any chance know what the legal position is regarding publication in England and America? That is, could I send my script to this bloke in England, and at the same time send it to Miss May for possible placement with an American publisher? Or would this not be cricket?... I am beginning to see that I am a veritable babe in the woods, and am beginning to feel that this whole process is fantastically complicated.
For Peggy, such dilemmas were further compounded by a practical problem — she had only one fair copy of the manuscript! Determined to wrestle _This Side Jordan_ into shape, she decided to sharpen her red pencils and edit ruthlessly. "I only hope I won't have to completely retype the blessed thing," she told Adele; "It took me 3 months to type it the last time." Subsequent readers' reports from the _Atlantic Monthly_ added to her uncertainty; for while they complimented her on the revisions, they found _This Side Jordan_ was still too long and declined to publish it.
Adele decided that Peggy needed a break from her labours and invited her to come to New York City for a visit. Although Peg very much wanted to see Adele, she realized the trip would be impossible: she had two young children, her husband's engineering work often took him away from home, and their limited financial resources would prohibit such a long journey. "How I envy you," she wrote, "with all that stimulating company! I don't think a writer should be too group-minded, but it must be wonderful to know people who like to talk about such things from time to time. I miss that communication very much."
Three months later, Peggy sent a poignant letter to Adele in which she confided her frustrations, her unsuccessful efforts to get her work published, and her recurring uncertainty about the quality of her fiction. Earlier in the day, Peggy had received a rejection letter for a story and she wrote to Adele that, when rejections arrived, doubts about the quality of her work again assailed her:
How can one tell? Without periodic encouragement, how can one possibly know if one's own standards are any good or not?... The main point is — if one is writing, & more or less gambling one's whole existence on it, & cheating family & etc. of one's time and care, & putting into it very nearly the whole of one's identity, & it turns out to be no good — what will you say to them? "God, I bought the wrong stock? I invested in a mine that wasn't capable of production?
Peggy continued to feel guilty about the time required for her writing, although she cared deeply about her work, and wanted to see it published, for she believed her ability to write was a "gift," a talent given to her, not earned. It is clear that writing was not an option; it was as necessary to her well-being as food and love and family. She dismissed the suggestion that she might write solely for the work itself, and not necessarily for publication. She explained, "What I try to write about is rooted in this world. It is not a purely private vision." She then elaborated further: "One does it presumably, to create a private world in which somehow one can breathe better than in this one." However, Laurence also believed strongly that the private world has to become public:
If it remains private, it is shrivelled as a stillborn child. One wants to get rid of it, finally, to bear it, to cease to be obsessed with it — & this can only be done if it is published & hence forgotten. So there we are. What all this waffling amounts to is that I am bloody discouraged with myself & my own ability to create living creatures on the printed page. I read Joyce Cary's _Mr. Johnson_ not long ago, & I could have wept in rage and frustration — and admiration — because he had done it. How?
Earlier that spring, Peggy had reworked _This Side Jordan_ and managed to complete three short stories, one of which, "The Merchant of Heaven," she submitted to a new Canadian literary magazine, _Prism_ , housed at the University of British Columbia. Peg told Adele that she also had ideas for at least a dozen more stories to be set in West Africa. In that letter, her determination to write is manifest, as is her anger and frustration about her current situation: "I'll do the bloody things even if no one will publish them, because it is the only pleasure in life, apart from sex and one's children. I wish to heaven I could drop the whole sorry business & become a _Good Housekeeping_ mom, complete with home-baked bread & glamour, but I can't, so why talk."
While Jack and Peggy had lived in West Africa, they usually had the customary household staff. After her return to Canada, however, the rhythm of life in West Africa was gone, and life in Vancouver was complicated by the fact that Jocelyn and David were older and needed more varied types of attention. Living in British Columbia, moreover, was proving to be expensive, and they could not afford household help. After the emotionally exhausting year of transition in 1957 with Mum's slow and painful death from cancer, Peggy felt as if everything was spinning out of control. Her ideas for stories, her revisions of _This Side Jordan_ , and her struggles with a new novel were not exhilarating but rather tormenting.
In fact, Peggy was attempting an impossible task. Like most women of her generation, she lived in a world that had very specific and widely accepted expectations for wives and mothers. Such expectations were also given prominence in magazines, films, and television. It is not surprising, therefore, that at the same time Peggy was struggling to become a fine writer, she was also making diligent efforts to be the "perfect wife and mom." She dieted rigorously to look attractive for her husband and spent time in the kitchen making home-baked bread and cookies for the children. But the days were not long enough for her to do everything. When she tried, ineffectually, to be supermom, she was anxious about the lack of time for writing. When she immersed herself in a manuscript, she felt guilty about taking time away from the children. Few, if any, male writers of that era suffered from a similar conflict, but it was not at all unusual for women writers, particularly when the budget was not adequate to hire either secretarial assistance or household help. In this regard, Peggy's brief description of herself for the contributors' page of _Prism_ is significant: "Profession: housewifery and motherhood in Vancouver; devotes much time to writing." Such a simple description belies the fact that she was deeply torn between trying to live up to her husband's (and contemporary society's) expectations of a wife and mother, and her profound belief in her vocation as a writer. That struggle between her family life and her commitment to writing remained an undercurrent throughout her years in Vancouver. Later she could look back on that struggle with perceptive self-awareness. Writing later to the poet Al Purdy, Laurence described the enormous conflict she had experienced until she finally was able to accept the fact that the "professional writer" was "the Real Me."
During the summer of 1959, however, Peggy had to face some depressing facts: the _Atlantic Monthly_ had finally turned down _This Side Jordan_ and some of her stories had been rejected by _Queen's Quarterly, Atlantic Monthly_ , and _Tamarack Review_. Although that was chiefly due to their length, she felt as if she were trapped in "a vicious circle." In addition, she was very concerned about Jack, who was not content with his job and wanted more interesting work. It was a difficult time, and Peggy wrote a long letter to Adele that was so negative and gloomy that she decided not to send it. She burned the letter instead.
The situation seems to have improved, however, because later that year "The Merchant of Heaven" was scheduled to be published in the first issue of _Prism_. While that was good news, Peggy did not consider it especially significant. _Prism_ was new; it had a small list of subscribers and an uncertain future. She and Jack made plans to take Spanish courses during the winter at the University of British Columbia in the event that he might have job prospects in South America. The house was now quieter and she could concentrate more easily since Jocelyn was in Grade Two and David was attending a co-operative playschool at the Unitarian Church. Peggy admitted that she had been tired and impatient at her young son's incessant chatter, but now that he was in playschool, she missed him. Her description of David's "world" indicates an attentive mother with insight into her young son's developing personality. She notes that David wanted only two things for his fourth birthday: "a real hand-drill and a real pipe-wrench." She commented further: "The back yard is full of his bridges, dams, irrigation systems, parking lots, etc.... He uses all the basic carpenter's tools, including saw, vice, hammer, wrench, screwdriver, drill, spanner etc. And his understanding of the ways machinery works is astounding to me. He is very aggressive and at the same time very shy, a not uncommon combination."
Peggy's letters express concern, delight, and a keen interest in her children's remarks and accomplishments, but her letters also underscore a deep anxiety. Without the household help that she had had in West Africa, and with Jack out of town on engineering projects, sometimes for weeks at a time, Peggy felt overwhelmed as she struggled with her desire to spend time with the children, the pressure of keeping up with laundry, groceries and household tasks, and the lack of time to write. This dilemma, felt by other writers and creative women in the 1950s and 1960s has been movingly described by Adrienne Rich in an essay "Anger and Tenderness."
Laurence hoped that, if some of her stories appeared in magazines or anthologies, it might pave the way for publication of a collection of her African short stories. She was eager, therefore, to have at least one short story published in Macmillan, London's, annual short-story anthology, _Winter's Tales_ , edited by Alan Maclean, but was again in a dilemma about multiple submissions and asked Adele, "Do you know for sure what the ethical and legal position is regarding sending scripts to more than one place at a time?" The stories that she wanted to submit to _Winter's Tales_ were still in the hands of editors who, she assumed, would reject them. Another difficulty that she faced was trying to retain the integrity of her work while attempting to incorporate the editors' suggestions. As letters flew between Peggy and various editors, she must have felt like Tantalus: the goal was within sight, but inevitably out of reach.
At last, in September 1959, the Canadian firm of McClelland & Stewart agreed to publish _This Side Jordan_. Their acceptance, however, was contingent upon finding an American or British firm which would co-publish. As if that were not enough to worry about, McClelland & Stewart also requested two additional copies of her manuscript. In that era before photocopy machines and computers, their request sent Peggy into a frenzy of typing: "I nearly blinded myself in the process, as I did the whole thing in 2 weeks, 300 pages.... If M & S don't find an American or British publisher, I am right back where I started."
As the year drew to a close, Peggy again faced the fact that, although she had diligently pursued her writing, often at great personal cost, the measurable results were negligible. During the past ten years only three stories and her small book of Somali translations had been published. More recently a fourth short story, "The Merchant of Heaven," for which she received twenty-five dollars, had appeared in the slender first issue of Prism. Other contributors were Dorothy Livesay McNair, Earle Birney, Alden Nowlan, Raymond Souster, and Henry Kreisel. However, wonderful consequences were to follow publication of "The Merchant of Heaven," consequences that Peggy could never have foreseen. It would soon bring her satisfying recognition from fellow Canadian writers and an important lifetime friendship with an older, respected Vancouver author, Ethel Wilson.
By December 1, 1959, her prospects for publication had improved a bit, and the prestigious firm of Macmillan, London, had offered to co-publish _This Side Jordan_. Horatio Lovat Dickson, the firm's editorial director, had spent many years in Canada and, while an undergraduate at the University of Alberta, had studied under E.K. Broadus. Dickson, familiar with Canada, was enthusiastic about Laurence's writing. She could scarcely have had a better editor. Dickson was also editor for the popular Canadian author Mazo de la Roche. Known to his friends as Rache (short for Horatio), Lovat Dickson has been described by the distinguished biographer Michael Holroyd as: "a level-headed, humourous, trustworthy man, loyal and kindly, with a genuine interest in twentieth century writing." Peggy's pleasure in the good news about Macmillan's offer was offset, however, by their stipulation that the novel be shortened. Determined to have her novel published, Peggy replied on the same day to Dickson, stating she was willing to cut ten thousand words! That grim prospect was to prove unnecessary, however. A short time later, Peggy announced that such an extensive revision would not be required. She planned instead to blue pencil the manuscript and return it to Dickson by January 7. Thus relieved from hours of manual typing, which were mentally boring and physically exhausting, Peggy may have felt delighted by Macmillan's offer to co-publish, but as she recalled all the work that she had put into innumerable revisions of _This Side Jordan_ , she probably felt weary and cautious rather than elated.
In the Laurences' social circle almost no one realized that Peggy was seriously committed to being a writer. She was known simply as the wife of a successful engineer and the mother of two attractive little children. Adele Wiseman remained the only person with whom Peggy felt free to confide her personal struggles about writing or issues around being a wife and mother. Although the two continued to correspond, Peggy did not have much time to write and her letters to Adele were often composed when she was at a particularly low point. While those letters constitute a singular record of Margaret Laurence's Vancouver period, they are by no means a complete record.
After Peggy and Jack moved from North Vancouver to the Dunbar area, they made some new friends and participated in a number of social events at their home and the homes of friends. In addition, there were meetings to attend in conjunction with the children's schooling. There are very few allusions to these friends or activities in Peggy's letters to Adele. But people who knew the Laurences at that time in Vancouver have clear recollections which help to fill out some details of Margaret Laurence's years there. This is fortunate, because those five years in Vancouver constitute a significant period in her personal life and in her development from apprentice to accomplished writer.
An early and very important literary association began there with Vancouver writer Margaret Hutchison, called "Hutch" by her friends. They were introduced in 1958 by mutual friends, Watson and Mary Thomson, who had been initiators of the Roslyn Road experiment in communal living. The year before, Hutch's first novel, _Tamarac_ , which is set in a small lumbering town in British Columbia, had been published by St. Martin's Press, New York. At the time Hutch and Peggy met, _Tamarac_ was about to be published in Canada, and Hutch was working on a second novel. She taught at Lord Kitchener School near the Laurence's home and she and Peggy discovered they had a mutual friend, Muriel Neilson (née James). Muriel, who also had been part of the Roslyn Road community in Winnipeg, had attended Peggy's wedding in Neepawa, and had corresponded with Peggy when she and Jack were in Africa. A contemporary recalls, "Muriel James Neilson was a teacher and a brilliant musician. She did all the early CBC music programs for school children and she conducted school choirs for most of her life." After moving from Winnipeg to British Columbia, Muriel had married Einar Neilson, and together they had established an extraordinary retreat, called "Leiben," on Bowen Island.
There Einar, who was skilled in woodworking, had single-handedly constructed a peeled-log chalet. He also had constructed many of its beautiful furnishings from driftwood. The Neilsons welcomed people in the arts and offered Leiben as a place where they might rest or work at their discipline. Among their many guests over the years were Malcolm and Margerie Lowry, Lister Sinclair, and Earle Birney, who wrote most of _Turvey_ there. Leiben had a stunning location overlooking the sea, and the property was covered with first-growth evergreens and giant arbutus trees.
Although Peggy did not frequent Leiben, she went there at least once with Hutch, who was also Jocelyn's, and later David's, Grade One teacher. In addition to being a writer, Margaret Hutchison was also very talented musically, and she enjoyed the arts community at Leiben.
Living in the Dunbar area, Hutch and Peggy saw each other often, since Hutch frequently stopped by to chat on her way home from school. When Jack was out of town on business, Hutch sometimes drove Peggy to a cultural evening at the Vancouver Arts Club, which had space in a former art gallery on West Pender Street. Members would go there for a lecture, an art exhibit, or simply a cup of coffee after the theatre or a movie.
Hutch describes Peggy as "very alive, vibrant, with a lot of anxiety," and she remembers dinners at the Laurences' home when Peggy often served African dishes. While Hutch and Peggy were devoted to their husbands, they were also ambitious and energetic about their writing. Both women were interested in capturing the subtleties of "family relationships, speech patterns, and idiom." Margaret Hutchison was one of the very few Canadians to whom Peggy gave a copy of her first book, _A Tree for Poverty_ , and with whom she discussed the challenges and satisfactions of translating Somali literature.
At the time the women met, Peggy was still struggling with the manuscript of _This Side Jordan_ , and it was at Hutch's suggestion that she contacted the New York agent Ruth May. Hutch remembers Peggy as "very disciplined" about her writing, "a conscientious mother and a dedicated writer."
Over the years, Peggy and Hutch would remain in touch, and she and Muriel Neilson visited Margaret when she and the children lived in Elm Cottage in Buckinghamshire. When Laurence in later years returned occasionally to Vancouver, she usually visited Margaret Hutchison. And as adults, Jocelyn and David Laurence, Hutch's former pupils, retained fond memories of their primary-school teacher, and also visited with her when they were in Vancouver.
By coincidence, Peggy met another aspiring writer, Nadine Jones, at a Vancouver book signing in 1960 for _This Side Jordan_. Nadine was about to marry a Ghanian, Kwadwo Asante, and sought advice from Peggy. The two became friends and after Laurence moved to England in 1962, they, too, corresponded. By then, Nadine, like Peggy was struggling with the conflicting roles of wife, mother, and writer. Later Nadine and Kwadwo would move to Edinburgh, where he went to study medicine; and the women, now living in Scotland and England respectively, met from time to time and continued to talk on the telephone. Nadine occasionally stayed with the children when Margaret had to go to London or Canada. When Laurence's collection of West African short stories, _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ , was published in 1963, she dedicated the book to Nadine and Kwadwo.
Another good friend and neighbour during those years in Vancouver was June Schulhof. Born in Ireland, June was married to an Austrian, Fred Schulhof. They had emigrated with their children to Canada in 1958, the year after the Laurences' return from Africa. June and Fred first met Peggy at a "Living Room Learning" group (under the auspices of the University of British Columbia) in the autumn of 1958. About eighteen people belonged to the group, which met for discussion in members' homes. Peggy and the Schulhofs were members for at least two courses: one covered "Great Religions of the World"; the other was "An Introduction to the Arts." June notes that Peggy "was mentally alive and never asked stupid questions; her comments were always pertinent," and Fred Schulhof recalls that "at times Peg had very definite opinions and made no bones about that."
Although Jack Laurence did not participate in the "Living Room Learning" group, the couples did become friends; both men were engineers and frequently played tennis together. At that time, Jack and Peggy, along with Gordon Elliott and his former student, Lino Magagna, were involved in wine-making. June recalls lots of laughs over the labels they created for their home-brewed vintages. June was delighted that Peg was a woman with whom she could discuss ideas, and fondly remembers conversations about everything "except trivia and recipes."
While living in Vancouver, Peggy and Jack also enjoyed the company of Eva and René Temple, who had arrived from Europe in the late 1950s after the Hungarian Revolution. Both couples had young children and, despite the fact that Jack and René had good jobs, there was very little money to spare since living in Vancouver was expensive. However, the couples enjoyed an occasional meal together, a movie, or, for the men, a game of tennis. Eva had found it difficult to find other Canadian women with whom she could speak openly and frankly, but she found Peggy to be an exception. "When Peg talked it was with honesty and you trusted her." Eva said that Peggy was "appealing, animated and different from other women her age. She asked questions which was very unusual at the time.... I think she was the first person who asked me pertinent questions about what went on in Europe during World War II."
Eva Temple also found that Peggy had an ability to share "interesting vignettes about her trips, about places she had been." Eva recalls that it was a pleasure to talk to Peggy "because she had seen things in minute detail and she remembered." According to Eva, Peggy was interested in everything. She wanted to understand "what made people tick." Eva was delighted to find a woman who was "interested in architecture, in wooden buildings, in movies and books, in anything beautiful." They talked a good deal about art and painting and about life in Europe. Eva realized that Peggy was politically aware and very concerned about "moral duties." Eva and René remarked that "it was the children who were most important to Peggy. She was totally devoted to them."
The Temples were also members of the Arts Club. On one occasion the club's yearly costume party centred on a Roman theme. According to the rules for that night, a person could use only one sheet and two safety pins for the costume. Jack and Peg came to the Temples' house and there tried to pin on their "Roman" robes. The Temples remember that the party and its preliminaries made for "a fun evening with plenty of laughter."
In addition to these friendships and activities with other young couples, Peggy felt fortunate to hear about the Unitarian Church in the Dunbar area of Vancouver. It was then flourishing under the dynamic leadership of Phillip Hewett, who had become pastor in the fall of 1956. Hewett recalls that, shortly after his arrival, the church was inundated by a "tidal wave of young families with children." The small wooden structure on West 10th Avenue could not handle the growing congregation, so other nearby buildings were used. Peggy and Jack and their children attended Sunday services at that church. Peggy had a wide embrace for the various ways in which people express their spirituality. After the couple's experiences in Africa, the Unitarian Church in Vancouver would have been a natural choice for them. On December 12, 1959, both Peggy and Jack formally joined the church and signed the membership register.
Pastor Hewett recalls that new members frequently came through word of mouth, attracted by the church's unique education program for children, which was "entirely different then from that of the other churches." Many academics from the University of British Columbia sent their children to the Unitarian Church school. Under Hewett's leadership the church had developed an experiential approach to religious education, which helped to augment the children's independence and enhance their respect and appreciation of world religions. The program aimed to help the children develop "a feeling of wonder and awe for all that was around them." These goals are reflected in the book used in their curriculum, _From Long Ago and Many Lands_ , which contained stories and parables from various parts of the world and from major religions, including Buddhism and the African religions.
If parents wanted to enroll their children in the religious-education program, they were required to participate in the Unitarian parents' group. One might also volunteer as a teacher, which Peggy did. Philosophical and religious discussions were part of the parents' group. Noreen Foster, who was director of religious education for many years, says that the congregation's approach was more humanist than strictly Christian. The members, for example, "struggled over how they were going to deal with Christmas in a Unitarian setting." Pastor Hewett notes that the Christian story of the birth of Jesus was put alongside miraculous birth stories of Buddha and Zoroaster.
Noreen Foster has vivid memories of Mrs. Laurence introducing matters from the King James version of the Bible in the parents' discussion group. She also recalls Peggy as a kind, quiet person who was very spiritual, a woman who listened intently, "a kind of listening with the whole body." However, she also found her to be very nervous. Sometimes when Peggy came to church-school meetings, Noreen would have to phone Jack Laurence to come and drive his wife home "because she had blinding headaches." These headaches worried Peggy, and it is difficult to know whether they were due to dieting, stress, or marital problems.
During one of the parents' meetings, Laurence notes that she was "horrified" when it was suggested that the children should not be told the Nativity story "because we knew that angels weren't actually flitting around the sky." Laurence felt that the story held "very basic truths, whatever the interpretation," and "rashly offered to try to write a version of the Nativity that would be acceptable." Since young Jocelyn and David were attending the Unitarian Sunday school, Peggy "wrote the story with both of them in mind."
A few weeks before Christmas 1959, Peggy sent Mrs. Foster a small manuscript. It was an adaptation of the traditional Christmas nativity story. Her intention in writing that story for the children was "to emphasize the aspects of the family, joy in the birth of the child, and connection with all creatures." Noreen Foster, pleased with the story, responded by writing to Peggy asking her to drop by so they might discuss it. Noreen thought that Peggy was shy and felt that contacting her by letter would be preferable to a phone call. She and Peggy approached one another quite formally because Peggy seemed somewhat nervous. Noreen Foster had no inkling that Peggy was a writer and she, therefore, offered some suggestions about the manuscript, which Peggy received favourably.
Mrs. Foster asked Peggy to tell the story to the children as part of their Christmas party that year. Peggy insisted that no adults be present other than Noreen. The children, seated on the floor, listened with "rapt attention" as she told _The Christmas_ Story. "The rich timbre of her voice and the way she told the story really gripped the children," recalls Mrs. Foster.
Peg lost the manuscript of the story, however, after she left Vancouver in 1962. Almost twenty years later, when she was living in Lakefield, Ontario, a copy would come back to her. One evening at the home of friends, Laurence met Nonie Lyon, who had also belonged to the Unitarian Church on West 10th Street in Vancouver. Nonie told Margaret that for many years she had read the story to her children at Christmas time. Margaret, pleased to have the story returned to her, made a few changes and decided to publish it. _The Christmas Story_ then appeared in the _Weekend_ magazine section of the newspaper. Later she enlisted the talented artist Helen Lucas to illustrate the hardcover edition, published by Knopf, New York, with a slightly altered title, _The Christmas Birthday Story_. Margaret described Lucas's illustrations as "joyous, beautiful, and wise." She felt that, through the illustrations, Helen Lucas had really become "coauthor" of the book. Obviously pleased with the results, Margaret sent copies of _The Christmas Birthday Story_ to Pastor Phillip Hewett and to Lovat Dickson at Macmillan. In her letter to Pastor Hewett, Laurence recalled that she wanted "to emphasize the birth of the beloved child into a loving family." "I said that Mary and Joseph didn't mind whether their baby turned out to be a boy or a girl. They just hoped their baby would be strong and healthy. After all, I myself had one of each kind, and I knew perfectly well that any mother who really wants her baby _never_ asks first 'Is it a boy or a girl?' The first question is always 'Is my baby all right?'"
Her lengthy letter to Pastor Hewett concluded: "It is with great joy and gratitude that I send you this book now. In this truly terrifying world of ours, some joyous things still do happen." Thus, by a curious coincidence, this little story written in Vancouver in 1959 became Margaret Laurence's last published work when it appeared in 1980 with its illustrations by Helen Lucas.
As 1959 drew to a close, Peggy must have been doubly grateful to work on that Christmas story for children since the year had brought her so little in terms of professional advancement or publication.
During 1960, however, the situation regarding publication of Peggy's fiction finally began to improve. In her professional correspondence she was now consistently using the signature Margaret Laurence or Mrs. Margaret Laurence, and at this point in the story of her early career, it seems appropriate to refer to her as Margaret rather than Peggy. In January, she mailed Macmillan, London, new photos of herself, done this time by a professional photographer, and substantive revisions of _This Side Jordan_ , eliminating some passages which seemed to be melodramatic. She received her first check from Macmillan for "The Perfume Sea," which they planned to publish in _Winter's Tales 6_ , the short-story annual that Alan Maclean edited for them.
The important history of this anthology is summarized in Maclean's introduction: "The main purpose in starting _Winter's Tales_ six years ago was to provide an additional outlet for the long story, whose only home for many years had been the literary magazine." He noted further that each volume of _Winter's Tales_ had been well-received and found it comforting to know "there is still a small but faithful market" for the short story in book form. Although Alan Maclean acknowledged that collections of stories were often commercially unprofitable, nevertheless he reminded readers that, in 1959, approximately _fifty short story collections had been produced by British publishers_. Maclean's comments fuelled Margaret's hope that a collection of her West African short stories would be possible.
A few months later, she was approached by Donald Stainsby, bookreview editor of the _Vancouver Sun_. He had admired her work in _Prism_ and now invited her to contribute book reviews to the paper. The salary would be ten to fifteen dollars per review. Margaret agreed. She welcomed the opportunity to read some of the latest books, looked forward to the extra income, and told Adele she intended to do a conscientious job.
By the end of April 1960, she had finished the demanding task of marking 250 end-of-term essays at UBC for Professor Elliott, and had received a cheque for another African story, "Godman's Master," which had been published in the third number of Prism. At this point Margaret significantly altered the description of herself in the "Contributors' Notes." Gone is any mention of "housewifery and motherhood in Vancouver." Now she describes herself as a writer. Readers are informed that Mrs. Laurence's short stories have previously appeared in _Story, Queen's Quarterly_ , and _Prism_. The journal also announced that Mrs. Laurence's novel, _This Side Jordan_ , was scheduled for publication in Canada, England, and the United States.
Margaret's literary momentum was threatened, however, when Sherman Baker of St. Martin's Press, New York, sent her comments from three different readers; one of whom said he had been "reasonably nauseated" by a melodramatic passage in _This Side Jordan._ Baker himself insisted on further changes in the novel. Margaret naturally was upset. Would such requests never end? How could she possibly satisfy readers at three different publishing houses? She had already spent many weeks revising _This Side Jordan_ for Macmillan and now, just when publication seemed imminent, a list of requested changes from St. Martin's sat facing her on the table.
With characteristic determination, Laurence threw herself once again into the task of revising the novel, somehow managing within a few days to make changes in at least nine chapters of _This Side Jordan:_ reworking some parts, dropping others, and tightening the sections dealing with ancient Ghana. However, she refused to alter the scene with Nathaniel's son at the end of the novel and later explained to Jack McClelland that she did not believe the ending was pat, "for Nathaniel's naïve hope that Joshua will somehow, in miraculous fashion, know how to cope with the problems of a new Africa, does not seem to me to be an easy solution, or indeed a solution at all, but I think that this is how _he_ [Joshua's father] would feel at the time."
Margaret also told McClelland she was worried that revisions at such a late date might result in publication of two different versions of _This Side Jordan_. Although Sherman Baker at St. Martin's had told her, "we intend to get behind this book," his promise had little impact on Margaret, who commented wearily to McClelland, "I don't know what he means,... I need a long holiday." McClelland, however, was reassuring and noted that two different versions were not unprecedented.
By the end of May, Margaret was relieved that both publishing houses had accepted her revisions. Perhaps the long labour had been worthwhile, for Sherman Baker now sent word that St. Martin's is "proud to publish _This Side Jordan_.... I can only assure you that in my opinion a good book has been made into a very outstanding one."
Good news continued to arrive during the next month. _Tamarack Review_ accepted her African story, "A Gourdful of Glory." This would be her first publication in that important Canadian journal. A chapter from _This Side Jordan_ was also published in _Prism_ , which now carried an impressive half-page ad for her novel, due for release that autumn. In addition, Laurence received advance royalties from both St. Martin's and Macmillan. With the royalty cheques in hand, she began to think her career as a writer might be truly launched. Within a few weeks she had finished correcting page proofs for the novel and sent them back to Macmillan. Publication was almost reality!
Two months later _This Side Jordan_ was published by Macmillan, England. Margaret had been struggling with that novel for several years. Although she had arrived in Canada with a completed second draft, it required another three years and innumerable revisions before her first novel was published. Now a copy of the book was on the way to her from England. The dedication of her first novel was revealing: "To my mother Margaret Campbell Wemyss," not "Margaret Simpson Wemyss." By leaving out "Simpson," Mum's maiden name, Margaret eliminated reference to her mother's family, and hence to Grandfather Simpson.
Copies of the dust jacket reached Canada before the book itself arrived from England, increasing Margaret's eager anticipation of the moment when she might actually hold the novel in her hands. In the meantime, British reviews of _This Side Jordan_ had been forwarded to her and she wrote to thank Lovat Dickson, commenting with pleasure on the book's jacket. Dickson forwarded her letter to his colleague Alan Maclean, who was the fiction editor, along with a note asking why _This Side Jordan_ was not being sufficiently reviewed. Maclean replied that the market was then saturated with African novels. Margaret knew nothing of their comments, however, and was, in fact, about to embark on another novel set in West Africa
Although she had worked on a "Somaliland novel" during the previous year, mentioning it in several letters to Adele Wiseman, she must have put that work aside because now she specifically mentions West Africa. It would have been impossible for Laurence to use material intended for a book set in Somaliland in another novel which would be set in semi-tropical West Africa, where the people, languages, religion, and customs were totally different. No trace remains, however, of either the Somaliland or the second West African novel.
During the autumn of 1960, Margaret roughed out ideas for that West African novel and took steps to place one of her stories in the _Paris Review_. This was not mere wishful thinking. The fiction editor of that prestigious literary journal had read one of Laurence's West African stories and expressed interest in seeing another. She then sent an important and confident letter to Jack McClelland, informing him that she had completed nine short stories set in West Africa and asking his advice about several publishing matters: how to sell her stories, the feasibility of securing an agent, reprint rights, and the publishing situation in England, the United States, and Canada. The inexperienced, discouraged apprentice of 1959 was on her way to becoming a more confident and experienced author.
Jack McClelland replied promptly to her queries and suggested a New York agent, Willis Kingsley Wing. Margaret agreed and Jack McClelland wrote Willis Wing on her behalf. This is how he described her to the literary agent: "She has a somewhat unique style, powerful, virile and vigorous — when I read it [ _This Side Jordan_ ] I found it hard to believe that the novel had been written by a woman. I'm not suggesting that she is the greatest literary discovery of the last ten years, but she is a serious writer, a writer of quality, and she tells a very good story."
McClelland also told Willis Wing, with a touch of irony, that, after McClelland and Stewart had finally worked out complex arrangements with Macmillan, England, to co-publish, they had been "inundated with translation option requests" for _This Side Jordan_. In addition, they had received letters of interest from about a dozen American publishers — all as a result of British enthusiasm! He also told Willis Wing that a shipping strike would delay release of _This Side Jordan_ in Canada since they had to wait for Macmillan's sheets to arrive from England.
In securing Willis Kingsley Wing as an agent, Laurence was joining an accomplished group of writers. Although she could not have known it at the time, her New York agent numbered among his clients bestselling authors such as Allen Drury, James Michener, Nicholas Monsarrat, and fellow Canadians, Pierre Berton, Ralph Allen, and Brian Moore.
Margaret Laurence's many achievements during 1960, however, did not lessen her anxiety about the novel she was now attempting. In letters to three different correspondents, she relates that she is trying to summon enough courage to begin work on another novel set in Africa. Here, she elaborates on her problems with it:
I know so much more clearly this time what I want to say, but of course I don't want to say it. It has to be there. But it won't be there all tidy and neatly labelled, because if it were, the people wouldn't be real. The people are very odd, in some ways. I am not quite sure what some of them will ultimately do. I think that is the hardest act of faith — to free one's characters, to allow them to act, to be, to speak and move, without manipulating them to make them fit a thesis. At the moment I am still afraid to start, in case they don't come into being as themselves and not merely projections of me. In the last analysis, whatever conscious skills one develops, it is still a process of uncertain alchemy — it either happens or it doesn't.
A few days later, Margaret was surprised by a phone call from New York. St. Martin's Press wanted her photograph "as soon as possible," because the _Saturday Review_ planned to run a favourable review of _This Side Jordan_ and her photo might be used on the cover. After receiving that call, she wrote to thank Jack McClelland for approaching Willis Wing on her behalf. Her letter is focused, specific, and confident:
I am writing to Mr.Wing today to tell him I would be glad if he would act as my agent, and I am sending him a number of short stories. I think it would be as well if he would take on the foreign rights representation of _This Side Jordan_....I would be grateful, therefore, if you would turn over the relevant correspondence to him and also send him photo copies of my three contracts.
Her letter continues on a more personal note. Aware that Jack McClelland had planned a promotional tour to Western Canada, Margaret tried to initiate a meeting with him: "I look forward to meeting you when you are in Vancouver. I don't suppose I could prevail upon you to have dinner quietly at our house one evening? I am sure you will be very busy and would probably not have the time to spare, but if you felt you could make it, we would be very pleased. I should add that we have a number of excellent homemade wines of which we are extremely proud."
McClelland replied that dinner might not be possible, but concluded on a very cordial note: "May I thank you then for your kind invitation and say that if it is possible to leave it open until after I arrive, and if it can then be managed at a time that would suit you, I can't think of anything that would please me more."
The dinner did not take place, but within a fortnight the young author and the dynamic Canadian publisher had met at a party in Vancouver. Margaret referred to that evening in her next letter, where for the first time she addressed McClelland as "Dear Jack": "I was very glad indeed to meet you at last, although a cocktail party is not the ideal place to talk with anyone. However, from a publicity point of view the whole thing seemed to go quite well, and that is the main thing."
Margaret looked forward to having an opportunity to talk with McClelland under calmer circumstances and promised that in the future she would refrain from explaining "the more obscure points of the psychology of colonization." She also congratulated him on his "tremendous job of promotion" in Vancouver, noting that "we watched you on Channel 8 TV last night, and greatly admired" the way in which he managed to mention many of his books. Margaret also told Jack McClelland that, after his visit to the city and the accompanying publicity, her phone rang steadily for several days.
When Jack McClelland replied, he apologized for not writing sooner and told Margaret he had enjoyed meeting her, adding, "You were a tremendous success at the party." He was sure that _This Side Jordan_ would get off to "a rousing start" because of the excellent impression she had made on everyone present. McClelland's enthusiasm was not singular. Although a rather negative review of _This Side Jordan_ appeared in _Canadian Literature_ , one that Margaret characterized as "vitriolic," reviews of her first novel were generally very favourable. Mary Renault, whose own novels had received much acclaim, noted in _Saturday Review_ that _This Side Jordan_ was a "first novel of rare excellence," and declared that Margaret Laurence's ear "is so good that one cannot wish it less than perfect."
Jack McClelland mentioned to Margaret that he had only recently examined finished copies of the two editions of the book and told her: "I am not well pleased with either, but what is done is done. I think the book looks fairly adequate for our market and I can certainly promise you that on subsequent books, whether we manufacture here, in the U.K., or in the U.S.A., we shall certainly insist on designing our own jacket."
When Margaret replied the next week, she asked whether McClelland had seen the reviews from England, and specifically mentioned the _New Statesman's_ review, which praised the book, and "for which one can be profoundly grateful." She may have been aware that a good review from that distinguished journal had helped to launch the literary career of her new friend, Ethel Wilson. The _New Statesman_ certainly had accolades for Laurence's novel, comparing it to the work of the prominent British novelist E.M. Forster:
[ _This Side Jordan_ is] a really excellent novel set in the Gold Coast just before it became Ghana. Its chief character, a most haunting, interesting un-hero, is Nathaniel Amegbe, schoolteacher; shabby, unimpressive, conscience-ridden; a divided man, torn between the pull of the old tribal ways he has managed to half-educate himself out of, and the Christian-commercial life of the city. Accra, incidentally, and its inhabitants could hardly I imagine be better drawn. Miss Laurence has a natural instinct for proportion; her detail is exactly enough to bring place and people most vividly to all one's senses.... Were it not for a suspiciously sunny conclusion I would have said this book had an almost Forsterian quality of understanding.
In the middle of November, six copies of _This Side Jordan_ finally arrived from Macmillan. Excitement turned to dismay, however, as Margaret unwrapped the water-damaged parcel. She sent the damaged copies of _This Side Jordan_ back to Macmillan and wrote to Alan Maclean: "I do hope you will not be irate at my returning these books, but I am sure that you will understand that I am reluctant to give to friends and devoted aunts a number of copies which look as though they have been kept in a damp basement for half a century." Returning the books was obviously the appropriate response. Why then did she use the word "irate"? The term is hardly an apt description of Alan Maclean's dealings with her to this point. In this context, "irate" seems rather to be a description of how Margaret felt. She was also very upset that Macmillan had not used the photo that she had chosen for the jacket. Although she did not mention that to Alan Maclean, she did inform Adele of her distress over the photo that they used.
Laurence's keen disappointment over the ruined copies was somewhat offset by the arrival of _Winter's Tales 6_ later that month. Aware of Alan Maclean's high standards for that annual, she was excited to see "The Perfume Sea" in company there "with the work of writers whom I admire very much." The volume's ten selections included stories by Gabriel Fielding, Liam O'Flaherty, Jean Rhys, and Muriel Spark. Laurence told Alan Maclean "there is a quality of sorcery in Muriel Spark's writing that I find irresistible; in comparison, many writers of soberly realistic prose seem very heavy footed indeed." Laurence's name appeared prominently on the cover as well as on the spine of the book; however, Jack Laurence was not at home to share his wife's good news. He had been up north, working in the Yukon for several weeks.
During that autumn, Margaret had received further promising news. The Book Society in England had selected _This Side Jordan_ for one of its October recommendations, and Macmillan wanted to include "The Perfume Sea" in a Braille edition of _Winter's Tales_. That story was also sold to the _Saturday Evening Post_ , resulting in a much wider audience for Laurence's work, as well as a handsome cheque. "The Perfume Sea," renamed by editors as "The Exiles," appeared three months later in the _Saturday Evening Post_. Despite the fact that they had also cut parts of the story, publication in the _Saturday Evening Post_ was a new and exciting opportunity for Margaret since the magazine regularly featured fiction by many first-rate writers.
At last, copies of the Canadian edition of _This Side Jordan_ arrived for distribution in Vancouver. On December 3, Margaret went to Franklin's bookshop for an autographing party and was assured that the attendance was good. Since she had not yet received her own copy of the Canadian edition, she was very relieved to see the book on display with the "right" photograph of her, rather than "the bespectacled ape-woman one," that Macmillan had used. She made plans to be at another bookshop for a signing on December 5.
Laurence's first novel was a handsome production. The attractive jacket, the heft of the novel, and the effortless turn of the pages put it worlds above _A Tree for Poverty_ (1954), a slender book with a tan cardboard cover, printed in Nairobi.
Between May and December 1960, Margaret Laurence had also been busy writing book reviews for the _Vancouver Sun_ , averaging two reviews a month. She continued to review books through March 1961, when the section was discontinued for financial reasons. Her reviews are well-written, confident in tone, thoughtful, and occasionally acerbic. They demonstrate Laurence's familiarity with a wide range of authors and works. Her concern with style is apparent. In those book reviews, Laurence uses periodic sentences, parallelism in phrasing, and witty images. The reviews are good-humoured, lively, and interesting; even today, they would be worthy of publication. Ethel Wilson, herself a consummate stylist, admired Laurence's book reviews and in a Christmas letter to her friends, Alan and Jean Crawley, she devoted an entire paragraph to praising Laurence's accomplishments: "I admire Margaret Laurence's _This Side Jordan_ enormously.... Simply, she _is_ a writer. Whether she will find her material here difficult and arid, I don't know. I hope she will not be chiefly _an excellent reviewer_ [emphasis added]. I think she's far beyond our average novelists.
During that December, Laurence had been working ambitiously on her next novel, which would become _The Stone Angel_. She told Jack McClelland quite frankly that she thought it "a very good story," adding, "but I have no way of knowing at this point whether I will be able to tell it properly or not. This time I am determined to know a little more clearly where I'm going before I start," she said, referring to the false starts and many revisions of _This Side Jordan_.
Margaret's tumultuous inner state during the Vancouver period may have formed the basis for one of her finest stories, "Godman's Master," published in spring 1960. That story frequently has been interpreted as a parable about the nations of Africa emerging from colonial control. But "Godman's Master" may appropriately be viewed as an expression of Laurence's own personal concerns. Godman Pira is a dwarf, one of the _pirafo_ , who formerly had been court jesters to the kings of the Ashanti. In Laurence's story, Godman has been kept in a box by his master, Faru. One day he is able to make his escape through the kindness of Moses, a young African who has returned from studying in England.
Although Godman had yearned for his freedom, he believes he is incapable of living on his own in the world and insists on living with Moses as a sort of houseboy. He is sure that he needs Moses's protection in order to survive. But as the story draws to its conclusion, Godman Pira has become more independent. He no longer needs the protection of Moses, and he leaves him to join a circus, where he will make a life for himself among the other performers and musicians. Godman's last words in the story might fittingly have been uttered by Margaret herself at that point in her life. They are also echoed by Stacey, the central character in Laurence's Vancouver novel, _The Fire-Dwellers_ (1969): "I have known the worst and the worst and the worst, and yet I live. I fear and fear, and yet I live." With Moses looking on, the circus musicians take up their instruments and begin to play. As their notes sound, Godman Pira waves goodbye to Moses, hops onto the stage, and takes his place beside the other performers.
This moving story about freedom and friendship is set in Africa, but it probably serves as the externalized expression of Margaret's own feelings about her life at that period, her feelings of being trapped in Vancouver as both wife and mother at a time when Jack's expectations for her as the wife of a civil engineer clashed with her own deep need to give expression to her considerable talents as writer. On the other hand, it would not be unfair to say "Poor Jack." How could he have suspected that the young, inexperienced collegian from Neepawa whom he had married in 1947 would develop into a serious writer with great gifts and a passion for writing?
Jack had seen his mother, who was also a writer, produce short stories, a novel, and poems. Although her first novel was published before her marriage, she had since published a collection of her poems, _The Band Plays a March_ (1936), illustrated with fine linoleum cuts by her sister, Bessie A. Fry, who was an artist. In addition, two chapbooks of Elsie's poems were published by Ryerson Press, and several of her short stories had appeared in various magazines, including _Chatelaine._ Nevertheless, Elsie Laurence had remained a traditional and dutiful wife, raising six children and putting aside her literary gift or hiding it when it displeased her husband. Moreover Jack Laurence knew that his father had been jealous of Elsie's writing. It seems there had even been a day when his father had insisted Elsie destroy some of her work. In the light of his mother's acquiescence, how could Jack have suspected that the young woman who became his wife would have such a strong belief in her vocation and a need to write so great that quite literally Margaret could not survive without writing.
In 1957, when Peggy arrived in Vancouver from Africa, there were a number of writers living there; among them the attorney William C. McConnell, and his wife, Alice, who together had launched a very fine small publishing house, Klanak Press (1958-1979). Other writers in the area included: Bob Harlow, then with the CBC, Ethel Wilson, Earle Birney, Roderick Haig-Brown, Gordon Woodward (Margaret Hutchison's husband), and poets such as Anne Wilkinson, Anne Marriott, and P.K.Page. It was not precisely what one might call a literary community, but there were opportunities to meet other writers in the late 1950s. Gradually, Peggy became acquainted with some of them.
One New Year's eve, Margaret Hutchison ("Hutch") invited Peggy and Jack to a party at her home. That evening she introduced Peggy to Alice Munro, then living with her husband, Jim, and two little children in West Vancouver. Alice Munro remembers that Laurence was wearing an attractive dress at the party and had a very good figure. "She looked like a successful engineer's good-looking wife," Munro recalls. "She was terribly nice to me. And fun. We talked and laughed and had a good time. I can remember just having a wonderful time with her the first time I met her."
Both women were shy and dedicated to the craft of fiction and to developing their literary gifts. They were also struggling with concurrent responsibilities as housewives and mothers of young children. Neither woman had household help and neither was really connected to the academic community at the University of British Columbia, where Earle Birney had begun to influence a new generation of writers. Although circumstances were such that Laurence and Munro were not able to meet often, Peg did invite Alice to her home at least once, where they talked about housework, the children, writing, and how each was trying to manage.
The two women also met on several other occasions, once by coincidence at a Tattoo in Stanley Park. Although Munro had actually published more fiction than Laurence, she considered Margaret to be a more accomplished writer and a more experienced person. Recalling that time, Alice Munro remembers Laurence as vivacious and a good listener. "She was lively and funny. Her wit was the wit that was familiar to me: the wit between women who had been friends at college." Margaret Laurence often called her women friends "kid" or "kiddo," which harked back to college slang. There was a way that women talked to each other, explains Munro, which was not the way they talked in front of men. There was "a kind of jokey irreverence that went side by side with this trying very hard to do the right thing, but at the same time not let it absorb your soul."
Munro notes that "Margaret was like a friend I would have met and really liked at college, with that subversive kind of intelligence that is, nevertheless, operating within the framework of what's acceptable, which was the smart thing to do." If Margaret had been more Bohemian, Alice would have been "frightened" and uncomfortable. She found Margaret Laurence to be an interesting conversationalist and "a nice comfortable person to be with." Munro clarifies further, "Not that Margaret was a conventional person, but she was sort of conventionally attractive and charming. She was intelligent and lively, and dressed very well. Most people would have been comfortable with her. She was not a person who demanded that people adjust to her."
In late 1959, after publication of "The Merchant of Heaven," other doors in the literary community opened to Margaret. When the second volume of _Prism_ appeared early in 1960, it included nine letters from readers to the editors of the new journal. In those letters, Margaret Laurence is mentioned more frequently than any other contributor. Comments from the distinguished Vancouver writer Ethel Wilson were prized by Margaret, but she was also especially heartened by accolades from two other established and respected writers: Roderick Haig-Brown and William C. McConnell.
In her letter to _Prism_ , Ethel Wilson singled out stories by Henry Kreisel and Margaret Laurence, calling them "excellent" and "a milestone in the crucible of Canadian short stories." Wilson said, "The Merchant of Heaven" was a good story, well-told and "developed in depth with natural unobtrusive skill." Roderick Haig-Brown called it "a particularly fine piece of work. Finished, sensitive, vivid, and full of meaning. Every point is made with a subtlety and naturalness that make the whole a very powerful and moving piece." And, referring to "The Merchant of Heaven," McConnell wrote: "I particularly liked Margaret Laurence's story. If she can maintain a style like this in other stories, she's going to go far." How refreshing such praise must have been to Laurence, who had been grappling with readers' comments and the demands of various editors throughout 1958 and 1959.
She was invited to join a creative-writing group that met at various members' homes in the city. Among the members were Bill and Alice McConnell. Not only were they the busy owners of Klanak Press, but they also had an important role in that group of writers. According to Bill McConnell, membership was fluid and required no formality beyond the writing of prose or poetry and the sponsorship of a de facto member (which was not lightly offered): "Margaret fitted in beautifully. She was not too vocal, though she did read some drafts of her stories." He remembers two or three meetings at the Laurences' home, where he met Jack Laurence, whom he liked. McConnell enjoyed Jack's outgoing personality and recalls, "He was interested in people and places. More places than people."
According to McConnell, Margaret gave the impression of being a strong-willed person. She was not a writer, he said, who lived in a bygone era, but rather was very aware of current social and political matters. He found Margaret eager for conversation and for opportunities to expand her intellectual horizons. She had "a very strong face. A lovely face. And a marvellous, resonant laugh. Her laughter was wonderful." One night at a lecture given by Marshall McLuhan, Margaret laughed uproariously when Leonard Marsh, finding the discourse incomprehensible at the end of an hour, got up muttering under his breath and walked out. Bill McConnell also remembers this about Laurence:
Marg (some called her Peggy) was an avid listener. She was eager to hear technical discussion of both prose and poetry read aloud by the group. Highly intense, somewhat camouflaged by a seeming outer self-control but betrayed by her chain smoking. A keen observer, she had a prismatic memory which made her depiction of both character and place sharp and exact. Though not reluctant to comment on the work of others, it was devoid of any trace of malice yet sharp and precise as to what she considered weaknesses."
McConnell describes Margaret as "sandy," by which he means there was no slippage between her honest self-evaluation and the person she really was. After Bill and Alice McConnell first met Margaret Laurence, Alice remarked: "You can expect good things from her without the worry of what it will cost others." In their opinion,
Margaret had no pretensions, realized she had to learn her craft thoroughly, that there were no shortcuts and then one could tiptoe into the kingdom of the imagination.... Her subsequent work did not disabuse our appraisal, though we were often wrong about some other developing writers. And unlike a few of her contemporaries, Margaret never pretended to be an expert at anything except what she believed to be an honest piece of writing.
McConnell introduced Margaret Laurence to Earle Birney, who had been a member of the group, but was now starting his own creative-writing group in conjunction with his position on the faculty at the University of British Columbia. Not only was Bill McConnell busy with his own law practice, the older writing group, and Klanak Press, he was also one of the founders of _Prism_.
Meeting the McConnells and other members of that writers' group was important to Margaret Laurence, but there is no doubt that the most powerful literary and personal association during her Vancouver years was with the distinguished novelist and short-story writer, Ethel Wilson, then in her early seventies. As the wife of Wallace Wilson, a prominent and well-liked physician, Ethel had had many social responsibilities over the years. She had given priority to Wallace's career and to entertaining graciously his colleagues and their wives. Mrs. Wilson was fortunate, however, because Wallace had the financial means to employ household help. Her husband, while tolerant and generally supportive of Ethel's writing, was said to be "essentially clueless" about that aspect of his wife's life. The Wilsons had no children and occasionally travelled together in Europe as well as Canada. When Margaret Laurence met Ethel Wilson, the latter had been writing for years, her literary talent developed, as the scholar and biographer David Stouck notes, by diligent practice and a long apprenticeship. Although the Wilsons had enjoyed their summer cottage on Bowen Island for many years and had frequently gone trout fishing together in British Columbia, that early physical energy was gone by the time Margaret met Mrs.Wilson.
Ethel Wilson's demeanour reminded one of a proper English matron — a woman who was comfortable in the world of culture and manners, a woman who knew how high tea should be served. Yet Ethel Wilson also had real intellectual vigour as well as a roguish side. These qualities, combined with an honesty and directness in conversation, indicated there was more depth to the aging matron than might appear at first glance.
Alice Munro, who then lived in Vancouver, recalls Ethel Wilson as "an eminence." Another person states, "Although she was very dignified — I always think of Ethel as pouring tea with the finest of china and the finest of silver — she could surprise you with her wonderful sense of humour."
While Margaret was undoubtedly in awe of Ethel Wilson's literary accomplishments, they quickly became friends. Both of them had lived in Africa and Margaret noticed the camel-bell in the Wilson's home; she also had one in her own home. Despite the difference in age, the two women had much in common. Each was tall, with a clear gaze and a good sense of humour. They shared other traits: a passion for writing; an appreciation of the finest in literature; an absorbing intellectual curiosity; a fascination with language; a natural shyness; an abiding love for Canada; quick wit; and an enjoyment of cigarettes and a cocktail before dinner. By a curious coincidence, both women were orphans, having lost their mothers at an early age and their fathers by the age of nine. Both had been raised by strict relatives. And both women had known fear and loneliness.
Ethel Wilson's fiction was first published in the _New Statesman_ before the outbreak of the Second World War. At its best, the tone of her fiction is brilliant and defies imitation. Under the apparently simple surface of her short stories and novels lies a remarkable understanding of the human condition, which would have appealed to Laurence. The writer and translator Joyce Marshall notes that Ethel Wilson "wrote of the human heart and human entanglements," and praises her as "a fine writer of great individuality, the first Canadian writer of my acquaintance who did something quite idiosyncratic and even unique with the English sentence."
After Margaret left Vancouver in 1962, she and Ethel Wilson corresponded for a number of years. At least fifty of Wilson's letters to Margaret Laurence are in the archives at York University, although Margaret's letters to her seem to have been lost or destroyed. When Ethel Wilson died in 1980, a tribute broadcast on the CBC included remarks by Margaret Laurence. In addition, Margaret wrote a tribute that was published in the _Vancouver Sun_. Laurence recounted their friendship, which had its beginnings after Ethel Wilson wrote to _Prism_ praising "The Merchant of Heaven." As a result, Laurence wrote to thank Wilson, who then invited Margaret to tea at her apartment on Kensington Place overlooking English Bay. "Thus began a friendship," said Margaret, "that I valued more than I can say. I was starved for the company of other writers, and here was an older fiction writer whose work I admired so much, taking the time to talk with and encourage a young and unknown writer."
Although Margaret was neither living nor writing in great isolation, her remarks make clear that Ethel Wilson's interest and concern had made a deep impression on her, giving Margaret a sense that someone did understand. "There's no question," says Laurence, "that I would have gone on writing, but she provided me with an enormous amount of encouragement. I owe her a great, great deal. There is no way that I can ever repay her personally. The only thing I can do is pass it on."
After her first visit with Mrs. Wilson (for Margaret did not address her as Ethel for many years), Laurence visited her from time to time:
and grew to love and admire her just as I had long loved and admired her writing. She once said to me shortly before I left Vancouver and embarked on a new kind of life (and I can see the room now, the Wilsons' dining room and myself and Mrs. Wilson sitting down to lunch in a rather formal way, and yet her warmth taking away any of my sense of gaucherie), "There is a fountain in you. It will well up." That was not only the most encouraging thing that had ever been said to me; it was also like a kind of responsibility, a trust. I owe her such a lot.
During the Vancouver Book Fair in 1961, an "Evening with Ethel Wilson" celebration was held. That night in her speech, Ethel Wilson praised _This Side Jordan_ , calling it a warm, urgent, "and beautifully written novel of power and understanding."
Margaret appreciated that encomium and, after leaving Vancouver, she treasured their subsequent correspondence. "Her letters, even when she was ill and mourning her husband's death, never failed to encourage me and to help me believe in myself. I owe her a great debt, which I can only repay by trying to encourage writers younger than myself, in whom I have the same kind of faith as she had in me."
By September 1960, the Laurences' financial situation in Vancouver must have improved. Jack has fond memories of driving about in his large white Jaguar, although it was not brand new. The Laurences also purchased a small vacation place on the western side of Point Roberts, in the State of Washington, for the sum of fourteen hundred and fifty dollars. Point Roberts, a peninsula, belongs to the United States as the result of a rather anomalous historical boundary settlement; its latitude, however, actually places it between Victoria and Nanaimo (on Vancouver Island). Point Roberts, with an area of about ten square miles, was an attractive summer spot for some Vancouverites, but its permanent population was less than five hundred. There is little about Point Roberts in Margaret's letters, but some of her relatives and neighbours recall her there. And it was at the Laurences' cottage at Point Roberts that Margaret Laurence wrote a good deal of _The Stone Angel._
One approach to Point Roberts by car would have taken Margaret across wide stretches of low-lying fields and active farms, with an open horizon reminiscent of a prairie vista. The Laurences' small lot, located on Park Lane, an unpaved road, was surrounded by large fir trees and cedars. Their neighbour's lot had the biggest Sitka Spruce on the point. A path through the woods led Park Lane cottagers to Gulf Road, where there was a general store, a small post office, a liquor store, and a roadhouse, which had formerly been a cannery. The Laurences' cottage was surrounded by trees and set back from the road. Like many other summer places, it lacked running water and electricity. Jack did a lot of work on the cottage, putting on cedar shakes and doing interior restoration as well. The most attractive feature of the cottage was a large split-granite fireplace with a raised hearth on the south corner of the west wall. The fireplace and other features of the site must have reminded Margaret of those magic childhood summers in Manitoba at her family's cottage amid the trees overlooking Clear Lake in Riding Mountain National Park.
The Laurences sometimes went to Point Roberts as a family, but Margaret herself valued the simple cottage chiefly as a place where she might go from time to time in order to write. June Schulhof remembers seeing in the cottage a large paper kite of an owl that Margaret especially liked. Helen Bazaluk and her husband, Pete, lived in a log cabin next door (no longer standing). Thinking that Margaret might be lonely, Helen made a point of watching for her to come out of the cabin to use the outhouse. Helen would then invite her in, but Margaret explained she was writing and made clear to Helen that she didn't want to be disturbed.
Not only was the small, quiet community at Point Roberts conducive to writing, its rural environment held great interest. Around the peninsula there are wonderful tidal pools alive with small fish, crab, and purple starfish. Sea anemones, exposed at low tide, hang on the sides of immense barnacled rocks. From spring to late fall, the waters off Point Roberts were then bustling with seine boats, gill-netters, and reef-net boats. At night, when the boats were at anchor, the water, dotted with lights, "looked like a village on the sea." The coasts of Point Roberts to the west and south are situated on the cold waters of the Gulf of Georgia, but the eastern side faces Boundary Bay where there are sand dunes and a lovely beach. Sandbars stretch far out into the bay and the shallower warm water makes it attractive for swimming. Boundary Bay probably reminded Margaret of happier days on the coast at Accra and Tema in West Africa.
From the Laurences' cottage, Margaret could reach Boundary Bay by walking along the old Atlanta Packers' dirt road, which for years had been the approach to the cannery at Lily Point, located on the east side of the peninsula. As Margaret came nearer to the bay, she passed a very old cemetery on the right, with headstones bearing names such as Gudmundson, Hjalmarson, and Thordarson. Then, she would have entered a thickly wooded area for a short walk to the top of a high bluff, from which there are splendid views of Boundary Bay. Across the water to the east, even in summer, one can see the awesome, snow-capped peak of Mount Baker. The trail from the tall bluffs to the beach descends steeply, meandering under a canopy of mature maple trees. A person has to step over exposed roots and duck under fallen trees in order to reach the base of the cliff and what remains of the old APA cannery. There is a sense of solitude and peace at the APA site, from which no dwellings are visible and the beach follows a little natural bay. It is that cannery at Lily Point which figures so significantly in _The Stone Angel_ , a fact that Laurence was pleased to share with fellow writer and friend Silver Donald Cameron, who knew the area, having spent summers at Point Roberts during his youth.
Driving back to Vancouver from Point Roberts, cars climb from the low-lying area near the sea to a much higher border checkpoint for Customs. Then the road descends steeply to the plain below, while in the distance to the northeast a ridge of black jagged mountain peaks scripts the horizon: Grouse Mountain, the brooding, inescapable presence over Vancouver. The geographical situation of that city is the very antithesis of the fog-free Manitoba prairie where blue skies open to the heavens and the distant horizon seems to stretch forever. The rugged geography and changing climate of Vancouver call forth enormously varied responses in individuals. Ethel Wilson and her husband owned a cabin on Bowen Island and she felt deeply attached to Vancouver and to the province of British Columbia. Friends of the Laurences, such as the Schulhofs, loved the area. June, who was born and raised in Ireland, enjoyed Vancouver's climate and found it familiar. Her husband, an Austrian, was attracted to its snow-covered mountains and the prospects for skiing. Both felt at home in Vancouver and "fell in love with the place." That did not happen to Margaret Laurence. She never felt comfortable in Vancouver, where the hovering dark mountains seemed to push the land into the mighty Pacific, and the unpredictable fog rolled in and out. In Vancouver, Margaret did not hear Eliot's "mermaids singing, each to each." She found the oppressive aspects of the place too much in tune with her own worries and discouragement.
#### 1961
In the autumn of 1960, Laurence informed her agent, Willis Wing, that she had completed nine short stories set in West Africa and asked him if they might be published as a collection. His reply, which echoed Whit Burnett's earlier response, was not encouraging: "For the present it is true and is likely to remain so that the short story collection is not nearly as welcome nor as easy to publish with all success as is the novel." That view, however, was not shared by Alan Maclean at Macmillan, London, who five years before had inaugurated their short-story annual, _Winter's Tales_. In his introduction to that volume, Maclean noted that, although collections of stories are generally commercially unprofitable to both author and publisher, nevertheless, approximately fifty collections of stories had been produced by British publishers in 1959. Margaret Laurence was encouraged by Maclean's comments, despite her agent's reluctance. Her desire to have a collection of her stories published was further strengthened by the appearance of _Mrs.Golightly and Other Stories_ , a collection by Ethel Wilson, and by favourable reviews of _Canadian Short Stories_ , edited by Robert Weaver.
During January 1961, Margaret was paid twelve hundred and fifty dollars by the _Saturday Evening Post_ for "Voices of Adamo." It was an astonishing jump from the fee of twenty-five dollars that _Prism_ had paid for one of her stories only two years before. Of course, such a large sum could only be paid by magazines that had a sizable circulation; certainly not by the smaller Canadian literary journals. At that time, the _Saturday Evening Post_ regularly carried fiction by major writers and it was a milestone for Margaret Laurence to have her work appear there. Ethel Wilson was delighted to see Laurence's story published in the _Saturday Evening Post_ and told her friends the Crawleys that Laurence was "a good writer who doesn't follow anyone's creative lead.... She is self-critical & not self-important."
That January favourable reviews of _This Side Jordan_ appeared in the _New York Herald Tribune_ and in _The New Yorker._ Such publicity in the United States was heartening, although at that moment Margaret was dealing with the challenges of writing another novel. She had recently reminded her agent that she had wasted an enormous amount of effort in writing sections of _This Side Jordan_ that subsequently had to be discarded. She explained, "I am not a very speedy writer and I re-write a great deal." She then sketched out for him her ambitious literary plans: she intended to write a book chronicling her personal experiences in the British Somaliland Protectorate; complete a series of short stories; and work on one more novel set in West Africa: "If I can bring it off (and this is always a frightening question), it will, I think, be a better novel than the first." Laurence did, in fact, embark on all three projects. As time passed, however, the new West African novel gave her considerable trouble and she decided to abandon it.
By October 1961, she was struggling with a different sort of novel — one set in Canada. She had almost finished the first draft and told Adele, "although it needs a lot more work, I can see now the shape of it." The novel that she had begun to set down was to become _The Stone Angel_ , the first of Laurence's Manawaka books (1964) and a major literary accomplishment for her.
As she worked on the manuscript in 1961, however, she encountered many problems, some of which she described to Adele: "It's difficult, I find, to maintain any sort of faith in oneself. I haven't got an ounce of it myself, for all the way in which I write to you. Maybe I'm hoping to convince myself as well as you. I fluctuate between extremes re. this novel, & may yet become a manic-depressive."
The letter reveals a good deal about a phenomenon that often beset Laurence, and, indeed, plagues many authors: when writers are struggling with a new book, they are unable to feel elated or even reassured by their previous successes and see only the abyss that the new work represents.
Letters between Laurence and her editors reviewed the issue of the novel's title. At first _Hagar_ seemed to be agreed on, but after many letters back and forth Margaret changed it to _The Stone Angel_. That change resulted in an improvement in Macmillan's cover design. They had actually printed a provisional cover in black, pink, and white, which was then discarded.
When Margaret later talked about the genesis of _The Stone Angel_ , she often stated that the process had been fairly simple; she had written it in "a kind of single-minded burst of activity." Its central character, Hagar Shipley, seemed to tell her story directly to Laurence. However, that account is not supported by her contemporary correspondence. In letters written while she was wrestling with _The Stone Angel_ , a very different picture emerges. She recounted many periods of difficulty and uncertainty. She anticipated pitfalls. She worried that _The Stone Angel_ was written too simply and directly, in a style that was "perhaps almost archaic now." She felt that the book could be called "unsophisticated," but at the same time she realized that what she was trying to imply in the novel "isn't really simple at all." Margaret's struggles and anxieties are rampant in a seven-page, handwritten letter sent to Adele Wiseman early the same month. Reporting that she was "absorbed to a total degree by this damn novel," Margaret apologized for not keeping in touch and shared her profound uncertainties about her novel with Adele.
Laurence, however, did not mention those anxieties when she was later interviewed. After the _The Stone Angel_ was finally completed, she seemed to recall its composition as something akin to automatic writing. That feeling was probably due more to the forcefulness of Hagar's character than to the accuracy of Laurence's memory. It may well be that when the breakthrough with _The Stone Angel_ finally came, the release was powerful enough to overshadow all the earlier false starts and uncertainties, or it may be that, after spending months reshaping and editing _This Side Jordan_ , Margaret Laurence's second novel indeed felt like a gift from the gods. With regard to _The Stone Angel_ , she remembered the gift, not the struggle.
In a letter to Adele that autumn she brought up a significant point about her work: "Kind friends & acquaintances still say from time to time very peculiar things such as 'how does it feel to be a successful writer?' and I look at them oddly as though they were speaking to me in Hindustani. I feel I haven't really learned a thing about writing except that no one really knows what is good & what is bad. So you might as well write to please yourself & not worry about anything else."
Here Laurence identifies the demon with which she was struggling. Writing to satisfy herself, trusting her own judgement about her work — that was the single most important thing she had to learn. In order to succeed with her writing, Margaret Laurence had to relinquish turning for literary approval to others: whether her agent, her editors, or her husband, Jack.
As she concluded that letter, Margaret tried to shift the focus away from her personal struggles and convey some family news to Adele: "I never seem to talk of the external world in my letters to you, possibly because I know very few people to whom I can talk about the interior battles, so you get it all. Sorry. Anyway, we are all quite well. The kids are fine."
David was in Grade One and happy to be learning to read. Jocelyn, in Grade Four, was busy with her Brownie troop, piano lessons, and dancing. Laurence also offered a brief update on Jack and herself:
Jack & I are having a lot of fun lately making wine from real grapes, with the help of an Italian friend. I'm still marking essays, doing about 4 book reviews a month, & this year (don't faint) I'm teaching Sunday School in the Unitarian Church. Sometimes I feel I have too much to do, but I guess I don't really. Jack finds his job very interesting still & always has too much to do, but in general we both feel quite happy here now, if it weren't for the very-present threat of fallout, bombs, etc. Please write etc.
"The very-present threat" of nuclear fallout or nuclear bombs formed the background of Margaret's years in Vancouver. For her it remained a jarring fact of life after returning from completely different concerns in the Gold Coast on the eve of its independence from Great Britain. Margaret's worries about the danger of nuclear fallout, however, may not have been shared to the same degree then by Adele or other friends. For it was on the West Coast, particularly in places such as Vancouver, that proximity to nuclear test sites in the Pacific, Cold War threats of a nuclear "standoff" between the United States and the Soviet Union, as well as health hazards from the Hanford nuclear reactor in nearby Washington State combined to create in citizens a state of awareness and alarm that was much more immediate than in many other parts of North America.
In 1959, a film version of Nevil Shute's novel _On the Beach_ (1957) had begun showing in cinemas. The grim plot focused on how the world ends after a nuclear war. That same year the "Women's Committee on Radiation Hazards" was formed in Vancouver. Members, particularly mothers, undertook to investigate and alert citizens to the hazards that could result from nuclear testing, particularly cancer and congenital or developmental defects in children.
Newspapers the following year did not allay people's fears, as summit talks between the U.S. President Eisenhower and Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev were "near collapse." The papers announced: "Nuclear War Seen If Arms Talks Fail"; "U.S. Blasts Rocket 9,000 miles"; "Russian Scientific Bases Drift In and Out of the Canadian Arctic" (supplied by air power). In British Columbia, the provincial secretary Wesley Black declared, "Every householder should build a basement bomb shelter. "And the city of New Westminster, B.C. became the first in the Lower Mainland to provide a fallout shelter for civic government.
In the United States, the American artist Georgia O'Keeffe had a bomb shelter built into a hillside near her home in New Mexico. And in England there was an unprecedented turnout for a great sit-down protest in Trafalgar Square in September 1961. At one point, the renowned artist Augustus John, "an old man, who had been, and was, very ill... emerged from the National Gallery, walked into the Square and sat down."
In some churches in British Columbia, members formed groups to express distress over the arms race and nuclear testing and to "promote better understanding between the people of the world." Those efforts gave rise to the "Voice of Women," an important group founded in Vancouver in 1960 after the collapse of the summit talks in Geneva, Switzerland. In Vancouver, members were now collecting babies' teeth to have them tested for Strontium 90. Margaret Laurence had friends who were active in Voice of Women, but it is not clear whether she joined the group then, although she was sympathetic to their concerns. Anxieties about the nuclear arms race are prominent in her novel _The Fire-Dwellers_ , which is set in Vancouver.
Laurence was deeply committed to efforts which promoted world peace and said "no" to nuclear arms. Years later when she had moved to Ontario, she continued to be publicly outspoken about the arms race and the danger of a nuclear disaster. By then she was very well-known, and her public statements warning of the dangers of the nuclear buildup have been described by the prominent educator Dr. Margaret Fulton as "courageous."
While living in Vancouver, Margaret did collect money for the Red Cross one day a year. She related the following anecdote to some old friends. Once she had encountered an "elderly maiden who took me inside her gloomy Edwardian living room to show me her cannibal goldfish — as soon as another goldfish was put in the glass tank with it, the cannibal at once devoured its playmate. The old girl told me she had to quit putting in other fish, as they were too expensive and she could no longer afford it!" The scene was not forgotten, however, and a much transformed version of it appears in Laurence's novel _The Fire-Dwellers_. __
In March 1961 the Laurences' friends June and Fred Schulhof returned to Vancouver. They had gone back to Ireland the previous July with the intention of staying, but soon changed their minds and decided to remain permanently in Canada. Upon their return, the Schulhofs were met at the airport by Jack, Margaret, and Gordon Elliott. Margaret and Jack offered to take the two older boys, while the Schulhofs with their younger children searched for a house. Mark and Stefan Schulhof stayed with the Laurences for about six weeks. So, for a while, Margaret, like Stacey in _The Fire-Dwellers_ , had the experience of being parent to four children. During those weeks, June Schulhof became aware that Margaret was trying to write and was very grateful that, under such circumstances, Margaret had offered to take her two sons. As a consequence, June stopped by often in order to help Margaret with the laundry and household chores. In doing so, she became aware of how necessary writing was to Margaret's well-being. At last, the Schulhofs found a house about a block from Margaret and Jack in the Dunbar area and settled there, and the couples continued their friendship.
That spring, Margaret was delighted to hear that Adele Wiseman's plans for a trip to China had been finalized. In June, Adele sailed for the Far East from Brooklyn, New York, on board the _Demosthenes D_ , a Greek ship registered in Monrovia. A distinct difference was becoming apparent, however, between the two women in terms of publication. Although they continued to remain strongly supportive of each other's efforts, Adele's early success with _The Sacrifice_ had not been followed by other publications, while Margaret's work was steadily growing in volume as well as number of acceptances.
During autumn 1961, Laurence went to Toronto to receive the Beta Sigma Phi award for the best "first" novel by a Canadian ( _This Side Jordan_ ), given at the Canadian Authors' Association awards dinner. She was also awarded the President's Medal from the University of Western Ontario for the best Canadian short story of 1960 ("A Gourdful of Glory"). In addition, there was good news from _Prism;_ they were ready to publish another of her stories, "The Tomorrow-Tamer."
That autumn, Laurence and other Vancouverites rejoiced in the news that Ethel Wilson, Lawren Harris, and several others would receive the new "Canada Council Medals" and a monetary award of two thousand dollars each for making major contributions in the arts, humanities, or social sciences. The awards were presented on the opening day of the city of Vancouver's first book fair. Margaret probably attended in order to hear speeches by John Gray of Macmillan, Canada; Donald Stainsby, columnist for the _Vancouver Sun;_ and her friend and award recipient, Ethel Wilson. Further recognition of the importance of literary contributions to the cultural life of Canada was emphasized during the book fair, which ran from November 10 to 18 and had a great deal of publicity in the local papers. A lengthy article in the _Vancouver Sun_ featured photos of three Vancouver writers. There Margaret Laurence's picture appeared beside that of fellow Vancouver writer Roderick Haig-Brown and the celebrated Ethel Wilson. During the week, events were planned for a variety of locations and Laurence was scheduled to speak at the YWCA. Although there seems to be no written account of Laurence's response to the publicity, surely after her unceasing literary toil during the previous four years, she would have been thrilled to see her photo in the _Vancouver Sun_ beside those of accomplished writers whom she admired. Such public recognition of her literary accomplishment must have been a real surprise to Laurence. But was it enough to put her fears and anxieties to rest?
She persevered with the demanding schedule she had set for herself, and by the end of December 1961 had completed six of fifteen projected chapters of her travel memoir, _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , as well as the first draft of _The Stone Angel_. She made a significant decision, however, to put the draft of the novel aside so that later she could return to it with a fresh eye.
About this time, Laurence learned of unacknowledged "borrowings" of her Somali translations by Danish writer John Bucholzer. She was shocked to learn that his book, _The Horn of Africa_ , contained sections from _A Tree for Poverty_ , which he had "passed off as his own." After obtaining a copy of his book, she was very annoyed to find it conveyed the impression that direct translations are rather easy — a person simply sits around the campfire and jots down notes. But Margaret was much more angry about the fact that Bucholzer had taken whole paragraphs and sections directly from her introduction to _A Tree for Poverty_ , "and all my conclusions and ideas about Somali literature were presented as his own — and in my words!" She contacted her agent, Willis Wing, giving him the details about Bucholzer's plagiarism. Although she did not intend to pursue the matter through legal channels, she "wanted to let Mr. Bucholzer know that I resented somewhat the fact that if I ever wrote a book on Somaliland and used material from my earlier essay on Somali poetry and folk-tales, it might appear that I was plagiarizing [him] when, in fact, I was quoting myself."
Margaret's restrained letter to Willis Wing belies the fact that she was deeply upset and very angry. Four months later, she again referred to the plagiarism, telling Mr.Wing she had heard that several people in London who were involved in the study of African languages were also "most annoyed at John Bucholzer's unacknowledged borrowing of the material in _A Tree for Poverty_." __
His publisher sent back word that Bucholzer was currently in Tierra del Fuego and unavailable for comment. The matter was not entirely laid to rest, however. Twenty years later Laurence was reminded of the episode and wrote to her friend, the Canadian scholar Clara Thomas, summarizing what had happened and remarking that she would have liked to tell Karen Blixen, the Danish author whose pseudonym was Isak Dinesen, that the translations which she referred to in _Shadows in the Grass_ "were not Bucholzer's, but mine, done with a hell of a lot of help from Somali friends."
Four years later, while composing her memoirs, Laurence again became so distressed by the memory of Bucholzer's plagiarism that she filled one side of an audio tape (forty-five minutes) with comments about it. Joan Johnston, the friend who had transcribed the tapes during Laurence's final months, reports that Margaret later instructed her not to include those comments in the transcript and to erase the tape, which Joan did.
#### _The Vancouver Sun_
During 1960-1961, Margaret contributed a number of book reviews to the _Vancouver Sun_. Although those reviews have not been discussed in biographies of Laurence, they are significant, and the challenge of writing them certainly contributed to her literary development. Less flippant and more reflective than her Winnipeg newspapers reviews (1947-1948), the _Vancouver Sun_ reviews were written while Laurence was deeply engaged with her own fiction. The nagging anxiety that frequently surfaces in her letters during this period is absent from her reviews. In them her tone is self-assured, her analysis comprehensive and succinct. The reviews were not tossed off casually, but rather were the product of conscientious reflection and careful composition. In the columns allotted to her, Laurence used an enviable economy of words and precision of phrasing. The nineteen reviews that she wrote between May 1960 and March 1961 discussed works by Morley Callaghan, Brian Moore, Mikhail Sholokhov, Graham Greene, and Marguerite Duras, among others.
Among those books, four were set in Africa. Laurence, referring to a novel about South Africa, made the acerbic remark: "No one could deny that the Voortrekkers were remarkable people.... But it would be interesting some day to read an historical novel of the same period written by a Zulu." She criticized another novel in which the characters are secondary to the author's social and political agenda, and praised one in which the author explored "with striking honesty not only the South African situation but the mixed motives in the heart of every individual."
Laurence herself frequently commented in letters and essays on the many paradoxes in the human condition. She understood that individuals may be complex, and her fictional characters often have very negative traits as well as admirable qualities. Working on the Somali tales early in her career had provided many opportunities for Margaret to examine the Somali use of paradox. She, herself, seemed to delight in the way situations can sometimes be reversed by the less fortunate, when, with ingenuity and good humour, they manage to thwart the plans of the powerful.
In her own fiction, Laurence displays great skill in creating distinctive speech patterns without relying on dialect, and her _Vancouver Sun_ reviews show that she also admired that ability in other writers: "Mrs. Klapper is a memorable and entirely delightful character. The author never resorts to dialect and yet he achieves in her speech a startling audible quality. One can really hear her rich Brooklyn Jewish voice and can perceive directly her warmth, her need to be needed, the self-mockery that keeps her from self-pity."
Laurence, unfazed by the fact that Conrad Richter had won the Pulitzer Prize in 1951, found little to praise in his novel _The Waters of Kronos_ (1960). The central character, Donner, is "not well drawn" and is "much closer to Freud's Oedipus than to Sophocles'." She concluded with the trenchant observation that readers who follow Donner's symbol-strewn ascent of the ancestral stairs toward the ultimate door, may feel there is really only "the same old Womb at The Top."
The next month, with succinct imagery, she praised a novel that she found interesting, remarking, "This book is a light, dry, eidery brew that readers should find a refreshing change from the fiery shots of raw rum offered by many realistic novels."
Laurence's considerable skill as a reviewer, which Ethel Wilson had remarked, is apparent in her review of Kern's _The Clown_ , a novel that relates the story of a young Swiss clerk who runs away and joins the circus. "The greatest achievement of this epic novel in which the fate of nations is paralleled by that of the circus," noted Laurence, "[is] its insight into the soul of a clown. In his cruel and tender parodies on love and war, Hans [the clown] finds his only real existence. The ring is his world, in which he is both creator and created. It is his confessional, in which he is both priest and suppliant." In concluding the review she wrote: "Kern's novel is a veritable circus itself, with all the color and diversity of the Big Top. In places as oddly stylized as a poster, it can also move with the swiftness and grace of a trapeze act. Sometimes there is an excess of brilliance, too many acts going on simultaneously. The reader leaves the show feeling impressed but slightly dazed."
Would writing those reviews of contemporary novels for the _Vancouver Sun_ have made Margaret Laurence more anxious about her own fiction, or would struggling with the work of others have served to strengthen her own writing? Perhaps the outcome was a bit of both. In 1961, she reviewed two novels which may well have had some impact on her own subsequent work.
Laurence's review of _A Candle to Light the Sun_ appeared in January 1961. It was a first novel by her friend and former college classmate, Patricia Blondal (née Jenkins). Pat, even as an undergraduate, had been as serious about writing as Peggy Wemyss. However, Pat had married during her last year at United College (the first in their class to wed). She and her husband later moved to Montreal. Pat had two children and a rosy future when she was stricken with cancer and died before her thirty-third birthday. _A Candle to Light the Sun_ was published posthumously.
Laurence had read the manuscript of _A Candle to Light the Sun_ during the previous summer, when it was sent to her from Jack McClelland. He was unaware that Margaret had known the author and asked her to assess it. Afterwards, Margaret wrote to Adele, remarking that Pat's novel "attempts such a lot — an overall picture of a small prairie town & all its people... a picture of one man's search for identity." Laurence speculated that had Pat lived, she would have made considerable revisions to the novel, nevertheless, she told Adele _A Candle to Light the Sun_ was "a serious novel done with subtlety and great compassion." In reviewing the novel, Laurence said:
This novel's treatment of a Canadian prairie town is the best I have ever read. The book's scope is broad, covering the thirties and the harshness of the land in the dry years, and going on to chronicle the lives of the generations that grew up during the war.... With unusual perception the author shows us that the hiding of hearts in a small town, the concealed scandal and the tacit understanding that some things are not talked about — these are not mere hypocrisy. They are Mouse Bluffs' protection, the only way in which these people can live so close together and in such isolation.
The next month Laurence commented on Mikhail Sholokhov's saga of South Russia, _Harvest on the Don_ , which gives "an authentic picture of the collective farms of the thirties." She noted that "a very odd thing happens" as the story unfolds. "A stupid and garrulous old Cossack begins upstaging all the other characters.... The real heart and real art of this novel lie in the character of an old man who has no political significance whatsoever."
Did Sholokhov's portrait of the old Cossack, who is not a stereotypical elder uttering wise homespun philosophy, but rather "an old crackpot" who "brags" and "whines," unconsciously encourage her own emerging fictional portrait of Hagar in _The Stone Angel?_ Did Patricia Blondal's bold treatment of the harsh and stifling realities of small-town prairie life encourage Laurence's approach to Manawaka? The answer to such questions lies hidden in the mystery of creativity and the many ways in which authors absorb ideas, situations, and characters, magically weaving them into the cloth of their own books. Both novels are quite different from Laurence's fiction, and it can only be conjectured whether and how reviewing those books might have affected or encourged Laurence's own literary efforts.
At a later period in her life, she recounted in a letter to the writer Ernest Buckler that she had first read his book _The Mountain and the Valley_ in Vancouver, after _This Side Jordan_ had been published, and she recalled that his novel "both scared and heartened" her. "I was beginning to think seriously about how I could return (in the deepest ways — because physically I was living in Vancouver but hadn't yet returned home in my writing) to the background which was truly my own." It is certainly possible that in some unconscious ways reading and reviewing so many important works of fiction at that time did influence the direction of Laurence's own literary development.
Laurence's reviews for the _Vancouver Sun_ indicate, albeit indirectly, her own concerns as a novelist. No better summary of Margaret Laurence's goals as a writer can be made than her own remarks about Roger Vailland's novel _Fête:_ "[ _Fête_ 's] characters are revealed gradually, delicately, with the consummate skill of the true novelist. They impress not with what they do but with what they are. They come to life, and their presence leaves an echo in the mind."
#### 1962
Although Laurence's agent had been unable to find a market in North America for "The Rain Child," after Macmillan accepted that story, she suggested to him that her stories might stand "a better chance in England." While awaiting his reply, however, pressing issues arose on the domestic front in January 1962. She and Jack were in the midst of serious and difficult discussions about whether or not Jack would seek engineering work abroad. He was not satisfied with his job in British Columbia and hankered to return to work in an underdeveloped country. Margaret summed up for Adele the problematic situation that was unfolding: "[Jack] just cannot find the same sort of satisfaction in work here, where he never really feels it matters whether the job is done or not. So I hope he is able to find the right sort of job somewhere else. Now, of course, the conditions are not as simple as they once could be — now we have to consider places where we can take the kids, and where there are schools. So we shall see."
A few months later, although Jack had made inquires about an overseas post, nothing seemed imminent, and Margaret was considering taking a one-year librarian's course at the University of British Columbia. She thought it might prove interesting and also provide some additional income. In early June, Jack was away again, having gone up to Balfour near Nelson "for the purpose of hauling the power cables out of the river. The cables that were part of the lines the Doukhobors blew up."
On June 13, Margaret wrote two letters that shed light on the way things were developing for her. Although she had started several letters to Adele during the past month, she had not been able to finish them. This was not due to a lack of time or reluctance to write, she explained, rather it was the effect of taking diet pills. Her efforts to lose weight came at a price however:
I am either in a manic or depressive condition all the time. In my manic phase, I concentrate on that great novel which I am writing, convinced that it will ultimately be deathless prose. In my depressive phase, I feel the novel is pure garbage, and I cannot even consider it worthwhile to sit down and write to friends, as I am suffering from both lung cancer and TB and will probably not survive the night. However, I seem to be in an in-between place now, and not suffering from any lethal diseases, so I'll try to write now. No kidding — these diet pills really work. I have shed 15 lbs. and have set my goal for another 10.... The only trouble with these pills is that I smoke like a furnace the whole time, and seem unable to stop, and this really terrifies me. But all seemed worthwhile today when I went downtown and bought a summer dress — sheath style, the first time in several years that I have been able to wear this kind of dress.
Margaret wrote much the same news to Gordon Elliott on the same day, mentioning her mood swings and the diet pills that were helping her to lose weight. The situation that Margaret describes was hardly unique to her; in fact, it was rather typical for North American women in the 1960s, as Betty Friedan cogently remarked in _The Feminine Mystique._ In August Margaret reported that "everything was at sixes and sevens." She had abandoned "the old lady novel" ( _The Stone Angel_ ) although she hoped to return to it one day if she could work out how to do it properly, "but right now I can see only that it is boring. This is the one thing that is not permitted. The whole thing really is very poor, and right now I feel I can only cut my losses and put it away. I feel intensely depressed about it, needless to say, especially as I wonder if I can write anything about this country [Canada]." She was also distressed because she and Jack were at an impasse: "[We] have been trying to sort out what it was that each of us really wants to do in this life, and this appears a more complex thing than we thought it might be — he may be going abroad again, and I know that is right for him, but I wonder if I can become a memsahib once more? Anyway, we shall see. I may stay with the kids in England for a year, I don't know.
In the summer of 1962, Margaret met the Barbadian writer George Lamming in Vancouver. His novels, focusing on the changes in West Indian society from the colonial period to the present, had won for him an international reputation. More recently, his achievements in fiction and poetry had been highlighted in an essay by Frank Collymore, which appeared in the _Tamarack Review_ , along with a fine poem by Lamming ("The Swan") and an excerpt from his collected essays. Laurence's West African novel, _This Side Jordan_ , and several of her short stories set in the Gold Coast had received praise in Vancouver and London, and she would have been pleased to meet with Lamming, a fellow writer, who was an outspoken West Indian nationalist and supporter of trade unionism.
Although one of Laurence's biographers alleges that a romantic involvement with George Lamming was the reason why Margaret Laurence left Vancouver and separated from her husband, this claim has not been supported by sufficient evidence. Furthermore, if Laurence had been feeling lonely and at loose ends when she met Lamming, her correspondence over several years shows that the decision to have a trial separation evolved over time and prior to her meeting with him. In fact, a stronger case could be made that Jack Laurence's dissatisfaction with his work in Canada, which may be clearly traced in a number of her letters, and his desire to find an engineering post in underdeveloped regions of the world, was a significant, divisive, and long-standing issue in the couple's marriage.
In the summer of 1962, the needs of husband and wife in terms of what they perceived as their respective vocations were in direct conflict. While Jack's satisfaction with his work was diminishing, Margaret's success as a writer was increasing. She had received several fiction awards, in addition to important encouragement from her editors and recognition from the press. However, Jack's strong desire to leave Canada so that he could work in underdeveloped countries brought their future as a family into question. In overseas regions where Jack might find work as an irrigation engineer, it would be unheard of to find a local school that went beyond the most rudimentary sort of instruction, and that instruction would have been in the local language. Moreover, it was unthinkable that Western families stationed in those countries would send their children to such a school. Westerners always sent their children away to boarding schools.
As the weeks of summer passed and the implications of moving overseas were discussed at length, it was becoming painfully clear to Margaret that she could not go with Jack to East Pakistan [Bangladesh], a place where they and the children could expect tropical monsoons, floods, cyclones, and a variety of diseases.
Margaret Laurence was also aware that, once abroad, where years of tradition had forged the patterns of colonial life, she would, of course, be obliged to resume the position of a "memsahib" and fit into the colonial social situation. As the wife of a chief engineer, there could be no viable alternative for her. Moreover, if Jack returned, as he intended, to that sort of work, then as soon as an irrigation project was completed, he would naturally have to move to another location and another contract. As it turned out, moving from place to place did prove to be the trajectory of Jack's career. Between 1962 and 1969, Jack Laurence would move often. His engineering work took him to many far-flung places in addition to East Pakistan, among them Belize, Malawi, Swaziland, and once again Somalia.
In 1962, however, as Jack and Margaret tried to sort out their future as a couple, she realized that, with two young children, it would be difficult for the family to adapt over and over again to life in distant countries where the culture, language, and history were completely different. Moreover, there was a real health issue. If they resided with their children in places where malaria and other serious diseases were common, they would be remote from modern medical facilities and the children's health might well be jeopardized.
Margaret's concerns about Jocelyn and David's schooling and their health cannot be lightly dismissed. Her fears were based on her first-hand experience of crises in East and West Africa, where on many occasions she had seen children's health seriously compromised in a matter of hours. As far as school was concerned, the idea of sending her own children away to school was unthinkable to Margaret, who had been bereft of her parents by the age of nine. Moreover, she had not forgotten those Christmas seasons in the Gold Coast when a planeload of children would arrive from boarding schools in England to spend the holiday with their parents — and the unhappy departure of those children a few weeks later. In fact, health issues did arise years later when Jack Laurence was working in India. Both his second wife, Esther, and his brother, Bob, who had come out for a visit, contracted serious, chronic illnesses there.
In 1962, Margaret's second concern about living in underdeveloped regions related, of course, to her writing. After years of struggling to develop her literary talents, uprooting to distant countries would have felt very self-defeating. Although in theory a person may write anywhere, in reality a writer is often affected in major ways by a shift in physical location and all that may follow as a result of such a move. How long would it take for editors' letters and publishers' proofs to reach Margaret in places as remote as Pakistan or Uganda? If Margaret were again to accompany Jack abroad, her own work as a writer, "her vocation," would be seriously jeopardized.
Despite these urgent concerns, by the end of August 1962, it had become clear that Jack intended to accept an engineering post in East Pakistan and had to leave "fairly quickly." His decision set in motion a chain of events that was to have an enormous impact on the lives of his family. It was agreed that Margaret and the children would spend a year in England. She had no idea how things would turn out there, but told Adele on August 29 that she had done a great deal of "intensive soul-searching" and, in an unusually revelatory phrase, mentioned that a "sense of despair" had diminished:
All things which I have recently realized about myself, etc., now seem so obvious that I really wonder how I could have not seen them for so long. It takes me so painfully long to learn anything at all. But I feel free, or reasonably so, from the sense of despair that has been with me for some years now, so I don't really mind the slowness of growth. As far as I am concerned this will be the opportunity to terminate a kind of delayed adolescence, at the advanced age of 36, and it is really now or never. I feel now that it will work out both to my advantage and Jack's, if things go as we hope and trust.
Within a month, Jack had completed plans to leave Vancouver on October 6. Margaret and the children were to leave for England the following week, stopping briefly in Winnipeg for a visit with the Wisemans, and in Toronto to see her publisher, Jack McClelland, but she could not spend too long in transit because she "[did not] want the children to be out of school any longer than is necessary." Although Margaret referred to the pending separation as a one-year trial period, nonetheless, it involved an enormous wrench after fifteen years of married life with Jack.
She decided to apply to the Canada Council for a senior fellowship, but felt hesitant about asking for letters of recommendation because "one cannot, after all, guarantee results. This novel may turn out to be horrible." She was anxious about producing a work that would measure up to such an award: "What if I do get the money and then goof somehow on that year in London?" If the Canada Council fellowship did not come through, she planned to seek part-time work marking papers for a secondary school in London.
Although she had been "laid low with a terrible cold and flu," Margaret managed to complete the necessary arrangements for the journey. On October 12, she and the children were driven to the airport by her friend Mona. Laurence later said, "I was so tense I kept having horrible cramps in my legs and feet." The departure from Vancouver was emotionally painful. Margaret felt "guilty and worried sick about what the separation might do" to the children, who were ten and seven. As Mona drove them to the airport, it seemed things had come full circle — from their anxious arrival in 1957 to their anxious departure six years later. It is surprising but true that neither Mona, who was Margaret's oldest friend, nor any of the Laurences' Vancouver friends had any inkling that Jack had been dissatisfied with work there, nor did they suspect a trial separation might occur. Margaret and Jack were discreet about their personal lives and the lives of their children. That discretion would remain a constant throughout the years ahead.
When Margaret finally reached the check-in counter at the airport, their baggage was declared overweight for a transatlantic flight. The officials, nevertheless, permitted her to proceed to Winnipeg. There Margaret gave Adele some items to forward by mail, including "the only copy in existence of the manuscript _The Stone Angel_ ". In her memoirs, Laurence says that the parcel took three months to reach London, and during that time she imagined it lost forever. That reminiscence is not supported by her correspondence, however. The manuscript of _The Stone Angel_ actually arrived in about six weeks; but it must have seemed like an eternity to her:
This was the novel for which I had separated from my husband and embarked on who knew what, uprooting and dragging along my two children, and I almost seemed to be trying to lose it. Guilt and fear can do strange things to the mind and the body. I questioned my right to write, even though I knew I had to do it. I had just wanted everything — husband, children, work. Was this too much?
In _Dance on the Earth_ , she then replies with insight to that rhetorical question: "Of course it wasn't, but the puritan conscience can be a fearsome thing and when, in a woman, it is combined with the need to create in a society that questions this need or ignores it, the results are self-inflicted wounds scarring the heart."
As Margaret Laurence's sixth year in Vancouver came to a close, it marked the end of an intensely productive literary period in her life. Her departure for England also brought to a close an acutely painful personal period, during which she had struggled to stretch twenty-four-hour days to the limit. In fact, during the previous year, Margaret had found it necessary to consult a physician:
Life became a little too hectic for me some time ago, and I was convinced I had a brain tumour or something, as I had a pounding headache the whole time, the various weird symptoms such as pins-and-needles in all legs and arms. The doctor told me it was "tension," so I gave up all book reviewing, essay marking and Sunday school [teaching]. Now I am beginning to feel almost human again. The thing was, I guess, that I had done the first draft of the novel and had then commenced work on the Somaliland book [ _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ ], with no break at all.
While the pace of such activities and her responsibilities as wife and mother may well have exhausted Laurence, it is important to ask why she decided to put away the first draft of _The Stone Angel_ and immerse herself in working on another book. The answer resides in the complex background of that decision.
During the previous autumn (1961), Margaret had been totally absorbed in writing _The Stone Angel_ , completing the first draft "in a kind of single-minded burst of activity, letting the thing go where it seemed to want to go." Looking back years later, she recalled sitting in their house in Vancouver, when suddenly she began to write: "An old woman had come into my mind. I suppose she had been there for a while, but all at once she became insistent." The gestation of _The Stone Angel_ , however, was not as effortless or immediate as her remarks seem to suggest. Laurence's description pertains more to feelings of release and exhilaration that accompanied her efforts than to the literal facts of the book's composition. The effort to write _The Stone Angel_ had filled her with anxiety over a period of months. After informing Adele in October how rapidly and easily the first draft had been completed, she reported four months later that, after looking again at the manuscript, she had fallen into in a period of semi-depression. "The whole thing will have to be rewritten.... It is terrible.... Everything needs fixing."
What accounts for this dramatic change in Margaret's sense of her novel? The shift from confidence to great uncertainty took place after she had shown the draft to Jack. He did not view it favourably. As a result, Margaret was thrust into a very difficult position, and her frustration with the first draft of _The Stone Angel_ arose largely from the nagging realization that Jack, to whom Margaret customarily turned for comments about her fiction, did not take her writing as seriously as she did. He made it clear that he did not like _The Stone Angel_ , while Margaret was enthusiastic about the novel and felt a growing attachment to Hagar, its central character. Nevertheless, she decided to revise the manuscript, and tried to accommodate Jack's suggestions. Adele had cautioned Margaret earlier about doing that. She considered it to be self-defeating behaviour and pointed that out when Margaret and Jack were still living in Africa. Adele thought that, by looking for Jack's approval of her writing and taking his criticism to heart, Margaret was leaving herself open to a growing resentment and further insecurity about her abilities as a writer.
The very situation that Adele had warned against years before had now developed. The result was enormous tension. Margaret's pain and frustration are clear in her lines to Adele. She tries to explain: "It's difficult, I find, to maintain any sort of faith in oneself. I haven't got an ounce of it myself." As the letter continues, Margaret offers advice to Adele, but then pauses when she comes to understand that she is really having a conversation with herself. This is borne out, too, by the shifting pronoun references in that letter. Margaret states several objections to _The Stone Angel_ and then sets down a reply to each. When her paragraph is rearranged in the following format, Margaret's dialogue with herself becomes much more obvious:
1. The novel is written simply and directly.
"I am not clever enough to write it any other way."
2. The style is archaic.
"I have a strong feeling for direct and simple writing."
3. The theme is not new.
"What theme is new?"
4. The novel is unsophisticated.
"What I am trying to imply in it isn't really simple at all."
5. It's too obvious.
"Maybe it's not obvious enough?"
The letter then breaks off with the comment: "Well, this way lies madness." Are Margaret's five statements replies to objections raised by Jack? If so, that would account for her terrible emotional turmoil. As her lengthy letter to Adele continues, it is clear that Margaret is still speaking to herself when she asks rhetorically: "What can you do except go ahead & do it as you see it yourself, even if everyone else who ever sees it thinks it is perfectly horrible, or, even worse, boringly naive or just plain boring. I have brooded over this so much lately that it has got to stop."
Here Margaret addresses the crux of her problem as she goes on to state that "getting to trust your own judgment and attempting honestly to write what you feel and not what you're supposed to feel" is essential. This shift in her attitude toward her work was necessary if Margaret was to embrace the life and outlook of a professional writer. In working on _The Stone Angel_ , she had come to understand that she must write the novel in a way that satisfied her as its author, and let go of her desire to seek the approval of Jack or of others. She realized that this was the only way to keep her sanity. At last in England she was able to achieve that attitude toward her work.
### CHAPTER TEN
### Uncertain Alchemy
#### ENGLAND: 1962-1963
Once it became clear that Jack was actually going to East Pakistan, Margaret had to face the issue of where she and the children might live. Remaining in Vancouver seemed out of the question. She had never really liked living there, and neither had her fellow writer Alice Munro. In fact, Munro once summed up her reaction to Vancouver during the 1950s this way: "It was much more boring [than Wingham was]. I have never even been able to do much with it fictionally because I hated it so much." Although Laurence did use contemporary Vancouver as the setting for _The Fire-Dwellers_ , she rarely mentioned the city in interviews. On one occasion, however, she admitted to another writer, Harold Horwood, that after the stimulation of living in Africa with its nationalists, poets, and drummers, Margaret had found living in Vancouver "like being tossed into a swamp," and added the comment, "life surely wasn't meant to be so boring!"
Margaret rejected the idea of moving back to Winnipeg. It would have meant proximity to family as well as the likelihood of being frequently upbraided for not going overseas with her husband. As for locating to Toronto or Montreal, in the early 1960s neither city seemed to be viable as a residence when compared with the possibility of living in England. Margaret and Jack had lived there for more than a year before going to Somaliland, and had frequently returned to London when Jack was on leave. England was a country that cherished its writers and London was familiar to her. In addition, she would be near her British publisher, who had been very supportive of Margaret's writing. As a youngster she had read Kipling's account of the ancient history of England, _Puck of Pook's_ Hill. And like many collegians of her generation, Margaret also had read the English classics throughout her school years. During the Second World War, she had wept over the patriotic poems in Alice Duer Miller's _The White Cliffs_ , which proclaimed "that a world without an England wouldn't be worth living in." As Margaret weighed the various options in terms of relocating, she also believed that it would be advantageous for Jocelyn and David to attend school in England. For both Margaret and the children, England seemed to be the best temporary location.
Within a week of arriving in London, Margaret, with the help of a friend from Winnipeg days, had found a furnished flat on Heath Hurst Road in Hampstead. It was near Keats' Grove, "where stood the tree," she noted, "under which the poet is said to have written 'Ode to a Nightingale.'" It was also very close to the area where she and Jack had lived for several months in 1952 when Jocelyn was born. Margaret was pleased and relieved that it was both affordable and in a part of the city that she "knew best and liked the best."
Other writers, such as Ernest Hemingway, Raymond Chandler, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Norman Levine, and Mordecai Richler, had arrived in England with a list of contacts and letters of introduction to other writers. That was not the case with Margaret Laurence. The fact that she was able to manage initially was due in large part to the singular kindness of her editors at Macmillan, Lovat Dickson and Alan Maclean, who recognized Laurence's talent, encouraged her writing, and gave advice and moral support. Since she did not have a network of writer friends to whom she could turn, and because she and Jack had now separated, Margaret also was a bit embarrassed to look up some of their old friends.
Alone in London, Margaret rented the third and fourth floors at the back of an old Victorian red-brick house. She and the children shared a bath on the floor below with a business couple who went out to work each day. In Margaret's flat the rooms were small but adequate. On one floor there was a bedroom, a living room, and a kitchen. Up a short flight of stairs were two small bedrooms for the children. From London, Margaret wrote back to Canada, "We seem to have landed on our feet, at least so far," and added this description of their new surroundings:
We are well situated — only a few minutes walk from Hampstead High Street and the tube station, 15 minutes easy walk to the school where the kids will be going (with no major roads for them to cross), a public library just around the corner (next door to Keats House), which is kept as a small museum.... Small shops and post office only a block away, and Hampstead Heath just at the end of the street, one minute from here. This last is a real marvel — I never imagined I'd be able to find a flat so close to the Heath. I can take the kids there, and they can run around and work off steam, David especially. There is even a Unitarian Church on the High Street.
All this seemed almost too good to be true. And in characteristic fashion Margaret could not help worrying about whether some awful problem would shortly appear. She also understood that her anxiety was connected to her Presbyterian background, and explained, "If something good happens to you, you will soon have to pay for it."
Her letters describing those first weeks in London are generally cheerful and optimistic. However, when she later looked back on that period, the picture was not quite so rosy. In a letter to Ernest Buckler, she reported that the flat was "ghastly," and she made many similiar remarks about it in an interview with Harold Horwood. Perhaps in her contemporary letters she had tried to put a brave face on the situation, which was not only wrenching emotionally, but very challenging on the domestic and practical front.
Margaret realized that, to Jocelyn and David, who were ten and seven, the move from Canada, the separation from their father, and the new surroundings in London would feel strange and disorienting. So she began "an evening ritual of cocoa in front of the fire after dinner, when she would tell them a serial story, 'very sensational and corny,' but it seemed to make them feel more at home." She was optimistic that, when the school term began on November 5, the children would make new friends and a good adjustment would follow. In the meantime she did a good bit of sightseeing with the children. "Every weekend, we used to take small tours. I was determined to show London to the children, so we tramped through the museums, we mastered the Tube, we walked up and down the millions of stairs at the Tower of London." One day, they visited the Science Museum, where David "was fascinated by all the models of old trains and boats." Margaret was pleased that she was able to find her way around London "so much better than any other city, even Vancouver, because the underground is so well marked."
Within a few weeks of their arrival in England, Margaret received several air letters from Jack and she informed their old friend Gordon Elliott that Jack was "tremendously busy already, caught up in all kinds of official complications, which was to be expected. He seems very happy to be there [East Pakistan]. It is certainly his kind of job. I wish it were mine."
Although as a parent and an emerging writer, Margaret could not imagine moving with Jack from one overseas post to another while he searched for satisfaction as an engineer, she was unable to shake off the nagging feeling that she was at fault; that she had let Jack down by not going abroad again with him. She also felt she had been a disappointment to him because she had found herself unable to be the kind of wife she thought Jack wanted. However, both husband and wife looked upon the move to London as a trial separation, which would give each of them the time and distance to sort out what it was they needed and wanted in life. In England, Margaret hoped to secure "a room of one's own" — one of the essentials identified by Virginia Woolf as necessary for a woman writer. If Margaret had any thoughts of a divorce, they were not foremost in her mind; such a step was virtually unthinkable at that time, and it certainly would have been a shock to both their families. Until Jack later requested a formal divorce in 1969, no one in either of their families had taken such a step.
Once settled in London, Margaret found Virginia Woolf's second prerequisite for a writer — sufficient income — much more difficult to achieve. She was surprised to learn that the cost of living had risen significantly since her last visit to England and everything now seemed very expensive. Although she was determined to be self-supporting, it soon became clear that it would be difficult to manage on the amount of money Jack and she had agreed upon. Margaret put a brave face on the situation and hoped that she might receive a Canada Council senior fellowship, although she conceded that this was unlikely. It is not clear whether Jack's salary made it impossible for him to send more money or whether Margaret's pride and guilt about not accompanying him to East Pakistan made it impossible for her to ask him for the additional financial support, which she and the children certainly needed. Margaret continued to frame her present situation in ways that made her feel guilty, and she seemed unable to accept the fact that, in large measure, it had been Jack's unwillingness to continue working in Canada that had precipitated these major changes.
Although her new domestic situation in London was challenging, Margaret's literary prospects were very encouraging. During the first month after her arrival, "The Rain Child" appeared in _Winter's Tales 8_ , alongside stories by Doris Lessing, Edna O'Brien, Muriel Spark, and V.S. Pritchett. In addition, Margaret met during that time with several people at Macmillan, including Alan Maclean, the man she "had corresponded with the most." Maclean gave her the good news that Macmillan, London, would publish _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ in spring 1963. And Margaret was particularly pleased that the firm had decided to bring out a collection of her West African stories, even though she then had to spend two weeks "madly typing them all out — 250 pages." She found the task quite boring since she had typed them many times before. The positive side of that effort, however, was the opportunity to cut "some of the fancier bits from a few of the stories." She thought "The Merchant of Heaven" had been overwritten and removed some of the "highflown phrases... that one thinks are so terrific at the moment of writing but lives to regret later."
The next month, Margaret sent George Woodcock, editor of _Canadian Literature_ , a book review for the journal. In the accompanying letter she explained to him why she had left Vancouver:
The great difficulty with life at home, from a writer's point of view, seems to me to be the inevitable involvement with a relatively large number of activities — whether these are worthy causes or community responsibilities or friendships, each may be rewarding in itself but taken as a whole they seem to diminish one's time to a point where one can begin to feel a little desperate. It is the anonymity of London that appeals most to me, I think. I have a number of friends here, whom I see from time to time, but I can spend many more hours a week here in working at writing, without the guilty feeling at the back of my mind that I ought to be doing something else. I have begun to work again on the novel which I had done in rough draft [ _The Stone Angel_ ]. I hope something may come of it — one never knows.
A few days before she wrote to Woodcock, the manuscript of _The Stone Angel_ , which she had given Adele to mail in Winnipeg, arrived. As Margaret prepared to wrestle again with the text, she was surprised and pleased to realize the novel would require less rewriting than she had previously thought. In two significant letters to Adele, Margaret reexamined her earlier difficulties with _The Stone Angel_. Her excitement upon rereading the manuscript is almost palpable:
You know, the old lady comes across — I'm almost certain of it. And also — and this is the stunning surprise to me — all the things which I thought were there when I wrote it, everything that moves under the surface, as it were, seems to me to be actually there. _When Jack didn't see any of them, I was convinced for a long time that I had only deluded myself that they were there. But now I feel strongly that they are there, and that I wasn't wrong about the book_ [emphasis added]. He felt at that time that I was not a novelist and that I should stick to short stories. I put the novel away and could not bring myself to look at it for a year. But now I feel, looking at it very soberly, and as objectively as possible, that it is done the way I wanted it to be done, and it says what I wanted it to say. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it is mine. Whether the publishers or anyone else likes it, I like it. I don't say it is tremendous stuff, for obviously it is not, but it is serious and it says something and at least one person in it seems to me to be alive in that indefinable way.
Margaret intended to continue working on _The Stone Angel_ as soon as she finished typing up her African short stories.
As Margaret Laurence typed those stories in November 1962, a certain physical and emotional exhaustion made itself felt. She was still trying to get a telephone installed, and the tension from handling detailed arrangements for departing from Canada during the previous month, as well as the daunting tasks of getting settled with the children in England, had taken a toll. In addition, the implications and uncertainties of her new circumstances pressed upon her and she now had very mixed feelings about the situation:
About half the time I feel pretty good about life, and can work hopefully, etc. The other half I feel depressed, miserable, lonely, bereft, empty, and just plain bloody awful, if you know what I mean. However, people do not die of this kind of affliction, luckily. Anyway, having discovered to my surprise that I am a survivor at heart, I do not despair. Also, I can't afford to drink a great deal, which is also a good thing. I can't afford to smoke, but I do, anyway.... I also walk miles — to and from school with the kids, to the shops, up to the Heath on weekends, etc.
In one sense, Margaret had indeed left her home, Canada, and her husband, Jack. No doubt the confusing feelings she was experiencing evoked those she had felt as a child after the deaths of her parents — loss, guilt, abandonment — typical responses, according to many psychologists, for a child who has experienced at an early age the death of parents. It is not surprising, then, that after parting from her country and her husband, Margaret Laurence began to deal fictionally with the material of her childhood. It was one way of managing her current situation. "The Sound of the Singing," a short story set in Manawaka, was accepted for publication (to appear the next year). Later she placed it as the opening story in _A Bird in the House_ , a collection of eight linked short stories that centre on the coming of age of Vanessa MacLeod in Manawaka, a small Canadian prairie town.
By December 1962, Margaret was weighing the prospects of getting a job in London, but soon realized that she lacked the skills as well as the necessary "paper" qualifications for a good job. In addition, having a job would entail complicated and costly domestic arrangements. She also felt that might have a negative effect on the children and there would be difficulties finding the right person to look after them on school holidays. "So at the moment," she explained, "I have shelved this question, and am trying to settle down to do the only thing which I know something about, namely writing." She was reviewing some manuscripts for Macmillan, but the work was not very well paid and she could only hope they would be able to give her more work to supplement her income.
As the first Christmas without Jack approached, Margaret planned some special events with the children. They went to Harrods department store to see the toys; and with a small sum sent from a friend in Canada she was able to take the children out to lunch and then to a Walt Disney film, "In Search of the Castaways," based on a Jules Verne story and "full of wild and fantastic adventures." After the film they enjoyed tea and lots of French pastries at a special shop. The day's excursion ended at Trafalgar Square, where they watched the lighting of the Christmas tree and stayed for the carol singing.
During that harsh English winter, Margaret had been shaping _The Stone Angel_ and typing the manuscript of _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_ , which was scheduled for publication in 1963. These stories set in the Gold Coast are very different from those that she subsequently included in _A Bird in the House_ , and, therefore, merit some discussion here.
_The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_ , was published when Africa was much in the news, as the European colonial powers withdrew and various countries "gained" their independence. The stories are set in a milieu of rapidly ending colonialism and the emerging political independence of many African nations. Each story stands as an independent unit and the characters and situations do not overlap as they do in _A Bird in the House_.
Although _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ stories are not experimental in terms of form, Laurence excels in the evocation of place and the creation of character and incident. Her handling of this challenging material is noteworthy. She captures West African culture at the point at which traditional African customs, white colonialism, and encroaching modern technology meet, and she deals with events not in terms of ideologies or generalities, but as they are reflected in the lives of individuals. She describes the haunting beauty of West Africa and its terrors, both real and imagined. She presents British colonials stationed there — many of whom are attached to a mythical Gold Coast and blind to contemporary Ghana. She also presents Africans who must reconcile tribal customs with what they have learned in mission schools or abroad at British universities. She is even-handed in her treatment, depicting some Africans succumbing to materialism and greed. She shows the confusion caused by rapid change. As the West Africans try to cope with the country's shifting scene, their uncertain future looks both promising and frightening.
Laurence, in addition to having a keen ear and excellent powers of observation, did an enormous amount of background reading to broaden her understanding of Ashanti festivals and of West Africa's long history. That reading provided her with some ethnographic knowledge, without which an interpretation of Africa cannot be done responsibly. Margaret also had Ghanaian friends, such as Professor Ofosu-Appiah, with whom she discussed these matters.
It is significant that at the time of her death (thirty years after her first return to Canada) and after living in many different places, more than one hundred books dealing with African material still remained in her personal library. Those books are now at McMaster University. Some of them have extensive pencil notes and scoring by Laurence. Among the various titles are: _The Akan Doctrine of God; West African Folk Tales and Fables; West Coast Nutrition and Cookery;_ and Meyerwitz's study _The Sacred State of Akan_. These titles represent a few of the many and diverse books that contributed to her understanding of West Africa and to her postcolonial perspective. Laurence endeavoured to be open-minded toward the complex ancient religious, social, and political cultures of the region.
In _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ stories, one does not find demeaning descriptions of indigenous people. On the contrary, Laurence is harsh in dealing with her European characters. In an essay "Ten Years Sentences," she admits, "I was against colonialism" and states that her editor wanted changes in _This Side Jordan_ (1960) because she had stereotyped Europeans. In that novel, Europeans are embittered, unhappy, and hostile toward Africa. Her white women are thin, jaundiced, and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They also appear that way in many of the _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ stories. Laurence was very critical of the "sahib type" and acknowledged, "I have never in my life felt such antipathy towards people anywhere as I felt towards those pompous and whining sahibs and memsahibs."
It is no surprise that Laurence thought herself different from the British colonialists who were in Africa on government business. She also saw herself as different from other Europeans who were there, whether missionaries or workers. She was, after all, a Canadian. But she soon came to understand that Africans made no such distinctions. They considered her as indistinguishable from all the other non-Africans. That was quite a lesson for the young writer.
In rendering African conversations, Laurence seems to reflect the actual situation: many West Africans were multilingual, and she shows them using "code switching," a bilingual strategy that takes place between standard English, with its authoritative connotation, and a type of pidgin that may be a transcript of the language as it was spoken, i.e., as a deviation from standard English. In _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ the conversations of Africans are not rendered in a condescending fashion as they are in a good deal of colonialist literature. Laurence does not convey their speech as linguistically incompetent and by extension "racially" inferior. Her use of what might be called dialect is limited, and it mirrors the heteroglossia and complexity of West Africa. Her effort at verisimilitude in rendering English speech patterns as used by nonnative speakers appears early in her writing — even in her high school and college fiction. But even at that early stage, Laurence's characters are portrayed with such respect that her attempt at replicating their speech patterns does not result in negative stereotyping.
In "The Rain Child," for example, a sixteen-year-old garden boy named Yindo is not an Ashanti, but a Dagomba from the North. In his own eyes, therefore, he was not only from another place, but from another world. At one point, nearly incoherent with terror, Yindo pleads with the school mistress: "I beg you. You not give me sack. I Dagomba man, madam. No got bruddah dis place." The use of dialect in this passage does not evoke arrogant condescension on the part of the Western reader, but rather elicits understanding and concern for the pain of another human being.
In _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ stories, Laurence presents vignettes of nine major characters whose lives shed light on the situation in West Africa. Her approach and tone in dealing with this material is postcolonial rather than colonial.
In one story, Moki, who had come to the Gold Coast many years before with a trader's caravan, is elderly and partially blind. He now begs beside the women in the marketplace. He remembers the name of his village, but not of his country.
Then there is Danquah who runs the "Hail Mary" chop bar. He is a stranger to that place, having neither family nor tribe. An _isolato_ , he is a puzzle to the village and will always remain an outsider.
One of Laurence's most poignant stories, "The Voices of Adamo," holds up a mirror to certain historically determined relationships of dominance and subordination under the British colonial regime. Adamo loses his family to the ravages of smallpox. Eventually, as a teenager, he is taken in by the British military and becomes a drummer in the regimental band. Adamo, however, cannot understand the discourse of other members of the band, because they are not of his tribe, nor can he understand the British bandmaster, Captain Fossey, who eventually receives orders to return to England. As a result of profound miscommunication, Captain Fossey is murdered by Adamo, the one African he had assumed had great personal loyalty to him.
Another serious miscommunication occurs in "A Fetish for Love." The story's perspective is entirely that of an Anglo-colonial woman, a do-gooder named Constance, who is the wife of an import-export merchant. Constance wants to "understand" Africa. But she understands neither her cook, Sunday, nor his wife, Love. And Constance's misguided effort to take their destiny into her own hands very nearly brings the younger African woman to catastrophe.
In "The Pure Diamond Man," Laurence successfully handles the type of situation that the critic Homi Bhabha has discussed as the mockery of the West by colonized people. The situation in the story is akin to "doing the police in different voices." In an hilarious scene, a gullible and ignorant Westerner is seeking an "authentic" African experience. He is roundly deceived by a local family, showing that the colonized can appropriate the terms of exchange.
"The Drummer of All the World" is narrated by Matthew, the son of a white missionary. It opens as follows: "My father thought he was bringing Salvation to Africa. I, on the other hand, no longer know what salvation is. I am not sure that it lies in the future. And I know now that it is not to be found in the past."
In childhood, Matthew's primary caretaker had been an African servant named Yaa. Matthew is the same age as her son, and Yaa had nursed both boys. Eventually, Matthew leaves to go abroad to university. He returns twice, each time expecting to find "the" Africa he had known and loved as a child, and expecting to resume his friendship with Yaa's son, Kwabena. But both young men have changed. The story unfolds with several flashbacks and covers a period of about twenty years; as a result the reader is introduced to the complexities of both a colonial and postcolonial world. The Western narrator mourns the loss of the old Africa, while his African counterpart is bitter because he has glimpsed a world that he can never enter. As Kwabena grows up, he puts aside thoughts of becoming a fetish priest, and wants instead to become a twentieth-century doctor. But for him to achieve that within the story's context is quite impossible. His disappointment and anger are palpable.
The final story in this collection "A Gourdful of Glory" is narrated from an African perspective. The central figure, Mammii Ama, is a market woman, one of a group of women whose activities, as Laurence realized, were very important to the West African economy. Here, Mammii Ama ekes out a meagre living by selling calabashes to other Africans, and waits with great excitement for the day when the Gold Coast, renamed Ghana, will become independent under the leadership of Premier Kwame Nkrumah. The first part of the story takes place before Ghanaian independence, and the last few pages take place in the days immediately following it.
Mammii Ama is presented with dignity, appreciation, and vitality. Here Laurence's rendering of local speech achieves a success that has built upon her early effort with college fiction. Laurence's work is significantly different from Europeans such as Elspeth Huxley and others, who did not appreciate African culture and whose judgmental attitudes presented Africans to the West as inferior, primitive, and in need of "paternal" intervention. Huxley's description of Accra and the market women in _Four Guineas: A Journey through West Africa_ is frequently superficial and condescending. On the other hand, Margaret Laurence shows that, although Mammii Ama does not have a realistic idea of the consequences of independence, she does cope with the actual situation rather than the one she had imagined. Mammii Ama's disappointment does not overwhelm her, and she maintains her integrity as well as her position as a leader among the other market women by refusing to sell her pots as mere commodities to a white woman who has had a very patronizing exchange with her, an exchange in which she insulted Mammii Ama and tried to control the sale of the pot by offering far more than the asking price. Mammii Ama stands firm. She rejects the money and remains memorable as a leader of the market women. Having very little herself, she nevertheless shows compassion and generosity toward less-fortunate villagers. In the closing scene, she raises a calabash and chants a new verse to her song. The others caught the rhythm, and the faith, and the new words, and joined in the song. Then "Mammii Ama straightened her plump shoulders. Like a royal palm she stood, rooted in magnificence, spreading her arms like fronds, to shelter the generations."
While Margaret typed up these stories, she tried to make plans to celebrate Christmas. She intended to have a young couple and several Canadian women join the family for dinner. In a letter to Gordon Elliott, she reflected on the fact that in Vancouver she had begun drinking in order to feel better, now she notes that she has changed course. "I have gone on the wagon, at least for the time being. When I have people in for dinner, I have 1 glass of wine, but that is all. Otherwise, it is not being bought any more. This regime has lasted for 2 weeks, and although I cannot say I feel any better.... This step is long overdue, as you know." She explained that "when a person discovered they were drinking to drown their sorrows, it was time they quit. So I have quit. Let us hope it lasts." In later years, there would be times when Margaret again struggled with drinking, but that was in the privacy of her home, and the situation was known only to close friends and family.
On Boxing Day (celebrated in England on the day following Christmas), snow began to fall. It continued for days. London was unprepared for such a heavy snowfall and it seemed as if nothing could be done while "the snow hardened and froze. Sidewalks and streets became a rugged terrain of ice." As the cold period continued, electric service became intermittent and pipes froze throughout the city. In _Dance on the Earth_ Laurence refers to the situation in understated terms, however:
That winter was a severe one in England.... Cold and fog and snow. It was not a terribly pleasant time, particularly since the English are totally unprepared for large quantities of snow. People were skiing down Hampstead High Street. The electricity kept going off.... I was rewriting _The Stone Angel_ and typing out the stories in _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ , sometimes with hands nearly freezing, in between walking the kids to and from school because I was terrified they might get lost in the fog.
As a matter of fact, the winter of 1963 was the worst winter England had experienced in sixty years. It has been described in grim detail by the American writer Sylvia Plath in her essay "Snow Blitz." During December 1962, Sylvia Plath and her two children had moved back to London. They were living in a maisonette on Fitzroy Road in Hampstead, not far from where Margaret was living, although the two did not know each other. On February 11, Sylvia Plath, who was only thirty, committed suicide. Laurence read the account of Plath's death in the _Hampstead and Highgate Express_ , and remarked later to Ernest Buckler:
I had never met her, and at that time I had not even read any of her poetry or her novel _The Bell Jar_. But I mourned her as though it had been myself who had died. I was luckier, that's all, and luckier just in the fact that my childhood had not damaged me as much as hers had done with her. I had been given some kind of on-going strength, from my stepmother (who was my mother's sister) and even from my much-hated grandfather.
At about this time, Margaret informed her agent that she had finished typing the manuscript of her novel ( _The Stone Angel_ ) and planned to take two copies of it to Michael Horniman of A.P. Watt Agency, London, the next week. In March, the Canada Council turned down her application for a senior fellowship, and Margaret must have been disappointed, because the money would have alleviated some financial stress. However, she told a friend that she did not mind because, if she had received the award, she would have "felt indebted," and that would not be good "especially when it comes to writing." Exciting news, however, soon offset her disappointment about the fellowship. Macmillan had accepted _Hagar_. Both Lovat Dickson and Alan Maclean were enthusiastic about her novel, and Margaret was hopeful that her Canadian publisher, Jack McClelland, would also respond favourably.
Such affirmation of her talent by her publishers was very important to her. Over a number of years Margaret had served an apprenticeship as a writer, consistently putting in long hours at her craft. And her reluctance to keep moving with Jack to far-flung regions had led to a decision not to accompany him. That difficult decision was based on her needs as a writer as well as the needs of her children. Now she was able to look back upon her earlier struggles with several novels and a number of short stories as necessary stages in her journey towards becoming a writer.
Margaret Laurence had been discouraged, but not disheartened. She had continued, with ambition and great determination, to labour at the craft of writing, feeling that she had been given a talent and a concomitant responsibility to develop it. Her confidence in the vision and voice that had developed in her over the years was affirmed in a major way by Macmillan's acceptance of _Hagar (The Stone Angel_ ). This marked a critical turning point in her life, a kind of epiphany that is made clear in a revealing letter that she wrote:
I can't really explain how I feel about this novel... in some way it has restored my faith in myself and in the fact that my way of seeing is not so personal or private that it will not communicate something at least to some people. Also, I feel now that the African writing was not a kind of fluke, but was related to everything else, and the fact that I wrote for awhile about Africa and now do not want to do so is not important.
As the school term drew to its close in 1963, Margaret was looking forward to the arrival from Canada of Frances Bolton, the daughter of the Elliot and Kay Bolton. Because her father then worked for Air Canada, Frances was able to fly without charge to England. She had just graduated from college and was pleased with the opportunity to be in London during the summer as a "mother's helper." Her chief responsibility would be to look after Jocelyn and David, who were ten and seven, and take them out of the flat during the day so that Margaret could continue to work on the final stages of _The Stone Angel_.
She told Gordon Elliott that, although _The Stone Angel_ would not appear until 1964, two other books were presently in process of being published: _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ and _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_. Laurence was now situated in England, but those books and _The Stone Angel_ , the three that were soon to bring her acclaim, had been written in Vancouver, although she had worked on the final manuscripts in England. Her apprentice period clearly had come to an end. She was not to be known as a one-book author, but as a writer.
Margaret Laurence could never have imagined that, during the next decade, she would become one of the most highly regarded writers of her generation. She was to become known throughout Canada for her writing about the prairies (her Manawaka novels), and to be almost exclusively identified with them. That perception, however, does not do justice to the body of her work. The fictional world of Manawaka did not emerge overnight, nor was it simply Peggy Wemyss's hometown of Neepawa set down on paper. In fact, Laurence's Manawaka cycle came about as the fruition of many years of work, struggle, and dedication to her calling as a writer. Clearly she was gifted, but that did not make the process an easy one for her. Moreover, in those early years she had to struggle both with her own diffidence as well as with the enormous social and personal demands made on her as a young wife and mother during the 1950s and early 1960s.
Her abilities as a writer were challenged and rewarded during her years in Africa, which required of her both an immersion in a culture remarkably different from that of Canada, as well as a kind of detachment that involved both taking up and working from viewpoints not her own. Throughout those early years and beyond, she dedicated herself to her calling with an amazing tenacity, even stubbornness, and refused to compromise, despite setbacks and disappointments.
As a youngster, Peggy Wemyss had responded with excitement and interest to storytelling. It is no accident that, over millennia, storytelling has engaged and frequently transfixed hearers with its power and energy. But little did that prairie youngster realize that she would herself become a teller of tales. Margaret Laurence's first novel _This Side Jordan_ , her travel memoir _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , and her remarkable and splendid translations of Somali literature in _A Tree for Poverty_ are a significant part of her legacy as a writer and need to be placed beside her Manawaka fiction. The unfolding of Margaret Laurence's own early story — her literary apprenticeship and her emergence as a writer — makes the account of her literary beginnings as compelling and vivid a story as any in the world of her own fiction.
### INTRODUCTION TO APPENDICES:
### Three Stories by Margaret Laurence
In the autumn of 1962, Margaret Laurence and her two children arrived in England. It was the beginning of a trial separation for the couple, since her husband, Jack, had decided to leave Canada and accept an engineering post in East Pakistan. By that time, Margaret had published one novel set in Africa, _This Side Jordan_ , and another small book, _A Tree for Poverty_. That book consisted of her translations of Somali tales and poems, the first into English of the literature of that ancient oral culture. She had also completed the manuscript of another novel, _The Stone Angel_ , which needed some revisions and did not yet have a publisher.
For over a year, Margaret and the children lived in difficult circumstances in a London flat, but after Christmas, 1963, they were able to move to the village of Penn, near High Wycombe in Buckinghamshire. There, they lived in a large house (Elm Cottage) set on spacious grounds which she rented at first, and later was able to purchase, from Alan Maclean of Macmillan, London.
While living in England, Laurence worked steadily on another novel and managed to complete a number of short stories which she sent to John Cushman, who was then handling her work at a New York agency. Her correspondence with him provides titles for some of those stories, for example, "The Holy War of Mr. Feather," "The Lilac Tea," "The Commotion is Elsewhere," and "Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah."
These appendices offers readers the opportunity to read the complete text of a previously unpublished story, "Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah," as well as two relatively unknown stories by Margaret Laurence. Because she routinely destroyed earlier versions of her work, as well as material that was never published, readers have here the unusual opportunity of seeing examples of her short fiction apart from the well-known Manawaka stories in _A Bird in the House_ or the collection of her African short stories, _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_.
"Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah," which was never published despite Cushman's enthusiasm for it, remained in the files of the agency. "A Queen in Thebes," a grim tale, which she called "almost a fable," was published in _Tamarack Review_ , Summer 1964. Another story, "A Fable — For the Whaling Fleets," written almost twenty years later, appeared in _Whales: A Celebration_ , an anthology compiled and edited by Greg Gatenby. An indication of this story's significance to Laurence lies in the fact that she decided to include it in the second part of her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth_.
These three stories shed light on the range of Laurence's talent in short fiction as well as science fiction. Readers may speculate about what other narrative styles Margaret Laurence might have developed along similar lines or in entirely new directions.
### APPENDIX A
### Mrs. Cathcart,
In and Out of Purdah
Although Margaret Laurence's agent, John Cushman, was enthusiastic about "Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah," which she sent him in 1964, he was unable to place Laurence's story and it remained in his archives. Since very few documents or other materials relating to her unpublished works are extant, this story holds special interest.
In fashioning "Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah," Laurence relied not only on reading and imagination, but also on her personal experience and observations. She had spent November 1963 in East Pakistan, where she joined her husband for a month. In a letter to the writer Ethel Wilson, Margaret described their holiday. Jack took leave from his engineering project and they traveled extensively, visiting the Chittagong hills region, Calcutta, Kaptai, and the province of Orissa on the Bay of Bengal where they saw the famous Black Pagoda of Konarak.
As both a traveler and a resident in British colonial territories, Laurence felt deep disquiet about the effects of imperialism. Some years later, when she came to write _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ , a travel-memoir about her experiences in the British Somaliland Protectorate, she grappled with innumerable revisions of chapter 14, "The Imperialists." As she looked back on her experiences, she was not satisfied with her depiction of the British in that colonial setting, a theme she felt had been addressed many times by other writers. In addition, she had come to feel that the subject was now more or less obsolete due to the changed political situation in former British colonies. In "Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah," however, Laurence offers a light touch on the serious topic of British colonials abroad.
In Laurence's story, Mrs. Cathcart, a widow of a British High Court Judge in India, relates to her friend Dorcas an incident from her younger married days there. Although the frame story takes place in London, the setting for the story that she relates is Chittagong, in East Pakistan (now Bangladesh), in the northeastern portion of the Indian subcontinent.
Mrs. Cathcart is a decisive, at times, impetuous woman who has managed, even as the wife of a High Court judge, to carve out a life for herself. The story deals with the question of purdah, the role of women, the possibility of forgiveness, and issues of local culture and custom in a colonial situation. Laurence's handling of these matters displays a wit and ironic playfulness that undergirds her more serious critique of the British enterprise.
#### Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah
"Sitting one day in Chittagong," Mrs. Cathcart began, "I was dreaming of the ageing prince, my lover, who was at that moment, or so I supposed, translating his Icelandic sagas in his bedsitting room in Stepney."
This, I knew, was the famous Sven, who was unfortunately no longer with us.
"Was it Stepney?" I enquired tactlessly. "And was he, honestly, a prince?"
"Your sense of dramatic emphasis, dear child," Mrs. Cathcart replied coldly, "is certainly most limited. He could not have been more of a prince to me if he had been Hamlet himself. You exemplify quite strikingly the reasons why writers nowadays are so dull. No flights. Or else such peculiar ones, somehow lacking in enjoyment."
She looked at me with her misleadingly Roman stare like the marble head of some emperor. Then her severe features softened, and I thought I was probably in for an afternoon's recital of past flights.
"Get back to Chittagong," I suggested.
Mrs. Cathcart, her grey hair ringletted in uncertain but hopeful defiance of contemporary sleekness, poured us both another sherry. Despite her limited means as the widow of a civil servant, she never failed to have a sherry on hand. "Earnest beggars cannot be choosers, of course," Mrs. Cathcart used to say, "but for modified beggars like myself it is only too easy. If you can buy Cyprus for nine bob a bottle, why on earth buy British at six and six, so deadly sweet, even the dry, like turpentine and saccharine." I accepted the glass from her and we toasted silently the dead Icelandic poet, whose turbulent association with her had extended over a quarter century. Poets, I felt, were more comfortably loved when dead, and I would have been willing to bet money that Mrs. Cathcart shared this view, but loyally she would never have said.
"Yes, Chittagong," she mused. "Well, I was thinking of him, naturally, and pondering the fact that it would be seven months before my dear Cathcart went on leave, and I with him, and there was Sven, miserably situated, or so I hoped, lacking my presence, and there was I, breaking my mid-morning boredom with an orange squash on the verandah of Circuit House, where we stayed when the High Court was in session in that area, and there was Cathcart, bless him, dispensing justice up there in that vast red-painted tomb they called the Court House, not a bit of use, as everyone knew, but he was filled with duty and so on, so what could anyone do, dear child?"
"What happened," She would go on in a contemplative vein for hours unless some check were applied.
"It was a shrill and piercing voice," Mrs. Cathcart explained, "that drew me out of myself. I rose – summoned, as it were, and left the screened verandah. All was orderly there, you understand, bamboo furniture and corpulent cushions in decorous pastels, and a ceiling fan twirling around persistently as though to cool the air by an act of will. I walked out onto the road, where the glaze of the sun was quite beyond my describing – a steady and sombre sun, Dorcas, not as warm as we understand warmth but merely devitalizing, a power that turns even the really well-intentioned into dullards. I, dear child, was well-intentioned in those days. It was my affliction. I walked out into the sun and the red dusty road, and looked for the voice that had commanded me so peremptorily there."
"And it was — ?"
"How I hate to be hurried," Mrs. Cathcart complained, fanning herself with the _Sunday Times_ , quite absurdly, for her Putney flat, encumbered with camel saddles, carved brass tables and innumerable silver filigree boxes, was almost sub-Arctic at this time of year. "If you would leave me alone, Dorcas, I would do this sort of thing much better."
"I'm sorry," I murmured falsely.
"Well, of course you are not sorry, dear child, and why should you be? You are thinking – the bloody old bitch, why does she not get on with it? The trouble is that we are all bound by the style of our contemporaries. Mine is more leisurely than yours. You will get ulcers, Dorcas, or perish in some flamboyant nervous breakdown, but all that is nonsense to me. With us, if we went mad it was done more politely. Your generation – contrary to popular belief – has the better morals, but we had the better manners. When I emerged onto the street that day, I perceived that the voice was the whine of a beggar woman."
"One of the many?"
"Yes – the many. I was always a liberal at heart, Dorcas, and like all liberals I had a rather squeamish stomach. She stood beside the gutter, as though she had been waiting for me, expressly for me. She was demanding alms in the name of Allah. Not in the name of herself, naturally. In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful. I do not know why she would have affected me, suddenly, more powerfully than the beggars I saw every day. She was emaciated, I need hardly say. She seemed to have no outer shape, only the inner one of the bones. Her flesh was virtually non-existent, and her skin was draped rather loosely around her, as a piece of frail silk might be draped over a body and yet contrive to reveal every line of it. Her skin lay in just such a relationship to her skeleton. She was terribly crippled, and used one large and clumsy crutch. It did seem to me that the enormous quantity of massed bandage on her left leg was slightly exaggerated. For this, however, I could in no way blame her. I did not have the right, you understand, to blame her for anything. Even had she committed murder, I would have been forced to keep my silence. I was not like Cathcart, whose duty it was to judge, poor man. I stood facing this slight and grotesque bundle of rags and bones. It seemed incredible that she could be alive, breathing, feeling what kind of pain one did not dare think, or perhaps dulled by too much of it, and living now, for all we knew, in a semi-consciousness, drugged not by opium or hashish but by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."
"Outrageous is the exact word, isn't it?"
"Yes, and fortune too, something so arbitrary. Shakespeare knew everything. Everything."
"He wasn't referring to a Bengali beggar woman."
"Nonsense," Mrs. Cathcart said. "What makes you think he wasn't? To get on, however – one is caught in a peculiar situation in countries where beggars abound. There is really no use in giving alms at all, in one sense. It is only what you, with your more robust idiom, would call a spit in the ocean. Yet, on the other hand, persons can only be thought of in terms of one – one at a time. You have to begin with one. It is the only number which has any meaning. Or do we give alms solely to soothe ourselves even if only monetarily? I opened my handbag, which I habitually carried with me because of my husband's contention that all servants were light-fingered. I took out a few annas and gave them to her. I then found myself looking into her dark and absolutely impenetrable eyes, and unexpected words were issuing from my mouth. I was saying to her – _"Forgive me. Forgive me."_
Mrs. Cathcart poured herself a little more sherry. She swirled it gently around in her glass and then drank it in one long swallow, like a film cowboy in a saloon. She did this, I knew, to emphasize that she was a study in contrasts, and also, perhaps, because she feared my reaction to her confession, if that was what it was.
"I did not have the sense to say these words in English," she went on, "which the old woman would not have understood. No, no. Nothing but meaningful words for me. I spoke in Bengali, in which I was reasonably fluent in those days. Odd – I can scarcely remember a word of it now. This is not due to the onset of extreme age, as you might imagine, but to a desire to forget. I recalled as I spoke that I was the wife of a judge, and was expected to behave like a relatively superior type of memsahib. Nevertheless, there was I, standing in some sort of supplication before her."
"Did she know at all what you were asking?"
"I don't suppose so. She looked at me as though she thought I were suffering from sunstroke, and then she hobbled away, shrieking her thin bitter cry to other passers-by. I saw then that she did not forgive me, that she could not have done so, even if she had known what I wanted from her. I also saw that what I had asked her could never be asked, or perhaps only of God, if one had happened to have the gift of faith. A rickshaw was passing, and I hailed it. I hated taking these rickshaws, always because it pained me to see a man forced into the role of a beast of burden. But all I achieved by my fastidiousness was to deny work and therefore food to someone. One really cannot win, you see. The thing is overwhelming – there is no end to their dilemma and our own. That morning my need overcame my scruples. I instructed the rickshaw man to take me to the bazaar."
"Why?"
"I did not have the faintest idea why. Not everything can be explained, you know, Dorcas. The centre of the town was like a maze, a fantasy of wildly winding streets that seemed to shift and squirm like snake coils as one looked at them, and senile shacks that served as shops. Merchandise of all varieties was dancing around, displaying itself – saris of midnight blue or magenta or pure clear orange, silver bangles and necklaces, boots and soap, mangoes and bananas. Amid all this muddle the eternal hordes of people pushed their way past one another and past the bullock carts and shambling goats that cluttered up the entire place – you know the sort of thing."
"Yes."
"No, of course you don't. No one does, who hasn't been there. I wish you wouldn't agree with me for the sake of agreement. I instructed the rickshaw man to let me out, and then I walked. I was led quite literally by my footsteps and was perfectly certain that I would arrive somewhere. Then I was a sign above a doorway. It said in faded lilac lettering, _Mr. Abdul Kahliq Khan, Magician_. Instantly I entered, and although the dwelling was of a dilapidated nature on the outside and the door was shaky and half devoured by termites, I found myself standing in a cool and not unpleasant room. Two high-backed chairs and a table were the only furniture. A huge brass jar stood on the floor, filled with pink lilies. On one of the chairs sat Mr. Khan. He was dressed in evening dress of a not entirely new appearance, and on his head he wore a small solar topee, khaki in colour. He was a middleaged man, rather on the stout side, and his ample black moustache looked too villainous for his curiously soft-featured face and placid although definitely sad eyes.
"'Sit down, madam,' he said, most courteously. 'You wish to see my magic, of course?' I told him yes, that was why I had come. 'Splendid,' he said. 'Which trick would you like to see first? I am a well-qualified magician, madam. I have studied magic arts two years Lahore, two years Karachi, and one further year I was studying under teachership of internationally well-known Doctor Choudhury, Calcutta. For me, all things are possible. I am using, you see, arts of sleight-of-hand, arts of mesmerism, arts of hypnotism, and arts of illusion of every variety.' He then took out his equipment, which included packs of cards, ropes, a large handkerchief, four longish knives, a skull with the lower jaw missing and red wool pompoms in the eye-holes and nose. I sat patiently while he was performing. He pulled cards and rupee notes from the air, and did other tricks of the usual kind. Then, as though he knew all this had been merely a preliminary, he leaned across the table and said, 'What shall I make to disappear?' This gave me an exceedingly apprehensive feeling."
Mrs. Cathcart paused, and her eyes, catching mine, smiled.
"I not only thought, you see, Dorcas, that he would try to make me disappear. I thought he would succeed."
I could not imagine Mrs. Cathcart disappearing. I told her so, and she sighed.
"Well, no more could I," she admitted. "I was full of spiritual pride in those days. I begged him not to make me disappear, and he chortled, rather like gargling, in the depths of his throat. 'No, no, madam,' he said, shaking a finger at me, 'you will not get off that easily, never in this world.' I asked him then what I should do. I was filled with an unreasonable confidence that he would be able to tell me. 'Not yet,' he chided me gently. 'First you must tell me what you want me to make disappear.' Quite calmly, then, I told him about the beggar woman. He shook his head. 'I am well-qualified magician, madam, but for me this is not possible. You are troubling yourself without due cause. You have good heart, dear lady – what more do you want? Please pardon me, but your demand seems unreasonable to the extremity.' I asked him once more what I should do. Mr. Khan brooded for awhile, his forefinger laid flat along his nose. 'Must you do something?' he asked. I nodded. Then all at once his face brightened in revelation. 'You will assist understanding between our two peoples', he said. He sounded most relieved to have come up with an answer. Well, I ask you, Dorcas. I was a liberal at my heart, dear child, but I was not a dunce. I could scarcely see myself preaching to the Romans, under circumstances that would inevitably be ludicrous. I murmured as much to Mr. Khan. Again he chuckled. He seemed inordinately fond of laughing at odd moments, and I was rather put out, to tell you the truth. Then he spoke in a low and even confidential tone. 'You have forgotten, madam,' he said, 'that your Saint Paul gave himself the following name, containing great embarrassment and dignity. _The Fool of God._ ' As he spoke, I sat silently, with my head lowered. I was, of course, infinitely surprised."
Mrs. Cathcart accepted a cigarette and puffed at it reflectively. She smoked a good deal, and her ring-laden fingers were stained with nicotine, but she never liked this to be noticed and always held a cigarette gingerly, as though she were unaccustomed.
"You must not suppse," she said, "that I was comparing myself to Saint Paul."
I laughed, thinking I would not put it past her. She laughed, too, and I seemed to hear in her voice an echo of Mr. Khan's ironic chortling.
"Well, perhaps you are right," she said. "Spiritual pride again. How one longs to save. And in the end, you have not done too badly if you have managed to save even a fragment of yourself. However, when I looked up, I discovered what it was that Mr. Khan had finally made to disappear."
"What?"
"Himself," Mrs. Cathcart said triumphantly. "He had quite vanished. I left the place then and returned to my apartment at Circuit House. On the way back I remembered I had asked a number of other European women, mainly wives of the judiciary, in for tea that afternoon, it being my turn to do so. I had missed lunch, but I was just in time to bathe and dress before my guests arrived."
"The tea parties were a duty?" I asked.
"Oh, largely, yes," Mrs. Cathcart replied, and yet I have to admit that there was always a portion of me which did not at all mind holding court. This was what alarmed me, Dorcas, as you can well imagine. The conversation, however, was usually confined to the misdeeds of servants, or the morals of various members of the European community not at the moment present, so one was not keenly stimulated, as it were."
"In fact, it was boring as hell."
"Hell," Mrs. Cathcart remakred, "would almost certainly not be quite that boring. Or – yes – perhaps you are right, and that is hell. Everyone speaking, but soundlessly, if you see what I mean, as though through some unsuitable medium such as water, and what emerges into the listeners' ears is merely a few small fish-bubbles of sound. That afternoon we had with us the wife of the Chief Justice. Phoebe Mortimer. She was a doer. An extremely progressive woman."
I lifted my eyebrows questioningly, not sure what definition Mrs. Cathcart gave to 'progressive'.
"I mean," she explained, "that she knew herself to be in complete possession of the truth, and was most generous in her desire to share this spiritual wealth with others. At that time, she was especially concerned with the question of _purdah."_
_"Purdah?"_
"Yes, dear child. The local populace was largely Muslim, and their women were covered from head to toe in voluminous garments, usually black, with the merest slit for the eyes. Some of the wives of professional men were beginning to emerge, but slowly and with enormous hesitance. Phoebe was explaining to the assembled company that afternoon that progress would be impeded indefinitely unless the women of the country could be persuaded to abandon these tent-like disguises and take their rightful place and so on. All very true, in one way, of course."
"But —?"
"Well, yes. I did suggest that it might not be such a simple matter, but Phoebe tended to insist and naturally everyone else agreed with her. 'The men here will never grant equality until the women demand it,' she said. 'It is precisely the same as it was with the suffragettes in England, except that the Bengalis do not have the same intelligence and sheer drive. I am afraid these women will never demand anything. So essential to make them see they must, but very discouraging, as they are so sheeplike and not overly bright.' Well, Dorcas, I was in an awkward spot, as you will appreciate. Because of course I did believe in the equality of women, and all that, but – oh, difficult to say. I was recalling Mr. Khan and everything, and I felt quite despondent. I was not an entirely calm person in those days. _The Fool of God_. I could not forget the magician's words."
Mrs. Cathcart sighed and accepted another cigarette. "A week went by. I then invited for tea the same group of people, including the strong-charactered Phoebe, who really did intimidate me, rather."
"You?"
"I," Mrs. Cathcart said, smiling. "There – you see, Dorcas? One can be a broken reed without everyone else's being aware of it, as one feels they must be. I wish you would remember in your less elated moments."
"I will," I promised.
"No, you won't," she contradicted. "One never does. In any event, the ladies gathered, and tea was brought, and everything was amicable. Phoebe was holding forth with her accustomed lucidity on the necessity of European wives not closeting themselves in their compounds in slovenly fashion (true, true, thus far, all true, Dorcas!) but going forth and telling Bengali women how to lead emancipated lives, and as we all know, the hand that rocks the cradle may yet rule the world, etcetera. I excused myself and went into my bedroom. After a short while I returned. I was, you might say, in a drastically altered state. I had changed."
"How so?" My impatience was verging on annoyance. Mrs. Cathcart knew it and treasured it. She smiled distantly, loving every moment, and I marvelled, even as I was nearly ready to throttle her.
"I was wearing a cotton skirt, dear child," she said, "a light leaf-green cotton patterned rather fetchingly with golden spiderwebs. I was bare from the waist up."
"You don't mean it?"
"Indeed. I had in those days, I may say, breasts that were not unattractive. Not large, but distinct and – not unattractive. I walked slowly into the gathering of women. A silence, as I had anticipated, fell. It crossed my mind at that instant that I was an exhibitionist, nothing less and certainly nothing more. But I had chosen. I could not turn back. Phoebe, in particular, was looking at me wideeyed, as one would at someone who has suddenly taken leave of her senses. 'I have come out of purdah,' I said. 'This, for us, must be comparable to their dropping the veil. There is nothing actually wrong in revealing one's breasts, is there? But I have to tell you that I feel – although we are all women – somewhat shy, and would really prefer to be clad.'"
"Well, bless you," I said impulsively.
"Bless me nothing," Mrs. Cathcart retorted. "At that precise moment the front door opened and in walked my husband Claude, accompanied by Trevelyn Mortimer the Chief Justice, and four other members of the judiciary. I need hardly say, Dorcas, that they remained frozen in their tracks. I looked at them with considerable dismay. 'Please do not misunderstand me,' I said clearly and with deliberation. 'I was seeking only to demonstrate that Muslim women might possibly have the same feelings against the discarding of _purdah_ as we do towards – ah – ' I could say no more. What was there to say? I folded my arms inadequately across my exposed bosom and stood there, waiting to be in some fashion released. Then Claude spoke. He was, Dorcas, invariably able to take command of a situation. Within himself he was an excessively reserved man, but no one would ever have guessed it. He had a more convincing poise than anyone I have ever known – perhaps that is why I married him. He did not become angry, at least not visibly. He merely said, 'I think we can take it that you have registered your point of view, Felicity. You may now go and clothe yourself.'"
"And did you?"
"Ah yes," Mrs. Cathcart said. "I departed with all the nervous haste of a tropical cockroach. I did not appear again until everyone had gone."
"Was your husband really angry?"
"Yes, dear child, he was livid, as a matter of fact. I said to him, 'Claude, I was only trying to discover the truth.' And he said – with complete justification in his terms, Dorcas – 'If one were to attempt that at every waking moment, the entire civilized world would crumble. One must consider not only what is true, Felicity, but what is suitable.' By this time I was becoming worked up, and was also ready to cloak my embarrassment with anger. 'You need not misinterpret me,' I said to him. 'I am no Lady Godiva.; He looked at me very coldly. 'That may quite well be so,' he replied, 'but I should prefer, nonetheless, that you never grew your hair too long, Felicity – it might prove too tempting as an only garment.'"
"What was the upshot?"
"Oh, quite the wrong one, ethically," Mrs. Cathcart said. "Claude decided I had gone round the bend, as people sometimes do in such places. He sent me home six months before him, for a rest. I had sought expiation for my lack of suffering, Dorcas, and that was what I got instead – a gift I did not deserve."
"You found Sven, though?"
"I found him," Mrs. Cathcart said, a trifle grimly, "in the arms of a female Bulgarian artist of dubious character."
"Whom you despatched speedily, no doubt?"
"I would not say speedily," Mrs. Cathcart replied. "It took me the better part of a fortnight."
I laughed. "What do you take as the meaning of the whole thing?"
"Meaning?" she said. "You remind me of myself, some years ago. I almost wish I had not told you. I did not intend to impart meaning to you, Dorcas. I wanted only to entertain you, and to hold you here with me for awhile, because I am not over-blessed with company these days."
Then Mrs. Cathcart emptied the last of the Cyprus sherry into our glasses, dividing it evenly.
"Come, dear child," she said. "Let us drink to justice."
### APPENDIX B
### A Fable — For the Whaling Fleets
"A Fable — For the Whaling Fleets" was written in August 1981 in response to a request from Greg Gatenby, who was then compiling an anthology of whale and dolphin art, poetry, prose, and fiction, in order to raise funds to donate to the Greenpeace Foundation for its program to save whales.
Laurence's fable was published in _Whales: A Celebration_ , edited by Gatenby (Toronto: Prentice Hall/Lester & Orpen Denys, 1983). It was later set to music by Dr. Jack Behrens of the Glenn Gould School of Music of the Royal Conservatory of Music, Toronto. First performed by _Trillium Plus_ on March 31, 1985 at the London (Ontario) Regional Art Gallery with author Margaret Laurence as narrator, it was later revised and issued on a CD, _Water Music_ , which also includes works by John Cage and Erik Satie.
Although "A Fable — For the Whaling Fleets" has not attracted the attention of Laurence critics or scholars, its importance lies in showing another side of Laurence's literary imagination. In this fable, the position of the animal world (whales) and that of the human world is reversed, and leads to an unexpected ending.
As the scholar Matthew Hodgart points out, fables are stories in which the non-human behaves like the human, and a simple moral point is made. Although fables descend from folk-tales, their written literary manifestation achieved a high degree of acclaim in works by, among others, La Fontaine in the seventeenth century, and James Thurber in the twentieth century. Although Margaret Laurence is not known as a satirist, she worked intensively with fables while fashioning her English translations of Somali and Arabic tales in _A Tree for Poverty_ (1954), and throughout her literary career showed a penchant for paradoxes and reversals.
#### A Fable – For the Whaling Fleets
Imagine the sky creatures descending to our earth. They are very different from humankind. We have known of their existence, although we cannot truly conceive of the realms in which they live. Sometimes a tiny thing has fallen to earth violently, lifeless when we found it, like a lost bird with wings broken and useless. But the sky creatures are not birds. They are extremely intelligent beings. Their brains, although not as large as ours, have been developed for complex and subtle use. They bear their young live from the mothers' bodies, as humans do, and nourish them from the breast. Although they live in the highest heights, we breathe the same air. Like us, they have language, and like humankind they have music and song. They care for their young, love them and teach them in the ways of their species. But when they loom low over our lands in their strong air vessels, they hunt humanity with the death sticks. At first there are only a few of them, then more and more. There are fewer and fewer human beings. The sky creatures make use of the dead bodies of our children, of our hunted young women and young men, of our elders. The flesh of our dead children is eaten by the sky creatures and their slaves. The fat from the bodies of our loved children gives oil which is used by the sky creatures in various ways – much of it goes to make unguents and creams for their vanity. They do not need to hunt humans in order to survive. They continue to slaughter us out of greed. Some of their number believe the slaying is wrong. Some of them sing their songs to us, and we in return answer with our own songs. Perhaps we will never be able to speak in our human languages to those who speak the sky creatures' languages. But song is communication, respectful touch and trust are ways of knowing. Too many of them, however, do not think in this manner, do not have these feelings. Too many of them hear the sounds and songs of humanity but do not sense the meanings. Too many do not see our beauty as beauty, our music as music, our language as language, our thoughts as thoughts, for we are different from the sky creatures. Our songs are lost to their ears, and soon may be lost even to our own earth, when the last of humankind is hunted and slain and consumed. If that terrifying time should come, then our love, our mirth, our knowledge, our joy in life, will disappear forever, and God will mourn, for the holy spirit that created the sky creatures and gave them the possibility of the knowledge of love, also created us with the same possibilities, we who are the earthlings, humankind.
### APPENDIX C
### A Queen in Thebes
Margaret Laurence's short story "A Queen in Thebes" was published in _Tamarack Review_ (1964). Set in a world destroyed by nuclear catastrophe, the story addresses several themes that appear later in her novel _The Fire-Dwellers_ , where Stacey, the anxious and fearful central character, lives in a world threatened by nuclear annihilation. Laurence referred to "A Queen in Thebes," as "a kind of horror story" and called it "one of the bleakest stories" she had ever written.
This story is unique in the Laurence canon. It holds special significance, moreover, because the archives contain incisive comments about it that she made in a letter responding to a request for permission to include "A Queen in Thebes" in a Science Fiction module planned for a correspondence course under the auspices of the Ontario Ministry of Education. Her response offers a rare opportunity to read Laurence's extended remarks about one of her short stories.
In 1981, Laurence made the following comments in a letter to Fred Farr who had sought permission to use "A Queen in Thebes":
The story suggests that people still may struggle towards humanity.... But it also suggests that survival as human beings is virtually impossible in total isolation, without other people, without human society.
In effect, it is a fantasy look at a post-nuclear world, and an extremely bleak look, in which two isolated humans have been cut off forever from the society of humankind.
If there is a message, and I guess there is, it is that terrifying and awful and flawed though our human society is, we must try to better it, not destroy it.
The reference in the title is to Queen Jocasta, the wife of Oedipus in the ancient Greek play by Sophocles, _Oedipus Rex_. Laurence, however, intended the reference to be ironic. She wrote: "The queen in this post-nuclear 'Thebes' is queen of nothing; her son suffers no remorse; they have both become less aware of the human condition than the Greeks of thousands of years ago were. The woman has been so deeply damaged by the loss of her husband, her world, everything, and by the experience of bringing up her son alone in a world devoid of other humans (as far as she is able to discover), that she ultimately loses her grip on her own identity and even loses her memory of her own name (which may or may not have been Jocasta)."
The relationships between the characters, which shift over time, as well as the descriptions of their world are suggestive of the point that Laurence wished to make, namely, "that survival as human beings is virtually impossible in total isolation, without other people, without human society." Writing about this story twenty years after it had been published, Laurence noted that although in her fiction she had dealt with a multiplicity of themes and war had come into all her Manawaka books, "the terrible tragedies of World Wars I and II," she subsequently decided to take action not only through fiction, but "as a citizen" in an effort to address the issues of a nuclear threat and the devastation caused by war. She served then on the boards of Ploughshares and Energy Probe, contributed newspaper articles, and delivered an important and oft quoted academic lecture, "My Final Hour" at Trent University.
#### A Queen in Thebes
Fear of a war was not what had taken them to the cottage in the mountains. Everyone had feared war for so long that it seemed it might never happen after all. Nerves cannot be kept on edge year in and year out without making the possibility of devastation seem impossible in the face of the continuing realities – the newspapers delivered each day to the door, the passing of seasons, the favourite TV serials which would, everyone somehow felt, continue in spite of the fires of hell or the Day of Judgement. No, they had simply gone to the mountains because it would be good to get the baby out of the stifling city for the summer, into the cooler air and the quiet. It was a long way for her husband to drive for the weekends, but he said he did not mind, and later in the summer he would be getting his two weeks' holiday. Her husband had built the cottage the year they were married. It was only a shack, really, and it was not close to any settlement or town. They had to bring in all their supplies, and they decided to have the tinned goods sent in all at once, by truck, enough to last the summer, so her husband would not have to bother with much shopping when he came up on the weekends. Although it was isolated, it was a place they both loved. The lake was nearby, azure, and alive with fishes, and the pine and tamarack brushed their low-sweeping boughs against the windows as the night wind stirred them. Her husband spent a day in getting enough firewood for a week, making certain everything was all right.
"You don't mind being alone here with Rex?" he said. "If anything happens, you can always walk down the hill to Benson's Garage, and phone me."
She was afraid, but she did not say so. He went back to the city then. The day after he left, the sky turned to fire, as though the sun had exploded.
The city was a long way off, down on the plains, too far for the death to reach here, but she saw it like the disintegrating sun, the light like no other light, a dark illumination and not the health which we associate with light. Then the dust cloud formed like the shape of a giant and poisonous toadstool, and she knew the thing had come which everyone had feared. She herself had feared it until it no longer seemed real, and now it had come. She did not scream or cry, after the first unbelieving cry. She hid her eyes, lest the sight damage them. She ran into the cottage and sat quite still. It grew dark, and the baby was crying. She fed him, picking him up with small stiff movements of her hands. Then she put him into his bed and he went to sleep. She did not think at all of the cloud or the light of the death, or of how it would be this moment in what had been the city. She was waiting for her husband to arrive.
In the morning, she looked out and saw the sun rising. The fire of it glowed red and quiet in the sky. For an instant she gazed at it in panic. Then she drew the curtains across the windows so the light would not infect her or the baby. Everything was all right, she calmed herself. It was only that she had never been away from people before, although she was twenty years old. Either her family or her husband had always been with her. He will soon come, she told herself. She fed the baby. Then she took out her purse mirror and combed her hair, so she would look nice when her husband arrived.
She lived this way for some days, going outside the shack only at night. Then one morning she knew the sun did not threaten her. She walked out in the daylight, although she still could not look directly at the sun. When she looked beyond the forest, in the direction of the far-off city, she remembered the death. She ran back to the shack and took the baby in her arms. She rocked him there, and for the first time she cried and could not stop. She mourned wordlessly, and when her tears were done and the violence of the pain had momentarily spent itself, she thought of herself and the baby. She set out, carrying the child, to find people.
When she reached the foot of the mountain, she found no one at Benson's Garage. The place had been deserted. The money was gone from the till, but otherwise everything had been left as it was. The people must have felt that they were not far enough away, thinking of the dust that could enter them in the air they breathed, rotting the blood and bone. They must have fled to some more distant and uncontaminated place. She wondered dully if they had found such a place, or if they had only run into other deaths, other polluted places, other cities shattered and lying like hulked shadows of the earth. She became afraid of the air now herself, and because she felt safer on the mountains, she wanted to start back. But she thought of the telephone, and an unreasoning hope possessed her. She was certain her husband was still somewhere and that she would be granted the miracle of his voice. She lifted the receiver and dialled. There was no response. She tried again and again, but there was no sound. She replaced the phone carefully, as though it mattered. Then she took the baby and began walking up the hill.
She knew she had to find people. In the days that followed, she walked long distances through the forest, marking her way so she would not get lost. She walked down the hill on every side, through the heavy bracken and the snarled bushes, until her legs and arms were bleeding with the small incisions of thorns and branches, and her arms ached with the fatigue of carrying the child, for she would not leave him alone in the shack. But in all her treks she found no one. At night she did not cry. She lay sleepless, her eyes open, listening to owls and wind, trying to believe what had happened.
The leaves of the poplar were turning a clear yellow, and she knew it was autumn. She looked with sudden terror at the tins of food on the shelves, and saw they were almost gone. She picked berries and cooked them on the wood stove, wondering how long they would keep. She had fished only to provide her daily needs, but now she caught as many fish as she could. She slit and cleaned them, and laid them out in the sun to dry. One afternoon she found a black bear from the forest, feeding on the outspread fish. She had no gun. At that moment she was not afraid of the animal. She could think only of the sun-dried fish, hers, the food she had caught. She seized a stick and flew at the bear. The creature, taken by surprise, looked at her with shaggy menace. Then it lumbered off into the green ferns and the underbrush.
Each evening now, when the child was asleep, she lighted one of the remaining candles for only a few minutes and looked at herself in the mirror. She saw her long brownish blond hair and her thin tanned face and eyes she hardly knew as hers. Sometimes she wondered if her husband would recognize her when he arrived. Then she would remember, and would pick up the child and hold him tightly, and speak his name.
"Rex – it's all right. We're going to be all right."
The baby, wakened by her tears, would be frightened, and then she would be sufficiently occupied in quieting him. Sometimes, after she had looked in the mirror, she would not recall what had happened. She would go to bed comforted by the thought of her husband's arrival and would sleep without dreaming of the human shadows which she had long ago heard were etched on stone, their grotesque immortality.
Only when the first snow fell did she really believe that her husband was dead. She wanted and needed to die then, too, but she could not bring herself to kill her son and she could not leave him alone, so she was condemned to life.
The winter went on and on, and she thought they would not live until spring. The snow was banked high around the shack, and in the forest the hollows were filled with white, a trap to her unsure feet. She stumbled and fell, gathering firewood, and her axe severed the leather of the old boots which had been her husband's, cutting deeply into her ankle. She bound the wound clumsily, not expecting it to heal. It did heal, but the muscle had been affected and she walked with difficulty for a long time. She and the child were always cold and usually hungry. The thought uppermost in her mind was that she had to keep the fire going. She became obsessed with the gathering of wood, and would go out and drag the spruce branches back, even when the pile of boughs outside the shack was still high.
She prayed for help to come, but none came. Gradually she stopped praying. She did not curse God, nor feel she had been deserted by Him. She simply forgot. God seemed related to what had once been and was no more. The room in her mind where the prayers had dwelt became vacant and uninhabited.
The thing she loved most was the sound of the child's voice. What she missed most now was not her husband's protective presence, nor his warmth, but the sound of human voices. The child was learning to talk, and soon they would be able to speak together, as people do. This thought heartened her.
When she looked in the mirror now, she saw how bony and drawn her face had become, but the wide eyes were harder than before, and an alertness lurked in them. Her hearing was becoming keener. She could hear the deer that approached the cabin at night, and she would look out at them, but although she tried making traps, she caught only an occasional jack-rabbit. Once, seeing the deer, their bodies heavy with meat, she took the axe and they vanished into the night forest where she dared not follow.
The dried fish were almost gone. She lived in a semi-conscious state, drugged by exhaustion and hunger. Even her despair had lost its edge and was only a dulled apprehension of hopelessness. One day she threw the bones of a rabbit out into the snow, and for a moment sank down beside them, summoning strength to walk back into the cabin. A flock of sparrows landed on the snow beside her and began to explore the gnawed bones. She remembered dimly having once put out bread crumbs for the birds in winter. Delicately, hardly realizing she was doing it, her hands moved with a swiftness she had not known she possessed. She reached out and seized. When she drew back her hands, she had a live sparrow in each. She throttled them between thumb and forefinger, and began to tear off the feathers even before the small wings had stopped palpitating. Stolidly, feeling nothing, she cooked the birds and ate them. Then she vomited, and frightened the child with the way she cried afterwards. But the next time, when she caught birds and felt the life ebbing away between her fingers, she did not vomit or cry.
When the days began to lengthen, and spring came, she did not know whether it mattered that she and Rex were still alive. She could not think ahead. When the pain took possession of her heart, she still believed that she did not care whether they lived or died. Yet every day she gathered the firewood and foraged for some kind of food, and nothing was loathsome to her now, if her teeth and stomach could turn it into one more day of life.
She had kept only an approximate accounting of seasons, but one day she realized that Rex must be nearly six years old. She was much stronger than she had been – how weak and stupid she had been in the early days, after the Change – but now the boy was almost as strong as she. He was better at trapping rabbits and birds, and when he went to the lake, he never came back without fish. He would lie for hours on the shore, watching where the fish surfaced and which reedy places in the shallows were most likely to contain them. His eyes were better than hers, and his ears, and he had discovered for himself how to walk through the forest noiselessly, without allowing the ferns and bracken to snap under his feet.
At first she had tried to teach him things from that other world – how to read and how to pray. But he only laughed, and after a while she laughed, too, seeing how little use it was to them. She taught him instead what she had learned here – always to keep the fire going, always to gather wood, how to uproot dandelions and how to find the giant slugs where they concealed themselves on the underside of fallen logs. Then, gradually and imperceptibly, the boy began to teach her.
He was standing in the doorway now, and across his shoulders was a young deer with its throat slit.
"Rex – where? How?" They did not speak together tenderly and at length, as she once imagined they would. Their days were too driven by the immediate matters of food, and in the evenings they wanted only to sleep. They spoke briefly, abruptly, exchanging only what was necessary.
The boy grinned. "I ran after it, and then I used my knife. You never tried. Why?"
"I tried," she said. She turned away. The boy was laughing softly to himself as he took the animal outside and began to skin it. She looked out the doorway at him as he squatted beside the deer, his face frowning in concentration as he tried to decide how to do something he had not done before. He took the skin off badly, and grew furious, and hacked at the slain animal with his knife. They ate meat that night, though, and that was what counted. But for the first time she felt a fear not of the many things that there were to fear outside, but of something inside the dwelling, something unknown. When the boy was sleeping, she took out her mirror and looked. I am strong, she thought. We can live. I have made this possible. But her own eyes seemed unfamiliar to her, and she looked at the image in the glass as though it were separate from herself.
The years were no longer years but seasons – the season of warmth and growth, when the green forest provided deer and the lake swarmed with fish; the season of coolness and ripening, when the berries reddened on the bushes; the season of snow and penetrating chill, when the greatest fear was that the fire might die. But when, after all the seasons of care, the fire did die, it happened in spring, when the melting snow drenched into the shack one night through the weakening timbers of the roof. She had left the iron lid off the old stove so it would draw better, for the wood was not quite dry. It was her fault that the fire had died, and both of them knew it. Rex was almost as tall as she was, now, and he grasped her wrist in his intensely strong hand and led her to see.
"You have killed the fire. Now what will we do? You are stupid, stupid, stupid!"
She looked at his other hand, which was clenched, and wondered if she dared draw away from his grip. Then some deep pride straightened her. She pried at the noose-like fingers which held her wrist, and she used her fingernails like talons. He let go and gazed his rage at her. Then he dropped his eyes. He was not yet full grown.
"What will we do?" he repeated.
She then saw that he was waiting for her to tell him, and she laughed – but silently, for she could not risk his hearing. She put her hands gently on his shoulders and stroked the pliant sun-browned skin until he turned to her and put his head against her in a gesture of need and surrender. Then, quickly, he jerked away, and stood facing her, his eyes bold and self-contained once more.
"I have tried to strike fire from stone," she said. "We must try again."
They did try, but the sparks were too light and fleeting, and the shreds of birch bark never caught fire. They ate their meat raw that summer, and when the evenings lengthened into the cool of autumn, they shivered under the deer hides that were their blankets.
Rex became ill on meat that had spoiled. They had both been sick before, many times, but never as badly as this. He vomited until his stomach was empty, and still he could not stop retching. She gave him water and sat beside him. There was nothing else she could do. The cabin was almost a wreck now, for although they had tried to repair it, they lacked sufficient tools, and Rex was not old enough yet to invent new and untried ways of building. They hardly moved outside for many days, and in this period the shack's mustiness and disrepair came to her consciousness as never before, and she looked with fear at the feeble timbers and the buckling walls, thinking of the winter. One night, when Rex's fever was at its height, and he lay silently, contracted with pain, she tried to think back to the distant times before the Change. She had forgotten her husband. But she remembered that some words used to be spoken, something powerful when everything else had failed.
"I should – pray," she said.
He opened his eyes. "Pray?"
She felt then, in some remote and dusty room of her mind, that she had not imparted to him something which was his due. There was always too much to do. She was too tired to talk much in the evenings.
"We used to speak of God," she said. "All life comes from God. Something great and powerful, greater than we are. When many people lived, they used to say these things."
The boy looked at her vacantly, not comprehending. Later, however, he asked her again, and she attempted once more to tell him.
"All life comes from God..." but she no longer understood this very well herself and could not express it.
Gradually the illness left, and Rex grew strong again. One day he came back to the shack and told her he had found a cave in the side of a cliff.
"It will be better for the winter," he said.
She knew he was right. They moved everything they had, the knives and axe, the worn utensils, the tattered blankets, the deer hides. When she left the shack she cried, and the boy looked at her in astonishment.
Late that summer there was a severe storm, and the lightning descended to earth all around them, gashes of white light streaking the sky and tearing apart the darkness. She crouched on the cave floor and hid her eyes, as she always did in the presence of a sudden violence of light. Her fear was mingled with a sorrow whose roots she could no longer clearly trace. The boy knelt beside her and put his hands on her hair, and spoke to her, not roughly but quietly. He was afraid of the lightning, too, for he had learned her fear. But he was less afraid than she. He had no memory, not even her dim and confused ones, of any other life.
When the storm was over, they saw that the lightning had set the forest ablaze, a long way off, on the crest of the hill beyond their territory. The boy went off by himself. He was away for several days and nights, but when he returned he was carrying a smouldering pine torch. Their fire came to life again, and as it flared up in the circle of stones on the floor of the dark cave, the boy made an involuntary movement, as though compelled by something beyond his own decision. He raised his hands and bowed his head. Then, as though feeling that this was not enough, he knelt on the rock of the cave floor. He looked up and saw her standing immobile beside him, and his eyes became angry. With a sharp downward motion of his hand, he signalled what she was to do.
Slowly, doubtfully, and then as she stared at him at last unresisting, she went down onto her knees beside the circle of stones that contained the live fire. Together they knelt before the god.
One day she looked at Rex and saw he was much taller than she. He killed deer now mainly with his spear, and unless it was an exceptionally dry summer when the deer moved away in search of grazing, they were always well supplied with meat. The boy's hair grew down around his shoulders, but he lopped it off with his knife when it grew too long, for it got in his way when he was not hunting. The hair was growing now on his face, but he did not bother to cut this. Age had no meaning for them, but she tried to count, as they counted the dried fish and strips of dried venison for the winter. The boy would be fifteen, perhaps, or sixteen.
She told him, without knowing in advance that she was going to say it, that the time had come for them to try once more to find the people. They thought of them as The People, those who perhaps lived somewhere beyond the mountain. She believed in their existence, but Rex believed only occasionally.
"There are no people," he said now.
"Yes," she said. "We must try."
"Why?" he asked.
She did not reply. She could only repeat the same words, over and over. "We must try." Rex shrugged.
"You go, then."
So she went alone, walking through the forest, descending into gullies where the loose shale slid under her feet, drinking face down from mountain streams, trapping squirrel and rabbit when she could. For many days and nights she travelled, but she did not find the people. Once she came to some dwellings, a few houses with weeds grown into the doorways, but they were deserted except for the mice and rats which eyed her, unblinking, from the corners of the dusty floors. Finally she knew she could not travel far enough. She was not any longer certain, herself, that the people really existed. She turned and started back.
When she reached the mountain once more, and entered the cave, Rex looked different, or else her time away from him had enabled her to see him differently.
"You are back," he said, with neither gladness nor regret.
But that evening in front of the fire, she saw he really had changed. He knelt as before, but more hastily, more casually, as though it were not quite so important as it had been. He saw her questioning eyes.
"I was wrong," he explained.
"Wrong?" she was bewildered.
He indicated the fire. "This one is small. There is – something else."
He did not say anything more. He turned away and went to sleep. He wakened her at dawn and told her to come outside the cave. He pointed to the sun, which was appearing now over the lake, a red globe in the pale sky of morning.
"Our fire comes from there. The voices told me when you were not here. I was alone, and I could hear them. They were waiting for you to go away. You do not hear the voices. Only I can hear them, when I am alone."
He spoke almost pityingly, and with a certainty she had not heard before. She wanted to cry out against what he said, but she did not know why, nor what she could say to him.
"Look..." he said. "You look."
He knew she could not look directly at the sun. She feared, always, that the sight would damage her. The man grinned and turned his face to the sky.
"I can look," he said. "I can look at God. The fire comes from there. He does as He wishes. If He is pleased, then all things will go well. If He is angry, then we will suffer."
He went into the cave and brought forth the liver and heart of the deer he had killed the evening before. He laid these on a raised slab of stone. He brought a pine brand and made a fire underneath the entrails. Then he knelt, not as he had inside the cave, but prostrating himself, forehead to the earth in obeisance.
"Shall I kneel?" she asked him.
"Yes," he said. "But you are not to touch this stone and this fire and this meat. That is for me to do."
She obeyed. There was nothing else she could do. When he had gone to the lake to fish, she went to the corner of the cave where the cooking pots were piled. She had dug a niche into the rock, and here her secret possession lay. She took out the bundle of dried leaves, unfolded them carefully, and held the mirror in her hands. She looked into it for a long time. It calmed her, as though it were a focus for the scattered fragments of herself. Dream and daylight hovered in uncertain balance within her, always. Only when she looked in the mirror did she momentarily know she really existed.
"What is that?" The man's voice was harsh. She glanced up and quickly tried to conceal what she held in her hands. She had never allowed him to see her looking at herself. He had never seen the mirror. He had seen his own image in the quivering lakewater, but never the sharp, painful, and yet oddly reassuring picture she had of her own cruel and gentle eyes.
"It is nothing," she told him.
He took hold of her hand and forced it open. He looked at the shining object. His face was puzzled, but only for an instant. He glanced out the cave entrance to the sky and the mid-morning sun. Then he hurled the mirror from his hand, and it shattered against the rock of the cave walls. After that, he hit her, again and again and again.
"You are unclean!" he cried.
She knew then he was afraid of her, too. They were afraid of each other.
The season went by, and she kept no account of time. Generally she was content. She sat crosslegged now on the wide ledge outside the cave entrance. She was scraping a deer hide with the bone blade Rex had made. He had discovered, on one of his longer trips, a place where the people used to live and where pieces of iron lay rusting, and he had brought some back and fashioned spearheads and knives and an axe. But these were kept for his use, for he needed them more in hunting than she did in scraping the hides and making them into clothes. It was slow work, this, but she did not mind. The sun of late spring warmed her, and the raw trilling of frogs from the lake made her feel glad, for this was a good time of year, with hunger gone. The fish and game were plentiful, and the roots and leaves of the dandelions were succulent and tender.
The pointed shadow of the altar stone on the rock ledge told her that he would soon be back from the forest. She must prepare food, for he would be hungry when he returned. He did not like to be kept waiting. That was as it should be. A man was hungry after hunting.
But still she sat in the sunshine, drowsing over her work. Then the insinuating voice began, humming its tune inside her, and she blinked and shook her head as though to shake the whispered song away, for when it came to her she felt threatened and unsafe and she did not want to listen. Rex said the voices came only to him. But she heard this voice occasionally, unknown to him, in the deep quietness of the morning, when the birds were suddenly still, or in the wind that brushed through the forest at night. She did not recall when the voice had begun. She did not have a name for herself, as Rex did, and although it was enough to be what she was, in some way the voice was connected with the name she had once held, the name which had been shattered somewhere, sometime, like lakewater when a stone is thrown into it. She never understood what the voice was saying to her, with its jingling music, a monotonous chanting from a long way off and yet close to her as her blood. The words, familiar in form but totally unfamiliar in meaning, were like the dry and twisted shells she found on the shore of the lake, objects that had once contained live creatures, but very long ago, so that no trace of flesh remained. The voice echoed again now, hurting and frightening her.
"Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, lavender's green,
When you are king, dilly dilly, I shall be queen."
She half shut her eyes, and listened intently, but still she could not understand and could only feel troubled by something untouchable, some mystery that remained just beyond her grasp.
Then, inside the cave, one of the children began crying, and she went to give comfort.
### PERMISSIONS
For exclusive permission to publish "Mrs.Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah" © the Estate of Margaret Laurence is gratefully acknowledged.
Permission was also granted by Columbia University, Rare Book and Manuscript Library.
Permission to quote lines from Al Purdy, "For Margaret," from _Beyond Remembering: the Collected Poems of Al Purdy_. ed. Sam Solecki. Harbour Publishing, Madeira Park, B.C., 2000.
Permission to quote from Malcolm Ross, "New Day" from Julie Ross.
Permission to publish the following photoraphs is greatfully acknowledged:
Photo of Peggy Wemyss c. 1930, courtesy of R.T. Carter
Photo of Adele Wiseman, courtesy of Douglas Barnaby
Photos of Peggy Wemyss at United College, courtesy of Helen
Warkentin Stanley
Photos of Peggy Wemyss during her high school years, courtesy of
the Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa
Photo of Peggy and Jack Laurence, the Gold Coast, 1954, courtesy
of the Estate of Margaret Laurence
### NOTES
. Budge Wilson, interview by author, Halifax, 19 July 1991. Additional information about this period in Margaret Laurence's life came from interviews with Joan Johnston and with one of the nurses at the hospital, as well as from comments in Laurence's memoirs _Dance on the Earth._ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1974). Hereafter _Dance._
. ML, _Journals._ MS: McMaster University. In July 1986, a party to celebrate Margaret Laurence's birthday was held in Peterborough at the home of Joan and Glen Johnston. Not long after her birthday, Margaret had to be hospitalized and was subsequently diagnosed with terminal cancer. She kept a journal, in several notebooks, from her sixtieth birthday until she was no longer able to continue writing in it during the winter of 1986.
. Joan Johnston, interview by author, Peterborough, Ontario, 8 June 1994.
. ML, _Journal #4,_ McMaster University Archives.
. The entries in her journal make clear that Margaret's decision was not easy and that, in addition to her own soul-searching, she had consulted several clergy during the months of her final illness.
. ML to Will Ready, 19 August 1979, in J.A.Wainwright, A _Very Large Soul: Selected Letters from Margaret Laurence to Canadian Writers._ (Dunvegan, Ontario: Cormorant Press, 1995), 165-66.
. _Dance,_ 29.
. See obituary notice for Robert Wemyss, _Neepawa Press,_ 15 January 1935, 4.
. _Dance,_ 31.
. Photo given to the Margaret Laurence Home in Neepawa by Jean Kerr Williams, who received it from a daughter of Elmer Ivey, manager of the Royal Bank and sponsor of the dance.
. It was built in 1906. Two of Verna's older sisters participated in the recital. Margaret (Maggie) read a "Sketch of the Life of Beethoven" that she had written, and Ruby, the oldest girl, read "The Interpreter of Music" by Perry.
. According to the program, Mason and Rich pianos, one of which had been sent up from Winnipeg, were used for the recital, held in the evening of 10 May 1907. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. In 1992, the piano that had belonged to Margaret Laurence's mother, Verna, was donated to the Margaret Laurence Home in Neepawa from the estate of Ruth Faryon (who had been a next-door neighbour of Bob and Verna on Vivian Street).
. The paper also reported that she showed "musicianly" qualities of a high order and received great applause. See _Heritage: History of the Town of Neepawa and District as Told and Recorded by Its People._ (Neepawa, Manitoba: History Book Committee, 1983), 268. Hereafter _Heritage._
. Bob and Verna's bungalow was not, as James King states in his biography of Laurence, on the wrong side of town. _The Life of Margaret Laurence._ (Toronto: Alfred A. Knopf, 1997), 13. See _Heritage_ and Dorothy Coutts, letter to author, 19 October 1998. Letters to Donez Xiques are in the author's collection, unless a specific archive is indicated.
. _Dance,_ 34.
. _Dance,_ 40.
. _Dance,_ 38-40.
. See _Heritage,_ 86-87.
. According to Professor John Coutts, the citizens of Neepawa were very much aware of social status. The self-sufficient side of the town's economy may have made them more self-absorbed than they might have been if the basis of the town's economy had been less stable. Professor John W. Coutts letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. Jean Kerr Williams, interview by author, Ottawa, 17 September 1992.
. _Dance,_ 25.
. It would have been very rare for a town to have a public library during those years of the Depression. One of Peggy's teachers, Mildred Musgrove, recalls that, when she first went to teach at the high school in Neepawa during the Depression, "the school did not even have a set of encyclopedias. The library shelves were empty." (Mildred Musgrove, interview by author, Boissevain, Manitoba, 29 September 1991).
. _Dance,_ 41.
. _Dance,_ 49.
. _Dance,_ 49.
. _Dance,_ 39-40. At the time of his death in 1935, Bob Wemyss was president of the Neepawa Horticultural Society.
. As Margaret Laurence's literary reputation grew, she was approached by Professor William B. Ready of McMaster University, who offered to purchase her papers for McMaster's archives. He also informed her that his mother had played tennis with her father, Bob, during the 1920s. That prairie connection was important to Margaret, and she always felt close to Will Ready and his wife, Bess. Later, through the intercession of Professor Clara Thomas, the York University Archives and Special Collections became a major repository for letters and documents pertaining to Margaret Laurence.
. _Dance,_ 33-34.
. Jean Kerr Williams letter to author, 12 January 1993. Here she refers to the period when Peggy was a preschooler.
. Mona Spratt Meredith, interview by author, Vancouver, 13 October 1992. Dorothy Coutts, who had to share a room with her siblings until she was a teenager, remarks that the Wemyss's "small, cozy home was like a dream house," and adds, "I have to admit that I was envious of Peggy's beautiful bedroom in the half-storey of their cottage." Dorothy Coutts Shields, letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. Dorothy Coutts Shields, telephone conversation with author, 14 November 1992.
. Dorothy Coutts Shields, letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. See interviews conducted by Greta Coger with Phyllis Ralph #3, and with Virginia Shore #1. Typescripts provided to author, January 1992, by Greta Coger, who subsequently deposited the interviews in the archives at the University of Winnipeg.
. Dorothy Coutts Shields, letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. Donnalu Wigmore, "Margaret Laurence: The Woman behind the Writing." Interview by Wigmore, _Chatelaine_ (February 1971): 28-29; 52-54.
. _The Diviners._ Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1974, 11. Hereafter _Diviners_.
. Rev. John Speers, interview by author, Barrie, Ontario, 10 September 1994. The poet Dorothy Livesay, who also grew up in Winnipeg, describes going out to the snowy countryside with her younger sister and their father in search of the first crocuses. See "A Prairie Sampler," _Mosaic_ 3 (Spring 1970): 85-92.
. See _The Canvasback on a Prairie Marsh_ by Albert H. Hochbaum (Harrisburg, Pa.: Stackpole Press, 1959). I am indebted to Professor Norman Seymour for sharing with me his experience of the Manitoba prairie, gleaned from many years of observing and researching waterfowl there, particularly in the area of the Delta Marsh. Even at the close of the twentieth century, the Winnipeg airport shut down from time to time because of the numbers of migrating birds in the area. I am grateful, also, to Ivan Traill, former principal of NCI, for several conversations about flora and fauna in the area. He related that Oak Hammock Marsh, not far from Winnipeg, had approximately one million geese on the water there during migration in 2003.
. Dorothy Coutts Shields, letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. He had been born in May 1933.
. _Dance,_ 52.
. In Neepawa, Bobby's adoption was common knowledge, and as an adult Margaret Laurence told a number of friends that her brother, Bob, had been adopted. Her reticence about mentioning Bobby's adoption in her memoirs _(Dance on the Earth)_ can be understood better in the light of comments addressed to her brother in her private journal (10 October 1986, unpublished), McMaster University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Collection. In that section of her journal, Margaret is mourning Bob's recent death and the fact that he had not lived to see what she had written about their Mum. The passage is written as though Margaret were speaking directly to him.
. In the summer of 1948 the leasehold on that property, which was then jointly held by Bertha Simpson (widow of Stuart) and her sister-in-law Margaret C. Wemyss (widow of Bob), was transferred to a couple from North Dakota.
. Riding Mountain National Park, brochure, undated, 4.
. See "The Shack," _Heart of a Stranger_. (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1976), 187-91, Hereafter cited as _Heart._ A detailed map of the area and information about the lot and the cottage (which has been significantly altered structurally) were sent to the author from the present owner of the site, 17 February 1998.
. "The Shack," _Heart,_ 187-91.
. The beautiful trees in Neepawa are one of the glories of the town, especially in autumn. Their presence is due, in part, to the foresight of the town fathers who planted fourteen hundred trees in Neepawa in 1902. Until the last decades of the twentieth century, when Dutch Elm disease struck, the Neepawa elms were among the most beautiful trees in that town.
. Laurence's names for these homes of her childhood are used throughout.
. The rose window, which was removed from the house by a subsequent owner, was later donated to the Margaret Laurence Home in Neepawa.
. Perhaps it is merely a coincidence, but in the _The Stone Angel,_ Hagar's father bears the same surname (Currie) as the editor of _The Works of Horace,_ which were on the shelf in Grandfather Wemyss's library. John Wemyss's signature and the name of his school appears on the flyleaf of a one-volume edition of _The Works of Horace_ that was donated to the Margaret Laurence Home in Neepawa. On the volume's title page, the name Joseph Currie appears, and the book's inside cover is filled with marks made by a young child (Joseph Currie, _The Works of Horace, with English Notes_ (London: Charles Griffin and Company, n.d.).
. See also Laurence's notes on the Wemyss family, York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Their children were: Robert (Margaret Laurence's father), Jack, and Norma.
. Dorothy Batchelor Brown, telephone conversation with author, 15 March 1999.
. "Where the World Began," _Heart,_ 213-19. Bert Batchelor was kind to the children of Neepawa, and there are many stories about his warm-heartedness. In those days bicycles were considered expensive, and Peggy's first real bicycle came from him. Many years later, when Peggy (then Margaret Laurence) and her children were living at Elm Cottage in Buckinghamshire, the Batchelors made a point of stopping by after visiting his birthplace in Old Romney, where his father had been a shepherd.
. _Dance,_ 55.
. "Upon a Midnight Clear," _Heart,_ 192-99.
. _Dance,_ 55.
. She made reference to this china in "Jericho's Brick Battlements," _A Bird in the House._ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1970). Hereafter cited as _Bird in the House._
. These details about Christmas are from Margaret Laurence's essay "Upon a Midnight Clear," _Heart,_ 192-99, and from her memoirs.
. Jennie Maud Little, Diary, 13 January 1935, University of Manitoba Archives.
. "For five days he had been ill with pneumonia and although the case was serious, it was not thought he was in great danger. Shortly before his passing, his condition became grave and he failed to recover from the attack." (Neepawa _Press,_ 15 January 1935, 4). Jack Pink, who then lived in Neepawa, also recalls the death of his aunt that winter when "there was a terrible plague of pneumonia." (Jack Pink, interview by author, Nova Scotia, 11 September 1992).
On the day of Robert Wemyss's death, the roads were badly drifted and the bus for Brandon had to turn back because it could not get through. (Jennie Maud Little, Diary, 13 January 1935, University of Manitoba Archives). During the winter, however, burials did take place in Neepawa. Graves were dug by hand under a sort of tent, and a heater was used to thaw the ground. (Doug White, Neepawa funeral director, telephone conversation with author, 5 February 1998).
. _Dance,_ 56.
. Ibid., 25.
. Ibid., 24.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 56.
. Margaret Laurence gives her age as nine in several interviews as well as her memoirs, but she was actually only eight and a half at the time of her father's death.
. _Dance,_ 41-42.
. Ibid., 58. The Neepawa phone directory lists them at Vivian Street in December 1935. This accords with Laurence's memory as set down in _Dance on the Earth_.
. Jennie Maud Little, Diary, January 1936, University of Manitoba Archives.
. _Dance,_ 58.
. Ibid., 61.
. Eileen Graham Goodrich, interview by author, Neepawa, 10 September 1991. She was there and identified the teacher as Gwen Saunders.
. _Dance,_ 58-59.
. _Heritage,_ 1983, erroneously reports that Jane Bailey Simpson died in 1937 (705), although Laurence correctly cites 1936. The date of 1936 was confirmed by Doug White, telephone conversation with author, 5 February 1998. The funeral service from the Simpson residence was conducted by Rev. Cook, with internment in Riverside Cemetery.
. _Dance,_ 69.
. Grandfather's Simpson's home was sold while she was at university, and Laurence says that, although she never again went inside it, nevertheless the "Big House" always remained for her "a part of my emotional luggage." _Dance,_ 101.
. This is the opening sentence of "Baa Baa, Black Sheep," Kipling's heart-wrenching fictional account of his youth in England, following his early childhood in India.
. _Dance,_ 63.
. ML, _Journal #4,_ McMaster University Archives. In several interviews Margaret Laurence minimized Simpson's harshness and referred instead to the "many hardships" that her grandfather must have endured in his youth. She referred to him in 1973 as "a pioneer, one of the Selkirk settlers." She mentioned the "remarkable" fact that he had walked from Winnipeg to Portage La Prairie. Even today, while gazing at the expanse of the Manitoba prairie, one cannot help thinking about the ancestors whose labour over the years transformed that immense landscape.
. The driver was Wes McAmmond. He would have remembered quite clearly the visit to the cottage, since he was familiar with the area and used to date Ruth Faryon, a teacher who lived next door to the Wemyss family on Vivian Street.
. "Road to the Isles," _Heart,_ 145-57.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Laurence refers to her maternal uncle as follows: "Stuart, the eldest of the family, smart, handsome Stuart, who wanted to be a lawyer but who instead ultimately went into the undertaking business with his father." _Dance,_ 27.
. _Dance,_ 46. Two of John Simpson's other daughters, Ruby and Velma, became nurses, a position he also considered acceptable for women.
. _Neepawa Press,_ 11 January 1935.
. Eileen Graham Goodrich, interview by author, Neepawa, 10 September 1991. Her father was the workman. Other interviewees in Neepawa related anecdotes that underscored the fact that John Simpson was a hard man with an unyielding disposition. He was known for tough business deals.
. The Beautiful Plains Museum in Neepawa, now housed in the former CNR railway station, has many photos and artifacts from various periods in the history of the town and district.
. _Dance,_ 69.
. "Where the World Began" in _Heart,_ 213-19.
. Ibid.
. See John Metcalf, _Sixteen by Twelve: Short Stories by Canadian Writers._ (Toronto: McGraw Hill Ryerson, 1970), 71-73.
. ML to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983. Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa, Manitoba.
. Page references to _A Bird in the House_ are from the New Canadian Library edition, no.96, paperback, published by McClelland & Stewart, 1987. The pagination is identical to the hardcover edition published by Alfred A. Knopf, New York, 1970.
A sophisticated and thoughtful analysis of these stories and an overview of the critical literature up to 1992 may be found in Jon Kertzer, _That House in Manawaka: Margaret Laurence's_ A Bird in the House. (Toronto: ECW Press, 1992).
. In a letter to Silver Donald Cameron, a fellow writer, Laurence expressed great annoyance over the fact that Vanessa's surname, MacLeod, had been misspelled as "McCloud," in _A Reader's Guide to the Canadian Novel,_ edited by John Moss. (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1981). The letter also shows Laurence's wonderful sense of humour, a side of her personality which often came into play when she wrote to or was with old friends such as Clara Thomas, Timothy Findley and Bill Whitehead, or Donald Cameron (ML to Donald Cameron, 1982, Cameron Archives, University College of Cape Breton). Cameron and his wife, Ann, had come to know Margaret in England in the 1960s, and in writing to him about the _Guide,_ she facetiously provided some background material "For Scholars and the Like":
McCloud: Not properly a clan in itself, the McCloud family
has been from time immemorial a sept of the Clan Macdonald
of Sleat. Because of the largely illiterate nature of the
McClouds, they have tended to spell the clan name as "Sleet."
Pipe Music: I Wandered Lonely as A McCloud.
War Cry: Stormy Weather!
Plant Badge: Daffodil.
Motto: What be the Forecast?
Crest Badge: A daffodil, proper, argent, vert, gules and rampant, upon a cloud, unlikely.
. ML to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983. Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa, Manitoba.
. "A Place to Stand On," _Heart,_ 13.
. Ibid.
. Helen Porter, interview with author, Toronto, 29 September 2002.
. These stories were written over a period of years. Most of them were published separately after _The Stone Angel_ appeared in 1964.
. _Bird in the House,_ 133.
. Ibid. All quotations in this paragraph are from "Horses of the Night."
. Ibid., 48.
. Ibid., 16. "The Sound of the Singing."
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 162-63.
. Ibid., 15.
. Geraldine Jewsbury, as quoted by Kathy Chamberlain, "A 'Creative Adventure': Jane Welsh Carlyle's 'Simple Story.'" _The Carlyles at Home and Abroad,_ edited by David R. Sorensen and Rodger L. Tarr. (Aldershot, England: Ashgate Press, 2004), 231. I am grateful to Professor Chamberlain for bringing this article to my attention.
. _Bird in the House,_ 78.
. Ibid., 55.
. Ibid., 12.
. Ibid., 22.
. Ibid., 81.
. Ibid., 39.
. Ibid., 78.
. Ibid., 103.
. Ibid., 107.
. Ibid., 144.
. Ibid., 108.
. _Dance,_ 55-56. Such behaviour is typical in a young child after the death of a parent.
. Ibid., 55.
. Some examples of events that are contrary to the facts in Peggy's own life: Vanessa's mother does not die, Peggy's mother did. Vanessa's father is a doctor, Peggy's was a lawyer. Vanessa's brother is born into the family, Peggy's brother was adopted.
. "September" by Helen Hunt Jackson.
. Wes McAmmond, interviews by author, Winnipeg, 12 and 17 September 1991. During two long interviews, McAmmond spontaneously recited a number of poems from his teaching days and showed rollbooks and photos of former students, including some of Peggy Wemyss.
. _Dance,_ 71. This description by Laurence was shaped from two accounts of McAmmond's influence, one in _Dance_ (71) and the other in a letter to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983. Archives, the Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa. This description was supported by Jack Pink, who also had McAmmond as a teacher. (Jack Pink to author, 9 September 2000).
. ML to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983. Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa.
. Wes McAmmond, interviews by author, Winnipeg, 12 and 17 September 1991.
. Ibid.
. Mildred Musgrove, interview by author, Boissevain, Manitoba, 29 September 1991.
. Former playmates Jean Kerr, Dorothy Coutts, and Mona Spratt recall the books in Peggy's home on Vivian Street and later in Grandfather Simpson's house.
. The writers Nellie McClung and Alice Munro, for example, relate a similar situation in their youth.
. The yearly membership fee was approximately three dollars. Later, due to the efforts of this core group, a public library for the town was approved by the province.
. Wes McAmmond, interviews by author, Winnipeg, 12 and 17 September 1991.
. Ibid.
. _Dance,_ 71.
. _Dance,_ 71-72. Leona Thwaites, interview by author, Neepawa, 1993. She came from the same region as the Bailey family, and gave this author a map of the Bailey farm. See also Laurence's poignant poem "For Lorne" (1976), in which she uses a verbal play on his given name, Lorne, and the word "forlorn." _Dance,_ 257-62.
. _Dance,_ 72.
. Jennie Maud Little, diary, 12 September 1939, University of Manitoba Archives.
. Mona Spratt, interview by author, Vancouver, 28 November 1994. Additional information comes from Jennie Maud Little's diary, University of Manitoba Archives.
. _Dance,_ 74.
. "Books that Mattered to Me" in _Margaret Laurence: An Appreciation,_ edited by Christl Verduyn (Peterborough, Ontario: Broadview Press, 1988), 239-41. Here Laurence comments at length about books that she had read during her youth. Her remarks were initially given as a talk to the Friends of the Bata Library, Trent University _(Friends' Bulletin,_ No.4, 1981).
. Lucy Maud Montgomery, _Emily of New Moon_ (Toronto: McClelland-Bantam Inc., Seal Books, 1983), 17.
. See "Books that Mattered to Me," 239-41.
. _Emily of New Moon,_ 41.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 16 November 1940.
. The _Winnipeg Free Press_ published Purdy's poem "Sum," and made reference to other poems of his, "Canada's Answer" and "Mountains and Departures." Later it published an early poem of Purdy's about Kipling. None of these poems seems to have been published elsewhere. A selection of his later correspondence with Laurence was published in 1993: _Margaret Laurence — Al Purdy: A Friendship in Letters,_ ably edited and with a comprehensive introduction by John Lennox (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1993). An outstanding study of Al Purdy's poetry by the scholar Sam Solecki was published in 1999: _The Last Canadian Poet: An Essay on Al Purdy_ (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1999).
. This is evident in the column "With the Editor." The editor's name was Polly Evans, but it is not clear whether that was a pseudonym. The page actually seems to have been the work of more than one editor, although the name "Polly Evans" is the only one that appears at this time.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 22 February 1941.
. R.H. Grenville was then a frequent younger contributor to the page; _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 22 March 1941.
. Ibid.
. Contribution from Elma Machan of Flin Flon.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 5 July 1941.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 23 March 1940.
. This work was by Elma R. Machan.
. Dance, 74.
. _Dance,_ 73.
. In her memoirs, Laurence describes how she managed to get her submission typed, but she mistakenly dates the event as occurring when she was twelve or thirteen _(Dance,_ 73). It actually occurred during the summer of 1940, when she had turned fourteen.
. This information about Peggy's high-school years comes from archival research, from over a dozen interviews conducted by the author, as well as from contemporary accounts and information in the high-school newspaper, _Annals of the Black and Gold,_ in the _Neepawa Press,_ and in _Heritage: A History of the Town of Neepawa_. As a result, it has been possible to fill in some gaps in Laurence's account of those years in her memoirs and to provide further details about this important period in her life.
. Jack Pink, interview by author, New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, 11 September 1992, and Jean Kerr Williams, interview by author, Ottawa, 17 September 1992.
. Mildred Musgrove, interview by author, Boissevain, Manitoba, 29 September 1991.
. Connie Offen Sword, interview by author, Toronto, 6 October 1992.
. Jack Pink, interview by author, New Glasgow, Nova Scotia, 11 September 1992, and Jack Pink, letter to author, 16 September 2000.
. The NCI paper, _Annals of the Black and Gold,_ provides many details about Neepawa Collegiate Institute during Peggy's four years there. The paper was unpaginated, however, and did not have volume numbers. Typically there were three issues each year, but some issues of the paper may be missing from the collections at the Margaret Laurence Home and at the Neepawa Public Library. It is possible that some issues have not been preserved or that, in a given year, fewer than three issues were published.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 28 September, 1940, 6.
. She signed it Jean Margaret Wemyss. In _Dance on the Earth,_ Laurence mistakenly refers to her story as "The Pillars of the Nation." In an interview with Laurence, William French states that "The Pillars of the Nation" was composed when Margaret was ten _(Globe and Mail,_ 25 April 1970, 6). The _Winnipeg Free Press,_ however, states that her story was called "The Land of Our Fathers." Peggy was then age fourteen, not ten. Perhaps "The Pillars of the Nation" was an earlier effort, but it seems more likely and would be characteristic that Margaret Laurence so identified with her fictional creation that she remembered Vanessa's story as factually her own. On the other hand, it is possible that Laurence wished to prevent her juvenile effort from being discovered, and hence deliberately obscured the reference.
. That does not seem to have happened, however.
. Connie Offen Sword, interview by author, Toronto, 6 October 1992.
. It is signed JMW. Peggy Wemyss was identified as the author by Dorothy Coutts Shields, a neighbour of Peggy's and the sister of John Coutts, who was then editor of the _Annals of the Black and Gold._ Mrs. Shields forwarded a copy of that issue to this author.
. Part II was published the following week, on 25 January 1941.
. The editors removed a few words in order to save space and made suggestions about a line of dialogue.
. _Dance,_ 74.
. ML to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983. Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa, and Connie Offen Sword, interview by author. Toronto, 6 October 1992.
. John Bell, interview by author, Lakefield, 16 February 1994.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ 19 April, 1941.
. _AB &G,_ June 1941. This abbreviation of the high-school paper will be used hereafter.
. _AB &G,_ October 1941. The paper also praised Peggy for her war-time salvage activities.
. The history of the Elementary Flying Training School at Neepawa is somewhat complicated. Initially begun as an RAF training site, the school was turned over to the RCAF in 1943 and was known as No.26 EFTS, RCAF. By March 1944, all RAF personnel had been transferred away and replaced by RCAF etc. The base changed names and hands over the several years of its operation, until it closed in 1945.
The history of the EFTS is chronicled in the following books: _Five Decades of Flying:The History of the Moncton Flying Club,_ edited by Roger Mills.(Moncton, New Brunswick: Moncton Flying Club, 1979); _A History of No.35 EFTS, RAF Neepawa,_ edited by F/Lt. G.J. Billing and Miss Audrey HumphreyNeepawa, Manitoba: with the permission and under the authority of Mr. J.W. Humphrey, Manager. This book has no pagination. T
. Jean Kerr Williams, interview by author, Ottawa, 17 September 1992.
. Connie Offen Sword, interview by author, Toronto, 13 June 1993. See also _AB &G,_ 1941.
. This poem by Peggy has not been previously noted, and only one other poem by her ("Song for Spring, 1944 / Canada") seems to have been published in _AB &G._
. Margaret Laurence spoke with affection of these books many years later with her friends Kate and Kim Krenz who lived in Lakefield. The Krenzes, interview by author, Lakefield, 19 June 1994. See also her essay "Books that Mattered to Me," in _Margaret Laurence: An Appreciation,_ 239-49.
. Lord Birkenhead, _Rudyard Kipling_ (New York: Random House Inc., 1978), 245. _A Choice of Kipling's Verse,_ edited by T.S. Eliot (London: Faber and Faber, 1941) included "If," 273-74.
. _AB &G,_ Christmas issue, 1941.
. _AB &G,_ Christmas issue 1941, unpaginated. See "Foreign Events."
. _The Canadians at War, 1939-45,_ vol.2 (Canada: Readers' Digest Canada Ltd., 1969), 123. See also Margaret Laurence's references to Hong Kong in _Dance,_ 31, 83-84.
. "A History of No.35 EFTS, RAF: Neepawa, Manitoba" by J.W. Humphrey in _Heritage,_ 122-124.
. _AB &G,_ Christmas 1941.
. The date of "Goodwill Towards Men" is erroneously given as December 1944 rather than 1941 as cited in _Embryo Words: Margaret Laurence's Early Writings,_ edited by Nora Foster Stovel (Edmonton: Juvenilia Press, 1997), 57.
. The title appears in capital letters in _AB &G._
. The impact of the base on the town was enormous. In the weeks that followed, all sorts of jobs became available to Manitoba civilians. The town's economy also received a substantial boost from the young airmen in their brass-buttoned blue uniforms, who arrived every six weeks, and from services required by the RAF staff as well as the civilians who worked at the base.
. Mona Spratt Meredith remembers that dances at the base were chiefly for adults. When girls of her age went there or to the base at Carberry, they were taken by bus and carefully chaperoned.
. The quotation is from the Stan Rogers song "The Field behind the Plow."
. Today there is a Commonwealth Air Training Plan Museum in Brandon, Manitoba. "The museum is dedicated to the preservation of the history of the British Commonwealth Air Training Plan." It also maintains a Web site: /www,airmuseum,ca/
. _AB &G,_ Graduation issue, 1942.
. Gene Walz, e-mail to author, 16 November 2004.
. Marjorie Osborn English, interview by author, London, Ontario, 17 June 1993. The students signed their note. Many years later, Margaret Laurence recalled this teacher in a letter to the writer Budge Wilson. Laurence commented favourably on Wilson's multi-layered story "The Metaphor," which deals with a girl and her teacher. Laurence wrote: "It speaks to all our lives, to the time when we might have conveyed love and did not, and then it was too late. Perhaps, too, some thanks for the times when we have indeed conveyed that love before it was too late."
Margaret Laurence also told Budge Wilson that she hoped "The Metaphor" might prompt someone to write to an old teacher, and mentioned her own "great debt of gratitude" to Miss Mildred Musgrove, her high-school teacher of English. Laurence expressed gratitude that she had been able to thank Miss Musgrove publicly over the years. (ML to Budge Wilson, 22 September 1983. Budge Wilson Fonds, Dalhousie University Archives).
. ML to Budge Wilson, 22 September 1983, Budge Wilson Fonds, Dalhousie University Archives.
. _Five Decades of Flying,_ 56.
. With the new management the school's name also changed. See Cecil and Maureen Pittman, "Elementary Flying Training School, Neepawa, Manitoba: #35 RAF 1941-43, #26 RCAF 1943-44." _Heritage,_ 121-25
. _Dance,_ 83. Laurence on many occasions emphasized the impact that Dieppe had on her. The tenor of her concern is also reflected decades later in her 1980 Convocation address at York University ("A Message to the Inheritors"), and in a slightly rewritten version of that address (typed MS., York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds).
My world had emerged two years earlier from a six-year period of world war.Most of us had lost a member of our family, or friends and school-mates. These were the young men of my generation who died on the beaches at Dieppe or in France and Italy in the final stages of the European war, or in North Africa or Hong Kong, or in the ruins of their shot-down planes or torpedoed ships. Some of them were the boys from my town and surrounding towns, the kids I'd grown up with, several years older that I was. When _Dieppe happened, in 1942,_ [emphasis added] and so many of them were killed or spent the rest of the war in prison camps, I was 16 years old. That was when I first realized — really realized — what war meant. It meant that many of the people you had known were dead, dead at a very young age, and had died horribly.
. _Dance,_ 84.
. ML to Paul Hiebert, 15 February 1983, University of Manitoba Archives. As an undergraduate, she had known Hiebert, who was then a member of the faculty at the University of Manitoba.
. _Dance,_ 84. Principal Ray was also the class teacher for Grade Twelve.
. _AB &G,_ Graduation issue, 1944.
. Mildred Musgrove, interview by author, Boissevain, 29 September 1991.
. ML to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983, Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa. Margaret Laurence gave a copy of her first novel, _This Side Jordan,_ to Mildred Musgrove and inscribed it "with sincere appreciation for all the help and encouragement you gave me when I needed it most" (Mildred Musgrove, photocopy to author).
. _AB &G,_ Graduation Issue 1942, 1.
. _Dance,_ 63.
. Mona Spratt Meredith, interview by author, Vancouver, 13 October 1992.
. _Dance,_ 85.
. Ibid.
. _Dance,_ 58, 69, 85.
. See interviews by author with Musgrove, Osborn, Offen, Spratt, and Alguire.
. _Dance,_ 76.
. _Dance,_ 77. Laurence used almost the same phrasing in a letter to Lorna Nelson (4 May 1983). "Browning's incredible dramatic monologues probably did influence me greatly, in a fascination with the portrayal of a human individual." Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa.
. ML to Lorna Nelson, 4 May 1983, Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa. Laurence also noted that the bible given her by Grandmother Simpson was the only book she owned that went back further in her life, and was more marked and referred to than _The Pocket Book of Verse._
. John W. Coutts, letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. Evelyn Vivian, telephone conversation with author, 17 May 1998. Wes McAmmond, interviews by author, Winnipeg, 12 and 17 September 1991.
. _Dance,_ 79.
. _Dance,_ 78. The indoor rink had been built in 1935.
. Jack Pink, interview by author, Nova Scotia, 11 September 1992.
. "Where the World Began," _Heart,_ 214.
. See _Heritage._ The citizens' helpfulness and good relationship with the base is detailed in A _History of No.35 EFTS., RAF._
. Alice Dalquist received highest academic honours for Grade Eleven.
. Contrary to statements by previous biographers (cf. King, 42, Powers, _Alien Heart: The Life and Work of Margaret Laurence,_ Winnipeg, University of Manitoba Press, 2003, 40), neither Peggy nor Mona Spratt wrote the "I.M. Nosey" column. It was written by Dorothy Coutts, who made this clear in a letter: "Peggy was the editor of the school paper in 1943 and, in her modesty, refused to allow a write-up of her award. Under the supervision and secrecy of the teacher-advisor for the school paper, Mildred Musgrove, I [Dorothy Coutts] wrote a 'gossip column' entitled 'Here and There' for each issue. Even Peggy didn't know who wrote the column. Since she wouldn't allow an article about her achievement, this column was utilized to pass on her well-deserved accolades." Dorothy Coutts, letter to author, 2 September 1992.
. _AB &G._ The particulars of this contemporary description are supported by various articles in the school paper during the previous months which mention that Peggy and her close friends, Louise Alguire, Margie Crawford, and Mona Spratt were busy as convenors of several NCI committees as well as with various other tasks on behalf of the war effort.
. In published interviews, Margaret Laurence rarely referred to this summer job, although she mentions it briefly in _Dance on the Earth._ However, when she visited Neepawa in 1975, Laurence did share some memories of her work as a reporter and editor for the district news _(Neepawa Press,_ 9 October 1975). See also ML to Lorna Nelson, 25 August 1975. Archives, Margaret Laurence Home, Neepawa.
. "Through high school and college I thought I would be a journalist, and indeed I did become one, at least for a year." _(Dance,_ 74). Peggy's desk was still at the _Press_ in 1991; the staff claimed that the cigarette burns attested to its having been "Margaret Laurence's" desk.
. The War Savings Committee under Louise Alguire also exceeded by 600 percent its stated quota for the sale of war savings stamps and bonds. Such success obviously involved many people both at school and in the community.
. _Annals of the Black and Gold_ had these comments about the orchestra: "We have another star volunteer who is an old stand-by, having joined the orchestra three years ago. This is none other than our busy editor, Peggy Wemyss." Margie Crawford also belonged, as did Louise Alguire, who was a fine pianist.
. _AB &G,_ Fall, 1943. This was also the graduation issue for the previous year's class.
. _AB &G,_ graduation issue, 1943.
. _AB &G,_ Christmas issue, 1943.
. _Dance,_ 89.
. "None of the boys I had ever gone to school with would have given poetry the time of day." _Dance,_ 86.
. _Dance,_ 87.
. _Dance,_ 87.
. _Dance,_ 86.
. _Dance,_ 86-88.
. _Dance,_ 86.
. _Dance,_ 88.
. A photograph of cadets and officers was included in the No.26, _EFTS Year Book._
. _AB &G,_ 1944.
. This sonnet seems to be the only poem by Peggy that was published in the school paper after "Scholar's 'If'" appeared when she was in Grade Nine (1939). "Song for Spring, 1944 \ Canada" was reprinted, however, in Gladys Taylor's essay, "Laurence of Manitoba," _Canadian Author and Bookman_ 42 (Winter 1966): 4-7. But twenty years later, when Margaret Laurence received a letter from Remi Bouchard, an accomplished musician and composer who had settled in Neepawa, requesting permission to set that sonnet to music, she refused. Laurence's reply to him was uncharacteristically harsh. She said in part: "I am honoured that you would like to set some words of mine to music, and I must refuse, very adamantly. The poem to which you are referring ["Song for Spring"] was written by me when I was a young, young person, and it is a very amateurish poem and I do not wish it to be broadcast in any way now. I do wish that before that childish poem had been read [at a town gathering], someone had asked my permission.... I do not wish that poem to be read or circulated or in any way made public now or ever." (Remi Bouchard, interview by author, Neepawa, 27 October 1997. That letter, ML to Bouchard, 11 April 1985, may now be found in the Société historique de Saint- Boniface Archives, Fonds Remi Bouchard, Saint-Boniface, Manitoba.
The vehemence of Laurence's reply is puzzling. It may be attributed to the frustration she was then experiencing about her own writing and to health problems which plagued her in 1985-1986, or it could be that the poem was connected to her youthful romance with Derek and the pain of that may have remained with her, brought to the surface by Bouchard's request.
During her college years, a number of her poems were published in college papers such as _Vox_ and _The Manitoban._ Over the years Margaret Laurence continued to write poetry, chiefly occasional pieces intended for her children, dear friends, or relatives. She selected nine poems for inclusion in her memoirs.
. _Alberta Poetry Year Book,_ 1943-1944, Twelfth Year (Edmonton, Alberta: Canadian Authors' Association, Edmonton Branch).
. Ibid.
. _Winnipeg Free Press,_ Saturday magazine section (4 December 1943): 9.
. _Dance,_ 89.
. Laurence makes clear that her stepmother did not sell the family Limoges china in order to raise money for her college education. See Coles notebook and three pages entitled "The Manawaka Limoges," York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. ML 89-039, box 14.
. I am indebted for background about this period in Laurence's life to the following works: _One University: A History of the University of Manitoba, 1877-1952_ by W.L. Morton (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1956); _The University of Winnipeg: Commemorative Journal, 1888-1988,_ ed. A.G. Bedford et. al. (Winnipeg: University of Winnipeg, 1988); _The University of Winnipeg: A History of the Founding Colleges_ by A.G. Bedford, (Toronto and Buffalo: University of Toronto Press for the University of Winnipeg, 1976); _Turning the World Upside Down: A Memoir_ by Lois [Freeman] Wilson (Toronto: Doubleday Canada Ltd., 1989); _Reading from Left to Right: One Man's Political History_ by H.S. Ferns (Toronto, Buffalo, London: University of Toronto Press, 1983); _Red Tory Blues: A Political Memoir_ by Heath MacQuarrie (Toronto, Buffalo, London: University of Toronto Press, 1992).
. Morton, _One University,_ 17.
. Wilson, _Turning the World Upside_ Down, 14.
. The University of Manitoba, on the other hand, did have sororities and fraternities.
. Dorothie Neil Lindquist, interview with author, Toronto, 8 February 1992.
. Helen Warkentin Stanley, interview by author, Shediac Bridge, New Brunswick, 21 July 1996.
. Her letter was published in _Annals of the Black and Gold,_ "From the Mail Box," December 1944.
. Dorothie Neil Lindquist, interview with author, Toronto, 8 February 1992.
. Ibid.
. _AB &G,_ "From the Mail Box," December 1944.
. Peggy's friends, Patricia Jenkins and Mary Turnbull, also used male pseudonyms.
. See _The Tools of War: 1939-45_ (Canada: The Readers' Digest Association Ltd.), 71. Laurence also mentions that pseudonym in an interview with Michael Malegus and Melissa Steele _(The Manitoban Literary Supplement,_ 1985, 13). The presence in Neepawa of the Elementary Flying Training School (EFTS) would have made Peggy aware of this powerful plane. During Peggy's first semester at college, _Vox_ carried an essay about the pilot of a Lancaster bomber: "Phineas Student Goes to War" (November 1944). An angry anti-war poem "The Children of Europe: A Pastoral" also appeared in that issue.
. _Dance,_ 96. Ludwig did not actually leave the precincts of the University of Manitoba until March 1946. He was in the Winnipeg area and writing during those two years (Jack Ludwig, telephone conversation with author, 2 March 1994).
. Details pertaining to this may be found in an unpublished essay by Laurence Wall that was part of his course work for History 236, spring 1975, University of Manitoba (typescript given to author by Wall); See also Barry Broadfoot _Six War Years: Memories of Canadians at Home and Abroad_ (Toronto: Doubleday Canada Ltd., 1974).
. Shlomo Ben Adam reports that, after debate and discussion in the Manitoba Legislature in 1944, the public learned that: "a specific quota, or 'numerus clausus,' was in effect. Every applicant [to the Medical College] was required to state his father's racial origin and religion, and the forms were sorted into separate lists accordingly. Of the sixty-four available places, fifty-one or fifty-two were reserved for Anglo-Saxon and other preferred candidates, and three or four for women. Four or five places were assigned to Jews and four or five to other 'ethnics.' When a category was filled, no further admission could be made, regardless of the candidate's merit." See "The Unlikely Warrior," in _The Worst of Times, the Best of Times,_ edited by Harry and Mildred Gutkind (Markham, Ontario: Fitzhenry and Whiteside, 1987), 181. The Gutkinds also note that "the quota system for Jews and East Europeans was in full force," 73, 203.
. Dorothy Beales, a classmate at United, wrote to Stanley Knowles about the discriminatory nature of the quota system and received a four-page letter from him in reply (Dorothy Beales Wyman, interview by author, Mississauga, Ontario, 13 January 1994).
The SCM was very active at United College. The students were aware of the massive destruction that resulted during the Second World War, and had profound questions about traditional religious teaching. The SCM was a place where those issues could be shared, debated etc. See also Wilson, _Turning the World Upside Down,_ 15.
. Lois Freeman and Peggy moved in very different circles while at college. Decades later, when Margaret Laurence was living in Ontario, she resumed contact with Lois, who had become an ordained minister in the United Church. Wilson subsequently became the first woman moderator of the United Church in Canada. From the late 1970s until Margaret's death in 1987, the two women were in frequent contact. (Lois Freeman Wilson, telephone conversation with author, 3 January 1992).
. Charles Forsyth, telephone conversation with author, 9 December 1996.
. Lois Freeman Wilson, telephone conversation with author, 3 January 1992.
. In the aftermath of the Depression and the war years, the province gave very little financial support to the colleges.
. _Dance,_ 95.
. Alan Hockin, interview by author, Toronto, 9 January 1992; A.G. Bedford, interview by author, Winnipeg, 16 October 1996; and John Speers, interview by author, Barrie, Ontario, 10 September 1994. The papers of Arthur Phelps are now archived at the University of Manitoba, where they may yield further information about this period. It is hoped that a biography of Arthur Phelps may be published in the not-too-distant future.
. Peggy devoted her column "It's in the Air" _(Winnipeg Citizen,_ 18 August 1948,4) to comments about Arthur Phelps, who at that time was broadcasting a series "Books and Things" on the CBC. In it she also mentions his previous series: "This Canada" and "These United States," as well as his class at United College.
. Dorothy Beales Wyman, interview by author, Mississauga, Ontario, 13 January 1994.
. Alan Hockin, interview by author, Toronto, 9 January 1992.
. "It's in the Air," _Winnipeg Citizen,_ 18 August 1948.
. Ibid.
. When Laurence recounted this in her memoirs, she did not mention Phelps's complimentary remarks (which Alan Hockin had related to her when he later met her in Toronto). Hockin offered this explanation for Laurence's omission of the compliment: "She was not one to brag." (Alan Hockin, interview by author, Toronto, 9 January 1992).
. Galloway, "Our Myths: Our Selves." _Indirections 2 (Winter 1977):_ 33-42. See also _Vox_ , XVII, no. 2 Graduation 1945, 3-4.
. Ann Phelps Hamilton (daughter of Arthur Phelps) relates that her parents hoped that the club would also provide an opportunity for students, who often came from small prairie towns, to feel comfortable in social settings which they might not previously have experienced. (Ann Phelps Hamilton, interview by author, Toronto, 17 October 1991).
. _Dance,_ 94.
. Peterson received her doctorate from the University of Minnesota. At one meeting they discussed Somerset Maugham's recent novel, _The Razor's Edge,_ Although Peggy continued to attend the English Club meetings after Phelps's departure, for her, things were not quite the same without him.
. Doris Peterson Franklin, telephone conversation with author, 16 December 1996.
. When Peggy was an undergraduate, T.S. Eliot's work also was taught by Doris Peterson and other members of United College's English department. (Max Cohn, interview by author, Montreal, 12 February 1997). See also course outline and notes of Peggy's classmate Patricia (Jenkins) Blondal. University of British Columbia, Blondal Papers.
Professor Roy Daniells, who had been a member of the English department at the University of Manitoba, also admired and taught the work of T.S. Eliot. Daniells, however, left Winnipeg in 1946 to take up a position at the University of British Columbia. There is no evidence that Peggy enrolled in Daniells's class at the Fort Garry campus during her first two years of college. She does not refer to him among the many professors from her college years whom she does mention in _Dance on the Earth,_ and nothing on her transcript indicates that she was in his class, although she was in contact with him many years later when she lived in British Columbia.
. Stirling Lyon later became premier of Manitoba. Heath MacQuarrie had a long career in public service, retiring as the senior senator from Prince Edward Island, and Lyall Powers, whom Laurence says she always considered as an older brother (ML. Journal, MS. McMaster University), became distinguished as a professor of English literature at the University of Michigan. He also wrote a biography of Laurence, _Alien Heart._
. A.G. Bedford, interviews by author, Winnipeg, 16 October 1996. Bedford later joined the faculty at the University of Winnipeg (formerly United College). Heath MacQuarrie, interview by author, Victoria by the Sea, Prince Edward Island, 11 July 1995.
. Helen Warkentin Stanley, interview by author, Shediac Bridge, New Brunswick, 21 July 1996.
. Madge Hetherington Allen, interview by author, Toronto, 9 January 1992. After graduation, Madge went to Toronto, where she earned a Master's degree in Social Work.
. Ibid.
. Additional details about this will be found here in Chapter Nine.
. See ML to Professor Laurie Ricou, 12 October 1973. He included excerpts from her letter in his biographical entry for Patricia Jenkins Blondal in the _Dictionary of Literary Biography: Canadian Writers 1920-1959,_ Second Series, 88. (Detroit, Michigan: Gale Research Inc., 1989): 29-32.
In her senior year, Patricia Jenkins married Harold Blondal from Deep River, Ontario, and after that she and Peggy did not see as much of one another. After graduation, both Pat and Peggy wrote for Winnipeg newspapers.
. Margaret Laurence, preface to _The Collected Plays of Gwen Pharis Ringwood._ (Ottawa: Borealis Press, 1982), xi. See also Robert Kroetsch, "A Conversation with Margaret Laurence," in _A Place to Stand On: Essays by and about Margaret Laurence,_ edited by George Woodcock (Edmonton: NeWest Press, 1983), 46-55.
. Robert Kroetsch, "A Conversation with Margaret Laurence," in _A Place to Stand On: Essays by and about Margaret Laurence,_ edited by George Woodcock (Edmonton: NeWest Press, 1983), 54.
. _Vox_ XVIII, no.3, Graduation 1945, 8.
. "Margaret Laurence and Nuclear War," CBC broadcast, 1985, 9 min. National Archives, Ottawa.
. See David Jay Bercuson, _Confrontation at Winnipeg: Labour, Industrial Relations and the General Strike._ (Toronto: McGill-Queen's University Press, 1974).
. _Dance,_ 91. Founded in Canada in the 1930s, the CCF was a political party based on democratic socialist ideals.
. Ann Phelps Hamilton, interview by author, Toronto, 17 October 1991.
. Convocation address to Emmanuel College, Victoria University, University of Toronto, 6 May 1982. In Woodcock, A _Place to Stand On ,_ 56-60.
. ML to Paul Hiebert, 15 February 1983. Hiebert Collection, University of Manitoba Archives.
. Wilson, _Turning the World Upside Down,_ 237.
. Joyce Friesen, telephone conversation with author, 9 February 1997.
. _The Manitoban,_ 1 October 1946.
. Alan Hockin, interview by author, Toronto, 9 January 1992.
. Margaret Laurence, "Tribute to Malcolm Ross." MS.York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. Ross is warmly remembered by many Canadians as an inspiring teacher, thoughtful literary critic, and an enthusiastic founding editor of the New Canadian Library series issued by McClelland & Stewart under the aegis of its publisher Jack McClelland.
. John Speers, interview by author, Barrie, Ontario, 10 September 1994.
. Ibid.
. Ross pointed out that his lectures had been further developed and refined at Queen's University, Kingston, although many of the ideas in that book had been part of his seminar when Margaret Laurence [Peggy Wemyss] was in his class (Malcolm Ross to author, 2 August 1994). Professor Ross subsequently became very involved with Canadian literature, about which he said, "'I am not preaching nationalism in the old European meaning of the word, rather I am trying to define a community which opens into the community of man." _The Impossible Sum of Our Traditions._ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1986), 11.
. John Fraser, "An Afternoon, an Institution, a Revelation." York University Archives and Special Collection, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. John Speers, interview by author, Barrie, Ontario, 10 September 1994.
. Ibid.
. Although both young women studied with Professor Ross, it does not seem that they met in his class. When Peggy took Ross's seminar during 1946-1947, Adele was in her second year at the University of Manitoba. It is doubtful that they were enrolled in his seminar at the same time. Moreover, neither of them has referred to that as a joint experience.
. As quoted by David Staines, introduction to _The Impossible Sum of Our Traditions,_ 10-11. Dean Roland Penner, a former student of Malcolm Ross, refers to him as a "tremendously great teacher of English and an English scholar," adding the caveat "and I don't use the term great, lightly. Malcolm Ross stimulated _all_ of us." Dean Roland Penner, interview by author, Winnipeg, 5 October 1992.
. Not to be confused with Dean Carl Hallstead of the Collegiate Division of United College. Robert Halstead hailed from Pennsylvania and had done graduate work at Cornell University, as had Malcolm Ross.
. Anne Halstead, telephone conversation with author, 5 October 1992.
. ML letters to Robert Halstead (January 1965, April 1965, July 1965, January 1966). Halstead Archives, University of Winnipeg.
. Professor Daniell's letter as well as a modernist poem by Malcolm Ross appeared in _The Manitoban,_ 24 November 1946.
New Day
by Malcolm Ross
The whispering before the door ceased
as the bell began in the chapel
and the young hill came in
at the window
Morning birds darkened the room
their throats and their wings about me
There was no time for a proper adieu
to the tall cool orange glass at my elbow.
. For Laurence's comments on the internment of Japanese Canadians, see _Dance,_ 81. Further information about that period may be found in Ken Adachi, _The Enemy That Never Was: A History of the Japanese Canadians._ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1976).
. For a history of the Roslyn Road community and the life and thought of Watson Thomson, see Michael Welton's excellent, comprehensive study "To Be and Build the Glorious World": The Educational Thought and Practice of Watson Thomson, 1899-1946." (Unpublished Ph.D. dissertation, University of British Columbia, 1983), referred to hereafter as "To Be and Build," and Watson Thomson's autobiography _Turning into Tomorrow_ ( New York: The Philosophical Library, 1966).
. Welton, "To Be and Build," 308.
. Ibid., ii.
. Ibid., 311.
. Professor Doris Peterson, telephone interview with author, 4 January 1997. Peterson herself was renting that apartment from Professor Meredith Thompson and she sublet it to Mary and Peggy.
. See Laurence's comments in Wainwright, _A Very Large Soul,_ 17-18.
. The poem does not seem to have been published in Laurence's lifetime. The text, which is in the York University archives, has been discussed by Margaret A. Wigmore, who published it in _Prairie Fire_ 20, no.2 (Summer 1999): 100-109, along with an essay on its significance, "North Main Car: A Context," 110-13. The poem was also included in _Colors of Speech,_ selections from Laurence's early writing, edited and with an introduction by Nora Foster Stovel (Edmonton: Juvenilia Press, 2000).
. See, for example, Harry and Mildred Gutkind, eds. _The Worst of Times, The Best of Times_ (Markham, Ontario: Fitzhenry and Whiteside, 1987); Birk Sproxton and G.N. Louise Jonasson, eds., _Winnipeg in Fiction: 125 Years of English-Language Writing,_ a special issue of _Prairie Fire_ 20, no.2 (Summer 1999).
. _Dance,_ 108.
. Mary Turnbull Mindess, interview by author, Winnipeg, 3 December 1991.
. A copy of the invitation to this party was sent to this author by the former Jeannette Grosney, who had also worked at the _Winnipeg Citizen_ and was a friend of Mary Turnbull.
. _Dance,_ 102.
. Walking upstairs in her grandparents' house, the thought "I have to be a writer" came to her "with enormous strength." Laurence reports the idea "appalled and frightened [her]." _Dance,_ 74.
. Welton, "To Be and Build," 312. See also, ML to AW, 2 January 1954.
. Kay Bolton, interview by author, Montreal, February 1997; and Michael Welton, interview by author, Halifax, 20 July 1994. Welton had previously interviewed Kay Bolton when he was researching his study of Watson Thomson ("To Be and Build a Glorious World").
. Else Fry Laurence puts the date at 1939, but she may have attended in 1940, as well, according to records for the school. See also, Elsie Laurence, letter to Michael Welton ("To Be and Build," 158).
. Elsie Fry Laurence, letter to Michael Welton. ("To Be and Build," 158).
. Information about the Roslyn Road community was gathered from interviews with Kay Bolton, Mary (Mrs. Watson) Thomson, Michael Welton, Leone Wilcox, and Harry Penny. Welton and Penny have written extensively on Watson Thomson and his intentional community.
. Author interviews with Mona Spratt, Vancouver, 13 October 1992; Enid Rutland, Ottawa, 13 February 1997; John Speers, Ontario, 10 September 1994.
. _Dance,_ 86-87.
. Other members of Jack Laurence's family said that their father seemed to resent the fact that his wife wrote, and they reported that he actually destroyed or insisted that Elsie destroy some of her writing, despite the fact that, when he was out of work, a little income from his wife's writing provided much-needed financial assistance to the family.
. _Dance,_ 91.
. See Arthur L. Phelps, _Canadian Writers._ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1951). The distinguished Canadian historian, Arthur M. Lower, was a good friend of Arthur Phelps. The manuscript of Lower's unpublished biographical essay about Phelps is at Queen's University, Kingston, Ontario, Arthur M. Lower Fonds.
. A.G. Bedford, interview by author, Winnipeg, 16 October 1996.
. Ibid.
. John Speers quoted these lines from Wordsworth's _The Prelude,_ Book xi, during an interview by the author, Barrie, Ontario, 10 September, 1994.
. Because the archival holdings of _Vox_ and _The Manitoban_ may not be complete, it is possible that other poems may have appeared in issues that have not been archived.
. The poems are: "Thought," 13 October 1944, 3; "The Imperishable," 17 October 1944, 3; and "Bus-Ride at Night," 20 October 1944, 3; "Pagan Point — Wasagaming — Approaching Night," _The Manitoban,_ 3 November 1944, 3. This was signed JMW. It seems, however, that her first appearance in a college literary journal was "Fallen King," a rather short piece of fiction.
. She signed herself as follows: JMW (her initials), J.M. Wemyss, Margaret Jean Wemyss, or Jean Margaret Wemyss (her full name). The single exception occurs in _Vox_ XVIII: 3 where "Peggy Weymss" [sic] appears. This concern about an appropriate "literary" signature is not untypical with aspiring writers.
. A copy of the poem was given to this author by Mildred Musgrove, who taught Peggy at Neepawa Collegiate Institute.
. _The Manitoban,_ 3 November 1944, 3. This was signed JMW.
. The only reference to this poem seems to be in her moving essay, "An Open Letter to the Mother of Joe Bass. "Heart, 200-203. Her essay, which was occasioned by the race riots in the U.S.A., has received little, if any, attention from biographers and critics.
. United College's yearbook write-up (1947) comments on Peggy's fondness for Jeffers's poetry.
. This poem appeared in _The Manitoban,_ 9 October 1945, not November.
. These are simply titled "Poems."
. "Song of the Race of Ulysses" and "Bread Hath He" were published in _Vox_ XX, no. 2 (March 1947), not March of 1944, as stated in Stovel, _Embryo Words,_ when, in fact, Peggy was still in high school).
. See _Vox_ XX, no.3 (December 1947). MacQuarrie's valedictory remarks are reminiscent of those in editorials by Herb Ray, Peggy's principal at NCI.
. I am indebted to the Nova Scotia poet and historian Sandra L. Barry for her comments about Margaret Laurence's poetry.
. Author interviews with Roland Penner, John Speers, Jack Ludwig, and A.G. Bedford. Adele Wiseman also remarked that, when she first knew Peggy, she thought of her primarily as a poet.
. "Fallen King," mentioned previously, is less significant in terms of her efforts with short fiction.
. "Letter to Bob Sorfleet," 13 November 1978, in _Journal of Canadian Fiction,_ 27 (1980): 52-53. The visit to Carman was also commented on by Madge Hetherington Allen, interview by author, Toronto, 9 January 1992.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. ML, "Letter to Bob Sorfleet."
. _Vox_ XX, no.2 (March 1947): 5-8.
. _Tamarack Review_ 32 (Summer 1964).
. For more information about the _Winnipeg Citizen,_ see publications by Harry Ferns; Kenneth Goldstein; and Noelle Boughton.
. John Marshall, interview by author, Toronto, 16 December 1991.
. It seems misleading to suggest that Louise and Mona did not attend because of disagreements with Peggy. Cf. King, 48.
. When Peggy Wemyss began working for this paper in May 1947, it was called the _Western Tribune,_ abbreviated hereafter as TWT. The name on the masthead changed to _The Westerner_ during June 1947 (TW).
. She realized, however, that some of the staff were members of the Communist Party and recalled their idealism with respect _(Dance,_ 107). See also ML to Al Purdy, 23 October 1967. _Selected Letters of Margaret Laurence and Adele Wiseman._ Edited by John Lennox and Ruth Panofsky. (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1997), 61. Hereafter Lennox and Panofsky.
There are hundreds of letters between Margaret Laurence and Adele Wiseman in the archives at York University, Ontario. These letters were unpublished at the time of this author's research there. In 1997, however, a selection from this correspondence was published in an important volume, _Selected Letters of Margaret Laurence and Adele Wiseman,_ edited with an excellent introductory essay and extensive notes by John Lennox and Ruth Panofsky (University of Toronto Press, 1997). For ease of reference for others, I have, therefore, cited that volume when a particular letter can be found there.
. For a more detailed account of her newspaper columns, see Donez Xiques, "Early Influences: Laurence's Newspaper Career," in _Challenging Territory,_ edited by Chris Riegel. (Edmonton: The University of Alberta Press, 1997), 187- 210.
. Jean Cole, a writer and friend from the Peterborough/Lakefield area of Ontario, reports that Margaret did talk about her journalism days with Alf, Jean's husband, who was a writer and journalist. Jean Cole, interview by author, Lakefield, 7 June 1994.
. _TWT,_ May 3, 1947.
. TW, 30 August 1947.
. TW, 6 September 1947.
. Adele Wiseman, interview by author, Toronto, 9 November 1991.
. TW, 13 September 1947.
. See Chapter II, "The Nuisance Grounds," _The Diviners,_ 124-32.
. TW, 11 October 1947.
. The history of this unique newspaper has been chronicled in Master's theses by Kenneth Goldstein," The _Winnipeg Citizen:_ A History and Analysis of the World's first Co-operative-owned Daily Newspaper." Ryerson Polytechnical Institute (1966), and by Noelle Boughton. "The Fall of the _Winnipeg Citizen_." Carleton University (1978). See also H.S. Crowe, "The _Winnipeg Citizen:_ First Co-op Newspaper" _The Canadian Forum,_ XXVII (March 1948): 273-74; and Professor Harry S. Ferns _Reading from Left to Right: One Man's Political History_ (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 1983). During the early days of the paper, one of Ferns's talented former history students, Jeannette Grosney '46, gave important direction to the running of the paper's first office (Ferns, 238-39).
. Kenneth Goldstein, interview by author, Winnipeg, 1 October 1991. He recalls that Laurence mentioned that working on the labour beat was "just wild."
. For details about the staff, see Goldstein.
. _Dance,_ 107. By 1949 Peggy Laurence was no longer writing for this paper and there are no articles with her byline in the _Winnipeg Citizen_ during that year.
. Anne Ross, interview by author, Winnipeg, 30 September 1991; and Shirley Lev Sharzer, interview by author, Ottawa, 24 October 1991.
. Professor J.C. Woodbury, telephone conversation with author, 3 May 1993; and Shirley Sharzer, interview by author, Ottawa, 24 October 1991.
. "In the Air" was limited to two columns, but the length of the columns varied. This feature appeared six days a week from the paper's inception in March 1948 to mid-July 1948. As the result of an acute shortage of newsprint during the postwar period, however, the number of pages was subsequently reduced, and Peggy Laurence's column then appeared only once a week rather than daily.
. TW, 2 August 1947.
. TW, 2 August 1947.
. TW, 2 August 1947. In 1962, however, Margaret Laurence favourably reviewed W.O. Mitchell's novel _Jake and the Kid_ in _Canadian Literature_ 11 (1962): 68-70.
. WC, 24 May 1948.
. WC, 17 April 1948.
. Kenneth Goldstein, interview by author, Winnipeg, 1 October 1991.
. WC, 3 April and 7 June, 1948.
. WC, 7 June 1948.
. WC, 9 April 1948.
. In 1948, CKSB reached every French community in the province of Manitoba. There were fifty-two communities within the station's primary coverage area, which extended as far as Kenora in Ontario.
. WC, 5 April 1948.
. WC, 25 March 1948.
. WC, 15 April 1948.
. WC, 6 May 1948.
. WC, 4 March 1948.
. WC, 2 March 1948.
. WC, 11 May 1948.
. _WC,_ 11 May 1948.
. WC, 6 April 1948. See also Peggy's columns on 7 and 8 April, 3 May, and 13 July 1948. Adele Wiseman, in a column for _The Westerner_ in July 1947, called attention to a brief that had been presented to the Commons Radio Committee. It alleged that Canada was nothing but a "dumping ground for American talent," and that the cost of "piping in" American programs was so little that advertisers preferred to do that rather than use Canadian talent. The brief demanded, among other things, that some sort of tariff be established to protect Canadian talent (TW, 12 July 1947).
. _TWT,_ 3 May 1947.
. WC, 15 September 1948.
. WC, 12 May 1948.
. WC, 22 April 1948.
. WC, 6 April 1948.
. WC, 19 May 1948.
. WC, 28 May 1948.
. WC, 27 May 1948.
. WC, 8 June 1948.
. WC, 8 June 1948.
. WC, 17 March 1948.
. WC, 22 March 1948.
. _Dance,_ 108. Some sense of the distinctive character of Winnipeg's North End during that period is conveyed in Gutkind, _The Worst of Times, The Best of Times_ (Markham, Ontario: Fitzhenry and Whiteside, 1987), as well as in Adele Wiseman's _Memoirs of a Book Molesting Childhood and Other Essays_ (Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1987), and the paintings of A.J. Paquette, a number of which are reproduced in his book, _Markings: Scenes and Recollections of Winnipeg's North End_ (Winnipeg: Loch & Mayberry, 1995).
. Anne Ross, interview by author, Winnipeg, 30 September 1991.
. Ibid.
. Decades later, after Anne Ross had become executive director of the Mount Carmel Clinic in Winnipeg, she called upon her experiences at the clinic to write _Pregnant and Alone_ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1978), and turned to Margaret for advice about her manuscript, which Laurence willingly gave.
. Anne Ross, interview by author, Winnipeg, 30 September 1991.
. _Dance,_ 108. Given Peggy's penchant for writing, it is possible that she wrote for an in-house publication or newsletter at the YWCA.
. _Dance,_ 107.
. Kenneth Goldstein, interview by author, Winnipeg, 1 October 1991.
. Ferns, _Reading from Left to Right,_ 251.
. Roland Penner, interview by author, Winnipeg, 5 October 1992; Anne Ross, interview by author, Winnipeg, 30 September 1991. See also _Dance,_ 107-108.
. WC, 22 September 1948. In addition to her regular column, "In the Air," Peggy Wemyss/Laurence probably wrote a number of unsigned articles while on staff at _The Westerner_ and the _Winnipeg Citizen._
. "The Greater Evil," _Toronto Life,_ September 1984. Laurence included this essay in the second part of her memoirs, _Dance on the Earth,_ 265-74.
. Harold Horwood, "Unforgettable Margaret Laurence," _Reader's Digest_ (April 1988): 107-11.
. _The Prophet's Camel Bell,_ paperback edition (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1963, rpt. 1988), with afterword by Clara Thomas, 11. References throughout are to this edition, since it is widely available; abbreviated hereafter as _PCB_.
. _PCB,_ 14.
. ML to Adele and the Wiseman family, 24 November 1949. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Jack Laurence to AW, 16 July 1950. The Eliot passage is from "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock."
. ML to AW, 16 July 1950. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 28 January 1950 in Lennox and Panofsky, 34-37.
. Ibid.
. ML to the Wiseman family, 1 January 1950. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. This quotation and the details are from Laurence's review of _Radclyffe Hall at the Well of Loneliness,_ a biography written by Lovat Dickson, Margaret's former editor, at Macmillan, London. _Globe and Mail_ (30 August 1975): 28-29.
. Roland Penner, interview by author, Winnipeg, 5 October 1992.
. Helen Warkentin Stanley, interview by author, Shediac Bridge. New Brunswick, 21 July 1996. Helen and Peggy had been roommates during their first two years at United College.
. Joyce Friesen, telephone conversation with author, 9 February 1997.
. The poem contains echoes of Robinson Jeffers, a poet whom she had admired when she was an undergraduate. Laurence wrote an essay about Jeffers that appeared in _Vox_ XX, 2 (March 1947), 5-8.
. Laurence mentions these poems in a letter to Adele, 28 January 1950. Lennox and Panofsky, 34.
. ML to the Wiseman Family, 17 November 1950. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _PCB,_ 12.
. Peggy referred to John Ruskin's remarks on the subject (ML to AW, 27 December 1950), Lennox and Panofsky, 44.
. All quotations in this paragraph are from ML to AW, 27 December 1950. Lennox and Panofsky, 43.
. _PCB,_ 13.
. ML to AW, 27 December 1950. Lennox and Panofsky, 46-47.
. In a letter to Clara Thomas, Margaret Laurence clarified the origin of the reference to the stone angel and offered details about the Staglieno cemetery in Italy and the stone angel there. (See York University, Archives and Special Collections, Clara Thomas Fonds). Although there is a large stone angel in the cemetery at Neepawa, which townspeople have "claimed" as the angel referred to in that novel, Laurence has given no support for that assumption, which probably arose from an understandable desire by some townspeople to equate many of the places in Margaret's hometown with the fictional town of Manawaka.
. _PCB,_ 15.
. Sixteen years later Margaret Laurence returned to Port Said on assignment for _Holiday._ The resulting essay, "Captain Pilot Shawkat and Kipling's Ghost," was published in _Heart of a Stranger,_ 109-129.
. _PCB,_ 24.
. Ibid., 23.
. Ibid., 20.
. ML to AW, 12 February 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 48.
. See Margaret Castagno, _Historical Dictionary of Somalia_ (Metuchen, NewJersey: The Scarecrow Press, 1975). This work, initiated by Alphonso A. Castagno, was completed by his widow and remains very helpful in explaining aspects of life in Somaliland during this period.
. During the very hot season, the colonials preferred Sheikh to Hargeisa, even though it involved a round-trip journey of two days.
. All quotations in this paragraph are from ML to AW, 12 February 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 47-51.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. _PCB,_ 57.
. ML to AW, 19 February 1951. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 29 March 1951, airletter #1. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to B.W. Andrzejewski, 9 November 1951. York University, Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _PCB,_ 59.
. "Lost in the Storm," Radio Letter #2. March 1954. MS. Elizabeth Long Papers, University of Waterloo Archives.
. _PCB,_ 77.
. See "Lost in the Storm." Radio Letter #2, March 1954. MS. Elizabeth Long Papers, University of Waterloo Archives. See also _PCB,_ 77-78.
. C.J. Martin to author, 22 April 1989. In the Protectorate he was then known as "Bob" Martin.
. _PCB,_ 228. After he retired to England, Philip Shirley wrote to Margaret Laurence about _The Prophet's Camel Bell_. He praised her analysis and remarked that he did not think she had been hard on some of the colonialists. Then, he made an important distinction, namely that it was not so much the Colonial attitude as such, but it was the attitude of a section of society which is always "'objectionable,' but whose 'small talk' is more unfair and stupid in such countries. We have 'memsahibs' in our village [in England] who have never been much further than Norwich." Philip Shirley to Margaret Laurence, 3 October 1963. Trent University Archives.
. _Heart,_ 54.
. "Lost in the Storm." Radio Letter #2, March 1954. MS. University of Waterloo Archives, Elizabeth Long papers.
. _PCB,_ 87.
. Ibid., 88-89.
. Ibid., 89.
. Ibid., 94.
. Laurence also recounts this in her unpublished Journal, 18 August 1986, MS. McMaster University Archives.
. _PCB,_ 71.
. Ibid., 96.
. Sheila Andrzejewski, e-mail to the author, 23 November 2004.
. ML to AW, 22 December 1952. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. T.S. Eliot, _Four Quartets,_ "Burnt Norton," II.
. _PCB,_ 96.
. Ibid., 96
. ML to AW, 12 February 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 51.
. J.W.C. Kirk published an English grammar of the Somali language in 1905, but it was neither complete nor current. Kirk's book was in Laurence's library at the time of her death. Chris Bell had also worked on a grammar when he was director of the government school in Sheikh.
. Margaret Laurence in her letters referred to him as Goosh, and his wife, Sheila, states that he was never called Bogumil. His countrymen referred to him as Bogus, and he anglicized the spelling to Goosh. Sheila Andrzejewski, e-mail to author, 26 February 2001.
. His poems were praised by Czeslaw Milosz, the distinguished Polish author and Nobel Laureate (Shelia Andrzejewski, letter to author, 1 August 1995). Goosh's wife pointed out that her husband's poems, which are in Polish, have such nuance and verbal play that they are very difficult to translate into English. She noted, moreover, that the complexity and subtlety of Goosh's poems are very different from the traditional Somali poems that he translated.
. See obituaries: "A Wise Scholar in Somalia," by Anita Suleman Adam, the _Guardian,_ 14 December 1994; "Professor B.W. Andrzejewski," by I.M. Lewis, the _Independent,_ 6 December 1994; and "Professor Bogumil Witalis Andrzejewski" by Martin Orwin, _Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies,_ University of London, vol. LIX, Part I, 1996.
. Anita Suleman Adam, "A Wise Scholar in Somalia." _Guardian,_ 14 December 1994.
. After completing his doctoral studies, B.W. (Goosh) Andrzejewski returned to Somalia on many other occasions and was held in high esteem by the people of Somalia.
. B.W. Andrzejewski to author, 11 April 1989.
. Ibid.
. ML to B.W.Andrzejewski, 12 May 1962. York University, Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Sheila Andrzejewski, e-mail to the author, 17 April 2001.
. In due course, when Professor Andrzejewski had the opportunity to refine his notes and supplement his field work with additional analysis back in England, he published many books and articles on the subject. In the years that followed he became recognized world-wide as an authority on the subject.
. ML to AW, 2 May 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 52.
. T.S. Eliot, "What the Thunder Said," in _The Wasteland,Section_ V, lines 331-33, 336.
. ML to AW, 2 May 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 51.
. C.J. Martin letter to author, 22 April 1989.
. In his youth, Musa Haji Ismail Galaal had been a nomadic pastoralist. Later he became a teacher and subsequently engaged in linguistic and literary research at the Department of Education at Sheikh. He also spent three years at the School of Oriental and African Studies, University of London. After returning to Somalia, which by then had become an independent country, Musa Galaal was recognized as a national authority on the Somali language.
. B.W.Andrzejewski clarified this point in a letter to the author, 24 November 1991.
. _PCB,_ 113.
. B.W. Andrzejewski letter to author, 24 November 1991.
. The Transcription Centre, London, under the directorship of Professor Dennis Duerden, amassed a tape library of discussions, talks, and interviews, originally produced for broadcast over various radio networks in Africa. Most of that material is now archived in the United States, at the Harry Ransom Research Center, University of Texas (Austin) and at the University of Indiana.
. _A Tree for Poverty: Somali Poetry and Prose_ (Shannon, Ireland: Irish University Press and Mc Master University Library, 1970), 36. (This reprint is a photolithographic facsimile of the first edition and unabridged even to the extent of retaining original printer's imprint). Hereafter _Tree._
. PCB, 94.
. Although Peggy used the spelling, "gabei" in _A Tree for Poverty,_ she later adopted "gabay" in _The Prophet's Camel Bell._ The latter had become the accepted spelling by then, and for that reason has been used throughout this book.
. ML to AW, 4 September 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 63.
. Introduction to _Tree,_ 4.
. Ibid.
. _PCB,_ 106. For a more detailed discussion of the challenge which these poems presented for Laurence, see Xiques "Margaret Laurence's Somali Translations," _Canadian Literature_ 135 (Winter 1992 ): 33-48.
. These two versions appear in Xiques, "Margaret Laurence's Somali Translations," 46.
. _PCB,_ 248.
. ML to AW, 15 June 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 55.
. C.J. Martin letter to author, 28 March 1990.
. In that book see especially Chapters 6 and 7. In the "Acknowledgements" to _A Tree for Poverty,_ Margaret Laurence thanks by name all those who gave her assistance with the translations.
. ML to AW, 2 May 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 52. All information in this paragraph is taken from this letter.
. ML to B.W. Andrzejewski, 9 November 1951. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. Unfortunately, Hersi Jama did lose the use of that hand.
. Ibid. Some of this information is also in _PCB,_ 174-75.
. All quotations in this paragraph are from _PCB,_ 117.
. ML to B.W.Andrzejewski, 21 July 1951. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. King, 84-85. Margaret Laurence describes the journey to Djibouti and Zeilah in her contemporary letters and in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_ (118-133). After the hazards and challenges that she and Jack endured as they tried to reach Djibouti in time to meet the shipment of tractors, Laurence describes the place and its inhabitants in great detail, referring to it as the "shabby Paris of the Gulf of Aden." Although they sometimes went out to dinner and a nightclub, that was expected of an engineer and his wife. It was also a respite from the day's harsh labours and intense heat. Margaret Laurence concluded her comments about that trip with the statement: "We were as glad to leave Djibouti as we had been to arrive.... Djibouti — may we never see you again." _PCB,_ 133.
. ML to AW, 4 September 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 60.
. ML to Elsie and John Laurence, 14 August 1951
. _PCB,_ 106.
. ML to Elsie and John Laurence, 14 August 1951.
. ML to B,W,Andrzejewski, 9 November 1951. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Tim Howells, telephone conversation with author, 16 May 1990.
. R.W. Turnbull letter to author, 15 July 1989. After leaving the Protectorate, Rob Turnbull became a veterinarian. While in the Protectorate he had worked with Edward Peck, who is "Ernest" in _The Prophet's Camel Bell_.
. Tim Howells, telephone conversation with author, 16 May 1990.
. In a letter to B.W. Andrzejewski, 9 November 1951, Peggy mentions several people in the colonial service whom she and Jack liked and with whom they did enjoy socializing. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Michael Wilson to letter author, 6 January 1992. Wilson's impressive character is described by Laurence in a telling anecdote in _The Prophet's Camel Bell,_ where she changed his name to "Matthew," pp.40-44.
. Michael Wilson later joined the UNO and went to Uganda and Afghanistan for about sixteen years. Over the years, he and Peggy exchanged many letters (Michael Wilson, letter to author, 6 January 1992).
. ML to B.W.Andrzejewski, 9 November 1951. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 4 September 1951, Airletter #3. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Margaret Laurence makes that clear in a letter to Goosh Andrzejewski and his wife, Sheila (9 November 1951). York University, Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 30 January 1952. Lennox and Panofsky, 72.
. Ibid.
. ML to Whit Burnett, 5 November 1951. Princeton University, _Story_ archives, box 112.
. As quoted in Ludwig. "You Always Go Home Again," _Mosaic_ 3 (Spring 1970), 107-11.
. Ludwig, 193.
. There may be some correspondence between Philip Shirley, (E.P.S. Shirley, CMG, OBE) and Peggy between 1952 and1954 in the Colonial Archives at the Public Records Office in England. But it is unlikely that any trace remains in Somalia, since the government buildings in Mogadishu were destroyed by artillery barrage in the 1990s. Shirley's son, William, thought their correspondence was no longer extant (William Shirley, letter to author, 26 March 1990).
. ML to AW, 30 January 1952. Lennox and Panofsky, 71.
. Ibid.
. ML to B.W. Andrzejewski, 22 April 1952. York University, Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _PCB,_ 247.
. C.J. Martin, letter to author, 27 April 1989.
. _PCB,_ 245.
. Ibid.
. Philip Shirley to ML, 3 October 1963, Trent University Archives.
. Ann Phelps Hamilton, interview by author, 17 October 1991.
. For a more nuanced depiction of expatriate life in another part of Africa, one may read Doris Lessing's novels and volume one of her autobiography, _Under My Skin._ For Margaret Laurence's comments on memsahibs, see _PCB,_ 16, 25, 88; and Chapter 14, "The Imperialists."
. Michael Wilson, letter to author, 6 January 1992.
. Margaret Laurence, preface to the facsimile edition of _A Tree for Poverty_ (Shannon, Ireland: Irish University Press and McMaster University Library, Hamilton, Ontario, 1970), v. This Irish University Press reprint is a photolithographic facsimile of the first edition, published in 1954, in Nairobi, through arrangements made then by the government of the British Somaliland Protectorate.
. B.W.Andrzejewski letter to author, 18 March 1989.
. Laurence herself distinguishes between translations and paraphrases of the tales. Professor Andrzejewski reported that he "never checked any of her prose narratives in detail and they are not translations but rather 'tales retold,' in which the principal fidelity applies only to the themes but not to the actual wording." B.W. Andrzejewski letter to author, 24 November 1991. For further discussion and details about _A Tree for Poverty,_ see Fiona Sparrow's excellent and comprehensive study, _Into Africa with Margaret Laurence_ (Toronto: ECW Press, 1992) and Xiques "Margaret Laurence's Somali Translations," _Canadian Literature_ 135 (October 1992).
. Among Somalis in the years that followed, the _belwo_ became a much-longer love poem, the _heello_. For further details on fascinating forms of Somali oral poetry see B.W. Andrzejewski and I.M. Lewis, _Somali Poetry: An Introduction_ (Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1964) and more recent articles cited by Fiona Sparrow.
. _Heart,_ 81.
. Ibid., 50.
. Ibid., 79.
. _Somaliland Journal_ 1.3 (December 1956): 138-41. Margaret Laurence's name appears in this issue amongst members of The Somaliland Society (65). Only three issues of the _Somaliland Journal_ were published — "in December of the years 1954,1955, and 1956. Both the Society and the Journal just faded away at the time of Independence." (John Lawrie, letter to author, 28 January 1993).
. See Tree, 17, and _PCB,_ Chapter 9.
. _Tree,_ 17. Margaret Laurence is very precise about this in her introduction to _A Tree for Poverty,_ where she explains that the stories are of two types: "those translated directly from the Somali and those paraphrased. The former were translated literally for me by Musa Haji Ismail Galaal and B.W. Andrzejewski, and I have taken these literal translations and tried to put them into English which would convey as much as possible of the dramatic effect of the original. The latter type of story was obtained in a very different way." Those tales were told to her partly in Somali, but mainly in English. "They are, therefore, not exact translations but paraphrases of the stories I heard."
. It appears in _PCB,_ 218-23.
. ML to B.W. Andrzejewski, 9 November 1951. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. _Tree,_ 37.
. Ian Serraillier, letter to author, 20 February 1990. Letter and BBC tape in author's collection.
. C.J. Martin interview by author, Christchurch, Dorset, England, 3 May 1990.
. _Somaliland Journal_ 1:1. 52 (December 1954). Public Records Office, Kew, England.
. _War Somali Sidihi,_ 23 October 1954. This was a fortnightly newssheet produced in the Department of Information in Hargeisa, beginning in 1953. Public Records Office, Kew, England.
. B.W. Andrzejewski letter to author, 18 March 1989.
. In a letter to Adele, Peggy said she had finished translating a lot of Somali poems and stories, but she was not sure what to do with them and doubted that they would appeal to a publisher. "Still," she noted, "it was interesting work and I'm not sorry I did it." (ML to AW, 30 January 1952). Lennox and Panofsky, 72.
. See John Buchholzer, _The Horn of Africa: Travels in British Somaliland,_ translated from the Danish by Maurice Michael, especially Chapters 12 and 13. I discovered Bucholzer's book and his appropriation of Laurence's work while browsing in a bookshop. His plagiarism of her translations was subsequently confirmed by letters in the Margaret Laurence Fonds at York University and by my interviews.
. ML to AW, 15 June 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 54.
. Ibid.
. Ibid. While Peggy was growing up, there remained a good deal of prejudice in Neepawa against Ukrainians (whom they also referred to as Galicians) and other Eastern Europeans.
. ML to AW, 15 June 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 54.
. _Rachel, Rachel_ was the first film directed by the American actor Paul Newman. It starred his wife, Joanne Woodward. _Life_ magazine featured the film on the cover of its October 18, 1968, issue and carried an article about it.
. ML to AW, 30 January 1952. Lennox and Panofsky, 72.
. Some Somali tales are not unlike stories of the trickster in Canadian Native literature.
. William J. Keith, "'Uncertain Flowering': An Overlooked Short Story by Margaret Laurence," _Canadian Literature_ 112 (1987): 202–5.
. Since Somaliland was celebrating the anniversary of its independence from colonial powers, the government was not eager to invite Westerners back to its celebrations. Peggy was invited because of her English translation of Somali tales and poems, _A Tree for Poverty._
. The American edition had a different title: _New Wind in a Dry Land_ (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1964).
. _Dance,_ 140.
. _Dance,_ 141.
. ML to Gabrielle Roy, 15 February 1976, Fonds Gabrielle Roy, National Archives, Ottawa. See also _Dance,_ 142. This letter, written in 1976, gives an indication of the impact that fictional characters could have in shaping Laurence's approach to situations that she faced in her own life. A very fine collection of the letters between these two writers is now available to the general public: _Intimate Strangers: The Letters between Margaret Laurence and Gabrielle Roy,_ edited by Paul G. Socken (Winnipeg: University of Manitoba Press, 2004).
. _Dance,_ 142.
. Jack Laurence, interview by author, Vancouver, 23 October 1992.
. _Dance,_ 142.
. Ibid., 143.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 12 March 1955. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 1 December 1952. Lennox and Panofsky, 75.
. Ibid.
. _Heart,_ 33.
. ML to AW, 26 October 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Lawrence Henry Yaw Ofosu-Appiah (1920-1990) was one of the first African lecturers at the University of Ghana. He also became the first African master of Akuafo Hall, built in 1957. Professor Ofosu-Appiah edited the first two volumes of the _Encyclopaedia Africana,_ wrote several books, including _People in Bondage: African Slavery in the Modern World,_ and translated Homer's _Odyssey_ into Twi, one of the major languages of Ghana.
. _Heart,_ 33.
. Mrs. Ofosu-Appiah, telephone interview with the author, 12 February 2001.
. In _Dance on the Earth_ Laurence mistakenly identifies Ofosu-Appiah's college as Achimista (153). James King, following Laurence, also makes that identification (115). However, the college was actually Achimota, located in Achimista. Known for its rigorous standards, Achimota College later became part of the University of Ghana.
. ML to AW, 16 January 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 16 February 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 79.
. ML to Burnett, 5 November 1951. Further details about the publication of Margaret Laurence's first story may be found in Xiques, "New Light on Margaret Laurence's First African Short Story," _Canadian Notes and Queries_ 42 (1990).
. Whit Burnett to ML, 19 July 1952, Princeton University Library, _Story_ archives.
. Quotation from the jacket of _The Story of_ "Story _Magazine"_ by Jay Neugeboren.
. ML to AW, 16 February 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 79.
. Whit Burnett to ML, 12 February 1953, in _Story_ archives, Princeton University. On the other hand, Laurence's letters to Adele Wiseman present a different picture and make clear that she had been struggling rather unsuccessfully with one or two novels for a long period of time. No doubt Peggy decided those efforts were best left unmentioned in her letter to Burnett.
. More complete details about this appear in W.J. Keith, "'Uncertain Flowering': An Overlooked Short Story..." and in Xiques, "New Light on Margaret Laurence's First African Short Story."
. "The" was omitted from the published title.
. _Prism_ 1 (September 1959).
. The section, which appears in both works, is found in _Story_ 4: 16–18 and in _The Prophet's Camel Bell,_ 60–61.
. "The Young and the Old" by William Peden is a review of _Story: The Magazine of the Short Story in Book Form._ Number 4. Edited by Whit Burnett and Hallie Burnett. ( New York: A,A, Wyn, Inc. Publishers, 1953). In it, Peden states that several new writers, including Margaret Laurence, have stories that are "first-rate." Undated clipping, York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. The clipping is signed by her at the top (J.M. Laurence) and dated Accra, 1954.
. ML to AW, 16 January 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 16 February 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 79.
. ML to AW, 20 July 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 16 February 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 79.
. Kay Bolton, interview by author, Montreal, 12 February 1997. Her husband, Eliot, had officiated at the wedding of Watson and Mary Thomson. Kay and Eliot had lived at the Roslyn Road house for several years, but they were not related to Jack Laurence, although James King states that Frances, their daughter, was a cousin to Jack (192).
. ML to AW, 8 June 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 82.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 20 July 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. _Dance,_ 17.
. ML to AW, 19 September 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 27 November 1953. While the content of these scripts is clearly Peggy's, the style is not typical. She states that Elizabeth Long of the CBC did edit them, but it remains unclear as to whether Laurence also edited them for the purposes of broadcasting. If she did, that would also account for the distinct differences between the way the same content is presented in _PCB_ and in the archived scripts.
. ML to AW, 26 October 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 19 September 1953.
. Ibid., 2 January 1954.
. Ibid., 14 December 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 84.
. Ibid.
. Wiseman's review appeared in _Queen's Quarterly_ 62 (Winter 1956): 610–11.
. ML to AW, 4 September 1951. Lennox and Panofsky, 57. Laurence's translation of that _belwo_ also appears in _Tree,_ 48.
. ML to AW, 7 April 1954. Lennox and Panofsky, 87. Here Laurence mentions her letter to Professor Malcolm Ross.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 8 June 1953. Lennox and Panofsky, 82.
. ML to AW, 26 October 1953 and 27 November 1953. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid., 27 November 1953.
. Ibid., 26 October 1953.
. Ibid., 2 January 1954.
. Ibid., 19 February 1954.
. Ibid., 10 March 1954.
. Ibid., 19 February 1954.
. Ibid., 2 January 1954.
. This project involved Aluminum Ltd. of Canada and the British Aluminum Company in Great Britain. The findings of Commander Jackson's commission were published in three volumes in 1956.
. Jack Laurence, interview by author, 23 October 1992.
. Clara Thomas notes that Margaret Laurence typed the first draft of Ward's _Faith and Freedom._ See "Morning Yet on Creation Day: A Study of _This Side Jordan_ ," in _A Place to Stand On: Essays by and about Margaret Laurence,_ edited by George Woodcock (Edmonton: NeWest Press, 1983), 93-105.
. _Faith and Freedom,_ 4-5. In 1961, Barbara Ward delivered the first Massey Lectures in Canada. These were broadcast by the CBC and later published as _Rich Nations, Poor Nations._ Laurence, who was then living in Canada, may well have heard them. Twenty years later, Margaret Laurence again referred to Barbara Ward in her Convocation Address to Emmanuel College, Victoria University, University of Toronto, 6 May 1982. She said: "The late Dr. Barbara Ward, the great economist, in one of her books put forward the thesis that if the world's economy could be geared less towards arms production and more towards helping people, it would be possible for everyone in the world to have enough fresh water." See Laurence, "A Statement of Faith" in Woodcock, 15-19.
. Jack Laurence, interview by author, 23 October 1992.
. ML to AW, 19 February 1954. Although this is Margaret's account, there seems to be no reason to question it, since she was writing to a close friend. In addition, Sheila Andrzejewski remembers that, when she knew the Laurences, both in the British Somaliland Protectorate and later in England, with one exception she had not seen either Jack or Margaret drink too much. Sheila Andrzejewski, e-mail to author, 14 November 2000.
. ML to AW, 19 February 1954. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 10 March 1954.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 7 April 1954. Lennox and Panofsky, 87.
. John Simpson died in 1953, one month before his ninety-seventh birthday. When Margaret was interviewed many years later, she admitted: "I hated him for a long time even after his death." But she also noted that she had subsequently acquired "a kind of respect and admiration for him. He walked from Winnipeg to Portage La Prairie, you know, as a pioneer. That was really remarkable." Interview with William French, _Globe and Mail,_ 25 April 1970, 6.
Circumstances had made it necessary for Marg Wemyss to sell the Big House on First Avenue. She then moved with her elderly father back to the Little House. After John Simpson's death, she sold the Little House and moved to British Columbia, where she joined her sister, Ruby.
. Dance, 110.
. ML to AW, 20 September 1954. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 29 March 1955.
. Ibid., 20 September 1954.
. Ibid.
. Rawlplugs (Peg's spelling here has been regularized).
. _PCB._ 247-48, The original typescript of _A Tree for Poverty_ was presented to the Somaliland Society by the Chief Secretary to the government. See the _Somaliland Journal_ 1.1 (1954): 62.
. ML to AW, 15 November 1954. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 31 December 1954.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 12 March 1955.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 29 March 1955.
. Barbara Ward (Baroness Jackson) Papers, Georgetown University Archives and Special Collections, Box 1, 11.
. _This Side Jordan_ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1960, reprinted 1989, New Canadian Library), 121-22. This edition will be used throughout.
. Barbara Ward, 26 June 1955. Barbara Ward (Baroness Jackson) Papers, Georgetown University Archives and Special Collections, Box 1.
. ML to AW, 20 June 1955. Lennox and Panofsky, 89.
. ML to AW, 29 March 1955. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 20 June 1955. Lennox and Panofsky, 89.
. Ibid.
. _Dance,_ 150-51.
. _Dance,_ 150.
. _Dance,_ 149.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 149-50.
. Ibid., 150.
. Ibid., 152.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 110. It is clear from this passage that Aunt Ruby, not Mum, had broken her wrist.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 110-112.
. Ibid., 112.
. Toward the end of her life, Margaret Laurence had the same sort of response when a very dear friend, Evelyn Robinson, her next-door neighbour for many years in Lakefield, died. Although Evelyn's husband asked Margaret to say a few words at the memorial service for his wife, she preferred to write a tribute to Evelyn. Earl Robinson recalls that Margaret had come into their house twice on the day that his wife had died: "Margaret didn't say anything. Later she returned with something she had written. It was a tribute. Afterwards it was printed in the Lakefield paper." That Margaret could not then speak directly to Evelyn's husband, but needed to put her thoughts on paper, was partially the result of her shyness and partially due to her great respect for the written word and the fact she felt more comfortable writing her deepest feelings than speaking them.
. ML to AW, 27 January 1956. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 3 April 1956.
. Ibid.
. Ibid., 28 May 1956.
. Ibid. These are significant remarks that bear, in fact, on a major problem that Margaret Laurence later encountered when trying to write a novel after _The Diviners_ had been published. She attempted then to deal fictionally with those persons and groups who had declared _The Diviners_ to be reprehensible (despite the fact that many of them had never read it). It was extremely difficult for Laurence to arrive at the necessary critical distance, nor was she able to summon, as she so often had done before, a deep sympathy and understanding of her characters. The basis for the novel was to have been her own experience with the book-banners in the Peterborough area. Having been so profoundly wounded by their attacks, she was unable to position herself to write about that, although to do so would have been in accord with the way she had dealt with hurt and misunderstanding in the past.
. ML to AW, 3 April 1956. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid., 28 May 1956.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 10 July 1956. Lennox and Panofsky, 91.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Klein. Carole. _Doris Lessing: A Biography_ (New York: Carroll & Graf, 2000), 74-86.
. ML to AW, 23 July 1956. Lennox and Panofsky, 94.
. Ibid.
. _Dance,_ 152.
. At the time of Margaret Laurence's death in 1987, more than a hundred books pertaining to Africa, including works by R.S. Rattray, E.L.R. Meyerowitz, and J.B. Danquah, remained in her personal library. They were subsequently acquired by McMaster University, Hamilton, Ontario.
. ML to AW, 23 July 1956. Lennox and Panofsky, 94.
. Ibid.
. Alice Munro, telephone interview with author, 21 May 1993.
. ML to AW, 10 July 1956. Lennox and Panofsky, 91.
. ML to AW, 31 July 1956. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 31 July 1956. Airletter #2. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. Peggy added a p.s. to the letter: "The story is _not_ autobiographical."
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 4 December 1956. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. "In East and in West Africa I saw children who were desperately ill with malaria. My own two children had malaria, as babies, in Ghana. They were fortunate. They had medical help.... But I remember as though it were yesterday — and it was in fact nearly thirty years ago — my own sense of helplessness and anguish. How many parents in malarial areas, now as then mourn their children killed by a disease that could have been eradicated years ago?" Laurence, "A Statement of Faith," in Woodcock, 56-60.
. ML to AW, 4 December 1956. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid., 26 November 1956.
. Ibid., 14 December 1956.
. _Dance,_ 113. See also ML to AW, 26 November 1956 and 4 December 1956. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. 1952 is the date of Amos Tutuola's _The Palm-Wine Drinkard,_ and 1966 the date of Achebe's _A Man of the People_ and Ekwensi's _Iska._ Due to the efforts of Professor Nora Foster Stovel, Margaret Laurence's study of Nigerian writers, _Long Drums and Cannons,_ was reissued by the University of Alberta Press in 2001. Edited with an introduction by Stovel, it also has a foreword by Professor Doug Killam, as well as the previously unpublished text of a talk that Laurence gave in 1969, "Tribalism as Us vs. Them," and an essay by Abdul-Rasheed Na'Allah "Nigerian Literature Then and Now." Since Laurence's work had become difficult to obtain, this new edition is an important contribution to the field.
. Laurence's African books were subsequently acquired by McMaster University Library, where they became part of the library's general collection. Other books in her library, principally ones dealing with Canada and Canadians, went to Trent University.
. Kay Bolton, telephone conversation with author, 6 September 1994.
. Mona Spratt Meredith, interview by author, Vancouver, 28 November 1994.
. Dance,113.
. _Vancouver Sun, 19_ February 1957.
. "Letter to Bob Sorfleet." Some years later, however, Laurence did publish another science-fiction story, "Fable for the Whaling Fleets," in _Whales: A Celebration,_ edited by Greg Gatenby (Boston and Toronto: Little Brown and Co. 1983), 89. Laurence also included that story in _Dance on the Earth._
. ML to AW, 18 February 1957. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _Dance,_ 113.
. Ibid., 114-15.
. Ibid., 115.
. Ibid., 117.
. Elsie's first novel was published in 1916 under the pseudonym Christine Field. After her marriage, however, her creative efforts focused chiefly on poetry and short magazine pieces, which, as a busy housewife and mother, she could complete more easily than a novel. The income from Elsie's writing augmented her husband's rather modest salary. In her later years she did publish another novel, _Bright Wings_ (1964).
. _Dance,_ 115.
. ML to AW, 17 March 1957. Lennox and Panofsky, 100.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. "Let My Voice Live" was signed: "by Meg — A Canadian living in England," and appeared on 9 January 1950. Peg mentioned the poem's publication to Adele later that same month and was pleased that appropriate photographs had appeared with it. She also submitted a poem about the Italian peasants' revolt to the _Canadian Tribune,_ but she was not sure whether the _Tribune_ planned to publish it. The poem has not been traced and seems not to have been published.
. ML to AW, 17 March 1957. Lennox and Panofsky, 100.
. Ibid.
. See ML to AW, 12 June 1957. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid. Wiseman held a Guggenheim Fellowship and was living in New York City at that time.
. ML to AW, 1 December 1957. Lennox and Panofsky, 102.
. _Dance_ , 115.
. ML to AW, 1 December 1957. Lennox and Panofsky, 102.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 19 February 1958. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Since Laurence's letter to Adele (14 August 1958) gives her address as 3556 W. 21 St. Vancouver, it is reasonable to suppose their move occurred before Jack left in May for Fort St. John.
. ML to AW, 14 August 1958. Lennox and Panofsky, 104.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Elliott had done graduate work in history at Harvard, was widely read, and enjoyed discussing literature and language with Margaret. He also became a close friend of Jack's, visiting often and enjoying with the Laurences a group of mutual friends. Jack and Gordon Elliott enjoyed going to the movies and discussing current issues. Years later, when Jack and his second wife, Esther, returned to live in Vancouver, Gordon resumed his friendship with Jack and grew to know Esther too.
. ML to AW, 28 February 1959. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Laurence told Adele that Michael Wilson, a friend from Somali days (or his brother John), had shown the translations to a person he knew at Macmillan. (ML to AW, 28 February 1959. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds).
. Ruth May also represented the prominent Vancouver writer Ethel Wilson.
. ML to AW, 28 February 1959. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 13 May 1959. Lennox and Panofsky, 106.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Prior to publication, she had to revise the story for their editors.
. ML to AW, 13 May 1959. Lennox and Panofsky, 106.
. _Prism_ 1.1 (September 1959).
. ML to Al Purdy, 24 May 1969, in _Margaret Laurence — Al Purdy: A Friendship in Letters_ (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1993), 138.
. The gloomy letter that was burned in August is mentioned in ML to AW, 10 September 1959. Lennox and Panofsky, 110.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Reprinted in Kourany, Janet, James P. Sterba, and Rosemarie Tong, eds. _Feminist Philosophies_ (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice Hall, 1992), 185-96.
. ML to AW, 10 September 1959. Lennox and Panofsky, 110.
. Ibid.
. See, "IN TRIBUTE: Margaret Laurence" by Jack McClelland, _Quill & Quire_, February 1987, 9.
. ML to AW, 10 September 1959. Lennox and Panofsky, 110.
. "Uncertain Flowering" in _Story_ (1954); "Drummer of All the World" in _Queen's Quarterly_ (1956); "The Merchant of Heaven," in _Prism_ (1959); and the translations, _A Tree for Poverty_ (1954).
. Although that was the second-highest sum received by a contributor, Peggy probably did not know that. See _Prism_ archives, University of British Columbia.
. Michael Holroyd, letter to author, 20 February 1997.
. Judging from the archival evidence, Laurence seems to have replied to Dickson on the same day that she received his letter.
. It went into a second printing in August 1958 (Macmillan, Canada, and St. Martin's Press, New York). Several years before that, sections of the novel had been submitted to the _Maclean's_ short-story contest. Alice Munro later tried unsuccessfully to have Hutchison's novel reprinted in the New Canadian Library series. Information from interviews and correspondence with Margaret Hutchison and her niece, J.M. Deplissey, and correspondence between Hutchison and Ruth May, her agent.
. William McConnell, interviews by author, Vancouver, 19 and 22 November 1995.
. William McConnell, letter to author, 7 February 1994. Neilson single-handedly constructed a peeled-log chalet and planned later to make a number of smaller dispersed cabins for individual work and privacy.
. Margaret Hutchison, interview by author, Vancouver, 24 October 1992.
. Margaret Hutchison, interview by author, Vancouver, 24 October 1992.
. Although Ruth May was also Ethel Wilson's agent, it is unlikely that Laurence, who had not yet met Wilson, was aware of that.
. Margaret Hutchison, interview by author, Vancouver, 24 October 1992.
. Laurence also requested that this dedication appear in the paperback edition of the book. Some of the letters between Nadine Asante and Margaret Laurence are now archived at York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Collection.
. Fred and June Schulhof, interview by author, 20 October 1992.
. Ibid.
. Eva and René Temple, interview by author, Vancouver, 22 October 1992.
. Ibid. All quotations in this paragraph are from that interview.
. Ibid.
. _Dance_ , 219. Margaret Hutchison, Mary and Watson Thomson, Nadine Asante, and Earle Birney and his wife were among the members of Hewett's congregation at that time.
. Dr. Phillip Hewett, telephone conversation with author, January 1994.
. Unitarian Membership book, p. 68, signatures #448 and #449.
. Noreen Foster, telephone conversation with author, January 1994.
. Noreen Foster also recognized the cadences of the King James Bible in Margaret's remarks.
. Noreen Foster, telephone conversation with author, 17 January 1994.
. _Dance_ , 219.
. Ibid., 220.
. ML to Helen Lucas, 3 May 1978. Copies of several letters from Margaret Laurence were given to the author by Helen Lucas, who subsequently gave them to York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Collection.
. Noreen Foster described the scene in some detail to the author.
. Nonie Lyon, interview by author, Peterborough, Ontario, 9 June 1994. In letters to several correspondents, Margaret recounted the story of how a copy was returned to her.
. Inscription to Helen Lucas from Margaret Laurence; see also _Dance_ , 220. Lucas planned to set forth a visual presentation of five aspects of the nativity story: 1) the love and affection between Mary and Joseph; 2) Mary as pregnant; 3) Joseph involved with and holding Jesus; 4) both Mary and Joseph actively engaged with their son as he grows; 5) the connections among all living things. (Helen Lucas, letter to author, 17 March 1994.)
. ML to Phillip Hewett, 20 September 1980. Trent University Archives.
. Ibid.
. Her memoir, _Dance on the Earth_ , edited by her daughter, Jocelyn, was published posthumously in 1989.
. Only in 1963, however, did Margaret insist that old friends also drop Peggy and refer to her as Margaret. (See ML to Gordon Elliott, 29 April 1963, and ML to Adele Wiseman, 17 August 1963). Her neighbour June Schulhof had encouraged Peggy to resume her full name, Margaret, which she advised would be more professional than Peggy. (June Schulhof, interview by author, Vancouver, 20 October 1992).
. The photographer was Peter Esterhazy.
. Alan Maclean, _Winter's Tales_ 6, introduction, (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1960), v.
. Stainsby's concerns about the state of book reviewing in Canadian newspapers are apparent in his essay "The Press and Literature," in _Canadian Literature_ 10 (Autumn 1961): 62-65.
. ML to AW, 6 May 1960. Lennox and Panofsky, 114.
. _Prism_ 1:3 (Spring 1960). The check was for twenty-five dollars.
. Margaret repeated his comment in a subsequent letter to Jack McClelland, noting that the phrase seemed rather like saying "moderately dead." (ML to McClelland, 13 May 1960). Although the St. Martin's reader later apologized for his bluntness, Margaret remembered that remark for many years, and made specific reference to it in 1969 at the beginning of her personal essay "Ten Years' Sentences."
. ML to McClelland, 13 May 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. She provides details of these changes on 13 May 1960 in two letters: one to Jack McClelland, McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections, the other to Lovat Dickson, Macmillan archives, Basingstoke, England. This collection is now deposited in the British Museum Library.
. Jack McClelland to ML, 17 May 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections. McClelland also made some humorous comments which would have put Margaret at ease.
. McClelland to ML, 18 May 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. It appeared as the opening piece in _Tamarack Review_ 17 (Autumn 1960): 5-20.
. _Prism_ 2.1 (Autumn 1960): 61.
. ML to Lovat Dickson, 29 October 1960. His full name was Horatio Lovat Dickson. Margaret Laurence referred to him as "Rache," as did his friends, but in the interests of clarity I have retained the more formal Lovat Dickson. Macmillan archives, Basingstoke, England
. See ML to Maclean, 29 October 1960. Macmillan archives, Basingstoke, England; and ML to Willis Wing, 4 November 1960. Curtis Brown Collection, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. Blair Fuller, then fiction editor, had lived in Ghana. See comments in ML to Willis K. Wing, 4 November 1960. Curtis Brown Collection, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. ML to McClelland, 26 September 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. McClelland to Willis Wing, 18 October 1960. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. Ibid.
. See Laurence's letters to Alan Maclean and also to Adele Wiseman, 29 October 1960 (York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds). A few days later she wrote to her agent, Willis Wing:
As far as the new novel is concerned, I am trying to summon sufficient courage to begin writing it.... I have the novel planned in rough, but of course have no way of knowing how long it will take to write. I hope it will not take as long as the first. I am not a very speedy writer, and I re-write a great deal. However, with the first novel I wasted an enormous amount of effort in writing sections that subsequently had to be discarded. I am hoping that this new effort will be better organized from the beginning. If I can bring it off (and this is always a frightening question) it will, I think, be a better novel than the first.
P.S. Perhaps I should explain that I do not intend to keep on writing about Africa indefinitely, nor do I want to spin out this material too far. I want to do one more novel set in West Africa, and the short stories which I mentioned, and that will be all. I have also had in mind for some years a possible book of personal experiences [this became _The Prophet's Camel Bell]_ during a rather fantastic couple of years which we spent in the desert of British Somaliland in East Africa, but I don't know when I will get around to tackling this project, if ever. ML to Willis Wing, 4 November 1960. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. ML to AW, 29 October 1960. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 4 November 1960. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. Laurence's novel was praised by Mary Renault, "On Understanding Africa" _Saturday Review_ (10 December 1960): 23-24. Laurence's photo did not appear on the cover.
. ML to McClelland, 4 November 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives. Her letter to Willis Kingsley Wing was indeed written the same day; ML to Willis Wing, 4 November 1960. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University, Box 245.
. ML to McClelland, 4 November 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. McClelland to ML, 9 November 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. ML to McClelland, 4 November 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. This is probably a reference to Octave Mannoni, whose work _Prospero and Caliban_ (Ann Arbor, Michigan: University of Michigan Press, 1990, from reprint of 1950) she had read with great interest after returning from Africa.
. ML to McClelland, 16 November 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. _Canadian Literature_ 8 (Spring 1961): 62-63.
. _Saturday Review_ , 10 December 1960.
. McClelland to ML, 29 November 19-60, McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. ML to McClelland, 4 December 1960.
. Gerda Charles, "New Novels," _New Statesman_ (19 November 1960), 60, no.1549: 800-02.
. ML to Alan Maclean, 16 November 1960. Macmillan Archives, Basingstoke, England. This collection is now deposited in the British Museum Library.
. ML to Alan Maclean, 5 December 1960. Macmillan Archives, Basingstoke, England. Years later when Margaret was living in England, she was invited to dinner at Alan and Robin Maclean's home. There she met Muriel Spark. Maclean recalls, however, that it was an evening when Margaret was rather overcome with shyness (Alan Maclean, interview with author, 9 May 1990).
. ML to AW, 3 December 1960. Lennox and Panofsky, 123.
. _Saturday Evening Post_ , 3 June 1961. "The Perfume Sea" first appeared in _Winter'sTales 6_ (1960) along with short stories by nine other authors. Laurence later included "The Perfume Sea" in her collection, _The Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories_. The _Saturday Evening Post_ also reprinted this story in its anthology: _The Saturday Evening Post Stories_ (New York: Doubleday, 1962).
. ML to McClelland, 4 December 1960. McClelland & Stewart Archives, McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. This is a reference to the photo of Margaret which, despite her explicit instructions to the contrary, Macmillan had used for the dust jacket.
. Alan Crawley, an influential member of the writing community in Vancouver, was the founder of _Contemporary Verse_ , a leading Canadian poetry quarterly during the 1940s and 1950s. He and his wife were close friends of Ethel Wilson.
. Ethel Wilson to Alan and Jean Crawley, 28 December 1960, in _Ethel Wilson: Stories, Essays and Letters_ , edited by David Stouck. (Vancouver: University of British Columbia Press, 1987), 216. Wallace Wilson gave _This Side Jordan_ to his wife, Ethel, for Christmas 1960.
. _Prism_ 1: 3 (Spring 1960).
. See, for example, Henry Kreisel, "The African Stories of Margaret Laurence."
. The chapbooks were titled: _XII Poems_ (1929) and _Rearguard and Other Poems_ (1944). Elsie Fry Laurence's second novel, _Bright Wings_ , was published in 1964. "The Phoenix," an apocalyptic short story, grew out of her alarm over the prospect of a nuclear conflagration. It was broadcast on the CBC and then published in _Stories with John Drainie_ , edited by John Drainie (Toronto: The Ryerson Press, 1963), 92-98.
. This was related by several members of Elsie's family.
. Alice Munro, telephone conversation with author, 21 May 1993.
. Munro already had several publications to her credit. Robert Weaver also had published some of her short stories. Over the years Weaver became a friend and literary adviser to Munro, encouraging her talent.
. Alice Munro, telephone conversation with author, 21 May 1993.
. Ibid.
. _Prism_ 1:2 (Spring 1960): Wilson, 69; Haig-Brown, 72; McConnell, 71.
. William McConnell, interview with author, Vancouver, 19 and 21 November 1995.
. William McConnell, letter to author, 7 February 1994.
. Ibid.
. William McConnell, interview with author, Vancouver, 19 and 21 November 1995.
. See Stouck's excellent biography, _Ethel Wilson: A Critical Biography_ (Toronto: University of Toronto Press, 2003), 115-18, and his _Major Canadian Authors: A Critical Introduction to Canadian Literature in English_. Second edition, revised and expanded. (Lincoln, Nebraska: University of Nebraska, 1988), 81.
. This side of Ethel Wilson also is captured by David Stouck, in the collection of her letters, essays, and stories that he edited. Although Ethel Wilson was born in South Africa, she and her father had left there when she was a small child, after the death of her young mother.
. William McConnell, interview with author, Vancouver, 19 and 20 November, 1995.
. Joyce Marshall, "Ethel Wilson," _Brick_ 35 (Spring 1989): 32-36.
. David Stouck reprints nine of those letters in _Ethel Wilson: Stories, Essays and Letters_. Other letters may have been destroyed since Wilson died in a nursing home at an advanced age and had moved several times after the death of her husband.
. Margaret Laurence, "A Friend's Tribute to Ethel Wilson," _Vancouver Sun_ , 24 January 1981.
. Alan Twigg, _For Openers: Conversations with 24 Canadian Writers_ (Madiera Park, B.C.: Harbour Press, 1981), 261-71.
. ML to Beverly Mitchell, 13 April 1977. In Beverly Mitchell, _Ethel Wilson_ (Toronto: ECW Press, n.d.) In a letter to Adele Wiseman, Margaret once wrote, "Had tea with Ethel Wilson the other day. She is terrific. A lady, in the best, wisest and most gracious sense. I was very impressed by her, and felt one would not dare say anything one didn't quite mean, for she would spot it at once." (ML to AW, 22 January 1961; Lennox and Panofsky, 127).
. Ethel Wilson Collection, University of British Columbia Archives. Box 10.
. Margaret Laurence, "A Friend's Tribute to Ethel Wilson." _Vancouver Sun_ , 24 January 1981.
. Jack Laurence, interview with author, Vancouver, 23 October 1992.
. They purchased the place from James Anderson and, in October 1965, sold it to a man from New Westminster, British Columbia. Their signatures on those sale papers were notarized in High Wycombe, England, on 23 October 1965. (Deeds on file at the Public Records Office, Whatcom County, Washington, U.S.A.). Although the Laurences were to enjoy their cottage at Point Roberts for a relatively short time, it had great importance for Margaret as a writer.
. Richard E. Clark, _Point Roberts, U.S.A.: The History of a Canadian Enclave_. (Bellingham, WA: Textype Publishing, 1980). The area was even more accessible by car after the opening of the Deas Island Tunnel in July 1959 (later renamed the George Massey Tunnel).
. See ML to Alfred Knopf, 1 February 1964. Knopf Archives, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, Austin, Texas.
. Neil and Doreen Coen, telephone conversation with author, August 1996.
. ML to AW, 5 September 1961. Lennox and Panofsky, 134.
. When Margaret Laurence decided in the 1970s to buy a cottage on the Otonabee River near Lakefield, Ontario, her choice of location may well have been influenced by memories of these previous summer dwellings, where she had had time to write and to enjoy nature.
. June Schulhof, interview with author, Vancouver, 20 October 1992. June also recalls that Margaret spent time at Point Roberts early in the summer of 1962, working hard on a manuscript (probably _The Stone Angel)_.
. Pete Bazaluk, telephone conversation with author, 18 August 1996.
. During a visit to Point Roberts in November 1995, the author met several local residents who were very helpful. I am particularly grateful to Jim Julius, realtor, whose family have long been residents of Point Roberts, and to Pauli DeHaan, lifelong Point Roberts resident and an active member of the Point Roberts Historical Society, both of whom shared valuable information with me and knew the area at the time the Laurences had a cottage there.
. Other sites have been suggested for the cannery, but the site itself was Lily Point, as Laurence remarked in a taped interview with Donald Cameron. See the University College of Cape Breton, Donald Cameron Fonds, Sydney, Nova Scotia.
. June and Fred Schulhof, interview with author, Vancouver, 20 October 1992.
. Alan Twigg, _Vancouver and Its Writers_. (Madeira Park, B.C.: Harbour Publishing, 1986), 33-34.
. Robin Laurence, interview with author, Vancouver, 20 October 1992.
. Four had been published, and another was to appear in _Winter's Tales 6_.
. Willis Wing to ML, 22 November 1960. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. _Winter's Tales 1_ (1955): 1.
. The editors planned to call the story "The Voices of the Distant Drum." However, when it appeared in the _Saturday Evening Post_ (5 May 1962), it was entitled "The Spell of the Distant Drum".
. Ethel Wilson to Crawleys, 28 June 1961. University of British Columbia Archives and Special Collections, Ethel Wilson Collection.
. On January 7 and January 8, respectively. The _Canadian Forum_ carried a lengthy, favourable review of _This Side Jordan_ by Henry Kreisel (April 1961).
. ML to Willis Wing, 4 November 1960. Curtis Brown Archives. Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. She explained to Adele, "I feel I don't know enough about Africa to do it." ML to AW, 1 February 1961.York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid., 8 October 1961.
. Ibid.
. Many letters flew back and forth from publishers to Laurence over the question of the novel's title. Alfred A. Knopf Archives, Harry Ransom Humanities Research Center, University of Texas, Austin.
. ML to AW, 8 October 1961. Lennox and Panofsky, 138.
. Ibid.
. Ibid. Gordon Elliott, along with Lino Magagna, who had come to Canada from Italy and been an older student in Gordon's class, were the central figures in the wine-making experiments. Lennox and Panofsky, 138.
. As quoted in Michael Holroyd, _Augustus John: A Biography_ (New York: Holt, Rinehart, Winston, 1974), 577.
. See Patricia Morley, _Margaret Laurence: The Long Journey Home_ (Montreal and Kingston: McGill-Queen's University Press, rev.1992), 155-58.
. Margaret Fulton, telephone interview with author, 20 January 1994. Professor Fulton is a distinguished member of the academic community, who served two terms as the first laywoman and non-Catholic president of Mount St. Vincent University in Nova Scotia.
. ML to Goosh and Shelia Andrzejewski, 12 May 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _The Fire-Dwellers_. (Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1969), chapter 7.
. June and Fred Schulhof, interview with author, Vancouver, 20 October 1992.
. Douglas Barnaby (crew member on the voyage), letter to author, 17 March 1998.
. "The Tomorrow-Tamer" was published in _Prism_ 3:1 (Fall 1961), but was erroneously listed in the table of contents as "The Tomorrow-maker." That issue of _Prism_ also included Robert Kroetsch's first published poem "Letter to a Friend's Wife," and Gwendolyn MacEwen's "first professional publication," a poem entitled "Yesterday's Horsemen."
. _Vancouver Sun_ , 9 and 10 November 1961.
. Ibid.
. ML to W. Wing, 29 December 1961. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. It is clear that Buchholzer did go to Somalia. He hunted game there and took many photos. Although much in his book is not taken from Laurence, nevertheless there are many passages in which he simply took material directly from _A Tree for Poverty_. In other instances, he is content to paraphrase Laurence, but he does this so closely that the reader one can clearly see Laurence's style and comments in Buchholzer's prose.
. She had come across references to _The Horn of Africa_ in _Shadows in the Grass_ by Isak Dinesen, pseudonym of the Danish writer, Karen Blixen.
. ML to AW, 5 September 1961. Lennox and Panofsky, 134.
. ML to W. Wing, 8 January 1962. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. ML to W. Wing, 8 May 1962. Professor Goosh Andrzejewski had written to inform Margaret of the reactions of other scholars to Buchholzer's plagiarism.
. ML to Clara Thomas, 17 February 1982. York University Archives and Special Collections, Clara Thomas Fonds.
. Joan Johnston, telephone conversation with author, 16 January 1994.
. _Vancouver Sun_ , 24 December 1960.
. Ibid., 18 June 1960.
. Ibid., 27 August 1960.
. Ibid., 2 July 1960.
. Ibid., 27 August 1960.
. Laurence's review is concise, but nuanced.
. _Vancouver Sun_ , 22 October 1960.
. This cannot be proven, but the juxtaposition may be significant.
. ML to AW, 21 July 1960. Lennox and Panofsky, 120.
. _Vancouver Sun_ , 21 January 1961.
. Ibid., 11 February 1961.
. Ibid.
. ML to Buckler, 30 August 1974, as quoted in Wainwright, _A Very Large Soul_ , 26.
. _Vancouver Sun, 11_ March 1961.
. He also returned "A Fetish for Love" and told her that further stories about Africa would be difficult to place because of the market. W. Wing to ML, 16 January 1962. Curtis Brown Archives, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections, Box 245.
. ML to AW, 13 January 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid., 13 June 1962.
. ML to Gordon Elliott, 13 June 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. ML to AW, 13 June 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to G. Elliott, 13 June 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. Betty Friedan, _The Feminine Mystique_ (New York: Viking Paperback, 1963).
. ML to AW, 5 August 1962. Lennox and Panofsky, 141.
. See ML to Gordon Elliott, 17 August 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. _Tamarack Review_ 14 (Winter 1960).
. James King, 168-69, 418-19.
. See particularly her letter to Adele Wiseman, 13 January 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 29 August 1962. Lennox and Panofsky, 148.
. Ibid.
. ML to AW, 22 September 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to G. Elliott, 29 September 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. ML to AW, 29 September 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _Dance_ , 159.
. Ibid., 158.
. Ibid.,159-60.
. Ibid., 160.
. ML to AW, 17 March 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. _Dance_ , 155. It is not uncommon for writers to describe sudden inspiration and the experience of writing as though they were taking dictation.
. ML to AW, 13 January 1962, York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. In fact, her attitude toward the novel fluctuated wildly, as her letters during that period show. In March, for example, when she mentioned that Jack was making tentative inquiries about overseas jobs, she also stated that "The novel is a complete mess. It will have to be entirely rewritten. Maybe it's not even worth re-writing, although I still feel I like the character." ML to AW, 17 March 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. AW to ML, 20 August 1962. Lennox and Panofsky, 145.
. ML to AW, 8 October 1961. Lennox and Panofsky, 138.
. The flaws in the novel that had been pointed out to her were probably raised by Jack, since correspondence with her editors and with Adele does not indicate that such concerns originated with them.
. ML to AW, 8 October 1961. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Ibid.
. As quoted in Thomas Tausky's "Biocritical Essay," which opens the first Calgary inventory of _The Alice Munro Papers, First Accession_ , edited by Apollonia Steele and Jean F. Tener. (Calgary: University of Calgary Press, 1986), xl. Munro did use Vancouver later in her fiction.
. Margaret Laurence, interview by Harold Horwood, "Unforgettable Margaret Laurence."
. _Dance_ , 85.
. See "Books That Mattered to Me," in _Margaret Laurence: An Appreciation_ , 239-49.
. _Dance_ , 85.
. Ibid., 160.
. ML to Gordon Elliott, 1 November 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. They moved to Elm Cottage in Buckinghamshire after celebrating Christmas 1963 in their London flat.
. See ML to Buckler, 30 August 1974, in J.A. Wainwright, A _Very Large Soul_ , 26-29, and Harold Horwood, "Unforgettable Margaret Laurence." 107-11.
. ML to G. Elliott, 1 November 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. _Dance_ , 162.
. ML to G. Elliott, 25 November 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. Ibid., 1 November 1962.
. Ibid.
. _Dance_ , 161.
. ML to G. Elliott, 25 November 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. ML to G. Woodcock, 29 November 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to AW, 11 December 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. ML to G. Elliott, 25 November 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. Among the many works that deal with loss of parents in childhood are: Maxine Harris, _The Loss that Is Forever: The Lifelong Impact of the Early Death of a Mother or Father_ (New York: A Plume Book, Penguin Book, 1996) and Hope Edelman, _Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss_ (New York: A Delta Book, Bantam Doubleday Dell, 1974).
. It was published later in _Winter's Tales 9_ , 1963.
. ML to G. Elliott, 10 March 1963. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. Ibid., 17 December 1962.
. _PCB_ , 228.
. Laurence's choice of the name Danquah is interesting in this context. Dr. J.B. Danquah was one of the most important political figures of that era.
. Compare, for example, Huxley's depiction of the mores, climate, and market women in her chapter "The Gold Coast" with Laurence's descriptions of those places and people in _The Tomorrow-Tamer_ , especially in "A Gourdful of Glory."
. ML to G. Elliott, 17 December 1962. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections. See also ML to AW, 11 December 1962. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. Sylvia Plath "Snow Blitz: Essay 1963," in _Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams: Short Stories, Prose and Diary Excerpts_ (New York, Harper & Row, 1977), 28.
. _Dance_ , 161-62.
. In Plath, _Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams_ , 27-35.
. ML to E. Buckler, 30 August 1974, as quoted in Wainwright, 26-29.
. ML to Willis Wing, 9 February l963. Curtis Brown Collection, Columbia University Archives and Special Collections.
. ML to G. Elliott, 10 March 1963. McMaster University Archives and Special Collections.
. Ibid.
. Although James King states that Bolton was Jack's cousin, this is not the case. Frances (née Bolton) Jones, telephone conversation with author, 2 October 1994. See also ML to AW, 12 June 1963. York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds.
. John Cushman Associates, Rare Book and Manuscript Library, Columbia University Box 127, Series 3.
. ML to Ethel Wilson, 23 January 1964. University of British Columbia Library, the Wilson Papers.
. Ibid. She also raised the possibility of an article for _Holiday_ with John Cushman. See ML to John Cushman, Curtis Brown Papers, Rare Book and Manuscript Library, Columbia University Box 245.
. Greg Gatenby, letter to ML (York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds, August 6, 1981 and August 24, 1981).
. The CD _Water Music_ containing "A Fable for the Whaling Fleets" with narration by Margaret Laurence is presently available from The Canadian Music Centre Distribution Service, Toronto.
. Michael Hodgart, _Satire_ (London: World University Library, 1969), 171-76.
. (No. 32 Summer 1964), 25-37. It was reprinted a decade later in an anthology edited by A.J. M. Smith, _The Canadian Century: English Canadian Writing Since Confederation_ (Toronto: Gage, 1973).
. See Fred C. Farr, letter to ML (11 November 1981), and ML to Fred C. Farr, (2 December 1981),York University Archives and Special Collections, Margaret Laurence Fonds. All quotations by Margaret Laurence are taken from her letter to Farr.
. This was reprinted in _Margaret Laurence: An Appreciation_ , edited by Christl Verduyn (Peterborough, Ontario: Broadview Press and the _Journal of Canadian Studies_ , 1988). Laurence's lecture was originally presented to the Trent Philosophy Society, March 29, 1983. It was also published in _Canadian Literature_ , (no.100, Spring 1984).
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Morley, Patricia. _The Long Journey Home_. Montreal and Kingston: McGill-Queens University Press, revised edition, 1991.
New, William H., ed. _MargaretLaurence: the Writer and Her Critics_. Toronto: McGraw Hill Ryerson, 1977.
Nicolson, Colin, ed. _Critical Approaches to the Fiction of Margaret Laurence_. Vancouver: The University of British Columbia Press, 1990.
Phelps, Arthur L. _Canadian Writers_. Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1951.
Powers, Lyall. _Alien Heart: The Life and Work of Margaret Laurence_. Manitoba: The University of Manitoba Press, 2003.
Riegel, Christian, ed. _Challenging Territory: The Writing of Margaret Laurence_. Edmonton: The University of Alberta Press, 1997.
Sparrow, Fiona. _Into Africa with Margaret Laurence_. Toronto: ECW Press, 1992.
Sproxton, Birk and G.N. Louise Jonasson, eds. _Winnipeg in Fiction: 125 Years of English-Language Writing_ , special issue of _Prairie Fire_ 20 no. 2 (Summer 1999).
Thomson, Watson. _Turning Into Tomorrow_. New York: The Philosophical Library, 1966.
Staines, David, ed. _Margaret Laurence: Critical Reflections_. Ottawa: University of Ottawa Press, 2001.
Stouck, David, ed. _Ethel Wilson: Stories, Essays, and Letters_. Vancouver: University of British Columbia Press, 1987.
——. _Ethel Wilson: A Critical Biography_. Toronto: Univesity of Toronto Press, 2003.
Stovel, Nora Foster, ed. _Embryo Words: Margaret Laurence's Early Writings_. Edmonton: Juvenilia Press, 1997.
Taylor, Gladys. "Laurence of Manitoba," _Canadian Author and Bookman_ , 42 (Winter 1966): 4-7.
Thomas, Clara. _Margaret Laurence_. Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, Canadian Writers Series, no.3, 1969.
——. _The Manawaka World of Margaret Laurence_. Toronto: McClelland & Stewart, 1975.
Twigg. Alan. _Vancouver and its Writers: A Guide to Vancouver's Literary Landmarks_. Madeira Park, British Columbia: Harbour Publishing, 1986.
——. _For Openers: Conversations with 24 Canadian Writers_. Madeira Park, British Columbia: Harbour Publishing, 1981.
Verduyn, Christl, ed. _Margaret Laurence: An Appreciation_. Peterborough, Ontario: Broadview Press, 1988.
Wainwright, J.A., ed. _A VeryLarge Soul: Selected Letters from Margaret Laurence to Canadian Writers_. Dunvegan, Ontario: Cormorant Press, 1995.
Warwick, Susan. _Margaret Laurence: An Annotated Bibliography_. Toronto: ECW Press, 1979.
Welton, Michael. "To Be and Build the Glorious World": The Educational Thought and Practice of Watson Thomson, 1899-1946." Ph.D. diss., University of British Columbia, 1983.
Wigmore, Donnalu, "Margaret Laurence: The Woman behind the Writing." Interview, _Chatelaine_ (February 1971): 28-29; 52-54.
Wigmore, Margaret. "'North Main Car': A Context." _Prairie Fire_ 20, no.2 (Summer 1999): 100-9.
Wilson, Lois. _Turning the World Upside Down: A Memoir_. Toronto: Doubleday Canada Ltd., 1989.
Wiseman, Adele. _Memoirs of a Book Molesting Childhood and Other Essays_. Toronto: Oxford University Press, 1987.
Woodcock, George, ed. _A Place to Stand on: Essays by and about Margaret Laurence_. Edmonton: NeWest Press, 1983.
Xiques, Donez. "Margaret Laurence's Somali Translations." _Canadian Literature_ 135 (Winter 1992), 33-48.
——. "New Light on Margaret Laurence's First African Short Story." _Canadian Notes and Queries_ 42 (Spring 1990): 14-21.
### INDEX
The index that appeared in the print version of this title was intentionally removed from the eBook. Please use the search function on your eReading device to search for terms of interest. For your reference, the terms that appear in the print index are listed below.
Achebe, Chinua
Adam, Shlomo Ben
_akhals_ (nomads' dwellings)
_Alberta Poetry Year Book_
Alguire, Louise
Andrzejewski, Bogumil Witalis "Goosh,"
Andrzejewski, Sheila
_Annals of the Black and Gold_ (high school paper)
Laurence's editorship of
Laurence's writings in
Principal Ray's editorials in
war's impact on
anti-Semitism
Arabetto (driver)
Armstrong, Derek
Arrabey, Salaan
_As for Me and My House_ (Ross)
_As You Like It_ (Shakespeare)
Asante, Kwadwo
_Atlantic Monthly_
Bailey, Anne
Bailey, Bud
Baker, Sherman
_ballehs_ (reservoirs)
_Band Plays a March, The_ (E.F. Laurence)
Bangladesh. _See_ East Pakistan
Batchelor, Bert
Batchelor, Dorothy
Bazaluk, Helen and Pete
Beautiful Plains Museum (Neepawa)
Bedford, A.G.
Beethoven, Ludwig van
Behrens, Jack
Bell, Chris
_belwo_ (Somali poetic form)
_Bird in the House, A_ (Laurence short stories)
autobiographical parallels in
emotional tone of
"A Bird in the House,"
"The Half-Husky,"
"Jericho's Brick Battlements,"
"The Sound of the Singing,"
"To Set Our House in Order,"
Birney, Earle
Black, Wesley
Blondal, Harold
Blondal, Patricia Jenkins (earlier Jenkins)
Bolton, Elliot
Bolton, Frances
Bolton, Kay
Book Society, The
Borland, Jack
Bouchard, Remi
_Brébeuf and his Brethren_ (Pratt)
_Bright Wings_ (E.F. Laurence)
British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC)
_Brothers Karamazov, The_ (Dostoevsky)
Brott, Alexander
Browning, Robert
Bucholzer, John
Buckler, Ernest
Burnett, Whit (editor/owner _Story_ )
Callaghan, Morley
Cameron, Silver Donald
_Canada Book of Prose and Verse, Book Three_ (anthology)
Canada Council fellowships
Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC)
Canadian literature. _See also specific authors_
_Canadian Literature_ (journal)
Canadian music
_Canadian Tribune_ (newspaper)
_Canadian Writers_ (Phelps)
_Candle to Light the Sun, A_ (Blondal)
Clare, Eva
_Clown, The_ (Kern)
Coger, Greta
Cold War
Cole, Jean
_Collected Plays of Gwen Pharis Ringwood, The_ (anthology)
Collier, Frank
Communism, and allegations of
Coutts, Dorothy
Coutts, John (Jack)
Coutts, Murray
Coutts, Wallace
Crawford, Margie
Crawley, Alan and Jean
Crosse, Gordon
Cushman, John
_Daily Worker_ (newspaper)
_Dance on the Earth_ (Laurence memoirs) on Armstrong
on brother
on Bucholzer's plagiarism
on deaths of family and friends
descriptions of childhood in
on English winter of 1963
on female family members' accomplishments
final writing of
on husband
on move to London
on Naval Service application
on Ofosu-Appiah
photos in
on polio outbreak
regret expressed in
selectivity in
on Somali drought conditions
title of
on Victoria sojourn
on writing of _This Side Jordan_
Daniells, Roy
DeHaan, Pauli
Dickson, Horatio Lovat (Rache)
Dinesen, Isak
_Diviners, The_ (Laurence novel)
Djibouti, French Somaliland
_Doubting Castle_ (Hiebert)
Douglas, Tommy
Doyle, Arthur Conan
Duerden, Dennis
Dunlop, Blake
Durbin, Deanna
Dussault, René
East Pakistan
Ekwensi, Cyprian
Eliot, T.S.
Elliott, Gordon
_Emily of New Moon_ (Montgomery)
Energy Probe
_Faith and Freedom_ (Ward)
Faryon, Ruth
Ferns, Harry
_Fête_ (Vailland)
Fielding, Gabriel
Findley, Timothy
_Fire-Dwellers, The_ (Laurence novel)
Fontaine, Robert
Forsyth, Charlie
Foster, Noreen
_Four Guineas_ (Huxley)
_Four Quartets_ (Eliot)
freedom of speech issues
Friedan, Betty
Friesen, Joyce
Fry, Bessie A.
Fuller, Blair
Fulton, Margaret
_gabay_ (Somali poetic genre)
Galaal, Musa Haji Ismail
Gatenby, Greg
Ghana. _See also_ Gold Coast
Gold Coast. _See also_ Ghana
Accra
culture of
hot season in
independence of
Laurence's portrayals of
political unrest in
rainy season in
scholarly studies on
Tema
Goldstein, Kenneth
Goodrich, Eileen Graham
Governor General's Awards
Graham, Alec
Grant, Cliff
Gray, John
Great Depression
Greene, Graham
Greenpeace Foundation
Grenville, R.H.
Griffiths, John
Grosney, Jeannette
Haig-Brown, Roderick
Halstead, Anne
Halstead, Robert N.
Hamilton, Ann Phelps
Hamilton, Burt
_Happy Time, The_ (Fontaine)
Harris, Lawren
_Harvest on the Don_ (Sholokhov)
Hassan, Mohammed Abdulla
Henry, Ann
Herrick, Robert
Hetherington, Madge
Hewett, Phillip
Hiebert, Paul
Hockin, Alan
Hodgart, Matthew
_Holiday_
Holroyd, Michael
Horniman, Michael
Horwood, Harold
Humphrey, J.W.
Hutchison, Margaret
Huxley, Elspeth
"If" (Kipling)
Jackson, Robert
Jama, Hersi
Japanese Canadians
Jeffers, Robinson
Jenkins, Patricia (later Blondal)
Jenkins, Walter
_Jest of God, A_ (Laurence novel)
Jewish Canadians
John, Augustus
Johnston, Joan
Jones, Nadine
_Journal of Canadian Fiction_
Julius, Jim
Keith, William J.
Kerr, Jean
_Kidnapped_ (Stevenson)
Killam, Douglas
_Kim_ (Kipling)
King, James
Kipling, Rudyard
Kirk, J.W.C.
Klanak Press
Knowles, Stanley
Koran
Kozyra, Tony
Kreisel, Henry
Krenz, Kate and Kim
Kroetsch, Robert
Lamming, George
_Laugh, Baby, Laugh_ (Henry)
Laurence, David (son)
birth of
in England
in Gold Coast
health issues
Hutchison and
personality of
in Vancouver
in Victoria
Laurence, Elsie Fry (mother-in-law)
as writer
Laurence, Esther
Laurence, Jocelyn (daughter) birth of
in England
in Gold Coast
health issues
Hutchison and
in Vancouver in Victoria
Laurence, John (father-in-law)
Laurence, John Fergus "Jack" (husband)
appearance
children and
college education
critiques of wife's writings
early life
engineering work
in British Columbia
in East Pakistan
in Gold Coast
job satisfaction and
in London
in Somaliland
in Yukon
hospitalization
military service
personality
sunstroke suffered by
wedding and honeymoon
wife's secretarial work viewed by
wife's writing viewed as hobby by
wine-making hobby
LAURENCE, MARGARET. _See also_ LAURENCE, MARGARET, WORKS OF, _below_
ancestry
beliefs
anti-colonialism
anti-nuclear and peace activism
memsahib types disliked by
political
religious
social activism
Social Gospel
British Somaliland Protectorate sojourn
dangers faced
postal delays
_Tigre_ journey to
visit to Djibouti
writing routine
childhood and youth as baby
books and poetry read
Christmas celebrations
Clear Lake vacations
college years
death of father
death of mother
Dieppe landing's effect on
dramatic activities
elementary school years
extracurricular activities
family routines and traditions
friends
high school years
math studies
Naval Service enlistment application
as pre-schooler
romantic interests
summer job
war relief efforts
correspondence. _See also specific correspondents_
amount of
importance of
regrets expressed in
signature used
diary of (lost)
Genoa visit
Gold Coast sojourn
Christmas celebration
dangers faced
decision to leave
feelings of exhaustion
homesickness
loneliness
postal delays
secretarial work
writing routine
health
carpal-tunnel syndrome
cataracts
depression
diabetes
diet pills' effect on
dieting
eyesight
food poisoning
foot problems
funeral service planned by
headaches
leg fracture
malarial bouts
sleepwalking
suicide
terminal cancer
homes
Buckinghamshire
Clear Lake
Dunbar
Gold Coast
Lakefield
London (Hampstead)
London (northwest)
Neepawa "Big House,"
Neepawa "big red-brick house,"
Neepawa "Little House, "
Point Roberts
Somaliland
Vancouver
Winnipeg
library of
literary career
African impact
college editorial work
decision to become a writer
empowerment found in writing
high-school editorial work
male pseudonym used by
newspaper journalism
rejections
self-description
views her writing talent as gift
writing contests entered
London (England) sojourns
marriage and family life
dependence on husband's approval
domestic stresses
domestic talents
first pregnancy
marital relations
second pregnancy
separation
wedding and honeymoon
personal characteristics
appearance
appearance insecurities
curiosity
dancing ability
debating skills
determination
drinking
frankness and strong will
imagination
lack of prejudice
laughter
learning to drive
musical interests
secrecy about being a writer
self-critical capacity
self-doubt and anxiety
sense of humour
smoking
temper
wit
Somali language and cultural studies
Vancouver sojourn
death of Mum
decision to leave
dislike of Vancouver
friendships
Victoria sojourn
Victoria visit
wine-making hobby
LAURENCE, MARGARET, WORKS OF
book reviews
college publications. _See also Manitoban, The; Vox_
essays
"Books That Mattered to Me,"
"The Earlier Fountain..."
"The Greater Evil,"
_Heart of a Stranger_ (selected essays)
preface to _Collected Plays of Gwen Pharis Ringwood_
"Road from the Isles,"
"Ten Years Sentences,"
"The Very Best Intentions,"
"Where the World Began,"
journal (unpublished)
juvenilia
literary criticism
memoirs _. See Dance on the Earth; Prophet's Camel Bell, The_
novels. _See also Diviners, The; Fire-Dwellers, The; Jest of God, A; Stone Angel, The; This Side Jordan_
Manawaka series
unfinished Somali work
unfinished West African work
poetry
"Bread Hath He,"
"Bus-Ride at Night,"
"Cabbages,"
"Classical Framework,"
college publications
"The Imperishable,"
"Let My Voice Live,"
"North Main Car,"
"Pagan Point — Wasagaming — Approaching Night,"
"Quest: Clay-Fettered Doors,"
"Scholar's 'If'"
Somali translations
"Song for Spring, 1944 Canada,"
"Song of the Race of Ulysses,"
"Thetis' Song about Her Son,"
"Thought,"
public speeches and lectures
Emmanuel College Convocation Address
Trent University lecture
York University Convocation Address
radio columns
radio scripts
short stories. _See also Bird in the House, A; Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories, The_
"Amiina,"
"Calliope,"
"The Case of the Blond Butcher,"
"The Case of the Golden Spaniel,"
"The Christmas Birthday Story,"
college publications
"The Drummer of All the World,"
"A Fable - For the Whaling Fleets,"
"A Fetish for Love,"
"Godman's Master,"
Gold Coast settings
"Goodwill Towards Men,"
"A Gourdful of Glory,"
"The Land of Our Fathers,"
"The Merchant of Heaven,"
"Mrs. Cathcart, In and Out of Purdah,"
"The Perfume Sea,"
"The Pure Diamond Man,"
"A Queen in Thebes,"
"The Rain Child,"
Somaliland settings
"Tal des Walde,"
"The Tomorrow-Tamer,"
"The Uncertain Flowering,"
"The Voices of Adamo,"
translations. _See Tree for Poverty, A_
Lessing, Doris
Lincoln, Abraham
Livesay, Dorothy
Long, Elizabeth
_Long Drums and Cannons_ (Laurence)
Lowry, Malcolm and Margerie
Lucas, Helen
Ludwig, Jack
Lyon, Nonie
Lyon, Stirling "Red,"
MacEwen, Gwendolyn
Maclean, Alan
Macmillan, Canada (publishing firm)
Macmillan, London (publishing firm)
Macpherson, James
MacQuarrie, Heath
Magagna, Lino
malaria
Manitoba. _See also_ Neepawa; Winnipeg
anti-Semitism in
prairies of
radio programming in
_Manitoban, The_ (University of Manitoba newspaper)
Mannoni, Octave
Marsh, Leonard
Marshall, John
Marshall, Joyce
Martin, C.J. "Bob,"
Marx, Karl
Marxism
Maugham, Somerset
May, Ruth
McAmmond, Wes
McCall, Rayburn
McClelland, Jack
McClelland & Stewart
McClung, Nellie
McConnell, Alice
McConnell, William C.
McLuhan, Marshall
McNair, Dorothy Livesay
McWilliams, Mrs. R.F.
Meredith, Mona Spratt. _See_ Spratt, Mona
Métis people
_Milk Route_ (Ostenso)
Miller, Alice Duer
Milosz, Czeslaw
Milton, John
_Milton and Royalism_ (Ross)
Mitchell, W.O.
Mohamed (houseboy)
Montgomery, Lucy Maud
Morton, W.L.
_Mountain and the Valley, The_ (Buckler)
_Mrs. Golightly and Other Stories_ (Wilson)
Munro, Alice
Musgrove, Mildred
Nasir, Ahmed _National Geographic_ magazine
Neepawa, Manitoba
activities in
air base near
civic spirit of
described
library in
limitations of
Manawaka compared with
polio outbreak
summers in
war's impact on
winters in
_Neepawa Press_ (newspaper)
Neil, Dorothie
Neilson, Einar
Neilson, Muriel (née James)
_New Statesman_ (journal)
_New York Herald Tribune_
_New York Times_ (newspaper)
_New Yorker, The_ (magazine)
Newman, Paul
Nkrumah, Kwame
Northwest Rebellion (1885)
Nowlan, Alden
O'Brien, Edna
Offen, Connie
O'Flaherty, Liam
Ofosu-Appiah, Lawrence Henry
Ofosu-Appiah, Victoria
Osborn, Marjorie
Ostenso, Martha
_Paradise Lost_ (Milton)
_Paris Review_
Parking, Kay
Pearl Harbor, attack on
Peck, Edward
Penner, Dean Roland
Penner, Roland
Pennie, Bob
Pennie, Elizabeth
Peterson, Doris
Peterson, Len
Phelps, Arthur L.
Pink, Jack
Plath, Sylvia
Ploughshares, _Pocket Book of Verse, The_ (anthology)
Point Roberts, Washington
polio, outbreaks and consequences of
political and social activism
Porter, Helen
_Power and the Glory, The_ (Greene)
Powers, Lyall
Pratt, E.J.
_Pregnant and Alone_ (Ross)
_Prism_ (journal)
_Prophet's Camel Bell, The_ (Laurence memoirs)
British depicted in
importance of
material from "Uncertain Flowering" in
Mediterranean description in
publication of
Shirley mentioned in
Somali tales in
writing of
_Prospero and Caliban_ (Mannoni)
_Puck of Pook's Hill_ (Kipling)
Purdy, Alfred
Pye, Carl
_Queen's Quarterly_
_Queer Heart_ (Salverson)
_Rachel, Rachel_ (film)
radio dramas
Ray, Herb
Ready, William B.
Red Cross
Renault, Mary
Rhys, Jean
Richler, Mordecai
Richter, Conrad
Riding Mountain National Park
Riel, Louis
Ringwood, Gwen Pharis
Roberts, Charles G.D.
Robinson, Earl
Robinson, Evelyn
Rogers, Stan
Roslyn Road Community
Ross, Anne
Ross, Bill
Ross, Malcolm
Ross, Sinclair
Roy, Gabrielle
_Sacrifice, The_ (Wiseman)
St. Martin's Press
Salverson, Laura Goodman
_Sarah Binks_ (Hiebert)
Sargent, Malcolm
_Saturday Evening Post_
_Saturday Review_
Schulhof, Fred
Schulhof, June
Schull, Joseph
Scotland and Scottish culture
Scott, F.R.
Serraillier, Ian
_Shadows in the Grass_ (Dinesen)
Shakespeare, William
Sharzer, Shirley Lev
Shields, Dorothy Coutts. _See_ Coutts, Dorothy
Shirley, Mary
Shirley, Philip
Shirley, William
Sholokhov, Mikhail
Shute, Nevil
Sigurjonsson, J.E.
Simpson, Catherine (cousin)
Simpson, Jane (née Bailey; grandmother)
Simpson, John (grandfather)
death of
dictates of
early life of
house of
Laurence's hatred of
partial portrayal in _A Bird in the House_
personality of
Simpson, Ruby (aunt)
Simpson, Stuart (uncle)
Simpson, Verna. _See_ Wemyss, Verna Sinclair, Lister
Sir William Halcrow & Partners
Social Gospel
Somali oral literature
Somaliland (British Protectorate of)
Hargesia
Haud plateau
_Jilal_ season
_Kharif_ season
malaria in
rainy season
Sheikh
_Somaliland Journal_
_Son of a Lesser Hero_ (Richler)
_Sowing Seeds in Danny_ (McClung)
Soyinka, Wole
Spark, Muriel
Speers, John
Spratt, Mona
Stainsby, Donald
Stanley, Helen Warkentin. _See_ Warkentin, Helen
Stevenson, Robert Louis
_Stone Angel, The_ (Laurence novel)
acceptance for publication
genesis of
manuscript of
title of
writing of
_Story_ magazine
Stouck, David
Stovel, Nora Foster
Student Christian Movement
_Tamarac_ (Hutchison)
_Tamarack Review_
_Tempest, The_ (Shakespeare)
Temple, Eva and René
Tennyson, Alfred, Lord
_This Side Jordan_ (Laurence novel)
acceptance for publication
_Atlantic Monthly_ contest and
dedication to stepmother
distribution copies
genesis of
importance of
publication of
reviews of
revisions on
subject matter of
writing of
Thomas, Clara
Thomson, Mary
Thomson, Watson
_Three Times and Out_ (McClung)
Thwaites, Leona
_Tin Flute, The_ (Roy)
_Tomorrow-Tamer and Other Stories, The_ (Laurence)
_Tower in Siloam_ (Hiebert)
_Tree for Poverty, A_ (Somali translations)
Bucholzer's plagiarism of
contents of
importance of
preparation of
publication of
respect for Somali culture in
reviews of
Turnbull, Mary
Turnbull, Rob
Tutuola, Amos
Ukrainian Canadians
Unitarian Church
United College (Winnipeg)
campus life
English Club
English Department
enrollment increases
founding and mission of
Laurence's enrollment
political activism at
Tony's tuck shop
United Empire Loyalists
University of Manitoba
Vailland, Roger
Vancouver, British Columbia
book fair
bridge collapse
Cold War period in
creative-writing group in
cultural life in
geography of
McClelland's promotional tour
measles outbreak
_Vancouver Sun_ (newspaper)
_Vox_ (United College, literary magazine)
Laurence's work at
Laurence's writings in
Wall, Laurence
_War Somali Sidihi_
Ward, Barbara
Warkentin, Helen
Wasagaming, Manitoba
_Wasteland, The_ (Eliot)
_Waters of Kronos, The_ (Richter)
Wayne and Shuster (comedy team)
Weaver, Robert
Welton, Michael
Wemyss, Jack (uncle)
Wemyss, John (grandfather)
Wemyss, Marg (née Simpson; stepmother "Mum")
adoption of son
death of
feedback given on Laurence's novel
financial problems
hospitality of
letters from Laurence
library advocated by
in London
marriage of
poetry memorized by
sale of Neepawa houses,n
as schoolteacher
stresses on
terminal cancer of
in Victoria
widowhood of
Wemyss, Margaret (née Harrison; grandmother)
Wemyss, Robert (father)
adoption of son
appearahce
appearance
death of
early life of
hobbies of
military service of
personality of
remarriage of
woodworking skill
Wemyss, Robert Morrison (Bob; brother)
Wemyss, Verna (née Simpson; mother)
Baby Book of
death of
miscarriages of
musical talent of
Wemyss family crest
_Westerner, The_ (newspaper)
_Whales: A Celebration_
_When the Steel Went Through_ (Bone)
White, Doug
_White Cliffs, The_ (Miller)
_White Company, The_ (Doyle)
Whitehead, Bill
Whitelaw, Marjory
_Who Has Seen the Wind_ (Mitchell)
Williams, Jean Kerr
Wilson, Budge
Wilson, Ethel
Wilson, Lois Freeman
Wilson, Michael
Wilson, Wallace
Wing, Willis Kingsley
Winnipeg, Manitoba
North End
Roslyn Road Community
social issues in
train wreck near
_Winnipeg Citizen_ (newspaper)
_Winnipeg Free Press_ (newspaper)
Canadian concerns of
circulation of
film reviews
freedom of speech issues
Laurence's stories published in
war reportage
writing contests sponsored by
"Young Authors' Section,"
_Winter's Tales_ (anthology series)
Wiseman, Adele
career setbacks
columns for _The Westerner_
friendship with Laurence
Guggenheim awarded to
letters from Laurence
literary works of
London visit
Malcolm Ross viewed by
trip to China
Wiseman, Chaika
Wiseman, Miriam
Wiseman family
_wob_ (brushwood structure)
Woodbury, J.C.
Woodcock, George
Woodsworth, J.S.
Woodward, Gordon
Woodward, Joanne
Woolf, Virginia
World War I
World War II
Young, Douglas
Yourcenar, Marguerite
Zadkine, Ossip
_zareba_ (thornbush structure)
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It's been said that the way in which we are most made in the image of God is in our ability to be creative. That creative capacity is endowed in all humanity, Christian or not, as the place we can most invest our hearts and souls; perhaps more than any enterprise beside having children. What's more, beauty has always been one of the core virtues that the church has understood as a pure revelation of God's nature.
For this to happen, it's critical that we stop looking to the secular world as our primary source of inspiration. We need to look to God and His Spirit.
We can't be only reacting to what is new or cool or successful in the world. We need to be learning from the creator of everything from planets to petunias and leading innovation in every medium.
We (on the Protestant side of the equation anyway) must regain our appreciation of mystery and the simply lovely and loosen up the exclusive value on factual truth. Art cannot be seen as nothing more than a pretty teaching aid.
And we must give up that silent, nagging fear of the world that keeps us from celebrating excellence regardless of the artists faith or lack thereof.
Let's reclaim this part of our identity as Sons and Daughters of the Living God and pursue creativity and innovation in such a way that the world comes to us not because we are believers, not in spite of our belief, but simply because our work is demonstrably the most creative, the most unique, the most powerful. Every man and woman is graced with this profound ability to create and it is in no way limited to those who call themselves Christians, but as those who sit at the throne in regular contact with the source of all creativity ti seems reasonable that a believer may have a certain creative edge. In this way, as we create and innovate and explore with the wind of the Spirit in our sails, we do more to show God's love and life to the world than in most any other enterprise – when we enrich the hearts and feed the souls of all who see.
Fantastic thoughts. It's a conversation that is stirring and has been I'd say across denominations and in the younger generations. I know for myself as a performer and writer, I struggled like Jonah did when God said His church was the mission field I needed to be in. And the amazing thing is, it still is so much a struggle. I've enjoyed countless conversations and meetings with individuals who desire to create EXCELLENT work, because too often what is presented "for God's glory" is hardly befitting Him. It's lazy, plagarized, gimmicky, and lacks heart. I write a blog about these thoughts as well.
Great article. I'd love to hear more thoughts on this.
Hey thanks for the insight Lamar, and the chapter/verse !
So was Jesus talking about his people in this verse? That their hearts were hardened because they knew the law and the prophets and still missed His message?
I think in terms of art, I am trying to say that to someone without the Spirit, spiritual things are foolishness to them.
1 Corinthians 2:14 – The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.
So if we spend all of our time burying symbolism into our art in order to deliver our Gospel message in a "good art" package, or rip-off the latest slogan on fast food packaging to be relevant, it is all foolishness to one who is perishing.
We're wasting our effort if the Spirit doesn't move in it and on the viewer.
I think maybe we want our Art to do too much, either teach for us, or testify for us, or explain everything for us so the message doesn't get confused.
I think we treat Art as the Sunday sermon rather than the expression of God in every aspect of our lives and so my "christian art" will never strike as true or be as powerful as my testimony of what God has done for me. And maybe that's ok, because maybe my art is a well painted picture of a mountain peak and it is simply beautiful and nothing more.
Yikes Nathan – that comment strikes really close to the bone but I have to admin that you're totally on to something.
Ryan and I were just talking about how we seem to have come to this place where it's not enough for a thing to be simply beautiful. Aristotle says that a creation's virtue lies in its ability to simply do its job. A hammer that pounds nails well is a "virtuous" hammer.
I think you're also tapping on another deep and critical concept – when we do something "for God" is there that thing in our hearts that is really thinking we're somehow supplementing His capacity, as if He couldn't do it without us? There's a word for that = pride.
Good thoughts, especially regarding the necessity that Christians' connection to the Creator power/inspire their own work.
And yet what I find sad is that a major contributor to the stagnation of Christian art seems to be the idea that "I'm doing it for God" is enough to make your output a worthy contribution to the world.
Sure, the reasons and goals behind what you're doing are very important. But, because Christians have a higher purpose in mind, the art itself often takes a back seat to the intent. And thanks to this thinking we end up with stuff like inspirational bracelet charms, half-baked attempts at Bible action figures, and ten zillion versions of the Glowing House in the Woods™ painting. But it's all for God's glory, so that's okay. Isn't it?
What I would say Ryan is that when we mention the purpose of parables, we gotta try and remember that there was a timeline when Jesus started speaking to parables to the people and this happened after they didn't receive what He spoke clearly first(Matt 13:12-15). To whom much is given, much is required, and God didn't intentionally hide the truth about Him and His kingdom from people so they wouldn't be saved, but they rejected what He clearly spoke about first and as a result He spoke to them in parables and revealed the true meaning of the parables to His disciples. It applies to us today, when we reject things God reveals to us clearly, there's no way we can receive deeper things He wants to show us when we're more intimate with Him.
You read earlier chapters in Matthew, and you see where he clearly explains things from deliverance to why He came and what His ministry was, etc.
Ryan – that feels spot on. I certainly know that fear that somehow my 'message' will be misunderstood but I realize that in my deep heart what is really bugging me is a tacit assumption that God can't explain himself and its up to me to interpret for him.
When I frame it like that I realize that I'm actually full of pride ad not full of faith.
As Christians in our culture, I think that we see entertainment, art and media as primarily TEACHING tools. They are the visual aid to illustrate the spiritual, biblical truth of the matter.
For a piece of art to be messy; to not have the truth, yet, and express the emotional place between, or to simply be an expression of beauty, or ugliness is to us at best, juvenile and at worst, reckless.
On the one hand, we take our message seriously and we don't want to lead people astray with false or incorrect views of God. Thus, our messages become too tidy, derivative and shallow because we fear misinterpretation. Our parables shove the deep spiritual values down the throat of the listener. Half of us gag at the taste of it.
On the other hand, biblical parables were never meant to be understood by the masses.
What is revelatory about this to me is that parables were not teaching tools for the unbeliever but for the believer.
The secrets of the kingdom of God including understanding of salvation come through the revelation of the Holy Spirit, not through our words.
At best, our stories point the listener to God, and our art reveals His beauty, but as good American Protestants, perhaps we should rediscover the rest that comes when we stop working so hard to control and instead, make art by His Spirit and let His Spirit reveal the truth of the matter.
i absolutely agree with most of your post… especially the importance of beauty as revelation of God's character, and the sanctity of our own role as creators. however, ought christians truly be the "most" creative? i would be careful not to pose it as a competition; God endows every person with divine creativity, regardless of faith status, and God's face is reflected in all beauty, regardless of the hands that produce it. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 1,180 |
How Do You Get Chosen For 'Survivor'?
Produced by Digital Editors
The survival and competition-based reality show, Survivor, has had an incredibly long run. September 2021 will mark the start of Survivor's 41st season. There has been plenty of intrigue and games to study over the years, so maybe you think you could take on a season of Survivor yourself.
Jeff Probst | CBS via Getty Images
Maybe you could even win the million-dollar prize. The first step is to know how to be selected for the show. Learn these tips and improve your chances of being chosen.
How to audition for 'Survivor'
The first step is to apply online at CBS Survivor Casting. In order to do this, you need to send in a completed application, a current photo, an audition video, and an explanation of why you want to be on the show. There are also open casting calls all over the country where the casting directors seek out new talent.
Some famous players get on the show through connections, while others are scouted — but for the most part, the way to get on is to apply.
Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. #Survivor finally returns this fall with Season 41. What are you most excited for? pic.twitter.com/IF78NiudF8
— SURVIVOR (@survivorcbs) June 7, 2021
Before you apply, be sure you check with your state of residence about age requirements. Generally, you have to be at least 18 years old to apply but some states require you to be older. You must be a U.S. or Canadian citizen. You also have to have a valid passport. If you spark interest with the producers, they will contact you. Hearing nothing means you were not chosen.
Audition tip #1: be genuine
Probably the most important part of your audition submission is your audition tape. This is where potential contestants can feel nervous because they believe a good video will require major videography experience.
The truth is that's not necessarily the case. The casting directors are looking to learn about you and who you truly are. That means there is no room for anything fake or flashy.
The key is to be genuine and to show your true self to your audience. Surviving Tribal said:
"If you're the kind of person who jumps out of trees and does sick stunts, you can keep that in the video. However, the casting team is fine with you shooting a video while sitting on the couch with your children, just as long as you present yourself as a genuine character for whatever character you truly are."
Audition tip #2: be compelling
It is indeed very important to be authentic and not gimmicky when filming your audition tape. Overly flashy and fake videos will not get past the casting directors. However, these same casting directors have the job of putting together the perfect group of people that will help the show make the most money.
What does that mean? That means they need the very best story to tell.
Each of the contestants needs to bring their own strong personalities and compelling stories to the show to help push the character arcs. Share your life and share your story. And if you don't get picked your first time auditioning, don't give up.
Each season is looking for something different and your unique and compelling may very well fit better in a later season. Insider points out that there are quite a few contestants who had to apply quite a few times before they got cast. Don't give up.
Audition tip #3: be a winner
Survivor is a competition and that means you need to have the mind of a winner. You need to have total confidence that you can win the entire show. Never say people have doubted you or that you have doubted yourself.
Do not talk about your failures in life. You don't need to share that you are without a job or fresh out of a relationship. Be authentic, compelling, and confident, and you just might have a chance at being on Survivor.
RELATED: 'Survivor': Can Contestants Brush Their Teeth? | {
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} | 7,515 |
The General Counsel of the Department of Defense is the chief legal officer of the Department of Defense (DoD), advising both the Secretary and Deputy Secretary on all legal matters and services, and providing legal advice to Office of the Secretary of Defense organizations and, as appropriate, other DOD components.
The General Counsel develops the department's Legislative Program and coordinates DoD positions on legislation and Executive Orders; coordinates the appeals process for denied FOIA requests; oversees the performance and standards of DoD attorneys; establishes policy on general legal issues and determines the DoD position on specific legal problems; maintains repository for all international agreements coordinated, negotiated, or concluded by DoD personnel; and is "dual-hatted" as Director of the Defense Legal Services Agency.
This position was established by Reorganization Plan No. 6 of 1953 and by Defense Directive 5145.1, signed 24 August 1953. The position derived its responsibilities from one of the original three Special Assistants to the Secretary (established in 1947) and the Assistant Secretary of Defense (Legal and Legislative Affairs) (established in 1949).
Office holders
See also
General Counsel of the Department of the Air Force
General Counsel of the Army
General Counsel of the Navy
References
External links
Official website
Lawyers who have represented the United States government | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 4,127 |
Corophiida es un infraorden de pequeños crustáceos anfípodos marinos.
Taxonomía
Incluye dos parvórdenes que comprende numerosas superfamilias:
Parvorden Corophiidira
Aoroidea
Cheluroidea
Chevalioidea
Corophioidea
Exampithoinae
Parvorden Caprellidira
Aetiopedesoidea
Caprelloidea
Isaeoidea
Microprotopoidea
Neomegamphoidea
Photoidea
Rakirooidea
Referencias
Lowry, J.K. & Myers, A.A. (2013) A Phylogeny and Classification of the Senticaudata subord. nov. (Crustacea: Amphipoda). Zootaxa 3610 (1): 1-80.
Enlaces externos
Amphipoda | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 3,914 |
Neoscona leucaspis är en spindelart som först beskrevs av Schenkel 1963. Neoscona leucaspis ingår i släktet Neoscona och familjen hjulspindlar. Inga underarter finns listade i Catalogue of Life.
Källor
Hjulspindlar
leucaspis | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 6,101 |
\section{Introduction}
The dynamics of macroscopic particle systems has attracted the interest of
physicists and engineers since long ago \cite{F31,BN47,B38}. Its significance is
partly due to the potential analogies with microscopic particle systems, and partly
because the manipulation of granular materials finds widespread application in
industry \cite{JNB96}. Therefore, the understanding of what has been termed `granular
dynamics' is important both from the point of view of theory and applications. More
specifically, there has been an increasing interest on two-dimensional (granular
systems over the last decades \cite{OU98,Melby2005}.
Granular media share important similarities with molecular matter (as already outlined by O. Reynolds in 1885 \cite{R85}), but yet there are also significant differences and peculiarities.
Convection and turbulence \cite{Eshuis2007,Khain2003}, jamming \cite{LN98}, Brownian motion \cite{OLDLD04}, crystallization \cite{RIS06,CMS12,OU98}, and other phenomena well known in molecular matter have also been observed in granular matter, but they are usually more complex and they often exhibit peculiarities. Furthermore, some of the phenomenology reported in previous works is exclusive to granular matter, such as inelastic collapse \cite{OU98} and clustering instabilities \cite{GZ93}.
In particular, the attention drawn by crystallization and ordering phenomena in 2D
granular systems is partly due to the impact of 2D equilibrium theories in the field
of condensed matter \cite{KT73,KT16}. The seminal work by Kosterlitz, Thouless,
Halperin, Nelson, Young \cite{KT73,NH79,Y79} (subsequently extended by others
\cite{S88}) highlights the role of spatial dimension, as it predicts fundamental
differences in the behavior of two-dimensional (2D) systems with respect to that of
their three-dimensional counterparts.
For instance, theoretical findings and experimental observations \cite{KT73,NH79,Y79}
show that the crystal melting transition in 2D equilibrium systems is in general
continuous and defect-mediated \cite{F64}. The explanation to this 2D transition is
usually referred to as the Kosterlitz-Thouless-Halperin-Nelson-Young (KTHNY) theory \cite{S88,OU05}.
This emphasizes the interest of studying 2D granular systems. An additional advantage
of such systems is that both the experimental measurements and the characterization
of many properties of interest are often more straightforward than in 3D systems \cite{RRSS18}.
In order to induce granular matter thermalization, some kind of energy input is necessary, since energy is lost in macroscopic particle collisions \cite{G03}. Depending on the type of driving, experimental work in 2D systems has relied mostly on air fluidization \cite{Oger1996,MBF81,OLDLD04} or shaking, either tangent \cite{KHTPB03} or perpendicular to the plane to which the motion is constrained. Up to some exceptions \cite{Pontuale2016,Sal18}, in most works the plane in which the particle motion takes place coincides with the horizontal plane; hence, tangent and perpendicular shaking are equivalent to horizontal and vertical shaking, respectively.
Additionally, there are some interesting shaking experiments with no gravity \cite{Grasselli2015} (for which the horizontal direction is of course not defined).
However, more recent work makes use of alternative methods of thermalization with the advantage that boundary friction with boundaries effects are not present, such as an AC electric field on charged particles \cite{GB17} or acoustic
levitators \cite{LSVJ19}.
For the purpose of studying phase transitions, horizontal shaking experiments differ in that, since field gradients are generated from the boundaries, particles located near the walls will experience a net injection of energy while particles in the bulk will suffer mainly dissipative collisions, thereby giving rise to inherently inhomogeneous systems \cite{PM13}; which renders the analysis of order transitions more difficult. In vertical shaking (quasi) 2D experiments, however, homogeneous dynamics can more easily be achieved. A variety of very interesting results have been obtained in vertical shaking experiments with spheres \cite{PMKW78,OU98,Melby2005,RIS06,PM11,CMS12,MS16,SK19,CMSSGS19}. In particular the existence of a liquid-to-crystal continuous transition mediated by the \textit{hexatic} phase has been confirmed,
in agreement with the predictions of the KTHNY theory for equilibrium systems \cite{OU05,KT15}.
In air tables, an appropriately adjusted air current flowing from below prevents
levitation of the particles (the dynamics is thus restrained to a single plane), and
also generates thermal-like motion via the stochastically fluctuating turbulent
wakes that are caused by the interstitial air upflow \cite{OLDLD04}. Moreover, the
dynamics is found to be homogeneous if the upflow is homogeneous as
well \cite{MBF81}. In this way, horizontal dynamics is effectively achieved (i.e.,
no translational kinetic energy is stored in the vertical degree of freedom) for
both plane (disks \cite{MBF81,Oger1996}) and non-plane particles (spheres
\cite{OLDLD04}).
At this stage, a comment on a subtle yet important difference between air table
experiments and vertical shaking experiments \cite{Melby2005} is in order. In the
latter, there is an intrinsic (non-measurable) fraction of the translational
kinetic
energy directly input in the vertical direction via mechanical collisions between
the particles and the shaking boundaries \cite{Melby2005}. However, in air tables the
motion of spheres outside the horizontal plane is limited to sphere rolling,
implying that there are no vertical displacements of the center of mass of the
particles. For the sake of precision, we will make use of the term \textit{quasi-2D}
or \textit{pseudo-2D} to refer to the dynamics of rolling spheres described in this
work (as already explained, for an analogous but slightly different reason, vibrated
thin layers \cite{Melby2005} are also referred to as \textit{quasi-2D} systems) \cite{MS16} .
It is also important to note that, according to the type of particles in air tables, we can distinguish
between works dealing with flat particles (disks, usually \cite{Oger1996,Grasselli2015}), to which
we will refer as two-dimensional (2D) systems and works dealing
with non-plane particles, most notably, spheres \cite{OLDLD04} (as we said, we will
refer to these systems as being quasi-2D). Thus, in our work, we are specifically interested in pseudo-2D dynamics, and not in strictly 2D dynamics.
As a lead-in to relevant results found throughout this work: we have carried out a
preliminary description of phase behavior (most notably, crystallization processes)
of rolling spheres, which had not been addressed in previous works. We will see that
set of spheres on a horizontal air table may undergo a variety of different phases,
ranging from the low density granular gas to highly packed crystals; unlike in
quasi-2D vertical shaking experiments, where low density phases are not observable
in wide regions of the parameter space \cite{NRTMS14}. Additionally, we find that
repulsion forces between the spheres (of hydrodynamic origin \cite{Ojha2005}) are at
play in our system, and this will have a crucial impact on the phase behavior. We
have included a brief quantitative description of these phases through the
computation of the appropriate bond-orientational order parameter and Voronoi
diagrams.
We also report results on the velocity distribution function (investigating the
causes of deviations from a purely Maxwellian behavior), velocity autocorrelation and
radial distribution function, these are important to describe the mechanisms by which
particles interact with each other and to characterize the observed phases.
Besides that, we have also studied the diffusive nature of our system, which is an
aspect often overlook in previous works on similar systems. An interesting take-out
is the finding of some regions (in the density-temperature parameter space) where the
observed behavior is markedly subdiffusive (this being associated in some cases with
a glass-like phase). We also encourage the reader to take a look at the supplementary
material \cite{suppl} where we have included a novel result regarding the
non-monotonous behavior of the granular temperature and some illustrative movies.
This paper is organized as follows. In the next section, we describe the experimental
system and the particle tracking methods \cite{CG96} we have used.
In Section \ref{dynamics} we analyze the behavior of dynamical properties (distribution function, velocity autocorrelation and diffusion). Section \ref{structural} discusses the ordering properties of the system
and the emergence of phase transitions.
In Section \ref{conclusions} we discuss the results and outline some open problems that could be studied with similar experimental set-ups.
\section{Description of the system}
\label{ExpM}
We perform experiments with a variable number $N$ of identical spherical particles. Specifically, our particles are ping-pong balls with diameter $\sigma = 4~\mathrm{cm}$ (ARTENGO\texttrademark~brand balls, made of ABS plastic with mass density $0.08~\mathrm{g\,cm}^{-3}$). The spheres rest on a metallic mesh (circular holes of $3~\mathrm{mm}$ diameter arranged in a triangular lattice) and are enclosed by a circular wall made of
polylactic acid (PLA). The diameter of this circular boundary is $D=72.5~\mathrm{cm}$ and its height is $h\simeq 4.5~\mathrm{cm}>\sigma$. Thus, the
total area of the system available to the spheres is $A=0.413~\mathrm{
m}^{2}= 328.65\times\pi(\sigma/2)^2$, which means that up to $N_\mathrm{max}=(\pi/\sqrt{12})\times 328.65\simeq298$ balls can fit in our system neglecting boundary effects (the $\pi/\sqrt{12}\simeq 0.9069$ factor corresponds to the maximum packing fraction for disks in an infinite system \cite{B83}).
\begin{figure}[!t]
\centering
(a)\hspace*{0.75\columnwidth}~\\
\includegraphics[height=5.25cm]{./figs/Fig1.pdf}\hspace{1cm}\\
(b)\hspace*{0.75\columnwidth}~\\
\includegraphics[height=4.25cm]{./figs/snapshot.png}
\caption{(a) Sketch of the experimental set-up. (b) Sample image showing the relative size of balls and grid holes.}
\label{scheme}
\end{figure}
A state of the particulate system with stationary statistical properties is achieved
by means of a vertical air flow in upward direction, as depicted in Figure
\ref{scheme}. This upflow through the metallic grid generated with a fan,
SODECA\texttrademark~$\mathrm{HCT-71-6T-0.75/PL}$, and has stream velocities in the range
$u_{air}=[$2 - 5.5$]$ $\mathrm{m/s}$. We have observed an approximately linear
relationship between $u_{air}$ and fan power. An intermediate foam ($\sim
2~\mathrm{cm}$ thick) homogenizes the air current from the fan.
In order to assess the homogeneity of the flow throughout all the interstitial
regions of the system, the air flow distribution over the grid was measured with a
turbine digital anemometer plugged to a computer for the sake of data collection. We
took measurements over a square grid of regularly spaced points on the table, and
found local deviations of the air current of less than $10\%$ with respect to the
average $u_{air}$. The air current coming from the fan produces turbulent wakes as it
flows past the spheres \cite{vD82}. We thus achieve a pseudo-two-dimensional
particle dynamics, since the relevant particle motion is restrained to the grid plane
(for more details on our particle fluidization mediated by turbulent air flow, see
the Supplementary material \cite{suppl}).
Summarizing, our experimental system has the following properties: 1) It is a
many-particle system; 2) energy input (in absence of particles) can be measured and
is found to be homogeneous; 3) motion is contained in a horizontal plane (the grid),
and as a consequence gravity does not single out a predominant direction for
in-plane particle movement.
A series of experiments has been carried out by modifying the values of air flow
intensity ($2~\mathrm{m/s}\leq u_{air} \leq 5.5~\mathrm{m/s}$) and packing
fraction $\phi\equiv N(\sigma / D)^{2}$, ($0.03\leq \phi \leq 0.79$). We have recorded a $99.92~\mathrm{s}$ clip of each
experiment with a high-speed camera (Phantom\texttrademark~ VEO 410L) at
$250~\mathrm{frames/s}$, or fps, (well below the maximum operational speed of
our camera); i.e. the camera records a new image every $\Delta
t_\mathrm{fps}=1/250~\mathrm{s}$. Particle positions are detected and tracked
throughout the movies by means of a particle-tracking algorithm \cite{CG96,opencv} that,
after adjusting for our particles and illumination conditions, is
applied to the digital images taken by the camera. Images are recorded at the camera
maximum working resolution (1200 $\times$ 800 pixels). In order to obtain high
resolution images of the spheres (with 80 pixels per particle diameter), the camera
was zoomed on the central region of
the system; i.e., highly accurate particle position and velocity
measurements were taken. More details on particle-tracking and experimental methods
and as well as the measurement accuracy we achieved can be found
in the supplementary material \cite{suppl}.
\section{Dynamical properties}
\label{dynamics}
Air-fluidized granular 2D or pseudo-2D systems have already been studied by other
researchers. The closest analogs to our system may be found in the works involving
air table experiments with disks (2D dynamics)
\cite{Lemaitre1991,Lemaitre1993,Ippolito1995,Oger1996} and with spheres (pseudo-2D dynamics) \cite{OLDLD04,Ojha2005,Abate2005} In the system with spheres, several series of experiments were
initially performed with a single ping-pong ball \cite{OLDLD04} and a small number
of them \cite{Abate2005,Ojha2005}, in order to characterize microscopic fluctuations and
particle-particle and wall-particle forces. It was only later that,
experiments were performed with larger sets of spheres in order to study jamming
conditions \cite{Abate2006}.
Inspired by these previous works, in what follows we will extend previous studies by
providing a comprehensive description of the different dynamic properties displayed
by a system with a relatively large number of spheres. A full exploration of the
parameter space defined by the packing fraction $\phi$ and the granular
temperature $T$ can be achieved by controlling the number of particles $N$ and the air
upflow velocity $u_\mathrm{air}$. We must also note that some aspects of our system
dynamics differ from those of previous works for closely related systems; in particular, in our
experiments particles do not appear to be trapped in a harmonic potential, as
opposed to previous results \cite{OLDLD04}. Furthermore, in contrast with some
previous results \cite{Oger1996,Abate2008}, we find that granular
temperature does not decrease monotonically with particle density.
These differences will be further discussed in the remainder of this paper.
\par\bigskip
\subsection{Distribution function and velocity autocorrelation}
\label{fv}
In Figure~\ref{log_fv} (a) we show the distribution function $f(c)$ of the rescaled
velocity $c\equiv v/v_0$ (with $v_0\equiv(2T/m)^{1/2}$ being the thermal velocity and
$T\equiv (m/2)\langle v^2\rangle$ the granular temperature, and $\langle \cdots
\rangle$ denotes ensemble average).
Except when specified otherwise, magnitudes are dimensionless. We use particle diameter
$\sigma$, seconds $s$ and particle mass $m$ as units for length,
time and mass respectively.
The results show a clear tendency to deviate from
the Maxwellian distribution function (represented here by a solid line); this trend
being stronger the denser the system. As observed in previous experimental works on
quasi-2D granular dynamics, as the tails deviate from the Maxwellian, they become
exponential-like \cite{Prevost2002,OU99,Scholz2017}.
Moreover, it is interesting to note that this behavior was previously reported for
constant particle density series with increasing granular temperature, but not
for (approximately) constant temperature series, as displayed in Figure~\ref{log_fv}~(a).
We chose to compare systems with similar temperature in order to isolate the effects of modifying $\phi$ from the effects of changing the energy input-dissipation balance.
There is a certain difficulty in creating these constant temperature series, since the range of attainable granular temperatures can be very narrow depending on particle density.
Figure~\ref{log_fv} (b) shows the kurtosis $K=\langle v^4\rangle/\langle v^2\rangle^2$ of the distribution function, which can be used to quantify the deviations from the Maxwellian distribution. As we can see, there
is also a strong overall tendency to deviate significantly from the Maxwellian at
low temperatures and low densities (see Figure~\ref{log_fv} b). This probably signals the prevalence in this regime of friction effects due to the interaction between the irregular mesh surface and the balls, and as we will see later, can also be an indication of ordering processes.
\begin{figure}[!t]
\centering
(a) \hspace*{0.75\columnwidth}~\\
\includegraphics[width= 0.855 \columnwidth]{./figs/Fig2a.pdf} \\
(b) \hspace*{0.75\columnwidth}~\\
\includegraphics[width=0.85 \columnwidth]{./figs/Fig2b.pdf}
\caption{(a) Velocity distribution functions in logarithmic
scale for a series taken at approximately constant
granular temperature. The experimental data reveal that high density systems with exhibit more pronounced non-Maxwellian high-energy tails at $T=0.76$. (b) Here we represent the kurtosis for constant density
series vs. $T$. }
\label{log_fv}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\begin{tabular}{ c c }
(a) \hspace*{0.25\textwidth} & (b) \hspace*{0.25\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width= 0.3\textwidth]{./figs/Fig3a.pdf} &
\includegraphics[width= 0.3\textwidth]{./figs/Fig3b.pdf} \\
(c) \hspace*{0.25\textwidth} & (d) \hspace*{0.25\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width= 0.3\textwidth]{./figs/Fig3c.pdf} &
\includegraphics[width= 0.3\textwidth]{./figs/Fig3d.pdf}\\
\end{tabular}
\caption{Velocity autocorrelations. Panels (a), (b)
\& (c) display data series taken at constant packing fraction ($\phi=0.18$, $\phi=0.365$
\& $\phi=0.749$ respectively); (d) shows a data series taken at approximately constant
granular temperature. }
\label{vel_correlation}
\end{figure*}
The velocity autocorrelation function (VAF) reflects the memory effects in the fluid and is related to key transport properties. Within our experimental accuracy, it has been verified to depend only on time differences. We thus define this quantity as follows:
\begin{equation}
A(t) = \frac{\langle \vec{v}(\tau)\cdot \vec{v}(t+\tau)\rangle}{\langle \vec{v}(\tau)\rangle^2},
\end{equation} where $\langle \dots \rangle$ indicate averaging over particles $i$ and time $t$, with a time step $\tau$.
Results are shown in Figure~\ref{vel_correlation}, where it can be readily noticed that there is a significant time
interval during which autocorrelations are negative. We interpret this as a clear indication of particle effects due to non-contact distance interactions mediated
by the circulating air,
as opposed to the behavior for hard
particles \cite{SGIW6}.
Moreover, the decay time to negative autocorrelations can be regarded as a
measure of the typical collision time (in this context, ``collision'' should be
understood as a particle entering a region where it can feel the repulsive forces as it approaches other neighboring particles). This collision time has been found to decrease with increasing density.
In order to characterize this effect,
Figure~\ref{vel_correlation} (d) presents measurements of the velocity autocorrelation for a wide range of densities at nearly constant temperature. The displayed results clearly indicate that
non-contact interactions are in general more important at both ends of the density
spectrum. At very low densities the negative dip in the time behavior can be due to
a single-particle effect (e.g. vortex shedding). At lower densities the negative
values extend even up to $t\sim 2~\mathrm{s}$, indicating that the particles are
caged by their neighbors. Interestingly, the behavior is not monotonic, and in the
very dense regime, the dip becomes more pronounced again. This indicates that the
interstitial hydrodynamic effects are more complex than expected, this having an
impact in the phase behavior of the system, as results reveal later. Notice for
instance the curve for $\phi=0.365$, with only negative values at short times,
presents the behavior analogous to that of a gas, whereas for both lower and higher
densities stronger negative
autocorrelations at longer times show up, which is the behavior that can be expected for a
liquid. However, as diffusive properties will reveal, is at lowest density
($\phi=0.183$, purple symbols curve) where we
can actually detect the strongest negative autocorrelations, this indicating that what we are detecting
is actually a glass phase. Finally, at very high densities, negative correlations
become stronger than in the liquid, this being a precursor evidence of symmetry
break (crystals developing). Thus, velocity autocorrelations seem to suggest the
following phase sequence for increasing density: glass, gas, liquid, crystal.
\subsection{Diffusion}
An important characteristic of the experiment particles random motion is the mean square displacement (MSD) $\langle r^2 \rangle$. Most frequently, systems exhibit a power-law long-time behavior of the MSD, i.e., $\langle r^2 \rangle \sim D_\alpha t^\alpha$, where $\alpha$ is the \textit{diffusion exponent}, whereas $D_\alpha$ is the \textit{diffusion coefficient}. If $\alpha\neq 1$, the diffusion process is anomalous; in particular, it is called subdiffusive when $\alpha<1$.
\begin{figure}[t]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.80 \columnwidth]{./figs/Fig4.pdf}
\caption{MLSD (large symbols) and ETAMSD (small symbols) vs. time for three experiments with $\phi=0.183$ and $T=0.422$ (triangles), $\phi=0.365$ and $T=0.618$ (circles), and $\phi=0.709$ and $T=0.632$ (squares). The dashed line has a slope equal to 2 characteristic of ballistic behavior. In the diffusive regime (gray region, corresponding to times between $t=2$ s and $t=16$ s) one has different slopes for different parameter sets. Star symbols correspond to a glassy transition, that typically displays a short plateau forming between ballistic and diffusive regimes.}
\label{fig:MSD}
\end{figure}
The drawback of only having at our disposal a limited number of trajectories can be alleviated through the standard procedure \cite{Meroz2015,Kepten2013} of constructing the time average of the mean square displacement (TAMSD) for each trajectory,
\begin{equation}
\label{x}
\overline{r^2(t)}=\frac{1}{t_m-t} \int_0^{t_m-t} d\tau \left|\vec r(\tau+t)-\vec r(\tau)\right|^2,
\end{equation}
($t_m$ is the measurement time) and subsequently taking the mean over the ensemble of time averages for the individual trajectories. This yields the ensemble average of the time averaged mean square displacement (ETAMSD) $\langle \overline{r^2(t)} \rangle$.
In this procedure it is assumed that both the MSD $\langle r^2 \rangle$ and the TAMSD $\overline{r^2(t)}$ follow the same power-law dependence $t^\alpha$, so that $\alpha$ can be accurately computed from a limited number of trajectories. However, this is not always the case. A well-known counterexample exhibiting non-equivalence between the TAMSD and the MSD as a result of weak ergodicity breaking is transport generated by the so-called continuous-time random walk (CTRW) model \cite{Meroz2015}.
Fortunately, in our experimental system, there are no indications of such a behavior (for example, our VAFs are qualitatively different from those obtained from the CTRW model \cite{Burov2011}).
\begin{figure}[t]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.80 \columnwidth]{./figs/Fig5.pdf}
\caption{Diffusion exponent $\alpha$ vs. the temperature for several densities. As in Fig.\ref{fig:MSD}, the values of $\alpha$ were obtained by fitting the ETAMSD and MLSD curves between $t=2$ s and $t=16$ s. To generate such curves, only trajectories with a minimum length of 40 s have been taken into account. The thick solid gray line is a guide describing the general trend (a smoothing of the MLSD data points has been carried out with a $3^{\mathrm{rd}}$ order Savitzky-Golay moving polynomial).}
\label{fig:alphavsT}
\end{figure}
In Figure~\ref{fig:MSD} we show some representative ETAMSD curves obtained from three experiments with $N=60$ ($\phi=0.183$, $T=0.422$), 120 ($\phi=0.365$, $T=0.618$) and 233 balls ($\phi=0.709$, $T=0.632$).
Only data corresponding to trajectories longer than 40 $s$ are considered. We have carried out fits of the EATMSD in the time interval $2\;\text{s}<t<16\; \text{s}$ (gray region in Figure~\ref{fig:MSD}). This choice is a trade-off ensuring that such an interval starts well after the end time of the ballistic regime, but is at the same time short enough to yield a sufficiently long time window $t_m-t$, so that statistical problems in the computation of the time average can be largely avoided.
In a further effort to obtain an improved estimate of $\alpha$, we have also plotted curves displaying the time dependence of the so-called mean logarithmic square displacement (MLSD) \cite{Kepten2013}, which is the ensemble average of the logarithm of the TAMSD, $\log \overline{r^2(t)}$. A fit of this quantity as a function of $\log t$ leads, in general, to better estimates for $\alpha$, provided that the localization error in the particles position remains small (as is the case in our experiments) \cite{Kepten2013}.
All curves clearly exhibit an initial ballistic regime during which $\langle\overline{r^2(t)}\rangle\sim t^2$. This holds up to times $\lesssim 0.1 s$. The ballistic regime is always followed by a subdiffusive regime ($\alpha<1.0$).
For $\phi=0.183 $ and $\phi=0.365$ one can spot an increase in the slope of the final part of the experimental curves, which could indicate the eventual onset of normal diffusion at even longer times, not covered by our experiment. This terminal increase in the slope has indeed been found to be a typical feature in granular dynamics experiments (e.g., in ref. \cite{Abate2006}, both a transient subdiffusive regime and a final normal diffusion regime were identified for a proper parameter choice). Nevertheless, one should bear in mind that the quality of the TAMSD deteriorates for larger values of $t$, since for such values the size $t_m-t$ of the time window over which the average is performed decreases.
The offset of the MLSD and ETAMSD lines, quite noticeable for $\phi=0.183$, is not completely unexpected \cite{Kepten2013} . In this case the fit of the MLSD and ETAMSD curves between $t=2$ s and $t=16$ s leads to $\alpha=0.53$ and $\alpha=0.70$, respectively. However, the case with $\phi=0.365$ leads to $\alpha=0.8$ and $\alpha=0.9$, respectively, whereas the case with $\phi=0.709$ leads to $\alpha=0.1$ for the two curves. The noteworthy difference in the values of $\alpha$ for $\phi=0.183$ turns out to be a persistent feature in our experiments, see Figure~\ref{fig:alphavsT}.
In Figure~\ref{fig:alphavsT}, we plot the values of $\alpha$ obtained by using the
time interval $2\;\text{s}<t<16\; \text{s}$ to fit the MLSD. As a reference, we also
provide the values of $\alpha$ obtained from the ETAMSD computed for a number of
experiments. As in Kepten \emph{et al.} \cite{Kepten2013}, we have found that these $\alpha$-values
are generally higher than those yielded by the MLSD (the difference is around one or,
at most, two tenths); yet, they follow the same qualitative behavior.
The results in Figure~\ref{fig:alphavsT} reveal a large variability of $\alpha$, due statistical limitations inherent to our experiments (number of trajectories and limited movie clips duration due to camera memory limitations).
For example, for $\phi=0.365$ and $T=0.618$, the MLSD value of $\alpha$ shown in
Fig.~5 is $0.81$ (as already mentioned, this value follows from a fit in the
interval $2\;\text{s}<t<16\;\text{s}$ for trajectories longer than
$40\;\text{s}$). However, if ones uses trajectories longer than $30\;\text{s}$, one
gets $\alpha=0.82$, and if one uses the interval $1\;\text{s}<t<20\;\text{s}$, one
finds $\alpha=0.80$. These three different values of $\alpha$ respectively become
equal to $0.90$, $0.83$ and $0.92$ if one chooses $T=1.461$, and for $T=1.651$ they
are $0.80$, $0.89$ and $0.77$. These cases illustrate the kind of variability in
the value of $\alpha$ that we observe. In any case, if one changes the minimal
length of the trajectories and/or the fitting interval in a sensible way, one finds
that the corresponding values of $\alpha$ are compatible with the general
qualitative behavior shown in Fig.~5, and in this sense the latter is robust. We
note two main regimes, according to the behavior with respect to granular
temperature, separated by a small region around $T=0.7$ (where the values of
$\alpha$ are close to 1, the normal diffusion exponent).
At low temperatures ($T\lesssim 0.7$), $\alpha$ is clearly increasing with $T$.
We see that $\alpha$ remains fairly small for the lowest measured granular
temperatures. In particular, we see that there are cases with strong subdiffusive
behavior with $\alpha$ values well below $\alpha=0.5$.
Interestingly, these are precisely the cases where the velocity distribution function deviates to a greater extent from a Maxwellian form (see Figure~\ref{log_fv}). At higher temperatures, we find a second diffusive regime for which $\alpha$ displays a plateau vs $T$ (or at least, is not clearly decreasing nor increasing) and for which the values are still subdiffusive but noticeably larger ($\alpha\sim 0.8 $) than at very low temperatures.
We think
that the strong subdiffusive behavior ($\alpha \le 0.5$) observed for sufficiently low temperatures
is likely due to cage effects \cite{Starr2013}.
In fact, as density increases, one observes the onset of a crystallization process; see Figures 7(g-h) in section \ref{phases}
(crystals are typically
colder than granular fluids under the same forcing conditions \cite{LVU09}). According
to \cite{Starr2013}, the cage size is identified as the value of $\langle r^2\rangle^{1/2}$ for which its logarithmic derivative $d \ln\left(\langle r^2\rangle^{1/2}\right)/d(\ln t)$ attains a minimum. It is interesting to note that in those cases where the ballistic behavior changes to strong subdiffusion (small $\alpha$), the cage effect is so strong that the MSD is even seen to decrease during a short crossover regime. This effect can be clearly observed in the curves corresponding to $\phi=0.709$. We ascribe this behavior to the same transient viscoelastic forces that are responsible for the first dip exhibited by the VAF when $\phi=0.183$ and $\phi=0.709$ (cf. Figs.~\ref{vel_correlation}(a) and \ref{vel_correlation}(c)).
In fact, we conjecture that the anomalous subdiffusive behavior found in non-crystalline phases is due to transient viscoelastic forces characteristic of complex interacting systems with correlated components \cite{Meroz2015}.
On the contrary, the high temperature diffusive regime should correspond to regions of the phase space where the dynamics is dominated by a fluid phase \cite{OLDLD04}. In summary, strong indications of a rich phase behavior in this system emerge out of its diffusive properties. We will address this issue in more detail in the next section.
\section{Structural properties}
\label{structural}
\begin{figure*}[t]
\centering
\begin{tabular}{ c c }
(a) \hspace*{0.25\columnwidth} & (b) \hspace*{0.25\columnwidth}\\
\includegraphics[width= 0.375\textwidth]{./figs/Fig6a.pdf} &
\includegraphics[width= 0.375\textwidth]{./figs/Fig6b.pdf} \\
(c) \hspace*{0.25\columnwidth} & (d) \hspace*{0.25\columnwidth}\\
\includegraphics[width= 0.375\textwidth]{./figs/Fig6c.pdf} &
\includegraphics[width= 0.375\textwidth]{./figs/Fig6d.pdf}
\end{tabular}
\caption{Pair correlation function as processed from experimental $xy$
particle positions. Panels (a), (b)
\& (c) display data series taken at constant packing fraction ($\phi=0.18$, $\phi=0.365$
\& $\phi=0.749$ respectively); (d) shows an data series taken at approximately constant
granular temperature. A crystallization process is evident
from the (a)-(c) panel series; clearly, complete crystallization is
attained for $\phi=0.749$ (see cf. panel (c)).}
\label{gr_fig}
\end{figure*}
Phase transitions and crystallization processes were
analyzed in the 2D system \cite{Lemaitre1993,Ippolito1995,Oger1996} with disks but,
to our knowledge, not in the pseudo-2D system with spheres. Since interactions between spheres are mediated by strong long-ranged hydrodynamic forces, the phase
behavior can be expected to differ importantly from that of the system with disks,
where long-ranged forces have not been detected.
Thus, we devote this section to structural properties and phase
transitions. Motivated by the lack of previous data on phase transitions in this
system, we perform here a comprehensive analysis based on the pair correlation
function $g(r)$ and the Voronoi tessellation with the aim of uncovering as
thoroughly as possible the phase transitions landscape \cite{NR07}. As we will see, $g(r)$ already yields
clear indications of different ordering transitions in the system. Voronoi
tessellation is a graphical representation that partitions space in cells enclosing
only one particle, so that all the points inside a given cell are closer to the
associated particle than to any other particle in the system \cite{NR07}. This
representation will confirm the expectations arising from the behavior of
$g(r)$. Moreover, Voronoi tessellation also conveys additional structural
information, thereby providing clear evidence for the onset of hexagonal order at
high densities \cite{Lemaitre1993,OU05}.
\subsection{Radial distribution function}
Following a standard procedure, we have computed the radial distribution function
from our experimental data; taking into account that the system is 2D and has
constant particle density $\phi_0$, we employ the following formula:
\begin{equation}
g(r) = \sum_{i,j>i}^N\frac{1}{2\phi_0\pi r_{ij} \mathrm{d}r} \Pi(r_{ij}-r-dr/2)\,,
\label{gr}
\end{equation}
where $\Pi(r_{ij}-r-dr/2)\equiv\Theta(r-r_{ij})\Theta(r+dr-r_{ij})$ is the
rectangular pulse function \cite{R12} ($\Theta$ being the Heaviside function \cite{nist}).
Measurements of the radial distribution function reveal interesting structural
changes in the system, as already advanced in the previous sections. Results are
displayed in Figure~\ref{gr_fig}. As we can see,
for $\phi=0.183$ (panel a) there is a liquid-like structure that is highly dependent on temperature. Notice that, in this case, the main peak appears at a distance clearly larger than $r=\sigma$ (we recall $\sigma$ is the particle diameter).
At a higher density ($\phi=0.365$, panel b) an analogous liquid-like structure emerges, but in this case it
is very robust against temperature variations. At even higher densities ($\phi=0.749$, panel c), we can
clearly see a series of sharp peaks, denoting positional ordering. These peaks have
been observed in previous studies \cite{Lemaitre1991} and their positions are related
to the reticular parameter in hexagonal packing. For instance, the secondary peak at
$r\lesssim2\sigma$ for instance corresponds to particles in two non-consecutive
vertexes in a hexagonal cell, with one vertex in between, while the secondary peak at
$r\gtrsim2\sigma$ corresponds to particles in a hexagonal cell located at two non-consecutive vertexes and with two
intermediate vertexes. The pattern actually repeats around
$r\sim3\sigma$, out of neighbor hexagonal cells, thus indicating long-ranged spatial
correlations, inherent to a crystal.
Finally, in Figure~\ref{gr_fig}~(d), the behavior of $g(r)$ for different densities
is displayed in a series of curves at nearly constant temperature, where we can clearly see the transition from fluid-like to crystal-like $g(r)$ curves as the density is increased. It is worth pointing out that sharp secondary
peaks already appear at densities as low (as compared to disks \cite{Lemaitre1991,Lemaitre1993}) as $\phi\sim0.6$, which is an indication of
a lattice parameter that is larger than the particles diameter. Furthermore, the
first secondary peak develops around $r=2\sigma$, this being a feature that appears
in a crystallization process. Note that this behavior is
reminiscent of that observed in early subcooled molecular liquids close to the glass
transition \cite{AJL19}. The pair correlation function reveals the emergence of some kind of spatial correlations and
translational symmetry, but it does not provide information on the geometrical
properties of this symmetry. For that purpose, the Voronoi diagrams, complemented
with 2D histograms of particle positions, we present in
the next subsection are more adequate.
\subsection{Phase changes}
\label{phases}
\begin{figure*}[htbp]
\centering
\begin{tabular}{c c c}
(a) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.183$, $T=0.16$ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (b) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.183$, $T=0.59$ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (c) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.183$, $T=0.74$ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N60_ap22.jpeg}&
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N60_ap26.jpeg}& \includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N60_ap30.jpeg}\\
(d) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.274$, $T=0.67 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (e) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.365$, $T=0.62 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (f) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.457$, $T=0.70 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N90.jpeg}& \includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N120.jpeg}&
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N150.jpeg}\\
(g) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.548$, $T=0.70 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (h) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.639$, $T=0.68 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (i) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.709$, $T=0.63 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N180.jpeg}&
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N210.jpeg}& \includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/hist2d_N233.jpeg}
\end{tabular}
\caption{Set of 2D histograms for different system configurations. These histograms have been generated from the complete set of images in the movie clips, each grey dot representing a particle's instantaneous position. First row: each figure corresponds, from left to right, to increasing granular temperature at constant density; as the system heats up, first glassy
behavior, and then transition to liquid are observed. Second and third rows:
each figure corresponds, from left to right, to increasing density at constant temperature; a transition from liquid to crystal
takes place, with phase coexistence.}
\label{hist2d}
\end{figure*}
In order to detect emerging structural changes, we explored large regions of the
parameter space (see supplementary material \cite{suppl} for a list of experimental data). Results below clarify that performing an exhaustive set of experiments at different densities (and granular temperatures) was necessary since the phase behavior is very rich and complex, which otherwise would have remained unnoticed. For instance, the
series with varying particle density at constant temperature shows a very rich and
peculiar phase behavior. In order to visualize the varying degree of symmetry and the
qualitative changes in related properties, we use both 2D spatial histograms and
Voronoi tessellation diagrams \cite{NR07}, see Figures~\ref{hist2d} and
~\ref{voronoi}.
As already anticipated in Section~\ref{ExpM}), each of the 2D histograms depicted in Figure~\ref{hist2d} visualizes the positions of each particle (represented by white pixels) averaged over the time duration of each movie ($\sim 100~\mathrm{s})$, as usual in previous studies on phase transitions \cite{PMKW78,OU98}. In contrast, Figure~\ref{voronoi} represents
Voronoi diagrams \cite{NR07} of instantaneous states of the same system. Both figures complement each other, i.e., the 2D spatial histograms tell us about the persistence in time of a given geometrical structure, whereas the Voronoi tessellation diagrams inform us about the specific geometry of that
structure.
The evidence provided by Figures~\ref{hist2d},~\ref{voronoi} is rather compelling in spite of the fact that diagrams at very low
densities ($\phi < 0.1$), for which the dynamics is primarily driven by individual particles (particle-particle interactions are not frequent, and the
dynamics is expected to be very similar to what has been previously reported for analogous single-particle systems \cite{OLDLD04}). In contrast, it is interesting to note that for somewhat larger densities $ 0.15 \lesssim \phi \lesssim 0.25$, we observe
glass-like states at sufficiently low temperatures. These glassy phase are
characterized by particles staying trapped by their neighbors (cage effect) for a
sufficiently long time until they can escape to another cage where again then they
remain during a long time again and so on. This is reflected in the diffusive
behavior shown in Figure~\ref{fig:MSD} in the stars symbols series ($\phi=0.183,
T=0.16$), displaying a characteristic plateau (i.e., there is an intermediate
region, here at $t\sim1$, for which the curve is horizontal) in the MSD
\cite{Rodriguez-Rivas2019}. Indeed, Figure~\ref{hist2d}~(a) reveals significant
inhomogeneities in particle dynamics, with sections of the system (bottom left and
top right) where particles
positions are more persistent in time; on the other hand, the corresponding Voronoi
tessellation (Figure~\ref{voronoi}~a) shows a variety of cells with different coordination numbers, which signals the absence of a clearly dominant symmetry structure. At higher densities ($ 0.25 \lesssim \phi \lesssim 0.5$), only a single phase is observed,
which is seemingly disordered and isotropic, and can therefore be regarded as
liquid-like [see panels (c)--(e)]. In panel (f), we have noted an even higher degree
of disorder, with particles distributed in a more uniform fashion. Interestingly enough, upon further increase of
the density ($\phi \gtrsim 0.5$), we see the development of areas of hexagonal
ordering in coexistence with the fluid phase [see panels (g,h)]. The hexagonally ordered
phase grows with increasing density -- panel (h)-- eventually occupying
the entire system, see panel (i).
\begin{figure*}[t]
\centering
\begin{tabular}{c c c}
(a) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.183$, $T=0.16 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (b) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.183$, $T=0.59 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (c) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.183$, $T=0.74 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N60_ap22_v2.jpeg}&
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N60_ap26.jpeg}& \includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N60_ap30.jpeg}\\
(d) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.274$, $T=0.67 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (e) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.365$, $T=0.62 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (f) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.457$, $T=0.70 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N90.jpeg}& \includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N120.jpeg}&
\includegraphics[width=0.32\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N150.jpeg}\\
(g) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.548$, $T=0.70 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (h) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.64$, $T=0.68 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} & (i) \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} $\phi=0.709$, $T=0.63 $ \hspace*{0.02\textwidth} \\
\includegraphics[width=0.30\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N180.jpeg}&
\includegraphics[width=0.30\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N210.jpeg}& \includegraphics[width=0.30\textwidth]{./figs/voronoi_N233.jpeg}
\end{tabular}
\caption{Voronoi diagrams corresponding to the systems depicted in
Figure~\ref{hist2d}. These diagrams confirm the glassy behavior in
panels (a) and (b), the lack of order in the liquid-like systems, see panels
(d), (e), (f), and the emergence (initially in coexistence with a liquid
phase) of hexagonal ordering, see panels (g), (h). (i). (Irregular) polygons
have been marked according to the following color code: blue for squares, green for pentagons, yellow for hexagons, dark red for heptagons, and light red for octagons.}
\label{voronoi}
\end{figure*}
\begin{figure}[ht]
\centering
(a)\newline\includegraphics[width=0.45\textwidth]{./figs/Fig9a.pdf}\\
(b)\newline\includegraphics[width=0.45\textwidth]{./figs/Fig9b.pdf}
\caption{(a) Voronoi tiles histograms, displaying time averaged distributions for different densities. (b) Average of six-bond order parameter,x
$|\langle\Psi_6\rangle|$, for constant temperature series
($T\simeq0.76 $). Its density distribution function is
also represented in the inset, for the cases $\phi=0.183$ (glass, pointed line),
$\phi=0.457$ (liquid, dashed line) and $\phi=0.639$ (hexagonal crystal,
continuous line).\label{fig:psi6} }
\end{figure}
It is interesting to note also that hexagonal ordering appears at much lower
densities ($\phi \simeq 0.5$ and higher) than in systems of hard particles \cite{OU05}, in experimental assemblies of disks \cite{Lemaitre1991} or in soft disk
models used in molecular dynamics to mimic active or passive particles, see
e.g. \cite{DLCGP19}). We think this signals strong effects of long-ranged
hydrodynamic forces between the rolling spheres over the phase
behavior. Furthermore, we clearly detected phase coexistence of the hexagonal
crystal with the liquid phase
(Figure~\ref{hist2d} g). This notably differs from the observations of
hexagonal crystallization/melting in a confined monolayer of vertically
vibrated and quasi-elastic spheres \cite{OU05} and in air-fluidized disks
\cite{Lemaitre1993}. In fact, in these two latter
systems the hexagonal crystal undergoes a melting transition of
KTHNY \cite{KT73,Halperin1978,NH79,Y79} type (i.e.; the melting transition for the
vibrated layer is continuous and mediated by the successive unbinding of dislocation
and disclination pairs, and it does not involve phase coexistence). Finally, it is
also remarkable that for very cold systems there is
no collective ordered collapse as it happens in a vibrated monolayer of hard
spheres \cite{OU98}. Instead, the particles in the gas phase gradually and undergo
unstructured strong
freezing, which results in the collective formation of disordered lattices (Figure 7
a).
In addition to Figures~\ref{hist2d},~\ref{voronoi}, movie clips and experimental data
of the different phases observed are available in the Supplementary
material \cite{suppl}. The complexity and richness of the phase transitions that
we have observed is worth being studied in more detail. Such a study will be carried
out in subsequent works.
Finally, in Figure~\ref{fig:psi6} (a) we represent in a more quantitative manner
geometrical configurations for glass, liquid and hexagonal crystal, by means of
Voronoi histograms (averaged over all frames) according to the particle coordination number (or, equivalently, type
of polygon for each Voronoi tile). As we can see, hexagonal cells become
predominant only when the hexagonal crystal is fully developed (for $\phi\ge0.6$), whereas in both glass and liquid the cell distribution is more
uniform. In order to quantify the liquid-hexagonal more specifically, we represent in
Figure~\ref{fig:psi6}(b) the absolute value of the average of the six-bond order
parameter $\Psi_6$ for an increasing density series, at constant temperature, and
its density distribution functions for three different densities. This order
parameter average is defined, for each frame, as
$\Psi_6=(1/N)\sum_k^N(1/N_k)\sum_j\mathrm{e}^{6\theta_{ik}\i}$, where $\theta_{jk}$ is the
bond angle for the $k-j$ particle pair and the $j$ sum runs over the $N_k$ neighbors of
particle $k$ (the sum over the $k$ particle index is the magnitude averaging, assuming the
system has $N$ particles in total). After this, we average for all frames, which we
denote as $\langle\Psi_6\rangle$. A steep increase in $|\langle\Psi_6\rangle|$ is noticeable for
packing fraction $\phi>0.548$, which is the density corresponding to the system with
position 2D histogram in Figure~7 (g), for which we first
find a developing hexagonal crystallite. It is also to be noticed here that glass and
liquid present rather similar behavior; i.e. cell histograms and six-bond order
parameter do not display ordering, which is what we expected since these phases
are indistinguishable off their structural properties.
\section{Conclusions}
\label{conclusions}
We have studied in this work the pseudo-2D dynamics of a set of air-driven identical
spheres which, excited by turbulent air, roll under Brownian movement on a
horizontal metallic grid.
To the best of our knowledge, we have obtained the first experimental series showing
the influence of particle density on the behavior of the distribution function
(Figures~\ref{log_fv} d) at nearly constant
temperature. The distribution function exhibits non-Maxwellian high energy tails, a feature also
reported in previous works on granular dynamics \cite{OU98,NE98}. However, in contrast with
the behavior of a monolayer of vertically vibrated particles \cite{OU99}, these
non-Maxwellian tails seem to be more prominent at higher temperatures (Figures~\ref{log_fv} a, b, c).
Velocity autocorrelations illustrate the relevance of hydrodynamic forces due to
airflow-mediated particle
interactions. Our analysis unveils an important difference with respect to analogous
experimental set-ups, like thin layers of vertically vibrated spheres \cite{OU05} or
air-fluidized disks \cite{Lemaitre1993}. In particular, we show that hydrodynamic
forces result in the onset large negative autocorrelations at comparatively short
times (Figure~\ref{vel_correlation}). Direct observation confirms that particles
initially approaching each other then experience an effective repulsion at distances.
This yields a very peculiar phase
map, as is shown in section \ref{phases}. In particular, it prevents the formation of
gas-like states at very low
densities ($\phi\lesssim 0.15$ ); contrary to the case of air-fluidized disks, we
observe independent Brownian-like behavior for each particle, which rarely
collide (see
Supplementary material experiments clips \cite{suppl}).
Clearly, the effect of repulsive forces in the dynamics of the system is more
important at low densities, which is consistent with the observation that negative
autocorrelations at short times are more pronounced in dilute
systems (Figure~\ref{vel_correlation}(d), see also movies in Supplementary
material \cite{suppl}).
Two distinct diffusive regimes have been observed. In contrast with previous works,
the system can remain subdiffusive even in disordered low density phases (Figure~\ref{fig:alphavsT}), which is another
consequence of the existence of long-ranged hydrodynamic interactions. We thus see no strong dependence of the diffusion exponent $\alpha$ on the particle density. In contrast, $\alpha$ turns out to be very sensitive to changes in the granular temperature. At very low temperatures, $\alpha$ takes very small values, and the system is strongly subdiffusive. At somewhat higher temperatures, the system still remains strongly subdiffusive despite the steady growth of $\alpha$ with increasing temperature. Finally, at temperatures $T\approx 0.7$ and higher, $\alpha$ stabilizes around values that are weakly subdiffusive and a plateau is observed.
The phase transitions observed in our system display a surprisingly rich and peculiar
behavior, not reported previously in similar systems and ranging from a collection of independent Brownian-like particles at low
densities to glassy or liquid states at moderate densities, and to the onset of regular hexagonal
lattices at higher densities. Most notably, the hexagonal crystal
melting occurs here in coexistence with a liquid phase. This finding differs
strikingly
from previous results reported for 2D systems of air-fluidized
disks \cite{Lemaitre1993} and quasi-2D systems of quasi-elastic spheres \cite{OU05}, where phase coexistence of
liquid and hexagonal crystals in the melting transition was not found. In our
system, the behavior of the liquid to
hexagonal crystal transition appears to be more similar to what has been reported for highly inelastic
spheres in a quasi-2D system \cite{KT15}, where phase coexistence has also been
reported. However, in our system the phase coexistence seems to be mediated by long-ranged
hydrodynamic forces rather than by the inelasticity of particle collisions and
because of this reason occurs at noticeably lower densities. Thus, further study on
the evolution of the bond-orientational
correlation function \cite{Pasupalak2020} or the $p_n$ parameter distribution
\cite{RRFM14,MMBL03} will be needed to cast light on the precise mechanism of this
phase transition in future work.
While there is an extensive bibliography referring to engineering
applications of air table systems \cite{MBF81}, here we have used one such system for
a more fundamental purpose, namely, to describe a variety of non-equilibrium quasi-2D phase
transitions and to identify the analogies with and departures from equilibrium
theories and previous observations in granular dynamics experiments with
air-fluidized disks \cite{Lemaitre1991,Lemaitre1993} and thin vibrated layers \cite{Melby2005,KT15}.
Summarizing, our results unveil a very rich and original behavior of our quasi-2D
system at various levels (distribution function, diffusion, velocity and spatial correlations,
phase transition diagrams, etc.) with respect to its closest analogs. Furthermore, contrary to
first observations in quasi-2D granular systems \cite{OU05}, our results suggest that the hexagonal crystal melting
transition in granular systems may in general not follow the KTHNY scenario.
\section*{Acknowledgements}
The authors thank Dr. F. Rietz and Dr. A. Lasanta for fruitful discussion and Prof. J. S. Urbach for valuable
discussion and revision of the manuscript. We acknowledge funding from the Government of Spain through project No. FIS2016-76359-P and from the regional Extremadura Government through projects No. GR18079 \& IB16087, both partially funded by the ERDF.
\balance
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 2,025 |
# Table of Contents
1. Foreword
2. Introduction: From Failure to Freedom
3. Chapter 1: Permission to Be Real
4. Chapter 2: Growing Up with God
5. Chapter 3: Stuff Like This Doesn't Happen to Us
6. Chapter 4: Chased by God
7. Chapter 5: It's Complicated
8. Chapter 6: Come, Thou Fount
9. Chapter 7: Owning My New Identity
10. Chapter 8: Sin Shock
11. Chapter 9: Vulnerability Breeds Vulnerability
12. Chapter 10: Jesus Is Better
13. Notes
# Guide
1. Foreword
2. Table of Contents
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Jamie Ivey knows the grace of God deep down in her bones. She tells her story with humor and candor, and with a heaping measure of bravery. I'm beyond thankful for her voice in the church today. I pray that the example of her transparency will spread far, and that the testimony of the gospel found in the pages of this book will saturate the dry soil of many lives.
Jamie's vulnerability will cause you to exhale and remind you of God's grace to build beauty from ashes. Thank you, Jamie, for reminding us that there is freedom in repentance and how beautiful the local church can be.
Jennie Allen, author of Nothing to Prove and founder and visionary of the IF:Gathering
Jamie is one of the kindest and most genuine people I've ever met, and you'll be glad to know she shows up exactly in these pages as she does in real life. If you've ever felt held captive by a part of your story that you've kept hidden, Jamie's story will be an encouragement to you that nothing you've done can keep you from living out your purpose in this life.
Amy Brown, co-host of the Bobby Bones Show
I'll be buying copies of Jamie's book for all the young gals I know, all the gals wondering how they step into the life they know God has for them. I couldn't tell where Jamie's story ended and Jesus' story began, and that is a very beautiful thing. This book pulls back the curtain on grace, hope, and purpose in a life-giving and encouraging way and I can't suggest reading it enough.
Jessi Connolly, speaker and author of Dance Stand Run and Wild and Free
Jamie's podcast is fun and approachable in tone, just like a happy hour meet up. Her book, while still maintaining the girlfriend to girlfriend tone we have come to know and love from her, also reveals a more vulnerable side of Jamie. She wades in deep waters with Jesus throughout the pages and I found myself dwelling in the waters with her by the book's end.
Jessica Honegger, founder and CEO of Noonday Collection
If you've listened to Jamie's podcast, you no doubt feel like she's a dear, trusted friend. And in Jamie's new book, she takes that friendship to a whole new level by getting all-the-way real with her readers. Refreshingly honest and relatable, If You Only Knew is a fearless, bold, gut-level-honest account of Jamie's journey to freedom in Christ. You'll see yourself in her story, and more than anything else, you'll see the loving hand of a Savior who faithfully pursues, redeems, heals, and restores. What a beautifully written, grace-filled reminder that it is for freedom that we have been set free (Gal. 5:1). Don't miss it!
Sophie Hudson, author of Giddy Up, Eunice and All in All: Loving God Wherever You Are
Real, raw, and redemptive. The words that Jamie Ivey shares in If You Only Knew offer healing and freedom to women lost in their lives, ashamed of their past, or doubtful that God could still love them. Jamie offers a breath of fresh air to those with a suffocated soul. Her story offers proof that God, in His loving-kindness, is faithful to pursue His people.
Chrystal Evans Hurst, author of She's Still There
Jamie is one of my favorite people. She is vulnerable and honest, so of course her book would be exactly that. In If You Only Knew, Jamie tells the story of her past and present, but more than that, she tells the story of how God has redeemed the entirety of her story. This book meets people in the trenches of their lives—in heartache, in disappointment, in failure, and reminds them that God gives freedom, peace, and joy when we give those things to Him.
Catherine Lowe, mother, reality-TV personality, and entrepreneur
Inside these pages, Jamie Ivey invites you into her story about how God's grace led her to experience true freedom, both from her past and for the present. Maybe you, like me, could use a reminder that the gospel not only breaks the bonds of sin, but also removes all our guilt and shame. If You Only Knew is the reminder, that the freedom we long for is found only in Jesus, and Jesus is better. This book is the rarest of combinations: both serious and fun. You will be taught and challenged, and yet you will enjoy it all the way.
Russell Moore, president, Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention
Vulnerability not only makes you brave, but it takes great courage to be vulnerable. Vulnerability unleashes your God-given potential. Jamie's book is refreshingly authentic and vulnerable. She talks about the hard things that get buried in our attempt to make great impressions. We need to hear stories of struggle and how God can redeem and redefine our brokenness. Jamie's honesty will combat the shame that many feel about their past, even our present. I love how Jamie shares her ongoing struggles, but also shows how Scripture guided her to see Jesus in every circumstance. What if we were honest? What if we had the permission to be real? What if we discovered Jesus was better and greater than any of our circumstances? There's something empowering about saying, "Me too." We are not alone in our struggles. This book will be a catalyst in helping others become free to walk and run in the freedom that only Christ gives us all.
Tasha Morrison, founder and president of Be the Bridge
If you've ever wondered if there is room at the table for someone with a story like yours, you'll appreciate the resounding yes Jamie offers as she pulls up a chair alongside you in If You Only Knew.
Raechel Myers, founder and CEO of She Reads Truth
Some say that a message is only as believable as its messenger. If that is true, then this book delivers. With endearing and sometimes surprising honesty, Jamie uses her own life story to do what all good story does—tell the story of the God who became a prisoner and slave so we could be made free. I urge you to read these pages slowly and with care. As you do, you may discover, just as Jamie has, that the time to be free isn't later, but now.
Scott Sauls, pastor of Christ Presbyterian Church in Nashville, Tennessee, and author of Befriend and From Weakness to Strength
This book is a must-read for all! Life is hard; the struggle is real. And most of us have a hard time being vulnerable and honest about our struggles. I am so thankful Jamie has had the courage to address and challenge us with this topic in a deep way! I look forward to the freedom and fruit this book will bring to those who read it!
Cheryl Scruggs, biblical counselor, podcaster, speaker, and author of I Do Again
This book brought me so much encouragement to be steadfast in vulnerability (even when I want to hide) and to remember that the Lord redeems all sin and failure and disappointment. Through sharing her own life experiences, Jamie Ivey delivers such a beautiful perspective about the exhaustion of living a life of perceived perfection and contrasts it with the freedom of being known.
Lauren Scruggs, blogger, author, and entrepreneur
Jamie Ivey knows the grace of God deep down in her bones. She tells her story with humor and candor, and with a heaping measure of bravery. I'm beyond thankful for her voice in the church today. I pray that the example of her transparency will spread far, and that the testimony of the gospel found in the pages of this book will saturate the dry soil of many lives.
Jen Wilkin, minister at The Village Church Institute and author
With honesty, humor, and vulnerability, Jamie Ivey has given women permission to stand tall and be who they were created to be in Christ, no longer weighed down by the lies of the enemy or feeling any shame from the past. If You Only Knew is a breath of fresh air full of life-giving truth. I adore Jamie and her heart to see women live free of the weight that holds so many down. This book will help you live free and confident because of the total redeeming work of Jesus!
Alli Worthington, author of Fierce Faith: A Woman's Guide to Fighting Fear, Wrestling Worry, and Overcoming Anxiety
Copyright © 2018 by Jamie Ivey
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America.
978-1-4627-4972-0
Published by B&H Publishing Group
Nashville, Tennessee
Published in association with literary agent Jenni Burke of D.C. Jacobson & Associates, www.dcjacobson.com.
Dewey Decimal Classification: 234.3
Subject Heading: CHRISTIAN LIFE \ GRACE (THEOLOGY) \ SECRECY
Cover design and illustration by Matt Lehman.
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations are taken from the English Standard Version. ESV® Permanent Text Edition® (2016). Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
Scripture references marked (niv) are taken from the New International Version®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 • 22 21 20 19 18
To Aaron
You are truly God's kindest gift to me.
Thank you for constantly loving me and pursuing me.
No one else I would rather do life with than you.
Acknowledgments
{
Two of my favorite sayings capture the way my community has poured into my life over these past two years in the creation of this book—Together is better and Teamwork makes the dream work. Both of those sayings sum up all of the thank-you's that I'm about to share.
Jenni Burke, you took a chance on me, and for that I'm grateful. I'll never forget sitting in the room with you putting all of my thoughts together and outlining this book on a white board. You have cheered me on with great joy throughout this whole journey! Let's outline the next book in Italy!
Thank you to all of my new friends at B&H and LifeWay. You took this podcaster and helped her write a book! Jennifer, Heather, Mary, Rachel, and Devin, thank you for your patience with me asking eight million questions about every step of this process every single day. Lawrence, thank you for your guidance, your help, and your encouragement! You have all stewarded this story so well, and partnering with you to share the hope of Jesus Christ has been a joy!
Thank you to my church. I hate to tell all of you readers this, but I have the best church in the world. The Austin Stone Community Church has provided numerous opportunities for me to grow in my love for the Word, and to grow in teaching the Word. This journey of freedom that I write about began when I entered that high school gym in 2008 and allowed God to restore my weary and guarded heart.
Not only do I have the best church in the world, I have the best friends in the world. Amy Gayhart, as my longest friend, you have seen this whole story unfold, and loved me every step of the way. Amanda Brown, you make my work life fall into place and I'm so grateful. Your friendship toward me in my career is one of my most precious gifts in this lifetime. I will always say that you are the friend I never knew I needed! Tiffany, Laura, Maris, Kim, Annie, Noelle, Leslie, Suzanne, and Taylor, you all inspire me in your endless support of me. Lindsey and Ginger, thank you for steering these words in the right direction. Angela Suh, you read this whole book and helped me make sure Jesus was always the center of this story—thank you for that, my friend.
Sophie Hudson, your encouragement to me in Kenya has never left me. Nancy Mattingly, I'm convinced no one has ever prayed for me the way you have. You are just simply the best. Shelley Giglio, what an honor to have you write the foreword for this book. It was so fitting since God captured my heart all those years ago at the Passion Conference.
Thank you, podcast listeners, for showing up every single week and inviting your friends to join us! Thank you to every single lady who has joined me on the show. The conversations I have had over the past years have changed me for the better.
To my immediate family: You lived this story, and you never for one moment thought less of me or were embarrassed by me. Thank you for your faithfulness toward Jesus and toward me as your daughter and sister.
My sweet children, Cayden, Amos, Deacon, and Story: People have asked me if I'm worried about what you will think when you read this story. I'm not worried one single bit, because I'm confident that you, too, will see a God who will go to great lengths for His children. The story of God's redemption on my life is nothing to be embarrassed about. I pray that God will capture your attention and hearts young and you will never let go. He's worth it. I promise!
Aaron, you have cheered me on since the day we met. There's not one person who loves me more, believes in me more, or desires bigger things for my life more than you do. You knew this book would happen before I ever believed that it would. Thanks for being my biggest fan!
I'm beyond thankful to the God of the universe who spoke all of this into existence. He has pursued me and loved me in ways I will never comprehend. He put a song in my heart, and I won't stop singing it. Jesus truly is better.
Foreword
{
Freedom.
What a powerful word.
I was thinking today about a white flag. Every picture and analogy of a white flag has the appearance and smell of defeat; one where your heart is broken that the sacrifice you know they paid, and the pursuit you feel like they must have been called to and believed in, all evaporates in the raising of the white flag. We quit. We give up. You win.
Or do we?
One of the values I love most in the pursuit of Jesus is that a white flag doesn't signify defeat—just surrender.
What I love about the kingdom of God is that it is truly upside down. All the normal is abnormal. All the natural is supernatural. The ordinary is extraordinary.
More is less and less is more. Eternal is significant; here and now is fleeting.
Freedom is a powerful word. It turns out that in our raising the white flag over our life, what we actually experience instead of defeat is victory. This is the kingdom of God. This is holy mystery. This is following Jesus. In surrender, we take part in His eternal, lasting victory.
In this book, Jamie tells a "normal" life story of struggle: the belief in lies spoken over her and through her about her own life, which resulted in an existence far less than what she deserved or was promised. Where Jamie's story becomes supernatural is when she places her life in God's hands; when she awakens to the fact that her life is actually not her own. That's when multiplication/transcendence occurs. That's when the kingdom theory of upside-down takes over. Her life becomes extraordinary and more profound and further-reaching than she could have ever expected, all because she raised her own white flag. You and I have the same opportunity in our lives.
Jamie's story moves from a story, a telling . . . to testifying. I hear it said a lot that everyone has a story. I often hear people repeat that every wound and scar in your life becomes a part of your story, and that as humans, we spend too much time covering our scars instead of using them as an opportunity to tell our story. I love all of this, and I agree. Nothing in our life is wasted. Nothing. However, these stories can often lack authentic power to me. Somehow in the telling, we miss the testifying. We can focus on the scars, instead of on the Savior whose scars healed and freed us.
See, it's not enough that we've made it through our trials. It's not enough that we just lived to tell a story, although for many of us that is miraculous. It's only enough when we tell of the power and redemption of God through our story. Our lives become radiant when we can't help but declare what the Lord has done. Jamie isn't just normal; she's abnormal, because God is in her story. And her ability to preach freedom through her story is compelling!
See, you and I and Jamie all have something deeply in common. We all long to be free.
For me, it's only in recent days that some of that freedom has truly come. As I continue to pursue Jesus, He continues to reveal Himself more and more to me. The more I see of Him, the more I can see me clearly. I am not a mix of seeming mistakes; I am actually designed this way. I am not here to play a role; I'm here as a loved child. I am not just a pastor's wife; I'm actually chosen as Jesus' bride too. I actually encourage and dare you to lean into Jesus and the truth of His Word.
When you read Jamie's testimony of how this occurred to her, I promise you will begin to believe it can be a possibility for you too. You, too, can discover the truth, and that truth can set you free. Maybe it's time for you to truly surrender, and Jamie will help you lift your own weighty white flag.
I can't wait to see what you experience in the pages ahead.
I love Jamie, and you will too. Freedom is contagious, and you're about to catch the best infection.
Shelley Giglio
Introduction
From Failure to Freedom
{
I've wanted to write this book for more than ten years now.
But I wasn't free to do it.
Too busy? Yes. And no. But I'm not even talking about that kind of freedom. (Freedom for a mother of four is sort of a relative term anyway, as far as having any time to herself goes. I'll catch up when I'm fifty. Or eighty.)
What I'm saying is that it's taken me a while to experience and taste what I'd call real freedom. To own the story of how Jesus chased me down and rescued me. And how even today He continues to pursue me, and to work with me, and never seems to grow tired of me or frustrated with me, or with the lengths I've required Him to go in getting through to me and molding me into someone who, I hope, is starting to look more and more like Him.
Ten years ago, I was still too fragile to talk about it. I was still believing so many lies about myself. I was still wearing so many labels, convinced they were all 100 percent true about me. In some ways, I'm just now starting to trust that what His Word says about me is far more important than what anyone else might say or think about me.
My journey to freedom has been a long one. And a hard one.
And I guess that's why I feel so passionate now about sharing my story with you . . . because what I've found is that if I'd been willing to grab hold of freedom, at any point in my journey, it was right there, all along. The freedom of believing that God is bigger—always bigger—than anything we've ever done and any place we've ever failed, was offered to me at every step. All I needed to do was take it. Believe it. Toss everything else out—all the shame and guilt and fear—and just walk on ahead with Him.
The real freedom.
But I couldn't seem to do it. Couldn't allow myself to trust Him. Couldn't accept that I was actually that forgiven. Couldn't believe He really meant it. And so I stayed stuck in that place of unbelief, certain I was a failure. When in reality I was completely loved and understood and constantly offered something better than what I was living. That longing for freedom deep in me has been there all along.
I don't know about you, but I talk to enough women today to know that this is a place where many of us are living. Trapped in our past. Hidden deep inside our secrets. Defeated by our struggles. The sum total of our depressing parts. Pretending, not empowered. Fake, not free.
And if that's you, I'm here to tell you this . . . you don't have to stay there. You don't need ten more years like I did to figure it out, to pay for what you've done, to heal enough so that one day you might finally experience the freedom that you see shine from those you admire so much.
You don't need to wait any longer on your freedom.
A young man we'd recently met was over at our house one night. I was out of town, but my husband, Aaron, who'd been helping this guy get into a program to start earning his GED, had invited him over to study and to help him fill out some of his paperwork.
Let's call him Easton. I always said that if I had another son, I'd want to name him Easton, and since the Ivey shop is closed, we'll use that name here. Easton.
He'd had a rough life up to that point. Both of his parents had died, and he ended up being raised by his older brothers who had no intention of pouring into his life or teaching him what it meant to be a man. As a result, he spent a lot of time alone, forced to figure out his own way.
And we all know what happens when that happens. He found other people who would love him and care for him. The only problem was that they were more interested in selling him drugs than anything else. Pretty soon, his life began to look just like that of his older brothers, which was the only life he really knew. Some of us go looking for sin; Easton's sin came looking for him.
So, by the age of fourteen, he was already doing drugs, selling drugs, and basically sleeping wherever he landed at the end of the day. His world became so small, enslaved to an addictive, destructive lifestyle.
Then a Christian family interrupted his tragic world, and he began to live with them and go to church with them. Slowly but surely, he began to discover another way to live. The adults in his life were modeling unconditional love toward him. For the first time, he was living around a healthy marriage and caring parent figures in the home. He eventually got a job and began to work to save for a car. Life began to change for him. He was beginning to find freedom from the lifestyle he'd been accustomed to living.
But change comes hard.
We can still find ourselves resisting what freedom offers.
Aaron was working with Easton and simultaneously keeping an eye on our children, when at some point in the evening, a storm rolled in. Rain began hammering the windows. Noise, wind, lightning, the whole bit. A big, crazy, Texas thunderstorm.
What you need to know about our neighborhood is that whenever a storm comes in—especially a quick one, like that—all the roads flood. What's more, there's only one way in and one way out, which means if you're Easton hanging around on a night when a heavy rain starts up, you're not going anywhere for a while. In fact, when the rain kept falling with no end in sight, Aaron informed him that he was now part of the family and might as well make it a sleepover.
Having an extra person spend the night at our house is not all that uncommon for us, so Aaron knew exactly what to do. Once they finished up the stuff they were working on, he made Easton a bed in the game room, tucked him in, and left to go get everybody else settled down as well. (Okay, I'm most certain he didn't "tuck in" an eighteen-year-old, but I can't help but think a boy whose parents had died so many years ago might actually appreciate being tucked in at night. So I'm saying Aaron tucked him in, whether he did or not. Which I'm most certain he did not.)
Apparently, the storm stayed pretty crazy through the night; kids ran to our bed, where Aaron was sleeping, asking him if they were all going to die. (We might be a bit dramatic in our family, but whatever.) He returned all the scared Ivey kids back to their beds, but he decided, before going back to bed himself, to go check on his guest.
You won't believe what he found.
Easton was sleeping, but not on the bed. In fact, the bed was still made up, just like Aaron had left it. Instead, Easton was stretched out on the ground—no pillow, no blanket, nothing to help him be comfortable—sleeping like a baby.
When Aaron saw him the next morning, he mentioned to Easton that he'd popped his head in during the night to see if he was okay, and was hoping he slept all right.
Aaron said, "I couldn't help but noticing," then paused. He continued by asking Easton directly, "How come you didn't sleep in the bed?"
Easton laughed, a little embarrassed. "I don't know, man. I've just slept on the floor so many times in my life, sleeping in a bed still feels weird."
The floor was still his normal. The floor was where he felt most comfortable, accustomed, safest. It's what he knew, and it's what he kept going back to.
Just like us.
We don't always seem to know what's good for us.
Maybe we somehow feel safer doing life the way we've always done it, even if it's done nothing but hurt us. Maybe we're almost scared of trying anything different.
Easton understood this. I understand this, and quite possibly you understand this as well.
You'll hear me talk several times in this book about the ladies I've gotten to know at the women's jail in our county. Meeting with them each week and serving them has been one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. We're mostly there to help them with job training, interview skills, addiction rehab encouragement, and other things they'll need on the outside. But if I'm honest, I'd say we're mostly there to tell them about Jesus and the freedom He offers them.
But I've noticed how talking about freedom in Christ with women who are literally behind bars throws a whole new light on the subject. Most of these women will eventually return to the free world. They'll one day be able to walk out of the jail with all its restrictions and structure and schedule. But to hear them talk about what they expect when they get to taste that freedom . . . they're a little afraid of it.
Oh, don't get me wrong—they are so ready to go back home to their families and their lives. Even little things you and I take for granted are the things in their daydreams. (I once showed up with a cup of ice water from Sonic. The ice nearly put a girl over the edge. She just wanted ice from Sonic again!) But if you listen closely enough, you'll detect a small, underlying fear. Being slaves to their drugs, their abusers, their addictions has been nothing but costly to them. But to think of trying to forge another way of life—even a better one, even a life of complete liberation from what's bound them and harmed them and cost them everything—is a bit frightening. Because it's so unfamiliar.
They know how to live their old way.
But this new way—freedom—they strangely wonder if they're up for it.
Although it's really not that strange at all. It's exactly what you and I have spent way too much of our lives doing. Living in the old way because it's comfortable, scared of the freedom that Christ has to offer us.
Freedom is waiting for my friends who are currently in jail, just like it's waiting for us who currently do not believe it could be for us.
Even without the black-and-white jumpsuit, we all struggle to be free.
Yet it all goes back to our stories . . . stories that, at first glance, don't feel like they've got any potential freedom at all written inside them. Stories of stupid mistakes. Stories of heartbreaking loss. Stories of glaring failures. Stories of embarrassing, confusing misdirection. Stories we don't always like to tell. Stories we swear we'll never tell.
But the thing that's so unclear about them is that our stories themselves are not what's actually keeping us from being as free as we wish. When seen through the eyes of the gospel, our stories are not obstacles to our freedom; they are actually the key to unlocking it.
And that's what I hope to show you in this book. That's what I hope you'll begin to experience right along with me . . . not ten years from now, but right now.
I believe stories change the world. It's why I want to share my story with you so badly, even though for much of my life I wanted no one to know my story. But I've discovered something: it's by owning and revealing this story that God shines light through me on His Son, Jesus. It's by owning and revealing your story that God can shine light on Jesus through you as well. It's by owning and revealing our stories—no longer succumbing to shame because of them, but surrendering to God's promises of what He can do with them—that we begin to experience freedom in every beautiful sense of the word.
I know it sounds crazy—crazy scary—but it's true.
I've seen it happen. With a story. With my story.
The Bible is in many ways a whole book of stories. God could've chosen to make it nothing but rules, nothing but lecture, nothing but "sit down and take notes," nothing but "drill these concepts into your head." And yet He chose to largely communicate His truth and nature and love and power through the lens of real-life story.
If you grew up in church, you could probably tell me your top ten Bible stories without even hesitating. You wouldn't even wonder if you could come up with ten, but would wonder how to pick the top ten out of the enormous number of stories you've heard and read in your lifetime. You might remember flannel boards and Vacation Bible School, maybe even Backyard Bible Club, where you saw some of these stories come to life for the first time. But if you have no idea what any of these things are, trust me when I tell you—the Bible is full of stories of people just like you and me.
Here are my personal top ten Bible stories:
1. Jesus and the woman caught in adultery (Because, oh my gracious, do I feel like her a lot!)
2. Esther becoming queen (What little girl doesn't love this story?)
3. Mary talking to Elizabeth after she found out she was pregnant with Jesus (Can you even imagine? Virgin? Pregnant? The SON OF GOD in your belly? No space in my brain for this.)
4. Isaac blessing Jacob instead of Esau (Oh, that sneaky Jacob!)
5. Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (What an amazing thing to do for your friend!)
6. Martha and Mary cleaning and serving (And how we're constantly asked today if we're a Mary or a Martha.)
7. Sarah laughing at the promise of a child (Nobody should ever laugh at God!)
8. Daniel in the lions' den (We've seen the lions at the zoo, and no one wants to fall in there!)
9. David beating Goliath (Because doesn't the whole world feel like Goliath sometimes?)
10. Ruth and Naomi sticking together ("Where you go, I will go" . . . Oh, the love in this story. BFFs for life!)
The Bible is jam-packed with great stories—stories of real people who really walked on this same real earth we walk on. They had good days and bad days. They loved people and disappointed people. The women had emotions, and hormones, and periods that probably came on with a vengeance and made them crazy for (at least) three days every month. They most definitely had kids who wouldn't sleep through the night when all their other friends' kids would. The men had egos, and pride, and wanted to punch something when they were mad. (Who am I kidding, the women probably did too—right?!) The stories in the Bible showcase great decisions being made, like when Mary humbly trusted God with an unbelievable secret. And then they show us a lot of poor decisions being made, like . . . good gracious, Peter, did you really need to cut the man's ear off?
But if I was forced to pick another story as one of my alternate favorites, it might be the one at the end of the book of Joshua, where this heroic leader of Israel reminded the people what God had done for them.
Following the death of Moses, God had chosen Joshua to guide the people's conquest of the Promised Land. And not long before his death, Joshua brought all the tribes together with all their leaders and spoke the words of God to them, laying out the whole time line of their history in brief detail. He started with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, followed by their descent into slavery in Egypt. After this came Moses, of course, who led the people out of bondage and across the Red Sea into safety, followed by forty years in the wilderness before finally experiencing their promised victories in Canaan.
But let's be honest. If you know your Old Testament history, you know that not all of their days had been good days. A lot of Israel's history had been littered with fear and failure, with pettiness and forgetfulness, with pain and loss. The Bible, as part of the proof of its authenticity, doesn't bang the drum for how unbelievably perfect the nation of Israel was, these people God had chosen to be known by His name. Truth is, they fell down an awful lot. And the Bible is hardly shy about telling it. It's not always a pretty picture.
But as Joshua finished his speech, he took a large stone and set it up for all the people to see. In view of everything God had done, despite their many flaws in the execution, they were making a fresh commitment to follow Him with all their heart and soul. This stone of remembrance was a reminder that their God had been faithful to them throughout their entire lifetimes, and they had promised here in Joshua's final official act to choose the Lord over all the false gods of their past and all the gods of their surrounding culture.
Because, see, more than anything, these stories from the Bible, just like the stories from our own lives, are not the stories of failure. They are the stories of God's faithfulness. When you look at your own story, maybe all you can see are the goof-ups, the mess-ups, the things you're afraid of ever bringing up, even the parts that happened this week or this morning or five minutes before you started reading this chapter today. But if you'd turn your head to look at your story just a little bit differently, you'd see it's actually the record of a faithful God, willing His unwilling child to return to Him, loving you through all your unloveliness. His pursuit of you is simply unavoidable. And His desire is to set you free by His power to forgive, to put you to great use for Him.
The sooner we start looking at our lives and our stories in this clearer way, through the lens of a God who has been and will be faithful to us, that's how much sooner we'll be on the path to freedom. Wouldn't you just love that?
I think sometimes we go through life so fast that we forget all the ways God has been faithful to us—all of the ways our story has twisted and turned for the good and the bad, and yet He was always there, always with a plan for every roller-coaster ride we felt we were on.
That's what this book is for me: my roller-coaster ride. And I'm asking you to get in the cart with me—seeing your story through my story. This isn't just a book about Jamie, because, for the love!, I would never expect anyone to buy a book just for that. It's a book about God and His passionate, relentless pursuit of His people. I've written it for all of us as a reminder of what great lengths our Father will go to bring His children into His family, and then to keep loving us, even in those times when we hardly act like one of His daughters.
I'm not the first to share my story in a book, and I won't be the last. But my hope and prayer for you is that as you read these words, you'll find yourself in them. I pray you'll look deep into your soul and see the things you're afraid of sharing, and you'll offer them to the world as your testimony of redemption and hope. Because if you are a follower of Jesus, then God is using your whole life—the good, the bad, and the ugly—to bring Himself glory.
Let's offer our stories to those around us as a beacon of hope, so that even in seeing how severely messed up we've been and can sometimes still be, they'll see the One who willingly sacrificed His own Son for sinners just like you and me. Let's not be afraid of showing how much saving we need. Let's show them, through our need, the greatness of our Savior.
Chapter 1
Permission to Be Real
{
If the table in our backyard could talk, it would share some of the best stories.
Our friend Steven made this table for us. It fits six on a regular night and, don't worry, we can fit eight around when needed. The wood is worn now. There are places where years of wear and tear have chipped away at its surface. The chairs that go around it are a bunch of ragtag rescues from Goodwill. Nothing fancy, and nothing matching.
We call it our Commonfolk Table.
And for a while it was the only table in our backyard, which meant just about everything we did back there happened around it. Steven always says, "A shared table is a shared life," and, gosh, is he right about that.
We've held so many celebrations around that table. We hosted an engagement party for our friends Brett and Lindsey around that table. When our friend Drew proposed to his girlfriend, he did it in our backyard at that table. When we rejoiced over the coming arrival of baby Norah with her parents, Kyle and Annie, it happened at that table. I don't know how many family dinners and Fourth of July parties have centered around that table, but more than I could even begin to count. We've also broken the bread of Communion many times around that table.
I truly love that table.
But we've also mourned and lamented around that table. Tears have been shed around that table. We've sat around that table while one of our dear friends confessed their sexual sin to us. We've sat around that table with other parents, trying to figure out how to raise our kids well. Aaron and his friends have invested many long discussions around that table, talking into the wee hours of the night about all the world's problems.
There's just something about that table. It has a way of making you feel at home, making you feel welcome, making you feel safe.
But I guess of all the eventful moments we've spent around that table, one of them stands out in my memory—a night when Aaron and I were talking there with my dad. I'm certain the kids were already sound asleep in their beds, and my mom was either doing our laundry or doing the dishes inside the house. (Thanks, Mom!) And on this particular evening, the longer we sat there, our discussion started moving toward things that mattered. Not just the latest coaching debacle at the University of Texas or one of my dad's recent golfing adventures, but real-life talk. The kind of talk that makes you lean in closer to each other, truly listening, not just to the words people are speaking, but to what their heart is actually saying.
We were thinking back. We were reminiscing. About me. What I'd been through. What I'd struggled with. And while some dads might still have a knack for holding grudges over what their kids' troubles have cost them and put them through, my dad that night—for whatever reason—was feeling the weight of his own responsibility. "I think we messed up some in raising you, Jamie. I think I could've done better."
My dad can never talk about anything serious without crying. So as I saw his eyes beginning to fill with tears, mine did too. I grabbed his hand and assured him, "No, Dad, it's not your fault. I made my own choices. I walked my own road. No one pushed me or pulled me in the directions I went. My choices were my choices."
I mean, sure, like all parents, they could've done things differently. Like the time when they discovered a boy in my room in the middle of the night. They probably should have punished me a bit more harshly and taken it more seriously. True, they grounded me. Which meant I had to miss the Sadie Hawkins dance that year. Which is pure tragedy for a junior in high school. To make it even worse, my friends and I had designed a T-shirt for the dance with all our names on the back. How was I supposed to explain why my name was on the back of a T-shirt for an event I couldn't even go to? Oh, the stresses of eleventh grade!
Or like the night when I arrived home later than my curfew and parked my car just a little too close to the garage door. Well, a lot too close actually, because my front bumper put a big dent in it, and I wasn't even aware I'd done it. Maybe if they'd assumed the worst, they might have discovered I'd been drinking that night and had driven myself home. Heaven knows I could've caused more damage than just a dent in a garage door, and pulling me off the road entirely for a while wouldn't have been the worst idea in the world.
I'll come back to this high school stretch of my life later in the book, but know for now that even though I was a "good girl" in the eyes of most people, I was also rebelling against my parents and the rules they'd placed on me—rules, I might add, that were completely normal and necessary for a teenager—a fact I realize even more now that I'm a momma myself!
So the truth is still the truth: My parents weren't responsible for my actions. I was.
But Dad was in a reflective mood that night. He was hurting. Searching for answers. Trying to make sense of things, the way middle-aged people often do when they look back on their life. He was trying to say he was sorry. He was trying to say, "I love you." He was trying to deal with the parts of his life that made him feel regretful, made him feel sad, where he couldn't help but think he'd failed.
In fact, this whole subject got him thinking about his own father and what had happened the day before he died years earlier. He'd never told me this story before because, if he had, I couldn't possibly have forgotten it.
He started sharing how his sister had called to say their seriously ill father was stirring and asking to speak to him. "I'm going to put him on the phone, all right?" This was the man, my grandfather, who was the kind of man who could watch his son go three-for-four in a baseball game (meaning, if you're not too baseball savvy, he had three hits out of his four times at bat) and somehow only find the words to be critical of his one strikeout. This was the man, my grandfather, who withheld approval from his son no matter how actively my dad sought it.
But with his body failing in his final hours on the earth, he whispered the words my dad had longed to hear his entire lifetime—I love you. Words that I say to my kids so often, I barely even notice I'm saying them, they're so automatic. Not until that day had he been told what every child should be told every day. In my grandfather's own way, he was owning his failure. He was saying I'm sorry. He was trying to be free.
In the days following this conversation around our beloved backyard table, I began to think about the various ways we each try to handle our failures, or even what we perceive as failures. My grandfather had failed throughout his life to express affection to his son. My dad, though not actually to blame for the mistakes I made as his daughter, carried around with him a secret sadness of failure that could still haunt him to tears without warning. And even I, right here in the middle of parenting our four young kids—and doing my dang best at it—am making so many mistakes at this gig. As much as I enjoy it, raising humans is the hardest thing I've ever done. Put it together with all the rest of the stuff in my life where I know I've messed up, and I don't need any help going to bed at night feeling like a failure.
And if that's you too—if you feel like a failure, whether at parenting or marriage or friendship or just generally at life, either because of stuff you're doing today or stuff that's happened in the past—I want you to hear what I reminded my dad that night. All of us fail. All of us need a Savior. And God is in the business of redeeming our stories so that He will get all glory, not only from our successes, but also from our failures. He wants us to be free.
My story includes a lot of failure. But in reality, it's a story of redemption. It's a story of the Father weaving events together in my life to bring me closer to Him. It's a story of Him redeeming me, not only from big, bad, scary sins, but also from "little" sins I'd characterized as normal, everyday stuff. (I'm not saying there's anything "normal" about sin; I'm saying we tend to label sins as bigger and smaller.) It's a story of being rescued from what my disobedience had done. It's a story of a girl receiving God's grace . . . like your story is.
I'll never forget the first time I told a friend all the parts of my story I was so ashamed of—the parts of my story that made me feel so utterly alone and embarrassed.
At that point, I could count the number of people on one hand who knew all the stories from my most difficult seasons of life. Every time I started to get the courage to tell someone the things I'd been through and the ways God had shown up, I would grow so timid. I was certain no one could possibly understand what I'd endured because of my poor choices. I always dreaded they would think less of me after hearing where I'd been in my past. Would they only see me for what I'd done, not for what Jesus had done in me? What if they looked at me the same exact way I once looked at myself? What if? What if? What if? I lived in a constant fear of "if they only knew." Because if others knew everything about me . . . I was sure they wouldn't like it.
But maybe my friend Maris would be different.
Maris was actually a new friend, but I had this feeling she would be around for a while. We both lived in the Nashville area, and she was dating Steven (the same Steven who built our Commonfolk Table), who was in Aaron's band at the time. We all knew they would get married someday, and I envisioned us being friends forever, which I'm happy to say we still are.
But before I started to open up with her, I laid the groundwork first. I prepped her for what she was about to hear as if I had spent time in the mafia, sold government secrets, or been a target of FBI surveillance. Cloak-and-dagger stuff. By the time I had set up my story, I think she was actually a bit relieved (or maybe disappointed!) that I hadn't done jail time, lived under a code name, or resurfaced as part of a witness protection program. Although I wouldn't put any of those past me!
Still, I had done some awful things in my life. And as we sat together in the living room of my 1940s-era house, while my baby napped in the other room, I shared it all. Really hard things. I had never laid all my cards on the table in front of someone like that.
You wouldn't believe what happened next.
As soon as the words had finally escaped my mouth, my instant impression was a sudden sense of relief. I had done it. I had shared my story, out loud, with a real friend, and . . . you know what? It actually felt good to get it all out.
It helped, of course, that I'd been right about Maris. She gave me permission to be real with her. Although she didn't say those exact words, she was willing to listen to what I said, no matter what I was going to say. As I poured out my heart to her, she listened. She didn't try to fix me with canned advice, and she reaffirmed all the things she'd seen God do in my life, even in the short time she'd known me. Her permission that day to be real with her was life-giving to me as a friend. (I'm going to talk a lot more about this subject in chapter 8—about how to be the friend who's listening, not just the one who's telling—but for now, a big shout-out to my friend of many years now who allowed me to be open with her about my struggles, and even in seeing my mess, made me feel loved, honored, and important in her world.)
Another thing I should tell you is I learned something profoundly beautiful that day—something that may surprise you. It's this: our stories are not really as unique as we think. The more I've told of my story through the years, I've discovered my struggles are actually quite common. But because we're all so uncomfortable talking about those struggles—or even hearing about them—we walk around with this idea that no one's ever done what we've done, ever felt what we've felt, ever thought what we've thought, ever said what we've said.
This is simply not true.
I'd been scared of my story for years because I assumed no one else had battled what I'd battled. But except for the specific details, many others have fought and lost to the same things—if not those things, then other things of equal weight in their heart and mind. Think of how much unnecessary anguish and self-torment we've endured, as well as how much freedom we've forgone, from seeing ourselves as the only one. When we're not. We're just not.
But I believed the lies that said I was. I believed the lies that said I was forever defined by my story. I believed the lies that said I couldn't afford to open up. I believed the lies that said all the labels I'd assigned to myself were mine to bear, not to be free of.
And nobody, I thought, could ever take those lies away from me.
Remember the book The Scarlet Letter that you were most likely supposed to read in high school? I say "supposed to read" in case you were like me and hardly read any of the books you were "supposed to read." (You'll be proud to know, Mrs. Kelley, I've since read many of the books you said I was "supposed to read" in high school!) The main character in this novel is Hester Prynne, who was caught in adultery and forced to pin the letter "A" to her chest every day. Adulterer. The community had branded her this way so that everyone would always know what she had done. She could never escape her past.
I've always felt as though I understood this fictional woman because of seasons in my life when I've imagined a similar letter pinned to my chest. I often felt as though the only thing people would ever see in me—if they only knew—would be the letters I knew were invisibly attached there.
Some days I would pin an "F" to my chest. Fake. This whole "loving Jesus" thing couldn't possibly be true for a woman like me who'd spent so many years running from Him, disappointing Him, and acting as if He meant nothing to me.
Other days I would pin a "W" on my chest. Whore. What kind of girl sleeps around and then thinks she can follow Jesus and be committed to one man for the rest of her life? Surely everyone would think the same thing of me as well.
Many days I would pin a "U" on my chest. Used. I assumed this would be my label forever. Because that's what I was. Early in my marriage, I assumed everyone thought this about me and pitied my husband for ending up with a woman who was so tarnished. "He deserved better," I imagined them saying as they watched me walk into the church . . . with a "U" pinned so obviously on my dress.
Not until years later did I begin to realize that the only one obsessively focused on all these letters was me. This subconscious pinning ritual I went through every morning, walking around and thinking everyone else was seeing what I was wearing, was as private as my pain. It was a sick game I was playing. Full of guilt and shame, I was the one who demanded I wear those labels. No one was pinning them on me each day except myself.
I'm guessing this might be the same for you. You get up every day, and you pin a letter on your shirt to define who you think you are, then you walk around with that letter as though wearing it is your job. You think you own that letter, but the truth is, it owns you. You make the choice every day to allow it to define you.
"A" for addict.
"C" for cutter.
"U" for ugly.
"D" for depressed.
"F" for failure.
"L" for loser.
"M" for monster.
"W" for worthless.
"T" for terrible at everything.
You pin that letter on your chest as if it's your true identity, when in fact those pins were never meant to be worn for the rest of your life. They are not who you are.
The day I shared my story with Maris, I felt as though I was taking off all my letters and laying them in front of her. I was inviting her into my pinning ritual, even while fearing the whole time that she might only validate my letters as being true. I feared she'd be surprised by all the letters I owned, or embarrassed to have a friend with so many letters to choose from each morning. I feared she'd agree that, yes, I did need to keep pinning them on my chest every single day because they indeed represented the words that define me.
That's what we're afraid of, isn't it? We fear that telling someone our story will only make things worse. Even if they're nice to our face, they'll drive home with the shock and surprise still hitting them, still mentally processing it . . . then they'll tell their husbands or other friends . . . then everyone will know all our letters, and they'll know they're all true. We fear that's what they'll think of us from now on because it's surely what God thinks about us too.
But those are the letters we've drawn up. And they don't match up with God's letters. When we spend our days living in fear of what the world would think of us, if they really knew us, we haven't yet believed and trusted the truths He says about us.
If you're a follower of Christ, you've had a conversion experience. Once you were dead in your sin, and then God called you by name, justified you, put His righteousness on you, and made you His child. That's the beauty of the gospel.
There are moments when I can't even wrap my brain around this concept, and yet . . . there it is. Thank goodness we don't need to completely understand it in order to completely receive it and completely live it.
There's a particular conversion story described in the Bible that I simply can't get enough of. Every single story of someone following Jesus is worth rejoicing over, but there's something truly amazing about someone who used to kill Christians and then actually became one himself. Doesn't make a lot of sense, right?! Movie-worthy, for sure.
His name was Saul. (You've probably heard of him.) The first time we see his name in the Bible is when the self-righteous defenders of God were stoning a man named Stephen for daring to say that Jesus was the Son of God who'd come in fulfillment of the Scriptures these people claimed to believe. They "laid down their garments at the feet of a young man named Saul" (Acts 7:58) since they had no doubt "Saul approved of his execution" (Acts 8:1). Saul was known as someone who was "ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison" (Acts 8:3).
Listen, Saul wasn't playing around with persecuting Christian believers. He wasn't the kind of guy you'd want to invite over for dinner! And definitely not the kind of person you'd imagine would one day put himself at constant risk by defending the church with his life and boldly declaring his belief in Jesus Christ—the kind of man who would end up writing more books of our New Testament than anyone else. Because let me remind you, HE WAS KILLING CHRISTIANS.
But as God often does, He interrupted Saul's life. He revealed Himself to him while Saul was literally on the way to find "any men and women who belonged to the Way" (a common name for early Christians), so that "he might bring them bound to Jerusalem" (Acts 9:2). One day he was killing Christians, and soon thereafter he was preaching the gospel of Jesus to those around him. The change was so dramatic, he even took a new name. The imprisoning Saul became the apostle Paul.
Let's take a second here and imagine the pinning process that Paul the Christian might have gone through each morning when he was putting on his cloak each day and fastening his sandals on his feet. We'll mention just the big one—"M" for murderer. Because, remember, HE KILLED CHRISTIANS.
Even a tough guy like Paul must have wrestled with these memories from his past. He must have wished a million times he'd never done the kinds of horrible things he'd been guilty of committing. Part of him must have loved nothing better than sweeping it all under the rug and never talking about it, imagining how much more freely he could share and minister God's love if he hadn't maligned and misunderstood it for so much of his life.
And yet his story actually set the table for the message he was declaring. His story gave the living-proof evidence of the salvation he was trying to put into words. I mean, look, his words are still ministering to us thousands of years after he wrote them! If he hadn't been willing to offer up his whole life as a witness to God's grace, someone else would have needed to do it. This was God's plan for what He wanted to do through Paul, and he was not afraid to embrace it.
This is why I love Paul so much. His story is what makes me believe that no one is immune to the love of God through Christ. No one. Not you. Not me. Not the woman who drove drunk and killed a family. Not your neighbor who's addicted to pain pills. Not the man down the street who drove his wife away by his constant abuse. Not the member of ISIS who's killing Christians. Not the woman who's undergone numerous abortions. Not the couple who've both cheated on each other and disgraced their marriage. Not the girl who sleeps around with anyone who'll have her. No one is too far gone to be rescued by the love and grace of God.
And while sin does come with consequences—none greater than the consequence of Jesus Christ willingly suffering death in our place on a bloody cross—salvation comes with a new identity. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come" (2 Cor. 5:17).
So when God said, "Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel" (Acts 9:15), and he has been killing Christians, we can believe that God can say those things about us, no matter what we have done. God can look at you and me—and at all our sins and rebellion He's overcome in us—and see us, too, as instruments in His hand for whatever purpose He's chosen us to be and become.
We are not our letters anymore.
We belong to a new Storyteller.
You may be thinking, What does that even mean? I'm so glad you asked! I'll tell you both what it does mean and what it doesn't mean. It doesn't mean our stories go away. In Paul's case, since his cruel reputation was so public, he could hardly avoid the scrutiny of it. Whenever he showed up in a synagogue, the stories of his previous lifestyle had already preceded him. And yet he deliberately chose to own it, not excuse it, throughout the unfolding of Scripture. That's because his story, like our story, is a representation of the gospel. Despite the enormity of Paul's sin, God had reached out and grabbed him and turned his life upside down. God hadn't erased his story; He had actually authored it for a purpose. An unbelievably glorious purpose.
We can learn a thing or two from Paul about being real with people. He knew what was at stake when sharing the struggles of his past with the people he lived and worked around. In his letter to the Galatians, he used his story to remind them just how real and undeniable the gospel of Jesus truly is. By reminding them what he'd done in his "former life," how he'd "persecuted the church of God violently and tried to destroy it" (Gal. 1:13), he was laying all his cards on the table. No guesswork was needed for seeing exactly who Paul had been. But he did it for one overarching reason. When people kept hearing how "he who used to persecute us is now preaching the faith he once tried to destroy," here's what happened: "They glorified God because of me" (Gal. 1:23–24).
They glorified God because of me.
The first time I read this, I choked up. "They glorified God because of me," he said—not just the new Paul, but the old one. ALL OF HIM. God wasn't limited to getting glory from what Paul had finally become; He also received glory from what He'd done with the poor choices Paul had made all along. God had chosen Paul to be a vessel of the gospel before the beginning of time. Nothing that Paul said or did was a surprise to God, yet it was all being used to bring God glory. All of it.
Paul knew something I'm slowly starting to realize as I follow Jesus more and learn to trust His words to be true. He knew and believed that God was bigger than his past. Instead of being held back by his failures, he was pushed forward to continue proclaiming the truth of the gospel, even in how it was fleshed out through his own indefensible mistakes.
Wow, this is such good news for us. You and I can do this too! Because if God could use a man with a past like Paul's, then surely He can use us as well. If God could love a man who killed people who were following Jesus, then surely He can love us as well. If God could allow a murderer to do amazing things for His kingdom, then surely He can use us for His glory as well. We can own our story because it's actually a testimony to the Good News of Jesus, who loves us, pursues us, and saves us in spite of ourselves.
Just as Paul said, "They glorified God because of me," we can say the same thing. We can be people who share our hurts, share our struggles, share our failures, share our stories. And we can trust without a doubt that God will get glory from it . . . from ALL of it.
So just as my friend Maris granted me full permission to be real with her, I'm doing the same for you. I'm giving you permission to let down your guard, to lay down all the pins you've worn on your chest for all these years, and to let God woo you into His love and grace.
If you were sitting around my backyard table with me, and we were chatting, I'd want you to feel as though you were safe, that your story is welcome with me. But since we're meeting instead around the table legs of this book right now, I'm doing the same thing by choosing to go first. I'm going to tell you parts of my story that are sacred and sometimes hard to say out loud because I want you to know you can do that too.
I'm taking off my pins. Every single one of them.
And may God be glorified through what we're doing together.
Chapter 2
Growing Up with God
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Just so you'll know where I'm coming from . . .
My parents didn't really start out doing the whole church thing. My mom grew up Baptist and my dad in the Church of Christ, so after they had kids, they settled on joining the local Methodist church. Split the difference.
On a side note: I adore it when parents who don't go to church start attending when they have kids. Some see them as hypocrites and wonder why they didn't feel the need for it in all those years before their kids showed up, but I see them as sweet parents who want something better for their children. They sense this yearning inside of them (hello, God yearning!) to build a foundation of faith that, even if they're not so sure they believe in it for themselves, they do believe in it for their kids. It's so amazing to see God put desires in parents that could only come from Him. On their own, they couldn't even begin to dream up such a desire.
That's what my parents decided to do. And they were doing just fine and dandy at the Methodist church—if by fine you mean showing up on a semi-regular basis. But they didn't bring much of it home with them. Nothing in their personal lives revealed a love for Jesus. It was mostly an act. And if asked to do anything more than merely attend church, they were out.
Which, again, was sort of working fine for them until my mom actually did start wanting more than she was getting from her current church life.
Thus, she started cheating on the Methodist church by visiting the Baptist church with a friend of hers on Sunday mornings.
Not knocking the Methodists, mind you. It wasn't about a denomination with my mom. It's just that in this case, Jesus began transforming her life through what she was experiencing at a different church. And once that started happening, she knew she'd found her new home.
Only not so much my dad. In fact, with Mom running off to the Baptist church, and my brother and I starting to ask why they now went to different churches, my dad saw an opportunity for not going to church at all. A win-win for both of them.
Now that I'm an adult, I get what it's like to go to different churches. My husband is the worship leader at our church. We moved to Austin for him to work there. But not a year after we'd moved, our church opened a second campus in our neighborhood—so close that we could walk or ride bikes to it if we wanted. In fact, one time we did ride our bikes to church. Let me rephrase that: the kids rode their bikes, and I walked with them. Actually, let me rephrase that again: the three boys rode their bikes, and my daughter, Story, who was around four at the time, sat on her bike, which I pushed most of the way, with her on it. Needless to say, when we finally arrived at church, I was glistening so much, it looked as if the angel of the Lord had descended ON MY FACE.
Well, a few years into our separate church experience, the kids and I were attending the church campus in our neighborhood (because, again, it was so close we could walk there if we wanted), and Aaron was leading worship at the main church campus downtown. On Sunday mornings, our kids began asking if we were going to "Daddy's church" or "Mommy's church" that day. We tried to explain how it was all one church, simply meeting in two places. But the longer we talked, the less traction of understanding we were getting. Pretty soon we were all making the drive downtown again so we could attend "Daddy's church" as a family.
I guess some version of this conversation is what happened in my childhood home, as well, while Mom was sneaking off to the Baptist church with us kids, and Dad either stayed home or worked. I'm certain my mom asked him every Sunday if he would attend church with us, and surely my dad said he was busy with work (or a tee time) . . . until one day he just decided to appease her and go to church with her.
And guess what? My dad met Jesus for the first time that Sunday. His life was instantly changed. He'd been living basically for no one other than himself for years—drinking heavily, doing whatever he wanted. Then God intervened that morning, bringing him face-to-face with his sin and the Savior of the world. For the first time, he realized he needed Jesus.
That's the day that the hope of Jesus truly entered my home. Today my children hear about Jesus in our home, because I heard about Jesus in my home, because my mom and dad heard about Jesus all those years ago.
Beautiful how that works.
So that's how young Jamie "grew up in the church." You know how you hear people say that? "I grew up in the church." Well, that's what I did too.
I guess, when you think about it, it sounds rather weird. But when you remember more days spent at church than you do at your own house, it's pretty true. From the day my dad started following Jesus, an accurate description of my life was that I "grew up in the church." In fact, even though I have an absolutely terrible memory—just last night at dinner, a friend of mine was recounting the first time we met three years ago, and I swear I have no clear recollection of it—I do believe I could actually draw you a map from memory right now of my childhood church home: First Baptist Church of Brownwood, Texas.
I remember the sanctuary with the organ pipes. I remember the balcony where we would sit as kids because we were too cool to sit with our parents during the service. I remember the big doors that opened into the back of the sanctuary—the kind of doors a little girl dreams of walking through in her white dress on her wedding day with her daddy. (I may or may not have imagined that a few times during church!)
Mind if I take you on a little tour?
First, I could take you to the sound booth. At ten years old, I somehow managed to get onto the church's media team, and they stupidly allowed me to run one of the cameras that recorded the worship services. These weren't like the cameras you see today, the kind you can literally hold in the palm of your hand. These cameras looked more like the first computers that were ever built. They were ginormous, with lots of knobs to turn, and a big viewfinder screen that showed you exactly what you were filming. Just like on the evening news. I wore the big, oversized headphones with the microphone-thing to talk into and, basically, I thought I was IT. (This might be where my childhood dream of becoming a TV personality took shape. Actually, who am I kidding? That's still my grown-up dream as well!)
Next, I could take you to the choir room. My friends and I were all in youth choir, which is really funny to me now. There were no tryouts, and clearly they let anyone in, because my musician husband has told me on numerous occasions that I am indeed tone-deaf. Mr. Stanton, the music pastor, would pick us up from school on Wednesdays in the church van and drive us there in time for choir practice. I made him super mad many times when I wasn't waiting at the assigned pickup spot but had wandered over instead to the ice cream shop to get myself a little afternoon snack. I've always kind of done whatever I wanted to do, whenever I wanted to do it—especially when there's food involved!
Oh, and speaking of food, let me take you now to the fellowship hall for Wednesday-night dinner. Can we just stop right here and have a moment of silence for mommas who don't go to churches where they serve Wednesday night dinners? Listen, y'all, when I was growing up in church, dinner was taken care of. Every. Single. Wednesday. Night. Mommas weren't cooking anything on this night. They weren't taking any kids to practice on this night. They were sitting themselves down on this night and eating a supper that SOMEBODY ELSE made for them and their families. Can you even believe that?
But in small towns back then, NOTHING happened on Wednesday nights. It might as well have been the second Sunday in the week: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday Sunday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Parents truly weren't in charge of their kids at all on Wednesday nights, because after dinner we all ran off to either GAs (Girls in Action, a mission-focused program for elementary-age children), RAs (Royal Ambassadors, the boys version of GAs), or if you were really advanced in your faith . . . Bible Drill.
I loved Bible Drill, basically because I love winning at anything. In Bible Drill (let me educate you a little if you didn't grow up in a church like the one I did), all the participants stand in a line, side by side, holding their Bibles at arm's length against one hip, waiting for the leader to call out a particular Bible passage. Once everyone's heard it and the leader says, "Go," the first kid who finds the verse, stabs their finger on it, and steps forward is the winner. What fun!
Oh, man, growing up in church was great. So many moments. So many memories. I remember sitting in Pastor Williford's office, telling him I wanted to follow Jesus and be baptized. I remember the church camp where a girl fell off a wall and broke her arm. I remember Vacation Bible School in the summer. I remember all this church stuff because it was so much of our family's life.
And then, just like that, my life at FBC Brownwood was over.
With only two months left to go in sixth grade, our family moved away from this small town in central Texas, three hundred miles southeast to a suburb of Houston for my dad's new job. You can imagine how hard this was on a sixth-grade girl. All new places. All new people. Nothing the same. Nothing familiar. I was out of my element, needing to learn a new school and neighborhood and what the kids in Houston thought was cool compared to all the old friends I'd known and been around my whole life. It was overwhelming, to say the least.
But of course, one of the first things we did was find a new church, and we fairly seamlessly continued on with our lifestyle of regular church activities.
One of the biggest moments from my early years in this newfound church of ours occurred when a group of traveling evangelists came through town and spent a solid week ministering to our congregation. The team was made up of families from Michigan who went all over the country in RVs, doing presentations at local churches. And with programs on tap each night, geared toward all ages, the youth at our church were spending their afternoons and evenings hanging around these kids who'd descended from the north into southern Texas.
Let me see if I can paint the picture for you. This was early '90s, okay? Each service included a lot of singing. All the kids wore matching suits and dresses. I may be wrong, but I believe they capped off each evening with a rousing rendition of "God Bless America." I'm sure it was all meant as a well-meaning outreach, which I'm sure presented the gospel in ways that got through to a number of people, but . . . to each his own.
As for me, all I knew was this: I was going to marry one of the boys from that group.
From the moment I saw Stephen, I was smitten. He was so cute. And he seemed to love God dearly. I was already at an age where I knew I wanted to love God, pursue Him, and spend my whole life with a man who did the same. And when I looked at Stephen, as much as any seventh grader can know these sorts of things, I felt like he was the kind of guy I wanted to marry.
He was "the one." My Stephen.
Thirteen, and I'd already found him.
But the cut of his suit wasn't all that attracted me to cute Stephen from Michigan. He, along with some of the other kids in his traveling group, had shared how they made a promise to their parents—and to God—not even to kiss another person until they shared their first kiss as husband and wife at the wedding altar. Up until that point, I hadn't yet experienced my first kiss, hadn't felt all the surge of teenage passion generated by that first peck on the lips. And so, true to my extreme, daring nature and my zeal for setting bold, bodacious goals, I was totally on board with the lofty challenge of saving my first kiss for marriage. I mean, how hard could it be for me and Stephen—in our long-distance relationship—to stay committed to this promise while we waited for our big day to arrive? I was fully committed to kiss kissing good-bye.
Yet life moved on after Stephen left town. We did write letters back and forth for a while, but pretty soon the boys who lived a lot closer started noticing me too. And all my dreams of marrying the guy from Michigan who loved God and was saving his first kiss for marriage vanished in the trail of exhaust from their departing RV.
That's sort of what "growing up in the church" can be like—not that it's a bad thing at all. I'm glad my kids are growing up in church. But for me, this infatuation with Stephen sort of signaled the disconnect that was already happening in my heart. Although I'd walked the aisle when I was ten, although I'd declared my desire to give my life to Jesus, although I'd been baptized a few months later and continued to be involved in a lot of church activities, somewhere along the way I lost track of (or possibly never learned) what it really meant to follow God. The disconnect between my heart and my head began to grow immensely. As wide as the Grand Canyon. And all the honors from my Bible Drill days were doing nothing for me now.
You know what I'm talking about? Were you maybe one of those kids too?
Knowing where to find the Sermon on the Mount and truly believing what Jesus meant when He said it are two vastly different things. Spending time at church and living like you are the church are not the same. By high school I was no longer believing that God had something great planned for me. By high school I'd begun to live two vastly different lives—a dance I would continue dancing for years—the dance of knowing things about God and even sharing those things with others, but not truly believing them for myself, not truly giving myself over to God. I thought this life would work for me. I really did. But over the next few years, I would find that knowing about God instead of actually knowing God wasn't enough.
It never is.
Recently my high school graduating class celebrated twenty years since graduation. And while I still can't believe it's been that long ago since I was a teenager, the deep regrets that go back all those years are still able to attack my heart, even at such a distance.
I wonder if you can relate.
Regret is such a harsh word for us. It can bring up emotions in us that can seem hard to understand and accept. Pastor John Piper wrote a sermon about godly regret versus worldly regret, and it helps when I think back on my life before Jesus. He said that there is a regret that leads to shame and humiliation and embarrassment, and one that leads to repentance and salvation. I'm certain you can see which one is the godly regret. Second Corinthians 7:10 says, "For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death." Piper said, "Godly grief, or godly regret, is the uncomfortable feeling of guilt when the Word of God shows you that what you've done is sin and thus has brought reproach on God's name."
That's the kind of regret available to us if we trust it to be true—godly regret. This can and should be part of each of our stories of becoming free. So maybe, instead of talking with you about my regrets from high school and college days, I should talk about how these regrets and grief led me to repentance and ultimately salvation.
I look back on those years and just want to hang my head in shame for the way I represented Jesus and His Good News. I trampled on it! I proclaimed it with my mouth, judged those around me who didn't believe, and then lived for myself with no regard for the God of the universe. I was like the Pharisees in the Bible—so much knowledge and no life-change. Loving the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, and soul wasn't even on my radar.
I was on the leadership team for our school's Fellowship of Christian Athletes, for example, and the whole time, I was drinking heavily and sleeping with my boyfriend. I mean, how fake is that! It's not like I was the only one, but it still wasn't okay. I was in leadership. I was part of an organization with the purpose of championing the gospel, and yet I hadn't been changed by the gospel myself! My life was no different from anyone who didn't claim to know Jesus at all . . . except that I'd grown up in church, and still went to church every Sunday whether I was hung over or not. That's what I built my safety net with—the misconception that since I'd "prayed the prayer," been baptized, regularly attended church, and was what most people considered a relatively good person, I was safe from hell. I was fine. The double life was working out okay for me. I was managing it. And I was safely on God's side in spite of it.
Only I wasn't fine. I was enslaved to my sin. This Jesus I spoke about and sang about was, in reality, a stranger to me. I could tell you stuff about Him, but not about how He'd changed my life. Because He hadn't.
Even my life as a churchgoer was a denial of Jesus.
Our family was recently reading one of the passages in the Gospels where Peter denied Jesus three times on the eve of His crucifixion. My kids were shocked that someone could do that to their best friend, much less when that best friend was Jesus. (Isn't that the kind of sensitivity we all wish we felt toward our sin? That it shocks us? That we're horrified by it?) But as we were reading, I couldn't help but think back to how my own life had once been such a denial of Him. On the outside, I acted like I knew Him, and loved Him, but on the inside, I was purely living for my own self—definitely not following Jesus. And in that moment, hearing my kids' disbelief that a follower of Jesus could ever let their friend down in this way, twenty-year-old memories of pretending to love Jesus easily found their way back to my heart again. With a vengeance. Know the feeling?
Maybe that's your story too.
But it brought to mind another story—one that followed a few weeks later in Peter's life, after Jesus had been resurrected from the dead, before ascending into heaven to be with God the Father. Peter and some of the others had been up before dawn, out on their fishing boat, catching nothing but the wind in their sails. Yet at daybreak, Jesus had called to them from the shoreline, telling them to try casting their nets again, that they might just catch some fish this time. And, boy, did they ever.
At the sight of this miracle, Peter dived right into the water and swam directly to Jesus, who was waiting for them around a charcoal fire, with fish and bread roasting for breakfast in the early-morning light. Does it sound like Jesus was there to berate him? To shame him? To fuel his sense of regret? To condemn Peter for being so unfaithful and disloyal? To tell him what would now be required of him to pay back the debt his sin had accumulated?
No, Jesus had already paid Peter's debt—and your debt, and my debt—days earlier when He died on the cross, and then rose from the dead. He'd forgiven Peter for denying Him, same as He's forgiven me for denying Him too. For though I'd slandered His name by living a life that neglected everything about what following Jesus truly means, He loved me, and called me into a relationship with Him. He forgave my years of thinking that head knowledge alone was sufficient for being saved from my sin. He changed my heart through His self-sacrificing love for me, and my whole life has been transformed by the power of the gospel.
I don't know where I'm catching you today. I don't know if you started following Jesus as a kid and sort of wandered away from Him. I don't know if you're even now still trying to straddle the two boats of a double life. I don't know if you're lashed with regret with no real idea for how to get past it, or maybe not so sure yet that you want to give up what you know to be wrong, even if it hurts on certain days and makes you feel ashamed.
All I really know is that I grew up in church. That was good. But it didn't make me good. Only through receiving Christ's righteousness and being given a new heart by God's grace could anything good ever come out of me. If He hadn't been pursuing me long before I was interested in running after Him, there'd be nothing worth telling of my story.
Today I'm still growing up in the church, learning more and more what it means to truly love Him, to grow even closer to Him. And I hope I'm still growing up in church from now until the day I die.
But this wasn't where my head (or heart) was located twenty years ago.
I still had a lot of growing up to do.
Chapter 3
Stuff Like this Doesn't Happen to Us
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Middle-school Jamie loved God as much as she could. She did the right things and made some big commitments to herself, to God, and to her parents. But looking back at middle-school Jamie today, I'm quite certain those commitments she made were motivated less by being true to her faith and more by how they enabled her to fit in and be noticed by others. Being popular with the cool kids, keeping up appearances, and getting praise from the right people were what really drove her heart. So if committing to keep herself pure made her stand out and get attention from her peers and the adults in her life, then middle-school Jamie was eager to do it.
But in high school, my stand for purity wasn't getting me much attention anymore. Not many boys are lining up to date girls who've committed not to kiss anybody until they're standing at the altar with one. Holding to this stance is a bit drastic to a sixteen-year-old boy, unless you're sweet Stephen from Michigan. And Stephen's motor home caravan had long left Texas by this time. I was now back in the real world, trying to figure out how to do two things at once: stay pure for God while also getting the attention I craved.
And I was discovering these two things might not fit into the same heart.
Because, again, making the commitment not to kiss anyone was easy when I was convinced Stephen and I would one day smooch for the first time after we said, "I do." But the only reason this promise actually meant anything to me was because making it got me attention and praise from a guy. I think a clear sign that you're needing attention from boys is if you'd commit to never kissing one, just so a particular boy would like you.
And if I was willing to go that far, what else would I commit to doing for the attention and affection I might gain from my commitments?
It wasn't long until I found out.
Thinking back to this time in my life brings me so much sorrow—sorrow for the girl I became, sorrow for the children I'm raising. How I wish I'd known my worth to the Father during those years of my life, and how desperately I want my kids to know it themselves—how their Father in heaven adores them and has created them for grand purposes. My heart still aches for highschool Jamie, and for my own children, too, as they grow up and navigate these murky waters of wanting to be known and loved.
At the time, though, I was into making commitments . . . without truly knowing yet why I was making them.
My first big commitment after Stephen came as a freshman in high school when I signed my first True Love Waits card. If you didn't grow up around church in the 1990s, you might never have heard of True Love Waits. But it was a huge international initiative promoting sexual abstinence for teenagers and college students. All the church kids were doing it. Signing the cards, that is.
These calls for commitment were often made at a community-wide rally, if not on a Wednesday night at your local church's youth group time. (Side note again: if you didn't grow up a church kid, I'll do my best to explain our lingo.) "Youth group" is just what you'd think it is—a bunch of teenagers getting together in a structured environment at church. We met on Wednesday nights normally, where we sang for a while until our youth pastor (the staff member responsible for all the youth activities) got up and gave a little sermon. Then we mostly just hung out, which often meant girls on one side of the room and boys on the other, all hoping one day we'd be brave enough to mingle.
But back to True Love Waits and how it was presented at youth group night. Someone usually spoke to the students about the importance of saving yourself for marriage, and then they offered a time for teenagers to respond to this message—the chance to pledge yourself to a life of purity before you were married. (True love waits, see?) And to make your commitment official, they handed out pledge cards that said you were promising before God, as well as your family and friends, your future mate, even your future children, that you would keep yourself sexually abstinent until marriage. You signed the card, and you were good. Committed to the cause. Pledge made.
I believe there was even a True Love Waits day in Washington, DC, one year, where people came and placed their cards in the lawn and made a big hoopla about it. There were other big events, too, like where they stacked the cards to the top of a domed stadium. Several famous people were taking this stand publicly. It wasn't something that was only happening in my city. It was worldwide.
So I remember signing my pledge card that night. I even kept my copy in my Bible so that every time I opened it, usually on Sunday mornings and Wednesday nights, I could see this reminder—my pledge to keep myself pure until my wedding day.
The only problem with this pledge, for me, was that signing a card didn't make me feel any more loved and accepted than I'd felt before I signed it. Nothing changed in my heart. I'm not coming down on the True Love Waits plan, or any other similar program. Obviously, there's value in challenging believers to be true to God's teaching in Scripture. But I put my name on a piece of paper pledging to stay pure, though all the while my constant need for love and acceptance, my need for being known, was raging inside of my heart. All these things were fighting within me. And only one would win—either my pledge to be pure or my heart's longing for love.
Another commitment I made during my early teenage years was with my dad. He took me out one night to a super-nice dinner at the local Olive Garden, and I wore a dress my mom had made for me. Yes, there was a season that my mom made all of my dresses. I giggle about it now, but I actually loved it at the time! I got to pick out my own patterns and fabric—I was basically outsourcing my fashion needs to my mom! It was probably the same one she'd sewn for me to wear to my eighth-grade dance. Except I wasn't allowed to go to the eighth-grade dance—my parents weren't ready for their eighth-grade daughter to do the whole school dance thing! My friend Lindsey, who also wasn't allowed to go to the dance, and I got dates with our dads instead. A double date to a nice restaurant instead of the eighth-grade dance—practically every eighth-grade girl's dream, right?!?!?
But this wasn't that night. It was another night. And on this special date, when it was just him and me, he presented me with a necklace that had a key on it. I have no idea where my dad got this idea because he's not much the "idea kind of guy." Nonetheless, I was now the proud owner of a locket that I wore around my neck with a key on it. This key was to symbolize the key to my heart, and it was meant to stay with me until I was married, when I was supposed to present it to my husband on our wedding night. (Side note: Was I supposed to give him this key right before we had sex for the first time? I'm just gonna say that would be awkward. Or was I supposed to give it to him afterward? As some sort of prize? Even more awkward.)
Yet I was legitimately proud of this necklace and this moment. I truly felt loved by my dad, and I wanted desperately to please him. If only his love had been enough for my heart . . .
Unfortunately, however, I remember the day I broke all of these commitments.
At the time, it seemed as though breaking promises was the only cost of what I was doing—breaking my promise to my youth pastor, breaking my promise to my parents. Not until later did I understand the full weight of why these promises were so important. But in the moment, my commitment to keep myself pure until my wedding night didn't hold the same claim on my heart as everyone around me had hoped it would. That pledge card never stood a chance for me. It didn't make me feel loved, but this tangible boy in front of me did. The locket around my neck didn't make me feel treasured the way I desperately wanted to feel, but this boy did. He convinced me that I was a treasure to him.
He told me I was beautiful, that he loved me.
He said since we loved each other, this was something we could do together. A first for both of us.
It meant something.
It was special.
What we had was special.
We were in love.
In love. In love.
Weren't we?
No. As quickly as we fell "in love," he fell out of love. Just a summer romance for him, but the beginning of a long road for me—giving myself up in hopes of feeling loved in return. A road I would walk for years to come. A road that continued to define me even after I stopped walking it. A road that always left me feeling defeated and empty—unloved, unaccepted—the exact opposite of what I was looking for.
What started that summer before my junior year in high school became my norm for the next five years. And during those five years, I signed two more True Love Waits cards, filing them away in my Bible with the first one—each one a vivid reminder of what my youth pastor and parents wanted for me, although clearly I didn't understand what the big deal was. To me, at that time in my life, what I felt deep inside my heart from these other guys was real—as real as anything had ever been. I can roll my eyes now at high-school romance, at how incomplete that kind of love is, how fake and shallow it is. But as a sixteen-year-old girl, I was convinced I'd found my true love.
I was sure that's what my heart truly needed.
So, I continued the lifestyle of giving myself away to whoever would love me for that moment, all in hopes of feeling loved, desired, complete, and known—though always with the same result after every breakup of feeling unloved again, undesired again, incomplete again, unknown again.
All I wanted now was to feel those things again.
I love having people around my dinner table sharing a fabulous meal and enjoying each other's company. Something about a table full of delicious food brings everyone's guard down a bit, and often you'll get some raw and real experiences if you just ask the right questions.
I ask questions for a living on my podcast, The Happy Hour, but my interest in asking probing questions actually started on a cruise with some friends in 2010. I decided we needed to get the conversation moving around our table, so I facilitated some question-and-answer times. (Just call me cruise ship entertainer Jamie!)
I'm not sure I even remember where this question came from, but I've now asked it more times than I can count to guests around my dinner table at home. It's a simple question. Nothing too hard. No deep thinking needed. And the answer is only one word. Here's the question:
"Would you rather be rich or famous?"
That's it. See, I told you it was simple. But what I love about this question is that deep down, you aren't asking whether someone would rather be Warren Buffet, Oprah Winfrey, or Jennifer Aniston. You're actually just asking, "What drives you?" Is it riches? Recognition? Money? Is it fame? Neither one is better or worse than the other; they're just different. They both have their pitfalls, only different ones. "Would you rather be rich or famous?" That's the question that sparked our conversation on the cruise that night.
My friend Amy said rich.
Her husband, John, also said rich.
My brother, Jordan, and his wife, Kristen, both said rich.
Traci said rich, but her husband, Ryan, said famous.
What would you answer? Rich or famous?
Aaron's answer was famous, and so was mine. Still is today. Every time I'm asked, it's always the same. Famous. Again, I have no desire to be a movie star or a singer. (Actually, that's a lie. I would love to be a singer. Maybe like Carrie Underwood or Martina McBride or even Janet Jackson. If only I wasn't tone-deaf. I let that dream die a long time ago.) But I do desire greatly to be known.
I'm not particularly proud of this desire, but I can't deny it's always been there in my heart. For years, I filled that need with the love I received from boys. And even now, despite having the love of the only boy I ever need, this hole is still there sometimes. I realize the church answer is that Jesus fills that hole; He's the only one who matters—and this is indeed true. But we're human. And this hole seems to show up in my life more often than I would like to admit.
Instagram has confirmed this need in me. At first, I didn't really care how many likes or followers I was getting. No big deal. But then overnight it became a contest. A thousand followers . . . five thousand followers . . . ten thousand followers . . . goodness gracious, I now have twenty-five thousand followers. I'd better give them great pictures then. So they don't leave me. So that my number of followers doesn't start dropping.
So each picture now is crafted for them, not for me. No longer am I creating the family scrapbook I started out to make; now I'm creating the scrapbook my followers are demanding from me. Or at least that's what my heart keeps telling me.
To do whatever it takes. To be known.
My podcast has exposed this need in me as well. I still can't believe I just decided one day in May 2014 to start my own show. I also still can't believe there have been millions of downloads of my show since it started. Does this make me famous? Is this what I wanted? Is my goal each week to create a good show, or do I just want you to know who I am? Some days I'm not sure. The line gets super blurry for me sometimes.
To be known is the constant struggle of the darkest places in my soul. It's embarrassing to admit. But if I was being totally transparent with you, which I am, here's what I'd say:
Hi, my name is Jamie, and I have a super ugly place in my heart. I want to be known so badly that it's crippling sometimes. I thrive off of others' approval. I'm happy if you're happy with me, and I'm sad if you feel like I've let you down.
Oh, and I also feel good when I'm known for something, and feel bad when I'm forgotten about something.
Also, if you don't like me, I'm crushed. (Please say you like me. Please say I'm good at this podcasting, speaking, writing, at being a mother, a wife, a friend . . .)
Is that not awful and exhausting? And yet so many of us live this way. The battle is constantly waging inside of us to be known, even though—without sounding too "churchy" here, I hope—in Jesus we are fully known and loved and accepted. Completely. He can truly satisfy the desires of our hearts, can satisfy each of our underlying needs. His love for us is beyond our understanding, and yet right in front of us all the time.
In fact, let me tell you how far beyond my understanding Jesus' love has become for me. He knows I'm a sinner. He is fully aware of my struggle and desire for being known and loved. His desire is also freedom for me. He knows that my only source for being loved and known is in Him, and in His great kindness, He has given me a job that constantly puts me in front of people. In His kindness toward me, He brings this struggle to the surface, so that it can be dealt with and not left to destroy me. My job depends on more people knowing who I am. It's almost like He wrote me a letter that says:
Jamie, I know your greatest desire, as well as your greatest weakness. So I'm going to throw you into the game with a job that depends on being known. From inside this job—where you'll be constantly tempted to seek your satisfaction in the love and acceptance of other people—this is how I'll best be able to show you that you constantly need Me, can constantly come back to Me, and can constantly remember that only in Me are you truly known.
Now, go make your podcast, go stand on stages to speak, and go write a book pouring out your soul. Have fun. And along the way, let's get you free from needing others to make you feel good about yourself. All you need is Me.
I love you . . .
Can you think of a similar example of this in your own life? Where God is tossing you into the deep end of your greatest need, for the purpose of showing You in the process that He is all you'll ever need?
Isn't that just so strong and beautiful of Him?
For years, I laughed about my desire to be famous versus rich. And if you ask me today, my answer will still be the same. But I'm not so flippant about it anymore. I realize I'm fighting this sin on a daily basis of finding love and acceptance in other places and people besides God. Some days I have it beat; other days it takes me out all over again. But every day, no matter my level of fight, He is always there pursuing me, loving me, forgiving me, and reminding me of the efforts He went to in order to make me His child.
But I know deep down where my desire comes from. It's from wanting to be truly known and loved for exactly who I am. And that's something I've discovered can only come from God.
Throughout those years, I tried getting it met in other places, searching for something that no person could ever give me. Although sex is a precious gift from God, intended to help us become intimately known by another person—by one person, in marriage—I was using it with all the wrong people, at all the wrong times. That's why it could never come close to satisfying my innermost desires. It always fell short of giving me what I needed. It always left me with that empty feeling you get, after you've placed your hope in something that fails you every single time.
Every. Single. Time.
Looking back on my teenage years, I remember how many times I vowed to never drink again and never have sex again. Usually these promises to God followed an evening that held much regret, or a morning where memories were hard to recall. Nonetheless, my promises only lasted until the next drink was offered, or until the next date night. In my head the life I was living was no different from the life everyone else I knew was living. What was the big deal anyway? I was a big girl who could handle my big-girl choices.
A few months ago, I was laid up sick on the couch and decided to watch some TV from those younger days. Friends was on, and so of course I had to stop and watch Rachel, Ross, Monica, and the whole gang. Several segments in the show made me pause as I was watching. The flippant way that sex was talked about and portrayed on the show is exactly how I was living in my late teenage years. In fact, not having sex with someone I was dating seemed odd to me. Weird. I had never yet been in a relationship where dating didn't equate to sex. That was completely normal to me—despite how obviously messed-up this kind of thinking is. I knew my parents would be so angry and disappointed if they found out. I would die if my grandma knew this part of my life.
Yet this was who I was, and I felt little need to change. And even when I did—even in those moments when I felt guilty or wanted to be different—I didn't know how to stop. How do you just wake up one day and decide you don't want to have sex anymore, especially when nothing else makes you feel loved, accepted, and wanted like that? The only way I could stop living that way was if Jesus intervened. And I couldn't see how anything He might give me could compare to what my heart felt from being with my boyfriend.
Deep in my soul I reassured myself that what I was doing was okay. After all, I was hardly the worst girl in school. Besides, I didn't sleep with lots of guys, only the guy I was dating (as if that noble distinction was something I should be proud of). So, in my mind, I was still a good girl—a good churchgoing girl—who was doing normal things that everyone else was doing. I wasn't doing drugs. I wasn't sleeping around recklessly. I was making good grades, and—hey, I even had a job at a daycare loving on kids. Takes only a good girl to do that, doesn't it?
And yet I would give myself away to whoever would love me.
That was high-school Jamie.
And, um . . . well . . .
College Jamie too.
I'd done the best I could to shield my unsavory social habits from my parents, but you can never do it completely. So while I assumed my parents were completely clueless to my reckless ways, they might have been on to me more than I thought. One indicator of this was that they sent me to a private Christian college in Dallas, in hopes that I would get myself together.
The thing about immersing someone into a certain environment, and putting all of your hope in that place to help them get their life together, is that it is never enough. No place, person, or event on its own can get someone's life back on track. The only thing that can change someone's life is a surrendered relationship with Jesus. Remember, I knew all about God and could say all the right things, but there was no intimacy between God and me. I kept looking all around me at college for intimacy, love, and affection, for that feeling of being known, even while God was continually pursuing me, offering me the joy of having all my needs met in Him.
I've heard it said that college is when you find out who you really are. In most cases, you're heading to a new place where people don't already know you. So, in a weird way, you can entirely re-create yourself, your image, your identity. But for me, I didn't really try re-creating much of myself at all—except that I stopped even trying to be the "good Christian girl" on the outside. I became exactly the girl I wanted to be. The real Jamie showed up at college—not the girl who grew up in the church, who believed in God, who would choose Jesus over any counterfeit savior, and who for the most part lived an honorable life. I still didn't do drugs, still didn't smoke cigarettes. I clung to those things as sort of a measuring stick for how far I would go in life. No drugs. No cigarettes. But anything else, I was game for.
My first day on campus, I met two guys who were on the baseball team. I'm not saying baseball players can't love Jesus; I'm saying at a private Christian school, most of the athletes could not care less about their faith. They only came to this particular school because it's where they got a scholarship.
So, I'd found my people for the next two years. We partied hard. Most of the time we even showed up to class. My sweet roommate, who loved Jesus and was saving herself for marriage, looked down on me for not coming home some nights. She knew I was physically safe, just that I'd decided to sleep wherever the party had ended for the night.
Looking back on that time and the careless life I lived—how embarrassing—a miracle I didn't end up dead or with a disease. There are so many things I'm ashamed of in my life. So many. Countless moments I wish I could change or do over. And my first two years of college are rather high on that "do over" list. I'm not saying I didn't have fun. Big fun. But I was losing myself. I would literally wake up and not know what had happened the night before. I would go to class in someone's T-shirt from whatever house I'd stayed at.
But my lifestyle of partying was about to catch up to me, and it was going to catch up hard.
Spring semester, sophomore year.
I found myself in a situation that wasn't entirely new to me—something that had happened before and had always cleared itself up. I was late with my period. But I was sure it would work out fine again.
I'd shed many tears in high school over the what-ifs of being late. You'd think these close encounters would have affected my decision to continue having unprotected sex. I just always thought that something like this would surely never happen to me. That's what happens to those girls. Not me.
But it wasn't one of those times where it worked out fine.
I was one of those girls now.
She was me.
And as stupid as it sounds, this wasn't even a long-term boyfriend. I'd only been dating this guy for a few months. Had never met his parents. Didn't even know his middle name. Yet here I was—indeed pregnant—at twenty years old with a guy who was still a relative stranger to me.
I guess there's no need to try describing how devastating this new development was. I couldn't believe it. Stuff like this wasn't supposed to happen to college Jamie. I may not have been living the life of the good Christian girl, but I thought I was a Christian girl just the same. A "grew up in the church" girl. A Bible Drill and youth group girl.
And yet when the initial shock died down, I was rather surprised how quickly my can-do, make-do spirit kicked into gear. I convinced myself I could make this work. I'd be fine. I moved into his apartment, hung my pictures on the wall, found my drawers in the dresser, put my toothbrush in the bathroom, and we began playing house. We were going to be a family. The best thing to do, I figured, was to marry this man. I mean, surely I loved him enough to become his wife. Right? I mean, I was pregnant with his child. Can you do that and not truly love somebody? And not be truly loved in return?
For a few weeks of naïve denial, I tried to forget what was going on. I pushed it out of mind. I mean, I looked the same. Felt the same. Everybody was still treating me the same. But pretty soon, I could no longer deny the fact that I needed to have the hardest conversation I'd ever had with anybody in my life.
I had to tell my parents.
Obviously, this chore would be difficult in any situation. But I knew when I revealed this news to my parents, I wouldn't just be telling them about my pregnancy. My confession would also be wrapped up in all the failed commitments I'd made since I was their middle-school Jamie. The locket hadn't worked; the True Love Waits cards hadn't worked; the special dates with my dad hadn't worked. Nothing had worked. None of those things had kept me pure. I had broken all my commitments a long time ago, and now I'd only be filling in my mom and dad on the disaster of a life I'd created for myself.
And I wasn't sure how to do that. I had no idea what to expect. I had let them down big-time, and they were sure to freak out. The only bright side was that there was a baby involved in this conversation—guess what, y'all, you're going to be grandparents! Maybe whatever anger they felt and expressed would be tempered by that.
Still, I couldn't be sure. So I opted for a public place. I'm no dummy. I wasn't about to drive to their house to tell them, where I'd be stuck, unable to escape whatever emotions might spill out.
Then further modifying my plan, I decided to tell only my dad first. He was the less likely of the two to lose his mind with me. I even figured out just how to do it. My brother was running at a track meet in Waco, so I made the drive down alone from Dallas to watch him run. I didn't bring my baby daddy along, just me. I sat with my dad and some other parents during the meet, cheering my brother on as he ran, all the while knowing I was holding a bomb inside that would soon ignite when I told my dad of my impending marriage and motherhood.
I'd decided that right before it was time to part ways, I would tell him. The last-minute words wouldn't leave him much time to process it all and overreact. (I told you I was no dummy.) Although I don't recall exactly how I told him, I vaguely remember it going something like this:
ME: Sure been great to see you, Dad.
DAD: You too, Jamie, thanks for driving down. I know your brother appreciates it.
ME: Yeah, no big deal! I love watching him run.
DAD: Great. Well, we'll see you in a few weeks.
ME: Sounds great! Oh—by the way, Dad, I'm pregnant.
DAD: What?
ME: Yeah. You've never met the guy, but . . . he's great.
DAD: What?
ME: I think we're going to get married this summer.
DAD: What?
For real, that happened. Which left my dad rather shocked and a bit taken aback by the conversation. (No kidding, right?) And though my plan had called for him to be the one who went home and told my mom, he made it quite clear that I would need to be the one to tell her myself. Which is what I was afraid he would say. I was a big girl now, making big-girl choices—like getting pregnant and all—so the least I could do was call my mom on the phone and let her know she was going to be a grandma!
Needless to say, the phone call didn't go well. My mom was, uh . . . let's go with furious . . . though not nearly as furious at me for being pregnant as she was furious that I was even entertaining the idea of marrying this guy. My mom well knew the old saying that two wrongs don't make a right. I sure didn't need to make another mistake, she said, of marrying a guy I hardly knew, just to make up for the mistake of having sex with him before I was married.
From the clear hindsight of time, I'm beyond thankful for her insightful anger on this issue, and I'd like to say I trusted her and followed her lead on it.
But I didn't. My boyfriend and I continued playing house. I worked; he worked; we talked about a wedding day, baby names, all the things you do when preparing to become a mom and a wife all in the same year.
And then all of it shattered. The whole dream—unsound and accidental though it was—fell apart.
I was at the apartment one day when I noticed the blood. For a twenty-year-old who'd never been pregnant—in fact, had never known anyone up close who'd been pregnant—this was scary. I called my doctor, and the lady on the phone told me not to worry. It could be bad, but it could just as easily be normal. Only time would tell. We set in for the wait.
The thing about being twenty and unexpectedly pregnant is that, at first, it's the worst thing in the world that could ever happen to you, and then it becomes the greatest. Of course, I didn't plan my life this way, and of course I didn't desire to be a teenage mom. But here I was. What could I do about it? I never entertained the idea of abortion, so my next option was to pick myself up and carry on. I would be a momma. And as soon as you make that choice, you're in love with the baby in your belly, and all the other variables don't seem to be that big of a deal anymore.
But now this blood was threatening this baby. And we were still waiting to see if it was okay blood or bad blood.
It looked bad. Even with resting and staying off my feet, I started bleeding more, and we decided to go to the ER to get this whole situation checked out. Hand in hand we walked in, both in love with this baby, and honestly not much in love with each other. How could we be? We hardly knew each other. Our baby had become the glue between us, and we were feeling as though the glue was slowly unsticking. A few weeks before, we'd planned on keeping this baby and getting married before he or she was born. Now we found ourselves in the ER in the middle of the night, and I was feeling as though everything was falling apart. Things didn't seem as they were supposed to seem. As much as I had never planned to be a mom at twenty, this baby I loved was in jeopardy, and I was a mess.
As long as I live, I'll never forget what transpired next. The doctor walked in, looked me straight in the eyes, and—no joke, he said it just like this: "Yep, the baby's dead." How could anybody say something as heartless and matter-of-fact as that? I know we were two barely past teenagers with zero clues about life, but we loved this baby, and his words hurt me to the core. It was the most awful interaction I've ever had with a doctor in my entire life.
Now the glue between my boyfriend and me was indeed gone. I walked into that hospital a momma, and I left a twenty-year-old lost girl—a girl who thought she'd found a man and a baby to fill all the holes in her life, who thought she was about to be known and loved in a grand way.
Now what would I/we do?
We continued to play house, but it didn't feel right to me anymore. I didn't love this man enough to spend forever with him without our child. The baby was why I'd chosen forever with him, and now that there was no baby, I decided there would be no forever between us either. Honestly, I think he knew this too. We weren't in love, and it was evident. We were two kids who got ourselves in a situation, and we thought we could make it right with a ceremony and wedding bands. But now there was no need for all that hoopla. We were done.
The emotions of losing something you loved but never wanted in the first place are exhausting. At first I was devastated by the loss of my child. I was beyond sad and wanted everything back like it was before. The tears flowed endlessly, and I couldn't seem to function again because of the sadness that had overcome me.
Then a few weeks later, I began to feel relieved. Relieved that I wasn't becoming a mom before I'd planned for this responsibility. Relieved that I could finish school without the setback a baby would create for me. Then guilt rushed over me for feeling relieved. How could I feel relieved from losing a child? Sorrow. Relief. Guilt. A constant wave of emotions.
Finally, I asked my parents if I could move back home. I knew I couldn't process these emotions in Dallas. I needed a safe place to land . . . because the pregnancy, as tough as it was, hadn't been rock bottom for me. The miscarriage was what took me to rock bottom. The pregnancy was a hurdle we would jump, and life would continue on. The miscarriage left me feeling more alone than ever before. And for the first time in a really long time, I felt as though there just might be more to life than the way I'd been living. What if the church stuff I followed in middle school was right? What if I was worth more than this? What if God actually did have big plans for me? But even if those things were true, how could they still be true for me now?
I moved home in the summer of 1998, and had never been more alone in my entire life.
Chapter 4
Chased by God
{
The year was 1998. This was the summer I attached the first pin to my chest. Up until then, I never knew about all the pins I should be wearing.
Funny, isn't it, that it wasn't until I moved home and started going to church again that I felt the need to do this pin-attaching thing. The one place where I was supposed to feel the most freedom—at church—actually produced the most shame in me. I'm not saying the people there were looking down on me. Maybe they were; maybe they weren't. Or maybe I was just so convinced they should look down on me that I created a world in my mind where they did look down on me. I don't know.
Nevertheless, these letters began to make their home on my chest.
"U" for used.
"W" for whore.
"P" for pregnant.
"S" for shame.
Worse, these labels also began to become my identity and make their home in my heart. I believed I was all of those things. And if I was all of those things, then I had no right going to church and acting as if I wasn't. My feelings about myself, symbolized by those pins and letters, formed my new identity. And I would acquire more pins along the way.
I didn't know any other way to be identified. If you're not a follower of Christ, how else can you be identified, except by the choices you've made, the things you've said, the places you've been. Not until God steps into our world and literally gives us a new identity can we be anything other than the life we've decided to live. As sinners. Unrepentant sinners.
But I didn't believe this new identity could happen to me. If it already had, I couldn't tell. And even if it still could, I surely didn't deserve it now.
That's how I was thinking.
That's what brought on the pins.
Church in my mind at that time was still the place for people who already had their stuff together. I had no concept of church as a place where broken people could show up, be their real selves, and still receive love. If ever I'd tried to actually be myself at church, I felt I would've been asked not to come back. If they knew the real me, they would suggest other places for me to go. Because despite having been raised in the church, I really had no working concept of the gospel, the forgiveness of Christ, and God's love for me. In my mind, you were either a good person and God loved you, or you were a bad person and God didn't love you. I loved God as much as I knew how, but I was certain His love for me had been slowly fading through the years. And if I didn't get my act together quickly, He would quit loving me altogether. I felt that I had strung Him along for way too long. Yet I had no concept of how to get started again. I felt so lost—even at home. Lost—even at church. Everyone wanted me to be different. I did too. But how?
Now, just for a moment, before going any further, I want to pull back from this scene, in order to say that this same dynamic I experienced is playing out this week, this weekend, everywhere that people and churches exist. And wherever it does, you and I are on either side of it. We're either the church people that others feel too ashamed to be themselves around, or we're the bottled-up people whose sense of failure or inadequacy makes us want to hide and maybe hate you.
Do you see the problem with this picture? Do you see the needless anxiety and waste of time we cause for others and ourselves when church is a place where people feel unwelcome to be real?
I realize, of course, sin causes separation. Sin must be dealt with. No one is helped by being coddled and petted in their sin, practically encouraged not to sweat what it does to all of us. But everything should be pointing to Jesus. Our churches should do nothing else but point people to Jesus, the true Redeemer of their souls. We can't be giving off the vibe that says certain people don't quite measure up. (Because that's not true.) And if we're the ones who feel like we don't measure up, we can't be beating ourselves to death for things that Christ has already taken the blows for. (Which actually is true.)
I'll come back to this subject later, throughout this whole journey we're taking together, because its implications are so important. But whether my story is unlike yours and you're not sure what to make of rebel kids like me, or whether my story is all too similar to yours and you're not sure what to do next, I'm praying that the experiences still to be shared in these remaining chapters will cause you to truly feel for the ashamed . . . and, if you're the ashamed, will cause you to run toward freedom whatever it costs.
Because, get this straight—God is running to you.
Even if you're sitting at rock bottom.
Something weird happens to you when you hit rock bottom. Your only view is what's above you. Rock bottom is lonely. Rock bottom is scary. For me, rock bottom was an opportunity to reevaluate life as I knew it. My parents were gracious toward me and patient in my journey. They never made me go to church with them but, then again, it's just what I always did. Going to church on Sundays at home was as normal as my family going to Grandma's for Christmas. It's just what we did.
But the funny thing about church for someone who feels as though they've hit rock bottom is that church can sometimes make you feel anxious. In your brain you feel as though everyone is on to you. They know your junk, and even if you were to try hiding it, you can't, because they all know. It feels as if they had a big meeting before the doors opened, and everyone was clued in on your sin struggles. Of course, we all know church is nothing like that (or at least isn't supposed to be like that), but for someone like me who was walking around with a big secret—with all those pins—this was my perceived reality.
This was exactly how I felt. I would protect myself and my heart at all costs, even from these church people. Especially from these church people.
But here's when—looking back at least, even if not at the time—I started to suspect that something else, something highly unusual, was going on. Because even though church made me feel terrible, I spent that summer trying so hard to get involved in the college ministry.
Why? What was I doing? Why was I putting myself through this?
I didn't even like them, the college kids at our church. They were so unlike me. I mean, if they were attending church, surely they weren't doing anything wrong. None of them had likely been pregnant just last month, for instance. Or were mourning the loss of an unborn child that no one knew about. Or probably had ever tasted alcohol in their whole lives. None of them had ever walked in my shoes. None of them were living with a secret as big as mine. None of them knew what it was like to hurt—to really hurt—to make poor choices, to feel as alone as I was feeling.
Twenty years removed from this time in my life, I realize the reason why I made all these assumptions of them was because I was too afraid to tell anyone about myself. If I had, I might have found they'd walked through some hard stuff too. But I was so inwardly focused on my own pain and hurts that I didn't look around to see others who were also in pain. All I saw were a bunch of goody-two-shoes who wanted nothing to do with me, who couldn't relate to me, who didn't care about me. I felt unaccepted by them before they even had a chance to ask my name. I felt left out, ignored, frowned upon, less-than, and didn't really give them a chance to show me otherwise. And if those college girls couldn't love me for who I was, then how could God love me? That's how skewed my thoughts had become. I put their ideas of me (or at least my perceived ideas of their ideas) above God's ideas about me.
From their side, I'm certain they felt I was the rude one—stand-offish, probably a little stuck up—when, in fact, the exact opposite was true. I was scared of letting anyone into my life for fear of their judgment, of their lack of love, of their possibly telling me what I believed to be true—that I was indeed unlovable. I feared that if I let them in on my world, they would reject me. So to protect myself, I put up a guard. No one was getting in that might hurt me, even if they were trying to love me.
I went from being someone desperate to be known to someone whose main desire was to stay unknown.
And yet I kept coming in—for reasons I didn't even know or want. This was so weird. And so hard. But what I didn't know until later was that God was amazingly at work. He was already beginning the process of bringing my secrets out from under wraps so He could bring my freedom into real life.
He was making my path back to Him . . . unavoidable.
By fall, I started back to school, this time locally in Houston. I knew I needed to get back into life, with a plan, though I honestly wasn't sure what that even looked like. I'd spent the summer working for my dad's company, hanging out with my family, and wondering if I would ever get back to a normal life again. In the past three months, I'd been pregnant, preparing to get married, dealing with a miscarriage, moving back home, and now living with a secret over my head. What would this mess look like if it went back to school now?
The only way I knew to make college better this time was to be a better person. I would stop getting drunk. I would stop having sex. I would start reading my Bible. Wouldn't that make me feel better about myself? Wouldn't that make God love me? Wouldn't that make me feel like a good person?
So that became my goal: Stop getting drunk. Stop having sex. God would love me then, and I would be acceptable to Him again. Loved. Accepted. That was still what I wanted. And maybe at twenty years old, being good would finally do it for me.
But the problem with behavior modification is that it never sustains the test of time. Doing good things to be a better person can never satisfy the desires of your heart. We always fail. We always let God down. We never become good enough.
And not having sex was just behavior modification for me. It had nothing to do with saving myself for marriage because of my love for God; it had everything to do with trying so hard to do the right thing so that God would love me, and so that I wouldn't get pregnant again.
So I entered the fall semester trying to do life better. And I tried really hard.
For about two weeks!
Probably didn't help that I joined a sorority before school even started. Nothing against the Greek system, but it's a super hard place to try and do "good things" like not drink and not have sex. In fact, as I began to embrace sorority life, I became the stereotypical sorority girl. Drunk and easy. Once again, I was failing at the "being good" challenge I had given myself. But for someone who's immersed in a lifestyle, it's hard to do anything other than what you already know. And for me, I still didn't know how to date without sex being involved. I'd been doing it that way since I was sixteen. I didn't believe a guy loved me unless he wanted to go to bed with me, and I saw nothing wrong with a first date ending in a sleepover.
So even with my big commitment again to be this good girl that I thought I needed to be for God to love me and for the people at church to accept me, I kept failing. All I knew how to be was the girl I'd been for the past four years. Becoming someone else was hard. Maybe impossible. It was an act I didn't know how to keep up. I only knew how to be me, and the good-girl act wasn't me. She was fake.
Halfway through that fall semester, I met a guy who became my boyfriend—the first guy I'd seriously dated since the miscarriage. I wasn't living like I should, I knew, but at least I had this exciting relationship to be part of. He wasn't a Christian, but I thought it would be fine. I mean, we were both good people.
But, boy, did it turn out to be a different experience than all the other times I'd been involved with a guy. Because while God had been pursuing me for the past few years, I was most unaware of His pursuit, but the next twelve months of my life would make it obvious that He was there. He had always been there, and He was about to flip my world completely upside down.
You may or may not understand what I'm about to say. But being pursued by God was the scariest thing in my life. Really? Scarier than being a pregnant teenager? Scarier than the doctor delivering the news that your baby was dead? Yes. Partly because He would eventually lead me to a point of unavoidable vulnerability that felt more crippling to me than anything I'd ever been through before. And partly because I felt like if He rejected me, the way I thought other people would reject me, I would truly have nothing. To be rejected and abandoned, rather than loved and accepted, wasn't something I thought I could live with. And that's what I was afraid of—if God ever really got hold of me—that He would reject me.
But there's really no other reasonable explanation for what happened next in my life except that God just did it, that He was chasing me down, and that He wasn't going to stop until He'd caught me. I look back at this time, and I see the hand of God all over it. Things I would normally scoff at, I was agreeing to participate in. Things I would never care about were actually keeping me up at night, thinking about them.
Places I would never go, and people I would never want to spend this much time with, were about to change my life forever.
Somehow I was invited to attend a conference in Dallas with the college ministry at our church (the college kids that I hated so much). We were to drive up from Houston, stay in a hotel together, and go all weekend to this big event. Fun, huh? No, not to me.
Then why, again, was I saying YES to this idea? Agreeing to hang out for a whole weekend with people I couldn't stand? A weekend that was all about this God who was doing crazy things in me, all while I was scared to death of not being good enough for Him?
It just didn't make sense.
Yet I knew I needed to go.
And so I went. I even signed up to share a ride, which ended up putting me with a girl named Erica (who I actually wish I'd gotten to know better because I think we were both living the same double life) and this guy named Aaron.
Aaron Ivey.
We already knew each other a little bit. A month earlier, in fact, he had asked me on a date. Can you believe that? But I'd recently started dating my current boyfriend, so I politely refused. Sweet of him, though—one of those perfectly put-together college kids, thinking he could mix it up with somebody like me. He had no idea what he was asking. He and I would never work.
But we did venture up to this conference together—Passion Conference, it was called. I remember only two things from that entire weekend. First, I remember this Aaron guy was hilarious. I'd been wrong about him. He was different from the other college kids that, at least from my perception, couldn't wrap their minds around somebody like me. He seemed authentic and real. I didn't feel as though he looked down on me, even though I was certain if he knew the real me, he would change his mind and get away from me as fast as he could. Yet for the first time since doing anything with these kids from the college ministry, this person made me feel safe. He made church and me feel safe together.
The second thing I remember was that something truly remarkable happened to me during that event. I can't make it splashy in trying to describe it because it wasn't something noticeable, I don't think, to others. I wasn't even sure I understood it myself. I just knew it was happening. And I knew it was real.
God wooed me to Himself that weekend.
For the first time ever, I felt known by Him, and yet loved by Him, all at the same time—not because I was doing something right or was on one of my good-girl kicks, but because He just loved me.
I'm sure we sang worship songs while we were there, but I don't really have any recollection of them—nor of the place where we stayed, the restaurants where we ate, or who was sitting next to me at each session. I only remember a woman named Beth Moore (who I'd never heard of) standing on the stage and saying words that struck me as if she'd come there to say them only to me. I'd never felt God luring me toward Him like that, tugging at my heart like that. He was speaking, and I heard Him—really heard what was on His heart—for the first time in my life.
Incredibly, I've been honored to interview Beth on my podcast. (It sounds so crazy now, as I think back to the first time I saw her, and what my life was like at the time.) Being able to tell her in person how the Holy Spirit penetrated my heart that day and about the unexpected, unexplainable joy He brought to me in that moment is still one of my lifetime favorite moments.
But that's exactly how it happened. There at a Christian conference, which was so not my thing, I found myself being drawn to Christ in such an unlikely way. I truly felt broken for my sin and I knew that Jesus—not my attempt at keeping His rules and expectations, but Jesus Himself—was the something that was missing from my life. I believe that I was experiencing a godly grief for the first time in my life. I'd always known His story and what He'd done, from having grown up in the church. But finally, I understood what His sacrifice on the cross, and resurrection from the dead truly meant for me. For the first time, I felt as though the church—which had lately been a place where I only felt shame—might actually have a place for me and my brokenness.
God had chased me down.
And changed me forever.
I love seeing Jesus interact with women in the Bible, how He loved, pursued, and included them in His ministry. I told Aaron recently that my next book would be called Jesus and His Ladies. Catchy, I think, but . . . probably open to misinterpretation.
Yet the story in John 4 of Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well is a picture of Him meeting a woman right where she was. Literally and figuratively.
Most Jewish travelers of that day made a point of avoiding the region of Samaria. The history between the Jews and the Samaritans was a bit rocky, and so to prevent unwanted interaction with them, they would walk completely out of their way. Jesus, however, went there on purpose. To meet those people.
Goodness gracious, do I know what it feels like to be one of "those people." I've felt like an outsider a few times in my life, and I can tell you this: you never expect an insider to join you on the outside. This woman at the well was an outsider; Jesus was an insider. Yet He entered her world—He came to her—creating an interaction that not even she wanted to happen.
Their conversation at first was a bit awkward and uncomfortable. You probably know the story. Jesus said to her, "Give me a drink," and instead of offering Him a drink, she basically said to Him, "Why are YOU, a Jew, talking to ME, a Samaritan woman?"
I felt this exact way when Jesus started pressing closer to me. I would wonder to myself, Why in the world does He want anything to do with me? I knew the fraud that I was. I knew the way I'd trampled His name and His reputation into the ground with my words and actions.
Have you ever felt this way before, when thinking about your relationship with God? How in the world could He love you? How could He want to be in a relationship with you? How could He possibly use you . . . the way you are? Know what I'm talking about?
Those were actually some of the same thoughts that prohibited me from following Jesus for so long. I truly didn't think a girl like me could be loved by a God like Him. I had been given too many chances to turn my life around and I had rejected them all, so surely God would do the same to me. Rejection was the only option I could conceive in my mind. I had rejected Him, so therefore He would reject me . . . except for the fact that He is Jesus, and Jesus doesn't do rejection. He pursues hearts.
In the case of this woman, if Jesus had wanted to do rejection, she was already holding all the ingredients for it. Five former husbands. Living with a man who wasn't her husband. Now standing next to a Man who in reality was her Creator, the God of the universe. Do you see a rejection scenario setting up here?
But He wasn't there to reject her. He was there to pursue her heart, to provide her with water that would satisfy her forever—a concept that must have blown her mind because she was so thirsty that she went for it. "Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water" (John 4:15).
Ahh, that's so beautiful. Jesus was the only thing that could quench her desire for being known, loved, and accepted as she was. He was the only one who could satisfy her so much that she would no longer need to venture out to this well at odd hours, times when other women wouldn't be around so she could avoid the embarrassment, shame, and horror of them knowing her junk, cutting eyes at her, whispering behind her back . . . rejecting her.
Jesus came to free her, not to condemn her.
Her biggest sin wasn't her five husbands and all the other junk we know of her from Scripture. Her biggest sin was unbelief. And that's what Jesus came to deal with. To offer her "living water." He is more concerned with drawing our hearts toward Him, not getting us put together enough so that we're capable of coming to Him. The reason He wants us acknowledging and repenting of our sins is so that we can follow Him, not so He can confirm why He's rejecting us. "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him" (John 3:17).
If you aren't a follower of Jesus, know that He isn't asking you to get your life together before you follow Him. He wants us to follow Him, worship Him, and give Him our all. And when we do that, our life does start to get together. Our picture of this is pretty much all wrong—that we need be perfected before we come to God. In reality, the exact opposite is true. He does the perfecting in us the more we come to know Him.
He doesn't chase us just to catch us. He chases us so we can follow Him.
The woman at the well was me. I was the one hiding at the well while the other women were at home. I was the woman at home while the other women were at the well. I was one that Jesus knew so much about, yet He still chose to love me, pursue me, and want to be in a relationship with me.
For the first time in my life, I felt known. And even if it wasn't exactly what I wanted to be known for, I discovered it's what we're all known for, or should want to be known for.
Known for needing Jesus.
My experience at the Passion Conference truly changed me. But I wasn't sure what to do with this change. I knew I couldn't be a Christian and live the way I was living. But I didn't know if I could live how I thought Christians lived. To me, they were boring, judgmental, too good for me, no fun. How could I give my super-fun life over to that? Was this what Jesus wanted of me now?
A few months later, I signed up to go on a ski trip with our church. My dad and brother were both going, and so it made sense for me to join them as well. The church rented a bus, and we traveled the grueling journey from Houston to Breckenridge, Colorado—and lo and behold, I ended up sitting next to that same guy from the Passion trip again. (Remember the guy who's now my husband?!) Aaron and I had so much fun on that trip. We ended up skiing together a lot. I still don't think I've ever laughed so much. Aaron was really fun to be around, and it might have been the first time in my life I was having fun with a guy who I wasn't trying to entice sexually.
We were merely friends. He was that funny guy from church who sang on the stage during worship services. He was my brother's youth pastor. But that was it. And that was enough. And it felt nice for me and another guy to just be friends. For that to be enough.
The best thing about this story is to hear Aaron tell it. He claims we frolicked in the mountains laughing and falling in love together, but in reality, he was the only one falling in love, not me. We did have fun, yes, but he was just a friend. In fact, when we arrived back in Houston, my boyfriend picked me up from the church parking lot. My fun, easygoing week in the slopes with one of the nicest guys I'd ever met was over. But as proof of what God was doing, the contrast that was forming between Aaron and my boyfriend—between my old life and my new one—would soon force me to make a monumental choice.
It was like I was now on two tracks, the life I was so used to living and this new life following God. And though the track that God was calling me toward was something I wanted—the life of following Him that He was calling me to choose—the other track didn't just automatically merge with the new one. Other people were still on it with me. I was still in the middle of living there. So even in the midst of all this change in my heart toward God, my relationship with the guy I was dating continued to progress. And before I knew it, we were engaged and planning a wedding, all while moving along on two separate tracks, hoping they would eventually merge together.
I know you are wondering how this will work out. My life was radically changed at Passion, and now I'm engaged to someone who isn't even a Christian. He was starting to come to church with me. That was good. Sort of fit with the life I was wanting to start living now. I was moving toward becoming a married woman, with a husband who sat there with me on Sundays and sang the songs and listened to the sermon. That's how this was all going to come together, right? We're all Christians, right? We're Americans. We're Texans.
Christians.
But, no, it still wasn't exactly right. We were still having sex, for instance. Which didn't seem to bother him but . . . like on that summer day around my sixteenth birthday when I'd had sex for the first time ever, it was really bothering me.
Over the years, as my conscience wore down, sex in a relationship had become such a no-brainer. Being in a relationship and not having sex would've seemed weird and odd. (I hate saying it, but it was true.) But now, all of a sudden, I was starting to feel incredibly guilty about it. Remember the godly grief I mentioned before? Here is a prime example of this newfound guilt in my life—it led me to repentance. I mean, here I was, progressing toward a wedding date with this man, and yet already drifting apart from him. He didn't share the same newfound principles and love for Jesus that I was beginning to crave. We weren't on this faith journey of mine together. It was just me, even if he'd temporarily been willing to add a Sunday-morning interruption to his weekend schedule.
But the hypocrisy, for me, had to stop. Jesus was pursuing me, wanting me to follow Him. And that meant following Him in everything.
I finally developed the courage to express my convictions on this subject to my fiancé. And it didn't go quite as I had expected. I was naïve enough to think that he actually loved me for who I was, not only for what we shared in the bedroom. Sure, I expected him to be a little bummed to be missing out on sex, but—hey, we were soon to be married. Wouldn't be like this forever. Surely he would still love me just the same. And would wait, for a change.
Except that's not what happened. He couldn't fathom my decision. And to pile on—to make it look like I was the one who should be ashamed here—he threw my past pregnancy in my face, and told me how mean I was being to him to force this kind of change on him so quickly.
Can we say, red flags waving everywhere?!?
What was I gonna do? My devotion to God was real, but it was shaky. And it was now causing a big source of tension between us. I was willing to give this "following Jesus" thing a try, but what if it cost me my relationship? And yet I was genuinely growing to love God more than ever, and able to get over my boyfriend's frustration with me less.
I'll never forget the day I walked into my dad's office and told him I couldn't do it. I couldn't marry this guy. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who would treat me this way, even if I had a wedding dress hanging in my closet, a church booked, and a caterer reserved. I could no longer picture myself with this man forever, though I was scared to death about telling him. My life was drastically changing, and—since we weren't married yet—it wasn't fair for him to be pulled along on this roller coaster. He didn't feel convicted about the sex. Only I did. He didn't have the life-altering experience at the Passion Conference. Only I did. He didn't read his Bible and long to discover more and more about Jesus. Only I did. We were all of a sudden walking on two different roads. Our tracks were never going to merge.
I cried and cried and cried in my dad's office, and then I drove myself to my office, where I was working, and asked my fiancé to meet me there. To this day, this conversation will go down as one of the hardest conversations of my life, right up there with telling my parents that I was pregnant. Because the truth is, I did love this man. Of course I did—I was this close to committing my life to him, for better or worse, in sickness and in health.
I said a lot of words that morning to him. We both cried a lot of tears. I handed him the ring back that I'd been wearing as a promise to him. And then he asked me one final question. He asked me what I wanted. If it wasn't him, then what was it?
And I kid you not, I said to him these exact words: "I'm not sure what I want, but I think I want someone like that Aaron Ivey guy at church."
The man I rode in the car with to Passion. The man I frolicked in the snow with in Colorado. When God starts chasing you, He changes what you want.
And in following Him, you find Him giving you what He knows you need.
Chapter 5
It's Complicated
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So, what do you think of Jesus girl Jamie?
That's what an old friend of mine actually called me during that season of my life. "Jesus girl." Felt a little odd to me, but Jesus girl Jamie was sure doing things a lot better than college girl Jamie. In fact, after everything that had happened, I decided I wasn't even going back to school in the fall, that I would work for a year before going back to college. Honestly, I didn't know if I could handle going back into the same environment where I had lived so irresponsibly. I needed a fresh start.
That's how I became working girl Jamie.
And between Jesus girl Jamie and working girl Jamie, I was happier with my new titles than all the old titles I'd ever worn in my life. I was undeniably different now—still trying to figure out how to live this Christian life, of course, and still stumbling along at it, but able to see that I was making progress. Even the trauma of breaking off my engagement had become a huge feat for me, a sign that my walk with Jesus was growing deeper. I wasn't drinking anymore, wasn't having sex anymore, wasn't even thinking about dating anymore, and my ex-fiancé and I could go back to just being friends again, like before.
Uh, Jamie, you sure that's a good idea?
Boy, do I wish someone had come along and asked me a question like that. How I wish a caring friend had stepped in and said, "Jamie, not trying to run your life or anything, because you are a 'working girl' and all, but . . . I think you're about to make a really stupid mistake." Maybe someone did tell me that, and I just don't remember it.
All I do remember is that sometime in the fall, I was asked to go on a little business trip for the company I was working for—a weekend conference up in Dallas, which super excited me, because in my mind a work trip was just the coolest thing ever. Everyone else I knew was studying for exams, going to classes, partying at night, doing all their college-student things. And here I was, heading out on the road for an all-expenses-paid business trip. Pretty grown-up, huh?
Where the stupid part comes in is that, for whatever ludicrous, ridiculous, dumb, careless, (add your own favorite idiotic adjective here) reason, I decided that asking my ex-fiancé to come along for the ride sounded like the thing to do, so that I wouldn't just be a young woman out driving alone on the highway.
Bear with me now, although I'm sure you can see where this story is going. I'd booked us at the same hotel, but in separate rooms because, first of all, I was living with different standards now and was trying so hard not to be a girl who sleeps with men she's not married to—and because, second of all, he was my ex-fiancé, and our relationship wasn't like that anymore. We were just friends now.
Still, we only used one of those rooms that weekend.
If you've ever failed in the same exact way as always, falling to a sin that you truly thought you'd put behind you for good, you can relate to how devastated I felt as a result. Even this many years later, as I'm typing up the story, the sadness just floods over me. I remember how intensely I was trying to be different. I remember declaring that I wanted to start over with that part of my life. I remember committing again that I would keep my body pure from now on, and how seriously I felt about this new promise, knowing it was what God said was best for me. I was so eager to be good. I was so much happier living the life of a Christian girl. For the first time in my life, I was trying to do the right things, not to check off a box, but because I truly wanted to obey God. And now . . .
Pull out all the pins I thought I had packed up.
Pin that letter on me again. The one I've worn before.
"F"—you're a failure.
The guilt that I'd felt, leading up to what became my broken engagement, had obviously been serious enough to drive me toward a significant change of life plans. Kept me from getting married that summer. Truly led me toward pursuing purity in my relationship, whereas I never had before in my life. In many ways, though, I'd never felt the kind of guilt I was feeling now. Over the next few weeks, I continually beat myself up for what I'd done. But I hope you hear what I'm about to say, because it is the gospel, through and through. God met me in the intensity of my guilt with the even greater intensity and reality of His forgiveness. Yes, I had failed. No doubt about that. And I knew I'd be living with certain consequences of my decision. But I confessed my sin to God—even this sin, this sexual sin, which had become for me the hardest thing to let go of when I started following Jesus—and I felt the most complete forgiveness of my sins that I'd ever experienced. My guilt led to repentance, not shame.
That's how, unlike all the failures of my past, God transformed this failure into one of my most significant milestones. Because even with the changes I'd made in my life up to that point, lingering doubts had kept me worrying that I was still putting on an act. Different scene, same old show. But I'd never reacted to my sin with this level of both horror and humility. If I was still the same old Jamie that I'd always been, I knew this response wouldn't be happening.
The months of wondering if I was truly in this thing for the long haul were wiped away for me in the crucible of my guilt and God's forgiveness. His gospel proved His love to me, and I knew I would follow Him forever. In my failure and in His continued pursuit and love for me, I knew He was worth it.
And I've never doubted it since.
Among the changes and fresh motivations that God inspired in me, in the aftermath of this weekend collapse, was a craving for His Word. In particular, I clung to every story in the Bible that told about someone who loved God but messed up big-time.
The truth is, of course, people messing up is pretty much the whole story of the Bible. Everybody in there was a sinful person, like we're all sinful people, and except for Jesus (because He had no sin and IS GOD), there's not a single one of them whose sin doesn't show up somewhere. But I was hunting for the big sinners. Like me. (I realize all our sins are big to God, that there's no such thing as a little sin. But I was in the middle of trying to rid myself of what, to me, was my own personal "big sin," and I wanted to see how somebody, anybody, in Scripture had dealt with making the big-sin choices I had made.)
I found him in David.
I was already familiar with his story, of course, as I'm sure you probably are too. But in the midst of my particular season of failing, David's story became water for my soul. The Bible calls him "a man after [God's] own heart" (1 Sam. 13:14), who God chose to be king of Israel. He was flawed but amazing, and God would use him for so many great things. He wrote many of the psalms we still read in the Bible, and his love for the Lord was absolutely contagious.
But despite his deep love for God, he made a horrible decision one night. He put himself in a position where the possibility of being lured into sexual temptation could easily happen, and he invited another man's wife to his room in the palace.
David's life, going forward, would continually bear some of the scars that resulted from this one night of sin and the other compromises that followed. I'm not trying in any way to minimize the evil of sin and how it hurts, wounds, and impacts everybody and everything in its path. But when brought face-to-face with his failures, David continued crying out to God. Most important, he never stopped loving Him. And as someone dealing with David's kind of shame and embarrassment over my latest mess-up, the experience of reading again what David did and what God did was healing to my broken heart.
I remember taking his words from Psalm 51 and turning them into my own prayer:
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! (Ps. 51:1–2)
I began to pray the same things to God that David expressed here, asking Him to cleanse me from my sin and to have mercy on me because of His enormous love for me. And God was doing that in my world. He was using my transgressions against Him to teach me His unwavering love toward me—just like He did with David after the same sort of sin.
David's failures, like I said, did bring consequences on his life. Bathsheba, the woman he slept with, became pregnant with his child. David, afraid and wanting to save his own reputation, called her husband back from war in hopes that everyone would assume Bathsheba was simply a normal, pregnant wife. But when that plan didn't work, David ordered the man moved to the front lines of battle so that he would be killed. Then David brought Bathsheba over to be his own wife, again trying to give off the impression (as if people didn't know how to count) that the baby she was carrying was legitimately theirs by marriage.
What a mess, right? David was scrambling to keep the consequences of his sin private, like a lot of us tend to do when we're afraid of being found out. And, hey, of all the telltale signs that something's not right in a person's life, a pregnant belly is one of the, uh . . . the biggest.
Ask me how I know this.
Because, yes, I was pregnant.
Again.
What in the world was going on here? How could God let this happen to me, now that I was truly following Him? It didn't seem fair, what this particular mistake was about to cost me. The freedom I'd been feeling, the forgiveness I'd been trusting and walking in—what did all of that mean? How would anyone believe I was any different now? If so, then why had I fallen back into the same struggle I'd vowed to put behind me, months earlier?
I don't quite know how to describe the embarrassment I was feeling. Not only did I wonder if others would doubt my faith, I began to wonder myself if my faith would sustain this trial. Even though I believed I'd really changed, was it still just me trying hard to be good, or was I genuinely trying to follow Jesus? Those are two distinct things, of course, and they came together to form the two questions that dominated my mind after my positive pregnancy test.
Where was my life headed from here?
And what was I going to tell people?
The first people I told were my parents (again), and although I'm sure they were thinking, What is wrong with you, Jamie? they at least didn't act that way. Maybe they also saw something in me, something different than before. The first time I'd gotten pregnant, I really felt the type of worldly guilt I described earlier. Embarrassed maybe, or even humiliated over the consequences that my sexual sin would bring me. I hadn't meant to get pregnant, obviously, but that was just the risk everybody was running. And in my mind, pretty much everybody was out there running it. That's why I had such little regard for committing myself to marriage, with little if any repentance for the lifestyle I'd engrossed myself in.
This time, though, I was broken. And I think they knew it and saw it in me. I was so sorry for my actions—a sorrow that I'd already poured out to God, before it spilled out here in front of my parents. This time around, I was scared for what people would think about me, because I was different now. I truly was. And I was worried my failure would taint their trust in me, because I wanted my outsides to mirror the change that God had worked on my insides.
So it was the same . . . only different. Much different. And that's what we as women need to remind ourselves—that we can respond to our sins and failures differently than we used to do. Trust me, I know about feeling as though I should always have my stuff together and never fail. But failing is what we do best. All of us. We're all human; we all sin. Yet we can respond to it differently—with deep repentance, but not despair. With a guilt that leads to repentance.
And while I do still wish someone might have noticed and caught me before I set off toward a tragic weekend (we need those people in our lives), I am forever grateful for the support system (specifically my parents) who loved me through this ordeal. Part of being different—both in our ongoing lifestyle, as well as in our comebacks from sin—is the result of people who are closely around us and keep pointing us back to Jesus. We must serve that role for others, and we must seek others to play that role for us.
Whatever you're going through today—maybe something not too unlike the story I'm sharing, or maybe something else that's been equally troubling to you—don't do it alone. Don't try it without people supporting you, telling you the truths of God's Word, and constantly pointing you to Jesus.
I see it all the time in the women I meet at the jail. I constantly hear them share about their support system—the people around them who remind them of the truth, who hold their hand when they're struggling, who believe in them and love them no matter what. The girls who are most likely to succeed when they're released are the ones who have a support system in place. Many of them, like I was, are struggling so hard to let go of things that have a real hold on them. For some, it's drugs; for others, sex; for others, money. Either way, when they make the same mistakes over and over again, they need someone there to love them, accept them, and point them to Jesus.
That's what my parents were to me at that time. I'm sure they were upset with me for my choices. I'm sure they wondered if this might just send me sprawling back to my old ways again. Yet they didn't seem ashamed of me. They continued to care for me, support me, and keep Jesus squarely in my headlights. And as I look back now on this part of my life, I'm still in awe of the way they loved me through it.
Unlike the last time, I certainly didn't entertain the thought of marrying my baby's father. I'd already decided he wasn't the man I wanted to spend my life with. I knew he wasn't committed to following Jesus, and I wasn't going to let a baby alter my decision to wait for a man who was.
So, with the advice and support of my parents, we decided to tell very few people about my pregnancy, for which I was grateful. I did tell a few friends, as well as a pastor and his wife at our church, and also my aunt and uncle who lived in California and were aware of the change in my life over the past few months. It was our little secret, which we all knew eventually would be something we'd be forced to tell everyone. (Hello, baby in my belly!) But every day meant trying to figure out what life was going to look like at our house when this baby arrived. And just like last time, I began to fall in love with my baby.
I was at work one day, several weeks after finding out I was pregnant, when I began to feel some extreme pain in my lower abdomen. Over the next few hours the pain increased so much that I decided to drive myself to the hospital. (Dumb idea, I know, but I was twenty-one and clearly had a reputation of making dumb decisions!) I called my dad from the car, telling him my plan, when the pain became so intense that I had to pull over and wait for him to come pick me up. He arrived quickly, and together we drove on to the hospital—my dad there, like always, to help his baby girl.
So here we go—worried again that something was wrong with another pregnancy. It had only been a year and a half since I'd previously walked down this road. And whether you're married or not, the thought of losing your baby is tragic. I didn't want to go through that kind of sorrow a second time. I was scared.
And wouldn't you know it, but someone else from our church was seated in the emergency room waiting area when we arrived. You should have seen my dad trying to explain to this man, without spilling our secret, why his daughter was here, all while being deeply concerned and trying to comfort me. I was hurting too bad to really help much, but he was somehow able to fumble some words together, enough to apparently satisfy this person's curiosity.
Then finally—if you've ever been an emergency room patient, you know what I mean by finally!—they called my name and escorted me back to a room, where doctors and nurses tried to figure out what was causing me such extreme pain, which was increasing drastically. Before long, it was clear the baby was in trouble. And maybe me too. Something had ruptured, calling for immediate surgery because I was losing blood so rapidly.
From there, things were mostly a blur. I remember my mom being with me outside the operating room. I remember people moving really quickly around me. I wasn't in extreme pain anymore, but was loopy from all the meds I'd been given. I signed the necessary papers about the possibility of losing ovaries and what not, and then I was out, while they opened me up.
I awoke to the good news that I hadn't lost my ovaries, but to the bad news that I had, indeed, lost my baby. I had an ectopic pregnancy (an ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants somewhere other than the main cavity of the uterus), and the embryo had implanted inside my ovary, and then had burst—apparently quite uncommon. My surgeon, an older man, said I was only the second patient he'd ever seen in his entire career with this kind of condition.
So that morning I'd been pregnant, and by that afternoon I wasn't. It had happened again. I'd lost another baby.
And still today when I think about this memory, I cry. So much shame, intermingled with so much sorrow. All these feelings were battling with my heart because I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant for fear of what they'd think of me, yet I desperately wanted to mother my baby. It was a war I wasn't prepared for, a battle I didn't know how to fight.
And at the end, the only prize left to me was another letter to pin on my chest.
Another "F"—fraud.
I felt as though I was a fraud of a woman. Two babies lost, at twenty-one years old, and I couldn't tell anyone about them. To the handful of pastors from our church who came by to visit me and the few others who knew I was in the hospital, we told that I'd had a cyst that ruptured. A plausible story, close to the truth, but certainly not the whole truth. The pregnancy remained our little secret, a secret that would continue to haunt me for years to come.
Oh, if only I'd known then what I know now. All the stuff that was still ahead of me at that moment—the war I would continue to fight internally—could largely have been avoided. My love for the babies I had lost, my failure to even grieve their deaths well because of my fear of being found out, my suffocating shame at not being good enough—I kept it all inside. I tried toughing it out all alone. How I wish I could've just said, "Look, everybody, I made a really poor choice, and because of that, I got pregnant. And I am so sorry, more than you know. But I still love Jesus, I'm not through following Him, and I am truly a different person because of Him. I am only here because of God's grace and forgiveness, and I want to live to worship Him every day for it, for what He's still going to do in my life to change me."
That's what I wish I would've said. Or something like it. But I didn't. I didn't say it because I didn't think they would've believed it, and some days I struggled to believe it as well.
But I'm here today to tell you—nothing good comes from not being known. I say all the time now that my journey toward following Jesus was super messy. I stumbled my way toward trusting Him. I fell flat on my face more times than I can count, and this story of my pregnancy is only one of those ways. I see women all the time who doubt their commitment toward God because of their messiness. They begin to follow Jesus, they give Him their lives, then they make a poor choice—usually a choice they've struggled with for years—and they feel as though they can't do this Christian life. I get it. I've been there. Those feelings are real. But they're also not truth. I know you may really feel like a failure, but it doesn't mean you are a failure. I know you really do feel unforgiveable, but you're not!
After my pregnancy, I had so many doubts about my ability to follow Jesus. I was so mad at myself for this mistake, and wondered if I would ever be able to be a woman who didn't do what I kept doing. A lot of days I didn't know because I'd proven myself such a failure. My failures, not God's forgiveness, were what kept and controlled my attention. I was dwelling on all that I had done wrong, instead of dwelling on all that God had done for me. My sin ruled my thoughts instead of the glorious grace of Jesus.
But I also began to understand how deep the love of the Father is for His children. My big sin (once again, all sins are big, this one just seemed super-duper big at the time) that I thought was so awful had already been paid for. God knew all the days of my life before I was even born, and He still chose to love me and pursue me. This is true for those of you who are stumbling your way toward Jesus as well. God knew how you would turn your back on Him, and He still chose to love you. God knew how you would harm your marriage, perhaps even destroy it, with one poor choice, and He still chose to love you. God knew you would struggle to accept your body so much that it would lead you to purge food from your system daily, and He still chose to love you. God knew you would drink so heavily that you would make choices that hurt those around you, and He still chose to love you. God knew you would have that abortion, and He still chose to love you.
God loves you.
His love is unending and cannot be thwarted by our poor decisions in life. His love is bigger than our capacity to even understand. His love is something we can hold on to when the rest of our world seems to be crashing down.
If I told you I believed these things to be true in the weeks and months following my failure and its aftermath, I'd be lying to you. Believing these truths about God took me years to grasp. For years, the secrets of my pregnancies haunted me and I feared being found out. I thought if anyone knew I'd gotten pregnant while I was following Jesus, they would declare me a fraud. Somehow I had elevated this one sin to the highest level, and I was certain everyone around me had elevated it to the same extent.
But struggling doesn't make you a fraud or a failure. Struggling through your faith is not an indication of lack of faith; struggling through your faith is an indication that you are fighting for your faith.
My prayer for you and for me is that we would be women who acknowledge we're struggling and that we love God with everything we've got. Those two can exist together: struggle and loving devotion. You're not a bad Christian because you're struggling with something. God is not ashamed of you, and you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself either.
I remember talking with my friend Maria about this part of my past. She had been struggling with infertility, and I decided to share with her about my miscarriages in hopes that somehow my pain would help her know she wasn't alone.
It was one of the first times I'd been able to open up about it. At this time in my life, I was still so hesitant about sharing my stories for fear of what someone would think of me . . . And if I was too out-front in talking about how I was trying to follow Jesus, and then I messed up big-time again . . . what would people think?
All these fears. All these worries.
Oh, what they do to us, when God just wants us free. Free to struggle without fear. Free to love Him without risk of tarnishing His faithfulness.
For as we talked that day, Maria didn't once make me feel less-than. You'd be amazed, once you dare to try it, how often you'll get this kind of response, not the one you dreaded and dreamed up into a monster. She just listened to my stories as I shared about the darkness God had brought me from. I'd said it, and it hadn't killed me. In fact, it made me feel God's love for me.
The next time I saw Maria, she said she'd brought me a little gift. (I have friends in my life who are the best at giving spontaneous gifts for no reason, and it always makes me feel so loved. Don't you just love gifts for no reason? Let's all go do that today! Buy someone a gift for no reason and see how it makes that person feel!)
She handed me this little bitty box, and when I opened it, I found a necklace inside, with two angel charms hanging from it. The meaning didn't strike me at first, and maybe she saw the confusion in my face. She smiled and told me the charms represented my two babies that I had lost to miscarriage all those years ago.
Oh, my, the emotions that rolled over me at that moment. Maria had not only listened to my story without judging me for my past, but had stepped into my journey by presenting me with this gift. She'd acknowledged the pain I had been through, and reminded me that God was in control of even the hardest parts of my story. What's more, my telling it had connected with a tender part of her own story—her infertility—and had given her a way of turning her struggle into something beautiful and caring, a painful place she could use to bless others rather than being consumed inside her own anguish.
Those charms became a longtime reminder to me that the parts of my story I felt were so hard to share were actually the tools God had given me to help unlock others' suffering and share the healing only He can bring to all our broken places. They didn't make me a failure. They didn't make me a fraud. They just made me a woman completely dependent on the love and grace of her heavenly Father.
They're all part of what it means to follow Him.
Chapter 6
Come, Thou Fount
{
In my mind, a pastor and a girl like me didn't exactly make couple material. It was one thing to say I wanted to date someone like that Aaron Ivey guy at church. But to actually do it? To actually have that kind of relationship? To have that kind of boyfriend? A good one? I don't know.
I mean, yeah, I was following God now, loving Him the best I knew how. He was truly moving mountains in my heart and life. I had come to know Him in ways I'd never experienced before. My whole sense of "normal" had begun to change. But still, this didn't change the fact that I had failed Him bad. And being able to date a good guy so soon after my last ginormous failure would be a little too much to ask, now, wouldn't it? That's what I was thinking. How much good stuff do I need to do before I can expect, or even accept, this kind of blessing? (Is that anti-gospel or what?!)
But as God would have it, just a few months after my second pregnancy and miscarriage, that super-nice Aaron guy from church did ask me out on a date. Remember, he had asked me out a year earlier, but . . . I knew better then, and I'd turned him down. He may have thought I was what he wanted, but—if he only knew, huh?—he didn't really want to attach himself that closely to somebody like me.
This time, though, when he asked, I said yes.
But in saying yes, I wasn't only saying yes to a date. I was saying yes to a whole lot more. There's no way a guy like him and a girl like me could just casually go out for a few months and then move on. It was either going to work forever or not at all. The only way I could agree for him to see me, I knew, was if I let him really see me. The real me. With all my dirty laundry to air. Then after he'd seen it, I assumed he'd do one of two things: he'd either run away as fast as he could, or he'd run to me and stay by my side forever. And if I had to guess which one he'd pick, I was pretty confident he'd be out. Either way, it would be up to him. He deserved to know what he was getting into.
So that's what I did. Or at least that's what I told him I was going to do. On our first date, I said I had a "few things" I needed to share with him. When I was ready. Which I wasn't, quite yet. But when I was, I'd tell him. I would. I promise.
I felt in that moment as though I were Cinderella on a first date with the prince. On the outside, here was this beautiful woman in her fairy godmother gown who looked like she deserved to be keeping company with such a great guy; but on the inside, she was terrified he would find out her true identity. She knew she was as much princess material as I am American Idol material. Tone-deaf people like me don't become superstar musical artists. And girls like Cinderella who've spent most of their lives covered in dirt—they don't get the prince.
So, on one hand, Cinderella was this close to being able to enjoy the freedom of loving someone, and of being loved herself. She was this close to feeling totally comfortable in her own skin, confident, completely at peace, made new all over again. All except for one thing—this one huge thing—that was hanging there in the way.
Her identity was holding her hostage.
And I just couldn't let that keep happening to me anymore. What I'd done had done enough. I couldn't stand letting it keep doing it to me for the rest of my life.
So I told Aaron I'd let him know when I was ready to fill him in on all my junk and, to my disbelief, he just said . . . "Okay."
That was it.
Okay.
He didn't ask a single question about it. The conversation just moved on. Like nothing had happened.
Okay.
All right, then, so here we see one of the eight million ways that Aaron and I are different. If that had been me, I would at least have asked for some sort of hint. I mean, is what you need to tell me something about jail time? Drug use? Do you have an STD? Are you missing a pinky toe? Come on, give me something. Put me in the ballpark. Don't leave me dangling to fill in the tantalizing blanks with whatever my wild imagination could think to scribble there.
And yet he didn't ask me even one more question on the subject. Nothing.
I guess you wouldn't be surprised to know, then, that the longer we dated, the more I knew I was falling in love with this man—this man who (side note here) had never kissed a girl in his life. And now here he was with me, the girl from church who (true story) everyone said he shouldn't be hanging around with, the one whose "few things" she needed to share with him involved, among other things, a lot of past sexual sin. Oh, and two unplanned pregnancies. No biggie.
What had I done to deserve someone like this? Better question—what all had I done to never deserve someone like this? In my entire dating life, I had never felt with anyone what I felt with him. I almost had to teach myself how to date all over again, since I'd never dated anyone as a woman who was following Jesus.
In my previous life, we would have had sex on our first date. Or even before.
In my previous life, I would have based our relationship mostly on our physical chemistry.
In my previous life, I would have felt loved because of what we did when the sparks started flying.
But this was so different. At times I felt lost. I wondered how he felt about me. I wondered if his love was true. I wondered how to love him well. I wondered a lot of things. I'd just never been in a relationship with a guy where I was loved for me instead of for what I could do for him. It was wonderful and terrifying all at once. On one hand, I desperately wanted things to be different so I would know I was truly changed. I loved waking up each day to see where our relationship was going next. But on the other hand, I often wished for the old ways because . . . well, at least I knew how to handle those situations. Dating one of the church pastors was obviously not that kind of situation.
Like, when you're dating a youth pastor, one of the things you find yourself doing is volunteering in the student ministry. So I was sort of in leadership now—sort of—since I was the girlfriend of one of the real leaders. Because wouldn't that make logical sense? To most people? But the truth is, even though I was twenty-two, I remember sitting through the worship and the teachings as if I were one of the kids in the youth group. Technically I was one of the "leaders," even though I was in the same boat spiritually as the students I was helping to lead. Because even though I'd practically grown up in church, all I'd really picked up during those years was a bunch of head knowledge. Experiencing real intimacy with God was all new to me.
I felt so inadequate. So out of my element. This dating a pastor was making me do things and feel things I'd never done or felt before.
I'd have to say this is where my journey of shame truly began. Or at least where it truly intensified. I was trying to live up to a title. Because, after all, if I was the youth pastor's girlfriend, I should have it together, right? What if all these people I was hanging around so closely now—the high school girls, the other leaders, even the main pastors of the church—what if they knew what my life truly looked like seven years ago? Even one year ago?
So I began to stuff all the feelings and memories of my past deeper inside, hoping that if I said the right things and did the right things, I would surely look like a "good" youth pastor's girlfriend. That way, maybe no one would ever ask me about my life before I met Jesus or the road I'd walked when I was younger. It would be my little secret between me and God. He had forgiven me, the Bible said, so now I just needed to act like a good Christian girl.
Block all the rest of it out.
But that wasn't going to do. I'd already told Aaron I would tell him. And pretty soon, I couldn't hold it in any longer.
At the end of May, we were on a trip with some of our students on South Padre Island, a resort town on the Gulf Coast, down at the southernmost tip of Texas. All spring I'd been asking God to confirm in me the moment when I should share my story with this man I was coming to love so dearly. I'd prayed for God to soften Aaron's heart, to make him ready to hear what I knew would probably land on him with a shock, even though I guessed he'd probably been bracing himself for the worst. I could only imagine how someone who'd saved himself sexually for marriage would feel hurt and uncertain when he realized the one he loved had not.
I was so afraid of what would happen when I was completely honest with him. I was broken over the "me" that I was giving him. He was a man of God with a great future ahead of him. And to be honest, he might have just been better off with someone a bit more put together than me. Someone more holy. I had been following Jesus for a little over a year, not to mention I'd been pregnant nine months earlier. In my mind, Aaron was getting the short end of the stick in this relationship, and I wondered if he would think the same thing after I opened up to him. If he decided he didn't want to be with me anymore at that point, it would've made all the sense in the world.
But as I was about to find out, love oftentimes doesn't make sense. Not when God is involved.
What happened that night on the beach is one of the most special moments of my life. Rarely if ever have I so tangibly felt the love of the Father. We'd shared a supersweet time of worship on the beach with the students, we'd all taken Communion together, and then everyone had dispersed to their rooms. I stayed on the beach, undetected by everyone leaving. In my heart, I knew it was time. Tonight was the night I would lay it all out on the table. God made clear He was with me. It was time to let Aaron into my whole story.
I have no idea how long I sat there in the sand alone before he eventually came out looking for me. At the time, I was lost in praying, crying, begging God to make this easy. For me. For Aaron. Only in looking back does it make me giggle that God would choose a moment when we were out of town for me to do this. I mean, if things had gone bad, it would have made for an awkward bus ride back home.
But Aaron found me in the same spot where I'd been all night. He sat down in front of me, his back to the ocean. I think he knew, too—this was it. This was the moment when I would tell him all those things I couldn't say five months earlier. I was finally ready.
Even as I type these words, I can still hear the waves crashing against the sand, like a metronome of my heart. One beat after another, one crash after another. The moon was our only light, as though we were alone on an island and the rest of the world had disappeared. The glow of God's presence seemed to be all around us as we entered into one of the most intimate spaces we'd ever shared together. As the story poured out of me.
And I held nothing back.
I started from the beginning, just as I've done with you in this book, and all the shame and all the sorrow came bubbling over through tears that streamed down my face. I don't remember how long I talked, but I do remember that Aaron never wavered—never looked surprised, was never annoyed, never upset. Nothing but love shone through his eyes. The whole time. Till I'd said everything I'd been wanting to say.
There. I'd done it. I had said it. All.
And what would happen next, I honestly didn't know. Would our relationship continue? Maybe so, maybe not. I had been feeling as though it was about to go somewhere, somewhere really special, but it was all hanging on this moment. Would I prove to be simply too much for him to handle? I would have been devastated if that were the case, but I had come to terms with the fact that he might just walk away. And I'd decided I could live with that—because in opening up my heart and telling all the truth about myself to Aaron, I was doing more than just letting the man I loved into my mess; I was also trusting God with this story for the first time as well. Trusting Him enough to share my mess with someone I loved. And even if my ugly story wasn't going to end up being safe in Aaron's hands, I knew it was safe in God's hands. I knew He would do something special with this moment, even if it didn't lead to anything special anymore between Aaron and me.
In my sixteen years of marriage, I can only think of about five times when I've seen Aaron cry. But that night, as I was talking to him, as we held hands on the beach and looked into each other's eyes, tears began falling down his cheeks. I could tell they weren't tears of anger, disgust, or regret. He was crying real tears of sorrow. Crying with me. Compassion and love were overflowing as he rubbed my hands while I shared. The only time he let go of them was to wipe away tears from both of our cheeks.
After I finished, I stared at him through the tears in my own eyes and waited for the results. In my deepest of hearts, I wanted him to stay. But in my flesh, I knew he didn't have to. No one would have blamed him if he'd bailed and decided this was just too much. People had already advised him to steer clear of girls like me, so it would've been no big deal for him to raise the white flag and leave the relationship.
But instead, his words to me set the precedent for my healing from shame that would continue over the next ten years. Because even though it would be a long time before I could share these parts of my story with anyone else, I knew in that moment this man would be by my side until one of us left this earth.
He looked at me and said, "You have nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed of, Jamie, because that's not even the girl I know. You aren't defined by your past. I love you."
It was—and still is—the most Christ-like encounter I've ever experienced with another person in my entire life. It gave me a glimpse of what it felt like to be seen the way God truly sees me. I knew in my head that God delighted in me, that He loved me, that He cared for me, that He believed in me, that He forgave me, that He could (and would) use me for whatever good purpose He desired, that I was still capable of bringing Him glory. But my heart would often try to convince my head that those things weren't true. Yet He used this indescribable moment with my future husband to proclaim to me through a human voice all the things about my true identity that He was already declaring. He used Aaron to be an example of the love of Christ for me.
I was changed forever that night.
By telling it all. And by receiving even more.
And for that reason, I've never felt another day of shame in front of Aaron about my past. Not once. We don't even need to talk about it anymore. It's not part of our normal day-to-day conversations. I just know. That night on the beach proved his love and acceptance of me. All of me. The good and the bad. It was done. And it was incredible—as anyone who's ever felt the relief of getting their secrets out in the open will tell you.
I had known Jesus loved me and redeemed me, and I didn't need Aaron to accept me to make any of that any more true. It sure did feel good, however, knowing I was loved by my Father in heaven in spite of myself, and also by the man I would eventually marry.
Yet even as loved and accepted as I felt in that moment, I continued to live in fear of what others would think of me and how I would be perceived. So in many ways—in most ways—I kept hiding the pain in my heart, along with the true experience of my redemption. It would still be many more years before I'd finally learn this important lesson: When we hide the mess we've been through, we also hide the redemption that God has lavishly poured on us.
We can't proclaim His grace until we expose our mess.
Every Tuesday, as I've mentioned, I get the joy of spending two hours at the local jail with women who want to learn about Jesus, helping them figure out how to do life again once they are released. It's a seven-week program. We talk with them about creating a résumé, dressing for a job interview, finding safe housing, getting a bus pass, finding a rehab center—all the things they need for re-entry into the world.
But we also talk with them about Jesus in one way or another. Some weeks we share Him through our prayers and conversations. Other weeks it's through presenting the gospel to them in a way that hopefully makes sense. Because more than anything, we pray their lives will be changed. More than we want them to get good jobs, we want them to know how much they are loved, adored, cared for, and treasured by the Creator of the universe. We want them to know that their true freedom comes from Jesus.
One week after class, a few of us were chatting, and Sara (one of the women we'd met there) was sharing with us her plans for the next few years. After her release, she hoped to get into a certain program that would help her get back on her feet. She desperately wanted this to work, and I sensed she was actually hopeful for her future. She had been in jail before, been in rehab before, even been in the program before that she was now so eager to get into again.
But beyond hoping she was finally on the right track this time, she was wrestling with a much deeper question as well. Would God, when He looked at her—when she was on the outside—would He still see her crimes? Would He still expect her to pay time for her sins, the way she was doing now in jail?
Makes sense, doesn't it, why she would ask that. Why wouldn't the same principle that held her in jail translate into her future? Why wouldn't she need to keep paying for her sins until a holy God decided she'd paid enough?
She was certainly right about one thing. Our sins do need to be paid for. But not by us, we told her. That was done by Jesus on the cross. We need to believe in what He's done and stop trying to do the impossible ourselves. Because when we are followers of Jesus, the only thing God sees when He looks at us is the righteousness of Christ, not the guilt of our sins.
For a split second, I saw something in her eyes I hadn't seen before. A sigh of relief went almost visibly through her body. You could tell the gospel had clicked with her.
Freedom. Forgiveness. No more guilt and shame.
And even as we were explaining this to Sara, her reaction reminded me how I'd felt, too, in my early years of following Jesus. I'd known I was covered in His righteousness. I'd known I didn't deserve it and couldn't do anything to earn it. I'd known salvation was a free gift from God. But sometimes I wondered if I could be good enough to take away all the bad things I had done in my life.
Truly, Sara is just like us. As a follower of Jesus, she is free. Clean and forgiven. Righteous before God. When He looks at her, He doesn't see her past; He sees only the girl He loves because of what Jesus did over two thousand years ago.
It would be years before I truly understood this.
Thirteen months after that conversation on the beach, Aaron and I would be married. Throughout our dating and engagement, we had grown in our love, and I had grown in my relationship with the Lord. Yet as much as I felt loved by Aaron, in the back of my mind I always felt so used and dirty. I just couldn't seem to let it go. I knew God had redeemed my life, but it didn't change the fact that I had been sexually active since I was sixteen years old. Neither God nor Aaron ever did anything to make me feel condemnation, but I so desperately wished I could change my past.
As our wedding day approached, I started to become anxious about the intimate aspects in our marriage and what it would be like when we started sharing those together. I worried that I would know too much, or would seem too comfortable with it that first night. I desperately wanted our wedding night to feel new and different and special. While all my friends who hadn't had sex were praying for things to go well on their wedding night, praying for it not to hurt too much, I was praying in the other direction. I was asking God to strip away any memory of sex, to make me uncomfortable, in fact, in the intimacy of the first night. I wanted Him to literally make me feel as though this was the first time I had ever done it.
I had shared some of these concerns with my friend Rachel. And the night before our wedding, she gave me one of the sweetest gifts ever—a letter that spoke so deeply to my heart. I still have it to this day. I cherish her words to me so much. And while I know this letter is a little long I promise it's worth it, and I have a feeling you might really need to hear it all, the way I needed to hear it that night.
It went like this. After apologizing for not having enough money to buy me anything else—Ha! We were college students then!—Rachel wrote:
God gave me something very precious that I believe He wants me to give to you for your wedding gift. The other day I was just flipping through my Bible and these words jumped off the page. God spoke volumes to me as I read this passage in Ezekiel. As I thought and prayed about what I could give you as a gift, God spoke to my heart and told me to give you these words from HIS love letter. I pray that God speaks directly to your heart words of hope, peace, and love. You are awesome, and He wrote these words for you . . .
She then wrote out the entire passage from Ezekiel 16:8–14, which I'm going to print out for you, too, because whatever God says in the Bible is a whole lot more important than anything else I've been trying to write here.
Ezekiel 16 is a prophetic description of how God treated His people after many generations of their idolatry and rebellion, enough that He'd been forced to discipline them severely by allowing the Babylonians to invade and conquer their land, hauling them off into captivity. So in these verses, He speaks to them as though they'd been an adulterous woman, yet He does it in language that could only come from a Husband who wanted nothing other than to see them clean and pure and restored to wholeness again.
Here you go, then . . .
Later I passed by, and when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine.
I bathed you with water and washed the blood from you and put ointments on you. I clothed you with an embroidered dress and put leather sandals on you. I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry: I put bracelets on your arms and a necklace around your neck, and I put a ring on your nose, earrings on your ears and a beautiful crown on your head. So you were adorned with gold and silver; your clothes were of fine linen and costly fabric and embroidered cloth. Your food was fine flour, honey and olive oil. You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen. And your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because the splendor I had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the Sovereign Lord. (Ezek. 16:8–14 niv)
I'm getting chills at this point, as I was reading. I had been praying such crazy prayers, I thought, realizing there was no way God could truly answer them in the way I was hoping He would. And yet right here in the Bible was my Father in heaven, talking to someone just like me, telling me exactly what He plans to do with His children who've made such a mess of their lives that they can't clean themselves up any other way, unless He does it for them—something He not only can do, but actually wants to do because He loves us so much.
Rachel finished her letter like this . . .
I know that God has made you a new creation—it is so evident. God has restored you from the pain and regrets of your past. You are completely pure in the sight of the God who has created you. He has washed you, adorned you, and put a crown on your head and called you beautiful. Isn't that so incredible? Isn't HE so incredible? We serve such a faithful God, who takes so much delight in the work of restoration.
Tomorrow as you dress in your wedding garments, remember how Christ dressed you. The reward He has given you is priceless—an incredible, godly man who loves Christ and you. I pray that your love for each other grows over the years. You and Aaron have been such a testimony to Matt and I. I am so honored that you would let me be such a special part of your wedding. I praise God for you and for our friendship. You are so awesome, and I love you so much. I pray that tomorrow is the most wonderful day of your life and the beginning of a thousand more! Thank you for everything! Happy Wedding! Have sweet dreams! —Rachel
Whew! Huh?
Rachel got me. She knew me. She understood how desperately I wanted to be a new creation sexually. But what she was trying to remind me—what I had forgotten—was that God had already done it, more completely than I could ever ask or dream. He had made my whole person a new creation by doing something only He could do, something He does because of the gospel. As the Bible says, "If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (2 Cor. 5:17). Because of Jesus, and only because of Jesus, I was able to hold my head high as I put on my white wedding dress to marry the man of my dreams.
Aaron, of course, never knew me during my wild and crazy days. He only knew what I had told him. (Which, I'm sure you believe me by now, is more than enough!) But I knew the great work God had done in my heart, as did a handful of people in the church on that day. My parents, for instance, had walked through so much with me, and they stood there to testify to the truth of how He'd made a new creation of my life. My best friend, Amy, who knew all the stories from my past, stood beside me as I proclaimed my love for Aaron and how far God had brought me in my walk with Him.
That's why, although every bride is able to remember the details and moods and feelings of her wedding day, I had something a little extra to celebrate as the doors of the church opened and the bagpipes began to play "Come, Thou Fount," a song that meant so much to me then, and even more to me now.
My dad and I looked down the aisle to my waiting groom, while everyone stood. I felt so proud of the woman I had become. I could feel my dad beaming with pride, too, for what God had done in both of our lives. Although not everyone in the room knew where I'd been, they all knew where I was going and that Jesus had changed my life.
As I walked toward my future husband, I sang the song in my heart that, to this day, I can hardly sing without my eyes welling up with tears.
Come, Thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the Mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.
Do you know it? Can you hear it? You want to just sing along with me? Come on . . .
Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I come.
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
This is the part of the song—this next part—where, every time I sing it, the tears begin flowing. For although I grew up in the church, I was truly a stranger to God until He sought me out. I knew a lot about Him, but I had been so far from Him. Still, He brought these incredible words to life—in my life—just as I hope He's done in yours.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God.
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.
And then that last verse. Oh, that last verse . . .
O, to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be.
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
I can't think of a more perfect love song I could have sung to my heavenly Father as I made the walk down the aisle to my husband. We had chosen this song because we knew how God had rescued both of us from danger by sending His Son for us. We knew we were prone to wander, and we were begging Him to seal our hearts, both to Himself and to one another. We were committing our lives to Him as the Savior of our souls and the author of our salvation, wanting to love Him and love each other well for the rest of our days.
With the possible exception of that night on the beach with Aaron, never before had God's kindness been more personal to me than when I stood with my groom in that church. When God changed my life and I started following Jesus, I never imagined He would lavish such love on me by giving me a man who not only loved me dearly, but who also saw Jesus in me and not my past.
I was finally learning to receive God's loving-kindness.
If I'd only known how sweet it could be.
But you know what? I still didn't realize even then—even standing next to Aaron, even with my redemption on such dazzling display in that life-defining moment—just what Christ had died to do for me, how complete and utterly boundless His grace is for me. It would be years before I dealt fully with the shame that entangled my heart, while I continued to believe if I could just act the part, I could overcome all the bad stuff by doing all the good stuff.
What I quickly learned, however, was that acting the part is suffocating to the soul. There's only one way to end the bondage and finally settle into freedom. Would I have the courage to open myself even wider than I'd already done, so that I could be more contented and confident in Him than I'd ever been?
Chapter 7
Owning My New Identity
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Remember at the end of high school when they announce the people who are "Most Likely to _________"? Then they fill in the blanks with things like, "Most Likely to Succeed," "Most Likely to Stay Single," "Most Likely to Become Famous." You get the point here.
I never received any of those "Most Likely to . . ." awards in high school, but I can only imagine what I would have received if they'd given me one. As I told you before, my identity in high school was squeaky clean. Sure, I did things I shouldn't have done, but nothing worse than any of my other friends were doing. It wasn't like I was leading the tribe in sneaking out and getting drunk; I was just one of the many people doing it. The nice, church-girl, overachiever image was enough to counterbalance everything.
So my "Most Likely" would have consisted of super normal things: "Most Likely to Get Married Early," "Most Likely to Become a Teacher," "Most Likely to Become a Mom." Yet on the inside my identity was in shambles. I knew I wasn't "likely" to do any of those things. And as I worked my way through college, the predictions would only have gotten worse: "Most Likely to Get Divorced," "Most Likely to Get a Disease," "Most Likely to Get Pregnant." (Well, that one actually did happen, but thankfully not the others.)
If we're not careful, our whole identity can become wrapped up in what other people think we're supposed to be or what we think we're supposed to do. Perhaps today, for example, you're basing your identity on something as fresh and recent as how you acted last night and what somebody said to you or accused you of. Or you're finding your identity in the mom you want to be, or the mom you hate that you are. Maybe you're finding your identity in the job you have, or the job you wish you had but can't seem to get hired for.
Maybe you find part of your identity in what you did this summer, or what you wish you'd done this summer, compared to what everybody else was doing (and bragging about doing). Maybe you find your identity in the ministries you perform at church and how people perceive your "Christian" standing because of it. Maybe you find your identity in your passions, in your body mass index, in your checkbook balance, in your home décor choices, or whatever other kinds of indicators seem to measure your worth and success as a person. We are constantly finding our identity from everything around us, from everywhere we go, and from everything people say and think about who we are or who we should be.
But this is not who we are. And we always need to remember that.
A few years ago, one of my kids came home from school, super down about his day. He just wasn't his chipper self when I picked him up. And when we arrived home, he went straight to his room and wanted to be alone. I feel this way myself sometimes, so I gave him his space. But when I circled back around to see him later that night, he started to unfold the story for me.
He told me how during the day, some kids at school had been talking about all those "Most Likely to . . ." categories, and his friends announced they had voted him "Most Likely to Lose at Arm Wrestling." My first inclination was to laugh. From my vantage point as an adult, of course, being known as the best arm wrestler in third grade doesn't mean much. But I held back my giggles because I could see this insult had been a real blow to my son's nine-year-old heart, because his friends had made him sad . . . and "because I'm strong," he told me.
"I know you are," I said, pulling my sweet boy close to me, hugging him. Now, I didn't do the "my kid's better than your kid" thing by telling him he was stronger than everybody else. I also didn't tell him his friends were stupid and that I'd beat them all up if he wanted me to. (Although I did think that!) I just whispered into his ear, telling him he was a child of God whose identity was already secured, and that his identity in Christ is the only identity he ever needs to be worried about. He didn't need to be devastated or heartbroken over what his friends were saying, because that identity never matters.
And I wonder if that's not what our Father wants to do when we come home from another day of combat, with all those false identities screaming in our head. Can't you just hear Him coming close and saying, "My sweet daughter, those thoughts you're thinking are not true. Remember My promises to you? My Word is true. You know this. You are a child of Mine. You are a new creation. I have made you alive with Christ, and I have chosen you to be My daughter so that I can do great things through you."
Over and over I've needed Him to whisper these truths to me—through His Word, through His Spirit, through my community. And if past (and current) history are any indication, I feel pretty sure I'll be struggling to believe it until the day I take my final breath on this earth, until I'm face-to-face with Jesus. Of the numerous things in my life that I battle nearly every single day, remembering my identity is one of them. It's been that way from an early age, as I imagine it's probably been for you.
When Aaron and I got married, I was still a complete mess about my identity. All those memories of guilt, all those memories of my shortcomings, all those memories of my sin—they all came back to haunt me. Even with my whole future ahead of me, even with everything God had done to chase me down and rescue me from the path I'd been following for so long, my past was still what I thought defined me. Therefore, despite my husband's love for me, I couldn't seem to shake those thoughts of being defiled, unlovable, unclean, and disgusting. At my lowest points, I even wondered if Aaron ever thought those words about me.
And goodness sakes, this whole "pastor's wife" title, while a wonderful thing to be—well, you can imagine why this was problematic for me. How in the world could I be married to a pastor? I was constantly wondering what people would think of me if they truly knew what I'd been through the past few years. Would people be asking if someone like me could actually serve God? Would they trust me as a true Christian? I mean, do "real" Christians get pregnant by someone who's not even their boyfriend when they're supposedly committed to following Jesus?
For some reason, I felt as though being a pastor's wife came with certain iron-clad requirements. It wasn't just given to you; you had to earn it. Only the best Christian women in the church could marry a pastor, and I didn't feel anywhere close to that. I was still under the skewed impression that being a leader meant you were better than others, that if you really loved God, you never messed up. And I'd messed up a lot. In fact, Satan, and the lies of my heart, had spent many years convincing me that I was worse than anyone else, that my failures were so grand that people would never be able to see past them.
So how had I ever ended up in this "pastor's wife" camp? I felt so inadequate for it.
But let me just clear the air really quick for all of you who may be wondering. Pastor's wives are real people. They lose their temper just like you do. They go to the bathroom just like you do. They cry in movies just like you do. They get jealous just like you do. They get promotions just like you do. They've probably even let a curse word slip out of their mouth a time or two, just like . . . well, maybe that's not like you, but then again, maybe it is. Pastor's wives are normal people, just like you. And if you're in a church that creates a culture of putting its leaders on a pedestal, where they're better than the rest of the church, I ask you to question how it's affecting people who walk into your church feeling broken, in need of love and acceptance, and already not feeling good enough to receive it. For while God's Word does say that leaders and teachers are held to a higher standard, I'm also a firm believer that leaders of churches should be vulnerable with their people. No one should be left wondering if those in positions of spiritual authority are above having any struggles. If the leaders of your church have never admitted to sin struggles from their platforms, you might need to find some new leaders. I despise the day that I ever quit admitting my own need for a Savior. My wretched heart is still so prone to wonder.
Okay, getting off soap box now. Let's carry on.
I knew in my head that I was forgiven, that Jesus had taken on my sin, and that I was a new creation. But I struggled so much to truly believe it. I carried so much shame around for the first few years of our marriage, shame that took years for me to untangle. I told you earlier about the "pins" I felt destined to wear, and that if anyone knew of them all, I would surely be discredited. So I was determined to be such a good person that no one would suspect all these badges I continued to pin on my chest. If only I was good enough, I thought, no one would know—which, for me, meant respecting my husband as humbly as I could, going to as many Bible studies as possible, working on all the teams I served on, not drinking alcohol or doing any of the other crazy things I'd done in my past. All I needed to do was keep being good, keep trying to get everyone else to have a good opinion of me. I was always fishing for a better identity than the one I carried around in my heart and mind, based on how well I was performing as pastor's wife Jamie—trying so hard to be good, while constantly thinking that people thought the worst of me.
But over time, God began to reveal Himself to me in ways I'd never been willing to accept. He allowed me to believe things about myself that I had not been believing before. I finally started to learn that my identity is not skewed because of all the things I've done or haven't done, but is secured by all the things Jesus has done (as well as by what He hasn't done, like condemn and reject me). My identity is only what it is today—a daughter of the King—because of Jesus. It has nothing to do with me.
So I'm not "most likely to" anything anymore, in terms of who I am in Christ. "Most likely" has been replaced by absolute assurance that I am loved and cherished by my heavenly Father, despite all that He knows of me. And when I finally began believing this truth—that God could use a broken, messed-up person like me (yes, even a broken, messed-up pastor's wife) for His glory—I could finally breathe a sigh of relief. That's when things really started to change for me.
I know it can be the same for you.
You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. (1 Pet. 2:9–10)
God's Word says some amazing things about us—that we are chosen, loved, equipped, made worthy. Once we were a bunch of nobodies, but now we are children of God. Not just children of God, but a "royal priesthood."
This is one of my all-time favorite elements of our identity. Priests were essential throughout the Old Testament in helping people experience their relationship with Almighty God. The priests came from a certain family line, having been chosen from among the entire nation for this special office, able to petition and offer sacrifices for the atonement of the people's sins. Nobody else could do this. Being holy and set apart was part of their identity. And today, because of what Christ, our great High Priest, has done for us in the sacrifice of Himself, everyone who's a child of God is now a full-fledged member of His "royal priesthood"—not because of anything we've earned or accomplished, but simply because that's who God declares us to be.
And notice this. Among the reasons for why He's set us up as royal priests is so we can "proclaim [His] excellencies." Now, if this new identity we held was based on our own efforts, if it wasn't based solely on the broad shoulders "of him who called [us] out of darkness into his marvelous light," the main way we would show His greatness would be through doing good things, from doing all the right things. And while His beauty does come shining through us when we trust and obey Him, we actually proclaim His excellencies the loudest when we tell people how we used to be in darkness, how He brought us into the light, and how He continues to love and pursue us even when we fail.
I didn't get that for years. I thought I was still building my identity. I thought I was still overcoming my past, constantly playing catch-up in order to compensate for it, always needing to prove—to God, to others, and even to myself—that I was good enough to belong, especially with all my baggage. But when we are finding our identity in anything other than Jesus Christ, we are setting ourselves up for failure every single time. We are leading ourselves down the old, familiar pathway of . . .
Shame.
Ugh. Let's talk about shame. Mind if we talk about shame?
I'm guessing you don't mind if we do, because shame is where so many of us have walked (and continue to walk). Perhaps you're one, in fact, who's kind of given up hope of ever being able to walk anywhere else than in shame, without its clouds and shadows hanging over you.
I'm afraid I'm way more familiar with shame than I'd like to be. According to Webster's dictionary, shame is "a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety." Shame is what hits us when we remember things we didn't do well, places where we fell short of measuring up. The memory of it—the "consciousness of guilt"—is what brings shame on. And let me tell you, if you don't already know it yourself from firsthand experience, it is suffocating.
If the Enemy had his way, shame is what we'd all take on as our identity. All the things we think about ourselves, all the things we've done, all the things we haven't done, all the things we worry that others are seeing and concluding about us—all of it would become blended together into what we'd naturally define as our identity.
But let me shoot a little straight with you here, because I think this is something we all need to hear, myself included. As believers and followers of God, here's our identity: We are women who are being cleansed, changed, and "conformed to the image of his Son" (Rom. 8:29), so that we look more like Him every day. We are daughters of the living God, covered in Christ's righteousness, set apart for His own wise and merciful purposes. "Even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him" (Eph. 1:4). This is our identity. And what prideful people we are whenever we put our own shameful thoughts about ourselves above the thoughts that our loving heavenly Father has said He thinks about us.
The death of shame in our lives is tied to believing that His view of us is greater than the world's view of us, and especially greater than our own view of ourselves and of our sin. We must stop creating our own identity based on our past or other people's perceptions, and start walking out the identity that Christ has given us. You are not defined by your marital status, your mothering status, your online status, or any other status, but only by your eternally secure status as a CHILD OF GOD.
Edward Welch, author of Shame Interrupted, says, "To be human is to experience shame, but to be human is also to hope. The ashamed person doesn't want to remain unclean forever, and he or she doesn't have to."
Because Jesus has given us a whole new identity.
Each week at the jail with the women we serve there, our time begins with someone sharing from God's Word. Our love for them is so deep that we crave for them to trust Him with their lives. Whether while gathered there in the room with us or in the stillness of their bunk after hours, we pray they'll decide to follow Him with all their hearts. It's our biggest desire for them.
Recently we were circled up in the group discussing boundaries, and—as is almost always the case, no matter what we're talking about—the subject drifted to these girls' aspirations of being loved and wanted. It's amazing to watch these needs surface during every single conversation we share with them. To say I don't understand why this happens would be a lie. Don't we all understand this deep desire of theirs?
So, as we were supposed to be discussing healthy boundaries, a woman named Rachel began describing all the ways she was identified by the people around her, using words not suitable for this book or probably any other piece of adult material. As I listened, my heart broke for her and continued to break further with every word she uttered.
Rachel had lived the life of a prostitute for many years, and—well, let me just say, I know how easy it can be to stereotype someone who's resorted to this lifestyle, but I refuse for you to judge her, because you don't know her world. Neither do I, but I've learned a lot about it from my time spent with these women in the jail. We can't judge someone for the shoes they walk in, when we've never had to put those shoes on our own feet. We just can't.
Anyway, tears began to slowly fill her eyes, soon spilling over and rushing down her cheeks as she talked. She felt so worthless. She believed every single identifying word she'd been told by those around her, all the verbal pins she'd laid out there for the rest of us to see.
I'll be honest, I have no idea if Rachel is a follower of Jesus. I know she heard about Him for the weeks she was in our class, and I continue to pray she is letting Him reach her in the deep places of her heart. But in that emotional moment, I connected eyes with Rachel, as tears began trickling down my own cheeks as well. And I spoke truth to her. People had ascribed a lot of "Most Likely" badges to her future, and I wanted her to know those shameful predictions were not hers to carry around for the rest of her life.
I told her that no matter what she thought of herself, and no matter what anyone else said about her, she was not any of those things. They didn't define her. I told her that God loved her no matter what she had done. I told her that these things from her past were not her identity, whether she lived the rest of her days behind bars or whether she created a new life for herself outside those walls. I told her that Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12), that He can change her identity, same as He'd changed ours, and could call her His own.
There's only one reason why I was able to proclaim the excellencies of Christ in that dark place of haunting memories and crippling shame: because I knew from personal experience where He'd brought me from, to place me in His marvelous light. These weren't just spiritual ideas I was sharing with her about her identity; they were truths I'd seen take root in my life, tugging up big, ugly clumps of fear and shame that had buried their claws in my heart for as long as I could remember.
My story, like your story, is not the story that others have written about us, nor is it the thick autobiography we've felt the need to write about ourselves. Our stories are redemption stories—the stories of redeemed identities. We were lost, but now we are found. We were orphaned, but now we are adopted. We were unloved, but now we are loved. Unacceptable, now unconditionally accepted. Disgraceful, but now showered in grace. And when we operate from that true identity in Christ, who knows how many Rachels could catch their first glimpse of something greater about themselves than the story they've felt doomed to live out.
Your identity is not a bunch of wishful thinking, pasted into the Bible in hopes of making you feel better. It is the solid ground of who you really are, now that Jesus has shined His forgiving light on your situation. Cling to it. Believe it. Claim it as your own.
You and I don't have to walk in shame or in others' shadows anymore.
All our "Most Likely" losses have been redeemed by the Most High.
Chapter 8
Sin Shock
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It's so hard to be like Jesus," my friend Andrea told me one Sunday at church. We were sitting on the front row (because I'm a good pastor's wife, and that's where I sit—obviously!) chatting about some hard things from her previous week. She was clearly frustrated with certain people, and their sins, and their actions, because each of these sins and actions were affecting her and her family. She laid it all out there, lamenting how hard it can be to treat people the way Jesus did. I nodded along, but I haven't gotten that phrase out of my head.
"It's so hard to be like Jesus."
Isn't that the truth? It's so hard to be like Jesus, and yet the Scripture says to "be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Eph. 5:1–2). So being like Jesus is what we're explicitly told to do, and yet it's so challenging to actually do this—to walk with the love that Jesus showed, to give ourselves up for people the way Jesus did.
Jesus encountered people all of the time who were struggling with sin, and in all His encounters with them, He was never once shocked by their sin. He was disheartened by their sin; He was broken for their sin; He would eventually be condemned for their sin. But what we never see Jesus say to someone is this:
"How could you?"
"I'm so ashamed of you."
"Who do you think you are?"
No, and the reason we don't see Jesus react this way is because He knows something about people. We are sinful people. "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Rom. 3:23). Every single one of us. Jesus never encountered anyone who hadn't sinned, and yet He loved them in the midst of their sin. This is why it's hard to be like Jesus. He loved no matter what. He continued to pursue. No matter what. He stepped into messy situations. No matter what.
Now, before you get upset with me, let me clarify something again, in case you were sort of skimming over the last couple of paragraphs. Yes, Jesus is offended by sin, because all sin is against Him. Yes, Jesus is appalled at sin, because all sin is against Him. Yes, Jesus is outraged over sin, because all sin is against Him. But in all my years of reading about Jesus, I've yet to find a time when He is shocked by sin. Taken aback by sin. Flabbergasted by sin. There's no "Really? Again?" or "You seriously need to get your act together."
Never.
But can I just go out on a limb here, and say that we struggle to be like Jesus? Being like Jesus is hard on many levels, of course. (Understatement of the year, I know!) But this "not being shocked by sin" is one area we really struggle with. We are often shocked at people's sin when it's revealed to us or when they confess it to us. We think . . .
"I would never do that!"
"I thought you were better than that!"
I call this SIN SHOCK. And it's a problem in our lives and in our churches. I believe it's one of the major hindrances to women becoming free from their guilt and shame. You won't find this term in the dictionary, although after a quick Internet search, I did find a Japanese movie called Sin, Shock (weird, right?!). Still, I'd like to think I made it up. Even if I didn't, it's my book and I can say whatever I want. Moving on.
Sin shock occurs when someone confesses their sin, or their sin is brought to the light, and people around them are shocked by what they're seeing and hearing. I get it. We all do this, sometimes without even knowing it. We take on the posture of someone who could never do such a thing as the person who's confessing to us has done. We push people away with our words and/or body language. Whether we intend to or not, we create a space where confession is not wanted or welcomed. But I want us to think about what this does to the culture we're trying to develop in our churches and other relationships.
I have a dear friend who's struggled with worry and anxiety throughout much of her life, which have led to many crippling bouts with depression. Sometimes the weight of it has confined her to bed for days, fighting stomach pains and so much more that's been brought on by this condition. I'll never forget one day when we were talking about this, and I asked if she'd ever talked to anyone at her church about her struggles . . . because maybe if her community knew about it, I figured, they could help walk beside her through this battle.
What she said next has never left my brain, and it's the essence of what sin shock does to a community. She told me she wasn't ready to tell anyone about it because her husband was going through the process of becoming a deacon, and she wasn't sure how they would feel about her (and him) if they knew about her struggles. The reason she hadn't told anyone was because of what they would think of her, because of what she either rightly or wrongly perceived as their potential sin shock.
I have cried so many tears over this epidemic in our church culture. I have cried tears over my own struggle with this. I have cried tears over women choking down their battles with sin, living all alone with them, out of fear for what the rest of us would think. Let me tell you right now . . .
This MUST change.
We need to be creating a culture in our churches where people feel the freedom to confess their sins BECAUSE WE HAVE JESUS. We need to be creating a culture where people are expected to come regularly to each other in repentance BECAUSE WE HAVE JESUS. We need to be creating a culture where people can talk about their struggles BECAUSE WE HAVE JESUS.
God's Word is clear that "none is righteous, no, not one" (Rom. 3:10). Paul himself confessed, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing" (Rom. 7:18–19). And yet, in almost the next breath, he tells us, "There is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1).
What if we truly just admitted that we all sin, we all mess up, we all let others down, and we'll all keep on doing it until the day we die. Why? Because we are sinners. We are human. We are fallen people in desperate need of a Savior. It's who we are.
And what if we truly believed that those around us will let us down, goof up, make bad choices, and struggle through life until the day they die too, because they're all sinners, same as us. They are human. They are fallen people in desperate need of a Savior. It's who they are.
If we are to imitate Jesus, one thing we must begin to do is allow people to confess and repent in a safe place, because Jesus constantly provided a safe place for sinners to be transformed. We must be churches, and groups, and friends, and women who say to one another that we value confession and repentance over secrets and perceived perfection, because there's no need for pretending to be people we're not.
John 8 tells about an encounter between Jesus and a sinful woman, where He saves her life both physically and spiritually. This story is one of my favorites in the Bible, because I can relate to this woman on so many levels. I have felt what she must have been feeling in that moment. And if you've never read this story for yourself, or if you haven't in a while, I encourage you to drag out your Bible, dust it off, and prepare to fall in love with Jesus again in the eighth chapter of John.
Jesus was teaching people early in the morning at the temple, when the scribes and Pharisees (enforcers of the religious law, basically) busted up His teaching and demanded something of Him. They were trying their best to catch Him doing something wrong so that they could convict Him of a crime, expose Him as a lawbreaker of the Old Testament so they could convince everyone He wasn't who He said He was.
These men presented Jesus with a test case—a woman who'd been caught in the act of adultery, having sex with a man who was not her husband—and made her "stand in the center," humiliated, embarrassed, ashamed, mortified, disgraced—all the feelings of someone whose junk is thrust out into the open for everyone to see.
"In the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women," the men said to Jesus. "So what do you say?" The Bible just comes out and reveals their motivation: "This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him" (John 8:5–6).
But you know what? Jesus flipped their whole worlds upside down. (This is one of the many reasons I love Jesus so much.) He was so calm. He never looked at this woman in disgust. He never wondered how she could possibly do such a thing. He never condemned her, not once. He simply said to the people demanding justice at her expense that, yes, justice could be done . . . but only if they, too, had no sin within themselves. "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her" (John 8:7).
This only left one person capable of starting the rock throwing that would punish this woman with death for her sin. The sinless Jesus had every right to stone her. Every right. Yet He knew something this woman didn't know, and that the Pharisees didn't know—the fact that her sin would be paid for, but not on this day. And not by this woman. It would be paid in God's good time by Jesus Himself.
So don't think for a minute, with Jesus knowing what human sin would ultimately cost Him, that He didn't view sin as ugly and awful and horrific. He hated it then, and He hates it now. But shocked by it? Did Jesus appear shocked by her sin? No, after all the other men had walked away, when it was just Jesus and this woman . . .
Okay, can you even imagine what this must have been like? Let's try for a second. Put yourself in her position. You've just been caught in the worst sin you can imagine committing. What sin would that be for you? Maybe you've already committed it, and no one knows about it. It's your little secret. Covering this sin has become your main agenda each day. You work on keeping it hidden all the time, creating ever more elaborate disguises to shield it from public view. But now your ugly sin—this ugly sin—is out in the open, and people are demanding your life in payment for what you've done. Imagine that you are alone, vulnerable, exposed, humiliated, standing in front of the Savior of the world. Standing before your Jesus. Totally ratted out.
Now. Expecting to see some holy shock?
"Jesus stood up" (because He'd been stooped down writing stuff on the dusty ground with His finger), "and said to her, 'Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?'"—to which she said, "No one, Lord" (John 8:10–11). What's going to happen next? The gravity of her situation rests in His hands.
But, oh, my sweet Jesus. I love Him so much. He showed so much love, grace, and freedom to this woman. He didn't negate her sin; in fact, He told her, "Neither do I condemn you;" . . . but not before saying to her, "Go, and from now on sin no more" (John 8:11). He did not condemn her for her sin. He would be condemned for her sin. Justice would indeed be done for her sin, but not at the hands of her accusers. Jesus Himself would justify it. Our Savior. Our Redeemer.
And this is how we're to treat our friends, our sisters in Christ. We can't condemn them because we, too, are like the Pharisees. We are full of sin ourselves. But we can love them well, we can bring truth to their lives, we can show them the words of God, and we can point them to Jesus. We can hate their sin, we can encourage confession and repentance, and then we can step into the battle with them.
My friend who struggles with depression—who was worried that if she confessed it to people in her church, they'd think less of her and look down on her husband—is a picture of what should never happen in the church of Jesus Christ. And yet, don't we know, it happens ALL THE TIME. Most of the women seated around you on Sundays, most likely including the woman who's sitting there looking lovely and smiling to people across the room, are afraid that if others knew their struggles, they'd be disqualified from doing the work of God.
But if I was sitting across the table from you right now, I would hold your hands, look into your eyes, and beg you to be a person who never makes another woman feel that way. Be a person your friends know is safe. Be a person who values people and their lives and their journeys. Be a person who, when presented with sin, takes people to the Redeemer who died for that sin and who's even now in the business of redeeming us all from our sin. Be a friend who points people to Jesus for confession and forgiveness.
I admit, in the past, I was shocked by people's sins every single time. I would hear a story about a person failing miserably who claimed to love God, and I was unbelievably shocked at how they could possibly have done something like that. But the longer I live and the more often I see people failing, the more I realize I'm one step away from failure as well. One step away.
That's why this fight is more important to me now than ever. It's not that I've grown cynical and hardened to human failing. I've just seen too many women hurting, and seen what Jesus can do when we actually begin to imitate His heart. My own sin will always look better or worse depending on the day, but some things must always be kept unchanged in our eyes: the holiness of God and the depravity of man. These are unchangeable realities, yet by God's grace and by the blood of Jesus, they can become the ingredients for total freedom without condemnation.
All of us are the woman caught in sin.
And all of us want to be treated the way Jesus treated her.
I remember when I first shared online the story of my pregnancies from college. My first pregnancy was difficult (because no one signs up to be a teenage mom), but my second was even more difficult because no one wants to be a follower of Jesus whose sin is so out there in the open for everyone to see. I was doing my best to follow Him when I got pregnant that second time, but my flesh won the battle. My heart knew what was right, but my flesh wanted its own way. I knew I had changed, that I indeed loved Jesus dearly, that I truly desired to do the things He had asked me to do. But then all of a sudden, I'd messed up again. My sin struggle was back. I was looking for love and acceptance in the same place I'd been doing it for so many years. And what I'd found again was guilt, shame, fear, and a desperation to keep my sin unknown.
Almost no time after I'd posted this story, women began emailing me left and right, telling me their own stories too—their sin struggles, their shame, their silent secrets. Time and again in what they wrote to me, I began noticing this same phrase appearing somewhere in almost each message: "And no one knows." All these stories—laced with so much shame, guilt, pain, sorrow, anguish, poor choices, consequences, all of it—and yet each seemed to carry a consistent thread. These women had been carrying that story around for years, all alone.
No one knows. Certain sins come with their own calling card, one that advertises what we're struggling with, no way to hide it. But in most cases, women walk around with struggles that no one can see, and that they're too afraid to tell us about. One of the people who contacted me was a woman from my own church who told me she'd had an abortion in college, and no one knew. She was married now, a momma to three, and still holding on to a buried memory that no one knew about. In spite of her knowing she was forgiven, she was living with a secret that caused her to feel unknown by her friends and family. Meanwhile, Satan continued to bring it back up, causing her to feel shame and guilt over and over again, while all along Jesus was there with her, forgiving her, offering her complete freedom from this pain.
But where were the other women in her life? Where were the people in her church and community who could hear her story, learn of her past, and not register such shock at what she was saying? Did she not know any women like that?
I guess I've learned from being around the ladies at the jail for so many years that there's not much that can shock me anymore. Prostitution, drug rings, sex trafficking, alleged murder. Maybe part of our problem is that we've kept ourselves too sheltered within our own little cosmetic worlds, where tragedy is not being able to find a close parking place when it's raining, or running low on hand sanitizer during flu season. But when we make it hard for people to confess their sins and ask for help—whether believers (who we shouldn't expect to be any more perfect than we are) or unbelievers (who we shouldn't expect to act like Christ-followers anyway)—we are setting them up for disaster. We are creating a culture that says to people, "It's better for you to lug this guilt and shame around with you than to confess it, bring it out into the light, and let Jesus deal with it. Maybe it's better that we never know."
And I say that's what should shock us.
One of the subsets of sin shock that's probably worth addressing on its own is when the sin in question is not just that of a friend or acquaintance or maybe someone we don't even personally know, but rather is a sin that involves you or impacts you directly. The times when it's hardest for us not to be shocked by someone's sin is when the fallout is going to be played out right in front of our face. Am I right?
Imagine with me the wife who's hearing her husband confess his pornography addiction for the umpteenth time. She will struggle with not being shocked by this sin, since it's affecting and hurting her at such close range, creating tremors throughout her marriage, her whole identity, her entire life.
Then there's the daughter who hears that her father has left her mom for another woman. This girl will struggle to not be shocked by her daddy's sin, more than the friends and neighbors who hear about it later, because it affects her and hurts her so dearly.
Then there's the student who hears a teacher she greatly admires admit to a failing that removes him from the classroom. Or the congregation that witnesses the confession of their pastor, setting up months and years of unnecessary upheaval and turnover. These confessions hurt to hear—more than most—because they affect us where we live. They're much more difficult to process.
Several years ago, someone very close to me opened up about their infidelity. This wasn't just a random person, but someone I love dearly. And when the phone call came, I broke. I reacted out of disbelief. In fact, my exact words went something like: "How could you do this to your family? How could you do this to all of us? You know how bad this hurts, because your dad did the same thing to you. Don't you remember the pain you went through?"
See, when it's something up close, when the proximity to our heart is so point-blank, it's hard to view sin the way God views sin. We are humans. With emotions. We hurt. We get mad. Then sad. And there's nothing unusual about this. I'm not out of reality enough to suggest that you could just stoically stand there and not be crushed by what you're hearing and discovering. There's not much of a way around that.
In fact, sin is worth being angry about. Sin should disgust us, should repulse us, should bring up emotions in us that produce anger. Anger toward sin is righteous. God is repulsed by our sin every single day—angry at where it comes from, angry at what it does to us, angry at its offense to His absolute holiness. But God is never repulsed by us or overwhelmed at how to do anything about it.
So while I compassionately understand how certain sins, in certain situations, committed by certain people in certain levels of intimate relationship with us can incite an unsurprising rush of outrage, grief, and apoplectic shock, the truth remains (and God, in His grace, can bring us to see this) it is still a sin that Jesus died for. And if we persist in being shocked by it, all our "How could you?" and "I would never" statements will only succeed at building thicker, higher walls between ourselves and those we love, and will make the other person's ability to seek and receive God's forgiveness that much more slow and painful. For all of us.
Ugh, it hurts all over again when I think back to that phone call where I went so ballistic in response to that person's sin. We recently had a conversation, and for the eight millionth time I apologized for my reaction. They've totally forgiven me. We actually moved forward pretty quickly after that initial phone call. I've repented of my anger toward them, and have continued to love them and walk with them through their journey. But I'm still reminded of it often, the shock and devastation I displayed in that moment, wishing I had responded differently. Sin shock is in many ways no less damaging than the offending sin itself.
Who am I to think I have the right to hold that stone in my hand, ready to throw it, even when the target is no more than two feet away from my breaking heart? I still must drop my stone and admit I'm the same as them. Desperately in need of Jesus.
My friend wasn't lying when she said, "It's so hard to be like Jesus." Everything about being like Jesus is difficult. But there's hope. We don't have to do this alone. I always say there are three things that will get me to the end of my life loving Jesus.
God's Word + The Holy Spirit + Community = that's how I'll make it.
The great thing about God's Word is how it truly lights our path. It provides the hope we so desire as we journey through life. When Jesus was preparing to die, He comforted His disciples (and us, as we read His words) by telling them He would be sending them a Helper.
"These things I have spoken to you while I am still with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you." (John 14:25–26)
This "Helper," the Holy Spirit that God sent to us, is here to help us remember all that Jesus has said and done, to keep His Word speaking to us, reminding us of the truth it teaches. So while being like Jesus is hard, the Holy Spirit is inside to help us, even to help us do hard things.
When we allow ourselves to be a safe place for women to confess their struggles, we are imitating Jesus. And when we find ourselves struggling to be that place for women, we have the Holy Spirit inside us to remind us of all the things Jesus taught us. He reminds us how Jesus treated every sinner He came into contact with, all who realized they were sinners. He loved them, He forgave them, and He commanded them not to sin anymore. God's Word and His Spirit can keep us grounded in that.
Then, community. It's a catchy word in the Christian world, but it's a vital thing that in my life will get me to the end with Jesus. Not only does God's Word remind me of all that Jesus did for me and all the ways God loves me, but my community reminds me of those things as well.
I have a group of girlfriends I like to call my "fight club." These girls know almost everything about me, and in spite of all they know about me, they continue to push me toward Jesus. They continue to listen to my struggles, and they continue to be a safe place for me to confess my sin. (Do you have a "fight club" like I do? If not, no worries, but it's time now to go and find one.) As they listen to me fight through some of the same old sins of pride, greed, power, and control, they aren't shocked by my sin, but they tell me to fight my sin. They don't think less of me as a Christ-follower, but they push me not to give in to these pleasures of the world, and to continue bringing my struggles to the light, because in the light is where freedom is found.
I've learned over the years that when we become people who encourage confession and repentance, when we make spaces for these things to happen in safe environments, freedom is the result. There is freedom in confession. There is freedom in repentance. There is freedom in knowing that your struggle, your sin, your pain, your shame, your guilt is all welcomed at the table. They are welcomed because of what Jesus, our great High Priest, did for us on the cross.
I'm declaring an end to sin shock . . . because there's no end of possibilities once we're free of it.
Chapter 9
Vulnerability Breeds Vulnerability
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Pornography is a tricky thing that not many women want to talk about. In fact, most people assume that women don't struggle with pornography and have zero desire to look at it. I'm here to tell you differently. Those assumptions are false. Pornography may be more heavily viewed by men, but women also view pornography and are drawn into its evil traps on a daily basis. When I was growing up, pornography was something you were forced to seek out if you wanted it. You had to rent a movie, buy a magazine, or go to an establishment, but today it's very different. Today it's almost like pornography finds us.
The first time I remember seeing porn was when I was a child, around the third grade. We were visiting some friends of my parents, and I found a magazine in the bathroom. First of all, who keeps a Playboy magazine in the bathroom when you have children in your home? Whatever. I found it, I saw it, and it made me feel different on the inside. I could tell instinctively, even as a young kid, that I was looking at something I wasn't supposed to be seeing, yet I was feeling something I'd never felt before, and I didn't understand why.
The next time I remember seeing porn was during college. I was dating a guy who suggested we watch it together, and at the time I didn't see any reason for saying no. The warning flag of conscience I'd felt so strongly as a nine-year-old didn't wave so furiously at me anymore. Pretty soon, watching porn with him became normal to me. But one day, when I was over at his place and he was away at work, I found myself watching alone. And in that moment, I was struck with knowing it was wrong. I could tell it had some sort of hold on me.
Over the next few years, I didn't struggle with this desire too much, and after I started following Jesus and got married, it was basically nonexistent. I do recall one time trying to watch a scandalous movie on TV. But it was airing on one of those channels we didn't subscribe to (probably Cinemax, or as I've heard it called before, "Skin"-emax), so it was barely audible or visible through the static. I don't know why I wasted thirty minutes of my night listening to the grossness of what was happening behind all that fuzziness. But I have a feeling it's because this temptation was tapping into a desire that had been stirred up in me at a young age. And unless I fought it—fuzzy TV or not—I would find a way to gratify it.
But there was also a more recent time—more recent than I'd like to admit—when I felt that old familiar allure again. It wasn't that I was necessarily wanting to look at porn; I just wanted the feeling that viewing it would produce in me.
All the variables were right for me to seek out some sort of comfort. Aaron was out of town, all the kids were in bed, I was teaching at church the next morning (yes, you read that right!), and my stress level was rather high. I would like to say I have no idea why I reached for my computer, but I know exactly why I reached for my computer. I'm a wretched sinner who, left to myself, will believe the lies of my heart—if I can just have that, I will finally be happy—that tell me something other than God will be more satisfying to my soul. It is so strong sometimes. And because Satan knows my past, knows my struggles, knows what will bring me down, well . . .
To search for pornography at our house, you have to know how to beat the system. You can't just type in "naked" and get what you want, because we've installed safeguards all over our computers. In fact, as I was writing this chapter, I was looking up a statistic on women and porn, and my computer basically wouldn't let me. I was restricted from that content. It was doing its job well today!
Praise God, right? We're raising children in a time of history when pornography can be accessed so easily, sometimes by complete accident. Two of our kids have accidently stumbled upon a picture on the Internet that I would describe as soft porn, and our other two kids were shown porn by another kid at the beauty salon. I was in the other room, and this still happened to my babies. I was right there while another kid showed them a video on his mom's phone. Porn has its way of finding you, and it always aspires to devour you—which is why we've put up these safety nets in our house—on all our computers and devices. So when I tell you I was needing to beat the system, you see what I'm talking about.
But I was lonely. And tired. And stressed and everything.
And I started searching.
But which words could I possibly type into the search engine that wouldn't be flagged and emailed to Aaron, who sees all the searches from our computers? (And don't worry, a couple of his close friends see all his searches as well.) Which words would be generic enough to sound reasonable but still take me to the websites I wanted to reach? I was basically a thesaurus that night, looking for words that were kind of bad, but not too bad.
I felt weird doing this. I knew it was so wrong. Yet something inside me craved those salacious images, more than I desired doing what was right. My flesh was determined to win this battle, and I had become its willing, though conflicted, accomplice. At one moment, I was hoping Aaron wouldn't just randomly call to see how I was doing, wouldn't prevent me from probing deeper for what I wanted, but then I was half hoping he would call so I'd be forced to stop, snap myself back to what I knew was right. At one moment, I was nervously hoping my kids wouldn't wake up and need me for something, but then I was half begging that one of them would call out and interrupt this insane searching.
I know it's gross. I'm embarrassed about it. But that's what I was doing. (Are you sin-shocked yet?) That's what the battle was like in my heart that night. Ever fought one of those battles yourself? If not to gratify your flesh with porn, with something else?
Thankfully (yippee to the safeguards!), I never found the right synonym to help me carry out my wishes. But when nothing had worked, I then began to be flooded with guilt. I mean, I hadn't technically succeeded at failing, but I'd tried really hard to do it, desperate to relieve my stress, fear, and loneliness by running back to the place I went all those years ago to manage these kinds of emotions without needing to involve God. My flesh had wanted what it wanted so badly. And I had been close to going all the way over the cliff in search of it. So very close.
I lay in bed and cried myself to sleep, overcome with guilt and shame for what had gone down during those thirty minutes. The war for my affections had been raging that night, a moment where I realized how far I would go to meet my own needs. It was eye-opening for me and utterly terrifying at the same time.
By the next morning, I was no better. If possible, I was even more broken over my sin, and so mad at myself. How did this happen? I'm a pastor's wife. People invite me and trust me to speak to the women at their churches. I love Jesus with all of my heart. I have four kids. I'm happily married. I have a great sex life. It didn't make sense.
Except it makes perfect sense. I am a desolate sinner, in need of so much grace and mercy. I sin every single day in all kinds of ways: jealousy, pride, anger, take your pick. But this one was different for me—not the normal, everyday sin I'm used to battling. It was a ghost from my past that I thought was gone forever, and yet it had come bellowing at me the night before. I wish my ghost from the past was that I gossiped too much, or wanted money too much, but instead my ghost is sexual sin, such an intimate thing. And having been haunted by it again, my head went on a roller coaster of emotions. I felt so defeated and crushed. Because if I would do that, then what else would I do when Aaron was out of town? Did I still love God? Was I giving in to all of my earthly desires? I know it sounds drastic and a bit overkill. But when you struggle with something in your past and you give it over to God and it shows up again, you get scared. Scared of the way that this sin could grab a hold of you and take you down. If you don't get scared, then you should.
Are you with me?
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Actually, if I know anything right now, I know as you read my story, you are thinking of your own past sin struggle that sometimes creeps back into your world when you least expect it. It's that one thing you hate that you used to do or think about, and you pray to God you never have to deal with it again. It could be an affair you had, the way you lied and cheated your way to the top, the binge eating you used to do, the way you used to vomit every day to keep the figure you worked so hard for, or the words you used to tear everyone down around you. Whatever it is, I get it.
And God gets it. In fact, He talks about this exact struggle in the Bible. Paul said to one of the New Testament churches, "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do" (Gal. 5:17). Our flesh and the Spirit inside of us are waging a war for our souls. Some days this war is visible to the outside world. You might choose to flirt with a man at work, knowing good and well you have a husband and three kids at home. Some days this war is over internal things that aren't as obvious to those around you, like choosing to bite your tongue when you're angry, instead of lashing out at everyone around you.
We all struggle. And we will always struggle for as long as we're here on the earth, even as God continually works within us to show us the incredible blessings and benefits of surrendering to Him in obedience. Because of Jesus, we can win these battles, one at a time, day after day.
But part of winning is letting others in on our struggle.
And the sooner, the better.
That's why the next morning, I found my friend Annie at church and gave her the "we need to talk right now" look. We tucked away into a classroom, and I spilled it all. It was overflowing from me, and I needed to get it out. I needed to share this sin and struggle I had endured last night. I needed the words to be in the air so that someone else could be there with me. The fear of keeping it all to myself was too great. If no one knew, then it could happen again. If no one knew, it would happen again.
So I replayed the events of the previous night to Annie, just as I've shared them with you, except with tears streaming down my face. Was it embarrassing? Of course it was. Not many people talk about it, which makes it even harder to say out loud. I felt like a fraud, a fake, as if God could never use me again—certainly not as a teacher to other women that morning! (I know, drastic, but it's how I was feeling.)
But my sweet friend Annie never faltered when I was telling her this. Her eyes never looked at me with sin-shocked disgust. She never portrayed that she was repulsed by me and my actions from the night before. She only looked at me with the eyes of a friend who knows that Jesus is bigger than my struggle.
She spoke truth over me that morning, easing the shame I was feeling. She reminded me that I was a daughter of the King, and that nothing I'd done could take that away. She repeated to me the exact truths I would soon be teaching the women at our church that morning—that my identity was not based on anything I had done or hadn't done, but on everything that Jesus had done for me. She reminded me of a verse I've already shared with you, but it's one of my favorites so I don't mind repeating it: "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (Rom. 8:1)—meaning, the struggle that you're walking through, the sin that keeps creeping up, Jesus died for that. It's not a surprise to Him. It didn't get left off the list of sins that He bore on the cross. It was there. That sin was taken care of. We still fight like crazy not to submit to it again, but we have complete confidence that when we fall, when our flesh wins, we are forgiven—"no condemnation." We are still valuable to the work of God. Our sins don't define us; only the blood of Jesus does.
Annie told me all of those things that morning, before we prayed together and celebrated what Christ had done for all of us. Then I stood before the women of my church that day and taught them with a confidence that was stronger because of the love that my friend Annie showed me when I opened up to her about my sin and my struggle. She listened to me, she validated my confession, she encouraged me to repent, and then I walked out of that room confident in the forgiveness that God offers me. She was never once shocked by my sin. Disheartened and broken, for sure. But not shocked.
Thank God I'd been willing to be vulnerable.
Something beautiful happens when we're vulnerable.
In disclosing my struggle to my friend that day, I was so extremely vulnerable before her. It wasn't the first time I had shared hard things with her, or that she had shared hard things with me. We have a history together of being able to do that, so I was fairly confident how she would react. I knew she would be a safe place for me to land.
But becoming vulnerable with friends in many cases can be downright scary and intimidating, to say the least. What if you open up and it goes bad? What if you invite someone into your pain and they don't carry it with the tenderness and dignity that you think it deserves? The risk and fear of exposure is always there.
Plus, it's exhausting. How much is too much? What do they really want to know? When your neighbor asks, "How was your morning?" do they really want to know that you spilled an entire carafe of coffee on your new rug? Or that your dog ate a hundred-dollar bill? Or that one of your kids peed in the bed the night before? Or that you wish you were on a Caribbean island with no kids at all? (All of those things may or may not have happened to me before!) Do they want to hear that? Nope, they don't. So we say, "I'm fine, thank you."
When you meet with your girlfriends, and they share about a woman at the office who just left her husband for another man, do you dare open up and tell them your daydreams involving yourself and the waiter from your favorite coffee shop? When someone says they missed you at church or some other event, do you tell them the truth—that you were having one of your anxiety attacks and couldn't seem to make yourself leave the house?
You see, we are scared of opening up. What will they think? What will they do with this information they've learned about us? So we convince ourselves they wouldn't understand. We convince ourselves they'd be weirded out by our struggles. Or we convince ourselves that nobody really cares enough to want to hear about it anyway, even if we were willing to say it.
But being vulnerable is not (as we sometimes think) the same as being helpless, defenseless, and weak. Vulnerability within a relationship is what keeps you close. Being vulnerable with someone says to them that you value them, that you welcome them into your life. All the parts. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Yet of all the positive, redemptive things I could say about the value of being open and honest with others, here's the biggest one I've learned over the years . . .
Vulnerability leads to vulnerability.
When you're vulnerable with your friends, you give them permission to be vulnerable with you. When you make the awkward first move and share your true feelings, you set the tone for the relationship.
Of course there will be times when this goes bad and feels weird, but finding friends that you can be vulnerable with is worth every ounce of fear you might endure. It's also worth every amount of trial and error. If you open up to a friend and it goes worse than you expected, then maybe this isn't the kind of friend you need to be in a close relationship with. Maybe they aren't quite ready to carry this weight, or maybe they've just never experienced vulnerability between friends before and, therefore, they don't know how to handle it.
But being vulnerable with someone has a way of breaking down walls. It has a way of bringing people together. Do you ever wonder how you can spend one week with someone on a life-altering trip and become better friends with them than with someone you've known for ten years? It's because you allowed them into your world. You shared your fears, hopes, dreams, and maybe so much more together. You were vulnerable with them. And now they're friends for life.
I have girlfriends to whom I can tell anything—and I do mean anything—and they will listen, direct me to truth, and fight with me to the end. Amy and I have been friends for over twenty-five years and have walked through lots of life together. Maris, Laura, Kim, Annie, and I have all been brought together through our husbands' making music together. Amanda, Tiffany, and I met in an intensive discipleship class at church and became fast friends. Noelle and I met and bonded over adoption. She's heard me at some of my weakest parenting moments, and I've been let into some of her lowest moments as well.
These ladies get me. They know me. I can send them a message that says I'm struggling with something, and they won't text/call/email me back with a cute little saying about picking myself up by my big-girl panties or something like that. Nope, not at all. These girls speak truth to me. They tell me who I am and Whose I am. They remind me of the hope we share in the gospel. They remind me I'm in relationship with a Savior who has never left me and never will.
I can be vulnerable with these friends because I trust they love me. I know they have my best in mind, and I know they are tethered well to the truth of God's Word. They aren't going to feed me any nonsense about being a better person or whatnot. They're going to love me and feed me truths from the Scripture. That's it. Our individual vulnerability has led to our collective vulnerability—and to friendships that are healthy, supportive, challenging (in a good way), and real.
Now, this didn't happen overnight for us. You can't expect friendships like these to do that, where women are vulnerable and open with each other. These kinds of friendships are developed through seasons: seasons of togetherness, seasons of sorrow, seasons of rejoicing, seasons of pain. Instead of going through those seasons by ourselves—alone and guarded—we've gone through them with our stories out in the open, with our struggles a common topic of conversation.
I think many women have been hurt in friendships before, and that's what keeps us from opening up. Maybe you did open up that one time to a friend, somebody you thought you could trust. But lo and behold, she wasn't trustworthy and your heart was damaged. Your vulnerability was used against you in the end. I'm not saying it can't happen.
I'm wondering, though, if you could try again . . . if you could give your friendships another chance . . . because when you're real with people, you provide them a great opportunity to love you and point you to the truth. But when you're fake with people, hiding your junk and putting on a perceived look of perfection, you rob those around you of the honor of showing you love and pointing you to Jesus.
Wouldn't you love being that kind of friend for other people? Maybe your own fear of vulnerability is what's keeping you from it.
If there are two words I've heard more than any others when people describe me or talk about my podcast, The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey, it's that I'm (1) authentic and (2) vulnerable. What I suspect people feel when they're listening to the show is that they are getting the real me, and that I'm willing to expose myself to them in an accurate way.
I sure hope this is true of me. But I need you to know, this did not happen all at once. Since you are this far along in the book, you've seen all the insecurities, self-doubt, uncertainty, and lack of self-confidence I've walked through. I lived so many years trying to be something I wasn't. Trying to earn people's approval. Trying to look like a "good Christian girl" during times when I don't know if I even was a Christian, and even in times when I was.
In fact, being a new believer was the time in my life when I was the most scared to death of what people would think of me, if they only knew the real me. I was never vulnerable and authentic with anyone. The perceived cost was too great to me. What they might possibly think about me was too much for my weary soul to bear. My identity—in my mind, at least—was still too tied up in what other people were saying or thinking about me. And whenever that happens, when that's the way you see yourself, you protect yourself at all costs.
The problem was, I couldn't keep it up. The persona of having everything together became too heavy to carry. But what I found was—when I was able to be the real me, with all my failures and successes—I became more free in Christ. I was able to point people to Jesus and show them all the ways He had forgiven me. I found in being vulnerable that I was bringing glory to God by showing all the ways that I needed Him.
And what's even cooler than that (if I can even imagine such a thing) is that by being willing to open up with others about the parts of my life that are hard, God used my vulnerability to make space for others to open up as well. Then the goodness of God just started to multiply all around me, with God getting more and more glory through more and more people.
And this same incredible experience is available to you . . . to everybody.
Recently, I was interviewing a woman on my podcast who is currently in those hard parenting ages with her kids, two of which have special needs—making it doubly hard, triply hard. I thanked her for opening up and sharing with my listeners and me about her struggles, her pain, her successes, her failures, because I assured her she was allowing room for someone else to open up about their own struggles as well. When we bring ourselves fully to the table, it says to others that they are welcome as well. God uses the stories of His people to change the world. It's true. Your story can change the world, but you first must be willing to share it.
Now, when I talk about being vulnerable, I'm not saying it's always some huge revelation you need to unload on somebody, dredging up another wretched skeleton from your closet. There are times and places for that, sure, and that's definitely a big part of what I mean. We can't keep that stuff locked away or else it will tear us up from the inside, spawning all kinds of other sins and struggles and, worse, restricting our freedom to glorify God through what His grace has done within us. But in order to experience maximum freedom, vulnerability simply needs to become our lifestyle—being vulnerable about the day-to-day. When my friends hear that I'm having a hard time loving my husband or kids today (yes, we all know this actually happens in life!), they see I'm a real person, just like them, and pretty soon we're all coming clean on our everyday struggles and areas of weakness and times when we don't always make the best decisions.
It's why we as moms are drawn to blogs entitled, "I'm Not Making My Kids' Lunches This Year," or "Five Ways to Screw Up Christmas for Your Kids," or "The Day I Forgot to Feed My Kids Dinner." All of those articles scream to the reader, "I'M A NORMAL MOM AND MESS UP ALL THE TIME TOO," and we love that. We love seeing the realness in someone's life.
You might be one who's scared to show people your realness. You're perceived as someone who always has it together, who's never missed a school party, who's never late to work, and who always makes her bed. What happens, though, when you feel as though you aren't meeting these crazy expectations you've set for yourself? What happens when you fear that someone might find out you don't, in fact, have it all together? You are scared of anyone knowing the truth because you feel comfortable in this perceived perfection life you're living.
Well, here's my tip of the week for you. If I was putting the best spin on this whole "perceived perfection" thing, I'd say it's what you do to avoid letting other people down. Because you never let people down. Because you're "perfect." (Which we all know is impossible because no one's ever been perfect besides Jesus, even though many women are trying their hardest to be Jesus 2.0, and it's not working.) But I guarantee, you will let people down less often when they expect you to make mistakes than when you're maintaining the illusion of being practically flawless. You'll have a much easier time giving people grace, and you'll learn that nothing in life is better than receiving grace.
When I finally began to be vulnerable with my friends about my past, the difference was both life-changing and life-giving. As they confirmed the work God had done and was doing in my life, I began to feel more freedom to be me. "If they only knew" became "they know it all." And you know what? That's the best place to live in the whole world.
By opening up with Annie about the struggle I'd had with porn that night, it made Satan need to work a whole lot harder trying to find an opening to exploit in my heart like that again. And when Annie has opened up to me about struggles in her own life, she's been able to see new patterns of victory develop as well. But the next struggle is always right around the corner, and we'll need each other's help in fighting that one too. By staying authentic, by being vulnerable, by being free from putting on an act, we can pick ourselves up from our mistakes, talk about them, and move on with new confidence and strength—because of Jesus.
We need to fight for each other. Believe in each other. Listen to each other. Pray for each other. When we become women who own our stories and become vulnerable about our lives, Jesus' grace and mercy take center stage. And when Jesus is at the center instead of our perfectly polished selves, we can stand before Him, our husbands, our children, and our girlfriends, let out all of our junk, and know He will get the glory, not us.
Being vulnerable—sharing our need for a Savior—points people to Jesus and not ourselves. And He's who they need to be looking at, not us!
Chapter 10
Jesus Is Better
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It's hard to watch people you love limping through life because of past mistakes. They never get over what they did so many years ago and, therefore, their entire life is wrecked. Everything hinged on that one choice. I've seen it play out time and time again in friends' lives, in the women I meet at events, in people everywhere. The feelings of guilt and shame never seem to go away.
I even suspect that sometimes these people don't know how to function outside of feeling guilt and shame. They believe they've taken up their cross in life, which means being forever ashamed and guilty over what they've done. Staying in those emotions is the only way they feel worthy of being loved by God. His love and acceptance, they think, is contingent on their continued investment of shame and guilt. They seem to think that if they walked in freedom—the freedom that God truly offers—they would be saying, in effect, that they didn't really believe what they did was wrong.
This thinking is so jacked up and anti-gospel, yet many of us get stuck here and don't know how to get out. This whole book has been the story of my journey through this gauntlet. Have I arrived? Goodness gracious, no. I'm still such a messed-up person. My arrival will not happen until after I take my last breath here on this earth and open up my eyes to see my precious Jesus waiting for me. That's arrival. And not a moment sooner.
Yet I can say confidently that I no longer dwell in shame and guilt. Do I feel it? For sure. I should feel it. It's part of the warning system that God has built into our hearts, letting us know when we're on the wrong track, when we're sinning against Him. But I don't stay there. In guilt and shame. I can't anymore. I've experienced the freedom that comes from confession, repentance, and vulnerability, and I refuse to go back to living a life of "perceived perfection." It's not worth it to me. I'd rather you know all of my junk than try my hardest every day to keep up a persona so that you don't know the real me. That's exhausting, and I won't do it anymore.
But I'm thinking right now of a dear friend who lives in shame and guilt. Years ago, he made a decision that altered his family's life forever. He chose to have an affair, and with that one decision, the consequences poured in. He lost trust from his children, his wife suffered, and guilt flooded his soul with intense waves. Praise be to God and God alone, his marriage survived, his kids forgave him, and life moved on. God was gracious to forgive him, and he lived to fight another day . . . except that he's too often been fighting a losing battle. He's squandered a lot of time during this life, fighting a battle that's already been fought.
I've heard him declare many times over the years, "I know in my heart that God forgives me, but I just can't forgive myself." I'm certain you've heard this statement before. You might even have uttered it yourself at one point or another—when you've felt as though your sin or failure or weakness was so big, you could never forgive yourself.
I've heard my ladies at the jail make this statement often, especially when they talk about how their crimes are affecting their children. It's one thing when we make decisions that hurt ourselves, but what about when those decisions directly hurt the people we were supposed to protect and provide for, who don't have any substitute for the role we were meant to play in their lives? These women's kids are being forced to survive without their momma in their lives on a regular basis. And when you're separated from your children for years like that, for no other reason than your own foolish choices, forgiving yourself is hard to muster up.
My friend struggles with this too—not being able to forgive himself for his decision and for the immense hurt it caused those around him.
What if I proposed to you, however, that we were never meant to forgive ourselves? I know it sounds a bit off, but think about it for a minute. It's not our job to forgive ourselves. We can't. We don't have the power. We don't have the ability. We don't have the right standing with God for that. Forgive ourselves? Really? How would anybody actually go about doing that?
If you could forgive yourself, there would be no need for Jesus, right? And if there's no need for Jesus, then this whole Christianity thing is false and we have wasted our lives.
In my brain, I really do get where these feelings are coming from. You might feel as though you somehow owe God a life of shame because of the choices you've made. Yet at the same time, the Bible is full of Scripture saying the exact opposite. God's Word tells us that God sent His Son for us, to forgive us, to offer us new life, to redeem us, to bring us back to Him. How is anything we could ever do supposed to improve upon that?
If you're feeling as though you just can't forgive yourself today, I want to say to you in the firmest, yet kindest pastor's wife voice I can possibly make: "YOU CAN'T, SO STOP TRYING." When you walk around feeling as though you still need to forgive yourself, what you're saying to God is that His sacrifice wasn't enough. His only Son dying on a cross for your sins wasn't enough. More is needed for you to feel forgiven. So, by your continual yearning to forgive yourself, you are actually creating a life where Jesus' blood and sacrifice aren't enough, leaving yourself essentially a works-based religion to follow, where if you could just do a few more "good things," you could possibly begin to forgive yourself.
See any problem with that? Of course you do. You know what I'm saying is true. But I'll bet, within the few moments it's taken for you to read this one tiny paragraph, you've already begun coming up with excuses for why your situation is different and why the same gospel parameters don't apply.
This is where we as Christians begin to live in bondage. We become shackled to our sins, our pasts, and our regrets, instead of shackled to Jesus, whose "yoke is easy" and whose "burden is light" (Matt. 11:30). We become ruled and dominated by what we've done, rather than freed for abundant life by what Jesus has done.
My friend who is waddling around in his shame, regret, guilt, and "unforgiveness" has missed out on years of abundant joy. He's continually looking to God and proclaiming (in words he would never actually say out loud), "Thanks for these promises and all, but I pass. I'd rather sit here in my guilt and shame. Isn't that what I deserve? Isn't that what You want of me?"
No. It isn't.
A life of guilt and shame does not proclaim the goodness of God; it proclaims the impotence and inadequacy of God. He can do a lot, we say from inside our sadness and self-pity, but I've proven to be too tough a challenge for Him. What prideful people we are to think that we are actually too much for God.
I'm sorry, but I don't think your best attempts at being good enough to feel forgiven are going to be better than what Jesus has done. In this way and a million others, (say it with me . . .)
Jesus is better.
My friend isn't living as though Jesus is better. Nothing in all his guilt and shame is giving off the impression that Jesus is better. All I'm hearing is that God came up a little short on this one. So why would anyone look at my friend's life—based on how well he's learning to apply the grace of God to his heart—and say, "I believe there's hope for me in this Jesus that I hear about."
The reason why I want to be an open book is not so I can say, "Look at me," but because I want to say—in every way possible—"Look at Him!" Look at all the ways He has used me in spite of my stupidity. Look at all the ways He has endured with me, even through my many self-inflicted sorrows in life. Look at all the ways He has blessed me, even when others would have given up on me. I want to constantly shout, "JESUS IS BETTER!"
Way better than anything else I've got.
I love how the book of Hebrews speaks to this. The author of this book from the New Testament spends so much time telling us how much better Jesus is than anything or anyone else. He's better than the Law; He's better than the priesthood; His new covenant with us is better than the old one. He is our only hope not to remain unclean forever.
Hebrews 9, for example, talks about how we are cleansed through the blood of Jesus, not like in the past through the blood sacrifice of animals. In the Old Testament, before Jesus came, the high priest would go in once a year with the blood of animals and offer it as a sacrifice to God to purify the people from their sins. But every year a new sacrifice had to be made. The people weren't clean for a lifetime, only for a year.
When you think about how you believe God handles your sin, are you still sort of living out the practices of the Old Testament? Continually trying to make amends for the sins in your life? Every year (every month, every week, every day), you're always trying harder, working to atone for your mistakes. I can picture my friend feeling this way, fighting to do better, year after year, hoping he might somehow feel forgiven eventually.
But get this . . .
But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. (Heb. 9:11–12)
Did you spot some of the "better" words in there? Jesus is the high priest of "good things," appearing in a "greater" tabernacle, a "more perfect" place, doing a better job of making atonement than animal blood could ever do.
For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God. (Heb. 9:13–14)
Yeah, "how much more" can His blood "purify our conscience from dead works"—which, by the way, are the only kind of works we're able to offer—so that we can "serve the living God"? And isn't serving Him the only right response of someone who's been so completely forgiven of their sins? Do shame and guilt do that? Do they help us serve Him well and faithfully?
Saying, "I'm not good enough," and leaving it there doesn't present a whole gospel. Yet saying, "I'm not good enough, but Jesus is better," proclaims the hope that lifts you out of the bondage of feeling unforgiven and transforms your life into a megaphone of the whole gospel message to others.
Listen, if I've come off sounding too blunt here, I hope you haven't taken it that way. I can sympathize all too well with being overwhelmed by guilt and watching it burrow down into shame. I just hope you've seen through this book—as perhaps you've seen time and again in your own life—that guilt and shame make for a hard place to set up house in. They come with constant worry, constant anxiety, constant depression, and a constant need to do more. Shame never brings freedom. But Christ came to purify our conscience. God always knew the sacrifices in the Old Testament were not enough. We needed more. We needed a perfect sacrifice to actually take on our sin, in order that we could be fully clean. All those sacrifices in the Old Testament were leading up to the one true and final sacrifice in Jesus. He is the only One who can take that stain away. Jesus deals finally and fully with our guilty conscience, which is what's under attack when we feel shame.
See why there's no need to keep living in it? See why you can feel released from all the hard work of forgiving yourself?
See why Jesus, as always, is better?
Shame over past sins that have already been forgiven is not from God. No matter how much you go to church, or read your Bible, or give away lots of money, you're not improving on Christ's forgiveness of you. Certainly, those are good things that will come as an overflow of your faith. They're evidence that you're giving Him a stronger hold on your surrendered heart. But you can just sit back now and rejoice in the fact that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Rom. 5:8). His death brought you into a relationship with God and secured your eternity with Him. This isn't just good news, isn't just church-sounding news; this is freeing news—believing that what God says is actually true. You can live your life now as a forgiven person, based on what He's already done and said, and not on what you may feel about yourself.
A few years ago, my husband and his friend Brett wrote a song that our church has grown to love, as well as churches around the world. I know why it resonates with me, and I think it's the same for everyone else who belts it out as well. The song is called "Jesus Is Better," and each time I sing it, I'm reminded that what the Bible says about Him is true, even when I'm not sure I know how to believe it and hold on to it.
This reminds me of a story in the New Testament where a father approached Jesus, asking Him to cast a demon out of his son. "If you can do anything," this father begged, "have compassion on us and help us." To which Jesus answered, repeating the man's words, "'If you can'? Everything is possible for the one who believes." The father's response, however, is what I find myself saying and wanting so often as well. "Immediately the father of the boy cried out, 'I do believe; help my unbelief!'" (Mark 9:22–24). That's what I feel when I sing this song. Lord, help me believe!
Throughout many seasons in my life, I've needed to recite things to myself so my heart would continue to believe them. When a family finds out that sexual abuse has occurred within their home, I have to remind myself that God wasn't surprised by this and has not forsaken anyone who's been harmed by such betrayal. When our friend's daughter, who they've been fostering for many months, is sent back to a home that we believe is not safe, I must remind my heart that God loves this little girl more than any of us ever can. When someone who has led me in ministry confesses to a sin with lasting consequences, I'm reminded that God is my only leader, and that He will never fail me. Sometimes we must proclaim things with our lips as a way of reinforcing them in our hearts.
And "Jesus Is Better" is that kind of song for me. Part of it goes like this . . .
In all my sorrows, Jesus is better—make my heart believe.
In every vict'ry, Jesus is better—make my heart believe.
Than any comfort, Jesus is better—make my heart believe.
More than all riches, Jesus is better—make my heart believe.
Our souls declaring, Jesus is better—make my heart believe.
Our song eternal, Jesus is better—make my heart believe.
Singing this song over and over for the past several years has helped me worship God through the remembrance that no matter what, He is better. I don't need to live in shame and guilt—Jesus is better. No matter what I've done in life, I can walk in forgiveness—Jesus is better. I'm not held in bondage to my past—Jesus is better.
Jesus is better.
Be reminded of that today.
Jesus frequently reminded His disciples about the things that matter most in life. Many times, He had to reset their affections on kingdom things instead of on earthly things. Right before He pursued the cross, He gathered His boys around Himself and gave them an incredible illustration to remember . . .
He said to them, "I have earnestly desired to eat this Passover with you before I suffer. For I tell you, I will not eat it until it is fulfilled in the kingdom of God." And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he said, "Take this, and divide it among yourselves. For I tell you that from now on I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until the kingdom of God comes."
And he took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to them, saying, "This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me."
And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, "This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood." (Luke 22:15–20)
"Do this in remembrance of me." Remember. Remember.
Faithfulness to Him comes from remembering all He's done for you. His entire Word is a reminder of all He's done for you. My whole reason for writing out this story of how God redeemed someone who looked so unredeemable, and how He continues pursuing me until I look more like Him, is to help you remember, through what He's done for me, what He's done and can do for you.
For in remembering, you find the fullness of your forgiveness.
In remembering, you find your freedom.
In remembering, you can live radically for Him.
About a year ago, I was attending a service that my husband was leading for all of his staff on the worship team. Using these same verses from Luke 22, he talked about our need to keep remembering throughout our lifetime what Jesus has done for us. But he also used this passage to show that our God is communal. Jesus' desire around the table that night was not only that His followers would receive His word as individuals but as a community.
Aaron was specifically speaking to the community in front of him, of course, but I want to talk to you. I'm a part of your community now because of spending these few hours together as you've been reading this book. (And goodness gracious, I shared some vulnerable pieces of my life and invited you in!) God has set up community to be a place where we remind each other of His faithfulness to us. Where we remind each other of all that God has done in our lives, and as we tell each other, our hearts start to believe more and more that what His Word says is true. We have the history of God to bank on. He can be nothing but faithful to His children—it's a part of His character. He can be nothing but kind to His children—it's a part of His character. He can be nothing but full of grace to those who follow Him—it's a part of His character.
I want you to look around and think about your own community. Who do you do life with? Who are your people? Community matters in reminding us of the truths that Jesus is better. And as you think about your community—whether one you've already established or one you need to establish—I challenge you to see your role among these people in a new way.
Instead of trying to be better than the rest of them, become willing to confess your sins and struggles with them.
Instead of being appalled at their failures and inadequacies, become a safe person for them to share their worst fears and shortcomings with.
Instead of using them as a more accurate indicator of your identity than the one that Christ has already given you, become anchored in the unchanging truth of His Word.
But instead of thinking you can make it just fine without them, become convinced that your ability to put His Word into practice and bring maximum glory to God is through humbly serving Him together and serving each other, not in staying aloof and keeping up pretenses.
Early monastic followers of God received Communion in a unique way. When they gathered around the table, they were given a glass of wine and a chunk of bread, and were each asked to say two things. First, they were to testify to the faithfulness of God in their life. Second, they were to confess their sin and their need for Him. Then at the end of each person's statement of confession, everyone in unison spoke aloud the words, "ME TOO," reminding each other that they were experiencing Communion with God together as sinful people, saved by grace. As they took a bite of bread and remembered His body crushed for them . . . as they drank the wine and remembered the blood of Jesus poured out for them . . . they remembered also that as members of this community, none was better than another. All were equally in need before the fountain of God's mercy. Only Jesus was better.
I want us to be a generation of women willing to say, "Me too"—that I get your pain, I get your struggle, I get your sorrow, I get your weariness. Know why? Because it's mine too. "Me too." When you see a friend who's battling, when someone confesses sin to you, sit with them, listen to them, point them to Jesus, and quietly say to them, "Me too."
The pages of this book are drenched with "me too" tears, poured out over a so-far lifetime of failing and following, failing and following. Yet God has forgiven me, just as God has forgiven you. And even on days where we may see more losing than winning, His faithfulness and forgiveness will hold us together.
For as bad as it's been, and as bad as it can get, Jesus is better.
Let us all be women who believe that to be true.
Notes
. John Piper, "The Good End of Godly Regret," www.desiringgod.org/messages/the-good-end-of-godly-regret.
. "Come, Thou Fount," public domain.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
. Edward T. Welch, Shame Interrupted (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012), 35.
. "Jesus Is Better" written by Aaron Ivey and Brett Land © 2013 by Austin Stone Music (ASCAP).
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Pikeur Davita fashionable close-cut competition jacket in a super stretchy Jersey fabric. This riding jacket fits perfectly and great offers freedom of movement. It has pockets with star studs and star buttons, as well as star embroidery on the McCrown sleeve patches. There are 2 rear slits at the back of the jacket that give the jacket an overall stylish look. | {
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\section{Introduction}
The Galactic center (GC) is the closest galactic nucleus. At a distance of
$7.9\pm0.8$~kpc \citep{reid:09}, $1$~pc in the GC corresponds to only
$26\arcsec$. The GC provides an opportunity to unveil interactions between
various physical processes in a nuclear environment of a galaxy with excellent
spatial resolution unapproachable for other galaxies.
The central $170\arcmin \times 40\arcmin$ ($\sim400$~pc $\times 90$~pc) region
of the Galaxy is often called the Central Molecular Zone \citep[CMZ;
][]{morris:96}. The CMZ is a massive molecular cloud complex in the Galaxy,
which contains about 10\% of the Galaxy's molecular gas and produces 5\%--10\%
of its infrared (IR) and Lyman continuum luminosity
\citep{smith:78,nishimura:80,bally:87, bally:88,morris:96}. Earlier radio
continuum surveys revealed that the CMZ is an active star forming region and
contains the most active star forming cloud in the entire Galaxy, the
Sagittarius~B2 (Sgr~B2) complex. {\it Herschel} observations revealed that the
dust emission from the CMZ mainly arises in a ring-like structure
\citep{molinari:11}. In this paper, we use the terms CMZ and GC
interchangeably, referring to the same $\sim200$~pc region in the center of the
Galaxy.
Star formation in the CMZ is inevitably affected by the extreme physical
conditions of the natal clouds, which have an order of magnitude higher gas
density than in the disk, with high gas temperature, pressure, turbulence,
strong tidal shear, and milli-Gauss magnetic field strengths \citep{morris:96}.
Because of these unusual conditions not found in nearby normal star-forming
regions in the disk, the nature of star formation in the CMZ is a subject of
active research.
A key to unlocking the secrets of star formation activities in the CMZ is a
detailed spectroscopic study of its interstellar medium (ISM) over a wide range
of wavelengths. Mid-IR emission lines are particularly useful in analyzing the
physical properties of the GC gas because it lies behind heavy dust obscuration
($A_V \sim 30$~mag). Forbidden emission lines in the mid-IR are generally
insensitive to electron gas temperatures, and can be used to determine physical
properties such as the electron density and ionization parameters, and to
identify sources of ionization. Furthermore, molecular hydrogen emission from
pure rotational transitions can be observed in the mid-IR, which may hold vital
clues to gas heating mechanisms in the CMZ.
A mid-IR spectroscopic survey of the GC was previously conducted at $2\
\mu$m--$196\ \mu$m based on ISO observations \citep{rf:01a,rf:04,rf:05}. They
observed $15$ different lines of sight to molecular clouds in the CMZ \citep[see
Figure~1 in][]{rf:05}. \citet{rf:01a,rf:04} used observations of molecular
hydrogen emission to discuss heating mechanisms of warm molecular gas in the
CMZ, and concluded that low-density photon dominated regions (PDRs) and
low-velocity shocks ($v < 10$~km~s$^{-1}$) are required to explain the
temperatures derived from the warm molecular gas. \citet{rf:05} analyzed fine
structure lines in the GC far from thermal continuum sources and massive
clusters. They concluded that the ionizing radiation field is rather constant
throughout the CMZ, suggesting ionization by relatively hot and distant stars,
and found that excitation ratios, temperatures, and ionization parameters of
ionized gas in the CMZ are similar to those found in some low-excitation
starburst galaxies.
A more recent survey in the mid-IR was carried out by \citet{simpson:07} using
the Infrared Spectrograph \citep[IRS;][]{houck:04} onboard the {\it Spitzer
Space Telescope} \citep{werner:04}, which has a higher sensitivity than ISO at
$10\ \mu$m--$38\ \mu$m. The \citeauthor{simpson:07} survey consists of
high-resolution spectra of $38$ positions along a narrow $24\arcmin$ long strip
at a Galactic longitude $l \approx +0.1\arcdeg$. \citeauthor{simpson:07}
measured several forbidden emission lines and molecular hydrogen lines to
constrain the physical conditions of clouds near the Quintuplet Cluster, the
Arches Cluster, the Radio Arc Bubble \citep{rf:01b}, and Arched Filaments.
They concluded from their observations that the main source of excitation in the
GC is photo-ionization from the massive star clusters and that multi-component
PDR models can explain the observed line emission from molecular hydrogen
\citep[see also][]{contini:09}. \citeauthor{simpson:07} also concluded
that shocks in the Radio Arc Bubble are responsible for strong [\ion{O}{4}]
emission.
In our recent spectroscopic survey of massive young stellar objects (YSOs) in
the CMZ \citep{an:09,an:11}, we used {\it Spitzer}/IRS to collect an extensive
set of mid-IR spectra for $107$ YSO candidates. The goal of this survey was to
discover and characterize the spectroscopic properties of massive YSOs in the
GC. To achieve this original goal, we spent half of our observing time on
background spectra near each YSO candidate because of the strong and spatially
variable background emission in the GC. Our GC background spectra, which are
the by-product of our YSO observing program, now constitute the largest and most
comprehensive mid-IR spectroscopic data set available to study the properties of
the ionized and molecular gas in the star-forming nucleus of the Galaxy.
In this paper, we present panoramic mapping results from ionic and molecular
hydrogen emission lines throughout the entire CMZ. Data acquisition and
spectral analysis are presented in \S~\ref{sec:method}. Line intensities and
radial velocities in the CMZ are presented in \S~\ref{sec:results}. Mid-IR line
ratio diagnostics are used to compare the physical properties of the Galactic
nucleus to those of other nearby galaxies in \S~\ref{sec:discussion}. Our
results are summarized in \S~\ref{sec:summary}.
\section{Method}\label{sec:method}
\subsection{Observations and Extraction of Spectra}\label{sec:obs}
The IRS spectra presented in this paper were obtained in May and October 2008 as
part of {\it Spitzer} Cycle~4, during our observing program to identify massive
YSOs in the GC (Program ID: 40230, PI: S.\ Ram\'irez). We targeted $107$ point
sources with extremely red colors on near- and mid-IR color-color diagrams as
YSO candidates \citep[see][for details]{an:11}. The positions of our spectra
are shown in the top panel of Figure~\ref{fig:map}, on top of the {\it
Spitzer}/IRAC $8\ \mu$m image \citep{stolovy:06,ramirez:08}. Our survey
encompasses a large area in the flattened CMZ cloud complex ($|b| \la
0.24\arcdeg$), covering regions near strong radio continuum sources (Sgr~A,
Sgr~B1, Sgr~B2, and Sgr~C), massive star clusters (the Quintuplet, Arches, and
Central clusters), and the Radio Bubble (see the bottom panel of
Figure~\ref{fig:map}).
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.74]{fig1a.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.74]{fig1b.ps}
\caption{ {\it Top:} Spatial distribution of 107 {\it Spitzer}/IRS targets on
the IRAC $8.0\ \mu$m image \citep{stolovy:06,ramirez:08} of the Galactic center
(GC). The above image shows the entire Central Molecular Zone (CMZ), which
covers approximately $170\arcmin \times 40\arcmin$ ($\sim400$~pc $\times
90$~pc) centered on the GC. Our IRS point-source targets \citep{an:09,an:11}
are marked with $1\arcmin$ ($2.3$~pc) radius circles. In this paper, we analyze
the GC interstellar medium (ISM) as measured by four background spectra that
are $\sim1\arcmin$ away from each target. {\it Bottom:} Schematic diagram of
locations of the CMZ molecular complexes (Sgr~A, Sgr~B1, Sgr~B2, and Sgr~C;
large open circles), the Radio Bubble (large open circle), and star clusters
(Quintuplet, Arches, and Central clusters; open star symbols). The grey
circles represent the location of the {\it Spitzer}/IRS targets.
\label{fig:map}}
\end{figure*}
In our {\it Spitzer} program, massive YSO candidates were observed using both
high- and low-resolution IRS modules. In this work, however, we utilize only the
high-resolution observations taken with the short-high ({\tt SH}; $9.9\
\mu$m$-19.6\ \mu$m, $\lambda / \Delta \lambda \sim 600$; $4.7\arcsec \times
11.3\arcsec$ or $0.18$~pc $\times0.43$~pc slit entrance) and the long-high ({\tt
LH}; $18.7\ \mu$m$-37.2\ \mu$m, $\lambda / \Delta \lambda \sim 600$;
$11.1\arcsec \times 22.3\arcsec$ or $0.43$~pc $\times0.85$~pc slit entrance)
modules. These two modules share the same slit centers on the sky.
Four background spectra were taken at $\sim1\arcmin$ ($2.3$~pc) away from each
of the YSO candidates; the positions of these points can be glimpsed by looking
at the open circles in the top panel of Figure~\ref{fig:map}, each of which has
a $1\arcmin$ radius. The exact locations of these spectra were carefully chosen
by visual inspection to avoid bright point sources on the IRAC $8\ \mu$m image
\citep{stolovy:06,ramirez:08}, and were intended to provide a level of
background mid-IR emission similar to that of the target position. As shown in
Figure~\ref{fig:map}, our background spectra are somewhat uniformly distributed
over a $\sim90\arcmin\times25\arcmin$ ($\sim210$~pc $\times60$~pc) region in the
CMZ.
We reduced IRS spectra from the basic calibrated data (BCD) products version
{\tt S18.7.0}. We corrected for rogue pixel values using the software package
{\tt IRSCLEAN}\footnote{The SSC software packages can be found at\\ {\tt
http://irsa.ipac.caltech.edu/data/SPITZER/}.}
provided by {\it Spitzer} Science Center (SSC), and applied the {\tt DARKSETTLE}
software package to the {\tt LH} frames to correct for non-uniform dark current.
We extracted {\tt SH} and {\tt LH} spectra using the {\tt SPICE} tool in an
``extended'' extraction mode (with slit loss corrections for a source infinite
in extent), and further corrected for fringe patterns using the {\tt IRSFRINGE}
package. More information on our IRS observations and basic data reduction is
found in \citet{an:11}.
The contribution of zodiacal light is relatively high in the GC, typically
amounting to $\sim10\%$--$30\%$ of the continuum emission from the ISM in the
IRS spectral range. We used the zodiacal light estimator in the {\tt
SSC}-provided software {\tt SPOT}, which is based on COBE/DIRBE measurements, to
determine the contribution from the zodiacal light in each season. The zodiacal
spectrum has a peak emission of $\sim40\ {\rm MJy\ sr^{-1}}$ at $20\ \mu$m, with
a $\sim10\%$ seasonal variation. We constructed a smoothed zodiacal spectrum
using quadratic interpolation, and then subtracted it from the extracted
spectra. Since our IRS targets are found within a degree of the GC, spatial
variations in the zodiacal emission are negligible. The correction for zodiacal
emission has no direct impact on emission line flux measurements, but has an
influence on the extinction correction since we measure foreground extinction
from the continuum emission near the $10\ \mu$m silicate feature (see
\S~\ref{sec:extinction}).
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.95}
\plotone{fig2.eps}
\caption{{\it Top:} Observed {\it Spitzer}/IRS spectrum in the ISM of the GC,
measured at $(l,b) = (+0.2588\arcdeg, -0.0119\arcdeg)$, after subtracting the
zodiacal emission. Different spectral orders are shown in alternating colors.
Ionic forbidden emission lines and molecular hydrogen lines are marked with
vertical lines, with dotted lines indicating non-detected emission lines.
Vertical grey strips centered at $10.2\ \mu$m and $13.9\ \mu$m mark continuum
regions used to estimate the $9.7\ \mu$m silicate optical depth ($\tau_{9.7}$)
for each line of sight (see text). {\it Bottom:} Extinction curve for the GC,
normalized to the extinction value in the $K$ passband \citep{chiar:06}.
\label{fig:spectra}}
\end{figure*}
We used the above procedure to obtain ISM spectra from {\tt SH} and {\tt LH} for
$428$ individual lines of sight in the GC (i.e., four background spectra for
each of $107$ point-source targets). Figure~\ref{fig:spectra} shows one of the
observed spectra in the GC, after the zodiacal light correction. Different IRS
spectral orders are shown in alternating colors. Forbidden emission lines and
molecular hydrogen lines are marked, and the wavelength ranges of strong
polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbon (PAH) emission features are indicated.
We identified spectral orders that best display individual lines, and used
Gaussian profile fits to compute line fluxes, as described in the following
section. Figure~\ref{fig:spectra} shows that order tilts are present in some of
the IRS spectra. In \citet{an:11}, we used low-resolution spectra to correct
for order tilts before we combined individual high-resolution spectra from
different orders. In the following analysis, however, we combined spectra
without order-tilt corrections, because our low-resolution background slits are
not always co-spatial with the high-resolution slit positions.
Figure~\ref{fig:spectra} shows that the line fluxes should not be strongly
affected by the order tilts.
\subsection{Measurement of Emission Line Strengths and Radial
Velocities}\label{sec:fitting}
We measured emission line fluxes from several ionic fine-structure lines, as
well as molecular hydrogen lines from pure rotational transitions, H$_2$ 0--0
S(0), H$_2$ 0--0 S(1), and H$_2$ 0--0 S(2). A list of emission lines included in
this paper is shown in Table~\ref{tab:tab1}, in order of increasing wavelength.
In addition to these lines, we attempted to measure a flux from other ionic
features such as [\ion{Ar}{5}] $13.1\ \mu$m, [\ion{P}{3}] $17.89\ \mu$m,
[\ion{Fe}{2}] $17.94\ \mu$m, [\ion{Fe}{2}] $24.52\ \mu$m, and [\ion{Fe}{2}]
$35.35\ \mu$m, but none of these features were strong enough to be detected. The
third column in Table~\ref{tab:tab1} shows IRS modules and spectral orders, from
which individual line fluxes were measured (see below). The fourth column shows
normalized extinction coefficients from the GC extinction curve in
\citet{chiar:06}; see also the bottom panel of Figure~\ref{fig:spectra}. The
ionization potential for each ion is listed in the last column in
Table~\ref{tab:tab1}.
\input{tab1.tex}
Figure~\ref{fig:line} shows examples of the line profile fits for the emission
lines listed in Table~\ref{tab:tab1}. Grey histograms are observed IRS spectra
from various lines of sight. The red line represents the best-fitting Gaussian
profile, obtained using the non-linear least squares fitting routine MPFIT
\citep{markwardt:09}. The underlying blue line shows a local continuum
constructed from a 1$^{st}$--3$^{rd}$ order polynomial fit to the continuum
points on each side of the emission line. A standard deviation of data points
from the continuum line was used as an effective $1\sigma$ error per data point
in the profile fitting. High order polynomials were used to determine a local
continuum near PAH emission features. Simultaneous fits of two Gaussian profiles
were made for two sets of blended emission lines, [\ion{Ne}{5}] $14.32\ \mu$m
and [\ion{Cl}{2}] $14.37\ \mu$m, and [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m and
[\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m.
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{1.0}
\plotone{fig3.eps}
\caption{Examples of line profile fits for the GC ISM spectra. Grey histograms
show observed {\it Spitzer}/IRS spectra, displayed over the same wavelength
interval, but with an arbitrary intensity scale on the vertical axis. Ionic
emission lines as well as pure rotational lines from molecular hydrogen, such as
H$_2$ $0-0$ S(0), H$_2$ $0-0$ S(1), and H$_2$ $0-0$ S(2), are shown. The
best-fitting Gaussian profile is shown as a red line on top of a local continuum
(blue line).
\label{fig:line}}
\end{figure*}
The total line flux was computed by integrating the underlying flux of the best
fitting Gaussian profile in wavenumber space. Errors in these line fluxes were
estimated by adding in quadrature the $1\sigma$ flux uncertainties derived from
uncertainties in the height and width of the Gaussian fit, or by propagating
$1\sigma$ errors in the local continuum, whichever is larger. The latter was
computed as \begin{equation}\label{eq:sigma} \sigma_{\rm flux} \approx F_{\rm
rms}\ \Delta \nu_{\rm max} \approx F_{\rm rms}\ \left(
\frac{c}{\lambda^2}\right) \Delta \lambda_{\rm max}, \end{equation} where
$F_{\rm rms}$ is the rms dispersion in the local continuum. The parameter
$\Delta \lambda_{\rm max}$ is the maximum value of the full-width at
half-maximum (FWHM) of the line profile set in the Gaussian line fitting, which
we assumed to be $\Delta v = 600$~km~s$^{-1}$ for all lines. In most cases,
errors propagated from Gaussian fits were larger than those estimated using
Equation~\ref{eq:sigma}.
The line center was allowed to vary in our line fitting procedure, from which we
measured line-of-sight velocities ($v_r$) from individual emission lines.
Although high-resolution spectra from {\it Spitzer}/IRS have a relatively low
spectral resolution ($R \equiv \Delta \lambda / \lambda = 600$), radial
velocities can be obtained with a precision of a few tens of kilometers per
second for strong emission lines \citep[e.g.,][]{simpson:07}. We computed radial
velocities in the Local Standard of Rest (LSR), after correcting for the
spacecraft motion: the correction terms (keyword {\tt VLSRCORR} provided by the
SSC) for May and October 2008 observing runs were $+38.9$~km/s and $-18.5$~km/s,
respectively.
The accuracy of our radial velocity measurements was evaluated as follows.
First of all, we compared $v_r$ measurements from the same ionic species,
[\ion{S}{3}] $18.71\ \mu$m and [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m, which are found on
two different IRS modules. We found that the mean difference in $v_r$ between
these lines is $\Delta v_r = 31$~km~s$^{-1}$, indicating the error from a
module-to-module and/or order-to-order change in the IRS wavelength calibration.
In addition, the scatter in the $v_r$ difference from these two lines is
$\sigma_{v} = 17$~km~s$^{-1}$, which is a measure of the precision in the $v_r$
determination.
The size of systematic errors in $v_r$ can be further examined by comparing
$v_r$ determined among strong ionic emission lines. We used [\ion{Ne}{2}]
$12.81\ \mu$m as a basis of comparison in $v_r$. We found a median difference in
$v_r$ for all of the IRS spectra at $l \leq +0.2\arcdeg$ as follows: $\Delta v_r
= +5.3$~km~s$^{-1}$ for [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m, $\Delta v_r =
-10.8$~km~s$^{-1}$ for [\ion{S}{3}] $18.71\ \mu$m, $\Delta v_r =
+21.7$~km~s$^{-1}$ for [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m, and $\Delta v_r =
+71.1$~km~s$^{-1}$ for [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m, respectively, in the sense
that a positive difference indicates a larger $v_r$ from a given line than from
[\ion{Ne}{2}]. We used these $\Delta v_r$ values to first shift all ionic lines
to the [\ion{Ne}{2}] velocity. The [\ion{Ne}{2}] line has on average a smaller
$v_r$ by $\Delta v_r = 22.60$~km~s$^{-1}$ than the mean $v_{\rm LSR} =
+51.0$~km~s$^{-1}$ measured from a hydrogen recombination line in Sgr~B1
\citep{mehringer:92}. We thus applied this second correction to shift all ionic
lines to match \citet{mehringer:92} in Sgr B1.
Molecular hydrogen lines from pure rotational transitions are also strong enough
to be detected in the GC and provide radial velocities. We compared $v_r$ from
individual IRS spectra to the peak $v_r$ of CO $J=4\rightarrow3$ emission
\citep{martin:04} at $-0.2\arcdeg < l < 1.0\arcdeg$, and found $\Delta v_r =
+62.5$~km~s$^{-1}$, $+51.2$~km~s$^{-1}$, and $+29.4$~km~s$^{-1}$, for H$_2$ S(2)
$12.28\ \mu$m, H$_2$ S(1) $17.04\ \mu$m, and H$_2$ S(0) $28.22\ \mu$m,
respectively. The sense of the difference is that radial velocities from these
lines are on average lower than those from the CO line. We then shift all H$_2$
lines to the CO velocity.
The above systematic offsets in the measured $v_r$ indicate that the wavelength
calibration error in the {\it Spitzer}/IRS spectra is on the order of at least a
few tens of kilometers per second. To summarize, we put all $v_r$ measurements
from the IRS observations in the Local Standard of Rest (LSR) by applying
zero-point offsets to $v_r$.
\subsection{Foreground Extinction Estimates}\label{sec:extinction}
We corrected line flux measurements for foreground extinction between the GC and
the Sun. This was done on a spectrum-to-spectrum basis, because of the patchy
dust extinction in the GC. We utilized two different approaches to correcting
for foreground extinction.
The first approach is based on the method developed in \citet{simpson:07}, who
determined the flux ratio at $10\ \mu$m and $14\ \mu$m ($F_{14}/F_{10}$) and
used it to infer the optical depth of the $9.7\ \mu$m silicate absorption
feature ($\tau_{9.7}$) near the Radio Arc Bubble. Following the
\citeauthor{simpson:07} prescription, we estimated mean fluxes at $10.00\ \mu$m
$\leq \lambda \leq 10.48\ \mu$m and $13.50\ \mu$m $\leq \lambda \leq 14.30\
\mu$m from {\tt SH} spectra after a $3\sigma$ rejection. As shown by vertical
grey strips in Figure~\ref{fig:spectra}, these two continuum wavelength ranges
are almost free of PAHs features and ionic emission lines. Then we estimated
$\tau_{9.7}$ for each line of sight, by using a simple linear relationship
between the $9.7\ \mu$m silicate optical depth and the continuum flux ratio,
$\tau_{9.7} = (\ln{(F_{14}/F_{10})} - 0.809) / 0.560$, which was inferred from
tabulated values in \citet{simpson:07}. The top panel in Figure~\ref{fig:tau}
shows the spatial distribution of $\tau_{9.7}$ derived in this way for all
lines of sight in our program.
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.64]{fig4a.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.64]{fig4b.ps}
\caption{Extinction maps shown as the silicate optical depth at $9.7\ \mu$m
($\tau_{9.7}$) in the line of sight to the GC. Each pixel covers
$1.5\arcmin\times1.5\arcmin$ ($\sim 3.5$~pc $\times 3.5$~pc), and key features
of the GC are overlaid (see Figure~\ref{fig:map}). {\it Top:} The $9.7\ \mu$m
silicate optical depth inferred from the ratio of $10\ \mu$m and $14\ \mu$m
continuum fluxes based on the \citet{simpson:07} method. {\it Bottom:} The $9.7\
\mu$m silicate optical depth from the \citet{schultheis:09} extinction map,
which is based on 2MASS and {\it Spitzer}/IRAC colors of GC giants. We convert
$A_V$ from \citet{schultheis:09} into $\tau_{9.7}$ by adopting $A_V / \tau_{9.7}
= 9$ \citep{roche:85}.
\label{fig:tau}}
\end{figure*}
Alternatively, we utilized the $A_V$ extinction map toward the GC
\citep{schultheis:09} based on the observed stellar locus of red giant stars on
2MASS and {\it Spitzer}/IRAC color-color diagrams. The bottom panel in
Figure~\ref{fig:tau} shows the distribution of $\tau_{9.7}$ from
\citet{schultheis:09}, after converting their $A_V$ values into $\tau_{9.7}$
using $A_V / \tau_{9.7} = 9$ \citep{roche:85}.
Figure~\ref{fig:extinction} compares $\tau_{9.7}$ derived using the
\citet{simpson:07} method to the visual extinction ($A_V$) from
\citet{schultheis:09}. Figure~\ref{fig:extinction} shows a large scatter
between these two independent extinction estimates. However, their mean trend
agrees well with the GC relation \citep[][$A_V / \tau_{9.7} = 9$]{roche:85}.
For comparison, we also show the relationship for the local ISM \citep[][$A_V /
\tau_{9.7} = 18.5$]{roche:84} in Figure~\ref{fig:extinction}, which does not
match the observed trend in the GC at all.
\begin{figure}
\epsscale{1.05}
\plotone{fig5.eps}
\caption{Comparison between the silicate optical depth at $9.7\ \mu$m
($\tau_{9.7}$) derived using the \citet{simpson:07} method (F$_{14}$/F$_{10}$)
and the visual extinction ($A_V$) from the \citet{schultheis:09} extinction map
for all of the IRS background spectra. Dashed lines are previously measured
relationships in the line of sight to the GC \citep[$A_V / \tau_{9.7} =
9$;][]{roche:85} and for the local ISM \citep[$A_V / \tau_{9.7} =
18.5$;][]{roche:84}, respectively.
\label{fig:extinction}}
\end{figure}
In the following analysis, we derived $\tau_{9.7}$ using \citet{simpson:07}
method and present results after correcting line fluxes for extinction, unless
otherwise stated. However, we repeated our analysis with foreground extinction
from the \citet{schultheis:09} map, and compared results with each other. As
shown below, our main results are solid, and are only weakly dependent on the
specific choice of foreground extinction correction.
In addition to the above extinction corrections, we further corrected observed
line fluxes from [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m for the absorption induced by
CO$_2$ ice grains on a spectrum-to-spectrum basis. We used the same procedure
as in \citet{an:11} to decompose a wide CO$_2$ ice absorption band over $\sim15\
\mu$m--$16\ \mu$m using five laboratory spectral components of different CO$_2$
ice mixtures, and obtained an optical depth of the CO$_2$ ice from the
best-fitting model profile. The mean optical depth from all of the GC ISM
spectra is $\langle \Delta \tau \rangle=0.065$ at the position of the
[\ion{Ne}{3}] line. The relatively small optical depth at $15.56\ \mu$m is
because the [\ion{Ne}{3}] line is located in the long-wavelength wing of the
CO$_2$ ice absorption, in addition to the fact that the CO$_2$ ice band in the
ISM is weaker and narrower than those seen in massive YSOs \citep[see][]{an:11}.
For a given $\tau_{9.7}$, we corrected a line flux for interstellar extinction
at each wavelength using \begin{equation} A_\lambda = \left(
\frac{A_\lambda}{A_K} \right) \left( \frac{A_K}{A_V} \right) \left(
\frac{A_V}{\tau_{9.7}} \right) \tau_{9.7}, \end{equation} where $A_\lambda /
A_K$ is the GC extinction curve value in \citet{chiar:06}, normalized to the
extinction in the $K$ bandpass (see Table~\ref{tab:tab1}). We adopted $A_K /
A_V\approx0.11$ \citep{figer:99} and the GC relation of $A_V / \tau_{9.7} = 9$
as determined by \citet{roche:85}. The extinction-corrected line flux was then
obtained using \begin{equation} \log{f_0} = \log{f_{\rm obs}} + 0.4 A_\lambda.
\end{equation}
\subsection{Coadded GC ISM Spectra}\label{sec:coadd}
In addition to individual ISM spectra, we also created and analyzed a coadded GC
spectrum as shown in Figure~\ref{fig:coadd}. This allows us to compare the ISM
spectrum measured across $\sim200$~pc to the individual spectra with the
$\sim3.5$~pc resolution. We constructed the coadded IRS spectrum by summing
fluxes from $428$ individual high-resolution spectra in the GC. The top panel
in Figure~\ref{fig:coadd} shows the spectrum coadded without any foreground
extinction correction. The bottom panel displays the result of correcting each
individual spectrum for extinction based on the \citet{simpson:07} method
(\S~\ref{sec:extinction}), then coadding the corrected spectra. We also
illustrate the spectrum created by correcting each individual spectrum for
extinction with the \citet{schultheis:09} extinction map, then coadding. The
coadded spectra from each extinction correction method are very similar. We
present below line fluxes from the coadded spectrum together with those obtained
from individual spectra.
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.95}
\plotone{fig6.eps}
\caption{Coadded GC ISM spectra constructed from 428 high-resolution IRS
spectra. Locations of ionic forbidden emission lines and molecular hydrogen
lines are marked, where dotted lines indicate positions of weakly detected
emission lines. {\it Top:} Coadded spectrum created by adding fluxes from
individual IRS spectra without foreground extinction corrections. {\it Bottom:}
Same as in the top panel, but coadded after correcting individual spectra for
extinction based on the \citet{simpson:07} method. Underlying grey line shows
the same but with extinction corrections based on the \citet{schultheis:09}
extinction map. Different spectral orders are shown in alternating colors.
\label{fig:coadd}}
\end{figure*}
\section{Results}\label{sec:results}
\subsection{Panoramic Emission Line Mapping in the GC}\label{sec:mapping}
Panoramic emission line maps are displayed in Figure~\ref{fig:elines} in a
logarithmic flux scale for each line. Only those lines detected at more than a
$3\sigma$ level were included. Table~\ref{tab:tab2} provides the individual line
fluxes used in these maps, after correcting for dust extinction using the
\citet{simpson:07} technique. Only a portion of Table~\ref{tab:tab2} is shown
here to demonstrate its form and content, and a machine-readable version of the
full table is available in the electronic edition of the Journal.
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7a.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7b.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7c.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7d.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7e.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7f.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7g.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7h.ps}
\caption{Panoramic emission line maps in the GC. Line intensities from
individual spectra are averaged together within each
$1.5\arcmin\times1.5\arcmin$ ($\sim 3.5$~pc $\times 3.5$~pc) pixel if the lines
are detected at more than a $3\sigma$ level. Average line intensities are shown
in a logarithmic scale (W m$^{-2}$ sr$^{-1}$), after correcting for foreground
extinction ($\tau_{9.7}$) derived from the ratio between $10\ \mu$m and $14\
\mu$m continuum fluxes ($F_{14}/F_{10}$; see top panel in Figure~\ref{fig:tau}).
Key GC features are shown (see Figure~\ref{fig:map}).
\label{fig:elines}}
\end{figure*}
\setcounter{figure}{6}
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7i.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7j.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7k.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7l.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7m.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7n.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7o.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig7p.ps}
\caption{Cont'd.
\label{fig:elines_b}}
\end{figure*}
\input{tab2.tex}
Table~\ref{tab:tab3} lists the line fluxes measured by coadding all GC spectra,
with three different extinction correction methods. The line fluxes and ratios
listed in the second column are those measured from a spectrum coadded from
individual spectra that have first been corrected for extinction using the
\citet{simpson:07} $F_{14}/F_{10}$ technique. Similarly, values in the third
column are those measured in a spectrum coadded from individual spectra that
were first corrected using the \citet{schultheis:09} extinction map. The last
column lists line fluxes and ratios measured by coadding all GC spectra, then
applying an extinction correction for $\tau_{9.7} = 3.439$ (the median value
obtained from the \citet{simpson:07} $F_{14}/F_{10}$ technique; see
Figure~\ref{fig:extinction}).
\input{tab3.tex}
Mapping results in Figure~\ref{fig:elines} are shown in the same order of
increasing wavelength as in Table~\ref{tab:tab1}. Each pixel in the map covers a
$1.5\arcmin\times1.5\arcmin$ region of the sky ($\sim 3.5$~pc $\times 3.5$~pc),
which is an order of magnitude larger than the area covered by a slit entrance
of either {\tt SH} or {\tt LH}. We divided each extracted line flux by the areal
coverage of the corresponding slit entrance ($53\ {\rm arcsec}^2$ for {\tt SH}
and $248\ {\rm arcsec}^2$ for {\tt LH}), and computed unweighted mean
intensities (W~m$^{-2}$~sr$^{-1}$) in each pixel of the map in
Figure~\ref{fig:elines}. Each pixel includes two background IRS pointings on
average.
Average line intensities in Figure~\ref{fig:elines} were corrected for
foreground dust extinction derived using the \citet{simpson:07} method
(\S~\ref{sec:extinction}), which relies on the continuum flux ratio between $10\
\mu$m and $14\ \mu$m (see the top panel in Figure~\ref{fig:tau}). Mid-IR
forbidden emission lines, such as [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m, [\ion{Ne}{3}]
$15.56\ \mu$m, [\ion{S}{3}] $18.71\ \mu$m, [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m, and
[\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m, are strong in the CMZ. Their line strengths vary
across the region, with strongest emission observed near the Arches cluster and
Sgr~B1. Weaker emission is observed in the CMZ for H I 7--6 12.37 $\mu$m,
[\ion{Cl}{2}] 14.37 $\mu$m, [\ion{Fe}{3}] 22.93 $\mu$m, and [\ion{Fe}{2}] 25.99
$\mu$m. Emission from pure rotational H$_2$ lines, 0--0 S(0), 0--0 S(1), and
0--0 S(2) at $28.22\ \mu$m, $17.04\ \mu$m, and $12.28\ \mu$m, respectively, is
also strong, but these H$_2$ lines are relatively constant over the CMZ. We will
discuss the uniform H$_2$ emission in \S~\ref{sec:hydrogen}, further utilizing
radial velocities measured from the IRS spectra. Fine structure lines from
highly ionized species such as [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m are found throughout
the CMZ, but [\ion{S}{4}] 10.51 $\mu$m, [\ion{Ne}{5}] $14.32\ \mu$m and
[\ion{Ne}{5}] $24.32\ \mu$m were detected only in a few lines of sight to the
GC. Our mapping results and interpretation remain qualitatively unchanged if the
\citet{schultheis:09} map is used for the foreground extinction correction.
\subsection{Molecular Hydrogen Line Emission and Radial Velocity
Mapping}\label{sec:hydrogen}
Figure~\ref{fig:elines} shows line intensity maps for pure rotational
transitions from the lowest three levels of molecular hydrogen, H$_2$ S(2)
$12.28\ \mu$m, S(1) $17.04\ \mu$m, and S(0) $28.22\ \mu$m. We detected these
lines in almost all lines of sight in the GC at more than a $3\sigma$ level.
Their intensity distributions are rather uniform in the CMZ, compared to the
spatial structures seen for ionic forbidden emission lines. We also find weak
correlations in line intensities between the pure rotational hydrogen emission
and ionic forbidden lines ($0.3 \la p \la 0.6$); correlations are stronger ($p
\ga 0.9$) among strong forbidden emission lines.
The pure rotational H$_2$ lines from warm molecular gas are important tools for
studying heating mechanisms in the GC \citep[e.g., see][for extragalactic
H$_2$ line measurement]{roussel:07}. \citet{rf:04} suggested that a combination
of PDRs and diffuse ionized gas can be used to explain the observed dust, H$_2$,
neutral gas, and ionized gas emission in the GC. \citet{pak:96} also found that
the most likely cause of the large-scale ro-vibrational H$_2$
$\nu=1\rightarrow0$ S(1) emission at $2.12\ \mu$m in the GC is UV excitation by
hot massive stars. However, \citet{rf:05} showed that while PDR models can
reproduce the observed pure rotational H$_2$ lines from excited levels in the
GC, they are not enough to explain all the emission from the lowest levels, S(0)
and S(1). They argued that low velocity shocks or turbulent motions are needed
as an additional heating mechanism to reproduce excess emission from low
excitation H$_2$ lines. On the other hand, \citet{simpson:07} concluded, based
on their H$_2$ rotational line measurements, that multi-component models of warm
molecular gas in PDRs along the line of sight to the GC can fully explain the
observed H$_2$ line ratios, without requiring shocks.
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8a.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8b.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8c.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8d.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8e.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8f.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8g.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig8h.ps}
\caption{Panoramic radial velocity maps of the GC, constructed from strong ionic
and molecular hydrogen emission lines. The vertical line indicates the Galactic
longitude of Sgr~A* at the dynamical center of the Galaxy. The sense of the
rotation is that the eastern part of the GC, including the Sgr~B complex, is
systematically receding from the Sun (positive $v_r$), consistent with the
rotation of the Galactic disk. Each pixel covers $1.5\arcmin\times1.5\arcmin$
($\sim 3.5$~pc $\times 3.5$~pc). Key features of the GC are overlaid (see
Figure~\ref{fig:map}).
\label{fig:vlos}}
\end{figure*}
To further investigate the source of low-level rotational H$_2$ lines, we
compared radial velocity distributions of various mid-IR emission lines.
Figure~\ref{fig:vlos} shows panoramic radial velocity ($v_r$) maps of the CMZ
for several strong ionic and molecular hydrogen emission lines. Radial
velocities from strong ionic lines exhibit a systematic rotation of the CMZ,
consistent with the rotation of the Galactic disk. The sense of the rotation
is that the eastern part of the GC, including the Sgr~B complex, is
systematically receding from the Sun (positive $v_r$), and the Sgr~C complex is
systematically approaching the Sun (negative $v_r$), with respect to the
dynamical center of the Galaxy, indicated by a vertical dotted line at Sgr~A*.
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.45]{fig9a.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.45]{fig9b.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.45]{fig9c.ps}
\caption{{\it Top:} Average antenna temperatures (T$^*_A$) at $|b| <
0.1\arcdeg$ from CO $J=4\rightarrow3$ survey \citep{martin:04}. Large cross
signs indicate radial velocities from radio recombination-line studies:
\citet[][Sgr~B2]{depree:96}, \citet[][Arches cluster]{lang:01}, and
\citet[][Sgr~C]{liszt:95}. {\it Middle:} Radial velocities from strong
forbidden emission lines, at $|b| < 0.1\arcdeg$, on top of the CO $l$-$v$
diagram. {\it Bottom:} Radial velocities from molecular hydrogen lines, on top
of the CO $l$-$v$ diagram. Vertical dotted lines indicate Galactic longitudes
of several landmarks in the CMZ.
\label{fig:vlos.corr}}
\end{figure*}
Radial velocity distributions as a function of Galactic longitude are displayed
in Figure~\ref{fig:vlos.corr}, on top of the $l$-$v_r$ diagram of CO
$J=4\rightarrow3$ \citep{martin:04}; see \S~\ref{sec:fitting} for details on
the $v_r$ determination. Only those $v_r$ measurements near the Galatic plane,
$|b| < 0.1\arcdeg$, are included in the $l$-$v_r$ diagrams, and averaged
antenna temperatures ($T^*_A$) from the CO survey are shown in the same
latitude range.
Three large cross signs in the upper panel of Figure~\ref{fig:vlos.corr}
indicate radial velocities from radio recombination-line studies
\citep{depree:96,lang:01, liszt:95}, independent of the $v_r$ measurement in
\citet{mehringer:92}. These show an excellent agreement with our $v_r$ values
from ionic lines (middle panel). The IRS ionic lines generally follow a lower
branch (smaller $v_r$) in the CO $l$-$v_r$ diagram, and the highly negative
radial velocities observed in the northern rim of Sgr~A are associated with the
Arched Filaments and the Radio Bubble \citep[e.g.,][]{simpson:07}. The IRS
spectral resolution is not high enough to resolve individual radial velocity
structures along the line of sight as in the CO survey, and our $v_r$
measurements refer to those that belong to the highest peak of the emission.
Radial velocities from the molecular hydrogen lines S(0), S(1), and S(2) are
displayed in the bottom panel of Figure~\ref{fig:vlos.corr}. As shown in this
panel, H$_2$ lines show a systematically flatter $v_r$ curve than those from
forbidden lines (middle panel). The flatness of the $v_r$ curve depends on
H$_2$ excitation, with S(0) showing the most difference from [\ion{Ne}{2}] and
S(2) showing the least. The H$_2$ velocities and [\ion{Ne}{2}] velocities
differ most in the region between the Arches cluster and Sgr A, and toward Sgr
C. \citet{simpson:07} also found a systematically different $v_r$ between
ionized species and molecular hydrogen. Our mapping results show that $v_r$
from the lowest H$_2$ energy level, S(0), even exhibits flat rotation near
Sgr~A*. A flat $v_r$ distribution in the longitude vs.\ radial velocity diagram
toward the GC is typically attributed to gas clouds in the disk along the line
of sight to the GC \citep[e.g.,][]{binney:91,rf:06}. This suggests that the
H$_2$ line-emitting clouds are a superposition of several dense clouds along the
line of sight to the GC. The $v_r$ offsets for H$_2$ emission lines are still
uncertain, because we opted to use the CO $J=4\rightarrow3$ data cube
\citep{martin:04} at a particular longitude range, $-0.2\arcdeg < l <
+1.0\arcdeg$ (see \S~\ref{sec:fitting}).
Both the uniform H$_2$ intensity distributions and distinct H$_2$ radial
velocity structures suggest that a significant fraction of the S(0) emission,
and a smaller fraction of S(1) and S(2) emission, arise in clouds that are
probably not associated with the mid-IR forbidden line emitting cloud complexes
in the CMZ.
\subsection{Emission Line Ratio Mapping in the GC}
Mapping results for forbidden line ratios are presented in
Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}. Line fluxes with extinction corrections from the
\citet{simpson:07} $F_{14}/F_{10}$ technique were used in the computation of
these line ratios, and only those detected at more than a $3\sigma$ level were
included in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}. A moving boxcar average for these line
ratios is shown on the right panels as a function of the Galactic longitude,
where the error bars indicate the standard deviation of data points in each
longitude bin. We also present moving boxcar-averaged line ratios with
extinction corrections from the \citet{schultheis:09} map (dashed green line)
and without any correction for extinction (dashed grey line). The [\ion{S}{3}]
18.71 $\mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] 33.48 $\mu$m line ratio is strongly affected by
extinction, as \citet{simpson:07} also found, and we therefore move the
discussion of this line ratio to the Appendix. All of the other line ratios in
Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio} are insensitive to the extinction correction, and
will be discussed in the following sections.
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig10a.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10b.eps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig10c.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10d.eps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.42]{fig10e.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10f.eps}
\caption{Panoramic maps of line intensity ratios in the GC ({\it left}) and
corresponding line ratios as a function of Galactic longitude ({\it right}).
Only those lines detected at more than a $3\sigma$ level are included in the
above mapping of average line ratios within each $1.5\arcmin\times1.5\arcmin$
($\sim 3.5$~pc $\times 3.5$~pc) pixel. Line ratios are corrected for foreground
extinction based on the ratio between $10\ \mu$m and $14\ \mu$m continuum fluxes
($F_{14}/F_{10}$; see the top panel in Figure~\ref{fig:tau}). Moving averaged
points are connected with a solid red line, where error bars indicate a
$1\sigma$ dispersion in each moving average box. Green dashed lines are moving
averaged flux ratios assuming the \citet{schultheis:09} extinction map, and the
grey dashed lines are the data without extinction corrections. Key features of
the GC are overlaid in the left panels (see Figure~\ref{fig:map}). Horizontal
dotted line at [\ion{S}{3}] $18.71\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m $=0.4$
represents the theoretical lower limit, where the gas electron density ($n_e$)
approaches zero \citep{rubin:89}.
\label{fig:lineratio}}
\end{figure*}
\setcounter{figure}{9}
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10g.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10h.eps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10i.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10j.eps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10k.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10l.eps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10m.ps}
\includegraphics[scale=0.40]{fig10n.eps}
\caption{Cont'd.
\label{fig:lineratio_b}}
\end{figure*}
We illustrate the distribution of [\ion{Fe}{3}] $22.93\ \mu$m / [\ion{Fe}{2}]
$25.99\ \mu$m as a function of Galactic longitude in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}.
This line ratio shows a broad peak centered at $l \sim +0.15\arcdeg$, near the
Quintuplet and Arches clusters of massive stars and the Radio Bubble. The
[\ion{Fe}{3}] $22.93\ \mu$m / [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m ratio is not sensitive
to the hardness of the ionizing radiation field, as [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m
/ [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m is (see below). Instead, it is sensitive to the
ionization parameter, $U$, which is the ratio of the photoionization rate to the
recombination rate \citep{contini:09}. This is because [\ion{Fe}{3}] $22.93\
\mu$m, with an ionization potential of $16.2$~eV, only arises in ionized gas,
while [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m, with an ionization potential of $7.9$~eV,
can arise both from neutral and ionized gas \citep{kaufman:06}.
Comparisons of models with previous GC ISM observations have found $-3 \leq
\log(U) \leq -1$ \citep{rf:05,contini:09}.
\section{Comparison with Nearby Galaxies}\label{sec:discussion}
In this section, we compare ratios of ionic lines mapped in the GC to ratios
measured in the {\it Spitzer} Infrared Nearby Galaxies Survey (SINGS)
\citep{dale:09}. The SINGS sample \citep{kennicutt:03} contains 75 galaxies,
evenly distributed among elliptical, spiral, and irregular galaxies, and
including a range of nuclear activity (quiescent, starburst, LINER, Seyfert).
The SINGS galaxies have a median distance of $9.5$~Mpc, and the closest is at
$0.6$~Mpc. The IRS {\tt SH} and {\tt LH} slits correspond to $14$~pc $\times
33$~pc and $32$~pc $\times 65$~pc, respectively, for a galaxy at $0.6$~Mpc; they
cover $220$~pc $\times 520$~pc and $510$~pc $\times 1000$~pc, respectively, for
a galaxy at $9.5$~Mpc. By comparison, we bin our GC line data into $1.5\arcmin
\times 1.5\arcmin$ pixels ($3.5$~pc $\times 3.5$~pc). Our coadded spectrum of
the CMZ is constructed from spectra across a $210$~pc $\times 60$~pc region,
which is a good match to the SINGS spatial resolution.
\subsection{Radiation Field Hardness and Oxygen Abundance}\label{sec:hardness}
The [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m line ratio is a
useful indicator of the radiation field hardness for star-forming regions, as
this ratio is higher when stars are hotter. The mapping results for this line
ratio are included in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}. As shown in this map, the
highest excitation gas traced by [\ion{Ne}{3}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}] ratio is peaked in
the Radio Bubble and Quintuplet cluster, where ionizing photons from newly born
massive stars in the Quintuplet cluster are most likely responsible for the hard
radiation field. \citet{simpson:07} also found the same result along the
$l \approx 0.1\arcdeg$ stripe \citep[see also][]{rf:05}. The mean line ratio
($\approx0.1$--$1$) is consistent with recent bursts of massive star formation
in this region in the last few million years \citep[e.g.,][]{thornley:00,rf:05},
and is insensitive to a choice of foreground extinction corrections (see
dashed lines in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}).
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.72}
\plotone{fig11.eps}
\caption{Modification of Figure~$4$ in \citet{dale:09}, displaying [\ion{Ne}{3}]
$15.56\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m as a function of oxygen abundance
for nuclear and extra-nuclear star-forming regions (open blue circles) in the
{\it Spitzer} Infrared Nearby Galaxies Survey (SINGS). AGNs are shown as red
filled triangles. The number distribution of GC spectra in
[\ion{Ne}{3}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}] is shown in the right panel. Filled diamond point
represents a median line ratio at the GC, plotted at the oxygen abundance, $[12
+ \log{({\rm O/H})}] = 9.04\pm0.19$, measured in GC stellar photospheres
\citep{cunha:07}. The vertical error bars indicate the interquartile range of
line ratios measured in the GC. Open box shows the line flux ratio from the
coadded GC spectrum.
\label{fig:lineratioOH}}
\end{figure*}
The [\ion{Ne}{3}] / [\ion{Ne}{2}] ratio also depends on the nebular oxygen
abundance, [O/H]. Figure~\ref{fig:lineratioOH} is a modification of Figure~$4$
in \citet{dale:09}, which shows [\ion{Ne}{3}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}] measured from a
sample of normal star-forming regions (both nuclear and extra-nuclear; open blue
circles) in SINGS. As shown in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratioOH}, the line
ratio decreases as the nebular oxygen abundance increases in these normal
extragalactic star-forming regions, because the UV stellar spectrum of ionizing
hot stars depends on the (photospheric) metal abundance. Active galactic
nuclei (AGNs) are also displayed as red filled triangles, but they do not follow
the line ratio vs.\ abundance trend observed among extra-galactic star-forming
regions.
The median [\ion{Ne}{3}] / [\ion{Ne}{2}] ratio ($\approx0.08$) measured in the
GC is shown as a filled diamond point in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratioOH}, and the
number distribution of GC spectra is displayed in the right panel. The vertical
error bars indicate the interquartile range of line ratios measured in the GC
($=0.05$--$0.14$). The line ratios from the coadded spectrum
(Table~\ref{tab:tab3}), shown as an open box symbol, are consistent with the
median value within the interquartile ranges. The [\ion{Ne}{3}] / [\ion{Ne}{2}]
line ratio of the CMZ in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratioOH} is plotted at the stellar
oxygen abundance, $[12 + \log{({\rm O/H})}] = 9.04\pm0.19$ \citep{cunha:07},
which was derived from high-resolution infrared spectroscopy of five luminous
cool stars within $30$~pc of the GC. Their abundance measurement is consistent
with \citet{davies:09}, who measured $[12 + \log{({\rm O/H})}] = 9.09\pm0.11$
from a star that was not included in \citet{cunha:07}.
Figure~\ref{fig:lineratioOH} demonstrates that the CMZ follows the abundance
vs.\ [\ion{Ne}{3}] / [\ion{Ne}{2}] trend observed in normal star-forming regions
in nearby galaxies. This implies that the hardness of the stellar energy
distribution in the GC is similar to those found in nuclear and extra-nuclear
star-forming environments, assuming that the nebular oxygen abundance [O/H] is
close to what was measured from stars in the GC.
\subsection{AGN vs.\ Normal Star-Forming Activities in the GC}\label{sec:agn}
Empirical evidence suggests that some mid-IR line ratios are useful diagnostic
tools for discriminating between normal star-forming regions and AGNs
\citep{lutz:98,sturm:06,dale:09}. In this section, we use several of these
emission-line diagnostics, such as [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}]
$33.48\ \mu$m and [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m, to
study properties of gas clouds in the CMZ. We inspect these line ratios in our
GC spectra, both separately and as a whole, and compare results with those
observed in other nearby galaxies.
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.72}
\plotone{fig12.eps}
\caption{Modification of Figure~$6$ in \citet{dale:09}, showing [\ion{Si}{2}]
$34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m. Normal star-forming regions (both nuclear and
extra-nuclear) and AGNs are displayed as open blue circles and filled red
triangles, respectively. Grey points are individual GC spectra, and their
number distributions are shown on each axis. Filled diamond point represents
median line ratios in the CMZ, with interquartile ranges of line ratios
indicated by error bars. Open box shows the line flux ratio from the coadded GC
spectrum.
\label{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}}
\end{figure*}
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.72}
\plotone{fig13.eps}
\caption{Same as in Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}, but for [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\
\mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m /
[\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m. Two dashed diagonal lines show approximate divisions
from \citet{sturm:06} into values for starbursts, LINERs (or pure shocks), and
Seyferts (see their Figure~2).
\label{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4}}
\end{figure*}
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.72}
\plotone{fig14.eps}
\caption{Same as in Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}, but for [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\
\mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m.
\label{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2}}
\end{figure*}
\begin{figure*}
\epsscale{0.72}
\plotone{fig15.eps}
\caption{Same as in Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}, but for [\ion{Si}{2}]
$34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m.
\label{fig:Si2S3vsO4Ne2}}
\end{figure*}
\subsubsection{[\ion{Si}{2}]/[\ion{S}{3}] and [\ion{Fe}{2}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}]}
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}, which is a modification of Figure~$6$ in
\citet{dale:09}, is one of such diagnostic tools, showing [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\
\mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m from SINGS. Both nuclear and extra-nuclear
star-forming regions are shown as blue circles, and AGNs are shown as red filled
triangles. Previous theoretical work showed that the [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m
line can be emitted either from PDRs or \ion{H}{2} regions, while [\ion{S}{3}]
$33.48\ \mu$m is mostly from \ion{H}{2} regions \citep{kaufman:06}.
In Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}, normal star-forming regions show a strong
correlation between [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m and
[\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m, the latter being
another useful line diagnostic of the ionization parameter. However, AGNs
generally show higher values of these line ratios than values from normal
star-forming nuclear and extra-nuclear regions in nearby galaxies, and a
combination of these two IR line ratios separates AGNs and normal star-forming
regions relatively well. Physical reasons for this empirical division are
debated, but must include the low ionization potentials of Si$^+$ and Fe$^+$
ions ($8.15$~eV and $7.90$~eV, respectively) and the higher ionization
potentials of Ne$^+$ and S$^{++}$ ($21.56$~eV and $23.34$~eV, respectively).
\citet{dale:09} proposed a number of possible physical mechanisms for the
observed separation between AGNs and normal star-forming regions, which include
(1) enhanced dust destruction and sublimation of refractory elements (Si and Fe)
in the harsh AGN environment, (2) extended low-ionization volumes in AGNs
produced by X-ray photo-ionization processes, and/or (3) enhanced line emission
from [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m and [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m due to high gas
density in PDRs and/or X-ray dominated regions in AGNs.
Gray cross points in Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2} display line ratios measured
from individual GC spectra, shown only for those detected at more than a
$3\sigma$ significance. Their number distributions are shown in a histogram on
each axis. The filled diamond point represents the median line ratio from the
individual spectra of the entire CMZ ([\ion{Si}{2}] / [\ion{S}{3}] $=1.21$ and
[\ion{Fe}{2}] / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $=0.06$), with error bars indicating interquartile
ranges. The values from the coadded CMZ spectrum are shown as an open box
symbol; they are different from the median GC values because we only plot
$3\sigma$ detections. Clearly, the vast majority of the GC measurements and the
median GC values are found in an area that is mostly populated by normal
star-forming regions in nearby galaxies. Line ratios on both axes are
insensitive to extinction corrections.
\subsubsection{[\ion{O}{4}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}] , [\ion{Fe}{2}]/[\ion{O}{4}], and
[\ion{Ne}{3}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}]}
Another set of mid-IR line diagnostics to separate AGNs from normal star-forming
regions are displayed in Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4}, which plots [\ion{O}{4}]
$25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m /
[\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m, and in Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2}, which shows
[\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Ne}{3}]
$15.56\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m. Both diagrams, which involve line
emission from [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m, separate AGNs (red filled triangles)
from normal star-forming regions (blue open circles) relatively well; see
\citet{dale:09} for the SINGS targets used in these diagrams. In addition, two
diagonal dashed lines in Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4} show approximate
divisions between starbursts, LINERs (Low Ionization Nuclear Emission Regions)
and pure shocks, and Seyfert galaxies from \citet[see their Figure~2]{sturm:06}.
Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2} shows that there are a few normal star-forming
regions from SINGS (blue circles) with [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m greater than $\sim0.10$. These are low-metallicity
star-forming regions, as revealed from the comparison between
Figure~\ref{fig:lineratioOH} and Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2}, where strong
[\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m emission is due to a harder spectrum for the stellar
ionizing photons in low-metallicity environments.
Gray cross points in Figures~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4}--\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2}
represent our measurements from individual GC spectra. As in
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}, we only included emission lines with more than
$3\sigma$ detections. Number distributions of ionic line ratios are shown on
each axis. The median values from the individual spectra of the CMZ are
indicated by a grey diamond point; error bars represent the interquartile ranges
of distributions of individual GC spectra. The line ratios for the coadded GC
spectrum is displayed as an open box.
Figures~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4}--\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2} show that the
emission-line properties of the CMZ are similar to those of extragalactic
star-forming regions (blue circles) and starburst galaxies (upper left corner in
Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4}, fenced with a dashed diagonal line). This agrees
with our conclusion based on [\ion{Si}{2}] / [\ion{S}{3}] vs.\ [\ion{Fe}{2}] /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] diagnostics in Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}.
The line ratios for the coadded spectrum of the CMZ in
Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2} ([\ion{O}{4}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}]$\sim0.01$ and
[\ion{Ne}{3}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}]$\sim0.08$) are found within the range observed among
starburst galaxies \citep[][see their Figure~2]{lutz:98}. \citet{lutz:98}
suggested that shocks and/or hot stars are the likely origins of [\ion{O}{4}]
observed in these galaxies, rather than buried AGNs. \citet{simpson:07} also
reported widespread detection of [\ion{O}{4}] in the GC; they attributed this to
shocks in the CMZ \citep[see also][]{contini:09}. \citet{simpson:07} further
argued for the existence of shocked gas inside of the Radio Bubble based on the
high Fe abundance there, since grain destruction in shocks can return Fe to the
ISM.
If the above result implies the importance of shocked gas in the GC, widespread
detections of highly ionized ions such as [\ion{O}{4}] (Figure~\ref{fig:elines})
may support a large scale origin of turbulent motions in the GC. In other words,
the relatively uniform intensity distributions of these lines in our mapping
suggest that conditions for producing the lines are common throughout the CMZ.
One likely explanation is a dissipation of supersonic turbulence ($\ga10$~km/s
in the CMZ) induced by differential Galactic rotation or shearing motion of
clouds in the GC \citep[e.g.,][]{wilson:82,guesten:85}. However, shocks created
by massive stars are also likely; see \citet{rf:04} for discussion of other
potential heating mechanisms, such as cosmic rays, magnetic heatings, or X-ray
dominated regions.
While most of the GC points (gray crosses) in Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2} are
found in an area occupied by normal star-forming regions, including the coadded
spectrum of the CMZ, about $10\%$ of the detections fall into AGN territory. As
shown in the mapping results in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}, both [\ion{Si}{2}]
$34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m and [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m line ratios are peaked near Sgr~A and the
north-western rim of Sgr~B. The scatter of the [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m points in the moving average plot is larger than
that of [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m because
[\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m is relatively weak and blended with [\ion{O}{4}]
$25.89\ \mu$m. Nevertheless, the observed systematic trend in Galactic longitude
(right panels in Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio}) is larger than the random scatter
of data points, which means that those GC points in the upper right corner in
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2} are not entirely produced by a statistical
fluctuation.
Figures~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4} and \ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2} show that about 10\%
of individual GC spectra fall in the AGN (red filled triangles) region of these
line ratio diagrams, almost independent of the choice of extinction correction.
Note again that a few SINGS targets from extragalactic star-forming regions are
also found in the area denoted as AGNs in Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2},
because of their low metal abundance (see above). On the other hand, the GC
spectra with strong [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m are
not due to a low metallicity environment, because they follow the AGN sequence
in Figure~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2} rather than that of metal-poor, star-forming
regions, and because the GC has a supersolar oxygen abundance \citep{cunha:07,
davies:09}.
If high values of [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m and
low values of [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m / [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m in
Figures~\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsFe2O4} are due to ionization by a power-law continuum
source (i.e., an AGN), then the empirical division in
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2} leads to a conclusion that these same spectra
should also have high values of the ratios of [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m /
[\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m and [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}]
$12.81\ \mu$m. To answer the question of whether AGN-like points in
Figures~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsFe2Ne2}--\ref{fig:O4Ne2vsNe3Ne2} are from the same
individual GC spectra, we plot [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}]
$33.48\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m in
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsO4Ne2}. We also plot these line ratios measured in the
coadded CMZ spectrum, and compare to the line ratios measured in star-forming
galaxies and AGNs \citep{dale:09}.
We find that only $3\%$ of GC points fall in the AGN-like region of
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsO4Ne2}. Virtually all GC data points have ratios of
[\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m and [\ion{O}{4}]
$25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m agreeing with the line ratios
observed in star-forming galaxies. The few points that are not similar to
star-forming galaxies are those at high Galactic latitudes ($l\sim+0.4\arcdeg$,
$b\sim+0.2\arcdeg$ and $l\sim+0.6\arcdeg$, $b\sim+0.2\arcdeg$).
We considered whether the positions with AGN-like line ratios could be due
to having been irradiated by Sgr~A* if it was in a more active state in the
past. This idea has been suggested to explain bright \ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$
emission at $6.4$~keV in Sgr~B2 and other molecular clouds in the GC
\citep{sunyaev:93,koyama:96,murakami:01}. The \ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$ emission in
the GC varies spatially and temporily \citep{terrier:10}. \citet{capelli:12}
analyzed the \ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$ emission to derive a light curve for the
X-ray luminosity of Sgr~A* over the last several hundred years. Apparent
superluminal motion has also been observed in $6.4$~keV \ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$
emission \citep{ponti:10}. Others argue, however, that widespread
\ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$ emission in the GC can be explained by cosmic rays
\citep{yz:07,yz:13,chernyshov:12,tatischeff:12}. \citet{yz:13} show, in their
Figure~8a, an image of the equivalent width of \ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$ emission,
covering $-0.8\arcdeg < l < +0.7\arcdeg$ and $\pm0.4\arcdeg$ in $b$. We
compared this image to our Figure~\ref{fig:lineratio_b}, an image of the
[\ion{O}{4}]/[\ion{Ne}{2}] line ratio in the GC ISM. We find no correlation
between GC ISM positions with AGN-like line ratios and regions of enhanced
\ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$ emission. Our data do not support -- but neither do they
rule out -- the idea that strong $6.4$~keV \ion{Fe}{1}~K$\alpha$ emission is
caused by higher X-ray luminosity of Sgr A* in the past.
We conclude that our observations of mid-IR line emission in the central
$210$~pc $\times 60$~pc of the Galaxy show no evidence of excitation by a
power-law continuum. The few points that are not similar to star-forming
galaxies are outliers, such as those excited by very hot sources (e.g.,
Wolf-Rayet stars, planetary nebulae, or X-ray binaries), rather than belonging
to an AGN-like trend. Our results agree with those of \citet{simpson:07} and
\citet{contini:09}, who conclude that the mid-IR line ratios in a smaller {\it
Spitzer} data set can be explained by photoionization by hot stars, combined
with shocks.
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsO4Ne2} shows a significant offset between the median
value of [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m measured from
individual GC spectra and the value from the coadded CMZ spectrum. Emission
from [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m, [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m, and [\ion{S}{3}]
$33.48\ \mu$m is detected in virtually all individual GC spectra. The offset,
then, is due to faint [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m emission which is missing from
the number distribution for individual spectra (we only plot 3$\sigma$
detections) but which contributes to the coadded spectrum. Because the
[\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m line ratio from the
coadded spectrum is at the lower end of the range of GC line ratios on
Figure~\ref{fig:Si2S3vsO4Ne2}, we can be confident that excluding regions of
faint [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m emission does not change our conclusion that
the GC is similar to star-forming galaxies and not similar to AGNs.
\section{Summary}\label{sec:summary}
We present a mid-IR spectroscopic survey of $428$ positions in the ISM of the
CMZ using the {\it Spitzer}/IRS, and construct mid-IR emission line maps for
several forbidden and molecular hydrogen lines over the CMZ. We derive both
line strengths and radial velocities from individual lines, and compute line
flux ratios as a probe of physical conditions in the GC. Our mapping is
superior to previous survey results in terms of the total area covered in the
GC. We also construct a CMZ spectrum by coadding individual spectra after
correcting each for extinction.
Mid-IR emission lines from the pure rotational transitions of molecular
hydrogen, S(0), S(1), and S(2), are observed in almost all lines of sight to the
CMZ. Their intensity distribution in the GC is relatively uniform; their radial
velocity distributions are poorly correlated with those from ionic species, with
worse correlation for S(0) than S(2). We view this as evidence that most of the
H$_2$ S(0) emission, and some of the S(1) and S(2) emission, arises from PDRs
along the line of sight to the GC, rather than PDRs associated with ionized gas
in the GC.
The radiation field hardness traced by the [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m line ratio indicates that the highest excitation gas
clouds are found in the Radio Bubble region and Quintuplet cluster, and the mean
value in the GC is consistent with a recent burst of star formation in the last
few million years. The hardness of the ionization spectrum from hot stars is
tied to the metal abundance of the star-forming clouds, and our GC spectra,
combined with the published GC stellar oxygen abundance, show that the hardness
of the GC exciting radiation is similar to that found in normal star-forming
regions in nearby galaxies.
We present mid-IR line-ratio diagrams such as [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m /
[\ion{S}{3}] $33.48\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}]
$12.81\ \mu$m, [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m vs.\
[\ion{Fe}{2}] $25.99\ \mu$m / [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m, [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\
\mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{Ne}{3}] $15.56\ \mu$m /
[\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m, and [\ion{Si}{2}] $34.82\ \mu$m / [\ion{S}{3}]
$33.48\ \mu$m vs.\ [\ion{O}{4}] $25.89\ \mu$m / [\ion{Ne}{2}] $12.81\ \mu$m. We
compare properties of individual GC spectra to those observed in nearby
extragalactic star-forming regions and AGNs. These diagrams show that the
individual GC spectra and the mean GC spectrum are consistent with normal star
forming activity, where emission from highly ionized species such as
[\ion{O}{4}] is likely produced by shocks and/or turbulence prevalent in the CMZ
clouds. Our GC line ratios do not agree with line ratios observed for LINER
galaxies or AGNs.
\acknowledgements
We thank Janet Simpson for a detailed set of comments, which greatly improved
our manuscript. DA thanks Daniel Jaffe for useful discussions, and Daniel Dale
for generously providing SINGS data used in this paper. D.A.\ was supported by
Basic Science Research Program through the National Research Foundation of Korea
(NRF) funded by the Ministry of Education, Science and Technology
(2010--0025122). This work is based on observations made with the Spitzer Space
Telescope, which is operated by the Jet Propulsion Laboratory, California
Institute of Technology under a contract with NASA. Support for this work was
provided by NASA through an award issued by JPL/Caltech. This research has made
use of the SIMBAD database, operated at CDS, Strasbourg, France.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 5,331 |
Q: PIL zip jpeg decoders not working on runtime but work on install/selftest I'm running Debian 6 and recently installed PIL.
I have preinstalled the zlib and jpeg libraries, and they're both on /usr/lib
When installing, the setup.py file finds the libraries, I get the standard:
--------------------------------------------------------------------
PIL 1.1.7 SETUP SUMMARY
--------------------------------------------------------------------
version 1.1.7
platform linux2 2.7.3 (default, Jun 29 2012, 22:38:23)
[GCC 4.4.5]
--------------------------------------------------------------------
*** TKINTER support not available
--- JPEG support available
--- ZLIB (PNG/ZIP) support available
--- FREETYPE2 support available
--- LITTLECMS support available
zlib and jpeg are working as expected. Running selftest.py also succeeds
--------------------------------------------------------------------
PIL 1.1.7 TEST SUMMARY
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Python modules loaded from ./PIL
Binary modules loaded from ./PIL
--------------------------------------------------------------------
--- PIL CORE support ok
*** TKINTER support not installed
--- JPEG support ok
--- ZLIB (PNG/ZIP) support ok
--- FREETYPE2 support ok
--- LITTLECMS support ok
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Running selftest:
--- 57 tests passed.
So we're rejoicing so far.
Just to make sure, we run python and test that zlib decoder works
Python 2.7.3 (default, Jun 29 2012, 22:38:23)
[GCC 4.4.5] on linux2
Type "help", "copyright", "credits" or "license" for more information.
>>> import zlib
>>> a=zlib.compress('hello world')
>>> print zlib.decompress(a)
hello world
So, it works.
However, when I try to save an Image:
>>> import Image
>>> i = Image.open('a.png')
>>> i.save('b.png')
Traceback (most recent call last):
File "<stdin>", line 1, in <module>
File "/usr/local/lib/python2.7/site-packages/PIL/Image.py", line 1406, in save
self.load()
File "/usr/local/lib/python2.7/site-packages/PIL/ImageFile.py", line 189, in load
d = Image._getdecoder(self.mode, d, a, self.decoderconfig)
File "/usr/local/lib/python2.7/site-packages/PIL/Image.py", line 385, in _getdecoder
raise IOError("decoder %s not available" % decoder_name)
IOError: decoder zip not available
Same error if I try to save as jpeg (except the jpeg decoder is the unavailable one)
If I check Image.core, I see that, in fact, there's no zip_decoder nor jpeg_decoder attributes.
>>> dir(Image.core)
['__doc__', '__file__', '__name__', '__package__', 'bit_decoder', 'blend', 'convert',
'copy', 'crc32', 'draw', 'effect_mandelbrot', 'effect_noise', 'eps_encoder', 'fill',
'fli_decoder', 'font', 'getcodecstatus', 'getcount', 'gif_decoder', 'gif_encoder',
'hex_decoder', 'hex_encoder', 'linear_gradient', 'map_buffer', 'msp_decoder', 'new',
'open_ppm', 'outline', 'packbits_decoder', 'path', 'pcd_decoder', 'pcx_decoder',
'pcx_encoder', 'radial_gradient', 'raw_decoder', 'raw_encoder', 'sun_rle_decoder',
'tga_rle_decoder', 'tiff_lzw_decoder', 'wedge', 'xbm_decoder', 'xbm_encoder']
I can't find out what it is, as I see it, even though it FINDS the proper libraries on installation (so it's not a problem of the setup not finding the library, it finds them), the core object is created without the proper decoders.
Have tried reinstalling PIL lots of times, checking the permissions on the /usr/lib directories and .so files. Running PIL as root to see if there's any kind of problem. But still there's no answer.
If anyone could help with this, it'd be great!
Thanks in advance.
Bruno
A: A simple way to solve the problem is using Pillow not PIL.
Pillow is the "friendly" PIL fork. PIL is the Python Imaging Library. Pillow was started for and is currently maintained by the Plone community. But it is used by many other folks in the Python web community, and probably elsewhere too.
Firstly,pip uninstall PIL removes installed PIL,
then, type pip install pillow.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 1,217 |
\subsection{Symmetry groups }\label{symmetrygroup}
The model Hamiltonian (1) is peculiar, in the sense that it enjoys distinct symmetry groups when the anisotropic couplings $J_x$, $J_y$ and $J_z$ are varied.
In the entire parameter space, there are ${\rm U}(1) \times {\rm U}(1)$ symmetry groups, constructed from the three ${\rm U(1)}$ symmetry groups ${\rm U(1)_{xy}}$, ${\rm U(1)_{yz}}$ and ${\rm U(1)_{zx}}$, which are generated by $K_{xy}$, $K_{yz}$ and $ K_{zx}$,
with $K_{xy}= \sum _j (-1)^{j+1} [(S_j^{x})^2-(S_j^{y})^2]$, $K_{yz}=\sum _j (-1)^{j+1} [(S_j^{y})^2-(S_j^{z})^2]$ and $K_{zx}=\sum _j (-1)^{j+1} [(S_j^{z})^2-(S_j^{x})^2]$, respectively.
In fact, only two among the three ${\rm U(1)}$ symmetry groups are independent to each other, due to the fact that $K_{xy}+K_{yz}+K_{zx}=0$.
Specifically, in the region with $0 \leq J_x\leq J_z$, $0 \leq J_y\leq J_z$, and $J_x\leq J_y$, the symmetry group ${\rm U}(1) \times {\rm U}(1)$ is generated by $K_{yz}$ and $K_{x}$, with $K_{x}=\sum _j (-1)^{j+1} (S_j^{x})^2$.
In addition, the symmetry groups in the other regions follow from the duality transformations, induced from the symmetric group $S_3$, arising from the cyclic permutations with respect to $x$, $y$, and $z$.
On each of the three characteristic lines: (1) $J_x=J_y$, (2) $J_y=J_z$ and (3) $J_z=J_x$, a ${\rm SU(2)}$ symmetry group generated by $\Sigma_x$, $\Sigma_y$, and $\Sigma_z$ emerges, satisfying
$[\Sigma_{\lambda}, \Sigma_{\mu}] = i \varepsilon_{\lambda \mu \nu} \Sigma_{\nu}$, where $\varepsilon _{\lambda \mu \nu}$ is a completely antisymmetric tensor, with $\varepsilon_{xyz}=1$, and $\lambda, \mu, \nu = x,y,z$:
(1) ${\rm U(1)_{z}}$ generated by $K_z=\sum _j (-1)^{j+1}(S_j^z)^2$ and ${\rm SU(2)_{z,xy}}$ generated by
$\Sigma_x=\sum_j(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^xS_j^y+S_j^yS_j^x)/2$, $\Sigma_y=\sum_{j}S_j^z/2$ and $\Sigma_z=K_{xy}/2$;
(2) ${\rm U(1)_{x}}$ generated by $K_x=\sum _j (-1)^{j+1}(S_j^x)^2$ and ${\rm SU(2)_{x,yz}}$ generated by
$\Sigma_x=\sum_j(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^yS_j^z+S_j^zS_j^y)/2$, $\Sigma_y=\sum_jS_j^x/2$ and $\Sigma_z=K_{yz}/2$;
(3) ${\rm U(1)_{y}}$ generated by $K_y=\sum _j (-1)^{j+1}(S_j^y)^2$ and ${\rm SU(2)_{y,zx}}$ generated by
$\Sigma_x=\sum_j(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^zS_j^x+S_j^xS_j^z)/2$, $\Sigma_y=\sum_jS_j^y/2$ and $\Sigma_z=K_{zx}/2$.
At the isotropic point $J_x=J_y=J_z$, a ${\rm SU(3)}$ symmetry group emerges, with its generators being
eight traceless operators
$J_1=1/2\sum_{j}S_j^x$, $J_2=1/2\sum_{j}S_j^{y}$, $J_3=1/2\sum_{j}S_j^z$,
$J_4=1-3/2\sum_{j}(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^z)^2$, $J_5=1/2\sum_{j}(-1)^{j+1}[{(S_j^x)}^2-{(S_j^y)}^2]$,
$J_6=1/2\sum_{j}(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^yS_j^z+S_j^zS_j^y)$, $J_7=1/2\sum_{j}(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^zS_j^x+S_j^xS_j^z)$ and
$J_8=1/2\sum_{j}(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^xS_j^y+S_j^yS_j^x)$.
This demonstrates that the spin-1 bilinear-biquadratic model~\cite{sutherland,TB,barber,Affleck,Chubukov, Fath, Kawashima,Batista,Ivanov, Buchta, Rizzi, Lauchli, Porras, Romero,Kluemper, Sierra,Thomale,Rakov,dai0}, described by the Hamiltonian
\begin{equation}
H= \sum _j (\cos{\theta}\;\vec{S}_j\cdot\vec{S}_{j+1}+\sin{\theta}\;(\vec{S}_j\cdot\vec{S}_{j+1})^2),\label{bb}
\end{equation}
possesses two extra $\rm{SU(3)}$ points: $\theta=\pm \pi/2$, in addition to the two $\rm{SU(3)}$ points at $\theta=\pi/4$ and $\theta=-3\pi/4$ (see also Refs. ~\cite{su3affleck,xhchen}). Actually, all the four points are exactly solvable. In particular, the Hamiltonian (\ref{bb}) with $\theta=\pi/4$ is the Uimin-Lai-Sutherland model~\cite{sutherland}, and the Hamiltonian (\ref{bb}) with $\theta=-\pi/2$ may be mapped into the nine-state Potts model~\cite{barber}. In this sense, our investigation into an anisotropic extension of the spin-1 biquadratic model offers additional insights into the spin-1 bilinear-biquadratic model (\ref{bb}), given that the spin-1 biquadratic model remains to be poorly understood up to the present.
\subsection{Duality transformations}\label{duality}
Quantum duality is local or nonlocal nontrivial unitary transformation $U$, which leaves the form of the local Hamiltonian density intact~\cite{fm,duality,gxyz}.
For simplicity, we choose $J_z$ as an energy scale by setting $J_z=1$. That is, $J_x$ and $J_y$ are control parameters.
For a Hamiltonian $H(J_x,J_y)$, $H(J_x',J_y')$ is dual to $H(J_x,J_y)$, if there is a unitary transformation $U$ such that $H(J_x,J_y) = k'(J'_x,J'_y)UH(J'_x,J'_y) U^{\dagger}$, with $J'_x$ and $J'_y$ being some functions of $J_x$ and $J_y$, and $k'(J'_x,J'_y)$ being positive.
In particular, if $k'(J'_x,J'_y)=1$, then we refer to this particular case as a symmetric transformation of the Hamiltonian $H(J_x,J_y)$.
Here, we restrict ourselves to the region $J_x\geq0$ and $J_y\geq0$, due to the presence of a symmetric transformation: (1) $S^x_j\rightarrow(-1)^jS^x_j$, $S^y_j\rightarrow(-1)^jS^y_j$, $S^z_j\rightarrow S^z_j$, accompanied by $J_x\rightarrow J_x$, $J_y\rightarrow J_y$ and $J_z\rightarrow -J_z$; (2) $S^x_j\rightarrow S^x_j$, $S^y_j\rightarrow (-1)^jS^y_j$, $S^z_j\rightarrow (-1)^j S^z_j$, accompanied by $J_x\rightarrow -J_x$, $J_y\rightarrow J_y$ and $J_z\rightarrow J_z$;
(3) $S^x_j\rightarrow (-1)^j S^x_j$, $S^y_j\rightarrow S^y_j$, $S^z_j\rightarrow (-1)^j S^z_j$, accompanied by $J_x\rightarrow J_x$, $J_y\rightarrow -J_y$ and $J_z\rightarrow J_z$.
In addition, we have one extra symmetric transformation and two duality transformations:
(0) The Hamiltonian $H(J_x,J_y)$ is symmetric under a local unitary transformation $U_0$:
$S_j^x\rightarrow S_j^y$,
$S_j^y\rightarrow S_j^x$ and $S_j^z\rightarrow-S_j^z$,
accompanied by $J_x \leftrightarrow J_y$.
(1) Under a local unitary transformation $U_1$:
$S_{j}^x\rightarrow S_{j}^z$,
$S_{j}^y\rightarrow-S_{j}^y$, and $S_{j}^z\rightarrow S_{j}^x$, we have
$H(J_x, J_y)=k'(J'_x, J'_y) U_1 H(J'_x, J'_y) U^\dagger_1$,
with $J_x=1/J'_x$, $J_y=J'_y/J'_x$, and $k'(J'_x,J'_y) =1/J'^{2}_x$.
The Hamiltonian on the line $J_x=1$ is self-dual.
(2) Under a local unitary transformation $U_2$:
$S_{j}^x\rightarrow-S_{j}^x$,
$S_{j}^y\rightarrow S_{j}^z$, and $S_{j}^z\rightarrow S_{j}^y$,
we have $H(J_x, J_y)=k'(J'_x, J'_y) U_2 H(J'_x, J'_y) U^\dagger_2$,
with $J_x=J'_x/J'_y$, $J_y=1/J'_y$, and $k'(J'_x,J'_y) =1/J'^{2}_y$.
The Hamiltonian on the line $J_y=1$ is self-dual.\\
As a consequence, the entire parameter region, as shown in Fig.~\ref{sixregimes}, is divided, via the three characteristic lines: $J_x=J_y$, $J_y=J_z$ and $J_z=J_x$, into six different regimes, which are dual to each other.
\begin{figure}
\includegraphics[angle=0,totalheight=4cm]{sixregimes.eps}
\caption{ Six dual regimes generated from one symmetric transformation and two duality transformations for an anisotropic extension of the spin-$1$ biquadratic model in the region: $J_x/J_z \geq 0$ and $J_y/J_z \geq 0$. }\label{sixregimes}
\end{figure}
\subsection{Highly degenerate ground states on the two characteristic lines}\label{twolines}
We present the exact ground states of the Hamiltonian (1) on the two characteristic lines: $J_x=0$, with $J_y/J_z > 0$ and $J_y=J_z$, with $J_x/J_z<1$.
On the characteristic line $J_x=0$, with $J_y/J_z > 0$, there exists a two-parameter family of factorized ground states for a fixed $J_y/J_z$, with the ground state energy per site $e$ being equal to zero: $|\Psi_f\rangle=\bigotimes_m |v_1v_2\rangle _m$, where $|v_1v_2\rangle _m = |v_1\rangle_{2m-1} |v_2\rangle_{2m}$, with $|v_1\rangle_{2m-1}$ and $|v_2\rangle_{2m}$ being a vector in a local spin space at lattice sites $2m-1$ and $2m$, respectively.
The explicit expressions for $|v_1\rangle_{2m-1}$ and $|v_2\rangle_{2m}$ have been presented in Eq.~(3).
It is found that $|\Psi_f\rangle$ becomes the translation-invariant factorized state $|{\rm TIGS}\rangle$, if $p=\sqrt{J_y/(J_y+J_z)}$ and $\delta=0$ in Eq.~(2).
A sequence of factorized ground states $|\Phi_f(\alpha)\rangle$
are generated from the action of the symmetry group element $V$ on $|{\rm TIGS}\rangle$: $|\Phi_f(\alpha)\rangle\propto V|{\rm TIGS}\rangle$, where $V=\exp{(\alpha K_{yz})}$, with $\alpha=\zeta+i \eta$. Here, $\zeta$ and $\eta$ are two real free parameters.
That is, we have
\begin{equation}
|\Phi_f(\alpha)\rangle=\bigotimes_m|\upsilon_1 \upsilon_2 \rangle_m ,
\label{phifv}
\end{equation}
with $|\upsilon_1\upsilon_2\rangle _m = |\upsilon_1\rangle_{2m-1} |\upsilon_2\rangle _{2m}$.
Specifically, if $\alpha$ is pure imaginary: $\alpha=i\eta$, then the operator $V$ is unitary, thus yielding a factorized ground state $|\Phi_f(\alpha)\rangle$, equivalent to a factorized ground state in Eq.(2), with $p=\sqrt{J_y/(J_y+J_z)}$ and $\delta=-2\eta$. In other words, $|\upsilon_1\rangle$ and $|\upsilon_2\rangle$ are in the form
\begin{eqnarray*}
|\upsilon_1\rangle_{2m-1}\;=\;&\frac{1}{\sqrt{J_y+J_z}} (\;\sqrt{J_y}|0_y\rangle_{2m-1}\;+\;\exp{(-2i\eta)}\sqrt{J_z}|0_z\rangle_{2m-1}),\\
|\upsilon_2\rangle_{2m}=&\frac{1}{\sqrt{J_y+J_z}} (\;\sqrt{J_y}|0_y\rangle_{2m}+\exp{(2i\eta)}\sqrt{J_z}|0_z\rangle_{2m}).
\end{eqnarray*}
Generically, if $\alpha=\zeta+i\eta$, then $|\Phi_f(\alpha)\rangle$ is a factorized ground state in Eq.(2), with $p=\sqrt{J_y/[J_y+\exp(-4\zeta)J_z]}$ and $\delta=-2\eta$. In other words, $|\upsilon_1\rangle$ and $|\upsilon_2\rangle$ are in the form
\begin{eqnarray*}
|\upsilon_1\rangle_{2m-1}=&\frac{1}{\sqrt{N_1}} (\sqrt{J_y}|0_y\rangle_{2m-1}+\exp{(-2\zeta)}\exp{(-2i\eta)}\sqrt{J_z}|0_z\rangle_{2m-1}),\\
|\upsilon_2\rangle_{2m}=&\frac{1}{\sqrt{N_2}} (\sqrt{J_y}|0_y\rangle_{2m}+\exp{(2\zeta)}\exp{(2i\eta)}\sqrt{J_z}|0_z\rangle_{2m}).
\end{eqnarray*}
Here, $N_1=J_y+\exp(-4\zeta)J_z$ and $N_2=J_y+\exp(4\zeta)J_z$.
In particular, when $\zeta\rightarrow\infty$ and $\eta=0$, we have $|\upsilon_1\rangle_{2m-1}=|0_y\rangle_{2m-1}$ and $|\upsilon_2\rangle_{2m}=|0_z\rangle_{2m}$. We stress that this operation is not invertible, indicating that the limiting procedure is singular.
It is straightforward to evaluate the ground state fidelity per site for two factorized ground states.
This implies that any two factorized ground states are orthogonal to each other in the thermodynamic limit. Physically, this suggests that the symmetry group ${\rm U}(1)$, generated by $K_{yz}$,
is spontaneously broken, in both unitary and non-unitary realizations.
On the characteristic line: $J_y=J_z$ with $J_x/J_z<1$, the symmetry group ${\rm SU(2)_{x,yz}}$, generated by
$\Sigma_x=\sum_j(-1)^{j+1}(S_j^yS_j^z+S_j^zS_j^y)/2$, $\Sigma_y=\sum_jS_j^x/2$, and $\Sigma_z=K_{yz}/2$, emerges, together with the symmetry group ${\rm U(1)_{x}}$, generated by $K_{x}=\sum_j (-1)^{j+1}(S_j^x)^2$. Since the one-site translation-invariant factorized ground state $|{\rm TIGS}\rangle$ in Eq.~(2) becomes $|{\rm TIGS}\rangle=\bigotimes_j|1_x\rangle_j$, with $p=q=s=t=\sqrt{2}/2$, on the characteristic line $J_y=J_z$.
Here, $|1_x\rangle_j$ is a basis state, with an eigenvalue being one, for the spin-$1$ operator $S^x_j$.
Note that $|{\rm TIGS}\rangle=\bigotimes_j|1_x\rangle_j$ is the highest weight state for the symmetry group $\rm{SU(2)}$, generated by $\Omega_x=\Sigma_z$, $\Omega_y=\Sigma_x$, and $\Omega_z=\Sigma_y$.
Accordingly, the raising operator $\Omega_+=\sum_j{\Omega_{+,j}}$ and the lowering operator $\Omega_-=\sum_j{\Omega_{-,j}}$ are defined as $\Omega_{\pm,j}=(\Omega_{x,j}\pm i\Omega_{y,j})/\sqrt{2}$, respectively: $[\Omega_z,\Omega_+]=\Omega_+$, $[\Omega_+,\Omega_-]=\Omega_z$ and $[\Omega_-,\Omega_z]=\Omega_-$.
Therefore, a sequence of the degenerate ground states $|\Theta(L,N)\rangle$ on the characteristic line $J_y=J_z$ are generated from the repeated action of the lowering operator $\Omega_-$ on the highest weight state $|{\rm TIGS}\rangle=\bigotimes_j|1_x\rangle_j$.
In Ref. \cite{FDGM}, a systematic investigation has been performed for highly degenerate and highly entangled ground states on the characteristic line, which arises from SSB with type-B GMs.
It is found that the entanglement entropy $S(n)$ for the degenerate ground states scales logarithmically with the block size $n$ in the thermodynamic limit, with the prefactor being half the number of the type-B GMs $N_B$. The latter in turn is identical to the fractal dimension~\cite{doyon}.
According to the counting rule, SSB from ${\rm SU(2)}\times{\rm U(1)}$ to ${\rm U(1)}\times{\rm U(1)}$ leads to one type-B GM~\cite{watanabe}: $N_B=1$. Therefore, the fractal dimension $d_f$ is identified to be $d_f=1$.
In addition, there are two other factorized ground states (i) $|\Phi_f^{yz}\rangle=\bigotimes_m|0_y0_z\rangle_m$ and (ii) $|\Gamma_f\rangle=\bigotimes_m (|0_y\rangle_{2m-1}-i|0_z\rangle_{2m-1}) (|0_y\rangle_{2m}+i|0_z\rangle_{2m})$, which act as the highest weight states for the symmetry group $\rm{SU(2)}$, generated by $\Sigma_x$, $\Sigma_y$, and $\Sigma_z$, and $\Xi_x=\Sigma_y$, $\Xi_y=\Sigma_z$, and $\Xi_z=\Sigma_x$, respectively.
Accordingly, other two sequences of the degenerate ground states may be generated in the same way. However, the three sequences are unitarily equivalent to each other.
As a consequence, the entanglement entropy $S(n)$ for the three sequences of the highly degenerate ground states must be identical.
At the isotropic point ($J_x=J_y=J_z$), SSB from $\rm{SU(3)}$ to ${\rm U(1)}\times{\rm U(1)}$ occurs~\cite{staggeredsu3}, with six of the eight generators for the (staggered) symmetry group $\rm{SU}(3)$ being broken. This leads to two type-B GMs, with two broken generators being redundant, as required to keep consistency with the counting rule~\cite{watanabe}.
Accordingly, the entanglement entropy $S(n)$ for the degenerate ground states scales logarithmically with the block size $n$ in the thermodynamic limit, with the prefactor being half the number of the type-B GMs $N_B$. Therefore, the fractal dimension $d_f$ is identified to be $d_f=2$.
\subsection{Highly degenerate ground states in the coexisting fractal phases} \label{u1ssb}
In the ${\rm CF}_x$ phase, away from the characteristic line $J_y=J_z$, the Hamiltonian possesses the symmetry group $\rm{U(1)}\times\rm{U(1)}$. That is, the symmetry group ${\rm SU(2)} \times {\rm U(1)}$
is explicitly broken to $\rm{U(1)}\times\rm{U(1)}$. As a consequence, a gapped GM emerges. However, as already indicated when we discussed the exact factorized ground states on the characteristic line $J_x=0$, an exotic type of SSB from ${\rm U(1)} \times {\rm U(1)}$ to ${\rm U(1)}$ arises, leading to highly degenerate (factorized) ground states in the thermodynamic limit~\cite{U1SSB}.
A finite-size analysis for the ground state energy per site $e(L)$ is performed in the $\rm{CF_x}$ phase, with $L$ being the size. As argued in Ref.~\cite{U1SSB},
the finite-size correction to the ground state energy per site $e(L)$ takes the form
\begin{align}
e(L)= J_x^2-\frac{A}{L}-B\exp{(-\kappa L)}, \label{fsc}
\end{align}
where $A$, $B$ and $\kappa$ are positive real numbers. Indeed, this finite-size correction to the ground state energy per site may be justified from the fact that there are a sequence of $q$ \; $(q=L+1)$ states~\cite{U1SSB}, satisfying the $H$-orthogonality~\cite{szb}.
Here, $-A/L$ arises from a gapped GM when the symmetry group ${\rm SU}(2)\times{\rm U}(1)$ on the characteristic line $J_y=J_z$ is explicitly broken to ${\rm U(1)}\times{\rm U(1)}$, and $-B\exp(-\kappa L)$ represents a contribution from SSB for the symmetry group ${\rm U(1)}$ generated by $K_{yz}$.
This finite-size correction is confirmed numerically by means of the finite-size DMRG simulation~\cite{U1SSB}.
The typical values of $A$, $B$ and $\kappa$ are at the order of magnitude $10^{-4}$.
Here, we take $J_x/J_z=0.4$ and $J_y/J_z=0.94$ as an example. The best fit results in $A=2\times10^{-4}$, $B=1.9\times10^{-4}$, and $\kappa=2.5\times10^{-4}$.
In fact, the finite-size correction to the ground state energy per site $e(L)$ is always negative, implying that the ground state energy per site $e(L)$ in the $\rm{CF_{x}}$ phase approaches $J_x^2$ from below, as $L$ tends to infinity. Note that the entanglement entropy for a ground state wave function is non-zero, when the size $L$ is finite. Although we anticipate that it tends to vanish as $L$ is large enough, the threshold is extremely large such that it is well beyond the reach for the current state-of the-art algorithms.
This explains why the ground state energy per site from the iTEBD simulation for an accessible value of the bond dimension $\chi$ is always lower than $J_x^2$ in the $\rm{CF_{x}}$ phase, with the magnitude of the deviation being at the order of magnitude $10^{-4}$, which in turn is at the same order of magnitude as $\kappa$ in Eq.~(\ref{fsc}). This is due to the fact that a finite length scale emerges due to the finiteness of the bond dimension $\chi$. As a result, the entanglement entropy $S$ in the $\rm{CF_{x}}$ phase does not vanish for a ground state wave function generated from the iTEBD simulation.
We plot the entanglement entropy $S$ as a function of $J_x/J_z$ for a fixed $J_y/J_z=0.7$ in Fig.~\ref{entropy2}, with the bond dimension $\chi=48$.
Here, different initial states have been chosen randomly for each value of $J_x/J_z$.
A remarkable fact is that the entanglement entropy $S$ exhibits different behaviors for the two distinct phases: it takes a definitive value in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase, and a random value in the $\rm{CF_x}$ phase, respectively.
In fact, this observation may be used to signal quantum phase transitions from the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phases to the $\rm{CF_x}$ phases. Randomness also occurs in the amplitude of the local (pseudo) order parameter $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$.
As shown in Fig.~\ref{order2}, for a fixed $J_y/J_z=0.7$, the amplitude of the local (pseudo) order parameter $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$ exhibits distinct behaviors for the two distinct phases:
in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase, $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$ varies smoothly with $J_x/J_z$, whereas in the $\rm{CF_x}$ phase,
$|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$ varies randomly with $J_x/J_z$. In practice, this distinction makes it possible to distinguish the $\rm{CF_x}$ phase from the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase.
\begin{figure}
\vspace{10pt}
\includegraphics[angle=0,width=0.35\textwidth]{Scf.eps}\\
\caption{ The entanglement entropy $S$ as a function of $J_x/J_z$ for a fixed $J_y/J_z=0.7$, as a result of the iTEBD simulation, with the bond dimension $\chi=48$. Here, different initial states have been chosen randomly for each value of $J_x/J_z$.
A remarkable fact is that the entanglement entropy $S$ exhibits different behaviors for the two distinct phases: it takes a definitive value in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase, and a random value in the $\rm{CF_x}$ phase, respectively.}\label{entropy2}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}
\vspace{10pt}
\includegraphics[angle=0,width=0.36\textwidth]{yzcf.eps}
\caption{ For a fixed $J_y/J_z=0.7$, the amplitude of the (pseudo) local order parameter $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j \rangle|$ exhibits distinct behaviors to distinguish the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase from the $\rm{CF_x}$ phase. Here, we have chosen the bond dimension $\chi$ to be $\chi=48$. }\label{order2}
\end{figure}
\subsection{The non-local order parameters for the SPt phases}\label{nonlocalspt}
Powerful tensor network algorithms~\cite{vidal,idmrg} may be exploited to efficiently simulate a quantum many-body system in one spatial dimension.
The algorithms generate ground state wave functions in the iMPS representation on an infinite-size chain, and provides an efficient means to evaluate various physical observables.
A conventional choice is the two-site translation-invariant iMPS representation for a ground state wave function when the model Hamiltonian is either one-site or two-site translation-invariant, as shown in Fig.~\ref{nonlocald} (a).
The bond dimension $\chi$ in the iMPS representation imposes an upper bound on the bipartite entanglement present in a given ground state wave function: $\log_2 \chi$.
Hence, such a representation is efficient for ground states in a gapped phase, as long as the bond dimension $\chi$ is large enough.
Meanwhile, a finite-entanglement scaling analysis provides a practical means to characterize a gapless phase at criticality.
As an illustration, we discuss how to evaluate a non-local order parameter for a SPt phase. Following Fuji, Pollmann, and Oshikawa~\cite{pollmann2}, the combined operation of the site-centered inversion symmetry with a $\pi$-rotation in the spin space is introduced to characterize a SPt phase, which is a symmetric phase connected adiabatically to a product state.
As argued~\cite{pollmann2}, such a SPt phase is different from a SPT phase~\cite{wenxg,pollmann}.
For our purpose, it is convenient to introduce three non-local order parameters $\langle T_{\mu} \rangle$, defined by the combined operation of the site-centered inversion symmetry $I$ with a $\pi$-rotation about the $\mu$ axis, $R_\mu = \exp{i\pi S^\mu}$, with $\mu = x, y$, and $z$~\cite{pollmann2}. That is, $T_\mu=I \cdot R_\mu$. If the combined symmetry is retained, $\langle T_\mu \rangle$ take either $1$ or $-1$. The iMPS representation offers us a diagrammatic derivation of the non-local order parameters $\langle T_\mu \rangle$, as shown in Fig.~\ref{nonlocald}, with $\Sigma$ being a $\pi$-rotation $R_\mu$ around the $\mu$ axis in the spin space.
For an anisotropic extension of the spin-1 biquadratic model, there are three distinct SPt phases, which are characterized by a set of the non-local order parameters $(\langle T_x\rangle,\langle T_y\rangle,\langle T_z\rangle)$.
\begin{figure}
\includegraphics[angle=0,totalheight=4cm]{nonlocal1.eps}\\
\vspace{0.5cm}
\includegraphics[angle=0,totalheight=5.3cm]{nonlocal2.eps}\\
\vspace{0.5cm}
\caption{ Diagrammatic derivation of the non-local order parameters $\langle T_{\mu} \rangle$ $(\mu =x,y,z)$.
(a) Two-site translation-invariant iMPS representation consisting of $\Gamma_A$, $\Gamma_B$, $\Lambda_A$ and $\Lambda_B$;
(b) A pictorial representation of the unitary transformations $U_A$ and $U_B$ induced from a symmetry group $G$ to connect an original wave function to the transformed wave function under the symmetric transformation $\Sigma_A \in G$ and $\Sigma_B \in G$, together with the site-centered inversion symmetry. Here, $\tilde{\Gamma}_A$ and $\tilde{\Gamma}_B$ represent $\Gamma_A$ and $\Gamma_B$ under the site-centered inversion symmetric transformation, and $\Sigma_A$ and $\Sigma_B$ represent a $\pi$-rotation around the $\mu$-axis in the spin space, with $\mu =x,y,z$.
(c) The overlap of a wave function with a partially inverted wave function for an infinite-size chain, in which a segment of $2l+1$ sites have been inverted.
(d) The overlap is untwisted by reversing the segment consisting of $2l+1$ sites.
(e) Recover $\Gamma_A$ and $\Gamma_B$ by inserting the unitary transformations $U_A$ and $U_B$.
(f) For a large $l$, the non-local order parameter $\langle T_{\mu} \rangle$ is simplified by keeping only the dominant eigenvector of the transfer matrix, with the largest eigenvalue. As a result, we have $\langle T_{\mu} \rangle ={\rm Tr}(U_B^TU^\dagger_B\Lambda_A^2\Lambda_B^2)/{\rm Tr}(\Lambda_A^2\Lambda_B^2)$.
}\label{nonlocald}
\end{figure}
For two typical values $J_x/J_z=0.57$ and $0.6042$ in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase and one typical value $J_x/J_z=0.63$ in the $\rm{SPt_{z}}$ phase, with a fixed $J_y/J_z=0.7$, we plot the non-local order parameters $\langle T_\mu \rangle $ in Fig.~\ref{nonlocalorder} (a), (b) and (c),
with the bond dimension $\chi=60$. This suggests that a large block size is needed to ensure that the non-local order parameters $\langle T_\mu \rangle$ are saturated, if a phase transition point is approached.
\begin{figure}
\includegraphics[angle=0,width=0.35\textwidth]{Ta057.eps}\\
\vspace{0.5cm}
\includegraphics[angle=0,width=0.35\textwidth]{Tb6042.eps}\\
\vspace{0.5cm}
\includegraphics[angle=0,width=0.35\textwidth]{Tc063.eps}
\caption{ Saturation of the non-local order parameters $\langle T_\mu \rangle$ ($\mu = x,y,z$), with the block size $2l+1$,
for two typical values $J_x/J_z=0.57$ and $0.6042$ in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase and one typical value $J_x/J_z=0.63$ in the $\rm{SPt_{z}}$ phase, with a fixed $J_y/J_z=0.7$: (a) $J_x/J_z=0.57$; (b) $J_x/J_z=0.6042$; (c) $J_x/J_z=0.63$. }\label{nonlocalorder}
\end{figure}
\subsection{The LL phases and the pseudo local order parameters}\label{pseudoorderparameterLL}
The KT transitions describe an instability of the LLs, due to marginal perturbations, towards a gapful phase, with or without $Z_2$ SSB order. Normally, it is not an easy task to determine whether or not the KT transitions occur in a specific quantum many-body system, due to the fact that the KT transitions exhibit essential singularities and no local order parameter exists, since no symmetry is spontaneously broken in a LL phase.
As a consequence, widely used finite-size scaling techniques fail in characterizing the KT transitions. However, the situation is quite subtle
when one performs numerical simulations in terms of the tensor network algorithms. In particular, the algorithms yield an infinite number of degenerate ground states in a LL phase, thus resulting in a pseudo local order parameter, if the translational invariance is retained.
To understand how such a pseudo local order parameter arises in the iMPS representation of ground state wave functions for quantum many-body systems in one spatial dimension, we recall the notion of continuous SSB in the conventional Landau-Ginzburg-Wilson paradigm.
Although the system Hamiltonian possesses a certain continuous symmetry, the ground states for the system do not satisfy the symmetry, which leads to the occurrence of SSB.
Such a symmetry breakdown originates from a random perturbation, and results in an infinite number of degenerate ground states.
In principle, SSB only occurs for quantum many-body systems in higher than one spatial dimensions, as follows from the Mermin-Wagner-Coleman theorem.
However, in the iMPS representation for the iTEBD algorithm, the finiteness of the bond dimension $\chi$ results in a finite gap, which vanishes when $\chi\rightarrow \infty$.
As a consequence, pseudo continuous SSB occurs in quantum many-body systems in one spatial dimension, resulting in a pseudo local order parameter~\cite{dai0,wang}.
This offers us a novel characterization of the KT transitions in terms of pseudo continuous SSB, which in turn makes it possible to introduce a pseudo local order parameter, just as in the conventional Landau-Ginzburg-Wilson paradigm. In this scenario, a LL phase may be characterized as a limiting case of the continuous SSB in the conventional Landau-Ginzburg-Wilson paradigm.
In fact, a pseudo local order parameter tends to vanish when the bond dimension $\chi$ increases, as required to keep consistency with the Mermin-Wagner-Coleman theorem.
In addition, it is argued in Ref.~\cite{dai0,wang} that, for any finite choice of the bond dimension $\chi$, pseudo continuous SSB is reflected as
a catastrophe point in the ground state fidelity per site~\cite{zhou} for quantum many-body systems in one spatial dimension,
undergoing the KT transitions.
In fact, if $\chi$ tends to infinity, then such a catastrophe point turns into an essential singularity.
In practice, pseudo SSB may be recognized from the fact that, for any finite value of the bond dimension $\chi$, a ground state wave function depends on an initial state chosen randomly, and shares all the features of the continuous SSB:
(1) a system has stable and degenerate ground states, each of which breaks the symmetry
of the system;
(2) the symmetry breakdown results from random perturbations;
(3) such (pseudo) symmetry-breaking order may be quantified by introducing a (pseudo) local order
parameter, which may be read off from the reduced density matrix on a local area~\cite{zhou0}.
For the model under investigation, it possesses the symmetry group $\rm{U(1)}\times\rm{U(1)}$ in the entire parameter space.
In the LL phases, it is found that, pseudo SSB occurs for one of the $\rm{U(1)}$ symmetry groups, as a result of the finiteness of the bond dimension $\chi$ in the iMPS representation.
For the ${\rm LL}_{yz}$ phase, this means that a pseudo local order parameter $\langle S^y_jS^z_j \rangle$ emerges: $\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ takes different values for different degenerate ground states, generated from a randomly chosen initial state, when the iTEBD algorithm is implemented. This is seen from the fact that
$\langle WS^y_jS^z_jW^{\dag}\rangle=\exp (i(-1)^{j+1}2\eta)\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ for $W=\exp{(i\eta K_{yz})}$.
Note that, the real and imaginary parts of the local pseudo order parameter $\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ are $ \langle (-1)^{j+1}(S^y_jS^z_j+S^z_jS^y_j)/2 \rangle$ and $ \langle S^x_j/2 \rangle$, respectively. This
suggests that pseudo SSB for the unitary realization of the symmetry group ${\rm U}(1)$, generated by $K_{yz}$, occurs in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase.
\begin{figure}
\vspace{5mm}
\includegraphics[angle=0,width=0.4\textwidth]{yz07057.eps}
\caption{ (a) The real part {\rm Re}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$, (b) the imaginary part {\rm Im}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ and (c) the amplitude $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$ of the pseudo local order parameter $\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ for degenerate ground states generated from ten randomly chosen initial states with $J_x/J_z=0.57$ and $J_y/J_z=0.7$, which is located in the ${\rm LL}_{yz}$ phase. Here, the bond dimension $\chi$ is chosen to be 48. The real and imaginary parts, {\rm Re}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ and {\rm Im}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$, are different, but the amplitude $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$ remains the same for fixed $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$. From the two-site translational invariance of the iMPS representation, the real part {\rm Re}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ at the even sites (circle) is opposite to that at the odd (square) sites, whereas the imaginary part {\rm Im}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ remains the same for fixed $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$. Here, we have introduced $n$ to label different initial states, chosen for the iTEBD simulation.
}\label{porderLL}
\end{figure}
In Fig.~\ref{porderLL}, we plot the pseudo local order parameter $\langle S^y_jS^z_j \rangle$
for $J_x/J_z=0.57$ and $J_y/J_z=0.7$, which is located in the ${\rm LL}_{yz}$ phase, with the bond dimension $\chi=48$, for degenerate ground states generated from ten different initial states.
It is found that the real and imaginary parts, {\rm Re}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ and {\rm Im}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$, are different, but the amplitude $|\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle|$ remains the same for fixed $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$.
From the two-site translational invariance of the iMPS representation, the real part {\rm Re}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ is staggered and the imaginary part {\rm Im}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ is uniform for fixed $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$: {\rm Re}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ at the even sites (circle) is opposite to that at the odd (square) sites, whereas {\rm Im}$\langle S^y_jS^z_j\rangle$ is the same, consistent with the fact that $\langle (-1)^{j+1}(S^y_jS^z_j+S^z_jS^y_j)/2 \rangle$ is staggered and $ \langle S^x_j/2 \rangle$ is uniform, respectively.
This implies that an infinite number of degenerate ground states are generated from randomly chosen initial states, as a result of pseudo SSB, due to the finiteness of the bond dimension $\chi$.
\begin{figure}[htbp]
\includegraphics[angle=0,totalheight=5.8cm]{Sfiniteabcd.eps}
\vspace{3pt}
\includegraphics[angle=0,totalheight=2.7cm]{Sfinitee.eps}
\caption{ The scaling relation between the entanglement entropy $S(N)$ and $T(N) \equiv \log_2{[L/\pi\sin(\pi N/L)]}$, for five choices of the coupling parameters $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$: (a) $J_x/J_z=0.15$ and $J_y/J_z=0.5$; (b) $J_x/J_z=0.3$ and $J_y/J_z=0.6$; (c) $J_x/J_z=0.2$ and $J_y/J_z=0.7$; (d) $J_x/J_z=0.5$ and $J_y/J_z=0.7$; and (e) $J_x/J_z=0.7$ and $J_y/J_z=0.8$, in the ${\rm LL_{yz}}$ phase. Here, we have chosen the size $L=100$ and the bond dimension $\chi=40$. }\label{Sfinite}
\end{figure}
\begin{table}[htbp]
\centering
\caption{Central charge $c$, extracted from the finite-size scaling, for five chosen values of the coupling parameters $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$ in the $\rm{LL_{yz}}$ phase.}
\vspace{3mm}
\label{tab2}
\begin{tabular}{|c|c|c|c|c|c|}
\hline
($J_x/J_z$,$J_y/J_z$)&(0.15,0.5)&(0.3,0.6)&(0.2,0.7)&(0.5,0.7)&(0.7,0.8)\\
\hline
$c$&1.04&1.03&0.99&1.02&1.02 \\
\hline
\end{tabular}
\end{table}
\subsection{Central charge $c$ in the ${\rm LL}_{yz}$ phase: a finite-size approach}\label{centralcf}
If a quantum many-body system under the periodic boundary conditions, with the size being $L$, is partitioned into a subsystem $N$ and its environment $L-N$,
a prediction from conformal field theory~\cite{cft} implies that the entanglement entropy $S(N)$ scales as
\begin{equation}
S(N)=\frac{c}{3}T(N)+S_0,
\end{equation}
with $T(N)=\log_2{[L/\pi\sin(\pi N/L)]}$. Here, $S_0$ is a (model-dependent) additive constant.
Obviously, we have $S(N)=S(L-N)$.
A numerical simulation is performed in terms of the variational MPS algorithm~\cite{frank}, which yields the ground state wave functions for a finite-size quantum many-body system under the periodic boundary conditions.
In Fig.~\ref{Sfinite}, a scaling analysis between the entanglement entropy $S(N)$ and $T(N)$ is performed for five choices of the coupling parameters $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$: (a) $J_x/J_z=0.15$ and $J_y/J_z=0.5$; (b) $J_x/J_z=0.3$ and $J_y/J_z=0.6$; (c) $J_x/J_z=0.2$ and $J_y/J_z=0.7$; (d) $J_x/J_z=0.5$ and $J_y/J_z=0.7$; and (e) $J_x/J_z=0.7$ and $J_y/J_z=0.8$, in the ${\rm LL_{yz}}$ phase, with the size $L=100$ and the bond dimension $\chi=40$.
In Table~\ref{tab2}, central charge $c$, extracted from the five chosen values of the coupling parameters $J_x/J_z$ and $J_y/J_z$ in the ${\rm LL_{yz}}$ phase, is listed.
As is seen, central charge $c$ is close to the exact value $c=1$, with a relative error being less than $4\%$.
{\it Acknowledgement.} - We acknowledge enlightening discussions with Murray Batchelor, Sam Young Cho, John Fjaerestad, Javier Rodriguez Laguna, Ian McCulloch, and German Sierra.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 2,769 |
I guess walmart isn't letting us buy the video game deals online. You can see them with the sale price, but can only get info on them. Can't add them to cart.
They're doing this with a few items.
I tried the same thing!! Ugh!! Good luck!
I actually went to Walmart to help out my sister getting a couple of laptops, and an Xbox, and found plenty of video games in stock. I was amazed at how orderly everything was, and they had plenty of sale video games in stock as of 8:00 PM.
went to my local walmart and looked for where they had the disney infinity game and looked the entire store.i asked a manager and was told "we are out of stock on that game and it is while supply last" so in laymans terms i was SOL!
Gotta be there and in line to get the goods. We preach it on here year round.
I went back on Friday around 4:30 in the afternoon, and low and behold, they had a lot of the on sale video games left in the display, and quite a few movies. One woman came back with a hand full of games, and said they were ringing up at normal prices. Manager said that he would honor prices for people who had games in their hand, but had an employee tearing off the pricing on the display. I didn't know they had a time limit on the sale. I figured it would be all day Friday.
I walked in at 6:20 to Walmart and they still had plenty of the video games and the movies. I didn't have to wait in line and instead I was able to just walk up and get what I wanted. People were crowded around the area, but it wasn't bad.
teknoge3k wrote: Gotta be there and in line to get the goods. We preach it on here year round.
That's the point, if you were expecting to get that deal that late in the day.
So what does being there at 3:45 p.m. have anything to do with it then? You would have had to be there in the middle of the night if you got there before the sale.
A lot of Walmarts keep the pallets of games in the back until right at the time to bring them out.
Assuming this is your first Black Friday? If so, don't get discouraged, you just have to learn how "the system" works.
That's what I was starting to think too. They may tell you they don't have any but actually have them tucked away some where. Sometimes employees will tell you things like this, but sometimes they won't. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 3,502 |
\section{Introduction}
Most programming languages ascribe a notion of \emph{type} (dynamic or static)
to data, classifying \emph{what} data we are working with---integer, string,
function, etc. \emph{Behavioural types} on the other hand capture not just
\emph{what} data is, but \emph{how} it is calculated. One such behavioural type
system for concurrency is \emph{session types}~\cite{honda}, representing the
behaviour of a process communicating over a channel via the channel's type.
Session types naturally fit into the more general substructural discipline of
\emph{linear types}~\cite{girard,wadler,walker2005substructural}.
By treating data as a \emph{resource} which must be used exactly once, linear
types can capture various kinds of stateful protocols of interaction.
Session types are inherently substructural:
channels cannot in general be arbitrarily duplicated or
discarded and must be used according to a sequence of operations (the
protocol). This idea has allowed logical foundations to be developed for
session types based on Curry-Howard correspondences with both intuitionistic and
classical linear logic~\cite{cairespfenning,wadler2014propositions}.
Furthermore, linearly-typed functional languages then provide an excellent basis
for session-typed programming~\cite{DBLP:journals/jfp/GayV10}.
Modern substructural type systems, however, allow
us to go beyond the notion of linearity, classifying usage into more than just
linear or non-linear. This idea originates from Bounded Linear Logic (BLL),
which generalises the $!$ modality to a family of modalities indexed by a
polynomial expressing an upper bound on usage~\cite{girard1992bounded}. For
example, $!_{x \leq 2} A$ describes a proposition $A$ which can be used at most
twice.
From various directions this notion of BLL has been generalised further to
develop \emph{coeffect types}~\cite{brunel2014coeffects, ghica2014coeffects,
petricek2014coeffects}, which are a framework for capturing different kinds of
resource analysis in a single type system. \emph{Graded modal
types}~\cite{orchard2019quantitative} unify coeffects with their dual notion of
\emph{effects}, and are an expressive system allowing for the specification and
verification of many behavioural properties of programs. In this paper, we
demonstrate that combining session types with graded modal types allows for
various non-linear behaviours of concurrent programs to be reintroduced in a
linear setting, in a controlled and precise way.
A key part of this work is to reconcile the tension between three competing
requirements: (1) side effects inherent in communication primitives, (2)
non-linearity, and (3) the call-by-value semantics one might expect in most
programming languages (in contrast to call-by-name, which is the basis of most
theoretical explanations of linear and graded type systems). Requirements (1)
and (2) can be satisfied more easily in a call-by-name setting, but (3) (CBV
semantics) provides unsoundness. This is discussed in more detail in
Section~\ref{subsec:cbv}, where we also describe our chosen solution. A previous
iteration of session types for Granule was described by Orchard et
al.~\cite{orchard2019quantitative}. However, the system described required a
monadic interface to avoid some issues caused by CBV; we solve these problems
here to provide a more general and powerful interface for session-typed
programming, and also demonstrate the broad range of possible applications for
this interface by introducing a suite of primitives which capture the non-linear
behaviours of reuse, replication, and repetition (providing \emph{multicasting}).
Related ideas appear in the type system of Zalakain and Dardha
who use leftover typing to define a resource-aware
session type calculus that can represent shared, graded and linear
channels~\cite{zalakain}. We capture some of the same ideas via a
unified graded approach, showing how different amounts of sharing can
be characterised precisely with the interaction of linear, indexed,
and graded types.
\section{A Brief Granule and Graded Modal Types Primer}
\label{sec:primer}
Granule's type system is based on the linear $\lambda$-calculus augmented with
\emph{graded modal types}~\cite{orchard2019quantitative}. With linear typing as
the basis, we cannot write functions that discard or duplicate their inputs as
in a standard functional programming language. However, we can introduce
non-linearity via graded modalities and use these to represent such functions,
exemplified by the following Granule code:
\begin{minipage}{0.5\linewidth}
\begin{granule}
drop : forall {a : Type} . a [0] -> ()
drop [x] = ()
\end{granule}
\end{minipage}
\begin{minipage}{0.5\linewidth}
\begin{granule}
copy : forall {a : Type} . a [2] -> (a, a)
copy [x] = (x, x)
\end{granule}
\end{minipage}
The function arrow can be read as the type of linear functions (which consume
their input exactly once), but \granin{a [r]} is a graded modal type capturing
the capability to use the value `inside' in a non-linear way as described by
\granin{r}, i.e., \granin{drop} uses the value $0$ times and \granin{copy} uses
it $2$ times. The pattern match \granin{[x]} on the left-hand side of each
function eliminates the graded modality, binding \granin{x} as a non-linear
variable.
The central idea of graded modal types is to capture program structure
via an indexed family of modalities where the indices have some
algebraic structure which gives an abstract view of program
structure. We focus on \emph{semiring graded necessity} in this paper
(written $\Box_r A$ in mathematical notation but \granin{A [r]} in
Granule) which generalises linear logic's $\oc$~\cite{girard}
and Bounded Linear Logic~\cite{girard1992bounded}.
The above example uses the natural number graded modality,
counting exactly how many times a value can be used.
Another useful graded modality has grades drawn from a semiring of
\emph{intervals} which allows us to give bounds on how a value might be used. To
demonstrate, we define the classic \granin{fromMaybe} function which allows for
retrieving a value that may or may not exist from a \granin{Maybe} type.
\begin{granule}
data Maybe a = Just a | Nothing
fromMaybe : forall {a : Type} . a [0..1] -> Maybe a -> a
fromMaybe [_] (Just x) = x;
fromMaybe [d] Nothing = d
\end{granule}
Note that without the graded modality, this function would be ill-typed in
Granule, since values are linear by default and one of the cases requires
discarding the default value (given by the first parameter).
By giving this parameter a type of \granin{a
[0..1]}, we specify that it can be used \emph{either} \granin{0} times or
\granin{1} time (in other words, this value has \emph{affine} behaviour rather
than linear). There is only one total function in Granule which inhabits the
type we give to \granin{fromMaybe} here--linearity forbids defining an instance
which always returns the default value.
In order to use \granin{fromMaybe} we need to `promote' its first
input to be a graded modal value, which is written by wrapping a value
in brackets, e.g., \granin{fromMaybe [42]}. Promotion propagates any
requirements implied by the graded modality to the free variables.
For example, the following takes an input and shares the capabilities
implied by its grade to two uses of \granin{fromMaybe}:
\begin{granule}
fromMaybeIntPlus : Int [0..2] -> Maybe Int -> Maybe Int -> Int
fromMaybeIntPlus [d] x y = fromMaybe [d] x + fromMaybe [d] y
\end{granule}
The \granin{0..1} usage implied by the first \granin{fromMaybe [d]}
and \granin{0..1} usage by the second are added together to get the
requirement that the incoming integer \granin{d} is graded as \granin{0..2}.
Lastly, Granule includes \emph{indexed} types which offer a lightweight form of
dependency, allowing for type-level access to information about
data. For example length-indexed vectors
can be defined and used:
\begin{granule}
data Vec (n : Nat) (a : Type) where
Nil : Vec 0 a;
Cons : a -> Vec n a -> Vec (n + 1) a
append : forall {a : Type, n m : Nat} . Vec n a -> Vec m a -> Vec (n + m) a
append Nil ys = ys;
append (Cons x xs) ys = Cons x (append xs ys)
\end{granule}
Indexed types allow us to ensure at the type-level that when we append two
vectors, the length of the output is equal to the sum of the lengths of the two
inputs. Again, thanks to linearity, we gain further assurances from our type
signatures--here we can guarantee that since we must use every element of the
input vectors, these must also appear in the output, and so no information
is being lost along the way.
\paragraph{Type system redux}
The core type theory (based on Orchard et al.~\cite{orchard2019quantitative})
extends the linear $\lambda$-calculus with
the semiring-graded necessity modality $\Box_r A$. Typing contexts
contain both linear assumptions $x : A$ and graded assumptions $x : [A]_r$
which have originated from inside a graded modality.
The core typing rules for introducing and eliminating graded modal
types are then as follows:
\begin{align*}
\dfrac{\Gamma \vdash t : A}
{r * \Gamma \vdash [t] : \Box_r A}
\textsc{pr}\;\;
%
\dfrac{\Gamma \vdash t_1 : \Box_r A \qquad \Delta, x : [A]_r \vdash t_2 : B}
{\Gamma + \Delta \vdash \textbf{let}\ x = t_1\ \textbf{in}\ t_2 : B}
\textsc{elim}\;\;
%
\dfrac{\Gamma, x : A \vdash t : B}
{\Gamma, x : [A]_1 \vdash t : B}
\textsc{der}
\;\;
\dfrac{\Gamma \vdash t : B}
{\Gamma, 0*\Delta \vdash t : B}
\textsc{weak}
\end{align*}
The \textsc{pr} rule (promotion) introduces
a graded modality with grade $r$, and thus must scale by
$r$ all of the inputs (none of which are allowed to be linear as
$r * \Gamma$ is partial: it scales each graded assumption in $\Gamma$ by $r$ or
it is undefined if $\Gamma$ contains linear assumptions).
The \textsc{elim} rule captures the idea that a requirement for
$x$ to be used in an $r$-like way in $t_2$ can be matched
with the capability of $t_1$ as given by the graded modal type.
In Granule, this construct
is folded into pattern matching (seen above);
we can `unpack' (eliminate) a graded modality via pattern matching to provide
a non-linear (graded) variable in the body of the function
(the analogue to $t_2$ in this rule). The \textsc{der} rule connects linear typing
to graded typing, showing that a requirement for a linear
assumption is satisfied by an assumption graded by $1$.
Lastly, \textsc{weak} explains how we can \emph{weaken} with variables
graded by $0$.
Implicit in any rule involving multiple terms
is a notion of \emph{contraction} captured by the $+$ operation
on contexts, which is only defined when contexts are disjoint
with respect to linear assumptions,
and on overlapping graded assumptions we add their grades, e.g. $(\Gamma, x :
[A]_r) + (\Delta, x : [A]_s) = (\Gamma + \Delta), x : [A]_{r + s}$.
\section{Linear Session Types in Granule}
\label{sec:core}
\newcommand{\chan}[1]{\mathsf{Chan}(#1)}
The implementation of session types in Granule is based on the GV calculus
(originating from Gay and Vasconcelos~\cite{DBLP:journals/jfp/GayV10}, further
developed by Wadler~\cite{wadler2014propositions}, for which we use Lindley and
Morris' formulation~\cite{lindley2015semantics}). The GV system extends the linear
$\lambda$-calculus with a data type of channels $\chan{S}$ parameterised by session
types $S$~\cite{yoshida2007language}, which capture the protocol of interaction
allowed over the channel. Communication is asynchronous (sending always succeeds,
but receiving can block as usual).
Starting with a simple subset, session types can describe channels which send or
receive a value of type $T$ and then can be used according to session type $S$
written $!T . S$ or $?T . S$ respectively, or can be closed written
$\mathsf{end}_!$ or $\mathsf{end}_?$. There are then functions for sending or
receiving a value on a channel, forking a process at one end of a channel
returning the other, and waiting for a channel to be closed:
\begin{align*}
\begin{array}{llll}
\mathsf{send} & : \ T \otimes \chan{!T . S} \multimap \chan{S} \qquad
& \mathsf{fork} & : \ (\chan{S} \multimap \chan{\mathsf{end}_!}) \multimap \chan{\overline{S}} \\
\mathsf{recv} & : \ \chan{?T . S} \multimap T \otimes \chan{S} &
\mathsf{wait} & : \ (\chan{\mathsf{end}_?} \multimap 1)
\end{array}
\end{align*}
where $\overline{S}$ is the \emph{dual} session type to $S$, defined
$\overline{!T.S} = ?T.\overline{S}$, $\overline{?T.S} = !T.\overline{S}$,
$\overline{\mathsf{end}_?} = \mathsf{end}_!$ and $\overline{\mathsf{end}_!} =
\mathsf{end}_?$. The $\mathsf{fork}$ combinator leverages the duality operation,
spawning a process which applies the parameter function with a fresh channel,
thus returning the dual endpoint.
The core interface in Granule correspondingly has operations with the
following types, where \granin{Protocol} is the kind of session types
whose constructors we highlight in \textcolor{purple!70!black}{purple}:
\begin{granuleInterface}
send : forall {a : Type, p : Protocol} . LChan (Send a p) -> a -> LChan p
recv : forall {a : Type, p : Protocol} . LChan (Recv a p) -> (a, LChan p)
forkLinear : forall {p : Protocol} . (LChan p -> ()) -> LChan (Dual p)
close : LChan End -> ()
\end{granuleInterface}
We also provide some utility operations for internal and external choice (also
known as selection and offering); note that as described in the original
formulation by Lindley and Morris~\cite{lindley2015semantics} these can be
defined in terms of the core functions given above, but we provide primitives
for ease of use.
\begin{granuleInterface}
selectLeft : forall {p1 p2 : Protocol} . LChan (Select p1 p2) -> LChan p1
selectRight : forall {p1 p2 : Protocol} . LChan (Select p1 p2) -> LChan p2
offer : forall {p1 p2 : Protocol, a : Type}
. (LChan p1 -> a) -> (LChan p2 -> a) -> LChan (Offer p1 p2) -> a
\end{granuleInterface}
The following gives a brief example putting all these primitives
together:
\begin{granule}
server : LChan (Offer (Recv Int End) (Recv () End)) -> Int [0..1] -> Int
server c [d] = offer (\c -> let (x, c) = recv c in let () = close c in x)
(\c -> let ((), c) = recv c in let () = close c in d) c
client : forall {p : Protocol} . LChan (Select (Send Int End) p) -> ()
client c = let c = selectLeft c;
c = send c 42
in close c
example : Int -- Evaluates to 42
example = server (forkLinear client) [100]
\end{granule}
The \granin{server} offers a choice between being sent an integer or a unit
value. The second parameter (bound to \granin{d}) is used as a default value in
the case that a unit value is received by the server, where \granin{Int [0..1]}
denotes that this integer can can be used 0 or 1 times (see
Section~\ref{sec:primer} for more explanation of this grading). The
\granin{client} selects the left behaviour, sends an integer, then closes its
side of the communication.
The final definition \granin{example} spawns
the client with a channel and connects the dual end of the channel to
the server which returns the received value of \granin{42} here.
\section{The Relationship Between Grading, Call-by-Value, and Effects}
\label{subsec:cbv}
Consider the following example which is allowed by the type system
described so far:
\begin{granule}
problematic : Int
problematic =
let [c] : ((LChan (Recv Int End)) [2]) = [forkLinear (\c -> close (send c 42))];
(n, c') = recv c; () = close c';
(m, c') = recv c; () = close c'
in (n + m)
\end{granule}
On line 3, the program forks a process that sends $42$ on a channel, but under a promotion, with
the type explaining that we want to use the resulting value twice
(given by the explicit type signature here). This promotion then
allows two uses of the channel on lines 4-5.
The typical semantics for coeffect-based calculi in the literature is
call-by-name~\cite{brunel2014coeffects, gaboardi2016combining}. Under a
call-by-name semantics, which Granule allows via the extension \granin{language
CBN}, this program executes and produces the expected result of \granin{84}. The
key is that call-by-name reduction substitutes the call to \granin{forkLinear}
into the two uses of variable \granin{c} on lines 4 and 5, and thus we are
receiving from two different channels. However, under the default call-by-value
semantics (which was chosen in Granule for simplicity and to avoid complications
resulting from effects), line 3 is fully evaluated (underneath the graded modal
introduction), and so variable \granin{c} on lines 4 and 5 refers to a single
channel. This means that executing this program blocks indefinitely on line 5;
we get an error from the underlying implementation's concurrency
primitives (written in Haskell) describing a
\texttt{thread blocked indefinitely in an MVar operation}. This comes from
Granule's runtime which leverages these standard primitives.
In order to get around this problem with non-linear channels in a call-by-value
setting, Orchard et al.~\cite{orchard2019quantitative} instead deal with
channels monadically, so here we would end up with a channel of type
\granin{(Session (LChan ...)) [2]} (with the \granin{Session}
monad).\footnote{In Granule such a channel would in fact have the type
\granin{(LChan ... <Session>) [2]}, with \granin{<Session>} being an instance of
the graded monadic \granin{<r>} modalities which are dual to the graded comonadic
\granin{[r]} modalities. We elide discussing these further here since we will not
need any monad other than \granin{Session}.} To make this example well-defined
would then require a distributive law which maps from this to \granin{Session
((LChan ... ) [2])}, copying the channel. Providing such a distributive law is
unsound---it would enable \granin{problematic} and thus indefinite
blocking---and fortunately it is also not derivable. However, we wish to avoid
the monadic programming style as it is not required when working with just
linearity.
Our alternative solution is that we instead simply syntactically
restrict promotion for primitives which create linear channels; in particular
this includes the \granin{forkLinear} function which causes the difficulty here.
Non-linear channels are then re-introduced by additional primitives in
Section~\ref{sec:non-linear-patterns} which allow for precise and carefully
managed non-linear usage, allowing for grading to be combined with linear
channels even in a call-by-value setting and without the extra overhead that was
required when every channel had to be wrapped in the \granin{Session} monad.
\section{Non-linear Communication Patterns via Grading}
\label{sec:non-linear-patterns}
We show three common patterns and how they can be described by
combining linear session types and graded modal types:
\emph{reusable channels} (Section~\ref{subsec:reuse}),
\emph{replicated servers} (Section~\ref{subsec:replicated}),
and
\emph{multicast communication} (Section~\ref{subsec:multicast}).
All of these patterns are a variation
on the \granin{forkLinear} primitive, with some amount of substructural
behaviour introduced via graded modal types, and sometimes restrictions
to protocols via \emph{type predicates}. In Granule these are represented
similarly to Haskell's type class constraints with type signatures of
the form: \granin{functionName : forall \{typeVariables\} . \{constraints\} => type}.
\subsection{Reusable Channels}
\label{subsec:reuse}
A reusable or \emph{non-linear} channel is one which can be shared and thus
used repeatedly in a sound way. This contrasts with the notion seen in
Section~\ref{subsec:cbv} of promoting a fresh linear channel to being non-linear
in a call-by-value setting, which was unsound; a linear channel used in a shared
way can easily lead to a deadlock where one user of the channel leaves it in a
state which is then blocking for another user of the channel. The key issue with
sharing a channel is ending up with inconsistent states across different shared
usages. This can be avoided if the protocol allowed on the channel is restricted
such that only a single `action' (send, receive, choice, or offer) is allowed,
and thus if the channel is used multiple times it can never be left in an
inconsistent state across shared uses. This is captured by the idea that $(P \mid
P) \neq P$ in general in process calculi and so a replicated channel
which has more than a single action cannot be split off into many parallel uses,
e.g., $(ab)^* \mid (ab)^* \not\equiv (ab)^*$. However, if there is only a single
action then multiple repeated parallel uses are consistent, e.g., $a^* \mid a^*
\equiv a^*$.
We capture this idea via the following variant of the fork primitive with
arbitrarily graded channels:
\begin{granuleInterface}
forkNonLinear : forall {p : Protocol, s : Semiring, r : s} . {SingleAction p}
=> ((LChan p) [r] -> ()) -> (LChan (Dual p)) [r]
\end{granuleInterface}
where \granin{SingleAction : Protocol -> Predicate} is a type
constraint that characterises only those
protocols which comprise a single send, receive, choice, or offer,
i.e.,
\begin{align*}
\setlength{\arraycolsep}{1.5em}
\begin{array}{lll}
\text{\granin{SingleAction End}}
&
\text{\granin{SingleAction (Send a End)}}
&
\text{\granin{SingleAction (Offer End End)}} \\[-0.25em]
& \text{\granin{SingleAction (Recv a End)}}
& \text{\granin{SingleAction (Select End End)}}
\end{array}
\end{align*}
As an example, consider a channel in a graded modality which
says it can be used exactly \granin{n} times. The following
uses this channel to send every element of a vector of size \granin{n}
(using the \granin{Vec} type of Section~\ref{sec:primer}):
\begin{granule}
sendVec : forall {n : Nat, a : Type} . (LChan (Send a End)) [n] -> Vec n a -> ()
sendVec [c] Nil = ();
sendVec [c] (Cons x xs) = let () = close (send c x) in sendVec [c] xs
\end{granule}
This code shows the powerful interaction between grading, linearity, and indexed
types in Granule. Note that the above code is typeable without any of the new
primitives described in this section, but would be unusable without promoting a
use of \granin{forkLinear}. However, we can complete this example with a dual
process (\granin{recvVec}) that is then connected to \granin{sendVec} via
\granin{forkNonLinear}:
\begin{granule}
recvVec : forall {n : Nat, a : Type} . N n -> (LChan (Recv a End)) [n] -> Vec n a
recvVec Z [c] = Nil;
recvVec (S n) [c] = let (x, c') = recv c; () = close c' in Cons x (recvVec n [c])
example : forall {n : Nat, a : Type} . Vec n a -> Vec n a
example xs = let (n, list) = length' list
in recvVec n (forkNonLinear (\c -> sendVec c list))
main : Vec 5 Int
main = example (Cons 1 (Cons 1 (Cons 2 (Cons 3 (Cons 5 Nil)))))
\end{granule}
Note that the receiver needs to know how many elements to receive, so
this information has to be passed separately (via an indexed natural
number \haskin{N n}). A system with dependent
session types~\cite{DBLP:conf/ppdp/ToninhoCP21,DBLP:conf/fossacs/ToninhoY18}
could avoid this by first sending the length, but this is not (yet)
possible in Granule; the Gerty prototype language provides full dependent types
and graded modal types which would be a good starting
point~\cite{DBLP:conf/esop/MoonEO21}.
\subsection{Replicated Servers}
\label{subsec:replicated}
The $\pi$-calculus provides replication of a process $P$ as the process $!P$,
which session-typed $\pi$-calculus variants have refined into the more
controlled idea of having a replicated `server'. Here, the spawning of
replicated instances is controlled via a special
receive~\cite{berger2001sequentiality,sangiorgi2003pi}, e.g., written like
$*c(x).P$ meaning receive an $x$ on channel $c$ and then continue as $P$, whilst
still providing the original process. From an operational semantics point of
view this looks like $*c(x).P \mid \overline{c}\langle{d}\rangle.Q \rightarrow
*c(x).P \mid P[d/x] \mid Q$ where $\overline{c}\langle{d}\rangle.Q$ sends the
message $d$ to the server which `spawns' off a fresh copy of the server process
$P$ whilst also preserving the original server process for further clients to
interact with.
We provide this functionality here as the fork variant
\granin{forkReplicate}:
\begin{granuleInterface}
forkReplicate : forall {p : Protocol, n : Nat} . {ReceivePrefix p}
=> (LChan p -> ()) [0..n] -> N n -> Vec n ((LChan (Dual p)) [0..1])
\end{granuleInterface}
Here the grading is less general than in Section~\ref{subsec:reuse};
we instead focus on a particular grading which says that given
a server process \granin{(LChan p -> ())} that can be used $0$ to $n$ times,
then we get a vector of size $n$ of dual channels which we can use
to interact with the server. The predicate \granin{ReceivePrefix p}
classifies those protocols which start with a receive, which includes
both \granin{ReceivePrefix (Recv a p)} and \granin{ReceivePrefix (Offer p1 p2)}.
Each client channel can itself be discarded due
to the graded modality \granin{... [0..1]}. Thus, we can choose not to use
any/all of the client channels, reflected in the dual side where the
server can be used at most $n$ times. This introduces some flexibility
in the amount of usage. A more strict variant is given as:
\begin{granuleInterface}
forkReplicateExactly : forall {p : Protocol, n : Nat} . {ReceivePrefix p}
=> (LChan p -> ()) [n] -> N n -> Vec n (LChan (Dual p))
\end{granuleInterface}
meaning we have exactly $n$ clients that \emph{must} spawn the server
$n$ times.
The following example demonstrates \granin{forkReplicate}
in action with two clients.
\begin{granule}
addServer : LChan (Offer (Recv Int (Recv Int (Send Int End))) (Recv Int (Send Bool End))) -> ()
addServer c =
offer (\c -> let (x, c) = recv c; (y, c) = recv c; in close (send c (x + y))
(\c -> let (x, c) = recv c; in close (send c (x == 0))) c
client1 : forall {p : Protocol} . LChan (Select (Send Int (Send Int (Recv Int End))) p) -> Int
client1 c = let (x, c) = recv (send (send (selectLeft c) 10) 20); () = close c in x
client2 : forall {p : Protocol} . LChan (Select p (Send Int (Recv Bool End))) -> Bool
client2 c = let (b, c) = recv (send (selectRight c) 42); () = close c in b
import Parallel -- Provides a `par` combinator derived from `forkLinear`
main : (Int, Bool)
main = let (Cons [c1] (Cons [c2] Nil)) = forkReplicate [addServer] (S (S Z))
in par (\() -> client1 c1) (\() -> client2 c2)
\end{granule}
Here \haskin{addServer} provides functionality offering the
ability to receive two integers and send back their addition,
or receive a single integer and send back whether it is a zero
or not. The two clients \haskin{client1} and \haskin{client2}
exercise both behaviours, via channels given
by \granin{forkReplicate} of \haskin{addServer}, and are run in parallel on line 15
using the \granin{par} combinator which itself implemented in
terms of \granin{forkLinear}.
In the intuitionistic linear logical propositions of Caires and
Pfenning~\cite{cairespfenning}, this same idea is captured by a non-linear
channel (in Dual Intuitionistic Linear Logical style) which yields a linear
version when interacted with; this is akin to the idea of \emph{shared
channels}~\cite{yoshida2007language}. Our approach codifies the same principle
using graded modalities, but only allows finite replication
(Section~\ref{sec:discussion} discusses unbounded replication).
\subsection{Multicast Sending}
\label{subsec:multicast}
The final primitive we introduce here provides the notion of \emph{multicast} (or
\emph{broadcast}) communication where messages on a channel can
be received by multiple clients. The non-linearity here is now
on the payload values being sent, with grading to explain that the amount of non-linearity matches the number
of clients. The \granin{forkMulticast} primitive provides this
behaviour:
\begin{granuleInterface}
forkMulticast : forall {p : Protocol, n : Nat}
. {Sends p} => (Chan (Graded n p) -> ()) -> N n -> Vec n (Chan (Dual p))
\end{granuleInterface}
where \granin{Graded : Nat -> Protocol -> Protocol} is a type function
adding a graded modality to payload types:
\begin{align*}
\setlength{\arraycolsep}{0.2em}
\begin{array}{ll}
\begin{array}{ll}
\text{\granin{Graded n (Send a p)}} & = \ \text{\granin{Send (a [n]) (Graded n p)}} \\[-0.25em]
\text{\granin{Graded n (Recv a p)}} & = \ \text{\granin{Recv (a [n]) (Graded n p)}}\\[-0.25em]
\text{\granin{Graded n (Select p1 p2)}} & = \ \text{\granin{Select (Graded n p1) (Graded n p2)}}\\[-0.25em]
\text{\granin{Graded n (Offer p1 p2)}} & = \ \text{\granin{Offer (Graded n p1) (Graded n p2)}}
\end{array} &
\begin{array}{ll}
\text{\granin{Graded n End}} & = \ \text{\granin{End}} \\ \\ \\
\end{array}
\end{array}
\end{align*}
and \granin{Sends : Protocol -> Predicate} is defined:
\begin{align*}
\dfrac{\quad}{\text{\granin{Sends End}}}
\qquad
\dfrac{\text{\granin{Sends p}}}
{\text{\granin{Sends (Send a p)}}}
\qquad
\dfrac{\text{\granin{Sends p1}} \qquad \text{\granin{Sends p2}}}
{\text{\granin{Sends (Select p1 p2)}}}
\end{align*}
Thus, as long as we are sending values that are wrapped in the graded
modality such that they can be used $n$ times, we can then broadcast
these to $n$ client participants via the \granin{Vec n (Chan (Dual
p))} channels.
For example, in the following we have a \granin{broadcaster} that takes a
channel which expects an integer to be sent which can be used 3 times.
\begin{granule}
broadcaster : LChan (Send (Int [3]) End) -> ()
broadcaster c = close (send c [42])
\end{granule}
We can then broadcast these results
with \granin{forkMulticast broadcaster (S (S (S Z)))} producing
a 3-vector of channels. Below we aggregate the results from these
three receiver channels by applying \granin{aggregateRecv}
to the vector, giving us the result \granin{126}, i.e. \granin{3 * 42}.
\begin{granule}
aggregateRecv : forall {n : Nat} . Vec n (LChan (Recv Int End)) -> Int
aggregateRecv Nil = 0;
aggregateRecv (Cons c cs) = let (x, c) = recv c; () = close c in x + aggregateRecv cs
main : Int -- Evaluates to 126
main = aggregateRecv (forkMulticast broadcaster (S (S (S Z))))
\end{granule}
\section{Discussion and Conclusion}
\label{sec:discussion}
The key idea here is that graded types capture various standard non-linear forms
of communication pattern atop the usual linear session types presentation. This
differs, but is related to, the generalisation of session types via adjoint
logic presented by Pruiksma and Pfenning~\cite{pruiksma}, which offers
non-linearity but without the precise quantification allowed by our grades.
The demands of call-by-value required a different approach to past work, with
syntactic restriction discussed in Section~\ref{subsec:cbv} and vectors to capture
multiplicity of channels. The next step would be to prove type safety given the
additional restriction on promoting channels and the other features introduced
here.
\paragraph{Recursion and other combinators}
A notable omission from our core session types calculus is the ability
to define \emph{recursive protocols}. However, some of the power of
recursive session types is provided here;
reusable channels (Section~\ref{subsec:reuse}) are equivalent to
linearly recursive session types (e.g., $\mu x . P.x$), especially when
the grade \granin{r} is instantiated to \granin{0..Inf} to capture an
arbitrary amount of use. Further work is to integrate standard ideas
on recursive session types and to explore their interaction with grading.
Combinations of the ideas here are also possible; for example, combining
multicast sending with reuse to get channels which we can repeatedly use
to broadcast upon. We could also define a more powerful version of
replication to allow an unknown number of clients (possibly infinite),
with an interface similar to \granin{forkReplicate} but returning a lazy stream
of client channels which can be affinely used:
\begin{granuleInterface}
forkReplicateForever : forall {p : Protocol} . {ReceivePrefix p}
=> (LChan p -> ()) [0..Inf] -> Stream ((LChan (Dual p)) [0..1])
\end{granuleInterface}
\paragraph{Further applications and related ideas}
Using the linear channels already present in Granule it is possible to represent
functions that are \emph{sequentially realizable}~\cite{inverses}; a
sequentially realizable function is one which has outwardly pure behaviour but
relies on a notion of local side effects which are contained within the body of
the function. Looking into which such behaviours may be more easily expressed by
introducing non-linearity via graded channels would be an avenue for future
work.
As discussed in Section~\ref{subsec:cbv}, it is necessary to restrict promotion
of channels due to Granule's default call-by-value semantics, since otherwise
this allows for a linear channel to be used non-linearly. A very similar caveat
applies if we consider mutable arrays. Recent work describes how to represent
uniqueness of reference within Granule in addition to linearity~\cite{entente};
if a unique array is promoted then we end up with multiple references to the
same array, so we can no longer guarantee uniqueness for mutation. This is
resolved by restricting promotion in much the same way as we have here for
linear channels.
Uniqueness in a concurrent setting was considered in various works by de Vries
et al., but in particular we draw attention to their paper on resource
management via unique and affine channels~\cite{devries}. They allow for a
notion of a channel which we can guarantee unique access to after $i$
communication steps where $i$ is some natural number; this is a form
of grading, though quite different from the ideas we have discussed. It would be
interesting to explore how we can represent this in Granule which already has
both uniqueness and graded session types, and whether we gain further
expressivity from doing so.
We explored combining grading with linear session types in Granule, but this
could be extended to other settings. The linear types extension to Haskell is
based on a calculus involving graded function arrows~\cite{linearhaskell}, and
adding additional multiplicities to this system is a possibility. The Priority
Sesh library provides a convenient embedding of the GV linear session calculus
in Haskell~\cite{prioritysesh}, and extending this to make use of more precise
information about channel usage could be valuable. This would also allow for
experimenting with graded channels in a setting where grading can
be implicit, rather than one where (like Granule) all grades are explicitly
encoded via modalities.
\paragraph{Acknowledgments}
This work was supported by an EPSRC Doctoral Training Award (Marshall) and EPSRC
grant EP/T013516/1 (\emph{Verifying Resource-like Data Use in Programs via
Types}).
\nocite{*}
\bibliographystyle{eptcs}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 7,701 |
\section{Introduction}
Concavity is a central tool in mathematical economics and optimization theory, but in practice the widely used functions in these areas are considered to be quasiconcave instead of concave.
In Arrow-Enthoven $(1961)$ \cite{A-E}, the concave optimization problem was extended to the quasiconcave programming, and sufficient optimality conditions in differentiable case were obtained. Later, several authors have studied the quasiconvex optimality conditions by means of various generalized gradients (see for instance Hassouni \cite{H}, Hiriart-Urruty \cite{HU}, Martinez-Legaz \cite{MLeg}).
In consummer theory, the functions studied in many cases are considered to be separable of nature. Sufficient and necessary condition on separable utility functions to be quasiconcave was given in Yaari \cite{Y}, Debreu and Koopmans \cite{D-K}, Crouzeix and Lindberg \cite{C-L}, Berdi and Hassouni \cite{B-H}.
In this paper, the unconstrained optimization problem
$$ \rm{(USQP)}:\qquad \rm{\max_{x\in X} f(x)}$$
and the constrained optimization problem
$$\rm{(CSQP)}:\qquad \rm{ \displaystyle{ \max_{x\in X}f(x) \quad subject\ to\ h_j(x)\geqslant 0 \ (j=1,...,p) }} $$
are investigated, where
$\rm{f}$ and $\rm{h_j}\ $ $(j=1,...,p)$ are quasiconcave on $X$, and
$$\rm{f(x) = \prod_{i=1}^{m} f_{i}(x_i), \qquad x=(x_1,...,x_m)\in X=X_1 \times X_2 \times...\times X_m}$$
with $\rm{f_{i}}$ is a positive non constant real valued function defined on the nonempty open convex set $X_i$ of $\mathbb{R}^{n_i}$.
The scope of the paper is to obtain sufficient optimality conditions for the unconstrained separable quasiconcave problem $ \rm{(USQP)}$, and first order sufficient optimality conditions of K.K.T type for the constrained separable quasiconcave problem $ \rm{(CSQP)}$ with quasiconcave constraint functions, in both differentiable and non differentiable cases.
The paper is organized as follows: In section $2$, we recall some definitions and properties that will be needed, such as some characterizations of quasiconcavity and pseudoconcavity in the differentiable case.
In section $3$, we recall the definition and some properties of a multiplicatively separable $\rm{(MS)}$ function. The basic tool is the multiplicative concavity index introduced by Crouzeix and Kebbour in \cite{C-K}. Under the separability condition $\rm{(MS)}$, quasiconcave differentiable functions become more regular (in convex sense), and then nice results of the problems $ \rm{(USQP)}$ and $ \rm{(CSQP)}$ are obtained.
In section $4$, we define a generalized superdifferential to extend the notion of pseudoconcavity and some of its fundamental properties without differentiability assumption.
Some useful and important generalizations of pseudoconcavity in non differentiable case were introduced and studied under various assumptions by Aussel \cite{Aus}, Hassouni and Jaddar \cite{H-J}, and Koml\'osi \cite{K} for related works.
Again, under the separability condition $\rm{(MS)}$, the problems $ \rm{(USQP)}$ and $ \rm{(CSQP)}$ will be studied in the non differentiable case. An appropriate variant of K.K.T conditions of $ \rm{(CSQP)}$ will be provided.
\section{Preliminaries and notations.}
We recall some definitions and properties that will be needful in the sequel of this paper.
\begin{deft}\label{deft 2.1.}
Let $C$ be a nonempty convex set in $\mathbb{R}^n$ and let $g$ be a real valued function defined on $C$.\\
The hypograph of $g$ is the set
$$hyp(g):=\left\lbrace (x,\mu)\in C\times \mathbb{R}:g(x)\geqslant \mu \right\rbrace$$
For $\alpha\in \mathbb{R}$, the upper-level set $U(g,\alpha)$ and the strict upper-level set $U^{s}(g,\alpha)$ of $g$ are defined as follows:
$$U(g,\alpha):=\left\lbrace x\in C: g(x)\geqslant \alpha \right\rbrace.$$
$$U^{s}(g,\alpha):=\left\lbrace x\in C: g(x) > \alpha \right\rbrace.$$
\begin{itemize}
\item $g$ is said to be \textbf{ concave} on $C$ if $hyp(g)$ is convex, or equivalently if
$$g((1-\lambda)x+\lambda y) \geqslant (1-\lambda)g(x)+\lambda g(y) $$
for all $x,y\in C$ and for all $\lambda \in \left[0;1\right].$
\item $g$ is said to be \textbf{ quasiconcave} on $C$ if the upper-level set $U(g,\alpha)$ is convex for all $\alpha \in \mathbb{R}$, or equivalently if
$$g((1-\lambda)x+\lambda y) \geqslant \min\left[g(x);g(y)\right] $$
for all $x,y\in C$ and for all $\lambda \in \left[0;1\right].$
\item $g$ is said to be \textbf{ semi-strictly quasiconcave} on $C$ if
$$ \forall x_1, x_2 \in C, x_1 \not = x_2 :\ \ g(x_2) > g(x_1) \Rightarrow g((1-\lambda) x_ 1+ \lambda x_ 2) > g(x_ 1) $$
for all $ \lambda $ in $ (0,1) $
For a full description of concavity and quasiconvexity we refer to \cite{C-M,C-F,D-A-Z,R}.
%
\item $g$ is said to be convex (quasiconvex, semi-strictly quasiconvex) if $-g$ is concave (quasiconcave, semi-strictly quasiconcave).
\item If $g$ is positive, it is said to be \textbf{logarithmically concave} (log-concave for short) if
$\ln \circ g$ is concave.
\end{itemize}
The following properties are rather direct consequences of the definitions.
\begin{itemize}
\item $g$ concave $\Longrightarrow g$ log-concave $\Longrightarrow g$ quasiconcave.\\
Let $\varphi:g(C)\rightarrow \mathbb{R}$;
\item If $g$ is quasiconcave on $C$ and $\varphi$
is nondecreasing then $\varphi \circ g$ is quasiconcave.
\item If $g$ is convex (concave) and $\varphi$ is nondecreasing and convex (concave) then $\varphi \circ g$ is convex(concave).
\item If $g$ is convex (concave) and $\varphi$ is nonincreasing and concave (convex) then $\varphi \circ g$ is concave (convex).\\
In particular, if $g$ is positive and concave on $C$, then $\displaystyle \frac{1}{g}$ is convex on $C$.
\item Given $x \in C$ and $d\in \mathbb{R}^{n}$, let us define
$$I_{x,d} := \{t\in \mathbb{R} : x+td \in C \}$$
$$ g_{x,d}(t)=g(x+td), \qquad t\in I_{x,d} $$
Then, $g$ is concave (quasiconcave, log-concave) if and only if for every
$x\in C$ and $d\in \mathbb{R}^n$, the function $g_{x,d}$ is concave (quasiconcave, log-concave) on the interval $I_{x,d}.$
\end{itemize}
\end{deft}
Let's recall the well known characterization of quasiconcavity under differentiability assumption.
\begin{pro}\label{pro 2.1.}
(Arrow-Enthoven \cite{A-E})
Let $g$ be a differentiable function defined on a nonempty open convex set $X$ of $\mathbb{R}^n$.
Then, $g$ is quasiconcave on $X$ if and only if for all $x_1,x_2 \in X:$
$$\displaystyle{\left\langle \nabla g(x_1),x_2-x_1 \right\rangle< 0 \Rightarrow g(x_2)< g(x_1) }$$
\end{pro}
Under differentiability assumption, the following proposition gives a necessary condition of quasiconcavity by means of the strict upper level-set.
\begin{pro}\label{pro 2.2.}
Let $g$ be a differentiable quasiconcave function defined on a convex set $X$ of $\mathbb{R}^n$, and $x,\bar{x}\in X$. Then,
$$\displaystyle{x\in clU^s(g, g(\bar{x})) \Rightarrow \left\langle \nabla g(\bar{x}), x-\bar{x}\right\rangle \geq 0 }$$
\end{pro}
By extending the inequality in Proposition \ref{pro 2.1.}, the notion of pseudoconcavity was introduced as a generalized concavity which plays an important role in applied mathematics such as, optimization theory and mathematical economics. Let's recall the definition and some properties of pseudoconcavity.
\begin{deft}\label{deft 2.2.}
Let $g$ be a differentiable function defined on an open nonempty convex set $X$ of $\mathbb{R}^n$. \\
$g$ is said to be pseudoconcave on $X$ if for all $x_1,x_2 \in X$
$$\displaystyle{ \left\langle\nabla g(x_1), x_2-x_1 \right\rangle \leq 0 \Rightarrow g(x_2) \leq g(x_1) }$$
$g$ is said to be pseudoconvex on $X$ if $(-g)$ is pseudoconcave
\end{deft}
\begin{pro}\label{pro 2.3.}(Mangasarian \cite{M})
Let $g$ be differentiable on $X$. Then,
if $ g $ is pseudoconcave on $ X $, then it is semi-strictly quasiconcave on $X$.
\end{pro}
\begin{pro}\label{pro 2.4.}
Let $g$ be a differentiable function on an open convex set $X$ of $\mathbb{R}^n$. Then, $g$ is pseudoconcave on $X$ if and only if the restriction of $g$ to any line segment in $X$ is pseudoconcave. (see \cite{D-A-Z}).
\end{pro}
It has been known that a differentiable pseudoconcave function $g$ is quasiconcave and has a maximum at $x$ whenever $\nabla g(x) =0$. In \cite{C-F}, Crouzeix and Ferland have shown that this property is a necessary and sufficient condition for pseudoconcavity.
\begin{pro}\label{pro 2.5.}(Theorem 2.2. \cite{C-F})
Let $g$ be a differentiable and quasiconcave function on an open convex set $X \subset \mathbb{R}^n$ . Then $g$ is pseudoconcave on $X$ if and only if $g$ has a local maximum at $x\in X$ whenever
$\nabla g(x) = 0$.
\end{pro}
\begin{deft}
Let $f$ be a real function defined on a convex set $C \subset \mathbb{R}^n$. For $r\in \mathbb{R}\setminus \left\lbrace0\right\rbrace$, let $f_r$ be defined by: \qquad $f_r(x)=e^{rf(x)}$.\\
$f$ is said to be $r$-concave if $f_r$ is concave whenever $r>0$ and convex whenever $r<0$.\\
$f$ is $0$-concave if it is concave. (For more details on $r$-concavity/convexity see Avriel \cite{Avr}).
\end{deft}
\begin{pro}\label{pro 2.6.}(Theorem 6.1. \cite{Avr})
Let $r$ be any real number and let $f$ be a differentiable
$r$-concave function on a convex set $C \subset \mathbb{R}^n$. Then $f$ is pseudoconcave on $C$.
\end{pro}
\section{Optimality conditions under Separability: The differentiable case.}
In this section and the next one, we will study sufficient optimality conditions for separable quasiconcave programming when the objective function is multiplicatively decomposed.\\
First, we recall the definition and some properties of a separable product function.
\begin{deft}\label{deft 3.1.}
Let $X$ be a subset of $\mathbb{R}^n$.
A function $f:X \rightarrow \mathbb{R}$ is said to be multiplicatively separable if it satisfies the following condition:\\
$(MS):$ there exist subsets $X_i$ of $\mathbb{R}^{n_i}$,
and functions $f_i:X_i \rightarrow \mathbb{R}$ $\left( i=1,...,m \right)$ such that
$$ f(x)=\prod_{i=1}^m f_i(x_i) $$
where $\displaystyle{ x=(x_1,...,x_m)\in X=X_1 \times \cdots\times X_m}$
and $\displaystyle{\sum_{i=1}^m n_i=n}$ \\
\end{deft}
First, we recall a necessary condition for the function $f$ to be quasiconcave. See \cite{B-H}
\begin{pro}\label{pro 3.1.}(Lemma 3.4. \cite{B-H})
Let $f$ be a real function defined on a convex set $X \subset \mathbb{R}^n$ verifying the condition $(MS)$.
If $f$ is quasiconcave on $X$, then all $f_i \ (i=1,...,m)$ are quasiconcave on $X_i$.
\end{pro}
Now we recall the definition and some properties of the multiplicative concavity index of a function introduced by Crouzeix and Kebbour in \cite{C-K}. Such an index was the basic tool to study the (generalized)concavity of a function.
\begin{deft} {(Crouzeix-Kebbour \cite{C-K})}\label{deft 3.2.}
The multiplicative concavity index $i_{cv}(f)$ of a function $f:X\rightarrow (0,\infty)$ is defined as follows:
\begin{itemize}
\item If there exists $\lambda < 0$ such that $f^{\lambda}$ is not convex then
$$i_{cv}(f) = \displaystyle \sup \{\mu < 0 : f^{\mu} \ \textrm{ is convex} \}$$
\item If $f^{\lambda} $\ is convex for every $\lambda < 0 $, then
$$i_{cv}(f) = \displaystyle\sup\{\mu > 0 : f^{\mu}\ \textrm{is concave} \}$$
\end{itemize}
\end{deft}
The following proposition is an immediate consequence of Definition \ref{deft 3.2.}. (See \cite{C-K,C-L}).
\begin{pro}\label{pro 3.2.}Let $X$ and $f$ as in Proposition \ref{pro 3.1.}. Then,
\item[(a)] If $\displaystyle {i_{cv}(f) > -\infty}$, then $f$ is quasiconcave ;
\item[(b)] $f$ is log-concave if and only if \ $\displaystyle{ i_{cv}(f) \geq 0}$ ;
\item[(c)] $f$ is concave if and only if \ $\displaystyle{i_{cv}(f) \geq 1}$ ;
\item[(d)] $f$ is constant if and only if \ $\displaystyle{i_{cv}(f) = +\infty}$ and $X$ is open ;
\item[(e)] Let $\displaystyle{\alpha > 0}$, then \ $\displaystyle{i_{cv}(f^{\alpha}) = \frac{1}{\alpha} i_{cv}(f)}$ ;
\item[(f)] $\displaystyle{i_{cv}(f) = \inf \{i_{cv}(f_{x,d}) : x\in X ,d \in \mathbb{R}^{n} \setminus \{ 0 \} \}}$.
\end{pro}
The following proposition, which reveals an interesting property of separable quasiconcave functions, will be used frequently in the sequel of this paper (see \cite{B-H}).
\begin{pro}\label{pro 3.3.}(Theorem 3.12.\cite{B-H})
For $i = 1,...,m$, let $X_{i}$ be a non-empty open convex subset of $\mathbb{R}^{n_{i}}$, and let $f_{i}$ be a positive non constant function defined on $X_{i}$, and $f$ be the function defined on the product space $X = X_{1} \times X_{2} \times ... \times X_{m}$ by $$f(x_{1} ,...,x_{m}) = \displaystyle\prod_{i=1}^{m}f_{i}(x_{i})$$
\begin{itemize}
\item[i)] The function $f$ is quasiconcave if and only if one of the following holds:
\begin{itemize}
\item[a)] all functions $f_{i}$ are log-concave.
\item[b)] all functions $f_{i}$ except one are log-concave and
\begin{equation}\label{eq 1}
\displaystyle\sum_{i = 1}^{n} \frac{1}{i_{cv}(f_{i})} \leq 0
\end{equation}
\end{itemize}
\item[ii)] If $f$ is quasiconcave then
\begin{equation}\label{eq 2}
\frac{1}{i_{cv}(f)} = \displaystyle\sum_{i = 1}^{n} \frac{1}{i_{cv}(f_{i})}
\end{equation}
\end{itemize}
with the convention $\displaystyle{ \frac{1}{0} = \infty }$.
\end{pro}
\begin{rem}\label{rem 3.1}
Notice that if all $f_{i} \ (i=1,\cdots,m) $ are differentiable log-concave, then so is the function $f$, and then it is pseudoconcave. If not, there exists $i_0\in \left\lbrace1,\cdots,m\right\rbrace$ such that $f_{i_o}$ is not log-concave. It is clear that $f_{i_0}$ is $i_{cv}(f_{i_0})$-concave with $i_{cv}(f_{i_0})<0$, then, from Proposition \ref{pro 2.6.}., $f_{i_0}$ is pseudoconcave on $X$, hence, $f$ is also pseudoconcave on $X$.(For more details see the proof of Theorem $5.3.$ in \rm{Crouzeix-Hassouni} \cite{C-H} ).
\end{rem}
\subsubsection*{Unconstrained problem.}
Consider the unconstrained problem
$$\displaystyle{(USQP)}:\qquad \displaystyle{ \max_{x\in X} f(x)} $$
where $f$ satisfies the condition $(MS)$ in Definition \ref{deft 3.1.}.
\begin{theo}\label{Theo 3.1.}
Assume that all $f_i$ are differentiable, and $f$ is quasiconcave on $X$. Then,
\item[i)] If $\bar{x}$ is a critical point of $f$ then $\bar{x}$ is a global maximum of $(USQP)$.
\item[ii)] If $\bar{x}$ is a local maximum of $(USQP)$ then it is a global maximum.
\end{theo}
\begin{proof}
$i)$ Suppose that $\bar{x}$ is a critical point, that is $\nabla f(\bar{x}) =0$, since $\displaystyle{ \left\langle\nabla f(\bar{x}), x-\bar{x}\right\rangle=0 \ \forall x\in X}$ then, by the pseudoconcavity of $f$ , one has $ f(x)\leq f(\bar{x}) $ for all $x\in X.$ \\
$ii)$ Let $ \bar{x} $ be a local maximum of $f$, then there is a neighbourhood $\mathcal{N}(\bar{x}) $ of $ \bar{x} $, such that for all $ x \in \mathcal{N} ( \bar{x}) \cap X $ we have $ f(x) \leq f (\bar{x})$. \\
Let $ x \in X $ such that $ x \not \in \mathcal{N} ( \bar{x}) $. There exists $ \tilde{ \lambda} \in (0,1) $ such that $ \tilde{x} = (1- \tilde{ \lambda}) \bar{x} + \tilde{ \lambda} x \in \mathcal{N} ( \bar{x}) \cap X $. \\
By Proposition \ref{pro 2.4.}. the restriction of $f$ to the line segment $\left[\bar{x},x \right]$ is pseudoconcave.
If $ f (x) > f( \bar{x}) $ then by the semi-strict quasiconcavity of $ f $ (see Proposition \ref{pro 2.3.}.), one has $ f ( \tilde {x}) > f( \bar{x }) $ which is a contradiction. Thus $ \bar{x} $ is a global maximum .
\end{proof}
\subsubsection*{Constrained problem.}
Now consider the constrained problem
\begin{center}
$(CSQP)$:
\begin{tabular}{lcr}
& $\displaystyle{ \max_{x\in X} f(x)}$ & \\
subject to & $h_j(x)\geq 0$ & $j=1,\cdots, p$
\end{tabular}
\end{center}
where $f$ satisfies the condition $(MS)$ in Definition \ref{deft 3.1.}.\\
Define the feasible set $F=\left\lbrace x\in X :h_j(x) \geq 0, \ j=1,...,p \right\rbrace $.
\begin{theo}\label{Theo 3.2.}
Assume that $f$ and all $h_j \ (j=1,...,p)$ are differentiable and quasiconcave on $X$.
Let $\bar{x}$ be a feasible point such that $\displaystyle{ \nabla h_j(\bar{x}) \neq 0 }$ for all $j$ and $h_j(\bar{x}) >0$ for some $j$.\\ If there exist $\lambda_j\in \mathbb{R}, j = 1,\cdots,p,$ such that
\begin{equation}\label{eq 3}
\nabla f (\bar{x})+\sum_{j=1}^p\lambda_j \nabla h_j(\bar{x})=0,
\end{equation}
\begin{equation}\label{eq 4}
\lambda_jh_j(\bar{x})=0,\ j=1,\cdots,p,
\end{equation}
\begin{equation}\label{eq 5}
\lambda_j\geq 0,\ j=1,\cdots,p,
\end{equation}
then $\bar{x}$ is a global solution of $(CSQP).$
\end{theo}
\begin{proof}
Assume, by contradiction, that there exists $x_0 \in F$ such that
$f(x_0) > f(\bar{x})$. By the pseudoconcavity of $f$ we have $\left\langle\nabla f(\bar{x}), x_0- \bar{x}\right\rangle > 0$.\\
Since $h_j(x_0)\geq 0 = h_j(\bar{x}),\ j\in J(\bar{x})=\left\lbrace j / h_j(\bar{x})=0\right\rbrace$, the quasiconcavity of $h_j$ implies $\left\langle\nabla h_j(\bar{x}), x_0-\bar{x}\right\rangle\geq 0,\ j \in J(\bar{x})$.\\
From the complementarity condition (\ref{eq 4}), we have
$\lambda_j = 0, \forall j \not\in J(\bar{x})$, hence:\\ $\displaystyle{\left\langle\nabla f(\bar{x}), x_0-\bar{x}\right\rangle +\sum_{j=1}^p\left\langle\lambda_jh_j(\bar{x}), (x_0-\bar{x}\right\rangle > 0}$,
which contradicts (\ref{eq 3}).
\end{proof}
\begin{ex}
Consider the Cobb-Douglas utility function defined by:
$$ u(x_{1},x_{2},...,x_{n}) = \prod_{i=1}^{n}u_{i}(x_{i}) $$
where $u_{i}(x_{i}) = x_{i}^{\alpha_{i}} $ with $x_{i} > 0$ and $\alpha_{i} > 0$ ; $i=1,...,n$ \\
Consider the problem of maximization of $u$ with constraint budget:
\begin{center}
$(P)$:
\begin{tabular}{lcr}
& $\displaystyle{\max u(x)}$ & \\
subject to & $G(x) \leq B$ &
\end{tabular}
\end{center}
where $G(x)= p_1x_1+p_2x_2+...+p_nx_n $.
From Proposition \ref{pro 3.3.}., $u$ is quasiconcave , and since it is differentiable with $\nabla u(x) \neq~0$ for all $x$, then, by Proposition \ref{pro 2.5.}., $u$ is pseudoconcave.\\
Let $H(x)=B-p_1x_1-p_2x_2-...-p_nx_n$. It is clear that
$H$ is quasiconcave and differentiable.\\
Let $\bar{x}=(\bar{x}_1,...,\bar{x}_n)$ a feasible point, that is $H(\bar{x})\geq0$, and let $\lambda \in \mathbb{R}$ such that $(\bar{x},\lambda)$ satisfies the $KKT$ conditions (\ref{eq 3}), (\ref{eq 4}) and (\ref{eq 5}) in Theorem \ref{Theo 3.2.}. \\
By (\ref{eq 3}) one has:
$ \displaystyle{ \alpha_i \bar{x}_1^{\alpha_1}\bar{x}_2^{\alpha_2}\cdots \bar{x}_i^{\alpha_i -1}\cdots \bar{x}_n^{\alpha_n}=\lambda p_i }$ for all $i=1 \cdots n$.
Since $\bar{x}_i>0, \alpha_i>0, p_i>0, (i=1,...,n)$ then $\lambda \neq 0$, and $\displaystyle{\frac{\displaystyle{\prod_{j=1}^{n}}(\bar{x}_{j})^{\alpha_{j}}}{\lambda}=\frac{p_i}{\alpha_{i}}\bar{x}_i}$,
thus $\displaystyle{ \bar{x}_i= \frac{\alpha_i p_1}{\alpha_1 p_i}\bar{x}_1 }$ for all $i=1,...,n$.\\
By (\ref{eq 4}) and since $\lambda \neq 0$ one has $H(\bar{x}_1,...,\bar{x}_n)=0$, \rm{i.e.} $p_1\bar{x}_1+...+p_n\bar{x}_n=B$,
then;\\ $\displaystyle{ \bar{x}_1=\frac{\alpha_1 B}{(\alpha_1+...+\alpha_n)p_1} }$,
thus $\displaystyle{ \bar{x}=\big(\frac{\alpha_1 B}{(\alpha_1+...+\alpha_n)p_1},...,\frac{\alpha_n B}{(\alpha_1+...+\alpha_n)p_n} \big)}$ is a solution of $(P)$.
\end{ex}
\section{Optimality conditions under Separability: The non differentiable case.}
In this section we will study the problems $\rm{(USQP)}$ and $\rm{(CSQP)}$ studied in the previous section when the objective function and the constrained functions are not necessarily differentiable.
First, notice that in Proposition \ref{pro 3.3.}., any assumption of differentiability of $f$ is required. \\
Secondary, we recall that the notion of pseudoconcavity can be extended to non differentiable case by means of a generalized superdifferential instead of the classical gradient.\\
Let's define an abstract superdifferential in the same sense as the abstract subdifferential defined by Aussel et al in \cite{A-C-L}.
\begin{deft}\label{deft 4.1}
We call superdifferential, denoted by $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$, any operator which associates
a subset $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(x) $ of $\mathbb{R}^n$ to any upper semi-continuous function $f : X \rightarrow \mathbb{R}\cup \left\lbrace -\infty\right\rbrace$
and any $x\in X$ such that $f(x)$ is finite, and satisfies the following properties:
\item[(P1)]$\stackrel{\frown}{\partial} f(x) = \left\lbrace x^*\in \mathbb{R}^n:\left\langle x^*,y-x\right\rangle + f(x) \geq f(y), \forall y \in X \right\rbrace $ whenever $f$ is concave;
\item[(P2)]$0 \in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(x) $ whenever $x$ is a local maximum of $f$;
\item[(P3)]$ \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}(f+g)(x)\subset \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} f(x) + \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} g(x)$ whenever $g$ is a real-valued concave continuous function which is $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-differentiable at $x$.\\
where $g$ is $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-differentiable at $x$ means that both $ \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}g(x)$ and $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}(-g)(x)$ are
non-empty.
\end{deft}
\begin{exs}
Let's recall the Clarcke-Rockafellar subdifferential $\partial^{CR}$ and the upper-Dini subdifferential $\partial^{D+}$ for a lower-semicontinuous function
$f : X \rightarrow \mathbb{R}\cup \left\lbrace +\infty\right\rbrace$:
$$\displaystyle{\partial^{CR}f(x):=\left\lbrace x^*\in X^* : \left\langle x^*,v\right\rangle\leq f^{\uparrow} (x;v) \ \forall v\in X\right\rbrace} $$
$${\rm with}\qquad \displaystyle{ f^{\uparrow}(x;v) = \sup_{\varepsilon>0}\limsup_{x'\rightarrow_f x\atop {t\searrow 0}}\inf_{v'\in B_{\varepsilon}(v)}\frac{f(x'+tv')-f(x')}{t},}$$
and
$$\displaystyle{\partial^{D^+}f(x):=\left\lbrace x^*\in X^* : \left\langle x^*,v\right\rangle\leq f^{D^+}(x,v),\ \forall v\in X\right\rbrace}$$
$${\rm with}\qquad\displaystyle{f^{D^+}(x,v)=\limsup_{t\searrow 0}\frac{f(x+tv)-f(x)}{t}}$$
where the notation $\displaystyle{x'\rightarrow_f x} $ means that $x'\rightarrow x$ and $f(x')\rightarrow f(x)$.\\
Let's define the Clarcke-Rockafellar superdifferential $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}^{CR}$ and the upper-Dini superdifferential $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}^{D+}$ for an upper-semicontinuous function $f : X \rightarrow \mathbb{R}\cup \left\lbrace -\infty\right\rbrace$:
$$\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}^{CR}f(x):=-\partial^{CR}(-f)(x) $$
$$\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}^{D+}f(x):=-\partial^{D+}(-f)(x)$$
These two superdifferentials check, among others, the above abstract superdifferential's properties in Definition \ref{deft 4.1}.
\end{exs}
We recall that $\partial^{CR}$ and $\partial^{D+}$ contain the best known subdifferentials such as the lower Hadamard subdifferential $\partial ^{H-}$, the Fr\'echet subdifferential $\partial ^F$ and the lipschitz subdifferential $\partial ^{LS}$.\\
In the sequel, we will use the symbol $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$ to mean either $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}^{CR}$ or $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}^{D+}$.\\
The following proposition, which extend Proposition \ref{pro 2.1.}., is an immediate consequence of Definition \ref{deft 4.1}. and Theorem $2.1.$ in \cite{Aus}.
\begin{pro}\label{pro 4.1}
Let $X$ be a nonempty convex subset of $\mathbb{R}^n $ and let $f: X \longrightarrow \mathbb{R}$ be an upper-semicontinuous function. Then, the following assertions are
equivalent:
\item[i)] $f$ is quasiconcave;
\item[ii)] $\displaystyle{ \left(\exists x^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(x) : \left\langle x^*,y-x\right\rangle < 0\right) \Rightarrow f(y) > f(z) \qquad \forall z\in \left[x;y\right])} $
\end{pro}
From Definition \ref{deft 4.1}. and Proposition \ref{pro 4.1}., the Proposition \ref{pro 2.2.}. can be extended as follows:
\begin{pro}\label{pro 4.2.}
Let $f$ be an upper semi-continuous and quasiconcave real valued function on a convex set $X$ of $\mathbb{R}^n$, and let $x,\bar{x}\in X$. Then,
$$x\in clU^s(f,f(\bar{x})) \Rightarrow \left\langle \bar{x}^*,x-\bar{x}\right\rangle \geq 0 \qquad \forall \bar{x}^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(\bar{x})$$
\end{pro}
Now, we extend the definition and some properties of pseudoconcavity to the non differentiable case.
\begin{deft}\label{deft 4.2} Let $X$ be a nonempty convex subset of $\mathbb{R}^n $ and let $f: X \longrightarrow \mathbb{R}$ be an upper-semicontinuous function.
$f$ is said to be pseudoconcave with respect to $ \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$ (in short $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave) if, for any $x, y\in X$, one has
$$\displaystyle{ \left( \exists x^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} f(x) : \left\langle x^*,y-x\right\rangle \leq 0\right) \Rightarrow f(y)\leq f(x)}.$$
\end{deft}
As in the differentiable case, every $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave function satisfies the following fundamental properties:
\begin{pro}\label{pro 4.3.}
Let $f$ be an upper-semicontinuous function on $X$. Then, $f$ is $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave on $X$ if and only if the restriction of $f$ to any line segment in $X$ is $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave.
\end{pro}
The proof follows from the radial property of the generalized derivatives $f^{\uparrow}$ and $f^{D+}$.
\begin{pro}\label{pro 4.4.}
Let $f: X\rightarrow\mathbb{R}$ be an upper-semicontinuous and radially continuous function. Then, the following assertions are equivalent:
\item[(i)]$f$ is $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave;
\item[(ii)]$f$ is quasiconcave and ($0\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} f(x) \Rightarrow f$ has a global maximum at $x$).
\end{pro}
The proof is a direct consequence of Definition \ref{deft 4.2}. and Proposition \ref{pro 4.1}.
\subsubsection*{Unconstrained problem}
Let $f$ be a real valued function defined on a non empty open convex set $X$ of $\mathbb{R}^n$ satisfying the separability condition $(MS)$ in Definition \ref{deft 3.1.}. Consider the unconstrained problem:
$$\displaystyle{ \rm{(USQP)}: \qquad \max_{x\in X} f(x) }$$
\begin{theo}\label{theo 4.1.}
Assume that $f$ is upper-semicontinuous, quasiconcave and radially continuous on $X$. Then,
if $\bar{x}$ solves $(USQP)$ locally, then it is a global solution.
\end{theo}
\begin{proof}
By the separability condition $(MS)$ and from Proposition \ref{pro 3.3.}. and Remark \ref{rem 3.1}., the function $f$ is either log-concave or $r$-concave, and then it is $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave. If $\bar{x}$ is a local maximum of $f$, then by $(P2)$ in Definition \ref{deft 4.1}., $\displaystyle{0\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(\bar{x})}$, thus from Proposition \ref{pro 4.4.}., $\bar{x}$ is a global maximum of $f$.
\end{proof}
\begin{coro}
Let $f$ as in Theorem \ref{theo 4.1.}. Assume that $\displaystyle{\bar{x}\notin clU^s(f,f(\bar{x}))}$. Then $\bar{x}$ is a global solution of $(USQP)$.
\end{coro}
\begin{proof}
If $\displaystyle{\bar{x}\notin clU^s(f,f(\bar{x}))}$, then there exists a neighbourhood $\displaystyle{\mathcal{N}(\bar{x})}\subset X$ of $\bar{x}$ such that $\displaystyle{ \mathcal{N}(\bar{x})\cap clU^s(f,f(\bar{x}))=\emptyset}$, thus $\bar{x}$ is a local maximum of $f$, hence by the $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcavity of $f$ and Theorem \ref{theo 4.1.}., $\bar{x}$ is a global solution of $(USQP)$.
\end{proof}
\subsubsection*{Constrained problem.}
Let $f$ be an upper-semicontinuous and quasiconcave real valued function defined on $X$ satisfying the separability condition $(MS)$ in Definition \ref{deft 3.1.}. Consider the constrained problem:
\begin{center}
$(CSQP)$:
\begin{tabular}{lcr}
& $\displaystyle{ \max_{x\in X} f(x)}$ & \\
subject to & $h_j(x)\geq 0$ & $j=1,\cdots, p$
\end{tabular}
\end{center}
where $h_j \ (j=1,...,p)$ are quasiconcave and upper-semicontinuous on $X$.\\
Let's define the feasible set $\displaystyle{\mathcal{F}=\left\lbrace x\in X :h_j(x) \geqslant 0, \ j=1,...,p \right\rbrace }$.\\
For $x\in \mathcal{F}$, denote $\displaystyle{ J(x)=\left\lbrace j:h_j(x)=0 \right\rbrace }$.
\begin{pro}\label{pro 4.5.}
Let $\bar{x}$ be a feasible point of $(CSQP)$. For $j\in J(\bar{x})$, assume that $\displaystyle{0 \notin \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}h_j(x)}$ whenever $x\in \mathcal{F}$ and $h_j(x)=0$. Then, $\displaystyle{ \left\langle \bar{x}^*,x-\bar{x}\right\rangle \geq 0 \ \forall \bar{x}^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}h_j(\bar{x})}$.
\end{pro}
\begin{proof}
For $j\in J(\bar{x})$, and $x\in \mathcal{F}$ such that $h_j(x)=0$, if $\displaystyle{0 \notin \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}h_j(x)}$, then, by $(P_2)$ in Definition \ref{deft 4.1}., $x$ is not a local maximum of $h_j$. Suppose that there exists $\displaystyle{\bar{x}^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}h_j(\bar{x})} $, such that $\displaystyle{ \left\langle \bar{x}^*,x-\bar{x}\right\rangle < 0 }$. Since $\displaystyle{h_j(x)=h_j(\bar{x})=0}$, Proposition \ref{pro 4.2.}. yields $\displaystyle{x\notin clU^s(h_j, h_j(x))}$. Thus $x$ is a local maximum of $h_j$, which is a contradiction.
\end{proof}
Let's define a variant of the well known K.K.T. conditions that we show as a sufficient optimality conditions for the constrained problem $(CSQP)$.
\begin{deft}\label{deft 4.3.}
We say that a pair $(\bar{x},\bar{\lambda}) \in X \times \mathbb{R}^p$ satisfies the
modified Karush-Kuhn-Tucker conditions (m-K.K.T. conditions) if it satisfies the super-gradient condition:
\begin{equation}\label{eq 6}
0\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(\bar{x})+\sum_{j=1}^p\lambda_j \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} h_j(\bar{x})-N_X(\bar{x})
\end{equation}
where $\displaystyle{N_X(\bar{x})}$ is the normal cone of $X$ at $\bar{x}$,
and also the usual complementary slackness conditions:
\begin{equation}\label{eq 7}
\lambda_jh_j(\bar{x})=0,\ j=1,\cdots,p
\end{equation}
\begin{equation}\label{eq 8}
h_j(\bar{x})\geq 0,\ j=1,\cdots,p
\end{equation}
\begin{equation}\label{eq 9}
\lambda_j\geq 0,\ j=1,\cdots,p
\end{equation}
\end{deft}
Let's recall the {\itshape{Slater constraint qualification}}: there exists $\tilde{x}$ in $X$, called a Slater point for $\rm{(CSQP)}$, such that
$h_j(\tilde{x})>0$ for some $\displaystyle{j\in \left\lbrace1,\cdots,p\right\rbrace}$.
\begin{theo}\label{Theo 4.2.}
Let $\bar{x}$ be a feasible point of $(CSQP)$. Assume that $(CSQP)$ has a Slater point, and $0 \not\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial}h_j(x)$ whenever $x\in \mathcal{F}$ and $h_j(x)=0 $. If there exists $\bar{\lambda}\in \mathbb{R}^p$ such that $(\bar{x},\bar{\lambda})$ satisfies the m-K.K.T. conditions, then $\bar{x}$ is a solution of $(CSQP)$.
\end{theo}
\begin{proof}
Assume, by contradiction, that there exists a feasible point $x_0$ such that $f(x_0) > f(\bar{x})$.\\
By Proposition \ref{pro 3.3.}, because of separability condition, $f$ is actually $\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}$-pseudoconcave and then, for all $\displaystyle{\bar{x}^{*}\in\stackrel{\frown}{\partial}f(\bar{x})}$ one has $\displaystyle{\left\langle \bar{x}^*, x_0- \bar{x}\right\rangle > 0}$.\\
Since $N_X(\bar{x})$ coincides with the normal cone of convex analysis when $X$ is convex (see \cite{Cl}), then for all $v\in N_X(\bar{x})$ one has
$\left\langle v,x_0-\bar{x}\right\rangle \leq 0$. Thus, for all $\bar{x}^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} f (\bar{x})$, $\bar{x}_j^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} h_j(\bar{x})$ and $v\in N_X(\bar{x})$ one has:
\begin{equation}\label{eq 10}
\left\langle \bar{x}^*-v , x_0-\bar{x} \right\rangle > 0
\end{equation}
If $j\in J(\bar{x})$, by Proposition \ref{pro 4.5.}., one has for all $\bar{x}_j^* \in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} h_j(\bar{x})$:
\begin{equation}\label{eq 11}
\left\langle \bar{x}_j^*, x_0-\bar{x}\right\rangle \geq 0
\end{equation}
From the condition (\ref{eq 7}),
$\lambda_j = 0$ for all $j \not\in J(\bar{x})$.
Adding (\ref{eq 11}) for $j=1,\cdots,p$, and combining with (\ref{eq 10}) we get:
$$\displaystyle{ \left\langle \bar{x}^*, x_0- \bar{x}\right\rangle + \sum_{j=1}^p \lambda_j\left\langle \bar{x}_j^*, x_0-\bar{x}\right\rangle - \left\langle v,x_0-\bar{x} \right\rangle >0}$$
for all $\displaystyle{\bar{x}^*\in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} f (\bar{x})}$, $\displaystyle{ \bar{x}_j^* \in \stackrel{\frown}{\partial} h_j(\bar{x}), \ (j=1,...,p) }$ and $\displaystyle{v\in N_X(\bar{x})}$, which contradicts (\ref{eq 6}).
\end{proof}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 5,502 |
{"url":"https:\/\/bugs.kde.org\/show_bug.cgi?id=291082","text":"Bug\u00a0291082 - Minted environment is not highlighted properly\nMinted environment is not highlighted properly\n Status: RESOLVED FIXED None kile Unclassified editor (show other bugs) 2.1.0 Compiled Sources Linux NOR normal (vote) --- Michel Ludwig\n\n Reported: 2012-01-09 20:42 UTC by Javier 2012-12-10 19:40 UTC (History) 1 user (show) flying-sheep http:\/\/commits.kde.org\/kate\/6aea10d62b6558a657c6385416c7d477ae67cba6\n\nAttachments\n\n Note You need to log in before you can comment on or make changes to this bug.\n Javier 2012-01-09 20:42:12 UTC Version: 2.1.0 (using KDE 4.7.3) OS: Linux Everything inside a minted environment is treated as normal text, when it should be treated as verbatim. Reproducible: Always Steps to Reproduce: Just paste this code into a .tex file within kile \\begin{minted}{php} \\end{minted} Actual Results: The dollar sign (\\$) is treated as \"math mode\", and all the highlighting after that goes green. (which should be fine, if it werent a verbatim envirnoment) Expected Results: The best would be if kile highlighted the code depending on the paramater of the minted environment. In this case, highlight it as php. I know this can be a lot of work (considering all the possible languages minted has available!) so higlighting it as standard verbatim should be fine too. A workaround has already been posted on the community at http:\/\/www.latex-community.org\/forum\/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=206, but i feel its not the optimal way of solving this. Philipp A. 2012-12-08 16:01:25 UTC fixed, please ship :D https:\/\/git.reviewboard.kde.org\/r\/107633\/ Michel Ludwig 2012-12-10 19:40:02 UTC Git commit 6aea10d62b6558a657c6385416c7d477ae67cba6 by Michel Ludwig. Committed on 10\/12\/2012 at 20:37. Pushed by mludwig into branch 'master'. Add support for the LaTeX environment (and command) 'minted' Patch by Phil Schaf . M +12 -4 part\/syntax\/data\/latex.xml http:\/\/commits.kde.org\/kate\/6aea10d62b6558a657c6385416c7d477ae67cba6","date":"2022-01-19 13:02:25","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": true, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 0, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 0, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 1, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 0, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.8539851307868958, \"perplexity\": 11250.736710043006}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 10, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": true}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2022-05\/segments\/1642320301341.12\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20220119125003-20220119155003-00184.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
module TZInfo
module Definitions
module Asia
module Aden
include TimezoneDefinition
linked_timezone 'Asia/Aden', 'Asia/Riyadh'
end
end
end
end
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 5,990 |
Q: Python: Appending to multiple lists from function return I'm looking for a pythonic way to to append to several lists from a tuple returned by a function.
So turning this:
def f():
return (1,2)
a = []
b = []
for c in container:
r1, r2 = f()
a += [r1]
b += [r1]
Into something like:
for c in container:
a, b += f()
My code is a bit more complicated (does several operations inside the loop), and I have a version using zip and list comprehension, but it's a bit unreadable:
list1, list2, list3 = zip (*[
c( list(img.to(devices[i]) for img in images),
features[i],
[{k: v.to(devices[i]) for k, v in t.items()} for t in targets]
)
for i, c in enumerate(container)
])
If I can turn the list comprehension into a regular for and have a compact way of appending, I think readability would improve a lot.
Thanks in advance!
A: So, for something like this:
def f():
return (1,2)
a = []
b = []
for c in container:
r1, r2 = f()
a += [r1]
b += [r1]
Put your target lists in another list then use zip to iterate over than and the corresponding result:
accumulators = [a, b]
for c in container:
for acc, result in zip(accumulators, f()):
acc.append(result) # NOT acc += [result]
You are right, this giant, nested list comprehension is totally unreadable. You are abusing zip here too. This little trick is sometimes ok, but in this case, it just obscures what's going on. You should be using zip to iterate over several iterables at the same time, don't use an i index to do that. Use temporary variables to hold your intermediate results, I called them arg1 and arg3 but use a descriptive name for your use-case. Look how much cleaner this is, you can easily follow what's going on:
accumulators = [list1, list2, list3]
for container, device feature in zip(containers, devices, features):
arg1 = [img.to(device) for img in images]
arg3 = [{k: v.to(device)} for k,v in t.items()} for t in targets]
results = container(arg1, feature, arg2)
for accumulator, result in zip(accumulators, results):
accumulator.append(result)
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 7,338 |
Q: How do I install DKMS (and others) for my NVidia drivers on Vivid? Today I tried install Ubuntu again (I haven't succeeded in weeks!) and I need my NVidia drivers to my GeForce GTX 970.
I followed to simplest guide I could find:
$ sudo add-apt-repository ppa:xorg-edgers/ppa
$ sudo apt-get update
$ sudo apt-get install nvidia-352 nvidia-settings
The problem comes with the later command, where the output looks something like this:
The following packages have unmet dependencies:
nvidia-352 : Depends: dkms but it's not installable
Depends: lib32gcc1 but it's not installable
Depends: libc6-i386 but it's not installed (I have no idea why bc I'm running AMD)
Recommends: nvidia-prine (>= 0.5) but it's not installable or
bumblebee but it's not installed
Recommends: libcuda1-352 but it's not installed
Recommends: nvidia-opencl-icd-352 but it's not installed
nvidia-settings : Depends: screen-resolution-extra (>= 0.12) but it's not installable
Depends: libjansson4 (>= 2.3) but it's not installable
E: Unable to correct problems, you have held broken packages.
My sources.list looks like this:
deb security.ubuntu.com/ubuntu utopic-security main
deb archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu vivid univrse
I've tried sudo apt-get install dkms (no installation candidates).
I don't have any graphics drivers at all so I need to everything from (Ctrl + Alt + F1-F6)-terminal.
I'm starting to go mad because everyone I see installing Ubuntu just press enter and done, no worries about graphics.
A: You need to create some normal sources.list.
Run
sudo nano /etc/apt/sources.list
and replace its contents with
deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu vivid main multiverse universe restricted
deb http://archive.ubuntu.com/ubuntu vivid-security main multiverse universe restricted
Then run
sudo apt-get update
sudo apt-get install --reinstall nvidia-352
sudo add-apt-repository -r ppa:xorg-edgers/ppa
and reboot. That should let you boot normally.
And after you boot to GUI, you can use this answer to re-create normal sources.list.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 3,529 |
\section{Introduction}
Finite-temperature correlation and response functions of quantum many-particle systems are of great interest. They provide insights into the many-body physics and allow to compare theoretical models to experimental results. However, their precise computation remains challenging. For many relevant models, one has to rely on the development of efficient numerical techniques. The most successful method for the study of strongly correlated one-dimensional (1D) systems is the density-matrix renormalization group (DMRG) which is based on matrix product states (MPS) \cite{White1992-11,White1993-10,Schollwoeck2005}. While DMRG was originally designed to study ground states of 1D systems, its extension to the time evolution of quantum states within tDMRG \cite{Vidal2003-10,White2004,Daley2004} allows for the simulation of quenches and response functions. Based on this extension, quite different methods for the simulations at finite temperatures have been developed. One of them rests on a purification \footnote{A state $|\mathrm{P}_{\hat{\rho}}\rangle\in\mc{H}\otimes\mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$ is called a purification of the density matrix ${\hat{\rho}}$ on $\mc{H}$ if $\operatorname{Tr}_{\mathrm{aux}} |\mathrm{P}_{\hat{\rho}}\rangle\langle \mathrm{P}_{\hat{\rho}}|={\hat{\rho}}$.} of the density matrix \cite{Uhlmann1976,Uhlmann1986,Nielsen2000} which can be encoded in matrix product form \cite{Verstraete2004-6,Zwolak2004-93}. First, this was successfully applied to study static finite-temperature properties of quantum spin chains \cite{Feiguin2005-72,Barthel2005}. The combination with real-time tDMRG allows for the precise evaluation of finite-temperature response functions and can be applied to compute spectral functions and to study a variety of experimentally relevant systems \cite{Barthel2009-79b,Feiguin2010-81,Karrasch2012-108,Barthel2012_12,Barthel2013-15,Karrasch2013-15,Karrasch2013-87,Lake2013-111,Huang2013-88}. Despite their success, simulations based on such purifications are often limited with respect to the reachable inverse temperatures and/or times, due to a growth of entanglement which is accompanied by a corresponding growth of computation costs. The search for complementary approaches led to an algorithm that avoids the direct encoding of the mixed states: Instead of purifying the density matrix, one can sample cleverly chosen pure states, so-called minimally entangled typical thermal states (METTS) \cite{White2009-102,Stoudenmire2010-12}. While they can be efficiently encoded in matrix product form as their entanglement is relatively low, they represent well the thermal properties of the system at hand. The METTS algorithm has been successfully applied to study static properties and quantum quenches at finite temperature \cite{Yao2012,Alvarez2013,Bonnes2014}. However, a thorough analysis of its accuracy and efficiency compared to computations using matrix product purifications of the density matrices was lacking.
In this work, we discuss how self-averaging can be used to moderately reduce statistical errors in the METTS algorithm and introduce schemes for the evaluation of response functions using METTS. We compare the accuracies and computation costs of the METTS and purification approaches for the evaluation of finite-temperature correlation and response functions. We focus on two paradigmatic models of interacting quantum systems, namely the spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain \cite{Bethe1931,Cloizeaux1966-7,Mikeska2004} and the 1D Bose-Hubbard model \cite{Kuehner1998-58,Jaksch1998-81} at critical as well as non-critical points of their phase diagrams. In contrast to indications and expectations expressed in the earlier literature \cite{White2009-102,Schollwoeck2009-2,Bonnes2014}, for almost all cases considered here, we find that, for the same computation cost, the purification approach yields more accurate results than METTS -- often by orders of magnitude. METTS become more efficient only for temperatures well below the energy gap of the system. It would be interesting to investigate further whether other approaches as, for example, computations based on the ground state and a few excited states, which can be determined variationally, could outperform the METTS approach for such very low temperatures. For the comparisons, we always use equal total computation costs for both methods, ignoring that METTS simulations can be parallelized more easily than purification simulations by generating independent Markov chains on different computing nodes. This can be taken into account by keeping in mind that, to reduce the presented METTS errors by an order of magnitude, one needs to increase the number of employed computing nodes by at least a factor of 100.
The article is structured as follows. Sections~\ref{Sec:Purification} and \ref{Sec:METTS} shortly review the algorithms for computing static observables with purifications and METTS, respectively, and discuss the interplay of statistical and truncation errors for METTS (Sec.~\ref{Sec:METTS_StatisticsVsTrunc}) as well as self-averaging (Sec.~\ref{Sec:METTS_SelfAverage}). In section~\ref{Sec:Response}, we introduce for METTS a simple scheme and two more elaborate schemes for the computation of response functions which are analogous to corresponding schemes based on purifications \cite{Barthel2009-79b,Karrasch2012-108,Barthel2012_12}. The main objective of the paper, the efficiency comparison of METTS and purifications, is presented in section~\ref{Sec:Statics} for static correlations functions in the spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain and the Bose-Hubbard model, and in section~\ref{Sec:ResponseXXZ} for response functions in the XXZ model. Some technical issues are described in appendices. We summarize and conclude in section~\ref{Sec:Conclusion}.
\section{Matrix product purifications} \label{Sec:Purification}
Let us briefly review how to compute finite-temperature expectation values $\langle\hat{O}\rangle_\beta=\operatorname{Tr}({\hat{\rho}}_\beta\hat{O})/Z_\beta$ using matrix product purifications. Here, we work with the canonical ensemble ${\hat{\rho}}_\beta=\exp(-\beta\hat{H})$ and $Z_\beta=\operatorname{Tr}{\hat{\rho}}_\beta$.
A state $|\mathrm{P}_{\hat{\rho}}\rangle\in\mc{H}\otimes\mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$ is called a purification of the density matrix ${\hat{\rho}}$ on $\mc{H}$ if
\begin{equation}\label{eq:purify}
\operatorname{Tr}_{\mathrm{aux}} |\mathrm{P}_{\hat{\rho}}\rangle\langle \mathrm{P}_{\hat{\rho}}|={\hat{\rho}}.
\end{equation}
Choosing the auxiliary Hilbert space $\mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$ isomorphic to the physical Hilbert space $\mc{H}$, i.e., $\mc{H}\simeq\mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$, it is simple to give a purification of the infinite-temperature state ${\hat{\rho}}_0=\mathbbm{1}$. It is
\begin{equation}\label{eq:dm0}
|\mathrm{P}_{{\hat{\rho}}_0}\rangle = \bigotimes_i \big( \sum_{\sigma_{i}}|\sigma_{i}\rangle \otimes |\sigma_{i}\rangle_{\mathrm{aux}} \big),
\end{equation}
where $|\sigma_{i}\rangle$ are orthonormal basis states for lattice site $i$, and $|\sigma_{i}\rangle_{\mathrm{aux}}$ for the corresponding lattice site of the auxiliary system.
For the orthonormal basis $\{|{\vec{\sigma}}\rangle=\bigotimes_i|\sigma_i\rangle\}$ of $\mc{H}$, let $|X\rangle\in\mc{H}\otimes \mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$ denote the vectorization of an operator $\hat{X}$ on $\mc{H}$ such that
\begin{equation}\label{eq:vectorize}
|X\rangle \equiv \sum_{{\vec{\sigma}}\vs'}\langle{\vec{\sigma}}|\hat{X}|{\vec{\sigma}}'\rangle \,|{\vec{\sigma}}\rangle\otimes|{\vec{\sigma}}'\rangle_{\mathrm{aux}}.
\end{equation}
In this notation, we have that $|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle\in \mc{H}\otimes\mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$ is according to equations \eqref{eq:purify} and \eqref{eq:vectorize} a purification of the density matrix ${\hat{\rho}}_\beta$.
Because $|\rho_0\rangle\equiv |\mathrm{P}_{{\hat{\rho}}_0}\rangle$, as given in Eq.~\eqref{eq:dm0}, is a product state, it can be encoded as an MPS with matrices of bond dimension one (cf.\ appendix~\ref{Appx:Truncations}). With $|\rho_0\rangle$ as the initial state, one can employ imaginary-time evolution, to obtain purifications $|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle$ for finite-temperature states ${\hat{\rho}}_\beta$,
\begin{equation}\label{eq:purify2}
|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle = \big(\mathrm{e}^{-\beta\hat{H}/2} \otimes \mathbbm{1}_{\mathrm{aux}}\big) |\rho_0\rangle.
\end{equation}
To this purpose one can employ the time-dependent DMRG algorithm (tDMRG) \cite{White2004,Daley2004} or the almost identical time-evolved block decimation (TEBD) \cite{Vidal2003-10}. Specifics of our simulations are summarized in appendix~\ref{Appx:Truncations}. Exploiting that
\begin{equation*}
Z_\beta=\langle\rho_{\beta/2}|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle\quad \text{and}\quad
{\hat{\rho}}_\beta =\operatorname{Tr}_{\mathrm{aux}} |\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle \langle\rho_{\beta/2}|,
\end{equation*}
thermal expectation values can be computed by
\begin{equation}
\langle \hat{O} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta} \operatorname{Tr}\big(\mathrm{e}^{-\beta\hat{H}} \hat{O}\big) = \frac{\langle\rho_{\beta/2}|\hat{O}|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle}{\langle\rho_{\beta/2}|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle},
\end{equation}
where both physical and auxiliary degrees of freedom are summed over.
\section{METTS sampling} \label{Sec:METTS}
\subsection{Algorithm for static observables} \label{Sec:METTSalgo}
The strategy employed in the minimally entangled typical thermal states (METTS) algorithm is to approximate thermal expectation values $\langle \hat{O} \rangle_\beta$ by sampling pure quantum states that have two favorable properties. They represent well the physical properties of the system for the given temperature, and the entanglement of the states is relatively low which makes DMRG calculations efficient.
Expressing the trace for the thermal expectation value using some orthonormal basis $\{|{\vec{n}}\rangle\}$ of product states
\begin{equation}\label{eq:METTSbasis}
|{\vec{n}}\rangle = \bigotimes_i|n_i\rangle,
\end{equation}
where $|n_i\rangle$ are (arbitrary) orthonormal basis states for lattice site $i$, we have
\begin{equation}\label{eq:METTStrace}
\langle \hat{O} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta} \sum_{\vec{n}} \langle {\vec{n}}|\mathrm{e}^{-\beta \hat{H}} \hat{O} |{\vec{n}}\rangle.
\end{equation}
Defining the METTS $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ and their probabilities $P_{\vec{n}}$,
\begin{equation}
|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle := \frac{1}{\sqrt{P_{\vec{n}}}}\mathrm{e}^{-\beta \hat{H}/2}|{\vec{n}}\rangle,\quad
P_{\vec{n}}:= \langle {\vec{n}} | \mathrm{e}^{-\beta \hat{H}} | {\vec{n}}\rangle,
\end{equation}
the thermal average reads
\begin{equation}\label{eq:METTS_expectation}
\langle \hat{O} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta} \sum_{\vec{n}} P_{\vec{n}} \langle \phi_{\vec{n}}|\hat{O}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle.
\end{equation}
Thus, by sampling the states $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ according to the probability distribution $P_{\vec{n}}/Z_\beta$, we can approximate $\langle \hat{O} \rangle_\beta$ by averaging over $\langle \phi_{\vec{n}} |\hat{O}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$. The computation cost of DMRG is directly related to the entanglement of the quantum state (see appendix~\ref{Appx:Computation_cost}). Hence, product states \eqref{eq:METTSbasis} are a natural choice because their entanglement entropy is zero and it remains reasonably low during imaginary-time evolution. The sampling is accomplished efficiently by generating a Markov chain of METTS as illustrated in Fig.~\ref{fig:SchematicMETTSSampling}. An arbitrary initial product state $|{\vec{n}}\rangle$ is evolved in imaginary time to obtain the METTS $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$. (See appendix~\ref{Appx:Truncations} for details on the tDMRG evolution.) Then, the METTS is collapsed through a projective measurement of the operator $\sum_{{\vec{n}}'}|{\vec{n}}'\rangle\langle{\vec{n}}'|$, yielding a new product state $|{\vec{n}}'\rangle$ with probability $p_{{\vec{n}}'{\vec{n}}}:=|\langle{\vec{n}}'|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle|^2$ from which one subsequently computes $|\phi_{{\vec{n}}'}\rangle$ and so on. The transition probabilities obey detailed balance
\begin{equation}
p_{{\vec{n}}'{\vec{n}}}P_{\vec{n}}=|\langle{\vec{n}}'|\mathrm{e}^{-\beta\hat{H}/2}|{\vec{n}}\rangle|^2=p_{{\vec{n}}\vn'}P_{{\vec{n}}'}
\end{equation}
such that the desired distribution $P_{\vec{n}}$ is indeed the fixed point of this Markov process.
Note that the projective measurement, $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle\to |{\vec{n}}'\rangle$, can be carried out sequentially, site by site. Starting at some site $i$, we go from $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ to $|n'_i\rangle\langle n'_i|\cdot|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle/\sqrt{\pi(n'_i)}$ with probability $\pi(n'_i):=\normS{\langle n'_i|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle}^2$. Measuring subsequently on site $j$, we go to $|n'_i n'_j\rangle\langle n'_i n'_j|\cdot|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle/\sqrt{\pi(n'_i)\pi(n'_j|n'_i)}$ with probability $\pi(n'_j|n'_i):=\normS{\langle n'_i n'_j|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle}^2/\pi(n'_i)$ such that, in the end, we arrive at state $|{\vec{n}}'\rangle$ indeed with probability
\begin{equation*}
p_{{\vec{n}}'{\vec{n}}}=\pi(n'_i)\pi(n'_j|n'_i)\pi(n'_k|n'_in'_j)\dotsc =|\langle{\vec{n}}'|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle|^2.
\end{equation*}
Due to this, the projective measurement of MPS $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ can be done efficiently in a single sweep through the lattice \cite{White2009-102,Stoudenmire2010-12}.
\begin{figure}
\label{fig:SchematicMETTSSampling}
\includegraphics[width = \columnwidth]{fig001}
\caption{METTS algorithm for the evaluation of static observables. A product state $|{\vec{n}}\rangle$ is evolved in imaginary time up to $\tau=\beta/2$ and normalized to obtain the METTS sample $|\phi_{{\vec{n}}}\rangle$. A projective measurement with transition probabilities $p_{{\vec{n}}'{\vec{n}}}=|\langle{\vec{n}}'|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle|^2$ yields a new product state $|{\vec{n}}'\rangle$ which is again evolved in imaginary time etc. Observables are evaluated by averaging the expectation values obtained from the samples.}
\end{figure}
In order to ensure ergodicity and reduce autocorrelation times, it is useful to switch between different measurement bases $\{|{\vec{n}}^{(k)}\rangle\}$ during the sampling. Details on this and our corresponding choice are described in appendix~\ref{Appx:METTS_collapse}.
\subsection{Errors: Statistics, truncations, and Trotter} \label{Sec:METTS_StatisticsVsTrunc}
\begin{figure}[t]
\label{fig:convergence}
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{fig002}
\caption{Convergence of the METTS algorithm for the static correlation function $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{3}\hat{S}^{+}_{0} \rangle_\beta$ in an XX chain [$\Delta=0$ in Eq.~\eqref{eq:H_XXZ}] of length $L=64$ at $\beta = 4$. The figure shows the errors for different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ as a function of the number of samples (top) and as a function of the computation cost (bottom).}
\end{figure}
There are two error sources for the evolution of MPS in the framework of tDMRG as described in appendix~\ref{Appx:Truncations}. The first is due to truncations of low-weight terms in the Schmidt decomposition of the wavefunction. This error is well-controlled by the truncation threshold (we call it $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}}$ for purifications and $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ for METTS) which bounds, in every time step, the two-norm deviation $\normS{\psi_{\operatorname{trunc}} - \psi}$ of the truncated MPS from the exactly evolved state. We implement tDMRG using fourth-order Trotter-Suzuki decompositions of the evolution operators with time steps $\Delta t$ of size $0.125$ for purifications and $0.05$ for METTS ($\hbar=1$). These are the second error source. The resulting errors of order $\Delta t^5$ can only become relevant for very large times and we made sure that they are never dominant for the presented data. Additionally, the accuracy of the METTS sampling algorithm is influenced by a third error source -- the statistical error that depends on the number of samples $N$ used for averaging.
Fig.~\ref{fig:convergence} illustrates the interplay of statistical errors and truncation errors in a METTS computation of the correlator $\langle S^{-}_{3} S^{+}_{0}\rangle_\beta$ for the exactly solvable 1D XX model [$\Delta=0$ in Eq.~\eqref{eq:H_XXZ}] at inverse temperature $\beta=4$. The exact solution is shortly described in appendix~\ref{Appx:ReferenceData}. The top panel shows the convergence of the METTS algorithm for different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ as a function of the number of samples. For low sample numbers, the statistical error dominates and the truncation error is negligible. Autocorrelation times between subsequent samples are short and the statistical error is to a good approximation proportional to $1/\sqrt{N}$ and independent of the truncation threshold.
Once the sample number reaches a certain $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$-dependent threshold, the statistical error has reduced to a magnitude that is comparable to the error induced by the truncations. The curves begin to level out as the relative contribution of the truncation error grows. At a certain point, further samples will not enhance the accuracy of the simulation as the truncations prevent further convergence to the correct value. Of course, the less we truncate (the lower $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ is), the longer the $1/\sqrt{N}$-convergence persists.
The truncation affects the accuracy in two ways. As every METTS is approximated by a truncated MPS, the values one obtains for each sample are not exact. Additionally, the produced samples will not correspond exactly to the correct probability distribution $P_n$ of Eq.~\eqref{eq:METTS_expectation}. This is because the transition probabilities depend on the samples and are thus also affected by the truncations.
While lowering the truncation threshold $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ yields more accurate results, it also increases the computation cost per sample. In the lower panel of Fig.~\ref{fig:convergence}, we present the same errors of the METTS algorithm as in the top panel, but here as a function of the total computation cost which we quantify in an implementation-independent way as described in appendix~\ref{Appx:Computation_cost}. This shifts the simulations with lower truncation thresholds and thus more costly samples to the right. Whereas, for a fixed number of samples (top panel), the accuracy is a monotonic function of $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$, this is not necessarily so for fixed total computation cost (lower panel). When plotted against the total computation costs, accuracy curves of METTS simulations with different $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ have crossings. For practical simulations, it is therefore important to choose the truncation threshold such that the two error sources are balanced. In the lower panel of Fig.~\ref{fig:convergence}, one can easily read of the truncation threshold that is optimal for a given computation cost. While the optimal truncation threshold depends on the specific system studied and the observable that is evaluated, it generally shifts towards lower values of $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ with increasing total computation cost.
\subsection{Exploiting self-averaging} \label{Sec:METTS_SelfAverage}
\begin{figure}[t]
\label{fig:SelfAveraging}
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{fig003}
\caption{Reducing statistical errors in the METTS algorithm by self-averaging. Shown are errors for the correlator $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i} \hat{S}^{+}_{0}\rangle_\beta$ in an XXZ chain \eqref{eq:H_XXZ} of length $L=64$ at inverse temperature $\beta = 4$. Fixing the truncation threshold to $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}} = 10^{-12}$ and the number of samples to $N=100,400$, the correlator was estimated by averaging over $L'=1$, $4$ or $16$ central sites, respectively.}
\end{figure}
If the considered model is translation invariant, we are free to choose an arbitrary position in the lattice for the evaluation of an observable. While the average of these expectation values will converge to the correct result independent of the position, a single METTS sample itself is not translation invariant. We can thus exploit self-averaging to reduce statistical errors in the METTS algorithm. For a correlation length $\xi$, averaging a local observable $\langle\hat{O}_{x_{0}}\rangle_\beta$ over a block of $L'$ sites $x_{0}$ corresponds for high and intermediate temperatures to $\mc{O}(L'/\xi)$ statistically independent samples. Therefore, we can expect that the statistical METTS errors reduce by a factor of order $\sqrt{\xi/L'}$. For systems with open boundary conditions, one has to restrict the averaging to sites $x_{0}$ with a sufficient distance from the boundaries.
We illustrate the effect for the spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain in Fig.~\ref{fig:SelfAveraging}, by averaging the correlator $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{x_0+i} \hat{S}^{+}_{x_0}\rangle_\beta$ over different numbers $L'$ of central sites $x_0$ and comparing the result to quasi-exact purification data (see appendix~\ref{Appx:ReferenceData}). The observed error reduction is of the expected order of magnitude. For $\Delta=3$ and $\beta=4$, the impact of self-averaging is rather small for short distances $i$. This is due to the fact that, in this case, the temperature is already well below the gap (cf.\ Table~\ref{tab:gaps}) and all excitations occurring in the METTS are of long wavelength. Hence, short-range correlations in the METTS are almost translation invariant.
As the additional computation cost for the spatial averaging of time-local observables (in equilibrium or quench dynamics) is negligible, it is advisable to enhance the METTS accuracy through the self-averaging whenever finite-size effects are well-controlled. Spatial averaging in the evaluation of response function would however require additional real-time evolutions and seems hence not useful.
\section{Comparison for static correlators} \label{Sec:Statics}
\begin{figure*}[t]
\center
\label{fig:XXZ-static}
\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{fig004}
\caption{ Comparing accuracies of METTS and purifications for the static correlation function $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}\hat{S}^{+}_{0} \rangle_\beta$ in a spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain \eqref{eq:H_XXZ} of length $L=64$ at inverse temperatures $\beta = 4$, $16$. Site $i=0$ is at the center of the chain. The columns refer to the non-interacting case ($\Delta=0$, left), the isotropic Heisenberg antiferromagnet ($\Delta=1$, center) and the gapped N\'{e}el phase ($\Delta=3$, right). The top panels show the (quasi-)exact expectation values. Below we compare the errors of the purification with truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}} = 10^{-10}$, $10^{-12}$ to several METTS simulations with different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$. All curves in a given panel that refer to the same temperature share the same computation cost. The corresponding METTS sample set sizes and bond dimensions are specified in Table~\ref{tab:NumberMETTS-XXZ}.}
\end{figure*}
\subsection{Procedures to compare efficiencies} \label{Sec:Efficiency}
In this section we compare the efficiencies of METTS and matrix product purifications, by studying accuracies of static thermal correlation functions for fixed computation costs. To this purpose, accuracies are quantified by the deviations of the obtained expectation values from exact or quasi-exact data as described in appendix~\ref{Appx:ReferenceData}. For the error of $N$ METTS, we generate several sets of $N$ subsequent samples, and take the root mean square of the average deviations from the reference data in each set. The computation cost is quantified in a largely implementation- and platform-independent way as a function of the MPS bond dimensions $D_i=D_i(\beta,t)$ as detailed in appendix~\ref{Appx:Computation_cost}. For METTS, we average the computation costs of the sample sets.
To take the interplay between statistical and truncation errors (section~\ref{Sec:METTS_StatisticsVsTrunc}) into account in the assessment of the performances of METTS and purifications, we proceed as follows. We choose a truncation threshold $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}}$ for the purification and determine the theoretical computation cost of the simulation. Then we produce METTS samples, using different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$, and fix the sample set size $N$ for each $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ by the quotient of the purification cost and the average cost per METTS sample such that, for each truncation threshold, the total computation costs of both methods are equal. In the figures, we only present the results for the truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ that yield the best results, i.e., those $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ that approximately minimize the error for fixed computation cost, as well as the results for two nearby values of $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$.
Setting the total computation costs of both methods equal, ignores that METTS simulations can be parallelized more easily than purification simulations, by generating independent Markov chains on different computing nodes. However, this can be easily taken into account. To reduce the METTS errors, as presented in the following, by an order of magnitude, one has to increase the number of employed computing nodes by at least a factor of 100. This assumes that the extent of thermalization phases at the beginnings of the Markov chains is negligible, and the factor 100 is a lower bound because one also needs to decrease $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ (hence, increasing the computation cost per METTS) when the statistical error is being reduced.
\begin{figure*}[t]
\label{fig:Bose-Hubbard}
\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{fig005}
\caption{Comparing accuracies of METTS and purifications for the static correlation function $\langle \hat{b}^{\dagger}_{0} \hat{b}_{i} \rangle_\beta$ in the 1D Bose-Hubbard model \eqref{eq:H_BH} of length $L=32$ at inverse temperatures $\beta=4$, $16$ with $\mu=0.5$ and $U=1$. The local Hilbert spaces were truncated to a maximum of five bosons per site, and site $i=0$ is at the center of the chain. The columns refer to the Mott-insulating phase ($J/U = 0.09375$, left) with one boson per site in the ground state, the phase boundary ($J/U = 0.125$, center) and the superfluid phase ($J/U = 0.25$, right). The corresponding METTS sample set sizes and bond dimensions are specified in Table~\ref{tab:NumberMETTS-BH}.}
\end{figure*}
\subsection{Spin-\texorpdfstring{$1/2$}{1\textfractionsolidus 2} XXZ chain} \label{Sec:XXZ}
For the spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain \cite{Bethe1931,Cloizeaux1966-7,Mikeska2004} with Hamiltonian
\begin{equation}\label{eq:H_XXZ}
\hat{H} = \sum_i \left\{ \frac{1}{2} \left( \hat{S}^{+}_{i} \hat{S}^{-}_{i+1} + \hat{S}^{-}_{i} \hat{S}^{+}_{i+1} \right) + \Delta \hat{S}^{z}_{i} \hat{S}^{z}_{i+1} \right\},
\end{equation}
let us consider three values of the anisotropy parameter: the exactly solvable non-interacting case $\Delta=0$ and the isotropic Heisenberg antiferromagnet at $\Delta=1$, which are both critical (gapless), as well as the point $\Delta=3$ in the gapped N\'{e}el phase. The lattice has size $L$ and site $i=0$ is at the center of the chain. We apply the METTS and purification algorithms, as described in sections~\ref{Sec:Purification} and \ref{Sec:METTSalgo}, to compute the static correlation function $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i} \hat{S}^{+}_{0} \rangle_\beta$ at inverse temperatures $\beta=4$ and $16$.
Fig.~\ref{fig:XXZ-static} displays the accuracies of both methods for fixed values of the total computation cost. The columns refer to the three values of the anisotropy parameter $\Delta$. The top panels present the absolute value of the quasi-exact correlation function $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}\hat{S}^{+}_{0} \rangle_\beta$. The panels below display the errors of the purification simulations with $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}} = 10^{-10}$ and $10^{-12}$ and the errors of several METTS simulations with different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$. All curves that appear within a panel and refer to the same temperature are based on simulations of equal total computation costs. For each panel, the METTS truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ are chosen such that, for the largest $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$, the truncation error dominates; for the lowest, the statistical error dominates; and for the intermediate $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$, statistical and truncation errors are balanced in an optimal way such that the error is (approximately) minimized for the given computation cost.
For almost all parameters, the matrix product purification simulations yield more accurate results than the best METTS computations. For $\beta=4$, the errors of the methods differ by up to a few orders of magnitude. When lowering the temperature, entanglement and correlation lengths increase. The increased absolute value of the correlation function is reflected in a correspondingly larger absolute error for the simulations based on purifications. The efficiency of the METTS sampling can increase when lowering the temperatures, especially when it gets sufficiently below the energy gap $\Delta E$. In this case, the dimension of the relevant state space to be sampled by METTS is strongly reduced and hence is the statistical error. This is confirmed for the lower temperature $\beta=16$ in Fig.~\ref{fig:XXZ-static}. For the critical (gapless) systems, the purification approach is still more precise. For the gapped system ($\Delta=3$), the temperature is with $\beta=16$ already substantially below the energy gap, $\beta\Delta E_{\Delta=3}\sim 10$ (cf.\ Table~\ref{tab:gaps}), and METTS can in this case indeed outperform the matrix product purification.
That METTS can become more efficient than the purification is most obvious for the limit $\beta\to \infty$. In this case, every METTS $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ for which the initial state $|{\vec{n}}\rangle$ has nonzero overlap with a ground state will simply be this ground state, $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle=|{\mathrm{gs}}\rangle$ (up to truncation errors). The purification, on the other hand, evolves to the purification $|{\mathrm{gs}}\rangle\otimes|{\mathrm{gs}}\rangle_{\mathrm{aux}}$ of the ground state density matrix $|{\mathrm{gs}}\rangle\langle {\mathrm{gs}}|$. As the tensor product of two MPS of bond dimension $D$ is an MPS with bond dimension $D^2$, for the same accuracy, $\beta\to\infty$ computation costs for the METTS are reduced by roughly a factor of $D^3$ \footnote{Computation costs for DMRG simulations with open boundary conditions scale as $D^3$ with the bond dimension $D$.}.
\begin{table}[b]
\label{tab:gaps}
\begin{spacing}{1.2}
Spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain\\[0.4em]
\begin{tabular}{@{\quad}l@{\quad}|@{\quad}c@{\quad}c@{\quad}c@{\quad}}
&$\Delta=0$ &$\Delta=1$ &$\Delta=3$\\ \hline
$\Delta E_{L=32}$&$0.0475(8)$ &$0.1177(4)$ &$0.6521(9)$\\
$\Delta E_{L=64}$&$0.0241(6)$ &$0.0617(6)$ &$0.6242(5)$
\end{tabular}\\[1.2em]
1D Bose-Hubbard model\\[0.4em]
\begin{tabular}{@{\quad}l@{\quad}|@{\quad}c@{\quad}c@{\quad}c@{\quad}}
&$J=0.09375$ &$J=0.125$ &$J=0.25$\\ \hline
$\Delta E_{L=32}$&$0.1415(6)$ &$0.032(6)$ &$0.0134(4)$\\
$\Delta E_{L=64}$&$0.1395(2)$ &$0.0291(6)$ &$0.0005(0)$
\end{tabular}
\end{spacing}
\caption{Energy gaps to the first excited state for the spin-$1/2$ XXZ model \eqref{eq:H_XXZ} and the Bose-Hubbard model \eqref{eq:H_BH}, determined by DMRG.}
\end{table}
The error of the purification changes significantly as a function of the distance $i$. Here, the deviation from the (quasi)-exact reference data is mainly due to the truncations. Generally, when we evaluate a correlator based on a truncated matrix product state, the error can grow at short distances, reaching an $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}}$-dependent maximum, before starting to decay as the absolute value of the correlator itself becomes very small. On the other hand, METTS simulation errors often remain constant at large distances. Even for the exponentially decaying correlation functions, the METTS error stays well above zero. This is clearly a signature of the statistical error. Cases where the METTS error decays with distance, are usually situations where the truncation error dominates over the statistical error. For the computation costs chosen in our study, this is seen for temperatures well below the energy gap, but one can also observe this behavior when choosing very large truncation thresholds.
Finally, let us shortly discuss an ergodicity issue in the gapped N\'{e}el phase. For $\beta=16$, the system is essentially in its ground state. Hence, the weight of the two degenerate N\'{e}el states in the thermal state becomes significant. The purified state still obeys the $Z_2$ symmetry. Every METTS sample is some linear combination of the ground states. Depending on the choice of the collapse basis $\{|{\vec{n}}\rangle\}$, severe ergodicity problems can occur in the METTS algorithm. As can be shown, even for the rotation-symmetric random bases that we use (described in appendix~\ref{Appx:METTS_collapse}) and which seem to have very good ergodicity properties at first sight, the transition probabilities from one of the degenerate ground states to the other decay exponentially in the system size $L$. Several remedies are available. One can for example avoid this issue by symmetrizing every METTS before measurements. However, in the case of response functions (see section~\ref{Sec:Response}), this would require an additional real-time evolution and, hence, roughly a doubling of the costs. Alternatively, one could, e.g., use the $\hat{S}^x$ and the $\hat{S}^y$ eigenbases for the METTS collapse. Here, we decided to keep the random collapse bases and implicitly average over the two N\'{e}el states by using symmetrized observables; for $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}(t)\hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta$, according to
\begin{equation*}
\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}(t)\hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta + \langle \hat{S}^{+}_{i}(t)\hat{S}^{-}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta
= 4 \langle \hat{S}^{x}_{i}(t)\hat{S}^{x}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta,
\end{equation*}
such that the measurement is not sensitive to the broken symmetry.
\subsection{1D Bose-Hubbard model} \label{Sec:Bose-Hubbard}
The Hamiltonian of the one-dimensional (1D) Bose-Hubbard model \cite{Kuehner1998-58,Jaksch1998-81} is given by
\begin{equation}\label{eq:H_BH}
\hat{H} = \sum_{i} \left\{-J \left( \hat{b}^{\dagger}_{i} \hat{b}_{i+1} + \mathrm{h.c.} \right) + \frac{U}{2} \hat{n}_{i}(\hat{n}_{i}-1) - \mu \hat{n}_{i}\right\}
\end{equation}
with ladder operators $\hat{b}_{i}$ obeying $[\hat{b}_i^{\phantom{\dag}},\hat{b}_j^\dag]=\delta_{ij}$ and the number operators $\hat{n}_{i} = \hat{b}^{\dagger}_{i}\hat{b}_{i}$, hopping $J$, onsite interaction $U$, and chemical potential $\mu$.
We set $\mu=0.5$ and $U=1$, and consider three values of the hopping parameter. $J=0.09375$ corresponds to the Mott-insulating phase with one particle per site, $J=0.125$ places the system close to the phase boundary between the Mott-insulating and the superfluid phase, and $J=0.25$ lies in the superfluid phase. In Fig.~\ref{fig:Bose-Hubbard}, we show the comparison between METTS and purifications for the Bose-Hubbard model at $\beta=4$ and $\beta=16$. Again, all curves in a given panel that refer to the same temperature share the same computation cost. In general, the results are similar to those for the XXZ model. However, the differences between the METTS and purifications errors are larger in the comparison for the Bose-Hubbard model. This can be explained with the smaller energy gaps, compared to those in the spin-$1/2$ XXZ model. See Table~\ref{tab:gaps}. For the Bose-Hubbard model at the specified points in the phase diagram, errors of the METTS simulations exceed those of purification simulations by two to three orders of magnitude.
\section{Algorithms for response functions} \label{Sec:Response}
The matrix product purification and METTS methods, as described in sections~\ref{Sec:Purification} and \ref{Sec:METTSalgo}, can be extended to the computation of thermal response functions
\begin{equation}\label{eq:responseFct}
\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y}\rangle_\beta\equiv \frac{1}{Z_\beta}\operatorname{Tr}({\hat{\rho}}_\beta \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y})
\end{equation}
with $\hat{X}(t)\equiv \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{X} \mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}$.
For purifications, several schemes have been suggested and analyzed \cite{Barthel2009-79b,Karrasch2012-108,Barthel2012_12,Barthel2013-15}. They have different properties concerning the dependence of computation costs on $\beta$ and $t$. According to the naming introduced in Refs.~\cite{Barthel2012_12,Barthel2013-15}, we address below computation schemes A, B, and C, introduce corresponding schemes for the METTS framework, and discuss their properties.
\begin{figure}[t]
\center
\label{fig:SchemeResponse}
\includegraphics[width = 0.9\columnwidth]{fig006}
\caption{The METTS scheme for the evaluation of response functions used in this work (scheme A). We carry out two independent tDMRG-simulations with the METTS sample $|\phi_{{\vec{n}}}\rangle$ and the state $\hat{Y} |\phi_{{\vec{n}}}\rangle$ as initial MPS. At intermediate times $t_1, t_2, \dotsc$ we insert operators $\hat{X}_i$ to evaluate. The values obtained need to be averaged over all METTS samples.}
\end{figure}
In Refs.~\cite{Barthel2012_12,Barthel2013-15}, further optimizable classes of schemes have been studied. In comparison to the near-optimal scheme C, they allow to substantially reduce computation costs, for example, for systems with separated energy scales. As there is probably no useful adaption of them for METTS, they will not be addressed here. In related work, Pi\v{z}orn et al.\ \cite{Pizorn2014-16} recently discussed the option of working, for matrix product purifications (equivalently, one can think in terms of matrix product operators \cite{Barthel2013-15}), in the Heisenberg picture, i.e., to compute the vectorization $|X^\dag(t)\rangle$ of the evolved operator $\hat{X}^\dag(t)$ and the vectorization $|\rho_{\beta}\rangle$ of the thermal state ${\hat{\rho}}_\beta$ to then obtain $\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y}\rangle_\beta=\langle X^\dag(t)|\hat{Y}|\rho_{\beta}\rangle/Z_\beta$. One may notice that this is just a special case of the class of optimizable schemes suggested in Eq.~(9) of Ref.~\cite{Barthel2012_12} or Eq.~(18) of Ref.~\cite{Barthel2013-15}. We will not discuss it further because this Heisenberg picture scheme is in general computationally suboptimal and has no direct METTS equivalent. Specifically, the cost analysis in Refs.~\cite{Barthel2012_12,Barthel2013-15} suggests that the Heisenberg picture scheme will typically reach half the maximum times that can be reached by the optimized schemes or the near-optimal scheme C to be described below.
\subsection{The simple scheme A}
\begin{figure}[t]
\center
\label{fig:SchemesCost}
\includegraphics[width = \columnwidth]{fig007}
\caption{Computation costs for different evaluation schemes in the METTS algorithm. For the isotropic Heisenberg antiferromagnet ($\Delta=1$) at inverse temperatures $\beta=4$ (left) and $16$ (right), we show the average cost per sample of the real-time evolution for the evaluation of $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{0}(t) \hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle$ in schemes A, B and C (system size $L=32$, truncation threshold $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}=10^{-10}$).}
\end{figure}
Starting from the matrix product purification $|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle$ [Eq.~\eqref{eq:purify2}] of the density matrix ${\hat{\rho}}_\beta$, according to evaluation scheme A \cite{Barthel2009-79b} for the response function \eqref{eq:responseFct}, we first compute matrix product representations of $\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}|\rho_\beta\rangle$ and $\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{Y}|\rho_\beta\rangle$ using tDMRG. The response function is then given by the matrix element
\begin{equation}\label{eq:schemeA-MPS}
\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta}\big[ \langle \rho_{\beta/2}|\mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t} \big] \hat{X} \big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{Y}|\rho_{\beta/2}\rangle \big].
\end{equation}
The vectorization \eqref{eq:vectorize} of operators corresponds to the isomorphism between the space $\mc{B}(\mc{H})$ of linear maps on the physical Hilbert space $\mc{H}$ and the tensor product space $\mc{H}\otimes \mc{H}_{\mathrm{aux}}$. It allows us to formulate equivalently (and more intuitively) scheme A in terms of matrix product operators (MPOs). Indicating MPOs with square brackets, scheme A reads in this representation simply
\begin{equation}\label{eq:schemeA-MPO}
\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta}\operatorname{Tr}\left( \big[ {\hat{\rho}}_{\beta/2} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\big] \hat{X} \big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{Y}{\hat{\rho}}_{\beta/2}\big]\right).
\end{equation}
As done in Eqs.~\eqref{eq:schemeA-MPS} and \eqref{eq:schemeA-MPO}, the evolved MPS or MPOs that are used for the evaluation of the response function are always indicated by square brackets in the following.
The METTS equivalent of scheme A is illustrated in Fig.~\ref{fig:SchemeResponse}. For every sample $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$, we compute
\begin{equation} \label{eq:schemeA-METTS}
\big[\langle \phi_{\vec{n}}|\mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\big]\hat{X}\big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{Y}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle \big]
\end{equation}
using real-time evolution and then average over the values obtained for each sample. In practice this means that we have to carry out two independent tDMRG simulations, using $|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ and $\hat{Y}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle$ as initial states, up to some maximum time. At any intermediate time-point that we are interested in, we can evaluate the response function $\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y} \rangle_\beta$ -- even for a set of operators $\{\hat{X}_i\}$ if we wish.
\subsection{Scheme B is not useful for METTS}
In the context of matrix product purifications, we have the alternative scheme B \cite{Karrasch2012-108} which reads in the MPO representation
\begin{equation}\label{eq:schemeB-MPO}
\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta}\operatorname{Tr}\left( \big[ {\hat{\rho}}_{\beta/2}\big] \hat{X} \big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{Y} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}{\hat{\rho}}_{\beta/2}\big]\right).
\end{equation}
In comparison to scheme A \eqref{eq:schemeA-MPO}, it corresponds to shifting $\exp(\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t)$ from the first to the second MPO. In Ref.~\cite{Barthel2013-15}, it was explained why this scheme has some advantages at higher temperatures and disadvantages at lower temperatures. The METTS equivalent would be to compute
\begin{equation} \label{eq:schemeB-METTS}
\big[\langle \phi_{\vec{n}}|\big]\hat{X}\big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}\hat{Y} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle \big].
\end{equation}
As exemplified in Fig.~\ref{fig:SchemesCost} and explained in the following, its computation costs are unfortunately strictly higher than those of scheme A \eqref{eq:schemeA-METTS}. Both schemes share the cost for computing $[\mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle]$. In scheme A, the evolution of $[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t'}\hat{Y}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle]$ for $t'=0\to t$ has usually about the same cost, and the entanglement in both states increases typically linearly with $t'$ everywhere in the system, reaching some value $\mc{E}_t$. In scheme B \eqref{eq:schemeB-METTS}, the required evolution of $[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t'}\hat{Y} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle]$ for $t'=0\to t$ starts with the high entanglement value $\mc{E}_t$. Due to quasi-locality \cite{Nachtergaele2007-12a,Barthel2012-108b}, the entanglement will then reduce in regions of the lattice that are at sufficient distance from the spatial support of operator $\hat{Y}$. It will however remain high or even increase in the vicinity of $\hat{Y}$.
\subsection{Reaching longer times with scheme C}
\begin{figure*}[p]
\label{fig:XXZ-t}
\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{fig008}
\caption{Comparing METTS and purifications for the finite-temperature response function $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}(t)\hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta$ in the spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain at (a) $t=2.5$ and (b) $t=10$. In the top panels, we show the (quasi-)exact real and imaginary part of the response function. Below we compare the errors as in Fig.~\ref{fig:XXZ-static}. The system size was set to $L=32$ and evaluation scheme A was used.}
\end{figure*}
Among the classes of optimizable evaluation schemes studied in Refs.~\cite{Barthel2012_12,Barthel2013-15}, the
near-optimal scheme C was found to be very useful and reaches about twice the maximum times reachable with schemes A and B. In the MPO representation, it reads
\begin{multline}\label{eq:schemeC-MPO}
\langle \hat{X}(t)\hat{Y} \rangle_\beta = \frac{1}{Z_\beta}\operatorname{Tr}\Big( \big[ {\hat{\rho}}_{\beta/2} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2} \hat{X} \mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}\big] \\
\times\big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}\hat{Y} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}{\hat{\rho}}_{\beta/2}\big]\Big).
\end{multline}
In a similar way, we can compute the response function with METTS, by averaging over
\begin{equation} \label{eq:schemeC-METTS}
\big[\langle \phi_{\vec{n}}|\mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}\hat{X} \mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}\big]\,\big[\mathrm{e}^{-\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}\hat{Y} \mathrm{e}^{\mathrm{i}\hat{H} t/2}|\phi_{\vec{n}}\rangle \big]
\end{equation}
which makes it possible to reach, for the same computational resources, times approximately twice as big as in scheme A.
\subsection{Comparison}
Due to the cyclic property of the trace and the (trivial) fact that the evolution operators commute with density matrices ${\hat{\rho}}_\beta$, the results of all three schemes converge up to differences in truncation and Trotter errors (see appendix~\ref{Appx:Truncations}) to the same thermal average \eqref{eq:responseFct}. As the truncations in the real-time evolutions are well controlled, the errors of the simulations based on different schemes do not differ significantly if all other parameters are left unchanged. Statistical errors can however differ somewhat \footnote{For operators $\hat{Y}=\hat{X}^\dag$ and Hamiltonians which are real in the chosen onsite basis, the distribution of individual METTS measurement results in schemes A and B will be the same, as the observable $\hat{X}(t) \hat{X}^\dag(0)$, evaluated in scheme A, is then just the transpose of $\hat{X}(0) \hat{X}^\dag(-t)$, evaluated in scheme B. In general, the distribution of individual measurement results and hence the statistical errors of schemes A, B, and C can differ.}. Fig.~\ref{fig:SchemesCost} compares the computation costs of the different evaluation schemes in the METTS algorithm for an autocorrelation function in the isotropic Heisenberg antiferromagnet [$\Delta=1$ in Eq.~\eqref{eq:H_XXZ}]. While scheme B proves to be the least efficient for the parameters considered here, scheme C indeed reduces the computation costs significantly and thus allows for the evaluation of longer maximum times with METTS.
Nevertheless, we choose to use scheme A in this work because it allows to evaluate response functions $\langle \hat{X}_i(t)\hat{Y} \rangle_\beta$ for a whole set of operators $\{\hat{X}_i\}$ and all times $t$ (up to the maximum reachable time) with only two tDMRG runs per METTS sample. This is very useful for the analysis of response functions like $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}(t)\hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta$, studied in section~\ref{Sec:ResponseXXZ}. In contrast, scheme C requires, for every METTS sample, separate tDMRG runs for every required time $t$ and operator $\hat{X}_i$. This is also a drawback in comparison to scheme C for purifications [Eq.~\eqref{eq:schemeC-MPO}], where one obtains results for all times $t$ with only two tDMRG runs.
\section{Response in the spin-\texorpdfstring{$1/2$}{1\textfractionsolidus 2} XXZ chain} \label{Sec:ResponseXXZ}
\begin{figure*}[t]
\label{fig:time-dependence}
\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{fig009}
\caption{Time-dependence of errors and computation costs for the spin-$1/2$ XXZ chain of length $L=32$ at $\Delta=0$ and $\beta=16$. The columns refer to different truncation thresholds in the METTS algorithm. The top panels show the errors for the calculation of $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{0}(t) \hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta$ based on different sample numbers in the METTS algorithm and different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}}$ in the purification. In the lower panels, the corresponding computation costs are presented.}
\end{figure*}
Fig.~\ref{fig:XXZ-t} compares the accuracies of the response function $\langle \hat{S}^{-}_{i}(t) \hat{S}^{+}_{0}(0) \rangle_\beta$ in the XXZ chain as computed via METTS and purification simulations for times $t=2.5$ and $10$. The structure of the plots is as in Fig.~\ref{fig:XXZ-static}, i.e.~the columns again refer to the three values of the anisotropy parameter $\Delta=0,1,3$ already considered in section~\ref{Sec:XXZ} and all curves that appear within a panel and refer to the same temperature are based on simulations with the same total computation costs. As the thermal response functions are complex-valued, we show both the real and the imaginary part of the (quasi-)exact results.
Generally, the error curves closely resemble the results we obtained for the computation of static correlators in Fig.~\ref{fig:XXZ-static}. The purifications are more efficient than METTS except for the gapped system ($\Delta=3$) at the low temperature $\beta=16$.
Fig.~\ref{fig:time-dependence} displays the errors and computation costs of both methods as a function of time $t$ in the evaluation of response functions for $\Delta=0$ at inverse temperature $\beta=16$. Each column refers to a truncation threshold $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ for the METTS algorithm and shows the errors (top) and computation costs (bottom) for different numbers of samples. The purification errors and costs of three different truncation thresholds $\epsilon_{\mathrm{P}}$ are shown in each column.
The convergence of the METTS errors is clearly reminding of the behavior shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:convergence}. As a function of the number of samples, the error is approximately proportional to $1/\sqrt{N}$, until it saturates to an $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$-dependent threshold that can be lowered by decreasing the truncation threshold.
The exponentially growing computation costs in both the METTS approach as well as the matrix product purification approach limit the reachable maximum times, i.e., at least qualitatively, METTS seem to have no favorable properties in this respect.
\section{Conclusions and discussion} \label{Sec:Conclusion}
We have studied properties of the METTS algorithm. There is an interplay of statistical and DMRG truncation errors that one should take into account for efficient simulations. While the optimal truncation threshold $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ for METTS depends on the specific system studied and the observable that is evaluated, it generally shifts towards lower values of $\epsilon_{\mathrm{M}}$ with increasing total computation cost. As demonstrated, one can also exploit self-averaging of (approximately) translation invariant systems to reduce statistical errors in METTS simulations for static observables.
We have presented a simple scheme for the evaluation of response functions using METTS and two more elaborate schemes, one of which gives access to longer maximum times but needs a separate simulation for every required point in time.
For spin-$1/2$ XXZ chains and the 1D Bose-Hubbard model, we have compared the accuracies and computation costs of the METTS and purification approaches for the evaluation of finite-temperature correlation and response functions. For almost all cases considered here, we found in contrast to indications and expectations expressed in the earlier literature that, for the same total computation cost, the purification approach yields more accurate results than METTS -- often by orders of magnitude. METTS become more efficient only for temperatures well below the energy gap of the system ($\beta\Delta E\gtrsim 10$ in our case). For both methods, we have discussed the temperature dependence of the accuracies, and for correlators also their distance dependence.
It would be interesting to investigate further whether other DMRG approaches for the low-temperature regime, such as computations based on the ground state and a few excited states or a sampling that is restricted to the complement of the ground state space, could outperform the METTS in these cases.
\addtocontents{toc}{\SkipTocEntry}
\begin{acknowledgments}
We gratefully acknowledge discussions with U.\ Schollw\"ock, S.~R.\ White, and M.\ Zvonarev.
\end{acknowledgments}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 2,492 |
"Sculpture by Other Means" ONE AND J.GALLERY/ SEOUL
Koki Tanaka, Masaya CHIBA, Teppei Kaneuji, Yuki Kimura
Sculpture By Other Means
Mar 22—Apr 11 2012
ONE AND J. Gallery is pleased to announce Sculpture by Other Means, a four-person group exhibition curated by Gabriel Ritter featuring work by Masaya Chiba, Teppei Kaneuji, Yuki Kimura, and Koki Tanaka.
Sculpture by Other Means examines the ways in which a sculptural practice might be realized through various other medium—whether it be painting, collage, photography, or video. The work included in this exhibition occupies a liminal space between the visual and material that straddles the already blurry lines that have come to define sculpture as a medium. In each instance, the artist is confronted with the problem of exceeding the limits of their chosen medium and responds with an object-oriented solution. This turn to sculpture is dual in nature, testing both the limits of collage, painting, photography, and video while also offering up new possibilities for sculpture as well.
While there is no singular style unifying the work of these four artists, they all share in common the use of found objects and/or found photographs as a means to reference the outside world. By incorporating readymade elements into a purely visual field, the work of these artists insists on a material presence situated squarely in reality. Overall, this renewed interest in objects and materiality reflects a desire on the part of these artists to connect meaningfully with the world at large.
The paintings of Masaya Chiba are suspended between the genres of landscape and figure painting while his overall practice oscillates between sculpture and painting. This surreal space is populated by ghostly white figures the artist sculpts from wooden dowels and papier-mâché that are set against sprawling natural landscapes. The artist endows these figurines with a life of their own, often performing ritualistic acts of burning or pilgrimage with them. In this way, the artist utilizes sculpture as a spiritual medium to realize his paintings.
The collage work of Teppei Kanueuji, with its piles of stacked images culled from various print media, seems to anticipate a sculptural language. While articulated in two-dimensional space, the collage work is preoccupied with issues of gravity, mass, and structure and are constructed through an additive process much like sculpture. Kaneuji realizes these works in three dimensional space through his White Discharge and Hakuchizu series, both of which involve the accumulation of everyday objects either entombed in thick white resin or covered with a layer of white powder.
The photographer Yuki Kimura, will exhibit work from her pivotal series, Post-disembodiment (2006) in which found photographs are endowed with so-called "alter-egos" and "shadows." These propped wood and Plexiglas panels echo shapes that have been excised from the original image, giving material form to the various layers of meaning contained within a photographic image. While deconstructing the image semantically, these propped panels simultaneously construct a new sculptural language for photography.
The work of Koki Tanaka takes shape primarily as video and installation that explores the relationship between objects and actions. His videos record simple gestures performed with ordinary objects in which seemingly "nothing happens." Yet, through their repetitive composition and heightened attention to detail, Tanaka's videos compel us to take notice of the mundane phenomena of daily life. Latent patterns and geometrical forms emerge out of actions and otherwise ordinary objects are transformed, providing an epiphany of sorts from moments of everyday life. Tanaka's object-oriented practice not only explores the relationship between people and things, but the ambiguous space between sculpture and performance as well.
ONE AND J. GALLERY
130-1 Gahoe Dong
Jongnu Gu, Seoul
110-260, Korea
T+82 2 745 1644
F+82 2 745 1642
info@oneandj.com
"Sculpture by Other Means" ONE AND J.GALLERY/ SEOUL (03/15) | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 3,118 |
\section{Introduction}\label{sec:introduction}
Recently, there has been a surge of interest in using stochastic Volterra equations
for financial modelling, with asymptotic approximations being a popular subject of research;
see the introductions of \cite{Gu18,Gu19} for many references.
While small-noise large deviations for such equations are well studied for Lipschitz coefficients~\cite{LiWaYaZh17,NuRo00,Zh08,Zh10}, results for processes that involve non-Lipschitz functions
in their dynamics are scarce.
In the papers~\cite{FoGeSm19}
and~\cite{GeJaRoSh18}, concrete models with finite-dimensional parameter spaces are considered,
whereas~\cite{CePa20,FoZh17,Gu18,Gu19,Gu20_arxiv} study models where volatility is a function of a Gaussian
process. In the present paper, we assume that the volatility process is a function of
\begin{equation}\label{eq: V hat}
\hat{V}_t
= \int_{0}^{t} K(t, s) U(V_s)\, ds,
\end{equation}
where~$U$ is a continuous non-negative function, assumptions on the kernel~$K$ will be specified below, and $V$ solves a one-dimensional SDE satisfying the Yamada-Watanabe condition. A (semi-)explicit generating function,
as is available in the rough resp.\ fractional Heston models considered
in~\cite{FoGeSm19,GeJaRoSh18}, is not required.
Also, our process $\hat{V}$
is clearly non-Gaussian in general, which sets our results apart from the related papers
with Gaussian drivers mentioned above.
While our setup allows a lot of freedom in choosing the diffusion~$V$ and the other ingredients,
we note that truly rough models are not covered,
because~\eqref{eq: V hat} is a Lebesgue integral and not an integral
w.r.t.\ Brownian motion.
However, the models that we are considering may be rough at $t=0$ (see Remark 4.2).
The stock price is given by
\begin{align}\begin{split}
dS_t
& = S_t \sigma(\hat{V}_t) (\bar{\rho}\, dW_t + \rho\, dB_t),
\quad 0 \leq t \leq T,\\
S_0
& = 1.
\end{split}\end{align}
Here, $ B, W $ are independent standard Brownian motions, $ \rho \in (-1, 1) $ and $ \bar{\rho} = \sqrt{1 - \rho^2} $. The extension to arbitrary $S_0>0$ is straightforward.
We now specify the conditions under which our main results, Theorems~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)}
and~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price} below, are valid.
Assumptions~\ref{ass:kernel definition}, \ref{ass:definition of u}
and~\ref{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion}
are in force throughout the paper. We note that the model
defined in Section~2 of~\cite{BaDe20} is a special case of our model,
but the aim of that paper is quite different from ours.
\begin{assumption}\label{ass:kernel definition}
Let $ K $ be a kernel on $ [0, T]^2 $ satisfying the following conditions:
\begin{enumerate}[label={\normalfont (\alph*)},ref={\normalfont \alph*}]
\item
\begin{align}\label{eq:kernel in L^2}
\sup_{t \in [0, T]} \int_{0}^{T} K(t, s)^2\, ds
< \infty.
\end{align}
\item The modulus of continuity of the kernel $ K $ in the space $ L^2[0, T] $ is defined as follows:
\begin{align}\label{eq:moc of kernel}
M(h)
= \sup_{\{ t_1, t_2 \in [0, T]: |t_1 - t_2| \leq h \}} \int_{0}^{T} |K(t_1, s) - K(t_2, s)|^2\, ds,
\quad 0 \leq h \leq T.
\end{align}
There exist constants $ c > 0 $ and $ r > 0 $ such that
\begin{align}\label{eq:estimate for kernel's modulus of continuity}
M(h)\leq c h^r
\end{align}
for all $ h \in [0, T] $.
\item \label{it:condition (a) from [Archil 2018]}$ K(t, s) = 0 $ for all $ 0 \leq t < s \leq T $.
\end{enumerate}
\end{assumption}
Then, $K$ is a Volterra kernel in the sense of \cite{Gu18} resp.\ \cite{Gu19}.
Of course, these conditions have been used earlier; e.g.,
(b) and~(c) are part of the definition of a Volterra type Gaussian
process in~\cite{Hu03,Hu03a}.
It is a standard fact that the associated integral operator
\begin{align}\label{eq:op K}
\mathcal{K}(h)(t)
= \int_{0}^{T} K(t, s) h(s)\, ds
\end{align}
is compact from $ L^2[0, T] $ into $ C[0, T] $;
see e.g.\ Lemma~2 of \cite{Gu18} for a proof.
A standard example of a kernel satisfying Assumption~\ref{ass:kernel definition}
is the fractional kernel $\Gamma(H+\tfrac12)^{-1}(t-s)^{H-1/2},$
$0\leq s\leq t,$ with Hurst parameter $H\in(0,1).$ We note that~$\Gamma$ denotes the gamma function here, whereas later
we will use the letter~$\Gamma$ for the solution map of the
ODE~\eqref{eq:ode for v} below.
\begin{definition}\label{def:locally omega continuity}
Let $ \omega $ be an increasing modulus of continuity on $ [0, \infty) $, that is $ \omega : \mathbb{R}_+ \to \mathbb{R}_+ $ is an increasing function such that $ \omega(0) = 0 $ and $ \lim\limits_{s \to 0} \omega(s) = 0 $. A function $ h $ defined on $ \mathbb{R} $ is called locally $ \omega $-continuous, if for every $ \delta > 0 $ there exists a number $ L(\delta) > 0 $ such that for all $ x, y \in [-\delta, \delta] $
\begin{align}\label{eq:estimate w-continuous}
|h(x) - h(y)|
\leq L(\delta) \omega(|x - y|).
\end{align}
\end{definition}
\begin{assumption}\label{ass:definition of u}
The function $ U :\mathbb{R} \to [0, \infty) $ is continuous, and
$ \sigma $ is a positive function on $ \mathbb{R}^+ $ that is locally $ \omega $-continuous for some modulus of continuity $ \omega $
as in Definition~\ref{def:locally omega continuity}.
\end{assumption}
The process $ V $ is assumed to solve the SDE
\begin{align}\begin{split}\label{eq:dV_t}
dV_t
&= \bar{b}(V_t)\, dt
+ \bar{\sigma}(V_t)\, dB_t,
\quad 0 \leq t \leq T,\\
V_0
&= v_0 > 0,
\end{split}\end{align}
where $ \bar{\sigma} $ and $ \bar{b} $ satisfy the Yamada-Watanabe
condition in Assumption~\ref{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion}
below. A well-known example is the CIR process, where $\bar{\sigma}$ is the square
root function.
\begin{assumption}\label{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion}
~\begin{enumerate}[label={\normalfont (R\arabic*)},ref={\normalfont R\arabic*}]
\item \label{it:(R1) Chiarini Fischer}
The dispersion coefficient $ \bar{\sigma} : \mathbb{R} \to [0, \infty) $ is locally Lipschitz continuous on $ \mathbb{R} \backslash \{ 0 \} $, has sub-linear growth at $ \infty $, and $ \bar{\sigma}(0) = 0 $, while $ \bar{\sigma}(x) > 0 $ for all $ x \neq 0 $. Moreover, there exists a continuous increasing function $ \gamma : (0, \infty) \to (0, \infty) $ such that
\begin{align}\label{eq:yamada watanabe condition}
\int_{0 +}^{\infty} \frac{du}{\gamma(u)^2}
= \infty
\end{align}
and
\begin{align*}
|\bar{\sigma}(x) - \bar{\sigma}(y)|
\leq \gamma(|x - y|)
\quad \text{for all } x, y \in \mathbb{R},\, x \neq y.
\end{align*}
Here, the sub-linear growth at $ \infty $ is understood in the sense that for every $ x_0 $ there exists a $ \mu $ such that for all $ x > x_0 $ we have
\begin{align*}
|\bar{\sigma}(x)|^2
\leq \mu (1 + |x|^2).
\end{align*}
\item \label{it:(R2) Chiarini Fischer}
The drift coefficient $ \bar{b} : \mathbb{R} \to \mathbb{R} $ is locally Lipschitz continuous, has sub-linear growth at $ \infty $, and $ \bar{b}(0) > 0 $.
\end{enumerate}
\end{assumption}
Next, introducing a small-noise parameter~$\varepsilon>0$, we define the scaled version $ V^{\varepsilon} $ of the process $ V $ by
\begin{align}\label{eq:scaled cir type process}\begin{split}
dV^{\varepsilon}_t
& = \bar{b}(V_t^{\varepsilon})\, dt
+ \sqrt{\varepsilon} \bar{\sigma}(V_t^{\varepsilon})\, dB_t,\\
V_0^{\varepsilon}
& = v_0 > 0,
\end{split}\end{align}
and the scaled stock price by
\begin{align}
dS^{\varepsilon}_t
= \sqrt{\varepsilon} S^{\varepsilon}_t \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t) (\bar{\rho}\, dW_t + \rho\, dB_t).
\end{align}
Here, we write $ \hat{V}^{\varepsilon} $ for the process
\begin{align}\label{eq:V hat epsilon}
\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t
= \int_{0}^{t} K(t, s) U(V_s^{\varepsilon})\, ds.
\end{align}
The scaled log-price process $ X^{\varepsilon} = \log S^{\varepsilon} $, which is the process of interest
for our large deviations analysis, is now given by
\begin{align}\begin{split}
dX^{\varepsilon}_t
& = \sqrt{\varepsilon} \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t)(\bar{\rho}\, dW_t + \rho\, dB_t)
- \frac{1}{2} \varepsilon \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t)^2\, dt,
\quad 0 \leq t \leq T,\\
X_0^\varepsilon
& = 0,
\end{split}\end{align}
and the integral representation is as follows:
\begin{align}\label{eq:scaled log-price}
X_t^{\varepsilon}
= - \frac{1}{2} \varepsilon \int_{0}^{t} \sigma(\hat{V}_s^{\varepsilon})^2\, ds
+ \sqrt{\varepsilon} \int_{0}^{t} \sigma(\hat{V}_s^{\varepsilon})\, d(\bar{\rho} W_s + \rho B_s),
\quad 0 \leq t \leq T.
\end{align}
\begin{definition}\label{def:definition of integral operators}
In addition to~$\mathcal K$ from~\eqref{eq:op K}, we
define the integral operators
\begin{align*}
\hat{\cdot} &: C[0, T] \to C[0, T],\\
\check{\cdot} &: H_0^1[0, T] \to C[0, T],
\end{align*}
by
\begin{align}
\label{eq:f hat (within def)}
\hat{f}(t)
& = \int_{0}^{t} K(t, s)U(f(s))\, ds,
\quad t \in [0, T],\\
\label{eq:f check (within def)}
\check{g}(t)
& = \int_{0}^{t} K(t, s) U(v(s))\, ds,
\quad t \in [0, T],
\end{align}
where $ v $ is the solution of the ODE
\begin{align}\label{eq:ode for v}
\dot{v}
= \bar{b}(v)
+ \bar{\sigma}(v) \dot{g},
\quad v(0) = v_0.
\end{align}
\end{definition}
Clearly, we have $ \check{g} = \hat{v} $, where $ v $ solves the ODE \eqref{eq:ode for v}.
Moreover, $\hat{f} = \mathcal{K}(U \circ f)$ and
$\check{g} = \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(g))$,
where $ \Gamma$ maps $g$ to the solution of~\eqref{eq:ode for v}.
By Assumption~\ref{ass:kernel definition} the integral operators of Definition~\ref{def:definition of integral operators} are well-defined. In fact, for our kernel $ K $, we get that $ \mathcal{K} : L^2[0, T] \to C[0, T] $. Note that for $ h \in H_0^1[0, T] $, we have $ h \in C[0, T] $.
Further, for $ f \in H_0^1[0, T] $ we have $ U \circ f \in L^2[0, T] $ and for $ g \in H_0^1[0, T] $ we have $ U \circ v \in L^2[0, T] $. This can be easily seen using the fact that $ U $ is continuous and the input functions are continuous on a bounded interval and hence bounded themselves.
We can now state our main results.
\begin{theorem}\label{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)}
The family $ X^{\varepsilon}_T $ satisfies the small-noise large deviation principle (LDP) with speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $ and good rate function $ I_T $ given by
\begin{align}\begin{split}
I_T(x)
& = \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \Big[ \frac{T}{2} \Big(\frac{x - \rho \langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))), \dot{f} \rangle}{\bar{\rho} \sqrt{\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)))^2, 1\rangle}}\Big)^2 + \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle \Big]\\
& = \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \Bigg[ \frac{T}{2} \bigg(\frac{x - \rho \int_{0}^{T} \sigma(\int_{0}^{t} K(t, s) U(\Gamma(f)(s))\, ds) \dot{f}(t)\, dt}{\bar{\rho} \sqrt{\int_{0}^{T} \sigma(\int_{0}^{t} K(t, s)U(\Gamma(f)(s))\, ds)^2\, dt}}\bigg)^2 + \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{f}(t)^2\, dt \Bigg]
\end{split}\end{align}
for all $ x \in \mathbb{R} $, wherever this expression is finite. The validity of the LDP means that for every Borel subset $ \mathcal{A} $ of $ \mathbb{R} $, the following estimate holds, where $\mathcal{A}^{\circ}$ and $\bar{\mathcal{A}}$ denote the interior resp.\ the closure of~$\mathcal{A}$:
\begin{align}
- \inf_{x \in \mathcal{A}^{\circ}} I_T(x)
\leq \liminf_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(X_T^\varepsilon \in \mathcal{A})
\leq \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(X_T^\varepsilon \in \mathcal{A})
\leq - \inf_{x \in \bar{\mathcal{A}}} I_T(x).
\end{align}
\end{theorem}
\begin{theorem}\label{thm:ldp for log-price}
The family of processes $ X^{\varepsilon} $ satisfies the sample path LDP with speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $ and good rate function $ Q $ given by
\begin{align}\begin{split}
Q(g)
& = \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \Big[ \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \Big(\frac{\dot{g}(t) - \rho \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))(t)) \dot{f}(t)}{\bar{\rho} \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))(t))}\Big)^2\, dt + \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} |\dot{f}(t)|^2\, dt \Big]\\
& = \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \Bigg[ \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \bigg(\frac{\dot{g}(t) - \rho \sigma(\int_{0}^{t} K(t, s) U(\Gamma(f)(s))\, ds) \dot{f}(t) }{\bar{\rho} \sigma(\int_{0}^{t} K(t, s) U(\Gamma(f)(s))\, ds)}\bigg)^2\, dt + \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} |\dot{f}(t)|^2\, dt \Bigg]
\end{split}\end{align}
for all $ g \in H_0^1[0, T] $, and by $ Q(g) = \infty $, for all $ g \in C[0, T] \backslash H_0^1[0, T] $. The validity of the LDP means that for every Borel subset $ \mathcal{A} $ of $ C[0, T] $, the following estimate holds:
\begin{align}
- \inf_{g \in \mathcal{A}^{\circ}} Q(g)
\leq \liminf_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(X^\varepsilon \in \mathcal{A})
\leq \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(X^\varepsilon \in \mathcal{A})
\leq - \inf_{g \in \bar{\mathcal{A}}} Q(g).
\end{align}
\end{theorem}
The structure of this paper is as follows. In Section~\ref{sec:small-noise ldps}, we recall small-noise large deviations for SDEs satisfying the Yamada-Watanabe condition. In Section~\ref{sec:small-noise proofs}, we prove the main results, i.e.\ the small-noise LDP for the log-price. In Section~\ref{sec:strike} we specialize
our model to obtain a convenient scaling property, and obtain large-strike
asymptotics for call prices from our small-noise LDP.
As mentioned above, Assumptions~\ref{ass:kernel definition}, \ref{ass:definition of u}
and~\ref{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion} are supposed to be satisfied throughout the rest of the paper.
\section{LDPs for the driving processes}
\label{sec:small-noise ldps}
\subsection{Sample path LDP for the diffusion}
We apply a result of~\cite{ChFi14}, which is based on a representation formula for
functionals of Brownian motion obtained
in~\cite{BoDu98}, to obtain an LDP for $(\sqrt{\varepsilon}B, V^{\varepsilon}) $.
While the Yamada-Watanabe condition from Assumption~\ref{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion}
covers virtually all one-dimensional diffusions that have been suggested in financial modelling,
we note that Assumption~\ref{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion} could still be weakened,
if desired, e.g.\ by inspecting the proof of Theorem~4.3 in~\cite{BoDu98}.
If assumptions (H1)--(H6) of \cite{ChFi14} hold, then the family of processes $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} B, V^{\varepsilon}). $ which satisfy the two-dimensional SDE
\begin{align}
\begin{pmatrix}
\sqrt{\varepsilon} dB_t\\
dV_t^{\varepsilon}
\end{pmatrix}
=
\begin{pmatrix}
0\\
\bar{b}(V_t^{\varepsilon})
\end{pmatrix}
dt
+ \sqrt{\varepsilon}
\begin{pmatrix}
1\\
\bar{\sigma}(V_t^{\varepsilon})
\end{pmatrix}
dB_t,
\end{align}
admits an LDP due to Theorem~1 in \cite{ChFi14}.
For $ V^{\varepsilon} $, (H1)--(H6) have been checked in \cite[pp.~1143--1144]{ChFi14}. For $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon}B, V^{\varepsilon}) $, the proofs are similar. The assumptions (H1)--(H3) are clearly satisfied. Let us check condition (H4), namely unique solvability of the control equation~(7) in \cite{ChFi14}.
Here, it is
\begin{align}\label{eq:control equation for two-dimensional problem}
\begin{pmatrix}
\varphi_1(t)\\
\varphi_2(t)
\end{pmatrix}
= \begin{pmatrix}
0\\
v_0
\end{pmatrix}
+ \int_{0}^{t} \begin{pmatrix}
0\\
\bar{b}(\varphi_1(s))
\end{pmatrix}
ds
+ \int_{0}^{t} \begin{pmatrix}
1\\
\bar{\sigma}(\varphi_1(s))
\end{pmatrix}
f(s)\, ds,
\end{align}
where $ f \in L^2[0, T] $ is the control function.
We also have $ \varphi_1, \varphi_2 \in C[0, T] $. It follows that the unique solution of \eqref{eq:control equation for two-dimensional problem} is given by $ \Gamma_{v_0}(f) = \begin{pmatrix}
\int_{0}^{\cdot} f(s)\, ds\\
\varphi_2
\end{pmatrix} $, where the function $ \varphi_2 $ is the unique solution of the equation
\begin{align}\label{eq:control ode}
\varphi_2(t)
= v_0 + \int_{0}^{t} \bar{b}(\varphi_2(s))\, ds
+ \int_{0}^{t} \bar{\sigma}(\varphi_2(s)) f(s)\, ds,
\quad t \in [0, T],
\end{align}
that exists by \cite[Proposition~1]{ChFi14}.
This establishes condition (H4) in our setting.
Note at this point, that the ODE~\eqref{eq:control ode} above is formulated for $ f \in L^2[0, T] $ to match the notation of \cite{ChFi14}. Alternatively it can also be written, with a $ g \in H_0^1 $,
and $ \dot{g} $ instead of $ f $, see \eqref{eq:ode for v}.
Condition (H5) for the second component of $ \Gamma_{v_0} $ was checked in \cite[p.~1144]{ChFi14}. For the first component, (H5) is true by the following simple fact.
\begin{lemma}
The map $ f \mapsto \int_{0}^{\cdot} f(s)\, ds $ is continuous from $ \mathcal{B}_r $ into $ C[0, T] $, where $ \mathcal{B}_r $ is the closed ball of radius $ r>0 $ in $ L^2[0, T] $ endowed with the weak topology.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
If $f_n\in\mathcal{B}_r$ converges weakly to~$f$, then the convergence is uniform
on compact subsets of $ L^2[0, T] $. Since $\{ \mathds{1}_{[0,t]} : 0\leq t\leq T\}$ is compact,
we have
\begin{align}
\sup_{t \in [0, T]} \left| \int_{0}^{t} f(u)\, du - \int_{0}^{t} f_n(u)\, du \right|
\to 0,
\quad n \to \infty.
\end{align}
\end{proof}
The tightness assumption~(H6) can be established as in~\cite{ChFi14}.
The verification, which is based on the sub-linear growth of~$\bar b$
and~$\bar \sigma$ and the uniform moment estimate
in Lemma~A.2 of~\cite{ChFi14}, is found on pp.\ 1137--1138 of~\cite{ChFi14}.
See also Section~4.2 of~\cite{ChFi14}.
Now, Theorem~1 of~\cite{ChFi14} implies the following assertion.
\begin{theorem}\label{thm:ldp for (B,V)}
The family of processes $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} B, V^{\varepsilon}) $ satisfies an LDP in the space $ C[0, T]^2 $ with speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $ and good rate function $ I : C[0, T]^2 \to [0, \infty] $ given by
\begin{align}\label{eq:rate function for (B,V) implicit}
I(\varphi_1, \varphi_2)
= \inf_{\{ f \in L^2[0, T] :\, \Gamma_{v_0}(f) = \begin{pmatrix}
\varphi_1\\
\varphi_2
\end{pmatrix} \}}
\frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} f(t)^2\, dt,
\end{align}
whenever $ \{ f \in L^2[0, T] : \Gamma_{v_0}(f) = \begin{pmatrix}
\varphi_1\\
\varphi_2
\end{pmatrix} \} \neq \emptyset $, and $ I(\varphi_1, \varphi_2) = \infty $ otherwise. Here, $ \Gamma_{v_0}(f) $ maps $ f $ to the solution of \eqref{eq:control equation for two-dimensional problem}.
\end{theorem}
Note that Theorem~1 of \cite{ChFi14} actually gives a Laplace principle. But since the rate function is a good rate function (which is shown in \cite{ChFi14}), we also get an LDP with the same rate function. See Theorems~1.2.1 and 1.2.3 of \cite{DuEl97}.
The condition
$ \Gamma_{v_0}(f) = \begin{pmatrix}
\varphi_1\\
\varphi_2
\end{pmatrix} $
implies that $ \int_{0}^{t} f(s)\, ds = \varphi_1(t) $, or $ f(t) = \dot{\varphi}_1(t) $. Therefore
\begin{align*}
\dot{\varphi}_2(t)
= \bar{b}(\varphi_2(t))
+ \bar{\sigma}(\varphi_2(t))\dot{\varphi}_1(t),
\end{align*}
and hence
\begin{align}\label{eq:phi dot two}
\dot{\varphi}_1(t)
= \frac{\dot{\varphi}_2(t) - \bar{b}(\varphi_2(t))}{\bar{\sigma}(\varphi_2(t))}.
\end{align}
Therefore, the following statement holds:
\begin{corollary}\label{cor: rate function for phi_1 absolutely continuous}
For every $ \varphi_2 $ that is absolutely continuous on $ [0, T] $ with $ \varphi_2(0) = v_0 $
\begin{align}\label{eq:rate function for (B,V) explicit}
I\Big(\int_{0}^{\cdot} \frac{\dot{\varphi}_2(t) - \bar{b}(\varphi_2(t))}{\bar{\sigma}(\varphi_2(t))}\, dt, \varphi_2\Big)
= \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \Big(\frac{\dot{\varphi}_2(t) - \bar{b}(\varphi_2(t))}{\bar{\sigma}(\varphi_2(t))}\Big)^2\, dt,
\end{align}
if the integral is finite, and $ I(\varphi_1, \varphi_2) = \infty $ in all the remaining cases.
\end{corollary}
\subsection{Sample path LDP for $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $}
In this subsection we lift the sample path LDP in Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for (B,V)} to one for the
family of processes we get when applying the ``hat" operator
defined in~\eqref{eq:V hat epsilon} to $ V^{\varepsilon}.$
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:f to f hat is continuous}
The mapping $ f \mapsto \hat{f} $ is continuous from the space $ C[0, T] $ into itself.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
For $ f \in C[0, T] $ and all $ t_1, t_2 \in [0, T] $,
\begin{align*}
|\hat{f}(t_1) - \hat{f}(t_2)|
\leq M(|t_1 - t_2|)^{\frac{1}{2}} \Big(\int_{0}^{T} U(f(s))^2\, ds\Big)^{\frac{1}{2}}
\leq C_f |t_1 - t_2|^{\frac{r}{2}}.
\end{align*}
The number $ r $ in the exponent of the last term comes from an estimate for the modulus of continuity of the kernel given by \eqref{eq:estimate for kernel's modulus of continuity}. Here we used the local boundedness of
the continuous function $ U $, and also~\eqref{eq:moc of kernel}.
Now, it is clear that the function $ \hat{f} $ is continuous on $ [0, T] $. It remains to prove the continuity of the mapping $ f \mapsto \hat{f} $ on $ C[0, T] $. Suppose $ f_k \to f $ in $ C[0, T] $. Then we have
\begin{align}\label{eq:fhat - fhat_k in C_0}
\| \hat{f} - \hat{f}_k \|_{C[0, T]}
\leq \Big(\int_{0}^{T} |U(f(s)) - U(f_k(s))|^2\, ds\Big)^{\frac{1}{2}} \sup_{t \in [0, T]} \Big(\int_{0}^{T} K(t, s)^2\, ds\Big)^{\frac{1}{2}}.
\end{align}
Moreover,
\begin{align*}
C_0=\max \big\{ \| f \|_{C[0, T]}, \sup_{k} \| f_k \|_{C[0, T]} \big\}
< \infty.
\end{align*}
It follows from Assumption~\ref{ass:kernel definition} and~\eqref{eq:fhat - fhat_k in C_0} that there exists a constant $ C_1 $ for which
\begin{align}\label{eq:estimate hat functions with original ones}
\| \hat{f} - \hat{f}_k \|_{C[0, T]}
\leq C_1 \sup_{s \in [0, T]} \big|U(f(s)) - U(f_k(s))\big|,
\end{align}
and the previous expression converges to zero by the uniform continuity of~$U$ on $[-C_0,C_0]$. This completes the proof.
\end{proof}
The next assertion establishes the LDP
for $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $.
\begin{theorem}\label{thm:ldp for epsB, Vhat}
The family of processes $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon}B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ satisfies an LDP in the space $ C[0, T]^2 $ with speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $ and good rate function given by
\begin{align}
\tilde{I}\big(\psi_1, \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(\psi_1))\big)
= \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{\psi}_1(t)^2\, dt,
\end{align}
if the expression in \eqref{eq:phi dot two} exists, and $ \tilde{I}(\psi_1, \psi_2) = \infty $ otherwise.
Here, $ \Gamma $ is the solution map of the one-dimensional ODE \eqref{eq:ode for v}, which means that $ \varphi = \Gamma(\psi_1) $ solves the ODE $ \dot{\varphi} = \bar{b}(\varphi) + \bar{\sigma}(\varphi) \dot{\psi}_1 $.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
We know that $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} B, V^{\varepsilon}) $ satisfies the LDP in Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for (B,V)}.
The mapping $ (\varphi_1, \varphi_2) \mapsto (\varphi_1, \hat{\varphi}_2) $ of $ C[0, T]^2 $ into itself is continuous due to Lemma~\ref{lem:f to f hat is continuous}. Hence, we can use the contraction principle, which gives
\begin{align*}
\tilde{I}(\psi_1, \psi_2)
= \inf_{\{ (\varphi_1, \varphi_2) \in C[0, T]^2 :\, (\psi_1, \psi_2) = (\varphi_1, \hat{\varphi}_2) \}}
I(\varphi_1, \varphi_2) = \inf_{\hat{\varphi}_2 = \psi_2} I(\psi_1, \varphi_2).
\end{align*}
The necessary condition under which we have $ I(\psi_1, \varphi_2) < \infty $ is $ \dot{\psi}_1 = \frac{\dot{\varphi}_2 - \bar{b}(\varphi_2)}{\bar{\sigma}(\varphi_2)} $ (see Corollary~\ref{cor: rate function for phi_1 absolutely continuous}).
\end{proof}
Since $B$ and $W$ are independent, the following result is an immediate consequence
of Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for epsB, Vhat} and Schilder's theorem.
\begin{corollary}\label{cor:ldp for W,B,V hat}
\begin{enumerate}[label={\normalfont (\roman*)},ref={\normalfont \roman*}]
\item The family $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ satisfies an LDP with speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $ and rate function
\begin{align}
\hat{I}\big(y, \psi_1, \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(\psi_1))\big)
= \frac{T}{2} y^2
+ \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{\psi}_1^2\, dt,
\end{align}
for $ y \in \mathbb{R} $ and $ \psi_1 \in H_0^1[0, T],$ if all the expressions are finite, and $ \hat{I}(y, \psi_1, \psi_2) = \infty $ otherwise.
\item The family of processes $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} W, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ satisfies an LDP with speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $ and rate function
\begin{align}
\hat{I}\big(\psi_0, \psi_1, \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(\psi_1))\big)
= \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{\psi}_0(t)^2\, dt
+ \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{\psi}_1^2\, dt,
\end{align}
for $ \psi_0, \psi_1 \in H_0^1[0, T],$ if all the expressions are finite, and $ \hat{I}(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2) = \infty $ otherwise.
\end{enumerate}
\end{corollary}
\section{Proof of the LDP for the log-price}
\label{sec:small-noise proofs}
\subsection{Proof of Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)} (one-dimensional LDP)}
It is clear that the one-dimensional LDP in Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)}
is a special case of the sample path LDP in Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price}.
For the reader's convenience, though, it seemed better to us to first
prove Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)}, and then refer to
some parts of this proof in the proof of Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price} below.
We build on some ideas of~\cite{Gu18}. To match the notation there, we note that $ \varepsilon^{H} \hat{B} $ from~\cite{Gu18} corresponds to our process $ \hat{V}^{\varepsilon} $ as defined in \eqref{eq:V hat epsilon}. In the original proof of \cite{Gu18} the author first supposes $ T = 1 $. Here, for convenience, we immediately allow a general $ T > 0 $.
By the following lemma, it suffices to prove an LDP for the driftless process
\begin{align}\label{eq:X hat}
d\hat{X}^{\varepsilon}_t
= \sqrt{\varepsilon} \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t)(\bar{\rho}\, dW_t + \rho\, dB_t),
\quad 0 \leq t \leq T.
\end{align}
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:omit drift scalar}
The families $ (X^\varepsilon_T)_{\varepsilon>0} $ and $ (\hat{X}^{\varepsilon}_T)_{\varepsilon>0} $ are exponentially equivalent, i.e.\ for every $ \delta > 0 $, the following equality holds:
\begin{align}\label{eq:exponential equivalence drift on state space}
\limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(|X_T^{\varepsilon} - \hat{X}_T^{\varepsilon}| > \delta)
= - \infty.
\end{align}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
By the same reasoning as in Section~5 of \cite{Gu18}, there is a strictly increasing continuous function $ \eta : [0, \infty) \to [0, \infty) $ with $ \lim\limits_{u \nearrow \infty} \eta(u) =
\infty $ and $ \bar{\sigma}(u)^2 \leq \eta(u) $ for all $ u \in \mathbb{R} $. Let $ \eta^{-1} : [0, \infty) \to [0, \infty) $ be the inverse function. Replacing $ \sqrt{\varepsilon}\hat{B} $ in \cite{Gu18} by $ \hat{V}^{\varepsilon} $, we get the estimate
\begin{align}\begin{split}\label{eq:omit drift estimate}
P(|X_T^{\varepsilon} - \hat{X}_T^{\varepsilon}| > \delta)
& = P\Big(\frac{1}{2} \varepsilon \int_{0}^{T} \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_s)^2\, ds > \delta\Big)
\leq P\Big(\frac{1}{2} \varepsilon \int_{0}^{T} \eta(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_s)\, ds > \delta\Big)\\
& \leq P\Big(\frac{1}{2} \varepsilon \int_{0}^{T} \eta(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t|)\, ds > \delta\Big)
= P\Big(\frac{1}{2} \varepsilon T \eta(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t|) > \delta\Big)\\
& = P\Big(\eta(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t|) > \frac{2 \delta}{\varepsilon T}\Big)
= P\Big(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t| > \eta^{-1}(\frac{2 \delta}{\varepsilon T})\Big)\\
& \leq \exp\Big({-\frac{\varepsilon^{-1}}{2}} J(A)\Big),
\end{split}\end{align}
where $ J $ is the rate function of $ \sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t| $,
and $A=(\eta^{-1}(\frac{2 \delta}{\varepsilon T}), \infty)$. Since $ J $ is a good rate function, we know that $ J(x, \infty) \nearrow \infty $ as $ x \nearrow \infty $, so we get \eqref{eq:exponential equivalence drift on state space}.
\end{proof}
We will next reason as in \cite{Gu18}, p.~1121, using the
LDP for $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ in Corollary~\ref{cor:ldp for W,B,V hat}.
Analogously to~\cite{Gu18}, we define the functional $ \Phi $ on the space $ M = \mathbb{R} \times C[0, T]^2 $ by
\begin{align}\label{eq:def phi}
\Phi(y, f, g)
= \bar{\rho} \Big(\int_{0}^{T} \sigma(g(s))^2\, ds\Big)^{1 / 2} y
+ \rho \int_{0}^{T} \sigma(g(s)) \dot{f}(s)\, ds,
\end{align}
if $ (f, g) = (f, \check{f}) $ with $ f \in H_0^1[0, T],$ and $ \Phi(y, f, g) = 0 $ otherwise
(recall the definition~\eqref{eq:f check (within def)}).
Further, for any integer $ m \geq 1 $, define a functional on $ M $ by
\begin{align}\label{eq:def phi_m}
\Phi_m(y, h, l)
= \bar{\rho} \Big(\int_{0}^{T} \sigma(l(s))^2\, ds\Big)^{1 / 2} y
+ \rho \sum_{k = 0}^{m - 1} \sigma(l(t_k)) \big(h(t_{k + 1}) - h(t_k)\big),
\end{align}
where $ t_k := \frac{kT}{m} $ for $ k \in \{ 0, \ldots, m \} $.
The following approximation property is the key to applying the extended contraction
principle (see (4.2.24) in \cite{DeZe98}).
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:(4.2.24) for dembo zeitouni}
For every $ \alpha > 0 $,
\begin{align}\label{eq:(4.2.24) for dembo zeitouni}
\limsup_{m \to \infty} \sup_{\{ f \in H_0^1[0, T] : \frac{T}{2} y^2 + \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{f}(s)^2\, ds \leq \alpha \}} |\Phi(y, f, \check{f}) - \Phi_{m}(y, f, \check{f})|
= 0.
\end{align}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
The proof is similar to that of Lemma~21 in \cite{Gu18}. We just need to change the range of the integrals and suprema to $ [0, T] $ instead of $ [0, 1] $. Hence, the grid points for $ h_m $ are $ t_k := \frac{Tk}{m} $ for $ k \in \{0, \ldots, m\} $, like in \eqref{eq:def phi_m}. We use a different integral operator
than~\cite{Gu18}, and so we have to show that
the set $ E_{\beta} = \{\check{f} : f \in D_{\beta} \} $ is precompact in $ C[0, T] $ for $ D_{\beta} = \{ f \in H_0^1[0, T] : \int_{0}^{T} \dot{f}(s)^2\, ds < \beta \} $.
For $ f \in D_\beta $, we have $ \dot{f} \in L^2[0, T] $ and therefore can use Eq.~(16) of \cite{ChFi14} to estimate the solution of the ODE
\begin{align*}
v
= v_0
+ \int_{0}^{\cdot} \bar{b}(v(s))\, ds
+ \int_{0}^{\cdot} \bar{\sigma}(v(s)) \dot{f}(s)\, ds
\end{align*}
as follows:
\begin{align*}
\sup_{0 \leq s \leq T} |v(s)|^2
\leq \big(3 |v_0|^2 + 6 \mu^2 T^2 + 6 \mu^2 T \| \dot{f} \|_2^2\big) e^{ 6 \mu^2 T (T + \| \dot{f} \|_2^2) }
=: C_\beta^2.
\end{align*}
Here, $\mu$ comes from the sub-linear growth condition for the coefficient functions of the diffusion equation for $ V $ in Assumption~\ref{ass:assumptions for cir type diffusion}.
Since the continuous function~$U$ is bounded on the interval $[-C_\beta,C_\beta]$,
\begin{align}\label{eq:bounded set}
\{ U \circ v : f \in D_{\beta},\, \dot{v} = \bar{b}(v) + \bar{\sigma}(v) \dot{f} \}
\end{align}
is a bounded subset of $ C[0, T] $. The compact operator $ \mathcal{K} $, as defined in \eqref{eq:op K}, maps the set in~\eqref{eq:bounded set} to a precompact set in $ C[0, T] $. So we can conclude that $ E_{\beta} $ is precompact. After that, the proof continues like in \cite{Gu18}.
\end{proof}
\begin{definition}
Let $ t \in [0, T] $ be fixed. Consider the grid $ t_k := T \frac{k}{m} $ for $ k \in \{0, \ldots, m\} $. There is a $ k $ such that $ t \in [t_k, t_{k + 1}) $. Denote by $ \Xi(t) $ the left end of the previous interval. Explicitly, we put
\begin{align}
\Xi(t) := \frac{T}{m} [\frac{mt}{T}],
\end{align}
where $ [a] $ stands for the integer part of the number $ a \in \mathbb{R} $.
For $ T = 1 $, this reduces to $ \Xi(t) = \frac{[mt]}{m} $.
\end{definition}
We will next prove that $ \Phi_m(\sqrt{\varepsilon} W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ is an exponentially good approximation as $ m \nearrow \infty $ to $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $. We start with an auxiliary result.
\begin{lemma}\label{le:lemma 27 from Gu18_arxiv}
For every $ y > 0, $
\begin{align}\label{eq:lemma 27 from Gu18_arxiv}
\limsup_{ m \to \infty } \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}| > y \Big)
= - \infty.
\end{align}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
This corresponds to Lemma~23 in \cite{Gu18}, but we need to adjust some
estimates in the proof, since we do \emph{not} have Gaussianity in our setting.
As in \cite{Gu18} we use
\begin{align}\label{eq:lemma 27 1st estimate}
P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}| > y \Big)
\leq P\bigg(\sup_{\substack{t_1, t_2 \in [0, T]\\ |t_2-t_1|\leq T / m}} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{t_2} - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{t_1}| > y\bigg).
\end{align}
Then, for $ |s - t| \leq T / m $, we have
\begin{align*}\begin{split}
|\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_s|
&= \Big|\int_{0}^{T} \big(K(t, v) - K(s, v)\big) U(V_v^{\varepsilon})\, dv\Big|\\
&\leq \sqrt{M(\frac{T}{m})} \sup_{v \in [0, T]} |U(V_v^{\varepsilon})|\\
&\leq \Big(\frac{c T}{m}\Big)^{r / 2} \sup_{v \in [0, T]} |U(V_v^{\varepsilon})|,
\end{split}\end{align*}
where $ M $ is the modulus of continuity of the kernel function in Assumption~\ref{ass:kernel definition}. We know that $ V^{\varepsilon} $ satisfies an LDP, by Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for (B,V)}. Using this, we can estimate
\begin{align*}
P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}| > y \Big) &\leq
P\Big(\sup_{s \in [0, T]} |U(V_s^{\varepsilon})| > y c^{-r/2} T^{-r/2} m^{r/2} \Big) \\
&\leq \exp\Big({-\frac{\varepsilon^{-1}}{2}} \cdot J\big((y (\frac{m}{cT} )^{\frac{r}{2}}, \infty)\big)\Big),
\end{align*}
for $ \varepsilon $ small enough. Here, $ J $ is the good rate function corresponding to $ \sup_{s \in [0, T]} |U(V_s^{\varepsilon})|, $ which satisfies an LDP, as seen from applying the contraction principle to the continuous mapping $ f \mapsto \sup_{s \in [0, T]} |U(f(s))| $.
From this, we can write
\begin{align}
\limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}| > y\Big)
\leq - \frac{1}{2} J\Big(\big(y \big(\frac{m}{cT} \big)^{\frac{r}{2}}, \infty\big)\Big).
\end{align}
Since $ J $ has compact level sets, the term on the right-hand side explodes
for $ m \nearrow \infty $.
\end{proof}
Next, we show that the discretization functionals~$\Phi_m$
yield an exponentially good approximation.
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:exponential equivalence for scalar case}
For every $ \delta > 0 $,
\begin{align}
\lim\limits_{m \to \infty} \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(|\Phi(\sqrt{\varepsilon}W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) - \Phi_{m}(\sqrt{\varepsilon}W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon})| > \delta) = - \infty.
\end{align}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
This lemma corresponds to Lemma~22 in \cite{Gu18}.
As in the proof of that lemma, it suffices to show
\begin{align}\label{eq:stronger condition for exponential equivalence}
\lim\limits_{m \to \infty} \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P\bigg(\sqrt{\varepsilon} |\rho| \sup_{t \in [0, T]} \Big|\int_{0}^{t} \sigma_s^{(m)}\, dB_s\Big| > \delta\bigg)
= -\infty,
\end{align}
where $ \sigma_t^{(m)} = \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t) - \sigma(\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}) $. We have to redefine $ \xi_{\eta}^{(m)} $ in order to take a general $ T > 0 $ into account:
\begin{align*}
\xi_{\eta}^{(m)}
= \inf \Big\{ t \in [0, T] : \frac{\eta}{q(\eta)} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}| + |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}| > \eta \Big\} \wedge T.
\end{align*}
Note that we use the convention $ \inf \emptyset = \infty $ here.
The equations (55)--(65) in \cite{Gu18} remain the same, except that we replace $ \varepsilon^H \hat{B} $ by $ \hat{V}^{\varepsilon} $ and use our redefined versions of $ \sigma^{(m)} $ and $ \xi_{\eta}^{(m)} $. Thus,
formula~(65) in \cite{Gu18} can be applied. The estimates~(66) and (67) have to be replaced by
\begin{align*}
P\bigg(\sqrt{\varepsilon} |\rho| \sup_{t \in [0, T]} \Big|\int_{0}^{t} \sigma_s^{(m)}\, dB_s\Big| > \delta\bigg)
\leq P(\xi_{\eta}^{(m)} < T)
+ P\bigg(\sqrt{\varepsilon} |\rho| \sup_{t \in [0, \xi_{\eta}^{(m)}]} \Big|\int_{0}^{t} \sigma_s^{(m)}\, dB_s\Big| > \delta\bigg)
\end{align*}
and
\begin{align}\begin{split}
P(\xi_{\eta}^{(m)} < T)
& \leq P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} \big(\frac{\eta}{q(\eta)} |\hat{V}_t^{\varepsilon}| + |\hat{V}_t^{\varepsilon} - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}|\big) > \eta \Big)\\
& \leq P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t| > \frac{q(\eta)}{2}\Big)
+ P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_{\Xi(t)}| > \frac{\eta}{2}\Big).
\end{split}\end{align}
Using Lemma~\ref{le:lemma 27 from Gu18_arxiv}, we can handle the second term, and so it remains to find an appropriate estimate for the first term. Here we need to adapt the reasoning
in \cite{Gu18} because of the lack of Gaussianity.
By the LDP for $ \hat{V}^{\varepsilon} $ and the contraction principle applied to the mapping $ f \mapsto \sup_{t \in [0, T]} |f(t)| ,$ we get
\begin{align}
P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t| > \frac{q(\eta)}{2}\Big)
\leq \exp\Big({-\frac{\varepsilon^{-1}}{2}} \cdot I_{\sup}\big((\tfrac12 q(\eta), \infty)\big)\Big),
\end{align}
for $ \varepsilon > 0 $ small enough, where $ I_{\sup} $ is the rate function of $ \sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t| $.
Note that $ q(\eta) \nearrow \infty $ for $ \eta \searrow 0 $. So, we get
\begin{align}\label{eq:estimate for eta term 2}
\limsup_{\eta \searrow 0} \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P\Big(\sup_{t \in [0, T]} |\hat{V}_t^{\varepsilon}| > \frac{q(\eta)}{2}\Big)
= - \infty.
\end{align}
Using \eqref{eq:lemma 27 from Gu18_arxiv} and \eqref{eq:estimate for eta term 2}, we get (73) and (74) of \cite{Gu18}. Finally, we can complete the proof as in \cite{Gu18}.
\end{proof}
Let us continue the proof of Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)}. Lemma~\ref{lem:(4.2.24) for dembo zeitouni} states that condition~(4.2.24) in \cite{DeZe98} is satisfied. Furthermore, due to Lemma~\ref{lem:exponential equivalence for scalar case}, we know that $ \Phi_m(\sqrt{\varepsilon} W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ is an exponentially good approximation of $ \Phi(\sqrt{\varepsilon} W_T, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ as $ m \nearrow \infty $. Hence, we can use the extended contraction principle (Theorem~4.2.23 in \cite{DeZe98}), and get that $ \hat{X}^{\varepsilon}_T $ satisfies an LDP with good rate function $ I $ and speed $ \varepsilon^{-1} $.
We know from Lemma~\ref{lem:omit drift scalar} that $ \hat{X}^{\varepsilon}_T $ and $ X^{\varepsilon}_T $ are exponentially equivalent, and so we finally arrive at Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)}.
According to the extended contraction principle, we have
\begin{align*}
I_T(y)
= \inf \big\{ \hat{I}(x, f, g) : y = \Phi(x, f, g) \big\}.
\end{align*}
The rate function $ \hat{I} $ is only finite for
\begin{align*}
\hat{I}\big(y, f, \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))\big)
= \frac{T}{2} y^2
+ \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle.
\end{align*}
Note that $ \Gamma $ is the one-dimensional solution map that takes $ f $ to the solution of the ODE $ \dot{v} = \bar{b}(v) + \bar{\sigma}(v) \dot{f} $, $ v(0) = v_0 $.
Recall that the function $ \Phi $ can be written as
\begin{align*}
\Phi(y, f, g)
= \bar{\rho} \sqrt{\langle \sigma(g)^2, 1 \rangle} y
+ \rho \langle \sigma(g), \dot{f} \rangle.
\end{align*}
Hence, if $ x = \Phi(y, f, g) $, then
\begin{align*}
y
= \frac{x - \rho \langle \sigma(g), \dot{f} \rangle}{\bar{\rho} \sqrt{\langle \sigma(g)^2, 1\rangle}}.
\end{align*}
Inserting this into the rate function obtained through the contraction principle, we get
\begin{align}\begin{split}
I_T(y)
& = \inf \big\{ \hat{I}(x, f, g) : y = \Phi(x, f, g), ~f \in H_0^1, ~g = \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)) \big\}\\
& = \inf \Big\{ \frac{T}{2} y^2 + \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle : y = \frac{x - \rho \langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))), \dot{f} \rangle}{\bar{\rho} \sqrt{\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)))^2, 1\rangle}}, f \in H_0^1 \Big\}\\
& = \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \Big\{ \frac{T}{2} \Big(\frac{x - \rho \langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))), \dot{f} \rangle}{\bar{\rho} \sqrt{\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)))^2, 1\rangle}}\Big)^2 + \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle \Big\}.
\end{split}\end{align}
\subsection{Proof of Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price} (a sample path LDP)}
We adapt the arguments on pp.~8--11 in~\cite{Gu19}.
As in the preceding section, our starting point is that we already have an LDP for $ (\sqrt{\varepsilon} W, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $, see Corollary~\ref{cor:ldp for W,B,V hat}.
We redefine the functions $ \Phi $ and $ \Phi_m $ so that they map $ C[0, T]^3 $ to $ C[0, T] $. For $ l \in H_0^1[0, T] $ and $ (f, g) \in C[0, T]^2 $ such that $ f \in H_0^1[0, T] $ and $ g = \check{f} $,
\begin{align}
\Phi(l, f, g)(t)
= \bar{\rho} \int_{0}^{t} \sigma(\check{f}(s)) \dot{l}(s)\, ds
+ \rho \int_{0}^{t} \sigma(\check{f}(s)) \dot{f}(s)\, ds,
\quad 0 \leq t \leq T.
\end{align}
In addition, for all the remaining triples $ (l, f, g) $, we set $ \Phi(l, f, g)(t) = 0 $ for all $ t \in [0, T] $.
By the following lemma, we can remove the drift term.
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:omit drift path space}
The families of processes $ X^\varepsilon $ and $ \hat{X}^{\varepsilon} $ are exponentially equivalent, i.e.\ for every $ \delta > 0 $,
the following equality holds:
\begin{align}\label{eq:exponential equivalence drift on path space}
\limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(\|X^{\varepsilon} - \hat{X}^{\varepsilon}\|_{C[0, T]} > \delta)
= - \infty.
\end{align}
Here, $ \hat{X}^{\varepsilon} $ is defined in~\eqref{eq:X hat}.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
By taking into account the proof of Lemma~\ref{lem:omit drift scalar}, we see that just
one additional estimate is needed, namely
\begin{align*}
\| X^{\varepsilon} - \hat{X}^{\varepsilon} \|_{C[0, T]}
= \sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} | X^{\varepsilon}_t - \hat{X}^{\varepsilon}_t |
\leq \frac{1}{2} \varepsilon T \eta\big(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t|\big).
\end{align*}
Then we directly get
\begin{align*}
P(\| X^{\varepsilon} - \hat{X}^{\varepsilon} \| > \delta)
\leq P\Big(\frac{1}{2} \varepsilon T \eta\big(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t|\big) > \delta\Big)
= P\Big(\sup_{0 \leq t \leq T} |\hat{V}^{\varepsilon}_t| > \eta^{-1}\big(\frac{2 \delta}{\varepsilon T}\big) \Big),
\end{align*}
which is exactly the same expression as in the proof of \eqref{eq:exponential equivalence drift on state space}.
\end{proof}
The sequence of functionals $ (\Phi_m)_{m \geq 1} $ from $ C[0, T]^3 $ to $ C[0, T] $ is given for $ (r, h, l) \in C[0, T]^3 $ and $ t \in [0, T] $ by
\begin{align}\begin{split}
\Phi_m(r, h, l)(t)
= \bar{\rho} \bigg(\sum_{k = 0}^{[\frac{mt}{T} - 1]} \sigma(l(t_k)) [r(t_{k + 1}) - r(t_k)]
+ \sigma\big(l(\Xi(t))\big) \big[r(t) - r(\Xi(t))\big]\bigg)\\
+ \rho \bigg(\sum_{k = 0}^{[\frac{mt}{T} - 1]} \sigma(l(t_k)) [h(t_{k + 1}) - h(t_k)] + \sigma\big(l(\Xi(t))\big) \big[h(t) - h(\Xi(t))\big]\bigg).
\end{split}\end{align}
It is not hard to see that for every $ m \geq 1 $, the mapping $ \Phi_m $ is continuous.
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:dembo zeitoungi (4.2.24) for path space}
For every $ \zeta > 0 $ and $ y > 0 $,
\begin{align}
\limsup_{m \nearrow \infty} \sup_{\{(r, f) \in H_0^1[0, T]^2 :\, \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{r}(s)\, ds + \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \dot{f}(s)\, ds \leq \zeta\}} \| \Phi(r, f, \check{f}) - \Phi_m(r, f, \check{f}) \|_{C[0, T]^2}
= 0.
\end{align}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Lemma~\ref{lem:dembo zeitoungi (4.2.24) for path space}
can be obtained from the proofs of Lemma~\ref{lem:(4.2.24) for dembo zeitouni}, Lemma~21 in \cite{Gu18} and Lemma~2.13 in \cite{Gu19}. The only difference here is, that the supremum is taken over two functions from $ D_\eta = \{ w \in H_0^1[0, T] : \int_{0}^{T} \dot{w}^2\, ds \leq \eta \} $. By the uniform bound in the proof of Lemma~21 of \cite{Gu18}, this is actually irrelevant.
\end{proof}
Next, we will show that the family $ \Phi_m(\sqrt{\varepsilon} W, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $ is an exponentially good approximation for $ \Phi(\sqrt{\varepsilon} W, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) $, as $ m \nearrow \infty $.
\begin{lemma}\label{lem:exponentially good approximation on path space}
For every $ \delta > 0 $
\begin{align}
\lim\limits_{m \to \infty} \limsup_{\varepsilon \searrow 0} \varepsilon \log P(\| \Phi(\sqrt{\varepsilon}W, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) - \Phi_m(\sqrt{\varepsilon}W, \sqrt{\varepsilon} B, \hat{V}^{\varepsilon}) \|_{C[0, T]} > \delta) = -\infty.
\end{align}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
In the proof of
Lemma~\ref{lem:exponential equivalence for scalar case},
the estimate \eqref{eq:stronger condition for exponential equivalence} was formulated stronger than needed.
We can directly use this to show (2.13) of \cite{Gu19}. We can also get (2.14) of \cite{Gu19} this way. The ingredients of (55)--(65) in \cite{Gu18} do in fact depend on the Brownian motion $ B $ via the process $ \hat{V}^{\varepsilon} $. However, the reasoning for the estimate
\begin{align}
P\bigg(\sup_{t \in [0, \xi_\eta^{(m)}]} \varepsilon^H \Big| \int_{0}^{t} \sigma_s^{(m)}\, dB_s \Big| > \delta\bigg)
\leq \exp \Big(-\frac{\delta^2}{2 \varepsilon^{2 H} L(q(\eta))^2 \omega(\eta)^2}\Big)
\end{align}
in \cite{Gu18} stays the same if we replace the driving Brownian motion $ B $ by $ W $.
The rest of the proof from here on is essentially the same as in the proof of Theorem~2.9 in \cite{Gu19}.
\end{proof}
Just as in the preceding section, we combine Lemmas~\ref{lem:omit drift path space}--\ref{lem:exponentially good approximation on path space} to see that
Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price} follows from the extended contraction principle.
We have
\begin{align*}
Q(g)
= \inf \{ \hat{I}(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_1) : g = \Phi(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2) \}.
\end{align*}
The rate function $ \hat{I} $ is only finite for
\begin{align*}
\hat{I}(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2)
= \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{\psi_0}, \dot{\psi_0} \rangle
+ \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle,
\end{align*}
where $ \psi_1 = f $ and $ \psi_2 = \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)) $ for some $ f \in H_0^1[0, T] $.
Recall that the function $ \Phi $ is given by
\begin{align*}
\Phi(l, f, g)(t)
= \bar{\rho} \int_{0}^{t} \sigma(g(s)) \dot{l}(s)\, ds
+ \rho \int_{0}^{t} \sigma(g(s)) \dot{f}(s)\, ds,
\end{align*}
hence we can write
\begin{align*}
\dot{l}
= \frac{\partial_t (\Phi(l, f, g)) - \rho \sigma(g) \dot{f}}{\bar{\rho} \sigma(g)}.
\end{align*}
Finally, we get the rate function as follows:
\begin{align}\begin{split}
Q(g)
& = \inf \{ \hat{I}(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2) : g = \Phi(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2) \}\\
& = \inf \Big\{ \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{\psi_0}, \dot{\psi_0} \rangle + \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle : f \in H_0^1, ~\psi_1 = f, ~\psi_2 = \mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)),\\
& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\dot{\psi}_0 = \frac{\partial_t (\Phi(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2)) - \rho \sigma(\psi_2) \dot{\psi}_1}{\bar{\rho} \sigma(\psi_2)}, ~g = \Phi(\psi_0, \psi_1, \psi_2) \Big\}\\
& = \inf \bigg\{ \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{\psi}_0, \dot{\psi}_0 \rangle + \frac{1}{2} \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle : f \in H_0^1, ~\dot{\psi}_0 = \frac{\dot{g} - \rho \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))) \dot{f}}{\bar{\rho} \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f)))} \bigg\}\\
& = \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \bigg\{ \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} \Big(\frac{\dot{g}(t) - \rho \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))(t)) \dot{f}(t)}{\bar{\rho} \sigma(\mathcal{K}(U \circ \Gamma(f))(t))}\Big)^2\, dt + \frac{1}{2} \int_{0}^{T} |\dot{f}(t)|^2\, dt \bigg\}.
\end{split}\end{align}
\section{Large strike asymptotics}\label{sec:strike}
Under suitable scaling assumptions, large strike asymptotics of call prices are a natural
consequence of our small-noise LDP. To achieve a convenient scaling w.r.t.\ space, we assume in this
section that
\[
\sigma(x) = \sigma_0(1+x^\beta)
\]
for some $\sigma_0>0$ and $\beta \in(0,\tfrac12)$. Furthermore, $V$ is a drift-less
CIR process, i.e.\ $ \bar{\sigma}(x) = \sqrt{x} $ and $ \bar{b} \equiv 0 $,
and we take $U = \operatorname{id}$. We are thus dealing with a fractional
Heston-type model, where some degree of generality is preserved, as~$K$ may be an arbitrary kernel satisfying
Assumption~\ref{ass:kernel definition}.
We note that \emph{small time} asymptotics of this model are not within the scope
of our approach, because the standard transfer involving Brownian scaling leads (for the
fractional kernel)
to a small time regime where log-moneyness \emph{increases} as maturity shrinks,
which is of little practical interest.
Therefore, we consider large-strike approximations instead.
The drift-less log-price is
\begin{align*}
\hat{X}_T &= \sigma_0(\bar{\rho} W_T + \rho B_T)
+ \sigma_0 \int_{0}^{T} (\hat{V}_t)^\beta\, d (\bar{\rho} W_t + \rho B_t) \\
&=: \sigma_0(\bar{\rho} W_T + \rho B_T)+ \tilde{X}_T,
\end{align*}
and it is easy to see that the tail of the Gaussian term $\sigma_0(\bar{\rho} W_T + \rho B_T)$
is negligible, as is the passage from the log-price $X_T$ to $\hat{X}_T$.
It is clear from our assumptions that $\varepsilon V\stackrel{d}{=} V^{\varepsilon},$
and thus $\varepsilon \hat{V}\stackrel{d}{=} \hat{V}^{\varepsilon},$ for any $\varepsilon>0$.
Therefore,
\begin{align*}
\varepsilon^{\beta+1/2} \tilde{X}_T
&= \sqrt{\varepsilon} \sigma_0 \int_{0}^{T} (\varepsilon\hat{V}_t)^\beta\, d (\bar{\rho} W_t + \rho B_t) \\
&\stackrel{d}{=} \sqrt{\varepsilon}\sigma_0 \int_{0}^{T} (\hat{V}_t^\varepsilon)^\beta\, d (\bar{\rho} W_t + \rho B_t).
\end{align*}
Then, Theorem~\ref{thm:ldp for log-price (with W_T)} implies, for any $c>0$, that
\[
P(\varepsilon^{\beta+1/2} X_T \geq c) = \exp\Big({-\frac{I_T((c,\infty)) }{\varepsilon}}
(1+o(1)) \Big), \quad \varepsilon \searrow 0.
\]
Writing $k=\varepsilon^{-(\beta+1/2)}$ and $\gamma=(\beta+\tfrac12)^{-1}\in(1,2)$, we obtain
\begin{equation}\label{eq:strike}
P(X_T \geq k) = \exp\big( {-I_T((1,\infty))}k^\gamma (1+o(1)) \Big), \quad k\nearrow \infty,
\end{equation}
for $c=1$, and replacing $k$ by $ck$ we see that the rate function satisfies the scaling
property
\begin{equation}\label{eq:scaling}
I_T((c,\infty)) = c^\gamma I_T((1,\infty)), \quad c>0.
\end{equation}
This easily implies that the rate function is given by
\[
I_T(c) = c^\gamma I_T(1),\quad c>0.
\]
For the digital call price, \eqref{eq:strike} then yields
\begin{equation}\label{eq:dig}
P(S_T \geq K) = \exp\big( {-I_T(1)}(\log K)^\gamma (1+o(1)) \big),
\quad K\nearrow \infty;
\end{equation}
no confusion between the strike~$K$ and the kernel $K(\cdot,\cdot)$ should arise. Note that the choice of
the latter affects the value of $I_T(1)$ in~\eqref{eq:dig}.
Since $\gamma\in(1,2)$, this shows that the stock price $S_T$ has finite moments of all orders $p>0$.
Then Theorem~1.1 in~\cite{BeFr09} shows that call prices have the same logarithmic
large-strike
asymptotics as digital calls, which establishes the following result.
\begin{proposition}
In the model described at the beginning of this section, the call price satisfies
\[
E[(S_T-K)^+] = \exp\big( {-I_T(1)}(\log K)^\gamma (1+o(1)) \big),
\quad K\nearrow \infty,
\]
where $\gamma=(\beta+\tfrac12)^{-1}\in(1,2).$
\end{proposition}
\begin{remark}\label{rem:hoelder}
The paths of the CIR process~$V$ are $(\tfrac12-\delta)$-H\"older continuous
for any $\delta\in(0,\tfrac12)$ (see Lemma~7.1 in~\cite{BaDe20}).
If we choose the fractional kernel $K(s,t)=(t-s)^{H-1/2}$, $H\in(0,1),$ in the model considered in the present section, then the paths of $\hat{V}$ are in the
H\"older space $\mathcal{H}^{H+1-\delta}$. See Definition~1.1.6 (p.~6)
and Corollary~1.3.1 (p.~56) in~\cite{SaKiMa93}. In particular, since
$H+1-\delta>1$ for small~$\delta$, the paths
of~$\hat{V}$ are $C^1$ on $(0,T)$. By modifying the model, using
$U(x)=|x-V_0|^\kappa$ with $\kappa\in(0,1]$ instead of $U=\mathrm{id},$
the paths of~$\hat V$ become less smooth, namely $(\tfrac12\kappa+H+\tfrac12-\delta)$-H\"older continuous.
In addition, if $\sigma(x)=\sigma_0(1+x^{\beta})$, then the volatility
paths $t\mapsto\sigma_0(1+(\hat{V_t})^\beta)$ are $(\tfrac12\kappa\beta+(H+\tfrac12)\beta-\delta)$-H\"older continuous on $[0,T]$, for any small
enough $\delta>0$. While this H\"older exponent can be smaller than~$\tfrac12$, the volatility process is \emph{not} rough, because $\sigma(\cdot)$ is smooth
away from zero, and so ``roughness'' occurs only at time zero. Note
that in truly rough models, the volatility process is constructed using stochastic integrals
$\int_{0}^t K(t,s)dW_s$ or related processes, which is not the case in our setup.
\end{remark}
\section{Second order Taylor expansion of the rate function}
\label{sec:energy expansion}
In order to compute the rate function, a certain variational problem needs to be solved numerically. It might be preferable to use the Taylor expansion
of the rate function instead, if it can be computed in closed form.
The model from the preceding section is a case in point: By the scaling
property~\eqref{eq:scaling}, we may evaluate the rate function at a small $c>0$ of our choice.
For the special case where $ V = B^2 $ and $ U(x) = x $ or, alternatively, $ V = B $, $ U(x) = x^2 $, $ \bar{\sigma} \equiv 1 $ and $ \bar{b} \equiv 0 $, i.e.\ $ \Gamma \equiv \operatorname{id} $, we
now discuss how to expand the rate function, building on \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}.
\begin{proposition}\label{prop:rate function second derivative} Let $ U \equiv \operatorname{id} $ and $ V \equiv B^2 $. Furthermore, assume that $ \sigma $ is smooth (at least locally around $ 0 $). Suppose that the rate function $ I $ is also smooth locally around $ 0 $. Then, its Taylor expansion is
\begin{align}
\notag I(x)
& = I(0)
+ I'(0) x
+ I''(0) x^2
+ O(x^3)\\
\notag & = I''(0) x^2 + O(x^3)\\
& = \frac{1}{2 \sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3). \label{eq:I Taylor}
\end{align}
\end{proposition}
\begin{remark}
Formula~\eqref{eq:I Taylor} gives the second order Taylor expansion.
However, the ideas in the proof of Proposition~\ref{prop:rate function second derivative} can be used for higher orders. Clearly, the computations for the expansions get much more cumbersome in the latter case.
\end{remark}
\subsection{Proof of Proposition~\ref{prop:rate function second derivative}}
The proof is very similar to the one of Theorem~3.1 in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}. In the following, we will outline at which points adjustments are needed.
Note that for the special we are treating we have $ U(x) = x^2 $ and $ \Gamma \equiv \operatorname{id} $. To simplify computations in the proof, we use $ T = 1 $.
In Proposition~5.1 of \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}, there is a representation of the rate function that coincides with ours, except that different integral transforms are used. For our special case, we have
\begin{align}\label{eq:representation via G, F, E of rate function}
I(x)
:= \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \Big[\frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f))^2}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f)}
+ \frac{1}{2} \tilde{E}(f)\Big]
= \inf_{f \in H_0^1} \mathcal{I}_x(f),
\end{align}
where
\begin{align}
\tilde{G}(f)
&:= \int_{0}^{1} \sigma((\mathcal{K} (f^2))(s)) \dot{f}(s)\, ds
= \langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{f} \rangle,\\
\tilde{F}(f)
&:= \int_{0}^{1} \sigma((\mathcal{K} (f^2))(s))^2\, ds
= \langle \sigma^2(\mathcal{K} (f^2)), 1 \rangle,\\
\tilde{E}(f)
&:= \int_{0}^{1} |\dot{f}(s)|^2\, ds
= \langle \dot{f}, \dot{f} \rangle.
\end{align}
Recall that $ \mathcal{K} f = \int_{0}^{\cdot} K(\cdot, s) f(s)\, ds $. In \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} the authors use the same integral transform as used in \cite{Gu18,Gu19}, i.e.\ $ \mathcal{K} \dot{f} $. We have to adjust this to our case of $ \mathcal{K} (f^2) $. Here, $ \mathcal{I}_x $ denotes the functional that needs to be minimized to get the value of the rate function at $ x $.
First, we need to get a representation for the minimizing configuration $ f^x $ of the functional $ \mathcal{I}_x $. This is done like in Proposition~5.2 in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}. The corresponding expansions of the ingredients of the rate function for our setting for $ \delta > 0 $ are
\begin{align}
\label{eq:expansion E tilde}
\tilde{E}(f + \delta g)
&\approx \tilde{E}(f)
+ 2 \delta \langle \dot{f}, \dot{g} \rangle,\\
\label{eq:expansion F tilde}
\tilde{F}(f + \delta g)
&\approx \tilde{F}(f)
+ 2 \delta \langle (\sigma^2)'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle,\\
\label{eq:expansion G tilde}
\tilde{G}(f + \delta g)
&\approx \tilde{G}(f)
+ \delta (\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{g} \rangle + 2 \langle \sigma'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{f} \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle)
\end{align}
Note, that $ ``\approx" $ is defined in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} as
\begin{align}
A \approx B
: \Leftrightarrow A = B + o(\delta),
\quad \delta \searrow 0.
\end{align}
If $ f = f^x $ is a minimizer then $ \delta \mapsto \mathcal{I}_x(f + \delta g) $ has a minimum at $ \delta = 0 $ for all $ g $. Using \eqref{eq:expansion E tilde}, \eqref{eq:expansion F tilde} and \eqref{eq:expansion G tilde} we expand
\begin{align}\begin{split}
\mathcal{I}_x(f + \delta g)
& = \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f + \delta g))^2}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f + \delta g)} + \frac{1}{2} \tilde{E}(f + \delta g)\\
& \approx \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f))^2 - 2 \delta \rho (x - \rho \tilde{G}(f)) \big(\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{g} \rangle + 2 \langle \sigma'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{f} \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle\big)}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f) \big(1 + \frac{2 \delta}{\tilde{F}(f)} \langle (\sigma^2)'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), K(f g) \rangle\big)}\\
&~~~~~ + \frac{1}{2} \tilde{E}(f)
+ \delta \langle \dot{f}, \dot{g} \rangle\\
& \approx \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f))^2 - 2 \delta \rho (x - \rho \tilde{G}(f)) \big(\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{g} \rangle + 2 \langle \sigma'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{f} \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle\big)}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f)}\\
&~~~~~ - \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f))^2}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f)} \frac{2 \delta}{\tilde{F}(f)} \langle (\sigma^2)'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle
+ \frac{1}{2} \tilde{E}(f)
+ \delta \langle \dot{f}, \dot{g} \rangle.
\end{split}\end{align}
Now, as a consequence, for $ f = f^x $ and every $ g \in H_0^1[0, 1], $
\begin{align}\begin{split}
0 = \partial_{\delta} (\mathcal{I}_x(f + \delta g))_{\delta = 0}
& = - \frac{ 2 \rho (x - \rho \tilde{G}(f))\big(\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{g} \rangle + 2 \langle \sigma'(\mathcal{K}(f^2)), \dot{f} \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle \big)}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f)}\\
& - \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f))^2}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}^2(f)} 2 \langle (\sigma^2)' (\mathcal{K}(f^2), \mathcal{K}(f g) \rangle
+ \langle \dot{f}, \dot{g} \rangle.
\end{split}\end{align}
We have $ f_0^x = 0 $, for any $ x $. We now test with $ \dot{g} = \ind{[0, t]} $ for a fixed $ t \in [0, 1] $ and obtain
\begin{align}\begin{split}\label{eq:minimizing configuration}
f_t^x
& = \frac{\rho (x - \rho \tilde{G}(f^x))\big(\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2)), \ind{[0, t]} \rangle + 2 \langle \sigma'(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2)) , \dot{f^x} \mathcal{K}(f^x \operatorname{id}_{\leq t}) \rangle\big)}{\bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f^x)}\\
& + \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f^x))^2}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}^2(f^x)} 2 \langle (\sigma^2)'(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2)), \mathcal{K}(f^x \operatorname{id}_{\leq t}) \rangle,
\end{split}\end{align}
where we write
\begin{align}
\operatorname{id}_{\leq t} (s)
= g(s)
= \int_{0}^{s} \dot{g}(u)\, du
= \int_{0}^{s} \ind{[0, t]}(u)\, du
= \int_{0}^{s \wedge t} 1\, du
= s \wedge t.
\end{align}
Let us recall the ansatz in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}. The authors
of \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} choose for fixed $ x $ the optimizing function $ f^x $ for $ \mathcal{I}_x $, i.e.\ $ f^x = \operatorname{argmin}_{f \in H_0^1} \mathcal{I}_x(f) $. Therefore, the first order condition is $ \mathcal{I}'_x(f^x) = 0 $. The authors of \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} use the implicit function theorem to show that the minimizing configuration $ f^x $ is a smooth function in $ x $ (locally around $ x = 0 $). As $ \mathcal{I}_x $ is a smooth function, too, this implies the smoothness of $ x \mapsto \mathcal{I}_x(f^x) = I(x) $, at least in a neighborhood of~$ 0 $.
Note that for (26) and Lemma~5.3 in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}, the embedding $ \mathcal{K} : H_0^1 \to C $ works, because we have already
established that $ \mathcal{K} (U \circ f) $ is continuous (see Lemma~\ref{lem:f to f hat is continuous}).
In order to apply the implicit function theorem, the authors of \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} show that the ingredients of the rate function are Fr\'{e}chet differentiable by computing their Gateaux derivative.
This is more complicated in our case, because of the different integral
transform we use.
Therefore we \emph{assume} that the rate function is locally smooth around 0
in Proposition~\ref{prop:rate function second derivative}, and, consequently,
that Lemma~5.6 in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} holds.
After establishing that the implicit function theorem can be used, we can proceed as in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} up to Theorem~5.12 there.
Next, we will imitate the computations in Theorem~5.12 of \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} in order to get the expansion of the minimizing configuration in our setting. In fact, if we just want to obtain the second order expansion of the rate function in our setting for Brownian motion squared, it suffices to find the first order expansion of $ f^x $. Assuming the ansatz
\begin{align}
f_t^x
= \alpha_t x
+ O(x^2),
\end{align}
we get
\begin{align*}
f_t^x
& = \alpha_t x
+ O(x^2),\\
\dot{f}_t^x
& = \dot{\alpha}_t x
+ O(x^2),\\
\sigma(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2))
& = \sigma_0
+ O(x^2),\\
\sigma'(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2))
& = \sigma_0'
+ O(x^2),\\
\tilde{F}(f^x)
& = \sigma_0^2
+ O(x^2),\\
\tilde{G}(f^x)
& = \langle \sigma_0, \dot{\alpha} \rangle x
+ O(x^2).
\end{align*}
Therefore,
\begin{align*}
\langle \sigma(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2)), \ind{[0, t]} \rangle
& = \sigma_0 t + O(x),\\
2 \langle \sigma'(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2)), \dot{f}^x \mathcal{K}(f^x \operatorname{id}_{\leq t}) \rangle
& = O(x),\\
2 \langle (\sigma^2)'(\mathcal{K}((f^x)^2)), \mathcal{K}(f^x \operatorname{id}_{\leq t}) \rangle
&
= O(x),\\
x - \rho \tilde{G}(f^x)
& = (1 - \rho \sigma_0 \alpha_1) x
+ O(x^2),\\
(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f^x))^2
& = O(x^2).
\end{align*}
We use the previous formulas in \eqref{eq:minimizing configuration} to obtain
\begin{align}\begin{split}
f_t^x
& = \frac{\rho((1 - \rho \sigma_0 \alpha_1) x + O(x^2)) (\sigma_0 t + O(x))}{\bar{\rho}^2(\sigma_0^2 + O(x^2))}
+ \frac{O(x^2)}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 (\sigma_0^4 + O(x^2))} O(x)\\
& = \frac{\rho (1 - \rho \sigma_0 \alpha_1) x \sigma_0 t}{\bar{\rho}^2 \sigma_0^2}
+ O(x^2).
\end{split}\end{align}
Comparing the coefficients, we get the same result as the authors of \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19} for the first order expansion, i.e.\
\begin{align}
\alpha_t
= \frac{\rho (1 - \rho \sigma_0 \alpha_1)}{\bar{\rho}^2 \sigma_0} t.
\end{align}
Setting $ t = 1 $ and then computing $ \alpha_1 $ leads to the formula
\begin{align}
\alpha_t
= \frac{\rho}{\sigma_0} t.
\end{align}
Note that the first order expansion of the minimizing configuration $ f^x $ is \emph{exactly} the same as in \cite{BaFrGuHoSt19}. The reason is that the expansions of the ingredients of \eqref{eq:minimizing configuration} are relevant here, and these expansions coincide. For the second order expansion of the rate function, we need second order expansions of its ingredients. These are given in the following formulas, where $\operatorname{id}^2$ denotes
the quadractic function $s\mapsto s^2$:
\begin{align*}
\frac{1}{2} \tilde{E}(f^x)
& = \frac{1}{2} \frac{\rho^2}{\sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3),\\
(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f^x))^2
& = \bar{\rho}^4 x^2 + O(x^3)\\
\tilde{F}(f^x)
& = \sigma_0^2
+ (\sigma_0^2)' \langle \mathcal{K}(\alpha^2), 1 \rangle x^2
+ O(x^3)\\
& = \sigma_0^2 + (\sigma_0^2)' \frac{\rho^2}{\sigma_0^2} \langle \mathcal{K}(\operatorname{id}^2), 1 \rangle x^2 + O(x^3).
\end{align*}
Finally, we get the Taylor expansion of the rate function by taking
into account the reasoning above. We insert the expansion
\begin{align}
f_t^x
= \alpha_t x
+ O(x^2)
= \frac{\rho}{\sigma_0} t x
+ O(x^2)
\end{align}
and the expansions above into Eq.~\eqref{eq:minimizing configuration} for the minimizing configuration. Then, we get
\begin{align}
\mathcal{I}_x(f^x)
\notag & = \frac{(x - \rho \tilde{G}(f^x))^2}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \tilde{F}(f^x)} + \frac{1}{2} \tilde{E}(f^x)\\
\notag & = \frac{\bar{\rho}^4 x^2 + O(x^3)}{2 \bar{\rho}^2 \big(\sigma_0^2 + (\sigma_0^2)' \frac{\rho^2}{\sigma_0^2} \langle \mathcal{K}(\operatorname{id}^2), 1 \rangle x^2 + O(x^3)\big)}
+ \frac{1}{2} \frac{\rho^2}{\sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3)\\
\notag & = \frac{\bar{\rho}^2}{2 \sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3)
+ \frac{1}{2} \frac{\rho^2}{\sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3)\\
\notag & = \frac{1}{2 \sigma_0^2} ( \bar{\rho}^2 + \rho^2) x^2 + O(x^3)\\
& = \frac{1}{2 \sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3),
\end{align}
and hence the following expansion holds:
\begin{align}
I(x)
= \mathcal{I}_x(f^x)
= \frac{1}{2 \sigma_0^2} x^2 + O(x^3).
\end{align}
\section*{Acknowledgement}
We gratefully acknowledge financial support from the Austrian Science Fund (FWF) under grant P~30750.
\bibliographystyle{siam}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 4,081 |
Fun Home: a family tragicomic
Alison Bechdel, (aut.)
1ª ed.(2007)
Langue: Inglés
In this groundbreaking, bestselling graphic memoir, Alison Bechdel charts her fraught relationship with her late father. In her hands, personal history becomes a work of amazing subtlety and power, written with controlled force and enlivened with humor, rich literary allusion, and heartbreaking detail. Distant and exacting, Bruce Bechdel was an English teacher and director of the town funeral home, which Alison and her family referred to as the "Fun Home." It was not until college that Alison, who had recently come out as a lesbian, discovered that her father was also gay. A few weeks after this revelation, he was dead, leaving a legacy of mystery for his daughter to resolve.
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"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 8,556 |
Q: Angular - How to exclude image from the insert when image is null In Angular-12, I am triying to upload image and also insert other fields. The image will go into a directly in the backend, which the name will be inserted in the database. I have this code:
Interface:
export interface IVehicle {
id?: number;
registration_number: string;
vehicle_image?: any;
}
Service:
public addVehicle(vehicle: IVehicle): Observable<IVehicle> {
return this.http.post<IVehicle>(this.api.baseURL + 'vehicles/add', vehicle, this.httpOptions);
}
Component:
createForm!: FormGroup;
vehicle!: IVehicle;
isLoading = false;
isSubmitted = false;
url = '';
path = "";
files ? : any;
data1: any;
constructor(
private fb: FormBuilder,
private router: Router,
private store: Store < AppState > ,
private vehicleService: VehicleService,
) {}
createVehicle() {
this.createForm = this.fb.group({
registration_number: ['', [Validators.required]],
[
RxwebValidators.extension({
extensions: ["jpg", "jpeg", "bmp", "png", "gif", "svg"]
})
]]
});
}
onSelectFile(event: any) {
if (event.target.files && event.target.files[0]) {
var reader = new FileReader();
reader.readAsDataURL(event.target.files[0]); // read file as data url
this.files = event.target.files[0];
reader.onload = (event: any) => { // called once readAsDataURL is completed
// console.log(event);
this.url = event.target.result;
}
}
}
submitForm() {
this.isSubmitted = true;
// stop here if form is invalid
if (this.createForm.invalid) {
return;
}
this.vehicle = {
registration_number: this.createForm.value.registration_number,
vehicle_image: (this.files, this.files.name),
};
this.vehicleService.addVehicle(this.vehicle).subscribe(res => {
this.data1 = res;
this.tokenCreateHandler(res);
},
error => {
this.store.dispatch(loadErrorMessagesSuccess(error));
this.isLoading = false;
});
}
}
HTML:
<div class="col-lg-4">
<div class="form-group">
<label for="registration_number">Registration No.:<span style="color:red;">*</span></label>
<input type="text" formControlName="registration_number" placeholder="XB-547-AG" class="form-control" required/>
</div>
<div *ngIf="isSubmitted || (fc.registration_number.touched && fc.registration_number.invalid)">
<div *ngIf="fc.registration_number.hasError('required')">
<div class="text-danger">
Registration Number is required!
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<div class="col-lg-4">
<div class="form-group">
<label for="vehicle_image">Vehicle Image:</label>
<div class="card-body box-profile">
<div class="text-center">
<img class="profile-user-img img-fluid img-circle" [src]="url || 'assets/img/no-image.png'" alt="No Vehicle Image" onerror="this.src='assets/img/no-image.png'" style="height:150px; width:150px">
</div>
<div class="form-group">
<input formControlName="vehicle_image" id="vehicle_image" type="file" class="form-control" accept=".jpg,.jpeg,.bmp,.png,.gif,.svg" (change)="onSelectFile($event)">
<div *ngIf="fc.vehicle_image.touched && fc.vehicle_image.invalid">
<div *ngIf="fc.vehicle_image.hasError('extension')">
<div class="text-danger">
Enter valid File Type!
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
The vehicle_image should be nullable.
How do I add a condition that when no vehicle_image is selected, it should bypass and there should be no error?
Thanks
A: Something like this, maybe? You can check if uploaded file's length is greater than 0. If it is 0 then the uploaded file is null or does not contain any information. In this case, your upload method returns and nothing happens.
onSelectFile(event: any) {
if (event.target.files && event.target.files[0]) {
var reader = new FileReader();
let img = event.target.files[0];
// Check if img is something valid
if(img.length == 0){
this.files = undefined;
return;
}
// continue if the uploaded file actually contains some information
reader.readAsDataURL(img); // read file as data url
this.files = img;
reader.onload = (event: any) => { // called once readAsDataURL is completed
// console.log(event);
this.url = event.target.result;
}
}
}
And then you can build your model this way:
this.vehicle = {
registration_number: this.createForm.value.registration_number,
vehicle_image: this.files == undefined
? null
: (this.files, this.files.name),
};
Let me know in the comments if this is what you're looking for.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 8,955 |
India TV News online - Tv živě
India TV News
Země: Indie
Kategorie: Obecné
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The rise of India TV as India's leading news channel within a short span of its existence owes a lot to the vision of its chairman and editor-in-chief Rajat Sharma and the dedication and toil of its ever-growing team of bright news TV professionals.Rajat Sharma co-founded India TV with his wife Ritu Dhawan in April, 2004 from a swanky studio in Film City, Noida, then considered one of Asia's largest news TV studios.In 1997, Rajat Sharma and Ritu Dhawan set up their own production house –Independent News Service (INS), the parent company which owns India TV.In a short period, India TV has created benchmarks in innovation, impact, ratings, time spends, and viewer-support. Indeed, India TV's newsbreaks have inspired talk shows on rival channels, Bollywood films, BBC documentaries and articles in Time Magazine, even Amul hoardings.
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"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 4,598 |
Macumae (松前町; Macumae-čó) je město v okrese Macumae v podprefektuře Ošima na ostrově Hokkaidó v Japonsku.
V bývalém sídelním městě rodu Macumae (han) stojí hrad Macumae. Ten byl postaven v období Edo a je proto velmi neobvyklý pro Hokkaidó.
K 31. březnu 2008 mělo město 9 967 obyvatel, hustotu osídlení 36,51 ob./km² a celkovou rozlohu 293,09 km².
Reference
Externí odkazy
Oficiální stránky města Macumae (japonsky)
Přístavní města v Japonsku
Prefektura Hokkaidó | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 2,487 |
\part*{Prelude}
\addcontentsline{toc}{part}{Prelude}
\doublespace
\chapter{Peculiar properties of time}
\epigraph{The universe is metamorphosed into a story about running brooks, poetry, and music}
Time is a topic that fascinates many for its ability to inspire awe and curiosity. Due to its omnipresence, time is discussed from various perspectives, under different contexts, and across many disciplines. On the one hand, we observe and conceive time in everyday life for practical purposes. Musicians improve their crafts by carefully engineering time-related musical structures, thereby manipulating audience's anticipation and expectation in order to achieve desirable performance effects. For example, performers take advantage of time by using devices such as rubato to create the so-called ``magical moments'', a term listeners frequently use to describe expressive performances. On the other hand, philosophers, scientists, and theologians whose areas of study are less relevant to everyday life, inquire into the issue of time as one of the fundamental questions of our universe. Augustine, in his ``Confessions'', makes a remark concerning the puzzling and paradoxical quality of time:
\begin{quote}
\label{augustine_time}
What is time? [...] We surely know what we mean when we speak of it. We also know what is meant when we hear someone else talking about it. What then is time? provided that no one asks me, I know. If I want to explain it to an inquirer, I do not know. \autocite[230]{2009confessions}
\end{quote}
His remark suggests that time seems to possess the magical property that, upon conscious inspection, resists rational understanding and explanation. Similar phenomenon can be found in the field of art. For example, in music, listeners are astounded by outstanding performances. However, upon reflection, listeners are likely unable to explain, in technical terms, how exactly the performance they experienced is expressive. Metaphorically, musicians are like magicians who inspire awe from the audience, yet must deliberately hide the method from which the awe is derived. We attribute the term ``genius'' to performers who have the ability to present successful performances whose inner workings remain inexplicable to the general public. In his ``Critique of Judgment'', Kant even goes as far as to claim that the inner working remains ultimately unknown to the author himself/herself:
\begin{quote}
{[}If{]} an author owes a product to his{[}/her{]} genius, he himself{[}/she herself{]} does not know how he{[}/she{]} came by the ideas for it; nor is it in his{[}/her{]} power to devise such products at his{[}/her{]} pleasure, or by following a plan, and to communicate {[}his/her procedure{]} to others in precepts that would enable them to bring about like products.\autocite[175]{kant_pluhar_1987}
\end{quote}
It is through the resistance to rational understanding that genius is valued for its uniqueness, originality, and singularity. Similarly, time is puzzling and fascinating, as it easily can be felt, but hardly understood.
After recognizing the peculiarity of time, we may indulge our curiosity further by asking: what exactly are the outstanding properties of time? What specifically makes time a fascinating topic worth discussing?
\chapter{Explanatory power of time}
By answering the questions above, we become capable of acquiring a better understanding of musical topics, as music necessarily takes place in time. The explanatory power of time is essential to understanding music. Metaphorically, as suggested by Schlesinger in his book ``Aspects of Time'', time can be interpreted as a container\label{container_metaphor_of_time}, such that ``every event occur{[}s{]} at some point in time''.\autocite[3]{schlesinger_1980} We can further extend the metaphor of the container by saying that a better understanding of the container (i.e.~time) pertaining to its characteristics will also benefit our understanding of its contained object (i.e.~music). Using the dichotomy of form and content, we may claim that our perception of the content is shaped by the form through whose medium the content is presented. Moreover, even for the sake of a musical discourse, some conclusions about music are possible to be derived only if we look at a bigger picture: time and its general properties. For example, without having the idea of temporal asymmetry in mind, we might not recognize that, as will be discussed in later sections, some microscopic musical structures such as phrase model (see section \ref{section:phrase structure}) and macroscopic structures such as musical form (see section \ref{section:bar form}) bear close resemblance. Once we use time as an overarching topic, a ``point of intersection'', we are then empowered to explain and organize various issues of interest that are commonly encountered in music. Time as a topic, has the organizational power to group commonality in music that is difficult to notice otherwise. In particular, structures occurring at different organizational levels can be explained by a common root cause: attributes of temporal processes at different scales that permeate musical phenomena.
The organizational power found in the topic of time is akin to that of music history. If we study each piece in isolation without considering the overall historical trend and stylistic characteristics as a organizing mechanism, then the repertoire of musical works would look disparate in the sense that all pieces are unrelated. One of the practical consequences is that, for performers, preparing a piece for performance becomes less effective. In such a case, one has to treat the piece as completely new, without referring to knowledge, from prior experience, of pieces similar in style (e.g.~those from the same composer or from the same time period).
\section{Time as a universal theme across topics}
\label{section:aop}
Thus, to embark on a journey inquiring the nature of time and its relations to music, amounts to crosscutting the universe (or the topoi) of musical discourse. The term ``crosscutting'' here is borrowed from the field of computer science, as appeared in the term ``cross-cutting concerns''. For a software application, we can often find ways to decompose it into different logical units bearing various possible names: functions, components, modules, features or concerns. For example, a typical music streaming application consists of several components. It should have a component that provides searching functionality, so that users can search for specific songs using a set of keywords. Meanwhile, for users without a specific search target in mind, who simply would like to explore new songs, the application should have a component that displays a collection of recommended songs to the users. Finally, the application should provide a component that plays the selected song, i.e.~a music player component. The above examples of components are, using terminology from computer science again, encapsulations of the application's functionality. Metaphorically, we can think of the components as being encapsulated into separate ``capsules'', with each capsule attaining a clearly-defined boundary. Musically, the metaphor of capsules can be illustrated using the example of sonata form: a piece of music exhibiting the formal structure of sonata form is divided into components named exposition, development, and recapitulation. Each component in sonata form can be viewed as a capsule with clearly-defined boundary. For example, the boundary between the exposition and development is often notated visually by a repeat sign. The advantage of encapsulation is that the architecture of the application's design is well structured. Practically, the team of developers can adopt a strategy called the division of labor to assign tasks concerning well-defined components to specific team members.
With each component clearly defined and encapsulated, however, there are some ``aspects'' that span across multiple components. Continuing the musical metaphor using sonata form above, certain topics are found across exposition, development, and recapitulation. For example, the topic of tension-release is an aspect that spans across exposition, development, and recapitulation. For the example of the music streaming application above, one aspect that is found in all three components is that the user must be logged-in in order to use the streaming service provided by the application. Therefore, user authentication in this case, is a cross-cutting concern of the application, because it metaphorically ``crosscuts'' three components. In computer science, there is a specific design paradigm named ``aspect oriented programming'' (abbreviated as ``AOP'') that primarily deals with cross-cutting concerns:
\begin{quote}
AOP is often defined as a technique that promotes separation of concerns in a software system. Systems are composed of several components, each responsible for a specific piece of functionality. But often these components also carry additional responsibilities beyond their core functionality. System services such as logging, transaction management, and security often find their way into components whose core responsibilities is something else. These system services are commonly referred to as cross-cutting concerns because they tend to cut across multiple components in a system.\autocite[10]{walls_2011}
\end{quote}
The concept of cross-cutting concerns can be applied to music via analogy. In addition to the specific metaphor using sonata form illustrated above, we approach music from a multitude of perspectives depending on topics of interest. As such, the field of music is partitioned into various subdisciplines. Given an arbitrary piece of music, if the interest is on the socio-historical context under which the piece is composed, then the approach takes the form of music history. If the interest is on the musical aspect of the piece, treating it as an ahistorical and autonomous object of art, then we can pick applicable analytical devices to approach the piece as we see fit. Among examples of analytical devices are harmony, counterpoint, formal analysis. As a practical consequence, these partition schemes give rise practically to standard courses commonly found in music conservatories: music theory (which can be further divided into harmony and counterpoint), music history, performance practice, etc. Within the broad categories above, there are specific theories providing unique insight and interpretations to the piece. To name a few, we encounter theories such as species counterpoint, sonata theory, Schenkerian analysis, music set theory, serialism, neo-Riemannian theory, etc. These theories may have their unique merits, weakness, and areas of focus. For example, Schenkerian analysis is effective in treating tonal music (or more specifically, a certain subset of tonal music), and its explanatory power becomes questionable once we take into account non-tonal music. However, regardless of the specific contents proposed by various theories, they necessarily share a common feature that, by definition, they are studies of music, which invariably involves arrangement of events in time. Now, we can extend the analogy of cross-cutting concerns as follows: different subdisciplines and theories about music act as encapsulated components designated to explain musical phenomena. Meanwhile, the issue of time serves as a cross-cutting concern, because it tends to ``cut across multiple components'' of musical research.
\chapter{Unique feature of time: directionality}
Among properties of time, the most distinguishable one concerns directionality of time. We seem to have a priori knowledge of the directionality of time that is independent from empirical observations. In particular, the directionality of time entails that time necessarily flows from the past to the future. A piece of music can then be figuratively described as a process of unfolding, whose direction points from the past (that is already unfolded and visible), through the present, into the future (that is still folded and invisible).
\section{Space and time: a comparison}
\label{space_vs_time}
The directionality of time becomes even more evident once we contrast it with that of space. In space, there is no absolute direction, in the sense that directions can be named arbitrarily: there is no intrinsic difference between left and right, at least for the macroscopic world we experience daily. It is up to our conventions that we define directions the way they are. For example, some countries adopt left-hand traffic while others adopt right-hand traffic. Meanwhile, both conventions are equally justified. In other words, spatial directions amount to arbitrary choice, rather than necessity. In mathematics, in order to determine the direction of cross product, the orientation of the vector space must be determined in advance. However, the choice of orientation is arbitrary. It is due to convention, not necessity, that we often pick the orientation such that the cross product abide by the right-hand rule, as opposed to the equally valid left-hand rule. Furthermore, we can consider a thought experiment as follows. A possible universe in which right-handed population is majority is not substantially different from the one in which left-handed population is majority. The arbitrariness of choice precisely refers to the fact that outcomes resulting from different choices are indistinguishable from one another.
Physicist Feynman, in his publication ``The Feynman Lectures on Physics'', delivers a vivid parable illustrating the problem of distinguishing spatial orientations:
\begin{quote}
[Imagine] that we were talking to a Martian, or someone very far away, by telephone. We are not allowed to send him any actual samples to inspect; for instance, if we could send light, we could send him right-hand circularly polarized light and say, ``That is right-hand light---just watch the way it is going.'' But we cannot give him anything, we can only talk to him. He is far away, or in some strange location, and he cannot see anything we can see. For instance, we cannot say, ``Look at Ursa major; now see how those stars are arranged. What we mean by `right' is \ldots{}'' We are only allowed to telephone him.
Now we want to tell him all about us. Of course, first we start defining numbers, and say, ``Tick, tick, two, tick, tick, tick, three, \ldots,'' so that gradually he can understand a couple of words, and so on. After a while we may become very familiar with this fellow, and he says, ``What do you guys look like?'' We start to describe ourselves, and say, ``Well, we are six feet tall.'' He says, ``Wait a minute, what is six feet?'' Is it possible to tell him what six feet is? Certainly! We say, ``You know about the diameter of hydrogen atoms---we are 17,000,000,000 hydrogen atoms high!'' That is possible because physical laws are not invariant under change of scale, and therefore we can define an absolute length. {[}\ldots{]} we start to describe the various organs on the inside, and we come to the heart, and we carefully describe the shape of it, and say, ``Now put the heart on the left side.'' He says, ``Duhhh---the left side?'' Now our problem is to describe to him which side the heart goes on without his ever seeing anything that we see, and without our ever sending any sample to him of what we mean by ``right''---no standard right-handed object. Can we do it? \autocite{feynman_leighton_sands_2013}
\end{quote}
The task involves teaching the concept of left and right in a purely verbal manner, without referring to any potentially shared experience. The solution, according to Feynman, is a convoluted yes, involving substantial use of atomic physics:
\begin{quote}
In short, we can tell a Martian where to put the heart: we say, ``Listen, build yourself a magnet, and put the coils in, and put the current on, and then take some cobalt and lower the temperature. Arrange the experiment so the electrons go from the foot to the head, then the direction in which the current goes through the coils is the direction that goes in on what we call the right and comes out on the left.'' So it is possible to define right and left, now, by doing an experiment of this kind.\autocite{feynman_leighton_sands_2013}
\end{quote}
Later on, the author proceeds to the notion of antimatter which further complicates the issue, as it makes the choice of handedness arbitrary again. Without going into further details that are beyond the scope of this paper, the sheer difficulty of answering the seemingly trivial question of distinguishing left from right demonstrates how absolute direction in space can be a tricky issue to tackle.
In contrast to that of space, orientation of time seems to be straightforward. We consider again the thought experiment of teaching the Martians. However, this time we would like to teach them about distinguishing the past from the future. Then the task is simple. By definition, every process takes place in time. Therefore, we may take any process, and mark its beginning and ending. Then the relationship between the marked beginning and the ending corresponds exactly to that between what we call the past and the future. The remaining task is about finding a strategy to mark the beginning and ending, as well as distinguishing between them. The instruction for the curious Martians is straightforward. If they are enthusiastic about music, then we may teach them the following: have a notebook ready, and start playing a piece of music. Then write down notes upon detecting change of states. Without loss of generality, we may assume that there are only two possibilities for change of states: from silence to sounding music, and from sounding music to silence. The rules of writing notes are the following: 1) if a change of state is encountered and the notebook is empty, write ``beginning'', and 2) if a change of state is encountered and the notebook already has the word ``beginning'' on it, then write ``ending''. The two rules uniquely determine the way through which the beginning and ending are marked. From the example above, we can easily notice the crux of the issue. Orientation of time is straightforward because we have ways to remember the past (by the act of note-taking in the example), whereas the idea of remembering the future leads to absurdity. In other words, we are able to potentially recall the past with the help of objects named ``records''. On the other hand, the only way we can inquire into the future is through prediction. Acts of recalling and predicting involve procedures and mechanisms that are fundamentally different. Knowing the difference between the two, as we will discuss in section \ref{section:epistemic difference between the past and the future}, is crucial for a better understanding of music, since music perception heavily depends on recall (of heard events) and anticipation (of upcoming events).
Meanwhile, orientation of time is non-arbitrary. More specifically, the choice of the direction in which time flows is not a play of words or convention in the following sense. Let us consider again the above thought experiment of imagining a possible world in which left-handed population is majority. This time, instead of substituting right-handed population for left-handed one, we choose to imagine a possible world in which time flows backwards, in the sense that cause follows effect, instead of preceding it. Consequently, such a possible world would be saliently different to our current one. In fact, it might be incomprehensible to us at all. How could we possibly understand a world in which effect precedes cause? For instance, how could we enjoy a concert whose finale comes before the opening movement? The reason for such incomprehensibility is partly that the temporal order of events is embedded in the definition of causality. Therefore, cause, by definition, comes before effect. Analogously, the opening movement, by definition, comes before the finale. To claim otherwise amounts to stating a logically contradictory statement: the finale which by definition follows the opening movement is at the same time preceding the opening movement, constituting a logical conjunction of mutually exclusive propositions.
\section{Artistic implications}
The difficulty of imagining the backward flow of time shows how the directionality of time is so ingrained and hard-coded in our mindset, that if the directionality is modified, then time is rendered incomprehensible and perplexing. In fact, it is precisely due to our ingrained intuition of the flow of time, that artists often employ strategies to counter such intuition in order to achieve surprising dramatic effects. For example, in his magnum opus ``Faust'', Goethe describes an unrealistically strange scene:
\begin{quote}
Show me the fruit that rots before it's plucked and trees that grow their greenery anew each day! \autocite[131]{1985faust}
\end{quote}
Spoken by Faust during his confrontation with Mephistopheles, the quoted passage addresses Faust's wish to experience the impossible and the transcendental. It is under such circumstance that the wager between Faust and Mephistopheles unfolds, becoming the direct cause for plots that follow. It is worth noting how the author conveys the idea of experiencing the impossible and the transcendental: through portraying time poetically, achieving the poetic effect by means of distorting our common sense about time. Our common sense indicates that fruits rot after they have grown mature, and trees turn green annually. In the quoted passage, however, the sequence of their life cycle is substantially altered by means of temporal disorientation and acceleration, respectively. While tampering with our common temporal perception may render time incomprehensible as discussed previously, which is undesirable for many practical purposes, it may be desirable for the sake of artistic effects. Besides the literary example of Faust illustrated above, manipulating temporal perception (in particular, temporal disorientation) is in general a powerful expressive tool across many artistic disciplines. Consider additionally the following examples: a broken glass is restored spontaneously from the floor onto the table; a dead person rises from the tomb. As discussed previously for similar examples, we are perplexed upon encountering such examples because they are incomprehensible. However, if we now try to adopt an artistic perspective, we may experience the emotion of wonderment, making these examples awe-inspiring. In fact, the emotion of awe in this case has the same origin as the previously mentioned quality of incomprehensibility. It is exactly due to our lack of ability to comprehend temporal disorientation, that we feel awe as an emotional consequence. Such an awe-inspiring device is commonly found in the arts as well as religions. For example, rising from the dead (i.e.~resurrection) is one of the cornerstones of Christianity, directly resulting in Easter being the most important day in the liturgical calendar. The same concept finds its importance in music as we take into consideration religious and religion-inspired repertoire. In section \ref{section:resurrection as recurrence in action}, we will examine Bach's St Matthew passion and the Christmas oratorio as a musical case study of the concept of resurrection, which is itself a powerful musical tool that takes full advantage of temporal disorientation.
\section{Further decomposition}
\label{section:further_decomposition}
We need to take a step back, and realize that when we state that ``time flows from the past to the future'', the statement can be further decomposed into two substatements. The first states that, when viewed from the present, the future looks vastly different from the past. The sheer distinguishability between the past and the future gives rise to the notion of temporal asymmetry. Metaphorically, we may imagine an old style weighing balance, with the past and the future respectively placed at both ends. Then temporal asymmetry amounts to assigning the past and the future different weights. The second substatement further adds a condition that assigns a specific arrow of time relating temporal events in a particular order, that time flows definitively from the past to the future, never the other way around. Extending the weighing balance metaphor, the second substatement specifies that the future weighs more than the past, such that if we were to place a drop of water on top of the balance, it would naturally flow toward the future end of the balance.
In the following section, we will use the two substatements previously mentioned as a point of departure. The goal is to discuss a few general remarks relating to the notion of temporal asymmetry from a philosophical and scientific perspective, thereby providing necessary prerequisites and insights for a musical discourse that follows.
\part{A discursive quest}
\chapter{Necessity of extramusical discussion}
Before discussing and exploring how temporal asymmetry is at work in music, it is deemed necessary to get a sense of how commonly we encounter the topic of temporal asymmetry across various fields. By expanding the universe of discourse so that the scope of discussion is no longer limited to music, we may better understand how we are situated in discussing the topic of temporal asymmetry. Poetically speaking, we may view the collection of all fields of study as comprising an atlas. Then our objective is to have a birdview of the entire landscape of such an atlas. Consequently, when the discussion eventually returns to music, we are equipped with a holistic understanding of the topic.
We would like to inquire how various disciplines observe and explain the phenomenon of temporal asymmetry. In particular, the focus is on the key concepts that frequently emerge during the inquiry. By focusing on these key concepts, we discover essential topics that a fruitful discussion must presuppose. For example, one important aspect of temporal asymmetry involves the idea of trace: records of the past that make our inference of the past different from prediction of the future. Once we know the role of trace in a scientific context, the same topic can be used to guide our musical inquiry: how the role of memory shapes the way we listen to music and anticipate upcoming musical events. For example, we may ask about how musical repetitions take advantage of our memory capacity. That is, after knowing the key concepts relevant to temporal asymmetry in non-music subjects, we obtain the knowledge of what to look for in music. One may challenge such indirect strategy by claiming that it is entirely feasible to conduct an inquiry into the issue of temporal asymmetry in music without consulting other fields of study, treating it as a purely musical quest. While it is true that confining the topic exclusively to music is feasible, it may be nevertheless limiting. The limiting factor can be stated in two ways: the topic of time is often ignored in music, and the topic of time is actively discussed in other fields.
\section{Temporality as an ignored topic in music}
We start with a counterintuitive observation: we often overlook the role of temporal structure in music. It might sound unexpected at first. After all, in instrumental lessons, one of the most frequently discussed topics is timing. Additionally, meter, rhythm and formal analysis, being temporal structures, are indeed essential components of music theory and analysis. Finally, music is, by definition, dependent on time as its essential medium of expression. However, there are two justifications backing up the claim that temporal structure is an overlooked topic, corresponding to two perspectives:
\begin{itemize}
\item
Temporality in comparison to other musical topics
\item
Temporality in music compared to other disciplines
\end{itemize}
\subsection{Temporality in comparison to other musical topics}
Within the realm of musical discourse, if we consider conventional music theory and analysis, an important rule of thumb states that pitch is more important than rhythm. In other words, the majority of theories, as far as Western art music is concerned, focus on pitch contents and pitch relations more than their rhythmic counterparts. For example, theoretical constructs central to Schenkerian analysis often omit rhythmic structures in the sense that a typical Schenkerian graph reveals more insights about pitch relations (i.e.~Ursatz and prolongational spans) while discarding most of the durational information. Because the durational information is filtered out, we are typically unable to recover the temporal proportion of the original piece it represents. In other words, Schenkerian graph as a graphical representation of analytical reduction, filters out durational information because the theory considers rhythmic structures as constructs subordinate to pitch contents and pitch relations, hence are subject to omission in analysis. In fact, we may even find abuse of notation in a typical Schenkerian graph: note values become time-irrelevant. For example, Salzer puts a footnote in his Schenkerian treatise ``Structural hearing'':
\begin{quote}
The use of half-notes for chords of the structural progression in the graph is not intended to indicate time-values, but to differentiate structural points from chords having a different function. \autocite[12]{salzer_1952}
\end{quote}
Therefore, rhythmic structure may be described as, borrowing ideas from Schenkerian analysis itself, foreground elaborations that can be omitted due to its lesser importance.
We obtain a similar conclusion if we consider serialism as a case study. One of its central constructs is the tone row along with rules for manipulating the tone row. However, the tone row, evident from its name, is an exclusively pitch-based construct. It is possible that the development of total serialism is a response to the limitations of the pitch-based serialism, by extending the same technique to musical parameters other than pitch, in particular, rhythm. However, simply seen from the historical development itself, we can observe the implied subordination: serialism was developed with pitch manipulation in mind, and it was later on extended and ported to cover rhythm and other parameters such as timbre and dynamic. Therefore, rhythm is a subordinate to (or alternatively, a derivative of) pitch. More explicitly, when we apply serialist techniques to rhythmic parameters, we necessarily ignore temporal structures because serial rules were not originally developed with the concept of temporal structures in mind.
Additionally, if we inspect the overall historical development of music theory and analysis, then we also discover that most of the elaborate theories focus on pitch relations. To name a few examples, species counterpoint is appropriate for pre-tonal music; tonal harmony is, by definition, suited to tonal music; serialism and pitch-class set theory are designed for post-tonal music. Moreover, as illustrated in the case of total serialism, theories of temporality are often extensions to pitch-centric theories, i.e.~as a by-product. In particular, the procedure of theory-building can be described as follows: we start with formulating symbolic representation of pitch entities (e.g.~tone row as representation of the twelve pitch classes) and rules for its symbolic manipulation (e.g.~inversion, retrograde, and retrograde-inversion). Then we try to apply the same theory, as the collection of symbolic representation and rules for symbolic manipulation, to non-pitch parameters. For example, we try to see what happens if the tone row is populated by parameters other than pitch classes. We may establish an arbitrary mapping in which pitch class 0 is substituted by durational value of eigth-note, pitch class 1 by quarter-note, and so on. At this point, we may already see a potential issue: because the theory is not developed originally with rhythmic parameters in mind, many constructs in the theory are questionable. For example, for a rhythmic ``tone'' row, does it make sense to employ a collection of twelve elements? For pitches the collection of twelve is justified because of tuning constraints in equal-temperament. However, the choice of twelve becomes arbitrary once rhythmic parameters are in question.
We may argue that, it is exactly for the reason of subordination that David Lewin, a proponent of neo-Riemannian theory, writes in his treatise ``Generalized Musical Intervals and Transformations'' the following statement:
\begin{quote}
This chapter takes as its point of departure a figure showing two points s and t in a symbolic musical space. The arrow marked i symbolizes a characteristic directed measurement, distance or motion from s to t. It intuits such situations in many musical spaces, and i is called ``the interval from s to t'' when the symbolic points are pitches or pitch classes. \autocite{lewin_2007}
\end{quote}
In order to present the central theme of the book, i.e.~the mathematical model named ``Generalized Interval System'' (GIS), the author clearly understands that it is the most natural to base the model on pitch relations first, hence providing an intuitive motivation for the GIS model. Evident in its naming, the GIS model is built upon the notion of interval, which has very specific connotations: in music, the term interval unequivocally refers to intervallic distance between pitches. If, instead, we would like to refer to temporal intervals, we need to further specify the term by prefixing it with additional qualifiers, e.g.~time-span interval. After introducing GIS using its originating idea of the interval, the model naturally extends, or using its own terminology, generalizes to rhythmic parameters.
Many authors also acknowledge the general neglect of temporal structure in the scholarly field. As the Grove article on ``Theory, theorists'' points out, the 1985 (which is considered a recent publication in the field of music academia) issue of the journal ``Music Theory Spectrum'' dedicates its entirety under the title ``Time and Rhythm in Music''. \autocite{grove_theory_theorists} The editor of the issue, in the opening words, states that the temporal dimension of music remains ``the less explored of the music's two major domains''.\autocite{music_theory_spectrum_1} Within the same issue, Kramer suggested in his article ``Studies of Time and Music: A Bibliography'', that musical ``time has not been widely recognized as an independent field of study''.\autocite{music_theory_spectrum_2} Then, he enumerates specific observations as evidence:
\begin{quote}
The New Grove has no article on time; RILM has no separate category for time; The Music Index has only recently begun to list articles under the heading ``Time.''\autocite{music_theory_spectrum_2}\label{quote:grove_no_time}
\end{quote}
Additionally, in the preface of the 1960 book ``The Rhythmic Structure of Music'', the authors outrightly point out that the study of the temporal aspect of music ``has been almost totally neglected in the formal training of musicians since the Renaissance. There are many textbooks on harmony and counterpoint but none on rhythm''. \autocite[v]{cooper_meyer_1960} It is true that their statements might turn out to be outdated by the current century as the development of music scholarly research has been constantly ongoing. Furthermore, ethnomusicologists are justified in arguing that the neglect of rhythm might be peculiar to Western art music only. In other words, the neglect is not universal, but applicable to only a particular subset of the entire human society. However, the fact that temporality (i.e.~rhythmic structures) had been a relatively overlooked topic within the realm of mainstream Western music theory and analysis for several centuries is itself noteworthy.
\subsection{Temporality in music compared to other disciplines}
\label{music_as_subjective_experience}
If we compare music externally to other fields, i.e.~when comparing it to science and philosophy, we observe that musical discourse often avoids explicitly discussing time in itself. To make the statement clear, consider the very term of temporal asymmetry. In the context of music, many readers would consider it a borrowed term in the sense that it appears foreign to us. Upon encountering the term, we find it more natural to interpret it as a term borrowed from physics: in particular, the thermodynamic temporal asymmetry. In other words, time is a built-in topic that is native to physics, whereas it is foreign to music. Upon contemplation, it is worth emphasizing again how ironic and peculiar the case is. On the one hand, time as a topic is overlooked both within the field of music and in comparison to other fields of study, to the extent that discussing time in itself would seem out of place in a musical discourse. On the other hand, the role of time is in fact, more crucial in music than in physics. Firstly, the physical reality of music, when interpreted as a physical process, is temporal in a strictly physical sense. Therefore, since musical events are themselves physical phenomena, what applies to general physical phenomena must equally apply to musical events, if not more. Secondly, in addition to being physical, music also attains its psychological reality, such that we must take into consideration our subjective experience of time. It is exactly for this reason that music theory is considered a completely different discipline from acoustics, even though both are ultimately studies of sound.
Therefore, time plays another role in music: it governs the mental representations of music, in addition to the physical reality of music. One may argue that the same statement is true in physics where mental representations are necessary if we were to understand anything at all: we need mental representations of the universe in order to conduct any study of it. However, the crux of the statement resides in that physical theories often intentionally omit subjective experience of time altogether. Suppose that for reasons analogous to optical illusions, we happen to believe that time flows more slowly today. Meanwhile, we have the same degree of belief that a time-measuring device is credible. However, we find ourselves in a conflicting situation since our belief of slower time contradicts the evidence given by the time-measuring device. In such a case, omitting subjective experience of time is equivalent to saying that we necessarily reject the belief of slower time in favor of the evidence given by the time-measuring device.
The above thought experiment may sound unsurprising in a physical context. However, if the same situation happens in music, the outcome may turn out to be vastly different. Suppose that we encounter a similar situation, with the time-measuring device being a metronome. The situation is given that when listening to a performance of a piece, most of the listeners in the room believe that the performer is unable to maintain a steady tempo. The performer responds by showing evidence from an accurate metronome that the tempo is steady in the metronomic sense. However, in this case, musicians would still keep the conclusion that the tempo is not steady with the following justification: it is true that the tempo is steady in the physical sense, yet the performer still fails to maintain a steady tempo musically as the harmonic content, dynamic, register and texture may require some nuanced timing for the listeners to experience a musically steady tempo. Notice that we are not discussing timing nuances such as rubatos that listeners can detect. Instead, we are talking about the counterintuitive performance technique that, sometimes in order to achieve the perception of a steady pulse, performers need to do the exact opposite by avoiding a metronomically accurate playing.
For example, consider variation 22 from Rachmaninoff's Paganini rhapsody (see figure \ref{fig:rachmaninoff op43 var22 beginning}). The entire variation can be interpreted as a huge crescendo in many senses of the word: the dynamic is increasing, the texture (i.e.~number of simultaneous notes played) is thickening, and the register is ascending. Meanwhile, the steady quarter-note beat is the rhythmic pulse throughout the entire passage (see figure \ref{fig:rachmaninoff op43 var22 annotated}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T18_52_33-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Rachmaninoff, Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Op. 43, variation 22, beginning (two-piano reduction arranged by the composer)}
\label{fig:rachmaninoff op43 var22 beginning}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T19_04_55-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Rachmaninoff, Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini, Op. 43, variation 22, excerpt (two-piano reduction arranged by the composer), annotated to enumerate musical features of interest}
\label{fig:rachmaninoff op43 var22 annotated}
\end{figure}
Because so many musical factors contribute to the feeling of musical accumulation, if we keep the metronomic steady tempo throughout, we may have the auditory illusion (analogous to optical illusion) that the performance is speeding up, as the crescendo in dynamics, thickening in texture and ascending pattern suggest accelerando without actually playing one. As a result, with this expansive musical passage, the performer may have to judiciously make the interpretive decision of stretching the tempo if the goal is to convey a sense of a steady march-like progression, in order to cancel out the effect of speeding up implied by the non-temporal parameters mentioned above.
The rhythmic nuances which performers frequently exercise show that listener's perception is prioritized over scientific measurement. For the exact reason, we have the controversy of the metronome\label{metronome_controversy}: a metronome that measures physical time gives equality of durations, yet it is not strictly equivalent to the notion of steady pulse musicians have in mind. This is why, as commonly observed in instrumental lessons, one of the main challenges in rhythmic training involves reconciling the musical notion and the metronomic notion of rhythmic pulse. On the one hand, instructors emphasize the importance of metronomes as an indispensable aid to understanding rhythmic pulse. However, on the other hand, the emphasis on metronomes almost always accompanies an equally urgent reminder concerning the potential misuse that, by excessive use of the metronome, students may lose the organic quality of rhythm that is vital to true musicianship. Therefore, students are repeatedly told that a musically steady pulse does not equal mechanically metronomic playing (the same way the slogan ``correlation does not imply causation'' is repeatedly spelled out in science classrooms).
In his book ``Sound and symbol'', Zuckerkandl makes a clear distinction between physical time and musical time. According to his schematic comparison, the primary distinction between the two is that physical time is the ``form of experience'' whereas musical time is the ``content of experience'', \autocite[202]{zuckerkandl_1973} invoking the dichotomy between form and content. As such, physical time serves as mere measurement of events while musical time acts as ``an active force''\autocite[247]{zuckerkandl_1973} that produces musical events. One of the specific consequences of his claim is that musical time resists measurement attempts. In his own words, time ``knows no equality of parts''.\autocite[208]{zuckerkandl_1973} In other words, the statement claims that talking of equal beats is ill-defined for musical time. Speaking of ``an equality of times, or of parts of time, has no reasonable meaning in the realm of meter''. \autocite[210]{zuckerkandl_1973} By contrast, in the physical world, equality of time depends on its measurement, so that the ``equality of hours is the equality of the distances traveled by clock hands''. \autocite[209]{zuckerkandl_1973} In fact, measurement of moving body can be taken as the very definition of time, as Zuckerkandl points out:
\begin{quote}
The motion of one body, if it is taken as the measurement of the motion of another body, is called time.\autocite[209]{zuckerkandl_1973}
\end{quote}
We can further justify taking measurement of moving body as the definition of time if we consider a common thought experiment in understanding special relativity. The thought experiment is set up in the way given by Feynman in his lectures about ``Transformation of time''.\autocite{feynman_leighton_sands_2013} We may consider a railway train. Inside the train, we have a laser pointer placed on the floor of the train, pointing at the ceiling that has a mirror (see figure \ref{fig:relativity clock}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.3\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T17_19_43-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A hypothetical clock given by Feynman that measures time using the roundtrip of lightbeam}
\label{fig:relativity clock}
\end{figure}
The laser pointer emits light that returns to its original place after reaching the mirror. Then, we define time by the motion of the laser beam as follows: we record how long it takes to make a roundtrip, and call it one unit of time. Meanwhile, we call the setup of the laser pointer and mirror the clock. Now, as physicists tend to do in their creative thought experiments, the train moves outrageously fast, in fact, at the speed of light. Special relativity tells us that the speed of light is the same for all observers. Additionally, we defined one unit of time using the roundtrip of the laser beam. Consequently, an observer on the ground will find that the clock stops on the train, precisely because the laser beam on the train travels a diagonal path (see figure \ref{fig:relativity clock moving}). In order to for the laser beam to reach the mirror in the ceiling, it has to travel a distance greater than the horizontal displacement of the train (because the diagonal path corresponds to the hypotenuse of a right triangle, which is the longest side of a triangle). However, because the train moves horizontally at the speed of light, the laser beam can never reach the mirror in the ceiling by completing the diagonal path, let alone making a roundtrip.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.6\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T17_34_54-05_00.pdf}
\caption{From the perspective of observers on the platform, quoting Feynman's words: ``when the external observer looks at the clock going by, he sees that the light {[}\ldots{]} is `really' taking a zigzag path, since the rod {[}i.e.~the train{]} is moving sidewise all the while''.}
\label{fig:relativity clock moving}
\end{figure}
This thought experiment shows the slogan that ``moving clocks run slower''.\autocite{feynman_leighton_sands_2013} Meanwhile, it also shows that physically, time is defined by its measurement. In other words, it is not that physical time favors measurement, but rather, measurement is the very definition of time. In Feynman's words:
\begin{quote}
Now if all moving clocks run slower, if no way of measuring time gives anything but a slower rate, we shall just have to say, in a certain sense, that time itself appears to be slower in a space ship. All the phenomena there---the man's pulse rate, his thought processes, the time he takes to light a cigar, how long it takes to grow up and get old---all these things must be slowed down in the same proportion, because he cannot tell he is moving. The biologists and medical men sometimes say it is not quite certain that the time it takes for a cancer to develop will be longer in a space ship, but from the viewpoint of a modern physicist it is nearly certain; otherwise one could use the rate of cancer development to determine the speed of the ship! \autocite{feynman_leighton_sands_2013}
\end{quote}
On the other hand, music rejects measurement. The mechanical pendulum-based metronome is an example of devices that achieve durational equality by using the motion of the pendulum. In fact, Zuckerkandl might have exactly the example of the metronome in mind when writing, so in later passages he invokes arguments similar to the example of steady tempo given above, in order to demonstrate his schematic comparison:
\begin{quote}
What do we mean, then, when we demand that musicians play in time; demand, that is, that they preserve equality of measures and beats? The poor performer who takes all sorts of liberties with time is censured for the capricious inequality of his measures and beats. By what concept of equality do we measure this inequality? Certainly not by the concept of measurably equal lengths. {[}\ldots{]} There is no such thing as a musician whose performance does not depart from mathematical equality within certain limits; accurate experiments have given amazing proof of how great such departures can be without even being noticed by the listener. \autocite[210]{zuckerkandl_1973}
\end{quote}
In comparison, the discussion of time gains its ontological status in philosophy and natural science in the way time is often explicitly recognized and spelled out. Without loss of generality, we consider a few selected examples in the field of philosophy and physics to illustrate how time is explicitly spelled out.
\subsubsection{Philosophy: transcendental time determination}
As a philosophical figure, Kant is accredited for his formulation of transcendental idealism, which is considered by many to be an important milestone in the development of epistemology. One of the central concerns in transcendental idealism is about construing the adjective ``transcendental'' that prefixes a considerable portion of his terminology. For example, by observing the chapter outline of his magnum opus ``Critique of pure reason'', we readily find that the work is divided into two halves bearing the titles ``Transcendental Doctrine of Elements'' and ``Transcendental Doctrine of Method'', respectively. The first half is subsequently divided into two parts: ``Transcendental Aesthetic'' and ``Transcendental Logic''. Finally, the part of ``Transcendental Logic'' is further divided into ``Transcendental Analytic'' and ``Transcendental Dialectic''. Without regarding the specific meaning of each term, the sheer prevalence of the adjective prefix ``transcendental'' indicates its importance to understanding the theory as a whole. Therefore, it is necessary to discuss the term ``transcendental'' in the context of a Kantian framework, if one is to fully understand and appreciate its philosophical endeavor.
Whenever attaching the prefix ``transcendental'' in its Kantian sense to some terms, we invariably deal with the necessary and universal conditions through which the very existence of our cognitive experience is possible. In the introduction to the ``Critique of Pure Reason'', Kitcher interprets two terms that are transcendental-prefixed. Firstly, for transcendental philosophy, its goal is to
\begin{quote}
investigate the necessary conditions for knowledge with a view to showing that some of those necessary conditions are a priori, universal and necessary features of our knowledge, that derive from the mind's own ways of dealing with the data of the senses. \autocite[xxxi]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
Similarly, for the specific chapter on transcendental deduction, its goal is to
\begin{quote}
show that certain concepts that are a priori, in the sense that they cannot be derived from sensory data, are necessary for all cognition, and so are a priori in the sense that they describe universal and necessary features of all the objects of which we can ever have any knowledge. \autocite[xliii]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
Finally, in Kant's own words, he begins the introduction to first edition with a section on ``The Idea of Transcendental Philosophy'':
\begin{quote}
even among our experiences there is an admixture of cognitions that must originate a priori, and that serve perhaps only to give coherence to our presentations of the senses. For even if we remove from our experiences everything belonging to the senses, there still remain certain original concepts, and judgments generated from these, that must have arisen entirely a priori, independently of experience. These concepts and judgments must have arisen in this way because through them we can {[}\ldots{]} say more about the objects that appear to the senses than mere experience would teach us; and through them do assertions involve true universality and strict necessity, such as merely empirical cognition cannot supply. \autocite[44]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
By comparing the three excerpts above, one can summarize a few common qualities that a topic must enjoy in order to be considered transcendental. Firstly, it must deal with a priori concepts, i.e.~concepts that are independent from empirical observations. In order to make his claims specific, he stresses that they are ``not those that occur independently of this or that experience, but those that occur absolutely independently of all experience''. \autocite[45]{critique_of_pure_reason} Secondly, those concepts must be necessary (as opposed to contingent) and universal. Finally, they must be concepts through which our cognitive experience is made possible, i.e. being necessary conditions for the very existence of cognitive experience.
Therefore, Kant's philosophical ambition is to lay the epistemological foundation upon which we can have any cognitive experience at all. How transcendental idealism achieves such foundational work is to examine the mechanism through which our cognitive faculties enable and shape our experience. Consequently, all experiences (whether internal or external) as sensory data must necessarily and universally conform to the structure and form imposed by our cognitive faculties. In fact, the shift in focus is precisely what justifies Kant to compare ``his revolution in epistemology to the Copernican revolution in astronomy''. \autocite[xxxi]{critique_of_pure_reason} It follows that the epistemological foundation laid by transcendental idealism is also the foundation of essentially all sciences: it is through the structure and form of our internal cognition that we can possibly make claims about the external world.
Now, given the importance and ambition of transcendental idealism, it is noteworthy to observe the role of time within the framework of the theory. One may be surprised at how the issue of time has been elevated to a status of unrivaled prominence. To see how time is a topic in focus, we consider two aspects offered by the Critique.
The first aspect identifies time as ``the formal condition of inner sense''. \autocite[153]{critique_of_pure_reason} The very first part of the Critique, titled ``Transcendental Aesthetic'', consists solely of explicit discussion of space and time. In other words, Kant immediately brings into discussion the topic of space and time, thus marking them for consciousness. We may safely speculate that dedicating the entire opening portion of the book proves how space and time are highly esteemed topics. In fact, he makes the claim that ``transcendental aesthetic cannot contain more than these two elements, i.e., space and time''. \autocite[93]{critique_of_pure_reason} Being fundamental topics in his philosophical construction, he presents space and time as the two ``pure forms of sensible intuition''. \autocite[75]{critique_of_pure_reason} He claims that space and time are transcendental in the sense that they are non-empirical: they are forms without contents, and they necessarily and universally give rise to the possibility of empirical contents. For a better understanding, we can refer to the container metaphor mentioned on page \pageref{container_metaphor_of_time} once more: space and time are containers in which everything is arranged, related, organized and cognized. However, space and time themselves do not contribute to the content of experience. Therefore, the metaphor enables us to cognize the world in a bottom-up manner: the process starts with space and time without content that are analogous to an empty container. Then we provide space and time with empirical content to make it perceptible to us. What Kant does involves a similar thought experiment, except that it proceeds in a top-down manner. Our task is to ask: what are we left with, if we try to remove all empirical content from our experience? He continues that
\begin{quote}
if from the presentation of a body I separate what the understanding thinks in it, such as substance, force, divisibility, etc., and if I similarly separate from it what belongs to sensation in it, such as impenetrability, hardness, color, etc., I am still left with something from this empirical intuition, namely, extension and shape. These belong to pure intuition, which, even if there is no actual object of the senses or of sensation, has its place in the mind a priori, as a mere form of sensibility. \autocite[73]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
By comparing the way Kant argues for space and time, we may arrive at the conclusion that time is a pure form of sensible intuition that is more fundamental than space. At first glance, space and time appear complementary: space is ``nothing but the mere form of all appearances of outer senses'', \autocite[81]{critique_of_pure_reason} whereas time is ``nothing but the form of inner sense''. \autocite[88]{critique_of_pure_reason} Note that the parallelism in wording suggests that space and time are responsible for outer senses and inner sense, respectively. However, he then immediately clarifies his point by asserting that time is (indirectly) responsible for all outer senses as well:
\begin{quote}
Time is the formal a priori condition of all appearances generally. Space is the pure form of all outer appearances; as such it is limited, as a priori condition, to just outer appearances. But all presentations, whether or not they have outer things as their objects, do yet in themselves, as determinations of the mind, belong to our inner state; and this inner state is subject to the formal condition of inner intuition, and hence to the condition of time. Therefore time is an a priori condition of all appearance generally: it is the direct condition of inner appearances (of our souls), and precisely thereby also, indirectly, a condition of outer appearances. \autocite[88]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
This passage vividly suggests that time is more fundamental than space, as it is the formal condition of both inner and outer appearances, whereas space is limited to ``just outer appearances''. \autocite[88]{critique_of_pure_reason}
The second aspect identifies time as ``the transcendental time determination''. Later in the Critique, Kant embarks on an investigation of a puzzling concept: schematism. Schematism involves the study of the ``transcendental schema'', \autocite[211]{critique_of_pure_reason} which mediates between the ``category'' and the ``appearance''. \autocite[210]{critique_of_pure_reason} In particular, he examines how ``an object is subsumed under a concept''. \autocite[209]{critique_of_pure_reason} For example, in music analysis, we often subsume musical objects (which are technically sensory data, i.e.~appearance) that bear rondo-like properties under the concept (or category) of rondo. Kant sees a potential issue here: while subsuming object under concept produces no problem in most cases, it may produce problems in cases involving a special kind of concept, that is, pure concept of understanding. According to him, in subsuming an object ``under a concept, the presentation of the object must be homogeneous with the concept''. \autocite[209]{critique_of_pure_reason} However, pure concepts of understanding are special because they ``are quite heterogeneous from empirical intuitions''. \autocite[210]{critique_of_pure_reason} Therefore, the problem reads:
\begin{quote}
How, then, can an intuition be subsumed under a category, and hence how can a category be applied to appearances{[}\ldots{]}? \autocite[210]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
In order to solve the problem, the idea of a transcendental schema is devised. Metaphorically, it serves as a third-party broker, such that it is ``homogeneous with the category, on the one hand, and with the appearance, on the other hand''. \autocite[210]{critique_of_pure_reason} Without going into technical details of terminology, we readily see that transcendental schema is devised as a solution to an urgent philosophical problem: reconciling the experiential content of the world and our cognitive faculties. It is then natural to ask what the candidates of a transcendental schema are.
Now comes the surprising part: transcendental schema is nothing but transcendental time determination. It is surprising because the statement explicitly identifies time as the basis of all cognition and understanding, including those that are considered non-temporal. He argues:
\begin{quote}
Time, as the formal condition for the manifold of inner sense and hence for the connection of all presentations, contains an a priori manifold in pure intuition. Now, a transcendental time determination is homogeneous with the category (in which its unity consists) insofar as the time determination is universal and rests on an a priori rule. But it is homogeneous with appearance, on the other hand, insofar as every empirical presentation of the manifold contains time. Hence it will be possible for the category to be applied to appearances by means of the transcendental time determination, which, as the schema of the concepts of understanding, mediates the subsumption of appearances under the category. \autocite[211]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
Note that this is a strong claim: transcendental time determination is not \emph{a} candidate (among others) for transcendental schema, but \emph{the} ``schema of concepts of understanding''. \autocite[211]{critique_of_pure_reason} In short, the term transcendental schema is nothing but an alias for transcendental time determination. It follows that in his subsequent enumeration of transcendental schemata (i.e.~transcendental time determinations), time cries out for attention. For example, the schema of actuality ``is existence within a determinate time'', and the schema of necessity ``is the existence of an object at all time''. \autocite[217]{critique_of_pure_reason} Moreover,
\begin{quote}
the schema of magnitude, the production (synthesis) of time itself in the successive apprehension of an object; the schema of quality, the synthesis of sensation (perception) with the presentation of time--or, i.e., the filling of time; the schema of relation, the relation of perceptions among one another at all time (i.e., according to a rule of time determination); finally, the schema of modality and of its categories, time itself as the correlate of the determination of an object as to whether and how it belongs to time. Hence the schemata are nothing but a priori time determinations according to rules; and these rules, according to the order of the categories, deal with the time series, the time content, the time order, and finally the time sum total in regard to all possible objects.\autocite[217]{critique_of_pure_reason}
\end{quote}
\subsubsection{Ubiquitous time parameter: a brief survey of physics with respect to the role of time}
Among disciplines of natural science, physics stands as one of the major fields of study. In fact, one might go as far as to claim that physics is the most fundamental discipline of natural science. For example, physicist Feynman once made a remark that might cause elevated debate due to its alleged implication of condescension:
\begin{quote}
Physics is the most fundamental and all-inclusive of the sciences, and has had a profound effect on all scientific development. In fact, physics is the present-day equivalent of what used to be called natural philosophy, from which most of our modern sciences arose. Students of many fields find themselves studying physics because of the basic role it plays in all phenomena.\autocite{feynman_leighton_sands_2013}
\end{quote}
Within the taxonomy of physics, one major branch is mechanics. In the narrow and etymological sense of the word, mechanics concerns the ``motion of material bodies'',\autocite[1]{classical_mechanics2002} i.e.~change in spatial position of material bodies in time. However, in its general sense, it concerns time evolution: change in states of physical systems in time. One should note that time evolution is a generalization of motion (or inversely, motion is a special case of time evolution), as motion of material bodies is precisely change in positional states in time. However, we may be interested in issues other than positional state. For example, in quantum mechanics, we are interested in the time evolution of wavefunctions. Therefore, taking time evolution as the general definition of mechanics enables us to subsume under the term a variety of theories, as what constitute ``states'' and ``physical systems'' is open to interpretation.
Now comes the crucial observation: the role of time remains prominent throughout the development of mechanics. The claim runs parallel to the previous section, that time is explicitly spelled out in the field of physics. In particular, it has very specific meaning in physics: the time parameter is, in the most literal sense, spelled out in writing down equations of motion.
Poetically speaking, the concept of time remains ubiquitous in mechanics. Ubiquity of time implies two statements: 1) time remains to be a fundamental concept in all formalisms, surviving through theoretical developments; 2) within debates on interpreting physical formalisms, time is a topic that often gains consensus among different parties. We will show what the two statements mean in light of the three examples of formalisms: Newtonian mechanics, Lagrangian formulation, and quantum mechanics. \footnote{See appendix \ref{appendix:evolution of equations of motion} for supplementary discussion of the three examples.}
Throughout the history of mechanics, people argue and debate about representations of the world, and formulate various formalisms that try to capture different aspects of it. In particular, they often argue about ways of encoding states of physical systems: how should a theory represent and specify the instantaneous state of a physical system? Newtonian mechanics and Lagrangian formulation (i.e.~classical mechanics) use position (hence velocity as the time derivative of position) as the conceptual basis, while quantum mechanics uses wavefunctions. Now, one must realize that no matter how the concepts of position and wavefunctions differ, they are nothing but mathematical functions parametrized by time. Therefore, people seem to reach consensus on the interpretation of time. It is true that one might argue about the rate at which time flows, but everyone must agree that time evolution of physical state depends explicitly on time. The dependency on time is best illustrated in notation, where the parameter \(t\) representing time is visible in all mathematical representations of physical state. Similarly, the equations in their general form governing the time evolution (e.g.~equations of motion) of physical state are all differential equations containing time-derivatives. Now, even without knowing the semantics of the following equations or the meaning of the term ``time-derivative'', one can readily see the presence of letter \(t\):
\begin{center}
\begin{tabular}{|c|c|c|}
\hline
Newton's second law & Euler-Lagrange equation & Schrodinger's equation \\
\(F = m\frac{dv}{dt}\) & \(\frac{\partial L}{\partial x} = \frac{\mathrm{d}}{\mathrm{d} t}\left(\frac{\partial L}{\partial \dot{x}}\right)\) & \(i\hbar \frac{\partial \Psi}{\partial t} = H\Psi\)\\
\hline
\end{tabular}
\label{equations of motion}
\end{center}
Simply from the syntactical appearance of these equations, one can observe that symbols differ as fundamental concepts of different theories vary. However, the symbol of letter \(t\) that is reserved for time is persistent across all equations. Time stands the test of time (no pun intended).
One can be provocative and claim that time is a completely imaginary concept. Nevertheless, in the end of the day, one has to deal with the letter \(t\) in practice. The ubiquity of time manifests itself in the painstaking process of solving the differential equations. In contrast, we should note how easily (or even necessary) musicians can bypass time altogether. Instead of thinking about issues of timing directly, performers are encouraged to tackle them using techniques of breathing, bodily gestures and pictorial imaginations. In instrumental lessons, we are unlikely to hear instructors say: ``don't rush at the rest! In fact, the timing of the rest should be linearly proportional to the magnitude of your musical intensity just now. Also note that the musical intensity is also a function depending implicitly on time''. It is more common to hear the following hypnotic-style argument: ``don't rush at the rest! Now, close your eyes and take a deep breath. You should imagine that you are on a field trip, and you see the expansive landscape. You can even hear the birds sing! Do you want this quiet moment to last longer, or you just want to go home and sleep? Of course you want to take time here!''
\section{A justification for ignoring temporality: musical time}
One potential explanation for avoiding explicit discussion of time in music is that, instead of discussing time as a concept in itself, we often focus on its derivatives: constructs built on top of time that describe experienced time, as opposed to objective time. Music, as essentially a study of human expressions which just happens to use the medium of time, prioritizes time in its wrapped form: experienced time. The statement has two layers of meaning.
The first layer pertains to the idea that musicians differentiate between physical time and musical time. For example, rhythm and meter are constructs built on top of the metronomic notion of physical time. However, they are not interchangeable, as the metronome controversy discussed on page \pageref{metronome_controversy} indicates. To this end, Zuckerkandl dedicates a new term ``metric wave'' to describe musical rhythm. He then used this newly coined term to explain what it means to have musical equality of time, given that durational equality of time is an ill-defined idea in music:
\begin{quote}
To play in time musically does not mean to play tones that fill equal lengths of time, but tones that give rise to the metric wave. \autocite[210]{zuckerkandl_1973}
\end{quote}
The exact meaning of the metric wave is open to interpretation. It is possible that the metric wave is more of a poetic metaphor than a term to be taken literally. However, the sheer fact that the author designates a unique term shows the necessity of describing rhythm in a way that is exclusive and specialized to music.
The second layer pertains to the idea that musicians differentiate between temporality and atemporality in music, which eventually abstracts away the topic of psychological time altogether. More specifically, given the musical notions of rhythm and meter, we can construct derivative concepts: harmonic rhythm and hypermeter (more generally, large-scale rhythmic organization). At this point, we observe an interesting shift of focus. Harmonic rhythm primarily focuses on harmonic organization. However, harmony (in particular, tonality) itself is atemporal because it prioritizes pitch relations. By the same token, hypermeter focuses on grouping structures. The question remains to discover what the grouping criteria are. In particular, the question addresses ways in which we determine hypermetrical boundaries. As we move from meter to hypermeter, i.e.~from microscopic metrical structures such as a phrase, to macroscopic hypermetrical structures, the discussion inevitably incorporates additional considerations such as harmonic progression and melodic contour due to the increased complexity. For example, establishing a metrical pattern may simply require durational information (i.e.~knowing the onset and duration of each note-producing event) as well as description of dynamics using strong and weak beats, while disregarding other information such as pitch content, let alone harmonic progression and melodic contour. However, determining a hypermetrical pattern (or more generally, large-scale musical pattern spanning an extended period of time) requires much more information. For example, how do we decide if a moment is a so-called ``structural downbeat''? What does it mean to have a hypermetrical strong beat? Durational and dynamic information alone will not suffice to explain. To arrive at a decision, one must necessarily address additional concerns such as the tonal and motivic scheme of the piece. It is for this cause, the very term of hypermeter stirs up debates and confusions in the theoretical literature. Yust, in his book ``Organized time", points out that ``the concept of hypermeter seems to change its colors depending on the analytical situation, coming to mean different things to different people''. \autocite[123]{yust_2018} For example, many authors treat hypermeter and phrase structure interchangeably. As indicated by Krebs, Lester ``appears to equate hypermeasures and phrases''. \autocite[84]{equate_hypermeasures_phrases} More interestingly, as observed by Smyth, some authors arrive at self-contradictory conclusions about hypermeter:
\begin{quote}
Schachter blurs the distinction between a ``group of measures'' (grouped by virtue of similar surface rhythms and accentual patterning) and a ``phrase'' (a musical segment ending with a cadence). Failing to retain the crucial distinction he drew in his first article between durational and tonal rhythm, he (like Berry) effectively turns the phrase into a hypermeasure. \autocite[82]{hypermeter_self_contradiction}
\end{quote}
One should not dismiss the blurring boundary between phrase and hypermeasure as failures authors commit. Instead, to think positively, the blurring boundary reveals a praiseworthy quality of musical organization: variety. As we move toward large-scale musical structures, i.e.~structures spanning an extended period of time, we necessarily have to consider more musical factors contributing to their analysis and interpretation. The increased complexity of music's internal organization corresponds exactly to the notion of musical variety that is praised and valued throughout music history. For example, Zarlino brought up the idea of variety \label{musical_variety} as early as 1558, noting the importance of ``variety in the movement of the parts and in the harmony; for harmony is nothing other than diversity of moving parts and consonances, brought together with variety''. \autocite[52]{zarlino_1976} Later on, Niedt spelled out the importance of musical variety by dedicating an entire chapter titled ``On the Necessity and Grace of Variation in General'', echoing how variety was cherished during the Baroque period:
\begin{quote}
nothing in human life can be more pleasant and necessary than variety, in artistic as well as in natural things. Were it not for summer and winter, sowing and harvesting, frost and heat, day and night, and so forth, what creature would be able to endure this mortal life? {[}\ldots{]} Indeed, the ear knows of no greater pleasure than in the variety of many tones, songs, and melodies. {[}\ldots{]} the greatest charm rests in Variation, whether it be performed by the human voice or by various instruments. \autocite[73]{niedt1989}
\end{quote}
In order to see how the importance of variety is style-agnostic, consider a more recent figure. Schoenberg treated the dichotomy between variation and repetition as the determinant for effective composition, thereby highlighting the role of variety in music:
\begin{quote}
A motive appears constantly throughout a piece: it is repeated. Repetition alone often gives rise to monotony. Monotony can only be overcome by variation. {[}\ldots{]} Variation means change. But changing every feature produces something foreign, incoherent, illogical. It destroys the basic shape of the motive. {[}\ldots{]} Accordingly, variation requires changing some of the less-important features and preserving some of the more-important ones. \autocite[8]{schoenberg1970}
\end{quote}
The term ``increased complexity'' above refers to the increasing number of possible interactions between musical events. Simply put, large-scale musical structures provide more ways in which musical events can be defined. Increasing number of well-defined musical events then enables analysts to examine a richer collection of musical interactions. For example, in discussion of form, we inevitably examine large-scale musical events bearing different names. Sometimes formal sections bear generic letter names such as ``AAB'' for bar form, while on other occasions formal sections acquire dedicated names indicating their functions such as recapitulation in sonata form. Then, we are entitled to speak about the ``recapitulating event'', referring to either the moment where recapitulation section begins (i.e.~timepoint) or the recapitulation section itself (i.e.~timespan). With either interpretation, we may now relate the recapitulating event to other musical events in the piece. For example, we can ask conventional questions about the relationship between recapitulation and development: how does the retransition at the end of the development lead the music into the recapitulation, creating a strong sense of return? Furthermore, we can be less conventional by asking questions that are more creative. It is a perfectly valid question, for example, to ask: how does the development section of the piece as a whole relate to the opening three-note motive? It is a creative question precisely because we are now inspecting relationship between musical events across different organizational levels. Using the language of Schenkerian graphs, we are connecting elements between a foreground graph and a background graph.
\subsection{A musical case study: Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24}
\label{section:musical case study op24}
To show how the creative question above is at work in music, consider the following example. The opening theme of Brahm's ``Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24'' can be characterized locally (i.e.~focusing solely on the melodic segment) by its three-note ascending scale figure: B-flat, C, and D (see figure \ref{fig:brahms op24 beginning annotated three-note}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T19_30_22-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Brahms, Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24, beginning, annotated to indicate the three-note ascending scale}
\label{fig:brahms op24 beginning annotated three-note}
\end{figure}
Our task is to see what this local structure of the three-note ascending scale reveals about musical events occurring at a larger level. Therefore, we look at the distant future: the last variation before the final fugue (i.e.~variation 25). The reason for choosing this specific excerpt is not arbitrary. We make the choice due to its musical significance. In fact, one may even claim that variation 25, in the context of its large-scale formal organization, is more significant than the prolonged fugue that follows. The justification resides in the preceding two variations (variation 23 and 24). From a performer's perspective, variation 25 sounds like a major arrival point, precisely because it is well prepared and anticipated by the preceding two variations. Variation 23 and 24 are unique among other variations, in that they can be treated as a single variation, forming a two-variation long build-up leading to variation 25. In fact, for performers, the two variations as a whole make up a giant creascendo: variation 24 is the intensified version of variation 23 in the sense that it is equipped with a written-in accelerando (i.e.~replacing eighth notes by sixteenth notes) as well as an expansion in register (see figure \ref{fig:brahms op24 var23 24}). It is for this reason, it would be absolutely inappropriate to take time in between variation 23 and 24, as one normally would not interrupt a crescendo.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T19_43_32-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Brahms, Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24, variation 23 and 24, side by side comparison of the beginning}
\label{fig:brahms op24 var23 24}
\end{figure}
Given the importance of variation 25, it follows that one should examine its internal structure. For performers, the task is vital, since one must find justified ways to bring out the climax and convince the audience musically (as opposed to analysts who can rely on verbal means). The variation, consisting of eight measures, has three structural moments. One might ask for the precise definition of structural moments. For now, we may safely take a performer's perspective and define it operationally: moments are structural if they are less fault-tolerant. Such an operational definition of structural moments is self-evident if we apply it to daily life. Moments in life are important (i.e.~structural) if they are events that we, using everyday language, cannot afford to screw up. As a result, a DMA entrance exam at Juilliard is a structural moment when compared to, say, practicing the 86th measure of some Beethoven sonata in room 481f.
Musically, performers can then evaluate the following question: in variation 25, what are the moments in which we are least willing to make a mistake? Interpreting the question positively, what are the moments we must bring out perfectly in order to be satisfied with the performance? The three candidates for such moments are: the beginning of the first four-measure phrase, the beginning of the second four-measure phrase, and the downbeat of the penultimate measure (see figure \ref{fig:brahms op24 var25 annotated}). The first two choices are straightforward because they correspond to phrase boundaries, performers need to clearly present them in order to make the audience aware of groupings that are vital to musical understanding. Now, the third is a structural moment because, just like variation 25 itself, it is well-prepared by the measure before: a virtuoso measure that is characterized by ascending scales and outrageous octave leaps, forming a bursting crescendo that finally arrives at the downbeat of the penultimate measure.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T19_54_07-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Brahms, Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24, variation 25, annotated to indicate the three structural moments}
\label{fig:brahms op24 var25 annotated}
\end{figure}
Note now that the three structural moments of variation melodically delineate a three-note ascending scale figure: B-flat, C and D. The figure is identical to the opening three-note figure aforementioned. Poetically speaking, the opening figure organically grows through time, and eventually becomes the Leviathan who is capable of causing the climax of the piece, the same way it stirs up gigantic waves in the sea (taking its biblical definition) or in society (in the Hobbesian sense).
The projection of the opening three-note figure into variation 25 is reinforced if we incorporate a larger context by considering preceding variations. A common argument is that one does not have to find variation that far from the opening theme to establish parallelism. For example, the theme (the first eight measures of the piece) itself also possesses three structural moments identical to variation 25. However, notice that the statement above is not true: for the theme, we are not justified to assign the same structural moments as those of variation 25, namely, downbeats of measure 1, 4 and 7. In particular, the downbeat to the penultimate measure in the theme is not a structural moment. In fact, it is intentionally masked if we examine the preceding measure: its melody ascends linearly to F. Then the voice is abruptly and haphazardly cut off by the minor-third leap, in contrary motion, downward to D (see figure \ref{fig:brahms op24 theme minor-third leap}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T20_22_40-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Brahms, Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24, theme, excerpt, annotated to indicate the minor-third leap in contrary motion at the penultimate measure}
\label{fig:brahms op24 theme minor-third leap}
\end{figure}
Because of the leap, we get a sense of interruption and discontinuity. Lasser's theory of contrapuntal voices may help explain why the leap conveys a sense of interruption. In his ``The spiraling tapestry'', Lasser proposes a musical structure termed ``contrapuntal voice''. A seemingly monophonic voice of melody may be decomposed into possibly many ``contrapuntal voices'',\autocite[8]{lasser2008} thereby creating ``\,`single-line' counterpoint''\autocite[8]{lasser2008} within a monophonic texture. In Lasser's words, a melody ``which we normally consider to be a single voice, is in fact made up of a multiplicity of Contrapuntal Voices engaged in counterpoint with each other within the melody''.\autocite[8]{lasser2008} By proposing the idea of contrapuntal voices, we are equipped with better analytical tools in analysis of melodic contours. Specifically, we are able to understand monophonic melody from a more contrapuntal and polyphonic perspective. In practice, some instruments have limited capability in performing polyphonic texture. For example, it is physically impossible for a string instrument to play five moving voices simultaneously (whereas such task is simple for keyboard instruments such as piano and organ). However, it would be musically untrue to claim that compositions for string instruments are incapable of carrying out counterpoint. From a listener's perspective, we vividly recognize, through our musical instinct, that in a piece for solo string instrument, there are multiple events happening concurrently. Figuratively, we may imagine that a monophonic voice played by the string instrument is capable of conveying a theatrical sense of conversation between voices, personified as characters. For example, we may consider Bach's third cello suite (see figure \ref{fig:bach cello suite 3}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-18T14_49_09-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, Cello Suite No.3 in C major, BWV 1009, Bourree I, opening}
\label{fig:bach cello suite 3}
\end{figure}
For the example, we are justified to assume that Bach invariably carries over his polyphonic compositional style and method into this work for solo cello. However, due to the physical constraints of the cello as an instrument, he has to flatten the polyphonic texture into a monophonic one. Therefore, our task is to restore polyphony (because the piece is by a polyphonic composer) from monophony (because cello is inherently limited). For such a task, Lasser's formulation of contrapuntal voices provides insights into identifying and interpreting contrapuntal voices necessary for restoring polyphonic understanding of a monophonic voice.
For identification of contrapuntal voices, Lasser points out that the crux lies in the distinction between leap and step in a monophonic texture:
\begin{quote}
When discussing melodic contour, we habitually treat conjunct {[}i.e.~stepwise{]} and disjunct {[}i.e.~leap{]} motion as two distinct but nonetheless equal ways in which adjacent pitches can relate in a melody.{[}\ldots{]} Though visually, we see notes move by step or by leap, to the ear, notes connect \emph{only} by step, not by leap.\autocite[7]{lasser2008}
\end{quote}
Thus, the life cycle of contrapuntal voices is controlled by the melodic motion classified into step and leap motions. In particular, leap motion creates a new contrapuntal voice:
\begin{quote}
When a ``leap'' appears on the musical surface, it is aurally understood as the cessation of one Contrapuntal Voice and the beginning of another Contrapuntal Voice. Defined in this way, leaps or disjunct motion, disappear from the actual experience of a melody {[}\ldots{]}\autocite[8]{lasser2008}
\end{quote}
Applying the idea of contrapuntal voices to our analysis of figure \ref{fig:brahms op24 theme minor-third leap}, by moving the melody in linear motion up to F, listeners are following closely on the contrapuntal voice. However, the leap effectively breaks the contrapuntal voice and creates a new contrapuntal voice. Therefore, the D on the downbeat, being the beginning of the new contrapuntal voice, cannot serve the role of arrival point since no event comes before it. The leap causes the D on the downbeat to behave drastically differently from that in variation 25. In variation 25, the D is prepared using a leap-free linear motion, which gives it the role of inevitable arrival. The minor-third leap in this case, thus breaks the three-note figure that is the basis for establishing parallelism.
By the same token, we find that in variations leading to variation 25, the downbeat on the penultimate measure is often evaded. It is then possible to speculate that the evasion is intentional, with purposes similar to evaded cadence: by leaving the tension hanging and unresolved, the music can then delay its resolution, which effectively strengthens the resolution when it finally arrives. To see how evasion is achieved, we start our analysis from variation 21. In variation 21, the downbeat D in the penultimate measure is evaded by the trick of grace notes: D is technically the beginning of the measure, yet turning it into grace note successfully shifts the real downbeat to F. Similar technique happens with variation 22. On the penultimate measure, the music experiences a sudden pullback in the sense that the music is being reset to the beginning of the variation in the literal sense: the first half of the penultimate measure is identical to that of the first measure of variation 22. Now for variations 23 and 24, D finally becomes the downbeat of the penultimate measure. However, it is evaded again due to figuration: the scale with crescendo on the first and third beat causes the motion to be directed to the second and fourth beat of each measure (see figure \ref{fig:brahms op24 var21 22 23 24}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T20_10_26-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Brahms, Variations and Fugue on a Theme by Handel, Op. 24, variation 21 (top-left), 22 (top-right), 23 (bottom-left), 24 (bottom-right), side by side comparison of respective penultimate measures, annotated to illustrate methods of de-emphasizing the downbeat of the penultimate measure}
\label{fig:brahms op24 var21 22 23 24}
\end{figure}
The musical case study above illustrates how musical structures across different organizational levels may interact, contributing to the increased complexity as musical time climbs the ladder of abstraction. In fact, it also answers a potential objection. One may object by claiming that concepts of musical time at a higher organizational level does not lead to increased complexity. On the contrary, it leads to simplification. The claim is that large-scale musical structures serve as reductions that in fact simplify analysis. Consider the example of Schenkerian graphs: as we traverse from foreground graphs to background graphs, we are essentially in a process of moving from a low organizational level (i.e.~surface level that includes all musical events) to a high organizational level (i.e.~level that includes only major events). In other words, we are climbing the ``ladder of abstraction'' precisely in its originating and etymological sense: the linguistic concept, introduced by Hayakawa, that words subsume ideas of ``greater generality and applicability'' \autocite[159]{hayakawa1990language} as we metaphorically climb the abstraction ladder. One may then argue that such process is reductional, as it terminates with a background graph consisting of relatively few major events (i.e.~the Ursatz) because many of the details (i.e.~elaborations) are being omitted during the process. What we eventually obtain from the process is a simplified representation consisting of number of notes (for example, six for a typical Ursatz) that is orders of magnitudes lower than its foreground representation (by literally counting number of notes that appear on the printed score). Similarly, from a formal perspective, we observe that in analysis, a piece is often reduced to its formal components. For example, analysts subsume a variety of pieces into the catalog of rounded-binary form, ignoring pitch contents specific to each piece. How can a simplified representation reconcile with the idea that large-scale structures introduce additional complexity?
To counter such potential objection, one must recognize how multiple organizational levels introduce more possibilities for cross-level interactions. It is true that the background level of a Schenkerian graph is simple, which mostly contains just the Ursatz itself. However, the essential part of the analysis is to see how different levels interact. In particular, in Schenkerian analysis, we are entitled to say that its value resides in comparing graphs side by side, showing how events across different organizational levels inform each other. It is for this reason that by convention, Schenkerian graphs are often notationally presented in a way that they are aligned vertically, in order to highlight the reductional process, rather than the individual graphs (e.g.~musical illustrations found in the second volume of Salzer's ``Structural Hearing''\autocite{salzer_1952_2}, see figure \ref{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs} on page \pageref{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs}). In other words, it is through the relationship between Schenkerian graphs representing different organizational levels, that the theory attains its explanatory power. Similarly, knowing the three formal divisions of the sonata-allegro form alone is pointless, because the real musical value concerns how these formal divisions are brought to life through composers' crafts, which requires us to closely examine how musical details relate to the formal divisions.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T17_22_10-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Diagram showing 5 levels of organization as a result of recursively dividing a 16-measure passage by a factor of 2}
\label{fig:16-measure grouping}
\end{figure}
In order to illustrate how interactions between multiple organizational levels introduce more musical possibilities, we present a simple combinatorial argument here. Consider a 16-measure metrical model that is recursively divided into groups of two, giving us a collection of the following musical groupings (see figure \ref{fig:16-measure grouping}): a 16-measure phrase group, two eight-measure phrases, four four-measure subphrases, eight two-measure phrase segments, and 16 one-measure measures. The collection consists of five levels of organization: 16-measure level, eight-measure level, etc. We can do analysis with this metrical model in three different ways. For this toy example, what constitutes analysis here is simply counting pairwise relations within the collection of musical groupings enumerated above. For this example, we focus on unordered pairs, in the sense that the relationship between phrase A and phrase B is the same as that between phrase B and phrase A. Combinatorics gives us useful mathematical tools for counting, making this example a combinatorial argument.
The first approach is what can be called a forgetful simplification. With this approach, we are forgetful such that when moving to a higher level of organization, we forget about lower levels of organization. Applying to Schenkerian analysis, this is to say that we keep only the background Schenkerian graph, and feed all other graphs (i.e.~foreground and middle ground graphs) into the paper shredder. Therefore, we start with the 16-measure metrical model, and through the analysis, are left with only one thing, namely, the 16-measure phrase group. Everything at a lower level of organization (e.g.~eight-measure phrase) is lost. With this approach, the analysis is not really informative because the number of possible pairwise relations is zero (assuming that we disregard self-relating pairs).
The second approach is more telling. The analysis is no longer forgetful, because we realize that every organizational level is born equal: a four-measure subphrase is not inferior to a 16-measure phrase group. Therefore, by principle of indifference, we should not forget about four-measure subphrases in favor of the 16-measure phrase group. However, at this stage, we are still reluctant to consider pairwise relations across levels of organization because we think such relations cause categorical error: we are comparing apples and oranges. In this case, how many pairwise relations can we produce? Introducing tools from combinatorics, we have a function \(\binom{n}{r}\) that gives us the number of possible ways to select \(r\) items from a collection of \(n\) items where the order of selection does not matter. With the introduced tool, we can count now:
\[
\binom{16}{2} + \binom{8}{2} + \binom{4}{2} + \binom{2}{2} = 155
\]
The third approach takes into consideration pairwise relations across levels of organization. Suppose now, after reading the musical case study presented in section \ref{section:musical case study op24}, we realize that comparing a four-measure subphrase to an 16-measure phrase group is not comparing apples and oranges. Instead, such comparison might be musically insightful. In such a case, how many pairwise relations can we produce? The answer is given by:
\[
\binom{16 + 8 + 4 + 2 + 1}{2} = 465
\]
By comparing the numbers, we can readily see what it means to have more possibilities. It literally refers to more number of pairwise relations through counting.
Therefore, we arrive at a seemingly counterintuitive conclusion: reduction of musical time is not about simplifying analysis. Rather, it makes us better appreciate the complexity of music as an inherently ``hierarchical and temporal" \autocite[6]{yust_2018} construct. In fact, Salzer arrived at the same conclusion by stressing the interdependence and symbiosis between structure and prolongation. On the one hand, he points out that the central concern of Schenkerian analysis is the ``distinction between structure and prolongation''. \autocite[13]{salzer_1952} Meanwhile, he warned the reader with a beautifully written passage:
\begin{quote}
It is wrong to assume, however, that finding the structural framework constitutes the sole purpose of this [Schenkerian] approach. On the contrary, structural hearing implies much more. It enables us to listen to a work musically, because by grasping the structural outline of a piece we feel the full impact of its prolongation which are the flesh and blood of a composition. Thus the structural outline or framework represents the fundamental motion to the goal; it shows the direct, the shortest way to this goal. The whole interest and tension of a piece consists in the expansions, modifications, detours and elaborations of this basic direction, and these we call the prolongations. \autocite[14]{salzer_1952}
\end{quote}
Performers are in a position to resonate with the above statement. As one studies a piece of music in order to present it for on-stage performance, the symbiosis is particularly evident. While the knowledge of formal structure is necessary for a better musical understanding, it is through elaborations in the Schenkerian sense that music manifests its manifold of expressive variety aforementioned (see page \pageref{musical_variety}), bringing into life its ``flesh and blood''. \autocite[14]{salzer_1952} Knowing that a piece conforms to the formal schema of exposition-development-recapitulation is informative, yet the true musical interest rests in how it carries out the schema, making it stand as a unique work of art among the oeuvre of all works. In short, realization and (more importantly) deviation of formal schema in practice (in terms of both composition and performance) are the force behind the expressive power listeners readily feel. Poetically speaking, if one is to say that the value of music analysis by reduction is not the end result, but the very process itself, then for performers, the process of preparing a piece for performance becomes a narrative itself. In fact, it is a metanarrative whereby performers produce a series of analyses (e.g.~Schenkerian graphs) in order to become intimately familiar with the piece. Most importantly, the significance of such metanarrative is precisely the very personal experience of living with the music, along with all the joy and frustration associated that take place off-stage. When compared to the totality of this metanarrative, its end result, i.e.~a successful performance of the piece, becomes less significant.
\section{Summary}
Throughout this chapter, we focused on a particular statement: time is often overlooked in music. The way we elucidated the statement was to interpret it using multiples perspectives. With the first perspective, we explored how within the field of music, time receives relatively little attention. With the second perspective, we explored how explicit discussion of time is often deliberately avoided in music. To highlight the deliberate avoidance, we contrast the treatment of time in music to that in other disciplines where time as an essential concept is often spelled out. Finally, with the third perspective, we attempt to justify the observation that time is overlooked in music by proposing that the explicit notion of time has been abstracted away as we focus on increasingly abstract conceptions of music that are based on notions such as musical phrase and musical variety. Therefore, the focus of musical discourse has shifted away from time.
With the statement that time is overlooked in music, the natural necessity of looking elsewhere arises. After all, we may argue that if a topic in a field is overlooked, then it is also likely that the field would lack terminologies and methodologies required to address the topic. On the other hand, disciplines with explicit focus on the topic of time are likely to inform and inspire us on the topic. One natural place to continue the current discussion is the disciplines where the notion of temporal asymmetry acquires its etymological origin, to which we should refer even for the sake of faithfully introducing the concept. Therefore, we examined the topic of temporal asymmetry as explicated in the fields of science and philosophy, which will be our focus of chapter \ref{chap:time_arrow_science}.
\chapter{The arrow of time in science and philosophy}
\label{chap:time_arrow_science}
Recall that in section \ref{section:further_decomposition}, the notion that time flows implies two separate statements. The first states that the past and the future are distinguishable. The second states that they are distinguishable in a unique way such that we are entitled to say that time necessarily flows from the past to the future. We should note that the first statement is a necessary condition for the second statement, but the converse is not true: it is possible to have distinguishability of the past and the future, yet time flows in an opposite direction (if the term ``opposite'' means anything at all).
This chapter is dedicated to the discussion of these two statements from the perspective of philosophy and science. In particular, in section \ref{sec:record}, we focus on the philosophical perspective of the distinguishability (i.e.~the first statement) between the past and the future, with emphasis on epistemology. In section \ref{section:arrow of time}, we focus on the scientific perspective of the arrow of time (i.e.~the second statement), with emphasis on thermodynamics.
\section{Record and trace}
\label{sec:record}
We begin by considering a simple musical question: how is the beginning distinguished from the ending? The question may appear silly at first because everyone knows its answer, the same way everyone knows what time is according to Augustine (see page \pageref{augustine_time}). But if we continue along the way Augustine argues, we then ask: do we \emph{really} know their distinction? We should acknowledge that this simple musical question is real as it is what musicians must seriously consider in practice. The beginning and the ending of a piece of music must be constructed differently and under different set of premises. For example, more specifically, how is an introduction different from a coda? Knowing the difference between the two directly affects one's interpretive decisions. Musicians may give various creative answers. For example, one may argue that the introduction is more anticipatory in function, whereas coda is more conclusive. Meanwhile, others may argue that a coda can also be anticipatory if we take into consideration that it may serve as the transition to the next movement.
\subsection{A motivational musical case study: introduction and coda in the first movement of Beethoven's piano sonata, Op. 111}
\label{sec:op111}
The first movement of Beethoven's piano sonata Op. 111 serves the purpose of illustration. Conveniently, the movement simultaneously contains both an introduction and a coda, enabling us to compare them for differences. The role of the introduction in this example is non-arbitrary: it introduces, prepares and anticipates the theme on measure 19 (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op111 mov1 19}). Knowing its anticipatory function, we can then claim a provocative statement: the theme is motivically captured and represented by a single note, the note C representing its downbeat as well as the tonic of the key of the whole movement. One can further notice that for this sonata, the single pitch C plays a more crucial role than C minor as a key by observing its two movements: the first movement (C minor) and the second movement (C major) are tonally related by parallel relationship. For parallel keys, the commonality primarily rests in the shared tonic \emph{note} instead of \emph{scale}. Motivically speaking, the introduction then represents a process of affirming the note of C, thereby achieving its anticipatory function, i.e.~it helps listeners to anticipate the arrival of C as the downbeat of the exposition.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-27T02_29_44-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, excerpt, annotated to identify the transition between introduction and the first theme}
\label{fig:beethoven op111 mov1 19}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T17_46_28-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, measures 6 - 10}
\label{fig:beethoven op111 mov1 6-10}
\end{figure}
The musical strategies to achieve the anticipatory function are the following. Our goal is to prepare the theme represented by the note C. Firstly, we adopt a performer's perspective and examine a crucial section within the introduction: measures 6-10 (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op111 mov1 6-10}). The section is crucial because for performers, it is tricky both technically and musically. Technically, the section is challenging as it requires precise sound control (voicing of six simultaneous notes with pianissimo) and rhythmic control (i.e.~the double dotted rhythm, again with pianissimo). More important, the section is musically challenging because one easily produces a monotonic performance primarily due to the double dotted rhythmic pattern throughout. In response, listeners might be disoriented and wonder what this section is musically about. Ironically, a convincing performance of this section represents a musical sense of disorientation: a process of searching, as if the music is poetically personified, and wanders aimlessly in the dark. The distinction between a musical sense of disorientation and disorientation as expressing a listener's confusion is in the same manner we have good and bad surprises: musical surprises and disturbing surprises due to suboptimal performance. Through depiction of musical disorientation, the anticipatory function is achieved in this section by a successful representation of searching: we anticipate the theme because the theme is previously unclear, hidden in the musical mist. As a result, the anticipatory function of the introduction is nothing but the urge to clear the musical mist as one musically searches for C: a clearly presentation of the note C at the downbeat by itself may sound abrupt and haphazard. However, if the note is prepared by the introduction such that it results naturally as the inevitable consequence of the introduction, listeners are satisfied in the same way one finds satisfaction in solving puzzles.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T18_02_36-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, enumerating occurrences of note C, annotated to illustrate methods of de-emphasizing the note}
\label{fig:beethoven op111 mov1 enumerate}
\end{figure}
Secondly, in addition to the section highlighted by measures 6-10, the entire introduction prepares the arrival of note C by deliberately avoiding it until the onset of measure 19. We observe the avoidance by enumerating all musical events involving note C in the introduction (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op111 mov1 enumerate}). The trill in measure 1 is the first melodic appearance of C, however, it is de-emphasized and destabilized by two musical devices: the trill representing melodic instability and unstable harmonic support (i.e.~diminished seventh). Then in measure 2, C occurs in the second quarter beat. However, notice how it is musically passing: melodically it acts as a passing tone between B on the downbeat and D on the strong third beat (not only in terms of metrical accents if we notice the dynamic marking); dynamically it is explicitly marked by p; metrically it occurs on the weakest quarter beat (note that the fourth beat is empty, making the second beat the weakest beat that listeners can perceive). After measure 2, surprisingly (unsurprising to our analysis), note C is completely absent until measure 10. However, C is again de-emphasized in measure 10, albeit having a dynamic mark of f: the sole purpose of the three last eighth notes of the measure is to lead into the downbeat of measure 11. Between measure 11 and measure 18, the interpretation of C is more evident by noticing its role as the upper neighbor of B. Despite the harmonic evidence that B is supported by a dominant harmony throughout the introduction (in which case B is the leading tone to C), locally (between measure 11 and measure 18) B is harmonically stabilized by repeating localized harmonic resolutions: B on the downbeat of measure 11 is the resolution of an augmented sixth, and the two occurrences of B on the downbeat of measure 13 and measure 15 are the resolutions of diminished fifth between the outer voices. As a result of B appearing as a stable pitch locally in the section between measure 11 and measure 18, C can be locally interpreted as the upper neighbor of B.
The section consisting of measure 11-18 is one of the best examples illustrating how musical interpretation is entirely contextual: the local musical evidence in the section indicates that C is the upper neighbor of B. Only through retrospection after hearing the downbeat of measure 19, one can realize the reversal of role: B is in fact, the leading tone to C, restoring our understanding that B is supported by a dominant pedal throughout the introduction.
The coda that begins on the third beat of measure 146, on the other hand, is more controversial concerning its function within the piece. For this example, the coda is less definitive in function because we can argue that its function may be interpreted in two distinctive ways: conclusive or anticipatory.
A word is needed to justify the identification of the coda. We can identify coda using musical parallelism (or more generally, pattern matching) between the end of the exposition section and the end of the recapitulation section. In sonatas without a coda, by definition, the end of the recapitulation is also the end of the entire work. Conversely, if there is musical material after the end of the recapitulation section, then we identify it as the coda. Now the question is reduced to the identification of the end of the recapitulation section. Empirically, the match between the end of the exposition and that of the recapitulation is exact, in the sense that the last phrase of the exposition is the same to that of the recapitulation, up to a difference in keys (i.e.~the exposition often ends with a ``wrong'' key that is later corrected by the recapitulation). For example, consider the first movement of Beethoven's piano sonata Op. 2, No.~3. The final phrase of the movement (see figure \ref{fig:op2no3recap}) is the transposed version (disregarding minor difference in musical details) of the final phrase of the exposition (see figure \ref{fig:op2no3expo}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-10-19-00-12-27.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No. 3, Op. 2, No. 3, first movement, ending of the exposition}
\label{fig:op2no3expo}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-10-19-00-12-53.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No. 3, Op. 2, No. 3, first movement, ending of the entire movement}
\label{fig:op2no3recap}
\end{figure}
In both places, the ending is characterized by four measures of stormy sixteenth notes consisting of broken octaves, followed by two measures of cadential closure. Such parallelism between the ending of the exposition (see figure \ref{fig:op111expo}) and that of the recapitulation (see figure \ref{fig:op111recap}) is also found in the first movement of Op. 111.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-10-19-00-41-32.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No. 32, Op. 111, first movement, ending of the exposition}
\label{fig:op111expo}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-10-19-00-42-07.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No. 32, Op. 111, first movement, ending of the recapitulation, annotated to identify the coda}
\label{fig:op111recap}
\end{figure}
In fact, we may even notice how the musical characterization is similar for the two sonatas: a few measures of stormy running notes, followed by a decisive cadential closure. Now, we see how the parallelism is broken: if the movement contains no coda, then it should end in the same manner as the first movement of Op. 2, No.~3. In other words, the final phrase of the exposition indicates that the movement should end on the second beat of measure 146 if it contains no coda. It follows that all musical material after that moment constitutes the coda.
By the terminological definition of the word, we naturally interpret coda as a conclusive passage as the term literally means ``tail''. In other words, it musically summarizes a movement. Summary, which often occurs at the end of a work (note that it does not make sense to talk about summary of the future, i.e.~events which have not yet taken place), looks behind into the past and refers to previous materials. One common challenge in a coda is to find the balance: on the one hand, it must be sufficiently unrelated to the rest of the work in order to be considered a coda as an appended section. On the other hand, it must at the same time refer to previous materials in order to be considered a conclusion that summarizes the work as a whole. In this example, Beethoven achieves the balance through recombination of musical elements from previous passages. The recombination makes the coda reminiscent of previously heard passages, suggesting parallelism. For example, the running sixteenth-note figure in the left hand (see figure \ref{fig:op111 mov1 coda running figure}) reminds the listeners of the running sixteenth notes between measure 23 and 26 (see figure \ref{fig:op111 mov1 theme running figure}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-27T03_30_58-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, coda (excerpt)}
\label{fig:op111 mov1 coda running figure}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-27T03_24_53-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, measure 23-26}
\label{fig:op111 mov1 theme running figure}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-27T03_38_17-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, coda (excerpt), annotated to identify ascending melodic figure (interrupted by pedal point C) delineated by the following pitches: D - E - F - G - B - (C, not included in figure)}
\label{fig:op111 mov1 coda ascending figure}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-27T03_42_41-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, excerpt, annotated to identify transposed repetition}
\label{fig:op111 mov1 transposed repetition}
\end{figure}
Additionally, the ascending melodic figure (see figure \ref{fig:op111 mov1 coda ascending figure}) in the right hand (ignoring the haunting pedal point on note C) is reminiscent of multiple places in the movement characterized by sequentially elevating a melodic segment in register. For example, the section between measure 128 and 131 shows such pattern where the same melodic segment (i.e.~a quintuplets followed by two eighth notes) is repeated with transposition (see figure \ref{fig:op111 mov1 transposed repetition}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-27T03_44_42-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~32, Op. 111, first movement, top: measure 16, bottom: measure 156}
\label{fig:op111 mov1 long note}
\end{figure}
Finally, the whole note in measure 156 makes direct reference to the whole note in measure 16 (see figure \ref{fig:op111 mov1 long note}). In fact, those are the only two occurrences of the leading tone B in the form of long note values throughout the movement. One should note from the examples of recombination above that the effect of recombination is exactly the following. Musical elements are firstly broken into fragmentary pieces, then they are recombined in the coda, such that each fragmentary piece refers to some earlier details yet there is no obvious parallelism in large-scale (e.g.~phrase level) musical patterns.
However, the coda in this example can also serve an anticipatory function. It is anticipatory if we consider it as a transition between the first and second movement. That is, if we consider inter-movement narrative, which is common in late-Beethoven sonatas (e.g.~the last movement of sonata Op. 101 begins in direct reference to the opening of the first movement), then the coda in this example functions similarly to the opening introduction: it introduces the arrival of the second movement.
The musical discussion above, through the specific concepts of introduction and coda, introduces the distinction between the past and the future. It shows that in music we invariably treat the past and the future differently, and such difference is hard-coded in our musical thinking. For now, however, we examine how the difference between the past and the future is handled in philosophy. In particular, we focus on the epistemological aspect of the difference, as music concerns the subjective experience of time more than the physical reality of time (see section \ref{music_as_subjective_experience}). Things related to our subjective experience, as knowledge of the world, are categorized as epistemological.
\subsection{Epistemic difference between the past and the future}
\label{section:epistemic difference between the past and the future}
The previous musical discussion in secion \ref{sec:op111} can act as a springboard for motivating a more general question: how is the past distinguished from the future? Notice that this question must be discussed before we can define the arrow of time at all, as the tail and head of the arrow correspond exactly to the past and the future.
In his book ``Time and chance'', Albert points out that the ``sort of epistemic access we have to the past is different from the sort of epistemic access we have to the future''.\autocite[113]{time_and_chance} Furthermore, the difference is not about the content of our knowledge. For example, we have the knowledge whose content is simply the sentence ``sun rises in the morning'', and the same content applies equally to our knowledge of yesterday (in the past) and of tomorrow (in the future). Additionally, we have exactly the same degree of belief that the sun rose yesterday and that the sun will rise tomorrow. Similarly, it is not so much about the difference in the amount of knowledge we have for the past and the future either. Therefore, the author continues:
\begin{quote}
{[}If{]} it's said that we know more of the past than we do of the future, this seems (according to the usual way of talking) true enough, but (as it stands) not particularly informative.\autocite[113]{time_and_chance}
\end{quote}
In fact, we can easily construct a thought experiment that presents a counterexample where one somehow knows more about the future. Consider a degenerate scenario in a mythological style: a fortune teller has the incredible ability to make predictions. Like a muse, she sings about the future events naturally as water flows out of the fountain. However, the gods are jealous of her gift and make her virtually memoryless as trade-off to her predictive gift. Therefore, the fortune teller can predict the future accurately, yet at the same time, cannot even remember what was just said seconds ago. In this case, we are quite confident that the fortune teller knows more about the future than the past. But does this difference in amount of knowledge confuse her perception of time? Moreover, does it reverse the direction of her perceived time? The answer is no. In particular, causal relations are preserved such that cause must happen before effect in her predictions. For example, she may predict poetically that the end of the world's history is an inferno-like scene filled with sorrow and destruction, \emph{as a result} of the gods' wrath and jealousy.
Thus, according to Albert, the difference lies in ``the methods by which we come to know things about the past and the future''.\autocite[113]{time_and_chance} In other words, the issue is not about the content of knowledge, but the process of acquiring that content. The methods (or processes) of acquiring the knowledge of the past and of the future somehow involve inferences (or calculations) that are fundamentally different in mechanism.
We remember the past. However, the peculiar implication is that we do not remember the future. In other words, we have the memory of the past, which has no counterpart in the future. One may claim that this is merely a play of words, since the term ``remember'', by definition, refers to the past. However, one immediately realizes that it is not a play of words if we consider the idea of retrodiction as the time-reversal counterpart to prediction. According to Albert, the epistemic difference between the past and the future is illustrated by considering the unequal treatment of prediction and retrodiction in reality:
\begin{quote}
{[}Whatever{]} we take ourselves to know of the future, or (more generally) whatever we take to be knowable of the future, is in principle ascertainable by means of prediction. Some of what we take ourselves to know about the past (the past positions of the planets, for example) is no doubt similarly ascertainable by means of retrodiction---but far from all of it; rather little of it, in fact. Most of it we know by means of records.\autocite[116]{time_and_chance}
\end{quote}
The past is special because it gives rise to things called record and trace, through which we can know the past through a special method called recalling. It is special because, as Smart puts it, ``\,`prediction' is not the future analogue of `memory'\,''.\autocite[80]{smart_temporal_asymmetry_of_the_world} Therefore, what we are encountering is a peculiar case that we have three ways of knowing the past and the future: record-reading (e.g.~memory), retrodiction, and prediction. The asymmetry corresponds entirely to the uneven assignment of methods: while there are two methods to know the past, there is only one method to know the future. Prediction and retrodiction are conceptually dual, which can be symbolically cancelled out as they are paired the same way the past and the future are paired, leaving record-reading unpaired. The core issue here is summarized concisely as follows. Firstly, why is there no future-analogue of records? One should note that this question is exactly what we mean by we not remembering the future: we have no way to acquire knowledge of the future through future-analogue of records. Secondly, one may ask alternatively that, why in reality, we almost never use retrodiction (as the past-analogue of prediction) which is a conceptual counterpart more natural record-reading to prediction, to know the past?
Let's see what that means in music. As classically trained musicians, upon hearing a dissonance, we immediately predict and anticipate that it will be eventually resolved. We might not know when exactly the dissonance will be resolved. For example, late-Romantic works might not resolve the dissonance until the very end, leaving the dissonance unresolved for hours. However, we know with a high degree of confidence that it will be resolved eventually and we have the patience to wait. Moreover, we know that the resolution will be unique: it will resolve to some form of the tonic chord. How would we know that? Because it is the definition of harmonic resolution. If it were to resolve to some other sonority such as a vi in deceptive cadence, then it would not actually be considered a resolution. Therefore, anticipating a harmonic resolution is an instance of musical prediction, representing our epistemic method of knowing the future. The specific rules for prediction may be complicated, but the nature of prediction is straightforward: we are given the present state of the world (e.g.~a heard dominant seventh chord), as well as a set of inference rules (e.g.~voice-leading rules) that allow us to speculate about the future state of the world (e.g.~a tonic chord that follows). Albert describes the nature of prediction similarly, albeit with a different set of terminology:
\begin{quote}
Everything we can know about the future {[}\ldots{]} can in principle be deduced from nothing over and above the dynamical equations of motion and the probability-distribution which is uniform, on the standard measure, over the world's present directly surveyable condition. \autocite[114]{time_and_chance}
\end{quote}
Now consider the method of acquiring knowledge of the past. In practice, we know the heard musical events simply by recalling: we know that we are in the recapitulation section of a piece because we remember the opening of the piece. Therefore, by comparing what we currently listen to and our memory of the opening, we note the similarity that enables us to claim that we are at the recapitulation section in the piece. But how about retrodiction? Suppose that we hear the final tonic chord of the piece, can we retrodict, without relying on the convenience of memory, and somehow expect the consonance to be musically un-resolved to a dissonance in the past? Essentially, we are asking the question: can we analyze voice-leading backwards in time? To be more specific, we are not talking about the idea that dissonance comes after consonance (as in the case of back-relating dominants). All musical events and score are given as they appear now: the content of musical events is presented in the original temporal sequence such that the resolution of a dissonance comes after it. Instead, we are interested in a time-reversal \emph{description} (i.e.~music analysis) of the same \emph{content} (i.e.~music performance). In particular, we are doing analysis in a right-to-left fashion.
Before moving on, we need to further clarify the distinction between retrodiction and recalling from memory, as both refer to the past. One may argue that in the example of Beethoven Op. 111 given above, we encounter instances of retrodictive analysis (see section \ref{sec:op111}). In particular, one may claim that it is due to retrodiction that listeners may retrospectively reinterpret the whole note B in measure 16 as the leading tone to C on the downbeat of measure 19. Therefore, one may start the analysis with measure 19 and proceed to the left of the score, and ``retrodict'' that the identity of B is the leading tone of C. However, it is not correct to call this process of reinterpreting note B a retrodiction. By definition of retrodiction, it must be identical with prediction in mechanism. In particular, we must predict and retrodict with the sole help of inference rules. However, in reinterpreting the note B which lies in the past, we have the additional help of memory. We are inferring the identity of B retrospectively using additional information, i.e.~the memory of listening to B. Therefore, the basic analytical procedure of reinterpreting B can be briefly summarized as follows: the analysis begins from the first measure and proceeds forward in time. Upon encountering the note B in measure 16, its identity is inferred by the musical context to be the central note to which note C is an upper neighbor. Then, when we encounter the note C in measure 19, we necessarily recall our experience in measure 16 from memory, in order to reinterpret the identity of B. The essential step of recalling from memory is what makes the analysis no longer retrodictive. Memory gives us a shortcut by granting us immediate access to the past: in reinterpreting B, we are given the present moment (i.e.~measure 19) as well as the memory of the past (i.e.~measure 16) as known conditions. In particular, we must retain the memory of note B until at least measure 19 (although we might not be aware of its presence), keeping it known to us. Only through retaining the memory, we are then able to confirm and reinterpret the identity of a previously heard chord. On the contrary, if the analysis is to be considered a retrodiction, we must be given the present moment as well as (potentially) future moments (i.e.~music after measure 19) as known conditions, while keeping the experience of the past largely unknown. In short, to qualify for retrodiction, one must have more epistemic access to the future than to the past. However, in reality, the opposite is often true: we more often encounter cases where our epistemic access of the past is (believed to be) more than that of the future. In fact, it is precisely due to the difference in epistemic access, that we are entitled to interpret memory of the past as a \emph{known} condition, while the future remains largely \emph{unknown}. Therefore, the retrospective (not retrodictive) analysis of reinterpreting the note B is of very different nature than a true retrodictive analysis: it does not need to infer the unknown (e.g.~the candidates of a harmonic resolution). Instead, it serves to further clarify what we already know (i.e.~the experience of listening to measure 16).
Now, memory is considered additional help to reinterpretation of the note B because it is not domain-specific to music analysis, i.e.~recalling a heard musical event does not constitute a rule in the realm of music analysis. As such, it is additional to the rules of music analysis. For example, given the dominant chord, we predict that it is followed by a tonic chord based on voice-leading rules. However, given a tonic chord, remembering that it follows a dominant chord does not involve any voice-leading rules. Instead, memory involves a general-purpose and non-domain-specific method of inquiry. We need less knowledge of music theory to realize that we just heard a dissonance, than to predict possible resolutions upon hearing a dissonance.
Retrodictive voice-leading is technically possible, yet seldom encountered in practice. The possibility is warranted by the fact that, when the focus of analysis lies largely on musical notations, the analysis of temporal relations is reduced to that of spatial relations between notated symbols. As mentioned in section \ref{space_vs_time}, spatial relations attain no inherent orientation due to the principle of indifference. Consequently, a right-to-left analysis should be equally justified to a left-to-right analysis (whether they make equal sense is another matter), resulting in equal popularity of prediction and retrodiction concerning methods of music analysis. However, we almost never discuss backward harmonic progressions in terms of backward voice-leading rules in practice (except for a few special settings such as the crab canon), let alone right-to-left analysis in general. As a result, we lack terminologies to discuss voice-leading rules (if they make any sense at all) that describe right-to-left musical relations. For example, what is the past-analogue of resolving the leading tone and chordal seventh? Notationally, we are justified to use left-to-right arrows to denote the resolution process. In a typical resolution scheme of dominant seventh chord, we have three such arrows: scale degree \(\hat5\) (i.e.~the root) points to scale degree \(\hat1\), scale degree \(\hat7\) (i.e.~the leading tone) points to \(\hat1\), and scale degree \(\hat4\) (i.e.~chordal seventh) points to \(\hat3\). On the contrary, concerning the same resolution process, it makes less musical sense to construct the reciprocal description using three right-to-left arrows where, given the tonic chord, arrows point to the preceding dominant chord on the left to retrodict the voice-leading rules. In fact, retrodictive music analysis is generally uncommon due to two potential reasons. The first is that it is not musically natural: why would analysis begin with the last measure and proceed backward when the music is to be performed from the first measure onward? Such a question is particularly appealing to performers who insist that analysis must be performance-centric, in the way that analysis of notated symbols must explain (as opposed to challenge) intuitions listeners have in response to performances. In other words, after reading an analysis of a piece of music, the readers should experience an ``aha'' moment, which enables us to say: ``this is why I felt that way when I heard the piece!''. The second reason is that it is not analytically effective because one has a better method to know the past: through memory rather than retrodiction. Since recalling from memory is far more effective than retrodicting and speculating about the past, one simply avoids analytical methods using retrodiction altogether for practical purposes. In other words, we do not use right-to-left voice-leading rules to calculate and speculate the past, because the past is simply in our memory as a given.
In short, memory (or more generally, record) is an exceptionally powerful and efficient method by which we obtain knowledge of the past. It is due to its exceptional power and efficiency of inference that we are accustomed to saying we remember the past instead of retrodicting it. Nothing is technically unorthodox about retrodicting the past in ways identical to predicting the future to give us knowledge of other points in time. However, memory is practically more useful so that we simply do not use retrodiction in practice when memory is available. As a result, we have distinct epistemic methods through which we acquire knowledge of the past and the future, thus making them distinguishable.
The power of memory is vividly captured in the words of Smart's thought experiment, as he further examines the difference between the past and the future in his article ``The temporal asymmetry of the world'':
\begin{quote}
Suppose that like Laplace thought of the universe as such that an infinite intelligence who knew the total state of it at time \(t_0\) could deduce its at any other time before or after \(t_0\). Then a sufficiently powerful intelligence who made a sufficiently thorough examination of the state of a person's brain would be able to deduce (admittedly not with certainty, but very nearly with certainty) that, say, he shot a rabbit ten miles away three weeks ago. However much it examined a man's brain, however it could not deduce that in three weeks time he would shoot a rabbit which is now ten miles away. In order to do so it would have to consider a far wider region of space than the person's brain: it would have to consider the present state of the rabbit and the intervening country, and after superhuman calculations predict that the rabbit will travel ten miles, enter the gentleman's paddock just as the gentleman was out shooting, that the shot would occur at just such a time that the bullet would enter the rabbit's head, and so on. \autocite[81]{smart_temporal_asymmetry_of_the_world}
\end{quote}
Albert argues similarly using the thought experiment of billiard balls instead. He argues that reading records of the past through measuring record-bearing devices
\begin{quote}
can be immensely more powerful, that they can be immensely more informative, than inferences of the predictive/retrodictive variety. Think (for example) of an isolated collection of billiard balls moving around on a frictionless table. And suppose that billiard ball number 5 (say) is currently at rest; and consider the question of whether or not, over the past ten seconds, billiard ball number 5 happens to have collided with any of the other billiard balls. The business of answering that question by means of retrodiction will of course require as input a great deal more information about the present --- it will require (in particular) a complete catalogue of the present positions and velocities of all the other billiard balls in the collection. But note that the question can also be settled, definitively, in the affirmative, merely by means of a single binary bit of information about the past; a bit of information to the effect that billiard ball number 5 was moving ten seconds ago.\autocite[117]{time_and_chance}
\end{quote}
The author gives an information-theoretic perspective which can shed light on the power of memory. When we say that memory is more powerful than retrodiction, the implication is that it greatly simplifies problems concerning the past, making their solutions easier. The information-theoretic perspective quantifies the notion of difficulty: memory makes acquiring knowledge of the past less difficult because it, in the above example the billiard board, requires only one binary bit (0 or 1) to represent the state of the particular billiard board in question. On the contrary, retrodiction requires many more binary bits to be considered in order to compute the same state that is represented using a single bit. To show how information can quantify difficulty, consider the simple example of species counterpoint. In a classroom setting, instructors and students alike agree that counterpoint exercises involving more voices are more difficult than those involving fewer voices. For example, a two-part third-species counterpoint exercise is considered easier than a four-part third-species counterpoint given the same cantus firmus. It is for this reason that the pedagogical order of introducing the subject is to begin with two-part writing, and gradually move to writings involving more voices. As the number of voices increase, students necessarily have to consider more information (i.e.~relationship between voices) in order to complete tasks such as avoiding parallel motion.
After recognizing the effectiveness of memory and records in general, a question naturally follows: what makes records so uniquely powerful in probing the past? Why can memory greatly simplify questions concerning the past? In other words, we need to closely examine the mechanism through which memory is used and justified as a valid method of knowing the past. It appears to us that we can magically read the past from either memory or record-bearing devices (such as a video footage) and trust the reading in the following sense: our memory and record-bearing devices may be instrumentally unreliable as to make technical glitches. However, once we are certain that there is no technical error with the records, we unconditionally trust its reading as the record of the past. In essence, we firmly believe that objects are capable to deterministically carry records of the past.
To continue the tradition in philosophical arguments that one often constructs absurd scenarios (for a famous example: brain in a vat) to illustrate a case, we consider a thought experiment concerning criminal investigations. In a criminal scene, the trace of fingerprint is a definitive proof of one's presence in the scene. We might question the instrumental reliability of reading the fingerprint trace. For example, the equipment might lack the precision required to give an accurate reading, or the fingerprint trace might be sufficiently deteriorated over time such that it is no longer intelligible. However, once we overcome the technical difficulties, obtain a reading of the fingerprint, and find a match to some suspect, then we can definitively assert his/her presence. In other words, we firmly believe that the fingerprint trace is, somehow, fundamentally capable of documenting a person's presence as a record of the past. The likelihood, that this fundamental (i.e.~ignoring the issue of instrumental reliability) correlation between the record (i.e.~the fingerprint trace) and the represented past (i.e.~the event that the suspect was present in the scene) is broken, is abysmally small to the extent that it is almost absurd to say that the fingerprint trace is formed in any ways other than the act of physical touching the place with the finger carrying that exact fingerprint. Similarly, Smart gives a more poetically tranquil metaphor:
\begin{quote}
Consider a stretch of sand on which there are footprints. We can deduce that a man walked that way because there is practically only one way in which an indentation like a footprint can come about. It is by the actual pressing of a foot into the sand. But if we see a virgin stretch of sand can we deduce that there will be a footprint? Obviously not. Virgin sand is compatible with there later on being footprints, claw prints, heel marks, wave marks, or anything else, including nothing at all. \autocite[80]{smart_temporal_asymmetry_of_the_world}
\end{quote}
Note that in both examples presented above, we have embedded a type of a priori assumption, that records faithfully give knowledge of the past. In particular, the assumption further implies that records are brought into reality with the sole cause of its representing events in the past. Therefore, the fingerprint trace cannot be due to \emph{any} means (e.g.~forming the fingerprint trace as the result of pure chance) other than the event of physical touching with a finger. Similarly, the footprints are record-bearing devices that come into existence with the sole cause of the actual foot-pressing event. It is so unlikely that we may say it is practically impossible to have the footprints that are due to spontaneous formation under the influence of wind or, say, butterflies. Such assumption is what justifies the use of records as a valid method of knowing the past. It assumes a causal relationship that necessitates events of the past to be the cause of their result records (i.e.~the effect). Notice how we do not hold the same assumption for the future: nothing in the present can be called a record of the future because, as the metaphor given by Smart illustrates, any present state can be associated with infinitely many future states. It is indeed possible (in fact, very likely) to have footprints now and they spontaneously deteriorate into virgin sand in the future. In mathematics, the simplification of a problem is often achieved using a stronger premise by introducing additional assumptions, making the problem enjoy more well-behaved properties. Now by the same token, an assumption we hold uniquely for the past but not the future, makes the premise stronger in inferring the past. In particular, this additional assumption translates to additional known conditions. As Albert points out, inference of the past using record-bearing devices in fact uses two known conditions:
\begin{quote}
The sort of inference one makes from a recording is not from one time to a second in its future or past (as in prediction/retrodiction), but rather from two times to a third which lies in between them. \autocite[117]{time_and_chance}
\end{quote}
In prediction/retrodiction, one takes for granted the present condition of the world, whereas in reading record-bearing devices, an additional condition is given: the past moment in which the recording-bearing device interacted with its environment and became the bearer of records.
Upon contemplation, we should find the assumption peculiar. Firstly, it is universal and necessary (hence described as a priori). The assumption is naturally used in inferences of the past, regardless of the specific content of inquiry. In other words, we can have records to anything in the past, and they are not limited a certain set of objects. Therefore, for any inquiry about the past, we do not have to ask about the actual statement of the inquiry. As long as the inquiry concerns events in the past, we are justified to use the assumption and trust record-bearing devices to give us the answer. We may even claim that it is precisely due to our trust in record-bearing devices, that we have the very perception of time. For example, if we are asked the question ``which side is the left side'', we then actively feel our body and say ``it is the side where my hand plays the accompaniment of many pieces''. Analogously, if we are asked the question ``which side is the past'', we then look at whatever object is in front of us, and try to see if it can be the record-bearing device of any event. Then our answer would be that ``the past is the temporal side of the event to which the object in front of me is its record-bearing device''.
Secondly, we seem to have an exceptionally strong degree of belief in the assumption yet are neither aware of its justifications nor its origins. One may consequently ask due to curiosity: where does this assumption that records faithfully give knowledge of the past originate from? How can a mere assumption attract such a high degree of belief? On the one hand, this assumption that record-bearing devices are credible methods of knowing the past, lies entirely in our empirical world: it is a statement about the empirical universe. However, on the other hand, the assumption is exceptionally strong in the sense that it is also the justification for causality, which is fundamental to all sciences including non-empirical science such as logic.
Philosophers and scientists conventionally call this assumption the past-hypothesis. It can be stated in various forms under different contexts. In addition to the form stated above (that records faithfully give knowledge of the past), one often invokes a statement using thermodynamical terms: the initial macroscopic condition of the universe is low in entropy. \autocite[96]{time_and_chance} Albert further points out the link between the two ways of stating the past-hypothesis as two sides of the same coin:
\begin{quote}
{[}It{]} turns out that precisely the thing that makes it the case that the second law of thermodynamics is (statistically) true throughout the entire history of the world is also the thing that makes it the case that we can have epistemic access to the past which is not of a predictive/retrodictive sort; the reason there can be records of the past and not of the future is nothing other than that it seems to us that our experience is confirmatory of a past-hypothesis but not of any future one. \autocite[118]{time_and_chance}
\end{quote}
As the name suggests, it is a hypothesis we assume uniquely about the past, but not about the future. It is solely due to the past-hypothesis that we are justified to use records as a primary way of knowing the past, differentiating the past from the future. Additionally, the past-hypothesis gives rise to the temporal ordering of the world's narrative (i.e.~history), which scientists often encode using the second law of thermodynamics. This very temporal ordering, bearing close relationship to thermodynamics, is referred to as the arrow of time in its most etymological and original form.
\section{Arrow of time and its forms}
\label{section:arrow of time}
In this section, we consider the term ``arrow of time'' originally spelled out in science and examine a few candidates for its explanation. The temporal asymmetry represented by the difference between the past and the future is, as discussed previously, closely related to the unique and powerful role of record and trace.
\subsection{Thermodynamic arrow of time}
\label{section:thermodynamic arrow of time}
Now, we shift our attention and focus on the other aspect of temporal asymmetry: the temporal asymmetry of the world's narrative that is often described in terms of the second law of thermodynamics and the concept of entropy. The thermodynamic arrow of time is often considered the canonic form of temporal asymmetry in science. The term ``canonic'' in this context specifically means the following: 1) etymologically, thermodynamic is one of the first scientific studies of temporal asymmetry. Therefore, for historical reasons, the arrow of time refers to the thermodynamic arrow. Consequently, we are justified to classify various arrows of time into the thermodynamic arrow and other arrows. 2) the thermodynamic arrow of time along with its core concept (i.e.~entropy) can be interpreted as \emph{the} arrow through which all other arrows of time can be explained. As Carroll points out:
\begin{quote}
\label{quote:carroll_arrows}
{[}There{]} are many different ``arrows of time,'' {[}\ldots{]} We've been dealing with the thermodynamic arrow of time, the one defined by entropy and the Second Law. There is also the cosmological arrow of time (the universe is expanding), the psychological arrow of time (we remember the past and not the future), the radiation arrow of time (electromagnetic waves flow away from moving charges, not toward them), and so on. These different arrows fall into different categories. Some, like the cosmological arrow, reflect facts about the evolution of the universe but are nevertheless completely reversible. It might end up being true that the ultimate explanation for the thermodynamic arrow also explains the cosmological arrow (in fact it seems quite plausible), but the expansion of the universe doesn't present any puzzle with respect to the microscopic laws of physics in the same way the increase of entropy does. Meanwhile, the arrows that reflect true irreversibilities---the psychological arrow, radiation arrow, and even the arrow defined by quantum mechanics we will investigate later---all seem to be reflections of the same underlying state of affairs, characterized by the evolution of entropy. \autocite{from_eternity_to_here}
\end{quote}
Recall from the footprints-in-sand metaphor above, the crux of the argument lies in the observation that the present state of having footprints in sand corresponds to uniquely one possibility in the past, while it corresponds to many possibilities in the future. It is for such reason that the future appears unknown and to-be-determined to us: given the present state, anything (among many possibilities) in the future can happen. The observation suggests that, given the world now as a collection of record-bearing devices, the past is somehow more orderly because it corresponds to few possibilities, whereas the future is more chaotic because it corresponds to many possibilities. This characterization is considerably informal because it contains vague ideas such as ``orderly'' and ``chaotic'', and they are haphazardly associated with the number of possibilities. Nevertheless, it intuitively agrees with our everyday experience that the future appears indeterminate (i.e.~with many possibilities) and tends to get worse (i.e.~become chaotic).
Meanwhile, the ideas of orderliness and possibilities are useful tools in explaining the second law of thermodynamics, which is often accredited as the scientific root of temporal asymmetry we experience daily. In particular, the idea of orderliness corresponds to the concept of entropy; possibilities correspond to the concept of microstates. Among various forms of its statement, the second law is conventionally stated using the concept of entropy:
\begin{quote}
The entropy of an isolated system either remains constant or increases with time. \autocite[32]{from_eternity_to_here}
\end{quote}
In layman's term, entropy can be interpreted as a measure of orderliness of arrangement: the higher the entropy, the more disorderly the arrangement is. Therefore, the second law is translated to the statement that the world tends to become less orderly over time. In fact, the second law is often used to define time. Physicist Eddington is often accredited for coining the very term ``arrow of time'', giving rise to its etymological origin. In his book ``The nature of the physical world'', he introduces the metaphor of the arrow using the idea of orderliness:
\begin{quote}
Let us draw an arrow arbitrarily. If as we follow the arrow we find more and more of the random element in the state of the world, then the arrow is pointed towards the future; if the random element decreases, the arrow points towards the past. \autocite[79]{nature_of_the_physical_world}
\end{quote}
It is true that entropy and orderliness are not technically identical concepts, but it suffices to illustrate how the second law is ubiquitous in everyday experience. For example, consider a jigsaw puzzle where one's task is to recover the original picture by re-arranging scrambled pieces. In this case, we have a clear sense of what an orderly arrangement means: it means that the pieces are arranged exactly in the way that depicts the original picture. Notice how the second law comes into play in this case: during factory production, the original picture is printed on a single paperboard and the paperboard is then cut into pieces. If we are lucky, by the time the package is prepared for delivery, the pieces are still arranged in their solved state. However, during transit, the package will inevitably experience countless collisions at random, and these collisions effectively scramble the pieces into less orderly arrangements, i.e.~an unsolved state. The process in which the arrangement of pieces becomes increasingly disorderly is essentially an effect of the second law in reality. Similar processes are commonly found in everyday experience, so that people come up with pessimistic life lessons in the form of Murphy's law and its variants with the following assumption: the universe tends to evolve against our favor. Therefore, we are entitled to say that it is harder to make things right than to make them wrong.
One should be careful not to haphazardly personify nature. It is not that a state of affairs tends to evolve to a chaotic one, as if the universe is somehow evil and purposefully favors chaos. Rather, nature evolves indifferently, treating all possibilities equally. However, we, as humans, appreciate only a tiny portion of states and call them ``orderly'' in contrast to disorder. For example, in his book ``From eternity to here'', the author gives a motivating scenario:
\begin{quote}
You're out one Friday night playing pool with your friends. We're talking about real-world pool now, not ``physicist pool'' where we can ignore friction and noise. One of your pals has just made an impressive break, and the balls have scattered thoroughly across the table. As they come to a stop and you're contemplating your next shot, a stranger walks by and exclaims, ``Wow! That's incredible!''
Somewhat confused, you ask what is so incredible about it. ``Look at these balls at those exact positions on the table! What are the chances that you'd be able to put all the balls in precisely those spots? You'd never be able to repeat that in a million years!''
The mysterious stranger is a bit crazy---probably driven slightly mad by reading too many philosophical tracts on the foundations of statistical mechanics. But she does have a point. With several balls on the table, any particular configuration of them is extremely unlikely. Think of it this way: If you hit the cue ball into a bunch of randomly placed balls, which rattled around before coming to rest in a perfect arrangement as if they had just been racked, you'd be astonished. But that particular arrangement (all balls perfectly arrayed in the starting position) is no more or less unusual than any other precise arrangement of the balls. What right do we have to single out certain configurations of the billiard balls as ``astonishing'' or ``unlikely,'' while others seem ``unremarkable'' or ``random''? \autocite[157]{from_eternity_to_here}
\end{quote}
In the jigsaw puzzle example, out of all possible arrangements, only one arrangement counts as the orderly one, namely, the one that recovers the original picture.
Here is where the association between number of possibilities and orderliness enters. In everyday experience, one might wonder: what does it mean to say ``harder to make things right''? How should one go about quantifying the notion of difficulty? Number of possibilities gives a potential solution: we experience the effect of the second law by counting. The finding from the jigsaw puzzle can be equally applied to other processes in life: we call only a small number of possibilities ``orderly'', while all other possibilities are considered disorderly. In the essay ``Harmony explained'', the author shares an ``engineering adage''\autocite{harmony_explained} bearing salient resemblance to the finding from the jigsaw puzzle above:
\begin{quote}
There is one way for things to go right, but many ways for things to go wrong. \autocite{harmony_explained}
\end{quote}
He accompanies the adage with a convention in the field of computer science:
\begin{quote}
For example, in the Unix operating system each program upon exit returns to the system a number. In theory it could be used to mean anything, but all of the tools of Unix are set up to enforce the convention that the returned number be interpreted as an error code, as follows: zero is the code meaning ``ok'' and any other number means some kind of error occurred (where the map from the number code to the exact meaning of the error depends on the program returning the number). This convention works because of the above observation: the one uniquely distinct number, namely zero, is the code meaning that things went the one way for things to go right, and the rest of the numbers encode the many ways that things can go wrong. \autocite{harmony_explained}
\end{quote}
It would be a mistake to consider the adage as a convention unique to the field of engineering. It is essentially a statement of life in disguise. In fact, similar observations are widespread throughout history and across fields of study. For example, in his ``Nicomachean ethics'', Aristotle observes that:
\begin{quote}
{[}It{]} is possible to fail in many ways (for evil belongs to the class of the unlimited, as the Pythagoreans conjectured, and good to that of the limited), while to succeed is possible only in one way (for which reason also one is easy and the other difficult - to miss the mark easy, to hit it difficult) \ldots{} For men are good in but one way, but bad in many. \autocite[38]{nicomachean}
\end{quote}
Similarly, Tolstoy begins his novel ``Anna Karenina'' with the following line:
\begin{quote}
Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. \autocite{anna_karenina}
\end{quote}
Now, the same argument (that the past is more orderly, corresponding to few possibilities; the future is more chaotic, corresponding to many possibilities) can be applied to physics with some modifications in wording. Firstly, the term ``possibilities'' is replaced by the concept of microstates. Without loss of generality, we can consider the example of the jigsaw puzzle again. A microstate in this example is simply a possible arrangement of pieces: the position of pieces in relation to one another. In general, a microstate is a detailed description that completely specifies the state of the physical system. The description must be as detailed as possible, insofar as the question at hand is concerned. For example, for the jigsaw puzzle, specifying the positional arrangement of each piece gives the most detailed description with respect to this puzzle: on the one hand, knowing physically more detailed description (e.g.~the position and velocity of individual molecules) than the positional arrangement of pieces does not further specify the state of the puzzle; on the other hand, knowing less detailed description (e.g.~the total weight of all the pieces) results in incomplete specification of the state, insofar as solving the puzzle is concerned. Given the concept of microstates, we consider the collection of all microstates. With the jigsaw puzzle example, we consider all possible positional arrangements of pieces. We observe two facts: 1) solving the puzzle amounts to a series of transitions between microstates. If we imagine each microstate as a point, then solving the puzzle is essentially about finding a path that connects multiple microstates such that it starts with the initial state of the puzzle and ends with the solved state. 2) many microstates are considered equivalent (or indistinguishable) to one another. For example, there are many possible positional arrangements (i.e.~microstates) corresponding to the description ``50\% completed'': a half-solved puzzle with the left half solved, right half solved, etc. Now, descriptions such as ``50\% completed'' are called macrostates: each macrostate corresponds to a collection of microstates. Again, if we visualize each microstate as a point, then macrostates specify regions containing collections of points. One crucial role of macrostate is that it contains microstates which are somehow considered equivalent and indistinguishable (mathematically, macrostates are equivalent classes that partition the set of microstates). At this point, we should note how macrostates can greatly simplify our jigsaw puzzle: all possible positional arrangements can be classified into macrostates corresponding to ``0\% completed'', ``1\% completed'', \ldots, ``100\% completed''.
The next crucial step involves considering the sizes of macrostates (i.e.~number of microstates belonging to individual macrostates), again by counting. In fact, this step is where the insight of physicist Boltzmann lies. Firstly, he refers to the concept of entropy:
\begin{quote}
Entropy is a measure of the number of particular microscopic arrangements of atoms that appear indistinguishable from a macroscopic perspective. \autocite[37]{from_eternity_to_here}
\end{quote}
According to his statement, entropy as a quantity is proportional to (the logarithm of) the size of macrostate: higher entropy means larger macrostate, and vice versa. Boltzmann's claim is then reduced to the statement that ``there are more ways to be high-entropy than to be low-entropy, just by counting microstates''. \autocite[166]{from_eternity_to_here} Going back to the jigsaw puzzle example, we notice how sizes of different macrostates differ: the macrostate corresponding to 100\% completed contains exactly one microstate, namely, the arrangement of pieces such that all of them are in the correct position. On the other hand, the macrostate corresponding to 0\% completed contains vastly many possible arrangements: an empty board, a 1\% filled board with all pieces in the wrong position, a fully filled board unfortunately with all pieces in the wrong position, and so on. By counting the size of macrostates, we know that the macrostate corresponding to 100\% completed has the least amount of entropy because it contains the least number of microstates. The counting argument then explains our intuition that it is harder to make things right (i.e.~100\% completed jigsaw puzzle) than making them wrong. Even if we pick microstates at random with equal probability, landing in a small macrostate is unlikely. It is through the different sizes of macrostates that nature appears to prefer increase in entropy over time.
We now consider two examples in music which illustrate the intuitive idea of orderly arrangement in relation to entropy discussed above.
\subsubsection{Entropy as seen from a performer's perspective}
Consider a thought experiment with the following setting: we are pianists who are currently practicing. Suppose additionally that we are technical perfectionists. As such, we play through a piece and record places where we miss a note. Piano is suitable for the purpose of illustration because we know for sure that a note is either played accurately, or missed (whereas string instruments have a more subtle notion of intonation, so that one's playing can somehow be in tune and out of tune at the same time). For now we only focus on missing notes because it can be easily quantified. One can surely invoke the argument that playing all notes right does not make you a true musician, and vice versa, but that is not the issue here because we can say that fixing missing notes (i.e.~the focus of this thought experiment) comprises only a tiny portion of our musical training. Insofar as the task of fixing missing notes is concerned, we can realize that, there is only one way to have a good performance: a performance where we miss zero notes. However, there are many ways to miss a note (or more): missing a note on the first beat of the 295th bar is in the same macrostate of ``performances with missed notes'' as missing a note on the last beat of the 162nd bar.
Moreover, we can have a more continuous description: the worse the situation gets, the more ways to achieve the situation. Playing two notes wrong is considered worse than playing one note wrong. Meanwhile, there are more ways to play two notes wrong than playing one note wrong. Using the terminology of macrostate, we say that the macrostate of playing two notes wrong is larger (equivalently, having higher entropy) than that of playing one note wrong. Again, one can invoke the classic argument saying that, ``maybe the music with more wrong notes sounds more appealing because it's more approachable and intimate since, in the same way tragedy is appealing, it reveals human vulnerability and the inevitable devastating force of fate!''. It's certainly an artistically valid argument, the same way one may argue that professional training is not necessary anymore because being amateur reveals a considerable amount of human vulnerability. Now, one may argue that, ``wait a second, how about the worst case scenario where you literally miss every single note in the performance? Is not there only one way to achieve this also?''. The answer is no. We can accomplish the tragedy of missing every note by playing the adjacent key to the correct one on the first beat, missing the note entirely by producing awkward silence on the second beat, etc. We can see the underlying principle: various places in a piece can go wrong, and for each place, we also have various ways to go wrong.
The second law of thermodynamics then translates to a common mindset performers have: while on-stage performance is exciting and enjoyable, it is inevitably fear-inducing. Individuals may differ in terms of what is feared. Some performers are fearful of memory slips, while others may be fearful of sound control. However, all types of fear share a common assumption, that the stage is to be feared as if a little demon is living there. The little demon constantly tries to interfere with our performance whenever it has a chance, in moments performers are underprepared or distracted. Additionally, the little demon finds its way to daily practice sessions. Consequently, without deliberate and diligent practice, performance tends to increase its entropy (characterized by increasing number of wrong notes for example discussed previously) over time. It is precisely due to the effect of the second law (or its personified form, the little demon) that performers over generations tirelessly emphasize the necessity of practicing.
\subsubsection{Entropy as seen in the dissonance/consonance dichotomy}
Dissonant and consonant harmonies are one of the most fundamental constructs in music. By applying the concept of entropy, we can observe the following: there are more ways to obtain dissonant harmonies (i.e.~high-entropy) than consonant harmonies (i.e.~low-entropy). In other words, the macrostate corresponding to dissonance is larger in size than the macrostate corresponding to consonance.
We build harmonies in a bottom-up fashion, starting with the simplest case consisting of two notes, namely, intervals. By convention, out of the 12 intervals, we have 7 consonant intervals (unison, minor third, major third, perfect fourth, perfect fifth, minor sixth, major sixth) and 5 dissonant intervals (minor second, major second, tritone, minor seventh, major seventh). So far, consonance outnumbers dissonance, which seems to contradict our claim that there are more ways to obtain dissonance.
From intervals, we are then able to build three-note structure, namely, trichords. Trichords are simply stacking of two intervals. However, we notice one crucial rule: trichords consisting of two consonant intervals are not necessarily consonant because the interval between outer voices might be dissonant. One simple example is the trichord made of two perfect fourths, where the interval between outer voices is a minor seventh. Meanwhile, any appearance of dissonant interval will make the entire trichord dissonant. Therefore, dissonant trichords can be divided into three classes: stacking of two dissonant intervals, stacking of one dissonant interval and one consonant interval, and stacking of two consonant intervals which happens to form dissonant interval between outer voices.
The question now is a combinatorial one: how many dissonant and consonant trichords are there, respectively? Because a trichord is uniquely determined by two intervals, we have \(12^2 = 144\) trichords in total. Out of the 144 trichords, we count the number of dissonant trichords (note that a trichord is either dissonant or consonant). As discussed above, dissonant trichords are divided into three classes. The class of dissonant trichords characterized by stacking of two dissonant intervals contains \(5^2 = 25\) members. The class of dissonant trichords characterized by stacking of one dissonant interval and one consonant interval contains \(5 \times 7 \times 2 = 70\) members. The third class of dissonant trichords is more complicated to calculate because we need to find out those trichords that are at the same time 1) stacking of two consonant intervals and 2) forming dissonant interval between the outer voices. With the aid of brute-force enumeration using a computer program, we learn that 16 out of 49 trichords as stacking of two consonant intervals are dissonant. After collecting the results, we observe that out of 144 trichords, we have 111 dissonant ones and 33 consonant ones. As we consider more number of voices, the dominance of dissonant sonority is increasingly evident: dissonant sonority (i.e.~the size of the macrostate corresponding to dissonance) outnumbers consonant sonority with increasingly higher percentage as number of voices increases.
Without going into further technical details, we should notice the crux of the matter: the reason that our example starts with consonance outnumbering dissonance, but as number of voices increase, dissonance eventually becomes dominant, is nothing other than the fact that we have stricter criteria to call something a consonant. In the example of trichord, a consonance requires that \emph{all} of the intervals are consonant, while a dissonant only requires that \emph{any} of them are dissonant.
\subsection{Other arrows of time}
The preceding section discusses the thermodynamic arrow of time as the canonic form. However, as the quote by Carroll points out on page \pageref{quote:carroll_arrows}, arrow of time has various forms such as cosmological arrow, psychological arrow, and causal arrow. For another example, in his book ``A brief history of time'', Hawking enumerates three arrows of time (see figure \ref{fig:hawking_arrows}):
\begin{quote}
There are at least three different arrows of time. First, there is the thermodynamic arrow of time, the direction of time in which disorder or entropy increases. Then, there is the psychological arrow of time. This is the direction in which we feel time passes, the direction in which we remember the past but not the future. Finally, there is the cosmological arrow of time. This is the direction of time in which the universe is expanding rather than contracting. \autocite[184]{brief_history_of_time}
\end{quote}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=1.5]{res/7.jpg}
\caption{Three arrows of time as discussed by Hawking}
\label{fig:hawking_arrows}
\end{figure}
It is true that all other arrows might be explained through the thermodynamic arrow using the concept of entropy, making them different sides of the same coin. Nevertheless, we should appreciate the value of other arrows of time as they offer unique perspectives and insights into the problem of time. In other words, all arrows of time are, to some extent, equally valuable. In fact, depending on the specific question being asked, some arrows may appear more canonic than others. For example, in discussing music, one often finds the psychological arrow more useful to describe the experience of listening to music, whereas thermodynamic arrow or cosmological arrow are less relevant in such context. It is true that the evolution of entropy as a physical quantity (i.e.~thermodynamic arrow) or the expansion of the universe (i.e.~cosmological arrow) might play a crucial role in the perception of music, but the link is not as natural as the link between the psychological arrow of time and our immediate appreciation of music.
In fact, according to Hawking, one of his claims is exactly that the psychological arrow of time is nothing but the effect of the thermodynamic arrow of time ``within our brain''.\autocite[189]{brief_history_of_time} Therefore, the thermodynamic arrow is proposed to be the explanation of the psychological arrow of time, as the latter is a special case of the former. If the psychological arrow can be reduced to its general form, i.e.~the thermodynamic arrow, what then is the point of recognizing the psychological arrow at all?
The answer is that the psychological arrow of time provides unique insights that are not obvious in discussion of thermodynamics. For example, section \ref{sec:record} is a discussion focusing on the psychological arrow of time: how the arrow is made by the difference in epistemic methods of acquiring knowledge about other times. In particular, the section focuses on the exceptionally powerful role of memory and record-bearing devices. It is true that the same result can be deduced if the discussion starts with the thermodynamic arrow of time instead, where record-bearing devices are made possible as we consider the role of entropy. However, insights about the epistemic aspect of time's arrow are lost in the midst of entropy-centric arguments.
By considering the psychological arrow of time, we can further make two observations that are not obvious from a thermodynamic point of view. The first is the idea of causality that cause always precedes effect in time. Furthermore, the psychological arrow of time involves a special type of causality: causality achieved through free will. In essence, we believe that there is something more to the temporal ordering of cause and effect in causal relations. In addition to the definitive temporal ordering, we believe that cause somehow has the active and organic force to actuate effect. In particular, we have the power, through will and action, to deliberately make things happen. According to Albert, this is the second fundamental epistemic conviction (the first being record and trace discussed in section \ref{sec:record}) ``we have about the difference between the past and the future, which is that the future depends on what happens now---that the future depends on what we do now---in a way that the past does not''. \autocite[125]{time_and_chance} In other words, the psychological arrow of time combines physical causality and free will.
One may argue that both causality and free will are mere illusions, thus participating in another round of heated philosophical debate on these controversial topics. However, we should notice that, regardless of the deep nature (if it means anything at all) of causality and free will, they give rise to the psychological arrow of time. More importantly, in the context of discussing the psychological arrow, the idea that we can cause things to happen through free will (i.e.~intervene the future) shapes our attitude about the past and the future. In particular, we have the attitude that we can somehow cause things to change in the future according to free will, whereas the past is outside of our causal influence. As such, the future is mutable and uncertain, hence our attitude is either excited or fearful. Meanwhile, the past is immutable and certain, hence our attitude is either satisfied or regretful. As a result, we ``dread future but not past headaches and prison sentences''.\autocite{sep-time-thermo} The difference between the past and the future is then translated to the difference in sentimental attitudes. For example, it is simply absurd to say that ``I look forward to having done that yesterday'', or ``I'm regretful about the decision I will make tomorrow''. Our psychological arrow of time, then, functions as a set of criteria to specify what the allowed emotional attitudes are. On the one hand, some emotional attitudes are time-neutral, such as anger. On the other hand, some emotional attitudes are time-sensitive, such as anticipation and regret.
In summary, the psychological arrow of time consists of two important components: the past and the future give rise to 1) vastly different epistemic methods of acquiring knowledge and 2) vastly different attitudes. Note that the two components are complementary in that they correspond, respectively, to the rational aspect and sentimental aspect of the human ego.
\chapter{Asserting the arrow of time: a comparative study}
One of the main objectives in chapter \ref{chap:time_arrow_science} is to assert the significance of temporal asymmetry by showing how it is acknowledged in the field of science and philosophy as one of the indispensable foundations of the world. In particular, we show that temporal asymmetry is not a mere social construct that is imaginary and ad-hoc, whose illusory appearance may motivate potential nihilists to dismiss it as irrelevant to the discourse. Instead, temporal asymmetry is as real and significant as to give rise to the very existence of our observed universe. To dismiss its importance is to deny virtually all imaginable aspects of our cognitive experience (in particular, artistic and musical experience).
\section{Social science}
In order to see how we must make the conscious effort to assert the significance of temporal asymmetry, we consider a case in the social science as a counterexample. It demonstrates how a concept, once it is interpreted as a social construct, becomes subject to potential deconstruction and challenge of its significance. We begin by considering the concept of nation. Among various interpretations, one particular interpretation defines nations as ``imagined communities'',\autocite{anderson2006imagined} a term originally proposed by Anderson in his book bearing the same name. According to Anderson, a nation is ``an imagined political community - and imagined as both inherently limited and sovereign''.\autocite[6]{anderson2006imagined} We should note that the author is by no means to deny the political importance of nation by calling it imagined. In fact, he introduces the idea of nations as imagined communities with the intention of acknowledging its virtue, by refuting the condescending attitudes his contemporaries hold against nationalism. In particular, his definition of nation is an attempt to fill the scholarly ``vacuum'' as he observes that
\begin{quote}
nationalism has never produced its own grand thinkers: no Hobbeses, Tocquevilles, Marxes, or Webers. This `emptiness' easily gives rise, among cosmopolitan and polylingual intellectuals, to a certain condescension. {[}\ldots{]} It is characteristic that even so sympathetic a student of nationalism as Tom Nairn can nonetheless write that: ``Nationalism'' is the pathology of modern developmental history, as inescapable as ``neurosis'' in the individual {[}\ldots{]}\autocite[5]{anderson2006imagined}
\end{quote}
However, rather ironically, the term itself provides basis for its own deconstruction. The subtlety of the term ``imagined communities'' lies in that the adjective ``imagined'' suggests that it is a social construct, which can be arbitrarily fabricated. Anderson recognizes the potentially negative connotation associated with the term and tries to make a distinction between ``fabrication'' and ``imagination'':
\begin{quote}
Gellner makes a comparable point when he rules that `Nationalism is not the awakening of nations to self-consciousness: it invents nations where they do not exist.' The drawback to this formulation, however, is that Gellner is so anxious to show that nationalism masquerades under false pretences that he assimilates `invention' to `fabrication' and `falsity', rather than to `imagining' and `creation'.\autocite[6]{anderson2006imagined}
\end{quote}
Anderson tries to clarify that in his definition of imagined communities, the adjective ``imagined'' is to be interpreted in a constructive way, such that the legitimacy of a community is strengthened, rather than challenged, when it is an imagined one. But to no avail, his explanation does not alter the implications of the adjective ``imagined''. The reason for his ineffective explanation is evident if we recognize two layers of meaning pertaining to ``imagined''. The first layer is the one defined by the author, that nation as a community is the product of the imagination of its members, since ``the members of even the smallest nation will never know most of their fellow-members, meet them, or even hear of them, yet in the minds of each lives the image of their communion''. \autocite[6]{anderson2006imagined} The second layer, on the other hand, is the idea that nation as a community is the product of the imagination of us, as readers and spectators, who try to understand and discuss the concept, as a social construct. It is the second layer of meaning that makes the term subject to deconstruction and challenge. If an object is imagined, then it can be imagined in a multitude of equally justified ways, including the special case: its absence. In other words, once we accept the multitude of imaginations, we are equally justified to challenge the very act of imagining. In particular, as all social constructs can be deconstructed, the act of imagining can be challenged through deconstruction. Arguably, this underlying implication is what justifies activism on, for example, the topic of LGBT: one begins by realizing that various types of identities are socially constructed, so that the process of identification is an act of imagining. As such, we may challenge the norm by deconstructing identities such as gender, socio-economic status, and so on. Consequently, for the topic of nationalism, the concept of nation as imagined community would often fall victim to an ``identity crisis'', where one challenges, deconstructs, and casts doubt on the significance and legitimacy of a community that is \emph{imagined} rather than \emph{given}. On the one hand, one may acknowledge the instrumental importance of nation, as it may be necessary for utilitarian reasons. Namely, a nation organizes people socially to achieve (ideally) the greatest happiness for majority of its members. On the other hand, because a nation is imagined, it is no longer indispensable in the fundamentalist sense, that nations are themselves irreducible individuals which, analogous to biological organisms, attain their own consciousness and purpose. The term ``irreducible individuals'' here specifically refers to the observation that individuality as a social concept cannot be deconstructed (hence the name ``irreducible'') as a social construct. In particular, few in the social science is entitled to challenge the value and significance of individual human right. For example, we would not interpret the pursuit of happiness as a social construct whose value is to be challenged and imagined in a multitude of ways. Therefore, from a fundamentalist perspective, once nations are interpreted as irreducible individuals, they become the \emph{teleo} in themselves, to whose well-being the happiness of the majority is a by-product. Consequently, citizens become a derived concept, to the extent that, instead of interpreting nations as imagined communities, one now interprets citizens, reciprocating Anderson's terminology, as ``imagined individuals''.
The case in social science illustrated above serves as a counterexample. In comparison, the arrow of time is significant precisely in the sense that it cannot be interpreted as a social construct, hence deconstructed. It is true that music, when interpreted as an inherently social activity, is a social construct whose deconstruction is under active research in the field of ethnomusicology. However, the arrow of time, as an \emph{aspect} (whose meaning is to be taken from section \ref{section:aop}) of music (as well as other parts of the world, since it is a cross-cutting concern), is not subject to potential deconstruction and challenge of its significance. One of the primary findings in chapter \ref{chap:time_arrow_science} is that the arrow of time is not a concept that can be imagined arbitrarily in a multitude of ways: in philosophy and science, as chapter \ref{chap:time_arrow_science} illustrates, we have a rather clear (albeit incomplete) picture of what the arrow of time specifically refers to.
\section{Visual art}
Supposing that we would like to challenge the significance of the arrow of time in music, how would one go about deconstructing and casting doubt on its significance? One potential strategy is to invoke an argument similar to that with the imagined communities, by recognizing its instrumental importance yet deny that it is somehow a fundamentally indispensable part of music. Specifically, one can invoke the following argument: the role of time in music, along with all its properties such as temporal asymmetry, is essentially the same as in the visual arts. We look at works of visual art, and realize the also instrumentally uses the medium of time. In particular, as our gaze visits different parts of a painting in temporal sequence, we actively participate in the act of creating a narrative. Because of this implied narrative, the arrow of time, such as our epistemic asymmetry between the past and the future, remains critical in forming the narrative. Painters often use visual elements to serve as cues that direct our attention, thus shaping the viewer's temporal experience. For example, in a beautiful rendition of the rural scenery, is it not due to the horizon afar along with its vanishing point that our attention is directed and translated to a yearning for a temporal journey inside the depicted landscape? Metaphorically, we may think of the interplay between the spatial features (such as scenery, altitude, difficulty of the trail) of a hiking trail and the temporal journey of the hiker shaped by those spatial features: spatial features, analogous to visual elements in a work of visual art, have the ability to form (or more precisely, suggest) temporal narrative. Through careful design and placement of visual elements, one can thus create narrative and temporality in visual art (which is ironic in the context of our current discussion because, in music, we try to deny temporality). In his essay ``The American action painters'', Rosenberg highlights the temporal aspect of visual arts:
\begin{quote}
At a certain moment the canvas began to appear {[}\ldots{]} as an arena in which to act - rather than as a space in which to reproduce, re-design, analyze or ``express'' an object, actual or imagined. What was to go on the canvas was not a picture but an event. \autocite{rosenberg1991american}
\end{quote}
Even though Rosenberg writes the paragraph with a very specific artistic movement and time period in mind, we can nevertheless apply this view to a broad spectrum of art history.
Specifically, in analyzing a work of visual art, one interprets it as part of a larger context, i.e.~as a moment in a narrative (which is necessarily temporal by definition). To give a motivational real-life example, consider the act of taking pictures in everyday life. The purpose is to capture and remember cherishable moments in life. However, the picture by itself is meaningless, unless one takes into consideration the surrounding life stories. A compelling work of visual art should then have the power to inform the viewer, from the work alone, about the implied narrative. Note that the very process of informing about the implied narrative constitutes the act of constructing temporality. Of course, there is always the question that is not limited to visual arts: to whose narrative do we refer? It could be the viewer's (meta)narrative as he/she walks inside the gallery space, relating his/her gallery experience with his/her life experience. This is exactly the narrative highlighted by Mussorgsky's ``Pictures at an Exhibition'' as he interweaves promenade movements with the rest of the work. The narrative could also be the autobiographical narrative of the author, as Rosenberg points out that a painting ``that is an act is inseparable from the biography of the artist''.\autocite{rosenberg1991american} Finally, treating an artwork as an autonomous object in itself (in a similar manner Hanslick advocates for absolute music) disregarding the previous two types of narratives, we obtain the actual story represented by the artwork. This is the type of narrative to which we commonly refer in visual arts. Because visual art, unlike music, is mostly representational, the majority of this type of narrative is analogous to what musicians call a program (as in program music). However, regardless of how we answer the ``whose narrative'' question, the outline of argument remains the same: given a work of visual art, we notice two premises.
The first premise states that the temporal order in which viewers inspect the work is arbitrary in the sense that artists are unable to force any temporal ordering. The viewer is free to inspect details in any sequence at will: one may start from the top-right corner and proceed to the center, and the opposite is equally justified. In contrast, temporal ordering is ingrained in musical works, as it is physically impossible to experience the ending before the performance undergoes, in sequential order, all moments before the ending. In other words, the first premise is reduced to the statement that temporal ordering in visual arts can only be achieved suggestively, i.e.~it can only be \emph{suggested} rather than \emph{imposed}.
The second premise subsequently concerns the methods through which temporal ordering can be suggested. It reads that visual artists have nothing but spatial arrangements of strokes and colors on canvas at their disposal. Therefore, if artists are to suggest temporal ordering (i.e.~a narrative), they can achieve the goal solely with the help of strokes and colors. With the two premises above, the claim is that, even though the trajectory of the viewer's gaze, i.e.~temporal ordering of looking into details, is arbitrary, it can nevertheless be guided through spatial arrangements of strokes and colors.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-02-02-37-55.jpg}
\caption{David, Oath of the Horatii (1784)}
\label{fig:david_oath}
\end{figure}
Consider the painting ``Oath of the Horatii'' by David (see figure \ref{fig:david_oath}). It is programmatic in the sense that it intends to depict a moment of a story. As the title suggests, it involves a theatrical setting: we have an action related to taking oath, as well as the characters relevant to this action, namely, the Horatii warriors taking the oath. Upon encountering such painting, our first reaction is likely a temporal one: what happens before and after this moment? Our curiosity for stories naturally motivates us to complete the story based on this picture as a hint. Furthermore, our curiosity is strengthened by the unrestfulness conveyed. Firstly, the unrestfulness is physical: the four men in the picture are in an unstable posture, suggesting that they are in the midst of active and ongoing movements. Therefore, there are events before (e.g.~raising the swords) and after (e.g.~announcing the oath) this instantaneous moment. Secondly, the unrestfulness is psychologically portrayed by unsolved puzzles: the depiction of the three women is unsettling because they introduce more curiosity. Besides the obvious questions such as ``who are they'', one may ask: is their sorrowful presence an indicator of the upcoming danger and difficulty implied in the oath? If so, what is to be expected in the story after this depicted oath-taking moment? The viewer is more eager to know the contextual story in order to explain the presence of the three women. Now, the author carefully designs and places visual elements in order to guide our attention, suggesting a temporal order in which we inspect the details. In particular, our gaze may initially land at any place in the painting arbitrarily. However, the visual elements direct our gaze such that we eventually arrive at the ``point of convergence'' of the artwork. As a result, the temporal ordering means precisely the fact that no matter where one starts the gaze, the attention is eventually directed to the ``point of convergence''. Where is this point? Consider how eyes are portrayed in this painting. If we begin our inspection of details with any of the three brothers on the left, then their eyes direct our attention to where they stare at: the swords in the center. Alternatively, if we begin with the right-hand side of the painting, we are lost as the three women are too sorrowful to make eye contacts. However, we may interpret it as a deliberate choice made by the author: it motivates us to actively look for characters with eyes open. Unsurprisingly, we find such character at last: a child in the shadow, unaware of the world in which grown-ups struggle, stares at the man in the middle, who in turn transitively directs our attention to the swords at his hand. Therefore, by observing the visual elements of characters' eyes, we are able to find that they are visually constructed in a way that uniformly direct our attention to the swords in the center.
The discussion above indicates that temporal narrative can be a crucial component of visual arts, such that we recognize the instrumental importance of time in construing and appreciating visual artworks. However, by convention, we still refuse to classify visual arts as temporal arts. When compared to temporal arts such as music, we feel strongly that something is fundamentally missing in visual arts, and this missing ``something'' makes up the difference between painting and music, thus enabling us to subsume music (but not painting) under the category of temporal arts. The difference lies precisely in the discussion above, that temporality can only be suggested rather than imposed in visual arts, whereas in music artists are additionally equipped with the ability to impose temporal ordering. Moreover, the difference between suggesting versus imposing temporality is not a mere play of words.
To show how it is not a mere play of words, we start the argument from a rather vague intuition: when we construe a work in visual arts in terms of its content, presentation and delivery, temporality in the form of suggested narrative seems to be an attribute of us, instead of the artwork. In other words, visual arts induce narrative but are not themselves narrative-bearing objects. Note that this is essentially a restatement of the idea that temporal narrative is suggested. As visual elements suggest temporal narrative, they (by definition of the term ``suggest'') express mere opinions. Opinions may be strong in degree (i.e.~the visual elements are constructed in a strongly opinionated way such that there is essentially one way to interpret the work), yet it is up to the viewer's own discretion to evaluate (or more accurately, decipher) these opinions and construct his/her temporal narrative in response. During this process, the viewer takes control of all the decision-making, thus qualifying our intuition that temporality is ``an attribute of us'': the viewer is the sole party constructing temporality, using the mental faculty of imagination. In the example of ``Oath of the Horatii'' discussed above, the narrative in terms of our speculations of the happenings before and after the depicted moment of oath, as well as the narrative in terms of the trajectory of our gaze directed by visual elements, are both the sole product of the viewer's imagination. Poetically, they are like a piece of cloud in the sky, undergoing constant transformations in shape. At one moment, it is morphed to take a shape that saliently resembles a giant donut, i.e.~it \emph{suggests} a donut the same way visual elements suggest narrative. However, to our dismay, the donut is the sole product of our imagination, such that if we take a picture of the cloud and ask ``where is the donut found \emph{inside} this picture?'', it is nowhere to be found. It is true that interpretation of narrative in music is also heavily based on the listener's imagination (after all, music without listener's active imagination is reduced to mere sound). However, it is plainly false to claim that musical narrative is the \emph{sole} product of the listener's imagination: our anticipation of the future unheard musical events is not a product of imagination, but the lack of epistemic access to the future.
The term ``imagination'' serves a pivotal role here, as it allows us to draw parallels between imagined communities in social science and suggested narrative in visual arts. In particular, recall the criterion that if an object is imagined, then it can be imagined in a multitude of equally justified ways. Now, temporal narrative in visual arts fits this criterion: as the temporal ordering is suggested rather than imposed, it can be imagined arbitrarily in a multitude of ways, including its absence. As discussed above, the viewer is free to inspect details of a painting in any order, while disregarding what the visual elements suggest. In comparison, note how this is not applicable to music. If somehow we manage to transform music such that we are allowed to begin inspecting a musical work at arbitrary places and to inspect details in any order (other than that imposed by the performance), then what does this kind of ``music'' look like? In fact, this is not a hypothetical question, as the answer is readily found in reality. Musicians are all familiar with this kind of non-temporal music: notated music scores. As we perceive the notated score as a purely visual construct, all imposed temporality is lost: we may start our gaze from anywhere on the score, and moreover, we can construe the entire score in simultaneity (by printing all pages and laying them side by side). However, the crux of the matter lies in the fact that notated music score cannot live independently from its performance, and its performance necessarily imposes temporal ordering. Therefore, we need to further specify the question as follows: what kind of music would it be, if it is to be made completely free from any kind of imposed temporal order whatsoever? The answer, in fact, is quite straightforward: such task is certainly possible, simply because we would no longer call the end result ``music''.
The attempt to nullify the imposed temporal ordering associated with performance is found in music history, and unsurprisingly, the strategy is to make music visual-art-like. In music history, such a trend has a rather self-evident name: eye music (alternatively, Augenmusik). The Grove dictionary dedicates an article to the term ``eye music'' (which is ironic, as it dedicates articles to such specialized term, yet fails to do so for the term ``time'' (see page \pageref{quote:grove_no_time})), defining the term as follows:
\begin{quote}
Musical notation with a symbolic meaning that is apparent to the eye but not to the ear (e.g.~black notes for words such as `darkness' and `death'). Since its effects are derived from notation it is the concern of composers and performers rather than listeners. \autocite{eye_music}
\end{quote}
For example, one ``type of eye music involves writing out the music of a love-song on a staff bent into a heart shape'' (see figure \ref{fig:eye_music_1}).\autocite{eye_music}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.6\textwidth]{res/2021-11-02-00-56-46.jpg}
\caption{Cordier, ``Belle, bonne, sage" (15th century)}
\label{fig:eye_music_1}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.7\textwidth]{res/2021-11-02-00-56-16.png}
\caption{Crumb, The Magic Circle of Infinity (Moto Perpetuo), from ``Makrokosmos", volume 2 (1972)}
\label{fig:eye_music_2}
\end{figure}
One must recognize that the term eye music refers loosely to a broad range of musical works across different time periods and styles. Therefore, the term potentially introduces controversy as we try to come up with a precise definition and criteria, according to which a work may be regarded as eye music. For example, as Taruskin observes in Crumb's music (see figure \ref{fig:eye_music_2}):
\begin{quote}
Some works of his are notated on circular staves, others on spirals, still others in the shape of crosses. But the intention, as Crumb has explained it, is not only symbolic (as in the Augenmusik or ``eye music'' of old). Circular staves can represent all kinds of mystical notions, it is true, but they are also the most efficient way of notating a moto perpetuo (and were used for that purpose since the early fifteenth century). \autocite{taruskin2006music_late_20th_century}
\end{quote}
Therefore, according to the way Taruskin interprets Crumb's intention, circular staves that Crumb employs are technically not eye music, because they are the more effective ways to encode a musical message (i.e.~moto perpetuo) which is indeed audible. In other words, unconventional notations are not indicators of eye music, but the exact opposite of what we think of eye music: they are visual notations that, ironically, serve a better musical purpose. Therefore, it is possible that according to Crumb, the repeat sign we encounter in conventional staff notation is what should be called eye music: it notates circularity of time in an exceptionally unnatural way, so that the musically connected measures are haphazardly notated with discontinuity (simply imagine the frustration when performers have to turn several pages at once at the end of the exposition). However, due to notational conventions, we are nurtured in a way that we become desensitized of how the repeat sign is unnatural. Instead, we call notations with which we are unfamiliar a disdaining name: eye music.
After recognizing the complexity and ambiguity entailed by the term eye music, the scope of the discussion here is limited to ideas associated with eye music, rather than trying to participating in the debate of how eye music is specifically defined. In particular, we focus on the idea that one can nullify the imposed temporal ordering associated with performance by highlighting visual elements on score that are often irrelevant to performance (i.e.~cannot be heard). As a result, these visual elements do not translate into audible ones as part of the listening experience. As such, they are to be construed more appropriately as visual elements in the sense of visual arts: they are strokes and colors whose arrangements direct and guide our attention. Therefore, as far as the visual elements in works dubbed ``eye music'' are concerned, they transform the music and push it into the realm of visual arts. In the hypothetical extreme case, the notated score of eye music is to be appreciated independently from its performance, whose sole value is the visual representation of the score. An artwork in this case becomes a work of visual art: it is to be analyzed using methods and terminology of visual art. In particular, temporal ordering is no longer imposed, but merely suggested. In short, ideas associated with eye music showcase the consequence of trying to achieve the ``emancipation of the temporal ordering'' (borrowing the term from Schoenberg's ``emancipation of the dissonance''): as we decouple music from its performance, the temporal ordering imposed by performing is no longer ingrained in music. Consequently, temporal ordering from the listener's perspective (i.e.~the ordering of perceived musical events in time) becomes suggested rather than imposed. However, at the same time, ``music'' that is free (i.e.~emancipated) from performance and imposed temporal ordering is simply no longer music. It can be interpreted as anything (such as visual art as in the example of eye music, or other undiscovered fields) but music, since it loses the very defining feature of music we are so compelled to believe: performance and the arrow of time brought forth by performance.
\section{Theology}
\label{section:theology}
Instead of being imagined arbitrarily in a multitude of ways, the arrow of time should be acknowledged, almost religiously, as the axiomatic, unconditional, and intrinsic aspect of our experience (in particular, musical experience). In fact, one may arguably take the term ``religiously'' literally if we compare the arrow of time with the theological idea of eternal election and observe how both reveal an uncompromising attitude. Calvin, one of the leader figures in the Reformation movement, proposes the idea of eternal election, claiming that one's salvation is predetermined through the eternal election, which is completely independent of work. His argument proceeds by firstly recognizing how God is omnipotent as he knows and predetermines all of eternity in one single timeless moment:
\begin{quote}
When we attribute foreknowledge to God, we mean that all things always were, and perpetually remain, under His eyes, so that to His knowledge there is nothing future or past, but all things are present. And they are present in such a way that He not only conceives them through ideas, as we have before us those things which our minds remember, but He truly looks upon them and discerns them as things placed before Him. And this foreknowledge is extended throughout the universe to every creature. \autocite[184]{hillerbrand1968protestant}
\end{quote}
As a side note, his argument about God's time completely undermines the very thesis of this project. However, it does no harm to our inquiry because theological arguments maintain a very different set of premises to begin with. For example, arrow of time is not applicable to God as he does not view the past and the future differently due to the fact, according to Calvin, that his epistemic access is omnipotent in all of space and time.
Now, eternal election means that one's life path, in particular, the decision on whether one is saved (i.e.~elected) or damned is predetermined for all eternity:
\begin{quote}
He determined with Himself what He willed to become of each man. For all are not created in equal condition; rather, eternal life is foreordained for some, eternal damnation for others. Therefore, as any man has been created to one or the other of these ends, we speak of him as predestined to life or to death. \autocite[184]{hillerbrand1968protestant}
\end{quote}
Meanwhile, God's decision is completely free in the sense that it does not take into account any human concerns such as justice, fairness and comprehensibility:
\begin{quote}
We assert that, with respect to the elect, this plan was founded upon His freely given mercy, without regard to human worth; but by His just and irreprehensible but incomprehensible judgment He has barred the door of life to those whom He has given over to damnation. \autocite[189]{hillerbrand1968protestant}
\end{quote}
In order to make his theological interpretation clear, Calvin highlights that one's work (i.e.~what we do in life) bears absolutely no effect to the election:
\begin{quote}
Surely the grace of God deserves alone to be proclaimed in our election only if it is freely given. Now it will not be freely given if God, in choosing His own, considers what the works of each shall be. \autocite[192]{hillerbrand1968protestant}
\end{quote}
Now, eternal election would appear as completely incomprehensible from a human perspective that is inherently limited. However, this is precisely the point Calvin tries to clarify: the incomprehensibility shows our weakness, not God's. For example, one might say that eternal election is unequal as some people are predestined to be denied salvation. However, according to Calvin, the ``very inequality of His grace proves that it is free''. \autocite[187]{hillerbrand1968protestant}
From Calvin's interpretation, we can vividly feel the uncompromising attitude entailed by the term eternal election. One must unconditionally accept eternal election as the unquestionable premise, from which one then discusses, under the premise of eternal election, common topics such as the issue of theodicy. For example, given the eternal election unconditionally, how would one proceed to explain the existence of evil in the world? Now, we cannot alter the premise of eternal election but to treat it unconditionally true. Meanwhile, we cannot ignore the observation that righteous people are sometimes mistreated (which, unsympathetically, is the inspirational source of many great works of tragedy). Therefore, the only way to reconcile the uncompromising premise and the factual observation stated above, is to conclude that human perspective is too limited to understand the omnipotence of God. This is in fact, one of the main doctrines of Calvinist theology, that God's omnipotence surpasses the human understanding of justice and fairness. The incomprehensibility of his decisions precisely highlights our limit and humbleness. As such, theodicy is no longer an issue that is frustrating, but rather, it humbles us to recognize the glory of God.
Now we can observe how the eternal election and the arrow of time are similar with regard to their uncompromising attitude. The general procedure runs as follows: given a premise (i.e.~arrow of time and eternal election), we treat it axiomatically by unconditionally assuming its truth. The question then becomes the following: how can we make sense of the world, given the premise \emph{as is}? In the case of the arrow of time, we are to make sense of the happenings we observe and experience in terms of the evolution of entropy as well as the epistemic interplay between memory and expectation, whereas in the case of eternal election, we are to make sense of the issue of theodicy. In both cases, the premise itself remains insusceptible to challenges. In particular, it is unchallenged in the sense that we are willing to insist on keeping the premise at the expense of adjusting the conclusion (even when the conclusion is unfavorable, such as admitting our mortal limit in theology, as well as our ignorance of the future).
Now, a mathematical method comes in handy: in mathematics, arguments are in the form of deductions, where one assumes a set of premises. Through inference, one can then deduce conclusions based on the given premises. One special quality of mathematics as a formal science (rather than natural science) is that no proposition (i.e.~either the premise or the conclusion) is intrinsically true: premises are assumed to be true such that all mathematical statements are in the form ``\emph{if} A, then it follows that B'' (notice the term ``if''). Metaphorically, premise and conclusion form the two ends of a rope. Depending on our goal, we can fix either end of this rope: we can keep the conclusion fixed if we highly value the conclusion, and try to adjust the premise such that the valued conclusion follows more naturally. By the same token, we are justified to do the opposite. Clearly, as discussed above, the arrow of time and eternal election exhibit a strong insistence on the premise.
In comparison, the unchallenged status of the premise does not hold for social constructs such as gender. In fact, the basis for, for example, the LGBT movement is the very idea that we have the right to challenge and deconstruct the normative premises of gender and other identities, and see how the world potentially becomes a better place as a result. In short, the contrast between the arrow of time and eternal election on the one hand, and social constructs such as gender on the other hand, is reduced to difference in preference: if the premise is preferred over conclusion, then one obtains the examples of the arrow of time and eternal election; if the conclusion is preferred instead, one obtains the examples of social constructs.
\chapter{Temporal arts as narrative}
\label{chapter:temporal arts as narrative}
The arrow of time (i.e.~temporal asymmetry), in particular, the psychological arrow of time, gives rise to the expressive power of all temporal arts. Now, as the arrow of time is ubiquitous throughout all aspects of our cognitive experience, the expressive power resulting from the ubiquitous arrow should also relate to statements universal to all temporal arts. Here we propose a universal statement as an attempt to address all forms of temporal art. In order to propose a universal statement, one natural strategy is to take a bottom-up approach. Being musicians, the most natural point of departure is the first-hand experience and observations in the field of music. By observing the expressive power commonly attributed to music as an instance of temporal art, our goal is to generalize our observation and propose a statement that is applicable to music as well as other temporal arts. In particular, we take a frequentist approach: by observing and collecting recurring themes that are frequently brought up in musical discourses (in particular, instrumental lessons), the task is to see if these recurring themes can potentially shed light on temporal arts in general, thus providing insights into attributes universal to all temporal arts.
In music lessons, disregarding idioms specific to instruments (such as fingering for keyboard instruments and bowing for strings), musicians often describe performance as an analogue to story-telling. Consequently, to be a good performer is equivalent to being a good story-teller. The metaphor continues: a good story-teller is a spiritual guide, who invites the audience to the spiritual world of music, in which the audience is guided and actively participating in an adventurous spiritual journey. In such a journey, every listener becomes Odysseus, who
\begin{quote}
\centering
wandered and was lost
when he had wrecked the holy town of Troy,
and where he went, and who he met, the pain
he suffered in the storms at sea, and how
we worked to save his life and bring his men
back home \autocite{odyssey}
\end{quote}
A successful performance is then a breathtaking journey such that when listeners are back in reality, they invariably cry out ``what an experience!''. We should note that interpreting music performance metaphorically as an act of story-telling and spiritual journey is a universal statement in the sense that it does not take into account what the musical content is. Rather, the focus is solely on the very act of performance. Therefore, the division between program music and absolute music is irrelevant to the story and spiritual journey discussed here. Music performance is considered an act of story-telling regardless of whether the piece being performed has a program. Performers are story-tellers even when the performed piece is classified as absolute music without apparent program. In other words, the concept of ``story'' here makes no reference to the program of the music. From here we can see the subtlety: the musical narrative, i.e.~object of story-telling, is self-contained and autonomous precisely in the sense Hanslick coins absolute music:
\begin{quote}
It is a specifically musical kind of beauty. By this we understand a beauty that is self-contained and in no need of content from outside itself, that consists simply and solely of tones and their artistic combination. \autocite[28]{hanslick1986musically}\label{quote:hanslick}
\end{quote}
Therefore, we are arriving at a seemingly paradoxical conclusion: by suggesting that music is analogous to narrative (as a term borrowed from literary studies), we are in fact asserting the autonomy of music, such that it has its own narrative whose ``plot'' cannot be translated to extramusical terms.
By interpreting music performance metaphorically as an act of story-telling, we gain several advantages as a result.
\section{Narrative as pedagogical tool}
The first advantage is instrumental, in the sense that such metaphor is an effective pedagogical tool. To interpret performance as story-telling, is pedagogically similar to using visual aids to inspire imagination.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-03-00-08-01.jpg}
\caption{Prokofiev, Piano Sonata No.~8, Op. 84, opening of the first movement}
\label{fig:prokofiev_8_opening}
\end{figure}
For example, consider the opening of Prokofiev's 8th piano sonata (see figure \ref{fig:prokofiev_8_opening}). One may interpret the general mood of the opening as a mixture of gloominess and expansiveness. The gloominess is expressed through the counterpoint resulting from multiple voices crawling, where the movement in semitones is particularly alarming. Meanwhile, due to the spacing between left-hand and right-hand voices, the music is expansive in that it creates a sense of spatiality. The expansive spatiality is maximal in the third measure, where the crescendo is accompanied by contrary motion between the two hands. Contrary motion creates expansiveness in two regards. The first regard reads: contrapuntally, outward contrary motion has a typical example, i.e.~the resolution of the augmented sixth interval to an octave, which creates a sense of expansion because it is intervallically expanding in the literal sense, as well as easing the harmonic tension. The same is true in the case of our example: the downbeat of the third measure makes up a tritone between the outer voices, which expands in register through contrary motion, magically arriving at a minor third on the third beat of the same measure. The second regard is more performance-oriented: it concerns the bodily gesture which is an inseparable part of performer's understanding of music. As both hands expand in register, we create two gestures that are both suggesting expansiveness. One gesture is technical, that it is physiologically more effective to transfer body weight (which is necessary in the modern theory of piano performance, whose emphasis lies in injury prevention) to the keyboard, when hands are placed symmetrically around the performer's center of mass (i.e.~the key that we can play most conveniently with our nose, which approximately corresponds to the middle C) and are reasonably far apart. While it is tedious to explain technical gestures in words, one can readily see how the statement above is true by experimenting push-up exercise with varying distance between hands. Another gesture is, on the other hand, symbolic: hands placed far apart on the keyboard are symbolic of the concept embrace and hug, which is often associated with the feeling of expansiveness. The association is rather more literal than symbolic: when we embrace, arms naturally expand, creating a feeling of coziness. This is exactly the reason that in his neo-Hellenistic endeavor, Holderlin conveys the poetic sense of warmth and coziness with the simplest choice of wording:
\begin{quote}
\centering
The euphony of the rustling
meadow was my education;
among flowers I learned to love.
I grew up
in the arms of the gods.\autocite{holderlin2004poems}
\end{quote}
We may claim that the poetic climax of the entire quote is the word ``arms'', as it poetically gives life to all other elements in the poem: through the arms of the gods, we are embraced by the gods, meadow, flower, and more importantly, the infinitely expansive universe.
The mixture of gloominess and expansiveness is indeed a strange emotional mixture, as if we are juxtaposing two opposing magnets. On the one hand, the gloominess suggests introspection concerning contemplation of one's inner state. On the other hand, the expansiveness suggests something outgoing concerning the external environment. It is for this reason that we have different dispositional interpretations of the following two statements: ``the weather is gloomy today'', and ``the mountain scenery is expansive''. Note that they are both factual statements. However, gloomy weather is equipped with a certain degree of sentimental implication, to the extent that gloomy weather \emph{reflects} our mood. Now, this strange emotional mixture translates to challenges in musical understanding. From a pedagogical perspective, how would instructor inspire the student to grasp the musical representation of this emotional mixture? The primary challenge concerns the process of synthesis. The student may be familiar with musical depiction of gloominess as well as that of expansiveness separately. However, how should one go about synthesizing the two moods into a unified musical presentation, especially when the two moods seem to be in conflict with one another? This challenge about synthesis has its analogue in the technical aspects of the piano: one may know how each hand should play its part, but putting together (i.e.~synthesizing) both hands requires extra practice because it poses a challenge of body coordination which is found nowhere in single-hand practice. Therefore for students, such task of synthesizing two (conflicting) musical moods may be as contradictory as playing fortissimo using the dynamic of pianissimo (note that this is a restatement of challenges pianists encounter on everyday basis: playing powerfully without hammering the keyboard).
In such a pedagogical scenario, visual aids come to the rescue. The instructor inspires the student to think associatively about a scene in which one can see the gloomy and cloudy weather. At the same time, one stands at the center of an open field. From the standpoint, one can see a mountain near the horizon. However, the image of the mountain is blurred by the cloud so that one is unable to see its peak. Now, such scene is spatially expansive and sentimentally gloomy at the same time. As the student's imagination fills in the details, he/she might associate additional senses and feelings such as melancholy or disquiet. Then a common pedagogical strategy is to let student start playing on the piano, while retaining the imaginary scene mentally. The goal is to let the playing somehow musically approximate the imaginary scene. In this example, we are able to see how visual aids are helpful. First and foremost, they provide an ``anchor'' against which students are able to make conscious adjustments to the playing. Secondly, visual aids are more approachable in a twofold sense: 1) we understand visual aids more easily because they frequently appear in everyday life, whereas musical thinking and performance are much more specialized and domain-specific skills; 2) one's mental faculty of imagination is somehow more capable in visual processing. The specific cause for our exceptional capability in visual imagination is up to debate. For example, one might argue that it is due to an evolutionary cause (i.e.~survival in the wild) that we must prioritize the development of visual processing and imagination. In particular, one must be able to predict how wild animals move by imagining their position in the next moment in order to know how one should fight (in case of hunting) or flight (in case of being chased). Without offering further speculations about the cause, we simply acknowledge an observation from the Prokofiev example discussed: while it is challenging to musically synthesize gloominess and expansiveness, it is relatively straightforward to synthesize gloomy weather and expansive scenery simply by juxtaposing them in our imagination. Furthermore, we are able to juxtapose them side by side, and construe them as a whole. This holistic picture is what helps the student in understanding musically the required mood.
By the same mechanism as visual inspiration, story-telling is an equally effective pedagogical tool. Instead of imagining visual scenery, students now participate in the activity of creative writing. In particular, one constructs plots that are reflective of the mood required for the playing. Note that the plots can be completely arbitrary and ad-hoc, as long as they fulfill the purpose of stimulating the musical mood students are expected to grasp. For the example above, one may brainstorm a story into which gloominess and expansiveness are incorporated. For example, we may simply turn the visual scenery discussed above into a narrative:
\begin{quote}
The weather is gloomy today. As I walk in the wild, clouds along with mountains afar speak of my hollow heart. A running brook asks about my sorrow and gloominess. I look around and see no answer. The unsettling clouds are not to be blamed. They smile at the world, in the shape of a giant donut. Thus I look inside and find the answer: my gloominess finds its cause in the distant past, as I tried to grasp the meaning of gloominess and expansiveness at the piano. Suddenly an angelic fox with nine tails visits me to give me heavenly revelation: ``by the grace of god, I'm here to give you the doctrine of perpetual motion. It reads: The weather is gloomy today. As I walk \ldots{}''.
\end{quote}
In the spirit of creative writing, the story is to be taken with a virtual repeat-sign at the end so that it becomes cyclical and continues indefinitely. Disregarding details (such as the random appearance of the word ``giant donut'') that are specific to creative writing, the mechanism by which story-telling is an effective pedagogical strategy is the following: on the one hand, expressing musical affects requires musical understanding of the corresponding emotional states (e.g.~the mixture of gloominess and expansiveness). On the other hand, stories are effective means to induce these emotional states. When we say ``imagine happiness'', the term ``happiness'' itself is meaningless in the sense that we cannot directly imagine happiness by itself.\label{idea:emotions cannot stand on their own} Instead, happiness is \emph{represented} by happiness-bearing experiences. In other words, happiness is a property of happy experience as a process (which gives us the saying that ``process is more important than result''). Now, experience is nothing but story, and to recall an experience is to tell a story. Therefore, it is through stories that we can effectively feel the emotions therein contained.
We should note that story-telling as a pedagogical strategy is based on an assumption. In fact, this assumption concerns a widespread belief in the performing arts that we may claim that it is universally assumed for all performing arts. It reads: in order to communicate a certain mood, the performer has to possess it first. For example, in order to musically express sorrow, the performer has to understand and possesses the sorrowful emotion. This assumption essentially underlies one of the most valued qualities of artistic expression: sincerity. One's performance is sincere, if it communicates a musical message that is faithful to the performer's disposition. The opposite to sincerity is hypocrisy, where one's performance may be considered excellent to the extent there is nothing wrong in the performance, both technically and musically. Therefore, the performance appears convincing as it is flawless. However, listeners still feel that something is fundamentally missing, as if the performer delivers a tragedy with all the splendid staging and spectacle, but without a soul. What is it that is missing? It is nothing but the very possession of emotions deemed necessary for the work. By faithfully feeling and resonating with emotions contained in the work, the performer is then able to deliver a sincere performance. As a result, listeners are able to perceive the performance as a complete work of art: in addition to containing nothing wrong (musically and technically), the performance contains extra qualities related to sincerity, such as compassion, sympathy and honesty. Note that these qualities are uniquely human: they indicate the organic quality of artists, as humans, behind the work. In other words, they indicate trace of life behind the work. When we say that something is sincere, we necessarily interpret it as related to a human act. For example, it does not make sense to say ``the rain yesterday was sincere''. Meanwhile, many qualities attributed to good performance are not necessarily uniquely human. For example, we often use the term ``breathtaking'' to describe compelling performance. However, we are also justified to say ``the thunderstorm yesterday was breathtaking''.
The very assumption that, given an emotional state, the performers must possess it in order to present it, is not singular to music performance. As mentioned, it is acknowledged in virtual all performing arts. For example, it lies at the heart of Stanislavsky's system of acting. For him, the role of emotion is vital in carrying out expressive performance. In his writing ``An actor prepares'', Stanislavsky makes the following remark:
\begin{quote}
To me, as a spectator, what was going on inside of you was of much greater interest. Those feelings, drawn from our actual experience, and transferred to our part, are what give life to the play. {[}\ldots{]} All external production is formal, cold, and pointless if it is not motivated from within. \autocite[164]{stanislavski1989actor}
\end{quote}
Note how this statement can be applied to music performance without modifying a single word. Namely, we can imagine that the quote appears, word for word, in a piano masterclass without realizing that it is a comment originally made about acting. Therefore, a true performing artist whose ambition is to bring about try artistry, must somehow generate the required emotion before he/she can act at all. A considerable portion of Stanislavsky's system is then dedicated to how one can generate appropriate emotions necessary for the stage. To this end, he proposes two concepts: emotional memory and the method of physical actions.
According to Stanislavsky, emotional memory is memory consisting of emotions that can be recalled, retrieved and recreated on-demand during on-stage acting. Coincidentally, we can use an observation we make previously (see page \pageref{idea:emotions cannot stand on their own}), that emotions cannot stand on their own, but must be accompanied (or more technically, encoded) by emotion-bearing experiences. Emotional memory is then a collection of useful memories from personal life, useful in the sense that they effectively bring up the mood required for on-stage acting. According to Moore's interpretation of Stanislavsky, emotional memory concerns the ``actor's own experience, transformed into that of the character''.\autocite[42]{moore1984stanislavski} Therefore:
\begin{quote}
To enrich the emotional memory, the actor must observe what is happening around him; he must read, listen to music, go to museums, watch people. Well developed emotional memory is the most important requirement for the actor's work in the theater of living experience. It is the storage of past experiences and the only source for emotions on stage.\autocite[44]{moore1984stanislavski}
\end{quote}
To cultivate emotional memory, one consciously collects and catalogues individual pieces of memories from his/her own life experience, in order to build his/her personal collection of valuable memories. For example, consider the following fictional scenario:
\begin{quote}
You are an actor but at the same time you are enthusiastic about classical music. Recently you read about Messiaen and became fascinated by his idea of modes of limited transposition. However, unlike him, you are not particularly fond of birds. In fact, you hate birds. One day, you woke up and found that there was a giant pigeon in the room. It was the biggest pigeon you had ever seen in your whole life so far. You panicked and ran outside.
\end{quote}
In this scenario, a true actor who has the goal of cultivating emotional memory in mind would take one extra step: reflecting and contemplating on his panicking experience. Therefore, the story continues:
\begin{quote}
You ran outside, yet the image of the giant pigeon is still lingering in your mind like a spectre. Suddenly you recall Stanislavsky's idea of emotional memory and find that this panicking experience is worth remembering. Therefore you tell yourself: ``indeed I should panic, but meanwhile as an aspired actor, I have to remember my current mood as vividly as possible. I should remember as detailed as possible the pigeon, how it causes my anxiety, and how my subjective experience evolves after encountering the pigeon''. You then decide to write down your instantaneous feeling and take a selfie as records. After this experience, you have one addition to your personal collection of useful memories, under the label ``panic-related emotions''.
\end{quote}
The actor then participates in a drama workshop on Hamlet, where he/she is assigned the role of Horatio. Now the rehearsal focuses on the opening scene, in particular, the moment of apparition:
\begin{quote}
\begin{dialogue}
\speak{BERNARDO} Last night of all,
When yond same star that's westward from the pole
Had made his course to illume that part of heaven
Where now it burns, Marcellus and myself,
The bell then beating one,--
\direct{Enter Ghost}
\speak{MARCELLUS} Peace, break thee off; look, where it comes again!
\speak{BERNARDO} In the same figure, like the king that's dead.
\speak{MARCELLUS} Thou art a scholar; speak to it, Horatio.
\speak{BERNARDO} Looks it not like the king? mark it, Horatio.
\speak{HORATIO} Most like: it harrows me with fear and wonder.
\speak{BERNARDO} It would be spoke to.
\speak{MARCELLUS} Question it, Horatio.
\speak{HORATIO} What art thou that usurp'st this time of night,
Together with that fair and warlike form
In which the majesty of buried Denmark
Did sometimes march? by heaven I charge thee, speak!
\speak{MARCELLUS} It is offended.
\speak{BERNARDO} See, it stalks away!
\speak{HORATIO} Stay! speak, speak! I charge thee, speak!
\direct{Exit Ghost}
\speak{MARCELLUS} 'Tis gone, and will not answer.
\speak{BERNARDO} How now, Horatio! you tremble and look pale:
Is not this something more than fantasy?
What think you on't?
\speak{HORATIO} Before my God, I might not this believe
Without the sensible and true avouch
Of mine own eyes.\autocite[293]{shakespeare2014arden}
\end{dialogue}
\end{quote}
How would the actor understand the character of Horatio and, specifically, his reaction to the ghost? Based solely on the textual evidence in the excerpt above, we understand his mood as a mixture of ``fear and wonder''. However, meanwhile, he has to pretend he is brave, by trying to overcome his fear with loud voice: ``Stay! speak, speak! I charge thee, speak!''. We know that he is pretending to be brave because his comrade Bernardo notices his fear: ``How now, Horatio! you tremble and look pale''. This discrepancy between his mood and his action indicates that he is panicking. The actor recalls his horrific experience of encountering the giant pigeon. Consequently, when he/she acts out the line ``Stay! speak, speak! I charge thee, speak!'', the actor thinks of the image of the giant pigeon, such that the ghost of the king is morphed into the shape of a giant pigeon (the same way that performers, in overcoming stage fright, think of the audience members as potatoes). The actor starts to panic; his/her voice starts trembling; his/her face turns pale. The timing is so right, that when Bernardo speaks ``How now, Horatio! you tremble and look pale'', the actor appears exactly in the state described by Bernardo: trembling and pale. As a result, the audience is astounded and praises the actor's performance as sincere and organic: the character is understood from within, such that the acting faithfully portrays the character in every possible aspect. The example above involving pigeon is arbitrarily constructed in order to show a point. Even though it sounds absurd (and even ridiculous) to associate the appearance of a ghost that has so much dramatic significance (i.e.~from which the rest of Hamlet's plot is made possible) with the everyday encounter of a pigeon, nevertheless the example shows that the focus is on utility. Both the actor's encounter of pigeon and Horatio's encounter of ghost stimulate the feeling of panic, despite the drastic difference in content.
Emotional memory involves strategies similar to the pedagogical strategy in music lessons explored above. In music lessons, instructors use stories to motivate students in finding the right musical mood. A particular characteristic of this strategy is that we introduce external help: the stories are often based on materials from our personal experience, and they are considered external to music as they are not about relationships between tones insofar as music is considered an autonomous object (see page \pageref{quote:hanslick} for Hanslick's remark). By the same token, emotional memory introduces external help. According to Stanislavsky's system, every actor lives two lives: stage life and personal life. In particular:
\begin{quote}
An experience of the actor on stage is different from an experience in life. The difference lies in the fact that the actor lives on stage as the character and also as the actor who creates the character. \autocite[42]{moore1984stanislavski}
\end{quote}
In one's stage life, the actor lives poetically and dramatically. It is a life where, as in Aeschylus' dramatic depiction ``Oresteia'', Orestes is chased by wrathful Furies. Or, as in Wagner's ``Götterdämmerung'', the dramatic force of vengeance, wrath, and greed brings doom to the gods in the final scene. Alternatively, if characters were to break the third wall, then it is the sheer musical intensity that consumes Valhalla and the gods into dust. On the other hand, one's personal life is less eventful. Instead of being chased by methodological figures such as the Furies or Rhinemaidens, one is more likely chased by debt collectors. Instead of being consumed by wrath of the gods, one is more likely consumed by the realization that, like Beethoven, he/she is left with ``insufficient money for his living expenses''.\autocite{grove_beethoven}
How are the two lives with contrasting styles reconciled? Stanislavsky suggests that personal life is the source of emotional memory for stage life. In other words, personal life as external help (i.e.~experience in personal life is not part of the dramatic plot) is introduced to shape one's stage life. Additionally, Stanislavsky's claim is stronger: experience from personal life is not only useful, it is indispensable, to the extent that this external help is ``the only source for emotions on stage''.\autocite[44]{moore1984stanislavski} Specifically:
\begin{quote}
The actor must be capable of bringing out the imprint of a past experience and of making it respond to the conditioned stimulus on stage at the moment he needs it. Through rehearsals, the actor develops a conditioned reflex in which his emotion is stirred through the stage stimulus. \autocite[43]{moore1984stanislavski}
\end{quote}
Later in the development of Stanislavsky's system, the focus shifts from emotional memory to the method of physical actions. For method of physical actions:
\begin{quote}
Instead of forcing an emotion before going on stage {[}as in emotional memory{]}, the actor fulfills a simple, concrete, purposeful physical action which stirs the psychological side of the psychophysical act, thus achieving psycho-physical involvement. \autocite[19]{moore1984stanislavski}
\end{quote}
In other words, the method relies on the assumption that bodily gestures, i.e.~behavioral patterns, have psychological impacts to the extent they can shape our emotional state. Music performers should resonate with this assumption: to overcome stage fright, we have two viable strategies (other than the brute force strategy: practice more). The first is psychological, that before going to stage, we can imagine listeners as potatoes sitting in the audience. The second is behavioral, or in Stanislavsky's term, related to physical actions, that we take a deep breath, and walk to the stage in a posture that is relaxed and confident. Essentially, we are completing a set of pre-performance routines that may be different for each person. On the one hand, these routines are ritual-like. By a sequence of bodily gestures, performers hope to conjure the spirit called ``optimal condition for performance''. On the other hand, they are akin to the field of therapy that has been increasingly popular among musicians in recent years. For example, many types of therapies put emphasis on the conscious act of breathing and bodily relaxation (as in, for example, meditation), and believe that they can have definitive impact on mental well-being.
We should acknowledge that emotional memory and the method of physical actions are vastly different approaches. In fact, one may argue that he formulates the method of physical actions as a replacement of his theory of emotional memory, overthrowing his previous findings as he became ``disappointed in the results of his earlier developments''.\autocite[17]{moore1984stanislavski} Nevertheless, it is noteworthy that emotional memory and the method of physical actions are different approaches to achieving the same goal: generating appropriate inner emotional states from which acting is made possible at all. Articulated plainly, as Moore observes, emotions ``are stirred in an actor in order to stir the spectator's emotions in turn''.\autocite[14]{moore1984stanislavski} Therefore, emotional memory and the method of physical actions can be interpreted as complementary, as both are ``conscious means which would stir the actor's emotions''.\autocite[17]{moore1984stanislavski} More importantly, both methods are heavily based on the notion of narrative: for emotional memory, one makes use of the narrative of past experience; whereas for the method of physical actions, one treats the sequence of bodily movements as a narrative without words, since it tells a meaningful story which has the power to shape one's disposition.
To sum up, we have discussed how narrative (i.e.~story-telling) is an important pedagogical tool in the performing arts (note that performing arts are a subset of temporal arts). In particular, narrative can facilitate a performer's (e.g.~actors and musicians) preparation process by inspiring his/her emotions required for an expressive performance. Moreover, because emotions are indispensable in the sense that performers must possess the emotion before they can communicate it with the audience, narrative as an (or in Stanislavsky's view, the only) emotion-generating tool is also indispensable to the performing arts.
\section{Narrative as foundation}
\label{sec:narrative as foundation}
However, we may not be fully satisfied in acknowledging the pedagogical utility of narrative. Instead, when we say that music is about story-telling, we feel that narrative somehow describes music (and all temporal arts) at a more fundamental level. In other word, the discussion of narrative in a musical context should not be classified as pedagogy of music, but ontology of music. Narrative is not something one relates to music, but something that is part of music.
Therefore, when interpreting music performance metaphorically as an act of story-telling, we are not only suggesting that performing a piece is \emph{like} telling a story, but also suggesting that it \emph{is} telling a story. Treating narrative as an inherent part of music allows us to examine the concept using a perspective that is not confined to pedagogical usefulness. In particular, one looks at features of story-telling in general and realizes that they shed light on our understanding of music. By interpreting music as narrative and performing music as story-telling, we potentially gain new insights into aspects of music that are otherwise undiscovered.
As discussed previously, story-telling enables us to extend the metaphor to the idea of a spiritual journey. In short, narrative mediates between music and spiritual journey. One may argue that metaphorically interpreting music as narrative and spiritual journey is merely a play of words, as they do not inform us of anything beyond what we already know about music. Therefore, one might say ``OK I see that listening to music is like embarking on a journey, so what?''.
The answer is that features of narrative and journey reveal important properties of music itself. Moreover, these properties are often overlooked in cases where the metaphor of narrative and journey is absent. For example, consider how the idea of a journey gives music a proactive force. Specifically, proactive force refers to the presence of some conscious agent by whose will and deliberate choice musical events are \emph{proactively produced} instead of being \emph{mere happenings}. In other words, proactive force is the quality in music that enables us, as listeners, to attribute it uniquely to human endeavors. Note that proactive force concerns a statement that is not scientific in that it cannot be falsified. For example, one may ask: ``we now know that the proactive force essential to music is a trace of human endeavors, but \emph{exactly} where can we find it? Moreover, what \emph{exactly} do you mean by human endeavors?''. A series of questions would then lead us again to the unfruitful discussion on the physical basis of free will. As our discussion enters the realm of performing arts, we necessarily encounter propositions that are of a strange mix: on the one hand, we strongly feel and believe in the living quality (i.e.~proactive force) of music; on the other hand, one cannot find it anywhere in music. In particular, one cannot physically tell (i.e.~using measuring equipment) if musical events are proactively produced or are mere happenings. According to the infinite monkey theorem:
\begin{quote}
If an army of monkeys were strumming on typewriters they might write all the books in the British Museum. \autocite[82]{nature_of_the_physical_world}
\end{quote}
Consequently, the notion of proactive force should be understood as strictly limited to an artistic discourse. In particular, one should approach it with the mindset of a performer, where the lively quality characterizing the proactive force is one of the (if not the most) essential elements of arts, with respect to which arts are considered worthy of anything at all.
In a journey, there is a constant presence of the protagonist (i.e.~the identification of the protagonist who embarks on the journey is spelled out), by whose actions and conscious decisions the journey is made possible. Moreover, as readers, we are so naturally put in the role of the protagonist instead of a spectator who merely witnesses the journey. Therefore, the protagonist fulfills the function of proactive force, and it is vividly recognized by readers. On the contrary, in a landscape painting or a piece of music, the presence of the protagonist is less obvious. In a landscape painting, we do not find anyone inside the picture because the protagonist lies outside the picture: the spectator. Similarly, in a piece of music, we tend to be confused as to who the protagonist is.
Therefore, because the presence of a protagonist is not immediately obvious in music, one must actively remind himself/herself of the proactive force vital to music by construing music as journey. Without construing music as journey, we are in danger of neglecting the proactive force vital to the expressiveness of music. Consequently, we are in danger of reducing musical events (as proactively produced by conscious actions) to mere happenings. An example of mere happenings is chemical reactions, in which we have events but not decisions, causal relations but not conscious actions. For example, it is poetic yet absurd to imagine oneself as electric current in the chemical process of electrolysis. The reason for the absurdity is simply that we are unable to find the protagonist to whom we can substitute in our identity. As a result, chemical reactions lack the proactive force brought by a protagonist. When lacking in proactive force, a piece of music unfolding in time is not substantially different from observing a chemical reaction, such that we are spectators detached from the event instead of being part of the event.
We are surely aware that music is different from chemical reactions, in the same way a journey as a process is different from chemical reactions. They are different, to the extent that we call music but not chemical reactions an art. However, without the metaphor of journey that constantly reminds us of the proactive force so essential to music, even performers are sometimes at a loss. For example, in discussing effective practice, performers commonly refer to a type of ineffective practice, where one's attention starts to wander around, entering the so-called ``autopilot mode''. In this case, performers are physically moving their hands and bringing out all articulations notated on the score. However, their attention is detached from their playing. At first glance, the issue seems to be about attention in its medical sense (such as in the context of ADHD). However, artistically, the issue is exactly that performers lose sight of the proactive force that gives performance its truly human quality.
It is very different to perform with the idea of spelling out notes on the score, than with the idea of proactively exploring some musical space. Therefore, the metaphor of a journey fundamentally changes (or reminds us of) the way music is construed, bringing a completely altered mindset. It is not just a pedagogical tool that serves as tricks (i.e.~emotional memory) to bring about effective performance. Instead, it is a statement concerning what music \emph{is} and is \emph{about}. With the metaphor of a journey, we thus construe music performance as an active exploration of an open world. This is a world in which both listeners and artists are invited and welcomed (analogous to a safe space) to participate and collaborate in an active exploration. In this world, we no longer say that ``tension is followed by release''. The statement is too cold to be considered artistic, as it is not substantially different from the statement ``observation is followed by the collapse of wavefunction''. It is ``cold'' because we do not find ourselves in the statement . Therefore, we insert and assert a declarative subject ``I'', saying that ``I encounter a harmonically unstable passage of music. As a result, I become emotionally challenged as it creates a sense of tension. In response, I, through my sole will and power, decide to release this tension by ending this harmonically unstable passage with an assertive tonic chord''. We should notice the crux of the matter, that we are turning passive voice into an active one. Therefore, instead of saying that ``dissonance is resolved'' as if the resolution is spontaneous, we say that ``I resolve the dissonance''.
One might argue that the difference between passive and active voice is merely in wording. However, we should see how the shift in mindset particularly benefits performer's musicianship. Recall that the metaphor of journey reveals the proactive force inherent in music, giving it a lively quality that is highly valued by many to be the essence of musical beauty. Now, this proactive force puts performers in the mindset that every musical event in performance is caused by one's active will and action. Therefore, performance is not about musical happenings, but about musical purposes and their fulfillment. With this mindset, performers are in the position to ask, with an active voice: what can I do to make this moment a better musical instant? For a socially responsible performer, the question naturally extends: what can I do to make this world a better place? The crux is in the observation that active voice naturally makes us to think about what to do, instead of what happens. Therefore, the mindset shifts from a descriptive perspective (i.e.~musical happenings) to a prescriptive one (i.e.~musical actions). Consequently, in practice, performers are constantly aware of how every musical moment is the result of deliberate interpretive choice in fulfillment of certain purposes. Performers then become, borrowing Stanislavsky's words, ``motivated from within''.\autocite[164]{stanislavski1989actor} As every interpretive decision is the result of some inner motivation, there must be no ``dangling'' musical moments that are unmotivated. Note that as consequence, we naturally arrive at familiar concepts that musicians often discuss. Specifically, as performance is motivated from within, it is naturally \emph{sincere}. Moreover, as performers must constantly think about every moment of the performance in relation to their deliberate and purposeful interpretive decisions, the performance is more likely \emph{justified} as one actively tries to make sense of each moment. Finally, the music is \emph{convincing}: if we treat interpretive decisions as musical statements, then a convincing performance is nothing other than the idea that it has the ability to make the audience believe in the statement. Because of the active voice, we know that the performer firmly believes in his/her musical statements. As the performance is sincere, the performer can then pass the belief in the musical statements to the audience.
In short, the proactive force of music implied by the metaphor of journey makes the performance sincere, justified, and convincing. It is this lively quality of music that gives rise to musical knowledge whose term means something very specific here. The term ``knowledge'' is to be interpreted as a music analogue to the knowledge defined by the epistemological theory of JTB. In epistemology, one interpretation of what constitutes knowledge states that knowledge is ``justified true belief'' (abbreviated as JTB).\autocite{sep-knowledge-analysis} In particular, given any person \emph{S} and proposition \emph{p}:
\begin{quote}
\emph{S} knows that \emph{p} iff
\begin{enumerate}
\item
\emph{p} is true;
\item
\emph{S} believes that \emph{p};
\item
\emph{S} is justified in believing that \emph{p}.\autocite{sep-knowledge-analysis}
\end{enumerate}
\end{quote}
Disregarding technical details, we can see how the criteria applies to music with little modification. Sincerity corresponds to truth (notice how musical truth is special in that it is not experimental), as to be sincere is to be true to oneself. Meanwhile, being convincing corresponds to belief, as the performer firmly believes in his/her musical statements in a convincing performance. Finally, justified performance corresponds to the justification condition. One may notice the subtlety here: in JTB, the justification condition refers to the state of being justified in believing (i.e.~referring to the belief condition instead of the truth condition). Meanwhile, a justified performance makes no reference to the belief in musical statements. However, this subtlety does not harm our discussion here. To see why, we notice that even though musical justification makes no reference to belief, the belief is in fact implied. In order to justify a particular interpretive decision (such as the placement of a crescendo at a particular position), the performer shows that it is musically effective to the extent the listener is emotionally satisfied. Now, because of the assumption that the performer must possess the emotion he/she wishes to communicate, the performer must be emotionally satisfied by the particular interpretive decision first, which necessarily implies the firm belief in the decision.
\section{What should narrative of music be about?}
\label{section:what should narrative of music be about}
The previous discussion explains how narrative (i.e.~story-telling and metaphor of journey) in music can serve practically as a pedagogical tool, and ontologically as the source of the lively quality (i.e.~the proactive force) essential to music.
Despite the crucial role of narrative in interpreting music, we must nevertheless recognize the potential pitfall of interpreting music too literally as narrative. Specifically, one must be careful not to interpret too rigidly the term ``narrative'' in its literary sense. As the Grove article on ``Narratology'' warns us of the potential pitfall once we wish to apply narratology as the study of narrative to music:
\begin{quote}
One recurring issue in such discussions of narrative and music concerns the identification of agents or actors. Ordinary story-telling normally concerns characters, and musicologists who explore analogies to narrative often identify fictional agents such as themes or instruments.\autocite{grove_narratology}
\end{quote}
At this point, we can already recognize the potential issue: music narratology is in danger of an identity crisis. The issue is that, narrative is, like temporal asymmetry, not a concept native to the field of music. Instead, it owes its etymological origin to the literary tradition. Consequently, it extensively borrows terminology and concepts from its literary counterpart. Therefore, a potential risk is that one borrows from other fields without constructing a truly original theory that is native to music. The issue is made clearer as the article continues:
\begin{quote}
Descriptions offered in support of a narrative analogy may remain close to ordinary technical analysis, but often they become anthropomorphic and sometimes, as in Newcomb's account of Mahler's Symphony no.9, musical events may be translated into a detailed, almost novelistic story about an individual protagonist.\autocite{grove_narratology}
\end{quote}
The main issue that emerges is not about the use of analogy or anthropomorphic descriptions, but about the act of translating music analysis into literary terms. In potentially offensive terms, narratology in music is in danger of being annexed to literary narratology, thus losing its autonomy (which is, ironically, what musicians take pride in, suggesting that music as non-representational art, makes no reference to external objects). Specifically, consider the following commentary:
\begin{quote}
The taxonomic and rule-orientated qualities of formalism and structuralism already seemed dated to many literary and cultural scholars by the 1980s, and the subsequent promotion of narratology by musicologists may have been untimely.\autocite{grove_narratology}
\end{quote}
Readers should raise eyebrows due to the implication made by the term ``untimely''. The implication states that musicologists are somehow still making promotion of what others have considered dated (notice that both ``promotion'' and ``dated'' appear in the original commentary). Therefore, the absurd usage of the word ``untimely'' suggests that the study of narratology in music somehow falls behind with its upstream, i.e.~literary and cultural studies from which narratology in music borrows concepts and terminology. Hence the very word ``untimely'' reflects and defines a hierarchical relationship, in which musicologists are followers who have to keep up with the research progress in other fields.
As a result, we often encounter unnatural analysis when the borrowed literary terms about narrative make little sense in music. In other words, a music analysis becomes contrived and ad-hoc if we borrow literary narratology for the sake of borrowing it. For example, in literary narratology, the role of narrator is crucial in presenting the narrative. A fictional narrative in first person is very different from that in third person. Meanwhile, the role of narrator is less important in music. It is true that we can always forge, through analogy, a narrator in music analysis and claim it is crucial. Nevertheless, such forgery is contrived and ad-hoc. In literature, the choice of first person versus third person is crucial because it is what every writer must consciously deliberate before even starting the writing. On the other hand, we can indeed find some musical features and claim that they show a music analogue of first person narrative. For example, we might say that an off-tonic beginning of a piece signifies a third person narrative, as the tonal remoteness from the tonic corresponds to the feeling of remoteness often encountered in a third person narrative. However, we can always respond to such interpretation concisely: ``are you \emph{really} sure about that?''. In precise terms, the issue of first person versus third person in literature is not susceptible to intentional fallacy (i.e.~the work is written in first person because the author deliberately means it), whereas in music the issue is more complicated. Therefore, just as we should ignore idioms specific to each instrument when discussing musical expressiveness in general, we should be careful not to bring in any concepts deemed unhelpful to musical inquiry.
Then, what should narratology in music be about? More specifically, what should a narratology that is developed specifically with music in mind look like? In other words, we are interested in a musical narratology, instead of the application of literary narratology in music. One potential strategy is to shift (or more precisely, reverse) the mindset in ways analogous to the Copernican revolution. All else being equal, the Copernican revolution states that, maybe instead of treating earth as the center around which the sun orbits, we can treat the sun as the center around which the earth orbits. By the same token, maybe instead of putting music at fault to which literary narratology does not apply, we can put literary narratology at fault for which music does not qualify. Therefore, instead of identifying the issue as interpreting music too literally as (literary) narrative, it might be more appropriate to identify the issue as interpreting narrative too narrowly whose scope is confined to literary studies. Consequently, our goal is to find alternative formulation of narrative which can capture essential aspects of music as well as other temporal arts.
To sum up, we notice the interesting trajectory of our inquiry: we start with analyzing music with a tool called ``narratology'' by treating music metaphorically as a narrative. However, we find potential pitfalls in such analysis. Instead of maintaining the status quo, we choose to challenge and reform the very notion of narrative itself. We ask the following question: what should a narratology look like if it is to be uniquely musical, to the extent that when we talk about the term ``narrative'', it does not sound like a concept borrowed from the literary tradition? In order to answer such question, we need to find essential ingredients of a purely musical narrative, and they would become the core concepts of a purely musical narratology. In order to achieve this goal, we have to return again to music where, as musicians believe, one can find statements universal to all temporal arts. In particular, owing to the fact that the author of this project identifies himself as a performer, our discussion will be invariably biased toward a performer's perspective. Now, from a performer's perspective, the pattern of tension and release is of utmost importance to music, which is the focus of the upcoming discussion.
\section{Tension-release as a universal theme for all narratives}
\label{section:tension-release}
In music lessons, one of the (if not the most) frequently discussed topics is the pattern of tension and release. The terms ``tension'' and ``release'' are to be bundled as a single concept, hence ``tension and release'' will be discussed as a singular noun hereafter, denoted by the hyphenated term ``tension-release''. Few would challenge the vital role of tension-release, particularly among performers. Moreover, upon hearing the term tension-release, we immediately perceive it as a concept uniquely native to music. In other words, it is not borrowed from any other fields of study. One of our objectives is to show that tension-release, though particularly favored by performers, is in no way limited to discussions of music performance. In fact, it is universal to all temporal arts.
Being a concept unique to music, tension-release derives its power from its omnipresence. In particular, we should note that musicians discuss tension-release under various contexts. In harmony and counterpoint, tension-release is expressed through controlled dissonances. Resolution in tonal harmony, suspension in fourth species counterpoint, passing and neighbor tones are all examples where dissonances are treated and controlled with preparation and resolution. As a result, the treatment of dissonance constitutes what listeners perceive as tension-release.
Additionally, the pattern of tension-release is observed across all hierarchical levels.\label{idea:tension-release is observed across all hierarchical levels} We enumerate a few examples for illustrative purposes. At the level of measures, we recover the prototypical examples of harmonic resolution and contrapuntal suspension. For example, illustrations of dominant-tonic resolution often use a simplified model consisting of two chords: a dominant chord, followed by its resolution within a single measure. Additionally, articulations such as slurs contribute to the measure-level tension-release. For performers, these are the details that determine how polished the performance will be.
For tension-release on the level of phrases, musicians are interested in the topic of phrase model which is closely related to the idea of tension-release. For example, performers focus on the frequently discussed topic of phrasing. The idiom of ``shaping'' the phrase is simply a restatement of tension-release on the phrase level. In particular, when we shape a phrase, we identify a goal, namely, the moment in a phrase with the highest concentration of tension, to which performers must direct the performance, giving it a sense of direction.
On a more global level, tension-release within a piece gives rise to the topic of formal structure. For example, in standard sonata form, we often identify the end of the development section as the point of maximal tension. The tension originates precisely from the dominant-tonic resolution seen in tonal harmony, as ``the standard development culminates on an active dominant''. \autocite[19]{hepokoski2006elements} Additionally, for performers, tension-release operating on the entire span of a piece means something more than music analysis. It gives the piece the structural coherence which enables us to identify it as a complete work instead of a loose collection of excerpts. In performer-centric terms, tension-release operating at a large scale tests the performer's ability to handle large-scale musical works holistically. In particular, one of the criteria for performer's artistic competence is the general (i.e.~repertoire-agnostic) ability to maintain musical tension for an extended period of time, thus holding an audience's attention for the entire duration of the concert. To this end, performers often invoke the metaphor of breathing and phrasing to describe such ability: one's performance is breathtaking if he/she is able to present the entire piece in one breath, as a single phrase. Therefore, for performers, the ability to control tension-release is essential yet challenging, since it requires a rich set of skills: careful planning that shows musical understanding through analysis, mental concentration that can relate musical events far from one another in time, and physical stamina.
Pattern of tension-release continues climbing the ladder of hierarchical levels. One can interpret multiple pieces as a single entity. For example, we may consider inter-movement connections in a multi-movement work. Alternatively, we may group multiple works as a cycle which defines a single narrative. Therefore, tension-release operates across musical works. From a music history perspective, we may argue that one of the historical tendencies is to expand formal structures. Therefore, the rounded binary form that is short in length and simple in tonal scheme grows into the sonata-allegro form that is characterized by expansive length and tonal complexity. Owing to the tendency of expanding formal structures, composers experiment with removing boundaries between movements in an attempt to give formal unity to a multi-movement work. Poetically speaking, composers assign a single grand narrative to a collection of movements, thus turning the work into an organic whole.
\subsection{A musical case study: Liszt's B-minor sonata}
\label{sec:liszt sonata}
For example, one of the defining characteristics of Liszt's B-minor sonata is its thematic unity across movements, to the extent that it might be more appropriate to describe it as a single-movement sonata-like work with movement-like sections, than a multi-movement sonata with thematic unity. The possibility of admitting two contrasting descriptions is, according to the Grove article on Liszt, what gives the work a ``double-function'', such that the ``material is constantly making contributions to two sonata forms simultaneously''.\autocite{grove_liszt} In ``A history of Western music'', the authors make similar remarks about the piece:
\begin{quote}
{[}Liszt's{]} Sonata in B Minor (1853), modeled on Schubert's Wanderer Fantasy, is a masterpiece of formal innovation, using four main themes in one extended sonata-form movement subdivided into three large sections analogous to the movements of a Classic-era sonata. \autocite{norton_history}
\end{quote}
Tension-release operating across movements poses greater challenges to performers. It requires performers to actively retain memory of the distant past (e.g.~the beginning of the piece) in order to maintain the musical tension. In a multi-movement work where one finds little inter-movement connections, each movement can be considered as an isolated work of music, regulated by its own pattern of tension-release. As a result, forgetting the previous movements as one begins playing the new movement is not only forgiven, but also encouraged. One does not have to recall the beginning of the first movement in order to begin the finale. For example, consider Beethoven's piano sonata No.~12. The third movement (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven_op26_3mov}) is a funeral march, followed by a lighthearted rondo movement as finale (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven_op26_4mov}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-17-59-17.png}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~12, Op. 26, third movement, beginning}
\label{fig:beethoven_op26_3mov}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-17-59-38.png}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~12, Op. 26, fourth movement, beginning}
\label{fig:beethoven_op26_4mov}
\end{figure}
This example is typical to the Classical period in that the slow movement and the lighthearted finale are often juxtaposed without any transition. One of the potential reasons for such arrangement is extramusical: a joyful finale concludes the performance, as a social event, with joy and exuberance. Therefore, the discontinuity between the finale and its preceding movement is arguably intentional: it expresses the good will that listeners should go home with a positive mood. It is for the same reason that popular repertoire of encores consists largely of virtuosic, lighthearted and joyful pieces.
Now, as performers, it would be inappropriate to either show any lighthearted mood of the finale in any part of the slow movement (i.e.~spoilers), or carry the solemn mood over to the finale. Therefore, performers are encouraged to play the third movement in isolation, as if it is the entire program. The entire movement is then performed with the deliberate choice of avoiding reference to other movements. By the end of the third movement, the entire concert hall is filled with the contemplative A-flat major sonority (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven_op26_3mov_ending}), causing the listeners to revisit the movement using their imagination. Metaphorically, the listeners are invited into a imaginary space where the movement is replayed, echoing the title ``funeral march'' as a replay of the hero's life. As everyone (including the performer, because as discussed, he/she must possess the emotion he/she wishes to communicate) is consumed by grief and sorrow, the A-flat major sonority gradually decays into silence. The performer at this point must avoid any physical movement because the listeners are still awestruck by what they just heard. Therefore, the performer freezes his/her movement as if time on stage has stopped, leaving the audience in total silence. After the momentary silence, the performer should then completely remove hands from the keyboard and prepare to perform the finale anew. The gesture of removing hands from the keyboard is a signal of psychological reset, announcing that the upcoming movement is in no way related to the previously heard movement. Therefore, everyone (the performer in particular) must erase from memory the sorrowful journey of the third movement. Upon receiving the gestural signal, listeners who were too haunted and startled by the silence to physically move, are now able to stretch their body and cough. It is a challenge for the performer to be emotionally sincere, but at the same time transition from deep grief to lighthearted joy within blink of an eye.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-18-11-31.png}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~12, Op. 26, third movement, ending}
\label{fig:beethoven_op26_3mov_ending}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-19-26-30.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, excerpt, curly brackets in red indicate parallelism to figure \ref{fig:liszt_sonata_opening}}
\label{fig:liszt_sonata_before_finale}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-19-26-53.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, beginning, curly brackets in red indicate parallelism to figure \ref{fig:liszt_sonata_before_finale}}
\label{fig:liszt_sonata_opening}
\end{figure}
By contrast, consider the additional mental concentration required to perform Liszt's B-minor sonata. Instead of being forgetful of previous movements, one must make conscious effort to address previous materials. In particular, we consider a similar location: the moment leading into the finale (see figure \ref{fig:liszt_sonata_before_finale}). The onset of the note F-sharp in measure 453 immediately reminds us of the very opening of the sonata (see figure \ref{fig:liszt_sonata_opening}). In fact, the opening pattern (characterized by the repetition of note G in unison, followed by a descending scale) is so characteristic that its occurrence anywhere in the piece would infallibly reminds us of the opening. One potential reason for the memorability of the opening gesture is its simplicity. In other words, it is more appropriate to interpret it as representing the act of knocking on the door or heartbeat, than as a musically sensible melody. In fact, we may draw a parallel between the opening of Liszt's B-minor sonata and the opening of Beethoven's fifth symphony (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op67 beginning}). Firstly, both are openings that express a gesture rather than complete melodic or harmonic statements. As a result, attempts to analyze using melodic or harmonic terms would be unfruitful by the sheer fact that both examples intentionally resist analysis in melodic or harmonic terms by the use of unisons. Secondly, we may observe additional similarities by considering phrase structure in details. As illustrated in figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata beginning annotated} and \ref{fig:beethoven op67 beginning annotated}, both openings feature three occurrences of the musical gesture in succession with the following schema:
\begin{itemize}
\item
The first occurrence presents the musical gesture (unmodified by definition)
\item
The second occurrence presents a modified version of the gesture (in Beethoven's example, the modification is implemented using transposition; in Liszt's example, the inner voice is modified)
\item
The third occurrence presents an incomplete version of the gesture, leading the music into new material (in Beethoven's eample, the final note of the gesture is interrupted by running notes, undermining the completeness of its note value; in Liszt's example, the gesture is truncated at the double bar)
\end{itemize}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-21-13-40.png}
\caption{Beethoven, Symphony No.~5, Op. 67, beginning (piano reduction by Liszt)}
\label{fig:beethoven op67 beginning}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-19-26-53_annotated.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, beginning, annotated to show three occurrences of the musical gesture}
\label{fig:liszt sonata beginning annotated}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-21-13-40_annotated.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Symphony No.~5, Op. 67, beginning (piano reduction by Liszt), annotated to show three occurrences of the musical gesture}
\label{fig:beethoven op67 beginning annotated}
\end{figure}
One might interpret both openings as instances of a sentence structure where the music follows the pattern of presentation followed by continuation. However, using sentence structure or any conventional phrase structure is inappropriate in this case because one cannot explain the irregular phrase length in both examples. For example, in the Beethoven example, a phrase structure analysis would give a 16-measure continuation, which is unbalanced when compared to the 5-measure presentation (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op67 beginning annotated sentence structure}). In the Liszt example, the analysis using conventional phrase structure is even more nonsensical because we are unable to identify a cadential moment in the opening section. Therefore, it is more natural to interpret both examples using the idea of three occurrences of the musical gesture illustrated above. Additionally, the three occurrences serve as an introduction, i.e.~a prepending structure that is not part of the main musical body, but an musical anacrusis. The interpretation that the three occurrences of the opening gesture is anacrusis is backed by the observations in both examples. In the Liszt example, the double bar line at measure 8 indicates that it is the beginning of a new phrase; in the Beethoven example, the 16-measure unit between measure 6 and 22 indicates that it is to be considered as a complete phrase. Therefore, in both examples, the three occurrences of the opening gesture are singled out. They are immediately memorable in multiple ways: they are gestures readily recognized; they are placed in the beginning; they are presented three times in succession to reinforce listener's memory.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-08-23-37-26_annotated.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Symphony No.~5, Op. 67, beginning (piano reduction by Liszt), annotated to show that sentence structure is unsuitable for this example}
\label{fig:beethoven op67 beginning annotated sentence structure}
\end{figure}
The discussion of two musical examples above serves as a proof that the opening gesture in Liszt's sonata is readily recognizable and memorable. Upon hearing the F-sharp in the bass, we (performer and audience alike) are naturally reminded of the beginning. We then actively search our memory and recall the beginning. Moreover, we actively compare and contrast the beginning with the current moment of measure 453. In other words, we are participating in an active interplay between listening and recalling, by comparing side by side, on the one hand, what we are listening to and, on the other hand, what we remember.
As we actively compare, we make several observations. The first observation is about the identity of the F-sharp in measure 453. In its immediate context, it is to be interpreted as the tonic, i.e.~a tonally stable state that is considered resolved. In fact, F-sharp as the tonic is extensively prepared by the dominant note C-sharp (see figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata f-sharp prepared} for an annotated illustration).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T13_04_31-05_00_annotated.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, passage before the final movement, annotated to show how F-sharp is prepared by repeated visits of C-sharp}
\label{fig:liszt sonata f-sharp prepared}
\end{figure}
Specifically, the note C-sharp is visited multiple times. However, each time as we feel that the note is going to be resolved, the resolution is evaded by pulling the music back to previous material. What we get as a result is analogous to a dominant pedal: repeated visit of unresolved dominant in order to highlight the final moment of resolution. In order to highlight the arrival of F-sharp, we should also note how in addition to the repeated visit of C-sharp, F-sharp is deliberately avoided before measure 453. All of the aforementioned compositional strategies are serving the purpose of portraying the F-sharp as a point of arrival such that it is well prepared and anticipated to the extent that upon hearing the note, listeners are psychologically relieved.
However, the interpretation of F-sharp as resolution is not musically intuitive. Upon hearing the F-sharp in the bass without any harmonic support, we do not feel home-like warmth (which is often associated with resolution, hence the term ``home'' key). Instead, one naturally perceive a sense of unrest. Metaphorically speaking, the F-sharp renders a scene similar to that in a horror movie:
\begin{quote}
It is a lovely summer day and everyone enjoys the field trip (metaphorical of the musical warmth found in passage before the F-sharp in measure 453). However, suddenly, a wave of exceptionally chilly wind (metaphorical of the F-sharp in measure 453) causes everyone to shiver. It is unexplainable why there would be such chilly wind during summer time. Following the trace of the wind, the protagonists discover a deserted house. ``It's weird, I come here often but have never seen this house before'', says one protagonist. Driven by curiosity, the protagonists decide to knock (metaphorical of musical gesture) on the door. Everyone is excited but at the same time unsettled: what is on the other side of the door?
\end{quote}
Therefore, there must be additional destabilizing factors not yet considered. We notice that F-sharp as a point of arrival is a valid assertion only when we are considering its immediate surroundings. As discussed previously, the magic of F-sharp in measure 453 is that it reminds us of the beginning of the piece. When comparing the F-sharp to the note G in the beginning, its identity is no longer a point of arrival, but a semitone descent (see figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata comparison semitone relation}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-09T13_47_38-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, comparison between the beginning (on the left) and measure 453 (on the right), annotated to show the semitone relation}
\label{fig:liszt sonata comparison semitone relation}
\end{figure}
Even though listeners are unlikely to notice the semitone descent consisting of notes which are more than 400 measures apart, performers can be consciously aware of it in order to present a musically expressive performance. The semitone descent signifies that the recapitulation begins with a transposed (instead of identical) restatement of the opening. In order to bring out his/her awareness of the semitone descent and the transposed restatement of the opening theme, the performer actively devises interpretive decisions which listeners are able to notice. For example, the performer can choose to play the phrase in measure 453 with a darker and more gloomy sound by bringing out the bass voice in the left hand. Regardless of interpretive decisions the performer makes, he/she must actively retain the memory of his/her performance of the opening, in order to make an interpretive decision on the transposed restatement.
The unsettled feeling is reinforced by a distinct feature of the semitone descent: semitone descents can represent emotional unrest associated with negative connotations such as grief, death, and destruction. Such association possibly originates historically from the word-painting (or eye-music) tradition in which the visual elements in notation are translated to musical meanings. In particular, we refer to the practice of lament bass, consisting of ``descending (chromatic) tetrachord as an `emblem of lament'\,''.\autocite{grove_word_painting} For example, consider Purcell's aria ``When I'm laid in earth'' (see figure \ref{fig:purcell lament bass}), in which the use of the lament bass as a compositional device expresses Dido's grief.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T02_47_08-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Purcell, aria ``When I am laid in earth'', from opera ``Dido and Aeneas'', beginning, annotated to indicate the descending chromatic tetrachord}
\label{fig:purcell lament bass}
\end{figure}
Why is a descending figure capable of expressing grief? The explanation lies in the mechanism of word-painting. On the one hand, word-painting associates certain compositional devices to some visual elements. For example, Bach uses ``notes marked with a sharp sign (Kreuz) in works whose text refers to the Cross''.\autocite{grove_word_painting} On the other hand, the visual elements are symbolic of some sentiments. For example, the Cross may be symbolic of redemption. Therefore, word-painting works transitively: a compositional device is symbolic of some sentiments through some visual elements as mediator. For example, Bach's use of sharp sign is symbolic of redemption, through a mediator: the visual element of the Cross. Concerning our current discussion, what is the mediator between descending figure and grief? It is precisely the physical act of falling. To proceed, we start with an observation: the legacy of word-painting which associates visual (or more precisely, spatial) concepts with compositional choice is hard-coded into the language of music theory itself. For example, the word ``descent'' (as in descending scales) is not just a metaphor referring to the spatial notion of downness. Instead, it is a purely technical term in music theory: there is no term in music theory that can describe the concept of descending scales more precisely than actually using the very word ``descending''. As a result, we naturally associate downward intervallic motion to its metaphorical origin: downward physical motion. The crux of the matter is then in extending the metaphor further: what is the implied meaning of downward physical motion? Notice that such question is not entirely a musical one but a cultural-historical one. In many cultures, downness (as a spatial concept) is often associated with destructive forces that are threatening to life. The reason for such association might be surprisingly simple: prehistoric people observe that animals as well as fruits fall to the ground and rot in earth. For example, many cultures consider hell to be positioned underground, such that entering hell is equivalent to falling (whose meaning here is to be interpreted, in addition to its physical meaning, also in its biblical sense, as in Luke 10:18 (KJV) ``I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven'') or descent. In Dante's ``Inferno'', the connection between hell and descent is spelled out:
\begin{quote}
\centering
``Now let us descend into the blind world below,''
the poet said, appearing pale and drawn.
``I will be first, you second, as we go.''\autocite[37]{inferno}
\end{quote}
Therefore, to fall or to descent, is symbolic of entering the underworld. Now, the underworld is characterized by death and unknown, which cause moods underlying the unsettled feeling listeners perceive upon hearing the enigmatic F-sharp as part of the descending motion. Besides the semitone descent indicated in figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata comparison semitone relation}, the F-sharp is part of another descending motion: its containing phrase itself (see figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata descending scale}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T02_28_14-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, excerpt, annotated to indicate the descending scale}
\label{fig:liszt sonata descending scale}
\end{figure}
The two descending motions associated with F-sharp collectively contribute to listeners' emotional unrest. As a side note, the previous discussion of the biblical meaning of falling as well as Dante's literary work is intimately relevant to Liszt's compositions. In particular, Liszt's composition ``Dante sonata'' shows his acquaintance with Dante's literary works; additionally, his religious affiliation in his late years is evidence of his involvement in theology, and hence topics associated with the biblical idea of falling: death, sin, and demons. Moreover, rather ironically, Liszt is often portrayed as, albeit his religious devotion, a demonic figure, as a result of the Romantic era. During the Romantic era, musicians often invoke the imagery of the supernatural and the demonic to represent the Romantic spirit (it suffices to consider operas at the time by, for example, Weber and Meyerbeer to see the point). The rise of Romantic virtuoso intensifies such demonic obsession, to the extent that one often praise virtuosos as ``demonic possessor of all who heard him''.\autocite[268]{taruskin2009oxford_19century} For example, Taruskin makes the following remark about Paganini:
\begin{quote}
With his gaunt and gangling appearance and his demoniac temperament, Paganini almost single-handedly forged the romantic mystique of virtuosity as a superhuman, even diabolical endowment. He was Faust come to life---a role model for countless geniuses, charlatans, entertainers, and adolescents ever since his first appearances abroad.\autocite[254]{taruskin2009oxford_19century}
\end{quote}
As the leading virtuoso alongside Paganini at the time, Liszt received similar compliments:
\begin{quote}
As Liszt sat before the piano, the first impression of his personality was derived from the appearance of strong passions in his wan face, so that he seemed to me a demon nailed fast to the instrument whence the tones streamed forth -- they came from his blood, from his thoughts; he was a demon who would liberate his soul from thraldom\autocite{grove_liszt}
\end{quote}
Therefore, with the demonic obsession lurking around the Romantic era, as well as Liszt's personal acquaintance with theology and the Romantic virtuosity, it would be no exaggeration to say that the opening gesture of the B-minor sonata portrays devil's knocking on the door, and the descending motions represent the descent to hell. In fact, in a historically-informed perspective, such interpretation using the imagery of the supernatural and the demonic might be considered the preferred answer. As such, our emotional unrest is fully justified with little danger of intentional fallacy. Meanwhile, we should recognize that musically, the emotional unrest is partly due to the active process of comparison between the moment before the final movement and the very beginning, delineating a semitone descent illustrated in figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata comparison semitone relation}.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T13_08_42-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, the enharmonic reinterpretation at the beginning of the final movement}
\label{fig:liszt sonata enharmonic}
\end{figure}
On a positive note, the emotional unrest due to the F-sharp prepares the entrance of the final movement, which is characterized by an enharmonic reinterpretation of F-sharp (see figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata enharmonic}). Unlike the Beethoven example in which one is encouraged to use moments of silence to erase memories of previous movements, the moment before the enharmonic reinterpretation requires one to use all his/her mental power to synthesize heard materials in order to present the enharmonic reinterpretation. In particular, one asks the following series of questions:
\begin{itemize}
\item
How is the enharmonic reinterpretation a consequence of the semitone descent? In particular, how is the enharmonic reinterpretation related to the beginning of the piece?
\item
How is the enharmonic reinterpretation a result of four transformations (performers are consciously aware of them, since they are sources of confusion during memorization) of the descending scale (see figure \ref{fig:liszt sonata four scales})?
\item
How should we treat our emotional unrest due to descending motions and (metaphorically) demonic imagery at the moment of the enharmonic reinterpretation? Is it to be an act of casting out the demon or compromise?
\end{itemize}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-10T13_40_29-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Piano Sonata in B minor, S. 178, side by side comparison of four occurrences of the descending scale, note the difference in intervallic contents, first occurrence (top-left): 221222, second occurrence (top-right): 131131, third occurrence (bottom-left): 221222, fourth occurrence (bottom-right): 122211}
\label{fig:liszt sonata four scales}
\end{figure}
Therefore, moods, especially the emotional unrest from the previous movement, are necessarily carried over to the finale. Such emotional residue is precisely what makes Liszt's sonata a continuous and organic whole. It is true that in analysis we often use observations on the score (e.g.~thematic parallelism) as a basis of discussion. However, those observations alone do not entitle us to say that the piece is a continuous whole. Instead, the essence lies in their psychological effects: we say that the piece is a continuous whole because, through the use of compositional devices such as thematic parallelism, we are able to retain a single continuous flow of emotional states. In the Beethoven example above, as the finale starts, we can be assured that the sorrows found in the funeral march would not come back. However, in Liszt's sonata, we are unable to claim the same. Instead, materials from previous movements are, again, like a demon who lurks around haunted places, whose potential recurrence throughout the piece causes the interplay between our memory and anticipation.
\section{Tension-release as psychological narrative}
\label{section:tension-release as psychological narrative}
One outstanding feature of the analysis in section \ref{sec:liszt sonata} is that, as we discuss tension-release, we invariably focus on our emotional response to musical events. For example, a considerable portion of the analysis is to find musical explanation of what causes our emotional unrest upon hearing the recurrence of the opening gesture in measure 453. As a result, the analysis of the narrative using the concept of tension-release becomes an analysis of our own psyche. Instead of focusing on fictional characters and events that are core concepts in conventional narratology, our interest lies in the analysis of our emotional states in response to musical events.
Tension-release is not a property of music, but a property of our psyche in response to music. Therefore, if we are to find tension-release, it is nowhere to be found \emph{in} music but in our response to music. In other words, it does not make sense to talk about tension-bearing events or release-bearing events since tension-release is about our emotional reactions. For instance, in the dominant-tonic harmonic resolution as one of the textbook examples of tension-release, we often tend to label the dominant harmony using the term ``tension'' while labeling the tonic harmony using the term ``release''. However, such act of labeling shares the same potential pitfall as music notation itself: we tend to misunderstand the act of labeling. In particular, labeling a dominant harmony using the term ``tension'' serves as a convenient notational shorthand. However, the shorthand also suggests that tension is a property of the dominant harmony (simply by juxtaposing the spelled-out term ``tension'' next to the dominant harmony), whereas the full statement should be that tension is a property of our emotional state in response to the dominant harmony. Similar misunderstanding is found in natural languages: as a grammatical shorthand, we often say that ``this paper intends to discuss {[}\ldots{]}'', whereas the full statement we mean is expanded as ``the author intends to discuss {[}\ldots{]} through this paper''. In short, we are in danger of interpreting notational shorthand too literally, thus failing to see the full statement. For example, music in notated scores can mislead us into equating notation with music, which can be greatly limiting, as many of the lively features of music are suppressed by notation: where can we find the subtle rhythmic nuances when all we see are written notes enclosed by rigid bar lines?
Thus it is worth reiterating the psychological aspect of narrative. As most of analytical traditions (of almost all disciplines) invariably rely on notation-based systems, we are in danger of misinterpreting notations. In terms of narrative, the notations (in music, notated scores; in literature, sequence of written symbols) often draw our attention to notated symbols, instead of the lively quality behind notations (e.g.~rhythmic nuances behind notated bar lines) that is essential to music. In short, we are at the risk of focusing solely on notated symbols and symbolic manipulations as the object of study. Consequently, plot becomes sequence of events describing mere happenings; music analysis becomes a series of annotations. In both cases, we lose qualities that are quintessentially human: sentiments such as tenderness, struggle, and striving are nowhere to be found in plot-as-happening or music-analysis-as-annotation. In such context, tension-release comes to the rescue as it is an attempt to reiterate the psychological aspect of narrative. A narratology based on tension-release is then functioning as a reminder that the dynamics of narrative primarily lie in our psychological self. It is a reminder that narrative as story-telling is not about stories per se, but about how our emotions fluctuate in response to stories. In short, taking tension-release as the foundation of narratology highlights an important shift in mindset: the focus of the narrative is on the journey of the inner self.
To this end, physics offers, ironically, a more poetic interpretation of the world that we can borrow: the narrative of the world as time evolution of states. As discussed above, we are interested in the psychological aspect of narrative. Therefore, we can define narrative with the goal of capturing its psychological aspect as follows:
\begin{quote}
Narrative is time evolution of psychological states regulated by patterns of tension-release.
\end{quote}
One might be puzzled by the trajectory of our inquiry: how is it possible that we start with tension-release which is a concept mostly limited to music, and somehow take it as a universal (i.e.~applicable to all temporal arts) definition of narrative? In other words, it appears that defining narrative universally using the idea of tension-release is either contrived or a result of sheer luck. On the one hand, it may be contrived that we, as musicians, are biased toward tension-release as it is a familiar concept to musicians. As such, we insist on a biased view and assume that tension-release is equally important in other forms of narrative (such as literary narrative), even though the assumption might be false. On the other hand, suppose that tension-release is indeed acknowledged universally in all forms of narrative, then our discussion is too lucky to be reasonable: as musicians, we pick tension-release as the basis of discussing narrative solely for the sake of convenience, as it is a frequently discussed concept we are most familiar with. Somehow, it luckily has the explanatory power to be considered the universal definition of narrative, generalized to all temporal arts. In short, we are puzzled by the unusual explanatory power of tension-release found in music.
However, the unusual explanatory power of tension-release becomes understandable if we observe a special quality of music. When compared to other arts, music takes pride in its non-representational quality. Music, as a non-representational art, invariably directs our attention to the psychological side of the narrative. The reason is that non-representational art acts transparently on its artistic medium: it is transparent because there is no represented object standing in between the artwork and our psyche (metaphorically as opaque object which blocks light), so that the artwork can directly influence us, i.e.~can shed light on us.
In representational arts such as visual art and literature, we are overwhelmingly preoccupied (and to some extent, distracted) by the represented objects. For example, when we inspect a painting, our focus is on the objects being portrayed in the painting, such that the painting is representational of possible objects in reality. Consequently, we might overlook the psychological aspect of our artistic experience as an audience because our attention is directed to the world of the represented. Metaphorically, representational art is not transparent because the represented object stands in between the artwork (e.g.~the painting as a collection of photons that reaches our retina) and our psyche (i.e.~our emotional state): the artwork does not move us directly, as it must firstly make us cognize the objects being painted, for example, a scenery. Then, as we focus on the scenery, we are less aware of our psychological state. Therefore, when we are asked to describe the painting, we naturally describe what is painted, instead of what we feel.
On the contrary, upon encountering non-representational art such as music, our attention is directed to the \emph{representing} (i.e.~us who experience the work) instead of the \emph{represented}. The reason is simply that we are unable to find what is the represented object. We try to say a piece of music is about the represented objects, but what exactly is represented? The answer is much less obvious than with works of visual art. As music is non-representational, we are left with no choice but to focus on our inner world. We try to find what music depicts, yet invariably come to the realization that it reflects our inner world. Similarly for the topic of narrative in music, we ask: ``what is the story about''? For literature, we have a definitive answer: ``of course the story is about the interactions between characters, the journey of the protagonist, and the struggle of mankind''. However, for music, we are left speechless, and our despair is turned into the awareness and conscious exploration of our psychological world.
In short, the advantage of taking a musician's perspective is that the non-representational quality of music translates to our preference for the psychological aspect of narrative in music. Given the emphasis on our inner experience, we can make claims about narrative that are more universal. To understand this, we consider how statements concerning the psychological aspect of our experience can attain universality and generality, contrary to the intuitive view that subjective experience is mostly biased and unreliable. A statement concerning our subjective experience, such as describing music using tension-release, is in little danger of being subject to cultural relativism. In particular, few would challenge the fact that general emotions involved in our emotional responses to music are culture-independent (although the specific mechanisms underlying our emotional responses to music can be culture-dependent: listeners from different backgrounds might emotionally react to the same piece of music differently). Emotions such as anxiety, excitement and nostalgia are universal and well-understood across cultures and time periods. It is true that listeners are educated and nurtured to be accustomed to specific idioms of music which are culture-dependent (for example, one becomes sensitive to tonal resolution as a result of repeated exposure to tonal repertoire). Moreover, different musical idioms may employ distinct mechanisms to influence listener's psyche (for example, tonal music relies on tonality, while other traditions may focus on the rhythmic aspect of music). However, we note that despite differences in mechanisms, it is universally acknowledged that music has the power to emotionally move the listeners. For example, tension-release, in addition to being observed across all hierarchical levels (see page \pageref{idea:tension-release is observed across all hierarchical levels}), is also style-agnostic to the extent that it is observed across a majority of time periods (even though musicians in different time periods might have different interpretations and implementations of how tension-release is specifically achieved). We can use tension-release to describe medieval motets and post-tonal repertoire alike, in the same way we describe tonal music in terms of tension-release with the particular use of tonal resolutions. To this end, we may say that tension-release is a theme that stands the test of time. By contrast, if we use tonality as basis for discussing narrative in music, then it is necessarily style-sensitive because once we move to non-tonal music (either pre-tonal or post-tonal), the discussion falls victim to anachronism.
To sum up, our discussion conveniently starts with a musician's term: tension-release. However, the goal is ambitious as it tries to show that tension-release underlies all narratives universally. The universality of tension-release has its root in its emphasis on the psychological aspect of musical experience: music as narrative of our inner self (i.e.~time evolution of psychological states). Statements about the psychological aspect of our experience are universal because emotions are universal: as long as humans, as biological species, are concerned, emotions as a result of evolution (such as fear of the uncertain future and nostalgia of the lost past) are felt and understood universally. Finally, music is particularly interested in the psychological aspect of experience due to its special quality: music as an inherently non-representational art. That concludes a musician's derivation of what is essential in a narrative. One should notice that such derivation can be entirely independent without referencing any other disciplines. In short, the conclusion that tension-release is essential in a narrative can be a result of a purely musical discourse.
Rather surprisingly, musicians are not alone. The conclusion we have discussed is not singular to the field of music. The previous discussion is a unilateral assertion that tension-release is universally applicable to narratives in other art forms. If we now inspect other disciplines, in particular, literary studies as the de facto origin of narratology, we find similar trends: the shift in mindset that puts emphasis on the internal narrative of the reader. One may argue that such an observation is due to confirmation bias: we come to the belief that tension-release is essential in a narrative first, after which we selectively and actively search for evidence to our favor while disregarding everything else that does not confirm our bias. However, we should nevertheless acknowledge another possibility, that researchers in different fields independently arrive at the same statement, precisely because the statement is universal.
For example, in discussing literary narrative, Bridgeman points out that one should always keep in mind the crucial role of the reader's active world-building in response to the unfolding story:
\begin{quote}
Narratives unfold in time, and the past, present, and future of a given event or action affect our interpretation of that action, while the characters who populate narrative texts move around, inhabit and experience different spaces and locations, allowing readers to construct complex worlds in their minds. \autocite[52]{bridgeman_2007}
\end{quote}
As a side note, apart from the emphasis on the psychological aspect of narrative which this section extensively discusses, the word ``unfold'' should be particularly outstanding to readers familiar with Schenkerian analysis since a considerable portion of the theory focuses on the idea of unfolding. On the one hand, the term can be technical and mean specific compositional technique in Schenkerian analysis. In the Grove article on the very term ``unfolding'', the author defines it to be ``a method of Prolongation whereby the separate voices of a contrapuntal idea are amalgamated as a single line''.\autocite{grove_unfolding} On the other hand, we should note that it is also a beautiful metaphor full of poeticness: it represents the organic growth of prototypical music structures, through whose unfolding in time, fulfills the \emph{teleo} of music. It is more likely due to this poetic reason (instead of technical reason) that Schachter gives his Schenkerian treatise the title ``Unfoldings''\autocite{schachter1999unfoldings} (the same way this project is titled: arrow of time is a technical term, yet its poetic quality is what justifies its role as the main title). In fact, the parallelism inspired by the very term ``unfold'' extends further, such that with minor modifications we are able to transform Bridgeman's comment into a purely musical statement (see figure \ref{fig:literary statement to musical one} for a colored differentiation):
\begin{quote}
Music unfolds in time, and the past, present, and future of a given event or action affect our interpretation of that action, while the voices which populate music scores move around, inhabit and experience different keys and tonal areas, allowing listeners to construct complex worlds in their minds.
\end{quote}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-12T00_22_11-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A colored differentiation illustrating modification required to transform Bridgeman's literary statement into a musical one}
\label{fig:literary statement to musical one}
\end{figure}
It is worth reiterating that the transformed statement is not ad-hoc. Instead, it is a purely musical statement that can be naturally placed in the midst of any musical discourse. In fact, musicians frequently spell out the importance of temporal unfolding in relation to the interplay between the past and the future. For example, Lasser remarks that:
\begin{quote}
Music is a temporal art. It unfolds in time; its medium or canvas, as it were, is time. {[}\ldots{]} In music, the present is represented by the moment of listening, the past by memory, and the future by a set of constantly shifting expectations and predictions for the events to come.\autocite[3]{lasser2008}
\end{quote}
In more details, Bridgeman spells out the unifying theme underlying narratives bearing different styles and from different time periods:
\begin{quote}
Whatever the temporal patterns set out within fictional worlds - whether they are those of a nineteenth-century novel that moves toward a defined and anticipated ending, or whether they are those of a postmodern narrative, operating by disjunctions, loops, and effacements - it is inescapable that these patterns will be set against the reader's temporal experience of the text, founded on memory and anticipation. And the reader's attempt to relate these two kinds of temporality will be an important part of the effect of the text. \autocite[54]{bridgeman_2007}
\end{quote}
In a similar manner, we are able to replace a few words in order to transform this literary statement to a musical one. The reason we are able to transform with such little effort is that both statements share the same set of core concepts: audience's temporal experience of the artwork, and the interplay between memory and anticipation. Therefore, these core concepts (in addition to tension-release) are universal in that they are not only able to address narrative of different styles and time periods, but also different art forms such that music and literature are treated alike.
\section{Temporal asymmetry in narrative}
\label{section:temporal asymmetry in narrative}
At this point, we should be aware of the similarity between the two concepts discussed above: tension-release (introduced in section \ref{section:tension-release}) pertaining to the study of narrative, and arrow of time (introduced in section \ref{section:arrow of time}) pertaining to the history of the universe. They are two concepts whose similarity is warranted by the attribute of omnipresence. In other words, they are universally observed under different contexts: in an artistic discourse, tension-release is observed universally in narratives; whereas in a scientific discourse, arrow of time is observed universally in macroscopic physical phenomena.
It turns out that their universality may share the same root cause. We may speculate that tension-release and the arrow of time are two sides of the same coin. Specifically, they may concern the same thing which is described in different wordings as a result of distinct conventions employed by science and art. For example, the idea of transposition in music theory is essentially the same with the idea of translation in geometry (transposition literally becomes translation in geometric representations of pitch such as the Tonnetz): they both represent transformations that preserve the notion of ``distance'' (musically, intervallic relations). Therefore, we may say that the difference between transposition and translation is merely an issue of wording as a result of different historical developments.
To see how tension-release and the arrow of time may be ascribed to the same cause, we invoke a simple poetic metaphor:
\begin{quote}
\label{prop:history as narrative}
The history of the universe is nothing but another form of story-telling.
\end{quote}
This metaphor is an artist-centric one. Analogous to the Copernican revolution, it reverses the commonly perceived relation between the subjective (narrative as in art) and the objective (events as in science). Instead of describing story as a sequence of events on a physical basis (whose truth artists cannot deny), we treat the history of the universe artistically just as we treat music: a narrative whose dynamics are governed by the psychological construct of tension-release. Instead of entering another round of unfruitful philosophical debate on the topic of materialism versus idealism, it suffices to notice that the crux of the matter is discussed previously: both narrative and the history of the universe are expressed by the time evolution of something. Hence, the difference primarily lies in what this ``something'' refers to: it refers to the psychological state in expressing narrative, and to the physical state (in particular, the quantity called entropy) in expressing the history of the universe.
One particular concept that lies at the heart of both tension-release and the arrow of time is the interplay between memory and anticipation. We have discussed the concept in section \ref{section:epistemic difference between the past and the future} using the ideas that our epistemic access to the past and to the future consists of fundamentally different mechanisms. On the other hand, tension-release in narrative operates on the interplay between memory and anticipation. Besides the discussion of tension-release in section \ref{section:tension-release}, we further notice that it also of interest to literary studies:
\begin{quote}
It is important to consider the effects on the reader of temporal patterns. Sternberg is particularly interested in these, suggesting that we should consider the story - discourse relationship in terms of the universals of suspense, curiosity, and surprise, which are generated by the gaps between story time and discourse time (or communicative time). Suspense arises from the gap between what we have been told so far and what we anticipate lies ahead. Curiosity arises from the gap between what we have been told of the past and what else we imagine might have happened. Surprise arises when a twist in the order of narrative conceals from us an event which is subsequently revealed. For Sternberg, ``the play of suspense/curiosity/surprise between represented and communicative time'' defines narrativity.\autocite[54]{bridgeman_2007}
\end{quote}
According to Bridgeman's interpretation of Sternberg's ideas, the frequently used words for describing narratives, namely, suspense/curiosity/surprise (note how they all focus on the psychological aspect of narrative) correspond to different ways in which the past and the future interact, giving rise to the interplay between memory and anticipation.
Therefore, if we were to trace the origin of temporal asymmetry in narrative, it is to be found precisely in the psychological arrow of time. In particular, the epistemic access to the past through memory (as record-bearing devices) and to the future through anticipation (as predictions) differs fundamentally, so that narrative is shaped asymmetrically in time.
The meaning of temporal asymmetry is again twofold. We first recall the twofold statements in section \ref{section:further_decomposition}:
\begin{itemize}
\item
\textbf{Condition 1 (distinguishability)}: the future appears to be fundamentally different from the past.
\item
\textbf{Condition 2 (unique orientability)}: time invariably flows in the direction pointing to the future.
\end{itemize}
Now, the two conditions can be translated to the corresponding statements about narrative. In particular, we focus on two specific statements:
\begin{itemize}
\item
\textbf{Instantiation of condition 1 with respect to narrative}: components of narrative, depending on their temporal context within the narrative, exhibit different behaviors and perceptual effects.
\item
\textbf{Instantiation of condition 2 with respect to narrative}: placement of the climax is uniquely determined by the arrow of time.
\end{itemize}
The upcoming discussion is split into two sections in order to address these two statements individually.
\subsection{Distinguishability condition: perceptual difference due to temporal context}
\label{sec:distinguishability}
In a narrative, we observe that many of its parts are paired. Structurally, the beginning is paired with ending; poetically, rising is paired with falling; and musically, introduction is paired with coda (see section \ref{sec:op111}). As such, we are able to use these pairings to address musical topics in terms of dichotomy and duality in general. The above examples of pairing share a common feature that they relate similar constructs with opposite temporal features in terms of placement and direction (see figure \ref{fig:narrative structure symmetric}). In other words, we are interested in a special subset of paired constructs: parts of a narrative that are related by similar contents whose temporal placement and direction in the text are reversed with respect to an axis of symmetry. For example, rising and falling are placed at the opposite end of the narrative's timeline. Additionally, their directions are opposite in the sense that falling can be interpreted as the time-reversal of rising, which essentially undoes what is achieved by rising. Metaphorically, if rising is like playing a movie forward in time, then falling is rewinding the tape such that it is played backward in time.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-13T16_42_17-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A visual representation of the temporal relations between paired constructs. The two triangles represent paired constructs in narrative (e.g.~rising action and falling action). They are placed around the axis of symmetry (i.e.~the climactic moment of the story). Additionally, they form mirror images (one leads to another through flipping around the axis of symmetry).}
\label{fig:narrative structure symmetric}
\end{figure}
As illustrated in figure \ref{fig:narrative structure symmetric}, without considering the specific content of narrative, schematically they are often placed symmetrically around the axis of symmetry: the climactic moment. Visually, they are images mirrored about the axis of symmetry. Consequently, one may wonder: where does temporal asymmetry arise in this visually symmetric representation?
Asymmetry arises once we take into consideration contents of narrative. Paired constructs are different in nature, to the extent that we instinctively feel that the difference is not just in the mere rearrangement of the same thing (e.g.~take the plot of the rising action, reverse its course and copy it to the later part of the story). But rather, it should additionally be attributed to something else. Because of the rearrangement, paired constructs become entirely different things, to which we must employ completely different sets of premises, analytical methods, and perceptual attitudes as a consequence of the psychological arrow of time (i.e.~epistemic difference between the past and the future). Therefore, the factor contributing to our instinctive impulse, that the difference between paired constructs in narrative must be due to something else, is nothing other than the psychological arrow of time. Specifically, as the effect of the arrow of time, temporal rearrangement of events has the power to shape the very identity and definition of those events. In short, paired constructs may be similar in content, yet the difference in temporal context render them entirely different in identity. To clarify the point, we consider two examples.
Consider an apple placed on a table. If we move it to the floor and rotate it such that it is placed up-side-down, it is still an apple, in the sense that nothing significant about its identity has changed. Therefore, we call the act of moving and rotating the apple \emph{mere} rearrangement because the identity of the apple remains unaffected by such spatial rearrangement. However, if we take into consideration temporal context by putting the apple into a narrative unfolding in time (for example, as in the snow white fairy tale), the very occurrence of an apple at different places in the plot makes it no longer the same apple, because the psychological arrow of time alters its significance so strongly such that its identity changes. The physical object called apple appearing in a conspiring scene is, with respect to the narrative structure, considered a completely different symbolic object from the exact same physical object appearing in the happy ending. Therefore, we recognize the difference between apple-in-conspiring-scene and apple-in-happy-ending to the extent that the physical object of apple becomes a dramatic placeholder: whether it is an apple or donut is irrelevant to the narrative. The crux of the matter is that, the psychological aspect of narrative (e.g.~memory and anticipation, tension-release) is so crucial that the arrangement of events has the power to define these events. For the apple, when appearing at two places in the plot, we acknowledge that it is the same (physical) object at different moments. Nevertheless, because narrative depends so heavily on the interplay between our memory and anticipation, our psychological perception takes precedence in defining the object (i.e.~the apple). As such, the apple appearing at different places in the plot is interpreted differently, whose psychological interpretation \emph{is} its dramatic definition.
Therefore, the same plot in terms of the content of events, can be interpreted and defined in drastically different terms, as an effect of temporal asymmetry, under different placements. For another example, consider the following hypothetical story:
\begin{quote}
The protagonist is practicing one of Chopin's nocturnes at home. He/she then stops practicing and enters the kitchen. In the kitchen, he/she finds that the oven has caught fire, as a result of his/her experimenting with a new recipe: a giant donut. Luckily the fire is not severe, so that the protagonist puts out the fire using a fire extinguisher. He/she then leaves the kitchen and starts practicing. The protagonist is practicing one of Chopin's nocturnes.
\end{quote}
This story is simplified and reduced to absurdity in order to highlight the palindrome-like construction (or in musical terms, following an ABA form). In particular, we should note that the first and last sentences are identical, therefore consisting of identical events: practicing one of Chopin's nocturnes. If one is to adapt the story to a film, the footage for the beginning and ending can be conveniently reused. Therefore, when the nocturne practicing scene is inspected in isolation (i.e.~without considering the narrative context in terms of what comes before and after), the beginning and the ending are identical in content. However, when we interpret the story as a whole, i.e.~when every event occurs in relation to the rest of the story, the scene of nocturne practicing differs as its placement in the story varies. When the nocturne is heard again after the event that the kitchen is caught on fire, our perceptual attitude has changed drastically. We see that the protagonist is practicing a nocturne, but given what has happened previously, we have additional sentiments mixed in. In addition to enjoying the tranquility of the nocturne, we are at the same time concerned about the donut part: is the fire completely extinguished? Does the overbaked donut smell bad such that it makes the nocturne sound like a donut nocturne (analogous to the coffee cantata by Bach)? Therefore, juxtaposing the nocturne scene with our concerns about the kitchen makes the moment particularly absurd (even comical). The simple tranquility of the nocturne found in the opening scene is completely lost . Instead, one interprets the musical beauty of nocturne as an irony. It is for the same reason that in constructing horror movies, one typical technique is to create a surreally quiet scene after the terrifyingly turbulent scene one commonly associate with the category of horror movies. However, such quietness in the context of the story is exceptionally disquieting because it highlights the terrifying aspect of quietness: the fear of uncertainty.
Therefore, in analyzing narrative structures, we must be careful with identifying and labeling structural components. One potential pitfall is to neglect temporal context that is, as discussed above, the defining feature of structural components. In fact, we observe similar ideas in music analysis: students are repeatedly reminded that harmonic analysis is not about mere labeling, in Roman numerals, of vertical chords in isolation. Instead, one must actively interpret each chord in the context of its surrounding passage in order to define its identity at all. On the other hand, if we are given an analysis, then we must interpret the written symbols (e.g.~the written symbols ``ABA'' in rounded binary form or sonata form represent an analysis of formal structures) with care. In particular, we must be careful not to interpret the equality of written symbols too literally. For example, in using the written symbols ``ABA'' to describe a piece's formal structure, we are in danger of claiming that A section (before B) is somehow the same as A section (after B) because they are represented by the same written symbols, namely, A. Granted that symbol-wise equality does not imply literal equality, we are able to observe temporal asymmetry that is often disguised, borrowing Riemann's wording, ``under the cloak of''\autocite[22]{riemann1895harmony} apparent symmetry.
Literary analysis of narrative, surprisingly (or unsurprisingly, since all temporal arts are instances of narrative), addresses ideas similar to the ABA form in music. In his ``Structural analysis of narrative'', Todorov proposes a schematic model that can be characterized by a threefold division: equilibrium-disequilibrium-equilibrium. Specifically:
\begin{quote}
The minimal complete plot can be seen as the shift from one equilibrium to another. This term ``equilibrium,'' which I am borrowing from genetic psychology, means the existence of a stable but not static relation between the members of a society; it is a social law, a rule of the game, a particular system of exchange. The two moments of equilibrium, similar and different, are separated by a period of imbalance, which is composed of a process of degeneration and a process of improvement.\autocite[75]{structural_analysis_of_narrative}
\end{quote}
Musicians should immediately recognize that this is a statement also suitable for describing the ABA ternary form in music. In particular, when interpreting equilibrium in its music-theoretic term as harmonic stability, disequilibrium as harmonic instability, one recovers the basic design principle of sonata-allegro form: the exposition (expressing harmonic stability), the development (expressing harmonic instability), and the recapitulation (expressing harmonic stability) form the outline of sonata-allegro form commonly labeled as ABA.
Now, both the equilibrium-disequilibrium-equilibrium model in literary analysis as well as the ABA form in music analysis fall victim to the rigidity of notation. Firstly, written symbols are necessarily reductions, and in the process of reduction we may lose crucial information so that the description fails to capture essential aspects of narrative (i.e.~temporal context). In particular, as discussed above, we tend to interpret symbolic equality too literally: when we label two events in a sequence using the same written symbol (e.g.~equilibrium and symbol ``A''), we acknowledge that there must be substantial parallelism between the events that justify our use of the same written symbol to denote the events. However, it can lead us into overlooking contextual information not encoded by the symbols alone (since we tend to think that symbolic representations \emph{are} the universe of discourse). Therefore, when examining the two occurrences of equilibrium in a narrative, noticing the recurrence of the equilibrium state is certainly interesting, yet it is more crucial to notice the difference between the two occurrences:
\begin{quote}
Sequence is perceived by the reader as a finished story; it is the minimal narrative in a completed form. This impression of completion is caused by a modified repetition of the initial clause; the first and the last clause will be identical but they will either have a different mood or status, for instance, or they will be seen from different points of view.\autocite[74]{structural_analysis_of_narrative}
\end{quote}
Two keywords here are, borrowing Cooper and Meyer's wording, ``marked for consciousness''.\autocite[8]{cooper_meyer_1960} The first is the idea of a modified repetition. Temporal asymmetry in narrative is partly a result from modified repetition, such that in ABA form, the two occurrences of A section constitute a variation in the literal sense: modified content. For example, in sonata-allegro form, the recapitulation is a restatement of the exposition. However, the restatement is never exact in content. One of the construction scheme for the exposition section is that the music has to purposefully go to the ``wrong'' state (e.g.~modulating to the dominant) such that the ``mistake'' is to be ``corrected'' (e.g.~cadence in the tonic) in the recapitulation. Therefore, the recapitulation, in terms of the musical content (i.e tonal trajectory), is a modified repetition of the exposition (or inversely, the exposition is the modified version of the recapitulation, since the exposition is more ``abnormal'').
The second keyword is the idea of ``different points of view''. As illustrated above, even when recurrence is literal, i.e.~containing literally the same content, the identity of the same event varies as its temporal placement (i.e.~temporal context) in the plot differs. In Todorov's view, the difference is attributed to different points of view. One may interpret the meaning of ``points of view'' literally, such that different points of view amount to different in-story characters' perspectives: characters Alice and Eve witness the same event to produce two points of view called ``Alice's recounting'' and ``Eve's recounting''. However, a more universal approach is to take the result of our previous discussion, that narrative is shaped by the experience of its audience, such that the psychological metanarrative of the reader is the defining feature of narrative. In this case, the source of different points of view is nothing other than the very psychological arrow of time.
The threefold division of equilibrium-disequilibrium-equilibrium echoes the literary tradition of trilogy, in that the division into three is a prominent theme found in many literary practices. One may argue that the particular interest in threefold division is attributable to the theological (more precisely, Christian) notion of trinity. However, such claim cannot hold once we realize that such tradition is also observed in pre-Christian time periods. To trace its root, one may observe Aristotle's ``Poetics'', in which he characterizes the narrative structure of a tragedy:
\begin{quote}
Tragedy is an imitation of an action that is complete, and whole, and of a certain magnitude; for there may be a whole that is wanting in magnitude. A whole is that which has a beginning, a middle, and an end.\autocite[31]{aristotle_poetics}
\end{quote}
One should be perplexed: why would Aristotle spell out such a self-evident statement? We all know that a story, by definition, has a beginning, a middle, and an end. To spell out the threefold division is analogous to spelling out the statement ``something called the Manhattan school of music is a school of music located in Manhattan''. However, in the absurdly self-evident statement addressing the threefold division of a tragedy, Aristotle has a point. He then explicates each of the dramatic components:
\begin{quote}
A beginning is that which does not itself follow anything by causal necessity, but after which something naturally is or comes to be. An end, on the contrary, is that which itself naturally follows some other thing, either by necessity, or as a rule, but has nothing following it. A middle is that which follows something as some other thing follows it. A well constructed plot, therefore, must neither begin nor end at haphazard, but conform to these principles.\autocite[31]{aristotle_poetics}
\end{quote}
After the explication, the self-evident statement of stories having threefold division is no longer trivial. In particular, Aristotle hints upon the temporal asymmetry in the construction scheme of the tragedy (or of all narratives unfolding in time). In particular, his explanation points out the difference between the three parts as the sole effect of the arrow of time. It is the sole effect of the arrow of time because the statement does not mention any content but focuses on the pure form of dramatic structure. We translate the statement as follows:
\begin{itemize}
\item
``A beginning is that which does not itself follow anything by causal necessity, but after which something naturally is or comes to be'': nothing appears prior to the beginning because of our lack of the epistemic access to the past (i.e.~no record-bearing devices available), therefore at this moment, the narrative is solely governed by our anticipation.
\item
``A middle is that which follows something as some other thing follows it'': at this moment, we have epistemic access to both the past and the future through memory (as record-bearing devices) and anticipation (as predictions).
\item
``An end, on the contrary, is that which itself naturally follows some other thing, either by necessity, or as a rule, but has nothing following it'': as a narrative unfolds, our memory of the past (of the story) accumulates, resulting in a reversal between memory and anticipation in terms of their roles. In contrast to the beginning, now our epistemic access to the past outweighs that to the future.
\end{itemize}
In summary, beginning-middle-ending as the interplay between memory and anticipation can be visualized using a schematic graph (see figure \ref{fig:narrative memory anticipation}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-15T15_05_10-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A generalized model of narrative in terms of the interaction between memory and anticipation}
\label{fig:narrative memory anticipation}
\end{figure}
Therefore, Aristotle's statement can be transformed in a way to indicate non-trivial conclusions: constructing a narrative which is complete with respect to beginning-middle-ending, is equivalent to the construction of the narrative as time evolution of psychological states, whose dramatic ``equations of motion'' (as transition between states) are subject to the laws specified by the arrow of time.
\subsection{Unique orientability condition: placement of the climax}
\label{section:unique orientability}
Whenever we invoke the metaphor of the arrow, we often perceive a sense of force that pushes whatever object of interest along the direction of the arrow. On a less metaphorical level, we may interpret ``force'' and ``object'' literally, such that we recover the visual notion for the concept of force field in physics: at each point in space, we assign an arrow to visually represent the underlying force at that point in space. As a result, if we put a hypothetical particle in the visualization, it would be literally pushed by the arrow. The use of arrow becomes valuable pedagogically because it captures the essential qualities of force: arrow, like the force it represents, has direction and magnitude.
Therefore, when discussing arrow of time as a metaphor, we also imagine a sort of force (call it musical force for music, and dramatic force for theatrical art) that pushes the object called ``climax'' along the direction of time's arrow, producing a skewed shape (see figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement}). Therefore, in musician's terms, the climax is delayed.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.7\textwidth]{res/2021-11-14T22_54_40-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Visual illustration of temporal asymmetry represented by temporal displacement of the climax, producing a skewed shape}
\label{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement}
\end{figure}
In fact, delaying the climactic point is one of the most canonical forms of temporal asymmetry. By the term canonical here, we mean intuitive. The visualization illustrated in figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement} captures the everyday meaning of asymmetry in the following sense. If we are to teach the term asymmetry to a five-year-old (in the spirit of ``explain like I'm five'' internet trend, where ``an online community provides answers to questions which are comprehensible by five year olds''\autocite{eli5}), the most intuitive method would be a pictorial illustration similar to figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement}: a skewed shape such that after flipping it, the resulted shape does not overlap the original one. In other words, the visually skewed shape is the most intuitive representation of asymmetry in everyday life.
Before discussing temporal asymmetry as delaying the climax, we should observe that the visualization in figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement} has another metaphorical implication: the shape resembles a pyramid. Now, the use of pyramidal structure as a visual representation is spelled out in dramatic studies due to its descriptive utility. For example, in Freytag's ``Technique of the drama'', the author spells out the use of a pyramidal structure:
\begin{quote}
{[}The{]} drama possesses --- if one may symbolize its arrangement by lines a pyramidal structure.\autocite[114]{freytag1895technique}
\end{quote}
With the visual representation of a pyramidal structure, the author models the narrative scheme of a five-act drama as follows:
\begin{quote}
{[}The drama{]} rises from the introduction with the entrance of the exciting forces to the climax, and falls from here to the catastrophe. Between these three parts lie (the parts of) the rise and the fall.\autocite[114]{freytag1895technique}
\end{quote}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.3\textwidth]{res/2021-11-15-01-43-05.png}
\caption{The pyramidal structure of a five-act drama (figure in original text of ``Technique of the drama''), quoting Freytag's words: ``These parts of the drama, (a) introduction, (b) rise, (c) climax, (d) return or fall, (e) catastrophe, have each what is peculiar in purpose and in construction.''}
\label{fig:freytag pyramid}
\end{figure}
In the illustration (see figure \ref{fig:freytag pyramid}), apart from the five parts labeled by letters, he further introduces three structural moments:
\begin{quote}
Between them stand three important scenic effects, through which the parts are separated as well as bound together. Of these three dramatic moments, or crises, one which indicates the beginning of the stirring action, stands between the introduction and the rise; the second, the beginning of the counteraction, between the climax and the return; the third, which must rise once more before the catastrophe, between the return and the catastrophe. They are called here the exciting moment or force, the tragic moment or force, and the moment or force of the last suspense. The operation of the first is necessary to every play; the second and third are good but not indispensable accessories.\autocite[115]{freytag1895technique}
\end{quote}
In sum, Freytag's dramatic model consists of eight constructs: five parts in addition to three structural moments. Given the dramatic model in the context of our discussion, a natural question to ask is: where does temporal asymmetry arise? Similar to the discussion of equilibrium-disequilibrium-equilibrium above, the schematic description as a simplification appears symmetrical visually, such that the third part (namely, climax) stands as the midpoint of the plot. However, the symmetry exists only in its visually simplified form. If we consider the dramatic model (as form) in relation to its content (or in Schenkerian-style terminology, elaboration), we are able to discover temporal asymmetry at a more specific level of organization (or in Schenkerian-style terminology, foreground level). Now, the three structural moments (or crises in Freytag's terminology) concern more specific dramatic structures than the five parts, and the reason is intuitive: the five parts concern portions of the drama spanning large timespans, whereas the three crises are dramatic moments concerning instantaneous timepoints. Therefore, the five parts govern larger (in terms of timespans) dramatic structures than the three crises (in terms of timepoints, which can be interpreted as zero-length timespans).
As our focus shifts to the three crises, we notice that their distribution within the five parts is uneven: between the beginning and the climax there is only one moment of crisis, whereas the other two moments of crisis are placed in between the climax and the ending (see figure \ref{fig:freytag pyramid reproduced}). As we examine the placement of the three crisis, we observe that the asymmetry is solely due to one missing piece: the moment between the rising action and the climax. In other words, by adding the moment between the rising action and the climax as the fourth crisis, we are able to recover a symmetrical scheme: two crises before the climax, corresponding to two crises after the climax.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-15T19_02_25-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A reproduction of figure \ref{fig:freytag pyramid}, annotated in red to highlight the placement of the three structural moments}
\label{fig:freytag pyramid reproduced}
\end{figure}
We can already observe temporal asymmetry if we consider the substructure delineated by the three crises alone. By substructure, we mean that the story begins with the first crisis and ends on the third crisis (see figure \ref{fig:pyramidal substructure}). In other words, the story is to be read without the introduction or the conclusion. Musicians can imagine analogous case where a piece is performed with the introduction and the coda (if applicable) omitted. Even though the piece is by definition no longer complete, we are still able to capture essential features of the piece in the remaining parts. Now, such substructure when considered on its own, exhibits temporal asymmetry similar to that depicted in figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement}: a skewed shape as a result of delaying the climax.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-16T01_30_41-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Substructure of a five-part drama delineated by three crises, substructure enclosed by red rectangle, whose narrative is depicted by dotted lines}
\label{fig:pyramidal substructure}
\end{figure}
Why would there be a missing crisis whose presence can conveniently achieve a symmetric description of the dramatic structure? One potential answer is an intuitive one: because the arrival of the climax admits no possibility for any scenic effect. The sheer dramatic force at the climax denies any form of flowery elaborations: it must continue the course of the rising action in the most direct and powerful manner, with whose raw dramatic power any scenic elaboration would be considered distractions. Performers are familiar with this idea that climax must be un-elaborated: in order to bring out the utmost climactic point of the piece, one must refrain from detailed nuanced interpretation in detail. For example, consider Liszt's transcendental etude no. 10. Among the 12 transcendental etudes, no. 10 stands out as it contains no programmatic title, therefore we may claim that the piece makes up a purely musical narrative. Now, its climax is located unambiguously: a series of repeating octaves with written-in accelerando and the semitone descent in the left hand musically cry out the climax on measure 126 (see figure \ref{fig:liszt etude 10 climax}), as if the repeating octaves in the right hand are performers pounding on the blackboard to tell the audience: ``wake up folks! You do not want to sleep through the upcoming passage''.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.9\textwidth]{res/2021-11-15T21_57_24-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Liszt, Transcendental Etudes No.~10, S.139, excerpt, annotated to highlight the climactic point and its preparation}
\label{fig:liszt etude 10 climax}
\end{figure}
For performers, one of the effective strategies is to arrive at the climax on measure 126 in a straightforward manner, interpreting the crescendo, written-in octave repetition and descending semitone in their simplest and most literal form, thus conveying a sense of uninterrupted momentum. It would be utterly absurd to introduce nuanced timing or dynamics (for example, rubato in the right hand or a series of half-measure long crescendos in the left hand) with the hope to achieve somewhat magical effects. In other words, attempts to express any scenic effect before the climax often leads to disappointment in its literal sense: a ruined performance. Listeners are disappointed by the fact that the performance of the climax does not meet listeners' expectation, as the climax is the one of a few places one cannot use tricks such as evading (as in evading cadence) anticipated arrivals.
The three crises in the dramatic structure all convey a sense of dramatic turning, such that the contour of the plot changes. For example, the first crisis (namely, the exciting force) occurs at ``a point where, in the soul of the hero, there arises a feeling or volition which becomes the occasion of what follows; or where the counter-play resolves to use its lever to set the hero in motion''.\autocite[121]{freytag1895technique} Therefore, contour of the plot changes from an uneventful state of life to an agitated one (albeit initially small in degree). The second crisis (namely, the tragic force) presents a reversal of the plot's contour, where the ``tragic force, the banishment, begins here; what seems about to become the highest elevation of the hero, becomes by his untamable pride just the opposite; he is overthrown''.\autocite[131]{freytag1895technique} Finally, the third crisis (namely, the force of the final suspense) is another twist of the plot that reverses, albeit falsely, the contour of the plot. It is a moment in which:
\begin{quote}
Just at the time when the weight of an evil destiny has already long burdened the hero, for whom the active sympathy of the audience is hoping relief, although rational consideration makes the inherent necessity of his destruction very evident, -- in such a case, it is an old, unpretentious poetic device, to give the audience for a few moments a prospect of relief. This is done by means of a new, slight suspense; a slight hindrance, a distant possibility of a happy release, is thrown in the way of the already indicated direction of the end.\autocite[136]{freytag1895technique}
\end{quote}
As discussed above, would be inappropriate to place the fourth crisis between the rising action and the climax because it does not contain any dramatic turning points. On the contrary, the moment between the rising action and the climax requires the forceful continuation of the rising action which asserts the existing contour of plot, instead of reversing its course.
The unequal distribution of the three crises among the five parts puts a heavy emphasis on the second half of the plot since it is more eventful that the first half: containing two structural moments of crises instead of one. To this end, we obtain a kind of temporal asymmetry without referring to specific temporal proportions: even with the assumption that the climax part lies at the midpoint dividing the plot into two equal halves, we can still conclude that the second half is dramatically more important. In particular, the combination of the climax (the midpoint of the play) and the tragic force (in the second half) constitutes the dramatic highlight of the entire play:
\begin{quote}
In the case where the climax is connected with the downward movement by a tragic force, the structure of the drama presents something peculiar, through the juxtaposition of two important passages which stand in sharp contrast with each other. \autocite[130]{freytag1895technique}
\end{quote}
Consequently, the climax along with the tragic force that follows it ``gives to the drama with tragic force a magnitude and expanse of the middle part, which -- if the playful comparison of the lines may be carried out, -- changes the pyramidal form into one with a double apex''.\autocite[132]{freytag1895technique} The implied temporal asymmetry is increasingly obvious by now.
Firstly, why is there no counterpart to the combination of the climax and the tragic force? Could there be some analogous combination of the climax and something that precedes the climax? As discussed above, such grouping is nonsensical because there is no structural moment preceding the climax that is adjacent to it (the exciting force is between the introduction and the rising movement). In other words, there is no time-reversal equivalent to the climax/tragic force combination, which is exactly the condition of temporal asymmetry discussed in section \ref{sec:distinguishability}: dramatic constructs behave differently under different temporal context. In this case, the tragic force behaves differently from its counterpart (which is the hypothetical dramatic moment between the rising action and the climax) because its counterpart does not exist at all.
Secondly, in the case of ``double apex'' mentioned by Freytag, what is the implication? One interpretation is that the tragic force is of equal importance to the climax. As such, we may modify figure \ref{fig:freytag pyramid reproduced} such that it gives the tragic force its own apex as well as turning the climax into a continuously intensifying part attaining ``magnitude and expanse''\autocite[132]{freytag1895technique} (see figure \ref{fig:pyramidal structure double apex}). Consequently, the underlying shape of the dramatic structure is skewed (see dotted lines in figure \ref{fig:pyramidal structure double apex}) because we take into consideration the second crisis (i.e.~tragic force), which invariably alters the dramatic structure, achieving similar effects to delaying the climax as in figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement}.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-16T01_07_16-05_00.pdf}
\caption{The pyramidal structure transformed into a double-apex structure by putting emphasis on the second crisis, as a result, the underlying structure (notated in dotted lines) is skewed, achieving similar effects to delaying the climax}
\label{fig:pyramidal structure double apex}
\end{figure}
\part*{Interlude}
\addcontentsline{toc}{part}{Interlude}
\chapter{Organicism}
\label{chapter:organicism}
\epigraph{Running brooks, poetry, and music reflect our exuberant life, above which the spectre of time hovers}
Music and the arrow of time meet in the middle: the organic and lively quality of life.
Readers should notice that throughout the paper, the discussion of time (temporal asymmetry in particular) is often accompanied by a certain lively quality. For example, in section \ref{sec:narrative as foundation}, we discussed the consequence of using narrative as a metaphor for music: music can be interpreted as a journey. One of the unique features of journey is that it contains a sense of proactive force: the protagonist embarking on the journey proactively experience and participate in the journey. Therefore we are entitled to call a series of event a journey instead of mere happenings: the additional property of a journey that differentiates itself from mere happenings as in planetary motion is the very proactive force, signaling the presence of life behind events.
Metaphorically, the lively quality is spectre-like in our discussion: it appears from time to time, as if it constantly lingers, ready to make its appearance. Like in a typical horror movie, the spectre appears constantly yet randomly, such that the protagonist encounters it at unexpected places: in recurring nightmares, under the table, in the closet, in the mirror, and most importantly, in the heart of the audience.
It is then natural to ask: why does organicness make its frequent appearance in our discussion of temporal asymmetry in music? The reason is that it is native to the discussion of both time and music. The term ``native'' means the following. On the one hand, without explicitly invoking the notion of temporal asymmetry, organicism is discussed in music on an everyday basis. On the other hand, in a conversation concerning the arrow of time in physics, without mentioning music at all, we are also justified to discuss the relationship between the arrow of time and life. Therefore, in order to better understand the topic of temporal asymmetry as it relates to music, it is helpful to survey a more complete picture: the pairwise relationships between music, arrow of time, and life.
Both music and the arrow of time are intimately related to the concept of life. More precisely, the arrow of time gives rise to essential features of both music and life. For music, the arrow of time governs the course of its narrative, in such a way that our psychological and emotional states fluctuate accordingly. For life, the arrow of time governs the life cycle of every organism, in such a way that it gives rise to birth, death, and resurrection. Poetically, we may equally say that the life cycle of organism is nothing but another instance of narrative, just as we previously claimed that the history of the universe is also a narrative (see page \pageref{prop:history as narrative}). A probably more interestingly and frequently discussed topic is the third pair: the relationship between music and life.
\section{Organicism in music}
Unlike the arrow of time, the term organicism has been extensively discussed in the field of music. Consequently, upon hearing the word, we construe it as a notion native to music instead of a term borrowed from other fields. It is universally acknowledged that music should be organic, yet what constitutes the organicness of music is where meaningful debates and discourses in music unfold (no pun intended).
Arguably, performers are most familiar with and sensitive to the organic quality in music due to the nature of stage performance. The act of performing on stage depends so crucially on the lively quality of music without which the performance becomes indifferent to a MIDI rendition of notes. This is not to say that composers, analysts and theorists are less aware of the organic quality of music. However, one must notice again the potential pitfalls entailed by notation: as composers, analysts and theorists must approach music \emph{through} notated symbols, one is in danger of becoming preoccupied by symbolic manipulations and failing to recognize the immediate emotional impact of music. For example, in harmonic analysis, upon repeated labeling of notated symbols using terms such as ``dominant/predominant/tonic'', we are in danger of forgetting the very emotional effects behind those terms, such that emotionally moving excerpts causing tension and release in our heart are reduced to repeated occurrences of annotations in terms of the pattern ``PD-D-T''. For performers, because there is no notation standing in between the music and the performer, the performer is in direct contact with the emotional impact of the music. It is true that performers might become desensitized of the emotional impact due to repeated practice. However, the sounding of a dominant-tonic resolution can never be reduced to anything but the very feeling of tension and release.
For performers, what exactly is considered organic in music? There is no universally acknowledged answer, not because it is a vague and ill-defined concept, but because it is all-encompassing. For performers, the organic quality is discussed on an everyday basis. We may even claim that the \emph{only} criterion for good performance is to make the music come to life. Such criterion entails all conditions required for good performance: technical proficiency, musical sincerity, naturality of phrasing and breathing, nuanced timing and dynamics, and so on. While presenting the concept of organicness as the all-encompassing quality characterizing musical beauty is certainly poetic, it nevertheless informs us little of what organicism in music is practically about. It is true that one can invoke statement in the style of theology (see section \ref{section:theology}), that the all-encompassing power of the organic quality in music is too great to be comprehended by human rationality. Therefore, the statement continues, the best way to comprehend organicness in music is through spirituality: close your eyes, and let your imagination and tender heart guide you in finding the liveliness of music. In short, organicness in music may be considered resistant to verbal description. It is certainly an artistically valid statement, as verbal description, being another form of notated symbols, is inherently limiting insofar as stage performance is concerned.
Among music scholars and composers whose analytical tradition necessarily involves notated symbols, the notion of organicness is more varying and specific. Here, we enumerate four aspects of organicism in music. Due to the vast number of interpretations, the enumeration here is deemed incomplete. However, it aims to capture properties essential for music to be considered organic, thus potentially providing a better understanding of the term:
\begin{itemize}
\item
\textbf{Organicist condition 1 (growth)}: the process of music unfolding in time should be considered analogous to the biological growth of a living organism.
\item
\textbf{Organicist condition 2 (purposiveness)}: the process of music unfolding in time should be goal-oriented, thereby fulfilling certain purposes.
\item
\textbf{Organicist condition 3 (holism)}: the process of music unfolding in time should be considered an organic unity, which cannot be reduced to sum of its parts.
\item
\textbf{Organicist condition 4 (motion)}: the process of music unfolding in time should be considered as expressing some kind of motion.
\end{itemize}
Before discussing each condition in detail, we should observe that all four conditions are in close relation to temporal asymmetry: growth, purposiveness and motion all entail a sense of directionality and tendency in time. Specifically, when we discuss growth in its biological sense, the growing object grows \emph{into} something; when a process is purposive, then it is goal-oriented to \emph{arrive at} some purpose-fulfilling events; finally, the directionality of motion is self-evident. It remains to show that the holism condition relates to temporal asymmetry, which will be discussed in section \ref{section:music as organic whole}. It is true that the four conditions are selected partly because they can echo the theme of this project. However, this does not mean that the four selected conditions are ad-hoc. Akin to the discussion of narrative: we pick tension-release as the generalized definition of narrative, firstly because it is conveniently a musician's concept. Secondly, nevertheless, it is, regardless of its etymological origin and the author's subjective bias, effective in characterizing narrative from a more universal and psychological perspective.
\subsection{Music as organic growth}
\label{section:music as growth}
The metaphor of biological growth is arguably the most intuitive interpretation of organicism in music: organicism as organism-like, with biological growth and reproduction as two evident features of organisms. Therefore, by analogy, we interpret a piece of music in terms of its narrative as a process of organic growth. The word unfolding is particularly useful metaphorically: a motive can be interpreted as an embryo or a seed, from which the leaves and flowers are unfolded (literally, as flowers un-fold when they blossom) and expanded from this single seed.
Biologically, one of the most outstanding features of organic growth is the singleness of genetic encoding. The entirety of an organism is developed based on a single DNA serving as the grand blueprint for the embryonic development. The variety of organs in an organism is nothing but different expressions of the same DNA, through the magical process called cell specialization by which undifferentiated prototypical stem cells are specialized and turned into cells needed for individual parts: heart, muscles, bones, and so on.
Consequently, for organism, we have a peculiarly counterintuitive observation: the part is at the same time contained in the whole and containing the whole. Therefore, given any cell, we can infer the following two statements: 1) it is contained in some part of the organism; 2) it contains the DNA which can generate the entire organism.
The two statements above precisely echo Schoenberg's remark on motive:
\begin{quote}
{[}The motive{]} includes elements, at least, of every subsequent musical figure, one could consider it the `smallest common multiple'. And since it is included in every subsequent figure, it could be considered the `greatest common factor'.\autocite[9]{schoenberg1970}
\end{quote}
Without invoking the biological metaphor, we might be perplexed by Schoenberg's remark as it uses vague terms such as smallest common multiple and greatest common factor whose mathematical meaning does not quite apply here. However, with the two statements given above, we can immediately see the correspondence (hence explanation):
\begin{itemize}
\item
``{[}The motive{]} includes elements, at least, of every subsequent musical figure'': the motive is like DNA, which can generate all subsequent cells of an organism. Therefore, the part contains the whole.
\item
``it is included in every subsequent figure'': the motive is like DNA, whose exact copy is found in every subsequent cell it generates. Therefore, the whole contains the part.
\end{itemize}
As Schoenberg's remark illustrates, the concept of organic growth is one of the justifications for motivic development. The motive as the atomic musical unit is ``often considered the `germ' of the idea'',\autocite[8]{schoenberg1970} from which the piece grows and develops to the extent that ``almost every figure within a piece reveals some relationship to it''.\autocite[8]{schoenberg1970}
Such idea is not unique to Schoenberg. As Cook remarks in his ``epistemologies of music theory'', the ``aesthetic model of `unity in diversity'"\autocite[83]{cook2002epistemologies} is not limited to Schoenberg's theoretical thinking:
\begin{quote}
{[}It{]} is remarkable how many twentieth-century music theorists specifically refer to {[}the aesthetic model of ``unity in diversity''{]} -- among them not only Schoenberg's followers (Keller and Walker as well as Réti) but also Schenker, as most notably expressed in the motto ``semper idem sed non eodem modo'' (always the same, but not in the same way) displayed between divisions in the second volume of \emph{Kontrapunkt} and on the title page of \emph{Der freie Satz}.\autocite[83]{cook2002epistemologies}
\end{quote}
For composers and performers alike, one of the universally acknowledged criteria for good artwork (composition and performance) is the idea of organic unity: something (which does not have to be about motives) has to somehow unify the work, giving listeners the idea that this is a holistic piece instead of a collage of excerpts. Although arguably a considerable amount of trends challenge the idea of organic unity, such as the Romantic trends which put emphasis on fragmentation and miniatures, the idea of organic unity remains largely unchallenged among performers. For performers, even when performing a collection of miniatures, the performer has to deliberately come up with some unifying theme that can present the concert as a whole. For example, the unifying theme can be the keyword ``miniature'' itself, such that when listeners ask ``why do you program your concert this way?'', the performer can use the keyword ``miniature'' as the germinating seed giving rise to the organic unity of the concert: ``because this concert is motivated by the concept of miniature as a germinating seed, from which every piece in the program is related to form an organic whole''. It would be absurd for the performer to answer that ``I program this way because I haphazardly feel like doing so'' (unless the concert is about haphazardness, e.g.~chance music): in addition to the issue of attitude, the performer fails to construe his concert as an organic whole.
In addition to Schoenberg, many authors propose similar ideas, which can be viewed as ways to paraphrase the same idea: music unfolds as embryo develops. Therefore, organicism is not strictly a particular school of thought, but recurring trend that makes its frequent appearance through history. In short, according to the ``Cambridge history of Western music theory'', organicist view can be concisely summarized as follows: music concerns itself with ``processes of germination and growth across the piece'',\autocite[933]{cambridge_history_of_theory} whose growth is like the organic growth ``from seed to harvest''.\autocite[821]{cambridge_history_of_theory}
\subsection{Music as fulfillment of purpose}
\label{section:music as fulfillment of purpose}
The idea of purposiveness is more metaphorical than organic growth. For organic growth, we are able to find evidence of growth from the material of scores and sounds using pattern matching: parallelism in pitches, rhythmic patterns and intervallic relations serves as evidence of organic growth. On the contrary, when we say that a music exhibits purpose, we do not mean that we can find purpose in music, namely, a sequence of events. But rather, we mean that we find musical events that are somehow reflecting our own purpose, which is a uniquely human attribute. In other words, the notion of purpose is more symbolic in music: when we say that the cadence represents the process of fulfilling purposes, we somehow symbolically use harmonic resolution to represent fulfillment of purposes. Therefore, what do we mean when say that a piece of music is human-like, such that it can somehow fulfill purposes?
The crux of the matter lies in the notion of goal-oriented behavior. Before continuing the discussion, we must recognize that the term ``goal-oriented'' is a concept completely native to music: no one would be surprised if such term is uttered in a music class (whereas the utterance of ``entropy'' is more surprising). For example, composers and performers alike talk about goal-oriented phrases, such that one should perform in a way that the music moves \emph{toward} the arrival point, namely, the goal of the phrase. One should be perplexed by the use of terms ``arrival point'' and ``goal'': they possess purposiveness. In particular, arrival point and goal seem to suggest that a particular moment, rather than other moments, in music is treated as destination. There is a hidden preference here. When we say that the last note of the phrase is the destination, we are preferring it over others, thus making a deliberate choice. We are less likely to say that ``the phrase should arrive at the passing tone'' because we feel that the passing tone serves as means to achieve some ends. Now, the identification of means and ends exhibits purposiveness. In short, only through purposiveness, are we entitled to utter terms such as ``goal'', ``arrival point'' and ``destination''. Without us imposing purposes, every moment in the music can technically be considered an arrival point because, by definition, our performance arrives at (i.e.~visits) every moment in the music.
As a side note, in terms of historical context, the discussion of goal-oriented behavior in music may partly have been influenced by contemporary trends in other disciplines. For example, we may speculate that, it is partly due to the influence of Hegelian teleology that music scholars in the 19th century are accustomed to the mindset of imposing purpose to whatever topic is at hand, which ranges from the structure of a single piece, to the structure of the entire music history. For example, Christensen makes the following remark about the Hegelian influence in music theory:
\begin{quote}
Fétis attempted to chronicle the evolution of harmonic thought culminating in his own formulation of tonalité. Inspired by Hegel's philosophy of history, Fétis saw music theorists as vessels of an emerging tonal consciousness scrolling across time, and he was therefore not slow to either praise or censure any given writer depending upon how closely the writer was able to give voice to this tonal spirit.\autocite[14]{cambridge_history_of_theory}
\end{quote}
One of the characteristic features of Hegelian teleology is that, akin to Hobbe's conception of the Leviathan, communities as collection of individuals are anthropomorphized to form a collective consciousness, thereby making the history of the world goal-driven: history evolves in order to fulfill some purposive \emph{teleo}, as if some personified force is behind the evolution of history. Therefore, it would be more than natural to describe a piece of music as a process fulfilling its purposive \emph{teleo} as well: the entirety of music history can be viewed as the collection of all compositional works achieving some \emph{teleo}; inversely, a single work of music can be seen as an instance of history attaining its own development and \emph{teleo}.
Meanwhile, instead of attributing the present-day discussion of goal-oriented behavior in music to the historical legacy of 19th century thought, we must recognize its ahistorical aspect. In other words, goal-oriented behavior is intrinsic to life, in particular, intelligent life. For example, in artificial intelligence, one of the objectives is to artificially replicate (intelligent) life. Therefore, researchers must capture essential features of intelligent life. One of the fundamental questions is to differentiate between intelligent agent and lifeless object. For example, what is the difference between a person and an air conditioner? Notice first that they both react to the environment, such that it seems insufficient to say that responding to environment alone is the essential feature of life. We need something more deliberate and more proactive: pursuing goals in fulfillment of purposes. In the book ``Developing intelligent agent systems'', the authors distinguish between agent and object as follows:
\begin{quote}
Another key property of agents is that they pursue goals over time, that is, they are proactive. {[}\ldots{]} Although objects can be reactive, and can be seen as having an implicit goal, they are not proactive in the sense of having multiple goals, and of these goals being explicit and persistent. Thus, proactiveness is another property that distinguishes agents from objects. \autocite[2]{padgham2005developing}
\end{quote}
As a side note, note how the use of the term ``proactive'' echoes our discussion of the proactive force essential to music (see section \ref{sec:narrative as foundation}). Through goal-oriented behavior, agents exhibit qualities resembling intelligent life. Thus, in claiming that a piece of music is organic, we partly mean that the piece, analogous to intelligent agents, fulfills goals as the music unfolds in time.
\subsection{Music as organic whole}
\label{section:music as organic whole}
Construing music as an organic whole is a restatement of the slogan ``the whole is more than the sum of its parts''.\autocite{sep-physics-holism} Equivalently, we say that all parts within a piece of music function like ``organs''\autocite[895]{cambridge_history_of_theory} in an organism, through whose cooperation and inter-relatedness the piece is to be construed as a whole in the holist sense: the whole cannot be understood by individually inspecting its parts.
Musically, we listen to a piece of music and appreciate its beauty. We ask ``where is the beauty residing''? We then take out a magnifier and look at every measure of the piece, but cannot find beauty in \emph{any} of the measures. To our dismay, we look into every single note, but cannot find beauty in \emph{any} of the notes either.
The example above concerning music can be translated to its exact analogue in biology, word for word (see figure \ref{fig:music holism vs biological holism}):
\begin{quote}
Biologically, we look at a piece of flower and appreciate its life. We ask ``where is the life residing''? We then take out a microscope (or something more powerful) and look at every molecule of the flower, but cannot find trace of life in \emph{any} of the molecules. To our dismay, we look into every single atom, but cannot find trace of life in \emph{any} of the atoms either.
\end{quote}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-17T20_38_52-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A side by side comparison highlighting word substitution}
\label{fig:music holism vs biological holism}
\end{figure}
The crux of the matter is that we replace the term ``note'' by ``atom'', and ``beauty'' by ``life''. Moreover, we feel that such analogy is natural, in the sense that we do consider individual notes as atomic (variant of atom), and beauty as lively (variant of life).
Zuckerkandl makes similar observations concerning holism in music:
\begin{quote}
A melody is a whole-and a temporal whole, a whole whose parts are given as a sequence, as temporal succession. Such a whole can, in general, be of two kinds. Either it is a sum of parts, which are successively added to one another, an and-sum, as it is termed, the result of simple addition; or it is ``the whole which is more than the sum of its parts,'' a Gestalt. If then listeners each hear one tone, the totality of their sensations is an and-sum; if one listener hears ten tones, the totality of his sensations is a Gestalt - a melody. \autocite[229]{zuckerkandl_1973}
\end{quote}
From here we are able to see how the arrow of time makes its appearance again in the holistic property of music: it is only through the unfolding of music in time, that we are able to mentally synthesize its parts to form a whole, and construe a piece of music holistically instead of producing, in Zuckerkandl's words, an and-sum. Specifically, the holism of music arises from the difference in the epistemic access of the past and the future, between memory and anticipation. In fact, Zuckerkandl spells this point out explicitly:
\begin{quote}
Temporal Gestalten appear possible because the past instant can be held in memory; the future instant can be anticipated in expectation.\autocite[230]{zuckerkandl_1973}
\end{quote}
\subsection{Music as motion}
The dynamic quality of music is readily felt. We intuitively understand music as a dynamic process involving constant motion and energetic force. For example, one of the (if not the) most frequently uttered teachings in music lessons is to make music move forward. However, this moving forward is not the same as simply rushing. It is for such reason that performers must consciously shape the phrases, plan the dynamics, and tune nuanced timings agogically in order to move the music forward. Additionally, as discussed in section \ref{section:music as fulfillment of purpose}, the motion is goal-oriented such that it moves \emph{toward} some point of arrival: it can be the crucial moment of a phrase, the high point of a hairpin, or the climax of the entire piece. Therefore, music is about a special type of motion: musical motion.
In addition to the acoustic vibration which physically moves the air, we feel that the motion is more than that of mere sound waves. After all, the motion of sound waves is also found in noise and all non-music sound. Music has to be about some additional motion, some motion that is more vital. The term vital here is to be understood as in vitalism. Again, we infer that music is about a special type of motion called musical motion.
However, we have not defined musical motion at all. So far, we infer musical motion negatively, noticing that it cannot be simple motion because for performers motion in music is not the same as simply rushing, and for listeners motion in music is not the same as motion of sound waves. It turns out that we can only construe musical motion from an organicist view, i.e.~it is the type of motion akin to the vital energy of life. Therefore upon listening to music and its motion, we are reminded of the vital energy of life (through which we strive for fulfillment of purposes). It is for the reason that musical motion reminds us of the essence of life, so that we are entitled to say that we are moved by music.
Notice that the usage of the word ``move'' already entails musical motion discussed above. Additionally, the statement that music has the ability to move people is not simply a convenient metaphor. Instead, we may argue that its root can be traced back to the Baroque theory of the affects (equivalently, affections). One of the characteristics of the Baroque interpretation of the affects is that affects are objectified emotions in the following sense: emotions are categorized into affects such as anger, fear, sorrow, joy, etc. For example, the affect of anger describes the general state of being angry. Therefore, the affect of anger can be interpreted as an object to be manipulated and in particular, moved (in its literal sense). For example, in a Baroque suite, each movement may be dedicated to an affect, such that the movement arouses its corresponding affect. Because affects are considered as an object (i.e.~we can talk about \emph{the} affect of fear universally instead of my personal fear or your personal fear), the metaphor of motion becomes surprisingly appropriate and even literal: music as motion can move the affects as objects just as physical motion can move physical objects. Therefore, the idea of moving the affects is less metaphorical than physical. For example, in the ``A history of Western music'', the authors mentions Descartes' idea of the animal spirit:
\begin{quote}
The affections were thought of as relatively stable states of the soul, each caused by a certain combination of spirits, or ``humors,'' in the body. According to René Descartes, once these spirits were set in motion by external stimuli through the senses, they conveyed their motions to the soul, thus bringing about specific emotions.\autocite{norton_history}
\end{quote}
Consequently, music as motion, from the perspective of the Baroque theory on affects, is to be interpreted literally.
Another school of thought which puts paramount emphasis on musical motion is energeticism. That it is considered as ``another'' school of thought instead of a continuation of, for example, the Baroque theory of affects is partly due to an observation made by Rothfarb in his article ``Energetics'' surveying energeticism:
\begin{quote}
As a rubric for music-theoretical literature focused on music's dynamic qualities, ``energetics'' is unrestrictively broad in scope on the one hand, and restrictively narrow on the other. It is broad because ever since ancient times authors have identified motion as a fundamental aspect of music, and narrow because specific references to ``energy'' in music, or analogies with force, power, or similar concepts from the domain of physics, are historically limited, appearing first with regularity in the decades straddling 1900.\autocite[927]{rothfarb2002energetics}
\end{quote}
Among the proponents of energeticism in its narrow sense indicated by Rothfarb, Kurth can be considered as exemplary in illustrating the concept of energeticism. In her article about Kurth bearing the very title ``Ernst Kurth and his concept of music as motion'', Hsu observes one of Kurth's conception of motion, quoting his words:
\begin{quote}
What one calls the soul of an art, can never consist of rigidly established external forms, but can only be felt as a flowing state; it cannot be thought of as a substance to be delineated, but rather as direction, motion, striving, as impulse and will, that merely erupt in various ways into a wealth of external forms.\autocite[12]{hsu1966ernst}
\end{quote}
We should note how Kurth's energeticist perspective echoes many ideas appearing in this project (or vice versa). Firstly, as noticed in the beginning of this section, the musical motion energeticists address is not to be understood in its simple physical sense. But rather, it is necessarily accompanied by life-related attributes: volition, purposiveness, and goal-oriented behavior. Secondly, these life-related ideas make musical motion particularly relevant to the discussion of section \ref{section:music as fulfillment of purpose}, to the extent that we may even claim that music as motion is the same as music as fulfillment of purposes. Consequently, the discussion in this section is simply a restatement of section \ref{section:music as fulfillment of purpose}. Finally, at a larger scope, we should notice how music as motion shifts our attention to the psychological aspect of music, which is the central thesis of section \ref{section:what should narrative of music be about}.
As a result of the similarities between energeticist perspective on musical motion and the discussion of temporal asymmetry in this project, we may argue that this project is advocating energeticism. Specifically, the arrow of time is the manifestation of musical motion and energetics, whose volitional power gives rise to the psychological arrow of time in music.
Consequently, the temporal asymmetry caused by delaying the climax as illustrated in figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement} can be interpreted literally: the arrow of time exerts a musical force as the carrier of our volitional power, through whose effect the climax is moved and pushed to the right side of the score, creating a temporal displacement we call musical motion. Moreover, such description is not merely metaphorical , as the musical force exerted by the arrow of time is as real as musical motion, to which Kurth ``did not intend the word {[}motion{]} in a figurative sense, but insisted on its original and literal meaning''.\autocite[12]{hsu1966ernst}
\section{Life in relation to the arrow of time}
\label{section:life in relation to the arrow of time}
Poetically, it is through the arrow of time that we appreciate the value of life. In fact, we may consider our reflection of life to be the motivation for discussing time as a topic in itself. In other words, in order to discuss the topic of life meaningfully, we must consider it through the lens of time, in particular, the arrow of time. The Britannica article on time points out that historically, our self-reflection may be the original motivation for the topic of time:
\begin{quote}
The irreversibility and inexorability of the passage of time is borne in on human beings by the fact of death. Unlike other living creatures, they know that their lives may be cut short at any moment and that, even if they attain the full expectation of human life, their growth is bound to be followed by eventual decay and, in due time, death.\autocite{britannica_time}
\end{quote}
It turns out that this intuition that the arrow of time is destructive to life is also captured by scientific inquiries, in particular, by the concept of entropy as a measure of orderliness. Recall that throughout section \ref{section:thermodynamic arrow of time}, we focus on one of the (if not the most) commonly observed phenomena: disorderly possibilities astronomically outnumber orderly possibilities. We can certainly claim that the reason is superficial: since we define what is considered orderly or disorderly, the conclusion that the world tends to favor disorder is simply a result of our bias. However, in the discussion of life which is itself the origin of all subjective biases, we are justified to base our argument on bias. In fact, bias is not only allowed, but necessary. Therefore, even when admitting that the notion of order and disorder is merely a social construct solely defined by our biased preference, we can nevertheless assert that disorder is unfavorable to life.
In other words, life aligns itself with the orderly aspect of the universe. Because orderly possibilities are outnumbered, physical phenomena which we can call life are also relatively rare. Moreover, because life aligns itself with order, from the perspective of life, the majority of the world appears hostile: the world seems to act in a way that is opposite to what we strive for. It is exactly due to the hostility (from the perspective of living organisms such as us who read this sentence) of the world that performers must diligently practice in order to maintain the high level of artistry and technique. Poetically, the hostility of the world is the reason that humanity must proactively strive for a better world through volition and hard work.
Given the hostile environment in which life arises, a meaningful question to ask is the following: what is the role of life? This question can be treated as a scientific question as well as an artistic one. Artistically, the hero in a tragedy must overcome sorrows, trials, misfortunes and conflicts, as Fate does not seem to bless the hero. Through compassion and sympathy, as audience, we momentarily become the hero and ask: what can I do and what is my role in the midst of this unfortunate circumstance? We may argue that such question is exactly what Hamlet means when he utters the most well-known line: ``To be, or not to be, that is the question''.\autocite[309]{shakespeare2014arden} We look for purpose and value which can justify and guide our striving, \emph{given} the context of the destructive universe.
Meanwhile, scientifically, we are also curious about the role of life, namely, organisms. In particular, we are curious about the characteristics of life such that we are able to identify life in theories of physics. It would be odd to have theories describing microscopic behavior of atoms and macroscopic behavior of planetary motions, yet leaving little place for living organisms which we value as more fundamental and real than atoms and celestial bodies. As part of his poetic endeavor, physicist Schrodinger (whose equation makes its appearance on page \pageref{equations of motion}) writes about his interpretation of the role of life in his book bearing the self-evident title ``What is life''. Being neither a professional biologist nor professional poet, he characterizes life using the physicist's idea of entropy.
Schrodinger defines life as entities feeding on ``negative entropy''.\autocite[70]{schrodinger1992life} By doing so, ``living matter evades the decay to equilibrium''.\autocite[69]{schrodinger1992life} Recall that entropy can be interpreted as a measure of the degree of disorder. The term equilibrium refers to the state of maximal entropy, i.e.~maximal degree of disorder. For living organisms, the state of maximal entropy is intuitive: death. On the one hand, thermodynamics tells us that Nature favors disorder, simply because the number of disorderly states is vastly bigger than that of orderly ones. In Schrodinger's words:
\begin{quote}
An isolated system or a system in a uniform environment {[}\ldots{]} increases its entropy and more or less rapidly approaches the inert state of maximum entropy. We now recognize this fundamental law of physics to be just the natural tendency of things to approach the chaotic state (the same tendency that the books of a library or the piles of papers and manuscripts on a writing desk display) unless we obviate it.\autocite[72]{schrodinger1992life}
\end{quote}
On the other hand, life is special in that living organisms feed on negative entropy, thus maintaining (or even increasing) orderliness. In his book, Schrodinger primarily addresses the biological aspect of orderliness as avoiding death: through biological metabolism we are able to maintain orderly arrangement of molecules within our body, maintaining the state of being alive for an extended period of time.\autocite[70]{schrodinger1992life} However, we can see how life as maintaining orderliness can also be applied to artistic endeavors.
We live a biological life, whose metabolism keeps us alive to fulfill life's purpose in Schrodinger's definition: feeding on negative entropy to avoid the decay of death. Meanwhile we live an artistic life, in which we create works of art in our image: organic entities that are as lively as ourselves (we should note that this statement is particularly true in the context of organicism). The potentially blasphemous words ``in our image'' (suggestive of Genesis 1:27 (KJV) ``So God created man in his own image'') lie in the heart of artistic creation, where the lively quality residing in us is passed to the work of art, thereby bringing it to life. In other words, we try to be gods in our own artistic micro-cosmos, in ways that can be poetically described using Hamlet's utterance:
\begin{quote}
I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space \autocite[305]{shakespeare2014arden}
\end{quote}
Therefore, Schrodinger's definition of life can be extended to include artistic endeavors: we maintain and create orderliness not only biologically in our bodies, but also in the artworks we produce. In particular, we arrange objects (strokes for visual artists, notes for composers, bodily movements for performers) into orderly patterns such that they are distinguished from random and disorderly patterns. To this end, Schrodinger's characterization of life in terms of entropy and orderliness becomes the very thesis for organicism. In Liu's poetic rendition of life as low-entropy entities, we can even sense that life and art refer to the same thing:
\begin{quote}
Entropy increased in the universe, and order decreased. The process was like the boundless wings of the giant balance bird pressing down upon all of existence. But low-entropy entities were different. The low-entropy entities decreased their entropy and increased their order, like columns of phosphorescence rising over the inky-dark sea. This was meaning, the highest meaning, higher than enjoyment. To maintain this meaning, low-entropy entities had to continue to exist.\autocite[467]{liu2016death}
\end{quote}
On the one hand, through the arrow of time, life is defined in terms of entropy. On the other hand, artistic creation reflects life's striving for orderliness. At this point, organicism becomes literal: artwork and life are one, unified as in Shelley's words:
\begin{quote}
\centering
A tone
Of some world far from ours
Where music and moonlight and feeling
Are one.\autocite[106]{hodgson2021cambridge}
\end{quote}
\part{Musical consequence}
\chapter{Recurrence}
Based on the distinguishability condition (see section \ref{sec:distinguishability}), the distinguishability between the past and the future as a result of the epistemic difference between memory and prediction (or artistically, anticipation) gives rise to temporal asymmetry in music. As discussed in section \ref{sec:distinguishability}, it particularly addresses the observation that two events with similar content may be interpreted as drastically different because they are placed at different temporal locations within a piece. For example, the equilibrium-disequilibrium-equilibrium paradigm discussed in section \ref{sec:distinguishability} differentiates between the two instances of equilibrium by its temporal placement relative to the disequilibrium part of the narrative. In fact, we may claim that the highlight of the equilibrium-disequilibrium-equilibrium paradigm is precisely the interplay between two transitions: from the initial equilibrium, the story is destabilized into disequilibrium; from the state of disequilibrium, the story restores its equilibrium in the end.
We should note that the concept of recurrence is implied here. When we speak of two events similar in content that are placed at different temporal locations, the similarity in content induces recurrence. In particular, two similar events in a piece necessarily implies that the second event later in temporal location is a re-occurrence of the first event. However, it is worth mentioning that there is a certain subtlety concerning the idea of recurrence. The subtlety lies in the observation that recurrence entails two layers of meaning. On the one hand, recurrence describes content, referring to parallelism between musical events such as repetition in music. On the other hand, recurrence describes the cognitive process in which we recall a past event from memory caused by the present moment, thereby causing recurrence of the past event: it occurs in both the past and the present. In fact, every time we recall from memory, we have recurrence of the past. However, while saying that recurrence is found every time we recall from memory is true, it is nevertheless too general to be useful for analytical purposes. Therefore, in this discussion, we focus on the first layer of the meaning of recurrence which is more specific: parallelism between musical events.
Even though in our discussion, the concept of recurrence is derived as an implication of temporal asymmetry, recurrence by itself is nevertheless one of the central topics in music. We may even claim that the idea of recurrence is one of the most powerful expressive tools in music for composers and performers alike. For example, we may interpret that in Schoenberg's view, the organic structure of a composition arises from the balanced interplay between variety and unity, providing ``variety in unity''.\autocite[21]{schoenberg1970} Just as introducing new musical material (such as the secondary theme in sonata-allegro form) is the primary way to promote variety, recurrence (i.e.~repetition) of existing musical material (such as the recapitulation in sonata-allegro form as modified repetition) is the primary way to achieve unity.
In fact, we may even argue that music itself, albeit being temporal, is fundamentally cyclical. As Lasser remarks:
\begin{quote}
The musical experience, being time-based, is also cyclical in nature. We build structure in our minds by recognizing returns of events. Meter, motives, harmonic progressions, large tonal structures are all premised on the basic concept of cyclical return and derive their meaning from this very concept.\autocite[4]{lasser2008}
\end{quote}
One of Lasser's main points is to notice that a symbol or an event in a narrative ``acquires meaning only as it returns over and again throughout a story''.\autocite[4]{lasser2008} In other words, temporal ``structures can only be created through cyclic return''.\autocite[4]{lasser2008} For example, imagine how analysis of formal structures is virtually impossible without relying on recurrence: it is only through the notion of recurrence that we are entitled to discuss concepts such as recapitulation in ABA form or reprise/ritornello in rondo form. Without invoking recurrence, \emph{all} musical forms would be reduced to meaningless labeling in the following schemes: AB, ABC, ABCD, ABCDEF, \ldots. In other words, recurrence is essential for musical coherence. In fact, we may argue that the unique feature of music is that it is a self-referential and non-representational art form, has its origin in recurrence. In particular, by definition of non-representational art, musical structure relies solely on the internal relations between its parts, such that a moment in a piece of music refers to other moments in the piece instead of objects in the external world (i.e.~reality). Now, the possibility of establishing internal relations arises largely from recurrence. Through musical events that make their returns throughout the piece, we are able to understand musical structure as internally organized. For example, we are able to claim that ``this moment relates to the beginning, where I heard \emph{the same} tune''. In short, a piece of music, when considered as narrative unfolding in time, is internally organized precisely because recurrent events, borrowing Lasser's idea, ``provide inner structure which can be independent from the plot''.\autocite[4]{lasser2008}
Meanwhile, the idea of recurrence is also crucial in bringing out expressive performance. For performers, one of the interpretive challenges is the treatment of repetition. The challenge arises due to the complicated nature of repetition. For example, consider the following dilemma. On the one hand, in general, it would be unmusical to play the repeated passage in exactly the same manner as its original occurrence. It is for this concern of variety that vocalists add improvisatory ornaments when the first section returns in a da capo aria, creating a modified return. However, on the other hand, sometimes it is equally unmusical to simply say ``do something differently with the repetition'' when it would arguably be preferable to, surprisingly, produce identical playing. For example, consider the third movement of Beethoven's piano sonata no. 30 (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op109 mov3 beginning}). The movement is in variation form, but with one peculiar compositional feature: instead of ending the piece with the last variation, the opening theme is repeated exactly (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op109 mov3 ending}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T00_22_17-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~30, Op. 109, third movement, beginning}
\label{fig:beethoven op109 mov3 beginning}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T00_18_36-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Sonata No.~30, Op. 109, third movement, ending, annotated in red rectangle to identify restatement of the opening theme in figure \ref{fig:beethoven op109 mov3 beginning}}
\label{fig:beethoven op109 mov3 ending}
\end{figure}
In order to produce a justified performance, we need to answer the following question: what could be the reasons to justify this anomaly of exact restatement of the opening theme? To this end, we may resort to poetic interpretations: the restatement of the opening theme is symbolic of the idea of homecoming. As the music reaches the opening theme in the end, we metaphorically imagine that the weary wayfarer has finally returned home. We can further imagine that the homecoming of the wayfarer is more spiritual than physical: in fact, the wayfarer is already dead before he/she is able to make the return trip. Due to the lingering homesickness, his/her spirit revisits home before leaving this mortal world. In his/her spiritual return to home, he/she finds that everything at home appears familiar, but with a sense of quintessential quietness (which is fitting metaphor considering Beethoven's hearing issue), hinting at the unrealness of the homecoming.
How does this overly imaginative metaphor inform us about the interpretation? The key feature of the metaphor is that the spirit's homecoming should be identical to reality in details, to the point that the spirit does not even realize that he/she has died. Translating this feature to interpretive decisions, the metaphor suggests that the repetition should be carried out literally, such that the ending is an exact restatement of the beginning. In particular, the tenderness of the heart indicated by the expressive mark ``Gesangvoll, mit innigster Empfindung'' is restored in the end, and becomes even more outstanding after the exhausting journey represented by the variations in between the two utterances of the opening theme. As indicated by the transition into the theme in figure \ref{fig:beethoven op109 mov3 ending}, the restatement of the theme is prepared by a gradual decrescendo accompanied by endless trills, as if all previous variations musically evaporate without leaving any definite trace. Therefore, the final restatement of the theme as a restoration of the initial cantabile quality is particularly evident in the context of the transition preparing it. As a result, it is preferable to restore the cantabile quality of the opening theme unmodified, under a new light: homecoming. In other words, the performer may creatively render the beginning and the ending in exactly the same way, hence highlighting how the perception of the passage may be completely different as their sole difference lies in the temporal placement: the opening and the ending are equally tender-hearted, yet because of our journey (as discussed in section \ref{sec:narrative as foundation}, journey is a powerful metaphor for narrative) through the variations in between, the return of the opening theme gives us a completely different state of mind, regardless of the sameness in musical content.
As the example above illustrates, the interpretive challenge of repetition for performers is a result of the multifaceted role recurrence plays in music. Consequently, in order to arrive at a justified interpretive decision, performers ask about the function and role of repetition which is specific to each piece. Because the term repetition subsumes so many musical instances that are virtually impossible to generalize, they must be studied on an individual basis. However, at the same time, we should nevertheless realize that regardless of the specific interpretive decisions made about repetition, temporal asymmetry alone can shape recurrence so that similar events are construed differently because of their difference in temporal placement. In other words, instead of saying that temporal asymmetry complicates interpretation of repetition because performing repetition requires awareness of the temporal context in which repetition takes place, we can optimistically argue that it is due to temporal asymmetry that recurrence in music attains the manifold of expressive power: a simple repetition becomes capable of expressing a rich set of emotions.
In short, musicians take advantage of recurrence to control the flow of musical narrative. Because musical narrative is nothing but the time evolution of listeners' psychological states, musicians can thus control how listeners' emotions fluctuate in response to the performance. In other words, one of the strategies is to use recurrence as the guide for the listeners in navigating within the piece: upon hearing recurring materials, the listeners are fully aware of the context in which the they are situated.
\section{Resurrection as recurrence in action: a musical case study of Bach's St Matthew Passion (BWV 244) and Christmas Oratorio (BWV 248) in relation to a recurring chorale tune}
\label{section:resurrection as recurrence in action}
The dichotomy between birth and resurrection is a telling example of recurrence. Both words essentially describe the same physical process through which one is brought into life. However, the difference in temporal placement completely determines their interpretation and identification, to the extent that they are denoted by two distinct terms. In other words, because we feel that the meanings of birth and resurrection are sufficiently different in nature, albeit the fact that they describe the same physical process, that we need to distinguish between them in terminology. In fact, we may consider birth and resurrection as one of the canonic examples where temporal asymmetry alone determines the very definition of an event: when the process of coming into life is placed before trials and sorrows of life, it is called birth; when the same process is placed after trials and sorrows, it is called resurrection.
The theme of resurrection is explicitly dealt with in Bach's compositional output (in particular, his sacred compositions). Therefore, the discussion of resurrection in context of Bach's sacred work is in little danger of intentional fallacy, a fallacy in which we make far-fetched interpretation of the music in terms of the extramusical idea of resurrection. Specifically, resurrection is expressed through the particular theological lens: the life of Jesus with three milestone events consisting of birth, death and resurrection. Naturally, the three milestone events are captured in the liturgical calendar, whose focus revolves around the three liturgical days: Christmas signifying Jesus' birth, Good Friday signifying Jesus' crucifixion, and Easter signifying Jesus' resurrection. In relation to the topic of resurrection, we are to examine a special portion of Bach's works whose composition is dedicated to the liturgical days signifying the three key moments in Jesus' life. Given Bach's religiously pious attitude, it would be unsurprising that St Matthew Passion (BWV 244) which is dedicated to Jesus' crucifixion is of personal importance to Bach, and as a result of the composer's invested effort, is of analytical interest.
Among Bach's sacred compositions, one characteristic compositional feature is the invocation of chorales. We may arguably claim that the role of chorales for Bach is akin to the role of the chorus in Greek tragedies such as those by Aeschylus: instead of being part of the narrative, they serve as extra-narrative commentary about the narrative from the perspective of spectators (namely, audience members). For example, in the introduction to Aeschylus' ``The Oresteia'', editors observe that Aeschylus' ``unique tragic style is especially remarkable for its extensive and intensive use of the chorus''\autocite{aeschylus}, through which
\begin{quote}
a chorus of twelve (in Aeschylus' time) or fifteen (for most of the careers of Sophocles and Euripides), who would sing and dance formal songs and whose Chorus Leader would engage in dialogue with the characters or offer comment on the action.\autocite{aeschylus}
\end{quote}
Metaphorically, chorus is like the lucky audience members who are invited to the stage, whose reactions and comments to the play are also included as part of the program. Similarly, Bach's use of chorale can be interpreted as commentary from the congregation. As Hill remarks in his article:
\begin{quote}
The chorales in general are considered to represent Bach's idea of how the congregation should respond to the Passion narrative. {[}\ldots{]} Bach put words if not into the mouths, then into the minds, of his congregation, and many commentators have recognized that the chorales are meant to represent their thoughts. Spitta wrote, ``the greater number of chorales are set in a severe style, and accentuate the congregational feeling in all its modesty and force''; Schweitzer observed, ``the feelings of the Christian spectators are expressed in chorale verses''; Geiringer believed that the chorales express the ``reaction of the congregation''; and Pelikan described one particular chorale as ``the response of the church and of the pious soul''.\autocite[519]{hill1996time}
\end{quote}
Therefore, we may interpret Bach's use of chorale to be an organizational tool to help listeners navigate within the piece, offering hints for interpretation. For example, a hypothetical listener may be lost in the midst of the complex narrative trajectory of St Matthew passion, to the extent that he/she may start wondering: ``where am I situated in the plot, and am I supposed to feel happy or sad at this very moment?''. Chorales come to the rescue by offering suggested reactions to the plot, based on which the hypothetical listener can develop his/her own understanding of the plot accordingly. Metaphorically, Bach presents the passion with chorales as annotations that serve as an analysis of itself, thus offering insights for our understanding of the work.
Additionally, we should note how Bach's use of chorales is relevant to our discussion as it relates to both the topic of narrative as the time evolution of psychological states (i.e.~topic of chapter \ref{chapter:temporal arts as narrative}) and recurrence (i.e.~topic of this chapter).
For the topic of narrative as the time evolution of psychological states, we observe that chorales as commentary to the plot, naturally puts an emphasis on the psychological aspect of narrative. Therefore, based on our claim in section \ref{section:tension-release as psychological narrative} that narrative must be based on psychological states such as tension-release, the collection of chorales captures essential aspects of the biblical narrative. In fact, because of our shift of focus to the psychological aspect of narrative, chorales become more important than other movements in the work. One may argue that such conclusion is counterintuitive, precisely because chorales function as commentary: they do not describe the dramatic action of the plot (i.e.~the content of the story, involving characters and their interactions) which is what enables the development of the plot. Instead, chorales function in a way similar to the concept of operatic aria: the dramatic time is suspended, leaving the performance to focus on the timeless contemplation of the plot that just took place. To counter such potential objection, we notice that chorale movements are crucial not only analytically, but also in terms of the performance effect: they are moments that have direct impact on the listeners emotional states since the chorale tunes are not expressed through plot but tunes familiar to the listeners. In fact, based on the Lutheran tradition, the chorales may be performed by performers and listeners alike, resulting in the Lutheran idea of ``increasing worshipers' participation through music''.\autocite{norton_history} Therefore, the direct impact is evident, as suddenly the performance is expanded in scope: the performers now consist of the totality of people in the performance venue. We may even poetically say that, the transition into the chorales turns a Baroque ensemble into a late-Romantic ensemble similar to that in performing Mahler's symphony of a thousand.
For the topic of recurrence, because chorales offer listeners guidance in navigating within the piece, we can consider them as structural pillars in the following sense: chorales mark key moments within the piece. Such observation is based on the assumption that we make commentary only about important events, and being musical commentary, chorales also correspond to key events within the piece. Therefore, we are able to analyze Bach's passions and oratorios through reduction, by focusing solely on the sequence of chorales as if they constitute a suite-like composition on their own. Specifically, in relation to the topic of recurrence, we focus on a special case where chorale tunes repeat within the work, thus informing us about the overall structure of the work through recurrence.
\subsection{The puzzle of St Matthew's Passion}
One of the characteristic features of St Matthew's Passion is a recurring chorale that is particularly outstanding in the midst of its constantly developing narrative. The chorale tune ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden'' appears five times throughout the passion at movements 15 (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov15}), 17 (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov17}), 44 (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov44}), 54 (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov54}), and 62 (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov62}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T18_14_36-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 15 (NBA), incipit ``Erkenne mich, mein Hüter'' (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 mov15}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T18_16_50-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 17 (NBA), incipit ``Ich will hier bei dir stehen'' (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 mov17}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T18_19_46-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 44 (NBA), incipit ``Befiehl du deine Wege'' (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 mov44}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T18_21_28-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 54 (NBA), incipit ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden'' (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 mov54}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T18_24_12-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 62 (NBA), incipit ``Wenn ich einmal soll scheiden'' (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 mov62}
\end{figure}
Before making any reference to the text and biblical narrative, the five occurrences of the chorale tune are remarkable due to the sheer number of repetitions. Even without any analytical approaches, listeners are more likely to remember the five occurrences then any other movement from the piece simply because of the power of repetition: repetition as reinforcement of memory.
Meanwhile, Hill makes the following observation concerning the five occurrences of the chorale tune:
\begin{quote}
Bach inserts the melody known as ``O Haupt voll Blut Wunden'' into the Passion at five very important points in the plot: the scene on the Mount of Olives (twice), the trial before Pilate, the scourging, and immediately following Jesus's death. As Eric Chafe puts it, this group of settings is ``one of the best-known elements in the St.~Matthew Passion and the only one that the majority of listeners will instinctively recognize as a series.'' As such a series, the appearances of this melody guide the congregation's thoughts through the work, culminating in the central tragedy of the plot, the death of Jesus.\autocite[520]{hill1996time}
\end{quote}
As discussed above, chorales in general serve as structural pillars guiding one's understanding of the whole piece. The five occurrences of the same chorale tune, as a special case where five chorales are related by the special relation called equality, shows even more power of guidance: the hypothetical listener can be completely ignorant of the plot, and simply by comparing the difference in harmonization between the five occurrences, he/she can grasp the dynamic (as in fluctuation of musical tension, not volume) of the entire passion. In other words, the five occurrences can be considered as an abstract (as in academic papers) summarizing the entire passion, through listening to which one can grasp the structural outline. Additionally, speculating on the composer's intention with the assumption of good faith (e.g.~the composer makes compositional choices for meaningful musical reasons, instead of reasons related to meeting the publisher's deadline), the five occurrences of the same tune must be due to compositional choice such that Bach deliberately chooses to occupy the valuable moments of chorales with five settings of the same tune. Therefore, for analytical purposes, we may consider the series of the five occurrences of the chorale tune as a composition on its own, serving as an analytical reduction of the passion's overall structure.
Construing the five occurrences as a single composition, we may observe one anomaly: the piece is incomplete in the sense that the ending does not convey a sense of resolution or finality. Instead, the ending is destabilizing, creating a sense of open-ended question. As listeners, we are naturally sensitive (even without receiving training in music theory and analysis) to anomalies in the sense that listeners are sensitive to places where established repetitive patterns break. Such capability may be attributed to evolution where prehistoric humans need to develop the ability to spot anomalies in order to survive. For example, in the wild, humans need to be able to spot poisonous snakes which are often disguised under the established visual patterns consisting of plants. Now, as listeners and analysts, what we do is in fact similar to prehistoric humans: compare the five occurrences and see where established patterns break.
By comparing the five occurrences side by side, we may observe that the last occurrence, namely, movement 62 (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov62}) stands out as the most inflected occurrence because of its melodic contour as well as chromaticism in harmonization. Melodically, one of the most noticeable pattern breaking occurs at measure 3, where the identical melodic contour found in the first four occurrences is modified in the last occurrence, creating audible difference to the listeners (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 melodic difference}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T21_20_37-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Comparison between the four occurrences (the first occurrence is omitted as it is a transposed duplicate of the second), annotated to indicate difference in melodic contour (left: first three occurrences, right: last occurrence)}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 melodic difference}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-21T21_45_03-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 62 (NBA), incipit ``Wenn ich einmal soll scheiden'' (vocal score reduction), annotated to indicate harmonic anomalies}
\label{fig:bach bwv244 mov62 harmonic anomalies}
\end{figure}
Meanwhile, harmonically, the heavy use of chromaticism in the last occurrence, when compared to the previous four occurrences, is readily observable. In fact, the heavy use of chromaticism coupled with the text may be considered as an instance of word-painting, where Bach employs the Renaissance modal tradition of using chromaticism to invoke the imagery of pain and agony. To name a few places of startling chromaticism, consider figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov62 harmonic anomalies}. The first red rectangle indicates chromatic inflection of the bass. One may argue that the downbeat of measure 2 is simply an applied chord, namely, V/V. However, such harmonic interpretation is unsuitable if we consider the previous occurrences of the same measure: if we were to keep the same harmonization of measure 2, then the bass in this case should be F instead of F-sharp. Therefore, from a pattern-breaking perspective, the bass consists of chromatically inflecting note F into F-sharp. As a consequence of the chromatic inflection, the bass motion leading into the downbeat of measure 2 becomes a tritone, whose dissonance is symbolic of a twisted emotional state. The second and third red rectangle in figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov62 harmonic anomalies} highlights Bach's heavy use of chromaticism, to the extent that we may claim that Bach maximizes the chromaticism in horizontal motion at the expense of contrapuntal convention. For example, in measure 10, the alto and tenor create an exceptionally noticeable parallel fifth even when the parallel fifth is technically avoided by the use of syncopation, thus drawing the listener's attention to the syncopated tenor voice. The syncopated tenor voice then arrives at the third beat of measure 10 in a descending motion falling from flat-\(\hat 6\) to \(\hat 5\), which metaphorically creates a strong downward pulling force.
The harmonic anomalies through chromaticism suggest that there must be motivations strong enough to justify Bach's use of chromaticism even at the expense of of contrapuntal convention and harmonious sonority. The potential motivation becomes evident once we consider the last occurrence of the chorale tune in relation to the plot: it is set to refer to the moment in the plot which ``immediately follows Jesus' death''.\autocite[532]{hill1996time} Consequently, from the perspective of word-painting, Bach deliberately invokes discomforting chromaticism in order to convey a sense of agony. Additionally, from the perspective of comparison between the five occurrences of the chorale tune, chromaticism unique to the last occurrence signals that it must be considered separately from all previous occurrences. In other words, Bach uses chromaticism in order to single out the last occurrence through anomaly.
The ending indicated by the last red rectangle in figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov62 harmonic anomalies} is particularly outstanding in its anomaly. In addition to chromaticism in the word-painting sense, i.e.~as chromatic inflections, the final cadence creates ambiguity in its harmonic interpretation. Specifically, when interpreted in the context of A minor key, which is suggested by the key signature, we have a V-I-V progression, creating a half cadence. Alternatively, the sonority, especially with the sustained treble voice, is characteristic of plagal cadence, in which case the key is to be interpreted as E minor (with the major chord interpreted as a picardy third). However, both interpretations are problematic. If the cadence is a half cadence in A minor, then the ending is incomplete as it does not end on the tonic. If instead, the cadence is a plagal cadence in E minor, then the chorale setting involves a modulation from A minor to E minor, which also lacks finality. We may argue that such ambiguity is exactly what Bach intends if we consider the incipit ``Wenn Ich Einmal Soll Scheiden'' (When I must depart one day). If we take the interpretation of ending in E minor, then the modulation from A minor to E minor is symbolic of the term ``depart''. Consequently, the open-endedness of the last occurrence is a deliberate choice, signaling the idea that Jesus' crucifixion is not the end of the story.
A puzzle arises from observing the last occurrence of the chorale tune ``O Haupt voll Blut Wunden'': since the ending suggests that the story is incomplete, where are we to find its continuation? As Hill observes:
\begin{quote}
The last cadence of ``Wenn ich einmal soll scheiden'' is a loaded gesture, a sign whose interpretation is at best equivocal. Clearly, it is a sign that indicates a different tradition is being invoked in the last setting of this melody than the four settings that preceded it. But what else does the sign tell us? Does it signify closure or continuation? If closure, Jesus is dead and salvation is questionable; if continuation, Jesus will rise on Easter Sunday and salvation is certain for those who truly believe. Bach makes the sign very hard to read, however, by the way he sets it into relief against the three harmonies that open the last phrase, which point to an ending in C major, and the way he drags the harmonies into a completely different system through the interjection of the Bb. In short, Bach gives us a sign whose significance is obscured in situ.\autocite[542]{hill1996time}
\end{quote}
In fact, such puzzle can be extended to the entire passion as its lack of finality may pose challenge to our understanding of its theological implications. On the one hand,
\begin{quote}
it is very curious that not a single one of the arias or choruses that follow Jesus's death deal with his resurrection; every one instead focuses only on his death. {[}On the other hand, a{]} careful reading of Martin Luther's ``Meditation on Christ's Passion'' makes the downplaying of the resurrection in the St.~Matthew Passion highly problematic, for Luther believed that the resurrection, not the crucifixion, provided salvation.\autocite[514]{hill1996time}
\end{quote}
In short, the puzzle can be stated as follows: how are we to understand Jesus' crucifixion whose meaning depends so heavily on his resurrection, when St Matthew passion deliberately avoids the theme of resurrection altogether?
One potential solution is to accept the incompleteness of St Matthew passion, and to construe it as part of a larger narrative. In other words, the passion conveys a sense of open-endedness precisely because the story continues. The incompleteness of St Matthew passion is no longer a defect or puzzle, but a carefully-designed feature: through the absence of resurrection in the plot, we are in an overwhelmingly anxious mood to anticipate its continuation where we are to find resurrection as the resolution. Surprisingly, the chorale tune ``O Haupt voll Blut Wunden'' turns out to be tremendously helpful in locating the continuation of St Matthew passion.
\subsection{The Christmas oratorio as continuation of St Matthew passion}
At first it appears counterintuitive that the Christmas oratorio can be considered as the continuation of St Matthew passion because of the liturgical calendar. The temporal ordering of the liturgical calendar is unambiguous: Christmas takes place first, which is followed by Good Friday; after Good Friday, Easter takes place. After all, how could one possibly misunderstand the direction of time through which life events are ordered? How can we embark on a journey in which we arrive before departure? However, treating the Christmas oratorio as continuation of St Matthew passion is suggesting that Christmas occurs after Good Friday. We should note that from a theological perspective, assuming a Christian view, one can indeed make a case for the view that Christmas happens after Good Friday. Christmas occurring after Good Friday implies that Jesus is born after he is crucified. At this point, we should note that considering the implied message that Jesus is born after crucifixion, the situation is not too puzzling anymore. After all, assuming a Christian view, Jesus \emph{is} born after crucifixion, and it is nothing other than the story of his resurrection. The only remaining question then is: if Christmas is placed after Good Friday, then where do we put Easter?
Instead of invoking any sort of theological argument, our discussion takes musical observations as points of departure. Therefore, it should be made clear that, interpreting the Christmas oratorio as the continuation of St Matthew passion should be limited to music in scope. By the term continuation, we simply refer to a possible musical interpretation where the Christmas oratorio can be considered a purely musical continuation, as if in designing a concert program, it is musically fitting to place St Matthew passion in the first half and Christmas oratorio in the second half. In short, this discussion bears no theological implication, and religiously involved readers should not attempt to extend this discussion to any theological contexts. In fact, in order to focus on musical observations, we may safely assume that our hypothetical analyst carrying out this analysis of St Matthew passion and the Christmas oratorio is completely ignorant of Christianity. In particular, to our hypothetical analyst's knowledge, Christmas is about Santa with deer floating around to distribute gifts, and Good Friday is good as in good mood.
The five occurrences of ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden'' in St Matthew passion alone are musically intriguing. It seems that Bach's interest in the very chorale tune motivates him to incorporate the tune several more times. In another major sacred work, the Christmas oratorio (BWV 248), Bach incorporates the tune of ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden'' again, at two of the most crucial places of the entire work: the opening chorale (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv248 mov5}), and the finale (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv248 mov64}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-22T20_01_25-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, the Christmas Oratorio, BWV 248, movement 5 (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv248 mov5}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-22T20_05_28-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, the Christmas Oratorio, BWV 248, movement 64, excerpt indicating vocal entrance after extensive instrumental introduction (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv248 mov64}
\end{figure}
Without comparison to St Matthew passion, the analysis of the Christmas oratorio itself shows that the chorale tune is structurally important. As Durr comments:
\begin{quote}
{[}The{]} first and last chorales of the entire work, nos. 5 and 64, were sung to the same melody may have been intended by Bach as a form of thematic unification.\autocite[105]{durr2005cantatas}
\end{quote}
Given the chorale tune placed at the two temporal ends of the entire work which is gigantic in scale, we can express its structural importance in threefold layers.
The first layer of importance concerns the nature of placement. We should note that the structural importance of beginning and ending is universal to all works of music. In other words, the structural importance of beginning and ending is purely syntactical, without considering particular semantics. The reason for their importance may have root in psychology, as they greatly influence our perception of the entire piece. For example, for performers, the beginning and ending of an performance often require the most practice. They are not necessarily places that are musically or technically challenging. However, because they are the two places that definitively shape listeners' reception of the performance, performers need to invest considerable amount of practice to ensure that the beginning and ending of a performance are satisfactory. Now for the Christmas oratorio, even though technically the chorale tune does not appear in the very beginning. Instead, it appears as the fifth movement, before which the oratorio presents a chorus opening, two recitatives, and an aria. However, it is the first chorale of the entire oratorio. Given the performance tradition that listeners also participate in singing the chorale, we may arguably claim that its placement as the fifth movement does not hinder its role as the beginning of the oratorio.
The second layer of importance concerns the recurring contents. Given the syntactical importance of the beginning and ending, the structural importance is strengthened once we assign the same musical material to the beginning and ending. Upon placing the same musical material at the two temporal ends of a work, we obtain structural unity (or in Durr's comment, ``thematic unification''\autocite[105]{durr2005cantatas}) through recurrence. In particular, through reminiscence and recalling, listeners are able to relate the two temporal ends (which are the most important parts according to first layer of importance discussed above) in relation to musical events in between them. Additionally, one should take into consideration the scale of this oratorio: composed in six parts, the oratorio, to some extent, can be considered as a series of six cantatas. One of the implications is about performance: instead of being performed in a single occasion, the piece is often performed in a series of performances. For example, in Bach's time, the Christmas oratorio was intended to be performed ``over six different services from Christmas to Epiphany'',\autocite[44]{durr2005cantatas} corresponding to six major feast days. Counterintuitively, the multi-performance span of the work does not diminish the value of thematic unity brought by recurrence. In fact, the value of thematic unity is strengthened. In particular, upon hearing the vocal entrance of the finale, listeners immediately get a sense of long-range recalling: ``wait, we have heard of this melody a few weeks ago!''. Such recalling is more inevitable given the tradition that the chorale is actively performed by the listeners as well.
The third layer of importance concerns the finale as a full-fledged elaboration of the beginning chorale tune. In other words, the finale may be considered as an orchestral arrangement of the chorale tune. Metaphorically, the finale can be considered as an antiphonal dialogue between the orchestra and the choir, with instrumental and vocal parts alternating (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv248 mov64 annotated}). In particular, the chorale tune is interwoven with active instrumental accompaniments.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-22T23_32_11-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, the Christmas Oratorio, BWV 248, movement 64, opening, annotated to indicate interactions between instrumental and vocal parts (vocal score reduction)}
\label{fig:bach bwv248 mov64 annotated}
\end{figure}
We should note that such elaborate treatment of this chorale tune is unprecedented in the context of our discussion concerning its seven occurrences (five occurrences in St Matthew passion and two in the Christmas oratorio). In the other six occurrences, the role the instrumental parts is minimal: to provide harmonic support through basso continuo and melodic duplication. Without loss of generality, consider movement 62 in St Matthew passion in terms of its scoring (see figure \ref{fig:bwv244 mov62 scoring}). Because the role of instrumental parts is minimal, the scoring is particularly simple, as there is no need to write out the instrumental parts.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-22T23_19_54-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Bach, St Matthew Passion, BWV 244, movement 62 (NBA), incipit ``Wenn ich einmal soll scheiden'', beginning (full score)}
\label{fig:bwv244 mov62 scoring}
\end{figure}
In comparison, the role of instrumental parts is more active in the finale of the Christmas oratorio. Extending the dialogue metaphor above, the instrumental parts are now on an equal footing with the vocal parts, thus creating musical interactions (instead of mere harmonic support as in basso continuo) between the instrumental accompaniment and the vocal chorale.
How should we construe the relation between the opening chorale and the finale, in light of the active role of instrumental parts in the finale? We may invoke the exact idea of organicism discussed in chapter \ref{chapter:organicism}: the opening chorale is a germinating seed, through whose organic growth, it grows into a living organism, in which the dancing instrumental parts are its flesh and bones. The poetically organicist description continues:
\begin{quote}
In the finale, the instrumental parts are emancipated to attain musical autonomy. Now, the instrumental parts, being autonomous, have life of their own. Consequently, they can join the congregation in celebrating the ecstasy of eternal life.
\end{quote}
After asserting the structural importance of the chorale tune ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden'' in the Christmas oratorio, we now turn our discussion to comparison between the oratorio and St Matthew passion in relation to this chorale tune. Durr warns us about the potential pitfalls of relating the two works based on the common chorale tune:
\begin{quote}
Less likely is the theory that with this melody he wished to anticipate Christ's Passion. For the melody Herzlich tut mich verlangen {[}whose melody is identical to that of ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden''{]} was, at that time, not so closely connected with Paul Gerhardt's Passion hymn O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden in the consciousness of the congregation that this allusion would have been readily understood. Moreover, the tune was so commonly used in Leipzig for the hymn Wie soll ich dich empfangen that none of the listeners would have guessed that a special reference to the Passion lay behind it.\autocite[105]{durr2005cantatas}
\end{quote}
However, we may challenge his remark by noticing the salient resemblance between the opening chorale of the Christmas oratorio and the last (i.e.~fifth) occurrence of the chorale tune in St Matthew passion. In other words, the association is not based solely on the chorale \emph{melody} but its detailed \emph{harmonization} as well. In previous discussion, we claimed that the last occurrence of the chorale tune in St Matthew passion is unique among its occurrences. Therefore, here we focus on observations that enable us to group the last occurrence of the chorale tune in St Matthew passion and the opening chorale of the Christmas oratorio in one group through similarity, and distinguishing them from the other 4 occurrences in St Matthew passion through difference.
By comparing figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 mov62} and \ref{fig:bach bwv248 mov5} side by side, we observe that melodically one of the most salient similarities is the melodic contour in measure 3 characterized by sixteenth-note pattern (see figure \ref{fig:comparison bwv244 bwv248 measure3}). It is true that the two melodic contours are not identical, in the sense that the sixteenth-note pattern is placed on the second beat for the example in St Matthew passion and the third beat for the example in the Christmas oratorio. However, when comparing the melodic contour containing the sixteenth-note pattern found in the two examples in figure \ref{fig:comparison bwv244 bwv248 measure3} to the other occurrences (see figure \ref{fig:bach bwv244 melodic difference}), we find that the similarity characterized by the sixteenth-note pattern outweighs the difference.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-23T01_45_47-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Side by side comparison focusing on measure 3, annotated to indicate melodic contour, left: movement 62 of St Matthew passion, right: movement 5 of the Christmas oratorio}
\label{fig:comparison bwv244 bwv248 measure3}
\end{figure}
Hamonically, one of the most evident similarities is the key signature: both are in A minor. Most importantly, in addition to the shared key signature, they share the same harmonic ambiguity in the final cadence (see figure \ref{fig:comparison bwv244 bwv248 cadence}): a cadence whose ambiguous harmonic identity directly contributes to the open-endedness of St Matthew passion. In particular, as discussed above, it can either be a half cadence in the key of A minor, or a plagal cadence in the key of E minor. In fact, the harmonic similarity (or more precisely, identical harmonization) between their endings is the observation that enables us to claim that the two harmonizations must have been related intentionally by the composer. It would be very unlikely that the two harmonizations coincidentally share the same key signature in addition to the same harmonic ambiguity found in the ending.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-23T02_01_48-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Side by side comparison focusing on the final cadence, left: movement 62 of St Matthew passion, right: movement 5 of the Christmas oratorio}
\label{fig:comparison bwv244 bwv248 cadence}
\end{figure}
Additionally, from the perspective of compositional chronology, Christmas oratorio was composed a few years after St Matthew passion, therefore we may argue that there is little danger of intentional fallacy in speculating that Bach explicitly had St Matthew passion in mind when incorporating the chorale tune ``O Haupt voll Blut und Wunden'' in composing the Christmas oratorio.
Combining the musical similarity as well as speculation based on compositional chronology, we arrive at a seemingly peculiar conclusion: the Christmas oratorio can be viewed as continuation of St Matthew passion. In particular, the Christmas oratorio picks up exactly where St Matthew passion leaves off: the chorale harmonization characterized by the final plagal cadence.
With such interpretation, the puzzle of St Matthew passion is resolved: the incompleteness at the end of the passion continues into the Christmas oratorio, with whose unfolding, the incompleteness is finally completed and resolved in the finale, as the chorale tune has grown organically into the celebration of eternal life.
\subsection{Summary}
The musical case study discussed in this section illustrates the power of temporal asymmetry in relation to the notion of recurrence. In particular, our conclusion is that the Christmas oratorio admits a twofold interpretation:
\begin{itemize}
\item
When interpreted as Christmas oratorio by itself, it symbolizes Jesus' birth entailed by the meaning of Christmas
\item
When interpreted as continuation of St Matthew passion, it symbolizes Jesus' resurrection
\end{itemize}
The crux of the matter lies, unsurprisingly, at the arrow of time: the arrow of time alone has the ability to change how events are defined. Therefore, if we assign the Christmas oratorio different temporal placements in relation to St Matthew passion, its meaning shifts accordingly. Specifically, if the Christmas oratorio precedes St Matthew passion, as indicated by the liturgical calendar, then we have the theme of birth (as in newborn). Meanwhile, if the Christmas follows St Matthew passion, as indicated by our analysis, then we have the theme of resurrection.
\chapter{Delaying the climax}
The climax of a piece is often delayed due to the sheer force of our artistic passion. The statement starts as a metaphor. However, just as the arrow of time is as real as it is metaphorical, delaying the climax of a piece as a result of the arrow of time should also receive serious consideration.
As our discussion in chapter \ref{chapter:temporal arts as narrative} concludes, all temporal arts can be interpreted as instances of narrative. Additionally, core concepts of narrative should be universal to all temporal arts. Therefore, instead of considering concepts such as characters which are non-existent in music insofar as music is considered a non-representational art form, we focus on the psychological aspect of narrative whose description is more universal. In particular, we consider the description of narrative in terms of tension-release. Now, the climax refers to nothing other than the place in a narrative where the tension is maximal. Therefore, the discussion of climax, as a concept universal to all temporal arts, is meaningful in a musical discourse.
Whenever we speak of delaying the climax, we mean a dynamic process (i.e.~delaying) in which the climax is originally supposed to be somewhere in the middle. However, due to the mysterious artistic force, the climax is figuratively pushed to some later point in the piece (see figure \ref{fig:temporal asymmetry as displacement}), resulting in its delay. Therefore, what we are interested in is not simply the idea that the climactic point is not placed in the middle of a piece, but a complete description of the motion of the climactic point with which it gradually moves from its initial position to its final position.
In particular, the dynamic process that delays the climax can often be described as an expansion process by which a formal structure is expanded. In its general statement, the expansion delays the climax by expanding pre-climax parts, thus resulting in delayed climax.
The dynamic process of delaying the climactic point admits a threefold interpretation, focusing on performance perspective, analytical perspective, and historical perspective, respectively.
\section{Performance perspective: Rachmaninoff and his idea of unique climax}
As performers, we interpret the statement (that by the force of our artistic passion, the climax of a piece is often delayed) seriously because it has both real-world and aesthetic consequences: it can practically guide our playing to produce aesthetically appealing performances. When we speak of a thrilling and breath-taking performance, one way in which we can describe the performance is that the music is able to hold its tension. As a result of holding tension, listener's attention is also held captive, to the extent that the listener listens attentively without the slightest feeling of sleepiness. Consequently, we can naturally ask the question: what \emph{exactly} do we mean by holding the musical tension? Moreover, what is musical tension?
The subtlety of artistic expression implies that formulating a simple answer to the questions above is virtually impossible. However, we do know part of the answer: we know what musical tension is \emph{not} about. For example, tension has little to do with physical volume. In fact, one of the common mistakes students in instrumental lessons commit is to associate musical tension with fast speed and loud volume: whenever instructors say ``hold the musical tension'', then the playing tends to either speed up or increases volume. Meanwhile, experienced performers are able to maintain musical tension without necessarily producing loud volume. In fact, we may even hold our breath in startling performances of pianissimo passages or even silence. For example, consider the Beethoven's fourth piano concerto. The ending of the second movement (see figure \ref{fig:beethoven op58}) is breathtaking precisely because of its mystic quality, giving a sense of ethereal silence. However, such silence conveys no finality. Instead, the ascending gesture played by the piano in the last measure breaks the conclusiveness of the orchestral part. Specifically, the ascending gesture stirs up curiosity as well as hope, leaving the listeners in the psychological state of active anticipation.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-23T16_09_43-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Beethoven, Piano Concerto No.~4, Op. 58, second movement, ending}
\label{fig:beethoven op58}
\end{figure}
While analysts may be interested in the tonal trajectory in which the E-minor final chord of the second movement prepares the C major tonality in the next movement, pianists are often more interested in performance aspects with the goal of psychologically manipulating listeners' mentality (in a positive way). In this example, one detail is particularly noteworthy: the final sixteenth-note rest. Besides the stylistic feature that Beethoven is particularly exact with his notational intention such that rests must be understood and executed with rhythmic precision, performers in general take advantage of rests as a performance strategy to create musical tension. The tension here in fact can be translated to the listeners' muscle tension: when the sixteenth-note rest becomes the silent carrier of temporal suspense, good-hearted listeners become physically unable to move, afraid of producing noise that undermines such temporal suspense. Therefore, in instrumental lessons, instructors may metaphorically teach students about the musical tension at this very moment of sixteenth-note rest:
\begin{quote}
Imagine that listeners in the audience have candies at hand. Now your goal is to hold the musical tension especially at this sixteenth-note rest, to the extent that no one in the audience wishes to unwrap his/her candies, making the annoying noise.
\end{quote}
As seen in section \ref{section:tension-release as psychological narrative}, the difficulty in capturing musical tension verbally is partly because it does not exist in music, but in us. In other words, musical tension, as part of the tension-release model, describes our psychological response to musical events. Therefore, looking for tension in music scores almost always results in approximations: there is no quantity called musical tension per se inside music scores. As a result, it is virtually impossible to generally characterize musical tension by inspecting musical events alone. Instead, performers must study works on an individual basis to understand the specific meaning of musical tension in relation to the psychological response to individual musical events.
Therefore, instead of characterizing musical tension using musical parameters (or more precisely, acoustic parameters) such as dynamics, rhythm and timbre, we resort to descriptions of our subjective experience. Instead of asking what musical tension \emph{is}, we ask about what it \emph{does} musically. When performers are capable of holding musical tension, they convey a sense of proficiency of understanding and controlling the holistic structure of the piece, i.e.~the big-picture. In other words, the performance should appear organized (in addition to spontaneous) to the listeners through the performer's holistic grasp and control of the overall musical structure.
Specifically, one of the strategies to assert control of the overall musical structure is to sustain and control musical tension in order to present climactic moments that are carefully designed and prepared. In order to present climactic moments in ways that do not appear haphazard, one of the strategies is to insert a uniqueness condition: each piece should contain one and only one climax.
The uniqueness condition for climax is a useful performance strategy whose historical origin is hard to trace. Nevertheless, historically, we may observe that Rachmaninoff expresses this very idea as a pianist. As Dubal notices in his book ``The art of the piano'':
\begin{quote}
For Rachmaninoff, the musical syntax had to be precise and clear, everything building toward a specific ``point,'', as he called it, of climax. It was his main job as an interpreter to make that ``point'' clear to his audience. If he missed it, he considered the performance a failure, and he was known to be disconsolate after such concerts.\autocite[286]{dubal2004art}
\end{quote}
In fact, this remark might be the quintessential characterization of Rachmaninoff as a pianist. In the Grove article about Rachmaninoff, the section about Rachmaninoff as a performer is relatively brief in comparison to other sections in the article. However, within the relatively brief section, a considerable amount of discussion is dedicated to his idea of unique climax:
\begin{quote}
Whatever music he was playing, his performances were always carefully planned, being based on the theory that each piece has a `culminating point'. `This culmination', as he told the poet Marietta Shaginian, `may be at the end or in the middle, it may be loud or soft; but the performer must know how to approach it with absolute calculation, absolute precision, because, if it slips by, then the whole construction crumbles, and the piece becomes disjointed and scrappy and does not convey to the listener what must be conveyed' (quoted in Apetian, 1957).\autocite{RachmaninoffRakhmaninovRachmaninovSerge}
\end{quote}
From Rachmaninoff's words, we are reminded of the observations discussed previously: the climax is not about musical parameters appearing on score. Therefore, any attempts to characterize climax in terms of dynamics, rhythm and timbre are likely to fail, as climactic points in different pieces may exhibit completely different (even opposing) musical behaviors. Moreover, the idea of designing (or more precisely, albeit less musically, engineering) a unique climax for the entire piece conveys an organicist sense of purposiveness which is the very thesis of section \ref{section:music as fulfillment of purpose}. At this point, we already perceive a kind of directionality reminiscent of the arrow of time: by setting a moment in a piece as its unique climax, our goal as performers is to build our performance \emph{toward} (notice the implied directionality) the climax.
We should find Rachmaninoff's notion of climax similar to the notion of dramatic climax discussed in section \ref{section:unique orientability}. However, the similarity should not appear surprising because one of the central claims of chapter \ref{chapter:temporal arts as narrative} is to construe all temporal arts as instances of narrative. Therefore, Rachmaninoff's remark on the holistic structure of the performance can be considered in the light of dramatic structure discussed in section \ref{section:unique orientability}: a music performance can be itself considered a five-act tragedy, whose structure highlights the climax in relation to its preparation (i.e.~rising action) and its resolution (i.e.~falling action).
Given the unique climax in performing a piece we are then able to discuss how it is delayed. To this end, we resort to an analytical perspective through which performance is often informed. Specifically, we should note that even though the climax differs drastically in its musical behavior across different pieces, the choice of climax is nevertheless not arbitrary. In other words, performers cannot haphazardly roll a dice to determine which measure will be considered the climax because the performance interpretation must be largely informed by the analytical perspective of the piece. The correlation (albeit flexible, giving performers opportunities to express individuality) between compositional decision and performance decision is precisely the reason performers should be aware of analysis, theory, and composition (and vice versa, composers should be aware of performance practice and idioms).
\section{Analytical perspective: Schenkerian analysis}
Schenkerian analysis is arguably one of the most illustrative analytical approaches to give us insights about temporal asymmetry in relation to the placement of structural events in a piece. The reason for its illustrative power is straightforward: by relying on graphical representations of analysis (in the form of Schenkerian graphs), we can visualize temporal asymmetry by identifying pictorial asymmetry, offering a more intuitive grasp of temporal structure through visualization.
In particular, one of the peculiar characteristics of Schenkerian graphs is that, as the analysis dives into the background layer, notes start to cluster near the end. Without loss of generality, consider Salzer's Schenkerian graph produced to analyze Schubert's waltz, op. 18, no.~10 (see figure \ref{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs}).\autocite{salzer_1952_2} In the figure, the original excerpt is presented on the top (which can be viewed as the most foreground layer containing all surface details). Then, the graphs labeled using ``a'', ``b'' and ``c'' as a succession can be considered an analytical process in which we progressively dive from a foreground layer (graph labeled by ``a'') into a background layer (graph labeled by ``c''). Now, if we observe graph ``c'', we notice that chords remaining in the background layer correspond to, thanks to Salzer's visual alignment of graphs, mostly the second half of the excerpt. Specifically, the first half of the excerpt is uneventful in the sense that it is represented by a single harmony. On the contrary, the ending of the excerpt is eventful since the last three chords of the excerpt are all admitted into the background layer.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-24T00_11_16-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Schenkerian graphs analyzing Schubert's Waltz, Op. 18, No.~10, produced by Salzer}
\label{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs}
\end{figure}
The implication of this characteristic in Schenkerian analysis is the following: structurally important chords are mostly distributed in the second half of a piece. We should note that the term ``structurally important'' attains well-defined meaning: they are chords that survive into the background layer. In figure \ref{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs}, one observes that the succession of graphs ``a'', ``b'' and ``c'' effectively constitutes a reductional process, through which structurally less important chords are filtered out. Consequently, as we arrive at the background layer, only structurally important chords remain.
Before proceeding with our discussion, we need to briefly cover analytical approaches essential to Schenkerian analysis. As an analytical tool, Schenkerian analysis can be considered as a way of capturing and encoding the hierarchical structure of music that is intuitively understood by musicians. As Drabkin describes in his summary of Schenkerian analysis:
\begin{quote}
If one were to attempt to reduce Schenker's understanding of music to a single concept, ``hierarchy'' would perhaps be the best choice. For Schenker, music -- great music -- is tonal, and hence a composition is governed ultimately by its principal chord, the tonic triad; all other harmonic functions are subordinate to the tonic, and analysis must always make a distinction between essential and passing harmonies. Similarly, the notes of a melody can be described as either essential or transitional. Moreover, the notion of essential versus passing, of harmonic versus non-harmonic, applies not only to the surface of the music but informs the deeper levels, too: a harmony might be essential at one level but transitional at another, a passing note at one level might be the start of an important ``linear progression'' at another.\autocite[816]{drabkin_2002}
\end{quote}
For example of how musical hierarchy is understood without explicitly invoking any music theory, in teaching beginner level piano, instructors emphasize the importance of grouping running notes: running sixteenth notes should be grouped in units of four notes, such that accents occur per quarter note. Instructors may bring up the topic of grouping in the context of technique, such that students can play running notes with less muscle stiffness. However, grouping is also meaningful musically, as the playing is more appealing because the phrase now sounds less chaotic: instead of a collection of running notes, we are able to construe the phrase as overlaying running sixteenth notes (as elaboration) on top of a melody in quarter notes. In fact, such simplified example of grouping sixteenth notes can be considered a toy model to illustrate the analytical approach of Schenkerian approach. In Schenkerian terms, the running sixteenth notes make up the foreground layer, representing a shallow (as evident from the word ``surface'' as in musical surface) structural level of music. Meanwhile, the melody in quarter notes makes up a layer that is more background than the layer containing sixteenth notes. We can keep constructing layers that is increasingly more background until we arrive at a layer beyond which we cannot proceed deeper, in which case Schenker uses the term ``Ursatz'' to denote the most background layer.
As observed in figure \ref{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs}, we discover that asymmetrical distribution of structurally important chords as we move into the background layer toward the Ursatz. Given the observation, we can then naturally ask about the origin of the asymmetrical distribution: what is the musical cause responsible for the asymmetrical distribution of structurally important chords appearing in the background layer? In Schenkerian analysis, the answer is given by the notion of prolongation. However, in order to present the topic of prolongation in relation to the asymmetrical structure of the Ursatz, we need to introduce a shift in mindset.
\subsection{Top-down versus bottom-up approaches}
One of the most fascinating features of Schenkerian analysis is that it admits a pair of complementary interpretations: bottom-up and top-down. In this paper, we adopt the convention that the term ``bottom" denotes the shallowest structural level, and the term ``top" denotes the deepest structural level. The difference between the two interpretations amounts to reading the graphs in figure \ref{fig:salzer schenkerian graphs} in different directions: one can start from the top of the page, reading forward; meanwhile, one can start from the bottom of the page, reading backward. Conventionally from an analytical perspective, Schenkerian graphs are discussed from a bottom-up fashion. We are given a piece of music which is by definition the most foreground layer (i.e.~the bottom of hierarchical layers). As analysts, our goal is to analyze the given piece of music through reduction: through successive removal of foreground elements, we derive background layers that are simpler in the sense of containing fewer notes: borrowing Drabkin's terminology from the quote above,\autocite[816]{drabkin_2002} only the ``essential'' elements remain while ``passing/transitional'' ones are filtered out along the process of producing graphs for the background layer.
Meanwhile, Schenkerian analysis admits a top-down approach that is fundamentally more organicist. Instead of taking an analyst approach, we can instead take a creative approach where we are initially given the background layer. Then our goal is to produce foreground layer, embarking on a process that is essentially the time-reverse of the bottom-up approach discussed above: through successive addition of foreground elements, we derive a more elaborate foreground layer. In fact, word choice reveals different perspective. In Salzer's conception for example, instead of calling foreground elements passing or transitional, he extensively uses the term ``elaboration'' to denote foreground elements. As suggested by the very word ``elaboration'', the implied process must proceed from the background layer to a foreground one, in order to enable us to use the term ``elaboration'' as in elaboration \emph{of} something. It is with the mindset of this top-down approach that the Schenkerian idea of prolongation makes sense at all. According to the Grove article on the term ``Prolongation'', prolongation is ``the generation of the harmonic and contrapuntal substance of a piece by a linear elaboration of its fundamental structure (Ursatz)''.\autocite{grove_rolongation} Now, similar to the idea of elaboration, we need to move in the direction from the background to the foreground in order to understand prolongation as in prolongation \emph{of} the background layer.
It is worth emphasizing the organicist implication in the top-down approach. The process of obtaining foreground layers as elaboration of background Ursatz can be interpreted as a process of organic growth exactly as it is discussed in section \ref{section:music as growth}. In fact, we may arguably claim that Schenker's understanding of musical structure is based on this organicist top-down approach more heavily than the reductional bottom-up approach which is more analytically useful. In other words, it is true that the bottom-up and top-down approaches are equally justified insights concerning musical structure, Schenker nevertheless prefers the top-down approach. In particular, we may claim that Schenker construes Schenkerian graphs from a top-down perspective where the graphs are to be considered as an organic growth of the Ursatz. Schenker spells out such organicist view concerning the Ursatz multiple times. For example, in his discussion of the Urlinie (being the upper voice of Ursatz, can be considered as part of the Ursatz), he takes the background layer as point of departure through whose generative process we obtain foreground elaborations:
\begin{quote}
The Urlinie bears in itself the seeds of all the forces that shape tonal life. With the cooperation of the harmonic degrees, the Urlinie indicates the paths to all elaboration and so also to the composition of the outer voices, in whose intervals the marriage of strict and free composition is so wonderfully and mysteriously consummated.\autocite[21]{drabkin2004tonwille}
\end{quote}
Moreover, in discussing the idea of diminution as a form of prolongation, Schenker again explicitly invokes an organicist metaphor:
\begin{quote}
Diminution relates to the Urlinie as flesh in the bloom of life relates to a man's skeleton.\autocite[53]{drabkin2004tonwille}
\end{quote}
\subsection{Organicist consequence: temporal asymmetry as a result of prolongation}
\label{section:temporal asymmetry as a result of prolongation}
Using the top-down approach, Schenkerian analysis may be viewed as a description of a generative process in which the Ursatz organically grows into the foreground events we hear as listeners in concert. The generative process is to be understood as an active process of expansion. Music begins with a simple germinating seed called the Ursatz. Then, anthropomorphically, music attains its own will, through whose volition it grows according to generative rules called elaboration and prolongation.
Consequently, our observation that most of the chords in the background layer are distributed in the second half of a piece can be translated as follows: prolongation favors the beginning of Ursatz. In other words, elaboration occurs most intensively in the first half of a piece. Consequently, we invariably obtain temporal asymmetry in the form of delaying the climax: regardless of where the climax is originally placed, as a result of the expansive process, it is delayed as elaborations necessarily occupy durational extension. In light of music as an active process of expansion, we enumerate a few instances.
\subsection{Abstract schema for formal expansion}
The smallest meaningful formal unit can be labeled as ``AB'', representing a two-part division splitting the formal unit. Temporal asymmetry forces expansion of this formal unit to focus on elaboration and prolongation of part A.
\subsubsection{Expansion through left-replication: AB to AAB}
\label{section:left-replication}
One of the viable strategies of expanding the formal unit AB is induced by the \textbf{left-replication} operation. The operation replicates the leftmost component (namely, A) of the formal unit, resulting in a new formal unit: AAB. In short, the left-replication operation transforms AB into AAB.
\subsubsection{Example: bar form}
\label{section:bar form}
Just as ABA form is often associated with sonata form (with the exposition, the development, and the recapitulation commonly labeled by A, B, and A at the design level), AAB form is often associated with the term ``bar form''. According to the Grove article on this very term, it is considered ``one of the most common of all musical form genres''.\autocite{grove_barform} Given its real-world prevalence and importance, we are able to show that left-replication is effective in explaining a considerable portion of musical phenomena.
In the context of our discussion, bar form can be considered the canonic real-world application of left-replication, where the resulting form is explicitly spelled out and labeled as AAB. Moreover, left-replication offers additional insights: from the perspective of left-replication, we no longer understand the label AAB as mere labeling of segments of a piece. Instead, we understand AAB as a result of an active expansion (or borrowing terms from previous discussion, organic growth) of AB.
Furthermore, in light of left-replication, we can better appreciate the uniqueness of AAB form: its time-reverse counterpart, namely, ABB, does not exist as a widely-recognized form. From the perspective of left-replication, the lack of a time-reverse counterpart to AAB form translates exactly to the statement that there is no right-replication that can transform AB into ABB.
\subsubsection{Example: phrase structure}
\label{section:phrase structure}
One of the peculiar properties of bar form discussed in section \ref{section:bar form} is that it is not limited to description of musical forms. It can describe musical events at arbitrary organizational levels. As McClatchie quotes Lorenz's remark on the concept of bar form:
\begin{quote}
Just as the change of feeling can occur after two normal strophes of average length, so it can follow in even the tiniest musical shoots. . . . It can also just as well follow a gigantic, cumulative double intensification of great expanse. The essence of the Bar does not reside in the actual length, but in the distribution of its powers. Whether the Bar occupies 3 measures or 1000 is irrelevant; it is always a regular Bar if the aforementioned essence is fulfilled: a double appearance as against a single balancing occurrence of equal weight.\autocite{mcclatchie1998analyzing}
\end{quote}
In other words, we can consider other seemingly unrelated musical structures at various organizational levels in terms of bar form. In this section, we focus on phrase structure as an example of local musical structures. Based on Lorenz's remark on bar form, it should be possible to analyze phrase structure in terms of bar form, or in our generalized notion, left-replication.
It turns out that a particular type of phrase structure called the sentence can be considered exactly as phrase-level bar form. For a standard eight-measure phrase, a sentence is a type of phrase structure in which the first half (i.e.~the first four measures) consists of a repeated musical unit, while the second half consists of a holistic musical gesture as the continuation of the first half. The result of such division scheme is a phrase structure in the form (in the case of an eight-measure phrase) of 2+2+4. As Laitz remarks, one of the defining feature of sentence structure is its short-short-long pattern:
\begin{quote}
Whenever this rhetorical formal device of short-short-long (usually in the proportion 1:1:2) occurs within music, it is described as an instance of sentence structure.\autocite[310]{laitz2003complete}
\end{quote}
As a side note, if we compare Laitz's characterization of sentence structure with that of bar form by Lorenz, we can notice how both characterizations describe musical organizations which are essentially independent of specific levels of organization. In other words, just as bar form is not limited to describing formal structures, sentence structure is not limited to describing phrase-level structures. Therefore, we may equivalently claim that musical form with a structure of AAB can be considered exactly as form-level sentence structure.
In order to see how the 2+2+4 characterization of sentence structure can be considered equivalent to the AAB characterization of bar form, we need to explain how the 1:1:2 durational proportion suggests a grouping resembling the AAB scheme of bar form. In particular, we consider sentence structure with its musical content. One of the implications of the 1:1:2 durational proportion in sentence structure is the parallelism in content. In particular, the first half represented by the 1:1 durational proportion often accompanies parallelism in content as well. Therefore, the sentence structure is often characterized in terms of its content division: the 1:1:2 durational proportion corresponds to AAB indicating parallelism in musical content. For example, consider the opening theme of Schumann's ghost variations (see figure \ref{fig:schumann ghost variation}), the labeling of AAB has a twofold meaning: A and B represent short and long in durational values, respective; A and B represent parallelism in content such that AA denotes repetition (in this case, transposed repetition).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-24T23_42_18-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Schumann, Theme and Variations in E-flat major for piano, WoO 24, opening theme, annotated to indicate AAB structure}
\label{fig:schumann ghost variation}
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Example: Schenkerian interruption}
\label{section:schenkerian interruption}
A special type of Schenkerian prolongation is to prolong the Ursatz itself instead of particular elements of the Ursatz, resulting in the notion of interruption (see figure \ref{fig:schenkerian interruption}).\autocite{grove_interruption} The term interruption attains its meaning figuratively: the Urlinie represented by \(\hat3-\hat2-\hat1\) is interrupted so that it has to be reset and somehow start again, thus requiring ``a return to the starting-point of the fundamental structure''.\autocite{grove_interruption}
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-24T16_51_02-05_00.pdf}
\caption{The notion of interruption in Schenkerian analysis, quoting from the Grove article on ``Interruption'': ``The symbol for an interruption is a double stroke on the same line as the capped arabic numerals representing the melodic scale steps of the fundamental line (Urlinie). {[}\ldots{]} The dominant that immediately precedes the interruption is called the Divider.''}
\label{fig:schenkerian interruption}
\end{figure}
Alternatively, instead of a figurative interpretation where interruption interrupts a progression, the interruption can be interpreted as an example of left-replication, where the Ursatz originally labeled as AB is expanded by replicating the A section, resulting in an AAB structure (see figure \ref{fig:schenkerian interruption annotated}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.5\textwidth]{res/2021-11-24T16_53_52-05_00.pdf}
\caption{The notion of interruption in Schenkerian analysis, annotated to illustrate the left-replication operation which transforms AB into AAB}
\label{fig:schenkerian interruption annotated}
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Example: repetition of exposition in sonata-allegro form}
One of the most conventional ways of labeling sonata-allegro form is ABA. However, such labeling potentially falls victim to the pitfall of notation. Specifically, analysts often overlook one of the most important features of sonata form: the repetition of exposition. On the contrary, performers are consciously aware of its importance because one has to consciously decide whether to play the repetition, and if so, how to keep listeners engaged. Repetition of exposition is one of the pitfalls of notation again. Analysis is heavily based on notated score. However, as repetition sign in notated score takes up virtually no space, it is often neglected.
In the book ``Elements of sonata theory'', authors make similar warnings about downplaying the role of repeated exposition:
\begin{quote}
{[}Repeat{]} signs should not be taken for granted, passed over lightly in analysis, or omitted in performance. Repeat signs are never insignificant. Block-repetitions are an integral component of the style, and composers can work with this defining convention in a variety of ways.\autocite[21]{hepokoski2006elements}
\end{quote}
Consequently, in describing sonata form, an alternative description is to analyze with repetitions written-out, in which case the ABA form is expanded to AABA form. Such process of expansion is an example of left-replication: the leftmost component is replicated in expanding the form.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-24T19_10_23-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A schematic diagram illustrating the correspondence between Schenkerian interruption and sonata form}
\label{fig:diagram interruption sonata form}
\end{figure}
It is worth noting the relationship between sonata form and Schenkerian interruption discussed in section \ref{section:schenkerian interruption}. In particular, Schenkerian interruption is often invoked to explain sonata form: the recapitulation in sonata form corresponds to the moment of interruption (see figure \ref{fig:diagram interruption sonata form}). In other words, ``the return to the starting-point of the fundamental structure corresponds to the beginning of the recapitulation in the musical foreground''.\autocite{grove_interruption}
Alternatively, we may describe the relationship from the perspective of left-replication. Both the Schenkerian interruption and sonata form are examples of left-replication where an AB section is expanded to AAB. Additionally, we should realize that in this case, we obtain a different way of understanding sonata form in terms of Schenkerian interruption. Instead of relating the moment of interruption to the recapitulation as in figure \ref{fig:diagram interruption sonata form}, we treat repeat of exposition as structurally important to be included in the analysis, resulting in the correspondence between the moment of interruption and the moment of exposition repeat (see figure \ref{fig:diagram interruption sonata form AABA}).
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=\textwidth]{res/2021-11-24T19_26_08-05_00.pdf}
\caption{A schematic diagram offering an alternative interpretation (compare to figure \ref{fig:diagram interruption sonata form}) of formal structure as a consequence of incorporating exposition repeat into formal analysis}
\label{fig:diagram interruption sonata form AABA}
\end{figure}
\section{Historical perspective: maximalism}
Delaying the climax of a piece can also be viewed as a historical process, in which the placement of the climax gradually shifts to a later moment in the piece as history progresses in time. In particular, the historical evolution of musical form is often related to the formal expansion in scale. Peculiarly, the formal expansion does not preserve durational proportion between formal parts. Just like the left-replication operation discussed in section \ref{section:left-replication} and effect of prolongation discussed in section \ref{section:temporal asymmetry as a result of prolongation}: formal expansion favors the beginning more than the ending. Therefore, delaying the climax is one of the symptoms of formal expansion, as most of the expanded material lies before or at the climactic point, but not after. Now, formal expansion as a dynamic process in which the climactic point is delayed attains a historical perspective: the mysterious artistic force mentioned in the beginning of this chapter is to be understood as a historical force.
\subsection{Historical description}
One of the developmental trends in music history, especially during the late-Romanticism period, is termed by Taruskin as ``maximalism''. According to him, the term maximalism is defined concisely as ``the radical intensification of means toward traditional expressive ends''.\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century} Even though for Taruskin, the term maximalism refers to a very specific stylistic trend within a very specific time period, namely, within ``the period 1890--1914'',\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century} we can nevertheless see how the idea of maximalism is applicable to music history in general precisely because virtually everything can be maximized: maximalism is about radical intensification of means, but what these means refer to is up to our own interpretation. However, for the purpose of our discussion, we focus on a very specific aspect of maximalism: the temporal aspect of which delayed climax is a result.
Given maximalism as intensification of means toward ends, Taruskin then elucidates means and ends in detail:
\begin{quote}
What were the traditional ends given radically intensified or maximalized expression? Pound has already mentioned emotional expression, one of the prerequisites of romantic art. Another, from the very beginning of romanticism, was a sense of religious awe in the presence of the sublime. A third, sometimes an ally of the other two but potentially a subversive diversion (hence the most essentially ``modernist'') was sensuality.\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century}
\end{quote}
From Taruskin's characterization of expressive ends, we should recognize its emphasis on the psychological aspect of music. The emphasis should remind us of the discussion in section \ref{section:tension-release as psychological narrative}, whose very thesis is that narrative universal to all temporal arts must be based on our subjective experience of the artwork, in particular, tension-release. Therefore, we may notice that the three aspects of traditional ends (namely, emotional expression, religious awe in the presence of the sublime, and sensuality) are all descriptions of our emotional reactions to artworks, which are nothing but manifestations of tension-release. In fact, because of the emphasis on the psychological aspect in characterizing expressive ends concerning maximalism, the topic of maximalism benefits from the universality in describing our subjective experience discussed in section \ref{section:tension-release as psychological narrative}: because our emotional states are universal in the sense of being style-agnostic and insensitive to time periods, the topic of maximalism can be addressed outside the time period it originally intends to represent. For example, trying to talk about maximalism in Renaissance music appears less anachronistic than talking about futurism in Baroque music, precisely because the themes of maximalism (i.e.~emotional expression, religious awe in the presence of the sublime, and sensuality) are timeless.
On the other hand, means in the context of maximalism are more specific. According to Taruskin:
\begin{quote}
What were the intensified means? One involved the two dimensions in which musical works exist, the temporal and the sonorous {[}\ldots{]} Turning musical works into awe-inspiring mountains---by extending their length, amplifying their volume, and complicating their texture---became an obsession. Another way of amplifying the sense of musical space {[}\ldots{]} was to increase the range and maneuverability of ``tonal navigation,'' that is, the range of key relationships. Yet another area {[}\ldots{]} was the sheer level of tolerable (or at least tolerated) dissonance, and even more important, the postponement of its resolution.\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century}
\end{quote}
Even though specific compositional devices vary in achieving intensified means, we nevertheless find that intensified means enumerated by Taruskin share a common ground: there is a sense of expansion resulting from maximizing whatever musical parameters of interest. One of the most direct means is to expand in temporal scale. As observable from Taruskin's enumeration of intensified means, expansion in temporal scale makes its appearance twice: the first appearance occurs when Taruskin mentions ``the two dimensions in which musical works exist, the temporal and the sonorous'',\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century} and the second occurs when he spells out ``the postponement of {[}the dissonance's{]} resolution''.\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century} The twice appearance of expansion in temporal scale suggests that it is one of the indispensable elements of maximalism, at least in Taruskin's description.
It should not be surprising that expansion in temporal scale should be an (if not the most) important theme of maximalism. After all, maximalism is nothing other than the radical intensification of emotional intensity (whether it is passion, awe, or whatever else). Now, manipulating the temporal dimension of music is exceptionally effective in emotional intensification precisely because one's emotional state in response to music is primarily shaped by the interplay between memory and anticipation. Given a piece of music, its temporal dimension is the determining factor of memory and anticipation because they are possible only in relation to the concept of past and future.
A particular strategy to expand in temporal scale is to focus on the preparation of the climax. As discussed in the beginning of this chapter, the climax is well-defined and meaningful in a musical discourse because it is conceptually based on tension-release, whose focus on the psychological aspect of narrative gives rise to a description universal to all temporal arts. Consequently, the preparation of the climax is also well-defined and meaningful in a musical discourse.
In analytical descriptions of sonata form, the preparation of the climax, i.e.~formal component that leads into the climactic moment, attains a specific name: the retransition. Therefore, it would be unsurprising that in discussing maximalism using the example of Mahler's second symphony, Taruskin pays special attention to the retransition:
\begin{quote}
The best place to look to observe Mahler's response to it is the moment that traditionally carried the highest charge in a symphonic first movement: the ``retransition'' to the recapitulation, where sufficient ``dominant tension'' had to be generated to motivate a ``double return'' commensurate in strength to the length and range of the preceding development.\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century}
\end{quote}
In Taruskin's discussion, he focuses on the aspect of harmony to explain maximalism through intensified dissonance. However, it is equally noteworthy to observe the temporal effect of this section of repeated dissonant chord: repetition as sustaining (or more precisely, accumulating) tension (see figure \ref{fig:mahler 2 retransition}). In particular, we should note how the repeated dissonant chords as additionally inserted (i.e.~they could have been repeated fewer times if not for the sake of maximalism) musical materials, essentially stretches the retransition, thus prolonging the development section within the sonata form.
\begin{figure}[!h]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=.8\textwidth]{res/2021-11-25T23_53_08-05_00.pdf}
\caption{Mahler, Symphony No.~2, first movement, retransition before the recapitulation, annotated to highlight the repeating dissonant chords as expanded retransition delaying the arrival of the climactic point}
\label{fig:mahler 2 retransition}
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Evolution of form as a process of expansion}
In fact, the retransition in the Mahler excerpt above as an example of maximalism can be put in a larger historical trend. As discussed above, maximalism is, to some extent, universal that it is not limited to the specific time period of 1890-1914 as Taruskin indicates. Instead, it can be considered as a continuation or extension of an ongoing historical trend: evolution of musical form as a process of expansion. In other words, the historical tendency to intensify emotional expression has always been one of the historical trends. Meanwhile, maximalism in the narrow sense defined by Taruskin is simply an intensification of this very trend, whose degree of intensity is alarming enough for us to spell out the specialized term ``maximalism''.
Therefore, delaying the climax, or more precisely, formal expansion whose result is delayed climax, can be considered as a theme applicable to the evolution of form in general. With this interpretation, maximalism in the sense defined by Taruskin is simply the climactic point of the evolution of form, when the evolution here is itself interpreted as a historical narrative.
As aforementioned, a particular strategy of expansion is to prolong the preparation of the climax. For sonata form, this strategy translates to the expansion of the development section. As Hepokoski and Darcy observe in their book ``Elements of sonata theory'':
\begin{quote}
The development is variable in length, although in the period 1760 -- 90 one would normally expect it to occupy a smaller space than that established by the exposition. Longer, more elaborate developments in the 1780s, 1790s, and later decades are monumentalized statements that invite special attention.\autocite[19]{hepokoski2006elements}
\end{quote}
Besides expansion of the development section, there are other ways to delay the climax by expanding pre-climax parts. For example, the development of repetition scheme can be interpreted as an expansion of pre-climax parts:
\begin{quote}
Within eighteenth-century sonatas and symphonies one may find both parts repeated (\textbar\textbar: exposition :\textbar\textbar: development -- recapitulation :\textbar\textbar). This is the most formal and earliest norm. Many late-century first movements, especially those after about 1760, repeat only the first part (the exposition), although in works prior to 1790 one need not be surprised to see the second part also repeated. After that date, repeating the second part is an uncommon gesture that invites analytical interpretation. It is also possible to find both parts unrepeated. This occurs in lighter works {[}\ldots{]} Nonrepeated expositions within first movements do sometimes occur in more broadly scaled and ambitious works after 1780, but when they do {[}\ldots{]} they are exceptional and need to be considered as consciously expressive choices.\autocite[20]{hepokoski2006elements}
\end{quote}
We can summarized the above observation as follows: the repetition of exposition is more resilient to omission over time. In particular, the repetition of the second part as a norm is discarded first. Meanwhile, the omission of repeating the first part is often associated with works smaller in scale. Therefore, for large-scale works, the most common repetition scheme is to repeat the first part but not the second. The result is an expansion of pre-climax parts. Before the climax (i.e.~the retransition leading into the recapitulation), we encounter a repeated exposition. Meanwhile, after the climax, because of the lack of repetition, we only encounter an unrepeated recapitulation.
\subsection{Organicist interpretation}
\label{section:organicist interpretation}
The evolution of form as a process of expansion also admits an organicist interpretation analogous to that in section \ref{section:temporal asymmetry as a result of prolongation}. In particular, the evolution of form is to be understood as an organic growth (with the term ``organic growth'' discussed in section \ref{section:music as growth}) of form. For example, we may thus construe the evolution of sonata form as a process of growth. The simple binary form is the embryonic stage of sonata form. Then, through the will of music history, sonata form expands in scale, passing through stages of expanding the exposition, development and other parts as its organs. Finally, it reaches its adulthood: the monumental sonata form associated with maximalism.
Moreover, history of music is anthropomorphized to attain purpose (with the term ``purpose'' discussed in section \ref{section:music as fulfillment of purpose}), through whose volition musical forms grow and expand. In fact, we may claim that history is the field where the writing style invoking anthropomorphism which lies at the heart of organicism has its etymological origin. In particular, the purposiveness crucial to an organicist understanding of music has its etymological root in an teleological understanding of history: the will of history is the driving force behind all musical development.
With such organicist interpretation, we are able to understand maximalism under a new light. Taruskin already hints upon the connection between maximalism and degeneracy. For example, he quotes Pound's comment in introducing maximalism:
\begin{quote}
This is the whole flaw of ``emotional'' music. It is like a drug: you must have more drug, and more noise each time, or this effect, this impression which works from the outside, in from the nerves and sensorium upon the self---is no use, its effect is constantly weaker and weaker.\autocite{taruskin2006music_early_20th_century}
\end{quote}
Moreover, he quotes Clara Schumann's reaction to Wagner's Tristan und Isolde, which is considered an example of maximalism as well:
\begin{quote}
It is not emotion that the opera portrays, it is a disease, and they tear their hearts out of their bodies, while the music expresses it all in the most nauseous manner.\autocite{taruskin2009oxford_19century}
\end{quote}
With an organicist view, we can better understand why people often associate maximalism with degeneracy. When maximalism is described using organicist terms, organic growth is turned into pathological mutation, and volition is turned into greed.
Consequently, we arrive at a poetic conclusion. The evolution of musical form is understood as a process of organic growth through expansion. One of the results of expansion is delaying the climax. The gradually delayed climax gives us an increasingly clear image of the arrow of time, as we can see its force and effect on moving the climax. Now we naturally wonder: what does the arrow of time do? Maximalism points us to an answer: the destructive tendency of our universe. Meanwhile, physicists arrive at the same answer.
\part*{Postlude}
\addcontentsline{toc}{part}{Postlude}
\chapter{Arrow of time in relation to organicism}
\epigraph{The spectre of time hovers, whose arrow tries to cast death and destruction. With cheerful laughter, we escaped. The running brooks carry us home, where nine-tailed foxes sing joyfully.}
If we are to trace the origin of temporal asymmetry, then it is nowhere to be found but in us: intelligent agents who are able to possess as well as reflect on life. Evidently the statement is an exaggeration since the cosmological arrow of time, i.e.~the expansion of the universe, is hardly about us. However, the crux of the matter is as follows. On the one hand, our possession of life, i.e.~the characteristics that enable us to identify life-bearing entities, is determined by temporal asymmetry in the form of entropy. As discussed in section \ref{section:life in relation to the arrow of time}, life can be characterized as entities who strive to evade the destructive tendency of the universe by actively maintaining a low-entropy state. On the other hand, as we reflect on the organic quality of music in terms of the expansion of musical forms, we see the arrow of time at work: the climax is delayed as a result of the organic growth of formal structures. Meanwhile, as maximalism discussed in section \ref{section:organicist interpretation} warns us, the end of such growth is the same as the effect of time's arrow: eventual destruction at world's end.
As discussed in section \ref{section:temporal asymmetry in narrative}:
\begin{quote}
The history of the universe is nothing but another form of story-telling.
\end{quote}
Poetically, we may then interpret the evolution of the universe as the unfolding of an five-act tragedy. It is a tragedy because we readily see the destructive force that underlies the story's unfolding. Through the tragic force the protagonist is brought to inevitable destruction. Similarly, through the arrow of time, the universe is brought to the eventual state of maximal entropy. Finally, maximalism in music informs us that the sheer musical tension created by delaying the climax exhausts our emotional capacity, resulting in an emotional breakdown.
How are we to handle this tragic force of destruction? One of the most organicist answers is found in the very value of tragedy itself: catharsis. According to Aristotle, the value of tragedy is to purify the soul ``through pity and fear''\autocite{aristotle_poetics} invoked by the tragic force. Consequently, the destructive tendency of the universe is poetically resolved:
\begin{quote}
The organic growth of musical form delays the climax, resulting in an catharsis at the retransition before the recapitulation. The sheer power of elevated musical tension results in our emotional breakdown. The breakdown purifies our soul, such that when we reach the recapitulation, we are back home (tonally and spiritually).
\end{quote}
\part*{Appendices}
\addcontentsline{toc}{part}{Appendices}
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} | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 1,107 |
I would like to say a million thanks to Dr Dan, Dr Bascombe, the female anaesthetist and also the female doctor (name unknown) who took me to the washroom late in the night, and the rest of Dr Dan's surgical team who assisted in some way or other in making my surgery on April 4 a success.
I would also like to say thanks to Dr Julien Charles (Accident and Emergency), radiographer Vasha Binda, and the nurses and cleaner of Ward 7 Surgical.
I know the suffering at San Fernando General Hospital, but it was the first time I got excellent service.
Thanks very much, and do keep up the good work.
Does your last name Binda, and that of the radiographer being the same, have anything to do with the 'excellent service' you are praising? Just asking... you know in Trinidad, is still 'who you know' that determines service. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 592 |
Пуэрто-риканская украшенная черепаха () — вид североамериканских водных черепах. Имеет 3 подвида. Получила видовое латинское название в честь норвежско-американского зоолога Леонарда Штейнегера.
Общая длина карапакса достигает 24—27,3 см. Наблюдается половой диморфизм: самки крупнее самцов. Голова небольшая. Карапакс широкий, плоский, с небольшим килем посередине. Пластрон довольно плоский.
На серо-оливковой голове, шее и лапах имеются белые продольные полосы. Карапакс чёрно-коричневого цвета с узкой жёлтой каймой по краю. Пластрон полностью жёлтый, или с тёмным рисунком. На краевых щитках могут быть бледно-оливковые окружности.
Подвиды различаются карапаксом и окраской. У Trachemys stejnegeri stejnegeri — карапакс удлинённый, умеренно куполообразный. Кожа коричневая или коричнево-оливковая, частично пятнистая. Узор на пластроне занимает большую часть поверхности щитков. У Trachemys stejnegeri vicina кожа серовато-оливковая. Узор на пластроне располагается только вдоль швов. Иногда есть «глазки» на щитках. У Trachemys stejnegeri malonei карапакс овальный, эллипсообразной, высокий и куполообразный. Кожа серая или оливковая. Пластрон чисто жёлтый или с тёмным узором вдоль швов, иногда присутствуют тёмные пятна на горловых щитках.
Любит пресные и солоноватые водоёмы, иногда находится во временных дождевых лужах. Питается рыбой, моллюсками, ракообразными, насекомыми.
При ухаживании самец плывет перед самкой и щекочет её подбородок длинными когтями. Успех спаривания зависит от количества осадков в данном году. Спариваются в период с апреля по июль. Гнездо — замаскированная округлая ямка глубиной в центре 63—77 мм и около 10 см в диаметре. Самка откладывает 10—14 белых удлинённых яиц с мягкой скорлупой размером 38—48 x 22—31 мм. Инкубационный период длится 57—79 дней. Черепашата появляются в августе и сразу же движутся к воде. Они имеют длину 31—35 мм и ярче окрашены, чем взрослые особи. За сезон бывает до 3 кладок.
Живёт на островах Большой Инагуа (Багамские острова), о. Нью-Провиденс, Гаити, Пуэрто-Рико.
Подвиды
Trachemys stejnegeri stejnegeri
Trachemys stejnegeri malonei
Trachemys stejnegeri vicina
Примечания
Литература
Powell, R. & Henderson, R.W. 2003. A second set of addenda to the checklist of West Indian Amphibians ad Reptiles. Herpetological Review 34 (4): 341—345
Wermuth, H., and R. Mertens. 1961. Schildkröten, Krokodile, Brückenechsen. Gustav Fischer Verlag, Jena. 422 pp.
Американские пресноводные черепахи
Животные, описанные в 1928 году
Пресмыкающиеся Северной Америки
Штейнегер
Эндемики Северной Америки | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 9,021 |
\section{Introduction}
Automated program repair holds out the promise of saving debugging costs and patching buggy programs more quickly than humans. Given this great potential, there has been a surge of research on automated program repair in recent years and several different techniques have been proposed (\cite{genprog,semfix,nopol,tsepei,long2017automatic}). These techniques differ in various ways, such as the kinds of used oracles and the fault classes they target\footnote{In this paper, we use ``fault'' and ``bug'' interchangeably.} (\cite{Monperrus2015}).
Among the many different techniques proposed, one widely studied family of techniques is called test suite based repair. Test suite based repair starts with some passing tests as the specification of the expected behavior of the program and at least one failing test as a specification of the bug to be repaired, and aims at generating patches that make all the tests pass. Depending the patch generation strategy, test suite based repair can further be informally divided into two general categories: generate-and-validate techniques and synthesis-based techniques. Generate-and-validate techniques use certain methods such as genetic programming to first generate a set of candidate patches, and then validate the generated patches against the test suite. Representative examples in this category include GenProg (\cite{genprog}), PAR (\cite{kim2013automatic}) and SPR (\cite{spr}). Synthesis-based techniques first use test execution information to build a repair constraint, and then use a constraint solver to synthesize a patch. Typical examples in this category include SemFix (\cite{semfix}), Nopol (\cite{nopol}), and Angelix (\cite{Mechtaev:2016:ASM:2884781.2884807}). Empirical studies have shown the promise of test suite based repair techniques in tackling real-life bugs in real-life systems. For instance, GenProg (\cite{genprog}) and Angelix (\cite{Mechtaev:2016:ASM:2884781.2884807}) can generate repairs for large-scale real-world C programs, while ASTOR (\cite{astor2016}) and Nopol (\cite{nopol}) have given encouraging results (\cite{defects4j-repair}) on a set of real-life Java programs from the Defects4j benchmark (\cite{JustJE2014}).
However, test suites are in essence input-output specifications and are therefore typically inadequate for completely specifying the expected behavior.
Consequently, the patches generated by test suite based program repair techniques pass the test suite, yet may be incorrect. The patches that are overly specific to the used test suite and fail to generalize to other tests are called overfitting patches (\cite{smith2015cure}). Overfitting indeed threats the validity of test suite based repair techniques and some recent studies have shown that a significant portion of the patches generated by test suite based repair techniques are overfitting patches (\cite{smith2015cure,qi2015efficient,defects4j-repair,leoverfitting}).
In this paper, we deeply analyze the overfitting problem in program repair and identify two kinds of overfitting issues: incomplete fixing and regression introduction. Our empirical evaluation shows that both kinds of overfitting issues are common. Based on the overfitting issues that an overfitting patch has, we further define three kinds of overfitting patches. This characterization of overfitting will help the community to better understand the overfitting problem in program repair, and will hopefully guide the development of techniques for alleviating overfitting.
We further propose an approach called UnsatGuided, which aims to alleviate the overfitting problem for synthesis-based techniques. Given the recent significant progress in the area of automatic test generation, UnsatGuided makes use of automatic test case generation technique to obtain additional tests and then integrate the automatically generated tests into the synthesis process. The intuition behind UnsatGuided is that additional automatically generated tests can supplement the manually written tests to strengthen the repair constraint, and synthesis-based techniques can thus use the strengthened repair constraint to synthesize patches that suffer less from overfitting. To generate tests that can detect problems besides \textit{crashes} and \textit{uncaught exceptions}, state-of-art automatic test generation techniques generate tests that include assertions encoding the behavior observed during test execution on the current program. By using such automatic test generation techniques on the program to be repaired, some of the generated tests can possibly assert buggy behaviors and these tests with wrong oracles can mislead the synthesis process. UnsatGuided tries to identify and discard tests with likely wrong oracles through the idea that if the additional repair constraint from a generated test has a contradiction with the repair constraint established using the manually written test suite, then the generated test is likely to be a test with wrong oracle.
We analyze the effectiveness of UnsatGuided with respect to alleviating different kinds of overfitting issues. We then set up an empirical evaluation of UnsatGuided, which uses Nopol (\cite{nopol}) as the synthesis-based technique and EvoSuite (\cite{ESECFSE11}) as the automatic test case generation technique. The evaluation uses 224 bugs of the Defects4J repository (\cite{JustJE2014}) as benchmark. The results confirm our analysis and show that UnsatGuided 1) is effective in alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction for 16/19 bugs; 2) does not break already correct patches; 3) can help a synthesis-based repair technique to generate additional correct patches.
To sum up, the contributions of this paper are:
\begin{itemize}
\item An analysis of the overfitting problem in automated program repair and a classification of overfitting.
\item An approach, called UnsatGuided, to alleviate the overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques.
\item An analysis of the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating different kinds of overfitting issues, and the identification of deep limitations of using automatic test case generation to alleviate overfitting.
\item An empirical evaluation of the prevalence of different kinds of overfitting issues on 224 bugs of the Defects4J repository, as well as an extensive evaluation of the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating the overfitting problem.
\end{itemize}
The remainder of this paper is structured as follows. We first present related work in Section 2. Section 3 first provides our analysis of the overfitting problem and the classification of overfitting issues and overfitting patches, then gives the algorithm of the proposed approach UnsatGuided, and finally analyzes the effectiveness of UnsatGuided. Section 4 presents an empirical evaluation of the prevalence of different kinds of overfitting issues and the effectiveness of UnsatGuided, followed by Section 5 which concludes this paper.
This paper is a major revision of an Arxiv preprint (\cite{Yu2017Test4Repair}).
\section{Related Work}
\subsection{Program Repair}
Due to the high cost of fixing bugs manually, there has been a surge of research on automated program repair in recent years. Automated program repair aims to correct software defects without the intervention of human developers, and many different kinds of techniques have been proposed recently. For a complete picture of the field, readers can refer to the survey paper (\cite{Monperrus2015}). Generally speaking, automated program repair involves two steps. To begin with, it analyzes the buggy program and uses techniques such as genetic programming (\cite{genprog}), program synthesis (\cite{semfix}) and machine learning (\cite{prophet}) to produce one or more candidate patches. Afterwards, it validates the produced candidate patches with an oracle that encodes the expected behavior of the buggy program. Typically used oracles include test suites (\cite{genprog, semfix}), pre- and post-conditions (\cite{Weitse}), and runtime assertions (\cite{Perkins2009}). The proposed automatic program repair techniques can target different kinds of faults. While some automatic program techniques target the general types of faults and do not require the fault types to be known in advance, a number of other techniques can only be applied to specific types of faults, such as null pointer exception (\cite{SANER2017}), integer overflow (\cite{Brumley07}), buffer overflow (\cite{dsn2014}), memory leak (\cite{memoryfixing}), and error handling bugs (\cite{errorhandlingFSE}).
\subsection{Test Suite Based Program Repair}
Among the various kinds of program repair techniques proposed, a most widely studied and arguably the standard family of techniques is called test suite based repair. The inputs to test suite based repair techniques are the buggy program and a test suite, which contains some passing tests as the specification of the expected behavior of the program and at least one failing test as a specification of the bug to be repaired. The output is one or more candidate patches that make all the test cases pass. Typically, test suite based repair techniques first use some fault localization techniques (\cite{tarantula,sober,yzxicse,YuIST,yuhase,predicateswitching}) to identify the most suspicious program statements. Then, test suite based repair techniques use some patch generation strategies to patch the identified suspicious statements. Based on the used patch generation strategy, test suite based repair techniques can further be divided into generate-and-validate techniques and synthesis-based techniques.
Generate-and-validate repair techniques first search within a search space to generate a set of patches, and then validate them against the test suite. GenProg (\cite{genprog}), one of the earliest generate-and-validate techniques, uses genetic programming to search the repair space and generates patches that consist of code snippets copied from elsewhere in the same program. PAR (\cite{kim2013automatic}) shares the same search strategy with GenProg but uses 10 specialized patch templates derived from human-written patches to construct the search space. RSRepair (\cite{rsrepair}) has the same search space as GenProg but uses random search instead, and the empirical evaluation shows that random search can be as effective as genetic programming. AE (\cite{6693094}) employs a novel deterministic search strategy and uses program equivalence relation to reduce the patch search space. SPR (\cite{spr}) uses a set of predefined transformation schemas to construct the search space, and patches are generated by instantiating the schemas with condition synthesis techniques. Prophet (\cite{prophet}) applies probabilistic models of correct code learned from successful human patches to prioritize candidate patches so that the correct patches could have higher rankings. Given that most of the proposed repair systems target only C code, jGenProg, as implemented in ASTOR (\cite{astor2016}), is an implementation of GenProg for Java code.
Synthesis-based techniques first use the input test suite to extract a repair constraint, and then leverage program synthesis to solve the constraint and get a patch. The patches generated by synthesis-based techniques are generally by design correct with respect to the input test suite.
SemFix (\cite{semfix}), the pioneer work in this category of repair techniques, performs controlled symbolic execution on the input tests to get symbolic constraints, and uses code synthesis to identify a code change that makes all tests pass. The target repair locations of SemFix are assignments and boolean conditions. To make the generated patches more readable and comprehensible for human beings, DirectFix (\cite{directfix}) encodes the repair problem into a partial Maximum Satisfiability problem (MaxSAT) and uses a suitably modified Satisfiability Modulo Theory (SMT) solver to get the solution, which is finally converted into the concise patch. Angelix (\cite{Mechtaev:2016:ASM:2884781.2884807}) uses a lightweight repair constraint representation called "angelic forest" to increase the scalability of DirectFix. Nopol (\cite{nopol}) uses multiple instrumented test suite executions to synthesize a repair constraint, which is then transformed into a SMT problem and a feasible solution to the problem is finally returned as a patch. Nopol addresses the repair of buggy \emph{if} conditions and missing preconditions. S3 (\cite{S3FSE}) aims to synthesize more generalizable patches by using three components: a domain-specific language (DSL) to customize and constrain search space, an enumeration-based search strategy to search the space, and finally a ranking function to rank patches.
While test suite based repair techniques are promising, an inherent limitation of them is that the correctness specifications used by them are the test suites, which are generally available but rarely exhaustive in practice. As a result, the generated patches may just overfit to the available tests, meaning that they will break untested but desired functionality. Several recent studies have shown that overfitting is a serious issue associated with test suite based repair techniques. Qi et al. (\cite{qi2015efficient}) find that the vast majority of patches produced by GenProg, RSRepair, and AE avoid bugs simply by functionality deletion. A subsequent study by Smith et al. (\cite{smith2015cure}) further confirms that the patches generated by GenProg and RSRepair fail to generalize. The empirical study conducted by Martinez et al. (\cite{defects4j-repair}) reveals that among the 47 bugs fixed by jGenProg, jKali, and Nopol, only 9 bugs are correctly fixed. More recently, the study by Le et al. (\cite{leoverfitting}) again confirms the severity of the overfitting issue for synthesis-based repair techniques. Moreover, the study also investigates how test suite size and provenance, number of failing tests, and semantics-specific tool settings can affect overfitting issues for synthesis-based repair techniques. Given the seriousness and importance of the overfitting problem, Yi et al. (\cite{correlationstudy}) explore the correlation between test suite metrics and the quality of patches generated by automated program repair tetchiness, and they find that with the increase of traditional test suite metrics, the quality of the generated patches also tend to improve.
To gain a better understanding of the overfitting problem in program repair, we conduct a deep analysis of it and give the classification of overfitting issues and overfitting patches. We wish the classifications can facilitate future work on alleviating the overfitting problem in program repair. In addition, given the recent progress in the area of automatic test generation, we investigate the feasibility of augmenting the initial test suite with additional automatically generated tests to alleviate the overfitting problem. More specifically, we propose an approach called UnsatGuided, which aims to alleviate the overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques. The effectiveness of UnsatGuided for alleviating different kinds of overfitting issues is analyzed and empirically verified, and we also point out the deep limitations of using automatic test generation to alleviate overfitting.
In the literature, there are several works that try to use test case generation to alleviate the overfitting problem in program repair. Xin and Reiss (\cite{qixinISSTA}) propose an approach to identify overfitting patches through test case generation, which generates new test inputs that focus on the semantic differences brought by the patches and relies on human beings to add oracles for the inputs. Yang et al. (\cite{yangFSE}) aim to filter overfitting patches for generate-and-validate repair techniques through a framework named \emph{Opad}, which uses fuzz testing to generate tests and relies on two inherent oracles, crash and memory-safety, to enhance validity checking of generated patches. By heuristically comparing the similarity of different execution traces, Liu et al. (\cite{liu2017}) also aim to identify overfitting patches generated by test suite based repair techniques. UnsatGuided is different from these works. On the one hand, these three works all try to use generated tests to identify overfitting patches generated by test suite based repair techniques and the generated tests are not used by the run of the repair algorithm itself. However, our aim is to improve the patch generated using manually written test suite and the generated tests are used by the repair algorithm to supplement the manually written test suite so that a better repair specification can be obtained. On the other hand, our work does not assume the specificity of the used oracle while the work by Xin and Reiss (\cite{qixinISSTA}) uses the human oracle and the work by Yang et al. (\cite{yangFSE}) uses the crash and memory-safety oracles.
\subsection {Automatic Test Case Generation}
Despite tests are often created manually in practice, much research effort has been put on automated test generation techniques. In particular, a number of automatic test generation tools for mainstream programming languages have been developed over the past few years. These tools typically rely on techniques such as random test generation, search-based test generation and dynamic symbolic execution.
For Java, Randoop (\cite{randoop}) is the well-known random unit test generation tool. Randoop uses feedback-directed random testing to generate unit tests, and it works by iteratively extending method call sequences with randomly selected method calls and randomly selected arguments from previously constructed sequences. As Randoop test generation process uses a bottom-up approach, it cannot generate tests for a specific class. Other random unit test generation tools for Java include JCrasher (\cite{jcrasher}), CarFast (\cite{carfast}), T3 (\cite{Prasetya2014}), TestFul (\cite{testful}) and eToc (\cite{Tonella:2004:ETC:1013886.1007528}). There are also techniques that use various kinds of symbolic execution, such as symbolic PathFinder (\cite{Pasareanu:2010:SPS:1858996.1859035}) and DSC (\cite{Islam:2010:DTC:1868321.1868326}). EvoSuite (\cite{ESECFSE11}) is the state-of-art search-based unit test generation tool for Java and can target a specific class. It uses an evolutionary approach to derive test suites that maximize code coverage, and generates assertions that encode the current behavior of the program.
In the C realm, DART (\cite{godefroid2005dart}), CUTE (\cite{sen2005cute}), and KLEE (\cite{cadar2008klee}) are three representatives of automatic test case generation tools for C. Symbolic execution is used in conjunction with concrete execution by these tools to maximize code coverage. In addition, Pex (\cite{Tillmann:2008:PWB:1792786.1792798}) is a popular unit test generation tool for C\# code based on dynamic symbolic execution.
\section{Analysis and Alleviation of the Overfitting Problem}
\label{sec:analysis}
In this section, we first introduce a novel classification of overfitting issues and overfitting patches. Then, we propose an approach called UnsatGuided for alleviating the overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques. We finally analyze the effectiveness of UnsatGuided with respect to different overfitting kinds and point out the profound limitation of using automatic test generation to alleviate overfitting.
\subsection{Core Definitions}
Let us reason about the input space $I$ of a program $P$.
We consider modern object-oriented programs, where an input point is composed of one or more objects, interacting through a sequence of methods calls.
In a typical repair scenario, the program is almost correct and thus
a bug only affects the program behavior of a portion of the input domain, which we call the ``buggy input domain'' $I_{bug}$.
We call the rest of the input domain, for which the program behaviors are considered correct as $I_{correct}$.
By definition, a patch generated by an automatic program repair technique has an impact on program behaviors, i.e., it changes the behaviors of a portion of the input domain. We use $I_{patch}$ to denote this input domain which is impacted by a patch. For input points within $I_{bug}$ whose behaviors have been changed by a patch, the patch can either correctly or incorrectly change the original buggy behaviors. We use $I_{patch=}$ to denote the input points within $I_{bug}$ whose behaviors have been incorrectly changed by a patch, i.e., the newly behaviors of these input points brought by the patch are still incorrect. Meanwhile, we use $I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}}$ to denote the input points within $I_{bug}$ whose behaviors have been correctly changed by a patch. If the patch involves changes to behaviors of input points within $I_{correct}$, then the original correct behaviors of these input points will undesirably become incorrect and we use $I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}}$ to denote these input points within $I_{correct}$ broken by the patch. Obviously, the union of $I_{patch=}$, $I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}}$ and $I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}}$ makes up $I_{patch}$.
For simplicity, hereafter when we say some input points within $I_{bug}$ are repaired by a patch, we mean the original buggy behaviors of these input points have been correctly changed by the patch. Similarly, when we say some input points within $I_{correct}$ are broken by a patch, we mean the original correct behaviors of these input points have been incorrectly changed by the patch.
Note as a patch generated by test suite based program repair techniques, the patch will at least repair the input points corresponding to the original failing tests. In other words, the intersection of $I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}}$ and $I_{bug}$ will always not be empty ($I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}} \cap I_{correct} \neq \emptyset $).
\subsection{Classification of Overfitting}
For a given bug, a perfect patch repairs all input points within $I_{bug}$ and does not break any input points within $I_{correct}$.
However, due to the incompleteness of the test suite used to drive the repair process, the generated patch may not be ideal and just overfit to the used tests.
Depending on how a generated patch performs with respect to the input domain $I_{bug}$ and $I_{correct}$, we define two kinds of overfitting issues, which are consistent with the problems for human patches introduced by Gu et al (\cite{Guicse}).
\vspace{1.5mm}
\textbf{Incomplete fixing}: Some but not all input points within $I_{bug}$ are repaired by the generated patch. In other words, $I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}}$ is a proper subset of $I_{bug}$ ($I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}} \subset I_{bug}$).
\vspace{1.5mm}
\textbf{Regression introduction}: Some input points within $I_{correct}$ are broken by the generated patch. In other words, $I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}}$ is not an empty set ($I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}} \neq \emptyset $).
\vspace{1.5mm}
Based on these two different kinds of overfitting issues, we further define three different kinds of overfitting patches.
\begin{figure}
\centering
\includegraphics[scale=0.389]{figure-emse.pdf}
\caption{
A-Overfitting patch is a partial patch on a portion of the buggy input domain.
B-Overfitting patch breaks correct behaviors outside the buggy input domain.
AB-Overfitting patch partially fixes the buggy input domain and also breaks some correct behaviours.
}
\label{fig:ibug_overfitting}
\end{figure}
\vspace{1.5mm}
\textbf{A-Overfitting patch}: The overfitting patch only has the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing ($I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}} \subset I_{bug} \land I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}} = \emptyset$). This kind of overfitting patch can be considered as a ``partial patch''. It encompasses the worst case where there is one single failing test and the overfitting patch fixes the bug only for the input point specified in this specific failing test.
\vspace{1.5mm}
\textbf{B-Overfitting patch}: The overfitting patch only has the overfitting issue of regression introduction ($I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}} = I_{bug} \land I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}} \neq \emptyset$). Note that this kind of overfitting patch correctly repairs all input points within the buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ but at the same time breaks some already correct behaviors of the buggy program under repair.
\vspace{1.5mm}
\textbf{AB-Overfitting patch}: The overfitting patch has both overfitting issues of incomplete fixing and regression introduction at the same time ($I_{patch{\text{\ding{51}}}} \subset I_{bug} \land I_{patch{\text{\ding{55}}}} \neq \emptyset$). This kind of overfitting patch correctly repairs some but not all input points within the buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ and also introduces some regressions.
\vspace{1.5mm}
\autoref{fig:ibug_overfitting} gives an illustration of these three different kinds of overfitting patches. This characterization of overfitting in program repair is independent of the technique presented in this paper and can be used by the community to better design techniques to defeat the overfitting problem.
\subsection{UnsatGuided: Alleviating the Overfitting Problem for Synthesis-based Repair Techniques}
In this section, we propose an approach called UnsatGuided, which aims to alleviate the overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques. The approach aims to strengthen the correctness specification so that the resulting generated patches are more likely to generalize over the whole input domain.
It achieves the aim by using additional tests generated by an automatic test case generation technique.
We first give some background knowledge about automatic test case generation techniques and then give the details of the proposed approach.
\subsubsection{The Bug-exposing Test Problem}
In the context of regression testing, automatic test case generation techniques typically use the current behavior of the program itself as the oracle (\cite{randoop,Xietaoecoop})\footnote{We do no uses the techniques that generate assertions from runs of different program versions (\cite{TaoDiffGenAR,EvansFSE}).}.
We consider those typical regression test generation techniques in this paper and denote an arbitrary technique as $T_{reg}$.
For a certain buggy version, $T_{reg}$ may generate both input points within the buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ and the correct input domain $I_{correct}$. For instance, suppose we have a calculator which incorrectly implements the \texttt{add} function for achieving the addition of two integers. The code is buggy on the input domain $(10, \_)$ (where \_ means any integer except 0) and is implemented as follows:
\begin{lstlisting}
add(x,y) {
if (x == 10) return x-y;
else return x+y;
}
\end{lstlisting}
First, assume that $T_{reg}$ generates a test in the correct input domain $I_{correct}$, say for input point $(5,5)$.
The resulting test, which uses the existing behavior as oracle, will be \texttt{assertEquals(10, add(5,5))}.
Then consider what happens when the generated test lies in $I_{bug}$, say for input point $(10,8)$. In this case, $T_{reg}$ would generate the test \texttt{assertEquals(2, add(10,8))}.
If the input point of a generated test lies in $I_{bug}$, the synthesized assertion will assert the presence of the actual buggy behavior of the program under test, i.e., the generated assertion encodes the buggy behavior.
In such a case, if the input point of a generated test lies in $I_{bug}$, it is called a ``bug-exposing test'' in this paper.
Otherwise, the test is called a ``normal test'' if its input point lies in $I_{correct}$.
In the context of test suite based program repair, the existence of bug-exposing tests is a big problem. Basically, if a repair technique finds a patch that satisfies bug-exposing tests, then the buggy behavior is kept. In other words, it means that some of the generated tests can possibly enforce bad behaviors related with the bug to be repaired.
\subsubsection{UnsatGuided: Incremental Test Suite Augmentation for Alleviating the Overfitting Problem for Synthesis-based Repair Techniques}
\label{sec:example}
The overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques such as SemFix and Nopol arises because the repair constraint established using an incomplete test suite is not strong enough to fully express the intended semantics of a program.
Our idea is to strengthen the initial repair constraint by augmenting the initial test suite with additional automatically generated tests. We wish that a stronger repair constraint would guide synthesis-based repair techniques towards better patches, i.e., patches that are correct or at least suffer less from overfitting.
The core problem to handle is the possible existence of bug-exposing test(s) among the tests generated by an automatic test case generation technique. We cannot directly supply all of the generated tests to a synthesis-based repair technique because bug-exposing tests can mislead the synthesis repair process and force incorrect behaviors to be synthesized.
To handle this core conceptual problem, we now present an approach called UnsatGuided, which gradually makes use of the new information provided by each automatically generated test to build a possibly stronger final repair constraint. The key underlying idea is that if the additional repair constraint enforced by an automatically generated test has logical contradictions with the repair constraint established so far, then the generated test is likely to be a bug-exposing test and is discarded.
\paragraph{Example}
To help understanding, we use the following toy program to illustrate it. The inputs are any integers and there is an error in the condition which results in buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ = \{5, 6, 7\}.
Suppose we use component based repair synthesis (\cite{JhaICSE}) to synthesize the correct condition, and to make the explanation easy, we further assume the available components include only variable x, the relational operators < (less than) and > (greater than), logical operator \&\& (logical and), and finally any integer constants. For the three buggy inputs, regression test generation technique $T_{reg}$ considered in this paper can generate bug-exposing tests \texttt{assertEquals(4, f(5))}, \texttt{assertEquals(5, f(6))}, and \texttt{assertEquals(6, f(7))}. Each test is of the form \texttt{assertEquals(${O}$,${f(I)}$)}, which specifies that the expected return value of the program is ${O}$ when the input is ${I}$. For other input points, manually written tests and tests generated by $T_{reg}$ are the same. Each test \texttt{assertEquals(${O}$,${f(I)}$)} will impose a repair constraint of the form ${x}$=${I}$$\rightarrow$${f(I)=O}$. The repair constraint imposed by a set of tests $\{t_{i}|$\texttt{assertEquals($O_{i},f(I_{i})$)},$1\leqslant i\leqslant N\}$ will be $\bigwedge\limits_{i=1}^N$ (${x}$=$I_{i}$$\rightarrow$${f(I_{i})=O_{i}}$). The repair constraint and available components are then typically encoded into a SMT problem, and a satisfying SMT model is then translated back into a synthesized expression which provably satisfies the repair constraint imposed by the tests. To achieve the encoding, techniques such as concrete execution (\cite{nopol}) and symbolic execution (\cite{semfix}) can be used.
\begin{lstlisting}
int f(int x) {
if (x>0&&x<5) //faulty, correct condition should be (x>0&&x<8)
x++;
else
x--;
return x;
}
\end{lstlisting}
For this example, suppose the manually written tests \texttt{assertEquals(-1, f(0))}, \texttt{assertEquals(2, f(1))}, \texttt{assertEquals(8, f(7))}, and \texttt{assert Equals(9, f(10))} are provided initially. Using the repair constraint $( x = 0 $ $\rightarrow f \left( 0 \right) = - 1) \wedge \left( x = 1 \rightarrow f \left( 1 \right) = 2 \right) \wedge \left( x = 7 \rightarrow f \left( 7 \right) = 8 \right) \wedge \left( x = 10 \rightarrow f \left( 10 \right) = 9 \right)$ enforced by these tests, the synthesis process can possibly synthesize a condition if (x>0 \&\& x<10), which is not completely correct as the repair constraint enforced by the 4 manual tests is not strong enough.
If a bug-exposing test such as \texttt{assertEquals(4,f(5))} is generated by $T_{reg}$ and the repair constraint ($x=5\rightarrow f(5)=4$) imposed by it is added, the synthesis process cannot synthesize a condition as there is a contradiction between the repair constraint imposed by it and that imposed by the 4 manual tests. The contradiction happens because according to the the repair constraint imposed by manual tests and the available components used for synthesis, the calculation of any integer input between 1 and 7 should follow the same branch as integer inputs 1 and 7, consequently the return value should be 6 (not 4) when the integer input is 5. The core idea of UnsatGuided is to detect those contradictions and discard the bug exposing tests such as \texttt{assertEquals(4, f(5))}.
However, if a normal test such as \texttt{assertEquals(7, f(8))} is generated by $T_{reg}$ and the repair constraint ($x=8\rightarrow f(8)=7$) imposed by it is added, there is no contradiction and a stronger repair constraint can be obtained, which will enable the synthesis process to synthesize the correct condition if (x>0 \&\& x<8) in this specific example. The core idea of UnsatGuided is to keep those valuable new tests for synthesizing and validating patches.
\paragraph{Algorithm}
\begin{algorithm}[t]
\begin{algorithmic}[1]
\REQUIRE{A buggy program $P$ and its manually written test suite $TS$}
\REQUIRE{A synthesis-based repair technique $T_{synthesis}$ and the time budget $TB$}
\REQUIRE{An automatic test case generation tool $T_{auto}$}
\ENSURE{A patch $pt$ to the buggy program $P$}
\STATE{$pt_{initial} \leftarrow T_{synthesis}(P, TS, TB)$}
\IF{$pt_{initial} = null$}
\STATE{$pt \leftarrow null$}
\ELSE
\STATE{$AGTS \leftarrow \emptyset$}
\STATE{$pt \leftarrow pt_{initial}$}
\STATE{$TS_{aug} \leftarrow TS$}
\STATE{$t_{initial} \leftarrow getPatchGenTime(T_{synthesis}(P, TS, TB))$}
\STATE{$\{file_{i}\}(i=1,2,...,n) \leftarrow getInvolvedFiles(pt_{initial})$ }
\FOR{$i=1$ to $n$}
\STATE{$AGTS \leftarrow AGTS \cup T_{auto}(P, file_{i})$}
\ENDFOR
\FOR{$j=1$ to $|AGTS|$}
\STATE{$t_j \leftarrow AGTS(j)$}
\STATE{$TS_{aug} \leftarrow TS_{aug} \cup \{t_j\}$}
\STATE{$pt_{intern} \leftarrow T_{synthesis}(P, TS_{aug}, t_{initial} \times 2)$}
\IF{$pt_{intern} \neq null$}
\STATE{$pt \leftarrow pt_{intern}$}
\ELSE
\STATE{$TS_{aug} \leftarrow TS_{aug} - \{t_j\} $}
\ENDIF
\ENDFOR
\ENDIF
\RETURN{$pt$}
\end{algorithmic}
\caption{: Algorithm for the Proposed Approach UnsatGuided}
\label{alg:2}
\end{algorithm}
Algorithm \autoref{alg:2} describes the approach in detail. The algorithm takes as input a buggy program \emph{P} to be repaired, a manually written test suite \emph{TS} which contains some passing tests and at least one failing test, a synthesis-based repair technique $T_{synthesis}$, a time budget \emph{TB} allocated for the execution of $T_{synthesis}$, and finally an automatic test case generation tool $T_{auto}$ which uses a certain kind of automatic test case generation technique $T_{reg}$. The output of the algorithm is a patch \emph{pt} to the buggy program \emph{P}.
The algorithm directly returns an empty patch if $T_{synthesis}$ generates no patches within the time budget (lines 2-3). In case $T_{synthesis}$ generates an initial patch $pt_{initial}$ within the time budget, the algorithm first conducts a set of initialization steps as follows: it sets the automatically generated test suite \emph{AGTS} to be an empty set (line 5), sets the returned patch \emph{pt} to be the initial patch $pt_{initial}$ (line 6), sets the augmented test suite $TS_{aug}$ to be the manually written test suite \emph{TS} (line 7), and gets the time used by $T_{synthesis}$ to generate the initial patch $pt_{initial}$ and sets $t_{initial}$ to be the value (line 8). Algorithm \autoref{alg:2} then identifies the set of files \{$file_i$\}(\emph{i}=1, 2,..., \emph{n}) involved in the initial patch $pt_{initial}$ (line 9) and for each identified file, it uses the automatic test case generation tool $T_{auto}$ to generate a set of tests that target behaviors related with the file and adds the generated tests to the automatically generated test suite \emph{AGTS} (lines 10-12).
Next, the algorithm will use the test suite \emph{AGTS} to refine the initial patch $pt_{initial}$. For each test $t_j$ in the test suite \emph{AGTS} (line 14), the algorithm first adds it to the augmented test suite $TS_{aug}$ (line 15) and runs technique $T_{synthesis}$ with test suite $TS_{aug}$ and new time budget $t_{initial} \times 2$ against program \emph{P} (line 16). The new time budget is used to quickly identify tests that can potentially contribute to strengthening the repair constraint, and thus improve the scalability of the approach. Then, if the generated patch $pt_{intern}$ is not an empty patch, the algorithm updates the returned patch \emph{pt} with $pt_{intern}$ (lines 17-18). In other words, the algorithm deems test $t_j$ as a good test that can help improve the repair constraint. Otherwise, test $t_j$ is removed from the augmented test suite $TS_{aug}$ (lines 19-20) as $t_j$ is either a bug-exposing test or it slows down the repair process too much. After the above process has been completed for each test in the test suite \emph{AGTS}, the algorithm finally returns patch \emph{pt} as the desirable patch (line 24).
\emph{Remark}: Note for a certain synthesis-based repair technique $T_{synthesis}$ that is used as the input, UnsatGuided does not make any changes to the patch synthesis process of $T_{synthesis}$ itself. In particular, most current synthesis-based repair techniques use component based synthesis to synthesize the patch, including Nopol (\cite{nopol}), SemFix (\cite{semfix}), Angelix (\cite{Mechtaev:2016:ASM:2884781.2884807}). For component-based synthesis, one important problem is selecting and using the build components. UnsatGuided keeps the original component selection and use strategy implemented by each synthesis-based repair technique.
In addition, the order of trying each test in the test suite \emph{AGTS} matters. Once a test is deemed as helpful, it is added to the augmented test suite $TS_{aug}$ permanently and may impact the result of subsequent runs of other tests. The algorithm currently first uses the size of the identified files involved in the initial patch to determine the test generation order. The larger the size of an identified file, the earlier the test generation tool $T_{auto}$ will generate tests for it. We first generate tests for big files as big files, in general, encode more logic compared to small files, thus tests generated for them are more important. Then, the algorithm uses the creation time of generated test files and the order of tests in a generated test file to prioritize tests. The earlier a test file is created, the earlier its test(s) will be tried by the algorithm. And if a test file contains multiple tests, the earlier a test appears in the file, the earlier the algorithm will try it. Future work will prioritize generated tests according to their potential to improve the repair constraint.
\subsection{Analysis of UnsatGuided}
\label{sec:analysis-unsatguided}
UnsatGuided uses additional automatically generated tests to alleviate the overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques. The performance of UnsatGuided is mainly affected by two aspects. On the one hand, it is affected by how the synthesis-based repair techniques perform with respect to the original manually written test suite, i.e., it depends on the overfitting type of the original patch. On the other hand, it is affected by whether or not the automatic test case generation technique generates bug-exposing tests. Let us dwell on this.
For ease of presentation, the initial repair constraint enforced by the manually written test suite is referred to as $RC_{initial}$, and the repair constraints enforced by the normal and bug-exposing tests generated by an automatic test case generation technique are referred to as $RC_{normal}$ and $RC_{buggy}$ respectively. Note due to the nature of test generation technique $T_{reg}$, $RC_{buggy}$ is wrong. Also, we use $P_{original}$ to denote the original patch generated using the manually written test suite by a synthesis-based repair technique. Finally, we also use the example program in \autoref{sec:example} to illustrate the key points of our analysis.
(1) \textbf{$P_{original}$ is correct}. In this case, $RC_{initial}$ is in general strong enough to drive the synthesis-based repair techniques to synthesize a correct patch. If the automatic test generation technique $T_{reg}$ generates bug-exposing tests, $RC_{buggy}$ will have contradictions with $RC_{initial}$ (note $RC_{buggy}$ is wrong) and UnsatGuided will recognize and discard these bug-exposing tests. Meanwhile, $RC_{normal}$ is likely to be already covered by $RC_{initial}$ and is not likely to make $P_{original}$ become incorrect by definition. It can happen that the synthesis process coincidentally synthesizes a correct patch even though $RC_{initial}$ is weak, but this case is relatively rare. Thus, UnsatGuided generally will not change an already correct patch into an incorrect one.
For the example program in \autoref{sec:example}, suppose the manually written tests \texttt{assertEquals(-1, f(0))}, \texttt{assertEquals(2, f(1))}, \texttt{assert Equals(8, f(7))}, and \texttt{assertEquals(7, f(8))} are provided. In this case, the synthesis process can already use the repair constraint imposed by these 4 tests to synthesize the correct condition if (x>0 \&\& x<8). Even if a bug-exposing test such as \texttt{assertEquals(4, f(5))} is generated, the repair constraint imposed by it will have a contradiction with the initial repair constraint (because it is impossible to synthesize a condition that satisfies the repair constraint imposed by all the 5 tests). Consequently, UnsatGuided will discard this bug-exposing test.
(2) \textbf{$P_{original}$ is A-overfitting}. In this case, $RC_{initial}$ is not strong enough to drive the synthesis-based repair techniques to synthesize a correct patch. More specifically, $RC_{initial}$ is in general strong enough to fully reflect the desired behaviors for correct input domain $I_{correct}$ but does not fully reflect the desired behaviors for all input points within buggy input domain $I_{bug}$. If the automatic test generation tool generates bug-exposing tests, the additional repair constraint enforced by a certain bug-exposing test does not necessarily have contradictions with $RC_{initial}$. If this happens, UnsatGuided is not able to identify and discard this kind of bug-exposing tests, and the synthesis process will be driven towards keeping the buggy behaviors corresponding to the bug-exposing tests. However, note this does not mean that the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing is worsened. If the behavior enforced by the kept bug-exposing test is already covered by the original patch, then it is likely that the synthesis process is not driven towards finding a new alternative solution and the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing remains the same. If the behavior enforced by the bug-exposing test is not covered by the original patch, then the synthesis process is likely to return a new solution. While the new solution indeed covers the new behavior enforced by the kept bug-exposing test, it can possibly generalize more over the whole $I_{bug}$ compared to the original patch. Thus, the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing can both be worsened and improved if a new solution is returned. Meanwhile, the normal tests generated by $T_{reg}$ by definition are not likely to be able to give additional repair constraints for input points within $I_{bug}$.
Overall, for an A-overfitting patch, UnsatGuided is likely to have minimal positive impact and can coincidentally have a negative impact.
To illustrate, assume the provided manually written tests are \texttt{assertEquals (-1, f(0))}, \texttt{assertEquals(2,f(1))}, \texttt{assertEquals(7,f(6))}, and \texttt{assert Equals(7, f(8))} for the example program in \autoref{sec:example}. Using the repair constraint enforced by these tests, the synthesis process can possibly synthesize the condition if (x>0 \&\& x<7), which is A-overfitting. Suppose bug-exposing test \texttt{assertE quals(4, f(5))} is generated, it will be discarded as the repair constraint imposed by it will make the synthesis process unable to synthesize a patch. However, if bug-exposing test \texttt{assertEquals(6, f(7))} is generated, it will be kept as there is no contradiction between the repair constraint enforced by it and that enforced by the manual tests and the synthesis process can successfully return a patch. In this specific case, even though the bug-exposing test is kept, the synthesized patch is not likely to change as the behavior enforced by the bug-exposing test is already covered by the original patch. In other words, the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing remains the same as the original patch.
(3) \textbf{$P_{original}$ is B-overfitting}. In this case, $RC_{initial}$ is also not strong enough to drive the synthesis-based repair techniques to synthesize a correct patch. In particular, $RC_{initial}$ is in general strong enough to fully reflect the desired behaviors for buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ but does not fully reflect the desired behaviors for all input points within correct input domain $I_{correct}$. In case the automatic test generation tool generates bug-exposing tests, $RC_{buggy}$ is likely to have contradictions with $RC_{initial}$ (note $RC_{initial}$ is in general strong enough for input points within $I_{bug}$). Thus, UnsatGuided will identify and discard these bug-exposing tests. Meanwhile, $RC_{normal}$ can supplement $RC_{initial}$ to better or even fully reflect the desired behaviors for input points within $I_{correct}$. Therefore, UnsatGuided can effectively help a B-overfitting patch reduce the overfitting issue of regression introduction, and can possibly turn a B-overfitting patch into a real correct one.
For the example program in \autoref{sec:example}, assume the manually written tests \texttt{assertEquals(-1, f(0))}, \texttt{ assertEquals(2, f(1))}, \texttt{assertEquals(8, f(7))}, and \texttt{assertEquals(9, f(10))} are provided. Using the repair constraint enforced by these tests, the synthesis process can possibly synthesize the condition \texttt{if (x>0 \&\& x<10)}, which is B-overfitting. If bug-exposing test \texttt{assert Equals(5, f(6))} is generated, UnsatGuided will discard it as the repair constraint imposed by it will make the synthesis process unable to synthesize a patch. If a normal test such as \texttt{assertEquals(8, f(9))} is generated by $T_{reg}$, it provides additional repair constraint for input points within $I_{correct}$ and can possibly help the synthesis process to synthesize the condition \texttt{if (x>0 \&\& x<9)}, which has less overfitting issue of regression introduction compared to the original patch. In particular, if the normal test \texttt{assertEquals(7, f(8))} is generated by $T_{reg}$, this test will help the synthesis process to synthesize the exactly correct condition if (x>0 \&\& x<8).
(4) \textbf{$P_{original}$ is AB-overfitting}. This case is a combination of case (2) and case (3). UnsatGuided can effectively help an AB-overfitting patch reduce the overfitting issue of regression introduction, but has minimal positive impact on reducing the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing. Note as bug-exposing tests by definition are not likely to give additional repair constraints for input points within the correct input domain $I_{correct}$, so the strengthened repair constraints for input points within $I_{correct}$ are not likely to be impacted even if some bug-exposing tests are generated and not removed by UnsatGuided. In other words, UnsatGuided will still be effective in alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction.
Assume we have the manually written tests \texttt{assertEquals(-2, f(-1))}, \texttt{assertEquals(2, f(1))}, \texttt{assertEquals(7, f(6))}, and \texttt{assertEquals(7, f(8))} for the example program in \autoref{sec:example}. Using the repair constraint enforced by these tests, the synthesis process can possibly synthesis the condition if (x>-1 \&\& x<7), which is AB-overfitting. If bug-exposing test \texttt{assertEquals(6, f(7))} and normal test \texttt{assertEquals(-1, f(0))} are generated, both of them will be kept and the synthesis process can possibly synthesize the condition if (x>0 \&\& x<7), which has the same overfitting issue of incomplete fixing but less overfitting issue of regression introduction compared to the original patch.
In summary, UnsatGuided is not likely to break an already correct patch generated by a synthesis-based repair technique. For an overfitting patch, UnsatGuided can effectively reduce the overfitting issue of regression introduction, but has minimal positive impact on reducing the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing. With regard to turning an overfitting patch into a completely correct patch, UnsatGuided is likely to be effective only when the original patch generated using the manually written test suite is B-overfitting.
\subsection{Discussion}
We now discuss the general usefulness of automatic test generation in alleviating overfitting for synthesis-based repair techniques. The overall conclusion is for techniques that make use of automatically generated tests to strengthen the repair constraint, there exists a fundamental limitation which makes the above core limitation of just effectively reducing the overfitting issue of regression introduction general, i.e., not specific to the proposed technique UnsatGuided.
The fundamental limitation arises because of the oracle problem in automatic test generation. Due to the oracle problem, some of the automatically generated tests can encode wrong behaviors, which are called bug-exposing tests in this paper. Once the initial patch generated using the manually written test suite has the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing, the normal tests generated by an automatic test generation tool are not likely to be able to strengthen the repair constraints for input points within $I_{bug}$. While the bug-exposing tests generated by an automatic test generation tool can enforce additional repair constraints for input points within $I_{bug}$, the additional repair constraints enforced by bug-exposing tests are wrong. Different techniques can differ in how they classify automatically generated tests into normal tests and bug-exposing tests and how they further use these two kinds of tests, but they all face this fundamental problem. Consequently, for synthesis-based repair techniques, automatic test generation will not be very effective for alleviating the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing.
However, for the overfitting issue of regression introduction, the normal tests generated by an automatic test case generation tool can effectively supplement the manually written test suite to better build the repair constraints for input points within $I_{correct}$. By using the strengthened repair constraint, synthesis-based repair techniques can synthesize a patch that has less or even no overfitting issue of regression introduction. \emph{According to this analysis, the usefulness of automatic test case generation in alleviating overfitting for synthesis-based repair techniques is mainly confined to reducing the overfitting issue of regression introduction.}
\section{Experimental Evaluation}
\label{sec:evaluation}
In this section, we present an empirical evaluation of the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating overfitting problems for synthesis-based repair techniques.
In particular, we aim to empirically answer the following research questions:
\begin{itemize}
\item \textbf{RQ1}: How frequently do overfitting issues of incomplete fixing and regression introduction occur in practice for synthesis-based repair techniques?
\item \textbf{RQ2}: How does UnsatGuided perform with respect to alleviating overfitting issues of incomplete fixing and regression introduction?
\item \textbf{RQ3}: What is the impact of UnsatGuided on the correctness of the patches?
\item \textbf{RQ4}: How does UnsatGuided respond to bug-exposing tests?
\item \textbf{RQ5}: What is the time overhead of UnsatGuided?
\end{itemize}
\subsection{Subjects of Investigation}
\subsubsection{Subject Programs}
We selected Defects4J (\cite{JustJE2014}), a known database of real faults from real-world Java programs, as the experimental benchmark. Defects4J has different versions and the latest version of the benchmark contains 395 faults from 6 open source projects. Each fault in Defects4J is accompanied by a manually written test suite which contains at least one test that exposes the fault. In addition, Defects4J also provides commands to easily access faulty and fixed program versions for each fault, making it relatively easy to analyze them. Among the 6 projects, Mockito has been configured and added to the Defects4J framework recently (after we start the study presented in this paper). Thus we do not include the 38 faults for Mockito in our study. Besides, we also discard the 133 faults for Closure compiler as the tests are organized using scripts rather than the standard JUnit tests, which prevents these tests from running within our repair infrastructure. Consequently, we use the 224 faults of the remaining 4 projects in our experimental evaluation. \autoref{tab:dataset} gives basic information about these 4 subjects.
\begin{table}
\caption{Descriptive Statistics of the 224 Considered Faults in Defects4J}
\label{tab:dataset}
\small
\begin{tabular}{|l|r|r|r|r|r|}
\hline
Subjects & \#Bugs & \tabincell{c}{Source\\KLoC} & \tabincell{c}{Test\\KLoC} & \#Tests & Dev years \\
\hline
JFreechart & 26 & 96 & 50 & 2,205 & 10 \\
Commons Math & 106 & 85 & 19 & 3,602 & 14 \\
Joda-Time & 27 & 28 & 53 & 4,130 & 14 \\
Common Lang & 65 & 22 & 6 & 2,245 & 15 \\
\hline
\end{tabular}
\end{table}
\subsubsection{Synthesis-based Repair Techniques}
For our approach UnsatGuided to be implemented, we need a stable synthesis-based repair technique. In this study, Nopol (\cite{nopol}) is used as the representative of synthesis-based repair techniques. We select it for two reasons. First, Nopol is the only publicly-available synthesis-based repair technique that targets modern Java code. Second, it has been shown that Nopol is an effective automated repair system that can tackle real-life faults in real-world programs (\cite{defects4j-repair}).
\subsubsection{Automatic Test Case Generation Tool}
\label{sec:ATCG}
The automatic test case generation tool used in this study is EvoSuite (\cite{ESECFSE11}). EvoSuite aims to generate tests with maximal code coverage by applying a genetic algorithm. Starting with a set of random tests, it then uses a coverage based fitness function to iteratively apply typical search operators such as selection, mutation, and crossover to evolve them. Upon finishing the search, it minimizes the test suite with highest code coverage with respect to the coverage criterion and adds regression test assertions.
To our knowledge, EvoSuite is the state-of-art open source Java unit test generation tool. Compared with another popular test generation tool Randoop (\cite{randoop}), some recent studies (\cite{evidence, 7372009}) have shown that Evosuite is better than Randoop in terms of a) compilable test generated, b) minimized flakiness, c) false positives, d) coverage, and e) most importantly--the number of bugs detected.
While the generated tests by EvoSuite can possibly have problems of creating complex objects, exposing complex conditions, accessing private methods or fields, creating complex interactions, and generating appropriate assertions, they can be considered as effective in finding bugs in open-source and industrial systems in general (\cite{7372009}).
Besides, as shown in algorithm 1, the approach UnsatGuided requires that the automatic test case generation tool is able to target a specific file of the program under repair. EvoSuite is indeed capable of generating tests for a specific class.
To generate more tests and make the test generation process itself as deterministic as possible, i.e., the generated tests should be the same if somebody else repeats out experiment, we made some changes about the timeout value, search budget value, sandboxing and mocking setting in the default EvoSuite option. The complete EvoSuite setting is available on Github.\footnote{\url{https://github.com/Spirals-Team/test4repair-experiments}}
\subsection{Experimental Setup}
\label{sec:setup}
For each of the 224 studied faults in the Defects4J dataset, we run the proposed approach UnsatGuided against it. Whenever the test generation process is invoked, we run EvoSuite 30 times with different seeds to account for the randomness of EvoSuite following the guideline given in (\cite{Arcuri2011}). The 30 seeds are 30 integer numbers randomly selected between 1 and 200. In addition, EvoSuite can generate tests that do not compile or generates tests that are unstable (i.e., tests which could fail or pass for the same configuration) due to the use of non-deterministic APIs such as date and time of day. Similar to the work in (\cite{JustJIEHF2014,7372009}), we use the following process to remove the uncompilable and unstable tests if they exist:
\begin{enumerate}[label=(\roman*)]
\item Remove all uncompilable tests;
\vspace{1mm}
\item Remove all tests that fail during re-execution on the program to be repaired;
\vspace{1mm}
\item Iteratively remove all unstable tests: we execute each compliable test suite on the program to be repaired five times consecutively. If any of these executions reveals unstable tests, we then remove these tests and re-compile and re-execute the test suite. This process is repeated until all remaining tests in the test suite pass five times consecutively.
\end{enumerate}
Our experiment is extremely time-consuming. To make the time cost manageable, the timeout value for UnsatGuided, i.e., the input time budget in algorithm 1 for Nopol, is set to be 40 minutes in our experimental evaluation. Besides this change to global timeout value, we use the default configuration parameters of Nopol during its run. The experiment was run on a cluster consisting of 200 virtual nodes running Ubuntu 16.04 on a single Intel 2.68 GHz Xeon core with 1GB of RAM. As UnsatGuided will invoke the synthesis-based repair technique for each test generated, the whole repair process may still cost a lot of time. If so, we reduce the number of considered seeds. This happens for 2 faults (Chart\_26 and Math\_24), for which combining Nopol with UnsatGuided will generally cost more than 13 hours for each EvoSuite seed. Consequently, we use 10 seeds for these two bugs only for sake of time.
Following an open-science ethics, all the code and data is made publicly available on the mentioned Github site in \autoref{sec:ATCG}.
\subsection{Evaluation Protocol}
\label{sec:protocol}
We evaluate the effectiveness of UnsatGuided from two points: its impact on the overfitting issue and correctness of the original patch generated by Nopol.
\subsubsection{Assess Impact on Overfitting Issue}
\label{sec:overfittingissue}
We have several major phases to evaluate the impact of UnsatGuided on overfitting issue of the original Nopol patch.
(1) \emph{Test Case Selection and Classification}. To determine whether a patch has overfitting issue of incomplete fixing or regression introduction, we need to see whether the corresponding patched program will fail tests from buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ or correct input domain $I_{correct}$ of the program to be repaired. As it is impractical to enumerate all tests from these two input domains, we view all tests generated for all seeds during our run of UnsatGuided (see \autoref{sec:setup}) for a buggy program version as a representative subset of tests from these two input domains for this buggy program version in this paper. We believe it is reasonable from two aspects. On the one hand, we use a large number of seeds (30 in most cases) for each buggy program version, so we will have a large number of tests in general for each buggy program version. On the other hand, these tests all focus on testing the behaviors related with the patched highly suspicious files.
We then need to classify the generated tests as being in the buggy input domain or being in the correct input domain. Recall that during our run of UnsatGuided, EvoSuite uses the version-to-be-repaired as the oracle to generate tests. After the run of UnsatGuided for each seed, we thus have an EvoSuite test set which contain both 1) normal tests whose inputs are from $I_{correct}$ and the assertions of them are right, and 2) bug-exposing tests whose inputs are from $I_{bug}$ and the assertions of them are wrong. To distinguish these two kinds of tests, we use the correct version of the version-to-be-repaired to achieve this goal. Note the assumption of the existence of a correct version is used here just for the evaluation purpose, we do not have this assumption for the run of UnsatGuided.
More specifically, given a buggy program $P_{buggy}$, the correct version $P_{correct}$ of $P_{buggy}$, and an EvoSuite test suite $TS_{Evo\_i}$ generated during the run of UnsatGuided for seed $seed_{i}$,
we run $TS_{Evo\_i}$ against $P_{correct}$ to identify bug-exposing tests. As $TS_{Evo\_i}$ is generated from $P_{buggy}$, tests can possibly assert wrong behaviors. Thus, \emph{a test fails over $P_{correct}$ is a bug-exposing test} and is added to the test set $TS_{bugexpo}$. Otherwise, it is a normal test and is added to the test set $TS_{normal}$. For a certain buggy program version, this process is executed for each EvoSuite test suite $TS_{Evo\_j}$ generated for each seed $seed_{j}$ of the seed set $\{seed_{j}|1\leqslant j\leqslant N, N=30\; or \;10\}$. Consequently, for a specific buggy program version, $TS_{bugexpo}$ contains all bug-exposing tests and $TS_{normal}$ contains all normal tests among all tests generated for all seeds during the run of UnsatGuided for this buggy program version.
(2) \emph{Analyze the Overfitting Issue of the Synthesized Patches}. For a buggy program $P_{buggy}$, the correct version $P_{correct}$ of $P_{buggy}$, and the patch $pc$ to $P_{buggy}$, we then use the identified test sets $TS_{bugexpo}$ and $TS_{normal}$ in the previous step to analyze the overfitting issue of $pc$.
To determine whether patch $pc$ has overfitting issue of regression introduction, we execute the program obtained by patching buggy program $P_{buggy}$ with $pc$ against $TS_{normal}$. If at least one test in $TS_{normal}$ fails, then patch $pc$ has overfitting issue of regression introduction.
To determine whether patch $pc$ has overfitting issue of incomplete fixing, it is harder. The basic idea is executing the program obtained by patching buggy program $P_{buggy}$ with $pc$ against $TS_{bugexpo}$, and patch $pc$ has overfitting issue of incomplete fixing if at least one test in $TS_{bugexpo}$ fails. However, recall that the tests in $TS_{bugexpo}$ are generated based on the buggy version $P_{buggy}$, i.e., the oracles are incorrect. Consequently, we first need to obtain the correct oracles for all tests in $TS_{bugexpo}$. We again use the correct version $P_{correct}$ to achieve this goal and the process is as follows.
First, for each failing assertion contained in a test from $TS_{bugexpo}$, we first capture the value it receives when the test is executed on the correct version $P_{correct}$.
For instance, given a failing assertion \texttt{assertEquals(10,calculateValue($y$))}, 10 is the value that the assertion expects and the value from \texttt{calculateValue($y$)} is the received value.
For this specific example, we need to capture the value for \texttt{calculateValue($y$)} on $P_{correct}$ (note the value that $P_{buggy}$ returns for \texttt{calculateValue($y$)} is 10).
Then, we replace the expected value in the failing assertion with the received value established on $P_{correct}$.
For the previous example, if \texttt{calculateValue($y$)} returns the value 5 on $P_{correct}$, the repaired assertion is \texttt{assertEquals(5, calculateValue($y$))}.
The above process turns $TS_{bugexpo}$ into $TS_{bugexpo{\text{\ding{51}}}}$ so that all bug-exposing tests will have correct oracles. After obtaining $TS_{bugexpo{\text{\ding{51}}}}$, we run $TS_{bugexpo{\text{\ding{51}}}}$ against the program obtained by patching buggy program $P_{buggy}$ with $pc$. If we observe any failing tests, then patch $pc$ has overfitting issue of incomplete fixing.
(3) \emph{Measure Impact}. To evaluate the impact of UnsatGuided on the overfitting issue for a certain buggy program version, we compare the overfitting issue of the original Nopol patch $pc_{original}$ generated using the manually written test suite with that of the new patch $pc_{new}$ generated after running UnsatGuided. More specifically, the process is as follows.
First, we use phases (1) and (2) to see whether the original patch $pc_{original}$ has overfitting issue of incomplete fixing or regression introduction. When we observe failing tests from $TS_{normal}$ or $TS_{bugexpo{\text{\ding{51}}}}$, we record the detailed number of failing tests. The recorded number represents the severity of the overfitting issue.
Second, for a patch $pc_{new\_i}$ generated by running UnsatGuided using a certain seed $seed_{i}$, we also use phases (1) and (2) to see whether the new patch $pc_{new\_i}$ has overfitting issue of incomplete fixing or regression introduction and record the number of failing tests if we observe failing tests from $TS_{normal}$ or $TS_{bugexpo{\text{\ding{51}}}}$. Note besides the test suite (corresponding to $seed_{i}$) used by UnsatGuided to generate $pc_{new\_i}$, we also use all the other test suites generated for other seeds to evaluate the overfitting issue of $pc_{new\_i}$.
Finally, the result obtained for $pc_{new\_i}$ is compared with that for $pc_{original}$ to determine the impact of UnsatGuided.
We repeat this process for each patch generated using each seed for a certain program version (i.e., the patch set \{$pc_{new\_i}$ $|1\leqslant i\leqslant N, N=30\;or\;10\}$), and use the average result to assess the overall impact of UnsatGuided.
\subsubsection{Assess Impact on Correctness}
We compare the correctness of the patch generated after the run of UnsatGuided with that generated using Nopol to see the impact of UnsatGuided on patch correctness. To determine the correctness of a patch, the process is as follows.
First, we look at whether the generated tests reveal that there exist overfitting issues for a certain generated patch according to the procedure in \autoref{sec:overfittingissue}.
Second, we manually analyze the generated patch and compare it with the corresponding human patch. A generated patch is deemed as correct only if it is exactly the same or semantically equivalent to the human patch. The equivalence is established based on the authors' understanding of the patch. To reduce the possible bias introduced as much as possible, two of the authors analyze the correctness of the patches separately and the results reported in this paper are based on the agreement between them. Note that the corresponding developer patches for several buggy versions trigger exceptions and emit text error messages if certain conditions are true, we count a generated patch correct if it triggers the same type of exceptions as the human patch under the exception conditions and we do not take the error message into account.
Note due to the use of different Nopol versions, the Nopol patches generated in this paper for some buggy versions are different from that generated in (\cite{defects4j-repair}). We thus replicate the manual analysis of the original Nopol patches.
As we use a large number of seeds (30 in most cases) for running UnsatGuided, it can happen that we have a large number of generated patches that are different from the original Nopol patch for a certain buggy version. For the inherent difficulty of the manual analysis, it is unrealistic to analyze all of the newly generated patches. To make the manual analysis realistic, for each buggy version, we randomly select one patch that is different from the original Nopol patch across all of the different kinds of patches generated for all seeds. It can happen that for a certain buggy version, the newly generated patches after the run of UnsatGuided for all seeds are the same as the original Nopol patch. In this case, it is obvious that UnsatGuided has no impact on the change of patch correctness.
\subsection{Result Presentation}
\autoref{tab:nopol-results} displays the experimental results on combining Nopol with UnsatGuided (hereafter referred to as Nopol+\-Unsat\-Guided). This table only shows the Defects4J bugs that can be originally repaired by Nopol, and their identifiers are listed in column \emph{Bug ID}.
\begin{landscape}
\begin{table*}[htbp]
\tiny
\caption{Experimental results with Nopol+UnsatGuided on the Defects4j Repository, only show bugs with test-suite adequate patches by plain Nopol.}
\centering
\label{tab:nopol-results}
\begin{tabular}{|l|c|c|c|c|c|r|r|r|r|r|c|r|r|r|r|}
\hline
\multirow{7}{*}{\rotatebox{-90}{Bug ID}} & \multicolumn{2}{c|}{Tests} & \multicolumn{4}{c|}{Nopol} & \multicolumn{7}{c|}{Nopol+UnsatGuided} \\
\cline{2-14}
& \rotatebox{-90}{\#EvoTests} & \rotatebox{-90}{\#Bug-expo} & \rotatebox{-90}{Time (hh:mm)} & \rotatebox{-90}{\tabincell{c}{incomplete fix \\ (\#failing)}} & \rotatebox{-90}{regression (\#failing)} & \rotatebox{-90}{correctness} & \rotatebox{-90}{\#Removed} & \rotatebox{-90}{\#Removed Bug-expo} & \rotatebox{-90}{Avg \#Time (hh:mm)} & \rotatebox{-90}{\tabincell{c}{Change ratio \\ (\#unique)}} & \rotatebox{-90}{\tabincell{c}{fix completeness \\ change \\ (Avg \#Removedinc)}} & \rotatebox{-90}{\tabincell{c}{regression change\\ (Avg \#Removedreg)}} & \rotatebox{-90}{correctness} \\
\hline
Chart\_1 & 3012 & 0 & 00:02 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 03:00 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Chart\_5 & 2931 & 3 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (10) & NO & 104 & 3 & 01:18 & 27/30 (27) & same (0) & improve (2.9) & NO\\
Chart\_9 & 3165 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 01:00 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Chart\_13 & 852 & 0 & 00:02 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:24 & 30/30 (2) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Chart\_15 & 3711 & 0 & 00:04 & No (0) & Yes (4) & NO & 5 & 0 & 06:48 & 27/30 (23) & same (0) & improve (2.0) & NO\\
Chart\_17 & 3246 & 10 & 00:01 & Yes (10) & No (0) & NO & 27 & 0 & 00:48 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Chart\_21 & 1584 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (6) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:48 & 30/30 (30) & same (0) & improve (6.0)$\star$ & NO\\
Chart\_25 & 441 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (8) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:12 & 8/30 (6) & same (0) & improve (8.0)$\star$ & NO\\
Chart\_26 & 2432 & 0 & 00:03 & No (0) & Yes (6) & NO & 6 & 0 & 13:36 & 10/10 (5) & same (0) & improve (6.0)$\star$ & NO \\
Lang\_44 & 3039 & 13 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & \bf{YES} & 13 & 13 & 00:48 & 3/30 (2) & same (0) & same (0) & \bf{YES}\\
Lang\_51 & 3720 & 1 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 15 & 1 & 01:00 & 29/30 (2) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Lang\_53 & 2931 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:06 & 26/30 (18) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Lang\_55 & 606 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & \bf{YES} & 1 & 0 & 00:12 & 30/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & \bf{YES}\\
Lang\_58 & 6471 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (5) & NO & 5 & 0 & 01:42 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Lang\_63 & 1383 & 1 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 33 & 1 & 00:36 & 27/30 (5) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_7 & 876 & 2 & 00:16 & Yes (2) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 05:00 & 2/30 (3) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_24 & 1327 & 0 & 00:15 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 25 & 0 & 24:06 & 10/10 (10) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_28 & 219 & 0 & 00:17 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:30 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_33 & 1749 & 1 & 00:13 & Yes (1) & No (0) & NO & 19 & 0 & 10:30 & 28/30 (8) & same (0) & worse (-2.0) & NO\\
Math\_40 & 831 & 71 & 00:16 & Yes (71) & Yes (21) & NO & 392 & 0 & 07:00 & 7/30 (8) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_41 & 1224 & 0 & 00:06 & No (0) & Yes (41) & NO & 35 & 0 & 02:00 & 27/30 (27) & same (0) & improve (35.1) & NO\\
Math\_42 & 1770 & 19 & 00:04 & Yes (19) & No (0) & NO & 2 & 0 & 03:54 & 24/30 (22) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_50 & 1107 & 26 & 00:11 & Yes (21) & Yes (45) & NO & 23 & 1 & 04:36 & 28/30 (27) & improve (1.1) & improve (41.0) & NO\\
Math\_57 & 651 & 0 & 00:03 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:48 & 15/30 (4) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_58 & 228 & 0 & 00:06 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 7 & 0 & 00:20 & 2/30 (2) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_69 & 897 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 30 & 0 & 00:12 & 30/30 (21) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_71 & 951 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (56) & NO & 17 & 0 & 00:24 & 25/30 (11) & same (0) & improve (53.0) & NO\\
Math\_73 & 1035 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (1) & NO & 10 & 0 & 00:18 & 25/30 (24) & same (0) & improve (1)$\star$ & NO\\
Math\_78 & 1014 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (44) & NO & 49 & 0 & 00:24 & 28/30 (16) & same (0) & improve (34.9) & NO\\
Math\_80 & 1356 & 67 & 00:01 & Yes (49) & No (0) & NO & 29 & 1 & 00:54 & 29/30 (27) & worse (-17.9) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_81 & 1320 & 4 & 00:01 & Yes (4) & Yes (35) & NO & 30 & 0 & 00:24 & 23/30 (22) & same (0) & improve (35.0)$\star$ & NO\\
Math\_82 & 510 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:08 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_84 & 165 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:06 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_85 & 798 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & No (0) & NO & 32 & 0 & 00:12 & 28/30 (11) & same (0) & same (0) & \bf{YES}\\
Math\_87 & 1866 & 14 & 00:01 & Yes (13) & Yes (8) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:54 & 29/30 (29) & worse (-1) & improve (8.0)$\star$ & NO\\
Math\_88 & 1890 & 11 & 00:01 & Yes (11) & No (0) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:30 & 06/30 (7) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Math\_105 & 1353 & 7 & 00:09 & Yes (7) & Yes (6) & NO & 6 & 0 & 04:20 & 29/30 (30) & same (0) & improve (2.9) & NO\\
Time\_4 & 2778 & 5 & 00:01 & Yes (5) & Yes (6) & NO & 0 & 0 & 00:54 & 23/30 (23) & improve (0.8) & improve (5.7) & NO\\
Time\_7 & 1491 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (11) & NO & 12 & 0 & 00:54 & 12/30 (13) & same (0) & worse (-1) & NO\\
Time\_11 & 1497 & 5 & 00:04 & Yes (5) & No (0) & NO & 7 & 0 & 01:36 & 0/30 (1) & same (0) & same (0) & NO\\
Time\_14 & 687 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (3) & NO & 1 & 0 & 00:18 & 24/30 (23) & same (0) & improve (2.0) & NO\\
Time\_16 & 1476 & 0 & 00:01 & No (0) & Yes (6) & NO & 5 & 0 & 00:24 & 1/30 (2) & same (0) & improve (1) & NO\\
\hline
\end{tabular}
\end{table*}
\end{landscape}
The test generation results by running EvoSuite are shown in the two columns under the column \emph{Tests}, among which the \emph{\#EvoTests} column shows the total number of tests generated by EvoSuite for all seeds and the \emph{\#Bug-expo} column shows the number of bug-exposing tests among all of the generated tests.
The results obtained by running just Nopol are shown in the columns under the column \emph{Nopol}. The \emph{Time} column shows the time used by Nopol to generate the initial patch. The \emph{incomplete fix (\#failing)} column shows what is the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing for the original Nopol patch. Each cell in this column is of the form X (Y), where X can be ``Yes'' or ``No'' and Y is a digit number. The ``Yes'' and ``No'' mean that the original Nopol patch has and does not have overfitting issue of incomplete fixing respectively. The digit number in parentheses shows the number of bug-exposing tests on which the original Nopol patch fails. Similarly, the \emph{regression (\#failing)} column tells what is the overfitting issue of regression introduction for the original Nopol patch, and each cell in this column is of the same form with the column \emph{incomplete fix (\#failing)}. The ``Yes'' and ``No'' for this column mean that the original Nopol patch has and does not have overfitting issue of regression introduction respectively. The digit number in parentheses shows the number of normal tests on which the original Nopol patch fails. Finally, the column \emph{correctness} shows whether the original Nopol patch is correct, with ``Yes'' representing correct and ``No'' representing incorrect.
The results obtained by running Nopol+UnsatGuided are shown in the remaining columns under the column \emph{Nopol}+\emph{UnsatGuided}.
The \emph{\#Removed} column shows the total number of removed generated tests during the run of Nopol+UnsatGuided for all seeds.
The number of bug-exposing tests among the removed tests is shown in the column \emph{\#Removed Bug-expo}.
The \emph{Avg\#Time} column shows the average time used by Nopol+UnsatGuided to generate the patch for each seed. The \emph{Change ratio (\#unique)} column is of the form \emph{X}/\emph{Y} (\emph{Z}).
Here \emph{Y} is the number of different seeds used, \emph{X} refers to the number of generated patches by Nopol+UnsatGuided that are different from the original Nopol patch, and \emph{Z} is the number of distinct patches among all of the patches generated for all seeds.
The following two columns \emph{fix completeness change (Avg\#Removedinc)} and \emph{regression change (Avg\#Removedreg)} show the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating overfitting issue of incomplete fixing and regression introduction respectively.
Each cell in these two columns is of the form X (Y), where X can be ``improve'', ``worse'', and ``same'' and Y is a digit number.
Compared with the original Nopol patch, the ``improve'', ``worse'', and ``same'' in column \emph{fix completeness change (Avg\#Removedinc)} mean that the new patch generated by running Nopol+\-Unsat\-Guided has less, more, and the same overfitting issue of incomplete fixing respectively. The digit number gives a more detailed information. In particular, it gives the average number of removed failing bug-exposing tests for the new patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided compared with the original Nopol patch. In other words, the digital value is obtained by subtracting the average number of failing bug-exposing tests for the new patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided from the number of failing bug-exposing tests for the original Nopol patch.
A positive value is good, which shows that the new patch has less overfitting issue of incomplete fixing in a way. For example, a value of 1 says that the new patch does not exhibit overfitting issue of incomplete fixing anymore for a test case within $I_{bug}$.
Similarly, compared with the original Nopol patch, the ``improve'', ``worse'', and ``same'' in column \emph{regression change (Avg\#Removedreg)} mean that the new patch generated by running Nopol+\-Unsat\-Guided has less, more, and the same overfitting issue of regression introduction respectively. Compared with the original Nopol patch, the digit number in column \emph{regression change (Avg\#Removedreg)} gives the average number of removed failing normal tests for the new patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided, and it equates to the value obtained by subtracting the average number of failing normal tests for the new patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided from the number of failing normal tests for the original Nopol patch. Again, a positive value is good, which shows that the new patch has less overfitting issue of regression introduction in a way. For example, a value of 2 says that the new patch does not exhibit overfitting issue of regression introduction anymore for two test cases within $I_{correct}$.
Note for the patch generated using Nopol+UnsatGuided for a certain seed, the tests considered are all tests generated using all seeds for the corresponding program version. We average the results for all seeds of a certain program version and the resultant numbers are shown as digit numbers in the columns \emph{fix completeness change (Avg\#Removedinc)} and \emph{regression change (Avg\#Removedreg)}. Overall, \emph{a positive digit number in these two columns shows an improvement: it means that overfitting issue of incomplete fixing or regression introduction has been alleviated after running UnsatGuided}. In addition, we use ``perfect'' to refer to the situation where for each seed of a certain program version, running \emph{Nopol}+\emph{UnsatGuided} with the seed will get a patch that will completely remove the overfitting issue of the original Nopol patch. The ``perfect'' results are illustrated with $(\star)$.
Finally, the column \emph{correctness} under the column \emph{Nopol}+\emph{UnsatGuided} shows whether the selected patch generated by running \emph{Nopol}+\emph{UnsatGuided} is correct, again with ``Yes'' representing correct and ``No'' representing incorrect.
\subsection{\textbf{RQ1}: Prevalence of the Two Kinds of Overfitting Issues}
We first want to measure the prevalence of overfitting issues of incomplete fixing and regression introduction among the patches generated by synthesis-based repair techniques.
We can see from the \emph{incomplete fix (\#failing)} and \emph{regression (\#failing)} columns under the column \emph{Nopol} that for the 42 buggy versions that Nopol can generate an initial patch, overfitting can be observed for 26 buggy versions (when there exists ``Yes'' in either of these two columns).
Among the other 16 buggy versions for which we do not observe any kinds of overfitting issues, the manual analysis shows that the Nopol patches for two buggy versions (Lang\_44 and Lang\_55) are correct. However, the manual analysis shows that the Nopol patches for the remaining 14 buggy versions are incorrect, yet we do not observe any number of failing bug-exposing or normal tests for the programs patched with the patches generated by Nopol. This shows the limitation of automatic test case generation in covering the buggy input domain $I_{bug}$ for real programs, which confirms a previous study (\cite{7372009}).
Among the 26 buggy versions for which we observe overfitting issues, the original Nopol patches for 13 buggy versions have the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing, the original Nopol patches for 19 buggy versions have the overfitting issue of regression introduction, and the original Nopol patches for 6 buggy versions have both the overfitting issues of incomplete fixing and regression introduction. Thus, both the overfitting issues of incomplete fixing and regression introduction are common for the Nopol patches.
It can also be seen from \autoref{tab:nopol-results} that the severity of overfitting differs from one patch to another as measured by the number of failing tests. Among the 13 patches that have overfitting issue of incomplete fixing, the number of failing bug-exposing tests is less than 3 for 3 patches (which implies the overfitting issue is relatively light), yet this number is larger than 20 for 3 patches (which implies the overfitting issue is relatively serious).
Similarly, for the 19 patches that have overfitting issue of regression introduction, the number of failing normal tests is less than 3 for 1 patch (which implies the overfitting issue is relatively light), yet this number is larger than 20 for 6 patches (which implies the overfitting issue is relatively serious).
\begin{mdframed}
\textbf{Answer for RQ1}: Both overfitting issues of incomplete fixing (13 patches) and regression introduction (19 patches) are common for the patches generated by Nopol.
\end{mdframed}
\subsection{\textbf{RQ2}: Effectiveness of UnsatGuided in Alleviating Overfitting Issues}
We then want to assess the effectiveness of UnsatGuided. It can be seen from the column \emph{Change ratio (\#unique)} of \autoref{tab:nopol-results} that for the 42 buggy versions that can be initially repaired by Nopol, the patches generated for 34 buggy versions have been changed at least for one seed after running Nopol+UnsatGuided. If we consider all executions (one per seed per buggy version), we obtain a total of 1220 patches with Nopol+UnsatGuided. Among the 1220 patches, 702 patches are different from the original patches generated by running Nopol only. Thus, UnsatGuided can significantly impact the output of the Nopol repair process. We will further investigate the quality difference between the new Nopol+UnsatGuided patches and the original Nopol patches.
The results for alleviating the two kinds of overfitting issues by running Nopol+ UnsatGuided are displayed in the columns \emph{fix completeness change (Avg \#Removedinc)} and \emph{regression change (Avg\#Removedreg)} of \autoref{tab:nopol-results}.
With regard to alleviating the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing, we can see from the column \emph{fix completeness change (Avg\#Removedinc)} that UnsatGuided has an effect on 4 buggy program versions (Math\_50, Math\_80, Math\_87 and Time\_4). For all those 4 buggy versions, the original Nopol patch already has the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing. With UnsatGuided, the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing has been alleviated in 2 cases (Math\_50, Time\_4) and worsened for 2 other cases (Math\_80, Math\_87). This means UnsatGuided is likely to have a minimal positive impact on alleviating overfitting issue of incomplete fixing and can possibly have a negative impact on it, confirming our analysis in \autoref{sec:analysis}.
We will further discuss this point in RQ4 (\autoref{sec:answer-rq4}).
In terms of alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction, we can see from the column \emph{regression change (Avg\#Removedreg)} that UnsatGuided has an effect on 18 buggy program versions. Among the 18 original Nopol patches for these 18 buggy program versions, UnsatGuided has alleviated the overfitting issue of regression introduction for 16 patches. In addition, for 6 buggy program versions, the overfitting issue of regression introduction of the original Nopol patch has been completely removed. These 6 cases are indicated with $(\star)$ in \autoref{tab:nopol-results}. Meanwhile, UnsatGuided worsens the overfitting issue of regression introduction for two other original Nopol patches (Math\_33 and Time\_7).
It can possibly happen as even though the repair constraint for input points within $I_{correct}$ has been somewhat strengthened (but not completely correct), yet the solution of the constraint happens to be more convoluted.
Overall, with 16 positive versus 2 negative cases, UnsatGuided can be considered as effective in alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction.
\begin{mdframed}
\textbf{Answer for RQ2}: UnsatGuided can effectively alleviate the overfitting issue of regression introduction (16/19 cases), but has minimal positive impact on reducing the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing.
This results confirm our deductive analysis of the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating the two kinds of overfitting issues (\autoref{sec:analysis}).
\end{mdframed}
\subsection{\textbf{RQ3}: Impact of UnsatGuided on Patch Correctness}
We will further assess the impact of UnsatGuided on the correctness of the patches. More specifically, we will assess 1) whether running Nopol+UnsatGuided destroys the already correct patches generated by Nopol (i.e., make them become incorrect) and 2) whether running Nopol+UnsatGuided can change an overfitting patch generated by Nopol into a completely correct one.
\textbf{Can already correct patches be broken?}
The previous paper (\cite{defects4j-repair}) claims that running Nopol can generate correct patches for 5 buggy program versions Chart\_5, Lang\_44, Lang\_55, Lang\_58, and Math\_50. However, for three of them (Chart\_5, Lang\_58, and Math\_50), we can see from \autoref{tab:nopol-results} that some EvoSuite tests fail on the original Nopol patches. Due to the use of different Nopol versions, the Nopol patch generated in this paper for Math\_50 is different from that in (\cite{defects4j-repair}). We run the EvoSuite tests against the Nopol patch in (\cite{defects4j-repair}) and we also observe failing tests. To ensure the validity of the bug detection results, two authors of this paper have manually checked the correctness of the patches generated for these three buggy versions in the paper (\cite{defects4j-repair}). The overall results suggest that the original Nopol patches for these three program versions are not truly correct, which shows the inherent difficulty of manual analysis. For the other 2 buggy program versions (Lang\_44 and Lang\_55), there is no indication of overfitting and we consider the original Nopol patches as well as the new patches generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided as correct.
We now demonstrate why they can be considered as correct.
For Lang\_44, the bug arises for a method which parses a string to a number (\texttt{String} to \texttt{int}, \texttt{long}, \texttt{float} or \texttt{double}) (see \autoref{fig:case1}). If the string (\emph{val}) only contains the char \emph{L} which specifies the type \texttt{long}, the method returns an \emph{IndexOutOfBoundsException} (due to the expression \texttt{numeric.substring(1)} in the \emph{if} condition) instead of the expected \emph{NumberFormatException}, the other situations have already been correctly handled. The human patch adds a check at the beginning of the method to avoid this specific situation. The original Nopol patch simplifies the \emph{if} condition to (\texttt{dec == null \&\& exp == null}) and relies on checks available in the called method (\texttt{createLong(String val)}), which will return a \emph{NumberFormatException} if the format of input \emph{val} is illegal. Note the deleted predicate \texttt{(numeric.charAt(0)=='-' \&\& isDigits(numeric.substring(1)) || isDigits(numeric))} is used to check whether the variable \emph{numeric} is a legal format of number, and a \emph{NumberFormatException} will be thrown if not. Consequently, for the specific input \emph{L} and other inputs which are not legal forms of number, the desired \emph{NumberFormatException} will also be thrown after the condition is simplified. Among the 30 seeds, running Nopol+UnsatGuided with 27 seeds will get the same patch as the original Nopol run. For the other 3 seeds, running Nopol+UnsatGuided will all get the patch which adds the precondition \texttt{if(1 < val.length())} before the \emph{if} condition. After adding this precondition, the \emph{if} condition is executed only when the length of the string is larger than 1. If this precondition is not respected, the program throws the expected exception. Thus, both the original Nopol patch and the new patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided are semantically equivalent to the human patch.
\begin{figure}[t]
\centering
\begin{lstlisting}
// MANUAL PATCH
// if (val.length() == 1 && !Character.isDigit(val.charAt(0))) {
// throw new NumberFormatException(val + " is not a valid number.");
// }
String numeric=val.substring(0, val.length()-1);
...
switch (lastChar) {
case 'L' :
if (dec == null && exp == null && (numeric.charAt(0) == '-' && isDigits(numeric.substring(1)) || isDigits(numeric))) {
try {
return createLong(numeric);
} catch (NumberFormatException nfe) { }
return createBigInteger(numeric);
}
throw new NumberFormatException(val + "is not a valid number.");
case 'f' : ...
\end{lstlisting}
\caption{
Code snippet of buggy program version Lang\_44.
}
\label{fig:case1}
\end{figure}
For Lang\_55, the bug arises for a utility class for timing (see \autoref{fig:case2}). As discussed in \cite{defects4j-repair}, the bug appears when the user stops a suspended timer and if so, the stop time saved by the suspend action is
overwritten by the stop action. To fix the bug, the assignment of the variable \emph{stopTime} should be executed only when the state of the timer is running. The human patch adds a precondition which checks whether the state of the timer is running. The original Nopol patch and the patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided (running the 30 seeds all get the same patch) both also add preconditions.
Note the method \texttt{stop()} should be executed only when the state of the timer is suspended or running (see the if condition inside the method \texttt{stop()}), otherwise an exception will be thrown. Thus, the precondition \texttt{if (this.runningState!= STATE\_SUSPENDED)} obtained by running Nopol means the state of the timer is running. Meanwhile, given the two possible states--suspended or running, the precondition \texttt{if (this.stopTime <= this.startTime)} obtained by running Nopol+UnsatGuided can only be true when the state of the timer is running according to the logic of the utility class. Consequently, both of the two added preconditions are semantically equivalent to the precondition added by human beings.
\begin{figure}
\centering
\begin{lstlisting}
public void stop() {
if(this.runningState != STATE_RUNNING && this.runningState != STATE_SUSPENDED) {
throw new IllegalStateException("Stopwatch is not running. ");
}
// MANUAL PATCH:
// if (this.runningState == STATE_RUNNING)
// NOPOL PATCH:
// if (this.runningState!= STATE_SUSPENDED)
// NOPOL+UnsatGuided PATCH:
// if(this.stopTime <= this.startTime)
stopTime = System.currentTimeMillis();
this.runningState = STATE_STOPPED;
}
\end{lstlisting}
\caption{
Code snippet of buggy program version Lang\_55.
}
\label{fig:case2}
\end{figure}
In summary, the correct patches generated by Nopol are still correct for all seeds after running Nopol+UnsatGuided.
\textbf{Can an overfitting patch be changed into a correct one?}
It has already been shown that running Nopol+UnsatGuided can significantly change the original Nopol patch and can effectively alleviate the overfitting issue of regression introduction in the original Nopol patch. We want to further explore whether an overfitting patch can be changed into a correct one after running Nopol+UnsatGuided. Comparing the two \emph{correctness} columns under the column \emph{Nopol} and column \emph{Nopol}+\emph{UnsatGuided}, we can see that there exists one buggy version (Math\_85) for which the original Nopol patch is incorrect but the sampled patch generated by running Nopol+UnsatGuided is correct.
For Math\_85, the bug arises as the value of a condition is not handled appropriately (see \autoref{fig:case3}). The human patch changes the binary relational operator from ``>='' to ``>'', i.e., replacing \texttt{if (fa * fb >= 0.0)} with \texttt{if (fa * fb > 0.0)}. The original Nopol patch adds a precondition \texttt{if (fa * fb < 0.0)} before the \emph{if} condition in the code, which in turn will result in a self-contradictory condition and is thus incorrect. The sampled Nopol+UnsatGuided patch is adding a precondition \texttt{if (fa * fb != 0.0)} before the \emph{if} condition, which equates to the human patch semantically and is thus correct. After further checking the results for this buggy version across all 30 seeds, we find that the generated Nopol+UnsatGuided patch is the same as this patch for 21 seeds. This example shows that UnsatGuided can possibly change an original overfitting Nopol patch into a correct one.
\begin{figure}
\centering
\begin{lstlisting}
if (fa * fb >= 0.0 ) {
throw new ConvergenceException(
...
);
}
\end{lstlisting}
\caption{
Code snippet of buggy program version Math\_85.
}
\label{fig:case3}
\end{figure}
\begin{mdframed}
\textbf{Answer for RQ3}: UnsatGuided does not break any already correct Nopol patch. Furthermore, UnsatGuided can change an overfitting Nopol patch into a correct one. This is in line with our analysis of the impact of UnsatGuided on patch correctness.
\end{mdframed}
\subsection{\textbf{RQ4}: Handling of Bug-exposing Tests}
\label{sec:answer-rq4}
As we have seen in \autoref{sec:analysis-unsatguided}, the major challenge of using automatic test generation in the context of repair is the handling of bug-exposing tests. However, bug-exposing tests are not always generated.
Now we concentrate on the 17 buggy program versions which contain at least one bug-exposing test, i.e., rows in \autoref{tab:nopol-results} with the value of \emph{\#Bug-expo} larger than 0.
For 4 bugs (Chart\_5, Lang\_44, Lang\_51, Lang\_63), UnsatGuided works perfectly because it removes all bug-exposing tests.
Let us now explain what happens in those cases.
The column \emph{incomplete fix (\#failing)} shows that for these 4 buggy versions, the original Nopol patch does not fail on any of the bug-exposing tests, which implies that the
initial repair constraint established using the manually written test suite is strong and is likely to have reflected the desired behaviors for input points within $I_{bug}$ well.
In this case, the additional repair constraints enforced by the bug-exposing tests
have contradictions with the initial repair constraint and UnsatGuided indeed removes them, as it is designed for.
If we do not take care of this situation and directly use all
of the automatically generated tests without any removal technique, we are
likely to lose the correct repair constraint and the acceptable patch with no overfitting issue of incomplete fixing.
For the other 13 buggy program versions, the bug-exposing tests are either not removed at all (11 cases) or partially removed (2 cases, Math\_50 and Math\_80).
The column \emph{incomplete fix (\#failing)} shows that for
these 13 buggy versions, the original Nopol patch already fails on some of the bug-exposing tests, which implies that the
initial repair constraint established using the manually written test suite does not fully reflect the desired behaviors for input points within $I_{bug}$.
Consequently, no contradiction happens during the synthesis process and these bug-exposing tests are not recognized and kept.
Now, recall that we have explained in \autoref{sec:analysis-unsatguided} that the presence of remaining bug-exposing tests does not necessarily mean worsened overfitting issue of incomplete fixing. Interestingly, this can be shown in our evaluation:
for 9 bugs, the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing remains the same;
for 2 bugs (Math\_50 and Time\_4), the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing is reduced (the digit value in column \emph{fix completeness change (Avg\#Removedinc)} is larger than 0); and for 2 other bugs (Math\_80 and Math\_87), the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing is worsened (the digit value in column \emph{fix completeness change (Avg\#Removedinc)} is smaller than 0). To sum up,
the unremoved bug-exposing tests do not worsen overfitting issue of incomplete fixing for the original Nopol patch in the majority of cases (11/13 cases).
Finally, let us check whether the presence of kept bug-exposing tests will have an impact on the capability of UnsatGuided in alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction.
For the 13 buggy program versions with at least one remaining bug-exposing test, we see that UnsatGuided is still able to alleviate overfitting issue of regressions introduction.
This is the case for 5 bug versions: Math\_50, Math\_81, Math\_87, Math\_105, and Time\_4.
This result confirms our qualitative analysis, i.e., the unremoved bug-exposing tests will not impact the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction.
\begin{mdframed}
\textbf{Answer for RQ4}:
When bug-exposing tests are generated, UnsatGuided does not suffer from a drop in effectiveness: the overfitting issue of incomplete fixing is not
worsened in the majority of cases, and the capability of alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction is kept.
\end{mdframed}
\subsection{\textbf{RQ5}: Time Overhead}
The time cost of an automatic program repair technique should be manageable for being used in industry. We now discuss the time overhead incurred by UnsatGuided.
To see the time overhead incurred, we compare the \emph{Time} column under the column \emph{Nopol} with the \emph{Avg\#Time} column under the column \emph{Nopol}+\emph{UnsatGuided}. First, we see that the approach UnsatGuided incurs some time overhead. Compared with the original repair time used by Nopol to find a patch, the average time used by running Nopol+UnsatGuided to get the patch is much longer. Second, the time overhead incurred is acceptable in many cases. Among the 42 buggy versions that can initially be repaired by Nopol, the average repair time used by running Nopol+UnsatGuided to get the patch is less than or equal to 1 hour for 28 buggy versions, which is arguably acceptable. Finally, we observe that the time overhead incurred can be extremely large sometimes. For 3 buggy versions (Chart\_26, Math\_24, and Math\_33), running Nopol+UnsatGuided will cost more than 10 hours to get the patch on average. In particular, the average time used by running Nopol+UnsatGuided to get the patch for Math\_24 is 24.1 hours. The synthesis process of Nopol is slow for those cases and the synthesis process is invoked for each generated test as required by UnsatGuided, thus the large amount of time cost is imaginable. To reduce the time overhead, future work will explore advanced patch analysis to quickly discard useless tests and identify generated tests that have the potential to improve the patch.
\begin{mdframed}
\textbf{Answer for RQ5}: UnsatGuided incurs a time overhead even though the overhead is arguably acceptable in many cases. To reduce the time overhead, more advanced techniques can be employed to analyze the automatically generated tests and discard useless ones. \end{mdframed}
\subsection{Threats to Validity}
We use 224 faults of 4 java programs from Defects4J in this study and one threat to external validity is whether our results will hold for other benchmarks. However, Defects4J is the most recent and comprehensive dataset of java bugs currently available, and is developed with the aim of providing real bugs to enable reproducible studies in software testing research. Besides, Defects4J has been extensively used as the evaluation subjects by recent research work in software testing (\cite{FLISSTA2016,FLICSE2017,FLASE2016}), and in particular by work in automated program repair (\cite{defects4j-repair,xiong2016precise}). Another threat to external validity is that we evaluate the approach UnsatGuided by viewing Nopol as the representative for synthesis-based repair techniques, and doubts may arise whether the results will generalize to other synthesis-based repair techniques. Nopol, however, is the only open-source synthesis-based repair technique that targets modern java code and can effectively repair real-life faults in real-world programs. A final threat to external validity is that only one automatic test case generation tool, i.e., EvoSuite, is used in the study. But EvoSuite is the state-of-art open source java unit test case generation tool and can target a specific java class as required by the proposed approach. Moreover, we run EvoSuite 30 times with different random seeds to account for the randomness of EvoSuite. Overall, the evaluation results are in line with our analysis of the effectiveness of UnsatGuided in alleviating different kinds of overfitting issues, and we believe the results can be generalized.
A potential threat to internal validity is that we manually check the generated patches to investigate the impact of UnsatGuided on patch correctness. We used the human patch as the correctness baseline and the human patch is also used to help us understand the root cause of the bug. This process may introduce errors. To reduce this threat as much as possible, the results reported in this paper are checked and confirmed by two authors of the paper. In addition, the whole artifact related to this paper is made available online to let readers gain a more deep understanding of our study and analysis.
\section{Conclusion}
Much progress has been made in the area of test suite based program repair over the recent years.
However, test suite based repair techniques suffer from the overfitting problem.
In this paper, we deeply analyze the overfitting problem in program repair and identify two kinds of overfitting issues: incomplete fixing and regression introduction. We further define three kinds of overfitting patches based on the overfitting issues that a patch has. These characterizations of overfitting will help the community to better understand and design techniques to defeat the overfitting problem in program repair. We also propose an approach called UnsatGuided, which aims to alleviate the overfitting problem for synthesis-based repair techniques. The approach uses additional automatically generated tests to strengthen the repair constraint used by synthesis-based repair techniques. We analyze the effectiveness of UnsatGuided with respect to alleviating different kinds of overfitting issues. The general usefulness of automatic test case generation in alleviating overfitting problem is also discussed. An evaluation on the 224 bugs of the Defects4J repository has confirmed our analysis and shows that UnsatGuided is effective in alleviating overfitting issue of regression introduction.
\newpage
\bibliographystyle{spbasic}
\balance
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 7,600 |
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8" standalone="yes" ?>
<rss version="2.0" xmlns:atom="http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom">
<channel>
<title>Hannes Lehmann</title>
<generator uri="https://hugo.spf13.com">Hugo</generator>
<link>http://hanneslehmann.github.io/tags/hugo/index.xml/</link>
<language>en-us</language>
<author>Hannes Lehmann</author>
<copyright>2014 Hannes Lehmann</copyright>
<updated>Wed, 19 Nov 2014 00:00:00 UTC</updated>
<item>
<title>Hello Hugo!</title>
<link>http://hanneslehmann.github.io/2014/11/hello-hugo_en/</link>
<pubDate>Wed, 19 Nov 2014 00:00:00 UTC</pubDate>
<author>Hannes Lehmann</author>
<guid>http://hanneslehmann.github.io/2014/11/hello-hugo_en/</guid>
<description>
<p>Hello from Hugo! And hello from Hannes! This is my first blog entry, realized thanks to Hugo; written in Markdown.</p>
<h2 id="toc_0">Hugo</h2>
<p>Here&rsquo;s a the link to <a href="http://gohugo.io/">Hugo</a>.</p>
<p>I will optimize my build process (make file already created) and will post findings here and in GitHub.</p>
<h2 id="toc_1">Showing off with Markdown</h2>
<p>A full cheat sheet can be found <a href="https://github.com/adam-p/markdown-here/wiki/Markdown-Cheatsheet">here</a>
or through <a href="https://google.com/">Google</a>.</p>
<h2 id="toc_2">Hosted on GitHub</h2>
<p>How a page in GitHub can be hosted is described <a href="https://pages.github.com/">here</a>. It&rsquo;s so easy and fast to publish pages via git pull/add/commit/push!</p>
</description>
</item>
</channel>
</rss> | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 2,260 |
Q: React Native: How to select previous Text Input I have defined code as to focus on next TextInput field
<View>
<TextInput
ref="1"
maxLength = {1}
keyboardType={"numeric"}
onChangeText={(pC1) => this.focusNextField('2',pC1)}
value={this.state.pC1}
/>
<TextInput
ref="2"
maxLength = {1}
keyboardType={"numeric"}
onChangeText={(pC2) => this.focusNextField('3',pC2)}
value={this.state.pC2}
/>
<TextInput
ref="3"
maxLength = {1}
keyboardType={"numeric"}
onChangeText={(pC3) => this.focusNextField('',pC3)}
value={this.state.pC3}
/>
</View>
Following are the functions written for text input cursor shifting in
forward direction. But how to make the implementation in reverse
order.That is, by pressing backspace(keypad)
focusNextField(nextField,pinCode) {
if(nextField=="2"){
if(pinCode!=''){
this.state.pC1=pinCode; // Set value for PC1
this.refs[nextField].focus();//Goes to TextInput whose ref == 2
}else{
this.state.pC1='';
nextField="1";
this.refs[nextField].focus();
}
}else if(nextField=="3"){
if(pinCode!=''){
this.state.pC2=pinCode; // Set value for PC2
this.refs[nextField].focus();//Goes to TextInput whose ref == 3
}else{
this.state.pC2='';
nextField="2";
this.refs[nextField].focus();
}
}else if(nextField==""){
if(pinCode!=''){
this.state.pC3=pinCode; // Set value for PC3
}else{
this.state.pC3='';
nextField="3";
this.refs[nextField].focus();
}
}
this.forceUpdate(); //Update the Component
}
In the above code I am able to move forward from one TextInput to another.
My question is: how can I focus on the previous TextInput if I remove
TextInput data?
A: I assume that the behavior you are looking for is : If input not empty, focus on next if there is any, if input is empty, focus on previous if there is any. I suggest that you reduce the complexity of your function by declaring a mapping as follows :
focusNextField (currentField, pinCode) {
const mapping = {
'1': {
variable: 'pC1',
next: '2'
},
'2': {
variable: 'pC2',
prev: '1',
next: '3'
},
'3': {
variable: 'pC3',
prev: '2'
},
};
this.state[mapping[currentField].variable] = pinCode || '';
if (pinCode) {
if (mapping[currentField].next) {
this.refs[mapping[currentField].next].focus();
}
} else {
if (mapping[currentField].prev) {
this.refs[mapping[currentField].prev].focus();
}
}
this.forceUpdate();
}
The only change you need to do in your markup is sending the current field to the method instead of the next field.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 8,482 |
{"url":"http:\/\/www.w3hello.com\/questions\/python-subprocess-module-can-39-t-parse-filename-with-special-characters-ldquo-rdquo-","text":"Home PHP C# C++ Android Java Javascript Python IOS SQL HTML videos Categories\n While Sending Html Mails from my web application Recieved Mails contains Symbols like &ldquo,&rdquo, \u2018 Check with another constructor for htmlView: ContentType mimeType = new System.Net.Mime.ContentType(\"text\/html\"); var htmlView = AlternateView.CreateAlternateViewFromString(bodyMessage, mimeType); Categories : Asp Net Mvc Regex to check special characters in the filename in an input directory\/path I think something like the following provide a decent match for a Windows filename\/directory structure: ^[A-Z]:(\\[^\\\/:*?\"<>|]+)+.w+$(Note that blacklist came from Windows Explorer after trying to enter in a bad character.) Example matches:$ grep -P '^[A-Z]:(\\[^\\\/:*?\"<>|]+)+.w+$' file_list.txt C:Sample File5.txt C:Program Files (x86)Windowsfile.exe C:Program FilesJon's folderfile.pdf C:my-file.txt C:5@^&[]{}!#i.txt.exe If you want to change that to a whitelist, modify accordingly:$ grep -P '^[A-Z]:(\\[ws@-]+)+.w+$' file_list.txt C:Sample File5.txt C:my-file.txt Categories : Asp Net How to parse special characters using NSXMLPARSER - (void)parser:(NSXMLParser *)parser foundCharacters:(NSString *)string { catalogString = (NSMutableString *) [string stringByTrimmingCharactersInSet:[NSCharacterSet whitespaceAndNewlineCharacterSet]]; } this piece of code will remove ur special characters Categories : Iphone How to save special characters in parse.com with the REST API I just tried this in Terminal on OSX, without problems: curl -X POST -H \"X-Parse-Application-Id: appID\" -H \"X-Parse-REST-API-Key: restKey\" -H \"Content-Type: application\/json;\" -d '{\"testString\":\"\u00e9\"}' https:\/\/api.parse.com\/1\/classes\/TestObject The character encoding in the terminal was set to UTF-8. However, when changed to ISO-8859-1, I got the same error as you: {\"code\":107,\"error\":\"invalid utf-8 string was provided\"} So @ahoffer is probably right that you don't have utf-8 set as your terminal's character encoding. Categories : Parse Com JSON Parse fail with special characters If you want to include a \" as data in a string in a JSON text, you have to escape it with a slash, otherwise it is treated as the closing delimiter for the string. ?\": Categories : Javascript Send email in python using subprocess module You don't need to pass an argument list when you use shell=True you can just pass an argument string... command_line = 'mail -s \"\u304a\u304a\u69d8\u304b\u3089\u306e\u5929\u6c17\u4e88\u5831\" abc@gmail.com < foo' process = subprocess.Popen(command_line, shell=True) Or.. you can not use the shell to interpret your arguments and pass a list... command_line = 'mail -s \"\u304a\u304a\u69d8\u304b\u3089\u306e\u5929\u6c17\u4e88\u5831\" abc@gmail.com < foo' li = command_line.split() process = subprocess.Popen(li) But you can't pass an argument list and use the shell to interpret it. Based on the nature of your command, I would recommend passing a string to the shell to interpret. (the first option) Categories : Python Alternative to Python subprocess module in Google App Engine GAE only runs python code. Subprocess won't help you. You can't run bash scripts in GAE. You'll have to rewrite the bash script as a python program, at which point you probably just want to import and run your python script. Categories : Google App Engine Google Drive Parse error when uploading file with special unicode characters Try to download the latest version of the API (from https:\/\/code.google.com\/p\/google-api-dotnet-client\/wiki\/APIs#Drive_API). I changed line 122 in the Drive sample (instructions to download this sample are here), to Title = \"\u5b57\/\u6f22\u5b57\" and Title = \"title with \u00e7\", and both of them worked for me. Categories : C# Find Python module filename Like this: >>> import re >>> re.__file__ '\/usr\/lib\/python2.7\/re.pyc' For packages that are not part of the Python core, you can also use __path__: >>> import requests >>> requests.__file__ '\/usr\/local\/lib\/python2.7\/dist-packages\/requests-1.1.0-py2.7.egg\/requests\/__init__.pyc' >>> requests.__path__ ['\/usr\/local\/lib\/python2.7\/dist-packages\/requests-1.1.0-py2.7.egg\/requests'] Categories : Python Subprocess module from python fails to run bash commands like \" | \" This: echo Hello world | cut -d' ' -f1 \u2026 is not actually a command, it's a fragment of shell script. So you need to have the shell execute it. You can do this just by adding shell=True to the Popen constructor. The documentation explains how this works. It also explains better ways to do the same thing without the shell. For example: p1 = Popen(['echo', 'Hello', 'world'], stdout=PIPE) p2 = Popen(['cut', \"-d' '\", '-f1'], stdin=p1.stdout, stdout=PIPE) p1.stdout.close() test = p2.communicate()[0] Meanwhile, you almost never want to use split on a command line\u2014and in fact, your example shows exactly why you don't want to: >>> cmd = \"echo Hello world | cut -d' ' -f1\" >>> cmd.split() ['echo', 'Hello', 'world', '|', 'cut', \"-d'\", \"'\", '-f1'] Notice that it spl Categories : Python converting special characters to hex in python >>> import binascii >>> a = 'aljsd;fkaj;' >>> binascii.hexlify(a) '616c6a73643b666b616a3b3b6b666a7177657234' If you get error, please post both code and error message here. Categories : Python How can I write special characters to a CSV in Python? You can't write Unicode to a CSV\u2026 but you can write bytes that happen to be UTF-8 (or Latin-1, or almost any other encoding*) encoding Unicode. The docs explicitly say this, and suggest how to deal with it: Note: This version of the csv module doesn\u2019t support Unicode input. Also, there are currently some issues regarding ASCII NUL characters. Accordingly, all input should be UTF-8 or printable ASCII to be safe; see the examples in section Examples. These restrictions will be removed in the future. The Examples section shows how to deal with this, providing wrappers that let you read and write unicode objects, encoding\/decoding UTF-8 automatically for you. If you're using a different charset (e.g., because you're planning to pass this to an Excel VBscript that requires a cp1252-en Categories : Python Python 3 Special characters escaping if x != (' ') or (' ') or (' ') should be if x not in (' ', ' ', ' ') or better: if not x.isspace() Your first code is evaluated as: if (x != (' ')) or ' ' or ' ' Notice the last values are evaluated as themselves! Only an empty string will evaluate False thus this condition will always pass Categories : Python Python: Special characters encoding There is no point in using codecs.open() if you don't use an encoding. Either use codecs.open() with an encoding specified for both reading and writing, or forgo it completely. Without an encoding, codecs.open() is an alias for just open(). Here you really do want to specify the codec of the file you are opening, to process Unicode values. You should also use unicode literal values when straying beyond ASCII characters; specify a source file encoding or use unicode escape codes for your data: # -*- coding: utf-8 -*- import os import codecs dirpath = u\"C:\\Users\\user\\path\\to\\textfiles\" filenames = os.listdir(dirpath) with codecs.open(r'C:Usersuserpath ooutput.txt', 'w', encoding='utf8') as outfile: for fname in filenames: currentfile = os.path.join(dirpath, fname) wi Categories : Python how to read files with special characters in python You'll need to set the 'errors' keyword parameter to something other than the default strict. You can find a list of possibilities (for Python 3.3) here. The list is enumerated in the \"codecs.register()\" documentation. I'd start with the 'replace' option just so you can see what you're dealing with. Categories : Python What other special characters like \" \" can be used to prettify output in Python? On Windows you need to set terminal mode before using special characters. Lately I saw a crossplatform module to colorize output. https:\/\/pypi.python.org\/pypi\/colorama There are special chars to move the cursor. Also you may use ncurces to make text GUI. Categories : Python Python webpage source read with special characters Encoding is a PITA in Python3 for sure (and 2 in some cases as well). Try checking these links out, they might help you: Python - Encoding string - Swedish Letters Python3 - ascii\/utf-8\/iso-8859-1 can't decode byte 0xe5 (Swedish characters) http:\/\/docs.python.org\/2\/library\/codecs.html Also it would be nice with the code for \"So when I read the page content without specifying any encoding\" My best guess is that your console doesn't use utf-8 (for instance, windows.. your # -*- coding: utf-8 -*- only tells Python what type of characters to find within the sourcecode, not the actual data the code is going to parse or analyze itself. For instance i write: # -*- coding: iso-8859-1 -*- import time # H\u00e4r skriver jag ut tiden (Translation: Here, i print out the time) print(time.strftime(' Categories : Python Python encoding issue involving special characters You need to declare the encoding of the source file so Python can properly decode your string literals. You can do this with a special comment at the top of the file (first or second line). # coding: where is the encoding used when saving the file, for example utf-8. Categories : Python Using the subprocess or Command module of python for Windows command prompt Documentation says: cmd is actually run as: { cmd ; } 2>&1 And the function getstatusoutput() is available on UNIX not on Windows. Categories : Python Is it possible to comment out a line of PHP code containing special \"special\" characters? The reason why you are getting a strange output is because of the particular ?> in your regex. In this case, PHP is interpreting that as the end of the script, because the rest of the code is commented out. To answer your question directly, in this case, you cannot comment out that particular line of code without editing it. You would have to remove the ?> portion of the regex in order for the script to continue to run normally. Edit: Additionally, it would work if you encapsulated the comment in \/* *\/ according to this post. However, because the regex has *\/ it is prematurely ending the block style comment, thus still breaking out of PHP mode and returning to HTML mode. Categories : PHP Python encoding: list to string having special characters and numbers in the list If you can specify the strings in your list as unicode, like: [u\"C\u00edrculo\", 23] [u\"Tri\u00e1ngulo\", 25, 19, u\"dos\"] then this should work: u', '.join(unicode(x) for x in list_of_ints) Assuming you are running Python 2. Categories : Python Do not allow special characters except the allowed characters javascript regex You don't need to separate your individual characters by commas, nor do you need to wrap the only term in brackets. This should work: \/[^~<>,\"']\/ note the carat (^ is not at the front, this has a special meaning when placed at the start of the [] block) Also you should use test() because you only want a boolean if-contains result \/[^~<>,\"']\/.test(password) Categories : Javascript Converting Special Characters From Database to Normal Characters As I've worked a lot with \"non-english\" characters, several things are required for proper display and storage of those characters. In no particular order (as I don't know what charset is best suited for Persian, I'll use UTF-8, if it's different, you just use the one you need): Tell your browser what charset you are using, either by setting the proper header from PHP header('Content-type: text\/html; charset=utf-8'); or set the meta tag in your html like so: In the database avoid mixing different collations and charsets in the columns\/tables. I always set the database, the tables and the columns to utf8_general_ci which for my needs work all the time (languages like English, German, Serbian, Hungarian...). As J Categories : PHP Can't upload filename with special character to google drive REST Following the peleyal's commentary I solved my problem. I'm still using rest calls and not drive api, but I checked out the drive api source code and find out that they are using the HttpRequestMessage class. Changing my code from WebRequest to HttpRequestMessage solved the problem: var request = new HttpRequestMessage(HttpMethod.Post, uri); string strData = new JavaScriptSerializer().Serialize(jsonObject); var content = new StringContent(strData, Encoding.UTF8, \"application\/json\"); content.Headers.ContentType = new System.Net.Http.Headers.MediaTypeHeaderValue(\"application\/json\"); request.Content = content; Categories : C# How can i parse strings as the inputs to subprocess.Popen? You haven't said how your code fails, but it looks like you are trying to give MEncoder binary strings as command line parameters. http:\/\/www.mplayerhq.hu\/DOCS\/HTML\/en\/menc-feat-selecting-input.html says that you can give the filename in the command line, not the contents of a file. so to answer your question: with open('merged.flv', 'wb') as f: f.write(out1 + out2) ffmpeg_command2 = [\"mencoder\", \"your\", \"other\", \"args\", \"merged.flv\"] Categories : Python read subprocess output multi-byte characters one by one Wrap the file object in io.TextIOWrapper() to decode the pipe on the fly: import io reader = io.TextIOWrapper(p.stdout, encoding='utf8') while something: char = reader.read(1) Categories : Python Image download with arabic characters in filename (Arabic characters) Use the following web encoding tool and encode the Arabic URL and then hardcode to the url in the program and try http:\/\/meyerweb.com\/eric\/tools\/dencoder\/ Categories : Android What's the use of the filename parameter of ast.parse? It sets the co_filename attribute on the code object, which is used to display the filename in tracebacks. Besides that, it's not really significant what value you pass. >>> c = compile('raise Exception(\"spam\")', 'eggs', 'exec') >>> eval(c) Traceback (most recent call last): File \"\", line 1, in File \"eggs\", line 1, in Exception: spam Categories : Python How can I parse a filename into components You are trying to use Perl-style regular expressions (specifically, the zero-width lookbehind assertion), which bash does not understand. Try the following: regex=\"(.*) S([0-9]{2})E([0-9]{2}) (.*).mp4\" for filename in \"Cop Rock S01E03 Happy Mudder's Day.mp4\" ; do if [[ \"$filename\" =~ $regex ]]; then echo \"Show:${BASH_REMATCH[1]}\" echo \"Season: ${BASH_REMATCH[2]}\" echo \"Episode:${BASH_REMATCH[3]}\" echo \"Title: ${BASH_REMATCH[4]}\" fi done Categories : Regex Insert characters at end of filename (before extension)? Use basename and extname to extract the two parts you want: http:\/\/www.ruby-doc.org\/core-2.0\/File.html#method-c-basename http:\/\/www.ruby-doc.org\/core-2.0\/File.html#method-c-extname Categories : Ruby How to extract last 2 characters before the extension of a filename in bash? In order to pull something out of the middle of a string, you can use a substitution. The following works in bash: filename=myfileRE.txt echo \"${filename\/??.\/.}\" This is matching the pattern \"??.\" and replacing it with \".\". It is similar to a perl or sed substitution, except it uses shell pattern matching instead of regex. Categories : Regex Jquery Filedrop: Russian characters in filename file name has to be urlencoded. add this function to filedrop's default options: var default_opts = { ... rename: function(name){ return encodeURIComponent(name); }, ... } \"\u041a\u0430\u0442\u0430\u043b\u043e\u0433_2.xls\" => \"%D0%9A%D0%B0%D1%82%D0%B0%D0%BB%D0%BE%D0%B3_2.xls\" Categories : HTML Removing last n characters from Unix Filename before the extension If this is a one time (or not very often) occasion, I would create a script with $ls > rename.sh$ vi rename.sh :%s\/(.*)\/mv 1 1\/ (edit manually to remove all the XXXXX from the second file names) :x $source rename.sh If this need occurs frequently, I would need more insight into what XXXXX, YYY, and ZZZZZZZZZZZ are. Addendum Modify this to your liking: ls | sed \"{s\/(.*)(............).txt$\/mv 12.txt 1.txt\/}\" | sh It transforms filenames by omitting 12 characters before .txt and passing the resulting mv command to a shell. Beware: If there are non-matching filenames, it executes the filename\u2014and not a mv command. I omitted a way to select only matching filenames. Categories : Misc Filename in chinese shows as unicode characters I think this may be caused by one of those annoying interactions between the operating system and Emacs. Emacs doesn't seem to know how to interpret the file names, so let's try to help it by inserting this in your .emacs file. (setq default-buffer-file-coding-system 'utf-8-unix) (setq default-file-name-coding-system 'gb2312) (setq default-keyboard-coding-system 'utf-8-unix) (setq default-process-coding-system '(utf-8-unix . utf-8-unix)) You may need to try a different system instead of gb2312. Categories : Emacs gambio gx2 module implementation. Filename CONSTANT i found the solution, i think some newbie like me in gambio search it to. last point insert in database ALTER TABLE admin_access ADD myfile INT( 1 ) NOT NULL DEFAULT '0'; and update it to 1 for true Categories : PHP How to parse through file where filename stored in a variable What you have described could be a result of the following: log_file = 'archive_log' for line in log_file: print line (you print every character in log_file string) Seemingly you want this, however: log_file = 'archive_log' with open(log_file) as f: for line in f: print line Just remember, that the path is relative, and depends on where (from where) you run the code. It is better idea to use absolute paths. You can use eg. os.path.join() to get absolute path based on the name of the file (log_file, whose value in the example is 'archive_log') and path to the script file (__file__). EDIT: The following is the solution for Python 2.4 (Python 2.5 has support for with statement): log_file = 'archive_log' try: f = open(log_file) for line in f: print line Categories : Python How can i use special characters in IE 6 Fonts shipped with old versions of Windows where you can use IE 6 apparently do not cntain the character LATIN SMALL LETTER S WITH COMMA BELOW. Since it would be unrealistic to expect users to install new fonts just to see some special characters, the best shot is to use U+015F LATIN SMALL LETTER S WITH CEDILLA instead, either the character \u201c\u015f\u201d as such or as the character reference \u000ff; or\u015f`. From the Unicode perspective, s with comma below and s with cedilla are glyph variants, but they have been defined as separate characters as requested by the Romanian standards institute, to allow the distinction to be made at the character level. However, even in Romania, this distinction is not made consistently at all, and s with cedilla has a much better font coverage. Categories : HTML Allow special characters in asp .net 3.5 Instead of passing data into QueryString you may pass data from one page to another by using Session as well.Set the Value in Session from page1 and get it easily on page2 and perform your search action easily. I don't know that this is the exact answer of your question but this is also a way to complete your task as well. Hope it works for you. Categories : Javascript Special characters or alt? The stuff inside the quotes is just literal content to be displayed, as per the psuedo-selector, prior to the element's content. As for more, it can be whatever, but it's literal: that is to say, you can't shove some HTML in there and expect it to be treated as such by the browser, it won't be. You can also use the :after pseudo element to do the obvious. From MDN re content: The content CSS property is used with the ::before and ::after pseudo-elements to generate content in an element. Objects inserted using the content property are anonymous replaced elements. Check out the link for more complex values, as I oversimplify here. Categories : HTML Special superscript characters I don't know if it possible to convert symbols to supersripts without creating mapping function for that, but you can just write it manually: update contact SET name='RACH\u1d40\u1d39' where id='10782' sql fiddle demo Mapping function could be something like this: create or replace function superscript(data text) returns text as $$declare ss text[]; lt text[]; begin ss := '{\u1d2c,\u1d2e,\u1d30,\u1d31,\u1d33,\u1d34,\u1d35,\u1d36,\u1d37,\u1d38,\u1d39,\u1d3a,\u1d3c,\u1d3e,\u1d3f,\u1d40,\u1d41}'; lt := '{A,B,D,E,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,R,T,U}'; for i in 1..array_length(ss, 1) loop data := replace(data, lt[i], ss[i]); end loop; return data; end;$$ language plpgsql; sql fiddle demo Categories : SQL","date":"2018-04-23 15:25:38","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": true, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 1, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 0, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.23224905133247375, \"perplexity\": 4558.051011060807}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 10, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": true}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2018-17\/segments\/1524125946077.4\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20180423144933-20180423164933-00291.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
Year 279 (CCLXXIX) was a common year starting on Wednesday (link will display the full calendar) of the Julian calendar. At the time, it was known as the Year of the Consulship of Probus and Paternus (or, less frequently, year 1032 Ab urbe condita). The denomination 279 for this year has been used since the early medieval period, when the Anno Domini calendar era became the prevalent method in Europe for naming years.
Events
By place
Roman Empire
Emperor Probus defeats the Burgundians and Vandals, in Raetia and Pannonia (modern Switzerland and Hungary).
Asia
Winter – Conquest of Wu by Jin: The Jin Dynasty conquers Eastern Wu, the last of the three contending powers in China during the Three Kingdoms Period.
Births
Sima Ying, Chinese prince of the Jin Dynasty (d. 306)
Deaths
Johanan bar Nappaha, Jewish compiler of the Talmud
Tiberius Julius Teiranes, Roman prince and client king
Tufa Shujineng, Chinese chieftain of Jin Dynasty
References | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 6,914 |
{"url":"http:\/\/math.stackexchange.com\/questions\/340190\/is-limit-an-operator\/340207","text":"# Is limit an operator?\n\nAlgebraically, is limit an operator? If so, unlike many operators, it satisfies many operations like $$\\lim_{\\dots}(\\log(x))=\\log(\\lim_{\\dots} x)$$. I mean, not all operations satisfy this property, is there a class, any algebraic classification of such operators?\n\n-\n\nIn some sense it is an operator. Let $X$ be a topological space and $p \\in X$. Let $R$ be the set of all functions $f : X \\to \\mathbb{R}$ such that $\\lim_{x \\to p} f(x)$ exists. Actually this is a subring of the ring of all functions, and $f \\mapsto \\lim_{x \\to p} f(x)$ is a ring homomorphism $R \\to \\mathbb{R}$. For functions $f$ which are continuous at $p$, this coincides with the evaluation homomorphism $f \\mapsto f(p)$.\n\n-\n\nThe limit is a family of linear functionals on the space of functions which are continuous everywhere (so the limit is well-defined).\n\nEvery $x\\in\\Bbb R$ (or another space) defines a functional $\\lim\\limits_{t\\to x} f(t)$. But because $f$ is continuous this is really just $f(\\lim_{t\\to x} t)=f(x)$. So those are the usual evaluation functionals.\n\nThe idea is that the continuity of the functions assures that this is really a well-defined operator, and that its result is the evaluation functional at the point.\n\nYou can talk about functions with certain points of discontinuities, or one-sided limits, but in all of them some weak form of continuity must play a role, or else the limit is not well-defined and it won't be a functional (which is a sort of operator).\n\n-\n\nThink about continuity; this is the essential property here.\n\n-\n\nAlgebraically, is limit a operator?\n\nWhat is an operator in the context of this question?\n\nThe question you are asking is : \"is limit of a function is same as function of a limit\"?\n\nThe answer is no, \"limit of a function is not always same as function of a limit\"\n\nLearn the $\\epsilon,\\delta$ definition of limit\n\nThe name for this property is commutative : http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Commutative_property\n\n-","date":"2014-09-20 08:15:26","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": true, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 0, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 0, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.944625973701477, \"perplexity\": 175.25542524636444}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 10, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": true}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2014-41\/segments\/1410657133033.29\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20140914011213-00333-ip-10-196-40-205.us-west-1.compute.internal.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
\section{\label{sec:level1}First-level heading:\protect\\ The line
\maketitle
\vspace{0.5 cm}
\noindent
{\bf \footnotesize 2000 Mathematics Subject Classifications:} {\scriptsize 35A15, 35B09, 35J15 }.\\
{\bf \footnotesize Key words}. {\scriptsize Variational methods, Positive solutions, Fractional elliptic equations}
\section{Introduction}
The nonlinear fractional Schr\"{o}dinger
equation
$$
i\epsilon \displaystyle \frac{\partial \Psi}{\partial t}=\epsilon^{2s}(-\Delta)^s
\Psi+(V(z)+E)\Psi-f(\Psi)\,\,\, \mbox{for all}\,\,\, z \in
\Re^N,\eqno{(NLS)}
$$
where $N > 2s,$ $\epsilon > 0$, $V,f$ are continuous functions, has been studied in recent years by many researchers. The standing waves solutions of $(NLS)$, namely, $\Phi(z,t)=exp(-i Et)u(z),$ where $u$ is a solution of the
fractional elliptic equation
$$
\ \ \left\{
\begin{array}{l}
\epsilon^{2s} (- \Delta)^su + V(z)u=f(u)
\ \ \mbox{in} \ \ \Re^N,
\\
u \in H^s(\Re^N),\quad u > 0 \ \ \mbox{on} \ \ \Re^N.
\end{array}
\right.
\eqno{(P_{\epsilon})}
$$
In the local case, that is, when $s=1,$ the existence and concentration of
positive solutions for general semilinear elliptic equations
$(P_{\epsilon})$, for the case $N \geq 2$, have been extensively
studied, for example, by \cite{AOS,Alves10,BPW,BW0,Pino,PFM,OS,FW,Oh1,R,W}, and their references. Rabinowtz in \cite{R}, proved the
existence of positive solutions of $(P_{\epsilon})$, for $\epsilon > 0$
small, imposing a global condition,
\[
\liminf_{|z| \rightarrow \infty} V(z) > \inf_{z \in
\mathbb{R}^N}V(z)=\gamma >0.
\]
In fact, these solutions concentrate at
global minimum points of $V$ as $\epsilon$ tends to 0, c.f. Wang in \cite{W}. del Pino and Felmer in \cite{Pino}, assuming a local condition, namely, there is an open and bounded set $\Lambda$ compactly contained in $\mathbb{R}^{N}$ satisfying
$$
0< \gamma \leq V_0 =\inf_{z\in\Lambda}V(z)< \min_{z \in
\partial\Lambda}V(z), \eqno{(V_{1})}
$$
established the existence of positive solutions which concentrate around local minimum of $V,$ by introducing a penalization method.
In \cite{PFM}, del Pino, Felmer and Miyagaki considered the case where potential $V$ has a saddle like geometry. They assumed that $V$ is bounded and $V \in C^{2}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$, verifying the following conditions: Fixed two subspaces $X,Y \subset \mathbb{R}^{N}$ such that
$
\mathbb{R}^{N}=X \oplus Y,
$
define $c_0,c_1>0$ given by \\
$$
\displaystyle c_0=\inf_{z \in \mathbb{R}^{N}}V(z)>0
\quad \mbox{
and}\quad
c_1=\displaystyle \sup_{x \in X}V(x),
$$
satisfying the following geometric condition \\
\noindent $(V_1)$
$$
c_0=\inf_{R>0}\sup_{x \in \partial B_R(0) \cap X }V(x)<\inf_{y \in Y}V(y).
$$
In addition to the above hypotheses, they imposed the conditions below:\\
\noindent $(V_2)$ \quad The functions $V, \frac{\partial V}{\partial x_i}$ and $\frac{\partial^{2} V}{\partial x_i \partial x_j}$ are bounded
in $\mathbb{R}^{N}$ for all $i,j \in \{1,...,N\}$. \\
\noindent $(V_3)$ \quad $V$ satisfies the Palais-Smale condition, that is, if $(x_n) \subset \mathbb{R}^{N}$ is a sequence such that $(V(x_n))$ is bounded and $\nabla V(x_n) \to 0$, then $(x_n)$ possesses a convergent subsequence in $\mathbb{R}^{N}$. \\
Using the above conditions on $V$, and supposing that
$$
c_1<2^{\frac{2(p-1)}{N+2-p(N-2)}}c_0,
$$
the authors in \cite{PFM} showed the existence of positive solutions for $(P_{\epsilon})$ with $ f(u)=|u|^{p-2}u$,
where $p \in (2,2^{*})$ if $N \geq 3$ and $p \in (2,+\infty)$ if $N=1,2$, for $\epsilon>0$ small enough. Here $2^*=\frac{2N}{N-2} $ is the critical Sobolev exponent.
Motivated by the results obtained in \cite{PFM}, with the potential $V$ having the same geometry as considered in \cite{PFM}, Alves in \cite{AlvesNovo} proved the existence of positive solution result for $(P_{\epsilon})$, not only with $f$ having an exponential critical growth, for $N=2,$ but also with $f(u)=|u|^{q-2}u+|u|^{2^{*}-2}u $, \ where $q \in (2,2^{*})$ and $N\geq 3.$
\vspace{0.3 cm}
In the nonlocal case, that is, when $s\in (0,1),$ even in the subcritical case, there are only few references on existence and/or concentration phenomena for fractional nonlinear equation $(P_{\epsilon})$, maybe because techniques developed for local case can not be adapted imediately, c.f. \cite{Secchi}. We would like to cite \cite{Secchi, Shang} for the existence of positive solution, imposing a global condition on $V.$ In \cite{Davila} is studied the existence and concentration phenomena for potential verifying local condition $(V_1)$, and in \cite{Chen, ShangZhang} a concentration phenomenon is treated near of non degenerate critical point of $V.$
\vspace{0.3cm}
By using the same approach as in \cite{AlvesNovo}, we will establish an existence result of positive solution for the following class of problem involving critical Sobolev exponents
$$
\epsilon^{2}(-\Delta)^{s}u+V(x)u=\lambda |u|^{q-2}u+|u|^{2^{*}_s-2}u\,\,\, \mbox{in} \,\,\, \mathbb{R}^{N}, \eqno{(P_\epsilon)_*}
$$
where $s\in (0,1),$ $\epsilon, \lambda >0$ are positive parameters, $q \in (2,2_s^{*}), 2_s^{*}=\frac{2N}{N-2s}, N >2s,$ with $V$ verifying the above conditions and a relation on the numbers $c_0$ and $c_1,$ given by
\vspace{0.3 cm}
\noindent $(V_4)$ \quad $m_\lambda(V(0)) \geq 2m_\lambda(c_0)$ and $c_1 \leq c_0 + \frac{3}{5}\left(\frac{1}{2}-\frac{1}{q}\right)c_0,$
\vspace{0.5 cm}
\noindent where $m_\lambda(A)$ is the mountain pass level of the functional
$$
J_{\lambda, A}(u)=\frac{1}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|\xi|^{2s}|\widehat{u}|^2 d\xi+ \frac{A}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|u|^{2} \,dx- \frac{\lambda}{q} \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}} |u|^{q} dx-\frac{1}{2^{*}_{s}}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|u|^{2^{*}_{s}} dx
$$
defined in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$. It is well known that the equality below holds
$$
m_\lambda(A)=\inf_{u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}) \setminus \{0\}}\left\{\max_{t \geq 0}J_{\lambda,A}(tu) \right\}.
$$
Using the above notation we are able to state our main result
\begin{thm} \label{T2} Assume that $(V_1)-(V_4)$ hold. Then, there is $\epsilon_0>0$, and $\lambda^{*}>0$ independent of $\epsilon_0$, such that $(P_\epsilon)_*$ has a positive solution for all $\epsilon \in (0,\epsilon_0]$ and $\lambda \geq \lambda^{*}$.
\end{thm}
The proof of Theorem \ref{T2} was inspired from \cite{AlvesNovo} and \cite{PFM}, however since we are working
with fractional laplacian, the estimates for this class of nonlocal problem are very delicate and different from those used in the local problems. We minimize the energy function constrained on the Nehari manifold, and to this end, we modify the barycenter properly for our problem
We recall that, for any $s \in (0,1)$, the fractional Sobolev space $H^{s}(\Re^N)$ is definied by
\[
H^{s}(\Re^N)=\Big\{u\in L^2(\Re^N): \ \int_{\Re^{2N}}\frac{(u(x)-u(y))^2}{|x-y|^{N+2s}}\ d x\ d y<\infty\Big\},
\]
endowed with the norm
$$
\|u\|_{H^s(\Re^N)}=\Big(|u|_{L^2(\mathbb{R}^{N})}^2+\int_{\Re^{2N}}\frac{(u(x)-u(y))^2}{|x-y|^{N+2s}}\ d x\ d y\Big)^{1/2}.
$$
The fractional Laplacian, $(-\Delta)^{s}u,$ of a smooth function $u:\Re^{N} \rightarrow \Re$ is defined by
$$
{\mathcal F}((-\Delta)^{s}u)(\xi)=|\xi|^{2s}{\mathcal F}(u)(\xi), \ \xi \in \Re^N,
$$
where ${\mathcal F}$ denotes the Fourier transform, that is,
\[
{\mathcal F}(\phi)(\xi)=\frac{1}{(2\pi)^{\frac{N}{2}}} \int_{\mathbb{R}^N} \mathit{e}^{-i \xi \cdot x} \phi (x) \, \ d x \equiv \widehat{\phi}(\xi) ,
\]
for functions $\phi$ in the Schwartz class.
Also $(-\Delta)^{s}u$ can be equivalently represented \cite[Lemma 3.2]{nezza} as
$$
(-\Delta)^{s} u(x) = -\frac{1}{2} C(N,s)\int_{\Re^N}\frac{(u(x+y)+u(x-y)-2 u(x))}{|y|^{N+2s}}\ d y, \ \forall x \in \Re^N,
$$
where
$$C(N,s)=(\int_{\Re^N}\frac{(1- cos\xi_1)}{|\xi|^{N+2s}}d\xi)^{-1},\ \xi=(\xi_1,\xi_2,\ldots,\xi_N).$$
Also, in light of \cite[Propostion~3.4,Propostion~3.6]{nezza}, we have
\begin{equation}
\label{equinorm}
|(-\Delta)^{s/2} u|^2_{L^2(\Re^N)}=\int_{\Re^N}|\xi|^{2s}|\widehat{u}|^2d\xi=\frac{1}{2}C(N,s)\int_{\Re^{2N}}\frac{(u(x)-u(y))^2}{|x-y|^{N+2s}}\ d x \ d y, \quad \text{for all $u\in H^{s}(\Re^N)$},
\end{equation}
and, sometimes, we identify these two quantities by omitting the normalization constant $\frac{1}{2} C(N,s).$
For $ N > 2s,$ from \cite[Theorem 6.5]{nezza} we also know that, for any $p \in [ 2, 2^{*}_{s}]$,
there exists $C_p>0$ such that
\begin{equation}
\label{emb}
|u|_{L^p(\mathbb{R}^{N})}\leq C_p\|u\|_{H^{s}(\Re^N)},
\,\quad\text{for all $u\in H^{s}(\Re^N)$}.
\end{equation}
The best Sobolev constant $S$ is given by (see \cite{Coti})
$$S=\inf_{u \in H^{s}_{0}(\Re^N)\setminus \{0 \}}\frac{\int_{\Re^{2N}} \frac{|u(x)-u(y)|^2}{|x-y|^{N+2s}}dx dy}{(\int_{\Re^N}|u|^{2^{*}_{s}}dx)^{\frac{2}{2^{*}_{s}} } },$$
which is attained by
$$v_0(x)=\frac{c}{(\theta^2 +|x-x_0|^2)^{\frac{N-2s}{2}}}, \ x \in \Re^N, $$
where $c, \theta >0$ are constants and $x_0\in \Re^N$ fixed, and
$$H^s_{0}(\mathbb{R}^{N})=\{u \in L^{2^{*}_{s}}(\Re^N): \ |\xi|^s\widehat{u} \in L^2(\Re^N)\}.$$
Before to conclude this introduction, we would like point out that using the change variable $v(x)=u(\epsilon x)$, it is possible to prove that $(P_\epsilon)$ is equivalent to the following problem
$$
(-\Delta)^s {u}+V(\epsilon x)u=f(u) \,\,\, \mbox{in} \,\,\, \mathbb{R}^{N}, \eqno{(P_\epsilon)'}
$$
where
$$
f(t)=\lambda |t|^{q-2}t+|t|^{2^{*}_{s}-2}t, \quad \forall t \in \Re.
$$
In the present paper, we denote by $I_\epsilon$ the energy functional associated with $(P_\epsilon)'$ given by
\begin{eqnarray*}
I_\epsilon(u)&=&\frac{1}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|\xi|^{2s}|\widehat{ u}|^{2}d\xi+\frac{1}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}V(\epsilon x)|u|^{2}\,dx- \frac{\lambda}{q} \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}} |u|^{q} dx- \frac{1}{2^{*}_{s}}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|u|^{2^{*}_{s}} dx,
\end{eqnarray*}
for all $ u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}).$
It is standard to prove that $I_\epsilon \in C^1(H^{s}(\Re^N),\Re)$ with Gateaux derivative
\begin{eqnarray*}
I'_\epsilon(u)v&=&\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|\xi|^{2s}\widehat{ u}\ \widehat{ v}d\xi+\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}V(\epsilon x)u v\,dx- \lambda \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}} |u|^{q-2}u v dx- \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|u|^{2^{*}_{s}-2} uvdx
\end{eqnarray*}
for all $ u, v \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}).$
This way, $u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ is a weak solution for $(P_\epsilon)'$ if, and only if, $u$ is a critical point for $I_\epsilon$.
\vspace{0.5 cm}
\noindent \textbf{Notation:} In this paper we use the following
notations:
\begin{itemize}
\item The usual norms in $L^{t}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ and $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ will be denoted by
$|\,. \,|_{t}$ and $\|\;\;\;\|$ respectively.
\item $C$ denotes (possible different) any positive constant.
\item $B_{R}(z)$ denotes the open ball with center at $z$ and
radius $R$.
\end{itemize}
\section{Technical results}
The next lemma is a Lions Lemma type result which
can be adapted to our case, see \cite[Proposition II.3]{Secchi}.
\begin{lem} \label{lions} Let $(u_n) \subset H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ be a sequence such that,
if there is $R>0$ such that
$$
\lim_{n \to +\infty}\sup_{z \in \mathbb{R}^N}\int_{B_R(z)}|u_n|^{2}\,dx=0,
$$
then
$$
\lim_{n \to +\infty}\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|u_n|^q\,dx=0,\ \quad \forall q \in (2, 2^{*}_{s}).
$$
\end{lem}
As a consequence of the above lemma, we have the following result
\begin{cor} \label{sequencia} Let $(u_n) \subset H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ be a $(PS)_c$ sequence
for $I_\epsilon,$ that is,
$$ I_{\epsilon}( u_n) \to c,\quad \mbox{and}\quad I^{´}_{\epsilon}(u_n) \to 0,$$
with $0<c< \frac{s}{N} (2^{-1}C(N,s)S)^{N/2s}$ and $u_n \rightharpoonup 0.$
Then, there exists $(z_n) \subset \mathbb{R}^N$ with $|z_n| \to +\infty$ such that
$$
v_n=u_n(\cdot+z_n) \rightharpoonup v \not=0 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
$$
\end{cor}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} We claim that for any $R>0$,
$$
\lim_{n \to +\infty}\sup_{z \in \mathbb{R}^N}\int_{B_R(z)}|u_n|^{2}\,dx>0.
$$
Otherwise, there is $R>0$ such that
$$
\lim_{n \to +\infty}\sup_{z \in \mathbb{R}^N}\int_{B_R(z)}|u_n|^{2}\,dx=0.
$$
Hence, by Lemma \ref{lions},
$$
\lim_{n \to +\infty}\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|u_n|^q\,dx=0, \quad \ q\in (2, 2^{*}_{s}).
$$
Since $0<c< \frac{s}{N} (2^{-1}C(N,s)S)^{N/2s}$, arguing as in \cite[Lemma 3.3]{carrion} for local case, \cite[Lemma 3.4]{Shang} for nonlocal case, the last limit combined with $I'_\epsilon(u_n)u_n=o_n(1)$ gives
$$
u_n \to 0 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N),
$$
implying that
$$
I_\epsilon(u_n) \to 0,
$$
which is a contradiction, because by hypotheses $I_\epsilon(u_n) \to c>0$. Thereby, for each $R>0$,
there are $(z_n) \subset \mathbb{R}^N$, $\tau>0$ and a subsequence of $(u_n)$, still denoted by itself, such that
\begin{equation} \label{L 1}
\int_{B_R(z_n)}|u_n|^{2}\,dx \geq \tau, \quad \forall n \in \mathbb{N}.
\end{equation}
Setting $v_n=u_n(\cdot+z_n)$, we have that $(v_n)$ is bounded in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$. Thus, for
some subsequence of $(u_n)$, still denoted by $(u_n)$,
there is $v \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ such that
\begin{equation} \label{L2}
v_n \rightharpoonup v \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
\end{equation} \label{L3}
From (\ref{L 1}) and (\ref{L2}),
$$
\int_{B_R(0)}|v|^{2}\,dx \geq \tau,
$$
showing that $v \not= 0$. Moreover, (\ref{L 1}) gives that $|z_n| \to +\infty$, because
$u_n \rightharpoonup 0$ in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$.
\fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
The lemma below brings an important estimate from above involving the mountain pass level $m_\lambda(c_0)$, which is crucial in our approach.
\begin{lem} \label{ESTIMATIVA SUPERIOR} There is $\lambda^{*}>0$ such that
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \leq \frac{s}{2N} (2^{-1}C(N,s)S)^{N/2s},
$$
for all $\lambda \geq \lambda^{*}$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.}
Let $w \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{2}) \setminus \{0\}$. We know that there is $t_\lambda>0$ such that
$$
t_\lambda w \in \mathcal{M}_{c_0}=\left\{u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}) \setminus \{0\}\,:\, J'_{\lambda,c_0}(u)u=0\right\},
$$
that is
$$
\|w\|^{2}=\lambda t_\lambda^{q-2} |w|_{q}^{q}+t_\lambda^{2_s^{*}-2}|w|_{2_s^{*}}^{2_s^{*}}.
$$
The above equality gives
$$
t_\lambda \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad \lambda \to +\infty.
$$
As
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \leq \max_{t \geq 0}J_{\lambda,c_0}(tw)\leq \frac{t_{\lambda}^{2}}{2}\|w\|^{2},
$$
we derive that
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad \lambda \to +\infty,
$$
finishing the proof. \fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
As a consequence of the last results we have the following corollary
{\begin{cor} \label{ground state} The problem
$$
(-\Delta)^{s}{u}+c_0u=\lambda |u|^{q-2}u+|u|^{2^{*}_s-2}u\,\,\, \mbox{in} \,\,\, \mathbb{R}^{N}, \eqno{(P_{\lambda,\infty})}
$$
possesses a positive ground state solution for all $\lambda \geq \lambda^{*}$, that is, there is $w \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ such that
$$
J_{\lambda,c_0}(w)=m_\lambda(c_0) \quad \mbox{and} \quad J'_{\lambda,c_0}(w)=0,
$$
for all $\lambda \geq \lambda^{*}$.
\end{cor}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} The existence of a ground state solution can be obtained repeating the same idea found in Alves, Carri\~ao and Miyagaki \cite{carrion} for the local case, that is, $s=1$. By using the definition $\|\,\,\,\,\|$, we have that
$$
\||u|\| \leq \|u\| \quad \forall u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}).
$$
Thus, if $u_0$ is a ground state solution,
$$
J'_{\lambda,c_0}(|u_0|)|u_0| \leq J'_{\lambda,c_0}(u_0)u_0.
$$
From this, there is $t_1 \in (0,1]$ such that $t_1 |u_{0}|\in \mathcal{M}_{c_0}$, and so,
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \leq J_{\lambda,c_0}(t_1|u_{0}|) \leq J_{\lambda,c_0}(u_0)=m_\lambda(c_0),
$$
implying that $J_{\lambda,c_0}(t_1|u_{0}|)=m(c_0)$. Using Deformation Lemma, we deduce that $t_1 |u_{0}|$ is a critical point, and so, it is a ground state solution, finishing the proof.
\fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
The next lemma shows that there is positive radial ground state solution.
\begin{lem} \label{RADIAL} If $u_0$ is a positive ground state solution of $(P_{\lambda,\infty})$, then its symmetrization denoted by $u^{*}_0$ is also a positive ground state solution of $(P_{\lambda,\infty})$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} Denote by $u^{*}_0$ the symmetrization of $u_0$. Then, c.f. \cite{Park},
$$
\|u^{*}_{0}\|\leq \|u_0\|, \quad |u^{*}_{0}|_q=|u_{0}|_q \quad \mbox{and} \quad |u^{*}_{0}|_{2^{*}_{s}}=|u_{0}|_{2^{*}_{s}}.
$$
From this, $J'_{\lambda,c_0}(u^{*}_{0})u^{*}_{0}\leq 0$. Then, there is $t_0 \in (0,1]$ such that $t_0 u^{*}_{0} \in \mathcal{M}_{c_0}$. Thereby,
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \leq J_{\lambda,c_0}(t_0u^{*}_{0}) \leq J_{\lambda,c_0}(u^{*})=m_\lambda(c_0),
$$
implying that $J_{\lambda,c_0}(t_0u^{*}_{0})=m_\lambda(c_0)$. The above inequality also ensures that $t_0=1$, otherwise we must have
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \leq J_{\lambda,c_0}(t_0u^{*}_{0}) < J_{\lambda,c_0}(u^{*})=m_\lambda(c_0),
$$
which is an absurd. From this, $J_{\lambda,c_0}(u^{*}_{0})=m_\lambda(c_0)$. Now, applying Deformation Lemma, we deduce that $u^{*}_{0}$ is critical point, then it is a radial ground state solution. \fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
The lemma below is a key point in our arguments, because it is a regularity result for problems of the type
$$
\left\{
\begin{array}{l}
(-\Delta)^{s}{u}+\alpha u=\lambda |u|^{q-2}u+|u|^{2^{*}_s-2}u,\,\,\, \mbox{in} \,\,\, \mathbb{R}^{N}, \\
u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})
\end{array}
\right.
\eqno{(P_{\lambda,\alpha})}
$$
for $\lambda, \alpha>0$
\begin{lem} \label{regularidade} If $u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ is a solution of $(P_{\lambda,\alpha})$, then $u \in C^{2}(\mathbb{R}^{N}) \cap H^{1}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} In what follows, we will use an approach due to Cabr\'e and Sire \cite{cabre} , that is, we will see the problem of the following way , c.f. \cite{caffarelli},
$$
\left\{
\begin{array}{rclcl}
div(y^{1-2s}{\nabla v})&=&0, & \mbox{in} & \mathbb{R}_{+}^{N+1}, \\
2(1-s)\frac{\partial v}{\partial \nu^{s}}&=&-\alpha v+f(v), & \mbox{on}& \mathbb{R}^{N},
\end{array}
\right.
\eqno{(P^{*}_{\lambda,\alpha})}
$$
where $\mathbb{R}_{+}^{N+1}=\{(x_1,....,x_N,y) \in \mathbb{R}^{N+1}\,:\, y>0\}$, $\lambda, \alpha>0$ and
$$
\frac{\partial v}{\partial \nu^{s}}(x)=- \lim_{y \to 0^{+}}y^{1-2s}\frac{\partial v}{\partial y }(x,y).
$$
Associated with $(P^{*}_{\lambda,\alpha})$, we have the energy functional $I:X^{1,\alpha} \to \mathbb{R}$ given by
\begin{equation} \label{E1}
I(v)=\frac{1}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}_{+}^{N+1}}y^{1-2s}|\nabla v|^{2}\,dxdy+\frac{1}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}\alpha|v|^{2}\,dx-\int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}F(v)\,dx
\end{equation}
where $F$ denotes the primitive of $f$, that is,
$$
F(t)=\int_{0}^{t}f(s)\,ds=\lambda \frac{1}{q}|t|^q +\frac{1}{2^{*}_{s}}|t|^{2^{*}_{s}}, \quad \forall t \in \Re
$$
and $X^{1,s}$ is the Hilbert space obtained as the closure of $C_{0}^{\infty}(\overline{\mathbb{R}_{+}^{N+1}})$ under the norm
$$
\|v\|_{1,s}=\left( \int_{\mathbb{R}_{+}^{N+1}}|\nabla v|^{2}\,dxdy + \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}\alpha|v|^{2}\,dx\right)^{\frac{1}{2}}.
$$
Using some embeddings mentioned in Br\"andle,Colorado and S\'anchez \cite{Brandle}( see also \cite{CW,ZhangLiuJiao}), we deduce that the embeddings
$$
X^{1,s} \hookrightarrow L^{p}(\mathbb{R}^{N}) \,\,\, \mbox{for} \,\,\ p \in [2, 2^{*}_{\alpha}]
$$
are continuous, where $2^{*}_{s}=\frac{2N}{N-2s}$. Moreover, we know that $u$ is a solution of $(P_{\lambda,\alpha})$ if, and only if, $u=v(x,0)$ for all $x \in \mathbb{R}^{N}$, for some critical point $v$ of $I$.
In what follows, for each $L>0$, we set
$$
v_L(x,y)=
\left\{
\begin{array}{lcr}
v(x,y), &\mbox{if}& (x,y)\leq L\\
L, &\mbox{if}& v(x,y) \geq L
\end{array}
\right.
$$
and
$$
z_L=v_L^{2(\beta -1)}v,
$$
with $\beta >1$ to be determined later. Since $I'(v)z_L=0,$ adapting the same approach explored in Alves and Figueiredo \cite[Lemma 4.1]{AF2}, we will find the following estimate
$$
|v(.,0)|_{\infty} \leq C |v(.,0)|_{{2^{*}_s}},
$$
or equivalently,
$$
|u|_{{\infty}} \leq C |u|_{{2^{*}_s}}.
$$
Now, fixing $M=|u|_\infty+1$, we consider the following function
$$
g_M(t)=
\left\{
\begin{array}{lcc}
0, & \mbox{if} & t \leq 0 \\
\lambda t^{q-1}+t^{2^{*}_s}-1, & \mbox{if} & 0 \geq t \leq M, \\
\lambda t^{q-1}+ A_Mt^{q-1}+B_M, & \mbox{if} & t \geq M,
\end{array}
\right.
$$
where $A_M$ and $B_M$ are chosen such that $g_M \in C^{1}(\mathbb{R})$. It is easy to see that $g_M$ has a subcritical growth and $u$ is a solution of the problem
$$
\left\{
\begin{array}{l}
(-\Delta)^{s}{u}+\alpha u=g_M(u),\,\,\, \mbox{in} \,\,\, \mathbb{R}^{N}, \\
u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}).
\end{array}
\right.
\eqno{(P_{\lambda,\alpha,M})}
$$
Using the arguments explored in Felmer, Quass and Tan \cite{FQT}( see also \cite{Frank1}), we deduce that
$$
|u(x)| \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad |x| \to +\infty.
$$
This way, we see that $(-\Delta)^{s}u \in L^{\infty}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$, and so, $u \in C^{2}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$. Repeating the same arguments found in \cite[Section 2]{Moustapha}, we also have $|\nabla u| \in L^{2}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$. As $u \in L^{2}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$, it follows that $u \in H^{1}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$.
\fim
\begin{lem} \label{L1} Under the hypotheses $(V_1)-(V_4)$ and $\lambda \geq \lambda^{*}$, for each $\sigma >0$,
there is $\epsilon_0=\epsilon(\lambda, \sigma)>0$, such that $I_\epsilon$ satisfies the $(PS)_c$ condition for
all $c \in (m_\lambda(c_0)+\sigma,2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma)$, for all $\epsilon \in (0, \epsilon_0)$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} \, We will prove the lemma arguing by contradiction. Suppose that there is $\sigma >0$ and
$\epsilon_n \to 0$, such that $I_{\epsilon_n}$ does not satisfy the $(PS)$ condition.
Thereby, there is $c_n \in (m_\lambda(c_0)+\sigma,2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma)$ such that
$I_{\epsilon_n}$ does not verify the $(PS)_{c_n}$ condition. Then, there is sequence $(u^{n}_m)$ such that
\begin{equation} \label{E1}
\lim_{m \to +\infty}I_{\epsilon_n}(u^{n}_m)=c_n \quad \mbox{and} \quad \lim_{m \to +\infty}I'_{\epsilon_n}(u^{n}_m)=0,
\end{equation}
with
\begin{equation} \label{E2}
u^{n}_m \rightharpoonup u_n \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \quad \mbox{but}
\quad u^{n}_m \not\to u_n \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
\end{equation}
Then, for $v^{n}_m=u^{n}_m-u_n$, the Brezis-Lieb Lemma yields
$$
I_{\epsilon_n}(u^{n}_m)=I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)+I_{\epsilon_n}(v^{n}_m)+o_m(1) \quad
\mbox{and} \quad I'_{\epsilon_n}(v^{n}_m)=o_m(1).
$$
\begin{claim} \label{CorLions} There is $\delta>0$, such that
$$
\liminf_{m \to +\infty}\sup_{y \in \mathbb{R}^N}\int_{B_R(y)}|v^{n}_{m}|^{2}\,dx \geq \delta, \quad \forall n \in \mathbb{N}.
$$
\end{claim}
Indeed, if the claim does not hold, there is $(n_j) \subset \mathbb{N}$ satisfying
$$
\liminf_{m \to +\infty}\sup_{y \in \mathbb{R}^N}\int_{B_R(y)}|v^{n_j}_{m}|^{2}\,dx \leq \frac{1}{j}, \quad \forall j \in \mathbb{N}.
$$
Using the arguments found in \cite{W} and \cite{Secchi}, we deduce that
\begin{equation} \label{Lq}
\limsup_{m \to +\infty}|v^{n_j}_{m}|_q=o_j(1), \quad \forall q \in (2, 2^{*}_{s}).
\end{equation}
Then
$$
\limsup_{m \to +\infty}\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|v^{n_j}_{m}|^q\,dx=o_j(1).
$$
As $I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)\geq 0$ and $c <\frac{s}{N} (2^{-1}C(N,s)S)^{N/2s},$ the above estimate combined with (\ref{Lq}) and $I'_{\epsilon_{n_j}}(v^{n_j}_{m})(v^{n_j}_{m})=o_{m}(1)$ gives
$$
\limsup_{m \to +\infty}\|v^{n_j}_m\|^{2}=o_j(1).
$$
Now since $u^{n_j}_m \not\to u_{n_j}$ in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$, we derive that
$$
\liminf_{m \to +\infty}\|v^{n_j}_m\|^{2}>0.
$$
Then, without loss of generality, we can assume that $(v^{n_j}_m) \subset H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \setminus \{0\}$.
Thereby, there is $t^{n_j}_m \in (0,+\infty)$ such that
$$
t^{n_j}_m v^{n_j}_m \in \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon_{n_j}},
$$
\noindent verifying
$$
\lim_{m \to +\infty}t^{n_{j}}_m=1
\quad \mbox{
and}\quad
\lim_{m \to +\infty}I_{\epsilon_{n_j}}(t^{n_{j}}_m v^{n_j}_m)= \lim_{m \to +\infty}I_{\epsilon_{n_j}}(v^{n_j}_m).
$$
From the above informations, there is $r^{n_j}_m \in (0,1)$ such that
$$
r^{n_j}_m (t^{n_j}_m v^{n_j}_m) \in \mathcal{M}_{c_0}.
$$
Hence,
\begin{eqnarray*}
m_\lambda(c_0) &\leq& \limsup_{m \to +\infty}J_{c_0}(r^{n_j}_m (t^{n_j}_m v^{n_j}_m))
\leq \limsup_{m \to +\infty}I_{\epsilon_{n_j}}(t^{n_j}_m v^{n_j}_m)\\ & =&
\limsup_{m \to +\infty}I_{\epsilon_{n_j}}(v^{n_j}_m)\leq \frac{(1+|V|_{\infty})}{2} \limsup_{m \to +\infty}\|v^{n_j}_m\|^{2},
\end{eqnarray*}
that is,
$$
m_\lambda(c_0) \leq o_j(1),
$$
which is a contradiction.
From the above study, for each $m \in \mathbb{N}$, there is $m_n \in \mathbb{N}$ such that
$$
\int_{B_R(z^{n}_{m_n})}|u^{n}_{m_n}|^{2}\,dx \geq \frac{\delta}{2}, \quad |\epsilon_n z^{n}_{m_n}| \geq n,
\quad \|I'_{\epsilon_n}(u^{n}_{m_n})\|\leq \frac{1}{n} \quad \mbox{and} \quad |I_{\epsilon_n}(u^{n}_{m_n})-c_n|\leq \frac{1}{n}.
$$
In what follows, we denote by $(z_n)$ and $(u_n)$ the sequences $(z^{n}_{m_n})$ and $(u^ {n}_{m_n})$ respectively. Then,
$$
\int_{B_R(z_n)}|u_{n}|^{2}\,dx \geq \frac{\delta}{2}, \quad |\epsilon_n z_{n}| \geq n, \quad
\|I'_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)\|\leq \frac{1}{n} \quad \mbox{and} \quad |I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)-c_n|\leq \frac{1}{n}.
$$
\begin{claim} \label{limite fraco} $u_n \rightharpoonup 0$ in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$.
\end{claim}
Indeed, assume by contradiction that there is $u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \setminus \{0\}$ such that
$$
u_n \rightharpoonup u \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
$$
Using the limit $ \|I'_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)\|\to 0$, it is possible to prove that $u$ is a solution of the problem
$$
(-\Delta)^{s}{u}+V(0)u-f(u)=0 \quad \mbox{in} \quad \mathbb{R}^N.
$$
Then, the definition of $m_\lambda(V(0))$ together with $(V_4)$ gives
$$
J_{\lambda, V(0)}(u) \geq m_\lambda(V(0)) \geq 2m_\lambda(c_0).
$$
On the other hand, the Fatous' lemma leads to
$$
J_{\lambda, V(0)}(u) \leq \liminf_{n \to +\infty}[I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)-\frac{1}{\theta}I'_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)]=
\liminf_{n \to +\infty}I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n)=\liminf_{n \to +\infty}c_n \leq 2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma,
$$
obtaining a contradiction. Then , the Claim \ref{limite fraco} is proved.
Considering $w_n=u_n(\cdot+z_n)$, we have that $(w_n)$ is bounded in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$.
Then, there is $w \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ such that
$$
w_n \rightharpoonup w \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
$$
Hence,
$$
\int_{B_R(0)}|w|^{2}\,dx \geq \frac{\delta}{2},
$$
showing that $w \not= 0$.
Now, for each $\phi \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$, we have the equality below
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s} \widehat{ w_n}\widehat{ \phi} \, d \xi + \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}V(\epsilon_n z_n+\epsilon_n z)w_n \phi
\, dx - \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(w_n)\phi \, dx = o_n(1)\|\phi\|
$$
which implies that, see \cite[Theorem 3.5]{Shang}, $w$ is a nontrivial solution of the problem
\begin{equation} \label{equacao}
(-\Delta)^{s}{u}+\alpha_1u-f(u)=0 \quad \mbox{in} \quad \mathbb{R}^N,
\end{equation}
where $\alpha_1=\displaystyle \lim_{n \to +\infty}V(\epsilon_n z_n)$. Thereby, by Lemma \ref{regularidade}, $w \in C^{2}(\mathbb{R}^N) \cap H^{1}(\mathbb{R}^N)$.
For each $k \in \mathbb{N}$, there is $\phi_k \in C^{\infty}_{0}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ such that
$$
\|\phi_k -w\| \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad k \to +\infty,
$$
that is,
$$
\|\phi_k -w\|=o_k(1).
$$
Using $\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}$ as a test function, we get
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s} \widehat{ w_n}\widehat{ \frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}} d \xi+
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}V(\epsilon_n z+\epsilon_n z_n)w_n\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}\,dx-
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(w_n)\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}\,dx=o_n(1).
$$
Now, using well known arguments, we have that
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s} \widehat{ w_n}\widehat{ \frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}} d \xi=\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s} \widehat{ w}\widehat{ \frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}} d \xi+o_n(1)
$$
and
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(w_n)\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}\,dx=\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(w)\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}\,dx+o_n(1).
$$
Gathering the above limit with (\ref{equacao}), we deduce that
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(V(\epsilon_n z_n+\epsilon_n z)-V(\epsilon_n z_n))w_n\frac{\partial \phi_k }
{\partial x_i}\,dx\right|=0.
$$
As $\phi_k$ has compact support , the above limit gives
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(V(\epsilon_n z_n+\epsilon_n z)-V(\epsilon_n z_n))w\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}\,dx\right|=0.
$$
Also since $\frac{\partial w}{\partial x_i} \in L^{2}(\mathbb{R}^N)$, we have that $(\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i})$
is bounded in $L^{2}(\mathbb{R}^N).$ Hence,
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(V(\epsilon_n z_n+\epsilon_n z)-V(\epsilon_n z_n))
\phi_k\frac{\partial \phi_k}{\partial x_i}\,dx\right|=o_k(1),
$$
and so,
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\frac{1}{2}\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(V(\epsilon_n z_n+\epsilon_n z)-V(\epsilon_n z_n))\frac{\partial
(\phi_k^{2})}{\partial x_i}\,dx\right|=o_k(1).
$$
Using Green's Theorem together with the fact that $\phi_k$ has compact support, we find the limit below
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}\frac{\partial V}{\partial x_i}(\epsilon_n z_n+\epsilon_n z)
\, \phi_k^{2}\,dx\right|=o_k(1),
$$
which leads to
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\frac{\partial V}{\partial x_i}(\epsilon_n z_n)\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\phi_k|^{2}\,dx\right|=o_k(1).
$$
As
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\phi_k|^{2}\,dx \to \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|w|^{2}\,dx \quad \mbox{as} \quad k \to +\infty,
$$
it follows that
$$
\limsup_{n \to +\infty}\left|\frac{\partial V}{\partial x_i}(\epsilon_n z_n)\right|=o_k(1), \quad \forall i \in \{1,....,N\}.
$$
Since $k$ is arbitrary, we derive that
$$
\nabla V(\epsilon_n z_n) \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad n \to \infty.
$$
Therefore, $(\epsilon_n z_n)$ is a $(PS)_\alpha$ sequence for $V$, which is an absurd, because by hypotheses on $V$, it satisfies the $(PS)$ condition and $(\epsilon_n z_n)$ does not have any convergent subsequence in $\mathbb{R}^N$.
\fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
Denote by ${\mathcal N}_{\epsilon}$ the Nehari Manifold associated with $I_\epsilon$, that is,
$$
{\mathcal N}_{\epsilon}=\left\{ u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \setminus \{0\}\,:\, I'_{\epsilon}(u)u=0 \right\}.
$$
\begin{lem}\label{PS em Nehari} For $\lambda \geq \lambda^{*}$ and $\sigma>0$, the functional $I_\epsilon$ restrict to ${\mathcal N}_{\epsilon}$ satisfies the $(PS)_c$ condition for all $c \in (m_\lambda(c_0)+\sigma,2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma)$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} Let $(u_n)$ be a $(PS)$-sequence for
$I_{\epsilon}$ constrained to $\mathcal{M}_{\epsilon}$. Then
$I_{\epsilon}(u_{n})\rightarrow c$ and
\begin{eqnarray}\label{contra}
I'_{\epsilon}(u_{n}) = \theta_{n} G_{\epsilon}'(u_{n}) + o_{n}(1),
\end{eqnarray}
for some $(\theta_{n}) \subset \mathbb{R}$, where
$G_{\epsilon}:H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \rightarrow \mathbb{R}^N$ is
given by
\begin{eqnarray*}
G_{\epsilon}(v) := \displaystyle\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s} |\widehat{ v}|^{2}d \xi +
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}V(\epsilon x)|v|^{2} \,dx
-\displaystyle\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(v)v \,dx.
\end{eqnarray*}
Notice that $G'_{\epsilon}(u_{n})u_{n}\leq 0$. By standard
arguments show that $(u_n)$ is bounded. Thus, up to a subsequence,
$G_{\epsilon}'(u_{n}) u_{n} \rightarrow l\leq 0$. If $l \neq 0$, we infer
from (\ref{contra}) that $\theta_{n}=o_{n}(1)$. In this case, we can
use (\ref{contra}) again to conclude that $(u_{n})$ is a $(PS)_{c}$
sequence for $I_{\epsilon}$ in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$, and so, $(u_{n})$ has a strongly convergent subsequence. If
$l=0$, it follows that
$$
\displaystyle\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(f'(u_n)u_n^{2}-f(u_n)u_n) \ dx\rightarrow 0.
$$
Using the definition of $f$, we know that
\begin{equation} \label{Desig}
f'(t)t^{2}-f(t)t>0, \quad \forall t \in \mathbb{R} \setminus \{0\}.
\end{equation}
If $u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ is the weak limit of $(u_n)$, the Fatous' Lemma combined with the last limit leads to
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(f'(u)u^{2}-f(u)u) \ dx=0.
$$
Then, by (\ref{Desig}), $u=0$. Applying Corollary \ref{sequencia}, there is $(y_n)
\subset \mathbb{R}^N$ with $|y_n| \to +\infty$ such that
$$
v_n=u_n(\cdot +y_n) \rightharpoonup v \not= 0 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
$$
By change variable,
$$
\displaystyle\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(f'(v_n)v_n^{2}-f(v_n)v_n)=\displaystyle\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(f'(u_n)u_n^{2}-f(u_n)u_n)
\ dx\rightarrow 0.
$$
Applying again Fatous's Lemma, we get
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(f'(v)v^{2}-f(v)v) \ dx=0,
$$
which is an absurd, because being $v \not=0$, the inequality (\ref{Desig}) leads to
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}(f'(v)v^{2}-f(v)v) \ dx>0,
$$
finishing the proof of the lemma.
\fim
\begin{cor} \label{ponto critico}
If $u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ is a critical point of $I_\epsilon$ restrict to ${\mathcal N}_{\epsilon}$,
then $u$ is a critical point of $I_\epsilon$ in $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$.
\end{cor}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} The proof follows arguing as in the proof of Lemma \ref{PS em Nehari}. \fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
The next lemma will be crucial in our study to show a lower estimate involving a special minimax level,
which will be defined later on.
\begin{lem} \label{compacidade} Let $\epsilon_n \to 0$ and $(u_n) \subset \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon_n}$ such
that $I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n) \to m_\lambda(c_0)$. Then, there is $(z_n) \subset \mathbb{R}^N$ with
$|z_n| \to +\infty$ and $u_1 \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \setminus \{0\}$ such that
$$
u_n(\cdot +z_n) \to u_1 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
$$
Moreover, $\displaystyle\liminf_{n \to +\infty}|\epsilon_n z_n|>0$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} Since $u_n \in \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon_n}$, we have that
$J_{\lambda,c_0}'(u_n)u_n<0$ for all $n \in \mathbb{N}$. Thus, there is $t_n \in (0, 1)$ such that
$t_n u_n \in \mathcal{M}_{c_0}.$ Therefore,
$$
(t_n u_n) \subset \mathcal{M}_{c_0} \quad \mbox{and} \quad J_{\lambda,c_0}(t_n u_n)\to m_\lambda(c_0).
$$
Now, by \cite[Lemma 5.1]{Shang}, there are $(z_n) \subset \mathbb{R}^N$, $u_1 \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)
\setminus \{0\}$, and a subsequence of $(u_n)$, still denoted by $(u_n)$, verifying
$$
u_n(\cdot+z_n) \to u_1 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N).
$$
\begin{claim} \label{zn}
$\displaystyle \liminf_{n \to +\infty}|\epsilon_n z_n|>0 $.
\end{claim}
Indeed, as $u_n \in \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon_n}$ for all $n \in \mathbb{N}$, the function $u_n^{1}=u_n(\cdot+z_n)$ must verify
\begin{equation} \label{Eq1}
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s}|\widehat{ u_{n}^{1}}|^{2} d \xi+ \int_{\mathbb{R}^N} V(\epsilon_n x+\epsilon_n z_n)|u_n^{1}|^{2}
\,dx=\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(u_n^{1})u_n^{1}\,dx.
\end{equation}
Supposing by contradiction, up to a subsequence,
$$
\lim_{n \to +\infty}\epsilon_n z_n=0.
$$
Taking the limit of $n \to +\infty$ in (\ref{Eq1}), we get
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|\xi|^{2s}|\widehat{ u_{1}}|^{2} d \xi+ \int_{\mathbb{R}^N} V(0) |u_1|^2 dx =
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}f(u_{1})u_{1}\,dx.
$$
Thereby,
$$
J_{\lambda, V(0)}(u_{1}) \geq m_\lambda(V(0)) > m_\lambda(c_0).
$$
On the other hand,
$$
I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n) \to J_{\lambda, V(0)}(u_{1}),
$$
which leads to
$$
m_\lambda(c_0)=J_{\lambda, V(0)}(u_{1}),
$$
obtaining a contradiction.
\fim
\section{A special minimax level}
In order to prove the Theorem \ref{T2}, we will consider a special minimax level. The construction involves the barycenter function used in \cite{Benci}, see also \cite{AlvesNovo,PFM}, given by
$$
\beta(u)= \frac{\displaystyle \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}\frac{x}{|x|}|u|^{2}\,dx}{\displaystyle \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|u|^{2}\,dx},
\quad \forall u \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N) \setminus \{0\}.
$$
\noindent For each $z \in \mathbb{R}$ and $\epsilon >0$, let us define the function
$$
\phi_{\epsilon, z}(x)=t_{\epsilon,z}u_0\left( x - \frac{z}{\epsilon} \right),
$$
where $t_{\epsilon,z}>0$ is such that $\phi_{\epsilon, z} \in {\mathcal N}_{\epsilon}$, and $u_0 \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$
is a radial positive ground state solution $u_0 \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$ for $J_{\lambda, c_0}$, that is,
$$
J_{\lambda, c_0}(u_0)=m_\lambda(c_0) \quad \mbox{and} \quad J'_{\lambda, c_0}(u_0)=0,
$$
\noindent whose the existence was guaranteed in Lemma \ref{RADIAL}.
\vspace{0.5 cm}
We establish several properties involving $\beta$ and $\phi_{\epsilon, z}.$
\begin{lem} \label{B1}
For each $r>0$, $\displaystyle \lim_{\epsilon \to 0}\left(\sup\left\{\left|\beta(\phi_{\epsilon,z})-\frac{z}{|z|}
\right|\,:\,|z| \geq r \right\}\right)=0$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} It is enough to show that for any $(z_n)$ with $|z_n| \geq r$ and $\epsilon_n \to 0$, we have that
$$
\left|\beta(\phi_{\epsilon_n,z_n})-\frac{z_n}{|z_n|} \right| \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad n \to +\infty.
$$
By change variable,
$$
\left|\beta(\phi_{\epsilon_n,z_n})-\frac{z_n}{|z_n|} \right|=\frac{\displaystyle \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}\left|\frac{\epsilon_n x
+z_n}{|\epsilon_n x +z_n|}-\frac{z_n}{|z_n|}\right||u_0(x)|^{2}\,dx}{\displaystyle \int_{\mathbb{R}^N}|u_0|^{2}\, dx}.
$$
Since for each $x \in \mathbb{R}$,
$$
\left|\frac{\epsilon_n x +z_n}{|\epsilon_n x +z_n|}-\frac{z_n}{|z_n|}\right| \to 0 \quad \mbox{as} \quad n \to +\infty,
$$
applying the Lebesgue dominated convergence Theorem, we get
$$
\int_{\mathbb{R}^N}\left| \frac{\epsilon_n x +z_n}{|\epsilon_n x +z_n|}-\frac{z_n}{|z_n|}\right||u_0(x)|^{2}\,dx \to 0.
$$
This proves the lemma. \fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
As an immediate consequence, we have
\begin{cor} \label{cor1}
Fixed $r>0$, there is $\epsilon_0>0$ such that
$$
(\beta(\phi_{\epsilon,z}),z)>0, \quad \forall |z| \geq r \quad \mbox{and} \quad \forall \epsilon \in (0,\epsilon_0).
$$
\end{cor}
\vspace{0.5 cm}
Define now the set
$$
{\mathcal B}_{\epsilon}=\{u \in {\mathcal N}_{\epsilon}\,:\, \beta(u) \in Y \}.
$$
Note that ${\mathcal B}_{\epsilon} \not=\emptyset$, because $\phi_{\epsilon,0}=0 \in Y,$ for all $\epsilon>0$.
Associated with the above set, define the real number $D{_\epsilon}$ given by
$$
D_{\epsilon}=\inf_{u \in \mathcal{B}_{\epsilon}}I_{\epsilon}(u).
$$
\vspace{0.5 cm}
Next lemma establishes an important relation between $D_{\epsilon}$ and $m_\lambda(c_0)$.
\begin{lem} \label{estimativas} \mbox{}\\
\noindent (a) \, There exist $\epsilon_0,\sigma>0$ such that
$$
D_{\epsilon} \geq m_\lambda(c_0)+\sigma, \quad \forall \epsilon \in (0,\sigma).
$$
\noindent (b) \, $ \displaystyle \limsup_{\epsilon \to 0}\left\{\sup_{x \in X}
I_\epsilon(\phi_{\epsilon,x}) \right\} < 2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma$. \\
\noindent (c) \, There exist $\epsilon_0,R>0$ such that
$$
I_\epsilon(\phi_{\epsilon,x}) \leq \frac{1}{2}(m_\lambda(c_0)+D_\epsilon), \quad \forall \epsilon \in
(0,\epsilon_0) \quad \mbox{and} \quad \forall x \in \partial B_R(0) \cap X.
$$
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} {\it Proof of (a),} From definition of $D_{\epsilon} $, we know that
$$
D_{\epsilon} \geq m_\lambda(c_0), \quad \forall \epsilon >0.
$$
Supposing by contradiction that the lemma does not hold, there exists $\epsilon_n \to 0$ such that
$$
D_{\epsilon_n} \to m_\lambda(c_0) \quad \mbox{as} \quad n \to +\infty.
$$
Hence, there exists $u_n \in {\mathcal N}_{\epsilon_n}$, with $\beta(u_n)\in Y$, satisfying
$$
I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n) \to m_\lambda(c_0) \quad \mbox{as} \quad n \to +\infty.
$$
Thereby, by Lemma \ref{compacidade}, there exist $u_1 \in H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}) \setminus \{0\}$ and $(z_n)
\subset \mathbb{R}^N$ with $\displaystyle \liminf_{n \to +\infty}|\epsilon_n z_n|>0$ verifying
$$
u_n(\cdot+z_n) \to u_1 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}),
$$
that is,
$$
u_n=u_1(\cdot-z_n)+w_n \quad \mbox{with} \quad w_n \to 0 \quad \mbox{in} \quad H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N}).
$$
From definition of $\beta$,
$$
\beta(u_1(\cdot-z_n))= \frac{\displaystyle \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}\frac{\epsilon_n x+ \epsilon_n z_n}{|\epsilon_n x+
\epsilon_n z_n|}|u_1|^{2}\,dx}{\displaystyle \int_{\mathbb{R}^{N}}|u_1|^{2}\,dx}.
$$
Repeating the same arguments explored in the proof of Lemma \ref{B1} (see also \cite{Benci}), we see that
$$
\beta(u_1(\cdot-z_n))=\frac{z_n}{|z_n|}+o_{n}(1),
$$
and so,
$$
\beta(u_n)=\beta(u_1(\cdot-z_n))+o_n(1)=\frac{z_n}{|z_n|}+o_{n}(1).
$$
Since $\beta(u_n) \in Y$, we infer that $\frac{z_n}{|z_n|} \in Y_\lambda$ for $n$ large enough. Consequently,
$z_n \in Y_\lambda$ for $n$ large enough, implying that
$$
\liminf_{n \to \infty}V(\epsilon_n z_n) > c_0.
$$
Making $A=\displaystyle \liminf_{n \to \infty}V(\epsilon_n z_n)$, the last inequality together with Fatous's Lemma yields
$$
m_\lambda(c_0)=\liminf_{n \to \infty}I_{\epsilon_n}(u_n) \geq J_{\lambda,A}(u_1) \geq m_\lambda(A)>m_\lambda(c_0),
$$
which is an absurd, recalling that $J'_A(u_1)u_1=0$ and $u_1 \not= 0$. \\
\noindent {\it Proof of (b).} \, Using condition $(V_4)$ , since $u_0$ is a ground state solution
associated with $I_{c_0}$, we deduce that there is $\epsilon_0>0$ such that
$$
\sup_{x \in X}I_{\epsilon}(\phi_{\epsilon,x})\leq I_{c_0}(u_0)+\frac{3}{5}I_{c_0}(u_0)=m_\lambda(c_0)+ \frac{3}{5}m_\lambda(c_0)<2m_\lambda(c_0), \quad \forall \epsilon \in (0, \epsilon_0).
$$
\noindent {\it Proof of (c).} \, From $(V_1)$, given $\delta >0$, there are $R,\epsilon_0>0$ such that
$$
\sup\{I_\epsilon(\phi_{\epsilon,x})\,:\, x \in \partial B_{R}(0) \cap X \}\leq m_\lambda(c_0)+\delta \quad \forall \epsilon
\in (0, \epsilon_0).
$$
Fixing $\delta = \frac{\sigma}{4}$, where $\sigma$ was given in (a), we have that
$$
\sup\{I_\epsilon(\phi_{\epsilon,x})\,:\, x \in \partial B_{R}(0) \cap X \}\leq \frac{1}{2}
\left(2m_\lambda(c_0)+\frac{\sigma}{2}\right)< \frac{1}{2}(m_\lambda(c_0)+D_\epsilon) \quad \forall \epsilon \in (0, \epsilon_0).
$$
\fim
\vspace{0.5 cm}
Now, we are ready to show the minimax level. Define the map $\Phi_{\epsilon}:X \to H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^N)$ as $\Phi_{\epsilon}=
\phi_{\epsilon,x}$. Denoting by $P$ the cone of nonnegative functions of $H^{s}(\mathbb{R}^{N})$, let us consider the set
$$
\Sigma=\{\Phi_\epsilon\,:\, x \in X, \, |x|\leq R \} \subset P,
$$
the class of functions
$$
\mathcal{H}=\left\{h \in C(P \cap \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon},P \cap \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon})\,:\,h(u)=u, \,\, \mbox{if} \,\, I_\epsilon(u) < \frac{1}{2}(m_\lambda(c_0)+D_\epsilon) \right\}
$$
and finally the class of sets
$$
\Gamma=\{A \subset P \cap \mathcal{N}_\epsilon\,:\, A=h(\Sigma), \, h \in \mathcal{H} \}.
$$
\begin{lem} \label{intersecao}
If $A \in \Gamma$, then $A \cap \mathcal{B}_\epsilon \not= \emptyset$ for all $\epsilon>0$.
\end{lem}
\noindent {\bf Proof.} It is enough to show that for all $h \in \mathcal{H}$, there is $x_* \in X$ with $|x_*| \leq R$ such that
$$
\beta(h(\Phi_\epsilon(x_*))) \in Y.
$$
For each $h \in \mathcal{H}$, we set the function $g:\mathbb{R}^{N} \to \mathbb{R}^{N}$ given by
$$
g(x)=\beta(h(\Phi_\epsilon(x))) \quad \forall x \in \mathbb{R}^{N},
$$
and the homotopy $\mathcal{F}:[0,1] \times X \to X$ as
$$
\mathcal{F}(t,x)=tP_X(g(x))+(1-t)x,
$$
where $P_X$ is the projection onto $X=\{(x,0)\,:\, x \in \mathbb{R}^N\}$. By using Corollary \ref{cor1}, fixed $R>0$ and $\epsilon>0$ small enough, we have that
$$
(\beta(\mathcal{F}(t,x)),x)>0, \quad \forall (t,x) \in [0,1] \times ( \partial B_R \cap X).
$$
Using the homotopy invariance property of the Topological degree, we derive
$$
d(g,B_R \cap X,0)=1,
$$
implying that there exists $x_* \in B_R \cap X$ such that $ \beta(h(\Phi_\epsilon(x_*)))=0$.
\fim
Now, define the min-max value
$$
C_\epsilon=\inf_{A \in \Gamma}\sup_{u \in A}I_{\epsilon}(u).
$$
From Lemma \ref{intersecao},
\begin{equation} \label{NM1}
C_\epsilon \geq D_\epsilon \geq m_\lambda(c_0)+\sigma,
\end{equation}
for $\epsilon$ is small enough. On the other hand,
$$
C_\epsilon \leq \sup_{x \in X}I_\epsilon(\phi_{\epsilon,x}), \quad \forall \epsilon >0.
$$
Then, by Lemma \ref{estimativas}(b), if $\epsilon$ is small enough
\begin{equation} \label{NM2}
C_\epsilon \leq \sup_{x \in X}I_\epsilon(\phi_{\epsilon,x})< 2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma.
\end{equation}
From (\ref{NM1}) and (\ref{NM2}), there is $\epsilon_0>0$ such that
\begin{equation} \label{NM3}
C_\epsilon \in (m_\lambda(c_0)+\sigma,2m_\lambda(c_0)-\sigma), \quad \forall \epsilon \in (0, \epsilon_0).
\end{equation}
Now, we can use standard min-max arguments to conclude that $I_\epsilon$ has at least a critical point in $P \cap \mathcal{N}_{\epsilon}$ if $\epsilon$ is small enough.
\section{Final Comments}
The same approach used in the present paper can be used to prove the existence of solution for problems with subcritical growth like
$$
\epsilon^{2s} (-\Delta)^{s}{u}+V(z)u= f(u)\,\,\, \mbox{in} \,\,\, \mathbb{R}^{N}.
$$
To do this, it is enough to assume that $f$ verifies the following conditions:
\begin{enumerate}
\item[$(f_1)$] $\displaystyle \lim_{s\rightarrow
0}\dfrac{f(s)}{s}=0$.
\item[$(f_2)$] There is $\theta>2$ such that
$$
0<\theta F(s):=\theta\int_0^{s}f(t)dt\leq sf(s),\ \ \mbox{for all}\ \ s \in \mathbb{R} \setminus \{0\}.
$$
\item[$(f_3)$] The function $s\rightarrow\dfrac{f(s)}{s}$ is
strictly increasing in $|s|>0$.
\end{enumerate}
Related to function $V$ we assume $(V_1)-(V_4)$, however $(V_4)$ must be written of the following way
$$
m(V(0)) \geq 2m(c_0) \quad \mbox{and} \quad c_1 \leq \left[1 + \frac{3}{5}\left(\frac{1}{2}-\frac{1}{\theta}\right)\right]c_0. \leqno{(V_4)}
$$
\begin{acknowledgments}
This paper was completed while the second author named was visiting the Department of Mathematics of the Rutgers University,
whose hospitality he gratefully acknowledges. He would like to express his gratitude to Professor Haim Brezis and Professor Yan Yan Li for invitation and friendship.
\end{acknowledgments}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 5,259 |
Q: A Bug in Jodatime calculating Period between 2 date range (which is ALMOST a year) I just started to use Joda Time and for a week now I was satisfied with the results. I am trying to get the time range period between two dates of the format 'yyyy-MM-dd HH'.
Until I came to a test case I am writing and it seems to me the result is wrong:
2014-02-05 05 - 2016-02-04 05
Joda Results:
Years: 1 Months: 11 Days: 2 Hours: 0
Expected Results:
Years: 1 Months: 11 Days: 30 Hours: 0
I only need 1 more day to get it to a FULL 2 years....
I am not a QA but certainly this is a bug to me... I also talked to our QA about this and she agreed.
I want to raise a bug in Github but it pointed me to use Stackoverflow first.. any clarification will be greatly appreciated.
String hourFormat = "yyyy-MM-dd HH";
String startTime = "2014-02-05 05";
String endTime = "2016-02-04 05";
DateTimeFormatter hourFormatter = DateTimeFormat.forPattern(hourFormat);
DateTime start = hourFormatter.parseDateTime(startTime);
DateTime end = hourFormatter.parseDateTime(endTime );
Interval interval = new Interval(start, end);
Period period = interval.toPeriod();
System.out.println(String.format(
"Years: %d Months: %d Days: %d Hours: %d",
period.getYears(), period.getMonths(), period.getDays(), period.getHours()
));
A: Change the following lines of code
Interval interval = new Interval(start, end);
Period period = interval.toPeriod();
To
Period period = new Period(start, end, PeriodType.yearMonthDay());
A: This does seem like a bug to me. Definitely, as Interval actually stores the begin and end dates internally, it should be able to make a proper conversion to a Period (interval.toPeriod()).
I bet when you simply calculate the Period directly from the two dates (without the intermediate step to an Interval), it will work just fine. Example:
Period period = new Period(start,end);
Or if the calculation is not correct with differences in week, you might need to use (as per Incorrect jodatime period - years months days):
Period period = new Period(start,end,PeriodType.yearMonthDay());
In the case of Java 8 java.time.* libraries (JSR-310), Interval was actually omitted, and only Period and Duration are allowed. So in Java 8, you could do something like this:
String hourFormat = "yyyy-MM-dd HH";
DateTimeFormatter hourFormatter = DateTimeFormatter.ofPattern(hourFormat);
LocalDateTime start = LocalDateTime.parse("2014-02-05 05",hourFormatter);
LocalDateTime end = LocalDateTime.parse("2016-02-04 05",hourFormatter);
// Duration duration = Duration.between(start, end);
Period period = Period.between(start.toLocalDate(), end.toLocalDate());
System.out.println(
String.format("Years: %d Months: %d Days: %d Hours: xxx",
period.getYears(), period.getMonths(), period.getDays())
);
Other obvious limitation is that Period in JSR-310 only has a resolution up-to days (not hours).
See also this for further reference: Is there a class in java.time comparable to the Joda-Time Interval?
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 8,730 |
Дванаеста сезона америчко полицијо-процедуралне драме МЗИС: Лос Анђелес је емитована од 8. новембра 2020. до 23. маја 2021. године на каналу ЦБС. Сезона се састоји од 18 епизода. Ово је последња сезона у којој се Берет Фоа и Рене Фелис Смит појављују као чланови главне поставе серије.
Опис
Кејлеб Кастил је унапређен у главну поставу на почетку сезоне. Берет Фоа и Рене Фелис Смит су напустили серију на крају сезоне. Линда Хант је напустила главну поставу на крају сезоне. Берет Фоа се јако мало појављивао у овој сезони.
Улоге
Главне
Крис О'Донел као Гриша Кален
Данијела Руа као Кензи Блај
Ерик Кристијан Олсен као Мартин А. Дикс
Берет Фоа као Ерик Бил
Рене Фелис Смит као Нел Џоунс
Медалион Рахими као Фатима Намази
Кејлеб Кастил као Девин Раунтри
Линда Хант као Хенријета Ленг
Ел Ел Кул Џеј као Сем Хана
Епизодне
Џералд Мекрејни као Холас Килбрајд (Епизоде 9, 11, 14, 16-18)
Епизоде
Производња
Развој и снимање
ЦБС је 6. маја 2020. обновио серију за дванаесту сезону која је премијерно приказана 8. новембра 2020. Продукција дванаесте сезоне почела је 23. септембра 2020. са пуним безбедносним протоколима који су на снази усред пандемије вируса Корона.
Избор глумаца
Калеб Кастил је унаређен у главну поставу пошто се поновио у једанаестој сезони.
Извори
Спољашње везе
Морнарички истражитељи: Лос Анђелес (ТВ серија)
Сезоне телевизијских серија 2020.
Сезоне телевизијских серија 2021. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 4,898 |
\section{Introduction}
Modern x-ray crystallography methods make it possible to determine the structure of crystals at atomic resolution \cite{crystallography1, crystallography2}.
In the age of molecular biology, one of the most important questions in life science is the determination of protein structures.
Unfortunately, many protein macromolecules, especially membrane proteins, either do not crystallize or form only extremely small crystals \cite{Carpenter2008}.
Imaging such nanocrystals, or even individual macromolecules, is impossible with conventional x-ray sources, since the sample is destroyed before a high resolution diffraction pattern can be obtained \cite{Damage}.
These difficulties can be circumvented with the use of x-ray free-electron lasers (XFELs) \cite{LCLS,SCSS,XFEL}.
The ultrashort, intense, and coherent XFEL pulses can be used to obtain the diffraction pattern of a small, sub-micron sample before it is destroyed by a Coulomb explosion \cite{Neutze00}.
Conventional radiation dose limits \cite{Damage} are surpassed by orders of magnitude, since the dominant damage mechanism, the breaking of chemical bonds, can be outrun by short XFEL pulses.
In addition, for reproducible samples, many single shot patterns with random sample orientations can be taken and oriented to produce a full three-dimensional (3D) diffraction pattern \cite{orientation1,orientation2,orientation3,Yefanov}.
Using phase retrieval algorithms \cite{PhaseRetrieval1,PhaseRetrieval2}, a 3D image of the samples electron density can be reconstructed.
This approach is conventionally called nowadays single particle imaging (SPI) \cite{GaffneyChapman}.
In spite of significant progress in imaging biological samples at XFELs \cite{Seibert2011, Kimura2014, Barke2015, VanderSchot2015}, experiments have highlighted severe challenges for such single-particle imaging experiments.
Particles tend to show high conformational heterogeneity \cite{Maia2009,Hantke2014}, and the coherent scattering signal to background ratio is low.
To improve the signal level it has been suggested to use even more powerful pulses \cite{Hantke2014}.
However, the intensity of the x-ray pulse cannot be increased without limit.
At a certain threshold, extremely intense x-ray pulses strip all electrons from the atoms, leaving a sample that does not scatter any more.
In addition, statistical fluctuations in the random ionization of the atoms due to the quantum mechanical nature of these processes produce a background signal that dominates the diffraction pattern for strong ionization.
In our previous publication \cite{Ulf}, we have shown that x-ray induced electronic damage limits the pulse fluence that can be reasonably employed in an experiment.
It was also realized \cite{Hau-Riege04,Ulf} that a major ionization mechanism in SPI experiments is a secondary ionization by trapped Auger electrons.
At the same time, Auger decay has a lifetime of several femtoseconds, which points to the possibility to outrun the impact ionization by trapped electrons with extremely short, possibly attosecond XFEL pulses.
It was recently suggested that such pulses can be produced in principle \cite{Saldin2006, ShortTanaka}.
The aim of this paper is twofold.
On one hand, we study to what extend the use of ultrashort XFEL pulses reduces the electronic damage of a typical biological sample.
In particular we are interested in pulse durations from 0.1 fs to 10 fs, since this is the range where the suppression of the Auger decay is expected.
On the other hand, we analyse an extension of the model used in \cite{Ulf} by including additional ionization processes such as shake-off and Compton scattering.
We also calculate the contribution of Compton scattering to elastically scattered radiation measured on the detector (see also recent work \cite{SantraCompton} where Compton scattering from a carbon cluster was analyzed).
\section{Theory}
\subsection{Elastic scattering}
\label{sec::theory::scattering}
In the following we recall the description of a single particle coherent diffraction experiment in the frame of kinematical approximation (see for details Ref. \cite{Ulf} and Appendix \ref{appendix::scattering}).
In a typical experiment a large number of single-shot diffraction patterns at different orientation of the particles will be measured. In the following we will assume that all these diffraction patterns can be perfectly aligned and averaged. If the incident beam is fully coherent over the sample area and has a uniform intensity distribution, we obtain the following expression for the averaged scattered intensity \cite{Ulf}
\begin{equation}
<I({\bf q})> = \sum^N_{i,k=1} e^{-i{ \bf q} \cdot ({\bf R}_k - {\bf R}_i)} \int dt J(t) <f_i^{*}({\bf q}, t) f_k({\bf q}, t)> \ .
\label{SII.1}
\end{equation}
Here, $\bf q$ is the scattering vector, $J(t)$ is the intensity of the incoming pulse, and $f_i({\bf q}, t)$, ${\bf R}_i$ are the time-dependent form factor and position vector of the \textit{i}-th atom, respectively. The brackets $\langle \ldots \rangle$ denote averaging over many pulses, and the summation is performed over all atoms in the sample.
As it was shown in our previous work \cite{Ulf} due to stochastic nature of the electronic damage process the expression (\ref{SII.1}) can be written as a sum of two terms
\begin{gather}
\label{theory::averaging2}
\erw{I(\mathbf{q})} = I_{\text{W}}(\mathbf{q}) + I_{\text{B}}(q) \ ,
\end{gather}
where
\begin{equation}
I_{\text{W}}(\mathbf{q}) = I_0 \sum_{i,j} W_{ij}(q) \exp [i\bf{q}(\bf{R}_j-\bf{R}_i)]
\label{SII.3}
\end{equation}
is the coherent signal containing the structural information and
\begin{equation}
I_{\text{B}}(q) = I_0 \sum_i B_i(q)
\label{SII.4}
\end{equation}
is an incoherent background without structural information. Here $I_0 = \int J(t) \mathrm{d}t$ is the total fluence of the x-ray pulse.
The matrix $W_{ij}(q)$ and vector $B_i(q)$ are defined by the time-dependent average values $\erw{f_i(q, t)}$ and pulse to pulse fluctuations $\delta f_i(q, t)$ of the form factor $f_i(q, t) = \erw{f_i(q,t)} + \delta f_i(q,t)$ of each individual atom through the following relations
\begin{eqnarray}
W_{ij}(q) & =& \frac{1}{I_0} \int J(t) \erw{f_i^{\ast}(q, t)} \erw{f_j(q,t)} \mathrm{d}t \ , \\
B_i(q) & = & \frac{1}{I_0} \int J(t) \Big\langle |\delta f_i(q,t)|^2 \Big\rangle \mathrm{d}t \ ,
\label{eq::background_element}
\end{eqnarray}
where spherically symmetric form factors were considered.
The structural term $I_{\text{W}}(\mathbf{q})$ (\ref{SII.3}) determines the degradation of the diffraction pattern due to evolution of the form factors while the photoionization process and the background term $I_{\text{B}}(q)$ (\ref{SII.4}) adds an additional background that is due to fluctuations of the individual form factors during the same process.
An additional background contribution comes from inelastic (Compton) scattering.
The Compton signal at the detector is given by
\begin{gather}
\label{theory::compton_intensity}
I_\text{Compton}(q) = \sum_i \int J(t) \erw{S_i(q,t)} dt,
\end{gather}
where $\erw{S_i(q, t)}$ is an averaged incoherent scattering function of the atom $i$ (see for details Appendix \ref{appendix::rates}) and brackets have the same meaning as before.
Equations \eqref{theory::averaging2} - \eqref{theory::compton_intensity} were used in our simulations of diffraction patterns from a biological sample.
\subsection{Rate equation implementation}
\label{sec::theory::rates}
To determine the time-dependent average form factors $\erw{f_i(q,t)}$, their fluctuations $|\delta f_i(q,t)|^2$, and the average incoherent scattering function $\erw{S_i(q,t)}$ for each constituent atom type $i$, a rate equation approach \cite{Sang-Kil} was implemented.
First, we define a set of states that the atom can potentially occupy.
As such states, we consider the electronic ground states for all possible occupations of the electronic shells.
For example, the carbon atom can have between zero and two electrons in each of the $1s$, $2s$, and $2p$ shells, yielding a total of 27 states.
The time-dependent occupation probabilities $p_{\xi; i}(t)$ for the $\xi$-th state
of the atom were obtained by solving a set of coupled differential equations
\begin{gather}
\label{appendixB::rate_equation}
\dot p_{\xi; i}(t) = \sum_{\eta\neq \xi} R_{\xi\eta; i}(t) p_{\eta; i}(t)
- R_{\eta\xi; i}(t) p_{\xi; i}(t)
\ .
\end{gather}
Here, $R_{\xi\eta; i}(t)$ denotes the total time-dependent rate of transition from state $\eta$ to state $\xi$ for atom type $i$.
We assume that initially all atoms are in the ground state.
The solution of the differential equations (\ref{appendixB::rate_equation}) yields the time-dependent occupation probabilities $p_{\xi; i}(t)$ for each state $\xi$ of the specific atom.
The form factors $f_{\xi; i}(q)$ for each state $\xi$ were obtained from electronic wave functions calculated within the Hartree-Fock-Slater (HFS)
approximation \cite{HermanSkillman}.
Within this model, the average form factors $\erw{f_i(q,t)}$ and their fluctuations $\erw{|\delta f_i(q,t)|}$ are given by
\begin{align}
\label{appendixA::formfactor1}
\erw{f_i(q,t)} &= \sum_{\xi} p_{\xi;i}(t) f_{\xi;i}(q) \,,\\
\label{appendixA::formfactor2}
\erw{|\delta f_i(q,t)|^2} &= \erw{|f_i(q,t)|^2} - |\erw{f_i(q,t)}|^2 =
\sum_{\xi} p_{\xi;i}(t) |f_{\xi;i}(q)|^2 - |\erw{f_i(q,t)}|^2
\ .
\end{align}
Note that in Eqs.~\eqref{appendixA::formfactor1}-\eqref{appendixA::formfactor2}
we used explicit state-dependent form factors without the additional
assumption that they scale with the number of bound electrons as in Ref. \cite{Hau-Riege07}.
In the frame of our approach, the valence shells contract significantly on ionization of the core electrons, and, as a consequence, the corresponding form factors expand in reciprocal space (see Ref. \cite{Ulf}).
The average time-dependent inelastic scattering function $\erw{S_i(q, t)}$ can be calculated in a similar way \cite{Hubbell01}
\begin{gather}
\label{appendixB::incoherent_formfactor}
\erw{S_i(q,t)} = \sum_\xi p_{\xi;i}(t) S_{\xi;i}(q,t)
\,
\end{gather}
where $S_{\xi;i}(q,t)$ is the inelastic scattering function for the state $\xi$
\begin{gather}
S_{\xi; i}(q) = Z_{\xi;i} - \sum_{r=1}^{Z_{\xi;i}}|f^{r}_{i}(q)|^2
\ .
\end{gather}
Here $Z_{\xi;i}$ is the total number of electrons in the atom in state $\xi$, and $f^{r}_{i}(q)$ is the form factor of the $r$-th electron in the atom.
Here we neglect effects that may forbid excitation of an electron from one orbit to another due to Pauli exclusion principle.
The time-dependent total transition matrix $\hat{\mathbf{R}}(t)$ contains contributions from several electronic processes
\begin{gather}\label{eq:matrix}
\hat{\mathbf{R}}(t) = \hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{photo}}(t) + \hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{Auger}}
+ \hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{shake}}(t) + \hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{Compton}}(t)
+ \hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{escape}}(t) + \hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{trap}}(t)
\ ,
\end{gather}
where $\hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{photo}}(t)$ is the rate of direct photoionization, $\hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{Auger}}$ is the Auger decay rate, $\hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{escape}}(t)$ and $\hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{trap}}(t)$ are the rates of secondary ionization produced by escaping and trapped electrons, respectively.
These four terms have been considered in our previous work \cite{Ulf}.
Here we also take two additional ionization channels into account, namely shake-off processes with the rate
$\hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{shake}}(t)$ and ionization due to Compton scattering with the rate $\hat{\mathbf{R}}^{\text{Compton}}(t)$, which can be important
at high x-ray energies.
Notice that the first four terms are purely atomic, while the latter two are collective effects.
See appendix~\ref{appendix::rates} for details on the evaluation of the rates.
In the model of electronic transitions used in this paper we assume that the electron plasma thermalizes instantaneously, i.e., the thermalization process is much shorter than the pulse duration.
This is considered as a good approximation for comparatively long pulses \cite{Hau-Riege04}.
For x-ray pulses as short as $100$ as it is necessary to investigate this question in more details.
It is well established that non-homogeneous trapped electron gas is formed on very early stages of x-ray pulse particle interaction \cite{Hau-Riege04, Hau-Riege12}.
To estimate these relaxation times the following arguments are typically used.
Electrons emitted from a center of the spherically symmetric particle of radius $R$ are trapped if their kinetic energy is lower than $E_{trap}^{0}=e^2 R^2 n/3\epsilon_0$, where $e$ is the electron charge, $n$ is the charge number density and $\epsilon_0$ is the permittivity of vacuum.
For Auger energies about $E^{Auger} \sim 250$ eV for the particle with the radius of $R=15$ nm we obtain the charge number density
$n \sim 2 \cdot 10^{-4}$ ${\AA}^{-3}$ at which Auger electrons are trapped by the ionized particle.
Such small charge density corresponds roughly to $3 \cdot 10^{-3}$ electrons being ionized per atom.
Assuming that the dominant ionization process is the direct photoionization for the flat-top x-ray pulse we get an estimate for the charge number density
$n(t) \sim \sigma^{photo} n_{at} F (t-t_0)/T$, where $n_{at}$ is atomic density, $F$ is the pulse fluence, and $t_0$, $T$ are times of the pulse start and duration, respectively.
From this relation we obtain that the trapping time scales inversely with the photoelectron cross section and fluence and is proportional to pulse duration.
Our estimates show that for all pulses below $1$ fs and fluences considered in this paper the formation times of non-stationary trapped electron plasma are below $10$ as.
At the same time, thermalization process of this non-homogeneous, trapped electron gas takes place on much longer time scales.
Calculations of characteristic thermalization times performed according to \cite{Spitzer} give an estimate of about few femtoseconds.
By extending our model to shorter pulse durations we slightly overestimate the ionization rate of trapped electrons.
However, this contribution at pulse durations below $1$ fs is already significantly lower than the contribution from other ionization processes.
This is due to the fact that for very short pulses Auger electrons do not contribute to ionization process, while secondary ionization by escaping and shake-off electrons are producing only low energy secondary electrons that can not effectively ionize.
By these arguments we can extend our model to times as short as $100$ as, keeping in mind that we still slightly overestimate the contribution from secondary ionization.
In our model, we assume that the lowest non-vanishing order perturbation theory (LOPT) is valid for high energy x-rays in the range of powers up to $10^{26}$ W/cm\textsuperscript{2} and for pulse durations down to $100$ as.
This assumption is based on the fact that ionization for high photon energies is well described in the frame of LOPT, if the pulse duration is significantly larger than the field period (see e. g. Ref. \cite{Lambropoulos}).
\section{Results and discussion}
\label{sec::results}
To analyze the effect of electronic radiation damage, we simulated SPI experiment as sketched in Fig.~\ref{fig::experiment}.
For the sample, we used a human adenovirus penton base chimera shell \cite{sample}.
It has a dodecahedral shape with a diameter of 27 nm and contains about 200 000 nonhydrogen atoms, giving a mass density of about 0.5 g/cm$^3$.
To account for typical virus densities we have increased this mass density value by three in ionization calculations.
The ratio between carbon, oxygen and nitrogen atoms in this sample is approximately 3:1:1.
In our simulations, we neglected the contribution from hydrogen and sulfur atoms to the ionization dynamics and the scattering.
We performed simulations for photon energies of 3.1 keV and 12.4 keV with the experimental parameters listed in Table~\ref{tab::parameters}.
The lower energy is experimentally attractive due to higher elastic scattering power, though at the cost of a lower resolution (about 10 \AA{}), while the higher energy would be required for reaching a few \AA{}ngstr\"om resolution.
It is important to note that for our model and sample, the photon energy does not affect the qualitative ionization dynamics.
Increasing the photon energy has two major effects: the cross section of the photoionization is rapidly decreasing, and escaping photoelectrons have a higher kinetic energy, thus ionizing fewer atoms on their way out.
The latter ionization process is not dominant for our sample, and the former process merely leads to an effective rescaling of the fluence.
For light atoms (C, N, O) considered in this work the photoionization cross section at 3.1 keV is two orders of magnitude larger than at 12.4 keV.
Consequently, the ionization dynamics at the photon energy of 3.1 keV and fluence $F$ are similar to dynamics observed at 12.4 keV and a fluence $10^{2} \cdot F$.
All diffraction patterns were simulated in kinematic approximation using mode decomposition described in Ref. \cite{Ulf}.
\subsection{Ionization dynamics}
To describe the contribution of a specific ionization process $\alpha$, we first introduce several quantitative measures.
We define the probability $R^\alpha_i(t) dt$ that an atom of the type $i$, undergoes a state change due to a process $\alpha$ during a time interval $[t, t+dt]$ as
\begin{equation}
R_i^\alpha(t) = \sum_\xi \sum_{\eta \neq \xi} R^\alpha_{\xi \eta; i}(t) p_{\eta; i}(t)
\end{equation}
Since all state changes in our model lead to the removal of a single electron, $R_i^\alpha(t)$ is also the rate of ionization.
To get a global measure of the ionization process, we can integrate these ionization rates over time to get the number of ionized electrons due to process $\alpha$, $\delta_i^\alpha(t) = \int_{-\infty}^t R_i^\alpha(\tau) d\tau$.
Normalizing this quantity to the number of electrons of the neutral atom, $Z_i$, and integrating with the normalized pulse shape $J(t)$, gives the average degree of ionization,
\begin{gather}
\label{theory::indiv_doi}
\Delta_i^\alpha = \frac{1}{I_0}\int_{-\infty}^\infty J(t) \frac{\delta_i^\alpha(t)}{Z_i} dt \ .
\end{gather}
The average degree of ionization is a quantity between 0 and 1 that determines how many electrons are lost due to process $\alpha$.
The weighting with the pulse shape guarantees that ionization is counted only during the time of the pulse propagation through the sample.
For example, if Auger ionization starts after the pulse has propagated through the sample, it will yield insignificant contribution to $\Delta_i^\alpha$, though the degree of ionization can be substantial.
For our analysis we also introduced quantities averaged over all atoms
\begin{align}
\label{eq::ionization_rate}
\overline{R}^\alpha(t) &= \sum_i^\text{C,N,O} w_i R^\alpha_i(t), \\
\label{eq::ionization_degree}
\overline{\Delta}^\alpha &= \sum_i^\text{C,N,O} w_i \Delta_i^\alpha, \\
\label{eq::scattering_power}
\overline{n}_b &= 1 - \sum_\alpha \overline{\Delta}^\alpha
\end{align}
with the weights $w_\text{C}, w_\text{N}, w_\text{O}$ of 3/5, 1/5 and 1/5, corresponding to contribution of C, N, and O, respectively.
The quantity $\overline{n}_b$ can be interpreted as the normalized average number of electrons bound to an atom during the pulse propagation, with $\overline{n}_b=1$ denoting an undamaged atom.
The time-dependent rates $\overline{R}^\alpha(t)$ for different ionization processes and average degrees of ionization $\overline{\Delta}^\alpha$ are presented in Fig.~\ref{fig::rates} and Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization}, respectively.
In both cases, results are shown for the two photon energies of 3.1 keV and 12.4 keV and the same fluence of 10$^{14}$ photons/$\mu$m$^2$.
Since the photoionization cross section drops by two orders of magnitude at the higher photon energy, this fluence corresponds to two different ionization regimes.
At 3.1 keV, most of electrons are removed from their atoms, so we call this the \emph{strong ionization regime}.
In contrast, at 12.4 keV about half of the electrons remain bound even at the end of the longest pulse, therefore we call this the \emph{weak ionization regime}.
From the data presented in Fig.~\ref{fig::rates} and Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization} we can conclude that:
\begin{enumerate}
\item Only photoionization and impact ionization by trapped and escaping electrons contibute substantially to the direct ionization of the atoms.
\item The net effect of photoionization is independent of the pulse duration (Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization}).
Since the rate is a time derivative of the number of ionized electrons, the photoionization rate is inversely proportional to the pulse duration (Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}).
\item As expected, for short pulses of 0.1 fs Auger process is reduced by two orders of magnitude in comparison to 10 fs pulses (see Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization}).
\item Impact ionization from trapped electrons is the dominant ionization process at rather long pulse durations of 10 fs.
If the pulse duration is reduced, this process is suppressed for the strong ionization regime (Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}(a,b)), and delayed to the end of the pulse for the weak ionization regime (Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}(d)).
In both cases, the average degree of ionization from trapped electron ionization decreases with decreasing pulse duration (Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization}).
While this decrease is particularly significant for sub-fs pulses, we point out that the total degree of ionization (see black curve in Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization}) already goes down by half if we reduce the pulse duration from 10 fs to 1 fs.
\item With decreasing pulse duration, impact ionization by escaping photoelectrons becomes a relevant process (Fig.~\ref{fig::average_ionization}, \ref{fig::rates}).
This process becomes especially important for sub-fs pulses, and it substitutes the ionization from trapped electrons in the strong ionization regime (Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}(a,b)).
\end{enumerate}
These findings can be explained from basic considerations.
Photoionization in the x-ray energy range is for all practical purposes an instantaneous process that only depends on the pulse fluence.
Hence, any reduction of the pulse length with a constant fluence leads to a corresponding increase in the photoionization rate without changing the ionization dynamics.
Note that the cross section for photoionization of valence electrons is an order of magnitude smaller than that of core electrons.
This effect causes the apparent shift between the photoionization rate and the pulse shape in Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}(a-c), where all core electrons are ionized at the onset of the pulse.
While this difference in cross sections can in principle be used to create hollow atoms \cite{Sang-Kil}, this does not play a role at these particular fluences.
The impact ionization by trapped electrons is hindered by three factors:
First, the cross section decreases by about a factor of three for each additional charge of the atom, hence, impact ionization becomes a slow process for highly charged atoms.
Second, as the atoms are ionized, the binding energy of the valence electrons increases rapidly.
Finally, the energy of the trapped electrons is replenished only by the Auger process.
These have a typical lifetime of several fs that increases further if there are fewer valence electrons to fill the core holes.
A decrease of the pulse duration therefore allows to outrun the Auger decay, which makes the impact ionization by trapped electrons as negligible.
We note also that the double-peak form of the trapped electron ionization rate in Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}(c,f) arises from an interplay of these factors.
The ionization rate drops initially because the trapped electrons cannot supply sufficient energy to ionize further atoms.
At that point, Auger decay sets in, leading to a second maximum, after which the sample becomes so strongly ionized that the impact ionization becomes inefficient.
For our sample consisting of light atoms, and for the considered photon energies, ionization from escaping photoelectrons is not as efficient, because the impact ionization cross sections drop rapidly with increasing electron kinetic energy.
At most about every second photoelectron ionizes an atom on its way out of the sample.
For long pulses of 10 fs (Fig.~\ref{fig::rates}(c,f)), the atoms have already been strongly ionized by the trapped electrons when the maximum of photoelectrons are produced.
However, for sub-fs pulses, the first photoelectrons encounter a sample of neutral atoms, making subsequent impact ionization more likely.
Hence, this process plays a role only for the shortest pulse durations 0.1 fs.
In the strong ionization regime it also appears only at the onset of the pulse (Fig.\ref{fig::rates}(a)).
As a rough measure of the resulting scattering power of the sample, we can consider the square of the average number of bound electrons, $\overline{n}_b^2$, Eq.~\eqref{eq::scattering_power}.
The results for both photon energies and different pulse durations and fluences are shown in Fig.~\ref{fig::bound_electrons}.
The horizontal dotted line shows a cutoff where the sample retains approximately 10\% of its scattering power.
For 3.1 keV (Fig.~\ref{fig::bound_electrons}(a)) this cutoff is crossed at fluences from $10^{13}$ to $10^{14}$ photons/$\mu$m$^2$ for pulse durations from 10 fs to 0.1 fs, respectively.
The same behavior is observed for 12.4 keV photon energy (Fig.~\ref{fig::bound_electrons}(b)) where the cutoff is reached for fluences in the range from $10^{15}$ to $10^{16}$ photons/$\mu$m$^2$.
Altogether, we find that reducing the pulse duration from 10 fs to 1 fs significantly reduces the electronic radiation damage.
A further reduction to 0.1 fs yields another, but noticeably smaller reduction.
\subsection{Elastic and inelastic scattering}
As discussed in Section \ref{sec::theory::scattering}, the final signal at the detector has three contributions: the elastically scattered coherent signal $I_\text{W}(\mathbf{q})$, incoherent background $I_\text{B}(q)$, and Compton background $I_\text{Compton}(q)$.
Only the coherent signal $I_\text{W}(\mathbf{q})$ carries information about the particle internal structure.
It is therefore important to understand how electronic damage influences the coherent signal and background contributions.
The coherent signal as a function of the momentum transfer for different fluences and pulse durations is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig::angular_intensity}.
The intensity was calculated according to Eq.~\eqref{SII.3} and angularly averaged over all detector pixels of constant $|\mathbf{q}|$, giving the angular averaged intensity, $\langle I_\text{W}(\mathbf{q}) \rangle_\phi = (2\pi)^{-1} \int_0^{2\pi} I_\text{W}(q, \phi) d\phi$ per Shannon angle.
If we disregard the background contribution , we can define the maximum achievable resolution by requiring a minimum of $10^{-2}$ photons per Shannon angle for successful orientation \cite{orientation1, orientation2}.
In practice, this number may be higher due to artifacts and noise.
At 3.1 keV photon energy and a fluence of $10^{13}$ photons/$\mu$m$^2$, a pulse duration of 10 fs allows to achieve 8 \AA{} resolution, while 1 fs and 0.1 fs pulses allow to reach 4 \AA{}.
For 12.4 keV and a fluence of $10^{14}$ photons/$\mu$m$^2$, we can achieve about 3 \AA{} resolution; a further increase towards 1 \AA{} is only possible by increasing the fluence even further and at the same time having pulses of less then 1 fs duration.
Analysis of the results presented in Fig.~\ref{fig::angular_intensity} shows a substantial difference between the strong ionization regime Fig.~\ref{fig::angular_intensity}(a-c) and weak ionization regime Fig.~\ref{fig::angular_intensity}(d-f).
In the former case scattered intensities are substationally lower than intensities corresponding to an undamaged sample even at very short pulse durations of 0.1 fs (see Fig.~\ref{fig::angular_intensity}(a)) and in the latter case they are very close to each other.
Another important effect is the saturation of the scattered intensity.
At high fluences in the strong ionization regime an increase of the XFEL intensity by one order of magnitude does not lead to the same increase of the scattered intensity.
In the following, we consider a resolution of 10 \AA{} for 3.1 keV and 3 \AA{} for 12.4 keV, corresponding to $q_\text{0} \approx 0.6$ \AA$^{-1}$ and $q_\text{0} \approx 2$ \AA$^{-1}$, respectively.
Fig.~\ref{fig::form_factor} shows the averaged scattering intensities $\langle I_\text{W}(q_\text{0})\rangle_\phi$ at these momentum transfer values as a function of pulse duration and fluence.
For an undamaged sample, Fig.~\ref{fig::form_factor} shows a linear relationship between the incoming pulse fluence and scattered intensity.
However, due to ionization of the sample, this relationship breaks down at high XFEL intensities.
For 10 fs pulses, deviation from the linear scaling law starts at $10^{12}$ ($10^{14}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$ for 3.1 (12.4) keV, and becomes significant at one order of magnitude higher fluence.
This is caused by a substantial decrease of the number of bound electrons that can scatter (see Fig.~\ref{fig::bound_electrons}).
Reducing the pulse duration to 1 fs increases the scattered intensity by reducing electronic radiation damage.
A further reduction to 0.1 fs gives another, but considerably smaller increase, in qualitative agreement with the radiation damage observables (Fig.~\ref{fig::bound_electrons}).
The results here put both lower and upper boundaries on acceptable fluences for imaging the test particle.
To achieve the required resolutions, a minimum fluence of $2\cdot 10^{12}$ ($10^{14}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$ for 3.1 (12.4) keV is strictly required to get enough scattered signal.
At 10 fs pulse duration, however, an increase in fluence no longer translates into an increase in scattered intensity for intensities beyond $10^{13}$ ($10^{15}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$.
An increase of the fluence by one order of magnitude increases the scattered signal only by a factor of two.
Decreasing the pulse duration to 1 fs already improves the scaling significantly, with another smaller gain when going to 0.1 fs pulses.
Still, even for the shortest 0.1 fs pulses, there is little advantage from increasing the fluence beyond $10^{14}$ (few $10^{15}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$ for 3.1 (12.4) keV.
\bigskip
As a simple measure of the background effects, we can use the ratio between the respective background contribution (incoherent signal $I_{\text{B}}(q)$ or Compton background $I_{\text{Compton}}(q)$) and the coherent signal,
\begin{gather}
\label{theory::backgroundContrib}
\Gamma_{\text{B/Compton}}(q) = \frac{I_{\text{B/Compton}}(q)}{\langle I_{\text{W}}(\mathbf{q}) \rangle_{\phi}}.
\end{gather}
This measure for the incoherent background $\Gamma_{\text{B}}(q)$ is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig::gamma}(a,c) for both photon energies and 1 fs pulse duration.
Note that the oscillations in these figures are caused by the speckle pattern of the diffraction image; the background $I_{\text{B}}(q)$ is a smooth function of $q$.
We considered a cutoff of 10\% shown as a horizontal dashed line, after which the background becomes a significant feature of the diffraction pattern and complicates the analysis, especially the orientation of the single-shot diffraction patterns.
The dependence of $\Gamma_B(q_\text{0})$ on the XFEL fluence and pulse duration is presented in Fig.~\ref{fig::gamma}(b,d).
The background rises continuously from negligible noise to the dominant contribution as the fluence increases.
For the highest fluences, $\Gamma_B(q_\text{0})$ shows saturation for all x-ray parameters, at values up to one.
A reduction of the pulse duration slightly reduces the background and the saturation value of $\Gamma_B(q_\text{0})$.
For 10 fs pulses, the cutoff is reached for fluences of $3\cdot 10^{13}$ ($10^{15}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$ for 3.1 (12.4) keV x-rays.
Reducing the pulse duration further to 0.1 fs increases the allowed fluences to about $2\cdot 10^{14}$ ($6\cdot 10^{15}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$.
Hence, the use of very short pulse durations is experimentally attractive to suppress this background contribution.
Note that the restrictions on the pulse fluence are similar to those from considering only the coherent scattering $I_\text{W}(\mathbf{q})$.
\bigskip
A comparison of the coherent signal and Compton scattering contribution is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig::compton} for pulses with 1 fs duration, different fluences and both photon energies.
Only the contribution from bound electrons was taken into account, the contribution from trapped and escaping electrons was neglected.
Hence, the presented results could be considered as a lower boundary.
As expected the Compton scattering becomes more important at high photon energy, and dominates the signal for high momentum transfers at $q \geq 3$ \AA$^{-1}$.
The Compton scattering is relatively weak for soft x-rays, never reaching the coherent signal.
The ratio $\Gamma_\text{Compton}$ (Eq.~\eqref{theory::backgroundContrib}) for different pulse parameters is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig::comptonback}.
We point out that in our simulations, the relative Compton background from bound electrons is larger than in \cite{SantraCompton}.
This increase is due to two factors.
The atoms in our simulations are stronger ionised on average due to inclusion of the electron impact ionization that leads to a stronger suppression of the coherent scattering.
Also, the explicit inclusion of nitrogen/oxygen atoms with more valence electrons (3 and 4 respectively versus 2 for carbon) increases the Compton scattering contribution, since this process dominantly occurs on weakly-bound electrons.
We found that the limit of 10\% background is always surpassed for the momentum transfer values larger than $q \geq 1$ \AA$^{-1}$ ($ q \geq 1.5$ \AA$^{-1}$) and photon energies of 3.1 keV (12.4 keV) (see Fig.~\ref{fig::comptonback}(a,c)).
We also observed that the dependence of the Compton background at a constant momentum transfer value $q_0$ on the pulse parameters is rather weak (see Fig.~\ref{fig::comptonback}(b,d)).
The Compton contribution practically does not depend on the pulse duration and $\Gamma_\text{Compton}(q_0)$ increases only by a factor of two to three for fluences above $F \geq 10^{13} (10^{15})$ photons/$\mu$m$^2$ at 3.1 (12.4) keV photon energy, respectively.
Effectively, considering the maximum acceptable background level to be 10\%, the Compton scattering limits the achievable resolution to approximately 6 \AA{} (4 \AA{}) for the soft (hard) x-rays.
Our simulations show that the Compton scattering gives a substantial contribution in the hard x-ray scattering conditions and less important in the soft x-ray range.
Without a proper treatment of this background or use of energy-resolved detectors, few \AA{}ngstr\"o{}m resolution limit will be difficult to reach for small non-crystalline particles.
\section{Summary and conclusions}
\label{sec::summary}
In summary, we have extended our previous approach \cite{Ulf} on ionization dynamics of biological samples to incorporate shake-off ionization and Compton scattering.
We studied the ionization dynamics and the scattered signal for ultrashort XFEL pulses from 0.1 fs to 10 fs.
We used an adenovirus shell as a test sample, and considered soft(hard) x-ray pulses with 3.1(12.4) keV photon energy and 10(3) \AA{} target resolution, respectively.
By introducing appropriate measures, we quantified the contribution of the single ionization mechanisms to the electronic radiation damage.
In particular, we found that with sufficiently short pulses (on the order of 1 fs and less) it is possible to outrun the ionization from the trapped electron gas and therefore to reduce the electronic damage significantly.
Our simulations show that it is \emph{not} necessary to use sub-fs pulses; a considerable damage reduction is already realized for pulse durations of 1 fs.
To translate this into a useful fluence limit, we also analyzed the scattered intensity, which has three contributions.
These are a coherent signal that contains all the structural information, an incoherent background that is due to statistical fluctuations of the form factors of individual atoms, and the Compton (inelastic) background.
For a given sample, they put different boundaries on the XFEL fluence and achievable resolution in different ways.
If the XFEL fluence is too large, most of electrons are striped from the atoms and the sample does not scatter anymore.
In this case scenario the coherent signal does not increase any more with the increasing XFEL pulse fluence.
We found that for a given XFEL fluence the use of shorter pulses increases the coherent signal and reduces the incoherent background.
In concord with the radiation damage measures, we found a large improvement already by reducing the pulse duration from 10 fs to 1 fs.
Even with the shortest pulses of 0.1 fs, however, there is an upper limit of about $10^{14}$ (few $10^{15}$) photons/$\mu$m$^2$ for 3.1 (12.4) keV photon energy.
Also at these fluences the incoherent background becomes relevant, the signal-to-noise ratio drops down, and recovery of a structural information will become a challenging task.
We also studied the Compton background, and found that it provides a strong contribution to the scattering signal at a few {\AA}ngstr\"{o}m resolution.
For our test sample, we found that Compton scattering limits the available resolution to about 6 \AA{} (4 \AA) for a photon energy of 3.1 (12.4) keV.
This background is virtually independent of the pulse parameters, and cannot be suppressed by the use of short pulses or small fluences.
To overcome this problem a special study of the Compton contribution and, possibly, dedicated energy resolution detectors will be necessary in the future.
Alltogether, our analysis shows that SPI experiments are still challenging, especially for small biological samples of 30 nm size and below.
To reach subnanometer resolution we suggest to use pulses of about 1 fs and the XFEL fluence that is below high ionization regime.
In order to obtain access to high resolution a substantial amount of diffraction patterns should be accumulated at these XFEL conditions.
Our results show that it is not advisable to go to high ionization regime of XFEL operation since ionization dynamics prevents substantial increase of the scattered intensity with the raise of the XFEL power.
\begin{acknowledgments}
The support of the project and fruitful discussions with E. Weckert, as well as careful reading of the manuscript by T. Laarman are greatly acknowledged.
Ulf Lorenz thanks the Deutsche Forschungsgemeinschaft (DFG) for financial support through Project No. Sa 547/9.
Nikolay Kabachnik acknowledges financial support by European XFEL (Hamburg) and from the programme "Physics with Accelerators and Reactors in West Europe" of the Russian Ministry of Education and Science.
\end{acknowledgments}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 1,482 |
Alfred Lord Fitch (December 1, 1912 – February 17, 1981) was an American athlete who competed mainly in the 400 metres.
He was born in New York and died in Orange, California.
He competed for the United States in the 1936 Summer Olympics held in Berlin, Germany in the 4 x 400 metre relay where he won the silver medal with his team mates Harold Cagle, Robert Young and Edward O'Brien.
External links
1912 births
1981 deaths
American male sprinters
Athletes (track and field) at the 1936 Summer Olympics
Olympic silver medalists for the United States in track and field
Medalists at the 1936 Summer Olympics | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 1,123 |
Identifying young people with early HIV-1 infection is important for increasing linkage to care, for behavioral counseling, and for enrolling individuals into programs that can provide effective interventions to disease progression and improve outcome. This study will develop and evaluate a saliva-based sensitive/less sensitive (S/LS) assay for differentiating persons with recent HIV-1 infection (less than 133 days) from those with established HIV-1 infection.
HIV infection incidence estimates are important, not only for determining specific populations where community HIV education sessions can have the most benefit or where changes in infection patterns are occurring, but also to target these populations for therapeutic interventions and measure their effect in the community. It is estimated that half of all new HIV infections in the United States occur in persons under the age of 25 each year, translating to approximately 20,000 new HIV-infected young people annually.
Incidence can be estimated by testing a cohort of individuals for antibody at two different time periods and observing the number of new infections, or by demonstrating the presence of HIV p24 or viral RNA in antibody-negative persons. Since these strategies are logistically difficult, expensive, and/or require significant laboratory infrastructure, new laboratory-based strategies were devised that can classify individuals as recently infected or with established infection. These serologic assays are known as "sensitive/less sensitive (S/LS) assays". They are based on either the concept of antibody titer or the concept of antibody avidity. There are several S/LS tests available but all of them are performed on serum collected via venipuncture. Based on several studies showing that obtaining saliva is a more desirable method of collection for adolescents receiving HIV testing, it is anticipated that the collection of saliva and its use for determining HIV incidence by S/LS methods among adolescents would be a valuable adjunct for population studies and for increasing compliance for testing and enrollment.
The aim of this study is to prove equivalence between the serum S/LS reference method (CDC validated serum S/LS Dilutional Vironostika (DV) from Organon Teknika) and the experimental method that uses an FDA approved saliva collection device (OraSure Technologies). Our rationale follows a syllogism, i.e., if the serum S/LS EIA (DV) is the best serologic method to determine incidence estimates and a saliva S/LS method is found to perform equivalently, then it follows that the saliva S/LS method can be used effectively to determine incidence. Therefore, our purpose is to show equivalence between the two assays. To address the issue of accuracy, further studies are planned to assess the saliva S/LS test against seroconversion panels where the exact time of acquisition of HIV infection is known.
This is a cross-sectional, laboratory-based study designed to develop and evaluate a saliva-based S/LS assay for differentiating individuals with recent HIV infection (less than 133 days) from those with established HIV infection. A total of 440 subjects will be recruited in the study. A serum and two saliva samples will be obtained from every subject. The first 40 patient samples will be used to develop and calibrate the saliva-based S/LS method. The remaining patient samples will be tested using the calibrated saliva based S/LS assay and the reference serum S/LS assay and concordance between the two methods will be analyzed.
HIV infected teens who are referred to or engaged in care at any of the 15 ATN clinical sites during the course of the study.
Youth who test HIV positive at ATN-managed or ATN-affiliated HIV Counseling and Testing Sites (CTS) during the course of the study.
Youth who test HIV positive at the BCHD STD Clinic during the course of the study.
Phenotypic and genotypic testing for antiretroviral drug (ART) resistance will be done on stored samples from all subjects who are identified as recently infected by the serum based DV S/LS reference method. An assay for viral replication fitness will also be done on these same samples. This testing will provide a recent assessment of prevalence of transmitted ART resistant HIV-1 in this population.
Two hundred fifty subjects will be recruited from the fifteen sites of the Adolescent Trials Network for HIV/AIDS Interventions (ATN) and 190 from the BCHD STD Clinic, a sexually transmitted disease clinic of the Baltimore City Health Department (BCHD). The age range for subjects from the ATN clinical sites will be 12 through 24 years and those from the BCHD STD Clinic will be 17 through 30 years. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 5,357 |
Q: Is there any difference in meaning to start a two-clause sentence with "As" or "Because"? Is there any difference in meaning to start a two-clause sentence with "As" or "Because" in first clause to explain the reason for the second clause
As we need that function, we must import the following properties file.
Because we need that function, we must import the following properties file.
Thanks.
A: Technically, in terms of meaning, both are correct. "As" can be used to show causation, "because" definitely can, and while we're at it, "since" can be used as well:
Since we need that function, we must import the following properties file.
For some reason, though, the first form (the one that uses "as") sounds less natural to the ear. It may be because I'm used to seeing "as" used to convey a sense of simultaneity, e.g.
As we were walking to the market, we came across a giant well.
Of course, this conjunction has many uses, as the dictionary definition on Free Online Dictionary shows. It definitely can be used to show causation; it's just a matter of personal preference.
A: Fowler in Modern English Usage states:
To causal or explanatory 'as-clauses', if they are placed before the main sentence, there is no objection.
Garner in his Modern American Usage does not fully support this, stating:
In the causal sense, 'as' should be avoided because it may be misunderstood as having its more usual meaning 'while', especially when it is placed anywhere but the beginning of the sentence.
Swan (a British grammarian) in Practical English Usage points to a subtle distinction in the meaning of the two words:
'As' and 'since' are used when the reason is already known to the listener/reader, or when it is not an important part of the sentence.
'Because' puts more emphasis on the reason, and most often introduces new information which is not known to the listener/reader.
If we follow Swan on this, then the OP's second sentence "Because we need that function, .. " places more emphasis on the need for the function, and the fact that the reader might not be aware of this, than does "As we need that function .. ".
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 4,012 |
To be eligible, the original score must be a substantial body of music that serves as original dramatic underscoring, and must be written specifically for the motion picture by the submitting composer.
The 86th Academy Awards nominations will be announced on Thursday, January 16, 2014. Academy Awards® for outstanding film achievements of 2013 will be presented on Oscar Sunday, March 2, 2014. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 9,097 |
To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo is a retelling of The Little Mermaid with a blending of Greco-Roman mythology. It's told in alternating points of view between Princess Lira, the daughter of Sea Queen, and one of the most lethal of sirens, and Prince Elian, a seafaring / pirate prince.
The setting isn't quite the Mediterranean but it's certainly inspired by it. There are Japanese influences too, in the form of a tavern owner with an interesting past. The world building is just familiar enough and just magical enough to give the reader plenty of things to imagine and think about without getting lost. It compares favorably with the world building in The Belles by Dhonielle Clayton and the Sea of Ink and Gold series by Traci Chee.
Lira and Elian are both well imagined characters with compelling reasons to do the things that they do. The foundation for this story is more Disney than Hans Christian Anderson but with darker motives and better thought out characters. Gone is the "because he's cute" and the "humans have cool stuff" reasons. Both characters are working for their kingdoms, sometimes together and sometimes at cross purposes. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 169 |
Wolfgang Haubrichs (born 22 December 1942) is a German philologist and medievalist who specializes in the study of Old High German literature.
Biography
Wolfgang Haubrichs was born in Saarbrücken, Germany on 22 December 1942. He is the son of lawyer Willi Haubrichs and Erika Schaap.
After graduating from high school in Saarbrücken, Haubrichs studied Germanistics, history and philosophy at Saarland University and the University of Bonn. Haubrichs earned his doctorate under the supervision of Hans Eggers in 1967 with a thesis on Otfrid of Weissenburg. He subsequently spent two years researching Old High German literature with funding from the Deutsche Forschungsgemeinschaft. During this time he was a research assistant of Hans Eggers at Saarland University, where he became Assistant Professor in the Department for Modern Linguistics and Literary Studies. He habilitated in 1975 with a dissertation on the Georgslied, and was subsequently appointed Professor of Medieval Studies and Old German Philology at the University of Saarbrücken. Haubrichs retired from this position in 2007, but continued to teach at Saarbrücken from 2011 to 2015.
Selected works
Ordo als Form. Strukturstudien zur Zahlenkomposition bei Otfrid von Weißenburg und in karolingischer Literatur, 1969
Georgslied und Georgslegende im frühen Mittelalter: Text und Rekonstruktion, 1979
Die Anfänge: Versuche volkssprachiger Schriftlichkeit im frühen Mittelalter (ca. 700–1050/60), 1995
Sources
Albrecht Greule, Hans-Walter Herrmann, Klaus Ridder, Andreas Schorr (eds.): Studien zu Literatur, Sprache und Geschichte in Europa. Wolfgang Haubrichs zum 65. Geburtstag gewidmet. Röhrig Universitätsverlag, St. Ingbert 2008. .
External links
Wolfgang Haubrichs at the website of Saarland University
1942 births
Living people
German non-fiction writers
German philologists
Germanists
Germanic studies scholars
People from Saarbrücken
Saarland University alumni
Academic staff of Saarland University
University of Bonn alumni | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 1,833 |
Franklin Smoke (24 August 1860 – 27 February 1937) was a Conservative member of the House of Commons of Canada. He was born in South Dumfries Township, Canada West and became a barrister.
Smoke attended public and secondary schools at Paris, Ontario then proceeded to studies at Osgoode Hall Law School. In 1908, he was appointed King's Counsel.
In the 1919 Ontario election, Smoke was an unsuccessful candidate for provincial office. His campaign for federal office in the 1925 general election was successful, winning a Parliament seat at Brant riding. He was re-elected in 1926 and 1930 then defeated by George Wood of the Liberal party in the 1935 election.
Electoral record
References
External links
1860 births
1937 deaths
Canadian King's Counsel
Conservative Party of Canada (1867–1942) MPs
Members of the House of Commons of Canada from Ontario
Osgoode Hall Law School alumni
People from the County of Brant | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 5,371 |
Q: How can i get all words from a string array using a return statement I want to return words from a String array one after the other.
public String CurrentString(int move) {
int currentString = 0;
EditText ed = (EditText) findViewById(R.id.ed);
String[] strings = ed.getText().toString().split(" ");
int newString = currentString move;
if (newString >= strings.length) {
// if the new position is past the end of the array, go back to the beginning
newString = 0;
}
if (newString < 0) {
// if the new position is before the beginning, loop to the end
newString = strings.length - 1;
}
currentString = newString;
Toast.makeText(getApplicationContext(), strings[currentString],Toast.LENGTH_LONG).show();
return strings[currentString];
}
The problem is that my above code doesn't return all texts. Please, help.
A: Seems you have not done enough "homework" and are having problems with arrays, (that's why people are down-voting [this is not a site for beginners who not do put in the required "research effort", the site would be inundated]).
The current trend is to downvote AND/OR leave a sarcastic comment ;O)
Also your code contains errors that will not compile, so you have not even bothered to test it ! ;O(
Lucky for you you cannot get a negative reputation !
Seriously please do some research (google it !)
Here is some code that may help. Use split to process your string into a string array:
String string = "I want a string array of all these words";//input string
// ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
// 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 //index
String[] array_of_words;//output array of words
array_of_words = CurrentString(string);//execute method
Log.i("testing", array_of_words[8]);//this would be "words" in this example
//later you might want to process commas and full stops etc...
public String[] CurrentString(String string)
{
String[] array = string.split(" "); //use space to split string into words
//With the advent of Java 5, we can make our for loops a little cleaner and easier to read
for ( String sarray : array ) //loop through String array
{
Log.i("CurrentString", sarray );//print the words
}
return array ;//return String array
}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 4,518 |
In the Ibiza-style Intune portal, you can enter a computer name or device name or UPN in the Filters, but you cannot use "EAS activation ID".
This makes hard to send a "Reboot or Fresh Start" MDM command to the right machine : you have to ask the user for EAS ID, then click on every identical machine name and compare the EAS ID in the "Hardware" tab.
I manage quite a few subscriptions, and I favour the same selection of portal features (in my "starred" left navigation bar) for most of them. A real pain-point is scrolling/scanning up and down that "starred/shortcut" menu for the icon I need.
I'd like to be able to script the menu and transfer it to my other subscription/directory login sessions.
I understand why each should be separate, but I'd like to be able to copy the selection and order of items to other logins. It would also be a big bonus if I can offer the template to a customer, once I've set their cloud resources up and handed it back.
Copying the order of left menu items would be especially helpful too, as it would make productivity (navigating) much faster if I always know where something is. Adding a new starred favourite to every login (when new Azure services are added to the portal) is a pain.
Just a PowerShell get/set type module would be very much appreciated, please.
I have been wondering if we can have a site tour for the first time logged in users. Most of the times users would know what to use and at the same time most of them don't know about the inbuilt features. So it would be always a good idea to develop a video on most of the topics like a Site tour Guide. This will improve customer Usage experience. I haven't noticed this but may be a sitemap might be available.
Azure now is one of the best cloud computing technology hosting's. so it is always a good candidate to go for such basic things so that users would feel it instead of using the site and then conclude. Hence, I would like to post this idea as an Area of improvement.
I often find myself (1) without a browser tab open in the Portal and (2) wanting to jump to a resource and not wait for the portal to load.
Today, I open a bookmark to some portal page, which causes me to have to a heavy portal page I don't really care about just to use the search box.
I make good use of Chrome's custom search engines feature. This feature allows me to set up custom URL bar search keywords for favorite sites. For example, I can go to the URL bar, type a shortcut word (like "amazon"), hit tab, type my search term, and Enter to execute a search on Amazon.
What Chrome does is take my search text and inject it into a search URL at the site, which then commits the usual search action.
Users can add as many custom search engines as they like.
I propose the portal should have a simple, lightweight search page users can bookmark. It would let me avoid loading a heavy page just to get to a resource.
It should have a good URL/querystring model so I could map a Chrome custom search engine to it.
Ideally, there might be two different URLs, one that searches keyword matches and another that just jumps to the exact match resource without doing an interactive search.
Finally, if I'm not logged in, I should not lose my query terms when I pass through the authentication redirects.
Some functionality is greyed out if certain permission is greyed out. How to know which permission grant has to be registered?
New Portal subscription list only show domains where I have subscriptions...if no subscriptions then an option to filter it from my list.
The "new" portal shows all accounts I've ever worked with even if I'm not an active participate as an admin in any of those account's subscriptions. If I'm not active in an account's subscriptions it would be nice to be able to filter it out (either with a setting) or make that default.
internet explorer working on android for older activex web services??
Sometimes we find dvr-type computers that only allow the connection by http and internet explorer to be configured with an ActiveX plugin.
There are an insane number of users of android, if you could allow the use of internet explorer in android you could get to visualize these equipments through a mobile device with andorid.
I've been trying for some time but it's almost impossible, I've already tried it with a windows phone with internet explorer, but it does not let the activex install, so you can never see dvr images on a smartphone.
In many places in the portal when selecting a storage account you have no search option this means if you have many storage accounts like we do you need to scroll through a list of storage accounts to find the desired one.
One example of where this is the case is connecting an Log Analytics work space to a storage account. Another is when enabling diagnostics on some infrastructure components.
Search for networks or addresses.
If I go to virtual networks I can see all my networks. But I can't search any of them with the search bar. It would be great to be able to search for networks by address.
When I find an Azure portal feature I want to use, e g on a cool blog, MSDN or other information, I want to find it in the list with English search words, but I still like the portal to remain in Swedish. E g now if I search for storage, nothing comes up. Some of the translations are not 100% so hard to guess the translation also. Can we have both English + local language search?
Makes sense. Let us know how important this is to you. We'll keep working on the top feedback.
View My Bill should go to my bill - there are too many clicks in between: I should also be able to see my current balance on the dashboard and burn rate in a simple window. This is important information I like to check frequently. I should not have to go off the dashboard to get this information.
We'll update this. For now, please use More Services > Billing.
Firstly, IT Pro's don't think of "Recovery Services" they think of backup. So firstly, I think you should use industry terminology rather than "Microsoft speak".
Secondly, if I type in "backup", can search suggest related areas like "Did you mean Recovery Services?" or "Best Match: Recovery Services"
Copy interface from AWS. Thanks bye.
We'll add a resource type filter.
When browsing resources in "All Resources" or by any other resource types it would be great to have the ability to view the list of resources grouped by columns values. It can be only one group, no need to have complex multi-field grouping here.
A typical scenario would be this one: I have already filtered 4 subscriptions out of 30+ and I want to group resources by subscription, resource group or even resource type.
We'd love to do this.
When I click a notification, the notification blade is showed and when I close it, the context where I was working is lost.
Ex: in VM (classic) blade I decide to start a VM, the notification shows me an error, I click the notification, read the error message and then close the notification blade. At this point the home page is shown instead of the blades I had previously. Would it be possible to show the notification blade on the right? or perhaps, next to the blade I'm currently using? | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 4,428 |
Q: what is the secure way to save In-app purchases data (consumable items like coins or gems)? I just learned about "IAP" in "iOS 7".
from what I've learned, for non-consumable products we can use receipt validation to validate if the users already bought the products or not.
but I don't know how to validate consumable items (like coins or gems). at the moment I'm using NSUserDefault to save consumable items. how to check if users bought the coins/gems? I'm afraid they change the value themselves in NSUserDefaults using "iFunBox".
I tried using "this", but I still can change the value with "iFunBox".
Thank you very much and sorry for my bad English
A: Why not use a plist?
Not sure if this would be the most advised way, but using a custom plist file to read/write should be secure, as far as I know it is private to your app and only accessible by code you write to access/modify it.
A starting point: http://ipgames.wordpress.com/tutorials/writeread-data-to-plist-file/
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 9,452 |
<?xml version="1.0" encoding="iso-8859-1"?>
<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd">
<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml">
<head>
<!-- template designed by Marco Von Ballmoos -->
<title>Docs For Class IRCBot_Modules_Main</title>
<link rel="stylesheet" href="../media/stylesheet.css" />
<meta http-equiv='Content-Type' content='text/html; charset=iso-8859-1' />
</head>
<body>
<div class="page-body">
<h2 class="class-name">Class IRCBot_Modules_Main</h2>
<a name="sec-description"></a>
<div class="info-box">
<div class="info-box-title">Description</div>
<div class="nav-bar">
<span class="disabled">Description</span> | <a
href="#sec-method-summary">Methods</a> (<a href="#sec-methods">details</a>)
</div>
<div class="info-box-body">
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<p class="notes">
Located in <a class="field" href="_Modules---Main.php.html">/Modules/Main.php</a>
(line <span class="field">2</span>)
</p>
<pre></pre>
</div>
</div>
<a name="sec-method-summary"></a>
<div class="info-box">
<div class="info-box-title">
Method Summary</span>
</div>
<div class="nav-bar">
<a href="#sec-description">Description</a> | <span class="disabled">Methods</span>
(<a href="#sec-methods">details</a>)
</div>
<div class="info-box-body">
<div class="method-summary">
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">IRCBot_Modules_Main</span> <a
href="#__construct" title="details" class="method-name">__construct</a>
()
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onConnect"
title="details" class="method-name">onConnect</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onEndNames"
title="details" class="method-name">onEndNames</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onError"
title="details" class="method-name">onError</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Error.html">IRCBot_Commands_Error</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$error</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onISupport"
title="details" class="method-name">onISupport</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_ISupport.html">IRCBot_Types_ISupport</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onJoin"
title="details" class="method-name">onJoin</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Join.html">IRCBot_Commands_Join</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$join</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onMOTD"
title="details" class="method-name">onMOTD</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onMOTDStart"
title="details" class="method-name">onMOTDStart</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onMyInfo"
title="details" class="method-name">onMyInfo</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onNameReply"
title="details" class="method-name">onNameReply</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_NameReply.html">IRCBot_Types_NameReply</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$nameReply</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onPart"
title="details" class="method-name">onPart</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Part.html">IRCBot_Commands_Part</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$part</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onPing"
title="details" class="method-name">onPing</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Ping.html">IRCBot_Commands_Ping</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$ping</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onSIGINT"
title="details" class="method-name">onSIGINT</a> ()
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onTopic"
title="details" class="method-name">onTopic</a> (<span
class="var-type"></span> <span class="var-name">$data</span>)
</div>
<div class="method-definition">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <a href="#onTopicWhoTime"
title="details" class="method-name">onTopicWhoTime</a> (<span
class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
<a name="sec-methods"></a>
<div class="info-box">
<div class="info-box-title">Methods</div>
<div class="nav-bar">
<a href="#sec-description">Description</a> | <a
href="#sec-method-summary">Methods</a> (<span class="disabled">details</span>)
</div>
<div class="info-box-body">
<A NAME='method_detail'></A> <a name="method__construct"
id="__construct">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="oddrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">Constructor __construct</span> (line <span
class="line-number">4</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">IRCBot_Modules_Main</span> <span
class="method-name"> __construct </span> ()
</div>
</div>
<a name="methodonConnect" id="onConnect">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="evenrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onConnect</span> (line <span
class="line-number">30</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onConnect </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$numeric</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonEndNames" id="onEndNames">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="oddrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onEndNames</span> (line <span
class="line-number">111</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onEndNames </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$numeric</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonError" id="onError">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="evenrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onError</span> (line <span
class="line-number">96</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onError </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Error.html">IRCBot_Commands_Error</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$error</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Error.html">IRCBot_Commands_Error</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$error</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonISupport" id="onISupport">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="oddrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onISupport</span> (line <span
class="line-number">125</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onISupport </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_ISupport.html">IRCBot_Types_ISupport</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_ISupport.html">IRCBot_Types_ISupport</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$numeric</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonJoin" id="onJoin">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="evenrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onJoin</span> (line <span
class="line-number">44</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onJoin </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Join.html">IRCBot_Commands_Join</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$join</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Join.html">IRCBot_Commands_Join</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$join</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonMOTD" id="onMOTD">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="oddrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onMOTD</span> (line <span
class="line-number">40</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onMOTD </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$numeric</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonMOTDStart" id="onMOTDStart">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="evenrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onMOTDStart</span> (line <span
class="line-number">36</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onMOTDStart </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$numeric</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonMyInfo" id="onMyInfo">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="oddrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onMyInfo</span> (line <span
class="line-number">130</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onMyInfo </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$numeric</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_Numeric.html">IRCBot_Types_Numeric</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$numeric</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonNameReply" id="onNameReply">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="evenrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onNameReply</span> (line <span
class="line-number">107</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onNameReply </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_NameReply.html">IRCBot_Types_NameReply</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$nameReply</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Types_NameReply.html">IRCBot_Types_NameReply</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$nameReply</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonPart" id="onPart">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="oddrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onPart</span> (line <span
class="line-number">55</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onPart </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Part.html">IRCBot_Commands_Part</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$part</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Part.html">IRCBot_Commands_Part</a></span>
<span class="var-name">$part</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<a name="methodonPing" id="onPing">
<!-- -->
</a>
<div class="evenrow">
<div class="method-header">
<span class="method-title">onPing</span> (line <span
class="line-number">24</span>)
</div>
<!-- ========== Info from phpDoc block ========= -->
<ul class="tags">
<li><span class="field">access:</span> public</li>
</ul>
<div class="method-signature">
<span class="method-result">void</span> <span class="method-name">
onPing </span> (<span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Ping.html">IRCBot_Commands_Ping</a></span> <span
class="var-name">$ping</span>)
</div>
<ul class="parameters">
<li><span class="var-type"><a
href="../default/IRCBot_Commands_Ping.html">IRCBot_Commands_Ping</a></span>
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\subsection{Data on nuclear structure functions}
\label{Sec:nucl_dat}
In this section we summarize the existing experimental
information on nuclear effects in structure functions.
Their systematic investigation for light and heavy nuclei
has been carried out so far only in unpolarized scattering experiments.
Most of the data come from deep-inelastic lepton scattering.
Modifications of nuclear parton distributions have also been
studied in other high-energy processes.
We mention, in particular, heavy quark production
and Drell-Yan experiments.
\subsubsection{Nuclear effects in $F_2^{\T{A}}$}
\label{subs:Nucl_F2}
Experiments on
deep-inelastic scattering from nuclei are reviewed in
\cite{Arneodo:1994wf,Geesaman:1995yd}.
For a discussion of the data it is convenient to use
structure functions which depend on
the Bjorken scaling variable for a free nucleon,
$x = Q^2/(2 M \nu)$.
In charged lepton scattering from unpolarized nuclear targets
these structure functions
are defined by the differential cross section per nucleon:
\begin{equation}
\frac{d^2\sigma^{\T A}}{dx \,dQ^2} =
\frac{4 \pi \alpha^2}{Q^4}
\left[
\left(1-y-\frac{M xy}{2 E}\right) \frac{F_2^{\T A}(x,Q^2)}{x}
+ y^2 F_1^{\T A}(x,Q^2)\right].
\end{equation}
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/RAd.eps,height=90mm,width=120mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
The structure function ratio $F_2^{\T A} / F_2^{\T d}$
for $^{40}$Ca and $^{56}$Fe.
The data are taken from NMC \cite{Amaudruz:1995tq},
SLAC \cite{Gomez:1994ri}, and
BCDMS \cite{Benvenuti:1987az}.
}
\label{fig:RAd}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Some time ago the EMC collaboration discovered that the structure
function $F_2$ for iron differs
substantially from the corresponding deuteron structure function
\cite{Aubert:1983},
far beyond trivial Fermi motion corrections.
Since then many experiments dedicated to a study of nuclear
effects in unpolarized deep-inelastic scattering have been
carried out at CERN, SLAC and FNAL.
The primary aim was to explore
the difference of nuclear and deuterium structure functions.
Figure \ref{fig:RAd}
\nocite{Gomez:1994ri,Amaudruz:1995tq,Benvenuti:1987az}
presents a compilation of data for the
structure function ratio $F_2^{\T A} / F_2^{\T d}$ over the
range $0 \leq x \leq 1$.
Here $F_2^{\T A}$ is the structure function
per nucleon of a nucleus with mass number $A$,
and $F_2^{\T d}$ refers to deuterium.
In the absence of nuclear effects the ratios $F_2^{\T A} / F_2^{\T d}$
are thus normalized to one.
Neglecting small nuclear effects in the deuteron, $F_2^{\T d}$
can approximately stand for the isospin averaged nucleon
structure function, $F_2^{\T N}$.
However, the more detailed analysis must include two-nucleon
effects in the deuteron.
Several distinct regions with characteristic nuclear effects can
be identified:
at $x < 0.1$ one observes a systematic reduction
of $F_2^{\T A} / F_2^{\T d}$, the so-called nuclear shadowing.
A small enhancement is seen at $0.1 < x < 0.2$.
The dip at $0.3 < x < 0.8$ is often referred to as
the traditional ``EMC effect''.
For $x>0.8$ the observed enhancement of the nuclear structure function
is associated with nuclear Fermi motion.
Finally, note again that nuclear structure functions can extend
beyond $x=1$, the kinematic limit for scattering from free nucleons.
\begin{figure}[b]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/nmc_logx_a.eps,height=80mm,width=110mm}
\end{center}
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/smallx_b.eps,height=80mm,width=110mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
(a) NMC data \cite{Amaudruz:1995tq} for the
structure function ratio $F_2^{\T A} / F_2^{\T d}$ for
$^{4}$He, $^{12}$C, and $^{40}$Ca.
(b) The ratio $F_2^{\T A} / F_2^{\T d}$ for
$^{6}$Li, $^{12}$C \cite{Arneodo:1995cs},
and $^{131}$Xe \cite{Adams:1992nf}.
}
\label{fig:RAd_shad2}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/fig6-1.eps.eps,height=90mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The shadowing ratio
$A_{eff}/A = \sigma_{\gamma \T A}/{A \sigma_{\gamma\T N}}$
for $^{63}$Cu as a function of the photon energy $\nu$.
The date are taken from
Refs.\cite{Heynen71,Brookes73,Caldwell:1973bu,Michalowski:1977eg,%
Arakelian:1978rc,Caldwell:1979ik,Bianchi:1994ax}.
}
\label{fig:shad_photon}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[b]
\begin{center}
\begin{tabular}[htb]{lcr}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/ratio_sc2.eps,width=.40\textwidth}
& &
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/q2slope_sc2.eps,width=.40\textwidth}
\end{tabular}
\end{center}
\caption{Left:
NMC data \cite{Arneodo:1996ru} for the ratio
$F_2^{\T {Sn}} / F_2^{\T C}$ as a function of $x$ averaged over
$Q^2$.
At large $x$ SLAC data \cite{Gomez:1994ri} for the ratio
$F_2^{\T {Ag}} / F_2^{\T C}$ are added.
Right: Results for
the logarithmic slope ${d}(F_2^{\T {Sn}}/F_2^{\T C})/{d}\ln Q^2$
from NMC \cite{Arneodo:1996ru}.
The error bars represent statistical uncertainties.
The band indicates the size of the systematic errors.
}
\label{fig:sn/c_a}
\label{emk_fig_sn}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\begin{itemize}
\item [$\bullet$]
{\bf Shadowing region}
\noindent
Measurements of
E665 \cite{Adams:1992nf,Adams:1995is,Adams:1992vm}
at Fermilab and NMC
\cite{Amaudruz:1995tq,Arneodo:1995cs,Amaudruz:1991cc,Amaudruz:1992dj,%
Arneodo:1996rv,Arneodo:1996ru}
at CERN provide detailed and systematic
information about the $x$- and $A$-dependence of
the structure function ratios $F_2^{\T A}/ F_2^{\T d}$.
Nuclear targets ranging from He to Pb have been used.
A sample of data for several nuclei is shown in
Fig.\ref{fig:RAd_shad2}.
While most experiments cover the region $x > 10^{-4}$,
the E665 collaboration provides data for
$F_2^{\T Xe}/F_2^{\T d}$ \cite{Adams:1992nf}
down to $x \simeq 2 \cdot 10^{-5}$.
Given the kinematic constraints in fixed target experiments,
the small $x$-region has been explored at low $Q^2$ only.
For example, at $x \simeq 5 \cdot 10^{-3} $ the typical
momentum transfers are $Q^2 \simeq 1$ GeV$^2$ \cite{Arneodo:1995cs}.
At extremely small values, $x \simeq 6 \cdot 10^{-5}$, one has
$Q^2 \simeq 0.03$ GeV$^2$ \cite{Adams:1992nf}.
\medskip
\noindent
In the region $5\cdot 10^{-3} < x < 0.1$ the structure function
ratios systematically decrease with decreasing $x$.
At still smaller $x$ one enters the range of small
momentum transfers, $Q^2 \simeq 0.5$ GeV$^2$, approaching the limit of
high-energy photon-nucleus interactions with real photons.
As an example we show in Fig.\ref{fig:shad_photon} data on
shadowing for real photon scattering from $^{63}$Cu.
\nocite{Heynen71,Brookes73,Caldwell:1973bu,Michalowski:1977eg,%
Arakelian:1978rc,Caldwell:1979ik,Bianchi:1994ax}
\medskip
\noindent
Shadowing systematically increases with the nuclear mass
number $A$. For example, at $x \approx 0.01$ one finds
$F_2^{\T A}/ F_2^{\T C} \sim A^{\alpha -1}$ with
$\alpha \approx 0.95$ \cite{Arneodo:1996rv}.
A similar behavior has been observed in
high-energy photonuclear cross sections \cite{Weise:1993}:
their $A$-dependence is roughly
$\sigma_{\gamma \T A} \approx A^{0.92} \sigma_{\gamma \T N}$
where $\sigma_{\gamma \T N}$ is the free photon-nucleon
cross section averaged over proton and neutron.
\medskip
\noindent
The shadowing effect depends only weakly on
the momentum transfer $Q^2$.
The most precise investigation of this issue has been
performed for the ratio of Sn and carbon structure functions
presented in Fig.\ref{fig:sn/c_a}
\cite{Arneodo:1996ru}.
It reveals that shadowing decreases at most linearly with
$\ln Q^2$ for $x< 0.1$.
The rate of this decrease becomes smaller with rising $x$.
At $x > 0.1$ no significant $Q^2$-dependence of
$F_2^{\T{Sn}}/F_2^{\T C}$ is found.
\medskip
\noindent
Shadowing has also been observed in deep-inelastic
scattering from deuterium, the lightest and most weakly bound
nucleus.
In Fig.\ref{fig:deut_shad} we show data from E665 \cite{Adams:1995sh} and
NMC \cite{Arneodo:1996kd}
for the ratio $F_2^{\T d}/F_2^{\T p}$ of the deuteron and
proton structure functions.
At $x<0.1$ this ratio is systematically smaller than one.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\vspace*{-1cm}
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/deut_shad.eps,height=90mm,width=110mm}
\end{center}
\vspace*{-1cm}
\caption[...]{
The structure function ratio $F_2^{\T d} / F_2^{\T p}$.
Data from E665 \cite{Adams:1995sh} and NMC \cite{Arneodo:1996kd}.
}
\label{fig:deut_shad}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\medskip
\item [$\bullet$]
{\bf Enhancement region}
\noindent
The NMC data have established a small but statistically significant
enhancement of the structure function ratio at
$0.1 < x < 0.2$.
The observed enhancement is of the order of a few percent.
For carbon and calcium it amounts to typically $2\%$ \cite{Arneodo:1996ru}.
The most precise measurement of this enhancement has
been obtained for $F_2^{\T{Sn}}/F_2^{\T{C}}$ shown in Fig.\ref{fig:sn/c_a}.
Within the accuracy of the data no significant $Q^2$-dependence
of this effect has been found in this region.
\medskip
\item [$\bullet$]
{\bf Region of ``EMC effect''}
\noindent
The region of intermediate $0.2 < x < 0.8$ has been
explored extensively at CERN and SLAC.
In the range
$2 \,\T{GeV}^2 < Q^2 < 15$ GeV$^2$,
data were taken
by the E139 collaboration \cite{Gomez:1994ri}
for a large sample of nuclear targets
between deuterium and gold.
The measured structure function ratios
decrease with rising $x$ and have a minimum at $x \approx 0.6$.
The magnitude of this depletion grows approximately
logarithmically with the nuclear mass number.
The observed effect agrees well with data
for the ratios of iron and nitrogen to deuterium
structure functions from BCDMS
taken at large $Q^2$ values, $14 \,\T{GeV}^2 < Q^2 < 200$
GeV$^2$ \cite{Benvenuti:1987az,Bari:1985ga}.
These data imply that a strong $Q^2$-dependence of
the structure function ratios is excluded.
\medskip
\item [$\bullet$]
{\bf Fermi motion region}
\noindent
At $x>0.8$ the structure function ratios rise
above unity \cite{Gomez:1994ri}, but experimental information is
rather scarce.
The free nucleon structure function
$F_2^{\T N}$ is known to
drop as $(1-x)^3$ when approaching its kinematic
limit at $x=1$.
Clearly, even minor nuclear effects
appear artificially enhanced in this kinematic range
when presented in the form of the ratio
$F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{\T N}$.
\medskip
\item [$\bullet$]
{\bf The region $x > 1$}
\noindent
Data at large Bjorken $x$ and large momentum transfer,
$0.7 < x < 1.3$ and $50 \,\T{GeV}^2 < Q^2 < 200$ GeV$^2$,
have been taken for carbon and iron by the BCDMS \cite{Benvenuti:1994bb}
and CCFR \cite{Vakili:1999qt} collaborations, respectively.
The results disagree with model calculations at $x \sim 1$
which account for Fermi motion effects only.
For $Q^2 < 10$ GeV$^2$ data have been taken at SLAC
for various nuclei
\cite{Arrington:1996hs,Rock:1992jy,Bosted:1992fy,Filippone:1992iz,Day:1987az}.
Both quasielastic scattering from nucleons as well as inelastic
scattering turns out to be important here.
\end{itemize}
\subsection{Moments of nuclear structure functions}
\label{ssec:moments_str_fns}
Given data for the ratio $F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{\T d}$
together with the measured deuteron structure function $F_2^{\T d}$,
the difference $F_2^{\T A} - F_2^{\T d}$ can be evaluated.
Its integral
\begin{equation} \label{eq:F_2_momfrac}
M_2^{\T A} - M_2^{\T d} =
\int_0^1 d x_{\T A} \, F_2^{\T A} (x_{\T A})
-
\int_0^1 d x_{\T d} \,F_2^{\T d} (x_{\T d})
\approx \int_0^2 d x \left(\frac{F_2^{\T A}(x)}{F_2^{\T d}(x)} - 1
+ f_M \right) F_2^{\T d}(x)
\end{equation}
represents the difference of the integrated momentum fraction carried
by quarks in a nucleus relative to that for deuterium.
The constant $f_M = (A M/M_{\T A} - 2 M/M_{\T d})$
corrects for the different mass defects of bound systems.
Note that in Eq.(\ref{eq:F_2_momfrac}) we have omitted
QCD target mass corrections \cite{Nachtmann:1974aj}.
An analysis based on the NMC \cite{Amaudruz:1991cc} and
SLAC \cite{Gomez:1994ri} data
has been performed for $\T{He}$, $\T{C}$ and $\T{Ca}$ \cite{Arneodo:1994wf}.
In the kinematic range covered by these experiments,
$3.5\cdot 10^{-3} < x < 0.8$,
the difference of the structure function moments
$M_2^{\T A} - M_2^{\T d}$ turns out to be compatible with zero.
Together with the well established result of the momentum sum
rule for the proton \cite{Roberts:1990ww}, one can therefore conclude that,
within the accuracy of present
data, quarks carry about half of the total momentum,
in nuclei as well as in free nucleons.
\subsection{Ratios of longitudinal and transverse cross sections}
Investigations of the
differences between the longitudinal-to-transverse cross section ratios
$R = \sigma_L/\sigma_T$ (\ref{eq:R_L_T}) for different nuclei have
been performed at SLAC for moderate and large values of $x$,
while the region of small $x$ has been investigated by NMC.
The difference $R^{\T d} - R^{\T p}$ is found to
be compatible with zero \cite{Whitlow:1990gk,Arneodo:1996kd,Tao:1996uh}.
Similar observations have been made for heavier targets
\cite{Arneodo:1996ru,Tao:1996uh,Dasu:1988ru,Amaudruz:1992wn,Dasu:1994vk}.
In Fig.\ref{fig:R_nuclear}
we show NMC data \cite{Arneodo:1996ru} for
$R^{\T{Sn}} - R^{\T{C}}$ as a function of $x$ for an average $Q^2$
of about $10$ GeV$^2$.
In addition we present the average values from the NMC measurement for
$R^{\T{Ca}} - R^{\T{C}}$ \cite{Amaudruz:1992wn}, and for
$R^{\T{Au}} - R^{\T{Fe}}$ from SLAC E140 \cite{Dasu:1988ru}.
All measurements are consistent with only marginal
nuclear dependence of $R$.
This implies that nuclear effects influence both structure functions
$F_1$ and $F_2$ in a similar way, and that
the ratio of nuclear cross sections
directly measures the ratio of the corresponding structure
functions $F_2$.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/deltar_sc2.eps,height=80mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
NMC data \cite{Arneodo:1996ru} for
$R^{\T{Sn}} - R^{\T{C}}$ as a function of $x$ for
$\overline Q^2 \approx 10$ GeV$^2$.
The average values for
$R^{\T{Ca}} - R^{\T{C}}$ \cite{Amaudruz:1992wn}, and
$R^{\T{Au}} - R^{\T{Fe}}$ \cite{Dasu:1988ru}
are also shown.
}
\bigskip
\label{fig:R_nuclear}
\end{figure}
\subsection{Other measurements of nuclear parton distributions}
Nuclear deep-inelastic scattering is sensitive only to the sum of
valence and sea quark distributions (see e.g. Eq.(\ref{eq:parton_QCD})),
weighted by their respective electric charges.
In order to separate nuclear effects in the valence and sea quark
sectors, and directly measure nuclear gluon distributions,
other types of processes are required which we briefly summarize
in the following.
\subsubsection{Drell-Yan lepton pair production}
\label{sssec:DY}
In the Drell-Yan production of lepton pairs
(mostly $\mu^+\mu^-$) in hadron-nucleus collisions,
the underlying partonic sub-process is the annihilation of a quark
and antiquark from beam and target into a time-like
high energy photon, which
subsequently converts into the observed dilepton. The Drell-Yan
cross section reads (see e.g. \cite{Field:1989uq}):
\begin{equation} \label{eq:DY}
\frac{d^2\sigma}{dx_T dx_B}
= \frac{4 \pi \alpha^2}{9 \,m_{l}^2}
\, K\, \sum_f e_f^2 \left[ q_f^B(x_B,Q^2)\,\bar q_f^T(x_T,Q^2) +
\bar q_f^B(x_B,Q^2)\, q_f^T(x_T,Q^2) \right],
\end{equation}
where $m_l$ is the invariant mass of the produced lepton pair.
The flavor dependent quark distributions of the projectile and target
are denoted by $q_f^B$ and $q_f^T$, respectively.
Seen from the center-of-mass frame the active quarks carry
fractions $x_B$ and $x_T$ of the beam and target momenta.
They are determined by the momentum component $q_L$
of the produced dilepton parallel
to the beam, its invariant mass $m_{l}$
and the squared center-of-mass
\linebreak
energy $s$:
\begin{equation}
x_T\,x_B = \frac{m_{l}^2}{s}, \quad
x_F = \frac{2 q_L}{\sqrt{s}} = x_B - x_T.
\end{equation}
Higher order QCD corrections to the production cross section
(\ref{eq:DY}) turn out to be significant.
They are absorbed in the so-called ``$K$-factor'' and
effectively double the leading order cross section.
The E772 experiment at FNAL \cite{Alde:1990im} has investigated Drell-Yan
dilepton production in proton-nucleus collisions at
$s = 1600$ GeV$^2$.
At $x_F > 0.2$ the production process
is dominated by the annihilation of projectile quarks with
target antiquarks.
Outside the domain of quarkonium resonances,
i.e. for $4 \,{\T{GeV}} < m_l < 9$ GeV and $m_l > 11$ GeV,
this experiment explores possible modifications of nuclear
sea quark distributions.
In Fig.\ref{fig:DY} we show ratios of dimuon yields
for nuclear targets and deuterium taken at $x_F > 0$.
At $x_T>0.1$
no significant nuclear effects have been observed within
admittedly large experimental errors.
This indicates the absence of strong modifications
of nuclear sea quark distributions, as compared to those of free
nucleons.
At $x_T<0.1$, on the other hand, the observed attenuation for heavy
nuclei implies a substantial reduction
of nuclear sea quarks, in qualitative agreement with
the shadowing effects observed in nuclear deep-inelastic
scattering at $x <0.1$.
The detailed comparison of shadowing in Drell-Yan versus
DIS requires, of course, a careful separation of valence
and sea quark effects as well as their $Q^2$ evolution
\cite{Frankfurt:1990xz}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\vspace*{-1cm}
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/dy.eps,height=110mm}
\end{center}
\vspace*{-2cm}
\caption[...]{
Drell-Yan dimuon yields per nucleon for $^{40}$Ca and $^{184}$W
as a function of $x_T$ for $x_F > 0$
\cite{Alde:1990im}.
}
\label{fig:DY}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Lepton-induced production of heavy quarks}
The intrinsic heavy-quark ($c$- or $b$-quark) distributions in nucleons
or nuclei
are expected to be very small.
Inelastic heavy-quark production is therefore assumed to
receive its major contributions from photon-gluon fusion,
i.e. the coupling of the exchanged virtual photon
to a heavy quark pair which is attached to a gluon out of the target.
This mechanism is a basic ingredient of the so-called color-singlet model
\cite{Berger:1981ni}.
In this model the cross section for heavy quark pair production
is proportional to the gluon distribution of the target.
A comparison of these cross sections
for nucleons and nuclei can then be directly translated
into a difference of the corresponding gluon distributions.
In this context NMC has analyzed $J/\psi$ production
data from Sn and carbon nuclei \cite{Amaudruz:1992sr}.
The average ratio of the corresponding inelastic $J/\psi$ production cross
sections was found slightly larger than one:
\begin{equation}
\frac{\sigma(\gamma^* + {\T{Sn}} \rightarrow J/\psi + {\T X})}
{\sigma(\gamma^* + {\T{C}} \rightarrow J/\psi + {\T X})}
= 1.13 \pm 0.08.
\end{equation}
Within the color singlet model this implies an
enhancement by about $10\%$ of the gluon distribution in Sn
as compared to carbon in the region $x\sim 0.1$,
though with large errors.
\subsubsection{Neutrino scattering from nuclei}
Deep-inelastic neutrino
scattering permits one to separate valence and sea quark distributions.
It is therefore a promising tool to investigate
modifications of the different components of
quark distributions in nuclei.
The observed nuclear effects in neutrino
experiments are qualitatively similar to
the results from charged lepton scattering discussed previously
\cite{Guy:1987us,Allport:1989vf,Kitagaki:1988wc,Guy:1989iz},
although their statistical significance is poor, given the
large experimental uncertainties.
\subsection{Facts about free nucleon structure functions}
In this section we briefly review the present experimental status
on free nucleon structure functions as measured in deep-inelastic
lepton scattering. We focus on those aspects which are of direct relevance
for our further discussion of nuclear deep-inelastic scattering.
\subsubsection{Spin independent structure functions}
\label{ssec:spin_ind_strfns}
Unpolarized deep-inelastic scattering has been explored in recent
years over a wide kinematic range in fixed target experiments
at CERN, FNAL and SLAC, and at the HERA collider
at DESY.
Reviews can be found e.g. in
Refs.\cite{Cooper-Sarkar:1997jk,Badelek:1996ss,Badelek:1996rmp}.
{\bigskip\noindent \it The proton structure function $F_{2}^{\T p}$}
\bigskip
Accurate $F_2^{\T p}$ data are available from fixed target measurements
at SLAC, at CERN (BCDMS, NMC) and at Fermilab (E665).
They cover the kinematic range $10^{-3} < x < 0.8$ and
$0.2 \,{\T {GeV}}^2 < Q^2 < 260$ GeV$^2$ \cite{Cooper-Sarkar:1997jk}.
Due to experimental constraints fixed target studies at small
$x$ are possible only at low $Q^2$.
For example, in the E665 measurements at Fermilab the smallest
values of the Bjorken variable, $x \simeq 0.8\cdot 10^{-3}$,
are measured
typically at $Q^2 \simeq 0.2$ GeV$^2$ \cite{Adams:1996gu}.
This is different at the HERA collider where
the kinematic range $3 \cdot 10^{-6} < x < 0.5$ and
$0.16 \,{\T {GeV}}^2 < Q^2 < 5000$ GeV$^2$ is explored.
In these experiments the region of small $x$ is accessible
also at large $Q^2$.
The data
\nocite{Aid:1996au,Adloff:1997mf,Derrick:1996ef,Derrick:1996hn,%
Breitweg:1998dz,
Adams:1996gu,Arneodo:1997qe,Whitlow:1990dr,Benvenuti:1989rh}
summarized in Figures \ref{fig:Fpx} and \ref{fig:Fq2}
display several important features
(for references see e.g.
\cite{Cooper-Sarkar:1997jk,Badelek:1996ss,Badelek:1996rmp}):
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/Fpx_99.eps,height=120mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The proton structure function $F_2^{\T p}$ as a function
of $x$ for various $Q^2$.
The data are taken from H1 \cite{Aid:1996au,Adloff:1997mf},
ZEUS \cite{Derrick:1996ef,Derrick:1996hn,Breitweg:1998dz},
E665 \cite{Adams:1996gu},
NMC \cite{Arneodo:1997qe},
SLAC \cite{Whitlow:1990dr},
and BCDMS \cite{Benvenuti:1989rh}.
}
\label{fig:Fpx}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[b]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/Fpq2_99.eps,height=90mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The $Q^2$-dependence of the proton structure
function $F_2^{\T p}$ for $x < 0.1$.
The data are taken from ZEUS \cite{Derrick:1996hn,Breitweg:1998dz},
E665 \cite{Adams:1996gu}, and NMC \cite{Arneodo:1997qe}.
}
\label{fig:Fq2}
\end{figure}
\begin{itemize}
\item [$\bullet$]
At small Bjorken-$x$ ($x\ll 0.1$) but large $Q^2$ a strong increase of
$F_2^{\T p}$ with decreasing $x$ has been found at HERA.
This behavior is commonly interpreted in terms of the dominant
role of gluons at small $x$, the density
of which rises strongly with decreasing $x$.
This increase becomes weaker at low $Q^2$.
Here only a minor $x$-dependence has been observed in
fixed target experiments, which is nevertheless
enhanced at very small $x\ll 0.1$ as recently
explored at HERA \cite{Adloff:1997mf,Breitweg:1998dz}.
Note that a rise of $F_2^{\T p}$ with decreasing $x$ reflects a
growing virtual photon-proton cross section as
the photon-nucleon center-of-mass energy $W=\sqrt{s}$ increases.
For example, at $Q^2 \simeq 100$ GeV$^2$ one observes a characteristic
behavior \cite{Aid:1996au}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:sig_Q2}
\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T p}} \sim \left( W^2\right)^{\Delta},
\quad \mbox{with} \, \Delta \approx 0.3.
\end{equation}
For the real photon-nucleon cross section at high
energies, on the other hand,
one has $\Delta \approx 0.08$ \cite{Donnachie:1992ny}.
The dynamical origin of the observed variation of the energy
dependence of $\sigma_{\gamma^* \T N}$
with $Q^2$ is an important issue of
ongoing investigations
(see for example Refs.\cite{Cooper-Sarkar:1997jk,Badelek:1996ss}).
\medskip
\noindent
Hadron-hadron interaction cross sections have an energy dependence
similar to that observed in photon-nucleon scattering.
It is often parametrized using
Regge phenomenology \cite{Donnachie:1992ny,Collins:1977jy}.
In Regge theory the dependence of cross sections
on the center-of-mass energy is determined by
the $t$-channel exchange of families of particles permitted
by the conservation of all relevant quantum numbers.
Each group of particles is characterized by a
Regge trajectory, $\alpha(t) \approx \alpha(0) + t\, \alpha'$,
which relates their spin with their invariant
mass.
The resulting dependence of hadron-hadron total cross sections on the
squared center-of-mass energy $s$ is:
\begin{equation}\label{eq:tot_regge}
\sigma_{tot} \sim s^{\alpha(0) - 1}.
\end{equation}
The rising hadron-hadron cross sections at high
energies are well described by the so-called pomeron exchange.
It corresponds to multi-gluon exchange with vacuum quantum numbers
and it is characterized by the trajectory
\cite{Donnachie:1992ny,Abe:1994xx}
\begin{equation} \label{eq:apom}
\alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}} (t) \approx \alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}}(0) + t\,\alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}}' \approx
1.08 + t \, 0.26\,\mbox{GeV}^{-2}\,.
\end{equation}
Note that the fast growth of the interaction
cross section (\ref{eq:tot_regge}) with energy
as implied by Eq.(\ref{eq:apom})
cannot persist up to arbitrarily high energies
because of limitations imposed by unitarity.
At asymptotic energies the Froissart bound
does not permit total hadronic cross sections to
rise faster than $(\ln s/s_0)^2$ with some constant scale
$s_0$ \cite{Collins:1977jy}.
\medskip
\noindent
The slow decrease of hadron cross sections at
moderate energies is described by an exchange
made up from a set of reggeons which lie on the approximately
degenerate trajectory \cite{Donnachie:1992ny,Apel:1979sp}
\begin{equation}
\alpha_{_{\rm I\!R}}(t) \approx \alpha_{_{\rm I\!R}} (0) + t \, \alpha_{_{\rm I\!R}}' \approx
0.5 + t \, 0.9 \,\mbox{GeV}^{-2}\,,
\end{equation}
and which carry the quantum numbers of the
$\rho, \omega, a_2$ and $f_2$ mesons, respectively.
At large energies these so-called subleading contributions
are exceeded by pomeron exchange (\ref{eq:apom}).
\medskip
\item[$\bullet$]
At small values of $Q^2$ (i.e. $Q^2 < 1$ GeV$^2$) the structure function
$F_2^{\T p}$ drops.
This is quite natural in view of the fact that
$F_2^{\T p}$ has to vanish linearly with $Q^2$
in the limit $Q^2 \rightarrow 0$ as a consequence
of current conservation (see e.g. \cite{Badelek:1996rmp}).
Bjorken scaling must break down in this
kinematic regime.
In particular, at small $x<0.1$ or large photon energy,
$\nu > 5$ GeV, vector meson dominance is expected
to play an important role.
It describes (virtual) photon-nucleon scattering
via the interaction of vector meson fluctuations
of the photon. The contribution to $F_2^{\T p}$
from the three lightest vector mesons reads
(see e.g. \cite{Bauer:1978iq}):
\begin{equation} \label{eq:VMD}
F_2^{{\T p} (VMD)} (x,Q^2) =
\frac{Q^2}{4 \pi} \sum_{\T V={\rho,\omega,\phi}}
\left(\frac{m_\T V^2}{g_{\T V}}\right)^2
\left(\frac{1}{m_{\T V}^2 + Q^2}\right)^2 \sigma_{\T{Vp}}.
\end{equation}
The sum is taken over
$\rho$, $\omega$, and $\phi$ mesons with their invariant masses $m_\T V$.
The vector meson-proton cross sections are denoted by $\sigma_{\T{Vp}}$.
The vector meson-photon coupling constants $g_{\T V}$ can be
deduced from electron-positron annihilation
into those vector mesons.
One observes that $F_2^{{\T p} (VMD)} \sim Q^2$ at small $Q^2$.
At large $Q^2$, however, the vector meson contribution (\ref{eq:VMD})
vanishes as $1/Q^2$.
Then the scattering from parton constituents in the target
takes over and leads to Bjorken scaling.
\medskip
\item[$\bullet$]
Finally, at large values of $x$ one observes a rapid decrease of
the structure function.
This can be understood within the framework of perturbative QCD.
In the limit $x\rightarrow 1$, a single valence quark struck by the virtual
photon carries all of the nucleon momentum.
The only way for such
a configuration to evolve from a bound state wave
function which is centered around low parton momenta,
is through the exchange of hard gluons. A perturbative
description of this process leads to
$F_2^{{\T p}}(x \rightarrow 1) \sim (1-x)^3$
\cite{Brodsky:1995kg}.
\end{itemize}
\subsubsection{The ratio of longitudinal and transverse cross sections}
Extracting the structure function $F_2$ from lepton
scattering data requires information on the
ratio of the total cross section for
longitudinally and transversely polarized photons,
$R = \frac{\sigma_L}{\sigma_T}$ from Eq.(\ref{eq:R_L_T}).
Previous data from SLAC and CERN cover the
region $0.1 < x < 0.9$ and
$0.6 \,{\T {GeV}}^2< Q^2 < 80 \,{\T {GeV}^2}$ \cite{Whitlow:1990gk}.
In this region $R$ is small.
New data from the NMC collaboration are available for
$0.002 < x < 0.12$ \cite{Arneodo:1997qe}.
A rise of $R$ with decreasing $x$ has been observed
\nocite{Benvenuti:1989rh,Benvenuti:1990fm,Benvenuti:1987zj,%
Berge:1991hr,Arneodo:1997qe}
as shown in Fig.\ref{fig:R_N}.
This behavior can be understood within the framework of
perturbative QCD \cite{Altarelli:1978tq}.
Helicity conservation implies that
a high-$Q^2$ longitudinally polarized photon
cannot be absorbed by a quark moving in longitudinal direction:
a non-zero transverse momentum is necessary for this process to
occur.
In the QCD-improved parton model such transverse quark
momenta result from gluon bremsstrahlung which is important
for low parton momenta, i.e. at small $x$.
Further studies of $R$ in the domain of small $x$ are currently
performed at HERA.
A first analysis gives $R\simeq 0.5$ at $x=2.4\cdot 10^{-4}$ and
$Q^2 = 15$ GeV$^2$ \cite{Adloff:1997yz}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/R_N.eps,height=80mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
The ratio $R=\sigma_L/\sigma_T$ as a function of $x$.
The data are taken from NMC \cite{Arneodo:1997qe},
BCDMS \cite{Benvenuti:1989rh,Benvenuti:1990fm,Benvenuti:1987zj},
and CDHSW \cite{Berge:1991hr}.
}
\label{fig:R_N}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Spin dependent structure functions}
In recent years polarized deep-inelastic scattering experiments
have become a major activity at all high-energy lepton
beam facilities.
They aim primarily at the exploration of the spin structure
of nucleons.
Detailed investigations have been carried out at
CERN (SMC),
SLAC (E142/143/154/155) and DESY (HERMES).
For references see [33 -- 41].
\nocite{Adeva:1998vv,Adeva:1998vw,Abe:1997qk,%
Airapetian:1998wi,Ackerstaff:1997ws,%
Anthony:1999rm,Anthony:1999py,Abe:1997dp,Abe:1997cx}
While the proton spin structure functions
$g_{1}^{\T p}$ and $g_2^{\T p}$ have been measured
directly using hydrogen targets,
neutron structure functions have been extracted
from measurements using deuterons
and $^3\T{He}$ targets
with corrections for nuclear effects.
In the data analysis such corrections have commonly
been done in terms of
effective proton and neutron polarizations obtained
from realistic deuteron and $^3$He wave functions.
They account for the fact that bound nucleons carry orbital
angular momenta. As a consequence their polarization vectors
need not be aligned with the total polarization of the target.
At the present level of accuracy the use of effective
polarizations turns out to
be a reasonable approximation as discussed at length in
Section \ref{sec:Pol_DIS}.
In Fig.\ref{fig:g1} we show a collection of data for $g_1$.
The behavior of the proton, deuteron and neutron
structure functions turns out to be quite different, especially
in the region of small $x$.
This is in contrast to the unpolarized case where proton and neutron
structure functions show a qualitatively similar behavior.
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/g1_better.eps,height=120mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{A compilation of data of the proton, deuteron, and neutron
spin structure functions $g_1$ from
Refs.\cite{Adeva:1998vv,Airapetian:1998wi,Ackerstaff:1997ws,Anthony:1999rm,%
Abe:1997dp,Anthony:1996mw,Abe:1998wq}.
(We thank U. Stoesslein for the preparation of this figure.)
}
\label{fig:g1}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
The moments
\begin{equation}
\label{eq:moments_g1}
\Gamma_1^{\T{p,n}}(Q^2) \equiv \int_0^1 {d} x \,g_1^{\T{p,n}} (x,Q^2)
\end{equation}
of the proton and neutron spin structure functions are of fundamental
importance. They can be decomposed in terms of
proton matrix elements of SU$(3)$ axial currents,
as follows (for a review see e.g. \cite{Anselmino:1995gn,Lampe:1998eu}):
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Gamma_1}
\Gamma_1^{\T{p,n}} = \frac{1}{12}
\left( \frac{4}{3} \Delta q_0 +
\frac{1}{\sqrt{3}} \Delta q_8 \pm \Delta q_3
\right),
\end{equation}
with the axial vector matrix elements:
\begin{equation}
M S_{\mu} \Delta q_a
= \langle P,S | \bar \psi \gamma_{\mu} \gamma_5
\frac{\lambda_a}{2}\,\psi | P,S \rangle,
\end{equation}
where $ \psi = \left(\psi_u,\psi_d,\psi_s\right)$ is the quark field.
Here $\lambda_a$ $(a = 1,\dots ,8)$ denote SU$(3)$ flavor matrices
and the singlet $\lambda_0$ is the $3\times 3$ unit matrix.
In Eq.(\ref{eq:Gamma_1}) and below we suppress QCD corrections
which are currently known up to order $\alpha_s^3$.
Current algebra and isospin symmetry
equate the non-singlet matrix element
$\Delta q_3 = \Delta u - \Delta d$
with the axial vector coupling constant $g_A = 1.26$
measured in neutron $\beta$-decay.
One thus arrives at the fundamental Bjorken sum rule:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Bj-SR}
\Gamma_1^{\T{p}} - \Gamma_1^{\T n} =
\frac{1}{6} \Delta q_3 = \frac{1}{6} g_A .
\end{equation}
Furthermore, assuming SU$(3)$ flavor symmetry,
$\Delta q_8 = (\Delta u + \Delta d - 2 \Delta s)/\sqrt{3}$
is determined by hyperon $\beta$-decays.
The non-singlet matrix elements $\Delta q_{3,8}$
involve conserved currents, hence they are scale independent.
This is different for the singlet term
$\Delta q_0 = \Delta u + \Delta d + \Delta s$
which receives a $Q^2$-dependence through the QCD axial anomaly.
Note that in next-to-leading order both quarks and gluons contribute
to $\Delta q_0$.
However, the detailed separation into quark and gluon parts
depends on the factorization scheme used to separate
perturbative and non-perturbative parts of the spin-dependent
cross section.
An evaluation of the structure function moments
$\Gamma_1^{\T{p,n}}(Q^2)$ from Eq.(\ref{eq:moments_g1})
requires knowledge of $g_1$ in the entire interval $0 \leq x \leq 1$.
Since measurements cover only a limited kinematic range,
data for $g_1$ have to be extrapolated to $x\rightarrow 0$ and
$x\rightarrow 1$.
The large-$x$ extrapolation is not critical since
$g_1$ becomes small and ultimately vanishes as $x\rightarrow 1$.
The situation at small $x$ is, however, not yet well understood
(for a review and references see Ref.\cite{Badelek:1996ss}).
The common approach is to assume Regge behavior
which implies
that $g_1 \sim x^\alpha$ with $0\leq \alpha \leq 0.5$
for $x\rightarrow 0$.
A status review of the analysis
of spin structure functions and their moments
can be found in Refs.\cite{Adeva:1998vw,Abe:1997dp}.
All current studies arrive at the conclusion that
the flavor singlet contribution to the nucleon spin
is small.
At $Q^2 = 1$ GeV$^2$ one finds (in the AB scheme) \cite{Adeva:1998vw}:
\begin{equation}
\Delta q_0 = 0.23 \pm 0.07(\T{stat}) \pm 0.19(\T{sys}).
\end{equation}
This would imply that only
about one third of the
nucleon spin is carried by the quark spins alone.
The missing two thirds probably involve gluon spin contributions and
orbital angular momentum of quark, antiquark and gluon constituents.
Finally we note that the Bjorken sum rule (\ref{eq:Bj-SR}),
with inclusion of QCD corrections, is fulfilled at the $5\%$
level \cite{Adeva:1998vw}.
Measurements of $g_2$ have been performed at
CERN \cite{Adams:1994id} and
SLAC \cite{Abe:1997qk,Abe:1996dc}.
For the neutron case
$^3\T{He}$ \cite{Abe:1997qk} and deuteron \cite{Abe:1996dc}
targets have been used again.
Within large experimental errors the data for $g_2$
are consistent with the twist-$2$ prediction
$g_2(x,Q^2) = \int_x^1 \frac{dy}{y}
\left( 1 - \delta(1 - x/y) \right) g_1(y,Q^2)$
of Ref.\cite{Wandzura:1977qf}.
\subsubsection{Diffraction}
\label{ssec:Diffraction}
A subclass of photon-nucleon processes, namely diffractive
lepto- and photoproduction, plays a prominent role also
in the interaction of real and virtual photons with complex
nuclei at high energies.
We focus here on so-called single diffractive processes.
They are characterized
by the proton emerging intact and well separated
in rapidity from the hadronic state $X$ produced in
the dissociation of the (virtual) photon (see Fig.\ref{fig:diff}):
\begin{equation}
\gamma^{(*)} + {\T p} \rightarrow {\T X} + {\T p}'.
\end{equation}
As in diffractive hadron-hadron collisions such processes
are important at small momentum transfer.
Their cross sections drop exponentially
with the squared four-momentum transfered by the colliding
particles.
Furthermore, they generally exhibit a weak energy dependence.
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/diff_gen.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Diffractive scattering from a nucleon.
}
\label{fig:diff}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\pagebreak
\underline{Diffractive leptoproduction}
\medskip
In deep-inelastic scattering experiments at HERA
approximately $10\%$ of the (virtual) photon-proton cross section
result from diffractive events (for a review see e.g.
\cite{Abramowicz:1998ii}).
Their cross section is parametrized in terms of
two structure functions, analogous to the inclusive case.
One has:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:diff_lepto_cross}
\frac{d \sigma}{dx dQ^2 dx_{_{\rm I\!P}} dt}=
\frac{4\pi\alpha^2}{Q^4}
\left\{\frac{1-y}{x} +
\frac{y^2}{2 x \left[1 + R^{\T {D}(4)}(x,Q^2;x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t) \right]}
\right\}\,F_2^{\T {D}(4)}(x,Q^2;x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t).
\end{equation}
The diffractive structure functions depend on $x$ and $Q^2$, on
the squared momentum transfer $t$ to the proton,
$t = (P-P')^2 = (q - p_{\T X})^2$, and on the variable
\begin{equation}
x_{_{\rm I\!P}} = \frac{(P-P')\cdot q}{P\cdot q} =
\frac{Q^2 + M_{\T X}^2 - t}{Q^2 + W^2 - M^2}
\approx
\frac{Q^2 + M_{\T X}^2}{Q^2 + W^2}.
\end{equation}
Here $M_{\T X}$ is the invariant mass of the diffractively produced
system $\T X$ in the final state.
The diffractive structure function,
conventionally denoted by $F_2^{D(4)}$ indicating its dependence
on four kinematic variables,
is directly related to the diffractive (virtual) photoproduction cross
section.
At small $x$ one finds in analogy with Eq.(\ref{eq:F2_sig}):
\begin{equation}
F_2^{\T {D}(4)}(x,Q^2;x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t) \approx
\frac{Q^2}{4\pi^2\alpha}\,
\frac{d\sigma_{\gamma^* \T p}^{\T diff}}{dx_{_{\rm I\!P}} dt}.
\end{equation}
Most of the data have so far been obtained for the $t$-integrated
structure function
\begin{equation}
F_2^{{ \T D} (3)} (x,Q^2;x_{_{\rm I\!P}}) = \int_{-\infty}^{0} d t \,
F_2^{{\T{D}} (4)} (x,Q^2;x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t).
\end{equation}
Measurements by the H1 \cite{Adloff:1997sc,Ahmed:1995ns} and
ZEUS
\cite{Breitweg:1998gc,Breitweg:1998aa,Derrick:1996ma,Derrick:1995wv} groups
cover the range
$4.5 < Q^2 < 140$ GeV$^{2}$, $2\cdot 10^{-4} < x_{_{\rm I\!P}} <0.04$ and
$0.02 < x/x_{_{\rm I\!P}} <0.9$.
No substantial $Q^2$-dependence of $F_2^{{\T D} (3)}$ has
been found.
Over most of the explored kinematic region, $x_{_{\rm I\!P}} F_2^{{ \T D} (3)}$
is either decreasing or approximately constant
as a function of increasing $x_{_{\rm I\!P}}$.
However at small $x/x_{_{\rm I\!P}}$ there is a
tendency for $x_{_{\rm I\!P}} F_2^{{ \T D} (3)}$ to increase at the highest values of
$x_{_{\rm I\!P}}$.
A typical collection of data is shown in Fig.\ref{fig:xF3D}.
\begin{figure}[b]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\hspace*{-1cm}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/f3d_final.eps,height=45mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
The diffractive structure function
$x_{_{\rm I\!P}} F_2^{D(3)}$ for different values
of $\beta = x_{_{\rm I\!P}}/x$ and ${Q^2} \approx 28$ GeV$^2$.
Data from H1 \cite{Adloff:1997sc} (open squares)
and ZEUS \cite{Breitweg:1998gc} (solid points).
}
\label{fig:xF3D}
\end{figure}
A reasonably successful
description of this behavior has been achieved
within Regge phenomenology which assumes
that the interaction proceeds in two steps:
the emission of a pomeron or subleading reggeon from the
proton, and the subsequent hard scattering of the virtual photon
from the partons in the pomeron or reggeon, respectively.
This picture leads to a factorization of the diffractive
structure function \cite{Ingelman:1993qf}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:F_2D4_regge}
F_2^{{\T{D}}(4)} (x,Q^2;x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t)
= f_{_{\rm I\!P}} (x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t) \,F_2^{^{\rm I\!P}}(x/x_{_{\rm I\!P}}, Q^2)
+ f_{_{\rm I\!R}} (x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t) \,F_2^{^{\rm I\!R}}(x/x_{_{\rm I\!P}}, Q^2),
\end{equation}
where $F_2^{^{\rm I\!P(\rm I\!R)}}$ is
commonly interpreted as the ``structure function'' of
the pomeron (reggeon) and
\begin{equation}
f_{i}(x_{_{\rm I\!P}},t) =
\frac{e^{B_{i} \, t}}
{x_{_{\rm I\!P}}^{2 \alpha_{i} (t)- 1}},
\end{equation}
with $i=\rm I\!P,\rm I\!R$,
denotes the pomeron (reggeon) distribution in the proton.
The H1 analysis \cite{Adloff:1997sc}
gives $\alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}} (0) \approx 1.2$
and $\alpha_{_{\rm I\!R}} (0) \approx 0.5$.
The slope parameters $B_{_{\rm I\!P(\rm I\!R)}}$,
$\alpha_{_{\rm I\!R}}'$ and $\alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}}'$ were taken to reproduce hadron-hadron data.
While $\alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}} (0)$ is found to be slightly
larger than the value obtained from parametrizations of hadronic
cross sections,
$\alpha_{_{\rm I\!R}}(0)$ agrees well with the Regge phenomenology of
hadron--hadron collisions \cite{Donnachie:1992ny} .
In Fig.(\ref{fig:diff_tot}) we show recent ZEUS data
\cite{Breitweg:1998gc} on the ratio of diffractive
and total photon-nucleon cross sections for different
regions of $M_{\T X}$.
The data show a similar energy dependence of both
total and diffractive cross sections.
Furthermore, the observed $Q^2$-dependence of the cross
section ratio for different regions of $M_{\T X}$
suggests that, as $Q^2$ increases,
diffractive states with large mass
become important.
ZEUS measurements \cite{Breitweg:1998aa} have investigated
the $t$-dependence of the diffractive leptoproduction cross section.
In the range $5 < Q^2 < 20$ GeV$^2$ and
$50 < W < 270$ GeV the $t$-dependence of the diffractive virtual
photoproduction cross section is described
for $0.07 < |t| < 0.4$ GeV$^2$ by the exponential form,
$d\sigma_{\gamma^* p}^{diff} /dt \sim e^{B\, t}$,
with $B \approx 7$ GeV$^2$.
This value is compatible with results from
high-energy hadron-hadron scattering
(see e.g. \cite{Goulianos:1995wy}).
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/diff_tot2.eps,height=130mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
ZEUS data \cite{Breitweg:1998gc} for the ratio of diffractive
and total photon-nucleon cross sections.
The diffractive production cross section has been integrated over
different intervals of $M_{\T X}$.
}
\label{fig:diff_tot}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\bigskip
\underline{Diffractive photoproduction}
\label{ssec:Diffractive_photoproduction}
\medskip
Diffractive dissociation of real photons,
$\gamma + {\T N} \rightarrow {\T X} + {\T N}$, has been
explored with fixed target and collider experiments.
At FNAL \cite{Chapin:1985} photon-proton center of mass
energies up to $W \simeq 15$ GeV were used to produce
diffractive states with an invariant mass up to
$M_{\T X} \simeq 5$ GeV.
Recent experiments at HERA
\cite{Breitweg:1997eh,Breitweg:1997za,Adloff:1997mi,Aid:1995bz,Derrick:1994dt}
were carried out at $W \simeq 200$ GeV and $M_{\T X} < 30$ GeV.
The diffractive cross section amounts to
approximately $20\%$ of the total
photon-proton cross section.
Around half of these events come from the production of
the light vector mesons $\rho,\omega$ and $\phi$.
This is contrary to diffractive leptoproduction
at large $Q^2$ where
vector meson contributions are suppressed roughly as
$1/Q^4$ \cite{Crittenden:1997yz}.
At sufficiently large mass $M_{\T X}$
of the diffractively produced system $\T X$,
the measured cross sections
drop approximately as $1/M_{\T X}^2$, as shown in Fig.\ref{fig:diff_ph}.
This is in accordance with Regge phenomenology.
In the limit
$W^2/M_{\T X}^2 \rightarrow \infty$ with
$M_{\T X}^2 \rightarrow \infty$ only pomeron
exchange is important and leads to \cite{Goulianos:1983vk}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:DD_MX}
\frac{d \sigma_{\gamma \T N}^{diff}}{d M_{\T X}^2 dt} \sim
\frac{W^{4(\alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}}(0)-1)}}{M_{\T X}^{2 \alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}} (0)}} \,
\exp\left[
t \cdot \left(
{B + 2 \alpha_{_{\rm I\!P}}' \ln\left(\frac{W^2}{M_{\T X}^2}\right)}\right)\right],
\end{equation}
with a slope parameter $B$.
Equation (\ref{eq:DD_MX}) implies
that at energies $W = (15 - 30)$ GeV typical
for fixed target experiments at CERN and FNAL,
the relative amount of diffraction in deep-inelastic scattering
is reduced to $(10 - 15)\%$ \cite{Piller:1998cy}.
Observed deviations from the simple behavior (\ref{eq:DD_MX})
have been associated with contributions involving subleading Regge
trajectories \cite{Breitweg:1997za,Adloff:1997mi}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/diffph.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
Differential cross section for
diffractive photoproduction off nucleons
from FNAL \cite{Chapin:1985} and H1 \cite{Adloff:1997mi}
for different center of mass energies $W$.
The curves corresponds to a Regge fit \cite{Adloff:1997mi}.
}
\label{fig:diff_ph}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\section{Deep-inelastic scattering from nuclear systems}
\setcounter{section}{3}
\setcounter{figure}{0}
\subsection{Introduction and motivation}
We now enter into the central topic of this review:
an exploration of new phenomena specific to deep-inelastic
lepton scattering from {\it nuclear} (rather than free nucleon)
targets.
Nuclei represent systems with a natural, built-in length scale.
The baryon density in the center of a typical heavy nucleus is
$\rho_0 \simeq 0.15$ fm$^{-3}$.
The average distance between two nucleons at this density is
\begin{equation} \label{eq:average_NN_distance}
d \simeq 1.9 \,{\T{fm}}.
\end{equation}
The nucleons have a momentum distribution
characterized by their Fermi momentum,
\begin{equation}
p_F = \left(\frac{3 \pi^2}{2}\,\rho_0\right)^{1/3}
\simeq 1.3\,\T{fm}^{-1} \simeq 0.26\,\T{GeV}.
\end{equation}
A high energy virtual photon which scatters from this system
can expect to see two sorts of genuine nuclear effects:
\begin{enumerate}
\item[i)]
Incoherent scattering from $A$ nucleons, but with their structure functions
modified in the presence of the nuclear medium. Such modifications
are expected to arise, for example, from the mean field that a
nucleon experiences in the presence of other nucleons, and from its
Fermi motion inside the nucleus;
\medskip
\item[ii)]
Coherent scattering processes involving more than
one nucleon at a time. Such effects can occur when hadronic
excitations (or fluctuations) produced by the
high energy photon propagate over distances (in the laboratory frame)
which are comparable to or larger than the characteristic length
scale $d\sim 2$ fm of Eq.(\ref{eq:average_NN_distance}).
A typical example of a coherence effect is shadowing.
\end{enumerate}
It turns out, as we will demonstrate, that incoherent scattering
takes place primarily in the range $0.1 < x < 1$ of the Bjorken variable.
Strong coherence effects are observed at $x<0.1$.
Cooperative phenomena in which several nucleons participate can also
occur at $x>1$.
(In fact, the Bjorken variable can extend, in principle, up to
$x\leq A$ in a nucleus with $A$ nucleons.)
The aim of this section is to prepare the facts and
phenomenology of nuclear DIS. An important
subtopic in this context deals with the deuteron.
While this is not a typical nucleus, it serves two purposes:
first, as a convenient neutron target, and secondly, as the simplest
prototype system in which coherence effects, involving proton and neutron
simultaneously, can be investigated quite accurately. For this
purpose we need to introduce the hadronic tensor and structure
functions for spin-$1$ targets as well.
Once the nuclear structure functions are at hand we
will present a survey of nuclear DIS data and give first, qualitative
interpretations.
The more detailed understanding is then developed in subsequent
sections.
\subsection{Nuclear structure functions}
\label{ssec:nucl_str_fns}
The deep-inelastic scattering cross sections for
free nucleons and nuclei have basically the same form
as given by Eq.(\ref{eq:crossDIS}).
All information about the target and its response to the
interaction is included in the corresponding hadronic tensor.
For nuclei with spin $1/2$ the hadronic tensor formally
coincides with the one for free nucleons
given in
Eqs.(\ref{eq:hadronic_tensor},%
\ref{eq:hadronic_tensor_sym},\ref{eq:hadronic_tensor_asym}).
In this case nuclei are characterized by four structure functions,
$F_{1,2}^{\T A}$ and $g_{1,2}^{\T A}$.
For spin-$0$ targets, only the symmetric
tensor (\ref{eq:hadronic_tensor_sym}) with the structure
functions $F_{1,2}^{\T A}$ is present.
In the case of spin-$1$ targets
the situation is more complex.
Here the hadronic tensor is composed of eight
independent structure functions
\cite{Hoodbhoy:1989am,Sather:1990bq}:\footnote{
We omit terms proportional to $q_{\mu}$ or $q_{\nu}$ which
do not contribute to the cross section (\ref{eq:crossDIS}) due to
electromagnetic gauge invariance.}
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:hadten_A}
M_{\T A}\,W^{\T A}_{\mu\nu} &=&
- g_{\mu\nu} \,F_1^{\T A} + \frac{P_{\mu}P_{\nu}}{P\cdot q}\,F_2^{\T A}
+i\frac{M_{\T A}}{P\cdot q}\,\varepsilon_{\mu\nu\alpha\beta}
\,q^{\alpha}
\left( S^{\beta}\,(g_1^{\T A} + g_2^{\T A})
- \frac{S\cdot q}{P\cdot q} \,P^{\beta}\,g_2^{\T A}
\right)
\nonumber \\
&+&
r_{\mu\nu} \,b_1^{\T A} + s_{\mu\nu} \,b_2^{\T A}
+ t_{\mu\nu}\, \Delta^{\T A} + u_{\mu\nu}\, b_3^{\T A},
\end{eqnarray}
with the Lorentz tensors:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:W1_tensors}
r_{\mu\nu} &=& - g_{\mu\nu}
\left(\frac{M_{\T A}^2}{\kappa_{\T A} (P\cdot q)^2} \,q\cdot {\cal E}
\,q\cdot {\cal E}^* - \frac{1}{3}\right),
\\
s_{\mu\nu} &=& \frac{P_{\mu}P_{\nu}}{P\cdot q}
\left(\frac{M_{\T A}^2}{\kappa_{\T A} (P\cdot q)^2} \,q\cdot {\cal E}
\,q\cdot {\cal E}^* - \frac{1}{3}\right),
\nonumber \\
t_{\mu\nu} &=&
\frac{1}{2} \left\{
\left(-g_{\mu\nu} +
\frac{2x_{\T A}}{\kappa_{\T A}\,P\cdot q} P_{\mu}P_{\nu} \right)
\left(\frac{M_{\T A}^2}{\kappa_{\T A}\,(P\cdot q)^2} \,q\cdot {\cal E}
\,q\cdot {\cal E}^* - 1\right)
\right.\nonumber\\
&+&
\left.
\left[
\left({\cal E}_{\mu} - \frac{q\cdot {\cal E}}{\kappa_{\T A} \,P\cdot q}
P_{\mu}\right)
\left({\cal E}^*_{\nu} -
\frac{q\cdot {\cal E}^*}{\kappa_{\T A} \,P\cdot q}P_{\nu}\right)
+ (\mu\leftrightarrow \nu)
\right]
\right\},
\nonumber\\
u_{\mu\nu} &=&
\frac{\kappa_{\T A}-1}{\sqrt{\kappa_{\T A}}\,P\cdot q}
\left[P_{\mu} \,q\cdot {\cal E}^* \left({\cal E}_{\nu} -
\frac{q\cdot {\cal E}}{\kappa_{\T A} \,P\cdot q} P_{\nu} \right)
+ P_{\mu} \,q\cdot {\cal E}
\left({\cal E}^*_{\nu} -
\frac{q\cdot {\cal E}^*}{\kappa_{\T A}\, P\cdot q} P_{\nu}\right)
+ (\mu\leftrightarrow \nu)
\right].
\nonumber
\end{eqnarray}
The tensors (\ref{eq:W1_tensors}) are functions of the photon and target
four-momenta
$q^{\mu}$ and $P^{\mu}$, the target polarization vector ${\cal E}$,
and the spin vector $S_{\alpha}
= -i \varepsilon_{\alpha\beta\gamma\delta}
\,{\cal E}^{\beta *}\,{\cal E}^{\gamma} P^{\delta}/M_{\T A}$.
Furthermore we have used the notation
$\kappa_{\T A}=1+{M_{\T A}^2Q^2}/{(P\cdot q)^2}$ where $M_{\T A}$
denotes the nuclear mass.
The nuclear structure functions in Eq.(\ref{eq:hadten_A})
depend on the Bjorken scaling variable of the
target, $x_{\T A} = Q^2/2 P\cdot q$ with $0\leq x_{\T A}\leq 1$,
and on the momentum transfer $Q^2$.
Note however that these functions
are frequently expressed
in terms of the Bjorken variable of the free nucleon
which is $x=Q^2/2 M \nu = x_{\T A} M_{\T A}/M $ in the lab frame,
and which can extend over the interval $0 \leq x \leq M_{\T A}/M \simeq A$.
The first four structure functions in Eq.(\ref{eq:hadten_A})
are proportional to Lorentz structures
already present in the case of free nucleons
(\ref{eq:hadronic_tensor}) or spin-$1/2$ nuclei.
The new structure functions can be measured in the scattering of
unpolarized leptons from polarized targets.
By analogy with the Callan-Gross relation (\ref{eq:F2_parton})
one finds $b_2^{\T A} = 2 x_{\T A} b_1^{\T A}$ in the scaling limit.
The deuteron structure function $b_1^{\T d}$
is subject of investigations at HERMES \cite{Jackson94}.
For spin-$1/2$ nuclei the relations between nuclear structure
functions and photon-nucleus helicity amplitudes
${\cal A}^{\gamma^* {\T A}}_{hH,h'H'}$
are analogous to the ones for free nucleons in
Eqs.(\ref{f1helamp}--\ref{eq:g2_helicity}).
For spin-$1$ targets with helicity $H,H'=+,-,0$ one obtains
\cite{Hoodbhoy:1989am,Sather:1990bq,Edelmann:1997ik}:
\begin{eqnarray}
F_1^{\T A} &=& \frac{1}{6\pi e^2}
\left(
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^* {\T A}}_{++,++} +
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^* {\T A}}_{+-,+-}
+
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^* {\T A}}_{+0,+0}
\right),
\\
F_2^{\T A} &=& \frac{x_{\T A}}{3\pi e^2\kappa_{\T A}}
\left(
\!{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A} }_{++,++} \!+\!
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+-,+-} +
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+0,+0}
+ 2 \,{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{0+,0+} +
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{00,00}
\right)\!,
\\
\label{eq:g1A_hel}
g_1^{\T A} &=& \frac{1}{4\pi e^2\kappa_{\T A}}
\left(
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+-,+-} -
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{++,++}
+ \sqrt{\kappa_{\T A}-1}({\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+0,0+} +
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+-,00}) \right),
\\
g_2^{\T A} &=& \frac{1}{4\pi e^2\kappa_{\T A}}
\left(
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{++,++} -
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+-,+-}
+ \frac{1}{\sqrt{\kappa_{\T A}-1}}
({\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+0,0+} +
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+-,00})
\right),
\\
\label{eq:b1_hel}
b_1^{\T A} &=& -\frac{1}{4\pi e^2}
\left(
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{++,++} +
{\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+-,+-} -
2 {\T {Im}}\,{\cal A}^{\gamma^*{\T A}}_{+0,+0}
\right).
\end{eqnarray}
Corresponding relations for the remaining structure functions
can be found for example in Ref.\cite{Sather:1990bq,Edelmann:1997ik}.
\section{Structure functions of free nucleons}
\subsection{Deep-inelastic scattering: kinematics and structure functions}
Consider the scattering of an electron or muon with four-momentum
$k^{\mu}=(E, \vec k)$ and invariant mass $m$ from
a nucleon carrying the four-momentum
$P^{\mu} = (E_{\T p},\vec P)$ and
mass $M$.
Inclusive measurements observe only the scattered lepton with momentum
${k'}^{\mu} = (E',\vec k')$ as indicated in Fig.\ref{fig:Feynman_DIS}.
\begin{figure}[h]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/dis_gen.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Inclusive deep-inelastic lepton-nucleon scattering.}
\label{fig:Feynman_DIS}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Neglecting weak interactions which are relevant at very high
energies only, the differential cross section is
given by:\footnote{For introductions to deep-inelastic lepton scattering
see e.g. Refs.\cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}.}
\begin{equation} \label{eq:crossDIS}
\frac{d^2\sigma}{d\Omega d E'}
=
\frac{\alpha^2}{Q^4} \frac{E'}{E}
L_{\mu\nu} W^{\mu\nu},
\end{equation}
to leading order in the electromagnetic coupling constant
$\alpha = e^2/4\pi \simeq 1/137$.
Here
\begin{equation}
q^{\mu}=k^{\mu}-{k'}^{\mu} = (\nu,\vec q)
\end{equation}
is the four-momentum of the exchanged virtual photon,
and $Q^2 = - q^2$.
The lepton-photon interaction is described by the lepton tensor
$L_{\mu\nu}$.
Let the spin projections of the initial and final lepton be
$s$ and $s'$.
After summing over $s'$ the lepton tensor
can be split into pieces which are symmetric and antisymmetric
with respect to the Lorentz indices $\mu$ and $\nu$:
\begin{equation}
L_{\mu\nu}(k,s;k') = L_{\mu\nu}^S(k;k') + i \,L_{\mu\nu}^{A}(k,s;k'),
\end{equation}
with:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:lepton_tensor_s_as}
&&L_{\mu\nu}^S (k;k') \, = \,
2 \left(k_{\mu} k'_{\nu} + k_{\nu} k'_{\mu} \right)
+ g_{\mu\nu} \,q^2,
\\
&&L_{\mu\nu}^A(k,s;k')\, = \,2 \,m \,\epsilon_{\mu\nu\alpha\beta} \,
s^{\alpha} \,q^{\beta},
\end{eqnarray}
where the lepton spin vector is defined by
$2 m \,s^{\alpha} = \bar u \gamma^{\alpha} \gamma_5 u$.
For unpolarized lepton scattering the average over the
initial lepton polarization is carried out.
In this case only the symmetric term, $L_{\mu\nu}^S$,
remains.
The complete information about the target response
is in the hadronic tensor $W_{\mu\nu}$.
We denote the nucleon spin by $S$.
Gauge invariance and symmetry properties allow a
parametrization of the hadronic tensor,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:hadronic_tensor}
W_{\mu\nu}(q;P,S) = W_{\mu\nu}^S(q;P) + i \,W_{\mu\nu}^A(q;P,S),
\end{equation}
in terms of four structure functions.
The symmetric part is
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:hadronic_tensor_sym}
W_{\mu\nu}^S(q;P) &=& \left( \frac{q_{\mu}q_{\nu}}{q^2} - g_{\mu\nu} \right)
W_1(P\cdot q,q^2)
\nonumber \\
&+&
\left(P_{\mu} - \frac{P\cdot q}{q^2}q_{\mu}\right)
\left(P_{\nu} - \frac{P\cdot q}{q^2}q_{\nu}\right)
\frac{W_2(P\cdot q,q^2)}{M^2},
\end{eqnarray}
and the antisymmetric part can be written
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:hadronic_tensor_asym}
W_{\mu\nu}^A(q;P,S) &=& \epsilon_{\mu\nu\alpha\beta} \,q^{\alpha}
\left[
S^{\beta} M G_1(P\cdot q,q^2) +
\left( P\cdot q \,S^{\beta} - S\cdot q \, P^{\beta} \right)
\frac{G_2(P\cdot q,q^2)}{M}\right]. \nonumber \\
\end{eqnarray}
Here the nucleon spin vector $S^{\mu}$, with
$2 M S^{\mu} = \overline U(P,S)\, \gamma^{\mu} \gamma_5 \,U(P,S)$,
has been introduced.
In the conventions used in this paper nucleon Dirac spinors $U$
are normalized according to $\bar U(P) \gamma^{\mu} U(P) = 2 P^{\mu}$.
It is evident that $W_{1,2}$ can be
measured in unpolarized scattering processes, whereas the complete
investigation of $G_{1,2}$ requires both
beam and target to be polarized.
It is convenient to introduce dimensionless structure functions
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:F1_F2}
F_1(x,Q^2) &=& M \,W_1(P\cdot q,q^2),
\\
F_2(x,Q^2) &=& \frac{P\cdot q}{M}\, W_2(P\cdot q,q^2),
\end{eqnarray}
which depend on the Bjorken scaling variable,
\begin{equation}
x = \frac{Q^2}{2 P\cdot q}.
\end{equation}
In terms of $F_{1,2}$ the charged lepton scattering
cross section (\ref{eq:crossDIS}) for an unpolarized lepton and
nucleon is:
\begin{equation}
\frac{d^2\sigma}{dx \,dQ^2} =
\frac{4 \pi \alpha^2}{Q^4}
\left[
\left(1-y-\frac{M xy}{2 E}\right) \frac{F_2}{x}
+ y^2 F_1\right],
\end{equation}
with
\begin{equation}
y = \frac{P\cdot q}{P\cdot k}.
\end{equation}
Let us recall the behavior of the structure functions in
the Bjorken limit, i.e. at large momentum and
energy transfers,
\begin{equation}
Q^2 = - q^2\rightarrow \infty, \quad P\cdot q \rightarrow \infty,
\end{equation}
but fixed ratio $Q^2/P\cdot q$.
Here the unpolarized structure functions
\begin{eqnarray}
&F_1(x,Q^2) &\stackrel{Q^2\rightarrow \infty}{\relbar\joinrel\relbar\joinrel\longrightarrow} F_1(x),
\\
&F_2(x,Q^2) &\stackrel{Q^2\rightarrow \infty}{\relbar\joinrel\relbar\joinrel\longrightarrow} F_2(x)
\end{eqnarray}
are observed to depend in good approximation only on the dimensionless
Bjorken scaling variable $x$.
Variations of the structure functions with $Q^2$ at
fixed $x$ turn out to be small.
A similar scaling behavior is expected for the spin-dependent
structure functions:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:g1_g2}
g_1(x,Q^2) &=& M P\cdot q \,G_1(P\cdot q,q^2),\\
g_2(x,Q^2) &=& \frac{(P\cdot q)^2}{M} \,G_2(P\cdot q,q^2),
\end{eqnarray}
which likewise reduce to functions of $x$ only when
the limit $Q^2 \rightarrow \infty$ is taken.
\subsection{Parton model}
The approximate $Q^2$-independence of nucleon structure functions
at large $Q^2$ has led to the conclusion that
the virtual photon sees point-like constituents in the nucleon.
This is the basis of the naive parton model
which gives a simple interpretation of nucleon structure functions.
In this picture the nucleon is composed of free pointlike
constituents, the partons, identified with quarks and gluons.
Introducing distributions $q_f(x)$ and $\bar q_f(x)$ of
quarks and antiquarks with flavor $f$ and fractional electric charge
$e_f$, one finds:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:F12_parton}
F_1(x) &=& \frac{1}{2}\sum_f e_f^2 \left( q_f(x) + \bar q_f(x) \right),
\\
\label{eq:F2_parton}
F_2(x) &=& 2 x \, F_1(x).
\end{eqnarray}
The Bjorken variable $x$ coincides with the
fraction of the target light-cone momentum carried by
the interacting quark with momentum $l$:
\begin{equation}
x=\frac{Q^2}{2 P\cdot q} = \frac{l\cdot q}{P\cdot q}.
\end{equation}
The Callan-Gross relation (\ref{eq:F2_parton})
connecting $F_1$ and $F_2$ reflects
the spin-$1/2$ nature of the quarks.
For the spin structure functions the naive parton model gives:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:g12_parton}
g_1(x) &=& \frac{1}{2}\sum_f e_f^2 \left[ \Delta q_f(x) +
\Delta \bar q_f(x) \right],\\
g_2(x) &=& 0.
\end{eqnarray}
The helicity distributions
$\Delta q_f(x) = q_f^{\uparrow}(x) - q_f^{\downarrow}(x)$
and
$\Delta \bar q_f(x) = \bar q_f^{\uparrow}(x) - \bar q_f^{\downarrow}(x)$
involve the differences of quark or antiquark distributions
with helicities parallel and
antiparallel with respect to the helicity of the target nucleon.
\subsection{Virtual Compton scattering}
The hadronic tensor (\ref{eq:hadronic_tensor}) can be expressed
as the Fourier transform of a correlation function of
electromagnetic currents,
with its expectation value taken for the nucleon ground state
$|P,S\rangle$ normalized as
$\langle P',S'|P,S\rangle = 2 E_{\T p} \,(2\pi)^3 \,\delta^3(\vec P - \vec P')
\,\delta_{SS'}$ \cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:WJJ}
W_{\mu\nu} (q;P,S) = \frac{1}{4\pi\,M}
\int {d}^4 z \,e^{i q\cdot z} \,
\langle P,S| J_{\mu}(z) J_{\nu}(0)|P,S \rangle .
\end{equation}
It is related to the forward virtual Compton scattering amplitude:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:TJJ}
T_{\mu\nu} (q;P,S) = i
\int {d}^4 z \,e^{i q\cdot z} \,
\langle P,S |{\cal T}\left(J_{\mu}(z) J_{\nu}(0)\right)|P,S \rangle,
\end{equation}
where ${\cal T}$ denotes the time-ordered product.
By comparison of Eqs.(\ref{eq:WJJ}) and (\ref{eq:TJJ}) one finds
the optical theorem:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Opt}
2 \pi M\,W_{\mu\nu} = {\T {Im}}\,T_{\mu\nu}.
\end{equation}
Consequently, nucleon structure functions can be represented
in terms of virtual photon-nucleon helicity amplitudes,
\begin{equation}
{\cal A}_{h H,h'H'} =
e^2 \epsilon^{\mu *}_{h'} T_{\mu\nu}(H,H') \,\epsilon_{h}^{\nu}.
\end{equation}
Here $\epsilon_{h}$ and $\epsilon_{h'}$ are the polarization vectors
of the incoming and scattered photon with helicities
$h$ and $h'$, respectively.
They have values $+1,-1, 0$ (abbreviated as $ +,-,0$).
Helicities of the initial and final nucleon are denoted
by $H$ and $H'$.
Their values are $\pm 1$, symbolically denoted by $\uparrow, \downarrow$.
Choosing the $z$-axis in space to coincide with $\vec q/|\vec q|$,
the direction of the propagating virtual photon,
and quantizing the angular momentum of the target and photon along
this axis yields the following relations:
\begin{center}
\begin{eqnarray}
F_1&=&\frac{1}{4\pi e^2}
\left({\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\downarrow,+\downarrow}+
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\uparrow,+\uparrow}
\right),\label{f1helamp}\\
F_2&=&
\frac{x}{2 \pi e^2 \kappa}
\left({\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\downarrow,+\downarrow}+
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\uparrow,+\uparrow}
+ 2 \,{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{0\uparrow,0\uparrow}\right),
\end{eqnarray}\end{center}
where $\kappa = 1 + (2 M x/Q)^2$.
For the spin-dependent structure functions one finds:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:g1_helicity}
g_1 &=&\frac{1}{4\pi e^2 \kappa}
\left({\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+ \downarrow,+ \downarrow}-
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\uparrow,+ \uparrow}+\sqrt{2(\kappa-1)} \,
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\downarrow,0\uparrow}\right),
\\
\label{eq:g2_helicity}
g_2 &=&\frac{1}{4\pi e^2\kappa}
\left({\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+ \uparrow,+ \uparrow}-
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\downarrow,+\downarrow}
+ \frac{2}{\sqrt{2(\kappa-1)}} \,
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{+\downarrow,0\uparrow}
\right).
\end{eqnarray}
In the scaling limit the structure functions $F_1$, $F_2$ and
$g_1$ are determined by helicity conserving amplitudes.
It is therefore possible to express them through
virtual photon-nucleon cross sections defined as:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:sigma_hH}
\sigma_{h H} = \frac{1}{2 M K}
{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{hH,hH},
\end{equation}
with the virtual photon flux $K= (2 P\cdot q - Q^2)/2M$.
For example, the structure function $F_2$ reads:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:F2_sig}
F_2 = \frac{1-x}{1 + (2 M x/Q)^2} \frac{Q^2}{4 \pi^2 \alpha}
\left( \sigma_L + \sigma_T \right),
\end{equation}
where the longitudinal and transverse photon-nucleon cross sections
$\sigma_{L,T}(\nu,Q^2)$ are given by:
\begin{eqnarray}
\sigma_L &=&
\frac{1}{2}\left(
\sigma_{0 \uparrow} + \sigma_{0\downarrow}
\right),
\\
\sigma_T &=&
\frac{1}{4}
\left(
\sigma_{+\uparrow} + \sigma_{+\downarrow} +
\sigma_{-\uparrow} + \sigma_{-\downarrow} \right).
\end{eqnarray}
An interesting quantity is their ratio:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:R_L_T}
R = \frac{\sigma_L}{\sigma_T} =
\frac{F_2 ( 1 + (2 M x/Q)^2)} {2x F_1} - 1.
\end{equation}
In the simple parton model the Callan-Gross relation
(\ref{eq:F2_parton}) implies $R=0$ as $Q^2\rightarrow \infty$.
Due to their interaction with gluons, quarks receive
momentum components transverse to the photon direction.
Then they can absorb also longitudinally polarized photons.
This leads to $R\ne 0$.
\subsection{QCD-improved parton model}
\label{ssec:AP_eq}
Nucleon structure functions systematically exhibit a weak
$Q^2$-dependence, even at large $Q^2$.
These scaling violations can be described within the framework
of the QCD-improved parton model
which incorporates the interaction between quarks and gluons in
the nucleon in a perturbative way
(see e.g. \cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}).
The scale at which this interaction is resolved is determined
by the momentum transfer.
The $Q^2$-dependence of parton distributions, e.g.
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:parton_QCD}
F_2(x,Q^2) &=& \sum_f e_f^2 \,x\,\left[ q_f(x,Q^2) + \bar q_f(x,Q^2) \right],
\\
g_1(x,Q^2) &=& \frac{1}{2}\sum_f e_f^2 \left[ \Delta q_f(x,Q^2) +
\Delta \bar q_f(x,Q^2) \right],
\end{eqnarray}
is described
by the Dokshitzer-Gribov-Lipatov-Altarelli-Parisi (DGLAP) evolution equations.
They are different for flavor non-singlet and
singlet distribution functions.
Typical examples of non-singlet combinations are the difference of quark
and antiquark distribution functions, or the difference of up and down
quark distributions.
The difference of the proton and neutron structure function,
$F_2^{\T p} - F_2^{\T n}$, also behaves as a flavor non-singlet,
whereas the deuteron structure function $F_2^{\T d}$
is an almost pure flavor singlet combination.
For the flavor non-singlet quark distribution,
$q^{\T{NS}}$, and the flavor-singlet quark and gluon
distributions, $q^{\T{S}}$ and $g$, the DGLAP evolution equations read
as follows:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:DGLAP}
\frac{{d}q^{\T{NS}}(x,Q^2)}{{d} \ln Q^2}
&=&
\frac{\alpha_s(Q^2)}{2\pi}\int_x^1\frac{{d} y}{y}
q^{\T{NS}}(y,Q^2) P_{qq}\left(\frac{x}{y}\right),
\\
\label{eq:DGLAP_s}
\frac{d}{{d}\ln Q^2}
\left( \begin{array}{c} q^{\T S}(x,Q^2) \\ g(x,Q^2) \end{array} \right)
&=& \frac{\alpha_s(Q^2)}{2\pi}\int_x^1\frac{{d}y}{y}
\left( \begin{array}{rr}
P_{qq}(\frac{x}{y}) & P_{qg}(\frac{x}{y}) \\
P_{gq}(\frac{x}{y}) & P_{gg}(\frac{x}{y}) \end{array} \right)
\left( \begin{array}{c} q^{\T S}(y,Q^2) \\ g(y,Q^2) \end{array} \right).
\end{eqnarray}
Here $\alpha_s(Q^2)$ is the running QCD coupling strength.
The splitting function $P_{qq}(x/y)$ determines the probability
for a quark to radiate a gluon such that the quark momentum
is reduced by a fraction $x/y$.
Similar interpretations hold for the remaining splitting functions.
For further details we refer the reader to one of the many textbooks
on applications of QCD,
e.g. \cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}.
\subsection{Light-cone dominance of deep-inelastic scattering}
\label{ssec:OPE}
The QCD analysis of deep-inelastic scattering has generated its own
terminology and specialized jargon.
In this section we summarize some of the basic notions.
The general framework is Wilson's operator product expansion
applied to the current-current correlation function.
A detailed investigation reveals that the
hadronic tensor
\begin{equation}
2 \pi\,M\,W_{\mu\nu} = {\T {Im}}\left[\, i
\int {d}^4z \, e^{i q\cdot z}
\left \langle P \right| {\cal T}\left( J_{\mu}(z) J_{\nu}(0)\right)
\left|P\right\rangle\right],
\end{equation}
at $Q^2\rightarrow \infty$ but fixed Bjorken $x$, is dominated
by contributions from near the light-cone, $z^2 = t^2 - \vec z^2
\simeq 0$ \cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}.
The operator product expansion makes use of this fact
by expanding the time-ordered product of currents
around the singularity at $z^2 = 0$:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:OPE1}
{\cal T}\left(J (z) J (0)\right) \sim \sum_{n=0}^{\infty}
c^{\cal O}_n(z^2;\mu^2) \,z^{\mu_1}\cdots z^{\mu_n}\,
{\cal O}_{\mu_1\cdots \mu_n}(\mu^2),
\end{equation}
where the ${\cal O}_{\mu_1\cdots \mu_n}$ are local operators
involving quark and gluon fields.
The coefficient functions $c_n$ are singular at $z^2 = 0$.
They are grouped according to the order of their singularity.
Both the operators ${\cal O}$ and the c-number coefficient
functions $c_n$ depend on the renormalization point $\mu^2$.
The operators ${\cal O}$ can be organized according to the
irreducible representation of the Lorentz group to
which they belong.
Each operator has a characteristic dimensionality, $d$,
in powers of mass or momentum.
For example, the symmetric traceless Lorentz tensors of
rank $n$ with minimum dimensionality are the operators
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:op_quark}
{\cal O}_{\mu_1\cdots \mu_n}^q &=&
\left\{
\overline{\psi} \gamma_{\mu_1} i D_{\mu_2} \cdots i D_{\mu_n} \psi
\right\}_{\cal S},
\\
\label{eq:op_glue}
{\cal O}_{\mu_1\cdots \mu_n}^g &=&
\left\{
G_{\mu_1\nu} i D_{\mu_2} \cdots i D_{\mu_{n-1}} G_{\mu_n}^{\nu}
\right \}_{\cal S},
\end{eqnarray}
local bilinears in the quark field $\psi$ and the gluon
field tensor $G_{\mu\nu}$,
with any number of gauge-covariant derivatives
$D_\mu$ inserted between them.
The brackets $\{\}_{\cal S}$ indicate symmetrization
with respect to Lorentz indices and subtraction of
trace terms.
The operators ${\cal O}^q$ and ${\cal O}^g$
have dimensionality $d = 3 + (n-1) = 4 + (n-2) = 2 + n$.
The difference $\tau = d-n$ is called ``twist''
($\tau = 2$ in our example), a useful bookkeeping device to
classify the light-cone ($z^2 \rightarrow 0$) singularity of
the coefficient function $c_n$.
Comparing dimensions in Eq.(\ref{eq:OPE1}) one finds that,
for each given operator on the right-hand side,
the coefficient behaves as $c_n \sim (1/z^2)^{(2 d_J - \tau )/2}$
when $z^2 \rightarrow 0$, where $d_J = 3$ is the dimensionality of each
of the currents on the left-hand side of Eq.(\ref{eq:OPE1}).
Matrix elements of the operators $\cal O$ between nucleon states
are of genuinely non-perturbative origin. For
spin-averaged quantities they must be of the form
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:reduced1}
\langle P|{\cal O}_{\mu_1\cdots \mu_n}^q (\mu^2)|P\rangle
&=& a^q_n(\mu^2)
P_{\mu_1} \cdots P_{\mu_n},
\\
\label{eq:reduced2}
\langle P|{\cal O}_{\mu_1 \cdots \mu_n}^g (\mu^2)|P\rangle
&=& a^g_n(\mu^2)
P_{\mu_1} \cdots P_{\mu_n},
\end{eqnarray}
since Lorentz-covariant tensorial functions of the nucleon
four-momentum $P^{\mu}$, with $P^2 = M^2$ fixed,
are proportional to the symmetric tensors
$P_{\mu_1} \cdots P_{\mu_n}$.
Trace terms have been subtracted in Eqs.(\ref{eq:reduced1},\ref{eq:reduced2}).
The constants $a_n^q$ and $a_n^g$ are fixed at a given
renormalization scale $\mu^2$ and represent the non-perturbative
quark and gluon dynamics of the nucleon.
We can now make contact with observables.
Since the Fourier transform of
\linebreak
$\langle P | T(J_{\mu}(z) J_{\nu}(0)|P\rangle$
is proportional to the forward virtual Compton
scattering amplitude and its imaginary part determines
the structure functions $F_1$ and $F_2$, it is clear that
the $a_n$ represent moments of those structure functions,
with $Q^2$-dependent coefficients.
Consider as an example the structure function $F_1(x,Q^2)$
in the flavor singlet channel.
One finds,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:OPE_F1}
\int_0^1 {d}x\,x^{n-1} F_1(x,Q^2) =
C_{n}^{q}(Q^2;\mu^2) \, a^{q}_{n}(\mu^2) +
C_{n}^{g}(Q^2;\mu^2) \, a^{g}_{n}(\mu^2),
\end{equation}
where crossing symmetry implies a restriction to
even orders $n=2,4,\dots$.
The momentum space coefficient functions $C_n(Q^2;\mu^2)$
are related to the c-number functions
$c_n(z^2;\mu^2)$ of Eq.(\ref{eq:OPE1}) by Fourier transformation.
The important point is that the $C_n(Q^2;\mu^2)$
can be calculated perturbatively at large $Q^2$.
Their $Q^2$-dependence is determined by renormalization group
equations equivalent to the DGLAP equations in (\ref{eq:DGLAP_s}).
It is often useful to express the structure functions in a factorized
form, by a convolution of ``hard'' effective cross sections
$\hat \sigma_q$ and $\hat \sigma_g$ for the scattering of the
virtual photon from quarks and gluons in the nucleon,
with ``soft'' quark and gluon distributions of the target.
For example,
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:F1_conv}
F_1(x,Q^2) &=& \int_x^1 \frac{{d}y}{y}\,
\left\{
\hat {\sigma}_{q}(y,Q^2;\mu^2) \,
\left[ q(x/y,\mu^2) + \bar q(x/y,\mu^2)\right]
\right.
\nonumber \\
&& \hspace{2cm}+\left. \hat{\sigma}_{g}(y,Q^2;\mu^2)
\,g(x/y,\mu^2)\right\}.
\end{eqnarray}
(Here we have generically used only
one quark flavor with unit electric charge.)
The perturbatively calculable functions $C_n$
then find a simple physical interpretation in terms of
moments of the ``hard'' cross sections:
\begin{equation}
\label{eq:sig_q}
C^{q,g}_{n}(Q^2;\mu^2) = \int_0^1 {d} x\,x^{n-1}
\hat \sigma_{q,g}(x,Q^2;\mu^2),
\end{equation}
while the quark and gluon distributions are related to the
``soft'' reduced matrix elements (\ref{eq:reduced1},\ref{eq:reduced2})
by
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:OPE_quark}
a^q_{n}(\mu^2) &=& \int_0^1 {d}x\,x^{n-1}
\left[
q(x,\mu^2) + (-1)^n {\bar q}(x,\mu^2)
\right],
\\ \label{eq:OPE_gluon}
a^g_{n}(\mu^2) &=& \int_0^1 dx\,x^{n-1}
g(x,\mu^2),
\end{eqnarray}
where Eq.(\ref{eq:OPE_gluon}) holds only for even $n$.
To lowest (zeroth) order in the running coupling strength
$\alpha_s(\mu^2)$,
the ``hard'' cross sections are simply
$\hat \sigma_{q} \sim \delta(1-x)$ and $\hat \sigma_{g} = 0$,
so that only quarks contribute to $F_1$.
Gluons first enter at order $\alpha_s$.
We mention that, in general, the representation
of a given structure function in terms of separate
quark and gluon contributions is a matter of definition.
It is unique only in leading order and depends on the
renormalization scheme at higher orders in $\alpha_s$
\cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}.
The measured structure functions are, of course, free of such
ambiguities.
\section{Nuclear structure functions at large Bjorken-$x$}
\setcounter{section}{6}
\setcounter{figure}{0}
\label{sec:EMC}
Deep-inelastic scattering from nuclei probes the
nuclear parton distributions.
On the other hand conventional nuclear physics
works well with the concept
that nuclei are composed of interacting hadronic constituents,
primarily nucleons and pions.
For $x>0.2$ DIS probes
longitudinal distances smaller than $1 \,\rm{fm}$
(see Section \ref{Sec:space_time}),
less than the size of individual hadrons in nuclei.
In this kinematic region, incoherent scattering from hadronic
constituents of the target nucleus dominates.
Such processes explore the quark distributions of nucleons
bound in the nucleus.
To gain first insights suppose that the nucleus is described
by nucleons moving in a mean field.
The quark substructure of bound nucleons
may differ in several respects from the quark
distributions of free nucleons.
First, there is a purely kinematical effect due to the momentum distribution
and binding energy of the bound nucleons.
This effect rescales the energy and momentum of the
partonic constituents.
To illustrate this recall that for a free nucleon
the light-cone momentum fraction of partons cannot exceed $x=1$.
A nucleon bound in a nucleus carries a non-vanishing
momentum which
adds to the momenta of individual partons in that nucleon.
As a consequence light-cone momentum fractions up to $x = A$
are possible in principle, although the extreme situation in which a
single parton
carries all of the nuclear momentum will of course be very highly
improbable.
On the other hand intrinsic properties of bound nucleons,
e.g. their size, could also change in the nuclear environment.
This may lead to additional, dynamical modifications of their partonic
structure.
\subsection{Impulse approximation}
Nuclei are, in many respects, dilute systems.
For example, in elastic proton-nucleus
scattering the proton mean free path is
of the order of $5-10\,\rm{fm}$ \cite{Schiffer:1980hb},
large compared to the average distance between nucleons in nuclei.
This observation has motivated the impulse approximation
which reduces the nuclear scattering process to
incoherent scatterings from the individual nucleons
(for reviews and references see
\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt,Bickerstaff:1989ch,Arneodo:1994wf,%
Geesaman:1995yd,Jaffe:1985je,Bickerstaff:1985da}).
Final state interactions of the scattered hadron with the
residual nuclear system are neglected at high energy.
(One should note, however, that the validity of this
approximation, illustrated in Fig.\ref{fig:emc_ia},
is still under debate as discussed in
\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt,Geesaman:1995yd,Kulagin:1994fz,%
Bickerstaff:1985da,Bickerstaff:1985ax,Hoodbhoy:1987fn,%
Saito:1994yw,Melnitchouk:1994nk}
and references therein.)
\begin{figure}[b]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/Impuls_App.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Impulse approximation for deep-inelastic scattering
from nuclei at large $Q^2$.
}
\label{fig:emc_ia}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Given the small average momenta of the weakly bound nucleons,
their quark sub-structure is described by structure functions
similar to those of free nucleons \cite{Kulagin:1994fz,Kulagin:1995cj}.
For a nucleon with momentum $p$ these structure functions
depend on the scaling
variable $x=Q^2 /2p\cdot q$ and on the squared momentum transfer
$Q^2$.
However since the energies and momenta of bound nucleons
do not satisfy the
energy-momentum relation of free nucleons, additional
freedom arises.
This becomes immediately obvious from the following simple kinematic
consideration.
In the laboratory frame deep-inelastic scattering from a nucleon
bound in a nucleus involves the removal
energy, $-\varepsilon_n$, of the struck nucleon:
\begin{equation}
\varepsilon_n = M_{\T A} - M^{(n)}_{{\T{A-1}}} - M.
\end{equation}
Here $M_{\T A}$ and $M^{(n)}_{\T {A-1}}$ denote the invariant masses of the
initial nuclear ground state and of the nuclear system,
with a nucleon-hole state characterized by its quantum numbers $n$.
The energy of the interacting nucleon is then:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:p0_with_recoil}
p_0 = M + \varepsilon_n - T_{\T R},
\end{equation}
where $T_{\T R} = {\vec p^2}/{2 M^{(n)}_{\T{A-1}}}$ is the recoil energy
of the residual nuclear system.
We finally obtain for the squared four-momentum of this
interacting nucleon:
\begin{equation}
p^2 = p_0^2 - \vec p^2 \simeq M^2 + 2 M (\varepsilon_n - T_{\T R} - T)
\ne M^2,
\end{equation}
with $T=\vec p^2/2M$. The squared four-momentum of the active
nucleon is obviously not restricted by its free invariant mass.
It is determined by the nuclear wave function which describes
the momentum distributions of bound target nucleons as well as the mass
spectrum of the residual nuclear system.
Consequently, the structure function of a bound nucleon
can in general depend also on $p^2$, not just on $x$ and $Q^2$.
\subsection{Corrections from binding and Fermi motion}
\label{ssec:binding_Fermi}
In the impulse approximation deep-inelastic scattering
from a nucleus at large $Q^2$ proceeds in two steps
as shown in Fig.\ref{fig:emc_ia}:
the exchanged virtual photon scatters from a quark with
momentum $k$.
This quark belongs to a nucleon with momentum $p$ which is
removed from the target nucleus.
Treating the nucleus as a non-relativistic bound state,
the nuclear structure functions factorize into
two terms \cite{Kulagin:1994fz}:
the information about the quark and gluon substructure of the nucleons
is included in the bound nucleon structure functions
$F_{1}^{\T N}(x/y,p^2)$ and $F_{2}^{\T N}(x/y,p^2)$.
They depend on the fraction $x/y = k\cdot q/p\cdot q \approx k^+/p^+$
of the light-cone momentum\footnote{Here the photon momentum is chosen as
$q^{\mu} = (q_0, \vec 0_\perp,q_3)$ with $q_3 < 0$.}
of the interacting nucleon carried
by the quark, and
reduce to the corresponding free nucleon structure functions
at $p^2 = M^2$.
Details about nuclear structure are incorporated in the
distribution function of nucleons with squared
four-momentum $p^2$ and a fraction $y$ of the
nuclear light-cone momentum:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{D-N/A}
D_{\rm N/A}(y,p^2) &=& \int\!\frac{d^4p'}{(2\pi)^4}\, {\cal S}(p')
\left(1+\frac{p'_3}{M}\right)
\delta\left(y -\frac{p'^{+}}{M}\right)\,\delta(p^2 - {p'}^2).
\end{eqnarray}
Here
\begin{equation} \label{S(p)}
{\cal S}(p)=2\pi\sum_n
\delta(p_0 - M - \varepsilon_n + T_{\T R})
\left|\Psi_n({\vec p})\right|^2
\end{equation}
is the spectral function of a nucleon in the nucleus.
It is determined by the momentum space amplitude
$\Psi_n({\vec p})=
\langle({\T{A-1}})_n,-{\vec p}|\hat \Psi(0)|{\T A}\rangle$,
with $\hat \Psi(0)$
representing the non-relativistic nucleon field operator
at the origin ${\vec r}=0$.
The squared amplitude $|\Psi_n({\vec p})|^2$
describes the probability of finding a nucleon with momentum
$\vec p$ in the nuclear ground state $|{\T A}\rangle$, and the remaining
${A}-1$ nucleons in a state $n$ with total momentum $-\vec p$.
In Eq.(\ref{S(p)}) the sum over a complete set of states
with ${A-1}$ nucleons is taken.
Note that the spectral function is normalized to
$A$, the total number of nucleons in the nucleus.
This leads to the proper normalization
of the nucleon distribution function in
Eq.(\ref{D-N/A}) (see e.g.
Refs.\cite{Jaffe:1985je,Frankfurt:1987ui,Jung:1988jw}).
The nuclear structure functions are then obtained by a convolution
over the squared four-momentum of the interacting nucleons and their
light-cone momentum fraction.
For the structure function $F_2^{\T A}$ {\em per nucleon}
this gives \cite{Kulagin:1994fz}:
\begin{equation} \label{F2A}
A \,F_2^{\T A}(x)= \int\limits_x^{A}\! dy\int\!dp^2\,
D_{\rm N/A}(y,p^2) F_2^{\T N}(x/y,p^2),
\end{equation}
where we have suppressed the dependence on $Q^2$ for convenience.
In the following we
examine the convolution integral (\ref{F2A}) in more detail.
The momentum distribution of nucleons in the nuclear target,
\begin{equation}
\int \frac{dp_0}{2\pi} {\cal S}(p) = \sum_n \left|\Psi_n({\vec p})\right|^2 ,
\end{equation}
falls rapidly with increasing $|\vec p|$.
This implies that the nucleon light-cone distribution (\ref{D-N/A})
is strongly peaked around $y\approx 1$ and $p^2 \approx M^2$,
with a typical width $\Delta y\sim p_F/M$ controlled by
the Fermi momentum $p_F$.
Expanding the bound nucleon structure function in Eq.(\ref{F2A}) in a
Taylor series around $y=1$ and $p^2 = M^2$, and integrating
term by term, leads to the following expression for the nuclear
structure function per nucleon \cite{Kulagin:1994fz,Frankfurt:1987ui},
valid in the range $0.2 < x < 0.7$:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{expansion}
F^{\T A}_2(x) \approx F_2^{\T N}(x)
-\frac{\langle\varepsilon\rangle}{M}\:x{F_2^{\T N}}^{\prime}(x)
+\frac{\langle T\rangle}{3M}\:x^2{F_2^{\T N}}^{\prime\prime}(x)
\nonumber\\
+2\:\frac{\langle\varepsilon\rangle-\langle T\rangle}{M}
\left(p^2\frac{\partial F_2^{\T N}(x;p^2)}{\partial p^2}\right)_{p^2=M^2},
\end{eqnarray}
where ${F_2^{\T N}}^{\prime}(x)$ and ${F_2^{\T N}}^{\prime\prime}(x)$
are derivatives
of the structure function with respect to $x$.
The mean value of the single particle energy $\varepsilon = p_0 -M$
is
\begin{eqnarray} \label{E-rem}
\langle\varepsilon\rangle &=&
{1\over {\T A}}\int\!\frac{d^4p}{(2\pi)^4}\, {\cal S}(p)\, \varepsilon,
\label{E-kin}
\end{eqnarray}
\noindent
and
\begin{eqnarray}
\langle T\rangle &=&
{1\over {\T A}}\int\!\frac{d^4p}{(2\pi)^4}\, {\cal S}(p)\, \frac{{\vec p}^2}{2M}
\end{eqnarray}
represents the mean kinetic energy of bound nucleons.
Except for light nuclei the recoil energy $T_{\T R}$ in
Eq.(\ref{eq:p0_with_recoil}) can be neglected.
Then $\langle\varepsilon\rangle$ coincides with the
separation energy.
Corrections to Eq.(\ref{expansion}) are of higher order in
$\langle\varepsilon\rangle/M$ and $\langle T\rangle/M$.
Note that the approximate result for $F_2^{\T A}$ in Eq.(\ref{expansion})
is well justified in the region $0.2 < x < 0.7$.
Here the kinematic condition $x/y<1$ in Eq.(\ref{F2A})
can be ignored in accordance with the underlying expansion.
Let us briefly discuss the physical meaning of the different terms
in Eq.(\ref{expansion}) and their implications.
The second term on the right hand side of Eq.(\ref{expansion})
involves the average separation energy of nucleons from the
target. As such it is determined by nuclear binding.
In the range $0.2 < x < 0.7$ it leads to
a depletion of the nuclear structure function compared to the
structure function of a free nucleon.
The third term accounts for the Fermi motion of bound
nucleons and yields a strong rise of the structure function
ratio $F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{\T N}$ at large $x$.
Finally, the fourth term in (\ref{expansion}) reflects
the dependence of the structure function of a bound nucleon on
its squared four-momentum.
Note that this contribution enters at the same order
as binding and Fermi-motion corrections.
Information about the $p^2$-dependence of bound nucleon structure
functions is rare.
Nevertheless such effects may lead to significant modifications of the
EMC ratio $F_2^{\T A} /F_2^{\T N}$ at moderate and large values of $x$.
This has been shown for example in the framework of a simple quark-diquark
picture for the nucleon \cite{Kulagin:1994fz}.
An important and not yet completely solved problem with respect
to the binding and Fermi-motion corrections in Eq.(\ref{expansion})
is a reliable calculation of
$\langle\varepsilon\rangle$ and $\langle T\rangle$.
In a simple nuclear
shell model the separation energy is averaged over all occupied levels. One
finds typical values $\langle\varepsilon\rangle\approx -(20-25)\;$MeV and
$\langle T\rangle\approx 18-20\;$MeV. Correlations between nucleons change
the simple mean field picture substantially and lead to high momentum
components with $|\vec p| > p_F$ in the nuclear spectral
function (\ref{S(p)}).
This in turn causes an increase of the average separation energy
$\langle\varepsilon\rangle$ \cite{CiofiDegliAtti:1989eg,Dieperink:1991mw}.
In order to see this let us examine the Koltun sum rule \cite{Koltun:1972}
\begin{equation} \label{Kolsr}
\langle\varepsilon\rangle + \langle T\rangle = - 2\mu_B ,
\end{equation}
where $\mu_B$ is the binding energy per nucleon. This sum rule
is exact if only two-body forces are present in
the nuclear Hamiltonian.
With fixed
$\mu_B\approx 8\,$MeV, this sum rule tells that an increase of
$\langle T\rangle$ due to high momentum components is accompanied by an
increase of $|\langle\varepsilon\rangle|$. We refer in this
context to a calculation \cite{Benhar:1989aw} of the spectral function
of nuclear matter based on a variational method. This calculation
shows that there is a significant probability to find nucleons with
high momentum and large separation energies.
An integration of the
spectral function of Ref.\cite{Benhar:1989aw} gives $\langle
T\rangle\approx 38\;$MeV and $\langle\varepsilon\rangle\approx
-70\;$MeV \cite{Dieperink:1991mw}.
In order to estimate these quantities for heavy nuclei
one usually assumes \cite{CiofiDegliAtti:1989eg}
that the high momentum components
of the nucleon momentum distribution are about the same as in nuclear
matter.
Together with Eq.(\ref{Kolsr}) this leads
to $\langle\varepsilon\rangle\approx -50\;$MeV.
In Fig.\ref{fig:result_EMC} we show typical results from
Refs.\cite{Kulagin:1994fz,Jung:1988jw} for iron and gold.
We observe that a qualitative understanding of the EMC effect
can indeed be reached, but
at $x \gsim 0.5$ a more quantitative description is still lacking.
One should note, of course, that the presentation of nuclear effects
in terms of the ratio $F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{\T N}$ magnifies
such effects in a misleading manner because $F_2^{\T N}$ itself
is small in this region
(see also the discussion in Section \ref{ssec:Co_spa_nuclei}).
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/emc_a.eps,height=70mm}
\end{center}
\vspace*{1cm}
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/emc_b.eps,height=70mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The ratio of nuclear and nucleon structure functions,
$F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{N}$, for iron and gold taken from
Refs.\cite{Jung:1988jw,Kulagin:1994fz}.
(a) solid curve: calculation in Ref.\cite{Jung:1988jw},
dotted curve: calculation in Ref.\cite{Frankfurt:1987ui}.
(b) results from Ref.\cite{Kulagin:1994fz}: without $p^2$-dependence
of the bound nucleon structure function (dashed), and
including this $p^2$-dependence
as obtained from a simple quark-diquark picture (full).
}
\label{fig:result_EMC}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
The impulse approximation picture of nuclear deep-inelastic scattering can
also be maintained in a relativistically covariant way
\cite{Melnitchouk:1994nk}.
Here, however, a simple factorization of nuclear structure functions
into nuclear and nucleon parts as in Eq.(\ref{F2A}) is not possible
any longer.
A relativistic calculation of nuclear structure
functions requires relativistic nuclear wave functions as well as
a more detailed knowledge about the structure of bound nucleons.
Nevertheless, relativistic effects seem to be small:
in an explicit model calculation of the deuteron
structure function $F_2^{\T d}$ relativistic corrections
to the non-relativistic convolution
(\ref{F2A}) are less than $2\%$ for $x<0.9$ \cite{Melnitchouk:1994rv}.
In the region $x>1$, where nuclear structure functions are
very small however, larger deviations are expected.
In this context a word of caution is in order. A description
of nuclear structure functions based on nucleons alone
is necessarily incomplete since it violates the momentum
sum rule \cite{Frankfurt:1988nt}.
Non-nucleonic degrees of freedom are briefly discussed in
Section \ref{ssec:Pion}.
\subsection{Beyond the impulse approximation}
The quality of the impulse approximation has frequently been
questioned (see e.g. \linebreak
Refs.\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt,Geesaman:1995yd,Kulagin:1994fz,%
Hoodbhoy:1987fn,Saito:1994yw,Melnitchouk:1994nk} and references therein).
Here we give a brief summary of possible shortcomings in terms of
models for nuclear deep-inelastic scattering which
go beyond this approximation.
\subsubsection{Quark exchange in nuclei}
The impulse approximation includes only incoherent
scattering processes
from hadronic constituents of the target nucleus.
On the other hand, contributions involving several bound nucleons
could also be important, and their role needs to be examined.
One such possibility, namely quark exchange between different nucleons,
has been investigated in
Refs.\cite{Hoodbhoy:1987fn,Meyer:1994fg}.
The nuclear quark wave function
which is probed in deep-inelastic scattering must be antisymmetric
with respect to permutations of quarks.
This however is not realized in the impulse approximation (\ref{F2A}).
Antisymmetrization introduces additional quark exchange terms between
different nucleons in the target.
Under several simplifying assumptions a softening of the
nuclear quark momentum distribution due to quark exchange
has been found.
For small nuclei the effect turned out to be significant.
For $^4\rm{He}$ approximately $30\%$ of the
observed depletion of the structure function ratio
$F_2^{\T{He}}/F_2^{\T{N}}$ at $x\sim 0.6$ has been associated with
quark exchange.
Only minor modifications have been
found for heavier nuclei \cite{Meyer:1994fg}.
While the estimates based on a simple quark exchange model may
not be reliable at a
quantitative level, they certainly point to the fact that
the impulse approximation is incomplete as soon as
correlations between quarks in several nucleons come into play.
\subsubsection{Final state interactions in a mean field approach}
One of the basic assumptions of the impulse approximation
is that interactions of the struck, highly excited nucleon
with the residual nuclear system can be ignored.
In general there is no solid basis for this assumption
since the debris of the struck nucleon includes
also low momentum fragments as seen from the target rest frame.
A proper treatment of their final state interaction requires however a
description of the nucleus in terms of quark and gluon degrees of
freedom.
Investigations in this direction have been made
starting out from a quark model for nuclear matter,
with nucleons modeled as non-overlapping
MIT bags \cite{Saito:1994yw,Guichon:1988jp,Saito:1992rm}.
The nucleons interact via the exchange of scalar and vector mesons
which couple directly to quarks.
Within the mean field approximation for the meson fields
it is possible to describe several basic properties of nuclear
matter, such as its compressibility and
the binding energy per nucleon at saturation density.
This model has been applied to deep-inelastic scattering from
finite nuclei using a local density approximation \cite{Saito:1994yw}.
The debris of the struck nucleon is represented by a pair
of spectator quarks bound in a diquark bag.
Its interaction with the remaining nuclear system in the final
state leads to a non-negligible effect on nuclear structure functions:
while the full calculation including final state interactions
allows to reproduce the structure function ratio $F_2^A/F_2^N$,
the impulse approximation overestimates nuclear effects
at $x\sim 0.6$ by about a factor two.
In the framework of this model such a difference is
expected since the binding of the nucleus
is the result of the attractive scalar mean field experienced
by all three constituent quarks of the interacting nucleon.
When ignoring the binding of the spectator quark pair, as done in the
impulse approximation, one assumes that
the active quark which takes part in the deep-inelastic scattering
process behaves as if it carries the binding of all three quarks,
a feature which obviously needs to be corrected.
The mean field approach to nuclear
quark distributions is based on several simplifying assumptions,
but it nevertheless points to the possible importance of
final state interactions and, in more general terms, to the
relevance of quark degrees of freedom in nuclei.
\subsection{Modifications of bound nucleon structure functions}
The intrinsic properties of nucleons bound in nuclei can
be modified as compared to free nucleons. We summarize
below two examples of models which deal with such
possible changes in bound nucleon structure functions.
\subsubsection{Rescaling}
At intermediate values of the Bjorken variable, $0.2 < x < 0.7$,
the modification
of nuclear structure functions $F_2^{\T A}$ as compared to the
free nucleon structure function $F_2^{\T N}$ can be described
by a shift in the momentum scale which
enters the structure functions.
We briefly outline here the basic arguments
\cite{Close:1983tn,Jaffe:1984zw,Close:1985zn,Close:1986ji,Close:1988ay}.
Consider the moments\footnote{For
simplicity we use the non-singlet part only.}
\begin{equation}
M_n^{\T A}(Q^2) = \int_0^A dx\,x^{n-2} F_2^{{\T A}}(x,Q^2),
\quad {\rm with}\;n\;{\rm{even}}.
\end{equation}
Assume now that the moments of nuclear and nucleon structure
functions are related by a shift of their momentum scale:
\begin{equation}
M_n^{\T A}(\mu_{\T A}^2) = M_n^{\T N}(\mu_{\T N}^2).
\end{equation}
At an arbitrary momentum transfer $Q^2$
the perturbative QCD evolution
equations to leading order (see Section \ref{ssec:AP_eq}) give:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:moments_Q^2}
M_n^{\T A}(Q^2) = M_n^{\T N}\left(\xi_{\T A}(Q^2) Q^2\right),
\end{equation}
with the rescaling parameter
\begin{equation}
\xi_{\T A}(Q^2) = \left(\frac{\mu_{\T N}^2}{\mu_{\T A}^2}
\right)^{\frac{\alpha_s(\mu_{\T A}^2)}{\alpha_s(Q^2)}}.
\end{equation}
Of course Eq.(\ref{eq:moments_Q^2}) can always be satisfied
if one allows different $\xi_{\T A}$ for different moments $n$.
However, when comparing with data it has turned out
that the rescaling parameter is
independent of $n$ to a good approximation.
Consequently, the scale change for the moments
(\ref{eq:moments_Q^2})
can be translated directly into a scale change for the
structure functions themselves:
\begin{equation}
F_2^{\T A}(x,Q^2) = F_2^{\T N}\left(x,\xi_{\T A}(Q^2) Q^2\right).
\end{equation}
Good agreement with experimental data can be achieved at intermediate $x$.
For example, the EMC structure function data on iron
suggest $\xi_{\rm Fe} \approx 2$ for $Q^2 = 20$ GeV$^2$
\cite{Close:1985zn}.
Rescaling gives a reasonable one-parameter description
of nuclear structure functions $F_2^{\T A}$ at intermediate $x$,
but it does not offer insights into the physical origin of
the observed change of scale.
One possible suggestion to explain the scale change is
a modification of the
effective confinement scale for quarks in the
nucleus as compared to free nucleons
\cite{Close:1983tn,Jaffe:1984zw,Close:1985zn}.
Scale changes are not simply related to possible ``swelling''
of nucleons inside nuclei which
is constrained by inclusive electron-nucleus
scattering data in the quasielastic region.
The experimentally observed $y$-scaling
indicates a rather small increase of the charge radius
for bound nucleons.
For example, the study of \cite{Sick:1985a,Sick:1985b} comes to the
conclusion that any increase of the nuclear radius in
nuclei should be less than $6\%$ of its free radius.
Related discussions and a comparison with nuclear DIS data
can be found in
Refs.[202,216,\linebreak 231--234].
\nocite{Kumano:1994pn,CiofiDegliAtti:1989eg,%
Nachtmann:1984py,Bickerstaff:1985mp,Mulders:1985ec,%
Bickerstaff:1987ck}
\subsubsection{Color screening in bound nucleons}
The scenario of Refs.\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt,Frankfurt:1985cv,Frank:1996pv}
assumes that the
dominant contribution to the structure function $F_2^{\T N}$
at large $x \sim 0.6$ is given by small size (pointlike)
parton configurations in the nucleon.
In a nuclear environment such configurations interact only
weakly with other nucleons due to the screening of their color charge.
It is argued that the probability for
pointlike configurations is reduced in bound nucleons.
In fact, the probability to find parton configurations
of {average} size in the nucleon should actually
be enhanced in nuclei since they experience the attraction of
the nuclear mean field.
Then the variational principle with normalization condition on
the wave function implies that {small}-size configurations
should indeed be suppressed.
An estimate of such deformations in the wave function of nucleons
bound in heavy nuclei gives
for $x \sim 0.5$ \cite{Frankfurt:1985cv}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:str_fn_ratio_FS}
\frac{F_2^{\T A}}{F_2^{\T N}}
\sim 1 + \frac{4 \, \langle U \rangle}{E^*}
\sim 0.7 \,\mbox{--} \,0.8.
\end{equation}
Here $\langle U \rangle$ is the average potential energy
per nucleon, $\langle U \rangle \sim - 40$ MeV,
and $E^* \sim 0.5$ GeV is the typical energy scale for
excitations of the nucleon.
Since $\langle U \rangle$ scales with the nuclear
density, the nuclear dependence of the structure function ratio
(\ref{eq:str_fn_ratio_FS}) is roughly consistent with data.
It should be mentioned that the proposed suppression of
rather rare pointlike configurations in bound nucleons does not
necessarily imply a substantial change of average properties
of a bound nucleon, such as
its electromagnetic radius \cite{Frankfurt:1988nt}.
\section{Introduction}
This review is written with the intention to summarize
and discuss nuclear phenomena observed in the deep-inelastic
scattering (DIS) of leptons (mostly muons and electrons) on
nuclear targets. Experimental developments in the last
decade have brought several such effects into
focus (the EMC effect; shadowing, etc.).
This first came as a surprise.
At the high energy and momentum transfers
characteristic of DIS one did not expect to see
sizable nuclear effects which usually occur on
length scales of order $1$ fm or larger,
governed by the inverse Fermi momentum of nucleons in nuclei.
Today such nuclear effects are well established by a large
amount of high-quality experimental data.
Also, their theoretical understanding has progressed in
recent years, so that an updated review of these developments
appears justified.
Our presentation, however, does not aim for completeness in all
details.
We wish to emphasize those effects in which two
or more nucleons act coherently to produce significant deviations
from the incoherent sum of individual nucleon structure functions.
The most prominent effect of this kind is shadowing.
Its close relationship with diffraction in
high-energy hadronic processes is now quite well understood,
which points to the significance of optical analogues when
dealing with the interaction of high-energy, virtual photons
in a nuclear medium.
Other, less pronounced nuclear effects such as binding and
Fermi motion will also be discussed.
Some overlap with previous
reviews
\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt,Jaffe:1985je,Bickerstaff:1989ch,Arneodo:1994wf,%
Geesaman:1995yd}
is not unwanted for reasons of continuity.
At the same time, this report incorporates plenty of more recent
material, including polarization observables in DIS on nuclei,
a field in which experimental activities progress rapidly and
forcefully.
Before turning to our main subject it is necessary and useful
to summarize, in the following Section 2, our knowledge
on free nucleon structure functions. Deep-inelastic
scattering probes the substructure of the nucleon with very
high resolution down to length and time scales of order
$10^{-2}$ fm. The QCD analysis of the structure functions
gives detailed insights into the composition of nucleons in
terms of quarks and gluons, and their momentum
and spin distributions.
A fundamental question from a nuclear physics perspective
is then the following: how do the quark
and gluon distributions of the nucleon change in a nuclear
many-body environment?
What are the mechanisms responsible for such changes?
These issues will be addressed starting from Section 3 in
which the basic observations and phenomenology of DIS from nuclear
targets will be described.
A particularly instructive way of illustrating the physics content
of nuclear structure functions is provided by a
space-time (rather than momentum space) analysis to which we refer
in a separate Section 4.
Shadowing is discussed in detail in Section 5.
Binding effects, Fermi motion and pionic
contributions are dealt with in Section 6.
Section 7 turns to a discussion of more recent work on polarized
DIS from nuclei.
A status summary and further perspectives
follow in Section 8.
We close this introduction with a remark on references to the literature.
As usual, aiming for completeness is an impossible task.
What we hope to be a reasonable compromise is a combination of
references to previous reviews in which earlier references can
be found, together with selected original references
to data and theory whenever they are of direct relevance in the
text.
\section{Further developments and perspectives}
\setcounter{section}{8}
\setcounter{figure}{0}
\label{sec:perspectives}
We close this review with a short summary of the key physics points
together with an outlook on several selected
topics for which investigations are
still actively under way.
We comment on exclusive vector meson production from nuclei,
questions of shadowing at large $Q^2$ and the issue of high
parton densities in nuclear systems.
\subsection{Coherence effects in DIS and in the exclusive electroproduction
of vector mesons}
Nuclear shadowing in inclusive deep-inelastic lepton scattering is a prime
source of information on coherently propagating hadronic or quark-gluon
fluctuations of the virtual photon in a nuclear medium.
By selecting different kinematic cuts in $Q^2$ and energy transfer
$\nu$, one can focus on different components of the photon's
Fock space wave function.
An even more stringent selection of such components can be
achieved in exclusive photo- and electroproduction processes,
and in particular in high-energy diffractive vector meson production.
Data on vector meson production from nuclei have become available
in recent years at
FNAL (E665) \cite{Adams:1995bw}, CERN (NMC)
\cite{Arneodo:1994qb,Arneodo:1994id}, and
DESY (HERMES) \cite{Ackerstaff:1999wt},
and further experiments are under discussion at TJNAF
\cite{Dytman:1998} and
DESY (HERA, HERMES) \cite{Ingelman:1996ge}.
Depending on energy and momentum transfer, the mechanism of
vector meson formation can be quite different. In the range
$\nu > 3$ GeV and $Q^2 \,\lsim \,1$ GeV$^2$
the production process is well described using the vector
meson dominance picture (see e.g. \cite{Bauer:1978iq}):
in the lab frame the photon converts into a vector meson
prior to scattering from the target.
On the other hand, at large $Q^2 \gg 1$ GeV$^2$
perturbative QCD calculations show that the
photon-nucleon interaction produces
an initially small-sized, color singlet quark-antiquark wave packet
\cite{Frankfurt:1996jw,Brodsky:1994kf}.
At high photon energies the finally observed vector meson is then
formed at a much later stage.
The transition from small to large $Q^2$ interpolates between
non-perturbative hadron formation and perturbative quark-antiquark-gluon
dynamics, a question of central importance in QCD.
Nuclear targets are particular helpful at this point because they serve
as analyzers for the coherent interaction of the produced $q\bar q$-gluon
system with several nucleons \cite{Brodsky:1988xz}.
The distance between two nucleons provides the ``femtometer stick''
which can be used to measure the relevant coherence lengths
(for reviews and references see
\cite{Nikolaev:1992si,Frankfurt:1994hf,Jain:1996dd}).
The characteristic scales for this discussion have been
encountered several times in previous sections. First, there is the
typical longitudinal distance (propagation length)
\begin{equation}\label{coh}
\lambda \approx \frac{2\nu}{m^2 + Q^2}\,.
\end{equation}
It represents the distance over which a hadronic fluctuation
of invariant mass $m$ propagates in the lab frame when
induced by a photon of energy $\nu$ and virtuality $Q^2$.
At large $Q^2$ the initially produced wave packet is characterized
by its transverse size $b$. For longitudinally
polarized photons,
\begin{equation}\label{ej}
b = \frac{const}{Q}.
\end{equation}
In perturbative QCD the minimal Fock space component has
$const \sim 4$--$5$ at $Q^2 \gsim 5 \,\T{GeV}^2$
\cite{Frankfurt:1996jw,Kopeliovich:1994pw}.
Thus for $Q^2 = 5\,\T{GeV}^2$ and $const = 4$, the
transverse size of the initial wave packet is $b\sim 0.4$ fm,
a small fraction of the diameter of a fully developed $\rho$ meson.
Recent measurements at HERMES \cite{Ackerstaff:1999wt} have observed effects
related to the coherence length $\lambda$ in
$\rho^0$ electroproduction on hydrogen, deuterium,
$^3$He, and $^{14}$N.
The range of energy and momentum transfers covered by the
experiment is $9 \,\T{GeV} < \nu < 20 \, \T{GeV}$ and
$0.4 \,\T{GeV}^2 < Q^2 < 5 \, \T{GeV}^2$.
This implies coherence lengths in the range
$0.6\,\T{fm} \,\lsim\,\lambda < 8\,\T{fm}$
covering scales from individual nucleons up to and beyond nuclear dimensions.
(The interesting upper section of the available $Q^2$ interval,
$Q^2\,\gsim\, 4$ GeV$^2$, has been accessible only for small
energies with $\nu$ with $\lambda \,\lsim\,1$ fm
in these measurements.)
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/vm_prod_new.eps,height=80mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
The rates of produced $\rho^0$'s plotted
against $t' = t - t_0$ for hydrogen, deuterium,
$^3$He, and $^{14}$N.
The solid lines show fits to the data,
the dashed lines are inferred incoherent contributions
(for details see Ref.\cite{Ackerstaff:1999wt}).
}
\label{fig:vm_prod_A}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Given the four-momenta $q$ and $k$ of the incoming virtual photon
and the produced $\rho$ meson,
the $t$-channel momentum transfer to the nucleon is $t = (q - k)^2$.
In Fig.\ref{fig:vm_prod_A} the rate of produced $\rho^0$'s is plotted
against $t' = t - t_0$,
the squared momentum transfer above threshold
($|t_0| \simeq \lambda^{-2}$).
At $|t'| \ll 0.1$ GeV$^2$
coherent production dominates, leaving the nucleus as a whole in
the ground state. Such coherent processes fall off rapidly
with the nuclear form factor, so that at $|t'|\,\gsim\,0.1$
GeV$^2$ mostly incoherent $\rho$ production from individual nucleons
remains.
Consider now the incoherent production of vector mesons
from nuclei.
In the absence of coherent rescattering processes the nuclear
$\rho$ production cross section $\sigma_{\T A}$ would simply
be $A$ times the production cross section $\sigma_{\T N}$
on a free nucleon.
Nuclear effects are conveniently discussed in terms of the
transparency ratio,
$T_{\T A} =\sigma_{\T A}/({A} \sigma_{\T N})$.
The measured ratio for $^{14}$N is plotted as a
function of the longitudinal propagation length $\lambda$
in Fig.\ref{fig:trans}.
The deviation of $T_{\T A}$ from unity for $\lambda \,\lsim\,1$ fm
simply reflects the ``trivial'' final state rescattering of the
$\rho$ meson after being produced on one of the nucleons.
More interesting effects are visible when $\lambda$ exceeds the average
nucleon-nucleon distance of about $2$ fm.
Now the hadronic fluctuations of the photon can scatter coherently
on several nucleons also prior to the production of the final state
vector meson, and the transparency ratio $T_{\T A}$
systematically decreases until it exceeds the nuclear diameter.
The dashed curve in Fig.\ref{fig:trans} shows a theoretical prediction
calculated within the vector meson dominance model \cite{Hufner:1996dr}.
Its agreement with data suggests that the production process is
dominated, given the relatively low $Q^2$ involved,
by hadronic fluctuations which interact about as strongly as the produced
$\rho$ meson.
Further systematic investigations of such coherence length effects,
especially its detailed dependence on the momentum transfer $t$,
are discussed at TJNAF \cite{Dytman:1998,Frankfurt:1998vx}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\vspace*{-5cm}
\begin{center}
\hspace*{-2cm}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/trans_fin.eps,height=120mm,width=100mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The nuclear transparency $T_{\T A}$
as a function of the propagation length $\lambda$
for $^{14}$N.
HERMES data \cite{Ackerstaff:1999wt} are indicated by full dots.
The open symbols represent data from previous experiments
\cite{Clellan:1969,Adams:1995bw}.
The dashed curve shows a Glauber calculation from Ref.\cite{Hufner:1996dr}
}
\label{fig:trans}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
It is interesting to push these observations to more extreme
regions of very large $Q^2$ and $\nu$.
Once the energy transfer exceeds several tens of GeV,
a further scale enters. At large $Q^2$ the $q\bar q$ fluctuation
of the photon starts out initially as a small-sized wave packet.
The time it takes for this wave packet to develop into the
final vector meson is called the formation time $\tau_f$
\cite{Nikolaev:1992si,Frankfurt:1994hf,Jain:1996dd}.
To be specific, let the observed vector meson again be a $\rho^0$.
The small initial wave packet is generally not an eigenstate of the strong
interaction Hamiltonian. Now consider expanding the wave packet in
hadronic eigenstates. Clearly, for a wave packet with a size small
compared to typical hadronic dimensions, several such eigenstates
are necessary to represent the wave function of the packet.
Let one of those hadronic eigenstates in the expansion be the
$\rho$ meson itself (mass $m_{\rho}$), let
another one be a neighboring state with larger mass
(say, $m_{\rho'} = m_{\rho} + \delta m$).
The characteristic propagation length of the $\rho$ component of the
$q\bar q$-gluon wave packet is $\lambda \simeq 2\nu/(m_{\rho}^2 + Q^2)$,
that of the neighboring state is
$\lambda' \simeq 2\nu/(m_{\rho}^2 + Q^2 + 2 m_{\rho} \,\delta m)$.
The phase difference between both states is determined by their wave
numbers $1/\lambda$ and $1/\lambda'$.
The time it takes to filter out all but the $\rho$ meson component
when passing through the nucleus is then
\begin{equation}\label{fmt}
\tau_f \sim \frac{\nu}{m_{\rho}\,\delta m}\,.
\end{equation}
Thus when $\nu$ is sufficiently large so that $\tau_f$ reaches
nuclear dimensions {\em and} $Q^2$ is large, a small-sized
$q\bar q$ wave packet induced by the photon has a chance to travel
over large distances inside nuclei and interact weakly, its cross
section being proportional to $b^2 \sim 1/Q^2$.
This phenomenon is commonly named color coherence or
color (singlet) transparency
\cite{Brodsky:1988xz,Nikolaev:1992si,Frankfurt:1994hf,Jain:1996dd}.
It has been addressed in exclusive vector meson production
experiments at FNAL (E665) \cite{Adams:1995bw} and CERN (NMC)
\cite{Arneodo:1994id}.
The interpretation of data in terms of color transparency is
still under debate (see e.g. \cite{Kopeliovich:1995bj,Abramowicz:1995hb}).
Possible future developments with nuclei at HERA
\cite{Ingelman:1996ge} could offer
an enormous extension of the accessible kinematic range.
\subsection{Nuclear shadowing in DIS at large $Q^2$}
\label{sec:shad_largeQ}
Experimental information on nuclear shadowing
in inclusive DIS is available, up to now,
only from fixed target experiments, with the
kinematic range restricted
to $Q^2\, \lsim \, 1$ GeV$^2$ at $x\ll 0.1$.
Although there are currently no data on nuclear shadowing
at large $Q^2 \gg 1$ GeV$^2$, it is nevertheless instructive
to investigate what one should expect in comparison with the
previous results at smaller $Q^2$.
Such a study is possible due to recent data on
diffractive production from the HERA collider and
has been performed in Refs.\cite{Piller:1997ny,Frankfurt:19966nx,%
Barone:1997ij}.
One finds that contributions from vector mesons
are negligible at large momentum transfers since diffractive vector
meson production is strongly suppressed at $Q^2 > 10$ GeV$^2$.
Furthermore, the ZEUS data \cite{Breitweg:1998gc} on the ratio of
diffractive to total photon-nucleon cross sections (Fig.\ref{fig:diff_tot})
suggest that diffractively produced states with large mass are
relevant at large $Q^2$.
Therefore at large $Q^2$ shadowing probes
the coherent interaction of quark-gluon configurations with large
invariant mass.
This is complementary to fixed target experiments
at FNAL (E665) and CERN (NMC) where the coherent interaction
of low mass vector mesons played a dominant role
(see Sections \ref{sssec:shad_smallQ} and \ref{ssec:Shad_Model}).
In Section \ref{sssec:sizes} we have argued that to leading order
in $1/Q^2$ shadowing is dominated by the interaction of large-size
hadronic fluctuations of the exchanged photon.
This suggests a weak energy dependence of nuclear shadowing.
However, at very small $x$ together with very large $Q^2$,
the steadily growing number of partons in the photon-nucleon system
makes quark-gluon configurations of the photon interact like
ordinary hadrons, even if they have small transverse size
proportional to $1/Q^2$ (see e.g. Eq.(\ref{eq:sigma_qq})).
As a consequence one expects a more rapid energy dependence of shadowing
as compared to the case of small $Q^2$.
On similar grounds the diffractive leptoproduction cross
section at $x \ll 0.1$ and $Q^2 \gg 1$ GeV$^2$
should rise more strongly than suggested by Regge phenomenology.
Possible indications for this behavior have been
found at HERA \cite{Adloff:1997sc,Breitweg:1998gc},
signaling the onset of a new kinematic regime with
a complex interplay between soft (large size) and hard
(small size) partonic components of the interacting photon.
A systematic investigation of strong interaction dynamics in this kinematic
region is a major challenge.
Here electron-nucleus collider experiments could give important
new insights \cite{Ingelman:1996ge}.
\subsection{Physics of high parton densities}
\label{ssec:High_parton_densities}
An elementary QCD treatment of radiative corrections
in nucleon and nuclear structure functions, or
equivalently, in quark and gluon distributions
is provided by the DGLAP evolution equations
(see Section \ref{ssec:AP_eq}).
In leading logarithmic approximation
one sums over $\alpha_s \ln Q^2/\Lambda^2$ terms,
each of which represents a quark radiating a gluon or a
gluon splitting into a $q\bar q$ or gluon pair.
A contribution $(\alpha_s \ln Q^2/\Lambda^2)^n$
is associated with the radiation from $n$ partons
in a physical gauge.
Due to radiation partons loose momentum.
Therefore DGLAP evolution leads to a rise of
quark and gluon distribution functions at small $x$:
strongly increasing numbers of partons carry smaller and smaller
fractions of the total momentum.
For example, consider gluons which dominate
the dynamics of parton distributions at small $x$.
Suppose that we are given an initial gluon distribution,
prior to radiative QCD corrections, at a momentum scale $Q_0^2$.
This initial distribution can be non-singular (finite)
at $x\to 0$. Now turn on QCD radiation and DGLAP evolution.
The resulting asymptotic behavior of the gluon distribution function
at $x \ll 1$ and large $Q^2$ is (see e.g. \cite{Gribov:1984tu}):
\begin{equation}
x g(x,Q^2) \sim \exp\left\{\frac{12}{5}
\sqrt{\ln \left(\frac{\ln(Q^2/\Lambda^2)}{\ln(Q_0^2/\Lambda^2)}\right)
\ln(1/x)}
\right\}.
\end{equation}
One observes a strong rise of $x g(x,Q^2)$ at $x \ll 1$.
This increase of the gluon density with decreasing $x$ can however
not continue indefinitely.
At very small $x$ the density of gluons becomes
so large that they interact with each other reducing their density
through annihilation.
Thus one enters a new regime of very high parton densities where
standard methods of perturbation theory are inappropriate
despite small values for the coupling $\alpha_s$,
and resummation techniques to infinite order have to be applied
(for references see e.g.
\cite{McLerran:1994ni,Jalilian-Marian:1997xn,Ayala:1997em,Kovchegov:1997dm,%
Mueller:1999wm,Kovchegov:1999yj}).
For further illustration let us view the scattering
process in a frame where the target
momentum is very large, $P = |\vec P| \rightarrow \infty$.
A measurement at
specific values of $Q^2$ and $x$ probes partons
over a longitudinal distance
$\Delta z \sim 1/(P x)$ and with a transverse size
$\Delta b \sim 1/\sqrt{Q^2}$.
Thus at small values of $x$ and moderate $Q^2$
parton wave functions overlap, leading to high parton densities,
so that the rate of parton-parton annihilation processes
increases.
This rate
involves the probability of finding at least
two partons per unit area in the nucleon \cite{Gribov:1984tu,Mueller:1986wy}.
In this respect parton recombination can be regarded as a
``non-linear'' correction to radiation processes
described by standard DGLAP evolution, where parton distribution
functions enter linearly (see e.g. Eq.(\ref{eq:DGLAP})).
The existing HERA data on free nucleon structure functions
at $Q^2\,\gsim\,1$ GeV$^2$ and $x \,\gsim \,10^{-4}$
do not show a clear sign for the need of additional parton fusion
corrections in the evolution equations
(see e.g. \cite{Cooper-Sarkar:1997jk}).
However, phenomena related to high parton densities
at small $x$ should be magnified in nuclei
since nuclear parton densities are enhanced.
For example, if shadowing is ignored and
the nuclear gluon distribution is assumed to be
the sum of the gluon distributions of
individual nucleons,
$g_{\T A}(x,Q^2) = {A}\, g_{\T N}(x,Q^2)$,
then the ratio of gluon densities in a nucleus and a nucleon per (transverse)
area is \cite{Frankfurt:1998eu}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:gN/gA_incoherent_sum}
\left.
\frac{g_{\T A}(x,Q^2)}{\pi R_{\T A}^2} \right/
\frac{g_{\T N}(x,Q^2)}{\pi r_{\T N}^2}
\approx
\frac{{\T A} \,r_{\T N}^2} {R_{\T A}^2}\approx \,0.5 \,{\T A}^{1/3},
\end{equation}
where $r_{\T N}\approx 0.8\,\rm{fm}$ and
$R_{\T A}\approx r_0 A^{1/3} \approx 1.1\,{\rm fm} \,{\T A}^{1/3}$
have been used for nucleon and nuclear radii, respectively.
Effects beyond DGLAP evolution should therefore be amplified
in nuclei and set in already at a larger value of $x$ as compared
to free nucleons.
In Ref.\cite{Mueller:1986wy,Qiu:1987wh} corrections to DGLAP evolution for
nuclear parton distributions have been calculated in the
leading logarithmic approximation taking into account
corrections due to parton-parton recombination.
The nuclear gluon distribution is written in two parts:
$x\,g_{\T A}(x,Q^2) = x\,\T A \,g_{\T N}(x,Q^2) +
\delta \left(\,x\,g_{\T A}(x,Q^2)\right)$.
The first term is associated with independent nucleons and evolves
accordingly. The second term is the
correction of interest here and
describes the interaction of gluons from different nucleons.
Its evolution due to gluon-gluon recombination reads
\cite{Mueller:1986wy,Qiu:1987wh}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:non-lin.G}
Q^2 \frac{\partial}{\partial Q^2}
\frac{\delta \left(\,x\,g_{\T A}(x,Q^2)\right)}{{\T A}} =
-\frac{81}{16}\frac{{\T A}^{1/3}}{Q^2 \,r_0^2} \,\alpha_s^2(Q^2)
\int_x^1 \frac{dx'}{x'}\left[x' g_{\T N}(x',Q^2)\right]^2.
\end{equation}
Clearly gluon-gluon recombination is enhanced in nuclei.
One finds \cite{Arneodo:1996qa,Strikman:acta96}
that the $x$-range where non-linear effects
(\ref{eq:non-lin.G}) become significant, differs for heavy
nuclei and free nucleons by more than two orders
of magnitude, assuming $x g_{\T N}(x) \sim x^{-0.2}$.
Investigations of unitarity constraints in hard two-body amplitudes
\cite{Frankfurt:1996jw} also suggest that non-linear effects at high
parton densities can be significant in nuclei at $Q^2 \sim 10$ GeV$^2$
and $x \sim 10^{-4}$.
While the kinematic bounds for the applicability of ``normal'' DGLAP
evolution are quite well defined, the dynamical mechanisms responsible
for slowing down the rapid increase of parton distributions
at large $Q^2$ and very small $x$ are not yet clear.
One is entering a new domain of QCD, dealing with partonic systems
of high density, which presents new challenges.
\bigskip
\bigskip
{\bf \large Acknowledgments}
We gratefully acknowledge many discussions and conversations with
S. Brodsky, L. Frankfurt, P. Hoyer, B. Kopeliovich, S. Kulagin, L. Mankiewicz,
W. Melnitchouk, G.A. Miller, N. Nikolaev, K. Rith, M. Sargsian, M. Strikman,
A.W. Thomas and M. V\"anttinen.
\subsection{Pion contributions to nuclear structure functions}
\label{ssec:Pion}
In conventional nuclear physics
meson exchange is responsible for the binding of nucleons in the nucleus.
Therefore deep-inelastic scattering from mesons
present in the nuclear wave function should
give additional contributions
to nuclear structure functions.
Pions, which are responsible for most of the intermediate-
and long-range nucleon-nucleon force, are supposed to play
the prominent role (see e.g.
\cite{Ericson:1983um,Berger:1985na,%
Birbrair:1989hb,Kulagin:1989mu,Jung:1990pu}).
The framework is the Sullivan process \cite{Sullivan:1972}.
Its contribution to the nucleon structure function
$F_{2}^{\T N}$ reads:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Sullivan_F}
\delta^{\pi} F_{2}^{\T N}(x) = \int_x^1 {\T d} y
\,f_{{\T{\pi/ N}}}(y)\,
F_{2}^{{\T\pi}}(x/y),
\end{equation}
where
\begin{equation}\label{eq:pion_LC_N}
f_{\T{\pi/N}}(y) = \frac{3 g^2_{\T{\pi N N}}}{16 \pi^2}
\int^{t_{min}}_{-\infty} {\T d} t
\frac{ - t |{\cal F}_{{\T{\pi N N}}}(t)|^2}{(t-m_{{\T \pi}}^2)^2}
\,y
\end{equation}
specifies the distribution of pions with light-cone momentum
fraction $y$ in the nucleon,
while $F_{2}^{{\T \pi}}$ is the pion structure function.
Equation (\ref{eq:Sullivan_F}) describes deep-inelastic scattering
from a pion emitted from its nucleon source.
The nucleon receives a momentum transfer
equal to the pion momentum $k^{\mu} = (\omega, \vec k)$.
The minimal squared momentum transfer $t=k^2$ required
for pion emission is $t_{min} = -M^2 y^2/(1-y)$.
One finds that $\delta^{\T{\pi}} F_2^{\T N}$ gets its dominant
contributions from pions with momenta
$|\vec k|\simeq 300 -400$ MeV.
Pions with smaller momenta are suppressed by the explicit
factor $y$ in Eq.(\ref{eq:pion_LC_N}), while pions with large
momenta are suppressed by the pion propagator and
the $\T{\pi N N}$ form factor ${\cal F}_{\T{\pi NN}}$
\cite{Ericson:1983um}.
The convolution ansatz
in Eq.(\ref{eq:Sullivan_F}) suffers from similar problems as
convolution for nuclear structure functions discussed
in Section \ref{ssec:binding_Fermi}:
the interacting pion is not on its mass
shell, i.e. $k^2 \approx - \vec k^2 \ne m_{\pi}^2$.
Therefore the pion structure function depends also on $k^2$.
Furthermore, final state interactions of the pion
debris with the recoil nucleon are neglected.
The detailed treatment of pionic effects in nuclei includes
the pion propagation in the medium with $\Delta$ resonance
excitation, Pauli effects and short range spin-isospin
correlations.
All these effects are incorporated in the pion-nuclear
response function $R(\vec k,\omega)$
which determines the spectrum of pionic excitations in the nuclear medium.
The resulting distribution function of pions in a nucleus is
\cite{Ericson:1983um}
\begin{equation} \label{eq:pion_LC_A}
f_{\T \pi/{\T A}} (y) = \frac{3 g^2_{\T{\pi N N}}}{16 \pi^2} y
\int_{M^2 y^2}^\infty {\T d} |\vec k|^2 \int_0^{|\vec k|-My} {\T d} \omega
\,\frac{ \vec k^2 |{\cal F}_{{ \T{\pi N N}}}(\vec k^2)|^2}
{(t-m_{{\T \pi}}^2)^2}
\,R(|\vec k|,\omega),
\end{equation}
where $t = \omega^2 - \vec k^2$.
Using the the Sullivan description (\ref{eq:Sullivan_F})
the contribution of excess pions to the nuclear structure function
$F_{2}^{\T A}$ can be calculated according to:
\begin{equation}
\delta^{\pi} F_{2}^{{\T A}}(x) =
\int_x^1 {\T d} y
\left(f_{{\T{\pi/ A}}}(y)- f_{{\T{\pi/ N}}}(y)\right)
F_{2}^{ {\T\pi}}(x/y).
\end{equation}
In the original work in Ref.\cite{Ericson:1983um},
using the empirical pion structure function,
a significant enhancement of the
ratio $F_{2}^{\T A}/F_{2}^{\T N}$ was found at $x<0.3$.
This observation was in agreement with the early
EMC data \cite{Aubert:1983}.
Later data on nuclear
structure functions showed only a minor enhancement
around $x\simeq 0.15$ (see Section \ref{subs:Nucl_F2}).
In addition Drell-Yan data from E772 \cite{Alde:1990im}
have demonstrated that the antiquark distribution in nuclei
is not significantly enhanced as compared to free nucleons,
in disagreement with the first pion model
calculations.
However, as already emphasized in Ref.\cite{Ericson:1983um}, the
pion contribution to nuclear structure functions is
very sensitive to the
strength of repulsive short range spin-isospin correlations in nuclei.
Variations of this strength by $15\%$ can easily lead to
$30\%$ changes in $\delta^{\T{\pi}} F_{2}^{\T A}$.
While it is not difficult to accommodate the
very small observed pionic enhancement within such uncertainties,
it is still a challange to arrive at a consistant overall picture
of nuclear DIS which rigorously satisfies the requirements of
the momentum sum rule.
\subsection{Further notes}
Related studies of pion field effects as well as other nuclear medium
corrections and their implications on nuclear DIS have been performed in
Refs.\cite{Brown:1995su,Miller:1996qg,Dieperink:1997iv,Koltun:1997py}.
These studies include calculations within the delta-hole model
\cite{Dieperink:1997iv}, the role of NN correlations and the energy dependence
of nuclear response functions \cite{Koltun:1997py}, possible effects of
``Brown-Rho scaling'' on nuclear structure functions \cite{Brown:1995su},
and implications of low-energy pion-nucleus scattering data for nuclear
deep-inelastic scattering and Drell-Yan production
\cite{Miller:1996qg}.
Some further investigations use a relativistic many-body approach
to treat mesonic and binding corrections to
reproduce nuclear effects in the EMC and Drell-Yan measurements
\cite{Marco:1996vb,Marco:1997xb}.
From the point of view of nuclear many-body theory, the best nuclear
wave functions have been employed in
Refs.\cite{Benhar:1997emc,Benhar:1998gb},
treating both short and long range correlations in nuclear matter
and helium at the most advanced level.
Two-nucleon correlations turn out to be important in
nuclear DIS.
It should be mentioned, however, that the results of
\cite{Marco:1996vb,Benhar:1997emc,Benhar:1998gb} have met with some
debate concerning the proper choice of the ``flux factor''.
Questions of rigorous baryon number conservation
\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt}
have also been raised.
It has been suggested to investigate intrinsic properties of
bound nucleons in semi-inclusive deep-inelastic scattering
from nuclei
\cite{Frankfurt:1985cv,Melnitchouk:1996vp,Simula:1996xk,CiofidegliAtti:1993ep}.
Measuring the scattered lepton in coincidence with
the residual nuclear system should provide detailed
information on changes in bound nucleon structure functions.
Possible experiments are discussed at HERMES
\cite{Ingelman:1996ge}.
\section{Deep-inelastic scattering from polarized nuclei}
\setcounter{section}{7}
\setcounter{figure}{0}
\label{sec:Pol_DIS}
Understanding the spin structure of the proton and the neutron
is a central issue in QCD. Both the polarized neutron and proton
structure functions, $g_1^{\rm n}$ and $g_1^{\rm p}$, are needed
in the investigation of flavor singlet quark spin distributions
(see e.g. Ref.\cite{Anselmino:1995gn}), and in the experimental
test of the fundamental Bjorken sum rule (\ref{eq:Bj-SR}).
Since free neutron targets are not available one must
resort to polarized nuclei, such as the deuteron and $^{3}\rm{He}$,
where the neutron spin plays a well defined role in building up
the total polarization of the nuclear target.
Polarized deep-inelastic scattering from deuterium
\cite{Adeva:1998vv,Anthony:1999rm,Anthony:1999py,Abe:1998wq}
and
$^{3}\rm{He}$
\cite{Abe:1997qk,Ackerstaff:1997ws,Abe:1997cx}
has been studied with
high precision.
In order to deduce accurate information about the individual
nucleon spin structure functions from these data, it is essential
to correct for genuine nuclear effects.
In addition, the presence of the tensor interaction between
nucleons in nuclei creates specific spin effects which are of interest
in their own right.
\subsection{Effective polarization}
As discussed in Section \ref{Sec:space_time}, nuclear structure functions at
Bjorken-$x > 0.2$ are dominated by the incoherent scattering
from bound nucleons.
For polarized nuclei, the non-trivial spin-orbit structure
of the wave functions causes new effects.
Bound nucleons can carry orbital angular momentum, so
their polarization vectors need not be aligned with the total polarization of
the target nucleus:
depolarization effects occur.
In order to describe such nuclear depolarization phenomena
it is useful to introduce effective polarizations for
nucleons bound in the nucleus.
Let $|A \uparrow\rangle$ represent a nuclear state polarized
in the $z$-direction. Then the effective polarization of
protons or neutrons in that nucleus is
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:nucleon_polarizations}
{\cal P}_{\T p}^{\T A} &=&
\left \langle A \uparrow \right| \sum_{i=protons} \sigma_z (i)
\left| A \uparrow \right \rangle,
\\
{\cal P}_{\T n}^{\T A} &=&
\left \langle A \uparrow \right| \sum_{i=neutrons} \sigma_z (i)
\left| A \uparrow \right \rangle.
\end{eqnarray}
When the nuclear depolarization effects are described entirely
in terms of these effective polarizations of bound nucleons,
the nucleon spin structure functions
(say, $g_1^{\T A}$ and $g_2^{\T A}$) have the following simple additive
form:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:g1A_depol}
g_{1,2}^{\T A}(x,Q^2) = {\cal P}_{\T p}^{\T A} \, g_{1,2}^{\T p}(x,Q^2)
+ {\cal P}_{\T n}^{\T A} \, g_{1,2}^{\T n}(x,Q^2).
\end{equation}
Nuclear depolarization effects are important over the whole
kinematic range of recent measurements.
Within the impulse approximation these effects exceed
by far the influence of nuclear binding and Fermi motion
at $0.2 < x < 0.7$ (see Section \ref{ssec:pol_DIS_largex}).
\subsection{Depolarization in deuterium and
$^{3}$He}
In case of the deuteron the effective proton
and neutron polarizations are simply determined by
the D-state admixture in the deuteron wave function,
induced by the tensor interaction between proton and neutron
in the spin triplet state. One finds:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:nucleon_polarization_d}
{\cal P}_{\T p}^{\T d} = {\cal P}_{\T n}^{\T d} = 1-\frac{3}{2} P_{\T D}
\end{equation}
where $P_{\T D}$ is the D-state probability.
The numerical values of
${\cal P}_{\T {p,n}}^{\T d}$ range between $0.91$ and $0.94$
using deuteron wave functions calculated with
the Paris \cite{Lacombe:1980dr} or Bonn \cite{Machleidt:1987hj}
nucleon-nucleon potential, respectively.
Apart from the interest in neutron spin structure functions
the deuteron with its triplet spin structure
is of interest all by itself.
Its spin-$1$ property leads to additional structure functions as
given in Eq.(\ref{eq:hadten_A}).
In particular, the new spin structure functions $b_1$ and $b_2$
are accessible in deep-inelastic scattering from polarized
deuterons and can be investigated in forthcoming
HERMES measurements \cite{Jackson94}.
Polarized $^3\T{He}$ can be viewed, to a first approximation,
as a polarized neutron target, with
the proton-neutron subsystem in a spin singlet configuration
and the surplus neutron carrying the spin of the three-body
system.
Corrections to this picture come from the admixture of
S$'$- and D-wave components to the
$^3\T{He}$ wave function.
The consequence is that the effective neutron polarization
is reduced from unity,
and the effective proton polarization does not vanish:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:pn_He}
{\cal P}_{\T n}^{\T{He}} &=& 1 -\frac{2}{3} P_{\T S'} -
\frac{4}{3} P_{\T D}
= 0.86 \pm 0.02,
\\
\label{eq:pp_He}
{\cal P}_{\T p}^{\T{He}} &=& - \frac{2}{3}
\left(P_{\T D} - P_{\T S'} \right)
= - 0.056 \pm 0.008.
\end{eqnarray}
These results are obtained from three-body calculations using
realistic nucleon-nucleon interactions \cite{CiofidegliAtti:1993zs},
omitting however effects from meson exchange
currents (see Section \ref{subs:Helium})
\subsection{Nuclear coherence effects in polarized deep-inelastic scattering}
\label{sec:Coh_Pol}
Coherence phenomena such as shadowing at small Bjorken-$x$ are dominated
by the interaction of diffractively excited hadronic states with
several nucleons over large longitudinal distances in the
target nucleus.
The characteristic space-time properties of DIS are independent of
the target or beam polarization.
Therefore, nuclear coherence effects are also expected in polarized
scattering.
We explore such effects in the following for deuterium and $^3\T{He}$.
\subsubsection{Polarized single and double scattering in the deuteron}
Consider the deuteron spin structure functions $g_1^{\T d}$ and $b_1$
at small values of the Bjorken variable, $x<0.1$.
Following the discussion in Section \ref{ssec:nucl_str_fns}, these structure
functions can be expressed in terms of virtual photon-deuteron helicity
amplitudes.
At large $Q^2$ in the Bjorken limit which we keep throughout this section,
only the helicity conserving amplitudes enter.
As usual, we choose a right-handed, transversely polarized (virtual)
photon (index ``$+$'') for reference.
We denote the helicity conserving $\gamma^*\T d$ amplitudes
by ${\cal A}^{\gamma^*\T d}_{+ {H}}$, where ${H}=0,+,-$
refers to the helicity state of the polarized deuteron, and we choose the
direction defined by the photon momentum $\vec q$ as quantization axis.
The spin structure functions of interest are then expressed as
(\ref{eq:g1A_hel},\ref{eq:b1_hel})
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:g1d_hel}
g_1^{\mathrm d} &=& \frac{1}{4 \pi e^2} \T{Im} \,\left(
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{d}}_{+-}-{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm {d}}_{++}
\right),\\
\label{eq:b1d_hel}
b_1 &=& \frac{1}{4 \pi e^2} \T{Im} \,\left(
2 {\cal A}^{\gamma^* \mathrm{d}}_{+0}-
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{d}}_{++}-
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{d}}_{+-}
\right).
\end{eqnarray}
Let us now decompose ${\cal A}^{\gamma^*\T d}_{+ {H}}$ into incoherent,
single scattering terms and a coherent double scattering contribution.
We will use the non-relativistic deuteron wave function,
\begin{eqnarray} \label{psi}
\psi_{H}(\vec{r})&=&\frac{1}{\sqrt{4\pi}}\left[\frac{u(r)}{r}+
\frac{v(r)}{r}\frac{1}{\sqrt{8}}\hat{S}_{12}(\hat{\vec{r}})
\right]\chi_{{H}},
\end{eqnarray}
where $r=|\vec r|$, and $\chi_{H}$ denotes the
$S=1$ spin wave function of the deuteron.
The tensor operator
$\hat{S}_{12}(\hat{\vec {r}}) =
3 (\vec \sigma_{\mathrm p}\cdot \vec r)
(\vec \sigma_{\mathrm{n}}\cdot \vec r)/r^2 -
\vec \sigma_{\mathrm{p}}\cdot \vec \sigma_{\mathrm{n}}$,
and $u(r)$, $v(r)$ are the S- and D-state radial wave functions
normalized as $\int_0^{\infty} {\T d} r \,[u^2(r)+v^2(r)] =1$.
The D-state probability is
$P_{\mathrm D} = \int_0^{\infty} {\T d} r \,v^2(r)$.
We have $P_{\T D} \simeq 5.8\%$ for the Paris potential
\cite{Lacombe:1980dr}
and $P_{\T D} \simeq 4.3\%$ for the Bonn potential
\cite{Machleidt:1987hj}.
In the polarized deuteron, the proton or neutron can have
their spins either parallel or antiparallel with respect to the
$z$-axis defined by $\vec q/|\vec q|$.
Let the corresponding projection operators be
$P^{\mathrm{p},\mathrm{n}}_{\uparrow}$ and
$P^{\mathrm{p},\mathrm{n}}_{\downarrow}$, respectively.
The amplitude for single scattering of the virtual photon from a proton
in the polarized deuteron is:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:A_1wf}
{\cal A}^{\gamma^* \mathrm{p}}_{+ {H}}
&=&\int {\T d}^3r \,
\psi^{\dag}_{{H}}(\vec{r})
\left( P^{\mathrm{p}}_{\uparrow}{A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{p}}_{+\uparrow}+
P^{\mathrm{p}}_{\downarrow}{A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{p}}_{+\downarrow} \right)
\,\psi_{{H}}(\vec{r}),
\end{eqnarray}
with the helicity conserving $\gamma^*$-proton amplitudes
${\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{p}}_{+ \uparrow}$ and
${\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{p}}_{+ \downarrow}$.
The analogous amplitudes for single scattering from the neutron
are obtained by the replacement
$[\T p \leftrightarrow \T {n}]$.
We then have
${\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{d}}_{+{H}} =
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{p}}_{+{H}}+
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{n}}_{+{H}}$ at the
single scattering level.
Combining with Eqs.(\ref{eq:g1_helicity},\ref{eq:g1d_hel}) one finds
\begin{equation} \label{eq:g_1d_single}
g_1^{\T d}=\left(1-\frac{3}{2}P_{\T D}\right)(g_1^{\T p}+g_1^{\T n})
=2 {\cal P}^{\T d} \,g_1^{\T N},
\end{equation}
where ${\cal P}^{\T d}$ is the effective nucleon
polarization (\ref{eq:nucleon_polarization_d}) in the deuteron and
$g_1^{\T N} = (g_1^{\T p}+g_1^{\T n})/2$.
Of course, $b_1 = 0$ at the single scattering level since
nucleons as spin $1/2$ objects do not have a structure function $b_1$.
Next we concentrate on the coherent double scattering amplitude,
\begin{equation}
\delta {\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{d}}_{+{H}}
= {\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{d}}_{+{H}} -
\left(
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{p}}_{+{H}}+
{\cal A}^{\gamma^*\mathrm{n}}_{+{H}}
\right)
\end{equation}
which simultaneously involves both the proton and the
neutron.
At $x < 0.1$ this amplitude is dominated, as in
the unpolarized case, by diffractive production and
rescattering of intermediate hadronic states,
but now with the polarized target nucleons excited by
polarized virtual photons.
We introduce the diffractive production amplitudes
$T^{\T{XN}}_{+\uparrow}(k)$
and
$T^{\T{XN}}_{+\downarrow}(k)$
which describe the diffractive production
process $\gamma^* \T N \rightarrow \T X \T N$
for right handed photons on polarized nucleons,
with momentum transfer $k$.
Following steps similar to those described in
Section \ref{ssec:shad_deu}, one finds
\cite{Edelmann:1997ik,Edelmann:1997qe}:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:A_2_ds}
\delta{\cal A}^{\gamma^* \mathrm{d}}_{+H}&=&\frac{i}{2M \nu}\sum_{\T X}
\int\frac{d^2k_{\perp}}{(2\pi)^2}\int d^2 b\,
e^{i\vec{k}_{\perp}\cdot\vec{b}}
\int_{-\infty}^0dz\,
e^{i {z}/{\lambda}}\nonumber\\
&&\psi^{\dag}_{H}(\vec{r})
\left(
P^{\T p}_{\uparrow}T^{\T{Xp}}_{+\uparrow}(k)+P^{\T p}_{\downarrow}
T^{\T{Xp}}_{+\downarrow}(k)\right)\,\left(
P^{\T n}_{\uparrow}T^{\T{Xn}}_{+\uparrow}(k)+P^{\T n}_{\downarrow}
T^{\T{Xn}}_{+\downarrow}(k)\right)
\psi_{H}(\vec{r}),
\end{eqnarray}
with the longitudinal propagation length
$\lambda = 2\nu \,(M_{\T X}^2 + Q^2)^{-1}$ of the diffractively
produced intermediate system.
We recall from Section \ref{ssec:DIS_SPTH} that a hadronic fluctuation of mass
$M_{\T X}$ contributes to coherent double scattering only if its propagation
length $\lambda$ exceeds the deuteron diameter,
$\langle r^2 \rangle_{\T d} ^{1/2} \simeq 4\,\T{fm}$.
In the following we approximate the dependence of the
diffractive production amplitudes on the
momentum transfer $t = k^2 \approx - \vec k_{\perp}^2$ by:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:T_ampl_approx}
T^{\T {XN}}(k) \approx e^{- B \,\vec k_{\perp}^2 /2 }
\,T^{\T {XN}},
\end{equation}
with the forward amplitude $T^{\T{XN}} \equiv T^{\T{XN}}(\vec k = 0)$.
Various data on diffractive leptoproduction at $Q^2\,\lsim \,3\,\T{GeV}^2$
suggest an average slope $B \simeq (5 \dots 10) \,\T{GeV}^{-2}$
(for references see e.g. \cite{Crittenden:1997yz,Abramowicz:1998ii}).
We then define the integrated (longitudinal) form factor
\begin{equation} \label{eq:F_H}
{\cal F}_{H}^B(\lambda^{-1})=
\int\frac{d^2k_{\perp}}{(2\pi)^2}\,
\,S_H(\vec k_{\perp},\lambda^{-1}) \, e^{-B \,\vec k_{\perp}^2},
\end{equation}
where
\begin{equation} \label{eq:FF_H}
S_{H}(\vec k)=\int
d^3r\,|\psi_{H}(\vec r )|^2 e^{i\vec k \cdot \vec r}
\end{equation}
is the conventional helicity-dependent deuteron form factor.
Next we introduce helicity dependent diffractive production
cross sections for transversely polarized virtual photons by:
\begin{equation}
\frac {1}{8 M^2 \nu^2}\sum _{\T X}
\left(|T^{\T X \T p}_{+\uparrow}|^2 + |T^{\T X \T n}_{+\uparrow}|^2 \right)
=
16\pi \int_{4m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} {\T d} M_{\T X}^2
\left.\frac{d^2\sigma_{\uparrow}^{\gamma^*_\perp {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t = 0},
\end{equation}
and a corresponding expression for
$d^2\sigma_{\downarrow}^{\gamma^*_\perp {\T N}}$,
with the center-of-mass energy $W$ of the $\gamma^* \T N$ system.
The resulting coherent double scattering correction to the
spin structure function $g_1^{\T d}$ becomes \cite{Edelmann:1997ik}:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:delta_g1}
\delta g_1^{\T d}(x,Q^2) &=&
-\frac{2 \,Q^2}{e^2 x}\int_{4 m_\pi^2}^{W^2} {\T d} M_X^2
\left[
\frac{d^2\sigma^{\gamma^*_\perp \T N}_{\downarrow}}
{dM_{\T X}^2 dt} -
\frac{d^2\sigma^{\gamma^*_\perp \T N}_{\uparrow}}
{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right]_{t = 0}
{\cal F}^B_+(\lambda^{-1}).
\end{eqnarray}
Similarly one obtains for $b_1$
from Eqs.(\ref{eq:b1d_hel},\ref{eq:A_2_ds})
\cite{Edelmann:1997ik,Nikolaev:1997jy,Edelmann:1997qe}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:b1_ds}
b_1=\frac{2 \,Q^2}{e^2 x}
\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} dM_X^2
\,\left.\frac{d^2\sigma^{\gamma^*_T \T N}}
{dM_X^2 dt}\right|_{t=0}
\,\left(
{\cal F}^B_+(\lambda^{-1}) + {\cal F}^B_-(\lambda^{-1})
- 2 {\cal F}^B_0(\lambda^{-1}) \right).
\end{equation}
\subsubsection{Shadowing in $\lowercase{g}_1^{\lowercase{\T d}}$}
\label{sssec:shad_in_g1d}
The difference of polarized diffractive virtual photoproduction cross
sections which enters in Eq.(\ref{eq:delta_g1}) has so far
not yet been measured.
Nevertheless it is possible to estimate the shadowing correction
$\delta g_1$ to an accuracy which is sufficient for a reliable
extraction of the neutron structure function $g_1^{\T n}$ from
current experimental data.
With inclusion of
shadowing and the effective nucleon polarization
in the deuteron one finds:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:g1n_est}
g_1^{\T n} \approx
\frac{ {\cal P}^{\T d} - \delta g_1^{\T d}/(2 g_1^{\T N})}
{({\cal P}^{\T d})^2}
\, g_1^{\T d} - g_1^{\T p}.
\end{equation}
The measured spin structure functions have the property
$|g_1^{\T d}| < |g_1^{\T p}|$, at least for $x > 0.01$ \cite{Adeva:1998vw}.
This implies that, at the present level of data accuracy,
shadowing effects
and uncertainties in the deuteron D-state probability do not
play a major role in the extraction of $g_1^{\T n}$.
To estimate the amount of shadowing in $g_1^{\T d}$ and its influence on
the extraction of $g_1^{\T n}$ one can study
the double scattering contribution (\ref{eq:delta_g1})
in the framework of a simple model.
In the laboratory frame at small $x < 0.1$
the exchanged virtual photon first converts to a
hadronic state X which then interacts with the target
(see Section \ref{ssec:DIS_SPTH}),
dominant contributions coming from hadronic states
with invariant mass $M_{\T X}^2 \sim Q^2$.
Consider therefore a single effective hadronic state with
a coherence length $\lambda \sim 1/(2Mx)$.
Comparing shadowing for unpolarized and
polarized structure functions gives \cite{Edelmann:1997ik}:
\footnote{Note that shadowing corrections
in unpolarized structure functions,
$\delta F_{1,2}^{\T d} = F_{1,2}^{\T d} -
(F_{1,2}^{\T p} - F_{1,2}^{\T n})/2$,
are defined {\em per nucleon}, as $F_{1,2}^{\T d}$ themselves.}
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:g1_F1}
\frac{\delta g_1^{\T d}}{2 g_1^{\T N}} \approx {\cal R}_{g_1}
\frac{\delta F_1^{\T d}}{F_1^{\T N}}
\approx
{\cal R}_{g_1} \frac{\delta F_2^{\T d}}{F_2^{\T N}},
\quad \mbox{with}\quad
{\cal R}_{g_1} = 2
\frac{{\cal F}^{B}_{+}(2Mx)}{{\cal F}^{B}(2Mx)}.
\end{eqnarray}
At small $x$ and $B = 7$ GeV$^{-2}$
one finds ${\cal R}_{g_1} = 2.2$ for both the Paris
and Bonn nucleon-nucleon potentials
\cite{Lacombe:1980dr,Machleidt:1987hj}.
Although shadowing for $g_1^{\T d}$ turns out to be approximately
twice as large as for the unpolarized structure function $F_2^{\T d}$, it
still leads to negligible effects on the extraction of $g_1^{\T n}$,
at least at the present level of experimental accuracy.
Using the experimental data on shadowing for $F_2^{\T d}$
\cite{Adams:1995sh}
one finds that the shadowing correction in (\ref{eq:g1n_est})
amounts at $x \sim 0.01$ to less than $5\%$ of the experimental error on
$g_1^{\T n}$ for the SMC analysis \cite{Adams:1997hc}.
\subsubsection{The tensor structure function ${\lowercase{ b}_1}$
at small $\lowercase{x}$}
The shadowing correction for the unpolarized
structure function $\delta F_{1}^{\T d}$ and
the deuteron tensor structure function $b_1$
are directly related.
In order to see this, note again that
the propagation lengths (\ref{eq:coherence}) of
diffractively produced hadrons exceed the deuteron size
$\lambda > \langle r^2\rangle_{\T d} \approx 4\,\T{fm}$
at small $x$.
The deuteron form factors become approximately constant,
i.e. ${\cal F}^{B}_{H} (\lambda^{-1} < 1/4\,\T{fm})
\approx {\cal F}^{B}_{H} (0)$,
and a comparison with the double scattering correction for the
unpolarized structure function (\ref{eq:approx}) gives
\cite{Edelmann:1997ik}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:b1_est}
b_1= {\cal R}_{b_1} \,\delta F_1,
\quad \mbox{with}\quad
{\cal R}_{b_1} = 2 \,\frac{{\cal F}^{B}_{0}(0)-{\cal F}^{B}_{+}(0)}
{{\cal F}^{B} (0)}.
\end{equation}
With $B = 7$ GeV$^{-2}$ we find from the
Paris nucleon-nucleon potential \cite{Lacombe:1980dr}
${\cal R}_{b_1} = -0.66$, while the Bonn
one-boson-exchange potential \cite{Machleidt:1987hj} leads to
${\cal R}_{b_1} = -0.58$.
Using data for $F_2^{\T d}/F_2^{\T N}$
\cite{Adams:1995sh} one can estimate $b_1$ at small $x$
and finds that it reaches
about $2\%$ of the unpolarized structure function
$F_1^{\T N}$ at $x\ll 0.1$ \cite{Edelmann:1997ik,Strikman:1996YALE}.
In Fig.\ref{fig:b1} we present $b_1$ as obtained from Eq.(\ref{eq:b1_est}).
The result shown here corresponds to the kinematics of E665
\cite{Adams:1995sh}.
Estimates of $b_1$ at large $Q^2\gg 1$GeV$^2$ and small $x\ll 0.1$
can be found in \cite{Nikolaev:1997jy}.
It should be mentioned that the magnitude of $b_1$
at $x<0.1$ exceeds estimates from previous model
calculations
which are applicable at moderate and large $x$,
by several orders of magnitude
(see e.g. \cite{Khan:1991qk,Umnikov:1997qv}).
Unfortunately, the effect of $b_1$ in the observable asymmetry,
which is proportional to $b_1/F_1^{\T d}$, is only of the order
of $10^{-2}$, as already mentioned.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/b1_changed.eps,height=70mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
Double scattering contribution to the
tensor structure function $b_1$ from \cite{Edelmann:1997ik} .
The dotted and dashed curves correspond to the Bonn \cite{Machleidt:1987hj}
and Paris potential \cite{Lacombe:1980dr}, respectively.
}
\label{fig:b1}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{The $^3$He case}
\label{subs:Helium}
Although $^3\T{He}$ would appear to be an ideal neutron target
because of its large effective neutron polarization (\ref{eq:pn_He}),
the extraction of neutron spin structure functions
nevertheless requires dealing with significant nuclear effects.
We concentrate again on the structure function $g_1$ at small
values of $x$.
As for deuterium two types of corrections are relevant:
higher angular momentum components of the $^3\T{He}$ wave
function lead to effective proton and neutron polarizations
(\ref{eq:pn_He},\ref{eq:pp_He}).
Furthermore, the coherent interaction of the
virtual photon
with several nucleons causes shadowing.
Accounting for both effects the neutron structure function
can be deduced from $g_1^{\T{He}}$ as follows:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:g_1^n(He)_a}
g_1^{\mathrm n} \approx
\frac{{\cal P}_{\mathrm n}^{\T{He}} -
\delta g_1^{\T He}/g_1^{\mathrm n}}
{({\cal P}_{\mathrm n}^{\T{He}})^2} \,
g_1^{\mathrm{He}} -
\frac{{\cal P}_{\mathrm p}^{\T{He}}}
{{\cal P}_{\mathrm n}^{\T{He}}} \,g_1^{\mathrm p}.
\end{equation}
Since $|{\cal P}_{\mathrm p}^{\T{He}}| \ll
|{\cal P}_{\mathrm n}^{\T{He}}|$
the proton contribution in (\ref{eq:g_1^n(He)_a}) is
indeed suppressed.
Uncertainties in the effective nucleon polarizations which
may influence the extraction of $g_1^{\T n}$,
result also from non-nucleonic degrees of freedom, e.g. mesons and
$\Delta$-isobars, present in $^3$He.
In Ref.\cite{Frankfurt:1996nf} this is demonstrated for
the non-singlet nucleon and $\T A=3$ structure functions:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:g1ns_1}
&&
\Delta g_1^{\T A = 1} (x,Q^2) = g_1^{\T p}(x,Q^2) - g_1^{\T n}(x,Q^2),
\\
\label{eq:g1ns_3}
&&
\Delta g_1^{\T A = 3} (x,Q^2) =
g_1^{\T{H}}(x,Q^2) - g_1^{\T{He}}(x,Q^2),
\end{eqnarray}
where $g_1^{\mathrm{H}}$ is the triton spin structure function.
From the effective nucleon polarizations
(\ref{eq:pn_He},\ref{eq:pp_He}) and
isospin symmetry of the three-body nuclear wave function
one obtains:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:g13/g11}
\Delta g_1^{\T A = 3} =
\left(1 -\frac{4}{3} P_{\T S'} - \frac{2}{3} P_{\T D}\right)
\Delta g_1^{\T A = 1}.
\end{equation}
Applying the Bjorken sum rule (\ref{eq:Bj-SR})
to the $\T A = 1$ and $\T A = 3$ systems and taking their
ratio leads to:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Bj_A=1/3}
\frac
{\int_0^1 dx
\left[ g_1^{\mathrm{He}}(x,Q^2) - g_1^{\mathrm{H}}(x,Q^2)
\right]}
{\int_0^1 dx
\left[ g_1^{n}(x,Q^2) - g_1^{p}(x,Q^2)
\right]}
= \frac{G_A(^3\mathrm{H})}{G_A(\mathrm{n})}.
\end{equation}
The axial vector coupling constants
$G_A(^3\mathrm{H})$ and $G_A(\mathrm{n})$ are
measured in the $\beta$-decay of tritium and
the neutron, respectively, with $G_A(\T n) \equiv g_A = 1.26$
\cite{Caso:1998tx}.
If one considers incoherent scattering from
individual nucleons and accounts only for the effective
nucleon polarizations one finds from
Eqs.(\ref{eq:g13/g11},\ref{eq:Bj_A=1/3}):
\begin{equation}
\frac{G_A(^3\mathrm{H})}{g_A} =
1 -\frac{4}{3} P_{\T S'} - \frac{2}{3} P_{\T D}
=0.922 \pm 0.006.
\end{equation}
This result is however at variance with the empirical ratio
${G_A(^3\mathrm{H})}/{g_A}\approx 0.963\pm 0.003$
\cite{Budick:1991zb,Caso:1998tx}.
One concludes that simply using effective
nucleon polarizations from realistic three-nucleon calculations
would lead to a violation of the Bjorken sum rule
by approximately $4\%$ \cite{Frankfurt:1996nf,Kaptari:1990qt}.
On the other hand,
it is known from nuclear $\beta$-decay and Gamov-Teller transitions
that axial coupling constants in nuclei are renormalized by
meson exchange currents and $\Delta$-isobars \cite{Ericson:1988gk}.
The possible influence of these non-nucleonic degrees of freedom
on the extraction of $g_1^{\T n}$ has to be carefully
investigated \cite{Frankfurt:1996nf}.
At small values $x<0.1$
of the Bjorken variable,
coherent multiple scattering
from several nucleons in the target leads to the
shadowing correction $\delta g_1$.
Assuming again, as in Section \ref{sssec:shad_in_g1d},
that the photon-nucleus scattering
at small $x$ can be represented by the interaction of
one effective hadronic fluctuation
with invariant mass $M_{\T X}^2 \sim Q^2$, one finds \cite{Frankfurt:1996nf}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:shad_g1He_approx}
\frac{g_1^{\T{He}}}{g_1^{\mathrm{n}}}
\approx
\left(2 \,\frac{F_2^{{\mathrm{He}}}}{F_2^{\mathrm N}} - 1\right),
\end{equation}
i.e. shadowing in $g_1^{\T {He}}$ is about
twice as large as for the unpolarized structure function
$F_2^{\mathrm{He}}$.
This is also true for shadowing in the non-singlet structure
function $\Delta g_1^{\T A = 3}$ \cite{Frankfurt:1996nf}.
A similar result has been found for the polarized
deuterium case, see e.g. (\ref{eq:g1_F1}).
In Ref.\cite{Frankfurt:1996nf}
the shadowing correction (\ref{eq:shad_g1He_approx})
has been combined with the nuclear Bjorken sum rule (\ref{eq:Bj_A=1/3}).
In the nuclear case, shadowing
reduces the small-$x$ contribution to the Bjorken integral.
Consequently the non-singlet nuclear structure function
must be enhanced, i.e. $\Delta g_1^{\T A=3} > \Delta g_1^{\T A=1}$,
somewhere in the region $x \,\gsim \,0.1$.
This is suggested to occur around $x\sim 0.1$, where
the projectile may still interact with two nucleons inside the
target.
As a consequence a significant anti-shadowing is obtained
in this kinematic region.
The dynamical origin for such an
enhancement is supposed to be independent of
the flavor channel considered, so that this
is also expected to occur for $g_1^{\T{He}}$.
To summarize this discussion we emphasize that a precise
extraction of the neutron spin structure function $g_1^{\T n}$
from $^3\T{He}$ data at $x \lsim 0.2$ requires a careful
analysis of nuclear effects due to non-nucleonic
(e.g. meson and $\Delta$-isobar) degrees of freedom
in the $^3\T{He}$ wave function and a detailed understanding of
shadowing and anti-shadowing effects.
The use of deuterium as a target may have advantages since non-nucleonic
admixtures are supposed to be smaller
due to weaker nuclear binding.
Furthermore, especially at small $x$ the influence of
shadowing on the extraction of $g_1^{\T n}$ is less
pronounced for deuterium as compared to $^3$He.
\subsection{Polarized deep-inelastic scattering from nuclei at
$x>0.2$}
\label{ssec:pol_DIS_largex}
At moderate and large values of $x$, the distances probed by
DIS from nuclei are smaller than $2$ fm as outlined in
Section \ref{Sec:space_time}.
Incoherent interactions of the virtual photon with hadronic
constituents of the nucleus dominate,
and the usual starting point is a description based on the impulse
approximation including nucleon degrees of freedom only
\cite{Kulagin:1995cj,CiofidegliAtti:1993zs,Woloshyn:1985,Schulze:1997rz}.
This approach is not without question, but not much
progress has so far been made beyond that level.
In the following we first discuss general features of the nuclear
spin structure functions $g_1^{\T A}$ and
$g_T^{\T A}= g_1^{\T A}+ g_2^{\T A}$
in the framework of the impulse approximation.
The nuclear target is treated non-relativistically.
This allows, as in the unpolarized case, to factorize nucleon and nuclear
degrees of freedom, introducing structure functions of
nucleons as bound quasi-particles.
The nuclear structure functions are then given as two-dimensional
convolutions of the bound nucleon structure functions and the nucleon
light-cone momentum distributions \cite{Kulagin:1995cj}:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:g_1^A_conv}
g_1^{\T A}(x)
&=&
\sum_{{i = 1}}^A \int\!dp^2\int\limits_x\frac{dy}y\,
D_1^{i}(y,p^2)\,g_1^{i}\!\left(\frac{x}y,p^2\right), \\
\label{eq:g_T^A_conv}
g_T^{\T A}(x)
&=&
\sum_{{i = 1}}^A \int\!dp^2\int\limits_x\frac{dy}y\,
\left[ D_T^{i}(y,p^2)\,g_T^{i}\!\left(\frac{x}y,p^2\right)
+ D_{T2}^{i}(y,p^2)\,g_2^{\T i}\!\left(\frac xy,p^2\right)
\right].
\end{eqnarray}
Here we have suppressed the $Q^2$-dependence for simplicity.
The expressions in
Eqs.(\ref{eq:g_1^A_conv}, \ref{eq:g_T^A_conv})
resemble the result for the unpolarized
nuclear structure function in Eq.(\ref{F2A}):
the exchanged virtual photon scatters from quarks
which carry a fraction $x/y$ of the light-cone momentum
of their parent nucleons, which in turn
have a fraction $y = p^+/M$ of the nuclear
light-cone momentum and a squared four-momentum $p^2$.
The nucleon distribution functions in
Eqs.(\ref{eq:g_1^A_conv},\ref{eq:g_T^A_conv})
are given by:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:nucl_distr_pol,1}
D_1(y,p^2)
&=& \int\!\frac{{\T d}^4{p'}}{(2\pi)^4}\
{\rm tr}
\left[ {\cal S}_{\|}(p')
\left( \widehat{\Sigma}_0 + \widehat{\Sigma}_z\right)
\right]
\delta \left( y - \frac{p'^{+}}{M} \right)
\delta \left( p^{2} - p'^{2} \right), \\
\label{eq:nucl_distr_pol,T}
D_T(y,p^2)
&=& \int\!\frac{{\T d}^4 p'}{(2\pi)^4}\
{\rm tr}
\left[ {\cal S}_{\perp}(p')\
\widehat{\Sigma}_\perp
\right]
\delta \left( y - \frac{p'^+}{M} \right)
\delta \left( p^2 - p'^2 \right), \\
\label{eq:nucl_distr_pol,T2}
D_{T2}(y,p^2)
&=& \int\!\frac{{\T d}^4{p'}}{(2\pi)^4}\
{\rm tr}
\left[ {\cal S}_{\perp}(p')\
\widehat{\cal T}_2
\right]
\delta \left( y - \frac{p'^+}{M} \right)
\delta \left( p^2 - p'^2 \right),
\end{eqnarray}
with the polarized nucleon spectral function:
\begin{equation}\label{eq:spectral_pol}
{\cal S}_{\sigma\sigma'}(p)
= 2\pi \sum_n
\delta \left(p_0 - M - \varepsilon_n + T_R \right)
\psi_{n,\sigma}({\vec p}) \psi^{*}_{n,\sigma'}({\vec p}).
\end{equation}
Here the summation is performed over the complete set of
states with $A-1$ nucleons.
The functions $\psi_{n,\sigma}({\vec p})
= \left\langle (\T A-1)_n,-{\vec p}|\psi_\sigma(0)|\T A \right\rangle$
are the probability amplitudes to find a nucleon
with polarization $\sigma$ in the nuclear ground state
and the remaining $A-1$
nucleons in a state $n$ with total momentum $-{\vec p}$.
The separation energy $\varepsilon_n$ and the recoil energy
of the residual nuclear system $T_R$ enter in Eq.(\ref{eq:spectral_pol})
as for the unpolarized case (\ref{S(p)}).
For $g_1$ the target nucleus is chosen to be polarized
parallel to the photon momentum as indicated in
Eq.(\ref{eq:nucl_distr_pol,1}) by the subscript $\|$.
For the transverse structure function $g_T$
the target polarization is taken perpendicular to the momentum
transfer and denoted by $\perp$.
The nucleon spin operators which multiply the spectral
functions in
Eqs.(\ref{eq:nucl_distr_pol,1},\ref{eq:nucl_distr_pol,T},%
\ref{eq:nucl_distr_pol,T2})
refer to the active nucleon. They read:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:spin_op}
\widehat{\Sigma}_0
&=& \frac{\vec \sigma \cdot \vec p}M,
\quad \quad \quad \quad
\widehat{\Sigma}_j
=
\left( 1-\frac{{\vec p}^2}{2M^2} \right)
\sigma_j
+ \frac{\vec \sigma \cdot \vec p}{2M^2}\ p_j,
\nonumber \\
\widehat{\cal T}_2
&=& - { {\vec p}_\perp \cdot {\vec S}_\perp \over M }
\left(\frac{ \vec \sigma \cdot \vec p }{M}
+ \sigma_z \left( 1 - \frac{p_z}{M} \right)
\right),
\end{eqnarray}
where $j$ denotes spatial indices.
Furthermore, ${\vec p}_\perp$ is the transverse component of the nucleon
three-momentum, ${\vec p} = ({\vec p}_\perp, p_z)$, and
${\vec S}_\perp$ determines the transverse spin quantization
axis relative to the photon momentum which is taken along the $z$-direction.
From Eqs.(\ref{eq:g_1^A_conv},\ref{eq:g_T^A_conv}) we observe
that $g_1^{\T A}$ is expressed entirely in terms of
the corresponding nucleon structure function $g_1^{\T N}$.
This is different for $g_T^{\T A}$ which
receives contributions from $g_T^{\T N}$ as well as from $g_2^{\T N}$.
If the bound nucleon structure functions in
Eqs.(\ref{eq:g_1^A_conv},\ref{eq:g_T^A_conv})
are replaced by free ones,
one ends up with the conventional one-dimensional
convolution ansatz for nuclear structure functions
\cite{Kulagin:1995cj,CiofidegliAtti:1993zs}.
Relativistic contributions which lead beyond the convolution
formula (\ref{eq:g_1^A_conv},\ref{eq:g_T^A_conv})
have been investigated in
Refs.\cite{Melnitchouk:1995tx,Piller:1996mf},
and corrections have been estimated within a quark-diquark
model for the bound nucleon.
Deviations from non-relativistic convolution were generally found
to be small, except at very large $x>0.9$.
Given that the nuclear spectral functions, polarized as well
as unpolarized, receive their major contributions from small nucleon
momenta, systematic expansions of $g_1^{\T A}$ and $g_T^{\T A}$
for $x < 0.7$ can be performed around $y =1$ and the mass-shell
point $p^2 = M^2$, keeping terms of order $\varepsilon/M$
and $\vec p^2/M^2$.
Results and
applications to spin structure functions of the deuteron
and $^3$He are discussed in
Refs.\cite{Kulagin:1995cj,CiofidegliAtti:1993zs,%
Schulze:1997rz,Kaptari:1995di}.
As a general rule, the structure functions at $x < 0.7$
are well described using simply the effective
nucleon polarizations
(\ref{eq:nucleon_polarization_d},\ref{eq:pn_He},\ref{eq:pp_He}).
\section{Shadowing in unpolarized deep-inelastic scattering}
\label{sec:Shad}
\setcounter{section}{5}
\setcounter{figure}{0}
As outlined in Section \ref{Sec:nucl_dat}, the most pronounced
nuclear effect in lepton-nucleus DIS is shadowing. For small
values of the Bjorken variable ($x<0.1$), the nuclear
structure functions $F_{2}^{\T A}$ are significantly reduced
as compared to the free nucleon structure function $F_{2}^{\T N}$.
Equivalently, the virtual photon-nucleus
cross section is less than $A$ times
the one for free nucleons,
$\sigma_{\gamma^* \T A} < A \,\sigma_{\gamma^* \T N}$.
The analogous behavior is observed for real
photons at large energies ($\nu > 3\,\rm{GeV}$).
This reduction of nuclear cross sections is reminiscent of the
features seen in high-energy hadron-nucleus collisions.
For example, total cross sections for nucleon-nucleus
scattering behave as $\sigma_{\T {N A}} \sim A^{0.8} \,\sigma_{\T{NN}}$
at center-of-mass energies $\sqrt{s} \sim (10$ -- $25)\,{\rm GeV}^2$
\cite{RamanaMurthy:1975qb}.
A simple geometric picture interprets this effect as
the hadron projectile interacting mainly with nucleons at the
nuclear surface, leading to $\sigma_{\T{N A}} \sim A^{2/3}$.
The quantum mechanical description of shadowing in DIS
explains this phenomenon by the
destructive interference of single and multiple scattering amplitudes.
Multiple scattering becomes important as soon as the lab frame coherence
length for the hadronic fluctuations of the photon propagator exceeds the
average distance between two nucleons in the nuclear target. We have
seen in our space-time discussion of
Section \ref{Sec:space_time} that this is precisely
what happens in the region $x<0.1$ of the Bjorken variable.
The physics
issue of nuclear DIS at small $x$ is therefore, roughly speaking,
the optics of hadronic or quark-gluon fluctuations of the virtual
photon in the
nuclear medium. Diffractive phenomena play an important role in this context,
as we shall demonstrate.
At extremely small $x$ (i.e. for $x < 10^{-3}$) in combination
with large $Q^2$, the measured free nucleon structure functions
indicate a rapidly growing number of partons (mostly gluons).
This is the domain of ``high density QCD''
where individual partons interact perturbatively, at large $Q^2$,
but their number increases so strongly that effective cross
sections can become large
(for references see e.g.
\cite{McLerran:1994ni,Jalilian-Marian:1997xn,Ayala:1997em,Kovchegov:1997dm,%
Mueller:1999wm,Kovchegov:1999yj}).
It is of great interest to investigate the transition of the observed
shadowing phenomena into this new domain,
accessible by collider experiments, but so far unexplored for nuclear
systems.
In this section we first concentrate on the relationship
between diffractive photo- and leptoproduction from nucleons and
shadowing in high-energy photon- and lepton-nucleus interactions.
Then we
investigate perturbative and non-perturbative QCD aspects
of shadowing.
After that we summarize existing models
which successfully describe data.
Finally we outline implications of shadowing for nuclear parton distributions.
\subsection{Diffractive production and nuclear shadowing}
\label{ssec:diff_shad}
In the shadowing region, diffractive photo- and leptoproduction
of high energy hadrons gives a substantial contribution to the (virtual)
photon-nucleon cross section as discussed in Section \ref{ssec:Diffraction}.
This suggests that the diffractive excitation of hadronic states,
$\gamma^* {\T N} \rightarrow {\T{X N}}$,
and their coherent interaction with several nucleons inside the target
plays an important role for shadowing in high energy photon-nucleus
scattering, in a similar way as for hadron-nucleus collisions.
For this effect to be significant, the following
two conditions have to be met in the laboratory frame:
\begin{enumerate}
\item[(i)]
The longitudinal propagation length, or coherence length,
\begin{equation}
\lambda =\frac{2\nu}{M_{\T X}^2 + Q^2}
\end{equation}
of the diffractively produced hadronic state of invariant
mass $M_{\T X}$, Eq.(\ref{eq:coherence}),
must exceed the average nucleon-nucleon distance in
nuclei:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:cond_i}
\lambda > d \simeq 2\,\mbox{fm}.
\end{equation}
\medskip
\item [(ii)]
In addition, the mean free path $l_{\T X} = \left(\rho
\,\sigma_{\T{XN}}\right)^{-1}$ of the diffractively produced system
in the nuclear medium must be sufficiently short, at least smaller than
the nuclear radius
\end{enumerate}
Note that the mean free path of photons in a nucleus with
density $\rho$ amounts to
$l_{\gamma} \approx (\rho \,\sigma_{\gamma \T N})^{-1}
\approx 550\,{\rm fm}$,
which is much larger than any nuclear scale.
Consequently ``bare'' photons do not scatter coherently from several nucleons
and therefore do not contribute to shadowing.
Shadowing results from
the coherent scattering of a hadronic fluctuation from
at least two nucleons in the target, i.e. for $\lambda > d$.
Since the longitudinal propagation length
$\lambda$ of a diffractively produced hadronic state ${\T X}$
decreases with its mass $M_{\T X}$,
low mass excitations with $M_{ \T X}\lsim 1\,{\rm GeV}$ are relevant
for the onset of shadowing.
Equation (\ref{eq:cond_i}) tells again
that shadowing in deep-inelastic
scattering at $Q^2\gg 1\,\rm{GeV^2}$ should start at
$x \approx 0.1$, in accordance with the observed effect
and in close correspondence with the space-time picture
described in Section \ref{Sec:space_time}.
For real photons diffractive processes at low mass are
dominated by the excitation of the $\rho$- and $\omega$-meson.
Significant contributions to double scattering and hence to
shadowing are therefore expected if the photon energy $\nu$
exceeds about $3$ GeV,
in line with the experimental data.
Consider now the scattering process in the laboratory frame.
Realistic nuclear wave functions are well established only in this frame
(with the exception of recent efforts to construct
relativistic nuclear model wave functions on the light front,
see e.g. [140 -- 146]).
\nocite{Miller:1997xh,Miller:1997cr,Burkardt:1998bt,Miller:1998tp,%
Blunden:1999hy,Miller:1999ap,Blunden:1999gq}
Later, in Section \ref{ssec:shad_IMF},
we comment on nuclear shadowing as seen in the Breit frame.
We first neglect effects due to nuclear binding, Fermi-motion and
non-nucleonic degrees of freedom in nuclei.
They are relevant at moderate and large
values of the Bjorken variable, $x > 0.1$, as discussed in
Section \ref{sec:EMC}.
The (virtual) photon-nucleus cross section can be separated into
a piece which accounts for the incoherent scattering
from individual nucleons, and a correction from the
coherent interaction with several nucleons:
\begin{equation}
\sigma_{\gamma^*{\T A}} =
Z \,\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T p}} + (A-Z) \,\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T n}}
+ \delta \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T A}}.
\end{equation}
The single scattering part is the incoherent sum of
photon-nucleon cross sections, where $Z$ is the nuclear charge.
The multiple scattering correction can be expanded in
contributions which account for the scattering from $n\geq 2$ nucleons.
Expressed in terms of the corresponding multiple scattering
amplitudes ${\cal A}^{(n)}_{\gamma^* \T {A}}$ we have:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:in+ds}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T A}} =
\frac{1}{2 M_{\T A} \nu}
\sum_{n=2}^A {\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}_{\gamma^* {\T A}}^{(n)},
\end{equation}
where the photon
flux (\ref{eq:sigma_hH}) is taken in the limit $x \ll 1$.
The leading contribution to nuclear shadowing
comes from double scattering.
Its mechanism is best illustrated for a deuterium target
on which we focus next.
\subsubsection{Shadowing in deuterium}
\label{ssec:shad_deu}
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/mult_deut.eps,height=50mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
Single (a) and double (b) scattering contribution to
virtual photon-deuteron scattering.
The corresponding cross sections are obtained from the
imaginary part of the forward scattering amplitude
indicated by the dashed line.
}
\label{fig:mult_deut}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
In this section we review the basic mechanism of shadowing
in real and virtual photon-deuteron scattering at high
energies $\nu$, or equivalently, small $x$.
The $\gamma^*$-deuteron cross section can be written
as the sum of single and double scattering parts
as illustrated in Fig.\ref{fig:mult_deut}:
\begin{equation}
\sigma_{\gamma^* \T d} =
\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T p}} + \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T n}}
+ \delta \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T d}}.
\end{equation}
The first two terms describe the incoherent scattering of the
(virtual) photon from the proton or neutron,
while
\begin{equation}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T d}} = \frac{1}{2 M_{\T d} \nu}
\,{\T {Im}} \,{\cal A}^{(2)}_{\gamma^* {\T d}}
\end{equation}
accounts for the coherent interaction of the projectile with both
nucleons.
For large energies, $\nu > 3$ GeV, or small values
of the Bjorken variable, $x < 0.1$,
the double scattering amplitude ${\cal A}^{(2)}_{\gamma^* {\T d}}$
is dominated by the diffractive excitation of hadronic
intermediate states (Fig.\ref{fig:mult_deut} b) described by the amplitude
$T_{\gamma^{*} {\T {N \rightarrow XN}}}$.
At the high energies involved it is a good approximation
to neglect the real part of this amplitude.
In fact, we expect
${\rm{Re}} \,T_{\gamma^* \T{N \rightarrow XN}} \lsim 0.15\,
{\rm{Im}} \,T_{\gamma^* \T{N \rightarrow XN}}$
by analogy with high-energy hadron-hadron scattering amplitudes
(see e.g. \cite{Donnachie:1992ny}).
When including such non-zero real parts, the double scattering
contribution changes by less than $10\%$ \cite{Piller:1997ny}.
We neglect the spin and isospin dependence
for unpolarized scattering \cite{Edelmann:1997ik}.
Of course, these degrees of freedom play a crucial role
in polarized scattering as we will discuss in Section \ref{sec:Coh_Pol}.
Treating the deuteron target in the non-relativistic limit
gives \cite{Gribov:1969,Gribov:1970,Bertocchi:1972,Weis:1976er}:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:ds amplitude}
{\cal A}_{\gamma^{*} {\T d}}^{(2)} &=& -\frac{2}{M}
\int d^3r \,|\psi_{\T d}(\vec r )|^2
\nonumber \\
&&
\hspace*{-1cm}
\times
\sum_{\T X}\int \frac{d^3 k}{(2\pi)^3} \,
T_{\gamma^{*} {\T{N\rightarrow XN}}}(k) \,
\frac {e^{i\vec k\cdot \vec r}}
{(q_0 - k_0)^2 - \vec k_{\perp}^2 - (q_3 - k_3)^2 - M_{\T X}^2 + i\epsilon }
\,T_{{\T{XN}}\rightarrow \gamma^{*} {\T{N}}}(k),
\end{eqnarray}
where $k^{\mu} = (k_0,\vec k)$ with $\vec k = (\vec k_\perp,k_3)$
is the four-momentum transfered to the nucleon, and
$\psi_{\T d}$ is the deuteron wave function
normalized as $\int d^3r \,|\psi_{\T d}(\vec r)|^2 = 1$.
The sum is taken over all diffractively excited hadronic states
with invariant mass $M_{\T X}$ and four-momentum
$p_{\T X} = q - k$.
We write
\begin{equation}
\sum_{\T X}
{|T_{\gamma^{*} {\T {N\rightarrow XN}}}|^2} =
64\,\pi\,M^2 \nu^2
\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} dM_{\T X}^2
\,\frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\end{equation}
in terms of the diffractive production cross section,
with $t = k^2$.
The limits of integration define the kinematically permitted range
of diffractive excitations, with their invariant mass $M_{\T X}$
above the two-pion production threshold and limited by the
center-of-mass energy $W=\sqrt{s}$ of the scattering process.
We introduce the spin-averaged deuteron form factor,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:deu_ff}
S_{\T d}(\vec k)
=
\int d^3 r \, e^{i\vec k\cdot \vec r} \,|\psi_{\T d}(\vec r)|^2,
\end{equation}
perform the integration over the longitudinal
momentum transfer in Eq.(\ref{eq:ds amplitude}) and
then take the imaginary part of the amplitude
${\cal A}_{\gamma^{*} {\T d}}^{(2)}$.
Actually $k_3$ is simply fixed by energy-momentum
conservation:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:kz}
k_{3} \approx
\frac{Q^2 + M_{\T X}^2}{2\nu} = \frac{1}{\lambda},
\end{equation}
which coincides with the inverse of the longitudinal propagation length
(\ref{eq:coherence}) of the intermediate hadronic state.
Note that the minimal momentum transfer required to
produce a hadronic state diffractively from a nucleon at rest
amounts to $t_{min} \approx - k_3^2(M_{\T X})$.
When all steps are carried out, the result for the double scattering
correction is \cite{Gribov:1969,Gribov:1970}
\begin{equation} \label{eq:ds_corr_full}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma^{*}{\T d}} =
- \frac{2}{\pi}
\int d^2 k_{\perp} \int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} dM_{\T X}^2 \,\,
S_{\T d}(\vec k_{\perp},k_3 \approx \lambda^{-1}(M_{\T X}))\, \,
\frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}\,.
\end{equation}
This equation establishes the close relationship
between shadowing in deep-inelastic scattering
and diffractive hadron production.
It becomes even more transparent for $x\ll 0.1$,
i.e. large $\lambda$.
In this limit the magnitude of shadowing is determined
just by the ratio of diffractive and total $\gamma^* \T N$ cross
sections.
To verify this let us parametrize the
$t$-dependence of the diffractive production cross section
entering in Eq.(\ref{eq:ds_corr_full}) as
\begin{equation} \label{eq:def_diff_cross_approx}
\frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
=
e^{-{B} |t|}\,\left.
\frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t = 0}
\approx
e^{-{B} \vec k_{\perp}^2} \,
\left.\frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t = 0},
\end{equation}
neglecting the $k_3$ dependence of $t$.
Data from FNAL and HERA
on diffractive photo- and leptoproduction of hadrons
with mass $M_{\T X}^2 > 3$ GeV$^2$ give
$B \simeq (5 \dots 7) \,$GeV$^{-2}$
\cite{Breitweg:1998aa,Chapin:1985,Breitweg:1997eh}.
In the diffractive production of low mass vector mesons
($\rho, \omega$ and $\phi$) from nucleons, a range of
values $B \simeq (4 \dots 10) \,$GeV$^{-2}$ has been found,
depending on $Q^2$ and on the incident photon energy
(for a review and references see e.g.
\cite{Abramowicz:1998ii,Crittenden:1997yz}).
Clearly, the soft deuteron form factor selects momenta such
that the double scattering correction in (\ref{eq:ds_corr_full})
is dominated by diffractive production in the direction of the
incident photon.
In Fig.\ref{fig:deut_ff}
we show the deuteron form factor (\ref{eq:deu_ff}) weighted
by the exponential $t$-dependence
(\ref{eq:def_diff_cross_approx}) and integrated over
transverse momentum,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:deuteron_ff_int}
{\cal F}_{\T d}^B(\lambda^{-1}) \equiv
{\int} \frac{d^2 k_{\perp}}{(2 \pi)^2} \,
S_{\T d}(\vec k_{\perp},k_3=\lambda^{-1})\, e^{-B \vec k_{\perp}^2},
\end{equation}
as obtained with
the Paris nucleon-nucleon potential \cite{Lacombe:1980dr}
for a slope parameter $B= 8$ GeV$^{-2}$.
We observe ${\cal F}_{\T d}^B \approx constant$ as long as the
longitudinal propagation length $\lambda$ exceeds the deuteron size
$\langle r^2\rangle_{\T d}^{1/2} \approx 4\,fm$.
From Eq.(\ref{eq:cond_i}) one then finds that
hadronic states with an invariant mass
\begin{equation} \label{eq:MX}
M_{\T X}^2 <M_{max}^2 = \frac {W^2+ Q^2}
{M \langle r^2\rangle^{1/2}_{\T d}} - Q^2
\end{equation}
contribute dominantly to double scattering.
Combining Eqs.(\ref{eq:ds_corr_full}) and (\ref{eq:MX}) gives
the following approximate expression for the shadowing correction
in the limit of large longitudinal propagation length $\lambda$:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:approx}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma^{*} {\T d}}
&\approx&
- 8\pi \,{\cal F}_{\T d}^B(\lambda^{-1} \rightarrow 0)
\,\left.\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{M_{max}^2} dM_{\T X}^2 \,
\frac{d \sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{d M_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t = 0}
\approx
- 8 \pi {\cal F}_{\T d}^B(0) \,B \,
\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}.
\end{eqnarray}
In the last step we have neglected contributions
to the integrated diffractive production cross section
$\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}$ from hadronic
states with invariant masses $M_{max} < M_{\T X} < W$.
Since $d\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}/d M_{\T X}^2$
drops strongly for large $M_{\T X}$ as discussed
in Section \ref{ssec:Diffraction},
this approximation is justified at large center
of mass energies $W$ or, equivalently, at small $x$.
For the ratio between deuteron and free nucleon
structure functions we then obtain:
\begin{equation}
R_{\T d} = \frac{F_2^{\T d}}{F_2^{\T N}} =
\frac{\sigma_{\gamma^* \T d}}{2 \,\sigma_{\gamma^* \T N}}
\approx 1 - 4 \pi \,{\cal F}_{\T d}^B(0) \, B \,
\frac{\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{\sigma_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}.
\end{equation}
We use
${\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}/{\sigma_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}
\approx 0.1$
for the fraction of diffractive events in
deep-inelastic scattering from free nucleons,
as suggested by experiment
(see Section \ref{ssec:Diffraction}).
Furthermore we take $B = 8$ GeV$^{-2}$.
One finds that shadowing at $x\ll 0.1$ in deuterium
amounts to about $2\%$, i.e. $R_{\T d} \approx 0.98$.
The effect is small because of the large average proton-neutron
distance in the deuteron, but the result
agrees well with the experimental data shown in
Fig.\ref{fig:deut_shad}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/deut_ff.eps,height=70mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Integrated deuteron form factor
${\cal F}_{\T d}^B$ from Eq.(\ref{eq:deuteron_ff_int}) for an
average slope $B = 8$ GeV$^2$. The dotted curve corresponds
to $B=0$.
}
\label{fig:deut_ff}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Shadowing for heavy nuclei}
\label{ssec:shad_A}
The diffractive production of hadrons from single nucleons
also controls shadowing in heavier nuclei for which this effect
is far more pronounced than in the deuteron.
It is an empirical fact that nuclear shadowing
increases with the nuclear mass number $A$ of the target
(see Section \ref{Sec:nucl_dat}).
For $A>2$ the hadronic state which is produced in the
interaction of the photon with one of the nucleons in the target
may scatter coherently from more than two nucleons.
However, double scattering still dominates
since the probability that the propagating
hadron interacts with several nucleons along its path
decreases with the number of scatterers.
The double scattering contribution to the total photon-nucleus cross
section $\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T A}}$ is obtained by
straightforward generalization
of the deuteron result (\ref{eq:ds_corr_full})
\cite{Gribov:1970,Bertocchi:1972}:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:ds_A}
\sigma_{\gamma^{*}{\T A}}^{(2)} &=&
- 8\pi
\int d{^2 b} \int_{-\infty}^{+\infty} dz_1
\int_{z_1}^{+\infty} dz_2 \,
\rho_{\T A}^{(2)}(\vec b,z_1;\vec b, z_2) \, \cdot
\nonumber \\
&&\hspace*{3cm}
\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} dM_{\T X}^2
\cos\left[ (z_2 - z_1)/\lambda \right]
\left. \frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t\approx 0}.
\end{eqnarray}
As illustrated in Fig.\ref{fig:mult_double}
a diffractive state with invariant mass $M_{\T X}$ is
produced in the interaction of the photon with a nucleon
located at position $(\vec b, z_1)$ in the target.
The hadronic excitation propagates
at fixed impact parameter $\vec b$
and then interacts with a second nucleon
at $z_2$.
The probability to find two nucleons in the target
at the same impact parameter is described by the two-body density
$\rho_{\T A}^{(2)}(\vec b,z_1;\vec b,z_2)$ normalized as
$\int d^3 r\,d^3 r'\,\rho_{\T A}^{(2)}(\vec r, \vec r\,') = A^2$.
The
$\cos [ (z_2 - z_1)/\lambda]$
factor in Eq.(\ref{eq:ds_A}) implies that only diffractively
excited hadrons with a longitudinal propagation length larger than
the average nucleon-nucleon distance in the target,
$\lambda > d \simeq 2\,\rm{fm}$,
can contribute significantly to double scattering.
Note that nuclear short-range correlations are relevant only if the
coherence length of the diffractively excited states
is comparable to the range of the short-range repulsive part of
the nucleon-nucleon force, i.e. for $\lambda \lsim 0.5\,\rm{fm}$.
In this case the shadowing effect is negligible.
Nuclear correlations are therefore not important in the shadowing domain
and the target can be considered as an ensemble of
independent nucleons with
$\rho_{\T A}^{(2)}(\vec r, \vec r\,')
\approx \rho_{\T A}(\vec r) \rho_{\T A}(\vec r\,')$,
where $\rho_{\T A}$ is the nuclear one-body density
\cite{Piller:90prc,Melnitchouk:1993vc}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/mult_double.eps,height=50mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Double scattering contribution
to deep-inelastic scattering from nuclei.
}
\label{fig:mult_double}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
With increasing photon energies or decreasing $x$ down to $x\ll 0.1$,
the longitudinal propagation length of diffractively excited
hadrons rises and eventually reaches nuclear dimensions.
Then interactions of the excited hadronic states with several nucleons
in the target become important.
A simple way to account for those is a frequently used equation
derived by Karmanov and Kondratyuk \cite{Kondratyuk:1973jept}:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:ms_A}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma^{*}{\T A}} &=&
- 8\pi \int d{^2b} \int_{-\infty}^{+\infty} dz_1
\int_{z_1}^{+\infty} dz_2 \,
\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_1)\,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_2) \cdot
\nonumber \\
&&\hspace*{0.2cm}
\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} dM_{\T X}^2
\cos\left[ (z_2 - z_1)/\lambda \right]
\left. \frac{d^2\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^{*} {\T N}}}{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t\approx 0}
\exp\left[-\frac{\sigma_{{\T {XN}}}}{2}
\int_{z_1}^{z_2} dz\,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z)\right].
\end{eqnarray}
The exponential attenuation factor describes the elastic
re-scattering of the diffractively produced hadronic states
from the remaining nucleons in the target.
The hadron-nucleon scattering amplitudes
are assumed to be purely imaginary and enter in Eq.(\ref{eq:ms_A})
through the cross sections $\sigma_{{\T {XN}}}$.
Equation (\ref{eq:ms_A}) has been applied in several investigations
of nuclear shadowing using different models for the diffractive
photoproduction cross section. The more detailed results are discussed
in Section \ref{ssec:Shad_Model},
but we can get a simple estimate of nuclear shadowing at small
Bjorken-$x$ already by just looking at the relative amount
of diffraction in DIS from free nucleons \cite{Piller:1998cy}.
We restrict ourselves to the double scattering correction (\ref{eq:ds_A}).
For $x\ll 0.1$, the coherence length $\lambda$ of the hadronic states
which dominate diffractive production in Eq.(\ref{eq:ds_A}),
exceed the diameter of the target nucleus.
In the limit $\lambda \rightarrow \infty$ we find:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:shad_est_A}
\sigma^{(2)}_{\gamma^* {\T A}} \simeq - 8\pi \,B\,
\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^* {\T N}}
\int d{^2 b} \int_{-\infty}^{+\infty} dz_1
\int_{z_1}^{+\infty} dz_2 \,
\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_1) \,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b, z_2).
\end{equation}
The slope parameter $B$ and the integrated diffractive
production cross section $\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^* {\T N}}$
have been introduced as in
Eqs.(\ref{eq:def_diff_cross_approx}, \ref{eq:approx}).
For the nuclear densities in Eq.(\ref{eq:shad_est_A}) we use Gaussian,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Gauss}
\rho_{\T A}(\vec{r})
= A \,\left(\frac{3}{2 \,\pi\,\langle r^2 \rangle_{\T A} }\right)^{3/2} \,
\exp \left( -
\frac{3\,\vec{r}\,^2}{2\,\langle r^2 \rangle_{\T A}}
\right),
\end{equation}
and square-well parametrizations,
\begin{equation}
\rho_{\T A}(\vec{r}) =
\left\{ \begin{array}{l}
A \frac{3}{4\pi}
\left(\frac{3}{5 \,\langle r^2 \rangle_{\T A} }\right)^{3/2}
\quad
\mbox{for}
\quad r < \sqrt{\frac{5}{3}} \,\langle r^2 \rangle_{\T A}^{1/2},
\nonumber \\
0 \hspace*{3cm}\mbox{otherwise},
\end{array}\right.
\end{equation}
with the mean square radius $\langle r^2 \rangle _{\T A} =
\int d^3r \,r^2 \,\rho_{\T A}(r)/A$.
For both cases the shadowing ratio
$R_{\T A} =
\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T A}}/
{A \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}$
is easily worked out:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:shad_est}
R_{\T A} \simeq 1 - {\cal C} \,A\,
\left(\frac{B}{\langle r^2 \rangle _{\T A}} \right)
\frac{\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}{\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}.
\end{equation}
For Gaussian nuclear densities one finds ${\cal C}=3$, while
${\cal C}=2.7$ in the square-well case.
Using again typical values for the ratio of diffractive and total
$\gamma^* \T N$ cross sections,
\linebreak
${\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}/{\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}\simeq 0.1$,
and for the slope parameter, $B\simeq 8$ GeV$^{-2}$,
the magnitude of $R_{\T A}$ comes out in very reasonable agreement with
experimental values as shown in Table \ref{tab:shad_est}.
\begin{table}[h]
\begin{center}
\begin{tabular}{| c | c | c | c | c | }
\hline
& $^6$Li & $^{12}$C & $^{40}$Ca & $^{131}$Xe \\ \hline
$R_{\T A}$ & $0.93$ & $0.84$ & $0.73$ & $0.65$ \\ \hline
$R_{\T A}^{exp.}$& $0.94 \pm 0.07$ & $0.87 \pm 0.10$ & $0.77 \pm 0.07$
& $0.67 \pm 0.09$ \\ \hline
\end{tabular}
\caption{
The shadowing ratio $R_{\T A}$ estimated according to Eq.(\ref{eq:shad_est})
in comparison to experimental data for various nuclei.
The data are taken from
Ref.\cite{Arneodo:1995cs,Adams:1992nf,Adams:1995is} at the smallest
kinematically accessible values of Bjorken-$x$
(namely, $x \simeq 10^{-4}$).
}
\label{tab:shad_est}
\end{center}
\end{table}
This estimate may be simple
(in fact, higher order multiple scattering must be included
in a more detailed analysis)
but it certainly confirms that shadowing
in nuclear DIS is governed by the coherent interaction of diffractively
produced states with several nucleons in the target nucleus.
A more detailed investigation of the connection between HERA data on
diffraction and shadowing effects measured at CERN and FNAL
can be found in Ref.\cite{Capella:1997mn}.
Inelastic transitions between different hadronic states are neglected
in Eq.(\ref{eq:ms_A}).
They cannot be treated in a model-independent way.
Estimates of such higher order diffractive dissociation
contributions have been performed for high-energy hadron-nucleus
scattering \cite{RamanaMurthy:1975qb,Nikolaev:1986vy}.
In the case of neutron-nucleus collisions at center-of-mass energies
$s \sim 200 \,\rm{GeV^2}$ they amount to about
$5\%$ of the total reaction cross section.
For rising energies the
relative importance of inelastic transitions is expected to grow
\cite{Nikolaev:1986vy}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/log1mR.eps,height=80mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The quantity $\log \left( 1 - R_{\T A} \right)$
as a function of $\log x$ for
data taken on lead \cite{Adams:1995is}.
The dashed line corresponds to the asymtotic energy dependence
(\ref{eq:log_est}) with $\varepsilon = 0.1$.
}
\label{fig:log1-R}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Given the important role of diffractive production, we can now
enter into a more detailed discussion of the $x$-dependence
of shadowing.
The coherence lengths $\lambda$ of hadronic states with small masses
become comparable with nuclear dimensions for $x < 0.1$.
As $\lambda$ increases with decreasing $x$, the shadowing effect
grows steadily for $x\lsim 0.05$.
At $x \ll 0.1$ it is also the energy dependence of
the diffractive production cross section and of the hadron-nucleon cross
section $\sigma_{\T{X N}}$ which influences
the $x$-dependence of shadowing.
Consider the shadowing ratio
$R_{\T A} = {\sigma_{\gamma^* {\T A}}}/{A \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}
= 1 - \delta\sigma_{\gamma^*\T A}/{A \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}}$,
parametrized as:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:RA-1}
R_{\T A} - 1 =
- c \, \left(\frac{1}{x}\right)^{\varepsilon},
\end{equation}
with a constant $c$ at small $Q^2$ where data are actually taken,
and a characteristic exponent $\epsilon$.
At asymptotically large energies Regge phenomenology
suggests $\varepsilon \simeq 0.1$ (see Section \ref{ssec:Diffraction})
\footnote{
At the typical average center of mass energies
$\overline W < 25$ GeV
used at experiments at CERN and FNAL
a somewhat stronger energy dependence is expected
through the kinematic restriction to diffractively produced
hadronic states with masses $M_{\T X} < W$.}.
In Fig.\ref{fig:log1-R} we show the quantity
\begin{equation} \label{eq:log_est}
\log \left( 1 - R_{\T A} \right) = \log c - \varepsilon \, \log x,
\end{equation}
plotted versus $\log x$ in comparison with data taken on Pb at
small $Q^2$.
This plot confirms that, for $x < 3 \cdot 10^{-3}$,
the shadowing effect indeed
approaches the high-energy behavior expected from the
Regge limit of diffractive production.
Deviations from this asymptotic behavior at larger values of $x$ indicate
how shadowing gradually builds up as the coherence length
$\lambda \propto x^{-1}$ starts to exceed nuclear length scales for
low mass diffractively produced states. At sufficiently high energy or small
$x$, the coherence length becomes comparable to nuclear dimensions even for
heavy hadronic intermediate states.
Once a major fraction of diffractively produced states
contribute to shadowing it starts to approach its asymtotic
high-energy behavior.
Note this asymptotic behavior sets in when the
coherence lengths $\lambda_{\rm X}$ of low mass
hadronic fluctuations of the photon exceed by far the dimension of
the nucleus.
For example at $x = 3\cdot 10^{-3}$ and $Q^2 \simeq 0.7$ GeV$^2$,
which corresponds to the onset of the asymptotic behavior in
Fig.\ref{fig:log1-R}, the $\rho$ meson coherence length becomes
$\lambda_{\rho} \simeq 36$ fm.
\subsubsection{Shadowing for real photons}
\label{sssec:shad_photon}
Data on the diffractive production of hadrons
in high-energy photon-nucleon interactions have
been summarized in Section
\ref{ssec:Diffractive_photoproduction}.
They are useful to gain insight into the relative importance of
$\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$ mesons, as compared to heavier
states, for nuclear shadowing with real photons.
Diffractive $\gamma {\T N} \rightarrow {\T {X N}}$ production
with $M_{\T X} \lsim 1$ GeV involves primarily the light vector mesons
$\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$.
Nuclear shadowing at photon energies $\nu$ up to about $200$ GeV
is largely determined by the coherent
multiple scattering of those diffractively produced vector mesons.
Their propagation lengths $\lambda \simeq 2 \nu/m_{\T V}^2$
easily exceed nuclear dimensions as soon as $\nu > 20$ GeV.
With rising energies additional contributions to shadowing
from diffractively produced states with larger masses,
$M_{\T X} > 1$ GeV, become increasingly important.
This behavior is illustrated for DIS from deuterium in
Fig.\ref{fig:shad_deut_photon}, where
we show the ratio of the total photon-deuteron cross section
compared to the free photon-nucleon cross section,
$R_{\T d} = \sigma_{\gamma {\T d}}/2 \sigma_{\gamma {\T N}}$, from
Ref.\cite{Piller:1997ny}.
The empirical
photon-proton cross section from \cite{Caldwell:1978yb}
has been used for $\sigma_{\gamma {\T N}}$.
The shadowing correction (\ref{eq:ds_corr_full})
has been calculated using a
fit for the diffractive photon-nucleon cross section from
Ref.\cite{Piller:1997ny}.
The observed energy dependence of shadowing in
Fig.\ref{fig:shad_deut_photon}
results from two sources as pointed out previously:
the dependence of the diffractive and total photon-nucleon
cross sections on energy implies
$R_{\T d} - 1 \sim \nu^{0.1}$ for the shadowing
ratio.
An additional increase of shadowing with rising energy $\nu$ comes
from diffractively produced states with
large mass, $M_{\T X} > 1$ GeV, which become relevant
at high energies.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/deut_shad_phot.eps,height=100mm,width=110mm}
\end{center}
\vspace*{-3cm}
\caption[...]{
The shadowing ratio $ R_{\T d} = \sigma_{\gamma \T d}/2 \sigma_{\gamma \T N}$
as a function of the photon energy.
The dashed line shows the vector meson contribution.
The experimental data are taken from the E665 collaboration
\cite{Adams:1995sh}. (The energy values of the data have to be understood
as average values which correspond to different $x$-bins.)
}
\label{fig:shad_deut_photon}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Shadowing in DIS at small and moderate $Q^2$}
\label{sssec:shad_smallQ}
So far nuclear shadowing has been measured only in
fixed target experiments.
The kinematic conditions of such experiments imply that
the data for $x < 0.01$ had to be taken at small
four-momentum transfers,
$\overline {Q^2}\lsim 1$ GeV$^2$,
as discussed in Section \ref{subs:Nucl_F2}.
The corresponding energy transfers are typically
$50\,{\rm GeV} < \nu < 300\,{\rm GeV}$.
The conclusions just drawn for real photons apply here too:
nuclear shadowing as measured by E665 and NMC
receives major contributions from the diffractive
production and multiple scattering of vector mesons.
In the intermediate range $0.01 < x < 0.1$, on the other hand,
the E665 and NMC measurements
involve momentum transfers up to $Q^2 \sim 30 \,{\T{GeV}}^2$.
At $Q^2 > 1$ GeV$^2$ vector meson contributions to
diffraction and shadowing decrease (Section \ref{ssec:Diffraction})
and hadronic states with
masses $M_{\T X}^2 \sim Q^2$ become relevant.
The data reveal that the $Q^2$-dependence of nuclear shadowing
is very weak (Section \ref{subs:Nucl_F2}).
This suggests that high-mass
hadronic components of the photon which dominate
the measured nuclear shadowing at $Q^2 > 1$ GeV$^2$,
interact strongly with the target, just like ordinary hadrons.
The following section gives a schematic view of the scales
involved, as outlined in Ref.\cite{Kopeliovich:1995ju}.
\subsection{Sizes, scales and shadowing}
\label{sssec:sizes}
Consider DIS at small $x$ in the lab frame.
In this frame of reference the important feature is
the nuclear interaction of hadronic fluctuations
of the virtual photon (see Section \ref{Sec:space_time}).
Since the photon and its hadronic configurations
carry high energy, the transverse separations and longitudinal
momenta of their quark and gluon constituents are
approximately conserved during the scattering process.
These hadronic configurations can be classified as ``small'' or ``large'',
depending on their transverse extension. ``Large'' configurations
have hadronic sizes of order
$\Lambda_{\T{QCD}}^{-1} \sim 1$ fm,
whereas ``small'' configurations are characterized by sizes which
scale as $Q^{-1}$.
The contribution of a given hadronic fluctuation, $\T h$,
to the photon-nucleon interaction
cross section is determined by its probability weight
$w_{\gamma^*\T h}$ in the photon wave function,
multiplied by its cross section $\sigma_{\T {hN}}$.
The virtual photon-nucleon cross section is:
\begin{equation}\label{eq:toy_1}
\sigma_{\gamma^* \T N} = \sum_{\T h}
w_{\gamma^* \T h} \,\sigma_{\T {h N}}.
\end{equation}
The coherent interaction of the virtual
photon with several nucleons behaves differently.
For example, the contribution of a hadronic fluctuation to
double scattering, which dominates shadowing, is
proportional to its weight in
the photon wave function multiplied by the {\it square} of
its interaction cross section.
The double scattering correction to virtual photon-nucleus
scattering is:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:toy_2}
\sigma_{\gamma^* \T A}^{(2)} \sim \sum_{\T h} w_{\gamma^*\T h}
\,(\sigma_{\T {h N}})^2.
\end{equation}
Now, the probability to find a quark-gluon configuration of large
size is suppressed (up to possible logarithmic terms)
by $\Lambda_{{\T {QCD}}}^2/Q^2$
as compared to configurations with small transverse sizes.
On the other hand the interaction cross sections of hadronic
fluctuations are proportional to their squared transverse radii.
These properties and their consequences for the cross sections
in Eqs.(\ref{eq:toy_1}) and (\ref{eq:toy_2}) are summarized in Table 2.
\begin{table}[h]
\begin{center}
\bigskip
\begin{tabular}{| c | c | c | c | c | }
\hline
fluctuation h & $w_{\gamma^*\T h}$ & $\sigma_{\T{h N}}$ &
$w_{\gamma^*\T h}\,\sigma_{\T{h N}}$ &
$w_{\gamma^*\T h}\,(\sigma_{\T{h N}})^2$
\\ \hline
small size & $ 1$ & $1/Q^2$ & $1/Q^2$ &
$1/Q^4$
\\ \hline
large size & $\Lambda_{{\T {QCD}}}^2/Q^2$ &
$1/\Lambda_{{\T {QCD}}}^2$ &
$1/Q^2$ & $1/(\Lambda_{{\T {QCD}}}^2 Q^2) $
\\ \hline
\end{tabular}
\caption{Relative contributions of
small- and large-size hadronic components of
a virtual photon to DIS and shadowing at large $Q^2$ \cite{Kopeliovich:1995ju}.
}
\end{center}
\bigskip
\end{table}
For the scattering from individual
nucleons one finds that both, large- and small-size
configurations give leading contributions $\sim 1/Q^2$ to the
photon-nucleon cross section (\ref{eq:toy_1}).
On the other hand contributions from small-size components
to the shadowing correction $\sigma_{\gamma^* \T A}^{(2)}$
are suppressed by an additional power $1/Q^2$
as compared to large-size configurations
(apart from contributions related to diffractive
production from the whole nucleus, not considered in this
schematic picture).
In view of these scale considerations, we can now understand
some of the previously mentioned empirical facts which, on first sight,
seemed unrelated:
\begin{itemize}
\item [$\bullet$]
Nuclear shadowing varies only weakly with $Q^2$.
\medskip
\item [$\bullet$]
The energy dependence of nuclear shadowing for $x\lsim 0.01$,
as measured with
fixed target experiments at CERN and FNAL,
is reminiscent of hadron-nucleus collisions.
\end{itemize}
These features follow from the fact that,
to leading order in $Q^2$, shadowing is primarily determined
by the interaction of large-size hadronic
fluctuations of the exchanged photon, even at large $Q^2$.
These hadronic configurations are expected to interact like
ordinary hadrons.
Note, those observations can be applied to diffraction as well as
to shadowing, given that the two phenomena are closely
connected as established in the previous sections:
diffraction is also a scaling effect, i.e. it survives at large $Q^2$.
Its energy dependence is expected to behave
similarly as in hadron collisions.
(For limitations to this simple picture see Sections
\ref{ssec:Pert_Nonpert_Shad} and \ref{sec:shad_largeQ}.)
\subsection{Nuclear shadowing and parton configurations of the photon}
\label{ssec:Pert_Nonpert_Shad}
The results of the previous sections are eludicated
by making contact with the underlying basic QCD and the parton
structure of the virtual photon.
The photon wave function can be decomposed in a Fock space
expansion,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Fock}
|\gamma \rangle = c_0 |\gamma_0 \rangle +
c_{q \bar q} | q \bar q \rangle +
c_{q \bar q g} |q \bar q g\rangle + \dots ,
\end{equation}
in terms of a ``bare'' photon state $|\gamma_0 \rangle$
and partonic (quark-antiquark and gluonic) components.
At large $Q^2$ the minimal Fock component $|q \bar q \rangle$
dominates the hadronic part of $|\gamma \rangle$,
higher Fock states enter with powers of the strong coupling
$\alpha_s$.
Let us now have a closer look at this minimal Fock component.
Consider a virtual photon of four-momentum
$q^{\mu} = (\nu, \vec q)$, with $\vec q = (0, 0, q_3)$
and $q_3 > 0$
defining the longitudinal direction, and $Q^2 = - q^2$.
Let this photon split into a quark-antiquark pair as sketched in
Fig.\ref{fig:qqbar}.
The quark has a four-momentum $k^{\mu} = (k_0,\vec k)$ with
$\vec k = (\vec k_{\perp},k_3)$. The fraction of the photon light-cone
momentum carried by the quark is
\begin{equation}
\xi = \frac{k^+}{q^+} = \frac{k_0+ k_3}{\nu + q_3}.
\end{equation}
The momentum fraction of the antiquark with
$\bar k^{\mu} = q^{\mu} - k^{\mu}$ is obviously $1-\xi$.
For the longitudinally polarized photon, the wave function of its minimal
$q\bar q$ fluctuation in momentum space is proportional to the
longitudinal component of the quark pair current, multiplied by its
propagator
$\left[Q^2 + \frac{m_q^2 + k_{\perp}^2}{\xi (1-\xi)} \right]^{-1}$
where $m_q$ is the quark mass
\cite{Lepage:1980fj}.
The quantity
\begin{equation} \label{eq:qq_mass}
M_{\T X}^2 = \frac{m_q^2 + k_{\perp}^2}{\xi (1-\xi)}
\end{equation}
can be interpreted as the squared effective mass of the propagating
$q\bar q$ pair.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/qqbar.eps,height=25mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
Decomposition of a virtual photon into a quark-antiquark
pair at large $Q^2$.
}
\label{fig:qqbar}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
It is useful to perform the two-dimensional Fourier transform
with respect to
the transverse quark momentum $\vec k_{\perp}$ conjugate to the
transverse separation $\vec b$ of the $q\bar q$ pair.
Neglecting the quark mass at large $Q^2$ and using generically
one single quark flavor, the squared wave function of the
$q\bar q$ component coupled to the longitudinally polarized
photon becomes \cite{Bjorken:1971ah,Nikolaev:1991ja,Brodsky:1997nj}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:qq_L}
\left|\psi_{q\bar q}^{L}(b,\xi;Q^2)\right|^2
=
\frac{6 \alpha}{\pi^2} \,
Q^2 \xi^2 (1-\xi)^2 \,
K_0^2\left(b\,Q\, \sqrt{\xi (1-\xi)}\right),
\end{equation}
where $K_n$ denotes modified Bessel functions.
The $\gamma^* \rightarrow q\bar q$ coupling is proportional
to the fine structure constant $\alpha \simeq 1/137$.
The corresponding result for a virtual photon with transverse
polarization is:
\begin{equation}\label{eq:qq_T}
\left|\psi_{q\bar q}^{T} (b,\xi;Q^2)\right|^2
=
\frac{3 \alpha}{2\pi^2} \,Q^2 \xi (1-\xi)
\left(\xi^2 + (1-\xi)^2 \right)
K_1^2\left(b\,Q\, \sqrt{\xi (1-\xi)}\right).
\end{equation}
Consider now DIS from a free nucleon at small Bjorken-$x$
and large $Q^2$. At the high energies involved
the photon in the laboratory frame acts like a
beam of $q\bar q$ pairs, and one can write the cross section for the
longitudinally or transversely polarized virtual photon with the nucleon
in the form \cite{Nikolaev:1991ja,Frankfurt:1997ri}
\begin{equation} \label{eq:sigma_LT}
\sigma_{\gamma^* \T N}^{L,T} = \int d^2b\, \int_0^1 d\xi \,
\left|\psi_{q\bar q}^{L,T} (b,\xi)\right|^2 \,
\sigma_{q\bar q {\T N}}(b,x),
\end{equation}
using the wave functions of the leading $q\bar q$ fluctuations.
These wave functions as well as the $q\bar q$-nucleon cross section
$\sigma_{q\bar q {\T N}}$
depend on the transverse separation $b$ of the quark pair.
Since the modified Bessel functions in Eqs.(\ref{eq:qq_L}, \ref{eq:qq_T})
drop as $K_{1,0}(y) \rightarrow e^{-y}$ at large
$y$, the wave functions $\psi_{q\bar q}^{L,T}$ receive their dominant
contributions from configurations with transverse size
\begin{equation}
b^2 \sim \frac{1}{Q^2 \,\xi\,(1-\xi)}\,.
\end{equation}
Consequently, $q\bar q$ configurations at large $Q^2$
with comparable momenta of the quark and
antiquark, $\xi \sim 1-\xi \sim 1/2$,
have small transverse size,
$b^2 \sim 1/k_{\perp}^2 \sim 1/Q^2$, or equivalently,
large transverse momentum.
The interaction of these ``non-aligned'' configurations
with the nucleon is therefore determined by the
short transverse distance behavior of the cross section
$\sigma_{q\bar q {\T N}}$ which can be calculated using
perturbative QCD.
The reasoning goes as follows. At large $Q^2$ the leading mechanism
responsible for the short distance interaction of the $q\bar q$ pair
with the nucleon is two-gluon exchange (see Fig.\ref{fig:two_gluon}).
The (color singlet) $q\bar q$ pair acts as a color dipole. Its
interaction strength with the nucleon or any other
(color singlet) hadron is determined by the squared color dipole
moment, hence $\sigma_{q\bar q {\T N}}$ is proportional to $b^2$ for
small transverse separations $b$.
In the leading-logarithmic approximation valid at large $Q^2$ one
derives \cite{Frankfurt:1997ri,Blaettel:1993rd}
\begin{equation} \label{eq:sigma_qq}
\sigma_{q\bar q {\T N}} (b,x) = \frac{\pi^2}{3} \alpha_s(Q^2)
\,b^2 \,x\,g_{\T N}(x,Q^2),
\end{equation}
with the strong coupling constant $\alpha_s$.
The $Q^2$ scale in (\ref{eq:sigma_qq}) is set by
$Q^2\sim 1/b^2$. All non-perturbative effects are
incorporated in the gluon distribution $g_{\T N}(x,Q^2)$
of the target nucleon.
\begin{figure}[t]
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/two_gluon.eps,height=50mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
Short distance interaction of a color singlet quark-antiquark
pair with a nucleon through two-gluon exchange.
}
\label{fig:two_gluon}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Small $q \bar q$ configurations interact only weakly according to
Eq.(\ref{eq:sigma_qq}).
This is the case for the kinematic conditions
realized in fixed target experiments at CERN
and FNAL
(see Sections \ref{ssec:spin_ind_strfns} and \ref{subs:Nucl_F2}).
The situation is different at $x \ll 0.1$ and $Q^2 \gg 1\,\rm{GeV^2}$,
the extreme region accessible at HERA. Here the strong increase of the
nucleon structure function $F_{2}^{\T N}$ at very small $x$ is
accompanied by a correspondingly strong increase of the gluon
distribution function.
The gluon density becomes so large with decreasing $x$ that, even for
small $b^2 \sim 1/Q^2$, the cross section
$\sigma_{q\bar q {\T N}}$ can eventually reach magnitudes typical
for ordinary hadrons \cite{Frankfurt:1996jw}.
If either the quark or the antiquark becomes soft (that is:
if either the momentum fraction $\xi$ or $1-\xi$ tends to zero),
large $q\bar q$ separations contribute to the wave functions
(\ref{eq:qq_L}, \ref{eq:qq_T}).
In this limit perturbative QCD is not applicable. The interaction
cross section for such large-size configurations with small transverse
momentum is supposed to be similar to typical hadron-nucleon cross
sections \cite{Bjorken:1973gc}.
A detailed analysis of the ``transverse'' wave function
(\ref{eq:qq_T}) shows that both ``small'' (non-aligned) and
``large'' quark-antiquark configurations give
leading $1/Q^2$ contributions to the transverse photon-nucleon cross
section in accordance with our previous discussion.
The situation is different for longitudinally polarized photons
(see e.g. (\ref{eq:qq_L})).
In this case the contributions from ``soft'' quarks
(with $\xi \rightarrow 0$ or $1-\xi \rightarrow 0$) are suppressed as
$1/Q^4$ so that, to leading order in the strong coupling $\alpha_s$,
only small size $q\bar q$ pairs contribute to $\sigma_{\gamma^*\T N}^L$.
At next to leading
order in $\alpha_s$, the Fock expansion (\ref{eq:Fock})
introduces quark-antiquark-gluon states. Large size $q\bar q g$
configurations are now important, and they are not suppressed by additional
powers of $1/Q^2$ \cite{Buchmuller:1997xw}.
At small momentum transfers, $Q^2 \lsim 1\,\rm{GeV^2}$,
configurations of large size dominate the $q\bar q$ wave function.
Strong interactions between quark and antiquark now lead to the formation
of soft hadronic fluctuations including vector mesons and multi-pion states.
Consequently, photon-nucleon cross sections at small $x$ and small $Q^2$
receive important contributions from the low mass vector mesons. For
example, at $Q^2 \simeq 0.5$ GeV$^2$ almost half of the measured
nucleon structure function $F_2^{\T N}$ comes from
$\rho,\omega$ and $\phi$ mesons according to the calculation in
Ref.\cite{Piller:1995kh}.
So far we have focused this discussion on free nucleons. Similar
considerations apply to deep-inelastic scattering from
nuclei which involves the interaction of hadronic components of the
virtual photon with the nuclear many-body system.
To leading order in $\alpha_s$ the photon-nucleus
cross sections are now obtained from Eq.(\ref{eq:sigma_LT}) replacing
$\sigma_{q\bar q \T N}$ by the corresponding $q\bar q$-nucleus
cross section $\sigma_{q\bar q \T A}$.
The cross section $\sigma_{\T {h A}}$ of any hadronic fluctuation
$\T h$ interacting with a nucleus at high energies,
can be related to the
cross section for the scattering from free nucleons by the
Glauber-Gribov multiple scattering formalism
\cite{Gribov:1970,Bertocchi:1972}.
For a Gaussian nuclear density (\ref{eq:Gauss}) this leads to:
\begin{equation}
\sigma_{\T{h A}}\approx
A\,\sigma_{\T{h N}}
\left[
1- \sigma_{\T{h N}} \,\frac{3}{16 \pi}\,
\frac{A-1}{\langle r^2\rangle_{\T A}}\,
\exp \left(-\frac {\langle r^2\rangle_{\T A} }{3 \,\lambda^2}\right)
+\dots\right],\label{eq:adep}
\end{equation}
where $\lambda$ is the propagation length associated with the
hadronic fluctuation.
Double scattering gives a negative correction
proportional to the squared cross section of the hadronic fluctuation.
Only those hadronic configurations
with large interaction cross sections contribute significantly
to shadowing.
Furthermore, since the nuclear mean square radius behaves
approximately as $\langle r^2\rangle_{\T A} \sim A^{2/3}$,
the magnitude of the double scattering correction grows for large nuclei
with the radius of the target, i.e. proportional to $A^{1/3}$.
The exponential in (\ref{eq:adep})
ensures that only hadronic fluctuations
with propagation lengths $\lambda$ larger than
the target dimension contribute significantly to shadowing.
For small-sized fluctuations, interesting effects beyond
those covered by Eq.(\ref{eq:adep}) arise from diffractive production
on the whole nucleus.
In accordance with our discussion in the previous section we can conclude:
\begin{itemize}
\item[i)]
In the fixed target experiments at CERN
and FNAL, where small values of $x < 0.01$ are accessible only at
small average momentum transfers, $\overline Q\,^2 \lsim 1$ GeV$^2$,
nuclear shadowing is governed by interactions of configurations
with large transverse sizes.
Contributions
from the vector mesons $\rho, \omega$ and $\phi$ turn out to
be particularly important.
\medskip
\item[ii)]
At very small $x$ together with very large $Q^2$, the growing number
of partons in the photon-nucleus system makes them interact like
ordinary hadrons, even if the parton configurations
have small transverse sizes inversely proportional to $Q^2$.
One now expects a complex interplay between soft (large-size) and hard
(small-size) partonic components of the interacting photon which
can no longer be classified by simple book-keeping in powers of
$1/Q^2$.
\end{itemize}
\subsection{Models}
\label{ssec:Shad_Model}
In the following we sketch several models which
have been used quite successfully
to describe nuclear shadowing as measured in
experiments at
CERN
and FNAL.
As before we restrict ourselves to lab-frame descriptions.
We do not aim for completeness but
rather emphasize common features
of various models and their implications
for the underlying mechanism of nuclear shadowing.
\subsubsection{Vector mesons and aligned jets}
\label{subs:AJM}
As discussed in Section \ref{ssec:Pert_Nonpert_Shad}, the quark-antiquark
fluctuation of a virtual photon starts out with a
transverse size $b^2 \sim [Q^2 \xi (1-\xi)]^{-1}$
where $\xi$ is the fraction of longitudinal photon momentum
carried by one of the quarks.
``Non-Aligned'' $q\bar q$ configurations
with $\xi \simeq 1/2$ have small transverse size and interact
weakly;
``aligned'' ones with $\xi \sim 0 $ or $\xi \sim 1$
have large transverse size and are likely, by subsequent
strong interactions, to turn into vector mesons if the
$q\bar q$ invariant mass matches appropriately.
Models which combine aspects of vector meson dominance
and the aligned-jet picture \cite{Bjorken:1973gc}
are described in
Refs.\cite{Piller:1995kh,Frankfurt:1989zg}.
Their starting point is the hadronic spectrum of the virtual
photon exchanged in the deep-inelastic scattering process.
The spectral function, $\Pi(s)$, is determined by the cross
section for electron-positron annihilation into hadrons,
where $s=q^2$ is the squared photon or $e^+e^-$ center-of-mass energy:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:photon_spectral_function}
\Pi(s) = \frac{1}{12 \,\pi^2}
\frac{\sigma_{e^+ e^- \rightarrow hadrons}(s)}
{\sigma_{e^+ e^- \rightarrow \mu^+ \mu^-}(s)}\,,
\end{equation}
with
\begin{equation} \label{eq:photon_spectral_function_2}
\Pi(q^2) = -\frac{1}{3\,q^2}
\sum_{\T X} (2\pi)^3 \delta^4(q-p_{\T X})
\left\langle 0 \right| J_{\mu}(0) \left| {\T X} \right\rangle
\left\langle {\T X} \right| J^{\mu}(0) \left| 0 \right\rangle.
\end{equation}
Here $J^{\mu}$ is the electromagnetic current operator.
The sum in Eq.(\ref{eq:photon_spectral_function_2}) is taken
over all hadronic fluctuations of the photon with
four-momenta $p_{\T X} = q$ and squared invariant masses
$\mu^2 \equiv p_{\T X}^2 = q^2$.
At small center-of-mass energies,
$s\,\lsim \,1$GeV$^2$, the spectrum
(\ref{eq:photon_spectral_function_2}) is dominated by the vector mesons
$\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$ as shown in Fig.\ref{fig:ratio_epem/mupmum}.
The high energy spectrum at $s>1$ GeV$^2$ is characterized by
quark-antiquark continuum plateaus together with isolated
charmonium and upsilon resonances.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/epem_1.eps,height=80mm}
\end{center}
\vspace*{1cm}
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/epem_2.eps,height=80mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Cross section $\sigma_{e^+ e^- \rightarrow {\T {hadrons}}}/
\sigma_{e^+ e^- \rightarrow \mu^+\mu^-}$.
}
\label{fig:ratio_epem/mupmum}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
The lab frame space-time pattern of deep-inelastic scattering
(Section \ref{Sec:space_time}) suggests that the
nucleon structure function at small $x$
can be described by the following
expression
\cite{Gribov:1970,Frankfurt:1989zg}:
\begin{equation}
\label{eq:F2N_AJ}
F_{2}^{\T N}(x,Q^2) =
\frac{Q^2}{\pi}
\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{\mu_{max}^2}\,d\mu^2
\,
\frac{\mu^2 \,\Pi (\mu^2)}
{\left(\mu^2+Q^2\right)^2}\;
\int_0^1\, d \xi \,
\sigma_{\T{hN}}(W,\mu^2; \xi)\,.
\end{equation}
The basic idea behind this ansatz is the following.
For $x\ll 1$, or large lab frame propagation length
$\lambda \sim 2\nu/(Q^2 + \mu^2)$ of a
given $q\bar q$ fluctuation of mass $\mu$, the
vacuum spectrum $\Pi(\mu^2)$ remains more or less
unaffected by the presence of the target nucleon.
The high-energy virtual photon with $\nu \gg Q^2/2M$
behaves like a beam of hadrons with masses
$\mu < \mu_{\max}$.
Their maximum possible mass is determined by the condition
that $\lambda$ must exceed the size $R\simeq 5 M^{-1}$
of the target nucleon, so that (roughly)
$\mu_{\max} \sim \sqrt{\nu M}$.
The interaction of this beam with the nucleon is described
by the cross section $\sigma_{\T {hN}}$ which depends on
$\mu^2$ and on the hadron/photon-nucleon center-of-mass energy
$W = \sqrt{2 M \nu + M^2 - Q^2} \simeq \sqrt{2 M \nu}
= Q/\sqrt x$.
For a $q\bar q$ pair treated to leading order in $\alpha_s$,
it also depends on the fraction $\xi$ of the photon light-cone
momentum carried by the quark.
The sum in Eq.(\ref{eq:F2N_AJ}) is taken over hadronic fluctuations of
the photon with fixed invariant mass.
The ansatz neglects contributions to the
forward virtual photon scattering amplitude in which the mass
$\mu$ can change during the interaction.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/fn_ajm_2.eps,height=80mm,width=120mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{The nucleon structure function $F_2^{\T N}$ for small $x$
plotted against $Q^2$. The full line has been obtained
in Ref.\cite{Piller:1995kh} from Eq.(\ref{eq:F2N_AJ}).
The dashed line indicates the contribution
of the vector mesons $\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$.
The data are from the NMC \cite{Amaudruz:1992bf}.
}
\label{fig:fn_ajm}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
The small-$x$ structure function $F_{2}^{\T N} (x,Q^2)$
as given in Eq.(\ref{eq:F2N_AJ}) is governed
by contributions from intermediate hadronic
states with an invariant mass
$\mu^2\sim Q^2$.
For small momentum transfers,
$Q^2\,\lsim\, 1\,\mbox{GeV}^2$, low mass vector mesons $\rho,\;\omega$ and
$\phi$ are of major importance.
Their dominance leads to the scale
breaking behavior $F_{2}^{\T N}(x,Q^2) \sim Q^2$ for
$Q^2 \rightarrow 0$ at small $x$.
For larger momentum transfers,
$Q^2>m_{\phi}^2\approx 1\,\mbox{GeV}^2$,
the structure function $F_{2}^{\T N}$ is determined primarily
by the interactions of quark-antiquark pairs from the ${q\bar q}$ continuum.
The color singlet nature of hadronic
fluctuations of the virtual photon implies that their interaction
cross section is proportional
to their transverse size.
Quark pairs with momenta ``aligned'' along the direction of
the virtual photon have a large transverse size.
Their cross sections should be comparable to typical
hadronic cross sections.
On the other hand ``non-aligned'' quarks are characterized by
small transverse size.
Their cross sections should therefore be small.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/fa_ajm_tif.eps,height=120mm,width=8cm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Results from Ref.\cite{Piller:1995kh} for the shadowing
in He, Li, C, and Ca compared to experimental data from NMC
(dots and squares)
\cite{Amaudruz:1995tq,Arneodo:1995cs} and
FNAL (triangles) \cite{Adams:1995is}.
The dashed curves show the shadowing caused by the vector mesons
$\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$ only,
the solid curves are the results including the $q\bar q$ continuum.
}
\label{fig:fa_ajm}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
With these ingredients, Eq.(\ref{eq:F2N_AJ}) gives a good
description of the free nucleon structure function
$F_{2}^{\T N}$ for $x < 0.1$ and moderate $Q^2$.
A comparison with data from NMC is shown in Fig.\ref{fig:fn_ajm}.
While the vector meson contribution vanishes as $1/Q^2$ for large $Q^2$,
the ${q\bar q}$ continuum pairs are responsible for scaling,
$F_{2}^{\T N}(x,Q^2) \sim \ln (Q^2)$,
at large $Q^2$.
Note however the importance of vector mesons at small $Q^2$.
One finds that at $Q^2 = 1\,\mbox{GeV}^2$ almost half of
$F_{2}^{\T N}$ at $x=0.01$ is due to vector mesons.
At $Q^2= 10\,\mbox{GeV}^2$ they still contribute about $15\%$.
In these calculations the vector meson part of the spectrum
$\Pi(\mu^2)$ is \cite{Bauer:1978iq}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:phot_vm}
\Pi^{(\T V)}(\mu^2) =
\left(\frac{m_{V}}{g_{V}} \right)^2
\delta(\mu^2 - m_{V}^2)
\end{equation}
with $V = \rho, \omega, \phi$, the empirical vector meson masses
$m_{\T V}$ and the coupling constants
$g_{\rho} = 5.0$, $g_{\omega} = 17.0$ and $g_{\phi} = 12.9$.
The vector meson-nucleon cross sections are
$\sigma_{\rho \T N} \approx \sigma_{\omega \T N} \approx 25$ mb,
$\sigma_{\phi \T N} \approx 10$ mb.
Nuclear structure functions $F_{2}^{\T A}$ for $x<0.1$ are
expressed in an analogous way as in Eq.(\ref{eq:F2N_AJ}),
with the hadron-nucleon cross sections $\sigma_{\T{hN}}$
replaced by the
corresponding hadron-nucleus cross sections $\sigma_{\T{hA}}$.
The relation between $\sigma_{\T{hA}}$ and $\sigma_{\T{hN}}$
is given by Glauber-Gribov multiple scattering theory,
see Eq.(\ref{eq:adep}).
In Fig.\ref{fig:fa_ajm} we present typical results for the shadowing
ratio\footnote{It is common practice to normalize $F_2^{\T A}$ such that
it represents the nuclear structure function {\em per nucleon}.}
$R_{\T A} = F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{\T N}$ from Ref.\cite{Piller:1995kh}.
Finally we comment on the observed weak $Q^2$-dependence
of the shadowing effect.
In the spectral ansatz (\ref{eq:F2N_AJ}) the given value of $Q^2$
selects that part of the hadron mass spectrum around $\mu^2 \sim Q^2$
which dominates the interaction, and hence determines which
cross sections $\sigma_{\T{hN}}(\mu^2)$ contribute significantly
to the multiple scattering series.
While the interaction cross sections decrease
as $1/\mu^2$ with increasing mass as required by Bjorken scaling,
pairs which are aligned with the photon momentum
interact with large cross sections, even for large
$\mu$, and therefore produce strong shadowing.
This is the reason for the very weak overall $Q^2$-dependence
of shadowing in this framework.
A comparison of results from Ref.\cite{Piller:1995kh}
with NMC data for the slope $b$ of the ratio
$F_2^{\T {Sn}}/F_2^{\T C} \approx a + b \ln Q^2$
is presented in Fig.\ref{fig:rqsq_ajm}.
For a more detailed discussion of these issues
including QCD corrections, see Ref.\cite{Frankfurt:1988nt}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\hspace*{2cm}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/q2_final.eps,height=110mm,width=130mm}
\end{center}
\vspace*{-4cm}
\caption[...]{
The slope $b = d (F_2^{\T {Sn}}/F_2^{\T C})/d\ln Q^2$
indicating the $Q^2$ dependence of the shadowing ratio
$\T{Sn}/{\T C}$. The calculation is described in
\cite{Piller:1995kh}. Data are taken from \cite{Arneodo:1996ru}.
}
\label{fig:rqsq_ajm}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Vector meson dominance and pomeron exchange}
As indicated in Eqs.(\ref{eq:ds_corr_full},\ref{eq:ms_A}),
nuclear shadowing
is directly related to the diffractive production
cross section $d\sigma^{diff}_{\gamma^* {\T N}}/dM_{\T X}^2 \,dt$
or, equivalently, to the diffractive structure function
$F_2^{D(4)}$.
Diffractive production at $Q^2 \,\lsim\, 1\,\rm{GeV}^2$
is dominated by the excitation of
the vector mesons $\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$.
Their contributions can be described within the framework
of vector meson dominance (see e.g. \cite{Bauer:1978iq}).
Neglecting transitions between different vector mesons and
omitting contributions from longitudinally polarized
virtual photons one finds:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:ms_VM}
\left.
\frac{d\sigma^{diff\,({\T V})}_{\gamma^* {\T N}} } {dM_{\T X}^2 dt}
\right|_{t\approx 0}
= \frac{\alpha}{4} \,
\frac{\Pi^{(\T V)}(M_{\T X}^2) \,M_{\T X}^2}{(Q^2 + M_{\T X}^2)^2}
\,\sigma_{{\T {XN}}}^2\,.
\end{equation}
Here the vector meson part (\ref{eq:phot_vm})
of the photon spectral function enters.
Combining Eqs.(\ref{eq:ms_A},\ref{eq:ms_VM}) shows that
the contribution of vector mesons to nuclear shadowing vanishes
indeed as $1/Q^2$.
The diffractive excitation of heavy mass states is commonly
parametrized according to the Regge ansatz as in
Eq.(\ref{eq:F_2D4_regge}).
Most descriptions concentrate on the dominant contribution from
pomeron exchange.
The pomeron structure function $F_{2}^{\rm I\!P}$ is modeled
in agreement with available data on diffraction.
At large $Q^2$ it is supposed
to scale, i.e. it depends at most logarithmically on $Q^2$.
This leads to scaling for nuclear shadowing at large $Q^2$.
On the other hand, at $Q^2 \ll 1\,\rm{GeV}^2$ one assumes
$F_{2}^{\rm I\!P} \sim Q^2$ \cite{Kwiecinski:1988ys}
which ensures that the shadowing
correction to the nuclear structure function, $\delta F_{2}^{\T A}$,
vanishes at $Q^2 = 0$, just like $F_{2}^{\T A}$ itself.
Investigations of shadowing effects along theses lines can
be found in
\cite{Melnitchouk:1993vc,Kwiecinski:1988ys,Badelek:1992qa,%
Nikolaev:1991yw,Nikolaev:1992gw,Zoller:1992ns}.
In Fig.\ref{fig:wally_shad_xe} a typical result for shadowing in $\T {Xe}$
from \cite{Melnitchouk:1993vc} is shown.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/wally_shad_xe.eps,height=70mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Shadowing in $\T{Xe}$.
Details of the calculation are given in Ref.\cite{Melnitchouk:1993vc}.
The dashed curve shows the contribution of vector mesons
$\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$, while the solid curve includes
pomeron exchange. The data
are from the E665 collaboration \cite{Adams:1992nf}.
}
\label{fig:wally_shad_xe}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsubsection{Generalized vector meson dominance}
\label{sssec:GVMD}
Generalized vector meson dominance models describe deep-inelastic
lepton scattering at small $x$ purely in terms of
hadronic degrees of freedom
\cite{Sakurai:1972wk,Sakurai:1972zs,Schildknecht:1973gi,%
Fraas:1975gh,Devenish:1976ky,Bilchak:1988zn,%
Ditsas:1975vd,Ditsas:1976yv,Shaw:1989mn}.
For a free nucleon this leads to the following picture:
prior to its interaction with the target
the virtual photon fluctuates
into a hadronic state with invariant mass $\mu$.
This fluctuation scatters from the target and
converts into a hadronic state with mass $\mu'$.
For transversely polarized photons this translates into a
forward Compton amplitude of the form:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:A_gammaN}
{\cal A}_{\gamma^*{\T N}}^T (W,Q^2)
\sim
\int d\,\mu^2 \int d{\mu'}^2
\frac{\rho(\mu,\mu';W)}{(\mu^2 + Q^2)({\mu'}^2 + Q^2)}\,,
\end{equation}
with a double spectral distribution $\rho$ depending on the
photon-nucleon center-of-mass energy $W$.
Here the integrals over initial and final hadronic fluctuations
and their propagators are made explicit.
The continuum of hadronic intermediate states
which determines the double spectral function $\rho(\mu,\mu';W)$
is commonly approximated by a discrete set of narrow vector meson states
${\T V}_n$ $(n=1,2,\dots)$.
The resulting transverse photon-nucleon cross section is:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:GVMD_sigmaT}
\sigma^T_{\gamma^* {\T N}} = \sum_{n,m} \frac{e}{g_m}
\frac{M^2_{m}}{M^2_{m}+Q^2} \Sigma_{mn}(W)
\frac{M^2_{n}}{M^2_{n}+Q^2}\frac{e}{g_n}\,.
\end{equation}
In Refs.\cite{Fraas:1975gh,Ditsas:1976yv} the vector mesons are assumed to
be equally spaced
in mass, starting with the $\rho$-meson.
The photon-vector meson couplings $g_n$ are chosen
to reproduce average scaling in $e^+ e^-$ annihilation into hadrons
(see Fig.\ref{fig:ratio_epem/mupmum}).
$\Sigma_{mn}$ denotes the imaginary part of the vector meson-nucleon
transition amplitude,
${\T V}_m {\T N} \rightarrow {\T V}_n \T N$, in the forward direction.
For diagonal terms it is equal to the total ${\T V}_n$-nucleon cross
section, $\Sigma_{nn} = \sigma({{\T V}_n \T N})$,
which is taken to be constant.
The next step in simplification is to consider
only diagonal ($m=n)$ and nearest off-diagonal ($m=n\pm 1$)
contributions.
A fine-tuned cancelation between the corresponding amplitudes $\Sigma_{mn}$
leads to a reasonable description of the nucleon structure function
$F_{2}^{\T N}$ at moderate momentum transfers $Q^2$.
An extension of this approach to nuclear targets involves
multiple scattering of hadronic fluctuations
from several nucleons.
The multiple scattering process
is described by a coupled channel optical model
\cite{Schildknecht:1973gi,Ditsas:1976yv} which accounts for the
shadowing criteria in Eq.(\ref{eq:cond_i}),
i.e. only those hadronic fluctuations with longitudinal interaction
lengths larger than their mean free path in the nuclear medium
contribute significantly to multiple scattering and thus to
shadowing.
GVMD calculations applied to nuclear DIS data
can be found in Refs.\cite{Bilchak:1989ck,Shaw:1993gx}.
\subsubsection{Vector mesons and quark scattering}
We add a few remarks and references about approaches dealing
with DIS in terms of quark dynamics.
The starting point in Ref.\cite{Brodsky:1990qz} is a description of
DIS from nucleons at large $Q^2$ and small $x$ in terms
of quark-nucleon scattering \cite{Landshoff:1971ff}.
The quark-nucleon scattering amplitude is formulated
using Regge phenomenology and constrained by the
quark distributions of free nucleons.
The interaction strength of quark-nucleon scattering is
determined by the quark-nucleon cross section,
taken to be about $1/3$ of the nucleon-nucleon cross section.
At center of mass energies $s \sim 200$ GeV$^2$
one finds $\sigma_{q \T N} \approx 13$ mb \cite{Kulagin:1994fz}.
An extension to DIS from nuclei at small $x$
involves the quark-nucleus scattering amplitude.
Its connection with the amplitude for the scattering from
free nucleons is given through the Glauber-Gribov multiple scattering series.
In Ref.\cite{Kulagin:1994fz} the interactions of strongly correlated
quark-antiquark pairs, i.e. vector mesons, have been added.
One finds that vector mesons carry
more than half of the shadowing effect measured at E665 and NMC.
On the other hand, the interaction of uncorrelated quarks
is also important to ensure a weak $Q^2$-dependence of shadowing.
\subsubsection{Green function methods}
\label{sssec:Green_function_methods}
The previously mentioned models have outlined in
different ways the ingredients needed in order to understand
the physics of shadowing: the mass spectrum of
quark-gluon fluctuations of the virtual photon,
and the dynamics of the expanding and strongly
interacting quark-gluon configurations in the surrounding nuclear
system.
In most of the models the longitudinal propagation
of hadronic fluctuations of the photon is treated by multiple
scattering theory,
while the transverse degrees of freedom are more or less
``frozen'' during the passage through the nucleus.
Several questions are faced in this context.
The transverse size of quark-gluon fluctuations needs
to be connected with their effective mass;
the relationship with diffractive production must be
elucidated; higher order terms in the multiple
scattering series must be systematically incorporated,
at least for heavy nuclei.
A coordinate space Green function method which permits to
unify all those aspects has been developed in
Refs.\cite{Kopeliovich:1998gv,Raufeisen:1998rg}.
This work considers only quark-antiquark fluctuations of the photon.
It turns out that
some previous approximations can be recovered as limiting cases.
We follow Ref.\cite{Kopeliovich:1998gv} and give here a brief summary
of the essentials.
Consider the scattering of a virtual photon with high energy $\nu$
and large squared four-momentum, $Q^2 > 1$ GeV$^2$,
through a nucleus as illustrated in Fig.\ref{fig:kopel_shad}.
The longitudinal ($z$-) direction is defined by the
photon three-momentum, as usual. At point $z_1$
the photon produces a quark-antiquark pair with transverse
separation $b_1$.
Along its passage to point $z_2$ where it has a transverse separation
$b_2$, the $q\bar q$ fluctuation experiences multiple interactions
with nucleons in the nuclear target.
We are interested in the full Green function
$G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1)$ which describes the propagation
of the $q\bar q$ pair from $z_1$ to $z_2$, including
its dynamics in the transverse space coordinate.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/greens_fns.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{Propagation of a quark-antiquark fluctuation
of the virtual photon $\gamma^*$ between points $z_1$ and
$z_2$ where the pair has
transverse separation $\vec b_1$ and $\vec b_2$.
The Green function $G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1)$
sums all possible paths of the pair through the nucleus.
}
\label{fig:kopel_shad}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
This Green function enters in the shadowing part of the
$\gamma^*$-nucleus cross section, as follows.
One writes:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:delta_sig_kop}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma^* \T{A}}(x,Q^2)
&\equiv& \sigma_{\gamma^* \T{A}}(x,Q^2) - A \,\sigma_{\gamma^* \T{N}}(x,Q^2)
\nonumber \\
&=&
-2 \int d^2 b \int_{-\infty}^{\infty} d z_1 \,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_1)
\int_{z_1}^{\infty} d z_2 \,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_2)
\,W(z_2,z_1).
\end{eqnarray}
The quantity $W(z_2,z_1)$ has dimension $(length)^4$ and
describes the production of a $q\bar q$ fluctuation in the
process $\gamma^* \T N \rightarrow q\bar q \,\T N$,
its propagation from $z_1$ to $z_2$,
and its subsequent conversion back to a virtual photon:
\begin{eqnarray} \label{eq:W_z1_z2}
W(z_2,z_1) =
Re\,\int d^2 b_1 \int d^2 b_2 \int_0^1 d\xi \,
{\cal F}^*(\vec b_2,\xi)\,G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1)\,
{\cal F}(\vec b_1,\xi)\,
e^{i\kappa(z_2 - z_1)}.
\end{eqnarray}
It involves the amplitude
\begin{equation}
{\cal F}(\vec b,\xi) = \frac{1}{2}
\psi_{\gamma^* \rightarrow q\bar q}(\vec b,\xi) \,\sigma(\vec b)
\end{equation}
for the $\gamma^* \T N \rightarrow q\bar q \,\T N$ process leading
to a $q\bar q$ pair of transverse separation $\vec b$ in which the
quark carries the fraction $\xi$ of the photon light cone momentum
(see also Section \ref{ssec:Pert_Nonpert_Shad}).
The color dipole cross section $\sigma(\vec b)$ has the
characteristic color screening behavior, i.e. it vanishes
as $b^2$ at $b\rightarrow 0$ (see also Eq.(\ref{eq:sigma_qq})),
and the distribution of transverse separations is
determined by the amplitude
$\psi_{\gamma^* \rightarrow q\bar q}$.
The normalization of $\cal F$ is such that its Fourier transform
gives the $\gamma^* \T N \rightarrow q\bar q \,\T N$ diffractive
dissociation amplitude,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:dd_amp}
f(\vec k_{\perp}) = \int d^2 b\,{\cal F}(\vec b,\xi)
e^{i\vec k_{\perp} \cdot \vec b},
\end{equation}
in plane wave impulse approximation.
The phase factor $e^{i\kappa(z_2 - z_1)}$ involves the
characteristic wave number of the $q\bar q$ fluctuation:
\begin{equation}
\kappa = \frac{Q^2\,\xi(1-\xi) + m_q^2}{2 \nu\,\xi (1-\xi)}
\end{equation}
where $m_q$ is the (constituent) quark mass.
For $\xi=1/2$ the resulting
$\kappa = \frac{Q^2 + 4 m_q^2}{2\nu} \equiv \lambda^{-1}$
is just the inverse coherence length of a quark and antiquark
which travel side by side.
(For arbitrary $\xi$ this coherence length includes the
transverse momentum,
$\lambda^{-1} = \kappa + \vec k_{\perp}/[2 \nu\,\xi(1-\xi)]$.)
Let us now return to the propagation function $G$.
It satisfies a wave equation \cite{Kopeliovich:1998gv} which can be made
plausible by the following considerations.
The longitudinal motion along the $z$-axis is equivalent to the
time evolution of the $q\bar q$ fluctuation, represented by the
operator $i\frac{\partial}{\partial z_2}$.
The transverse dynamics has a kinetic term,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:tkin}
t_{kin} = -\frac{\vec \nabla_{b_2}^2}{2 \nu \xi (1-\xi)}
\end{equation}
with the $2$-dimensional Laplacian acting on the
transverse separation coordinate $\vec b_2$, and the
denominator reflecting the effective mass of the pair.
Interactions of the $q\bar q$ pair with the
nuclear medium at an impact parameter $\vec b$ are introduced by an
absorptive term,
\begin{equation}
v(b_2,\vec b) = - \frac{i}{2} \,\sigma(b_2)
\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_2).
\end{equation}
The wave equation for $G$ is then of the generic form
$i \partial \,G/\partial z = (t_{kin} + v) \,G$ or, more precisely,
\begin{equation} \label{eq:wave_eq}
\left[i\frac{\partial}{\partial z_2}
+
\frac{\vec \nabla_{b_2}^2}{2\nu\,\xi(1-\xi)}
+ \frac{i}{2}\sigma(b_2)\,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_2)\right]
G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1) = 0
\end{equation}
with the initial condition
$G(\vec b_2,z_1;\vec b_1,z_1) = \delta^2(\vec b_2 - \vec b_1)$.
One can now discuss several interesting limits:
\underline{ i) The ``frozen'' limit }
Take the energy $\nu\rightarrow \infty$ so that the kinetic
term (\ref{eq:tkin}) vanishes (with some extra care required
at the kinematic corners, $\xi = 0$ and $\xi = 1$).
Then
\begin{equation}
G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1) = \delta^2(\vec b_2 - \vec b_1)
\,\exp\left[-\frac{\sigma(b_2)}{2} \int_{z_1}^{z_2} dz\,
\rho_{\T A}(\vec b_1,z)
\right].
\end{equation}
Inserting this expression into
Eqs.(\ref{eq:W_z1_z2},\ref{eq:delta_sig_kop}) with
$\lambda \rightarrow \infty$ one finds:
\begin{eqnarray}
\sigma_{\gamma^* \T{A}} &=&
2 \int d^2 b \int d^2 b_{q\bar q} \int_0^1 d\xi\,
\left|\psi_{\gamma^* \rightarrow q\bar q}(\vec b_{q\bar q},\xi) \right|^2
\left\{1 -
\exp\left[-\frac{\sigma(b_{q\bar q})}{2} \int_{-\infty}^\infty dz\,
\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z)
\right]\right\}
\nonumber\\
\end{eqnarray}
and recovers the shadowing correction $\delta \sigma_{\gamma^* \T{A}}$
as in Glauber-Gribov multiple scattering theory by
expanding the exponential.
Note the difference compared to the standard Glauber eikonal
approximation where the cross section $\sigma(b_{q\bar q})$
is averaged in the exponent.
\underline{ ii) No absorption}
Take the limit $\sigma \rightarrow 0$ in the wave equation
(\ref{eq:wave_eq}). Then $G$ reduces to the free Green function
of the $q\bar q$ pair,
\begin{equation}
G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1) = \frac{1}{2\pi}
\int d^2 k_{\perp}\,
\exp\left[i \vec k_{\perp}\!\cdot\!(\vec b_2 - \vec b_1)
+ \frac{i \vec k_{\perp}^2 (z_2 - z_1)}{2 \nu\,\xi (1-\xi)}
\right].
\end{equation}
Inserting this into Eq.(\ref{eq:W_z1_z2}) and using the diffractive
dissociation amplitude (\ref{eq:dd_amp}) one finds
\begin{equation} \label{eq:no_abs}
W(z_1,z_2) = \frac{1}{2\pi}
\int_0^1 d\xi \int d^2 k_{\perp}
\left|f(\vec k_{\perp})\right|^2\,
\cos \left[\frac{Q^2 \xi (1-\xi) + m_q^2 + \vec k_\perp^2}
{2 \nu \xi (1-\xi)} \,(z_2-z_1)\right].
\end{equation}
We identify the squared effective mass,
$M_{\T X}^2 = (m_q^2 + \vec k_{\perp}^2)/\xi (1-\xi)$,
of the $q\bar q$ pair as in Eq.(\ref{eq:qq_mass})
and introduce its
coherence length $\lambda = 2\nu/(Q^2 + M_{\T X}^2)$.
Inserting Eq.(\ref{eq:no_abs}) into Eq.(\ref{eq:delta_sig_kop}) one then
recovers the double scattering result, Eq.(\ref{eq:ds_A}),
with the factorized two-body density
$\rho_{\T A}^{(2)}(\vec b,z_1;\vec b,z_2) =
\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_1)\,\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z_2)$.
It is now also apparent how the additional absorption
factor in Eq.(\ref{eq:ms_A}) is obtained, introducing an
average cross section $\sigma_{\T{XN}}$ in the exponent.
\pagebreak
\underline{ iii) Propagation in uniform nuclear matter}
Assume that the $q\bar q$ pair moves in a nuclear medium
of uniform density
$\rho_{\T A}(\vec b,z) = \rho_0 = const.$
($\rho_0 = 0.17$ fm$^{-3}$ for normal nuclear matter).
Suppose that the color dipole cross section is
approximated by
\begin{equation}
\sigma(b_{q\bar q}) = c \,b_{q\bar q}^2
\end{equation}
with a constant parameter $c$. In this case the wave equation
(\ref{eq:wave_eq}) reduces to
\begin{equation}
\left[i\frac{\partial}{\partial z_2}
+
\frac{\vec \nabla_{b_2}^2}{2\nu\,\xi(1-\xi)}
+ \frac{i c}{2} \,\rho_0 \,b_2^2 \right]
G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,z_1) = 0.
\end{equation}
This is formally reminiscent of the Schr\"odinger equation
for a harmonic oscillator with complex frequency.
One finds \cite{Kopeliovich:1998gv}
\begin{eqnarray}
G(\vec b_2,z_2;\vec b_1,0) =
\frac{a}{2 \pi \sinh(\omega z)}\,
\exp\left\{-\frac{a}{2}\left[(\vec b_1^2 + \vec b_2^2) \coth (\omega z)
- \frac{2 \vec b_1 \cdot \vec b_2}{\sinh (\omega z)}\right]\right\},
\end{eqnarray}
with
\begin{equation}
\omega^2 = \left(\frac{c\,\rho_0}{a}\right)^2 =
i \frac{c\,\rho_0}{\nu\xi(1-\xi)}.
\end{equation}
This is a convenient approximation to account for multiple
scattering and absorption of the $q\bar q$ fluctuation, still
keeping track of its transverse dynamics during its passage
through the nuclear medium.
Instructive results are discussed in Ref.\cite{Kopeliovich:1998gv}.
\subsubsection{Meson exchange and shadowing}
\label{sssec:shad_meson}
Up to now we have concentrated on
diffractive contributions to nuclear
shadowing, in which the nucleons interacting with the
virtual photon are left unchanged.
The coherent interaction of the photon
with several nucleons in the target nucleus can also involve
non-diffractive processes,
in particular, reactions in which nucleons change
their charge.
These are commonly described by the exchange of
mesons and sub-leading Reggeons.
Modifications to nuclear structure functions at small $x$
through meson exchange have been investigated in
Refs.\cite{Melnitchouk:1993eu,Nikolaev:1997jy} for deuterium.
In this work significant effects come
from the interaction of the
virtual photon with pions emitted from the target proton
or neutron.
Here, as in diffraction, a hadronic state X is produced which
subsequently re-scatters from the second nucleon.
Contributions from the exchange of other mesons,
e.g. $\rho$ and $\omega$, turn out to be negligible.
For the double scattering contribution through pion exchange
one finds in analogy with Eq.(\ref{eq:ds_corr_full}):
\begin{equation} \label{eq:ds_pion}
\delta \sigma_{\gamma ^* {\T d}}^{\pi}
=
\frac{2}{\pi} \int d^2 k_{\perp}
\int_{4 m_{\pi}^2}^{W^2} dM_{\T X}^2 \, S_{\T d}^{\pi}(\vec k) \,
\frac{d^2 \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}^{\pi}}
{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}.
\end{equation}
Here ${d^2 \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}^{\pi}}/{dM_{\T X}^2 dt}$
is the cross section for the semi-inclusive production of
a hadronic state with invariant mass $M_{\T X}$ from a proton or
neutron via pion exchange.
The form factor in Eq.(\ref{eq:ds_pion}) accounts for the
spin-dependent response of the deuteron:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:Sd_pi}
S_{\T d}^{\pi}(\vec k) =
\frac{1}{3} \sum_m \int d^3 P \,
\psi_{\T d}^{m\dagger}(\vec P) \,\vec \sigma_p\cdot \hat {\vec k} \,
\,\vec \sigma_n\cdot \hat {\vec k} \,\psi_{\T d}^m(\vec P-\vec k),
\end{equation}
where $\vec k$ is the pion momentum and
$\hat {\vec k} = \vec k/|\vec k|$.
The momentum-space wave function of the deuteron with polarization $m$
is denoted by $\psi_{\T d}^m$.
Furthermore the non-relativistic form of the
pion-nucleon coupling is used \cite{Machleidt:1987hj}.
Note that the energy of the exchanged pion is determined by
$k_0 = M_{\T d} - \sqrt{M^2 + \vec P^2} - \sqrt{M^2 - (\vec P - \vec k)^2}$,
where $\vec P$ is the momentum of the parent nucleon.
We denote the pion four-momentum by $k=(k_0, \vec k)$.
For the longitudinal pion momentum one has
$k_3 \approx y M$ with the pion light-cone momentum fraction
$y=k\cdot q/P\cdot q$, and we introduce $t = k^2$ along with the
usual Bjorken-$x$.
It is common to factorize the semi-inclusive differential cross
section:
\begin{equation}
\frac{d^2 \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T N}}^{\pi}}{dy dt}(x,Q^2;y,t) =
f_{\pi/{\T N}}(y,t) \, \sigma_{\gamma^* \pi}(x/y, Q^2).
\end{equation}
Here the photon-pion cross section is related
to the structure function of the pion by
$F_{2}^{\pi}(x,Q^2) =
(Q^2/4 \pi^2 \alpha) \,\sigma_{\gamma^* \pi}(x, Q^2)$,
and the pion distribution function in the nucleon is given by:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:f_piN}
f_{\pi/{\T N}}(y,t) = \frac{3 g_{\pi {\T {N N}}}^2}{16 \pi^2}
\frac{\left|{\cal F}_{\pi {\T {N N}}}(t)\right|^2 (-t)}
{(t - m_{\pi}^2)^2} \,y,
\end{equation}
with the pion-nucleon coupling constant
$g_{\pi {\T {NN}}}$
and the $\pi {\T {NN}}$ form factor ${\cal F}_{\pi {\T {N N}}}$
normalized to unity for on-mass-shell
pions, i.e. ${\cal F}_{\pi {\T {N N}}}=1$ for $t = k^2 = m_{\pi}^2$.
For practical calculations the pion structure function
has been approximated by that of the free
pion, as parametrized in
\cite{Betev:1985pg,Gluck:1992ey}
in accordance with Drell-Yan leptoproduction data.
Here, however, only the region $x>0.1$ has been measured.
An extraction of the pion structure function at small $x$
from semi-exclusive reactions at HERA has been discussed
recently in \cite{Holtmann:1994rs,Przybycien:1996zb}.
The resulting pionic
correction $\delta \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T d}}^{\pi}$
to double scattering turns out to be
positive, i.e. it causes ``anti-shadowing''.
The relative weight of $\delta \sigma_{\gamma^* {\T d}}^{\pi}$
decreases with decreasing $x$.
At typical values $Q^2 =4\,\rm{GeV^2}$ and
$0.001 < x < 0.1$ it amounts
to around $30\%$ of the overall shadowing correction
\cite{Melnitchouk:1993eu}.
In Ref.\cite{Nikolaev:1997jy} the pion correction
$\delta \sigma_{\gamma^*{\T d}}^{\T \pi}$ has
been found to be negligible at large $Q^2 \,\gsim\, 10$ GeV$^2$.
Note however that the quoted results depend sensitively on
the yet unknown pion structure function at small $x$, the
deuteron wave function and the choice for the pion-nucleon
form factor.
\subsubsection{Discussion}
The models sketched above give quite reasonable descriptions of the
data on nuclear shadowing measured at CERN and FNAL.
All of them support the general observation that
nuclear shadowing as measured by
NMC
\cite{Amaudruz:1995tq,Arneodo:1995cs,Amaudruz:1991cc,Amaudruz:1992dj,%
Arneodo:1996rv,Arneodo:1996ru,Arneodo:1994ia}
and E665
\cite{Adams:1992nf,Adams:1995is,Adams:1992vm,Adams:1995sh}
at small $x<0.01$ receives
major contributions from the
coherent interaction of the vector mesons $\rho$, $\omega$ and $\phi$.
In fact those experiments are performed
at small average momentum transfers
$\overline Q^2 \,\lsim\, 1$ GeV$^2$.
On the other hand, the observed weak $Q^2$-dependence of the
shadowing effect
originates from the coherent interaction of
strongly interacting quark-antiquark fluctuations
with large masses, $M_{\T X} > 1$ GeV.
\subsection{Interpretation of
nuclear shadowing in the infinite momentum frame}
\label{ssec:shad_IMF}
In this section we briefly discuss how nuclear shadowing
develops in the infinite momentum frame where
the parton model for deep-inelastic scattering can be applied.
We found in Section \ref{ssec:IMF_spati}
that, in this frame, the wave functions of
partons from different nucleons in the nucleus
start to overlap for $x < 0.1$.
One then expects that the interaction of
partons belonging to different nucleons increases.
Shadowing at small $x<0.1$ is supposed to be due to the
fusion or recombination of partons from different nucleons,
thereby effectively reducing the quark distributions of each
nucleon.
At the same time parton fusion leads to an enhancement
of partons at $x > 0.1$.
In Ref.\cite{Close:1989ca} modifications of parton
distributions due to parton fusion have been derived
and found to be proportional to $1/Q^2$.
Therefore parton fusion processes seem to be suppressed at large momentum
transfers but can be significant at low $Q^2$.
Procedures for modeling
nuclear parton distributions at small $x$ have been
proposed in Refs.\cite{Kumano:1992ef,Close:1989ca,Kumano:1994pn}.
Recombination effects modify these distributions
dominantly at a low momentum scale $Q_0^2$ where
parton fusion is calculated and incorporated in
the initial quark and gluon distribution functions.
Parton distributions at $Q^2 > Q_0^2$ are then
derived through the calculation of radiative QCD corrections
using DGLAP evolution (see Section \ref{ssec:AP_eq}).
To describe the measured shadowing of the NMC and E665 collaboration
a typical scale $Q^2_0 \approx 0.8$ GeV$^2$ has been used
in Refs.\cite{Kumano:1992ef,Kumano:1994pn}.
As a result the empirical shadowing for $F_2^{\T A}$ can be described.
It should be mentioned that the calculation of the recombination
effect within perturbation theory
is certainly questionable at a low momentum scale $Q_0^2$.
The results are strongly sensitive to model parameters,
such as the initial scale $Q_0^2$ and
the input parton distributions.
Note that the recombination effects discussed here
involve parton distributions at a low momentum scale.
This ``initial-state recombination'' is different from
the ``radiative recombination'', discussed in
Section \ref{ssec:High_parton_densities},
which modifies the parton evolution by recombination
of radiatively produced partons.
\subsection{Nuclear parton distributions at small $x$}
\label{ssec:nuclear_parton_distr}
Any quantitative QCD analysis of high energy processes involving nuclei
requires a detailed knowledge of nuclear parton distributions.
In this section we outline the empirical information
on their difference with respect to quark and gluon
distribution functions of free nucleons.
Let us first focus on the nuclear gluon distribution.
The $Q^2$-dependence of deep-inelastic structure functions at small $x$
is dominated by gluon radiation.
One can therefore extract nuclear gluon distribution
functions from a precise analysis of scaling violations of
the structure functions $F_2^{\T A}$.
In leading order perturbation theory and in the limit $x \ll 0.1$
the DGLAP equations (\ref{eq:DGLAP},\ref{eq:DGLAP_s})
reduce to the simple form \cite{Prytz:1993vr}:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:F_2_glue}
\frac{\partial F_2(x,Q^2)}{\partial \ln Q^2}
\approx \frac{\alpha_s}{3\pi} \sum_f e_f^2 \, x \,g(2x,Q^2).
\end{equation}
This relation, with further inclusion of
small corrections from quark contributions,
has been used in an analysis \cite{Gousset:1996xt} of high statistics
NMC data on
the $Q^2$-dependence of the structure function ratio
$F_2^{\T{Sn}}/F_2^{\T C}$ shown in Fig.\ref{fig:sn/c_a}.
The result for the corresponding ratio of nuclear gluon distributions,
$g_{\T{Sn}}/g_{\T C}$, is shown in Fig.\ref{fig:gousset}.
At $x<0.1$ the gluon distribution is shadowed,
i.e. $g_{\T{Sn}}/g_{\T C}<1$, in a similar way as
the structure function $F_2$.
This observation is quite natural since
$F_2$ at $x<0.1$ is dominated
by contributions from sea quarks.
The intimate relation between sea quarks and gluons
through DGLAP evolution then also suggests shadowing for gluons.
At $0.05<x<0.15$ an approximate $8\%$
enhancement of nuclear gluons has been found.
This observation is in agreement with an analysis of NMC data
for inelastic $J/\psi$-lepto\-pro\-duction \cite{Amaudruz:1992sr}
as indicated in Fig.\ref{fig:gousset}.
The enhancement of nuclear gluon distributions around
$x\simeq 0.1$ is consistent with the fact
that the total momentum of hadrons is given by the sum of
the momenta of its parton constituents
\cite{Frankfurt:1990xz,Eskola:1998iy}.
The empirical information on this sum rule applied
to quarks has been presented in Section \ref{ssec:moments_str_fns}.
It implies that the momentum carried by gluons is, within
error bars, equal in nucleons and nuclei, i.e.
\begin{equation} \label{eq:mom_SR_gluons}
\int^{1}_0 dx \,x\,
g_{\T N}(x,Q^2) \approx
\int^{A}_0 dx \,x \, g_{\T A}(x,Q^2).
\end{equation}
Consequently, shadowing of nuclear gluon distributions
at small $x$ has to be compensated by
an enhancement at larger values of $x$.
Assuming the latter to be located in the region
$0.05 < x < 0.15$ leads to results similar to the
ones shown in Fig.\ref{fig:gousset} \cite{Frankfurt:1990xz}.
Note that the close relation between shadowing and diffraction
allows to estimate gluon shadowing using data on
diffractive charm and dijet production from free nucleons.
A corresponding analysis of HERA data has been carried out
in Refs.\cite{Frankfurt:1998ym,Alvero:1998bz}.
It suggests significantly larger shadowing for gluons than for
quarks.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\input{FIGURES/gousset.tex}
\caption{
Results from Ref.\cite{Gousset:1996xt} for
the ratio of the Sn and carbon gluon
densities, $g_{\rm Sn}(x)/g_{\rm C}(x)$,
together with the measured ratio of structure functions
$F_2^{\rm Sn}(x)/F_2^{\rm C}(x)$ \cite{Arneodo:1996ru}.
The box represents the extraction of the ratio of gluon distributions
from $J/\psi$ electroproduction data \cite{Amaudruz:1992sr}.
}
\label{fig:gousset}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Nuclear effects in valence and sea quark distributions
can be further disentangled using Drell-Yan dilepton production
data \cite{Frankfurt:1990xz,Eskola:1998iy}.
The E772 collaboration at FNAL has found shadowing for nuclear
antiquark distributions at $x<0.1$ but no enhancement
as discussed in Section \ref{sssec:DY}.
Combining this with the fact that the nuclear structure function
ratio $F_2^{\T A}/F_2^{\T N} \gsim 1$ for $0.05 < x < 0.2$,
one concludes that nuclear valence quarks have to be enhanced
around $x\sim 0.1$.
From the baryon number sum rule
\begin{equation}
\int_0^1 dx \, q_v^{\T N}(x,Q^2) =
\int_0^A dx \, q_v^{\T A}(x,Q^2)
\end{equation}
one then concludes that nuclear valence quark distributions, $q_v^{\T A}$,
must be shadowed at $x<0.05$.
Typical results from Ref.\cite{Frankfurt:1990xz}
are shown in Fig.\ref{fig:momspace-Ca}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\hspace*{1cm}
\input{FIGURES/mSAEF.Ca.tex}
\caption{
Momentum-space ratios from Ref.\cite{Eskola:1998iy}
relative to the free nucleon,
for gluon
distributions, valence quark distributions, and the $F_2$ structure
function in $^{40}$Ca at $Q^2 = 4$ GeV$^2$.
}
\label{fig:momspace-Ca}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
To summarize, present data on nuclear shadowing imply that all
parton distributions are shadowed at
$x \ll 0.1$, while only valence quarks and gluons are enhanced
around $x\sim 0.1$.
The kinematic range where enhancement takes place is
related to processes which involve
typical longitudinal distances of $1\,\rm{fm}$ in the laboratory.
This is the region where components of the nuclear wave function
with overlapping parton distributions should be relevant.
In Ref.\cite{Frankfurt:1990xz} it was suggested that
at such distances inter-nucleon forces are a result
of quark and gluon exchange leading to the observed
enhancement.
In such a picture the enhancement of gluons should
increase with the density of the nuclear target.
A $10\%$ enhancement of glue at $x \sim 0.1$ in Sn as compared to C
would then imply a $20\%$ increase of the gluon density
in Pb as compared to free nucleons \cite{Frankfurt:1990xz}.
This would imply a dramatic change of gluon fields
in nuclear matter at distances of
$1\,\rm{fm}$ between nucleons.
More detailed information on nuclear parton distributions
is certainly needed.
The shadowing region -- where nuclear effects are large -- is
of particular interest.
Further constraints on gluon shadowing from deep-inelastic
scattering require data on the $Q^2$-dependence of nuclear
structure functions at smaller values of $x$ as indicated by
Eq.(\ref{eq:F_2_glue}).
A more quantitative separation of nuclear effects in
valence and sea quark distributions could be obtained
from Drell-Yan dilepton production or neutrino scattering
experiments with high statistics.
On the other hand, an extraction of nuclear parton distributions
in hadron production processes
from nuclei, e.g. lepto- or hadroproduction of charmonium
or open charm (see e.g. \cite{Vogt:1991qd,Vogt:1992ki}),
is complicated by possible final state
interactions and higher twist corrections.
\section{Space-time description of deep-inelastic scattering}
\label{Sec:space_time}
\setcounter{section}{4}
\setcounter{figure}{0}
So far our picture of deep-inelastic scattering has been developed
in momentum space. The partonic interpretation of structure
functions is particularly transparent in the infinite momentum
frame in which the nucleon (or nucleus) moves with (longitudinal)
momentum $P \rightarrow \infty$. In this frame the Bjorken variable $x$
has a simple meaning as the fraction of the nucleon momentum carried
by a parton when it is struck by the virtual photon.\footnote{
A simple interpretation is also possible in the laboratory
frame using light-front dynamics. In this description, the scattering
cross section is determined by the square of the target ground
state wave function
(for a review and references see e.g. \cite{Brodsky:1997de}). }
For an investigation of nuclear effects in DIS the infinite momentum
frame is not always optimal. Instead, it is often preferable
to describe the scattering process in the laboratory frame where
the target is at rest.
Only in that frame the detailed knowledge about nuclear structure in
terms of many-body wave functions, meson exchange currents etc. can
be used efficiently. Also, the physical effects implied by characteristic
nuclear scales (the nuclear radius $R_{\T A} \sim A^{1/3}$ and the
average nucleon-nucleon distance $d \simeq 2$ fm)
are best discussed in the lab frame.
In this section we elaborate on several aspects relevant to
deep-inelastic scattering as viewed in coordinate space.
We first discuss the coordinate space resolution of the DIS probe.
Then we introduce coordinate space distribution functions
(so-called Ioffe-time distributions) of quarks and gluons and
summarize results for free protons.
A detailed discussion of nuclear effects in coordinate space
distributions follows next.
In the final part we comment on the relationship between
lab frame and infinite momentum frame pictures.
\subsection{Deep-inelastic scattering in coordinate space}
We follow here essentially the discussion in Ref.\cite{Vanttinen:1998iz}
(see also \cite{Frankfurt:1988nt,Ioffe:1969kf,LlewellynSmith:1985pv,%
Hoyer:1996nr} and references therein).
Consider the scattering from a
free nucleon with momentum $P^{\mu} = (M,\vec 0)$
and invariant mass $M$ in the
laboratory frame. The four-momentum transfer $q^{\mu} = (\nu,\vec q)$,
carried by the exchanged virtual photon, is taken
to be in the (longitudinal)
$z$-direction, $\vec q = (\vec 0_{\perp}, q_3)$ with
$q_3 = \sqrt{\nu^2 + Q^2}$ and $Q^2 = -q^2$.
In the Bjorken limit, $\nu^2 \gg Q^2 \gg M^2$ with $x=Q^2/(2 M \nu)$
fixed, the light-cone components of the photon momentum
($q^{\pm}=\nu \pm q_3$) are $q^+ \simeq 2 \nu$ and $q^- \simeq - Mx$.
All information about the response of the target to the high-energy
virtual photon is in the hadronic tensor
\begin{equation} \label{eq:WJJ_ST}
W_{\mu\nu} (q,P) \sim
\int d^4 y \,e^{i q\cdot y} \,
\langle P| J_{\mu}(y) J_{\nu}(0)|P\rangle,
\end{equation}
(see Eq.(\ref{eq:WJJ})). Using
\begin{equation}
q\cdot y = \frac{1}{2}\left(q^+ y^- + q^- y^+\right) -
\vec q_{\perp} \cdot \vec y_{\perp}
\simeq \nu \,y^- - \frac{Mx}{2} \,y^+
- \vec q_{\perp} \cdot \vec y_{\perp},
\end{equation}
one obtains the following coordinate-space resolutions along the
light-cone distances $y^{\pm} = t \pm y_3$:
\begin{equation} \label{eq:typical_y}
\delta y^- \sim \frac{1}{\nu}
\quad\mbox{and} \quad
\delta y^+ \sim \frac{1}{Mx}.
\end{equation}
At $y^-=0$ the current correlation function in Eq.(\ref{eq:WJJ_ST})
is not analytic since it vanishes for
$y^+ y^- - {(\vec y_{\perp})}^2 < 0$ because of causality
(see e.g.\ \cite{Muta:1987mz}). Indeed in perturbation theory it
turns out to be singular at $y^-=0$. Assuming that the integrand
in (\ref{eq:WJJ_ST}) is an analytic function of $y^-$ elsewhere,
this implies that $W_{\mu\nu}$ is dominated for
$q^+ \rightarrow \infty$ by contributions from $y^-= 0$.
Causality implies that, in the transverse plane, only
contributions from ${(\vec y_{\perp})}^2 \simeq 1/Q^2$ are relevant:
deep-inelastic scattering is dominated
by contributions from the light cone, i.e.\ $y^2 = 0$.
Furthermore, Eq.(\ref{eq:typical_y}) suggests that
one probes increasing distances along the light cone
as $x$ is decreased.
Such a behavior is consistent with approximate
Bjorken scaling \cite{Ioffe:1969kf}.
The coordinate space analysis of nucleon structure
functions in Section \ref{section:CS-free-nucleon}
confirms this conjecture. In the
Bjorken limit the dominant contributions to the hadronic tensor at
small $x$ come from light-like separations of order $y^+ \sim 1/(Mx)$
between the electromagnetic currents in (\ref{eq:WJJ_ST}).
In the laboratory frame these considerations imply that deep-inelastic
scattering involves a longitudinal correlation length
\begin{equation} \label{eq:l_z}
y_3 \simeq \frac{y^+}{2} \equiv l
\end{equation}
of the virtual photon. Consequently, large longitudinal distances
are important in the scattering process at small $x$. This can also
be deduced in the framework of time-ordered perturbation theory
(see Section \ref{ssec:DIS_SPTH}), where $l$ determines
the typical propagation length of hadronic configurations present
in the interacting photon.
The space-time pattern of deep-inelastic scattering is illustrated
in Fig.\ref{fig:diagrams} in terms of the imaginary part of the forward
Compton amplitude: the virtual photon interacts with
partons which propagate a distance $y^+$ along the light cone.
The characteristic laboratory frame correlation length $l$ is one
half of that distance.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\centerline{
\epsfig{figure=FIGURES/fig1y.ps,width=3cm}
\epsfig{figure=FIGURES/fig1a.ps,width=6cm}
\epsfig{figure=FIGURES/fig1b.ps,width=6cm}
}
\caption{
Two examples of diagrams
illustrating the space-time pattern of deep inelastic scattering.}
\label{fig:diagrams}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsection{Coordinate-space distribution functions}
\label{ssec:CSDF}
Especially when it comes to the discussion
of the relevant space-time scales which govern nuclear effects
in deep-inelastic scattering, it is instructive to look at quark and gluon
distribution functions in coordinate rather than in momentum space.
In this section we prepare the facts and return to the underlying
dynamics at a later stage.
It is useful to express coordinate-space distributions in terms of
a suitable dimensionless variable.
For this purpose let us introduce the
light-like vector $n^{\mu}$ with $n^2 = 0$ and $P\cdot n = P_0 - P_3$.
The hadronic tensor receives its dominant contributions
from the vicinity of the light cone, where
$y$ is approximately parallel to $n$. The dimensionless variable
$z = y \cdot P$ then plays the role of a coordinate conjugate to
Bjorken $x$. It is helpful to bear in mind that the value $z = 5$
corresponds to a light-cone distance
$y^+ = 2 z/M \approx 2$ fm in the laboratory frame or,
equivalently, to a longitudinal
distance $l \equiv y^+/2 \approx 1$ fm.
In accordance with the charge conjugation ($C$) properties of
momentum-space quark and gluon distributions, one defines
coordinate-space distributions by \cite{Braun:1995jq}:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:Coordinate_1}
{\cal Q}(z,Q^2) &\equiv& \int_0^1 {d}x
\, \left [q(x,Q^2) + \bar q(x,Q^2) \right]\,\sin (z \,x),
\\
\label{eq:Coordinate_2}
{\cal Q}_{v}(z,Q^2) &\equiv& \int_0^1 {d}x\,
\left[q(x,Q^2) - \bar q(x,Q^2) \right]\, \cos (z \,x),
\\
\label{eq:Coordinate_3}
{\cal G}(z,Q^2) &\equiv& \int_0^1 {d}x\,
x\,g(x,Q^2)\, \cos (z \,x),
\end{eqnarray}
where $q$, $\bar q$ and $g$ are the momentum-space quark, antiquark
and gluon distributions, respectively. Flavor indices
are suppressed here for simplicity.
At leading twist accuracy, the coordinate-space distributions
(\ref{eq:Coordinate_1}--\ref{eq:Coordinate_3})
are related to forward matrix elements of non-local QCD operators
on the light cone \cite{Collins:1982uw,Balitskii:1988/89}:
\begin{eqnarray}
\label{eq:Coord_Op_Q}
{\cal Q}(z,Q^2)
&=& \frac{1}{4 i P\cdot n} \,
\langle P| \overline \psi(y) \,
\Slash{n}
\Gamma(y) \,\psi(0)|P\rangle_{Q^2}
- (y \leftrightarrow -y),
\\
\label{eq:Coord_Op_Qv}
{\cal Q}_{v}(z,Q^2)
&=& \frac{1}{4 P\cdot n} \,
\langle P| \overline {\psi}(y) \,
\Slash{n}
\Gamma(y) \,\psi(0)
|P\rangle_{Q^2}
+ (y \leftrightarrow -y),
\\
\label{eq:Coord_Op_G}
{\cal G}(z,Q^2)
&=&
n^{\mu} n^{\nu}
\frac{1}{2 (P\cdot n)^2}
\langle P| G_{\mu\lambda}(y) \,\Gamma(y)\,
G^{\lambda}_{\,\,\nu}(0)|P\rangle_{Q^2}.
\end{eqnarray}
Here $\psi$ denotes the quark field and $G_{\mu\nu}$ the gluon
field strength tensor. The path-ordered exponential
\begin{equation}
\Gamma(y) = {\T P}\exp
\left[ ig\,y^{\mu} \int_0^1 {d} \lambda \,A_{\mu}(\lambda y)
\right] \, ,
\end{equation}
where $g$ denotes the strong coupling constant and $A^{\mu}$ the
gluon field, ensures gauge invariance of the parton distributions.
Note that an expansion of the right-hand side of
Eqs.(\ref{eq:Coordinate_1}--\ref{eq:Coordinate_3}) and
(\ref{eq:Coord_Op_Q}--\ref{eq:Coord_Op_G}) around $y = 0$
(and hence $z=y\cdot P=0$) leads
to the conventional operator product expansion for parton
distributions \cite{Roberts:1990ww,Muta:1987mz,Cheng:1984}.
The functions ${\cal Q}(z)$, ${\cal Q}_v(z)$ and ${\cal G}(z)$
describe the mobility of partons in coordinate space. Consider, for
example, the valence quark distribution ${\cal Q}_{v}(z)$.
The matrix element in (\ref{eq:Coord_Op_Qv}) has
an obvious physical interpretation: as illustrated in
Fig.\ref{fig:diagrams}a, it measures the overlap between
the nucleon ground state and a state in which one quark has been
displaced along the light cone from $0$ to $y$.
A different sequence is shown in Fig.\ref{fig:diagrams}b. There the
photon converts into a beam of partons which propagates along
the light cone and interacts with partons of the target nucleon,
probing primarily its sea quark and gluon content.
\subsection{Coordinate-space distributions of free nucleons
\label{section:CS-free-nucleon}}
In this section we discuss the properties of coordinate-space
distribution functions of free nucleons. Examples of the distributions
(\ref{eq:Coord_Op_Q}--\ref{eq:Coord_Op_G}) using
the CTEQ4L parametrization \cite{Lai:1997mg} of momentum-space quark
and gluon distributions taken at a momentum scale $Q^2 = 4$ GeV$^2$,
are shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:freenucleon}.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\hspace*{1cm}
\input{FIGURES/cdistr.PDFLIB.tex}
\caption{Coordinate-space quark and gluon distributions resulting
from the CTEQ4L parametrization of momentum-space distributions,
taken at a momentum transfer $Q^2 = 4$ GeV$^2$. A sum over the $u$
and $d$ quarks is implied in the
functions ${\cal Q}_v$ and ${\cal Q}$ \cite{Vanttinen:1998iz}.}
\label{fig:freenucleon}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
Some general features can be observed: the $C$-even quark distribution
${\cal Q}(z)$ rises at small
values of $z$, develops a plateau at $z \gsim 5$, and then exhibits a
slow rise at very large $z$.
At $z \lsim 5$, the gluon distribution
function $z \,{\cal G}(z)$ behaves similarly as
${\cal Q}(z)$. For $z \gsim 5$, $z \,{\cal G}(z)$ rises somewhat
faster than ${\cal Q}(z)$. The $C$-odd (or valence) quark distribution
${\cal Q}_v(z)$ starts with a finite value at small $z$, then begins to
fall at $z \simeq 3$ and vanishes at large $z$. Recall that in the
laboratory frame, the scale $z \simeq 5$ at which a significant change
in the behavior of coordinate-space distributions occurs, represents
a longitudinal distance comparable to the typical size of a nucleon.
\begin{figure}[b]
\bigskip
\hspace*{1cm}
\input{FIGURES/cF2.PDFLIB.sep.tex}
\caption{Contributions from different regions in $x$ to the ${\cal F}_2$
combination of coordinate-space quark and antiquark distributions
at $Q^2 = 4$ GeV$^2$ \cite{Vanttinen:1998iz}.
}
\bigskip
\label{fig:xregions}
\end{figure}
At $z < 5$ the coordinate-space distributions are determined by average
properties of the corresponding momentum-space distribution functions
as expressed by their first few moments
\cite{Mankiewicz:1996ep,Weigl:1996ii}. For example,
the derivative of the $C$-even quark distribution ${\cal Q}(z)$ taken
at $z = 0$ equals the fraction of the nucleon light-cone momentum
carried by quarks. The same is true for the gluon distribution
$z \,{\cal G}(z)$ (the momentum fractions carried by quarks and by
gluons are in fact approximately equal, a well-known experimental fact).
At $z > 10$ the coordinate-space distributions are determined by the
small-$x$ behavior of the corresponding momentum space distributions.
Assuming, for example, $q(x) \sim x^{\beta}$ for $x < 0.05$ implies
${\cal Q}(z) \sim z^{-\beta - 1}$ at $z > 10$. Similarly, the
small-$x$ behavior $g(x) \sim x^{\beta}$ leads to
$z \,{\cal G}(z) \sim z^{ - \beta - 1}$ at large $z$. For typical
values of $\beta$ as suggested by Regge phenomenology
\cite{Collins:1977jy}
one obtains ${\cal Q}_{v} \sim z^{-0.5}$ while ${\cal Q}(z)$ and
$z \,{\cal G}(z)$ become constant at very large $z$.
The fact that ${\cal Q}(z)$ and $z \,{\cal G}(z)$ extend over
large distances has a natural interpretation in the laboratory
frame. At correlation lengths $l$ much larger than the nucleon
size, both ${\cal Q}(z)$ and $z \,{\cal G}(z)$ reflect primarily
the partonic structure of the photon which
behaves like a high-energy beam of gluons and quark-antiquark
pairs incident on the nucleon.
For similar reasons,
the valence quark distribution ${\cal Q}_v(z)$ defined in
Eq.(\ref{eq:Coord_Op_Qv}) has a pronounced tail which extends
to distances beyond the nucleon radius.
An antiquark in the ``beam'' can annihilate with a valence
quark of the target nucleon, giving rise to long distance
contributions in ${\cal Q}_v$.
A detailed and
instructive discussion of this frequently ignored feature
can be found in Ref.\cite{Brodsky:1991gn}.
Finally we illustrate the relevance of large distances in deep-inelastic
scattering at small $x$. In
Fig.~\ref{fig:xregions} we show contributions to the
nucleon structure function $F_2$ in coordinate space,
\begin{equation}
{\cal F}_2 (z,Q^2)
= \int_0^1 \frac{d x}{x} \,F_{2}^{\T N}(x,Q^2) \sin(z \,x),
\end{equation}
which result from different windows of Bjorken $x$.
This confirms once more that contributions from large
distances $\sim 1/(Mx)$ dominate at small $x$.
\subsection{Coordinate-space distributions of nuclei}
\label{ssec:Co_spa_nuclei}
The implications for scattering from nuclear targets,
especially for coherence phenomena, are now obvious.
If one compares, in the laboratory frame,
the longitudinal correlation length $l$ from
Eq.(\ref{eq:l_z}) with the average nucleon-nucleon distance
in the nucleus, $d \simeq 2$ fm, one can clearly distinguish two
separate regions:
\begin{enumerate}
\item[(i)]
At small distances, $l < d$, the virtual photon scatters incoherently
from the individual hadronic constituents of the target nucleus.
Possible modifications of the coordinate distribution functions
(\ref{eq:Coordinate_1} -- \ref{eq:Coordinate_3})
in this region are
caused by bulk nuclear effects such as binding and Fermi motion.
\medskip
\item[(ii)]
At larger distances, $l > d$, it is likely that several nucleons
participate collectively in the interaction. Modifications of
the coordinate distribution functions
are now expected to
come from the coherent scattering on
at least two nucleons in the target.
Using $l \sim 1/(2 M x)$, this region corresponds to
$x \lsim 0.05$.
\end{enumerate}
This suggests that the nuclear modifications seen in coordinate-space
distributions will be quite different in the regions $l > 2$ fm and
$l < 2$ fm.
This is best demonstrated by studying
the ratios of nuclear and
nucleon coordinate space distribution functions:
\begin{eqnarray}
{\cal R}_{F_2}(z,Q^2) &=&
\frac{
\int_0^A \frac{d x}{x} \,F_{2}^{\T A}(x,Q^2) \sin(z \,x)
}
{\int_0^1 \frac{d x}{x} \,F_{2}^{\T N}(x,Q^2) \sin(z \,x)
}
=
\frac{\sum _f e_f^2 \,{\cal Q}^{\T A}_f(z,Q^2)}
{\sum _f e_f^2 \,{\cal Q}^{\T N}_f(z,Q^2)},
\\
{\cal R}_{v}(z,Q^2) &=&
\frac{{\cal Q}^{\T A}_{v}(z,Q^2)}
{{\cal Q}^{\T N}_{v}(z,Q^2)},
\\
{\cal R}_{\cal G}(z,Q^2) &=&
\frac{z {\cal G}^{\T A}(z,Q^2)}{z {\cal G}^{\T N}(z,Q^2)}.
\end{eqnarray}
The ratios ${\cal R}_{F_2}$ have been obtained
for different nuclei from an analysis of the measured momentum space
structure functions \cite{Hoyer:1996nr}.
Furthermore, the ratios of valence quark and gluon distributions
have been calculated in \cite{Vanttinen:1998iz}
as sine and cosine
Fourier transforms
(\ref{eq:Coordinate_1} -- \ref{eq:Coordinate_3})
of momentum space distribution functions which result from an
analysis of nuclear DIS and Drell-Yan data \cite{Eskola:1998iy}
(see also Section \ref{ssec:nuclear_parton_distr}).
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\hspace*{1cm}
\input{FIGURES/old.tex}
\caption{
The coordinate space ratio ${\cal R}_{F_2}$ at $Q^2 = 5$ GeV$^2$
for $^4$He, $^{12}$C, and $^{40}$Ca from Ref.\cite{Hoyer:1996nr}.
}
\label{fig:CS_F2}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
In Fig.\ref{fig:CS_F2} we show the ratio
${\cal R}_{F_2}$ for $Q^2 = 5$ GeV$^2$
taken from \cite{Hoyer:1996nr}. The most prominent feature is the pronounced
depletion of ${\cal R}_{F_2}$ at $l > 2$ fm
caused by nuclear shadowing.
At $l \lsim 1$ fm, nuclear modifications of ${\cal R}_{F_2}$
are small, and deep-inelastic scattering proceeds incoherently from the
hadronic constituents of the target nucleus. The intrinsic
structure of individual nucleons is evidently not much affected
by nuclear mean fields.
In momentum space, on the other hand, the pronounced nuclear dependence
of the structure function $F_{2}^{\T A}$ at $x>0.1$ evidently
results from a superposition of long and short distance
contributions as seen in Fig.\ref{fig:xregions}.
(For a detailed discussion see Ref.\cite{Hoyer:1996nr}.)
In Fig.\ref{fig:CS_CA}
we show the valence quark and gluon ratios
${\cal R}_v$ and ${\cal R}_{\cal G}$ for $^{40}$Ca
from Ref.\cite{Vanttinen:1998iz}.
They behave similarly as the structure function ratio
${\cal R}_{F_2}$, where the depletion of gluons at large
distances is most pronounced.
It is interesting to observe that in coordinate space,
shadowing sets in at approximately the same value of $l$ for all
sorts of partons. In momentum space, shadowing is found to start at
different values of $x$ for different distributions \cite{Eskola:1998iy}.
Finally note that the shadowing effect continues to increase
for distances larger than the nuclear diameter.
The results shown in Fig.\ref{fig:CS_CA} clearly emphasize
the important role of gluons in the shadowing process.
Of course the incident virtual photon does not directly
``see'' the gluons. In the primary step the photon
converts into a quark-antiquark pair.
At small Bjorken-$x$, the subsequent QCD evolution of this pair
rapidly induces a cascade of gluons.
This cascade propagates along the light cone over distances
which can exceed typical nuclear diameters by far:
the high energy, high $Q^2$ photon behaves in part like a gluon
beam which scatters coherently from the nucleus.
This offers interesting new physics. The detailed QCD
analysis of nuclear shadowing can in fact give information
on the ``cross section'' $\sigma_{g \T N}$ for gluons
incident on nucleons, and a simple eikonal estimate
using ${\cal R}_g$ at asymptotic distances $l$ suggests
that this $\sigma_{g \T N}$ is indeed large, comparable
to typical hadronic cross sections
(see also Refs.\cite{Frankfurt:1998ym,Alvero:1998bz}).
In summary, a coordinate space representation
which selects contributions from different longitudinal distances,
lucidly demonstrates that
nuclear effects of the structure function $F_2$
and parton distributions are by far
dominated by shadowing and have a surprisingly
simple geometric interpretation.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\hspace*{1cm}
\input{FIGURES/calcium.tex}
\caption{
Coordinate-space ratios at $Q^2 = 4$ GeV$^2$ for gluon
distributions, valence-quark distributions, and the $F_2$ structure
function in $^{40}$Ca \cite{Vanttinen:1998iz}.
}
\label{fig:CS_CA}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
\subsection{Deep-inelastic scattering in standard perturbation
theory}
\label{ssec:DIS_SPTH}
It is instructive to illustrate the previous results by
looking at the lab frame space-time pattern of the (virtual)
photon-nucleon interaction from the point of view of standard
time-ordered perturbation theory.
The two basic time orderings are shown in Figs.\ref{fig:tpth}a
and \ref{fig:tpth}b:
\begin{enumerate}
\item[(a)]
the photon hits a quark or antiquark in the
target which picks up the large energy and
momentum transfer;
\medskip
\item[(b)]
the photon converts into a quark-antiquark
pair which propagates and subsequently interacts with the target.
\end{enumerate}
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/spati_fin.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
The two possible time orderings for the interaction of a
(virtual) photon with a nucleon or nuclear target:
(a) the photon hits a quark in the target, (b)
the photon creates a $q \bar q$ pair that subsequently
interacts with the target.
}
\label{fig:tpth}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
For small Bjorken-$x$ the pair production process
(b) dominates the scattering amplitude, as already mentioned.
This can also be easily seen in time-ordered perturbation
theory as follows (see e.g. \cite{Bauer:1978iq} and references therein):
the amplitudes
${\cal{A}}_a$ and ${\cal A}_b$ of processes
(a) and (b) are roughly proportional to
the inverse of their corresponding energy
denominators $\Delta E_a$ and $\Delta
E_b$. For large energy transfers $\nu \gg
M$ one finds:
\begin{eqnarray}
\Delta E_a &=& E_a(t_2)-E_a(t_1) \approx
-\left<p_q^2\right>^{1/2}
+\frac{\left<p_q^2\right>+Q^2}{2\nu},
\label{eq:deltaEa}\\
\Delta E_b &=& E_b(t_2)-E_b(t_1)
\approx\frac{\mu^2+Q^2}{2\nu}\;,
\label{eq:deltaEb}
\end{eqnarray}
where $\left<p_q^2\right>^{1/2}$ is the
average quark momentum in a nucleon and
$\mu$ is the invariant mass of the
quark-antiquark pair. We then obtain for
the ratio of these amplitudes:
\begin{equation} \label{amplitudes}
\left|\frac{{\cal A}_a}{{\cal A}_b}\right|
\sim
\left|\frac{\Delta E_b}{\Delta E_a}\right|
\approx
\frac{M x}{\left<p_q^2\right>^{1/2}}
\left(1 + \frac{\mu^2}{Q^2}\right).
\end{equation}
When analyzing the spectral representation of the scattering
amplitude one observes that the bulk
contribution to process (b) results from those
hadronic components in the photon wave function which have
a squared mass $\mu^2 \sim Q^2$ (see Section \ref{subs:AJM}).
The ratio in Eq.(\ref{amplitudes}) is evidently small
for $x\ll 0.1$. Hence pair production,
Fig.\ref{fig:tpth}b,
is the leading lab frame process in the small-$x$ region.
On the other hand, at $x>0.1$, both mechanisms
(a) and (b) contribute.
\begin{figure}[t]
\bigskip
\begin{center}
\epsfig{file=FIGURES/coh_len.eps,height=60mm}
\end{center}
\caption[...]{
Deep-inelastic scattering at small $x\ll 1$ in the laboratory
frame proceeds via hadronic fluctuation present in the photon
wave function.
}
\label{fig:gN_Lab}
\bigskip
\end{figure}
In process (b) the photon couples to a quark pair
which can form a complex
(hadronic or quark-gluon) intermediate state and then scatters
from the target.
At small $x$ deep-inelastic scattering
can therefore be described in the laboratory frame in terms of
the interaction of quark-gluon components present in the wave
function of the virtual photon (Fig.\ref{fig:gN_Lab}).
The longitudinal propagation length $\lambda$ of a specific
photon-induced quark-gluon fluctuation with mass $\mu$ is given by
the inverse of the energy denominator (\ref{eq:deltaEb}):
\begin{equation}
\lambda \sim \frac{1}{\Delta E_b}
=
\frac{2\nu}{\mu^2+Q^2}
\stackrel{\mu^2\sim Q^2}{\relbar\joinrel\relbar\joinrel\longrightarrow}
\frac {1}{2 x M},
\label{eq:coherence}
\end{equation}
which coincides with the longitudinal correlation length $l$
of Eq.(\ref{eq:l_z}).
For $x<0.05$ the propagation length $\lambda$ exceeds
the average distance between nucleons in
nuclei, $\lambda > d \simeq 2\,\rm{fm}$.
For a nuclear target,
coherent multiple scattering of quark-gluon fluctuations of
the photon from several nucleons in the nucleus can then occur,
and this is clearly seen in the coordinate space analysis
discussed in the previous section.
For larger values of the Bjorken variable,
$x > 0.2$, the propagation length of
intermediate hadronic states is small,
$\lambda < d$. At the same time the process in
Fig.\ref{fig:tpth}a
becomes prominent, i.e.\ the virtual
photon is absorbed directly by a quark or
antiquark in the target.
Now the incoherent scattering from the hadronic
constituents of the nucleus dominates.
\subsection{Nuclear deep-inelastic scattering in the infinite
momentum frame}
\label{ssec:IMF_spati}
Let us finally view the deep-inelastic scattering process in the
so-called infinite momentum frame where the target momentum is large.
In this frame the standard parton model applies in which a snapshot of
the target at the short time scale of the
interaction reveals an ensemble of almost non-interacting partons,
i.e. quarks and gluons.
Consider the scattering from a nucleus which moves with large
longitudinal momentum
$P_{\T A} \approx A P_{\T N}\rightarrow \infty$, where
$P_{\T N}$ is the average longitudinal momentum of the bound nucleons
\cite{Nikolaev:1975vy,Close:1988xw,Kumano:1992ef}.
The average nucleon-nucleon distance in nuclei is now Lorentz contracted
as compared to the lab frame:
$d^{inf} \approx
d\,M_{\T A}/P_{\T A}\approx 2\,{\rm{fm}} \,M/P_{\T N}$.
On the other hand the delocalization of a parton with
longitudinal momentum fraction $x$ in the nucleon is given according
to the
Heisenberg uncertainty principle by $\delta l \approx 1/xP_{\T N}$.
At small Bjorken-$x$, $x < 1/d^{inf} P_{\T N} \approx 0.1$,
the wave functions of partons from different nucleons
have a chance to overlap, i.e.
$d^{inf} < \delta l$.
Therefore, at $x\ll 0.1$ we expect an enhanced interaction between
partons coming from different nucleons.
One can anticipate that, at $x\ll 0.1$, the parton delocalization
extends over the whole nucleus.
This is where the quark and gluon fluctuations of the
photon interact simultaneously with
the parton content of several nucleons.
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## Compromised
Compromised
KATE NOBLE
BERKLEY SENSATION, NEW YORK
THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP
Published by the Penguin Group
Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA
Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Penguin Group Ireland, 25 St. Stephen's Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.) Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi—110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, North Shore 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa
Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England
This book is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
Copyright © 2008 by Kate Noble
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights. Purchase only authorized editions.
BERKLEY SENSATION is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
The "B" design is a trademark belonging to Penguin Group (USA) Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Noble, Kate, 1978–
Compromised / Kate Noble.—1st ed.
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-1-1012-0777-2
1. Sisters—Fiction. 2. Stepmothers—Fiction. 3. Love-hate relationships—Fiction. 4. Aristocracy (Social class)—Fiction. 5. London (England)—Social life and customs—19th century—Fiction. I. Title.
PS3614.O246C66 2008
813'.6—dc22
2007044641
To my mother and sister,
the two smartest, strongest women I know.
## Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
Chapter Twenty-seven
Chapter Twenty-eight
Chapter Twenty-nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-one
Epilogue
## One
1829
THE grand townhouse on the corner had not been occupied in more than three years, its furniture covered in dust cloths, its servants a skeleton staff of retainers. But for the past two weeks, Number Seven Berkeley Square had been a beehive of activity. The head butler and housekeeper had been about hiring new parlor maids and footmen, scullery maids and porters. The Pickerings, who lived at Number Eight, learned from their valets and ladies' maids, who had heard from the cook, who had talked to the gardener, who had spoken to Number Seven's gardener, who had been informed by the head butler that Sir Geoffrey Alton and his family were to return from the Continent just in time for the Season. Naturally, the Pickerings spoke with the Garretts in Number Nine, who had heard the same information from their ladies' maids and valets, confirming this juicy tidbit.
Within the afternoon, all of Berkeley Square knew of Sir Geoffrey's impending arrival. Within three days, all of London Society knew. Almost everyone took the news with equanimity, and those that did not, did not know Sir Geoffrey and therefore could have no opinion. Those of the uninformed who inquired were quickly told the facts: Sir Geoffrey Alton was a very amiable man of middle age and held a moderate-sized estate in Surrey. He was well known to the king and had been sent on a number of diplomatic missions over the past several years. Through wit, talent, and determination, three colors that most London High Society eschewed, Sir Geoffrey had managed during the war with France to become an associate of the current prime minister the Duke of Wellington. Although his own background was somewhat lackluster (Sir Geoffrey was the third son of a country gentleman), his amiability and verve made him acceptable, his shrewd head for investments made him rich, and his marriage to a woman of a historical, if genteelly poor, family made him Ton. Nevermind that his wife's family never wholly approved of the match, for, even when he was knighted for services during the war, they considered Sir Geoffrey's money too new and his manners too modern for their traditional minds.
However, it was by all accounts a most happy marriage, as Sir Geoffrey had been devoted heart and soul to his wife, but was widowed a dozen years hence, left with two daughters. The eldest, my goodness she must be near twenty now, was reputed to be quite the beauty. Mothers with daughters bristled at this news, and mothers with sons perked up their ears. Beautiful daughters—however nouveau riche—had a pedigree all their own.
The occupants of Berkeley Square kept their eyes fixed on Number Seven from their front drawing rooms, and one morning—a Tuesday by most accounts, but some dissenting opinions swear it was a Thursday—their efforts were rewarded. A grand barouche pulled up to the front door of Number Seven, its lacquered finish and family crest shining in the sun. Several carriages followed, loaded down with luggage, all bearing the same signature crest. Only the Pickerings were able to make it out easily, reporting that the Alton family signature was very dignified, red lions crossed with blue banners. All watched as the coachman alighted, dusted himself off, and opened the carriage door. Sir Geoffrey emerged first, seemingly in good humor and none the worse for wear. Indeed, he looked in rather good form, a tall man with a straight back and a full head of dark hair verging on a distinguished gray. If his waist was thicker than when last seen, no one commented. Sir Geoffrey then turned and assisted, not two, but three females down from the barouche's height.
The residents of Berkeley Square strained their necks, trying to see if they counted correctly, and indeed they had, all excepting Miss Nesbitt, who later in the week purchased a new pair of spectacles. But try as they might, no one could make out the features of any of the ladies, for their traveling cloaks were heavy and they wore wide bonnets. All that could be said was two of the ladies were petite, and the third was nearly a whole head taller. In moments, the objects of so many eyes were inside Number Seven's white stone walls, and the carriages hurried round to the stable yard.
Speculation ran rife for two whole hours, until a scullery maid emerged from the side of Number Seven and was immediately pounced on by the servants of the other houses, sent out to await the news. When that news came back, the identity of the third woman was placed. She was not a cousin, a governess, or a spinster aunt as so many had guessed.
Sir Geoffrey, it seemed, had taken a wife.
"WELL! It's good to be back home, isn't it, girls?"
Sir Geoffrey faced the assembled staff, who stood rigidly at attention, as per the explicit orders of Morrison, the head butler. Sir Geoffrey, filled with ebullient joy from the moment he stepped onto English soil, was thrown into proper rapture at the sight of London, and his household staff were the first outside the carriage to be subjected to his delight.
"Morrison, old boy! How are you?" Sir Geoffrey exclaimed, pumping the old man's hand vigorously, much to Morrison's and the impressionable young staff 's surprise.
"I...we...bid you welcome back, sir," Morrison said, trying to recover his dignity and straighten his coat at the same time.
"Thank you, thank you...Mrs. Bibb! How'd you do? How are your sisters?" Sir Geoffrey cried out, spotting the housekeeper's soft, wide form. Dissatisfied with her curtsy, he picked her up, hugged her close, and spun her in a circle, Mrs. Bibb shrieking like a little girl.
Truthfully, Sir Geoffrey was generally an amiable man, but never so much as on the day he arrived home from his diplomatic tours. He enjoyed travel and the connections and influence his work afforded him, but nothing was so good as the sight of his cozy, four-story London townhouse, its eight bedchambers, two drawing rooms, two breakfast suites, two-story library, three formal receiving rooms, dining room, ballroom, music room, conservatory, and one tree, in the rear. His servants were used to his peculiarities. His new wife, perhaps, was not.
The sound of a dainty throat clearing brought Sir Geoffrey's attention to the ladies behind him. Setting down his housekeeper, he hastened over to take the hand of the petite woman with thick auburn hair and gray eyes that matched her lush velvet cloak.
"My dear, I apologize. Everyone," Sir Geoffrey announced to the assembled staff, "I should like to introduce my wife, Romilla, Lady Alton."
Romilla nodded regally, a slight smile playing on her cool, otherwise expressionless face. All of the servants took turns being introduced by Sir Geoffrey, giving their most impressive bows and deepest curtsies for their new mistress. Romilla could not help but be impressed by her newest residence and was quite pleased with the dignity and deportment of the staff. The deportment of her incorrigible new husband, however, was something she was resigned to work on.
"I'm very pleased to meet you all," Romilla said, her voice bell toned and clear. "Mrs. Bibb"—at the sound of her name the housekeeper stood straighter—"I have heard so much good of you. I'm afraid I haven't been in London in a great many years, and I will rely on your knowledge of the house to help me find my feet in running it." Mrs. Bibb curtsied deeply, and Romilla smiled with gracious condescension. 'Twas always important to have the housekeeper on one's side, and a few compliments as to that person's ability went a long way toward greasing the wheels. "For now, would you please have someone unload the trunks and take them to our rooms?" A snap from Morrison had the footmen bustling the luggage up the stairs. Pleased with this efficiency, she turned to one of the maids.
"I am desperate for a cup of tea. Could you please bring it to the drawing room? Girls, come with me." Romilla looked behind her and addressed her two daughters of six months. A radiant beauty and a hopeless bookworm. The beauty seemed too tired from travel to do much beyond nod mutely, but the bookworm spoke up. "Ma'am, I'll lead you to the drawing room—you don't yet know where it is."
"Nonsense!" cried Romilla. "Abigail, must I remind you of your manners? The lady of the house always takes the lead. And I told you, please call me Mother."
Once Romilla was a few feet away, Gail allowed herself an eye-roll before following.
Romilla tried four doors before she finally gave up. "Abigail," she sighed, "which way is the drawing room?"
FINDING the drawing room in perfect order, bookish Gail, lovely Evangeline, and Romilla divested themselves of their cloaks and bonnets and sat down to tea. This was a habit of Romilla's that baffled both the girls: Every day, no matter what anyone was doing, tea was served at half past ten in the morning. Most of society was not yet awake at half past ten, but since the "Reign of Romilla," everyone named Alton most certainly was.
Once, Gail had summoned the wherewithal to ask Romilla about her odd habit. Romilla had replied curtly, "I am up before dawn every day and breakfast shortly thereafter. By half past ten I am hungry." A look of concern crossed her face, as she added, "Abigail, dear, it is most rude to inquire as to one's gastric tendencies—please don't make a habit of it."
This made Gail think better of asking why Romilla didn't simply sleep in later. She'd hate to be accused of questioning someone's somniferous tendencies.
Not that Romilla could, or would sleep in. She was a doer. A General, waging battle to shape the world to her liking. And the hours of the day were meant to be used. An oddity in any family of means, but, Gail thought, she rarely had a claim to normalcy herself.
That morning, as they settled on the sofas, the girls found themselves reluctantly hungry, but Sir Geoffrey had to refuse. He had immediately met up with his steward and was locked in the library, discussing the Alton estate and interests. Without the buffer of their jovial father, both girls were left to the not so tender mercies of their stepmother.
"Well," Romilla said, looking about the room, "I see I shall have a great deal of work to do in here."
Evangeline and Gail looked around the front drawing room. They saw nothing at all unpleasant—comfortable walnut furniture and soft butter colored fabrics. Evangeline, wearily silent since arriving home, finally found her voice. "Do you find something not to your taste in this room, ma...Mother?" she ventured, her color perking up under the influence of tea and Cook's best scones.
Romilla smiled indulgently. "No, my dearest, the room is quite lovely, if a few years out of date. It is simply that you will be receiving your callers in this room, and we want you to be in the most inspiring atmosphere imaginable. This yellow wallpaper, I'm afraid, is not enough for a flower such as you. A dusty pink I think, or a pattern of blue to match your eyes."
Gail regarded her sister. Evangeline was indeed a radiant creature. She was small and lithe, with a halo of blonde hair that, when unbound, streamed down her back in thick waves. Her face was a perfect oval, with a porcelain complexion that pinked in only the most becoming blushes. Big blue eyes framed in thick blonde lashes completed the tableau. All in all, Evangeline was the portrait of English gentility, a woman exuding spirit and a tremble-lipped vulnerability that evoked the desire to protect and cherish from any man within sight of her. Gail had to admit that yellow was not Evangeline's color, but she thought it more than a little silly to change a room's decor to match the eyes of one of its occupants.
Evangeline apparently agreed. "But Mother, I doubt anyone who calls will even notice if my eyes match the room. I find the butter yellow rather comforting, and besides, the color is nicely becoming on Gail."
Gail blushed awkwardly at the compliment. Evangeline smiled and winked at her sister, which only caused Gail's blush to deepen.
Shrinking back farther into the cushions, Gail thought how lovely it would be to not have to have a Season this year—to simply read at home or go to the museums or the park and be launched on society next year—when she wouldn't be in the shadow of her divine sister.
Yet, how she would hate to go through the thing alone!
And because she had reached the advanced age of eighteen, there was no putting off the inevitable. True, Evangeline had managed to turn twenty before attending a formal season, but whenever Gail brought this point up, Romilla was adamant that Evangeline's advanced age was owing only to the fact that until this year, her options for marriage had been limited to foreign men, something society would surely understand. Gail's absence from the Season, however, they would not.
There was no getting out of it that way.
So she would have to flirt with gentlemen and make conversation with ladies. Gail honestly didn't know which would be more difficult. She had watched Evangeline blush and flutter with young men, and she knew she hadn't the ability. She was too direct to be coy with men, but also would have been hard-pressed to take part in speaking of current fashion and on-dits with ladies. It seemed the women of society in any country didn't realize there was an interesting world outside of their social circle. However, what truly baffled Gail, was that it seemed gentlemen of stature favored women with empty heads above those with useful ones. Surely she would never meet someone she liked enough, or who would like her enough, for marriage.
But that argument hadn't worked on Romilla, either.
Gail looked up and caught her stepmother regarding her intensely. Gail knew what Romilla thought of her less-impressive stepdaughter: pretty enough, with dark hair and the gold-flecked brown eyes of her father—her one good feature. But Gail was abominably tall, and she moved determinedly, as if always late for an appointment. She was often loaded down with books and could not be impressed upon to care about (or in fact, remember) the rules and dictates of society, much to her stepmother's constant exasperation. But it wasn't as if she meant to be rude or wry! Sometimes those things just popped out! And because Gail would not, or could not, mold herself into propriety, it was easiest to remain silent and let her sister shine. She knew Romilla was resolved that Evangeline should be the success of the Season. Meaning that no matter how well Gail looked in yellow, the decor of the drawing room had to go.
"No," Romilla replied, "the yellow simply must go. A robin's egg blue, I think. Now Evangeline, as early as possible tomorrow, we will go about outfitting you with a new wardrobe. The Season's about to begin, and you need to look your best."
"But, we just purchased new wardrobes in Lisbon."
Evangeline's protest, however, was smothered under the weight of her stepmother's insistence that foreign fashions would never do in London.
The girls resigned themselves to the conversation Romilla directed of how many flounces would be appropriate on a young lady of Evangeline's height, with whom Sir Geoffrey needed to renew his acquaintance, and what would spell the greatest success possible for Evangeline. Gail, knowing full well that this conversation would never miss her opinion, turned her gaze to the window, content to daydream.
Their home was in Mayfair, a pleasant, comfortable quarter of the city, with large houses on neatly kept squares. Sir Geoffrey had purchased Number Seven decades ago in something of a coup—a marquis had bankrupted his family coffers and had to sell off anything that wasn't entailed. Their father considered it an investment, but their mother, when they were in town, had considered it their home. Berkeley Square was a particularly fashionable address, although Gail had a suspicion that the astronomical prices of the homes drove the fashion more than the homes themselves did. Number Seven was situated on the southwest corner of the square, affording the front drawing room a panoramic view of their next-door neighbors and the park, defined by the cobblestone streets that lined it.
It was a bright, sunny spring day, with crocuses bursting forth from the well-manicured grounds—a day when people should be walking arm in arm and enjoying each other's company. But alas, it was not yet eleven in the morning, and most of the Ton were still consuming their breakfasts, if they were awake at all. And although the sunshine was calling to her, Gail only wanted to go back to her room and take a long nap. Sir Geoffrey had insisted on such an early start to the day that Gail felt like she had barely closed her eyes before she was roused again. She would enjoy the sunshine in the afternoon, she promised herself. If only Romilla would release her so she could get some rest!
Eyes turned to their neighbors to the north, Gail was happily composing a letter in her head, when she spied a twitching of the curtains from Number Eight's front windows. The curtains twitched again, and this time, Gail saw two sets of shining eyes peering in her direction. She leaned closer to the window trying to get a better view of who could be looking directly into their front drawing room, but could make out nothing more than two shadowy figures. She perched herself on the edge of the sofa, leaned closer and closer, and—
Whomp!
"Abigail, whatever are you doing? Get off the floor this instant!"
"Gail, are you all right?" Evangeline's sisterly hand helped her to her feet. Romilla looked disapprovingly at her clumsy stepdaughter, waiting for an explanation.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, er, Mother. It's the people next door in Number Eight..."
"The Pickerings?" Evangeline asked.
"Yes, the Pickerings, if they still live there."
"What about the Pickerings? And straighten your skirt. What if one of the servants should walk in? What would they think?" Romilla snapped.
"I imagine they would think I fell on the floor," Gail replied.
"Abigail," Romilla sighed, "why did you fall?"
"Well, it's just the people in Number Eight. I think they were spying on us from their front windows."
Romilla blinked once. Then twice. Then she burst out, exasperated, "Of course they were spying on us! This is London! It's what we do!"
## Two
FINALLY, finally, finally, Romilla noticed her stepdaughters were near to collapsing in their chairs and let the girls head upstairs to wash and rest. On the way to the large floating staircase in the middle of the front hall, Gail and Evangeline passed their father's library. Sir Geoffrey had dismissed his steward and was now speaking with his secretary (although who could tell, the two were practically interchangeable).
"No, no, no," the girls heard their father say. "I will be damned if I attend one of Mrs. Brenton's musicales. If they're the same as three years ago, they're a damned waste of time. I have no patience for such missish drivel, and neither do my daughters. I expect Romilla will want to choose from the other invitations on that day. Moving on to the twenty-sixth, I'll be in Parliament..."
As they passed the door, Gail caught a whiff of her father's cigar smoke, a scent that had seeped into everything that was Sir Geoffrey. Gail blinked back memories of being little and held by her father, inhaling deeply the sweet dark aroma that had settled into his shirts. Gail knew that long after her father was gone, the smell of cigars would stay in the leather of the library's books, the solid maple desk, the carpets, and the curtains. It was a thought that made her smile, albeit a bit sadly.
"Sounds as if Father will have no trouble falling back into London life," Evangeline remarked.
"He never has," Gail replied.
"Are you glad to be home?" Evangeline asked, taking her sister's arm affectionately.
"I'm glad that we are no longer on the road," Gail said, laughing. "But it is difficult to call London home. We've spent less time here than we have in other cities."
"Yes, but there we are the guests, the foreigners. There is something wholly relaxing about being a native."
"I suppose you are right on that score. No language barriers here," Gail mused.
"As if language was ever a barrier for you!" Evangeline laughed.
As the girls turned into the east wing, they were met by Mrs. Bibb, rushing down the hall with some mending in hand.
"Oh! Miss Evangeline, Miss Gail, you gave me such a start!" Mrs. Bibb proclaimed, hand to her breast. "But where are the two of you headin' now?"
"We are very tired, Mrs. Bibb. We are going to wash and rest for a few hours," Gail explained to the housekeeper.
"But, beggin' your pardons, dears, you're in the west wing, with the family rooms."
"Mrs. Bibb, are you certain? I'm quite sure our rooms were in the east wing, in the..." Gail's voice fell as she realized...
"The nursery, miss? La, you haven't been in this house since you were out of the schoolroom, have you? Your rooms used to be in the east wing, but now that you're not young girls anymore, you'll be in the west wing with your parents."
"Well." Evangeline cleared her throat. "Yes, I suppose that does make sense. Gail?"
Gail, a bit thrown by her own wrong presumption, recovered well enough to reply, "Yes, of course. How silly of me, Mrs. Bibb. Could you show us the way?"
More than happy to oblige the young ladies, Mrs. Bibb led Evangeline and Gail to a pair of rooms in the west wing, across the hall from each other.
"They're not connected?" Evangeline inquired.
"Well, miss, Lady Alton thought you would be wantin' your privacy," Mrs. Bibb mumbled as she twisted the mending garment in her hands.
"But we always..." Gail's voice drifted off sadly. She couldn't remember a time she and Evie had not been together. If they weren't sharing a room, they at least had a connecting door so they could talk at all hours of the night.
But apparently, not anymore.
"Think of it this way, my dears," Mrs. Bibb said, as she opened the door to the room on the left, ushering Evangeline inside, "you'll be right across the hall from each other, not six feet away. Also, Lady Alton said you could each do up your rooms in any way you please. Seein' as the front drawing room and a few other rooms are going to be done over as well, it'll be no bother to have some new wallpaper or cushions in here."
Evangeline's room indeed wanted refurbishment. It must have been ten years at least since the walls had been covered in a pattern that alternated pink roses with pink stripes, and the color had faded in time to take on a hint of dingy gray. The linens were freshly cleaned, but dulled by time and disuse. Mrs. Bibb then crossed the hall and opened the door to Gail's room, a mint green, which was equally in need of touching up. Still, Gail was a little peeved to have been so maneuvered.
"Why does she want to change everything?" she blurted to the faded walls.
"Oh now, Miss Gail, when a lady enters a house she intends to make her home, she needs to put her own stamp on it. That's all her ladyship is trying to do."
"But this is my mother's house," Gail replied, her voice cracking under its own exhaustion and despair.
Mrs. Bibb looked Gail up and down. "Now, dearie, I know it's hard, but a house is a thing—a pile of bricks, nothing more. The only thing left in this world your mother can still lay claim to is the two of you. And she had right proper young ladies, ones who can weather any change that comes their way. Am I right?"
Gail nodded grudgingly and turned to her sister. Evangeline smiled bravely, determinedly putting a bright face on the situation.
"At least you got the view of the garden," she said. "I look out on the road."
Gail went to her sister's window. "No, you have a view of the park, I look out onto our one tree behind the house."
"We can switch if you like—" but Gail interrupted her.
"We wouldn't want to deprive all your suitors of the opportunity to serenade you in the moonlight, or break their necks scaling the sheer face of the front of the house," she grinned impishly.
Gail took a deep breath and pushed her shoulders back. Crossing back to her own room's doorway, and smiling just as bravely at Evangeline, she said, "You know, my room could use some new colors. What do you think of a butter yellow?"
Evangeline smirked. "I think the color is quite becoming on you."
Mrs. Bibb sagged in relief. Gail walked through her door and watched Evangeline enter hers across the way.
"We're going to lie down for a spell, Mrs. Bibb," Evangeline told the housekeeper.
"Yes miss, never you worry. You two have yourselves a good rest."
"Thank you, Mrs. Bibb," the girls chorused, as they shut their doors.
"I'll have you up by half past two, because Lady Alton wants you both in the drawing room come three to discuss plans for your coming out ball," Mrs. Bibb said as she walked away.
As if on cue, two heads emerged from opposite sides of the hallway.
"What ball?"
"DO you have to snore through everything I say?"
The speaker kicked his subject a little less than gently with his heel, but all for naught. His faithful steed, Jupiter, who on any other day would have torn through Hyde Park like one of the mythical furies, simply would not move faster than a slug. Maximillian, Viscount Fontaine, and future Earl of Longsbowe, let out a frustrated roar, which of course did nothing to speed Jupiter's step. Max dismounted and thought to pull the bloody horse along, but quickly discarded the idea. Knowing Jupiter's disposition, which today was one step above that of a stubborn mule, he would simply dig in his hooves and stop moving altogether. So Max, bereft of other options, decided that this indeed was a lovely spot to stop for a rest and tethered the black beast to a nearby tree, where he could mope to his heart's content.
A few minutes later, a tall, well-dressed gentleman riding atop a lively bay mare came galloping up to Max and Jupiter.
"Fontaine, what happened? The first time in my life I beat you in a race, I turn around to see you're not running it." Mr. William Holt dismounted as he addressed his friend.
"Sorry I couldn't oblige your desire for a little sport, Holt, but Jupiter here had other plans." Max looked daggers at Jupiter, who solemnly munched on a patch of clover.
"He didn't wish to race?"
"That's putting it mildly. He flatly refused."
"But Jupiter's a flier, if I've ever seen one! Is he injured? Or ill?" Will inquired, looking anxiously at his best friend's mount.
Max snorted. "Hardly. Jupiter is simply lovesick. He fell madly for a mare at the stables where I was boarding him. But she was sold, and so he mopes. Won't gallop, barely walks, and refuses cubes of sugar. It's the damnedest thing I ever saw. I told him there are other females out there and that we'd find him a sweet-faced chestnut to moon over, but he refuses to listen."
"But, Jupiter's a gelding," Will said questioningly. "He can't—"
"Yes, yes." Max frowned. "But I fear this has less to do with physical functions and more to do with—as disgusted as it makes me—affection."
Will looked thoughtful. "Why don't you buy the mare from its new owners?"
Max sighed, running his fingers through his midnight-black hair. "I don't have the blunt for a new horse, you know that. Besides, it's no use. The stable master's son was the one who handled the sale. He's barely fifteen and as green as they come. Doesn't remember a thing about the man who purchased her, just that he paid cash and was a gentleman."
"Well, that's something! How many gentlemen do you know who actually pay their debts?" Will smiled good-naturedly.
Max harrumphed. Trust Will to see the hope in every situation, no matter how desperate, or in this case, how silly. He was one of those sunny people that never failed to brighten a room, could contribute intelligently to a conversation, and always seemed to enjoy himself.
It was highly annoying.
"Fontaine," Will said, "you're scowling. Don't be so bloody dour! This is not something that requires the patented Longsbowe black humor. It's springtime. No wonder Jupiter is in love. We all should be! 'Tis the season to appreciate lovely females of all species."
Max's eyebrow arched cynically. He knew his friend too well. "And have you chosen which fair young miss you plan on falling madly in love with this year?"
"Not yet," Will grinned, "but there is no lack of choice."
"For you perhaps. Sometimes I believe you are the far luckier to be born without a title or a father who demands heirs in a timely fashion."
Will's smile faded. "You received another letter?"
Max nodded. "You're surprised? He's sent them once a week since I went to school. Now the old codger insists I be married this year and start producing offspring by Christmas."
Will sighed. "Do you know," he drawled, "I do not envy the nobility. Now, now—I realize that as I am in trade, I am naturally beneath your set and therefore should fawn at your feet." Max shot Will a sardonic look, who blithely continued on. "But I cannot. You have marriage forced upon you to continue your line—and therefore find it revolting, putting it off as long as possible. And forget love! That should only complicate matters. I, on the other hand, am free to fall in love as I please, whether she be pauper or princess. I look forward to falling in love every day."
"And you do. Every day, with a new girl," which was a statement to which Will could only agree.
Max raked his fingers through his hair, frustrated, letting Will's speech roll over him.
"So, I'm hopeless."
"Now, I didn't say—"
"So I suppose I should have it over and done with," Max determined. He untethered Jupiter from the tree, giving gentle tugs on the line to lead the recalcitrant horse back to its lonely public stables.
"Marriage? You're joking." Will laughed, meeting Max and Jupiter's pace.
"No no! First my father, now you—I'm convinced. I should choose a wife—any relatively well-bred young lady would do," Max said, shrugging off his friend's disbelief and smothering a smile. "You should look into settling down as well."
"Me?" Will squeaked, turning paler than marble, much to Max's amusement.
"We are getting on in years, you know," he intoned seriously.
"We are eight and twenty, if we're a day, not exactly diseased and decrepit," Will argued. "You're funning me, I know it."
Max's eyes were suspiciously wide and innocent. "Not a minute ago, you accused me of being dour. How could I not be serious?"
"I know you, Fontaine," Will said triumphantly. "As long as your father keeps haranguing you, you'll keep defying him in the only ways you can. No chance you will ever consider marriage." And with that, Will blithely nudged his bay mare into a canter, moving in front of his friend.
Although Max acknowledged Will's statement as true, Max's face still darkened, his thoughts focused on his father's most recent, and most pressuring, letter. It was amazing how easily a man whom he hadn't seen in years still managed to prick at his temper. Annoyed, Max pulled a little harder on Jupiter's reins than necessary, and suddenly the horse ground to a halt. He pulled all the more fervently and was soon tugging with all his strength. With Will chortling from ahead, Max let out a frustrated yell, capturing the attention of no small number of other riders.
"I don't know which of you is the more stubborn," Will said, chuckling.
"He is!" Max barked, still pulling at Jupiter's reins. "He refuses to believe there is nothing so foolhardy as love!"
GIVEN Mrs. Bibb's informative parting words, rest was difficult to achieve for both Gail and Evangeline, but for entirely different reasons. Eventually, Gail was able to close her eyes and relax into the faded green counterpane, and when she and Evangeline emerged from their rooms at three, they were greeted by an enthusiastic Romilla, ready to tackle London society in earnest. She, and a bevy of footmen, had spent the last few hours productively. Romilla had sent notes to make appointments with modistes, milliners, jewelers, and old acquaintances. She, with Mrs. Bibb's assistance, had begun interviewing the downstairs maids, to discern which would be most suitable to be trained as a ladies' maid for Evangeline and Gail. She had also sent inquiries through Morrison to hire painters and handymen, to redo no less than five rooms that were not to her taste. When Romilla did something, she jumped in with both feet and did not look back.
So it was with her desire to throw a ball for Evangeline and Gail's coming out. It would have to be a grand crush, surely, and with Sir Geoffrey's political contacts, it could be the smash of the Season. She had already begun making lists of prospective dates and whom to invite and sketching cunning little invitation designs. The idea of having a ball thrown in her honor, to have to be the center of attention (along with her sister), made Gail rather queasy. Her own anxieties about being looked at all the time and having to be interesting and polite at a moment's notice overtook any joy she would have in the project. But as nervous as the ball made Gail, it made Evangeline positively giddy. She had, of course, been reticent to begin with, but as Romilla spoke at length about the flowers and the courses, and oh, the gowns! Evangeline's interest could not help but grow, and soon she found herself swept up in the excitement of it all. When Gail excused herself from the conversation, Evangeline was debating the merits of decorating the ballroom with very fashionable orange trees, while Romilla was extolling the virtues of lemon.
Whenever Gail found herself in a confused state of mind, she went to seek out the one person who in the past had been a comfort. Her father. Quietly crossing the main foyer, Gail knocked on the library door, and was bidden a gruff "Enter."
She poked her head in, again hit with a wave of cigar-scented air, mixed with a springtime breeze, courtesy of an open window. The smell brought an easy smile to Gail's face.
Sir Geoffrey stood at the window, cigar stub between his teeth. He turned to see his youngest child, and smiled.
"Ah my Gaily girl! Glad it's you! Shut the door, shut the door. If Romilla caught me with this"—he wagged the cigar—"she'd string me up by my cravat."
Gail narrowed her gaze as she approached her father. "Is that woman trying to make you stop?"
"Now Gail, don't start. She's being a wife, worrying about her husband and the like."
Gail was immediately contrite. "I know Papa, it's just..."
"What is it, my little girl? Whatever's bothering you, you can tell your old father."
"Well...I mean, she keeps calling me Abigail. No one calls me Abigail, why should she?"
"Now, now, that's simply her way. But I think it would take a lot more than that to get you to this state, so you'd best tell me so I can go about making it right."
"It's just that..." Gail picked at the sleeves of her gown. "Romilla sees Evie as a perfect young lady, and Evie is so excited about being in town and throwing parties. And, well, look at me. Everything I am needs improvement."
Sir Geoffrey wore a look of shock. "No! Never say so!" he said, gathering his girl into a bear hug. "There's nothing the matter with you, dear, and well served will be those who realize it. Romilla just wants us to have the best of everything. And I will admit, I have some regret that I dragged you girls about the Continent. Our travels may not have been the best home I could have given you. If we'd stayed in one place, you could have made more friends, maybe had a beau or two. Evie might've been married off by now!"
"I loved our life!" Gail protested, pulling out of her father's embrace.
"As did I! A new place every year! What did the French call it?"
"Une annee de nouvelle vie," Gail spoke with easy fluency.
"A year of new life, exactly. But, my Gaily girl, what I would have given to have taught you how to swim in the lake at our house in Surrey. And what would you have given to have had a full stable of horses—ones you raised from colts? Eh?"
Gail had to smile at that thought. What joy a stable full of horses would have brought when she was a headstrong ten-year-old intent on jumping every fence she could find!
Sir Geoffrey placed the stub of his cigar on the windowsill.
"Now buck up, my girl! London's ever so much fun! And this year, you get to enjoy it all."
At this, Gail went visibly green. "I'm not certain I'm as happy to attend the Season as Romilla and Evangeline are. I just wish to survive it."
But Sir Geoffrey simply waved this off. "Nonsense, just nerves, my dear. Now, I have a prospect to cheer you up."
Gail's face lit with curiosity. "What is it?"
Her father chuckled. "Patience, Gail, patience. You never could wait for your surprises. Be on the front steps tomorrow morning at seven o'clock."
"Seven o'clock? That's practically dawn! No one will be awake then." Except Romilla, Gail thought, but she fervently hoped her surprise would exclude her stepmother.
"Gaily girl, seven o'clock is the perfect time for some fun."
So, the next morning at exactly seven o'clock, Gail did exactly as she was told, and found herself on the front steps of Number Seven. She had been correct in her assessment that no other house would be awake at such an hour, as Berkeley Square was as quiet as a church on Saturday, and she did not notice any twitching of curtains from next door. Even her father did not await her on the steps. But Gail was most certainly not alone.
In front of the house was the most beautiful chestnut mare Gail had ever laid eyes on. She was roughly fifteen hands high, with white stockinged feet and a glossy brown coat that shone like sunbeams in the bright morning light.
A groom held her by the reins, and when Gail approached, he bowed and handed her a note in her father's familiar hand.
Gaily Girl,
I knew you'd be itching for some exercise, so I wrote ahead to my steward last week and had him pick out the most beautiful and spirited mount for you this Season. I think he made a wise decision. Her name is QueenBee, and she is yours. I thought you'd like some time to become acquainted before the rest of the world rides out for fashion, hence the early hour. (I thankfully remain abed, for who in their right mind would be awake at this time?)
So hurry up and get changed, my girl! I'll see you at tea—not before half past ten, please.
Love, Papa
"SHE'S really all mine?" Gail asked in a whisper, venturing a hand to stroke QueenBee's nose. She had never owned a horse before; their mounts were always let and sadly returned.
"Why, yes, miss," replied the befuddled groom. "Who else's could she be?" QueenBee nuzzled her hand, causing Gail to giggle through her awestruck adoration. So intent was she on QueenBee's shiny coat and steady gaze, she did not hear the groom's next question until he asked it a second time.
"Pardon me, miss, but will ye be wantin' to ride this mornin'?"
"What? Oh yes! I must change. Don't go anywhere, I'll be down in a trice!"
Gail ran up the steps into Number Seven, forgetting to even shut the door behind her. But it was of no consequence, as she was back down again faster than a jackrabbit, now wearing a deep green velvet riding habit and matching leather gloves. She carried an old, wide-brimmed leather hat in one hand, her riding crop in the other. Then, with childlike glee and perfect horsemanship, Gail was seated into QueenBee's ready saddle.
The groom could only gape. Gail grinned in delight, for never had a horse and rider taken so quickly to each other. They were five-minute friends, and already they moved and looked as one.
"Are you riding with me?" Gail asked the groom, who quickly shut his slackened jaw, and reached for his own mount nearby.
"ALL right, Jupiter, yesterday was unpleasant, but today we have the whole park to ourselves."
Max addressed his sulking horse as they entered the gates to the park, biting off a yawn. Here he was, up at an ungodly hour of the morning, after Holt dragged him to the Norrichs' card party last night, all because of his horse. His silly, lovesick horse.
Max had spoken to Mr. Wyatt, the stable master, and was told that, although Jupiter was in the best of health, he was uncommonly mournful. Wyatt thought Jupiter might pick up a bit if he were given free reign to run without large crowds about. Eager to get Jupiter out of his current disposition, Max found himself at the park hours before anyone else would think to be there.
It was a lovely morning—cool and crisp, the sharp sun melting the dew off the grass. It was a day to be outdoors, and Max almost felt sorry for those that weren't. Almost, for his head still ached a bit from partaking of the Norrichs' fine selection from their personal cellar.
Max shook the cobwebs from his brain, kicked his heels into Jupiter's flanks, and set forward at a brisk trot. Happily, Jupiter was improved this morning, and he took to the winding paths of Hyde Park with great aplomb.
"There. You see, Jupiter? Nothing in this world a good solitary ride can't make right."
Max was rather pleased with himself. Smiling, he and Jupiter reached an open field near a lake, and both horse and rider were more than ready for a full-out gallop. With another judicious kick, they set out across the expanse of green lawn, breathing in the beauty of the morning and the exhilaration of the ride. They were a magnificent pair, Max tall and strong, his body's rhythm flowing from horse to rider. Jupiter's midnight black hair matched that of his master, both shining in the sun from their exertions. After a good number of minutes, Max brought Jupiter to a trot again. Both horse and rider happier for their exercise, Max turned his mount to start across the lawn and toward the winding paths that led to the tall wrought iron gates of the park. He checked his pocket watch. It was a quarter to eight.
EVERYTHING was perfect. A beautiful morning, an empty park, and a wonderful horse that was all her own. As Gail wound through the wooded paths, QueenBee responded perfectly to her slightest touch. The groom was keeping a respectful distance, about twenty feet behind, giving Gail enough room to enjoy a sense of solitude. Jimmy's mount was older, slower, and so they walked at a meandering pace for several minutes before both Gail and QueenBee were itching for a good run.
"Jimmy, is there a field, or an open space nearby where we may gallop?"
"Well, er, yes, miss, right up here through these trees," the groom pointed. "But," he stuttered, "don't you want to wait a bit before gallopin'? Your horse being a new mount an' all?"
But Gail had already taken off in the direction Jimmy had indicated, leaving the befuddled groom and his lackadaisical mount in her dust.
She came up to the field, a great expanse of green about a mile square, sloping into a valley and edged by great maple trees on three sides, a lake on the other. Gail raised her hand to the brim of her weathered hat, shading her eyes. She beamed, taking in the view of the sun dappling on the water, and addressed her horse.
"Isn't it magnificent? Are you ready for a run?"
But QueenBee was not ready for a gallop. She had suddenly become very nervous, very skittish. For QueenBee had spotted something Gail had not. Across the field was a horse and rider, bearing down with all possible speed, and headed directly for them.
JUPITER whinnied, his upper lip curled back, and began to dance.
"What is it, now?" Max dropped his watch, trying to control his horse, but found himself barely able to keep his seat.
"Jupiter, calm down! Steady, boy! Steady...whoa!"
Jupiter took off at full gallop across the field. All Max could do was hold on for dear life. He tried to see what in God's name had spooked his horse, but the sun's reflection off the nearby lake blurred his vision. Suddenly, he saw her.
The young lady and her horse had just emerged from the clump of trees that shaded one of the park's many idyllic wooded paths. Her horse had seen Jupiter charging full speed ahead, but the lady had not. The lake to one side held her attention. Max pulled and pulled on Jupiter's reins, and Max thought he heard a snap. But Jupiter would not be deterred from his course, in fact, running all the faster. So Max did the only thing he could. He yelled.
"Move! Move out of the way!"
The girl started, and finally saw Max riding as if the devil was on his tail, not fifty feet away from her. A second passed, but then she flicked her reins and brought the mare around. She took off at a gallop, headed toward the water. Jupiter, the stubborn mule that he was, veered to follow the girl.
The white-footed mare was fast, but Jupiter was faster. He caught up with the girl too easily, and was soon keeping pace alongside them.
"Damn you, you stupid horse, stop!" Max yelled, but Jupiter had long since established that he wasn't listening.
"What's wrong with you, you idiot!" yelled the girl. "Pull up on the reins!"
Max, glowering, yelled back, "If you haven't noticed, I am pulling up on the reins!"
The girl looked over at Max with an expression of utter annoyance, as if he were a simpleton of the first order. Then she narrowed the space between them and reached out, grabbing the reins from Max's hands. Before he could protest, she followed the reins up to Jupiter's bridle, and pulled him toward her. Jupiter swung around to an abrupt halt, the girl's mare ground to a halt to avoid running into Jupiter, and both riders were thrown off their mounts.
Into each other.
And into the lake.
## Three
"JUST what in the hell did you think you were doing?"
Well, apparently he wasn't dead. Neither was she for that matter, but Gail was definitely bruised. When she had taken the black beauty's bridle and swung him about, his rider had been thrown into her, and he took her down in his path. To be fair, he had done his best to soften the blow, embracing her in his arms and twisting about so he cushioned her fall. They had landed in a tangled mass of arms and legs about three feet out into the lake, shallow enough so they wouldn't drown, but enough water to soften the landing. Slightly. If she stood, the lake would be about as high as her mid-calf.
But they weren't standing.
After a few heart-stopping moments below the surface, the man pulled his head out of the water and propped himself up on one elbow. The other arm was wrapped firmly around Gail's waist, and she lying most unladylike across his lap.
Gail had never been this close to a man before, at least not one that wasn't her father. She could feel the hard muscles of his legs against her hip, feel the ripples of his solid chest and stomach through their wet, clinging clothes. Needless to say, she was speechless.
He must have (rightly) assumed he had startled her into shock, for his next words were far gentler in tone.
"Miss, er, are you all right? Is anything broken?"
She snapped herself back to her senses. Goodness, they were entwined! This would never do.
"Release me, if you please."
She wiggled a bit, trying to escape his grasp. Unfortunately, such movement only pressed her against him in new ways, and seemed to make him acutely uncomfortable. His scowl returned in full force, but his hands didn't move from her posterior.
"Remove your hand from my backside and release me now! Are you deaf?"
Promptly, he removed the offending hand.
"If I weren't before, I may well be so now." He shook his head, shedding rivulets of water before they ran into his eyes and ears. "Now remove yourself from my lap, you hellion, unless you want me to take what you are so carelessly offering."
"Oh!" was the angry reply, as she scrambled to get away from this loathsome person.
The gentleman gained his feet, the water pouring off his shoulders and down his back, forcing his clothes to cling all the tighter to his muscular frame. Oh my, he is tall, Gail thought, watching as he stripped off his soaked riding coat, wringing it out of excess water. She did her best not to notice, but her eyes kept returning to the nearly transparent white shirt plastered to the grooves and plains of an impressively male torso. Why, if she looked hard enough, she could see short dark hairs beneath the shirt...
"Are you going to get up, you daft girl?" he said, slinging the sodden coat over his shoulder. Gail shook her head clear and struggled to push herself up, but the green velvet habit had become so heavy, it was if it had absorbed the entire lake.
"The skirt. The habit, it's too heavy when it's wet."
The man (for she refused to think of those that had to be prodded into helping a lady as a gentleman) rolled his eyes and took her hand, ruthlessly hauling her to her feet. This had the unfortunate side effect of throwing Gail against the object of so much of her attention, namely, his chest.
Pressed against the hard, warm body, Gail felt him steady her with his strong embrace. She looked up and met his eyes—green, deep emerald green, and for a moment she was his willing captive. Then she saw those eyes go wide with...something, and he abruptly shoved her away, as if she were on fire.
Well, really! Like she could possibly be on fire with her clothes wet and clinging. Luckily she didn't fall again. Not waiting for the lady to precede him, not offering her any further assistance, the madman turned and stomped toward shore, grumbling something inaudible, and likely impolite.
That does it, Gail thought, affronted by his unaccountably abrupt behavior toward her.
"What in the bloody blue blazes did you think you were doing on that field?" she exclaimed, following him up to dry land.
He turned, aggravation shining in his fiery green eyes.
"What did I think I was doing? What in the 'bloody blue blazes,' as you so quaintly put it, were you doing on that field? What on earth possessed you to reach for my horse?"
Gail sputtered, fury steeling her body for the fight.
"What on earth possessed you to charge at me like that? Are you mad?!"
"I assure you, Miss, any madness that had taken hold of me occurred after you threw me from my horse and into that damn muddy lake!"
"I know what I saw, you were running straight for me."
"Good God, but your arrogance wears on my last hung-over nerve," he vented, rubbing his eyes. "It's my horse that's mad, not I." He pointed to the field, where his horse stood docilely under a tree, nickering softly to QueenBee. Gail watched his jaw drop as the black beast that had not a moment ago charged across the field, nip playfully at the mare's ear, who neighed coyly in return.
"Your horse seems quite gentle, which is more than I can say for his rider," she said, sardonically.
"Don't try me, missy, I'm not as nice as I look," he said, his brows coming together in his most intimidating scowl. He loomed over her, something he did very well. She was a tall female, but he still had a good number of inches on her. He's trying to intimidate me, she thought snidely, demanding wordlessly that she apologize, submit, have sense enough to be a good, missish thing who cowed to his superiority.
But looking up into his face, that had rivulets of water dripping off of his nose and eyebrows two black wings of fury, Gail did the only thing she could. She laughed.
A peal of sparkling, beautiful laughter escaped her smile, taking all the wind out of his stance. For a moment, he could only blink.
"Listen, you...you..." he sputtered.
"You what? You've already used 'hellion,' 'daft girl,' and 'missy.' I can think of several, more interesting degradations, but then again, I'm not the one trying so hard to be intimidating."
"How about you maddening, foolish, moronic little chit?"
"Much better!" she applauded.
He took a deep breath. A very deep breath. "You grab the reins of an obviously frenzied horse and pull so violently that you throw both of us from our mounts. I could have been hurt or killed, my horse could have been hurt or killed."
"And what about poor little me?"
"You should be breathing a sigh of relief that I have not taken it upon myself to bring upon you what injuries you miraculously escaped in our flight into the freezing water! Now, what do you have to say for yourself?"
Gail took a moment just to stare at this man, righteous indignation radiating from his frame.
"Well? What do you have to say?"
"You're welcome," Gail replied pertly.
Really, she thought, he should close his mouth when astonished. Else he looks like a fish.
"You're welcome?" he repeated incredulously, once his jaw had regained function.
"Yes. You're welcome."
"Oh thank goodness, Miss! I was afraid you'd done yourself a harm. You are unhurt, aren't you, Miss?"
Amazing to fathom, but only a few minutes had passed since the madman and his horse had charged across the field. Jimmy had finally caught up to them, was just now dismounting and tying his mare to the tree by the other horses.
"Yes, Jimmy, I'm fine," she told the groom. "Just a bit damp is all."
Jimmy sighed in relief. "When I finally broke through the trees I couldn'a see you for a moment. Then I saw these two lovebirds by the lake and the two o' you in it. Thank goodness you're unharmed, Miss. Your father would have my head if you'd so much as sprained a finger."
"Her father should shackle her indoors until she learns some manners," the man said, but then something Jimmy said seemed to catch his attention. "Er, did you say lovebirds?" he inquired.
"Yes, sir. Your fella and her QueenBee. Anyone could see it from a mile away. They got an affection for each other."
He turned to Gail, a triumphant smirk on his face. "I told you my horse was a bit mad. Now, if Jupiter is in love with your QueenBee, is it?—it means she's the mare he mooned over at his stable yard. It also means that you purchased her quite recently. You've had that horse barely a week, am I right?"
"Actually, this was the first morning she had her, sir," Jimmy said, blithely unaware of his faux pas, giving his attention to QueenBee to make sure she had come out of the scuffle unharmed. Finding nary a hair out of place, the experienced groom moved on to the black beast next to her.
His green eyes glittered. "Your first day, eh? How bloody stupid do you have to be to try such a dangerous move as to grab my horse's bridle when your own mount is untried?" He ruthlessly advanced on his quarry, each step forcing her backward, into the water. "She could have thrown you without a care. Don't you know anything about horses?"
"Hang on a minute," said Jimmy, holding Jupiter's bridle, concern awash on his face. "This here bit is broken. Poor thing, musta hurt like hell."
Gail's own smile grew as the man's faltered. "You see, the bit of your horse's bridle broke in half. It probably hurt so severely, that every time you pulled up on the reins it only urged him into a deeper rage. I saw this and swung him around to a halt. Don't you know anything about horses?"
Gail was just shallow enough to take deep pleasure in seeing him and his argument deflate. His eyebrows came down into a scowl again. Obviously he was unable to even countenance that she could be in the right, and so he clung to his anger like, well, like his wet clothes were clinging to him.
"Wait a moment," he said, regarding her speculatively, "how can you see inside a horse's mouth?"
"I...uh..."
As Gail squeaked out vowel sounds, unable to come up with a reply, the man howled in triumph.
"You little liar! You had no idea what possessed my horse, did you? And yet you did something utterly foolish to stop him!"
"Well, I stopped him, didn't I? More than you managed to do." Indignant, Gail stood toe-to-toe with him.
His face softened as he reached out and tugged gently on a lock of her hair that had tumbled out of its coil. "You could have gotten us both killed."
Time stopped for a moment as she locked eyes with him. Then as his fingers wound around the errant lock of hair, Gail realized something was missing.
"Oh! My hat!" she exclaimed.
Gail turned back to the lake, scanning the shoreline for some glimpse of her brown leather hat. She finally found it settled amongst some reeds about ten feet away. Lifting up her weighted skirts, Gail marched over and picked it up. When she turned back, it was to find the madman regarding her peculiarly. His gaze raked up and down her body, and he looked to be enjoying the view. His regard rested the longest on her lower extremities, and Gail blushed furiously, realizing that when she picked up her skirts, her ankles had been exposed to his appreciative gaze.
Embarrassed beyond reckoning, she dropped her skirts and kept her eyes on the old, dearly loved hat in her hands, trying to poke it back into shape.
His attention followed hers.
"That's your hat?" he sputtered, incredulous.
Gail looked up. "Well, yes."
"Is it, er, ruined?" he ventured.
"No," Gail replied, "I think it will be fine."
Gail shook the hat up and down, ridding it of water and spraying everyone within a five-foot radius. Luckily, only the madman was within that radius. She then pushed her hair out of her eyes and placed the hat upon her head. She folded back the top brim, and raised her gaze to defiantly meet his.
He sniggered.
Soon that sniggering turned into a full-on attack of laughter.
Gail had the audacity to ask, "What's so funny?"
"You, miss," was the reply, "are utterly ridiculous."
Her cheeks flamed red, and she recoiled as if struck.
"Well, sir, at least I'm not the one walking my horse home!" she said, huffing. Straightening her back to the continual laughter, she marched to where Jimmy was holding QueenBee's reins. As gracefully as possible (a decided difficulty in a soaking wet habit), she mounted, turned, and said, "Good day, sir. I can't say it's been a pleasure."
And with that, she turned QueenBee about and nudged her into a gallop across the field, toward the path that led to the park's gates.
MAX was still laughing as he watched the retreating form of the impertinent girl, her back as straight as an arrow, her head never turning to look back. Jupiter, watched, too, but far more unhappily. Not wanting QueenBee to go, he tried to follow but he was tethered to a tree.
"So much for true love," Max remarked, between chuckles.
"I tied him up with a spare bit a' rope I had," Jimmy said, mounting his own horse. "You can use it to make a nice loose lead and walk the poor fella home. He'll probably need a few days mending time and a new bridle."
"Thank you, er..."
"Jimmy, sir."
"Thank you, Jimmy," Max said, and the groom tipped his hat to him, and sprinted off after his mistress.
It was only then that Max realized two things. First, that although he had had the manners to find out the groom's name, he and the girl had never exchanged theirs. More the better to never see each other again, he supposed. Still, she was an interesting creature—fire for eyes, and what a ridiculous hat! It was like something a farmer would wear, only worse.
No filter between her brain and her mouth, Max mused, rubbing the tension from the back of his neck. She was also either very brave, or very foolhardy, to pull that stunt on the horses. Likely both. And he certainly couldn't fault her ankles, or the way wet clothing stuck to her...A smile played around Max's mouth until he realized the second thing: The stable where he boarded Jupiter was nearly two miles away.
"Bloody hell," Max groaned. It was going to be a long, cold walk.
WHEN Gail traveled home that morning, she did not care one jot if any of their neighbors were awake and twitching back the curtains. The only thing she cared about was a good warm bath. That was, of course, until she heard the piece of news that greeted her the moment she opened the door.
Her debut ball was to be in three weeks. Invitations were already being printed.
## Four
A week had passed since that infamous morning, and the occupants of Number Seven Berkeley Square were in a flurry of activity, what with calls to be paid and dresses to be ordered and fitted. Menus had to be arranged, flowers purchased, musical groups auditioned and chosen (Romilla liked the classic quartet and would not hear of Gail's impish desire for a grand trumpet processional), silver to be polished, and the refurbishing of now seven rooms. Of course during all this, Sir Geoffrey had to keep up his political acquaintance and pay calls on the Home Office. Therefore, Gail and Evangeline often found themselves left to the devices of Romilla, who did not deem it advisable for young ladies not yet presented to the Ton to go out to the British Museum, or to the opera, or Astley's Amphitheatre, or any other amusement that might keep their minds from dwelling too long on the approaching festivities. Evangeline bore it admirably, as she was in fact looking forward to the event and tried to throw herself as much into the process of giving a party as Romilla would hand over. Only occasionally did her fears of failure overcome her, but Gail was always there to talk her out of her low spirits.
As for Gail, she was not faring quite as well. Her nerves at the prospect of a ball were becoming increasingly worse, manifesting in a bout of awkwardness that had not been seen since the heyday of her adolescent growth spurts. Already, she had accidentally knocked over two very expensive vases and tripped on the corner of a rug, oversetting a tea tray. But whenever such mishaps brought forth scowls from Romilla and sighs from the servants, Evangeline was there to make Gail laugh at herself again.
One thing Gail did have to aid in escape was QueenBee. Romilla was staunchly against her riding during the Ton's most fashionable hours, but Sir Geoffrey had intervened for his daughter's sake, and struck a compromise. She was permitted to ride in the very early mornings, before the Ton was out strutting on horseback. Gail reveled in this solitary time, taking all of her frustration and channeling it into a glorious gallop across open fields. She came home refreshed, calmer, and more prepared to face whatever the day or Romilla thrust upon her. Of course now, while riding, she kept her eye out for tall, impossibly arrogant men riding mad horses as if the devil himself were on their tail. Not that she expected to see him. It was only that if she did see him, she would know to politely avoid the area he was in. She was very happy to not see him ever again. Not that she thought about him. Ever.
As for Maximillian Fontaine, he refused to think of that impossibly irritating girl who threw him into a lake. Unless of course, he happened by a lake. Or someone impossibly irritating. After recounting the tale of his watery misadventures to Will Holt, painting himself as the wronged party of course, Max was laughed at by his best friend and told most seriously to remove the rigid wooden object that occupied his posterior.
Max continued to ride as well, once Jupiter had recovered from the effects of his broken bridle. He thought it would be tempting fate to ride in the park in early morning, so he settled for the sunset hours. When most people were sitting down to dine, Max was taking Jupiter through his paces in some secluded corner. Happily, the solitary rides were beneficial to Jupiter's temper as well as his own. In fact, since having been in the presence of his beloved QueenBee, Jupiter's moods were much improved, maybe because he thought he might happen upon her at any moment, even though Max was determined to avoid that at all costs. Even so, the horse and rider would fly through the park's deserted paths and fields (avoiding the area of a particular lake) until they were both breathing heavily and happier for the exercise.
One evening, after a good bout of sprinting, Max and Jupiter wandered at their leisure and found themselves on a before unknown bit of path. After twisting and turning through wooded areas, they came upon a beautiful, shaded grotto, with a newly installed gazebo in its center, in the popular ruined style. On that late spring day, the budding vines winding up the gazebo's stone columns were a light green, but the sunset made them glow as if on fire. Max found himself in awe of the dazzling slices of red mixed with gold and hazels cutting through the trees. The colors captivated him, the air itself seemed to stop. He could only hear the sounds of birds rustling and Jupiter shifting his weight, not the overbearing noise of London's streets. In that moment, Max felt as if he were the sole person on this earth.
All too soon, the light left the trees. He hated to leave the peaceful grotto, but once the sun had dipped below the horizon, the park quickly became very dark, and very cold. Wishing he had some breadcrumbs to place so he could find his way back to the serene spot, Max turned Jupiter about, and headed for home.
Having deposited his horse back at the corner stables, Max strolled the short distance back to his bachelor quarters. The air of peace the grotto had given him still surrounding his mind, Max hummed a bit of Beethoven as he walked up the front steps.
His lodgings were located on Weymouth Street, near Regent's Park and the grand winding avenue of the same name. It was not the most fashionable part of town, but for Max it was a haven for that very reason. His family connections and title allowed him to mingle freely in society—although he was never the star of any party, he was someone who could fill an empty seat well enough, and therefore did not lack invitations. His club was most agreeable to his membership, as long as his dues were paid. But when he came home at the end of the day, Max's rooms were a sanctuary. There were no mews, but the rent was agreeable. His apartments occupied the ground floor of a thin, three-story house—the second and third floors were let to a young musician with a taste for the pianoforte and an old scholar working on his thousand-page treatise, respectively. He had a parlor with his bedroom beyond, and a small room for Harris, his valet. But what drew Max home night after night was the cozy study full of wonderfully musty books, and best of all—no stamp of his father's rigidity anywhere. It was all he required. It was all his own.
He strolled through the door.
"Good evening, Harris."
"Good evening, sir."
"I'm afraid I'm running late tonight," Max said as he handed his hat and gloves to his valet, "I'm dining with Mr. Holt at the club, so please send for a hack directly."
Harris cleared his throat and moved to intercept his employer. Harris had been with Max as long as Max had been in London, even through those years where pay was equivalent to that day's meals. He was getting older, but for a man of certain years, Harris moved uncommonly quickly when necessary. He cut a surprised Max off at the mouth of the drawing room.
"Sir," he said, "a guest arrived while you were riding. I installed him in the study."
Max finally noticed the gravity on Harris's face. The man was usually quite serious, bordering on dour, but today he looked downright bereaved.
A weight settled onto Max's shoulders, all the joy from his beautiful ride draining away. Only one person could unsettle Harris. He knew who was behind those doors across the narrow foyer, but not what kind of aggravations awaited him.
"Well then," he said, trying to sound jovial for his valet's benefit. "Best to get it over with, eh?"
Harris nodded, and Max managed a weak smile. Pushing open the study doors, Max encountered the one man he had long sought to avoid.
"Close the door, you dratted fool! A sick old man cannot be subject to a breeze."
His father.
## Five
MAX closed the study doors behind him. His father was seated behind the large walnut table that served as a desk, which was normally covered six inches deep in various books, papers, and correspondence. Harris had obviously made quick work of cleaning it off before admitting the Earl, for it now shone with a polished brilliance. Max suddenly felt very much like a guest in his own home, and wondered where the study that he claimed as a refuge had gone.
"'Bout time you came back. I haven't the faintest idea what you think you're doing riding at such an hour. You haven't even changed your boots! Look at all the mud you are traipsing in, quite unseemly," said the Earl, not even bothering to rise.
Rising would have undone the image, thought Max, as he regarded his father. Oh yes, if he had risen to meet his son, it would have shown some consideration for Max as a beloved relative or at least as the master of this residence. Also, it would not do for a man who is supposed to be near his deathbed to stand upon someone's entry. That act of social nicety is reserved for the healthy.
Not that Max believed for a minute that his father was near death's door—that ruse no longer worked on him. But now, seeing him for the first time in years, Max did have to admit that his father was looking older. The hair that was once a thick, distinguished gray was now limp, white, and thinning. His color was pale, and the normally strong frame seemed to hunch under its age. Max took note of a gold-headed cane in the corner, one he could tell was not purely ornamental.
But the eyes—the green eyes that mirrored his own, were as sharp and as cold as ever.
"Forgive me, Father," Max said stiffly. "I was surprised—I should not have wanted to keep you waiting."
"'Course you didn't," his father retorted. "I heard you through the door. You came in to 'get it over with' as quickly as possible."
Max's face reddened dully.
"I wouldn't have heard you if you were living somewhere with thicker walls," his father said.
"Somewhere like Longsbowe House, I suppose?" Sarcasm dripped from every word.
"Longsbowe House in London is there for the purpose of it being used. Why you insist on wasting your money on this unfamiliar place is beyond me!"
"It's my money, Father, I'll spend it as I choose. Tell me, what brings you to London when you have claimed to be too ill to remove yourself from Sussex? When you haven't been to town in over fifteen years?"
His father stared him down, placing his palms upon the desk. "Serious business brings me to this godforsaken town," the Earl said. "Since you don't respond to my letters, I felt it necessary to come and say what I have to in person."
Max suddenly felt very tired. "I'm no longer in short pants, Father. I have done nothing that requires a scolding."
The Earl brushed that aside. "It is precisely what you have not done that causes me to travel all over the country to speak with you."
The Earl lifted himself out of the chair, but leaned on the desk for support. He motioned to Max to have a seat. Max obediently took one of the chairs across from the desk, ready, if not precisely willing, to hear the Earl out.
But his father's first words surprised him.
"You don't like me. I know that. I confess I do not understand most of what you do either. You refuse to live as a Longsbowe, instead spending your time and life in this"—he waved his hand around—"place. You went to Oxford and the Continent, have been raised as a gentleman, and even though you insist on working for a wage, I daresay you enjoy your gentlemanly pursuits. But you have yet to take any responsibility for your station. You have not come back to Longsbowe Park and taken up the running of the estates. You have not pursued any woman of Quality who would make a suitable Countess for our distinguished name. Well, I have known for quite some time you were useless, but I refuse to have a wastrel for a son."
Max looked heavenward. "I'm well aware of your opinion of me, Father—this did not warrant a personal visit."
"I'm dying, boy," the Earl proclaimed irritably. "I am not long for this world. I know that, too. But before I go, you will step up and accept everything that comes with your title. You may not live off the money I allow you, but you live off the name I gave you. It is time you grew up and earned it. If you don't marry before three months are out, I will strip you of it."
For many moments, Max could not speak.
He was shocked at his father's pronouncement. He'd heard most of it before, being called a good-for-nothing and being railed at to get married and live at Longsbowe Park. But, dying? Max's father had said he'd been dying for the past decade. But as Max looked over the Earl's frail body, it was the first time he'd believed it. He pushed those thoughts out of his head. He had to.
Never had the Earl issued an ultimatum before—and what an ultimatum it was! Max finally exhaled when he realized his father wasn't capable of what he threatened.
"You can't strip me of the title, Father. Or the money that comes with it when you die."
"Oh no, that's where you're wrong!" chortled the Earl, creaking his body back into the chair. "If you had studied the legalities of Longsbowe you would have realized it. Nearly half of the estates and all of the money I have came from your mother when we married. That part is not entailed to you. I could very easily will the blunt away to your Uncle Alfred. What you would be left with is half a dozen estates, including Longsbowe Park and House, with absolutely no money to keep them running. You would go under within a month."
"So...so what?" Max bluffed. "I'll just sell off whatever isn't entailed."
"And then do what?" His father chortled evilly. "A desperate seller never gets the price he wants. You'd likely not earn enough capital to support Longsbowe Park—and that's one you can't sell. Besides"—his father's green eyes softened marginally—"you have always seen Longsbowe on your horizon. Admit it."
Max faltered. Then, "What about the title? You cannot take that from me."
"No, but I can seriously decrease its value. All it takes is one little whisper in the right ear, and suddenly everyone doubts your paternity. It would be quite a headache. Relatives you didn't even know you had would be clamoring to take your place. Try selling an estate when people doubt it's yours.
"Add that to your sudden lack of funds, and you would never be invited to another card party again. Do you think they'd even let you through the door of White's? You would be kicked out of all good society without your coat!"
Max stared at his father, whose grin had taken on a cold, Machiavellian feel.
"You would paint yourself a cuckold, besmirch my mother's name? You would destroy everything the Longsbowe name has meant for centuries?" Max said, disbelieving.
"I'll be dead. It won't matter to me any longer. And if the name means nothing to you as you claim, then what I threaten holds no weight. But if you do aspire to be Longsbowe..." The old man shrugged a withered shoulder.
It was a new low. It was a desperate manipulation.
It was classic Father.
"I knew you despised me seeking any small form of independence, but I didn't know you hated me this much."
"You sit around here, dawdling with your books, waiting for me to die. You will for once heed my wishes before I go."
A great sigh left the Earl. Now that he had said his piece, he suddenly looked much older, as if he had been saving his strength for this, and now that it was done he could rest.
Max let out a cry—half laugh, half disbelief, and placed his head in his hands.
"You will be married, within three months' time, else I will do as I said," the Earl stated.
Max knew the Earl was serious. That he had never doubted.
## Six
ON the understanding that his future was decided and he had no choice but to comply with his father's wishes, Maximillian, Viscount Fontaine, future Earl of Longsbowe, resigned himself to the inevitable and followed in the tradition of all distinguished gentlemen who found their hands tied.
He got very drunk.
After his father had hobbled his way to the door (he really was getting on in years, Max realized) and taken his crested carriage back to Grosvenor Square and the austere mansion of Longsbowe House, Max pounded his way back to his study, slamming the door. Harris visibly jolted at the sound, but gathered himself and went to fix a tray.
In the study, Max went furiously about righting his desk. He found the cabinet where Harris had stored his papers and books that had once littered the desktop, and ruthlessly put them back in their haphazard arrangement. When everything was in as close to order as he could recall, Max went to the sidebar and opened the heavy decanter of brandy.
Hours later, that was exactly where Will found Max, by the sidebar, with the decanter in hand. However, it was now nearly empty, and Max was no longer standing.
"Fontaine, where have you been? You never showed for supper at the club, never sent a note! I went ahead to the Reginalds' only to find you hadn't deigned to show there either. I had to leave Mathilda Cunningham, the most bewitching redhead to debut this year," Will said.
Max was seated on the floor, his coat and cravat undone, his muddy riding boots still on, utter misery awash on his face.
"I've seen you in your cups before, but something tells me this is different." Will squatted down next to his friend, who wobbled his head up to look through blurry eyes at the intruder.
"What gave it away?" he slurred.
A wry smile mixed with the concern on Will's face. The blue eyes crinkled. "No one drinks alone except for the miserable, Fontaine."
"That's not true," Max said, sloshing his brandy as he gestured. "Drunkards drink alone."
"I don't fancy too many of them are blissfully happy, do you?"
"Nope, don't suppose they are," Max sighed.
"Come on, stand up." Will placed his hands under Max's arms and lifted him to his feet. As Max outweighed Will by two stone of height and muscle, he nearly dropped him, but managed to hold on. Max, however, was unable to hold on to the brandy decanter, and its remaining contents splashed to the carpet below.
"Oh dear, my brandy. I should go back down and pick it up," Max said, weaving.
"No!" Will exclaimed, tightening his grip on his friend's shoulders. "Forget the brandy, I think Harris left you a tray by the door. You need something of more substance."
Will sat Max on the comfortably worn couch in the library and fetched the tray. "See, there? A nice tea. We'll have you fixed up in no time."
But Max was not paying attention. "I ruined the carpet. I ruin everything."
Will stirred four spoonfuls of sugar into the now quite chilled tea. "That's the talk of a man feeling sorry for himself. And utter rot, at that."
Max's blurred vision found his friend's face. "Am I a bad person?" he asked, sincerity and sorrow ringing from his voice.
"Now that's utter rot," said Will, as he handed the tea to his friend and uncovered a tray of cold cheese and ham.
"He's right, you know," Max replied mournfully. "I don't do anything. I ride my horse, I go to parties, and I play cards. But what good is that? I don't run the estates, I don't care to. I am worthless."
"You are not worthless. So you attend parties and live in society. Surprisingly, most of our acquaintances do as well."
"That's not the whole of their lives. They do other things. You do."
"Yes, but not everyone is like me. I have to be in trade. It's just happy luck that I have a taste for it. Besides, you have your translation work."
"Not enough money in it. And he knows it."
"Now I understand what has gotten you into this state. Your father send you another letter, did he?" Will said, setting the tray of food in front of Max.
Max shook his head. "He came."
The knife Will was holding clattered to the plate, but his face remained impassive, his jaw set. "He came? Here? Your father?"
"Yes, yes, and yes, my good man." Max absently picked up a piece of meat and placed it down again. He was in no mood for food. All he desired was another drink.
"What the devil did he say to you?"
Max took a deep breath. "Among other things, that I must reform my way of life."
"There is nothing wrong with your life." Will sighed. "For some reason your father thinks you are a wastrel of the worst reputation, who gambles and drinks himself into oblivion. I happen to know you enjoy a very average reputation, don't gamble more than a penny a point, and as for the drinking, well, not including tonight...In truth, I don't really know why he's always been so angry with you, and vice versa."
"We...just never got on," Max muttered, staring coldly into his teacup. And indeed, after Max had turned ten years old, this had been true. They had always argued. At Longsbowe Park, the Earl always tried to bind Max too tight. And as Max got older, the arguments broadened in topic and purpose.
The Earl never consented to see the future as any more than the next day. Whereas Max, stuck in a relic surrounded by relics and drilled in the ways of the past, craved his own life. So they'd fought. Sometimes it's the littlest thing that can fracture a bond. The weight of one grievance piled on top of the last.
The fact was, the world moved forward, and Max's father could never forgive his son for moving with it. And Max could never forgive the old man for so resolutely standing still.
"Am I..." Max coughed, nervously started again. "Am I simply waiting for him to die?"
Will sucked in his breath. "No," he finally replied. "Don't even think it."
"He says I must get married in three months' time, else I will be cut out of my inheritance and he'll declare to the world I'm a bastard," Max stated.
Will just stared at Max, unable to comprehend.
"Bloody hell," Will managed to breathe out. "Where did you put that brandy?"
Some time later, after a great many half-started but never finished questions, Will finally put together a coherent sentence, and posed it to Max.
"It seems rather prophetic. We were just joking about this the other day."
"I know. Fate has annoying timing," Max answered, sobering up a bit. "It's easy to joke about taking a wife. To actually have to do it is an entirely different thing altogether."
"And not on your own terms," Will finished for him.
"Yes, quite," Max reasoned.
"You could always say that you don't care about the stupid inheritance," Will mused. "He'll never do it. He can see you've lived without the money and don't need it."
Max looked at Will with a certain degree of cynicism.
"Yes, he will. I know my father. His skills at manipulation are ruthless and unsurpassed." Then Max's face softened, sarcasm giving way to worry. A brief thought flitted across his mind. What is the old man afraid of? That I'll disappoint him in this, too?
He let that question go with a shake of his head, saying to his friend, "There's a decided difference between being cut off and being disinherited. I may not use his money, Holt, but the old man is right. I enjoy the life I lead partially because of the prospect of it. He takes that away, and he takes away my good name..." Max leaned his head against the paneling of his study wall. "I am no good at being anything but a gentleman. The truth of the matter is, I like it. I think about all the things I could do with the title—modernize Longsbowe Park, for once make a decent turn over on the crops, I could still dally with my work even..." Max looked thoughtful for a moment, and then, "He's probably right, you know."
Will glanced at Max. "Your father? How?"
"Maybe it is time to grow up. I've been avoiding stepping into his shoes for so long, I—"
"Never really found your own place?"
Max nodded silently. "Now I have to find a wife."
"Well then," Will replied, lifting his own cup of chilled tea. "A toast. To your future wife. Whoever she may be."
"To my bride." Max drained the remains of the too-sweet, too-cold tea. The taste had him grimacing.
To his bride. The search would begin in the morning.
## Seven
THE ball was a smashing success. Romilla could not be happier. Well, she could be, she supposed, if she had been able to secure a royal or two as guests, but her husband assured her that the court was far too busy while removed in Brighton to attend. They would have to content themselves with ordinary aristocrats. But other than that, Romilla was a very pleased hostess.
As she looked out across the ballroom, which was teeming with colored silks and black evening coats lit by a thousand crystalline candles, Romilla took a great sigh of relief. All of her guests were enthusiastic and happy, all of the best character. The musicians kept the dancing going, and she was certain no other hostess this Season would be able to boast of such a fine punch—from her mother's own recipe. And if a whisper of the words nouveau riche floated through the air, Romilla was content to ignore those snobbish remarks in favor of seeing the better side of the snobbish guests who said them. After all, a person is only looked down upon until they are looked up to. And everyone had to admire the Alton ball—whether they wanted to or not.
All might not have turned out so well, Romilla thought. There had been a potential disaster just that morning while calling on Lady Charlbury, when Gail accidentally spilled tea on that lady's favorite cat. Gail had apologized quite sincerely, but Lady Charlbury almost refused to attend the ball, and without her attendance, half of London would have considered the event not worth the effort. Lady Charlbury managed to be reclusive and yet quite ruled society in a way Romilla aspired to.
Luckily, Lady Charlbury accepted Gail's apology. Romilla grudgingly gave the girl some respect for the way she handled the old woman. Gail had simply picked up the teapot while the cat and its owner were making a mewling fuss, and said, "I'm so sorry ma'am. At least now your cat won't try to take tea with you again. Perhaps he'll just settle for the cream."
Lady Charlbury had blinked at the audacious girl. Romilla was afraid she had made the situation all the worse, but suddenly Lady Charlbury started to chuckle.
"Why young lady, I never looked at it that way! I've been trying to break him of the habit for years!"
"Did you know," said Gail, sitting beside Lady Charlbury, "that some ancient cultures revered cats as equal to humans? Sometimes gods? I daresay they would have been honored to have had wise old Tom for tea."
And from that point on, Lady Charlbury and Gail spent the morning thick as thieves, discussing cats throughout history. When Romilla and Gail were taking their leave, Lady Charlbury made a point of saying she was eagerly anticipating that evening's ball. Once the door to the carriage had closed, Romilla made certain she paid the child a compliment.
"My dear, that was a very successful morning. I was impressed with your poise. I do hope it won't escape you by nightfall. And for once your penchant for useless knowledge has come in handy!"
Gail and Evangeline shared a glance.
"Father always told us that everyone has their own special interests. To carry on a conversation all one needs to do is to find it," Evangeline replied, smiling at her sister.
"How did you know her interest was her cats?" Romilla inquired.
"Well," Gail drawled, "she does have six of them."
"Ah. Now Gail," Romilla said, as she settled herself against the cushions of the carriage seat, closing her eyes, "if only you could speak as well to men or people your own age. And mind you, most of them don't care at all for young ladies who read overmuch. Lady Charlbury is an oddity, and charming old ladies are not what will get you married."
Gail looked down at her lap and twisted her fingers about nervously. "I know," she whispered.
Evangeline took hold of her sister's hand. "Gail, I didn't know that cats were sometimes considered gods. Was that in India?"
"Egypt. The Hindu in India revere cows," Gail answered.
"Cows?" Romilla opened an eye. "I wonder if they eat a great deal of beef?"
NOW that she had a moment to reflect, Romilla thought Gail was doing remarkably well at the ball that evening. Although she was not continually dancing, she had not tripped on or spilled anything; and she had not once said some wholly inappropriate remark that revealed her unusual upbringing. She even looked remarkably well in a gown of pale yellow silk. Romilla had even seen one gangly young gentleman eagerly fetch Gail a glass of punch. But nothing could compare to Evangeline's success.
Radiant in a deceptively simple ivory silk and lace gown, Evangeline was completely surrounded by every eligible bachelor in attendance. From her position at the front of the ballroom, Romilla could see her beautiful stepdaughter quite clearly, and was immensely pleased.
Evangeline's incomparable beauty, matched with her genuinely sweet and open personality, was a heady combination. Romilla had made certain that she was taken around to every society matron and made proper introductions. Aside from Lady Charlbury, who had already been introduced and so took the time to ask pointedly after Gail, every single one of the old biddies was absolutely charmed by Evangeline. After that, she was given carte blanche to be introduced to and dance with any man in attendance.
Needless to say, all of the gentlemen present were quite eager to make her acquaintance.
Romilla took her feathered fan and lightly tapped her husband on the arm.
"Well, my dear," he said, offering his arm, "you seem to have pulled off the coup of the Season. I congratulate you."
Romilla gave him a pretty smile. "Thank you, my husband. But I will give credit where it's due. A great many of your political acquaintances are here tonight, and they lend a certain sparkle to the event."
Sir Geoffrey grinned. "You and my daughters are all the sparkle I'll ever need," he said in hushed tones, causing a warm blush to flow over Romilla's cheeks.
"I see Evangeline is making quite a few friends," Sir Geoffrey remarked, turning his eyes back to the ballroom floor, nodding to a few parliamentary types as he did.
"She will make a great match," Romilla whispered fervently, as if saying it enough would make it true.
"But where has Gail gotten off to?" Sir Geoffrey scanned the crowd. "Oh there she is, I see her. She is talking to young Ommersley."
A sense of dread overcame Romilla. She turned and saw Gail on the far side of the ballroom, lecturing to the painfully thin young man with more Adam's apple than head. "Ommersley? Who lives at Number Twenty? His family's name is older than Moses! God spare us if she is speaking nonsense about ancient cultures or industrial technology or Wollstonecraft. His mother will make certain we're never received in any house on the Square."
Sir Geoffrey looked at his youngest daughter, took in her rapid speech, her companion's rapt expression, and chuckled. "I doubt he's even listening, my dear. Now come. We have greeted all our guests, the punch is absolutely delicious, and the musicians are playing a waltz. I request a dance with the best hostess in London."
Romilla gave one last worried glance toward Gail and relaxed against her husband's arm as he led her to the floor. Sometimes, she thought, as he spun her out with the other couples, she was so very happy to have married him.
SIR Geoffrey was mistaken in one of his declarations. The host and hostess had not yet greeted all their guests, because a few were very late to arrive. Two, in fact.
Wearing his finest black evening dress, his dark hair ruthlessly pushed back from his face, Max's hawk-like gaze scanned the throng that crowded the ballroom floor of Number Seven Berkeley Square.
"How are we acquainted with the host this time?" Max said, his green eyes continuing to scan the crowd.
"We met Sir Geoffrey in Vienna on our tour of the Continent, remember? He was attached to the British Consul's office," Will answered from beside Max, quite dashing in his own evening kit. "I received the invitation a few weeks ago, but not until your bride hunt began did I decide to attend."
Max's gaze narrowed. The "bride hunt," as Will so aptly called it, had consumed the majority of Max's time since it began in earnest more than two weeks ago. He had always been a mildly social creature, but since his father had issued the ultimatum, Max had been to more balls, musicales, afternoon teas, public assemblies at Almack's, and theater performances than he cared to count. He had met numerous young ladies, some fresh out of the schoolroom, some in their second or third Seasons, some decidedly upon the shelf. They were variously short, tall, plump, thin, dark, fair, pleasant, pretty, plain, intelligent, and insipid. Max had been courteous to all of the above, happily flirting with the mamas as much as the daughters, working his way into the good graces of every eligible female in London. Suffice it to say, Max had found every single one of the girls he met lacking. He was fast growing weary of the hunt.
"I am fast growing weary of this hunt," he remarked.
Will rolled his eyes. "You are the one who has rejected every eligible young lady out of hand! What was wrong with Miss Plimpton, dare I ask? I thought her remarkably good natured."
Max shot his friend a hard look. "She had a gap between her two front teeth, and when she spoke there was whistling."
"Well, then of course she is beneath your notice," Will replied sarcastically. "Sir Geoffrey has two daughters, if I recall. Do let me know if either of them has a nose that doesn't meet with your approval? Or chews her food too many times before swallowing?"
Max smirked. "Have you made the acquaintance of Sir Geoffrey's daughters?"
Will shook his head. "When we were in Vienna, they were still in the schoolroom. And uh, I was otherwise occupied in Vienna, if you recall."
"Oh, yes. Otherwise occupied. That's a new term for it."
Will shot him a look, but Max just squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. "The misses Alton must be the only two young ladies in London we haven't met."
"Shall we seek them out, then? Who knows, you could fall madly in love with one."
Max gave his friend a very cynical glare. "God help me if I do. Love doesn't come into this bride hunt, Will. Come on, let's find our hosts and get this over with."
Max headed into the maddening crowd of Society's beautiful people, with a smirking Will close at his heels.
GAIL stood on the far side of the ballroom, close to the balcony doors, quite happily unaware of the latest arrivals to her and Evangeline's debut ball. She had been so nervous before, but now Gail was quite certain she'd never been in such a good mood in her life.
It was working! Evangeline had given her explicit instructions before the ball began.
"Gail, darling," she had said as Polly, the newly promoted ladies' maid, worked a seed pearl into her elegant coiffure, "I want you to try an experiment tonight. I want you to try conversing with a gentleman for more than two minutes."
"But—" Gail had started to say, but Evangeline cut her off with a wave of her hand.
"Give him your full attention for more than two minutes, and any gentleman will become taken with you, I promise."
And now, Gail stood with young Lord Ommersley, cheerfully lecturing him on the presumptiveness of Lord Elgin, who had retrieved the friezes from right off the side of Greece's Parthenon.
"And did he not realize that he is contributing to the global impression that England is nothing more than a conquering giant, pillaging every country we choose? Those marble friezes belong in Athens, they are part of their history! And if—"
"Miss Alton!" Lord Ommersley interrupted, his Adam's apple bobbing on every cracking syllable. "I wonder, would you care to step out onto the balcony?"
Gail furrowed her brow. "The balcony? Why?"
Ommersley immediately backtracked. "Or, perhaps, a, er, a dance?"
"Dance? Oh, well, thank you, Lord Ommersley, but I'm afraid I don't dance well. I mean, I danced the first few because it would be unseemly of me not to, this being a ball for Evie and me, but I am not very—"
"Well," he interrupted, completely unfazed, "perhaps I can fetch you another glass of punch. After, maybe I can convince you otherwise."
Gail glanced down at her cut glass cup and saw that it was drained to the very bottom. How on earth had that happened? she thought with a small frown. The punch was especially delicious tonight, but this was the third glass Ommersely had brought for her. Or was it the fourth? She shrugged.
Gail gave Ommersley a brilliant smile and handed him her cup. "Thank you ever so much. Another glass would be delightful."
MAX and Will located their hosts, quickly introducing themselves. Lady Alton was most pleased to have a guest with a name as old as Longsbowe. Sir Geoffrey was quite jovial in his greeting, shaking hands with both and, with a politician's knack for names and faces, took care to remember Will and Max from their travels.
"Vienna, wasn't it?" Sir Geoffrey voiced, smiling good-naturedly. "As I recall, Mr. Holt was particularly enamored of their opera house."
"I doubt it was the opera house, per se," Max drawled. "More likely a certain dan—"
Will interrupted his smirking friend quickly. "Sir Geoffrey, how are your lovely daughters? We must beg an introduction, the ball being in their honor, after all."
"I believe they are on the ballroom floor at the moment. At least, Evangeline is," Romilla answered, her discerning gaze entirely focused on Viscount Fontaine. "If you like, have a glass of punch, it is particularly excellent. This set will conclude shortly, I will be happy to introduce you after. And you as well, Mr. Holt."
Both gentlemen bowed in acquiescence.
"Well," remarked Will, as they found their way to the refreshments table. "We have no doubt that you have the mother's blessing."
"Stepmother," Max grumbled. He reached for the ladle from the punch bowl, but a long narrow hand had reached it first. Max watched as the tall, painfully thin young gentleman filled a glass halfway with the red punch. Replacing the ladle, the young man placed the cup on the table, and then, by means of some container concealed up his sleeve, poured a clear liquid into the cup, diluting the punch until it was a light pink. He looked around nonchalantly as he did so, only blushing when he saw Max watching him openly. As no one else seemed to have noted the oddity of his behavior (or the oddity of what was hiding in his sleeve), the tall young gentleman gave a wry smirk.
"Some girls need a little encouragement to, ah, enjoy the festivities," he said, placing his hand in his breast pocket, and transferring his sleeve's occupant there, while giving Max an easy wink, his sandy hair falling limply over his brow.
Watching the prankster make his way through the crowd, Will inquired, "What was that about?"
"I believe he's trying to improve his odds with a particular young lady."
"He spiked the punch?" Will asked.
"Quite." Max took a sip from his own glass. Lady Alton had been correct; it was very good—in its undiluted state.
"Fontaine," Will said, eyeing his friend.
"Holt," Max replied, taking the same innocent tone.
"You're not going to let him take advantage of some unfortunate girl who has had her wits tampered with?"
"What would you have me do, William? Charge in with my sword drawn and save the day?" Max quipped, quirking an eyebrow.
"Precisely."
"Did I hit you too hard round the head at Gentleman Jackson's today? I am going to wait right here, be introduced to our newest debutantes, dance one dance, and leave. You go save the unknown young lady from the perils of drink, if you feel it necessary."
"Well, I could do that," Will reasoned, his gaze leveled over Max's right shoulder. "But, I am going to do you a fantastic favor and head off Mrs. Plimpton and her whistle-toothed daughter."
Max turned and glanced behind him. Mrs. Plimpton had her daughter by the hand and was quite literally cutting her way through the crowd. Her intended target was obvious.
Max shuddered and turned back abruptly, hoping to God that the old bat hadn't noticed he'd spotted her. He ducked underneath Will's arm and walked away as quickly as he could without drawing attention to himself. Max heard Will call after him.
"Rescue the girl and save the day, my good man! Ah, Mrs. Plimpton, how pleasant to see you again. And your lovely daughter as well."
GAIL stood alone by the balcony doors, listening to the orchestra play an absolutely beautiful waltz. Not a confident dancer, she was somewhat surprised to find herself swaying to the music. She felt loose, bemused, studying the colors on the dance floor swirling in rhythm to the waltz. As she watched under heavy lids, entranced, Gail picked at the sleeve of her gown. She never realized just how interesting the feel of silk was. The feel of anything, for that matter. She ran her hand over a fluted column relief in the wall, reveling in the cold touch of marble.
This warm, amused feeling was quite foreign to Gail, but instead of being suspicious, she decided to enjoy it. The occasional giggle escaped her lips, which amused her even more. She went on swaying to the sounds of violins and French horns, until her yellow slipper caught the edge of her hem, and she stumbled face forward...
Into the arms of Lord Ommersley.
"Lord Ommersley! Thank you." Gail spoke in between heavy breaths. "You are apparently agile enough to catch a stumblik...stumbling yellow debutante and not spill the drink you had taken the trouble to fetch for her."
He had manners enough to seem taken aback, but Gail was too intent on righting herself to catch the mischievous glint that passed through his eyes as he studied the entrancing rise and fall of her breast. She pushed herself away from the young man's embrace. He, however, was a bit more reluctant to let go.
"I had thought to bring you another drink," Lord Ommersley drawled, "but now I think you may not need it." His free hand closed over Gail's wrist in a gentle but firm grasp.
"Oh, but I am thirsty," Gail protested, trying to ease her wrist away from its captor, but finding herself caught.
"Well then," Ommersley said, "come out onto the balcony, and I shall let you have your drink."
Gail narrowed her eyes, but could not hone in on what was raising her suspicions. Before she had been enjoying her fuzzy mind—now it was becoming somewhat of a hindrance.
"The balcony?" Gail questioned. "But t'would be improper."
"Come now," Ommersley cajoled, tugging Gail along to the terrace doors. "We are going to be great friends, you and I. After all, I live right across the Square. I promise, a bit of air will be refreshing."
Gail's brow remained set in a furrowed frown. Something wasn't right here. Before, Ommersley seemed to be very attentive, in a harmless sort of way. But now Gail could see the wicked intentions in his face, hear the fevered determination in his voice. A heavy velvet curtain separated them from most of the party, and suddenly her mind latched onto the fact that she was very alone with this man. And Gail had had enough.
With all the force she could muster, she wrenched her arm free of Ommersley's grasp, pulling at him with such force that he spilled the drink he carried—all down the front of Gail's dress.
"Oh!" Gail cried, as the cool liquid drenched through the cloth and hit her skin. "My dress! How awful!"
Ommersley, however, seemed to be more enraged at the thought of her breaking his grip than the ruined state of her gown. Quickly, with a snarling ferocity his hollow frame disguised, he grabbed Gail by the forearms with bruising force and attempted to shake her into submission.
Through the pounding in her ears from being so shockingly handled, Gail heard a growling whisper.
"Enough!"
As suddenly as the shaking started, it stopped. Gail was given to the wall to lean against, whilst a dark, and somehow familiar form dragged a whimpering Ommersley off by the scruff of his neck, opened the French doors to the balcony and disappeared for no more than twenty seconds. Gail could hear nothing but a few grunts through the doors, but when they reopened, only the form of her savior reemerged, wiping his hands with a handkerchief. The long figure walked toward Gail, his strides quiet but strong. As he passed a lit wall sconce, she could discern his features, and her eyes widened in shock.
Bloody Hell.
"I honestly thought you had him when you broke his grasp but he was a bit too fervent for his own good." The man spoke as he approached, his eyes still on the balcony doors. When he turned his head, his concerned, good-natured smile quickly faded.
"Bloody Hell," he breathed.
"WHAT the devil are you doing here?" Max, after a moment of shock, finally spat out.
"Me?" she expostulated. "What the devil are you doing here?"
"I was invited to this party!" Max replied, which was (marginally) true. "Although I would have thought twice about attending had I known they let in bumbling headstrong nitwits who get themselves attacked."
"Hah! I can only question how such a conceited, overbearing ass received an invitation!" she shot back.
"Look around." Max waved his hand to the assembled crowd, who happily went on dancing without any thought or care as to the spitting match that was going on by the balcony doors. "Everyone here is a conceited, overbearing ass!"
A snort of laughter escaped her lips. Max's eyes narrowed as he leaned over her, placing his hand on the wall beside her head. He knew his frame to be quite imposing and, this time, as he judged by her widening eyes, she might actually take him seriously.
"The man who is currently bleeding on the balcony is a conceited, overbearing ass," he growled, forcing her golden eyes to hold his gaze. "He could have hurt you, and would have, had I not been here."
The girl steeled her spine. "I was doing just fine before you came."
Max snorted. "Oh yes, you had him in your clutches. He was deeply fooled by your impression of a rag doll, unaware that at any moment you would strike."
Aggravated, she looked up into his face—but for some reason her eyes couldn't focus on his properly. Her hand went to her head, as her knees bent involuntarily.
"Careful there. I've got you." Quickly, his arms went around her, catching her before she could fall. Max could not help but be reminded of the last time he had this woman in his embrace; she was as soft then as she was now. And as wet—he could feel her form pressing through the damp, sticky barrier of her dress. She was almost pretty, almost likeable...if only she didn't feel the need to set his back up with every sentence.
"What's your name?" he wondered, looking down into the hooded golden brown eyes.
She refocused and determinedly met his eyes, steadying herself there. "Propriety dictates the gentleman offer his name first."
"You wouldn't know propriety if it came up and shook your hand," Max countered, but conceded to her unwavering stare. Making certain the girl could stand on her own two feet, Max stepped back and gave a very smart bow. "Maximillian Augustus St. John, Viscount Fontaine, future Earl of Longsbowe, of Longsbowe Park, manor, and estates, at your reluctant service."
"It makes sense for you to have a name as pompous as you are, Max." Her smirk was drunkenly lopsided. "I am going to call you Max from now on—I doubt I care to remember all the St. John Augustine nonsense."
There it is, Max thought, there is the reason I find you so terribly provoking. That thought, however, he managed to keep to himself.
"And what, pray tell, is your name, brat?" Max gritted out. "Hester? Prudence? Mabel? Something as irritating and headstrong as you, perhaps?"
Her eyes lowered. "Gail," she mumbled, worrying the lace netting of her dress.
"Just Gail?"
"Just Gail," she countered, lifting her head again, with renewed fire.
"I think I like Brat better. More fitting. Haven't you a surname? Some poor family must be forced to survive you."
Gail visibly bristled at this jab and opened her mouth to answer, but was quickly interrupted by a muffled giggle. The giggle was soon joined by a masculine voice, whispering inaudible but heated phrases, eliciting more giggles. Both the giggle and the heated masculine voice were headed toward the balcony doors.
Max put his hand over Gail's mouth and quickly dragged her into the shadows, behind the curtain.
His mouth at her ear, he whispered, "Believe me, Brat, neither of us wants to be found having private words with the other. It would cause only embarrassment...and possibly marriage."
Wisely, Gail kept silent.
They watched as a voluptuous Titian-haired woman in an extremely well-formed dress tiptoed past on the arm of a gentleman, who seemed to delight in putting his hand in the most inappropriate place on her posterior. The lady, however, didn't seem to mind.
Once the frisky couple had closed the doors behind them, Max released his hand from Gail's mouth, set his head back against the cool stone, and breathed a sigh of relief.
"Well," he said, "since there were no screams issuing back at us, I gather they didn't see that conceited, overbearing ass I left behind the potted lemon tree. Although why the Altons have lemon trees outside in this climate is beyond me." He returned his gaze to the girl. "What, nothing to add? No witty rejoinder?"
Max took Gail by the shoulders and turned her about to face him, which turned out to be the wrong idea. The sudden movement combined with the recent lack of air behind the stuffy curtain and Max's hand, and none too few glasses of punch, had brought forth a wave of nausea that could not be denied.
There, behind the curtain, near the terrace doors, Gail lost control of her stomach.
All over Max's only pair of dancing shoes.
"Oh for the love of...!"
Max swore with a fluency Gail likely would have admired if she hadn't been in such a state. His face flushed to a bright, mottled red, he strained to keep his voice to a fervent whisper.
"Brat! Er, Gail! Are you all right? Can you take some deep breaths for me? Good. Now what's your family name? Where are your parents?"
She didn't answer him, instead her face turned pale and waxen as she leaned back against the cool wall behind her. He gently took her chin in his hand, but she pushed it aside and let her head fall to her chest. She was not handling her liquor well at all. Covering his face in his hands, Max took a deep breath (through his mouth, of course), turned on his now slippery heel and walked out from behind the curtain and into the throng of partygoers.
Luck was on his side, for he avoided having anyone notice his shoes, by grabbing the first passing servant he could find. Pulling the poor man toward their hidden spot, he ushered him behind the curtain and spoke in low tones.
"What is your name?"
"Grisby, sir."
"Grisby, do you know who this young lady is?"
"Why, yes, sir, she's...blimey, she's—"
"Can you escort her to her family?" Max interrupted. "Someone to take care of her?"
"Why, yes sir, of course."
Max discreetly slipped a coin into the astonished Grisby's hand. "That is for your discretion."
Grisby blinked several times. "Sir, as a member of Sir Geoffrey's household, I never—"
"For your services, then. Please take care of her before anyone sees. She'll need a good deal of water and air."
"Yes, sir, I'll take her directly. Come on, now, miss, we'll fix you right up," Grisby said, as he gently took hold of Gail's arm, steadying her against the side of his body. For a man with graying hair and a lean frame he took hold of her inert weight remarkably well. Max watched with concern as Grisby led Gail through a door paneled into the interior wall just to their right, hidden behind the curtain. It blended perfectly, indiscernible, if one hadn't known to look for it.
Trying not to breathe too deeply (the smell of his shoes being pervasive), Max took a moment to gather himself. It had only been minutes since he had had the misfortune to again be thrown into the presence of Miss Gail...er, something or other, but it felt like hours. She had never failed to aggravate him to his breaking point. This ball was a complete waste of time, Max thought, and suddenly, he was very tired. As much as he did not wish to offend his hosts, Max could not bring himself to face another set of debutantes. There was no bride hunting to be done tonight, it seemed, and Max decided the time had come to head home.
However, he hadn't taken two steps toward the party before he realized he could not easily cross the ballroom floor without causing a complete scandal. That is to say, without the state of his shoes causing some crinkled noses.
Max cursed himself for not asking Grisby if he could get his shoes washed or at least asked him the direction of the nearest water closet. His eyes flicked to the hidden, paneled door. Where did it lead? Suddenly, a niggling worry entered his brain. Damn, Max thought, I hope I didn't dump the poor girl on someone who is just going to dump her behind some potted tree. His conscience getting the better of him, Max made certain no one was coming toward the balcony, then quickly stepped behind the curtain again, found the door's latch and slipped through.
He stepped into another world. Was it a conservatory? A hothouse? The room was twenty feet high, cased by glass and filled with the most beautiful flowering trees and plants Max had ever seen. It was warm, humid, exotic. Down a wrought iron spiral staircase was a small stone path that wove its way through this enclosed forest, hiding its curves in the shade of wide-leafed palms. Moonlight filtered through the glass walls and played across the branches of the tallest trees, hung with leafy vines that flowered white bells. The tinkling of water mixed with the faded strains of the music, and Max breathed in the heavy perfume of the bright orange lilies that peppered the edge of the path.
Obviously, the hidden door did not lead to the kitchens. Not directly in any case. But as there was no sign of Grisby or Gail, Max had to assume there was another way through, and the old man had used this merely as a hallway, likely to the servant's quarters. Max wound his way down the stone path, forgetting about the awful state of his shoes for a moment, while he took in the beauty of this isolated spot in the middle of the teeming city. At the far end of the path, closest to the rounded end of the glass enclosure, was a stone fountain peppered with naughty little wood sprites pouring pails of water over unhappy looking stone frogs. Each sprite had a roguish wink in its eye and a pair of wings too small for its rounded cherubic body. But in the moonlight, they seemed to take flight. The fountain flowed down from higher tiers but ended in a wide, low pool. A pool he could easily step into.
Max looked around to make certain he was alone and sent silent thanks for an easy way to clean his shoes. Throwing any lingering caution to the wind, he stepped in to the fountain, splashing about happily. He let the wood sprites pour water over the filth on the once soft leather. They were clean in no time, and Max was about to remove himself from the pool and the party, when a shadowed figured walked through the trees, and jumped back, startled at his presence.
"Oh!" a female voice exclaimed, lifting her head from her own private reverie.
Max was dumbstruck. She was the most glorious creature he had ever laid eyes on. A small, delicate-looking female, swathed in a delicious confection of silk and lace that shimmered in the moonlight. Her hair was a sweet honeyed blonde, piled artfully upon her head, a long curl escaping over her shoulder. She had a blue-eyed gaze that speared him, a slightly sloping nose that curved up in a fetching manner at the end and a pert rosebud mouth that Max ached to taste. He couldn't help but notice the sleeve of her gown was torn and trailing off her shoulder.
"Excuse me," she said, casting her gaze again to the floor and turning away.
"No! Wait!" Max exclaimed, rushing out of the fountain's pool with a resounding splash. He caught up to her as she turned to face him. He dared not touch her, for fear she might disappear, but gathered himself enough to bow.
"I'm sorry if I disturbed you, miss, you should not have to leave such a lovely garden just because I am here." Given his unexpected jumble of nerves, Max was surprised at his own eloquence. "Er—are you quite well?" He indicated her shoulder, ready to do battle with anyone who had caused such a glowing beauty harm.
"Oh! Yes, I'm perfectly fine," she blushed, her mouth forming an O of surprise as she held the shoulder of her gown together with her hand. "This—I'm afraid the stitching on this gown is not very strong. I was dancing, and...well..." The young lady ventured a sweet smile to Max, the warmth of her expression flooring him.
How was this possible? Max hadn't felt so undone since he was a green lad, girding himself up to talk to a girl for the first time. Propriety dictated he leave the lady to her garden, but somehow, he couldn't. Max was caught up in her dazzling gaze, and she had forgotten her feminine blushes and found herself staring, entranced, in return.
A comfortable silence descended, and a sudden need to fill it. She spoke first.
"Um...what were you doing in the fountain?" she asked, awkwardly folding one hand to her waist, while the other was occupied holding up her sleeve.
Max looked down at his shoes, clean now, and the footprint puddles that tracked back to the fountain. He had been in quite the hurry to stop her from going, hadn't he? "Some, er, food was spilled on my shoes. I came through the door looking for a servant and found this marvelous place, and uh, washed off my shoes." Max grinned ruefully at his own story. It sounded so silly now, his anger at his ruined shoes and that damned girl.
Oh, no, Miss Brat Whomever, Max thought, I shan't think about you. You and your irritating mouth and golden eyes won't intrude on my time with this captivating beauty.
"Was it pudding?" asked the captivating beauty.
"Pardon?" Max said, startled out of his reverie.
"On your shoes, did someone spill a pudding?"
"Probably."
Again, they found themselves lapsing into that comfortable silence. He was so enchanted with this vision before him, the magic of the glass garden, that he couldn't help but devour her with his eyes. She met his gaze with one of equally fascinated interest.
"What's your name?" Max murmured, not realizing he'd said it aloud.
Suddenly she smiled, giving a surprisingly low, husky laugh, exuding a sensuality that had Max's full attention.
"My stepmother would tell you that propriety dictates the gentleman introduce himself first," she said coyly, looking out from underneath her lashes.
Where had he heard that before? It didn't matter.
Max bowed, not extravagantly, but warmly, bending at the waist, but always keeping his eyes locked with hers. "Maximillian, Lord Fontaine, at your service, ma'am."
"I think I saw you enter the party tonight, Lord Fontaine. You and a blond gentleman, who looks to be perpetually happy."
"Oh, you're mistaken. My friend is really quite dour." Max smiled. When she looked at him quizzically, he continued. "Sometimes, there are whole minutes when he's not smiling."
That elicited a giggle from his companion, entrancing Max even further.
"I am Miss Evangeline Alton." She dipped into a curtsy. "A pleasure."
"So you're the daughter of the house!"
"One of them," Evangeline replied, nodding sweetly.
"Elder or younger?" Max inquired.
When she replied elder, Max asked if this was her first outing in society, for he did not recall having seen her before.
"In London, yes," she replied. "But I have been in Portugal for the past year, and Paris and Madrid before that, so..."
"Yes, I doubt you are unfamiliar with the ways of society," he chuckled. "But you should be out enjoying the party."
"I was. I mean, I am. Romilla—my stepmother—was dancing so merrily, I didn't wish to bother her. So I thought to simply cut through to the kitchens, to see if I could get my dress stitched. I didn't think anyone would be in here. How do you know my family?"
He told her of meeting her father in Vienna. "You were still in the schoolroom at the time, else I certainly would have remembered you." Yes, he would have remembered her, very well indeed. What if, what if he was so bold as to touch her? Would she disappear like smoke?
Overcome by the idea, Max held out his arm in a courtly gesture, inviting her to take it. "Miss Alton, you must know all about this lovely conservatory. Would you be so good as to show me some of its secrets?"
She hesitated at first, likely not used to being left alone with a man. But, he wanted no more than he asked, and smiled to urge her on—and saw in her answering smile the moment she lost all hesitation and decided in his favor.
Her free arm slid through his, and warmth flooded Max's body. She started speaking, idling through the path and under tree branches, and Max was determined to remember every word.
"This was my mother's garden. She loved to sit in here. She loved different kinds of plants, so every time my father came home from his travels, he brought her something new and exotic. These vines, with the white flowers? They're from Greece. The olive growers plant these vines beside the olive trees, because they make the fruit sweeter."
Max reached up to one of the white-belled flowers and, with a firm hand, plucked it and presented it to Evangeline. Although she had no free hand with which to take it.
"Allow me," Max said softly, and at her acquiescing nod, tucked the flower behind her ear, tracing her jaw as he withdrew his hand.
She smiled at him, his eyes never leaving her face. He could get lost in that face.
"My mother died when I was young," she continued, "but my father dictated that the garden should always grow, even when we weren't here. I'm impressed you managed to find it—the doors are well hidden."
"I consider it fortunate I did so."
They had stopped walking, although Max hadn't noticed. His feet had stopped touching the ground long ago. They stood in that garden, with the muted strains of music lilting through from the ballroom, moonlight drifting through the trees, and his mind filled with her.
He didn't plan it. But as easily as Evangeline had taken Max's arm, as hopefully as he'd offered it, Max and Evangeline found themselves leaning into each other. Her hand abandoned her own torn sleeve, transferred to his. His face was a hair's breadth from hers, her mouth tilted up. He could feel the warmth of her breath on his skin, and when their lips met, it was simple.
It was sweet.
"Oh, Miss Evangeline! Thank goodness!"
Evangeline pulled away from him quickly, her jerky movement breaking the spell that held them both. The darkness hid most of them, but Evangeline's pale hair and dress had caught the moonlight, making her glow like a beacon, which attracted the very person searching frantically for her. Evangeline quickly tried to rearranged her torn shoulder, but to no avail.
A servant, the housekeeper by her dress, stood in a second doorway, one that led down to the kitchens. She rushed forward, the jangling of her pockets announcing her arrival to everyone near and far. She approached her quarry nervously, her eyes flitting from Evangeline to Evangeline's sleeve to Max in quick succession.
"I, uh, I beg your pardon, sir," the housekeeper said, stooping into a curtsy, "but might I have a word with Miss Alton?"
Evangeline nodded, and Max, receiving his signal, bowed to her and walked back along the narrow path toward the fountain.
"Mrs. Bibb, I know it seems strange, my being here alone with..."
That was all Max could hear. The housekeeper took over the conversation in a series of furtive whispers. Max tried not to eavesdrop, but he didn't want Evangeline to be scolded or belittled in any way for her actions this evening, and so found himself straining to hear what was being said.
A few moments later, Evangeline burst through the thicket of branches that hid the path from the fountain.
"I have to go," she stated, her manner completely changed. She was brisk, worried. "I'm very sorry, but there is a pressing matter I must see to."
"Please tell me you're not in trouble. I didn't intend to cause you any difficulty," Max whispered, his concern genuine.
Her expression softened. "Oh no, nothing of the sort. But I have to attend to something."
He closed the gap between them and ventured so far as to take her free hand.
"May I claim a dance with you later?"
"I'm sorry, but I doubt I'll be dancing anymore this evening."
Max would have taken that as a setback, except that she squeezed his hand as she said it. She was truly worried about something, and just as truly sorry to have missed the chance to dance with him.
"Then may I call upon you and your father tomorrow?" Max asked, holding her hand firmly, afraid that if he lost the connection, it would be he himself who was lost.
"Yes," she breathed. "Please do."
Max took the delicate gloved hand to his mouth, kissed it with a reverence reserved for cherished objects. His sharp gaze never left her as she disappeared through the thicket of the path, like mist in the air.
Max didn't remember leaving the conservatory. He didn't remember strolling through the ballroom, thick with dancers and the merry spirit of wine and song. Didn't remember retrieving Will, who was backed up against a wall like a startled fawn, forced to listen to the never tiring font of ignorance that was Mrs. Plimpton, while her daughter did a respectable imitation of a statue. What he did remember was a lovely mouth, a sweet smile, and a pair of brilliant golden...no, blue eyes.
"This is it, Holt!" Max said, slapping his friend on the shoulder once he had quickly and safely ushered them into his friend's carriage.
"What is it? And where did you disappear to for a half hour?" Will said, crossing his arms, petulantly. "I had to listen to every word that old biddy had to say about how this Season's neckline was indecent, especially for her 'pure, virtuous daughter.' It doesn't take that long to save one girl from a young cad's intentions."
"Beg pardon?" Max said, not knowing for a moment of whom Will spoke, his mind was much otherwise engaged. "Oh, that. Yes, that took hardly any time at all—and it doesn't matter now anyway. I've done it! I've found her! The hunt is over, I found one female in this town worth pursuing!"
Will looked at his friend, utter disbelief on his face. "Who?"
ROMILLA burst through the doors of the newly butter-yellow bedroom Gail claimed as her own. There she saw quite the tableau. Sitting on the bed was a very green-faced Gail, holding a porcelain bowl in her arms, while Evangeline, still startling in her ivory dress, her sleeve torn, busied herself by smoothing back Gail's fallen locks of hair and keeping a wet cloth to her sister's forehead.
"What on earth is going on here? Girls, why aren't you downstairs? The house full of guests—Evangeline, what happened to your dress? Your dance partners are asking after you."
"I'm sorry, ma'am, er, Mother," Evangeline said, "but you see Gail has fallen quite ill."
A wave of genuine motherly concern came over Romilla as she rushed to the bedside.
"Ill? My dear girl, what's wrong? What has made you feel so poorly?"
"I don't know," Gail answered weakly. Romilla worried her lower lip, leaned in to feel Gail's forehead, and caught a whiff of a suspicious aroma on Gail's breath and dress. Romilla drew back quickly, frustration and annoyance replacing any concern in her voice.
"Ill," she stated flatly. "Well of course you're ill—you smell like the inside of a whiskey barrel."
"Ma'am?" Evangeline questioned. "Whatever do you mean?"
"Never fear, Evangeline. Abigail will survive. It's a sickness she'll soon get over. Your sister has gotten herself drunk. Quite in her cups. Oh, how could she? God forbid anyone hear about this—we'll be the laughingstock of Society before you can say scotch."
"Drunk?!" Evangeline exclaimed. "No! Gail has never had a drink of liquor in her life!"
"I sincerely doubt that," Romilla replied. She went to the pale, hunched form of her incorrigible stepchild. "Abigail! What did you have to drink? And how much?"
She was answered by a horrible retching, followed by a splash in the porcelain bowl.
Gail lifted her head.
"I swear," she said, her voice breaking miserably on each word, "I only had punch."
## Eight
"THAT girl is lying. There was absolutely nothing intoxicating in that punch. It's from my own recipe!" Romilla exclaimed to her husband, indignant at the very thought of her punch being the cause of all the trouble. She was still seething the morning after the ball.
Following Romilla's diagnosis of inebriation, Evangeline had staunchly refused her stepmother's firm request that she go back down and join the merrymaking. She said she was quite sure there was no one left she cared to dance with in any case. Romilla had wheedled, cajoled, and outright demanded that Evangeline release Gail to the tender care of Mrs. Bibb, but Evangeline would not be persuaded to leave her sister's side. Romilla had eventually thrown up her hands at this display of sisterly devotion, convinced in her own rightness that Evangeline should be as outraged as she, and Gail was to blame for every wrong thing in this world, from influenza to the French.
Of course, Romilla calmed herself quickly. It was extremely judgmental to blame the girl for all of society's ills—besides, the French were their own problem. Taking herself back downstairs, Romilla rationalized her thoughts. Gail had been extremely nervous before the ball, this being her first outing in London Society; the parties in Portugal and Paris had been quite small and intimate compared to this grandest of events. Romilla could understand if she had had a nip or two of something to calm her nerves. But to claim she had only had punch! Romilla felt her ire work itself back up again. The least the child could do was be honest!
Which was exactly what she was saying to her husband in the library the following morning. She was supposed to be guiding the girls through their first morning of callers, but Gail was still abed, and Romilla was so upset she had abandoned Evangeline to Miss Nesbitt's spinsterly chaperonage in the drawing room while taking calls from eager young gentlemen.
"Drunkenness is unpardonable! Abigail is unpardonable!" Romilla said in a huff. "It's as if...are you even listening to me?"
Sir Geoffrey sat behind his desk, his thumb idly tapping the arm of his chair, his eyes straying to the paper in front of him. Romilla stopped mid-sentence, jostling her husband into looking at her. What he saw was a woman who could not be placated. Romilla was spitting mad, and she would be hanged if he thought he was going to read the paper today.
"Yes, dear," he sighed. "I'm paying attention."
MAX was admitted to the foyer of the Alton household in high hopes. In his hand, he carried a bunch of white-belled flowers, as close to the trailing vines Miss Alton had shown him in the conservatory as he could find in London's hothouses. He had barely slept a wink the night before in anticipation of meeting Evangeline again and presenting his rather hasty request to her father. He was about to do something he could hardly believe—asking a man permission to court his daughter. It was a day that had to arrive in any gentleman's life. And Max liked Evangeline, he truly did. She was perfection incarnate. Surely this feeling he was stepping off a cliff would pass.
Max handed his overcoat to the butler, a very formal and disapproving-looking fellow, who placed it in a cupboard with several other gentlemen's coats and hats. It suddenly struck Max that he must not be the only caller this morning. All the young gentlemen who'd had chance to dance with the Alton daughters were sure to be vying for their attention, and the rest of the day would be filled with visits to and from other ladies. Such was life in the world of the Ton. Absolutely no time to yourself to sneak out to the conservatory.
The butler turned imperiously and started toward the drawing room. Max followed, but was brought to a jolting stop by the sounds coming from behind a set of wide-paneled doors across the hall.
"Her behavior last night was absolutely scandalous!"
The heated female voice made Max wince. Obviously, the new Lady Alton was in a great temper about something.
"I'm not disagreeing with you, dear," came Sir Geoffrey's deep rumble, "but..."
"Could you believe a young lady could act so outrageously, at her debut ball no less?"
Max froze in his tracks. Evangeline had assured him that she would be perfectly all right, that she wouldn't be in trouble for being alone with him in the garden. But now, having heard those snippets of conversation, Max knew she had been wrong. Her parents, her stepmother in particular, were in a froth over it.
Max looked from the drawing room door, where the butler stood waiting to show him in, to the other door across the hall where the emanating sounds had been quelled to murmurs. He made his decision.
"Do you have a pencil?"
The butler looked at him curiously before reaching into his pocket and producing a short nubbed pencil. Max took a calling card out of his own pocket and scribbled a quick note on the back. He handed the trailing white flowers and the card to the butler.
"Please see that Miss Alton receives these immediately. I'll wait right here for a reply."
The butler took the bundle, barely sniffing at his peculiar behavior.
"Yes sir."
And with one quick glance over his shoulder the butler disappeared into the drawing room. Max caught a glimpse of a light blue room filled with flowers, morning sunlight, and too many gentlemen for his peace of mind. But he couldn't worry about that right now. It would only be a few moments before the butler returned, and he would rather not have to explain himself to the formidable family retainer.
Max quickly crossed the hall, and knocked on the wide paneled doors.
GAIL lay very, very still. The bed curtains were drawn. The window curtains were drawn. The covers were drawn up over her head. Sunlight was the enemy. As was noise, food, and any movement whatsoever. But she was awake. She had woken up just after dawn and tried to fall back asleep, but it was no use. Her body wouldn't allow herself the luxury. But she couldn't get out of bed—not now, not ever. Her head was pounding with such force that she was certain any sudden movement would dislodge her brain. She wasn't going to be riding QueenBee today, that was certain.
At the thought of QueenBee, her mind automatically followed a course from her horse, to the black horse that had nearly run her over, to its rider. Gail cringed—which hurt.
At least she knew his name now: Maximillian Something Something Fontaine, future Earl of Longsbowe. Oh, how could she have acted so damned stupidly? She had been doing so well, she had dressed appropriately, and she had spoken and danced with at least three gentlemen. But then her natural tendency for disaster had to strike. Getting drunk was bad enough, but to be rescued by him?
And he's a peer of the realm, a Viscount, an Earl-to-be! Doubtless Max took no small pleasure in telling any and all of the guests last night that the young lady who was so abominably rude to him a few weeks earlier had gotten completely in her cups, nearly assaulted, and then cast up accounts all over his shoes.
A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye. One day, one day out in London society, and she ruined it all.
She lay like that for hours, unable to think beyond her own misery. And rightly so, too! How much damage had she done to her own reputation? How much had she embarrassed her father, Evangeline, even Romilla...
Gail cringed, and then cringed again at the pain the first cringe caused in her forehead. Movement was tricky.
Romilla. Gail certainly remembered that her stepmother had been on an awful tear the night before about the punch. Hindsight was always annoyingly clear, and Gail could now see that young Ommersley was certainly no gentleman, and had likely tampered with the refreshments he was so diligent in procuring for her. Gail fumed. She dearly wanted to give that overentitled, unscrupulous little twit his comeuppance, but would have to think of exactly how later. The bloody nose Lord Fontaine had delivered would certainly not suffice.
As Gail's brain threatened to loop back onto Max again, suddenly, the deafening squeak of door hinges exploded in her brain, followed by the positively earsplitting noise of someone bustling about the hearth.
"Please...not so loud," she croaked out, her voice muffled to a whisper by all the cotton taking up residence in her mouth.
Sunlight burned a path into Gail's tortured eyes when Mrs. Bibb unceremoniously pulled the bed curtains back.
"Ah! Good mornin', Miss Gail!" Mrs. Bibb proclaimed cheerily, as Gail turned her frail head away from the light. "Glad to see yer awake. Quite a night you had, I'm surprised you dinna sleep till nightfall."
"Please..." Gail whispered, "just let me die."
Mrs. Bibb clucked her tongue. "Miss Gail, you always did have a knack for dramatics."
Then, the loving housekeeper flung back the feathered quilts on the bed, forcing Gail to curl into a ball to keep warm.
"Now," she began blithely while opening the windows, letting in a mild spring breeze. "All you need is some fresh air. Lord, you think yer the first person to feel their head after a night of too many? Stuff and nonsense, missy. Now, as I was sayin', you just need some fresh air, a hot bath"—Gail looked bleary-eyed to the hearth where two maids were filling a copper tub with steaming water—"and, of course, this."
Mrs. Bibb brought forth a tray, upon which sat a glass full of the vilest looking liquid Gail had ever had the misfortune to lay eyes on.
"What on earth is that?" Gail blurted out, eyeing the glass with clear distain and rising nausea. "Blood?" she ventured cautiously.
"Lord, you are a silly girl some days!" Mrs. Bibb proclaimed. "It's none but tomatoes, an egg, some other kitchen things, and a bit o' hair of the dog."
"There's dog hair in it?!" Gail looked aghast.
"Miss Gail, no!" Mrs. Bibb sighed, exasperated. "By that I mean a bit of the liquor you took upon yourself to guzzle last evenin'! It's a time-tested true cure for your complaints this morning. No dog hair, no blood. I swear on the grave of my dear Mr. Bibb."
Whenever Mrs. Bibb's late husband's grave was brought into the picture, her word was solid as scripture. But still, the drink looked absolutely evil.
"Now," Mrs. Bibb was saying, "drink up, hop into that tub, and you'll feel right as rain in no time."
Oh, she couldn't. She nearly lost her stomach just looking at it.
"Please," Gail begged, "may I just stay in bed today? Papa will understand."
Mrs. Bibb's eyes narrowed. "Your papa might let you lay about"—her voice had the steeled edge that Gail knew not to ignore—"but I guarantee her ladyship would'na stand for it. She told me if yer not downstairs in a half hour's time, she's comin' to get you herself. And she won't be as nice as me, miss. If you think she was displeased last night, you donna want to see her this mornin'."
Gail didn't have to be told twice.
Nothing could have induced her to move faster than avoidance of the scolding she was bound to receive from her stepmother. Gail would do anything if it meant she could feel well and presentable enough to leave this room before Romilla entered it.
She took the glass, and with a murmured toast of "cheers" to Mrs. Bibb, Gail mustered her courage, and swallowed the contents in one long gulp.
"IT will be impossible to get the girls vouchers for Almack's now—"
Romilla's fevered rant was interrupted by a knock on the library doors.
"Oh, what now?" she cried. "I told Morrison not to disturb us unless it was particularly important!"
"Well, if I knew there was a 'do not disturb' order in place, I would have found a way to use our time to better advantage," Sir Geoffrey replied, giving his wife a distinctly lusty look as he crossed to the door. As peeved as she was by her husband's flippancy while she was trying to discuss something of great import, Romilla could not help but flush.
"Morrison, I hope this is urg..." Sir Geoffrey's voice died as he opened the door. Lord Fontaine stood, his back straight, hands at his sides, his face a picture of noble surrender.
"Uh, Lord Fontaine, isn't it? Lost your way to the drawing room, have you?" Sir Geoffrey inquired.
"No, Sir Geoffrey. I do apologize for interrupting your private conversation," he said as he made a sharp bow to Sir Geoffrey and then Romilla, as she joined her husband at the door. "But I'm afraid what I have to say will bear weight on your discourse."
Lord Fontaine paused, but since neither of his audience made a sound (beyond some raised eyebrows—which don't make much noise in the first place) he took a breath and said, "I am the man who compromised your daughter last evening."
THERE were so many flowers, the maids were having trouble finding enough vases to hold them. Evangeline had never seen such a quantity in her life—it was like a sea of color. She sat on a marvelously sculpted sofa in the blue drawing room, papered and furnished to match her eyes and complement her complexion. Surrounding her were fields of peonies, daisies, daffodils, tulips, day lilies, but most of all roses and roses and roses. All in complex arrangements, all from the best hothouses. The blooms were as showy as the gentlemen that surrounded them tried to be.
There was Mr. Fitzwilliam, squeezed in a blue coat and buff trousers. She had danced the quadrille with him, Evangeline remembered, and he had flushed so dreadfully she thought he would expire from the exertion. His face was just as red now, as he attempted to tell a story that cast himself as the rescuer of a child in the street. Mr. Thornley, Captain Sterling, and Sir Quayle all wore sedate coats of deep mauve. They did their best to avoid standing too close to one another, although they rolled their eyes in time with each other to Fitzwilliam's story. Then they proceeded to try and best him with tales of their own exploits, interrupting each other as they did so. A good half dozen other gentlemen tried to stand out in the throng by offering to fetch a pillow, or detailing their exploits at St. James's Court, every last one a peacock strutting for the female's attention.
Evangeline smiled, laughed, and played the gracious and demure young lady to perfection. But on the inside, she was a bundle of nerves. She desperately wished Gail would come downstairs and act as a relief from all of these young men trying to catch her eye. If only Romilla wasn't shut up in the study with father, she could come and deflect some of the more over-eager lads that crowded Evangeline's shoulders. Romilla had the good sense to invite Miss Nesbitt to sit with them today, so at least there were some chaperonage in the room, and thus the semblance of propriety. But Evangeline could hardly claim to know Miss Nesbitt well, and she desperately wanted the support of a familiar face.
One particular face floated across her mind. Dark hair and green eyes that shone in the moonlight, a strong countenance that made her stomach flutter with anxiety. Would he call today? Lord Fontaine had asked permission to call upon her and her father, but would he? If he did, moreover, would she be happy to see him? Evangeline's mind was unsettled on the matter. After all, she knew him less than she knew Miss Nesbitt.
At that moment, the familiar stutter of a throat clearing interrupted Evangeline's reverie. Her mind snapped back to the present, and she realized that several pairs of eyes had come to rest quizzically upon her in the intervening moments. One of which was the butler, Morrison.
Giving the room her brightest smile, she excused herself from the crowd. They continued chatting along without her, but Evangeline knew full well that she was still the object of much attention.
"Another bouquet for you, miss," Morrison said in his most imperious tones, handing her the flowers. Then, lower, "And a note."
She smelled the blooms—quite the least traditional flowers she had yet received, so very exotic! They looked just like the vines she showed...
It took all Evangeline had to appear outwardly cool as she took the plain card. On it was printed only a name: Viscount Fontaine. But underneath in a scrawl of pencil, was written: Meet me in thirty minutes. You know where.
She did know where. Oh, so very reckless to be meeting the man again without any chaperone! The war of Evangeline's propriety and her curiosity was hard fought, but quickly resolved. Where was the harm in a brief meeting, wherein Evangeline would be sure to scold him lightly for his forward manner, followed by an invitation to stay and chat—chaperoned, in the drawing room, of course.
She looked up. Morrison stood straight as an arrow, expecting her reply.
"Tell him I shall be delighted."
"WHAT do you mean, you are the man who compromised my daughter last night?" Sir Geoffrey said, his face impassive, his arms relaxed on the desk. Max could see how this man was able to move up through the spider web of politics. He could freeze you in your tracks with a look and conduct an interrogation without emotion, even when it was his own daughter in question. This was a man he wanted on his side, for he would be a very sharp adversary.
Unfortunately, Max's doorside proclamation had declared him the enemy. He had been ushered into the room in all politeness and asked very genteelly if he should care to take a seat. Sir Geoffrey had ordered a low, uncomfortable wooden chair brought forth and placed in the center of the room. Max had little choice but to accept it. Romilla had positioned herself on a sofa, not saying a word, just watching with piercing eyes and a rigid posture of which few headmistresses could boast. The hands in her lap were gripped so tightly the knuckles turned white. Max had a feeling she was forcing herself to not jump up and hit him over the head with a handy piece of statuary.
"I mean to say, sir, that I am the reason you are up in arms. I am the man your daughter was found with in the conservatory." Max confessed in measured words, looking Sir Geoffrey straight in the eye. Well, as straight as he could, from such an awkwardly low chair.
This was met with astounded silence. Then—
"What on earth..." was all that could break free from Lady Alton's mouth before her husband held up one hand to silence her. He kept his eyes focused on Max.
"Would you care to, uh, explain the circumstances of how you came to be in the conservatory with my daughter?" Sir Geoffrey said, as he took a seat behind his desk in the large leather chair and steepled his fingers. It was probably a very comfortable chair, Max thought briefly.
"Well, sir, I was in attendance at your absolutely delightful ball"—Max made a point of looking to Romilla with this compliment; her eyes simply narrowed—"and I was following a servant through a door that I thought led to the kitchens, never mind why, and I found myself in your indoor garden. A very beautiful place, sir, I congratulate you on it. I wandered around for a bit, and was about to leave when your daughter entered—"
"And then you gave her the punch?" Sir Geoffrey interrupted.
"Punch? No sir, I certainly didn't punch her!"
"Then when..." Sir Geoffrey let the question die. "Please," he said, waving his hand, "continue."
Max took a deep breath.
"Your daughter and I chatted for some time and then we were interrupted by, I believe, your housekeeper. I must say she is a most amiable female."
"My housekeeper?"
"No, your daughter. Although I'm sure your housekeeper is very pleasant."
"Ah. So, let me understand this. You were 'chatting' in the conservatory with my youngest girl..." Sir Geoffrey summarized.
"No sir."
"But you just said you were," Romilla said, her brow furrowed.
"It wasn't your youngest daughter," Max stated firmly, "'twas your eldest, Evangeline."
A muffled shriek escaped Romilla's lips, caught by a covered hand. Sir Geoffrey was no less surprised, but hid it better.
"Evangeline? You were alone in the conservatory with Evangeline?"
"Well, yes, of course, Evangeline. Who did you think I was speaking about?" Max declared, rising out of his seat. He simply could not take sitting any longer.
"Lord Fontaine, I have recently come to the conclusion that I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about and why you're confessing to it, but I will have the whole of the story now. You say you went to the conservatory alone. You met my daughter, my eldest daughter Evangeline, there. You talked. What else?"
"And we were interrupted, discovered, by your housekeeper," Max said.
Sir Geoffrey looked closely at him. Max felt as if his skin was being peeled away and the man could see right through him.
He stood stiffly, watching as Sir Geoffrey crossed the room to his wife, and they spoke in low voices. Romilla nodded, and then excused herself from the room, keeping her eyes forward and her chin up as she passed Max. When the doors shut with a firm click, Sir Geoffrey turned back to his quarry.
"What else?" Sir Geoffrey asked, his voice deceptively calm.
"What...else, sir?" Max replied, keeping his voice as cool as he could manage.
"Yes, what else happened between you and my Evangeline? You came here to confess to something, I know not what, but I can tell you that if nothing damaging had transpired between you and my daughter, you wouldn't feel so burdened to speak."
"I feel burdened to speak, sir, because being found alone with a man is damaging to any young lady's reputation, no matter the behavior of the gentleman. When I walked into the house today, hoping to call upon you and your daughter, I could not help but overhear your conversation with your wife. I did not want Miss Alton to be in disgrace for something that was in no way her fault," Max declared vehemently.
"An excellent argument," Sir Geoffrey conceded, "but I know as well as you that something else happened."
"Sir, whatever occurred between your daughter and I was innocent, and therefore, does not bear on this conversation." It was only a kiss after all. One little kiss, it was nothing.
Sir Geoffrey paused and gave Max such a look—a cold, intense stare, unblinking, unwavering, attempting to break Max down into a pile of dust. Max simply met the gaze. Sir Geoffrey's eyebrow twitched up, in...could it be a twinge of respect?
"We shall see." The older gentleman spoke in clipped tones.
Both men took a moment to breathe. Max watched as Sir Geoffrey checked his pockets, patted them down, and pulled out a cigar. He held it to his nose and took a deep breath.
Sir Geoffrey noticed Max's attention. "I would ask if you would care if I lit a cigar, but my wife will be back any moment, and I know her answer to that question."
Max's mouth quirked of its own accord, and the two gentlemen shared understanding looks, forgetting for a moment the reason they were in this room together.
Max had to break the silence.
"Sir, before your wife returns, I should like to discuss a certain matter with you."
"And what matter would this be?"
"Marriage."
If Sir Geoffrey had been permitted to light a cigar, he would have surely choked on it. As it was, his face turned an impressively mottled purple.
"Does marriage need to be discussed?" he asked angrily.
"No! No, sir! But I should like to discuss it all the same."
"Why?"
"Because I should like to marry your daughter."
Sir Geoffrey lifted a hand to his head, as if it had suddenly begun to pound.
"Quickly, if you don't mind," Max added.
"Honestly," Sir Geoffrey growled, "right now I'm not inclined to let either of my daughters out of their rooms until Kingdom Come!"
A terse knock cut off any rant Sir Geoffrey may have been persuing, and Romilla entered, followed closely by Mrs. Bibb. The good-natured and efficient housekeeper was worrying the edge of her apron, the only outward sign of her nervousness at being summoned abruptly to the master's library.
"Mrs. Bibb," Sir Geoffrey said calmly, his voice pitched to soothe frayed nerves, as he sat on the edge of his large mahogany desk. "Do you recognize this man?"
Mrs. Bibb turned to look at Max, who had positioned himself against the far wall. Max knew the instant recognition hit.
"Ah. I'm afraid I do, sir," she said, turning her eyes to Sir Geoffrey, her hand never leaving her apron. A nod from Sir Geoffrey told her to continue.
"He, ah, he was with Miss Evangeline in the conservatory, when I, ah, had to fetch her last evening," she stated.
Sir Geoffrey's jaw hardened—this was the question he had been dreading.
"And what were they doing in the conservatory?"
"Doing, sir?"
"Were they talking, or perhaps walking about?"
"No sir," she replied.
"Then what were they doing there together?"
For the first time Mrs. Bibb broke eye contact with Sir Geoffrey and looked at her hands.
"They were kissing, sir."
A small sound came from Romilla as she put her hand over her mouth, her eyes burning fire. Max's jaw worked something fierce. Sir Geoffrey's countenance, however, remained impassive.
"Why didn't you tell us before, Mrs. Bibb?" Romilla asked from her position on the couch.
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I truly am," Mrs. Bibb replied, misery in her voice, "but I'm afraid I forgot, with, er, with other things goin' on last night."
Sir Geoffrey nodded. Romilla simply looked hard at Max, as if she were calculating a long sum of numbers.
"Mrs. Bibb, one more question before you go, I know you must be busy," Sir Geoffrey said, bringing her attention back to him. She nodded slowly.
"Did you mention to anyone how you found Miss Evangeline and this, er, gentleman?"
"No sir!" Mrs. Bibb replied indignantly. "I'd never spread tales about Miss Evangeline, yer Lordship!"
Sir Geoffrey gave a great sigh of relief. He was about to dismiss Mrs. Bibb and this whole awful affair, when...
"Except that..." Mrs. Bibb said softly.
Sir Geoffrey, Romilla, and Max all stiffened.
"It's just that, I might have been scoldin' Miss Evie a bit as we're walkin'. And we did pass one of the newer maids in the hallway. And, er, there was the issue with the dress."
Romilla's head snapped up. "Her sleeve! I saw it—it was torn and hanging past her shoulder." She turned accusatory eyes on Max.
Sir Geoffrey turned white.
"Her sleeve, madam, was torn dancing, or so she told me," Max replied evenly.
"We did have such trouble gettin' it to fit right earlier, if you recall, my Lady," Mrs. Bibb piped up, but Sir Geoffrey held up his hand.
"Thank you, Mrs. Bibb—you may go," he said wearily.
"Well, Lord Fontaine," Sir Geoffrey said, after Mrs. Bibb left the room, "it looks like you may get your wish after all."
"What wish?" Romilla inquired.
"To marry Evangeline, my dear. And quickly."
## Nine
"I don't like this, not one bit."
"I know dearest, but what are we to do?"
It had been such a nice party last night. He didn't need this, Sir Geoffrey thought, he really didn't. He had issues to discuss with his estate manager and reports to give on Portuguese cooperation to Parliament, and he desperately wanted the comfort of a cigar. But suddenly he was mired waist deep in domestic mess. First Gail, now Evangeline, and this man asking to marry her—quickly!
"We? You were supposed to ensure their debut!" Sir Geoffrey thundered. "You were supposed to make certain everything my daughters did reflected well upon themselves and on me!"
He had dismissed Lord Fontaine from the library, but instructed him not to leave the house. Sir Geoffrey also warned Morrison that Lord Fontaine was not to go anywhere near Evangeline or the drawing room. When Morrison knocked on the door and assured them that the young gentleman had wisely decided to take a tour of the music room, Sir Geoffrey and Romilla began their discussion in earnest.
Sir Geoffrey talked. And paced. And yelled. And desperately wanted a cigar. Romilla sat on the couch and watched.
"And not only Gail—whose injuries to herself are comparatively minor—but Evangeline!" Sir Geoffrey raged after a great long while. "I know it was 'circumstance,' but she should have known better! She always knows better!"
Romilla sighed. "I almost wish it was Abigail who was in the conservatory with him. Evangeline has so much promise..."
Sir Geoffrey crossed his arms over his chest. "Not everyone dismisses Gail as easily as you do, my dear."
Romilla blanched, then stuttered. "I...I don't dismiss her. I just meant—" But Sir Geoffrey had already moved on.
"The pertinent question now is what are we going to do?" He smacked his fist against the desk, causing all manner of quills, jars, and papers to jump. Romilla watched as Sir Geoffrey's hand found its way into his breast pocket and pulled out a cigar. She frowned as he cut and lit it.
"I do wish you wouldn't smoke, dearest."
"Right now, darling"—Sir Geoffrey exhaled a long tendril of blue smoke—"I really don't give a bloody damn."
A long silence ensued. The clock ticked on the mantel. Romilla concentrated on smoothing an indiscernible fold in her skirt, while her husband rolled the cigar between his fingers, creating patterns in the escaping smoke.
"I'm sorry," he said after a while, "for yelling just now."
Romilla smiled at him, her eyes softening with forgiveness.
"Do you believe anything actually happened between them?" she asked.
"Do I think my daughter's person has been compromised beyond all redemption? No. Any cad who would do such a thing would never come and confess to her parents the next morning."
"What about the sleeve?" Romilla asked.
Sir Geoffrey let his breath go in a long sigh. "That's a problem. Gossip is ever so much more interesting with visual details."
"It is possible it ripped on the dance floor," Romilla added hopefully. "It came back from the dressmaker's tight across the shoulders, Mrs. Bibb was correct there."
"If so, why weren't you informed? Why didn't a lady's maid attend to Evangeline in the powder room?"
"Dearest"—Romilla held up her hands—"I simply don't know."
Sir Geoffrey, all out of sighs and blusters, resigned himself to slumping in his chair. "She may not have been compromised physically, but her reputation is a different story. If this gets out..."
Romilla gave a ladylike snort. "Darling, we've been here three weeks, and I can already tell you the latest gossip about everyone on this square, from the name of Mr. Watling's latest opera dancer, to how many kittens the Pickerings' tomcat sired. Believe me, rumors will get around. And by the time they get back to us, it won't be kissing in the conservatory with a torn sleeve, it will be ravaging in the bedroom naked to the waist. An allusion's all that's needed to seem real."
Sir Geoffrey went white at the imagery—then red. "Her sleeve, what if he did...by god, she's just a child!"
"She's twenty, not a child," Romilla replied quietly.
"She's my child."
Romilla was silent for a moment, lost in thought. Then—
"It could be worse, you realize. No dearest, listen to me for a moment," for Sir Geoffrey had begun a scoff of disbelief. "While Lord Fontaine would not be my first choice, consider, he has funds—or will once he inherits. True, he is not the toast of society, but I know of no unappealing rumors attached to him. His birth and breeding are impeccable, and although his father hasn't deigned to sit in the House of Lords for years, maybe Lord Fontaine is not wholly without merit. With the exception of his behavior last night, he seems intelligent. And Evangeline would be a countess. A peer no one could disparage."
A look of consideration played over Sir Geoffrey's face. "What-ifs" drifted in front of his eyes. But...
"A hasty marriage would do terrible damage to my prospects—Countess or no."
"Then maybe we can buy some time." Romilla rose and began to pace in the same circle Sir Geoffrey had before. "You're right, if a wedding were to take place tomorrow, it would only serve as proof of some indiscretion. And that would reflect badly on us all. But, if we ignore the rumors and refuse to allow Lord Fontaine anywhere near us, the rumors would be fueled and still blacken our name. We are lucky in one regard—that any gossip would have originated with the servants. If one of the guests had discovered them, we would be done for."
"Why is that lucky?" Sir Geoffrey groused. "You've told me a dozen times that the best and most useful information originates downstairs, not up."
Romilla dismissed this with a shrug. "It's one of the great ironies of Society."
She stopped pacing and came to stand before her husband. He reached for her hand.
"What we'll do," she said softly, "is allow Lord Fontaine to outwardly court Evangeline, while they are secretly engaged. Only the family will know, not even the servants. The fact that he is so attentive to Evangeline in a gentlemanly fashion will stem off some of the meaner gossip. When we announce the betrothal in, oh, a month's time, and when the wedding occurs, it will seem to have happened naturally."
Sir Geoffrey looked at his wife, impressed. "You put the schemings of Parliament to shame, darling," he said with appreciation.
"I'll take that as a compliment, dearest." She hesitated a moment. "My only fear is if he doesn't take to her. What if they don't get on well?"
"He's the one who wants to marry her. Besides, from what was reported last night, they get on very well indeed," Sir Geoffrey replied. And his wife was forced to agree. He looked at the smoke escaping from his cigar, considered the options for a moment—and saw very few.
"I will allow this," Sir Geoffrey said, rising from the side of the desk, "on one condition. That Evangeline agrees, of her own free will. After all, no one has asked her if she wants to marry him. But I warn you, my dear, if she says no now, we will support her, and we will weather the scandal as a family." Sir Geoffrey stubbed out the cigar, muttering, "Although she had better say yes." He stood and crossed to his wife. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he looked her dead in the eye.
"So my dear, what do you say?"
Romilla rubbed her chin, thoughtful. "Send for Evangeline."
JUST outside of the library, Gail tiptoed downstairs. She was clean, dressed, and surprisingly bright eyed, given her physical state not half an hour ago. Mrs. Bibb's cure-all really did have restorative powers. Perhaps she could bottle and sell it, like so many medicines Gail saw advertised in the Times—all promising freedom from such ailments as gout, pneumonia, and women's complaints. Making certain to step over the third stair from the bottom (for it squeaked abominably), Gail walked quickly down the hall, careful to avoid the library doors, where she could hear the rumblings of her father's voice. She thought briefly about going into the drawing room, knowing Evangeline was there—and Gail wouldn't mind a friendly face. But the fear of meeting Romilla, who was surely sitting next to her protégée, outweighed any reassurance she could receive from her sister. Gail knew that she would eventually have to meet with her stepmother, but she would prefer to avoid it as long as possible.
Deftly stepping into a cupboard to avoid being seen by a pair of maids making their way to the stairs with fresh linens, Gail poked her head out only after she heard their footsteps retreating. She wasn't going to chance running into anyone. Unfortunately, there were very few places for privacy in Number Seven. Servants were everywhere, righting the house from last night's festivities, as were morning callers spilling out from the drawing room into the hall. She could go to the music room, but if she were to play one note, Romilla would come charging up the stairs. There was only one place that Gail thought might be unoccupied.
Seeing the coast was clear, Gail slipped down the hall into the ballroom and across the floor to a hidden door by the balcony.
MAX did as he had said he would, retreating to the music room, which overlooked the rear gardens—more accurately, overlooked the one tree Number Seven had claim to. The window was open, but Max barely registered the sweet spring breeze in the air, as he kept checking his pocket watch at obscenely close intervals.
Ten more minutes. Nine and three quarters. Nine and a half...He couldn't even properly enjoy the brilliant beauty of the music room—its pianoforte gleamingly grand in the room's center. Nor could he see the loveliness of the new buds on the lonely tree, the small, light green leaves that hinted at something richer. Nay, his mind was far too preoccupied.
Max guessed Sir Geoffrey and Lady Alton's discussion could go on some time. They would either have decided immediately (and if so, he wouldn't be standing in the music room right now, or standing period, most likely), or they would be debating his future for hours. Actually, Max wasn't as worried on that score as he probably should be—in fact the accidental revelation of last night's indiscretion might have furthered his actual purpose to marry Evangeline—albeit not the way he had hoped. Parents were never inclined to think well of men who compromised their daughters, even if they did get married.
Nay, Max wasn't concerned about his future in-laws. In truth, he was counting the minutes till he met with his future wife.
Eight and a half minutes. Eight and a quarter...Max plunked himself on the pianoforte's bench, accidentally resting his elbow on the keys, producing a horrid chord. He promptly stood up again. His body was a bundle of nerves, and he had twice his normal energy. He didn't know what to do with himself when time refused to move at its proper pace.
He was banned from the drawing room, but that did not prevent Evangeline from leaving it, if she was so inclined. Max desperately wanted to see Evangeline again—not only to ascertain that she was well after leaving so abruptly the previous evening. He needed to look into her eyes, to make certain that what he saw there before wasn't just a trick of moonlight. He paced his way back to the window. Next to the one tree was the glass conservatory's outer wall, which took up most of the rear of the house. Was it possible he spied movement within its translucent shell? He checked his watch one last time before dropping it into his pocket.
Seven minutes, fifty seconds.
Close enough, he thought, as he headed toward the door, barely restraining himself from breaking into a run.
Across the hall, tiptoeing through the already immaculate ballroom, Max found the hidden door rather neatly in the sunlight, as opposed to the warm glow of a candlelit ballroom. He found the latch and turned it with an easily recalled flick of the wrist, stepping into his remembered heaven.
The garden looked different in the daylight. The tall trees that had loomed like shadowed gatekeepers now stood proud and thick with leaves, reaching for the sun coming through the glass ceiling above. The moonlight that had cut through the mist of the heated atmosphere was now gone. He could see the dirt surrounding the plants, the seams of the cobblestones in the winding path. His footsteps clipped against the stone, through the trees, under the bower of white-belled flowers, that were tinted pink by day, and he could see the green painted trellis that supported them beneath the vines. It was still a beautiful garden, a remarkable conservatory in an English climate. But it lost some of its magic when one could see the puppeteer's strings.
Max tossed these thoughts aside. What did it matter that the garden looked different in the harsh brightness of day? It was still the conservatory where he had met with his future (and desired, he told himself ) bride, Evangeline. He could still hear the trickle of water from the fountain he had been standing in when he first laid eyes upon her. Max turned sharply on the path and let his feet go where his thoughts were taking them. As he approached the fountain, he heard a rustling ahead.
Could it be?
Was she here?
He moved faster, rounded the corner of the path and emerged from its shadows.
She sat in a high-backed stone bench, the wings of its sides obscuring her face from view. But he could see the length of her yellow skirts swirling about the flagstones, a toe of her leather shoe sitting against one of the surlier stone frogs edging the fountain.
Max smiled in relief, in hope, in anticipation. She came. Obviously she was as eager to meet as he, for she was there a full (he checked his pocket watch) four minutes early. Max took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair to make sure it was presentable before he ventured to speak.
"You came." His voice was filled with warmth. "I was so afraid you wouldn't be able to slip away." Max took three steps toward the bench.
And stopped dead.
"What are you doing here?" two very surprised people asked each other.
He stood stock still, while his eyes, which had been filled with such hope as he walked out from the shade of the trees, now narrowed in suspicion.
Gail—Just Gail, Brat, whomever she was—sat frozen, staring like a fox caught in his sight, and ready to bolt at any moment. Golden eyes were wide with shock, and her color pale. Although, he could attribute her pallor to her previous evening's imbibing...But this was madness! What was she doing here?
Maybe she was an apparition. The firebrand that had thrown him into a lake and thrown up on his shoes had somehow violated his thoughts and made herself formed flesh when he expected to find his darling future bride.
Obviously he was hallucinating because of lack of sleep (although he had slept quite well) or something he ate (although he only had coffee for breakfast, such was his hurry to get Evangeline's flowers). Yes, he rationalized desperately, that was it! It was the lack of food; he really should have heeded Harris's advice and eaten heartily before he left this morning...
"Uh..." came her voice. It was surprisingly rough, and shy. As if the firebrand who had scorched his ears twice before didn't know how to start a sentence. Max felt his hallucination theory deflate, as something cold ran down his spine. She was real. If she were a product of his imagination, she would have shrewishly torn him down by now.
"I live here," Gail answered his question. Her voice was stronger now, but still small.
That cold line running down his spine? He knew what it was now. Dread.
Realization dawned, a crashing spiral in the pit of his stomach.
There were two Alton daughters.
Evangeline had a sister.
"There are two of you..." he moaned, his own stupidity crashing about his ears.
"No," she said softly, a slight smile painting her full mouth, "I assure you, there's only one of me."
"But what are you doing here?" Gail, Evangeline's sister, asked. Her timid voice was fast gaining its normal strength, but without the defensive tone he was accustomed to.
"I...I, uh..." It was Max's turn to stutter. He looked everywhere about him. At the dirt around the base of the trees, at the vines overhead—anywhere but at her.
A rustling down the path saved him from answering, or looking any more the fool for stalling. Two sets of footsteps, one moving quickly, one trying to keep up, echoed through the trees. Seconds later, Romilla emerged from the shadows, followed closely by a subdued Evangeline.
She was paler than last night, but Max could guess the reasons for that—no doubt she had just come from a rather paling interview. Other than that, however, Evangeline looked exactly as she had: beautiful, demure, ethereal. The perfect Countess of Longsbowe.
Evangeline's attention did not stray to Max but was fixed on Romilla, whose normally pleasant manner was marked by a brittleness she didn't bother to hide.
"Lord Fontaine," she said immediately upon seeing the unexpected tableau before her, "I would ask that you stop meeting my daughters alone in this conservatory. Once is accidental, twice is stupidity."
Max wisely said nothing, just bowed his head.
"Gail, I'm surprised to see you out and about this morning, but I'm glad you're here."
No one moved as Romilla took a breath.
"I should like to introduce you to your future brother-in-law, Viscount Fontaine."
## Ten
"YOU were compromised? How the bloody hell did you get compromised?"
"Gail, don't swear. She'll hear you." Evangeline shushed her sister.
But Gail paid her no heed. "You didn't have time to get compromised, you were with me all night!"
Max entering her sanctuary that morning had been the embodiment of her nightmare. She had feared she would cast up accounts again, such was her shock. And he...he had looked so boyish, so hopeful. Of course, she thought grimly, all that had changed the moment he saw her.
When Romilla had arrived and, instead of berating her for drunkenness as Gail had feared, declared Max was to marry Evangeline—well, suffice to say, if Gail hadn't been sitting, she most certainly would have landed on the floor.
After the surprising announcement, Max was summoned back to the library and shut in with Sir Geoffrey. That had been this morning. It was now sunset, and Evangeline and Gail peered out the window of Evangeline's bedroom, watching the rear of Max's hack roll away down Berkeley Square.
Gail and Evangeline, on the other hand, had spent the day with Romilla, who had in turn surprised them both. There were no vehement lectures about their behavior at the ball, no vases thrown at their heads, literally or metaphorically. Gail expected to be shut in her room for at least the rest of the Season, but was bewildered when, immediately, the opposite occurred.
Once the Viscount had been ushered out of the conservatory, Romilla had turned to the girls and ordered, "You have five minutes to go upstairs, arrange yourselves, and report back to the drawing room," and swept out of the room.
The girls didn't need to be told twice. They ran up the stairs, splashed water on their faces and pinched their cheeks, checked their hair in the looking glass, and presented themselves in the drawing room exactly five minutes later, looking the bloom of health and vitality. Indeed, it was crucial that they do so, because Romilla was insistent upon taking them through the day as if nothing odd had occurred.
They visited with the callers in the drawing room, about whom they had nearly forgotten, although in truth only a quarter hour had passed since Evangeline had left.
Romilla made a great show of presenting Gail to the party, whom she claimed Evangeline had excused herself to fetch. Such a reasonable excuse was taken to heart by all present, and the party continued chatting amiably, including Gail in their circle, though she was characteristically silent.
The morning was unending. Gail glanced at the mantel clock every five seconds, and while Evangeline was a bit more subtle, she was no less aware of the time. Fortunately, the assembled party did not take notice of either girl's distraction, and soon enough Romilla skillfully ushered the guests out the front door, with promises of return visits and meeting at balls and musicales later in the week.
However, just when Gail thought she would finally have an opportunity to question, throttle, and consolingly hug her sister in turns, Romilla swept them out of the drawing room (Gail was quick to note the library doors were still shut tight), and after a change of dress, out the door.
The afternoon was spent visiting such a collection of Society ladies, their giggling daughters, and eligible sons that Gail and Evangeline barely had an opportunity to say more than three words to each other.
Only after all the calls had been paid and they returned to their house and rooms (on pretense of changing for dinner—oh, how many clothes were required to be out in London!) were Gail and Evangeline finally able to speak.
Gail spoke first and loudest.
"How on earth did you come to be compromised by him?"
Evangeline gave a deep sigh. "Well, you see...I'm afraid I gave in to a moment of, romantic...curiosity."
As Evangeline explained, Gail felt her stomach sink and her blood rise. It was her fault. If she hadn't been intoxicated, Max would never have wandered into the conservatory, never seen Evangeline...
But oh, how hypocritical was a world that thrived on gossip and then condemned its subject? That forced a girl into marriage to head off a rumor?
For a rumor had indeed gotten out. It seemed the new maid had mentioned it in passing to her friend in the laundry, who told it to the young footman she was keen on, who laughed about it with other blokes while they waited for their employers to emerge from the Alton's ball. From there it became fodder that was passed to various valets and ladies' maids to their employers, who spread it like jam on their morning toast.
By the time the Alton party had reached the residence of Lady Hurstwood at two in the afternoon, no less than three people had hinted at distorted versions of an indiscretion to Gail. Always protective and understandably confused, Gail had nearly unleashed a hot scolding on Mrs. Plimpton before Romilla's pointy shoe connected with her ankle. Then Romilla had magnificently fended off untoward questions with feigned ignorance and a smooth change of subject. Gail was not required to feign ignorance, and not one word was said to Evangeline. No, the vultures let the rumor swirl around like mist, without actually approaching its subject. And all because that loathsome Max Fontaine had forced himself on her sister!
"Gail, he didn't force himself upon me. But we were alone, and when Mrs. Bibb caught us," Evangeline sighed and pressed a hand to her temple, "I doubt it looked good. It stands to reason that people would find out somehow. It doesn't matter what did or didn't happen because the taint will exist regardless. It was actually very...very generous of Lord Fontaine to offer marriage."
"Who told you such antiquated nonsense?" Gail wanted to throttle her sister, to cry, to reverse time. Alas, there was nowhere to move but forward. "You hardly know him!"
"I agreed!" Evangeline cried. "Father called me to the library, told me the predicament, and I agreed to marry."
"You...agreed?"
"Papa offered me a choice."
"And marriage to a stranger was what you chose?" Gail nearly screeched, such was her disbelief.
"Better marriage than rejection from all society and ruining Father's career with it!" Evangeline had maintained serenity throughout the whole day, but here, alone with Gail, her calm facade cracked and fell.
"I'm sorry!" she gulped, "you're the only person who I can talk to..." As Evangeline broke down in sobs, Gail rushed to put her arms around her. Understanding dawned as tears soaked the front of her gown. Evangeline, serene, lovely Evangeline, was scared beyond measure.
"Hush now," Gail rocked her sister back and forth. "I'm sorry—I shouldn't have yelled."
"Gail, it's just..." Evangeline said between sobs, "there was moonlight last night. What if I spend the rest of my life regretting that moonlight?"
Gail smoothed her sister's hair and murmured comforting sounds, while Evangeline cried on her shoulder. When most of the sobs had subsided, Gail asked, "What do you mean? About the moonlight?"
"What if Lord Fontaine and I don't suit? You're right, I hardly know him. What if everything I was feeling was due to the moonlight and not to him? I want to love my husband, and I'm so afraid that I won't..."
Torn between a chance to belittle Max and assuage her sister's fears, Gail reluctantly but swiftly chose the latter.
Bracing her sister by the arms, she said, "Evie, listen to me. Dry your eyes. I'm sure that everything will be just fine. So you don't know him very well now. You will come to know him! You have, what did Romilla say, a month? A month before the announcement. That's plenty of time. You and Max, er, Lord Fontaine, will spend a good amount of time alone together, and..."
"No! No, Gail, I can't be alone with him!"
Gail simply stared.
"What do you mean you can't be alone with him? You're going to marry him because you were alone with him!"
"I need your help. I respect your sense and judgment above all others. I need you there so you can tell me what you think of him."
Thinking she could very well tell Evangeline what she thought of Max right now, Gail wisely held her tongue.
"Gail, just promise you'll stay with me. Please."
The imploring shine from those still wet eyes, combined with the death grip Evangeline had on her hand, told Gail that she wasn't going to be able to respectfully decline.
"For as long as you need me, I'll be there. I promise."
A promise is a promise. A gentleman is only as good as his word. These were the phrases that ran through Max's head after a day such as the victims of the Spanish Inquisition never had. Though his morning had started out full of hope, anticipation, and trailing white flowers, Max felt like a crumpled weed pulled ruthlessly out of the ground. He closed his eyes and let the carriage sway his fatigue away. That morning, when he had been escorted so adamantly out of the conservatory and into the library, he had been reeling. The only woman in the world who annoyed him beyond reason was going to be related to him through marriage. How could he have been so blind, so stupid as to not guess that Gail was Evangeline's sister? In hindsight, they did have some remarkably similar features. The shape of their eyes (although not the color) and their noses were very close. Max supposed he had been thrown off by the difference in their heights. Where Evangeline came to below his shoulder, Gail was a head taller. An easier distance from which to spit in his eye, he thought spitefully.
Max had been ushered into the library again, this time by a small, efficient-looking secretary in spectacles. Sir Geoffrey gave that man instructions to clear his schedule for the day and shut the door on the way out. Max was then left to face Sir Geoffrey, his future father-in-law, alone.
A daunting prospect, to say the least.
Sir Geoffrey was not an imposing figure in political circles for nothing. His reputation as a man of rising influence was only exceeded by his reputation for extracting information. It was whispered that he had had a surprisingly large role in Napoleon's exile to Elba, although no details could be ascertained. But it was a fact that he had been knighted shortly thereafter. No, Sir Geoffrey was known as an amiable man, but his business was his reputation. And business was good, due partly to his family's name. They might be new to the higher circles of society, but they had never been attached to any form of scandal. And now, because of Max, all that could change.
Sir Geoffrey's gaze was direct over the top of his steepled fingers. He sat at his vast mahogany desk, whose gleaming surface was free of any clutter; no obstacles sat between the hunter and his cornered prey.
The interview started off innocently enough. Sir Geoffrey asked about Max's family, his connections, and the prospects of his fortune. Max answered in polite, standard form. His mother passed on some years ago, his father is currently in London, although he spends most of his time at Longsbowe Park on the cliffs in southeast England. His family owns a half dozen estates, mostly farming properties, but yes, Longsbowe Park is the ancestral home. Yes, he attended Eton. Yes, he attended Oxford. Yes, he was fond of dogs, but not cats.
After a few hours of this, Sir Geoffrey thought enough of his guest to ask if he should like a chair.
The interview then turned far more personal, and far more uncomfortable for Max. Who are his chums? What clubs did he belong to? Are there any young ladies in his past who he's compromised as well? Did he keep a mistress, and did he intend to after the wedding? Is he certain he hadn't contracted any disease from an opera dancer or lightskirt that could come to prey on his daughter?
After a few hours of this line of questioning, Sir Geoffrey called for luncheon. His luncheon.
Max did his best to keep his composure answering these questions, and eventually, he almost found it amusing. He answered Sir Geoffrey with blunt honesty, a tack that man seemed to appreciate. Only once did Max's annoyance show—after Max had answered negative to all the lightskirt and opera dancer questions, Sir Geoffrey leaned back in his chair and asked in an astonished voice, "Well, then what on earth do you do for amusement?"
"I attack girls in conservatories," was Max's curt and unrestrained reply.
Sir Geoffrey's gaze remained steady, but narrowed over the top of his hands. For once, Max was not able to hold his eyes. Mumbling apologies, he looked away.
"Humor has its time and place. I doubt this is it," Sir Geoffrey said gruffly, leaning back into his chair. "Now, tell me about your ambitions in life."
Max looked up. "My ambitions?"
"Yes, what you wish to do, to be."
"I...I am to be an earl...I will inherit a great estate..." Max stuttered out. What did he want to be? It was a question no one had asked him before. As Max stumbled over the speech he had been programmed his entire life to say, about family duty, responsibility, and the continuation thereof, he watched a cloud descend over his future father-in-law's face.
"Young man," Sir Geoffrey interrupted him, "I asked you what you might contribute to the world—not how much of it you will own. I am a great believer that every man should be of some use. And I can't put much faith in anyone that bases their worth on that of their forebearers."
AS the hack rumbled to a stop in front of Max's nondescript lodgings, his mind was too tired to review his answers any longer. His one solace was the fact that, yes, it seemed as if Evangeline would be his bride. After the lengthy debriefing, Sir Geoffrey had outlined the whole plan for him—a social strategy devised to keep the truth hazy and the gossips at bay. To openly and honestly court his bride-to-be for a month would leave the Ton with the impression that the gossip was false, and there was nothing untoward about their relationship, and the marriage would invalidate any leftover critics. Romilla was to be complimented.
But still, a month seemed an awfully long time to wait, especially when he had his father breathing down his neck.
Max alighted from the carriage, and as if fate had read his thoughts, he saw another carriage parked in front of his red brick building. Even in the low light, the crest of Longsbowe was unmistakable on the side of the lacquered black carriage.
"From one fatherly interrogation to another," Max stated to no one in particular as he headed to the house. Harris greeted him at the door, a rushed formality about him.
"Sir! You have returned. I sent word to your club and the museum, but they came back saying you were not in attendance. May I ask where—?"
"Don't worry, Harris, I wasn't kidnapped," Max said, trying for a bit of levity, but his weariness showed through. "Actually, I was kidnapped, but never fear, I survived. Where is he?"
Harris closed the door and took his master's coat. "I was able to avoid putting him in the study this time, sir. He's in the drawing room."
Max nodded, sighed heavily, and went to face his father.
"Good gravy, young fool, what tangle have you gotten yourself into now?"
The Earl sat in Max's favorite large, deep green winged armchair closest to the fire. His walking cane leaned against the mantel, its golden handle gleaming in the firelight. The Earl was painfully hunched, but his eyes held the sparkle of the engaged mind. And the Earl's gaze was glued to his son.
"I take it you've heard," Max drawled.
"Heard? I haven't stopped hearing! There was no other topic of conversation at the club!" The Earl banged his arm on the chair.
"You went to your club?" Max asked, incredulous. "You went out of the house?"
"Well, no," the Earl admitted. "I sent Rentworth, and he reported back to me."
Max nodded. Rentworth, his father's longtime glorified servant, was actually a minor baron, and wholly loyal to the Earl. Rentworth's baronetcy allowed him into the clubs, into the music halls, and even into Almack's, from which he reported the most powerful information in London: gossip. The Earl never left his home if it could be avoided. Obviously, tonight that was not possible.
"Maximillian, this is solvable. Listen to me, sit down." The softened tone of the Earl's voice caught Max off guard, and he reflexively moved to the chair across from his father. He hesitated halfway there, but his father's imploring look had him sitting in a trice.
"No one knows it was you. The report is a tall gentleman with dark hair and green eyes was caught ravishing Sir Geoffrey's daughter."
Max was taken aback. "How, then, did you know it was me?" he asked slowly.
"Dark hair, green eyes, and the stupidity to be caught. Call it parental intuition."
Ignoring the jibe, Max was a little surprised the Earl knew the color of his eyes—but then recalled they were the same as his father's.
"Then I am shocked, Father," Max said as he leaned back in his chair, "that you think no one else will figure it out either."
The Earl waved a gnarled hand in front of him. "Bah! Londoners are remarkably dull-witted en masse. You will simply go about your regular routine, as if nothing occurred. Do not visit the Altons again, and if you run into them in society, be polite, but unfamiliar—people will never suspect you."
"It occurs to me," Max started slowly, "that if I deny my involvement, it would be exceedingly rare for me to run into the Altons out in society. They would never be allowed to associate in it."
"That, while unfortunate, is their problem."
"Their problem?" Max repeated, incredulous.
"The point is, you shouldn't be forced to marry her because of one stupid incident!" the Earl roared.
"You want me to marry!" Max exploded, nearly oversetting his chair as he stood. He descended on his father, leaning over him with shaking frustration. "You have employed blackmail to get me to marry! You were here for that conversation, weren't you? It took place right across the hall, in the study. You said, 'Get married, Max, or I'll ruin your life from beyond the grave!' And now that there is a bride on the horizon, you tell me to make a fool out of her? To refuse to marry her, to even be seen in public with her after egregiously harming her reputation? How dare you? How bloody dare you?"
"I do it because, believe it or not, I care about your future," the Earl shot back with stuttered breath. "If you require more time to search your marriage options...I'll give you another month. But this Miss Alton is obviously a harlot! A girl who gave herself up at her first ball in society? She's probably a fortune hunter! Her father's a grasping opportunist...She is obviously unworthy of the name Longsbowe!"
Max was seething. He paced, prowled the room. "She didn't 'give herself up,' damn it all—it was just one harmless kiss!"
The Earl raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.
"She is not a harlot. The incident was innocent and entirely my fault. Get that through your head, Father, right now. I am a gentleman, and it was entirely my fault."
"Then the girl is exceedingly stupid to have allowed it to happen," the Earl argued. For a weak old man, he could put up a fight when necessary. "Besides, a woman raised on the road? She's practically a gypsy. That's no life for you."
"Father, only the impracticality of disposing of your body is keeping me from patricide at the moment," Max said with a dark gleam in his eyes.
"She is not good enough for you, for Longsbowe. I have had Rentworth draw up a list of suitable ladies—Evangeline Alton is nowhere on it," the Earl said with finality.
"That's what this is about," Max said, with dawning realization. "You do not approve of Miss Alton, because you didn't choose her yourself! Well, not to worry, you have nothing to complain against. Evangeline Alton is beautiful and kind, and I happen to like her very much. Her family is wealthy—"
"Grasping nobodies—bah! Vagabonds, the lot of them, traipsing around the world!" the Earl snorted.
"Vagabonds don't tend to have an estate in Surrey and a house on Berkeley Square."
Silence reigned as the Earl's eyes searched the room, looking desperately for his next argument.
"I don't like it," he finally grumbled.
"You don't have to like it," Max stated. "I'm the one marrying her. And I will, Father. That was one of the terms of your blackmail."
"But son, I—"
"Don't call me that," Max spat out, his hurt showing. "We haven't anything in common any longer, except blood."
And with that, Max silently left the room.
THE Earl sat a while, watching the fire embers crackle in the hearth. He was too hard a man to weep, but too cut by his son's last words to not feel the cold. So, he watched the fire until it died, rose on gnarled and shaky legs, and left the house.
## Eleven
THE next morning, Max woke surprisingly sated. He had slept deeply as always, but more so because for the first time since he left Longsbowe Park, he had stood up to his father. Any wince of regret he felt at that last parting comment was quickly swallowed by the thought of his upcoming day.
Max was going to the Altons' to pay court to Evangeline. Somewhere in the mass of confusion that was yesterday, he remembered something about agreeing to a carriage ride in the park at high riding hours. This presented a problem, as he had a feeling he was expected to provide a carriage. Having his horse boarded and occasionally hiring hacks had its advantages, but impressing young ladies with his frugality was not generally among them. He would be damned, Max thought, if he would call round to Longsbowe House and take one of their carriages, especially after last night—so he turned to the next viable option. He sent a quick note off to Will, begging for the favor of his smartest conveyance, and salvation was delivered to Max's doorstep at precisely one o'clock: a shining gray open barouche, Will's best whip neatly in control of a lovely pair of matched bays. Max took a moment to question whether or not a barouche of this size was too much, but ultimately decided that as his note was nonspecific in the type of carriage, Will assumed best meant best. Besides, they could stretch out their legs.
So it was that at precisely two-thirty, Max pulled up in front of Number Seven Berkeley Square in his best afternoon coat and hat, a basket of nibbles Harris had packed personally sitting on the seat beside him.
Max alighted and was promptly admitted. He waited in the drawing room the proper number of minutes, and then ten more, before anyone came to greet him. And even then, it was not the lady he had come to see.
It was Lady Alton.
"Lord Fontaine," Romilla said, giving a cool nod as a greeting.
Max gave a deep bow and replied in kind.
"I should like to lay some ground rules before my daughters come downstairs."
The plural of "daughters" caught Max's interest, but he ignored it, wisely remaining silent.
"When you are in public with Evangeline, you are to be polite and attentive, but never overbearing. Never are you to attempt to even grasp her hand, beyond assisting her into and alighting from the carriage. Luckily, I will be on hand to keep things proper, and—"
"Excuse me, madam?" Max couldn't help but interrupt. "You are attending the carriage ride today?"
"Yes, of course. Abigail will be riding with us as well. Not just today, either. A family member will be present at all times you and Evangeline are in public together—a maid will not suffice. What good is your appearing in each other's company if it is not known to be sanctified by her family?" Romilla said, waving her hands about as she spoke, as if dismissing bothersome insects. Max's teeth started to grind. Not for the first time, the niggling question echoed in his head: What had he gotten himself into?
"I thought, madam, that the purpose might have been the opportunity for Evangeline and I to get to know one another more intimately."
Romilla's face hardened. "Yes, well, I'd say you already know her intimately enough."
Max had to admit, he had walked right into that one.
"And another thing, my Lord—I noticed your carriage in the drive. A lovely vehicle to be sure, and I'm very pleased it will seat us all—so Abigail and I will not have to follow in our carriage—but not your own, am I correct? Please from now on, would you be so kind as to bring your own carriage? To be seen under the crest of Longsbowe would go a good distance in solidifying to the public eye the respectability of your intent."
"Madam, I do not have a carriage," Max said with deceptive calm.
Romilla blinked. "Of course you do. Longsbowe House has quite the stableyard."
"Lady Alton," Max answered, "the Longsbowe stables belong to my father. I personally own one horse, and he is boarded near my lodgings, which I rent."
Romilla placed her hands on her hips, frustrated. "Would your father begrudge you the use of his stables?"
"No, but—"
"Then next time you take us for a ride in the park, borrow a carriage from your father."
"Respectfully, madam, I will not. My father and I—"
"Lord Fontaine!" Romilla interrupted. The frustration purpled her face, but she took a deep breath, calming herself before she spoke again.
"This is an unusual situation for us all," she sighed, tired already. "I apologize if my instructions seem rude, but truth be told, we don't know you, and what we know of you so far doesn't necessarily make us inclined to trust you. Understand that everything, everything, that I am attempting to do today and in the future is to protect my daughter and family. Someday soon, I hope to be able to chat amiably with you, to respect you, even to like you. But for now, I have to ask you to bend a little and go along with what I ask."
It was an honest appeal—something Max encountered all too rarely. He could appreciate that, he thought, even if he didn't like what it asked him to do.
"I'm sure I'll find a way to accommodate us both, ma'am," Max said, meaning it, and bowing.
The hard lines of Romilla's face broke into a smile for the first time that afternoon, just as the drawing room doors opened again, admitting the Alton sisters. Evangeline was in the lead, breathtakingly beautiful in a pink day dress and carriage coat of deeper rose, but her cheeks did not pick up the color. She was pale and kept her sparkling blue eyes downcast. If one didn't know better, it seemed as if she were nervous, even scared.
Gail Alton stood behind her, closest to the door, her golden gaze direct, if expressionless. She was studying him, he realized. And Evangeline was avoiding him. Somehow, Max thought, those roles should be reversed.
Realizing perhaps he shouldn't be staring, or if he did, he should limit his sightline to his intended, Max bowed, murmuring his greetings. Evangeline and Gail both curtsied, replying in kind. They rose.
And...no one said a word.
"Well," Romilla broke the silence, perhaps a bit too brightly, "we should be off then. Evangeline, Lord Fontaine has the loveliest barouche awaiting us, and I cannot wait to be out in the fresh air today."
Max glanced out the window. The sky was slate gray, and London air was rarely described as "fresh"—too much coal dust floated over the city. As he turned back, he caught a glimpse of Gail turning her eyes back from the window, too. He could guess that her thoughts were similar to his own, and a small wry smile escaped his lips.
They went into the foyer, and Max retrieved his articles from the butler, while the ladies pulled on their bonnets and gloves.
Suddenly, a small ripping noise broke the silence as they just stepped outside the door.
"Oh drat," Evangeline's sweet breathless voice filled the air. "It seems I rent my glove," she said, a slight frown lining her brow.
"Oh dear," Romilla sighed and went to examine the damaged garment. The seam connecting the thumb to the palm of the glove had split.
"At least it's repairable. Run upstairs and put on another pair, quickly dear."
"I'm afraid this is my last pair of white gloves"—Evangeline lowered her voice discreetly—"today is laundry day. The rest are in the wash."
"Borrow some of Gail's, then," Romilla quickly suggested.
"I apologize, ma'am," Gail interjected, "but I'm fresh out, too. Indeed, Mrs. Bibb made certain we had these for our outing today—but all our other things are being cleaned."
"Besides," Evangeline added, "Gail's gloves are too large for me."
Romilla sighed, and rolled her eyes to the heavens, as if bargaining with God to get her through the afternoon. "All right. Evangeline, come with me, I'll find you something from my wardrobe. Lord Fontaine, Gail—we'll be back shortly." And they went back into the house, leaving Gail and Max alone on steps.
Shocked by the sudden advent of Gail's sole company, Max slid his eyes to his companion, to gauge if her reaction was similar.
Gail, in turn, slid her eyes to Max.
Quickly, they both looked away.
It was acutely uncomfortable.
Max crossed his arms over his chest, looking around at the stone steps, the potted urns of early spring flowers that flanked the door, his shoes, anything was safer than Gail. Likewise, Gail kept her gaze straight ahead into the park square.
Well, someone would have to venture some sort of conversation, Max decided, and it might as well be him.
"What I don't understand is why your stepmother is so adamant that I not be alone with your sister, and yet, here I stand, alone with you."
"But we're not alone," she answered without any inflection.
"We're not? I could have sworn only you and I stood here. Did you bring along an imaginary friend?" he said mockingly.
Gail slid him a wry glance, but kept her head straight. "Right now, there are a dozen eyes on us. The Pickerings in Number Eight are twitching back the curtains. Indeed, there are more people watching us now than were watching us at the ball."
Max's head came up involuntarily, immediately looking toward Number Eight, and saw the curtains mysteriously swing back into place as he turned his head.
"We're being spied on?"
"I have it on good authority that in London spying is what people do," Gail said, finally turning her head to look at him. A slight smile played at the corners of her mouth, as if she were mocking him—but for once, he didn't mind. She seemed less frightening, less confrontational. She was just as tall, her back ramrod straight, and yet she was smaller somehow. Maybe because she wasn't drunk or as mad as a soaking wet hen.
"Speaking of that night at the ball..." Max started. He looked to Gail who kept her face schooled in impassivity. He coughed and sputtered a little and started again. "Yes—ahem—while we're on the subject...the ball."
Gail froze—but as she really wasn't moving to begin with, it was quite imperceptible.
"The ball," she repeated.
"Far be it from me to instruct you on the ways of proper conduct..." Max said, in his most imperious tone—the one that always worked for his father.
"Yes, it would be very far from you to instruct me on proper conduct," Gail noted dryly.
Max felt the heat rise to his cheeks and glowered to hide his blush.
"Perhaps you should take more care of who you have fetch your drinks—and being lured into dark corners and...and lecherous men with only one thing on their minds."
Now was Gail's turn to blush and glower.
He saw her eyes narrow, her shoulders hunch as if ready to pounce. He could see the scathing she would give him, held just behind her voice. But she held her tongue.
Max smirked. She was trying so hard to hold back, he realized, for the sake of propriety. And yet all she wanted to do was brain him with her reticule—her fingers twitched on the strings.
A little demon on his shoulder told him to prod her further.
"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?"
As if those were the magic words that opened the gates to her opinion, Gail turned to him, eyes flashing, mouth quirked in a predatory twist. He was all too aware of the intensity of her golden gaze (and the little lurch of anticipation his stomach gave at encountering it) when he saw her pull back. Rein in.
Taking a deep breath, she spoke.
"Thank you."
He blinked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said, 'Thank you.' I was veering toward disaster that night, and you came to my rescue. You also held your tongue, when you could have told my parents or any number of your acquaintances, who would have no doubt delighted in a morsel of gossip. I appreciate your reticence. Given our previous encounter, I would have preferred anyone else in the world to witness my, er, state. However, it was you, Max. So I say thank you."
Max leaned back against the door, all of the ready engagement he had brewing diffused. Disarmed.
Well, that was no fun.
"Oh," he mumbled. "Don't mention it."
Silence took over for a moment as Max went back to crossing and uncrossing his arms and looking at his toes. He was just beginning to bear the quiet, leaning back against the door, wondering just how long it took to fetch a silly glove, when Gail opened her mouth.
"It does beg the question, however," she said.
"What question?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
Max's eyebrow went up. "I beg your pardon?"
"You keep begging my pardon, and really, I'm not inclined to give it. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"For what?"
"For being caught kissing my sister in my conservatory!" Gail hissed, trying not to be overheard. Max couldn't see any potential eavesdroppers, but sound had the annoying habit of carrying to all too-interested ears.
"You are the most hypocritical man I ever met," she continued. "You take me to task for being preyed upon and then go and prey upon my sister! You went from being the rescuer of one to the seducer of the other, in the span of a quarter hour!"
"My actions, regarding your sister," Max said slowly, his voice cold as steel, "are none of your business, Brat."
"My sister, my conservatory," Gail countered. "My family. I'd count myself as an interested party."
"Miss Alton," Max said, turning to her, his shoulder leaning against the door in a relaxed pose of false calm, "I'm not answerable to you."
"No, Max, you're not, sadly. Are you answerable to anyone? Is there anyone in this world who keeps you and your tremendous ego in check?" Gail looked into his face, and he was surprised to see the beginnings of real tears. "How could you? How could you? You are no better than Ommersley, getting a girl alone and then forcing your intentions on her! And you can't deny it."
"Of course I can deny it! I didn't prey on you, did I?" Max said, perhaps more loudly than was proper, causing Gail to stare him into silence.
"But you don't like me, Max. I cast up the contents of my stomach on your shoes. Preying on me was probably repulsive, even to an unethical blackguard like you."
An image of the way Gail had looked that night drifted across Max's mind. Bleary eyed, tipsy, and eventually covered in vomit. Not at all appealing.
And yet, that had been an awfully fetching yellow dress.
"Why did you have to prey on my family?" Gail asked in a furious whisper, eyes gleaming. "Why couldn't you leave us alone? Sometimes you really are a..."
She managed to stop herself, but not the tears. Max was caught by those watery golden brown eyes, stoically fighting as one glistening tear lazily rolled its way down her flushed cheek.
He felt all the air leave his body. She was right—somewhat. He had blithely tripped into her family for his own reasons. He had sat through an uncomfortable interview with the father, and the stepmother, but until he encountered Gail's frustration and anger, Max hadn't really considered how his actions had affected this family. And here he'd stood on the steps, playfully snide and superior, prodding Gail into tears.
Sometimes, he really was a—
Suddenly, the door that supported most of his weight opened.
Luckily, he managed to catch himself on a nearby urn before falling completely, but he did make a few stumbling steps that Romilla looked upon most disapprovingly.
As both ladies emerged into the bleak afternoon daylight, gloves on and intact, Romilla gave a great smile. "Well," she said, false cheer in place, "shall we be off, then?"
IF it was thought the excursion had started off badly, the carriage ride itself could only be classified as a complete disaster.
Not outwardly of course—Romilla, a master at keeping up appearances, had made certain that they looked happy and jovial to anyone spying from afar. But if anyone had gotten close enough to read the subtleties, they would have come to realize one truth: No one here was having any fun.
Part of the reason, nay, the whole of the reason people rode in the park in the afternoons was that it was terribly fashionable. Gentlemen were there to look at the Young Ladies. Young Ladies were there to catch the eye of the Gentlemen and make themselves known to the many Matrons that ruled the Ton. The Matrons were there to ensure that no one faltered on the steps of the social ladder, and if they did, to be able to claim themselves an eyewitness to the occasion. Exercise was secondary.
The Alton/Fontaine party was no different, however much one or another of its occupants wished to be riding freely at a gallop on their own horse. Even in this unremarkable and somewhat chilly weather, the mass of fashionability turned out in fine style, crowding the neatly graveled paths and rolling lawns of Hyde Park. Gentlemen on fine horses, many of whom had more prestigious breeding than their owners, flanked carriages with ladies lounging in the seats. Lord Fontaine's carriage joined the unofficial queue of people dancing attendance on each other.
They smiled and nodded to Lord and Lady Garrett and the Pickerings, who giggled as they passed by. Mr. and Mrs. Fortings waved coolly as they went along, and several gentlemen greeted them genially. Indeed, from afar, it all looked so very amiable.
However, the insidious rumors had reached more and more ears in the past day, and the Ton was getting more and more curious.
Some of the gentlemen who stopped at the barouche's side were either complete rakes sensing easy prey or young bucks trying to earn dissolute reputations. Some people simply passed by with their noses in the air. Lady Hurstwood gave Lord Fontaine the most suspicious glance as she chatted with Evangeline. She had gone so far as to hint at the notion of a wedding, but out of necessity, not romance. Romilla had, of course, handled such inquisitions smoothly, until she had the opportunity to chat with Lady Jersey.
Lady Jersey was one of the leading matrons of the Ton. She and a handful of other ladies held supreme social power because they held all the vouchers for Almack's. Without a voucher, a young lady might just as well go home for the Season and quietly cry in the corner, such were her chances for social success. Most of these matrons were narrow-mindedly pompous, prudishly strict individuals who believed unequivocally in their own rightness. Lady Jersey was no different—but, perhaps, the nicest of the lot.
"Lady Alton. I must congratulate you on your ball the other evening," Lady Jersey began after being hailed by Romilla, her pair of horses coming to a smart halt at the lightest flick of her wrist. "It was not lacking in interesting events, I understand."
Romilla wisely ignored the bait. "Thank you, Lady Jersey, I'm so glad you enjoyed it."
"I daresay I wasn't the only one," Lady Jersey continued, her eyes flitting to Lord Fontaine, as Gail and Evangeline exchanged quick looks.
Romilla cleared her throat and dared the next sentence. "Lady Jersey, are you acquainted with Lord Fontaine?"
Lady Jersey looked at Max, quirked her eyebrow, and extended her hand. "Lord Fontaine and I have never met, although I have seen you at several functions around town."
"Of course," Max answered smoothly. "Your servant, ma'am."
She nodded, regarded him a moment, and then asked, "Do you attend Almack's, my Lord?"
"But rarely, ma'am. I haven't had much cause to go until recently."
"Yes, of course. Few young gentlemen attend until they meet a lady worth pursuing there," Lady Jersey said coolly, but politely.
"Perhaps you'll see more of me then." Max smiled charmingly, and Lady Jersey responded in kind.
Romilla took advantage of the easier interaction Max had provided and took the next step. "Lady Jersey, I do hope that we may call upon you later in the week, I so admired the facade of your home."
Max knew Lady Jersey lived just across Berkeley Square, and therefore was required to maintain a neighborly connection with the Altons. But she could so easily say no. No one could be blind to Romilla's motivation, least of all Lady Jersey: vouchers for Almack's. Max saw Romilla catch her breath, Evangeline go white under her placid smile, and Gail raise a curious eyebrow, as Lady Jersey took a long probing look at their party. Finally, she smiled again, albeit thinly.
"We'll see," was all she said, before conveniently seeing that she was being hailed by another carriage and took her leave.
Romilla's face was impassive as stone, but her eyes flashed with intensity and anticipation. This was war, socially speaking, and she was ready to face down all the challenges. But she smothered the look so quickly, if Max had blinked he would have missed it.
And so it went on. Everyone that stopped by the carriage gave cordial greetings to Romilla, smiling warmly at Evangeline and acknowledging she looked particularly well, with sly looks toward Max. Everyone got a good look at Max riding with the Alton girls and under the supervision and approval of the stepmother. However, Max noted no one said much to Gail. Odd, that. She was irritating for certain, but she also had obvious intelligence, a keen and ripe sense of humor, and was pretty, in a manner. But no one looked her way.
The Fontaine/Alton party soon left Rotten Row, and made their way at a brisk pace around the park, far enough from the main roads, but still in sighting distance of those who made it their business to watch. They were now free to converse openly, although Romilla instructed everyone to keep a congenial look or smile on his or her face the whole ride.
Once they were able to speak freely, however, a problem arose. No one had anything to say.
Oh, Romilla tried to engage in conversation. She started by noting, however sarcastically, how polite Lady Jersey had been and how nice the Pickering girls looked in their matching habits, adding that no one will ever be able to tell them apart until they start making use of their differences. She even tried to draw Max and Evangeline into a dialogue by discussing plans for the next few days and evenings, but to no avail.
Max's mind was curiously drawn to his earlier behavior toward Gail and gave short answers. Evangeline's answers were even shorter. She kept her eyes down and over, anywhere but on the three other people in the carriage.
Romilla finally gave up on her social graces and gave Max a solid kick on the toe to get him to talk.
And he did, once he realized through Romilla's remarkably pointy shoe that, as their de facto host, the burden of conversation was rightly on his shoulders. He tried to think of anything to say to Evangeline—but found his mouth dry and his mind blank. What to say? What were her interests? He couldn't even move to touch her hand under Romilla's watchful eye, and he certainly couldn't mention their previous meeting in range of her attentive ear.
And of course, there was the added presence of Gail.
How did he court Evangeline with the irksome sister always watching, her sharp eyes and wit on hand and ready to slay him down to size? She would smirk and say something smart, and it would hit him dead in the chest.
Then again, Gail had barely said a word since her nearly tearful speech on the doorstep. She had observed his and Romilla's attempts at conversation, but never entered it, nor, he noted, had she been invited.
Hard to think this hellcat would wait for an invitation. But if he didn't know better, he'd think Gail was rather...subdued.
Her sister wasn't fairing much better. Max had tried subjects he thought might pique her interest. Fashion, the countryside, music.
"What did you think of Mrs. Reed's latest Gothic novel?"
"I'm sorry, I haven't read it."
"What's your opinion of the tragedy in Norfolk?"
"It's, ah, terribly tragic, indeed."
"Do you enjoy being back in England?"
"Very much, my Lord."
None of her answers were snappish; they were simply short—as if she couldn't think of a thing to say, either.
Nerves, it seemed, had overtaken the whole carriage.
Victuals that had been packed in a basket were opened in the hopes everyone would comment on the food, but no one was hungry.
After a turn and a half round the park, they admitted defeat. They waved good-bye to the afternoon riders they passed and returned to Number Seven Berkeley Square in silence.
AS Max escorted the ladies to the door, Romilla turned and asked him to stay for dinner.
It was an order, not a request, but Max couldn't think of anything he cared to avoid more. Claiming a previous engagement, Max made his regrets and promised to call in the morning. He bowed to Romilla and then turned to his intended. Evangeline looked frailly beautiful, but was still appallingly silent. She seemed outwardly serene, but had a death grip on her sister's hand.
He looked at that hand, holding on to Gail's as if she derived all her strength from that connection. Evangeline was acutely uncomfortable, and Gail was the only thing holding her together. Funny, Max mused. Given that on his previous meetings with Gail she had been a complete mess, he would have thought Evangeline the stronger of the two.
Max bowed to her, but dared not try to kiss her hand. As he took his leave of the Alton ladies and rode down the street, he reviewed the atrocious afternoon in his head.
Although Romilla's presence had done a great deal to stable their connection socially, it did nothing to help it grow. Indeed, a parent's presence could cause any growing tendresse to falter.
Gail's presence didn't help either.
What he needed was a way to rid himself of Romilla and Gail for the duration of the courtship. Then, the image of Evangeline's hand securely in Gail's flashed into Max's mind. Evangeline would probably want her sister there, at least for a bit, for her own peace of mind, even if it meant he would have to face her. Romilla's earlier dictate was that there always be at least one family member present. Gail was marginally the lesser of two evils, but he would at least need a way to distract her—and maybe keep her obnoxious comments away from him.
Max made a decision, and a sharp turn off his intended path.
He needed help.
He needed a friend.
## Twelve
"GOOD God, Fontaine, can't you even court a girl on your own anymore?" Will rolled his eyes as he and Max walked up the steps to Number Seven. It was the next morning, and they were late for tea. Romilla would surely have his head.
"I just need the opportunity to talk with Miss Alton on my own," Max pleaded as he knocked on the door. "With you there, the stepmother won't need to be present all the time, and the sister—well, maybe she'll be less bothersome."
Will guffawed as he straightened his cravat. "Let me get this straight," he said, "you want me to give up any personal pursuits I may have for the next month, which will severely ruin my chances with any lady for the rest of the Season, and follow you and your intended around, just so you can avoid the stepmother. And on top of that, you want me to be saddled with the task of entertaining the bothersome sister? Goodness, Fontaine, this just sounds more and more appealing."
Max rubbed his temples. It was far too early in the morning. "Are you trying to make my life harder?"
"Every chance I get." Will smiled. "But not to worry. I'll do my best to keep the toothless, haggard, bothersome bluestocking sister away from you and your lovely intended. But you'll owe me."
"She's not haggard, or toothless," Max protested. "Actually, she's..." but before he could argue any further, the door opened, and they were admitted to Number Seven.
NOT an hour before Max raised his fist to knock on the door, two very tired girls had descended the staircase in Number Seven. After they were deposited back from their carriage ride the previous afternoon, they had once again been swept about London on the orders of their stepmother. While Max had scurried out the door as quickly as his legs would carry him, the Altons had quite the evening in front of them. It took an hour at least for each girl to dress, while Polly ran frantically between the two rooms as she assisted the young ladies. And, of course, it was impossible to get a word in edgewise with Romilla lecturing on the need to be happy and cheerful that evening. She went through, once again, the Dos and Don'ts of public behavior (Do stay in the ballroom, Don't be caught kissing a man in the conservatory) then gathered up her husband, and the whole party headed out.
After Lady Carmichael's rout, they went to the Quayles', and then on to another at the Rutherfords', who were very old friends of Sir Geoffrey's. The family did not return to Number Seven until three in the morning, and finally, the girls were able to speak on their own.
In her dressing gown, Evangeline snuck into Gail's room after their parents had said their goodnights. This was the first chance they had to chat privately, and Gail was not one to misuse it. She plunged right in.
"Evie, what was that?" Gail asked immediately.
"What was what?" Evangeline evaded.
"This afternoon! You were hoping I wouldn't remember back that far, weren't you? Well, I remember the grip you had on my hand—I nearly bruised from it."
Gail made room on the bed for Evangeline, who curled up in a ball, knees to her chest.
"I was just so nervous! I couldn't think of a thing to say that wouldn't make me sound like a complete twit, so I ended up saying nothing—"
"And not surprisingly, sounded like a complete twit," Gail finished for her. Evangeline held her head in her hands.
"You get away with saying nothing all the time!" Evangeline sighed. "It was awful, wasn't it? Romilla was staring at me the whole time, making small talk, trying to get Lord Fontaine and me to speak. She even kicked me on the toe once. Honestly, Gail, I don't think I can ever face him again."
"Really?" Gail said, her hope too abundant to be disguised.
"Gail! Could you try to be nice? You shot Lord Fontaine daggers all afternoon, when you bothered to look at him. He's a very amiable gentleman. I think." Worry creased Evangeline's brow. Gail could read her thoughts—if her sister and her intended were always at odds, it would tear her apart inside.
"I'm sorry. This is difficult for us all," Gail spoke carefully. "I don't like this situation, and he is very much responsible for it."
"Only in part. I was there, too," Evangeline intoned seriously.
"I just think it's all wrong. And he's wrong for you," Gail said, in nearly a whisper.
Evangeline rose from the bed and stood by the window. The full force of Evangeline's beauty hit Gail, as it did from time to time. She loved her sister with the whole of her heart, and would never begrudge her a thing—after all, it's not as if Evie asked to be made beautiful—but there were times that Gail couldn't help but feel a twinge of envy. Why couldn't her mouth tilt in just that way, or the line of her shoulder be that graceful? Oh, to be so lovely, so admired!
But tonight, that beautiful face wore an expression of seriousness, determination, and a hint of sadness. Before Gail could ask what was wrong, Evangeline turned from the window, framed in the silver glow of the waning moon.
"I agreed to it. I'm going to marry him," she said quietly.
That sentence settled in the room, its gravity rendered truth by Evangeline's face.
"I know," Gail responded quietly.
"Can you try to like him?"
"Yes. I will. I'll try," Gail said.
"Good, because I need your help!" Relief washed over her face. "I would like to have a conversation with the man I'm to marry, without stuttering or blushing!"
"And you ask me to help you?" Gail repeated incredulously. "Dearest Evie, I do nothing but blush and stutter in public!"
"Oh, why is this so difficult? 'The tragedy in Norfolk is tragic?' How insipid I must have sounded! Normally, I'm, well, quite good at talking to gentlemen." Gail nodded in agreement as Evangeline continued, "But I have no idea what to say to Lord Fontaine. I have no idea how to make him smile, what his interests are, anything!" Evangeline flopped herself back down on the bed.
"Well then, you should ask him," Gail replied. She rubbed her chin thoughtfully for a moment, and clicked her fingernail against her front teeth. "You know," she mused, "Romilla is right about one thing."
Evangeline had the grace to look only slightly dubious.
"She has a plan. She is prepared with what we are doing, where we are going, who we will see, and has several topics of conversation at the ready—at all times!"
"Yes, she does have a plan," Evangeline considered, "but I can't let her take the lead in this. You saw today, both Lord Fontaine and I were rendered mute by her attendance. Apparently, having a parent present is not conducive to open courting."
"Then we must find some way for her to leave you two be. I know, I'll have some small wardrobe crisis and drag her off to the modiste's—"
"No!" Evangeline interrupted. "No, I can't have you leave, too. I want Romilla's presence removed, but I cannot be left alone with Lord Fontaine. If we were found alone together again it would cause a scandal in full force—not this little trickle of rumors that's happening now."
"I shouldn't imagine it will be a problem if you don't kiss him," Gail needled, but at the petulant frown on her sister's face, she acquiesced.
"Evie, don't fret. I'll stay with you," Gail said, reaching out to cover her sister's hand with her own. "Let me worry about Romilla, I'll find some way to make her vanish."
"And I'll make a list!" Evie cried triumphantly.
"A list?"
"A list of the questions I wish to ask Lord Fontaine. Just for reference. It's what Father would do. 'Go into situations with as much information as possible,' isn't that what he always says? It also has the added benefit of being conversation."
Although Gail was supremely skeptical about the idea of a list, she did think such a task would help put Evie at ease, and so walked to her writing desk and pulled a fresh piece of paper, quill, and ink. "Good idea," she said, handing the items to Evangeline. "Start with 'what makes you smile?'"
They stayed up until dawn broke against the windows, plotting ways to rid them of Romilla and writing questions to ask Max. "Give an account of the first time you fell off your horse," was particularly amusing to Gail. Evangeline's favorite was "Have you ever engaged in acts of piracy?" Evangeline had a strange fascination with pirates. However, the night's strategizing took its toll—hence the two very tired ladies descending the staircase the next morning at ten.
By the social world's clock, they were up and about remarkably early. By Romilla's standards, however, they were layabouts. Their stepmother met them in the drawing room, already deeply immersed in her morning correspondence, household accounts, and social schedule for the next several days.
"Girls, about time you were up. I've been revising our itinerary. Now, due to some unfortunate circumstances"—Romilla's eyes hardened—"we have not received the expected invitations to the Hurstwood party at Vauxhall." She faltered, then tried for brightness. "But we have half a dozen others." The set of Romilla's mouth told them that this was the first major slight they had received, and probably wouldn't be the last. "However, today, I need you both at your absolute most sparkling and pristine. Evangeline, later this afternoon we are going to call on the Garretts and Lady Jersey. Wear your blue walking dress with the light blue pelisse and be ready for some inopportune questions—she is a shrewd woman. Just laugh them off or act as if you have no idea what she's alluding to. Abigail...try to smile at least. And let me do the talking."
Gail wryly thought that Romilla never did anything but talk, but luckily caught herself before saying it aloud, embarrassed at her unkindness. Romilla moved about the room, speaking with her hands so expressively, Gail almost mistook her for Portuguese. Well, Lisbon was where father had met Romilla, after all; it wasn't surprising that she had picked up a few non-English habits.
Gail's musings were interrupted when Romilla said, "And I expect Lord Fontaine to arrive at any moment for his morning visit."
'"Lord Fontaine?" Gail queried. "Already?" She had not thought to expect him until the next day. After all, they wouldn't want him to seem too attentive, would they? Surely, Evangeline needed more time to prepare.
"Well, of course. He said he would call today. Hopefully we will have some other gentlemen callers to divide our attention a bit. It was rather overwhelming, just the three of us and him yesterday wasn't it, but I fear..." Romilla paused for breath, and for the first time, Gail could see the cracks in her stepmother, the doubts seeping in.
"Well! We'll just have to see," she said brightly, smiling at the girls. Evangeline must have noted Romilla's distress as well, for she gave herself a little shake and offered Romilla a smile.
"Of course," she said. "I danced with a number of gentlemen last evening, and all were so agreeable. I wouldn't be surprised if half a dozen men turned up on our doorstep with flowers for Gail, for she has been catching some eyes, too."
Gail nearly snorted. Last night at the Carmichaels', she had barely moved from her position by the punch table.
"Tell me, Mother," Evangeline continued. "Do you think this dress will do? I do so hope to look nice for the Viscount." Evangeline pirouetted in her fitted gown, the color of green apples. It had mid-length sleeves, and the full skirt, covered in a gauzy white chambray, fell in beautiful folds to the floor. Romilla complimented the dress and asked to see how the shoes they had ordered to match fit. The conversation continued, Evangeline successful in switching topics to one their stepmother could engage in without fear or hesitation. Say what you will about Romilla, Gail thought as she excused herself for a moment to find Mrs. Bibb, but no one could fault her taste in, or enthusiasm for, clothes.
LATER, while waiting in the drawing room, Gail's stomach grumbled. The breakfast room had been cleared already, keeping with Romilla's odd schedule. Over the past six months, Gail and Evangeline had learned that if they wanted breakfast, they would have to be up and about early. Sometimes however, sleep was just too precious. Luckily, Romilla's habit of mid-morning tea, and a few of Mrs. Bibb's fantastic scones would stave off Gail's growing hunger.
She had just buttered one of those deliciously steaming confections when Lord Fontaine was announced, along with an unexpected guest.
"Lord Fontaine and Mr. William Holt," Morrison's voice boomed out, as he admitted the two gentlemen to the drawing room. Romilla quickly shot a reproachful look at Gail, who reluctantly put down the hot, buttery raspberry scone and rose to greet their guests.
The new gentleman Max had brought looked to be very amiable. His countenance was pleasing, blond shining hair and smiling blue eyes, and he held himself as a man who took joy in every aspect of his life. The contrast to Max was startling. His shoulders were as strong as his friend's, but Max looked as if he carried the weight of the world and didn't quite know what to do with it. His dark hair was windswept, and his cool green eyes took in the whole room, a raven's gaze that momentarily locked with hers. Gail looked away quickly, not wanting to be caught staring. She was surprised by the little spiral of awareness that went down her spine. Very surprised.
"Lord Fontaine!" Romilla exclaimed. "How lovely to see you. You're just in time for tea."
Max and Will took in the full tea service and the tiers of pastry and sandwiches. In their minds, it was still breakfast time. "Tea, madam?"
"Yes, we serve tea at half past ten in this house," Romilla answered. "I see you brought a friend. Mr. Holt, it's good to see you again."
"My pleasure, ma'am. I enjoyed your party last week. Quite the loveliest affair."
Romilla fluttered prettily at the compliment, her manner warming to accept the new addition.
The gentlemen sat, more than eager to take part in some mid-morning victuals. They were male after all, Gail thought, so food was always a welcome sight. Gail reached for her own abandoned scone, but a quick glance from Romilla stopped her from indulging in such a messy treat in front of the gentlemen.
"Tell me, Mr. Holt, how is it you came to be friends with Lord Fontaine?" Romilla began, taking the lead, as she had yesterday. Gail feared that she would talk over them again, but Mr. Holt seemed able to hold his own in any conversation. He smiled easily and launched into stories of two mischievous youths, growing up on the Bristol coastline. He told of boyish adventures, tree climbing, playing in the woods—tame stories that satisfied the party's need for conversation, but were obviously only shadows of the actual exploits.
Twenty minutes passed, without anyone but Romilla and Mr. Holt speaking. Occasional questions were directed toward Evangeline, so she had to pay attention, smiling and nodding when appropriate, but Gail had nearly nodded off while sitting upright. Only a discreet pinch from Evangeline kept her from slumping to sleep.
One of the maids entered to clear the remains of the tea tray, and Gail looked wistfully as she took away her now cool, uneaten scone. Romilla's voice was becoming raspy from carrying the weight of conversation, and a shared look between Gail and Evangeline cemented the need to put their plan into action.
The maid who had been clearing up the tea service was given a quick wink—the signal had been sent. She, in return, gave an almost imperceptible nod, and just as silently gathered the rest of the cups and saucers and left the room.
Two minutes later, a beautifully anguished shriek rent the air. Romilla stood up so quickly, she overturned the small stool near her left foot.
"What on earth...?" she said as she trotted to the door. Mrs. Bibb opened the drawing room door before Romilla could, nearly braining her mistress in the process. Luckily, they both had reflexes enough to stop before any further pratfall could occur.
"Oh, Milady!" Mrs. Bibb said, breathless. "Might I have your presence in the kitchens? There's been an emergency."
Before Romilla could protest, Mrs. Bibb had taken off down the hall again. Romilla, torn between her duties to her house and the need to chaperone the girls, hesitated for two seconds, indecision showing on her face.
"Girls, I won't be but a moment. Please keep our guests entertained," she said, and ran down the hall after Mrs. Bibb, making certain to leave the drawing room doors open, lending at least some propriety to the situation.
The party had risen from their seats when Romilla had excused herself. Now they all held their breaths.
It was Max who broke the silence.
"She'll be back shortly, I presume."
A quick mischievous glance between Gail and Evangeline did not go unnoticed by their guests.
"Or perhaps not..." Max said, an eyebrow rising.
"I doubt she'll be back for at least an hour." Evangeline sat, waving for the others to follow her example.
"A problem in the kitchen will take an hour to rectify?" Will frowned as he took his seat. "I do hope it's nothing serious."
"Oh no! It isn't dire!" Evangeline exclaimed. She turned to her sister. "I think Gail could best explain."
Gail froze. She hadn't expected...she didn't think...She looked at the three faces focusing attention all on her: encouraging Evangeline, curious Mr. Holt, and a highly skeptical Lord Max Fontaine. He looked as if he couldn't believe that Gail could or would plan anything properly. Her eyes narrowed.
"Well, the difficulty in the kitchen is that tonight's supper has gone completely awry, as I suspect a dog from the street has snuck in and stolen the joint of beef. It takes time to restructure an entire meal, arranging sauces and side dishes to go with whatever Mrs. Bibb can get at the market at such an hour. Up to, oh, twenty minutes to rearrange. Then I'm afraid my stepmother will discover a problem in the hedgerow in front of the house—the very same rogue dog dug up the beautiful crocuses she had specifically ordered and placed in a widening flow by the daffodils. Seeing to the reordering of flowers and new planting design will have to be done immediately—she would never let such a thing sit. It will take another twenty minutes at least. Then of course there is a very important letter of correspondence that has gone missing from her desk."
"Rogue dog, again?" Will asked.
"Not to worry. It should turn up in another twenty minutes. All added, Romilla will be unfortunately entangled in domestic problems for at least an hour," Gail concluded, her cheeks tinged with red at admitting all their deeds.
Max and Will looked at each other, clearly impressed.
"When did you have time to, er, come across this stray dog?" Will asked, the corners of his lips twitching.
"This morning. Gail asked Mrs. Bibb to, ah, keep an eye out for such a beast," Evangeline answered.
Max grinned in spite of himself. Soon enough, a small chuckle escaped.
"Well," he said gruffly, "uh, that's very interesting."
"Yes, interesting!" Will exclaimed. "So much so, that I think someone deserves a gift for such an interesting occurrence."
Will reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a bulbous handkerchief. He unwrapped it, and held out a raspberry scone.
Gail gasped with unexpected pleasure, smiling brilliantly at Will. So focused was she on her treat, she didn't see Max's brow crease into a scowl.
AS it turned out, Gail and Evangeline's elaborate schemes were to be unnecessary.
Romilla was exasperated. First, Mrs. Bibb and Cook insisted a dog had run into the kitchen and stolen the joint of beef that had been planned for dinner. If it hadn't been Mrs. Bibb making the claim, Romilla would have suspected foul play. Next, that same dog (which no one had been able to catch) had torn up the beautiful purple crocuses she'd had planted just yesterday. She sent the gardener off immediately for replacements, and when she finished, she noticed a letter she had started that morning to her bank was missing from her escritoire. She inquired of the footman if he had accidentally sent it off with her other correspondence (which would have been disastrous, as she was not yet finished), which he had not. She was about to knock on the library door and see if she had left the letter there, when the door suddenly opened from the inside.
"Ah, my darling! Exactly the person I needed!" Sir Geoffrey took his wife by the arm and pulled her into the library, shutting the door behind them.
"Geoffrey, what on earth..."
But Romilla was silenced by a long, fervent kiss from her husband. As always, she was a bit shocked by the thrill this man made her feel, as if she were a girl of seventeen again. All too soon, he pulled away, leaving her breathless.
"We should start every conversation that way," Sir Geoffrey said, a bit breathless himself.
"I agree," Romilla mused, licking her lips, held in her husband's trance. She shook herself, remembering her responsibilities in the house—time and efficiency must be maintained. "Dearest, I'm looking for a letter I was writing this morning. Did I happen to leave it in here?" She pulled away from him reluctantly, straightening her frock as she began to search the room.
"Forget that for a moment," Sir Geoffrey said, following his wife to his desk, where she rifled through the papers. "Romilla, I've just received the most interesting communication. From the Duke of Wellington."
Romilla stopped rifling immediately. "The prime minister?" she repeated.
"Yes! He has just sent a missive; apparently he has received a letter from Barivia, which he enclosed." He handed both letters to his wife, her own quite forgotten.
"It says I am to be placed in charge of trade relations with the German principality of Barivia. And that an emissary from that country is coming next week."
"Darling, I have spent the last twenty years of my life in Europe, and I have never heard of Barivia."
"Neither had most of England, until recently," Sir Geoffrey replied, smiling, and launched into his lesson on Barivian anthropology.
Barivia, it seemed, was an extremely small country in the German states, on the northwest coast. So small in fact, that even though it is on the North Sea, it was mostly ignored by shipping routes for larger ports of call such as Hamburg, Amsterdam, and Copenhagen.
Barivia was fairly unchanged during the Napoleonic wars, mainly because people on both sides plum forgot it was there. Everyone in Barivia grows their own food, uses the same plows and tools and homes that their parents and their parents and their parents used—Germanic construction being, of course, quite sturdy. The only two products they ever exported were chocolates, which were decidedly second-rate next to Bavaria's—and suffering from the similarity in the two countries' names, Barivia's chocolate profits were sadly undercut. The second export was Gunter Roffstaam, a painter of no importance historically or to this story, so it's not surprising that no one has ever heard of him, unless they visit his parents' farm, where his mother shows everyone the lovely portrait he did for her birthday and his father grunts about having only three daughters and one worthless son. But, as it's been stated, he's irrelevant.
What was relevant however, was that after eons of being the quiet, simple, forgotten country, Barivia suddenly found itself being spoken of in the highest echelons of the British government.
While tending to his herd of goats, farmer Bjorn Roffstaam—a distant cousin of the irrelevant artist Gunter (due to a lack of marital choices, Barivia is horribly populated by Roffstaams)—noticed one of his charges going into a craggy hole in a rock face near the coastline. While attempting to retrieve the errant goat, Bjorn discovered possibly the richest vein of high quality iron ore in Europe. It was malleable. It was pure. And England wanted it.
Romilla interrupted Sir Geoffrey there. "But why on earth would England want to import iron ore? We have loads and loads of it here—we don't need more...do we?"
"While it's true that we mine a great deal of iron ore"—Sir Geoffrey never missed a chance to pontificate—"the fact is, we use it to build parts for the textile mills and the new railways—and those don't require very high-grade iron. This is the purest stuff anyone has seen! Iron like this can undergo the reduction process necessary to produce sheet metal. And sheet metal is going to be a fantastic industry in the future."
Romilla was about to open her mouth with a question (for she always had questions), but Sir Geoffrey continued. "If Barivia started a manufacturing plant, it would take years and years—we already have the plants in place."
"Besides," Romilla added wisely, "we don't want Barivia to start into the iron industry—it would lower our prices abroad."
"Exactly."
"It so often comes down to money, doesn't it?"
"More often than not, my dear. Now, according to Wellington, both Hanover and France have made their interest in the ore known. We don't want them in the iron business either, and luckily Barivia has decided to contact us, by sending this emissary"—he consulted the letter in his wife's hand—"a Count Roffstaam."
"Another one?" Romilla asked in disbelief.
"My dear, I should not be surprised if everyone in such a small country is named Roffstaam. But he is coming next week, and Wellington has appointed me to the task!"
"Darling, I'm so impressed for you." Romilla beamed. "But why does not the Duke involve himself in something of such great import?"
"I suspect he would, but he's busy with the Catholics, and his whole cabinet is in an uproar. But if we get rights to the iron ore, it would be quite a feather in my cap. That awful business in Lisbon can be put aside...I could possibly receive an appointment to a ministry."
"Oh!" Romilla exclaimed, and threw herself into her husband's arms, kissing him fervently. When she finally stopped, she couldn't stop speaking. "That would be wonderful! You of all people deserve such an appointment! And it will happen, dearest, it will! We'll be the toast of London and..." Sir Geoffrey finally silenced her with another kiss.
After a time just beyond respectable, Romilla broke away and said, "What do we know about him? Of course he'll have to be entertained. Shall I organize a dinner party immediately? Where do I send his direction? Oh heavens, the things to do!"
Sir Geoffrey chuckled. "He will be staying at lodgings in Mayfair the Duke has had arranged. He's arriving next week, so you have plenty of time to organize a party. But darling, there is one thing I need to talk to you about..." He hesitated.
"Yes, dearest? What is it?"
"It's...Barivians are rather...sheltered...in their views of ladies and propriety. It is a country untouched by the outside world, we should not wish to shock them with our liberal, cosmopolitan ways. Wives, and er, daughters, need to be above reproach."
Romilla took this in. They needed Roffstaam. England needed Barivia. She could hold her tongue when necessary, but...
"Abigail," she said grimly.
Sir Geoffrey fought a frown. "And I am concerned about the situation with Evangeline and Lord Fontaine. It is most inconvenient, especially now."
"What should we do? Do you think we should speed up the wedding? Or perhaps send the girls to the country for the duration of the Count's visit?" Romilla worried her lower lip.
"No, I don't think we should do either," Sir Geoffrey replied. "If we rush the wedding, its reason will reach Roffstaam's ears all too quickly by my enemies in Parliament."
"And if we send the girls away, it will turn the rumors that are now sparks into full flames," Romilla finished.
"We must maintain present course. But make certain nothing else untoward occurs."
Romilla suddenly started. "The girls! Oh, I must get back!" She ran out of the room without a second glance, not even pausing to close the library doors.
She hurried to the drawing room, a scant look at the clock in the hall telling her she had been away from her charges for nearly forty minutes. Forty minutes! She dreaded to think what havoc could have been wreaked—or worse, what if there was no conversation? Evangeline seemed uncharacteristically dull of late, and they only had Lord Fontaine's word to bind him.
Romilla slowed to a brisk trot. As she rounded the corner to the drawing room, she was confronted with a sight she had never considered.
The four of them—Evangeline, Lord Fontaine, his friend Mr. Holt, and Gail were sitting quite amiably, laughing, talking of nothing in particular. Having a respectable, enjoyable morning.
What on earth was she supposed to do with that?
## Thirteen
"YOU are the luckiest bastard on the face of the earth." Will lit a pipe once the door to the carriage closed. They had stayed at Number Seven for a few hours; it was well past noon once they took their leave. Other gentlemen who had spent last night dancing with Evangeline were arriving, ready to further their acquaintance with her and her sister. Both Will and Max had been reluctant to leave once they saw the mass of men vying for Evangeline's attention, but they were shooed out the door by Romilla, who claimed they had a hundred things to do that afternoon but insisted on their returning the next day and staying for dinner. Romilla had seemed newly distracted since the phantom stray dog had been unleashed, but she was nothing if not kind and escorted the gentlemen to the door.
Max could not help but scoff at Will's pronouncement. "Luckiest? That was the first time I've been able to say more than three words to her since..."
"Since being caught in a compromising position? But that's exactly what I mean. You are looking for a bride—any bride, just so you can save your fortune. And what falls in your lap? Only the most beautiful and pleasant creature Britain has ever produced! Lucky. Bastard."
"You don't think she's a little..." He searched for the right word. "Boring?"
Will looked at Max as if he had just swallowed a cricket bat. "Boring? Are you mad? She is incredible! She may be reserved, but over time, I suspect that will fade away. Her manners are impeccable, the sweetest nature—and a face like that could never be boring."
"Yes, I adore being spoken to about the latest fashions and hairstyles," Max replied sarcastically.
"That's what young ladies are told is polite conversation." Will shrugged.
"There is still the stepmother to contend with. And the sister," Max argued.
Will shook his head. "You're not marrying the stepmother. And as for the sister, I think you sold her a good deal short. Not bothersome at all. In fact, I found her to be quite pleasing."
"You liked her?" Max frowned.
"Of course! She may be shy, and the lesser in beauty—"
"She's not without beauty," Max protested, perhaps a bit too vehemently.
"True," Will agreed, an eyebrow in the air. "I never claimed otherwise. Also, she's quick. Miss Gail was the one who planned for our chaperone to be occupied, after all."
"Yes," Max drawled. "She is rather effective at creating small disasters." And doing a far better job of ridding them of the stepmother than he could have managed, he grudgingly admitted to himself.
Will simply smiled and continued on. "Pleasing smile, pleasing brown eyes. What's not to like?"
"Gold," Max said before he could stop himself.
"Beg pardon?"
"Her eyes—never mind. Good, I'm glad the two of you got along. You will be spending a great deal of time with the Br...er, Miss Gail."
Will sent his friend a devilish smile. "You say that as if it would be a hardship."
Max's jaw began working with fervor. Never in his life would he have expected Miss Gail Alton to be described as both shy and pleasing. He had half a mind to inform Will that Gail was the chit who threw him in the lake, but knowing his best friend, that would only make him like her more. "You really liked the sister?"
Will grinned. "Who knows? Maybe someday we'll be brothers-in-law."
An image flashed in front of Max's eyes: that smile Gail had given Will when he presented her with the scone. It was dazzling. And it had been directed at his friend.
For some reason, that thought set Max's teeth on edge more than anything else.
"THAT was absolutely brilliant!" Evangeline exclaimed in hushed tones, as she and Gail walked across Berkeley Square, Romilla six steps ahead as always. "You are the cleverest sister anyone could ask for!"
Gail blushed, but kept her eyes on Romilla's back, making certain she wasn't eavesdropping. It had been a surprisingly nice morning. Pleasant, companionable. And more confusing than Gail wished.
Max had been a gentleman: kind, inquiring, accommodating. It was difficult to alter her original impression of a boorish, overbearing lout to include this new dynamic. And his friend Mr. Holt had been such enjoyable company as well! Surely someone that nice could not be friend to someone who was not equally honorable?
"Gail? What are you thinking?" Evangeline inquired.
"Simply that...that Mr. Holt was quite nice," Gail managed to stutter out.
Evangeline blushed. "He was, wasn't he? Not to mention handsome and intelligent. I adored the way he described his home in Bristol. Right next to Lord Fontaine's! It must be beautiful there," she sighed wistfully. "Mr. Holt is possibly the most charming man I've ever met!"
"He, uh, seemed to bring out the best qualities in Lord Fontaine, as well," Gail ventured, but only received a soft "hmm" as a reply.
"How are we to get rid of Romilla when they come to call tomorrow?" Evangeline said after a few moments.
"No idea—phantom stray cat?"
"Hurry up, girls!" Romilla said, not even turning her head around or pausing in her step. "We mustn't be late for Lady Jersey. Remember, leave all conversation to me, unless she asks you a direct question."
Evangeline suddenly grabbed Gail's arm. "The questions!" she whispered. "The list I prepared for Lord Fontaine! I was so nervous, I forgot to ask them!"
Gail desperately shushed her sister, but luckily, Romilla seemed blissfully unaware of what they were saying in hushed tones.
"You wrote them just in case there was nothing to talk about." Gail reflected. "Obviously the morning was going too well to need to employ them."
"But I should like to know the answers."
"I shouldn't worry. You will learn the answers eventually, in the course of normal conversation."
"One hopes I'll know them before my wedding," Evangeline worried.
"Evangeline! Pinch your cheeks. Gail, straighten your gloves."
They had stopped before Number Thirty-Eight, the residence of Lady Jersey, directly across the square from their home—a huge, marbled house with iron gates and bright daffodils growing in flanking pots.
"We're here."
AS it happened, neither Gail and Evangeline, nor Max and Will, had to invent some sort of elaborate scheme for the occupation of Romilla. She was much too busy preparing for the dinner party with Count Roffstaam to worry about the girls—as long as they were in Number Seven and together.
A boon had been granted—Lady Jersey had happily arranged for Evangeline and Gail to receive their Almack's vouchers. In thankful reciprocation, Lady Jersey, a vocal enthusiast of Barivian chocolates, had been one of the honored guests invited to the dinner party for the ambassador. Whether or not this proffered invitation had been any inducement to the giving of the vouchers was undetermined. To mention the possibility that a trade had occurred was highly indelicate. Even Gail knew that much.
Romilla spent the week readying her troops for the invasion. This would be a much smaller affair than the girls' coming out ball—but in many ways, it was far more important. Flowers had to be ordered, the courses arranged—a French cook was engaged for the sole purpose of making the pastries—another for sauces. Invitations had to be printed, and the seating arrangements between the Whigs and the Tories were a nightmare. The silver was still in good shape, since the ball was not a week past, but Romilla insisted on a repolishing of all the utensils, mirrors, candlesticks, and bric-a-brac that could possibly be viewed by their foreign guests. Entertainment had to be arranged. Romilla, naturally, had Evangeline practicing her pianoforte whenever possible, but was debating whether to engage a top soprano to sing an aria or two after the meal. Rooms that would never be seen, never even have their doors opened, were aired out, new linens were purchased, and, of course, gowns were arranged for herself and the girls. Not to mention the social rounds she had to make! Romilla was terribly busy, indeed.
Therefore, when they were unnecessary, Evangeline and Gail were left to themselves to entertain their callers.
Max and Will were the most frequent, having claimed tea at half past ten as their own. It was amazing how quickly everyone adjusted themselves to Romilla's busy schedule—she woke at dawn, no matter what time she went to bed, and therefore she considered anyone who lounged all morning sleeping as a hopeless layabout.
Max and Will would arrive at exactly teatime, with some flowers or a trinket in hand—always presented to Romilla, not the daughters. Occasionally they passed Sir Geoffrey on his way out the door, off to some important meeting of State. He would plant a perfunctory kiss on top of each of his daughter's heads, and squeeze his wife's shoulder before disappearing for the length of the day. Romilla stayed with the young people for approximately twenty minutes before she downed the last of her tea and ran off to her next imperative domestic task. She always left the drawing room doors open, and always made certain a maid or two was nearby in case of, well, in case of anything. When the girls left the house they were always chaperoned to the point of frustration, but at home in the mornings, after those twenty minutes, Evangeline, her secret betrothed, her sister, and his friend were left to their own devices.
Surprisingly, those devices were unaccountably tame. No one made a mad dash to the conservatory; no one spoke in low voices words only lovers said. They were far more likely to begin playing a game of whist than they were to embark upon a forbidden kiss.
And it was driving Max crazy.
It was Wednesday, and that evening the girls were to attend their first dance at the great hall at Almack's. Evangeline's enthusiasm was so catching that the gentlemen were reluctant to dampen it with their knowledge of Almack's weak punch and pallid music. Even Gail seemed to be interested in their expedition to the famous public gallery, following the conversation with interest, smiles, and even venturing the occasional question.
And therein lay the problem.
For the past week, Max had danced attendance every morning on Evangeline. He was prompt, courteous, and every inch the gentleman. And every morning, Gail was there.
How was he supposed to court his intended if her sister listened in on every word? She sat there, her golden eyes following the players like a tennis match, rarely speaking, never betraying her thoughts by showing an expression. She would smile sometimes, though, Max reflected. On the rare occasion when her attention would drift (generally when the gentlemen started talking at length about the latest neck cloth style), Gail would turn to look out the window. After a few moments, she would tuck a strand of rich brown hair behind her ear and smile privately to herself, lost and happy in her own thoughts, causing Max to pause in his own. Where did she go? What made her smile like that?
Yes, Max found it very difficult to focus on Evangeline with Gail at hand.
Worse though, was that Max felt like he hadn't actually spoken to Evangeline since that intoxicating night in the conservatory. Oh, they had been members of the same conversation, and even exchanged a few sentences, but they were of the "how is your father" and "did you enjoy the musicale last evening" variety. What he wanted was that feeling of closeness that had enveloped them that night—to catch her sighs and know their meaning.
Oh, he was well acquainted with her preferences in hair ribbons, but he knew nothing of her private thoughts, of her disposition toward marriage, home life, the Whig party—he barely knew anything of her personal history!
As they discussed Almack's, regaling the girls with carefully chosen, carefully edited stories of the various bits of scandal that had occurred there (lighter fare—that Lady Jersey had indeed denied the Duke of Wellington admission for arriving after the doors were closed, as opposed to the various cuckoldings and bastards conceived in its shadowed corners), Max decided that he had had enough. Romilla had run off nearly a half hour before, mentioning something about napkin rings. No one was going to interrupt him if he stepped beyond what they wanted him to do.
It was now or never.
Max moved from his wing-backed chair to the comfortable sofa where Evangeline sat next to Gail. It took Evangeline a moment to realize he was there, so intent was she on her conversation with Will, but when she turned to look at him, it was with some surprise.
He hadn't been this close to her since that night. He'd seen her every day since, but now he was sitting next to her, and impulsively took her hand in his. If possible, Evangeline's eyes grew wider, caught like a rabbit. He watched as she took a deep steadying breath, reined in her composure, and smiled at him.
"Miss Evangeline, would you do me the honor of a turn about the room? I feel I could use the exercise," Max said directly into her enormous blue eyes. And for a moment, he didn't see an openmouthed Gail looking over her sister's shoulder.
"Um, ah..." Evangeline hemmed, her gaze scanned the room and finally came to rest on his fingers surrounding hers. For a split second, Max feared she would pull away, when Will cleared his throat.
"Fontaine, you'll have to wait your turn," Will spoke up. "I fear a leg cramp myself. Miss Gail, would you care to join me?" Will stood and held out his hand. Gail had no choice but to take it.
Max exhaled. Holt had thankfully anticipated his needs and considered Miss Evangeline's comfort. He could speak far more intimately with Evangeline seated together on the couch without fearing Romilla's censure if she happened in, and Will in turn had removed Gail. Now all Max had to do was actually speak.
"WHAT'S going on?" Gail said very softly, so only Will could hear. They were at the far side of the drawing room now, near the large marble fireplace. At the pace Will was walking, they would reach the other end of the chamber around nightfall. Gail had to pull him to match her natural gait.
"Don't fret, Miss Gail." Will patted her hand, refusing to move any faster. "I believe Lord Fontaine merely wanted to speak to his fiancée on his own. You're surprised I called Miss Alton his fiancée? Don't worry—Fontaine tells me everything, I tell him everything, and neither of us tell anyone else. It's a system that's worked flawlessly for two decades."
"Flawlessly?" Gail questioned. "So I cannot count on you to relate any stories of Lord Fontaine's youthful indiscretions I can feed to my sister?"
Will smothered a chuckle, keeping his voice low. "Only if he deserves it."
Gail smiled and condescended to rest a little weight on Will's arm. She liked Mr. Holt—he was always pleasant, always smiling, but never in a leering or awkward way. He was a naturally happy person, and he was generous with his joy. Gail had difficulty understanding the bonds of friendship that held him to such a cynical individual as Max Fontaine. Gail listened down the length of the drawing room. She could barely hear the murmuring coming from the couch and certainly couldn't make out what was being said—but she saw it at the same time that Will did.
"Why does your sister have a piece of card in her hand?" He couldn't help but ask. "Is she reading something? A poem perhaps?"
"Very likely," Gail lied. "Evangeline is fond of poetry."
"SO, I uh, wanted to ask you, sir..." Evangeline started, glancing down at the crumpled piece of card she had pulled out of her pocket. "What is your favorite color?"
Max could only gape for a moment.
"My, ah, favorite color?" Max repeated, going a bit red in the face.
"I'm sorry." Her blush matched his. "That's a silly question, isn't it?"
"No, it's not a silly question—green. My favorite color is green."
Their first opportunity for unfettered conversation, and this is her chosen topic? His favorite color? This was not the beginning he hoped for.
"Oh," Evangeline replied. "Well. Um. My favorite color is violet. But I like all colors. In case you were wondering."
Evangeline looked down at the card again, affording Max a chance to peek at its contents. On it, he saw neat, even hand covering the card in the tiniest writing imaginable.
She had all these questions to ask him? What happened to the sweet, charming girl from the garden? Max nearly rolled his eyes, but something stopped their rotation.
Her hand was shaking.
"Tell me"—she cleared her throat—"what was the last book—"
"Miss Evangeline, I know you don't know much about me," Max interrupted gently, as he reached out and plucked the card from her grasp, "and I know equally little about you. But I do know that I have been longing for the opportunity to speak alone with you for a week now, and I simply hope that we can sit, enjoy each other's company, and talk."
Evangeline flushed profusely, too much a female not to be softened by Max's pretty words.
"Talk? What, ah...what do you wish to talk about?" Evangeline stammered.
"You. Me. Each other. Us," Max said, his nerves unknotting as Evangeline's frame slowly relaxed.
"Your choice of topics is vast and far-reaching, to say the least." She smiled.
"Well, I have a feeling you are far more interesting than I—"
"That cannot be true," Evangeline said, laughing.
"We'll compare," Max declared. "What was it like growing up constantly abroad?"
And with that, Max and Evangeline embarked upon their first unrestricted and authentic conversation.
WILL had long since conceded to move at Gail's pace—it was a battle he wasn't going to win. They were on their fourth lap of the drawing room; nearly twenty minutes of uninterrupted time had elapsed since Gail had first seen Evie pull out her card of questions. It had since disappeared from view, which was all to the good, in her opinion. But that didn't mean things were going well.
"Why is she so uneasy?" Gail murmured. "She is the clever one with gentlemen. I've never seen her so awkward."
Will snuck a peek at the progress his friend and his friend's fiancée were making.
"Maybe because it's never mattered so much before," he whispered back.
For indeed, the flow of conversation, instead of being natural and easy, more closely resembled a gasping sputter. It started as a rush of words, either from Max or Evangeline, and often both at the same time, followed by a solid minute of silence. Both would look away during this time, searching the room for the next topic of conversation. Occasionally, Max's eyes would choose Gail to fall upon, and she caught him more than once watching her and Will circling the room. But then, he'd just as quickly shift his gaze elsewhere, and eventually one or the other's eyes would alight on some random object, which would spark a question, and another furious burst of talk would occur. And so it went.
Whenever Will and Gail circled close enough to eavesdrop with a degree of accuracy, they slowed down. But unfortunately, the seated couple always seemed to be in one of their silent stretches, and thus nothing was learned. Until...
"So you next traveled to Portugal then?" Gail overheard Max say. No doubt his eye had fallen on a Portuguese silk shawl draped over the chair.
"Yes, Lisbon," Evangeline replied.
"And did you enjoy it?"
"Oh yes," Evangeline said in a rush. Then she added, "However, I don't think I'm well suited to long travel."
"How do you mean?" Max questioned, the smallest hint of strain in his voice.
"Well, every time I go to a new place, I miss the old one desperately. And however much I enjoy the beauty of the new city or the friends we've made, I never feel..." Evangeline searched for the right word. "Settled." She looked to the side a moment, tracing the small flower pattern of the couch. "We were in the south of France once, traveling through a village with a beautiful cathedral. There was a man there, an artist, painting a canvas. He had dozens of them, all of the cathedral, all in different lights, different angles, different seasons. And I thought, how nice would it be to be able to sit in one place long enough to see it change. To paint the seasons. That's one of the reasons I'm so pleased to be back in England. We're finally here to stay."
"Oh," Max replied, sounding a little deflated. Gail and Will had stopped moving altogether now and had removed to a sideboard where they could listen in, unobtrusively. Will had the oddest, softest look on his face, but said nothing to Gail's questioning tug.
"But, at least you've had the experiences!" Max said, with perhaps more cheer than necessary. "I envy all the places you've been, all the wonderful things you've had the chance to learn."
Evangeline gave a smile, a bit strained to Gail's eye, but chuckled nonetheless. "Yes, of course! I should not begrudge the opportunities I've had for a moment. I loved the cities, the countryside landscapes, the music, oh, the art—the people especially, the new dances we were introduced to, the fashions."
"And the languages," Max finished, but Evangeline shook her head merrily.
"I'm afraid I'm hopeless when it comes to languages. English is my only fluency. My French is atrocious—broken at best, and we spent nearly two years there."
"Really?" Max suddenly got a mischievous look in his eye and cocked a lopsided grin. Gail knew that grin—it was dangerous. "So, if I said, Vous etes la creature la plus belle dans le monde, you would have no idea what I'm saying?"
Evangeline shook her head again, soft blonde curls dancing about her face. "What does it mean?"
"You truly don't speak any other languages?" he inquired playfully. "What if I said, Quiero besar cada pulgada de su carne rosa?"
Evangeline smiled, giving a small shrug.
Gail nearly choked.
Max had just said he wanted to kiss every inch of her sister's pink flesh, in what was, she grudgingly admitted, perfect Spanish. Before he had spoken in equally perfect French. Gail looked to Will to see if had understood either phrase. She could see he hadn't, but he was intent on Gail's obvious reaction.
"What about," he mused wickedly, "Eu penso que nós devemos gastar menos tempo que falamos e mais tempo no jardim."
Max had switched to Portuguese. While Evangeline blushed very prettily at a presumed compliment, Gail was red for an entirely different reason.
"Tu fondres pour moi quard je..."
"Stop!" Evangeline giggled.
"Yes. Please stop," Gail said, much more strongly.
Max looked up abruptly.
Gail fumed. She could only feel triumphant at the look of dawning horror on Max's face. How dare he? How dare—
"Gail, come tell me what he said." Evangeline turned to her sister, holding out a hand for Gail to come and join them. She was smiling. Max was not.
She should tell her, Gail thought. She should tell Evie exactly what Max had said, and then they both could kick this low, irksome creature out of their lives for good. Her words had worked this magic—and havoc—before. Why not now?
But she stopped herself. Evangeline, kind, nervous Evangeline, was flush with the relief of being able to laugh and smile with her fiancé.
Fiancé. No matter what, they were stuck with him.
And Evangeline had asked her to be kind. To try.
Gail glanced at Max. His eyes were not asking her to be kind. They begged. Pleaded. Laid himself at the mercy of his enemy.
"He said," Gail replied finally, "that you are the most beautiful creature he has ever seen."
"Oh!" Evangeline gasped, and turned to Max, clasping his hands to her bosom. "Lord Fontaine, that's lovely. Thank you."
Max responded with a relieved smile, but under that he turned his attention to Gail, and when their eyes caught, and held, Gail was certain she could read his thoughts.
Sure, he thought. Just bloody lovely.
## Fourteen
"I'M desperate to know—what did you say to Miss Alton?" Will drawled as he sipped a weak punch. Almack's was all aglitter tonight, the Season in full swing. The long main gallery was bedecked in its customary finery: Crystal chandeliers dripped from the ceiling, marble columns flanked the walls in such a stately and military way, one felt certain that to break a rule here would merit a court-martial from all good society. The Patronesses, whose favor was necessary to gain admittance, were seated in a group at one end, holding court. Gentlemen dressed in formal knee breeches, hung about the edges of the throng in masses of black, pointing out the available girls on the marriage mart. Those young ladies were from the best families and had turned out in their finest white, ivory, ecru, eggshell, and if they were very daring, palest blue, evening dresses. Their mamas were distinguished by their darker colors and more calculating looks, as compared to the wide-eyed, wondrous faces of the daughters.
Max and Will stood at the very edge of the floor, watching the group of young, privileged couples finish dancing a country reel. Will was smiling into his punch. Max was not.
"What makes you think I said anything other than what Miss Gail reported?" Max replied, trying for bored tones, but failing abominably, much to Will's snickering pleasure.
"Oh, she hid your true meaning, make no mistake."
Max just grunted.
"Fontaine, you're very stupid, you realize."
"I beg your pardon?" Max intoned.
"They've lived their lives abroad! Chances are one of them picked up a phrase of French here and there!" Will replied.
"And Spanish? And Portuguese?" Max asked fervently. Then, sullen, he grumbled, "How many languages does she speak, anyway?"
Will shrugged. "I don't know. I didn't ask her. I doubt more than those."
"Well, let's hope you're right. Any more languages, and I'll run out of covert ways to whisper naughty things in Miss Evangeline's ear."
"I knew you were saying more than you ought this morning," Will muttered, his eyes on the glass of punch in his hand.
Max simply shot him a look out of the corner of his eye, smiled wryly, and checked his pocket watch.
"They are late," he declared.
"They are not," Will countered. "Look."
Will nodded toward the grand staircase, which led down into the gallery. At the top was a line of people waiting to be announced. Max looked up just in time to hear the announcer's booming voice say:
"Sir Alton, Lady Alton, Miss Evangeline Alton, and Miss Abigail Alton."
HEREwe are, come and get us, Gail thought as she walked carefully down the massive staircase. Evangeline, of course, managed to float down the stairs with her easy grace, but Gail had to work very hard to keep her knees from wobbling and her feet from tripping. She was surprised at her nerves, given the number of balls and outings in society they had attended in the past week, but still, this was Almack's. This was the crucible of the Ton's activity. If Gail proved to be an embarrassment here, she was done for.
As they reached the base of the stairs, the hush that had occurred when their names were announced was quickly covered by a few whispers, a few titters. But mostly, everyone had resumed normal conversation. A vast improvement over the course of the week, Gail noted, and was not above smiling a little at their social acceptance. More than once that day, she overheard Romilla thanking God aloud that Lady Jersey was a fan of Barivian chocolates. Their admittance into Almack's had established their good name.
Their stepmother turned to Gail and Evangeline, quickly extracting the latter from a group of admirers, who had gathered with astonishing speed, and addressed her charges in businesslike tones.
"Girls, if you would follow me—we must pay our compliments to the Patronesses." Romilla patted Sir Geoffrey on the arm, who no doubt took that as his signal to leave everything to his wife and headed off in search of some refreshments and possibly a member of Parliament or two that he could wrangle into conversation. Romilla settled herself in between Gail and Evangeline, and together the three of them cut a swath through the masses of people—smiling and nodding politely as they did so, but intent on their destination.
"Now remember, leave the talking to me, and for the love of heaven, Gail, don't fidget!" Romilla whispered fervently as they approached the sofas where the queens of Society held court. "You'll worry the fingers off your gloves! Remember, you are lovely and proper and..."
"Lady Alton, what are you whispering to those girls?" came an imperious voice from a low red velvet couch. "Orders, no doubt, on how to simper properly and not give away a hint of intelligence!"
From the middle of the sofas, next to Lady Jersey, sat Lady Charlbury—resplendent in a gown of black jet, and wearing a mask of stern disapproval. She had a twinkle in her eye as she looked to Gail. Thankfully, she was without her cats for the evening.
"Lady Charlbury!" Gail could not help but exclaim. An elbow from Romilla had her remember her manners, and she curtsied. "It is such a pleasure to see you again."
"Yes," Romilla said, as she and Evangeline dipped into matching curtsies, "I had no idea you attended Almack's. What a pleasant surprise!"
"Oh, my good friend Lady Jersey drags me out of the house on occasion," Lady Jersey and the Altons acknowledged each other, as Lady Charlbury continued. "I daresay I worry about Old Tom dreadfully while I'm out, but someone has to keep an eye on these young things here. The notion of decency has fallen so low these days I hardly know what's what!"
"How is Old Tom?" Gail asked Lady Charlbury, who responded in warm tones. "He's up to his old tricks. Got into my face powder the other day, sneezed for hours. You must come and visit us again."
Gail smiled and moved to join her. However, before Lady Charlbury could wrangle Gail into another long, feline-centric conversation, Lady Jersey interceded.
"I'm sure Lady Charlbury will look forward to your visit, Miss Gail, but for now, you cannot make me believe young ladies prefer the society of two old matrons to the gentlemen here—who are eager to dance a waltz or two, I daresay." Evangeline blushed prettily, and Gail gave up hope of getting out of dancing by allowing Lady Charlbury to monopolize her. "Go and join them, and have a marvelous evening."
And with that the Altons were dismissed. Romilla escorted the girls back to the throng of gentlemen awaiting their return and was herself quickly distracted by some friend or other calling for her attention. Once she left, Evangeline whispered quick words to Gail.
"Why, that was easy!"
Gail blushed. "In truth I thought our interview would have been much worse. The way Romilla went on, I expected the Spanish Inquisition."
"Gail, you were marvelous. As soon as I saw Lady Charlbury, I knew heaven was smiling on us. But the best part of all—we were granted permission to waltz!"
"That is the best news I've heard all night," Max spoke as he came up behind Evangeline and Gail. He and Will made their bows, Max immediately offering his arm to the elder sister.
He looked like black fire tonight, Gail thought, veiling her eyes to hide how much she approved of his appearance. Indeed, Gail had to take a moment and remind herself he was a pompous ass. His dress was sober in comparison to many of the jades and fops there that evening, but his green eyes sparked and crackled in the candlelight. His black coat and breeches matched his dark hair, while the stiff white of his cravat contrasted sharply, like a ghost in shadow. His shoulders filled the cloth without the use of padding, as did his strong thighs. Must be from so much riding, Gail's brain mused on its own tangent.
"Miss Gail...Miss Gail?" Will was saying in her ear, and she blushed guiltily at having been caught on such an unseemly train of thought. Max and Evangeline had long since moved off to join the dancers on the floor. A quadrille was playing, and Gail saw that Evangeline and Max moved smoothly together. They were turning more than one pair of heads with their handsomeness.
Will offered Gail his arm. Ashamed to realize her mind was still dwelling where it ought not to be, she forced her attention back to her escort, and smiled.
"Would you care to join the dancers, Miss Gail?" Will asked, leading her to the floor.
"Happily, but Mr. Holt, I should warn you, I rely on you to keep me from total disgrace. When I trod your toes, please do your best not to yelp too loudly," Gail replied with good humor, causing a bark of laughter from Will, as they too joined in the dance.
"QUITE the pair, the young Viscount Fontaine and Miss Evangeline Alton," Lady Jersey remarked to Lady Charlbury, while keeping a hawk-like gaze on the dancing.
Having closed the doors to any late arrivals, and having been greeted most prettily by everyone in attendance, Lady Jersey took pleasure in pointing out all the connections forming on the dance floor to her dear friend. The evening was progressing splendidly, and Lady Jersey had much to gossip about, mostly regarding people Lady Charlbury didn't know or didn't care for. Her mind was drifting happily to her Old Tom, when her ears suddenly perked up at the mention of the Altons.
"Beg pardon, my dear? Lord Fontaine and Miss Alton?"
"Yes, Eleanor! Didn't you see them dancing earlier?" Lady Jersey saw that indeed Lady Charlbury had not seen, and so elaborated. "I'll have you know I always thought those rumors were rubbish. He stood up with her two turns in a row—then of course he had to surrender her to the other young bucks in waiting, but from where I sit, they move very well together. Proper, respectful, and with grace."
"Proper, respectful dancing doesn't exactly speak of deep feeling," Lady Charlbury grunted.
"And indeed it shouldn't. At least not at Almack's," Lady Jersey answered, secure in her own rightness.
Lady Charlbury, on the other hand, remained skeptical. She knew Lady Jersey's mind quite well. As devout as she was to the rules of society, she still liked to see people matched together, and she had in her mind that Lord Fontaine and Miss Alton made a likely couple. And indeed, Lady Charlbury grudgingly thought, they probably did, given their constant company. It was by all accounts a good match. But for her part, Lady Charlbury did not see the attraction. Something was missing. Evangeline Alton was fast becoming the beauty of the Season—to that there was no question. But she just didn't see a spark evident between them.
As Lady Charlbury scanned the crowd, she noticed Lord Ommersley, whom she had never much cared for, barreling his way across the room toward Miss Gail Alton.
"Tell me, Sarah dear," Lady Charlbury ventured to her friend, who had spun off on a tangent about Barivian royalty, or some such boring thing, "what do you think of the younger Miss Alton?"
Lady Jersey took a moment to remember the face. When it struck her, she said, "Tall, quiet. Pretty, though nothing compared to her sister, which is unfortunate for her, I suppose. But she seems nice enough in spite of it. Sometimes younger sisters can be so hateful to the elder."
"You don't think she has a sense of wit? Or perhaps superior intelligence to recommend her?" Lady Charlbury ventured.
"La! Eleanor, you have taken to that girl simply because she asked after your cat!" Lady Jersey laughed. "No, my dear, I have seen no demonstrations of wit, although, in fairness, I have only had them call once, and the Misses Alton were barely given a chance to speak. She struck me then as she does now—a little awkward and overshadowed by her lovely sister."
"I will inform you now, my dear," Lady Charlbury said, "that my opinion differs from yours greatly."
"Well, it's lucky our opinions always differ," Lady Jersey said, smiling coyly. "Else I should be wounded by your dissension."
NO one would suspect Gail of being championed as a great wit of engaging personality by Lady Charlbury. She was, at that moment, where she often found herself: alone against the wall. Not that she minded! Of course not—Mr. Holt had been so obliging, dancing with her, fetching her tea, and simply being a completely amiable gentleman that she was surprised to find so many hours had passed. Of course, she couldn't dance solely with Mr. Holt, so after the first, she braved the dance floor with a surprising number of gentlemen. Her steps had been very careful and deliberate, and so she managed to dance without causing a major catastrophe.
Never had she so many partners, and nearly all the gentlemen enjoyed her company, as she did theirs. Although Mr. Leight would not be blamed if he never asked her to dance again. His toes might not survive it. Oh, she was actually having a good time! But the heat of the room and her extremely careful dancing were so wearying, that she begged Evangeline to take her next dance with Mr. Holt so she could sit and breathe for a moment. They obliged her, and Gail was left to her thoughts, as she had long desired to be.
She wanted to remember this moment. To remember the size of the hall, the beautiful gowns and dashing gentlemen, the men who had asked for her next, and the terrible, terrible refreshments. She wanted to be able to recall it all when she wrote in her little diary, and she needed to sit a moment and sketch it out. What a joy to be able to write of marginal social triumphs instead of complete disasters.
As she mused there, her eyes glazed over with thought, a dark shadow crawled its way up her face. The shadow's owner loomed above her, and addressed his quarry in a squeaky, breaking voice.
"Good evening, Miss Gail," young Lord Ommersley said, making a mockery of a bow toward her.
Gail jumped in her seat and looked up at her one-time accoster. She hadn't seen Ommersley since that dreadful night, for, once he'd come to, he skulked away from the party and back to his own house across the square. He hadn't come to call since, much to Gail's relief, and she had entertained the hope he would avoid her altogether in the future.
But now his skinny height loomed above her.
He looked appalling. She hadn't noticed his tendency for foppish dress before. Oh, his coat and breeches were appropriately black, but he wore more lace at his cuffs and throat than she did on her entire person. The particular shade of green he chose for his waistcoat matched his eye—the left one that is. The powder he had used liberally was ill applied, and the faded bruise that covered half his face was clearly visible. However, perhaps he thought his battle scars were to be worn with pride, or perhaps he thought himself the better of everyone else in the room, for his thin chest was puffed out to its fullest and his nose was high in the air.
The result was not unlike a sickly blade of grass trying to emulate a powerful, menacing oak.
Gail was so shocked by his appearance that she forgot her painstakingly applied tact.
"What the devil are you doing here?" she blurted, and then covered her mouth. It was one thing to be rude, it was quite another to swear in polite society. Fortunately, no one seemed to have taken notice of her.
Lord Ommersley grimaced at her unflattering greeting, then sneered. And then grimaced again. Making facial expressions must have still been a bit painful.
"Miss Gail, so pleasant to see you again," he smarmed. "Indeed, I've been looking forward to renewing our acquaintance."
"Well, I wasn't," Gail said. Normally, she would have made an effort to hold her tongue, especially fearing the consequences. But knowing how ungentlemanly Ommersley was, Gail could not be ladylike. "I can't say I thought of you much at all, and when I did, it was to wish you consigned to Australia."
"Tut-tut, Miss Gail—is that any way to speak to your dance partner?" He held out his hand for her to take.
She looked from his revoltingly offered hand to his face and saw the cold meanness that lived there. It scared her.
She pressed herself as far back against the wall as her chair would allow, but he stepped forward. He pursued, he leered, he positively hovered in her space. What could she do? She fought to keep her mind working as panic began to creep in.
"I'll not dance with you," Gail said, her fear showing in her voice. Ommersely gave a cold, hungry smile.
"But I have your stepmother's express permission. She's watching us even now."
Gail looked over his shoulder and found Romilla across the way. Gail pleaded with her eyes, but Romilla only smiled, gave a little wave, and turned her attention back to a friend.
"I'm not dancing with you," Gail bit out. "Leave me be."
"No! We have things to discuss, you and I." And with that, he reached forward and grabbed her arm, painfully tight.
Gail was about to disgrace herself and scream, when Ommersley's arm was removed.
"I'd listen to the lady, if I were you," Max drawled, his hand discreetly crushing Ommersley's fingers. He whimpered quietly while Max held his grip and voice steady. "Besides, she's to dance with me next."
Ommersley and Max straightened—nobody nearby seemed to notice any fuss. The best threats were always given in whispers, Gail noted. Max let go of Ommersley's hand, causing that young man to stumble back. A few heads turned at his ungraceful steps, so Ommersley quickly covered and made a bow to Max.
"Well, Fontaine. I see you have moved quicker than I," he said, as eyes turned back to their own conversations. "I shall have to content myself with the next dance," he said darkly.
"I'm afraid that one is spoken for, too," Max said. "And the one after, and the one after." He stepped forward, whispering menacingly into the gawkish fool's ear. "Anytime you get it in your head to ask her to dance, she is spoken for."
With that Ommersley darkened, his eyes growing hard and bright. But he again made a bow and turned on his heel and walked away.
Gail stood on shaky legs, her heart beating furiously. Max stared after Ommersley's retreating form, as if to make certain he had truly abandoned his pursuit. When Ommersley had faded from sight, Max's chest caved in a great exhale of pent-up breath. As if he hadn't breathed since he crossed the room. To save her. Again.
She reached out gently and touched his arm.
His head jerked around.
They stared.
She didn't know what to say to him. How could she thank him for another rescue? Her knees were still wobbly, and she couldn't remember ever being that frightened before—but she couldn't very well let Max Fontaine know that. She should say something smart and caustic. Unfortunately, all her brain could think was thank God for you.
He opened his mouth to speak, but stalled, his eyes searching her face. Would he reprimand her? Gail worried. Did he blame her...worse yet, what if he made fun of her? She would surely die.
Finally, after a time-frozen moment in each other's eyes, Max cleared his throat and asked, "Shall we dance?"
TAKING her hand in his, they took to the floor, joining the other couples as they waltzed. Max spied Evangeline in Will's arms, talking animatedly, Will smiling and laughing in return. Holt had always been the one with the gift of conversation, Max noted, and promptly forgot about his betrothed. All his energy was focused on the uncommonly pale, mute woman in his arms. He fought the uninvited impulse to smooth her hair, her cheek, and instead positioned them properly on the floor. Max's left hand went to Gail's surprisingly small waist, her hand perched tentatively in his right—but she put no weight on that hand, almost as if she were afraid to touch him. Stiffly they began to move.
She tripped once; he held her up. She trod on his toes; he didn't say a word. After a minute of stony silence, Max's worry was turning to annoyance. Her color had evened out, and she was no longer the shaken, fragile creature afraid of her own shadow. In fact, that side of Gail had been so fleeting, Max began to wonder if he had imagined it. But she still wouldn't meet his eyes. She was concentrating too intensely on her feet, on dancing. When she misstepped onto his toes for the fourth time, Max couldn't hold his tongue any longer.
"Are you trying to break my feet?"
That brought her eyes up from the floor to his face, flashing with challenge. The sight made Max smile with relief.
"I beg your pardon, good sir," she said with an edge of sarcasm, "but one of us has to take the lead—and you seem to be mincing more than moving."
"You want me to lead?" Max rose to the challenge. "Fine. Try following. A few instructions: First, keep your eyes up, on my face—don't look down at my feet. My feet are not going to tell you where we move next."
She saw his dare and, smiling herself a little, did as he instructed, unnerving him with her direct and powerful gaze. But he didn't falter. Instead, he continued.
"Now, put a little more strength into our clasped hands. I need you to be able to feel me. You won't push me over, no matter how much you want to." Once she had obeyed, he pulled her a bit closer and lowered his voice into her ear. "Now, do you feel my hand on your waist? My other hand holding yours? I am going to tell you how to follow me, simply by touch."
"I think—" Gail started, only to be cut off.
"That's the problem. You can't dance while thinking about dancing." His mouth was a scant inch from her delicate ear. "The act is about feeling, not thought."
And with that, he put the veriest bit of pressure on her side and spun her into a turn, which she executed with astonishingly perfect grace. Gail was so wide-eyed with surprise, she burst into a gleeful grin before she could suppress it. Her joy hit Max with such an explosion of warmth, it was like a dozen nails driven into his chest. He couldn't stop himself from smiling right back.
And then Gail tripped again.
She turned bright red and glowered at him. "You shouldn't smile at a lady like that," she remarked, after regaining the rhythm.
"Like what?"
"Like you want to eat her."
Now was Max's turn to trip, and Gail's turn to catch him.
After those initial stumbles, they spun around the floor, perfectly in tune with each other and the music. Max guided her expertly, surprised and pleased they moved together so well.
She challenged him to show her how to dance, and the fact that she thrived under his instruction was thrilling. And she was loving every moment. No matter how stern she tried to remain, she couldn't hide the light of joy on her face. And Max couldn't help but comment on it.
"If I didn't know better, I would say you were enjoying yourself."
That earned him a wry look, but she maintained dignity and would not be baited.
"Apparently you can be taught," he murmured in her ear.
She blithely stepped hard upon his toes and smiled serenely when he grimaced
"I'm sorry, did you say something? I was too busy feeling and not thinking to pay attention to your chatter," she remarked, mischievousness alight in her face.
"You have the most amazingly selective hearing. Whatever I wish you to hear, you do not."
"And whatever you don't want me to hear, I manage to be listening," Gail finished for him, as he took them into another turn, Gail following easily.
Max frowned, and to his abject embarrassment, was unable to meet Gail's intensely direct gaze.
"You, ah, are referring to this morning, I gather," he said after settling his eyes on an innocuous potted tree.
"Your French accent was passable, but the Portuguese was atrocious."
"That is possibly because I have at least been to France, whereas I have not had the opportunity to visit Portugal."
"On your Grand Tour, I expect, after university?" Her eyes challenged him yet again. "I had wondered where you learned such language."
That brought his head back around quick enough. He lowered his voice and leaned in, his breath brushing her cheek. "The content of what I said was not intended for your ears." His hand had begun to move along the small of her back—his thumb caressing the silk ever so slightly, movement to match his low, seductive tones. "Come now, you must believe that had I known you could understand me, I should never have said those things. It was a stressful morning, and I was merely...amusing myself."
"Yes, gentlemen rarely think beyond their own amusement," Gail replied stonily. But then, with false brightness, "Do you know, I had intended to blast you for your appalling sense of decorum for even thinking, never mind saying, such things. Then it occurred to me just how utterly mundane your silly phrases were, it seemed almost pitiful to berate you for them."
Max heard some outraged gasping sounds—he was fairly certain they were coming from him.
"Mundane?" he repeated, shocked to his core.
"Uninspired, to say the least. Unimaginative. Uninteresting," Gail decided.
"For something so uninteresting, it certainly caught your attention," he shot back, but Gail waved it aside.
"Honestly, you are so British. 'I want to take off all your clothes' is the best you could come up with? The French are far more poetic—and more depraved, if that was your intention. And do you know how many words the Greeks have for the curve of a woman's flesh? I heard far more creativity dockside in half a dozen cities. You are not unintelligent, Max. I expected better."
His thumb stopped moving languidly on her back, as his hand fisted in the silk of her dress. A hundred thoughts flashed through his brain—not the least of which was images of a woman's flesh in Greece, depraved poetry in France, and the removal of clothing in Britain. So this is what the mind feels like when it's reeling, Max wondered dazedly. What disturbed him more was that the flesh he kept inter-continentally flashing to belonged to someone very close at hand.
"Where did you...how did you...?"
Gail released a husky little laugh that shot straight down to Max's lower anatomy. "I listened. I've walked the lanes and avenues of every city I've ever been to. That's how I learn the languages. People say a number of interesting things when they think you can't understand them."
A lesson Max could take to heart after this morning.
"A young lady should not be exposed to the vulgar language of the general populace," Max said stiffly, trying to turn the conversation to something more comfortable, namely, Gail's faults.
"Actually, the most interesting phrases came from the 'gentlemen,'" she replied archly.
Max regarded this eighteen-year-old woman, who by all rules of decent society should never have been let out of the country—let alone admitted into that plane of thought where baser notions existed—yet she espoused her opinions with such a wide-eyed innocence, he had half a mind to tell her she knew not of what she spoke, and then, cravenly, inform her.
Instead, he said impulsively, "You must have loved it."
Her face warmed. "I did. I do. I miss it. I miss seeing new things, new places. Not everywhere thinks like England, you know."
"What do you mean?"
She shrugged. "I can't help but think we are far too impressed with ourselves and therefore think too lowly of everyone else."
Max smiled. "But then again," he debated, "most societies think their own is superior to all others."
"True," Gail conceded. "But England takes an almost childlike glee in having a world under its thumb. Why do we consider ourselves to own India? Or Australia? Other people were there first, some of them living in societies much further advanced than ours, but we won't let ourselves see beyond the differences. Take the Greeks for example, we have raped them of their very history, when young men like you go on grand tours and come back with antiquities, and..." She stopped when she saw Max's bemusement.
Her cheeks had taken on the most delightful hue of pink, her eyes the color of fire, and Max couldn't tear his attention away from the way her whole person warmed and moved when she was impassioned. His imagination highlighted other ways she could become impassioned before he could stop it.
"I'm sorry," she said, letting go the stream of fire she was building up in a sigh. "I tend to become heated about this subject."
Max was wholly entranced. "Young ladies aren't supposed to talk like you."
"You have just stumbled onto my greatest failure. I have too often spoken exactly as I thought, not as I should. So, it seems easier to not say anything."
"You have been truthful to the point of bluntness tonight, Brat," Max countered in a whispered growl, but Gail shook her head.
"I have long since given up any care what you think of me. It frees me to be honest." She tried to smile ironically, but the sadness in her voice struck at his heart. On the one hand, he was strangely pleased to have no cause for pretense with Gail. It was certainly freeing, and it made him feel almost special. But, he also realized the very intelligence that defined her was a trial to her. She wasn't allowed to speak her thoughts—because it wasn't what proper young ladies did. Or rather, she didn't have the thoughts of a proper young lady.
He pulled her an inch closer. If the matrons saw, they would have his head. But when he looked into her eyes, he saw a naked vulnerability he would have never guessed was there—not in this hard-shelled, wisecracking, insult-lobbing hellion. She looked like a woman who needed holding, and he wanted to be the one to hold her, just for a moment.
But as soon as he saw it, that transient vulnerability was gone, replaced by an up-quirked eyebrow.
"The music stopped," she said, breaking into his mind.
Indeed it had. The pairs of dancers around him had stopped moving and broken apart. Polite applause for the musicians sounded through the hall, as the young ladies and gentlemen moved about, changing partners, organizing themselves for the next dance.
Max slowly released his hand from Gail's waist and escorted her off the floor. They walked silently toward the edge of the room, where Will was already standing and chatting with Evangeline.
"You didn't tell your sister what I said," Max whispered.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you...for not revealing how mundane I am."
Her lips twitched up, and she blushed. "It's simply that I didn't—"
"One last question, Miss Gail," Max interrupted, before she could say anything further. "You have a knack for languages," he began, and she smiled impishly.
"Yes, I have, as you say, 'a knack.'"
"I have a talent myself. I took a First at Oxford in French, Spanish, and German," he said, not without some pride.
"How lovely. Is there a question coming, or shall I just fawn over your brilliance?"
"Feel free to fawn anytime," he replied, winning an approving smile, "but I meant to ask you how many languages you speak."
"A goodly number. How many do you speak?"
"Fluently? Or enough to get by?"
"Enough to get by."
He counted on his hands. "Six, including Latin. How many is a goodly number?"
She sighed the sigh of the long suffering. "Fluently, or enough to get by?"
"Enough to get by."
"Counting Latin?"
"Counting Latin."
"Because you realize it is a dead language; there is no present culture that speaks it as its main form of communication."
"I said, counting Latin!" But he kept his voice low, so only Gail could hear his ire.
"Fourteen," she replied immediately.
Max gaped. They had reached their friends' sides, but all his attention was focused on Gail. Will and Evangeline watched the exchange with wide-eyed interest.
"Name them," he challenged.
She sighed. "English, French, Spanish, German, Dutch, Swedish, Russian, Latin, Pig Latin, Portuguese, Arabic, Turkish, Hebrew, and Greek," she quickly supplied.
"Miss Gail, you speak all those languages?" Will interjected. She and Evangeline nodded in response.
Max was dumbstruck. Fourteen? But...
"Pig Latin? That's not a language," Max said curtly.
"Yes, it is."
"No, it's not—not a real one."
"But I require it in my list," Gail stubbornly defended.
"You have thirteen others!" Max burst out.
"But, Lord Fontaine," Evangeline stepped in, placing her hand on his arm soothingly, "thirteen is an unlucky number."
"Yes," agreed her sister, "and since you included Latin, I had to include Latin, and—"
"I understand!" Will said triumphantly. "You needed to count Pig Latin to make the number something other than thirteen."
"Precisely."
"May I ask, what did you do when you were thirteen years old?" Max said sarcastically. "Pretend to be fourteen?"
Gail looked to her toes. "Of course not," she mumbled. "But I did trip a great deal."
Max had to smile—but only a little. She was exasperating. But always surprising. He shook his head in mock defeat.
"You win, Miss Gail. I am utterly undone by your obviously superior mind." But Gail's face went cold, as pained as if he had struck her.
"I never viewed it as a competition, sir."
"Yes, hardly a competition at all, eh, Fontaine?" Will said jovially, slapping his friend on the back, trying to alleviate the sudden black mood. Max cracked a strained smile.
"You did not list Italian, Miss Gail," Max said finally.
"No, we never went to Italy," Gail replied, blinking.
"Well, thank God for that." He bowed and began to lead Evangeline to the punch bowl.
"Oh, Lord Fontaine!" Gail called after him, and as he turned, his eyes captured hers. And held them for an eternity.
"Thank you for the dance."
## Fifteen
ALTHOUGH the world of Britain's social elite revolved around the Season, which ran from just after Easter to the end of Parliament's session on the twelfth of August, what greased society's wheels was gossip. So, as it would happen, as it should happen, and as it was always known to happen, the events of the previous evening were discussed over the breakfast table in every household of note. (And even some households of no note—but since they are insignificant in the scheme of this story, their reactions do not signify.)
So naturally, in the course of eggs, coffee, steak, kidney, and jam, the Pickerings mentioned the lovely decor of the great hall of Almack's, Lady Hurstwood's daughter gushed over her two dances with Captain Sterling, and Lord Draye said he was most impressed with this year's crop of marriageables. Young Lord Ommersley didn't say much that morning; he was nursing his head and his pride. However, polite conversation quickly turned more sloe-eyed and juicy, and everyone took care to mention Lord Fontaine. He danced a great deal with Miss Evangeline Alton, don't you agree? Why yes, Mother, I did see that, he stood up with her twice! And fetched her punch at every turn. What does it mean? Well, my dearest husband, I have no notion, only that Lord Fontaine has been continually in the Altons' drawing room since the Alton girls came out. But what about the rumors? Rumors? Bah, Miss Sally, I'll be tellin' ya whot—that comes to nuthin'—no proof—and the chit's parent's let 'im in tha house meantimes? Them rumors 're pure rubbish. Just some maid tellin' stories, dozy cow.
While this course of gossip was by far and away the standard for the day, a select few had noted something else in Lord Fontaine's behavior the previous evening.
Lady Charlbury had been one of the first to notice, because she had eyes on her person of interest all evening. It was odd, as someone who tried to avoid liking young people whenever possible, she found herself liking Miss Gail Alton. She watched as that odious Lord Ommersely backed Miss Gail into a corner (really, she must speak with Lady Jersey about his Almack's admission) and the subsequent rescue by Lord Fontaine. She watched as they danced—stumbling at first and then with a flair and intensity that sent a ripple of warm feeling through Lady Charlbury.
And Lady Charlbury was not a woman given to warm ripples.
They spoke animatedly, with arch looks and challenging postures. She couldn't hear what they were saying, of course, but she doubted the topics were restricted to the spring weather and the number of couples. They didn't move delicately, instead they made the dance a fluid battle, well worth watching. Lady Charlbury leaned to whisper something to this effect in Lady Jersey's ear, but thought better of it. This observation she would keep to herself and see how it developed.
The next person to note Lord Fontaine's remarkable waltzing technique had just recently walked in from the refreshments room, not being one for dancing.
Baron Rentworth, faithful informant to the Earl of Longsbowe, had stepped away from the tables of mutton and cheese for the opportunity to stretch his legs, and wandered into the crowded ballroom. He was surprised when he spotted the Earl's only son on the dance floor, for he had not known the young man would be there. The viscount was dancing quite remarkably well, Rentworth reflected, with a tall brunette young lady. Always aware of his duty to the Earl, Rentworth leaned over to the nearest person, a young man engaged in raucous conversation with his companions, and not at all inclined to assist a portly old man in stays and pink waistcoat. So when Rentworth asked who was partnered with Lord Fontaine, the young buck glanced at the floor, said the name "Alton," and returned to his jokes and laughter.
So this must be the upstart young lady the Earl was so disapproving of! The one Lord Fontaine was intent upon marrying. She seemed pretty enough, he supposed, but nothing uncommon. However, Lord Fontaine seemed utterly engaged by her conversation. Perhaps it wasn't so bad a match as all that, if he was keen on the girl. Rentworth hoped to get a better look at the future countess when the dance ended, but when it did, Fontaine led Miss Alton in the opposite direction, toward his friend Mr. Holt and another young lady. He tried to cross the room, but by then it was impossible, as another dance was starting in the too crowded space. He shrugged, committed the girl's features to memory, and retired again to the dining room.
The third person to take a wide-eyed notice of Gail and Lord Fontaine's fiery, mesmerizing waltz was someone who had the unfortunate tendency to think of Gail second, and therefore immediately taking notice of her seemed odd.
Romilla had been flirting harmlessly with an old acquaintance, keeping her sharp eyes on Evangeline and her sharp ears open to catch even the barest hint of malicious gossip about her girls. Although her intention had been to be the ever-vigilant chaperone, she could not help but feel the excitement of it all. Almack's! She hadn't had the opportunity to dance in these halls during her own season, oh so many years ago. Her marriage had been so quick, and her mother so disapproving...Then, her first husband had whisked her away to Europe mere hours after their wedding.
He had been an undersecretary to the ambassador of Spain—respectable, but certainly not particularly highborn (then again, neither was she). But together, they were working to become influential, to shape the world—he, having the ear of the ambassador, and she being his perfect hostess. Who cared if her letters home were always returned unopened? She was making great friends abroad, and one day, her husband would have his own appointment, then they would triumphantly return to England, he'd run for Parliament, and...
But then came the fever—and suddenly she was alone.
Now here she was, finally in the grand hall, over a decade past. She had buried a husband in Spain, lived through years on her own, and survived. But that part of her life was past, and here were the faces she'd missed and the ones she'd not had the chance to know. The English fashions and dances, the music—all of it called to her blood, saying, "Welcome home." It affected her so, there were a few times when she had to blink back tears.
So naturally, she missed it when Lord Fontaine took Gail to the dance floor.
Only the beginning, at least. While Romilla was laughing with a group of new friends, Mrs. Pickering tapped her on the arm with her fan and drew her attention to the dance floor, where her own twin daughters were dancing with Lord Whatshisname and Mr. Something or Other. Romilla had stopped listening the moment she saw Gail dancing with Lord Fontaine. In theory, there was nothing improper about it. Lord Fontaine and Gail were well acquainted, having been in each other's daily presence for a week now. Gail had received permission to waltz. Lord Fontaine was, in fact, to be her brother-in-law.
But the way Fontaine looked at Gail, the way he leaned in to whisper in her ear—the flash in his eyes when she said something—Romilla couldn't put her finger on it, but it made her very nervous.
Was he holding her a bit too close for propriety? Was his grip at her waist just a hair too tight? Was she...good Lord, was she smiling at him? Romilla glanced to her companions, but they didn't seem to notice anything amiss. Their eyes fell rarely on Gail, as they were looking out for their own interests. When the dance ended, Romilla began to breathe easier, but as Lord Fontaine escorted Gail to the side, there was still a palatable tension between them—was it only she who could see it?
Romilla prayed she was the only one to see it.
As Gail was deposited with Mr. Holt, and Evangeline was once again on Lord Fontaine's arm, Romilla returned her attention to her companions and slipped easily into their conversation. Luckily such inane chatter didn't require much of her mind. That was consumed by a much more volatile topic.
THE next morning, Romilla had the girls up at their usual hour, regardless of the fact that they hadn't gotten home until well past two. She was waiting for them as they came down the steps, holding hands and chatting with the speed and incoherence of youth. It was not yet eight o'clock, and Gail was dressed for her morning ride in the dark green habit, holding that wretched swatch of leather she called a hat. Both curtsied as they greeted Romilla.
"Abigail, what is that in your hand?" Romilla asked, ice freezing her voice.
Gail blinked. "'Tis my hat, ma'am," she replied.
"And you actually intend to wear it?" Romilla mixed incredulity and sarcasm, and watched as Gail shrunk into herself.
"I...I only wear it riding, ma'am, in the mornings." Gail had brought it to her chest, clutching it like a mother protecting her child.
"You have a hat that matches that habit, do you not? I know so, I purchased it for you. If you will not wear the appropriate hat, you will not go riding, whether it be in the early morning or at high riding time."
Evangeline's jaw dropped, and she held all the tighter to her sister's hand. Romilla feared she had gone too far, and that Gail might cry. But only for a moment. The child then straightened her spine and looked down her nose at Romilla (easily done, considering their height difference, but haughtiness was not a posture Gail often tried with her stepmother).
"Fine," was the reply, as she let go of her sister's hand. "I'll go find the appropriate hat."
Gail turned from her stepmother with the bone-deep strength of a queen and did not slump or look behind her as she climbed the stairs. When she was out of sight, Evangeline turned to Romilla, her eyes fiery, her lips so tight they were white.
"That was uncalled for," she said quietly.
Romilla turned innocent eyes on her eldest stepdaughter. "I know your sister has some silly sentimentality for that hat, and it does you credit to defend her feelings, but it is inappropriate. Evangeline, dearest, you know it is. She needs to learn how to dress and act correctly."
Evangeline shook her head. "That was not a lesson in propriety." She pointed to the empty spot where Gail had stood. "That was a lesson in control. And it was little, and mean." Evangeline turned up the steps. "I have some letters to write," she said over her shoulder. "I'll take my breakfast upstairs."
Romilla stood at the base of the stairs alone for a full minute. She was shaking, but her fury was directed at herself. Why had she said that? Why had she lashed out in such a horrible way? She had intended to take the girls into the breakfast room, find some way of speaking to Gail alone, and ask her calmly about the dance last night with Lord Fontaine. But the minute she had seen that hat...her mind went black, all her good intentions had gone out the window. She could only think that this girl continued to defy what was right, what was proper. So she said something mean and made Gail, and herself, feel small and wrong. Romilla laid her head in her hands. This was not the way she had intended to start the morning.
EVANGELINE knocked quietly on Gail's door. When no one answered, she silently turned the handle and stepped inside. It was empty. On the bed sat the brown hat that Gail had worn riding ever since the first time she had sat on a horse. Evangeline smiled a little at its ugliness. Next to it sat a newly empty hatbox, wrinkled tissue paper lying around it.
She would go riding after all, meanness be damned.
"Well done, Gail," Evangeline whispered, daring the walls to hear it.
TENSION can build in a household on incidents such as these, or it can dissipate. In Number Seven, it was simply put on hold. There was too much to do, Romilla surmised, than to worry over hurt feelings. The dinner for the Barivian ambassador was to be the next day, and the entire house was busy in intense preparation. It was a whirlwind of activity when Gail returned from her ride, muddy and flushed. She and Evangeline were immediately taken to the modiste's for a final fitting of their latest slate of gowns, as well as to acquire gloves, hats, underthings, and all the necessities to match. When Lord Fontaine and Mr. Holt called, for the first time in their acquaintance with the Altons, they were not admitted, for the ladies were not at home. In fact, they were told most seriously that the Alton ladies were scheduled for every minute of this day and, right up until the dinner party.
Max left his card and the flowers he had brought with Morrison and headed down the steps, almost at a loss as to how to spend this newfound time—so used was he to spending his mornings with the ladies.
Holt, with a surprise morning free, tried his best to shrug off disappointment, decided to head to the docks to check on some newly acquired ships.
"I still haven't any idea why Father would purchase such a light flier, no less three of them," Will said, frowning, "and now I'm to find some use for 'em. They've got good-sized strongholds, maybe they'd do well on moderate journeys to the Spanish coast."
He invited Max along to investigate the new purchases, knowing how his friend was enamored of the ships, but Max decided against it. He was behind in his own work. There were several documents he had been contracted to translate from German and Italian into English, and a novel waiting to be turned from English into French. Max spent the morning, night, and following day lost in his work, for he considered nothing more graceful than the study of words.
When he at last emerged from his hollow, he posted his finished work to the appropriate officials and publishers, was shaved and cravated, and turned from a scruffy intellect into a gentleman of breeding, arriving at the Alton's doorstep right on time.
Romilla was in place to greet him immediately.
"Lord Fontaine, welcome." She was striking in a deep plum gown with black jet beadwork. The feathers pluming out of her coiffure matched the gown exactly, the diamonds at her throat glittered discreetly. She was the epitome of a politician's wife, the first line of defense. Poised and confident, no one would guess if her heart was beating twice as fast as normal.
She welcomed him into the drawing room, where he had spent many a morning recently, but now it was cast in candlelight and peopled by a dozen formally dressed ladies and gentlemen. He was introduced to Mr. Fortings, who sat in the House of Commons, a "friend of the family," Lady Alton had said. As representative of a very powerful borough, he held several proxies and could sway just about any vote. Lady Jersey took Max's arm, as Romilla turned to greet newly arrived guests, and introduced him to the Duke of Wellington, who was somehow shorter than Max had always imagined him to be. Not nearly as short as Napoleon, mind, but the legend, it seemed, had a way of dwarfing the reality.
Lord Bambridge was an acquaintance of his father, the Earl; Lord Draye and Lord Pomfrey seemed to be the best of friends, as did their wives. A formidable alliance in the House of Lords—and they seemed to gaze with rapture upon Sir Geoffrey, who was leading them in conversation.
"Ah! Lord Fontaine!" Sir Geoffrey called out, beckoning Max over. They made bows and introductions. "I'm pleased you could attend."
"Indeed, sir," Max replied. "I doubt I could ever resist an invitation to your home."
"Of course. You are always game for a social call, aren't you?" Sir Geoffrey said, a silver glint in his eye.
Max sucked in his cheeks, determined not to rise to the bait. Sir Geoffrey's comment had the tone of disapproval, as if Max did nothing in life but attend parties. The others in their small circle were regarding him closely, eager to see what would occur next. But before he could say anything, gracious or otherwise, two arrivals happened in quick succession. First Evangeline and Gail Alton walked into the drawing room, capturing Max's attention. Evangeline looked her usual resplendent self in ivory silk. Gail, however, looked entrancing in a burnt gold, he thought, somewhat against his will. The glow of candlelight made her seem touched by Midas, his eyes followed her form automatically. And when she caught his gaze, the flush that spread up her cheeks made her glow all the more.
But then, on the heels of the girls, Romilla ushered in Count Roffstaam, ambassador from Barivia, the honored guest of the party, and his wife. Sir Geoffrey made his excuses to the group around him and headed over with warm greetings for the Count. Max left to seek the side of Evangeline Alton, but kept his eyes on the newest arrival. So this was the man who could open trade relations with England for his country. Again, Max had thought he would be taller.
The Count was a short man, but with a back so rigid, so very Prussian, he made full use of his whole five feet one inches. His dress was sober and impeccable, his nose high in the air, his sparse hair swept back in a surprising pink ribbon that matched his waistcoat. Indeed, it also matched his wife's dress. Pink, it seemed, was the official color of Barivia. The Countess of Roffstaam stood beside him with her nose just as high in the air. She was rather extravagantly dressed and making the same good use of her bony frame and full six feet. If they weren't so very authoritarian, Max thought, they would be funny.
No sooner had the honored guests murmured greetings than the bell rang for dinner. Sir Geoffrey took Romilla's arm, followed by the Count and Countess, the Duke of Wellington, and all the other assembled guests. Max gave his arm to Evangeline, but Gail was left unescorted. Max looked about the room for a second before realizing his friend Holt was not there, as he had not been invited. Was there no one to match the second sister? What kind of hostess would allow for a dinner party with an uneven number of males and females?
Max opened his mouth to offer his other arm to Gail, just out of politeness, of course, when suddenly, Mr. Fortings came from behind and took her arm. She curtsied and smiled at this old man, while Max watched. She looked wry. She looked in good humor. She blushed and nodded, as Fortings spoke something in her ear.
"Lord Fontaine?" A gentle voice at his side broke into Max's thoughts. He brought his head around and blinked his way back to Evangeline's enquiring face.
"Should we not follow the other guests?"
"Yes," he answered. "Yes, of course." He did not turn around to look at Gail one last time. Instead, he looked down into Evangeline's face, saw its gentle concern, and with a breath, smiled.
DINNER parties were, in Gail's experience, mundane affairs. The most anyone had to say was a politeness about the food or the decor, or the pleasurable activities in which they spent their days. Conversation was held with those to the left or right of you, never above a murmur. Mostly, Gail would converse minimally but politely with the matron on her left and comment on the forecasted weather for the shooting season to the gentleman on the right. If that gentleman were red-faced and portly, and the matron wore a jeweled turban and showed far too much cleavage, Gail would consider her night complete.
But tonight, the conversation was loud, intelligent, stubborn, and important.
"Why should we repeal the Corn Laws?" Lord Draye said boisterously. (He sported that red face and belly that lent itself to the boisterous.) "We must keep the price of corn stabilized in England. The introduction of the sliding scale last year is going to be an immense help."
"Ah yes, Corn is King," said Mr. Fortings from Gail's left, quoting a satirical article in the Times. "Too bad it leaves the man who works the factory starving and the man who owns the land wealthy."
"Mr. Fortings, you own land. Indeed, I've been to your estate." This from Lord Pomfrey. "Are you saying you have more money to give the government?"
"Landowners are taxed, too, and quite well," piped in Lord Draye.
"I am well aware," defended Mr. Fortings, "but by keeping the price of corn artificially high, we are only doing damage to the economy and the families of factory workers."
"Bah! This is still an agricultural country! Parliament is not done over with industry folk quite yet!" Lord Draye said, banging his fist on the table.
"That Parliament does not represent them, doesn't mean they don't exist..." and such the argument would chance to go for hours.
At the other end of the table, Prime Minister Lord Wellington was amusing the countess with a wartime tale. "Oh yes, but when the troops had reformed the line at the field, we found the enemy had fallen back..." It was a tale oft told, but not by the general himself. Sir Geoffrey chuckled along with the countess, no doubt remembering his own part in the Napoleonic trials.
Gail didn't know which way to turn her head. Max was directly across from her, listening to Mr. Fortings debate with the House of Lords. Evangeline sat on his right and was making some comment about the beef course and how unfortunate it was Mr. Holt could not attend. (The girls had been quite disappointed when Romilla informed them Mr. Holt was not invited. He was in trade, after all.) Gail's attention eventually drifted to the Count, who was speaking in broken English to Romilla.
"Yes, my country is ze most beautiful. Farm and such pretty mountain, and ze field and ze coast. I cannot imagine my country ever being anything but...ah...ze word...nice. Friedlich."
The gentlemen involved in political debate had (quite loudly) moved on from the Corn Laws to the relatively young government in America, and were not listening to the count's description of Barivia's pastoral beauty. The other end of the table had not broken their conversation either. Gail looked up and met Max's eyes. A small inclination of his head in the direction of the Count told her that Max had been listening, too. Indeed, besides Romilla, they seemed to be the only people attending to the Barivian emissary's words. Gail lifted an eyebrow as the count described his family farm, the beautiful castle nestled next to the hills, and the disappointment of only having second-rate chocolates. Gail noted Max's mouth quirked up at the sides, and Gail had to admit, hers did, too.
And then Mr. Fortings leaned over and asked a question about the empirical rights of Britain abroad, drawing her attention away from Max and the Count.
WHEN the ten courses were served, exclaimed over, and consumed, and every war story that the duke could reasonably tell was told, Romilla rose and lead the ladies away. What ladies did after dinner was one of the great mysteries to men—though not great enough to abandon their port and cigars and find out. Besides, this was the time for Sir Geoffrey and the Count to open the floor to negotiations. They needed to come to an agreement, and tonight was the first step.
The Count and Sir Geoffrey settled next to each other and began to talk. Pleasantries exchanged (I'm so pleased you came to London, and so on.), they started to discuss the iron ore.
"Yes. Ve are pleased vith the find. But ve are vary, as vell."
Really, the man should avoid Ws at all costs.
"Yes, of course, and I assure you, if you were to sell it to us, we would be extremely generous to Barivia financially."
The Count nodded, but in a manner that said he expected Sir Geoffrey to keep going.
"Ah," gruffed Sir Geoffrey, "we would, of course, help you set up the mining practices and the railway to run it to Hamburg for shipping—"
But the Count cut him off with a wave of his hand, much to the surprise of all the gentlemen. He then stuck a cigar into his mouth, puffed quietly, and refused to speak, no matter how anyone tried to engage him in conversation. After about ten minutes, Sir Geoffrey was getting quite worried, not that he would let it show. He moved away from the group of men's chatter, and went to the window, and stared out. In his diplomatic endeavors, Sir Geoffrey was used to difficult relations, although generally people did not simply stop talking altogether. This was just the first step. In times such as these, all he had to do was step away and think for a few minutes, and the answer would come to him.
"Ahem." A throat cleared to attract his attention.
Generally, of course, he did not have to contend with his daughter's suitors when doing his thinking.
"Lord Fontaine," Sir Geoffrey said, trying to maintain amiability, but failing miserably. "Are you enjoying your evening?"
Lord Fontaine decided to skip over the niceties. "I think I have a solution for you."
Sir Geoffrey took a puff of his cigar. He was thankful Romilla could not stop him from smoking here. It would be too stressful to go without tonight.
"Do you?" he inquired, and Lord Fontaine nodded. "You, who have so much experience in diplomacy, in foreign trade, in Barivian customs and concerns, have a solution that would allow England access to the purest source of iron ore on the continent?" When Max simply nodded again, Sir Geoffrey took another puff of his cigar. "Go to it."
"The Count, at dinner, was describing how pretty his country was," Max began.
"Yes, I know, and probably boring my wife to pieces with it."
"He was saying," the young man continued, "that he could not imagine it looking any other way. That it was friedlich—peaceful. I'm not the only one who noticed, Miss Gail heard it as well."
"So?" Sir Geoffrey questioned.
"You offered to build a railway to take the iron to Hamburg to be shipped here. If they wanted to build a railway to Hamburg, they would have sold the rights to the ore to Hanover already. But they don't. They absolutely do not want a railway cutting through their farms and ruining the countryside. They desperately want to hold on to, to protect, their traditional ways of life."
"What do you suggest?" Sir Geoffrey asked, now suitably intrigued.
"The ore was discovered in a rock face not half a mile from the shore, correct? Set up a small shipping port there—bypassing the rest of the country, leaving it be in all its pastoral beauty. It will be a shipping stop solely for use by the mine to run back to England."
"Interesting," Sir Geoffrey said, after a minute. "Very interesting idea. I was afraid for a moment you were going to tell me to offer him more money."
"Oh, he doesn't want your money," Max said, receiving a wry look from Sir Geoffrey. "Actually he does want your money, but he wants his country as well."
Sir Geoffrey grinned, taking another puff. "But where would we get a ship to run this route? A Royal Navy ship cannot be sent, it would raise the ire of the Hanoverians, and they would attempt to conquer Barivia if they think we are invading."
"A private line can be established."
"And at what cost? It would have to be small ships willing to take heavy cargo in smaller amounts. And only one product? Unheard of. Most of the companies I know have all their interests in the south seas and none in a piddly little country no one's ever heard of."
Max smiled. "I know of one that might be willing to take the job."
THREE days later, it was all arranged. After the dinner party, Max had run directly to Will's bachelor lodgings and pounded on the door until his friend was roused from bed.
"I have found a purpose for your new ships," Max had said.
"What the devil...?" Will yawned. "Fontaine, what on earth...?"
Max had quickly explained to Will the plan. Will may have been half asleep, but Max knew he was a shrewd enough businessman to be able to consider the opportunity presented to him.
"I don't know. Iron ore is not the easiest cargo; it's very heavy. That's why it's usually processed first, then shipped. Plus, my father was considering refitting the ships and using them to start a route to China. And while I'm not overjoyed about the prospect, Chinese goods are all the rage."
Max paced around Will's foyer, while Will sat slumped on the stairs in his dressing gown, nearly asleep.
"Forget China—it takes two years to return, over treacherous seas and indulging in some fairly shady trading practices. This is a product with an established market. Your new ships have strong holds, you said so yourself. There and back to the Barivian coast takes three weeks! And, while on one way you take iron ore to England, on the way back you take English goods to a new, untapped market," Max schemed. "How can you possibly say no?"
Will yawned. "Is this about helping the shipping line or impressing your soon-to-be father-in-law?"
Max's eyes hardened. "You'd be a fool of a businessman to pass up such a ripe prospect." His voice was clipped. "And you know it. And if Sir Geoffrey is impressed by the deal, 'tis nothing more than an added advantage."
Will was quiet for a few minutes more. Then, standing, he said, "Let's go talk to Father."
Talking to the senior Mr. Holt took two days, seeing as he was in Bristol, but the old man was easily won over, not only by the idea of a new exclusive line of trade but by his son finding a good use for the new ships.
"Maybe I can retire early!" his father had said, much to his son's shocked and pleased ears. In fact, Mr. Holt was so eager for the deal, he and Mrs. Holt accompanied Max and Will back to town to meet with Sir Geoffrey and Count Roffstaam.
"I am pleased vith this solution, Sir Geoffrey," The Count said as the papers were presented to him several days later in the library of Number Seven, "but I am afraid I cannot sign the papers yet."
The whole room looked up. Mr. Holt, Sir Geoffrey, the Duke of Wellington, and Lord Fontaine stared.
"I told my government I should not make my decision until I have spent a few veeks in zis country. Now, be assured, my mind is decided, but I must fulfill my promise to my government. If zey hear I did not, zey would look most unfavorably upon zis contract."
"Count Roffstaam," Mr. Gunnings, the undersecretary to Wellington who had drawn up the papers, began to sputter, "I assure you, ze...er, the contract is perfectly suitable, and no one in your country will think less of you for accepting such an excellent deal so quickly."
"It's not that," Sir Geoffrey spoke. "The Count knows the contract is sound and that it's a beneficial arrangement."
The Count nodded.
"What he's asking for, from the country that is going to be doing an immense amount of business with his, is some trust."
The Count inclined his head.
"We shall give it," Sir Geoffrey said, offering his hand. The count shook it readily. Mr. Gunnings sputtered, but the Duke raised his hand to his undersecretary, smiling, and stood.
The Count shook the Duke's hand, the undersecretary's, Max's, and Mr. Holt's in turn. The two countries were, as of now, if not married in trade, at least betrothed.
The Count was pleased. The Holts were pleased. The Duke of Wellington was so pleased, he promised the Minister of Foreign Trade position to Sir Geoffrey as soon as the papers were signed.
Max was chatting in German with the Count, when Sir Geoffrey sidled up to them.
"Count Roffstaam, may I borrow your companion for a few minutes?"
Max excused himself and followed Sir Geoffrey out of the library through the empty ballroom and to the terrace.
Sir Geoffrey leaned his hands against the stone railing and breathed deeply.
"Too stuffy in there, needed some fresh air," he said. "Too many men congratulating each other on a job well done."
Max leaned against the railing backward, facing the house. He crossed his arms over his chest, and waited.
"It occurs to me," Sir Geoffrey finally said, "that you are the one deserving most of the congratulations."
"I don't think so," Max replied, quietly pleased. "It was obvious, you would have thought of it, too."
"Yes—but it would have taken longer," Sir Geoffrey said. "Stomach your praise like a man and simply say thank you."
"Thank you," Max replied, letting quiet descend again. Sir Geoffrey reached into his breast pocket and brought out a cigar.
"What about fresh air?" Max asked, as Sir Geoffrey cut off the end and lit it.
"Overrated," he mumbled and took a deep puff. Once the smoke cleared, he eyed Max. "I misjudged you." Max looked up at Sir Geoffrey, who kept his gaze on the small garden. "I thought you were someone with no ambition beyond what you were born to. I apologize."
"Thank you, sir," Max said.
"What you managed to bring about in there," Sir Geoffrey motioned to the library, "well, it shows considerable intelligence. Diplomacy, even."
Max took this in. It was an immense compliment, coming from a man such as Sir Geoffrey. Another "thank you," was all he could strangle out, though.
"See, you're better at accepting praise already," Sir Geoffrey said, smiling.
"You sound like your daughter," Max said before he could stop himself.
"Gail?" Sir Geoffrey offered. "Yes, I do. But I'm surprised she spoke freely with you, she doesn't do that too often anymore. Gail gets all of her, let's call it verbal ability, from me. Evangeline takes after her mother: all sweetness." Sir Geoffrey looked away for a moment, a distinct shine in his eyes. He cleared his throat. "That's something I wanted to talk with you about." He paused, took another puff of the cigar, and plowed through. "You know Barivia is a conservative country. They don't even have the waltz there."
Max was silent, knowing Sir Geoffrey would eventually get to where he was going.
"I've decided," Sir Geoffrey said on a sigh, "that men in politics should never have daughters. When they are young, they bring the heart joy, but when they're older, they bring only heartburn."
Sir Geoffrey gave Max a knowing look.
"Sir." Max cleared his throat. "I need you to know that I have no intention of causing any, er, taint to your daughter's name. I never have."
"We will all be spending a great amount of time with the Count and Countess, and we need to be presented as honorable. As keeping our promises."
Max's eyes narrowed. "I do not appreciate your continual questioning of my honor. Now, I've said I'm going to marry your daughter as agreed. That's the end of it."
Max stared stonily at Sir Geoffrey, who met his gaze, and for several considering seconds, they sized each other up.
"Good!" Sir Geoffrey said jovially, breaking the silence as he slapped Max's back. "Let's go back inside and join the melee."
As they walked through the empty ballroom, Sir Geoffrey put a hand on Max's shoulder. "One last thing—I realize you are friends with young Mr. Holt, but how do you know so much of their business practices? How did you know they would have ships available so quickly?"
Max smiled wryly. "I'm an investor."
Sir Geoffrey viewed his soon-to-be son-in-law. "So, you'll not be hurt by the deal that was brokered today." He waggled his cigar in the direction of the library.
"That's not why I did it," Max replied, eye to eye with Sir Geoffrey.
"No, you didn't," Sir Geoffrey stated as fact. "I did underestimate you, didn't I?"
## Sixteen
"I have a surprise for you," Max said upon entering the drawing room a few days later. Gail's head emerged from her book, and her eyes followed Max as he seated himself with athletic grace. Evangeline smiled politely and offered the gentlemen tea. Gail reluctantly marked her page and joined her sister on the settee.
"Surprise?" Evangeline replied. "What is it?"
He took a delicate sandwich from the tea tray and popped it into his mouth. He gave the curious stares he received a mischievous smirk as he chewed.
"I thought we might enjoy an outing today," Max eventually drawled. "After all," he continued, "it's been so long since I've had you to myself—I feel as if I haven't seen you in a week." This comment he directed at Evangeline, giving her an indulgent smile. Gail managed to refrain from rolling her eyes.
"Where are we going?" Evangeline inquired.
"I don't know..." he mused, twiddling his thumbs. "Maybe I shouldn't tell."
Evangeline looked to Mr. Holt, but he replied to her silent question in the negative. "Don't look to me for help—he hasn't informed me of any of this."
Impatiently, Gail bounced to the edge of her seat. And Gail was not the bouncy sort. "Dispense with this nonsense and tell us where we're going!" she exclaimed.
"What makes you think you're invited?" Max shot back, but all he received in reply was an impressively arched brow.
Max cleared his throat. "Well, yes, you are invited." He then added beneath his breath, "But I don't know why you automatically think so, Brat."
"I heard that."
"No you didn't," Max insisted coolly, and moved on. "No, I don't think I'll tell you where we are going. I should like to make it a true surprise."
As Gail's brows drew together in a scowl, Evangeline tactfully intervened.
"A true surprise! This is a wonderful idea, Lord Fontaine. Gail and I have been cooped up in this house far too long. We could do with something resembling fun." She looked pointedly at her sister.
And though she was loath to admit it (out loud, at least), Gail knew this to be the truth. The house had been overrun for days. The Duke, the Count, and half of Parliament had been to call on Number Seven since the agreement had been reached. One couldn't sling a cat in Berkeley Square without hitting a politico, or one of the dozens of ambitious undersecretaries looking to impress Sir Geoffrey with sugarcoated congratulations. Word of his promised promotion had traveled fast. Romilla reveled in the attention of course, but Gail and Evangeline found it a bit trying. The Count liked to visit as well, and had a tendency to pop in at the most unusual times, such as half past seven, in the morning and evening. He always enjoyed engaging Gail in conversation, and although she liked him very much, she had the inkling that she was so often in his company because she was the only member of the household who was fluent in German.
Indeed, Gail could use a bit of air.
She looked up and met her sister's hopeful gaze.
"When shall we leave?" she sighed.
THE carriage pulled up in front of the sixteenth century mansion in Bloomsbury, and the girls stuck their heads out immediately, eager to see where they had been carried. At first glance, it seemed your average building of wealth, the house was divided into wings, and the courtyard bloomed with early spring flowers. However, no one could miss the massive Palladian structure that was being built not a hundred feet away, crowding out the light—if there was indeed any light on this overcast English day.
"The British Museum?" Gail gaped. "You brought us to the British Museum?"
For indeed, it was the British Museum—of sorts. The ancient artifacts, natural history items, and royal libraries that made up the museum had long been housed in the sixteenth century mansion, called Montague House. However, as more artifacts were discovered, and more of those artifacts donated, the need for more space became apparent. When George IV donated his father's extensive library collection, the need became immediate. So, whereas the natural history items were moved to a house in Kensington, the ancient artifacts and library remained in Bloomsbury, and Parliament had commissioned this humongous columned building to eventually house the treasures. An ambitious project that when completed would be larger than Buckingham Palace. Although only a few wings were finished, the most precious and interesting exhibits had already been moved into the new building. Oh, what worldly treasures were housed there!
"You haven't been yet, have you?" Max asked, after giving that lengthy lecture.
"No," replied Evangeline tentatively, "not yet, but—"
"Excellent! I thought it might be particularly interesting," Max said, walking ahead.
Will moved next to Evangeline. "Not to mention gets us out of the house," he stage-whispered into her ear, eliciting an appreciative giggle.
Because the main exhibits were in the new building, Max led them there first. Gail's face shone with intellectual anticipation, and Evangeline's seemed more subdued, but not displeased. Indeed, Max thought, he should not be surprised if Evangeline could weather a plague epidemic with cool serenity. It was a comfort to know she was so steady of character, not given to ungoverned passions. Mild, he decided. Evangeline was mild.
He frowned. Why did that seem like a negative?
Max's grimace was quick lived, for as soon as they entered the mammoth building, his senses, as always, were assaulted by the past. It was as if he stepped from modern London into ancient Greece. The whole hall was filled with relics—the walls lined with bas-reliefs collected by travelers over the past hundred years. The niches that lined the main foyer were filled with statuary from the Townley collection of classical sculpture. He knew this, because he had memorized the guidebook. He pulled the tattered, dog-eared volume out of his coat pocket and made to consult it, but not before sneaking a peak at the faces of his companions. Evangeline was looking about with placid interest, Will's eyebrows raised, no doubt by the impressiveness of the structure, and Gail—her jaw had literally dropped. Her eyes moved left and right and circled with amazing speed, trying to take everything in.
"Well done, Fontaine," Will spoke. "Truly an excellent idea."
Evangeline murmured in agreement, but Gail still couldn't speak—something that Max found incredibly amusing. But before he could comment on it, a porter in livery and powdered wig greeted the party.
"Good morning," Max said, the large halls causing his hushed voice to carry with impressive imperiousness. He fished in his pocket for a card. "I made an appointment last week, for a guided tour."
"Guided tour?" A deep voice boomed out from a shadowed hallway. "Miss Gail Alton could give any guide on staff a lesson on what you see here!"
The party turned toward the voice.
"Mr. Ellis!" exclaimed Evangeline, as both she and Gail rushed forward to greet the older, somberly dressed gentleman, who held out his arms to the girls.
"I was wondering when you would come and give me a visit! Miss Gail, I'm especially surprised at you! You've been in London for how long—over a month now? And not once have you been here to lecture me. Is there no time in your busy lives for one sad and lonely old man?" He took a hand of each girl and kissed them, greeting them as if they were favorite nieces, then turned to address the porter. "The Alton family has a standing invitation. There is no need to confirm the appointment." The porter bowed, handing Max's card to Mr. Ellis before stepping away.
"And whom do you have with you?" Mr. Ellis asked, looking at the card. "Lord Fontaine, I presume?" Max nodded and gave a quick bow. "Henry Ellis, principal librarian of the British Museum, at your service."
As Mr. Ellis turned away to introduce himself to Will, Max could not conceal his amazement. Of course the Altons would be on familiar terms with the curator of the British Museum. Not just any curator, but Mr. Henry Ellis! This man who had traveled the world twice over, made copious notes on everywhere he went, authored books, and considered running the British Museum a form of retirement, was intimate friends with the family of his intended. Of course.
"You, sir, are a legend in your own time," Will was saying.
Mr. Ellis laughed, and Gail said, "Just don't get him started on his 'stranded on a desert isle' story. There isn't enough time in the day." She said it so adoringly, Mr. Ellis turned very nearly pink.
"Lord Fontaine, have you visited the museum before?" Mr. Ellis said, and Max snapped back to attention.
"Yes, it is most impressive."
"Good, then you know where everything is. Ah, I see you have the guidebook as well. Excellent. I'm afraid I cannot take you about myself today."
Gail's face fell.
"But do stop by the library wing before you take your leave. I'm afraid we still have a dozen volumes of Dr. Johnson's dictionary to sort through, and it's been a nightmare!"
And with that, Mr. Ellis disappeared up a massive staircase, mumbling about proper indexing procedures.
"Blimey, Fontaine, I'd wager you didn't expect to meet Mr. Henry Ellis today," Will said, slapping his friend on the shoulder.
"No, I didn't," Max ruefully admitted. "But then again, I've learned never to wager when it involves Gail Alton." He smiled toward Evangeline and Gail, who were already ten steps ahead, looking at an ancient sculpture of a woman draped in robes, holding an urn.
They joined the ladies by the stone woman and asked, "Shall we see some history?"
So they did. The rest of the morning and the whole of the afternoon were spent traveling through the wings of the museum (those that were finished), traveling through time, and imagining life in a different world. The party quickly split into pairs, and although Max had tried to stay with Evangeline, her short steps were no match for his intellectual appetite, and he found himself gravitating toward Gail, who, it turned out, really could teach the museum guides a thing or two. She whispered about the meaning scarab beetles had in Egypt, and lectured about mummification techniques. Max managed to keep up with her, surprising her with his knowledge of the matriarchal society that made women pharaohs before men. They warred with words, wit, and intellect. It's a wonder they didn't kill each other.
On the topic of the Rosetta stone, Max queried of his companion: "Don't tell me you could read it."
She sighed. "Sadly I cannot do everything."
"Surely not!" Max exclaimed, clutching a hand to his chest.
"I shall simply have to content myself with merely being able to do more than you," she responded dryly, and moved onto the next room, Max snickering close at her heels.
Sometimes they would stand and simply stare at a clay pot or a reliquary, and when they looked up, they would find that they had lost Evangeline and Will, who had already lost interest in one room and moved to the next.
"Where are Lord Elgin's Marbles?" Will asked, when they finally caught up with each other. "I should like to see them next."
"They are located in another building," Max said, "but it's attached to this one. This way." And he led them out a side door, under a covered walkway (for indeed, English weather had prevailed in its daily battle with the sun, and it was raining) and into a smaller Palladian building, made to match the large one, but housing only one exhibit.
"Why are they in here?" Evangeline asked.
"Because the room meant to display them hasn't been finished yet, but they didn't want to leave them in the Montague House, away from the rest of the Greek antiquities," Max answered as he led them in.
Inside, they were hardly the only guests. Indeed, the Elgin Marbles, the series of reliefs removed from the Parthenon in Athens, were a very popular exhibit. There were a few members of the Ton present, and Max and Will made bows while the ladies nodded and smiled in acknowledgment. There were also a few middleclass patrons, and some students of art, set up with easels and brushes, trying to capture the beauty of the story that was told on slabs of stone circling the room. Evangeline and Will moved immediately to the wall, to inspect one of the reliefs, but Gail and Max just stood for a moment, taking in the majesty and craftsmanship as a whole.
"They won't be able to do them justice," Gail whispered to Max. She nodded toward the artists. One young man's sketch had captured Evangeline's attention, and she was eyeing it critically.
Gail continued, "To have the warriors come alive, to really be able to see, they need to see the marbles in their proper place."
Max rolled his eyes. He knew he couldn't avoid this. "And have you ever seen them in their proper place?"
"No, of course not," she replied. "They were removed from the Acropolis before I was even born."
"Then how do you know they would look better there?" Max took Gail's arm and led her to a frieze depicting two men on horseback.
"Because they are wrong here!" Gail nearly exploded, causing several to shush her. Mollified, she continued in a whisper.
"We English run over this world as if it were our private property. 'Oh here's something interesting and historically important to a different culture, allow me to take it away, for I am British and always right.' But by flaunting our superiority, we simply reveal our unwillingness to understand everyone else. By refusing to think anyone else could possibly be better, we show our inferiority."
It was a practiced speech, but Max knew she meant every word.
"I see," he said, watching her eyes flare gold. A sight just beyond Gail's shoulder caught his attention. "Yes, I do see. However, there is an inherent flaw in your logic."
Max took Gail by the shoulders and gently turned her around.
A family had entered the room. They looked to be of the middle class—respectable, proper, clean, but clearly not of the Ton. The mother had her hands full with a toddler in her arms pulling at the strings of her bonnet and a young boy clinging to her skirts. However, the father had a girl by the hand, she looked to be about eleven. Both father and daughter were enraptured by the sight and display of the marbles. The girl pointed and tugged her father's hand, he leaned down to answer her whispered questions. Sometimes they made him laugh—sometimes they made his brow pucker. But they were always answered.
"That girl there," Max said lowly into Gail's ear, "will, I doubt, ever have an opportunity to see Greece. It's just as improbable, that when she's grown, the world will ever afford her much opportunity to leisurely read a book on the subject. You yourself have just said that paintings will never do the Marbles justice. But today, here she is, viewing a masterpiece from a world beyond her own. She's asking questions, she wants to know about that world such treasures come from. Maybe, just maybe, the marbles were brought here because Britain is acknowledging that we still have a great deal to learn."
Gail watched the father and daughter move about the room, asking and answering questions in their turn. When the girl turned and saw Gail and Max watching, she smiled shyly at them—and Gail could not help smiling in return.
"I can see your point."
Max hummed in agreement.
"I still believe they belong in Greece."
"I never thought to change your mind," Max conceded.
Gail looked at the friezes in front of her. "I had never seen them before. They are beautiful, aren't they?"
Max smiled down at Gail, her face as enraptured as the young girl's. "Yes," he said. "They are."
They stood together for some time, the marbles holding their attention. The fall of cloth, the posture of a reclining body, the movement of battle—a whole story cut from impassive stone. In that silence one could not help but feel the wonder of it all.
Then Gail broke the silence.
"But, if they had been on the Parthenon when I was in Greece..."
He sighed. "Let it go."
## Seventeen
ALTHOUGH the afternoon moved too fast for those of scholarly inclination, it was moving at a snail's pace for those whose interest waned early. Evangeline, while always one to enjoy a good portrait gallery or stroll in the park, had not her sister's love of all things historical. She tried to keep up with her fiancé, but by the fifth hour she was starting to wilt. Also, the new boots she had decided to wear pinched horribly. Really, when a man plans a surprise excursion, he should at the very least inform the lady of appropriate footwear.
She found Will was much of the same mind. Not regarding the shoes, of course (although if he had been wearing pinching boots, he, too, might have been a bit sour), but he didn't have his friend's interest in far off lands, different cultures, and random trivia.
"Really?" she replied curiously to this new information. "But you run a shipping line, I would think you'd enjoy life abroad."
"Not really." He shrugged. "I paid my dues on a ship, mind you, but what I do now is much more business related. I hate to disillusion you, but I'm not a swarthy pirate who rides the seven seas. I sit at a desk and take inventory and deal with merchants."
Evangeline couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, but I could picture you as a pirate. A patch over one eye, a peg leg, a propensity to say 'arr' at the end of every sentence."
"Sadly not." But he smiled and added, "Arr."
"Arr," she agreed.
As they moved to the next room, following in the wake of a very loud argument from Max and Gail about the historical ramifications of musical composers—they could argue about anything—Evangeline leaned heavily on Will's arm.
"Are you well?" Will asked concernedly.
"I'm perfectly fine. It's my shoes, I'm afraid. They're new, and..."
The rest of her protest was cut off by Will steering her to a nearby bench. "Let's sit down."
Evangeline seated herself, and before she could stop him, before she could even say a word in protest, Will had knelt down and loosened the laces of her boots.
Sweet relief. Evangeline breathed out a long sigh, letting blood flow back into her tortured feet.
"Better?" Will asked as he seated himself beside her on the bench.
"Mr. Holt," she said, her eyes closed and head leaned back in bliss, "that was most improper."
"Miss Alton, do your feet fell better?"
She nodded, feeling her face go pink at the admission.
"Then what's the harm?" He smiled rakishly.
There they sat, she and Will, in the middle of a room full of broken pottery from a time too long ago. The bench was quite small, and Evangeline could feel the length of Will's leg next to hers. And maybe, for just a moment, she gave in to the sensation of pressing hers a little closer—although if questioned, she would staunchly deny it.
The only sounds were the echo of steps of the other museum patrons (who thankfully didn't seem to have noticed any improper shoe-loosening) and the rushed whispers of disagreement from her betrothed and her sister.
"Do you think they'll ever be agreeable?" Evangeline wondered aloud.
Will turned to look at Evangeline, then back to Gail and Max, the former of whom was gesticulating so wildly, she nearly knocked over the only unbroken urn in the room. Luckily, Max caught her arm in time, but it didn't slow her argument's pace.
"I imagine they will. Given time."
"I hope so," she prayed aloud.
Will regarded her curiously for a moment, searching her face.
"It would be a hell for you," he said quietly, "if they didn't. The two most important people in your life, your sister and your husband, not getting along."
Startled, she brought her eyes up to meet his. No one outside of the family was supposed to be aware of the betrothal. William Holt had never given any indication that he knew the whole truth. But his simple statement and quiet countenance told her that this man understood the circumstances in which she found herself. She tried to find words, but her voice was lost.
He squeezed her hand—she hadn't even noticed when he took it. "Come," he said encouragingly. "Let us see if we can tear the Terrible Twosome away and head home. You can soak your feet, and Fontaine looks as if he needs to soak his head."
They stood, Evangeline taking Will's proffered arm, and crossed to the squabbling pair.
"You're insane if you think the fourth symphony is anything other than tragically beautiful, you naive, little—"
Will had to clear his throat rather conspicuously to gain Lord Fontaine's attention. "I believe it's time to end this excursion. I have dozens of things to do, as do the ladies, to prepare for whatever activities are scheduled this evening."
Max blinked owlishly for a moment, not quite yet seeing who had addressed him. Then he fumbled for his pocket watch, exclaiming, "Goodness—I had not realized we had been here so long."
I had, Evangeline thought ruefully.
Gail took the pocket watch from Max's hand (causing him to jerk forward, being attached to the watch) and remarked, "It's not all that late—indeed, we could stay a few—ow!"
As quickly as possible, Evangeline had crossed to her sister, attached herself to her arm, and pinched with all the strength her delicate fingers could muster. And her fingers could muster a surprising amount.
"Ahem." Gail cleared her throat. "I mean, I suppose we should search out Mr. Ellis and say our farewells."
Sadly for Evangeline's feet, they had to walk upstairs to do so.
When they found Mr. Ellis, he was deeply immersed with several other staff members in the organization of the Ks, Ls, and Ms of the late King George III's expansive personal library. He tore himself away from his work, and expressed genuine surprise to see Evangeline and Gail depart—in his estimation—so early.
"This is unfortunate!" he said, polishing his spectacles (there was an uncommon amount of dust in the K–M section). "I was so hoping to give you the tour of the library wing. I should be more than happy to let you prowl through the parts we have yet to open to the public. Also, I should hate for you to miss the new private reading rooms. They are impressively appointed."
Evangeline felt momentarily remorseful—Gail would adore rummaging through the library's unopened sections. And from the enthralled look on Lord Fontaine's face, she wasn't the only one. Wistfulness hung about his frame like heavy clothes. Oh! She so hated to disappoint them. Her resolve to depart steadily weakened, until Will, who had been watching his companions' varied reactions with interest, cleared his throat.
"It's a shame to miss such an opportunity, eh, Miss Gail? Fontaine?" he said, his voice full of sober regret.
"Yes," Max replied.
"Absolutely," Gail said distractedly.
"So you should stay."
"Hmm?"
"The two of you," Will stated neutrally.
It was impossible to tell who spoke first.
"Beg pardon?"
"Excuse me?"
Evangeline looked at Will inquiringly, but he merely gave her an adorable conspiratorial wink and continued speaking in a steady stream.
"Fontaine, you have no pressing engagements, correct? Miss Gail, you have a few hours to spare? Good. I'll escort Miss Evangeline home—er, you mentioned something about a milliner's appointment, am I right? Excellent. And the two of you can explore the library to your intellects' delight. Mr. Ellis, it was truly a pleasure to meet you and see your museum. Fontaine, Miss Gail, I look forward to seeing you at the opera this evening."
And with that he took Evangeline's arm (for indeed she was too stunned to move of her own volition) and led the way down the stairs and out the door.
When they were safely out of earshot, Evangeline tugged Will to a halt.
"What on earth was that all about? You ran right over any protest."
Will grinned. "I knew that if I allowed one word to be spoken, it would be in protest, and then we should never have managed to leave your sister and Fontaine in the library."
"But why?" Evangeline exclaimed.
"Two reasons: First, they both desperately wanted to stay and explore. A blind man could see that."
"Well, yes, of course—Gail lives in books," Evangeline ventured, biting her lower lip.
"The second reason is more oblique. You wish for them to be on good terms, yes?"
Evangeline nodded, so Will continued.
"My father once taught me, the best way to get a cat and dog to tolerate each other is to lock them in a room together. Nine times out of ten, they will be friends when you let them out."
"Oh," Evangeline said, comprehension dawning. As Will handed Evangeline into the carriage, she suddenly squeezed his hand desperately.
"Mr. Holt, er, William...what happens the tenth time?" she asked, anxious.
"One will end up killing the other," Will answered gravely, but then his face split into a grin. "So your problem is solved either way. Now"—he stepped closer to Evangeline, making her breath catch—"what shall we do the rest of the afternoon?"
A stunned Max and shocked Gail were left standing in the main library, with Mr. Ellis looking on. Luckily, he was as absentminded as most librarians when in a library, and his attention quickly shifted back to the stack of papers being sorted by his assistants. With a strangled cry of "No! Those go under 'Land Management!'" he had run the twenty feet to his precious work, leaving Max and Gail on their own.
Max looked at Gail.
Gail looked at Max.
"Well," he said.
"Well," she agreed.
Silence.
"Ah...would it be improper...I mean to say, we can depart if you don't wish to stay."
"Oh, but I do!" Gail cried, then caught herself. A little more gently, she asked, "Er, don't you? Wish to stay, that is?"
"Yes, of course. I should like to see what treasures lie in this place. It's just..."
"Indeed," she agreed.
"Exactly," Max murmured.
"Well," Gail said, squaring her shoulders and putting on her familiar cloak of impertinent bravado, "if you can bear with my officious presence, I shall be your ticket inside. I'll even refrain from correcting your Greek when necessary."
An equally familiar scowl darkened his brow. "Your restraint shan't be necessary."
"Excellent. I find you far more pleasing when you are open to my correcting all your mistakes."
Mr. Ellis led Max and Gail into the back rooms of the library—those not yet open to the public. The shelves were in deplorable shape, piled high with texts not yet sorted by author, date, subject, or any system of classification one could easily identify. However, it was obvious that the books themselves were being kept in decent condition, the leather oiled and all bookworms eradicated by thorough maids. The room was free of dust and well lit by wall sconces and windows that had not yet received the spring cleaning the contents of the room had been subject to.
Mr. Ellis was quickly called back to his sorting duties, but left instructions for the pair to leaf through tomes as they pleased, confident in their ability and interest to respect the books and information they contained. But it must be noted that Mr. Ellis was not so remiss as to close the door. That was left open so anyone who cared to look in could see what the young Miss Alton and Lord Fontaine were up to.
Not that anyone looked.
For a time, Max and Gail lost themselves in the shelves. She began to sort through a pile of volumes detailing the family history of a baronet in Dorset in the late seventeenth century, while Max found himself flipping through the diary of a chaplain aboard a Royal Navy ship during the triumph of Queen Elizabeth versus the Spanish Armada. Deciphering the man's handwriting was difficult, but well worth the effort, for the chaplain had some choice words in his private ramblings for the "virgin" Queen. Max chuckled as he read.
"What are you laughing at?" Gail's voice came from the other side of the shelves.
"Oh, just enjoying the folly of a man who has an opinion on everything. Something you should know a little about, I imagine."
She appeared around the corner of the stacks, leafing through a small volume. Her eyes never left the page as she drawled, "And you consider this folly?"
"That he feels the need to voice it, yes. Who is this chaplain"—he held up the text—"to say anything against Queen Elizabeth?"
"Absolutely no one. Just one of her subjects, forced by law to bow to her whims."
The sarcasm was dripping from her tongue, provoking Max, daring him to contradict her. Which he was more than willing to do.
"A pompous windbag."
"You call him that because he speaks his mind?" Gail asked, her voice controlled, deceptively neutral. She refused to look up from her book.
"I have a question for you," Max drawled. "This man, it seems, thought himself always right, and took care to make sure everyone knew. Don't you think his shipmates found him a bit, shall we say, annoying?"
Her head snapped up.
"If he was right, why should he care if others found him annoying?" Fire flashed in her eyes. "Personally, I can't imagine a life more revolting than compromising every opinion, desire, and truth I have to simply get along with others!"
Max opened his mouth to respond to that explosion of feeling, when a sudden change went through Gail. It was as if all the wind left her body, leaving her once blustery self hollowed, and tired. She smiled weakly. "Now, Lord Fontaine, I have a question for you: How long are we going to keep doing this?"
Whatever question Max was expecting, that wasn't it.
"Doing what?" he asked, befuddled.
"Fighting. Bickering. Get each other's back up. I don't know about you, but whenever we engage in our little battle of wills, I end the day exhausted."
For a moment, Max stood stunned. Then a great burst of air left him.
"God yes, it's tiring."
Gail smiled in relief and then leaned forward, whispering as if taking Max into confidence.
"But fun, too." Her eyes twinkled.
Max grinned. "Fun, too. Sometimes."
She cleared her throat and straightened her back. "I think we need to find some middle ground, Max."
"I apologize if my earlier words were too harsh. I...don't know what the boundaries are with you," he said sincerely, meeting her eyes.
She nodded slowly, her mouth a grim line. "I don't know the rules with you, either."
"Half the time, we're sniping at each other, other times I, well I—"
"Want to kick my throat in?" Gail suggested wryly.
"Nothing so violent. I might wish you a prolonged bout of laryngitis, though."
Gail chuckled. It was a nice sound, deep and warm. Max smiled lopsidedly at hearing it.
"I propose," he said leaning on the shelves, relaxing a little, "that we let it go, just for this afternoon."
"Do you mean we pretend to like each other?" Gail lifted an eyebrow.
"Yes, just for today, you never pushed me off my horse into a lake, and I—"
"Never compromised my sister and are therefore not forcing her to marry?"
"Exactly." He nodded resolutely.
"But we start bickering again tomorrow?"
"Oh, absolutely."
Lit by the sconce on the wall, Max's eyes sparkled in good humor.
"Yes. I accept." Her smile broke forth like sunshine on that gray English afternoon. She extended her hand.
"Excellent." He took her offered hand and shook it once, in binding resolution. Never mind that it took him a second before giving it back.
They stood for a moment staring at each other, before each returned to the books they had been perusing earlier. Standing side by side in that row of shelves, each looking at their books, neither reading. Eventually, Gail, as was her way, broke the silence.
"Well, if we can't snipe at each other, what are we to talk about?"
## Eighteen
AS it turned out, the temporary negotiated truce allowed for the most carefree afternoon that Max had enjoyed since the start of this torturous Season. He found that when she wasn't restricted by fear, or politeness, or a desire to provoke her companion, Gail Alton was quite pleasant company. Playing at being friends opened a wealth of curiosity each had about the other.
It started slowly. As Max was walking from one set of shelves to the next, he passed the open door and saw Mr. Ellis intently sorting papers.
"How did your family become acquainted with Mr. Ellis?" Max asked casually.
Gail looked up from her own volume. "He met my father in...India, I believe. They struck up conversation right away. After that, he would meet us in Greece, Egypt, anywhere our paths crossed. He quickly became a favorite uncle with us, popping up with toys and stories from his travels, always eager to listen to two little girls who moved around too much to have many steady friends."
"Both he and your father are well traveled. I imagine they have much in common."
"Not as much as you would think. They are friendly, yes, but they are forever in the middle of a row. Mr. Ellis is very liberal minded. He believes we should not attempt to enforce our British ideals on other cultures—that we really shouldn't engage them at all. He would say that the best way to learn about another place is to become part of it, blend in, meeting locals, learning the language, et cetera. Basically renouncing everything English."
"Sounds close to your own philosophy. And your father, the diplomat, is very much opposed to Mr. Ellis's extreme view," Max concluded.
"Such differing points of view can cause some friction," Gail conceded.
"Friction?"
"I believe furniture was thrown at one time," she admitted.
Max guffawed in disbelief.
"But in the end," Gail continued, "they respect each other and enjoy the fights. Healthy debate was the foundation of a solid friendship—as opposed to mutual loathing."
A skeptical eyebrow rose. "Thrown furniture is the foundation of a solid friendship?"
Gail shrugged. "It was merely a foot stool. Hardly worth signifying."
As Gail's attention returned to her book, Max allowed his gaze to drift over her. Her eyes moved rapidly over the text, her small pink tongue pressing into her upper lip, her face a picture of studious concentration. Max remembered how Sir Geoffrey had commented that Gail was much more like himself than Evangeline was. She didn't have her father's penchant for blustering or his ability to negotiate the intricacies of a peace treaty with a hostile but defeated nation, but she certainly seemed to have inherited his love of impassioned debate.
Smiling just a little, he turned his attention back to the shelves. After a while, all Max heard was the rustling of skirts in the next aisle over, the turn of a page. Since they had agreed not to bait each other, they were able to go about in companionable silence. Which was a nice change, he decided. He certainly had never had any companionable silences with Evangeline, although silence itself was abundant. Whenever he was alone with Evangeline, the air was so fraught with awkwardness he could barely breathe. Luckily, they weren't alone too often.
"Do you know," Max began, and heard the distinct clunk of a book being dropped. "Did I startle you?" he asked, grinning.
"No...er, well, yes," came the voice from the side of the shelves. "But pray continue."
"I was simply going to comment on how I think I have been in your exclusive company far more than I have been in your sister's."
After a silence, she replied, "Well, yes I suppose you have. But there's alone, and then there's alone-kissing-in-a-moonlit-garden."
"We called a truce, remember?"
"Apologies," she said quickly. "What I mean to say is your current situation is predicated not on the amount of time you spent alone with a lady. It's based on your being caught in a compromising position. Really, you're quite lucky. Imagine if you had been caught alone with me at the ball when we were behind the curtain. In my state, it would have looked to anyone as if something untoward was going on, and then it would be we who were engaged quicker than you could say 'jack rabbit.' What a horror that would be, eh Max?"
"Definitely," was the immediate reply, standard and ingrained. He was lucky that it was Evangeline he found himself attached to. But a niggling little voice in the back of his mind started to whisper. What if? What if it had been Gail?
Would it have been so bad?
"Besides, they don't worry about me," she said quietly. "Not like they do Evangeline."
"They should," Max answered automatically and honestly. More honestly than he cared to admit.
He could hear the eye-roll in her voice. "Max..."
"You shouldn't do that, you know."
"Do what?" She poked her head around the corner, her brow creased with confusion.
"Call me Max," he said clearly. "'Tis wholly improper. Your sister doesn't call me Max, and one would think she has more right to it than you."
Gail smiled reflectively. "Sometimes I call you Max to provoke you," she admitted, stepping into full view, leaning her long frame against the shelves, arms crossed over a book held to her chest. "But the rest of the time, I forget not to."
"Huh," Max said, nonplussed at her bold-faced honesty. "You do realize, such an intimacy would give me automatic leave to address you as Gail."
"But you won't," Gail stated.
"No," he admitted. "I probably won't. It wouldn't provoke you the same way 'Brat' does."
"And provoke it does," Gail said, her voice full of dry humor.
Max regarded her quizzically. "Does it truly bother you so much?"
"I hate it," she replied vehemently. "Almost as much as I despise being called 'Abigail.'"
"I'll stop, then."
She blinked at him a few moments. The corners of his mouth turned up. That certainly threw her off balance.
"But if you don't call me 'Brat,' I shall have to leave off calling you Max," she replied pertly, once she had regained her voice.
He lifted a shoulder. "Now that I know you do it to be provoking, it shan't provoke any longer."
"Your logic astounds me, Max."
"I should imagine it does, Gail."
"I thought you weren't going to call me Gail, either." She eyed him suspiciously.
Another shrug. "With 'Brat' and 'Abigail' off limits, I changed my mind about 'Gail.' Have to keep the field even, don't I?"
As she was reduced to laughter, Mr. Ellis stuck his head in and shushed them with all the gravity of the principal librarian. When he had again retreated to his classification system, and Gail and Max snickered their way to the next isle of books, Max realized that he was truly enjoying himself. How very peculiar.
Soon enough, each had a stack of books under their arms, and they made their way to the private reading rooms. The one they were directed to was about the size of a small drawing room, fully paneled in wood, with oil lamps and magnifying glasses available to assist detailed inspection. A small fire grate was lit and situated next to a pair of winged velvet chairs. A large table was in the center of the room, with sturdy chairs on each side. Max and Gail reverently placed their stacks of books on the table and began to sort through them.
Max was quickly engrossed in a collection of maps, drawn by the first explorers to the New World.
"Have you ever been here?" he asked Gail, drawing her away from a tome on the Greek system of congress.
"No." She stood closely behind him, looking over his shoulder. "We never traveled to the colonies."
"I don't suppose they take kindly to being called 'colonies' anymore." He flipped a page. "What about here?"
"The West Indies?" She shook her head. "No, never been there, either." An errant curl that had escaped her coiffure bobbed along with the movement of her head, momentarily capturing his attention.
"So, there is still much in the world left for you to explore," he said after clearing his throat.
"And I intend to see it all."
Silently Max agreed. He longed to see the tropical islands of the Caribbean, the shores of Boston, the pyramids on the Nile. But being an Earl, or next in line, with a huge property to maintain was not conducive to year-round travel. But then again, neither was being a single young lady.
"You're lucky to have seen all that you have," he ventured. "But what if your husband doesn't wish to travel?"
Gail scoffed. "If my nonexistent husband doesn't wish to travel with me, I shall go alone. There are some things that do not yield to the wishes of others."
Max shook his head. "You only say that because your desires have never been tested. You will marry, have a brood of children—very impertinent ones—and find yourself ten years from now leg-shackled to the life you have, and the dreams of exotic places just that. Only dreams."
"That won't happen," she replied staunchly.
He simply looked at her, sad that for once, he knew more of the world than she. She seemed to understand his thoughts, for she replied adamantly, "In that case I shan't marry."
"Yes, you will." And though the thought gave him a moment's pause, he plunged on. "You will be married and subject to the rule of your husband. If he doesn't wish you to go, then..." He shrugged, allowing the sentence to trail off.
She quirked her head. "Is that what happened to you?"
His eyebrows shot up.
"Not the husband, exactly. But every book you picked is about some far-off place. And yet, beyond your grand tour, you never traveled. Why?"
Max sighed. "It's quite complicated. My father..." he trailed off. "Well, suffice to say, it's a long story."
"Oh, I have time," Gail said, seating herself in one of the large wingback chairs by the fire grate. "Indeed, the world seems to have forgotten us."
It was true. The private reading room lived up to its name. No one had come to check on them. Mr. Ellis and his assistants were engrossed in their work, and Evangeline and Will had promised to make their excuses to Romilla. They were completely alone, and no one seemed to care.
"The door is closed," Max said, dazedly.
Gail waved off his unspoken question in her very Gail-like way. "They saw us before in the other room. They don't worry about you and me."
Unbidden, they should, again flashed through his brain. Instead, he said, "I doubt your mother would be much pleased by that closed door."
"Stepmother, and you are purposely avoiding the subject. I have settled into a somewhat comfortable chair for the promised long story. I suggest you do the same."
Max weighed his options before her steady golden stare and realized he might as well admit defeat. Gail's intense curiosity would not allow her to give up until she knew what she wanted to know.
And strangely enough, Max wanted to tell her.
"To understand my situation, I think you have to understand how I grew up," Max started as he settled into the chair opposite Gail. The firelight flickered against her hair, making the ordinary brown glow with red flame.
"I was raised in Sussex, near a small coastal town called Hollings. For such a small place, it has a fairly good-sized shipping trade in place. Holt Shipping established its first port there, you know." When she nodded, he continued. "Of course you know, you know everything. Well at any rate, I spent my formative years at Longsbowe Park. I spent a good amount of time by myself. My parents had separate lives. I had nurses and governesses. My father was still active in the House of Lords, so he wasn't in the country some of the time. But when he was...he taught me to fish in a stream on the estate. And to shoot. And about the lands that would one day be mine. My father...Longsbowe hasn't changed in generations, you see. Hundreds of years and the land, estates, it's all been exactly the same. I was taught the history of every tree, who planted it and why, the crops and how long we've been growing the same thing in the same place. Now, I enjoy history. Learning about new places and things and ideas that never landed on our shores is interesting—after all, without knowing what came before how can we advance? But Longsbowe is history. It can be..." Max's voice became a little too rough for his liking. He cleared his throat, and began again.
"Anyway, my father wasn't around often when I was young, and I was relatively alone, which isn't abnormal. I would run three miles into town as a boy and watch the ships go out to sea, and I adored it. I would ask sailors where they had been and what they had brought back, and they would laugh and tell me I'd be a devil of a sailor one day. And I wanted to be—Lord, did I want to be—but I was to be an Earl. That's the way it was, the way it is, and the way it always will be. And Earls are not common sailors. But I was very young. When the Holt family purchased an estate that was not too far from ours, I finally had a friend nearby. Their blood may not have been as blue as my father would have liked, but their money was certainly the right color—and amount. So now, instead of just me running into town, it was Holt and I harassing the sailors and fishermen."
"It made it easier, to have a friend along," Gail said quietly.
"Yes...and harder, too." He frowned. "I knew he was going to have the chance to be on a ship like that one day—and I wasn't. So when I was about twelve or so, I decided to run away. I packed a bag—mostly full of cheese and books I believe"—he smiled as Gail chuckled at his boyish folly—"and went to sign up as a cabin boy on one of the ships headed out to sea. The captain knew who I was, of course, and escorted me back to Longsbowe, where my father locked me in my room for a week. Never in my life had I seen him so angry. He yelled, railed, told me I was ungrateful for not wanting to stay and be who I was to be. That leaving the country was foolhardy. When he finally let me out, I was sent immediately to Eton."
Max's voice cracked, and he had to cough into his hand to cover the effect this distant childhood memory had on him.
"Eton wasn't too bad," he continued. "My father approved of it only because it's where generations of Fontaine men had attended, and it was nearly as stuffed with history and tradition as Longsbowe. I know some gentlemen emerge with only horror stories of ruthless pranks and strict headmasters, but I didn't mind so much. I was a viscount, with an ancient name, so the bullies were careful not to dunk my head in any chamber pots. Holt came up the same year as me, so we remained mates. And I liked to study," he said wryly, indicating the pile of books he had left on the center table. "When I went home for holidays, my father and I, we no longer saw eye to eye. I started to notice that he had changed. A little at first, then rather dramatically. He began spending all his time at Longsbowe Park, stopped attending the House. My mother died while I was at school, and...I know that they had little affection for one another, but having her gone I think gave him permission to stop being in London. In the world, really."
Max sighed, leaning forward on his knees, moving his shoulders as if to protect himself from imaginary blows. "I thought that if I waited until I was grown, I could do as I liked, and my father couldn't stop me. He was a recluse by now, what would he care if his son spent a few years abroad? But I was wrong.
"When I came down from Oxford, I was ready to see the world. Holt and I set out on our grand tour. However much my father objected, he couldn't very well forbid me—it was part of the consummate British experience, I had argued. I intended to go about Europe and maybe even Russia for at least a year. But two months into my travels, I received a missive that my father was on his deathbed."
Gail sucked in her breath. Max nodded in agreement. "As you see. I rushed home, at record speed, and when I arrived, it was to see my father sitting up in bed eating a luncheon of hearty stew. I spoke with the doctors—they had been gravely worried about my father's health, but it seemed he had beaten back the severe cold that had threatened to take him. I was relieved. I couldn't believe how much I was relieved," Max said almost to himself. "I stayed at Longsbowe with him for a month, every day he got stronger. When the doctors felt his health had been fully restored, I packed my bags, intending to rejoin my friends abroad. But on the eve of my departure, it rained. And my father showed his true colors. He stood outside in the damp the whole night. By morning, all the repairs to his health that had been made in that last month were undone, and he was on his deathbed again."
"That's horrible," Gail whispered. "Why?"
"Because he wanted me to stay! He didn't want me out of England, out of Longsbowe, and out of his control. It only took him three weeks to recover this time, but once he had, I called him out on his behavior. And we had the biggest row in our history—and believe me, my school days were peppered with some thunderous arguments. He accused me of not living up to my duties to Longsbowe. He thought I should remain in England, learn about the estate, become his drone, his copy, his Earl. As he was a copy of the one before him...I told him to go to hell." At Gail's taken-aback expression, Max smiled ruefully. "But I said it less politely."
Gail was on the edge of her chair. "What was his reply?"
A cynical smile twisted his lips.
Max remembered very well what his father had said in reply.
"YOU can't live without me boy! So you shall live where I tell you."
His father's gruff voice echoed in his head. They were in the study of Longsbowe Park, a grand room that had not changed in seven generations of Fontaine men. The high shelves of unread books were the same. The wood and leather were the same. Even behind the large mahogany desk was the same chair, in which the Earl sat, lord of all he surveyed. Including his son.
"You're cutting me off? Fine—I don't want your money," Max said with more bravado than he felt. He was still young enough to have the idealism bred in university, but it was quickly lost when he pictured having to face the prospects of a world that turned on gears greased with cash and prestige. His father simply cackled.
"You won't last three weeks in the world without what Longsbowe provides! You will stay here and learn to appreciate it, learn to run it, and learn to love it."
"You've drilled into me the lessons of running an estate since I could walk," Max fired back. In every one of his letters to his son, the Earl would include a detailed lesson on crop rotation, tenant farming, or the estate's maintenance. It had gotten to be a bit of a joke between Max and his mates, for every time a letter had arrived, they would ask, "What's the Earl's lesson this week?"
"Time to put them to use then. I'm not as young as I used to be. You will now run the estates. I will oversee, advise when I think you are going astray, but I will have the stewards take orders from you. You will become Longsbowe, lad."
And Max saw it. His future stretched out in front of him. All the new ideas he had drying up like dust. A long life of checking his work with his father, getting approval before proceeding. Always the Earl's son, never his own man. Never leaving Longsbowe. Never discovering a damn thing about anything. Max's throat closed in on itself, choking, suffocating.
"No," he whispered hoarsely.
"What?" His father, who had clearly thought the issue was settled, looked up from his desk.
"I said no," Max repeated, more resolutely this time.
"No?" the Earl asked, incredulous.
"I will not stay here and be your lackey."
"Do you know what you are saying?" Desperation crept into the Earl's voice. He sounded old. "You want to leave? Fine! You do it without my money! You won't last a week without an allowance. You have nothing that is your own."
It was the ultimate dilemma. His father refused to let go—but Max would die by inches if he stayed.
"I'm a sick old man," his father had pleaded in a weak voice. "What will happen to me if you leave England?"
Max shook his head. "England is a big place. It will have to be big enough," he said resignedly. "But I won't live here under your rule."
And with that, Max stalked out of the room. He calmly packed a bag and left the house, only venting his frustrations on an antique vase near the door. But that could have been considered an accident.
When he got to London, Max had only the money in his pocket and what was left of his last quarterly deposit in the bank. The Earl had been true to his word and quickly severed financial ties with his son. His father probably thought if Max couldn't live high, he would come crawling home. Well, he would have to show the old man he was made of sterner stuff. Max set up house in an unfashionable but respectable part of town and began going about the business of becoming his own man.
Independence was his goal. Now, while the gentleman in him abhorred the idea of working for a living, the twenty-one-year-old in him was much more frightened of the prospect of marrying for money. So he learned to economize and looked for work.
"INITIALLY, some of my professors from Oxford assisted me," he told Gail, who listened with rapt attention. "They had been impressed with my head for languages and liked me well enough, so they recommended me for some translating work. Then the government started commissioning similar work from me, as did publishing houses. I was soon earning enough money to pay my rent and expenses each month. But I wasn't exactly living very well. Holt convinced me to invest a bit of each of my payments into Holt Shipping. And the rest, as they say, is history. I live economically, but I can't say I want for anything. Very few people know I'm cut off. Most people just think I'm aloof," Max finished with a sigh, settling back into his chair.
Gail looked at him for some minutes, twisting a lock of hair that had fallen out of her coiffure between two fingers. Late at night, Max would think about that lock of hair.
"But that can't be the end of the story," she said quietly. He looked at her expectantly.
"You have your own money now. The only reason you stayed in England was your father's threat to cut you off. That's no longer a threat. So why do you remain?"
Max exhaled a long breath. He looked at an innocuous spot on the floor—Gail's gaze was too questioning, too direct.
"Fear," he whispered, barely audible.
"Fear of what?" she whispered back.
"What he'll do. I'm afraid he'll make himself ill again. When he was out all night in the rain..." His voice broke. "I was so frightened. I was so very frightened of what would happen to him. You haven't seen him. He's not...strong anymore. He used to be the strongest man I knew. I have to keep my end of the bargain. I will stay in England. The world outside of it is a foolish place anyway." He stared into the fire, forlorn.
His offhand comment made Gail frown. "That is your father talking," she spoke, her voice resolute but her eyes soft and forgiving. She walked over to Max, kneeled before him. Placing a gentle hand on his arm, she drew his attention away from the grate.
"Max," she said in soft kindness. "Couldn't he see he was making you unhappy?"
Max was caught in her eyes, eyes that pleaded for that little boy, for that man who was still held back by the strong arm of his father. His voice came out lower, more hoarse than expected. "He can't see beyond Longsbowe, beyond keeping things the same, within his control. He...manipulated me then. He still does, just in new ways. But I can't risk it."
"But how long? You have shut yourself off as effectively as he did. How long can you hold your true self in? How long before you are allowed to live?" Her hand was grasping his, a lifeline he didn't know he needed. His other hand reached out, lightly fingering the softness of that errant lock of hair before seeking the warmth of the side of her neck and face. His thumb rubbed absentmindedly along her jaw, drawing her closer to him. Mere inches away.
"I shouldn't have told you all this," he whispered.
"I'm glad you did," she whispered back. "I think I understand you a bit better now."
"Then you have the advantage over me," he replied, lowering his forehead to rest against hers. It was a gesture of deep need and closeness. Both closed their eyes, taking comfort in the simple existence of the other. "Promise me that someday, you will tell me all about your deepest anxieties and frustrations. Then we may be on even footing."
Gail sniffled, followed by a short chuckle. "Do you have a year?" she asked with a smile.
Max brought his head up, regretting the space between them, even if it was only inches. He looked into her eyes (which had become decidedly shiny) and murmured, "The world seems to have forgotten us."
She kept her eyes locked with his, something shifting in her golden gaze. It became darker, molten. She didn't breathe. Didn't move. Indeed, it seemed as though she couldn't.
But Max could. The space between them slowly began to close. As his nose lightly caressed hers, Max could feel the light stutter of her breath warming his cheek. Her eyes became hooded and flickered closed, as their lips met for the first time.
It was warm. Gail was so surprised by the warmth that flooded her face, her chest, down to her toes at the simple brush of his mouth against hers. His hand slowly stole from her jaw to the back of her neck, pulling her even closer, deepening the kiss.
As for Max, he felt the fire of her, and it inflamed him. His mind raced, filled with questions: How could he do this? How could he not? How long had he wanted her just this way? But he refused to answer any question as long as he could simply feel Gail—on his lips, beneath his fingers, all around him. Her hand wound its way into his hair—slowly, softly gripping him to her. A shot of lust went straight to his groin, and he grabbed her arm, pulling her onto his lap.
This shift from gentle and sweet to hot with need thrilled Gail as much as it frightened her. She could not have stopped him, and found that she didn't want to—especially when he opened his mouth, his tongue inviting hers to come out and play.
So this was kissing, Gail thought, as she tentatively met his movements in equal measure. Before, she hadn't understood its appeal—why the maids blushed and giggled, why the matrons were so rigid in their belief that it was a sin—and that wasn't the only thing rigid right then. Gail could honestly not blame anyone for what was deemed base desires, because the only desire she had as she felt his hands running over her back, holding her to him, was don't stop.
A sharp knock on the door broke the spell, freezing Max and Gail in their heated explorations.
"Hello? Miss Alton?" Mr. Ellis's voice broke through the door and their warm, insulated little world. Max watched as Gail's eyes went from heavy lidded and dark with lust, to wide with shock and, regrettably, horror. Her mouth a small, silent O, she lifted herself from Max's lap, cool air rushing into the growing void between them. Max could see that she wanted to absorb their actions, process them, try to make some sense of it, but there was no time for that.
Quickly she moved away, straightening her shoulders and ruthlessly combing her hair with her fingers. She was acting with speed and caution, both correct for this situation, but Max couldn't help but be saddened by it. Could she really let go of him so quickly? Only a few seconds had passed since the knock interrupted them, could she already regret?
Gail, satisfied with her hair, picked up a book from the table, and Max arranged himself more suitably just before Mr. Ellis opened the door.
"Ah! Miss Alton, Lord Fontaine. You are in here, excellent. I despaired of ever finding you. It's six o'clock. The museum is about to close."
If Gail's face was more flushed than normal, her eyes shinier, her lips redder, and Max's seated pose more carefully arranged, Mr. Ellis did not comment. Max dug for his pocket watch.
"Six o'clock! Already! Ga—er, Miss Alton, we seem to have lost the entire afternoon. Your parents will be curious as to your whereabouts."
"Lord, yes!" Mr. Ellis exclaimed. "Although I, too, have lost many an afternoon in these rooms. I daresay, if one of my assistants hadn't reminded me, I would have accidentally locked you in here all night. What a kerfuffle that would have been, eh?"
Mr. Ellis smiled at his own humor, while Gail and Max exchanged a glance.
A kerfuffle, indeed.
## Nineteen
WHEN Max escorted Gail back to Number Seven Berkeley Square, Evangeline could tell right away that something had shifted between the two, and she for one, was ecstatic. William (as Mr. Holt had insisted she call him) had been correct! His plan had succeeded, and now Lord Fontaine and Gail would be friendlier. Didn't he smile at her as if they were on good terms? Didn't they not once snap at each other with caustic comments?
Truthfully, Evangeline had been more than a little anxious. When she and Will had arrived back at the house (at five o'clock, nearly two hours later than they left the museum, although there was no reason to inform anyone of that fact), Romilla questioned them as to Gail's whereabouts. Evangeline explained that Gail was perfectly safe, being escorted by Lord Fontaine and under the watchful chaperonage of their friend Mr. Ellis. Evangeline had thought Romilla would suffer a fit of apoplexy, so unhealthy was her color. Obviously, Evangeline surmised, her stepmother had noticed the acrimonious relationship between the two, and thought the same as she—that they would tear each other to pieces. But now, Romilla would see that this was the absolute best thing they could have hoped for from the situation.
HOWEVER, Romilla had seen, and she did not consider it the absolute best thing. Far from it. When her errant stepdaughter and escort entered Number Seven, did Lord Fontaine's hand linger just a moment too long on Gail's arm before releasing her? True enough, they did not exchange any hard words as had become their custom, but animosity had been the only thing keeping one at arm's length from the other, and now...This new "friendship" worried her deeply.
Then, Romilla laughed. This was silly. It would turn out to be nothing. And what was Mr. Ellis always saying? Oh yes, that she was making a mountain out of a molehill. It wasn't as if Lord Fontaine was about to throw over one sister for the other. Especially if that first sister was as divine as Evangeline.
Still, 'twas best to remain shrewd and alert.
THAT night at the opera, Romilla was convinced her feelings on the matter were an overreaction. Any expression of sentiment she thought she had seen that afternoon had disappeared like smoke. Lord Fontaine was a guest in their box, as was Count Roffstaam and his wife. Lord Fontaine sat in the front, next to Evangeline, being everything that is kind and attentive. He paid no attention to Gail beyond what was polite. And as Gail was enjoying speaking in German with the Count, she and Lord Fontaine seemed content to ignore each other. Maybe they had reached an understanding of sorts, like Evangeline had hoped, wherein they never spoke to each other again. And Romilla, more than pleased with that, settled herself comfortably next to her husband to enjoy the performance of Don Giovanni.
WHEN the curtain came down on the first act to thunderous applause, the real entertainment of the evening began. Gail watched as the Ton flitted between the boxes, visiting with the occupants to comment on the ladies' wardrobes, who was sitting with whom, and which gentlemen were vying for attention from what lady. Naturally, the Altons' box became crowded quickly.
Romilla was receiving a visit from Lady Hurstwood, who had so viciously snubbed her a few weeks ago by not inviting the Altons to her Vauxhall party. Now, here she was, dancing attendance on their stepmother! Gail shook her head—would she ever understand the politics of society? Half a dozen young admirers stopped by to visit with Evangeline, crowding their way past the MPs who wanted a word with Sir Geoffrey. Every occupant of the box was beginning to feel the crush—especially those smashed against the wall, as Gail soon found herself.
"Miss Alton," Count Roffstaam addressed Gail in his thick Barivian accent. "It iz very crowded, iz it not?"
"Yes, I confess it is," Gail replied, lightly fanning herself with the libretto—not easy, as her elbow was pinned to her waist, unknowingly by the portly Lord Draye.
"Come," the Count said, offering his arm. "Let us go and seek some refreshment."
Out in the elegantly appointed hall, it was still quite populous, but at least there was room to move. The swish of silks against the plush carpet, the murmur of voices on top of voices echoed through the chambers as Gail and the Count made their way to the refreshments.
"I think my vife vill like—cham...champagne?" asked the Count.
Gail nodded, although she herself was repulsed by the prospect of any spirits, and instead requested a simple punch. "Really, Count Roffstaam," she said listening to his stumbling English, "we can speak German if you like. I don't mind, truly."
But the Count would not hear of it. "You have indulged me enough tonight in German. I am in England, I should practize mine English, yes?"
"Yes," Gail laughed and accepted the punch that the Count handed her.
"Besides," said a familiar voice from behind, "an evening such as this calls for Italian."
They turned, and the only man in the house, in the world, who could have spoken that comment bowed before Gail and the Count.
"Don't you agree, Count Roffstaam?" Max asked, looking beyond compare in his stark black and white evening kit. Gail had seen him dressed this way before, but never had the sight sent a frisson of feeling straight through her chest. He looked...beautiful. Gail's face flushed hot. She shouldn't be thinking this.
"Ja, I do," the Count spoke. "German is mine tongue, and ze tongue of ze composer, but Italia, it iz like a stream. Deutsch, it iz a bevy of rocks."
"Yes, exactly," Gail smiled.
"You seem to be enjoying the opera, Miss Alton."
"I am, Lord Fontaine."
They had begun to walk down the gallery, Gail still on the Count's arm, Max holding himself three feet away. He did not move any closer. She wished he would.
"Even though you do not speak Italian?" Max inquired, interrupting her thoughts.
"Ah...one of the best things about opera is that no matter the language it's written in, the meaning is universally understood."
"True. And you have the translated libretto."
"And I have the translated libretto," she agreed matter-of-factly.
"Wie bitte? Ah, pardon me? You speak ze English so fast," the Count broke in.
"Oh!" cried Gail. "Forgive us. We didn't mean to exclude you, Count."
"Yes, beg pardon, sir," Max added, but the Count simply held up his hands.
"No, no, you forgive me. I am old man, vith slow ear. Speak as you vill. I take the champagne back to my vife."
The Count headed back to the box and his wife, leaving Gail and Max alone in the middle of a crowded hallway. With no other recourse left available to them, Max offered Gail his arm, which she took. They began to follow after the Count. Slowly.
"I assume you trust implicitly whomever fetched you that punch?" Max asked as she took a small sip.
"That depends," Gail answered, once she had swallowed. "How much do you trust a short man with spotty English and a large moustache?"
A tight smile broke through his serious expression, mirroring her nerves.
"Strange how the Count's English is especially spotty sometimes, and less spotty at others," Max ventured. She looked at him questioningly, and he explained, "In his negotiations with your father, his English was easily understood. Also, that comment about German being like a bevy of rocks? Very poetic for someone with only a passing knowledge of our language."
Gail considered this. "I suppose you're right," she murmured. Then, unable to think of anything else to say, Gail said nothing, letting silence descend upon them.
Max cleared his throat. "Uh, are you enjoying the opera?"
"Yes," Gail answered, flushing hot. "As I told you before."
"Right." Silence. "So you did."
The porter came out and rang the bells, letting the guests know it was time to bustle back to their seats for the second act. As people began shuffling around them, Max pulled Gail to a stop.
"Just a moment, Gai—, er, Miss Alton," Max stuttered, Gail watching him, wide-eyed, "I didn't come out here to discuss the opera repeatedly. I wish—nay, I need to apologize for this afternoon. Once I reflected on the events, I realized I took some liberties I shouldn't have, and I'm sorry for it."
Gail turned as red as the velvet stage curtain.
"Don't." She held up a hand.
"Don't?" Max asked, his eyes lifting from his toes to her face.
"Don't you dare apologize. I realize I may not be fantastically beautiful or captivating, but when a girl finally receives a really good kiss, the last thing she wants is to have the man say he's sorry for it. It's insulting."
"I didn't mean to be insulting!" Max replied, almost grabbing her arms to keep her from walking away, but managing to keep them at his sides. "Gail—Miss Alton. I just meant it's my fault, my doing that it occurred in the first place. It was very warm in the room, and..." He coughed and started again. "I'm certainly not importuning the quality of the kiss, but more bearing the responsibility for it in the first place."
"Oh," Gail replied, unaccountably relieved. "I don't believe you to be responsible. We were both there."
"Luckily we were the only ones," Max grumbled. And then, with an imploring look, "it can't happen again, Miss Alton."
Her eyes shot up, wide. "Well, of course not. I know that." Her cheeks stained with remembrance of his hand on the back of her neck, the zip of warmth at his lips on hers. "No. Absolutely not," she stated firmly.
"So, we're friends?" Max asked, holding out his hand.
Gail smiled. "At the rate we're going, we'll need to repair our relationship every fifteen minutes. But, yes, we're friends." When she shook his outstretched hand, he took hers and wrapped it around his arm, and they began walking back to the box.
Gail smiled, glad to be at ease with him again, in silent harmony. They were nearly at the door of their box when Max again pulled her to a stop.
"What do you mean, you finally received a 'really good kiss'?"
Gail rolled her eyes. "I was so hoping you missed that."
"Not a chance," he said with satisfaction and that lopsided smile that made her heart flutter. It was highly annoying.
She sighed at his preening. "Well, simply put, every other time I've been seriously kissed, I found it rather fishy."
The preening stopped. Max's mouth hung open wordlessly before he sputtered a reply. "You're eighteen! And you've been kissed by other men before me?"
"Only two. I lived in Europe, Max," Gail said, as if that answered everything. Although clearly it did not, because Max's jaw was still agape.
"Max," Gail sighed. "Have you been kissed before?"
"Yes."
"How many times?"
"I doubt I could count," he answered, bewildered. The lights were getting very low now.
"How old were you when you were first kissed?" she continued, even as other couples made their way past them to be seated for the next act.
"I guess I was thirteen or so. Sally Smithson. Milkmaid." After a wistful pause, Max asked, "What is your point?"
"I'm simply trying to do the math," Gail explained. "This is a societal double standard I have never been able to understand. Men have been kissing since they were quite young, and have kissed many times, and this is considered normal. Yet, women are expected to keep their lips to themselves until they are ready to be married. But if this is always so, who are all these men kissing? Either the world is blindingly unrealistic in its expectations of women, or young boys are practicing on each other."
For a short moment, Max couldn't speak, and then the laughter came, bubbling from his chest until it threatened to echo across the whole opera house.
"Sssh!" Gail whispered furiously, covering his mouth with her hand. "What on earth did I say that was worthy of this?"
Max gently removed the hand across his mouth, placing a gentle kiss on the palm before lowering it. "Oh, Miss Alton—to hell with it. Gail. I'm so very glad I am not grouped with your fishy European kissers. And I am delighted that we are friends." Max smiled, his chuckles continuing as he escorted a bemused Gail back into the box just as the curtain was about to rise.
THEY each took their seats, no one in the box the wiser to their conversation, no one commenting that Gail had left with one gentleman and was escorted back by another. That's not to say it went unnoticed. In the back of the box, Romilla's eyes shone and sharpened as she focused not on the opera playing out on stage, but rather on the drama of the young couples seated in front of her.
## Twenty
AND thus the unusual friendship of Gail Alton and Max Fontaine came to be. They didn't stop bickering with each other, as some had hoped, nor did they fall dramatically into each other's arms, as some had feared. Rather, when they bickered over intellectual pursuits, it was all in good fun (even though Max was known to get rather red-faced every time Gail corrected his pronunciation of some arcane past participle translation), and they found they could speak more freely with each other than any other person in their lives. When they were in public, they were uncommonly well mannered and were known to seek out the other's company, but nothing beyond what was considered appropriate.
However, the whispers still began.
At a card party hosted by the Fortings, Gail was sitting in on a rubber of whist, with Max at her table. As he divested himself of his three of diamonds, he chanced to look up at Gail, and saw on her face an expression that took his breath away.
She wasn't looking at anything in particular. She was lost in her own mind, remembering some other place and time, and it caused her to smile in a wistful, long-off sort of way. A little upturn of her lips, promising secrets. What was she thinking of? Max wondered. Exploring the ruins of Athens? Riding her horse wearing that silly hat? A joke that she holds on to just for herself? Him?
Gail suddenly snapped back to reality when Lady Charlbury prodded her with her walking stick. Gail played her card and turned to Max. Seeing that he stared, she blushed. After he played another card, he leaned in and said very casually, "I saw that."
Gail tried to school her features into impassivity, but failed, smiling even as she kept her gaze on her cards.
"So what?" she spoke just as casually, but with a hint of bold humor. Her turn had come around again, and she played. "Why shouldn't I smile and laugh? It's not illegal, after all."
"No, it isn't," Max agreed and played another card. "I'm simply glad I got to see it."
Lady Charlbury kept her smirk hidden behind her cards. She was intrigued to see such an easy exchange. She kept her countenance about the friendly manner between Lord Fontaine and Miss Gail, but most certainly felt justified in her earlier observations about the pair. However, Mrs. Fortings, who made up the table's fourth, did not have Lady Charlbury's foresight, nor did she have her desire for reticence. Later that evening, when all the guests had left, she took a moment to mention the exchange to her husband, adding, "But I thought he had compromised the elder sister."
Later the same week, at a musicale hosted by Mrs. Brenton, Max had taken refuge from a truly horrific young flutist making her stage debut by hiding in a far, darkened corner of the room near the refreshment table. He was edging his way toward the door and freedom, when a low whisper reached his ears and a gloved hand took hold of his.
"Don't you dare leave." Gail's fingers squeezed his palm, holding him still in his steps. The darkness veiled such a familiarity, and he felt the warmth surge through their connected hands.
"Where did you come from?" he whispered, taking a silent step toward her.
"Behind the potted palm," she replied. "I got up to use the powder room before the last concerto, but Mrs. Brenton came in, and so I had to return. I thought if I hid back here I could at least put my fingers in my ears and no one would see."
Max looked at the potted plant. It could conceal one person easily, but not two. Just as he was entertaining notions of squeezing back there and standing very, very close to Gail, the young flutist hit an obscenely sharp note, causing all the guests to visibly cringe.
"I think my ears are bleeding," Max hissed, once the fatal note had passed.
"The worst of it is, my father specifically said we weren't going to attend this musicale," Gail whispered. "But I suppose Romilla got a hold of the social schedule, and...here we are."
The flutist paused, and the pained audience took the offered chance to applaud loudly, hoping to end the torment. Unfortunately, the girl was so very pleased with this reaction, she immediately launched into an encore, thus starting the torture all over again.
"I will pay you if you help me escape," Max pleaded lowly to Gail, who grinned evilly.
"And what would you be willing to forfeit?" she asked too charmingly for his peace of mind. Oh, the images in his head, the innocence of those golden eyes! Before he could explore that tantalizing line of thought, she shrugged and turned her gaze back to the performance.
"If I'm forced to stay, so are you. We'll bear the torture together."
"What good is that? You bear the torture, and tell me about it later," Max countered, but Gail rolled her eyes.
"Men. Honestly, you get squeamish at the veriest bit of pain and leave women to do all the hard labor."
At that moment, the flutist was the worst torture Max could imagine, so he readily agreed. "Yes, you are correct. Men are weak and cowardly in the face of bad music. Women are strong and resolute. Now may I sneak off?"
"Well, since you asked so nicely..." Gail said sweetly, "not a chance."
At his answering cry of outrage, heads turned, and the music fumbled. However, Max gave credit to the performer—she rallied, playing louder than before in the hopes sheer volume would cover any mistakes of technique. A few sets of eyes, including Mrs. Brenton's, scanned the darkness near their hiding place. But soon enough, everyone's attention returned to the unblinking horror before them, and Max felt safe enough to exhale.
Gail smiled at Max in the darkness, her hand still grasping his. She leaned up, her mouth very near his ear, her breath warming his cheek.
"Learn to enjoy your torture, Max. It's the only way to get through it." Her voice was barely more than a series of breaths. Max's head turned, his eyes searching her impish ones in the darkness. It was really no more than a matter of inches, to lean down...
The "music" stopped. Mercifully, the applause began, and the extra candles were employed, quickly bringing up the light in the room and cutting off the performer with the finality of a long-hooked cane.
Mrs. Brenton was the first to whip her head around, looking for the source of the recent distraction, and spied Lord Fontaine and the younger Miss Alton, nonchalantly picking up glasses of refreshment. As she commented to Lady Hurstwood later that week, Lord Fontaine was spending a great amount of time with the younger Miss Alton. Wasn't he courting the elder?
It was unfortunate that when this comment was being made over hatboxes on Bond Street, Romilla was within audible distance, concealed behind a pile of striped cambric.
AND so it was, that when Gail hopped down the steps on a Tuesday morning shortly thereafter, her stepmother met her at the bottom.
"Good morning," she said, in a cheery tone. "Am I late for tea?"
"No, Abigail," Romilla began, meeting her happy countenance with a sober resolution.
"Excellent. I should hate to keep Lord Fontaine and Evangeline waiting. We are to go to the botanical gardens today." As Gail smiled and began to move past Romilla toward the drawing room, Romilla caught her arm.
"They aren't waiting," Romilla said quietly.
Gail turned inquiringly to her stepmother.
"I sent a note to Lord Fontaine last evening that he should escort Evangeline out at ten o'clock, so she wouldn't miss her afternoon appointments."
Gail's mouth worked for a few moments without any sound. "They've already gone?" she finally croaked out. At Romilla's nod, Gail sputtered, "But who will see them at ten o'clock? And what about a chaperone?"
"They've a maid with them," Romilla replied.
"You...you said they needed to have a family member with them, to ensure that it seemed the family was accepting Max."
Gail realized her mistake, even before she saw the scowl blacken Romilla's face. She shouldn't be surprised to see steam pouring out of her stepmother's ears.
It was a few moments and one visibly deep breath before Romilla spoke.
"Abigail," she began, her voice pitched low and soothing, "I'm glad you are getting along with Lord Fontaine now. It would not do to have bad blood stand between him and this family. But being friends doesn't allow such extreme familiarity as calling him by his Christian name, does it?"
"No, ma'am," Gail mumbled, her eyes downcast.
"I think it's time," her stepmother continued, taking Gail by the arm and leading her toward the drawing room, "that we allow Lord Fontaine and Evangeline to go out in public alone together. Now that everyone knows our family welcomes him, we shall show society that we trust him. Don't you agree?"
"Yes, ma'am."
If this was all part of Romilla's grand plan, then Gail had no choice but to go along with it, but, for some reason, it hurt. She had been looking forward to this outing ever since Max had suggested it.
"Now, shore up your disappointment, my dear," Romilla said with forced enthusiasm. "If you still desire to see the botanical gardens, I will have your father escort us next week. Will that do?" Gail could only nod numbly, and Romilla forged ahead. "Besides, we have quite the morning planned ourselves." She flung open the drawing room doors. "Look who's come to visit us! Mrs. Pickering and her two daughters. We shall spend a delightful tea together, and after, Mrs. Pickering has promised to take us to the most adorable new millinery, where we'll find some excellent ribbon for your new green frock."
Gail could only smile weakly. Mrs. Pickering and her twin daughters, Lilly and Lavender, sat in the front parlor, yawning into their hands. These girls were easily the simplest, most empty-headed females in the northern hemisphere. Add their company for shopping for ribbons—Gail could not picture a more horrendously boring waste of time.
She forced her shoulders back, perfectly straightening her posture.
"What fun," Gail said, smiling tremulously at the ladies before her.
BY three o'clock that afternoon, it was Romilla, not Gail, who was ready to throttle the Pickering ladies.
Being this insipid must be a crime. Oh, they were nice enough, she supposed, but there was not a single original thought in their heads. They debated shades of gray, as if they were discussing matters of life and death, for heaven's sake! While in Markham's Millinery (which Romilla was quite unimpressed with, as she had been there at least thrice before and never found what she wanted) Lilly had been threatened with not being allowed to attend the next Almack's assembly if she did not make a decision between two gray-colored velvet ribbons. The weight of the decision had the girl near to tears, and even Romilla, who prided herself on her fashion sense and attention to detail, wanted to scream: What does it matter? It's just a silly ribbon!
Indeed, it was just a silly ribbon, singular. Gail pointed this out, when she noticed that Mrs. Pickering was unknowingly holding up two ends of the same length of gray velvet. Romilla wanted to cheer her daughter for putting an end to the circuitous hell of choosing between the same ribbon, but alas, Mrs. Pickering picked up two more, this time in revolting shades of pink and assaulted Lavender with them.
Luckily, time did not stop moving, as it often threatened to do on particularly horrendous afternoons, and the Pickerings and the Altons were soon forced to part company.
"We simply must do this again!" Mrs. Pickering said, clasping to her bosom the hand of her newest, best friend, Romilla, who was doing an admirable job of not yanking her appendage away.
"What a, pleasant afternoon, Mrs. Pickering. I'll look forward to our next meeting," Romilla replied, and, with a sharp kick to Gail, prompted a wry, "Can't wait."
"Such a pleasure!" and, "That green ribbon is perfect for you. Never had a better time shopping!" were the hurried good-byes from Lilly and Lavender, and the Pickerings departed the carriage and walked into their own home, Mrs. Pickering dictating to the footman about their parcels and to her daughters about their evening along the way. Once the door to Number Eight was closed, Romilla signaled to the driver to go forward the sixty feet to Number Seven. Silence reigned in the carriage, until Gail, as was her marked habit, simply had to say something.
"Please tell me we are never doing that again."
Romilla shot her stepdaughter a quelling glance, but then weariness pushed all the bluster out of her.
"Never in a million years would I subject us to that again," she intoned seriously.
Gail smiled. And then she chuckled. And then she laughed. And Romilla couldn't help it—she laughed, too.
"Why?" Gail asked through her laughter. "Just, why?"
"Oh, they are nice enough when we see them at parties"—Romilla was nearly crying, she was laughing so hard—"or when we've had them over for a morning with a dozen other people, for only a half hour at a time—but a whole day? Of undiluted Pickerings? I must have been mad!"
"Oh, that is too cruel, Romilla! They weren't all bad. Lilly took quite an interest in hearing about Lisbon." The carriage had rolled to a stop, and Romilla and Gail headed up the walk.
"Yes," Romilla agreed, "but you may want to correct the impression you left that all Portuguese women have extra toes."
"Oh!" Gail clapped a hand over her mouth. "I had nearly forgotten!"
Over tea that morning, in an effort to stay awake, Gail had engaged Lilly on the subject of foreign travel. As Lilly had never been out of the country, she didn't have much to contribute to the subject, instead inquired about the fashions in France, Vienna, and Portugal. Gail was caught, as she had no real interest in the subtleties of fashion, but knew enough to note that in Lisbon, the ladies' shoes were cut a bit wider.
"That's curious. Lavender, isn't that curious? How strange to have wider shoes. I wonder why?" Lilly pondered aloud. Gail couldn't help but murmur, "to accommodate their extra toes?"
Lilly did not note, or perhaps did not comprehend, the sarcasm. Instead, she leapt upon this information, peppering Gail with questions about other deformities of foreign people.
Really, the girl was quite macabre.
Before a stunned Gail could set any assumptions to right, Romilla intervened, declaring it time to go to Bond Street.
"I suppose I'll have to invite them over for another afternoon," Gail mused, delighting in Romilla's aghast expression. "I should hate to leave Lilly with a false impression."
Romilla chewed her lower lip as they walked through the front door. "Consider for a moment," she finally said, "how often is that girl going to meet a real live Portuguese anyway?"
Gail laughed again, and Romilla joined in, visibly pleased. Could it be that they were easy together? Maybe even enjoying each other's company? How surprising—and yet, how wonderful, too.
As they handed their coats and bonnets to Morrison, he informed them that Lord Fontaine was in the drawing room with Miss Evangeline. Romilla, seeing Gail's pleading look, figured that the young couple had enjoyed plenty of their own company for one day and waved the girl to the drawing room, saying, "Go ahead and join them. I'll be by in a moment, but first I want a minute with your father. Is he in the library, Morrison?"
Morrison nodded.
"Good," said Romilla.
Gail didn't even hear the last part. She gave a quick curtsy to Romilla and shot off down the hall to join her sister and friend (for that's what Max truly was now) to tell them all about her deliciously awful afternoon.
But when she opened the doors to the drawing room, she was thrown completely off balance.
Max and Evangeline sat on the couch entwined in a lover's embrace. They were so very close to one another, knees touching, Max's hands around Evangeline's neck. She was looking up into his face, his back to Gail. The embracing couple took no notice of the new arrival to the room, until Gail gave a small involuntary gasp.
"Gail!" Evangeline cried, extracting herself. "You're back! How was—" But the sentence was to never be finished. With a ruthlessly brisk gesture, Gail cut her off.
"Romilla's on her way. Probably best to cut the lovemaking short." And with that, she closed the drawing room door and took off down the hall.
Gail found herself in the warmth and light of the conservatory before she realized she was crying. She sat on the stone bench by the fountain and let the tears flow.
## Twenty-one
MAX left Number Seven that afternoon, a confusion of feeling, growing for some time now, massed into a giant knot in his stomach.
He had, in accordance with Romilla's request, arrived a half hour earlier than usual that morning, ready to take Evangeline and Gail to the botanical gardens. When Romilla told him before he even had the chance to take off his hat that she and Gail had plans for the day, and that this was his opportunity to escort Evangeline without familial supervision, he should have been thrilled. Or at least, a little relieved. But all he felt was uncommonly let down, as if he was a lad whose favorite mate had to stay in and do chores instead of coming out to play.
However, he put those feelings aside the moment he saw Evangeline, a vision in a light blue pelisse and matching dress. Max began to rationalize his situation. This was good, he thought, this was progress. He would have the opportunity to spend more time with Evangeline, getting to know his bride-to-be. After all, they had been courting for three weeks now—soon, people would be expecting an announcement. It was best to know as much as possible about his partner in life before the wedding...or was it after? He always mixed up that proverb. So Max and Evangeline set forth in his hired (but beautifully appointed) phaeton, to enjoy the warm day at the botanical gardens and each other's solitary company.
Max should have been able to enjoy himself. Even a little bit. But the more he was in Evangeline's company, lovely and kind as she was, the more Max found himself at odds. They had very little in common. Max loved books. Evangeline loved art and sketching more. Max loved to go riding. Evangeline barely ever touched a horse. Evangeline delighted in the country—Max considered himself far more citified. One would think that a devoted couple would easily overcome these things, but in two people so undetermined in their feelings but locked into their fates, such differences acted as bricks, stacking one on top of the other, into a wall between them. There was no movement, no room for debate. With Gail, there was always debate, Max thought, but at least it was interesting. Evangeline was just...not interesting to him.
Even though spring had bloomed into its lush green glory, the botanical gardens were quite empty that day, and Max counted only a few other couples as they toured the grounds, too engrossed in the various plants or each other to give more than a passing glance to Lord Fontaine escorting Miss Alton. As they toured through hothouses of blooming exotic flowers, tall palms, and winding mahogany trees, Max's memory was drawn back to Number Seven's conservatory and a particular moonlit night.
"This place reminds me of when we first met," he said, attempting a smile, pulling a flower from a vine overhead and offering it in what he hoped was a besotted manner to Evangeline, but she simply bit her lip and looked at her toes.
"Lord Fontaine," she said, not looking up, "I do wish that you wouldn't bring that up."
"How we met?" Max asked, lowering the flower.
"Yes," Evangeline said, now worrying her gloves a bit, her eyes warily darting to the sides. "It's terribly embarrassing. I don't usually act that rashly, and the consequences thereof are already known to both of us. It was wholly out of character, and...it is not a moment I take pride in remembering."
Max felt the air leave him. In his head, he recalled the night he met Evangeline as magical, filled with moonlight and romance and hope. In fact, he had clung to their first meeting as the sole evidence of their mutual attraction, the proof they could possibly enjoy each other. But to hear that she did not feel the same, that she considered that moment not worth remembering, regrettable even...it destroyed the already crumbling illusion of that night as completely as sunlight would have.
They walked on through the hothouses quietly now, silent in their defeat. Max still twirled the small flower he had picked in his fingers. Offering it again to Evangeline, she smiled sweetly and accepted it, with thanks.
However, when tucking the flower into her buttonhole, she did add, "I don't think we're allowed to pick these, though."
They left the gardens sullenly, not finding anything further to distract them from having to converse with each other.
Later, making their way up Bond Street, they stopped for ices at the public rooms. Since the intent was to be seen in society together, Romilla had made certain their itinerary had included this stop, and Max, for one, was glad for it. It gave them something to focus on other than each other.
They were in the public rooms not five minutes before Will Holt came to greet them.
"Fontaine! Miss Alton! A pleasure." Will bent over Evangeline's hand as she smiled widely at the new addition to the party. Will stayed with them for nearly a quarter of an hour, regaling them with stories of how his father and Count Roffstaam were fairing since the ambassador had abandoned his rented apartments to become a guest at the Holts' London residence. However, it seemed the only person in the house who spoke passable German was the Holts's French cook, who, it was discovered, was of rather dubious origins.
"So the Count, who really is quite a jolly chap, if a little stiff (can you believe he took me to task for wearing trousers instead of breeches!), is every five minutes in the pantry, asking the cook to come up and translate something or other, and the cook is ready to beat him about the head with a chicken for interrupting her work. This, naturally, has my mother in fits and my father in giggles," Will recounted to a laughing Evangeline, who had somehow during the course of the conversation transferred herself from Max's arm to Will's, and was now the picture of ladylike flirtation. Max stood some two steps away, enjoying Will's story, but more pleased by the fact that for the first time that afternoon, Evangeline looked to be enjoying herself.
It was odd, really, Max thought, frowning. He should be jealous. He should be protective. But he wasn't. He liked Evangeline, he did, but it just didn't go farther than that.
Would it ever?
Before Max could ruminate further on this latest and most disturbing of thoughts, Will was bowing over Evangeline's hand to take his leave.
"Are you certain you can't join us back at Number Seven?" Evangeline asked with a pretty pout.
"Alas, no," Will answered with real regret. "I am due at Jackson's, then the Holt offices. But I look forward to our next meeting."
Evangeline's light and joyful demeanor immediately fell when Will left. She and Max both attempted to buoy the conversation, but by the time they reached Number Seven's drawing room, they had once again dissolved into silence. The only thing that broke the tedium was when Evangeline leaned forward to grab a biscuit from the tea tray (besides affording Max a slight peak of cleavage—and how had the situation deteriorated when even that didn't inspire him beyond mild interest?), and her necklace, a precariously delicate looking thing, became unclasped and landed on his shoe.
"Oh dear," Evangeline cried, placing a hand to her now unadorned neck. "It was my mother's. Is it broken?"
"I don't believe so," Max said as he retrieved and examined the small gold chain and cross that adorned it. "It looks unharmed. Just came undone." He held it up for Evangeline to see, and her worried face broke out into a relieved smile.
As Evangeline tried and failed to clasp the necklace back in place herself, Max scooted closer on the couch and offered assistance. Taking her hands in his, he said, "Here, allow me."
As he fastened the chain back in place, Evangeline sat very calmly and still. Max was overcome with the realization that this was the first time he was touching Evangeline, really touching her, in any manner that might be deemed inappropriate since that fateful night in the conservatory.
And he felt nothing.
He had his arms wrapped around her neck, his face inches from hers, and any sane man would have taken the opportunity to pull such a delectable morsel close for a kiss. But he didn't. Nor did he care to.
He really must be going mad.
Of course, the fates being what they are, the doors opened at that moment.
And then Gail's stunned and crestfallen face appeared.
By the time he took his leave, Gail had not returned, and Max was deeply mired in his own conflicting thoughts. One thing remained clear, though—he wanted to speak with Gail, alone, at the next possible opportunity.
And there was only one time and place that Max knew he would have the chance.
"NOW, Jupiter, I know you are excited to see your beloved again, but I beg you: This time, try not to charge her down."
It was far too early in the morning for anyone of quality to be taking a ride, which, as Max had been informed by Jimmy, was exactly why Miss Gail took her rides now. He was also furnished with a general sketch of Gail's morning routes through the park's lesser-worn paths by the accommodating groom—along with a wink and a nod. Jimmy, it seemed, understood the situation better than Max did himself.
So, Max found himself on a winding path of the park, the dew still wet on the ground, waiting for Gail to appear.
She seemed to be taking her time, Max grumbled to himself, as he tucked his hands under his arms to keep them warm.
He checked his pocket watch, his breath still visible in the cool morning air.
It was obscenely early. Duels were fought this early. Maybe, Max considered, one was being fought today, right now, in this very park. If Gail was going to be a while it might be interesting to watch a duel, provided he could find it. Maybe near the Serpentine.
"Ruminating, my lord, when you should be watching your horse? No wonder you end up in lakes."
Her voice broke through his reverie, just in time for Max to take up the slack in Jupiter's reins, who was all too eager to greet QueenBee again.
"Whoa! Whoa there," Max said, calming his besotted mount. Once Jupiter was back in line, Max turned his attention to Gail.
All gold eyes and wry quirks of the mouth. A flush heightened the color of her cheeks, as if she had just come off a good run, breathing heavily. The deep green velvet habit was expertly cut emphasizing her surprisingly striking figure and the rise and fall of her breasts. A fetching froth of a hat in matching green topped the pile of her thick hair, completing the picture. Max was struck by how pretty she was. He always thought her nicely put together, but now, he couldn't stop staring. Did she even realize it?
Max caught sight of movement behind Gail and saw Jimmy sitting atop a gray mare. He was giving them a respectable distance, Max realized, while trying to stifle a grin. Again, Jimmy saw things Max himself was blind to.
Remembering his manners and purpose, Max tipped his hat in greeting. "Good morning, Miss Alton."
"Good morning." She nodded, that open humor never leaving her face. "Dare I ask what you're doing here at this hour?"
Max opened his mouth to reply, but could not find the words to his well-practiced speech. Instead, "Where's your hat?" fell from his lips.
"My hat?" Gail replied, reaching up to pat the smart green cap pinned to her coiffure.
"Not that one. The, uh, the squashed brown one."
"Oh." She looked embarrassed, smoothing a hand over her hair. "Don't you think this one's better?"
"Well, yes. And no. This one's very nice, but it doesn't seem very, er, you," Max answered truthfully.
Looking acutely uncomfortable, Gail forced her attentions back to QueenBee's nervous prancing.
"Why are you riding so early, Max?"
"In the hope of meeting you."
She blinked at him. "Well," her voice finally came, sounding a bit strangled, "your quick honesty is becoming unnerving, Max."
"I wanted you to know," Max began, then cleared his throat and nerves, and began again.
"You should know that, yesterday, when you arrived back at the house, you did not see an indiscretion."
"I know," Gail replied quickly.
"Your sister's necklace had fallen and I was helping her put it back on."
"I know," she repeated, stopping Max short. "Evangeline told me once you had left. After brief consideration, I came to the conclusion that you might have learned your lesson about attempting to ravage young ladies—at least in their own homes."
It was a cautious joke. It teased him and yet boldly invoked their encounter in the library. When he laughed, he watched a visibly relieved Gail join in.
Max walked Jupiter forward, so now he was face-to-face with Gail. Reaching over, he lifted her gloved hand from her reins and kissed it.
"Thank you," he said. He didn't release her hand.
"You're welcome," she returned. "For what?"
"For forgiving me. For being my friend." Max met her eyes, sincere.
"Max, there is nothing to forgive! You said it yourself, it was wholly innocent. Besides, you're to marry—" He cut her off with a wave of his hand.
"Gail, what you saw, no matter how innocent or indiscreet, gave you a shock. And above everything else, I never want to hurt you."
Gail didn't breathe for a moment. "I...I wasn't hurt," she lied.
Liar, he thought, but held his tongue, and with a final squeeze, released her hand.
So it followed, and nothing seemed more natural than that Gail and Max should spend the early morning ride together. Max allowed Gail to lead the way, who chose to pick various paths at random. The morning grew brighter, as the dew slowly began to lift from the grass in tufts of mist. When they reached fields with enough space, they raced. When they came to a path with only enough space for two riders walking closely, they used it to their advantage and talked.
"Why don't you ever speak?" Max asked.
Seeing as Gail had just given him a lengthy discourse on the perils of shopping with the Pickerings, she was understandably confused.
"In public," he clarified. "You have improved since I've known you, but you are still too often silent when out in society. You'll speak to me, to Holt, your family, and Lady Charlbury. And God knows you'll lecture to anybody who stands still long enough when in your cups, but in every other situation, you shrink back against the walls, into a shell."
"I have found that my tongue gets me into trouble," she replied, suddenly preoccupied with twisting a lock of hair.
"But you're brilliant," Max countered, pushing aside a branch. "You should be the darling of every dinner party."
"Don't call me brilliant," Gail said, blushing quite furiously now. "It'll go to my head."
"Maybe some things should go to your head," he argued.
Gail, her face scarlet, dropped her hand from her hair. "I'll go too far."
Max pulled Jupiter to a stop, and QueenBee followed suit. "Why do you think that?"
She sighed, admitted defeat. "You're asking to know the worst of me," she whispered.
"You already know the worst of me," Max replied softly.
Gail held his gaze for a full minute, as the sway of a light breeze through the low branches mixed with the caw of far off birds.
"I can trust you," she breathed softly. It was a statement, not a question.
Max nodded imperceptibly. That was the first truth of their young friendship. Even when they had hated each other, they had trusted. Turning her head forward, Gail gave QueenBee a light nudge, starting a slow canter along the path. Max silently kept pace.
"About a year ago, my family was in Lisbon," Gail began. "My father was assigned to the British Embassy there—in particular, he was asked to make friends with and earn the confidence of a man in trade relations, Don Basti. He was invited to our house often for dinners and parties as was his son Josef. We had only been in Portugal a few weeks when we first met them, so I didn't know the language yet. As time went by, I picked it up, but the Bastis remained unaware of my knowledge. I was so newly out of the schoolroom, I guess I didn't know my limits, but honestly, I shouldn't have tested them."
Gail paused to take a breath and shot Max a nervous smile. He didn't smile in return, but he nodded, let her know he wanted to hear more.
"About this time," she continued, "Romilla came into our lives. She met my father at some function, and they took to each other. She was always visiting, on the pretense of having taken a liking to Evangeline and me, but we knew—she always had eyes for Father.
"One afternoon, while Romilla was over for tea, the Bastis stopped by, this time accompanied by the second son, Paul. Don Basti went to speak with my father, but the younger 'gentlemen' joined us. When taking tea, Paul said in a low voice, and in Portuguese, that Josef had been right, Evangeline and I would be fun for what he termed a 'double-toss.'"
Max nearly fell off his horse. "He said what?"
"A double-toss. I took it to mean he wanted to seduce both of us at the same time," Gail explained baldly.
"And what"—Max nearly choked—"left you with that interpretation?"
"He went on to categorize our various differences. Light and dark, short and tall. Some other anatomical contrasts I'd like to avoid repeating." She shrugged. "Variety is the spice of life, apparently."
She told her story with a detached, uninvolved air, but Max knew that was for her own protection. It still made her angry. It still hurt. He was suddenly overcome with the desperate desire to hunt down the Basti brothers and dismember them. His shoulders shook with the effort of keeping control. But in his anger, Max remembered his own drawing room conversation in different tongues.
"God, you must think me an ass."
She looked up sharply. "Why?"
"Because of what I said that day—the, uh, mundane things. In other languages. I'm amazed now that you didn't slay me down to size. I certainly deserved it. Hell, I'd box my own ears if I could."
"Oh." She blushed. "Well, as I said—you were terribly mundane, Max. Hardly worth a comment."
Knowing that he had been forgiven for one of his earliest stupidities, Max reached over and squeezed her hand. "Please," he managed, "continue."
"Well, you have likely guessed by now that I was the only one in the room who understood what they said." At his nod, she went on. "My face was burning. I was so angry, but Evangeline and Romilla were laughing and being entertaining with Josef and Paul because they didn't know. That made me angrier than anything—it was like they were laughing at us."
What was it she had said? Gentlemen had proved to be far more vulgar than any commoner. This must be a key piece of evidence in her theory.
"When my father entered the room, with Don Basti, they looked inordinately pleased. Only later did I find out they had just come to terms on a deal. Don Basti made the suggestion that we all go out that evening together. And when Paul had the audacity to take my hand and ask me if I would enjoy such an excursion—"
"Oh no," Max moaned.
"Oh yes, I'm afraid," Gail replied. "I told him, in English, that I would sooner swallow my own tongue than willingly spend an afternoon in their company."
Max's jaw dropped. "Oh, God."
"That alone would have been bad enough, but I added, in Portuguese, a few less than complimentary names I picked up from my rambles around town. The, erm, dockside, in particular."
That was, Max thought, without a doubt, the cruelest, sharpest, and most deserved slight he had ever heard. He could well imagine being so young, so angered to have lost one's temper, but Gail's brand of retort was an art. He had to laugh.
So he did. Long and loud and with his full body. But this time, Gail did not join in.
"Please don't laugh," she pleaded weakly. "It was a terrible, mean thing to say."
Max immediately sobered, and but for a hiccup or two, sounded appropriately subdued.
"You regret saying it, don't you?" he asked.
"Yes. No. They were abominable, awful men, and the way they looked at Evie made my skin crawl. But afterward, I learned that what I say can have serious repercussions. I had my ears blistered for days. Even after I had explained what the so-called 'gentlemen' had said. A week or so later, Don Basti changed his position on the exporting agreement. My father was so frustrated..." Her voice trailed off, lost in her own thoughts.
"Sometimes I think half the reason he married Romilla was to have a female around to teach me how to be a lady," she said. "The other half was so she wouldn't spread the tale of my uncouth behavior. She has tried to teach me, you know. How to demur, how to be gracious and flattering. It hasn't worked very well. It's just so much easier to sit in a corner and be quiet." She finished her discourse with a noncommittal shrug, as if to distance herself from her feelings by pretending nonchalance. But the air of sadness permeated her being, and Max, for one, would not stand by and let her pretend it didn't hurt.
"You should never temper yourself. No, listen to me." Max approached Gail, reached out and took her head in his hands, forced her eyes to meet his. "You felt as you did and spoke accordingly. And very bravely, too. God save me from simpering females who never speak their minds—I would go mad. You are a clever, witty, cynical, passionate gale force wind and you can't hide that under a bushel. So, please, for my sake—don't even try. Besides"—he smiled—"this is the worst of you? I've heard nuns speak with more bite."
Gail smiled in return. "Well, nuns are married to God. That offers them some protection, don't you think?"
His fingers were burning from the electricity of touching her skin again. But more he was burning from the liquid gold of her eyes. Jimmy was nowhere to be seen. They were wholly alone. Her scent as she passed him in the drawing room, her smile and sparkling eyes when she laughed at something only he understood, the torment of remembering her warm mouth opening to his had been torturing him for weeks. And now, here she was, so close, and he was touching her. His rough thumb caressed the soft skin at the nape of her neck. He looked into her eyes, and saw them go dark with passion. With hunger.
With fear.
Fear won out. Gail broke eye contact, instead searching the surrounding woods.
"Where are we?" she asked, her voice a pitch too high for his liking.
Max searched her face, and reluctantly let his hand fall. It was a loss, the cool air now separating them, the longing to touch again. But he pulled back.
Turning Jupiter about, he took stock of his surroundings and was amazed at what he found.
"I've been here before," Max whispered, awed. Somehow, in the course of the rambling paths and deep conversation, Gail had led them to the long forgotten grotto. The sun now rose in the sky instead of setting, but it was unmistakably his same grotto. The ruined Grecian gazebo stood, now with vines in full leaf twining up its columns. The silence here was overreaching. No breezes brushed through the trees, no clip-clops from horse hooves in the soft earth. The only sounds were their own breathing and the faint rustling of some birds hiding in high sycamore trees that edged the magical place. The colors of a deepened spring were in full life here, and Gail was open-mouthed in her appreciation.
"It's beautiful," she breathed.
Max dismounted, then helped Gail down. As Jupiter and QueenBee nuzzled each other and munched on the grass, Max explained how he had come across the grotto before. "I looked for it again every day, but I never found it," he finished.
"I can understand your quest," Gail replied. They walked to the gazebo, simply reveling in their surroundings. Max suddenly realized that he had never relinquished Gail's hand from when he assisted her dismount. He also noticed that she did not ask for its release.
"Do you know," Max said, regarding the gazebo, "I have no idea why it was so popular to build something that is crumbling."
"It is silly," she conceded. "But it's romantic, too, for an illusion. We're meant to pretend that this gazebo is just as old as the trees." Gail offered a grin, although the light did not reach her eyes.
"You're still thinking about it, aren't you?" Max asked. "Lisbon?"
"A little," Gail hemmed. "I just worry too much about making a mess of things."
Max squeezed her hand. "I am suddenly overwhelmed by this feeling that you will be just fine."
"Why is that?" she questioned.
He laced his fingers through hers. "Because when no one's watching," he whispered, "you're fearless."
A blushing smile of honest and brilliant light overtook her face. And suddenly every nerve in Max's body was tingling.
Just as suddenly, the crows in the trees sang their fierce cry and an amount of rustling predicted they would soon take flight.
"Oh!" Gail said, looking up into the air, "Crows! Max, quick, how many do you see?"
"Ah." Max spun around, his ears breaking as cries rent the perfect tranquility of the grotto, but he couldn't actually see any birds in flight. Suddenly, a small blur of black lifted from the top of the sycamore and crossed through the sky.
"One," he answered, looking back to Gail. She faced the other direction, her eyes scanning the treetops.
"I only saw one, as well," she said ominously. "That's not good."
"Why ever not?"
"Crows! You have to count them. 'One for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl and four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret, never to be told.'"
He pulled her closer. "A bit superstitious, aren't you?" he asked, a laugh in his voice.
"What makes you say that?" Gail countered, her eyes still desperately roving the treetops.
"The crows. The dire need to avoid the number thirteen."
"Oh. That's not superstition, Max. I simply prefer not to tempt fate." She worried her lower lip. Max was tempted to roll his eyes, but instead he took hold of her neck with his free hand, his thumb caressing the sensitive line of her jaw. Her eyes stopped scanning the skies, and after closing them blissfully, briefly, she turned her gaze to his.
"Don't worry, Gail. You saw one, and I saw one. That's two for joy." His voice was a low, warm rumble.
"That's not two," she argued. "That's one for you, and one for me. Two sorrows cannot make one joy."
"Yes, they can." His eyes grew dark, feral. Hungry.
"How?" she asked, barely a whisper.
The glint of a challenge flashed through him, and his mouth descended to hers.
## Twenty-two
IT was too much. It had to be too much. How could there be so much feeling bound up in one kiss?
When Max's mouth met hers, it wasn't a tentative exploration like before—it was an explosion. His hands had roughly pulled her body to his, the warmth of his taut muscular frame pressing through the layers of clothing between them. Those same hands moved over her body, wound their way into her hair, shaking pins free and tossing the little green hat ruthlessly to the ground.
Gail's own hands clung to his coat, itching to crawl up his back to tickle the hair at the nape of his neck, to feel the stubble on the line of his jaw, but...
"Take off your gloves," he said roughly, breaking his mouth from hers just long enough to speak, his breathing ragged. "I want to feel your hands on me."
He recaptured her lips as she divested herself of the offending accessories. Once her hands were free, she let them do just as they pleased, running up the soft wool of his coat, finding that small bit of flesh at the base of his ear, teasing with feather-light touches.
Max, who had been burning with his own desire, immediately became hard as stone upon feeling Gail's light caresses and pulled her closer, forcing her soft curves to melt and meld into his hard planes.
He kissed her closed eyes, her temples, ravaged the soft flesh of her earlobe, worshipped the long lines of her neck. When his explorations met with the high green velvet collar of her habit, nimble thumbs made quick work of the top three buttons—exposing the sensitive skin of the notch at the base of her throat, already rising and falling with rapid, erratic breaths.
"Please," Gail breathed hoarsely, "I...I want..."
He knew. Max kissed her again, their tongues mating in a rhythm of pure, burning, unrestrained lust.
All wits were gone. All sense of propriety, of time, of what was correct fled in the face of what felt right. Gail felt her hands move from Max's neck, to the front of his jacket, to under that layer of wool. She ran them over the strong muscles of his shoulders, pushing the jacket off as she went—all the time feeling, feeling, feeling the incredible strength and sensation of this man.
God, how she wanted him. The thought flashed into Gail's brain with all the welcome of a bucket of cold water. She wanted him. In every way it was possible to want another person. How on earth did that happen?
Max felt her stiffen immediately. Nerves, he thought. He'd wager neither of those European fellows had kissed her like this. He smiled against her mouth. She was Gail. She was warm and alive and in his arms, and the only way this could be any more right was if she was on the ground and beneath him.
Which seemed a fine idea to Max.
Slowly, he began to bend at the knees, his mouth never leaving Gail's, soothing her into pliancy. She bent with him, into the soft moss of the spring ground, her mind still reeling with the implications of her own realization.
"Max..." she moaned. "Max, stop for a moment."
He pulled away, but only for the space of time that allowed him to divest himself of his half-off jacket and lay it on the grass behind her.
Seeing this, Gail's eyes grew wide with surprise. Still kneeling, Max kissed her neck, his hand working a few more buttons of her habit's jacket.
"Max, we should...I think we should stop."
Gail felt his hand inside of her habit, caressing the rise of her breast. Immediately, her nipples tightened, peaked with want, and she instinctively arched into him.
"Oh God, don't stop," she gasped.
Wicked triumph flashed in his green eyes. His body had been craving this for weeks, and finally his mind was willing to acknowledge it. Succumb to it. Gently, Max lowered Gail back onto his hastily laid out jacket. His arousal strained against the prison of his breeches, his skin hot to the touch. Gail Alton had been driving him crazy since they met—now it was his turn to drive her mad.
Slowly, and with infinite patience, Max let his weight settle on top of Gail's long body. Her massive skirts billowed about them, making a nest of green velvet and white lace underthings.
His weight was thrilling. The warm rumblings at the pit of her belly became throbs as his right hand caressed and fondled her breast while the left undid the remaining buttons of her jacket. Pulling aside the lapels, Max grinned wolfishly as he revealed only a light lawn chemise.
"No corset," he said roughly.
"Well, honestly, have you ever tried riding in a corset? It's imp...ohhhhh..." He had pulled down the neckline of the chemise, and the rest of her argument was lost to the mind-bending sensation of his mouth on her breast.
Her rapid breathing, the small little noises at the back of her throat were so unbelievably erotic to him—they were the sounds of innocence giving way to knowledge. And he had so much he wanted to teach her.
Max let his mouth drift farther down her body, dropping kisses through the chemise onto her ribcage, her stomach, just below her navel.
Her body was shaking.
Running his lips back up her body, Max looked into Gail's eyes. While his had nearly gone black with need, hers shone with curiosity, desire, and fear.
"Don't be afraid," he whispered between kisses. "I won't hurt you."
And she knew he wouldn't. But still she clung to the back of his shirt like it was a lifeline, as he kissed her deeply. Slowly, he drew up the hem of her skirts. The cool air brushed against her stockinged calves, her knees. His hand ran over them lightly, relishing the feeling of her strong, well-made limbs. Max groaned against her mouth at the sudden image that flashed into his head: Gail's long naked legs wrapped around his equally naked torso. He had to lift his shaking hand from her knee just long enough to ensure that he wouldn't force her legs apart and plunge into her right then and there. When he thought himself calm enough, he allowed himself to continue the explorations of her underskirts.
She was so soft. When he had first kissed her, he had been surprised at such a sharp person having such soft lips. The memory of that softness had kept him awake at night. As he reached the edge of her stockings, tied just above the knee, Max found skin that was even softer. The inside of her thighs nearly made him lose control. His blood was racing through his veins, urging him to go further, to take more, to make her his. But she was an innocent, he thought savagely, struggling to keep his body in check.
That is, until Gail, the little vixen, pulled his shirt out of his breeches and ran her long fingers down the smooth flesh of his back, dipping them just under his waistband, feeling the top of his buttocks.
All sense of decency flew from Max's brain as he tore at the buttons of his breeches.
He kissed her with a ferocity that pushed her firmly into the wool of his coat, into the moss of the ground. God, no one's touch had ever undone him like this. Not Sally the milkmaid when he was thirteen, certainly not Evangeline...
Evangeline.
Oh God.
He froze immediately. He lifted himself away from her. Each inch that separated them was hell, his every nerve crying out in protest, simply wanting to sink deeper and deeper within Gail, until it was impossible to tell where she ended and he began. But he couldn't. It nearly killed him, but he couldn't.
Finally, he managed to remove himself completely and sat on the ground beside her. But he wouldn't look at her, for he knew what he would see. Her lips full and bruised from his kisses. Her hair a glorious mess. Her jacket open, that little chemise doing nothing to hide the round glory of her breasts, rising and falling rapidly with her uneven breathing. Her eyes—oh God, her eyes would still shine with the force of her desire, but cloud with confusion and disappointment. They would mirror his. But she had no idea what had been inches from occurring.
What the hell had they been doing? Max's mind flashed angrily. He was engaged to Gail's sister, for God's sake. And here he was, Lord Fontaine, English gentleman, about to take her on the grass in the middle of Hyde Park! He wanted to laugh. He wanted to beat the living daylights out of something. Instead, he settled for raking his hands ruthlessly through his hair.
"Max?" Gail's tentative voice broke his self-control, and he answered with a barbaric yell, full of all his rage at himself. All of the crows in the trees took flight at his outcry, and he stood up quickly, pacing like a caged beast.
"Max?" she tried again, but he would not stop pacing, would not look at her.
"Max?" her voice broke.
"No!" he yelled, making her jump. "Cover yourself," he said sharply.
Shaky hands closed the buttons of her jacket, straightened her skirts, fruitlessly smoothed her unruly hair. When she was presentable again, Max turned to her, but still was too ashamed of himself to meet her gaze.
"Gail," he began, then coughed, and started again. "Miss Alton. That was...We can't...I..."
He couldn't finish, because he quite honestly didn't know where to start. She seemed to understand though, and said quietly, "I know."
He turned to look at her then and saw the pain, the guilt, the sadness in her face, and it sliced at his heart.
"It's my fault," he said quickly.
"No, it's mine," Gail replied. "If I hadn't felt that way—"
"It's mine," he cut her off ruthlessly, brooking no argument.
Then, softly, Gail whispered to herself, "This is the worst thing I've ever done."
Every nerve in Max's body was screaming that it was in fact, the best thing he'd ever done. He was still hard for her, and he wanted to shake Gail for her stupidity, take her in his embrace and soothe her worries, kiss her until she agreed with him, but he couldn't. He couldn't put his arms around her and assuage her guilt. He couldn't tell her everything was going to be all right and normal and fine. It wasn't. He was marrying one Alton girl but wanted, needed, craved the other.
It was going to hurt.
"Miss Alton, I can't be near you anymore," Max said curtly.
She gave a small guffaw of disbelief. "How, Lord Fontaine," she said sadly, "do you propose we avoid each other? You're at my home nearly every day."
"I don't...I don't know," he said to his toes.
Silence threatened to swallow them, if their own rampaging thoughts didn't trample them first. Finally, after what seemed like achingly long minutes, Max's head snapped up.
"I have to go," he said, and he gathered Jupiter from a nearby patch of grass. He mounted, rather uncomfortably, but was kept from leaving by Gail's small cry of "Wait!"
She stood and crossed to him.
"Your coat," she said, holding the garment out to him. He took it—it smelled like her. Max could not avoid Gail's direct stare or the determined set of her jaw. The fire of her eyes was banked now, but her hair was still mussed from his ministrations. It made Max's mouth go dry.
With a quick nod, he sank his heels into Jupiter's flanks and sped away from Gail, and away from temptation.
ALONE now, Gail let the silence of the grotto envelop her. The crows had flown, there were no more to count. Gail picked up her hat and did not cry. She gathered her horse and absolutely did not cry. She located her gloves, found Jimmy some half a mile away, and refused to cry all the way home.
ON the other side of the park, Lord Hurstwood, having recently quitted a duel where sadly no one was shot, crossed a large meadow that gave way to a lake. There, as he told a friend later that morning, he was certain he saw Lord Fontaine diving into, fully clothed, what must have been freezing water.
## Twenty-three
AND thus the unusual friendship of Gail Alton and Max Fontaine fell apart.
It wasn't with a war of words or a fading away as time and distance came between them. It was abrupt, forced by their own consciences.
They no longer spoke. When circumstances caused them to be in the same room, they barely did more than acknowledge the other's presence. And every moment of strained politeness was a turn of the knife.
The problem of avoiding each other proved to be nothing more than a trick of scheduling. Max called less frequently at Number Seven, and when he did, Gail somehow managed to be spending that day about town with some new friends.
"She's where?" Romilla blurted out one afternoon.
"Shopping," Evangeline answered, "with Lilly and Lavender Pickering."
"Willingly?" Romilla asked incredulously, but Evangeline just shrugged.
This news gave Romilla serious pause.
But alas, she did not have much time to focus on Gail's odd behavior, for almost directly thereafter, things began occurring one on top of the other.
The first Event of Note was Count Roffstaam announcing his day of departure. Mrs. Holt, who had taken to her guest, but was yet so happy to have him leaving her beleaguered cook alone, announced a ball to be given in his honor.
"Another one?" Evangeline and Gail cried in tandem, only to be put off by a wave of Romilla's hand. She had promised Mrs. Holt to jointly host the affair and spent a great deal of time with that lady preparing the guest lists. The Holts's Mayfair residence, while purchased with "trade money," as Lady Charlbury called it, was quite grand and perfect for hosting an intimate reception for more than five hundred people. Upon seeing the impressive residence and being greeted most warmly by Mrs. Holt, Romilla quickly decided that despite the acquisition of wealth through labor, the Holts could be worth knowing. She spent nearly every afternoon with that good lady finalizing preparations, often dragging the girls along with her. Gail was bored to tears by these outings, but Evangeline took to Mrs. Holt as easily as Romilla did, albeit without such mercenary motives.
The second Event of Note occurred soon after the announcement of the Count's imminent departure. Sir Geoffrey received his appointment to the ministry. It was done quietly, and without fuss, only a dinner party of fifty of their closest friends to celebrate the event and a front-page announcement, courtesy of an editor friend at the Times, discreetly below the fold. By now Romilla had become quite adept at throwing a dinner party at a moment's notice, and she did so with ease and flair. "Grasping" was no longer a phrase that befell them—at least not as often. For Romilla was fast becoming one of London's most sought after hostesses—a position that unabashedly thrilled her. The Duke of Wellington even stood up and toasted his newest foreign minister, saying that he was never so happy as to have such an intelligent, honest, and upstanding gentleman working for the good of England.
Lord Fontaine was of course invited, and this time, his opinion was listened to with interest and consideration. He was seated, at Sir Geoffrey's behest, near enough to him to partake in any conversation, the elder gentleman making certain to show the audience his undoubted approval of the younger.
While Max enjoyed this attention, his mind was occupied with things other than his future father-in-law's approval. Indeed, he had difficulty concentrating on the conversation, with Gail seated across from him, not meeting his gaze, not sharing a laugh with him when someone misquoted Shakespeare. Not saying a word to him at all.
NO one should for a moment infer that the actions (or inactions) of Miss Gail Alton and Lord Fontaine went unnoticed by the other players in this piece. They weren't necessarily connected, however.
Romilla was, as always, the shrewdest of the lot. It had begun to prick at her curiosity that Lord Fontaine's visits had become less frequent. The month of courting was almost up, soon they would have to announce the betrothal. She began to worry that he had lost interest in Evangeline and would go against his word and jilt her. Oh, what a fiasco that would be! Sir Geoffrey's new appointment could be taken away, or his power considerably lessened if his family were embroiled in scandal. Indeed, now that he would have the position, they had to be more careful than ever. Thinking that Lord Fontaine was distracted from his ravishing bride, Romilla approached her husband.
"But what would you have me do about it? I have the boy's word," he said gruffly, pouring over papers in his library. Romilla sighed. She had interrupted him to discuss the invitation list for his celebratory dinner party, and he was barely paying attention!
Really, ever since this Barivia business, Geoffrey had become more and more embroiled in his work, Romilla thought. It would be nice if he'd at least look at her when she spoke.
"You should make it known publicly that you approve of him, make his ties seem very close with the family. That kind of public support will place him more firmly in—"
"Our clutches?" her husband finished.
"For lack of better phrasing," Romilla replied haughtily, "yes. At the dinner party. Make certain it is known you think very highly of Lord Fontaine."
"Fine," Sir Geoffrey sighed. "Seat him near me. He'd be a good one to ask about these translations, anyway," he said, rubbing his eyes and indicating the papers.
"You could ask Abigail," Romilla ventured. At her husband's look of confusion, she added, "Gail. Your daughter."
"She's off having fun. Besides, I thought you wanted me to talk with Fontaine."
"Yes, yes, of course," Romilla replied quickly. After a considering pause, she spoke again. "Speaking of, I'm a little worried about Abi—I mean, Gail."
"What about her?" Sir Geoffrey grumbled, his eyes on his work.
"Well, it seems she's spent the past few days with the Pickerings..."
Sir Geoffrey blinked at his wife. "What of it?"
"It's just...I know she's not particularly fond of the Pickerings," Romilla continued, realizing even as she spoke how weak her argument sounded.
"Nonsense," Sir Geoffrey scoffed. "If Gail didn't like someone, she wouldn't waste time with them. They're silly, but harmless—and it's good for Gail to make some friends. I really wish you wouldn't bother me with little worries like this, my dear. I've a mountain of work to do." And with that Sir Geoffrey returned his tired eyes to the papers in front of him.
Romilla nodded and left her husband to his work. After she shut the door, she realized sadly that he hadn't noticed she was wearing his favorite frock.
BUT Romilla was far too busy a woman to reflect sadly on anything overlong and so went about the business of assisting Mrs. Holt with the Count's ball, once the dinner party was out of the way. Therefore, she was not in the house when the next Event of Note occurred.
In fact, none of the family was at home except Gail.
Sir Geoffrey was at his new offices, as always, and Romilla had left just after tea to pay a call on Mrs. Holt, Evangeline in tow. After some discreet questioning, Gail found that Will Holt was expected to be there, which therefore raised the chances of Max being in attendance considerably. Accordingly, Gail had claimed she had fallen behind in correspondence (a bald-faced lie, but surprisingly no one questioned it) and stayed at home with a book.
Having just settled into blissful solitude with a copy of the latest gothic novel, she was greatly alarmed when someone began knocking furiously on her bedchamber door.
"Oh, Miss Gail, you must come downstairs at once!" Mrs. Bibb said when Gail answered the door. "There is a caller."
"Mrs. Bibb, I told Morrison to tell all callers no one was at home," Gail said, perplexed.
"We tried that, but he won't go away—and he's not the type o' gent one can easily dismiss," Mrs. Bibb replied, worrying her hands.
"Who is it? The duke?" Gail ventured as Mrs. Bibb, unable to wait any longer, grabbed her young mistress's hand, dragging her down the steps.
"Nay, miss," Mrs. Bibb answered. They came to a halt before the drawing room doors. "I sent a note to your lady stepmother, but someone needs to go attend him now." Mrs. Bibb pulled Gail to face her, ruthlessly smoothing her hair and brushing out the wrinkles in her skirts.
"Is it the king? Mrs. Bibb, stop that!" Gail said, swatting at the housekeeper's hands. "Really, I cannot imagine who would be worth all this fuss."
Satisfied with Gail's appearance, Mrs. Bibb opened the door to the drawing room, and shoved her through.
"Dratted girl! Shut that door. This house is drafty as a tomb."
The old man sat by an abnormally high fire, his sharp green gaze glinting as he looked her up and down.
Gail took his measure.
"You must be the Earl."
"SO you know me, do you girl? You've been forewarned, then?" The Earl kept his razor-sharp gaze on his quarry as she coolly moved to take the seat across from him.
"Not yet! Come closer. Let me get a good look at you," Gail obliged, standing under the Earl's scrutiny for a full minute in silence. She met his gaze and did her own assessment. He was old, she realized, so much older than she had imagined. He must have fathered Max quite late in life. The blue tones of the drawing room that brought out Evangeline's complexion made the Earl's already pale skin take on a deathly pallor. His posture was hunched in on itself, and his gnarled hands rested on a gold-headed cane. But in his face, in his eyes, was the active, shrewd mind of a man half as young.
"Good, good. Healthy child," the Earl murmured. "Although perhaps too tall for my liking." He waved his hand for Gail to take a seat, all the while regarding her with an aloof manner that could disarm royalty.
"To answer your earlier question, I was not, er, forewarned about you. You rather unmistakably have your son's eyes," she said, nervously settling back into the chair.
"It is he who has my eyes, and don't you forget it, missy."
And his officious manner, apparently.
The fire crackled and sparked in the hearth, while Gail searched for something...anything to say.
"I must apologize," she stammered, unused to playing hostess, "you have caught my parents and sister out of the house, but they will be back directly. Would you care for some tea, or...?"
"No, no." He cut her off with a wave of his twisted hand. "Didn't come to speak with them. I came here to see you."
An eyebrow shot up. Why would the Earl wish to see her? Unless...but that was impossible. Gail knew Max had little to do with his father, how would he...Could he know about what occurred in the park? And at the museum...Gail suddenly flushed.
"You should blush," the Earl's eyes narrowed, "for what you've done to snare my son. But for some reason, the idiot seems to care for you, given his devotion, so I wanted to see what the next Countess of Longsbowe was made of."
Ah, that was it. Gail didn't know whether to be relieved or cry. The Earl thought she was Evangeline, that it was she who would marry Max. Gail opened her mouth to correct the Earl's assumption but was interrupted again.
"You had better have some good tricks up your sleeve, my girl, because you're not pretty enough to hold his interest six months together."
Anger suddenly flared to life, brighter than what burned in the hearth.
"And what do you know of your son's interests?" she asked, her voice deceptively low.
"I know my son," the Earl stated.
"No you don't. You don't know your son at all." Before she could stop it, Gail's tongue was off and running. "Did you know he nearly single-handedly brokered a trade deal with a foreign country? That he speaks six languages, including Latin? That he for some unknown reason thinks Beethoven is the best composer to have ever breathed? No, of course not. If you did know your son, you would have realized that cutting off his allowance wouldn't stop him from living. You wouldn't call someone who is so obviously brilliant an idiot, and you certainly wouldn't dare attempt to fit him into some untenable mold of your officious, overbearing self."
The Earl went white with rage. His hand tightened on his gold-headed cane.
"You dare insult me in such a manner?!"
"As you dared insult me in my own home," she said, leaning back in her chair and steepling her fingers in a dead-on imitation of her father at his most imperious. And although she looked to possess that steely calm, her mouth was dry, her palms sweaty, and inwardly Gail was quaking. What had she done? She had let her tongue run away with her, that's what. Almost immediately upon seeing the Earl, all of the progress she had made in the past few weeks, all of the happy manners she had learned to affect, gone with one insult.
The Earl's hand shook as he waggled a finger at her. "You should be more careful how you speak to the father of the man you will marry," he said menacingly.
"I'm certain I shall," she retorted, "but luckily, I have no call to impress you." At his surprised look, she explained, "I am Gail Alton. Max is to marry my sister, Evangeline."
The Earl grew silent with this new information, but she could see the gears turned rapidly in that still sharp brain. She had grievously insulted the Earl...she had spoken so far out of turn Max would have her head for what she revealed. All those things he had told her in confidence! But she would not be sorry for defending him to the man that was staring at her so intensely, the crackle of the fire the only sound in the room.
Gail, in turn, stared back.
She was about to go and ring for a servant—even if the Earl didn't want tea, she needed something, anything to do—when he cocked an eyebrow (so like his son!) and gave a smirk of dawning understanding.
"If you..." He stopped, cleared his throat, and began again. "You defend him," he said simply. She replied with a curious nod. "You defend him," the old man elaborated, "with a good deal of feeling."
Gail felt the blood drain away from her face. "I...I...well, Max, er, we've spent a great deal of time..."
A wolfish smile cracked the Earl's wrinkled lips, revealing a skeleton's grin. "And yet, you will be condemned to a life as merely a sister. Won't you?"
Abruptly she stood. "It is none of your concern. Now if you will excuse me, I'll check on the tea tray." She moved to the door, but a beleaguered cry of "Hold on there, girl!" stilled her hand upon the knob.
She turned her steely gaze to the source of the cry. The Earl had stood up too quickly on shaky legs, walking after her while leaning heavily on his cane, his breathing labored.
"I'll...chase you down, child...don't...doubt it," he said with shuttered breaths.
Gail, far from being coldhearted, could not help but be affected by the Earl's state. Her features softened as she hurried to the Earl's side. Taking his arm, she led him back to the fire and assisted him in taking his seat.
"Thank you, my girl," the Earl said, sounding so rusty that Gail wasn't sure the man had thanked anyone in the past fifty years. Gail smiled tightly in reply, leaning over the Earl to adjust the cushions. As she did, he caught her arm, stilling her movements and bringing her attention to his face. He regarded her again for a breath of time, not judging, but with consideration.
"You have more heart than I've seen in a woman for many years," he said quietly.
Gail quirked a brow. "You met me but ten minutes ago, sir, and I've spent a good part of that time insulting you." She gently removed her arm from his grasp and resumed her seat.
"Still, if I ever had anyone defend me the way you did my son..." He let his voice trail off wistfully. Then he shook his head, as if to clear himself of troubling thoughts.
"My son," he declared in a strong voice, "is a fool."
"Lord Longsbowe," Gail bit out in protest, but was interrupted before she could start her argument again.
"Miss Alton. My son and I may be estranged. We are different people, which is a fact that I was forced to contend with long ago. But I still have eyes, and I can still call him a fool if the occasion warrants it. And I assure you, my son is a fool." The hardness had returned to his green gaze, and Gail, for one of the few times in her life, thought better of voicing her opinion on the matter. Her temper was pricked, but so was her curiosity. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask why Max was so foolish, but just then a sharp knock on the door interrupted the tension of the room. Mrs. Bibb entered, bearing the tea tray. She placed it on the small table next to Gail, and with a pointed look at that young lady, left. However, when Gail made to pour, the Earl held up a hand.
"I cannot stay," he said, making to rise. "If you could..."
She was at his side in a trice. Helping him stand, she took a good deal of the Earl's weight as she assisted him to the doors.
"You are too strong for a female," the Earl grunted. Gail simply smiled and took more of the old man's weight.
"One of the many benefits of being unfashionably tall. Also, I can block people's views at the theater."
"And too much cheek," the Earl retorted.
Once at the door of Number Seven, the Earl transferred his weight with dignity to his valet, who had been waiting in the carriage. Gail said her farewells with a curtsy, while the Earl simply inclined his head.
"Good-bye, Miss Alton." He bent his creaky frame into a bow.
WHAT a curious exchange, Gail thought as she quietly banked the fires in the overheated drawing room with an iron. The man had been here but minutes, yet he left her with a great deal of conflicting thoughts. In her ill-advised defense of Max, Gail had listed any number of things that the Earl might have denied, yet he did not. His actions regarding his son, trying to hold him back, were deplorable—there was no other word. And yet, when the facade of steel and stone cracked, Gail felt more than a little sorry for the old man.
She sat in the chair she had previously occupied and stared into the fire, conscious of the swollen emptiness of the room without the Earl sitting opposite. He thought he was acting in the best interests of his fool of a son, Gail realized. He had probably always thought that, even when his actions were the most grievous. Perhaps he saw the pain he had caused in the past. He certainly saw a great deal when she had slipped and defended Max. Gail felt the heat rise in her cheeks, in no way related to the height of the fire. She worked so hard to make certain her feelings didn't show, and yet this stranger had seen through her as easily as water. She was condemned to a life as the sister of the perfect Evangeline. How could he call Max a fool, and not she?
Before Gail's thoughts could follow down this troubling path any farther, the drawing room doors burst open, admitting a breathless and somewhat harried Romilla. Evangeline followed just as impatiently at her heels.
"Abigail! The Earl! Is he here?" Romilla asked immediately.
Gail rose from her chair and reverie. "No, ma'am. Er, he sends his compliments, but could not stay long."
Romilla's face fell. "Oh dear," she said, on a great exhale. After a moment she shrugged, picked at the knot of her bonnet, and moved to the couch, Evangeline following suit.
"Now, you will simply have to tell me everything you and Lord Longsbowe spoke about. Heavens, it is warm in here, is it not? Oh thank goodness, you've ordered tea—Mrs. Holt, the dear woman, is unfortunately saddled with that German faux-French chef who tried to serve us sausages slathered in the most curious sauces for luncheon! Her son kept sneaking his to the dog. Mrs. Holt said it was unfortunate Lord Fontaine wasn't in attendance, for he is the only one that can convince the chef to cook a good English meal. Abi—, I mean, Gail, please pour and start at the beginning."
Gail's head swam from trying to follow her stepmother's lengthy speech, but one thing had stuck. As she prepared cups for her sister and stepmother from the tray that Mrs. Bibb had placed for the Earl only minutes before, she turned her innocent inquiry to her sister.
"Lord Fontaine was not in attendance?"
"No," replied Evangeline. "William—Mr. Holt—said that he was locked in his rooms on Weymouth Street, working on some new translation. William, that is, Mr. Holt declared that if he had been there, he would have run here to intercept his father faster than horses could carry us."
"As he should, Evangeline," Romilla lectured. "I don't understand your betrothed half the time. He should have introduced us to his father long ago. I had no notion the man was even in town! But now that the Earl has visited, hopefully it means he is accepting of the union."
Suitably cowed, Evangeline ducked her head and took a sip of tea. Satisfied in her daughter's deportment and a proper English cucumber sandwich in hand, Romilla again addressed the issue of Gail's conversation with the Earl.
But on that subject, Gail found herself deeply conflicted and could not honestly relate what had been said. So she resorted to making up a number of vague compliments and inquiries, which would not satisfy Romilla nearly as much as the cucumber sandwich.
"EVIE?" Gail knocked on her sister's door quietly before sticking her head in. She saw her sister by the window, staring as the carriages and people went by in the late afternoon traffic on the square. It took a moment before Evangeline became aware of her sister's presence, but once she turned, she smiled genuinely for the company.
"I...I was wondering if you wanted to hear more about the Earl's visit this afternoon," Gail began, as she seated herself on her sister's bed. She was the tallest female in the house, and yet Evie's bed was so high, her feet dangled off the edge, making Gail feel extremely childlike. To be honest, she didn't think there could be anything more to be said about the Earl's visit—it had been extremely short, after all—but it was the best way she had come up with to introduce the topic she desperately needed council on: Max.
For, in the intervening time since the Earl's departure, Gail's mind had been swimming with all the truths that man had presented her. And the largest, most looming one was the fact that if she let her emotions have their full rein, she would be condemned to a life as a sister. She didn't want to spend her life pining for what she couldn't have. Therefore, the only way she could see herself ever moving past her feelings, was to confess them.
To Evangeline.
She knew that in time, she would get over these silly notions. She also knew, that in time, her sister would forgive her for developing a friendship with and subsequently an inappropriate affection for her husband. And she knew that all of this would only occur with a first step.
Still, it didn't mean that step would be at all easy.
"Yes, the Earl," Evangeline was saying, breaking into Gail's nervous reverie. "Romilla is right, it is appalling that we haven't seen him until now, but now that he's called, we can return the gesture. Do you think we should stop by during our rounds tomorrow and leave a card?"
"I don't think that's the best idea," Gail replied quizzically, her brow furrowed. "Ma—er, Lord Fontaine and his father are not on the best of terms."
Evangeline looked questioningly at her sister.
"But surely, you know that," Gail finished.
"Actually," Evangeline said, looking to her toes, "I didn't know that. Obviously."
Gail was about to open her mouth, about to start stumbling over her confession, when Evangeline's head came up, and with watery eyes, made one of her own.
"I guess I'm not a very good fiancée, am I?"
"Evangeline, darling—that cannot be true."
"Yes it can," her sister continued. "I assure you it can. As evidenced by the fact that I did not know of Lord Fontaine's relationship with his father, nor did I care to find it out."
"Evie," Gail began, wishing to reassure her sister, "all that stuff comes with time—"
"I know!" Evie cried. "Time is what we were given! Granted the boon of a full month, spent in each other's company, in an attempt to get to know one another, to become comfortable with each other—and the only thing discovered in that time is a gulf of differences and disinterest."
"I fear," Gail ventured, gulping, "that some of that gulf, a, erm, good deal of it, actually, might be my fault."
"No, Gail"—Evangeline waved off her protest—"I asked you to be present, remember? I asked you to be my support, and support you have! I am dissatisfied through my own efforts, believe me. None of this is your fault."
Gail could only stare at her sister—this was certainly not how she intended this conversation to go. "Surely—surely, you're not so unhappy?"
Evangeline stood now, began pacing, wearing the carpet with her eyes as much as her feet. "No, but I...I just wish I'd never ventured into the conservatory."
"Oh Evie!" Gail sighed, hating that she had on more than one occasion wished the same thing, and hating her task now, "but that night, with the moonlight—you said then it was magical, entrancing..."
"Yes, darling, but the problem with moonlight is one has to live in the day. And that's the fundamental difference between romance and love. Romance is moonlight, it's the trappings of desire..."
"And love?" Gail could barely pitch her voice above a whisper.
It was many moments before Evangeline could answer. But when she did, it was with great, still feeling. "Love...love is understanding. Love is knowing that other person so well, you can anticipate them. Like if someone knows you're uncomfortable, and they loosen your boot strings. Or if he knows you're deeply worried about something, and does his best to remedy it and soothe your fears. Love...is need! Needing that person in your life, day after day, whatever ups and downs may come, wanting their presence, and they wanting yours, because it's the only way either of you will ever feel whole."
For a moment, Gail couldn't speak. Then, "And...and Max does not make you feel this way?"
Sadly, Evangeline shook her head. "No. He does not. And I doubt I inspire any such feelings in him."
She looked to the window for a moment, her figure framed in the falling light. "I am reconciled to the fact that I will not love my husband. I'm certain, that...that we'll have an amicable enough relationship. I know, he's not a bad person. But Gail," her voice became hitched as the deep pools of her eyes threatened to spill over, "is it so wrong, so foolish, to wish for something more?"
"Maybe." Gail shrugged. "Because the love you describe, giving yourself so completely to another, it sounds rather frightening."
"Yes, it does," Evangeline agreed, sitting beside her sister on the bed. "But maybe, just maybe, it's worth it. Now," she said, bearing herself up and shaking away any hint of tears, "I may not have the chance to find out, but I don't want you thinking that way."
"Whatever do you mean?" Gail frowned.
"I know you," Evangeline said, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "I don't want you to feel like if I'm dissatisfied, you should be as well. I don't want you to be afraid of happiness just because I failed to achieve it!"
"I have the impression you've been practicing this speech," Gail drawled.
"For approximately eighteen years. Gail. Darling sister. Your life is your own. You don't have to wait in line behind me. Now, you have to promise me—that if a chance at happiness comes your way, and you think you might love somebody, really love them, not just some foolish inclination, you have to take it."
"This is terribly melodramatic, you know. It might help if you threw a joke or two in to break up the darker bits," Gail chided, aiming for some levity, but Evangeline simply shook her head.
"Do be serious for a moment! Gail, I'm not going to have the opportunity to experience love, real love. I wasted any chance I would have on a foolish moonlight kiss. But I would very much like to have my sister, one day, tell me what it's like."
Gail was speechless for a full minute, until with a sniffle, she found her voice and luckily, her sense of humor. "What if I fall madly in love with a goatherder? Or a red Indian in America? Or one of the awful Basti brothers in Portugal?"
Evangeline burst out laughing—the first full laugh Gail had heard from her sister in days.
"All right. First of all, you wouldn't dare fall for a Basti brother. The other two are far more easily imagined. And if it is a red Indian, you absolutely must tell me everything. I should require details."
Gail laughed at that. "Evangeline!"
"But beyond your jokes and my ridiculous bout of melancholy," Evie continued, still smiling, "if you loved someone, really loved him, why shouldn't you try for happiness?"
In that moment, Gail knew she would tell Evangeline everything. About the kisses, the dances, about the first time she saw Max in the lake, the magical grotto, and all her feelings, even if she could not be sure of his. But as she opened her mouth, as her voice sounded the first syllable of her long past due confession, a knock sounded at the door.
It was Mrs. Bibb, with Polly, ready to assist with all manner of buttons and hairpins.
"Time to dress for the evenin' m'ladies, your lady stepmother says the schedule is tight tonight, so we best hurry," Mrs. Bibb spoke as she bustled into the room, lighting the sconces to replace the daylight that had since left them.
And with that, the return of real life, Gail's hard-won courage left her, and the confession died on her tongue.
Evangeline was quickly at her dressing table, ready to be made into Miss Alton, jewel of the Ton.
It could be left for tomorrow.
## Twenty-four
TOMORROW, and tomorrow, and tomorrow. All too quickly time fled, and with each passing moment, more of Gail's conviction left her. After all, who was she to disrupt everyone's plans? They say confession is good for the soul, but who is this "they"? And why on earth should Gail take their word? No, it seemed far more logical to bottle all that feeling and put it aside, concentrate on other things.
Romilla and Evangeline continued their attentions to the Holts' ball, which was shaping up to be the grandest event of the season. And if she couldn't take whole credit, Romilla seemed content being a cohostess. Gail continued to spend an inordinate amount of time with the Pickerings, who, while exasperating, did throw her into the company of more and more new people, some of whom she enjoyed. Indeed, it was an oddity, but Gail had quickly found herself with a busier social schedule than that of her oft-sought-after sister. It made time pass more pleasurably than she had thought possible. She began testing her caution and voicing her opinion more and more.
Max had been right: Her easy wit, so long as she kept the lectures and insults to a minimum, made her extremely well liked. Her outburst with the Earl had been a rare display of emotion, and Gail continually wondered why it occurred. Maybe it was simply Fontaine men, she mused. They bring out something in her that other acquaintances were spared from.
The night of the Holts's farewell ball for Count Roffstaam, Gail was amazed to find herself surrounded by many new friends seeking her favor.
"Mr. Belling, you shan't be pleased with my company any longer once we dance. Your toes will forbid it."
But Mr. Belling had simply laughed and escorted Gail to the floor, followed by Captain Sterling, Sir Quayle, and Mr. Thornley (a trio that couldn't seem to have one do something without the other two following). Granted, none of them asked her to dance again after their first painful experience, but all were more than happy to sit and enjoy her company, laughing loudly enough to draw the approving attention of some of the matrons, including Romilla.
The great ballroom of the Holt mansion was a jewel in the landscape of London that night. Never had there been an equal. Indeed, the guests, comprised of the most jaded, unimpressed, upper upper crust of society, were open-mouthed with astonishment at the sight of the room.
It was bedecked in flowers. Boughs and strings of newly bloomed pink and yellow roses hung from the immense height of the ceiling, which had been painted with a fresco of the sky at sunset just for the occasion, little cherubs flitting between the pink-tinged clouds with delightful abandon. The whole room was built of polished honey-colored wood and pink marble. This, along with twinkling candles and the sunset fresco, lit the atmosphere with a golden glow. Its only rival in decoration was the dining room, where tables were set with white tablecloths, embroidered with gold filigree, and the plates and utensils all in gold. Small personal bouquets of pink roses sat at every place setting, as opposed to overbearing arrangements at the table's center. It was rumored there would be fireworks after dinner. But for everyone that came to dance, the real treat was the full orchestra, stolen for the evening from the most prestigious opera house in London, and the excellent acoustics of the hall that let the melodious sounds travel throughout the whole enchanting space.
It was a splendid affair, and everyone in attendance could not help but enjoy it.
That is, of course, unless they had some troubling thought on their minds, such as having to marry one sister while lusting after the other.
Max stood on the edge of the ballroom, watching Gail being stuntedly whirled across the floor, a broad smile on her face. She was magnificent, the bloom of popularity livening her countenance to something ethereal, something that glowed. It made his stomach turn.
He watched her every move, every slight tilt of the head, every time her eyes sparkled with mischief when she joked with her partner. She clapped her hands like a child when delighted, and the men surrounding her responded by grinning like besotted idiots and swelling out their chests.
How could she be having so much bloody fun when he felt like nothing more than a hollowed-out shell?
Although one would have to look closely, Max was not as composed as he seemed. In an effort to make him more wretched, his appetite had left him. His eyes were tired from forcing himself to work constantly—if he achieved a state of total exhaustion, he wouldn't dream. And although Harris had bullied him into shaving and his evening kit, he was paler than usual, and his posture uncompromisingly rigid. In the whirl of gaiety and color around him, Max was stark and immobile.
He managed to put on a good face, for it would never do to let people know one's true thoughts. He danced with Evangeline, the first two as required, and then handed her off to Will. He chatted at length with various acquaintances he didn't really know about things he cared very little for, smiling politely all the while. Cornered for ten arduous minutes by Romilla, Max listened as she rambled about how busy he must have been recently, and how much they had missed his frequent visits. Max had nearly started laughing. If she only knew the reason, she would bar him from the house and have him dragged through the streets!
He finally freed himself of his future mother-in-law's company and managed to make his way to an inconspicuous spot of wall, when a new voice assaulted his ears.
"Well, young man, you look ready for the gallows."
In the sea of black coats and sickeningly smiling faces, Lady Charlbury, cheerfully cantankerous, had managed to hunt him down.
"You're too thin by half—and those bags! Such are the marks of drunkards and wastrels. Have you become either a drunkard or a wastrel since I saw you last?" she inquired, all feigned concern.
Instead of releasing a pent-up sigh of frustration as he longed to do, Max simply bowed in greeting and replied in the negative.
"Ah," Lady Charlbury decided, "both then."
That pent-up sigh of frustration finally won its way out of Max's lungs, causing Lady Charlbury to chuckle with malevolent glee.
"My lady," Max bit out, "are you enjoying your evening?"
"More now than ever," she replied. "I suppose that Mrs. Holt did well enough in her decor, but is the orchestra really necessary? One cannot hear themselves think, let alone speak to others."
Judiciously ignoring the old woman's slight of his best friend's mother, Max took a sip of punch. "As luck would have it, most people don't think at all while conversing."
Lady Charlbury nodded wryly. "Right you are, my boy. Now, why don't you tell me why you're such a sourpuss?"
But before Max could gracefully dodge that line of questioning, another couple joined their party. And Max's face became sourer.
"Ah! Here you are, vith the Lady Charlbury! Mr. Villiam Holt said so, correct Miz Alton?"
Count Roffstaam stood before them, Gail Alton smiling with the radiance of pure pleasure on his arm.
She looked even more irresistible up close. It was all Max could do to hold himself from sweeping her into a dark corner of the room, kissing the smile off her face and replacing it with one just for him. How dare she be having a good time?
Unwilling to feast his eyes and torture himself further, Max turned pointedly away from Gail and gave the Count a deep bow, inquiring politely how he was enjoying the festivities in his honor.
"Oh! So lovely!" the Count replied. "Ze food, and ze flors, ve have nothing in Barivia like this."
"I was just telling Lord Fontaine that the flowers and gold are so excessively overdone," Lady Charlbury interrupted. "The whole effect is like being in a sneeze-inducing, over-warm, overcrowded peach."
"You're having a good time then?" Gail ventured with a half smile teasing her lips.
"Never had more fun in my life," Lady Charlbury answered, eyes twinkling. Suddenly, the orchestra struck up a waltz, and a titter went through the crowd as gentlemen sought out their partners for the dance.
"Ah, that awful orchestra!" Lady Charlbury cried, making to cover her ears, but no one paid attention to her actions. The Count was staring at the dance floor in wonder.
"A Valtz? I have heard, but never seen such dancing." He spoke more with curiosity than condemnation.
"Really?" Gail asked. "But I thought the dance was created in your part of the world."
The Count smiled under his moustache. "My country is very, ah, alone—ve do not see much of the lands beyond Barivia. And they do not see us." His eyes followed the dancers around the floor. "Clearly, ve have missed much."
"Well, perhaps you should give it a try, then," Max drawled.
"Oh yes, it's quite an easy dance—no intricate steps to learn, just a count of three, and, er, leading and following," Gail added, trying not to blush, and failing.
"I never have liked the waltz," Lady Charlbury piped up. "Men and women standing far too close for decency's sake."
"But, zey are on a dance floor. Iz proper, ya?"
Gail and Max judiciously avoided each other's eyes.
"Absolutely."
"Of course."
"Miz Alton, you vill show me."
"I should be delighted," she replied, moving to take the Count's arm, but he shook his head. "No, I know not ze steps. Ah, Lord Fontaine, vill you dance vith Miz Alton, so I may see?"
Max had a good notion to refuse, for there were any number of couples already on the floor that the Count could observe, but the way the Count was looking at him, straight-backed, with that immobile mustache, told Max that this was not a request.
So, with Lady Charlbury's sharp eyes watching with unabashed interest, Max bowed to Gail and led her to the floor. They were too intent on each other to see the Count throw a wink to a smirking Lady Charlbury.
THERE was none of the awkwardness, the learning involved in their first waltz at Almack's. Now, they knew all too well what it felt like to be in each other's arms. It was like touching fire. The lightest brush of her glove seared his shoulder. His fingers branded her skin through the silk of her gown.
They moved with more fluid grace than either had thought capable. She could feel him move before he even did so. They were perfect.
But any joy or pleasure that Gail had portrayed throughout the evening fell away. She kept her gaze steady over his shoulder; he kept his jaw set. There were no smiles. Only the warmth of his hands, the music propelling them around the floor in time.
Realizing some conversation must be had—even a very little would suffice—Gail gathered her courage and spoke first.
"I'm surprised I haven't stepped on your toes yet."
There. A simple comment on the dancing, wholly innocuous. Never mind her heart was racing.
"Perhaps you have improved through your ample practice this evening," Max retorted snidely.
Nothing would ever be simple with Max, it seemed.
"Perhaps," she conceded coolly.
"You've been having a grand time, haven't you? All laughter and jokes. You have Sterling, Quayle, and Thornley jumping through hoops. Be careful though—they are more out to impress each other than you." His eyes came to her face now, the bitterness of his words shining through them. He threw her violently into a turn, but she held on.
"Do you have a point, Max? Or are you simply enjoying a bit of spite?"
"My point is that for a fortnight, I've been wracked with guilt, while you've been out making friends and enjoying yourself. I've been in a hell of my own making, and you have been laughing and flirting! You have no feeling at all, do you?"
Tears stung her eyes, but pride stung more.
"You begrudge me any happiness I might find, then?" she said, her voice unsteady.
"That's not the point," Max replied curtly.
"You don't know my feelings! For your information, I made friends because I was avoiding you. Because I had to. With your calling on Evangeline, I could not be in the house. And did you know? Other people make it easier to not think about my own stupid actions. So do not begrudge me them, because they are the only reason I'm able to be here now." The tears choked her, making her voice thick with emotion.
"I cannot avoid your home," he said brokenly. "But I have made a very concerted effort to visit less, or meet with your sister elsewhere. You should have been able to enjoy your solitude."
"Yes." Gail let out a bitter laugh. "And still I cannot escape you. You are quite the topic of conversation. Romilla schools Evangeline daily on the importance of being a good wife. I could not call on the Holts for fear you'd be here. And the one afternoon I had to myself, your father arrived at my door."
For the first time all evening, Max stumbled in his steps.
"You met my father?" he asked, incredulous. At her affirmative nod, Max's face darkened.
"Lord Fontaine," she began carefully, "I know you and your father don't get on, but he's not...Max, please, that hurts."
The hand that had unconsciously tightened about hers slowly, deliberately loosened.
Gail let out a breath she hadn't even known she was holding. But before they could regain the pace of the other whirling couples, Max abruptly pulled her off the floor and to an innocuous corner shaded by a particularly low-hung bough of roses.
"What did he say to you?" Max loomed over her, so close, so intense, Gail's mouth went dry.
"He...he said he wanted to meet me."
"Why?"
"He confused me with Evangeline."
Swearing under his breath, Max demanded that a wide-eyed Gail recount the whole of her conversation with the Earl. She did so, judiciously editing out the Earl's insight to her own feelings. She told herself such information served no purpose, but secretly knew she was protecting her own heart.
As Max listened to her finish the careful speech, his jaw clenched tighter.
"And after he called you a fool—he left," she finished.
"Nothing new there," Max growled.
Tentatively, Gail reached out a hand, resting it lightly on his arm.
"Your father...he's not such a bad man."
Max shuddered a little, recoiling at her words as if struck.
Gail braved her way further. "It seemed to me he just wanted to know his son's choice of wife. He may be a bit dictatorial, but I think...I think he cares for you."
"No. No!" Max yelled, causing no small amount of turned heads. Only Gail's hand on his arm kept him from stalking off. Fury and panic read clear as day in his green eyes.
"Don't dare take his side. He cares about me only as an extension of a name he refuses to give up control of. You are one of the few people who know...He did this on purpose. He approached you on purpose. He'll try to manipulate you and through you, me. You cannot trust his motives. So don't you dare feel for my father, because God knows I don't."
Unaware he was ranting, unaware of the tears that swam in front of Gail's eyes, Max pulled his arm free of her grasp. Music and laughter continued around them as long moments passed, Gail's heart cracking not because of Max, but rather for him.
"If you just talked with him..." she tried again valiantly, futilely. But Max backed away from her outreached hand as if it were diseased.
For a moment he looked as if she had hit him, hurt him. But then eyes hardened, and he allowed his spite to flow in low menacing tones.
"You talk and you talk and you talk, but you never listen, you foolish little girl. No wonder you were such a disaster all your life. You cannot mend fences that have been blown to splinters. I don't give a bloody damn about my father. He can rot in hell for all I care. And you can..." He paused for breath and faltered.
He had her backed against a wall—Gail was not too proud to admit that she was slightly frightened. His face was a deep red, his muscles tensed to a snapping point. His brow was drawn down into a menace, but slowly, slowly, Gail saw horror and pain dawning over him. He let out his steam in one long hiss.
"Blast," he finally breathed, before abruptly walking away.
Gail stood for some moments in shock, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. She had no idea his father had burned him this badly. She was quite certain Max didn't either. As she brought her hand to her flushed cheek, she took a surreptitious peek from behind the bough of flowers. A few discreet nearby heads turned away quickly, but Gail couldn't bring herself to care. She was mostly surprised to find that the dancing, the laughter, the music, all continued.
Nothing, and everything, seemed to have occurred.
After a quick trip to the powder room, Gail found her way back to her circle of friends, ready to laugh and feign happiness until she could leave without giving offense, in approximately an hour. If she managed to tear her hem or stub her toe, she could escape in possibly half the time. She was just about to make an accomplice of a nearby chair, when Count Roffstaam approached.
Politely extracting her from Lilly Pickering and Mr. Belling, the Count pulled her to one side.
Gail was rather tired of being pulled from place to place.
"Zat vas a very short valtz," the Count said, watching closely as Gail worried a lock of hair.
"Count Roffstaam, I apologize if Lord Fontaine and I did not demonstrate the dance properly for you," she began tiredly. The waltz was the last thing on her mind right now.
"May I offer advising?" the Count asked. At her sullen nod, he continued. "My vife and I"—he nodded toward the Countess's tall pink form across the room—"fight like bears. But, never are we letting arguing go without the sun."
Momentarily befuddled, Gail asked, "Do you mean you never let the sun go down on an argument?"
"Ya, ya." He nodded excitedly.
"But Max...Lord Fontaine and I do not, er, have a relationship of that nature."
The Count stared baldly at Gail until her cheeks burned with the rightness of his assumption. As she looked to her toes, the Count took Gail's hand between his two.
"My country may not understand the waltz," he said, consolingly, but with surprisingly little accent, "but they understand each other. Two people must mend before sleeping. Go and offer the apology."
"But Count Roffstaam," Gail replied, tired but resolute, "it is he who owes me an apology. Of that I'm certain."
The Count leaned in conspiratorially and whispered.
"Then go and be there to receive it."
HE'D be damned if he apologized, Max thought as he downed a third glass of whiskey. He sat alone in Mr. Holt's private library, aware of the lull of music and laughter that went on just beyond the huge mahogany doors.
He'd poisoned her, was Max's only panicked thought. She spoke in defense of his father, and that was as damning a betrayal as Brutus to Caesar. Even as the pain of it sliced through him, he remembered, cringing, the look of wide-eyed fear on Gail's face.
She'd never forgive him, anyway. He poured a fourth. He'd been so bloody mean—as mean as his father on his worst day. So there was no point—he was unforgivable.
The only bright side of having Gail hate him was that she would never speak to him again. Max chuckled a raw, pained laugh. How low had he fallen when that was a bright side?
He was about to enjoy the fourth glass when the library doors opened, and on a flood of music and chatter, Will Holt entered the room, a small scrap of paper crumpled in his hand and a grave expression on his face.
"Fontaine, here you are." As Will started toward him, his eyes fell to the bottle at Max's side. "God—you've...you've heard, haven't you?"
"Heard what?" Max slurred, again raising the glass to his lips. Will stayed his friend's hand.
"Fontaine...Max. You may want to be sober for this." Will gently removed the glass, bringing a bewildered Max's attention to his face.
"Goddammit, Holt. I'm in here trying to drown my sorrows, and I bloody well can't do that without whiskey." Max reached for the glass, but Will held it out of reach.
"Fontaine! Damn it all, stop!" Will yelled, trying to hold the whiskey and hold him steady at the same time. "Max! Your father died!"
Everything stopped.
He went absolutely still. All the noise in his head, all other thoughts, stopped. Ceased to exist. The world had halted on its axis, leaving Max the only one turning, dizzy. Will held out the crumpled bit of paper to Max, who took it dully, automatically.
Max looked at the writing, not really seeing what it said, not able to make out the meaning. He held it for some minutes, as the words Father and expired finally registered in his brain. Max looked up to Will.
"I'm sorry," his friend ventured softly. But as Max met his eyes, the bubble of laughter that escaped Max's throat cracked through the air like a whip.
"Nothing to be sorry about, old chap," Max said, the cynicism dripping with each word. "I just inherited an Earldom and my freedom with one blow."
Will cringed. He didn't see the piece of paper clutched in a fist closed so tightly it shook.
In fact, only one person noticed that white-knuckled fist.
In his haste to reach Max with the news, Will had neglected to close the library doors. Gail, sent on her quest by the Count, had located her quarry. What she saw left her speechless.
However, it didn't leave Lady Hurstwood speechless, who was passing from the powder room. She may not have noticed the fisted, shaking hand, but she noticed everything else.
## Twenty-five
LADY Hurstwood's gossiping tongue did its work at record speed. She told the tale of the earl's passing and his son's callousness with such relish, it was amazing to many that she managed to keep a sober look on her face. However, Gail was too busy at the moment to frown over Lady Hurstwood's facial expressions. She had to get to Max. And since Will had put him immediately into a carriage, the only way to do that was to get out of the ball. So, instead of returning to the ballroom, she turned into the dining room, where she intended to reach her father before the gossip or Romilla did.
Sir Geoffrey sat at one of the tables, indulging in a cigar and some conversation with Mr. Fortings. He was chuckling as his daughter limped to him.
"Father," she said, with what she hoped was a tired but happy expression, "I wanted to inform you I'm headed back to the house."
"What? Oh Gail! What's this? Going home already?" Sir Geoffrey asked, looking only a little peeved at her interrupting the masculine conversation.
"Yes. I've danced and danced, and now I've bruised my foot in the process. Romilla has said it's quite all right, but I should ask you for either the carriage or hack money."
It would, of course, be terribly crude for Sir Geoffrey to send his daughter home in a hack, so Gail soon found herself in the possession of the carriage, with the strictest instructions to send it back for the rest of the family. Then, with a perfunctory kiss on the cheek and a dismissive wave, Sir Geoffrey turned back to his conversation with Mr. Fortings before he could see his daughter remove herself quite speedily and without so much as a trace of limp.
ELSEWHERE in the mansion, Romilla was idly sipping punch when the news of her prospective stepson-in-law's father's demise reached her ears. And by none other than Lady Hurstwood herself.
"And I don't suppose we'll ever see him married now," that lady conspiratorially whispered.
Romilla took a calm sip of punch. "Why do you say that?" she queried nonchalantly.
"Oh, everyone knows it was his father that was pressuring him into marriage. The Baron Rentworth is a, er, close friend of mine, and he said the old Earl (God rest his soul) had actually threatened to cut the boy out of his inheritance—the part that was not entailed, which is quite a large portion. But now that the father's gone"—here she interjected a heartfelt sigh to her narrative—"there's no reason for the son to hunt a bride."
Romilla, a credit to her social skills, managed to remain cool as iced tea as Lady Hurstwood delivered her parting line.
"It's a pity someone didn't snag him sooner—especially if that young lady strived to the point of compromise to secure him."
AND so it was, for the second time in a quarter hour, a female family member interrupted Sir Geoffrey during his conversation and cigar.
"Romilla!" he cried. Seeing his wife approach with a placid smile, he tried to shove his still-burning cigar into the hands of a very amused Mr. Fortings.
"Here you are, dearest," Romilla said easily. "Mr. Fortings, do you mind if I steal my husband away for a few moments?" At that gentleman's acquiescing nod, her husband stood and placed Romilla's arm through his, commencing a leisurely stroll to a private alcove out of sight and earshot of the other diners.
"Darling, it wasn't my cigar, I swear, Fortings just asked me to hold it a moment..."
"Don't talked to me now about such a silly thing as cigars, we are about to be undone!"
As Romilla told him of the Earl's demise and the gossip that had ensued, Sir Geoffrey's face went from white to red, to black with anger.
"All this time...it was just for his inheritance?" Sir Geoffrey asked disbelievingly.
"Dearest, whatever his motives, it is immaterial now. The point is he's going to cry off!"
"He gave me his word," Sir Geoffrey said darkly. "We must impress upon him the importance of keeping it."
"We must do more than that, we must force him." Romilla took a deep breath and imparted her plan. "We have to announce it."
Sir Geoffrey stroked his chin. "But even if we announce the engagement, it will appear after the news of the Earl's death—it will seem a desperate act on our part."
"Go and wake up your friend at the Times. Have him pull all the papers that were to be distributed in the morning and reprinted with the announcement. This is the material point: It must seem as if we placed the announcement before the Earl's death. And make it known they've been secretly engaged for a while."
"But...I've already given the carriage to take Gail home."
Romilla was so exasperated she nearly shook her husband.
"Then, hire a hack, for goodness sake! In fact, t'will be better if you do—no one will spot our carriage where it should not be. I'll make your excuses. Just go, now!"
And with that last command, Romilla dispatched her husband to go and awaken his editor friend from his well-earned slumber. She returned to the ballroom some minutes later, wholly composed and graceful, keeping her eyes on Evangeline as she danced, speaking quietly with her in the interim. Although she seemed to be calm and blasé in the sea of gossip swirling around them, Romilla's mind was far too engaged on the predicament at hand to dwell very long on why her second daughter had left the party early, and unescorted.
TO carry off her hastily put together plan, Gail required the assistance of two particular servants. One was Jimmy, the groom, who as a longtime observer of the tenuous relationship between Miss Gail and "that Lord Fontaine bloke," and a bit of a romantic to boot, was more than willing to assist the young mistress. The second was Gail and Evangeline's ladies' maid, Polly, who, as luck would have it, was Jimmy's sweetheart.
After entering Number Seven and making a show to Morrison and Mrs. Bibb of her intention to retire for the evening, Gail went to her room. There, with the assistance of Polly, she quickly changed out of her ball gown and into the darkest clothing she owned, which she discovered was her dark green velvet riding habit. With a black hooded cloak draped about Gail's shoulders, Polly ushered her down the servant's fortuitously empty corridors and out to the stables. There, Jimmy was waiting with QueenBee.
Covered by the cloak and the darkness of night, Gail went to the front door of Max's rather modest dwelling and knocked softly.
She waited a full ten seconds before impatience had her trying the door handle. It was unlocked.
The lodgings were completely still. She moved quietly, keeping her eyes peeled for any servant, anyone who should acknowledge her presence, but none emerged. It seemed as if her very breath would disrupt the frozen house.
Had she guessed wrong? Maybe Max had not come back here, maybe he had gone to Longsbowe House in Mayfair. Maybe he had already left for his estate. Maybe he had...Gail poked her head into the rooms on either side of the small corridor, finding a cozy, messy study, and a small, tidy drawing room, but no sign of life. She nervously played with a curl of hair, wondering if she should check the back of the house, when the slightest flicker of light caught her eye from under a door on the far side of the drawing room.
Gail froze, mesmerized by that faint glow of light. To slip into a man's house in the dead of night was foolish, impulsive, and tantamount to ruination. To seek him out in his bedchamber was ruination.
And yet, she'd come this far, with one purpose: Max. She didn't know how, didn't know why, but she knew he needed her to be his friend tonight.
Love is need.
It was the easiest decision of her life to cross the room and seek the light.
Her soft footsteps came to a stop before what she'd guessed was Max's bedchamber. When soft knocking elicited no response (and neither did loud knocking), Gail held her breath as she tested the handle, easing open the door.
He stood by the bed, his back to Gail. His stillness mirrored that of his rooms, as he stared at some random spot on the counterpane, lost in his thoughts.
She stepped into the room, but kept her hand on the knob, as if to hold her from fleeing.
"Your doors are unlocked," she ventured softly. He was so still, she couldn't know if he heard her. "Where is everyone?"
"The maid is only here once a week. I sent Harris to Longsbowe Park, to prepare for my father's arrival." He spoke in monotone, keeping his back to her. The light she had followed was a single candlestick, resting on a table by the bed. It flickered softly as his breath passed by, all too soon returning to stillness. As her eyes adjusted, Gail could see various articles of clothing lying neatly on the bed, a pair of boots on the floor. Max had not changed out of his impeccable evening kit, having only removed the dark black coat. Next to the clothes sat a small opened valise.
"You're going away," she said softly.
"I must. I have a parent to bury."
"Are you..."
"I'm fine," he said curtly. "You can go."
"No," Gail whispered, her heart in her throat. "I don't think I should."
He turned to her then, his eyes unreadable in the dark, but his jaw set and angry.
"Think?" he replied mockingly. "God forbid you ever try it. Get out of here, now!"
Gail's hand tightened on the doorknob, warring with the strong impulse to turn and run. But she held her ground.
"You told me your father tried to manipulate you in the past..." she began stiltedly.
"I don't wish to discuss my father with you," he warned, his tone low, his broad shoulders working fiercely under the taut expanse of his shirt.
"You should know," Gail continued bravely, "that whatever your parent's methods, I believe in the end his intentions were good." She let go of the handle, taking a step away from the door. It creaked softly shut.
"When you first told me of him, I thought him a monster, and you thought him a monster, too, I believe. But I met him. He was just a man, Max. A lonely, old man, broken by time and his mistakes. I think...I think he came to understand that you were your own person. And underneath all that, he was your father."
She stepped closer as she spoke, coming to rest in front of Max, who refused to raise his head and meet her imploring, sincere eyes. She was close enough to touch him, but dared not reach out.
"Max..." she whispered, the sympathy in her voice bridging the space between them.
"No!" he cried so sharply, Gail took a step back. "Why on earth am I plagued with such a nosy creature? Do I have to be cruel to be rid of you? Fine." When she took another step back, he stepped forward, pushing, pursuing. "At the museum, I told you about the meanness of my father to get under your skirts. You had been twitching about the stacks all day, driving me mad, and I preyed on your surprisingly eager sympathy. You should have seen yourself, too, when I told you how my father made himself ill to get me to stay in the country—you were so ready to comfort me in my grief I could have tossed you on the floor, and you would have made no argument. In fact," he crowded her as her back hit the wall, "you would have enjoyed it."
Gail sucked in her breath, finding she had no farther to go. He put both of his hands on either side of her head, effectively caging her in.
"Is that why you're here now?" he murmured. "To...assuage my grief?" One hand left the wall to graze over the velvet of her jacket. "I can't see you in this habit without thinking of how easily the buttons come free."
The want in his voice mingled enticingly with the menace. She felt his breath on her lips as he leaned in closer, and closer. Then in an instant, he pushed himself off the wall and stalked away from her, back to his packing.
"Get out of here now, Brat, before I take what your very presence here offers."
Gail stood frozen to the wall, but not with fear. A great calm had settled about her, an understanding. Her voice was clear as she spoke.
"He missed you."
She saw his shoulders tense, but he remained silent.
"All that you said tonight, on the dance floor, here in this room, I know it's not true."
"I don't give a damn about my father," he said as he ruthlessly stuffed shirts into the valise.
"Bullshit," she replied, clear as a bell.
He turned, openmouthed in surprise.
"Where did you learn that word?"
"I know lots of words." She moved toward him, her confidence growing with each measured step. "You've encouraged me to speak up, so I shall. It's bullshit."
"My father was an old manipulative man, and I never gave a damn about him," but his voice lacked the conviction it had before.
"What ho, methinks the gentleman doth protest too much," Gail said, her steady gaze penetrating him. "If you don't care about him, if you never cared, then what have you been doing in London all this time? You could have traveled the world twice over, and yet you remained here. If you didn't care about your father, then you must have been simply waiting around for him to die."
"Don't say that!"
"You stayed," she replied, her voice louder than his, stronger with its certainty, "because you did care. Because you were worried. You had to leave Longsbowe to survive, I understand that, but you stayed close enough so if he needed you, you'd be there. You loved him."
All of Max's arguments died on his tongue. All he could do was watch Gail as she approached him, listen as she gave voice to the tumult of his feelings.
"He loved you, too. Everything he did might have been warped and misguided and foolish..."
"Stop it," he croaked.
"He was still your father, Max. He was still the man who taught you how to fish, who shared his love of his lands with you. He cared about you. If nothing else, believe that. It's all right to be sad." She had reached his side by now and impulsively laid a gloved hand on his tense wrist. He simply stared at it. "If you're mad, if you want to scream. You're allowed to miss him."
"No," he whispered. "No! No! Stop, right now!" he yelled, shaking off her hand, turning away, pacing furiously.
His face was a portrait of pain and anger, of confusion and grief, as he stalked in long strides the length of the carpet. Suddenly he crossed to her, breathing heavily.
For a moment, Gail thought he might hit her, but she refused to flinch. Then, a decision made, he grabbed her arms and pulled her roughly to him, kissing her fiercely, bruising her lips with his.
She did not move. She refused to let her shaking knees fold into him, but also did she refuse to back away.
He kept kissing her, pushing himself against her soft but unyielding frame, trying desperately to feel something, anything, but this breaking in his chest.
Soon enough, Gail felt something wet fall against her cheek. A tear, but it did not belong to her.
Max was crying, no longer pressing his intentions against her mouth. His grip was still fierce on her arms, and he fell to his knees, unable to stand anymore, such was the violence of his sobs. She pressed his face to her stomach, holding him there, the dam finally broken.
They stayed like that for some while, Max holding firmly to Gail's waist, she soothing his head and shoulders, as he mourned for the father that had died tonight, and the one he lost so many years ago.
## Twenty-six
IT was still pitch dark outside, and Gail was drooling on his chest.
Sometime during the emotional haze of the night, they had transferred to the bed. It was unclear to Max how they managed to end there, wrapped around each other, but it seemed right somehow. Peaceful repose would not have been achieved any other way.
They were both still clothed, of course. Gail's heavy, voluminous skirts belled out around her, her feet tucked under and lost in the sea of green velvet. It made her seem impossibly small. She seemed so peaceful, so delicate in sleep, Max thought. Considering how she had stood up to him so fiercely such a short time ago, it was another impossibility to add to the ever-growing list.
For instance, it was impossible that he was in love with Gail, and yet, he knew it to be true. While eventually exhaustion had caused Gail's eyes to flutter into sleep, Max had remained awake. She curled up against his chest, unwilling even in sleep to let go of him, and Max let his attention wander over the course of his life since he had come to know this annoying, nosy, curious, beautiful, intelligent, witty creature at his side. The minute he felt the cold wet patch of her drool hit his chest through his shirt, and he didn't mind, he knew he was in love.
She challenged him at every turn. He had been floating along, just making do until he met her. For the first time, he wanted more, wanted to be more. For her. He wanted to be the reason for those secret smiles that constantly lit her face.
He smiled just thinking of it, a great sigh leaving his chest. Unfortunately, such motion roused the weight of slumbering female half-situated on said chest. Her eyes fluttered open.
"Hello," he murmured.
"Hello," she replied, realizing as she moved her mouth that fluid had escaped. She blushed readily.
"Oh goodness. I'm so sorry." She wiped her mouth.
"Don't worry about it," he said, his hand pushing an errant lock of hair behind her ear.
"I don't usually drool, I swear." She took a bit of sleeve and dabbed at his shirt, causing him to chuckle.
"Good to know," he replied dryly. While indeed, Max didn't mind at all now, he shouldn't like to be drooled on for the rest of his days.
She stilled in her ministrations. Good lord, had he said that last bit out loud? She raised her lids and met his steady gaze. Or could she simply know his thoughts? A moment of heat passed between them, intense and very real. But then, with a flush of her cheeks, Gail looked away, coughing nervously, and blinked about the room, clearing herself of sleep.
"How long was I dozing?" she asked, attempting to pull herself up to a position resembling respectability, which, on a bed with a gentleman, was of no use.
"Not too long," he replied, ushering Gail's head back down to his shoulder, stroking her hair. "'Tis not yet day."
He could have her long, warm body lay in the crook of his arm forever. She seemed more than content to be there. After some minutes, Gail raised her head to look into his eyes.
"Are you all right?" she asked.
A mix of emotions flashed through him, but anger and hurt were no longer among them.
"I think I will be," he said after some deliberation. "And that's to your credit." For indeed, a sense of peace had come over Max. In the course of his musings, his thoughts turned to his father, his mind clearer. Maybe he hadn't understood the old man at all. And maybe, even though the Earl had passed, it was time to try to do so.
But not this very moment. This moment was for Gail. That bewitching creature was looking up into his face with shining eyes, searching his face with concern and love. She leaned up and laid a soft kiss on his lips, one that asked nothing, but gave everything.
When she pulled away, it was to see that love reflected on his face.
"Would you like to know how I'm feeling right now?" he asked.
A moment passed before that wisecracking half-grin bloomed.
"A man offering to speak his feelings? This must be a first in the course of human history."
"Minx. You don't wish to know then?"
Her face softened. "Tell me."
"I feel like I've been thrown into cold water—" he said as she settled back down against his shoulder.
"If this is about the lake..." she warned.
"It's not about the lake. Although it was cold." She slapped his chest playfully, but he caught her hand, his fingers drifting over her wrist and opening her hand like a flower petal. Then he edged gently across her palm, lacing her fingers with his.
"I've been thrown into cold water, and all I've got to hold to is your hand."
His eyes burned into hers as he said this, the depth of his feeling expressed for the first time. So powerful were those words, that all she could say in that moment was, "Oh."
He leaned down, kissing her as lightly as she had him.
When he pulled back, it was to see the light of her humor back in her eyes.
"That was awfully poetic," she said.
"Yes," he agreed wryly.
"Are you sure you haven't been tucked away here, studying Byron for the past few weeks?"
His eyes crinkled at the corners as he regarded her with faux outrage.
"Are you mocking me? In my great moment of honesty you mock me?" She giggled in reply, the sound lightening his heart. "I am wounded, through the core."
"Oh, Lord Fontaine," she replied, stifling a giggle, "I am so very sorry to have bruised your obviously delicate feelings. Had I but known! Had I but seen!"
"And your apology insincere!" he cried, and turned his face away.
"Max!" she laughed, but he refused to look at her. So, mischeviously, she leaned up very close to his ear, whispering his name. At the same time, her free hand began to dance a seductive pattern on his chest.
"Max..."
Her breath blew across his ear, and immediately lust shot through him. He held still as long as he could...which was about two and a half seconds.
Flipping over with lightning speed, Max was suddenly laying on top of his laughing quarry. His face a hair's breadth from hers, she saw a flicker of roguish humor play over his features before his mouth met hers.
What began playfully soon turned passionate. Hands in her hair forced the long-maligned pins out, hands on his shirt found and undid quarrelsome buttons.
Freeing the full length of her tresses, Max lifted his head long enough to spread her hair out over the pillow. In the past he had seen it wet and tangled, he had mussed it, causing it to fall about her face in charming disarray, but never before, he realized, had he seen its full length. Surprisingly it came past her elbows. A smile of pure greed lifted his lips. Who would have thought that practical, sharp Gail would have something as feminine and beguiling as long, lush hair?
She was the most complex person he was ever likely to meet, he thought as he tenderly traced her eyebrows, her jaw. The quirks that made her strange made her whole.
"What is it?" she asked, confusion, nervousness in her voice.
He smiled, intent upon putting her at ease. "I was just thinking: Is there anything you aren't? You are witty, strange, superstitious, strong, brave—so many wonderful things to me. So is there anything you aren't?" he asked softly. "Anything you cannot do? Because quite honestly, you overwhelm me."
A tremulous blushing smile accompanied a barely audible sigh of relief. When he had pulled away, she was terrified she had done something wrong. Now, she knew there was no wrong here. Only what felt right.
Why shouldn't you try for happiness?
"Well," she breathed coyly, "I'm afraid I don't speak Italian."
His eyes blazed. His lips curled. "On that, I can instruct you."
He dove for her—she dove with him.
There was no restraint, nothing holding them back from each other. In this room, in this time, only they two existed. He kissed her eyes, her neck, her jaw, everywhere there was flesh. And when he found his pursuits obstructed, he went about exposing more. The buttons of her habit came free as easily as Max had remembered. The chemise underneath was silk, and when the erotic feel of it was replaced by his lips, Gail cried out in surprise and pleasure.
She could feel his grin against her breast at her outcry, but before she could protest his very male sense of victory, his lips came together again, and he began to suckle.
After that, it was really all she could do to not buck off the bed.
One hand threaded its way through his dark, thick hair, the other held firmly over her mouth.
"Darling, stop biting your hand," he said, lifting his head. "There's no one to hear you cry out."
She shot him a look through her daze of lust. "You'll hear me."
"I," he replied with a grin, "want to hear you."
Before she could come up with a clever retort, which Max liked to think might take a few seconds longer than normal, given her current state, he slipped one hand up under her skirts quickly, cupping her most private of places so intimately, she cried out again.
His eyes grew black with desire, with triumph.
"That's not fair!" she squeaked, as she felt his thumb do things that surely thumbs didn't normally do.
He grinned as he said, "Never said anything about 'fair,'" and lowered his mouth to hers again, feeding her fierce passion with his own, melding her to his body, only their clothes keeping them from each other now.
Then he stilled, withdrawing his hand. A small spasm of pain crossed his face as he watched her small frown.
"Darling. Gail, look at me." Her clouded eyes met his, ablaze with so much passion that he wanted to slit his wrists for what he was about to do.
"If you want me to stop, tell me now," he said, as he bit his lip, frustration, fear, and pain all crossing his features at once. "What comes next...I won't be able to stop."
For the space of a breath, for the space of an eternity, he thought she might come to her senses and make him end their play. That twisted a knife in his side. No, this was no longer playing. This was everything. And while his honor had warred with his body, honor had won, and left him in the balance as she decided his fate.
Then, a smile. That playful, wicked smile.
"And miss my Italian lesson?" she proclaimed innocently. "Not a chance."
Pure, unadulterated relief flowed from him in waves. Through a shaky smile, he replied, "I did say I'd instruct you, didn't I? Very well." He sat up quickly on his heels, immediately missing the feel of her next to him.
"This," he said, indicating his shirt that hung open, "is called a camicia."
"Camicia," she repeated.
Never letting his eyes stray from hers, he removed the camicia and tossed it on the floor.
An eyebrow shot up at seeing his bare chest, hard planes and muscles that played over his shoulders. A spattering of dark curly hair danced its way down his chest, over a hard, lean stomach and into a tiny trail that disappeared into his trousers.
So this was the body of a boring, bookish translator, eh?
He watched the flush rise to her cheeks, as her gaze traveled over his body, and if he thought he had been hard before, he was throbbing with need now.
"Now this," he said, fingering the open ends of her habit's jacket, "is a giacca."
She sat up, her eyes never leaving his face, the set of her jaw telling him, daring him to remove the giacca. And he was never one to back down from a challenge, especially not one so enticing.
Once that garment was tossed to the floor, Max's hand traveled to the waistband of her skirts. He found the row of buttons, and undid them each with a flick of his extremely adroit (as Gail was aware) thumb.
"This is a gonna." As he attempted to pull it down her body, Max realized she was also encased in about half a dozen petticoats. "Good Lord, woman, how many gonna are you wearing?"
Gail shrugged, a glint of mischief in her eye. "As many gonna as are required."
"Well, they are not required here. In fact, we are firmly against them," Max replied, as he worked her lushly rounded bottom out of the voluminous garments. "Oof," he said as he heaved them onto the floor. "That is the heaviest damn outfit I've ever seen."
"Yes, I believe I've mentioned that before." She smirked.
He remembered that first day at the lake, a waterlogged imp so weighted down by sopping wet velvet she couldn't even stand.
"So you did." He smiled, and lowered himself down on top of her once more.
Stockings and a chemise. Calza et biacheria intima. When they fell to the floor onto the pile, Gail felt wholly exposed, in body and mind. Although that could simply have been an effect of being completely naked. And it felt glorious.
His hands, his mouth, took in every plush curve, every lean, long muscle, every sensitive bit of flesh, content to lazily feast. But inside, low in her belly, the desire, the need for more built a hunger she could not ignore.
Her hand reached for his trousers.
"What are these called?" she asked shyly as her fingers undid the top buttons.
His hand grabbed hers with such a fierce grip she thought fleetingly she hurt him—and by the look on his face, maybe she had.
"Not yet," he mumbled, and again kissed her, but she would not be deterred. Her deft fingers flicked the second button open before he could stop her.
Max groaned and he lifted himself on his elbows, staring down into her face.
There it was, she thought. His own little war. She had given him permission, and was about to give him everything, but still his honor demanded he question it.
Softly, and with infinite gentleness, she asked again, "What are 'trousers' in Italian?"
"Pantaloni," he said at long last, and in the space it took her to repeat the new word, they had joined the pile of clothes on the floor.
"Oh," she breathed, taking him in wholly with her eyes.
He was beautiful.
He was magnificent.
He was at full attention.
And he was far too large for this to be even remotely feasible.
He saw the fear, the uncertainty cross her face. Goddammit. He knew it was too soon—he didn't want to scare her. Now all he could do was allay her fears.
A predatory smirk lit his eyes. Good thing he knew exactly how.
She cleared her throat nervously, as she struggled to sit up, causing him to smile all the wider. "Um, ah...Max, I'm not...that is...how...?"
"You at a loss for words is the best compliment I've ever received," he replied, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.
Her mouth formed an O of outrageous shock. He was laughing even as his hand snaked up her thigh and began to caress her in a way that made her eyes go dark and dreamy.
"I promise you—and I always keep my promises—this will work. And quite well, too."
As he touched her intimately, that hunger that had been building began to burn. When a finger slid inside her, she burst into flames. When he slid down her body and replaced his thumb with his tongue, the fire consumed her.
It was rather fortuitous that Max had given her leave to cry out, Gail thought dazedly as a torrent of shudders wracked her body in waves. For surely, she was making noise enough to wake the neighboring county.
She was exquisite, he thought, watching her in the throes of passion. And he was the one to do that, he grinned with relish.
Before the little spasms of pleasure had ceased, Max angled her for his entrance. And found himself at the gates of paradise.
"What was that?" Gail asked between heavy breaths.
"That was the beginning." He grinned down at her.
"There's more?" Her eyes went wide as he nodded. He pushed himself forward, just a little, sliding so easily into her slick, welcoming entry.
"What is this?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Everything else," he replied, easing himself forward more.
The long eyelashes fluttered closed, as she gave herself up to the feel of him.
This was the tricky part, he knew. In theory, anyway. Having never deflowered anyone, he had to go on what he had been told about the process as a lad.
He really should have studied up more recently, he thought grimly.
Slowly, gently, he made his way. When he finally reached the barrier of her innocence, he lifted his head from their current distracting ministrations.
"Gail, love." Her eyes fluttered to meet his. "I, ah...I'm told this part hurts a bit."
"Told?" Gail said sharply. "You haven't done this before?"
"Of course I have!" he replied indignantly. "But, well, not with anyone who hasn't also done this before. So if it does hurt, I apologize in advance."
Again, before she could voice one word of question, remark, or protest, Max plunged forward and broke through.
He stilled above her, desperate to see if she was all right, if she was in pain, if she was going to kill him for this. He watched as she took a series of slow, steady breaths, keeping her eyes closed. And then she opened those eyes.
And smiled.
Feather-light kisses rained down upon her face. And when he kissed her deeply, so deeply she felt it in her soul, she tilted her hips up, inviting him in farther.
That was all he needed. Her hands roamed over his strong back, his buttocks as he moved himself within her, holding her to him. Every time he pulled away, he came back, faster, deeper, until that pressure, that hunger, that fire built within her again. She matched his pace, his passion. He whispered words in her ear, "Caro mio, amoré." Words she didn't know but somehow understood. He took her thighs, her hips, lifting her to him, all the while caressing, feeling, feeling her to his goddamn toes. When she burst, she said his name.
And when her climax shook about him, he took one last plunge, and fell.
IT was a good time later that they finally decided to move. Not terribly far, however. Reluctant to quit that contact that had proved so powerful, Max simply rolled over, taking his lady with him. The sun had yet to peek above the horizon, so it could not account for the light in either Gail or Max's eyes.
"I confess," Gail said, breaking the lazy silence that cocooned them, "had I know Italian was so interesting, I'd have taken care to learn earlier."
"Perish the thought!" Max replied. "It is my estimable pleasure to teach you." He leaned up and kissed her damp brow.
"Is there any other subject you require instruction on? I should be happy to oblige," Max asked cheekily, as he wrapped Gail still tighter in his arms.
"We-ell..." she began, toying with a lock of hair near his ear, "I'm afraid I don't sing or play well."
"Hence your atrocious disregard for Beethoven as the musical genius time will prove him to be, but go on. Ow!" he exclaimed, as she tugged hard on the aforementioned lock.
She grinned and continued, "And I don't have a hand at painting. And I have never been able to make a single piece of embroidery that resembled what it was intended to. I cannot play chess to save my life. And I am absolutely abysmal at higher-level mathematics. Calculus completely escaped me."
"Lord, woman. That's quite beyond me. Who can do all that, honestly?" Max replied with a small laugh. Gail, however, was not laughing. She was regarding him with a furrowed brow and a quirk of her head.
"Evangeline."
Max stilled quite suddenly. "Really?" he asked, mildly perplexed.
"Yes." She nodded. "She's actually quite accomplished."
"But, er, what young lady is not accomplished?"
"She's not simply accomplished—she outstripped our tutor in mathematics by the age of fourteen. She's sold paintings to galleries in Paris." With a small, disbelieving laugh, Gail leaned up to look him quizzically in the eye. "Didn't she tell you she loved art?"
Max, more than a bit disgruntled to be discussing his intended bride with her sister with whom he had just made love, frowned in discomfort.
"Er—ah, she might have mentioned it, I suppose I wasn't paying much attention. Gail"—he began stroking the soft skin of her back in smooth, calming motions—"You shouldn't think that because your sister can do these things she's better than you. It's impossible."
Gail smiled nervously. "You asked me if there's anything I'm not. I'm not many things, Max, things that every lady should be. I know it. Evangeline outstrips me in many ways."
She paused for a moment, clearly awkward in her confession of her various lacks.
"Darling," he began, but Gail regrouped, clearing her throat.
"However, that's not the reason I was frowning. Max, it has just occurred to me that you didn't get to know Evangeline at all, did you?"
A moment of disbelieving realization passed in front of Max.
"No, I don't suppose I did. I was too busy falling in love with you."
Max's confession fell from his mouth with surprising ease.
"I have long since come to the realization that one evening, nay, twenty minutes, in a moonlit garden bespeaks nothing more than infatuation," he said, "which doesn't last beyond a real conversation. I confess, I never thought of Evangeline as more than a beautiful girl in a garden. I fell in love where and with whom I least expected. And, my darling girl, it took longer than twenty minutes."
The object of his affection looked down into his face, openmouthed with shock and wonder. Fortunately, she did not drool.
"Then again, maybe falling had only taken an instant," he whispered, warmth flowing from him.
For many moments, Gail could not speak. Then, "You love me?" she squeaked.
"Yes," he replied with a grin and a squeeze round her waist. "And you love me."
"Well, of course I love you, but trust you to take the upper hand in the conversation!" And with that, Max laughed loudly, kissed her soundly, and forgot himself enough to mumble more words in Italian. For which Gail insisted on translations.
SOMETIME later, night still cocooning Weymouth Street and its occupants, Gail lifted her sleepy head from her beloved's chest.
"Max..." she whispered.
"Hmm?" was the lazy, sated reply, which elicited a small smile from Gail.
"How is this going to work?"
At that he opened his eyes, met hers. "We'll make it work."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." He ran a hand over her long dark hair, easing her to rest on his chest again.
"Don't worry so. Everything will be sorted out."
Right before Max's eyes closed, he saw Gail's lashes flutter down.
"You'll see, my love. You'll see."
## Twenty-seven
IF logic were rule, Max and Gail would have lived happily ever after from this point on. However, it's sadly true that logic and love rarely have anything to do with each other.
Max had departed for Longsbowe Park a few hours later than planned, and Gail had kissed him good-bye with longing. They murmured promises for the future and speedy returns between their kisses. And then he left.
Gail crept up the servant's staircase of Number Seven as dawn began to lighten the sky. Polly led her to her chamber, where a blissfully dazed Gail fell into bed, too exhausted to contemplate the night before, too happy to avoid doing so. She drifted to sleep, certain that life was, if not perfect, then full of perfect moments.
Of course, that sense of contentment quickly dissolved into confusion upon Gail's arousal from slumber.
She awoke much later than usual. Bleary-eyed, Gail blinked at the clock on the mantel, certain she read it wrong. Eleven! Impossible—Romilla would never let her sleep so late! 'Twas past tea!
Hurriedly she dressed and thrust pins into her hair while running down the steps. Oh, Romilla would have her head, she knew it. There was, however, one silver lining—if anyone had guessed what she'd been doing or where she'd been doing it the previous night, they would have hauled her out of bed by her ears. The fact that she'd been allowed to sleep meant that most likely, she had been forgotten.
That impression was reinforced when Gail entered the drawing room and was assaulted by the voices of a dozen chattering women and the scent of every variety of flower the London hothouses provided.
None of the ladies looked up at her arrival, save her sister, who flanked Romilla in the middle of the hubbub.
"Gail!" Evangeline cried, parting the sea of feathered bonnets and flowered bouquets to take her sister's hand, giving it a hearty squeeze. "You're awake at last. Polly said that you had danced yourself to exhaustion last night. I hope it wasn't the noise that roused you." Evangeline's voice spoke all innocuous pleasantries, but her eyes pleaded for sisterly support. Gail was more than ready to give it, but...
"Evie, what's all the to-do? I didn't know we were expecting so many callers," Gail inquired as Evangeline pulled her back to the couches. The ladies burst into a gale of titters.
"La, child, didn't you know?" Romilla said as the girls took their seats. "The announcement was put in the papers yesterday, and ran just this morning."
"And we are all agog! 'Tis an excellent match," Mrs. Fortings said.
"Quite," said a tight-lipped Lady Hurstwood.
"Announcement?" asked a bewildered Gail, and found Romilla's hand close over hers, squeezing rather tightly.
"Of your sister's engagement, of course," Romilla said very clearly. She beamed a smile at Gail, who could only smile weakly in return. "Gail's known about it for ages of course, the only surprise to her is that it's a surprise to anyone else," she said with an eager grin to the group.
"Indeed," said Lady Hurstwood. "I find it terribly surprising given that Lord Fontaine—I'm sorry, Lord Longsbowe now—that the announcement occurred so close to his father's demise."
"But Fanny, we discussed that before we got here," Mrs. Fortings piped up. "The paper's deadline for announcements and the like is five o'clock the day before it's to run. The announcement was placed before he knew of his father's death."
The whole crowd murmured in agreement as Lady Hurstwood's lips grew tighter.
"Yes, yes, quite the sad affair," Romilla broke in. "Had we known earlier in the day of the late Earl's demise, we would certainly have asked Lord Fontaine—I'm sorry, Lord Longsbowe—to wait until a more proper time to place the announcement. But what's done cannot be undone, and I know, had the old Earl met my darling Evangeline, he would have found no fault in the next Countess of Longsbowe."
Evangeline smiled and received the accolades that followed of her style and beauty with the grace befitting a future Countess. Gail, on the other hand, felt certain that the floor had given way beneath her.
"Ma—er, Lord Longsbowe placed the announcement?" she asked softly of Romilla.
"Well of course, dear, who else should?" Romilla replied quickly, then returned to Mrs. Fortings's description of St. Paul's as a likely place for a wedding as grand as surely this one would be.
What's done cannot be undone. The phrase echoed in Gail's head, the merry chatter that surrounded her reduced to an ebb and flow of squawking likely to drive her mad.
Oh God, what had she done—what had he done? Max wouldn't...wouldn't announce the engagement to Evangeline and then spend the night whispering words of love in her ear...teasing her body with his...making her belong to him in every way. Max wouldn't do that...would he?
And Evangeline looked so beautiful, so perfect in her grace and future position. She practically glowed with every renewed good wish and congratulation. It made Gail crave to be alone, so she could cry and scream all the cries and screams building within her.
Suddenly, Lady Hurstwood's clipped tones broke through her deep reverie.
"I do wonder where Lord Longsbowe is. One would imagine he should call on his bride the day the engagement is announced."
"He can't," Gail murmured before she could think better of it.
Lady Hurstwood regarded Gail with a fixed eye. "Why ever not, child?"
"Because he's in Sussex," replied a masculine voice from the door. The group of ladies turned to see Mr. William Holt, looking particularly fine in a morning coat and buckskin breeches. Evangeline was the only one who did not greet him with a smile.
"My friend Lord Fontaine...good gad, it's dashed hard to call him Longsbowe, but we must get used to it, I suppose—bade me come and tell you that he had to repair to Longsbowe Park, for obvious reasons. He left directly after the ball last night."
Much shuffling occurred to make room for Mr. Holt on the couches, but he held up a hand.
"I'm afraid I cannot stay long, ladies. A tradesman's work is never done, it seems." A few mouths pinched at the mention of Mr. Holt's occupation, but the moment passed quickly.
"Miss Alton," he said, bowing, "I understand I am to wish you joy."
Evangeline, her smile faltering for the first time that morning, never let her eyes leave Will's as she asked, "Do you mean that?"
A moment fell between them before Will replied, "Of course. I hope you are happy, Miss Evangeline."
"Of course," she repeated, a small frown creasing her brow.
"As I hope for all ladies to be, on this most glorious of mornings," Will said cheerily, smiling at the group. The not-so-easily smitten matrons of the Ton smiled back in appreciation of Mr. Holt's good looks and charm. He tipped his hat to them and started for the door.
"Wait!" Gail cried out, extricating herself from the group. "I'll see you out."
As she left the room on William Holt's arm, Mrs. Fortings leaned across Evangeline to whisper to Romilla that the Altons might have cause to plan two weddings this season.
Evangeline, who for a moment seemed slightly green, smiled at Mrs. Fortings, and returned to the topic of lace veils.
OUT in the hall, Gail and Will discussed the peculiarities of the last evening for a few short moments, until Gail came to her decided topic.
"The announcement this morning was a bit of a surprise."
"Yes," Will replied on a cough. "I admit it was."
"Did Max...er, did he mention his intention of placing it in the papers to you?"
"No, he did not. But he rarely discusses his actions with me until after he's acted." Will regarded Gail quizzically for a moment. "We were expecting this, you know. It was simply a matter of time, and time was up."
Gail managed to smile at Will. "Yes, of course. But even the expected can seem sudden."
"Miss Gail, I could not agree more heartily."
"I...I think my sister will be a perfect countess," Gail stammered. "Don't you?"
Will's brows came together for a moment. "Your sister has no claim to perfection, Miss Gail. Sometimes it seems she's too easily led. Also, she's too short for fashion, and...and one eye is slightly bluer than the other...she has those two freckles on her left earlobe..."
Gail's eyes slowly grew wider, as his ramble trailed off.
"Oh, Will," she sighed. For what else could be said on the subject?
Will leaned into a bow, kissing Gail's hand. He was nearly out the door when Gail caught his arm.
"Mr. Holt, do you happen to have Lord Longsbowe's direction? Evangeline, we, may wish to contact him while he's at his estate."
"Certainly," he replied, a small furrow on his brow, but provided Gail with the exact address of Longsbowe Park. He then said his farewells, leaving Gail in the foyer. She did not linger, nor did she return to the drawing room. While she felt for William Holt, she had her own difficulties to address. So instead she ran upstairs, and with a deep breath and a shaky hand, began to pen a letter.
LETTERS written in a shaky hand are notorious for their ability to be misdirected. Therefore, since he had not chanced to see a copy of the Times before he rode out, Max was fated to remain unaware of all of London's happenings, even those regarding himself.
He became so deeply entrenched in the estate, the home he had not visited in seven years, that an extra week went by before Max realized he had stayed longer than he predicted to Gail.
That's not to say he never thought of his lovely, fire-eyed Gail. Quite the contrary. He found his mind flitting to her randomly. He sensed her presence while sorting through papers in the library with his father's secretary, Mr. Merriot; while riding Jupiter hard over the land; and especially at night, when his mind freely wandered to the loneliness of his large bed and how well she should fill it.
When his father was put into the ground, only Mr. Merriot, the vicar, and a few local gentry were there. Baron Rentworth was among the attendees, of course, but he had been too distraught to do much more than blubber. As he watched the first clump of dirt hit the coffin, Max had the strangest notion that Gail was standing right by his side. It was the most peculiar sensation, a wisp of wind, of warmth. He turned, but saw no one.
He almost left for London that day. He needed to see her. To hear her voice tell him he was a complete nob and that she loved him for it. But he couldn't—not yet. It tore at him, but Max had the unconquerable feeling there was still something left undone at Longsbowe Park.
And so it was that he found himself in his father's study, his study now, going through old correspondence with Mr. Merriot.
"Your father never threw so much as a scrap of paper away," Mr. Merriot said, as he set down two more bundles of papers on the desk with accompanying thuds. Mr. Merriot was a portly, hearty gentleman, at least ten years Max's father's senior. It amazed him that the old gentleman was so robust, that his memory was wholly intact. A little too intact, actually. The man could tell stories for hours about great aunts Max had never met, and he never missed an opportunity to do so.
"I remember a time that Timmons—you remember Timmons, don't you, my Lord? He was underbutler when you were a lad—Timmons was about to use a bit of paper that had a list of old dinner menus written on it as tender for the fire. Suddenly, your father pounced on him—never thought the Earl could move that quick in my life! He grabbed that paper out of Timmons's hand and cried, 'Don't throw that away! How will I know what I ate last week?'" Mr. Merriot finished with a great guffaw, happy in his memories, but Max wasn't listening. He had happened on a letter that perplexed him greatly—a letter addressed to Maximillian Fontaine.
"Mr. Merriot, would you be so good as to tell me what this is? It is addressed to me but is dated whilst I was in the cradle." Max handed over the letter to Mr. Merriot, who looked over the tops of his spectacles at the missive.
"Not you, my Lord; your uncle. This was written to your Uncle Maxim from your father." Mr. Merriot flipped the envelope over. "Was returned undelivered."
"I have an Uncle Maxim?" Max asked, bewildered, taking the letter back from the secretary.
"Had. He died, oh, you couldn't have been more than three or four at the time."
Max's heart thudded in his ears. "How is it I've never heard of him?"
Mr. Merriot's face turned grim. "When he died, your father...he told us not to speak of his brother. Even took his portrait down in the gallery."
Max's mind flitted to the long gallery above stairs, which held portraits of the Fontaines at Longsbowe for generations. There was a space, he recalled, near his father's portrait. It was large enough for a medium-sized picture, and in Max's memory, nothing had ever filled the vacancy.
"What happened to my uncle?" Max asked quietly.
Mr. Merriot frowned, obviously debating his words. He let out a great sigh and removed his spectacles, rubbing his eyes. "It's not a particularly happy story—nor is it particularly sad. Time has passed enough to make it only what it is. The same thing happened to your uncle that happened to too many Englishmen. He was a good ten years younger than your father, but they were the best of friends. You were named for him, my Lord.
"Being a second son, Mr. Fontaine had to make his way in the world. Your father would have preferred he put his education to use at the law or stay near home as a vicar or cleric. But your uncle had a taste for the world. He chose the Royal Navy. He died battling the French at Trafalgar."
Max took this in. "But why would his name and portrait be banished? He was a hero."
Mr. Merriot put down his glasses and folded his hands over his ample belly, regarding Max with a serious eye.
"Your father...was a good employer, and a man I respected. But he did have his faults." Max managed to keep his face blank as Mr. Merriot continued. "He was very...disappointed by your uncle's choice of careers. I think he felt as if he were being abandoned. He never cared much for life beyond England's borders, but after your uncle left, he outright despised it. When we received word Mr. Fontaine had died, the old Earl began to fold in on himself."
"He hated my uncle because he left him. Enough to wipe his memory away," Max stated dully.
"No," Mr. Merriot replied simply. "I think he removed the portrait...because he didn't want to be reminded. It hurt, you see."
Max chewed on this as Mr. Merriot continued.
"It worried us for a time. But you were there, and your father delighted in you when you were small. Your mother tried to be consoling, but she rarely left London..." Mr. Merriot trailed off.
Max sat there silent for a time. Mr. Merriot, his story told (in a rather expedient amount of time for that blustery gentleman), resumed shuffling papers and eyeing Max in turns.
"I was named for him," Max spoke in almost a whisper. "And then I started to act like him..." Lost in his own thoughts, Max didn't notice when Mr. Merriot stood, replacing his spectacles on the end of his nose. Awkwardly he patted Max on the shoulder and left the room. The door closed with a soft click.
He could see it now. He could see the reasons, the whys and wherefores his father had leashed Max so tightly as a child. Why he had turned white—with fear, not rage—when he had attempted to sneak off and stowaway on a ship as a lad. That fear of losing someone, or being left alone, drove his father to some terrible actions. Max hated it—but at least now he understood it.
He turned the letter over in his hand. It was so very odd to see his name there, knowing it belonged to another man. How easy it was to slip his finger under the wax seal, cracked and weakened with time.
He had been the recipient of hundreds of missives from his father, but never before had he been so curious to see what he would say. "My Dear Brother, I hope this letter finds you well and in a timely fashion. Remember, the post outside our borders is not to be trusted, but you should be courteous to whomever carries your letters...Young Max is nearly two now, and a right scamp at that...the letter went on in that vein, and Max grinned ruefully. There was the same lecturing here that was in the letters he received over the course of his life, but this one he could see was tempered with affection and a little loneliness.
Did his own missives from his father carry those same feelings, and he just hadn't seen them?
Curious, Max sifted through the pile in which he had found his uncle's letter. There, mixed in amongst notes to his solicitor, lists of tenants, and old copies of the Times, Max found three more letters—all of which were returned undelivered. Looking at the dates, Max could easily ascertain why: They were written before his father was notified of the death at sea.
Suddenly unwilling to sit amongst all the paper and ledgers in the overstuffed study, Max abruptly stood and headed to his bedchamber, taking the letters with him. Once there, he locked the door. In the wardrobe, he located his valise, fished inside its depths, finally locating what he was looking for.
Over the course of his life, from Eton to Oxford to London, the packet of letters had grown to the size and weight of a brick. They had come weekly, always on time, never delayed. Even when he had hated the old man, Max had kept his letters, a habit he attributed it to his own inherited collective tendencies. He hadn't known why he had thrown the letters in the valise with his shirts and boots. Just a notion, a dim thought that maybe he would want them here.
He sat down in a large armchair by the window. The day was quickly turning to dusk, and in the early summer air, the hills of Sussex seemed to glow with warmth, with magic. Max held the letters to his uncle in one hand, the letters to himself in the other. He began to read.
A full day and night passed before he put down the last letter his father wrote him, the one prescribing marriage. That missive almost made him chuckle now.
Max stood, stretching his long body. There was a tray of food on a small table by the door, cold now, but Max didn't care. He was suddenly ravenous. He had read every letter, reviewed every emotion he had felt when he first received them—but now, he could view it with the aid of passed time. His loneliness when first at school, and how he used to pour over the letters, eager for news of anything familiar. The weariness that grew on him as adolescence fought the mold his father had tried to force him into. Every pull, every tear, every moment of rage was remembered. However, this time, he could not picture his father as a horned devil cackling as he wrote his missives. He pictured him much closer to how he had been. Growing old with loneliness, and growing lonely with age.
Such emotional journeys require sustenance, he rationalized, as he thoroughly decimated the cold chicken. After he was good and stuffed, Max rang for his valet.
"Have Jupiter saddled, Harris."
"Yes, sir," replied that good man. Then, tentatively, "Are you well, sir? The past day..."
"Has been illuminating," Max finished for him. As he pulled on his boots, he added, "And yes, Harris, to answer your query. I am well." He sighed and leaned back, feeling lighter than he had in quite a while. Harris bowed and turned to leave, but Max called him back.
"I have one other task for you."
IT only took Harris an hour to locate the portrait of Max's uncle in the attic. He was a Fontaine, Max said when he charged Harris with the task, and deserves to hang in the hall with the others. While Harris rummaged in the dusty garret, Max took Jupiter across the grounds, running as fast and meandering as aimlessly as the horse wished to.
The weight in his chest, the one that had settled in so deep for the past seven years, was gone. He felt the sunshine on his shoulders and finally felt peace.
When Jupiter's wanderings took them to the edge of the sea, Max pulled him to a stop. He looked out over the blue waters of the channel, the wind whipping through his hair with the briny smell of the sea whispering of adventure.
He had been a shuttered, angry young man for so long. Tethered, idle in his hiding. He had so often longed to flee across these waters. But now, standing by the edge of the sea, the title of Earl of Longsbowe resting firmly on his shoulders, he no longer wished to escape his life. He simply wished to start it.
BACK at the manor house, Max took a few moments to admire his uncle's portrait, sitting in its rightful place next to his father's. Then, he turned north to London.
## Twenty-eight
IN Max's experience, even the most jaded of London Society did not offer up "congratulations" upon the death of one's parent.
So it was highly perplexing when upon alighting from his carriage in front of Longsbowe House (later than expected, as he had headed toward Weymouth Street before Harris reminded him he no longer lived there), no less than three sets of people passing by offered up their congratulations and best wishes for his future.
Unable to comprehend all the well wishing he received while wearing a black armband of mourning, Max simply shrugged it off as an oddity, as he had far more important things to do. Such as, after a change of clothes, repairing directly to the Altons at Number Seven.
He had told Gail he would sort everything out, and that entailed speaking with her father. Truthfully, he was not looking forward to the conversation. Remembering all too well his first interview with Sir Geoffrey when he applied for Evangeline's hand, he could easily imagine what the gentleman would think of his transference of affections. But it was best done as soon as possible, and Max was eager to see Gail again. Just one smile, he thought. One smile, and he'd walk into Sir Geoffrey's library with no hesitation. Hell, he'd walk through fire.
These pleasant thoughts in his mind, Max almost knocked over Mrs. Pickering, who emerged from the door of Number Seven just as Max climbed the front steps, her twin daughters in tow.
Really, Max thought, those girls would never do well for themselves until they began to dress differently.
"Mrs. Pickering"—Max tipped his hat after he steadied himself—"good morning."
As the twins made identical curtsies, Mrs. Pickering cried, "Lord Longsbowe!" in a high-pitched voice that may very well have indicated delight. "Returned to town, how wonderful! The Alton ladies have been quite desolate without you. One Alton lady in particular," she finished with a roguish wink. Not many shrill women could pull off a roguish wink, but Mrs. Pickering managed superbly.
Max covered his perplexity with a polite smile. What did she mean by that? Unless, Mrs. Pickering was far more acute than she seemed, and Gail...
"Yes," the twin he thought was Lilly piped up, interrupting Max's thoughts. "We were all so thrilled when we learned of your engagement." After a pointed look from her sister, indicating his black armband, she added, "Er, and so sad when we heard of your loss."
Max frowned in confusion. What on earth were they talking of? He hadn't yet asked Gail to marry him, of that he was certain. He had it all planned, too. He would take Gail down to the lake where they first met, unceremoniously throw her in, and then, while she sputtered and raved, he would sink to one knee in the muck and beg for her hand. It would be...
A cold chill settled over Max's entire body, as the polite smile he kept pasted on his face began to crack. And then, he knew.
Engagement. The prescribed month of acquainting time had long since come and gone. It must have been announced. If the Pickerings knew, everyone did. He was officially engaged.
To Evangeline.
When at last, Max was admitted to the drawing room, Romilla greeted him with cries of rapture, Evangeline with a demure nod, and Gail with silence and a stony stare out the front window.
She most certainly was not smiling.
HE exited Number Seven an hour later, desperate to hit something. He had sat there, between Romilla and Evangeline, unable to do more than seethe, while Gail...Gail did nothing.
He placed the blame for this disaster exactly where he knew it should go: Romilla. Why was the announcement not discussed? Why had he not been at least informed? He managed to glean from some pointed conversation that the announcement had been placed in the Times a fortnight ago! How could he have been unaware that whole time?
You did this, his mind raged as he watched Romilla command the whole room like the conductor of an orchestra. You brought this to pass. Even though some bothersome little corner of his brain played devil's advocate, pointing out his own involvement in the affair, the rest of him was ready and willing to indict Romilla Alton on the unpardonable charge of unwanted interference. In fact, the only thing that kept him silent in his seat while Romilla and Evangeline chattered over him about lace or some such stupid thing, was the half dozen or so ladies that came to pay calls—all of whom were eager to offer their congratulations.
And all the while, Gail did nothing. She sat at the window seat, staring out onto the street, paying only enough attention to the conversation to give short, distracted answers when asked a question.
It was as if she had transformed back into that wallflower that had too little confidence in herself.
When Gail rose and left the drawing room, giving the excuse of a previous appointment, Max's hangdog gaze followed her out the door.
Romilla's gaze, on the other hand, followed Max's, with an expression decidedly more disapproving.
ONCE outside, Max tried to decide between running all over town looking for Gail or repairing to Jackson's Saloon to vent his spleen when someone familiar handed him Jupiter's reins.
"Jimmy!" Max cried, happy to find an ally. Although to be quite honest, Jimmy's expression did not read "ally" so much as it did "hostile."
"Sir," he said through tight lips, before turning away and heading back to the stables, causing Max to give chase.
"Jimmy! Wait. You must help me, I need to see Miss Gail alone. Er, again."
The young man turned, his eyes hard.
"Sorry, sir, I doubt the lady would want that."
"Jimmy, please," Max begged, adding impetuously, "I'll pay you. Fifty pounds if you bring her to me."
Jimmy, not even taking a moment to consider such a large sum of money, simply turned his head and spat on the ground.
Max took the gesture as it was intended.
"My apologies. That was insulting." He ran a frustrated hand through his dark hair. "Something became mixed up and turned around while I was away, I realize that. But please, help me see Gail. I only want to fix this."
"And how would you be fixin' it, sir? By makin' love to one girl and marryin' her sister?"
Max sighed deeply, but before he could explain the situation, Jimmy continued. "I shouldn'a helped ye before. I may only be a stable hand, but you, sir, are no—"
"I suggest you think carefully before finishing that sentence," Max said darkly, giving his best imperious glare. Apparently, the imperious glare of an Earl is far more effective that that of a Viscount, because Jimmy did indeed think twice about insulting him. The silence gave Max the time necessary to press his case.
"Please. I love her," was all he had to say.
Jimmy, ever the romantic, could not be unaffected, and considered Max thoughtfully for a moment. "You'll not hurt her? Not try nothin'?"
"Never," Max replied immediately. "You'll stay within sight at all times."
"Damn right I'll stay within sight at all times," Jimmy replied, "with a hunting rifle to boot." He rubbed his chin, considering. "All right, I'll help ye meet her. When an' where?"
Max felt such relief fill his chest, it was all he could do to keep from embracing the groom. "Thank you. More than words can say."
"Don't thank me," Jimmy snorted. "Half the reason I'm doin' this is so I can watch her order you to hell with me own eyes."
IT may not have looked like hell in the beautiful grotto, but Max certainly felt to be assigned to some form of perdition. Waiting was torture. He had ridden immediately to this place once deciding on it with Jimmy—a place that brought forth powerful memories for him, and he hoped for Gail as well.
He had found it instinctively this time, Jupiter's hooves following an invisible path to the hidden copse. The warming weather of summer had made the grotto lushly verdant, the sun dappled through the trees on this perfect afternoon, but none of this natural beauty could calm Max's racing thoughts.
What on earth was he to do? How did he fix this? What if Gail refused to see him? What if she came, but refused to see him ever after? Hours had passed in this way, Max pacing the ground, sitting in the gazebo, standing up again, pacing some more, his mind torturing him with "what-ifs." Jupiter munched on grass, obliviously content in the knowledge that he was a horse, and therefore not given to getting himself stuck in untenable situations. Or, at least that's how it seemed to Max.
Such was how Gail found him—pacing, sitting abruptly, standing, and shooting dark looks at his horse. She took a moment to watch him, too sad to smile at his antics. Then she emerged from the trees, Jimmy and his hunting rifle not ten feet behind.
Max immediately stilled, watching her alight from QueenBee, who immediately joined Jupiter. She walked with measured paces, keeping herself from running either to or from him. He showed great restraint in meeting her halfway.
"Gail," he breathed, moving to embrace her, but she stiffly backed away. She did not meet his eye as she gave a formal curtsy, replying, "Lord Longsbowe."
So this is how it was to be, Max thought, breaking a little with the need to touch her, and yet not being permitted. She was too lovely to look at, in a new crimson riding habit.
"What happened to your other habit? The, er, green one?" he blurted out.
"I burned it," she replied, ice in her words.
Of the many small cues Max had received regarding Gail's state of mind, this spoke the loudest.
"You're angry."
"You're engaged. My congratulations. I can think of no better Countess than my sister."
"Oh yes there is, there is her sister," Max retorted, only to see Gail's eyes narrow.
"Please, do not try to placate me with hollow promises. I have no sympathies left for you to prey on."
"Gail, darling." He reached for her again, this time she made a decided step back, maintaining the distance between them at all times. He slowed his step and his breathing. "I didn't know it was going to be announced, I swear. True, a month was prescribed, but no certain date attached. I would never have left London. I would have stopped it."
Gail looked at him like he was crazy. She felt the sudden urge to laugh. "You would have stopped it?" she sneered, disbelief dripping from her words. "Your Lordship, please don't plead ignorance, for I am not. You announced it."
"What?" he asked, startled. "How?"
"You sent notice to the papers. I realize that was a very eventful day for you, what with your father dying and deflowering me, but surely you can recall sending notice earlier of your impending nuptials."
"I did no such thing!" he stated vehemently.
"It was in the papers that morning!" she replied hotly. "That morning, after we..." A choke had crept into her voice, robbing her of the emotional detachment she employed like a shield. He watch as she swallowed her anger and summoned a wry tone of voice—but she could not stop her eyes from shining with tears. "I woke up, and there were all these people in our drawing room, congratulating Evangeline on snaring you. And I thought, this is a mistake, they've got the wrong girl. But then I saw Mr. Holt and the paper itself, and I...I knew myself for a fool. I've been silly and stupid and wrong before, but never have I been so damned ashamed of myself."
"Gail, I never thought..." But Max was lost in his pain for his Gail, for what she had been through. What he had abandoned her to.
"I was so convenient, wasn't I? Creeping into your room—silly me! Thinking I might be wanted. But who would want me?"
She raged blindly, anger spewing forth, cutting at him as surely as a rapier would.
"I want you. You know that," he tried gently, and in an added attempt at humor, "and I assure you, you are the least convenient creature in the world."
She simply stared off sadly. Coldly.
"When I never received an answer to my letter..." She shook her head at her own foolishness. "I half expected you to rush to London once you received it, but at the very least I thought you'd send a reply."
A lone tear trailed down her cheek, she kept her profile to him. He didn't reach for her.
"I never received a letter," he said quietly. Another tear rolled, but she simply shrugged.
"Does it really matter now?"
"Yes, it matters," Max replied, emphatic. "If I had, I should have seen your name and flown back here. The whole time I was away, you were not far from me. Every damn day I thought of you. Every damn hour."
For a moment it seemed she might believe him. Then she looked up at him, all the tears she had for herself gone from her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was bare.
"Where do I stand with you, Max? Where the hell do I stand with you? One moment I'm the love of your life, and you mine, and everything will work itself blissfully out, but that's not what happened, is it? All that occurred was we stayed on the same course set out by circumstance months before, with you marrying Evangeline, no matter your feelings for me, or hers for you, or what you and I have known together."
He crowded her then, closing the space between them. "Do you think me so low that I should make love to you if I had the slightest intention of marrying her? It has been a long time since I knew that she and I would not suit." He refused to allow her to run away, framing her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his eyes. "And a long time since I knew that we would."
He kissed her then, fiercely, possessively, crushing her body to his. Only the knowledge that Jimmy was likely aiming his rifle at that moment kept Max from holding on to her forever.
Shakily, he let go, removed himself to arm's distance. A good thing, too, because if Jimmy had covered the last two yards, that younger, smaller man would have been at Max's throat. As it was, Gail, her face flushed and tear-streaked, dazedly waved Jimmy back. He returned to his post by the horses, but kept a sharp eye on Max.
Silence reigned for a time, thoughts reeling, eyes searching, breaths racing.
Finally, Gail spoke raggedly. "I...I do not think you so low as to...what you said." A faint smile played across Max's lips, knowing how difficult it was to disconcert Gail's speech, but she cleared her throat and continued. "Oh! But I don't know what to think! And even so, what is there that can be done now? You are as good as married to Evangeline. The rules—"
"Hang the rules!" he said so vehemently, even the birds in the trees were shocked into silence. "I have spent a fortnight remembering my life, and I realized something. I have spent the time following the rules of someone else. My father, Society...Gail." He came to her again, but only held her firmly by the arms, pleading. "Don't you find bowing to the dictates of the Ton abominably stupid? To hold our breaths for fear of what? We want to be together, but what keeps us apart? Not such conquerable barriers as language, distance, or time, no—it's gossip! I've been pushed around all my life. I shan't let it happen now." He cupped her chin, again bringing her eyes to his face. "You want to know where you stand with me? Gail, please, just stand with me! Come away. We'll fly to Gretna Green and be married, and no one will tell us how to act or who to be ever again."
It was so tempting. But..."You forget one thing, my Lord." She removed herself from his grasp and turned away, wrapping her arms around herself protectively. "'Twas you yourself that knotted the string to Evangeline. And now you would leave her flapping in the breeze? My sister, my family, would never recover from that. They live by the rules of society you are so eager to disdain."
Her stiff back to him, she looked to be made of solid rock—unmoving, and simply accepting of what happened around her.
"How can you be so accepting of this?" he asked, anger bunching his shoulders and pounding at his temples.
"I have had the last two weeks to become accustomed to the situation, my lord."
Max shook his head. "Two weeks, two years, two decades, I should still not accept it. I can't believe you'd give up so easily."
"I never had you to give up," she said dully.
He spoke softly now, so softly that Gail turned her head to catch his words, and in doing so, found his lips at her ear.
"You conceded your own happiness. You gave up on yourself. I will not."
Before she could speak, before she could open her eyes, he was gone.
## Twenty-nine
Count Roffstaam,
I am delighted to accept your invitation to visit Barivia. You have told me so much of its pastoral beauty that I simply will not rest until I have seen the whole. I shall arrange for passage as soon as...
A muted sound from the other side of her door interrupted Gail's thoughts, and she lifted her quill. After returning from the park, she had immediately fished the count's invitation out of her cluttered escritoire, and began composing a reply. She could not stay here. The entire situation was horribly botched, and she knew her only recourse was to escape. She refused to be the cause of her sister's downfall. Besides, every time Gail laid eyes upon Max, a clamp closed down in her chest, and she found she could not breathe. Surely, it was unhealthy to stay.
He said he did not put the notice in the papers. She wanted to believe him. God, did she want to believe him. But to put faith in his words would mean to give herself hope, and she would not be able to bear it if it were ripped away again.
There it was again, that muffled noise. Curious, Gail rose from her desk. Yes, it must be coming from Evangeline's room across the hall. It sounded like...someone crying?
Softly, she knocked on her sister's door, but the only reply was a small gasp and the immediate ceasing of the sobs. Gail delicately turned the knob.
"Evie?" she said gently. "Are you well?"
Evangeline sat on her bed, the skirts of her afternoon dress pooled about her. She was clutching a piece of paper in one hand to her breast and a handkerchief with the other, trying to hid her sniffles, a picture of delicate, if splotchy, feminine distress.
"Oh, I...I'm fine, Gail." She dabbed at the corners of her eyes.
Gail marched over to her sister's side. "Liar. Evie, you are normally very beautiful, but it's a sad fact that such a pale complexion makes it rather simple for one to tell when you've been crying. And profusely."
Evangeline gave a watery sniffle. Gail sat beside her, comfortingly putting an arm around her shoulders. This had the adverse effect of what was intended, causing more tears to fall.
"He—he's leaving me! I thought I could do this, and...and he's leaving!" Such statements were made between wrenching sobs. Gail stiffened as her heart began thumping a mile a minute. Evangeline, disregarding her own handkerchief, wiped her nose on her sister's skirts.
"Wh—who's leaving you—what did you think to do?" Gail inquired.
"Oh Gail! My life is over! I've been such a fool!" Evangeline replied, dashing tears away from her eyes, as Gail pulled away, her own gaze locked on that piece of paper at Evie's breast.
Oh God, Gail's mind raced. He must have told her.
"Evie, I'm so sorry!" Gail hurriedly stood, unable to stop the confession she had held in so long from flowing. "I...I...we didn't intend for it to happen. I know I certainly didn't, but Max, he made me laugh, and then he kissed me, and I saw one crow, and he saw one crow, and that makes two, and it was joy, but then he went away, and I've been so afraid of hurting you, but he said he loves me, and I said he's engaged to you now and...I never wanted to hurt you at all." Gail stopped babbling lamely, petering out of words.
Evangeline blinked large, owlish eyes at her sister, shocked into silence.
"Please," Gail said meekly, "please say something. I'll...I'll go away if you want me to, I'll cut off my arm, well, maybe a finger, if you require it of me, just say something. Please."
Evangeline held up a hand.
"Let us be clear," Evangeline said in measured breaths. "You...love Lord Longsbowe?"
"Yes," Gail replied in a small voice.
"And he...loves you?"
"He says so," she whispered, barely audible.
Then, after the space of a heartbeat, Evangeline burst out laughing.
It was Gail's turn to blink owlishly, watching as her sister dissolved into giggles.
"Wha—what?" she sputtered.
"God above be praised!" Evangeline laughed, assuming a dramatic posture to thank her Lord and Master. "My sister loves Lord Longsbowe, so I don't have to!"
"Evangeline!" Gail sat down on the bed, her legs no longer willing to support her. "You—you, didn't know?"
"No, I didn't! And you have no idea how happy you've made me!" her sister replied cheerfully.
"But...but, you've been so pleased since the announcement. I thought you were looking forward to becoming a bride."
"Well," Evangeline sobered for a moment, "I was, in a way. All the congratulations, all the parties and well wishing—'tis very exciting. But in my heart, my resolve toward entering a loveless marriage deteriorated by the day."
She giggled, relief flowing from her in invisible waves. It seemed that Gail had not been the only one burdened by secret feelings.
"But don't you see? We can fix this now!" Evie continued. "Lord Longsbowe can't mind my crying off if he'd rather marry you—and I would much rather...oh, Gail! Does he make you happy?"
"He makes me crazy. And happy. And it's just so easy being with him."
"Yes, that's exactly what it's like." Evie's voice shook with hope as Gail pulled her sister forward into a fierce hug.
"But I don't understand! What made you cry so?" Gail said, releasing Evangeline from the rib-crushing embrace. "Who wrote that note, if not Max?" Gail's eyes lit up. "Is it from—"
"Don't worry about that now," Evie interrupted, quickly folding the paper into her pocket before Gail could voice her suspicions. "You must tell me all about you and Lord Longsbowe. How did you come to love him? You two fought constantly!"
Too long had each been without the other's confidence, that now their stories came tumbling out—the fears, the feelings, the happenings—and when Gail arrived at one specific occurrence in her narrative, Evangeline's mouth dropped open in complete shock.
"You didn't!"
"We did," Gail replied, sheepishly blushing.
Gail courteously gave her sister a few moments to collect her jaw from the floor.
Once the shock receded, Evangeline smiled softly at Gail. "So, my cynical sister," she said, "you have fallen head over heels in love."
"Er...in a way," Gail replied. "It was slower than that, and yet there are times when my mind reels at how quickly all this took place. I've known him less than two months, and I've known him forever."
"Yes." Evangeline's smile became for herself alone. "I could not agree more."
Before Gail could inquire about that intriguing remark and enigmatic smile, Evangeline stood with sudden determination and marched to her dressing table.
"Now," she said as she began to brush errant locks of hair back into place, "let's get ourselves unstuck from this quagmire, shall we?"
"Society will skin you alive if the engagement is broken."
"Gail," Evangeline said as she turned from the mirror, "we are actively pursuing our own happiness for once. Yours, and mine, and...everyone's. We will talk to Father now. We are Alton women. Strong, intelligent—I for one refuse to consign myself to discontent without a fight."
Evangeline stood, regal grandeur emanating from every inch of her petite frame, her hand discreetly fingering the folded note in her pocket. "And Society—"
"Can go jump in a lake?" Gail supplied, archly.
Evie smiled at her sister, who for the first time in a fortnight, could return it freely.
"Precisely."
"ABSOLUTELY not," Sir Geoffrey said, and returned his eyes to the paper in his hand.
They had found him in the library, the only place he was to be found in the house these days. Parliament and the clubs owned so much of his time, and there were always so many women visiting and flapping about Number Seven, that Sir Geoffrey retired to his library for solitude.
He was invariably interrupted.
First, his wife had entered, without knocking, asking to share the paper with him. As long as she read quietly and did not attempt to engage a tired man in conversation, Sir Geoffrey didn't mind. But since she had joined him, perusing the society pages from her seat on the couch, Romilla had tried three times to ask his opinion on some silly matter. He was about to kick his beloved wife out of his masculine sanctuary when his daughters entered.
At least they had had the good sense to knock.
Evangeline, his eldest child, entered first, trailed by her sister. Both had looked serious and determined as Evangeline stated quite calmly that she no longer wished to marry the Earl of Longsbowe and would like to call off the engagement.
Once Sir Geoffrey had given his answer, he hoped it would be the end of the conversation. Unfortunately, the children did not share his hopes.
"Father, I do not believe you heard me correctly. I do not wish to marry Lord Longsbowe, nor shall I do so."
"And I don't believe you heard me, child." Sir Geoffrey sighed as he looked over the top of his paper. "I refused to allow you to cry off."
Evangeline fluttered wordlessly for a moment. She turned to Gail, who silently urged her sister on.
"N-no!" was the word Evangeline finally squeaked out.
Sir Geoffrey, seeing he was to remain in the company of his family for some time, calmly laid his paper aside. His wife owlishly watched the whole exchange from the settee.
"What is it, child? Is it nerves? That's understandable, but not cause to call the whole thing off. The engagement will be a long one, what with Longsbowe still in mourning. Plenty of time to become accustomed to the idea. Now, if you like, you can take your sister to the shops and purchase some new pigments and canvas. Won't that be nice?"
"Father, I will not become accustomed to the idea! I have come to the conclusion we will not suit—time will not change that!" Evangeline's petite frame squared, she looked up at him with such self-righteous defiance, it only served to deepen his scowl.
"You suited each other well enough all those weeks ago in the conservatory. If you wanted to remove yourself from the situation then, we would have weathered it, but now, the scandal of throwing over Longsbowe would be ten times worse than before! I will not countenance it, neither will your mother." He stood as he growled, his eyes never leaving his daughter's face.
"Geoffrey," Romilla spoke in a small voice from the couch, unheeded by her husband. The staring contest looked to be in Sir Geoffrey's favor, cowing his daughter, but at the last moment, Evangeline found a final ounce of resolution.
"I do not love him," she said with quiet strength.
Silence enveloped the library. They could have heard a feather fall, Sir Geoffrey was so shocked. He expected some silly sentimentality, but this! He had to laugh. His mirth began as a chuckle, soon becoming full-blown belly-clutching guffaws. Gail came and held her sister's hand, all the ladies cringing.
"You don't love him? Good Lord, child, did you expect to?" he said between laughs.
Evangeline's sweet nature could not face down Sir Geoffrey any longer. She turned helpless eyes to her sister. Gail, whose temperament was much closer to his, stepped with flashing eyes into the fray.
"You are too cruel to force her. What if...what if their affections are engaged elsewhere? Does Evangeline not deserve to be loved by her husband? Does he not deserve the same in return?" She stood eye to eye with him, her own height much the same as his. He saw such strength there—it was an admirable thing. But not when defying what was best for all.
"Affections and feelings no longer bear weight! Don't you see—it's not a matter of what they deserve. It is a matter of what is at hand! Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. And it's a chance they took when they agreed to become engaged to stave off a scandal nearly two months ago!" He turned nearly purple, his anger spewing forth.
It had been so much simpler when they were little girls. He'd adored having his daughters with him abroad. Evangeline and Gail had been angels, doing as he asked and not questioning. Now, they were home, and all there seemed to be were questions.
"Do you think any of us will be happy in this end?" Gail asked bitterly. Evangeline was silently sobbing behind her sister, who stared defiantly at her father. Sir Geoffrey sighed deeply, sagging against his desk. He hated yelling at his daughters. It cut him deeper than knives ever could.
"Of course I want Evangeline's happiness," he said calmly. "And, eventually, she will be happy, married to Longsbowe. This has moved too far forward to back out now." He eyed his younger, fiercer daughter. "That is how it must be. My entire career is based on public appearance. Don't you know how lucky we have been in London, Gail, especially after that botched affair in Lisbon? I am in the inner circle of the prime minister! If a taint besmirched our name now, in my new position, I would never be able to walk into Parliament again. Your mother should never be able to move about in society. Such an action is decidedly ungrateful."
"My dear," Romilla tried again from the couch, but one look from him kept her silent.
At the mention of Lisbon, a little of Gail's fire left her, and she shrunk back a bit. Her face fell slightly, but as her stubborn chin came up and her mouth opened, it was Evangeline who came back to face him, a zealous protectiveness filling her with strength.
"If I recall, Father," she said with the icy imperiousness only petite blondes can summon, "I will reach my majority in a matter of weeks. When I am twenty-one, I will no longer have to bow to your whims. You may be prepared for a long engagement, but I assure you, once I celebrate my birthday, it will be surprisingly short."
And with that last statement, Evangeline took her shocked sister's hand, and exited the library as quickly as her feet could carry her.
UPSTAIRS, Evangeline broke down in sobs in Gail's arms.
INSIDE the library, the battle was far from over.
Romilla, crossed to the desk, where her husband had resumed reading the paper.
"What on earth just happened?" she asked, her tone implying she knew exactly what had occurred.
"My dear," Sir Geoffrey sighed. "I'm tired. I'm irritated—more so now. So if possible, could we have this little discussion at another time?"
"I just witnessed a display unlike any I thought I'd ever see from you. You mocked Evangeline's feelings by trying to buy her off with paints. You made Gail ashamed by mentioning Lisbon—which you know good and well was provoked! I speak Portuguese, too, I know exactly what was said, even if you have conveniently forgotten how the girls were insulted! What made you think that yelling bloody murder and intimidating your children was the best way to handle Evangeline's request?"
Romilla put her hands on her hips, her eyes boring through the paper until Sir Geoffrey had no choice but to put it down and deal with the third disgruntled female in his family.
"She's just nervous. She needed to know the engagement still stands."
"She's not nervous. I've never seen her more resolved in my life. Did you listen to her at all? She's unhappy. The situation, to her, is untenable. I, for one, would like to know why."
"Well, it's lucky then you haven't seen her all your life." Sir Geoffrey felt the ire rising again. "She'll follow along and do as she's told. Evie's always been a good girl."
"She's not a girl anymore, Geoffrey!" Romilla's volume matched her husband's. "She's a young woman, with a mind of her own, and feelings on top of it. Which you just told her don't matter! Evangeline is a young lady who knows her own self and, in my experience, is not in the practice of making idle threats."
Sir Geoffrey stilled for a moment, letting the meaning behind his wife's words sink in.
"My God...do you really think she would? Cry off when she turns twenty-one?" Sir Geoffrey rubbed his chin as Romilla shrugged in reply.
"She does not leave this house." Sir Geoffrey pointed a shaking finger to the doors.
"What?" Romilla's head snapped up.
"Evangeline. Keep her under lock and key. She does not leave this house, she does not leave her room until she can be brought to her senses!"
"My dear, no, I meant we should talk to her...get to the bottom of her thinking!" But her protests fell on deaf ears. Sir Geoffrey had already stormed into the hall, calling for Mrs. Bibb.
Romilla could only stare blankly at the utter stranger who had replaced the loving family man she had married.
## Thirty
IT was decided that the Alton household would spend the evening in.
Notes were sent to the hostesses of all the parties they had planned on attending that evening, remarking that Romilla and the girls were so worn out from the social rounds of the past few weeks that they were taking a well-deserved respite. The hostesses were understanding and happily placated by the promise of invitations to the next Alton household event.
Evangeline and Gail had each retired to their rooms, Evangeline too deeply entrenched in her tears to think clearly, and Gail resolved to think long and hard about the situation. But she soon grew restless and found herself wandering the halls until, at last, she came to the conservatory.
Summer bloomed all year long in the indoor garden, and as the sun faded into darkness, the atmosphere must have been very much like the night Max stole the infamous kiss from Evangeline. The scene of the crime, Gail thought bemusedly, as she walked to the fountain, the sound of water flowing over the carved sprites soothing her mind. All of this madness because of one silly kiss. As she seated herself on the stone bench, her foot tapping idly on the head of a stone frog, Gail thought what would have happened if it had been she instead of Evangeline. Would she have let Max kiss her then? Would she have been engaged now? Would she have been happy?
It didn't matter what would or could have happened, Gail thought, shaking off those disturbing questions. What mattered now was what was to be done—and when the answer finally came to Gail, it was the clearest, simplest, truest thing in the world. In this whole mess it was the only thing that felt right.
Gail quietly slipped back upstairs, intent to visit with Evangeline and tell her what she planned—but was deterred when she saw Evangeline's door was still closed. Best to allow her some privacy, she supposed.
Dinner was served in each person's bedchamber, and all too soon, the sun dipped below the horizon. As Gail ate, she made her arrangements, finished her letter to Count Roffstaam, and afterward, crept downstairs to place it in the pile of correspondence by the door. When she saw the footman take the letters to be delivered, she again crept up the stairs, but this time, was confronted with the sight of Romilla by Evangeline's closed door.
Romilla paused, obviously wanting to say something, but unable to find the words. Gail took a breath and took the opportunity to ask something that had been plaguing her for far too long.
"Was it you?"
Romilla blinked at her. "Was what me?"
"Was it you who placed the announcement in the papers?"
"Gail, I told you, Lord Longsbowe—"
"Had nothing to do with it," Gail finished for her. "So I ask again, Romilla. Was it you?"
Romilla brought her head up and met Gail's cool assessing stare with one of her own.
"Yes," she affirmed, completely without shame or boastfulness. "Things were about to be ruined, so I had your father call in a favor."
The faint sound of muffled sobs emanated from Evangeline's room. Gail gave a small, cynical smile. "And you don't believe things to be ruined now?"
A frown crossed Romilla's brow, as she silently digested Gail's words.
Gail was about to turn into her own room, when Romilla found her voice. "Where were you?"
Gail turned back, looking at her stepmother quizzically.
"The night of the Holts's ball," Romilla clarified. "Your father said you took the carriage...why would you leave so early?"
Gail felt her cheeks go hot, and Romilla in turn went pale, and held up a hand. "Never mind. I don't think I want the answer to that question."
They stood awkwardly for some moments longer, staring at each other, until finally, Gail simply said, "Goodnight, Ma'am," and went into her own bedchamber. She didn't see Romilla poke her head into Evangeline's room, see the girl asleep on the bed, and remove the key from the inside of the door. Then she closed the door, locked it, and pocketed the key.
SO, it seemed to Gail there was nothing left to do but go to sleep. After all, emotional encounters tended to be physically draining, and today she had endured no less than three. While certain she would toss and turn all night long with the weight of her decisions, in truth Gail was asleep when her head hit the pillow.
SUCH was how Max found her—asleep in bed, dead to the world.
He was very thankful to see she was not drooling.
Sneaking into the back of Number Seven had been surprisingly easy. The wall was uneven brick, easily scaled, and the full moon had lent plenty of light to the operation. Climbing the one tree outside Gail's window, however, proved more difficult.
Reedy and covered with thorny vines, Max endured dozens of scratches and a few moments of real fear when the tree swayed so violently he was certain he would fall. But nothing would keep him from his beloved's side—not even Mr. Newton's principles of gravity.
Rescue the girl and save the day, my good man.
Finding the window unlocked, he tiptoed into Gail's room.
She was an angel drenched in moonlight, her long lashes casting shadows against her cheek, a small smile painting her soft mouth, and so deeply unconscious the only movement she elicited was the slow and steady rise and fall of her breast.
Max's mouth quirked mischievously. How best to awaken his angel?
He leaned down in the moonlight, softly kissing her mouth. Gail gave a small moan, but still remained asleep. Max deepened his kiss, drawing her through a haze of dreams into reality, assaulting her senses, waking her body before her mind had the chance to catch up. Max felt her slackened arms snake up around his body, through this hair, and...
POW!
And wallop him with a vase from her bedside table.
"Ow!" Max cried, barely remembering in time to keep his voice down. He fell back on the bed, hands clutching his skull, his vision reeling. Gail sat up immediately, readying herself to strike again, but Max quickly placed his hands before him in a gesture of surrender.
"Gail, stop! It's me!" he whispered hurriedly.
"Max?" She blinked the remnants of sleep and defensive attack away. Slowly, she lowered the vase. Luckily, it was only made of pressed tin, and bore the impression of Max's head, which was far preferable to the opposite situation.
"Oh, Max!" she cried, and flung herself into his arms. He caught her with an "oof," and another "ow" as her force knocked him over and into the bedpost. She gave him a hearty kiss to sooth his wounds, before pulling back and asking questions.
"What are you doing here? How did you get in? Did anyone see you?"
Max gently placed a hand over her mouth, gesturing for silence.
"No, I don't think anyone saw me, and I got in via one terribly unsteady tree. It's a hazard to lovesick swains everywhere."
"Max, don't be vexatious now, I beg you."
"I'm serious," Max continued, taking Gail by the hand and pulling her out of bed. "Look at me, I'm all scratched over, and nearly died twice. Kiss it and make it better?" He grinned.
Gail let a withering glare speak her reply.
God, she was lovely, he thought, his mouth going momentarily dry. The fantastically simple lines of her nightdress, the moonlight highlighting all the right curves through the sheer fabric. In fact, Max was so preoccupied by the vision before him, he didn't notice that the vision was speaking to him, and therefore had to resort to poking him in the arm.
"Max, what's going on? Why are you here?"
He shook off his current train of thoughts, fought his way back to the present. He grinned that lopsided, rakish grin that routinely made Gail's knees go weak. "I thought about everything I said earlier today, everything you said. I came to a conclusion."
"Yes?" she said, a catch in her voice.
"You're an idiot," he said softly, pulling her to him. "And it seems I simply cannot do without you." He held her still for a moment, locked in time, in the space of a breath. "So, you need to pack, quickly. We're leaving tonight."
"Leaving?" she squeaked, bemused, as Max opened her wardrobe. "You're abducting me?"
"Eloping. Eloping involves hurried packing. Abducting involves masked men and a burlap sack."
"Max..."
"Dress for travel, pack only what you'll need for a day or two. I'll buy you entire continents of wardrobes once we're wed, but for now, speed is of the..."
"Max," she said firmly. "Look down."
He complied, thinking maybe there was a particular pair of shoes from the heap that invariably collected at the bottom of wardrobes—but instead he saw a packed valise sitting neatly on the floor.
"As you see, I came to a similar conclusion. I can't seem to do without you either." Her face softened into a sheepish smile, and Max was awestruck.
"Besides, I was already aware of your idiocy," she shot back, grinning.
"You were going to abduct me?" he asked, that half smile playing across his lips.
"Elope," she replied coolly, but then she smirked. "But I was going to do so in the morning! After a full night's sleep."
He laughed aloud at her exasperation, unafraid of who would hear.
"Silly girl! Don't you know all proper eloping is done in the dead of night?" When she shrugged in reply, her nightrail slipped off her shoulder in the most innocent, beguiling way, that Max had to force his head to turn back to the wardrobe.
"Ahem." Max coughed, moving the valise to the outside and rummaging through the wardrobe's contents. "You need to put some clothes on, else we'll never get out of here. What's...? I thought you said you burned this."
Max's rummaging hand had come to the very back of the wardrobe, and pulled out the deep green riding habit. It was balled and wrinkled, but most certainly not burned.
"Yes, well..." Gail cleared her throat, eyes askance. Max was suddenly overcome with the urge to grab Gail and kiss her thoroughly. So he did.
"I do love you," he said, after he finally pulled back, brushing an errant lock of hair out of her eyes.
"I didn't tell Evangeline," she admitted worriedly, looking up into his face. "About my plan to abduct...er, elope. I didn't know how, and she's the one who will be gossiped about, and snubbed everywhere she goes. Max, I don't want to cause her any pain."
He opened his mouth to answer, but a considerable amount of noise at the window caused his face to split into a grin.
"Good God, Longsbowe," Will Holt said as he stumbled into the room, "I nearly killed myself in that damn tree. I thought you said it'd be an easy climb."
"I wouldn't worry about Evangeline," Max said to an astounded Gail. "I brought her a gift, to sooth the pain of losing me."
For indeed, while Gail and Evangeline had spent the whole of the afternoon rehashing almost every single moment of the last two months, Max had engaged in a similar, albeit shorter, conversation with Will Holt.
He had found his best friend in his offices at Holt Shipping, imbibing a rare glass of brandy during working hours.
"I'm sailing on the morning tide," Will had said immediately upon seeing his friend.
Max, noting that Will's face was pale and drawn, sat down in a chair opposite and said, "You look horrid."
"You look fairly awful yourself," Will replied, sipping the brandy.
"I'm in love with my betrothed's sister. What's your excuse?"
Will paused, the glass halfway to his lips, and smiled in spite of himself. "Well, I'm in love with your betrothed. Brandy?"
That is all that was said on the subject.
Now, Will stumbled about Gail's bedchamber, banging into a delicate side table before his eyes managed to adjust to the relative darkness of the indoors.
"Miss Gail," he said, with a polite bow. Gail stood partially concealed behind Max—she was still in her nightgown, after all. "Do you happen to know where I might find your lovely sister?"
"Um...the door across the hall," Gail replied, blushing furiously. Once Will had made his exit, Gail turned triumphant eyes to Max. "So he is the one who wrote Evie's letter!"
"What letter?" Max asked confused.
"Never mind—I'm just going to bask in the glow of being right for a moment."
Max shrugged, grinning. "It wasn't a terribly difficult guess. Evangeline and Will are not as farfetched as say, Max and Gail. Don't worry about your sister. No one will laugh at the wife of the most successful shipping businessman in London and the sister of a Countess."
Gail looked to her beloved in wonder, before throwing herself into his arms and kissing him so thoroughly, he had to pinch the back of his hand to be able to pull away.
"Time enough for that later," he breathed. "For now, hurry and change."
She did, shaking out the green riding habit and donning it with the speed of a jackrabbit. She was just doing up the final buttons on the jacket when Will knocked softly and reentered the room.
"I beg your pardon, Miss Gail, but do you happen to have a key to Evangeline's room?"
"A key?" Gail repeated, confused. "No, Evangeline's door is never locked."
"It is now," Will replied.
Gail and Max crossed the hall with Will. Gail tried the knob.
"Well, it certainly is locked," she said grimly.
"Gail?" Evangeline's small voice came from the other side of the door.
"Evie!" Gail cried. "Can you open the door from the inside?"
"No, I can't find the key."
Gail knelt and looked through the keyhole, meeting Evangeline's similarly prying eye.
"Mr. Holt and Max are here to take us away," she said.
"I know," Evangeline replied, the corner of her eye crinkling with what must have been a smile. "William was telling me just now."
"Evie, tell me one thing—do you love him?"
"Yes," Evangeline's reply was clear as a bell. "I truly do."
"For heaven's sake, why did you let me ramble on and on about Max this afternoon, and you never said a word! No, you just sat there smiling enigmatically while I—"
"Uh...Gail," Max said from behind the crouching form of his soon-to-be-wife, "while I'm sure this discussion is of the utmost importance, do you think it could wait until we find a way to open the door? Do you happen to have a hair pin?"
"I have more hair pins than God." Gail stood. "Can either of you pick a lock?" At the negative shakes of their heads, Gail rolled her eyes. "And I was so hoping one of us might have had a misspent youth. Can you get in her room like you got into mine? From the window?"
Again, Will shook his head. "The front of your home is a sheer face. There is no way to scale that."
"Then," Max replied, "we're back to the key. Evangeline, you didn't happen to put it somewhere and then forget about it? In a box or a reticule or some such thing?"
"No," was the muffled reply. "The key is normally in the keyhole. I never touched it, I don't have it."
"Then who does?" Gail asked.
"I do."
Romilla's voice floated from the end of the hall.
## Thirty-one
WILL, Max, and Gail froze in the middle of the hallway, watching as Romilla, dressed in a wrapper and bearing a candle, approached with unearthly calm.
"Honestly, the three of you are the least stealthy people in the world. You could not have made more noise if you brought an orchestra."
For the space of a minute, no one breathed, no one made a sound. Gail was certain that Romilla was going to raise a hue and cry and then Max and Will would be taken to prison as trespassers and then they'd be sent to Australia—she and Evangeline would be locked in a tower at their country estate, until one day they managed to escape and sneak aboard a merchant ship and search the entire desolate Australian continent of thieves and murderers for their beloveds and...
Then Romilla did the strangest thing. Calmly, she parted the crowded hallway, walked to Evangeline's door, and to everyone's surprise, unlocked it.
Evangeline might have been the most surprised of all, but she did not hesitate in removing herself from her cage. She had already thrown on a day dress, cloak, and shoes. Warily, she edged past her stepmother to stand beside Will, who took her hand.
Romilla shut the door. Turning, she found she had the rapt attention of the hallway's occupants.
"Madam—" Evangeline began, but Romilla interrupted.
"You have special licenses?" she addressed the gentlemen of the party.
"Uh, yes, ma'am. Right here." Max brandished two pieces of paper from his breast pocket. Romilla gave them a cursory glance before nodding.
"Good. Elopement is one thing. Abduction is quite another," she said sternly.
"Yes, one involves burlap sacks." Gail couldn't help the little quip from slipping out.
Romilla turned her steady, unsmiling eyes to Gail. "Gentlemen," she said, her gaze immobile, "perhaps you should go and see to the carriage. I assume there is one? Good. I should like a word alone with my daughters."
Max and Will refused to budge, until Romilla rolled her eyes, and with an exasperated "Oh heaven's sake!" handed the key to Evangeline.
"There," she said. "I cannot lock her back in if she has the key. They will be down in a moment. I certainly cannot stop young fools in love from living their lives, so I refuse to try."
"It's all right." Evangeline squeezed Will's hand. "We will join you shortly."
A look passed between Gail and Max, the former giving the latter similar assurances. Once the gentlemen departed with last backward glances, Gail and Evangeline were left alone with their stepmother.
"Where's Father?" Gail asked before Romilla could begin the dreaded lecture.
"Locked in his bedchamber." Romilla gave a little smirk. "Evangeline's is not the only key in my possession."
"Ma'am," Gail began, "I know our actions are—" but Romilla held up a hand.
"I have put a good many things together in the past few hours. I should have seen this outcome long before, but I can only think that while I had my suspicions, I refused to see a depth of feeling that now is so plain." She turned to Evangeline. "Your father did not listen to what you were saying today, for that I'm sorry." Then she turned to Gail. "I fear I have not listened to you for quite a while, and for that I can only beg forgiveness."
Gail and Evangeline began to shake their heads, but again, Romilla refused to hear their murmurs of denial. She reached up around her neck and removed an intricate garnet necklace, handing it to Evangeline.
"For your wedding," she said, as she removed a matching garnet ring and handed it to Gail. "Each of you will require something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. These are quite old, and it would be an honor if you would borrow these from me for the occasion."
Gail, stunned, numbly took the beautiful ring from Romilla's outstretched hand. Evangeline had silent tears streaking her cheeks.
Romilla addressed both girls then, but peculiarly, kept her eyes on Gail.
"I know I've muddled some things—stepmotherhood is not easy, but I shouldn't imagine stepdaughterhood is either. But please know, that underneath everything"—the tears in her eyes broke the brim, and fell—"I wished the most for you to be happy."
Unable to hold themselves apart any longer, both Gail and Evangeline gathered Romilla into a fierce embrace. When finally they released their stepmother, all three were smiling through profuse tears.
"Mother, please know...the scandal...we wish it didn't have to occur," Evangeline stumbled over the earnest words.
Romilla simply waved this away with a watery laugh. "Bah! Gossip isn't worth the paper it's printed on."
"But," Evangeline replied with a frown creasing her brow, "gossip is said, not printed."
"Exactly." Romilla smiled.
Down the hall a great banging broke the simple honesty of the exchange.
"Romilla!" came their father's voice. "Why am I locked in? Drat it all! Morrison! Mrs. Bibb!"
Romilla wiped away an errant tear, as she turned back to her daughters. "Now, as to your father..." The banging continued loudly. "Come back in a fortnight, and I think you'll find that you've had his consent and blessing all along."
Gail squeezed Romilla's hand one last time. "Thank you, Mother." Romilla had to shoo the girls down the steps before she began crying again.
Once the girls were out of sight, Romilla returned to her husband's door and seated herself in a chair placed for that purpose outside the door.
"Darling, stop pounding, you're giving me a headache."
"Romilla!" came Sir Geoffrey's relieved voice. "Let me out of here."
"Not quite yet," she replied. "You and I need to have a chat about the girls."
"The girls? Are they all right? Where are they?"
"They are fine, dearest. And they are gone. When you next see them, they shall each be wed. And not to whom you'd expect."
"What!?" Sir Geoffrey cried.
"Dearest you simply must stop that infernal banging. I assure you it is fruitless. Now, listen. Yes, listen. I have noticed that since we came to London, your ability to pay proper attention to your family has gone into rapid decline. Listening to your daughters, in particular, seems to have been forgot. However, I have high hopes it is a skill you can regain without much injury."
Inside the master bedchamber, Sir Geoffrey banged against the door with all his strength.
Outside, Romilla sighed and rolled her eyes. It was going to be a long night.
GAIL and Evangeline emerged from Number Seven at a near run. The large black carriage sitting in front of Number Seven swung open its doors, and Max and Will each exited to take the hand of their chosen lady.
"Thank God," Max said to Gail, "any longer and we should have come back in with swords drawn to take you by force."
"Max, do you even have a sword?" Gail asked wryly.
"Well, a metaphorical sword." Once inside the carriage, Will rapped on the ceiling, signaling to the driver to drive at a breakneck pace out of the city.
"Where are we going?" Evangeline asked.
"A small church on the outskirts of London," Max replied to his future sister-in-law. "The vicar is an old friend of ours from school days."
Pleased with this, Evangeline settled back into her seat next to Will, content to be able to whisper sweet nothings at each other, a pleasure too long denied. Max looked to Gail, who had grown unusually quiet.
"You have grown unusually quiet," Max said softly, eliciting a small smile from his intended. "Are you thinking about your stepmother? What did she say to you? I promise, she will never be able to interfere in your life again."
Gail turned and smiled at the concern and protectiveness in Max's eyes. Then she saw that Max's question had drawn her sister's attention as well.
Gail and Evangeline shared a look, and a contented smile.
"She wished us to be happy," Gail said, fingering the garnet ring on her right hand. Evangeline placed a similar hand over the necklace around her throat.
Max and Will looked to each other and then to their future brides.
"And are you?" Max asked, taking her hand, lacing their fingers. "Are you happy?"
Tears shone in Gail's eyes.
"More than words can say."
## Epilogue
IT would be a happy thing indeed to say that nothing resembling a scandal occurred. However, that would be a fib. It was the grandest scandal the Ton had ever seen—for about a month. When the announcement of the nuptials of Maximillian Fontaine, Earl of Longsbowe, to Miss Gail Alton hit the papers, Mayfair was in chaos. Lady Hurstwood repaired immediately to Lady Alton to inquire if the papers had misprinted the name.
She was told the papers were correct.
Lady Alton had no less than twenty callers that morning before ten-thirty, all asking to stay for her famous early teas and to be told how such an outrageous elopement took place.
Indeed, only a few people were less than shocked.
Mr. Ellis at the British Museum glanced at the announcement, smiled to himself, and then returned to his filing.
Lord Ommersley was heard in White's sniggering that he'd known it all along, and if his mother allowed him to place wagers he would have bet his inheritance that it was Miss Gail Lord Longsbowe preferred, not Miss Evangeline. But since Lord Ommersley was not terribly well liked, no one paid him much heed.
Lady Charlbury went so far as to tie a leash to Old Tom and exit her house. She went directly to Lady Jersey's drawing room, where she proceeded to crow in triumph.
Count Roffstaam, who did not receive the Times in Barivia, was uninformed on the matter until he received two letters some three weeks later, the first describing a madcap plot to abduct a gentleman. The second told of its modification and success. He smiled and laughed (most unlike a Barivian) as he read, but nothing pleased him more than when he saw the signature of Gail, Countess of Longsbowe.
However, the vast majority of the Ton was agog at the affair. A few of the matrons began making disparaging remarks about Miss Evangeline now that she had been compromised and thrown over for her sister...until they chanced to read farther down the page and found Miss Evangeline was now Mrs. Holt.
And when the pair of couples returned to town in the prescribed fortnight, Sir Geoffrey was first in line to embrace them. Literally. As Gail and Evangeline knew, the man had the strength of a bear when engaged in an enthusiastic hug. Max and Will, however, were a bit surprised.
Romilla and Sir Geoffrey still find themselves constantly in demand in London. Scandal now seems to slip off them like water off a duck's back, a lesson learned when their daughters married and they had to deal with the fallout. The easiest way, it seemed, was to not care. Many matrons have been frustrated by this newfound breeziness, and yet many still court their favor.
Evangeline and Will settled at Will's family estate and are said to be disgustingly happy. She had seasons upon seasons to paint her beloved new home, and half a dozen children to pepper about the vistas.
The Earl and Countess of Longsbowe spent the first few of their many years together at Longsbowe Park, becoming acquainted with the estate, and much more acquainted with each other. After finding and training an eminently trustworthy steward (not surprisingly, Mr. Merriot's son was as adept as his father), Max took his wife and young sons to Italy, where that Lady was determined to add a practical fourteenth language to her list, and no longer rely on the dubious Pig Latin to round it out. It was whispered by those in society, accompanied by a wink and a nudge, that her desire to grasp the language was so desperate, the Earl and his Lady would retire during the hottest hours of the day, every day, for an Italian lesson.
But honestly, who listens to gossip?
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaBook"
} | 7,974 |
In September 2017 I met Bas Kosters at his studio to photograph his work inspired by the iconic shoes of Jan Jansen for the art project 'Jan Jansen Shoe Treasures' organised by Liza Snook (Virtual Shoe Museum) and Amber Ambrose Aurèle. Bas Kosters has created a special family of foot friends. The foot has become the starting point point of the four different objects in which the connection with the shoe and the foot is the center of attention. The well-known Bas Kosters figures in their iconic shade of pink were executed in the alienated shape of the human foot. Bas chose to leave the four original Jan Jansen shoes intact - his foot figures seek a relationship with Jansen's shoes. He chose to give the figures a personality, which enables them to find a connection in the world of Bas Kosters and Jan Jansen combined. These pictures show the making of 'I sympathise with the ugly stepsisters' by Bas Kosters and his assistants.
All images © 2019 Charlotte Visser. All rights reserved.
All images © 2019 Charlotte Visser. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 2,168 |
Q: Synchronizing tables on 2 MySQL servers I have 2 MySQL servers: one for development, other for production. Both contain same table structure, but different data on tables.
When I have done change on dev server, like add column to table, I have manually made the same change later to production server. But this slow and error prone, especially if there are many changes to be made at once.
Is there better way to do this? I have phpMyAdmin, maybe that has some neat trick?
Also, is there a dedicated term for what this process is called? Searching for 'table update' or similar does not yield results on this topic.
EDIT:
Forgot to mention that I am using Windows.
So apparently I need some kind of diff tool for this. I haven't tested all of these proposed software yet, but so far they seem very useful.
A: When ever I do this I have used the data or structure sync in a Mysql GUI app called Navicat, there is a free version available and it does what you asked perfectley.
A: Try to compare and synchronize databases with schema/data comparers in dbForge Studio for MySQL.
A: I've used Red Gate's SQL Compare before for SQL Server; this is their MySQL product. I don't have the budget to buy it myself, but if it works anything like SQL Compare did, it'll do exactly what you want it to do.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 6,978 |
Q: Generalize regex XML validation I am looking to make my code better by letting for example Dim IDNumbers() As String = 'SOMETHING' instead of writing out the list of strings individually like {"0", "1", "2", "3", "4"}. I want to be able to read all the ID, student name and birthday nodes from my XML file without having to physically go and list them all. I am unsure how to do this If anybody could help with sample code that would be great. The reason for this is that if I modify my code in the file I have to change it in my vb code too.
A: Try following :
Imports System.Xml
Imports System.Xml.Linq
Imports System.Globalization
Module Module1
Const FILENAME As String = "c:\temp\test.xml"
Sub Main()
Dim doc As XDocument = XDocument.Load(FILENAME)
Dim results = doc.Descendants("student").Select(Function(x) New With { _
.id = CType(x.Element("ID"), string), _
.name = CType(x.Element("student_name"), string), _
.birthday = CType(x.Element("birthday"), string) _
}).ToList()
End Sub
End Module
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 3,333 |
package goja.castor.castor;
import goja.castor.Castor;
@SuppressWarnings({"rawtypes"})
public class Class2String extends Castor<Class, String> {
@Override
public String cast(Class src, Class<?> toType, String... args) {
return src.getName();
}
}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 8,199 |
{"url":"https:\/\/email.esm.psu.edu\/pipermail\/macosx-tex\/2007-May\/030509.html","text":"# [OS X TeX] Re: When Is It Coming Out?\n\nKen Beath kjbeath at kagi.com\nFri May 4 21:41:49 EDT 2007\n\n```On 05\/05\/2007, at 10:00 AM, TeX on Mac OS X Mailing List wrote:\n\n>\n> Subject: Re: When Is It Coming Out?\n> From: \"George Gratzer\" <gratzer at ms.umanitoba.ca>\n> Date: Thu, 3 May 2007 21:00:11 -0500\n>\n> Herb,\n>\n> I wish I knew. The publisher is reading it, I expect little work with\n> her remarks. Need a cover design.\n>\n> We are doing some final work on the index -- the one you see has 100+\n> errors. When we are done, we upload a corrected copy. I appreciate\n> your kind words, compared to you, we are all amateurs.\n>\n> What Axel wrote:\n>\n>> I have some books on LaTeX, but the only ones between my keyboard and\n>> monitor are TLC and Prof. Gr\u00e4tzer's Math into LaTeX.\n>\n> is exactly my goal.\n>\n> The book is on the Springer site:\n>\n> http:\/\/www.springer.com\/west\/home\/generic\/search\/results?\n> SGWID=4-40109-22-131388488-0\n>\n> I would like to use this opportunity to thank the group for the help\n> extended to me while writing this book. When I am in trouble, I know\n> you are there to help me.\n>\n> GG\n> P.S. started thinking of the 5th edition. XeTeX, biblatex, Open\n> Fonts, STIX! G.\n>\n\nAmazon have The LaTeX Book: A Guide for Documentation and\nPresentation by George Gratzer due in August\n\nhttp:\/\/www.amazon.com\/gp\/product\/0387322892\/ref=wl_it_dp\/\n104-3608111-3913507?ie=UTF8&coliid=I2TCV83SNELAKD&colid=1SA5OWPX1O928\n\nIs this just a different title for America ?\n\nThis has probably already been fixed , but the Symbol Tables appendix\nfrom CTAN has a problem with \\oint_{a}\u02c6{b} in Table B.7.1.\n\nKen","date":"2020-08-04 15:53:58","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": false, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 0, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 0, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 0, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 0, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.8786516785621643, \"perplexity\": 7885.070351545246}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 10, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": true}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2020-34\/segments\/1596439735867.94\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20200804131928-20200804161928-00228.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
Hobgoblin is a type of fairy or monster.
Hobgoblin may also refer to:
Hobgoblin (Dungeons & Dragons), an adaptation of the monster for the D&D role-playing game
Hobgoblin (comics), a comic book super-villain in the Marvel Comics universe, and an enemy of Spider-Man
"The Hobgoblin" (Spider-Man), an episode of Spider-Man: The Animated Series, featuring Marvel Comics' Hobgoblin as the villain
Hobgoblin (Imperial Guard), a different Marvel character also known as the Hobgoblin
Hobgoblin (character), a powerful magician in the 1948 Moomin novel Finn Family Moomintroll
Hobgoblin (beer), a type of beer manufactured by the UK-based Wychwood Brewery
Hobgoblin (novel), a 1981 horror novel by John Coyne
Hobgoblins (film), a 1988 B-movie, largely known for its appearance on Mystery Science Theater 3000
The Hobgoblin (1924 film), a 1924 German silent thriller film
The Hobgoblin (1990 film), alternate title for the movie Quest for the Mighty Sword
"Hobgoblin (song)", the lead single from CLC's 2017 album Crystyle
Þursaflokkurinn, an Icelandic progressive rock group the name of which means "The Hobgoblins" in English | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 1,616 |
Move the mouse cursor over the Pixie's window to see information about configured hotkeys.
Click and hold the left mouse button anywhere on the Pixie's window to drag it around the screen.
You may use the "-" command line parameter to start Pixie in the minimized mode.
You may use the "=" command line parameter to define hotkeys when start Pixie.
When you open the color mixer, it will automatically select the current color.
If you want to know a color of a particular HTML code, then enter this code to the color mixer's HTML selector field.
The easiest way to aim at the magnify area is to press the magnifier hotkey and hold it while moving the mouse cursor around a screen. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 311 |
High school notebook: De La Salle High cross…
High school notebook: De La Salle High cross country team off to impressive start
By Phil Jensen | pjensen@bayareanewsgroup.com | Bay Area News Group
De La Salle High cross country coach John Pelster doesn't mince words when he talks about this season's team.
"This is so far the fastest team I've coached," said Pelster, who has led the Spartans for the past six seasons and was an assistant coach from 1991-2005.
During that span, De La Salle has a rich distance running tradition. De La Salle, the two-time defending North Coast Section Division I champion, has won 12 NCS team titles since 1990, including three in the past four years. It also has finished in the top five in the state championships five times since 1990, most recently in 2007.
The Spartans won this year's De La Salle/Carondelet Nike Invitational convincingly on Sept. 15 and were also second in the large-school race at the Ed Sias Invitational. They will try to continue their impressive start Saturday at the Stanford Invitational. It starts with the Division IV boys race at 9 a.m. and ends with the Division V girls race at 3:30 p.m.
"Basically, they are talented and they work hard," Pelster said about his team. "During the summer, they ran their miles."
Leading the charge for the Spartans is Blair Hurlock, a junior who transferred to De La Salle from Tracy before his sophomore year. Hurlock opened his season impressively with a clocking of 15 minutes, 12.68 seconds in winning the Nike Invitational.
" I knew he was fit and I knew he would be able to compete somewhere near the front of the Nike Invitational, but I wasn't expecting him to run the third-fastest time (in the course's history)," Pelster said. "The kid is not afraid to work hard. He is a relentless worker. He does not cut corners. … He really has a burning desire to do well."
Luke Williams, a junior, won the Ed Sias large-school race and was eighth at the Nike Invitational. Matt Schumann, a sophomore, finished in the top eight in both meets.
"We have a really talented and very young team. Four of my top five runners will be back next year," Pelster said.
California has perhaps the East Bay Athletic League's top player in Sabrina Clayton, and defending league champion San Ramon Valley has Emily Reder and several other key pieces. So it might be easy for Foothill to get lost in the EBAL shuffle.
But underestimating the Falcons would be a mistake.
With longtime coach Dusty Collins, the Falcons tied San Ramon Valley last year for the top league's record at 10-4, and in 2010, they won the EBAL and North Coast Section Division I championships.
"Our approach has been the same every year, and that is to get better every day," Collins said. "Most years, including this one, we feel we have a realistic chance at winning the league, and that's our primary team goal. We feel if we are trying to get better every day and work hard and doing that, good results will follow."
The Falcons have started well and, although it's early, find themselves right in the thick of the league race. The EBAL has only one undefeated team left (California) and four teams, including Foothill, have a 2-1 record.
"Once again, our league looks to be solid top to bottom," Collins said. "The team that can bring a consistent level of play each night will end up winning the league."
— Matt Smith, correspondent
Nearly all of the Bay Area's best boys water polo teams will be in action this weekend at the Richison Tournament, also known as the NCS/CCS Challenge, held at various sites in the South Bay and East Bay.
While defending North Coast Section Division I champion Miramonte won't be attending, just about every other top program from the NCS and Central Coast Section will see how they stack up against one another.
That includes San Ramon Valley, the tournament's defending champion, as well as De La Salle, Acalanes, Campolindo, Las Lomas and Monte Vista. They'll be up against some of the South Bay's best, a list headed by defending section champions Bellarmine Prep-San Jose and Sacred Heart Prep-Atherton.
Campolindo and Acalanes will host tournament games, but the semifinals and championship match will be held at Saint Francis in Mountain View.
— Stephanie Hammon
Phil Jensen
Phil Jensen is a reporter for the Bay Area News Group.
Follow Phil Jensen @JensenPhil
Bollywood 'Figaro'? Opera San Jose sets stunning new season
New general director announces new Opera San Jose season with re-imaginings of 'Figaro' and 'Carmen' and a staging of controversial 'Salome.' | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 7,499 |
Q: How do I disable --version-script when cross compiling clang/LLVM on a Mac? I am trying to cross compile my clang/LLVM based ELLCC cross development tools project on a Mac. I am targeting ARM/Linux. The build fails while building FileCheck (or tbl-gen or any of the other build tools built during the cross-compile-build-tools step) because the build rules try to pass the --version-script option to the linker. There is a lot of configure magic going on and I can't seem to find the spell that says not to use --version-script on a Mac.
A little clarification of my problem. ELLCC builds fine on a Mac and creates executables that can be used to create ARM/Linux programs (or Mips/Linux, Microblaze/Linux, PowerPC/Linux, etc). The trouble I'm having is when I try to make ELLCC compile itself for the target.
clang/LLVM needs several tools that it supplies that need to run on the build host. Those tools are being compiled properly as Mac executables using the native Mac clang, but the link stage is mixed up and trying to use --version-script even though the Mac linker doesn't support it.
A: You practically had the magic flag (or spell) in your title. I think you might be looking for:
--disable-ld-version-script
There are also suggestions and considerations that deal with cross-compiling which can be found here (section Cross-Compiling a Self-Bootstrapping Tool might be of relevance).
A: It turns out that there is a problem with the rules used to cross build stuff. When I build for Linux on OS X, The variable HOST_OS is "Linux" in Makefile.rules. I had to add a Darwin conditional:
ifeq ($(HOST_OS), $(filter $(HOST_OS), DragonFly Linux NetBSD FreeBSD GNU/kFreeBSD GNU))
ifneq ($(shell uname -s),Darwin)
ifneq ($(ARCH), Mips)
LD.Flags += -Wl,--version-script=$(LLVM_SRC_ROOT)/autoconf/ExportMap.map
endif
endif
endif
endif
There probably should be a BUILD_OS vs. HOST_OS, or HOST_OS is set incorrectly here.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 4,048 |
Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Yogi Adityanath on Monday expressed grief over the death of Police Inspector Subodh Kumar Singh and a local Sumit during clashes that took place in Bulandshahr over the presence of illegal animal slaughterhouses in the city. Clashes began after locals in the region found a cattle carcass in the nearby area.
The Chief Minister has assured a speedy investigation into the matter and adequate compensation for the victims. It is worth mentioning to state that deceased Inspector Subodh Kumar Singh was the investigation officer (IO) for three months in the lynching of Akhlaq Ahmed, which took place in 2015 in Dadri.
Chief Minister Adityanath has directed Additional Director General (Intelligence) SB Shirodkar to reach the spot immediately and submit the report in two days. He has also directed the officer to find the reason and those behind the violence. The Chief Minister has also ordered for action against the guilty.
Uttar Pradesh Police's Additional Director General (ADG), Law and Order, Anand Kumar told media: "One policeman died in stone pelting from the villagers. Later, a local Sumit also got shot, who was shifted to a hospital in Meerut where he succumbed to his injuries. A probe is underway to find out who shot at him."
Kumar further said that villagers protested because they found a cattle carcass in the field. "People complained that the cattle carcass was found in the field. Villagers were assured action, but villagers carried the carcass on a tractor and blocked the main road. The protest turned violent and stones were pelted on the police. Forces retaliated with lathi-charge to control the mob. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 4,407 |
Physician, specialist in Intensive Care Medicine. PhD in Epidemiology at Faculdade de Medicina da Universidade de São Paulo (2008). Post-Graduate Diploma in Clinical Trials at London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine / University of London (External Programme).
Director of the HCor Research Institute - Hospital do Coração, São Paulo, Brazil. Physician at Hospital do Coração Intensive Care Unit. Physician at the Burn Specialized Intensive Care Unit, Clinics Hospital, Sao Paulo University Medical School, São Paulo, Brazil. Professor at the Post-Graduate Program in Anesthesiology at Sao Paulo University Medical School.
President of the Brazilian Research in Intensive Care Network (BRICNet). Vice-President of Latin American Sepsis Institute (LASI).
Areas of focus: randomized controlled trials, systematic reviews and meta-analyses, intensive care. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 8,638 |
import java.util.List;
public class StreamExtract {
void test(List<String> list) {
list.stream().mapToInt(String::length).map(length -> length + 10 * length).forEach(System.out::println);
}
}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 9,596 |
\section{Highlights}
\section{INTRODUCTION}
\maketitle
Our current universe appears to be quite clumpy, with countless galaxies, groups of galaxies, galaxy clusters, and so on, spanning a wide dynamic range in mass. The mass distribution of the large-scale structure (LSS) is a key factor in understanding the evolution of the universe. Due to the variations of the mass distributions of matter in the LSS: galaxies and galaxy clusters correspond to over-dense regions \citep{Broadhurst2005, Umetsu2011} while cosmic voids are the under-dense regions \citep{Park2007}. Over the last few decades a substantial amount of research works have been published with cosmic voids by utilizing the effects of void ellipticities, void size functions, the emptiness and its evolution over cosmic time, etc. \citep{Park2007, Bos2012, Pan2012, Krause2012, Sutter2012, Bolejko2013, Ceccarelli2013, Hamaus2014, Nadathur2014, Hamaus2015, Nadathur2016, Sanchez2016, Mao2017, Verza2019, Panchal2020, Li2020, Raghunathan2020} and halos by analysing the mass distributions of galaxies and galaxy clusters, sizes, and magnitudes of galaxies, etc. \citep{Kaiser2000, Schmidt2012, Han2015, Fong2018, Salcedo2019} for constraining cosmology and extracting the information from the expansion history of the universe and modified gravity \citep{Farrar2004, Peebles2010}.
The weak gravitational lensing technique is a very common method to investigate the matter distribution. Weak gravitational lensing, the distortion of images when light bundles are deflected by the mass distribution of LSS as they travel the tremendous distance from the source to the observer, provides the most efficient way of measuring the distribution of matter density in the universe \citep{Kaiser1992, Kaiser1993, Mellier1999, Bacon2000, Wittman2000, Bartelmann2001}. The distortion patterns in the images from distant galaxies provide a powerful window for studying the expansion of the universe and the evolution of the cosmic structure \citep{Wambsganss1998, Wittman2000, Kilbinger2015}. Ongoing surveys such as the Dark Energy Survey (DES\footnote{\orange{http://www.darkenergysurvey.org}}), the Dark Energy Spectroscopic Instrument (DESI\footnote{\orange{https://www.desi.lbl.gov/}}) Bright Galaxy Survey \citep{Ruiz-Macias2020, Zarrouk2021}, and Hyper-Suprime-Cam (HSC\footnote{\orange{http://hsc.mtk.nao.ac.jp/ssp/}}) or future weak-lensing surveys such as Euclid\footnote{\orange{https://sci.esa.int/web/euclid}} and the Large Synoptic Survey Telescope \citep{LSST2012} aim to cover a wide portion of the sky with great precision.
The weak-lensing signal for single structures can be very difficult to measure. One of the reasons is the noise due to foreground structures also contributing to lensing distortions. This can be minimised by the method of stacking weak-lensing signal produced by the large number of targeted structures. This can reduce the errors of the statistical analysis, which introduce a powerful tool to probe the average mass distribution of the LSS for understanding the evolution of the universe \citep{Oguri2011, Higuchi2013, Simet2015}.
The mapping of the distribution of galaxies and clusters of galaxies (by neglecting all peculiar velocities) observed in redshift-space would be identical as compared with the real space in a perfectly homogeneous universe \citep{Kaiser1987}. But the peculiar velocities of galaxies associated with any inhomogeneous structure will introduce distortion in this mapping along the line of sight \citep{Davis1983,Kaiser1987}. This distortion effect is known as redshift-space distortion. This effect has been studied extensively in both linear \citep{Davis1983,Kaiser1987} and nonlinear \citep{Cole1995, Magira2000} regimes.
A complimentary method to gravitational lensing is the Doppler lensing. The Doppler lensing signal is caused by the redshift distortions. These distortions are then expressed in terms of weak-lensing quantities \citep{Bolejko2013, Bacon2014, Bonvin2017}. Since the redshift distortions are caused by the underlying matter distribution, the Doppler lensing offers a complimentary approach to investigate matter distribution. At low redshift, the Doppler lensing is much stronger than weak-lensing, and thus convergence is dominated by the Doppler lensing \citep{Bolejko2013, Bacon2014}. Thus the correct method of analysing lensing statistics needs to incorporate both: gravitational and Doppler lensing.
\citet{Bacon2014} suggested a new approach for detecting Doppler magnification that incorporated cross-correlating the convergence by using galaxy sizes and magnitudes. They used a Newtonian simulation and stacked the Doppler lensing signal around the cosmic voids and halos. They showed that at low redshift Doppler lensing dominates over standard weak-lensing and at higher redshift Doppler lensing falls while weak-lensing grows. They also constructed an estimator based on angular power spectrum which can be used to constrain the cosmological model. Later on, \citet{Bonvin2017} investigated the dipolar modulation in the size of galaxies by using the effect of Doppler magnification. They showed that by extracting dipole in the cross-correlation of number counts and galaxy sizes one can able to detect the Doppler lensing in current and upcoming radio surveys.
The formation of the LSS is complex because it becomes non-linear as the inhomogeneities grow, so numerical methods are required. Over the last few decades, significant attention has been devoted to study the weak gravitational lensing by the LSS associated with numerical simulations, mostly based on Newtonian gravity \citep{Jain2000, Barber2003, Hilbert2009, Takahashi2011, Killedar2012, Valageas2012}, but where the presence of relativistic sources is prevalent, this approach has some limitations to study the formation of cosmic structures \citep{Chisari2011, Green2012, Adamek2013, Lepori2020}. As the cosmic shear signal provides the most useful cosmological information in the small angular scales so, not only the nonlinear effect but also including the relativistic effect (by implementing the general relativity treatment for gravity instead of Newtonian gravity) provides more accurate modelling of the weak gravitational lensing statistics. Recently, \citet{Adamek2016a, Adamek2016b} developed a new $N$-body code, namely \texttt{gevolution}\footnote{\orange{https://github.com/gevolution-code/gevolution-1.2}}, based on the theory of general relativity, and our present work will use this $N$-body simulation to study the relativistic weak-lensing statistics. In this paper we use \texttt{gevolution} and adopt the ray-tracing framework developed in our companion paper \citep{Ema2021} (which focuses on studying the impact of the local environment on weak-lensing statistics).
In this paper, to study the effect of the underlying matter distribution in and around cosmic voids/halos, we will adopt both Doppler lensing and standard weak gravitational lensing and analyse their properties by utilizing the information from the statistical quantities i.e. convergence, shear, and magnification. Here we neglect the local environment effect on light propagation. We will show how the properties of Doppler lensing differ from those of standard weak-lensing and how the distribution of matter in the universe can impact the weak-lensing signal.
The layout of this paper is as follows: in Section \ref{background}, we present the background of weak gravitational lensing, Doppler lensing and numerical modelling of our ray tracing algorithm, and description of the $N$-body simulations. We show our results and analysis of weak-lensing signal for clustering masses of the halos and clustering radii of the voids, and also show the comparison between the standard weak gravitational lensing and Doppler lensing in Section \ref{res}.
Finally, we conclude in Section \ref{conclusion}.
\section{Background and Modelling}\label{background}
\subsection{Lensing}
\subsubsection{Weak gravitational lensing}
Here our aim is to briefly describe the theory of weak gravitational lensing which arises from the distortion of background galaxy shapes due to the intervening LSS from source galaxy to observer. It can be described by the Jacobian matrix mapping source angular positions $\boldsymbol{\theta}^\mathrm{S}$ to image positions $\boldsymbol{\theta}^\mathrm{I}$, i.e., $d\theta_i^\mathrm{S}=\mathcal{A}_{ij}d\theta_j^\mathrm{I}$. In the weak-lensing limit, this distortion matrix \citep{Bartelmann2001} can be decomposed as
\begin{align}
\mathcal A=\left( \begin{array}{c c}
1-\kappa-\gamma_1 & -\gamma_2 \\
-\gamma_2 & 1-\kappa+\gamma_1\\
\end{array} \right),
\end{align}
which defines the convergence field $\kappa$ and complex shear field $\gamma\equiv \gamma_1+i\gamma_2$. The total magnification of surface area elements $\mu$ is given by the determinant of the inverse matrix
\begin{equation}
\mu = \frac{1}{\det(\mathcal A)}=[(1-\kappa)^2-|\gamma|^2]^{-1},\label{mag}
\end{equation}
which in the weak-lensing limit $|\kappa|,\,|\gamma|\ll 1$ can be approximated by $\mu\simeq 1+2\kappa$. The convergence field $\kappa$ tells us at what amount a source galaxy at a fixed redshift is magnified or demagnified by the intervening of the LSS while the shear field $\gamma$ is the stretching along the axes of the image. The tangential shear changes the orientation of the background source while convergence is responsible for the magnification or de-magnification of the source. For an azimuthally symmetric lens the convergence $\kappa$ and the tangential shear $\gamma$ and can be expressed as
\begin{equation}\label{eq:proj}
\kappa = \frac{\Sigma(r)}{\Sigma_{\rm cr}} \quad {\rm and} \quad \gamma =\: \frac{\Delta\Sigma(r)}{\Sigma_{\rm cr}},
\end{equation}
\noindent where $\Sigma(r)$ represents the projected surface mass density of the lens, $\Delta\Sigma(r)$ is the differential surface mass density of the lens, $r$ is the physical transverse distance on the lens plane
\begin{equation}
\Delta\Sigma(r) =\: \bar\Sigma(< r) - \Sigma(r),
\end{equation}
\noindent and $\Sigma_{\rm cr}$ is defined as
\begin{equation}\label{eq:Scr}
\Sigma_{\rm cr} =\: \frac{c^2}{4\pi G}\frac{D_s}{D_L\,D_{Ls}},
\end{equation}
\noindent where $D_s$ is the angular diameter distance to the source, $D_L$ is the angular diameter distance to the lens and $D_{Ls}$ denotes the angular diameter distance between lens and source. Note that the differential surface mass density $\Delta\Sigma(r)$ is proportional to the weak-lensing tangential shear, while the projected surface mass density $\Sigma(r)$ is proportional to the weak-lensing magnification.
\subsubsection{Doppler lensing}
The relevance of peculiar velocities on apparent size and magnitude of observed objects was first highlighted by \cite{Bonvin2008}. Subsequently, \cite{Bolejko2013} demonstrated that the effect of the Doppler lensing can dominate at low redshifts. The convergence due to Doppler lensing can be expressed by the following normalised equation
\begin{equation}
\kappa_v=\left(1-\frac{1+z_s}{ H\chi_s}\right) \bm{v}/c\cdot\bm n,
\label{eqn:Dop}
\end{equation}
\noindent where $z_s$ is the source redshift, $H$ is the Hubble parameter, $\chi_s$ is the co-moving distance of the sources, \bm{$v$} is the velocity of the source galaxies, $c$ is the speed of light, and \bm{$n$} is the unit vector from the source to the observer (the directions in which photon propagates). Here, the sign of convergence due to Doppler lensing, $\kappa_v$ alters according to whether objects travel towards or away from us. More specifically, the term $\bm v/c\cdot\bm n > 0$ ($\bm v/c\cdot\bm n < 0$) indicates that the object travel towards (away) from us. The `+ve' (`-ve') sign of the value of Doppler convergence implies that at their observed redshift they are smaller and dimmer (larger and brighter) than typical objects. While weak gravitational lensing is caused by the mass distribution, Doppler lensing is an effect that is purely related to the peculiar velocity of objects. We will discuss more the effect of the Doppler lensing, and compare with standard weak gravitational lensing in Section \ref{res:Dop}.
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\hspace*{-0.3in}
\includegraphics[width=2.2\columnwidth]{Figures/R_halo_void_particle_density_latest5.png}
\vspace*{-6mm}
\caption{The structure of the cosmic voids and halos in a relativistic cosmological simulation. The left panel of the figure shows the clustered voids having different ranges of radii within a $10~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ slice of the \texttt{gevolution} simulation at $z=0.22$. The grey colour indicates the DM distributions whereas the different colour circles are the voids of different ranges of radii in units of $h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. The right panel of the figure shows the clustered halos having different ranges of masses (all values in the right side legends indicate in the order of 10 magnitudes and in units of $~h^{-1}M_\odot$) within a $10~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ slice of the \texttt{gevolution} simulation at $z=0.22$. The grey colour indicates the DM distributions whereas the different colour dots are the halos of different ranges of masses. }
\label{fig2}
\end{figure*}
\begin{figure}
\hspace{-0.3cm}
\centering
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_halo_void_counts.pdf}
\caption{Variations of the number of halo and void counts for 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at redshift $z=0.22$. The top panel shows the number of void counts as a function of the radii of voids and the bottom panel shows the number of halo counts as a function of the masses of halos. }
\label{new_fig}
\end{figure}
\subsection{Numerical simulations}
The aim of this paper is to investigate the applicability of the gravitational and Doppler lensing methods. The goal is to obtain mass profiles of cosmic structure. We test the method using relativistic cosmological simulations from \texttt{gevolution} and identify cosmic structures from the publicly available codes \texttt{ROCKSTAR} \citep{Behroozi2013} and \texttt{Pylians} \citep{Villaescusa-Navarro2018}. There are some other robust void finding codes \citep{Nadathur2015a, Nadathur2015b, Sutter2015} based on the parameter-free void finding algorithm \texttt{ZOBOV} \citep{Neyrinck2008} but in this work, we will use \texttt{Pylians} to find the spherical underdense regions.
\subsubsection{Metric}
Here our goal is to discuss relativistic $N$-body simulations, and some existing methods for the ray-tracing algorithm to analyse the weak-lensing statistics.
Both, simulations and light propagation methods are based on the perturbations around the homogeneous isotropic FLRW universe, with the metric in the conformal Poisson gauge give as
\begin{align}\label{e:metric}
ds^2 = a^2(\tau) [-(1+2\Psi)d\tau^2 - 2B_ix^id\tau + (1-2\Phi)\delta_{ij}dx^idx^j \notag\\
+ h_{ij}dx^idx^j],
\end{align}
\noindent where $a$ denotes the scale factor of the background, $x^i$ are the comoving Cartesian coordinates, and $\tau$ is the conformal time. $\Phi$ and $\Psi$ are the scalar perturbations, $B_i$ is the vector perturbation and $h_{ij}$ is the tensor perturbation which contain two spin-2 degrees of freedom of gravitational waves. In \texttt{gevolution} simulation, the coordinate system is fixed by the gauge conditions
\begin{equation}
\delta^{ij} B_{i,j} = \delta^{ij} h_{ij} = \delta^{jk} h_{ij,k} = 0 .
\end{equation}
The two scalar perturbations ($\Phi$ and $\Psi$) from \texttt{gevolution} having the value of the order of $10^{-5}$ which is at least two orders of magnitude higher than the vector potentials and the tensor perturbation $h_{ij}$ is even smaller on the scales that we are interested in \citep{Lu2009, Thomas2015, Adamek2016a, Lepori2020}. In our first companion paper \cite[see Fig. 2 of][]{Ema2021}, we illustrate that the two scalar perturbations ($\Phi$ and $\Psi$) contribute the maximum effect on the light propagation and the vector potential has negligible effect on weak-lensing statistics, hence we neglect the vector and tensor perturbations contribution throughout this work.
\subsubsection{\texorpdfstring{$N-$}-body simulation}
To study the weak-lensing statistics, the weak potentials are generated from a relativistic $N$-body simulations and a set of null geodesic equations are integrated through a cosmological mass distribution. Our results are based on relativistic $N$-body simulation has $256^3$ mass particles for a cosmological volume of $(320~\mathrm{Mpc}/h)^3$ carried out with the relativistic code \texttt{gevolution}. The metric is sampled on a regular Cartesian grid of $256^3$ points, providing a spatial resolution of $1.25~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. This allows robust detection of dark matter (DM) halos down to about $5 \times 10^{11}~M_\odot/h$ (we find it by using \texttt{ROCKSTAR}). We choose a baseline $\Lambda$CDM cosmology with $h = 0.67556$, $\Omega_c = 0.2638$, $\Omega_b = 0.048275$, and a radiation density that includes massless neutrinos with $N_\mathrm{eff} = 3.046$. Linear initial conditions are computed with \textit{CLASS} \citep{Blas2011} at redshift $z_\mathrm{ini} = 127$, assuming a primordial power spectrum with amplitude $A_s = 2.215 \times 10^{-9}$ (at the pivot scale $0.05~\mathrm{Mpc}^{-1}$) and spectral index $n_s = 0.9619$.
In this paper we consider a volume of approximately $\left( 900~h^{-1} {\rm Mpc} \right)^3$ (volume equivalent to a spherical slice between $z=0.2$ and $z= 0.25$).
This volume was simulated with the means of 21 realisations of $320~\mathrm{Mpc}/h$.
The computational time for 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations on the above configurations takes about 250 CPU hours.
The reason for the simulation of the required volume with 21 realisations instead of a single larger box was motivated by the requirements of the ray-tracing algorithm. The ray-tracing algorithm is the bottleneck of our pipeline, which requires substantive quantities of CPU time and large memory. The trade-off of this approach is the lack of extremely large structures and the need of having rays crossing the boundaries between boxes.
\subsubsection{Halo finding}
To identify the DM halos, we use the publicly available code \texttt{ROCKSTAR}\footnote{\orange{https://bitbucket.org/gfcstanford/rockstar/src/main/}}, a phase-space friends-of-friends (FOF) halo finder. We run \texttt{gevolution} having a cosmological volume of $(320~\mathrm{Mpc}/h)^3$ and read the particle snapshots at $z=0.22$ by using \texttt{ROCKSTAR} which gives more than $3 \times 10^4$ DM halos with a minimum number of particles considered to be a halo seed is 20 per halo \cite[by setting FOF refinement fraction = 0.7 and 3D-FOF linking length = 0.28, for more details about these please see][]{Behroozi2013}. This sets our minimal halo mass (halo radius) to $M_{halo, min}= 5 \times 10^{11}~h^{-1}M_\odot$ ~ ($R_{halo, min}=0.15~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$) and the maximal halo mass (halo radius) to $M_{halo, max}= 1.6 \times 10^{15}~h^{-1}M_\odot$ ~ ($R_{halo, max}=2.56~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$). To analyse the effect of the mass of halos ($M_{{\rm halo}}$), we subdivide the halos into four different mass ranges: i) $10^{11.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot < M_{halo} < 10^{12.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$ ii) $10^{12.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot < M_{halo} < 10^{13.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$ iii) $10^{13.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot < M_{halo} < 10^{14.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$, and iv) $M_{halo} > 10^{14.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$. Figure \ref{fig2} (right panel) shows the different clustering ranges of halo masses and the particle density distribution within a $10~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ slice of the \texttt{gevolution} simulation at $z=0.22$. The redshift of $z = 0.22$ was chosen on the basis of the relevance of the Doppler lensing, which dominates for $z<0.3$ \citep[][cf. Sec. \ref{conclusion} for a further discussion]{Bacon2014}. The different colour dots indicate the halos having different masses and the legends represent the value of the ranges of the halo masses in units of $~h^{-1}M_\odot$. We find that the massive halos are located in the most clustered zone of the density of the particle distribution whereas the less massive halos are located in the less clustered zone of the density of the particle distribution. The fluctuation of the number of halo counts as a function of the masses of halos for 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at redshift $z=0.22$ is shown in the bottom panel of Fig. \ref{new_fig}.
\subsubsection{Void finding}
We employ \texttt{Pylians} \citep{Villaescusa-Navarro2018}, a publicly available python code, to find the cosmic voids. It starts with calculating a smoothly-varying density field from the particle positions within the gadget output of the \texttt{gevolution} simulation. We run \texttt{gevolution} having a cosmological volume of $(320~\mathrm{Mpc}/h)^3$ and read the particle snapshots at $z=0.22$ by using \texttt{Pylians}\footnote{\orange{https://github.com/franciscovillaescusa/Pylians3}} which gives more than $5.5 \times 10^3$ cosmic voids (by setting the threshold to $-0.5$, which identifies voids with mean overall density contrast below this threshold). The code \texttt{Pylians} assumes the cosmic void as a sphere and the centre of this sphere is used as the void centre. It provides the information of the centres of the void positions and the radii of the cosmic voids. This sets the minimal cosmic void radius to $R_{void, min} = 5~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ and the maximal void radius to $R_{void, max} = 44~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. Similar to halos, we also divide four regions of voids having different ranges of radii: i) $5~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{void} < 15~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ ii) $15~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{void} < 25~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ iii) $25~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{void} < 35~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$, and iv) $35~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{void} < 45~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. The clustering range of voids having different radii and the particle density distribution within a $10~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ slice of the \texttt{gevolution} simulation at $z=0.22$ is depicted in Fig. \ref{fig2} (left panel). The different circles with different colours indicate the voids having different ranges of radii and the colour bar shows the value of the ranges of the void radii in units of $~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. As expected the voids are situated where the particle density distribution is low in our cosmological simulation volume. We demonstrate the variation of the number of void counts as a function of the radii of voids for 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at redshift $z=0.22$ in the top panel of Fig. \ref{new_fig}.
\subsection{Ray-tracing algorithm} \label{ray_alg}
The ray-tracing algorithm implemented in this paper is based on solving null geodesics equations. The metric coefficients are obtained directly from relativistic simulations.
From these we calculate the Christoffel symbols and explicitly solve the null geodesics equations using the python package \textit{scipy.odeint}\footnote{\orange{https://docs.scipy.org/doc/scipy/reference/generated/scipy.integrate.odeint.html}} which uses the classical Runge-Kutta (RK-45) integration scheme. To fulfill the condition for light-like geodesic we check the null condition at each step of the integration. In order to minimise deviations from the null condition, we choose small values of $10^{-10}$ and $10^{-12}$ for the relative and absolute tolerance of the integrator, respectively.
\subsubsection{Weak gravitational lensing}\label{ray_alg1}
The statistical behaviors of gravitational lensing have been extensively studied by many researchers \citep{Schneider1988, Paczynski1989, Futamase1989, Lee1990, Holz1998, Killedar2012}. \cite{Watanabe1990} solved the relativistic optical equations to obtain the realistic distance-redshift relation in an inhomogeneous universe and observed that the influence of shear along the line-of-sight is modest when the scale of inhomogeneities is larger than the galactic scale. Recently, \citet{Adamek2019} also solved the relativistic optical equations and analysed the bias of the Hubble diagram from cosmological LSS. By using a Newtonian N-body simulation, \citet{Tomita1998} numerically integrate the null geodesic equations and observed that the different cosmologies have different angular diameter distances. \citet{Killedar2012} developed a three-dimensional ray-tracing algorithm by solving null geodesic equations and analysed the probability distribution function (PDF) of weak-lensing magnification and shear due to the mass distribution of source redshift of $z_s = 0.5$. By using a statistical method, \citet{Kaiser1992} and \citet{Jain1997} proposed a new measurement of the two-point correlation function and power spectrum due to the weak gravitational lensing of distant galaxies. To investigate the weak-lensing convergence and shear, \citet{Jain2000} developed a ray-tracing algorithm by considering ray shooting methods (RSM). Their algorithm follows the multiple-lens-plane method and found that the PDF and power spectrum of convergence are sensitive to the matter density. \citet{Hamana2000} also considered the multiple-lens-plane method and analysed the effect of weak-lensing magnification bias on the luminosity function of high-redshift quasars. The following is a list of the numerous methodologies that have been suggested for assessing cosmic properties:
\begin{itemize}
\item optical scalar methods: by solving optical scalar equations \citep{Kantowski1969, Dyer1974, Watanabe1990, Nakamura1997, Hamana1999, Adamek2019}.
\item null geodesic methods: by integrating null geodesic equations backward from the observer to the sources where the weak perturbations are generated from $N$-body simulations \citep{Tomita1998, Killedar2012, Lepori2020}.
\item statistical methods: measurements of the correlation function for ellipticity, and the corresponding angular power spectrum \citep{Blandford1991, Kaiser1992, Jain1997, Metcalf1999}.
\item multiple-lens-plane methods: by considering a finite number of planes normal to light rays between an observer and a source, most commonly ray shooting methods \citep[RSM][]{Schneider1988, Paczynski1989, Lee1990, Jaroszynski1990, Hamana2000, Jain2000}.
\end{itemize}
There are different methods that are available to investigate weak-lensing statistics. In this paper we adopted the ray bundle method \citep[RBM][]{Fluke1999, Fluke2002, Fluke2011}. This method is similar to the RSM, but the methodology is preferred by other backward-ray-tracing codes \citep{Jain2000, Premadi2001} instead of using grid-based techniques to measure weak-lensing statistics around the source plane. For a pedagogical comparison between RBM and RSM for weak-lensing magnification, we refer the reader to Fig. 6 of \citet{Fluke1999}.
The RBM considers bundle of light rays instead of a single light ray and each bundle consists of eight light rays with a central light ray \citep{Fluke1999, Fluke2002}. The advantage of using a bundle of light rays rather than a single light ray is that our algorithm can calculate both magnification and shear signals while other methods use a different technique to compute the shear signal. From the deformation of the shape of the bundle, we can calculate the weak-lensing statistical quantities i.e. convergence, shear, and magnification. In this work, a ray-tracing algorithm is developed that relies on the design of the RBM, and the photon path can be obtained by integrating a set of null geodesic equations backward from observer to source.
In our ray-tracing algorithm, instead of projecting a single photon (as RSM does), we have projected a bundle of photons (consisting of a central null geodesic surrounded by eight null geodesics) having a circular shape. As photon travels larger distances throughout the mass distribution of LSS in the universe, the circular shape of the bundle will be distorted because of the magnification (magnified or de-magnified) and shear (stretching along an axis). As we are integrating backward from observer to source the magnification ($\mu$) and shear($\gamma$) can be calculated as
\begin{eqnarray}\label{mu_eq}
\mu = \frac{A_s}{A_i} \quad \& \quad \gamma = \frac{b-a}{b+a},
\end{eqnarray}
\noindent where $A_s$ represents the area of the source, $A_i$ is the area of the image, a \& b are the semi-major and semi-minor axes of an ellipse, respectively. From the magnification and shear information, we can calculate the weak-lensing convergence ($\kappa$) by re-writing Eqn. \ref{mag} as
\begin{eqnarray}\label{kappa_eq}
\kappa = 1 - \sqrt{\frac{1}{\mu} + \gamma^2}.
\end{eqnarray}
To avoid considering a large simulation box (which is computationally time-consuming), we take the comoving length of our simulation box to be $320~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. At first we save the scalar potentials and particle snapshots for different redshift by running the \texttt{gevolution} simulation (ensuring that the comoving length of each box to be $320~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$). When a photon reaches the edge of the box then we read another snapshot at the corresponding redshift having the same comoving length and take the trilinear interpolation scheme to calculate the value of the potential (as we use periodic boundary conditions for the \texttt{gevolution} simulation) so that at each step of the integration it will update the Christoffel symbols. Note that as the photon passes from box to box, the final direction of the exiting photon is the same as the initial direction of the entering photon, ensuring that the path of photon between the observer and the source is consistent. Note that the ray-tracing algorithm we developed can project the bundle of light rays from any position of our simulation box. For more details about our ray-tracing algorithm we refer the reader to our companion paper \citep{Ema2021}.
To compute the weak-lensing statistics by stacking cosmic voids and halos, we follow the following steps:
\begin{enumerate}[i]
\item at first we run 21 gevolution simulations (having identical cosmological parameter settings, but use a different random seeds) by changing the initial conditions to get the particle snapshots, and then by using \texttt{ROCKSTAR} and \texttt{Pylians} we find out the necessary information of the halos and voids at redshift $z= 0.22$;
\item the choice of 21 of snapshots was motivated by the need to simulate approximately the volume of $\left( 900~h^{-1} {\rm Mpc} \right)^3$, i.e. equivalent of the volume of a slice between $z=0.2$ and $z= 0.25$ (as this is more relevant for the Doppler lensing than for gravitational lensing we comment on it in the next subsection);
\item we keep the observer fix at $z=0$, and by slightly varying the projection angles we project bundles of photons in the directions of pre-selected cosmic structures;
\item
the structures are selected as follows: for voids we consider:
three different ranges of radii: $5~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 15~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$, $15~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 25~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ and $25~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 35~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$), and for halos three different ranges of masses: $ M_{{\rm halo}} < 10^{12.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$, $10^{12.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot \leq M_{{\rm halo}} < 10^{13.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$ and $M_{{\rm halo}} \geq 10^{13.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$);
\item for each category of void radii and halo masses, we only select 100 objects (i.e. voids/halos). For each object void/halo, we solve 10000 bundles of geodesics, which is sufficient to obtain a clear signal and minimises time and memory issues with a larger number of object;
\item when the light bundle exits the simulation box it enters it on the other side. Due to small angular scales of observed structures (i.e. we investigate lensing of particular structures rather than the cosmological signal of lensing power spectrum), low redshift, and the fact that bundles are shot at an angle to the side of the box, the bundles do not encounter the same structures on their way to the observed voids/halos (i.e. it only takes 4 boxes to reach $z=0.44$ and 6 to reach $z = 0.6)$;
\item we keep our observer fix at the centre of our simulation box and determine the normal vectors from the observer's location to each projection direction using the Euler-Rodrigues formula. Each of these normal vectors corresponds to the initial direction of a particular ray bundle;
\item from the solution of the geodesics we get the positions of the bundles of photons for each integration step and to fit it into an ellipse we use an ellipse fitting algorithm to compute the area, semi-major and semi-minor axes of an ellipse;
\item then we compute the magnification from the ratio of the area of the final shape of the bundle to the area of the initial shape of the bundle since we integrate backward from the observer to the sources;
\item from the information of the semi-major and semi-minor axes of an ellipse, we compute the shear by using Eqn. \ref{mu_eq} and then we compute the weak-lensing convergence by using Eqn. \ref{kappa_eq};
\item finally, we stack weak-lensing magnification and shear for voids having different ranges of radii (100 voids for each radius range) and halos having different ranges of masses (100 halos for each mass range), the results are presented in Figs. \ref{fig3} and \ref{fig4}.
\end{enumerate}
\begin{table*}
\begin{center}
\caption{Details of the number of halos and voids from 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at redshift $z=0.22$. The information of voids and halos are extracted from the publicly available codes \texttt{Pylians} and \texttt{ROCKSTAR}, respectively.}
\label{tab:all_void_halo}
\begin{tabular}{cccccc
\hline
Halo mass [$h^{-1}M_{\odot}$] & No. of halos & Void radius [$h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$] & No. of voids\\ \hline\hline
$ M_{{\rm halo}} < 10^{12.5}$ & 376233 & $5 \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 15$ & 109466 \\
$10^{12.5} \leq M_{{\rm halo}} < 10^{13.5}$ & 250362 & $15 \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 25$ & 3683\\
$M_{{\rm halo}} \geq 10^{13.5}$ & 25358 & $25 \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 35$ & 667\\
\hline
\end{tabular}
\end{center}
\end{table*}
\subsubsection{Doppler lensing algorithm}
To calculate the Doppler convergence, we solve Eqn. \ref{eqn:Dop} and analyse the statistical properties by stacking cosmic voids and halos. We follow the following steps to compute the Doppler convergence:
\begin{enumerate}[i]
\item
by changing the initial conditions we initially run 21 \texttt{gevolution} simulations (having identical cosmological parameter settings, but use a different random seeds) and then from the particle snapshots of \texttt{gevolution} simulations we find out the necessary information about the halos and voids at redshift $z= 0.22$ by using \texttt{ROCKSTAR} and \texttt{Pylians} (these are the same simulations as for the weak-lensing analysis);
\item the choice of 21 of snapshots was motivated by the need to simulate the volume of a slice between $z=0.2$ and $z= 0.25$. This is important for obtaining an unbias Doppler lensing signal for cosmic voids: the Doppler lensing is generated by peculiar velocities of observed galaxies, thus a minimal number of galaxies per an observed structure is required. For galaxy clusters this is not an issue (i.e. plenty of galaxies within large halos), however for voids this possesses challenges, especially for small voids where there can be no galaxies inside. For this reason we focus on voids having radii $20-25$ Mpc$/h$ (as the number of halos inside the voids is very few for smaller voids so we consider a moderate range of void radius) at redshift $z=0.22$ and identify halos within these voids as well as halos beyond the radius of the associated voids (we find 1433 such voids);
\item then we compute the distances from the centre of the cluster/void to the centre of the observed halo;
\item we perform the dot product between the normalised velocities ($\bm{v}/c$) of the halos associated with clusters/voids and the direction vectors ($\bm{n}$) between the observer and the observed halos (cf. Fig. \ref{figDLV});
\item then we multiply the rest of the parts of Eqn. \ref{eqn:Dop} with the result of the dot product and calculate the value of Doppler convergence;
\item we stack Doppler convergence value for voids having radii $20-25$ Mpc$/h$, and using the same procedure we also computed the Doppler convergence by stacking halos;
\item finally, when presenting results (cf. Figs. \ref{fig5} -- \ref{fig8}) we scale the radius by a factor of $\cos\Theta$.
Formally, speaking one would expect to see a plot of the Doppler convergence as a function of velocity (cf. eq. \ref{eqn:Dop}), i.e. $ \kappa_v \sim \bm{v} \cdot \bm{n} \sim {v} \cos\Theta.$
However, when presenting the results of the Doppler convergence, instead of ${v}$ we use $R$. The motivation is as follows: for a top-hat void the gravitational potential is quadratic, hence $ \phi \sim R^2~~ \Rightarrow~~ v \sim \nabla \phi \sim R,$
i.e. velocity $v$ is linearly proportional to $R$. For more realistic voids, this is no longer true, but it provides a useful way of presenting results, i.e. as a function of distance from the center of the void (which makes it more comparable with results of the gravitational lensing). The other alternative would be to remove the factor of
$\cos\Theta$ from the observed convergence by dividing the observed convergence the factor of $\cos\Theta$ (i.e. $\kappa_{v}/ \cos\Theta$), this however would lead to problems with $\cos\Theta \approx 0$, and thus we do not re-scale the convergence by $1/\cos\Theta$ by instead we re-scale the radius. Consequently, Figs. \ref{fig5} -- \ref{fig8} present the results as $\kappa_v \sim R\cos\Theta $.
\end{enumerate}
It is important to mention here that we develop the Doppler lensing algorithm that computes the Doppler convergence by considering fully three-dimensional (3D) signal stacking as a function of the radius of cosmic structures. Due to the consideration of 3D stacking, the smaller void consists of very few galaxies (or even completely empty) as compared to the larger void. Thus, even if the number of smaller voids
are larger (cf. Fig. \ref{new_fig}), larger voids offer more halos per void.
\begin{figure}
\hspace{-0.3cm}
\centering
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_void-dl-theta.png}
\caption{Schematic representation of the Doppler lensing observation for voids.
}
\label{figDLV}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}
\hspace{-0.3cm}
\centering
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_surface_halo5.pdf}
\caption{Variation of the weak-lensing statistical quantities as a function of the impact parameter (the distances from the centre of the halos to the centre of bundles of photons). The top panel shows the projected surface mass density (proportional to the weak-lensing magnification) as a function of the impact parameter for clustering masses of the halos. The different colour dots indicate the different ranges of masses of the halos and the error bars represent the $1\sigma$ for each bin. The bottom panel shows the differential projected surface mass density (proportional to the weak-lensing shear) as a function of the impact parameter for clustering masses of the halos. We artificially shift the last two categories of halo masses bins to improve the visual clarity.
}
\label{fig3}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}
\hspace{-0.3cm}
\centering
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_surface_void7.pdf}
\caption{Variation of the weak-lensing statistical quantities as a function of the impact parameter (the distances from the centre of the voids to the centre of bundles of photons) normalise by the respective void radius. The top panel shows the projected surface mass density as a function of the impact parameter for clustering radii of the voids. The different colour dots indicate the different ranges of radii of the voids and the error bars represent the $1\sigma$ for each bin. The bottom panel shows the differential projected surface mass density as a function of the impact parameter for clustering radii of the voids. We artificially shift the last two categories of void radii bins to improve the visual clarity.
}
\label{fig4}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[width=2\columnwidth]{Figures/R_doppler_void_latest3.png}
\caption{Doppler convergence by stacking 1433 voids having radii $20-25 ~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$ at $z = 0.22$. The top left figure shows the average Doppler convergence for a certain range of binned value of $R/R_{{\rm void}}$ $\cos \Theta$ with $1\sigma$ error bar (blue shaded region). The bottom left panel of the figure shows the Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm void}}$ $\cos \Theta$. The colour bar indicates the dot product between the velocity of the galaxies inside the voids and the directions of photon propagation. In the colour bar, the value of $\bm v/c\cdot\bm n > 0$ ($\bm v/c\cdot\bm n < 0$) indicates that the object travel towards (away) from us. The blue line is the best fit line of the data. The right panel of the figure shows the Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm void}}$. The colour bar indicates the magnitude of the velocities of the galaxies inside the voids.}
\label{fig5}
\end{figure*}
\begin{figure*}
\centering
\includegraphics[width=2\columnwidth]{Figures/R_doppler_halo_latest4.png}
\caption{Doppler convergence by stacking halos at $z=0.22$. The top left figure shows the average Doppler convergence for a certain range of binned value of $R/R_{{\rm halo}}$ $\cos \Theta$ with $1\sigma$ error bar (blue shaded region). The bottom left panel of the figure shows the Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm halo}}$ $\cos \Theta$. The colour bar indicates the dot product between the velocity of the centre of the galaxies to the other galaxies and the directions of photon propagation. In the colour bar, the value of $\bm v/c\cdot\bm n > 0$ ($\bm v/c\cdot\bm n < 0$) indicates that the object travel towards (away) from us. The blue line is the best fit line of the data. The right panel of the figure shows the Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm halo}}$. The colour bar indicates the magnitude of the velocities of the galaxies. }
\label{fig6}
\end{figure*}
\section{RESULTS AND ANALYSIS}\label{res}
To describe the results obtained from this work, at first we will discuss the weak-lensing with stacked clusters and voids, and then discuss the Doppler lensing with stacked clusters and voids. We will also discuss the comparison between Doppler lensing convergence and weak-lensing convergence.
\subsection{Weak-lensing with stacked clusters and voids}
How is the weak-lensing signal impacted by the different masses of the halos? To find out the answer we stacked the weak-lensing signal for clusters with various masses. We projected bundles of photons in the directions of halos with different masses and computed the weak-lensing convergence, shear and magnification by using our ray-tracing algorithm that we described in Section \ref{ray_alg}. For each mass range of the halo, we projected bundles of lights in the directions of galaxy cluster by slightly varying the projection angle and stacked 100 galaxy clusters to analyse the statistical property of the weak-lensing statistics. Then by using Eqn. \ref{eq:proj} we computed the projected surface mass density (which is proportional to the convergence) and differential surface mass density (which is proportional to the shear). Table \ref{tab:all_void_halo} lists the number of voids and halos from 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at redshift $z=0.22$.
In Fig. \ref{fig3}, the top panel shows the variation of the convergence as a function of impact parameter (the distance from the centre of the halos to the centre of the bundles of photons). The numerical result of the weak-lensing magnification is higher near the centre of the halos while it gradually decreases with the increase of impact parameter.
As expected the weak-lensing magnification is slightly higher when the bundle of light passes near the massive halos than the less massive halos.
The variation of the weak-lensing tangential shear as a function of impact parameter is depicted in the bottom panel of Fig. \ref{fig3}. Similar to weak-lensing magnification we observed that the value of the tangential shear is maximum near the centre of the halos and gradually decreases when the distance from the centre of the halo to the centre of the bundle increases. We also observed that the characteristic plot of the tangential shear is opposite to that of the weak-lensing magnification, with smaller halos having a slightly higher amplitude. As we have considered the absolute magnitude value of the shear so the characteristics, what we observed for shear, are exactly opposite that we observed for weak-lensing magnification. Our result is also consistent with the result of \cite{Schmidt2012} (cf. their Fig. 4) where they have considered the effects of galaxy sizes and magnitudes on the measurement of weak-lensing magnification.
\begin{table}
\begin{center}
\begin{tabular}{@{}llcccc@{}}
\toprule
& Void radius [$h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$] & \multicolumn{1}{l}{No. of voids} & \multicolumn{1}{l}{No. of halos} & Halos per void \\ \midrule
& $20-25$ & 1433 & 9895 & 7 \\
& $25-30$ & 547 & 7581 & 14 \\
& $30-35$ & 227 & 6051 & 27 \\
\bottomrule
\end{tabular}
\caption{Doppler lensing with stacked voids: number of voids in each radial bin from 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at redshift $z=0.22$. The information of voids and halos are extracted from the publicly available codes \texttt{Pylians} and \texttt{ROCKSTAR}, respectively. The third column shows the number of halos inside the corresponding number of voids and the fourth column shows the average number of halos per void.}
\label{table:dop_tab}
\end{center}
\end{table}
The projected surface mass density and differential surface mass density for voids with different radii are depicted in Fig. \ref{fig4}. The value of the magnification and shear is negative inside voids due to the low-density distribution.
The key difference between the gravitational lensing with stack clusters and the gravitational lensing with stack voids is the relative difference between the convergence signal and shear signal. For clusters, the projected mass density ($\Sigma$ which is proportional to lensing convergence) and differential surface mass density ($\Delta \Sigma$ which is proportional to shear) are of the order of $100 M_\odot pc^{-2}$. For voids the convergence is small ($\Sigma \sim 1 M_\odot pc^{-2}$) is even smaller but the shear ($\Delta \Sigma \sim 0.1 M_\odot pc^{-2}$). Still, as seen from Figs. \ref{fig3} and \ref{fig4} 100 objects will suffice to detect a weak-lensing signal. This should be contrasted with the results of the next section where the detection of the Doppler lensing at this redshift requires a factor of 10 large number of objects ($\sim 1000$).
Finally, it is also apparent from Fig. \ref{fig4} that a void finding algorithm overestimates the apparent size of a void (i.e. a void is approximated with a sphere and the radius of a sphere is treated as $R_{void}$). The apparent edge of the void (i.e. as observed on the sky) coincides with the maximum of the convergence and minimum of the shear, which as seen in Fig. \ref{fig4} is approximately at $R/R_{void} \approx 0.6-0.7$.
Thus, the actual size of the void (as inferred from the shape of the lensing signal) does not coincide with the value of the `radius' produced by the implemented void-finder.
While more robust void finding algorithms \citep{Nadathur2015a, Nadathur2015b, Sutter2015} does not suffer such a problem, it needs to be noted that the nominal value of the radius of the void does not affect the discussed result. The ray-tracing algorithm is not sensitive to such a scaling (it is only affected by the matter distribution along the line of sight, not by any artificial definition of the radius of a void).
\subsection{Doppler lensing with stacked voids and halos}\label{res:Dop}
Here we will discuss some results of Doppler lensing and how it differs from the standard weak gravitational lensing effect. Figure \ref{fig5} shows the variation of Doppler convergence by stacking 1433 voids having radii $20-25 ~h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. The top left of Fig. \ref{fig5} shows the mean Doppler convergence (blue dots) for certain ranges of distance bins and the blue shaded region shows the $1\sigma$ variation of data. The bottom left figure shows the Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm void}}$ $\cos \Theta$, the blue line is the best fit line of the Doppler convergence data, and the colour bar indicates the dot product of the velocities of the galaxies (normalised by the speed of light) and the propagation directions of the photons. The value $\bm v/c \cdot\bm n > 0$ ($\bm v/c \cdot\bm n < 0$) in the colour bar indicates that the object travel towards (away) from us. The `+ve' (`-ve') sign of the value of Doppler convergence implies that at their observed redshift they are smaller and dimmer (larger and brighter) than typical objects \citep{Bolejko2013, Bacon2014}.
We emphasise that $\bm v$ is a $3D$ vector and hence the stacking of the Doppler lensing signal is a full 3D stacking.
From Fig. \ref{fig5} it is apparent that the value of Doppler convergence due to underlying matter distributions in the void increases as the distance between the center of the void and the galaxies within the void increases, similar to standard weak-lensing statistical quantities. It is also clear that the observer could measure the magnified image of the source at the edge of the void for Doppler lensing analysis in comparison to the result of standard weak-lensing statistics. The reason for the higher Doppler convergence value at the void's edge is that the velocity distribution (since the Doppler convergence is proportional to the velocity of the source galaxies) is higher there than in the centre and the right side of Fig. \ref{fig5} indirectly supports the validation of the statement where the variation of Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm void}}$ is depicted. Another reason for getting higher Doppler convergence value at the void's edge is higher particle density distribution there than in the centre, and the right side of Fig. \ref{fig5} implicitly supports the validation of the argument (as most of the galaxies inside the voids are situated near the edge of the voids than the centre) and the colour bar indicates the velocities of the galaxies inside the voids.
A similar figure but for stacking halo analysis is depicted in Fig. \ref{fig6}. It is found that the Doppler convergence properties by stacking halos are very close to that of standard weak gravitational lensing. Since the halos have a smaller radius as compare to voids so we consider the effect of the galaxies more than twice the radius of the halos from its centre to compute the Doppler convergence.
Table \ref{table:dop_tab} lists the number of voids and the associated halos from 21 realisations of \texttt{gevolution} simulations for different ranges of radii of voids at redshift $z=0.22$. Figure \ref{fig7} shows the variation of Doppler convergence as a function of $R/R_{{\rm void}}$ $\cos \Theta$ by stacking voids having different ranges of void radii (void radii: see Table \ref{table:dop_tab}). To generate Fig. \ref{fig7}, we have considered all the voids for the respective ranges of void radii and obtained the Doppler lensing signal by stacking voids. It is found that Doppler convergence for different ranges of radii of voids is higher at the void edges and the observer could also measure the magnified image of the source for voids with larger radii than the smaller ones. Because, the number of galaxies in larger voids is greater than in smaller voids, and the velocity distribution and density distribution of galaxies are higher at the void's edge.
Finally, Fig. \ref{fig8} shows the variation of the weak-lensing convergence and Doppler convergence as a function of impact parameter by stacking voids. To compare the weak-lensing and Doppler lensing statistics as a function of redshift, we have projected the bundles of photons in the direction of the centres of the halos and stacked them to analyse the statistical properties of both lensings. A comparison for Doppler lensing convergence and weak-lensing convergence as a function of redshift by stacking halos is depicted in Fig. \ref{fig9}. We have stacked weak-lensing and Doppler lensing signals by taking halos for different snapshots of \texttt{gevolution} simulations at different redshifts. The shaded regions (blue and green) indicate 1$\sigma$ variation for each redshift bin of the data. At lower redshift, the convergence value due to Doppler lensing dominates over the standard weak gravitational lensing, whereas at higher redshift, the convergence value due to Doppler lensing drops (since the factor in brackets in Eqn. \ref{eqn:Dop} decreases in amplitude) while the convergence value due to weak-lensing increases. Our result is also compatible with the findings of \cite{Bolejko2013} and \cite{Bacon2014}.
\begin{figure}
\centering
\noindent
\resizebox{\columnwidth}{!}{
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_dop_compare2.pdf}
}
\caption{Variation of the Doppler convergence as a function of the impact parameter for clustering radii of voids. The positive (negative) value of Doppler convergence indicates the object moving towards us (away from us). The different colour dots indicate the different ranges of radii of the voids and the error bars represent the statistical error for each bin. We artificially shift the last two categories of void radii bins to improve the visual clarity.}
\label{fig7}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}
\centering
\noindent
\resizebox{\columnwidth}{!}{
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_weak_dop_void5.pdf}
}
\caption{Variation of the weak-lensing convergence and Doppler convergence as a function of the impact parameter by stacking voids having radii $20 h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc} \leq R_{{\rm void}} < 25 h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$.}
\label{fig8}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}
\centering
\noindent
\resizebox{\columnwidth}{!}{
\includegraphics[width=\columnwidth]{Figures/R_wl_dop_latest2.pdf}
}
\caption{A comparison between Doppler lensing convergence and the weak-lensing convergence (both for stacking halo analysis) as a function of redshift. For weak-lensing analysis, we have considered 100 halos having mass $M_{halo} > 10^{13.5}~h^{-1}M_\odot$. For Doppler lensing analysis, we have considered all of the halos having similar mass range but radius $R_{halo} > 1~ h^{-1}\mathrm{Mpc}$. The blue dots represent the mean Doppler convergence and the green dots represent the mean weak-lensing convergence. The shaded regions indicate 1$\sigma$ variation of the statistical error for each bin.}
\label{fig9}
\end{figure}
\section{Conclusions and Outlook}\label{conclusion}
This paper has numerically investigated signatures of weak gravitational lensing and Doppler lensing within relativistic $N$-body simulations.
We used the code \texttt{gevolution} to produce snapshots both in terms of particle distribution as well as relativistic gravitational potentials.
The novelty of this paper is that we implemented the RBM to integrate the null geodesics backward from the observer to the sources to obtain the path of the photon.
Although the RBM has been implemented in the past within $N$-body simulations, it is the first time it has been implemented in relativistic simulations. In addition, we also implemented the Doppler lensing method into our analysis.
In our analysis, we considered various categories of halos and voids
and utilized information from statistical quantities such as convergence, shear, and magnification. For halos, we considered three categories of halo masses and stacked them to extract the cosmological information from weak-lensing and Doppler lensing analysis.
For voids, we considered three categories of void radii and stacked them to extract the cosmological information from weak-lensing and Doppler lensing analysis.
The results for halos for the gravitational lensing were as expected: the weak-lensing magnification and shear are higher near the centre of the halos while it gradually decreases with the increase of impact parameter. We also observed a slight variation of the measurement of weak-lensing magnification and shear for different categories of halo masses.
For voids, we observed the amplitude of the convergence to be the largest at the centre while the shear was the highest near the edge of voids.
Qualitatively, such an outcome is not novel as it was predicted by other methods, but the importance of the results presented in this paper is that the analysis was done based on relativistic simulations rather than relied on Newtonian $N$-body simulations or perturbative methods.
The most important result of this paper was the analysis of Doppler lensing.
We examined the Doppler lensing statistics for stacked halos and voids.
For halos, we showed that the characteristic results of Doppler convergence by stacking halos are very close to that of standard weak gravitational lensing. Since the Doppler lensing is sourced by peculiar velocities, the Doppler lensing signal averages out near the center of halo. It is only at the outskirts of these halos when a slight trend can be observed, cf. Fig. \ref{fig5}. We speculate that this effect could in principle affect type Ia Supernovae and could potentially lead to a weak correlation between the cosmological environment of a host galaxy and the peak magnitude of the observed supernova, in a similar way as one observes a weak correlation between the peak magnitude and the mass of a host galaxy \citep{Sullivan2010}. Similarly, the investigation of the Doppler lensing signal produced by cosmic voids rendered interesting results. The most important one was related to difficulties in extracting the Doppler lensing signal produced by cosmic voids.
The distinct difference between gravitational lensing and Doppler lensing is the origin of the signal. For gravitational lensing, an observed galaxy is far beyond the lens that produces the gravitational lensing signal. Thus, for gravitational lensing, the precise location of an observed galaxy is less relevant and hence one can always find a suitable number of objects behind the lens to measure and analyse the gravitational lensing signal. For the Doppler lensing signal, however, the source is at the "lens". While for clusters there are ample galaxies, for voids this causes potential problems with detectability.
Since there is a very little number of galaxies inside voids, we had to consider voids with a radius between 20 and 25 $h^{-1}$ Mpc. To detect a sufficient number of such voids one requires large volumes. However, larger volumes imply larger redshifts, which in turn leads to a lower amplitude of the Doppler lensing. As the amplitude of the Doppler lensing decreases with redshift, rather than increases as it is the case of the gravitational lensing, we had to settle with the redshift of around $z=0.2$ (to be precise $z =0.22$).
In our studies, we found that we required more than 1000 voids to obtained a stacked signal that could in principle be measured.
For this we had to simulate the volume of approximately ($900~h^{-1}$ Mpc)$^3$, and within this volume we identified the total number of 1433 voids with a radius between 20 and 25 $h^{-1}$ Mpc.
The considered volume corresponds to a volume between redshift slice of $z=0.2$ and $z=0.25$.
By stacking 1433 voids, we showed how galaxies inside these voids are distributed and concluded that the majority of galaxies within the voids are closer to the edges than the centres. We demonstrated that Doppler lensing predicts that the observer could see the magnified picture of the source at the void's edge, despite the fact that the standard weak-lensing fails to predict. In this work, we have also demonstrated the comparison between standard weak gravitational lensing and Doppler lensing. For structures (i.e. "lenses") at lower redshifts, the convergence is dominated by the Doppler lensing, whereas if the lens is at high redshift the convergence is dominated by the gravitational lensing.
The results of this paper also indicate that while the optimal redshift for measuring the Doppler lensing on voids is approximately $z=0.2$,
the most optimal survey strategy (targeting the same structures and taking use of both Doppler lensing and gravitational lensing) should focus on redshift around $z_{lens} \approx 0.3-0.4$.
At this redshift range there is a sufficient number of voids/halos to take advance to this new strategy based on both the weak gravitational lensing and Doppler lensing. The strategy would aim at targeting galaxies around the halos/voids ($z_{source} \approx 0.3-0.4$) with the aim to extract the Doppler lensing signal and background galaxies ($z_{source} \approx 0.6-0.8$) with the aim to extract the gravitational lensing signal. With the gravitational lensing the signal is mostly encoded in the amplitude and to some extent in the shape, cf. Figs. \ref{fig3} and \ref{fig4}; whereas with the Doppler lensing signal the signal can be extracted from the slope, cf. Figs. \ref{fig5} and \ref{fig6}.
Cosmic voids occupy approximately 70\% of our universe with very little content of baryonic matter. The scarcity of baryonic matter inside voids (which means very little contamination from complex baryonic astrophysics) makes the voids pristine environments, which are ideal to test properties of dark matter and the nature of gravity. Over the recent years, there has been a growing interest in investigation properties of cosmic voids \citep{Park2007, Bos2012, Pan2012, Krause2012, Sutter2012, Bolejko2013, Ceccarelli2013, Hamaus2014, Nadathur2014, Hamaus2015, Nadathur2016, Sanchez2016, Mao2017, Verza2019, Panchal2020, Li2020, Raghunathan2020}.
The results of this paper should be treated as a proof-of-concept that investigated and showed the possibility of using the Doppler lensing in conjunction with the gravitational lensing to map the matter distribution inside cosmic voids.
The results presented here are relevant to ongoing and future low-redshift spectroscopic surveys such as, for example, the DESI Bright Galaxy survey \citep{Ruiz-Macias2020, Zarrouk2021}. Even though DESI is not a lensing survey, it will provide spectroscopic data that will be used for Doppler lensing, which will be utilised in conjunction with gravitational lensing, and other methods in order to better map the underlying matter distribution within cosmic voids.
In our future works, we will combine the standard weak gravitational lensing and Doppler lensing signals to extract the DM profiles, and also consider the higher-order statistics i.e. angular power spectrum, bi-spectrum, etc. due to underlying matter distributions in and around the cosmic voids/halos at higher redshift. In addition, the covariance effects on the joint measurement of the Doppler lensing statistics using halos and voids, and the constraints of cosmological parameters due to these lensing effects would be interesting and we left it for our future works.
\section*{Acknowledgements}
The authors would like to thank Julian Adamak for his discussions during the early stages of this work, and Florian List for his reading and comments on this paper. We further acknowledge the use of Artemis at The University of Sydney for providing HPC resources that have contributed to the research results reported within this paper. The authors thank the \texttt{gevolution} team for making the code publicly available, and the anonymous referee for providing useful remarks that contributed to the final form of this paper.
MRH is supported by the Australian Government Research Training Program (RTP) Scholarships.
MRH would like to thank Lawrence Dam for his discussions during this work.
KB acknowledges support from the Australian Research Council through the Future Fellowship FT140101270. This research work made use of the free Python packages \texttt{numpy} \citep{Harris2020}, \texttt{matplotlib} \citep{Hunter2007}, \texttt{h5py}\footnote{\orange{https://www.h5py.org/}}, \texttt{eqtools}\footnote{\orange{https://eqtools.readthedocs.io/en/latest/}}, and \texttt{mpi4py} \citep{Dalcin2005}.
\section*{DATA AVAILABILITY}
The data generated as part of this project may be shared with the corresponding author upon reasonable request.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 9,853 |
Q: How do I add a legend to a gantt chart? I'm using the pgfgantt package to draw a gantt chart and I am using different fill patterns for different task types (fill patterns for the task bars, that is). It works nicely! But I would like to add a legend to tell the reader which pattern stands for which kind of task.
I do believe that this is not possible from inside pgfgantt, but perhaps there are other ways of adding it?
A: I think I don't understand the question but you can add what you want inside the gantt environment. Here I added a node but you need to use current bounding box to place an object around or inside the tikzpicture.
\documentclass{article}
\usepackage{pgfgantt}
\begin{document}
\begin{figure}[ftbp]
\begin{center}
\begin{ganttchart}[y unit title=0.4cm,
y unit chart=0.5cm,
vgrid,hgrid,
title label anchor/.style={below=-1.6ex},
title left shift=.05,
title right shift=-.05,
title height=1,
bar/.style={fill=gray!50},
incomplete/.style={fill=white},
progress label text={},
bar height=0.7,
group right shift=0,
group top shift=.6,
group height=.3,
group peaks={}{}{.2}]{24}
%labels
\gantttitle{Week}{24} \\
\gantttitle{Monday}{4}
\gantttitle{Tuesday}{4}
\gantttitle{Wednesday}{4}
\gantttitle{Thursday}{4}
\gantttitle{Friday}{4}
\gantttitle{Saturday}{4} \\
%tasks
\ganttbar{first task}{1}{2} \\
\ganttbar{task 2}{3}{8} \\
\ganttbar{task 3}{9}{10} \\
\ganttbar{task 4}{11}{15} \\
\ganttbar[progress=33]{task 5}{20}{22} \\
\ganttbar{task 6}{18}{19} \\
\ganttbar{task 7}{16}{18} \\
\ganttbar[progress=0]{task 8}{21}{24}
%relations
\ganttlink{elem0}{elem1}
\ganttlink{elem0}{elem3}
\ganttlink{elem1}{elem2}
\ganttlink{elem3}{elem4}
\ganttlink{elem1}{elem5}
\ganttlink{elem3}{elem5}
\ganttlink{elem2}{elem6}
\ganttlink{elem3}{elem6}
\ganttlink{elem5}{elem7}
\node[fill=white,draw] at ([yshift=-12pt]current bounding box.south){Box South};
\node[fill=white,draw,anchor=west] at (current bounding box.north east){Box North East};
\end{ganttchart}
\end{center}
\caption{Gantt Chart}
\end{figure}
\end{document}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 2,973 |
<?php
/** Franco-Provençal (arpetan)
*
* See MessagesQqq.php for message documentation incl. usage of parameters
* To improve a translation please visit http://translatewiki.net
*
* @ingroup Language
* @file
*
* @author Cedric31
* @author ChrisPtDe
* @author Reedy
* @author לערי ריינהארט
*/
$fallback = 'fr';
$bookstoreList = array(
'Amazon.fr' => 'http://www.amazon.fr/exec/obidos/ISBN=$1',
'alapage.fr' => 'http://www.alapage.com/mx/?tp=F&type=101&l_isbn=$1&donnee_appel=ALASQ&devise=&',
'fnac.com' => 'http://www3.fnac.com/advanced/book.do?isbn=$1',
'chapitre.com' => 'http://www.chapitre.com/frame_rec.asp?isbn=$1',
);
$namespaceNames = array(
NS_MEDIA => 'Mèdia',
NS_SPECIAL => 'Spèciâl',
NS_TALK => 'Discussion',
NS_USER => 'Utilisator',
NS_USER_TALK => 'Discussion_utilisator',
NS_PROJECT_TALK => 'Discussion_$1',
NS_FILE => 'Fichiér',
NS_FILE_TALK => 'Discussion_fichiér',
NS_MEDIAWIKI => 'MediaWiki',
NS_MEDIAWIKI_TALK => 'Discussion_MediaWiki',
NS_TEMPLATE => 'Modèlo',
NS_TEMPLATE_TALK => 'Discussion_modèlo',
NS_HELP => 'Éde',
NS_HELP_TALK => 'Discussion_éde',
NS_CATEGORY => 'Catègorie',
NS_CATEGORY_TALK => 'Discussion_catègorie',
);
$namespaceAliases = array(
'Discutar' => NS_TALK,
'Usanciér' => NS_USER,
'Discussion_usanciér' => NS_USER_TALK,
'Émâge' => NS_FILE,
'Discussion_Émâge' => NS_FILE_TALK,
'Discussion_Modèlo' => NS_TEMPLATE_TALK,
'Discussion_Éde' => NS_HELP_TALK,
'Discussion_Catègorie' => NS_CATEGORY_TALK
);
$specialPageAliases = array(
'Activeusers' => array( 'Usanciérs_actifs', 'UsanciérsActifs' ),
'Allmessages' => array( 'Mèssâjos_sistèmo', 'MèssâjosSistèmo' ),
'Allpages' => array( 'Totes_les_pâges', 'TotesLesPâges' ),
'Ancientpages' => array( 'Pâges_les_muens_dèrriérement_changiês', 'PâgesLesMuensDèrriérementChangiês' ),
'Blankpage' => array( 'Pâge_voueda', 'PâgeVoueda' ),
'Block' => array( 'Blocar', 'Blocâjo' ),
'Blockme' => array( 'Blocâd-mè', 'BlocâdMè' ),
'Booksources' => array( 'Ôvres_de_refèrence', 'ÔvresDeRefèrence' ),
'BrokenRedirects' => array( 'Redirèccions_câsses', 'RedirèccionsCâsses' ),
'Categories' => array( 'Catègories' ),
'ChangePassword' => array( 'Changement_de_contresegno', 'ChangementDeContresegno' ),
'Confirmemail' => array( 'Confirmar_l\'adrèce_èlèctronica', 'ConfirmarLAdrèceÈlèctronica' ),
'Contributions' => array( 'Contribucions' ),
'CreateAccount' => array( 'Fâre_un_compto', 'FâreUnCompto' ),
'Deadendpages' => array( 'Pâges_en_cul-de-sac', 'PâgesEnCulDeSac' ),
'DeletedContributions' => array( 'Contribucions_suprimâs', 'ContribucionsSuprimâs' ),
'Disambiguations' => array( 'Homonimia', 'Homonimies', 'Pâges_d\'homonimia', 'PâgesDHomonimia' ),
'DoubleRedirects' => array( 'Redirèccions_dobles', 'RedirèccionsDobles' ),
'Emailuser' => array( 'Mandar_un_mèssâjo', 'MandarUnMèssâjo', 'Mèssâjo' ),
'Export' => array( 'Èxportar', 'Èxportacion' ),
'Fewestrevisions' => array( 'Pâges_les_muens_changiês', 'PâgesLesMuensChangiês' ),
'FileDuplicateSearch' => array( 'Rechèrche_des_fichiérs_en_doblo', 'RechèrcheDesFichiérsEnDoblo' ),
'Filepath' => array( 'Chemin_d\'accès_du_fichiér', 'CheminDAccèsDuFichiér' ),
'Import' => array( 'Importar', 'Importacion' ),
'Invalidateemail' => array( 'Envalidar_l\'adrèce_èlèctronica', 'EnvalidarLAdrèceÈlèctronica' ),
'BlockList' => array( 'Lista_des_blocâjos', 'ListaDesBlocâjos', 'Blocâjos', 'Usanciérs_blocâs', 'UsanciérsBlocâs', 'Adrèces_IP_blocâs', 'AdrècesIPBlocâs' ),
'LinkSearch' => array( 'Rechèrche_de_lims', 'RechèrcheDeLims' ),
'Listadmins' => array( 'Lista_ux_administrators', 'ListaUxAdministrators' ),
'Listbots' => array( 'Lista_ux_bots', 'ListaUxBots' ),
'Listfiles' => array( 'Lista_des_fichiérs', 'ListaDesFichiérs', 'Lista_de_les_émâges', 'ListaDeLesÉmâges' ),
'Listgrouprights' => array( 'Lista_des_drêts_a_les_tropes_d\'usanciérs', 'ListaDesDrêtsALesTropesDUsanciérs' ),
'Listredirects' => array( 'Lista_de_les_redirèccions', 'ListaDeLesRedirèccions' ),
'Listusers' => array( 'Lista_ux_usanciérs', 'ListaUxUsanciérs', 'Usanciérs' ),
'Lockdb' => array( 'Vèrrolyér_la_bâsa_de_balyês', 'VèrrolyérLaBâsaDeBalyês' ),
'Log' => array( 'Jornal', 'Jornals' ),
'Lonelypages' => array( 'Pâges_orfenes', 'PâgesOrfenes' ),
'Longpages' => array( 'Pâges_longes', 'PâgesLonges' ),
'MergeHistory' => array( 'Fusionar_los_historicos', 'FusionarLosHistoricos' ),
'MIMEsearch' => array( 'Rechèrche_per_tipo_de_contegnu_MIME', 'RechèrchePerTipoDeContegnuMIME' ),
'Mostcategories' => array( 'Pâges_utilisent_lo_més_de_catègories', 'PâgesUtilisentLoMésDeCatègories' ),
'Mostimages' => array( 'Fichiérs_los_ples_liyês', 'FichiérsLosPlesLiyês', 'Fichiérs_los_ples_utilisâs', 'FichiérsLosPlesUtilisâs', 'Émâges_les_ples_liyês', 'ÉmâgesLesPlesLiyês', 'Émâges_les_ples_utilisâs', 'ÉmâgesLesPlesUtilisâs' ),
'Mostlinked' => array( 'Pâges_les_ples_liyês', 'PâgesLesPlesLiyês' ),
'Mostlinkedcategories' => array( 'Catègories_les_ples_liyês', 'CatègoriesLesPlesLiyês', 'Catègories_les_ples_utilisâs', 'CatègoriesLesPlesUtilisâs' ),
'Mostlinkedtemplates' => array( 'Modèlos_los_ples_liyês', 'ModèlosLosPlesLiyês', 'Modèlos_los_ples_utilisâs', 'ModèlosLosPlesUtilisâs' ),
'Mostrevisions' => array( 'Pâges_les_ples_changiês', 'PâgesLesPlesChangiês' ),
'Movepage' => array( 'Renomar_una_pâge', 'RenomarUnaPâge', 'Changement_de_nom', 'ChangementDeNom' ),
'Mycontributions' => array( 'Mes_contribucions', 'MesContribucions' ),
'Mypage' => array( 'Ma_pâge', 'MaPâge' ),
'Mytalk' => array( 'Mes_discussions', 'MesDiscussions' ),
'Newimages' => array( 'Novéls_fichiérs', 'NovélsFichiérs', 'Émâges_novèles', 'ÉmâgesNovèles' ),
'Newpages' => array( 'Pâges_novèles', 'PâgesNovèles' ),
'PermanentLink' => array( 'Lim_fixo', 'LimFixo' ),
'Popularpages' => array( 'Pâges_les_ples_consultâs', 'PâgesLesPlesConsultâs' ),
'Preferences' => array( 'Prèferences' ),
'Prefixindex' => array( 'Endèxe_des_prèfixos', 'EndèxeDesPrèfixos' ),
'Protectedpages' => array( 'Pâges_protègiês', 'PâgesProtègiês' ),
'Protectedtitles' => array( 'Titros_protègiês', 'TitrosProtègiês' ),
'Randompage' => array( 'Pâge_a_l\'hasârd', 'PâgeALHasârd' ),
'Randomredirect' => array( 'Redirèccion_a_l\'hasârd', 'RedirèccionALHasârd' ),
'Recentchanges' => array( 'Dèrriérs_changements', 'DèrriérsChangements' ),
'Recentchangeslinked' => array( 'Survelyence_des_lims', 'SurvelyenceDesLims' ),
'Revisiondelete' => array( 'Vèrsions_suprimâs', 'VèrsionsSuprimâs' ),
'Search' => array( 'Rechèrchiér', 'Rechèrche' ),
'Shortpages' => array( 'Pâges_côrtes', 'PâgesCôrtes' ),
'Specialpages' => array( 'Pâges_spèciâles', 'PâgesSpèciâles' ),
'Statistics' => array( 'Statistiques' ),
'Tags' => array( 'Balises' ),
'Uncategorizedcategories' => array( 'Catègories_sen_catègorie', 'CatègoriesSenCatègorie' ),
'Uncategorizedimages' => array( 'Fichiérs_sen_catègorie', 'FichiérsSenCatègorie', 'Émâges_sen_catègorie', 'ÉmâgesSenCatègorie' ),
'Uncategorizedpages' => array( 'Pâges_sen_catègorie', 'PâgesSenCatègorie' ),
'Uncategorizedtemplates' => array( 'Modèlos_sen_catègorie', 'ModèlosSenCatègorie' ),
'Undelete' => array( 'Refâre', 'Rèstoracion' ),
'Unlockdb' => array( 'Dèvèrrolyér_la_bâsa_de_balyês', 'DèvèrrolyérLaBâsaDeBalyês' ),
'Unusedcategories' => array( 'Catègories_inutilisâs', 'CatègoriesInutilisâs' ),
'Unusedimages' => array( 'Fichiérs_inutilisâs', 'FichiérsInutilisâs', 'Émâges_inutilisâs', 'ÉmâgesInutilisâs' ),
'Unusedtemplates' => array( 'Modèlos_inutilisâs', 'ModèlosInutilisâs' ),
'Unwatchedpages' => array( 'Pâges_pas_siuvues', 'PâgesPasSiuvues' ),
'Upload' => array( 'Tèlèchargiér', 'Tèlèchargement' ),
'Userlogin' => array( 'Branchiér', 'Branchement' ),
'Userlogout' => array( 'Dèbranchiér', 'Dèbranchement' ),
'Userrights' => array( 'Drêts_d\'usanciér', 'DrêtsDUsanciér' ),
'Version' => array( 'Vèrsion' ),
'Wantedcategories' => array( 'Catègories_les_ples_demandâs', 'CatègoriesLesPlesDemandâs' ),
'Wantedfiles' => array( 'Fichiérs_los_ples_demandâs', 'FichiérsLosPlesDemandâs' ),
'Wantedpages' => array( 'Pâges_les_ples_demandâs', 'PâgesLesPlesDemandâs', 'Lims_câssos', 'LimsCâssos' ),
'Wantedtemplates' => array( 'Modèlos_los_ples_demandâs', 'ModèlosLosPlesDemandâs' ),
'Watchlist' => array( 'Lista_de_survelyence', 'ListaDeSurvelyence', 'Survelyence' ),
'Whatlinkshere' => array( 'Pâges_liyês', 'PâgesLiyês' ),
'Withoutinterwiki' => array( 'Pâges_sen_lims_entèrlengoues', 'PâgesSenLimsEntèrlengoues', 'Pâges_sen_lims_entèrvouiqui', 'PâgesSenLimsEntèrvouiqui' ),
);
$magicWords = array(
'redirect' => array( '0', '#REDIRÈCCION', '#REDIRECTION', '#REDIRECT' ),
'notoc' => array( '0', '__NION_SOMÈRO__', '__NIONA_TRÂBLA__', '__AUCUNSOMMAIRE__', '__AUCUNETDM__', '__NOTOC__' ),
'nogallery' => array( '0', '__NIONA_GALERIE__', '__AUCUNEGALERIE__', '__NOGALLERY__' ),
'forcetoc' => array( '0', '__FORCIÉR_LO_SOMÈRO__', '__FORCIÉR_LA_TRÂBLA__', '__FORCERSOMMAIRE__', '__FORCERTDM__', '__FORCETOC__' ),
'toc' => array( '0', '__SOMÈRO__', '__TRÂBLA__', '__SOMMAIRE__', '__TDM__', '__TOC__' ),
'noeditsection' => array( '0', '__SÈCCION_QUE_PÔT_PAS_ÉTRE_CHANGIÊ__', '__SECTIONNONEDITABLE__', '__NOEDITSECTION__' ),
'currentmonth' => array( '1', 'MÊS_D_ORA', 'MÊS_D_ORA_2', 'MOISACTUEL', 'MOIS2ACTUEL', 'CURRENTMONTH', 'CURRENTMONTH2' ),
'currentmonth1' => array( '1', 'MÊS_D_ORA_1', 'MOIS1ACTUEL', 'CURRENTMONTH1' ),
'currentmonthname' => array( '1', 'NOM_DU_MÊS_D_ORA', 'NOMMOISACTUEL', 'CURRENTMONTHNAME' ),
'currentmonthnamegen' => array( '1', 'GÈNITIF_DU_NOM_DU_MÊS_D_ORA', 'NOMGENMOISACTUEL', 'CURRENTMONTHNAMEGEN' ),
'currentmonthabbrev' => array( '1', 'ABRÈV_DU_MÊS_D_ORA', 'ABREVMOISACTUEL', 'CURRENTMONTHABBREV' ),
'currentday' => array( '1', 'JORN_D_ORA', 'JOURACTUEL', 'JOUR1ACTUEL', 'CURRENTDAY' ),
'currentday2' => array( '1', 'JORN_D_ORA_2', 'JOUR2ACTUEL', 'CURRENTDAY2' ),
'currentdayname' => array( '1', 'NOM_DU_JORN_D_ORA', 'NOMJOURACTUEL', 'CURRENTDAYNAME' ),
'currentyear' => array( '1', 'AN_D_ORA', 'ANNEEACTUELLE', 'CURRENTYEAR' ),
'currenttime' => array( '1', 'HORÈRO_D_ORA', 'HORAIREACTUEL', 'CURRENTTIME' ),
'currenthour' => array( '1', 'HORA_D_ORA', 'HEUREACTUELLE', 'CURRENTHOUR' ),
'localmonth' => array( '1', 'MÊS_LOCAL', 'MÊS_LOCAL_2', 'MOISLOCAL', 'MOIS2LOCAL', 'LOCALMONTH', 'LOCALMONTH2' ),
'localmonth1' => array( '1', 'MÊS_LOCAL_1', 'MOIS1LOCAL', 'LOCALMONTH1' ),
'localmonthname' => array( '1', 'NOM_DU_MÊS_LOCAL', 'NOMMOISLOCAL', 'LOCALMONTHNAME' ),
'localmonthnamegen' => array( '1', 'GÈNITIF_DU_NOM_DU_MÊS_LOCAL', 'NOMGENMOISLOCAL', 'LOCALMONTHNAMEGEN' ),
'localmonthabbrev' => array( '1', 'ABRÈV_DU_MÊS_LOCAL', 'ABREVMOISLOCAL', 'LOCALMONTHABBREV' ),
'localday' => array( '1', 'JORN_LOCAL', 'JOURLOCAL', 'JOUR1LOCAL', 'LOCALDAY' ),
'localday2' => array( '1', 'JORN_LOCAL_2', 'JOUR2LOCAL', 'LOCALDAY2' ),
'localdayname' => array( '1', 'NOM_DU_JORN_LOCAL', 'NOMJOURLOCAL', 'LOCALDAYNAME' ),
'localyear' => array( '1', 'AN_LOCAL', 'ANNEELOCALE', 'LOCALYEAR' ),
'localtime' => array( '1', 'HORÈRO_LOCAL', 'HORAIRELOCAL', 'LOCALTIME' ),
'localhour' => array( '1', 'HORA_LOCALA', 'HEURELOCALE', 'LOCALHOUR' ),
'numberofpages' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_DE_PÂGES', 'NOMBREPAGES', 'NUMBEROFPAGES' ),
'numberofarticles' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_D_ARTICLLOS', 'NOMBREARTICLES', 'NUMBEROFARTICLES' ),
'numberoffiles' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_DE_FICHIÉRS', 'NOMBREFICHIERS', 'NUMBEROFFILES' ),
'numberofusers' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_D_USANCIÉRS', 'NOMBREUTILISATEURS', 'NUMBEROFUSERS' ),
'numberofactiveusers' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_D_USANCIÉRS_ACTIFS', 'NOMBREUTILISATEURSACTIFS', 'NUMBEROFACTIVEUSERS' ),
'numberofedits' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_DE_CHANGEMENTS', 'NOMBREMODIFS', 'NUMBEROFEDITS' ),
'numberofviews' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_DE_VUES', 'NOMBREVUES', 'NUMBEROFVIEWS' ),
'pagename' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE', 'NOMPAGE', 'PAGENAME' ),
'pagenamee' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_URL', 'NOMPAGEX', 'PAGENAMEE' ),
'namespace' => array( '1', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DE_NOMS', 'ESPACENOMMAGE', 'NAMESPACE' ),
'namespacee' => array( '1', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DE_NOMS_URL', 'ESPACENOMMAGEX', 'NAMESPACEE' ),
'talkspace' => array( '1', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DE_DISCUSSION', 'ESPACEDISCUSSION', 'TALKSPACE' ),
'talkspacee' => array( '1', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DE_DISCUSSION_URL', 'ESPACEDISCUSSIONX', 'TALKSPACEE' ),
'subjectspace' => array( '1', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DU_SUJÈT', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DE_L_ARTICLLO', 'ESPACESUJET', 'ESPACEARTICLE', 'SUBJECTSPACE', 'ARTICLESPACE' ),
'subjectspacee' => array( '1', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DU_SUJÈT_URL', 'ÈSPÂÇO_DE_L_ARTICLLO_URL', 'ESPACESUJETX', 'ESPACEARTICLEX', 'SUBJECTSPACEE', 'ARTICLESPACEE' ),
'fullpagename' => array( '1', 'NOM_COMPLÈT_DE_LA_PÂGE', 'NOMPAGECOMPLET', 'FULLPAGENAME' ),
'fullpagenamee' => array( '1', 'NOM_COMPLÈT_DE_LA_PÂGE_URL', 'NOMPAGECOMPLETX', 'FULLPAGENAMEE' ),
'subpagename' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_SOT_PÂGE', 'NOMSOUSPAGE', 'SUBPAGENAME' ),
'subpagenamee' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_SOT_PÂGE_URL', 'NOMSOUSPAGEX', 'SUBPAGENAMEE' ),
'basepagename' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DE_BÂSA', 'NOMBASEDEPAGE', 'BASEPAGENAME' ),
'basepagenamee' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DE_BÂSA_URL', 'NOMBASEDEPAGEX', 'BASEPAGENAMEE' ),
'talkpagename' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DE_DISCUSSION', 'NOMPAGEDISCUSSION', 'TALKPAGENAME' ),
'talkpagenamee' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DE_DISCUSSION_URL', 'NOMPAGEDISCUSSIONX', 'TALKPAGENAMEE' ),
'subjectpagename' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DU_SUJÈT', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DE_L_ARTICLLO', 'NOMPAGESUJET', 'NOMPAGEARTICLE', 'SUBJECTPAGENAME', 'ARTICLEPAGENAME' ),
'subjectpagenamee' => array( '1', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DU_SUJÈT_URL', 'NOM_DE_LA_PÂGE_DE_L_ARTICLLO_URL', 'NOMPAGESUJETX', 'NOMPAGEARTICLEX', 'SUBJECTPAGENAMEE', 'ARTICLEPAGENAMEE' ),
'msg' => array( '0', 'MSJ:', 'MSG:' ),
'msgnw' => array( '0', 'MSJNV:', 'MSGNW:' ),
'img_thumbnail' => array( '1', 'figura', 'vignette', 'thumbnail', 'thumb' ),
'img_manualthumb' => array( '1', 'figura=$1', 'vignette=$1', 'thumbnail=$1', 'thumb=$1' ),
'img_right' => array( '1', 'drêta', 'droite', 'right' ),
'img_left' => array( '1', 'gôche', 'gauche', 'left' ),
'img_none' => array( '1', 'vouedo', 'néant', 'neant', 'none' ),
'img_center' => array( '1', 'centrâ', 'centré', 'center', 'centre' ),
'img_framed' => array( '1', 'encâdrâ', 'câdro', 'cadre', 'encadré', 'encadre', 'framed', 'enframed', 'frame' ),
'img_frameless' => array( '1', 'sen_câdro', 'pas_encâdrâ', 'sans_cadre', 'non_encadré', 'non_encadre', 'frameless' ),
'img_page' => array( '1', 'pâge=$1', 'pâge $1', 'page=$1', 'page $1' ),
'img_upright' => array( '1', 'drêt', 'drêt=$1', 'drêt $1', 'redresse', 'redresse=$1', 'redresse $1', 'upright', 'upright=$1', 'upright $1' ),
'img_border' => array( '1', 'bordura', 'bordure', 'border' ),
'img_baseline' => array( '1', 'legne_de_bâsa', 'ligne_de_base', 'base', 'baseline' ),
'img_sub' => array( '1', 'segno', 'indice', 'ind', 'sub' ),
'img_super' => array( '1', 'èxposent', 'èxp', 'exposant', 'exp', 'super', 'sup' ),
'img_top' => array( '1', 'd\'amont', 'haut', 'top' ),
'img_text_top' => array( '1', 'tèxto-d\'amont', 'haut-texte', 'haut-txt', 'text-top' ),
'img_middle' => array( '1', 'entre-mié', 'milieu', 'middle' ),
'img_bottom' => array( '1', 'd\'avâl', 'bas', 'bottom' ),
'img_text_bottom' => array( '1', 'tèxto-d\'avâl', 'bas-texte', 'bas-txt', 'text-bottom' ),
'img_link' => array( '1', 'lim=$1', 'lien=$1', 'link=$1' ),
'int' => array( '0', 'ENT:', 'INT:' ),
'sitename' => array( '1', 'NOM_DU_SETO', 'NOMSITE', 'SITENAME' ),
'ns' => array( '0', 'ÈDN:', 'ESPACEN:', 'NS:' ),
'nse' => array( '0', 'ÈDN_URL:', 'ESPACENX:', 'NSE:' ),
'localurl' => array( '0', 'URL_LOCALA:', 'URLLOCALE:', 'LOCALURL:' ),
'localurle' => array( '0', 'URL_LOCALA_URL:', 'URLLOCALEX:', 'LOCALURLE:' ),
'articlepath' => array( '0', 'CHEMIN_DE_L_ARTICLLO', 'CHEMINARTICLE', 'ARTICLEPATH' ),
'server' => array( '0', 'SÈRVOR', 'SERVEUR', 'SERVER' ),
'servername' => array( '0', 'NOM_DU_SÈRVOR', 'NOMSERVEUR', 'SERVERNAME' ),
'scriptpath' => array( '0', 'CHEMIN_DU_SCRIPTE', 'CHEMINSCRIPT', 'SCRIPTPATH' ),
'stylepath' => array( '0', 'CHEMIN_DU_STILO', 'CHEMINSTYLE', 'STYLEPATH' ),
'grammar' => array( '0', 'GRAMÈRE:', 'GRAMMAIRE:', 'GRAMMAR:' ),
'gender' => array( '0', 'GENRO:', 'GENRE:', 'GENDER:' ),
'notitleconvert' => array( '0', '__SEN_CONVÈRSION_DE_TITRO__', '__SENCDT__', '__SANSCONVERSIONTITRE__', '__SANSCT__', '__NOTITLECONVERT__', '__NOTC__' ),
'nocontentconvert' => array( '0', '__SEN_CONVÈRSION_DE_CONTEGNU__', '__SENCDC__', '__SANSCONVERSIONCONTENU__', '__SANSCC__', '__NOCONTENTCONVERT__', '__NOCC__' ),
'currentweek' => array( '1', 'SEMANA_D_ORA', 'SEMAINEACTUELLE', 'CURRENTWEEK' ),
'currentdow' => array( '1', 'JDS_D_ORA', 'JDSACTUEL', 'CURRENTDOW' ),
'localweek' => array( '1', 'SEMANA_LOCALA', 'SEMAINELOCALE', 'LOCALWEEK' ),
'localdow' => array( '1', 'JDS_LOCAL', 'JDSLOCAL', 'LOCALDOW' ),
'revisionid' => array( '1', 'NUMERÔ_DE_LA_VÈRSION', 'IDVERSION', 'REVISIONID' ),
'revisionday' => array( '1', 'JORN_DE_LA_VÈRSION', 'JOURVERSION', 'JOUR1VERSION', 'REVISIONDAY' ),
'revisionday2' => array( '1', 'JORN_DE_LA_VÈRSION_2', 'JOUR2VERSION', 'REVISIONDAY2' ),
'revisionmonth' => array( '1', 'MÊS_DE_LA_VÈRSION', 'MOISVERSION', 'REVISIONMONTH' ),
'revisionmonth1' => array( '1', 'MÊS_DE_LA_VÈRSION_1', 'MOISVERSION1', 'REVISIONMONTH1' ),
'revisionyear' => array( '1', 'AN_DE_LA_VÈRSION', 'ANNEEVERSION', 'REVISIONYEAR' ),
'revisiontimestamp' => array( '1', 'DÂTA_ET_HORA_DE_LA_VÈRSION', 'INSTANTVERSION', 'REVISIONTIMESTAMP' ),
'revisionuser' => array( '1', 'USANCIÉR_DE_LA_VÈRSION', 'UTILISATEURVERSION', 'REVISIONUSER' ),
'plural' => array( '0', 'PLURÂL:', 'PLURIEL:', 'PLURAL:' ),
'fullurl' => array( '0', 'URL_COMPLÈTA:', 'URLCOMPLETE:', 'FULLURL:' ),
'fullurle' => array( '0', 'URL_COMPLÈTA_URL:', 'URLCOMPLETEX:', 'FULLURLE:' ),
'lcfirst' => array( '0', 'PREMIÉRE_PETIÔTA_LÈTRA:', 'INITMINUS:', 'LCFIRST:' ),
'ucfirst' => array( '0', 'PREMIÉRE_GRANTA_LÈTRA:', 'INITMAJUS:', 'INITCAPIT:', 'UCFIRST:' ),
'lc' => array( '0', 'PETIÔTA_LÈTRA:', 'MINUS:', 'LC:' ),
'uc' => array( '0', 'GRANTA_LÈTRA:', 'MAJUS:', 'CAPIT:', 'UC:' ),
'raw' => array( '0', 'BRUTO:', 'BRUT:', 'RAW:' ),
'displaytitle' => array( '1', 'FÂRE_VÊRE_LO_TITRO', 'AFFICHERTITRE', 'DISPLAYTITLE' ),
'rawsuffix' => array( '1', 'B', 'BRUT', 'R' ),
'newsectionlink' => array( '1', '__LIM_DE_NOVÈLA_SÈCCION__', '__LIENNOUVELLESECTION__', '__NEWSECTIONLINK__' ),
'nonewsectionlink' => array( '1', '__NION_LIM_DE_NOVÈLA_SÈCCION__', '__AUCUNLIENNOUVELLESECTION__', '__NONEWSECTIONLINK__' ),
'currentversion' => array( '1', 'VÈRSION_D_ORA', 'VERSIONACTUELLE', 'CURRENTVERSION' ),
'urlencode' => array( '0', 'URL_ENCODÂ:', 'ENCODEURL:', 'URLENCODE:' ),
'anchorencode' => array( '0', 'ANCRO_ENCODÂ', 'ENCODEANCRE', 'ANCHORENCODE' ),
'currenttimestamp' => array( '1', 'DÂTA_ET_HORA_D_ORA', 'INSTANTACTUEL', 'CURRENTTIMESTAMP' ),
'localtimestamp' => array( '1', 'DÂTA_ET_HORA_LOCALA', 'INSTANTLOCAL', 'LOCALTIMESTAMP' ),
'directionmark' => array( '1', 'MÂRCA_DE_DIRÈCCION', 'MARQUEDIRECTION', 'MARQUEDIR', 'DIRECTIONMARK', 'DIRMARK' ),
'language' => array( '0', '#LENGOUA:', '#LANGUE:', '#LANGUAGE:' ),
'contentlanguage' => array( '1', 'LENGOUA_DU_CONTEGNU', 'LANGUECONTENU', 'LANGCONTENU', 'CONTENTLANGUAGE', 'CONTENTLANG' ),
'pagesinnamespace' => array( '1', 'PÂGES_DENS_L_ÈSPÂÇO_DE_NOMS:', 'PÂGES_DENS_L_ÈDN:', 'PAGESDANSESPACE:', 'PAGESINNAMESPACE:', 'PAGESINNS:' ),
'numberofadmins' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_D_ADMINS', 'NOMBREADMINS', 'NUMBEROFADMINS' ),
'formatnum' => array( '0', 'FORMAT_NOMBRO', 'FORMATNOMBRE', 'FORMATNUM' ),
'padleft' => array( '0', 'BORRÂJO_A_GÔCHE', 'BOURRAGEGAUCHE', 'BOURREGAUCHE', 'PADLEFT' ),
'padright' => array( '0', 'BORRÂJO_A_DRÊTA', 'BOURRAGEDROITE', 'BOURREDROITE', 'PADRIGHT' ),
'special' => array( '0', 'spèciâl', 'spécial', 'special' ),
'defaultsort' => array( '1', 'CLLÂF_DE_TRI:', 'CLEFDETRI:', 'CLEDETRI:', 'DEFAULTSORT:', 'DEFAULTSORTKEY:', 'DEFAULTCATEGORYSORT:' ),
'filepath' => array( '0', 'CHEMIN_D_ACCÈS:', 'CHEMIN:', 'FILEPATH:' ),
'tag' => array( '0', 'balisa', 'balise', 'tag' ),
'hiddencat' => array( '1', '__CATÈGORIE_CACHIÊ__', '__CATCACHEE__', '__HIDDENCAT__' ),
'pagesincategory' => array( '1', 'PÂGES_DENS_LA_CATÈGORIE', 'PAGESDANSCAT', 'PAGESINCATEGORY', 'PAGESINCAT' ),
'pagesize' => array( '1', 'TALYE_DE_LA_PÂGE', 'TAILLEPAGE', 'PAGESIZE' ),
'index' => array( '1', '__ENDÈXE__', '__INDEX__' ),
'noindex' => array( '1', '__NION_ENDÈXE__', '__AUCUNINDEX__', '__NOINDEX__' ),
'numberingroup' => array( '1', 'NOMBRO_D_USANCIÉRS_DENS_LA_TROPA', 'NOMBREDANSGROUPE', 'NBDANSGROUPE', 'NUMBERINGROUP', 'NUMINGROUP' ),
'staticredirect' => array( '1', '__REDIRÈCCION_IMOBILA__', '__REDIRECTIONSTATIQUE__', '__STATICREDIRECT__' ),
'protectionlevel' => array( '1', 'NIVÉL_DE_PROTÈCCION', 'NIVEAUDEPROTECTION', 'PROTECTIONLEVEL' ),
'formatdate' => array( '0', 'format_de_dâta', 'formatdate', 'dateformat' ),
'url_path' => array( '0', 'CHEMIN', 'PATH' ),
'url_wiki' => array( '0', 'VOUIQUI', 'WIKI' ),
);
$linkTrail = '/^([a-zàâçéèêîœôû·'æäåāăëēïīòöōùü']+)(.*)$/sDu';
$dateFormats = array(
'mdy time' => 'H:i',
'mdy date' => 'F j, Y',
'mdy both' => 'F j, Y "a" H:i',
'dmy time' => 'H:i',
'dmy date' => 'j F Y',
'dmy both' => 'j F Y "a" H:i',
'ymd time' => 'H:i',
'ymd date' => 'Y F j',
'ymd both' => 'Y F j "a" H:i',
);
$separatorTransformTable = array( ',' => "\xc2\xa0", '.' => ',' );
$messages = array(
# User preference toggles
'tog-underline' => 'Solegnér los lims :',
'tog-justify' => 'Justifiar los paragrafos',
'tog-hideminor' => 'Cachiér los petiôts changements dedens los dèrriérs changements',
'tog-hidepatrolled' => 'Cachiér los changements gouardâs dedens los dèrriérs changements',
'tog-newpageshidepatrolled' => 'Cachiér les pâges gouardâyes entre-mié la lista de les pâges novèles',
'tog-extendwatchlist' => 'Ètendre la lista de siuvu por montrar tôs los changements et pas ren que los ples novéls',
'tog-usenewrc' => 'Rassemblar los changements per pâge dedens los dèrriérs changements et la lista de siuvu (at fôta de JavaScript)',
'tog-numberheadings' => 'Numerotar ôtomaticament los titros de sèccion',
'tog-showtoolbar' => 'Montrar la bârra d'outils de changement (at fôta de JavaScript)',
'tog-editondblclick' => 'Changiér des pâges sur doblo-clic (at fôta de JavaScript)',
'tog-editsection' => 'Activar lo changement de sèccions avouéc los lims « [changiér] »',
'tog-editsectiononrightclick' => 'Activar lo changement de sèccions per clic drêt sur lors titros (at fôta de JavaScript)',
'tog-showtoc' => 'Montrar la trâbla de les matiéres (por les pâges qu'ant més de 3 sèccions)',
'tog-rememberpassword' => 'Sè rapelar de mon contresegno sur ceti navigator (por lo més $1 jorn{{PLURAL:$1||s}})',
'tog-watchcreations' => 'Apondre les pâges que fé et pués los fichiérs que tèlèchârjo a ma lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchdefault' => 'Apondre les pâges et los fichiérs que chanjo a ma lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchmoves' => 'Apondre les pâges et los fichiérs que dèplaço a ma lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchdeletion' => 'Apondre les pâges et los fichiérs que suprimo a ma lista de siuvu',
'tog-minordefault' => 'Marcar per dèfôt tôs los changements coment petiôts',
'tog-previewontop' => 'Montrar l'apèrçu d'amont la zona de changement',
'tog-previewonfirst' => 'Montrar l'apèrçu pendent lo premiér changement',
'tog-nocache' => 'Dèsactivar lo cacho de les pâges per lo navigator',
'tog-enotifwatchlistpages' => 'Mè mandar un mèssâjo quand na pâge un fichiér de ma lista de siuvu est changiê(e)',
'tog-enotifusertalkpages' => 'Mè mandar un mèssâjo quand ma pâge de discussion est changiêe',
'tog-enotifminoredits' => 'Mè mandar un mèssâjo mémo en câs de petiôts changements de les pâges et des fichiérs',
'tog-enotifrevealaddr' => 'Rèvèlar mon adrèce èlèctronica dedens los mèssâjos de notificacion',
'tog-shownumberswatching' => 'Montrar lo nombro d'utilisators que siuvont na pâge',
'tog-oldsig' => 'Signatura ègzistenta :',
'tog-fancysig' => 'Trètar la signatura coment de vouiquitèxto (sen lim ôtomatico)',
'tog-uselivepreview' => 'Empleyér l'apèrçu rapido (at fôta de JavaScript) (èxpèrimentâl)',
'tog-forceeditsummary' => 'Mè balyér na semonce quand j'é pas buchiê de rèsumâ de changement',
'tog-watchlisthideown' => 'Cachiér los mins changements dedens la lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchlisthidebots' => 'Cachiér los changements fêts per des robots dedens la lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchlisthideminor' => 'Cachiér los petiôts changements dedens la lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchlisthideliu' => 'Cachiér los changements fêts per des utilisators branchiês dedens la lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchlisthideanons' => 'Cachiér los changements fêts per des utilisators anonimos dedens la lista de siuvu',
'tog-watchlisthidepatrolled' => 'Cachiér los changements gouardâs dedens la lista de siuvu',
'tog-ccmeonemails' => 'Mè mandar na copia des mèssâjos que mando ux ôtros utilisators',
'tog-diffonly' => 'Pas montrar lo contegnu de les pâges desot les difs',
'tog-showhiddencats' => 'Montrar les catègories cachiêes',
'tog-noconvertlink' => 'Dèsactivar la convèrsion des titros des lims',
'tog-norollbackdiff' => 'Pas fâre vêre la dif pendent na rèvocacion',
'tog-useeditwarning' => 'M'avèrtir quand quito una pâge de changement sen sôvar los changements',
'underline-always' => 'Tojorn',
'underline-never' => 'Jamés',
'underline-default' => 'Valor de l'habelyâjo du navigator per dèfôt',
# Font style option in Special:Preferences
'editfont-style' => 'Stilo de police de la zona de changement :',
'editfont-default' => 'Police du navigator per dèfôt',
'editfont-monospace' => 'Police de chace fixa',
'editfont-sansserif' => 'Police sen empiotament',
'editfont-serif' => 'Police avouéc empiotament',
# Dates
'sunday' => 'demenge',
'monday' => 'delon',
'tuesday' => 'demârs',
'wednesday' => 'demécro',
'thursday' => 'dejô',
'friday' => 'devendro',
'saturday' => 'dessando',
'sun' => 'dg',
'mon' => 'dl',
'tue' => 'dr',
'wed' => 'dc',
'thu' => 'dj',
'fri' => 'dv',
'sat' => 'ds',
'january' => 'janviér',
'february' => 'fevriér',
'march' => 'mârs',
'april' => 'd'avril',
'may_long' => 'de mê',
'june' => 'de jouen',
'july' => 'julyèt',
'august' => 'oût',
'september' => 'septembro',
'october' => 'octobro',
'november' => 'novembro',
'december' => 'dècembro',
'january-gen' => 'de janviér',
'february-gen' => 'de fevriér',
'march-gen' => 'de mârs',
'april-gen' => 'd'avril',
'may-gen' => 'de mê',
'june-gen' => 'de jouen',
'july-gen' => 'de julyèt',
'august-gen' => 'd'oût',
'september-gen' => 'de septembro',
'october-gen' => 'd'octobro',
'november-gen' => 'de novembro',
'december-gen' => 'de dècembro',
'jan' => 'jan',
'feb' => 'fev',
'mar' => 'mâr',
'apr' => 'avr',
'may' => 'mê',
'jun' => 'jou',
'jul' => 'jul',
'aug' => 'oût',
'sep' => 'sep',
'oct' => 'oct',
'nov' => 'nov',
'dec' => 'dèc',
'january-date' => '$1 de janviér',
'february-date' => '$1 de fevriér',
'march-date' => '$1 de mârs',
'april-date' => '$1 d'avril',
'may-date' => '$1 de mê',
'june-date' => '$1 de jouen',
'july-date' => '$1 de julyèt',
'august-date' => '$1 d'oût',
'september-date' => '$1 de septembro',
'october-date' => '$1 d'octobro',
'november-date' => '$1 de novembro',
'december-date' => '$1 de dècembro',
# Categories related messages
'pagecategories' => 'Catègorie{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'category_header' => 'Pâges dedens la catègorie « $1 »',
'subcategories' => 'Sot-catègories',
'category-media-header' => 'Fichiérs mèdia dedens la catègorie « $1 »',
'category-empty' => "''Ora ceta catègorie contint gins de pâge de fichiér mèdia.''",
'hidden-categories' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Catègorie cachiêe|Catègories cachiêes}}',
'hidden-category-category' => 'Catègories cachiêes',
'category-subcat-count' => 'Cela catègorie-que at {{PLURAL:$2|ren que ceta sot-catègorie.|{{PLURAL:$1|ceta sot-catègorie|cetes $1 sot-catègories}}, sur na soma de $2.}}',
'category-subcat-count-limited' => 'Cela catègorie-que at {{PLURAL:$1|ceta sot-catègorie|cetes $1 sot-catègories}}.',
'category-article-count' => '{{PLURAL:$2|Cela catègorie-que contint ren que ceta pâge.|{{PLURAL:$1|Ceta pâge figure|Cetes $1 pâges figuront}} dedens cela catègorie-que, sur na soma de $2.}}',
'category-article-count-limited' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Ceta pâge figure|Cetes $1 pâges figuront}} dedens la presenta catègorie.',
'category-file-count' => '{{PLURAL:$2|Cela catègorie-que contint ren que ceti fichiér.|{{PLURAL:$1|Ceti fichiér figure|Cetos $1 fichiérs figuront}} dedens cela catègorie-que, sur na soma de $2.}}',
'category-file-count-limited' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Ceti fichiér figure|Cetos $1 fichiérs figuront}} dedens la presenta catègorie.',
'listingcontinuesabbrev' => '(suita)',
'index-category' => 'Pâges endèxâyes',
'noindex-category' => 'Pâges pas endèxâyes',
'broken-file-category' => 'Pâges avouéc des lims de fichiérs câssos',
'about' => 'A propôs',
'article' => 'Pâge de contegnu',
'newwindow' => '(ôvre na fenétra novèla)',
'cancel' => 'Anular',
'moredotdotdot' => 'Més...',
'morenotlisted' => 'Més pas listâ...',
'mypage' => 'Pâge',
'mytalk' => 'Discussion',
'anontalk' => 'Discussion avouéc cet'adrèce IP',
'navigation' => 'Navigacion',
'and' => ' et',
# Cologne Blue skin
'qbfind' => 'Trovar',
'qbbrowse' => 'Fâre dèfelar',
'qbedit' => 'Changiér',
'qbpageoptions' => 'Ceta pâge',
'qbmyoptions' => 'Mes pâges',
'qbspecialpages' => 'Pâges spèciâles',
'faq' => 'Quèstions sovent posâyes',
'faqpage' => 'Project:Quèstions sovent posâyes',
# Vector skin
'vector-action-addsection' => 'Apondre na chousa',
'vector-action-delete' => 'Suprimar',
'vector-action-move' => 'Dèplaciér',
'vector-action-protect' => 'Protègiér',
'vector-action-undelete' => 'Refâre',
'vector-action-unprotect' => 'Changiér la protèccion',
'vector-simplesearch-preference' => 'Activar la bârra de rechèrche simplifiâye (solament por l'habelyâjo « Vèctor »)',
'vector-view-create' => 'Fâre',
'vector-view-edit' => 'Changiér',
'vector-view-history' => 'Vêre l'historico',
'vector-view-view' => 'Liére',
'vector-view-viewsource' => 'Vêre lo tèxto sôrsa',
'actions' => 'Accions',
'namespaces' => 'Èspâços de noms',
'variants' => 'Variantes',
'navigation-heading' => 'Menu de navigacion',
'errorpagetitle' => 'Fôta',
'returnto' => 'Tornar a la pâge $1.',
'tagline' => 'De {{SITENAME}}',
'help' => 'Éde',
'search' => 'Rechèrche',
'searchbutton' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'go' => 'Alar trovar',
'searcharticle' => 'Liére',
'history' => 'Historico de la pâge',
'history_short' => 'Historico',
'updatedmarker' => 'betâye a jorn dês la mina dèrriére visita',
'printableversion' => 'Vèrsion emprimâbla',
'permalink' => 'Lim fixo',
'print' => 'Emprimar',
'view' => 'Liére',
'edit' => 'Changiér',
'create' => 'Fâre',
'editthispage' => 'Changiér ceta pâge',
'create-this-page' => 'Fâre cela pâge',
'delete' => 'Suprimar',
'deletethispage' => 'Suprimar ceta pâge',
'undeletethispage' => 'Refâre cela pâge',
'undelete_short' => 'Refâre {{PLURAL:$1|un changement|$1 changements}}',
'viewdeleted_short' => 'Vêre {{PLURAL:$1|un changement suprimâ|$1 changements suprimâs}}',
'protect' => 'Protègiér',
'protect_change' => 'changiér',
'protectthispage' => 'Protègiér ceta pâge',
'unprotect' => 'Changiér la protèccion',
'unprotectthispage' => 'Changiér la protèccion de ceta pâge',
'newpage' => 'Pâge novèla',
'talkpage' => 'Discussion sur ceta pâge',
'talkpagelinktext' => 'discutar',
'specialpage' => 'Pâge spèciâla',
'personaltools' => 'Outils a sè',
'postcomment' => 'Novèla sèccion',
'articlepage' => 'Vêde la pâge de contegnu',
'talk' => 'Discussion',
'views' => 'Vues',
'toolbox' => 'Bouèta d'outils',
'userpage' => 'Vêde la pâge utilisator',
'projectpage' => 'Vêde la pâge projèt',
'imagepage' => 'Vêde la pâge du fichiér',
'mediawikipage' => 'Vêde la pâge du mèssâjo',
'templatepage' => 'Vêde la pâge du modèlo',
'viewhelppage' => 'Vêde la pâge d'éde',
'categorypage' => 'Vêde la pâge de catègorie',
'viewtalkpage' => 'Vêde la pâge de discussion',
'otherlanguages' => 'Ôtres lengoues',
'redirectedfrom' => '(Redirigiêe dês $1)',
'redirectpagesub' => 'Pâge de redirèccion',
'lastmodifiedat' => 'Dèrriér changement de ceta pâge lo $1 a $2.',
'viewcount' => 'Ceta pâge est étâye vua {{PLURAL:$1|un côp|$1 côps}}.',
'protectedpage' => 'Pâge protègiêe',
'jumpto' => 'Alar vers :',
'jumptonavigation' => 'navigacion',
'jumptosearch' => 'rechèrche',
'view-pool-error' => 'Dèconsolâ, los sèrviors sont lapidâs d'ôvra cetos temps.
Trop d'utilisators èprôvont de vêre ceta pâge.
Se vos plét, atende un moment devant que tornar èprovar d'arrevar a ceta pâge.
$1',
'pool-timeout' => 'Dèlê dèpassâ pendent l'atenta du vèrroly',
'pool-queuefull' => 'La renche d'ôvra est plêna',
'pool-errorunknown' => 'Fôta encognua',
# All link text and link target definitions of links into project namespace that get used by other message strings, with the exception of user group pages (see grouppage).
'aboutsite' => 'Sur {{SITENAME}}',
'aboutpage' => 'Project:A propôs',
'copyright' => 'Lo contegnu est disponiblo desot licence $1.',
'copyrightpage' => '{{ns:project}}:Drêts d'ôtor',
'currentevents' => 'Novèles',
'currentevents-url' => 'Project:Novèles',
'disclaimers' => 'Semonces',
'disclaimerpage' => 'Project:Semonces g·ènèrales',
'edithelp' => 'Éde',
'helppage' => 'Help:Somèro',
'mainpage' => 'Reçua',
'mainpage-description' => 'Reçua',
'policy-url' => 'Project:Règlles de dedens',
'portal' => 'Comunôtât',
'portal-url' => 'Project:Reçua de la comunôtât',
'privacy' => 'Politica de confidencialitât',
'privacypage' => 'Project:Politica de confidencialitât',
'badaccess' => 'Fôta de pèrmission',
'badaccess-group0' => 'Vos éte pas ôtorisâ a fâre l'accion demandâye.',
'badaccess-groups' => 'L'accion demandâye est limitâye ux utilisators de {{PLURAL:$2|la tropa|yona de les tropes}} : $1.',
'versionrequired' => 'Vèrsion $1 de MediaWiki nècèssèra',
'versionrequiredtext' => 'La vèrsion $1 de MediaWiki est nècèssèra por empleyér ceta pâge.
Vêde la [[Special:Version|pâge de les vèrsions]].',
'ok' => 'D'acôrd',
'retrievedfrom' => 'Rècupèrâye de « $1 »',
'youhavenewmessages' => 'Vos éd de $1 ($2).',
'newmessageslink' => 'mèssâjos novéls',
'newmessagesdifflink' => 'dèrriér changement',
'youhavenewmessagesfromusers' => 'Vos éd $1 {{PLURAL:$3|d'un ôtr'utilisator|de $3 ôtros utilisators}} ($2).',
'youhavenewmessagesmanyusers' => 'Vos éd $1 d'un mouél d'utilisators ($2).',
'newmessageslinkplural' => '{{PLURAL:$1|un mèssâjo novél|de mèssâjos novéls}}',
'newmessagesdifflinkplural' => '{{PLURAL:$1|dèrriér changement|dèrriérs changements}}',
'youhavenewmessagesmulti' => 'Vos éd de mèssâjos novéls sur $1',
'editsection' => 'changiér',
'editold' => 'changiér',
'viewsourceold' => 'vêre lo tèxto sôrsa',
'editlink' => 'changiér',
'viewsourcelink' => 'vêre lo tèxto sôrsa',
'editsectionhint' => 'Changiér la sèccion : $1',
'toc' => 'Somèro',
'showtoc' => 'montrar',
'hidetoc' => 'cachiér',
'collapsible-collapse' => 'repleyér',
'collapsible-expand' => 'dèpleyér',
'thisisdeleted' => 'Est-o que vos voléd vêre ou ben refâre $1 ?',
'viewdeleted' => 'Est-o que vos voléd vêre $1 ?',
'restorelink' => '{{PLURAL:$1|un changement suprimâ|$1 changements suprimâs}}',
'feedlinks' => 'Flux :',
'feed-invalid' => 'Tipo d'abonement du flux pas justo.',
'feed-unavailable' => 'Los flux de sindicacion sont pas disponiblos',
'site-rss-feed' => 'Flux RSS de $1',
'site-atom-feed' => 'Flux Atom de $1',
'page-rss-feed' => 'Flux RSS de « $1 »',
'page-atom-feed' => 'Flux Atom de « $1 »',
'red-link-title' => '$1 (pâge pas ègzistenta)',
'sort-descending' => 'Betar per ôrdre dèscendent',
'sort-ascending' => 'Betar per ôrdre montent',
# Short words for each namespace, by default used in the namespace tab in monobook
'nstab-main' => 'Pâge',
'nstab-user' => 'Pâge utilisator',
'nstab-media' => 'Fichiér mèdia',
'nstab-special' => 'Pâge spèciâla',
'nstab-project' => 'Pâge projèt',
'nstab-image' => 'Fichiér',
'nstab-mediawiki' => 'Mèssâjo',
'nstab-template' => 'Modèlo',
'nstab-help' => 'Éde',
'nstab-category' => 'Catègorie',
# Main script and global functions
'nosuchaction' => 'Accion encognua',
'nosuchactiontext' => 'L'accion spècifiâye dens l'URL est pas justa.
Pôt-étre vos éd mâl-buchiê l'URL ou ben siuvu un lim fôx.
Pôt asse-ben étre na cofierie dedens la programeria empleyêe per {{SITENAME}}.',
'nosuchspecialpage' => 'Pâge spèciâla pas ègzistenta',
'nospecialpagetext' => '<strong>Vos éd demandâ na pâge spèciâla qu'ègziste pas.</strong>
Na lista de les pâges spèciâles justes sè trôve dessus [[Special:SpecialPages|{{int:specialpages}}]].',
# General errors
'error' => 'Fôta',
'databaseerror' => 'Fôta de la bâsa de balyês',
'laggedslavemode' => "'''Atencion :''' cela pâge pôt pas contegnir tôs los dèrriérs changements fêts.",
'readonly' => 'Bâsa de balyês vèrrolyêe',
'enterlockreason' => 'Buchiéd na rêson du vèrroly et pués un'èstimacion de la sina durâ',
'readonlytext' => 'Ora la bâsa de balyês est vèrrolyêe por les entrâs novèles et los ôtros changements, de sûr por pèrmetre la sina mantegnence, dês cen tot tornerat en ôrdre.
L'administrator que l'at vèrrolyê at balyê cet'èxplicacion : $1',
'missing-article' => 'La bâsa de balyês at pas trovâ lo tèxto d'una pâge qu'el arêt diu trovar, apelâye « $1 » $2.
En g·ènèral cen arreve en siuvent un lim d'una dif d'un historico dèpassâ(ye) de vers na pâge qu'est étâye suprimâye.
S'o est pas lo câs, pôt étre na cofierie dedens la programeria.
Se vos plét, signalâd-la a un [[Special:ListUsers/sysop|administrator]] sen oubliar de lui endicar l'URL du lim.',
'missingarticle-rev' => '(numerô de vèrsion : $1)',
'missingarticle-diff' => '(dif : $1, $2)',
'readonly_lag' => 'La bâsa de balyês est étâye vèrrolyêe ôtomaticament pendent que los sèrviors secondèros ratrapont lor retârd sur lo sèrvior principâl.',
'internalerror' => 'Fôta de dedens',
'internalerror_info' => 'Fôta de dedens : $1',
'fileappenderrorread' => 'Y at pas moyen de liére « $1 » pendent l'aponsa.',
'fileappenderror' => 'Y at pas moyen d'apondre « $1 » a « $2 ».',
'filecopyerror' => 'Y at pas moyen de copiyér lo fichiér « $1 » vers « $2 ».',
'filerenameerror' => 'Y at pas moyen de renomar lo fichiér « $1 » en « $2 ».',
'filedeleteerror' => 'Y at pas moyen de suprimar lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'directorycreateerror' => 'Y at pas moyen de fâre lo rèpèrtouèro « $1 ».',
'filenotfound' => 'Y at pas moyen de trovar lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'fileexistserror' => 'Y at pas moyen d'ècrire lo fichiér « $1 » : lo fichiér ègziste.',
'unexpected' => 'Valor emprèvua : « $1 » = « $2 ».',
'formerror' => 'Fôta : y at pas moyen de mandar lo formulèro.',
'badarticleerror' => 'Cel'accion pôt pas étre fêta sur ceta pâge.',
'cannotdelete' => 'Y at pas moyen de suprimar la pâge lo fichiér « $1 ».
Pôt-étre la suprèssion est ja étâye fêta per un ôtro.',
'cannotdelete-title' => 'Y at pas moyen de suprimar la pâge « $1 »',
'delete-hook-aborted' => 'Suprèssion anulâye per un grèfon.
Nion'èxplicacion est étâye balyêe.',
'badtitle' => 'Crouyo titro',
'badtitletext' => 'Lo titro de la pâge demandâye est pas justo, vouedo ou ben o est un titro entèrlengoua ou entèrvouiqui mâl-liyê.
Contint de sûr yon ou ben un mouél de caractèros que pôvont pas étre empleyês dedens los titros.',
'perfcached' => 'Cetes balyês sont en cacho et pôvont pas étre a jorn. Por lo més {{PLURAL:$1|un rèsultat est disponiblo|$1 rèsultats sont disponiblos}} dedens lo cacho.',
'perfcachedts' => 'Cetes balyês sont en cacho et sont étâyes betâyes a jorn por lo dèrriér côp a $1. Por lo més {{PLURAL:$1|un rèsultat est disponiblo|$1 rèsultats sont disponiblos}} dedens lo cacho.',
'querypage-no-updates' => 'Ora les mêses a jorn por ceta pâge sont dèsactivâyes.
Les balyês ique seront pas betâyes a jorn.',
'wrong_wfQuery_params' => 'Paramètros fôx dessus wfQuery()<br />
Fonccion : $1<br />
Demanda : $2',
'viewsource' => 'Vêre lo tèxto sôrsa',
'viewsource-title' => 'Vêre lo tèxto sôrsa de $1',
'actionthrottled' => 'Accion limitâye',
'actionthrottledtext' => 'Por combatre lo spame, l'usâjo de cel'accion est limitâ a doux-três côps dens un moment prod côrt. S'acomplét que vos éd dèpassâ ceta limita.
Se vos plét, tornâd èprovar dens un tôrn.',
'protectedpagetext' => 'Ceta pâge est étâye protègiêe por empachiér son changement ou ben d'ôtres accions.',
'viewsourcetext' => 'Vos pouede vêre et copiyér lo tèxto sôrsa de ceta pâge :',
'viewyourtext' => "Vos pouede vêre et copiyér lo tèxto sôrsa de '''voutros changements''' a ceta pâge :",
'protectedinterface' => 'Cela pâge-que balye de tèxto d'entèrface por la programeria sur ceti vouiqui et est vêr protègiêe por èvitar los abus.
Por apondre ou ben changiér des traduccions sur tôs los vouiquis, se vos plét empleyéd [//translatewiki.net/ translatewiki.net], lo projèt de localisacion de MediaWiki.',
'editinginterface' => "'''Atencion :''' vos éte aprés changiér na pâge empleyêe por fâre lo tèxto d'entèrface de la programeria.
Los changements sè cognetront sur l'aparence de l'entèrface utilisator por los ôtros utilisators de ceti vouiqui.
Por apondre ou ben changiér des traduccions sur tôs los vouiquis, se vos plét empleyéd [//translatewiki.net/ translatewiki.net], lo projèt de localisacion de MediaWiki.",
'cascadeprotected' => 'Cela pâge-que est protègiêe, el est entrebetâye dedens {{PLURAL:$1|ceta pâge qu'est étâye protègiêe|cetes pâges que sont étâyes protègiêes}} avouéc lo chouèx « protèccion en cascâda » activâ :
$2',
'namespaceprotected' => "Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér les pâges de l'èspâço de noms « '''$1''' ».",
'customcssprotected' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér cela pâge CSS, contint la configuracion a sè d'un ôtr'utilisator.',
'customjsprotected' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér cela pâge JavaScript, contint la configuracion a sè d'un ôtr'utilisator.',
'mycustomcssprotected' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér cela pâge CSS.',
'mycustomjsprotected' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér cela pâge JavaScript.',
'myprivateinfoprotected' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér voutres enformacions a sè.',
'mypreferencesprotected' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér voutres prèferences.',
'ns-specialprotected' => 'Les pâges spèciâles pôvont pas étre changiêes.',
'titleprotected' => "Cél titro est étâ protègiê a la crèacion per [[User:$1|$1]].
La rêson balyêe est « ''$2'' ».",
'filereadonlyerror' => 'Y at pas moyen de changiér lo fichiér « $1 » perce que lo dèpôt de fichiérs « $2 » est justo en lèctura.
L'administrator que l'at vèrrolyê at balyê cet'èxplicacion : « $3 ».',
'invalidtitle-knownnamespace' => 'Titro pas justo avouéc l'èspâço de noms « $2 » et lo tèxto « $3 »',
'invalidtitle-unknownnamespace' => 'Titro pas justo avouéc lo numerô d'èspâço de noms encognu $1 et lo tèxto « $2 »',
'exception-nologin' => 'Pas branchiê',
'exception-nologin-text' => 'Cela pâge cel'accion at fôta d'étre branchiê sur ceti vouiqui.',
# Virus scanner
'virus-badscanner' => "Crouye configuracion : scanor de virus encognu : ''$1''",
'virus-scanfailed' => 'Falyita de la rechèrche (code $1)',
'virus-unknownscanner' => 'antivirus encognu :',
# Login and logout pages
'logouttext' => "'''Ora vos éte dèbranchiê{{GENDER:||e|(e)}}.'''
Vos pouede continuar a empleyér {{SITENAME}} de façon anonima ou ben <span class='plainlinks'>[$1 vos tornar branchiér]</span> desot lo mémo nom ou un ôtro.
Notâd qu'y at des pâges que pôvont étre oncor fêtes vêre coment se vos érâd adés branchiê{{GENDER:||e|(e)}}, tant que vos èfaciéd lo cacho de voutron navigator.",
'welcomeuser' => 'Benvegnua, $1 !',
'welcomecreation-msg' => 'Voutron compto est étâ fêt.
Oubliâd pas de changiér voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences dessus {{SITENAME}}]].',
'yourname' => 'Nom d'utilisator :',
'userlogin-yourname' => 'Nom d'utilisator',
'userlogin-yourname-ph' => 'Buchiéd voutron nom d'utilisator',
'createacct-another-username-ph' => 'Buchiéd lo nom d'utilisator',
'yourpassword' => 'Contresegno :',
'userlogin-yourpassword' => 'Contresegno',
'userlogin-yourpassword-ph' => 'Buchiéd voutron contresegno',
'createacct-yourpassword-ph' => 'Buchiéd un contresegno',
'yourpasswordagain' => 'Confirmâd lo contresegno :',
'createacct-yourpasswordagain' => 'Confirmâd lo contresegno',
'createacct-yourpasswordagain-ph' => 'Tornâd buchiér lo contresegno',
'remembermypassword' => 'Sè rapelar de mon contresegno sur ceti navigator (por lo més $1 jorn{{PLURAL:$1||s}})',
'userlogin-remembermypassword' => 'Gouardar ma sèance activa',
'userlogin-signwithsecure' => 'Empleyér un branchement sècurisâ',
'yourdomainname' => 'Voutron domêno :',
'password-change-forbidden' => 'Vos pouede pas changiér los contresegnos sur ceti vouiqui.',
'externaldberror' => 'Ou ben na fôta est arrevâye avouéc la bâsa de balyês d'ôtentificacion de defôr ou ben vos éte pas ôtorisâ{{GENDER:||ye|(ye)}} a betar a jorn voutron compto de defôr.',
'login' => 'Branchement',
'nav-login-createaccount' => 'Sè branchiér / fâre un compto',
'loginprompt' => "Vos dête activar los tèmouens (''cookies'') por vos branchiér a {{SITENAME}}.",
'userlogin' => 'Sè branchiér / fâre un compto',
'userloginnocreate' => 'Sè branchiér',
'logout' => 'Sè dèbranchiér',
'userlogout' => 'Dèbranchement',
'notloggedin' => 'Pas branchiê',
'userlogin-noaccount' => 'Vos éd p'oncor un compto ?',
'userlogin-joinproject' => 'Rejuegnéd {{SITENAME}}',
'nologin' => "Vos éd p'oncor un compto ? '''$1.'''",
'nologinlink' => 'Féte un compto',
'createaccount' => 'Fâre un compto',
'gotaccount' => "Vos éd ja un compto ? '''$1.'''",
'gotaccountlink' => 'Branchiéd-vos',
'userlogin-resetlink' => 'Vos éd oubliâ voutros dètalys de branchement ?',
'userlogin-resetpassword-link' => 'Rebetar a zérô lo contresegno',
'helplogin-url' => 'Help:Branchement',
'userlogin-helplink' => '[[{{MediaWiki:helplogin-url}}|Éde u branchement]]',
'createacct-join' => 'Buchiéd voutres enformacions ce-desot.',
'createacct-another-join' => 'Buchiéd les enformacions sur lo compto novél ce-desot.',
'createacct-emailrequired' => 'Adrèce èlèctronica',
'createacct-emailoptional' => 'Adrèce èlèctronica (u chouèx)',
'createacct-email-ph' => 'Buchiéd voutron adrèce èlèctronica',
'createacct-another-email-ph' => 'Buchiéd l'adrèce èlèctronica',
'createaccountmail' => 'Empleyér un contresegno temporèro fêt per hasârd et lo mandar a l'adrèce èlèctronica spècifiâye ce-desot',
'createacct-realname' => 'Veré nom (u chouèx)',
'createaccountreason' => 'Rêson :',
'createacct-reason' => 'Rêson',
'createacct-reason-ph' => 'Porquè féte-vos un ôtro compto',
'createacct-captcha' => 'Contrôlo de sècuritât',
'createacct-imgcaptcha-ph' => 'Buchiéd lo tèxto que vos vêde ce-dessus',
'createacct-submit' => 'Féte voutron compto',
'createacct-another-submit' => 'Féte un ôtro compto',
'createacct-benefit-heading' => '{{SITENAME}} est ècrit per des coment vos.',
'createacct-benefit-body1' => 'changement{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'createacct-benefit-body2' => 'pâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'createacct-benefit-body3' => '{{PLURAL:$1|novél contributor|novéls contributors}}',
'badretype' => 'Los contresegnos que vos éd buchiês sont pas pariérs.',
'userexists' => 'Lo nom d'utilisator buchiê est ja empleyê.
Se vos plét, chouèsésséd-nen un ôtro.',
'loginerror' => 'Fôta de branchement',
'createacct-error' => 'Fôta pendent la crèacion du compto',
'createaccounterror' => 'Y at pas moyen de fâre lo compto : $1',
'nocookiesnew' => "Lo compto utilisator est étâ fêt, mas vos éte pas branchiê{{GENDER:||e|(e)}}.
{{SITENAME}} emplèye des tèmouens (''cookies'') por lo branchement mas vos los éd dèsactivâs.
Se vos plét, activâd-los et pués tornâd-vos branchiér avouéc voutron novél nom d'utilisator et voutron contresegno.",
'nocookieslogin' => "{{SITENAME}} emplèye des tèmouens (''cookies'') por lo branchement mas vos los éd dèsactivâs.
Se vos plét, activâd-los et pués tornâd èprovar.",
'nocookiesfornew' => "Lo compto utilisator est pas étâ fêt, nos ens pas possu confirmar la sina sôrsa.
Controlâd que vos éd activâ los tèmouens (''cookies''), rechargiéd la pâge et pués tornâd èprovar.",
'noname' => 'Vos éd pas spècifiâ un nom d'utilisator justo.',
'loginsuccesstitle' => 'Branchement reussi',
'loginsuccess' => "'''Ora vos éte branchiê{{GENDER:||e|(e)}} a {{SITENAME}} por « $1 ».'''",
'nosuchuser' => 'L'utilisator « $1 » ègziste pas.
Los noms d'utilisator sont sensiblos a la câssa.
Controlâd l'ortografia ou ben [[Special:UserLogin/signup|féte un compto novél]].',
'nosuchusershort' => 'Y at pas un utilisator avouéc lo nom « $1 ».
Se vos plét, controlâd l'ortografia.',
'nouserspecified' => 'Vos dête spècifiar un nom d'utilisator.',
'login-userblocked' => 'Cet'utilisator est blocâ. Branchement pas ôtorisâ.',
'wrongpassword' => 'Lo contresegno buchiê est fôx.
Se vos plét, tornâd èprovar.',
'wrongpasswordempty' => 'Vos éd pas buchiê de contresegno.
Se vos plét, tornâd èprovar.',
'passwordtooshort' => 'Voutron contresegno dêt contegnir por lo muens $1 caractèro{{PLURAL:$1||s}}.',
'password-name-match' => 'Voutron contresegno dêt étre difèrent de voutron nom d'utilisator.',
'password-login-forbidden' => 'L'usâjo de cél nom d'utilisator et de cél contresegno est étâ dèfendu.',
'mailmypassword' => 'Recêvre un contresegno novél per mèssageria èlèctronica',
'passwordremindertitle' => 'Contresegno temporèro novél por {{SITENAME}}',
'passwordremindertext' => 'Yon (probâblament vos, dês l'adrèce IP $1) at demandâ un contresegno
novél por {{SITENAME}} ($4). Un contresegno temporèro est étâ fêt por
l'utilisator « $2 » et est « $3 ». S'o ére voutron entencion, vos vos devréd
branchiér et pués chouèsir un contresegno novél.
Voutron contresegno temporèro èxpirerat dens {{PLURAL:$5|un jorn|$5 jorns}}.
Se cela demanda vint pas de vos ou ben que vos vos éte rapelâ
de voutron contresegno et que vos souhètâd pas més lo changiér, vos
pouede ignorar ceti mèssâjo et continuar a empleyér voutron viely contresegno.',
'noemail' => 'Nion'adrèce èlèctronica est étâye encartâye por l'utilisator « $1 ».',
'noemailcreate' => 'Vos dête balyér un'adrèce èlèctronica justa',
'passwordsent' => 'Un contresegno novél est étâ mandâ a l'adrèce èlèctronica de l'utilisator « $1 ».
Se vos plét, tornâd-vos branchiér aprés l'avêr reçu.',
'blocked-mailpassword' => 'Voutron adrèce IP est blocâye en ècritura, la fonccion de sovegnence du contresegno est vêr dèsactivâye por èvitar los abus.',
'eauthentsent' => 'Un mèssâjo de confirmacion est étâ mandâ a l'adrèce èlèctronica endicâye.
Devant qu'un ôtro mèssâjo seye mandâ a ceti compto, vos devréd siuvre les enstruccions du mèssâjo et pués confirmar que lo compto est franc lo voutro.',
'throttled-mailpassword' => 'Un mèssâjo de remês'a zérô de voutron contresegno est ja étâ mandâ pendent {{PLURAL:$1|l'hora passâye|les $1 hores passâyes}}.
Por èvitar los abus, ren que yon serat mandâ per {{PLURAL:$1|hora|entèrvalo de $1 hores}}.',
'mailerror' => 'Fôta pendent l'èxpèdicion du mèssâjo : $1',
'acct_creation_throttle_hit' => 'Des visitors de cél vouiqui-que qu'emplèyont voutron adrèce IP ant fêt $1 compto{{PLURAL:$1||s}} pendent lo jorn passâ, cen qu'est lo més ôtorisâ dens ceti temps.
Du côp los visitors qu'emplèyont cel'adrèce IP pôvont fâre gins de compto por lo moment.',
'emailauthenticated' => 'Voutron adrèce èlèctronica est étâye ôtentifiâye lo $2 a $3.',
'emailnotauthenticated' => 'Voutron adrèce èlèctronica est p'oncor ôtentifiâye.
Nion mèssâjo serat mandâ por châcuna de cetes fonccionalitâts.',
'noemailprefs' => 'Spècifiâd un'adrèce èlèctronica dens voutres prèferences por empleyér cetes fonccionalitâts.',
'emailconfirmlink' => 'Confirmâd voutron adrèce èlèctronica',
'invalidemailaddress' => 'Cet'adrèce èlèctronica pôt pas étre accèptâye, semble avêr un format pas justo.
Se vos plét, buchiéd un'adrèce bien formatâye ou ben lèssiéd cél champ vouedo.',
'cannotchangeemail' => 'Les adrèces èlèctroniques des comptos pôvont pas étre changiêes sur ceti vouiqui.',
'emaildisabled' => 'Ceti seto pôt pas mandar des mèssâjos.',
'accountcreated' => 'Compto fêt',
'accountcreatedtext' => 'Lo compto utilisator por [[{{ns:User}}:$1|$1]] ([[{{ns:User talk}}:$1|discussion]]) est étâ fêt.',
'createaccount-title' => 'Crèacion d'un compto por {{SITENAME}}',
'createaccount-text' => 'Yon at fêt un compto por voutron adrèce èlèctronica dessus {{SITENAME}} ($4) apelâ « $2 », avouéc lo contresegno « $3 ».
Vos vos devriâd branchiér et pués changiér dês ora voutron contresegno.
Ignorâd ceti mèssâjo se cél compto est étâ fêt per fôta.',
'usernamehasherror' => 'Lo nom d'utilisator pôt pas contegnir des caractèros de chaplâjo',
'login-throttled' => 'Dês pou vos éd èprovâ un mouél de branchements.
Se vos plét, atende devant que tornar èprovar.',
'login-abort-generic' => 'Voutra tentativa de branchement at pas reussi - Anulâye',
'loginlanguagelabel' => 'Lengoua : $1',
'suspicious-userlogout' => 'Voutra demanda de dèbranchement est étâye refusâye, semble qu'el est étâye mandâye per un navigator câsso ou ben la mêsa en cacho d'un proxi.',
# Email sending
'php-mail-error-unknown' => 'Fôta encognua dens la fonccion mail() de PHP.',
'user-mail-no-addy' => 'Èprôva de mandar un mèssâjo sen adrèce èlèctronica.',
'user-mail-no-body' => 'Èprôva de mandar un mèssâjo avouéc un côrp vouedo ou ben dèrêsonâblament côrt.',
# Change password dialog
'resetpass' => 'Changiér lo contresegno',
'resetpass_announce' => 'Vos vos éte branchiê{{GENDER:||e|(e)}} avouéc un contresegno temporèro mandâ per mèssageria èlèctronica.
Por chavonar lo branchement, vos dête buchiér un contresegno novél ique :',
'resetpass_text' => '<!-- Apondéd lo tèxto ique -->',
'resetpass_header' => 'Changiér lo contresegno du compto',
'oldpassword' => 'Viely contresegno :',
'newpassword' => 'Contresegno novél :',
'retypenew' => 'Confirmar lo contresegno novél :',
'resetpass_submit' => 'Changiér lo contresegno et pués sè branchiér',
'changepassword-success' => 'Voutron contresegno est étâ changiê avouéc reusséta !
Branchement en côrs...',
'resetpass_forbidden' => 'Los contresegnos pôvont pas étre changiês',
'resetpass-no-info' => 'Vos dête étre branchiê por arrevar tot drêt a cela pâge.',
'resetpass-submit-loggedin' => 'Changiér lo contresegno',
'resetpass-submit-cancel' => 'Anular',
'resetpass-wrong-oldpass' => 'Contresegno temporèro ou ben d'ora pas justo.
Pôt-étre vos éd ja changiê voutron contresegno avouéc reusséta ou ben demandâ un contresegno temporèro novél.',
'resetpass-temp-password' => 'Contresegno temporèro :',
'resetpass-abort-generic' => 'Lo changement du contresegno est étâ anulâ per un'èxtension.',
# Special:PasswordReset
'passwordreset' => 'Remês'a zérô du contresegno',
'passwordreset-text-one' => 'Rempléd ceti formulèro por rebetar a zérô voutron contresegno.',
'passwordreset-text-many' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Rempléd yon des champs por rebetar a zérô voutron contresegno.}}',
'passwordreset-legend' => 'Rebetar a zérô lo contresegno',
'passwordreset-disabled' => 'La remês'a zérô des contresegnos est étâye dèsactivâye sur ceti vouiqui.',
'passwordreset-emaildisabled' => 'Les fonccionalitâts de mèssageria èlèctronica sont étâyes dèsactivâyes sur ceti vouiqui.',
'passwordreset-username' => 'Nom d'utilisator :',
'passwordreset-domain' => 'Domêno :',
'passwordreset-capture' => 'Est-o que vos voléd vêre lo mèssâjo que rèsulte ?',
'passwordreset-capture-help' => 'Se vos pouentâd cela câsa, lo mèssâjo (avouéc lo contresegno temporèro) vos serat montrâ quand serat mandâ a l'utilisator.',
'passwordreset-email' => 'Adrèce èlèctronica :',
'passwordreset-emailtitle' => 'Dètalys du compto dessus {{SITENAME}}',
'passwordreset-emailtext-ip' => 'Yon (probâblament vos, dês l'adrèce IP $1) at demandâ na remês'a zérô de voutron
contresegno por {{SITENAME}} ($4). {{PLURAL:$3|Ceti compto utilisator est associyê|Cetos comptos utilisators sont associyês}}
a cel'adrèce èlèctronica :
$2
{{PLURAL:$3|Cél contresegno temporèro èxpirerat|Celos contresegnos temporèros èxpireront}} dens {{PLURAL:$5|un jorn|$5 jorns}}.
Ora vos vos dête branchiér et pués chouèsir un contresegno novél. Se cela demanda vint pas de vos
ou ben que vos vos éte rapelâ de voutron contresegno originâl et que vos souhètâd pas més lo changiér,
vos pouede ignorar ceti mèssâjo et continuar a empleyér voutron viely contresegno.',
'passwordreset-emailtext-user' => 'L'utilisator $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} at demandâ na remês'a zérô de voutron contresegno por {{SITENAME}}
($4). {{PLURAL:$3|Ceti compto utilisator est associyê|Cetos comptos utilisators sont associyês}}
a cel'adrèce èlèctronica :
$2
{{PLURAL:$3|Cél contresegno temporèro èxpirerat|Celos contresegnos temporèros èxpireront}} dens {{PLURAL:$5|un jorn|$5 jorns}}.
Ora vos vos dête branchiér et pués chouèsir un contresegno novél. Se cela demanda vint pas de vos
ou ben que vos vos éte rapelâ de voutron contresegno originâl et que vos souhètâd pas més lo changiér,
vos pouede ignorar ceti mèssâjo et continuar a empleyér voutron viely contresegno.',
'passwordreset-emailelement' => 'Nom d'utilisator : $1
Contresegno temporèro : $2',
'passwordreset-emailsent' => 'Un mèssâjo de remês'a zérô de contresegno est étâ mandâ.',
'passwordreset-emailsent-capture' => 'Un mèssâjo de remês'a zérô de contresegno est étâ mandâ, qu'est montrâ ce-desot.',
'passwordreset-emailerror-capture' => 'Un mèssâjo de remês'a zérô de contresegno est étâ fêt, qu'est montrâ ce-desot, mas l'èxpèdicion a l'utilisat{{GENDER:$2|or|rice}} at pas reussi : $1',
# Special:ChangeEmail
'changeemail' => 'Changiér l'adrèce èlèctronica',
'changeemail-header' => 'Changiér l'adrèce èlèctronica du compto',
'changeemail-text' => 'Rempléd ceti formulèro por changiér voutron adrèce èlèctronica. Vos devréd buchiér voutron contresegno por confirmar cél changement.',
'changeemail-no-info' => 'Vos dête étre branchiê por arrevar tot drêt a cela pâge.',
'changeemail-oldemail' => 'Adrèce èlèctronica d'ora :',
'changeemail-newemail' => 'Novèl'adrèce èlèctronica :',
'changeemail-none' => '(pas yona)',
'changeemail-password' => 'Voutron contresegno dessus {{SITENAME}} :',
'changeemail-submit' => 'Changiér l'adrèce èlèctronica',
'changeemail-cancel' => 'Anular',
# Edit page toolbar
'bold_sample' => 'Tèxto grâs',
'bold_tip' => 'Tèxto grâs',
'italic_sample' => 'Tèxto étalico',
'italic_tip' => 'Tèxto étalico',
'link_sample' => 'Titro du lim',
'link_tip' => 'Lim de dedens',
'extlink_sample' => 'http://www.example.com titro du lim',
'extlink_tip' => 'Lim de defôr (oubliâd pas lo prèfixo http://)',
'headline_sample' => 'Tèxto du titro',
'headline_tip' => 'Sot-titro nivél 2',
'nowiki_sample' => 'Buchiéd lo tèxto pas formatâ ique',
'nowiki_tip' => 'Ignorar lo formatâjo vouiqui',
'image_sample' => 'Ègzemplo.jpg',
'image_tip' => 'Fichiér apondu',
'media_sample' => 'Ègzemplo.ogg',
'media_tip' => 'Lim de vers un fichiér',
'sig_tip' => 'Voutra signatura avouéc l'horodatâjo',
'hr_tip' => 'Legne plana (pas nen abusar)',
# Edit pages
'summary' => 'Rèsumâ :',
'subject' => 'Chousa / titro :',
'minoredit' => 'O est un petiôt changement',
'watchthis' => 'Siuvre ceta pâge',
'savearticle' => 'Encartar la pâge',
'preview' => 'Apèrçu',
'showpreview' => 'Montrar un apèrçu',
'showlivepreview' => 'Apèrçu drêt',
'showdiff' => 'Montrar los changements',
'anoneditwarning' => "'''Atencion :''' vos éte pas branchiê(e).
Voutron adrèce IP serat encartâye dedens l'historico des changements de ceta pâge.",
'anonpreviewwarning' => "''Vos éte pas branchiê(e). Sôvar encarterat voutron adrèce IP dedens l'historico des changements de ceta pâge.''",
'missingsummary' => "'''Sovegnence :''' vos éd balyê gins de rèsumâ de changement.
Se vos tornâd clicar sur lo boton « {{int:savearticle}} », voutron changement serat encartâ sen rèsumâ.",
'missingcommenttext' => 'Se vos plét, buchiéd un comentèro ce-desot.',
'missingcommentheader' => "'''Sovegnence :''' vos éd balyê gins de chousa / titro a ceti comentèro.
Se vos tornâd clicar sur lo boton « {{int:savearticle}} », voutron changement serat encartâ sen chousa / titro.",
'summary-preview' => 'Apèrçu du rèsumâ :',
'subject-preview' => 'Apèrçu de la chousa / du titro :',
'blockedtitle' => 'L'utilisator est blocâ',
'blockedtext' => "'''Voutron nom d'utilisator voutron adrèce IP est étâ(ye) blocâ(ye).'''
Lo blocâjo est étâ fêt per $1.
La rêson balyêe est ''$2''.
* Comencement du blocâjo : $8
* Èxpiracion du blocâjo : $6
* Compto blocâ : $7
Vos vos pouede veriér vers $1 ou ben un ôtr'[[{{MediaWiki:Grouppage-sysop}}|administrator]] por nen discutar.
Vos pouede pas empleyér la fonccionalitât « Lui mandar un mèssâjo » du muens qu'un'adrèce èlèctronica justa seye spècifiâye dens voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences]] et que vos seyâd pas étâ blocâ de l'empleyér.
Voutron adrèce IP d'ora est $3, et l'identifient de blocâjo est $5.
Se vos plét, entrebetâd tôs los dètalys ce-dessus dedens na demanda la quinta que seye que vos faréd.",
'autoblockedtext' => "Voutron adrèce IP est étâye blocâye ôtomaticament, el est étâye empleyêe per un ôtr'utilisator, lui-mémo blocâ per $1.
La rêson balyêe est :
:''$2''
* Comencement du blocâjo : $8
* Èxpiracion du blocâjo : $6
* Compto blocâ : $7
Vos vos pouede veriér vers $1 ou ben yon des ôtros [[{{MediaWiki:Grouppage-sysop}}|administrators]] por nen discutar.
Notâd que vos porréd pas empleyér la fonccionalitât « Lui mandar un mèssâjo » du muens que vos èyâd un'adrèce èlèctronica justa encartâye dens voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences]] et que vos seyâd pas étâ blocâ de l'empleyér.
Voutron adrèce IP d'ora est $3, et l'identifient de blocâjo est $5.
Se vos plét, entrebetâd tôs los dètalys ce-dessus dedens na demanda la quinta que seye que vos faréd.",
'blockednoreason' => 'niona rêson balyêe',
'whitelistedittext' => 'Vos vos dête $1 por povêr changiér les pâges.',
'confirmedittext' => 'Vos dête confirmar voutron adrèce èlèctronica devant que changiér les pâges.
Se vos plét, buchiéd et pués validâd voutron adrèce èlèctronica dens voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences]].',
'nosuchsectiontitle' => 'Y at pas moyen de trovar la sèccion',
'nosuchsectiontext' => 'Vos éd èprovâ de changiér na sèccion qu'ègziste pas.
Pôt-étre el est étâye dèplaciêe ou ben ôtâye dês que vos éd liesu cela pâge.',
'loginreqtitle' => 'Branchement nècèssèro',
'loginreqlink' => 'branchiér',
'loginreqpagetext' => 'Vos vos dête $1 por povêr vêre les ôtres pâges.',
'accmailtitle' => 'Contresegno mandâ.',
'accmailtext' => "Un contresegno fêt per hasârd por [[User talk:$1|$1]] est étâ mandâ a $2.
Lo contresegno por cél compto novél pôt étre changiê sur la pâge de ''[[Special:ChangePassword|changement de contresegno]]'' aprés s'étre branchiê.",
'newarticle' => '(Novél)',
'newarticletext' => "Vos éd siuvu un lim de vers na pâge qu'ègziste p'oncor.
Por fâre cela pâge, buchiéd voutron tèxto dedens la bouèta ce-desot (vêde la [[{{MediaWiki:Helppage}}|pâge d'éde]] por més d'enformacions).
Se vos éte arrevâ{{GENDER:||ye|(ye)}} ice per fôta, clicâd sur lo boton '''Devant''' de voutron navigator.",
'anontalkpagetext' => "----''O est la pâge de discussion d'un utilisator anonimo qu'at p'oncor fêt un compto ou ben que nen emplèye pas.
Por cen nos devens empleyér la sin'adrèce IP numerica por lo recognetre.
Un'adrèce IP d'ense pôt étre partagiêe per un mouél d'utilisators.
Se vos éte {{GENDER:|un utilisator|un'utilisatrice|un utilisator}} anonim{{GENDER:|o|a|o}} et pués se vos constatâd que des comentèros que vos regârdont pas vos sont étâs adrèciês, se vos plét [[Special:UserLogin/signup|féte un compto]] ou ben [[Special:UserLogin|branchiéd-vos]] por èvitar tota confusion que vint avouéc d'ôtros utilisators anonimos.''",
'noarticletext' => 'Ora y at gins de tèxto dedens cela pâge.
Vos pouede [[Special:Search/{{PAGENAME}}|fâre na rechèrche sur cél titro]] dedens les ôtres pâges,
<span class="plainlinks">[{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} rechèrchiér dedens los jornals liyês]
ou ben [{{fullurl:{{FULLPAGENAME}}|action=edit}} fâre cela pâge]</span>.',
'noarticletext-nopermission' => 'Ora y at gins de tèxto dedens cela pâge.
Vos pouede [[Special:Search/{{PAGENAME}}|fâre na rechèrche sur cél titro]] dedens les ôtres pâges ou ben <span class="plainlinks">[{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} rechèrchiér dedens los jornals liyês]</span>, mas vos éd pas la pèrmission de fâre cela pâge.',
'missing-revision' => 'La vèrsion numerô $1 de la pâge apelâye « {{PAGENAME}} » ègziste pas.
En g·ènèral cen arreve en siuvent un lim d'un historico dèpassâ de vers na pâge qu'est étâye suprimâye.
Vos pouede trovar més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].',
'userpage-userdoesnotexist' => 'Lo compto utilisator « $1 » est pas encartâ.
Se vos plét, controlâd que vos voléd fâre / changiér cela pâge.',
'userpage-userdoesnotexist-view' => 'Lo compto utilisator « $1 » est pas encartâ.',
'blocked-notice-logextract' => '{{GENDER:$1|Cél utilisator|Cel'utilisatrice|Cél utilisator}} est ora blocâ{{GENDER:$1||ye|}}.
La dèrriére entrâ du jornal des blocâjos est disponibla ce-desot :',
'clearyourcache' => "'''Nota :''' aprés avêr encartâ, vos devréd forciér lo rechargement complèt du cacho de voutron navigator por vêre los changements.
* '''Firefox / Safari :''' mantegnéd la toche ''Granta Lètra'' (''Shift'') en cliquent sur lo boton ''Rechargiér'' (''Reload'') ou ben prèssâd ''Ctrl-F5'' ou ''Ctrl-R'' (''⌘-R'' sur un Mac)
* '''Google Chrome :''' prèssâd ''Ctrl-Shift-R'' (''⌘-Shift-R'' sur un Mac)
* '''Internet Explorer :''' mantegnéd la toche ''Ctrl'' en cliquent sur lo boton ''Rafrèchir'' (''Refresh'') ou ben prèssâd ''Ctrl-F5''
* '''Opera :''' èfaciéd lo cacho dedens ''Outils → Prèferences''",
'usercssyoucanpreview' => "'''Combina :''' empleyéd lo boton « {{int:showpreview}} » por èprovar voutra fôlye CSS novèla devant que l'encartar.",
'userjsyoucanpreview' => "'''Combina :''' empleyéd lo boton « {{int:showpreview}} » por èprovar voutra fôlye JavaScript novèla devant que l'encartar.",
'usercsspreview' => "'''Rapelâd-vos que vos éte ren qu'aprés prèvêre voutra prôpra fôlye CSS.'''
'''El est p'oncor étâye encartâye !'''",
'userjspreview' => "'''Rapelâd-vos que vos éte ren qu'aprés èprovar / prèvêre voutron code JavaScript.'''
'''Il est p'oncor étâ encartâ !'''",
'sitecsspreview' => "'''Rapelâd-vos que vos éte ren qu'aprés prèvêre cela fôlye CSS.'''
'''El est p'oncor étâye encartâye !'''",
'sitejspreview' => "'''Rapelâd-vos que vos éte ren qu'aprés prèvêre cél code JavaScript.'''
'''Il est p'oncor étâ encartâ !'''",
'userinvalidcssjstitle' => "'''Atencion :''' ègziste gins d'habelyâjo « $1 ».
Rapelâd-vos que les pâges a sè avouéc èxtensions .css et .js emplèyont des titros en petiôtes lètres, per ègzemplo {{ns:user}}:Foo/vector.css et pas {{ns:user}}:Foo/Vector.css.",
'updated' => '(Betâ a jorn)',
'note' => "'''Nota :'''",
'previewnote' => "'''Rapelâd-vos qu'o est ren qu'un apèrçu.'''
Voutros changements sont p'oncor étâs encartâs !",
'continue-editing' => 'Alar vers la zona de changement',
'previewconflict' => 'Cet'apèrçu fât vêre lo tèxto de la zona de changement de d'amont coment aparêtrat se vos chouèsésséd de l'encartar.',
'session_fail_preview' => "'''Dèconsolâ ! Nos povens pas encartar voutron changement a côsa d'una pèrta d'enformacions sur voutra sèance.'''
Se vos plét, tornâd èprovar.
Se cen tôrne pas reussir, [[Special:UserLogout|dèbranchiéd-vos]] et pués tornâd-vos branchiér.",
'session_fail_preview_html' => "'''Dèconsolâ ! Nos povens pas encartar voutron changement a côsa d'una pèrta d'enformacions sur voutra sèance.'''
''Perce que {{SITENAME}} at activâ l'HTML bruto, l'apèrçu est étâ cachiê por prèvegnir les ataques per JavaScript.''
'''Se la tentativa de changement ére lèg·itima, se vos plét tornâd èprovar.'''
Se cen tôrne pas reussir, [[Special:UserLogout|dèbranchiéd-vos]] et pués tornâd-vos branchiér.",
'token_suffix_mismatch' => "'''Voutron changement est pas étâ accèptâ, voutron cliant at mècllâ los caractèros de ponctuacion dedens lo jeton de changement.'''
Lo changement est étâ refusâ por empachiér la corrupcion du tèxto de la pâge.
Des côps ceti problèmo arreve quand vos empleyéd un sèrviço de proxi Vouèbe anonimo qu'est pas de sûr.",
'edit_form_incomplete' => "'''Quârques parties du formulèro de changement ant pas avengiê lo sèrvior ; controlâd que voutros changements sont entiérs et pués tornâd èprovar.'''",
'editing' => 'Changement de $1',
'creating' => 'Crèacion de $1',
'editingsection' => 'Changement de $1 (sèccion)',
'editingcomment' => 'Changement de $1 (novèla sèccion)',
'editconflict' => 'Conflit de changement : $1',
'explainconflict' => "Un ôtro at changiê ceta pâge aprés que vos vos seyâd betâ a la changiér.
La zona de changement de d'amont contint lo tèxto de la pâge coment ègziste orendrêt.
Voutros changements aparèssont dedens la zona de changement de desot.
Vos voléd devêr fusionar voutros changements dedens lo tèxto ègzistent.
'''Solament''' lo tèxto de la zona de changement de d'amont serat encartâ se vos clicâd dessus « {{int:savearticle}} ».",
'yourtext' => 'Voutron tèxto',
'storedversion' => 'Vèrsion encartâye',
'nonunicodebrowser' => "'''Atencion : voutron navigator recognêt pas l'Unicode.'''
Na solucion de rechanjo est étâye trovâye por vos pèrmetre de changiér en tota suretât na pâge : los caractèros nan-ASCII aparêtront dedens la zona de changement por codes hègzadècimâls.",
'editingold' => "'''Atencion : vos éte aprés changiér na vèrsion dèpassâye de cela pâge.'''
Se vos l'encartâd, tôs los changements fêts dês ceta vèrsion seront pèrdus.",
'yourdiff' => 'Difèrences',
'copyrightwarning' => "Se vos plét, notâd que totes les contribucions a {{SITENAME}} sont considèrâyes coment publeyêes desot los tèrmos de la $2 (vêde $1 por més de dètalys).
Se vos voléd pas que voutros ècrits seyont changiês sen pouent de rèstriccion et rebalyês a volontât, adonc mandâd-los pas ique.<br />
Vos nos assurâd asse-ben que vos éd cen ècrit vos-mémo ou ben que vos l'éd copiyê d'una sôrsa que vint du domêno publico ou d'un'ôtra ressôrsa libra.
'''Empleyéd gins d'ôvra desot drêt d'ôtor sen pèrmission èxprèssa !'''",
'copyrightwarning2' => "Se vos plét, notâd que totes les contribucions a {{SITENAME}} pôvont étre changiêes ou ben enlevâyes per d'ôtros contributors.
Se vos voléd pas que voutros ècrits seyont changiês sen pouent de rèstriccion, adonc mandâd-los pas ique.<br />
Vos nos assurâd asse-ben que vos éd cen ècrit vos-mémo ou ben que vos l'éd copiyê d'una sôrsa que vint du domêno publico ou d'un'ôtra ressôrsa libra (vêde $1 por més de dètalys).
'''Empleyéd gins d'ôvra desot drêt d'ôtor sen pèrmission èxprèssa !'''",
'longpageerror' => "'''Fôta : lo tèxto que vos éd mandâ fât {{PLURAL:$1|un Kio|$1 Kio}}, cen que dèpâsse la limita fixâye a {{PLURAL:$2|un Kio|$2 Kio}}.'''
Pôt pas étre encartâ.",
'readonlywarning' => "'''Atencion : la bâsa de balyês est étâye vèrrolyêe por mantegnence, vos porréd vêr pas encartar voutros changements d'abôrd.'''
Vos pouede copiyér et côlar voutron tèxto dedens un fichiér tèxto et pués l'encartar por ples târd.
L'administrator qu'at vèrrolyê la bâsa de balyês at balyê cet'èxplicacion : $1",
'protectedpagewarning' => "'''Atencion : ceta pâge est étâye protègiêe de façon que solament los utilisators qu'ant lo statut d'administrator la pouessont changiér.'''
Por refèrence, la dèrriére entrâ du jornal est balyêe ce-desot :",
'semiprotectedpagewarning' => "'''Nota :''' ceta pâge est étâye protègiêe de façon que solament los utilisators encartâs la pouessont changiér.
Por refèrence, la dèrriére entrâ du jornal est balyêe ce-desot :",
'cascadeprotectedwarning' => "'''Atencion :''' cela pâge-que est étâye protègiêe de façon que solament los utilisators qu'ant lo statut d'administrator la pouessont changiér, perce qu'el est entrebetâye dedens {{PLURAL:$1|ceta pâge protègiêe|cetes pâges protègiêes}} avouéc la « protèccion en cascâda » activâye :",
'titleprotectedwarning' => "'''Atencion : ceta pâge est étâye protègiêe de façon que des [[Special:ListGroupRights|drêts spècificos]] sont nècèssèros por la povêr fâre.'''
Por refèrence, la dèrriére entrâ du jornal est balyêe ce-desot :",
'templatesused' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Modèlo empleyê|Modèlos empleyês}} per ceta pâge :',
'templatesusedpreview' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Modèlo empleyê|Modèlos empleyês}} dedens cet'apèrçu :',
'templatesusedsection' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Modèlo empleyê|Modèlos empleyês}} dedens ceta sèccion :',
'template-protected' => '(protègiê)',
'template-semiprotected' => '(mié-protègiê)',
'hiddencategories' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Catègorie cachiêe|Catègories cachiêes}} que ceta pâge est avouéc :',
'edittools' => '<!-- Tot tèxto buchiê ique serat montrâ desot les bouètes d'èdicion ou ben los formulèros de tèlèchargement de fichiér. -->',
'nocreatetext' => '{{SITENAME}} at rètrent la possibilitât de fâre de pâges novèles.
Vos pouede tornar arriér et pués changiér na pâge ègzistenta ou ben [[Special:UserLogin|vos branchiér ou fâre un compto]].',
'nocreate-loggedin' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de fâre de pâges novèles.',
'sectioneditnotsupported-title' => 'Changement de sèccion pas recognu',
'sectioneditnotsupported-text' => 'Lo changement d'una sèccion est pas recognu dens cela pâge.',
'permissionserrors' => 'Fôta de pèrmission',
'permissionserrorstext' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de fâre l'accion demandâye por {{PLURAL:$1|ceta rêson|cetes rêsons}} :',
'permissionserrorstext-withaction' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de $2 por {{PLURAL:$1|ceta rêson|cetes rêsons}} :',
'recreate-moveddeleted-warn' => "'''Atencion : vos éte aprés refâre na pâge qu'est étâye suprimâye dês devant.'''
Demandâd-vos se fôt franc continuar son changement.
Por comoditât, lo jornal de les suprèssions et des dèplacements de cela pâge est balyê ce-desot :",
'moveddeleted-notice' => 'Ceta pâge est étâye suprimâye.
Por refèrence, lo jornal de les suprèssions et des dèplacements de cela pâge est balyê ce-desot.',
'log-fulllog' => 'Vêre lo jornal complèt',
'edit-hook-aborted' => 'Changement anulâ per un grèfon.
Nion'èxplicacion est étâye balyêe.',
'edit-gone-missing' => 'Y at pas moyen de betar a jorn la pâge.
Semble que seye étâye suprimâye.',
'edit-conflict' => 'Conflit de changement.',
'edit-no-change' => 'Voutron changement est étâ ignorâ, nion changement est étâ fêt u tèxto.',
'postedit-confirmation' => 'Voutron changement est étâ encartâ.',
'edit-already-exists' => 'Y at pas moyen de fâre na pâge novèla.
Ègziste ja.',
'defaultmessagetext' => 'Mèssâjo per dèfôt',
'content-failed-to-parse' => 'Falyita de l'analisa du contegnu de $2 por lo modèlo $1 : $3',
'invalid-content-data' => 'Balyês du contegnu pas justes',
'content-not-allowed-here' => 'Lo contegnu « $1 » est pas ôtorisâ sur la pâge [[$2]]',
'editwarning-warning' => 'Quitar ceta pâge vos farat pèrdre tôs los changements que vos éd fêts.
Se vos éte branchiê, vos pouede enlevar ceti avèrtissement dens la sèccion « Fenétra d'èdicion » de voutres prèferences.',
# Content models
'content-model-wikitext' => 'vouiquitèxto',
'content-model-text' => 'tèxto bruto',
'content-model-javascript' => 'JavaScript',
'content-model-css' => 'CSS',
# Parser/template warnings
'expensive-parserfunction-warning' => "'''Atencion :''' cela pâge contint trop d'apèls a des fonccions du parsor que revegnont chieres.
Y devrêt avêr muens de $2 apèl{{PLURAL:$2||s}}, pendent qu'y en at ora $1.",
'expensive-parserfunction-category' => 'Pâges avouéc trop d'apèls a des fonccions du parsor que revegnont chieres',
'post-expand-template-inclusion-warning' => "'''Atencion :''' la talye des modèlos entrebetâs est trop grôssa.
Quârques modèlos seront pas entrebetâs.",
'post-expand-template-inclusion-category' => 'Pâges yô que la talye des modèlos entrebetâs est dèpassâye',
'post-expand-template-argument-warning' => "'''Atencion :''' cela pâge contint por lo muens un argument de modèlo qu'at na talye d'èxpension trop grôssa.
Celos arguments sont pas étâs betâs.",
'post-expand-template-argument-category' => 'Pâges que contegnont des arguments de modèlo pas betâs',
'parser-template-loop-warning' => 'Modèlo en boclla dècelâ : [[$1]]',
'parser-template-recursion-depth-warning' => 'Limita de provondior des apèls de modèlos dèpassâye ($1)',
'language-converter-depth-warning' => 'Limita de provondior du convèrtissor de lengoua dèpassâye ($1)',
'node-count-exceeded-category' => 'Pâges yô que lo nombro de nuods est dèpassâ',
'node-count-exceeded-warning' => 'Pâge que dèpâsse lo nombro de nuods',
'expansion-depth-exceeded-category' => 'Pâges yô que la provondior d'èxpension est dèpassâye',
'expansion-depth-exceeded-warning' => 'Pâge que dèpâsse la provondior d'èxpension',
'parser-unstrip-loop-warning' => 'Boclla pas dèmontâbla dècelâye',
'parser-unstrip-recursion-limit' => 'Limita de rècursion pas dèmontâbla dèpassâye ($1)',
'converter-manual-rule-error' => 'Fôta dècelâye dens la règlla de convèrsion de lengoua manuèla',
# "Undo" feature
'undo-success' => 'Lo changement pôt étre dèfêt.
Se vos plét, controlâd la comparèson ce-desot por vos assurar qu'o est franc cen que vos voléd fâre et pués encartâd los changements ce-desot por chavonar la sina dèfêta.',
'undo-failure' => 'Lo changement at pas possu étre dèfêt a côsa d'un conflit avouéc des changements entèrmèdièros.',
'undo-norev' => 'Lo changement at pas possu étre dèfêt perce qu'il est pas ègzistent ou ben qu'il est étâ suprimâ.',
'undo-summary' => 'Dèfêta du changement $1 de [[Special:Contributions/$2|$2]] ([[User talk:$2|discutar]])',
'undo-summary-username-hidden' => 'Dèfêta du changement $1 d'un utilisator cachiê',
# Account creation failure
'cantcreateaccounttitle' => 'Y at pas moyen de fâre lo compto',
'cantcreateaccount-text' => "La crèacion de compto dês cet'adrèce IP ('''$1''') est étâye blocâye per [[User:$3|$3]].
La rêson balyêe per $3 ére ''$2''.",
# History pages
'viewpagelogs' => 'Vêde los jornals de ceta pâge',
'nohistory' => 'Ègziste gins d'historico por ceta pâge.',
'currentrev' => 'Vèrsion d'ora',
'currentrev-asof' => 'Vèrsion d'ora du $2 a $3',
'revisionasof' => 'Vèrsion du $2 a $3',
'revision-info' => 'Vèrsion du $4 a $5 per $2',
'previousrevision' => '← Vèrsion ples vielye',
'nextrevision' => 'Vèrsion ples novèla →',
'currentrevisionlink' => 'Vèrsion d'ora',
'cur' => 'd'ora',
'next' => 'aprés',
'last' => 'devant',
'page_first' => 'premiére',
'page_last' => 'dèrriére',
'histlegend' => "Chouèx de difs : pouentâd les câses de les vèrsions a comparar et pués apoyéd dessus « Entrâ » ou ben lo boton d'avâl.<br />
Lègenda : '''({{int:cur}})''' = difèrence avouéc la vèrsion d'ora, '''({{int:last}})''' = difèrence avouéc la vèrsion devant, '''{{int:minoreditletter}}''' = petiôt changement.",
'history-fieldset-title' => 'Fâre dèfelar l'historico',
'history-show-deleted' => 'Ren que les suprimâyes',
'histfirst' => 'la ples vielye',
'histlast' => 'La ples novèla',
'historysize' => '($1 octèt{{PLURAL:$1||s}})',
'historyempty' => '(voueda)',
# Revision feed
'history-feed-title' => 'Historico de les vèrsions',
'history-feed-description' => 'Historico por ceta pâge sur lo vouiqui',
'history-feed-item-nocomment' => '$1 lo $3 a $4',
'history-feed-empty' => 'La pâge demandâye ègziste pas.
Pôt-étre el est étâye suprimâye du vouiqui ou ben renomâye.
Èprovâd de [[Special:Search|rechèrchiér sur lo vouiqui]] por trovar des pâges novèles que vant avouéc.',
# Revision deletion
'rev-deleted-comment' => '(rèsumâ de changement enlevâ)',
'rev-deleted-user' => '(nom d'utilisator enlevâ)',
'rev-deleted-event' => '(accion du jornal enlevâye)',
'rev-deleted-user-contribs' => '[nom d'utilisator ou ben adrèce IP enlevâ(ye) - changement cachiê sur les contribucions]',
'rev-deleted-text-permission' => "Ceta vèrsion de la pâge est étâye '''suprimâye'''.
Y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].",
'rev-deleted-text-unhide' => "Ceta vèrsion de la pâge est étâye '''suprimâye'''.
Y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].
Vos pouede adés [$1 vêre cela vèrsion] se vos o voléd.",
'rev-suppressed-text-unhide' => "Ceta vèrsion de la pâge est étâye '''rèprimâye'''.
Y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les rèprèssions].
Vos pouede adés [$1 vêre cela vèrsion] se vos o voléd.",
'rev-deleted-text-view' => "Ceta vèrsion de la pâge est étâye '''suprimâye'''.
Vos la pouede vêre ; y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].",
'rev-suppressed-text-view' => "Ceta vèrsion de la pâge est étâye '''rèprimâye'''.
Vos la pouede vêre ; y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/suppress|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les rèprèssions].",
'rev-deleted-no-diff' => "Vos pouede pas vêre ceta dif perce que yona de les vèrsions est étâye '''suprimâye'''.
Y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].",
'rev-suppressed-no-diff' => "Vos pouede pas vêre ceta dif, yona de les vèrsions est étâye '''suprimâye'''.",
'rev-deleted-unhide-diff' => "Yona de les vèrsions de ceta dif est étâye '''suprimâye'''.
Y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].
Vos pouede adés [$1 vêre cela dif] se vos o voléd.",
'rev-suppressed-unhide-diff' => "Yona de les vèrsions de ceta dif est étâye '''rèprimâye'''.
Y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les rèprèssions].
Vos pouede adés [$1 vêre cela dif] se vos o voléd.",
'rev-deleted-diff-view' => "Yona de les vèrsions de ceta dif est étâye '''suprimâye'''.
Vos pouede vêre ceta dif ; y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].",
'rev-suppressed-diff-view' => "Yona de les vèrsions de ceta dif est étâye '''rèprimâye'''.
Vos pouede vêre ceta dif ; y pôt avêr més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/suppress|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les rèprèssions].",
'rev-delundel' => 'montrar / cachiér',
'rev-showdeleted' => 'montrar',
'revisiondelete' => 'Suprimar / refâre des vèrsions',
'revdelete-nooldid-title' => 'Vèrsion ciba pas justa',
'revdelete-nooldid-text' => 'Vos éd pas spècifiâ na vèrsion ciba (des vèrsions cibes) por fâre cela
fonccion, la vèrsion spècifiâye ègziste pas ou ben vos èprovâd de cachiér la vèrsion d'ora.',
'revdelete-nologtype-title' => 'Nion tipo de jornal balyê',
'revdelete-nologtype-text' => 'Vos éd pas spècifiâ un tipo de jornal por fâre cel'accion.',
'revdelete-nologid-title' => 'Entrâ du jornal pas justa',
'revdelete-nologid-text' => 'Ou ben vos éd pas spècifiâ un èvènement du jornal ciba por fâre cela fonccion ou ben l'entrâ spècifiâye ègziste pas.',
'revdelete-no-file' => 'Lo fichiér spècifiâ ègziste pas.',
'revdelete-show-file-confirm' => 'Est-o que vos éte de sûr de volêr vêre na vèrsion suprimâye du fichiér « <nowiki>$1</nowiki> » du $2 a $3 ?',
'revdelete-show-file-submit' => 'Ouè',
'revdelete-selected' => "'''{{PLURAL:$2|Vèrsion chouèsia|Vèrsions chouèsies}} de [[:$1]] :'''",
'logdelete-selected' => "'''{{PLURAL:$1|Èvènement du jornal chouèsi|Èvènements du jornal chouèsis}} :'''",
'revdelete-text' => "'''Les vèrsions et los èvènements suprimâ(ye)s aparètront adés dedens l'historico de la pâge et pués sur los jornals, mas quârques parties de lor contegnu seront inaccèssibles u publico.'''
Los ôtros administrators de {{SITENAME}} porront tojorn arrevar u contegnu cachiê et lo refâre per cela mém'entèrface, du muens que des rèstriccions de ples seyont pas dèfenies.",
'revdelete-confirm' => 'Se vos plét, confirmâd qu'o est franc cen que vos voléd fâre, que vos en compregnéd les consèquences et pués que vos o féte en acôrd avouéc les [[{{MediaWiki:Policy-url}}|règlles de dedens]].',
'revdelete-suppress-text' => "La rèprèssion dêt étre empleyêe '''ren que''' dens cetos câs :
* Enformacions que pôvont étre difamatouères
* Enformacions a sè que vant pas avouéc
*: ''adrèces et numerôs de tèlèfono, numerôs de sècuritât sociâla, et tot cen que vat avouéc''",
'revdelete-legend' => 'Dèfenir des rèstriccions de visibilitât',
'revdelete-hide-text' => 'Cachiér lo tèxto de la vèrsion',
'revdelete-hide-image' => 'Cachiér lo contegnu du fichiér',
'revdelete-hide-name' => 'Cachiér l'accion et la ciba',
'revdelete-hide-comment' => 'Cachiér lo rèsumâ de changement',
'revdelete-hide-user' => 'Cachiér lo nom d'utilisator / l'adrèce IP du contributor',
'revdelete-hide-restricted' => 'Rèprimar celes balyês ux administrators et pués ux ôtros',
'revdelete-radio-same' => '(pas changiér)',
'revdelete-radio-set' => 'Ouè',
'revdelete-radio-unset' => 'Nan',
'revdelete-suppress' => 'Rèprimar celes balyês ux administrators et pués ux ôtros',
'revdelete-unsuppress' => 'Enlevar les rèstriccions sur les vèrsions refêtes',
'revdelete-log' => 'Rêson :',
'revdelete-submit' => 'Aplicar a {{PLURAL:$1|la vèrsion chouèsia|les vèrsions chouèsies}}',
'revdelete-success' => "'''Visibilitât de la vèrsion betâye a jorn avouéc reusséta.'''",
'revdelete-failure' => "'''La visibilitât de la vèrsion at pas possu étre betâye a jorn :'''
$1",
'logdelete-success' => "'''Visibilitât du jornal dèfenia avouéc reusséta.'''",
'logdelete-failure' => "'''La visibilitât du jornal at pas possu étre dèfenia :'''
$1",
'revdel-restore' => 'changiér la visibilitât',
'revdel-restore-deleted' => 'vèrsions suprimâyes',
'revdel-restore-visible' => 'vèrsions visibles',
'pagehist' => 'Historico de la pâge',
'deletedhist' => 'Historico suprimâ',
'revdelete-hide-current' => 'Fôta en cachient la piéce datâye du $1 a $2 : o est la vèrsion d'ora.
Pôt pas étre cachiêe.',
'revdelete-show-no-access' => 'Fôta en montrent la piéce datâye du $1 a $2 : el est marcâye coment « rètrenta ».
Vos y éd pas accès.',
'revdelete-modify-no-access' => 'Fôta en changient la piéce datâye du $1 a $2 : el est marcâye coment « rètrenta ».
Vos y éd pas accès.',
'revdelete-modify-missing' => 'Fôta en changient la piéce avouéc l'identifient $1 : el est manquenta dedens la bâsa de balyês !',
'revdelete-no-change' => "'''Atencion :''' la piéce datâye du $1 a $2 at ja la configuracion de visibilitât demandâye.",
'revdelete-concurrent-change' => 'Fôta en changient la piéce datâye du $1 a $2 : lo sin statut semble étre étâ changiê per un ôtro justo que vos èprovâvâd d'o changiér.
Se vos plét, controlâd los jornals.',
'revdelete-only-restricted' => 'Fôta en cachient la piéce datâye du $1 a $2 : vos pouede pas rèprimar celes piéces de la vua ux administrators sen chouèsir avouéc des ôtros chouèx de visibilitât.',
'revdelete-reason-dropdown' => '*Rêsons corentes de suprèssion
** Violacion du drêt d'ôtor
** Comentèros ou ben enformacions a sè que vant pas avouéc
** Nom d'utilisator que vat pas avouéc
** Enformacions que pôvont étre difamatouères',
'revdelete-otherreason' => 'Ôtra rêson / rêson de ples :',
'revdelete-reasonotherlist' => 'Ôtra rêson',
'revdelete-edit-reasonlist' => 'Changiér les rêsons de suprèssion',
'revdelete-offender' => 'Ôtor de la vèrsion :',
# Suppression log
'suppressionlog' => 'Jornal de les suprèssions',
'suppressionlogtext' => 'Vê-que na lista de les suprèssions et des blocâjos qu'ant de contegnu cachiê ux administrators.
Vêde la [[Special:BlockList|lista des blocâjos]] por la lista des banissements et des blocâjos que sont ora actifs.',
# History merging
'mergehistory' => 'Fusionar los historicos de les pâges',
'mergehistory-header' => 'Ceta pâge vos pèrmèt de fusionar des vèrsions de l'historico d'una pâge d'origina vers na pâge novèla.
Assurâd-vos que cél changement consèrverat la continuitât de l'historico de la pâge.',
'mergehistory-box' => 'Fusionar les vèrsions de doves pâges :',
'mergehistory-from' => 'Pâge d'origina :',
'mergehistory-into' => 'Pâge de dèstinacion :',
'mergehistory-list' => 'Historico des changements que pôvont étre fusionâs',
'mergehistory-merge' => 'Cetes vèrsions de [[:$1]] pôvont étre fusionâyes dedens [[:$2]].
Empleyéd la colona de botons de chouèx por fusionar ren que les vèrsions fêtes du comencement tant qu'a la dâta spècifiâye.
Notâd que l'usâjo des lims de navigacion rebeterat a zérô cela colona.',
'mergehistory-go' => 'Montrar los changements que pôvont étre fusionâs',
'mergehistory-submit' => 'Fusionar les vèrsions',
'mergehistory-empty' => 'Niona vèrsion pôt étre fusionâye.',
'mergehistory-success' => '$3 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$3||s}} de [[:$1]] fusionâye{{PLURAL:$3||s}} avouéc reusséta dedens [[:$2]].',
'mergehistory-fail' => 'Y at pas moyen de fâre la fusion des historicos, se vos plét tornâd chouèsir la pâge et pués los paramètros de dâta.',
'mergehistory-no-source' => 'La pâge d'origina $1 ègziste pas.',
'mergehistory-no-destination' => 'La pâge de dèstinacion $1 ègziste pas.',
'mergehistory-invalid-source' => 'La pâge d'origina dêt avêr un titro justo.',
'mergehistory-invalid-destination' => 'La pâge de dèstinacion dêt avêr un titro justo.',
'mergehistory-autocomment' => '[[:$1]] fusionâye dedens [[:$2]]',
'mergehistory-comment' => '[[:$1]] fusionâye dedens [[:$2]] : $3',
'mergehistory-same-destination' => 'Les pâges d'origina et de dèstinacion pôvont pas étre la méma',
'mergehistory-reason' => 'Rêson :',
# Merge log
'mergelog' => 'Jornal de les fusions',
'pagemerge-logentry' => '[[$1]] fusionâye dedens [[$2]] (vèrsions tant qu'u $3)',
'revertmerge' => 'Sèparar',
'mergelogpagetext' => 'Vê-que na lista de les fusions les ples novèles de l'historico d'una pâge dedens celi d'un'ôtra.',
# Diffs
'history-title' => 'Historico de les vèrsions de « $1 »',
'difference-title' => 'Difèrences entre les vèrsions de « $1 »',
'difference-title-multipage' => 'Difèrences entre les pâges « $1 » et « $2 »',
'difference-multipage' => '(Difèrences entre les pâges)',
'lineno' => 'Legne $1 :',
'compareselectedversions' => 'Comparar les vèrsions chouèsies',
'showhideselectedversions' => 'Montrar / cachiér les vèrsions chouèsies',
'editundo' => 'dèfâre',
'diff-empty' => '(Niona difèrence)',
'diff-multi' => '({{PLURAL:$1|Na vèrsion entèrmèdièra|$1 vèrsions entèrmèdières}} per {{PLURAL:$2|un utilisator|$2 utilisators}} {{PLURAL:$1|est pas montrâye|sont pas montrâyes}})',
'diff-multi-manyusers' => '({{PLURAL:$1|Na vèrsion entèrmèdièra|$1 vèrsions entèrmèdières}} per més de $2 utilisator{{PLURAL:$2||s}} {{PLURAL:$1|est pas montrâye|sont pas montrâyes}})',
'difference-missing-revision' => '{{PLURAL:$2|Na vèrsion|$2 vèrsions}} de cela difèrence ($1) {{PLURAL:$2|est pas étâye trovâye|sont pas étâyes trovâyes}}.
En g·ènèral cen arreve en siuvent un lim d'una dif dèpassâye de vers na pâge qu'est étâye suprimâye.
Vos pouede trovar més de dètalys sur lo [{{fullurl:{{#Special:Log}}/delete|page={{FULLPAGENAMEE}}}} jornal de les suprèssions].',
# Search results
'searchresults' => 'Rèsultats de la rechèrche',
'searchresults-title' => 'Rèsultats de la rechèrche por « $1 »',
'searchresulttext' => 'Por més d'enformacions sur la rechèrche dedens {{SITENAME}}, vêde [[{{MediaWiki:Helppage}}|{{int:help}}]].',
'searchsubtitle' => "Vos éd rechèrchiê « '''[[:$1]]''' » ([[Special:Prefixindex/$1|totes les pâges que començont per « $1 »]]{{int:pipe-separator}}[[Special:WhatLinksHere/$1|totes les pâges qu'ant un lim de vers « $1 »]])",
'searchsubtitleinvalid' => "Vos éd rechèrchiê « '''$1''' »",
'toomanymatches' => 'Un mouél de corrèspondances est étâ retornâ, se vos plét èprovâd na rechèrche difèrenta',
'titlematches' => 'Corrèspondances dedens los titros de les pâges',
'notitlematches' => 'Niona corrèspondance dedens los titros de les pâges',
'textmatches' => 'Corrèspondances dedens lo tèxto de les pâges',
'notextmatches' => 'Niona corrèspondance dedens lo tèxto de les pâges',
'prevn' => '{{PLURAL:$1|$1}} devant',
'nextn' => '{{PLURAL:$1|$1}} aprés',
'prevn-title' => '$1 rèsultat{{PLURAL:$1||s}} devant',
'nextn-title' => '$1 rèsultat{{PLURAL:$1||s}} aprés',
'shown-title' => 'Montrar $1 rèsultat{{PLURAL:$1||s}} per pâge',
'viewprevnext' => 'Vêre ($1 {{int:pipe-separator}} $2) ($3)',
'searchmenu-legend' => 'Chouèx de rechèrche',
'searchmenu-exists' => "'''Y at na pâge apelâye « [[:$1]] » sur ceti vouiqui.'''",
'searchmenu-new' => "'''Fâre la pâge « [[:$1|$1]] » sur ceti vouiqui !'''",
'searchmenu-prefix' => '[[Special:PrefixIndex/$1|Fâre dèfelar les pâges que començont per ceti prèfixo]]',
'searchprofile-articles' => 'Pâges de contegnu',
'searchprofile-project' => 'Pâges d'éde et pâges projèt',
'searchprofile-images' => 'Multimèdia',
'searchprofile-everything' => 'Tot',
'searchprofile-advanced' => 'Rechèrche avanciêe',
'searchprofile-articles-tooltip' => 'Rechèrchiér dedens $1',
'searchprofile-project-tooltip' => 'Rechèrchiér dedens $1',
'searchprofile-images-tooltip' => 'Rechèrchiér des fichiérs',
'searchprofile-everything-tooltip' => 'Rechèrchiér dedens tot lo contegnu (les pâges de discussion avouéc)',
'searchprofile-advanced-tooltip' => 'Chouèsir los èspâços de noms por la rechèrche',
'search-result-size' => '$1 ($2 mot{{PLURAL:$2||s}})',
'search-result-category-size' => '$1 membro{{PLURAL:$1||s}} ($2 sot-catègorie{{PLURAL:$2||s}}, $3 fichiér{{PLURAL:$3||s}})',
'search-result-score' => 'Rapôrt : $1%',
'search-redirect' => '(redirèccion dês $1)',
'search-section' => '(sèccion $1)',
'search-suggest' => 'Voléd-vos dére : $1',
'search-interwiki-caption' => 'Projèts frâres',
'search-interwiki-default' => 'Rèsultats dessus $1 :',
'search-interwiki-more' => '(més)',
'search-relatedarticle' => 'Aparentâ',
'mwsuggest-disable' => 'Dèsactivar les idês de rechèrche',
'searcheverything-enable' => 'Rechèrchiér dedens tôs los èspâços de noms',
'searchrelated' => 'aparentâ',
'searchall' => 'tot',
'showingresults' => "Vua de '''$1''' rèsultat{{PLURAL:$1||s}} dês lo numerô '''$2'''.",
'showingresultsnum' => "Vua de '''$3''' rèsultat{{PLURAL:$3||s}} dês lo numerô '''$2'''.",
'showingresultsheader' => "{{PLURAL:$5|Rèsultat '''$1'''|Rèsultats '''$1 - $2'''}} de '''$3''' por '''$4'''",
'nonefound' => "'''Nota :''' solament quârques èspâços de noms sont rechèrchiês per dèfôt.
Èprovâd en empleyent lo prèfixo ''all:'' por rechèrchiér dedens tot lo contegnu (les pâges de discussion, los modèlos, et tot cen que vat avouéc) ou ben empleyéd l'èspâço de noms volu coment prèfixo.",
'search-nonefound' => 'Y at gins de rèsultat que corrèspond a la rechèrche.',
'powersearch' => 'Rechèrche avanciêe',
'powersearch-legend' => 'Rechèrche avanciêe',
'powersearch-ns' => 'Rechèrchiér dedens los èspâços de noms :',
'powersearch-redir' => 'Listar les redirèccions',
'powersearch-field' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'powersearch-togglelabel' => 'Chouèsir :',
'powersearch-toggleall' => 'Tôs',
'powersearch-togglenone' => 'Pas yon',
'search-external' => 'Rechèrche de defôr',
'searchdisabled' => 'La rechèrche dessus {{SITENAME}} est dèsactivâye.
Pendent cél temps, vos pouede fâre na rechèrche avouéc Google.
Notâd que lor endèxacion du contegnu de {{SITENAME}} pôt pas étre a jorn.',
'search-error' => 'Na fôta est arrevâye en rechèrchient : $1',
# Preferences page
'preferences' => 'Prèferences',
'mypreferences' => 'Prèferences',
'prefs-edits' => 'Nombro de changements :',
'prefsnologin' => 'Pas branchiê',
'prefsnologintext' => 'Vos dête étre <span class="plainlinks">[{{fullurl:{{#Special:UserLogin}}|returnto=$1}} branchiê]</span> por dèfenir les prèferences utilisator.',
'changepassword' => 'Changiér lo contresegno',
'prefs-skin' => 'Habelyâjo',
'skin-preview' => 'Prèvêre',
'datedefault' => 'Niona prèference',
'prefs-beta' => 'Fonccionalitâts « Bèta »',
'prefs-datetime' => 'Dâta et hora',
'prefs-labs' => 'Fonccionalitâts « Laboratiors »',
'prefs-user-pages' => 'Pâges utilisator',
'prefs-personal' => 'Enformacions a sè',
'prefs-rc' => 'Dèrriérs changements',
'prefs-watchlist' => 'Lista de siuvu',
'prefs-watchlist-days' => 'Nombro de jorns a montrar dedens la lista de siuvu :',
'prefs-watchlist-days-max' => 'Por lo més $1 jorn{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'prefs-watchlist-edits' => 'Nombro maximon de changements a montrar dedens la lista de siuvu ètendua :',
'prefs-watchlist-edits-max' => 'Nombro maximon : 1000',
'prefs-watchlist-token' => 'Jeton por la lista de siuvu :',
'prefs-misc' => 'De totes sôrtes',
'prefs-resetpass' => 'Changiér lo contresegno',
'prefs-changeemail' => 'Changiér l'adrèce èlèctronica',
'prefs-setemail' => 'Dèfenir un'adrèce èlèctronica',
'prefs-email' => 'Chouèx de mèssageria èlèctronica',
'prefs-rendering' => 'Aparence',
'saveprefs' => 'Encartar',
'resetprefs' => 'Èfaciér los changements pas encartâs',
'restoreprefs' => 'Rètablir tota la configuracion per dèfôt',
'prefs-editing' => 'Changement',
'rows' => 'Renches :',
'columns' => 'Colones :',
'searchresultshead' => 'Rechèrche',
'resultsperpage' => 'Nombro de rèponses per pâge :',
'stub-threshold' => 'Limita d'amont por los <a href="#" class="stub">lims de vers los començons</a> (octèts) :',
'stub-threshold-disabled' => 'Dèsactivâ',
'recentchangesdays' => 'Nombro de jorns a montrar dedens los dèrriérs changements :',
'recentchangesdays-max' => 'Por lo més $1 jorn{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'recentchangescount' => 'Nombro de changements a montrar per dèfôt :',
'prefs-help-recentchangescount' => 'Los dèrriérs changements, los historicos de pâges et los jornals avouéc.',
'savedprefs' => 'Voutres prèferences sont étâyes encartâyes.',
'timezonelegend' => 'Fus horèro :',
'localtime' => 'Hora locâla :',
'timezoneuseserverdefault' => 'Empleyér la valor du vouiqui per dèfôt ($1)',
'timezoneuseoffset' => 'Ôtro (spècifiar lo dècalâjo)',
'timezoneoffset' => 'Dècalâjo horèro¹ :',
'servertime' => 'Hora du sèrvior :',
'guesstimezone' => 'Empleyér la valor du navigator',
'timezoneregion-africa' => 'Africa',
'timezoneregion-america' => 'Amèriques',
'timezoneregion-antarctica' => 'Antartica',
'timezoneregion-arctic' => 'Artico',
'timezoneregion-asia' => 'Asia',
'timezoneregion-atlantic' => 'Ocèan atlantico',
'timezoneregion-australia' => 'Ôstralie',
'timezoneregion-europe' => 'Eropa',
'timezoneregion-indian' => 'Ocèan endien',
'timezoneregion-pacific' => 'Ocèan pacifico',
'allowemail' => 'Activar l'èxpèdicion de mèssâjos que vegnont d'ôtros utilisators',
'prefs-searchoptions' => 'Rechèrche',
'prefs-namespaces' => 'Èspâços de noms',
'defaultns' => 'Ôtrament rechèrchiér dedens cetos èspâços de noms :',
'default' => 'dèfôt',
'prefs-files' => 'Fichiérs',
'prefs-custom-css' => 'CSS pèrsonalisâ',
'prefs-custom-js' => 'JavaScript pèrsonalisâ',
'prefs-common-css-js' => 'CSS / JS partagiê por tôs los habelyâjos :',
'prefs-reset-intro' => 'Vos pouede empleyér ceta pâge por rètablir voutres prèferences a les valors du seto per dèfôt.
Cen pôt pas étre dèfêt.',
'prefs-emailconfirm-label' => 'Confirmacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica :',
'youremail' => 'Adrèce èlèctronica :',
'username' => 'Nom d'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}} :',
'uid' => 'Identifient d'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}} :',
'prefs-memberingroups' => '{{GENDER:$2|Membro}} de l{{PLURAL:$1|a tropa|es tropes}} :',
'prefs-registration' => 'Dâta d'encartâjo :',
'yourrealname' => 'Veré nom :',
'yourlanguage' => 'Lengoua :',
'yourvariant' => 'Varianta de la lengoua du contegnu :',
'prefs-help-variant' => 'Voutra varianta voutron ortografia prèferâye por fâre vêre les pâges de contegnu de ceti vouiqui.',
'yournick' => 'Signatura novèla :',
'prefs-help-signature' => 'Los comentèros sur les pâges de discussion dêvont étre signês avouéc « <nowiki>~~~~</nowiki> » que serat convèrti per voutra signatura et un horodatâjo.',
'badsig' => 'Signatura bruta pas justa.
Controlâd les balises HTML.',
'badsiglength' => 'Voutra signatura est trop longe.
Dêt pas dèpassar $1 caractèro{{PLURAL:$1||s}}.',
'yourgender' => 'Sèxo :',
'gender-unknown' => 'Pas rensègnê',
'gender-male' => 'Masculin',
'gender-female' => 'Femenin',
'prefs-help-gender' => 'U chouèx : empleyê por acordar en sèxo los mèssâjos de la programeria.
Cel'enformacion serat publica.',
'email' => 'Mèssageria èlèctronica',
'prefs-help-realname' => 'L'endicacion du veré nom est u chouèx.
Se vos chouèsésséd de lo balyér, serat empleyê por vos atribuar voutres ôvres.',
'prefs-help-email' => 'L'endicacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica est u chouèx, mas el est nècèssèra por rebetar a zérô voutron contresegno, se vos vegnévâd a l'oubliar.',
'prefs-help-email-others' => 'Vos porriâd asse-ben chouèsir de lèssiér los ôtros sè veriér vers vos per mèssageria èlèctronica avouéc un lim sur voutra pâge utilisator ou ben de discussion sen que seye nècèssèro de rèvèlar voutron identitât.',
'prefs-help-email-required' => 'Un'adrèce èlèctronica est nècèssèra.',
'prefs-info' => 'Enformacions de bâsa',
'prefs-i18n' => 'Entèrnacionalisacion',
'prefs-signature' => 'Signatura',
'prefs-dateformat' => 'Format de la dâta',
'prefs-timeoffset' => 'Dècalâjo horèro',
'prefs-advancedediting' => 'Chouèx avanciês',
'prefs-advancedrc' => 'Chouèx avanciês',
'prefs-advancedrendering' => 'Chouèx avanciês',
'prefs-advancedsearchoptions' => 'Chouèx avanciês',
'prefs-advancedwatchlist' => 'Chouèx avanciês',
'prefs-displayrc' => 'Chouèx de vua',
'prefs-displaysearchoptions' => 'Chouèx de vua',
'prefs-displaywatchlist' => 'Chouèx de vua',
'prefs-diffs' => 'Difèrences',
# User preference: email validation using jQuery
'email-address-validity-valid' => 'L'adrèce èlèctronica semble justa',
'email-address-validity-invalid' => 'Buchiéd un'adrèce èlèctronica justa',
# User rights
'userrights' => 'Administracion des drêts d'utilisator',
'userrights-lookup-user' => 'Administracion de les tropes d'utilisators',
'userrights-user-editname' => 'Buchiéd un nom d'utilisator :',
'editusergroup' => 'Changiér les tropes d'utilisators',
'editinguser' => "Changement des drêts d'utilisator de l'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}} '''[[User:$1|$1]]''' $2",
'userrights-editusergroup' => 'Changiér les tropes d'utilisators',
'saveusergroups' => 'Encartar les tropes d'utilisators',
'userrights-groupsmember' => 'Membr{{GENDER:$2|o|a}} de :',
'userrights-groupsmember-auto' => '{{GENDER:$2|Membro tacito|Membra tacita}} de :',
'userrights-groups-help' => 'Vos pouede changiér les tropes a lesquintes est cet'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}} :
* Na câsa pouentâye vôt dére que l'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}} sè trôve dedens cela tropa.
* Na câsa pas pouentâye vôt dére qu'y sè trôve pas.
* Na petiôt'ètêla (*) endique que vos pouede pas enlevar cela tropa setout que vos l'éd apondua ou ben l'una l'ôtra.',
'userrights-reason' => 'Rêson :',
'userrights-no-interwiki' => 'Vos éd pas la pèrmission de changiér des drêts d'utilisator dessus d'ôtros vouiquis.',
'userrights-nodatabase' => 'La bâsa de balyês « $1 » ègziste pas ou ben est pas locâla.',
'userrights-nologin' => 'Vos vos dête [[Special:UserLogin|branchiér]] avouéc un compto d'administrator por balyér des drêts d'utilisator.',
'userrights-notallowed' => 'Voutron compto at pas la pèrmission de balyér ou ben enlevar des drêts d'utilisator.',
'userrights-changeable-col' => 'Les tropes que vos pouede changiér',
'userrights-unchangeable-col' => 'Les tropes que vos pouede pas changiér',
# Groups
'group' => 'Tropa :',
'group-user' => 'Utilisators',
'group-autoconfirmed' => 'Utilisators ôtoconfirmâs',
'group-bot' => 'Robots',
'group-sysop' => 'Administrators',
'group-bureaucrat' => 'Grata-papiérs',
'group-suppress' => 'Supèrvisors',
'group-all' => '(tôs)',
'group-user-member' => 'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}}',
'group-autoconfirmed-member' => 'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or ôtoconfirmâ|rice ôtoconfirmâye}}',
'group-bot-member' => '{{GENDER:$1|robot}}',
'group-sysop-member' => 'administrat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}}',
'group-bureaucrat-member' => '{{GENDER:$1|grata-papiér}}',
'group-suppress-member' => 'supèrviso{{GENDER:$1|r|sa}}',
'grouppage-user' => '{{ns:project}}:Utilisators',
'grouppage-autoconfirmed' => '{{ns:project}}:Utilisators ôtoconfirmâs',
'grouppage-bot' => '{{ns:project}}:Robots',
'grouppage-sysop' => '{{ns:project}}:Administrators',
'grouppage-bureaucrat' => '{{ns:project}}:Grata-papiérs',
'grouppage-suppress' => '{{ns:project}}:Supèrvisors',
# Rights
'right-read' => 'Liére les pâges',
'right-edit' => 'Changiér les pâges',
'right-createpage' => 'Fâre des pâges (que sont pas des pâges de discussion)',
'right-createtalk' => 'Fâre des pâges de discussion',
'right-createaccount' => 'Fâre des comptos utilisator novéls',
'right-minoredit' => 'Marcar los changements coment petiôts',
'right-move' => 'Dèplaciér des pâges',
'right-move-subpages' => 'Dèplaciér des pâges avouéc lors sot-pâges',
'right-move-rootuserpages' => 'Dèplaciér des pâges utilisator principâles',
'right-movefile' => 'Dèplaciér des fichiérs',
'right-suppressredirect' => 'Pas fâre de redirèccion dês la pâge d'origina en dèplacient na pâge',
'right-upload' => 'Tèlèchargiér des fichiérs',
'right-reupload' => 'Ècllafar un fichiér ègzistent',
'right-reupload-own' => 'Ècllafar un fichiér ègzistent tèlèchargiê per sè-mémo',
'right-reupload-shared' => 'Ècllafar localament un fichiér present sur un dèpôt de fichiérs mèdia partagiê',
'right-upload_by_url' => 'Tèlèchargiér un fichiér dês un'URL',
'right-purge' => 'Purgiér lo cacho du seto d'una pâge sen confirmacion',
'right-autoconfirmed' => 'Changiér les pâges mié-protègiêes',
'right-bot' => 'Étre trètâ coment na mètoda ôtomatisâye',
'right-nominornewtalk' => 'Pas dècllenchiér la notificacion de mèssâjo novél quand fant un petiôt changement sur la pâge de discussion d'un utilisator',
'right-apihighlimits' => 'Empleyér des limites ples hôtes dedens les demandes API',
'right-writeapi' => 'Empleyér l'API d'ècritura',
'right-delete' => 'Suprimar des pâges',
'right-bigdelete' => 'Suprimar des pâges qu'ant un grôs historico',
'right-deletelogentry' => 'Suprimar et refâre un'entrâ spècifica du jornal',
'right-deleterevision' => 'Suprimar et refâre na vèrsion spècifica d'una pâge',
'right-deletedhistory' => 'Vêre les entrâs suprimâyes de l'historico sen lor tèxto',
'right-deletedtext' => 'Vêre lo tèxto suprimâ et los changements entre les vèrsions suprimâyes',
'right-browsearchive' => 'Rechèrchiér des pâges suprimâyes',
'right-undelete' => 'Refâre na pâge',
'right-suppressrevision' => 'Revêre et refâre les vèrsions cachiêes ux administrators',
'right-suppressionlog' => 'Vêre los jornals privâs',
'right-block' => 'Blocar en ècritura d'ôtros utilisators',
'right-blockemail' => 'Empachiér un utilisator de mandar des mèssâjos',
'right-hideuser' => 'Blocar un utilisator en cachient son nom u publico',
'right-ipblock-exempt' => 'Èvitar los blocâjos d'adrèces IP, los blocâjos ôtomaticos et los blocâjos de plages d'adrèces IP',
'right-proxyunbannable' => 'Èvitar los blocâjos ôtomaticos de proxis',
'right-unblockself' => 'Sè dèblocar lor-mémos',
'right-protect' => 'Changiér lo nivél de protèccion et pués changiér les pâges protègiêes',
'right-editprotected' => 'Changiér les pâges protègiêes (sen protèccion en cascâda)',
'right-editinterface' => 'Changiér l'entèrface utilisator',
'right-editusercssjs' => 'Changiér los fichiérs CSS et JavaScript d'ôtros utilisators',
'right-editusercss' => 'Changiér los fichiérs CSS d'ôtros utilisators',
'right-edituserjs' => 'Changiér los fichiérs JavaScript d'ôtros utilisators',
'right-rollback' => 'Rèvocar rêdo los changements du dèrriér utilisator qu'at changiê na pâge particuliére',
'right-markbotedits' => 'Marcar des changements rèvocâs coment étent étâs fêts per un robot',
'right-noratelimit' => 'Pas étre afèctâ per les limites de quota',
'right-import' => 'Importar des pâges dês d'ôtros vouiquis',
'right-importupload' => 'Importar des pâges dês un fichiér tèlèchargiê',
'right-patrol' => 'Marcar los changements des ôtros coment gouardâs',
'right-autopatrol' => 'Avêr los sins changements marcâs ôtomaticament coment gouardâs',
'right-patrolmarks' => 'Vêre les mârques de gouârda dedens los dèrriérs changements',
'right-unwatchedpages' => 'Vêre na lista de les pâges pas siuvues',
'right-mergehistory' => 'Fusionar los historicos de les pâges',
'right-userrights' => 'Changiér tôs los drêts d'un utilisator',
'right-userrights-interwiki' => 'Changiér los drêts d'utilisator des utilisators que sont sur un ôtro vouiqui',
'right-siteadmin' => 'Vèrrolyér et dèvèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês',
'right-override-export-depth' => 'Èxportar les pâges avouéc les pâges liyêes tant qu'a na provondior de 5 nivéls',
'right-sendemail' => 'Mandar un mèssâjo ux ôtros utilisators',
'right-passwordreset' => 'Vêre los mèssâjos de remês'a zérô des contresegnos',
# Special:Log/newusers
'newuserlogpage' => 'Jornal de les crèacions d'utilisators',
'newuserlogpagetext' => 'O est un jornal de les crèacions d'utilisators.',
# User rights log
'rightslog' => 'Jornal des drêts d'utilisator',
'rightslogtext' => 'O est un jornal des changements des drêts d'utilisator.',
# Associated actions - in the sentence "You do not have permission to X"
'action-read' => 'liére cela pâge',
'action-edit' => 'changiér cela pâge',
'action-createpage' => 'fâre des pâges',
'action-createtalk' => 'fâre des pâges de discussion',
'action-createaccount' => 'fâre cél compto utilisator',
'action-minoredit' => 'marcar cél changement coment petiôt',
'action-move' => 'dèplaciér cela pâge',
'action-move-subpages' => 'dèplaciér cela pâge et les sines sot-pâges',
'action-move-rootuserpages' => 'dèplaciér les pâges utilisator principâles',
'action-movefile' => 'dèplaciér cél fichiér',
'action-upload' => 'tèlèchargiér cél fichiér',
'action-reupload' => 'ècllafar cél fichiér ègzistent',
'action-reupload-shared' => 'ècllafar localament cél fichiér present sur un dèpôt partagiê',
'action-upload_by_url' => 'tèlèchargiér cél fichiér dês un'URL',
'action-writeapi' => 'empleyér l'API d'ècritura',
'action-delete' => 'suprimar cela pâge',
'action-deleterevision' => 'suprimar cela vèrsion',
'action-deletedhistory' => 'vêre l'historico suprimâ de cela pâge',
'action-browsearchive' => 'rechèrchiér des pâges suprimâyes',
'action-undelete' => 'refâre cela pâge',
'action-suppressrevision' => 'revêre et refâre cela vèrsion cachiêe',
'action-suppressionlog' => 'vêre cél jornal privâ',
'action-block' => 'blocar en ècritura cél utilisator',
'action-protect' => 'changiér los nivéls de protèccion por cela pâge',
'action-rollback' => 'rèvocar rêdo los changements du dèrriér utilisator qu'at changiê na pâge particuliére',
'action-import' => 'importar cela pâge dês un ôtro vouiqui',
'action-importupload' => 'importar cela pâge dês un fichiér tèlèchargiê',
'action-patrol' => 'marcar lo changement des ôtros coment gouardâ',
'action-autopatrol' => 'avêr voutron changement marcâ coment gouardâ',
'action-unwatchedpages' => 'vêre la lista de les pâges pas siuvues',
'action-mergehistory' => 'fusionar l'historico de cela pâge',
'action-userrights' => 'changiér tôs los drêts d'utilisator',
'action-userrights-interwiki' => 'changiér los drêts d'utilisator des utilisators que sont sur un ôtro vouiqui',
'action-siteadmin' => 'vèrrolyér ou ben dèvèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês',
'action-sendemail' => 'mandar des mèssâjos',
# Recent changes
'nchanges' => '$1 changement{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'recentchanges' => 'Dèrriérs changements',
'recentchanges-legend' => 'Chouèx des dèrriérs changements',
'recentchanges-summary' => 'Siude los dèrriérs changements du vouiqui sur ceta pâge.',
'recentchanges-feed-description' => 'Siude los dèrriérs changements du vouiqui dedens ceti flux.',
'recentchanges-label-newpage' => 'Ceti changement at fêt na pâge novèla',
'recentchanges-label-minor' => 'O est un petiôt changement',
'recentchanges-label-bot' => 'Ceti changement est étâ fêt per un robot',
'recentchanges-label-unpatrolled' => 'Ceti changement est p'oncor étâ gouardâ',
'rcnote' => "Vê-que {{PLURAL:$1|lo dèrriér changement fêt|los '''$1''' dèrriérs changements fêts}} pendent {{PLURAL:$2|lo jorn passâ|los '''$2''' jorns passâs}} tant qu'a $5 lo $4.",
'rcnotefrom' => "Vê-que los changements fêts dês lo '''$2''' (tant qu'a '''$1''' montrâs).",
'rclistfrom' => 'Montrar los novéls changements dês lo $1',
'rcshowhideminor' => '$1 los petiôts changements',
'rcshowhidebots' => '$1 los robots',
'rcshowhideliu' => '$1 los utilisators branchiês',
'rcshowhideanons' => '$1 los utilisators anonimos',
'rcshowhidepatr' => '$1 los changements gouardâs',
'rcshowhidemine' => '$1 los mins changements',
'rclinks' => 'Montrar los $1 dèrriérs changements fêts pendent los $2 jorns passâs<br />$3',
'diff' => 'dif',
'hist' => 'hist',
'hide' => 'Cachiér',
'show' => 'Montrar',
'minoreditletter' => 'p',
'newpageletter' => 'N',
'boteditletter' => 'r',
'number_of_watching_users_pageview' => '[$1 {{PLURAL:$1|utilisator qu'est|utilisators que sont}} aprés siuvre]',
'rc_categories' => 'Limita de les catègories (sèparacion avouéc « | »)',
'rc_categories_any' => 'Totes',
'rc-change-size-new' => '$1 octèt{{PLURAL:$1||s}} aprés changement',
'newsectionsummary' => '/* $1 */ novèla sèccion',
'rc-enhanced-expand' => 'Montrar los dètalys (at fôta de JavaScript)',
'rc-enhanced-hide' => 'Cachiér los dètalys',
'rc-old-title' => 'fêta avouéc lo titro originâl « $1 »',
# Recent changes linked
'recentchangeslinked' => 'Changements liyês',
'recentchangeslinked-feed' => 'Changements liyês',
'recentchangeslinked-toolbox' => 'Changements liyês',
'recentchangeslinked-title' => 'Changements liyês a « $1 »',
'recentchangeslinked-summary' => "O est na lista des dèrriérs changements sur les pâges liyêes a na pâge spècifiâye (sur los membros d'una catègorie spècifiâye).
Les pâges de voutra [[Special:Watchlist|lista de siuvu]] sont en '''grâs'''.",
'recentchangeslinked-page' => 'Nom de la pâge :',
'recentchangeslinked-to' => 'Montrar pletout los changements sur les pâges liyêes a la pâge balyêe',
# Upload
'upload' => 'Tèlèchargiér un fichiér',
'uploadbtn' => 'Tèlèchargiér lo fichiér',
'reuploaddesc' => 'Anular lo tèlèchargement et pués tornar u formulèro de tèlèchargement',
'upload-tryagain' => 'Mandar la dèscripcion du fichiér changiê',
'uploadnologin' => 'Pas branchiê(ye)',
'uploadnologintext' => 'Vos dête étre [[Special:UserLogin|branchiê(ye)]] por povêr tèlèchargiér des fichiérs.',
'upload_directory_missing' => 'Lo rèpèrtouèro de tèlèchargement ($1) est manquent et at pas possu étre fêt per lo sèrvior Vouèbe.',
'upload_directory_read_only' => 'Lo rèpèrtouèro de tèlèchargement ($1) est pas accèssiblo en ècritura dês lo sèrvior Vouèbe.',
'uploaderror' => 'Fôta pendent lo tèlèchargement',
'upload-recreate-warning' => "'''Atencion : un fichiér avouéc cél nom est étâ suprimâ ou ben dèplaciê.'''
Por comoditât, lo jornal de les suprèssions et des dèplacements de cela pâge est balyê ce-desot :",
'uploadtext' => "Empleyéd lo formulèro ce-desot por tèlèchargiér des fichiérs.
Por vêre ou ben rechèrchiér des fichiérs tèlèchargiês dês devant, vêde la [[Special:FileList|lista des fichiérs tèlèchargiês]]. Los (re-)tèlèchargements sont asse-ben encartâs sur lo [[Special:Log/upload|jornal des tèlèchargements]], et les suprèssions sur lo [[Special:Log/delete|jornal de les suprèssions]].
Por entrebetar un fichiér dedens na pâge, empleyéd un lim de yona de cetes fôrmes :
* '''<code><nowiki>[[</nowiki>{{ns:file}}<nowiki>:Fichiér.jpg]]</nowiki></code>''' por empleyér la vèrsion en plêna largior du fichiér
* '''<code><nowiki>[[</nowiki>{{ns:file}}<nowiki>:Fichiér.png|200px|thumb|left|tèxto dèscriptif]]</nowiki></code>''' por empleyér na figura de 200 pixèls de lârjo dedens na bouèt'a gôche avouéc « tèxto dèscriptif » coment dèscripcion
* '''<code><nowiki>[[</nowiki>{{ns:media}}<nowiki>:Fichiér.ogg]]</nowiki></code>''' por liyér tot drêt vers lo fichiér sen lo fâre vêre",
'upload-permitted' => 'Tipos de fichiérs ôtorisâs : $1.',
'upload-preferred' => 'Tipos de fichiérs prèferâs : $1.',
'upload-prohibited' => 'Tipos de fichiérs dèfendus : $1.',
'uploadlog' => 'jornal des tèlèchargements',
'uploadlogpage' => 'Jornal des tèlèchargements',
'uploadlogpagetext' => 'Vê-que na lista des dèrriérs fichiérs tèlèchargiês.
Vêde la [[Special:NewFiles|galerie des novéls fichiérs]] por un apèrçu ples visuâl.',
'filename' => 'Nom du fichiér',
'filedesc' => 'Dèscripcion',
'fileuploadsummary' => 'Dèscripcion :',
'filereuploadsummary' => 'Changements du fichiér :',
'filestatus' => 'Statut du drêt d'ôtor :',
'filesource' => 'Sôrsa :',
'uploadedfiles' => 'Fichiérs tèlèchargiês',
'ignorewarning' => 'Ignorar la semonce et pués encartar lo fichiér dens tôs los câs',
'ignorewarnings' => 'Ignorar totes les semonces',
'minlength1' => 'Los noms de fichiérs dêvont contegnir por lo muens na lètra.',
'illegalfilename' => 'Lo nom de fichiér « $1 » contint des caractèros dèfendus dedens los titros de pâges.
Se vos plét, renomâd-lo et pués tornâd-lo tèlèchargiér.',
'filename-toolong' => 'Los noms de fichiérs pôvont pas dèpassar 240 octèts.',
'badfilename' => 'Lo nom du fichiér est étâ changiê en « $1 ».',
'filetype-mime-mismatch' => 'L'èxtension du fichiér « .$1 » corrèspond pas u tipo MIME dècelâ du fichiér ($2).',
'filetype-badmime' => 'Los fichiérs du tipo MIME « $1 » pôvont pas étre tèlèchargiês.',
'filetype-bad-ie-mime' => 'Lo fichiér pôt pas étre tèlèchargiê perce que serêt dècelâ coment « $1 » per Internet Explorer, cen que corrèspond a un tipo de fichiér dèfendu et pués pôt-étre dangerox.',
'filetype-unwanted-type' => "'''« .$1 »''' est un tipo de fichiér pas volu.
{{PLURAL:$3|Lo tipo de fichiér prèferâ est|Los tipos de fichiérs prèferâs sont}} $2.",
'filetype-banned-type' => "'''« .$1 »''' {{PLURAL:$4|est pas un tipo de fichiér ôtorisâ|sont pas des tipos de fichiérs ôtorisâs}}.
{{PLURAL:$3|Lo tipo de fichiér ôtorisâ est|Los tipos de fichiérs ôtorisâs sont}} $2.",
'filetype-missing' => 'Lo fichiér at gins d'èxtension (coment « .jpg » per ègzemplo).',
'empty-file' => 'Lo fichiér que vos éd mandâ ére vouedo.',
'file-too-large' => 'Lo fichiér que vos éd mandâ ére trop grôs.',
'filename-tooshort' => 'Lo nom du fichiér est trop côrt.',
'filetype-banned' => 'Cél tipo de fichiér est dèfendu.',
'verification-error' => 'Cél fichiér pâsse pas lo contrôlo des fichiérs.',
'hookaborted' => 'Lo changement que vos éd èprovâ de fâre est étâ anulâ per un'èxtension.',
'illegal-filename' => 'Lo nom du fichiér est pas ôtorisâ.',
'overwrite' => 'Ècllafar un fichiér ègzistent est pas ôtorisâ.',
'unknown-error' => 'Na fôta encognua est arrevâ.',
'tmp-create-error' => 'Y at pas moyen de fâre lo fichiér temporèro.',
'tmp-write-error' => 'Fôta d'ècritura du fichiér temporèro.',
'large-file' => 'O est recomandâ que los fichiérs seyont pas ples grôs que $1 ;
cél fichiér fât $2.',
'largefileserver' => 'Cél fichiér est ples grôs que lo sèrvior est configurâ por l'ôtorisar.',
'emptyfile' => 'Lo fichiér que vos éd tèlèchargiê semble étre vouedo.
Cen pôt étre diu a na fôta dedens lo nom du fichiér.
Se vos plét, controlâd que vos voléd franc tèlèchargiér cél fichiér.',
'windows-nonascii-filename' => 'Ceti vouiqui recognêt pas los noms de fichiérs avouéc des caractèros spèciâls.',
'fileexists' => 'Un fichiér avouéc cél nom ègziste ja, se vos plét controlâd <strong>[[:$1]]</strong> se vos éte pas de sûr de lo volêr changiér.
[[$1|thumb]]',
'filepageexists' => 'La pâge de dèscripcion por cél fichiér est ja étâye fêta ique <strong>[[:$1]]</strong>, mas nion fichiér avouéc cél nom ègziste ora.
Lo rèsumâ que vos voléd buchiér aparêtrat pas sur la pâge de dèscripcion.
Por o fâre, vos la devréd changiér a la man.
[[$1|thumb]]',
'fileexists-extension' => 'Un fichiér avouéc un nom d'ense ègziste ja : [[$2|thumb]]
* Nom du fichiér a tèlèchargiér : <strong>[[:$1]]</strong>
* Nom du fichiér ègzistent : <strong>[[:$2]]</strong>
Se vos plét, chouèsésséd-nen un ôtro.',
'fileexists-thumbnail-yes' => "Lo fichiér semble étre un'émâge en talye rèduita ''(figura)''.
[[$1|thumb]]
Se vos plét, controlâd lo fichiér <strong>[[:$1]]</strong>.
Se lo fichiér controlâ est la mém'émâge avouéc la talye originâla, y at pas fôta de tèlèchargiér na figura.",
'file-thumbnail-no' => "Lo nom du fichiér comence per <strong>$1</strong>.
Semble étre un'émâge en talye rèduita ''(figura)''.
Se vos éd cel'émâge en plêna rèsolucion, tèlèchargiéd-la, ôtrament changiéd lo sin nom, se vos plét.",
'fileexists-forbidden' => 'Un fichiér avouéc cél nom ègziste ja et pôt pas étre ècllafâ.
Se vos voléd adés tèlèchargiér voutron fichiér, se vos plét tornâd arriér et pués empleyéd un novél nom.
[[File:$1|thumb|center|$1]]',
'fileexists-shared-forbidden' => 'Un fichiér avouéc cél nom ègziste ja dedens lo dèpôt de fichiérs partagiê.
Se vos voléd adés tèlèchargiér voutron fichiér, se vos plét tornâd arriér et pués empleyéd un novél nom.
[[File:$1|thumb|center|$1]]',
'file-exists-duplicate' => 'Cél fichiér est un doblo {{PLURAL:$1|de ceti fichiér|de cetos fichiérs}} :',
'file-deleted-duplicate' => 'Un fichiér pariér a ceti ([[:$1]]) est ja étâ suprimâ.
Vos devriâd controlar lo jornal de les suprèssions de cél fichiér devant que lo tornar tèlèchargiér.',
'uploadwarning' => 'Semonce pendent lo tèlèchargement',
'uploadwarning-text' => 'Se vos plét, changiéd la dèscripcion du fichiér ce-desot et pués tornâd èprovar.',
'savefile' => 'Encartar lo fichiér',
'uploadedimage' => 'at tèlèchargiê « [[$1]] »',
'overwroteimage' => 'at tèlèchargiê na novèla vèrsion de « [[$1]] »',
'uploaddisabled' => 'Tèlèchargements dèsactivâs.',
'copyuploaddisabled' => 'Tèlèchargement per URL dèsactivâ.',
'uploadfromurl-queued' => 'Voutron tèlèchargement est étâ betâ dedens la renche d'atenta.',
'uploaddisabledtext' => 'Los tèlèchargements de fichiérs sont dèsactivâs.',
'php-uploaddisabledtext' => 'Los tèlèchargements de fichiérs sont dèsactivâs dedens PHP.
Se vos plét, controlâd la configuracion de « file_uploads ».',
'uploadscripted' => 'Cél fichiér contint de code HTML ou ben un scripte que porrêt étre entèrprètâ a tôrt per un navigator Vouèbe.',
'uploadvirus' => 'Cél fichiér contint un virus !
Dètalys : $1',
'uploadjava' => 'O est un fichiér ZIP que contint un fichiér Java « .class ».
Lo tèlèchargement de fichiérs Java est pas ôtorisâ, pôvont èvitar des rèstriccions de sècuritât.',
'upload-source' => 'Fichiér sôrsa',
'sourcefilename' => 'Nom du fichiér sôrsa :',
'sourceurl' => 'URL sôrsa :',
'destfilename' => 'Nom du fichiér de dèstinacion :',
'upload-maxfilesize' => 'Talye maximon du fichiér : $1',
'upload-description' => 'Dèscripcion du fichiér',
'upload-options' => 'Chouèx de tèlèchargement',
'watchthisupload' => 'Siuvre ceti fichiér',
'filewasdeleted' => 'Un fichiér avouéc cél nom est ja étâ tèlèchargiê et pués suprimâ.
Vos devriâd controlar lo $1 devant que lo tornar tèlèchargiér.',
'filename-bad-prefix' => "Lo nom du fichiér que vos tèlèchargiéd comence per '''« $1 »''' qu'est en g·ènèral un nom pas dèscriptif balyê ôtomaticament per los aparèlys-fotô numericos.
Se vos plét, chouèsésséd un nom ples dèscriptif por voutron fichiér.",
'filename-prefix-blacklist' => ' #<!-- lèssiéd ceta legne justo d'ense --> <pre>
# La sintaxa est ceta :
# * Tot tèxto que siut un « # » tant qu'a la fin de la legne est un comentèro.
# * Tota legne pas voueda est un prèfixo tipico de nom de fichiér balyê ôtomaticament per los aparèlys-fotô numericos :
CIMG # Casio
DSC_ # Nikon
DSCF # Fuji
DSCN # Nikon
DUW # quârques enfatâblos
IMG # g·ènèrico
JD # Jenoptik
MGP # Pentax
PICT # de totes sôrtes
#</pre> <!-- lèssiéd ceta legne justo d'ense -->',
'upload-success-subj' => 'Tèlèchargement fêt avouéc reusséta',
'upload-success-msg' => 'Voutron tèlèchargement dês [$2] at reussi. Il est disponiblo ique : [[:{{ns:file}}:$1]]',
'upload-failure-subj' => 'Problèmo pendent lo tèlèchargement',
'upload-failure-msg' => 'Y at avu un problèmo avouéc voutron tèlèchargement dês [$2] :
$1',
'upload-warning-subj' => 'Semonce pendent lo tèlèchargement',
'upload-warning-msg' => 'Y at avu un problèmo avouéc voutron tèlèchargement dês [$2]. Vos pouede tornar u [[Special:Upload/stash/$1|formulèro de tèlèchargement]] por trovar la sina solucion.',
'upload-proto-error' => 'Protocolo fôx',
'upload-proto-error-text' => 'Lo tèlèchargement a distance at fôta d'URLs que començont per <code>http://</code> ou ben <code>ftp://</code>.',
'upload-file-error' => 'Fôta de dedens',
'upload-file-error-text' => 'Na fôta de dedens est arrevâye en volent fâre un fichiér temporèro sur lo sèrvior.
Se vos plét, veriéd-vos vers un [[Special:ListUsers/sysop|administrator]].',
'upload-misc-error' => 'Fôta encognua pendent lo tèlèchargement',
'upload-misc-error-text' => 'Na fôta encognua est arrevâye pendent lo tèlèchargement.
Se vos plét, controlâd que l'URL est justa et accèssibla et pués tornâd èprovar.
Se lo problèmo continue, veriéd-vos vers un [[Special:ListUsers/sysop|administrator]].',
'upload-too-many-redirects' => 'L'URL contint trop de redirèccions',
'upload-unknown-size' => 'Talye encognua',
'upload-http-error' => 'Na fôta HTTP est arrevâye : $1',
'upload-copy-upload-invalid-domain' => 'Los tèlèchargements de copies sont pas disponiblos dês ceti domêno.',
# File backend
'backend-fail-stream' => 'Y at pas moyen de tramandar lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-backup' => 'Y at pas moyen d'encartar lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-notexists' => 'Lo fichiér $1 ègziste pas.',
'backend-fail-hashes' => 'Y at pas moyen d'avêr los chaplâjos du fichiér por comparèson.',
'backend-fail-notsame' => 'Un fichiér pas pariér ègziste ja a « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-invalidpath' => '« $1 » est pas un chemin de stocâjo justo.',
'backend-fail-delete' => 'Y at pas moyen de suprimar lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-describe' => 'Y at pas moyen de changiér les mètabalyês du fichiér « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-alreadyexists' => 'Lo fichiér « $1 » ègziste ja.',
'backend-fail-store' => 'Y at pas moyen de stocar lo fichiér « $1 » dedens « $2 ».',
'backend-fail-copy' => 'Y at pas moyen de copiyér lo fichiér « $1 » vers « $2 ».',
'backend-fail-move' => 'Y at pas moyen de dèplaciér lo fichiér « $1 » vers « $2 ».',
'backend-fail-opentemp' => 'Y at pas moyen d'uvrir lo fichiér temporèro.',
'backend-fail-writetemp' => 'Y at pas moyen d'ècrire dedens lo fichiér temporèro.',
'backend-fail-closetemp' => 'Y at pas moyen de cllôre lo fichiér temporèro.',
'backend-fail-read' => 'Y at pas moyen de liére lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-create' => 'Y at pas moyen d'ècrire lo fichiér « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-maxsize' => 'Y at pas moyen d'ècrire lo fichiér « $1 » perce qu'il est ples grôs {{PLURAL:$2|qu'un octèt|que $2 octèts}}.',
'backend-fail-readonly' => "Ora lo sistèmo de stocâjo « $1 » est justo en lèctura. La rêson balyêe est : « ''$2'' »",
'backend-fail-synced' => 'Lo fichiér « $1 » est dens un ètat dèsordonâ dedens los sistèmos de stocâjo de dedens',
'backend-fail-connect' => 'Y at pas moyen de sè branchiér u sistèmo de stocâjo « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-internal' => 'Na fôta encognua est arrevâye dedens lo sistèmo de stocâjo « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-contenttype' => 'Y at pas moyen de dètèrmenar lo tipo de contegnu du fichiér a stocar dedens « $1 ».',
'backend-fail-batchsize' => 'Lo sistèmo de stocâjo at balyê na pârt de $1 {{PLURAL:$1|opèracion|opèracions}} de fichiér ; la limita est $2 {{PLURAL:$2|opèracion|opèracions}}.',
'backend-fail-usable' => 'Y at pas moyen de liére d'ècrire lo fichiér « $1 » a côsa de pèrmissions ensufisentes ou ben de rèpèrtouèros / conteniors manquents.',
# File journal errors
'filejournal-fail-dbconnect' => 'Y at pas moyen de sè branchiér a la bâsa de balyês du jornal por lo sistèmo de stocâjo « $1 ».',
'filejournal-fail-dbquery' => 'Y at pas moyen de betar a jorn la bâsa de balyês du jornal por lo sistèmo de stocâjo « $1 ».',
# Lock manager
'lockmanager-notlocked' => 'Y at pas moyen de dèvèrrolyér « $1 » ; il est pas vèrrolyê.',
'lockmanager-fail-closelock' => 'Y at pas moyen de cllôre lo fichiér de vèrroly por « $1 ».',
'lockmanager-fail-deletelock' => 'Y at pas moyen de suprimar lo fichiér de vèrroly por « $1 ».',
'lockmanager-fail-acquirelock' => 'Y at pas moyen d'avêr lo vèrroly por « $1 ».',
'lockmanager-fail-openlock' => 'Y at pas moyen d'uvrir lo fichiér de vèrroly por « $1 ».',
'lockmanager-fail-releaselock' => 'Y at pas moyen de relâchiér lo vèrroly por « $1 ».',
'lockmanager-fail-db-bucket' => 'Y at pas moyen de sè veriér vers prod de bâses de balyês de vèrroly dedens la sèlye $1.',
'lockmanager-fail-db-release' => 'Y at pas moyen de relâchiér los vèrrolys sur la bâsa de balyês $1.',
'lockmanager-fail-svr-acquire' => 'Y at pas moyen d'avêr des vèrrolys sur lo sèrvior $1.',
'lockmanager-fail-svr-release' => 'Y at pas moyen de relâchiér los vèrrolys sur lo sèrvior $1.',
# ZipDirectoryReader
'zip-file-open-error' => 'Na fôta est arrevâye pendent l'uvèrtura du fichiér por los contrôlos ZIP.',
'zip-wrong-format' => 'Lo fichiér spècifiâ est pas un fichiér ZIP.',
'zip-bad' => 'Lo fichiér est un fichiér ZIP corrompu ou ben ôtrament iliésiblo.
Pôt pas étre controlâ coment fôt por la sècuritât.',
'zip-unsupported' => 'Lo fichiér est un fichiér ZIP qu'emplèye des fonccionalitâts ZIP pas recognues per MediaWiki.
Pôt pas étre controlâ coment fôt por la sècuritât.',
# Special:UploadStash
'uploadstash' => 'Cacho de tèlèchargement',
'uploadstash-summary' => 'Ceta pâge balye accès ux fichiérs que sont tèlèchargiês ou ben en côrs de tèlèchargement, mas sont p'oncor publeyês dedens lo vouiqui. Celos fichiérs sont p'oncor visiblos, solament por l'utilisator que los at tèlèchargiês.',
'uploadstash-clear' => 'Èfaciér los fichiérs en cacho',
'uploadstash-nofiles' => 'Vos éd gins de fichiér en cacho.',
'uploadstash-badtoken' => 'L'ègzécucion de cel'accion at pas reussi, pôt-étre perce que voutros identifients de changement ant èxpirâ. Tornâd èprovar.',
'uploadstash-errclear' => 'L'èfacement des fichiérs at pas reussi.',
'uploadstash-refresh' => 'Rafrèchir la lista des fichiérs',
'invalid-chunk-offset' => 'Dèplacement de bocon pas justo',
# img_auth script messages
'img-auth-accessdenied' => 'Accès refusâ',
'img-auth-nopathinfo' => 'PATH_INFO manquenta.
Voutron sèrvior est pas configurâ por passar cel'enformacion.
Pôt étre bâsâye sur CGI et vêr pas recognetre « img_auth ».
Vêde https://www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Manual:Image_Authorization.',
'img-auth-notindir' => 'Lo chemin demandâ est pas lo rèpèrtouèro de tèlèchargement configurâ.',
'img-auth-badtitle' => 'Y at pas moyen de construire un titro justo dês « $1 ».',
'img-auth-nologinnWL' => 'Vos éte pas branchiê et pués « $1 » est pas dedens la lista blanche.',
'img-auth-nofile' => 'Lo fichiér « $1 » ègziste pas.',
'img-auth-isdir' => 'Vos èprovâd d'arrevar u rèpèrtouèro « $1 ».
Solament l'accès ux fichiérs est pèrmês.',
'img-auth-streaming' => 'Lèctura en continu de « $1 ».',
'img-auth-public' => 'La fonccion de img_auth.php est de sortir des fichiérs d'un vouiqui privâ.
Ceti vouiqui est configurâ coment un vouiqui publico.
Por na sècuritât pèrfèta, img_auth.php est dèsactivâ.',
'img-auth-noread' => 'L'utilisator at pas accès a la lèctura de « $1 ».',
'img-auth-bad-query-string' => 'L'URL at na chêna de demanda pas justa.',
# HTTP errors
'http-invalid-url' => 'URL pas justa : $1',
'http-invalid-scheme' => 'Les URLs avouéc lo plan « $1 » sont pas recognues.',
'http-request-error' => 'La demanda HTTP at pas reussi a côsa d'una fôta encognua.',
'http-read-error' => 'Fôta de lèctura HTTP.',
'http-timed-out' => 'La demanda HTTP at èxpirâ.',
'http-curl-error' => 'Fôta pendent la rècupèracion de l'URL : $1',
'http-bad-status' => 'Y at avu un problèmo pendent la demanda HTTP : $1 $2',
# Some likely curl errors. More could be added from <http://curl.haxx.se/libcurl/c/libcurl-errors.html>
'upload-curl-error6' => 'Y at pas moyen d'avengiér l'URL',
'upload-curl-error6-text' => 'L'URL balyêe pôt pas étre avengiêe.
Se vos plét, tornâd controlar que l'URL est justa et pués que lo seto est en legne.',
'upload-curl-error28' => 'Dèlê dèpassâ pendent lo tèlèchargement',
'upload-curl-error28-text' => 'Lo seto at tardâ bien a rèpondre.
Se vos plét, controlâd que lo seto est en legne, atende un pou et pués tornâd èprovar.
Vos pouede asse-ben èprovar a un'hora de muendra afluence.',
'license' => 'Licence :',
'license-header' => 'Licence',
'nolicense' => 'Pas yona chouèsia',
'license-nopreview' => '(Apèrçu pas disponiblo)',
'upload_source_url' => ' (un'URL justa et accèssibla publicament)',
'upload_source_file' => ' (un fichiér sur voutron ordenator)',
# Special:ListFiles
'listfiles-summary' => 'Ceta pâge spèciâla montre tôs los fichiérs tèlèchargiês.
Quand el est filtrâye per utilisator, solament los fichiérs que la vèrsion la ples novèla est étâye tèlèchargiêe per cél utilisator sont montrâs.',
'listfiles_search_for' => 'Rechèrchiér un nom de fichiér mèdia :',
'imgfile' => 'fichiér',
'listfiles' => 'Lista de fichiérs',
'listfiles_thumb' => 'Figura',
'listfiles_date' => 'Dâta',
'listfiles_name' => 'Nom',
'listfiles_user' => 'Utilisator',
'listfiles_size' => 'Talye',
'listfiles_description' => 'Dèscripcion',
'listfiles_count' => 'Vèrsions',
# File description page
'file-anchor-link' => 'Fichiér',
'filehist' => 'Historico du fichiér',
'filehist-help' => 'Clicar sur na dâta / hora por vêre lo fichiér coment il ére a cél moment.',
'filehist-deleteall' => 'suprimar tot',
'filehist-deleteone' => 'suprimar',
'filehist-revert' => 'rèvocar',
'filehist-current' => 'd'ora',
'filehist-datetime' => 'Dâta / hora',
'filehist-thumb' => 'Figura',
'filehist-thumbtext' => 'Figura por la vèrsion du $2 a $3',
'filehist-nothumb' => 'Niona figura',
'filehist-user' => 'Utilisator',
'filehist-dimensions' => 'Dimensions',
'filehist-filesize' => 'Talye du fichiér',
'filehist-comment' => 'Comentèro',
'filehist-missing' => 'Fichiér manquent',
'imagelinks' => 'Usâjo du fichiér',
'linkstoimage' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Cela pâge-que emplèye|Celes $1 pâges-que emplèyont}} ceti fichiér :',
'linkstoimage-more' => 'Més {{PLURAL:$1|d'una pâge emplèye|de $1 pâges emplèyont}} ceti fichiér.
Ceta lista montre ren que {{PLURAL:$1|la premiére pâge qu'emplèye|les $1 premiéres pâges qu'emplèyont}} ceti fichiér.
Na [[Special:WhatLinksHere/$2|lista complèta]] est disponibla.',
'nolinkstoimage' => 'Niona pâge emplèye ceti fichiér.',
'morelinkstoimage' => 'Vêde [[Special:WhatLinksHere/$1|més de lims]] de vers ceti fichiér.',
'linkstoimage-redirect' => '$1 (redirèccion de fichiér) $2',
'duplicatesoffile' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Cél fichiér-que est un doblo|Celos $1 fichiérs-que sont des doblos}} de ceti ([[Special:FileDuplicateSearch/$2|més de dètalys]]) :',
'sharedupload' => 'Ceti fichiér vint de $1 et pôt étre empleyê per d'ôtros projèts.',
'sharedupload-desc-there' => 'Ceti fichiér vint de $1 et pôt étre empleyê per d'ôtros projèts.
Se vos plét, vêde la sina [$2 pâge de dèscripcion] por més d'enformacions.',
'sharedupload-desc-here' => 'Ceti fichiér vint de $1 et pôt étre empleyê per d'ôtros projèts.
La dèscripcion de la sina [$2 pâge de dèscripcion] est montrâye ce-desot.',
'sharedupload-desc-edit' => 'Ceti fichiér vint de $1 et pôt étre empleyê per d'ôtros projèts.
Pôt-étre vos voléd changiér la dèscripcion sur la sina [$2 pâge de dèscripcion].',
'sharedupload-desc-create' => 'Ceti fichiér vint de $1 et pôt étre empleyê per d'ôtros projèts.
Pôt-étre vos voléd changiér la dèscripcion sur la sina [$2 pâge de dèscripcion].',
'filepage-nofile' => 'Nion fichiér de cél nom ègziste.',
'filepage-nofile-link' => 'Nion fichiér de cél nom ègziste, mas vos en pouede [$1 tèlèchargiér yon].',
'uploadnewversion-linktext' => 'Tèlèchargiér na novèla vèrsion de ceti fichiér',
'shared-repo-from' => 'de : $1',
'shared-repo' => 'un dèpôt partagiê',
'filepage.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique est encllu dens la pâge de dèscripcion du fichiér, et pués dens los vouiquis cliants ètrangiérs. */',
'upload-disallowed-here' => 'Vos pouede pas ècllafar ceti fichiér.',
# File reversion
'filerevert' => 'Rèvocar $1',
'filerevert-legend' => 'Rèvocar lo fichiér',
'filerevert-intro' => "Vos éte prèst a rèvocar lo fichiér '''[[Media:$1|$1]]''' a la [$4 vèrsion du $2 a $3].",
'filerevert-comment' => 'Rêson :',
'filerevert-defaultcomment' => 'Rèvocâ a la vèrsion du $1 a $2',
'filerevert-submit' => 'Rèvocar',
'filerevert-success' => "'''[[Media:$1|$1]]''' est étâ rèvocâ a la [$4 vèrsion du $2 a $3].",
'filerevert-badversion' => 'Y at gins de vèrsion locâla devant de cél fichiér avouéc l'horodatâjo balyê.',
# File deletion
'filedelete' => 'Suprimar $1',
'filedelete-legend' => 'Suprimar lo fichiér',
'filedelete-intro' => "Vos éte prèst a suprimar lo fichiér '''[[Media:$1|$1]]''' et pués tot lo sin historico.",
'filedelete-intro-old' => "Vos éte aprés suprimar la vèrsion de '''[[Media:$1|$1]]''' du [$4 $2 a $3].",
'filedelete-comment' => 'Rêson :',
'filedelete-submit' => 'Suprimar',
'filedelete-success' => "'''$1''' est étâ suprimâ.",
'filedelete-success-old' => "La vèrsion de '''[[Media:$1|$1]]''' du $2 a $3 est étâye suprimâye.",
'filedelete-nofile' => "'''$1''' ègziste pas.",
'filedelete-nofile-old' => "Ègziste gins de vèrsion arch·ivâye de '''$1''' avouéc los atributs spècifiâs.",
'filedelete-otherreason' => 'Ôtra rêson / rêson de ples :',
'filedelete-reason-otherlist' => 'Ôtra rêson',
'filedelete-reason-dropdown' => '*Rêsons corentes de suprèssion
** Violacion du drêt d'ôtor
** Fichiér en doblo',
'filedelete-edit-reasonlist' => 'Changiér les rêsons de suprèssion',
'filedelete-maintenance' => 'La suprèssion et la rèstoracion de fichiérs est dèsactivâye por un moment pendent la mantegnence.',
'filedelete-maintenance-title' => 'Y at pas moyen de suprimar lo fichiér',
# MIME search
'mimesearch' => 'Rechèrche per tipo MIME',
'mimesearch-summary' => "Ceta pâge pèrmèt de filtrar los fichiérs per lor tipo MIME.
Entrâ : ''tipodecontegnu''/''sot-tipo'', per ègzemplo <code>image/jpeg</code>.",
'mimetype' => 'Tipo MIME :',
'download' => 'tèlèchargiér',
# Unwatched pages
'unwatchedpages' => 'Pâges pas siuvues',
# List redirects
'listredirects' => 'Lista de les redirèccions',
# Unused templates
'unusedtemplates' => 'Modèlos pas empleyês',
'unusedtemplatestext' => 'Ceta pâge liste totes les pâges de l'èspâço de noms « {{ns:template}} » que sont pas entrebetâyes dedens nion'ôtra pâge.
Oubliâd pas de controlar s'y at gins d'ôtro lim de vers los modèlos devant que los suprimar.',
'unusedtemplateswlh' => 'ôtros lims',
# Random page
'randompage' => 'Pâge per hasârd',
'randompage-nopages' => 'Y at gins de pâge dedens {{PLURAL:$2|cet'èspâço|cetos èspâços}} de noms : $1.',
# Random redirect
'randomredirect' => 'Redirèccion per hasârd',
'randomredirect-nopages' => 'Y at gins de pâge de redirèccion dedens l'èspâço de noms « $1 ».',
# Statistics
'statistics' => 'Statistiques',
'statistics-header-pages' => 'Statistiques de les pâges',
'statistics-header-edits' => 'Statistiques des changements',
'statistics-header-views' => 'Statistiques de les vues',
'statistics-header-users' => 'Statistiques des utilisators',
'statistics-header-hooks' => 'Ôtres statistiques',
'statistics-articles' => 'Pâges de contegnu',
'statistics-pages' => 'Pâges',
'statistics-pages-desc' => 'Totes les pâges du vouiqui, les pâges de discussion, les redirèccions, et tot cen que vat avouéc',
'statistics-files' => 'Fichiérs tèlèchargiês',
'statistics-edits' => 'Changements de pâges dês l'enstalacion de {{SITENAME}}',
'statistics-edits-average' => 'Nombro moyen de changements per pâge',
'statistics-views-total' => 'Soma de les vues',
'statistics-views-total-desc' => 'Les vues de les pâges pas ègzistentes et de les pâges spèciâles sont pas avouéc',
'statistics-views-peredit' => 'Vues per changement',
'statistics-users' => '[[Special:ListUsers|Utilisators]] encartâs',
'statistics-users-active' => 'Utilisators actifs',
'statistics-users-active-desc' => 'Utilisators qu'ant fêt por lo muens un'accion pendent {{PLURAL:$1|lo jorn passâ|los $1 jorns passâs}}',
'statistics-mostpopular' => 'Pâges les ples vues',
'pageswithprop' => 'Pâges avouéc na propriètât de pâge',
'pageswithprop-legend' => 'Pâges avouéc na propriètât de pâge',
'pageswithprop-text' => 'Ceta pâge liste les pâges qu'emplèyont na propriètât de pâge particuliére.',
'pageswithprop-prop' => 'Nom de la propriètât :',
'pageswithprop-submit' => 'Alar trovar',
'doubleredirects' => 'Redirèccions dobles',
'doubleredirectstext' => 'Ceta pâge liste les pâges que redirijont vers d'ôtres pâges de redirèccion.
Châque renche contint des lims de vers la premiére et la seconda redirèccion, et pués la ciba de la seconda redirèccion, cen que balye habituèlament la « veré » pâge ciba, de vers laquinta la premiére redirèccion devrêt pouentar.
Les entrâs <del>barrâyes</del> sont étâyes solucionâyes.',
'double-redirect-fixed-move' => '[[$1]] est étâye dèplaciêe.
Ora redirige vers [[$2]].',
'double-redirect-fixed-maintenance' => 'Correge la redirèccion dobla de [[$1]] vers [[$2]].',
'double-redirect-fixer' => 'Corrèctor de redirèccion',
'brokenredirects' => 'Redirèccions câsses',
'brokenredirectstext' => 'Cetes redirèccions mènont vers des pâges pas ègzistentes :',
'brokenredirects-edit' => 'changiér',
'brokenredirects-delete' => 'suprimar',
'withoutinterwiki' => 'Pâges sen lims entèrlengoues',
'withoutinterwiki-summary' => 'Cetes pâges ant gins de lim de vers d'ôtres lengoues.',
'withoutinterwiki-legend' => 'Prèfixo',
'withoutinterwiki-submit' => 'Montrar',
'fewestrevisions' => 'Pâges avouéc lo muens de vèrsions',
# Miscellaneous special pages
'nbytes' => '$1 octèt{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'ncategories' => '$1 catègorie{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'ninterwikis' => '$1 {{PLURAL:$1|lim entèrvouiqui|lims entèrvouiquis}}',
'nlinks' => '$1 lim{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'nmembers' => '$1 membro{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'nrevisions' => '$1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'nviews' => '$1 vu{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'nimagelinks' => 'Empleyê dessus $1 pâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'ntransclusions' => 'empleyê dessus $1 pâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'specialpage-empty' => 'Y at gins de rèsultat a fâre vêre.',
'lonelypages' => 'Pâges orfenes',
'lonelypagestext' => 'Cetes pâges sont ni pouentâyes ni entrebetâyes per d'ôtres pâges de {{SITENAME}}.',
'uncategorizedpages' => 'Pâges sen catègories',
'uncategorizedcategories' => 'Catègories sen catègories',
'uncategorizedimages' => 'Fichiérs sen catègories',
'uncategorizedtemplates' => 'Modèlos sen catègories',
'unusedcategories' => 'Catègories pas empleyêes',
'unusedimages' => 'Fichiérs pas empleyês',
'popularpages' => 'Pâges populères',
'wantedcategories' => 'Catègories demandâyes',
'wantedpages' => 'Pâges demandâyes',
'wantedpages-badtitle' => 'Titro pas justo dedens l'ensemblo de rèsultats : $1',
'wantedfiles' => 'Fichiérs demandâs',
'wantedfiletext-cat' => 'Cetos fichiérs sont empleyês, mas ègzistont pas. Los fichiérs de dèpôts de defôr pôvont étre listâs mémo s'ègzistont. Tôs celos fôx positifs seront <del>barrâs</del>. Et pués les pâges qu'apondont des fichiérs qu'ègzistont pas sont listâs dedens [[:$1]].',
'wantedfiletext-nocat' => 'Cetos fichiérs sont empleyês, mas ègzistont pas. Los fichiérs de dèpôts de defôr pôvont étre listâs mémo s'ègzistont. Tôs celos fôx positifs seront <del>barrâs</del>.',
'wantedtemplates' => 'Modèlos demandâs',
'mostlinked' => 'Pâges les ples liyêes',
'mostlinkedcategories' => 'Catègories les ples liyêes',
'mostlinkedtemplates' => 'Modèlos los ples liyês',
'mostcategories' => 'Pâges avouéc lo més de catègories',
'mostimages' => 'Fichiérs los ples liyês',
'mostinterwikis' => 'Pâges avouéc lo més de lims entèrvouiquis',
'mostrevisions' => 'Pâges avouéc lo més de vèrsions',
'prefixindex' => 'Totes les pâges que començont per...',
'prefixindex-namespace' => 'Totes les pâges avouéc prèfixo (èspâço de noms $1)',
'shortpages' => 'Pâges côrtes',
'longpages' => 'Pâges longes',
'deadendpages' => 'Pâges en cul-de-sac',
'deadendpagestext' => 'Cetes pâges contegnont gins de lim de vers d'ôtres pâges de {{SITENAME}}.',
'protectedpages' => 'Pâges protègiêes',
'protectedpages-indef' => 'Ren que les protèccions sen fin',
'protectedpages-cascade' => 'Ren que les protèccions en cascâda',
'protectedpagestext' => 'Cetes pâges sont protègiêes contre los dèplacements los changements',
'protectedpagesempty' => 'Ora niona pâge est protègiêe avouéc celos paramètros.',
'protectedtitles' => 'Titros protègiês',
'protectedtitlestext' => 'Cetos titros sont protègiês a la crèacion',
'protectedtitlesempty' => 'Ora nion titro est protègiê avouéc celos paramètros.',
'listusers' => 'Lista des utilisators',
'listusers-editsonly' => 'Montrar ren que los utilisators avouéc des contribucions',
'listusers-creationsort' => 'Betar per dâta de crèacion',
'usereditcount' => '$1 changement{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'usercreated' => 'Fêt{{GENDER:$3||a}} lo $1 a $2',
'newpages' => 'Pâges novèles',
'newpages-username' => 'Nom d'utilisator :',
'ancientpages' => 'Pâges les ples vielyes',
'move' => 'Dèplaciér',
'movethispage' => 'Dèplaciér ceta pâge',
'unusedimagestext' => 'Cetos fichiérs ègzistont, mas sont pas entrebetâs dedens niona pâge.
Se vos plét, notâd que d'ôtros setos Vouèbe pôvont avêr un lim de vers un fichiér avouéc un'URL drêta, donc un fichiér pôt adés étre listâ ique pendent qu'il est en usâjo actif.',
'unusedcategoriestext' => 'Cetes catègories ègzistont, mas nion'ôtra pâge niona catègorie les emplèye.',
'notargettitle' => 'Niona ciba',
'notargettext' => 'Vos éd pas spècifiâ na pâge un utilisator ciba sur laquinta / loquint vos souhètâd fâre cel'accion.',
'nopagetitle' => 'Niona pâge ciba d'ense',
'nopagetext' => 'La pâge ciba que vos éd spècifiâye ègziste pas.',
'pager-newer-n' => '{{PLURAL:$1|ples novèla|$1 ples novèles}}',
'pager-older-n' => '{{PLURAL:$1|ples vielye|$1 ples vielyes}}',
'suppress' => 'Ôtar',
'querypage-disabled' => 'Ceta pâge spèciâla est dèsactivâye por des rêsons de capacitât.',
# Book sources
'booksources' => 'Ôvres de refèrence',
'booksources-search-legend' => 'Rechèrchiér entre-mié les ôvres de refèrence',
'booksources-isbn' => 'ISBN :',
'booksources-go' => 'Listar',
'booksources-text' => 'Vê-que na lista de lims de vers d'ôtros setos que vendont des lévros nôfs et d'ocasion, et pués pôvont avêr des enformacions de ples sur les ôvres que vos chèrchiéd :',
'booksources-invalid-isbn' => 'L'ISBN balyê semble pas étre justo ; controlâd se vos éd fêt na fôta en copiyent la sôrsa originâla.',
# Special:Log
'specialloguserlabel' => 'Ôtor :',
'speciallogtitlelabel' => 'Ciba (titro ou ben utilisator) :',
'log' => 'Jornals',
'all-logs-page' => 'Tôs los jornals publicos',
'alllogstext' => 'Vua combinâye de tôs los jornals disponiblos dessus {{SITENAME}}.
Vos pouede rètrendre la vua en chouèséssent un tipo de jornal, lo nom d'utilisator (sensiblo a la câssa) la pâge regardâye (sensibl'a la câssa avouéc).',
'logempty' => 'Niona piéce que corrèspond sur lo jornal.',
'log-title-wildcard' => 'Chèrchiér entre-mié los titros que començont per cél tèxto',
'showhideselectedlogentries' => 'Montrar / cachiér les entrâs de jornal chouèsies',
# Special:AllPages
'allpages' => 'Totes les pâges',
'alphaindexline' => 'de $1 a $2',
'nextpage' => 'Pâge aprés ($1)',
'prevpage' => 'Pâge devant ($1)',
'allpagesfrom' => 'Fâre vêre les pâges dês :',
'allpagesto' => 'Fâre vêre les pâges tant qu'a :',
'allarticles' => 'Totes les pâges',
'allinnamespace' => 'Totes les pâges (dedens l'èspâço de noms « $1 »)',
'allnotinnamespace' => 'Totes les pâges (en defôr de l'èspâço de noms « $1 »)',
'allpagesprev' => 'Devant',
'allpagesnext' => 'Aprés',
'allpagessubmit' => 'Listar',
'allpagesprefix' => 'Fâre vêre les pâges que començont per lo prèfixo :',
'allpagesbadtitle' => 'Lo titro de la pâge balyêe est pas justo ou ben contint un prèfixo entèrlengoua ou entèrvouiqui resèrvâ.
Contint de sûr yon ou ben un mouél de caractèros que pôvont pas étre empleyês dedens los titros.',
'allpages-bad-ns' => '{{SITENAME}} at gins d'èspâço de noms « $1 ».',
'allpages-hide-redirects' => 'Cachiér les redirèccions',
# SpecialCachedPage
'cachedspecial-viewing-cached-ttl' => 'Vos vêde na vèrsion betâye en cacho de cela pâge, que pôt étre vielye por lo més $1.',
'cachedspecial-viewing-cached-ts' => 'Vos vêde na vèrsion betâye en cacho de cela pâge, que porrêt pas étre tot a fêt a jorn.',
'cachedspecial-refresh-now' => 'Vêre la ples novèla.',
# Special:Categories
'categories' => 'Catègories',
'categoriespagetext' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Ceta catègorie contint|Cetes catègories contegnont}} des pâges des fichiérs mèdia.
Les [[Special:UnusedCategories|catègories pas empleyêes]] sont pas montrâyes ique.
Vêde asse-ben les [[Special:WantedCategories|catègories demandâyes]].',
'categoriesfrom' => 'Fâre vêre les catègories dês :',
'special-categories-sort-count' => 'tri per nombro de piéces',
'special-categories-sort-abc' => 'tri alfabètico',
# Special:DeletedContributions
'deletedcontributions' => 'Contribucions suprimâyes',
'deletedcontributions-title' => 'Contribucions suprimâyes',
'sp-deletedcontributions-contribs' => 'contribucions',
# Special:LinkSearch
'linksearch' => 'Rechèrche de lims de defôr',
'linksearch-pat' => 'Modèlo de rechèrche :',
'linksearch-ns' => 'Èspâço de noms :',
'linksearch-ok' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'linksearch-text' => 'Des caractèros j·oquères coment « *.wikipedia.org » pôvont étre empleyês.
Ils ant fôta de por lo muens un domêno de nivél de dessus, per ègzemplo « *.org ».<br />
{{PLURAL:$2|Protocolo recognu|Protocolos recognus}} : <code>$1</code> (http:// per dèfôt se nion protocolo est spècifiâ).',
'linksearch-line' => '$1 est liyê dês $2',
'linksearch-error' => 'Los caractèros j·oquères pôvont étre empleyês ren qu'u comencement du nom de domêno de l'hôto.',
# Special:ListUsers
'listusersfrom' => 'Fâre vêre los utilisators dês :',
'listusers-submit' => 'Listar',
'listusers-noresult' => 'Nion utilisator trovâ.',
'listusers-blocked' => '(blocâ{{GENDER:$1||ye|(ye)}})',
# Special:ActiveUsers
'activeusers' => 'Lista des utilisators actifs',
'activeusers-intro' => 'O est na lista des utilisators qu'ant ègzèrciê un'activitât la quinta que seye pendent {{PLURAL:$1|lo jorn passâ|los $1 jorns passâs}}.',
'activeusers-count' => '$1 accion{{PLURAL:$1||s}} pendent {{PLURAL:$3|lo jorn passâ|los $3 jorns passâs}}',
'activeusers-from' => 'Fâre vêre los utilisators dês :',
'activeusers-hidebots' => 'Cachiér los robots',
'activeusers-hidesysops' => 'Cachiér los administrators',
'activeusers-noresult' => 'Nion utilisator trovâ.',
# Special:ListGroupRights
'listgrouprights' => 'Drêts de les tropes d'utilisators',
'listgrouprights-summary' => 'Vê-que na lista de les tropes d'utilisators dèfenies sur ceti vouiqui et pués los sins drêts d'accès.
Y pôt avêr [[{{MediaWiki:Listgrouprights-helppage}}|més d'enformacions]] sur los drêts endividuèls.',
'listgrouprights-key' => '* <span class="listgrouprights-granted">Drêt balyê</span>
* <span class="listgrouprights-revoked">Drêt cassâ</span>',
'listgrouprights-group' => 'Tropa',
'listgrouprights-rights' => 'Drêts',
'listgrouprights-helppage' => 'Help:Drêts de les tropes',
'listgrouprights-members' => '(lista des membros)',
'listgrouprights-addgroup' => 'Apondre a {{PLURAL:$2|la tropa|les tropes}} : $1',
'listgrouprights-removegroup' => 'Enlevar de {{PLURAL:$2|la tropa|les tropes}} : $1',
'listgrouprights-addgroup-all' => 'Apondre a totes les tropes',
'listgrouprights-removegroup-all' => 'Enlevar de totes les tropes',
'listgrouprights-addgroup-self' => 'Sè pôt apondre {{PLURAL:$2|la tropa|les tropes}} a son prôpro compto : $1',
'listgrouprights-removegroup-self' => 'Sè pôt enlevar {{PLURAL:$2|la tropa|les tropes}} de son prôpro compto : $1',
'listgrouprights-addgroup-self-all' => 'Sè pôt apondre totes les tropes a son prôpro compto',
'listgrouprights-removegroup-self-all' => 'Sè pôt enlevar totes les tropes de son prôpro compto',
# Email user
'mailnologin' => 'Nion'adrèce d'èxpèdior',
'mailnologintext' => 'Vos dête étre [[Special:UserLogin|branchiê]] et avêr spècifiâ un'adrèce èlèctronica justa dens voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences]] por povêr mandar des mèssâjos a d'ôtros utilisators.',
'emailuser' => 'Lui mandar un mèssâjo',
'emailuser-title-target' => 'Mandar un mèssâjo a cet'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}}',
'emailuser-title-notarget' => 'Mandar un mèssâjo a l'utilisator',
'emailpage' => 'Mandar un mèssâjo a l'utilisator',
'emailpagetext' => 'Vos pouede empleyér lo formulèro ce-desot por mandar un mèssâjo a cet'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}}.
L'adrèce èlèctronica que vos éd buchiêe dens voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences]] aparêtrat dedens lo champ « Èxpèdior » de voutron mèssâjo ; d'ense, lo dèstinatèro vos porrat rèpondre tot drêt.',
'usermailererror' => 'Fôta dens la chousa du mèssâjo :',
'defemailsubject' => 'Mèssâjo de {{SITENAME}} de l'utilisator « $1 »',
'usermaildisabled' => 'L'èxpèdicion de mèssâjos entre utilisators est dèsactivâye',
'usermaildisabledtext' => 'Vos pouede pas mandar de mèssâjos a d'ôtros utilisators sur ceti vouiqui',
'noemailtitle' => 'Nion'adrèce èlèctronica',
'noemailtext' => 'Cet'utilisator at pas spècifiâ un'adrèce èlèctronica justa.',
'nowikiemailtitle' => 'Niona mèssageria èlèctronica ôtorisâye',
'nowikiemailtext' => 'Cél utilisator at chouèsi de pas recêvre de mèssâjos de la pârt d'ôtros utilisators.',
'emailnotarget' => 'Nom d'utilisator du dèstinatèro pas ègzistent pas justo.',
'emailtarget' => 'Buchiéd lo nom d'utilisator du dèstinatèro',
'emailusername' => 'Nom d'utilisator :',
'emailusernamesubmit' => 'Mandar',
'email-legend' => 'Mandar un mèssâjo a un ôtr'utilisator de {{SITENAME}}',
'emailfrom' => 'De :',
'emailto' => 'A :',
'emailsubject' => 'Chousa :',
'emailmessage' => 'Mèssâjo :',
'emailsend' => 'Mandar',
'emailccme' => 'Mè mandar per mèssageria èlèctronica na copia de mon mèssâjo.',
'emailccsubject' => 'Copia de voutron mèssâjo a $1 : $2',
'emailsent' => 'Mèssâjo mandâ',
'emailsenttext' => 'Voutron mèssâjo est étâ mandâ per mèssageria èlèctronica.',
'emailuserfooter' => 'Ceti mèssâjo est étâ mandâ per « $1 » a « $2 » per la fonccion « Lui mandar un mèssâjo » de {{SITENAME}}.',
# User Messenger
'usermessage-summary' => 'At lèssiê un mèssâjo sistèmo.',
'usermessage-editor' => 'Mèssagiér du sistèmo',
'usermessage-template' => 'MediaWiki:MèssâjoUtilisator',
# Watchlist
'watchlist' => 'Lista de siuvu',
'mywatchlist' => 'Lista de siuvu',
'watchlistfor2' => 'Por $1 $2',
'nowatchlist' => 'Vos éd gins de piéce dedens voutra lista de siuvu.',
'watchlistanontext' => 'Se vos plét, vos vos dête $1 por povêr vêre ou ben changiér les piéces de voutra lista de siuvu.',
'watchnologin' => 'Pas branchiê',
'watchnologintext' => 'Vos dête étre [[Special:UserLogin|branchiê(ye)]] por povêr changiér voutra lista de siuvu.',
'addwatch' => 'Apondre a la lista de siuvu',
'addedwatchtext' => 'La pâge « [[:$1]] » est étâye apondua a voutra [[Special:Watchlist|lista de siuvu]].
Los changements que vegnont de ceta pâge et de la sina pâge de discussion y seront listâs.',
'removewatch' => 'Enlevar de la lista de siuvu',
'removedwatchtext' => 'La pâge « [[:$1]] » est étâye enlevâye de voutra [[Special:Watchlist|lista de siuvu]].',
'watch' => 'Siuvre',
'watchthispage' => 'Siuvre ceta pâge',
'unwatch' => 'Pas més siuvre',
'unwatchthispage' => 'Pas més siuvre',
'notanarticle' => 'O est pas na pâge de contegnu',
'notvisiblerev' => 'La dèrriére vèrsion per un ôtr'utilisator est étâye suprimâye',
'watchlist-details' => 'Y at $1 pâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}} dedens voutra lista de siuvu, sen comptar les pâges de discussion.',
'wlheader-enotif' => 'La notificacion per mèssageria èlèctronica est activâye.',
'wlheader-showupdated' => "Les pâges que sont étâyes changiêes dês voutra dèrriére visita sont montrâyes en '''grâs'''.",
'watchmethod-recent' => 'contrôlo des novéls changements por y trovar des pâges siuvues',
'watchmethod-list' => 'contrôlo de les pâges siuvues por y trovar des novéls changements',
'watchlistcontains' => 'Voutra lista de siuvu contint $1 pâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}.',
'iteminvalidname' => 'Problèmo avouéc la piéce « $1 », nom pas justo...',
'wlnote' => "Vê-que {{PLURAL:$1|lo dèrriér changement fêt|los '''$1''' dèrriérs changements fêts}} pendent {{PLURAL:$2|l'hora passâye|les '''$2''' hores passâyes}}, dês $3 a $4.",
'wlshowlast' => 'Montrar les $1 hores passâyes, los $2 jorns passâs ou ben $3',
'watchlist-options' => 'Chouèx de la lista de siuvu',
# Displayed when you click the "watch" button and it is in the process of watching
'watching' => 'Siuvu...',
'unwatching' => 'Fin du siuvu...',
'watcherrortext' => 'Na fôta est arrevâye pendent lo changement de la configuracion de voutra lista de siuvu por « $1 ».',
'enotif_mailer' => 'Sistèmo de notificacion per mèssageria èlèctronica de {{SITENAME}}',
'enotif_reset' => 'Marcar totes les pâges coment visitâyes',
'enotif_impersonal_salutation' => 'Utilisator de {{SITENAME}}',
'enotif_subject_deleted' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye suprimâye per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}',
'enotif_subject_created' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye fêta per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}',
'enotif_subject_moved' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye dèplaciêe per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}',
'enotif_subject_restored' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye refêta per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}',
'enotif_subject_changed' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye changiêe per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}',
'enotif_body_intro_deleted' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye suprimâye lo $PAGEEDITDATE per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}, vêde $3.',
'enotif_body_intro_created' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye fêta lo $PAGEEDITDATE per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}, vêde $3 por la vèrsion d'ora.',
'enotif_body_intro_moved' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye dèplaciêe lo $PAGEEDITDATE per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}, vêde $3 por la vèrsion d'ora.',
'enotif_body_intro_restored' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye refêta lo $PAGEEDITDATE per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}, vêde $3 por la vèrsion d'ora.',
'enotif_body_intro_changed' => 'La pâge $1 dessus {{SITENAME}} est étâye changiêe lo $PAGEEDITDATE per {{GENDER:$2|$2}}, vêde $3 por la vèrsion d'ora.',
'enotif_lastvisited' => 'Vêde $1 por tôs los changements dês voutra dèrriére visita.',
'enotif_lastdiff' => 'Vêde $1 por vêre cél changement.',
'enotif_anon_editor' => 'utilisator anonimo $1',
'enotif_body' => 'Chier(a) $WATCHINGUSERNAME,
$PAGEINTRO $NEWPAGE
Rèsumâ du contributor : $PAGESUMMARY $PAGEMINOREDIT
Veriéd-vos vers lo contributor :
mèl. : $PAGEEDITOR_EMAIL
vouiqui : $PAGEEDITOR_WIKI
Y arat gins d'ôtra notificacion en câs de changements a vegnir, du muens que vos visiteyâd cela pâge. Vos pouede asse-ben rebetar a zérô los segnalements de notificacion por totes les pâges de voutra lista de siuvu.
Voutron sistèmo de notificacion de {{SITENAME}}
--
Por changiér la configuracion de notificacion per mèssageria èlèctronica, visitâd
{{canonicalurl:{{#special:Preferences}}}}
Por changiér la configuracion de voutra lista de siuvu, visitâd
{{canonicalurl:{{#special:EditWatchlist}}}}
Por suprimar la pâge de voutra lista de siuvu, visitâd
$UNWATCHURL
Avis et assistance de ples :
{{canonicalurl:{{MediaWiki:Helppage}}}}',
'created' => 'fêta',
'changed' => 'changiê',
# Delete
'deletepage' => 'Suprimar la pâge',
'confirm' => 'Confirmar',
'excontent' => 'lo contegnu ére : « $1 »',
'excontentauthor' => 'lo contegnu ére : « $1 » (et lo solèt contributor ére « [[Special:Contributions/$2|$2]] »)',
'exbeforeblank' => 'lo contegnu devant blanchiment ére : « $1 »',
'exblank' => 'la pâge ére voueda',
'delete-confirm' => 'Suprimar « $1 »',
'delete-legend' => 'Suprimar',
'historywarning' => "'''Atencion :''' la pâge que vos éte prèst a suprimar at un historico avouéc a pou prés $1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}} :",
'confirmdeletetext' => 'Vos éte prèst a suprimar na pâge et pués tot lo sin historico.
Se vos plét, confirmâd qu'o est franc cen que vos voléd fâre, que vos en compregnéd les consèquences et pués que vos o féte en acôrd avouéc les [[{{MediaWiki:Policy-url}}|règlles de dedens]].',
'actioncomplete' => 'Accion fêta',
'actionfailed' => 'L'accion at pas reussi',
'deletedtext' => '« $1 » est étâye suprimâye.
Vêde lo $2 por na lista de les novèles suprèssions.',
'dellogpage' => 'Jornal de les suprèssions',
'dellogpagetext' => 'Vê-que na lista de les suprèssions les ples novèles.',
'deletionlog' => 'jornal de les suprèssions',
'reverted' => 'Vèrsion devant rètablia',
'deletecomment' => 'Rêson :',
'deleteotherreason' => 'Ôtra rêson / rêson de ples :',
'deletereasonotherlist' => 'Ôtra rêson',
'deletereason-dropdown' => '*Rêsons corentes de suprèssion
** Demanda de l'ôtor
** Violacion du drêt d'ôtor
** Vandalismo',
'delete-edit-reasonlist' => 'Changiér les rêsons de suprèssion',
'delete-toobig' => 'Ceta pâge at un grôs historico de changements avouéc més de $1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}}.
La suprèssion de pâges d'ense est étâye rètrenta por prèvegnir des pèrturbacions emprèvues de {{SITENAME}}.',
'delete-warning-toobig' => 'Ceta pâge at un grôs historico de changements avouéc més de $1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}}.
La suprimar pôt troblar la mârche de la bâsa de balyês de {{SITENAME}} ;
a fâre avouéc prudence.',
# Rollback
'rollback' => 'Rèvocar los changements',
'rollback_short' => 'Rèvocar',
'rollbacklink' => 'rèvocar',
'rollbacklinkcount' => 'rèvocar $1 changement{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'rollbacklinkcount-morethan' => 'rèvocar més de $1 changement{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'rollbackfailed' => 'La rèvocacion at pas reussi',
'cantrollback' => 'Y at pas moyen de rèvocar lo changement ;
lo dèrriér contributor est lo solèt ôtor de ceta pâge.',
'alreadyrolled' => 'Y at pas moyen de rèvocar lo dèrriér changement de la pâge « [[:$1]] » fêt per [[User:$2|$2]] ([[User talk:$2|discutar]]{{int:pipe-separator}}[[Special:Contributions/$2|{{int:contribslink}}]]) ;
un ôtro at ja changiê ou ben rèvocâ la pâge.
Lo dèrriér changement de la pâge est étâ fêt per [[User:$3|$3]] ([[User talk:$3|discutar]]{{int:pipe-separator}}[[Special:Contributions/$3|{{int:contribslink}}]]).',
'editcomment' => "Lo rèsumâ de changement ére : « ''$1'' ».",
'revertpage' => 'Rèvocacion des changements de [[Special:Contributions/$2|$2]] ([[User talk:$2|discutar]]) de vers la dèrriére vèrsion de [[User:$1|$1]]',
'revertpage-nouser' => 'Rèvocacion des changements de (nom d'utilisator enlevâ) de vers la dèrriére vèrsion de [[User:$1|$1]]',
'rollback-success' => 'Rèvocacion des changements de $1 ;
rèstoracion de la dèrriére vèrsion de $2.',
# Edit tokens
'sessionfailure-title' => 'Falyita de sèance',
'sessionfailure' => 'Voutra sèance de branchement semble avêr des problèmos ;
cel'accion est étâye anulâye en prèvencion d'un piratâjo de sèance.
Se vos plét, clicâd dessus « Devant », rechargiéd la pâge de yô que vos vegnéd et pués tornâd èprovar.',
# Protect
'protectlogpage' => 'Jornal de les protèccions',
'protectlogtext' => 'Vê-que na lista des changements de les protèccions de pâges.
Vêde la [[Special:ProtectedPages|lista de les pâges protègiêes]] por la lista de les protèccions que sont ora actives.',
'protectedarticle' => 'at protègiê « [[$1]] »',
'modifiedarticleprotection' => 'at changiê lo nivél de protèccion de « [[$1]] »',
'unprotectedarticle' => 'at enlevâ la protèccion de « [[$1]] »',
'movedarticleprotection' => 'at dèplaciê la configuracion de protèccion dês « [[$2]] » vers « [[$1]] »',
'protect-title' => 'Changiér lo nivél de protèccion de « $1 »',
'protect-title-notallowed' => 'Vêre lo nivél de protèccion de « $1 »',
'prot_1movedto2' => 'at dèplaciê [[$1]] vers [[$2]]',
'protect-badnamespace-title' => 'Èspâço de noms pas protèjâblo',
'protect-badnamespace-text' => 'Les pâges dedens cet'èspâço de noms pôvont pas étre protègiêes.',
'protect-norestrictiontypes-text' => 'Cela pâge pôt pas étre protègiêe, y at gins de tipo de rèstriccion disponiblo.',
'protect-norestrictiontypes-title' => 'Pâge pas protèjâbla',
'protect-legend' => 'Confirmar la protèccion',
'protectcomment' => 'Rêson :',
'protectexpiry' => 'Dâta d'èxpiracion :',
'protect_expiry_invalid' => 'La dâta d'èxpiracion est pas justa.',
'protect_expiry_old' => 'La dâta d'èxpiracion est ja passâye.',
'protect-unchain-permissions' => 'Dèvèrrolyér adés més de chouèx de protèccion',
'protect-text' => "Ique vos pouede vêre et changiér lo nivél de protèccion de la pâge '''$1'''.",
'protect-locked-blocked' => "Vos pouede pas changiér los nivéls de protèccion tant que vos éte blocâ{{GENDER:||ye|(ye)}}.
Vê-que la configuracion d'ora de la pâge '''$1''' :",
'protect-locked-dblock' => "Los nivéls de protèccion pôvont pas étre changiês, la bâsa de balyês est vèrrolyêe.
Vê-que la configuracion d'ora de la pâge '''$1''' :",
'protect-locked-access' => "Voutron compto at pas los drêts nècèssèros por changiér los nivéls de protèccion de pâges.
Vê-que la configuracion d'ora de la pâge '''$1''' :",
'protect-cascadeon' => 'Ora cela pâge-que est protègiêe, el est entrebetâye dedens {{PLURAL:$1|ceta pâge qu'est étâye protègiêe|cetes pâges que sont étâyes protègiêes}} avouéc lo chouèx « protèccion en cascâda » activâ.
Vos pouede changiér lo nivél de protèccion de cela pâge sen que cen afècte la protèccion en cascâda.',
'protect-default' => 'Ôtorisar tôs los utilisators',
'protect-fallback' => 'Ôtorisar ren que los utilisators avouéc lo drêt « $1 »',
'protect-level-autoconfirmed' => 'Ôtorisar ren que los utilisators ôtoconfirmâs',
'protect-level-sysop' => 'Ôtorisar ren que los administrators',
'protect-summary-cascade' => 'protèccion en cascâda',
'protect-expiring' => 'èxpire lo $2 a $3 (UTC)',
'protect-expiring-local' => 'èxpire lo $1',
'protect-expiry-indefinite' => 'sen fin',
'protect-cascade' => 'Protègiér les pâges entrebetâyes dedens ceta (protèccion en cascâda)',
'protect-cantedit' => 'Vos pouede pas changiér los nivéls de protèccion de ceta pâge, vos éd pas la pèrmission de la changiér.',
'protect-othertime' => 'Ôtra dâta d'èxpiracion :',
'protect-othertime-op' => 'ôtra dâta d'èxpiracion',
'protect-existing-expiry' => 'Dâta d'èxpiracion ègzistenta : $2 a $3',
'protect-otherreason' => 'Ôtra rêson / rêson de ples :',
'protect-otherreason-op' => 'Ôtra rêson',
'protect-dropdown' => '*Rêsons corentes de protèccion
** Vandalismo èxcèssif
** Spame èxcèssif
** Guèrres de changements contre-productives
** Pâge a trafic fôrt',
'protect-edit-reasonlist' => 'Changiér les rêsons de protèccion',
'protect-expiry-options' => '1 hora:1 hour,1 jorn:1 day,1 semana:1 week,2 semanes:2 weeks,1 mês:1 month,3 mês:3 months,6 mês:6 months,1 an:1 year,sen fin:infinite',
'restriction-type' => 'Pèrmission :',
'restriction-level' => 'Nivél de rèstriccion :',
'minimum-size' => 'Talye minimon',
'maximum-size' => 'Talye maximon :',
'pagesize' => '(octèts)',
# Restrictions (nouns)
'restriction-edit' => 'Changiér',
'restriction-move' => 'Dèplaciér',
'restriction-create' => 'Fâre',
'restriction-upload' => 'Tèlèchargiér',
# Restriction levels
'restriction-level-sysop' => 'protèccion complèta',
'restriction-level-autoconfirmed' => 'mié-protèccion',
'restriction-level-all' => 'tôs los nivéls',
# Undelete
'undelete' => 'Vêre les pâges suprimâyes',
'undeletepage' => 'Vêre et refâre des pâges suprimâyes',
'undeletepagetitle' => "'''Ceta lista contint des vèrsions suprimâyes de [[:$1|$1]].'''",
'viewdeletedpage' => 'Vêre les pâges suprimâyes',
'undeletepagetext' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Ceta pâge est étâye suprimâye et pués sè trôve|Cetes pâges sont étâyes suprimâyes et pués sè trôvont}} adés dedens les arch·ives, de yô que pô{{PLURAL:$1||von}}t étre refêt{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}.
Les arch·ives pôvont étre èfaciêes règuliérement.',
'undelete-fieldset-title' => 'Refâre les vèrsions',
'undeleteextrahelp' => "Por refâre l'historico complèt de la pâge, lèssiéd totes les câses pas pouentâyes et pués clicâd dessus '''''{{int:undeletebtn}}'''''.
Por fâre na rèstoracion a mêtiêt, pouentâd les câses que corrèspondont a les vèrsions a refâre et pués clicâd dessus '''''{{int:undeletebtn}}'''''.",
'undeleterevisions' => '$1 {{PLURAL:$1|vèrsion arch·ivâye|vèrsions arch·ivâyes}}',
'undeletehistory' => 'Se vos reféte la pâge, totes les vèrsions seront rebetâyes dedens l'historico.
S'una pâge novèla avouéc lo mémo nom est étâye fêta dês la suprèssion, les vèrsions refêtes aparêtront dedens l'historico devant.',
'undeleterevdel' => 'La rèstoracion serat pas fêta s'a la fin la vèrsion la ples novèla de la pâge du fichiér réste a mêtiêt suprimâye.
Dens celos câs, vos dête pas pouentar ou ben cachiér la vèrsion suprimâye la ples novèla.',
'undeletehistorynoadmin' => 'Ceta pâge est étâye suprimâye.
La rêson de la suprèssion est montrâye dens lo rèsumâ ce-desot, avouéc los dètalys des utilisators que l'ant changiê devant la sina suprèssion.
Lo contegnu èfèctif de celes vèrsions suprimâyes est accèssiblo ren qu'ux administrators.',
'undelete-revision' => 'Vèrsion suprimâye de $1 (du $4 a $5) per $3 :',
'undeleterevision-missing' => 'Vèrsion pas justa ou ben manquenta.
Pôt-étre vos éd un crouyo lim ou ben la vèrsion at possu étre refêta ou enlevâye de les arch·ives.',
'undelete-nodiff' => 'Niona vèrsion devant trovâye.',
'undeletebtn' => 'Refâre',
'undeletelink' => 'vêre / refâre',
'undeleteviewlink' => 'vêre',
'undeletereset' => 'Rebetar a zérô',
'undeleteinvert' => 'Envèrsar lo chouèx',
'undeletecomment' => 'Rêson :',
'undeletedrevisions' => '$1 {{PLURAL:$1|vèrsion refêta|vèrsions refêtes}}',
'undeletedrevisions-files' => '$1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}} et $2 fichiér{{PLURAL:$2||s}} refêts',
'undeletedfiles' => '$1 {{PLURAL:$1|fichiér refêt|fichiérs refêts}}',
'cannotundelete' => 'Falyita de la rèstoracion :
$1',
'undeletedpage' => "'''$1 est étâye refêta'''
Vêde lo [[Special:Log/delete|jornal de les suprèssions]] por avêr na lista de les novèles suprèssions et rèstoracions.",
'undelete-header' => 'Vêde lo [[Special:Log/delete|jornal de les suprèssions]] por avêr les pâges suprimâyes dês pou.',
'undelete-search-title' => 'Rechèrchiér des pâges suprimâs',
'undelete-search-box' => 'Rechèrchiér des pâges suprimâs',
'undelete-search-prefix' => 'Montrar les pâges que començont per :',
'undelete-search-submit' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'undelete-no-results' => 'Niona pâge d'ense at étâ trovâ dens les arch·ives de suprèssion.',
'undelete-filename-mismatch' => 'Empossiblo de refâre la vèrsion du fichiér datâ du $1 : lo nom de fichiér corrèspond pas.',
'undelete-bad-store-key' => 'Empossiblo de refâre la vèrsion du fichiér datâ du $1 : lo fichiér ére absent devant la suprèssion.',
'undelete-cleanup-error' => 'Èrror pendent la suprèssion du fichiér de les arch·ives inutilisâ « $1 ».',
'undelete-missing-filearchive' => 'Empossiblo de refâre lo fichiér de les arch·ives avouéc lo numerô $1 perce qu'il est pas dens la bâsa de balyês.
Il at pôt-étre ja étâ refêt.',
'undelete-error' => 'Èrror pendent la rèstoracion de la pâge',
'undelete-error-short' => 'Èrror pendent la rèstoracion du fichiér : $1',
'undelete-error-long' => 'Des èrrors ont étâ rencontrâs pendent la rèstoracion du fichiér :
$1',
'undelete-show-file-confirm' => 'Éte-vos de sûr de volêr vêre una vèrsion suprimâ du fichiér « <nowiki>$1</nowiki> » que dâte du $2 a $3 ?',
'undelete-show-file-submit' => 'Ouè',
# Namespace form on various pages
'namespace' => 'Èspâço de noms :',
'invert' => 'Envèrsar lo chouèx',
'tooltip-invert' => 'Pouentâd ceta câsa por cachiér los changements de les pâges dens l'èspâço de noms chouèsi (et l'èspâço de noms associyê avouéc se pouentâ)',
'namespace_association' => 'Èspâço de noms associyê',
'tooltip-namespace_association' => 'Pouentâd ceta câsa por encllure avouéc l'èspâço de noms de discussion associyê a l'èspâço de noms chouèsi',
'blanknamespace' => '(Principâl)',
# Contributions
'contributions' => 'Contribucions de l'utilisat{{GENDER:$1|or|rice}}',
'contributions-title' => 'Lista de les contribucions a l'usanciér $1',
'mycontris' => 'Contribucions',
'contribsub2' => 'Por $1 ($2)',
'nocontribs' => 'Y at gins de changement que corrèspond a cetos critèros.',
'uctop' => '(dèrriére)',
'month' => 'Dês lo mês (et devant) :',
'year' => 'Dês l'an (et devant) :',
'sp-contributions-newbies' => 'Montrar ren que les contribucions des novéls utilisators',
'sp-contributions-newbies-sub' => 'Permié los comptos novéls',
'sp-contributions-newbies-title' => 'Contribucions d'usanciérs permié los comptos novéls',
'sp-contributions-blocklog' => 'jornal des blocâjos',
'sp-contributions-deleted' => 'contribucions suprimâs',
'sp-contributions-uploads' => 'tèlèchargements',
'sp-contributions-logs' => 'jornals',
'sp-contributions-talk' => 'discutar',
'sp-contributions-userrights' => 'administrar los drêts d'usanciér',
'sp-contributions-blocked-notice' => 'Ceti usanciér est ora blocâ.
La dèrriére entrâ du jornal des blocâjos est disponibla ce-desot :',
'sp-contributions-blocked-notice-anon' => 'Ceta adrèce IP est ora blocâ.
La dèrriére entrâ du jornal des blocâjos est disponibla ce-desot :',
'sp-contributions-search' => 'Rechèrchiér les contribucions',
'sp-contributions-username' => 'Adrèce IP ou ben nom d'usanciér :',
'sp-contributions-toponly' => 'Montrar ren que les novèles vèrsions',
'sp-contributions-submit' => 'Rechèrchiér',
# What links here
'whatlinkshere' => 'Pâges liyês',
'whatlinkshere-title' => 'Pâges que pouentont vers « $1 »',
'whatlinkshere-page' => 'Pâge :',
'linkshere' => "Les pâges ce-desot contegnont un lim de vers '''[[:$1]]''' :",
'nolinkshere' => "Niona pâge contint de lim de vers '''[[:$1]]'''.",
'nolinkshere-ns' => "Niona pâge contint de lim de vers '''[[:$1]]''' dens l'èspâço de noms chouèsi.",
'isredirect' => 'pâge de redirèccion',
'istemplate' => 'encllusion',
'isimage' => 'lim de vers lo fichiér',
'whatlinkshere-prev' => '{{PLURAL:$1|devant|$1 devant}}',
'whatlinkshere-next' => '{{PLURAL:$1|aprés|$1 aprés}}',
'whatlinkshere-links' => '← lims',
'whatlinkshere-hideredirs' => '$1 les redirèccions',
'whatlinkshere-hidetrans' => '$1 les encllusions',
'whatlinkshere-hidelinks' => '$1 los lims',
'whatlinkshere-hideimages' => '$1 los fichiérs liyês',
'whatlinkshere-filters' => 'Filtros',
# Block/unblock
'autoblockid' => 'Blocâjo ôtomatico #$1',
'block' => 'Blocar l'usanciér',
'unblock' => 'Dèblocar l'usanciér',
'blockip' => 'Blocar l'usanciér',
'blockip-title' => 'Blocar l'usanciér',
'blockip-legend' => 'Blocar l'usanciér',
'blockiptext' => 'Utilisâd lo formulèro ce-desot por blocar l'accès en ècritura dês una adrèce IP spècefica ou ben un nom d'usanciér.
Una tâla mesera devrêt étre prêsa ren que por empachiér lo vandalismo et en acôrd avouéc les [[{{MediaWiki:Policy-url}}|règlles de dedens]].
Balyéd ce-desot una rêson justa (per ègzemplo en citent les pâges qu'ont étâ vandalisâs).',
'ipadressorusername' => 'Adrèce IP ou ben nom d'usanciér :',
'ipbexpiry' => 'Temps devant èxpiracion :',
'ipbreason' => 'Rêson :',
'ipbreasonotherlist' => 'Ôtra rêson',
'ipbreason-dropdown' => '*Rêsons corentes de blocâjo
** Entrebetâ d'enformacions fôsses
** Suprèssion de contegnu de les pâges
** Entrebetâ de lims de defôr publicitèros (spame)
** Entrebetâ de contegnu sen gins de significacion et d'ècovelyes dedens les pâges
** Tentativa d'entimidacion ou ben de torment
** Abus d'usâjo d'un mouél de comptos
** Nom d'utilisator pas accèptâblo',
'ipb-hardblock' => 'Empache los changements des usanciérs encartâs qu'utilisont cela adrèce IP',
'ipbcreateaccount' => 'Empachiér la crèacion de compto',
'ipbemailban' => 'Empachiér l'usanciér de mandar des mèssâjos',
'ipbenableautoblock' => 'Blocar ôtomaticament la dèrriére adrèce IP utilisâ per l'usanciér et pués totes ses adrèces IP a vegnir que porrêt èprovar',
'ipbsubmit' => 'Blocar ceti usanciér',
'ipbother' => 'Ôtro temps :',
'ipboptions' => '2 hores:2 hours,1 jorn:1 day,3 jorns:3 days,1 semana:1 week,2 semanes:2 weeks,1 mês:1 month,3 mês:3 months,6 mês:6 months,1 an:1 year,sen fin:infinite',
'ipbotheroption' => 'ôtra',
'ipbotherreason' => 'Ôtra rêson / rêson de ples :',
'ipbhidename' => 'Cachiér lo nom d'usanciér des changements et de les listes',
'ipbwatchuser' => 'Siuvre les pâges usanciér et de discussion a ceti usanciér',
'ipb-disableusertalk' => 'Empache cél usanciér de changiér sa prôpra pâge de discussion pendent lo temps de son blocâjo',
'ipb-change-block' => 'Tornar blocar ceti usanciér avouéc celos paramètres',
'ipb-confirm' => 'Confirmar lo blocâjo',
'badipaddress' => 'L'adrèce IP est fôssa.',
'blockipsuccesssub' => 'Blocâjo reussi',
'blockipsuccesstext' => '[[Special:Contributions/$1|$1]] at étâ blocâ.<br />
Vêde la [[Special:BlockList|lista des blocâjos]] por revêre los blocâjos.',
'ipb-blockingself' => 'Vos éte prèst a vos blocar vos-mémo ! Éte-vos de sûr de lo volêr fâre ?',
'ipb-confirmhideuser' => 'Vos éte prèst a blocar un usanciér avouéc « cachiér l'usanciér » activâ. Cen suprime lo nom a l'usanciér dens totes les listes et les entrâs du jornal. Éte-vos de sûr de lo volêr fâre ?',
'ipb-edit-dropdown' => 'Changiér les rêsons de blocâjo',
'ipb-unblock-addr' => 'Dèblocar $1',
'ipb-unblock' => 'Dèblocar un usanciér ou ben una adrèce IP',
'ipb-blocklist' => 'Vêde los blocâjos ègzistents',
'ipb-blocklist-contribs' => 'Contribucions por $1',
'unblockip' => 'Dèblocar l'usanciér',
'unblockiptext' => 'Utilisâd lo formulèro ce-desot por rètablir l'accès en ècritura dês una adrèce IP spècefica ou ben un nom d'usanciér.',
'ipusubmit' => 'Enlevar ceti blocâjo',
'unblocked' => '[[User:$1|$1]] at étâ dèblocâ',
'unblocked-range' => '$1 at étâ dèblocâ',
'unblocked-id' => 'Lo blocâjo $1 at étâ enlevâ',
'blocklist' => 'Usanciérs blocâs',
'ipblocklist' => 'Usanciérs blocâs',
'ipblocklist-legend' => 'Chèrchiér un usanciér blocâ',
'blocklist-userblocks' => 'Cachiér los blocâjos de comptos',
'blocklist-tempblocks' => 'Cachiér los blocâjos temporèros',
'blocklist-addressblocks' => 'Cachiér los blocâjos d'adrèces IP solètes',
'blocklist-rangeblocks' => 'Cachiér los blocos de portâ',
'blocklist-timestamp' => 'Dâta et hora',
'blocklist-target' => 'Ciba',
'blocklist-expiry' => 'Dâta d'èxpiracion',
'blocklist-by' => 'Administrator qu'at fêt lo blocâjo',
'blocklist-params' => 'Paramètres de blocâjo',
'blocklist-reason' => 'Rêson',
'ipblocklist-submit' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'ipblocklist-localblock' => 'Blocâjo locâl',
'ipblocklist-otherblocks' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Ôtro blocâjo|Ôtros blocâjos}}',
'infiniteblock' => 'sen fin',
'expiringblock' => 'èxpire lo $1 a $2',
'anononlyblock' => 'solament los usanciérs pas encartâs',
'noautoblockblock' => 'blocâjo ôtomatico dèsactivâ',
'createaccountblock' => 'crèacion de compto dèfendua',
'emailblock' => 'mèssageria èlèctronica blocâ',
'blocklist-nousertalk' => 'pôt pas changiér sa prôpra pâge de discussion',
'ipblocklist-empty' => 'Ora, la lista a les adrèces IP blocâs est voueda.',
'ipblocklist-no-results' => 'L'adrèce IP ou ben l'usanciér demandâ est pas blocâ.',
'blocklink' => 'blocar',
'unblocklink' => 'dèblocar',
'change-blocklink' => 'changiér lo blocâjo',
'contribslink' => 'contribucions',
'emaillink' => 'mandar un mèssâjo',
'autoblocker' => 'Vos avéd étâ blocâ ôtomaticament perce que voutra adrèce IP at étâ utilisâ dèrriérement per « [[User:$1|$1]] ».
La rêson balyê por lo blocâjo a $1 est : « $2 ».',
'blocklogpage' => 'Jornal des blocâjos',
'blocklog-showlog' => 'Ceti usanciér at étâ blocâ dês devant.
Lo jornal des blocâjos est disponiblo ce-desot :',
'blocklog-showsuppresslog' => 'Ceti usanciér at étâ blocâ et pués cachiê dês devant.
Lo jornal de les suprèssions est disponiblo ce-desot :',
'blocklogentry' => 'at blocâ [[$1]] ; èxpiracion : $2 $3',
'reblock-logentry' => 'at changiê los paramètres du blocâjo a [[$1]] avouéc una èxpiracion u $2 $3',
'blocklogtext' => 'O est lo jornal de les accions de blocâjo et dèblocâjo d'utilisators.
Les adrèces IP blocâyes ôtomaticament sont pas listâyes.
Vêde la [[Special:BlockList|lista des blocâjos]] por la lista des banissements et des blocâjos que sont ora actifs.',
'unblocklogentry' => 'at dèblocâ $1',
'block-log-flags-anononly' => 'solament los usanciérs pas encartâs',
'block-log-flags-nocreate' => 'crèacion de compto dèfendua',
'block-log-flags-noautoblock' => 'ôtoblocâjo a les adrèces IP dèsactivâ',
'block-log-flags-noemail' => 'èxpèdicion de mèssâjo dèfendua',
'block-log-flags-nousertalk' => 'pôt pas changiér sa prôpra pâge de discussion',
'block-log-flags-angry-autoblock' => 'ôtoblocâjo mèlyorâ activâ',
'block-log-flags-hiddenname' => 'nom d'usanciér cachiê',
'range_block_disabled' => 'Lo povêr d'administrator de fâre des blocâjos de plages d'adrèces IP est dèsactivâ.',
'ipb_expiry_invalid' => 'Temps d'èxpiracion fôx.',
'ipb_expiry_temp' => 'Los blocâjos de noms d'usanciér cachiês dêvont étre sen fin.',
'ipb_hide_invalid' => 'Empossiblo de suprimar ceti compto ; semble avêr trop de changements.',
'ipb_already_blocked' => '« $1 » est ja blocâ',
'ipb-needreblock' => '$1 est ja blocâ.
Voléd-vos changiér los paramètres ?',
'ipb-otherblocks-header' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Ôtro blocâjo|Ôtros blocâjos}}',
'unblock-hideuser' => 'Vos pouede pas dèblocar cél usanciér, perce que son nom d'usanciér at étâ cachiê.',
'ipb_cant_unblock' => 'Èrror : numerô de blocâjo $1 pas trovâ.
O est possiblo qu'un dèblocâjo èye ja étâ fêt.',
'ipb_blocked_as_range' => 'Èrror : l'adrèce IP $1 est pas blocâ tot drêt et pôt vêr pas étre dèblocâ.
Portant, el est avouéc la plage $2 que pôt étre dèblocâ.',
'ip_range_invalid' => 'Plage d'adrèces IP fôssa.',
'ip_range_toolarge' => 'Los blocâjos de plages d'adrèces IP ples grantes que /$1 sont pas ôtorisâs.',
'proxyblocker' => "Bloquior de sèrvors mandatèros (''proxies'')",
'proxyblockreason' => "Voutra adrèce IP at étâ blocâ perce qu'o est un sèrvor mandatèro (''proxy'') uvèrt.
Vos volyéd veriér vers voutron fornissor d'accès u Malyâjo ou ben voutra assistance tècnica et l'enformar de cél problèmo de sècuritât sèriox.",
'sorbsreason' => "Voutra adrèce IP est listâ coment sèrvor mandatèro (''proxy'') uvèrt dens lo DNSBL utilisâ per {{SITENAME}}.",
'sorbs_create_account_reason' => "Voutra adrèce IP est listâ coment sèrvor mandatèro (''proxy'') uvèrt dens lo DNSBL utilisâ per {{SITENAME}}.
Vos pouede pas fâre un compto.",
'cant-block-while-blocked' => 'Vos pouede pas blocar d'ôtros usanciérs tant que vos éte blocâ.',
'cant-see-hidden-user' => 'L'usanciér que vos tâchiéd de blocar at ja étâ blocâ et cachiê.
Pas èyent lo drêt hideuser, vos pouede pas vêre ou ben changiér lo blocâjo a l'usanciér.',
'ipbblocked' => 'Vos pouede pas blocar ou ben dèblocar d'ôtros usanciérs, perce que vos éte vos-mémo blocâ',
'ipbnounblockself' => 'Vos éte pas ôtorisâ a vos dèblocar vos-mémo',
# Developer tools
'lockdb' => 'Vèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês',
'unlockdb' => 'Dèvèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês',
'lockdbtext' => 'Lo vèrrolyâjo de la bâsa de balyês empachierat tôs los usanciérs de changiér des pâges, d'encartar lors prèferences, de changiér lor lista de survelyence et pués de fâre totes les ôtres opèracions qu'ont fôta des changements dens la bâsa de balyês.
Volyéd confirmar qu'o est franc cen que vos voléd fâre et que vos dèvèrrolyeréd la bâsa setout que voutra opèracion de mantegnence serat chavonâ.',
'unlockdbtext' => 'Lo dèvèrrolyâjo de la bâsa de balyês tornerat pèrmetre a tôs los usanciérs de changiér des pâges, d'encartar lors prèferences, de changiér lor lista de survelyence et pués de fâre totes les ôtres opèracions qu'ont fôta des changements dens la bâsa de balyês.
Volyéd confirmar qu'o est franc cen que vos voléd fâre.',
'lockconfirm' => 'Ouè, confirmo que souhèto vèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês.',
'unlockconfirm' => 'Ouè, confirmo que souhèto dèvèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês.',
'lockbtn' => 'Vèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês',
'unlockbtn' => 'Dèvèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês',
'locknoconfirm' => 'Vos éd pas pouentâ la câsa de confirmacion.',
'lockdbsuccesssub' => 'Vèrrolyâjo de la bâsa de balyês reussi',
'unlockdbsuccesssub' => 'Vèrrolyâjo de la bâsa de balyês enlevâ',
'lockdbsuccesstext' => 'La bâsa de donâs est étâye vèrrolyêye.<br />
Oubliâd pas de [[Special:UnlockDB|la dèvèrrolyér]] quand vos aréd chavonâ voutra opèracion de mantegnence.',
'unlockdbsuccesstext' => 'La bâsa de balyês at étâ dèvèrrolyê.',
'lockfilenotwritable' => 'Lo fichiér de vèrrolyâjo de la bâsa de balyês est pas enscriptiblo.
Por vèrrolyér ou ben dèvèrrolyér la bâsa de balyês, dêt étre accèssiblo en ècritura dês lo sèrvor vouèbe.',
'databasenotlocked' => 'La bâsa de balyês est pas vèrrolyê.',
'lockedbyandtime' => '(per $1 lo $2 a $3)',
# Move page
'move-page' => 'Renomar $1',
'move-page-legend' => 'Renomar una pâge',
'movepagetext' => "Utilisâd lo formulèro ce-desot por renomar una pâge, en dèplacient tot son historico vers lo novél nom.
Lo viely titro vindrat una pâge de redirèccion de vers lo titro novél.
Vos pouede betar a jorn ôtomaticament les redirèccions d'ora que pouentont vers lo titro originâl.
Se vos chouèsésséd de pas lo fâre, assurâd-vos de controlar tota [[Special:DoubleRedirects|redirèccion dobla]] ou ben [[Special:BrokenRedirects|câssa]].
Vos avéd la rèsponsabilitât de vos assurar que los lims continuont de pouentar vers lor dèstinacion suposâ.
Notâd que la pâge serat '''pas''' dèplaciê s'y at ja una pâge avouéc lo titro novél, a muens que cela dèrriére seye voueda ou ben seye ren qu'una redirèccion et que son historico des changements seye vouedo.
Cen vôt dére que vos pouede renomar una pâge vers sa posicion d'origina se vos éd fêt una èrror, mas que vos pouede pas ècllafar una pâge ja ègzistenta.
'''ATENCION !'''
Cen pôt provocar un changement fôrt et emprèvu por una pâge sovent vua ;
assurâd-vos de nen avêr comprês les consèquences devant que continuar.",
'movepagetext-noredirectfixer' => "Utilisâd lo formulèro ce-desot por renomar una pâge, en dèplacient tot son historico vers lo novél nom.
Lo viely titro vindrat una pâge de redirèccion de vers lo titro novél.
Controlâd bien les [[Special:DoubleRedirects|redirèccions dobles]] ou ben [[Special:BrokenRedirects|câsses]].
Vos avéd la rèsponsabilitât de vos assurar que los lims continuont de pouentar vers lor dèstinacion suposâ.
Notâd que la pâge serat '''pas''' dèplaciê s'y at ja una pâge avouéc lo titro novél, a muens que cela dèrriére seye voueda ou ben seye ren qu'una redirèccion et que son historico des changements seye vouedo.
Cen vôt dére que vos pouede renomar una pâge vers sa posicion d'origina se vos éd fêt una èrror, mas que vos pouede pas ècllafar una pâge ja ègzistenta.
'''ATENCION !'''
Cen pôt provocar un changement fôrt et emprèvu por una pâge sovent vua ;
assurâd-vos de nen avêr comprês les consèquences devant que continuar.",
'movepagetalktext' => "La pâge de discussion associyê, se presente, serat renomâ ôtomaticament avouéc '''a muens que :'''
* una pâge de discussion pas voueda ègziste ja avouéc lo novél nom, ou ben
* vos pouentâd pas la câsa ce-desot.
Dens celos câs, vos devréd renomar ou ben fusionar la pâge a la man se vos lo voléd.",
'movearticle' => 'Renomar la pâge :',
'moveuserpage-warning' => "'''Atencion :''' vos éte prèst a renomar una pâge usanciér. Volyéd notar que solament la pâge serat renomâ et que l'usanciér serat '''pas''' renomâ.",
'movenologin' => 'Pas branchiê',
'movenologintext' => 'Por povêr renomar una pâge, vos dête étre [[Special:UserLogin|branchiê]] coment usanciér encartâ.',
'movenotallowed' => 'Vos avéd pas la pèrmission de renomar les pâges.',
'movenotallowedfile' => 'Vos avéd pas la pèrmission de renomar los fichiérs.',
'cant-move-user-page' => 'Vos avéd pas la pèrmission de renomar les pâges principâles d'usanciérs (en defôr de lors sot-pâges).',
'cant-move-to-user-page' => 'Vos avéd pas la pèrmission de renomar una pâge vers una pâge usanciér (a l'èxcèpcion d'una sot-pâge).',
'newtitle' => 'De vers lo titro novél :',
'move-watch' => 'Siuvre les pâges sôrsa et ciba',
'movepagebtn' => 'Renomar la pâge',
'pagemovedsub' => 'Changement de nom reussi',
'movepage-moved' => "'''« $1 » at étâ renomâ en « $2 »'''",
'movepage-moved-redirect' => 'Una redirèccion dês lo viely nom at étâ fêta.',
'movepage-moved-noredirect' => 'La crèacion d'una redirèccion dês lo viely nom at étâ anulâ.',
'articleexists' => 'Ègziste ja una pâge que pôrte cél titro, ou ben lo titro que vos éd chouèsi est fôx.
Nen volyéd chouèsir un ôtro.',
'cantmove-titleprotected' => 'Vos pouede pas dèplaciér una pâge vers cél emplacement perce que lo titro novél at étâ protègiê a la crèacion.',
'talkexists' => "'''La pâge lyé-méma at étâ dèplaciê avouéc reusséta, mas la pâge de discussion at pas possu étre dèplaciê perce que nen ègzistâve ja yona desot lo novél nom.'''
'''Les volyéd fusionar a la man.'''",
'movedto' => 'renomâ en',
'movetalk' => 'Renomar avouéc la pâge de discussion associyê',
'move-subpages' => 'Renomar les sot-pâges (tant qu'a $1 pâges)',
'move-talk-subpages' => 'Renomar les sot-pâges de la pâge de discussion (tant qu'a $1 pâges)',
'movepage-page-exists' => 'La pâge $1 ègziste ja et pôt pas étre ècrasâ ôtomaticament.',
'movepage-page-moved' => 'La pâge $1 at étâ renomâ en $2.',
'movepage-page-unmoved' => 'La pâge $1 at pas possu étre renomâ en $2.',
'movepage-max-pages' => 'Lo més de $1 {{PLURAL:$1|pâge at étâ renomâ|pâges ont étâ renomâs}} et niona ôtra pâge serat renomâ ôtomaticament.',
'movelogpage' => 'Jornal des changements de nom',
'movelogpagetext' => 'Vê-que la lista de totes les pâges renomâs ou dèplaciês.',
'movesubpage' => 'Sot-pâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'movesubpagetext' => 'Cela pâge at $1 {{PLURAL:$1|sot-pâge montrâ|sot-pâges montrâs}} ce-desot.',
'movenosubpage' => 'Ceta pâge at gins de sot-pâge.',
'movereason' => 'Rêson :',
'revertmove' => 'rètablir',
'delete_and_move' => 'Suprimar et renomar',
'delete_and_move_text' => '== Suprèssion nècèssèra ==
La pâge de dèstinacion « [[:$1]] » ègziste ja.
La voléd-vos suprimar por pèrmetre lo changement de nom ?',
'delete_and_move_confirm' => 'Ouè, j'accèpto de suprimar la pâge de dèstinacion por pèrmetre lo changement de nom.',
'delete_and_move_reason' => 'Pâge suprimâ por pèrmetre lo changement de nom dês « [[$1]] »',
'selfmove' => 'Los titros d'origina et de dèstinacion sont los mémos ;
empossiblo de renomar una pâge sur lyé-méma.',
'immobile-source-namespace' => 'Vos pouede pas renomar les pâges dens l'èspâço de noms « $1 »',
'immobile-target-namespace' => 'Vos pouede pas renomar des pâges vers l'èspâço de noms « $1 »',
'immobile-target-namespace-iw' => 'Los lims entèrvouiquis sont pas una ciba valida por los changements de nom.',
'immobile-source-page' => 'Cela pâge est pas renomâbla.',
'immobile-target-page' => 'Empossiblo de renomar la pâge vers cél titro.',
'imagenocrossnamespace' => 'Empossiblo de renomar un fichiér vers un èspâço de noms ôtro que « {{ns:file}} ».',
'nonfile-cannot-move-to-file' => 'Empossiblo de renomar quârque-ren d'ôtro qu'un fichiér vers l'èspâço de noms « {{ns:file}} ».',
'imagetypemismatch' => 'La novèla èxtension de cél fichiér corrèspond pas a son tipo.',
'imageinvalidfilename' => 'Lo nom du fichiér ciba est fôx',
'fix-double-redirects' => 'Betar a jorn les redirèccions que pouentont vers lo titro originâl',
'move-leave-redirect' => 'Lèssiér una redirèccion de vers lo titro novél',
'protectedpagemovewarning' => "'''ATENCION :''' ceta pâge at étâ protègiê de façon que solament los usanciérs qu'ont lo statut d'administrator la pouessont renomar.
La dèrriére entrâ du jornal est montrâ ce-desot coment refèrence :",
'semiprotectedpagemovewarning' => "'''Nota :''' ceta pâge at étâ protègiê de façon que solament los usanciérs encartâs la pouessont renomar.
La dèrriére entrâ du jornal est montrâ ce-desot coment refèrence :",
'move-over-sharedrepo' => '== Lo fichiér ègziste ==
[[:$1]] ègziste ja sur un dèpôt partagiê. Renomar cél fichiér rendrat lo fichiér sur lo dèpôt partagiê pas accèssiblo.',
'file-exists-sharedrepo' => 'Lo nom chouèsi est ja utilisâ per un fichiér sur un dèpôt partagiê.
Nen volyéd chouèsir un ôtro.',
# Export
'export' => 'Èxportar des pâges',
'exporttext' => 'Vos pouede èxportar en XML lo tèxto et l'historico d'una pâge ou ben d'un ensemblo de pâges ;
lo rèsultat pôt adonc étre importâ dens un ôtro vouiqui qu'utilise la programeria MediaWiki avouéc la [[Special:Import|pâge d'importacion]].
Por èxportar des pâges, buchiéd lors titros dens la bouèta de tèxto ce-desot, yon titro per legne, et pués chouèsésséd se vos voléd ou pas la vèrsion d'ora avouéc totes les vielyes vèrsions, avouéc les legnes de l'historico de la pâge, ou ben simplament la pâge d'ora avouéc des enformacions sur lo dèrriér changement.
Dens cél dèrriér câs, vos pouede asse-ben utilisar un lim, coment [[{{#Special:Export}}/{{MediaWiki:Mainpage}}]] por la pâge « [[{{MediaWiki:Mainpage}}]] ».',
'exportall' => 'Èxportar totes les pâges',
'exportcuronly' => 'Èxportar ren que la vèrsion d'ora, sen l'historico complèt',
'exportnohistory' => "----
'''Nota :''' l'èxportacion de l'historico complèt de les pâges avouéc ceti formulèro at étâ dèsactivâ por des rêsons de capacitât.",
'exportlistauthors' => 'Encllure una lista complèta ux contributors por châque pâge',
'export-submit' => 'Èxportar',
'export-addcattext' => 'Apondre les pâges de la catègorie :',
'export-addcat' => 'Apondre',
'export-addnstext' => 'Apondre des pâges dens l'èspâço de noms :',
'export-addns' => 'Apondre',
'export-download' => 'Encartar dens un fichiér',
'export-templates' => 'Encllure los modèlos',
'export-pagelinks' => 'Encllure les pâges liyês a una provondior de :',
# Namespace 8 related
'allmessages' => 'Mèssâjos sistèmo',
'allmessagesname' => 'Nom du mèssâjo',
'allmessagesdefault' => 'Mèssâjo per dèfôt',
'allmessagescurrent' => 'Tèxto d'ora',
'allmessagestext' => 'O est la lista des mèssâjos sistèmo disponiblos dens l'èspâço MediaWiki.
Volyéd visitar la [//www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Localisation localisacion de MediaWiki] et pués [//translatewiki.net translatewiki.net] se vos voléd contribuar a la localisacion g·ènèrica de MediaWiki.',
'allmessagesnotsupportedDB' => "Ceta pâge '''{{ns:special}}:Allmessages''' est inutilisâbla perce que '''\$wgUseDatabaseMessages''' at étâ dèsactivâ.",
'allmessages-filter-legend' => 'Filtro',
'allmessages-filter' => 'Filtrar per ètat de changement :',
'allmessages-filter-unmodified' => 'Pas changiê',
'allmessages-filter-all' => 'Tôs',
'allmessages-filter-modified' => 'Changiê',
'allmessages-prefix' => 'Filtrar per prèfixo :',
'allmessages-language' => 'Lengoua :',
'allmessages-filter-submit' => 'Aplicar',
# Thumbnails
'thumbnail-more' => 'Agrantir',
'filemissing' => 'Fichiér manquent',
'thumbnail_error' => 'Èrror pendent la crèacion de la figura : $1',
'djvu_page_error' => 'Pâge DjVu en defôr de les limites',
'djvu_no_xml' => 'Empossiblo de rècupèrar lo XML por lo fichiér DjVu',
'thumbnail-temp-create' => 'Empossiblo de fâre lo fichiér de figura temporèra',
'thumbnail-dest-create' => 'Empossiblo d'encartar la figura sur la dèstinacion',
'thumbnail_invalid_params' => 'Paramètres de la figura fôx',
'thumbnail_dest_directory' => 'Empossiblo de fâre lo rèpèrtouèro de dèstinacion',
'thumbnail_image-type' => 'Tipo d'émâge pas recognu',
'thumbnail_gd-library' => 'Configuracion encomplèta de la bibliotèca GD : fonccion $1 entrovâbla',
'thumbnail_image-missing' => 'Ceti fichiér est entrovâblo : $1',
# Special:Import
'import' => 'Importar des pâges',
'importinterwiki' => 'Importacion entèrvouiqui',
'import-interwiki-text' => 'Chouèsésséd un vouiqui et un titro de pâge a importar.
Les dâtes de les vèrsions et los noms ux contributors seront presèrvâs.
Totes les accions d'importacion entèrvouiqui sont consignês dens lo [[Special:Log/import|jornal de les importacions]].',
'import-interwiki-source' => 'Vouiqui / pâge d'origina :',
'import-interwiki-history' => 'Copiyér totes les vèrsions de l'historico de ceta pâge',
'import-interwiki-templates' => 'Encllure tôs los modèlos',
'import-interwiki-submit' => 'Importar',
'import-interwiki-namespace' => 'Èspâço de noms de dèstinacion :',
'import-interwiki-rootpage' => 'Pâge racena de dèstinacion (u chouèx) :',
'import-upload-filename' => 'Nom du fichiér :',
'import-comment' => 'Comentèro :',
'importtext' => 'Volyéd èxportar lo fichiér dês lo vouiqui d'origina en utilisent son [[Special:Export|outil d'èxportacion]].
Sôvâd-lo sur voutron ordenator et pués tèlèchargiéd-lo ique.',
'importstart' => 'Importacion de les pâges...',
'import-revision-count' => '$1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'importnopages' => 'Gins de pâge a importar.',
'imported-log-entries' => '$1 entrâ{{PLURAL:$1||s}} du jornal importâ{{PLURAL:$1||s}}.',
'importfailed' => 'Falyita de l'importacion : <nowiki>$1</nowiki>',
'importunknownsource' => 'Tipo de la sôrsa a importar encognu',
'importcantopen' => 'Empossiblo d'uvrir lo fichiér a importar',
'importbadinterwiki' => 'Crouyo lim entèrvouiqui',
'importnotext' => 'Vouedo ou ben sen tèxto',
'importsuccess' => 'L'importacion at reussia !',
'importhistoryconflict' => 'Un conflit at étâ dècelâ dens l'historico de les vèrsions (ceta pâge at possu étre importâ dês devant).',
'importnosources' => 'Niona sôrsa d'importacion entèrvouiqui at étâ dèfenia et los tèlèchargements drêts d'historicos sont dèsactivâs.',
'importnofile' => 'Nion fichiér a importar at étâ tèlèchargiê.',
'importuploaderrorsize' => 'Lo tèlèchargement du fichiér a importar at pas reussi.
Sa talye est ples granta que cela ôtorisâ.',
'importuploaderrorpartial' => 'Lo tèlèchargement du fichiér a importar at pas reussi.
Son contegnu at étâ tèlèchargiê ren qu'a mêtiêt.',
'importuploaderrortemp' => 'Lo tèlèchargement du fichiér a importar at pas reussi.
Un dossiér temporèro est manquent.',
'import-parse-failure' => 'Falyita pendent l'analise du XML a importar',
'import-noarticle' => 'Gins de pâge a importar !',
'import-nonewrevisions' => 'Totes les vèrsions ont étâ importâs dês devant.',
'xml-error-string' => '$1 a la legne $2, colona $3 (octèt $4) : $5',
'import-upload' => 'Tèlèchargement de balyês XML',
'import-token-mismatch' => 'Pèrta de les balyês de sèance.
Volyéd tornar èprovar.',
'import-invalid-interwiki' => 'Empossiblo d'importar dês lo vouiqui spècefiâ.',
'import-error-edit' => 'La pâge « $1 » est pas importâ perce que vos éte pas ôtorisâ a la changiér.',
'import-error-create' => 'La pâge « $1 » est pas importâ perce que vos éte pas ôtorisâ a la fâre.',
'import-options-wrong' => '{{PLURAL:$2|Crouyo chouèx|Crouyos chouèx}} : <nowiki>$1</nowiki>',
# Import log
'importlogpage' => 'Jornal de les importacions',
'importlogpagetext' => 'Importacions administratives de pâges avouéc lor historico de changements dês d'ôtros vouiquis.',
'import-logentry-upload' => 'at importâ [[$1]] per tèlèchargement de fichiér',
'import-logentry-upload-detail' => '$1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'import-logentry-interwiki' => 'at importâ $1 per entèrvouiqui',
'import-logentry-interwiki-detail' => '$1 vèrsion{{PLURAL:$1||s}} dês $2',
# JavaScriptTest
'javascripttest' => 'Èprôva de JavaScript',
'javascripttest-title' => 'Èprôves de $1 en cors',
'javascripttest-qunit-intro' => 'Vêde la [$1 documentacion de les èprôves] dessus mediawiki.org.',
'javascripttest-qunit-heading' => 'Suita d'èprôva QUnit de JavaScript dessus MediaWiki',
# Tooltip help for the actions
'tooltip-pt-userpage' => 'Voutra pâge usanciér',
'tooltip-pt-anonuserpage' => 'La pâge usanciér de l'adrèce IP avouéc laquinta vos contribuâd',
'tooltip-pt-mytalk' => 'Voutra pâge de discussion',
'tooltip-pt-anontalk' => 'La pâge de discussion por les contribucions dês cela adrèce IP',
'tooltip-pt-preferences' => 'Voutres prèferences',
'tooltip-pt-watchlist' => 'La lista de les pâges que vos siude los changements',
'tooltip-pt-mycontris' => 'La lista de voutres contribucions',
'tooltip-pt-login' => 'Vos éte encoragiê a vos branchiér ; portant, o est pas oblegatouèro.',
'tooltip-pt-anonlogin' => 'Vos éte encoragiê a vos branchiér ; portant, o est pas oblegatouèro.',
'tooltip-pt-logout' => 'Sè dèbranchiér',
'tooltip-ca-talk' => 'Discussion sur ceta pâge de contegnu',
'tooltip-ca-edit' => 'Vos pouede changiér ceta pâge.
Volyéd utilisar lo boton de prèvisualisacion devant que sôvar.',
'tooltip-ca-addsection' => 'Comenciér una novèla sèccion',
'tooltip-ca-viewsource' => 'Ceta pâge est protègiêye.
Portant vos en pouede vêre lo sin tèxto sôrsa',
'tooltip-ca-history' => 'Les vèrsions passâs de ceta pâge (avouéc lors contributors)',
'tooltip-ca-protect' => 'Protègiér ceta pâge',
'tooltip-ca-unprotect' => 'Changiér la protèccion de ceta pâge',
'tooltip-ca-delete' => 'Suprimar ceta pâge',
'tooltip-ca-undelete' => 'Refâre los changements fêts sur ceta pâge devant sa suprèssion',
'tooltip-ca-move' => 'Renomar ceta pâge',
'tooltip-ca-watch' => 'Apondre ceta pâge a voutra lista de survelyence',
'tooltip-ca-unwatch' => 'Enlevar ceta pâge de voutra lista de survelyence',
'tooltip-search' => 'Rechèrchiér dens {{SITENAME}}',
'tooltip-search-go' => 'Alar vers una pâge que pôrte justo ceti nom s'ègziste.',
'tooltip-search-fulltext' => 'Rechèrchiér les pâges que presentont ceti tèxto.',
'tooltip-p-logo' => 'Pâge principâla',
'tooltip-n-mainpage' => 'Visitar la pâge de reçua du seto',
'tooltip-n-mainpage-description' => 'Alar a la reçua',
'tooltip-n-portal' => 'Sur lo projèt, cen que vos pouede fâre, yô que trovar les chouses',
'tooltip-n-currentevents' => 'Trovar les enformacions de fond sur les dèrriéres novèles',
'tooltip-n-recentchanges' => 'Lista des dèrriérs changements sur lo vouiqui',
'tooltip-n-randompage' => 'Fâre vêre na pâge a l'hasârd',
'tooltip-n-help' => 'Éde',
'tooltip-t-whatlinkshere' => 'Lista de les pâges liyês a ceta',
'tooltip-t-recentchangeslinked' => 'Lista des dèrriérs changements de les pâges liyês a ceta',
'tooltip-feed-rss' => 'Flux RSS por ceta pâge',
'tooltip-feed-atom' => 'Flux Atom por ceta pâge',
'tooltip-t-contributions' => 'Vêre la lista de les contribucions de cet'utilisator',
'tooltip-t-emailuser' => 'Mandar un mèssâjo a ceti usanciér',
'tooltip-t-upload' => 'Tèlèchargiér des fichiérs',
'tooltip-t-specialpages' => 'Lista de totes les pâges spèciâles',
'tooltip-t-print' => 'Vèrsion emprimâbla de ceta pâge',
'tooltip-t-permalink' => 'Lim fixo de vers ceta vèrsion de la pâge',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-main' => 'Vêre la pâge de contegnu',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-user' => 'Vêre la pâge utilisator',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-media' => 'Vêre la pâge du fichiér mèdia',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-special' => 'O est una pâge spèciâla, vos la pouede pas changiér.',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-project' => 'Vêre la pâge projèt',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-image' => 'Vêre la pâge du fichiér',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-mediawiki' => 'Vêre lo mèssâjo sistèmo',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-template' => 'Vêre lo modèlo',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-help' => 'Vêre la pâge d'éde',
'tooltip-ca-nstab-category' => 'Vêre la pâge de la catègorie',
'tooltip-minoredit' => 'Marcar mos changements coment petiôts',
'tooltip-save' => 'Sôvar voutros changements',
'tooltip-preview' => 'Volyéd prèvisualisar voutros changements devant que los sôvar !',
'tooltip-diff' => 'Pèrmèt de montrar los changements que vos éd fêts',
'tooltip-compareselectedversions' => 'Fâre ressortir les difèrences entre doves vèrsions de ceta pâge',
'tooltip-watch' => 'Apondre ceta pâge a voutra lista de survelyence',
'tooltip-watchlistedit-normal-submit' => 'Enlevar los titros',
'tooltip-watchlistedit-raw-submit' => 'Betar a jorn la lista de survelyence',
'tooltip-recreate' => 'Refâre la pâge mémo se ceta at étâ suprimâ',
'tooltip-upload' => 'Emmodar lo tèlèchargement',
'tooltip-rollback' => '« Rèvocar » anule en yon clic lo ou ben los changement(s) de ceta pâge per son dèrriér contributor.',
'tooltip-undo' => '« Dèfâre » rèvoque ceti changement et ôvre la fenétra d'èdicion en fôrma de prèvisualisacion.
Pèrmèt de rètablir la vèrsion devant et pués d'apondre una rêson dens la bouèta de rèsumâ.',
'tooltip-preferences-save' => 'Encartar les prèferences',
'tooltip-summary' => 'Buchiéd un côrt rèsumâ',
# Stylesheets
'common.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique serat aplicâ a tôs los habelyâjos. */',
'cologneblue.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « Blu de Cologne ». */',
'monobook.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « MonoBook ». */',
'modern.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « Modèrno ». */',
'vector.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « Vèctor ». */',
'print.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat les emprèssions. */',
'noscript.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat los usanciérs qu'ont dèsactivâ lo code JavaScript. */',
'group-autoconfirmed.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat ren que los usanciérs encartâs. */',
'group-bot.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat ren que los bots. */',
'group-sysop.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat ren que los administrators. */',
'group-bureaucrat.css' => '/* Lo code CSS betâ ique afècterat ren que los grata-papiérs. */',
# Scripts
'common.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê per tôs los usanciérs avouéc châque chargement de pâge. */',
'cologneblue.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê per los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « Blu de Cologne ». */',
'monobook.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê per los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « MonoBook ». */',
'modern.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê per los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « Modèrno ». */',
'vector.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê per los usanciérs de l'habelyâjo « Vèctor ». */',
'group-autoconfirmed.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê ren que por los usanciérs encartâs. */',
'group-bot.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê ren que por los bots. */',
'group-sysop.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê ren que por los administrators. */',
'group-bureaucrat.js' => '/* Tot code JavaScript betâ ique serat chargiê ren que por los grata-papiérs. */',
# Metadata
'notacceptable' => 'Lo sèrvor vouiqui pôt pas balyér les balyês dens un format que voutron cliant est capâblo de liére.',
# Attribution
'anonymous' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Usanciér pas encartâ|Usanciérs pas encartâs}} dessus {{SITENAME}}',
'siteuser' => 'l'usanciér{{GENDER:$2||e}} $1 de {{SITENAME}}',
'anonuser' => 'l'usanciér pas encartâ $1 de {{SITENAME}}',
'lastmodifiedatby' => 'Ceta pâge at étâ changiê por lo dèrriér côp lo $1 a $2 per $3.',
'othercontribs' => 'Basâ sur l'ôvra a $1.',
'others' => 'ôtros',
'siteusers' => '{{PLURAL:$2|l'usanciér|los usanciérs}} $1 de {{SITENAME}}',
'anonusers' => '{{PLURAL:$2|l'usanciér pas encartâ|los usanciérs pas encartâs}} $1 de {{SITENAME}}',
'creditspage' => 'Crèdits de la pâge',
'nocredits' => 'Y at gins d'enformacion d'atribucion disponibla por ceta pâge.',
# Spam protection
'spamprotectiontitle' => 'Pâge protègiê ôtomaticament a côsa de spame',
'spamprotectiontext' => 'La pâge que vos éd tâchiê de sôvar at étâ blocâ per lo filtro anti-spame.
O est probâblament diu a un lim de vers un seto de defôr qu'aparêt sur la lista nêre.',
'spamprotectionmatch' => "La chêna de caractèros « '''$1''' » at dècllenchiê lo dècelior de spame.",
'spambot_username' => 'Neteyâjo de spame per MediaWiki',
'spam_reverting' => 'Rètablissement de la dèrriére vèrsion que contint gins de lim de vers $1',
'spam_blanking' => 'Totes les vèrsions que contegnont des lims de vers $1 sont blanchies',
'spam_deleting' => 'Totes les vèrsions que contegnont des lims de vers $1 sont suprimâs',
# Info page
'pageinfo-title' => 'Enformacions por « $1 »',
'pageinfo-header-basic' => 'Enformacions de bâsa',
'pageinfo-header-edits' => 'Historico des changements',
'pageinfo-header-restrictions' => 'Protèccion de la pâge',
'pageinfo-header-properties' => 'Propriètâts de la pâge',
'pageinfo-display-title' => 'Titro montrâ',
'pageinfo-default-sort' => 'Cllâf de tri per dèfôt',
'pageinfo-length' => 'Talye de la pâge (en octèts)',
'pageinfo-article-id' => 'Numerô de la pâge',
'pageinfo-language' => 'Lengoua du contegnu de la pâge',
'pageinfo-robot-policy' => 'Statut de motor de rechèrche',
'pageinfo-robot-index' => 'Endèxâblo',
'pageinfo-robot-noindex' => 'Pas endèxâblo',
'pageinfo-views' => 'Nombro de visualisacions',
'pageinfo-watchers' => 'Nombro de contributors qu'ont la pâge dedens lor lista de survelyence',
'pageinfo-redirects-name' => 'Redirèccions de vers ceta pâge',
'pageinfo-subpages-name' => 'Sot-pâges de ceta pâge',
'pageinfo-subpages-value' => '$1 ($2 redirèccion{{PLURAL:$2||s}} ; $3 nan-redirèccion{{PLURAL:$3||s}})',
'pageinfo-firstuser' => 'Crèator de la pâge',
'pageinfo-firsttime' => 'Dâta de crèacion de la pâge',
'pageinfo-lastuser' => 'Dèrriér contributor',
'pageinfo-lasttime' => 'Dâta du dèrriér changement',
'pageinfo-edits' => 'Soma totâla de changements',
'pageinfo-authors' => 'Soma totâla d'ôtors difèrents',
'pageinfo-recent-edits' => 'Nombro de novéls changements (dedens los $1 passâs)',
'pageinfo-recent-authors' => 'Nombro de novéls ôtors difèrents',
'pageinfo-magic-words' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Mot magico|Mots magicos}} ($1)',
'pageinfo-hidden-categories' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Catègorie cachiêye|Catègories cachiêyes}} ($1)',
'pageinfo-templates' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Modèlo encllu|Modèlos encllus}} ($1)',
'pageinfo-toolboxlink' => 'Enformacions sur la pâge',
'pageinfo-redirectsto' => 'Redirige vers',
'pageinfo-redirectsto-info' => 'enfô',
'pageinfo-contentpage' => 'Comptâ coment pâge de contegnu',
'pageinfo-contentpage-yes' => 'Ouè',
'pageinfo-protect-cascading-yes' => 'Ouè',
# Skin names
'skinname-cologneblue' => 'Blu de Cologne',
'skinname-monobook' => 'MonoBook',
'skinname-modern' => 'Modèrno',
'skinname-vector' => 'Vèctor',
# Patrolling
'markaspatrolleddiff' => 'Marcar coment survelyê',
'markaspatrolledtext' => 'Marcar ceta pâge coment survelyê',
'markedaspatrolled' => 'Marcâye coment survelyêye',
'markedaspatrolledtext' => 'La vèrsion chouèsia de [[:$1]] est étâye marcâye coment survelyêye.',
'rcpatroldisabled' => 'La fonccion de survelyence des dèrriérs changements est pas activâ.',
'rcpatroldisabledtext' => 'La fonccionalitât de survelyence des dèrriérs changements est pas activâ.',
'markedaspatrollederror' => 'Pôt pas étre marcâye coment survelyêye',
'markedaspatrollederrortext' => 'Vos dête chouèsir una vèrsion por la povêr marcar coment survelyê.',
'markedaspatrollederror-noautopatrol' => 'Vos avéd pas lo drêt de marcar voutros prôpros changements coment survelyês.',
# Patrol log
'patrol-log-page' => 'Jornal de les vèrsions survelyês',
'patrol-log-header' => 'Vê-que un jornal de les vèrsions survelyês.',
'log-show-hide-patrol' => '$1 lo jornal de les vèrsions survelyês',
# Image deletion
'deletedrevision' => 'La vielye vèrsion $1 at étâ suprimâ.',
'filedeleteerror-short' => 'Èrror pendent la suprèssion du fichiér : $1',
'filedeleteerror-long' => 'Des èrrors ont étâ rencontrâs pendent la suprèssion du fichiér :
$1',
'filedelete-missing' => 'Lo fichiér « $1 » pôt pas étre suprimâ perce qu'ègziste pas.',
'filedelete-old-unregistered' => 'La vèrsion du fichiér spècefiâ « $1 » est pas dens la bâsa de balyês.',
'filedelete-current-unregistered' => 'Lo fichiér spècefiâ « $1 » est pas dens la bâsa de balyês.',
'filedelete-archive-read-only' => 'Lo dossiér d'arch·ivâjo « $1 » pôt pas étre changiê per lo sèrvor.',
# Browsing diffs
'previousdiff' => '← Changement devant',
'nextdiff' => 'Changement aprés →',
# Media information
'mediawarning' => "'''Atencion :''' ceti tipo de fichiér pôt contegnir de code mâlvelyent.
Se vos l'ègzécutâd, voutron sistèmo pôt étre compromês.",
'imagemaxsize' => "Format lo ples grant de les émâges :<br />''(por les pâges de dèscripcion d'émâges)''",
'thumbsize' => 'Talye de la figura :',
'widthheightpage' => '$1 × $2, $3 pâge{{PLURAL:$3||s}}',
'file-info' => 'Talye du fichiér : $1, tipo MIME : $2',
'file-info-size' => '$1 × $2 pixèls, talye du fichiér : $3, tipo MIME : $4',
'file-info-size-pages' => '$1 × $2 pixèls, talye du fichiér : $3, tipo MIME : $4, $5 pâge{{PLURAL:$5||s}}',
'file-nohires' => 'Gins de rèsolucion ples hôta disponibla.',
'svg-long-desc' => 'Fichiér SVG, rèsolucion de $1 × $2 pixèls, talye : $3',
'svg-long-error' => 'Fichiér SVG envalido : $1',
'show-big-image' => 'Émâge en rèsolucion ples hôta',
'show-big-image-preview' => 'Talye de ceti apèrçu : $1.',
'show-big-image-other' => '{{PLURAL:$2|Ôtra rèsolucion|Ôtres rèsolucions}} : $1.',
'show-big-image-size' => '$1 × $2 pixèls',
'file-info-gif-looped' => 'en boclla',
'file-info-gif-frames' => '$1 émâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'file-info-png-looped' => 'en boclla',
'file-info-png-repeat' => 'jouyê $1 côp{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'file-info-png-frames' => '$1 émâge{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
# Special:NewFiles
'newimages' => 'Galerie des novéls fichiérs',
'imagelisttext' => "Vê-que una lista de '''$1''' {{PLURAL:$1|fichiér rengiê|fichiérs rengiês}} $2.",
'newimages-summary' => 'Ceta pâge spèciâla montre los dèrriérs fichiérs tèlèchargiês.',
'newimages-legend' => 'Nom du fichiér',
'newimages-label' => 'Nom du fichiér (ou ben una partia de ceti) :',
'showhidebots' => '($1 los bots)',
'noimages' => 'Gins de fichiér a fâre vêre.',
'ilsubmit' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'bydate' => 'per dâta',
'sp-newimages-showfrom' => 'Montrar los novéls fichiérs dês lo $1 a $2',
# Video information, used by Language::formatTimePeriod() to format lengths in the above messages
'days-abbrev' => '$1j',
'seconds' => '$1 second{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'minutes' => '$1 menut{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'hours' => '$1 hor{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'days' => '$1 jorn{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'ago' => 'cen fât $1',
'just-now' => 'drêt-ora',
# Bad image list
'bad_image_list' => 'Lo format est ceti :
Solament les listes d'ènumèracion (que començont per *) sont considèrâs.
Lo premiér lim d'una legne dêt étre vers celi d'una crouye émâge.
Los ôtros lims sur la méma legne sont considèrâs coment des èxcèpcions, per ègzemplo des pâges sur lesquintes l'émâge pôt aparêtre.',
# Metadata
'metadata' => 'Mètabalyês',
'metadata-help' => 'Ceti fichiér contint des enformacions de ples, probâblament apondues per l'aparèly-fotô numerico ou ben lo scanor utilisâ por lo fâre.
Se lo fichiér at étâ changiê dês son ètat originâl, quârques dètalys pôvont pas reflètar a chavon l'émâge changiê.',
'metadata-expand' => 'Montrar los dètalys ètendus',
'metadata-collapse' => 'Cachiér los dètalys ètendus',
'metadata-fields' => 'Los champs de mètabalyês d'émâge listâs dens ceti mèssâjo seront encllus dens la pâge de dèscripcion de l'émâge quand la trâbla de mètabalyês serat rèduita.
Los ôtros champs seront cachiês per dèfôt.
* make
* model
* datetimeoriginal
* exposuretime
* fnumber
* isospeedratings
* focallength
* artist
* copyright
* imagedescription
* gpslatitude
* gpslongitude
* gpsaltitude',
'metadata-langitem' => "'''$2 :''' $1",
# Exif tags
'exif-imagewidth' => 'Largior',
'exif-imagelength' => 'Hôtior',
'exif-bitspersample' => 'Bits per composenta',
'exif-compression' => 'Tipo de comprèssion',
'exif-photometricinterpretation' => 'Composicion des pixèls',
'exif-orientation' => 'Oriantacion',
'exif-samplesperpixel' => 'Nombro de composentes',
'exif-planarconfiguration' => 'Arrengement de les balyês',
'exif-ycbcrsubsampling' => 'Quota de sot-èchantelyonâjo de Y a C',
'exif-ycbcrpositioning' => 'Posicionement Y et C',
'exif-xresolution' => 'Rèsolucion plana',
'exif-yresolution' => 'Rèsolucion drêta',
'exif-stripoffsets' => 'Emplacement de les balyês de l'émâge',
'exif-rowsperstrip' => 'Nombro de legnes per benda',
'exif-stripbytecounts' => 'Talye en octèts per benda',
'exif-jpeginterchangeformat' => 'Posicion du SOI JPEG',
'exif-jpeginterchangeformatlength' => 'Talye en octèts de les balyês JPEG',
'exif-whitepoint' => 'Cromaticitât du pouent blanc',
'exif-primarychromaticities' => 'Cromaticitât de les colors primères',
'exif-ycbcrcoefficients' => 'Factors de la matrice de transformacion de l'èspâço colorimètrico',
'exif-referenceblackwhite' => 'Valors de refèrence nêr et blanc',
'exif-datetime' => 'Dâta et hora de changement du fichiér',
'exif-imagedescription' => 'Titro de l'émâge',
'exif-make' => 'Fabrecant de l'aparèly-fotô',
'exif-model' => 'Modèlo de l'aparèly-fotô',
'exif-software' => 'Programeria utilisâ',
'exif-artist' => 'Ôtor',
'exif-copyright' => 'Dètentor du drêt d'ôtor',
'exif-exifversion' => 'Vèrsion Exif',
'exif-flashpixversion' => 'Vèrsion FlashPix recognua',
'exif-colorspace' => 'Èspâço colorimètrico',
'exif-componentsconfiguration' => 'Significacion de châque composenta',
'exif-compressedbitsperpixel' => 'Fôrma de comprèssion de l'émâge',
'exif-pixelydimension' => 'Largior de l'émâge',
'exif-pixelxdimension' => 'Hôtior de l'émâge',
'exif-usercomment' => 'Comentèros a l'usanciér',
'exif-relatedsoundfile' => 'Fichiér ôdiô associyê',
'exif-datetimeoriginal' => 'Dâta et hora de la g·ènèracion de les balyês',
'exif-datetimedigitized' => 'Dâta et hora de la numerisacion',
'exif-subsectime' => 'Dâta et hora en fraccions de secondes de changement du fichiér',
'exif-subsectimeoriginal' => 'Dâta et hora en fraccions de secondes de la g·ènèracion de les balyês',
'exif-subsectimedigitized' => 'Dâta et hora en fraccions de secondes de la numerisacion',
'exif-exposuretime' => 'Temps d'èxposicion',
'exif-exposuretime-format' => '$1 s ($2)',
'exif-fnumber' => 'Nombro f',
'exif-exposureprogram' => 'Programo d'èxposicion',
'exif-spectralsensitivity' => 'Sensibilitât spèctrâla',
'exif-isospeedratings' => 'Sensibilitât ISO',
'exif-shutterspeedvalue' => 'Vitèsse d'ètopâ de l'APEX',
'exif-aperturevalue' => 'Uvèrtura de l'APEX',
'exif-brightnessvalue' => 'Luminance APEX',
'exif-exposurebiasvalue' => 'Corrèccion d'èxposicion',
'exif-maxaperturevalue' => 'Uvèrtura la ples granta',
'exif-subjectdistance' => 'Distance du sujèt',
'exif-meteringmode' => 'Fôrma de mesera',
'exif-lightsource' => 'Sôrsa de lumiére',
'exif-flash' => 'Èludo',
'exif-focallength' => 'Longior focâla',
'exif-subjectarea' => 'Emplacement du sujèt',
'exif-flashenergy' => 'Nèrf de l'èludo',
'exif-focalplanexresolution' => 'Rèsolucion plana de la vision focâla',
'exif-focalplaneyresolution' => 'Rèsolucion drêta de la vision focâla',
'exif-focalplaneresolutionunit' => 'Unitât de rèsolucion de la vision focâla',
'exif-subjectlocation' => 'Posicion du sujèt',
'exif-exposureindex' => 'Endèxe d'èxposicion',
'exif-sensingmethod' => 'Tipo de captior',
'exif-filesource' => 'Sôrsa du fichiér',
'exif-scenetype' => 'Tipo de scèna',
'exif-customrendered' => 'Rendu d'émâge pèrsonalisâ',
'exif-exposuremode' => 'Fôrma d'èxposicion',
'exif-whitebalance' => 'Balance des blancs',
'exif-digitalzoomratio' => "Quota d'agrantissement numerico (''zoom'')",
'exif-focallengthin35mmfilm' => 'Longior focâla por un filme 35 mm',
'exif-scenecapturetype' => 'Tipo de prêsa de la scèna',
'exif-gaincontrol' => 'Contrôlo de scèna',
'exif-contrast' => 'Contraste',
'exif-saturation' => 'Saturacion',
'exif-sharpness' => 'Prècision',
'exif-devicesettingdescription' => 'Dèscripcion de la configuracion du dispositif',
'exif-subjectdistancerange' => 'Distance du sujèt',
'exif-imageuniqueid' => 'Numerô solèt de l'émâge',
'exif-gpsversionid' => 'Vèrsion de la balisa GPS',
'exif-gpslatituderef' => "Latituda bise (''nord'') ou mié-jorn (''sud'')",
'exif-gpslatitude' => 'Latituda',
'exif-gpslongituderef' => "Longituda levant (''èst'') ou ponant (''ouèst'')",
'exif-gpslongitude' => 'Longituda',
'exif-gpsaltituderef' => 'Refèrence d'hôtior',
'exif-gpsaltitude' => 'Hôtior',
'exif-gpstimestamp' => 'Hora GPS (relojo atomico)',
'exif-gpssatellites' => 'Satèlites utilisâs por la mesera',
'exif-gpsstatus' => 'Ètat du recevior',
'exif-gpsmeasuremode' => 'Fôrma de mesera',
'exif-gpsdop' => 'Prècision de la mesera',
'exif-gpsspeedref' => 'Unitât de vitèsse du recevior GPS',
'exif-gpsspeed' => 'Vitèsse du recevior GPS',
'exif-gpstrackref' => 'Refèrence por la dirèccion du mouvement',
'exif-gpstrack' => 'Dirèccion du mouvement',
'exif-gpsimgdirectionref' => 'Refèrence por la dirèccion de l'émâge',
'exif-gpsimgdirection' => 'Dirèccion de l'émâge',
'exif-gpsmapdatum' => 'Sistèmo g·eodèsico utilisâ',
'exif-gpsdestlatituderef' => 'Refèrence por la latituda de la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestlatitude' => 'Latituda de la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestlongituderef' => 'Refèrence por la longituda de la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestlongitude' => 'Longituda de la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestbearingref' => 'Refèrence por lo relèvament de la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestbearing' => 'Relèvament de la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestdistanceref' => 'Refèrence por la distance a la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsdestdistance' => 'Distance a la dèstinacion',
'exif-gpsprocessingmethod' => 'Nom du tipo de trètament du GPS',
'exif-gpsareainformation' => 'Nom de la zona GPS',
'exif-gpsdatestamp' => 'Dâta GPS',
'exif-gpsdifferential' => 'Corrèccion difèrencièla GPS',
'exif-jpegfilecomment' => 'Comentèro de fichiér JPEG',
'exif-keywords' => 'Mots-cllâfs',
'exif-worldregioncreated' => 'Règ·ion du mondo que la fotô at étâ prêsa',
'exif-countrycreated' => 'Payis que la fotô at étâ prêsa',
'exif-countrycodecreated' => 'Code du payis que la fotô at étâ prêsa',
'exif-provinceorstatecreated' => 'Province ou ben ètat que la fotô at étâ prêsa',
'exif-citycreated' => 'Vela que la fotô at étâ prêsa',
'exif-sublocationcreated' => 'Partia de la vela que la fotô at étâ prêsa',
'exif-worldregiondest' => 'Règ·ion du mondo montrâ',
'exif-countrydest' => 'Payis montrâ',
'exif-countrycodedest' => 'Code du payis montrâ',
'exif-provinceorstatedest' => 'Province ou ben ètat montrâ',
'exif-citydest' => 'Vela montrâ',
'exif-sublocationdest' => 'Partia de la vela montrâ',
'exif-objectname' => 'Titro côrt',
'exif-specialinstructions' => 'Enstruccions spèciâles',
'exif-headline' => 'Titro',
'exif-credit' => 'Crèdit / fornissor',
'exif-source' => 'Sôrsa',
'exif-editstatus' => 'Statut èditoriâl de l'émâge',
'exif-urgency' => 'Urgence',
'exif-fixtureidentifier' => 'Nom de l'outil',
'exif-locationdest' => 'Endrêt fotografiâ',
'exif-locationdestcode' => 'Code de l'endrêt fotografiâ',
'exif-objectcycle' => 'Moment de la jornâ que ceti mèdia est dèstinâ',
'exif-contact' => 'Enformacions de contacte',
'exif-writer' => 'Ôtor',
'exif-languagecode' => 'Lengoua',
'exif-iimversion' => 'Vèrsion IIM',
'exif-iimcategory' => 'Catègorie',
'exif-iimsupplementalcategory' => 'Catègories de ples',
'exif-datetimeexpires' => 'Pas utilisar aprés',
'exif-datetimereleased' => 'Paru lo',
'exif-originaltransmissionref' => 'Code de l'endrêt de la transmission originâla',
'exif-identifier' => 'Numerô',
'exif-lens' => 'Lentelye utilisâ',
'exif-serialnumber' => 'Numerô de sèria de l'aparèly-fotô',
'exif-cameraownername' => 'Propriètèro de l'aparèly-fotô',
'exif-label' => 'Lambél',
'exif-datetimemetadata' => 'Dâta du dèrriér changement de les mètabalyês',
'exif-nickname' => 'Nom enformèl de l'émâge',
'exif-rating' => 'Nota (sur 5)',
'exif-rightscertificate' => 'Cèrtificat d'administracion des drêts',
'exif-copyrighted' => 'Statut des drêts d'ôtor',
'exif-copyrightowner' => 'Propriètèro du drêt d'ôtor',
'exif-usageterms' => 'Condicions d'usâjo',
'exif-webstatement' => 'Dècllaracion des drêts d'ôtor en legne',
'exif-originaldocumentid' => 'Numerô solèt du document originâl',
'exif-licenseurl' => 'URL de la licence',
'exif-morepermissionsurl' => 'Enformacions sur les licences altèrnatives',
'exif-attributionurl' => 'Pendent lo reusâjo de cela ôvra, volyéd liyér a',
'exif-preferredattributionname' => 'Pendent lo reusâjo de cela ôvra, volyéd crèditar',
'exif-pngfilecomment' => 'Comentèro de fichiér PNG',
'exif-disclaimer' => 'Avèrtissement',
'exif-contentwarning' => 'Avèrtissement sur lo contegnu',
'exif-giffilecomment' => 'Comentèro de fichiér GIF',
'exif-intellectualgenre' => 'Tipo d'èlèment',
'exif-subjectnewscode' => 'Code du sujèt',
'exif-scenecode' => 'Code de scèna IPTC',
'exif-event' => 'Èvènement fotografiâ',
'exif-organisationinimage' => 'Organisacion fotografiâ',
'exif-personinimage' => 'Pèrsona fotografiâ',
'exif-originalimageheight' => 'Hôtior de l'émâge devant qu'el èye étâ tornâ cadrar',
'exif-originalimagewidth' => 'Largior de l'émâge devant qu'el èye étâ tornâ cadrar',
# Exif attributes
'exif-compression-1' => 'Pas comprèssâ',
'exif-compression-2' => 'CCITT tropa 3 longior du codâjo Huffman changiê de dimension 1',
'exif-compression-3' => 'CCITT tropa 3 codâjo du faxe',
'exif-compression-4' => 'CCITT tropa 4 codâjo du faxe',
'exif-compression-6' => 'JPEG (viely)',
'exif-copyrighted-true' => 'Somês a drêt d'ôtor',
'exif-copyrighted-false' => 'Domêno publico',
'exif-unknowndate' => 'Dâta encognua',
'exif-orientation-1' => 'Normala',
'exif-orientation-2' => 'Envèrsâ d'aplan',
'exif-orientation-3' => 'Veriê de 180°',
'exif-orientation-4' => 'Envèrsâ d'aplomb',
'exif-orientation-5' => 'Veriê de 90° dens la dirèccion antihorèra et envèrsâ d'aplomb',
'exif-orientation-6' => 'Veriê de 90° dens la dirèccion antihorèra',
'exif-orientation-7' => 'Veriê de 90° dens la dirèccion horèra et envèrsâ d'aplomb',
'exif-orientation-8' => 'Veriê de 90° dens la dirèccion horèra',
'exif-planarconfiguration-1' => 'Balyês ategnentes',
'exif-planarconfiguration-2' => 'Balyês sèparâs',
'exif-colorspace-65535' => 'Pas calibrâ',
'exif-componentsconfiguration-0' => 'Ègziste pas',
'exif-componentsconfiguration-5' => 'V',
'exif-exposureprogram-0' => 'Pas dèfeni',
'exif-exposureprogram-1' => 'Manuèl',
'exif-exposureprogram-2' => 'Programo normal',
'exif-exposureprogram-3' => 'Prioritât a l'uvèrtura',
'exif-exposureprogram-4' => 'Prioritât a l'ètopior',
'exif-exposureprogram-5' => 'Programo crèacion (prèference a la provondior de champ)',
'exif-exposureprogram-6' => 'Programo accion (prèference a la vitèsse d'ètopâ)',
'exif-exposureprogram-7' => 'Fôrma portrèt (por clich·ês de prés avouéc fond pas nèt)',
'exif-exposureprogram-8' => 'Fôrma payisâjo (por des clich·ês de payisâjos nèts)',
'exif-subjectdistance-value' => '$1 mètre{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'exif-meteringmode-0' => 'Encognua',
'exif-meteringmode-1' => 'Moyena',
'exif-meteringmode-2' => 'Moyena èquilibrâ u centro',
'exif-meteringmode-3' => 'Pouent',
'exif-meteringmode-4' => 'MultiPouent',
'exif-meteringmode-5' => 'Modèlo',
'exif-meteringmode-6' => 'Encomplèta',
'exif-meteringmode-255' => 'Ôtra',
'exif-lightsource-0' => 'Encognua',
'exif-lightsource-1' => 'Lumiére du jorn',
'exif-lightsource-2' => 'Fluorèscenta',
'exif-lightsource-3' => 'Tungstène (lumiére chôdâ a blanc)',
'exif-lightsource-4' => 'Èludo',
'exif-lightsource-9' => 'Temps cllâr',
'exif-lightsource-10' => 'Temps enneblo',
'exif-lightsource-11' => 'Ombra',
'exif-lightsource-12' => 'Lumiére fluorèscenta « lumiére du jorn » (D 5700 – 7100 K)',
'exif-lightsource-13' => 'Lumiére fluorèscenta blanche « jorn » (N 4600 – 5400 K)',
'exif-lightsource-14' => 'Lumiére fluorèscenta blanche « frêd » (W 3900 – 4500 K)',
'exif-lightsource-15' => 'Lumiére fluorèscenta blanche (WW 3200 – 3700 K)',
'exif-lightsource-17' => 'Lumiére estandârd A',
'exif-lightsource-18' => 'Lumiére estandârd B',
'exif-lightsource-19' => 'Lumiére estandârd C',
'exif-lightsource-24' => 'Tungstène ISO de studiô',
'exif-lightsource-255' => 'Ôtra sôrsa de lumiére',
# Flash modes
'exif-flash-fired-0' => 'Èludo pas dècllenchiê',
'exif-flash-fired-1' => 'Èludo dècllenchiê',
'exif-flash-return-0' => 'nion stroboscopo retorne una fonccion de dètèccion',
'exif-flash-return-2' => 'lo stroboscopo retorne una lumiére pas dècelâ',
'exif-flash-return-3' => 'lo stroboscopo retorne una lumiére dècelâ',
'exif-flash-mode-1' => 'lumiére de l'èludo oblegatouèra',
'exif-flash-mode-2' => 'suprèssion de l'èludo oblegatouèra',
'exif-flash-mode-3' => 'fôrma ôtomatica',
'exif-flash-function-1' => 'Gins de fonccion d'èludo',
'exif-flash-redeye-1' => 'fôrma anti-uelys rojos',
'exif-focalplaneresolutionunit-2' => 'pôjos',
'exif-sensingmethod-1' => 'Pas dèfeni',
'exif-sensingmethod-2' => 'Captior de color a yona puge',
'exif-sensingmethod-3' => 'Captior de color a doves puges',
'exif-sensingmethod-4' => 'Captior de color a três puges',
'exif-sensingmethod-5' => 'Captior de color sèquencièl',
'exif-sensingmethod-7' => 'Captior trilinèâr',
'exif-sensingmethod-8' => 'Captior de color linèâr sèquencièl',
'exif-filesource-3' => 'Aparèly-fotô numerico',
'exif-scenetype-1' => 'Émâge fotografiâ tot drêt',
'exif-customrendered-0' => 'Maniére normala',
'exif-customrendered-1' => 'Maniére pèrsonalisâ',
'exif-exposuremode-0' => 'Èxposicion ôtomatica',
'exif-exposuremode-1' => 'Èxposicion manuèla',
'exif-exposuremode-2' => 'Forchèta ôtomatica',
'exif-whitebalance-0' => 'Balance des blancs ôtomatica',
'exif-whitebalance-1' => 'Balance des blancs manuèla',
'exif-scenecapturetype-0' => 'Estandârd',
'exif-scenecapturetype-1' => 'Payisâjo',
'exif-scenecapturetype-2' => 'Portrèt',
'exif-scenecapturetype-3' => 'Scèna de nuet',
'exif-gaincontrol-0' => 'Nion',
'exif-gaincontrol-1' => 'Guen fêblament positif',
'exif-gaincontrol-2' => 'Guen fôrtament positif',
'exif-gaincontrol-3' => 'Guen fêblament nègatif',
'exif-gaincontrol-4' => 'Guen fôrtament nègatif',
'exif-contrast-0' => 'Normal',
'exif-contrast-1' => 'Fêblo',
'exif-contrast-2' => 'Fôrt',
'exif-saturation-0' => 'Normala',
'exif-saturation-1' => 'Saturacion fêbla',
'exif-saturation-2' => 'Saturacion hôta',
'exif-sharpness-0' => 'Normala',
'exif-sharpness-1' => 'Doce',
'exif-sharpness-2' => 'Dura',
'exif-subjectdistancerange-0' => 'Encognua',
'exif-subjectdistancerange-1' => 'Vision en grôs',
'exif-subjectdistancerange-2' => 'Vision de prés',
'exif-subjectdistancerange-3' => 'Vision de luen',
# Pseudotags used for GPSLatitudeRef and GPSDestLatitudeRef
'exif-gpslatitude-n' => "Latituda bise (''nord'')",
'exif-gpslatitude-s' => "Latituda mié-jorn (''sud'')",
# Pseudotags used for GPSLongitudeRef and GPSDestLongitudeRef
'exif-gpslongitude-e' => "Longituda levant (''èst'')",
'exif-gpslongitude-w' => "Longituda ponant (''ouèst'')",
# Pseudotags used for GPSAltitudeRef
'exif-gpsaltitude-above-sealevel' => '$1 mètre{{PLURAL:$1||s}} en-d'amont du nivél de la mar',
'exif-gpsaltitude-below-sealevel' => '$1 mètre{{PLURAL:$1||s}} en-desot du nivél de la mar',
'exif-gpsstatus-a' => 'Mesera en cors',
'exif-gpsstatus-v' => 'Entèropèrabilitât de la mesera',
'exif-gpsmeasuremode-2' => 'Mesera a 2 dimensions',
'exif-gpsmeasuremode-3' => 'Mesera a 3 dimensions',
# Pseudotags used for GPSSpeedRef
'exif-gpsspeed-k' => 'Kilomètres per hora',
'exif-gpsspeed-m' => 'Miles per hora',
'exif-gpsspeed-n' => 'Nuods',
# Pseudotags used for GPSDestDistanceRef
'exif-gpsdestdistance-k' => 'Kilomètres',
'exif-gpsdestdistance-m' => 'Miles',
'exif-gpsdestdistance-n' => 'Miles marins',
'exif-gpsdop-excellent' => 'Famosa ($1)',
'exif-gpsdop-good' => 'Bôna ($1)',
'exif-gpsdop-moderate' => 'Moyena ($1)',
'exif-gpsdop-fair' => 'Passâbla ($1)',
'exif-gpsdop-poor' => 'Crouye ($1)',
'exif-objectcycle-a' => 'Matin solament',
'exif-objectcycle-p' => 'Nuet solament',
'exif-objectcycle-b' => 'Matin et nuet',
# Pseudotags used for GPSTrackRef, GPSImgDirectionRef and GPSDestBearingRef
'exif-gpsdirection-t' => 'Veré dirèccion',
'exif-gpsdirection-m' => 'Dirèccion magnètica',
'exif-ycbcrpositioning-1' => 'Centrâ',
'exif-ycbcrpositioning-2' => 'Co-situâ',
'exif-dc-contributor' => 'Contributors',
'exif-dc-coverage' => 'Portâ espaciâla ou ben temporèla du mèdia',
'exif-dc-date' => 'Dâta(/-es)',
'exif-dc-publisher' => 'Èditor',
'exif-dc-relation' => 'Mèdias liyês',
'exif-dc-rights' => 'Drêts',
'exif-dc-source' => 'Mèdia sôrsa',
'exif-dc-type' => 'Tipo de mèdia',
'exif-rating-rejected' => 'Refusâ',
'exif-isospeedratings-overflow' => 'Ples grant que 65535',
'exif-iimcategory-ace' => 'Ârts, cultura et amusament',
'exif-iimcategory-clj' => 'Crimo et drêt',
'exif-iimcategory-dis' => 'Catastrofes et accidents',
'exif-iimcategory-fin' => 'Èconomia et afâres',
'exif-iimcategory-edu' => 'Èducacion',
'exif-iimcategory-evn' => 'Enveronance',
'exif-iimcategory-hth' => 'Santât',
'exif-iimcategory-hum' => 'Entèrèt de l'homo',
'exif-iimcategory-lab' => 'Travâly',
'exif-iimcategory-lif' => 'Fôrma de via et pâssa-temps',
'exif-iimcategory-pol' => 'Politica',
'exif-iimcategory-rel' => 'Religion et creyences',
'exif-iimcategory-sci' => 'Science et tècnolog·ie',
'exif-iimcategory-soi' => 'Quèstions sociâles',
'exif-iimcategory-spo' => 'Sports',
'exif-iimcategory-war' => 'Guèrra, conflit et troblo',
'exif-iimcategory-wea' => 'Mètèô',
'exif-urgency-normal' => 'Normala ($1)',
'exif-urgency-low' => 'Fêbla ($1)',
'exif-urgency-high' => 'Hôta ($1)',
'exif-urgency-other' => 'Prioritât dèfenia per l'usanciér ($1)',
# External editor support
'edit-externally' => 'Changiér ceti fichiér en utilisent una aplicacion de defôr',
'edit-externally-help' => '(Vêde les [//www.mediawiki.org/wiki/Manual:External_editors enstruccions d'enstalacion] por més d'enformacions)',
# 'all' in various places, this might be different for inflected languages
'watchlistall2' => 'tot',
'namespacesall' => 'tôs',
'monthsall' => 'tôs',
'limitall' => 'tôs',
# Email address confirmation
'confirmemail' => 'Confirmar l'adrèce èlèctronica',
'confirmemail_noemail' => 'Vos éd pas dèfeni una adrèce èlèctronica valida dens voutres [[Special:Preferences|prèferences]].',
'confirmemail_text' => '{{SITENAME}} at fôta du contrôlo de voutra adrèce èlèctronica devant que povêr utilisar tota fonccion de mèssageria.
Utilisâd lo boton ce-desot por mandar un mèssâjo de confirmacion a voutra adrèce.
Lo mèssâjo encllurat un lim que contint un code a usâjo solèt et limitâ dens lo temps ;
chargiéd cél lim dens voutron navigator por confirmar que voutra adrèce èlèctronica est valida.',
'confirmemail_pending' => 'Un code de confirmacion vos at ja étâ mandâ per mèssageria èlèctronica ;
se vos vegnéd de fâre voutron compto, volyéd atendre doux-três menutes que lo mèssâjo arreve devant que demandar un code novél.',
'confirmemail_send' => 'Mandar un code de confirmacion',
'confirmemail_sent' => 'Mèssâjo de confirmacion mandâ.',
'confirmemail_oncreate' => 'Un code de confirmacion at étâ mandâ a voutra adrèce èlèctronica.
Cél code est pas nècèssèro por sè branchiér, mas vos lo devréd balyér por activar tota fonccionalitât liyê a la mèssageria èlèctronica sur ceti vouiqui.',
'confirmemail_sendfailed' => '{{SITENAME}} vos at pas possu mandar lo mèssâjo de confirmacion.
Volyéd controlar que voutra adrèce èlèctronica contint gins de caractèro dèfendu.
Lo programo d'èxpèdicion de mèssâjo at retornâ ceta endicacion : $1',
'confirmemail_invalid' => 'Code de confirmacion fôx.
Ceti at pôt-étre èxpirâ.',
'confirmemail_needlogin' => 'Vos vos dête $1 por confirmar voutra adrèce èlèctronica.',
'confirmemail_success' => 'Voutra adrèce èlèctronica at étâ confirmâ.
Ora, vos vos pouede [[Special:UserLogin|branchiér]] et profitar du vouiqui.',
'confirmemail_loggedin' => 'Ora, voutra adrèce èlèctronica est confirmâ.',
'confirmemail_error' => 'Un problèmo est arrevâ pendent l'encartâjo de voutra confirmacion.',
'confirmemail_subject' => 'Confirmacion d'adrèce èlèctronica por {{SITENAME}}',
'confirmemail_body' => 'Quârqu'un, probâblament vos, avouéc l'adrèce IP $1,
at encartâ un compto « $2 » avouéc cela adrèce èlèctronica dessus {{SITENAME}}.
Por confirmar que cél compto est franc a vos et por
activar les fonccions de mèssageria dessus {{SITENAME}},
volyéd uvrir ceti lim dens voutron navigator :
$3
Se vos éd *pas* encartâ lo compto, siude ceti lim
por anular la confirmacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica :
$5
Cél code de confirmacion èxpirerat lo $4.',
'confirmemail_body_changed' => 'Quârqu'un, probâblament vos, avouéc l'adrèce IP $1,
at changiê l'adrèce èlèctronica du compto « $2 » a cela adrèce dessus {{SITENAME}}.
Por confirmar que cél compto est franc a vos et por
reactivar les fonccions de mèssageria dessus {{SITENAME}},
volyéd uvrir ceti lim dens voutron navigator :
$3
Se lo compto est *pas* a vos, siude ceti lim
por anular la confirmacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica :
$5
Cél code de confirmacion èxpirerat lo $4.',
'confirmemail_body_set' => 'Quârqu'un, probâblament vos, avouéc l'adrèce IP $1,
at changiê l'adrèce èlèctronica du compto « $2 » a cela adrèce dessus {{SITENAME}}.
Por confirmar que cél compto est franc a vos et por
reactivar les fonccions de mèssageria dessus {{SITENAME}},
volyéd uvrir ceti lim dens voutron navigator :
$3
Se lo compto est *pas* a vos, siude ceti lim
por anular la confirmacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica :
$5
Cél code de confirmacion èxpirerat lo $4.',
'confirmemail_invalidated' => 'Confirmacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica anulâ',
'invalidateemail' => 'Anular la confirmacion de l'adrèce èlèctronica',
# Scary transclusion
'scarytranscludedisabled' => '[La transcllusion entèrvouiqui est dèsactivâ]',
'scarytranscludefailed' => '[La rècupèracion de modèlo at pas reussia por $1]',
'scarytranscludetoolong' => '[L'URL est trop longe]',
# Delete conflict
'deletedwhileediting' => "'''Atencion :''' ceta pâge at étâ suprimâ aprés que vos vos éte betâ a la changiér !",
'confirmrecreate' => "L'usanciér [[User:$1|$1]] ([[User talk:$1|Discussion]]) at suprimâ ceta pâge, pendent que vos vos érâd betâ a la changiér, por ceta rêson :
: ''$2''
Volyéd confirmar que vos voléd franc refâre cela pâge.",
'confirmrecreate-noreason' => 'L'usanciér [[User:$1|$1]] ([[User talk:$1|Discussion]]) at suprimâ ceta pâge, pendent que vos vos érâd betâ a la changiér. Volyéd confirmar que vos voléd franc refâre cela pâge.',
'recreate' => 'Refâre',
# action=purge
'confirm_purge_button' => 'Confirmar',
'confirm-purge-top' => 'Voléd-vos purgiér lo cache de ceta pâge ?',
'confirm-purge-bottom' => 'Purgiér una pâge èface lo cache et pués fôrce la dèrriére vèrsion a étre montrâ.',
# action=watch/unwatch
'confirm-watch-button' => 'D'acôrd',
'confirm-watch-top' => 'Apondre ceta pâge a voutra lista de survelyence ?',
'confirm-unwatch-button' => 'D'acôrd',
'confirm-unwatch-top' => 'Enlevar ceta pâge de voutra lista de survelyence ?',
# Separators for various lists, etc.
'semicolon-separator' => ' ; ',
'colon-separator' => ' : ',
'percent' => '$1 %',
# Multipage image navigation
'imgmultipageprev' => '← pâge devant',
'imgmultipagenext' => 'pâge aprés →',
'imgmultigo' => 'Listar !',
'imgmultigoto' => 'Alar a la pâge $1',
# Table pager
'ascending_abbrev' => 'que crêt',
'descending_abbrev' => 'que dècrêt',
'table_pager_next' => 'Pâge aprés',
'table_pager_prev' => 'Pâge devant',
'table_pager_first' => 'Premiére pâge',
'table_pager_last' => 'Dèrriére pâge',
'table_pager_limit' => 'Montrar $1 èlèment{{PLURAL:$1||s}} per pâge',
'table_pager_limit_label' => 'Rèsultats per pâge :',
'table_pager_limit_submit' => 'Listar',
'table_pager_empty' => 'Gins de rèsultat',
# Auto-summaries
'autosumm-blank' => 'Pâge blanchia',
'autosumm-replace' => 'Contegnu remplaciê per « $1 »',
'autoredircomment' => 'Pâge redirigiê vers [[$1]]',
'autosumm-new' => 'Pâge fêta avouéc « $1 »',
# Size units
'size-bytes' => '$1 o',
'size-kilobytes' => '$1 Kio',
'size-megabytes' => '$1 Mio',
'size-gigabytes' => '$1 Gio',
# Live preview
'livepreview-loading' => 'Chargement...',
'livepreview-ready' => 'Chargement... chavonâ !',
'livepreview-failed' => 'L'apèrçu vito fêt at pas reussi !
Èprovâd la prèvisualisacion normala.',
'livepreview-error' => 'Empossiblo de sè branchiér : $1 « $2 ».
Èprovâd la prèvisualisacion normala.',
# Friendlier slave lag warnings
'lag-warn-normal' => 'Los changements que dâtont de muens de $1 {{PLURAL:$1|seconda|secondes}} pôvont pas aparêtre dens ceta lista.',
'lag-warn-high' => 'En rêson d'un retârd important du sèrvor de bâsa de balyês, los changements que dâtont de muens de $1 {{PLURAL:$1|seconda|secondes}} pôvont pas aparêtre dens ceta lista.',
# Watchlist editor
'watchlistedit-numitems' => 'Voutra lista de survelyence contint {{PLURAL:$1|yon titro|$1 titros}}, sen comptar les pâges de discussion.',
'watchlistedit-noitems' => 'Voutra lista de survelyence contint gins de titro.',
'watchlistedit-normal-title' => 'Changiér la lista de survelyence',
'watchlistedit-normal-legend' => 'Enlevar des titros de la lista de survelyence',
'watchlistedit-normal-explain' => 'Los titros de voutra lista de survelyence sont montrâs ce-desot.
Por enlevar un titro (et sa pâge de discussion), pouentâd la câsa a coutâ et pués clicâd sur lo boton « {{int:Watchlistedit-normal-submit}} ».
Vos pouede asse-ben changiér la [[Special:EditWatchlist/raw|lista en fôrma bruta]].',
'watchlistedit-normal-submit' => 'Enlevar los titros',
'watchlistedit-normal-done' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Yon titro at étâ enlevâ|$1 titros ont étâ enlevâs}} de voutra lista de survelyence :',
'watchlistedit-raw-title' => 'Changiér la lista de survelyence en fôrma bruta',
'watchlistedit-raw-legend' => 'Changement de la lista de survelyence en fôrma bruta',
'watchlistedit-raw-explain' => 'Los titros de voutra lista de survelyence sont montrâs ce-desot et pôvont étre changiês en los apondent ou ben en los enlevent de la lista ;
yon titro per legne.
Quand vos éd feni, clicâd sur lo boton « {{int:Watchlistedit-raw-submit}} ».
Vos pouede asse-ben utilisar l'[[Special:EditWatchlist|èditor normal]].',
'watchlistedit-raw-titles' => 'Titros :',
'watchlistedit-raw-submit' => 'Betar a jorn la lista de survelyence',
'watchlistedit-raw-done' => 'Voutra lista de survelyence at étâ betâ a jorn.',
'watchlistedit-raw-added' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Yon titro at étâ apondu|$1 titros ont étâ apondus}} :',
'watchlistedit-raw-removed' => '{{PLURAL:$1|Yon titro at étâ enlevâ|$1 titros ont étâ enlevâs}} :',
# Watchlist editing tools
'watchlisttools-view' => 'Lista de survelyence',
'watchlisttools-edit' => 'Vêre et changiér la lista de survelyence',
'watchlisttools-raw' => 'Changiér la lista de survelyence en fôrma bruta',
# Iranian month names
'iranian-calendar-m1' => 'de farvardin',
'iranian-calendar-m2' => 'd'ordibehèch·ete',
'iranian-calendar-m3' => 'de c'hordâde',
'iranian-calendar-m4' => 'de tir',
'iranian-calendar-m5' => 'de mordâde',
'iranian-calendar-m6' => 'de ch·ahrivar',
'iranian-calendar-m7' => 'de mèhr',
'iranian-calendar-m8' => 'd'âbâne',
'iranian-calendar-m9' => 'd'âzar',
'iranian-calendar-m10' => 'de dê',
'iranian-calendar-m11' => 'de bahmane',
'iranian-calendar-m12' => 'd'èsfande',
# Hijri month names
'hijri-calendar-m1' => 'de mouharrame',
'hijri-calendar-m2' => 'de safar',
'hijri-calendar-m3' => 'de rabîʿ al-aval',
'hijri-calendar-m4' => 'de rabîʿ at-tânî',
'hijri-calendar-m5' => 'de j·oumâda al-oula',
'hijri-calendar-m6' => 'de j·oumâda at-tâniya',
'hijri-calendar-m7' => 'de raj·abe',
'hijri-calendar-m8' => 'de ch·aʿbâne',
'hijri-calendar-m9' => 'de ramadâne',
'hijri-calendar-m10' => 'de ch·avâl',
'hijri-calendar-m11' => 'de dou l-quaʿda',
'hijri-calendar-m12' => 'de dou l-hij·a',
# Hebrew month names
'hebrew-calendar-m1' => 'de tich·eri',
'hebrew-calendar-m2' => 'd'hèch·evane',
'hebrew-calendar-m3' => 'de quislèv',
'hebrew-calendar-m4' => 'de tevèt',
'hebrew-calendar-m5' => 'de ch·evat',
'hebrew-calendar-m6' => 'd'adar',
'hebrew-calendar-m6a' => 'd'adar-rich·one',
'hebrew-calendar-m6b' => 'd'adar-bèt',
'hebrew-calendar-m7' => 'de nissane',
'hebrew-calendar-m8' => 'd'iyar',
'hebrew-calendar-m9' => 'de sivane',
'hebrew-calendar-m10' => 'de tamouz',
'hebrew-calendar-m11' => 'd'av',
'hebrew-calendar-m12' => 'd'èloul',
'hebrew-calendar-m1-gen' => 'de tich·eri',
'hebrew-calendar-m2-gen' => 'd'hèch·evane',
'hebrew-calendar-m3-gen' => 'de quislèv',
'hebrew-calendar-m4-gen' => 'de tevèt',
'hebrew-calendar-m5-gen' => 'de ch·evat',
'hebrew-calendar-m6-gen' => 'd'adar',
'hebrew-calendar-m6a-gen' => 'd'adar-rich·one',
'hebrew-calendar-m6b-gen' => 'd'adar-bèt',
'hebrew-calendar-m7-gen' => 'de nissane',
'hebrew-calendar-m8-gen' => 'd'iyar',
'hebrew-calendar-m9-gen' => 'de sivane',
'hebrew-calendar-m10-gen' => 'de tamouz',
'hebrew-calendar-m11-gen' => 'd'av',
'hebrew-calendar-m12-gen' => 'd'èloul',
# Signatures
'signature' => '[[{{ns:user}}:$1|$2]] ([[{{ns:user_talk}}:$1|discutar]])',
# Core parser functions
'unknown_extension_tag' => 'Balisa d'èxtension « $1 » encognua',
'duplicate-defaultsort' => "'''Atencion :''' la cllâf de tri per dèfôt « $2 » ècllafe cela « $1 ».",
# Special:Version
'version' => 'Vèrsion',
'version-extensions' => 'Èxtensions enstalâs',
'version-specialpages' => 'Pâges spèciâles',
'version-parserhooks' => 'Grèfons du parsor',
'version-variables' => 'Variâbles',
'version-antispam' => 'Prèvencion du spame',
'version-skins' => 'Habelyâjos',
'version-other' => 'De totes sôrtes',
'version-mediahandlers' => 'Maneyors de mèdia',
'version-hooks' => 'Grèfons',
'version-parser-extensiontags' => 'Balises d'èxtension du parsor',
'version-parser-function-hooks' => 'Grèfons de les fonccions du parsor',
'version-hook-name' => 'Nom du grèfon',
'version-hook-subscribedby' => 'Soscrit per',
'version-version' => '(Vèrsion $1)',
'version-svn-revision' => '(v$2)',
'version-license' => 'Licence',
'version-poweredby-credits' => "Ceti vouiqui fonccione grâce a '''[//www.mediawiki.org/ MediaWiki]''', copyright © 2001-$1 $2.",
'version-poweredby-others' => 'ôtros',
'version-license-info' => 'MediaWiki est una programeria libra ; vos la pouede tornar distribuar et / ou changiér d'aprés los tèrmos de la Licence publica g·ènèrala GNU coment publeyê per la Free Software Foundation ; seye la vèrsion 2 de la Licence, ou ben (a voutron chouèx) tota novèla vèrsion.
MediaWiki est distribuâ dens l'èsperance que serat utila, mas SEN GINS DE GARANTIA ; sen mémo la garantia emplicita de COMÈRCIALISACION ou ben d'ADAPTACION A UN USÂJO PARTICULIÉR. Vêde la Licence publica g·ènèrala GNU por més de dètalys.
Vos devriâd avêr reçu un [{{SERVER}}{{SCRIPTPATH}}/COPYING ègzemplèro de la Licence publica g·ènèrala GNU] avouéc ceti programo ; ôtrament, ècrîde a la « Free Software Foundation, Inc., 51 Franklin Street, Fifth Floor, Boston, MA 02110-1301, USA » ou ben [//www.gnu.org/licenses/old-licenses/gpl-2.0.html liéséd-la en legne].',
'version-software' => 'Programeries enstalâs',
'version-software-product' => 'Marchandie',
'version-software-version' => 'Vèrsion',
'version-entrypoints' => 'URL de pouent d'entrâ',
'version-entrypoints-header-entrypoint' => 'Pouent d'entrâ',
'version-entrypoints-header-url' => 'URL',
# Special:FileDuplicateSearch
'fileduplicatesearch' => 'Rechèrche des fichiérs en doblo',
'fileduplicatesearch-summary' => 'Rechèrche des fichiérs en doblo d'aprés lor mârca de chaplâjo.',
'fileduplicatesearch-legend' => 'Rechèrche d'un doblo',
'fileduplicatesearch-filename' => 'Nom du fichiér :',
'fileduplicatesearch-submit' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'fileduplicatesearch-info' => '$1 × $2 pixèls<br />Talye du fichiér : $3<br />Tipo MIME : $4',
'fileduplicatesearch-result-1' => 'Lo fichiér « $1 » at gins de doblo pariér.',
'fileduplicatesearch-result-n' => 'Lo fichiér « $1 » at $2 {{PLURAL:$2|doblo pariér|doblos pariérs}}.',
'fileduplicatesearch-noresults' => 'Nion fichiér apelâ « $1 » at étâ trovâ.',
# Special:SpecialPages
'specialpages' => 'Pâges spèciâles',
'specialpages-note' => '----
* Pâges spèciâles normales.
* <span class="mw-specialpagerestricted">Pâges spèciâles rètrentes.</span>
* <span class="mw-specialpagecached">Pâges spèciâles solament en cache (porriant étre dèpassâs).</span>',
'specialpages-group-maintenance' => 'Rapôrts de mantegnence',
'specialpages-group-other' => 'Ôtres pâges spèciâles',
'specialpages-group-login' => 'Sè branchiér / fâre un compto',
'specialpages-group-changes' => 'Dèrriérs changements et jornals',
'specialpages-group-media' => 'Rapôrts et tèlèchargements de fichiérs mèdia',
'specialpages-group-users' => 'Usanciérs et drêts apondus',
'specialpages-group-highuse' => 'Pâges d'usâjo important',
'specialpages-group-pages' => 'Listes de pâges',
'specialpages-group-pagetools' => 'Outils por les pâges',
'specialpages-group-wiki' => 'Balyês du vouiqui et outils',
'specialpages-group-redirects' => 'Pâges spèciâles redirigiês',
'specialpages-group-spam' => 'Outils anti-spame',
# Special:BlankPage
'blankpage' => 'Pâge voueda',
'intentionallyblankpage' => 'Ceta pâge est lèssiê èxprès voueda.',
# External image whitelist
'external_image_whitelist' => ' #Lèssiéd ceta legne justo d'ense.<pre>
#Endicâd los bocons d'èxprèssions racionèles (solament la partia endicâ entre-mié los //) ce-desot.
#Corrèspondront avouéc los lims hipèrtèxtos de les émâges (ben liyês) de defôr.
#Celos que corrèspondont sè montreront coment des émâges, ôtrament solament un lim de vers l'émâge serat montrâ.
#Les legnes que començont per un # seront considèrâs coment des comentèros.
#Ceta lista est pas sensibla a la câssa.
#Betâd tôs los bocons d'èxprèssions racionèles (*RegEx*) en-dessus de ceta legne. Lèssiéd ceta legne justo d'ense.</pre>',
# Special:Tags
'tags' => 'Balises des changements valides',
'tag-filter' => 'Filtrar les [[Special:Tags|balises]] :',
'tag-filter-submit' => 'Filtrar',
'tags-title' => 'Balises',
'tags-intro' => 'Ceta pâge liste les balises que la programeria pôt utilisar por marcar un changement et lor significacion.',
'tags-tag' => 'Nom de la balisa',
'tags-display-header' => 'Aparence dens les listes de changements',
'tags-description-header' => 'Dèscripcion complèta de la balisa',
'tags-hitcount-header' => 'Changements balisâs',
'tags-edit' => 'changiér',
'tags-hitcount' => '$1 changement{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
# Special:ComparePages
'comparepages' => 'Comparar des pâges',
'compare-selector' => 'Comparar les vèrsions de les pâges',
'compare-page1' => 'Pâge 1',
'compare-page2' => 'Pâge 2',
'compare-rev1' => 'Vèrsion 1',
'compare-rev2' => 'Vèrsion 2',
'compare-submit' => 'Comparar',
'compare-invalid-title' => 'Lo titro que vos éd spècifiâ est envalido.',
'compare-title-not-exists' => 'Lo titro que vos éd spècefiâ ègziste pas.',
'compare-revision-not-exists' => 'La vèrsion que vos éd spècefiâ ègziste pas.',
# Database error messages
'dberr-header' => 'Ceti vouiqui at un problèmo',
'dberr-problems' => 'Dèsolâ ! Ceti seto rencontre des dificultâts tècniques.',
'dberr-again' => 'Tâchiéd d'atendre doux-três menutes et pués rechargiéd.',
'dberr-info' => '(Branchement u sèrvor de bâsa de balyês empossiblo : $1)',
'dberr-usegoogle' => 'Vos pouede tâchiér de chèrchiér avouéc Google pendent cél temps.',
'dberr-outofdate' => 'Notâd que lors endèxes de noutron contegnu pôvont étre dèpassâs.',
'dberr-cachederror' => 'O est una copia cachiê de la pâge demandâ et pôt étre dèpassâ.',
# HTML forms
'htmlform-invalid-input' => 'Des problèmos sont arrevâs avouéc quârques valors',
'htmlform-select-badoption' => 'La valor que vos éd spècefiâ est pas un chouèx valido.',
'htmlform-int-invalid' => 'La valor que vos éd spècefiâ est pas un entiér.',
'htmlform-float-invalid' => 'La valor que vos éd spècefiâ est pas un nombro.',
'htmlform-int-toolow' => 'La valor que vos éd spècefiâ est en-desot du muens de $1',
'htmlform-int-toohigh' => 'La valor que vos éd spècefiâ est en-dessus du més de $1',
'htmlform-required' => 'Ceta valor est nècèssèra',
'htmlform-submit' => 'Sometre',
'htmlform-reset' => 'Dèfâre los changements',
'htmlform-selectorother-other' => 'Ôtro',
# SQLite database support
'sqlite-has-fts' => '$1 avouéc rechèrche en tèxto complèt recognua',
'sqlite-no-fts' => '$1 sen rechèrche en tèxto complèt recognua',
# New logging system
'logentry-delete-delete' => '$1 at suprimâ la pâge $3',
'logentry-delete-restore' => '$1 at refêt la pâge $3',
'logentry-delete-event' => '$1 at changiê la visibilitât {{PLURAL:$5|d'un èvènement|de $5 èvènements}} du jornal dessus $3 : $4',
'logentry-delete-revision' => '$1 at changiê la visibilitât {{PLURAL:$5|d'una vèrsion|de $5 vèrsions}} sur la pâge $3 : $4',
'logentry-delete-event-legacy' => '$1 at changiê la visibilitât des èvènements du jornal dessus $3',
'logentry-delete-revision-legacy' => '$1 at changiê la visibilitât de les vèrsions sur la pâge $3',
'logentry-suppress-delete' => '$1 at suprimâ la pâge $3',
'logentry-suppress-event' => '$1 at changiê a cachon la visibilitât {{PLURAL:$5|d'un èvènement|de $5 èvènements}} du jornal dessus $3 : $4',
'logentry-suppress-revision' => '$1 at changiê a cachon la visibilitât {{PLURAL:$5|d'una vèrsion|de $5 vèrsions}} sur la pâge $3 : $4',
'logentry-suppress-event-legacy' => '$1 at changiê a cachon la visibilitât des èvènements du jornal dessus $3',
'logentry-suppress-revision-legacy' => '$1 at changiê a cachon la visibilitât de les vèrsions sur la pâge $3',
'revdelete-content-hid' => 'contegnu cachiê',
'revdelete-summary-hid' => 'rèsumâ de changement cachiê',
'revdelete-uname-hid' => 'nom d'usanciér cachiê',
'revdelete-content-unhid' => 'contegnu pas més cachiê',
'revdelete-summary-unhid' => 'rèsumâ de changement pas més cachiê',
'revdelete-uname-unhid' => 'nom d'usanciér pas més cachiê',
'revdelete-restricted' => 'at aplicâ les rèstriccions ux administrators',
'revdelete-unrestricted' => 'rèstriccions enlevâs por los administrators',
'logentry-move-move' => '$1 at dèplaciê la pâge $3 vers $4',
'logentry-move-move-noredirect' => '$1 at dèplaciê la pâge $3 vers $4 sen lèssiér una redirèccion',
'logentry-move-move_redir' => '$1 at dèplaciê la pâge $3 vers $4 en ècrasent sa redirèccion',
'logentry-move-move_redir-noredirect' => '$1 at dèplaciê la pâge $3 vers $4 en ècrasent sa redirèccion sen lèssiér una redirèccion',
'logentry-patrol-patrol' => '$1 at marcâ la vèrsion $4 de la pâge $3 coment controlâye',
'logentry-patrol-patrol-auto' => '$1 at marcâ ôtomaticament la vèrsion $4 de la pâge $3 coment controlâye',
'logentry-newusers-newusers' => 'Lo compto utilisator $1 est étâ fêt',
'logentry-newusers-create' => 'Lo compto utilisator $1 est étâ fêt',
'logentry-newusers-create2' => 'Lo compto utilisator $3 est étâ fêt per $1',
'logentry-newusers-autocreate' => 'Lo compto $1 at étâ fêt ôtomaticament',
'logentry-rights-rights' => '$1 at changiê l'apartegnence a la tropa por « $3 » de $4 a $5',
'logentry-rights-rights-legacy' => '$1 at changiê l'apartegnence a la tropa por « $3 »',
'logentry-rights-autopromote' => '$1 est étâ nomâ ôtomaticament de $4 a $5',
'rightsnone' => '(nion)',
# Feedback
'feedback-bugornote' => 'Se vos éte prèst a dècrire un problèmo tècnico en dètaly, volyéd [$1 signalar una cofierie].
Ôtrament, vos pouede utilisar lo formulèro simplifiâ ce-desot. Voutron comentèro serat apondu a la pâge « [$3 $2] », avouéc voutron nom d'usanciér et lo navigator que vos utilisâd.',
'feedback-subject' => 'Sujèt :',
'feedback-message' => 'Mèssâjo :',
'feedback-cancel' => 'Anular',
'feedback-submit' => 'Mandar voutron avis',
'feedback-adding' => 'Aponsa de voutros avis a la pâge...',
'feedback-error1' => 'Èrror : rèsultat de l'API pas recognu',
'feedback-error2' => 'Èrror : lo changement at pas reussi',
'feedback-error3' => 'Èrror : gins de rèponsa de l'API',
'feedback-thanks' => 'Grant-marci ! Voutron avis at étâ postâ sur la pâge « [$2 $1] ».',
'feedback-close' => 'Fêt',
'feedback-bugcheck' => 'Formidâblo ! Controlâd simplament qu'o est pas yona de les [$1 cofieries ja cognues].',
'feedback-bugnew' => 'J'é controlâ. Signalar una cofierie novèla',
# Search suggestions
'searchsuggest-search' => 'Rechèrchiér',
'searchsuggest-containing' => 'que contint...',
# API errors
'api-error-badaccess-groups' => 'Vos éte pas ôtorisâ a tèlèchargiér des fichiérs sur ceti vouiqui.',
'api-error-badtoken' => 'Èrror de dedens : crouyo « jeton ».',
'api-error-copyuploaddisabled' => 'Los tèlèchargements per URL sont dèsactivâs sur cél sèrvor.',
'api-error-duplicate' => 'Y at {{PLURAL:$1|[$2 un ôtro fichiér]|[$2 d'ôtros fichiérs]}} ja sur lo seto avouéc lo mémo contegnu.',
'api-error-duplicate-archive' => 'Y avéve {{PLURAL:$1|[$2 un ôtro fichiér]|[$2 d'ôtros fichiérs]}} ja sur lo seto avouéc lo mémo contegnu, mas {{PLURAL:$1|il at étâ suprimâ|ils ont étâ suprimâs}}.',
'api-error-duplicate-archive-popup-title' => 'Duplicar {{PLURAL:$1|lo fichiér|los fichiérs}} qu'{{PLURAL:$1|at ja étâ suprimâ|ont ja étâ suprimâs}}',
'api-error-duplicate-popup-title' => 'Fichiér{{PLURAL:$1||s}} en doblo',
'api-error-empty-file' => 'Lo fichiér que vos éd somês ére vouedo.',
'api-error-emptypage' => 'La crèacion de pâges novèles vouedes est pas ôtorisâ.',
'api-error-fetchfileerror' => 'Èrror de dedens : quârque-ren s'est mâl passâ pendent la rècupèracion du fichiér.',
'api-error-file-too-large' => 'Lo fichiér que vos éd somês ére trop grant.',
'api-error-filename-tooshort' => 'Lo nom du fichiér est trop côrt.',
'api-error-filetype-banned' => 'Cél tipo de fichiér est dèfendu.',
'api-error-filetype-banned-type' => '$1 {{PLURAL:$4|est pas un tipo de fichiér ôtorisâ|sont pas des tipos de fichiérs ôtorisâs}}. {{PLURAL:$3|Lo tipo de fichiér ôtorisâ est|Los tipos de fichiérs ôtorisâs sont}} $2.',
'api-error-filetype-missing' => 'L'èxtension du fichiér est manquenta.',
'api-error-hookaborted' => 'Lo changement que vos éd tâchiê de fâre est étâ anulâ per n'èxtension.',
'api-error-http' => 'Èrror de dedens : sè pôt pas branchiér u sèrvor.',
'api-error-illegal-filename' => 'Lo nom du fichiér est pas ôtorisâ.',
'api-error-internal-error' => 'Èrror de dedens : quârque-ren s'est mâl passâ pendent lo trètament de voutron tèlèchargement sur lo vouiqui.',
'api-error-invalid-file-key' => 'Èrror de dedens : gins de fichiér trovâ dens lo stocâjo temporèro.',
'api-error-missingparam' => 'Èrror de dedens : manque des paramètres dens la requéta.',
'api-error-missingresult' => 'Èrror de dedens : nos ens pas possu dètèrmenar se la copia avéve reussia.',
'api-error-mustbeloggedin' => 'Vos dête étre branchiê por tèlèchargiér des fichiérs.',
'api-error-mustbeposted' => 'Èrror de dedens : la requéta at fôta d'HTTP POST.',
'api-error-noimageinfo' => 'Lo tèlèchargement at reussi, mas lo sèrvor at pas balyê d'enformacions sur lo fichiér.',
'api-error-nomodule' => 'Èrror de dedens : gins de modulo de tèlèchargement dèfeni.',
'api-error-ok-but-empty' => 'Èrror de dedens : lo sèrvor at pas rèpondu.',
'api-error-overwrite' => 'Ècllafar un fichiér ègzistent est pas ôtorisâ.',
'api-error-stashfailed' => 'Èrror de dedens : lo sèrvor at pas possu encartar lo fichiér temporèro.',
'api-error-timeout' => 'Lo sèrvor at pas rèpondu dens lo dèlê atendu.',
'api-error-unclassified' => 'Una èrror encognua est arrevâ',
'api-error-unknown-code' => 'Èrror encognua : « $1 ».',
'api-error-unknown-error' => 'Èrror de dedens : quârque-ren s'est mâl passâ pendent lo tèlèchargement de voutron fichiér.',
'api-error-unknown-warning' => 'Avèrtissement encognu : $1',
'api-error-unknownerror' => 'Èrror encognua : « $1 ».',
'api-error-uploaddisabled' => 'Lo tèlèchargement est dèsactivâ sur ceti vouiqui.',
'api-error-verification-error' => 'Cél fichiér pôt étre corrompu, ou ben son èxtension est fôssa.',
# Durations
'duration-seconds' => '$1 second{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'duration-minutes' => '$1 menut{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'duration-hours' => '$1 hor{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'duration-days' => '$1 jorn{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'duration-weeks' => '$1 seman{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'duration-years' => '$1 an{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'duration-decades' => '$1 dècèni{{PLURAL:$1|a|es}}',
'duration-centuries' => '$1 sièclo{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
'duration-millennia' => '$1 milènèro{{PLURAL:$1||s}}',
);
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 592 |
package gov.nasa.worldwindx.examples.util;
import gov.nasa.worldwind.event.*;
import gov.nasa.worldwind.geom.Position;
import gov.nasa.worldwind.render.*;
import gov.nasa.worldwind.util.*;
import javax.media.opengl.*;
/**
* @author dcollins
* @version $Id: ButtonAnnotation.java 1171 2013-02-11 21:45:02Z dcollins $
*/
public class ButtonAnnotation extends ImageAnnotation implements SelectListener
{
protected boolean enabled;
protected boolean pressed;
protected String actionCommand;
protected double disabledOpacity;
protected WWTexture pressedMaskTexture;
// Event listeners.
protected javax.swing.event.EventListenerList listenerList = new javax.swing.event.EventListenerList();
public ButtonAnnotation(Object imageSource, Object pressedMaskSource)
{
super(imageSource);
this.setEnableSmoothing(false);
this.setUseMipmaps(false);
this.enabled = true;
this.disabledOpacity = 0.6;
this.setPressedMaskSource(pressedMaskSource);
}
public ButtonAnnotation(Object imageSource)
{
this(imageSource, null);
}
public ButtonAnnotation()
{
this(null);
}
public boolean isEnabled()
{
return this.enabled;
}
public void setEnabled(boolean enabled)
{
this.enabled = enabled;
}
public boolean isPressed()
{
return this.pressed;
}
public void setPressed(boolean pressed)
{
this.pressed = pressed;
}
public String getActionCommand()
{
return this.actionCommand;
}
public void setActionCommand(String actionCommand)
{
this.actionCommand = actionCommand;
}
public double getDisabledOpacity()
{
return this.disabledOpacity;
}
public void setDisabledOpacity(double opacity)
{
if (opacity < 0 || opacity > 1)
{
String message = Logging.getMessage("generic.ArgumentOutOfRange", "opacity < 0 or opacity > 1");
Logging.logger().severe(message);
throw new IllegalArgumentException(message);
}
this.disabledOpacity = opacity;
}
public Object getPressedMaskSource()
{
return (this.pressedMaskTexture != null) ? this.pressedMaskTexture.getImageSource() : null;
}
public void setPressedMaskSource(Object source)
{
this.pressedMaskTexture = null;
if (source != null)
{
this.pressedMaskTexture = new BasicWWTexture(source, false);
}
}
public WWTexture getPressedMaskTexture()
{
return this.pressedMaskTexture;
}
public java.awt.event.ActionListener[] getActionListeners()
{
return this.listenerList.getListeners(java.awt.event.ActionListener.class);
}
public void addActionListener(java.awt.event.ActionListener listener)
{
this.listenerList.add(java.awt.event.ActionListener.class, listener);
}
public void removeActionListener(java.awt.event.ActionListener listener)
{
this.listenerList.remove(java.awt.event.ActionListener.class, listener);
}
protected void setupAnnotationAttributes(Annotation annotation)
{
super.setupAnnotationAttributes(annotation);
annotation.setPickEnabled(true);
}
//**************************************************************//
//******************** Select Listener ***********************//
//**************************************************************//
@SuppressWarnings({"StringEquality"})
public void selected(SelectEvent e)
{
if (e == null)
return;
// Ignore hover and rollover events. We're only interested in mouse pressed and mouse clicked events.
if (e.getEventAction() == SelectEvent.HOVER || e.getEventAction() == SelectEvent.ROLLOVER)
return;
if (!this.isEnabled())
return;
Object topObject = e.getTopObject();
if (topObject == this)
{
this.setPressed(this.isButtonPressed(e));
if (this.isButtonTrigger(e))
{
this.onButtonPressed(e);
}
}
}
@SuppressWarnings({"StringEquality"})
protected boolean isButtonPressed(SelectEvent e)
{
return e.getEventAction() == SelectEvent.LEFT_PRESS;
}
@SuppressWarnings({"StringEquality"})
protected boolean isButtonTrigger(SelectEvent e)
{
return e.getEventAction() == SelectEvent.LEFT_CLICK;
}
protected void onButtonPressed(SelectEvent e)
{
java.awt.event.MouseEvent mouseEvent = e.getMouseEvent();
this.fireActionPerformed(mouseEvent.getID(), mouseEvent.getWhen(), mouseEvent.getModifiers());
}
//**************************************************************//
//******************** Action Listener ***********************//
//**************************************************************//
protected void fireActionPerformed(int id, long when, int modifiers)
{
java.awt.event.ActionEvent event = null;
// Guaranteed to return a non-null array
Object[] listeners = this.listenerList.getListenerList();
// Process the listeners last to first, notifying
// those that are interested in this event
for (int i = listeners.length - 2; i >= 0; i -= 2)
{
if (listeners[i] == java.awt.event.ActionListener.class)
{
// Lazily create the event:
if (event == null)
{
event = new java.awt.event.ActionEvent(this, id, this.getActionCommand(), when, modifiers);
}
((java.awt.event.ActionListener) listeners[i + 1]).actionPerformed(event);
}
}
}
//**************************************************************//
//******************** Rendering *****************************//
//**************************************************************//
public void drawContent(DrawContext dc, int width, int height, double opacity, Position pickPosition)
{
if (!this.isEnabled())
{
opacity *= this.getDisabledOpacity();
}
super.drawContent(dc, width, height, opacity, pickPosition);
this.drawPressedMask(dc, width, height, opacity, pickPosition);
}
protected void drawPressedMask(DrawContext dc, int width, int height, double opacity, Position pickPosition)
{
if (dc.isPickingMode())
return;
if (!this.isPressed())
return;
this.doDrawPressedMask(dc, width, height, opacity, pickPosition);
}
protected void applyBackgroundTextureState(DrawContext dc, int width, int height, double opacity, WWTexture texture)
{
super.applyBackgroundTextureState(dc, width, height, opacity, texture);
// Setup the mask to modulate with the existing fragment color. This will have the effect of multiplying
// the button depressed mask colors with the button colors.
if (this.getPressedMaskTexture() == texture)
{
GL2 gl = dc.getGL().getGL2(); // GL initialization checks for GL2 compatibility.
gl.glEnable(GL.GL_BLEND);
gl.glBlendFunc(GL.GL_ZERO, GL.GL_SRC_COLOR);
gl.glColor4f(1f, 1f, 1f, 1f);
}
}
@SuppressWarnings({"UnusedDeclaration"})
protected void doDrawPressedMask(DrawContext dc, int width, int height, double opacity, Position pickPosition)
{
WWTexture texture = this.getPressedMaskTexture();
if (texture == null)
return;
// Push state for blend enable, blending function, and current color. We set these OGL states in
// applyBackgroundTextureState(), which is invoked by doDrawBackgroundTexture().
GL2 gl = dc.getGL().getGL2(); // GL initialization checks for GL2 compatibility.
OGLStackHandler ogsh = new OGLStackHandler();
ogsh.pushAttrib(gl, GL2.GL_COLOR_BUFFER_BIT | GL2.GL_CURRENT_BIT);
try
{
this.doDrawBackgroundTexture(dc, width, height, 1, pickPosition, texture);
}
finally
{
ogsh.pop(gl);
}
}
}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 7,974 |
# MY LIFE IN FOOTBALL
First published in Great Britain by Simon & Schuster UK Ltd, 2014
A CBS COMPANY
Copyright © Sir Trevor Brooking, 2014
This book is copyright under the Berne Convention.
No reproduction without permission.
All rights reserved.
The right of Sir Trevor Brooking to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act, 1988.
Simon & Schuster UK Ltd
222 Gray's Inn Road
London
WC1X 8HB
www.simonandschuster.co.uk
Simon & Schuster Australia, Sydney
Simon & Schuster India, New Delhi
Every reasonable effort has been made to contact copyright holders of material reproduced in this book. If any have inadvertently been overlooked, the publishers would be glad to hear from them and make good in future editions any errors or omissions brought to their attention.
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN: 978-1-47113-044-1
Ebook ISBN: 978-1-47113-046-5
Typeset in the UK by M Rules
Printed and bound by CPI Group (UK) Ltd, Croydon, CR0 4YY
To Mum and Dad. who believed in me.
And to Ron Greenwood and John Lyall, who encouraged me to believe in myself.
#### CONTENTS
1. Why I joined the FA
2. 'Please, sir, can I take it?'
3. Those Boleyn Boys
4. The turning point
5. Good times
6. Nightmare in Newport, Mayhem in Mansfield!
7. England expects
8. The Don
9. 'Can you hear me, Maggie Thatcher?'
10. España '82
11. Farewell to Upton Park
12. Hounds and clowns of the seventies
13. Who'd be a football manager?
14. The boss: part one
15. The boss: part two
16. Olympic 'gains'
17. 'My good friend Trevor Brookling!'
18. Battered in Brazil
Career statistics
Acknowledgements
Index
List of Illustrations
#### CHAPTER 1
#### WHY I JOINED THE FA
I WAS WONDERING WHAT to do with the rest of my life when the Football Association called me at home one morning in the autumn of 2003. It was a few weeks after my 55th birthday. Alan Pardew had just taken over as manager of West Ham so my caretaker role there had finished. My Sport England commitment was over and although I had a small book-binding business, Colbrook, it ran very successfully without my presence every day. I remained a non-executive director at West Ham but, in truth, that wasn't going to occupy a great deal of my time. 'What are you actually going to do with yourself?' asked David Davies, the FA's executive director.
He told me they were thinking of creating a new position at the FA. They thought that I had the kind of experience that made me an ideal candidate for the job. Apart from my football background, I'd had more than ten years as chairman of the Eastern Region of the Sports Council and a further four years as chairman of Sport England – jobs that gave me a deep insight into the worlds of sports politics, administration and the development of young talent.
This wide range of experience clearly appealed to Mark Palios, the new FA chief executive. 'Mark asked me to call,' David told me on the phone that day. 'He'd like to meet you.' So a few days later I met David Davies and Mark Palios in the quiet conference room of a west London hotel. I'd known David for some years. Sir Bert Millichip, the former FA chairman, had lured him to the FA to oversee media matters. As a former BBC TV correspondent he had a lot of media experience and my own role at the BBC meant I had regular contact with him when England were on the road. The BBC were one of the few organisations usually given access to the England team hotel at home and abroad.
Although I knew Mark Palios had enjoyed a long playing career at Tranmere Rovers and Crewe Alexandra I couldn't remember ever meeting him. His appointment at the FA had been warmly received by most because, since his playing days, he had established himself in the world of finance and, at that time, his kind of expertise was desperately needed in the FA offices in Soho Square. I liked Mark from our first meeting. We got on well. He asked if I could remember when we had played against each other in the seventies. I couldn't. 'Obviously I didn't make much of an impression on you,' he smiled.
He was right, though; we _had_ played against each other. In September 1974 West Ham were lucky to survive a League Cup visit to Tranmere. Mark played in their midfield. The game ended goalless thanks largely to the heroics of the young West Ham goalkeeper Mervyn Day. In the replay a week later Mark again wore the number eight shirt in a Tranmere team that included a tricky 19-year-old winger called Steve Coppell. This time West Ham won 6-0 at Upton Park – Bobby Gould scoring a hat-trick – but eventually succumbed to an all-too-familiar defeat at Craven Cottage in the next round. I scored that night but Bobby Moore had the pleasure of leading Fulham to a 2-1 victory, interrupted by a floodlight failure, against his old team-mates.
It was obvious from the outset that if I accepted the FA's offer I would have to get along with Mark. We would need to have a sound working relationship. Although the job title was undecided, they wanted someone to oversee the development of the game from grass-roots level upwards. I was to be given total control of coaching and development at all levels of the game. I would be responsible for putting a coaching structure in place and I would also have a role in identifying future England managers and the development teams below that.
Mark explained that he was looking for someone with a credible reputation in football to work across the board. The 'credibility' factor was important to him because he thought it might be difficult for him to get too deeply involved in some of the issues occupying the senior international team at that time. One of the most contentious episodes that autumn involved Rio Ferdinand. Mark hadn't been in the job long when Rio failed to take a scheduled drugs test. Rio was the world's most expensive defender and his profile with Manchester United and England meant that he was a role model for many children.
Rio said that he had simply forgotten about the drugs test and left United's Carrington training ground that day to go shopping. It was a big story that season, and in the days immediately before England's European Championship qualifier in Turkey there was speculation that David Beckham and the team might actually go on strike in support of Rio! Mark had made it clear when he took the job that he cherished honesty, sportsmanship and high standards of discipline and behaviour, so the Ferdinand case inevitably became one of the first big tests of his leadership.
The FA appointed an independent tribunal that found Rio guilty of misconduct, banned him for eight months and fined him £50,000. Manchester United appealed on Rio's behalf, describing the sentence as 'savage and unprecedented', but the punishment was upheld. The decision generated a lot of ill feeling among senior players, particularly Rio's United team-mates in the England squad. Rio would not appear in the England team again until October 2004.
Mark knew that the fallout from this episode might make some elements of his role difficult, especially those directly involving the players, and he wanted me to be involved with the national teams. He wanted to focus on the financial side of an organisation that clearly required his specialist skills in budget restructuring. He also wanted to raise the stature of the governing body and improve the infrastructure and leadership team at Soho Square. From the football point of view, he wanted me to look at the technical side. Were we doing it right? Could we do it better? Les Reed, an ex-professional with extensive coaching experience, had been acting technical director since the departure of Howard Wilkinson. Mark wanted someone with a wider brief to take an overview of the game from the elite level down to the grass roots.
We knew that my lack of up-to-date coaching qualifications might become an issue. I had taken the FA coaching badges as a player at West Ham years before but these had now been superseded by the UEFA licensing system. Sure enough, the fact that I didn't have modern qualifications was quickly pounced upon by one or two mischievous individuals in the professional game when the FA announced my appointment. My proposed role didn't actually involve any coaching – either of players or coaches. But some argued that I might have influence over who would be appointed to these roles in the future. So, in a sense, it was rather like a director of football role at a big club. If you're the director of a club you don't have to be a holder of the full pro licence to appoint a coach, do you? The important thing, surely, was to get in the right people to deliver the right coaching philosophy.
The prospect, as presented by the FA, excited me. It was an interesting challenge and, of course, very flattering to be offered such an opportunity. When I went home that evening I outlined the plans to my wife Hilkka. A few weeks earlier we had been talking about the prospect of my taking the West Ham management job for the season. She thought it would be very stressful. I wasn't too worried about the pressures on me, but I suspected that it would be stressful for the family. When I finished with Sport England at the end of 2002, Hilkka asked me what I was planning to do with my time. 'I don't want you under my feet all day,' she said. 'Why don't you go and get a proper job?'
It became a source of amusement to us. I had time on my hands, more than at any other stage in my career. I was getting my golf handicap down but, apart from two spells as caretaker manager at West Ham, there had been little to occupy me on a daily basis. The FA job meant going from one extreme to the other. If I accepted I would be based in an office in Soho, central London. I would be expected at my desk most days by around 9am. If I took the job I would become a commuter for the first time in my life.
I still had eight months of my broadcasting contract with the BBC to run and although I hadn't discussed this with the FA I knew it would become an issue. I could hardly be on the FA payroll and sit in a BBC commentary position saying of the England manager: 'Sorry, Sven, but I think you've got this one wrong.' I couldn't offer an impartial assessment if I was on the staff at the FA. People would wonder whether I was voicing a personal opinion or whether my view was perhaps based on inside knowledge or some recent private conversation with the manager.
The other issue I had to address involved my directorship at West Ham. Although at the time the FA had many committeemen involved with clubs – David Dein at Arsenal and Noel White at Liverpool were just two examples – none of those individuals was on the full-time staff at the FA. There could be no conflict of interests, so I knew that my commitments to West Ham and the BBC would both have to be terminated. I talked all this over with my wife and our children, Collette and Warren. The kids felt that it was a fantastic compliment. 'Dad, it's a chance to make an impact, to put something back into the game and leave a legacy,' they said. 'You can't say no.'
Put like that, how could I turn it down? I had a second meeting with the FA, this time at the offices in Soho Square. We discussed details like the contract and my starting date. They had to put this new development in front of the appropriate FA committee for ratification and I suspected that, within a short time of doing this, news would leak out. I wanted to inform the BBC and West Ham of my intentions before this happened.
There was no real agonising over the decision for me. The FA was offering something entirely new. I wanted the challenge the job offered. Yes, I'd always enjoyed broadcasting and, after nearly 20 years with the BBC, they were keen to extend my contract. The punditry role had been important to me as a second career. It meant that I had retained an involvement in football without going into management or coaching. I was lucky to get that option at the time. I was one of the first ex-players to be offered that kind of role at the BBC, but today TV and radio have become something of a cottage industry for footballers at the end of their playing careers.
Hilkka liked the idea of me joining the FA. She was never keen on me going into club management. She liked where we lived and always wanted to stay in the area. A career in club management, she argued, would almost certainly involve uprooting the family at some stage and neither of us would have wanted to interrupt the children's education. They were settled at school.
I talked privately to Gary Lineker about the offer. 'It's a job made for you, Trevor,' he said. 'You must take it.' I knew it was going to be a bit of a wrench leaving the BBC, but I suspected it would be an even bigger wrench leaving West Ham, the club I first joined as a young apprentice in July 1965. It was my club and I felt a commitment. That's why I was happy to help out in a caretaker management role when Glenn Roeder was taken seriously ill with just three matches remaining at the end of season 2002–03. I filled in again when the club sacked him just three matches into the new season. It was going to be a critical year. It had been a traumatic few months for them and I felt very much part of the club and wanted to help them bounce back to the Premiership. I helped identify the new manager, Alan Pardew, who was previously in charge at Reading, and although I was certain he was the right man for the job he had to wait eight games for his first win.
I had a good working relationship with Alan, but I felt that by moving away from the club I would actually help him. I was still travelling to the away games and often fans would come up to me and say: 'We all wanted you to stay in charge, Trev.' This was flattering, of course, but it was also embarrassing. I thought that by distancing myself from the club at that moment I would help Alan emerge as the undisputed boss in his own right. You couldn't hide the fact that I'd already done the job twice with some modest success and that if anything went wrong under Alan I would be the convenient option. The FA approach was timely in as much as it took me out of that equation.
It wasn't easy for Alan in the early weeks. Some supporters were still asking me to help out with the coaching and team selection, but I was trying to detach myself from West Ham. I hoped the fans would accept that and realise that I wouldn't be going back. I had no desire to be manager on a full-time basis. The club chairman, Terry Brown, was very understanding. He knew that from a foot-ball point of view it was an offer that I couldn't turn down. He wished me luck, gave me six seats in the directors' box for life and told me that if it didn't work out I would always be welcomed back.
I started at the FA in the first week of January 2004. Collette and Warren, both of whom were used to commuting to London, found it very funny that their dad, at the age of 55, finally had a day job like everyone else. They kept asking me if I found the travelling tiring. I soon realised that the journey from Shenfield in Essex to Soho Square in central London was easier the earlier I left home. I quickly slipped into a routine that got me to the office around 8.30. People who recognised me were always amazed to see me on the train with the commuter crowd. I'd try to bury my head in a book or paper but there was always someone who'd ask: 'What are you doing here?'
For the first couple of months I was in the office practically every day while I tried to get to know people and understand the roles they had at the FA. My personal assistant, Emma Kernan-Staines, was enormously helpful in guiding me through the early basics of office life. She introduced me to the delights of the laptop and something called a BlackBerry. But after several months I still hadn't sent an e-mail. I preferred the telephone – and still do.
I discovered that the FA was an organisation in a period of transition. They'd had a traumatic 12 months of uncertainty and cost-cutting. I sensed that the staff felt a bit battered and lacking in confidence. Everyone was worried about their job. But, without exception, they welcomed me to Soho Square. They were very supportive even though they realised that I had been brought in to change the direction of certain departments. Quite naturally, many wanted to know how my presence would affect them in the long term. The FA hierarchy hoped that I would act as a unifying influence between the traditional amateur-based committee system and the professional game.
The FA is one of the world's great sporting bodies. Founded by 11 clubs in 1863, the fact that the FA is now known around the world as simply _the_ Football Association demonstrates the global status and reputation of the football world's oldest ruling organisation. The three lions on the FA badge remain emotive and iconic and still carry weight, especially at grass-roots level in developing countries. As a newcomer, walking through the glass-fronted lobby of the offices in Soho Square, I got an immediate sense of the importance of the place. They gave me an office on the fourth floor. Sven's office was on the same floor. At the time they had a staff of about 250 people, all, in one way or another, guardians of the game of football.
The man with the highest profile on the payroll was, of course, Sven-Goran Eriksson, the England team manager. I'd met him before and found him charming company, knowledgeable and willing to listen. He was very positive about my new role. The FA had sounded him out before approaching me and I found his support encouraging. The good news, from my point of view, was that he had decided to extend his contract for a couple more years. This helped the decision-making process in other areas because it gave some medium-term stability. I was pleased when they eventually announced that he had decided to stay until 2008. It meant that I could sit down with him, get some idea of his plans and see how I could make a significant contribution on the development side.
My title at the FA was Director of Football Development. Mark said that the FA board no longer liked the title of Technical Director. For them, apparently, it suggested an employee who was all-powerful. Initially, my role would largely involve the grass roots of the game and was therefore different. So Director of Football Development was agreed because it reflected a wider role, rather than one involving just the elite teams. The truth was that, for me, the grass-roots participation was the attraction of the job. I had many views on sport at this level and, in my role at the Sports Council, had frequently voiced my opinions about the decline in competitive sport at schools and the loss of playing fields. Football was the nation's biggest and most popular sport and I felt that things had to improve at grass-roots level. I thought that, given time, I could make a difference, not just on the playing field but perhaps off it too. Sport has a part to play in establishing role models and promoting good standards of behaviour, particularly among the young and impressionable.
There were other issues for me to look at in the short term. English football had barely progressed in 20 years. In my opinion the technical quality in many areas of the English game was unacceptable. In the elite section we had several national coaches and a technical director, and one of my first tasks was to assess whether we needed all of them. Did we need national teams at all the age groups from 16 to 21, and was the playing style and structure appropriate?
I was asked to examine the strengths and weaknesses of the 'coaching education' structure but, at the time, was unaware of the sensitivities involved. In reality, elite player development was in the hands of the Premiership and Football League clubs, and Howard Wilkinson, the former FA technical director, had been frustrated by the politics that stalked him throughout his reign. He had put a ten-year plan in place called the 'Charter for Quality'. This allowed professional clubs access to the most talented youngsters aged from nine to 18. The clubs felt schoolboy football had deteriorated significantly and they wanted control of the development of the best young players. I came in after five years of the Charter for Quality and the FA felt it was a timely moment to review it. After all, nothing in the modern game is going to survive ten years.
As a result of my review I came to the conclusion that the overall youth development system was flawed, with no proper quality assurance of work programmes, few decent facilities, no verified coaching qualifications and insufficient financial accountability. There seemed to be little agreement on the development of players, or even on how our teams should play. Howard Wilkinson, for instance, was a coach of huge experience whose Leeds United team had won the League Championship in 1992, the last before the introduction of the Premiership. He favoured an international playing system that involved four at the back and a little triangle in front, with two players wide and one at the top of the triangle. This was very similar to the Dutch system and he believed that was how our youngsters should be taught to play the game.
But Sven, the England manager, was locked into a conventional 4-4-2 system. He believed that was the way to play. Me? I thought, 'Why have a set or rigid system?' Surely it depends on the players available and their individual strengths. But is there any logic in having, say, your senior team playing a set system and your Under-21 team adopting a completely different style? There was a lot to consider, not least the personalities involved. Sven didn't get along with Howard Wilkinson. The Under-21 coach David Platt, the former England captain, wasn't close to Les Reed, the coach responsible for the Under-20s and the younger groups. When I arrived David and Les would barely even speak to each other.
This was what I inherited. So, on my first day, when I sat down in a little Soho café to enjoy my lunchtime tuna baguette and caffè latte, I knew that there would be plenty of challenges ahead.
#### CHAPTER 2
#### 'PLEASE, SIR, CAN I TAKE IT?'
AS THOSE OF A CERTAIN vintage will recall I learned the basics of my trade – and indeed the finer points, too – on a large field alongside the main London–Norwich railway line at Chadwell Heath. This was the home of the West Ham training ground. Most of the local boys with dreams of becoming footballers would at some stage pass through this green oasis in the east London suburbs. There are too many to list them all but if I mention Bobby Moore, Martin Peters and Geoff Hurst from my early days at West Ham and players like Rio Ferdinand, Frank Lampard and Michael Carrick from the modern era you get some idea of the quality that has emerged from Chadwell Heath over the years.
Ron Greenwood was the man who turned my dreams into a reality but it was my father, Henry Charles Brooking, who had instilled in me the work ethic and discipline that were to prove so essential in the early years of my career. My parents – 'Harry' and Margaret to everyone who knew them – came from the East End of London. They met in their teens while working in a Co-op store and my father later joined the Metropolitan Police. He served for 26 years, before retiring at the rank of sergeant, and then worked as a school attendance officer for the Greater London Council.
He was, in fact, fortunate to survive the Second World War. One night during the Blitz he was on duty at the police station when a bomb fell on a nearby pub. He rushed to the scene with a fireman but as they approached another bomb fell, killing six people including the fireman. My dad survived but was seriously injured and required several operations to remove fragments of glass from his head. He eventually made a full recovery but it was a slow process. Glass shards were still being removed from his head years later.
I was born in Upney Lane Hospital on 2 October 1948 and at the age of five was sent to Ripple School, a 15-minute walk from our two-up, two-down terrace with an outside toilet in Barking. Each morning, my elder brother Tony, who was to follow Dad into the police force, and I ran to school, kicking a tennis ball against the garden fences as we went. Preventing the rebound from ricocheting off the fence into the road was an early lesson in ball control.
My first teacher, though, was my dad. An aggressive, uncompromising centre-half in the local police team, Dad used to encourage Tony and me to practise with both feet in the back garden or over the park. He would throw the ball at my 'bad' foot – the left – for hours at a time, until I was equally adept with both feet. He did the same with my brother. I was about four when he started doing this. It is so much easier to adopt good habits at an early age. Kicking with one foot only can quickly become a habit, a bad one from the footballer's point of view.
My brother and I used to spend hours playing together, climbing over the spiked railings to use the pitches at the South-East Essex Technical College. We invented competitions in the back garden when we'd use only our weaker foot. We had two drainpipes running down the back wall of the house and we'd 'pass' a tennis ball against the wall between the pipes as many times as we could. We were allowed only one touch each time the ball came off the wall. I could do it easily with my right foot and worked to improve my left until that was just as good.
By the time I was playing professionally I was generally regarded as a left-footed specialist. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am naturally right-footed but it was my father's diligence and patience in the garden that turned me into a player equally proficient with either foot.
I was about eight when a teacher at Ripple School – Mr Clarke – spotted me kicking a tennis ball around in the playground. He asked me if I had any football boots. 'Yes, sir, but they're at home,' I replied. 'Run home and get them,' he said. 'I want you to play in a school trial this afternoon.'
I've never forgotten the role Mr Clarke played in my early development. Many years later, when I'd retired from the professional game, I used to run a couple of soccer schools during the summer holidays in Redbridge and Brentwood. I was absolutely delighted one day when who should turn up but Mr Clarke with his grandson. I hadn't seen him for years but I recognised him immediately.
Although I was a couple of years younger than most of the rest of our school team, I must have made a good impression on Mr Clarke in my first trial game because I was selected for the next match. Happily we won. When we were leading 2-1 the referee awarded us a penalty. Despite being one of the youngest in the team, I said: 'Please, sir, can I take it?' He must have liked my confidence because he let me go ahead. I strolled up to the ball and scored easily. At that age you don't think about it. Years later, when I was about 15, I was asked to take a penalty while playing for Essex Schools against London Schools. It wasn't quite the same this time. The tension was too much for me. I missed it. We lost the match and it was several years before I again took a penalty.
I was ten when my father took me to watch West Ham for the first time. We stood on the North Bank surrounded by other fathers and sons. There was no police presence to speak of and stewarding was minimal. If there was a crush the boys would be handed down to the front over the heads of the adult spectators, and we'd stand there quite happily until our parents picked us up at the end of the match. I can still remember the excitement I felt during my first visit to Upton Park. It was April 1958. Liverpool were the opponents and West Ham were bidding to clinch promotion from the old Second Division and win back a place among the elite of the game after a 26-year absence.
This was the final home game and not surprisingly the crowd of 37,734 was the biggest of the season. Ernie Gregory, Noel Cantwell, Johnny Dick and Vic Keeble were the among the star names, but on the day it was a thunderbolt shot from full-back John Bond that gave West Ham a 1-1 draw. A week later they won 3-1 at Middlesbrough and were promoted to the old First Division, where they stayed until 1978.
After that first visit to Upton Park I regularly attended West Ham's home games until my own football commitments at school and district level took priority. Having passed the eleven-plus, I went to Ilford County High School, a grammar school where John Lyall, later to be my manager at West Ham, had been a pupil. It was a good school with high standards and there was little indiscipline among the students, so the cane was used only rarely. Similarly, in those days there were few instances of hooliganism at football matches.
I played for Ilford County High and, while there, was selected for the district Under-13 team. Although originally chosen as a left-half I played at right-back. This upset my father who used to watch all my matches when he could. He made his feelings known and I was moved into midfield where I was to establish myself. I also played for London Schools and Essex and was called into the England Schoolboy squad.
In 1963–64 I was chosen by England as a right-half. But George Luke, a promising youngster from the North-east who had a brief career with Chelsea before moving to South Africa, was preferred in that position for the season's opening match against West Germany at Wembley. I came into the side for the second game against the Germans at Ayresome Park but my performance was far from distinguished. When they reduced the squad from 16 to 15 for a trip to play Northern Ireland in Belfast I was the unlucky one left behind. I was bitterly disappointed. But it was an early taste of the uncertainties of life in football.
To be honest, football as a career hadn't crossed my mind at this stage. It was simply a game I loved to play. I wanted to become as good as I could simply for the enjoyment I got from it. Mind you, at that time it wasn't the glamour industry it was to become. Players' wages had gone through the £100-a-week barrier a few years earlier and the weekly wage in the old First Division was higher than the average working man's salary. But there were no millionaires and even the highest paid, like Fulham's Johnny Haynes who was the first to earn £100 a week, were unlikely ever to attain that kind of status from simply playing football.
I enjoyed watching West Ham and had you asked me if I would like to play for them one day I would probably have said yes. But I didn't seriously think about it as a career until later in my schooldays. Although my dad encouraged me to improve as a player I don't think either of my parents would have wanted me to become a professional footballer because it wasn't considered a proper career in those days.
Most young players at that time left school at 15 and signed a three-year contract with a club as an apprentice but my parents were keen for me to continue at school for another year and take my GCE O levels. I had an idea that I might become an accountant – but others thought differently.
Dick Walker, the Tottenham scout, had been to see me and so had Jimmy Thompson of Chelsea. I'd trained with both clubs without indicating to either whether I was serious about a career in football. Millwall were also interested. West Ham? They seemed indifferent, until the manager Ron Greenwood came to see me play for Ilford against Oxford in the quarter-finals of the English Schools Trophy. Wally St Pier, West Ham's renowned scout, was also at the match. Ilford lost 3-2, but I played well. First thing next morning Wally turned up at our house to see my mum and dad. He said that Mr Greenwood had watched me himself and wanted me to sign for West Ham. My mum was unimpressed and quite blunt with him. 'Why has it taken you until now to come round?' she asked him.
I talked it over with my parents. They had mixed feelings, but they suspected that I would always regret it if I didn't try to make the grade. They agreed that I should join West Ham provided I continued with my education so that I had something to fall back on if I failed to establish myself as a footballer.
Tottenham and Chelsea wanted me to sign apprenticeship forms immediately. Tommy Docherty, the Chelsea manager, sent us four complimentary tickets for the West Ham v Preston FA Cup final of 1964. My father returned them because West Ham had already sent us two, for which he paid.
West Ham's willingness to allow me to continue with my studies, plus my schoolboy allegiance to them, meant there was no real decision about which club I would join. I signed as an apprentice at Upton Park in July 1965. By that time I had seven O levels from Ilford County High. I'd failed English language and when I retook it four months later I achieved an A pass! You can't tell me that I'd improved that much in just four months. I often think about that when I read about the controversies surrounding education these days. The degree of difficulty seems to vary between different exam boards and for that reason I think it's often worth persevering by retaking important subjects.
Encouraged by Mr Greenwood, who was one of football's most innovative coaches, I continued my education at West Ham. I did a day-release course in economics and accountancy, took and passed four more O levels and two A levels, and gained a diploma in business studies. I knew football would be a risky career and I thought it was vital to have some qualifications, as insurance.
I didn't want my parents to feel guilty, at some stage in the future, if I failed to make the grade as a footballer. They gave me the chance of a career that was a schoolboy's dream. But we knew there was an element of risk. If I failed, I didn't want them to feel that it had been time wasted. When I was given the opportunity, I knew that I wanted to be a footballer more than I wanted to be an accountant or anything else. But I also knew that if I continued to study I could always look at accountancy or some other profession in the future. I was happy to be a £7-a-week apprentice at West Ham but my mum and dad had encouraged me to have a plan B. It was sound advice.
I found the first few days at West Ham a bit daunting. It's probably the same for any youngster starting a job for the first time. Dressing rooms are full of banter and mickey-taking but I wasn't going to be intimidated. I was quite tall for my age and the fact that I'd always played football, and other sports, with my older brother and his friends meant that I was used to the kind of verbal sparring that goes on among teenagers. Even so, I was a bit overawed when Ron Greenwood introduced me to the other players. I vividly remember meeting Bobby Moore, who was at his peak at the time. He was not only the West Ham captain, but also the England captain. He shook my hand and wished me well.
It quickly became apparent to anyone who watched me on the training pitch that there was nothing I could do with my right foot that I couldn't also do with my left. Even in those early days at West Ham there was no occasion when I was concerned about controlling the ball when it was on its way to me. Whether it was coming at me from my right side or my left side made no difference. Many years later, when I was studying technique and ability levels as Director of Football Development at the FA, I was alarmed at the number of professional players in the modern game who were not comfortable receiving the ball sideways on. This is a horrendous deficit among our midfield and attacking players. I cannot tell you how many of those we selected for England's international teams who were still not good at receiving the ball on the half-turn.
The only area where my left foot was slightly weaker than my right was when driving the ball. I could summon more power driving the ball with my right boot. Apart from that, I could use the inside or outside of either foot with equal confidence, and I could still hit moving balls powerfully with my left foot. But I tended to strike a dead ball with my right.
The goal that everyone seems to remember is the second of the two that I scored for England against Hungary in Budapest in a World Cup qualifying tie in June 1981. I remember it because it was the day of my wedding anniversary but I think the fans remember it because the ball stuck in the stanchion inside the net. It was a moving ball, a pass from Kevin Keegan, and I struck it from distance with my left foot. It was my most spectacular goal for England and it so surprised my wife Hilkka, watching at home on TV with my parents, that she told me later: 'I had to look at it twice to make sure it was really you!'
I gave my dad all the credit for that goal. He had encouraged Tony and me and had stressed the importance of being able to kick with both feet. I quickly realised the value of all that he had taught me during those first months on the West Ham training ground. Ron Greenwood was a coach who appreciated players who had a complete mastery of the ball. There were many occasions in the years that followed when I had good reason to be thankful to Dad. I'm sure there were moments before he died – in the week before Christmas 1997 – when he must have watched me play and felt a sense of satisfaction. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to him and my mum. She died 11 months after him. They had been married for 56 years.
They provided a happy and stable home for Tony and me, and our success in life – my brother went on to become a chief inspector in the Metropolitan Police – was undoubtedly due to the care and devotion of our parents. We were comfortable in our terraced house in Barking, but never well off. I remember my mum making Christmas crackers to supplement the family income when we were small children. My dad rode a bicycle until he could finally afford a car. It was a bit of a banger that struggled up hills. I think I was seven or eight when our first TV set arrived in the house. Tony and I didn't watch it much because most evenings and weekends we were outside, playing football or cricket.
A couple of years ago, I addressed a group of 14-year-old girls at an FA Centre of Excellence. I explained to them that young people today have so many more distractions in life than I did when I was their age. 'For a start,' I said, 'you've got seventy or eighty TV channels to watch. When I was a kid we had one.'
I continued talking for a few seconds until a girl put up her hand and said: 'Sorry to interrupt, but do you mean there was only _one_ television channel?'
'Yes,' I said. 'BBC, black and white!' There was a collective gasp and they all started chattering among themselves. They could not envisage living in a society that had only one TV channel!
If Tony and I were not playing football we'd be indoors doing our homework, reading the adventures of Roy of the Rovers in _Tiger_ comic or playing card games like cribbage with mum and dad. Holidays were spent in a holiday camp at Lowestoft or Yarmouth and occasionally we'd have a day out to Southend. When I became a footballer the family invariably travelled to watch me play. We'd all discuss my performance afterwards. We were close and had a lot of fun as a family and I like to think that Hilkka and I enjoyed the same kind of relationship with our children, Warren and Collette, as they grew up.
My parents made sure we maintained certain standards of behaviour. If my brother or I stepped out of line we'd get a clip round the ear. My dad would give me a look and I'd know straight away, 'Hello, I'd better watch out.' You respected that. It seems to me that some parents nowadays defend their children blindly and let them get away with anything. That's not doing them any favours. It's much the same in some schools. Some teachers find it difficult to discipline children and it's often because they know the parents will side with their wrongdoing offspring.
My years with Sport England gave me plenty of opportunities to witness at first hand the decline in standards of behaviour at schools. Good behaviour, bad behaviour . . . it all starts in the home, of course. All my own personal standards are based on what I learned from my mum and dad. I believe what we had as a family all those years ago is achievable in modern life if you treat your children fairly and firmly and make them understand the difference between right and wrong.
It's rather like learning to control a football. You have to do it at a young age. I used to argue with the Government about sport in schools. You can't begin at 11. You've lost them by that age. You've got to start with them at primary school age. Some primary schools do absolutely nothing for their children in the field of sport. It's much the same with teaching them how to behave properly. I see some parents with children who simply don't know how to behave properly. Had my two kids behaved in the way some youngsters do today, I'd have felt hugely embarrassed and ashamed.
Happily, old-fashioned disciplines still apply at most professional football clubs. Young players are reminded of their responsibilities to behave well and set examples. The rewards are huge for those who are successful, but so are the temptations and distractions. A recent survey discovered, for instance, that 98 per cent of all academy players in the Premier League had Twitter accounts. Quite what it is they think they have to tell the world at that age is beyond me, but it gives some idea of their priorities.
As a young apprentice at West Ham in the mid-sixties, a time when all sorts of new opportunities were presenting themselves to the young, I was careful not to take too much for granted. Yes, I could kick with both feet, but I knew I had a long way to go before the dream of making the big time became a reality.
#### CHAPTER 3
#### THOSE BOLEYN BOYS
I WAS INTRODUCED TO the vagaries of professional football as a career in my first week of pre-season training at West Ham. I had signed my apprenticeship papers and was full of youthful optimism, and when I turned up for work I was keen to show what I could do.
The mood at the training ground in Chadwell Heath that July in 1965 was buoyant. Just a few weeks earlier West Ham had won the European Cup Winners' Cup, beating the German side TSV Munich 1860 2-0 in a Wembley final that would come to be regarded as a minor classic. A year earlier, of course, West Ham had qualified for the European competition by beating Preston North End 3-2 in the 1964 FA Cup final.
It was a good time to be at West Ham. Johnny Byrne, a record signing from Crystal Palace, was considered one of the most gifted attacking players in the country. John Sissons, who had become the youngest FA Cup final goalscorer in history in 1964, was a winger of huge potential. Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters had still to claim their places in World Cup folklore, but were well-established top-quality players clearly benefiting from the innovative coaching of Ron Greenwood.
There was a sense that West Ham, traditionally a family club of modest ambition, were growing in stature. I don't think anyone expected us to be challenging the might of Tottenham Hotspur, Manchester United or Leeds United but there was a noticeable spring in the step as the players prepared for the coming season. As with all clubs in the weeks before the big kick-off, West Ham organised a press day when the newspaper photographers turned up to take a team picture and then individual shots of all the players. These photographs were catalogued and stored and would appear in the newspapers at regular intervals over the following year.
Alan Sealey was of particular interest to the newspapermen that summer because he had emerged as the unlikely hero of that European win over TSV Munich. 'Sammy the Seal', as he was known, had been in and out of the first team for five seasons, sharing the number seven shirt with Peter Brabrook for much of that time. But he had played in six of the eight European ties that season so it was no surprise when Ron Greenwood picked him to play in the ninth – the final at Wembley.
I was lucky enough to be in the 100,000 crowd that night. It was a thrilling game that drew a TV audience of 30 million from across Europe. West Ham had the better chances but Munich's Yugoslav goalkeeper Petar Radenkovic stood defiant until he was suddenly beaten twice in two minutes – by Alan Sealey.
'Sammy' scored his first, firing home a pass from Ronnie Boyce, in the 69th minute. The West Ham fans were still dancing on the terraces when Radenkovic made his one mistake, failing to reach a difficult cross from Bobby Moore. 'Sammy' was in the right place at the right time to make it 2-0 and secure a unique place for himself in the club's history. Greenwood described it as 'West Ham's greatest win' and, years later, when Bobby Moore was asked to select the most memorable game of his illustrious career he picked this match – not the 1966 World Cup final. 'We had all come through the ranks together,' he said. 'It was like winning the FA Cup with your school team.'
For Greenwood it was the reward for three or four years of hard work, patience and faith in the principles that he tried to instil in his players. He believed that football was a game of beauty and intelligence and that night at Wembley his team showed that he was right.
English football at the time was noted chiefly for its power, aggression and commitment but praise for West Ham poured in from across Europe, congratulating the team on the quality of their passing game. A few months later the Hammers were voted Team of the Year at the BBC _Sportsview_ annual awards ceremony.
Greenwood was a celebrated tactician but also gave a lot of thought to his preparation for matches. We knew that our opponents in the final would be either TSV Munich or Torino and when they finished level on aggregate after two legs of the semi-final the manager decided to send the entire squad to Zurich to watch the play-off. Can you imagine that happening today? It was a priceless move. The players had to watch the game in open seats in a thunderstorm but they all agreed that the information gleaned from seeing the Germans in action had been of significant benefit when the team faced them in the final.
So, a few short weeks after that memorable night at Wembley, I was on the training pitch rubbing shoulders with the players who had made West Ham only the second English club to win a major European trophy. It was clear that no one was looking forward to the new season with more enthusiasm than our Wembley hero Alan Sealey. He had been married about a week before the final – all his team-mates attended the wedding – and after his success at Wembley he believed he had a great chance of finally pinning down a regular first-team place.
As with a lot of West Ham players in that era, Alan was also a keen cricketer. This, of course, was at a time when the overlap between the football and cricket seasons was minimal, allowing some players to pursue both sports. The West Ham goalkeeper Jim Standen, for instance, played regularly for Worcestershire and was once 12th man for England. Geoff Hurst and Eddie Presland both played for Essex and Ronnie Boyce, Brian Dear and Bobby Moore all played a good standard of club cricket.
This enthusiasm for cricket led to frequent knockabout matches during the lunchtime break in pre-season training. It was all light-hearted stuff until the afternoon when, with the press in attendance, Alan's football career was suddenly thrown into serious doubt. He was fielding at long-on during one of our impromptu cricket matches when someone skied one. 'Sammy' started running to make the catch, his eyes firmly on the ball. Two or three seconds before it happened you could see that he was running into trouble. Other players were shouting to warn him, but he couldn't hear them. 'Sammy' collided with one of the long wooden school forms that had been used by the players to sit on for the team photo shoot.
When he crashed into the long, low bench he broke a leg. He was out of action for 18 months and when he finally returned, in December 1966, he made just four more appearances for West Ham before moving briefly to Plymouth Argyle. He finished his playing career with his local club Romford in the old Southern League.
I remember how deflated we all felt that afternoon when 'Sammy' was taken to hospital. It showed me just how risky and fickle football could be as an occupation. We were all delighted when he recovered and returned to training but it was soon obvious that he was never going to be the player he had been before his accident.
It was a good lesson for me and the other seven youngsters who had signed as apprentices that summer. Only two of us – Frank Lampard senior and myself – had long careers at West Ham but most of the rest stayed in the game in one capacity or another. Roger Cross, for instance, was Geoff Hurst's understudy and the reserve team's top scorer for two seasons. But his first-team opportunities were limited. He made just eight appearances before deciding to move across London to Brentford where he was a first-team regular. He later played for Fulham and Millwall before starting a coaching career that eventually took him back to West Ham, where he served four different managers.
Like so many of the club's players at that time, Roger was a local lad from East Ham. He was one of my pals at the club, along with Bob Glozier, a full-back who captained England Schoolboys. He was also captain of the West Ham team that reached the semi-finals of the FA Youth Cup. We were beaten 2-1 on aggregate by Birmingham City, whose centre-forward Bob Latchford would later play with me in the England team. In those days clubs like West Ham had 50 to 60 players on the staff. The majority would have joined the club as youngsters and, in the case of West Ham, almost all of them were either from London or Essex. Foreign players? They were a rarity. This was before mass immigration, and the Football League's rules about residential qualification meant that few foreigners were able to register with Football League clubs.
Clyde Best, for instance, had arrived here from Bermuda as a 17-year-old and met the residential requirements. But Mordechai Spiegler, a technically gifted midfield player and captain of Israel, was told quite bluntly by the Football League secretary, Alan Hardaker, that he was ineligible to play in England. Ron Greenwood had been impressed by him during the 1970 World Cup in Mexico and invited him to train with us. Mordechai had an encyclopaedic knowledge of English football and one day sat with Jimmy Greaves on the bus taking us to a pre-season training run. Sitting next to the great Greaves must have been a wonderful experience for Mordechai, who talked non-stop about English football all the way to training. Now for Jimmy, football was for playing, not for talking about. When he got off the bus he sidled up to Greenwood and said: 'Don't let sit him next to me again – please!'
Sadly, Mordechai wasn't with us long. But West Ham's interest had put him in the shop window and he moved on to Paris St Germain. Clyde Best, on the other hand, played in the first team for six years and became part of the 'family'. West Ham was a real community club. We had our own patch of east London and for many of the locals the club was the focal point of their lives.
The fans identified strongly with the players and would follow closely the progress of the local lads through the youth ranks. As a young player your route forward was mapped out for you and if you worked hard and ticked the right boxes you would make progress. First, there were two youth teams and all the mundane chores that were part of the apprenticeship in those days, such as sweeping the dressing-room floor and cleaning the senior players' boots ready for training the next morning. It was all part of the learning curve for a young player. Once you had graduated from youth level you were promoted to the Metropolitan League side and then the reserve team that played in the Football Combination. Once you reached reserve-team level you could think about challenging for the first team. I progressed through the youth teams, and it was in the Metropolitan League team that I began to blossom.
The Metropolitan League team was coached by a West Ham loyalist with strong club connections – Jimmy Barrett junior. A local West Ham lad, he played for the club for five years before moving to Nottingham Forest, where he played a big part in their rise to the old First Division. He eventually returned to West Ham as player-manager of the Metropolitan League side, where he was to be an influential figure in my own progress.
In 1945–46 Jim had played in the same West Ham A team as his father, 'Big' Jim Barrett, who at the end of a distinguished playing career had returned to the club to take charge of the A team. 'Big' Jim, born in Stratford in 1907, was a legendary figure at Upton Park, having made a total of 467 first-team appearances between the years 1925 and 1939. Few today will know that one of 'Big' Jim's first games for the club was a schoolboy match against Liverpool in the English Shield final in 1921. The then Duke of York (later King George VI) was among a wall-to-wall crowd of 30,600 that established a new attendance record for Upton Park that day.
Although his later life was beset with ill-health – he died in 1970 at the age of 63 – 'Big' Jim was delighted that his son had carried on the family tradition at West Ham. I was delighted, too. Jim junior was a good coach and, like his boss Ron Greenwood, was happy to try new ideas. I started in what was essentially the third team as a wing-half but after a couple of months Jim decided to try me in a more attacking role in central midfield. This turned out to be a really good move for me. It gave me the freedom I wanted. It was the role that suited me best.
Ernie Gregory, another legendary figure at West Ham, soon took notice. He was coach to the reserve team in the Football Combination. Ernie, 14 years the first-team goalkeeper, retired in 1987 after 51 years as either player or coach at West Ham. His funeral in 2012 attracted probably the biggest turn-out of former West Ham players I've ever seen.
When I first joined West Ham my family were still living in Barking and Ernie would sometimes give me a lift home. When the family moved to Gidea Park I travelled to the training ground at Chadwell Heath on the train or bus, but when I was 17 and had passed my driving test I treated myself to my first car – a Ford Anglia. Ernie was a mine of information and advice and I enjoyed playing in the reserves. You knew you were just one step away from the first team. Fortunately for me, I hadn't been in the reserves long before Mr Greenwood called me to one side and asked if I felt ready for first-team duty. It was Jimmy Barrett junior's decision to switch my role that had fast-tracked me to the first team.
There had already been newspaper speculation about my first-team potential. Vic Railton, the affable cockney football correspondent of the old _London Evening News_ , had suggested that '18-year-old Trevor Brooking might make his debut at Burnley'. His information was good. Even so, it was still a surprise. I'd been named in the squad to travel to Turf Moor and, just before the pre-match meal, Mr Greenwood told me that he felt it was the ideal game for me to make my first-team debut. I didn't have long to think about it. 'You're ready,' he said. 'The fact it's away from home makes it a bit easier. It takes a bit of the pressure off you.'
Ron Greenwood always enjoyed taking his team to Burnley. He was born on the outskirts of the town and had first watched football with his dad at Turf Moor. He had a lot of respect for the club and was particularly impressed by their youth development system. For such a small town, surrounded by all the big clubs of Lancashire, they had a wonderful reputation for producing their own players. Most, of course, had to be sold to keep the club alive but it was a formula that worked for them.
At the time they were one of the most accomplished teams in the First Division. League champions in 1960, they were runners-up to Alf Ramsey's Ipswich and beaten FA Cup finalists two years later. They had some really talented individuals, such as Jimmy McIlroy, Willie Morgan, Brian O'Neil and Gordon Harris, and the manager warned me what to expect. He told me he thought that it would be an open, attacking match.
West Ham's start to season 1967–68 had not been encouraging although we had beaten Burnley 4-2 at Upton Park in our second home match. Our visit to Turf Moor produced the same number of goals – six – but this time it ended 3-3. Bobby Moore was at the heart of everything, scoring the first goal of the game and then making two goal-line clearances. By now, of course, Moore, Hurst and Peters were global celebrities, having played such major roles in England's 1966 World Cup triumph.
All three scored on the night of my debut and even though we hadn't won I remember my sense of exhilaration at the end. I was brought in to replace Brian Dear and played wide on the right. I avoided any heroics. I didn't want to make mistakes. I was pleased with my performance and the mood in the dressing room at the end was one of satisfaction. Back then you did well to come away from Turf Moor with a draw.
It was an exhausting introduction to the pace and intensity of first-team football. It was different to what I had become used to in the reserves. In my first 90 minutes among the elite of the English game I finally understood why we had to work so long and hard in training day after day. Players at the highest level not only move quicker, but they think quicker too. The thinking part of the equation was never a problem for me. It was the movement, the pace and particularly the acceleration required that could prove challenging. As a youngster I found the fitness programmes tough, especially in pre-season. I think a lot of young players did. In fact, if I'm honest I'd say that I found pre-season training arduous throughout my career. I didn't shirk anything. It's just that I wasn't built for speed!
Some of my contemporaries would report back for training after the summer break more than a stone overweight. Clyde Best was a classic example. He had the build of a heavyweight boxer but he certainly knew how to relax and enjoy himself once the season was over. His optimum playing weight was somewhere around 13½ stone. We all held our breath when he climbed on the scales at the start of pre-season training. He always returned from Bermuda a bit beefy. But this summer he got married and gained more than two stone. The club put him on a strict diet, forcing him to wear sweat suits whenever he trained. He lost weight but felt weaker. Although he had a career-long battle to keep his weight down he was then the highest profile black player in the English game and in 1971–72 had his best season when he was our top scorer with 23 goals.
Clyde was a hugely popular figure and after six seasons in the first team moved on to play in the United States and for the emerging Feyenoord side in Holland. Later he coached his native Bermuda, was awarded an MBE and was for a while a prison officer on the island. He still visits West Ham from time to time and over the years has clearly found controlling his weight no less a burden.
I enjoyed his company, particularly on our training runs all those years ago when super-fit people like Billy Bonds regularly showed us up. Bill, one of my great friends at West Ham, was sickeningly fit and dominated the cross-country running until a young man called Tony Cottee joined the club. He was as fit as a fiddle and a natural runner. Bill suddenly realised there was a young whipper-snapper in our ranks who wasn't going to be caught. To be fair, Bill was in his mid-thirties by this time. Even when I was fully fit I wasn't close to Bill's level. When we reported back for training each summer he needed only a couple of days' work to be fitter than me.
He never actually realised that I spent far longer running than he did simply because it took me a lot longer to finish. This gave me endurance and Bill never appreciated that fact! I acknowledge that speed was always a bit of a problem, though I was 200 metres champion three years running at school. I would like to have been quicker over the first few yards – and I did try!
Nowadays things are different. No club spends ten days on cross-country running in pre-season. We used to run for miles in Hainault Forest. After about three days we'd have blisters the size of half-crowns, as well as tight thigh muscles and calf strains. By about day four everyone was hobbling before we'd even started running. It's far more scientific today. The top players have individual pre-season training programmes designed to get the best out of them. This even extends to things like diet. Years ago I'd have steak and chips before a match. It was generally accepted that red meat gave you the energy you would need. We now know that red meat takes 24 hours to digest, so everyone eats pasta and salad before a match. Modern sports scientists would have palpitations if we tried to reintroduce the pre-match regimes that existed when I was playing.
I also believe that most of today's professional footballers take better care of themselves during the close season. For the top players the summer break is probably shorter because so many have to report back for lucrative pre-season tours to foreign countries weeks before the Premiership season starts. They cannot afford to let themselves deteriorate during the summer. Most monitor their physical condition during their holiday and get enough exercise to keep ticking over. Some actually report to the training ground and barely stop work, apart from two or three weeks in the sun, once the season ends.
What mattered to me in the early weeks of season 1967–68 was that my level of fitness was good enough for Ron Greenwood. Four days after my debut at Burnley I was retained in the squad even though Brian Dear was fit enough to return to face Manchester United at Upton Park. Matt Busby's great team, rebuilt from the ashes of the Munich air disaster in 1958, were the league's defending champions that autumn.
Their team included some of the club's most famous names – Bobby Charlton, George Best and Paddy Crerand among them – and although we had the best of the first half neither Geoff Hurst nor Brian Dear could put away the chances that fell to them. With Billy Bonds injured, I was summoned from the substitutes' bench when we were two goals behind. I felt I made some positive contributions but we ended up losing 3-1. Of course, later that season United became the first English club to win the European Cup.
Despite the defeat to United, I'd clearly made enough of an impression to stay in the team. I kept my place for the next three games and particularly enjoyed the 5-1 win at Sunderland when, in the space of three minutes, Peters, Hurst and Harry Redknapp all scored. I had to wait until December for my first goal but then, like London buses, they came along in clusters. We were 2-0 down to Leicester City at Upton Park on Boxing Day when Brian Dear rounded Peter Shilton to spark an epic fightback. Brian scored a hat-trick and I got the other one in a 4-2 win.
In those days clubs played each other twice over the holiday period and four days later we met Leicester again. I scored in another 4-2 win – our first at Filbert Street since 1948. Manchester United were our first opponents of 1968. A crowd of 59,516 squeezed into Old Trafford and saw Bobby Charlton celebrate his 400th league game with a goal from 25 yards. Brian Dear created my equalising goal but we lost 3-1.
Early in February I scored twice in a 7-2 win against Fulham. Bobby Robson, later to be England manager, was in charge at Fulham. It was his first big job in management and ended in relegation to the Second Division. I scored again in a bitterly fought 1-1 draw with Arsenal – my former youth team-mate Frank Lampard set up the chance – but it was in the next game that I really made it into the headlines.
On a sunny afternoon, Newcastle – whose striker Bryan 'Pop' Robson would later become a close friend and team-mate – came to Upton Park with ambitions of finishing in the top four or five in the First Division. They had a good team, with players like the prolific goalscorer Robson, the Wales striker Wyn Davies, and the experienced Frank Clark at left-back and Bobby Moncur at centre-back.
Moncur, the Newcastle captain, marked me and, with Geoff Hurst absent, thought he was going to have a comfortable afternoon. Geoff was injured and Ron Greenwood had asked me to play his role at the front of our attack. Bobby thought he had little to fear from a 19-year-old. He was wrong. I scored my first goal from Harry Redknapp's free kick in the 25th minute. I scored my second in the 64th minute and completed my hat-trick with a sweet volley in the 75th minute. Johnny Sissons weighed in with two more goals to give us a 5-0 win.
I was delighted with my first hat-trick. It took my tally for the season to nine goals. There was a lot of back-slapping in the dressing room afterwards. I was allowed to keep the match ball. The rest of the lads signed it for me and I took it home and presented it to my mum and dad. For years it sat on top of the TV in the lounge. These days it's a bit shrivelled but I'm sure if I were to search I'd find it in the loft of my house – a treasured memento of my one and only hat-trick in professional football.
#### CHAPTER 4
#### THE TURNING POINT
IN JUNE 1970 THE AMERICANS were bombing the Ho Chi Minh trail, Ted Heath was securing a surprise general election victory for the Conservatives, Tony Jacklin was winning the US Open and Bobby Moore was about to face Brazil in the World Cup in Mexico having just been accused of the theft of a bracelet in Colombia.
Me? I was about to be married. On 6 June, 24 hours before Moore, Hurst and Peters lost 1-0 to Brazil, I walked up the aisle with a pretty blonde Finnish girl called Hilkka and said 'I do!' I was 21. Hilkka was working as an au pair in Golders Green. We'd known each other for two years. I met her at my brother Tony's wedding to Ritva, another Finnish girl.
Ron Greenwood always advised his young players to get married because he felt it gave them a sense of responsibility and kept them out of the pubs and discos. But that wasn't the reason I married Hilkka! I chatted with her at my brother's wedding but it took me three months to pluck up the courage to ask her for a date. She made me suffer for my apparent indifference by replying that she was too busy in the foreseeable future.
Eventually we met and I took her out in my car. Negotiating the busy streets of central London was not easy for someone who had not been driving for long, but I did my best to impress. I drove her to the cinema to watch Stanley Baker in _Robbery_ , the story of the Great Train Robbery. I loved the film, and afterwards took Hilkka to the Golden Egg, a restaurant in Oxford Street, for dinner.
It is possible that she wasn't overly taken with my choice of eatery. She certainly hadn't been impressed by my choice of movie. 'Why did we have to see a film like that?' she asked. 'Well,' I replied, 'I didn't know how the evening was going to unfold so I thought that at least I'd enjoy the film!'
It wasn't the most sophisticated of evenings. But something must have made an impression. We started seeing each other regularly and within eight months were engaged. Her mother had died when she was young but most of Hilkka's family came over from Finland for the wedding. My brother was best man and Billy Bonds and Harry Redknapp were among the guests on our very special day. Our children, Collette and Warren, are both grown up of course and our grandchildren, Harry and Amy, are a constant source of joy who will continue to give us much happiness in the future.
Over the years Hilkka grew to appreciate my unassuming nature and generosity of spirit, qualities that I discovered were not always helpful on the football pitch. As my career at West Ham developed it began to occur to me that taking a back seat was not always the best option. It was my nature to sit quietly in the background and as a young player I was always happy to pass the ball to someone else rather than take the initiative and use my talent to express myself as an individual.
My role up until now had been essentially to give the ball to someone more experienced than me and, deep down, I still wondered whether I would make the grade at the highest level. I had been in and out of the first team for two or three seasons and found playing in the reserves in front of a couple of hundred spectators a bleak and frustrating experience.
These are the moments in a fledgling career when you sink or swim as a young player. These are the moments when you discover whether you have the mental strength to overcome problems and disappointments. Obviously I had the support of my family but when you go to take a throw-in and someone in the crowd hurls insults at you, your confidence can dip. I realised, watching players like Billy Bonds and Bobby Moore, that you had to have total confidence in your own ability otherwise you would crumble. Looking back, I would probably have benefited from some help in this area but, in the end, I sorted it out myself.
Years later, when I was deeply involved in the development of young players at the FA, there were times when I recalled my own experiences as a young professional trying to get a foothold in the team. Today the monitoring of young players is far more sophisticated. The Premier League, for instance, called upon the expertise of a Belgian company called Foot Pass, which specialises in auditing football talent development systems. Having done a lot of work for the Bundesliga academies, they were asked to do the same job in England. They produce a quality evaluation based on relevant and objective criteria that demonstrate the strengths and weaknesses of a club's youth training schemes. The four areas they look at are: technical, physiological, social and psychological.
I had recognised, during my time at the Sports Council, that coaching quality varied in different sports but many of the more discerning sports focused on the 'four-corner' model. This was something we strengthened during our expansion of football development at the FA and in recent years the Elite Player Performance Plan was introduced at professional clubs, with a significant increase in the funding of youth development.
Of the four areas we worked at, my own enthusiasm focused initially on improving the technical ability, but I soon came to realise the importance of the other areas. For example, the biggest failing among young English players was found to be in the psychological domain. I was surprised, but the Belgian company's audit discovered that the biggest gap between us and some of the other big European nations was in the confidence factor. You have to be mentally strong to succeed. If you are going to be among the best in football, in any sport in fact, you have to believe in your own ability. I convinced myself that I was good enough to make the grade, but there were plenty of challenges along the way.
When I chipped an ankle bone against Nottingham Forest in December 1969 I lost my place in the first team and, by the time I'd recovered, West Ham had invested £90,000 in Peter Eustace from Sheffield Wednesday. He was similar to me in playing style. He was not a defensive player and I knew there was little prospect of us both being in the team together. He was a creative two-footed midfield player and, as the club had just sold Martin Peters to Tottenham, he clearly felt that he'd been given the opportunity to succeed the World Cup hero as a first-team regular. I was on the sidelines for about two months, during which time Peter established himself in the team.
It was a depressing period for me. I seriously asked myself whether I wanted to continue with my football career. Even when fully fit I seemed to be sharing my first-team role with a handful of other players. Five of us were in a similar situation – me, Harry Redknapp, Bobby Howe, Jimmy Lindsay and Peter Bennett. We were fighting for two places. The other nine seemed to be safe regardless of the results. If we lost, the five of us always knew the outcome. 'One of us will get the blame for this,' we'd tell each other. We were rotated.
Ron Greenwood didn't like confrontation, particularly when it came to his established big-name players. When we lost, he found it easier to leave out the younger players if he wanted to make changes. Peter Bennett would have a run of three or four games, then me, then Harry. Then we'd be out. We wouldn't know we'd been dropped until the day of the game. You wouldn't know until you saw the team sheet pinned on the wall. I thought that was terrible and never forgot it. Years later, when I had two brief spells as caretaker manager at West Ham, I always made sure that the players knew whether they were in the team. Those left out might not agree with the decision but to my way of thinking it was important to be honest and tell them why they hadn't been picked.
I was just drifting along so I went to see the manager to discuss my future. I told him I wasn't happy. In those days when you played in the reserve team it meant your bonuses were smaller. At home, we were struggling financially. Hilkka worked for the first five years of our married life because we were short of money. I remember her telling me one day that she'd had to hide in the bathroom when the window cleaner called for his money because she didn't have enough to pay him.
Ron Greenwood listened sympathetically to my case, offered some advice and some criticism, and suggested that I should be more aggressive on the pitch and get more involved in matches. He pointed out that, for someone of my size, I got knocked off the ball far too easily. I hadn't been conscious of this. He made the same point in training in front of my team-mates one day. 'It's a bad habit that you should get out of your system,' he said. 'You're like the carpet man – you're always on the floor.' Typical of footballers, I was suddenly given a new name – Cyril. This stuck for a while and came about because of a TV advert proclaiming Cyril Lord 'the carpet king'. He made his fortune selling carpets in the sixties.
The only explanation I could offer for this 'habit' of mine was the fact that I had a long stride and was perhaps off balance more than I should have been when running at full tilt. I watched and learned from other players and tried hard to lean into tackles when a challenger came at me. Although I fell a lot I was rarely accused of diving. If I was playing in today's game I would probably be awarded plenty of penalties.
The only time I remember being accused of diving was some years later when Tony Grealish, the Republic of Ireland international, clipped my ankle as I was running into the Luton Town penalty area. I took a couple more strides before falling and we were awarded a penalty. David Pleat, the Luton manager, claimed afterwards that I had dived. I hadn't. Tony's attempt to knock the ball away was just enough to tip me off balance. I don't agree with diving. I don't agree with any attempt to deceive the referee.
I had just grown accustomed to cries of 'Here, Cyril!' when we went on an end-of-season tour to the United States, where I was given a new nickname – once again, it did little to flatter my ego. While based in Baltimore we went to see a really good baseball team called the Baltimore Orioles. They had a big star in their ranks who was a renowned hitter of home runs. His name was 'Boog' Powell.
A bulky individual, 'Boog' could hit the ball for miles, but when he started to run he could barely reach second base. His running speed could best be described as leisurely. Of course, the lads immediately spotted the resemblance. 'He's about as quick as you, Cyril,' they chuckled. From that day I was known as 'Boog'. Even now, when I meet Billy Bonds, he'll greet me with, 'Boog, how are you?'
The baseball aficionados among you will know that John Wesley 'Boog' Powell was a major league first baseman for the Orioles, the Cleveland Indians and LA Dodgers. These days he runs his own restaurant in Baltimore – Boog's Barbecue. He's 6ft 4in and at his peak weighed nearly 17 stone. Of the many cruelties inflicted on me by team-mates at Upton Park few matched the day they likened my pace to that of 'Boog' Powell!
The other thing I remember in particular from that trip to the States was having my first taste of Scotch. I never touched alcohol. It wasn't a moral thing. I just never liked the taste of anything I tried. I like Coke and still do. During our time away, Peter Bennett's wife had a baby. All the lads met to have a drink and toast the new arrival.
We had an uncompromising Scottish centre-half called John Cushley with us. Ron Greenwood had signed him from Glasgow Celtic for £25,000 to strengthen our defence. John liked a drink and after he'd had a few he wasn't a man you could reason with. He refused to allow me to wet the baby's head with a Coke. I had to have a Scotch and ginger ale.
Because of my aversion to alcohol many people thought I'd been brought up in a teetotal household. That isn't true. My mum and dad both had a drink from time to time. It wasn't taboo in my family. My mum liked a glass of sherry and my dad enjoyed a pint of beer. I tried but discovered early in life that it wasn't for me. I remember some of my young team-mates trying to lace my Coke, but I could always tell. I understand the pleasure drink gives other people; I'm not precious about it – I just prefer a Coke or a cup of tea.
Those summer trips to the States, introduced by Ron Greenwood shortly after he took over as manager in 1961, were an essential part of the team-building process and, in the days before West Ham qualified for European competition, provided vital experience against club sides from Brazil, Mexico, Germany and Italy. The manager believed that the knowledge gained on those trips was priceless. I don't think it was any coincidence that West Ham won the European Cup Winners' Cup at the first attempt. I don't think they would have achieved that without the experience of playing those foreign sides in America.
Apart from the experience of playing against foreign teams, I learned the importance of keeping yourself occupied on long trips away from home. Years later, of course, I had many long foreign trips with the England squad. When West Ham travelled I usually shared a room with Billy Bonds. The club would not allow the players to have single rooms because of the costs involved. Bill and I became friends soon after he joined West Ham from Charlton Athletic for £50,000 in 1967. I've always considered him to be the best signing in the club's history.
We always got on well together, enjoying the good times and sharing our worries. We played cards for days at a time and, if there was an hour to kill, I enjoyed a good novel. If there was ever any disagreement between us it was about what time the light should go out at night. He wanted the lights out, while I wanted to finish the chapter I was reading.
He was a bit like me in that he had a quiet, unassuming nature. Even though he was West Ham's captain for many years, he was not much of a socialiser and rarely enjoyed talking to the media. The instant a match ended he was on his way home. He was invariably first out of the dressing room and first into his car at Upton Park.
Had he pushed himself to the forefront more I believe he would have played for England. He's one of the best players of my generation never to have won an England cap. When Ron Greenwood took over as England manager he called up Bill but he had to withdraw when he suffered a pelvic strain. Then in May 1981 Ron selected him to play against Brazil at Wembley alongside young West Ham centre-half Alvin Martin. Ron had decided to give Alvin his international debut and thought Bill, also uncapped of course, would be a steadying influence. Sadly, two days before joining the squad Bill broke a rib in a collision with Phil Parkes in West Ham's last match of the season and missed out again.
Bill played a record 804 first-team games for West Ham in 21 seasons. When he finally retired as a player in 1988, aged 42, he was appointed the club's youth-team coach by long-serving manager John Lyall. Bill had been an inspirational figure in John's teams over the years and when John was sacked only one name featured on the radar for the majority of West Ham fans. But Bill was overlooked as John's successor and Lou Macari was the board's surprise choice as manager. Lou lasted just seven months and this time the job went to Billy Bonds. He managed the club, with mixed success, for four years, admitting that the demands of modern-day management could never compare with the pleasures of playing the game.
Bill's loyalty to West Ham inspired generations of players – including me – at a time when it wasn't unusual for a footballer to tie himself to one club for the greater part of his playing career. Bill is just one example, but there were many in my time. Bobby Charlton (Manchester United), David O'Leary (Arsenal), Ian Callaghan (Liverpool), Tony Brown (West Bromwich Albion), Steve Perryman (Tottenham), Terry Paine (Southampton), Jack Charlton (Leeds), Mick Mills (Ipswich), Neville Southall (Everton) and Ron Harris (Chelsea) are just a few of the big names that come to mind. In the modern game, players like Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes, who spent their entire careers with Manchester United, are rare.
There were times when my own loyalty to West Ham was tested. During the period when I was unable to pin down a regular first-team place, I occasionally wondered whether I would be better off, both financially and from a playing point of view, moving to a new club. In February 1971, for example, after a bit of a run in the first team, we were beaten 4-1 by Derby County at Upton Park. There was some dressing-room disarray at the time – Bobby Moore, Brian Dear, Clyde Best and Jimmy Greaves had all been axed from the starting line-up because of their nightclubbing exploits in Blackpool.
Much as expected, following the Derby County defeat Jimmy Lindsay and I were both dropped from the team by Ron Greenwood. For the next match, at Coventry, Moore and Greaves were reinstated and we won 1-0. I knew that I would have to wait my chance before getting back into the first team. Jimmy Lindsay, substitute against Coventry, was in the same position. He played only one more game for the club before being sold to Watford. I was out of the starting line-up for six months and when I went to see the manager he told me that as the club was in imminent danger of relegation – we finished 20th out of 22 – no player would be released from their contract.
He said that we would review the situation at the end of the season, at which point, we agreed, I would go on the transfer list. In those days this meant that your name was circulated to other clubs, informing them that you were available for transfer. I would like to claim that there was a rush to sign me. But there wasn't. I was never told anything officially at the time but learned later that Luton and Millwall considered making bids. As far as I know nothing materialised between the clubs. Had it done so I may well have been tempted to accept a move to a lower division. Neither club was in the First Division but I would happily have joined either to escape reserve-team football.
As it was I started the new season, 1971–72, where I finished the old season – in the reserves. The future looked bleak, particularly as Greenwood had chosen a centre-half, Tommy Taylor, to play in midfield. Tommy had signed from Leyton Orient for £75,000 the previous October and was given the number ten shirt on the opening day because the manager wanted Bobby Moore and Alan Stephenson as his centre-back partnership. It was also another example of the manager's reluctance to upset his big-name signings. A 1-0 home defeat to West Brom suggested that all was not right with his team selection that day. Four days later he fielded an unchanged team for the visit to Derby County. This time we were beaten 2-0.
Had the experiment with Tommy Taylor come off I may well have had no other option but to walk out of football and find another way to earn a living. But Greenwood recognised that it wasn't working and for the next game, away to Nottingham Forest, dropped Stephenson, moved Taylor back alongside Moore and recalled me in midfield. We lost 1-0 but our general play was more cohesive. The boss kept me in the team. We drew 0-0 with Ipswich and then beat Everton 1-0.
It was the turning point for me, the defining moment in my career at West Ham. In August 1971 I was on the point of walking out of the club. A few weeks later I was back in the team – and would stay there for the next 13 years. I was ever-present for the rest of 1971–72, playing a total of 54 matches, including the four-match League Cup semi-final epic against Stoke. To cap it all, I was voted Hammer of the Year. How fickle football can be!
Within a year I was one of the players Ron Greenwood couldn't be without. I played 44 first-team matches, scoring 11 goals, in 1972–73, unaware that I was being trailed by Brian Clough, the manager of league champions Derby County. He was also trying to sign Bobby Moore and judging by his later remarks about me I suspect I was very much the lightweight in the transaction.
Clough had long admired Bobby. Who didn't? One day in August 1973, right out of the blue, he contacted Ron Greenwood with a huge offer – £400,000 for Bobby Moore and Trevor Brooking. That was big money in those days. What Greenwood didn't know at the time was that Clough had already met Moore for lunch at The Churchill hotel, just off Oxford Street. Bobby said nothing to me but was obviously hooked on the idea of going to play for Derby.
Clough already had two outstanding centre-backs in Roy McFarland and Colin Todd – both England internationals – and Bobby wanted to know how, if he signed, the manager would fit all three of them into the team. 'I want to play young Todd at full-back so that he can watch and learn from a master,' said Clough.
Greenwood told Clough that neither Bobby nor I were available for sale, but that he would put the bid before West Ham's board of directors with his recommendation that they reject it. 'Call me next Monday evening after the board meeting and I'll tell you their decision,' Ron told Brian. The board would probably have liked to bank that amount of money but they had no hesitation in backing the manager. That, back then, was the way it worked. The manager had the final say. Greenwood waited for Clough's call. And waited. And waited. No call came. Two days later the story, probably leaked by Clough, was all over the newspapers. Bobby accused Ron of denying him a last chance to win a League Championship medal. That may have been true. Who knows? What I do know is that within a month of Clough's extraordinary bid to sign me and Bobby he was sacked by Derby County.
Like everyone else, I followed his career in the newspapers. He was one of the most outspoken figures in any walk of life in the seventies and had millions of fans who all thought he should have been made England manager. I think he was irked when the job went to Ron Greenwood in 1977 and, although Ron offered him the very important role of England Youth coach, Brian showed very little appetite for it. I suspect the job was a testing ground to see whether he could conform in the way the FA would have expected had he got the big job. If it was a test, he failed it.
He was the most opinionated of all the managers of his generation and was never slow to publicise his thoughts. In 1980 he was writing a column in the _Daily Express_ and used this platform to criticise me the day West Ham met Arsenal at Wembley in the FA Cup final. Borrowing a famous pre-fight quote used by Muhammad Ali's colourful corner-man Drew 'Bundini' Brown, Clough said of me: 'He floats like a butterfly and stings like one too!' What Brown had said of the great Ali before his 1964 fight with Sonny Liston was: 'Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee, the hands can't hit what the eye can't see.'
Clough had mangled one of the most memorable sporting quotes of that era to draw attention to the fact that, in his opinion, I wasn't punching my weight. Remember, this is the manager who had tried to sign me seven years earlier. He claimed that people were asking why it was that a team like West Ham could reach cup finals, but not perform as successfully in the league week after week. If people like me, he said, had played consistently well then West Ham would never have been relegated.
We had been relegated in 1978 and had just finished our second season in Division Two. We finished seventh, way off the three promotion places, and Arsenal, the FA Cup holders, were overwhelming favourites to win at Wembley. Happily, we beat the mighty Gunners 1-0 and as most West Ham fans of a certain age will recall I scored the goal. With my head!
I was puzzled by Clough's attack on me. His comments were due to appear in the newspaper on the morning of the match but, luckily for me, I was forewarned by a journalist friend, Peter Watson, who said that the _Express_ sports editor, Ken Lawrence, had asked him to tell me of Clough's criticism. I had written some cup final columns with Peter in the _Express_ that week and the sports editor didn't want me to think that his paper was being disloyal to me. So I knew what to expect when Clough's column appeared on the Saturday morning. Even so, I was disappointed by the claim that 'his lack of application and that of other players like him meant relegation for West Ham in the past and failure to win promotion this time'.
Years later he suggested in publications that I had asked him why he chose to criticise me in this way on the day of the FA Cup final. I think his memory must have been clouded on this issue because I would never have given him the satisfaction of even raising the subject with him. On matters of this sort I'd never allow my critics to believe that I was annoyed or, indeed, aware of what they had said. It's a personal policy I've always followed, both as a player and in my career since I retired as a player.
From my point of view, not a single word about what he had written was mentioned between us until 11 years later, long after I'd hung up my boots. It was January 1991 and I was working for the BBC as part of their match coverage team. I went to Selhurst Park with Barry Davies to cover Crystal Palace v Nottingham Forest in the third round of the FA Cup.
We were in the corridor outside the dressing rooms when Barry decided to go up to the TV gantry, leaving me alone. A couple of seconds later who should walk out of the Forest dressing room but their manager Brian Clough. He spotted me and quickly looked up and down the corridor. When he had satisfied himself that there was no one else around he walked up to me and said: 'Young man, I owe you an apology. I did you a disservice many years ago before a big cup final. I said something that I shouldn't have said. I was wrong and I apologise.'
He didn't linger for a reply. He turned and walked back to the dressing room. I was amazed that after all that time that he had taken the trouble to say sorry. He was someone I respected for his managerial achievements and it meant something that he had apologised for something that had happened so long ago. It must have been nagging at him for years. At least he had the good grace to admit he was wrong. To be honest, I don't know whether I would have enjoyed playing for Brian Clough had the opportunity come my way. I don't respond to the kind of abrasive treatment he used to hand out to some of his players. He had a reputation for being arrogant and a bully, but he was an outstanding motivator and there is no doubt that his two European Cup triumphs with Nottingham Forest made him one of the all-time great managers.
Another of the managerial giants of my time in football was interested in signing me in 1974. Bill Nicholson, whose Tottenham team were the first in the twentieth century to achieve the fabled league and FA Cup double in 1961, had a reputation for building fine teams that played good football. Spurs, of course, had been serious contenders for my signature when I was still a schoolboy.
I knew, though, that new signings – Terry Venables and Alan Mullery, for instance – sometimes struggled to satisfy the demands of the White Hart Lane fans. I also figured that Bill was coming towards the end of his illustrious career. But he believed he could build one last great team and I was flattered to be in his thoughts. He had heard that I was involved in a contract dispute with West Ham. People knew I was easy-going, so they assumed matters were serious when I dug my heels in and sought the support of the Professional Footballers' Association.
Derek Dougan, the tall, eloquent former Wolves and Northern Ireland striker, who became a very strident and successful PFA chairman, supported my case and proved to be a very useful ally and advisor. In those days most professional footballers were offered a contract with an option – one-year contract with a one-year option, or two years with a two-year option and so on. I was offered a 'two-and-two' by West Ham. This meant that if they chose to exercise the option at the end of the first two years they couldn't offer any less than my existing salary but were not obliged to offer any more. In essence it meant that they could lock me into the same salary for four years.
As I was now a regular first-team player and had just broken into the England team I felt that it would be unwise to commit myself to the same wages for the next four years. I'd happily sign a one-and-one but the club were holding out for a two-and-two.
We reached an impasse. It was an important contract at that stage of my career and I wasn't going to be bullied into agreeing a deal that didn't suit me. The club took the case to an independent tribunal where Derek represented me. He suggested a compromise – a two-and-two with an escape clause after the first two years. Neither the club nor I realised such a clause was permissible, but it was, and so we agreed the terms of my new contract. My old contract had expired in July. It was now October. Like a good trades union negotiator, Derek argued that West Ham should backdate my pay rise to the expiry date of the old contract. West Ham were reluctant, but finally agreed. It was a nice little bonus! Back then the clubs held the upper hand in negotiations of that sort. Today it has switched around completely and the players, and their agents, are in the driving seat.
I always did my own negotiating and at no time in my career did I have anyone representing me in the way that agents do today. But there was one man, Jack Turner, who was very helpful early in my career at West Ham. A former insurance broker, Jack worked with West Ham from 1950 to 1966. Initially he was involved in the administration of the houses owned by the club and rented to players. He became close to many of the players and acted as an agent and advisor to Phil Woosnam and then Bobby Moore. He helped me with financial advice and provided encouragement during the time I was in and out of the first team. He also introduced me to the concept of promotion and marketing and would occasionally get me a paid job, like a shop opening, for which he took 10 per cent of the fee.
By the time my dispute with West Ham had finally been resolved, my chances of joining Spurs had all but gone. The reason? Bill Nicholson, the manager for 16 years, had quit, a sad and disillusioned figure. 'Players have become impossible,' he said. 'I'm abused when they come to see me. There is no longer any respect.'
That autumn when West Ham met Tottenham Terry Neill, the Hull and Northern Ireland manager and former Arsenal captain, was in charge of the Spurs side. It was his first game as manager. I was recalled to the team after missing four matches with a broken nose. Spurs won 2-1 and we slumped to the bottom of the table, having won only one of our first seven games of the 1974–75 season.
The Tottenham–West Ham 'derby' fixture is among the highlights of the season but this one was unusual. For years the two managers in the dugout had been Billy Nicholson and Ron Greenwood. Over the years they had become friends. Now, though, times were changing. Bill had resigned. A few weeks earlier Ron had stood down as manager of West Ham after 13 years, handing over the first-team reins to his assistant John Lyall. Ron stayed on at Upton Park as general manager and later offered Bill a job as chief scout.
It was an extraordinary season that started with the dismissal of two of the game's great names, Kevin Keegan (Liverpool) and Billy Bremner (Leeds), in the FA Charity Shield match at Wembley. The FA handed out unprecedented punishments. Both players were fined £500 and banned for ten games for removing their shirts, throwing them to the ground and thus bringing the game into disrepute.
The Leeds United manager at the time was Brian Clough. He had walked out on Brighton, who immediately issued a writ, a few weeks before the Charity Shield. He lasted just 44 days at Elland Road before they sacked him. The rumour-mongers insisted that he had been forced out by the players. There were plenty of other surprises that autumn. Dave Sexton was sacked after seven years as Chelsea manager and Liverpool's Bill Shankly ended a 15-year reign and was replaced by Bob Paisley, who would lead them through a golden era during his decade at the helm.
Paisley was in charge when several of his players, all England colleagues of mine, began to suggest to me that I might like to move to Anfield. This kind of thing happened often during international get-togethers. It was the spring of 1978 and Liverpool were the defending European champions. Clough was about to win the First Division title with Nottingham Forest and West Ham were about to be relegated.
We had struggled for a couple of seasons and I knew that if we were relegated my England place might be in jeopardy. Ron Greenwood had been England manager for a year and his squad included several Liverpool players, such as Ray Clemence, Phil Neal, Terry McDermott and Ray Kennedy. Two of my closest England pals were Kevin Keegan and Emlyn Hughes. I would spend hours playing cards with them.
Some of them had played in my testimonial match – West Ham v an England XI at the Boleyn Ground in October 1977 (programme 15p). Ron had used the match to help prepare his team for a vital World Cup qualifier against Italy at Wembley a fortnight later. A crowd of 23,220 supported me that night, contributing around £30,000 to my testimonial fund. I was touched that so many had turned up. They watched West Ham win 6-2 – Derek Hales scored a hat-trick in ten minutes – and saw a really outstanding youngster who would later make a big name for himself with England, the Crystal Palace left-back Kenny Sansom.
West Ham had spent most of 1977–78 in the bottom three, the relegation places, and inevitably when a club went down there was speculation about whether they would sell their best players. Everyone accepted this and there was a lot of talk about my future as the season approached a climax. Liverpool's interest was flattering but, to be honest, I was more concerned with keeping West Ham in Division One.
We staged a fantastic late revival, winning six of our last nine matches. The critical one was the final match – against Liverpool at Upton Park. We needed to win to have a chance of staying up. But we lost 2-0, Liverpool scoring through Terry McDermott and David Fairclough. Wolves had two matches to play and if they lost them we would be safe. But they beat Aston Villa on 2 May and we were relegated.
If I needed an excuse to leave Upton Park, relegation was it. But I loved the club and I felt I owed it to the fans to stay. I wasn't sure what was going to happen. I was concerned about my England place but Ron Greenwood reassured me on that score. Even so, there were many other good reasons why it would make sense to go to a club like Liverpool. They were the best side in Europe. They were about to win the European Cup for the second consecutive season.
But I wanted to help West Ham bounce back. I owed a debt of gratitude to the fans. They had always been good to me. I decided that my duty was to stay and help them get back to Division One. Had you told me then that we would spend three years in Division Two I might have felt differently. But I wasn't to know that those three years would produce the most fruitful and rewarding period of my time at the club.
#### CHAPTER 5
#### GOOD TIMES
THE LATE DANNY BLANCHFLOWER, an inspirational captain of Tottenham and Northern Ireland in the fifties and sixties, always relished the atmosphere of a big London derby at Upton Park. 'West Ham get twenty-six thousand cockneys turning up every week and they all sing "Bubbles" on good days and bad, and they don't believe any other club exists,' he once said. He was a bit of a romantic, Danny, but I think he was probably right!
Blanchflower explained his personal recollections of the bond between West Ham and the supporters in Charles Korr's excellent 1986 history of the club, _West Ham United: The Making of a Football Club_. As a boy who had played his earliest football around the lampposts in the back streets of Belfast he knew how passionately local communities in working-class areas identified with their football teams.
In those days in London's East End, and probably in the Belfast docklands, too, football was an escape from the grim realities of daily life. For a couple of hours on a Saturday afternoon the working man could temporarily put his problems to one side and join his mates in the Chicken Run at Upton Park. At one stage the club directors formally considered a scheme whereby the unemployed would be allowed to attend matches without charge. After much discussion this was finally rejected because it was feared the system might be abused.
Even when I was a child, street football was the only amusement for many of the local kids, who dreamed of one day pulling on the claret and blue shirt. It was an accepted article of faith that West Ham was a club built on the foundation of local talent. We all wanted to be part of that dream, part of the extended family of local lads who progressed through the ranks and eventually had the honour of representing the East End on a Saturday afternoon.
Although this was the case when I was a youngster, it had been very different earlier in the club's history. West Ham supporters relived the thrills of their FA Cup run in 1923 for decades, but the truth is that most of the star names in the team that lost 2-0 to Bolton Wanderers in the first Wembley final were from the provinces. Billy Moore and Billy Henderson were from the North-east, George Kay from Manchester, Jimmy Ruffell from Barnsley, Vic Watson from Cambridgeshire and the goalkeeper Ted Hufton from Nottinghamshire.
The club, formed in 1895 by Arnold F. Hills, owner of Thames Ironworks, was more than half a century old before it made any sustained effort to attract local players to Upton Park. But when they did they tapped into a rich and deep vein of talent. Ted Fenton, who in 1950 became only the third manager in the club's history, immediately recognised the need for a change of direction. He instigated a youth policy that produced rapid results.
In 1957 West Ham reached the final of the FA Youth Cup for the first time, repeating the feat two years later, with London youngsters like Bobby Moore, Eddie Bovington and Jack Burkett, who were to graduate to the 1964 FA Cup-winning team. Inevitably, a sense of unity and team spirit took root among these local lads. The fans loved the fact that here, at last, was some success, achieved with boys from their own streets. The team that beat Preston 3-2 in the 1964 final was made up of players from the London area, or Essex, apart from two – Geoff Hurst, born in Lancashire, and Johnny Byrne, born in West Horsley, Surrey.
In 1964 I discovered that the party atmosphere in the East End when West Ham were involved on Cup final day was wonderful – flags, bunting, parades, street parties, a knees-up in every pub. It was then, and still is, an experience to be treasured. West Ham had waited a long time to go back to Wembley. Generations of fans had suffered the gloating of more successful local rivals like Arsenal and Spurs.
Wembley must have seemed a distant dream on Boxing Day 1963 when West Ham lost 8-2 to Blackburn Rovers at Upton Park. Two days later manager Ron Greenwood made one change for the return holiday fixture at Ewood Park. With Eddie Bovington replacing Martin Peters in the side, West Ham not only gained revenge, winning 3-1, but discovered a cup-winning combination that remained unchanged in the FA Cup for the rest of the season and eliminated Manchester United in the semi-final.
Many in football and the media considered West Ham to be an 'unfashionable' club. But that victory over Preston gave them status. West Ham already had a reputation for playing attractive, attacking football, but now they could entertain – and win. I was a spectator at Wembley in 1964, but 11 years later I was on the pitch when West Ham won the FA Cup for the second time.
Once again West Ham's cup-winning team reflected the close bond with the local community. Only two of the 11 players were not from London or Essex. Graham Paddon came from Manchester and the FA Cup hero that season, Alan Taylor, came from Hinckley, Leicestershire. Perhaps even more significant is the fact that this West Ham team is the last all-English side to win the FA Cup.
It may be, of course, that an all-English team will never again win the FA Cup. The fact that around 70 per cent of the players currently in the Premier League are foreign obviously means that fewer and fewer English boys have the chance to play in the FA Cup final. Foreign players have been very good for the English game. There's no doubt in my mind that they have raised the quality, but their numbers have increased to a level that is now worrying. In my view a high percentage of them are simply not good enough, but they are blocking the progress of home-grown players. We now have a bloated system that is restricting the development of good English youngsters.
In 1975 all the players in the top division were English, Irish, Scottish or Welsh. Even the occasional foreign-born player, such as Ipswich Town's Colin Viljoen who was born in Johannesburg, qualified to play for England. As it turned out, Viljoen was one of the obstacles we had to overcome that season on our way to Wembley. To be fair, there were plenty of obstacles at the time. The previous season West Ham had just avoided relegation by a single point and Hereford had famously knocked us out of the FA Cup in the third round. Ron Greenwood, manager for 13 years, had stepped aside, and his assistant John Lyall had taken over. It was a period of transition.
Happily for us, Ron stayed at the club in a scouting and consultancy role and recognised the fact that the playing squad needed strengthening. He went about the task with great diligence and persistence. Perhaps the production line in the East End was in decline because Ron found the men we needed outside London. He signed Alan Taylor from Rochdale for £45,000 – a substantial fee for a Fourth Division player – Keith Robson for £60,000 from Newcastle, and Billy Jennings for £115,000 from Watford.
What a difference they made that year. They all chipped in with goals and top-quality performances as we headed towards Wembley. We beat Southampton 2-1 in the third round and then faced Swindon at Upton Park. The last time we'd met in the FA Cup was in 1964 when West Ham won and went on to Wembley. A repeat looked likely when Jennings put us in front but Peter Eastoe equalised with seven minutes to go and earned a replay.
Swindon took the lead in the replay but my diving header – yes, a diving header – and a late winner from Pat Holland secured a fifth-round home tie against Queens Park Rangers. When we played our London rivals, the Rangers goalkeeper Phil Parkes, who joined West Ham four years later, was in outstanding form and we had to be at our best to beat him. Dave Clement, capitalising on a mishit backpass from Keith Robson, gave Rangers the lead but Holland equalised and then Billy Jennings and I set up Robson for the goal that redeemed his earlier mistake and gave us a quarter-final with Arsenal at Highbury.
I must have played well against Rangers because the following morning's newspapers were full of praise. One said that I had 'inspired West Ham to win a superb match much more comprehensively than the score suggests'. I thought Robson was our best player that day. He was a real talent with a terrific left foot. He was capable of scoring magnificent goals and, had it not been for his temperament, would have become one of the game's top players. He was sometimes reckless, though, on and off the field. He liked a drink, too, and could be very, very funny. He could always be relied upon to liven up the dressing room and in that sense reminded me of my old England team-mate Terry McDermott. Sadly, he missed the semi-final and final because he failed to take advice and rest a thigh muscle injury. He was devastated to miss out on the big day at Wembley and was even more upset when told that he would not qualify for a winner's medal because he had not appeared in the final. He'd promised his dad, Thomas, a winner's medal. Ron Greenwood tried to console him by telling him that he would win a European Cup Winners' Cup medal the following season. Although we got to the final and Keith played, and scored a goal, we were beaten – so he was still without a winner's medal . . . I saw him not so long ago and he said: 'You won't believe it, Trevor, but I'm a real sensible dad now!'
What gave us an edge in the Arsenal game was the introduction of Alan Taylor. John Lyall decided to give him his first start in the FA Cup because he figured that he could use his speed to exploit the left side of Arsenal's defence, where Bob McNab was nearing the end of a long and distinguished career. John was right. Bob couldn't catch him, nor could Peter Simpson or Terry Mancini. Alan was a lovely bloke and became a big favourite with West Ham fans. Everyone called him 'Sparrow' because he was little more than a bag of bones. There was nothing of him, but he was the fastest player in the club. That's what caught all the opposition out in the second half of that season. We'd clip the ball in behind the defence and he'd chase it. He also worked well with Billy Jennings, who was a good target man and finished the season as our top scorer with 14 goals.
Bill was a confident lad who settled quickly. He was single and a trendy dresser, and he and Keith Robson, who was also single, became good pals. They liked a night out but they were both fully committed on the pitch. Bill's great strength, considering he wasn't that tall for a central striker, was his ability to spring high and then hang in the air. He, Keith and Alan Taylor gave us all sorts of fresh attacking options. Alan came from Rochdale, and there were no airs and graces with him. It's extraordinary to think that within five months of leaving Rochdale, in the Fourth Division, he was scoring two goals in the FA Cup final.
We were fortunate to play Arsenal when we did because there was some dressing-room discord at the time and their manager Bertie Mee was locked in a dispute with the former World Cup star Alan Ball. It was obvious that Arsenal were not mentally prepared for the match. Even so, no one expected us to win. Alan Taylor gave us the lead after 15 minutes, prodding home a chipped pass from Graham Paddon. Then we had a lucky escape. Frank Lampard under-hit a backpass that stuck in the mud. Arsenal's John Radford slipped it past the oncoming Mervyn Day, only to be bowled over by the goalkeeper as he tried to reach it. Despite Arsenal's appeals, referee Ken Burns waved play on.
Immediately after the restart, 'Sparrow' netted his second goal with a fierce right-foot shot from my pass. I remember thinking how fortunate we were that Ron Greenwood had had the foresight to insist that Alan should not be cup-tied before West Ham signed him. Having got such a good return from his first game John Lyall decided to keep Alan in the team. What a good move! He scored in his next two games, and by the time he faced Ipswich at Villa Park in the FA Cup semi-final his confidence was sky high. Ipswich had developed as an accomplished and talented team under Bobby Robson. But they were wracked by injury, having played six matches in the previous 15 days. The situation for them actually worsened during the match when they lost both centre-backs, Kevin Beattie and Allan Hunter, and had to move striker Trevor Whymark into defence.
We couldn't capitalise on this disarray and would have lost had it not been for a goal-line clearance by Billy Jennings in injury time. Even with their problems Ipswich were the better team, but it ended goalless – just about what a poor game deserved. We met again four days later at Stamford Bridge and, once more, Ipswich outplayed us for long periods. They pummelled us. They had two goals disallowed before Alan Taylor's far-post header gave us the lead. Just before the end he scored his second, meeting a John Wark headed clearance with a drive that skidded on the ice and went in off a post.
In the dressing room afterwards we were all scratching our heads, wondering how we had got to the final. The other semi-finalists, Fulham and Birmingham, were in extra time at Maine Road. We were praying that Fulham from Division Two would get through. Suddenly a steward burst into the room and said: 'Fulham scored fifteen seconds from the final whistle.' Fulham were managed by one of the most respected personalities in the game – Alec Stock. He had gathered a talented and vastly experienced team that included two England captains: our former West Ham colleague Bobby Moore and the former Spurs skipper Alan Mullery. They had already beaten us once that season, 2-1 in the third round of the League Cup at Craven Cottage.
It was only the second all-London final in history – the first was Spurs–Chelsea in 1967, when Mullery had played for Spurs – and sadly it was no classic. We all thought that, once again, the speed of Alan Taylor would be a key element in the tactical battle. Bobby Moore, though still a fine player at 35, had lost some pace and his centre-back partner John Lacy was not the quickest either. Alan was in his element but this time he was gifted his two goals by the Fulham goalkeeper, Peter Mellor. Perhaps the tension of the occasion undermined his confidence, but his mistakes gave us the cup. Mistakes by outfield players are often eclipsed by other incidents whereas mistakes by goalkeepers tend to stick in the memory. The goalkeeper is so exposed. He has little time to redeem his error and the consequences can haunt him for a lifetime.
Sadly, not much about the match itself lingers in the memory apart from the 2-0 scoreline, a couple of fine saves by Mervyn Day from John Mitchell and the fact that a standing ticket cost £1.50. You can't get a cup of tea for that nowadays! I've never forgotten, though, all the details of the day that followed. After the match we had a big party in a west London hotel and the next day we drove in an open-top coach through the streets of the East End. People who knew said it was the best party in east London since VE Day. It took us hours to edge through the crowds thronging the streets from Stratford to East Ham Town Hall where the mayor was holding a reception for us. The noise, colour and carnival atmosphere of the occasion will stay with me forever.
One notable absentee was Ron Greenwood, who had done so much over the years to bring about this success for West Ham. Asked afterwards why he didn't go he said simply: 'It was John Lyall's day.' The win over Fulham qualified West Ham for a place in the 1975–76 Cup Winners' Cup – a first taste of European football for ten years. The 1964 FA Cup winners had won the Cup Winners' Cup the following season and, as defending champions, had reached the semi-finals in 1965–66. A few weeks before the World Cup, Moore, Hurst, Peters and colleagues were beaten 5-2 on aggregate by a very talented Borussia Dortmund of West Germany – the club's last experience of European football.
Ron Greenwood was in charge then but now it was John Lyall's job to prepare us for the challenge of Europe. None of us had experienced European football previously so it was an exciting prospect, providing we didn't allow it to undermine our chances in the First Division and in the domestic cup competitions.
We started well enough in front of 4,587 fans in Helsinki's huge Olympic Stadium. Billy Bonds and I scored to secure a 2-2 draw with Lahden Reipas and a fortnight later we beat them comfortably 3-0 at Upton Park. The second-round draw against Ararat Yerevan of the USSR meant a long plane journey to one of the world's oldest cities. Founded in 782 BC, Ararat is thought by many to be the resting place of Noah's Ark after the Flood. I wasn't particularly interested in the historic significance of the city, or anything else for that matter, because within hours of arriving I'd picked up a bug that produced sickness and diarrhoea on a biblical scale. We drew 1-1 in front of 66,662 fans and although I was well enough to play in the return leg – a 3-1 win – the sickness kept returning over a period of two months.
This meant that I missed the first leg of the quarter-final with the Dutch team Den Haag. We were 4-0 down in 40 minutes. It was a frustrating match, not helped by the bizarre refereeing of the East German, Rudi Glockner. He had refereed the 1970 World Cup final, so he was no slouch with the whistle. But some of his officiating was eccentric and one of the strangest moments came when he stopped the match and ordered Kevin Lock to pull up his socks. He wouldn't restart the game until he was sure that Kevin had used tie-ups to keep his socks in place.
I was at home listening to the match on the radio and had to switch it off when the Dutch scored their fourth. I didn't know until later that Billy Jennings had scored twice to make it a 4-2 defeat – a result that ensured the return at Upton Park would be a tense occasion. Indeed, that night we made a great start and were 3-0 up in 38 minutes. But the Dutch drew level on aggregate when Lex Schoenmaker scored with 30 minutes remaining. It was an anxious finish but we hung on to qualify for a semi-final place on the away-goals rule.
We met Eintracht Frankfurt in the semi-final with the first leg in West Germany. We couldn't have made a better start because after just nine minutes Graham Paddon hit one of his 30-yard specials that flew into the net, thus maintaining our record of scoring in every away game. The Germans pulled it back, scoring either side of half time, but they knew they really needed a bigger advantage than 2-1 to overcome us at Upton Park.
The second leg was a truly enthralling match and provided me with one of the best memories of my career. Eintracht were a good side and Mervyn Day was in fine form early on – and needed to be. More than 39,000 had squeezed into Upton Park and the place was rocking. It was one of the great European nights and I was happy to make a significant contribution to our 3-1 win, having missed important games because of my illness. I scored twice, one a header, and set up Keith Robson, who curled one in. Right at the end Tommy Taylor cleared the ball off the line. A 3-2 win would have seen us go out.
So, a big European final beckoned but we were very conscious of the fact that our domestic form had not matched our success in Europe. Back in November, when we played Ararat in Armenia, we were top of the First Division and firing on all cylinders. But we didn't win one of our final 16 First Division matches and we finished a disappointing 18th in the table.
After our final league match of the season, a 2-0 defeat against Everton, Billy Bonds apologised to the fans on behalf of the team. Nonetheless, thousands of them travelled to Brussels a fortnight later for the European final against Anderlecht. The fact that it was to be played in Anderlecht's Parc Astrid stadium gave our opponents a big advantage. Anderlecht were a class act with far more European experience than us. Their best player was the Dutchman Robbie Rensenbrink but they also had the gifted Belgian international Francois Van der Elst, later signed by John Lyall for West Ham.
We weren't overawed, though, and took the lead through Patsy Holland after 29 minutes. Unfortunately, Frank Lampard mishit a backpass and Rensenbrink pounced to equalise. Frank's studs got caught in the long grass and he had to go off with a groin injury that later required a pelvic operation. Van der Elst put Anderlecht in front and although Keith Robson equalised in the 69th minute, late goals from Rensenbrink and Van der Elst, again, gave the cup to the Belgian side. I thought we had played well in difficult circumstances, but I knew that I had been below my best in the second half. I had a badly bruised leg as the result of a tackle by Ludo Coeck. We collided heavily and he probably came off worse because he had to be substituted. He was a talented player and I've never forgotten him. He later played for Inter but in 1985, at the age of 30, he crashed his BMW and died two days later.
Losing to Anderlecht was one of the biggest disappointments in my career but it was nothing like the despair that engulfed us when we were relegated from Division One. To be fair it had been creeping up on us. We finished 18th in the 22-club First Division in 1976, 17th in 1977 and 20th in 1978. With three going down, we were relegated with Newcastle and Leicester. I had the consolation of being voted Hammer of the Year, but it wasn't much comfort.
After a 20-year run in the top division relegation was a terrible blow to the club, the fans, the players and manager John Lyall. He tried to keep it in perspective. I remember him talking about a telephone call he'd received from the actress Billie Whitelaw, whose young son was a West Ham fan. She was an established star of stage and screen but she told John that she had reached a point in her career where she was no longer examining the qualities of her own performances. She simply took them for granted. She told John that she had decided to move into provincial rep for a while and make herself work a little harder with people perhaps not quite so efficient or professional.
She said it was like moving from the First Division to the Second in football and she found working in smaller theatres a refreshing and stimulating experience. She was able to look at her career in a new light and move forward. John pointed out that she had made the decision consciously while we hadn't, but we might find it had the same effect.
There was little immediate sign of recovery in 1978–79 – Fourth Division Newport County beat us 2-1 in the third round of the FA Cup – but the following season provided the greatest memory of my career. I refer, of course, to my headed goal in the FA Cup final win over Arsenal at Wembley. It was the highlight of my club career. Everyone seems to remember it. I've played in greater games and scored better goals but the occasion made it especially memorable. I have always been a deeply committed supporter of the FA Cup. It is an institution, globally recognised and one of the blue-chip events in the sporting calendar.
In January 1980 when we began our run to the FA Cup final only Frank Lampard, Pat Holland, Billy Bonds and myself remained from the 1975 team. The game was beginning to change – even at West Ham. We had two new defenders – Ray Stewart, a Scottish full-back signed from Dundee United, and centre-half Alvin Martin, who had worked his way through the youth ranks. But he was originally from Bootle, on Merseyside. There were other new additions, none from London. Phil Parkes, who John had bought in a world record-breaking deal for a goalkeeper, came from Sedgley in the West Midlands. Stuart Pearson, the England striker, joined us from Manchester United but was originally from Hull. David Cross, signed from West Brom for £180,000, was from Heywood in Lancashire.
The strong London flavour, once deeply entrenched in the West Ham dressing room, was beginning to fade. Since Ted Fenton's day, Wally St Pier had provided the club with a stream of good young players from the London area. A big man with a smile and a warm handshake, he was one of the best-known figures on the scouting scene in London and the South-east. He'd played briefly for the club but made his name as a scout. One or two slipped past him, including Terry Venables, who went to Chelsea as a youth. 'Wally was like your granddad,' Terry once said. 'When I signed for Chelsea the only thing that bothered me was that Wally would be upset.'
Wally spent 40 years at West Ham and never lost his touch. The supply line simply slowed. Instead of the cockneys dominating, we now had accents from Lancashire, the Midlands and elsewhere in the provinces echoing around the dressing room. Very often the loudest voice was that of the biggest man – Phil Parkes. He was full of himself, and rightly so, after we drew 1-1 with West Brom at the Hawthorns in the third round of the FA Cup.
He was quite magnificent that day and produced one of the best performances of his career. The finest of his many saves came when he pushed a low shot from Derek Statham against a post. Stuart Pearson's header gave us a 33rd-minute lead but Cyrille Regis equalised in the 90th minute. In the replay Geoff Pike was moved from midfield to makeshift striker and played a blinder. He scored our first goal in the 53rd minute and I added another just before the end to give us a 2-1 win.
I missed the fourth-round tie against Leyton Orient at Brisbane Road because of a groin strain. Our physio Rob Jenkins tried desperately to get me fit, even applying a hot potato wrapped in a sock to the damaged muscle! It didn't help. The match against our Second Division neighbours was a potential banana skin but we emerged as 3-2 winners with Ray Stewart claiming two of our goals.
I was back in the side for the fifth round at home to Swansea. Late goals from Paul Allen and David Cross gave us a 2-0 victory and a quarter-final tie against Aston Villa at Upton Park. The drama in this match was confined to the dying seconds, when Villa defender Ken McNaught was penalised for handling my corner. Had I been a Villa player I would not have been happy with the decision to award a penalty. But we were given our chance in the last minute. Ray Stewart didn't miss from the penalty spot. He successfully converted 81 of 86 spot kicks taken during his time with West Ham. Our overall performance said a lot about the way this group of players had evolved and developed as a team. Villa were enjoying a terrific spell and the following season, of course, won the First Division title and followed that with their European Cup triumph. We more than matched them in the quarter-final and still believe we thoroughly deserved our victory despite the dispute at the time.
It was a narrow 1-0 victory but enough to put us in the semi-final draw with Everton, Liverpool and Arsenal. We were obviously the underdogs and we wanted Everton. That's how the draw worked out. We were also delighted that our tie was to be staged at Villa Park, where we had played our semi-final in 1975. The match itself was a highly charged thriller that tested the referee Colin Seel. I was amazed when he awarded a penalty against Alan Devonshire for a tackle on Andy King. It was a mistake and a costly one for us because Brian Kidd scored from the spot in the 42nd minute. Kidd was later sent off following a fracas with Ray Stewart, and Trevor Ross was fortunate to escape expulsion when he hacked me down. Our one-man advantage eventually told and in the 70th minute Stuart Pearson side-footed home my cross for the equaliser.
The replay, at Elland Road, was just as dramatic. Goalless after 90 minutes, Alan Devonshire scored the opening goal four minutes into extra time. The former England striker Bob Latchford, recalled to replace the suspended Kidd, equalised with a diving header in the 113th minute. A second replay looked imminent until I centred to David Cross, who headed the ball towards the penalty spot. Who should pop up but Frank Lampard, whose header had just enough power to beat Martin Hodge and secure us a place at Wembley.
Frank was so overjoyed that he immediately raced to a corner flag and danced around it – an often repeated piece of newsreel film. In the dressing room afterwards we all wondered how he had managed to be up in attack at the time. 'Parkesy' joked in his booming voice that Frank had got stuck up there simply because he didn't have the energy to return to his position at full-back.
We celebrated our triumph without knowing who we would face on the big day. Arsenal and Liverpool required four matches to determine which of them would face us at Wembley. Arsenal eventually won the third replay at Highfield Road with a goal from Brian Talbot. It was their third consecutive final and they were the FA Cup holders, having beaten Manchester United 3-2 in a classic final the previous year.
Once again we were the underdogs, up against an Arsenal side that was close to exhaustion. In addition to 42 First Division matches, they had played eight in the European Cup Winners' Cup, seven in the League Cup and ten in getting to the final of the FA Cup. Four days after their date with us they had to play Valencia in Brussels in the final of the Cup Winners' Cup. That season they played 69 first-team matches – but won nothing. Talbot played in all of them.
Our win against Arsenal at Wembley was a tactical triumph for John Lyall. Either he or his scout Eddie Baily had watched three of the four games against Liverpool and come to the conclusion that the best way to unhinge Arsenal's defence was to take one of our strikers out of the front line. This meant that either David O'Leary or Willie Young, Arsenal's two centre-backs, would have no one to mark.
John decided to withdraw Stuart Pearson from our attack and play him in a free role in midfield. Within minutes of the kick-off, O'Leary was complaining to the Arsenal bench that he had no one to mark. David Cross was our lone striker and he did a wonderful job working his way back and forth across the Arsenal back four. They were marking one man while we outnumbered them in midfield.
It was a strategy that worked well for us and although it wasn't a classic game it was a wonderful occasion. It was as if the East End had moved to Wembley. It was lovely to hear the West Ham anthem echoing around the rafters of the old stadium. 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles' is one of the most easily recognisable of all the football chants. I've always considered it a strange choice of song for such a tough part of London but, apparently, it was introduced to the club's fans by the former West Ham manager, Charlie Paynter.
It was a popular American music hall song, first published in 1919, and Paynter took a liking to it when he heard his friend Cornelius Beal, a schoolteacher, singing it. Beal ran a schoolboy football team and one of his players, Billy 'Bubbles' Murray, looked like the boy in the famous _Bubbles_ painting by Millais that was used in a Pears soap advertisement at the time. Beal used to sing 'Bubbles' every time Murray and his team won a match.
Whatever the origins of the association with West Ham, the song has certainly been around since I was a boy and that day at Wembley it filled us with pride and a sense of belonging. To be honest, I hadn't been too confident about the outcome of the match. When I left home to join the squad the day before, my daughter Collette asked: 'Are you going to score a goal for me, Daddy?'
I said I'd try, but I knew it was a long shot. As it turned out, it was a header after just 13 minutes that took everyone by surprise, me included. I remember the goal as clear as day. We'd won the ball in midfield and got it out to Alan Devonshire on the left, and his acceleration carried him past Talbot and Pat Rice. He got to the by-line and crossed, trying to keep the ball away from Pat Jennings. An outstanding goalkeeper, Pat stretched and just got a touch but the ball fell at the feet of David Cross on the right of the goal. I was moving towards the six-yard box when Dave's shot was blocked by Young. The ball bounced out to Pearson who was at the corner of the 18-yard box on the right of the goal.
At this point I admit that an element of good fortune was involved. Like any striker in that position, Stuart decided to shoot rather than pass to a team-mate. More often than not, of course, they don't hit the target – and Stuart was no exception on this occasion. It was my good luck that his shot was dragged across the penalty box, hurtling in my direction. Instinctively, I knew that if I stood still it would just miss me on the right-hand side, so simply by falling backwards I was able to divert the ball with my head towards the goal. The power of Stuart's shot was such that not even Pat Jennings or the two full-backs on the line could stop it.
I've explained my role in this goal many times over the last 30-odd years. Even today, within minutes of climbing into a London taxi – almost all the cabbies are, it seems, Arsenal fans – I'm asked to confirm that the ball simply hit me on the head and bounced into the net. I always enjoy telling them the true story! Such was the confusion at the time, and the disbelief that I'd actually scored with my head, that even the revered ITV broadcaster Brian Moore got it wrong in his live commentary. He initially gave the goal to Stuart Pearson but told me later that, in the half-time break, he had to voice over his original commentary to correct the error and acknowledge me as the goalscorer.
So, as the ball flew into the net, the goalscorer – me – had a quick look at the referee to make sure he wasn't blowing for some offence and then raced off towards the touchline with arms raised. Billy Bonds grabbed me, demanding: 'What are you doing scoring with your head?'
I was the match winner, but for me the real West Ham hero that day was Paul Allen. At 17 years and 256 days Paul became the youngest ever Wembley finalist, taking the record from Howard Kendall who had played for Preston against West Ham in 1964. One of a large footballing family, Paul worked tirelessly in midfield and shackled Liam Brady so effectively that the little Irishman was unable to repeat the damage he'd inflicted on Manchester United in the previous final. Liam, who later played for West Ham, likes time to pick his passes but Paul denied him that. He very nearly scored a second goal for us with just minutes remaining. He broke free and was bearing down on goal when he was tripped from behind by Willie Young. Referee George Courtney flourished a yellow card for what was generally regarded as a 'professional foul' in those days. In the modern game Willie would have been sent off. Paul? He jumped up and in front of a global TV audience simply shook Willie's hand, securing for himself a special niche in the history of the FA Cup.
Such was my jubilation in the dressing room at the end of the match that I allowed myself a sip of champagne! A few hours later, after the club's official banquet at the Grosvenor House hotel in west London, I was having a late dinner with family and friends at the Inn on the Park when a bottle of champagne arrived with the compliments of some Sunderland fans sitting at a nearby table. They explained that a 'heavy night' might slow me down when West Ham played at Roker Park two days later. As it happened 47,129 fans turned up to watch Sunderland beat us 2-0 and snatch a promotion place from Chelsea by one point.
We were disappointed to finish seventh in the Second Division table but not as disappointed as Arsenal's shattered players who, four days later, were beaten 5-4 on penalties by Valencia of Spain in the European Cup Winners' Cup final, thus finishing a momentous season empty-handed. Our success at Wembley, on the other hand, meant that we were back in European football.
As extraordinary seasons go 1980–81 was right up there with the most memorable. It was a season of triumph and despair and, if you include our FA Charity Shield defeat by Liverpool at Wembley in the first week of August, we played a total of 61 matches. Phil Parkes and Geoff Pike played in all of them. Ray Stewart, Alvin Martin and David Cross each missed only one game. Much of what we achieved as a club around this time can be traced back to the consistent excellence of our defence.
For 17 years I was a regular first-team player at West Ham and for six of those years I had the pleasure of playing with the best defence in the club's history – goalkeeper Phil Parkes behind a back four of Ray Stewart, Billy Bonds, Alvin Martin and Frank Lampard. As a defensive unit they were untouchable. Once Parkes and Stewart were embedded in the side in the 1979–80 season we were no longer a soft touch. Because of the dominance in the seventies of the northern heavyweights, teams like Liverpool, Leeds, Nottingham Forest and Derby County, clubs in the London area were often derided for their supposed lack of physical commitment and the term 'southern softies' was much used in the tabloids.
West Ham, of course, attracted their share of criticism in this respect until opponents began recognising the qualities of our defensive unit. But after the opening three games, we had only two points and were languishing in 17th place in the table. For the fourth game, our strongest defence was back in action and we registered our first win – 4-0 against Notts County. We then remained unbeaten in domestic competitions until mid-November – a run of success spoiled only by our unedifying return to European competition.
Our first-round opponents were Castilla. They were a good side playing in the Spanish Second Division and they acted as a nursery club for the mighty Real Madrid, with whom they shared their spectacular Bernabeu stadium, which has a capacity of 100,000. On the night we played, the crowd numbered 40,000 with about 2,000 of those in the claret and blue of West Ham.
The match itself was a thriller and David Cross put us ahead after 18 minutes. The Spanish were technically excellent, fought back in the second half and won 3-1. But we lost far more than the match. The club's reputation was seriously damaged as a result of disturbances on the terraces. The vast majority of the West Ham fans behaved impeccably but a small minority disgraced the club with their violent anti-social behaviour. What made matters worse were incidents outside the stadium after the match, when a West Ham fan was hit by a motor coach and later died in hospital.
Hooliganism was a growing problem in English football and 'hooligan' headlines filled the newspapers the next day. The unrest on the terraces was considered in those days to be simply a symptom of the times but, whatever the root cause, it's good to know that the problem has been pretty much eradicated from the modern domestic game. The introduction of all-seater stadia played a big role in improving control and behaviour within football grounds. Later investigations established that there had been two arrests (both away from the ground) in Madrid that night and five supporters detained during the match itself. It took the football authorities many years to find a long-term solution to the hooligan menace but the immediate response by UEFA, European football's governing body, was to fine West Ham £7,700 and order the second leg to be played 300 kilometres away from Upton Park. They further ordered that if we beat Castilla on aggregate, our home leg in the second round would also have to be played away from Upton Park.
UEFA gave the club 48 hours to appeal and three days in which to find an alternative venue for the second leg against Castilla. The club's board sent manager John Lyall, commercial manager Brian Blower and two directors, Jack Petchey and Brian Cearns, to the appeal. They presented a dossier of facts, the results of the club's own exhaustive enquiries. UEFA listened sympathetically and at the end of the hearing announced that they were lifting the fine imposed on the club and allowing us to play the second leg behind closed doors at Upton Park. Furthermore, if we progressed to the second round we would be allowed to stage the home leg at Upton Park.
This was good news but the sense of relief began to evaporate as we puzzled over how to prepare for a big European game, which we needed to win, remember, in an empty stadium. A wall-to-wall crowd at Upton Park generates a terrific atmosphere and plays a big role in lifting the players. This time there would be only the sound of silence interrupted by the echo of the referee's whistle.
John Lyall organised two full-scale practice matches at our Chadwell Heath training ground and asked the reserve lads to tackle and chase as if it was a competitive match. At least we got some idea of playing competitively without an audience. The match itself was a unique occasion in the history of West Ham. The official attendance that night is recorded as 262 – players, coaches, match officials, admin staff and media.
As the match progressed the voices of the radio commentators drifted across the pitch and you could also hear what the coaches were saying among themselves in the dugouts. But the voice I remember best was that of the West Ham scout Eddie Baily. Born and raised in Clapton, the former Spurs and England midfield player never lost his common touch. I'm sure his cries of 'Get stuck in!' could be heard a couple of miles away in Barking!
Anyway, we got stuck in and led 3-0 at half time with goals from Pike, Cross and Paul Goddard, who had signed for us from QPR for £800,000 at the start of the season. The Castilla captain, Miguel Bernal, then scored with a superb long-range shot to take the game into extra time. By now even the ball boys, chasing around deserted terraces to retrieve the ball, were exhausted. But not David Cross. Tall and sparely built, he seemed to have energy to burn. He scored twice more to complete his hat-trick and give us a 5-1win on the night, 6-4 on aggregate.
Happily, there was no crowd trouble on our next foray into Europe for the simple reason that only a handful of our fans wanted to go to the match. We were drawn to play Politehnica Timisoara of Romania, and back then a trip behind the Iron Curtain was something very few looked forward to with any relish. Timisoara had drawn 2-2 with Celtic in the previous round, qualifying on the away-goals rule, and Celtic manager Billy McNeill, a friend of John Lyall, gave him lots of information about the Romanians. Furthermore, Eddie Baily, John's assistant, occasionally accompanied Ron Greenwood, then England manager, on scouting trips and was invited by the FA to travel with the England party to a World Cup qualifying tie in Bucharest. He watched England's 2-1 defeat, and the night before had also seen the Under-21 side lose 4-0 to the Romanians. A number of Timisoara players had been involved in both games, and the big bonus for us was that he stayed on and watched the Romanians lose 2-1 in a friendly match against OFK Belgrade.
John Lyall had more information about the opposition than he could have hoped for and we knew what to expect from a talented side. We also knew their weaknesses. We took a 4-0 lead into the second leg and were confident we would finish the job. Our hotel in Timisoara was dimly lit and barely functional – we even took our own food – but the people were hospitable. At the stadium the crowd sang 'Poli, Poli' to the tune of The Beatles' 'Yellow Submarine' but they had little chance of overhauling a four-goal deficit. They kicked lumps out of us and scored in the 54th minute but we held on and progressed to the quarter-finals.
The Timisoara experience underlined the value of arming yourself with sound information about opposing teams, but in the next round we learned just how costly it can be to play against unknown opponents. Dinamo Tbilisi of Soviet Georgia fell into this category – but we weren't due to play them until March. First, though, we had a protracted FA Cup third-round marathon with Wrexham, also of the Second Division. We drew 1-1 at Upton Park, then 0-0 at Wrexham three days later. John Lyall spun the coin for the choice of venue for the second replay and Wrexham manager Arfon Griffiths called correctly. The second replay at the Racecourse Ground was twice postponed because of the weather. On the first occasion we travelled all the way to Wrexham by coach, returning almost immediately after a pitch inspection. Eventually a Dixie McNeil goal after 104 minutes of the second replay forced us to relinquish our grip on the FA Cup.
Then we had a classic League Cup quarter-final win over the Tottenham all-stars of Glenn Hoddle, Ossie Ardiles and Ricky Villa. A David Cross goal gave us a semi-final date with Coventry. We squandered a 2-0 lead in the first leg at Highfield Road, losing 3-2, but redeemed ourselves at Upton Park with a 2-0 victory that secured another Wembley final, this time against Liverpool. Before that, though, we had to resume our European adventures and, of course, ensure that our promotion challenge maintained momentum. We had been top of the Second Division since November and people were now talking about us breaking the 65-point record set by Jack Charlton's Middlesbrough in 1973–74. Promotion was beginning to look like a formality but John Lyall knew that things would not be so straightforward in Europe.
Tbilisi were an outstanding team and the fact that the Russian domestic season had only just resumed after their winter break meant that we had not seen them play. We had to settle for some film clips of their epic 4-2 aggregate triumph against Liverpool in the European Cup the previous season and their 5-0 aggregate win over Waterford in the Cup Winners' Cup a few months earlier.
Technically they were a wonderful side and in the first leg at Upton Park attacked us with breathtaking pace. It was an education to watch them and I was hugely impressed by the movement and individual skills of players such as Aleksandr Chivadze, Vitali Daraselia, David Kipiani and Ramaz Schengeliya. They remain one of the finest European teams I've seen and it was a shame that a broken leg ended Kipiani's career prematurely. But even greater tragedy was to strike. Daraselia died in a car crash on a mountain road a year later at the age of 25, and Schengeliya died of a brain haemorrhage in Tbilisi in June 2012. He was 55.
But on the night they met us at Upton Park they were practically unplayable. They were irresistible from the moment Chivadze burst through to score from 25 yards in the 23rd minute. They beat us 4-1 but they could have scored six or seven. At the final whistle our crowd gave them a standing ovation.
Having seen what they had to offer we were far better prepared for the second leg. Our chances of winning on aggregate were slim and not helped by the exhausting 4,000-mile journey to Tbilisi. We had to fly via Moscow, where a stony-faced official in the transit lounge refused to accept that Bobby Barnes, with his new crinkly haircut, was the same person as the fresh-faced youth in his passport photograph. But the biggest problem at Moscow was the snow. The de-icing machine was working overtime spraying the wings of aircraft when, after a three-hour wait, they closed the airport. We were stuck in the transit lounge again, until the club finally persuaded the officials to take us by bus to an airport hotel. We waded through snow drifts and checked in at midnight for five hours' sleep. At 6am we were back in the airport, but had to wait a further six hours before taking off to Tbilisi.
Considering the travel ordeal, we played well in front of 80,000 fans. Tactically, we were well prepared this time and Stuart Pearson, making a rare first-team appearance following a lengthy lay-off, scored the only goal of the game. The match was played in a wonderful spirit and at the end we exchanged shirts and were applauded off the field.
We flew home through the night and, once again, had to land at Moscow. The customs officials there asked me to explain why I was leaving the country with more money than I'd had when I arrived. In those days when you entered the USSR you had to fill in a form detailing all the cash and valuables you were carrying. On leaving you had to fill in another form. 'I won the cash playing cards with Billy Bonds!' I explained.
We were a tired bunch when we eventually arrived at Stansted at seven in the morning, and our fatigue showed three days later when we drew 1-1 with Oldham at Upton Park. But Paul Goddard's goal was enough to give us a ten-point lead at the top of the table. We were already guaranteed promotion when we met Liverpool in the League Cup final. They were en route to another European Cup triumph and were the best-equipped team in the First Division, with players like Ray Clemence, Kenny Dalglish, Graeme Souness, Alan Hansen and Ray Kennedy. We played a possession game, not easy against the masters of the art, but it worked to a degree. It was scoreless after 90 minutes. Then Alan Kennedy scored a questionable goal for Liverpool after 117 minutes, but in the last seconds of extra time Ray Stewart equalised from the penalty spot. Emotions were running high as the players left the pitch because we felt that Kennedy's goal should not have been allowed to stand.
When he struck the ball his team-mate Sammy Lee was crouching on the ground near the penalty spot in an offside position in front of our goalkeeper Phil Parkes. The linesman flagged. Sammy ducked dramatically to avoid being hit by the ball and clearly blocked Phil's view of the travelling shot. He _had_ to be interfering with play. That was blatantly obvious. The referee Clive Thomas moved towards the linesman but then decided to overrule him and pointed to the centre circle. In the mayhem on the pitch, John Lyall told Clive that 'we feel cheated'. He didn't accuse him of cheating but the tabloid headlines the next day suggested that he had. John was cautioned, faced a charge of bringing the game into disrepute and risked a touchline ban for the replay at Villa Park.
To be fair to Clive he accepted his share of the responsibility at the FA hearing and John was cleared and allowed to take his place in the dugout for the replay. At the end of the hearing he and Clive had lunch around the corner from the FA offices in Lancaster Gate. Clive was again the referee for the replay and handled the game impeccably. We started encouragingly, Goddard scoring with a near-post header from Jimmy Neighbour's cross. Dalglish equalised with a stunning goal in the 25th minute and three minutes later Alan Hansen scored their second. We nagged away at them in the second half but couldn't break them down or disturb their rhythm.
Three days later we shrugged aside the Liverpool defeat and beat Bristol Rovers 2-0 in front of 23,544. The place was rocking and 'Bubbles' reverberated around the ground. With 55 points, promotion was guaranteed – and we still had six matches to play. We remained unbeaten and our 1-0 win over Jack Charlton's Sheffield Wednesday at Hillsborough on the final day of a long season gave us the 66 points (in the days of two points for a win) that meant we had beaten the record set by Charlton's Middlesbrough. We were back in the big time. It felt good to be a Hammer!
#### CHAPTER 6
#### NIGHTMARE IN NEWPORT, MAYHEM IN MANSFIELD!
NO HONEST ACCOUNT OF LIFE at West Ham in the seventies and eighties can disguise the fact that for long periods of time my team-mates and I were regarded as a bit of a pushover in the big domestic cup competitions. All clubs claiming a place among the elite of the game stumble occasionally but West Ham's catalogue of disasters cast a long shadow over our three FA Cup final triumphs in 1964, 1975 and 1980. We had world-class players in Bobby Moore, Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters but still suffered more than ten embarrassing defeats to clubs from lower divisions during my 17 years of first-team service. Some were narrow defeats, just about acceptable, to Second Division teams like Middlesbrough, Fulham and Hull, but others were truly humbling. How do you explain losing to Fourth Division clubs like Stockport County and Newport County, who both enjoyed historic giant-killing victories over West Ham in my time at Upton Park?
I played in both of those defeats and the soul searching afterwards went on for weeks. Ron Greenwood was the manager in 1972–73 when we lost 2-1 to Stockport in the third round of the League Cup, and John Lyall was in charge when Newport's 2-1 win knocked us out of the FA Cup in 1978–79. The fact that we were in Division Two at the time was no excuse. As a youngster in my early days at Upton Park it was an honour and privilege to be playing alongside our three World Cup heroes, but I soon realised that their presence in the side often lifted inferior opposition in cup matches. In those days the scalps of Moore, Hurst and Peters were highly valued. Everyone wanted to test themselves against England's three big stars and, in fairness, the way West Ham played encouraged them to do just that.
Ron Greenwood's coaching gospel was based on attacking football, forward runs, good passing, creating space and maintaining an offensive momentum. We worked hard on the training ground to devise new ways of making space and in my opinion there were few better passing teams than us at that time. Our one-touch game was built on confidence and when we were passing the ball well we were a match for anyone. It was an exciting way to play and I was delighted to be a part of it. The players loved the simplicity of it, but there was a downside. When we lost possession of the ball the space we had created for ourselves was suddenly exploited by the opposition.
To be honest, our style of play wasn't suited to the kind of one-goal victories and grinding draws away from home that underpinned so many successful league title-winning campaigns. Our game was about entertainment and five-goal thrillers. We loved it, and so did our fans. The trouble was, rival teams loved it too! They knew that if they stopped us playing, we could be muscled out of games. I'm sure there were occasions when we could have demonstrated greater resilience but we always went out on to the field determined to play our way. That is what the manager wanted, and he had the full support of a benevolent and patient board of directors.
Just occasionally there would be some unedifying episode that suggested some fans were losing patience. I remember West Ham's first FA Cup tie a few months after England's World Cup victory in 1966. I was still to make my senior debut and wasn't involved but can recall a thrilling Hurst hat-trick in a 3-3 draw with Swindon at Upton Park in the third round. Swindon were then in Division Three and had a promising young winger called Don Rogers. He scored two and made the other to ensure a replay at Swindon.
Yes, you've guessed it! Swindon won the replay 3-1 and the next morning Bobby Moore discovered that the windows of his sports shop opposite Upton Park had fallen victim to discontented fans. I dare say these were the same fans who only weeks earlier had been singing and dancing as West Ham beat Spurs (1-0), Arsenal (3-1) and Leeds (7-0) in the League Cup en route to the semi-finals. The seven-goal defeat of Don Revie's mighty Leeds, First Division runners-up the previous season, was an extraordinary result and demonstrated just how good we could be when our confidence was high. There were no weakened teams in those days. Leeds fielded all their stars – Bremner, Charlton, Hunter, Madeley and Giles among them. I heard later that Revie kept his players up until the early hours of the morning discussing the biggest defeat of his managerial career. Leeds didn't lose many games in those days – and certainly not by seven goals.
How inexplicable, then, that the following season we should play so pathetically in losing 2-1 in the FA Cup to Sheffield United at Upton Park. Ron Greenwood was so angry with us that he left his usual seat in the directors' box and sat in the dugout in the hope that he might influence the way we were playing. His mood wouldn't have improved at the end when John Harris, the United manager, chortled: 'We love playing West Ham.' Happily we beat them 2-1 at Bramall Lane in May – a defeat that more or less condemned them to relegation to Division Two. Sadly, Frank Lampard broke his right leg four minutes before the end of the match.
By this time I was established in the first team, though I had yet to sample the bitter frustration that comes when you finish on the wrong end of a giant-killing act. That all changed in February 1969 when we were drawn to play Third Division Mansfield in the fifth round of the FA Cup.
We cruised past Bristol City – the day Upton Park's new East Terrace opened to replace the old Chicken Run – and Huddersfield and were due to meet Mansfield on 8 February. But the winter weather was so severe that the entire FA Cup programme was postponed, plus all but four league matches. The tie was rearranged for 19 February, but this too was postponed. After one further postponement we finally played the match on 26 February.
A crowd of more than 21,000 squeezed into their Field Mill ground to see the big shots from London. Moore, Hurst and Peters played along with recent acquisitions like Bobby Ferguson, then the world's most expensive goalkeeper, Billy Bonds and Alan Stephenson. Just to underline Ron's commitment to attacking football we also had two wingers in the line-up – John Sissons and Harry Redknapp.
With that team we could have beaten anyone – except Mansfield! They chased and tackled and knocked us out of our stride. As the pitch iced up – they did every mid-winter in those days – our passing game suffered and our confidence dipped. Dudley Roberts gave them the lead after 23 minutes. Ray Keeley added a second just before half time. By the time Dominic Sharkey scored, the little coal-mining town on the flank of the Pennines was rocking. A 3-0 victory provided the greatest night in the club's history.
We were well beaten. Although an embarrassing setback for us it was, on reflection, what made the FA Cup such an iconic sporting competition. Despite some recent observations to the contrary, I think the FA Cup is a jewel in our sporting heritage and well worth preserving. The fact that the little team can overcome the odds and beat the bigger team is what gives the FA Cup its appeal and explains why there have been so many imitators since the inauguration of the competition in 1871–72. West Ham may have suffered more than some at the hands of giant-killers, but in Mansfield, for instance, that memorable win all those years ago is still fondly recalled. It is part of football's folklore and, as such, makes the FA Cup a vital and much-loved part of the football calendar. I have to admit that on the night they thoroughly deserved their epic victory.
There were plenty of other moments of disappointment and recrimination in the cup competitions, many coming against teams from Yorkshire and Lancashire. In the circumstances it was inevitable, I suppose, that we should be considered 'southern softies'. The big battalions in the north – Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester United – were always a challenge and they enjoyed picking holes in our style of play. It always made me chuckle to hear the legendary Liverpool manager Bill Shankly ask: 'D'you know of a defender slower than Bobby Moore?'
The big northern clubs ruled the roost for nearly three decades between Ipswich's League Championship win of 1962 and Arsenal's triumph of 1989, although Arsenal did also break the domination in 1971. For us, though, it was the smaller clubs that caused so much anguish. In the space of about three months in 1973, for instance, we suffered the considerable embarrassment of losing to Fourth Division Stockport County in the League Cup and Second Division Hull in the FA Cup.
The following season the 'cup curse' followed us out to the West Country. In the FA Cup third round we were drawn to visit Hereford, a team we had played two seasons before when they were still in the Southern League. On that occasion they held us to a goalless draw before we beat them 3-1 in a replay at Upton Park, and afterwards the West Ham chairman, Reg Pratt, pledged his support for their application to join the Football League. In the previous round, of course, they had secured the famous 2-1 win over Newcastle United that earned them a place in the FA Cup history books and enhanced their claim to Football League status.
When we met them in 1973–74 they were in the Third Division. Their line-up had changed considerably but Dudley Tyler was still on the wing. He'd created such a good impression when he played for Hereford against us in 1971–72 that Ron Greenwood decided he was worth a £25,000 investment. A talented young winger who had survived a hole-in-the-heart operation, he quickly became a popular figure at Upton Park. But after just 35 first-team matches Ron decided that he wasn't quite good enough. He went back to Edgar Street and must have been absolutely thrilled when he learned that he would be returning to Upton Park to play against West Ham in the FA Cup.
It was a day that started badly for us – and then got worse. Hereford scored first through Eric Redrobe and after just 30 minutes Bobby Moore limped off with an ankle injury. He didn't know it at the time, but it was to be his last game for West Ham after a magnificent 17-year reign in the first team. Thirty minutes later John McDowell left the field with an injury and, these being the days when teams were allowed only one substitute, we had to finish the match with ten men. Another humiliating defeat was beckoning when Patsy Holland saved the day with a fine solo goal two minutes from time.
I missed the match with a groin injury and although I hoped to be fit for the replay I failed a fitness test. It's not an excuse but we had a lot of injury problems at the time. Our team for the replay had a makeshift look about it, with Alan Wooler replacing Moore and Bertie Lutton coming in for Bobby Gould. We still had enough class to win the match and when Clyde Best put us in front after 35 minutes it looked as though we would. But Tommy Naylor equalised from the penalty spot two minutes later and Alan Jones lashed in the winner for Hereford 15 minutes from time. Watching from my seat in the stands as my defeated colleagues trooped off at the end, I wondered whether the chairman regretted voting for Hereford's admission to the Football League!
Despite our patchy record in the cup competitions Ron Greenwood remained faithful to his playing style. I admired him for that. He wanted a team that entertained the public. Obviously he also wanted to win, but he wanted to win with a bit of style and panache. So many teams back in the seventies were happy to rely on physical commitment and defensive discipline. The professional game was full of players who were not as quick or technically proficient as they are today. But they could tackle. The laws of the game still allowed tackling from behind in the early seventies. This encouraged defenders to win the ball in a way they couldn't today. Changes to the laws of the game have eradicated many of the questionable practices that were common in my time.
Most successful teams had at least one or two hard-edged individuals whose chief function was to prevent the opposition from playing. As a creative figure in West Ham's midfield, I was often singled out for this kind of specialist treatment. I played in plenty of games in which we had lumps kicked out of us in the opening 15 minutes. Ron would have none of it. He deplored those who employed rough-house tactics and wanted no part in them. Only once can I remember him signing a player principally for the aggression that he would give us. That was when he paid Celtic £25,000 for John Cushley, an uncompromising centre-half who was as tough as old boots. He gave us a fearsome presence in the heart of defence but little else. Ron later admitted that John wasn't one of his best signings. He stayed with us for three years and in that time played just 46 matches.
Deep down, Ron's aim was always to create rather than destroy. He brought up his players to share that philosophy. He wanted us to open up the game while the majority of teams tried to close it down. He taught us that there were finer values than simply winning for the sake of winning. For the most part he carried the players with him but there were occasions when he felt badly let down. Probably the most spectacular betrayal of the boss came in the winter of 1971 when West Ham were drawn to play Blackpool at Bloomfield Road in the third round of the FA Cup. Blackpool were struggling at the foot of the old First Division and hadn't long before appointed a new manager – Bob Stokoe, who would later lead Sunderland to their memorable FA Cup triumph in 1973.
In all honesty, we weren't doing much better than Blackpool but had already beaten them 2-1 in the First Division, and Ron Greenwood was justified in believing that we were good enough to beat them again and have a bit of a run in the FA Cup. He was probably right to feel confident but what he hadn't taken into consideration was that four of his star players would spend the night before the match drinking on the Blackpool sea front.
That Friday evening – New Year's Day – the players enjoyed a relaxed dinner at the hotel, after which we were free to do whatever we wanted, within reason. There were no restrictions, Ron said, because he had complete faith in his players. I wasn't in the chosen 11 for the game next day and spent the evening in my hotel room watching TV. Four of my team-mates decided to go out – Bobby Moore, Jimmy Greaves, Clyde Best and Brian Dear. They were joined by the club physiotherapist Rob Jenkins and all headed off to the 007 Club, a Blackpool night spot owned by the former heavyweight boxer, Brian London.
I understand that the alcohol consumption was modest. Clyde didn't drink anything. In the broader catalogue of football indiscretions this one didn't really rank very high. The party was back at the hotel by 1am, ordering coffee and sandwiches. This would probably have been the end of the matter except for the fact that Blackpool beat us 4-0. We played poorly on a bone-hard, icy pitch and had great difficulty containing Blackpool's Tony Green, who scored the first two goals.
The Sunday morning newspaper reports made dire reading for West Ham fans but it wasn't until he returned to his office on Monday morning that Ron Greenwood heard that four of his players had gone out drinking the night before the match. The man who told him was the club chairman, Reg Pratt, who had been accosted by irate fans complaining that a lack of club discipline had led to our defeat at Blackpool. Initially, Ron refused to believe the story. So he made some enquiries. While he was doing this the club started receiving telephone calls from Fleet Street newspapers, who had been told what had happened by fans. The manager talked to the players involved. They all apologised but insisted that they had done nothing wrong, apart from have a quiet drink. Being a man of principle Ron decided that his only course of action was to recommend to the board the sacking of all five including, of course, the England captain.
The board did some hard thinking. They declined to sack Moore, Greaves, Best and Jenkins, but decided to dismiss Dear. Ron felt it would be unfair to sack only Brian, but the board pointed out that having left the club two years earlier he had then been rescued from the dole after playing a few games for Brighton, Fulham and Millwall. The punishment for the others was a two-week suspension plus a fine of a week's wages. Best, an impressionable 19-year-old, was treated more leniently and stayed at the club for a further five years, making more than 200 first-team appearances.
Greaves played only a handful more games for the club before drifting into premature retirement. Dear simply ran out of clubs. Moore's golden boy reputation was tarnished – unfairly, he thought – and, although he played for the club for another three seasons before moving to Fulham, his relationship with Ron Greenwood was never the same. Ron had taken great satisfaction in Bobby's development – he worked with him initially in the England Youth team – and would never have a word said against him. You can imagine how he must have felt when he learned his captain had taken team-mates drinking the night before a big FA Cup tie.
Greenwood remained faithful to his belief that football is a game of joy, wit, muscle and character, and when he handed over the first-team reins in August 1974 he knew that the man succeeding him, John Lyall, was ready and equipped for the job and shared most of his views. John's playing career at West Ham had been abruptly curtailed by a knee injury and since quitting he'd had 11 years coaching alongside Ron.
The son of a policeman, John was from sturdy Scottish stock. He embraced Greenwood's philosophies but added a little more steel and discipline. He had his own ideas and many of them were good and positive but, for some reason, we remained vulnerable to the cup predators in the game.
In 1977–78, the season we were relegated to the Second Division, Queens Park Rangers hammered us 6-1 in an FA Cup fourth-round replay. This was just a hint of what was to come. The following year Swindon, from Division Three, beat us 2-1 in a League Cup second-round tie at Upton Park. I missed the match, having been injured in a 3-0 win over Newcastle, but I can't hide from the fact that I was very much involved later that season when we faced Newport County in the FA Cup. Newport were 12th in Division Four, had lost 5-0 to Swansea in the first round of the League Cup and had only once reached the fifth round of the FA Cup, in 1948–49. Such matters were irrelevant on the day, when a crowd of 14,124 packed Somerton Park, paying record receipts of £14,904. They got their money's worth!
Howard Goddard gave Newport the lead with a glancing header after 14 minutes, but seven minutes later Bryan Robson equalised with a thudding drive from 30 yards. It was a great goal and provided us with the momentum that I thought would drive us on to victory. But it was not to be. Our goalkeeper Mervyn Day failed to cut out a cross, leaving Eddie Woods to score a simple headed goal with just nine minutes remaining. Beaten 2-1, we headed home with our tails between our legs. The newspapers made a meal of our latest FA Cup humiliation and, understandably, Newport County enjoyed their day in the sun. It was brief. They were knocked out in the next round by Colchester.
It was a significant defeat for Mervyn Day, who had made such a spectacular entrance as a 17-year-old. Ron Greenwood predicted that he would be West Ham's first-choice goalkeeper for the next ten years. Sadly, Mervyn couldn't live up to the hype. When the crowd at Upton Park began to get on his back, John Lyall knew he had to make a change. Mervyn played only two more games for West Ham after that Newport defeat, the last being a 3-3 draw against Sunderland. The Upton Park fans jeered him as he left the pitch.
John Lyall's response was to sign Phil Parkes from Queens Park Rangers for a world record fee for a goalkeeper of £565,000. He was outstanding on his debut, a 3-0 win over Oldham. The Upton Park crowd gave him a huge reception. The following season, with Phil Parkes in goal, West Ham reached the quarter-finals of the League Cup and beat Arsenal in the FA Cup final.
#### CHAPTER 7
#### ENGLAND EXPECTS
BOBBY MOORE TOLD ME what to expect. Alf Ramsey, he insisted, would be welcoming, encouraging and supportive. He was right. To those who knew him well, Alf wasn't much like his public image. After almost a decade as England manager, surely one of the toughest jobs in football, he was still regarded as a cold, distant figure by most people. Much of this, of course, stemmed from his relationship with the media. The newspapers didn't like him. And he didn't like them. They painted a picture of a methodical, arrogant man who had taken elocution lessons to disguise any trace of his Dagenham upbringing. Why this was relevant to anything to do with managing the England football team, heaven only knew!
He was a man who kept tight control of his emotions, but those within his circle knew that he was often deeply hurt by the critics. Any criticism of his team was taken as a personal affront. The devotion of the manager to his players, and the players to the manager, had provided the emotional platform upon which England built their successful World Cup bid in 1966. Even in his finest hour, he allowed himself only a wry smile as he held aloft the Jules Rimet Trophy at Wembley. Repeating such an achievement was always going to be an awesome challenge, and when we first met in the early seventies time was running out for him. He had remained fiercely loyal to those players who had won the World Cup and this was a source of much criticism when England failed in their defence of the title in Mexico in 1970.
When he called me into the Under-23 squad in 1971 he was beginning to look at some of the younger players who might feature in England's bid to qualify for the 1974 World Cup. At that time my international experience had been limited to schoolboy football and a handful of caps for the England Youth team. I played in the European Youth Championship in Turkey in 1967 alongside several other youngsters who would later graduate to the senior side.
Inaugurated by FIFA in 1948, and originally known as the 'Little World Cup', the tournament has been run by UEFA since 1955. England are one of the most successful nations at this level and were champions in 1963 and 1964. We had great hopes of winning it again in 1967. We beat Italy, Spain and France and drew with Yugoslavia to qualify for the final against the USSR. We lost 1-0 in a close match in front of 50,000 in Istanbul. Sadly, I missed the final because of a toe injury.
The England team that day was: Shilton (Leicester City), Craggs (Newcastle), Mills (Ipswich), Reeves (Charlton), Went (Leyton Orient), Kember (Crystal Palace), Want (Tottenham), Evans (Wolves), Todd (Sunderland), Lloyd (Chelsea), Kidd (Manchester United). Other players in the squad included my West Ham team-mate Frank Lampard and Everton's Joe Royle. In all, seven of the squad progressed to the senior England team, which is an outstanding return from a 16-strong group of 18-year-olds.
There was a bit of a reunion four years later when I made my Under-23 debut at Ipswich, the unfashionable Suffolk club that Alf so stealthily led to the Second and First Division titles in consecutive seasons just before becoming England manager. England met Switzerland at Portman Road on a cool November evening in 1971. The England team included Peter Shilton, Frank Lampard, Steve Kember and Joe Royle, who had all played with me in the Under-18 championship.
According to the official Football Association report of the match it was 'a frustrating game in which Switzerland were content to slow the tempo by retaining possession of the ball'. Apparently, 'England failed to impress and the midfield players were only rarely able to provide their forwards with openings.'
That may explain why I never played for the Under-23 side again. It remains a source of pride, though, that I supplied our goal in a 1-1 draw at Ipswich that night. Only 12 minutes of the match remained when I ran to meet a cross from Mick Channon. I dived full length to head us in front. Five minutes later, according to the FA report, 'Muller, though surrounded by defenders, managed to squeeze the ball past Shilton although there was reason to believe that he had handled the ball before scoring.'
Although the Under-23 results that season were poor – just two wins from seven matches – a significant number of those selected to play at this level began to demonstrate the qualities that would eventually earn them senior call-ups. Among those who would graduate from Under-23 to senior level were Channon, Royle, Todd, Mills, Malcolm Macdonald, Tony Currie, Kevin Keegan, Ray Kennedy, Frank Worthington, John Richards and Phil Parkes. By this time, Shilton had already played for the senior side four times.
Alf must have thought he had the raw materials to build a squad good enough to challenge for the 1974 World Cup in Germany. At that time England had never failed to qualify and, with so many good young players emerging in the First Division, a significant number of people in football shared Alf's belief that England would be strong enough to regain the World Cup. Others, though, were beginning to question Alf's optimism. Some of his tactical decisions during the 1970 finals in Mexico had sown the first seeds of doubt. It was the quarter-final in Leon against the old foe, West Germany, that highlighted the problems. England's cause wasn't helped when Ramsey's loyal goalkeeper Gordon Banks was laid low by a stomach bug. His understudy, Peter Bonetti, an agile, talented goal-keeper, was unproven in big internationals.
Nonetheless, England were 2-0 up inside 50 minutes and heading to the semi-finals when both managers embarked on a crucial deployment of substitutes. Germany's Helmut Schoen introduced the winger Jurgen Grabowski to test England full-back Terry Cooper, who was wilting in the heat. After Franz Beckenbauer had pulled a goal back, capitalising on a misjudgement by Bonetti, Ramsey made what many considered the biggest mistake of his managerial career by taking off Bobby Charlton and Martin Peters. He replaced them with Norman Hunter and Colin Bell and explained afterwards that he wanted to rest Charlton and Peters for the semi-final. One of the consequences of removing Charlton was that Beckenbauer was suddenly given the freedom to exert his considerable influence further forward. Eventually, England cracked. Eight minutes from time Uwe Seeler equalised with a back header that left Bonetti stranded in no-man's-land. Then, in extra time, Grabowski flew past Cooper and created the winning goal for Gerd Muller.
For months, no years, Ramsey's accusers dissected and analysed his tactics. The charge sheet was long: why had Bonetti not played in more big matches prior to the tournament? Why didn't he play Peter Osgood, who was in the best form of his life? Why was Francis Lee played on the right when he was better on the left? Why did he persist with the exhausted Cooper? Why did he make those fateful substitutions against the Germans?
The questions remained unanswered. Alf shouldered the blame and, typically, said little, although he did insist with a tinge of defiance that he would pick the same players again. It was that kind of loyalty that made him so popular with his players. But by the time England began the qualification programme for the 1974 World Cup only Bobby Moore remained from Ramsey's earliest days as England manager.
To qualify England had to beat Wales and Poland, and the first match, against Wales at Ninian Park, was Ramsey's 100th in charge. A few weeks earlier Gordon Banks had been involved in a car crash that cost him the sight of his right eye and ended his career. Ray Clemence made his debut against the Welsh, along with his Liverpool team-mate Kevin Keegan. It was an undistinguished 1-0 win for England, lacking creative power in midfield, but far worse was to come in the return leg at Wembley. The Welsh battled to a 1-1 draw in January 1973 – a dropped qualifying point that was to prove costly to England.
Five months later, with pressure mounting on Alf, England lost 2-0 in Poland in a bad-tempered match in which Alan Ball was dismissed – becoming only the second England player to be sent off. The second leg at Wembley was four months away – time enough for everyone to reflect on the reality of England's World Cup chances. Put simply, we had to beat Poland to qualify.
I was called into the senior squad for the first time in September 1973 – three weeks before the fateful match with the Poles. England played a friendly against Austria at Wembley. I wasn't selected to play so sat in the stands and watched England cruise to a 7-0 victory, with Tony Currie pulling the strings in midfield and Channon and Allan Clarke scoring two goals apiece.
Hopes were high of a victory against the Poles. Once again I sat in the stands, watching with disbelief as the Polish goalkeeper Jan Tomaszewski – Brian Clough's 'clown' – produced a string of remarkable saves. Once again Alf was uncertain about his substitutions and was widely criticised for waiting until the 88th minute before sending on the Derby County winger Kevin Hector for his debut. Bobby Moore, who had been replaced by Hunter and watched the match from the England dugout, kept urging Alf to make a substitution. Bobby said that Alf was insistent that the men on the pitch could do the job.
Alf was wrong. The Poles held out, drew 1-1 and qualified for the World Cup ahead of England. The next match, a 1-0 defeat against Italy at Wembley, was Bobby's 108th and last for his country. The match after that, a friendly against Portugal in Lisbon in April 1974, was my first and Alf's last. But he didn't know that at the time.
Sensing that it was time to introduce fresh blood into his squad, Alf called up a clutch of debutants, six in all – Phil Parkes, Mike Pejic, Martin Dobson, Dave Watson, Stan Bowles and me. Only Dave and I would claim to have enjoyed long international careers. A resourceful, uncompromising centre-half, Dave made 65 appearances for England between 1974 and 1982. I made 47 in the same time. Dobson and Bowles played five games each, Pejic four games and my old West Ham team-mate Parkes never pulled on an England shirt again after his debut in Portugal.
Alf always went out of his way to make newcomers feel welcome. This time was no different. He was obviously under pressure, having failed to qualify for the World Cup, but didn't show it. His priority was his players. I was impressed with the way he fussed over us. He could have spent time with the FA International Committee hierarchy who were debating his future. Instead he devoted all his time and energy to his players.
I remember him telling me: 'Enjoy yourself with us. We have a good spirit here. The other lads will make you feel at home.' The public image of a dull, uncommunicative man did not tally with my early impressions of him. Nothing happened to change my opinion. When he sent us out to play, the emphasis was always on attacking football. He liked his teams to have a sound tactical structure but he was also passionate about passing. He used to say: 'Treat the ball like a precious jewel.'
In that sense he reminded me very much of my club manager, Ron Greenwood. They were contemporaries as players. An intelligent full-back, Ramsey had the more distinguished playing career. He won a League Championship title with Tottenham in 1951, and his 32 games for England included the infamous 1-0 defeat to the USA in the Brazil World Cup of 1950.
Another thoughtful, defensive player, Ron won a League Championship medal with Chelsea in 1955. He also played for the England B team before coaching Arsenal and joining West Ham as manager. Like Alf, he treated his players with respect and, again like Alf, expected his players to return the courtesy. Alf had experienced no serious problems with any of his players but, towards the end of his reign, there was growing unrest among big clubs who were beginning to pressurise their players to withdraw from international squads when the games were unimportant.
Paul Madeley, a Rolls-Royce of a player who wore every shirt for Leeds except the goalkeeper's jersey, had declined Alf's invitation to join the 1970 World Cup squad when his club-mate Paul Reaney withdrew because of injury. Paul explained that he wanted to rest and, as an understudy, felt he was unlikely to play anyway. Paul and his Leeds team-mate Norman Hunter both withdrew from the squad for the match against Portugal – no doubt hastening the arrival of some of the debutants. Alf was getting irritated by a development that was to bedevil all his successors as England manager. He declared at the time: 'Selected players who fail to appear for matches or training sessions should not be permitted to play for their clubs the following Saturday.'
It was rare in those days for players to say no to England. It's more common now. Before the 2012 European Championship the England manager Roy Hodgson named his squad to travel and decided to have a six-strong stand-by squad. Three of the six he originally selected refused to be stand-by players. Those three haven't played for England since. Roy goes out of his way to be fair to clubs and players. He will always discuss availability with club managers and tries to ensure that the top players are not overworked. The fact is that most England players in recent years have come from just eight clubs – the most successful. The net was spread a bit wider when I was playing. Timing is also a factor. March, for instance, is a really difficult month from an international point of view because it's when the Champions League and the domestic competitions are approaching their climax. It's the time of year when clubs want to keep their players as fresh as possible.
Madeley and Hunter both insisted they were genuinely injured. 'Sir Alf once told me that unless I was one hundred per cent fit I should drop out of the England squad,' said Madeley. 'Who would be foolish enough to pass up the hundred-pound appearance fee?' Paul had a point. Players were well paid in those days but salaries were nothing like as generous as they are today. Few could afford to give up £100. The money was useful, but to a newcomer like me the real thrill was in pulling on an England shirt and playing for my country in a full international for the first time. My former West Ham team-mate Martin Peters, who had moved to Tottenham, was captain in the absence of Bobby Moore. Sadly, it was an indifferent sort of game that ended goalless.
But for me it was a significant moment in my career. I had achieved a boyhood dream of playing football for my country and now, at the age of 25, knew that I had to make the most of the opportunity. I had no reason to believe that Alf was anything less than satisfied with my debut and assumed that I had a good chance of figuring in his squad for a busy programme of matches in May and June. A fortnight after the Portugal game Alf named what would be his final squad – a 20-man party for the Home International Series, a prestige friendly against Argentina at Wembley and a three-match tour of Eastern Europe. It was the sort of end-of-season schedule that the modern Premiership manager would simply refuse to support.
In the last days of that April in 1974, Bishop's Stortford beat Ilford 4-1 at Wembley in the last FA Amateur Cup final, Arsenal goalkeeper Bob Wilson announced his intention to retire as a player and work for the BBC, Manchester United were relegated after 36 years in Division One and . . . Sir Alf Ramsey was sacked as England manager.
The news broke in the _Daily Mirror_ , having leaked out at Coventry City. Their general manager, Joe Mercer, had already been lined up by the FA to succeed Alf on a short-term basis. The full FA statement, explaining the sacking of the only coach to lead England to World Cup success, read:
The committees of the FA who have been considering the future of England football have examined some aspects in detail and progress has been made. At a meeting on 14 February the executive committee set up a sub-committee with the following terms of reference: To consider our future policy in respect of the promotion of international football.
Following meetings, a unanimous recommendation was submitted to the executive committee that Sir Alf Ramsey should be replaced as England team manager. This recommendation was accepted unanimously by the executive committee. He has been informed of this decision. For practical reasons his duties will cease with effect from 30 April. A new manager will be appointed in due course, but it has not been possible to take any positive action on this matter until this announcement has been made. In view of the forthcoming international matches it was decided that a caretaker manager should be appointed.
With the approval of Coventry City Mr Joe Mercer has agreed to undertake this task. It should be stated that he does not wish to be considered for the job of permanent manager so immediate steps will be taken to appoint a new England team manager as soon as possible. The FA wishes at this time to record its deep appreciation for all that Sir Alf has accomplished and the debt owed to him by English football for his unbending loyalty and dedication and the high level of integrity he has brought to world football.
The reign of the only England manager to win anything worth winning was over. Of the 113 international matches played during his time in charge, England won 69 and lost 17. Typically, Alf refused to speak to the media. He packed a suitcase and took Lady Ramsey away on holiday. The following day six Tory MPs put down a motion in the Commons inviting MPs to record their appreciation of Sir Alf Ramsey. Several other prominent figures, including former FA secretary Denis Follows, attacked the FA for the timing of his dismissal. Five days after his sacking the FA announced that he would be given a 'golden handshake' reputed to be worth £15,000.
I was sorry to see him go, and not just because he had opened the door to an international career for me. He had helped take English football, a sport run by amateurs for almost a century, into the modern era. The game would never be the same again. He had broken down barriers and transformed England's approach to international football. He refused to accept the long-established doctrine of the amateur selection committee, insisting instead that professional players should be controlled by a professional coach. Every decision involving the England team had to be, in Alf's own words, 'rubber-stamped' by him. He argued that nothing was too good for the England team. He had established a real bond with his players. Most of those who had been with him for a long time really loved him. I know, for example, that long after he'd retired he used to receive a regular visit from Martin Peters for a cup of tea and a chat. I didn't get to know him as well as the 1966 squad but I thought he did a great job for English football.
His future had been debated for months, but the swiftness of his departure was a shock. I think, for someone who had done so much for the nation's prestige, he deserved better. Perhaps it was time for a change. Perhaps we should have done better against Wales at Wembley. Certainly we'd created enough to beat the Poles at Wembley. But they weren't pushovers. People forget that a few weeks after Alf's dismissal Poland beat Argentina, Haiti and the great Italian team of Zoff, Facchetti, Causio, Mazzola, Chinaglia et al to reach the final stages of the World Cup. They finished in third place after beating Brazil 1-0 in Munich. Pushovers? I don't think so. Based on the number of chances England created against them at Wembley, my own feeling at the time was that had England qualified they would have done well in Germany. They would certainly have been competitive and difficult to beat.
But by the time the defending champions Brazil opened the 1974 World Cup with a goalless draw against Yugoslavia in Frankfurt, me and the rest of the England squad had returned home from an exhausting programme of matches and were heading off on holiday. Failure to qualify for the World Cup had diminished the nation's football reputation and the players probably felt the disappointment more keenly than anyone else. At least I was given the chance to stake a claim to a place in the England side by Alf's short-term successor, Joe Mercer.
When I was a young player 'genial Joe' was one of the father figures of the English game. He was 60 in 1974, a former England wing-half whose international career was cut short by the outbreak of the Second World War. He had won League Championship titles as a player with Everton and Arsenal and managed Manchester City with distinction from 1965 to 1972, winning the title in 1968.
He'd been helping Coventry team manager Gordon Milne for two years when the FA approached him with their request to fill in as England boss for a few weeks until they could find a permanent replacement for Alf Ramsey. I remember him telling the players at our first get-together: 'We're going to have a laugh and a joke.' He did add, though, that for those serious about playing for England the next seven games would provide a wonderful opportunity to impress the new manager. 'Let's enjoy ourselves and get some good results,' he said. 'But more than anything else, stake a claim to a place in the 1978 World Cup squad.'
Was he talking to me? I wasn't sure. I wasn't in the squad because _he_ had selected me. None of us was. Bizarrely, the FA had allowed Alf to announce _his_ squad for the seven summer matches before sacking him and declaring that his selections would play under another manager. Although Alf had included me in his squad for the Home Internationals I wasn't in Joe's line-up for the first game against Wales in Cardiff. Instead, he gave a debut to Keith Weller, a talented attacking midfield player who joined Leicester City from Chelsea, where he'd played in the 1971 Cup Winners' Cup-winning team. Keith liked to run at defenders with the ball and was good at it. I wondered whether his arrival meant goodbye to me after just one game.
Perhaps I was worrying too much. Keith had a good career but he played only four games for England – all during Joe's reign. He was a lively individual with a cockney sense of humour. I was really impressed some time later when he walked out on to the pitch for a First Division match wearing tights! It was winter, but it took a bit of 'bottle' to do that in those days. Keith shared Joe's love of a joke. Team talks were a laugh a minute. 'I haven't had time to do much homework,' Joe said before the start of the Home Championship series. He was right of course. 'I don't know much about this lot,' he used to say. 'Let's not worry about them. We'll let them worry about us.'
Although it was light-hearted it wasn't frivolous. Joe Mercer was a professional football man and he wanted to get the best from his players. He had his way of doing it. Alf had his. Alf had been schoolmasterly. He was clear and concise when explaining your role in the team. There was not a lot of flexibility with him. Joe was far more relaxed. He wasn't planning for the long term. His main priority, he said, was to get us playing together as a unit.
We started well enough with a 2-0 win over Wales in Cardiff. Stan Bowles and Kevin Keegan scored the goals, and Liverpool's Emlyn Hughes, making his 30th England appearance, was given the captain's armband for the first time. There was still no room for me in the team four days later when a Keith Weller goal produced a 1-0 win over Northern Ireland at Wembley. Naturally, Keith retained his place for the big one three days later – Scotland at Hampden Park.
This, of course, is the oldest international football fixture, dating back to 1872, and it's a shame that it had to be abandoned largely because of the growing concerns about crowd misbehaviour. For those fortunate enough to have played in this fixture, particularly in Glasgow, the atmosphere and the intensity of the rivalry remain a lifelong memory.
Once again Joe left me out of the starting line-up, but I remember the chaotic coach journey through throngs of Scottish fans to and from the airport. I remember, too, sitting in the stands and being offered cans of beer by deliriously happy Scotland fans. On this occasion they won – a well-deserved 2-0 victory that gave them the Home International title and sent a 93,000 crowd home fully expecting the Scots to take the World Cup by storm that summer. It was a good Scotland team with class players like Danny McGrain, Billy Bremner, Peter Lorimer, Joe Jordan and Kenny Dalglish. A month later, having beaten Zaire and drawn with Yugoslavia and Brazil, the Scots, unbeaten, experienced the disappointment of going out of the World Cup on goal difference.
England, meantime, were preparing for a Wembley date with Argentina, who were, like Scotland, in the middle of their World Cup warm-up programme. Unhappily, Stan Bowles, a real talent on the field if unpredictable off it, had walked out of Joe's squad having been dropped from the team for the Scotland game and replaced by Frank Worthington. With him missing, and Roy McFarland ruled out for six months with an Achilles injury picked up against the Irish, there were suddenly vacancies in the team. At last Joe picked me to play on the left side in midfield alongside Weller and Colin Bell.
It was Argentina's first visit to Wembley since Alf described them as 'animals'. This was after Antonio Rattin had been sent off in England's 1-0 win in 1966. Some of the lads in the dressing room mulled over the timing of Alf's sacking. There could have been some embarrassment had he still been in charge of the team. As it turned out, cheerful Joe ensured there were no diplomatic incidents. Free of the cares of long-term responsibility, he was enjoying his time as England boss and wanted his players to enjoy it too. He made four changes to the side beaten by the Scots, bringing in Dave Watson, Alec Lindsay, Kevin Keegan and me. It was the first time Kevin and I had played together. The Argentines were typically South American. They were good in possession, passed well, had a resilient defence and, as always, real flair at the front. Mario Kempes provided the flair in this team. It ended 2-2, with Channon and Worthington scoring England's goals and Kempes getting both for Argentina, one a late penalty. Despite losing 3-2 to Poland in Stuttgart, Argentina reached the second group stage of the World Cup but finished bottom of the table after defeats to Brazil and Holland and a 1-1 draw with East Germany.
With Joe in ebullient mood, the England squad embarked on a three-match European tour, originally planned as a warm-up programme for the World Cup. As England had already been knocked out it served no real purpose, particularly as an incoming England manager might have ideas completely at odds with those of Joe Mercer. It could so easily have been a depressing fortnight, especially given that the venues didn't rank very highly on any player's list of places to visit. We started against East Germany in Leipzig, then went to play Bulgaria in Sofia and finished up facing Yugoslavia in Belgrade. These were the days when the Iron Curtain was still a very real barrier between the affluent West and the Communist bloc of Eastern Europe.
All three nations had qualified for the World Cup and, for them, playing against England was a useful yardstick. I'd done enough against Argentina to keep my place and I played in all three matches – a 1-1 draw with East Germany, a 1-0 win over Bulgaria and a 2-2 draw with Yugoslavia. Joe kept the mood relaxed throughout, though he did have to extricate Kevin Keegan from an ugly incident at Belgrade airport when we arrived to play Yugoslavia.
Kevin was among a group of players around the luggage carousel when he was singled out by airport police, marched off and roughed up. He had been sitting on the conveyor belt when it was suddenly switched on. The police thought he was fooling around. We were so angry when we realised that he was being detained that we all told Joe we wanted to fly home immediately.
'No problem,' said Joe. 'But Kevin won't be able to come with us. He'll have to stay here to answer charges.' Joe calmed the players down and with the help of FA officials and team captain Emlyn Hughes assured the Yugoslavs that the game would go ahead. The FA lodged a formal complaint about Kevin's treatment. He was soon released and, fittingly, headed the equaliser in the 2-2 draw.
Kevin and I played in four of the seven England games that summer. He wasn't a world star in those days. We played well together from the start but we had a long way still to go before we could claim to have a real understanding on the field. He had enormous enthusiasm for the game. His work rate was an inspiration to me. I couldn't do the running he did, but I knew that his movement on the field meant that more often than not he was the best option when a midfield player such as me was looking to make a forward pass. Like me, he was still in the process of establishing himself at international level. Others were doing the same – Channon, Todd, Hughes and Watson among them.
When we got back to Heathrow after that European tour we all said thanks to Joe and wished him well for the future. If nothing else, he had lifted the gloom that had descended following our World Cup failure and the sacking of Alf. The FA had said nothing to the players about a new manager. We were told that we were not due to meet again until October when England faced Czechoslovakia in the first match of the European Championship qualifying programme. No one knew who would be in charge. I went home and watched the World Cup on TV.
Joe, awarded an OBE for his services to football in 1976, slipped quietly into retirement. He remained a hugely popular figure in the game and was a director of Coventry City until 1981. He died in 1990, on his 76th birthday, sitting in his favourite armchair. When the City of Manchester Stadium was built, one of the approach roads, Joe Mercer Way, was named in his honour.
#### CHAPTER 8
#### THE DON
IN JULY 1974, FOUR DAYS before West Germany beat Holland 2-1 in the World Cup final in Munich, the Football Association appointed Don Revie as England manager. Most people felt he was the natural choice. His Leeds United team had just won the League Championship, finishing five points clear of Liverpool, and he was widely regarded as the most successful manager in the old First Division.
The original deep-lying England centre-forward – four goals in six international appearances in the fifties – Don was a football theorist and strategist who had lifted a rudderless Yorkshire club out of the Second Division and transformed them into one of the most feared teams in Europe. Unlike Alf Ramsey's Ipswich, Leeds had maintained their position at the top. They were both bruising and brilliant and some blamed their 'professionalism' for the development of a new cynical attitude in football in the seventies.
Leeds had started the 1973–74 season under a cloud, with a suspended £3,000 fine hanging over them. This was imposed by the FA because it was deemed that their total number of dismissals and cautions was 'unacceptable'. The fine was never implemented because Don made an effort to improve Leeds United's disciplinary record.
This probably helped his case when he sought out the new FA secretary Ted Croker to tell him how much he would like to be England manager. 'I fancied the job,' he told the media at the time. The England players greeted his appointment with enthusiasm. There was an acknowledgement in the professional game that his Leeds team, at their best, had few rivals. Even so, they had suffered an irritating number of near-misses. During his 13 years at Elland Road they had finished runners-up in the league title race five times. They were beaten FA Cup finalists on three occasions.
But the FA were convinced that he was the right man to succeed Ramsey. The game, indeed the nation, needed a lift and he was the man to provide it. These were the days, remember, of power and fuel shortages, three-day weeks and the floodlight bans that led to the first Football League match on a Sunday, between Millwall and Fulham.
A fortnight after Revie's appointment a furious row broke out when his former employer, Leeds United, lured the championship-winning manager of Derby County, Brian Clough, from Third Division Brighton to Elland Road. The outspoken Clough famously lasted just 44 days at Leeds – an extraordinary episode in one of the most turbulent years I can remember in football. Within the space of a couple of months that summer football was rocked by a series of unexpected managerial changes – Bill Shankly quit after 15 years as manager of Liverpool, Bill Nicholson resigned after 16 years as manager at Tottenham, Ron Greenwood stood down after 13 years at West Ham and Dave Sexton was sacked as manager of Chelsea.
This upheaval, involving some of the nation's most distinguished coaches, suddenly threw the spotlight on to the mounting pressures that managers faced as they sought to satisfy the increasing demands of players and fans. Shankly cited 'stress' as his reason for retirement and Nicholson quite bluntly claimed that 'players have become impossible'. His decision came just weeks after he had used the public address system in Feyenoord's Rotterdam stadium to plead with Tottenham fans to stop fighting. More than 200 people were injured at the UEFA Cup final in May 1974 and Nicholson was ashamed of the behaviour of some of the Spurs fans. He wasn't alone among those in the game seriously concerned by the growing cases of hooliganism that blighted football in the seventies and would lead to such harrowing tragedies a decade later.
There were clear signs that the game was about to undergo profound changes. For decades the clubs had been all-powerful, paying a maximum of £20 a week in the winter and £17 a week in the summer with players unable to move to a club of their choice when their contracts expired. In 1960 Jimmy Hill, the PFA chairman, and the Newcastle player George Eastham, who wanted to move to Arsenal, challenged both the rate of pay and the contractual terms. After a protracted battle that reached the High Court they won freedom of contract for professional players.
England's World Cup victory in 1966 further enhanced the social status and earning potential of players and, by the seventies, footballers' agents were starting to have an influence. The media, particularly TV, was increasingly powerful and intrusive, and many of the sport's more gentlemanly aspects were disappearing. Football was becoming more competitive, and in the business of winning and losing the balance sheet quickly assumed as much importance as the team sheet.
Previously, the clubs held all the cards. Players' salaries when I started were essentially about bonuses and incentives. But by the time I finished the basic salary was what mattered and was many, many times the average working wage. Managers like Bill Nicholson, who had been in charge at Tottenham since 1958, remembered what it was like in the old days. But those long-established values, on and off the pitch, were fading away.
Player behaviour on the field was also a cause for concern. Revie was ensconced among the FA hierarchy at Wembley when his former Leeds team faced Liverpool in the traditional curtain raiser to the season. The FA Charity Shield match – now known as the Community Shield – between the champions and the FA Cup winners was supposed to be a showpiece event. Live on TV for the first time, the match developed into an ill-tempered brawl. The animosity came to a head when Kevin Keegan and Billy Bremner were both sent off for trading punches. As they left the pitch they petulantly tore off their shirts and threw them on the pitch. The players were each fined £500 and handed a ten-match ban. Ted Croker defended what critics claimed was a harsh penalty by saying: 'We are trying to make football more acceptable to a wider range of people.' He knew that the lack of discipline on the field was becoming an issue of mounting concern.
On the afternoon in the autumn when Keegan and Bremner returned from suspension eight players – including Steve Kember (Chelsea), Asa Hartford (Manchester City) and Phil Beal (Tottenham) – were sent off. This was the highest number ever dismissed in one day. Revie carried Croker's message about discipline to his England team when he met the players for the first time. His Leeds team had been among the worst offenders in the First Division but now, in his FA blazer, he was on the side of the righteous. Wisely, one of his first decisions as England manager was to invite 81 players, all of whom qualified for England, to a meeting in a Manchester hotel. These were the people upon whom he would be depending as he attempted to restore England's reputation. Obviously, all the well-established internationals were there, players like Alan Ball, Peter Shilton, Mick Channon, Emlyn Hughes, Colin Bell and Roy McFarland. Quite understandably there were a few from Elland Road – Norman Hunter, Paul Madeley, Terry Cooper and Allan Clarke among them. There were also a few uncapped surprises on the invitation list, such as Peter Taylor from Third Division Crystal Palace and my West Ham team-mates Graham Paddon and Billy Bonds. Obviously I was particularly interested to see who would be challenging for midfield places under the new manager. Among others he picked were two I rated highly – Gerry Francis of Queens Park Rangers and Alan Hudson of Stoke City.
I thought that getting the players together was a clever move by the new manager. He was letting the fringe players know that they were in his thoughts and he was telling the established players not to take too much for granted. Looking back, it's extraordinary that he could summon 81 players, all of whom he considered to have a realistic chance of playing for England. Could it happen today? I don't think so. You certainly couldn't find 81 English players of international quality – even international potential – in today's Premier League and Championship.
At the meeting in a five-star hotel, with the Manchester rain washing down the windows of the evocatively named Peacock Suite, he told us that he wanted to stimulate competition for places. He expected exemplary behaviour on and off the field. He found time to talk to each of us individually. He said that he wanted us to be one big family. He said England had slipped in the global ratings and he wanted to see us back near the top of the ladder before the 1978 World Cup. We were going to do it, he said, for the fans and the country and he then announced that he'd adopted 'Land of Hope and Glory' as England's anthem.
He appealed to our sense of patriotism but there were other more basic elements in the Revie package. He said, for instance, that he was going to negotiate a better financial deal for the players with the FA. At the time we received £100 as an appearance fee every time we played for England but he later secured an additional £100 for a draw and £200 for a win. He also tossed in the fact that he thought winning the 1978 World Cup should be worth as much as £10,000 a man. We later learned that the FA's International Committee had agreed to the new manager's request to pay £2,000 a man for qualifying for the 1976 European Championship, £1,000 for winning the quarter-final, £1,000 for winning the semi-final and a further £1,000 for winning the title. This was naturally well received by the players. Win bonuses were common at most clubs. But, to be honest, no one was going to play any harder because of the extra money.
Others were not so sure about Revie or his motives. A long-time adversary, Alan Hardaker, the hard-nosed secretary of the Football League, was convinced that Revie was 'money mad'. This perception grew during Revie's reign until it was not uncommon to see newspaper headlines referring to him as 'Don Readies'. I'm not sure that this was entirely fair. The professional game was changing and, like it or loathe it, the FA had a duty to keep pace. Don was criticised for involving the England squad in commercial deals, including the new shirt contract with Admiral, but people forget that most of the revenue filtered back into the game and helped improve standards and facilities at all levels.
The commercial aspect was becoming increasingly important, but for me and the majority of my team-mates the honour of simply playing for England was enough motivation. Even so, the manager said he would test our loyalty and commitment by insisting we report for duty whenever we were selected for an international match. If a player was genuinely injured, he said, he would be sent home after he had been examined by the England team doctor. Most players were desperate to wear the England shirt but some clubs would pull them out of international duty at the first sign of a tweaked muscle. Revie, of course, was well aware of this. As the manager of Leeds he hadn't needed much of an excuse to withdraw his players from international duty.
He hadn't left much to chance as a club manager and he was just as diligent and organised at international level. He was methodical, forthright and liked to ensure the players were kept busy when they were on international duty. The Ramsey regime had been more relaxed. Don introduced games like bingo and carpet bowls and a 10pm curfew. He made it clear when we all gathered for the first time on that Saturday evening in Manchester that any player not in his room by ten that night would not be invited again.
Les Cocker, his assistant, used to tour the corridors when we were in hotels, ensuring that all the players were in their rooms. If you couldn't sleep you were given a sleeping pill. I never had trouble sleeping before a game. I always filled my time reading, listening to music or playing cards with Kevin Keegan and Emlyn Hughes.
Don tried to recreate with England what he had at Leeds. He wanted the kind of unity and camaraderie he had fostered at Elland Road. He loved getting the players together. He loved team meetings. His preparation for matches was thorough. He told you what he expected from you. He loved dossiers. Before a match each player would receive a written breakdown of the opposition. We were expected to study this so that we were prepared for whatever our opponents served up. There were some useful bits of information about how the opposing team took their free kicks and defended at corners. But reading that your opponent 'has a great left foot' isn't good for confidence! In those days, of course, foreign teams and players could be a real mystery package. Today, because of extensive TV coverage, most Premiership players know everything about their rivals worldwide and in many cases play with or against them on a regular basis.
Forty years ago I suppose Don was simply trying to familiarise his team with the opposition. In that sense he was a thoroughly modern manager. Unlike Ramsey, he courted the media. He also renewed hostilities with Hardaker, with whom he had crossed swords many times as manager of Leeds. He wanted the First Division fixtures postponed on the Saturday before international matches so that his players would be well-rested and injury-free – a debate that was to rage on for years.
He wanted to spend more time with the players to work on tactics and team shape. He believed in a rigid structure. I found that strange. I was used to Ron Greenwood at West Ham. He encouraged you to do the unexpected. He liked a good degree of flexibility in his team. But Don wanted us to keep our shape. He was essentially a 4-4-2 man, though he occasionally played with three in midfield, and if you did anything to unbalance the structure you were in trouble.
I played 17 times for England during the three years of Revie's reign and I started most of those games wide on the left. You didn't always see a lot of the ball in the wide positions and if I wasn't getting involved I tended to float inside to look for the ball. But, when I did that, I got a rollicking for unbalancing the team. At West Ham Ron Greenwood had taught me the value of creating and using space. I had been encouraged to search for space. It was almost the essence of the game as West Ham played it. But at half time in the European Championship tie with Portugal at Wembley in November 1974 Don took me to one side and said: 'For God's sake stay wide – you're unbalancing the team.'
A crowd of 84,461 jeered and booed as we left the pitch at the end of the goalless draw with Portugal. We didn't deserve much better, to be fair. But it hadn't been like that three weeks earlier when Don led the team out for his first game in charge. It was against Czechoslovakia, the opening fixture in the qualifying programme for Euro 1976. We looked good in our new Admiral kit, with red and white stripes down the arms, and the crowd, given song sheets before the kick-off, captured the mood of optimism by singing 'Land of Hope and Glory'. Gerry Francis, then just 22, made his debut in what was quite a young side. Only Emlyn Hughes and Colin Bell had played more than 30 times for England.
I started on the bench which more or less confirmed my suspicions that Revie had a more defensive outlook than Ramsey. As an attacking player I suspected that my England opportunities might be limited under Revie. My chance came in the 65th minute with the game deadlocked at 0-0. I was sent on to replace Martin Dobson and, at the same time, QPR winger Dave Thomas, making his debut, replaced Frank Worthington.
Dave was one of the best wingers in the game at the time and, two minutes after his introduction, he supplied the cross from which Mick Channon scored the opening goal. That was the break-through. Suddenly the game changed and we swamped them, scoring twice more through Colin Bell in the space of nine minutes. In the end it was a comfortable victory and the crowd cheered and sang as we left the pitch. I remember the big smile on Don's face. He couldn't have asked for a better start. His decision to introduce twin substitutes was interpreted as a tactical masterstroke. It was obvious that his attitude towards substitutions was very different to Ramsey's.
I thought Dave Thomas and I had made a good impression and, three weeks later, we were in the starting line-up for the game against Portugal. The manager played me wide on the right but, with my tendency to drift out of position, he wasn't very happy with my contribution. How else could you explain the fact that I had to wait a full 12 months for my next England cap? By that time, the Czechs had thrashed Cyprus 4-0, Portugal 5-0 and beaten England 2-1 in Bratislava in a match that was initially abandoned after the first 17 minutes because of fog. Those results more or less secured the Czechs a place in the 1976 European finals. They finished one point ahead of England in the qualifying group and – what most people forget – went on to win the European title, beating West Germany on penalties after a 2-2 draw that went to extra time in Belgrade.
During the year I was on the sidelines as Revie chopped and changed his personnel, giving chances to players like Stoke's Alan Hudson, Leicester's Steve Whitworth, QPR's Ian Gillard, Ipswich's Kevin Beattie, David Johnson and Colin Viljoen, Manchester City's Dennis Tueart and Brian Little of Aston Villa. If the football was sometimes of indifferent quality, the fact was that England remained unbeaten in Revie's first nine games. This run of results included a 2-0 win over West Germany, their first defeat since winning the World Cup the previous year. Revie reinstated 1966 hero Alan Ball as captain for this game and gave a debut to Hudson, who had all the qualities needed, on the field at least, to be an international midfield player.
He played well against the Germans and was retained in mid-field for the next game – a Euro qualifier against Cyprus at Wembley. Newcastle's Malcolm Macdonald, who had scored against the Germans, set a post-war record by scoring all of England's goals in the 5-0 rout of Cyprus. Hudson, too, was an influential figure once more but, inexplicably, Revie discarded him and he never played for England again. Looking back, two England caps seems a pitifully small return for a player of Hudson's talent.
While Revie talked a lot about recreating the harmonious atmosphere he'd had at Leeds he was beginning to mystify the players by dropping some without warning and for no obvious reason. He so upset Kevin Keegan when he left him out of the team, without explanation, for a Home Championship clash with Wales that he packed his bags and stormed off. When Revie finally got the chance to explain, he told Kevin that he wanted to rest him so that he was fresh for the big Home Championship clash against Scotland at Wembley. He could have told him that in the first place.
Sure enough, Kevin was in the line-up against the Scots. I was by now beginning to wonder whether I'd ever get back in the side, especially as England thrashed Scotland 5-1, with Gerry Francis, one of my midfield rivals, scoring twice. Gerry had good all-round skills, though he was often troubled by injury. Nonetheless he looked as though he would be an England fixture for years when Revie decided to make him captain.
This decision came out of the blue and no one was more surprised than the 1966 hero Alan Ball, who had been captain in the previous six matches. Alan knew nothing about it until a journalist called his wife, asking for a reaction to his being dropped. 'Bally' was furious. 'I cherished the captaincy,' he said at the time. He wondered whether it was Revie's response to a rare indiscretion when Alan and some other players broke the evening curfew and went out for a drink during a three-day get-together at West Lodge Park hotel near Cockfosters, north London. Whatever the reason, the match against Scotland was the 72nd and last time Alan played for England. He was just 30.
Although no one realised it then, the 5-1 thrashing of the Scots was one of the few highlights of the Revie managerial reign. The defeat in Czechoslovakia put our European Championship hopes in jeopardy and meant that we had to win our final game in Portugal to have any chance of qualifying. I was delighted to be recalled after a year's absence for such an important game, but we performed indifferently. Rui Rodrigues gave Portugal the lead with a spectacular free kick after 16 minutes in the old Estadio Jose Alvalade and although Mick Channon got a goal back it wasn't enough. A week later the Czechs beat Cyprus 3-0, eliminating England and securing their place in the final.
It was the beginning of the end for Don. Bitterly disappointed to fall at the first hurdle as England manager, he embarked on a team-rebuilding programme. I hoped I would be part of this and, despite my long absence, had some reason for optimism. He had called 30 players together at West Lodge Park and I had been one of them. During a private chat he told me that he thought I could be a regular member of his team if I could adopt a more aggressive attitude and dictate the pattern of play. 'You've got a tendency to drift out of the game,' he said. 'You drift along instead of shaping the way you want the game to go.'
It was well-meaning advice and I accepted much of it. I knew I could be more assertive and I vowed then to try to add a little more aggression to my game if and when I was next picked. Sure enough, I was called into the team for the first fixture of 1976 – the Welsh FA Centenary game in Wrexham. With the European failure still raw, Revie gave starting places to six new caps – Trevor Cherry (Leeds), Phil Neal (Liverpool), Phil Thompson (Liverpool), Mike Doyle (Manchester City), Phil Boyer (Norwich City) and Ray Kennedy (Liverpool). He also gave debuts to two of the substitutes – Dave Clement (QPR) and Peter Taylor (Crystal Palace).
Maybe the manager's encouraging words had an effect, but whatever the reason I played well. It was possibly my best game for England during Don Revie's reign. Terry Yorath, the Wales captain who had played under Revie for Leeds, was my immediate opponent. He was a hard ball-winner in midfield and was also a good long-passer. I think he had a hard time that night. I played in central midfield because Ray Kennedy was given the wide role on the left. Ray scored our first goal and Peter Taylor, brought on to replace Channon, scored the second. Pete was the first Third Division player to appear in an England shirt since 1962 when another Palace player, Johnny Byrne, made his debut.
Pete, who later worked with me as a youth coach at the FA and, of course, managed England for one match following the departure of Kevin Keegan, was an outstandingly talented winger who never quite fulfilled his promise. Revie, and all the players for that matter, enjoyed his company because he was a funny guy in the dressing room and his Norman Wisdom act used to have us rolling about on the floor with laughter. When looked at in the context of the modern game, it is astonishing to think that Revie unearthed Peter Taylor from the third tier of the English League. He kept him in the side for the next match – against Wales again, but this time in the Home Championship at Ninian Park – and Pete responded with the only goal of the game. Three new players appeared in an England shirt that day – Manchester United's Brian Greenhoff and Stuart Pearson and Tony Towers of Sunderland.
That meant that in consecutive games Revie had handed out 11 new caps. It was becoming increasingly obvious that while he had initially sought to replicate the cosy family atmosphere he'd created among a close-knit bunch of players at Leeds, he was now chopping and changing to an unrealistic extent. Players were mystified when he made seven changes for one match and another seven for the next match. For my part I never felt a permanent member of the squad. I never had the feeling that I was an integral part of his plans. I wasn't the only one who felt that way. There was no stability and no established pattern of play. He was ruthless enough to make wholesale changes but not far-seeing enough to realise that he needed a settled team to be successful.
Revie introduced more new players for the US Bicentennial Tournament at the end of the 1975–76 season. He brought in the Aston Villa goalkeeper Jimmy Rimmer, the Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Corrigan, Ray Wilkins, the 19-year-old Chelsea midfield player and Gordon Hill, the Manchester United winger. It was a good trip designed, I thought at least in part, to help us prepare for the opening World Cup qualifying fixture in Finland in June. We played well but lost 1-0 to Brazil in Los Angeles where I witnessed probably the best pass I'd ever seen – a 60-yarder from the left foot of Roberto Rivelino.
Five days later we faced Italy in New York – a significant game because the Italians were in our World Cup qualifying group. I played again, but Revie decided to make changes rather than field his strongest team. He didn't want to give away too much to the Italians so Ray Clemence, Colin Todd, Trevor Cherry and Kevin Keegan were all left on the sidelines. Revie was always looking for ways to gain a small tactical advantage. Once, in a friendly match against Switzerland in Basle at the start of the season, he tried to confuse watching rival managers by mixing up all our shirt numbers!
We were the ones in a state of confusion in New York, though, when Torino's young striker Francesco Graziani scored twice for Italy in the first half. I thought we might be overrun but we pulled ourselves together in the second half. Young Wilkins played brilliantly on his debut in the centre of midfield and had a significant role in our revival. We scored three goals in seven minutes – Mick Channon, captain for the day, providing two and Phil Thompson scoring the other. It was a good confidence boost, considering what was coming up a few months later. After that 3-2 win we flew to Philadelphia for our final tour match against a North American select team that included Bobby Moore, Tommy Smith, Mike England and Pele. Because 'Team America' wasn't recognised as an official US team the match didn't have full international status, but it was useful. I played again in midfield with Trevor Cherry and Gerry Francis and we won 3-1. Kevin Keegan scored twice for us and the former Watford winger Stewart Scullion scored for the Americans.
A week after returning from the United States we faced Finland in Helsinki. This was the start of a World Cup adventure that we hoped would lead to Argentina in 1978. We were buoyant as we flew out, with Elton John among the guests on the England charter plane. We couldn't have made a more encouraging start and, for once, the manager seemed to have something like a settled team in a 4-3-3 formation. Pearson, Channon and Keegan played at the front, as they had done in three of the previous four games, and the midfield of Francis, Cherry and Brooking had played together in America.
All three front players scored on a bumpy pitch, Kevin netting two, in a 4-1 win. It was perhaps the highlight of Revie's reign though, in all honesty, the score did little more than reflect the vast gulf in football status between the two countries. We started the 1976–77 season with a disappointing 1-1 draw against the Republic of Ireland at Wembley – Derby County's Charlie George playing 77 minutes of his only England game – and a month later met the Finns again in the second leg of the World Cup qualifier at Wembley. This time the gulf in class wasn't so apparent. I retained my position in midfield, until I was replaced by substitute Mick Mills in the 75th minute. I was about to take a corner on the far side of the pitch when the referee halted play so that England could make the substitution. You're never happy to be substituted but it's a particularly bleak experience if you have to trot across the width of the pitch as I did that day. It was a much-changed England team this time and we struggled to win 2-1. At the end we knew that, from a goal difference point of view, we had missed a big opportunity. We left the field to growls of disapproval. There was a sense of foreboding and discontent as we prepared for the big one – the heavyweight clash with Italy in Rome.
Revie's team selection for this match was partly determined by long-term injuries to Colin Bell and Gerry Francis but was also influenced by his own self-doubts and uncertainties. He bowed to public pressure by recalling the QPR striker Stan Bowles, who had talent but was so unpredictable. He'd walked out when Joe Mercer dropped him from the line-up to face the Scots but his inclusion, and that of team-mate Dave Clement at right-back, reflected the emergence of QPR under Dave Sexton in the mid-seventies. Unfortunately, the back four of Clement, Hughes, McFarland and Mills had never played together before. What's more, I was the only attacking player in midfield. Trevor Cherry and Brian Greenhoff were essentially defensive players. It was a team designed to contain the Italians, who Revie had watched seven times. His dossiers were inches thick!
The Italians, who had beaten England for the first time in 40 years of trying in 1973, chose seven players from Juventus and, inevitably, looked far more of a team than we did. But for the first 30 minutes Enzo Bearzot's young side struggled to make any headway. Then, ten minutes before half time, Giancarlo Antognoni's free kick took a wicked deflection on its way past Ray Clemence into the net. Our response was indifferent. We hardly had a sight of the Italian goal. Stan Bowles was isolated at the front and there was a sense that a single-goal defeat might not be the end of the world. We could beat them by a greater margin in the return at Wembley and still qualify. That theory came to an abrupt end 12 minutes from time when Roberto Bettega, the 'White Feather' from Juventus, scored with a flying header. We knew then that we had almost certainly blown our chances of qualifying for Argentina. Bettega was a gifted technical player, a great stylist with many admirers. Years later Liam Brady recalled that when he left Arsenal to join Juventus he shared a room with Bettega, because he spoke English. Liam got an early taste of the Bettega 'style' on their first trip. While he was lounging around their room in his Y-fronts Bettega was resplendent in Givenchy dressing gown and Gucci slippers.
The Italians had a good team that was particularly ruthless and efficient when it came to defending a lead. They had some really strong and devious players, such as Marco Tardelli and Claudio Gentile. They didn't miss a trick. When Emlyn Hughes lost his boot one of the Italian players kicked it straight into the crowd. Emlyn had to hobble about while the England staff in the dugout searched for another boot. 'The bastards!' said Revie grimly to his colleagues on the bench. 'You don't like it but you have to admire it!' My immediate opponent that day was Romeo Benetti, who was a chunkier version of Peter Storey. He went in hard and wasn't too bothered if he was a bit late with his tackle. His stare alone would stop a buffalo in its tracks!
Morale was low when we flew home from Rome and had not improved much when we faced Holland three months later in a prestigious friendly match. Holland at that time meant Johan Cruyff, the maestro of the Total Football strategy with which the Dutch enthralled the world in the seventies. Their starting line-up that night at Wembley included seven of the team that had been beaten by the Germans in the 1974 World Cup final – Suurbier, Rijsbergen, Krol, Neeskens, Rep, Cruyff, Rensenbrink.
I retained my place in England's midfield and Revie gave a debut to 22-year-old Trevor Francis, who had just scored six goals in five matches for Birmingham City, including a hat-trick against Arsenal. In all, Revie made five changes to the side beaten by the Italians but it made little difference. He had repeated the mistake he made in Rome by fielding two ball-winners in midfield – Brian Greenhoff and Paul Madeley. It was a disaster. The Dutch were all over us. Their concept of Total Football, of creating space and running off the ball, couldn't have been further from Revie's rigid team structure.
We were given a lesson in how to play the game. After 30 minutes, Cruyff and Neeskens split our defence, allowing Jan Peters to run through and shoot past Clemence. Nine minutes later Peters took a pass from Hovenkamp, sidestepped Beattie and drove his second goal past Clemence. It was the first time the Dutch had beaten England in six attempts. For me, the match had been a great educational experience. Watching Cruyff and Johan Neeskens – who were both at Barcelona at the time – was a pleasure. I think the Dutch team of the seventies was the best international side I played against in my career. When they were moving into space and passing the ball well they were untouchable. I'm reminded of them when I watch the current Barcelona in action.
The way they played in the seventies almost defies description. They had a flowing, fluid, rotational style with the emphasis very much on attack. Practically every player was encouraged to go forward and take risks. Cruyff could turn up at right-back or left-wing. It didn't seem to make any difference to the efficiency of the team. It was very different from the structural style of play employed by most English teams. When I was at Lilleshall studying for my coaching badge the FA coaching guru Allen Wade organised a session based on the Total Football concept. In the match, I played at right-back. Everyone played out of their natural position so that they could appreciate the things an opponent would be thinking and doing in a real match situation. It was an interesting exercise but I think the coaching purist would have considered it a disaster.
For five or six years Cruyff was easily the best player in the world. He was two-footed, beat defenders with ease, scored goals, and his decision-making was brilliant. I loved watching him. He won six league titles with Ajax and three European Cups, and was European Footballer of the Year three times. Strangely, he refused to play for his country in the 1978 World Cup in Argentina. Many Dutchmen still feel today that with Cruyff in the team Holland would have won the title instead of losing 3-1 after extra time to the host nation in the final.
I think the nature of the Dutch defeat confirmed the suspicions of several senior figures in the dressing room: while we had good-quality individual players we were not performing well enough as a team. In many ways it was a landmark moment for England, but not as significant as the first Wembley defeat against foreign opposition – beaten 6-3 by Hungary in 1953. After all, we had only _just_ failed to qualify for the 1978 World Cup finals. We had the same number of points as the group winners, Italy, and had conceded the same number of goals (four). But they had scored three more goals than us and so qualified on goal difference.
I don't think Don's obsession with tinkering with the team line-ups helped our cause. We had good players but he often used them in unfamiliar positions. He'd often play me wide on the left when I was playing well for West Ham in a central midfield role. I think one of the problems all England managers have faced is the shortage of preparation time. Don had a fabulous team at Leeds – great individuals who played well together – but they had benefited from years of work as a group on the training pitch. A good coach can reap huge rewards from long hours spent working on organisation and team play on the training pitch. Look at what Brian Clough achieved at Nottingham Forest. Even his most ardent fans wouldn't claim that his sides were packed with international super-stars. Yet, with players like Ian Bowyer, Frank Clark, John O'Hare, Garry Birtles, Larry Lloyd, Gary Mills and Bryn Gunn he led Forest to consecutive European Cup triumphs. He may not have had the best individuals in Europe but he did have the best team.
Several senior players, Mick Channon among them, were voicing their opinions about England's decline at this time. Mick was the most capped player under Revie, but he thought that the manager was placing too much emphasis on tactics. Others mocked his intensity or his passion for parlour games and dossiers. Don must have sensed the discontent among the players. I was one of seven dropped a month later when we met Luxembourg in a World Cup qualifier at Wembley. More than 81,000 turned up to watch England win 5-0. Ray Kennedy took my place on the left and Revie handed more debuts, to John Gidman, the Aston Villa right-back, and Paul Mariner, the Ipswich Town striker.
I was back in the team two months later for the Home Championship clash with Northern Ireland in Belfast, not the most relaxed place to visit in those times. On this occasion Revie made eight changes and gave a debut to Ipswich's Brian Talbot, who came on as a substitute and set up the winner for Dennis Tueart in England's 2-1 victory. Then it really started to go wrong for Revie. We met Wales at Wembley three days after the Irish match. It was an unusual England side, with Ray Kennedy and me both in the team that showed another five changes. There was only one goal – and the Welsh scored it. Peter Shilton fouled Leighton James after Emlyn Hughes slipped up and the Welsh winger scored from the penalty spot. It was the first time the Welsh had won at Wembley in peacetime.
Worse was to follow. Four days later, on 4 June 1977, the 'old enemy' visited Wembley for the decisive Home International match. I was picked in the team originally but had to drop out with a training-ground injury. I sat in the stands with the squad members who were not involved in the match. In those days you had to wear your FA blazer, so we were easily identifiable to the Scots sitting around us. We became the focus of their attention as the Scots first dismantled the England team and then the Wembley goalposts. The Scots needed only a point to share the title with Wales but a win would give it to them outright. It had been ten years since they'd last won at Wembley. The Scots delighted their thousands of fans in the stadium by taking the lead two minutes before half time, Gordon McQueen rising above the England defence to head a free kick past Ray Clemence. Kenny Dalglish scored a second in the 59th minute and although Mick Channon scored from the penalty spot in the 87th minute it was too little too late to save England.
It was the first time England had lost successive games at Wembley. The Scots were deliriously happy and their fans invaded the pitch at the end, snapping both crossbars and ripping up the netting and large areas of turf. The TV pictures from Wembley that day made unedifying viewing and strengthened the growing calls for fences, travel bans, identity cards – in fact, anything that might halt the descent into anarchy on England's football terraces.
Three Wembley defeats in the space of three months represented a unique blip in England's long and distinguished record. Those results against Holland, Wales and Scotland plus the almost inevitable failure to qualify for the 1978 World Cup – the Scots, meanwhile, were on their way to Argentina – heightened Revie's disillusionment. I think he believed there was a conspiracy to oust him and so he began quietly plotting an escape route. The players knew nothing of this as they prepared for a summer tour to South America, originally arranged as part of England's rehearsals for the World Cup in Argentina the following year. The press had slaughtered Revie, and when his assistant Les Cocker addressed the touring party before our departure he said: 'The boss has had a bit of stick so I've told him to take a rest for a few days.'
Cocker, a former Stockport County striker who had coached both Leeds United and England since 1962, added that Revie would be flying to Helsinki to watch World Cup rivals Italy play Finland and would join the touring party for England's second match against Argentina. But, secretly, Revie went first to Dubai where he agreed a contract to become the national manager of the United Arab Emirates for a reputed £340,000 over four years, a small fortune in those days. He then went to watch Italy in Finland before flying to Buenos Aires.
The players still knew nothing. The opening tour match was against Brazil and the likes of Zico, Rivelino and Paulo Cesar. It ended goalless in Rio. I had hoped to play but pulled up with a recurrence of my hamstring strain in training and was sent home along with Manchester United's injured Gordon Hill. By the time Revie arrived in Argentina a couple of days later Italy had beaten Finland 3-0 and virtually clinched World Cup qualification. His first appointment in Buenos Aires was with Dick Wragg, the chairman of the FA's International Committee. He told him that he wanted the FA to pay up the remaining two years of his contract, together with that of Les Cocker. He said that he was convinced the FA was about to sack him. Wragg was astonished. When FA secretary Ted Croker heard the news he said: 'To say he was leaving England in the lurch and wanted paying off for the privilege was laughable.'
Revie resumed control of the team for the remaining two matches. A 1-1 draw with World Cup hosts Argentina – Passarella, Ardiles, Tarantini et al – was memorable only for the dismissal of Trevor Cherry, who had his two front teeth knocked out by Daniel Bertoni. The final match was a goalless draw with Uruguay in Montevideo, notable only for the fact that it was Revie's last in charge. But no one knew that at the time.
It wasn't until early July that the _Daily Mail_ broke the story of Revie's defection to the UAE. He'd actually been approached by the FA about renewing his contract, but his mind was made up. Like everyone else, the FA learned about Revie's exit from the newspaper. There was a sense of outrage, particularly when rumours emerged that he had been paid £20,000 by the _Daily Mail_ for his exclusive story.
I wasn't entirely surprised that he'd gone. Nor were most of the other players. He'd won only two of his last nine games. He'd failed to qualify for the European finals and was about to fail again in the World Cup. He hadn't been able to replicate his success at club level. He hated criticism. As the pressure mounted he became increasingly frustrated. It wasn't the fact that he'd deserted that upset people as much as the way he did it. It was impossible to defend the manner of his departure.
But defend it he did. A messy legal wrangle ensued. Revie was accused by the FA of bringing the game into disrepute on four counts and was banned from involvement in football for ten years. He eventually had the ban lifted in the High Court but the judge's claim that he was deceitful and greedy further harmed his reputation. His deal with the Arabs made him rich, of course, but little else. He worked as national manager of the UAE, then coached two club sides, Al-Nassr and Al-Ahly, from 1977 to 1985. When he returned to the UK he retired to Scotland and died in Edinburgh of motor neurone disease at the age of 61. The FA had no representative at his funeral but all of his old Leeds United players attended.
Sadly, his England reign coincided with one of the darkest periods in the national game. But many of his problems were of his own making. He used an incredible number of players – 52 – during his 29 matches, whereas Ramsey had used 95 players in 113 matches. Ironically, the only unchanged team he fielded was in his last game against Uruguay in Montevideo.
Looking back now, I think his failures to qualify for the European Championship finals in 1976 and the World Cup in 1978 lie behind his inability to build a settled team and find a successful playing style. It was not the failures themselves, but the fact that England's absence from tournament football meant he never had the players together for any significant period. During my time at the FA it became clear how highly coaches value a few weeks of tournament football. These are the only occasions when international coaches can spend quality time getting their ideas across to individuals and the squad as a whole. Don Revie created a successful formula at Leeds United but, naturally, had the benefit of working with his players regularly over an extended period. As England manager he was never going to enjoy the same advantages as a club manager, but he did have two opportunities to have his squad together for significant periods of time at major tournaments. He squandered both in the qualifying campaigns and this failure, I think, helps explain why he struggled as England manager.
#### CHAPTER 9
#### 'CAN YOU HEAR ME, MAGGIE THATCHER?'
IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY, _Yours Sincerely_ , Ron Greenwood recalled once being asked to whom he was answerable as team manager of England. Ron replied: 'Nobody – except the nation.' The man who offered me a chance as a youngster at West Ham became manager of England, initially on a caretaker basis, in August 1977. He accepted the FA's invitation to act as team manager for three matches while they searched for a permanent replacement for Don Revie.
His desertion had left a sour taste and the then FA chairman, Professor Sir Harold Thompson, told the media that England needed a steady hand to restore faith and dignity. Ron was the right man for the job at the right time. He had become increasingly disenchanted with the game since handing over the first-team reins at West Ham to John Lyall in 1974, but had never lost his enthusiasm for working with players. He needed to be on the training pitch, and his decision to become general manager at West Ham robbed him of the one aspect of the game that mattered most to him.
The FA's invitation to take over gave him the chance to pull on a tracksuit again and get out on the pitch. It was what he was good at. He was the most imaginative and thoughtful coach I worked with in my career. Technically there was no one to touch him. He was acknowledged globally as one of football's most innovative coaches. Even today, England players of that era will tell you how much they thought of him. The Liverpool lads of the time were playing for the best, most successful club in Europe and they thought he was terrific to work with. It was a great shame that he was lost to the game after his five-year reign as England manager.
In the summer of 1977 he, along with former England manager Walter Winterbottom, was part of the FIFA technical committee at the first World Youth Championship in Tunisia. It was while he was in Tunisia that the FA approached West Ham and asked for permission to speak to Ron. When he returned home the first call he received was from the West Ham chairman, Reg Pratt. He told Ron that the FA wanted to speak to him urgently. 'I think they're in trouble after the Revie business,' he explained.
Many years earlier, when Ron was coaching at Arsenal, he had been appointed manager of the England Under-23 team. Walter Winterbottom was the senior team manager and had hopes of succeeding Sir Stanley Rous as secretary of the Football Association. Walter asked Ron how he'd feel about becoming England manager if he got the FA job as secretary. As it turned out Walter didn't get the job – Denis Follows did – and Alf Ramsey eventually took over as manager.
Ramsey proved to be the right man at the time. Fourteen years later, when Ron was finally appointed as manager, he acknowledged that he simply would not have had the experience for the job in 1963. Looking back, I have no doubt that he had all the necessary qualities when he succeeded Revie. There is a big difference between managing a club and managing a national team but Ron had the knowledge to bridge the gap. The weight of responsibility on the shoulders of the national team manager is huge. Triumph and despair at club level are largely a matter of local interest but, as Ron pointed out, the England manager answers to the country.
Ron was under no illusions. Revie's departure had been sudden. Ron knew that he was probably the only suitable candidate available to take the job at short notice. He also knew that there was a widely held view in the game that he was a 'purist', more concerned about the finer values of the sport than winning for the sake of winning. He knew the FA were advertising for a long-term successor to Revie. He also knew that his ideas about the way the game should be played were better suited to the international game. He wanted to put his ideas into practice but did he have the time to get his thoughts across to the players? Time is always the enemy of the England manager.
Initially, he decided to go on a nationwide tour, visiting every dressing room in the Football League where an England player was in residence. There was only one place to start – Liverpool. They had more England players than anyone else – Ray Clemence, Phil Neal, Phil Thompson, Ray Kennedy, Emlyn Hughes, Ian Callaghan and Terry McDermott, who was to become the first new cap of the Greenwood reign. The biggest name at Liverpool was Kevin Keegan but between his appearances in the 1977 FA Cup final and the European Cup final four days later he had negotiated his £500,000 transfer to SV Hamburg.
Ron listened to what Liverpool's England players – minus Keegan of course – had to say. Emlyn Hughes gave him the impression that they half-expected the latest England manager to walk into the Anfield dressing room wearing a mortarboard and gown. They thought that Ron was a bit of an egghead. He had a mild, schoolmasterly nature and it was true that he had emerged as a coach at a time when footballing academics like Walter Winterbottom and Allen Wade were significant figures in the professional game. But it was unfair to describe him as scholastic. There was far more to the man who was born in a little Lancashire pit village where the kids wore shoes only to go to church and Sunday school.
Ron did nothing to disguise the fact that he had been seriously impressed by the Liverpool players. They had just won the European Cup and were all cult heroes on Merseyside, but there was nothing pretentious about them. That initial meeting was very important in convincing him that he was right to go round the clubs addressing the England men. He took notes wherever he went and, apparently, when he returned to West Ham I told him that the England squad were taking full advantage of the wonderful range of food available at the West Lodge Park hotel!
Some players felt a need for better liaison between the dressing room and the manager. From that suggestion came the appointment of my former West Ham team-mate Geoff Hurst to work on the backroom staff alongside the Scottish-born Fulham and Manchester City coach, Bill Taylor. At the time Geoff was the player-manager of Telford in the Southern League. Only a decade before he'd been a World Cup winner so he had a status that made him ideal for the part-time job with England.
Ron used him to demonstrate ideas he was trying to put across on the training pitch and to sound out the players about things like hotels, travel arrangements and match preparation. It quickly became clear that few had appreciated Revie's strict regime. They had often been pushed into unfamiliar routines. Ron didn't like that. He wanted the players to relax and enjoy their time with England. He told us that, within reason, we could do exactly as we did with our clubs. If we wanted tea in bed in the morning it was okay. If we wanted to go to the cinema in the evening that was okay too. Ron believed that self-discipline was the best kind of discipline. When newcomers joined the squad they were told by the established players: 'Don't mess anything up because you'll be letting us all down.'
Ron's temporary appointment spanned three matches – a friendly against Switzerland at Wembley and two World Cup qualifiers, away to Luxembourg and at home to Italy. As we had already lost the crucial qualifier in Italy a year earlier our chances of getting to Argentina in 1978 were already slim.
The first game against the Swiss, just four weeks after Ron's appointment, followed a winless run of five games. Confidence was low. Not surprisingly, Ron chose a team with six Liverpool players – including that new cap for McDermott – and Kevin Keegan. Ian Callaghan's last cap had been 11 years earlier, against France in the 1966 World Cup. Me? I was in the squad, but not in the team. Any hopes I had that Ron's presence might be beneficial to me quickly evaporated.
England didn't play well. The Swiss defended in depth and earned a goalless draw, a result that gave Ron plenty to think about. Five of the Liverpool team retained their places for the next match, including the 35-year-old Callaghan. Goal difference might have been important but we failed to do ourselves justice in Luxembourg, winning the World Cup qualifier 2-0.
Then, in November 1977, we faced Italy at Wembley in our last World Cup tie. Qualification for the Italians, who had still to play Luxembourg, was almost a formality. Ron made changes. He called me into midfield alongside Ray Wilkins and gave new caps to two wingers, Steve Coppell and Peter Barnes, and striker Bob Latchford. We used the width of the pitch well and passed them to death. We could have scored four or five but in the end settled for 2-0, with Kevin and me scoring the goals.
Kevin played just behind Bob Latchford that day in what was essentially a 4-2-4 line-up. I'd played with him a few times in the past but on this occasion we really hit it off. I supplied the pass for him to score the opening goal and he returned the compliment, creating my first goal for England. It was the start of something special for the two of us. Kevin was brilliant that day. He showed what he was made of. He kept going and never complained despite the attentions of the two Juventus enforcers Romeo Benetti and Marco Tardelli. He was immensely powerful for a little guy and one of the bravest men I played with.
The whole team played with conviction and confidence and Ron was beaming at the end. I was happy too. It was one of my best games for England. But, in real terms, it didn't count for much. The Italians beat Luxembourg in the final qualifying tie, sending England once again into the World Cup wilderness. The style of the England win over Italy did Ron's chances of getting the job on a full-time basis no harm at all. He was interviewed by the FA International Committee, as were Lawrie McMenemy, Bobby Robson, Allen Wade and, the 'people's choice', Brian Clough. On the day the official announcement was made Ron was having lunch with his wife Lucy near Brighton. They heard the news on the car radio.
The next day Ron faced the media, told them how delighted he was and spelled out his plans for the future. These included adopting the Continental idea of establishing a team of coaches to run England's international sides at all levels. Ron believed it would ensure continuity, so that when he left the job the FA would have in place a pool of coaches from whom to select his successor. The system had been in place for years in Germany where it worked very well indeed. The FA agreed and Ron appointed, on a part-time basis, Bobby Robson and Don Howe to run the B team and Terry Venables, Dave Sexton and Howard Wilkinson to run the Under-21 team.
His choice for the Youth side was bold – Brian Clough and Peter Taylor, the management duo who would lead Nottingham Forest to successive European Cup wins. It was a brave move by Ron, but it didn't last. They argued that their commitment to Forest meant they had little time to work with the Youth team so they stood down and Ron appointed one of the game's brightest young coaches, John Cartwright, a former West Ham player, on a full-time basis. Ron believed that the Youth-team coach was one of the most important jobs in the new set-up.
I think it was a shame that this idea, designed to promote continuity, failed to survive because, in the short term at least, the principle was sound. Three of the coaches Ron appointed went on to manage the senior team: Robson, Venables and Wilkinson, though Howard had only two matches in charge on a caretaker basis.
The two games that followed Ron's confirmation as manager were the toughest you could imagine. Both were against world champions – West Germany in Munich and Brazil at Wembley. I played in Munich, a city in the grip of winter. A foot of snow had been removed from the Olympic Stadium pitch and, to be fair, it played well. Kevin was again outstanding in a head-to-head battle with Rainer Bonhof. A Stuart Pearson header gave us the lead but the German substitute Ronnie Worm pinched an equaliser. The previous night Ronnie had played as a substitute against the England B team on a snowy pitch at Augsburg and scored, though we eventually won 2-1.
A 1-1 draw looked the inevitable outcome in the senior match in Munich until the final seconds when the Germans were awarded a free kick on the edge of our area. Bonhof, a dead-ball specialist, spotted a gap in our wall and curled in the German winner. It was Ron's first defeat as England manager.
I missed the game against Brazil at Wembley because I was injured. Strangely, it was a bit of a kicking match and five of the Brazilians were booked. Their coach at the time, Claudio Coutinho, insisted that Brazil would never recapture their past glories until they learned to be as physical as the Europeans. The match finished 1-1 but I suspect that Ron was really disappointed to see the way the Brazilians played. They were not being true to themselves. In his book there was no greater sin.
We won our next three games, beating Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland in the British Championship, and then faced World Cup qualifiers Hungary at Wembley. England won 4-1 with a team that I think Ron considered his strongest: Shilton; Neal, Watson, Hughes, Mills; Wilkins, Brooking; Coppell, Francis, Keegan, Barnes.
It was a team without the traditional English-style centre-forward but Ron believed that Francis and Keegan gave us pace and mobility at the front, with Coppell and Barnes providing width and me and Wilkins supplying the ideas and patience to keep the whole thing ticking over. It certainly worked well against the Hungarians, who were in Argentina a couple of weeks later for the 1978 World Cup.
There was a sense that the new England squad was shaping up nicely. England had won six of the nine matches since Ron took over. The Germans had been the only team to beat us. We were, quite naturally, upbeat as we set out to qualify for the 1980 European Championship in Italy. We had some jittery moments – a 4-3 thriller in Denmark and a tough 1-1 draw against a very good Republic of Ireland side in Dublin – but put qualification beyond reasonable doubt with a resounding 3-0 win in Bulgaria.
Ron was also encouraged by the new faces pushing for places in the squad. Glenn Hoddle made his debut in the 2-0 win over Bulgaria on a foggy night at Wembley. Bryan Robson's debut came against the Republic of Ireland. Kenny Sansom was capped for the first time in the British Championship clash with Wales and Viv Anderson secured his place in history when he became the first black player to appear in the senior side against Czechoslovakia in November 1978. Black players are now such an integral part of the game that, looking back, I find it amazing that we didn't have a black player in the England team until 1978. At the time I didn't give it a great deal of thought because I was used to playing alongside black players at West Ham.
Viv was a talented full-back and his introduction was a huge plus for the England side. He had an attacking instinct and long legs that helped him execute some really clinical tackles. Three matches after his debut, Ron brought in West Brom's Laurie Cunningham. He was followed by Cyrille Regis, Luther Blissett, Mark Chamberlain and John Barnes. Then Paul Ince became England's first black captain. Black players are now as much a part of the football landscape as white players. I never experienced any racial issues in the dressing room or on the pitch at any level I played. Footballers judge players on their ability. Nothing else matters.
Anderson, who had just won the European Cup with Nottingham Forest for the second time, was named in the squad for the European finals in Italy. There was some justified optimism in the England camp. In the build-up to the tournament we beat Spain 2-0 in Barcelona, world champions Argentina and Diego Maradona 3-1 at Wembley, and Scotland 2-0 at a boisterous Hampden Park. Steve Coppell and I scored the goals against the Scots. How I used to love those games! They were blue-chip occasions in the football calendar, made extra special by the atmosphere at Hampden Park and the greetings we used to receive from the Scottish fans, tartan kilts raised above their heads, as we drove from the airport to the stadium.
Before we set off for Italy that summer we were invited to a send-off party by Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher in Downing Street. It was a wonderful occasion enjoyed by all the players and coaching staff. Afterwards, we posed for photographs on the steps of No. 10 with the prime minister. One of the Fleet Street photographers produced a football and handed it to Mrs Thatcher. Ron said to her: 'Be careful, Prime Minister, or you'll be heading that ball down the street.' She replied: 'If I'm not mistaken, Trevor Brooking does the heading round here, doesn't he?' I was impressed by her knowledge. A week or so earlier I'd headed the only goal in West Ham's FA Cup final win over Arsenal.
The European Championship in 1980 wasn't a memorable tournament and Ron made no excuses for England's poor showing. England's opening game with Belgium in Turin's old Stadio Communale is remembered chiefly for fighting spectators, interruptions to play and clouds of police tear gas. At one point the fumes from the gas were spilling down the terraces on to the pitch. Ray Clemence, standing on the edge of the penalty area as far from his goal as he could safely go, was wiping his eyes and signalling to the bench that he was in trouble. Ron urged the UEFA match adjudicator to ask the West German referee Heinz Aldinger to halt the game. By the time the match was suspended, several players had streaming eyes. The stoppage lasted five minutes but broke our concentration, and it didn't help knowing that once again it was our supporters who had caused the problem.
We took the lead when Ray Wilkins scored with a wonderful lobbed goal, outwitting their offside trap, after 26 minutes. But we couldn't hold on to our advantage and an equaliser by Jan Ceulemans three minutes later triggered the trouble on the terraces. We had a perfectly good goal by Tony Woodcock disallowed and, of course, we didn't know then how critical that was to prove. A 1-1 draw meant that we would probably have to beat Italy to progress and Ron surprised many by choosing a team with Forest striker Garry Birtles alongside his club-mate Woodcock at the front. Sadly, Trevor Francis missed the tournament because of injury and although Keegan captained the England side throughout the tournament his pace had been blunted by ligament trouble picked up with Hamburg.
The inclusion of Birtles was not the only shock. When Ron stood in the middle of our training pitch at Asti to announce the team to face Italy he had another surprise up his sleeve. Well, at least for me it was a surprise! He decided to leave me out and instead play Liverpool's Ray Kennedy. He explained to me that it was essential that we keep our shape in midfield, particularly on our left where Franco Causio would be Italy's main threat. He felt Ray would be a more solid presence. My tendency to drift would leave young Kenny Sansom too exposed at left-back.
Ray had a good game and struck a post but, in the end, the Italians won 1-0 with a goal from Marco Tardelli. Our hopes of winning the tournament were over. In our final game we beat Spain 2-1. I was recalled and scored but it was all academic by then. That evening we sat in our cliff-top hotel and watched Italy and Belgium play out a goalless draw. Belgium went on to the final – where they were narrowly beaten by West Germany – and Italy to the third-place play-off. We headed home and, for the first time, Ron found himself the target of criticism. The inquests droned on for weeks.
Ron was bitterly disappointed that we hadn't performed as well as we should have done in Italy. He felt there was nothing seriously wrong with the squad or the way we played. It could all have been so different had Woodcock's goal been allowed against Belgium. Of his 29 games before the championship started, England had won 20 and drawn six. That was title-winning form. Perhaps the experience would set us up nicely for the 1982 World Cup. Remember, England had failed to qualify for the previous two World Cups. You had to go back to Mexico 1970 and the days of Hurst, Moore and Peters to find an England team competing among the elite of the world game.
We had good reasons to be optimistic when the World Cup qualifying draw put us in a group with Norway, Romania, Switzerland and Hungary. Two nations would qualify for the finals in Spain. I'd never played in the finals and as I'd be 34 in 1982 I knew that this would be my last chance. I realised that I could no longer assume an automatic place in the England team because of my age and the fact that I was playing in the old Second Division with West Ham. This actually made me more determined than ever to retain my place in the squad. I wanted to be in Spain with England. So, clearly, did a lot of other players.
I wasn't picked for the opening qualifier against Norway at Wembley. Ron gave new caps to Arsenal's Graham Rix and Ipswich's Eric Gates, who was to fill in for the injured Keegan. Bryan Robson, winning his third cap, was beginning to look as though he belonged in the England midfield. We won 4-0 without being entirely convincing.
A groin injury kept me out of the next game – a 2-1 defeat to Romania in Bucharest – but I was fit to face Switzerland at Wembley. Ron restored me in midfield, my 40th cap, but we were still without Keegan. This time we won 2-1, with Robson in the role of 'libero' alongside Dave Watson in the heart of our defence. With 58 caps Dave was the only player in the team who had made more England appearances than me. We had made our debuts together against Portugal in 1974. A newcomer, though, was catching the eye. It was becoming increasingly obvious that the talented and versatile Robson was in the side to stay. He had pace, intelligence, good technique, a crisp tackle and could score goals – a future captain, I thought.
Ron discussed the value of the 'libero' style of defence with the players and found that they weren't in favour. It was an alien concept to most English players. He shelved it and, for the next match against Spain at Wembley, played a flat back four with the Ipswich pair, Terry Butcher and Russell Osman, in the heart of the defence. They were caught out once or twice by the pace and ingenuity of the Spanish, who won 2-1 – Ron's first defeat at Wembley since becoming manager.
Fortunately, our defeat to Spain was a friendly match but, unfortunately, it was a taste of things to come. England's fortunes suddenly dipped miserably. We endured six matches without a win – the Spain defeat followed by more home defeats to Brazil (0-1) and Scotland (0-1) and a goalless draw with Wales at Wembley. Crucially, we dropped World Cup qualifying points against Romania and Switzerland.
I played in the goalless draw with Romania, who returned home delighted by the fact that their dour defensive performance meant they had taken three of the possible four qualifying points in their two games against England. When Hungary beat Romania in Budapest a fortnight later our prospects of qualifying looked increasingly slim. We had taken a total of five points from our four games, so the two qualifiers at the end of the season, against Switzerland and Hungary, were now critical.
When we faced the Swiss in Basle I was not even on the bench. As I had not featured in the games against Brazil, Wales or Scotland either I was beginning to suspect that my international career might be over. Perhaps Ron had decided that it was time for me to go but simply couldn't bring himself to tell me. The newspapers were suggesting that my absence was because I was tired after a long season. It had been an arduous few months, with games coming thick and fast. West Ham had finished the 1980–81 season as Second Division champions. We'd also met Liverpool in the League Cup final and played six matches in the European Cup Winners' Cup, but I still wanted to play for my country. I wasn't too tired. I knew I could still do it at the highest level.
Three days before the Swiss match Liverpool beat Real Madrid 1-0 in Paris in the European Cup final. Ron described this victory as a 'great boost' to English soccer and hoped that it would give the players and fans a big lift. Liverpool were the flag-bearers for the English game at the time and the side that beat Real was all-English apart from three Scots – Kenny Dalglish, Alan Hansen and Graeme Souness. How times change! The Real team was all-Spanish apart from England's Laurie Cunningham and Germany's Uli Stielike.
But of Liverpool's European Cup winners only goalkeeper Clemence was in the starting line-up to face Switzerland. Ron rested the others, although Terry McDermott came on as a substitute and scored England's goal in a 2-1 defeat. The hooligan fringe shamed us again in the squares of Basle and the newspapers began to batter Ron. Unbeknown to us, retirement was beginning to beckon the manager.
It was not a happy time. I suspected the atmosphere in the England dressing room would be depressing after the Swiss defeat so I didn't go in. I had already asked Ron for permission to go into town for a meal with Hilkka, who was over for a few days. It was good to talk to her about family matters and forget England's problems for a few hours. World Cup qualification seemed a long way off. We had six days to prepare for a qualifying match that was now critical. Defeat would almost certainly mean failure to qualify. At least this time Ron had the Liverpool players with him during the build-up period.
What none of us knew was that Ron had made up his mind to retire. He had told Ted Croker and Dick Wragg that he would announce his retirement after the Hungary match. They both tried to talk him out of it but he was insistent. England's poor results were his responsibility and he felt it was time to go. Others agreed. One tabloid headline back in the UK read: 'For God's Sake Go Ron!'
We trained with real intensity for a couple of days outside Zurich and then a disgruntled party of players, officials and journalists boarded the FA charter flight to Budapest. Ron kept himself tucked away in the vast Inter-Continental hotel beside the Danube, alone with his thoughts except when we were training. Usually players pick up a few hints about the make-up of the team during the training sessions but on this occasion no one had a clue.
Ron delayed the team announcement by 24 hours and when he finally revealed his hand there were some surprises. Young Kenny Sansom and Ray Wilkins were among four players dropped. Ron recalled the Liverpool men who had missed the Swiss defeat – and me. 'You'll need some practice pulling your boots on,' Keegan said. 'You've been in cobwebs that long!' There was much sarcastic humming of the _Dad's Army_ signature tune by my team-mates as we prepared for the big match. Ron had chosen a well-balanced side with lots of experience and he gave the job of marking Hungary's most influential player, Tibor Nyilasi, to Bryan Robson.
When we arrived in the huge Nep Stadium there was a veterans' match already in progress watched by a packed house of 68,000. They had come to see the Hungarian legend Ferenc Puskas. He was then a portly 54-year-old but he still brought the house down with a hat-trick reminiscent of his great European Cup-winning days with Real Madrid. It was good to see him but I wondered how the warm-up match would affect the pitch. Like all players, I always enjoyed playing on a perfect surface. In truth the pitch in the Nep Stadium was perfect – the best I ever played on. What's more, it was big. I always liked big pitches because small, narrow pitches tended to produce negative, tight, defensive games.
Ron warned us in the dressing room to expect the Hungarians to storm at us in the opening 30 minutes. When they didn't we took the initiative. In the 18th minute Terry McDermott carried the ball to the by-line and pulled it back towards me. The ball clipped a defender on its way to me and was spinning when I connected. I caught the ball on my instep and for a split second it looked as though my shot might curl outside the post. But it swerved just inside the post.
Seconds before the interval Imre Garaba scored an equaliser for the Hungarians and, as we filed off at half time disappointed to have thrown away the lead, I felt a nagging pain in my groin. The Hungarians would have been delighted had they known that during the half-time break Dr Vernon Edwards and England's long-serving physiotherapist, Fred Street, were working hard on the treatment tables with me and Mick Mills.
A versatile defender guaranteed always to give 100 per cent, Mills had a calf muscle strain. Ron asked both of us if we could continue. Mick said he was okay and I asked Ron to give me the first five minutes of the second half to see how the groin reacted to the treatment. As we went back out, Ray Wilkins was warming up just in case I had to be replaced.
The injury nagged away at me a bit but it didn't limit my movement. Looking back, I'm so pleased I stuck at it because in the second half I struck the finest goal I scored in my entire career. It was the 60th minute and the match was finely balanced. Phil Neal, advancing from his right-back position, passed to Kevin, who had his back to goal and saw me coming forward. Kevin laid the ball into my path as I ran towards the penalty area and I struck it first time with my left foot. As I looked up I saw the ball was on target for the angle of post and bar. One worry flashed through my mind – the Continental balls tended to swerve and for a second I thought this might happen. Fortunately the ball didn't deviate an inch. It hit the stanchion and lodged there. I could hardly believe it. Some of our players thought I'd missed the target altogether because the ball didn't bounce down. Many in the crowd, too, must have wondered what had happened to the ball because, initially, it wasn't obvious that it had stuck in the top of the net. 'That was amazing,' beamed Kevin.
At home in Essex, Hilkka and my parents were watching on TV, as were millions of others. She said later that she had to look twice to confirm that it was me that hit the ball. That's how much faith she had in me! It was our 11th wedding anniversary. What a way to celebrate! Two goals, and one a real cracker! To be honest I'd never powered home a goal like that before. It remains one of the great moments of my career. Ten minutes after scoring I was caught by a late tackle that aggravated my groin. I indicated to the bench that I couldn't continue. But before I left the field, to be replaced by Ray Wilkins, Keegan was brought down in the Hungarian area by Garaba. As the referee blew for a penalty Kevin picked up the ball, put it on the spot and drove it into the net, putting the match beyond Hungary's reach.
At the final whistle the TV men grabbed Kevin and me for interviews before the line to London went down. We were late getting back into the dressing room. Ron had thanked the players individually as they filed in, exhausted but elated. 'Where's Kevin and Trevor?' he asked. Doc Edwards explained that we had been snaffled by the TV people. This irritated Ron because no one had asked his permission and he felt the players should have been together at that moment.
A 3-1 victory put us right back in the frame for the World Cup. Ron was absolutely delighted. The great Hungarian side of Puskas and Hidegkuti – 6-3 winners at Wembley in 1953 – had been a huge influence on his career. He had also promised Dick Wragg and Ted Croker that we would win in the Nep Stadium and he had kept his promise. What was unknown to us, of course, was that this was his last match as manager. Finishing with a win in Hungary was, for him, the perfect final curtain.
He kept his after-match press conference short because, as he told me later, he was quite emotional and didn't want to give anything away. 'Thanks for all your support,' he said to the journalists. 'It was a good win, well deserved and it has given me great pleasure to win in Hungary. I'm sorry, but I don't want to answer questions.'
With that he was gone, climbing into the team bus that rocked and rolled all the way back to the hotel on the banks of the Danube. In the restaurant that night my team-mates broke into their version of 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles'. Next morning, as we boarded the plane home, airline staff were handing out the first editions of the Sunday papers from London. The papers hadn't carried the late news from the previous day of England's victory. Instead, the early editions were still mulling over the aftermath of the Swiss defeat. There was a photo of me with a big 'X' over my face. My time was up, the paper claimed. I wasn't the only victim either. In short, the Sunday papers had slaughtered us for the defeat against the Swiss. It amused us all. As we gathered at the airport, the media were back-slapping and full of congratulations. When we saw the papers we realised what the same people had thought of us just 24 hours earlier!
Still, there was a party atmosphere on the plane home. I remember the pilot announcing: 'Ladies and gentlemen, we are now travelling at 550 miles an hour – faster than Trevor's first goal, but slower than his second!' As we flew home that day only two people knew of Ron's decision to quit and one of them, Dick Wragg, was already back in London. He was waiting at Luton airport for the plane to arrive. Then he would officially announce that Ron had decided to retire.
About half an hour before we were due to land Ron got up and pulled across the dividing curtain at the front of the plane to give him and the players some privacy. He thanked us all, said he was convinced we would now qualify for the finals and then said that he thought it was the right moment to retire. He added: 'It's my decision and Mr Wragg is waiting in Luton to announce the news.' The players were shocked. There was a moment's silence and then suddenly an outbreak of heated chattering and exchanges between us. The players huddled around Ron, all talking at once, all urging him to reconsider. Kevin told him he was out of order. It was noisy and emotional and Ron was a little surprised by the strength of the players' reaction.
We kept at him, even as we walked off the plane. Finally Ron buckled. He had a good relationship with the players and was clearly swayed by the force of our argument. As we waited for our luggage, he came over to us and said: 'Okay, I'll tell Mr Wragg I'm not retiring. I'll give it till after the World Cup.' The players agreed unanimously that they wanted Ron Greenwood to continue but it was the older ones, Kevin, Ray Wilkins, Mick Mills and me who worked hardest to get him to change his mind. Would such a thing happen today? I don't think so. Nor would it be possible to keep such drama out of the headlines. It says much for the character and loyalty of the players involved that not a word of what happened on the plane that day crept out into the public domain until Ron finally retired a year later.
For me, it was a wonderful end to a wonderful season. West Ham had stormed back into the old First Division, I'd scored twice in a victory that set England on the road to the World Cup and I got home from Budapest to learn that I had been awarded an MBE in the Queen's Birthday Honours List.
It was a high point for me. What I didn't realise was that there would be no more of them in my playing career. My groin injury continued to trouble me and I missed the start of the new season. West Ham made a great start to their return to Division One, unbeaten in the first nine matches, but I was on the sidelines. Inevitably, this meant that I wasn't considered for our World Cup qualifier against Norway in Oslo. Ron would later say that while the win in Hungary provided some of the finest memories in his career, the defeat in Oslo three months later provided some of the worst.
England's wildly erratic qualifying campaign began with the fixtures meeting involving the five competing nations. Each national manager wants the best for his team on these occasions and negotiations can be fraught. The Norwegians, for instance, would only agree to be England's first opponents at Wembley if they could play the return leg in Oslo in September 1981. No England manager relishes a September international because the domestic season has only just started and most players are still to hit their best form.
This was Norway's biggest game in the qualifying programme and their manager, Tor Fossen, argued that his team would be at their strongest around September. He thought a match in September would give them their best chance of beating England. How right he was! From Ron's point of view, Norway were the weakest team in the group and if we had to play someone in September it might as well be them.
Our win in Hungary had restored the feel-good mood. We had seven points from six games and wins in Norway and against Hungary at Wembley two months later would clinch one of the two qualifying places. Ron made changes to the team that had beaten Hungary. Glenn Hoddle replaced me, Trevor Francis came in for Steve Coppell and Russell Osman for Dave Watson, now 35 and approaching the end of a distinguished 65-cap England career.
It was a team easily good enough to have beaten the part-timers of Norway nine times out of ten and that looked the likely outcome in the 15th minute when Bryan Robson, running on to a flicked header from Kevin Keegan, bundled his way into the six-yard box and turned the ball into the net as he stumbled over their goalkeeper.
There were no excuses for what happened next. We missed chances and made silly mistakes. A tight pitch in the Ullevaal Stadium didn't suit us and a wall-to-wall crowd of 28,000 lifted the Norwegians. But we still should have won. Instead, Roger Albertsen touched a cross from Tommy Lund past Ray Clemence at the near post in the 35th minute. Six minutes later Terry McDermott mistakenly turned a cross into the path of Hallvar Thoresen, who spun round and drove a low shot past our keeper.
We battered them in the second half and Ron sent on Peter Barnes and Peter Withe but Norway held out for the most memorable result in their history. Although Norway had no hope of qualifying for the World Cup, the locals were ecstatic, and rightly so. In the mayhem immediately after the match the radio commentator Bjorge Lillelien, trying to retain a sense of composure while reflecting the full majesty of the achievement, produced one of the best-known passages in the history of football commentary.
'We are the best in the world,' he told his disbelieving audience in a mix of Norwegian and English. 'We are the best in the world. We have beaten England two-one in football. It is completely unbelievable. We have beaten England. England – birthplace of giants! Lord Nelson, Lord Beaverbrook, Winston Churchill, Sir Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana . . . we have beaten them all. Maggie Thatcher! Can you hear me? Maggie Thatcher, your boys took a hell of a beating. I have a message for you. We have knocked England out of the football World Cup. Maggie Thatcher, as they say in your language in the boxing bars in New York: "Your boys took a hell of a beating!"'
Can't argue with that, can you? He hadn't got all his facts quite right, though. While there was no disguising England's humiliation, Norway had not dismissed us from the World Cup. There were still more twists to come in this protracted and tortuous path to Spain. We still had to play our final game against Hungary at Wembley and, although we remained top of our group, Romania, Switzerland and Hungary all had games in hand which could take them above us. Qualification was no longer in our hands.
Ron weathered the inevitable storm and there must have been times when he wished he had stuck by his decision to retire. The media revived their demands for Ron's head and all sorts of accusations were hurled at the players, including a new insult – we were all mercenaries who cared only about how much money we could make. The truth is, of course, that upsets will always happen at every level in football. Norway rose to the occasion. They were playing England and that lifted them. In a sense we paid the price for our reputation. It had happened before (USA 0-1, 1950), has happened since (Norway again, 1-2, 1993) and will almost certainly happen again.
Watching that extraordinary defeat from the comfort of my home I suspected that my hopes of competing in a World Cup tournament were over. All over the country people were working out goal difference calculations on the backs of envelopes but, realistically, we needed a miracle. And we got one! Other results went our way. Our benefactors were the Swiss. They beat Romania in Bucharest, lost in Hungary to spoil their own chances and then drew their return game at home to Romania. This meant that if we drew our final game, at home to Hungary, we would go through on goal difference.
It wasn't until a week before the decisive Hungary game that we knew precisely what we had to do. No one was in any doubt about what was at stake. The Football League cleared the Saturday before the match of all but two First Division fixtures. We had a clear week to prepare. Within two days the game was a 92,000 all-ticket sell-out. The Oslo defeat was forgotten. We were all about to become heroes again! The mood was positive, but there was a similarity between our situation and that of Sir Alf Ramsey's team in 1973. They needed to beat Poland at Wembley in their final match to qualify for the 1974 World Cup. And we know what happened there: they were famously held to a draw, thanks largely to the goalkeeping of Jan Tomaszewski.
Ron got our preparation just right. We were all saddened, though, when our coach Bill Taylor had to leave in the middle of the build-up. He had undergone surgery a year earlier, and was unwell again. Originally appointed by Don Revie, he was hugely popular with the players. He watched the big match on TV but sadly died a fortnight later at the age of 42.
We stayed in familiar surroundings that week, in our usual hotel at West Lodge Park, and on Saturday night Ron took us all to see a show at the Whitehall Theatre. The following day we trained as normal at Arsenal's ground at London Colney and then were given the rest of the day off. Ron said that we could do whatever we wanted as long as we were back in the hotel by 11.30 that evening.
Ray Clemence, who had just moved from Liverpool to Spurs, went with Glenn Hoddle and one or two other players for a drink at a club in Tottenham. Inevitably they were spotted and the newspapers got calls from people saying that England's World Cup players were out drinking. Reporters rang the hotel and talked to the players. Instead of saying they were out with the manager's permission, they denied the whole story. Mistake! The papers made a big issue of it a couple of days before the match.
As it turned out, neither Clemence nor Hoddle were due to play against the Hungarians. Ron had made up his mind about the team at the beginning of the week. He'd decided that Peter Shilton, who had played against Poland in 1973, was the goalkeeper in form. I was fit again, having played nine consecutive matches for West Ham. I missed the start of 1981–82 – the season three points for a win was introduced – but was happy to get back into a newly promoted West Ham side that stayed in the top five for the first half of the season.
I was pleased to see that Ron had called my West Ham team-mate Alvin Martin into the side for his third cap, preferring him to Russell Osman. Steve Coppell was also recalled, replacing Trevor Francis. Sadly, he would end the match with a bad knee injury, the result of an over-zealous tackle by Jozsef Toth. It was the beginning of the end of his career.
So, Shilton and Martin apart, this was the team that had beaten Hungary 3-1 in Budapest five months earlier. It was to our advantage that Hungary had already qualified so they didn't show much appetite for the game. The result was never in any doubt. The only goal came in the 14th minute when my shot, which I think was going wide, hit Paul Mariner and ricocheted into the net. Later Paul headed wide of an empty net, I had the ball nicked off my toe just as I was going to shoot from inside the area and Tony Morley hit a fabulous shot that the goalkeeper saved. Yes, it was a bit like the Poland game. We were all over the opposition, but this time we got the result we needed.
It had been a long and winding road to Spain but we got there in the end. The crowd was singing. In Fleet Street the newspapers were preparing triumphant headlines. We were heroes again! As I walked off the pitch I thought of that line often used on TV by my old West Ham team-mate Jimmy Greaves: 'It's a funny old game!'
#### CHAPTER 10
#### ESPAÑA '82
ROOM 204 IN LOS TAMARISES, a small, elegant hotel over-looking a wide sweep of beach outside Bilbao, was quickly christened the Royal Suite when England's World Cup entourage arrived on a cloudy June afternoon in 1982. It was the room allocated to me and Kevin Keegan. We roomed together most of the time when we travelled with England. Why 'Royal'? Neither of us had any regal pretensions but a few days before we flew out to Spain, the England captain was awarded an OBE. A year earlier I had been appointed an MBE and the mickey-takers in Ron Greenwood's squad were quick to spot a new source of amusement.
Sadly, neither of England's 'Royals' would have much to do with Spain '82. I had a groin injury and Kevin had a back problem. Far from bowing and scraping when in the vicinity of Room 204, most of the players tried to avoid it completely. Just before our second match against Czechoslovakia, Bryan Robson invited himself to our room for a cup of tea. A bad move! He was injured against the Czechs and missed the next game. This gave the rest of the squad even more ammunition. From that moment on the Royal Suite was deemed to be cursed.
It may well have been. The occupants were certainly in need of a bit of good fortune or some divine intervention. Kevin and I spent days in Room 204 bemoaning our fate. Spain '82 was the only chance I had of playing in a World Cup final tournament and, in the end, neither Kevin nor I played more than a few minutes. Considering the difficulties we had in qualifying, Spain '82 became perhaps the most ironic chapter in my playing career.
The year had started so well for me. It seemed that whenever I turned on the TV someone was still repeating the clip of the goal that wedged in the stanchion in Budapest. For eight consecutive Saturdays that winter the Football League programme was seriously disrupted by the Arctic weather conditions. TV companies had no choice but to show old film of old matches. After missing the first few games of 1981–82 because of injury, I was back to my best when I scored twice in the 3-3 thriller with Leeds at Elland Road. West Ham were comfortably in sixth place – not bad for a team newly promoted to the big time – but then the weather hit and sport simply ground to a halt.
In January when the World Cup draw was made in Spain there were serious worries that the large number of postponements would jeopardise England's World Cup preparations later in the season. The draw pitted England against France, Czechoslovakia and Kuwait, and England and France immediately agreed to cancel their friendly match arranged for 24 March in Paris. For the first time there were 24 competing nations split into six groups of four. The winners and runners-up in each group progressed to the second round.
England's first match of World Cup year was against Northern Ireland at Wembley. Ron Greenwood had about three months to decide upon the make-up of his 22-man squad for Spain and was going to use the British Championship matches to consider his options. He looked at Aston Villa winger Tony Morley, Brighton centre-back Steve Foster and West Brom striker Cyrille Regis against the Irish. England won 4-0. A few weeks later we beat Wales 1-0 in Cardiff and this time the manager ran his eye over Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Corrigan, Ipswich centre-half Terry Butcher and Aston Villa striker Peter Withe. The surprise absentee from this match was Kevin Keegan. It wasn't clear why he had been left out, though hints of a mystery back problem began to circulate.
The loss of the French as warm-up opponents was a bit of a blow – FIFA wouldn't allow World Cup rivals to play each other in friendly matches – but Ron still had four more full international matches scheduled, plus two more games that were less exacting but would serve a good purpose. The first of these was a benefit match for the late Bill Taylor, Ron's England XI beating Manchester City 3-1 at the old Maine Road stadium.
The second was really a public relations exercise – but it would prove to be a very useful one. As the seeded nation in Group 4 England had the advantage of playing all three first-round matches at one venue – Bilbao. Ron wanted to ensure we had the locals on our side in each of those games and agreed to take another England XI to play a testimonial match against Athletic Bilbao. It was for local hero Francisco Roca and took place in the San Mames stadium, which would stage our three first-round matches.
The three-day trip was a huge success. Although it obviously wasn't a full international match, Ron took a really strong group of players. He also invited his old friend Ronnie Allen, who was then manager of West Bromwich Albion. This was a masterstroke. Ronnie had spent three years as manager of Bilbao and was still a very popular figure among the Basques.
The locals were very hospitable and did everything they could to make our stay both enjoyable and useful. We visited the hotel and the Athletic training camp that we would be using a few weeks later. The facilities were first class but, as is nearly always the case, there were one or two little issues that we could have done without. A newspaper photograph of a dead dog on the beach, with our hotel in the background, portrayed the area as a bit of a dump. It wasn't a dump at all. Like any beach in winter it looked a bit unloved. By the time we returned in June the beach had been cleaned and looked picture perfect.
The San Mames stadium felt comfortable and familiar. It was English in design, with the terraces coming down to pitch level, and the playing surface was superb. The match attracted a 35,000 crowd and at the end of a competitive 1-1 draw they gave us a standing ovation. I played along with Kevin, Bryan Robson, Kenny Sansom and Steve Coppell. I also remember that Manchester United goalkeeper Gary Bailey and Manchester City centre-back Tommy Caton – who died so tragically of a heart attack in 1993 at the age of 30 – were in the squad that travelled. On the way home Ronnie Allen, who played for England himself in the fifties, told me that the locals were delighted with our visit. 'The England team have done themselves nothing but good in the last couple of days,' he said.
Coppell was probably the best player on the field that day in Bilbao and he, Kevin, Tony Morley and Peter Withe peppered the Athletic goal. I thought the Athletic goalkeeper might have a bit of a future between the sticks. Andoni Zubizarreta was Spain's Under-21 keeper at the time. He went on to have a record-breaking career, spending a decade with Barcelona and winning 126 caps for Spain.
Holland were next on England's World Cup warm-up agenda, but just before facing them Ron named his provisional squad of 40 players for the World Cup. This had to be trimmed to 22 by 4 June. The 40 included one or two unexpected names, such as West Ham's Alan Devonshire and Paul Goddard, Liverpool's Sammy Lee, Tottenham's Garth Crooks and Steve Perryman and Aston Villa's Gary Shaw and Dennis Mortimer.
Beaten by hosts Argentina in the 1978 final, Holland had failed to reach Spain largely because they'd dropped three points to a very talented Republic of Ireland team in the qualifying programme. The Dutch still had some good players in their line-up, including Rudi Krol, Rene van de Kerkhof and Arnold Muhren. Ron tried Steve Foster again and my West Ham team-mate Devonshire. We won comfortably enough, with Paul Mariner and Tony Woodcock scoring our goals.
A few days later we travelled to Glasgow for the match that would decide the outcome of the British Championship. Scotland needed to win to snatch the title from us and, as usual, their fans gave us an intimidating welcome as we approached Hampden Park in the team bus. Ron had picked probably his strongest team and I was pleased to be included. It was my 45th cap and I knew there would not be too many more. Kevin was the only player with more caps in that team. He had 61.
Significantly, Ron had chosen Peter Shilton to play in goal. It was Peter's 37th cap. His great goalkeeping rival Ray Clemence had 58 caps and probably thought he was the senior of the two. Ron had made it clear to both that he rated them equally. As he had the great luxury of two of the world's best goalkeepers at his disposal he'd told them that he would alternate them. He'd also told them that if England reached the finals he would make a choice between them. Now, with the World Cup only weeks away, it was nearly time to choose. It was something he wasn't relishing.
Shilton played against the Scots – Paul Mariner's goal gave England a 1-0 win and the British title – and waited to hear what the manager had decided. There were two matches still to play. On 2 June Ron sent a B team to play a full international against Iceland in Reykjavik. Joe Corrigan was in goal and the outfield players, in a 1-1 draw, included Goddard and Perryman, each winning his one and only cap.
Twenty-four hours later the senior side played Finland in Helsinki. I was delighted to be included, as was goalkeeper Ray Clemence, winning his 59th England cap. Hilkka, my lovely Finnish wife, turned up to watch the match with her family. She asked if I could supply 17 tickets for the game. 'All together if possible,' she smiled sweetly.
We won 4-1 – Bryan Robson and Paul Mariner each scored two goals. The next day Ron named England's official World Cup squad of 22 with shirt numbers. The number one went to Clemence, number 13 to Corrigan and number 22 to Shilton – the three goalkeepers in alphabetical order. But Shilton, Ron said, would be his first-choice goalkeeper. He was certainly the man in form. Ray had not had the best of times in his first season with Tottenham. Even so, he was not happy to be told he was second choice. The outfield players were also given shirt numbers in alphabetical order which meant Viv Anderson was number two and I was number three.
The number three shirt was a bit of a novelty for me but I wondered whether I'd get the chance to wear it. I felt a tweak in my groin late on against Finland and asked to be taken off. I'd had the same problem in the past. I didn't know how bad it was this time but, to be honest, I feared the worst. I had treatment in the dressing room while the match continued. I was desperate to be fit for the big kick-off. The opening World Cup game against France was just 13 days away. We flew home from Helsinki and were given a two-day break before gathering again for the flight to Bilbao. There was an air of anticipation and excitement at the airport but my mood was one of concern. I already knew that my participation in the World Cup depended on a cortisone injection. I spoke to Ron Greenwood and the England team doctor Vernon Edwards before we flew out and told them that, from past experience, I knew that this was a deep-seated injury and therefore would require an injection with a _long_ needle.
I made my feelings quite clear to Ron and the doctor. I explained to them that the West Ham doctor Brian Roper, a surgeon, had successfully given me the injection in the past. Dr Edwards said: 'It needs a chance to settle down.' I stressed to both of them that I needed the injection with the big needle as soon as possible if I was to have any chance of playing. 'I know what I'm doing,' said Dr Edwards. That day, when we arrived in Spain, the FA doctor gave me the cortisone injection with a small needle. As he prepared to administer the injection I saw the needle and said to him: 'It's not going to work with that needle.'
Dr Roper had always used a long needle because the source of the problem was deep in my groin. Dr Edwards gave me the injection with his little needle and I waited for the reaction. I knew it wouldn't work – I'd had plenty of experience of cortisone. It reduces inflammation but has to be delivered to exactly the right spot. It was a tricky business. Ron knew Brian Roper, of course, but didn't want to diminish Dr Edwards' role or question his opinion. He didn't want to cause any friction.
I had osteitis pubis, which in layman's terms is inflammation of the pubic joint. I had treatment on a daily basis for the next week. Ron wasn't making a big issue of it but there was no hiding the fact that two of his senior players were injured and unlikely to be fit enough to face France in the first game. The relationship Kevin and I had established on the field provided much of England's attacking impetus. A lot was made of a supposed 'telepathic understanding' between us but, in fact, it was far simpler than that. In my midfield role I was always looking to pass the ball forward and create opportunities for the front-running players. No front player did more running than Kevin. As a creative midfield player you are always looking at the options ahead of you. You might have two or three but usually only one is the right option. Kevin was almost always the right option for me. He made most of the runs and most of the best runs. He was always moving into space to make himself available to receive the ball.
He was a great team player and we had been together in the same England team for eight years. You develop a good understanding after all that time. You learn to trust each other. Kevin knew that if he kept working and running I'd find him with a pass. I got to know his strengths and his habits. I could find him with a pass without looking up. I think that's how the 'telepathy' theory took root. The truth is that it's the same with most good players. I had a similar understanding with Bryan 'Pop' Robson at West Ham. Intelligent players invariably make themselves available. Kevin was bright as a button and had the speed of a greyhound. Whenever I looked up he was there, demanding the ball. I knew he was going to be a big, big loss if he failed to recover for the World Cup.
The England squad, Kevin and me included, had flown out of Luton airport in a blaze of flashlights six days before the opening game. I think we were the last of the 24 nations to arrive in Spain. Ron told us that he would prefer to train in the peace and quiet of our Hertfordshire hotel and travel out as late as possible. The players felt much the same.
I remember a strong feeling among us that we wanted to do well for the manager. The bond between the manager and players had grown appreciably during the protracted qualifying programme. It was a good, experienced squad. At 33, I was the oldest of the outfield players. The average age, 28, made us the oldest squad at the tournament. There had been suggestions that the heat would be a big problem for 'Dad's Army' but we were greeted in Bilbao by typically damp British weather. Jesus, the affable proprietor at Los Tamarises, presented each player with a wine bottled in the year of their birth. Ron, who was a bit put out because there was none from 1921, suggested that corks stay in bottles until we headed home!
During the first week in Bilbao it became clear to Ron that neither Kevin nor I would be fit for any of the three first-round games. This meant that the manager had to appoint a captain until Kevin was ready to return. Mick Mills, the warrior defender from Ipswich, was given the job of leading the team from right-back – England's first World Cup captain since Bobby Moore 12 years earlier. While Kevin and I spent our time in the treatment room, Ron worked with the players who would represent England in the opening game. Kevin and I had speculated about the team line-up, but there were no real surprises: Shilton; Mills, Thompson, Butcher, Sansom; Coppell, Robson, Wilkins, Rix; Francis, Mariner.
On the day Ron named the team the Falklands War ended. Argentina surrendered their brief grip on the British islands in the South Atlantic and a sense of relief coursed through the World Cup family. Argentina, champions in 1978, were in Spain along with, unusually, three British representatives – England, Scotland and Northern Ireland. No one really wanted to consider the implications of a World Cup tie between warring nations.
After a week of mild temperatures, the big day dawned hot – and got hotter. At kick-off the temperature on the San Mames pitch was 100 degrees, though this wasn't an issue when the first goal went in. Terry Butcher headed on a Steve Coppell throw-in – a ploy worked at on the training pitch – and Bryan Robson raced unmarked into the French penalty area and hooked the ball home. He was fresh as a daisy, not even puffing! The official time of the goal was 27 seconds – the fastest in World Cup history. Inspired by the artful Michel Platini, France equalised through Gerard Soler in the 24th minute and for a while they were in control. But Ron made some tactical changes at half time, giving us a sturdier presence in midfield. A second goal from Robson and another from Paul Mariner secured a 3-1 win. The heat had taken a toll, though. Mariner lost nearly a stone and Graham Rix had lost 6lb. Rix was so dehydrated that it took him two hours to produce his urine sample for the mandatory drug tests.
Back at the hotel afterwards the mood was euphoric. Bobby Charlton, who played in the heat of Mexico when England were defending the trophy in 1970, sought out Rix to congratulate him. Had I been fit he may not have played, but he made the most of his opportunity. Bryan Robson was full of praise for Ron's tactical intervention at half time. 'He changed Graham's role on the left and it worked for us,' he said. Ron himself praised Don Howe for his role in working on the set-piece move in training that led to Robson's first goal in 27 seconds. 'All credit to Don for that,' said Ron. It was one of those memorable occasions when you couldn't stop smiling. Everyone was slapping everyone else on the back. We were all happy, but Kevin and I were beginning to feel that time was running out for us.
I should have made a fuss and said that I would go back to London to get the injection done properly. Instead I waited for the reaction to an injection that I knew hadn't worked. Had the injection hit the spot it would have frozen the damaged area. That would have been followed by about 36 hours of soreness, with the blood then dispersing and easing the inflammation. That hadn't happened. I told Ron it hadn't worked. Twelve days after Dr Edwards gave me the injection Ron finally agreed that I should see Brian Roper. The following day Brian very kindly flew in secret to Bilbao. He gave me the injection with a long needle.
I knew it had worked almost immediately but I would not be ready to play for at least another ten days. If England went out in the first round I would go home without kicking a ball. Back then you were totally reliant on the expertise of the doctor in delivering the cortisone to the right spot. These days this kind of serious inflammation is picked up much earlier by an MRI scan and the injection is guided to the right spot by a scanner. Stewart Robson, of Arsenal, and Jonathan Woodgate, of Leeds, both had similar conditions that threatened their careers.
Czechoslovakia were our next opponents and Ron wisely cautioned against overconfidence. The fact that unfancied Algeria had beaten West Germany 2-1 was a timely reminder of the dangers of taking things for granted. Ron was so pleased with the team's performance against France that he named the same eleven. They didn't let him down. A 2-0 win on a cool day – Mariner and Francis scored – ensured a place for us in round two. Kevin and I might still get a chance to play. Kevin had spent 24 hours in hospital being examined by a back specialist in Bilbao. He was depressed and frustrated and returned to Room 204 in a bad mood. He felt he was letting people down and thought it would be better to go home rather than mope about the hotel.
I felt sorry for him. We'd been good mates for a long time, on and off the pitch. We spent many hours playing cards with Emlyn Hughes and 'Shilts'. Kevin was a winner, the most committed, strong-willed and ambitious player I knew. He'd worked really hard to make himself a success. If you wanted the classic example of a footballer who practised until he was perfect, it was Kevin Keegan. He maximised his strengths and worked on his weaknesses, in much the same way, for example, as Chelsea's Frank Lampard in the modern game.
Sitting around feeling sorry for himself wasn't for him. Late one evening he bumped into Ron Greenwood in the hotel. He knew the FA had just flown Brian Roper out to Bilbao to treat me. Kevin told Ron that there was a back specialist who had treated him successfully in Hamburg, where of course he played for three years. Kevin wanted to fly to Germany to see him. Ron was dubious but Kevin convinced him. He came up to the room and told me he was going to Hamburg. 'Don't tell anyone,' he said. 'The boss wants to keep it quiet.' Kevin borrowed a small car from a hotel receptionist and set off at 1am to drive 250 miles to Madrid. He got the first available plane from Madrid to Hamburg. Few people knew where he was and those who did wouldn't say. You wouldn't be able to keep a story like that from the papers these days.
On his return he was a different person. His smile was back. He wasn't fit enough to play, but he could join training. His presence lifted the whole squad. As France had drawn their final first-round game with Czechoslovakia we knew we would finish as group winners whatever the result in our final game against Kuwait. We were in a buoyant mood when the FA invited the media to Los Tamarises for an 'open day'. The media is kept well away from team hotels by high-level security at all of the big football tournaments. The chance to get an 'inside' look and take photographs is usually much appreciated by the journalists.
This was no different to any other similar occasion organised for the media, except that the guest list included the 'London Ballet' company. An earlier call to an FA official asked if the London Ballet, working in Bilbao, could attend the gathering. It sounded harmless enough to Ron, but as soon as we saw the girls we knew they weren't ballet dancers. They were dancers all right, but they were go-go dancers going by the name of the 'Playmodel London Ballet'. They were appearing at a local nightclub and clearly knew how to enjoy themselves. From their point of view this was a photo opportunity not to be missed, but the players quickly realised that posing with the girls might not be appreciated by everyone back home!
Ron made one or two changes for the game against Kuwait. Glenn Hoddle, who had replaced the injured Robson against the Czechs, came into the starting line-up along with Steve Foster, who took the place of Butcher. The Ipswich centre-half had been cautioned against the Czechs and Ron didn't want to risk a second booking, which would have meant suspension. Ron also wanted to give Ray Clemence a game in goal. But Peter Shilton, now established as the first-choice goalkeeper, claimed that he had not had much to do in the first two games and felt that he should face Kuwait just to keep himself sharp. Poor Ray missed the chance of his one and only World Cup appearance. As it turned out, Shilts had practically nothing to do in a very poor game against Kuwait. Trevor Francis scored the only goal of the game but Ron made us aware afterwards that he wasn't happy with our performance.
The morning after the Kuwait victory we said farewell to our friends in Bilbao and moved camp to a quiet hotel in the hills about an hour's drive from Madrid. The training ground was close by, discreet and well-equipped. The FA had done their homework well. We were one of only two nations – Brazil were the other – to have won all three first-round matches and there was a growing feeling that England might have some influence on the outcome of the tournament.
Our next opponents were the other 'old enemy', West Germany, in the Bernabeu in Madrid. This was the business end of the tournament. There were many memories to be revived, particularly by Geoff Hurst. He was now one of Ron's coaching assistants and had been a significant figure in the World Cup battles with the Germans in 1966 and 1970. The West Germans were the reigning European champions and hadn't lost to another European country for nearly five years. They had, though, just been beaten by Algeria before allegedly coming to some kind of agreement with Austria in their final group game. An early headed goal by Horst Hrubesch, Kevin's former strike partner at Hamburg, gave them a 1-0 lead and a lack of effort from both teams for the remainder of the match meant that the Germans and Austrians progressed while Algeria, with the same number of points, went home muttering darkly about a stitch-up.
Spain, the hosts, were the other nation in Group B, having qualified despite drawing 1-1 with rank outsiders Honduras and losing 1-0 to Billy Bingham's Northern Ireland team, who had played most of the second half with ten men after Mal Donaghy was sent off. The winners of Group B would face the winners of Group D – France, Austria or the Irish – in the semi-finals. Kevin and I were both progressing well in training but Ron decided to take no risks. The side he chose to face the Germans was the one that had beaten France and Czechoslovakia in the earlier round.
To be honest, it wasn't much of a match and the 75,000 who had turned up expecting another titanic England–West Germany clash must have been bitterly disappointed. We couldn't break down Germany's man-to-man marking and, although we had more chances to score, they had the best one when Karl-Heinz Rummenigge hit the bar. Ron sent on Tony Woodcock, who had played for FC Cologne for three seasons and was used to tight German marking, in the hope that he might find a chink in their armour. There was a lot of booing and jeering at the end of an unimaginative game which now meant that progress to the semi-final depended on the remaining two matches in the group.
Germany were to play Spain next in Madrid. The fact that we had a full week to rest before our game against Spain was a bonus and meant that we would know what we had to do to reach the last four. Kevin and I had a week to build up our training programme. Neither of us was 100 per cent, but we were getting close. Kevin was playing tennis most days after training and his old exuberance had returned. He clearly felt that he was ready.
The players watched the Spain–Germany match on the TV in our hotel. Ron went to the game with his coaches, Don Howe and Geoff Hurst. The Germans knew they had to win to put pressure on us. They made changes and called in Pierre Littbarski and Klaus Fischer to give them a more attacking edge. It was a good move. They won 2-1 before a 95,000 crowd with goals from, yes, Littbarski and Fischer. But Spain looked very average.
That night there was excitement and apprehension in the England camp. We now knew that a semi-final place was well within our reach. We had to beat Spain by two goals to reach the semi-final. For a while we thought that a 2-1 victory would be good enough but FIFA ruled that if we won 2-1, as Germany had done, we'd have to draw lots with the Germans. The simple fact, of course, was that the ball was in our court. Spain were out of the tournament and had nothing to play for but pride. How would they react? Would their fans get behind them? We had seen enough of Spain to know that we could beat them by two goals. We were the form team. We were unbeaten for 11 consecutive matches. In that time we had scored 20 goals and Mariner, Francis and Robson were finding the net regularly. The prize for us was a semi-final against France, the team we had already beaten 3-1 in our opening match. For England, it was a fantastic position to be in.
Kevin and I trained well during our week of preparation and we both felt fit enough to play. We'd worked hard but if Ron and Don Howe were both taking a training session we tended to drift towards Ron. Eventually the group would be split in two and those selected to work with Don seemed to do twice as much running as those working with Ron! We'd done our share of running over the years. The question now was: would we be selected to start against Spain? The day before the match we had a full-scale practice game – 'probables' against 'possibles'. Steve Coppell had injured a knee against the Germans so Kevin and I knew that there was at least one vacancy in the team for an attacking player. Ron put Kevin in the 'probables' eleven, playing up front with Paul Mariner. Trevor Francis moved out to the right to fill the role vacated by Coppell. This looked like the starting line-up against Spain.
The 'possibles' won the match 1-0 – T. Brooking scoring the goal – but that evening we all thought the team of 'probables', with Kevin at the front alongside Paul Mariner, would line up to face Spain the next day. I was pleased to have scored but even more pleased that I had come through the match unscathed. I knew I was fit enough to start the match if selected, but I went to bed that night quite relaxed about it all.
Something was nagging away at me, though. I had wondered about some aspects of the build-up. This was a match where we needed to go for the jugular. But some of the training had suggested a more cautious approach. Don Howe was a very good coach and a strong disciplinarian. He was 'hands on' and liked a rigid team structure. You had to play the way he wanted. Ron was much happier to delegate some responsibility to the senior players. He used to say: 'If it's not working, just change it. Don't wait for me to tell you.' This wasn't the way Don worked. I don't think he was happy on the one or two occasions when Kevin or I changed things on the pitch.
His approach to the game was very different to Ron's. He'd been a top-class defender himself of course and played for England in the 1958 World Cup in Sweden. He joined Ron and the England squad late in that season and immediately admitted that he was a far more abrasive figure. 'I'm a shouter and Ron's fatherly,' he said. 'We should blend well.'
Ron and John Lyall were the only coaches I had at club level and they both wanted their players to express themselves. The emphasis was always on playing to your strengths. That's what I was used to. Don's priority, on the other hand, was to stop the opposition from playing. In some ways their different styles made them a good partnership but for the Spain game we needed Ron's approach. It was a situation made for a positive team with an attacking strategy.
I think Kevin and I should have been in the starting line-up. Kevin thought so too. But when Ron announced the team we were both on the substitutes' bench. Woodcock for Coppell was the only change to the side that had drawn with the Germans. I was gob-smacked. I couldn't believe that Ron had overlooked Kevin, and when I got the chance I told him so. Kevin was fuming. Tony was a good striker but Kevin was a talismanic figure. He was the England captain.
All kinds of conspiracy theories emerged. Kevin was convinced that Don had played a big part in Tony's selection. Don was assistant to manager Terry Neill at Arsenal and who had Arsenal just signed? Tony Woodcock. They paid £500,000 to FC Cologne to sign him on 8 June – just one month before the match against Spain. Kevin felt that Don had pressurised Ron into picking Tony. Don could be a prickly, stubborn figure. Ron hated confrontation of any sort. If challenged, he would often tend to change the subject to avoid a row. When I was a young player he would keep a senior player in the team rather than leave him out and risk a set-to.
Naturally Ron had his own point of view. Basically he argued later that he selected neither Keegan nor Brooking to start the match because he didn't believe we were fit enough. He felt neither of us would have lasted the full 90 minutes and, if someone else had been injured too, he would have been in trouble. I know I could have started. Would I have lasted 90 minutes? I don't know. I do know that I aggravated the injury during my 27 minutes as a substitute but I didn't feel that until afterwards. I think Kevin could have played for the entire 90.
When we had our team talk in the dressing room before the match Ron and Don both had contributions to make. Ron had his say. Then it was Don's turn. He said: 'It's not a race. You've got ninety minutes. Be patient.' To sum up, his message was: take your time. It was contrary to what Kevin and I and most of the players felt. We had talked about it the previous evening. Our feeling was that we had to go for it straight from the kick-off. That day it was the 'Don' team talk that stuck in the mind when we really needed a 'Ron' team talk.
Kevin and I sat on the substitutes' bench throughout the first half, boiling with frustration. We were both finally called to action in the 63rd minute. We replaced Graham Rix and Woodcock. Although Spain had nothing to play for, they frustrated us with their defiant defending. We created and wasted our chances. We had 20 shots on goal; Spain had two.
With the clock ticking, Kevin and I, for the first time in our long careers, stepped on to the World Cup stage. The England fans greeted us warmly and we were soon into the rhythm of the match. Kevin had a fabulous chance to score when Bryan Robson, with a cross from the left, put the ball on to his forehead. Somehow Kevin missed an empty net. I had a chance, too, but my shot, at the end of a long run, was well saved by Luis Arconada.
It finished 0-0. England's World Cup was over. Heads were on chests in the dressing room. Kevin was furious and kept muttering about a missed opportunity. But it was no time for recriminations. Ron was going round to each player, thanking them for their efforts. It was a sad moment. For Ron, it was the end of a career. He moved into quiet retirement in Brighton. Kevin and I didn't realise it then but neither of us would play for England again.
We'd done our best in Spain, but sometimes that's not good enough. You need something else. How on earth, for instance, had the Germans got to the final? They lost to Algeria in their opening game, fought tooth and nail to hold us to a goalless draw and were 3-1 down to the French in their semi-final before going through on penalties after extra time. We finished the tournament unbeaten in five matches. We'd conceded just one goal. We'd battered the French with some fine attacking football. Yet England were on their way home and West Germany were in the final, where they would lose 3-1 to Italy. My experiences in that World Cup were among the most frustrating of my career. We should have beaten Spain. We were good enough to have reached the final.
We might not have won it because Italy were a good team. After a shaky start they went on to beat Brazil and Argentina and they deserved their success. Others saw the injustice of England's situation. No team had beaten us but we were out. FIFA thought it was unfair. Rules were changed and a knockout process was introduced after the first round at future final tournaments. It was the right thing to do, but too late for us. I met Ron Greenwood many times in the years before he died in 2006 and we often ended up talking about that summer in 1982.
He always stuck to his guns. He insisted that, at the time, he didn't think Kevin or I were fit enough to start the match. It was unlike him to be so cautious. He changed a lifelong set of beliefs about the way the game should be played for one match. I'd have preferred to lose 3-1 knowing that we had at least had a real go at them. And, deep down, I think Ron would have preferred that too.
#### CHAPTER 11
#### FAREWELL TO UPTON PARK
WHAT NOW? That was the question I asked myself in the late summer of 1982. The events in Spain remained an enduring source of regret, a disappointment enhanced by the knowledge that my chances of having a second stab at the World Cup were precisely nil. The opportunity of a lifetime had been and gone. I was approaching 34 and had just been told that my groin injury – the reason I was unable to play a more significant role in Spain – would require major surgery.
Dr Brian Roper, the West Ham surgeon, was quite graphic and detailed when he described the options available to someone with my condition. 'We can sort it out but if you don't have the operation you'll have problems for the rest of your life,' he said. 'Even getting in and out of a car will become painful.' If I had the surgery he reckoned that I'd be out of action at the very least for six months, probably longer. I still felt that I had a bit of life left in me. I wanted to play for a season or two longer at West Ham, although I had already accepted that my brief appearance against Spain in the World Cup in June had been my last cap for England. Forty-seven wasn't bad but I had been hoping to finish with 50 caps.
Bobby Robson, anointed as Ron Greenwood's successor before the World Cup, took the reins officially at the start of 1982–83. He worked under Ron as manager of the B team, and was scouting in Spain, and his promotion to the top job was precisely the graduation process that Ron had envisaged when he originally appointed his team of coaches. Bobby's first match in charge was against Denmark in Copenhagen in a European Championship qualifying tie. He was often accused during his eight years as manager of being indecisive – but there was nothing indecisive about his first squad.
To everyone's surprise he left out the England captain Kevin Keegan, who learned from the press that his reign was over after 63 caps. Considering Bobby's experience as a manager, I was a bit taken aback that he had not personally informed a player of Kevin's stature that he was being left out. I believe he could have used a player of Kevin's knowledge and standing in the game. Kevin was 31. He was furious when he learned that he'd been axed. Having been let down by the outgoing England manager he now found himself let down by his successor as well.
Several of Ron's squad were 30 or over and Bobby clearly felt that he had to plan for the longer term. Ray Wilkins, at 26, was made captain though that appointment was not to last. I knew I wouldn't get back into the squad, but I felt sorry for Kevin. I wonder now how Bobby felt a year later when it became obvious that he would fail in his first challenge as England manager – qualifying for the 1984 European Championship. Kevin's fabulous form at Newcastle at the time suggested that he might have made the difference had he still been in the England team.
As for me, I had worked through the pre-season training with West Ham but it was clear that my groin injury was still a problem. I discussed my future in some detail with the West Ham manager, John Lyall, and he agreed that it would be best for me to have the operation. The inflammation in my pubic joint was getting worse and as a result I was in considerable pain if I turned sharply.
I had the operation, which involved a bone graft from my hip, in September 1982 and for the first four weeks after surgery I had to lie on my back in bed. I was not allowed to move. Finally, the great day came and I was helped very carefully out of the bed. I had to use crutches initially but gradually, as my strength returned, I was able to have hydrotherapy in a local pool. It was a long, slow process. It was worth it, the doctors assured me. Brian Roper said I'd miss the best part of the season but I'd have no further problem for the rest of my life. So far he's been proved correct.
It was a frustrating time. I wanted to be playing because I knew time was running out for me. While I was confined to bed West Ham hit a rich vein of form, beating teams like Liverpool, Arsenal and Manchester City. Alan Devonshire was playing some of the best football of his career and Paul Goddard, Francois Van der Elst and our penalty specialist Ray Stewart were all scoring prolifically. Meanwhile, Billy Bonds made his 545th league appearance for West Ham, breaking Bobby Moore's all-time record, and Frank Lampard made his 500th league appearance. They had been my team-mates for years and I felt that I should have been a part of all that.
It took all of six months before I was able to return to serious training but, towards the end of the season, I felt I was recapturing the kind of fitness you need to play at this level. My groin was perfect and no longer gave me pain. John Lyall asked me if I felt ready to play. He put me in the team for the last home match of the season. We lost 3-1 to Arsenal, but I was delighted to be back. I was like a youngster making his debut. It was a wonderful feeling. We finished in eighth place, which gave me reason to believe that we might do well the following season.
I played the full 90 minutes against Arsenal. Yes, I was a bit rusty but I felt good. I had no problems during the match or afterwards. What I needed was more football. The club helped me arrange a summer job in Hong Kong. I spent a couple of months playing in hot and humid conditions. My former West Ham team-mate Graham Paddon was out there. So was Don Shanks, the former Luton, QPR, Brighton and Wimbledon full-back. Don was a close friend of Stan Bowles. They used to go racing together. A very funny guy, he was one of the 'personalities' on the London football scene in the seventies and eighties. Somehow, he'd wangled a sideline as a racing columnist in a newspaper for expats in Hong Kong. He'd give tips and write about the runners and riders.
On the last day of the Hong Kong Festival Don was one of the jackpot winners. He picked up something like £40,000, which is a lot of money (and was even more in those days!). He was jubilant. It was the biggest win of his life. He wanted to convert the cash to sterling and take it home with him. So Graham and I accompanied him to a series of money-changers. He had the cash stuffed in a rucksack. How we got through that day without being mugged, I'll never know. On our last night together he took us out for a slap-up meal. He was a really genuine and generous bloke. Aware that he was an enthusiastic gambler, Graham and I suggested to him that he should invest some of his winnings in an apartment. We thought we had convinced him. He said he would move into property but, as I remember it, I heard that he'd lost the lot by September!
I returned from Hong Kong ready for the challenge of a new season. I knew that it would, in all probability, be my last. I had about ten months left on my contract at West Ham. As I recall I was earning about £1,200 a week at the time. I was one of the highest-paid players at the club. A new contract, if they offered me one, would start in June 1984 when I would be just a few months short of my 36th birthday. I thought it unlikely that they would make much of an effort to keep me.
I trained well and was injury-free in pre-season but as the big kick-off approached I wondered whether I'd be selected and, if so, how I would do. I shouldn't have worried. John Lyall put me in the team for the opening match against Birmingham City at Upton Park. We won 4-0, with 18-year-old Tony Cottee, called up to deputise for the injured Paul Goddard, scoring twice in five minutes.
I missed the next game, a 1-0 win against Everton at Goodison Park, with a thigh strain, but was back to face Tottenham at White Hart Lane. My old England team-mates Ray Clemence and Glenn Hoddle were in the Spurs side that day. We won 2-0, which meant three wins out of three without a goal conceded. We were at the top of the old First Division table. We then beat Leicester City, including a young Gary Lineker, 3-1 and recovered from 2-0 down to beat Coventry 5-2 at Upton Park. With a maximum 15 points from our first five games we were emerging as the shock troops of the season.
I was surprised at how well I was playing. I was helped, of course, by the fact that we were playing well as a team. We had become hard to beat. John Lyall shared many of Ron Greenwood's qualities and beliefs, but he was a steelier character. He'd worked hard on the training pitch and in the transfer market to improve West Ham's defence. Attacking football was still our priority but now we were a much sounder defensive unit. Phil Parkes, the world's most expensive goalkeeper, was enjoying outstanding form. He was protected by the best back four in West Ham history: Ray Stewart, Alvin Martin, Billy Bonds and Frank Lampard.
It was Bill's 37th birthday on the day we suffered our first defeat – 1-0 against West Brom at the Hawthorns. It was a minor blip. I scored my first goal of the season as we beat Notts County 3-0 and hit two when we thrashed Bury 10-0 in the Milk Cup. We were comfortably in third place in the table when we beat Spurs 4-1 on New Year's Eve.
Then it all started to go wrong. First, Alan Devonshire was seriously injured. He and I enjoyed a great rapport but we played our last game together in the third round of the FA Cup in January 1984. He tore his cruciate ligament in a 1-0 win over Wigan and didn't play again for 15 months. Then, another key player, Alvin Martin, broke six ribs in a car crash. He missed most of the rest of the season. We were still fourth when European champions Liverpool thumped us 6-0 at Anfield in April but failure to win any of our last six games meant that we slumped to ninth.
We finished with two home games and lost them both – a sad farewell to Upton Park for me. Nottingham Forest knew they would have to beat us to finish third behind Liverpool and Southampton. There was a surprise for me before the match when the Forest manager Brian Clough made a presentation to me on the pitch – a cut-glass bowl to mark the end of my career. It was a nice gesture. An even bigger surprise followed when my six-year-old son Warren walked out as our match-day mascot. I had no idea he'd been selected for the job.
We took the lead on 19 minutes when Ray Stewart scored from the penalty spot after Chris Fairclough had brought me down. But Garry Birtles and Peter Davenport scored to give Forest a 2-1 win. Two days later, on a Monday evening, we faced Everton in our final match. Five days after that Everton were due to meet Graham Taylor's Watford in the FA Cup final. Nonetheless, they fielded nine of the side that played at Wembley. They beat us 1-0 to climb above us in the league table and finish seventh.
John Lyall was furious in the dressing room afterwards. He launched into us and accused us of complacency and missing a great opportunity. He said we should have finished in the top four instead of which we let it slip in the last weeks of the season. He was probably right though I remained more than satisfied with my own contribution that season – I was surprised that it had gone so well. John had obviously told the coaching staff not to let anyone in the dressing room while he was addressing the players. His coach Mick McGiven and the youth-team coach Tony Carr were guarding the doors. I was taking my socks and boots off and could hear someone thumping on the dressing-room door. Eventually, the 'doormen' relented and the club chairman, Len Cearns, peered through the steam.
He looked at John and then he looked at me. 'Sorry, John,' he said. 'But the crowd won't go home until Trevor goes out and says goodbye.' So I put my gear back on and went on to the pitch amid great cheering. I ran round the pitch, waving to the crowd and picking up the scarves they threw at me. It was an amazing and emotional experience, but what surprised me more than anything was that it seemed virtually everyone in the stadium had stayed behind to bid their farewells. Quite unforgettable. I was lapping it up while the rest of my team-mates were getting a rollicking from the manager!
I stuck by my decision to retire, though it wouldn't have taken much for me to change my mind. Alan Devonshire's long-term injury was a factor. I knew he wouldn't play much the following season and that would place a lot of the creative burden on me. Did I want that kind of pressure at the age of 36? I wasn't sure that I did. That apart, a very talented youngster, Alan Dickens, was beginning to make an impression. He was a creative midfield player already dubbed Brooking Mark Two. Tony Cottee, with 19 goals in my last season, was clearly a star in the making and, of course, John would shortly sign Frank McAvennie from St Mirren. Together they formed a formidable striking partnership and were key factors in the club's best-ever finish – third – in 1985–86. This was something of a transitional period for John's squad and I believe that if they thought I had a role to play they would have offered me a new contract. I think they were quite happy to get me off the payroll.
I had no interest in continuing my playing career in the lower divisions. Many players took that route in those days but I had a couple of business interests and there was no pressing financial need for me to continue playing. It had always been my intention to retire at the top and Hilkka agreed with that. We had talked long and hard about my future and she was quite happy for me to retire from football. She didn't want me to continue playing or begin a new career as a coach.
My wife and children all had a say in my future. They knew I'd been playing well and that some were suggesting I should play on. But, in the back of my mind, I'd always thought that this would probably be my last contract. I'd been gearing up for it for two or three years and there was a general feeling in the family that it would be nice to go out at the top. The fact that I'd had one or two informal approaches from the BBC, suggesting that I might like to do a bit of work for them, helped me make up my mind. If they wanted me, and I was good enough for them, it would keep me involved in the game from a safe seat in the stands.
I also had a great affinity with West Ham and Upton Park and all the fans who had watched me play over the years. I felt that in some way it would be a betrayal to play for another club. So, when John Neal, the Chelsea manager, asked me if I would go and play for him at Stamford Bridge I explained to him that I would find it very difficult, particularly as they were one of West Ham's London rivals. Chelsea had just won promotion, thanks largely to the goals of Kerry Dixon, David Speedie and Pat Nevin, and John Neal thought I would be a good influence in midfield in their first season back in the big time.
It was a flattering offer and the fact that they had approached me at all confirmed my own view that I had played really well in my last season. Further compliments came from the England manager Bobby Robson. I was asked to play in a testimonial match against an England XI and Bobby said to me afterwards: 'Why are you retiring when you're playing so well?' The fact that others thought I could still do it made me think. I was voted Hammer of the Year for 1983–84 and whenever I met any West Ham fans they urged me to reconsider. I had always told myself that I would quit while I was still playing well and my form in my last season enabled me to fulfil that wish. So, I said farewell to Upton Park and flew off to New Zealand, where I played as a guest for an Auckland team for six weeks. I'd always wanted to go to New Zealand and one of the benefits of retirement, of course, is that you can do what you want!
Around the same time I was approached by the BBC and asked if I was interested in joining Peter Jones, Bryon Butler and their distinguished team of radio commentators and pundits. I had done some TV and radio work but this was a serious commitment. 'Yes,' I said, 'I'd like to have a stab at that.' I had another request from an unexpected source. Out of the blue, I was contacted by the Sports Council asking me if I would consider becoming chairman of their Eastern Region at the end of the year.
The Sports Council, formed in 1972, was responsible for the development of sport in the UK. Their motto was 'Sport for All' and they were involved in promoting around 110 different sports. In 1997 the council became UK Sport. Established by royal charter, UK Sport currently has a staff of around 90 and a budget of more than £100 million. It is now the nation's high-performance sports agency and is accountable to the Government through the Department of Culture, Media and Sport.
I had no real idea of what was involved when they first approached me but it was something worthwhile and a challenge that appealed to me. I wasn't to know in the autumn of 1984 that I would devote the next 15 years to sports administration. I gained a huge amount of knowledge and experience of sports politics in that time. I was eventually elected to the national council, became vice chairman and then chairman, and my work in those years probably influenced the FA's thinking when they started looking around for someone to help with the development of football from grass roots to the elite level.
I knew the start of the new season would be a bit of a wrench for me. I was expecting to miss the buzz and excitement of it. After all, I'd shared the sense of optimism that fills every pre-season dressing room for years. As it turned out, West Ham started 1984–85 badly, with a goalless draw against Ipswich Town at Upton Park. Two days later they lost 3-0 to Liverpool at Anfield. As I suspected, the absence of Alan Devonshire proved critical. At the end of the season they were just two points clear of the relegation zone.
Although I had bid farewell to the big time I couldn't bring myself to hang up my boots. I still wanted to play, which was why I agreed to try a new experience – Sunday morning football. I started my debut season in Sunday morning football with a goal and a 3-0 win over the Red Lion pub. I finished the season with a trophy in the league cup competition. I'd been persuaded by friends to join a Sunday morning team that played about one mile from West Ham's training ground at Chadwell Heath in east London. I spent about eight years playing for them and enjoyed every minute, although I never fully mastered the knack of putting up the nets! It was a bit of an eye-opener at first, but it wasn't until I played Sunday morning football that I really appreciated just how fast I was . . .
#### CHAPTER 12
#### HOUNDS AND CLOWNS OF THE SEVENTIES
I'M OFTEN ASKED WHETHER I believe the footballers of my era could cope with the pressures of the modern Premiership. I have no doubt that football at the highest level today is faster than when I was playing and has benefited from huge advances in things like diet, medicine and the quality of playing surfaces. There are other differences, too, that have fortunately favoured the creative player over the defensive player.
Some argue that the Trevor Brooking of the seventies simply wouldn't be quick enough to be effective in today's game. I believe quite the opposite. I think my type of player would be even more effective today than in the seventies. The reason for that is easily explained. In the seventies players of my type did not receive the protection from referees that is standard in the modern game. The type of tackling I had to live with has been outlawed and the game as a whole has benefited from that.
The seventies was a wonderful period in which to play professional football. The old First Division was top-heavy with skilful players and great personalities – but they weren't all angels. Some were spiteful, aggressive and violent. The game had tolerated that type of player for a long time. But in the early seventies there was recognition from the sport's authorities that the game had to change.
Football was in decline. The boom that followed England's World Cup victory in 1966 was slowing significantly. More than 30 million fans watched football across the four divisions in 1967–68. By 1973–74 that number had dropped to 25 million. Growing hooliganism was one problem but the game was also suffering as a spectacle. The tough guys ruled and the quality of the entertainment suffered as a consequence. Some of the football was at best functional and at worst seriously boring.
Action was needed to change the direction of the game and one of the first to accept this was Alan Hardaker, the long-serving secretary of the Football League. A Yorkshireman and serving Royal Naval officer on the Atlantic convoys in the Second World War, Hardaker was a man used to getting his own way. With the backing of his management committee, he instructed the League's referees to clamp down on foul play. There would be, he insisted, a less liberal interpretation of the Laws of the Game in future. He ordered that the laws, and lists of misdemeanours subject to cautions, be displayed in every dressing room in the League. The tackle from behind, for instance, was banned altogether.
The effect on the game was dramatic. The first Saturday of hardline refereeing in season 1971–72 produced four dismissals and 120 bookings. By Christmas there had been more than 1,100 bookings. The Football Association, still responsible for administering discipline, was snowed under with appeals – 140 by January when a normal season would perhaps attract ten in total. The FA granted many of the appeals and, in matters of discipline, were clearly not singing from the same song sheet as the Football League. A compromise had to be reached. The League relented, agreeing that referees could apply greater discretion when interpreting the rules. In return, the League won the introduction of a totting-up system with penalty points for offences and an automatic two-match ban for a player amassing 12 points.
Previously, suspensions covered a time period, which meant that some players missed more matches than others. Banning players for a number of matches rather than a number of weeks seemed fairer to me. Agreement was also reached to end appeals against cautions, many of which were lodged by clubs for tactical reasons in the hope that their players would be free to play in important matches. Similarly, I felt that automatic suspension was a fairer method.
The message had hit home. Football was now placing greater emphasis on skill and was at last prepared to protect those who had it. This was good news for me and players like me. When I started playing seriously in the mid-sixties football still clung to some of the sporting values that had been so admired by the rest of the world in the first half of the last century. Looking back, it's astonishing to think that the Tottenham double-winning team of 1960–61 attracted just one caution for the season. Let's be clear, that was one booking between 17 players in 49 matches – impossible in the context of today's game.
And those days were long gone by the time Johnny Giles, Peter Storey, Nobby Stiles and Ronnie Harris were queuing up to kick lumps out of players like me in the seventies. Some teams, like Leeds United, had a long cast list of players skilled in the dark arts. I remember little Bobby Collins, just 5ft 3in but a real terrier with a nasty bite, providing Don Revie's early Leeds team with real menace in midfield. He was the first of several of his type at Leeds. Giles, a great passer, could also bring your contribution to an abrupt halt with a fierce tackle. Norman Hunter and Jack Charlton were formidable centre-backs and little Billy Bremner was another tough Scot in the Collins mould.
Whenever I played against Leeds in those days I was always happy to receive the ball early because there was so little time to settle. The pitches were usually heavy which meant that the ball stuck but more pertinent still was the inevitable tackle. You knew it was coming. Defenders were upon you within a second or two. You had to be able to take the knocks and ride the tackles. The only option was to try to move the ball on the instant you received it. If anything, defenders in today's game are swarming over the man with the ball even more quickly than they were in my day. The difference is that they have to be a little more conservative and cautious with their tackling. Happily, many of the challenges that were commonplace a generation ago have all but disappeared.
Every creative player in my day needed an unofficial minder. Mine was my long-time pal Billy Bonds. I was big enough and strong enough to ride most tackles but occasionally a really bad one would flatten me. 'Bill! Bill! Did you see what he did to me?' was my usual cry as I climbed back to my feet. Bill wasn't in the 'vicious' category but he was as tough as old boots and very few tried to test themselves against him.
Some observers, probably with justification, regard the early seventies as a barren period for English football. We'd lost our grip on the World Cup in Mexico in 1970, attendances were in decline, TV revenue was minuscule in comparison with today and the refereeing clampdown tended to suggest that carnage on the pitch was a regular occurrence. This wasn't true of course. But what was true was that players, benefiting from the 1963 High Court ruling that the 'retain and transfer' system was illegal, were becoming more aware of their own power. It was unheard of, for instance, for a player to decline the honour of playing for England, but Paul Madeley, Alan Hudson and Colin Todd did just that at various times in the early seventies.
It was becoming harder to justify the regular claim that the Football League was the strongest, most competitive in the world. It was certainly the toughest but at the elite level of the European game our clubs were second rate. After Manchester United's success in 1968, we had to wait seven years for another English club to reach the European Cup final – Leeds United, who were beaten 2-0 in Paris by Bayern Munich.
Notorious for their cynicism, Leeds were nonetheless a team of many talents and were the dominant force in English football for a decade from the mid-sixties. In that time they won the old First Division title twice, were runners-up five times, the FA Cup once, runners-up three times, the League Cup once and the old European Fairs Cup twice. Don Revie, their manager, took criticism as a personal affront and, to be fair to him, he was always trying to present his team as top-of-the-bill entertainers rather than as a force of destructive warriors.
I remember him deciding to introduce a showbiz style warm-up routine before Leeds United matches in the hope of winning over any doubters in the crowd. Every team warmed up before a game, but Revie decided he wanted something the crowd could watch and enjoy. He turned the Leeds United warm-up into an event in itself. Before the FA Cup quarter-final with Tottenham at Elland Road the Leeds players went on to the pitch in tracksuit tops with their names emblazoned across the back, and name tags holding up their stockings. They all performed an exercise routine that had clearly been rehearsed – and then beat Spurs 2-1. This became their regular pre-match ritual as they progressed to the FA Cup final where they beat Arsenal 1-0 at Wembley – the first leg of their bid for the double.
Within an hour of the final whistle at Wembley, Revie and his Leeds team were on their coach heading back to Yorkshire. Much to Revie's annoyance, Leeds had been ordered by the Football League to play their final league game against Wolves at Molineux on the Monday evening, 48 hours after the Cup final. Providing Leeds didn't lose they would add the league title to the FA Cup. Wolves had lost their previous four home games so the smart money was on Leeds to finally achieve the coveted double. But it wasn't to be. They had two penalty claims, both for blatant handball, rejected and lost 2-1. That result, plus Liverpool's goalless draw at Arsenal on the same night, handed the title for the first time to Brian Clough and Derby County who, having finished their league programme, listened to the unfolding drama on the radio at their holiday hotel in Majorca.
Some took pleasure in Leeds United's failure but it was hard not to feel sorry for some of their players. They had one or two truly outstanding talents and when they were playing at their best as a team they were exceptional. The BBC film of their 7-0 demolition of Southampton at Elland Road in 1972 has become an iconic piece of football memorabilia. 'Poor Southampton don't know what day it is,' BBC commentator Barry Davies told the nation as the goals went in. 'It's almost cruel.'
Giles and Bremner were perhaps the best all-round footballers in that Leeds team, but my personal favourite was the Scotland winger Eddie Gray. He was one of the most gifted players of my era. He made his debut for Leeds as a 17-year-old on New Year's Day 1966 and held down a first-team place for nearly 20 years. I liked him because he was a winger in the classic mould. He used skill, pace and craft, qualities that were never more apparent than in the 1970 FA Cup final against Chelsea, when he roasted his marker David Webb on a sand-covered pitch at Wembley. The match ended 2-2 and, for the replay, Chelsea used the uncompromising Ronnie Harris to mark Gray. One ferocious tackle from Harris slowed Gray significantly and reduced Leeds United's attacking potential for the rest of the match. Chelsea won the replay 2-1 with, ironically, Webb heading the winner.
Sadly, Eddie had long battles with injury, which explains why he made only 12 appearances for Scotland and missed the 1974 World Cup. In later years he had two spells as Leeds' manager but it is as a player that he is most warmly remembered at Elland Road. In 2000 the fans voted him the third greatest ever Leeds player behind Bremner and John Charles, and club connoisseurs widely regard his goal against Burnley in 1970 as the best Leeds United goal of all time.
What is extraordinary is that Eddie played in a team of hard men in an era of hard men but was never booked himself. There were times when he had plenty of reason to retaliate. But he didn't. He just got on with his job with the stealth of an assassin. Revie once said of him: 'When he plays on snow he doesn't leave any footprints.' Eddie was the kind of crowd-pleaser who attracted the attention of the tough guys among rival teams. The truth is, of course, that in those days lots of teams had lots of crowd-pleasers in their ranks – Rodney Marsh, Charlie George, Stan Bowles and Alan Hudson come to mind. The players who attracted most attention, on and off the pitch, were usually strikers or goal-scoring midfielders.
Today, when we are discussing England strikers for a major tournament, we might have five or six realistic contenders. At any time in the seventies you might have had a dozen or more to select from – Hurst, Keegan, Channon, Worthington, Bowles, Clarke, Macdonald, Johnson, Boyer, Pearson, George, Francis, Mariner, Latchford and Woodcock are among those I can think of. Some played only a match or two for England, but others such as Kevin Keegan, Trevor Francis, Tony Woodcock and Paul Mariner had substantial international careers. Geoff Hurst, as we all remember, was England's World Cup hat-trick hero from 1966. I'd grown up with him on the training ground at Chadwell Heath and watched him develop from a left-half of limited potential to a world-class striker.
Ron Greenwood, the West Ham manager at the time, decided to move Geoff to the front because he was so poor defensively. Geoff accepted the challenge. He worked and worked and worked and learned how to time his runs, take the ball on his chest and draw others into attacking positions. Sturdily built, he took everything the tough guys threw at him with a resigned shrug. Often, in the dressing room after matches, you would see him with his back and legs covered in bruises. He never complained. It was all part of being a top-class centre-forward in those days. As a self-made sporting hero, Geoff was a fine example to others.
One of the others was Kevin Keegan, who had the same work ethic as Geoff. For me, Kevin was the best of them. In fact, I think he was the best I played with at any level. He was an exceptional player at Liverpool and, after six years at Anfield, became an even better one when he moved to SV Hamburg in 1977. His three years in Germany, where he twice won the European Footballer of the Year award, broadened his game further, teaching him in particular how to deal with man-to-man marking. His willingness to learn and determination to continually improve were elements I came to admire as we became firm friends and room-mates on England's trips abroad. Nothing illustrated this commitment more than his battle to overcome a back injury during the 1982 World Cup in Spain. It was a long, painful process for him but he wouldn't let it beat him. One morning, I remember, he got into a hot bath to soak. I went down to breakfast. When I came back an hour later he was still in the bath, unable to get out because of his bad back.
For me, he remains the classic example of the self-made superstar. His ambition, focus and work ethic took him from humble beginnings at Scunthorpe to Liverpool, Hamburg, Southampton, Newcastle and global stardom. He wanted to be the best. He was a comedian and motivator in the dressing room and an outstanding captain who conducted himself as befits a top sporting personality. Short and stocky, he reached high balls he had no right to get and, in full flow with the ball at his feet, he reminded me of Maradona.
The standards he set for himself he expected from others. He was totally committed and expected the same from those around him. I think he was disappointed when he went into coaching and management to discover that not all players felt the same way as he did. When he was playing he said he'd never be a coach. He retired as a player in 1984, then, after six or seven years in retirement in Spain, Newcastle invited him back to become their manager. He won promotion and, in 1995–96, Newcastle finished as Premier League runners-up to Manchester United. Remember that season? Newcastle's 12-point lead was whittled away and they lost one of the classic Premier League encounters – a 4-3 defeat to Liverpool in a match that perfectly illustrated Keegan's dedication to attacking football. Then there was the famous TV rant. As he came under increasing pressure, he directed his outburst at Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson: 'I will love it if we beat them. Love it!'
He had a chequered management career and the way he walked out on England, quitting in the Wembley dressing room after a 1-0 World Cup qualifying defeat to Germany in 2000, was further evidence of a complex and demanding character. He found the mix of personalities in the dressing room a challenge and a source of frequent frustration.
If he was totally committed to the job why couldn't all the players feel the same way? He couldn't understand a lazy or indifferent attitude. He could quickly fall out with players who were not as dedicated as he was. As a player he drove himself on and always gave 100 per cent. On the day he could no longer give 100 per cent he quit. That day came in January 1984. He was playing for Newcastle against his old club Liverpool in the FA Cup at Anfield. Newcastle lost 4-0 and there were moments in the game when Kevin simply couldn't match the pace of the man who was marking him, Mark Lawrenson. He knew what he wanted to do but no longer had the physical prowess to do it. He was a perfectionist. Second best wasn't good enough. He knew it was time to go.
Although he was no publicity seeker he was fortunate in some ways to capitalise on the public's growing appetite for fame and celebrity. This had been sharpened considerably by George Best's seven or eight successful years with Manchester United. He was one of the greatest individual talents since the war and it was a privilege to play against him. Rebellious, good looking, easily led astray by a short skirt or magnum of champagne, George's adventures took football off the back pages and on to the front.
Sir Matt Busby was as fatherly as any manager could be in the circumstances. But no one was really surprised when George announced he was quitting the game at the age of 27. It was a great shame. Those five years between 27 and 32 are often the most productive of a footballer's career. George left behind some wonderful memories – his fabulous dribbling ability, the balance and ease with which he rode tackles, and a catalogue of great goals. He was at his peak in 1968 when he picked up the European Footballer of the Year award after winning the European Cup. I played against him early in my career – he scored a hat-trick against us. I scored a goal myself but my enduring memory of that day is the way George played. I remember him taking a short corner, receiving a return pass, dribbling past three defenders before selling Bobby Moore a peach of a dummy and tapping the ball into the net.
It was a memorable game at Old Trafford. United won 4-2 with George's hat-trick and another goal from Bobby Charlton. They very nearly got a fifth but Bobby Moore dived to head Denis Law's shot off the line. With Best, Charlton, Law, Willie Morgan and Brian Kidd, United were probably the most glamorous team in the old First Division at that time. It was back in the 1971–72 season and the triple alliance of Best, Charlton and Law was coming to an end. They were the Gods of the game and for a young player like me it was an awesome experience playing against them at Old Trafford. What a great example Bobby Charlton was to young players, on or off the field. You couldn't help but admire him. He started as a winger but, in the end, could play almost anywhere. It didn't matter whether the ball was on his right or left foot. It made no difference. He was genuinely two-footed and I couldn't tell you, even now, which was his best. He was a great passer with a wonderful shot and surge of power and was deservedly voted European Footballer of the Year in 1966.
My dad had used Bobby Charlton as an example to stress the advantages of being able to play with both feet. 'No one knows how best to challenge him,' he explained. He was right. A defender facing Bobby Charlton in full flow wouldn't know whether to channel him to the right or the left. He didn't have a weak side. He could go past a defender on either side. He was a wonderful player but for me George Best, equally adept with either foot, was on another level.
Playing alongside Charlton and Best at this time was 'the king' of Old Trafford – Denis Law. Skilful, daring and volatile, he bemused and bewitched a generation with his theatrical interpretation of the game. He was an original and there have been plenty of imitators in the years since. I loved the way he tucked the sleeves of his shirt into his fists and how he would raise one arm to salute a goal. His mop of blond hair became a trademark much admired and copied, most notably by the pop singer Rod Stewart. As a schoolboy in Aberdeen he wore glasses to correct a squint, but when he turned up at Huddersfield for a trial they knew they had unearthed something special. He then went on to Manchester City, Torino, Manchester United and City again in a 17-year career that produced more than 300 goals. He took pleasure in them all – except one. In 1974 United let him return to City on a free transfer and at the end of the season he back-heeled the goal that sent United down to the Second Division for the first time in 36 years.
Law played for Scotland on 55 occasions between 1958 and 1974 and was chosen to play alongside Di Stefano, Puskas, Eusebio, Yashin and Gento for the Rest of the World against England in the FA's centenary match at Wembley in 1963. Law relished such exalted company and it gave him particular delight to score against England that day. The following season he became the first and only Scotsman to be voted European Footballer of the Year.
It says much for Manchester United's status as the flag-bearers of the English club game that in the space of five years Law, Charlton and Best were all voted European Footballer of the Year. Each was a worthy winner, but there were others, equally deserving, who were overlooked. Jimmy Greaves, for instance! Has there been a more consistent goalscorer? Jim scored England's 90th-minute winner against the Rest of the World at Wembley and is still considered by many to be the greatest goalscorer in the history of the English game. He finished third in the 1963 European vote behind the legendary Moscow Dynamo goalkeeper Lev Yashin and Italy's Gianni Rivera.
Jimmy was a natural goalscorer and the statistics show just how instinctive he found the business of putting the ball in the net. He scored 357 goals in 516 league games for Chelsea, Tottenham and West Ham and a further nine in 12 games during his brief stay with AC Milan. He scored 44 goals in 57 matches for England, a rate unmatched by Bobby Charlton, Gary Lineker or any of England's top marksmen in the modern game such as Michael Owen or Wayne Rooney.
If you include his goals in cup competitions and for the England Under-23 side the grand total is 518. He headed the old First Division scoring list on five occasions and scored on every debut he made. Sadly, I missed his debut for West Ham because of injury. Nonetheless, he maintained his record, supplying two ice-cool finishes in the 5-1 win over Manchester City at Maine Road in March 1970. People who say that he wouldn't have survived in today's game are wrong. Players with his ability will always score goals and will adapt to the circumstances and demands made on them.
Unfortunately, when I played with him at West Ham, he was coming to the end of his career and I suspect that the problems that would engulf his private life were already gnawing at him. Jim always says that if you ask the Chelsea fans which were his best years they will say those at Chelsea, and if you ask Spurs fans they will say those at Spurs. But if you ask West Ham supporters they will say those at Chelsea or Spurs!
To be honest, Jimmy didn't do much apart from score but when you could score as regularly as he did you didn't have to do much else. He was stealthy, alert and absolutely deadly in the penalty area. There was no flamboyance about his game. He glided past defenders, wriggled around goalkeepers and almost invariably 'passed' the ball into the net. He made it look easy and that was the beauty of his game. I often wondered how he came to terms with the fact that Sir Alf Ramsey chose Geoff Hurst ahead of him for the World Cup final in 1966. He had originally lost his place because of injury but had fully recovered and, as England's leading goalscorer, was entitled to believe that he would be reinstated for the final. He wasn't. On the morning of the final he left the room he was sharing with Bobby Moore with his bags packed. As soon as the match finished he left Wembley with his wife and went on holiday. I think that his disenchantment with football began that day. He was desperately unlucky to miss the final. Had he played he might have won wider recognition in Europe. The fact that the English football writers never voted him Footballer of the Year remains a mystery to me.
At least my West Ham team-mate Bobby Moore won that national accolade. But the closest he got to the European title was second in 1970 when he was just edged out by Gerd Muller, the opportunist West Germany and Bayern Munich striker whose goal in extra time in Mexico ended England's tenure of the World Cup that year. That defeat was probably the biggest disappointment of Bobby's long and illustrious career. Lionised by his fellow professionals, he was the embodiment of all that was great about English football. His international career spanned nearly 14 years and 108 games. Bobby was captain for a record 90 matches, and England lost only 13 times when he led the team out.
Bobby enjoyed his celebrity status but never lost sight of his East End roots. He'd often sit quietly in a corner of one of his favourite London pubs, chatting to the locals. One Christmas he was sitting in just such a pub with a freshly plucked turkey on the bar in front of him. It was the turkey West Ham traditionally gave to their players on Christmas Eve. Tina, Bobby's wife, was at home, waiting to stuff the turkey. She was ringing round trying to find him and, in desperation, called Bob's mum, Dot. 'I bet I know where he is,' she said. She went straight to the pub. 'Get home with that turkey now,' she told the England captain in front of a sniggering audience. 'Leave off, Mum,' said Bobby. 'I'm nearly thirty now!'
Bobby liked a drink but, from my earliest days at West Ham, I'd been deeply impressed by his work ethic on the training ground. He was a good role model for youngsters. One Sunday morning early in my first-team career, I was having treatment from our physiotherapist, Rob Jenkins, at Upton Park. Rob, whose father Bill had been the club physio before him, was always in the treatment room on Sunday mornings, working on injured players. On this particular morning Bobby Moore turned up in a sweat suit and started lapping the Upton Park pitch. 'What's he doing?' I asked Rob. 'He always does that on Sunday morning if he's had a big Saturday night out,' Rob explained.
No argument about the greatest defender of the time is ever likely to end in agreement, but all such debate must start with Bobby Moore. Others, such as Italy's Facchetti, Germany's Beckenbauer or Argentina's Passarella, might have been stronger, more elegant or quicker but none had Bobby's combination of talents. Those who saw him play will know what I mean. Those who didn't are unlikely to understand. Bobby wasn't the quickest, the tallest, or the toughest, but he had a matchless mix of skills that gave him composure and a presence that were a fine example to those around him. Critics who said he couldn't run, couldn't head the ball or couldn't tackle were really missing the point. His thought process was the quickest thing on the pitch. He was always ahead of everyone else. Trying to sneak the ball past him was like trying to sneak the sunrise past a rooster.
Bobby was already an established international star when I went to Upton Park as a boy. His career seemed to run forever. He played in the days of Johnny Haynes and Billy Wright and was still playing when Kenny Dalglish, a big name from a much more recent era, suddenly burst upon the scene. They played against each other for the first time when Bobby marked Kenny in the Scottish FA centenary match in February 1973.
In those days Scotland drew most of their players from the English clubs. Leeds, Liverpool, Manchester United, Manchester City, Arsenal, Tottenham, Derby and Newcastle regularly supplied the hard core of the Scotland team. Kenny was still learning the basics of the game at Celtic when he lined up with George Graham, Martin Buchan, Lou Macari, Billy Bremner and Peter Lorimer for his first taste of the 'auld enemy'. It was a bitter experience for the raw Dalglish. On a snowy Hampden Park Willie Ormond's Scotland were beaten 5-0 by England.
Dalglish matured into a wonderful player who, if selected, would have graced the long and distinguished list of European Footballer of the Year winners. His best finish was second to Michel Platini, of France and Juventus, in 1983 when he was at the height of an illustrious playing career. He'd joined Liverpool from Celtic for £440,000 at the start of 1977–78, the replacement for Kevin Keegan, and within weeks the fans on the Kop had unfurled new banners that read: 'Kenny's From Heaven!'
Keegan, who had picked up the mantle of greatness once it slipped from George Best's shoulders, handed it on to Kenny, who accepted the responsibility with enthusiasm. A model professional, Dalglish took just 100 games to score his first 50 goals for Liverpool. His strike rate never faltered. A superb all-round creator and finisher, his only weakness was probably a lack of genuine pace. It was something we had in common! He won a record 102 caps for Scotland, three European Cup-winner's medals and seven League Championship titles.
He scored spectacular goals and I remember in particular the one against West Ham in the Milk Cup final replay at Villa Park in 1981. We were leading 1-0 when Terry McDermott chipped a ball through to the right of our goal. Kenny was already in the penalty area and as the ball floated over his shoulder he slid and hooked it in one movement across the face of the goal into the far corner of the net. It was a remarkable goal and laid the foundation for Liverpool's 2-1 victory.
In the summer of 1985, when Joe Fagan stepped down as manager following the Heysel Stadium disaster in the European Cup final in Brussels, Kenny was elevated to player-manager. His success continued unabated with the league and FA Cup double in his first season as manager. I rate him among the truly great players of that era and what few people know is that Kenny and I could have been team-mates. Before he joined Celtic he had trials with a number of clubs in England, including West Ham. He spent a week at our training ground at Chadwell Heath. Ron Greenwood, the manager, said later that his talent was obvious as soon as he saw him play. West Ham were keen to sign him as an apprentice but, sadly, young Dalglish was homesick and went back to Glasgow where he signed for Celtic.
When he was at the pinnacle of his game what particularly impressed me was his speed of thought. A bit like Bobby Moore, he always seemed a second or two ahead of everyone else. That compensated for any lack of pace. He was two-footed, shielded the ball well and was always aware of the runners around him. He had the knack of picking the right pass at the right time.
Although he came along a little later than Kenny Dalglish, I'd have to put Gary Lineker right up there as one of the great goalscorers of his day. I first played against him in 1979 when Leicester were on their way to the old Second Division title, but I particularly remember a game against him two or three years later when Leicester City savaged West Ham at Filbert Street. They won 4-1 and young Lineker was the player who caught my eye. I thought then that he was a future England striker, though I seem to recall someone telling me that he was Scottish! He was, of course, born in Leicester and was destined to become one of the great strikers of the eighties.
The thing that impressed me about him was his lightning speed and astute reading of the game. The timing of his runs was excellent. That is what set him apart from other strikers who were merely quick. He made his England debut in 1984 and two years later established himself as a global star when he finished the 1986 World Cup in Mexico as the leading marksman with six goals. It was his hat-trick against Poland in Monterrey that pulled England back from the brink of a shameful World Cup exit.
After seven seasons at Leicester he had moved to Everton but his success in Mexico put him on the international market. Just weeks after returning from the World Cup, and after only one season at Goodison Park, Everton reluctantly accepted a £2.75 million offer from Barcelona. Gary, who finished his England career with 48 goals, just one behind the all-time record scorer Bobby Charlton, formed a productive attacking partnership with Peter Beardsley. They became key figures in Bobby Robson's eight-year reign as manager.
Remarkably, Gary was never cautioned in a professional career spanning nearly two decades. His exemplary behaviour on and off the field was recognised by FIFA with their Fair Play award. He was, and continues to be, an excellent ambassador for the English game and is now instantly recognised as a TV personality and football pundit. The place where he really came alive, though, was the penalty area. His knack of suddenly changing the direction of his run regularly generated chaos in opposing defences. He knew which causes to chase and which to leave alone. As a midfield player, I would have enjoyed delivering the ball into his path. I'd retired from international football when he made his debut against Scotland in May 1984 but, happily, I was privileged to play alongside many players Gary would list among his England team-mates.
Notable among these was the Manchester United captain Bryan Robson, who was once described by England manager Bobby Robson as 'the bravest, most committed and strongest player I ever had'. It was no exaggeration. Bryan possessed a depth of commitment that bordered on the reckless, a fact borne out by the number of injuries he sustained. I have seen estimates that his injuries cost him about 30 England caps. As it was, he played for his country 90 times and scored 26 goals – a remarkable return for a midfield player. But he was no ordinary midfield player. Bobby Robson christened him 'Captain Marvel'. He was three players in one – defender, midfielder and goalscorer. He tackled, passed and scored goals. You couldn't ask for much more.
I played a few games with him towards the end of my career and, unfortunately, was a spectator when he produced perhaps his finest performance, in England's 3-1 win over France in Bilbao in the opening match of the 1982 World Cup. It was England's return to the World Cup stage after a 12-year absence and we made an instant impact with the quickest ever goal in the tournament – Bryan Robson's strike after just 27 seconds. He provided a second goal and gave a stirring performance in midfield that earned praise from around the world.
That team included some of the best England players of my time – among them Peter Shilton, Terry Butcher, Kenny Sansom, Ray Wilkins and Steve Coppell. Shilton's place in goalkeeping folklore is safe, with his record 125 caps in a 20-year international career. Many consider him the finest England goalkeeper of all but I think Gordon Banks has an irresistible claim to that title. England's World Cup-winning goalkeeper would have earned more than his 73 caps had it not been for the car accident that robbed him of the sight in one eye, dramatically cutting short a wonderful career. His value to England was never more apparent than at the 1970 World Cup, when Alf Ramsey considered Gordon's enforced absence to be the main reason why England lost to West Germany. Similarly, I recall with some frustration just how valuable he was to Stoke in the four-match League Cup semi-final epic against West Ham in 1971–72. Gordon's outstanding contribution included a remarkable save from Geoff Hurst's penalty.
Like Bryan Robson, Terry Butcher broke into the England team in 1980 and stayed for a long time. He won a total of 77 caps and but for injury – he missed the 1988 European Championship, for instance – would have won a lot more. He was still a fledgling international in 1982 when he played in all the games that mattered at the World Cup in Spain. Terry stood 6ft 3in, passed well with his left foot and was as brave as a lion. The English public will always remember the image of him trudging, bandaged and blood-stained, from the pitch at the end of a match against Sweden. At his best he was one of the most consistent and reliable centre-backs in the world but, in my opinion, the defender he succeeded was equally as good.
Dave Watson, of Sunderland, Manchester City, Werder Bremen and Southampton, was from the old school of England centre-halves. He had started his career as a striker with Notts County but by the time he got into the England squad he was a powerful and uncompromising centre-half. Not the tallest of centre-backs by today's standards, he was nonetheless outstanding at attacking the ball in the air, as he demonstrated with the immense header that led to the first of England's four goals against Hungary at Wembley in 1978.
Dave made his England debut at the same time as me in Sir Alf Ramsey's final match in Portugal in 1974. Sadly, his career coincided with the 12 years of England's exile from the World Cup so he never got the opportunity to play on football's biggest stage. Whenever we travelled with England you always knew which room Dave was occupying because of the noise! He invariably took a big music box with him. He loved heavy rock and particularly Status Quo. He'd often go to recording studios to listen to bands making records and, at that time, I would not have been surprised had he turned up with a guitar one night on _Top of the Pops_!
His mate in the England squad was Steve Coppell, who was a bit of an academic but shared a passion for heavy rock. His career was unorthodox in that, rather than sign for a club as an apprentice, he went to Liverpool University to study economics. Tranmere Rovers thought enough of his football skill to play him as an amateur in their Third Division team.
He was a winger at a time when wingers were unfashionable but the Manchester United manager Tommy Docherty spotted his potential and bought him for a bargain £50,000 in February 1975. Docherty played him for ten of the last 11 games of the season – eight wins and three draws – so Steve played a significant part in helping United win the old Second Division title.
Sadly, his playing career was cut short by injury. A tackle by the Hungarian Jozsef Toth at Wembley in November 1981 damaged his knee and, although he played on for a year or so more, the knee condition worsened. He was able to play in the first four games of the 1982 World Cup but the problem flared up after the goalless draw with West Germany and he had to miss the decisive match against Spain. He had become an essential element in the team and it would be a long time before England found another wide player as smart and energetic as Steve.
It was Sir Alf Ramsey, of course, who had stunted the development of wingers in the sixties but by the time Steve joined United, coaches were again looking for wide players who could both attack and defend. Steve fell into that category. He had the pace to reach a 30-yard pass, the skill to wriggle past a defender and send over the perfect cross. But he also had the energy to run back and provide cover for his defensive team-mates on the right flank. It was this willingness to work up and down the right flank that set him apart from so many other wingers at that time. When his team lost possession Steve didn't hang about on the flank waiting for someone to win it back. He wanted to win it back himself. He was involved all the time – a quality that is a prerequisite for today's wide players.
Steve made his England debut against Italy in 1977 along with Manchester City's Peter Barnes, who played wide on the left, and Everton's Bob Latchford, who played up front alongside Kevin Keegan. I remember it particularly well because I scored in our 2-0 win. For a while the front four of Coppell, Latchford, Keegan and Barnes looked a very promising formation. Whenever they were available Ron almost always picked them and two years later, when all four played against Scotland at Wembley, Coppell, Keegan and Barnes all scored in a 3-1 win.
I clearly recall manager Ron Greenwood stressing to Coppell and Barnes before each match that they would have to do their share of donkey work in midfield. Why? Because at that time Ray Wilkins and I were playing in the centre of midfield and neither of us had a reputation for tackling. Therefore if we lost the ball in midfield we could be terribly exposed. This is exactly what happened a few weeks after that win over Scotland.
Our 'famous' front four lined up with Ray and myself in midfield to face Austria on a sultry night in Vienna. I have to say that Steve did his fair share that day, scoring one of our goals, but Ray and I struggled to protect our back four. It was exciting, but we lost 4-3. Ray was one of the great England players of my time and when we meet these days we still have a chuckle about the times we roomed together. I used to share with him before being 'upgraded' to share with Kevin Keegan. As a player Ray was neat, tidy and precise – the same qualities he demonstrated off the field. I don't share his obsession with tidiness, something he's happy to tell everyone he meets. He claims I was the most untidy player it was his misfortune to room with. He was always complaining because I'd left my socks on the floor or I hadn't shut the wardrobe door. I survived his constant moaning by burying my head in a book. Even today Ray will tell you: 'I always knew when I was boring Trevor because he'd suddenly pick up a book and start reading.' It's true. I always had a book on the go, usually a thriller of some sort, when I travelled with England. Ray and I were great pals and, somehow, still are.
He was a wonderful player with a fantastic passing range. I never understood those who criticised him for passing backwards or square. He simply didn't want to give the ball away. And he didn't. He was a natural leader, the captain of Chelsea at 18. He had a broad vision of the game and was probably more appreciated by coaches than the man on the terraces. Nonetheless, he was hugely valued by Chelsea, Manchester United and AC Milan and was capable of moments of inspiration – his goal against Belgium in the 1980 European Championship being a classic example of that.
That tournament in Italy provided an opportunity for a swathe of top-quality England players to experience tournament football for the first time. Failure to qualify for the 1974 and 1978 World Cups meant that England were absent from tournaments from the 1970 World Cup in Mexico until the Euros in 1980. So for players like me, Kevin Keegan, Ray Wilkins, Dave Watson, Steve Coppell, Kenny Sansom and Glenn Hoddle the trip to Italy in the summer of 1980 was a new experience.
Some rose to the challenge in spectacular fashion, others were more cautious. Then there were those, like Glenn Hoddle, who just wanted the chance to show what they could do on the international stage. Probably the most talked-about player of the time, Glenn went on a pre-tournament trip to Australia with England. Ron Greenwood had still to finalise the make-up of his squad and had to make a choice between Hoddle and Bryan Robson in midfield. Hoddle scored in a 2-1 win in Sydney and got the vote. His fans were jubilant. There were those who couldn't find enough superlatives to describe him. But he did have his detractors; those who felt he didn't work hard enough or contribute sufficiently to defensive duties. It seemed to me at the time that whenever he played for England he was on trial and had something to prove. That was an unfair burden to place on a player who, for me, was as gifted a footballer as I'd seen since George Best drifted out of the game.
He'd been a regular in the Tottenham side for three years when Ron Greenwood gave him his England debut on a foggy night against Bulgaria at Wembley in 1979. Glenn scored with a long-range shot, but it probably took him three or four more years before he considered himself a regular in the England side. There was much about his game that reminded me of the great South American players – his ability to pull the ball down from shoulder height with either foot, the weight and range of his passing and the precision with which he trapped the ball. He started only one match in the Euros in Italy and only one in the 1982 World Cup in Spain but by the time the 1986 World Cup came round Bobby Robson was convinced of his value. He played in all five games and Gary Lineker described him as, 'A striker's dream. I would make runs never seen by most people but always seen by him.' Glenn won 53 caps in the years between 1979 and 1988 and would probably have played many more times for England if it weren't for his tendency to drift out of games. But you can't have everything! I thought he was brilliant.
One of his closest pals in the England squad was Arsenal's Kenny Sansom, who made his England debut in a goalless draw with Wales in 1979 and established himself as a left-back of truly outstanding potential in the 1980 Euros. For me he was as good as Ray Wilson, England's world-class left-back of 1966. As an attacking left-back Kenny had few rivals and was almost unchallenged until the emergence of Stuart Pearce in 1987.
Initially Kenny benefited from the shrewd tutelage of Terry Venables in the young Crystal Palace side that was tagged the 'Team of the Eighties'. I remember playing with him for an England XI in a testimonial match at Aston Villa and I've never forgotten the surging runs he made on the left. He was like an orthodox left-winger playing at left-back. He and John Barnes provided England with a formidable partnership on the left. Barnes, a little like Hoddle, was a complex and unpredictable talent. He had his fans – and his detractors. But there was no doubting his talent. He demonstrated this spectacularly in Brazil in 1984. I was fortunate enough to be in Rio in my new role with the BBC when England, touring South America, faced Brazil in the old Maracana stadium. England won 2-0 and John scored with a goal that was Brazilian in concept and execution. A searing run at the heart of the Brazil defence carried him past lunging tackles and into the area, where he casually slid the ball past the goalkeeper.
It was a wonderful goal, his first for England, but in some ways it became something of a curse. People came to expect the same magic in every match he played. Such moments are not easily replicated. He was a powerful runner with a thudding shot and I suspect he was frustrated when not given more opportunities in a central role. He could play as a central striker but Bobby Robson preferred to use him on the wing. Predominantly left-footed, there's no doubt that his ability to whip in crosses from the left considerably enhanced Liverpool's appeal and their goal-scoring record.
John won a total of 79 caps in a 12-year international career and for much of that time played with the other great England winger of the time – Chris Waddle. Another purist who had much in common with John, there were times when they appeared to be taking turns in the England shirt. Eventually, Robson realised the threat they posed when they played together – as they did in the first five matches of the 1990 World Cup in Italy.
Chris made a total of 62 appearances for England but was discounted early in Graham Taylor's reign. I guess he presented Taylor with the usual dilemma a manager faces when dealing with an unconventional talent – how best to exploit it. Some players present no such problems. My great friend Billy Bonds, for example. You didn't have to exploit him. You just sent him out on to the field knowing that for 90 minutes he would give you everything he had. He did that for West Ham for 21 seasons – a record 804 first-team games and 61 goals. Ron Greenwood signed him as a right-back from Charlton Athletic for £47,500 in May 1967. Ron agreed to pay a further £2,500 if Bill was awarded an England cap.
Charlton very nearly got the extra £2,500 14 years later. Greenwood, then England manager, selected Bill for his first cap against Brazil at Wembley in May 1981. He'd also called up West Ham's young centre-half Alvin Martin for his debut and felt that Bill's familiar presence alongside him would be helpful. Sadly for Bill, four days before the international he cracked two ribs in the final league game of the season against Sheffield Wednesday. Had he got into the England team on that occasion he would have been hard to shift. Instead, he finished a remarkable career without playing for his country and, for me, he remains the best uncapped player of my time in the game.
He was certainly the best signing West Ham ever made. Apart from his 21 seasons as a player he was also youth-team coach and manager for four years. As a player his fitness was legendary. He was still playing at 42. He put the rest of us to shame. A family man who enjoys country walks, bird watching and Thomas Hardy novels, once he got on to the pitch he was transformed into a warrior who could hold his own with the rogues and tough guys of the time. Players like Tommy Smith, Mike Doyle, Johnny Giles, Graham Roberts, Graeme Souness, Jimmy Case, Peter Storey and Ronnie Harris would never take liberties with Billy Bonds.
He was the best captain I played under. Bobby Moore led by example, but Bill encouraged us in a way that brought the best out of us. Whether at right-back, centre-back or in midfield, he was a dominant, inspiring figure on the field, but very shy off it. He was more than happy to keep a low profile. An incident just before the 1980 FA Cup final illustrated his attitude to TV and the media in general. We were staying at a hotel in Hendon the day before the match and the TV cameras were due to film us that afternoon. I was sharing a room with Bill and just before the TV crew arrived he said he was going to 'pop to the betting shop for five minutes'. Three hours later he returned, assuming the interviews were over. He was horrified to discover that because of technical hitches the recording had been put back to that evening. He agreed to co-operate providing he could sit in the background and didn't have to answer questions!
Billy Bonds had no equal. Thirty years after my retirement from professional football I can still say that there is no player I would rather have in my team than Bill. It was a great shame that he never won the cap he so richly deserved. With that foremost in mind I have selected what I believe to be the best England team drawn from those I played with or against in the years 1966–84:
Banks (Stoke);
Bonds (West Ham), Watson (Manchester City), Moore (West Ham), Sansom (Arsenal);
Coppell (Manchester United), Charlton (Manchester United), Robson (Manchester United), Barnes (Liverpool);
Keegan (Liverpool), Hurst (West Ham).
#### CHAPTER 13
#### WHO'D BE A FOOTBALL MANAGER?
WHO'D BE A FOOTBALL MANAGER? It's one of those jobs you know will almost certainly end in tears unless you have a record like Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United. Just ask David Moyes. I had two brief spells managing West Ham and it was enough to convince me that I was right to decide when I finished playing that I would not be extending my football career into management on a permanent basis.
Let me be clear. I enjoyed the two periods I had in charge at Upton Park. Yes, I was sad that the first one ended in relegation. So, in a sense that ended in tears! But I'd obviously made a good impression because when a second opportunity came along I was the first choice to take over again on a short-term basis. I had often wondered what it would be like to manage a big club like West Ham. Most fans think they can do it. But it's not as straightforward as it seems, especially not in the modern game. I had been involved in professional football for nearly 40 years when I was given my first chance and I have to admit that it was an eye-opening experience.
Ron Greenwood and John Lyall, who between them managed West Ham for almost 30 years, were the men who shaped my thinking about football management. Both top-quality coaches, they were honest, uncomplicated and committed to their jobs at Upton Park. I learned a lot from both of them. They were fortunate to work at a time when trust and loyalty were still considered virtues. At the time of John Lyall's sacking in 1989 the club had employed just five managers in 87 years. In the 25 years since John's departure the club appointed a total of nine managers. How times change!
I have followed the fortunes of the nine with interest because of my affinity with the club. The inevitable newspaper speculation following John's sacking suggested that the frontrunners for his job were Peter Shreeves, Ray Harford, Don Howe, Harry Redknapp and Steve Coppell. They were even tipping me as an outsider. But John's successor was eventually unveiled as the Swindon manager and former Scotland striker Lou Macari, who made a goal-scoring debut for Manchester United against West Ham at Old Trafford in 1973. I missed that game through injury but remember it because United were bottom of the table at the time and their team that day included eight Scots. Another Scot, Tommy Docherty, was manager. Lou was a far better player than he was manager and after just eight turbulent months in charge at Upton Park he resigned, explaining that he wanted to fight to clear his name of FA allegations about unauthorised betting while manager of Swindon. His 229 days represented the shortest tenure by a West Ham manager. He had 40 matches in charge and won just 15 of them.
For Lou it all came to a head in February 1990. The rumblings of dressing-room disharmony were cruelly exposed on the plastic pitch at Boundary Park where Oldham beat West Ham 6-0 in the first leg of the Littlewoods Cup semi-final. Four days later West Ham faced Lou's old club Swindon in a critical Second Division promotion clash. That Sunday, the team bus was late leaving the usual meeting place for the players, the Swallow hotel at Waltham Abbey on the M25. Lou had not turned up at the allotted time so his coaching assistants Billy Bonds and Ronnie Boyce ordered the bus to leave with the players, hoping that Macari would join them at Swindon. He didn't. He had decided to resign. The mounting problems at the club combined with the tabloid coverage of the betting scandal persuaded him that it was time to go despite reassurances of support from the West Ham board.
On the team bus that day was Ludo Miklosko, the 6ft 4in goalkeeper Lou had signed from Banik Ostrava for £300,000. Identified as the long-term replacement for Phil Parkes, Ludo had waited two months to receive his work permit and must have wondered what kind of club he'd joined as he sat on the bus travelling to Swindon. He was expecting to make his long-awaited debut. But where was the manager who had signed him?
Having hastily been placed in charge of the team, Billy Bonds and Ronnie Boyce agreed that Ludo should make his debut as planned. He played well and produced two particularly critical saves that ensured West Ham drew 2-2. Twenty-four hours later Lou's resignation was announced officially, kicking off another round of managerial speculation. Peter Shreeves, Harry Redknapp and Ray Harford were again the names thrown into the mix. There was even a suggestion that John Lyall, sacked just eight months earlier, should be asked to return. That was a non-starter but I detected a feeling that the club wanted to return to the tradition of appointing from 'inside'. Macari and Ron Greenwood were the only managers to arrive at Upton Park with no previous association with the club.
After 23 years as player and coach Billy Bonds had an intimate knowledge of what made the club tick. His managerial experience was scant, but did that matter? He was a man of loyalty and integrity and the fans loved him. The decision was left to the club's new chairman, Martin Cearns. He had just succeeded his father Len, who had been a director for 42 years. Martin, wisely, decided that Bill was the man for the job. Bill immediately appointed another West Ham stalwart, Ronnie Boyce, as his number two. They were 'family' and received a rapturous welcome from 20,000 fans at their first game in charge – a 1-1 home draw with Blackburn Rovers.
In the next game a Martin Allen goal at Middlesbrough gave Bill his first win and a few days later Oldham came down to Upton Park to defend their six-goal lead from the first leg of the Littlewoods Cup semi-final. There was no realistic chance that West Ham would recover the deficit but when Julian Dicks hit the bar, with West Ham already leading 3-0, you began to wonder. In the end the aggregate score was 6-3, but Bill was already restoring pride and confidence.
Bill's promotion to the top job galvanised West Ham and brought stability and hope. When they played Harry Redknapp's Bournemouth in April they were back in eighth position and a play-off place was just a possibility. Harry's boy, Jamie, making his first start, got an early taste of life at this level. Bournemouth were swamped as West Ham cruised to a 4-1 win. At the end of the season Harry and Bournemouth were relegated while Bill got West Ham to within one place and two points of the play-offs.
Bill had four seasons in charge and his first full season, 1990–91, was his most successful. There was a sense that this was a new beginning. Two old stalwarts, Phil Parkes and Alan Devonshire, had gone, along with Liam Brady. Record goalscorer Frank McAvennie, who broke a leg in Macari's first match at the start of the previous season, was back in action. He'd made a couple of appearances as a substitute at the end of the previous season, but we saw what we'd been missing when he scored in the first home match of the season – a 1-1 draw with Portsmouth.
West Ham were unbeaten for the first 21 league matches – a run of results that included a 3-1 win over John Lyall's Ipswich – and were top of the table when they finally stumbled, losing 1-0 at Barnsley over Christmas. The second half of the season was just as productive, although the FA Cup provided a prolonged distraction. Wins against Aldershot, Luton, Crewe and Everton secured a semi-final date with Nottingham Forest at Villa Park – an infamous episode for all West Ham fans. The result hinged on a 26th-minute decision by referee Keith Hackett and his interpretation of the newly introduced 'professional foul' law. When Tony Gale collided with Gary Crosby about 25 yards from goal, Hackett decided it was a 'professional foul' and gave Gale his marching orders. It was his first dismissal in a long and distinguished career. At that moment the match was evenly balanced at 0-0. But in the second half the ten men gradually tired and Brian Clough's Forest put four goals past Ludo Miklosko.
The consolation for Bill came a month later on the last day of the league programme. West Ham led the table by two points from Oldham and by some strange fixture quirk the leading four clubs were playing each other: West Ham (1) v Notts County (4), Oldham (2) v Sheffield Wednesday (3). As long as West Ham could match Oldham's result they would finish as champions.
Before the kick-off Ludo was presented with the Hammer of the Year award for keeping 21 clean sheets – just one short of Parkes' all-time club record. Sadly, it was quickly apparent that Ludo would not be matching Phil's record that afternoon. Within 27 minutes Mark Draper had given County a two-goal lead. George Parris pulled a goal back for West Ham and 2-1 was how it finished. Up at Boundary Park, where the match was now in injury time, it was 2-2 and a single point would not be enough to lift Oldham above West Ham.
West Ham were champions! Or were they? Champagne corks were already popping as Football League and Barclays Bank officials carried the championship trophy and players' medals to a table, decked out in claret and blue, on the pitch. Suddenly they stopped. There was a moment of obvious confusion and embarrassment. Then they started retreating. Up at Oldham, in the last seconds, Neil Redfearn had scored a penalty. Oldham had won 3-2 and they were about to be crowned as champions. West Ham had fallen at the final hurdle, but they were promoted as runners-up. It said much for the progress Bill had made in 15 months in charge that he and his players were bitterly disappointed to have finished second.
Sadly, the club failed to build on that progress. Bill knew the first season back in the old First Division would be challenging. West Ham were installed among the early favourites for relegation in 1991–92 and by mid-September were languishing in 18th place after just one win from the opening eight games. Bill was unfortunate in the sense that the implementation of the Taylor Report, which decreed that every stadium would have to be all-seater within two years, meant that already meagre financial resources had to be spent on ground safety measures rather than on strengthening the playing staff. Bill had less than £1 million to spend in the transfer market and, in order to trim the wage bill, he released players such as Ray Stewart and Stewart Robson on free transfers and sold Iain Dowie to Southampton for £500,000 after he'd played just 12 games for the club.
At this time the club was considering either redeveloping Upton Park or relocating. Redevelopment was the preferred option even though it was going to cost £15.5 million and would take three years to transform Upton Park into a 25,000 all-seater stadium. To help finance this, the club launched the 'Hammers Bond' scheme. The idea was that supporters would pay up to £975 for the right to buy a season ticket. No Bond meant no season ticket and therefore a scramble for the 6,000 remaining 'un-Bonded' tickets, which were available essentially for visiting fans. This caused huge ill feeling among the fans. Although the scheme had influential backers – Billy Bonds was not among them – there were all kinds of sit-ins and protests and regular chants of 'Sack the Board!'
It was not a good atmosphere in which to conduct a relegation fight and, not surprisingly, highlights on the pitch were few and far between. A wonderful goal from Mike Small produced a 1-0 win at Arsenal in November but West Ham won only two of the next 20 matches and, by the time they faced Manchester United at Upton Park in mid-April, they were locked at the bottom of the table. Second-placed United had to win to have any chance of presenting Alex Ferguson with his first title. It was the last season of a championship that had begun in 1888–89.
Ferguson's United would win the first FA Premier League title the following season, but he was not to know that when he complained bitterly about the 'obscene' effort West Ham had put into denying his team the last old First Division title. West Ham had failed to score in nine of their previous 12 games and United, one point behind Leeds with a game in hand, saw this midweek fixture as the ideal opportunity to leapfrog them to the top. But they had not taken full-back Kenny Brown into the equation. In the 66th minute a right-wing cross from Stuart Slater was inadvertently driven against Kenny by United centre-half Gary Pallister. The ball bounced off Kenny into the net and although some thought it a bit of a fluke Kenny claimed he got a significant touch. Whatever, we were all delighted, especially the goalscorer whose dad, also Ken, was in the stands. Ken Brown senior had played for West Ham from 1952 to 1967.
The 1-0 win was not enough to save West Ham from relegation. Three days later they went to Coventry, themselves in the relegation fight, and lost 1-0. That confirmed West Ham's demise. But a woeful season had one ironic twist left. The last game was against Nottingham Forest at Upton Park and Bill decided to make Frank McAvennie substitute. As he had just been handed a free transfer, this was the last chance the 31-year-old Scot had to bid farewell. He had developed a real rapport with the Upton Park faithful during his two spells with the club. Bill decided to put him on at half time and Frank responded by demolishing Des Walker, who had just completed a big-money transfer to Sampdoria. A prolific marksman in his heyday, Frank scored a hat-trick in 25 minutes. It was a rare moment to savour in an otherwise unedifying season.
Bill decided a bit of a staff reshuffle was in order at the start of 1992–93. His friend of many years and one-time team-mate Harry Redknapp had quit as Bournemouth manager, declaring that he 'needed a break from the game'. It was a short break. Bill offered him a job as first-team coach and ushered long-serving one-club loyalist Ronnie Boyce into a scouting role. Tony Carr, one of the great youth coaches of recent times, took over the development of the youth section while Paul Hilton succeeded him as reserve-team coach.
There was a sense that Harry was coming home to the East End. He and Bill had formed something of a partnership on West Ham's right flank in the sixties. I always got on well with Harry when he was a player. My parents got on well with his dad because they would sometimes travel together to matches when we were kids. As he established himself at the club he got a bit of a reputation as a ducker and diver because he would sometimes turn up at the training ground with a car boot full of stuff he wanted to sell. He introduced the car-boot sale years before it became popular!
Harry was an old-fashioned winger and a big favourite with the fans. The die-hards on the old Chicken Run terrace loved him, and his fiery red hair made him a very distinctive figure. Like me, he wasn't a natural tackler but he could still summon a bit of temper and belligerence. I remember, for instance, how unwise he was to kick Billy Bremner in the shins at Leeds in October 1968. Small, Scotch and ginger (like the drink!), Bremner was the captain of Leeds and a formidable opponent who never took kindly to being kicked. On top of that, West Ham's relations with Don Revie and Leeds United had been strained ever since we humiliated them with a 7-0 win in a League Cup tie at Upton Park in November 1966.
Memories of that result were still a source of irritation for them when we went to Elland Road two years later. Leeds were top of the table at the time and stayed there all season. They had obviously identified Harry as a menace and Bremner went after him from the kick-off. After one particularly spiteful tackle, Harry kicked out in retaliation. Referee Tom Pallister immediately sent Harry off – only the second player dismissed under Ron Greenwood. We were already one goal down but the ten men played gallantly and held out until the 62nd minute. The artful Bremner rubbed it in, swallow diving theatrically in the penalty area. It was a dubious claim, but the referee gave Leeds the penalty and Johnny Giles scored past Bobby Ferguson. So Harry and Bill had plenty of history in common when they came together again with the intention of restoring West Ham to a place among the elite of the game. This was the inaugural season of the Premier League, a competition that would develop into the multi-million-pound business we see today. West Ham were not part of it. Instead, the club were in the renamed First Division – from which they had just been relegated!
An Alan Pardew goal gave Charlton a 1-0 win in West Ham's opening home game and then Kevin Keegan's Newcastle confirmed just how difficult promotion was going to be when they won 2-0 at St James' Park in the early days of the new season. Julian Dicks was sent off in that match and, in fact, received his marching orders three times in the first four months of the season. The Newcastle defeat was followed by an eight-match unbeaten run that lifted West Ham to second in the table. The fans, though, remained largely unimpressed. Just 11,921 turned up for the Watford match and even fewer – 10,326 – for the visit of Sunderland. They had still not forgiven the board for the ill-conceived 'Hammers Bond' scheme.
But the mood had changed dramatically by the time West Ham faced Sunderland at Roker Park on 27 February. The match ended goalless, but the result hardly mattered. Three days earlier Bobby Moore, the greatest Hammer of all, had died at the age of 51 after a long fight against bowel and liver cancer. Bobby's death unleashed a wave of emotion nationwide but it was probably among West Ham fans that the loss was felt most deeply. Supporters from both clubs laid wreaths and a minute's silence was impeccably observed. A week later the biggest crowd of the season – 24,679 – was at Upton Park to watch West Ham face Wolves. Geoff Hurst and Martin Peters, who had shared many of Bobby's great triumphs, and former West Ham manager Ron Greenwood carried a floral tribute in the shape of Moore's number six shirt on to the pitch. No player wore the number six shirt that day. Ian Bishop wore number 12 instead.
The match was incidental, but the result important to Bill and Harry, who had both played for many years with Bobby. West Ham came from behind to win 3-1. They were well on course for promotion and, in a sense, the death of Bobby Moore had a unifying effect on the fans. Perplexed and disheartened by the 'Hammers Bond' scheme, they now began to return to Upton Park in greater numbers and late in the season, as Bill and his men clinched the runners-up spot and promotion with four consecutive wins, the scheme was finally shelved.
It was a difficult start to life in the Premiership. Upton Park looked like a building site when Wimbledon arrived for the opening match of the 1993–94 season. Their owner Sam Hammam inexplicably scrawled graffiti over the visitors' dressing room before watching his team secure a 2-0 win. When West Ham faced Glenn Hoddle's Chelsea at Upton Park in October they had won only two of nine games. Before the Chelsea kick-off Bobby's widow – his second wife Stephanie – was joined by Geoff Hurst, Martin Peters and club chairman Terry Brown in sealing a time capsule into the foundations of the proposed new Bobby Moore stand. Bobby would have been quietly pleased that they had seen fit to name a stand after him. He would also have been delighted with the result. A Trevor Morley goal secured a 1-0 win, lifting West Ham to 17th.
Things were looking up by December. A 2-0 win over Southampton – the eighth clean sheet in 11 games – lifted West Ham to 10th in the table. The board were obviously happy with the progress under Bill because in January they offered him and Harry new three-year contracts. Bill said that Harry had done a great job in the 18 months they had been together. Harry said that he'd enjoyed every minute of it.
Six months later, after West Ham had finished a respectable 13th in their first Premiership season, it had all turned sour. The true circumstances of Bill's departure remain something of a mystery. It is a matter that Bill and Harry still refuse to agree over. They were friends for many years – Harry was best man at Bill's wedding – but that is no longer the case.
Harry made his debut for West Ham in August 1965, two years before me, replacing Peter Brabrook in a 1-1 home draw with Sunderland. But it wasn't until my first season – 1967–68 – that he began to wear the number seven shirt regularly. Sadly, he didn't win anything with West Ham. The nearest he came was the League Cup in 1972, when we were beaten in a semi-final marathon with Stoke. It was, in fact, a foul on Harry by Gordon Banks that gave Geoff Hurst the penalty that the England goalkeeper saved. But for his save we would have progressed to the final.
Later that year Harry was transferred to Bournemouth where he went on to make a name for himself as a coach. He led them to the Third Division title in 1986–87 with a record number of points and spent nine years there, establishing a reputation for himself as a wheeler-dealer in the transfer market. He always enjoyed coaching and got all the qualifications he needed. Years later, long after Bill had left West Ham and the pair of them had gone their separate ways, Harry claimed that he had told Bill that Bournemouth had made him an offer to return to Dean Court that he simply couldn't refuse. Harry claims that Bill's reaction was: 'I don't know what I'll do without you, Harry. If you go, I'll go.'
Bill has kept a dignified silence over the exact circumstances surrounding his resignation. I think he's the most genuine person I've known in football and, considering his reputation at West Ham, I don't think Harry or the club came out of it as they should have done. I don't think Bill was very well treated at the time. I also think it's fair to say that my relationship with Harry suffered because he knew that Bill had confided in me. Publicly, what is known is that during a pre-season tour in Scotland in August 1994 Bill was summoned to a hurriedly arranged board meeting in the team's hotel. It was suggested to him that he become director of football, with a job for life, while Harry took charge of first-team affairs. A few days later Bill resigned, ending his 27-year association with the club.
Harry had seven seasons in charge at Upton Park and his start wasn't encouraging. West Ham failed to score in their opening three games and by the time they registered their first win – 1-0 against Aston Villa – they were 17th in the table. Harry was still agonising over the circumstances of Bill's exit, even though the club's managing director, Peter Storrie, insisted that Bill had resigned before they offered him the job of director of football and that at no point was he told that the board preferred Harry as first-team manager.
It was a long time before Bill went back to the club – then as a match summariser for a London radio station – but within weeks of his departure he was back in the claret and blue strip. My Sunday morning team-mates, who wore West Ham's cast-offs, were delighted when Bill agreed to make a few guest appearances on park pitches in places like Romford and Brentwood.
Another West Ham legend, Frank Lampard senior, Harry's brother-in-law, was installed as assistant manager. It would not be too long before young Frank Lampard was challenging for a first-team place. Young Frank was one of several outstanding graduates in the club's youth scheme. The progress made at youth level would prove critical in the coming seasons and earn the club millions of pounds in the transfer market.
Harry bought Tony Cottee back from Everton and he quickly re-established his scoring credentials. He finished as the season's top marksman with 15 goals, even though he was absent with injury at the end when points were critical. A 3-0 win over Liverpool and a 1-1 draw with Manchester United in the last game – again denying United the title – was enough to secure 14th place and keep West Ham in the Premiership. That had been the main aim for Harry and Frank at the start of the season.
Harry's reign at West Ham coincided with big changes in the game. Suddenly the new Premiership, financed by Sky TV, was the place to be. The big clubs were spending big money on foreign players, who all wanted a taste of life in the Premier League. Suddenly, interpreters became familiar figures in dressing rooms up and down the country. Spurs, among the biggest spenders, now had a Romanian, Ilie Dumitrescu, and a German, Jurgen Klinsmann, in their team taking instructions from an Argentine – Ossie Ardiles. I remember the Spurs manager saying at the time that transfer prices were 'stampeding'. His point was that fees didn't necessarily reflect the quality of the players coming into England. 'Abroad the price is a truer reflection of players' ability,' he insisted.
Flocks of overseas players came to the UK – Eric Cantona to Leeds United, Basile Boli to Rangers, Stefan Schwarz to Arsenal, Bryan Roy to Nottingham Forest, Jaime Moreno to Middlesbrough. It was a lucrative market and Harry made sure that West Ham weren't left at the starting gate. The changing rooms at Chadwell Heath and Upton Park were once citadels of cockney wit and rhyming slang, occasionally interrupted by a high-pitched Scot or a deep Suffolk burr. Now the dressing rooms were multi-lingual, as a stream of foreign players arrived from all over the world – Marc Rieper, Paulo Futre, Florin Raducioiu, Marc Keller, Hugo Porfirio, Eyal Berkovic, Samassi Abou to name just a few. Some represented value for money and among these I would place Paolo Di Canio, a £1.7 million buy from Sheffield Wednesday, and Slaven Bilic, a £1.6 million buy from Karlsruher.
Others, like the Dutch striker Marco Boogers, who cost £800,000 from Sparta Rotterdam, were not such good value. Poor Marco! He played only four games and during the second was sent off for a high tackle on Manchester United's Gary Neville. He returned to Holland claiming that he was suffering from stress. Harry needed a reliable goalscorer to take over from Tony Cottee but didn't really find one until he signed John Hartson from Arsenal for a club record £3.2 million. The previous season Cottee had finished as the club's top scorer with just 12 goals and it looked as though full-back Julian Dicks would finish as top marksman in 1996–97 until Harry signed Hartson, and Paul Kitson from Newcastle for £2.3 million, in February 1997. The timely arrival of Hartson and Kitson proved crucial and their goals helped West Ham avoid the drop by just two points.
Those two astute signings, combined with the emergence of youngsters like Rio Ferdinand and Frank Lampard, transformed the atmosphere around Upton Park. The optimism was fully justified. The following season West Ham finished eighth in the Premiership and reached the quarter-finals of the FA Cup and Coca-Cola Cup. In both competitions they were knocked out by an Arsenal side reforming impressively under new French manager Arsene Wenger.
Hartson repaid a big slice of his fee by finishing the season as top scorer with 24 first-team goals and Ferdinand demonstrated the value of a buoyant youth policy by capturing the Hammer of the Year vote. Sadly, Hartson, struggling with his weight, lost his way the following season and played just 17 Premiership games, scoring four goals. Ian Wright carried the scoring burden and although he finished as top marksman he scored only nine goals. It was, though, to be Harry's best season in the Premiership. West Ham finished fifth, the second highest position in the club's history, despite conceding more goals than they scored. And, encouragingly, Joe Cole was the latest to emerge from a youth team that had just won the FA Youth Cup. Those young players would provide the club with a fabulous financial return on their original investment.
In his first five years in charge Harry had turned over around £80 million in transfer fees, giving the club a profit of some £10 million. Even so, with a ground capacity limit of 26,000 imposed on the club, he knew he didn't have the spending power to attract the very best players and challenge consistently for a place in Europe. This year, at least, West Ham had the chance to experience European football after a gap of 18 years.
With the Premiership season kicking off early because of Euro 2000 the following summer, 1999 saw the shortest closed-season break in memory. On 17 July Harry's boys faced Jokerit of Finland in the Intertoto Cup, with the 17-year-old Joe Cole replacing Berkovic, who had been sold to Celtic for £7.75 million. West Ham won 1-0 and played three more Intertoto Cup ties before the Premiership season had even started. In mid-August, with Cole, Lampard and Ferdinand all involved, West Ham gave a magnificent performance in France, beating Metz 3-1 to secure a place in the UEFA Cup.
A 6-1 aggregate win over NK Osijek of Croatia in the first round of the UEFA Cup produced the kind of European tie West Ham last experienced when I was playing. Steaua Bucharest, European Cup winners in 1986 when they beat Terry Venables' Barcelona on penalties, were the opposition in round two. A fractious first leg, on a rain-swept autumn evening in Bucharest, was West Ham's 19th match of the season. The Danish referee, Claus Bo Larsen, suggested to Harry that he take off Paolo Di Canio before he sent him off. The Romanians won 2-0 and held West Ham to a goalless draw at Upton Park. The European dream was over.
Sadly, the domestic cups were no more fruitful. Aston Villa knocked West Ham out of the Worthington Cup in a replayed quarter-final – replayed because West Ham had given cup-tied Manny Omoyinmi a six-minute appearance as a substitute not realising that he was ineligible to play. There were no such technical problems in the FA Cup, just West Ham's traditional vulnerability when playing against teams from a lower division.
This time the team was John Aldridge's Tranmere Rovers from Division One. They won 1-0 and with West Ham's FA Cup exit came the first murmurings of dissent from Di Canio, who was substituted midway through the second half. Temperamental and unpredictable, Paolo was revered by the fans. He was a showman and they loved him for it. He finished the season as top marksman and, not surprisingly, was voted Hammer of the Year. He hit a 'wonder' goal against Wimbledon – the BBC's Goal of the Season – and was probably relieved to miss the next match, a 7-1 thumping by Manchester United at Old Trafford. It was a long, hard season and once again there was no silverware to show for it. But there were some consolations for Harry, particularly the emergence of Michael Carrick, the latest from the youth team conveyor belt to break into the senior side.
Publicly, Harry was saying that players like Carrick, Cole, Lampard and Ferdinand were the future of the club but, behind the scenes, the reality was different. The Bobby Moore and Centenary Stands had already cost £11.5 million and now the club were starting work on the new 15,000-capacity West Stand. How would that be financed?
Harry probably had a fair idea. His last season in charge started disastrously and probably set the tone for what was to follow. The first ten matches produced one win, four defeats and five draws, their worst start since relegation in 1992. When they lost 2-1 to Arsenal at Upton Park in mid-October they were 18th in the table, and there was increasing speculation in the newspapers about what the future held for some of the outstanding young players West Ham had produced.
Leeds United, for instance, had made no secret of the fact that they admired Rio Ferdinand and Frank Lampard. West Ham had resisted big-money offers from Leeds for Ferdinand but when they went to Elland Road in November few knew that it would be Rio's last game for the club. West Ham won the match but lost the player. Nigel Winterburn headed his first West Ham goal to secure a 1-0 win and Leeds splashed out a world record fee for a defender of £18 million to buy Rio.
The realities of football finance and an ever-increasing wage bill finally won the day. A fee of £18 million was too good to turn down. Harry was given some of the money to strengthen his squad and he bought Rigobert Song (£2.5 million), Titi Camara (£1.7 million), Christian Dailly (£1.75 million), Ragnvald Soma (£750,000) and Svetoslav Todorov (£500,000), and he took Sebastien Schemmel on loan from FC Metz. Some, of course, were only squad players. In all Harry used 35 players in the first team that season.
Was it necessary to have so many players? Some were beginning to wonder. There was a feeling that Harry and the club chairman, Terry Brown, were on a collision course. At least a 3-0 win over Southampton in the last home game of the season meant that West Ham could go into their final match, at Middlesbrough, with their Premiership status intact.
Before that game there was a break for the FA Cup final and, during that week, Harry drove from his home at Sandbanks in Dorset for a meeting with the chairman, believing that they would finalise a new four-year contract worth £1.6 million annually plus bonuses. A couple of hours later he learned that his seven-year reign as West Ham manager had come to an end. Only Harry and the chairman knew what was said in the heated debate that led to his departure.
John Barnwell, the chief executive of the League Managers' Association, said after speaking to Harry: 'You can assume that a Premiership manager with two years remaining on his contract is unlikely to have resigned.' I don't know what happened in that meeting, but if it is true that he didn't resign then either he was sacked or he left by mutual agreement. Steve Blowers' excellent book _Nearly Reached the Sky_ , a modern-day history of West Ham, claims that the chairman was upset by what Harry had said in an interview with a fanzine.
It also claims that nearly all observers agreed that the row between Redknapp and Brown was triggered by different perceptions of the 2001–02 transfer budgets. The book states that Harry bought 67 players for around £56 million and sold 66 for around £68 million. He was the game's most accomplished wheeler-dealer and when he left West Ham they had made a decent profit in the transfer market.
Harry was the longest-serving manager in the Premiership after Sir Alex Ferguson and felt that he deserved to earn what his players earned. He thought it wrong that a squad player, who only made an occasional first-team appearance, should earn more than the manager who signed him. Terry Brown acknowledged the debt the club owed Harry, who had spent 17 years at West Ham as player, coach and manager. 'He loved the club and signed some great players but merely spending money in the transfer market does not automatically guarantee success on the pitch,' he said.
I thought Harry did okay as manager of West Ham. The statistics are inconclusive. He had 325 first-team matches in charge. He won 121 and lost 122 with 401 goals scored and 413 conceded. It's not impressive but it was enough to keep West Ham in the Premiership, and that is what is so important in today's game. Frank Lampard senior departed with Harry, and Glenn Roeder, who had been appointed as reserve-team coach by Harry, took charge for the last match of 2000–01 – a 2-1 defeat at Middlesbrough.
It wasn't a good start for Glenn. Who'd be a football manager?
#### CHAPTER 14
#### THE BOSS: PART ONE
I WAS INVITED TO JOIN the board of directors at West Ham a couple of weeks after Glenn Roeder succeeded Harry Redknapp as manager. Harry left in May 2001 and after a month of intense speculation Glenn was given the top job. For many, his appointment was a surprise. Glenn was an accomplished coach and a popular figure at Chadwell Heath, but he had no experience of managing in the Premiership.
There were plenty who had, and they made it known that they were available in the days immediately after Harry's departure. Alan Curbishley, who had done a good job on a tight budget at Charlton Athletic, was probably considered favourite. He was well known to the locals because he had spent four or five years in and out of the West Ham first team in the seventies.
Other significant names emerged, such as Ruud Gullit, George Graham and Steve McClaren, who had been an impressive number two under Alex Ferguson at Manchester United. But Middlesbrough offered him the job vacated by Bryan Robson and he decided to take that. Even Stuart Pearce tossed his name into the ring. The enormously popular former England defender had just been voted Hammer of the Year but, approaching 40, he was talking about hanging up his boots. Like Roeder, though, he had no Premiership management experience and eventually decided to play for another season under Kevin Keegan at Manchester City.
Charlton were reluctant to release Curbishley who, in the end, withdrew from the race. With McClaren installed at Middlesbrough, West Ham decided to promote Glenn. He took over in June 2001. 'I feel a bit like Foinavon in the 1967 Grand National,' he said with a smile. 'I'm the only one left standing!' But a self-effacing personality hid an iron will and a prodigious work ethic.
He had been a footballing centre-back with Leyton Orient, QPR, Newcastle and Watford and spent three years managing at Vicarage Road. He'd also helped Glenn Hoddle coach the England team, so he knew his way around a training programme and was used to working with big-name players.
Glenn's first task was to appoint an assistant and he chose the former QPR, West Ham and Newcastle striker, Paul Goddard, as first-team coach. Ludo Miklosko became goalkeeping coach and long-serving former player Roger Cross was given responsibility for the reserves. All three coaches knew the West Ham way of doing things. Before I accepted the invitation from the board I asked if Glenn had been informed of the idea. They confirmed that they had asked him and that he'd said he would be very happy to talk to me regularly. On that basis I accepted the position. Once the appointment was made official I organised a meeting with Glenn. I wanted to satisfy myself that he was comfortable with my position on the board of directors. I didn't want him to think that I would be constantly hovering over him. I told him that I'd visit the training ground once a week and if there was anything he needed, or I could help with, he had only to ask. I would always give my opinion if asked, but I told him that I tended to wait to be asked.
Peter Storrie, the club's managing director who'd established a close working relationship with Harry, had also left the club and the chairman Terry Brown believed the board would benefit from a non-executive director who had a sound knowledge of football-related matters. Terry and most of the board felt that there had been difficulties discussing football matters with Harry. When questioned, I'm told, Harry's response was almost always the same: 'That's what I'm paid for and I expect you to accept what I say.'
One or two of Harry's transfer deals had been questioned by club directors and they felt they needed someone on board with football expertise. They wanted someone who could represent the boardroom view and discuss football issues with the manager on a firmer footing. They felt they had never been able to challenge Harry properly because they simply didn't have the knowledge. There had been issues related to transfers where they had been unable to communicate meaningfully with the manager. That would be my job in future.
Harry had helped re-establish the club's credentials in his seven years in charge and had nursed through a number of talented young players. But it had gone badly wrong in his last season, when many of the players signed with the Rio Ferdinand money were simply not of the quality required. Players like Titi Camara and Rigobert Song were not good enough for the Premiership, nor were Ragnvald Soma or Svetoslav Todorov. The best investment by far was the Scotland defender Christian Dailly, who cost £1.75 million from Blackburn Rovers in January 2001. He was Harry's last cash buy for West Ham. The crowd at Upton Park were slow to take to him, but the fact that he won 67 caps for Scotland and played 191 first-team games for West Ham in seven seasons says something about his quality.
Let's compare him and his record to that of Aboubacar 'Titi' Sidiki Camara, signed from Liverpool for £1.7 million in December 2000. A Guinea international striker, he announced on his arrival: 'I'm here to score goals!' He didn't. In three years he played a total of 14 games and scored no goals. Rigobert Song's contribution was better. A Cameroon international defender, he played 27 games in his two years with the club. He was Harry's first defensive signing following the loss of Rio and he cost £2.5 million from Liverpool in November 2000.
What you have to realise is that these players were among the top earners at the club. Camara's salary was more than £1 million a year. People used to ask: 'What happened to the rest of the Ferdinand money?' Well, much of it went on salaries. We had one of the highest wage bills in the Premiership at the time. The following season we paid out £30 million in players' salaries. That was a huge sum. There were others, such as Gary Charles and Scott Minto, who were earning fortunes but hardly playing.
Gary was a classy full-back who had played for East London Schools before Brian Clough's Nottingham Forest spotted him. He was the target when Tottenham's Paul Gascoigne famously tore his cruciate ligament with a reckless tackle in the 1991 FA Cup final. Gary spent three injury-troubled years with West Ham, playing a total of six first-team games, before accepting medical advice to retire. Harry had signed him from Benfica in 1999 and he had cost the club £4.4 million in transfer and salary payments.
When I had my first meeting with Glenn we looked through the first-team squad and agreed that we probably had ten players earning Premiership wages who were not in fact good enough to play in the Premiership. In a sense, Glenn was locked into that situation for at least two or three years until the contracts of those players ended. Even had he wanted to give them away he couldn't because no other club would be foolish enough to match the wages they received at West Ham. Most of the ten we identified were quite happy to sit tight and go through the motions in the reserves until their contracts ran out. That's just what they did until the end of 2002–03 when quite a few contracts expired. The strategy was to get some of the big earners off the wage bill. Then we felt we'd be in quite a strong position to strengthen the squad. That was the plan. It was wrecked by relegation and the fact that life in Division One was going to cost us £20 million a year in lost revenue.
Glenn's first games in charge confirmed his belief that playing reinforcements would be necessary. After five matches we were at the bottom of the table and out of the Worthington Cup, beaten on penalties by Reading. Frank Lampard's £11 million sale to Chelsea had created a void in midfield and there were constant stories about further imminent departures. Paolo Di Canio, for instance, was the subject of constant transfer speculation. Glenn was aware, too, that England debuts by Joe Cole and Michael Carrick in a 4-0 win over Mexico at Derby were already exciting interest among the club's big Premiership rivals.
Glenn signed Sebastien Schemmel, originally on loan, from Metz for £465,000. He then bought his former Watford team-mate David James from Aston Villa for £3.25 million. The England goalkeeper was immediately injured and had to wait until November for his West Ham debut. A further £10 million was spent on two more experienced players – Czech central defender Tomas Repka from Fiorentina and Don Hutchison, who returned to the club from Sunderland six years after becoming Harry Redknapp's first signing. Sadly, Don suffered a cruciate knee ligament injury in February that would keep him out of action for the best part of a year.
Repka and Schemmel, along with James, would become key elements in a West Ham defence that struggled, throughout the season, to find some confidence. On three occasions they conceded five goals – against Everton, Chelsea and Manchester United – and in October suffered their record Premiership defeat: 7-1 against Blackburn. There were rumblings of discontent from the fans even though they were turning up in ever greater numbers. In November the lower tier in the new West Stand was opened and for the first time since the Taylor Report attendance figures topped 32,000. Her Majesty the Queen, in her Golden Jubilee year, visited the East End in May and officially opened the West Stand. The stadium was now one of the best equipped in the country, but that didn't stop the first whispers of an eventual move to the proposed Olympic Stadium in Stratford.
By the time Di Canio and Fredi Kanoute scored to secure a 2-0 home win over Charlton Athletic in early April, West Ham had climbed to seventh and some were even speculating about a place in Europe. Defeats against Arsenal and Newcastle ended that dream but a 2-1 win over Bolton on the last day of the season ensured a seventh-place finish.
It had been a difficult baptism for Glenn. Many of his best players had been injured at some stage during the season. Christian Dailly was the only player not to miss a match. There were good signs, though. I'd seen enough of Glenn's coaching to know that his sessions were comprehensive and producing results. I remembered him as a cultured centre-back famous for his step-over. He always liked to play football from the back and knew the value of keeping possession. He was also a workaholic. His enthusiasm knew no bounds. He lived and breathed the game. I thought we had established a rapport quite easily. He invited me to come to the training ground whenever I wanted. In my own mind, I sometimes wondered how I would feel if I was in his position. I was very conscious of keeping a low profile. I didn't want to be intrusive or become a busybody.
I wasn't the sort of director of football most clubs have these days. I didn't work full time. The modern director of football is much more involved in the day-to-day running of the team. I received an honorarium. In real terms 'non-executive director' meant that I went to matches, to the training ground once a week to talk to the manager and to board meetings once a month. I was involved in most of the policy consultations and debates but not the everyday decisions taken by the executive.
I hadn't seen all of West Ham's matches because I was still contracted to do 40 games a season in the commentary box for BBC Radio Five Live. When West Ham asked me to join the board I had to check with the BBC to ensure there was no conflict of interest. As I was an official of West Ham FC, it was possible that another club might complain to the FA that I had made derogatory remarks about them or their players. That never happened. I tried to keep my comments fair and constructive. I knew my BBC commitments would mean that I missed some of West Ham's games but the club were quite happy about that.
In Glenn's first season the team's form at Upton Park had been excellent – just three defeats, a home record bettered only by Liverpool, who finished runners-up to Arsenal. Inexplicably, the home form in the new season, 2002–03, was dreadful, undermining the sense of optimism generated by the seventh-place finish the previous season. Such was the feel-good factor that the club had sold a record 20,000 season tickets but, after just a few weeks, the fans were beginning to show signs of serious impatience.
The season started woefully – a 4-0 defeat at Bobby Robson's Newcastle with Lomana LuaLua from Congo, who apparently supported West Ham as a kid, scoring the first two. Glenn spent six years at St James' Park and I suspect that this was a defeat that irritated him. The next game, at Upton Park, was against double-winners Arsenal, unbeaten in 23 matches – a run that stretched back to the previous December. Cole and Kanoute secured a two-goal lead before Thierry Henry pulled one back. But then Kanoute missed a 75th-minute penalty and Sylvain Wiltord snatched an equaliser two minutes from time. Later in a long, difficult season some fans would claim that Kanoute's missed penalty was the start of West Ham's decline. It was a 2-2 draw that day but we were brilliant at times and completely outplayed them. The fans were impressed with the quality of our play and, had you told them as they left the ground that we wouldn't win a home game for another five months, they'd have laughed at you. But that was how it was.
After six matches – four defeats and two draws – West Ham were bottom of the table. The first win came in the seventh match, when Paolo Di Canio scored an 84th-minute winner against Chelsea at Stamford Bridge. But at home? Nothing! We were losing home games to teams like Charlton, West Brom, Birmingham and Southampton. We were marooned at the bottom unable to win a match on our home turf. We were making elementary errors and passing the ball badly. People were blaming a lack of atmosphere in the newly refurbished stadium, but I think that was irrelevant. The fans were really restless when, late in January, Jermain Defoe came off the substitutes' bench to score an 89th-minute winner against Blackburn at Upton Park.
It lifted them off the bottom but the omens were not good. No team at the bottom on Christmas Day had escaped relegation and West Ham were bottom on 25 December. The injury situation was a critical factor in our relegation. Looking back you could trace our demise to the absence of the injured strikers Kanoute and Di Canio. One of the things I noticed was our inability to hold the ball at the front. This meant that our defence was always under pressure. We were so short of strikers at one point that Glenn asked defender Ian Pearce to play up front. A £1.6 million capture from Blackburn Rovers in 1997, Ian was a tough, versatile defender who had made a good recovery from a broken leg. He did a good job for us as a makeshift striker in difficult circumstances.
With hindsight it was a mistake not to have another experienced striker available. Once the season had started we couldn't bring one in after 31 August because FIFA introduced the new transfer restrictions in 2002–03. We had to wait until the January 'transfer window' and then Glenn tried to sign the experienced Tottenham striker Les Ferdinand. Nowadays, of course, clubs realise the value of having four or five quality strikers to cover for all eventualities during the course of the season. I'm sure the current West Ham manager, Sam Allardyce, following his experiences with the injured Andy Carroll in 2013–14, would agree with me.
Les Ferdinand was a good signing. The 36-year-old former QPR, Newcastle and England striker was in his sixth season at Tottenham and manager Glenn Hoddle was using him sparingly. Injury limited his first-team appearances but I knew he would make a good impression in the dressing room. He'd been linked with a move to West Ham on numerous occasions so it was no real surprise when he finally signed for £200,000 at the end of the January transfer window. We had hoped to complete the deal earlier in the month but Tottenham were reluctant to release him until they had signed a replacement.
The Upton Park crowd soon discovered why he had been dubbed 'Sir Les'. He was a class act on and off the pitch. He played in 14 of the last 15 Premiership matches of the season and made a huge difference. He held the ball up, supported the other strikers, Kanoute and Defoe, and took it upon himself to go back and help out when we were defending set pieces. He was a really good example to his team-mates in the dressing room at a time when we needed strong characters. He made his debut for us in a 4-2 defeat at Charlton, but a week later was in the side that beat Blackburn Rovers 2-1 on 29 January – the first home win of the season.
It was a result that lifted West Ham off the bottom of the table and briefly eased the pressure on Glenn. The crowd was getting on his back, but he never hid or complained. He invariably stood in front of the dugout throughout matches and always faced the media afterwards. He wasn't a natural delegator. He wanted to take responsibility for everything. He wouldn't hide from his critics. It's an admirable trait, but it meant that he was taking the weight of it all on his shoulders. I thought he was very dignified and stoical during a difficult time in his career.
In similar circumstances Harry would have been far more animated. He'd have a funny comment for most occasions. He could often turn a negative into a positive with an appropriate quip. I also think he found it much easier to build a rapport with the West Ham fans because he had played for the club. Glenn found it much tougher. Most fans realised that he wasn't the first choice for the job. Initially I don't think there was a big sense of expectancy on the terraces. I think the supporters were a bit surprised by the success Glenn had in finishing seventh in his first year. In a way, that set the standard for Glenn during a period of financial constraints at the club. With relegation becoming more of a reality week by week, the chairman Terry Brown told the fans that Glenn was 'manager at a time when we need to show financial caution and does not have the funds that have been made available to previous managers'.
Paolo Di Canio had returned from injury against Blackburn – and found the team much changed following his two-month absence. Apart from the introduction of 'Sir Les', Rufus Brevett, a free transfer from Fulham, was in the number three shirt. The number two shirt went to an 18-year-old who had been on loan at Millwall. Glen Johnson featured in 14 of the final 15 games of the season at right-back and, such was his precocious talent, he was an immediate hit with the fans. You can imagine how they felt a few months later when he was sold to Chelsea for £6 million after England manager Sven-Goran Eriksson had told the new Stamford Bridge owner Roman Abramovich that the two best young players in the country were at West Ham – Johnson and Joe Cole.
The newcomers certainly made West Ham harder to beat at a critical stage of the season. A 2-1 win over West Brom at the Hawthorns lifted us to 18th and was the start of a really impressive run of form. Of the ten matches that remained, we won five, drew four and lost just once, at Bolton. Sadly, Di Canio wasn't in the starting line-up for any of the final ten games. What no one knew at the time was that the West Brom match would be his last start for the club. After a couple of minutes of the second half at the Hawthorns, Glenn had decided to make a change. The number ten flashed up on the sub's board and Paolo was not happy to be taken off. In fact, he was very unhappy, jabbing Glenn in the chest as he left the field. The truth was that he had pulled up violently just before the break and, despite insisting that he was fit to continue, it was obvious that he wasn't. When Paolo flew home to Italy for specialist treatment, most people thought that we were unlikely to see him again that season.
Had he been fit he would have been invaluable at Bolton, in the thick of the relegation fight with us. Our form until then offered a bit of a lifeline and we felt that the last five matches would produce enough points for us to stay up – Bolton (A), Middlesbrough (H), Manchester City (A), Chelsea (H), Birmingham (A). We played at the Reebok Stadium on Easter Sunday in what was essentially a 'six-pointer'. Bolton won 1-0 with a 38th-minute goal from Jay-Jay Okocha, who ran from the halfway line and chipped the ball over David James. Ian Pearce was later sent off and there was a bit of a rumpus at the end involving Joe Cole and Rufus Brevett, who were later charged by the FA. With just four matches remaining West Ham were 18th, six points behind Bolton. If, instead of losing that match, West Ham had drawn, the final points total would have been 43. In that scenario Bolton, then managed by Sam Allardyce, would have had a total of 42 points and they would have been relegated.
The deeper truth, of course, is that West Ham's relegation could be traced back to the abysmal home form before Christmas and the club's inability to sign replacements for injured strikers because of the introduction of the transfer window. My opinion is that had we been able to sign Les Ferdinand earlier in January, rather than at the end of the month, we would have had a great chance of avoiding the drop. In the first half of January we drew at home to Newcastle and lost at Arsenal. With Les in the side I think we would have picked up more than one point from those two games.
Two days after the Bolton match we were at home to Middlesbrough, Trevor Sinclair providing the goal in a 1-0 victory. Sadly, West Ham remained pinned in 18th place. Beneath us, Sunderland and West Brom had been doomed for some time and, above, the other candidates for the third relegation spot, Aston Villa, Bolton, Leeds and Fulham, kept picking up enough points to remain ahead of West Ham.
The fans were still trooping out of Upton Park, mulling over the various permutations following the Middlesbrough win, when the issue of relegation suddenly became very academic for Glenn Roeder. He was sitting on the sofa in his office when he suddenly collapsed. Club doctor Ges Steinbergs treated him until an ambulance arrived to rush him to the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel. He was sedated for five days until brain specialists were able to confirm that he had a tumour that had caused the blockage of a blood vessel. I'd talked to Glenn immediately after the match and there was no suggestion that anything was wrong.
I left the ground about an hour after the end of the match and was driving home when I took a call on my mobile from the club's managing director, Paul Aldridge. He told me that Glenn had just collapsed and was on his way to hospital. No one knew the severity of his condition. It was Easter Monday and I'd just been talking to friends about the importance of the visit to Manchester City. Suddenly that didn't seem very important at all.
Paul called me again at home the next morning. Glenn, apparently, was sedated in hospital and his condition was critical. It seemed likely that he would need brain surgery. Paul said that there was no way he would be fit enough to work before the end of the season. He asked if we could meet the following day to discuss the options available to us. When we met, the initial suggestion was that we try to appoint an experienced coach just for the last three games. We eventually dismissed this because of the practical problems involved in finding someone at such short notice. The second option was to appoint Paul Goddard and Roger Cross, Glenn's two coaches, to take over. Both were accomplished coaches, but we spoke with one or two senior players who felt that neither would be strong enough for what would be a daunting climax to the season. I told Paul that I would be prepared to help the two coaches. Perhaps the players would be happier if there were three of us involved in the job.
We then wondered whether a couple of the senior players might be capable of doing the job. Those mentioned were David James, Steve Lomas and Les Ferdinand. Again, discreet enquiries among the players suggested that there would be too many arguments in the dressing room if we took this route. We met again the following day. We went through the options again. We were running out of fresh ideas. When Paul Aldridge suggested that I do the job for three games, there were not many alternatives left to explore. I said I'd do it as long as the players were happy with the decision. The next morning – 48 hours before we played City – I met the players. I spoke to a few of the senior lads – Steve Lomas, Les Ferdinand, Joe Cole, David James and Trevor Sinclair.
I explained that the board had suggested I take over in the short term. For it to be successful, I told them that I needed their support, and that anything they weren't happy with they should talk to me about. I also told them that there was one important decision I had to take and I needed their advice. Paolo Di Canio hadn't played since Glenn substituted him against West Brom. My feeling was that, if he was fit, we'd be better off with him than without him. In the back of my mind I knew it would be handy to have him on the bench in case we needed a goal, although I wasn't happy with some of the things he'd said and done. We would probably need to win three games to have any chance of staying up and he had the skill to score the goal that might just make the difference.
Paolo and Glenn hadn't got along all season. Paolo was hotheaded and temperamental. He had exchanged blows with previous managers such as Fabio Capello and Ron Atkinson. The ill feeling between him and Glenn had been festering for months and came to a head in the game with West Brom. Everyone thought he'd tweaked his hamstring. I didn't expect to see him come out for the second half. Glenn told me later that he was going to take him off at half time but Paolo insisted he was fit enough to play on. When he took him off Paolo started his usual histrionics, waving and shouting. When I walked into the dressing room after the match he was the first player I bumped into. I said to him quite innocently: 'How's the hamstring?'
'The hamstring! There's nothing wrong with it,' he barked. 'I had no problem. I shouldn't have been taken off.' We all thought he was injured – all, that is, except Paolo. The day after the match, when the players reported for a warm-down, Paolo rang to say he had a gastric bug and wouldn't be in. The players had the following day off, but Paolo came in. He worked in the gym. The day after that, all the lads reported, including Paolo. But he didn't feel right and he worked on his own in the gym again. The next day, a full training session in preparation for the match against Tottenham, he called in and said he wasn't feeling well. He said that he was going back to Italy to see a doctor he knew at a clinic in Bologna. He often went there when he was ill or injured.
He wanted his doctor to assess the progress of his knee and give him strengthening exercises that would occupy him while he was unwell and unable to train fully. The Monday after the Tottenham game, he called to say that he would be staying in Bologna for another week to do rehabilitation work. In the end he stayed there for three weeks. The club paid the bills. We still didn't know the extent of the hamstring injury or if indeed he had one at all. When he finally declared himself fit again, he still wasn't able to train on a regular basis because of a recurring gastric problem. He had the same problem when I took over from Glenn nearly two months later.
So, I didn't want to invite him back into the fold if his presence was going to upset the other lads in the dressing room. He had been injured for much of the season and hadn't played since his touchline tantrum in February. It was pretty clear that he would be leaving the club at the end of the season. What I had to decide was whether to bring him back for a salvage operation for the last three games, against Manchester City, Chelsea and Birmingham. The senior players I spoke to were not happy with some of the things he'd said and done but all felt that we were better off having him as an option on the subs' bench than not having him at all.
I called him at his house in Loughton, in Essex. We had a long chat. He went over some of the background, outlining the various reasons for his discontent. I didn't want to go over all that and I told him so. It was in the past. We had to think about the immediate future. I asked him about his fitness. I told him that I needed him for the last three games. He said his legs were still a little weak but he was willing to have a go for me. I was delighted and put the phone down feeling quite pleased with myself. Football management? Nothing to it!
I knew that as a player Paolo Di Canio was a class act. But he could be difficult to handle. For some managers he was a dream to work with but for others he was a nightmare. Certainly, many thought that Harry Redknapp had taken a massive gamble when he signed Paolo for £1.7 million from Sheffield Wednesday in January 1999 after he'd served an 11-match ban for his infamous push on referee Paul Alcock. But he responded brilliantly to Harry's management, finishing top scorer with 17 goals, one of which was the stunning volley against Wimbledon that won the BBC Goal of the Season competition.
The fans loved Paolo's style and his eccentricities but I'm not sure that Harry always shared their enthusiasm. Paolo's decision to catch Trevor Sinclair's cross rather than shoot, while Everton goalkeeper Paul Gerrard lay on the pitch injured, won him praise from FIFA president Sepp Blatter. But there was an argument that his sportsmanship had cost West Ham two points. 'It was unusual, wasn't it?' observed Harry, having had to settle for a 1-1 draw. Paolo made friends and influenced people at Lazio, Juventus, AC Milan and Celtic, and even now, in the autumn of his long career, he retained great technical ability and superb vision. In tight areas he could still demonstrate high-quality ball control and I thought that if we could get Fredi Kanoute, Les Ferdinand and Paolo Di Canio on the pitch at the same time we would have the kind of firepower needed to keep us in the Premiership. There had been only a couple of occasions, back in January, when Glenn had all three fit simultaneously.
I wanted Paolo to be fit and available. I knew he could provide that little something extra that is often the difference between winning and losing. He was one of the great strikers of his time and I'd put him up there with the all-time great West Ham goalscorers like Geoff Hurst, 'Pop' Robson and Tony Cottee. With Paolo you had an added bonus – he was a great entertainer and crowd-pleaser. But, sadly, he wasn't always fit. That was probably one of the reasons why Glenn Roeder didn't get the best out of him. Now that we really needed him he still wasn't 100 per cent fit. He trained but wasn't sure whether he'd be ready for the game against Manchester City on Sunday. In the end he didn't make it. He called and sounded genuinely disappointed. He said that he'd report for training the day after the City game and was fairly confident that he'd be able to give me 100 per cent for the final two matches.
I can't pretend that my first three days in the job were easy or straightforward. There was much I had to get a grip on and I had to do it quickly. Paolo's fitness was only one concern. I have to admit that I was quite anxious on the Friday as I prepared to talk to the players as a group. I'd been a player myself so I knew what they'd be thinking and saying to one another. They were quite happy to stand in front of you and give their opinion but that didn't mean they were saying the same thing behind your back. I had no reason to believe they were taking the mickey when I wasn't looking but, even so, I knew the result of the first match would be crucial in establishing a platform and giving me the credentials with which to work in the days ahead.
One of the first things I did when I was appointed was watch three videos of Manchester City. One film concentrated solely on their attacking players and showed how they had scored most of their recent goals. My old England pal Kevin Keegan was their manager. His team and tactics looked settled. When I got the players together I told them to be particularly aware of Shaun Wright-Phillips. He ran well with the ball. I identified him and Nicolas Anelka as the biggest dangers to us.
I decided to spend time on our set pieces. Our delivery from corners and free kicks had been shocking against Middlesbrough. I put on a session specifically to address this problem. I asked Rufus Brevett to try crossing the corner kicks with his left foot from the right side. All the lads laughed: 'Rufus! Oh, no!' He hit four and three were really good deliveries. He got the job. On the other side of the pitch we had Jermain Defoe. I'd seen Thierry Henry whipping them in to the near post for Arsenal and Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink doing the same for Chelsea. Jermain did just as well. Joe Cole had taken a lot of set pieces in the past and I didn't want to leave him out of the equation. So I asked him to take the near post and, at every other corner, run out to meet the kicker and play a one-two. I'd seen Shaun Wright-Phillips do the same thing for City.
Safe in mid-table, Manchester City had held us to a goalless draw at Upton Park in September. We flew up to Manchester 24 hours before the match. It was 20 years since I'd travelled as a player and most of the travelling in my time was done by train. I used to eat steak on match days but that's frowned upon now. I remember towards the end of my career being told that red meat was not good for me. I had to check what they wanted for their pre-match meal. It was all carbohydrates, white meat, fish and vegetables.
Sitting in the hotel in Manchester I watched the Saturday football shows on TV. My appointment was one of the main subjects for discussion. Rodney Marsh, the former QPR and England striker, said: 'I can't believe they've brought him in. Can you imagine how long his team talk will be? They should've looked for someone else. Anyone but Brooking!' Some were more supportive. The former West Ham striker Tony Cottee said: 'What more could they do with just three matches to play?'
It was really amusing listening to the opinions. I didn't take it too seriously. I had other things to worry about. Similarly, I stayed away from the telephone. I didn't really want to talk to people. I got a lot of text messages, from Billy Bonds and other friends. That meant a great deal to me. On the way to Maine Road I sat at the front of the bus – a new experience for me – convincing myself that I had picked the right team. The options were few. Fredi Kanoute was fit again but I decided to retain Les Ferdinand, who had played well in the Middlesbrough win, in an unchanged side. Fredi was on the bench. It was important that I got it right because this was the match that would set the tone for the other two games. A lot of people were doubtful about my appointment. I'd never done this sort of job before and I'd been out of the professional game for a long time. If we got beaten by three or four goals I knew it would be virtually impossible to rescue the situation in the final two games. It would create an air of depression around the club because people would realise that relegation was the only conclusion. A win would mean that we were still in with a shout and it would keep the dressing-room spirit bubbling. I think I was more nervous before this game than before the others. To be honest, I felt more anxious than I had ever felt as a player.
We didn't play well in the first half. City kept possession better than we did. Our midfield was passing poorly. We had chances but it was goalless at half time. A single point from a draw was no good. We had to win. At the interval I decided to start the second half with Fredi Kanoute and play with three strikers. I decided to take Edouard Cisse off. He was playing as a holding central midfield player. He hadn't done too badly in the first half, but if we were trying to win there was no point in taking off an attacking player. When I told him he was being substituted he took it really badly. He took his boots off and threw them across the dressing room. He then sauntered across to the showers and said to me: 'I hope you enjoy your brief time as manager.'
I laughed. I wasn't too bothered about who I upset. I had nothing to lose. We needed to win and I had to do what I thought was right in the circumstances. We started the second half impressively and then, as luck would have it, Les Ferdinand got carried off after 53 minutes. I was playing with three up and I'd suddenly lost one of my main three. I decided to push Joe Cole forward to support Kanoute and Defoe, and bring Don Hutchison off the bench and play him in midfield. He passed the ball really well for us and Joe looked good just behind the front two.
One goal decided it – and for us one goal was enough. With nine minutes remaining Defoe took a short corner to Cole who clipped it in to the near post. Hutchison got his toe to it. Peter Schmeichel, the City goalkeeper, parried the shot but couldn't hold it. He pushed the ball on to a post and Kanoute was there to knock it into the net. It wasn't a classic but it was satisfying to take three points. I was particularly pleased because the goal had originated from the short corner we had been working on in training. As the players left the field I made a point of shaking hands with all of them.
The last minutes were anxious for the new manager, who kept straying animatedly out of his technical area. There were six minutes of extra time and Kevin Keegan, the City manager, complained to the fourth official that I was encroaching in his technical area. 'This new fellow has no idea where he's supposed to be!' he grinned. We had a few moments together afterwards. He was generous in defeat.
It was a great start to my management reign. I spoke to the media and then had to find out what was happening to Les Ferdinand. He had been taken to hospital for X-rays. Happily, I was told that he would be taken from the hospital to join us at the airport for the flight back to London. The mood on the plane home was jubilant, even though we were aware that Bolton had recovered from 2-0 down to draw with Arsenal. I enjoyed the moment of triumph with a Coke, but remember thinking at the time about Glenn Roeder, who was in hospital fighting for his life. It was really his win because this was his team and he had mapped out the following weeks' training programme before falling ill. The players were unanimous afterwards in saying that they had wanted to win the match for Glenn.
The following morning the newspapers were full of our surprise win at Maine Road. One tabloid had a selection of photographs of me shouting, wincing, gesticulating, putting my head in my hands and jumping up with my fists in the air when Kanoute scored our goal. It was very gratifying but as all managers say: 'The only match that matters is the next one.' I was ready to focus on that game – the big London derby with Chelsea at Upton Park. We'd come from behind to beat them 3-2 at Stamford Bridge in September. It was our first win of the season and Claudio Ranieri's first defeat. Paolo Di Canio scored twice that day and I knew it would be a big plus for us if he was ready to face them again. Sadly, the news from the treatment room suggested that Les Ferdinand might not be available for selection, so I thought it would be really handy to have Paolo in the squad.
I'd been in enough relegation fights myself as a West Ham player to know what they were all thinking in the dressing room. It is a difficult time for players, and confidence – or lack of it – can be decisive. I sensed a change of mood among them after the City win. As the week progressed the players became more and more vocal, more opinionated and more optimistic about the challenges ahead.
That's what winning does for you. On the Monday, for instance, five of the senior men who had played against City were in the treatment room with injuries. At that point in the week three of them were doubtful – Steve Lomas, Joe Cole and Les Ferdinand. I suspected that by Thursday, maybe even by Wednesday, most of them would be available. Even Cisse, who had reacted petulantly when I'd taken him off, had the good grace to apologise to me.
They all wanted to be involved. Well, not quite all. Because of the injuries and uncertainties surrounding player availability I named a big squad for the Chelsea match. The list included the full-back Sebastien Schemmel, a French Under-21 international first spotted by Glenn Roeder when he was on a scouting trip for Harry Redknapp, who signed him on a loan deal from Metz in January 2001. When Harry left the club, Glenn signed him permanently. He'd done a good job as an overlapping full-back but had problems in his personal life, fell out with Glenn and on one occasion had to be escorted out of Upton Park by security staff.
When I took over Seb hadn't played for nearly five months and was obviously surprised to be in my squad. He came to see me. 'We have a problem,' he explained. 'As I haven't been playing I've decided to take my family to France on the ferry on Saturday. The season is over. I didn't expect to play again. We're all booked on the ferry.'
I said: 'What do you mean "booked on the ferry"? You are employed by us. This is still part of the football season, the most important part. We need you here with us. I've got a lot of injuries. I may have to move Glen Johnson to centre-half and play you at right-back.'
Not at all put off by my reply, he said: 'So, if everyone is okay can I go then?'
'No, everyone who doesn't play will train after the match. I expect to see you with the rest of the players. With the greatest respect, in nine days you can take a ferry anywhere in the world and stay there for seven weeks. But for now you stay here. We are fighting for our lives, trying to stay in the top division. You will be with the squad on match day and you will report for training on Monday. I hope that is clear.'
He delayed his trip home but he wasn't happy and didn't play for us again. I'd never come across such an attitude from a professional footballer before. In those few weeks at the end of that season I discovered just how much the attitude of players had changed since my playing days. When they're not in the team some don't even want to be on the subs' bench. Some of the overseas players felt, like Schemmel, that they should be allowed to go home for the weekend if they were not selected to play. They didn't want to play in the reserves, something that was unthinkable when I was playing. How can you win back your place in the first team if you don't perform well in the reserves? It was a different world to the one I'd inhabited as a player. The modern professional was rich, many of them millionaires. The car park at the training ground was full of big luxury saloons and four by fours. The day of the Cortina with a roof rack was long gone.
I found the atmosphere in the dressing room challenging – there were so many languages and different cultures for a start. In my day they were nearly all local lads, many had grown up together. There was a natural unity and a shared sense of identity and purpose. They wanted to play and win for the club and the fans. Twenty years later I discovered that some of the players in the dressing room at West Ham were simply professionals contracted for a period of time. That was how they viewed it. Others, I think, had a genuine affection for the club and wanted West Ham to succeed.
Fortunately, Schemmel was an exception. Most of the others were committed to the cause, even though the newspapers claimed it was a lost one. On the Tuesday of that week, Les said that he thought he would be fit enough to start. Paolo declared that he thought he could manage an hour against Chelsea. The mood in the dressing room was building nicely. Chelsea had been playing well and were fighting with Newcastle for third place.
But I sensed that the lads really believed they were going to beat Ranieri's team of multi-national stars including Zola, Gallas, Petit, Hasselbaink, Desailly and, of course, young Frank Lampard. The confidence level would not have been anything like as high had we lost at Maine Road.
Much as I suspected would be the case, they were all available for selection. When we had our team talk I told them that I had experienced relegation and knew how they were thinking. I told them that if they finished the match each believing they'd done all they could, there wasn't much more that could be asked of them. If enough of them felt the same way at the final whistle then I believed we'd get out of trouble and retain our place in the Premiership. I was always honest with them. I always made sure they knew whether they were playing or not. They might not agree with the decision but I thought it was important to be straight with them. No one doubted the talent within the team. The secret was getting them – all of them – to play to their full potential.
I felt that we were going to beat Chelsea. I had felt that all week. Perhaps the players sensed my optimism. We started with Ferdinand, Kanoute and Defoe at the front. I was so pleased that Les was fit. He was a massive influence on and off the pitch. I'd heard good reports about him but you can never be sure about a player until you see them and work with them yourself. Apart from his attacking qualities, he was also one of our best defenders and was a really good influence on youngsters like Jermain.
We had a full house of 35,042 for my first Upton Park match as manager. The crowd had always been good to me and it was no different now. I wanted us to play with a bit of style but it was so much more important just to get the three points. Ten minutes into the second half the game was deadlocked at 0-0. I decided to send on Paolo Di Canio. It would be his final appearance at Upton Park after five seasons with the club. The crowd roared their approval as he started warming up. Chelsea were defending furiously and at times couldn't get out of their own half. This was because our attack had them pinned back. It occurred to me that, had we not had so much bad luck with injuries to attacking players, we may have been able to play this way earlier in the season.
We had all the possession but we needed a goal – and quickly. That's why I sent on Paolo. Les's fitness was starting to fade – a legacy of the previous week's injury – and, sure enough, in a moment of pure theatre, Paolo pulled down the curtain on his West Ham career with the 70th-minute winner. It was a wonderful moment and remains one of my greatest memories. Upton Park was absolutely rocking and for me the tension and drama made the occasion unforgettable. I particularly remember the reaction of the Chelsea manager in the minutes after the match. Claudio Ranieri said 'Well done' when we shook hands at the final whistle, and a few minutes later I saw him again as we prepared for our TV interviews. We shook hands once more and he complimented my team, commenting on how well we had played. I think his disappointment at losing was eased a little because he'd heard that Manchester City had won at Liverpool, which meant that Chelsea's final game, against Liverpool at Stamford Bridge, would determine who finished fourth. Such was his good grace in defeat that I was really pleased for him a week later when Chelsea beat Liverpool to clinch fourth spot. We, of course, had our own worries about the final day. But for the moment our dressing-room mood was one of triumph and jubilation. It soon became apparent, though, that a win against Birmingham City in our last game might not be enough.
The euphoria wore off in stages. First we heard that Aston Villa and Fulham had both won. Then we watched the 5.30 kick-off on TV that evening between Southampton and Bolton. That finished goalless which meant Bolton controlled their own destiny in the relegation battle. Twenty-four hours later, on the Sunday afternoon, Leeds were the most unlikely victors at Highbury, beating second-placed Arsenal 3-2. Those three points lifted Leeds to safety.
So, after two wonderful results against Manchester City and Chelsea, we were still in deep trouble. Now, though, only Bolton and West Ham were contenders for the third relegation spot. West Brom and Sunderland were already relegated and everyone else, apart from West Ham and Bolton, was safe. If Bolton beat Middlesbrough at home in their final match they would stay up and we would be relegated regardless of our result against Birmingham.
I tried to be positive and confident during that last week of training but our fate was no longer in our hands. Middlesbrough had a poor away record and it was obvious to everyone that Bolton were clear favourites to stay up. I tried to cut away all my other commitments and focus on the job in hand. I avoided talking to the newspapers but I became aware that people were getting a slightly different view of me from the TV. Instead of sitting calmly in a studio, as I had done for years, the football viewing public now saw an animated Brooking making his feelings known in the dugout. I wasn't conscious of it until people started to point it out.
The public were fantastic to me. Everyone was wishing us well in our fight against relegation. Even fans from other clubs would come up to me and say that they hoped West Ham avoided the drop. I wondered whether I should speak to Glenn but decided against it. I sent him my best wishes. Thankfully, he was making progress. The only person at the club with access to him was the managing director Paul Aldridge. On the Friday, the day before we travelled to Birmingham for the final game, the media was crawling all over our Chadwell Heath training ground. We smuggled Glenn's wife Faith into the ground to talk to Joe Cole, the team captain. She said that Glenn was insistent that she wished the lads all the best against Birmingham. It was good of her in the circumstances to find the time to visit us. The players appreciated it.
The win against Chelsea had taken us to 41 points. This was, in fact, one point better than Glenn Roeder's pre-season safety target. That gives some idea how close the fight for survival was that year, and I impressed upon the players that while there remained a chance of survival we should make the most of it. For the final game of the season I selected the team that had beaten Chelsea 1-0. All the planning, though, quickly looked irrelevant because within 20 minutes of the kick-off Bolton were leading Middlesbrough 2-0. We played well at Birmingham and should have won but were trailing until Di Canio came off the bench to score in the 89th minute – his 50th and last goal for the club. His goal gave us a 2-2 draw and 42 points, a record number for a relegated team. Even had we won and finished with 44 points, the same as Bolton, we would still have been relegated on goal difference.
It was a sad time but I was proud of the players. They had fought until the last whistle of the last match and got as close as was realistically possible. I thought their fighting spirit in difficult circumstances was wonderful and, relegation or not, I was sure that Glenn Roeder would have been proud of them, too. As far as management was concerned, that was it for me. I'd done my best and although we had failed to beat the drop we were unbeaten in my three games in charge. I received a text message from my BBC colleague Gary Lineker. It read: 'Quit while you're still a genius!'
The West Ham chairman thanked me for my contribution and explained what relegation would mean to the club. Financially we would lose at least £20 million and that meant reducing the wage bill while still retaining a staff big enough to cope with 46 Nationwide fixtures as opposed to the 38 in the Premiership. I was happy to be standing down and happier still that Glenn was making good progress. Those in the know thought he would be back in action for the start of the new season.
#### CHAPTER 15
#### THE BOSS: PART TWO
I HAD MY CHANCE TO GO into football management when West Ham sacked John Lyall. I turned it down and I've never regretted the decision. My brief appointment at the end of 2002–03 was just that – brief. I never intended it to be anything else. I was happy to help out while Glenn Roeder was ill and I enjoyed my three games in charge, but at the end of the season I wanted nothing other than to resume a 'normal' life.
Had I wanted to join the management ranks on a permanent basis I would have explored what West Ham proposed during the long hot summer of 1989. John had just been sacked following relegation. I had been out of the professional game for five years. Martin Cearns, a club director and son of the chairman Len, asked to see me. He would soon succeed his father as chairman, further strengthening the Cearns family's association with West Ham. J.W.Y. Cearns was a founder of the club and a director who served, apart from a three-year break, from 1900 until his death in 1934.
Martin Cearns told me that the directors were thinking of looking outside the club for a manager. But during the conversation he asked me: 'Have you ever considered doing this kind of thing yourself?' I replied: 'No, not really.' For me and my family it would have been a big upheaval; the children were settled at school and I was making a good living from outside the game. 'Just supposing I was interested,' I said, 'what kind of salary were you likely to offer?' As I recall, Martin said it would be around £100,000 a year. The fact was, I was earning more at the time from my other interests, so I said that I couldn't really consider it.
In the years after I retired from playing a number of people encouraged me to have a go at management. This confidence on their part was touching and usually based on the fact that they had heard me on the radio and assumed I knew a bit about it! There was, however, another school of thought that I came across from time to time. This basically assumed that I wasn't tough enough to be a football manager and make hard decisions. I understood why people thought this but I knew it wouldn't be an issue should I ever take the plunge into management. I can be forthright and decisive when I need to be and years later, as chairman of Sport England, I think I surprised some important people by demonstrating this side of my nature on several occasions. I've never been the shouting or abusive type, although there were times during my Sunday morning football career when I verbally assaulted lazy team-mates in the dressing room!
Perhaps Martin Cearns, who was then a Barclays Bank manager, genuinely believed that I had the qualities needed to be a successful manager of West Ham. As it turned out, he was chairman for only two years but remained on the board until 2006 when he resigned, selling his shares in the club to the Icelandic billionaire Bjorgolfur Gudmundsson for more than £7 million.
Once Martin had established that I had no real interest in the job, he asked if there was another candidate I could recommend. The man I proposed was Gerry Francis, who I knew from the days when we were both in the England squad. He had been a talented, diligent midfield player, a former England captain under Don Revie. I thought he was at least as good as all the other names that had been mentioned. He was the manager of Bristol Rovers at the time and, of course, went on to be manager of Queens Park Rangers and Tottenham.
In the end the board appointed from outside, as Martin had suggested they would. John Lyall's successor, Swindon manager Lou Macari, had no previous association with West Ham. His reign was short-lived and was followed by a return to the traditional method of appointing managers who had a connection with the club. Billy Bonds and Harry Redknapp had both been West Ham players and, although he hadn't played for the club, Glenn Roeder was already on the coaching staff when he was promoted to replace Harry.
Happily, Glenn made a full recovery from brain surgery and was back in the hot seat preparing the players for the new season. I had resumed my previous role as non-executive director and was determined to give Glenn all the support he needed. For him, the priority was to win back West Ham's Premiership status at the first attempt. I knew that would not be an easy task. I had tasted relegation as a West Ham player back in 1977–78. It took us three years to regain our place among the elite of the game. I was at the height of my England career when we were relegated. The newspapers were full of speculation about me leaving because Second Division football would jeopardise my England place. I remember going to see John Lyall in his office at Upton Park.
I told him that I wanted to stay at West Ham and help the team win back their First Division status. I told him that I didn't want to leave but if they had to sell me for financial reasons I'd understand. John didn't have to sell anyone as a result of relegation. He started the first season in Division Two with basically the same side that had been relegated a few months earlier. What's more, the club provided funds to strengthen the squad and, during the period we were in Division Two, he paid a world record fee for a goalkeeper for Phil Parkes from QPR and made three other big-money signings – Ray Stewart, Paul Goddard and Stuart Pearson. I think such a response to relegation would be simply impossible in the modern game. In West Ham's case, for instance, in the summer of 2003 the first task was to cut the wage bill. Relegation was going to cost the club millions in revenue.
I think a total of 19 players left, including most of the big earners such as Joe Cole, Glen Johnson, Lee Bowyer, Edouard Cisse, Sebastien Schemmel, Paolo Di Canio, Les Ferdinand, Frederic Kanoute and Trevor Sinclair. One who didn't leave – at least not immediately – was Jermain Defoe. Within days of relegation he had handed in a transfer request, but it was not a good decision and I told him so. I said the crowd would be on his back and they were as soon as the new season started. His request for a move was initially rejected but everyone realised that he would be back in the Premiership sooner rather than later. He was only 21 and we knew he was a real talent when we signed him from Charlton Athletic in controversial circumstances.
He was one of the few big names left when Glenn named his team for the opening First Division game against Preston at Deepdale. Although Jermain scored in our 2-1 win I suspected his heart wasn't really in it. Sent off against Gillingham in September, West Brom in November and Walsall in December, we realised he would face a long suspension if he was dismissed for a fourth time. As it was, I think he missed seven games that season because of suspensions. We eventually decided to agree to his transfer request and accepted a Tottenham offer for him of £6.7 million plus Bobby Zamora in the January transfer window.
In many ways that period was a deeply depressing and hugely frustrating time for West Ham. It was as difficult a time as I could remember. Clubs like West Ham were locked into player contracts that reflected how wages had increased since Sky TV began bankrolling the Premiership. When I was a player, most professionals had a one-year contract with a one-year option, or a two-and-two, but in the modern game they are looking at far longer contracts. That backfires if after three months you discover the player is not as good as you first thought. In the early days of the Premiership, if you had a player who wasn't quite doing it, you could move him on to a Nationwide club. It's not so easy now because there's a vast salary difference.
All the Premiership clubs have a list of players they consider not good enough. But it's hard to move them on because of the wage structure, which is why some Premiership clubs pay half of a player's salary while they play for another club in a lower division. We were asked to pay half of Sebastien Schemmel's wages. We wanted him off the wage bill and he told us that Metz wanted to re-sign him. Good news, we thought, until he told us that they wouldn't pay what he wanted as a salary. They would pay only half of what he was getting with us. He asked us if we would pay the other half. We said, ' _Non!_ '
In 2003–04 we tried to persuade some of the bigger clubs to loan players. For many young players at the big clubs making the transition from reserve to first team is almost impossible. Young players need regular first-team football to develop properly and clubs of Champions League status can't allow their young players to develop in the first team. That's where the loan system can help. We, for instance, took a young striker, Neil Mellor, from Liverpool. He wasn't getting a regular game at Liverpool and he came to us because we gave him a chance to impress and make a name for himself. He benefits, we benefit and, in the long term, Liverpool should also benefit.
Neil was just 21 when he joined us on loan. A sturdily built Yorkshireman, he was a centre-forward in the Geoff Hurst mould. We considered it something of a coup. Delighted to be back in the thick of things, Glenn was so pleased with the signing that he ignored David Connolly and put the untried Mellor in the team for the opening game against Preston.
Connolly, a prickly Republic of Ireland international striker signed for a bargain £285,000 from Wimbledon, was seriously upset that Glenn had favoured Mellor, who met his new team-mates for the first time the night before the game. As it turned out, Connolly came off the substitutes' bench to replace Mellor and score the winning goal against Preston. He went on to score 14 goals in 48 appearances for West Ham. Neil Mellor scored just twice in 21 games before he was injured and returned to Liverpool.
Connolly scored two goals four days later in a Carling Cup win over Rushden and Diamonds and was picked ahead of Mellor for the first home game of the season – a lifeless 0-0 draw with Sheffield United. A 28,972 crowd turned up for the match and once again chants of 'Sack the Board!' resounded around the stadium. The chairman took two pages of the match programme to explain the background to the summer exodus of players. Administration had been a real prospect until the club began to implement cost-cutting measures. With income reduced by around £20 million, the club also needed to repay £8 million in loans, which meant a total of £28 million had to be recouped in savings and transfers. The wage bill had been cut by £10 million and £18 million had been received from the sale of players. It was an honest explanation of the club's financial situation and demonstrated just how damaging relegation had become for Premiership clubs in the modern era. In the past, relegation was nowhere near as financially damaging as it is now. When West Ham were relegated in 1977–78 there was no exodus of players. I could have left, along with Billy Bonds, Frank Lampard and Alan Devonshire. I stayed and bounced back with the team, as did the others. We made up our own minds. The club didn't need to sell its best players and we, the players, didn't have agents urging us to move on.
I realised just how influential agents had become during my spell as manager. Most of them tell their clients that progress on the international front is dependent on playing in the Champions League. Agents were quick to point out to their players that the England manager, Sven-Goran Eriksson, selected the bulk of his team from the clubs playing in the Champions League. Joe Cole, for instance, had never wavered on the issue. He was convinced that he hadn't been picked for England because he wasn't playing in the Champions League. He felt that he had to learn to play in Europe. Agents tell clubs today that they have mapped out the careers of their clients to include Champions League football.
I was reminded of what we'd lost on the playing front when I watched England play Croatia at Ipswich early that season, 2003–04. Our goalkeeper David James kept a clean sheet during his 45 minutes of action and four former Hammers all played some part in a 3-1 win – Rio Ferdinand, Joe Cole, Trevor Sinclair and Frank Lampard junior. A couple of months later Glen Johnson and Jermain Defoe won their first England caps, too. Throw Michael Carrick into the mix – he, of course, joined Defoe and Kanoute at Spurs in 2004 – and you get some idea of the calibre of player West Ham produced at that time.
At least, for the time being, we still had James, Carrick and Defoe. All three featured when we went to Rotherham in August for a match that had a lot more significance than a row over the Millmoor dressing rooms. I missed the game because I was still contracted to Radio Five and was due to work at Chelsea that afternoon. In the week before the match Glenn had mentioned to me that when we'd played at Preston their manager Craig Brown had told him that the changing facilities at Rotherham were cramped. He suggested that we allow our players to change into their kit at the hotel and avoid a crush in the dressing room. It sounded sensible to me.
On the day of the game, I was at Stamford Bridge, BBC headphones on, waiting for Chelsea–Leicester City to kick off. I was listening to all the pre-match chatter from around the grounds. Suddenly I heard a Yorkshire voice suggesting there was a bit of ill feeling towards West Ham that afternoon because their players had arrived at Millmoor, turned their noses up at the dressing-room facilities and returned to the hotel to get changed. What in fact had happened is that they'd arrived in their tracksuits with their playing kit underneath. But there was clearly a feeling among the locals that West Ham were acting like big-time Charlies, demeaning the facilities on offer. That simply wasn't the case. As it turned out Rotherham won the match 1-0 and West Ham played badly, encouraging the local media to speculate that our snubbing of their facilities had wound up the players in the Rotherham dressing room and fuelled resentment among the crowd.
I know Glenn wasn't at all happy with our performance that day. What he didn't know was that the Rotherham defeat would be his last match as West Ham manager. That night the managing director Paul Aldridge called me at home and said that the chairman Terry Brown and some of the directors were appalled at the level of West Ham's performance at Rotherham and were seriously concerned that we were going to make a poor start to the season. They considered it essential that we made a sound start to our bid to return to the Premiership at the first attempt. He said that the fans were already complaining and the general feeling among board members was that it would be disastrous to lose ground in the promotion race early in the season.
All this, of course, was absolutely true, but we had played only three league games – a win, a draw and a defeat. It was really early in the race to make judgements, but it was clear to me that the mood among the directors was swinging towards a change of manager. I was surprised. I urged Paul to impress upon the others the perils of a knee-jerk reaction. Given that we were just three games into the season, I thought it was a bit soon to be making that kind of decision. I recommended to Paul: 'Tell the chairman to sleep on it.'
He did. But it changed nothing. The next morning Paul called again. 'The chairman is of the same opinion,' he said. This time Paul asked me if I would be prepared to take charge again if Glenn Roeder was sacked. I was staggered by the speed of it all. And this time, of course, the circumstances were completely different. I stepped into the breach last time because Glenn was ill. This time they wanted to sack him and install me in his place.
It was a difficult decision for me but I had the impression that no matter what I decided, it would not influence Glenn's position. They thought it was time for a change. And they wanted to do it immediately. There was some logic to the timing, according to Paul. The next two games – Bradford (H) and Ipswich (A) – were in the space of four days, followed by a fortnight's break to accommodate international fixtures. England were due to play Macedonia and Liechtenstein in Euro qualifiers.
Paul stressed that the board were hopeful of conducting a search and naming a long-term successor to Glenn at some stage in that fortnight. If I agreed to take it on, it was not going to be a long commitment. At least, that's what Paul said. That day, a Sunday, a couple of hours after they had talked to me, Paul and the chairman went to see Glenn and told him that they wanted to bring in a new manager. By this time I was at a friend's Bar Mitzvah in London, unsure of the sequence of events until another guest came up to me and said: 'I've just heard on TV that West Ham have sacked the manager.'
Many people asked me in the years that followed whether it was the right decision to replace Glenn, who had worked tirelessly to make a success of his first really big job in management. I remember saying to several people at the start of that season that the seriousness of his illness dominated all other considerations. At no time did Glenn play the sympathy card but there is no doubt in my mind that no one on the West Ham board would have been comfortable had they sacked him immediately after relegation. There was a genuine desire to give him a second chance, but I must say that had it not been for his illness I suspect the board would probably have voted for a change of manager at the end of the relegation season. As it turned out, it was soon clear as a new season dawned that the patience of the club's fans was not going to last long if we made an indifferent start. We needed to start well to dispel any doubts about our ability to bounce back at the first attempt.
I agreed to take over for the games against Bradford and Ipswich, fully believing that a new manager would be installed at Upton Park during that international fortnight. My first task was to help the board sift through the potential candidates. As the director with football experience, I was going to have a big input. I knew that we were unlikely to tempt a big-name Premiership manager.
There were some high-profile names out of work, men like George Graham, but I felt that we would be better off looking for a manager who knew his way round the First Division. Our priority, after all, was to win promotion. Did we go for someone with a West Ham link, such as Stuart Pearce or Iain Dowie? Did we look for an established manager with a proven record or a young, ambitious, up-and-coming coach?
There was another suggestion: that I should do the job for a season and bring in a young coach to work alongside me. The idea was that I would groom him for the job, but I didn't really want that commitment for a year. However we packaged it for public consumption, the truth was that I would have been responsible for the success or failure of the season. It was not what I wanted.
The consensus was that we needed someone who knew the division, but also had the ability to survive in the Premiership if we were to win promotion. Among the coaches we talked about were Steve Coppell, Paul Hart, Gary Megson, Nigel Worthington and Alan Pardew. There were other names in the mix. The bookies made me 5-4 favourite for the job. Paul Goddard was 5-2, Iain Dowie 6-1, Steve Cotterill 10-1 and Joe Kinnear 12-1. Pardew and Coppell had proven records in Division One. Dowie had done well with Oldham.
We were impressed with Pardew's record. He'd got Reading into the play-offs with a lot of free-transfer players and I had him at the top of my short list of three. I liked his manner. He was confident, ambitious and said all the right things. He had a positive, logical approach to the job. He knew what he wanted to do. We both recognised that the playing squad needed an overhaul and we knew that the earlier we started doing it the better.
A window fitter by trade, Alan had played at a good amateur level for clubs like Dulwich Hamlet and Corinthian Casuals before the Crystal Palace manager, Steve Coppell, gave him a chance as a 25-year-old. He played for Palace in the 1990 FA Cup final before moving on a free transfer to Charlton Athletic and, finally, Barnet. He had a spell as reserve-team coach at Reading before they offered him the manager's job in 1999.
Getting him to Upton Park was not going to be easy. It was a sensitive subject because Reading were clearly not happy to learn of our interest in their manager. We approached the club officially and asked for permission to speak to him. They refused. We were careful to say nothing publicly but Reading, inexplicably, put the news of our approach on their website. I was travelling with the BBC team to England's European Championship qualifier against Macedonia in Skopje in September when a reporter told me: 'My office say you're trying to get Alan Pardew.'
I can only assume that they decided to make this public because of the outcry that followed Mark McGhee's move from Reading to Leicester in 1994. The club chairman, John Madejski, was criticised by fans for not fighting harder to keep McGhee and I think this time he wanted them to know that he wasn't about to lose another manager without a fight.
We weren't happy that our request for permission to speak to Alan was now in the public domain. It wasn't in our interest to release this information. If we didn't get Alan Pardew it meant that the next in line would know that he wasn't first choice. Once the news was out, Alan said to Reading: 'Well, at least let me speak to West Ham.' Madejski said no. It was clear that he was digging in his heels. What complicated matters was the fact that West Ham's first match, once the two international fixtures were out of the way, was against, yes, Reading.
My first two games as caretaker boss had gone well – a 1-0 win over Bradford at Upton Park and a 2-1 win at Ipswich, where heroics by David James in the final minutes secured us the three points. Two games, two wins, that's where my role as interim manager should have ended. But our attempt to sign Alan Pardew was becoming more protracted. A second official approach was turned down and at that point Alan handed in his resignation.
That, too, was rejected. The Reading chairman explained: 'I believe the manager should honour his contract. While we would allow him to talk to a Premiership club, we certainly won't give him permission to talk to one of our main First Division rivals.'
Alan responded by walking out on Reading just a couple of days before they were due to play at Upton Park. Reading asked Alan's assistant, Kevin Dillon, to take charge of the team for the West Ham game. When he took his place in the Reading dugout that afternoon I was back in the West Ham dugout. Alan had decided that his best course of action was to stay away. He missed a good game. Five minutes after hitting a post, Defoe sent over a corner which Christian Dailly headed in to give me a third consecutive win.
I wondered what would happen next. It was a difficult situation for all concerned. Alan knew that we considered him the right man for the job and, in those circumstances, we could hardly turn our back on him once he'd quit his job at Reading. I was hoping that it would be settled amicably and as soon as possible. That didn't look likely when Mr Madejski decided to go to the High Court to seek an injunction for breach of contract. We had offered compensation for their loss of Alan Pardew, but the Reading chairman thought there was a point of principle at stake.
Three days after beating Reading I was back in the front seat of the team bus for the trip to Crewe. We beat them 3-0 to move into second place in the table. Fans were beginning to make complimentary noises on the radio phone-ins and some would come up to me at matches and urge me to take the job on a permanent basis. I remember saying to the media after the Crewe match: 'I do hope I'm not still talking to the press like this next April.' One or two of my supporters might have had a rethink after our match at Gillingham, where we lost 2-0 and had Jermain sent off. Had it not been for Jermain's dismissal at the Priestfield Stadium I would probably have completed my brief reign in the West Ham hot seat without losing a match. He was playing well and scoring goals, but had not withdrawn his transfer request. He'd made it quite clear that he wanted to leave.
He'd never been difficult or temperamental on or off the pitch but on this particular occasion in Gillingham it seemed to me that he allowed his frustration to get the better of him. It was a really hot day that had started badly for us when Neil Mellor was forced to withdraw from the line-up just before kick-off with a stomach upset. The first half was evenly balanced, though Jermain made a big fuss to the referee and linesman when he got clattered in front of the dugout. I was on the bench in my shirt sleeves with Paul Goddard and Roger Cross and we all urged him to cool down.
A few minutes later he got clattered again and once more berated the same linesman. On the bench we all felt that he was going to end up in the referee's notebook if he wasn't careful. As if to reinforce this, the next time the linesman came near the dugout he shouted: 'Trevor! Trevor! You've got to have a word. He's badmouthing me.' By this time we were already a goal down. Tomas Repka, an uncompromising Czech full-back who had little natural rapport with referees, had fouled Danny Spiller about 30 yards from goal. The referee awarded the free kick but Tomas disputed the decision and was booked.
This just happened to be the season when referees in Division One were trialling a new refinement to the Laws of the Game. If a player disputed the referee's award of a free kick, the kick was to be advanced by ten yards. The referee in this case, Paul Armstrong, moved the free kick forward the statutory ten yards. The ball was now positioned on the edge of our penalty area. Marlon King, the much-travelled Jamaica striker, curled his free kick wide of our defensive wall and past David James into the back of the net. We could still have salvaged a draw until 12 minutes from time when Jermain was fouled again. He jumped up, swearing and cursing, and took a couple of steps towards the same linesman. 'Jay's in trouble this time,' I muttered to the others on the bench. Sure enough, the linesman's flag went up, the referee came over for a consultation and then flourished the red card. So we were a goal down and a man down.
It was a bad day and it got worse when another Jamaica striker, who had played for England's Under-21 side when he was with Leicester City, scored Gillingham's second goal. Trevor Benjamin was one of those old-style journeyman footballers who played for a total of 16 different Football League clubs before slipping down into the non-League game.
It was Jermain's first sending-off and, to me, was an indication that he was getting frustrated playing for West Ham in Division One. I was disappointed with him at the time but just eight weeks later I was chuckling when I recalled his role in my only defeat as West Ham manager. When I went to the Football Association offices in Soho Square to discuss my new job I was taken around the various departments. When I walked into the referees' department the first person I met was the linesman who Jermain had confronted at Gillingham. I couldn't believe it. I hadn't realised that Mark Ives was not only a linesman but also the disciplinary manager in the FA's Governance Division. He said: 'I didn't think you'd remember me.'
'How could I forget?' I said. We laughed about it, and still do. Mark played amateur football in the old Isthmian League, spent 27 years refereeing and was on the National List of Assistant Referees for nine years. He knows a bit about it!
Three days after the Gillingham defeat I was beginning to wonder whether I was losing my touch. We faced Cardiff at Ninian Park in the second round of the Carling Cup and within 25 minutes had conceded two goals to their Wales striker Robert Earnshaw. Defoe shot us back into contention from the penalty spot in the 45th minute and completed his hat-trick with a cracking left-footer from 20 yards two minutes from time. The reward was a third-round date with Tottenham at White Hart Lane at the end of October and I was hoping that my caretaker role would have finished by then.
Happily, the club were making progress on the Alan Pardew front. He had been given 'gardening leave' while the two clubs tried to reach some sort of compromise. In the end agreement was reached and the case was settled. West Ham agreed to pay £380,000 in compensation and costs and were told they could take no other Reading staff. Alan was told he could join West Ham on 18 October. This meant that I would be in charge of the team for a further five matches. It wasn't what I wanted but at least the end was in sight. To be honest, the pressure hadn't been quite as intense as a few months earlier when, in my first stint as manager, I'd been fighting to keep the club in the Premiership. It only became a worry for me when it was obvious that replacing Glenn would take longer than originally anticipated. The idea, as envisaged by the board, was to resolve the problem as quickly as possible and thus give the new manager the chance to settle in early and give him as long as possible to create the impetus for a promotion bid in the second half of the season.
The whole purpose of my role, really, was to prepare the ground for the new manager and present him with a situation that gave him a realistic chance of securing promotion. I felt team spirit was good and there was fierce competition for places, particularly among the main strikers, Defoe, Connolly and Mellor. I also thought that the atmosphere in the dressing room was different to that I had encountered at the end of the previous season. A few months earlier there had been a diverse mix of languages and cultures – and some big names, big earners and big egos.
Now, it was more like a dressing room I remembered from my own playing days. It was a bit more homely. It was essentially British, and English was the only language you heard. During my time as manager in Division One in 2003–04 I used a total of 20 players, but only four were from outside the UK – Tomas Repka (Czech Republic), Richard Garcia (Australia), Youssef Sofiane (France) and Niclas Alexandersson (Sweden). Many of the big egos were among the 19 players who had moved on. I was left with a group of players who, by and large, had things to prove.
My last game in charge was a 2-2 draw with Burnley at Upton Park. A crowd of more than 31,000 turned up to see Alan Pardew introduced to the fans. I was pleased he was at the game. He could see the team's strengths – and weaknesses – and therefore had a good idea of what lay ahead of him. It wasn't a great performance on our part and my last significant act as manager was to send on Don Hutchison from the substitutes' bench. Happily for us, he volleyed an equaliser with four minutes remaining. His late goal meant that I retired from management with a record that read: played 14, won 9, drawn 4, lost 1. My record in detail was:
Premiership 2002–03 – Manchester City (A) 1-0 Kanoute; Chelsea (H) 1-0 Di Canio; Birmingham City (A) 2-2 Ferdinand, Di Canio
Division One 2003–04 – Bradford City (H) 1-0 Defoe; Ipswich (A) 2-1 Defoe, Connolly; Reading (H) 1-0 Dailly; Crewe (A) 3-0 Connolly (2), Etherington; Gillingham (A) 0-2; Millwall (H) 1-1 Connolly; Crystal Palace (H) 3-0 Defoe, Mellor (2); Derby (A) 1-0 Hutchison; Norwich (H) 1-1 Edworthy (og); Burnley (H) 2-2 Connolly, Hutchison
Carling Cup – Cardiff (A) 3-2 Defoe (3)
The team was in a good position in the table – fifth – when Alan took charge for the game against Nottingham Forest at Upton Park on 22 October. I was pleased to be able to hand over a side that was enjoying good form but realised that this in itself created a pressure for the new manager. I read somewhere that my ten First Division games had produced a total of 21 points. This was an average of 2.1 points per match. If we could maintain that rate over a 46-match season we would finish with 96 points. That would have been enough to end the season as champions, two points ahead of Norwich, who were the winners with 94 points.
Looking back, I think in one sense it would have been easier for Alan had we been struggling a bit. The expectancy level wouldn't have been quite so high. As it turned out, he had to wait until his eighth game before he could register a victory. His opening game against Forest, with his first signing, Hayden Mullins, in midfield, required a Defoe equaliser to secure a 1-1 draw. A run of four further draws followed, interrupted only by a 3-4 home defeat to West Brom. By the time he recorded his first win – 4-0 against Wigan – he had strengthened the goal-scoring department by signing Marlon Harewood for £600,000 from Nottingham Forest and Brian Deane on a free transfer from Leicester City.
Back in the boardroom, I still felt a responsibility although I knew it was important for me not to linger around the training ground or dressing room. It was now Alan's problem but I told him that I would always be available if he wanted to talk to me. Funnily enough, when I was around the players at the training ground I felt more comfortable than I had when Glenn was in charge. With Glenn I often wondered whether he felt that I was hovering around for a purpose. I was an ex-player with a profile at Upton Park. Did he ever think that I was trying to get something more significant than my non-executive director role?
I hope not. It wasn't something I wanted, but I would have understood if he felt that way. The territories were more clearly defined with Alan Pardew. I'd been partly responsible for signing him. He knew that I was his link to the boardroom and he accepted that was the limit of my involvement. My working relationship with him was a very good one. He didn't know, though, that it would be a brief one. It was at this time that the Football Association asked me to consider the newly created role of director of football development. I was happy to accept this new challenge even though it obviously meant having to relinquish my role at West Ham. Nothing, though, altered the fact that I remained, first and foremost, a fan of the club.
What my two spells in charge at West Ham taught me is that I could probably have made a career for myself as a manager had I chosen that path. I found it flattering, doing the job for the second time, when several players tried to persuade me to take it on permanently. First time round I'd had to deal with a lot of overseas players and a lot of big-name personalities. Second time round we had a lot of new faces and, in the main, the egos were smaller. They rose to the challenge. We got some good results and, I think, put in place something for Alan Pardew and the club's immediate future. I remember asking two or three players after Glenn had lost his job whether they thought I had established a rapport with the squad. They all responded positively, which I found encouraging.
It interested me because what I was doing with them on the training pitch was exactly what I used to do as a player 20 years before with Ron Greenwood and John Lyall. They were the only two managers I had in my club career. I was doing with my players exactly what they had done with their players. There was no difference at all. When I started my caretaker role I used to wonder whether the young players were thinking: 'What on earth is he on about?'
But I had no problems with them. I tried to involve the players in what I was thinking and trying to achieve. Ron and John believed in giving players responsibility. I told mine that I believed in them and that they should have confidence in what they were trying to accomplish. The response was so encouraging that, one day as I drove home from training, I remember thinking to myself, 'You must be doing something right.'
Alan Pardew arrived with his own ideas and a clearly defined set of principles, a new set of rules and a range of player fines covering everything from dress code to discipline on and off the pitch. The players responded well to him, but home defeats against Stoke, Ipswich and Preston – nine points dropped – more or less killed any realistic hope of winning automatic promotion. We finished fourth, 12 points behind second-placed West Brom, and qualified for that end-of-season nightmare for those involved – the play-offs.
We faced Ipswich in the two-leg semi-finals and lost the first match 1-0 at Portman Road. Three days later, on a euphoric night at Upton Park, 34,002 watched Matthew Etherington and Christian Dailly score the goals that gave West Ham a 2-0 win (2-1 on aggregate) and a place in the First Division play-off final against Crystal Palace at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff. For the two managers involved, the big day in Cardiff was likely to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Alan Pardew, of course, had played for Palace and their manager, Iain Dowie, had played for West Ham. For the clubs themselves the most important aspect of the big day was the £20-25 million that came with Premiership football. So, for West Ham this was the most important game of a long and difficult season in which, at various times, three different managers had held the reins.
West Ham's line-up that day illustrated just how much had changed among the playing staff at Upton Park in the space of a year. Of the team that started against Palace only Repka, Lomas and Dailly had been in the line-up for the final game of the season 12 months earlier. Sadly for the fans who made the long pilgrimage to Cardiff – I was among them – the play-off final was a huge letdown. A Neil Shipperley goal gave Palace a 1-0 victory and condemned West Ham to another season in Division One.
Alan Pardew was bitterly disappointed by the result and the performance and, as a former manager myself, I knew exactly how he felt.
#### CHAPTER 16
#### OLYMPIC 'GAINS'
I WAS A SCHOOLBOY IN SHORTS when I first went to watch West Ham. A match programme cost six old pennies (2½p) and the club's record signing was Johnny Byrne, who cost £65,000 from Crystal Palace. That was many years ago now, so the prospect of abandoning the familiar and homely confines of Upton Park generates all kinds of emotions. There must be generations of West Ham fans who have mixed feelings about relocating to the Olympic Stadium in Stratford. Like many of them, I will be sad to bid farewell to Upton Park but the move to a brand-new stadium just four miles away was an opportunity that the club could not afford to ignore.
The home of the Hammers – the Boleyn Ground to be accurate – houses a million memories of promotion triumphs, relegation dramas, big European nights, great FA Cup adventures and sad goodbyes to lost heroes. It has become an integral part of the community in that part of east London and I'm sure there are old-timers who still remember the V1 flying bomb that damaged the South Bank in 1944. The Boleyn Ground takes its name from a 16th-century hunting lodge that stood on the site. When West Ham moved there in 1904 the hunting lodge, known as the Boleyn Castle, was being used by a Roman Catholic school. West Ham paid rent for the land until the Archdiocese of Westminster agreed to sell it to the club for £30,000 in 1959.
The move from the Memorial Ground in the docklands to the Boleyn Ground in Upton Park was prompted by a series of disagreements with the club's erstwhile benefactor, Arnold F. Hills, the president of Thames Ironworks. The decision to switch grounds laid the foundations for West Ham's later success as a professional football club. At the time, the club was struggling financially. The players' average weekly wage was £2.50 and they received a £10 signing-on fee, which doesn't sound much these days. But on arrival at Upton Park the club had an overdraft of £770 and assets of less than £200. What was important was the increase in revenue in that first season at the Boleyn – up from £2,900 to £4,300.
This produced a sense of optimism which was soon to be justified. The first match at the new ground in September 1904, a 3-0 win over Millwall, attracted a crowd of 10,000. When Spurs were held to a goalless draw three weeks later the crowd was 16,000. It soon became obvious that the move from the docklands benefited the club hugely. By 1911 assets exceeded liabilities for the first time and two years later they were able to invest £4,000 in a new stand.
Financial considerations may not be quite as critical for the current board of directors at West Ham, though I think the move to Stratford could be as significant a landmark for the club as the move to the Boleyn Ground 110 years ago. I think playing in the Olympic Stadium will raise the profile of the club and present opportunities that simply didn't exist at Upton Park.
It's a fabulous, brand-new stadium with great transport links and lots of potential for increasing the club's fan base. The proposed 54,000 capacity in the Olympic Stadium is about 20,000 more than the club's average attendance and that presents the promotion and marketing people with a challenge. West Ham has a very loyal fan base and there is no reason why this cannot be extended significantly in the years ahead. The transport links mean that West Ham will be one of the easiest clubs to visit in London and I suspect that we could attract a lot of new corporate clients from the City and Canary Wharf.
The Olympic Games in 2012 were a huge success for London, and West Ham are privileged to have been chosen to play a part in protecting the legacy of one of the great events in world sport. The Olympic Park in Stratford is being converted into a recreational area the size of Hyde Park, with sports facilities, wildlife habitats, woodland, landscaped gardens and play areas.
It's going to cost about £150 million to convert the Olympic venue into a soccer stadium and, although some argue that taxpayers should not have to underwrite a Premier League club's removal costs, the fact is that the stadium will be available to host other events. It is surely a more logical proposal than Tottenham's plan to demolish the stadium and rebuild it.
About 15 years ago, when I was chairman of Sport England, I was involved in the founding of the City of Manchester Stadium, which became the fifth largest ground in the Premier League. The success of this stadium is an example of what can be achieved with perseverance, patience and hard work. Manchester first proposed a new stadium nearly 30 years ago and hoped that it would be the centrepiece of their bid to host the 1996 Olympic Games. Atlanta were the eventual winners of the bidding process but Manchester were undeterred.
When they won the right to host the 2002 Commonwealth Games they built their showpiece stadium for the major events for £112 million, with Sport England contributing £77 million and Manchester Council the rest. Many significant figures, such as Sebastian Coe and Jonathan Edwards, wanted a stadium with an athletics legacy but the feeling at Sport England was that this would become a white elephant, rarely used for athletics. It would cost £1 million a year just to maintain the stadium.
In 1998 Manchester City, then in Division One, agreed to lease the proposed new stadium from the council after the Commonwealth Games. Conversion to a football stadium would cost the council £22 million and the football club would pay a further £20 million fitting it out. City moved into the new stadium in 2003–04 and, although supporters were initially sceptical about abandoning Maine Road, their home for 80 years, the move has been a huge success. As a Championship club, City were getting attendances of around 20,000. They agreed that should they win promotion they would pay a commission once the gate figure reached 25,000, extra for 30,000, more still for 35,000 and so on.
This commission was paid to the council and invested in a sports trust which was used for the benefit of the entire city. This scheme raised a lot of money for the community and eventually the new Arab owners of the club bought out the agreement because it was costing them a small fortune in commission payments. To my way of thinking, it was a great example of what could be achieved when all parties shared a common purpose and were singing from the same song sheet. Now, of course, sponsored by Etihad, the club's current proposals include expansion plans that will increase capacity to 62,000.
The development of the Etihad Stadium was one of the most satisfying chapters of my time in sports administration. It showed that we could build a top-class facility, stage a world-class event and, at the same time, regenerate a poor part of Manchester. I think our success in Manchester convinced the government that we should bid to stage the 2012 Olympic Games. There is no reason why West Ham's move should not be just as successful in the long term even though, unlike the Etihad, the Olympic Stadium was designed to have an athletics track as part of its legacy. Lord Coe was notable among those pressing the case for track and field. But who would have used the track? And how often? I believe it would have been a real drain on the public purse.
Many of the people involved in the development of the Olympic Stadium had also played a part in the building of the City of Manchester Stadium, but the ease with which the Manchester project progressed contrasted sharply with the problems faced in Stratford. Looking back, I think it's a great shame that the same foresight wasn't applied to both projects. I was also involved in a third big government project – the rebuilding of Wembley Stadium. That was going to cost around £350 million. Then the Minister for Sport, Kate Hoey, suspended the project because it didn't have a dedicated athletics track. That put completion back by three years and doubled the cost. The FA are still paying for it.
I think sport should be an essential part of all our lives and these high-quality facilities are important, but they must be sustainable in the long term. In my 15 years in sports administration I came to realise just how difficult it was to fund sport for all. Much of my time at the Sport Council was spent trying to get funding for sport, particularly at grass-roots level. I think the experience I gained was a key factor in the FA deciding they wanted me to help with the development of football at all levels.
I had a career in professional sport. Not everyone is that lucky but sport should be available to all. As a schoolboy I seem to remember that access to sport was easier than it is now. I loved sport at school – football, cricket, tennis, anything. Nowadays it's difficult to find teachers willing to give up their time outside school hours to coach children or take them to events.
When I was at the Sports Council I began to discover that there was a major problem with the number and quality of school playing fields. Providing sports facilities should be a statutory requirement. Go to France or Germany and look at the facilities in even the smallest communities. In those countries, if you build a new housing estate you have to provide amenities for sport and leisure. That is not the case here. Sports facilities are the luck of the draw. Some councils provide them, some don't. As a result, we see increased rates of obesity and anti-social behaviour among the young due, in part at least, to a lack of the sort of amenities that can channel the energies of young people. Obesity is a growing problem and I suspect that eventually the health service will simply be unable to cope. Sport for the young could help to combat that.
But more and more local authorities, faced with budget cuts, are looking for ways to generate extra revenue. Lots of junior and local sports clubs are being asked to pay increased and unrealistic fees for using facilities. So, if they don't have the money, the kids who might be enjoying the facilities ignore them. In an FA survey of grass-roots football 84 per cent of respondents claimed that 'poor facilities' was their main concern. I remember a lively radio debate with the then Minister for Sport Richard Caborn in 2002 when I criticised the Labour government for a lack of funding for sport.
From a football viewpoint the biggest challenge involves the 16–25 age group. That's when they have to start paying. Many are unemployed or in further education and can't afford to tap into sport. The drop-out rate at that age is our biggest challenge. Even at the higher levels of the game the drop-out rate is worrying. A total of 54 players represented England at the European Under-17 Championship finals in 2005, 2007 and 2009 but four years later only ten remained active in the Premier League. There are no simple answers. We need more coaches and better coaches. At the highest level we have 203 coaches in England who hold the full UEFA Pro Licence. Spain, for example, has more than 2,000 coaches at that level.
It is a changing game. Progress for a young player seemed so much more straightforward back in the days of Hurst, Moore and Peters but, of course, there were many who failed to make the grade even then. I think it's tough for English youngsters and likely to get tougher. On any weekend you care to name only 33 per cent of the players in action in the Premier League will be English. Just as worrying are the figures showing that many overseas players, unable to make the grade in the Premier League, are seeking consolation in the Championship. This drift into the second tier meant that at the end of 2013–14 around 50 per cent of the players in the Championship were from overseas.
More and more club owners are also from abroad. Many don't appreciate the culture within English football. The traditional fan has a set of values and ambitions, some unchanged for decades, that may not be shared by foreign owners. Some owners have a portfolio of several clubs and an agenda that comprises international rather than just domestic football. I can envisage a time in the not-too-distant future when our top three or four clubs desert the Premier League and play in an 18-club European Super League. There would be a lot of support for that among some of the blue-chip clubs in Europe.
The game must progress and evolve, but I think it's important that football continues to cater for the traditional fan. It's important that clubs understand that. Not all do. West Ham is a club with deep and rich traditions and I hope we maintain them. The club's co-chairmen, David Sullivan and David Gold, inherited debts approaching £100 million and have steered the club through difficult times. They know what West Ham United FC means to the supporters. They know that anyone who remembers the old Chicken Run will be sad when the last ball is kicked in the last match at Upton Park. But they know, too, how difficult it's going to be in the years ahead. I think it will be challenging to cope with the ups and downs of relegation in the future for middle-ranking clubs like West Ham. I believe stability will be harder to find but the Olympic Stadium gives us a better chance of doing so.
One of the most worrying recent trends is the decline in participation in the 11-a-side game even though men's football remains the number one sport in the country. On the flip side, there has been encouraging growth in five-a-side and mini football, and the girls' game is positively booming. Figures suggest that by 2017 women's football in this country will have more participants than any men's sport – apart, of course, from men's football. But the clubs, administrators and government bodies still have a lot to do, particularly if we are to halt the decreasing numbers in the men's 16–25 age group.
There are no easy answers but I believe that we need a big increase in the availability of third generation pitches. We need to invest in more high-quality artificial pitches – 40 to 50 a year to reverse the downward trend – so that people can play all the year round, regardless of the weather. In my view, this could transform participation levels as well as speed up the development of youngsters at grass-roots level.
#### CHAPTER 17
#### 'MY GOOD FRIEND TREVOR BROOKLING!'
IN MANY WAYS I SHOULD thank Billy Bonds for my second career. When considering life after football at West Ham, I gave very little thought to television and radio as a means of supporting my family. I knew that football management wouldn't interest me or be welcomed by my family and, initially at least, the media wasn't an option. Thirty or forty years ago, the business of sports commentating for TV and radio was almost exclusively the preserve of media professionals.
This began to change as TV stations realised that viewers enjoyed watching and listening to former players such as Jimmy Hill, Jimmy Armfield and Bob Wilson. I was in the autumn of my playing career, had written occasional columns for the _Sunday Express_ and London _Evening Standard_ , and had emerged quite unwittingly as the unofficial after-match spokesman for the West Ham dressing room. This job was essentially the responsibility of the club captain, but at West Ham the club captain was Billy Bonds and he had never been comfortable talking to the media. He had nothing against journalists but simply didn't enjoy talking into a microphone or facing a camera. He had all the attributes that make a truly great captain, but at the end of every match all he ever wanted to do was get home. He was always first out of the dressing room. If we were playing at home, he was driving out of the car park within 20 minutes of the end of the match. If we had an away fixture, he would be first on the team bus after the match.
The media professionals who wanted to talk to the manager, captain or star of the match at the end gradually came to realise that they were wasting their time trying to get Bill to answer their questions. He would always slip away unnoticed. If he were playing today, he may not have got away with it so easily. Media access now has a structured agenda and post-match interviews, for instance, are obligatory for all managers.
Bill's reluctance meant that the journalists seeking after-match comments at West Ham turned more and more to the other senior statesman in the team – me. Bill was pleased that I was happy to undertake interviews and would often tell me as he dashed off home: 'Remember to talk to the press.' Then, as he wriggled past the waiting press men outside the dressing room, he'd say: 'Trevor will be out in a minute. He'll talk to you.'
So it was that I got to know the top men at BBC Radio – Peter Jones, the match commentator, and Bryon Butler, the football correspondent who had previously been a highly regarded football writer on the _Daily Telegraph_. I would speak to them regularly after matches and, as retirement grew near, they used to ask what I planned to do with the rest of my life. Apparently, the BBC were thinking of using two match commentators at each game they covered. Would I, they asked, be interested in trying out as a co-commentator? I gave it a try and was co-commentating at midweek matches before I actually played my last games for West Ham. There was an art to it, but I enjoyed it.
Peter Jones taught me almost everything I know about radio commentary. Sadly, he died many years ago but even today people still recall his eloquent, mellifluous delivery with just a hint of his Welsh background. He covered all the World Cup tournaments from 1966 to 1986 and is particularly remembered for his moving coverage of the Heysel Stadium disaster in 1985. He was deeply affected, too, by the Hillsborough disaster in 1989 and a year later collapsed on the BBC launch while covering the Oxford–Cambridge boat race. He died the following day.
He was perhaps the last of the old-style broadcasters. Soon after his death, broadcasting in the UK underwent something of a revolution with the advent of Sky TV and BBC Radio Five Live and the introduction of their more informal, populist style.
What commentators like Peter Jones would have made of today's social media, I can't imagine. The internet and Twitter, along with more traditional media outlets, combine to set the tone for the professional game on a daily basis. Media interest is more intense and intrusive than it has ever been and clubs are becoming more aware of the dangers of social media. They are trying to introduce controls that make players aware of their responsibilities. Players who don't adhere to the regulations face disciplinary action in many cases.
One of the difficulties, of course, is that the fans do not have the same restrictions. They can say what they want. They can create problems and exert pressures that simply didn't exist 30 years ago. My old West Ham manager wouldn't have survived the kind of pressures that managers have to confront today. It was a more benign period in the sixties and seventies. Ron Greenwood would have hated the instabilities created by modern media outlets.
I don't know what it will lead to in years ahead. Nearly 40 per cent of Premier League players have Twitter accounts. I thought that was high until I learned the figure for academy players in the 16–21 age group – 98 per cent. Clubs are having to warn young players of the consequences if they post something inappropriate on Twitter. I think it's a minefield.
As my career at the BBC evolved, I was asked to sit in the studio on a Saturday night and give my opinions on _Match of the Day_. Des Lynam was the presenter and the top TV commentators at the time were Barry Davies and John Motson. They were all outstanding professionals. Guided by them, I quickly learned the different requirements of TV and radio. On radio you have to describe what is happening. But on TV the viewers have seen for themselves, so you have to explain _why_ it happened. On TV you have to learn when to be silent and allow the pictures to tell the story. But there is a need to keep talking on radio, which means you need to be quicker and sharper. TV can be a bit more leisurely.
For me, Peter Jones was the master. When you were working with him he'd often put you on the spot with a pointed question. Many commentators will say: 'Don't you think that was disgraceful, Trevor?' You know what they are thinking and they lead you into the answer. Peter didn't give you a clue. You got no hint of what he thought. 'What about that, Trevor?' he'd say. 'What do you think of that?' You had to make up your own mind. I think he helped me become more authoritative because he allowed me to offer a fresh opinion uncluttered by what he thought personally about the issue.
I was sometimes accused of sitting on the fence. I could understand why some people felt that, but I didn't think I was avoiding giving my opinion. In all honesty, I found it difficult at first to personally criticise those I had played with over the years. I always tried to be fair and give the benefit of the doubt. If asked for my opinion I would always give it, but I didn't feel it was my place to embarrass people with my answers. I never wanted to be destructive or unfair with my comments. I always tried to be balanced and constructive. It's getting harder now to have middle-of-the-road views because today's world expects you to be opinionated. Football pundits on TV are inevitably going to alienate people – that's now part of the job. That's why I couldn't be a critic and work for the FA at the same time. Today's presenters ask the pundits questions that leave little room for manoeuvre: 'Should Sam Allardyce be sacked? Yes or no?'
There really is no hiding place where TV is concerned, particularly on the pitch. With so many cameras around the ground there is almost no element of a match that escapes the all-seeing eye of TV, whether it's on the pitch, in the dugouts or in the stands. Graeme Souness, a tough-guy Liverpool captain who is now a pundit for Sky among others, admits that the kind of challenges he got away with in the seventies would not escape the attention of modern TV. Graeme is just one of many former players now appearing regularly on your screens. It has become something of a cottage industry for dozens of former players – Lee Dixon, John Hartson, Alan Shearer, Danny Murphy, Jamie Carragher, Gary Neville, Jamie Redknapp and Martin Keown to name just a few.
From the modern game the doyens of the business are the former Liverpool centre-backs Alan Hansen, who worked for the BBC from 1991 to 2014, and Mark Lawrenson, who started in 1995. The presenter Gary Lineker joined the BBC in 1994 and has been the _Match of the Day_ anchor since succeeding Des Lynam in 1999. Des, who succeeded Jimmy Hill in 1988, was a hard act to follow but Gary has made a really impressive job of it.
Des, who was born in Ireland but moved to Brighton with his family at the age of six, was a great professional with vast experience of TV and radio. He got on really well with Gary and had a great rapport with Alan Hansen. I think they played a bit of golf together. Des was good at bringing the best out of Alan. Initially, Alan's answers were brief and abrupt. Des encouraged him to elaborate. I think Alan found it difficult at times but Des helped him become a comfortable and confident TV personality, and the football analyst to emulate over the last 30 years.
We all, of course, had our difficult moments and I'm sure that present-day players, going into an unfamiliar TV studio, are faced with many of the challenges that I confronted. Personally, it took me a while to get used to the ear piece. Whenever I got the chance I abandoned mine. For someone doing Gary's job, though, it is essential. While having a conversation on air with me, or Alan or Mark, he's also listening to his producer giving instructions through his ear piece. It takes a bit of getting used to.
I worked for the BBC from 1984 to 2003 and, because of a possible conflict of interests, had to leave when I joined the FA. I was fortunate enough to attend five World Cups and five European Championships in my 19 years with the BBC. I considered it a privilege to travel around the world watching the game I loved. What a way to earn a living!
The great professionals of my time included people like John Arlott, Henry Blofeld, Peter O'Sullevan, Brian Johnston, Eddie Waring, Harry Carpenter, Eamonn Andrews, David Coleman, Ken 'They think it's all over' Wolstenholme and, of course, the two great doyens of modern BBC radio, Mike Ingham and Alan Green. The sportsmen who became noted commentators included Geoff Boycott, Peter Alliss, Jonathan Agnew, Richie Benaud, Trevor Bailey and Dan 'Oh! I say!' Maskell.
In commentary terms I never came close to those people but I know I left a mark because you can find the evidence if you trawl the internet. Who was it who said during an exciting football commentary: 'It's great end-to-end stuff, but from side to side!'? I did. And who said: 'He chanced his arm, with his left foot!'? Me, again!
Most of the remarks you'd like to forget are eventually forgotten by the rest of the nation. But not all. Long after his retirement from the BBC, people will be reminding Alan Hansen of what he said about Alex Ferguson's young side at Manchester United: 'You can't win anything with kids!' They went on, as we know, to become one of the greatest club teams of all time.
Hopefully, most people have forgotten about my TV encounter with Pele in 1994. I'd met him once, in the company of Bobby Moore, and played against him once when he was a 40-year-old in the Team America side beaten 3-1 by England in the Bicentennial game in Philadelphia. In 1994 I was working for the BBC at the World Cup in the United States. Pele was a FIFA ambassador and we secured a 'live' interview with him. He was facing the camera and was told that he would be asked questions by someone in the studio he knew well – a former playing opponent, Trevor Brooking. 'Oh! Fine!' said Pele to camera. 'It'll be nice to hear from my good friend Trevor Brookling!'
Des Lynam couldn't stop laughing. He's been calling me Trevor Brookling ever since.
#### CHAPTER 18
#### BATTERED IN BRAZIL
I had hoped to end my career in professional football on a high note in Brazil. It didn't work out that way. England's failure to progress from the World Cup's Group D was the most disappointing episode in all the years I spent with England either as a player or administrator.
It was a wake-up call, if one was needed. There were clear warning signs with England's failure to qualify for Euro 2008, followed by the woeful World Cup performance in South Africa two years later. The message was simple and brutally confirmed in Brazil: we are just not good enough at the moment.
As is usually the case in these circumstances, fingers were pointed in the aftermath of England's humiliation, all kinds of 'reasons' for failure were put forward and far-reaching solutions were explored. This time, though, there also seemed to be a reluctant acceptance that our early exit was not entirely surprising. There were calls for the inevitable enquiry into the state of the game, for reform at the Football Association and ludicrous suggestions that the failure was due to the fact that the players didn't try hard enough.
This simply wasn't the case. The players wanted to win just as much as the thousands of loyal England fans who spent fortunes following them across the world. The training and preparation programmes, organised by manager Roy Hodgson, were top class. His tactics were relevant and appropriate for the conditions and the opposition.
So, were the players up to the task facing them in Brazil? Some were clearly not comfortable at that level of competition. It _is_ demanding and sometimes I wonder whether we are tough enough these days. I remember from my own playing career with England just how taxing, both physically and mentally, it can be to play against the best in the world.
Sadly, injury restricted my playing time at the 1982 World Cup to just a few minutes against Spain, but it was a real privilege to be part of an England squad that returned home from the tournament unbeaten in five matches. We conceded only one goal in those five matches and were generally considered to be one of the hardest teams to beat.
Remember, the England manager in those far-off days was Ron Greenwood, an advocate of open, attacking football. Yet he had put together a team with a resilient core, a team that would not yield to anyone. We had players like Terry Butcher, Phil Thompson, Mick Mills and Bryan Robson, all of whom could put the fear of God into the opposition.
In many ways they represented the traditional strengths of the English game. Foreign teams rarely enjoyed facing England because they knew they would have to overcome the physical challenge if they were to have any chance of winning the match.
Times change. The hard, unforgiving qualities of generations of England players, from Nobby Stiles and Norman Hunter to Tony Adams and Stuart Pearce, have largely been eclipsed in the search for improved technical ability and enhanced attacking options. As an attacking player myself, I have supported the drive to improve technique, but England's woeful showing in Brazil brought home to me the consequences of abandoning our traditional strengths.
Yes, we are improving as an attacking team, but the fact that we are focusing more on going forward should not be allowed to undermine our defensive stability. There were times in Brazil when senior players like Steve Gerrard and Frank Lampard voiced the opinion that we were allowing opponents to get in our faces and intimidate us. This is what we used to do to opponents. There were certainly occasions in the defeats against Italy and Uruguay when we were simply unable to compete on a one-against-one basis with opposing attackers. We have to be able to do this if we hope to be successful in the modern game.
After the disappointments under Fabio Capello in South Africa in 2010, when the 1-0 defeat of Slovenia was our only win in four games, we had justifiable hopes of making better progress this time. Our form in the qualifying competition had been encouraging. We recognised that we were in one of the toughest groups in the finals and, like most other people, thought the two nations to qualify for the last 16 would come from the three obvious teams – England, Italy and Uruguay. How many people would have tipped Costa Rica to top the group?
When we faced Italy in our opening game, I remember thinking to myself that the England team could not have been better prepared. I think Roy Hodgson did a comprehensive job. His training schedules in Portugal, St George's Park and Miami were perfectly tailored to England's needs and the three warm-up matches against Peru, Ecuador and Honduras created a great atmosphere in the dressing room and good interaction between the players. The squad was as relaxed, focused and positive as I'd seen during my association with the England international set-up.
I travelled with the squad throughout the build-up period and, although not part of Roy Hodgson's coaching staff, would offer opinions if asked. As the FA's Director of Football Development I had been involved in identifying Fabio Capello's successor and believed that Roy was the right man for the job. I still do believe that.
We all thought that the opening game against Italy in the sultry heat of Manaus would be critical and we believed that we were good enough to beat the Italians. They had some senior statesmen in their team – none more stately than the 35-year-old Andrea Pirlo – but, to be fair, their fitness stood up well in the conditions. We had our chances, but conceded two soft goals and lost 2-1.
From that moment we were under pressure. Uruguay, our next opponents, had their goalscoring hero Luis Suarez returning from injury to face us. They were in our faces from the kick-off, but when Wayne Rooney equalised I thought we might go on to win. Instead, an unlikely series of events, culminating with Steve Gerrard's touch inadvertently playing Suarez onside, conspired to produce Uruguay's winning goal for Steve's Liverpool team-mate.
After just seven days of competition, with many teams still to play their second qualifying game, we knew we would be returning home whatever the result of our final match with Costa Rica. Daniel Sturridge could have scored a hat-trick against them, but didn't. We drew 0-0, ended up bottom of the group and went home with our tail between our legs. One point from nine was an awful return. We were bitterly disappointed. But it's a results business and our results weren't good enough.
So where do England go from here? There are issues still to address but I think we now have a structure in place that could produce significant results within a decade. I think the European Championship of 2016 is going to be too early for us, but I firmly believe that we will be serious challengers at the 2018 World Cup or the 2020 European Championship.
I think our grass-roots structure is now as good as any in Europe and our emphasis on youth development is already beginning to pay dividends. For instance, Roy's invitation to Jon Flanagan and John Stones to join England's World Cup preparations in Miami meant that ten of the 25 players training there were 22 or under. Roy is leading us in the right direction and to my way of thinking youngsters like Jack Wilshere, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Luke Shaw, Ross Barkley and Raheem Sterling are among those who could look forward to playing in several major tournaments in the years ahead.
Certainly, from an attacking point of view, the England manager is going to have a greater depth of talent to choose from in a few years. This should be just one of the benefits to emerge from the overhaul of the coaching programme. We have new structures in place, with more staff and an emphasis on technical development. The Premier League academies are investing in upgrading their coaching programmes and hopefully we will see long-term benefits in terms of quality English graduates coming through the system.
I think in the last two or three years we've made as much progress as we did in the previous seven or eight. In coaching terms it's been a bit of a political roller coaster, but the big turning points came in 2008 when we failed to qualify for the European Championship and 2010 when we had a poor World Cup campaign in South Africa. We revamped the youth coaching modules – the three age groups are 5-11, 12-16 and 17-21 – and started making changes at grass-roots level.
The lack of progress at 5-11 was evident to me, so that became the initial priority. We developed a skills programme and the support of Tesco allowed us to employ 150 full-time junior coaches nationwide. In time the success of this programme encouraged professional academy clubs to adopt similar schemes, and now we are starting to see an improvement in the quality of young players emerging from this age group.
The most significant problem now is in the 12-16 age group, where the challenge involves transferring the ball skills developed in small-sided games to adult pitches. What we don't want are youngsters, who've learned good technique on small pitches, suddenly hitting long passes simply because they are playing on bigger pitches. Even though England's Under-17s have been successful, the real problem for me is still in this middle age group when the kids reach their teens. At 16, when they get their scholarship at a club, so many are simply not advanced enough to be challenging for a first-team place at 18 or 19. More are coming through now, but sadly the depth is still not there among English youngsters.
I believe those in the 17-21 age group should be good enough to play first-team football. If we bring them through the first two phases properly there is no reason why they should be overlooked. One of the key problems was that the two younger age groups were usually coached on a part-time basis. With that in mind, we managed to include, as part of the Elite Player Performance Plan, the ruling that each club should employ an additional four full-time coaches – two for each of the younger age group levels. The result of this is that full-time coaches now have the time to assess and observe older age groups and therefore recognise the standards required for successful graduates.
We are still not stretching youngsters enough in the two younger age groups. To do this we need top-quality coaches but to attract the best we have to offer salaries of around £40,000 a year. Presently, those working with the younger age groups earn £15-20,000 a year. We are losing the better ones because they want to work with the oldest age group where they can earn £40-50,000. If we have a concentration of the best coaches in the 17-21 group, it follows that a lot of their teaching talent will be wasted because the players they are working with will not be of the required standard. You can be the best coach in Europe but if the quality of the players you are coaching is not high you haven't got much chance, have you?
The fact is that we can produce players good enough to win trophies. For all the problems, the Under-17 age group was a beacon of optimism during my 11 years at the FA. In 2010 they went through the season unbeaten and won the UEFA Under-17 title for the first time. They won it again in 2014. John Peacock, the FA's head of coaching and a specialist in youth development, was the coach on both occasions.
England had never won the Under-17 title, or its Under-16 predecessor, when John took them to Liechtenstein for the final tournament in 2010. They were crowned champions with a 2-1 win against Spain, completing a run of 11 straight victories that season, including five in the final tournament. Spain were highly fancied to win and their senior squad travelled from their 2010 World Cup warm-up base in Austria to support the youngsters.
A fine individual goal from Connor Wickham clinched the title for England and secured him UEFA's Golden Player of the Tournament award. The last England youngster to win this was Wayne Rooney back in 2002. The success in 2010 was a sign that we were moving in the right direction. It was England's first European title since the Under-18 triumph of 1993 – the year most of the 2010 squad were born – with a group of young hopefuls that included five future stars: Sol Campbell, Gary Neville, Paul Scholes, Robbie Fowler and Nicky Butt.
All five played for England at senior level, winning nearly 300 caps between them. Hopefully, graduates from the 2010 squad will make similar progress. Certainly, the Everton midfield player Ross Barkley has made an outstanding start to his career and there were others, like Birmingham goalkeeper Jack Butland, Chelsea's Josh McEachran and West Brom's Saido Berahino, who all caught my eye in Liechtenstein.
Four years after that success the Under-17s did it again. This time the venue was Malta. Fifty-three nations participated in a two-round qualification stage to determine which seven teams would join Malta in the final tournament. Having safely reached the last eight, England then beat Malta 3-0 and Turkey 4-1. We lost 2-0 to the Netherlands but still qualified for the semi-final, where goals from Chelsea's Dominic Solanke and Fulham's Patrick Roberts gave us a 2-0 victory over Portugal.
In the final we met the Netherlands again. We drew 1-1 – Solanke scoring his fourth goal of the tournament – and then finally overcame England's penalty curse by winning the shoot-out 4-1. It was a tremendous performance by our lads and underlined the improvements being made at youth level. Apart from Solanke and Roberts, others who impressed included Isaiah Brown of Chelsea and Josh Onomah of Tottenham.
With a bit of good fortune, Roy Hodgson should be able to call upon these emerging youngsters and in the future his successors should be able to reap the benefits of a coaching and development structure that is as good as you could find anywhere. I took a lot of satisfaction from the opening of the FA national training centre at St George's Park on 330 acres near Burton upon Trent. The idea for such a facility had been around for years and it came to fruition when the professional game finally recognised the decline in the numbers and quality of young English players. The centre was officially opened by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge in October 2012 and is now the base for all coaching and development work undertaken by the FA, and is the training and preparation ground for the England national teams. We have received lots of plaudits for the quality of the facilities at St George's Park.
David Bernstein, who began his brief reign as FA chairman in January 2011, was an influential figure in establishing the development programmes. He understood what we needed to do and was a source of great encouragement. He also gave me the opportunity to recruit key members of the coaching team. I brought Gareth Southgate back as Under-21 coach and appointed West Brom's Dan Ashworth as the FA's director of elite development. I believe both men can make significant long-term contributions. We now have really top-class professionals on the coaching staff to face the challenges ahead and I think that in the coming years we will have the opportunity to enhance the quality and quantity of young English players.
The coaching of footballers during my time as a player was much more straightforward than it is today. Many players from my era hung up their boots, studied the coaching manuals, took the courses, qualified for the badge and were ready to work. Twenty or thirty years ago a retired top player would walk into a dressing room and have instant credibility because of his playing reputation. It's not as simple as that today. Dealing with players can be a minefield. Most of them are multi-millionaires who are taking advice from battalions of agents, lawyers, accountants and other advisors. Those not already millionaires are intent on achieving that status as quickly as possible.
For the coach, trying to establish a relevant working relationship with a large group of players has become a complex business; far too complex for one man. Most Premier League clubs now have teams of coaching assistants fulfilling different roles. It's no different with the FA and England. That's why Roy Hodgson strengthened his coaching staff with people like Dave Reddin and Steve Peters. Dave is the new head of performance services at the FA. He is an expert in strengthening the mindset of sportsmen. He helped British Olympians and England's 2003 Rugby World Cup winners. He looks after sports science and performance analysis. Psychology is also an important part of his remit. Remember, England went out of tournaments in penalty shoot-outs in 1990, 1996, 1998, 2004, 2006 and 2012.
That was why Roy brought in Steve Peters, a specialist sports psychologist. Twenty-five years ago a coach would have thought he was undermining his own position by bringing a sports psychologist into the dressing room. Steve has carried out consultancy work in a wide range of sports, but it was his involvement in British cycling that propelled him into the public eye. Before joining the FA he had already worked closely with Steve Gerrard and snooker champion Ronnie O'Sullivan.
Compared to the days when I played, the back-room staff is now vast. Apart from coaches, there are physiotherapists, masseurs, doctors, security teams and video experts. Every England player in Brazil watched video analysis of everything he'd done in each game. That was the individual analysis, player by player. Each grouping was also analysed, so that the back four, for instance, saw video clips of them working together as a unit. That is something in the modern game as valuable to the coach as the work done by physios and masseurs.
All these people are part of the team and the team has to function as a cohesive unit. Before the England party left for Brazil, all the staff met with Roy to address the importance of maintaining confidence and optimism throughout the tournament. It's often the masseurs and physios who unwittingly become the 'agony aunts' to some of the players. Unhappy players often share their grumbles with the staff in the treatment room. Steve Peters stressed how crucial it was for the staff to react in a positive, optimistic and united fashion if any of the players started complaining. Players love to moan – about food, boredom, training, being left out of the team, anything. I know because I was a player! The only complaint voiced in Brazil as far as I know was about the time it took to travel from the team hotel to the training ground. It was about 40 minutes with a police escort. To be honest, there was little to complain about – apart from the results!
I think Roy, his staff and the players worked well as a unit. Most days I watched Roy working on the training ground and there is no doubt that he is a coach of huge experience and knowledge, with a deep interest in coach education. He always attends the major UEFA coaching seminars. A highly respected figure in the top echelons of the game, he is able to put his ideas across to players in a challenging and stimulating fashion.
I was involved in the process of appointing him. He was the only candidate we interviewed. He was the right man for the job. When it was obvious that we were not going to progress from the group stage in Brazil, the FA immediately voiced their support for him. I think it was important that we did that because it quickly rendered irrelevant any 'Roy must go' campaign. The FA chairman Greg Dyke made it clear that Roy would remain with the FA for at least the next two years.
I think Roy did his best with the players available to him. Some argued a case for the inclusion in the squad of Chelsea's John Terry and Ashley Cole. Their experience might have improved us in some areas of the field. But my own view is that the advantages of introducing a youngster like Luke Shaw to the World Cup and tournament football outweighed in the long term any benefit that might have accrued had John and Ashley been included. This is a transitional period for the England team and the progression will only come about if you bring in fresh blood. Our youngsters had the appetite and attitude in Brazil, but couldn't quite deliver. Their time will come.
What so pleased me was the way Roy embraced the youth policy. Hopefully he and his youngsters will enjoy some reward at the 2016 Euros in France but, if not, I'm sure future England managers will benefit. It's a long time since the late Bobby Robson steered England to the 1990 World Cup semi-finals and even longer since Alf Ramsey's team won the Jules Rimet trophy for the only time in 1966.
To be fair, the senior team hasn't got close to winning anything during my 11 years at the FA. Sven-Goran Eriksson was probably the closest, in the 2004 Euros in Portugal. A young Wayne Rooney scored two goals against Switzerland and, another two against Croatia before breaking a metatarsal in the quarter-final with Portugal. Sol Campbell had a goal disallowed and when the match ended 2-2 after extra time, David Beckham and Darius Vassell missed their shots in the penalty shoot-out. We played really well that day and I thought we should have won.
Sven's best result was the 5-1 victory over Germany in a World Cup qualifier in Munich in September 2001. It was a stunning result and Michael Owen claimed a hat-trick. Sven was a 4-4-2 man. He favoured two front runners, like Owen and Emile Heskey, who played together that day. I liked Sven. He had a good sense of humour, was very easy-going and created a relaxed environment when the players gathered. There were few rules, but no one took advantage. I don't think I ever saw him lose his temper but beneath that calm exterior he was desperate to win. In the context of England coaches of the modern era, I think he was pretty successful.
Steve McClaren was on the payroll as Sven's assistant and was one of the five candidates for the big job when Sven left the FA. Sven had been England's first foreign manager and there was a long debate about the qualities of the available English coaches. The selection panel asked me for my choice. I favoured a British coach and selected Northern Ireland's Martin O'Neill, who was between jobs. He had been manager of Celtic and was about to join Aston Villa.
The other candidates were the Portugal manager, 'Big Phil' – Luiz Felipe – Scolari, and three English coaches: Alan Curbishley, Sam Allardyce and Steve McClaren. Scolari was at the bottom of my list. I thought it was a bit early in his career for Steve McClaren, so Alan Curbishley was my choice of the English coaches. The Premier League representatives on the selection panel – Dave Richards, David Dein and Noel White – were keen on Scolari, so I stepped away from the process.
Brian Barwick, the FA's chief executive, went out to Portugal to interview Scolari. The media found out and in the frenzy that followed Scolari decided to withdraw his name. The selection panel then decided to go for Steve. I didn't think it was the right time for him. He appointed Terry Venables as his assistant. It was a brave move but I didn't think it was an ideal mix. The two years with Steve in charge didn't really work. I think he would admit now that it was a little too early for him, but he's a talented coach and has proved that with Middlesbrough, FC Twente and, most recently, Derby County.
Failure to qualify for Euro 2008 cost him his job. I was again involved in the process to find his successor. Brian Barwick headed a tight selection panel of just four people. There were few top-class coaches available at the time and we didn't want to be accused of 'poaching'. We considered Arsene Wenger at Arsenal. We liked Jose Mourinho at Chelsea, but he stepped away from the process. Fabio Capello was another with a huge reputation. We thought we should hear what he had to say. He came over to London and we met at Wembley. No one knew about it. He had lost his job at Real Madrid a few months earlier. We liked him and thought he would do a good job. He had an outstanding record and we were happy when he agreed to take over.
He was more of a disciplinarian than Sven. He had rules about diet, time-keeping and mobile phones. It was different to the Sven regime but the players respected him for his track record. Early results were good and as the momentum gathered everyone wanted to be involved. But the early promise faded. England performed poorly in the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, but bounced back with a good run of results in the qualifying campaign for the Euros in 2012.
England were unbeaten in nine matches in 2011 but, sadly, events over which he had little control led him to consider a future elsewhere. He was very much his own man and he resigned as manager when the FA removed the England captaincy from John Terry following allegations made against him of racial abuse.
I liked Fabio very much. He was good to socialise with. He liked a glass of wine and was knowledgeable on a range of subjects from football to art and culture. He had a good sense of humour that few outside his circle of friends would have seen. Ray Clemence and I introduced him to golf, which he grew to enjoy. If he trusted you, he was a good friend.
Like all England managers he was desperate to do well. But he recognised that the pool of English talent was getting smaller each season. I used to tell him that it will improve. I am convinced that it will. If we can maintain our progress in the development of young English players I believe we could win the World Cup again in my lifetime. I wouldn't have said that a decade ago. I've had a full and satisfying 50-year career in football and I'm particularly pleased that I had the opportunity to devote the last decade to the development of young players. The kids are the future. The game goes on and, although I have retired, I'll still feel part of it. Football has been my life but the priority now for Hilkka and me is to enjoy our retirement with our children, Collette and Warren, and our two lovely grandchildren, Harry and Amy.
CAREER STATISTICS
#### SIR TREVOR DAVID BROOKING CBE
Born Barking 2 October 1948. MBE 1981 upgraded to CBE 1999, knighted 2004.
Ilford, London, Essex Boys. England Boys v West Germany 1964. West Ham United apprentice 24 July 1965, professional 2 May 1966. England Youth 1966-67 v West Germany, Scotland (twice), Italy, Spain and Yugoslavia. England Under-23 v Switzerland 1971. Football League XI v Scottish League 1974 (one goal). Full England: 47 caps, 5 goals.
Other honours: FA Cup winner's medals 1975, 1980. Cup Winners' Cup (runners-up) 1976. Football League Cup (runners-up) 1981. Second Division Championship 1981.
Europe: Cup Winners' Cup
Others: *Watney Cup; +Texaco Cup; xCharity Shield (one game); =Anglo–Italian Cup Winner's Cup (2 games); ^Tennent–Caledonian Cup; #Aberdeen Tournament
**England Internationals**
1974 v Portugal, Argentina, East Germany, Bulgaria, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia (sub), Portugal.
1975 v Portugal.
1976 v Wales, Brazil, Italy, Finland, Republic of Ireland, Finland, Italy.
1977 v Holland, Northern Ireland, Wales, Italy (1 goal).
1978 v West Germany, Wales, Scotland (sub), Hungary, Denmark, Republic of Ireland.
1979 v Northern Ireland, Wales (sub), Scotland, Bulgaria, Sweden (sub), Austria, Denmark, Northern Ireland.
1980 v Argentina (sub), Wales, Northern Ireland, Scotland (1), Belgium, Spain (1), Sweden.
1981 v Spain, Romania, Hungary (2), Hungary.
1982 v Scotland, Finland, Spain (sub). Total: 47 caps, 5 goals
Subsequent career: Newcastle Blue Star 1984-85 (1 game), Cork City 1985-86 (2 games), in Australia, Manurewa (New Zealand) (6 games), Havering Nalgo (Brentwood Sunday League).
#### ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I would like to express my sincere thanks and gratitude to the following:
My mum and dad, my brother Tony, my wife Hilkka and our children Collette and Warren;
Ron Greenwood, John Lyall and all my team-mates with West Ham and England;
Michael Hart, a loyal friend for many years, who collaborated in the writing of my autobiography;
Ian Marshall, Lorraine Jerram, Jack Rollin and all the team at Simon & Schuster UK.
I would also like to acknowledge the following publications:
_Yours Sincerely_ by Ron Greenwood (Collins Willow); _Nearly Reached the Sky_ by Steve Blowers (Football World); _Just Like My Dreams_ by John Lyall (Viking); _1966 and All That_ by Geoff Hurst (Headline); _Trevor Brooking: An Autobiography_ by Trevor Brooking (Pelham); _West Ham: The Elite Era_ by John Helliar (Desert Island Books); _West Ham United: The Making of a Football Club_ by Charles Korr (Duckworth); _Rothmans/Sky Sports Football Yearbook_ – various editions (Queen Anne Press/Headline).
#### INDEX
Abou, Samassi, ref1
Abramovich, Roman, ref1
AC Milan, ref1, ref2, ref3
Adams, Tony, ref1
Agnew, Jonathan, ref1
Ajax FC, ref1
Al-Ahly FC, ref1
Al-Nassr FC, ref1
Albertsen, Roger, ref1
Alcock, Paul, ref1
Aldershot FC, ref1
Aldinger, Heinz, ref1
Aldridge, Paul, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Alexandersson, Niclas, ref1
Ali, Muhammad, ref1, ref2
Allardyce, Sam, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Allen, Martin, ref1
Allen, Paul, ref1, ref2, ref3
Allen, Ronnie, ref1, ref2
Alliss, Peter, ref1
Anderlecht FC, ref1, ref2
Anderson, Viv, ref1, ref2
Andrews, Eamonn, ref1
Anelka, Nicolas, ref1
Anfield Road, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Antognoni, Giancarlo, ref1
Ararat Yerevan FC, ref1, ref2
Arconada, Luis, ref1
Ardiles, Ossie, ref1, ref2, ref3
Arlott, John, ref1
Armfield, Jimmy, ref1
Armstrong, Paul, ref1
Arsenal FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36
League Cup win, ref1
Ashworth, Dan, ref1
Aston Villa FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
Athletic Bilbao, ref1, ref2
Atkinson, Ron, ref1
Ayresome Park, ref1
Bailey, Gary, ref1
Bailey, Trevor, ref1
Baily, Eddie, ref1, ref2
Ball, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Baltimore Orioles, ref1
Banik Ostrava FC, ref1
Banks, Gordon, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Barcelona FC, ref1, ref2
Barclays, ref1, ref2
Barkley, Ross, ref1, ref2
Barnes, Bobby, ref1
Barnes, John, ref1, ref2
Barnes, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Barnet FC, ref1
Barnsley FC, ref1
Barnwell, John, ref1
Barrett, 'Big' Jim, ref1
Barrett, Jimmy Jr, ref1, ref2
Barwick, Brian, ref1
baseball, ref1
Baxter, Stanley, ref1
Bayern Munich FC, ref1, ref2
BBC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22
Beal, Cornelius, ref1
Beal, Phil, ref1
Beardsley, Peter, ref1
Bearzot, Enzo, ref1
Beatles, ref1
Beattie, Kevin, ref1, ref2
Beaverbrook, Lord, ref1
Beckenbauer, Franz, ref1, ref2
Beckham, David, ref1, ref2
Bell, Colin, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Benaud, Richie, ref1
Benetti, Romeo, ref1, ref2
Benfica, ref1
Benjamin, Trevor, ref1
Bennett, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3
Berahino, Saido, ref1
Berkovic, Eyal, ref1, ref2
Bernabeu, ref1, ref2
Bernal, Miguel, ref1
Bernstein, David, ref1
Bertoni, Daniel, ref1
Best, Clyde, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
MBE awarded to, ref1
Best, George, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Bettega, Roberto ('White Feather'), ref1
Biblical Flood, ref1
Bilic, Slaven, ref1
Bingham, Billy, ref1
Birmingham City FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Birtles, Garry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Bishop, Ian, ref1
Blackburn Rovers FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Blackpool FC, ref1, ref2
Blanchflower, Danny, ref1
Blatter, Sepp, ref1
Blissett, Luther, ref1
Blitz, ref1
Blofeld, Henry, ref1
Bloomfield Road, ref1
Blower, Brian, ref1
Blowers, Steve, ref1
Bo Larsen, Claus, ref1
Boleyn Ground, ref1, ref2, ref3
Boli, Basile, ref1
Bolton Wanderers FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Bond, John, ref1
Bonds, Billy, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26
injuries of, ref1
resignation of, ref1
Bonetti, Peter, ref1
Bonhof, Rainer, ref1
Boogers, Marco, ref1
Boog's Barbecue, ref1
Borussia Dortmund FC, ref1
Boundary Park, ref1
Bournemouth FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Bovington, Eddie, ref1, ref2
Bowles, Stan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Bowyer, Ian, ref1
Bowyer, Lee, ref1
boxing, ref1, ref2
Boyce, Ronnie, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
as cricketer, ref1
Boycott, Geoff, ref1
Boyer, Phil, ref1, ref2
Brabrook, Peter, ref1, ref2
Bradford City FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Brady, Liam, ref1, ref2, ref3
Bramall Lane, ref1
Bremner, Billy, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Brentford FC, ref1
Brentwood Town FC, ref1, ref2
Brevett, Rufus, ref1, ref2, ref3
Brighton & Hove Albion FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Brisbane Road, ref1
Bristol City FC, ref1
Bristol Rovers FC, ref1
Brooking, Amy (granddaughter), ref1, ref2
Brooking, Collette (daughter), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref70
Brooking, Harry (grandson), ref1, ref2
Brooking, Henry 'Harry' (father), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
death of, ref1
football skills of, ref1
war injury of, ref1
Brooking, Hilkka (wife), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
11th wedding anniversary of, ref1
Brooking marries, ref1
Brooking's first date with, ref1
and mother's death, ref1
Brooking, Margaret (mother), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
death of, ref1
Brooking, Ritva (sister-in-law), ref1
Brooking, Tony (brother), ref1, ref2, ref3
Ritva marries, ref1
Brooking, Trevor, ref1, ref2
11-plus passed by, ref1
11th wedding anniversary of, ref1
alcohol aversion of, ref1
BBC career of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
birth of, ref1, ref2
boyhood dream of, ref1
brother best man to, ref1
career ambitions of, ref1, ref2
career-defining moment of, ref1
changing fortunes of, ref1
childhood of, ref1
Clough apologises to, ref1
Clough publicly criticises, ref1
coaching course undertaken by, ref1
credibility factor of, ref1
'Cyril' sobriquet of, ref1
early football experiences of, ref1, ref2
early years of, ref1
exam qualifications attained by, ref1, ref2
at the FA, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
FA approaches, ref1
fans of, ref1
and fitness training, ref1
as football apprentice, ref1, ref2
football early experiences of, ref1
football retirement of, ref1, ref2
greatest career memory of, ref1
Hammer of the Year, ref1, ref2, ref3
hat-trick of, ref1
Hilkka marries, ref1
Hilkka's first date with, ref1
ill health of, ref1
injuries of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
leaves West Ham, ref1
MBE awarded to, ref1, ref2, ref3
old-fashioned attitudes of, ref1
passes driving test, ref1
PFA supports, ref1
professional football debut of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
schooling of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
sidelining of, ref1, ref2, ref3
soccer schools run by, ref1
at Sports Council, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
testimonial match of, ref1
Thatcher meets, ref1
TV career of, ref1
vacations taken by, ref1
voted Hammer of the Year, ref1, ref2
West Ham contract dispute of, ref1
West Ham inspired by, ref1
as West Ham manager, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
as West Ham non-executive director, ref1, ref2
Brooking, Warren (son), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
as match-day mascot, ref1
Brown, Craig, ref1
Brown, Drew ('Bundini'), ref1
Brown, Isaiah, ref1
Brown, Ken Sr, ref1
Brown, Kenny, ref1
Brown, Terry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Brown, Tony, ref1
_Bubbles_ , ref1
Buchan, Martin, ref1
Bundesliga, ref1
Burkett, Jack, ref1
Burnley FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Burns, Ken, ref1
Bury FC, ref1
Busby Babes, ref1
Busby, Matt, ref1, ref2
Butcher, Terry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Butland, Jack, ref1
Butler, Bryon, ref1, ref2
Butt, Nicky, ref1
Byrne, Johnny, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Caborn, Richard, ref1
Callaghan, Ian, ref1, ref2, ref3
Camara, Titi, ref1, ref2, ref3
Cambridge, Duke and Duchess, ref1
Campbell, Sol, ref1, ref2
Cantona, Eric, ref1
Cantwell, Noel, ref1
Capello, Fabio, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Carling Cup, ref1, ref2, ref3
Carpenter, Harry, ref1
Carr, Tony, ref1, ref2
Carragher, Jamie, ref1
Carrick, Michael, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Carroll, Andy, ref1
Cartwright, John, ref1
Case, Jimmy, ref1
Castilla FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Caton, Tommy, ref1
Causio, Franco, ref1, ref2
Cearns, Brian, ref1
Cearns, J.W.Y., ref1
Cearns, Len, ref1, ref2
Cearns, Martin, ref1, ref2
Celtic FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Cesar, Paulo, ref1
Ceulemans, Jan, ref1
Chadwell Heath, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Chamberlain, Mark, ref1
Champions League, ref1, ref2, ref3
Channon, Mick, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13
Charity Shield, ref1, ref2, ref3
_see also_ Community Shield
Charles, Gary, ref1
Charles, John, ref1
Charlton Athletic FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Charlton, Bobby, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Charlton, Jack, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Charter for Quality, ref1
Chelsea FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34
Cherry, Trevor, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Chicken Run, ref1
Chinaglia, Giorgio, ref1
Chivadze, Aleksandr, ref1
Churchill, Winston, ref1
Cisse, Edouard, ref1, ref2, ref3
City of Manchester Stadium, ref1, ref2
Clark, Frank, ref1, ref2
Clarke, Allan, ref1, ref2, ref3
Clarke, Mr (teacher), ref1
Clemence, Ray, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15
Clement, Dave, ref1, ref2, ref3
Cleveland Indians, ref1
Clough, Brian, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Brighton FC sues, ref1
Brooking admires, ref1
Brooking publicly criticised by, ref1
as Leeds manager, ref1
'people's choice' as England manager, ref1
Coca-Cola Cup, ref1
Cocker, Les, ref1, ref2, ref3
Coe, Sebastian, ref1, ref2
Coeck, Ludo, ref1
Colbrook, ref1
Colchester FC, ref1
Cole, Ashley, ref1
Cole, Joe, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13
Coleman, David, ref1
Collins, Bobby, ref1, ref2
Community Shield, ref1
Connolly, David, ref1, ref2, ref3
Cooper, Henry, ref1
Cooper, Terry, ref1, ref2
Coppell, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18
Corinthian Casuals, ref1
Corrigan, Joe, ref1, ref2, ref3
Cottee, Tony, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Cotterill, Steve, ref1
Courtney, George, ref1
Coutinho, Claudio, ref1
Coventry City FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Craggs, John, ref1
Craven Cottage, ref1, ref2
Crerand, Paddy, ref1
Crewe Alexandra FC, ref1, ref2
cricket, ref1
Croker, Ted, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Crooks, Garth, ref1
Crosby, Gary, ref1
Cross, David, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Cross, Roger, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Cruyff, Johan, ref1, ref2
Crystal Palace FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
'Team of the Eighties', ref1
Culture Department, ref1
Cunningham, Laurie, ref1, ref2
Curbishley, Alan, ref1, ref2
Currie, Tony, ref1, ref2
Cushley, John, ref1, ref2
_Dad's Army_ , ref1, ref2
Dailly, Christian, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
_Daily Express_ , ref1, ref2
_Daily Mail_ , ref1
_Daily Mirror_ , ref1
_Daily Telegraph_ , ref1
Dalglish, Kenny, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Daraselia, Vitali, ref1
Davenport, Peter, ref1
Davies, Barry, ref1, ref2, ref3
Davies, David, ref1
Davies, Wyn, ref1
Day, Mervyn, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Dean Court, ref1
Deane, Brian, ref1
Dear, Brian, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
clubs' risk-averse attitude towards, ref1
as cricketer, ref1
dismissal of, ref1
Deepdale, ref1
Defoe, Jermain, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13
Dein, David, ref1, ref2
Den Haag FC, ref1
Derby County FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
'derby' fixtures, ref1, ref2
Devonshire, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Di Canio, Paolo, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
Di Stefano, Alfredo, ref1
Diana, Princess of Wales, ref1
Dick, Johnny, ref1
Dickens, Alan, ref1
Dicks, Julian, ref1, ref2, ref3
Dillon, Kevin, ref1
Dinamo Tbilisi FC, ref1
Dixon, Kerry, ref1
Dixon, Lee, ref1
Dobson, Martin, ref1, ref2
Docherty, Tommy, ref1, ref2
Donaghy, Mal, ref1
Dougan, Derek, ref1, ref2
Dowie, Iain, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Downing Street, ref1
Doyle, Mike, ref1, ref2
Draper, Mark, ref1
Dulwich Hamlet, ref1
Dumitrescu, Ilie, ref1
Dundee United FC, ref1
Dyke, Greg, ref1
Earnshaw, Robert, ref1
East Ham Town Hall, ref1
Eastham, George, ref1
Eden, Anthony, ref1
Edwards, Jonathan, ref1
Edwards, Vernon ('Doc'), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Eintracht Frankfurt FC, ref1
Elite Player Performance Plan, ref1, ref2
Elizabeth II, Queen, ref1
Elland Road, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
England B team, ref1, ref2
England, Mike, ref1
England national side:
World Cup 1966 won by, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18
World Cup 2014 exit of, ref1
World Cup exile of, ref1, ref2
_see also_ World Cup
England Schoolboys FC, ref1, ref2
England Under-21 team, ref1
England XI, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
English League, ref1
English Schools Trophy, ref1
English Shield, ref1
Eriksson, Sven-Goran, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Essex, ref1
Essex Schools team, ref1, ref2
Estadio Jose Alvalade, ref1
Etherington, Matthew, ref1, ref2
Etihad Stadium, ref1
European Championship, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
1974, ref1
1976, ref1, ref2, ref3
1980, ref1, ref2
1984, ref1
2008, ref1, ref2, ref3
2012, ref1
2016, ref1, ref2
2020, ref1
European Cup Winners' Cup, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25
1965–66, ref1
1975–76, ref1
and football hooliganism, ref1
European Fairs Cup, ref1
European Footballer of the Year, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
European Super League, ref1
European Youth Championship, ref1
Eusebio, ref1
Eustace, Peter, ref1
Evans, Alun, ref1
_Evening Standard_ , ref1
Everton FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
Ewood Park, ref1
FA Amateur Cup, ref1
FA Centre of Excellence, ref1
FA Charity Shield, ref1, ref2, ref3
FA Cup, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25
1964, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
1970, ref1
1975, ref1
1978-79, ref1
1980, ref1, ref2
1990, ref1
'cup curse', ref1
iconic nature of, ref1
inauguration of, ref1
FA Youth Cup, ref1, ref2, ref3
Facchetti, Giacinto, ref1
Fagan, Joe, ref1
Fair Play Award, ref1
Fairclough, Chris, ref1
Fairclough, David, ref1
Falklands War, ref1
FC Cologne, ref1, ref2
FC Metz, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Fenton, Ted, ref1, ref2
Ferdinand, Les, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
'Sir Les' sobriquet of, ref1, ref2
Ferdinand, Rio, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Ferguson, Alex, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Ferguson, Bobby, ref1
Feyenoord FC, ref1, ref2
Field Mill, ref1
FIFA, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Filbert Street, ref1, ref2
Fiorentina FC, ref1
Fischer, Klaus, ref1
Fleet Street, ref1, ref2, ref3
Foinavon, ref1
Follows, Denis, ref1, ref2
Foot Pass, ref1
football, ref1
Under-11s, ref1
Under-16s, ref1
Under-17s, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Under-18s, ref1
Under-21s, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Under-23s, ref1
audit of, ref1
Brooking's early experiences of, ref1, ref2
commercial aspect of, ref1
cricket overlap with, ref1
development of, ref1
fans of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27
friendly matches, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
hooliganism, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
millionaires, ref1
oldest international fixture, ref1
press and, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
'professional foul', ref1
psychology of, ref1, ref2
rule changes to, ref1
salaries and transfer fees, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29
and social media, ref1, ref2, ref3
training and dieting, ref1
'transfer windows', ref1, ref2, ref3
TV coverage of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21
and the unemployed, ref1
wages, ref1
youth, ref1, ref2
Football Association (FA), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16
1963 centenary match, ref1
appoints Revie as England manager, ref1, ref2
Brooking approached by, ref1, ref2, ref3
discipline administered by, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
founding of, ref1
Governance Division, ref1
International Committee, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
national training centre, ref1
Ramsey sacked by, ref1, ref2
Revie banned by, ref1
Football Combination, ref1
Football League, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
Footballer of the Year, ref1, ref2
Fossen, Tor, ref1
Foster, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3
'four-corner' model, ref1
Fowler, Robbie, ref1
Francis, Gerry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Francis, Trevor, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Fulham FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
Futre, Paulo, ref1
Gale, Tony, ref1
Gallas, William, ref1
Garaba, Imre, ref1, ref2
Garcia, Richard, ref1
Gascoigne, Paul, ref1
Gates, Eric, ref1
Gentile, Claudio, ref1
Gento, Paco, ref1
George, Charlie, ref1, ref2
George VI, ref1
Gerrard, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3
Gidman, John, ref1
Giggs, Ryan, ref1
Giles, Johnny, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Gillard, Ian, ref1
Gillingham FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Glockner, Rudi, ref1
Glozier, Bob, ref1
Goal of the Season, ref1, ref2
Goddard, Howard, ref1
Goddard, Paul, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Gold, David, ref1
Golden Egg, ref1
Golden Player of the Tournament, ref1
Goodison Park, ref1, ref2
Gould, Bobby, ref1, ref2
Grabowski, Jürgen, ref1
Graham, George, ref1, ref2, ref3
Grand National, ref1
Gray, Eddie, ref1
Graziani, Francesco, ref1
Grealish, Tony, ref1
Great Train Robbery, ref1
Greaves, Jimmy, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Green, Alan, ref1
Green, Tony, ref1
Greenhoff, Brian, ref1, ref2, ref3
Greenwood, Lucy, ref1
Greenwood, Ron, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36, ref37, ref38, ref39, ref40, ref41
autobiography of, ref1
Brooking given advice by, ref1
Clough offered job of England Youth coach by, ref1
death of, ref1
as England manager, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5 _passim_ , ref1 _passim_ , ref1, ref2
playing career of, ref1
press turn on, ref1
retirement of, ref1, ref2, ref3
scouting roll of, ref1, ref2
Gregory, Ernie, ref1, ref2, ref3
Griffiths, Arfon, ref1
Gudmundsson, Bjorgolfur, ref1
Gullit, Ruud, ref1
Gunn, Bryn, ref1
Hackett, Keith, ref1
Hainault Forest, ref1
Hales, Derek, ref1
Hammam, Sam, ref1
Hammer of the Year, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Hampden Park, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Hansen, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Hardaker, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Hardy, Thomas, ref1
Harewood, Marlon, ref1
Harford, Ray, ref1, ref2
Harris, Gordon, ref1
Harris, John, ref1
Harris, Ronnie, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Hart, Paul, ref1
Hartford, Asa, ref1
Hartson, John, ref1, ref2, ref3
Hasselbaink, Jimmy Floyd, ref1, ref2
Hawthorns, ref1, ref2, ref3
Haynes, Johnny, ref1, ref2
Heath, Edward, ref1
Hector, Kevin, ref1
Helsinki Olympic Stadium, ref1
Henderson, Billy, ref1
Henry, Thierry, ref1, ref2
Hereford FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Heskey, Emile, ref1
Heysel Stadium, ref1, ref2
Highbury Park, ref1
Highfield Road, ref1, ref2
Hill, Gordon, ref1, ref2
Hill, Jimmy, ref1, ref2, ref3
Hills, Arnold F., ref1, ref2
Hillsborough, ref1, ref2
Hilton, Paul, ref1
Ho Chi Minh trail, ref1
Hoddle, Glenn, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
Hodge, Martin, ref1
Hodgson, Roy, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Hoey, Kate, ref1
Holland, Pat ('Patsy'), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Home Championship Series, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Home International Series, ref1, ref2, ref3
Hong Kong Festival, ref1
Howe, Bobby, ref1
Howe, Don, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Huddersfield Town FC, ref1, ref2
Hudson, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Huffton, Ted, ref1
Hughes, Emlyn, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
Hull City FC, ref1, ref2
Hunter, Allan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Hunter, Norman, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Hurst, Geoff, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25
as cricketer, ref1
hat-trick of, ref1
Hutchison, Don, ref1, ref2, ref3
Ilford County High School, ref1, ref2
'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles', ref1, ref2
Ince, Paul, ref1
Ingham, Mike, ref1
Inter Milan FC, ref1
Intertoto Cup, ref1
Ipswich Town FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20
League Cup win, ref1
Iron Curtain, ref1, ref2
Isthmian League, ref1
ITV, ref1
Ives, Mark, ref1
Jacklin, Tony, ref1
James, David, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
James, Leighton, ref1
Jenkins, Bill, ref1
Jenkins, Rob, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Jennings, Billy, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Jennings, Pat, ref1, ref2
Joe Mercer Way, ref1
John, Elton, ref1
Johnson, David, ref1, ref2
Johnson, Glen, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Johnston, Brian, ref1
Jokerit FC, ref1
Jones, Alan, ref1
Jones, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Jordan, Joe, ref1
Jules Rimet Trophy, ref1, ref2
Juventus FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Kanoute, Fredi, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Karlsruher FC, ref1
Kay, George, ref1
Keeble, Vic, ref1
Keegan, Kevin, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24 _passim_ , ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
complex nature of, ref1
as England manager, ref1, ref2
global stardom of, ref1
as Newcastle manager, ref1
OBE awarded to, ref1
retirement of, ref1
as talismanic figure, ref1
Keeley, Ray, ref1
Keller, Marc, ref1
Kember, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3
Kempes, Mario, ref1
Kendall, Howard, ref1
Kennedy, Alan, ref1
Kennedy, Ray, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Keown, Martin, ref1
Kernan-Staines, Emma, ref1
Kidd, Brian, ref1, ref2, ref3
King, Andy, ref1
Kinnear, Joe, ref1
Kipiani, David, ref1
Kitson, Paul, ref1
Klinsmann, Jurgen, ref1
Korr, Charles, ref1
Krol, Ruud, ref1, ref2
LA Dodgers, ref1
Lahden Reipas FC, ref1
Lampard, Frank Jr, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Lampard, Frank Sr, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15
500th league appearance of, ref1
Lancaster Gate, ref1
'Land of Hope and Glory', ref1, ref2
Latchford, Bob, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Law, Denis, ref1, ref2
Lawrence, Ken, ref1
Lawrenson, Mark, ref1, ref2, ref3
Laws of the Game, ref1, ref2
Lazio FC, ref1
League Cup, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17
League Managers' Association, ref1
Lee, Francis, ref1
Lee, Sammy, ref1, ref2
Leeds United FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26
Leicester City FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
Leyton Orient FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Lillelien, Bjorge, ref1
Lilleshall, ref1
Lindsay, Alec, ref1
Lindsay, Jimmy, ref1, ref2
Lineker, Gary, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
TV career of, ref1
Liston, Sonny, ref1
Littbarski, Pierre, ref1
Little, Brian, ref1
Little World Cup, ref1
Littlewoods Cup, ref1, ref2
Liverpool FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36, ref37, ref38, ref39
golden era of, ref1
Liverpool University, ref1
Lloyd, Barry, ref1
Lloyd, Larry, ref1
Lock, Kevin, ref1
Lomas, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3
London Ballet, ref1
London, Brian, ref1
London Colney, ref1
_London Evening News_ , ref1
London Schools team, ref1, ref2
Lord, Cyril, ref1
Lorimer, Peter, ref1, ref2
LuaLua, Lomana, ref1
Luke, George, ref1
Lund, Tommy, ref1
Luton Town FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Lutton, Bertie, ref1
Lyall, John, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27
sacking of, ref1
Lynam, Des, ref1, ref2
Macari, Lou, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
McAvennie, Frank, ref1, ref2, ref3
McClaren, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
McDermott, Terry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Macdonald, Malcolm, ref1, ref2, ref3
McDowell, John, ref1
McEachran, Josh, ref1
McFarland, Roy, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
McGhee, Mark, ref1
McGiven, Mick, ref1
McGrain, Danny, ref1
McIlroy, Jimmy, ref1
McMenemy, Lawrie, ref1
McNab, Bob, ref1
McNaught, Ken, ref1
McNeil, Dixie, ref1
McNeill, Billy, ref1
McQueen, Gordon, ref1
Madejski, John, ref1, ref2
Madeley, Paul, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Maine Road, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Manchester City FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23
Manchester United FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32
Carrington training ground, ref1
in Munich air disaster, ref1
relegation of, ref1
Mancini, Terry, ref1
Mansfield United FC, ref1, ref2
Maracana Stadium, ref1
Maradona, Diego, ref1, ref2
Mariner, Paul, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Marsh, Rodney, ref1, ref2
Martin, Alvin, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Maskell, Dan, ref1
_Match of the Day_ , ref1, ref2
Mazzola, Sandro, ref1
Mee, Bertie, ref1
Megson, Gary, ref1
Mellor, Neil, ref1, ref2, ref3
Mellor, Peter, ref1
Memorial Ground, ref1
Mercer, Joe, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
death of, ref1
'genial Joe' sobriquet of, ref1
OBE awarded to, ref1
road named after, ref1
Metropolitan League, ref1, ref2
Middlesbrough FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
Miklosko, Ludo, ref1, ref2, ref3
Milk Cup, ref1, ref2
Millais, ref1
Millennium Stadium, ref1
Millichip, Birt, ref1
Millmoor, ref1, ref2
Mills, Gary, ref1
Mills, Mick, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Millwall FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Milne, Gordon, ref1
Minto, Scott, ref1
Mitchell, John, ref1
Molineux Stadium, ref1
Moncur, Bobby, ref1
Moore, Billy, ref1
Moore, Bobby, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36, ref37
as cricketer, ref1
death of, ref1
'golden boy' status of, ref1
injuries of, ref1
stand named after, ref1, ref2
Moore, Brian, ref1
Moore, Dot, ref1
Moore, Tina, ref1
Moreno, Jaime, ref1
Morgan, Willie, ref1, ref2
Morley, Tony, ref1, ref2, ref3
Morley, Trevor, ref1
Mortimer, Dennis, ref1
Moscow Dynamo FC, ref1
Motson, John, ref1
Mourinho, Jose, ref1
Moyes, David, ref1
Muhren, Arnold, ref1
Muller, Gerd, ref1, ref2
Mullery, Alan, ref1, ref2
Mullins, Hayden, ref1
Munich air disaster, ref1
Murphy, Danny, ref1
Murray, Billy 'Bubbles', ref1
Naylor, Tommy, ref1
Neal, John, ref1
Neal, Phil, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
_Nearly Reached the Sky_ (Blowers), ref1
Neeskens, Johan, ref1, ref2
Neighbour, Jimmy, ref1
Neill, Terry, ref1, ref2
Nelson, Lord, ref1
Nep Stadium, ref1, ref2
Neville, Gary, ref1, ref2, ref3
Nevin, Pat, ref1
Newcastle United FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18
Keegan manager of, ref1
Newport County FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Nicholson, Bill, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Ninian Park, ref1, ref2, ref3
NK Osijek, ref1
Noah's Ark, ref1
Norwich City FC, ref1
Nottingham Forrest FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17
Notts County FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Nyilasi, Tibor, ref1
OFK Belgrade FC, ref1
O'Hare, John, ref1
Okocha, Jay-Jay, ref1
Old Trafford, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Oldham FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
O'Leary, David, ref1, ref2
Olympic Games, London 2012, ref1
Olympic Stadium, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Omoyinmi, Manny, ref1
O'Neil, Brian, ref1
O'Neill, Martin, ref1
Onomah, Josh, ref1
Ormand, Willie, ref1
Osgood, Peter, ref1
Osman, Russell, ref1, ref2, ref3
O'Sullevan, Peter, ref1
O'Sullivan, Ronnie, ref1
Owen, Mark, ref1
Owen, Michael, ref1
Oxlade-Chamberlain, Alex, ref1
Paddon, Graham, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Paine, Terry, ref1
Paisley, Bob, ref1
Palios, Mark, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Pallister, Gary, ref1
Pallister, Tom, ref1
Parc Astrid, ref1
Pardew, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Paris St Germain FC, ref1
Parkes, Phil, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15
Parris, George, ref1
Passarella, Daniel, ref1, ref2
Paynter, Charlie, ref1
Peacock, John, ref1
Pearce, Ian, ref1, ref2
Pearce, Stuart, ref1, ref2, ref3
Pearson, Stuart, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
Pejic, Mike, ref1
Pele, ref1, ref2
Perryman, Steve, ref1, ref2, ref3
Petchey, Jack, ref1
Peters, Martin, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17
Peters, Steve, ref1, ref2
Petit, Emmanuel, ref1
PFA, ref1, ref2
Pike, Geoff, ref1, ref2, ref3
Platini, Michel, ref1, ref2
Platt, David, ref1
Playmodel London Ballet, ref1
Pleat, David, ref1
Plymouth Argyle, ref1
Politehnica Timisoara FC, ref1
Porfirio, Hugo, ref1
Portman Road, ref1
Portsmouth FC, ref1
Powell, 'Boog', ref1
Pratt, Reg, ref1, ref2, ref3
Presland, Eddie, ref1
Preston North End FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Priestfield Stadium, ref1
Professional Footballers' Association (PFA), ref1
Puskas, Ferenc, ref1, ref2
Queen's Birthday Honours List, ref1
Queens Park Rangers (QPR) FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17
Racecourse Ground, ref1
Radenkovic, Petar, ref1
Radford, John, ref1
Radio 5 Live, ref1, ref2, ref3
Raducioiu, Florin, ref1
Railton, Vic, ref1
Ramsey, Alf, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17
playing career of, ref1
sacked as England manager, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Ramsey, Lady, ref1
Ranieri, Claudio, ref1, ref2, ref3
Rattin, Antonio, ref1
Reading FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Real Madrid FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Reddin, Dave, ref1
Redfearn, Neil, ref1
Redknapp, Harry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20
leaves West Ham, ref1
Redknapp, Jamie, ref1, ref2
Redrobe, Eric, ref1
Reebok Stadium, ref1
Reed, Les, ref1, ref2
Reeves, Peter, ref1
Regis, Cyrille, ref1, ref2, ref3
Rensenbrink, Robbie, ref1, ref2
Rep, Johnny, ref1
Repka, Tomas, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Revie, Don, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
death of, ref1
as England manager, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
football success of, ref1
as Leeds manager, ref1
media courted by, ref1
players sidelined by, ref1, ref2, ref3
press attack of, ref1, ref2
resigns as England manager, ref1, ref2, ref3
Rice, Pat, ref1
Richards, Dave, ref1
Richards, John, ref1
Rieper, Marc, ref1
Rijsbergen, Wim, ref1
Rimet, Jules, ref1, ref2
Rimmer, Jimmy, ref1
Ripple School, ref1, ref2
Rivelino, Roberto, ref1, ref2
Rivera, Gianni, ref1
Rix, Graham, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
_Robbery_ , ref1
Roberts, Dudley, ref1
Roberts, Graham, ref1
Roberts, Patrick, ref1
Robson, Bobby, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
as England manager, ref1
Robson, Bryan ('Pop'), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Robson, Bryan, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
Robson, Keith, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Robson, Stewart, ref1, ref2
Robson, Thomas, ref1
Roca, Francisco, ref1
Rochdale FC, ref1, ref2
Rodrigues, Rui, ref1
Roeder, Faith, ref1
Roeder, Glenn, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16
ill health of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
sacking of, ref1, ref2
Rogers, Don, ref1
Roker Park, ref1, ref2
Romford FC, ref1
Rooney, Wayne, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Roper, Brian, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Ross, Trevor, ref1
Rotherham United FC, ref1
Rous, Stanley, ref1
Roy, Bryan, ref1
Roy of the Rovers, ref1
Royal London Hospital, ref1
Royle, Joe, ref1, ref2
Ruffell, Jimmy, ref1
Rugby World Cup (2003), ref1
Rummenigge, Karl-Heinz, ref1
Rushden & Diamonds FC, ref1
Sampdoria FC, ref1
San Mames Stadium, ref1, ref2, ref3
Sansom, Kenny, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Schemmel, Sebastien, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Schengeliya, Ramaz, ref1
Schmeichel, Peter, ref1
Schoen, Helmut, ref1
Schoenmaker, Lex, ref1
Scholes, Paul, ref1, ref2
Schwarz, Stefan, ref1
Scolari, Luiz Felipe ('Big Phil'), ref1
Scottish FA, ref1
Scullion, Stewart, ref1
Scunthorpe United FC, ref1
Sealey, Alan ('Sammy the Seal'), ref1, ref2
as cricketer, ref1
injury of, ref1
Second World War, ref1, ref2, ref3
Seel, Colin, ref1
Seeler, Uwe, ref1
Selhurst Park, ref1
Sexton, Dave, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Shankly, Bill, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Shanks, Don, ref1
Sharkey, Dominic, ref1
Shaw, Gary, ref1
Shaw, Luke, ref1, ref2
Shearer, Alan, ref1
Sheffield United FC, ref1, ref2
Sheffield Wednesday FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Shilton, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
'Shilts' sobriquet of, ref1, ref2
Shipperley, Neil, ref1
Shreeves, Peter, ref1, ref2
Simpson, Peter, ref1
Sinclair, Trevor, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Sissons, John, ref1, ref2
Sky, ref1, ref2, ref3
Slater, Stuart, ref1
Small, Mike, ref1
Smith, Tommy, ref1, ref2
Sofiane, Youssef, ref1
Soho Square, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Solanke, Dominic, ref1
Soma, Ragnvald, ref1, ref2
Somerton Park, ref1
Song, Rigobert, ref1, ref2
Souness, Graeme, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
South-East Essex Technical College, ref1
Southall, Neville, ref1
Southampton FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Southern League, ref1, ref2, ref3
Southgate, Gareth, ref1
Spanish Second Division, ref1
Sparta Rotterdam, ref1
Speedie, David, ref1
Spiegler, Mordechai, ref1, ref2
Spiller, Danny, ref1
Sport England, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Sports Council, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
sports science, ref1
_Sportsview_ , ref1
St George's Park, ref1, ref2, ref3
St James' Park, ref1, ref2
St Mirren FC, ref1
St Pier, Wally, ref1, ref2
Stadio Communale, ref1
Stamford Bridge, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Standen, Jim, ref1
Statham, Derek, ref1
Status Quo, ref1
Steaua Bucharest, ref1
Steinbergs, Ges, ref1
Stephenson, Alan, ref1, ref2, ref3
Sterling, Raheem, ref1
Stewart, Ray, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
Stewart, Rod, ref1
Stielike, Uli, ref1
Stiles, Nobby, ref1, ref2
Stock, Alec, ref1
Stockport County FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Stoke City FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Stokoe, Bob, ref1
Storey, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3
Storrie, Peter, ref1, ref2
Street, Fred, ref1
Sturridge, Daniel, ref1
Suarez, Luis, ref1
Sullivan, David, ref1
_Sunday Express_ , ref1
Sunderland FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
Suubier, Wim, ref1
SV Hamburg FC, ref1, ref2
Swansea City FC, ref1, ref2
Swindon Town FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Talbot, Brian, ref1, ref2, ref3
Tarantini, Alberto, ref1
Tardelli, Marco, ref1, ref2, ref3
Taylor, Alan ('Sparrow'), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Taylor, Bill, ref1, ref2, ref3
Taylor, Graham, ref1, ref2
Taylor, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3
as acting England manager, ref1
Taylor Report, ref1, ref2
Taylor, Tommy, ref1, ref2, ref3
Team America, ref1, ref2
Telford FC, ref1
Terry, John, ref1, ref2
Tesco, ref1
Thames Ironworks, ref1, ref2
Thatcher, Margaret, ref1, ref2
Thomas, Clive, ref1
Thomas, David, ref1
Thompson, Howard, ref1
Thompson, Jimmy, ref1
Thompson, Phil, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Thoresen, Hallvar, ref1
_Tiger_ , ref1
Todd, Colin, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Todorov, Svetoslav, ref1, ref2
Tomaszewski, Jan, ref1
_Top of the Pops_ , ref1
Torino FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Total Football, ref1, ref2
Toth, Jozsef, ref1, ref2
Tottenham Hotspur FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36, ref37
'derby' fixture of, ref1
Nicholson quits, ref1, ref2
Towers, Tony, ref1
Tranmere Rovers FC, ref1, ref2
TSV Munich 1860 FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Tueart, Dennis, ref1, ref2
Turf Moor, ref1, ref2
Turner, Jack, ref1
Twente FC, ref1
Twitter, ref1, ref2, ref3
Tyler, Dudley, ref1
UEFA, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Ullevaal Stadium, ref1
United Arab Emirates (UAE), ref1, ref2, ref3
Upney Lane Hospital, ref1
Upton Park:
Bobby Moore Stand, ref1, ref2
Brooking leaves, ref1
Centenary Stand, ref1
Chicken Run at, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
new East Terrace of, ref1
West Stand, ref1
US Bicentennial Tournament, ref1
US Open, ref1
Valencia FC, ref1
van de Kerkhof, Rene, ref1
Van der Elst, Francois, ref1, ref2
Vassell, Darius, ref1
VE Day, ref1
Venables, Terry, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Viljoen, Colin, ref1, ref2
Villa Park, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Villa, Ricky, ref1
Waddle, Chris, ref1
Wade, Allen, ref1, ref2, ref3
Walker, Des, ref1
Walker, Dick, ref1
Waring, Eddie, ref1
Wark, John, ref1
Warton, Vic, ref1
Waterford FC, ref1
Watford FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6
Watson, Dave, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9
Watson, Peter, ref1
Webb, David, ref1, ref2
Weller, Keith, ref1, ref2
Welsh FA Centenary, ref1
Wembley Stadium, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36, ref37, ref38, ref39, ref40, ref41, ref42, ref43, ref44, ref45, ref46, ref47, ref48, ref49, ref50
Wenger, Arsene, ref1, ref2
Went, Paul, ref1
Werder Bremen FC, ref1
West Bromwich Albion FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14
West Ham United FC ('Hammers'), ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18, ref19, ref20, ref21, ref22, ref23, ref24, ref25, ref26, ref27, ref28, ref29, ref30, ref31, ref32, ref33, ref34, ref35, ref36, ref37, ref38, ref39, ref40, ref41, ref42, ref43, ref44, ref45, ref46, ref47
1964 FA Cup, ref1
1967–68 season, ref1
in 1975–76 Cup Winners' Cup, ref1
1977–78 season of, ref1
1978 relegation of, ref1
anthem, ref1, ref2
board of directors, ref1
Brooking as manager of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Brooking inspires, ref1
Brooking leaves, ref1
Brooking's contract dispute with, ref1
Brooking's defining moment at, ref1
Brooking's testimonial match of, ref1
catalogue of disasters of, ref1
Chicken Run at, ref1
'cup curse' of, ref1
'derby' fixtures of, ref1, ref2
European Cup Winners' Cup won by, ref1, ref2
FA Cup triumphs of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
fans of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15
First Division return of, ref1
and football hooliganism, ref1, ref2
formation of, ref1
Greenwood resigns as manager of, ref1, ref2, ref3
'Hammers Bond' scheme of, ref1, ref2
history of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
match-day mascot, ref1
Queen visits, ref1
relegation of, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8
'unfashionable' label of, ref1
voted BBC Team of the Year, ref1
youth policy of, ref1
_West Ham United: The Making of a Football Club_ (Korr), ref1
West Lodge Park, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
White Hart Lane, ref1, ref2, ref3
White, Noel, ref1, ref2
Whitehall Theatre, ref1
Whitelaw, Billie, ref1
Whitworth, Steve, ref1
Whymark, Trevor, ref1
Wickham, Connor, ref1
Wigan Athletic FC, ref1, ref2
Wilkins, Ray, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
Wilkinson, Howard, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Wilshere, Jack, ref1
Wilson, Bob, ref1, ref2
Wilson, Ray, ref1
Wimbledon FC, ref1, ref2, ref3
Winterbottom, Walter, ref1, ref2
Winterburn, Nigel, ref1
Wisdom, Norman, ref1
Withe, Peter, ref1, ref2, ref3
Wolstenholme, Ken, ref1
Wolverhampton Wanderers FC, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Woodcock, Tony, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7
Woodgate, Jonathan, ref1
Woods, Eddie, ref1
Wooler, Alan, ref1
Woosnam, Phil, ref1
Worcestershire, ref1
World Cup, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10
1950, ref1
1958, ref1
1966, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12, ref13, ref14, ref15, ref16, ref17, ref18
1970, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
1974, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
1978, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11
1982, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5, ref6, ref7, ref8, ref9, ref10, ref11, ref12
1986, ref1
1990, ref1, ref2
1994, ref1
2010, ref1, ref2
2014, ref1
2018, ref1
England's exile from, ref1, ref2
Jules Rimet Trophy, ref1, ref2
TV coverage of, ref1
warm-up programme, ref1
World Youth Championship, ref1
Worm, Ronnie, ref1
Worthington Cup, ref1, ref2
Worthington, Frank, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4
Worthington, Nigel, ref1
Wragg, Dick, ref1, ref2, ref3, ref4, ref5
Wrexham FC, ref1
Wright, Billy, ref1
Wright, Ian, ref1
Wright-Phillips, Shaun, ref1, ref2
Yashin, Yev, ref1
Yorath, Terry, ref1
Young, Willie, ref1, ref2, ref3
_Yours Sincerely_ (Greenwood), ref1
Zamora, Bobby, ref1
Zico, ref1
Zoff, Dino, ref1
Zola, Gianfranco, ref1
Zubizarreta, Andoni, ref1
#### LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
1. Already a bit chunky – me at six months.
2. Father Christmas eyeing me suspiciously!
3. Mum and dad and elder brother Tony with me sitting at the front.
4. The Ilford County High School football team. That's me with the ball at my feet in 1962–63.
5. I was playing for Ilford Boys against Oxford when the West Ham manager Ron Greenwood came to watch me. I'm in the front row with my England cap on my knee.
6. Practising our smiles in the summer of 1968. We grew up together on the training ground at Chadwell Heath and were all after the same thing – a first-team place. (Trevor Brooking, Frank Lampard, Harry Redknapp, Peter Bennett, Bobby Howe)
7. My Finnish wife Hilkka. I met her at my brother Tony's wedding to her friend Ritva.
8. Warren, aged three, already showing a little of dad's balance and poise!
9. Collette, aged ten, on her favourite pony Misty.
10. Buckingham Palace, July 1981. With Hilkka and the children after I received the MBE from the Queen.
11. Surrounded by two World Cup winners, with Martin Peters to my right and Geoff Hurst to my left during West Ham's match against Southampton in November 1969. _(Getty Images)_
12. Not bad, finishing third behind Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst in the voting for Hammer of the Year in 1969–70.
13. Frank Lampard looks on as I take the attack to Manchester United. _(Getty Images)_
14. Taking on former Hammer Bobby Moore during the 1975 FA Cup final. In truth, it wasn't a particularly great game. _(Mirrorpix)_
15. Goalscorer Alan Taylor, Billy Bonds and I celebrate winning the trophy at Newham Town Hall. _(Mirrorpix)_
16. Pat Holland pours me a glass of champagne after I scored two goals against Eintracht Frankfurt to help put us through to the final of the European Cup Winners' Cup in 1976. _(Getty Images)_
17. David Cross was one of the funniest men to play for West Ham but had no idea how to steer a bicycle. Me and Ray Stewart hang on grimly!
18. A rare moment indeed. I stoop low to head home the winner in the 1980 FA Cup final against Arsenal. _(Getty Images)_
19. Usually a front-runner, Stuart Pearson (left) was given a withdrawn role behind David Cross in the final. It was a tactical move that disrupted Arsenal's defensive strategy. Here he backs me up as I ride a tackle from Graham Rix.
20. Paul Allen was 17 years and 256 days old when he became the youngest player to appear in a Wembley FA Cup final, in 1980. He was my man of the match and in this picture is about to embark on a well-deserved lap of honour with the FA Cup and Geoff Pike.
21. In the olden days we always used to hear news of our next cup opponents on the radio. Here the West Ham manager John Lyall and I wait to hear who we play next in the European Cup Winners' Cup in 1980–81. It was Dinamo Tbilisi, an outstanding team from the USSR, who beat us 4-2 on aggregate.
22. We still had two games to play but, such was our lead, we were presented with the old Second Division trophy after beating Wrexham 1-0 at Upton Park in May 1981. We finished with a record 66 points.
23. This was an emotional day for me in May 1984. It was West Ham's last home match of the season and the last of my professional career. An angry John Lyall locked my team-mates in the dressing room after a 1-0 defeat to Everton, while I picked up scarves on my farewell lap of honour.
24. Talking to interim England manager Joe Mercer before training for a game in Belgrade against Yugoslavia in June 1974, just at the beginning of my international career. _(Getty Images)_
25. Dave Watson (left), one of England's finest defenders, made his England debut with me in Sir Alf Ramsey's last match as manager in Portugal in April 1974. Gerry Francis made his debut six months later in Don Revie's first match as manager and, although he was made captain, injury restricted his international career to just 12 appearances in two years.
26. Chasing Brazil's Zico in Los Angeles on the Bicentennial tour of 1976. Brazil beat England 1-0 but my outstanding memory is of Rivelino's 60-yard pass – the best pass I saw in my career.
27. Ray Wilkins made an outstanding debut as England overturned a two-goal deficit to beat Italy 3-2 in New York on the Bicentennial tour in 1976. Tempers flared at times and the Italian defender in this picture – one Fabio Capello – shows England's other debutant, Gordon Hill, little sympathy with this tackle.
28. I was delighted to be back in the England team for this World Cup qualifier against Italy in November 1977, but sadly we were unable to qualify for the finals in Argentina. _(Getty Images)_
29. Mrs Thatcher outside No. 10 with Ron Greenwood and the England squad prior to departing for the European Championship in Italy in 1980.
30. Battling in midfield against Spain during that tournament. I scored, and we won the game 2-1, but unfortunately we did not progress to the next stage of the competition. _(Getty Images)_
31. Shielding the ball during England's World Cup qualifier against Switzerland in November 1980; it was my 40th cap. _(Getty Images)_
32. Celebrating my favourite goal, against Hungary in 1981, when the ball lodged in the stanchion. _(Getty Images)_
33. Backed up by Bryan Robson, who was already emerging as a key figure in the side in 1981, I move forward in attack. _(Getty Images)_
34. Kevin Keegan and I look dejected after injury ruled us out of England's 1982 World Cup opener against France. _(Getty Images)_
35. Wearing the unfamiliar number three shirt, I shoot for goal during my one and only brief appearance in the World Cup finals. _(Getty Images)_
36. I was honoured at a Football Writers' Association tribute night in 1985. The guest list reflected my time with West Ham and England – Don Howe (left), Geoff Hurst, Bobby Robson, John Lyall, me and Ron Greenwood.
37. Back in the claret and blue strip of West Ham, I played Sunday morning football for the same Havering team for about eight years. Our home ground was around a mile from West Ham's training ground at Chadwell Heath.
38. What a line-up! This was a 70th birthday lunch for Ron Greenwood. The front row (left to right) is: Billy Bonds, Geoff Hurst, Ron, Dave Sexton, John Lyall and me. The back row (left to right) is: Dennis Signy of the Football Writers' Association, journalist Brian James, ITV commentator Brian Moore, journalist Michael Hart, Don Howe, journalist Reg Drury, England physiotherapist Fred Street and FA administrator Alan Odell.
39. Commentating on England v Tunisia in the 1998 World Cup in France. I hugely enjoyed my time working with the BBC. _(Getty Images)_
40. I had a couple of brief spells as manager of West Ham. Working with Paolo Di Canio was one of the more interesting challenges in the job. _(Getty Images)_
41. In my role as Director of Football Development at the FA, it was important I worked closely with England managers such as Fabio Capello. _(Getty Images)_
42. I've always enjoyed working for charities and good causes, whether it's a big fundraiser in London with Princess Diana, a Lady Taverners' ball with the former US president Bill Clinton as chief guest, or meeting and greeting at the local church garden fete.
43. With Hilkka at Buckingham Palace in the autumn of 2004, when I was honoured to receive my knighthood from the Queen.
44. Hilkka and I were thrilled to be invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey in April 2011. Prince William, of course, is the President of the FA – and an Aston Villa fan.
1. Already a bit chunky – me at six months.
2. Father Christmas eyeing me suspiciously!
3. Mum and dad and elder brother Tony with me sitting at the front.
4. The Ilford County High School football team. That's me with the ball at my feet in 1962–63.
5. I was playing for Ilford Boys against Oxford when the West Ham manager Ron Greenwood came to watch me. I'm in the front row with my England cap on my knee.
6. Practising our smiles in the summer of 1968. We grew up together on the training ground at Chadwell Heath and were all after the same thing – a first-team place. (Trevor Brooking, Frank Lampard, Harry Redknapp, Peter Bennett, Bobby Howe)
7. My Finnish wife Hilkka. I met her at my brother Tony's wedding to her friend Ritva.
8. Warren, aged three, already showing a little of dad's balance and poise!
9. Collette, aged ten, on her favourite pony Misty.
10. Buckingham Palace, July 1981. With Hilkka and the children after I received the MBE from the Queen.
11. Surrounded by two World Cup winners, with Martin Peters to my right and Geoff Hurst to my left during West Ham's match against Southampton in November 1969. _(Getty Images)_
12. Not bad, finishing third behind Bobby Moore and Geoff Hurst in the voting for Hammer of the Year in 1969–70.
13. Frank Lampard looks on as I take the attack to Manchester United. _(Getty Images)_
14. Taking on former Hammer Bobby Moore during the 1975 FA Cup final. In truth, it wasn't a particularly great game. _(Mirrorpix)_
15. Goalscorer Alan Taylor, Billy Bonds and I celebrate winning the trophy at Newham Town Hall. _(Mirrorpix)_
16. Pat Holland pours me a glass of champagne after I scored two goals against Eintracht Frankfurt to help put us through to the final of the European Cup Winners' Cup in 1976. _(Getty Images)_
17. David Cross was one of the funniest men to play for West Ham but had no idea how to steer a bicycle. Me and Ray Stewart hang on grimly!
18. A rare moment indeed. I stoop low to head home the winner in the 1980 FA Cup final against Arsenal. _(Getty Images)_
19. Usually a front-runner, Stuart Pearson (left) was given a withdrawn role behind David Cross in the final. It was a tactical move that disrupted Arsenal's defensive strategy. Here he backs me up as I ride a tackle from Graham Rix.
20. Paul Allen was 17 years and 256 days old when he became the youngest player to appear in a Wembley FA Cup final, in 1980. He was my man of the match and in this picture is about to embark on a well-deserved lap of honour with the FA Cup and Geoff Pike.
21. In the olden days we always used to hear news of our next cup opponents on the radio. Here the West Ham manager John Lyall and I wait to hear who we play next in the European Cup Winners' Cup in 1980–81. It was Dinamo Tbilisi, an outstanding team from the USSR, who beat us 4-2 on aggregate.
22. We still had two games to play but, such was our lead, we were presented with the old Second Division trophy after beating Wrexham 1-0 at Upton Park in May 1981. We finished with a record 66 points.
23. This was an emotional day for me in May 1984. It was West Ham's last home match of the season and the last of my professional career. An angry John Lyall locked my team-mates in the dressing room after a 1-0 defeat to Everton, while I picked up scarves on my farewell lap of honour.
24. Talking to interim England manager Joe Mercer before training for a game in Belgrade against Yugoslavia in June 1974, just at the beginning of my international career. _(Getty Images)_
25. Dave Watson (left), one of England's finest defenders, made his England debut with me in Sir Alf Ramsey's last match as manager in Portugal in April 1974. Gerry Francis made his debut six months later in Don Revie's first match as manager and, although he was made captain, injury restricted his international career to just 12 appearances in two years.
26. Chasing Brazil's Zico in Los Angeles on the Bicentennial tour of 1976. Brazil beat England 1-0 but my outstanding memory is of Rivelino's 60-yard pass – the best pass I saw in my career.
27. Ray Wilkins made an outstanding debut as England overturned a two-goal deficit to beat Italy 3-2 in New York on the Bicentennial tour in 1976. Tempers flared at times and the Italian defender in this picture – one Fabio Capello – shows England's other debutant, Gordon Hill, little sympathy with this tackle.
28. I was delighted to be back in the England team for this World Cup qualifier against Italy in November 1977, but sadly we were unable to qualify for the finals in Argentina. _(Getty Images)_
29. Mrs Thatcher outside No. 10 with Ron Greenwood and the England squad prior to departing for the European Championship in Italy in 1980.
30. Battling in midfield against Spain during that tournament. I scored, and we won the game 2-1, but unfortunately we did not progress to the next stage of the competition. _(Getty Images)_
31. Shielding the ball during England's World Cup qualifier against Switzerland in November 1980; it was my 40th cap. _(Getty Images)_
32. Celebrating my favourite goal, against Hungary in 1981, when the ball lodged in the stanchion. _(Getty Images)_
33. Backed up by Bryan Robson, who was already emerging as a key figure in the side in 1981, I move forward in attack. _(Getty Images)_
34. Kevin Keegan and I look dejected after injury ruled us out of England's 1982 World Cup opener against France. _(Getty Images)_
35. Wearing the unfamiliar number three shirt, I shoot for goal during my one and only brief appearance in the World Cup finals. _(Getty Images)_
36. I was honoured at a Football Writers' Association tribute night in 1985. The guest list reflected my time with West Ham and England – Don Howe (left), Geoff Hurst, Bobby Robson, John Lyall, me and Ron Greenwood.
37. Back in the claret and blue strip of West Ham, I played Sunday morning football for the same Havering team for about eight years. Our home ground was around a mile from West Ham's training ground at Chadwell Heath.
38. What a line-up! This was a 70th birthday lunch for Ron Greenwood. The front row (left to right) is: Billy Bonds, Geoff Hurst, Ron, Dave Sexton, John Lyall and me. The back row (left to right) is: Dennis Signy of the Football Writers' Association, journalist Brian James, ITV commentator Brian Moore, journalist Michael Hart, Don Howe, journalist Reg Drury, England physiotherapist Fred Street and FA administrator Alan Odell.
39. Commentating on England v Tunisia in the 1998 World Cup in France. I hugely enjoyed my time working with the BBC. _(Getty Images)_
40. I had a couple of brief spells as manager of West Ham. Working with Paolo Di Canio was one of the more interesting challenges in the job. _(Getty Images)_
41. In my role as Director of Football Development at the FA, it was important I worked closely with England managers such as Fabio Capello. _(Getty Images)_
42. I've always enjoyed working for charities and good causes, whether it's a big fundraiser in London with Princess Diana, a Lady Taverners' ball with the former US president Bill Clinton as chief guest, or meeting and greeting at the local church garden fete.
43. With Hilkka at Buckingham Palace in the autumn of 2004, when I was honoured to receive my knighthood from the Queen.
44. Hilkka and I were thrilled to be invited to the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton at Westminster Abbey in April 2011. Prince William, of course, is the President of the FA – and an Aston Villa fan.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaBook"
} | 1,501 |
Q: QT how to detect the systray area for creating systary pop up windows i need to create/design QT systray popup windows , i was thinking about creating custom windows that
derived from QDialog , so it could look better then the ordinary "Information,Warning,Critical styles"
my question is how can i detect the position of the desktop systray ,so how could give the popup windows
the look and feel of a systray popup
A: You might use the rectangle given by QSystemTrayIcon::geometry() to know precisely the position of the desktop systray. The geometry method gives the position in screen coordinate of the system tray icon.
See the documentation for more information.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 2,184 |
\section{Introduction}
Minimal cones are one of the most important objects concerned in submanifolds. All the tangent cones of minimal submanifolds (stationary varifolds) in Riemannian manifolds are minimal cones with possible singularities. They not only act a key role in studying (partial) regularity and existence for minimal submanifolds as well as Bernstein theorem, but also corresponds to minimal submanifolds in the sphere themselves. Area-minimizing hypercones are an important and special class of minimal cones, which may be obtained by blowing up or blowing down area-minimizing hypersurfaces. As a feed back, area-minimizing hypersurfaces also share well-known sharp regularity theory via dimension reduction argument and Simons' cones.
Minimal cones with isolated singularities in Euclidean space are cones over smooth minimal submanifolds in the unit sphere, whose singularities may or may not vanish after perturbation. In particular, isolated singularities may also exist in general embedded minimal hypersurfaces except cones by Caffarelli-Hardt-Simon \cite{CHS}.
For area-minimizing cones with isolated singularities, there are several ways to perturb away these singularities.
On one-sided perturbations, Hardt-Simon \cite{HaS} showed that there is an oriented connected embedded smooth minimizing hypersurface in every component of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$, where $C$ is an arbitrary $n$-dimensional minimizing cone in $\R^{n+1}$. Such hypersurfaces form a smooth foliation and are unique if they lie on one side of $C$. After that, Simon-Solomon \cite{SS} showed the uniqueness of minimal hypersurfaces asymptotic to any area-minimizing quadratic minimal cone at infinity in Euclidean space, whereas the uniqueness fails for a large class of strictly minimizing cones showed by C. Chan \cite{Cc}. On two-sided perturbations, the famous minimal graphs discovered by Bombieri-De Giorgi-Giusti in \cite{BDG}, are smooth area-minimizing hypersurfaces which converge to cartesian products of Simons' cones and $\R$ at infinity.
Moreover, R. McIntosh in \cite{M} gave a more general sufficient condition on area-minimizing cones for perturbing away singularities.
However, it is rare and far from completeness in perturbing away the isolated singularities of embedded minimal but not area-minimizing cones. In this paper, an \emph{embedded cone} means a cone over a smooth compact, embedded hypersurface without boundary in the sphere. In Problem 5.7 of \cite{Bro}, B. Lawson suggested the following problem:
\emph{ Let $C$ be a stable (or minimizing) hypercone in $\R^{n+1}$, and $C_\ep$ be the $\ep$-neighbourhood of $C$ in $\R^{n+1}$. Given $\ep>0$, can one find a smooth embedded hypersurface of positive mean curvature properly embedded in $B_1(0)\cap C_\ep$?}
F.H. Lin first attacked this problem and did the pioneer work \cite{L1,L2}. Let $E$ be a connected component of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$. If either $C$ is a stable cone or $C$ is a one-sided area-minimizing cone in $\overline{E}$, Lin \cite{L1} showed the existence of smooth embedded hypersurfaces of positive mean curvature properly embedded in $B_1(0)\cap C_\ep\cap E$ for any small $\ep>0$. An one-sided area minimizing cone maybe not area-minimizing, such as a cone over a minimal hypersurface $\S^1\left(\sqrt{\f16}\right)\times\S^5\left(\sqrt{\f56}\right)$ in $\S^7(1)$ proved by Lin \cite{L2}. Hereof, R.M. Hardt has posed the following problem for general minimal cones in \cite{Ha}.
\emph{A minimal foliation may exist on only one side of a minimal (not minimizing) hypercone.}
In this paper, we shall give an affirmative answer to Lawson's problem, and a negative answer to Hardt's problem for embedded minimal but not minimizing cones. In particular, we obtain a smooth foliation except the origin moving by mean curvature flow with every leaf possessing positive mean curvature.
With uniqueness for self-expanders we give an affirmative answer to open problems arisen by Ilmanen-White, namely, Theorem 1 and Theorem 2 in \cite{IW} still hold if one drops the area-minimizing hypothesis. In particular, the \emph{density} of a topologically nontrivial minimal but not area-minimizing hypercone with an isolated singularity must be greater than $\sqrt{2}$. Here, a topologically nontrivial hypercone $C\subset\R^{n+1}$ means that there is a non-contractible component of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$.
For a minimal hypercone $C$ in $\R^{n+1}$ with vertex at the origin, the \emph{density} of $C$ is defined as follows:
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{denCx}
\Th(C)\triangleq \lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{Vol(C\cap B_r)}{\omega_nr^n}=\omega_n^{-1} Vol(C\cap B_1)=n^{-1}\omega_n^{-1} Vol(C\cap\p B_1),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\omega_n$ is the volume of an $n$-dimensional unit ball in $\R^n$, and $B_r$ denotes the ball in $\R^{n+1}$ with radius $r$ and centered at the origin.
For showing Willmore conjecture, Marques-Neves \cite{MN} proved that every embedded minimal surface $\Si\subset\S^3$ of genus $g\ge1$ has $Vol(\Si)\ge2\pi^2$ via min-max theory, where $2\pi^2$ is the area of the Clifford minimal surface. In high dimension, Ilmanen-White \cite{IW} proved that the density of a topologically nontrivial, area-minimizing hypercone in $\R^n$ with an isolated singularity must be greater than $\sqrt{2}$, which actually is a sharp dimensionless estimate in view of the density of Simons' cone $C_{k,k}$ tending to $\sqrt{2}$ as $k\rightarrow\infty$.
In this proof, they ingeniously employed that the singularities of the mean convex flow are of convex type, namely, generalized cylinders $\S^k\times\R^{n-1-k}$. Furthermore, if one of the components of $\R^n\setminus C$ has nontrivial $k^{th}$ homotopy group, Ilmanen-White obtained a better bound $d_k$, where $d_k$ is the entropy of the self-shrinker $\S^k$ in $\R^{k+1}$.
Here, self-shrinkers are self-shrinking solutions of mean curvature flow, which are type I singularity model of the flow.
In \cite{CIMW}, Colding-Ilmanen-Minicozzi-White showed the sharp lower bound of the entropy for all the closed self-shrinkers, which is attained by a round sphere. Furthermore, Bernstein-Wang \cite{BW} showed the sharp lower bound of the entropy for any closed hypersurface with dimension $2\le k\le6$.
Uniting with the sharp estimates of Ilmanen-White and our results, the density of any minimal hypercone $C$ in $\R^{n}$ with an isolated singularity must be greater than $\sqrt{2}$ if there is a non-contractible component of $\R^{n}\setminus C$. In other words, if $\Si$ is a smooth minimal hypersurface in the unit sphere $\S^{n-1}$ with one non-contractible component of $\S^{n-1}\setminus\Si$ at least, then
$$Vol(\Si)>\sqrt{2}\ Vol(\S^{n-2}).$$
In the current paper, we study the self-expanding solutions of mean curvature flows (i.e., self-expanders) and the relationship with minimal cones. Self-expanders are a special class of submanifolds in flat spaces, and a self-expander $M$ in Euclidean space is a critical point for the following functional defined on any bounded set $K\subset M$ by
\begin{equation}\label{EK}
\int_K e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu,
\end{equation}
where $d\mu$ is the volume element of $M$ (see \eqref{SE} for the definition). Equivalently, a submanifold $M$ is a self-expander if and only if $\mathcal{M}:\ t\in(0,\infty)\rightarrow\sqrt{t}M$ is a mean curvature flow. Such special flows give a natural perturbation of the isolated singularities for minimal but not minimizing cones. There have been vast research for $n$-dimensional rectifiable currents in $\R^{n+1}$ which minimize the integrals of more general parametric elliptic integrands instead of the special weight $e^{\f{|X|^2}4}$ (see \cite{Al,T1,T2,SSA} for instance).
In rough speaking, self-expanders describe the asymptotic behaviour of the longtime solutions for mean curvature flow, and even depict the local structure of the flow after the singularities in a very short time. For 1 dimensional case, self-expanding curves have been used to study planar networks, see \cite{ScSc,INS} for example. Moreover, self-expanders have acted an important role in studying Lagrangian mean curvature flow partially as the absence of nontrivial self-shrinkers for the flow from a zero-Maslov class Lagrangian in $\C^n$ (see \cite{Ne,NT} for instance).
In \cite{EH1}, Ecker-Huisken studied mean curvature evolution of entire graphs, and obtained that the flow has a smooth longtime solution if the initial hypersurface is Lipschitz continuous with bounded gradient. Further, under some additional conditions and suitable normalization, the flow converges to a self-expander. We will establish the existence and uniqueness for graphic self-expanders with prescribed Lipschitz tangent cones at infinity. As a by-product, we obtain the same convergence for graphic mean curvature flow under a weaker condition compared with Theorem 5.1 in \cite{EH1} by Ecker-Huisken (see Theorem \ref{EHasy} for details).
Self-expanders can be seen as the evolution of cones in Euclidean space, and see Ilmanen \cite{Il1} for instance in $\R^3$. In Lecture 2 of \cite{Il1}, he studied the existence of $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurfaces (see section 2 for the definition) which converge to prescribed closed cones at infinity in Euclidean space. For completeness of this paper, we will give another detailed proof for a class of cones by explicit barrier functions. Namely, there exists an $n$-dimensional minimizing current with the weight $e^{\f{|X|^2}4}$ (and with possible singularities) for a prescribed tangent cone over any $C^2$-embedded hypersurface in $\S^{n}$ at infinity (see Theorem \ref{WeakexistSE}).
Further, for each mean convex(mean curvature is nonnegative) but not minimizing cone, we can rule out the singularities of the $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding current which converges to such cone on one side at infinity. More precisely, we have the following theorem (see also Theorem \ref{mainTh}).
\begin{theorem}\label{Intrmcse}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded mean convex but not minimizing cone pointing into the domain $\Om$ with $\p\Om=C$ in $\R^{n+1}$, then there is a unique smooth complete embedded $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface $M$ in $\Om$ with tangent cone $C$ at infinity, where $M$ has positive mean curvature everywhere.
\end{theorem}
Thus in view of \eqref{asymse}, we give an affirmative answer to Lawson's problem for embedded minimal but not minimizing cones. Moreover, let $M$ be the self-expander in Theorem \ref{Intrmcse}, then $\mathcal{M}:\ t\in(0,\infty)\rightarrow\sqrt{t}M$ is a foliation of $\Om$ moving by mean curvature.
In Theorem \ref{Intrmcse}, the assumption on 'not minimizing' can not be removed. In fact, we can show that if a smooth self-expander $M$ converges to any given embedded area-minimizing cone at infinity, then $M$ must be this area-minimizing cone (see Theorem \ref{area-minimSE} for details). Without restriction in $\Om$, uniqueness for self-expanders may fail in view of \cite{AIC,Il1}. However, if $\p\Om$ has positive mean curvature pointing into $\Om$, there is uniqueness for self-expanders showed in Theorem \ref{UniqSET}.
Minimal cones can be seen as special self-expanders, and there are some exact correspondences between them. For a minimal cone $C$ and a domain $\Om$ in Euclidean space with $\p\Om=C$, $C$ is stable if and only if $C$ is a stable self-expander; $C$ is area-minimizing in $\overline{\Om}$ if and only if $C$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$. However, there is an alternative phenomena between minimal hypersurfaces and self-expanding hypersurfaces. More precisely, for an embedded nonflat minimal cone $C$, either there exists a complete smooth minimal hypersurface on one side of $C$, but there does not exist any complete smooth self-expander which converges to $C$ at infinity; or there exists a complete smooth self-expander which converges to $C$ at infinity, but there does not exist any complete smooth minimal hypersurface on one side of $C$. Further, there does not exist any minimal hypersurface without boundary on only one side of an embedded minimal but not minimizing hypercone, and then we can negate Hardt's problem (see Theorem \ref{Hardtpro}).
The existence of the foliation in Hardt-Simon \cite{HaS} acts a key role in constructing the mean convex (weak) mean curvature flow in \cite{IW}, while such foliation of minimal hypersurfaces does not exist for not minimizing cones by Theorem \ref{Hardtpro}. Let $C$ be an embedded minimal but not minimizing hypercone in $\R^{n}$ and $\Om^+$ be a domain with $\p\Om^+=C$. Using the foliation in Theorem \ref{Intrmcse}, for sufficiently small constant $\ep>0$ we can find another foliation $\{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}\}_{0<t\le e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ of a domain in $\Om^+\cap \mathscr{B}_1$ such that $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}$ is a smooth star-shaped self-expander, and $\lim_{\ep\rightarrow0}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}=C\cap \mathscr{B}_1$ in the varifold sense for every $0<t\le e^{-\ep^{-1}}$. Here $\mathscr{B}_1$ is an $n$-dimensional unit ball centered at the origin in $\R^n$. Further, the \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface with boundary $\p\left(\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}\right)$ is unique.
Let $\Om^-=\R^n\setminus\overline{\Om^+}$ be the other component of $\R^{n}\setminus C$. If $C$ is not a minimizing cone in $\Om^-$, then we can define another foliation in $\Om^-$ analogously in $\Om^+$ denoted by $\{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}\}_{-e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le t<0}$. If $C$ is an area-minimizing cone in $\Om^-$, then we set $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}=(-t)S_C\cap \mathscr{B}_1$ for $-e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le t<0$, where $S_C$ is a smooth area-minimizing hypersurface in $\Om^-$.
If $M$ is a self-expander, we say that $\ep M$ has vanish \emph{$s$-mean curvature}(see \eqref{Hs} for its definition) with $s=\f1{2\ep^2}$.
We construct a \emph{$s$-mean curvature flow}(see \eqref{NMCF} for its definition) with initial hypersurface $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ and boundary restricted in $\overline{\bigcup_{0<|t|\le e^{-\ep^{-1}}}\p\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}}$, which converges to $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ as time goes to infinity by the uniqueness of $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$. Due to parabolic maximum principle (for viscosity solutions), the flow preserves $s$-mean convex. Hence one has similar dimensional estimates for its singular set compared with \cite{HSi,W00,W03}, and all the singular points have convex type via analysis of second fundamental form for translating solution of the flow and elliptic regularization.
In all, we get the following lower bound on density, where $\sqrt{2}$ is sharp for all minimal cones independent of dimension.
\begin{theorem}\label{slbmc}
Let $C$ be a minimal but not area-minimizing hypercone in $\R^{n}$ with an isolated singularity and with one non-contractible component of $\R^{n}\setminus C$ at least. Then the density of $C$ is greater than $\sqrt{2}$.
\end{theorem}
In view of Ilmanen-White's Theorem 2 in \cite{IW}, we also obtain the rest part. Namely, for each minimal but not area-minimizing hypercone $C$ in $\R^n$, the density of $C$ satisfies
$$\Th(C)\ge d_k,$$
provided one of the components of $\R^n\setminus C$ has nontrivial $k^{th}$ homotopy group.
\textbf{Conventions and notation.}
We say an $n$-dimensional \emph{mean convex} hypersurface $\G$(or an $n$-dimensional hypersurface $\G$ has \emph{positive mean curvature}) pointing into $\Om$ in $\R^{n+1}$, if $\G$ is $C^2$-continuous in $\R^{n+1}$ and the mean curvature of $\G$ is nonnegative(or positive) with respect to the unit normal vector pointing into $\Om$. Note that in this circumstance, we omit "with respect to the unit normal vector" for convenience in this whole paper. Here, the mean curvature is defined by taking trace of \eqref{hij} with the unit normal vector $\nu$ pointing into $\Om$.
Without special illumination, we always think that a cone $C$ has vertex at the origin for convenience in this context.
We say a cone $C$ \emph{mean convex}, which means that $C\setminus\{0\}$ is mean convex. $c$ denotes a positive constant depending only on the dimension $n$ and the cone $C$ but will be allowed to change from line to line.
\section{Preliminaries and notation}
An $n$-dimensional smooth manifold $M$ is said to be a \emph{self-expander} in $\R^{n+m}$ if it satisfies the elliptic equations
\begin{equation}\label{SE}
H= \frac{X^N}{2},
\end{equation}
where $X$ is the position vector of $M$ in $\R^{n+m}$, $(\cdots)^N$ is the projection into the normal bundle of $M$, and $H$ is the mean curvature vector of $M$. The reason of calling is that $\sqrt{t}M$ satisfies the mean curvature flow for $t>0$. In fact, let $M_t=\sqrt{t}M$ and $F_t=\sqrt{t}X=(\sqrt{t}x_1,\cdots,\sqrt{t}x_{m+n})$, then
$$\f{dF_t}{dt}=\f1{2\sqrt{t}}X=\f1{2t}F_t.$$
Hence
\begin{equation}
\left(\f{dF_t}{dt}\right)^N=\f1{2t}F_t^N=H_{M_t},
\end{equation}
where $N$ also denotes the projection into the normal bundle of $M_t$, $H_{M_t}$ is the mean curvature vector of $M_t$. Conversely, if $\mathcal{M}:\ t\in(0,\infty)\rightarrow\sqrt{t}M$ is a mean curvature flow, then obviously $M$ is a self-expander by the above argument.
Let $\na$ and $\De$ be the Levi-Civita connection and Laplacian of self-expander $M$, respectively.
For any $X=(x_1,\cdots,x_{n+m})\in\R^{n+m}$, we have
$$\De X=H,$$
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{laplace}
\De|X|^2=2\lan X,\De X\ran+2|\na X|^2=2\lan X,H\ran+2n=|X^N|^2+2n=2n+4|H|^2.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If $M$ can be written as a graph over $\Om\subset\R^n$ with the graphic function $u$ in $\R^{n+1}$, namely, $M=\{(x,u(x))\in\R^{n+1}|\ x\in\Om\}$, then \eqref{SE} implies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Graphv}
\div\left(\f{Du}{\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}\right)=\f{-x_iu_i+u}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where 'div' is the divergence on $\R^n$. Moreover, \eqref{Graphv} is equivalent to
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Graphu}
g^{ij}u_{ij}=\f{-x_iu_i+u}2,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $(g^{ij})$ is the inverse matrix of $(g_{ij})$ with $g_{ij}=\de_{ij}+u_iu_j$.
Let $\la$ be a function on $\R^+$ satisfying
$$re^{\f{r^2}{4n}}=\la\left(\int_0^re^{\f{t^2}{4n}}dt\right).$$
Then the weighted space $\left(\R^{n+m},e^{\f{|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+m}dx_i^2\right)$ can be written in a polar coordinate as $N\triangleq(\R^{n+m},\bar{g})$ with
\begin{equation*}\aligned
\bar{g}=&e^{\f{r^2}{2n}}\left(dr^2+r^2\si_{_{\S^{n+m-1}}}\right)=\left(d\int_0^re^{\f{t^2}{4n}}dt\right)^2+\la^2\left(\int_0^re^{\f{t^2}{4n}}dt\right)
\si_{_{\S^{n+m-1}}}\\
=&d\r^2+\la^2(\r)\si_{_{\S^{n+m-1}}},
\endaligned
\end{equation*}
where $\si_{_{\S^{n+m-1}}}$ is the standard metric of $(n+m-1)$-dimensional unit sphere in $\R^{n+m}$.
In particular, $N$ has non-positive sectional curvature by \cite{Lip} or (3.30) in \cite{DJX}. Each $n$-dimensional self-expander in $\R^{n+m}$ is equivalent to an $n$-dimensional minimal submanifold in $N$.
By Rademacher's theorem, a locally $n$-rectifiable set has tangent spaces at almost every point. Let $G(n,p)$ be the space of (unoriented) $n$-planes through the origin in $\R^p$. A $n(n<p)$-rectifiable varifold in $\R^p$ corresponds to an $n$-varifold defined by Radon measure on $G(n,p)$ as Chapter 38 in \cite{S}.
We call a locally $n$-rectifiable varifold $S$ in $\R^p$ \emph{an $n$-varifold self-expander} if
for any $C^1$-vector field $Y$ with compact support in spt$S$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{WeakSE}
\int_{\R^p\times G(n,p)}\overline{\div}_\omega YdS(X,\omega)=-\f12\int_{\R^p\times G(n,p)}\lan X^N,Y\ran dS(X,\omega),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\overline{\div}$ represents the divergence on $\R^p$, and $\omega$ is an $n$-dimensional tangent plane of $S$ at the considered point if it exists.
Then $\f12X^N$ is the generalized mean curvature of $S$ (see \cite{LY}\cite{S} for its definition). \emph{An integer $n$-varifold self-expander} is an abbreviation of an integer multiplicity $n$-varifold self-expander. Sometimes, we omit '$n$' when we don't emphasize the dimension of '$n$-varifold self-expander'.
From monotonicity identity (formula 17.3) in \cite{S}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{monSEr-nBr}
\f{d}{d\r}\left(\r^{-n}\mathcal{H}^n(S\cap B_\r)\right)=\f{d}{d\r}\int_{S\cap B_\r}\f{|X^N|^2}{|X|^{n+2}}d\mu_S+\f12\r^{-n-1}\int_{S\cap B_\r}\left|X^N\right|^2d\mu_S,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $B_\r$ denotes the ball in $\R^{n+1}$ with radius $\r$ and centered at the origin, $\mathcal{H}^n(K)$ denotes the $n$-dimensional Hausdorff measure of any set $K\subset\R^{n+1}$, and $d\mu_S$ is the Radon measure corresponding to the varifold $S$.
Now let's recall some classical definitions of currents (see \cite{LY}\cite{S} for example) and define a weighted mass for rectifiable currents.
Let $U$ be an open subset of $\R^p$ for $p>n$, $I_{n,p}=\{\a=(i_1,\cdots,i_n)\in\Z_+^n|\ 1\le i_1<\cdots<i_n\le p\}$. Denote $E^n(U)$ be the set including all smooth $n$-forms $\omega=\sum_{\a\in I_{n,p}}a_\a dx^\a$, where $a_\a\in C^\infty(U)$ and $dx^\a=dx^{i_1}\wedge\cdots\wedge dx^{i_n}$ if $\a=(i_1,\cdots,i_n)\in I_{n,p}$. Let $\mathcal{D}^n(U)$ denote the set of $\omega=\sum_{\a\in I_{n,p}}a_\a dx^\a\in E^n(U)$ such that each $a_\a$ has compact support in $U$. For any $\omega\in\mathcal{D}^n(U)$ one denotes a norm $|\cdot|_U$ by
$$|\omega|_U=\sup_{x\in U}\lan\omega(x),\omega(x)\ran^{\f12}.$$
Denote $\mathcal{D}_n(U)$ be the set of $n$-currents in $U$, which are continuous linear functionals on $\mathcal{D}^n(U)$.
For each $T\in\mathcal{D}_n(U)$ and each open set $W$ in $U$, one defines
$$\mathbf{M}_W(T)=\sup_{|\omega|_U\le1,\omega\in\mathcal{D}^n(U),\mathrm{spt}\omega\subset W}T(\omega),$$
and the mass of $T$ by
$$\mathbf{M}(T)=\sup_{|\omega|_U\le1,\omega\in\mathcal{D}^n(U)}T(\omega).$$
If $\mathbf{M}_W(T)<\infty$ for $T\in\mathcal{D}_n(U)$ and $W\Subset U$, then by the Riesz Representation, there is a Radon measure $\mu_T$ on $U$ and $\mu_T$-measurable vector-valued function $\overrightarrow{T}$ with values in the spaces of $n$-vectors $\La_n(\R^p)$, $|\overrightarrow{T}|=1$ $\mu_T$-a.e., such that
$$T(\omega)=\int\lan\omega(x),\overrightarrow{T}(x)\ran d\mu_T(x).$$
Let $X$ be the position vector in $\R^p$.
We define a new mass in $W$ with the weight $e^{\f{|X|^2}4}$ by
$$\textbf{E}_W(T)=\sup_{|\omega|_U\le1,\omega\in\mathcal{D}^n(U),\mathrm{spt}\omega\subset W}\int\lan\omega(X),\overrightarrow{T}(X)\ran e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_T(X).$$
We call $T$ \emph{an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current} in $W\subset U$, if $T$ is an integer multiplicity locally rectifiable current in a subset $W$ of $U$, and $\textbf{E}_K(T)\le\textbf{E}_K(T')$
whenever $K\Subset U$, $\p T'=\p T$, and spt$(T'-T)$ is a compact subset of $K\cap W$. And we call $\mathrm{spt}T$ \emph{an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface(curve)} in $W$ if $p=n+1(n=1)$.
Let $E$ be a Lebesgue measurable set in $\R^{p}$, we denote
$$s\left(E+\xi\right)=\{s(X+\xi)|\ X\in E\}$$
for any $s>0$ and $\xi\in\R^p$, and
$\llbracket E\rrbracket$ be the multiplicity one current associated with $E$. For an $n$-dimensional integral current $T$ in $\R^p$, we denote $|T|$ be the integral varifold associated with $T$. Let $\e_{\xi,s}$ be a translation plus homothety given by
$$\e_{\xi,s}(X)=s^{-1}(X-\xi).$$
Let $S$ be a varifold or current in $\R^{p}$, we define $s^{-1}\left(S-\xi\right)=\e_{\xi,s\sharp} S$ in this text for convenience, where the definition of $\e_{\xi,s\sharp}$ is the same as in \cite{HaS}(or \cite{S}). We will use another way to describe the multiplicity of $S$.
\section{Geometry of self-expanders}
\subsection{\textbf{E}-minimizing graphic self-expanding hypersurfaces}
Every self-expander with codimension 1 is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}\times\R$ if it is a graph over a domain $\Om\subset\R^n$.
\begin{lemma}\label{comp}
Let $\Om$ be a bounded domain in $\R^n$ and $M$ be a self-expander on
$\overline{\Om}$ with the graphic function $u$ and with the volume element $d\mu_M$. For any smooth hypersurface $W\subset\overline{\Om}\times\R$ with $\p M=\p W$ and the volume element $d\mu_W$, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_{M}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_M\le\int_{W}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_{W},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
with the above inequality attains equality if and only if $W=M$.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Let $U$ be the domain in $N$ enclosed by $M$ and $W$. Let $Y$ be a vector field on $M$ defined by
$$Y=-\sum_{i=1}^n\f{u_i}{\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}x_i^2}4}E_i+\f{1}{\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}x_i^2}4}E_{n+1}.$$
Viewing $u_i$ and $|Du|$ as functions on $\Om$ and translating $Y$ to $W$ along the $E_{n+1}$ ($x_{n+1}$ axis) direction, we obtain a vector field on $U$, denoted by $Y$, as well.
From (\ref{Graphv}) we have
\begin{equation*}\aligned
\overline{\div}(Y)=&-\sum_{i=1}^n\left(\p_{x_i}\left(\f{u_i}{\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}\right)+\f{x_iu_i}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}\right)e^{\f{|X|^2}4}+\f{x_{n+1}}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}\\
=&\f{x_{n+1}-u}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{|X|^2}4},
\endaligned
\end{equation*}
where $\overline{\div}$ stands for the divergence on $\R^{n+1}$, and $|X|^2=\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}x_i^2$.
Let $\nu_M,\nu_W$ be the unit normal vectors of $M,W$ respectively, such that $Y|_M=e^{\f{|X|^2}4}\nu_M$. Let $U_+=\{(x,t)\in U|\ t>u(x)\}$, and $U_-=U\setminus\overline{U_+}$. Then by Stokes' theorem, up to a sign of $\nu_W$ we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Gaussf}
&\int_{U^\pm}\f{x_{n+1}-u}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}=\int_{U^\pm}\overline{\div}(Y)\\
=&\mp\int_{M\cap U^\pm}\lan Y,\nu_M\ran d\mu_M\pm\int_{W\cap U^\pm}\lan Y,\nu_W\ran d\mu_{W}\\
=&\mp\int_{M\cap U^\pm}e^{\f{|X|^2}4} d\mu_M\pm\int_{W\cap U^\pm}\lan Y,\nu_W\ran d\mu_{W}.\\%\le-\int_{M}e^{\f{|X|^2}4} d\mu_M-\int_{W} e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_{W}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{MWUp}
0\le&\int_{U^+}\f{x_{n+1}-u}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}=-\int_{M\cap U^+}e^{\f{|X|^2}4} d\mu_M+\int_{W\cap U^+}\lan Y,\nu_W\ran d\mu_{W}\\
\le&-\int_{M\cap U^+}e^{\f{|X|^2}4} d\mu_M+\int_{W\cap U^+} e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_{W},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{MWUm}
0\ge&\int_{U^-}\f{x_{n+1}-u}{2\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}=\int_{M\cap U^-}e^{\f{|X|^2}4} d\mu_M-\int_{W\cap U^-}\lan Y,\nu_W\ran e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_{W}\\
\ge&\int_{M\cap U^-}e^{\f{|X|^2}4} d\mu_M-\int_{W\cap U^-} e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu_{W}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Obviously, the above equalities \eqref{MWUp} and \eqref{MWUm} both hold if and only if $M=W$. We complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\subsection{Bochner type formula for second fundamental form}
For a hypersurface $M$ in $\R^{n+1}$, we choose a local orthonormal frame field $\{e_1,\cdots, e_n\}$ of $M$ at any considered point and let $\overline{\na}$ be the Levi-Civita connection of $\R^{n+1}$. Let $A$ be the second fundamental form and $A_{e_i e_j}=h(e_i,e_j)\nu=h_{ij}\nu$. Here, $\nu$ is the unit normal vector of $M$ in $\R^{n+1}$. Then the coefficients of the second fundamental form $h_{ij}$ are a symmetric $2-$tensor on $M$ and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{hij}
h_{ij}=\lan\overline{\na}_{e_i}e_j,\nu\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Denote mean curvature $H=\sum_ih_{ii}$ and the square of the second fundamental form $|A|^2=\sum_{i,j}h_{ij}^2$.
\begin{lemma}\label{LhijB}
Let $M$ be a self-expander in $\R^{n+1}$. In the meaning of covariant, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Lh}
\De h_{ij}+\f12\lan X,\na h_{ij}\ran+\left(\f12+|A|^2\right)h_{ij}=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof
By Ricci identity, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned
\De h_{ij}=h_{ijkk}=h_{ikjk}=h_{ikkj}+h_{il}R_{klkj}+h_{kl}R_{ilkj}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining Gauss formula $R_{ijkl}=h_{ik}h_{jl}-h_{il}h_{jk}$ and \eqref{SE}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Deh}
\De h_{ij}=&H_{ij}+h_{il}(h_{kk}h_{lj}-h_{kj}h_{kl})+h_{kl}(h_{ik}h_{lj}-h_{ij}h_{kl})\\
=&\f12(\lan X,\nu\ran)_{ij}+Hh_{ik}h_{jk}-|A|^2h_{ij}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Since
\begin{equation}\aligned
\na_{e_i}(h(e_j,e_k))=&(\na_{e_i}h)(e_j,e_k)+h(\na_{e_i}e_j,e_k)+h(e_j,\na_{e_i}e_k)\\
=&h_{jki}+\lan\na_{e_i}e_j,e_l\ran h_{kl}+\lan\na_{e_i}e_k,e_l\ran h_{jl},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{dH}
(\lan X,\nu\ran)_{ij}=&\na_{e_i}\na_{e_j}\lan X,\nu\ran-\na_{\na_{e_i}{e_j}}\lan X,\nu\ran\\
=&-\na_{e_i}(\lan X,e_k\ran h_{jk})-\lan\na_{e_i}e_j,e_k\ran\lan X,\overline{\na}_{e_k}\nu\ran\\
=&-h_{ij}-\lan X,\overline{\na}_{e_i}e_k\ran h_{jk}-\lan X,e_k\ran\big(h_{jki}+\lan\na_{e_i}e_j,e_l\ran h_{kl}\\&+\lan\na_{e_i}e_k,e_l\ran h_{jl}\big)+\lan\na_{e_i}e_j,e_k\ran\lan X,{e_l}\ran h_{kl}\\
=&-h_{ij}-\lan X,\nu\ran h_{ik}h_{jk}-\lan X,\na_{e_i}e_k\ran h_{jk}-\lan X,e_k\ran h_{ijk}\\
&-\lan X,e_k\ran\lan\na_{e_i}e_k,e_l\ran h_{jl}\\
=&-h_{ij}-\lan X,\nu\ran h_{ik}h_{jk}-\lan X,e_l\ran\lan e_l,\na_{e_i}e_k\ran h_{jk}-\lan X,\na h_{ij}\ran\\
&+\lan X,e_k\ran\lan e_k,\na_{e_i}e_l\ran h_{jl}\\
=&-h_{ij}-2H h_{ik}h_{jk}-\lan X,\na h_{ij}\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining \eqref{Deh} and \eqref{dH}, we complete the Lemma.
\end{proof}
Taking the trace of \eqref{Lh}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{meancurvature}
\De H+\f12\lan X,\na H\ran+\left(\f12+|A|^2\right)H=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\subsection{Stable self-expanders}
For a $C^2$-hypersurface $M\subset\R^{n+1}$, we define a family of hypersurfaces $M_s$ by $X(\cdot,s):\ M\rightarrow\R^{n+1}$ with $X(p,s)=p+sf(p)\nu(p)$, where $\nu$ is the unit normal vector of $M$, and $f\in C^\infty_c(M)$. Let $\nu(p,s)$ denote the unit normal to $M_s$ at the point $X(p,s)$ and $H(p,s)$ be the mean curvature of $M_s$ at the point $X(p,s)$. By the definition of mean curvature, we have (see Appendix A in \cite{CM2} for example)
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Hnusp0}
\f{\p H}{\p s}(p,0)&=\De_M f(p)+|A|^2(p)f(p),\\
\f{\p \nu}{\p s}(p,0)&=-\na_M f(p).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
So we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p}{\p s}\int_{M_s}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu=\int_{M_s}\left(-H+\f{\lan X,\nu\ran}2\right)fe^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence self-expanders are critical points of the area-functional with the weight $e^{\f{|X|^2}4}$. We say that a smooth self-expander $M$ is \emph{stable} if
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p^2}{\p s^2}\bigg|_{s=0}\int_{M_s}e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu=\int_{M}\left(-\De_M f-|A|^2f-\f{\lan X,\na f\ran}2+\f f2\right)fe^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu\ge0
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $f\in C^\infty_c(M)$, namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{SE2var}
\int_{M}\left(|\na f|^2-|A|^2f^2+\f12f^2\right)e^{\f{|X|^2}4}d\mu\ge0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
We say an $n$-dimensional minimal cone $C$ in $\R^{n+1}(n\ge2)$ \emph{stable}, if the second variation of area functional on $C\setminus\{0\}$ is nonnegative. We say $C$ a \emph{stable self-expander} if $C\setminus\{0\}$ is a stable self-expander.
\begin{theorem}
Any minimal cone with an isolated singularity is stable if and only if it is a stable self-expander.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Let $\Si$ be a minimal hypersurface in $\S^n$ with the second fundament form $A_\Si$. As 1 dimensional smooth minimal surface in $\S^2$ is an equator, we assume $n\ge3$. With respect to \eqref{SE2var}, for any $f=f(\xi,t)\in C^\infty_c(\Si\times (0,\infty))$ we define
\begin{equation}\aligned
I(f)\triangleq\int_{\Si\times\R^+}\left(-\De_\Si f-|A_\Si|^2f-(n-1)t\f{\p f}{\p t}-t^2\f{\p^2 f}{\p t^2}-\f {t^3}2\f{\p f}{\p t}+\f{t^2}2 f\right)t^{n-3}fe^{\f{t^2}4}d\mu_\Si dt.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\la_1$ be the first eigenvalue of the operator $\De_\Si+|A_\Si|^2$ with the corresponding eigenfunction $\varphi_1$ on $\Si$ satisfying $\int_\Si \varphi_1^2=1$.
Let $\e\in C^\infty_c((0,\infty))$ and $f(y,t)=\varphi_1(y)\e(t)$ for $(y,t)\in\Si\times(0,\infty)$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{IJfphi}
I(f)=&\int_{\Si\times\R^+}\left(\la_1\e-(n-1)t\f{\p \e}{\p t}-t^2\f{\p^2 \e}{\p t^2}-\f {t^3}2\f{\p \e}{\p t}+\f{t^2}2 \e\right)t^{n-3}\varphi_1^2\e e^{\f{t^2}4}d\mu_\Si dt\\
=&\int_{0}^\infty\left(\la_1\e-(n-1)t\f{\p \e}{\p t}-t^2\f{\p^2 \e}{\p t^2}-\f {t^3}2\f{\p \e}{\p t}+\f{t^2}2 \e\right)t^{n-3}\e e^{\f{t^2}4}dt\\
=&\int_{0}^\infty\left(\la_1\e^2+\f12t^2\e^2+t^2\left(\f{\p \e}{\p t}\right)^2\right)t^{n-3} e^{\f{t^2}4}dt\triangleq I_0(\e),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where we have used $\De_\Si\varphi_1+|A_\Si|^2\varphi_1+\la_1\varphi_1=0$ in the first step of \eqref{IJfphi}.
Integrating by parts, we see
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\int_{0}^\infty\left(\f{\p}{\p t}\left(\e e^{\f{t^2}8}\right)\right)^2t^{n-1}e^{\f{t^2}4}dt=\int_{0}^\infty\left(\left(\f{\p \e}{\p t}\right)^2+\f{t}2\e\f{\p\e}{\p t}+\f{t^2}{16}\e^2\right)t^{n-1}e^{\f{t^2}4}dt\\
&=\int_{0}^\infty\left(\f{\p \e}{\p t}\right)^2t^{n-1}e^{\f{t^2}4}dt-\int_0^\infty\left(\f n4+\f{t^2}{16}\right)t^{n-1}e^{\f{t^2}4}\e^2dt,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then
\begin{equation}\aligned
I_0(\e)\ge\int_{0}^\infty\left(\la_1\left(\e e^{\f{t^2}8}\right)^2+t^2\left(\f{\p}{\p t}\left(\e e^{\f{t^2}8}\right)\right)^2\right)t^{n-3} dt.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence by the classical theory for minimal cones (see \cite{Si} or section 6.4 in \cite{X} for instance), if $C\Si$ is a stable minimal cone, then $C\Si$ is a stable self-expander.
If $C\Si$ is a unstable minimal cone, then $\la_1+\f{(n-2)^2}4\le0$ by \cite{Si} or Lemma 6.4.5 in \cite{X}. For any $\ep>0$, we define a Lipschitz function
\begin{equation*}
\e_{\de,R}(t)=\left\{\begin{split}
2\de^{\ep-\f n2}\left(e^{-\f{\de^2}4}-e^{-\f{R^2}4}\right)\left(t-\f\de2\right)&,\qquad \left[\f\de2,\de\right)\\
t^{\ep+1-\f n2}\left(e^{-\f{t^2}4}-e^{-\f{R^2}4}\right)&,\qquad [\de,R)\\
0\qquad&,\qquad \left(0,\f\de2\right)\cup[R,\infty)
\end{split}\right.
\end{equation*}
for any $R>1>\de>0$. By the definition of the functional $I_0$ in \eqref{IJfphi},
\begin{equation}\aligned
I_0(\e_{\de,R})=&\int_{\f\de2}^\de\left(\la_1+\f12t^2+\f{t^2}{(t-\f\de2)^2}\right)\e_{\de,R}^2t^{n-3} e^{\f{t^2}4}dt\\
&+\int_{\de}^R\left(\la_1\e_{\de,R}^2+\f12t^2\e_{\de,R}^2+t^2\left(\f{\p \e_{\de,R}}{\p t}\right)^2\right)t^{n-3} e^{\f{t^2}4}dt.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Set $\e(t)=t^{\ep+1-\f n2}e^{-\f{t^2}4}$ on $(0,\infty)$. Since
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\left|\int_{\f\de2}^\de\left(\la_1+\f12t^2+\f{t^2}{(t-\f\de2)^2}\right)\e_{\de,R}^2t^{n-3} e^{\f{t^2}4}dt\right|\\
\le&\int_{\f\de2}^\de\left|\la_1+\f12t^2+\f{t^2}{(t-\f\de2)^2}\right|4\de^{2\ep-n}\left(t-\f\de2\right)^2t^{n-3}dt\\
\le&4\left(|\la_1|+\f32\right)\int_{\f\de2}^\de\de^{2\ep-n}t^{n-1} dt\le\left(|\la_1|+\f32\right)\f{4}n\de^{2\ep},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\lim_{R\rightarrow\infty,\de\rightarrow0}I_0(\e_{\de,R})=\int_{0}^\infty\left(\la_1\e^2+\f12t^2\e^2+t^2\left(\f{\p \e}{\p t}\right)^2\right)t^{n-3} e^{\f{t^2}4}dt\\
=&\int_0^\infty\left(\la_1t^{2\ep-1}+\f12t^{2\ep+1}+\left(\ep+1-\f n2-\f{t^2}2\right)^2t^{2\ep-1}\right)e^{-\f{t^2}4}dt\\
=&2^{2\ep-1}\int_0^\infty\left(\la_1+2s+\left(\ep+1-\f n2-2s\right)^2\right)s^{\ep-1}e^{-s}ds\\
=&2^{2\ep-1}\left(\left(\la_1+\left(\ep+1-\f n2\right)^2\right)\G(\ep)+2(n-1-2\ep)\G(1+\ep)+4\G(2+\ep)\right),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\G(s)$ is the standard Gamma function $\int_0^\infty t^{s-1}e^{-t}dt$ for $s>0$.
Note $\la_1\le-\f{(n-2)^2}4$ for $n\ge3$ and $\lim_{\ep\rightarrow0^+}\G(\ep)=+\infty$, then for any sufficiently small constant $\ep>0$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\lim_{R\rightarrow\infty,\de\rightarrow0}I_0(\e_{\de,R})<0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence $C\Si$ is a unstable self-expander. We complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\section{Graphic self-expanders}
\subsection{Rotational graphic self-expanders}
We want to study the existence of self-expanders via constructing barrier functions. Rotational symmetric self-expanders are a class of simple but important self-expanders in Euclidean space.
Then \eqref{Graphv} reduces to the following ODE
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Ju}
\mathcal {J}u\triangleq\f{u_{rr}}{1+u_r^2}+\f{n-1}ru_r+\f12ru_r-\f12u=0\qquad \mathrm{on}\ (0,\infty)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
with $n\ge2$, $u'(0)=0$ and $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{u(r)}r=\k>0$.
Set
$$w(r)=\k r+\f{K}r$$
for $r>0$ and some constant $K>0$ to be defined. Clearly, $w_r=\k-\f{K}{r^2}$ and $w_{rr}=\f{2K}{r^3}$. Then
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathcal {J}w=&\f{2K}{r^3(1+w_r^2)}+\f{(n-1)\k}r-\f{(n-1)K}{r^3}+\f12\k r-\f{K}{2r}-\f12\k r-\f{K}{2r}\\
=&\f{2K}{r^3(1+w_r^2)}+\f{(n-1)\k-K}r-\f{(n-1)K}{r^3}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
When $n=2$, we set $K=2+2\k$. For $r\in(0,\sqrt{2}]$,
$$w_r^2=\left(\f{K}{r^2}-\k\right)^2\ge\left(\f{K}{2}-\k\right)^2=1,$$
then obviously $\mathcal{J}w\le0$. For $r\in[\sqrt{2},\infty)$,
$$\mathcal{J}w\le\f{2K}{r^3}+\f{\k-K}r-\f{K}{r^3}=\f{K}{r^3}+\f{\k-K}r\le\f{K}{2r}+\f{\k-K}r=-\f1r<0.$$
Hence we always have $\mathcal{J}w\le0$ on $(0,\infty)$. When $n\ge3$, $\mathcal{J}w\le0$ holds clearly if $K=(n-1)\k$. Namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Jkn-1k}
\mathcal{J}\left(\k r+\f{(n-1)\k}r\right)\le0\qquad \mathrm{for}\ n\ge3.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $\mathcal{J}(\k r)\ge0$. There exists a unique solution $\phi_{\k,R}$ to \eqref{Ju} on $(0,R)$ with $\phi_{\k,R}(R)=\k R>0$ and $\phi_{\k,R}'(0)=0$ (see also \eqref{DP} for the existence). By comparison principle, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
\k r\le \phi_{\k,R}(r)\le \k r+\f Kr\le\k r+\f{n\k+2}r \qquad \mathrm{for}\ r\in[0,R].
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Denote $B_R$ be the ball centered at the origin with radius $R$ in $\R^{n+1}$.
By Lemma \ref{comp}, $\{(x,\phi_{\k,R}(|x|)|\ x\in B_R\}$ is a smooth \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $B_R\times\R$, which implies $\phi_{\k,R}'\ge0$. Hence we have $\k r\le \phi_{\k,R}(r)\le (n+1)\k+2$ for every $r\in[0,1]$.
Let $R\rightarrow\infty$ for $\phi_{\k,R}$, we obtain a function $\phi_\k$ such that $\{(x,\phi_\k(|x|))|\ x\in \R^n\}$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $\R^{n+1}$. Then its singular set has Hausdorff dimension $\le n-7$ in case $n\ge7$ or is empty in case $n\le6$, which follows that $\phi_\k$ is smooth by the regularity of elliptic equations. Moreover, $\phi_\k$ is a smooth solution to \eqref{Ju} with $\phi_\k'\ge \phi_\k'(0)=0$ and $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{\phi_\k(r)}r=\k>0$. In particular,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{phicomp}
0\le& \phi_\k(r)-\k r\le((n+1)\k+2)\min\{1,r^{-1}\} \qquad \mathrm{for}\ r\in(0,\infty).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
We denote
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Mk}
M_\k=\{(x,\phi_\k(|x|))|\ x\in\R^n\}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for such $\phi_\k$, which is a rotational symmetric self-expander.
Now we consider 1-dimensional self-expander, namely, the solution to the following ODE
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{J1u}
\mathcal{J}_1u\triangleq\f{u_{yy}}{1+u_y^2}+\f12yu_y-\f12u=0\qquad \mathrm{on}\ (-\infty,\infty)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
with $\lim_{|y|\rightarrow\infty}\left(\mathrm{sgn}(y)\f{u(y)}y\right)=\k>0$.
Let
$$w(y)=\k y+\f{\tau}y e^{-\f{1}4y^2}$$
with $\tau>0$ to be defined later. Clearly, $w_y=\k-\f{\tau}2 e^{-\f{1}4y^2}-\f{\tau}{y^2} e^{-\f{1}4y^2}$ and
$$w_{yy}=\left(\f{\tau y}4+\f{\tau}{2y}+\f{2\tau}{y^3}\right) e^{-\f{1}4y^2}.$$
Hence
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathcal{J}_1w=\left(\f{1}{1+w_y^2}\left(\f{y}4+\f{1}{2y}+\f{2}{y^3}\right)-\f y4-\f1y\right)\tau e^{-\f{1}4y^2}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Set $\tau=2e\max\{\k,2\}$. When $y\in(0,2)$, we have $w_y\le\k-\f{\tau}2 e^{-1}-\f{\tau}{y^2} e^{-\f{1}4y^2}\le-\f{\tau}{y^2} e^{-\f{1}4y^2}$, and
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathcal{J}_1w\le&\left(\left(\f{y}4+\f{1}{2y}+\f{2}{y^3}\right)\f{y^4}{\tau^2}e^{\f12y^2}-\f y4-\f1y\right)\tau e^{-\f{1}4y^2}\\
\le&\left(\left(\f{y^5}4+\f{y^3}{2}+2y\right)\f{1}{\tau^2}e^{\f12y^2}-1\right)\tau e^{-\f{1}4y^2}\\
\le&\left(\f{16}{\tau^2}e^{2}-1\right)\tau e^{-\f{1}4y^2}\le0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
When $y\ge2$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathcal{J}_1w=\left(\f{y}4+\f{1}{2y}+\f{2}{y^3}-\f y4-\f1y\right)\tau e^{-\f{1}4y^2}\le0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $\mathcal{J}_1(\k y)=0$. There exists a unique solution $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}$ to \eqref{J1u} with $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(y)=\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(-y)$ and $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(\pm R)=\pm\k R$. By symmetry, $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}'(0)=0$. From comparison principle, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
\k y\le \hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(y)\le \k y+\f{\tau}y e^{-\f{1}4y^2}\le\k y+\f{2e(\k+2)}y e^{-\f{1}4y^2} \qquad \mathrm{for}\ y\in[0,R].
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Since $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(y)$ is monotone on $[0,R]$, then $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(y)\le\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(2)\le \k+2$ for $y\in(0,2]$. Therefore,
\begin{equation}\aligned
\k y\le \hat{\phi}_{\k,R}(y)\le\k y+\min\left\{\f{2e(\k+2)}y e^{-\f{1}4y^2},3\k+2\right\} \qquad \mathrm{for}\ y\in[0,R].
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Letting $R\rightarrow\infty$ for $\hat{\phi}_{\k,R}$, we obtain a function $\hat{\phi}_{\k}$ to \eqref{J1u} in $\R$ with $\hat{\phi}_{\k}(y)=\hat{\phi}_{\k}(-y)$ and $\lim_{y\rightarrow\infty}\f{\hat{\phi}_{\k}(y)}y=\k>0$. Further, $\{(y,\hat{\phi}_{\k}(y))|\ y\in \R^1\}$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding curve in $\R^{2}$, which implies that $\hat{\phi}_{\k}$ is smooth. In particular,
\begin{equation}\aligned
0\le& \hat{\phi}_{\k}(y)-\k y\le\min\left\{\f{2e(\k+2)}y e^{-\f{1}4y^2},3\k+2\right\} \qquad \mathrm{for}\ y\in(0,\infty).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\textbf{Remark:} The above estimate may be not sharp in the decay order.
Now we give a Bernstein type theorem for self-expanders. One may compare it with Lemma \ref{area-minimSE}.
\begin{theorem}
Any smooth self-expander whose tangent cone at infinity is a hyperplane with an integer multiplicity, must be a hyperplane.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Let $\Si$ be a smooth self-expander $\R^{n+1}$ with tangent cone $\R^n$ at infinity.
For $n\ge3$, we have two barrier functions $\pm\ep r\pm\f{(n-1)\ep}r$ from \eqref{Jkn-1k}. In other words, by maximum principle $\Si$ is pinched by two graphs
$$\left\{\left(x,\ep|x|+\f{(n-1)\ep}{|x|}\right)\bigg|\ x\in\R^n\setminus\{0\}\right\},\quad \mathrm{and}\ \ \left\{\left(x,-\ep|x|-\f{(n-1)\ep}{|x|}\right)\bigg|\ x\in\R^n\setminus\{0\}\right\}.$$
Letting $\ep\rightarrow0$ implies that $\Si$ is $\R^n$. If $\Si$ is a self-expander in $\R^k$, then $\Si\times\R^2$ is also a self-expander in $\R^{k+2}$. Therefore, we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\subsection{Existence and uniqueness of graphic self-expanders}
Next we shall study the existence and uniqueness of graphic self-expanders with prescribed tangent cones at infinity.
\begin{theorem}\label{Graphuni}
Let $V$ be a 1-homogeneous Lipschitz function on $\R^n$, there exists a unique entire smooth solution $u$ to \eqref{Graphu} with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{u(rx)}r=V(x)$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
We consider the following Dirichlet problem
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DP}
\left\{\begin{array}{cc}
g^{ij}u_{ij}+\f12x_iu_i-\f12u=0 & \quad\ \ \ {\rm{on}} \ B_{k} \\ [3mm]
u=V & \quad\ \ \ {\rm{on}} \ \p B_{k}
\end{array}\right.,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $g^{ij}=\de_{ij}-\f{u_iu_j}{1+|Du|^2}$. There is a unique solution $u_k\in C^\infty(B_k)\cap C^0(\overline{B_k})$ to \eqref{DP} (see \cite{GT} for instance). By the definition of $V$, there exists a constant $l>0$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{VLiplxy}
|V(x)-V(y)|\le l|x-y|\qquad \mathrm{for\ all}\ x,y\in\R^n.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Define a mapping $\mathscr{A}:\ \R^n\rightarrow\R^n$ by
$$\mathscr{A}(Z)=\f{Z}{(1+|Z|^2)^{1/2}}.$$
From \cite{CM1}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{FDuw}
\mathscr{A}(Dv)-\mathscr{A}(Dw)=\left(\int_0^1d\mathscr{A}(Dv+tD(v-w))dt\right) D(v-w)=\sum_{i,j}a_{i,j}\p_{x_j}(v-w)E_i,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{divuw}
\div\left(\f{Dv}{\sqrt{1+|Dv|^2}}\right)-\div\left(\f{Dw}{\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}}\right)=\sum_{i,j}\p_{x_i}\big(a_{i,j}\p_{x_j}(v-w)\big),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where the matrix $(a_{i,j})$ is given by \eqref{FDuw}, and $\{E_i\}$ is a basis of $\R^n$. Moreover, for any unit vector $\xi\in\S^{n-1}$ and $Z\in\R^n$ we see that
\begin{equation}\aligned
\lan \xi,\ d\mathscr{A}(Z)\xi\ran=\left\lan \xi,\ \f{\xi}{(1+|Z|^2)^{1/2}}-\f{\lan Z,\xi\ran}{(1+|Z|^2)^{3/2}}Z\right\ran\ge\f{1}{(1+|Z|^2)^{3/2}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence $(a_{i,j})$ is a positive definite matrix. Suppose that $v,w$ both satisfy the equation \eqref{Graphv}. Combining \eqref{Graphv} and \eqref{divuw}, we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{aijuw}
&\sum_{i,j}\p_{x_i}\big(a_{i,j}\p_{x_j}(v-w)\big)=\f{-x_iv_i+v}{2\sqrt{1+|Dv|^2}}-\f{-x_iw_i+w}{2\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}}\\
=&\f{-x_i\p_{x_i}(v-w)+v-w}{2\sqrt{1+|Dv|^2}}-\f{(-x_iw_i+w)D(v+w)\cdot D(v-w)}{2\sqrt{1+|Dv|^2}\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}\left(\sqrt{1+|Dv|^2}+\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}\right)}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $R$ be an arbitrary large constant, and $k\ge R$. For any $x\in\p B_k$ and $y\in B_R$, by \eqref{VLiplxy} we have
$$u_k(x)=V(x)\le V(y)+l|x-y|\le V(y)+l(k+2R-|y|)=V(y)+l\left(\left(1+\f{2R}k\right)|x|-|y|\right).$$
Let $\phi_s$ be the solution to \eqref{Ju} with $\phi_s'(0)=0$ and $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{\phi_s(r)}{r}=s>0$. Set $l_k=\left(1+\f{2R}k\right)l$, then by \eqref{phicomp}
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_k(x)\le V(y)-l|y|+\phi_{l_k}(|x|)\qquad \mathrm{for\ every}\ x\in\p B_k.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $V(y)\le l|y|$, then by maximum principle for \eqref{aijuw} with $v,w$ replaced by $u_k,\phi_{l_k}$, we conclude that
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_k(x)\le V(y)-l|y|+\phi_{l_k}(|x|)\qquad \mathrm{for\ every}\ x\in B_k.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence for each $y\in B_R$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_k(y)\le& V(y)-l|y|+\phi_{l_k}(|y|)\le V(y)-l|y|+l_k|y|+((n+1)l_k+2)\min\{1,|y|^{-1}\}\\
=&V(y)+\f{2Rl}{k}|y|+\left((n+1)l\left(1+\f{2R}k\right)+2\right)\min\{1,|y|^{-1}\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
On the other hand, for every $x\in\p B_k$ and $y\in B_R$, by \eqref{VLiplxy} we have
$$u_k(x)=V(x)\ge V(y)-l|x-y|\ge V(y)-l\left(\left(1+\f{2R}k\right)|x|-|y|\right).$$
Then from \eqref{phicomp}
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_k(x)\ge V(y)+l|y|-\phi_{l_k}(|x|)\qquad \mathrm{for\ every}\ x\in\p B_k.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $|V(y)|\le l|y|$, then maximum principle for \eqref{aijuw} implies that
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_k(x)\ge V(y)+l|y|-\phi_{l_k}(|x|)\qquad \mathrm{for\ every}\ x\in B_k.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence for each $y\in B_R$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_k(y)\ge& V(y)+l|y|-\varphi_{l_k}(|y|)\ge V(y)+l|y|-l_k|y|-((n+1)l_k+2)\min\{1,|y|^{-1}\}\\
=&V(y)-\f{2Rl}{k}|y|-\left((n+1)l\left(1+\f{2R}k\right)+2\right)\min\{1,|y|^{-1}\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Recall that $u_k$ is a smooth \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $B_k\times\R$ from Lemma \ref{comp}.
Let $k\rightarrow\infty$, we obtain a function $u$ such that $\{(x,u(x))|\ x\in \R^n\}$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $\R^{n+1}$. Then its singular set has Hausdorff dimension $\le n-7$ in case $n\ge7$ or is empty in case $n\le6$, which implies that $u$ is smooth by the regularity of elliptic equations.
Further, $u$ is the solution to \eqref{Graphu} on $\R^n$ with
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{uvVlyminus1}
\left|u(y)-V(y)\right|\le\left((n+1)l+2\right)\min\{1,|y|^{-1}\}\qquad \mathrm{for\ any}\ y\in\R^n.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If $v$ is another entire smooth solution to \eqref{Graphu} with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{v(rx)}r=V(x)$, then $v$ also satisfies the above estimates.
By comparison principle for elliptic equation \eqref{aijuw}, for any $k>1$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\sup_{y\in B_k}\left|u(y)-v(y)\right|\le\sup_{y\in\p B_k}\left|u(y)-v(y)\right|\\
\le&\sup_{y\in\p B_k}\left|u(y)-V(y)\right|+\sup_{y\in\p B_k}\left|v(y)-V(y)\right|\le2\left((n+1)l+2\right)k^{-1},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where \eqref{uvVlyminus1} has been used in the last step of the above inequality.
Letting $k\rightarrow\infty$ implies $v=u$. We complete the proof.
\end{proof}
We can extend the above uniqueness result in a larger class.
\begin{corollary}\label{UGSEV}
Let $V$ be a 1-homogeneous Lipschitz function on $\R^n$, there exists a unique smooth complete self-expander $M$ with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f1rM=\{(x,V(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$.
\end{corollary}
Here, $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f1rM$ denotes the tangent cone of $M$ at infinity (see also the Remark below Theorem \ref{Minimalfoliation}).
\begin{proof}
Let $u$ be the unique entire smooth solution to \eqref{Graphu} with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{u(rx)}r=V(x)$. Denote $\Si=\{(x,u(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$. Suppose that $M$ is a smooth complete self-expander with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f1rM=\{(x,V(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$. Set
\begin{equation}\aligned
\Xi(x)=\sup\{|t-u(x)||\ t\in\R,\ (x,t)\in M\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By Lemma \ref{morepresice01order}, we obtain $\lim_{|x|\rightarrow\infty}\Xi(x)=0$. If $M\neq\{(x,u(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$, there exists a $x_0\in\R^n$ such that $\Xi(x_0)=\sup_{x\in\R^n}\Xi(x)$. Without loss of generality, there is a constant $t_0>u(x_0)$ such that $(x_0,t_0)\in M$ and $\Xi(x_0)=t_0-u(x_0)$. Since $M$ is smooth, we get $D\Xi(x_0)=0$, and then $M$ can be represented as a graph with the graphic function $w_0$ over a small neighborhood $\Om_{0}$ of $x_0$.
By maximum principle for \eqref{aijuw}, we obtain $u\equiv w_0$ on $\Om_0$. Hence we get $M\equiv\{(x,u(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$ and complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\subsection{Asymptotic behavior of graphic mean curvature flow}
In \cite{EH1}, Ecker-Huisken studied the asymptotic behavior of graphic mean curvature flow. Assume that $M_0$ is a graphic hypersurface in $\R^{n+1}$ with bounded gradient whose graphic (height) function $w$ is Lipschitz. Here, the bounded gradient means that
$$\sup_{\R^n}|Dw|\le c_w<\infty$$
for some constant $c_w$. If in addition the estimate
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Xnude}
\lan X,\nu\ran^2\le c_w'\left(1+|X|^2\right)^{1-\de}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
is valid on $M_0$ for some constants $0<c_w'<\infty$, $\de>0$. We can show that for any $x\in\R$ the limit
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{infwtx}
\lim_{t\rightarrow\infty}\f{w(tx)}t
\endaligned
\end{equation}
exists. In fact, for any $t>\tau>0$
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{wttaux}
\f{w(tx)}t-\f{w(\tau x)}{\tau}=\int_\tau^t\f{d}{ds}\left(\f{w(sx)}s\right)ds=\int_\tau^t\f{sx\cdot Dw(sx)-w(sx)}{s^2}ds.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\{E_\a\}_{\a=1}^{n+1}$ be a standard basis of $\R^{n+1}$ and $\nu=\f1{\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}}(-\sum_{i=1}^nw_iE_i+E_{n+1})$ when $w$ is $C^1$-continuous at the considered point. Note that
$$\lan X,\nu\ran=\f{-x_iw_i+w}{\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}}.$$
Then combining \eqref{Xnude} and \eqref{wttaux} we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left|\f{w(tx)}t-\f{w(\tau x)}{\tau}\right|\le\sqrt{c_w'}\sup_{\R^n}\sqrt{1+|Dw|^2}\int_\tau^ts^{-2}\left(1+s^2|x|^2\right)^{\f{1-\de}2}ds.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence the limit \eqref{infwtx} exists, and there is a 1-homogeneous function $V$ on $\R^n$ with
\begin{equation}\aligned
\lim_{t\rightarrow\infty}\left|\f{w(tx)}t-V(x)\right|=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Since $w$ has bounded gradient, then $V$ is Lipschitz. Hence, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{wtV}
\lim_{|x|\rightarrow\infty}\f{|w(x)-V(x)|}{|x|}=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Now we shall use the existence of graphic self-expanders to improve Ecker-Huisken's result in Theorem 5.1 of \cite{EH1} by removing bounded curvature and weakening their hypothesis \eqref{Xnude} replaced by \eqref{wtV}.
\begin{theorem}\label{EHasy}
Let $M_0$ be a graphic hypersurface in $\R^{n+1}$ and the graphic function $w$ be Lipschitz with bounded gradient. Let $t\in[0,\infty)\mapsto M_t$ be the mean curvature flow in $\R^{n+1}$ starting from $M_0$. If there is a 1-homogeneous Lipschitz function $V$ in $\R^n$ satisfying \eqref{wtV}, then $\f1{\sqrt{t}}M_t$ converges as $t\rightarrow\infty$ to a unique smooth graphic self-expander with tangent cone $\{(x,V(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$ at infinity.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Ecker-Huisken has showed that the mean curvature flow $M_t$ is smooth for all $t>0$ in \cite{EH1}.
Let $V_l(x)=V(x)+l|x|$ for all $x\in\R^n$ and $l\in\R$. From Theorem \ref{Graphuni}, there is a smooth self-expander
$$S_l=\mathrm{Graph}(u_l)\triangleq\{(x,u_l(x))|\ x\in\R^n\},$$
which converges to $\mathrm{Graph}(V_l)$ at infinity for every $l\in(-1,1)$. Let $c_\tau$ be a sufficiently large constant such that for every $\tau>0$
$$V_{-\tau}-\f12c_\tau<w<V_{\tau}+\f12c_\tau\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \R^n.$$
For $x\in\R^n$ and $t>0$ we set
$$u_\tau(x,t)=\sqrt{t}\ u_\tau\left(\f{x}{\sqrt{t}}\right)+c_\tau.$$
Then $u_\tau(x,t)$ is a smooth solution to the following parabolic equation
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p}{\p t}u_\tau=\sqrt{1+|Du_\tau|^2}\div\left(\f{Du_\tau}{\sqrt{1+|Du_\tau|^2}}\right) \qquad {\rm{on}} \ \R^n\times(0,\infty).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $M_{\tau}(t)=\{(x,u_\tau(x,t))|\ x\in\R^n\}$, then $\mathcal{M}_\tau:\ t\in[0,\infty)\rightarrow M_{\tau}(t)$ is a mean curvature flow starting from $\mathrm{Graph}(V_\tau+c_\tau)$. For $x\in\R^n$ and $t>0$ we set
$$u_{-\tau}(x,t)=\sqrt{t}\ u_{-\tau}\left(\f{x}{\sqrt{t}}\right)-c_\tau,$$
then $\mathcal{M}_{-\tau}:\ t\in[0,\infty)\rightarrow M_{-\tau}(t)=\{(x,u_{-\tau}(x,t))|\ x\in\R^n\}$ is a mean curvature flow starting from $\mathrm{Graph}(V_{-\tau}-c_\tau)$. Clearly, the graphic function of $\f1{\sqrt{t}}M_{\pm\tau}(t)$ converges to $u_{\pm\tau}$ as $t\rightarrow\infty$ smoothly.
Let $\mathcal{M}:\ t\in[0,\infty)\rightarrow M_t=\{(x,u(x,t))|\ x\in\R^n\}$ be the mean curvature flow starting from $M_0$. Note that $M_{\pm\tau}(t)$ and $u(x,t)$ all have bounded gradient. Since
$$\liminf_{|x|\rightarrow\infty}\left(V_\tau(x)-u(x)\right)=\liminf_{|x|\rightarrow\infty}\left(u(x)-V_{-\tau}(x)\right)=+\infty,$$
then for any fixed $t>0$, we get
$$\liminf_{|x|\rightarrow\infty}\left(u_\tau(x,t)-u(x,t)\right)=\liminf_{|x|\rightarrow\infty}\left(u(x,t)-u_{-\tau}(x,t)\right)=+\infty.$$
By maximum principle of parabolic equations, $M_t$ is below $M_{\tau}(t)$ and above $M_{-\tau}(t)$ for all $t>0$. Namely,
$$u_{-\tau}(x,t)<u(x,t)<u_{\tau}(x,t),\qquad \mathrm{for\ each}\ x\in\R^n,\ t\in(0,\infty).$$
Hence we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
u_{-\tau}\left(x\right)-\f{c_\tau}{\sqrt{t}}=\f{u_{-\tau}(\sqrt{t}x,t)}{\sqrt{t}}<\f{u(\sqrt{t}x,t)}{\sqrt{t}}
<\f{u_{\tau}(\sqrt{t}x,t)}{\sqrt{t}}=u_\tau\left(x\right)+\f{c_\tau}{\sqrt{t}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
So any limit of $\f1{\sqrt{t}}M_t$ is pinched by $S_\tau$ and $S_{-\tau}$ for any $\tau\in(0,1)$. Hence the graphic function of $\f1{\sqrt{t}}M_t$ converges to the graphic function of $S_0$ as $t\rightarrow\infty$ pointwisely, where $S_0$ has tangent cone $\{(x,V(x))|\ x\in\R^n\}$ at infinity. Note that $e^{-\f{\tau}2}M_{e^\tau}$ satisfies the flow
$$\f{d}{d\tau}X=H-\f12X.$$
By the smoothness of $S_0$ and White's regularity theorem, $\f1{\sqrt{t}}M_t$ converges to $S_0$ as $t\rightarrow\infty$ smoothly.
\end{proof}
\section{Asymptotic analysis for self-expanders}
\subsection{A monotonicity formula for varifold self-expanders}
Let $T$ be an $n$-dimensional varifold self-expander in $\R^{n+1}$ with boundary $\p T$ in $B_{R_0}$ for some $R_0>0$.
Set
$$\mathcal{T}: t\in(0,\infty)\rightarrow \mathcal{T}_t=\sqrt{t}T.$$
Let $\phi\in C^1(\R^{n+1}\times\R^+)$ with $\phi(t^{-\f12}\cdot,t)$ having compact support in $\R^{n+1}\setminus B_{R_0}$ for each $t>0$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{ddtphiTt}
&\f{d}{dt}\bigg(\int_{\mathcal{T}_t}\phi(X,t) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\bigg)=\f{d}{dt}\left(t^{\f n2}\int_{\R^{n+1}\times G(n,n+1)}\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) dT(X,\omega)\right)\\
=&\f n2t^{\f n2-1}\int\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) dT(X,\omega)+\f12t^{\f {n-1}2}\int\left\lan X,\overline{\na}\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t)\right\ran dT(X,\omega)\\
&+t^{\f n2}\int\p_s\phi(\sqrt{t}X,s)\big|_{s=t} dT(X,\omega),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $X=(x_1,\cdots,x_{n+1})\in\R^{n+1}$ and $\overline{\na}$ is the Levi-Civita connection of $\R^{n+1}$. If $\omega$ is an $n$-plane with orthonormal basis $E_i$, then we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{divphisqrtt}
\div_\omega\left(\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) X\right)=&\sum_{i=1}^n\left\lan E_i,\overline{\na}_{E_i}(\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) X)\right\ran\\
=&\sum_{i=1}^n\left\lan E_i,X\overline{\na}_{E_i}(\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) )+\phi(\sqrt{t} X,t)E_i\right\ran\\
=&n\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t)+\sqrt{t}\left\lan X,\overline{\na}_\omega\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t)\right\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining \eqref{ddtphiTt} and \eqref{divphisqrtt}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\f{d}{dt}\left(\int_{\sqrt{t}T}\phi(X,t) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\right)=t^{\f n2}\int\p_s\phi(\sqrt{t}X,s)\big|_{s=t} dT(X,\omega)\\
+&\f 12t^{\f n2-1}\int\div_\omega\left(\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) X\right) dT(X,\omega)+\f12t^{\f {n-1}2}\int\left\lan X,\overline{\na}^N\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t)\right\ran dT(X,\omega),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\overline{\na}^N=\overline{\na}-\overline{\na}_\omega$ is gradient in the normal direction.
By the definition of varifold self-expanders \eqref{WeakSE}, we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{phiTaut}
&\f{d}{dt}\left(\int_{\sqrt{t}T}\phi d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\right)=\int_{Y\in\mathcal{T}_t}\p_t\phi(Y,t) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}-\f 12t^{\f n2-1}\int\f{\left|(\sqrt{t}X)^N\right|^2}{2t}\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t) dT(X,\omega)\\
&\qquad\qquad\qquad\qquad\quad+\f12t^{\f {n-1}2}\int\left\lan X,\overline{\na}^N\phi(\sqrt{t}X,t)\right\ran dT(X,\omega)\\
=&\int_{Y\in\mathcal{T}_t}\p_t\phi(Y,t) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}-\int_{Y\in\mathcal{T}_t}\f{|Y^N|^2}{4t^2}\phi(Y,t) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}+\int_{Y\in\mathcal{T}_t}\left\lan \f{Y}{2t},\overline{\na}^N\phi(Y,t)\right\ran d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
In particular, $\mathcal{T}$ is a Brakke flow(see \cite{Br} or 8.3 in this paper for $s$-Brakke motion).
There is a monotonicity formula for the Brakke flow $\mathcal{T}$ with boundary as follows(see \cite{Il2} by Ilmanen, and \cite{H1} by Huisken for the case without boundary).
\begin{lemma}\label{MonotoB}
Let $\r(X,t)=\left(4\pi(t_0-t)\right)^{-n/2}\exp\left(-\f{|X-X_0|^2}{4(t_0-t)}\right)$ with $0<t<t_0$, then for almost all $R\ge R_0$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{d}{d t}\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}\setminus B_{\sqrt{t}R}}\r d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}=&\f12 t^{-\f12}\int_{\p(\mathcal{T}_{t}\cap B_{\sqrt{t}R})}\left(\f{|X^T|}{t}+\left\lan\f{(X-X_0)^T}{t_0-t},\f{X^T}{|X^T|}\right\ran\right)\r d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\\
&-\f14\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}\setminus B_{\sqrt{t}R}}\left|\f{X^N}{t}+\f{(X-X_0)^N}{t_0-t}\right|^2\r d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Let $\tau=t_0-t$ and $\e$ be a smooth function with compact support in $\R^{n+1}\setminus B_{R_0}$. Denote $\bar{\e}(X,t)=\e(t^{-\f12}X)$ for $X\in\R^{n+1}$ and $t>0$. By \eqref{phiTaut} for $\r\bar{\e}$ we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{d}{d t}\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\bar{\e}d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}=&
\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\left(\bar{\e}_t+\left\lan\f{X}{2t},\overline{\na}^N\bar{\e}\right\ran\right)d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\\
&-\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\bar{\e}\left(\f{|X^N|^2}{4t^2}+\f{\lan X^N,X-X_0\ran}{4t\tau}-\f n{2\tau}+\f{|X-X_0|^2}{4\tau^2}\right) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By \eqref{WeakSE}, we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\int_{\R^{n+1}\times G(n,n+1)}\div_\omega\left(\f{X-X_0}{2\tau}\r\bar{\e}\right)d\mathcal{T}_t(X,\omega)\\
=&-\int_{\R^{n+1}\times G(n,n+1)}\f{\lan X^N,X-X_0\ran}{4t\tau}\r\bar{\e} d\mathcal{T}_t(X,\omega).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Since $\r^{-1}\div_\omega\left(\f{X-X_0}{2\tau}\r\bar{\e}\right)=-\f{1}{4\tau^2}\left|(X-X_0)^T\right|^2+\f n{2\tau}+\f1{2\tau}\lan X-X_0,\overline{\na}^T\bar{\e}\ran$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\f{d}{d t}\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\bar{\e}d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}=
\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\left(\bar{\e}_t+\left\lan\f{X^N}{2t}-\f{(X-X_0)^T}{2\tau},\overline{\na}\bar{\e}\right\ran\right)d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\\
&-\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\bar{\e}\bigg(\f{|X^N|^2}{4t^2}-\f{|(X-X_0)^T|^2}{4\tau^2}+\f n{2\tau}+\f{\lan X^N,X-X_0\ran}{2t\tau}-\f n{2\tau}+\f{|X-X_0|^2}{4\tau^2}\bigg) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\\
=&\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\left(-\f12t^{-\f32}\left\lan X,\overline{\na}\e(t^{-\f12}X)\right\ran+\left\lan\f{X^N}{2t}-\f{(X-X_0)^T}{2\tau},t^{-\f12}\overline{\na}\e(t^{-\f12}X)\right\ran\right)d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\\
&-\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\r\bar{\e}\left(\f{|X^N|^2}{4t^2}+\f{|(X-X_0)^N|^2}{4\tau^2}+\f{\lan X^N,(X-X_0)^N\ran}{2t\tau}\right) d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}\\
=&-\f12 t^{-\f12}\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\left\lan\f{X^T}{t}+\f{(X-X_0)^T}{\tau},\overline{\na}\e(t^{-\f12}X)\right\ran \r d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}-\f14\int_{\mathcal{T}_{t}}\left|\f{X^N}{t}+\f{(X-X_0)^N}{\tau}\right|^2\r\bar{\e} d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_t}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
It is clearly that $\p (T\cap\p B_{R})$ has outward unit normal vector $-\f{X^T}{|X^T|}$ almost everywhere for almost all $R\ge R_0$. Letting $\e$ converging to the characteristic function $\chi_{_{B_{R}}}$ on $B_{R}$, we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
We assume that the multiplicity function of the varifold $T$ is 1 a.e. and $\f1rT$ converges to $|\llbracket C\rrbracket|$ locally in the varifold sense as $r\rightarrow\infty$. Here, $C$ is an embedded cone in $\R^{n+1}$, i.e., a cone over a smooth compact, embedded hypersurface without boundary in the sphere $\S^n$.
For any $\textbf{X}=(X,t)\in\R^{n+1}\times\R$ and $0<r<t$, we define the \emph{Gaussian density ratio} of $\mathcal{T}$ at $\textbf{X}$ with radius $r$ by
\begin{equation}\aligned
\Th(\mathcal{T},\textbf{X},r)=\int_{Y\in \mathcal{T}_{t-r^2}}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Y-X|^2}{4r^2}}d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_{t-r^2}}=\int_{Z\in\sqrt{\f{t}{r^2}-1}T-\f{X}r}\f1{(4\pi )^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Z|^2}{4}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Due to $C=\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f1rT$ in the varifold sense, it follows that for any fixed $t>0$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\sup_{|X|\ge\f1{\ep}}\Th(\mathcal{T},\textbf{X},\sqrt{t})=&\sup_{|X|\ge\f1\ep}\int_{Z\in C-\f{X}{\sqrt{t}}}\f1{(4\pi )^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Z|^2}{4}}\\
=&\sup_{|X|\ge\f1{\ep\sqrt{t}}}\int_{Z\in C-X}\f1{(4\pi )^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Z|^2}{4}}.\\
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Thus for any $\ep>0$, there is a constant $\ep'=\ep'(\ep)>0$ such that
$$\sup_{|X|\ge\f1{\ep'},t\in(0,2]}\Th(\mathcal{T},\textbf{X},\sqrt{t})\le\sup_{|X|\ge\f1{\sqrt{2}\ep'}}\int_{Z\in C-X}\f1{(4\pi )^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Z|^2}{4}}<1+\f{\ep}2.$$
For the sufficiently small $\ep'>0$, from Lemma \ref{MonotoB} with some $R\in(R_0,R_0+1)$, we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\Th(\mathcal{T},\textbf{X},r)\le\int_{Y\in \mathcal{T}_{t-r^2}\setminus B_{\sqrt{t-r^2}R}}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Y-X|^2}{4r^2}}d\mu_{\mathcal{T}_{t-r^2}}+\f{\ep}4\\
<&\int_0^{t-r^2}\f12s^{-\f12}\left(\int_{Y\in \p\left(\mathcal{T}_{s}\setminus B_{\sqrt{s}R}\right)}\left(\f{|Y|}{s}+\f{|Y-X|}{t-s}\right)\f{e^{-\f{|Y-X|^2}{4(t-s)}}}{(4\pi(t-s))^{n/2}}\right)ds\\
&+\int_{Z\in C-\f{X}{\sqrt{t}}}\f1{(4\pi )^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Z|^2}{4}}+\f{\ep}4\\
<&\f{1}{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{\left|\f1{\ep'}-\sqrt{2}R\right|^2}{4r^2}}\int_0^{t-r^2}\left(\int_{\p\left(\mathcal{T}_{s}\setminus B_{\sqrt{s}R}\right)}\left(\f{R}{2s}+\f{\left|\sqrt{2}R+\f1{\ep'}\right|}{2r^2\sqrt{s}}\right)\right)ds+1+\f{3\ep}4\\
<&\f{\ep}4+1+\f{3\ep}4=1+\ep
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $0<r\le\sqrt{t}\le\sqrt{2}$, and any $\textbf{X}=(X,t)$ with $|X|\ge\f1{\ep'}$ and $t\in(0,2]$. In particular, taking $t=1+r^2$ and $r\rightarrow0$ implies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{monoTXr}
\limsup_{r\rightarrow0}\left(\int_{Y\in T}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Y-X|^2}{4r^2}}d\mu_T\right)
\le1+\ep
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $|X|\ge\f1{\ep'}$.
\subsection{Allard's type regularity theorem and decay at infinity for varifold self-expanders}
\begin{theorem}\label{weaksmooth}
If $T$ is a multiplicity one $n$-varifold self-expander in $\R^{n+1}$ with boundary $\p T$ in $B_{R_0}$, and its tangent cone at infinity is $|\llbracket C\rrbracket|$. Then there exists a small constant $\ep_1>0$ depending only on $n,C$ and $\sup_{x\in\p T}|x|$ such that $\mathrm{spt}T\setminus B_{\f1{\ep_1}}$ is smooth.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Let $\mathcal{H}^{k}(K)$ denote the $k$-dimensional Hausdorff measure of $K$ for any constant $k\ge0$ and any set $K$ in Euclidean space.
We claim that for every $X\in T\llcorner\left(\R^{n+1}\setminus B_{\f{2}{\ep'}}\right)$ (one may find the definition of the natation '$\llcorner$' in Chapter 15 in \cite{S}), there is a sufficiently small $\r_0>0$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{dens}
\f{\mathcal{H}^n(T\llcorner B_{\r_0}(X))}{\omega_n\r_0^n}\le1+2\ep,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\omega_n$ is the volume of $n$-dimensional unit ball $B_1\subset\R^n$. If not, there exist a point $X_0\in T\llcorner\left(\R^{n+1}\setminus B_{\f{2}{\ep'}}\right)$ and a sequence $\r_1>\r_2>\cdots>\r_i\rightarrow0$ such that
$$\f{\mathcal{H}^n(T\llcorner B_{\r_i}(X_0))}{\omega_n\r_i^n}>1+2\ep,$$
for all $i\ge1$. By the monotonicity identity 17.3 in \cite{S} and the definition of generalized mean curvature of varifold self-expander $T$, we get
$$\f{d}{d\r}\left(\f{\mathcal{H}^n(T\llcorner B_{\r}(X_0))}{\omega_n\r^n}\right)\ge-\f12\left(|X_0|+\r\right).$$
Suppose that $\r_1$ is sufficiently small, then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Trep}
\f{\mathcal{H}^n(T\llcorner B_{\r}(X_0))}{\omega_n\r^n}>1+\f32\ep,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for every $\r\in(\r_i,\r_1]$. Clearly, we can force $\r_i\rightarrow0$, such that the inequality \eqref{Trep} holds on $(0,\r_1]$.
For $\textbf{X}_0=(X_0,1+r^2)$, the Gaussian density ratio
\begin{equation}\aligned
\Th(\mathcal{T},\textbf{X}_0,r)=&\int_{Y\in T}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Y-X_0|^2}{4r^2}}d\mu_T\ge\int_{Y\in T\cap B_{\r_1}(X_0)}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{|Y-X_0|^2}{4r^2}}d\mu_T\\
=&\int_0^{\r_1}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{\r^2}{4r^2}}\f{d}{d\r}\mathcal{H}^n(T\llcorner B_\r(X_0))d\r\\
=&\int_0^{\r_1}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{\r^2}{4r^2}}\f{\r}{2r^2}\mathcal{H}^n(T\llcorner B_\r(X_0))d\r\\
\ge&\left(1+\f32\ep\right)\omega_n\int_0^{\r_1}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{n/2}}e^{-\f{\r^2}{4r^2}}\f{\r}{2r^2}\r^nd\r\\
=&\left(1+\f32\ep\right)\f{\omega_n}{\pi^{n/2}}\int_0^{\f{\r_1^2}{4r^2}}t^{n/2}e^{-t}dt,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\omega_n=\f{\pi^{n/2}}{\G(\f n2+1)}$.
Then for any sufficiently small $r\in(0,\r_1)$ we have
$$\Th(\mathcal{T},\textbf{X}_0,r)>1+\ep,$$
which is in contradiction to \eqref{monoTXr}. Hence the inequality \eqref{dens} holds. By Allard's regularity theorem(see Theorem 24.2 in \cite{S} for instance) and the equation of self-expanders, we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
Denote $0\left(\mathrm{spt}T\right)=C$ for convenience.
In the above theorem, we have obtained that
$t\in[0,\infty)\rightarrow \sqrt{t}\left(\mathrm{spt}T\right)$ is a smooth mean curvature flow on $\left(\R^{n+1}\setminus B_1\right)\times[0,\ep_1^2]$. So there is a constant $c_{\ep_1,k}$ depending only on $\ep_1,k$ and $n$ such that for any $\mathbf{X}=(X,t)\in\left(\overline{B_2}\setminus B_1\right)\times[0,\ep_1^2]$, and $k\in\N$
$$|\na^kA_{\sqrt{t}T}(X)|\le c_{\ep_1,k},$$
where $\na^kA_{\sqrt{t}T}(X)$ is the $k$-th order derivative of the second fundamental form of $\sqrt{t}\left(\mathrm{spt}T\right)$ at $X$. Hence for any $r\ge\f1{\ep_1}$
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{nakA}
|\na^kA|\le \f{c_{\ep_1,k}}{r^{k+1}}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
on $\left(B_{2r}\setminus B_r\right)\cap \mathrm{spt}T$, where $\na^kA$ is the $k$-th order derivative of the second fundament form of $\mathrm{spt}T$.
In other words, $\f1r(\mathrm{spt}T)$ converges to $C$ locally smoothly as $r\rightarrow\infty$. Namely, for any $k\in\N^+$ and any compact set $K\subset\R^{n+1}\setminus\{0\}$, $\f1r(\mathrm{spt}T)\cap K$ converges to $C\cap K$ in the $C^k$-topology as $r\rightarrow\infty$.
Set $A_C$ be the second fundamental form of $C\setminus\{0\}$. Then there is a constant $c>0$ such that the norm of the second fundamental form $|A_C(x)|\le\f{c}{|x|}$ at $x\in C\setminus\{0\}$. Let's recall that $c$ denotes a positive constant depending only on $n$ and the cone $C$ but will be allowed to change from line to line.
For any point $z\in \mathrm{spt}T$ we define a set $E_z$ by $\{\xi_z\in C\big|\, |z-\xi_z|=\mathrm{dist}(z,C)\triangleq\inf_{y\in C} |y-z|\}$. From $\f1r\left(\mathrm{spt}T\right)\rightarrow C$ locally smoothly, $|\xi_z|\ge\f{|z|}2$ for the large $|z|>0$. Then we have
$$|z-\xi_z|\cdot|A_C(\xi_z)|\le c\f{\mathrm{dist}(z,C)}{|\xi_z|}\le 2c\f{\mathrm{dist}(z,C)}{|z|}$$
and
$$ \limsup_{z\in \mathrm{spt}T,|z|\rightarrow\infty}\left(\sup_{\xi_z\in E_z}|z-\xi_z|\cdot|A_C(\xi_z)|\right)\le 2c\limsup_{z\in \mathrm{spt}T,|z|\rightarrow\infty}\left(\f{\mathrm{dist}(z,C)}{|z|}\right)=0.$$
So there is a constant $R_1>\f1{\ep_1}$ such that for each $z\in \mathrm{spt}T\setminus B_{R_1}$, $E_z$ only includes a point denoted by $z_{_C}$(see also the proof of Lemma 2.3 in \cite{W}). Hence we can define a function $f$ by
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{fXy}
z_{_C}+f(z_{_C})\nu_C=z,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\nu_C$ is the unit normal vector of $C$ at $z_{_C}$ pointing to $z$. Since $\f1r\left(\mathrm{spt}T\right)$ converges to $C$ smoothly on $\overline{B_4}\setminus B_{\f12}$ as $r\rightarrow\infty$,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{na0123finfty}
\limsup_{y\in C,|y|\rightarrow\infty}\left(\sum_{i=0,3}|y|^{i-1}|\na^i_Cf(y)|\right)=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
So there is a constant $R_2>R_1$ such that $f$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{na01fep2}
\sum_{i=0,3}|y|^{i-1}|\na^i_Cf(y)|\le \f1{100}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for every $y\in C\setminus B_{R_2}$, and $0\le i\le3$. Moreover, we have the following estimates.
\begin{lemma}\label{morepresice01order}
There is a constant $R_3\ge R_2$ depending on $n,C$ and $\sup_{x\in\p T}|x|$, such that at $y\in C\setminus B_{R_3}$,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{naCf518}
|\na_C^{i}f(y)|\le c|y|^{-i-1}\qquad \mathrm{for}\ i=0,1.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
For any $x_0\in C\setminus B_{R_2}$, there is a unique hyperplane $P\subset\R^{n+1}$ through $0,x_0$ such that $P$ is tangent to $C$ at $x_0$. In a small tubular neighborhood of the radial line $\{tx_0|\ t\ge R_3\}$ for a sufficiently large constant $R_3\ge R_2$, $\mathrm{spt}T$ can be seen as a graph over an open set $P_0\subset P$ with the graphic function $u$ and $tx_0\in P_0$ for all $t\ge R_3$. From \eqref{na01fep2}, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{na01uep2}
|u(x)|+|x|\cdot|Du(x)|\le\f1{50}|x|
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{na123uep2}
|D^{i+1}u(x)|\le c|x|^{-i}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for every $x\in P_0$, and $1\le i\le2$. Clearly, $u(x_0)=f(x_0)$. The normal vector to $T$ at $x_0$ is
$$\f{-\na_Cf(x_0)+\nu_C(x_0)}{\sqrt{1+|\na_Cf(x_0)|^2}}=\f{-Du(x_0)+\nu_C(x_0)}{\sqrt{1+|Du(x_0)|^2}},$$
which implies $\na_Cf(x_0)=Du(x_0)$. Hence from \eqref{na0123finfty} we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{tutx01}
\lim_{t\rightarrow\infty}\big(t^{-1}|u(tx_0)|+|x_0|\cdot|Du(tx_0)|\big)=0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and then
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{u(x_0)}{|x_0|}=-\int_1^\infty\f{\p}{\p t}\left(\f{u(tx_0)}{t|x_0|}\right)dt=\int_1^\infty\f{-tx_0\cdot Du(tx_0)+u(tx_0)}{t^2|x_0|}dt.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining \eqref{Graphu}\eqref{na01uep2} and \eqref{na123uep2} one gets
\begin{equation}\aligned
|u(x_0)|\le&\int_1^\infty\f{\left|-tx_0\cdot Du(tx_0)+u(tx_0)\right|}{t^2}dt=\f12\int_1^\infty t^{-2}\left|\sum_{i,j}g^{ij}u_{ij}\Big|_{tx_0}\right|dt\\
\le&\f{\sqrt{n}}2\int_1^\infty t^{-2}\left|D^2u(tx_0)\right|dt\le\f{\sqrt{n}}2\int_1^\infty t^{-2}\f{c}{t|x_0|}dt=\f{\sqrt{n}c}{4|x_0|}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Taking derivative for \eqref{Graphu} in $x_k$ direction, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
2\p_{x_k}\left(\sum_{i,j}g^{ij}u_{ij}\right)=-\sum_ix_iu_{ik}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Then by \eqref{na01uep2}\eqref{na123uep2}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left|\sum_ix_iu_{ik}\right|\le c|x|^{-2}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left|u_k(x_0)\right|=&\left|\int_1^\infty\f{\p}{\p t}u_k(tx_0)dt\right|=\left|\int_1^\infty\sum_ix_0\cdot Du_{k}(tx_0)dt\right|\\
\le&\int_1^\infty\f{c}{t^3|x_0|^2}dt=\f{c}{2|x_0|^2}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
We complete the proof.
\end{proof}
Let $S$ be a scaling $n$-dimensional smooth self-expander outside a compact set, whose mean curvature
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Sp}
H_S=p\lan X,\nu\ran
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for some constant $p\in(0,1]$. Suppose that the tangent cone of $\llbracket S\rrbracket$ at infinity is also $\llbracket C\rrbracket$. Similarly, we can define a function $\tilde{f}$ on $S\setminus B_{\f12r_{_S}}$ such that $\mathrm{spt}T$ is a graph over $S\setminus B_{\f12r_{_S}}$ with the graphic function $\tilde{f}$ outside a compact set. Here $r_{_S}\ge4R_3$ is a positive constant depending only on $n,C$ and $\sup_{x\in\p S}|x|$. For any $z\in \mathrm{spt}T\setminus B_{\f23r_{_S}}$ there is a unique point $z_{_S}\in S$ such that $\tilde{f}(z_{_S})=|z-z_{_S}|=\mathrm{dist}(z,S)\triangleq\inf_{y\in S}|z-y|$. Then $z= z_{_S}+\tilde{f}(z_{_S})\nu_S$ with the normal vector $\nu_S$ of $S$ at $z_{_S}$. Further,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{YStf0}
\limsup_{z_{_S}\in S,|z_{_S}|\rightarrow\infty}\left(\sum_{i=0,3}|z_{_S}|^{i-1}\left|\na^i_S\tilde{f}(z_{_S})\right|\right)=0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\na_S$ is the Levi-Civita connection of $S$. Assume that $S$ is a graph over $C\setminus B_{\f14r_{_S}}$ with the graphic function $\zeta$ outside a compact set.
There is a point $z_{_C}\in C$ such that $z_{_C}+f(z_{_C})\nu_C=z$. By the definition of $\tilde{f}$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{YStf1}
\tilde{f}(z_{_S})\le |z-z_{_C}-\zeta(z_{_C})\nu_C|\le|z-z_{_C}|+|\zeta(z_{_C})|\le c|z_{_S}|^{-1}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
There exists a point $\hat{z}_{_C}\in C$ such that $\hat{z}_{_C}+\z(\hat{z}_{_C})\nu_C=z_S$. The slopes of $f$ at $z_{_C}$ and $\z$ at $\hat{z}_{_C}$ are both bounded by $c|z_{_C}|^{-2}$. Let $\th_{z}$ denotes the angle between the tangent space of $S$ at $z_{_S}$, and the tangent space of $T$ at $z$, then $|\th_z|\le c|z_{_S}|^{-2}$. Hence the slope of $\tilde{f}$ at $z_{_S}$ is bounded by $c|z_{_S}|^{-2}$, namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{YStf2}
|\na_S\tilde{f}(z_{_S})|\le c|z_{_S}|^{-2}\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \ S\setminus B_{r_{_S}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\subsection{Linearisation and the Jacobi field operator on self-expanders}
For any smooth hypersurface $S\subset\R^{n+1}$ (maybe with boundary) and any $C^2$-function $\mathcal{F}$ on $S$, we define
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LSFSE}
L_S\mathcal{F}\triangleq\De_S\mathcal{F}+\f12\lan x,\na_S\mathcal{F}\ran+\left(|A_S|^2-\f12\right)\mathcal{F}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
at $x\in S$, where $\De_S$, $\na_S$, $A_S$ and $H_S$ are Laplacian, the Levi-Civita connection, the second fundamental form and mean curvature of $S$ in $\R^{n+1}$, respectively.
Let $\{e_i\}_{i=1}^n$ be an orthonormal basis at any considered point of $C\setminus\{0\}$, we define the mean curvature of $C$ by $H_C=\lan\overline{\na}_{e_i}e_i,\nu_C\ran$.
Analog to self-shrinkers (Lemma 2.4 of L. Wang \cite{W}), we obtain the following lemma.
\begin{lemma}\label{5.4Asp}
There are constants $R_4,c>0$ depending only on $n,C$ and $\sup_{x\in\p T}|x|$, such that at $x\in C\setminus B_{R_4}$,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LCDeCACQf}
L_Cf+H_C=Q_{C}(x,f,\na_Cf,\na^2_Cf),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $L_Cf$ is defined by \eqref{LSFSE} and the function $Q_{C}(x,f,\na_Cf,\na^2_Cf)$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned
|Q_{C}(x,f,\na_Cf,\na^2_Cf)|\le c|x|^{-3}\left(|x|\cdot|f|+|\na_Cf|\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
In a neighborhood of $x_0\in C$ with $|x_0|> R_4$, there is a domain $U_0$ including 0 in $\R^n$ so that we can choose a local parametrization of $C$, and a map $F:\ U_0\rightarrow C$ such that $F(0)=x_0$, $\lan\p_iF(0),\p_jF(0)\ran=\de_{ij}$ and $\p_{ij}^2F(0)=h_{ij}\mathbf{n}(x_0)$ with $h_{ij}=\lan\overline{\na}_{\p_iF}\p_jF,\mathbf{n}\ran$ and $h_{ij}(0)=0$ if $i\neq j$. Here $\mathbf{n}(x_0)=\nu_C(x_0)$. Then we have $\p_i\mathbf{n}=-\sum_jh_{ij}\p_jF$. In a neighborhood of $y_0=x_0+f(x_0)\mathbf{n}(x_0)$, there is a local parameterization of $M$, $\widetilde{F}:\ U_0\rightarrow M$ such that
$$\widetilde{F}(p)=F(p)+f(p)\mathbf{n}(p),$$
for $p\in U_0$. Here, one has identified $f(p)$ and $\mathbf{n}(p)$ with $f(F(p))$ and $\mathbf{n}(F(p))$ as in \cite{W}, respectively. For avoiding confusion, we use the notation $\mathbf{n}$ instead of $\nu_C$ in this proof. At $p=0\in U_0$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
\p_i\widetilde{F}=\p_iF+(\p_if)\mathbf{n}+f\p_i\mathbf{n}=\p_iF+(\p_if)\mathbf{n}-f\sum_jh_{ij}\p_jF=(1-h_{ii}f)\p_iF+(\p_if)\mathbf{n},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and the normal vector to $M$ at $\widetilde{F}(0)$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathbf{N}=-\sum_k\left(\prod_{l\neq k}(1-h_{ll}f)\right)(\p_kf)\p_kF+\prod_k(1-h_{kk}f)\mathbf{n}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By the proof of Lemma 2.4 in \cite{W}, we get at $p=0$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left\lan \widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran=-\sum_k\left(\prod_{l\neq k}(1-h_{ll}f)\right)\lan F,\p_kF\ran(\p_kf)+\left(\lan F,\mathbf{n}\ran+f\right)\prod_k(1-h_{kk}f),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned
\Big\lan &\p_{ij}^2\widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\Big\ran=h_{ii}(\p_if)(\p_jf)\prod_{k\neq i}(1-h_{kk}f)+h_{jj}(\p_if)(\p_jf)\prod_{k\neq j}(1-h_{kk}f)\\
&+\left(h_{ij}-h_{ii}h_{jj}\de_{ij}f+\p_{ij}^2f\right)\prod_k(1-h_{kk}f)+f\sum_k\left(\prod_{l\neq k}(1-h_{ll}f)\right)(\p_jh_{ik})(\p_kf).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $\lan F(0),\mathbf{n}\ran=\lan x_0,\mathbf{n}\ran=0$ as $C$ is a cone.
By \eqref{naCf518}, clearly we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{hFN}
\left\lan \widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran=\left(f-\sum_k\lan F,\p_kF\ran(\p_kf)\right)\prod_k(1-h_{kk}f)+Q_0(x,f,\na_Cf),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{hFijN}
&\left\lan \p_{ij}^2\widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran=\left(h_{ij}-h_{ii}h_{jj}\de_{ij}f+\p_{ij}^2f\right)\prod_k(1-h_{kk}f)+Q_{1ij}(x,f,\na_Cf),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $|Q_{0}(x,f,\na_Cf)|\le c|f|\cdot|\na_Cf|$, $|Q_{1ij}(x,f,\na_Cf)|\le c|x_0|^{-1}|\na_Cf|^2+c|x_0|^{-2}|f|\cdot|\na_Cf|$.
Let $g=g_{ij}dx_idx_j$ be the metric of $M$ with 1-form $dx_i$ on $U_0$. Then
\begin{equation*}\aligned
g_{ij}=\lan\p_i\widetilde{F},\p_j\widetilde{F}\ran=(1-h_{ii}f)(1-h_{jj}f)\de_{ij}+(\p_if)(\p_jf).
\endaligned
\end{equation*}
Hence
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{gupijQ2ij}
g^{ij}=&\f{\de_{ij}}{(1-h_{ii}f)(1-h_{jj}f)}-\f{(\p_if)(\p_jf)}{1+\sum_i\f{(\p_if)^2}{(1-h_{ii}f)^2}}\\
=&\de_{ij}(1+h_{ii}f+h_{jj}f)+Q_{2ij}(x,f,\na_Cf),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $|Q_{2ij}(x,f,\na_Cf)|\le c|x_0|^{-2}f^2+c|\na_Cf|^2$ by \eqref{naCf518}. Since $\mathrm{spt}T\setminus B_{R_1}$ is a smooth self-expander, then
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left\lan\De_T\widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran=\f12\left\lan \widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{gupijhFijN}
\sum_{i,j}g^{ij}\left\lan\p_{ij}^2\widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran=\f12\left\lan \widetilde{F},\mathbf{N}\right\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining \eqref{hFN}-\eqref{gupijQ2ij},\eqref{gupijhFijN}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
\sum_{k}\p_{kk}^2f+\f12\sum_k\lan F,\p_kF\ran(\p_kf)+\left(|A_C|^2-\f12\right)f+H_C+Q_3(x,f,\na_Cf,\na_C^2f)=0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{5.44Q3}
|Q_3(x,f,\na_Cf,\na_C^2f)|\le& c\big(Q_0(x,f,\na_Cf)+Q_{1ij}(x,f,\na_Cf)\\
&+Q_{2ij}(x,f,\na_Cf)\left(|\na_C^2f|+|x_0|^{-1}\right)+|x_0|^{-1}f|\na_C^2f|\big)\\
\le&c\left(Q_0(x,f,\na_Cf)+Q_{1ij}(x,f,\na_Cf)+|x_0|^{-2}|f|\right)\\
\le&c|x_0|^{-3}\left(|x_0|\cdot|f|+|\na_Cf|\right),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where we have used \eqref{na01fep2} and \eqref{naCf518} in the above inequality.
By
\begin{equation}\aligned
\sum_{k}\p_{kk}^2f(p)=&\sum_{k}\p_{kk}^2f(F(p))=\sum_k\p_k\left\lan\na_Cf,\p_kF\right\ran\\
=&\De_Cf+\sum_k\left\lan\na_Cf,\p_{kk}^2F\right\ran=\De_Cf+\sum_k\left\lan\na_Cf,h_{kk}\mathbf{n}\right\ran=\De_Cf,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
Analog to the computation in the proof of Theorem \ref{LCDeCACQf}, from \eqref{YStf0}-\eqref{YStf2} we get the following corollary.
\begin{corollary}\label{sosse}
Let $S$ be a scaling $n$-dimensional smooth self-expander satisfying \eqref{Sp} for some constant $p\in(0,1]$ outside a compact set.
If a self-expander $T$ can be represented as a smooth graph over $S$ with the smooth graphic function $f$ outside a compact set, and with the same embedded tangent cone $C$ at infinity as $S$. Then there is a constant $\tilde{r}_{_S}>r_{_S}>0$, such that at $x\in S\setminus B_{\tilde{r}_{_S}}$,
\begin{equation}\aligned
L_Sf+\left(1-\f1{2p}\right)H_{S}=Q_{S}(x,f,\na_Sf,\na^2_Sf),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where the function $Q_{S}(x,f,\na_Sf,\na^2_Sf)$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned
|Q_{S}(x,f,\na_Sf,\na^2_Sf)|\le c|x|^{-3}\left(|x|\cdot|f|+|\na_Sf|\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{corollary}
Now we consider an operator $L_0$ defined by
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{L0www}
L_0w=r^{1-n}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\f{\p}{\p r}\left(e^{\f{r^2}4}r^{n-1}\f{\p w}{\p r}\right)-\f w2.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For any $\tau\in\R$ and $r>0$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Lsnepr2}
L_0\left(r^{-n-1+\tau}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\right)=\left(-\f{\tau}2+\f{3(n+1)-(n+4)\tau+\tau^2}{r^2}\right)r^{-n-1+\tau}e^{-\f{r^2}4}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Then for any $s\in\R$
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{L0rnrn2}
L_0\left(t(r+s)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\right)=tr^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\left(\f s2+\f{3n+3}{r}+\f{4n+8}{r^2}s\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\Si$ be an $(n-1)$-dimensional smooth hypersurface in $\S^n$ and $C=C\Si$ is a cone over $\Si$. Let $A_\Si$ denote the second fundamental form of $\Si$. Denote $x=r\xi\in C\Si\setminus\{0\}$ with $r>0$ and $\xi\in\Si$. For any $\psi\in C^2(\Si\times\R^+)=C^2(C\Si\setminus\{0\})$, by \eqref{LSFSE} we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LCDeSiLsf}
L_C\psi=L_0\psi+\f1{r^2}\left(\De_\Si+|A_\Si|^2\right)\psi.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Clearly, $\De_\Si+|A_\Si|^2$ is an elliptic operator with eigenfunctions $\{\varphi_k\}_{k=1}^\infty$ (with $\varphi_1>0$) and corresponding eigenvalues $\la_1<\la_2\le\la_3\le\cdots\le\la_k\cdots$. Namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DeSivaiphik}
\De_\Si\varphi_k+|A_\Si|^2\varphi_k+\la_k\varphi_k=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
We assume $\int_\Si|\varphi_k|^2=1$ for each $k$, then $\{\varphi_k\}_{k=1}^\infty$ forms an orthonormal basis of $L^2(\Si)$.
\subsection{Asymptotic decay estimates for self-expanders}
Recall the definition for the mean convex cone in section 1 of this paper.
\begin{lemma}\label{lowgse}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded mean convex cone pointing into $\Om$ in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p\Om=C$. If outside a compact set, $M$ is a smooth self-expander in $\Om$, which is a graph over $C$ with the positive graphic function $f$. Then there are constants $\ep_2>0$ and $R_5>0$ such that on $C\setminus B_{R_5}$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
f(\xi r)\ge\ep_2r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1(\xi).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Combining \eqref{L0rnrn2} \eqref{LCDeSiLsf} and \eqref{DeSivaiphik}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned
L_C\left(t(r+s)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1\right)=\left(\f s2+\f{3n+3}{r}+\f{4n+8}{r^2}s-\f{r+s}{r^2}\la_1\right)tr^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
There is a constant $R_5>R_4$ depending only on the cone $C$, such that on $C\setminus B_{R_5}$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LCf135.57}
L_C\left(t(r+1)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1\right)&>\f13tr^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $t>0$. Since $f$ is positive, then there is a sufficiently small constant $\ep_{R_5}>0$ such that
$$\inf_{\p B_{R_5}}\left(f-\ep_{R_5}(R_5+1)R_5^{-n-2}e^{-\f{R_5^2}4}\varphi_1\right)\ge0.$$
Denote $\phi=\ep_{R_5}(r+1)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1$ for convenience. Suppose that $R_5$ is sufficiently large such that $|A_C|^2<\f1{100}$ on $C\setminus B_{R_5}$.
We assume that there is a point $z=(p,r)\in\Si\times(R_5,\infty)$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{fz5.58CR4}
f(z)-\phi(z)=\inf_{C\setminus B_{R_4}}\left(f-\phi\right)<0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then $\na_Cf=\na_C\phi$, and $\De_C(f-\phi)\ge0$ at $z$. However, combining $H_C\ge0$, \eqref{LCDeCACQf} and \eqref{LCf135.57} at $z$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
0<\left(\f1{100}-\f12\right)(f-\phi)\le&\De_C(f-\phi)+\f12\lan z,\na_C(f-\phi)\ran+\left(|A_C|^2-\f12\right)(f-\phi)\\
=&L_Cf-L_C\phi<Q_C(z,f,\na_Cf,\na^2_Cf)-H_C-\f{\phi}{3(|z|+1)}\\
\le&c\left(\f{f}{|z|^2}+\f{|\na_Cf|}{|z|^3}\right)-\f{\phi}{3(|z|+1)}\\
\le&c\left(\f{\phi}{|z|^2}+\f{|\na_C\phi|}{|z|^3}\right)-\f{\phi}{3(|z|+1)},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
which is impossible for the sufficiently large $R_5$ since $\phi$ is a smooth positive function. Hence \eqref{fz5.58CR4} does not hold, i.e.,
\begin{equation}\aligned
\inf_{C\setminus B_{R_5}}\left(f-\phi\right)\ge0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and then we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\begin{lemma}\label{upgse}
Let $S$ be a scaling smooth self-expander satisfying \eqref{Sp} with a constant $p\in(0,1]$ outside a compact set. If $M$ can be represented as a smooth graph over $S$ with the positive graphic function $\widetilde{f}$, and $M$ has the same embedded tangent cone at infinity as $S$. Then there are constants $R_{6}>0$ and $\ep_{3}>0$, such that for any $\xi r\in S\setminus B_{R_{6}}$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
\widetilde{f}(\xi r)\le\ep_{3}^{-1}\ r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1(\xi)\qquad if\ \ \left(\f1{2p}-1\right)H_S\ge0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned
\widetilde{f}(\xi r)\ge\ep_{3}\ r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1(\xi)\qquad if\ \ \left(\f1{2p}-1\right)H_S\le0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Let $C=C\Si$ be the tangent cone of $S$ at infinity, with the metric $g_C$ and the Levi-Civita connection $\na_C$ outside the vertex, respectively. Up to a compact set, $S$ can be seen as a graph over $C$ with a graphic function $f$. Let $\{\xi_i\}$ be a curve coordinate of $C$ and $g_C=\si_{ij}d\xi_id\xi_j$, then the metric of $S$ can be denoted by
$$\tilde{g}=\tilde{g}_{ij}d\xi_id\xi_j=\left(\si_{ij}+\widetilde{D}_if\widetilde{D}_jf\right)d\xi_id\xi_j,$$
where $\widetilde{D}=\na_C$, and $\widetilde{D}_if=\lan \widetilde{D}f,\f{\p}{\p\xi_i}\ran$ for convenience.
Moreover,
$$\tilde{g}^{ij}=\si^{ij}-\f{\widetilde{D}^if\widetilde{D}^jf}{1+|\widetilde{D}f|^2},\quad \det\tilde{g}_{ij}=(1+|\widetilde{D}f|^2)\det\si_{ij},$$
where $\widetilde{D}^if=\si^{ij}\widetilde{D}_jf$ and $|\widetilde{D}u|^2=\si^{ij}\widetilde{D}_if\widetilde{D}_jf$. Let $\nu_C$ be the unit normal vector of $C$. There is a sufficiently large constant $R_{6}>0$ such that for $X\in S\setminus B_{R_{6}}$, there is a unique $x\in C$ with $X=x+f(x)\nu_C$. Hence for any $\mathcal{F}\in C^2(S)$ and $X=x+f(x)\nu_C\in S$, we identify $\mathcal{F}(X)$ with $\mathcal{F}(x)$. Then it follows that (see formula (2.2) in \cite{DJX} for instance)
\begin{equation}\aligned
\De_S \mathcal{F}=\f1{\sqrt{\tilde{g}_{kl}}}\p_{\xi_j}\left(\sqrt{\tilde{g}_{kl}}\tilde{g}^{ij}\p_{\xi_j}\mathcal{F}\right)=\De_C \mathcal{F}+P_1(X,\na_C\mathcal{F}),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $|P_1(X,\na_C\mathcal{F})|\le c|X|^{-5}|\na_C\mathcal{F}|$. Since
$$\nu\triangleq\f1{\sqrt{1+|\na_Cf|^2}}\left(-\sum_i\widetilde{D}^if\f{\p}{\p\xi_i}+\nu_C\right)$$
is the unit normal vector of $S$, one gets
\begin{equation}\aligned
\na_S\mathcal{F}=&\sum_i\widetilde{D}^i\mathcal{F}\f{\p}{\p\xi_i}-\left\lan\sum_i\widetilde{D}^i\mathcal{F}\f{\p}{\p\xi_i},\nu\right\ran\nu
=\sum_i\widetilde{D}^i\mathcal{F}\f{\p}{\p\xi_i}+\f{\lan\na_Cf,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran}{\sqrt{1+|\na_Cf|^2}}\nu\\
=&\sum_i\left(\widetilde{D}^i\mathcal{F}-\f{\lan\na_Cf,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran}{1+|\na_Cf|^2}\widetilde{D}^if\right)\f{\p}{\p\xi_i}
+\f{\lan\na_Cf,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran}{1+|\na_Cf|^2}\nu_C\\
=&\na_C\mathcal{F}-\f{\lan\na_Cf,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran}{1+|\na_Cf|^2}\na_Cf+\f{\lan\na_Cf,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran}{1+|\na_Cf|^2}\nu_C,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned
\lan X,\na_S\mathcal{F}\ran=\lan x,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran+\left(f-\lan x,\na_Cf\ran\right)\f{\lan\na_Cf,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran}{1+|\na_Cf|^2}=\lan x,\na_C\mathcal{F}\ran+P_2(x,\na_C\mathcal{F}),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
with $|P_2(x,\na_C\mathcal{F})|\le c|x|^{-3}|\na_C\mathcal{F}|$.
Now we identify $\widetilde{f}(X)$ with $\widetilde{f}(x)$ for $X=x+f(x)\nu_C\in S$. For any $x\in S\setminus B_{R_{6}}$, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LsftildePtilde}
L_S \widetilde{f}=\De_C \widetilde{f}+\f12\lan x,\na_C \widetilde{f}\ran+\left(|A_C|^2-\f12\right)\widetilde{f}+\widetilde{P}(x,\widetilde{f},\na_C \widetilde{f},\na^2_C \widetilde{f}),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where the function $\widetilde{P}$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left|\widetilde{P}(x,\widetilde{f},\na_C \widetilde{f},\na^2_C \widetilde{f})\right|\le c|x|^{-2}\left(|\widetilde{f}|+|x|^{-1}|\na_C \widetilde{f}|\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For the sufficiently large $R_{6}>0$, from \eqref{L0rnrn2} one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LCt-sn+2}
L_C\left(t(r-s)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4 }\varphi_1\right)<-\f{t}3sr^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1
\endaligned
\end{equation}
on $C\setminus B_{R_{6}}$ for any constants $t>0$ and $s\ge1$.
There is a constant $\be_r>0$ depending on $r$ such that
$$\sup_{\p B_{r}}\left(\widetilde{f}-\be_r(r-1)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1\right)=0,$$
for all $r\ge R_{6}$.
Denote $\psi=\be_{R_{6}}(r-1)r^{-n-2}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1$ for convenience. Suppose $|A_S|^2<\f1{100}$ on $S\setminus B_{R_{6}}$ for the sufficiently large constant $R_{6}$.
When $\left(\f1{2p}-1\right)H_S\ge0$, we claim
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{5.69tfpsi}
\sup_{z\in C\setminus B_{R_{6}}}\left(\widetilde{f}(z)-\psi(z)\right)\le0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If not, there is a point $z\in C\setminus \overline{B_{R_{6}}}$ such that $\widetilde{f}(z)-\psi(z)=\sup_{z\in C\setminus B_{R_{6,p}}}\left(\widetilde{f}-\psi\right)>0,$
then $\na_C\widetilde{f}=\na_C\psi$, and $\De_C(\widetilde{f}-\psi)\le0$ at $z$. However, from \eqref{LsftildePtilde}\eqref{LCt-sn+2} and Corollary \ref{sosse}, at $z$
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{tfpsi568}
&\left(\f1{100}-\f12\right)(\widetilde{f}-\psi)\ge\De_C(\widetilde{f}-\psi)+\f12\lan z,\na_C(\widetilde{f}-\psi)\ran+\left(|A_C|^2-\f12\right)(\widetilde{f}-\psi)\\
=&L_C\widetilde{f}-L_C\psi
\ge L_S\widetilde{f}-\widetilde{P}(z,\widetilde{f},\na_C\widetilde{f},\na^2_C\widetilde{f})+\f{1}{3(|z|-1)}\psi\\
\ge&\left(\f1{2p}-1\right)H_S+Q_S(z,\widetilde{f},\na_S\widetilde{f},\na_S^2\widetilde{f})-
\widetilde{P}(z,\widetilde{f},\na_C\widetilde{f},\na^2_C\widetilde{f})+\f{1}{3(|z|-1)}\psi\\
\ge& -c|z|^{-2}\left(|\widetilde{f}|+|z|^{-1}|\na_C \widetilde{f}|\right)+\f{1}{3(|z|-1)}\psi\\
=& -c|z|^{-2}(\widetilde{f}-\psi)-c|z|^{-2}\left(\psi+|z|^{-1}|\na_C\psi|\right)+\f{1}{3(|z|-1)}\psi,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
which is in contradiction to the sufficiently large constant $R_{6}$. Hence we obtain the claim \eqref{5.69tfpsi}.
Similarly, for $\left(\f1{2p}-1\right)H_S\le0$ we can show $\widetilde{f}\ge\ep_{3}\ r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1$ if $\ep_3$ is sufficiently small and $R_6$ is sufficiently large.
\end{proof}
Combining Lemma \ref{lowgse} and Lemma \ref{upgse} we get the following corollary.
\begin{corollary}\label{updownC}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded minimal but not minimizing cone in $\R^{n+1}$. If outside a compact set, $M$ is a self-expander in one of components of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$, which is a graph over $C$ with the positive graphic function $f$. Then there are constants $\ep_4>0$ and $R_7>0$ such that for each $\xi r\in C\setminus B_{R_7}$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{asymse}
\ep_4r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1(\xi)\le f(\xi r)\le\ep_4^{-1}r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}4}\varphi_1(\xi).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{corollary}
Let $\Si$ be a smooth $(n-1)$-dimensional manifold in $\S^n$ with positive mean curvature $H_\Si$. For all $x\in C\setminus \{0\}$, by the definition of $L_C$ in \eqref{LCDeSiLsf} we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
L_Cf=&\f{\p^2f}{\p r^2}+\f{n-1}r\f{\p f}{\p r}+\f r2\f{\p f}{\p r}-\f f2+\f1{r^2}\left(\De_\Si f+|A_\Si|^2f\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Set $$\z_\a=\f{H_\Si}r+\f{\a}{r^3}$$
for each constant $\a\in\R$. Note that the mean curvature of $C$: $H_C=\f1{|x|}H_\Si$ at $x\in C\setminus\{0\}$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned
L_C\z_\a+H_C=&\f{1}{r^3}\left((|A_\Si|^2+3-n)H_\Si+\De H_\Si-2\a\right)+\f{|A_\Si|^2+3(5-n)}{r^5}\a.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
So there exists a constant $\a_0>0$ depending only on $n$ and the cone $C$, such that for any $|\a|\ge\a_0$ we have
\begin{equation}\label{LCphiaHCr-3}
L_C\z_\a+H_C\left\{\begin{split}
>&-\f{\a}{r^3},\qquad \a<0\\
<&-\f{\a}{r^3},\qquad \a>0.\\
\end{split}\right.
\end{equation}
\begin{lemma}\label{AsmPMC}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded cone in $\R^{n+1}$ with positive mean curvature pointing into $\Om$, which is one of components of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$. If outside a compact set, $M$ is a smooth self-expander in $\Om$, which is a graph over $C$ with the graphic function $f$. Then there are constants $K_C>0$ and $R_8>0$ such that we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{H_\Si(\xi)}r-\f{K_C}{r^3}\le f(\xi r)\le \f{H_\Si(\xi)}r+\f{K_C}{r^3}\qquad \mathrm{for\ any\ } \xi r\in C\setminus B_{R_8},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $H_\Si(\xi)$ is the mean curvature of $\Si$ at $\xi$.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Suppose that $|A_C|^2<\f1{100}$ on $C\setminus B_{R_{8}}$ for a sufficiently large constant $R_{8}\ge R_4$.
Let $\be$ be a constant depending on $R_8$ such that $\be\le K_0\triangleq-\max\{c(\sup_{\Si}H_\Si+1),\a_0\}$ and
$\inf_{\p B_{R_8}}\left(f-\z_{\be}\right)\ge0.$
We claim
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{5.76fzbe}
\inf_{z\in C\setminus B_{R_8}}\left(f(z)-\z_{\be}(z)\right)\ge0
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for the sufficiently large $R_8>0$.
If not, there is a point $z=\xi r\in C\setminus B_{R_8}$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned
f(z)-\z_{\be}(z)=\inf_{C\setminus B_{R_8}}\left(f-\z_{\be}\right)<0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then $\na_Cf=\na_C\z_{\be}$, and $\De_C(f-\z_{\be})\ge0$ at $z$. Note that $f$ is positive and $|z|=r>R_8$, then by \eqref{LCDeCACQf} and \eqref{LCphiaHCr-3} at $z$ we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left(\f1{100}-\f12\right)(f-\z_{\be})\le&\De_C(f-\z_{\be})+\f12\lan z,\na_C(f-\z_{\be})\ran+\left(|A_C|^2-\f12\right)(f-\z_{\be})\\
=&L_Cf-L_C\z_{\be}=Q(z,f,\na_Cf,\na^2_Cf)-L_C\z_{\be}-H_C\\
\le&\f{c}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot|f|+|\na_C f|\right)+\f {\be}{|z|^3}\\
\le&\f{c}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot\left|f-\z_{\be}\right|+|z|\cdot\left|\z_{\be}\right|+|\na_C\z_{\be}|\right)+\f {\be}{|z|^3},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
which implies that
\begin{equation}\aligned
0\le\f{c}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot\left|\z_{\be}\right|+|\na_C\z_{\be}|\right)+\f {\be}{|z|^3}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for the sufficiently large $R_8>0$. By the definition of $\z_{\be}$ we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{HSiKr23}
0<\f{c}{|z|^{3}}\left(H_\Si-\f {\be}{|z|^2}+\left|\na_C\left(\f{H_\Si}{|z|}\right)\right|-\f{4{\be}}{|z|^4}\right)+\f {\be}{|z|^3}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For the sufficiently large $R_8>0$, \eqref{HSiKr23} does not hold for $\be\le K_0$ and $r\ge R_8$. Hence we get the claim \eqref{5.76fzbe}.
There is a constant $\La\ge-K_0>0$ depending on $R_8$ such that
$\sup_{\p B_{R_8}}\left(f-\z_{\La}\right)\le0.$
We claim
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{5.81fLa}
\sup_{z\in C\setminus B_{R_8}}(f(z)-\z_\La(z))\le0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for the sufficiently large $R_8>0$.
If not, there is a point $z'\in C\setminus \overline{B_{R_8}}$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned
f(z')-\z_\La(z')=\sup_{C\setminus B_{R_8}}\left(f-\z_\La\right)>0,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then $\na_Cf=\na_C\z_\La$, and $\De_C(f-\z_\La)\le0$ at $z'$. However, by \eqref{LCDeCACQf} and \eqref{LCphiaHCr-3} at $z'$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left(\f1{100}-\f12\right)(f-\z_\La)\ge&\De_C(f-\z_\La)+\f12\lan z',\na_C(f-\z_\La)\ran+\left(|A_C|^2-\f12\right)(f-\z_\La)\\
=&L_Cf-L_C\z_\La=Q(z',f,\na_Cf,\na^2_Cf)-L_C\z_\La-H_C\\
\ge&-\f{c}{|z'|^{3}}\left(|z'|f+|\na_Cf|\right)+\f{\La}{|z'|^3}\\
=&-\f{c}{|z'|^2}(f-\z_\La)-\f{c}{|z'|^{3}}\left(|z'|\z_\La+|\na_C\z_\La|\right)+\f{\La}{|z'|^3}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For the sufficiently large $R_8>0$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
0>&-\f{c}{|z'|^{3}}\left(H_\Si+\f{\La}{|z'|^2}+\left|\na_C\left(\f{H_\Si}{|z'|}\right)\right|+\f{4\La}{|z'|^4}\right)+\f{\La}{|z'|^3}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
The above inequality does not hold for any $\La\ge R_8$ and $|z'|\ge R_8$ if $R_8$ is sufficiently large. Hence \eqref{5.81fLa} holds,
and we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\section{Existence for self-expanders}
By the dimension estimates of singular sets for minimizing currents in codimension 1 (see Theorem 37.7 in \cite{S} for example),
if $T$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $\R^{n+1}$, then $\mathcal{H}^{s}(\mathrm{Sing}T)=0$ for any $s\ge\max\{0,n-7+\a\}$ with $\a>0$ because $T$ is a minimizing current in $\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\f{|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$ with $|X|^2=\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}x_i^2$.
There are quite a few of works on maximum principle for singular minimal hypersurfaces in manifolds.
For convenience, we need the following maximum principle, which can be found in \cite{SW} obtained by Solomon-White.
\begin{lemma}\label{mpbySolomon-W}
Let $\Om$ be a domain in a space $N$ with the smooth boundary $\p\Om$, and $T$ be a stationary varifold in $\overline{\Om}$, where $N=\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\g|X|^2}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$ for a constant $\g\ge0$. If there is a point $x\in \mathrm{spt}T\cap\p\Om\setminus\p(\mathrm{spt}T)$, and $\p\Om$ has nonnegative mean curvature pointing into $\Om$ in a neighborhood $O_x$ of $x$, then $\mathrm{spt}T\cap O_x =\p\Om\cap O_x$.
\end{lemma}
Let's recall a sharp strong maximum principle for singular minimal hypersurfaces in manifolds, recently showed by N. Wickramasekera \cite{Wi13} (the ones in \cite{Wi} or \cite{Il} are also enough for $\mathbf{E}$-minimizing cases by dimension estimates). In particular, we can choose the ambient manifold to be $\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\f{|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$.
\begin{lemma}\label{msem}
Let $C_V$ be a stationary cone in $\R^{n+1}$ with integer multiplicity and with singular set $\mathrm{Sing}C_V$ satisfying $\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\mathrm{Sing}C_V)=0$, and $\Om$ be a domain with $\p\Om=\mathrm{spt}C_V$. If $T$ is an $n$-dimensional integer varifold self-expander in $\overline{\Om}$ with $\p T=0$, then either $\mathrm{spt}T\cap \mathrm{spt}C_V=\emptyset$ or $\mathrm{spt}T=\mathrm{spt}C_V$.
\end{lemma}
\subsection{Existence for \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding currents}
For any current $S$ in $\R^{n+1}$, let $S\setminus K=S\llcorner\left(\R^{n+1}\setminus K\right)$ for any set $K\in\R^{n+1}$. Here, the notation '$\llcorner$' can be found in Chapter 26 in \cite{S}.
Let's show the existence of \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding currents with prescribed tangent cones at infinity. Ilmanen has given a sketch of proof for the following theorem in \cite{Il1}. Now we give another detailed proof by constructing explicit barrier functions.
\begin{theorem}\label{WeakexistSE}
Let $C$ be a cone over a $C^2$-embedded hypersurface in $\S^n$, then there is a multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T$ in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p T=0$ such that the tangent cone of $T$ at infinity is $\llbracket C\rrbracket$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
By assumption, principal curvature functions of $\Si\triangleq C\cap\S^{n}$ are uniformly bounded.
Then there is a uniform positive constant $0<\k<\f12$ depending only on $C$ so that for any $y\in C\setminus\{0\}$, we have two cones $C_{\k,\pm}$ such that $C_{\k,\pm}\cap C$ are the same radial line through $y$ and $C_{\k,\pm}$ are both $\left\{\left(x,\f{|x|}\k\right)\big| x\in\R^n\right\}$ up to two different rotations. Obviously there are two unique $y_\pm$ with $|y_\pm|=|y|$ such that $C_{\k,\pm}\subset\{X\in\R^{n+1}|\,\lan X,y_\pm\ran>0\}$ are rotational symmetric w.r.t. the lines $\{ty_\pm|\ t\in\R\}$, respectively.
There exists an open set $E_r\subset\R^{n+1}$ for any $r>0$ such that $\p E_r\setminus B_r=C\setminus B_r$ and
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_{B_r}|D\chi_{_{E_r}}|e^{\f{|X|^2}4}dX=\inf\left\{\int_{B_r}|D\chi_{_U}|e^{\f{|X|^2}4}dX\Big|\ \p U\setminus B_r=C\setminus B_r\right\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence $\p \llbracket E_r\rrbracket\llcorner B_r$ is an $n$-dimensional multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $B_r$. Then the singular set of $\p \llbracket E_r\rrbracket\llcorner B_r$ has Hausdorff dimension $\le n-7$ in case $n\ge7$ and is empty in case $n\le6$.
Let $P_{y_\pm}$ be the $n$-dimensional hyperplanes through the origin which is perpendicular to the vectors $y_\pm$, respectively. Set
$$\mathcal{S}_{y_\pm}=\left\{z+ty_\pm\in\R^{n+1}\Big|\, z\in P_{y_\pm},\, t\ge\f{|z|}{\k}+\left(\f{n+1}{\k}+2\right)\min\{1,|z|^{-1}\}\right\}.$$
By maximum principle and \eqref{phicomp}, the varifold $\p E_r\cap B_r\cap\left(\mathcal{S}_{y_+}\cup \mathcal{S}_{y_-}\right)=\emptyset$. Let $\mathcal{E}_C=\bigcup_{y\in\S^n\cap C}\left(\mathcal{S}_{y_+}\cup \mathcal{S}_{y_-}\right)$, then we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{6ErBrEc}
\p E_r\cap B_r\cap \mathcal{E}_C=\emptyset.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For any two sets $K_1,K_2$ in $\R^{n+1}$, we define their Hausdorff distance $d_H(K_1,K_2)$ by
\begin{equation*}\aligned
d_H(K_1,K_2)=&\max\left\{\sup_{x\in K_1}\mathrm{dist}(x,K_2),\sup_{x\in K_2}\mathrm{dist}(x,K_1)\right\}\\
=&\max\left\{\sup_{x\in K_1}\inf_{y\in K_2}|x-y|,\sup_{x\in K_2}\inf_{y\in K_1}|x-y|\right\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation*}
From the definition of $\mathcal{S}_{y_+}$, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{6.2222}
\mathrm{dist}(y,\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+})<\left(\f{n+1}{\k}+2\right)\min\{1,\k^{-1}|y|^{-1}\}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $y\in C\setminus\{0\}$. In particular, $\mathrm{dist}(0,\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+})\ge \f{n+1}{\k}+2$.
For any $y\in C$ with $|y|>\f{n+1}{\k}+2$, there is a point $y^*_+\subset\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+}$ with $|y^*_+|=|y|$ such that
$$|y-y^*_+|=\mathrm{dist}(y,\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+}\cap\p B_{|y|}).$$
For any $y\in C$, the tangent space $T_yC$ of $C$ at $y$ is asymptotic to the tangent space $T_{y^*_+}\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+}$ of $\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+}$ at $y^*_+$ as $|y|\rightarrow\infty$. Let $c_\k>\f{n+1}{\k}+2$ be a sufficiently large constant, then from \eqref{6.2222} we have
$$|y-y_+|<2\ \mathrm{dist}(y,\p\mathcal{S}_{y_+})<\f{2(n+2)}{\k^2s}$$
for any $y\in C\cap\p B_s$ and $s\ge c_\k$.
Since $y\notin \mathcal{S}_{z_+}\cup\mathcal{S}_{z_-}$ for any $z,y\in C$ but $z\neq y$, we conclude
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{distpErpBs}
d_H(C\cap\p B_s,\p\mathcal{E}_C\cap\p B_s)<\f{2(n+2)}{\k^2s}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for each $s\ge c_\k$.
Combining \eqref{6ErBrEc}\eqref{distpErpBs} and the definition of $\mathcal{E}_C$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{dpErpBsC}
d_H(\p E_r\cap\p B_s,\ C\cap\p B_s)\le \f{2(n+2)}{\k^2s}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for every $s\in[c_\k,r]$. Let $M_r$ be the regular set of $\p \llbracket E_r\rrbracket\cap B_r$. By \eqref{laplace}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{6.62nHnMr}
2n\mathcal{H}^n(M_{r})\le\int_{M_{r}}\De_{M_r}|X|^2\le2\int_{\p M_{r}}|X|\le2r\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\p M_{r}),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\De_{M_r}$ denotes Laplacian of $M_r$.
Note that $\mathrm{dim}\left(\mathrm{Sing}\p \llbracket E_r\rrbracket\cap B_r\right)\le \max\{0,n-7\}$, then \eqref{6.62nHnMr} implies
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\mathcal{H}^n(\p E_{r}\cap B_r)}{r^n}\le\f{\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\p E_{r}\cap\p B_r)}{nr^{n-1}}=\f{\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_r)}{nr^{n-1}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
From \eqref{monSEr-nBr}, it follows that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{ErBrrn}
\f{\mathcal{H}^n(\p E_{\r}\cap B_\r)}{\r^n}\le\f{\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\p E_{r}\cap\p B_r)}{nr^{n-1}}=\f{\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_r)}{nr^{n-1}}=\f1n\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_1)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for all $0<\r\le r$.
By compactness theorem of currents (see \cite{LY} or \cite{S} for example), there is a sequence $r_i\rightarrow\infty$ such that $\p \llbracket E_{r_i}\rrbracket\llcorner B_{r_i}$ converges to an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T$, whose support is $\p \llbracket E_*\rrbracket$ and multiplicity is $k$ for some open set $E_*$. According to \eqref{ErBrrn}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{kE*}
k\f{\mathcal{H}^n(\p E_*\cap B_\r)}{\r^n}\le\f1n\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_1)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for all $\r>0$. From \eqref{dpErpBsC} it is clearly that
\begin{equation}\aligned
\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f{\mathcal{H}^n(\p E_*\cap B_r)}{r^n}\ge\f1n\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_1).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Thus the multiplicity $k=1$ and $T$ is a multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p T=0$. Moreover, \eqref{kE*} implies that the tangent cone of $T$ at infinity is $\llbracket C\rrbracket$.
\end{proof}
\subsection{Area-minimizing cones and \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding currents}
In Theorem \ref{WeakexistSE}, for the \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T$, $\mathrm{spt}T$ may be equal to the cone $C$ itself.
In fact, we can not find such $T$ when $C$ is area-minimizing.
\begin{lemma}\label{ammse}
Any non area-minimizing hypercone cannot be an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface. Moreover, if a minimal cone $C$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$, then it is an area-minimizing cone in $\overline{\Om}$, where $\Om$ is a component of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Let $C$ be a minimal hypercone with possible singularities.
If $C$ is also an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\R^{n+1}$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_0^s\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_\r)e^{\f{\r^2}4}d\r=\inf\left\{\int_{B_s}|D\chi_{_U}|e^{\f{|X|^2}4}dX\Big|\ \p U\setminus B_s=C\setminus B_s\right\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_0^\f{s}{\sqrt{t}}\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_\r)e^{\f{t\r^2}4}d\r=&\int_0^s\mathcal{H}^{n-1}\left(C\cap\p B_{\f{\tau}{\sqrt{t}}}\right)e^{\f{\tau^2}4}\f{d\tau}{\sqrt{t}}\\
=&t^{-\f n2}\int_0^s\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_\tau)e^{\f{\r^2}4}d\tau\\
=&t^{-\f n2}\inf_{\p U\setminus B_s=C\setminus B_s}\int_{B_s}\left|D\chi_{_U}(X)\right|e^{\f{|X|^2}4}dX\\
=&\sqrt{t}\inf_{\p U\setminus B_s=C\setminus B_s}\int_{B_{\f s{\sqrt{t}}}}\left|D\chi_{_U}(\sqrt{t}X)\right|e^{\f{t|X|^2}4}dX.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By the transform $\widetilde{U}=\f1{\sqrt{t}}U$, the above equality implies
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_0^\f{s}{\sqrt{t}}\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_\r)e^{\f{t\r^2}4}&d\r=\inf_{\p \llbracket \widetilde{U}\rrbracket\setminus B_{\f s{\sqrt{t}}}=C\setminus B_{\f s{\sqrt{t}}}}\int_{B_{\f s{\sqrt{t}}}}\left|D\chi_{_{\widetilde{U}}}(X)\right|e^{\f{t|X|^2}4}dX.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For any fixed $r>0$, we define $s=r\sqrt{t}$ for all $t>0$. For any sufficiently small $t>0$ there is
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_0^{r}\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(C\cap\p B_\r)e^{\f{t\r^2}4}d\r\le\int_{B_r}|D\chi_{_{U}}|e^{\f{t|X|^2}4}dX
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for all open set $U$ with $\p U\setminus B_r=C\setminus B_r$. Letting $t\rightarrow0$ implies
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathcal{H}^n(C\cap B_{r})\le \int_{B_r}|D\chi_{_{U}}|.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Namely, $C$ is area-minimizing. Further, we suppose that a minimal cone $C$ is an $n$-dimensional \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$. Analog to the above argument, one can show that $C$ is an area-minimizing cone in $\overline{\Om}$. Hence we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
Furthermore, we have the following equivalence on multiplicity 1 area-minimizing cones and \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurfaces.
\begin{theorem}\label{equamcse}
Let $C$ be an embedded minimal cone in $\R^{n+1}$ and $\Om$ be a domain with $\p\Om=C$, then $C$ is area-minimizing in $\overline{\Om}$ if and only if $C$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
In view of Lemma \ref{ammse}, we only need prove that if $C$ is area-minimizing in $\overline{\Om}$, $C$ would be an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$. If $C$ is an embedded and area-minimizing cone in $\overline{\Om}$, there is a constant $r_0>0$ such that there exists a multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T_r$ in $\overline{\Om}$ with $\mathrm{spt}T_r\setminus C\neq\emptyset$ and with $\p \left(\mathrm{spt}T_r\right)=C\cap\p B_r$ for each $r\ge r_0$.
By \cite{HaS}, there is a connected smooth embedded area-minimizing hypersurface $S$ without boundary in $\Om$. By \eqref{dpErpBsC}, $r_1^{-1}\left(\mathrm{spt}T_{r_1}\right)\cap S=\emptyset$ for a sufficiently large constant $r_1>0$. There is a constant $r_2\in(0,r_1)$ such that $r_2^{-1}\left(\mathrm{spt}T_{r_1}\right)\cap S\neq\emptyset$ but $r^{-1}\left(\mathrm{spt}T_{r_1}\right)\cap S=\emptyset$ for $r>r_2$.
Let $\Om_S$ be a domain containing $r_1^{-1}\left(\mathrm{spt}T_{r_1}\right)$ in $\R^{n+1}$ with boundary $\p\Om_S=S$. Note that $S$ has positive mean curvature pointing into $\Om_S$ in the space $\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\f{|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$. By Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W}, we get a contradiction. Hence $\mathrm{spt}T_r=C$ for all $r>0$ and we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\begin{lemma}\label{area-minimSE}
Let $C$ be an area-minimizing cone with an isolated singularity, then the support of any $n$-varifold self-expander $T$ with $\p T=0$ in $\R^{n+1}$ must be $C$ if the tangent cone of $T$ at infinity is $\llbracket C\rrbracket$.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Let $\Om_+$ and $\Om_-$ be two components divided by $C$. Let $S^\pm$ be a smooth area-minimizing hypersurface in $\Om_\pm$, which are connected smooth emdedded hypersurfaces without boundary (The existence of $S^\pm$ are known in \cite{HaS}). Let $T$ be a connected $n$-varifold self-expander with $\p T=0$ in $\R^{n+1}$ which converges to $\llbracket C\rrbracket$ in the varifold sense at infinity. Then $\mathrm{spt}T$ is a graph over $C$ outside a compact set with the graphic function $f$. If $\mathrm{spt}T\neq C$, then asymptotic behavior of $S^\pm$ and Lemma \ref{upgse} imply that there exists a constant $\ep>0$ such that $\mathrm{spt}(t T)\cap S^\pm=\emptyset$ for $t\in(0,\ep]$.
Denote $\g_{\pm}=\f{n-2}2\pm\sqrt{\f{(n-2)^2}4+\la_1}$.
By \cite{HaS}, up to a compact set, $S^\pm$ is a graph over $C$ with the graphic functions $f_{\pm}$ satisfying
\begin{equation*}
\left\{\begin{split}
\mathrm{either}\ \ &f_{\pm}=(c_1^\pm+c_2^\pm\log r)r^{-\g_-}\varphi_1+O(r^{-\g_--\a})\qquad \mathrm{as}\ \ r\rightarrow\infty\\
\mathrm{or}\ \ \quad &f_{\pm}=c_1^\pm r^{-\g_+}\varphi_1+O(r^{-\g_+-\a})\qquad \mathrm{as}\ \ r\rightarrow\infty\\
\end{split}\right.
\end{equation*}
($\a>0$), where $(c_1^++c_2^+\log r)>0>(c_1^-+c_2^-\log r)$, and $c_2^\pm=0$ unless $\g_+=\g_-=\f{n-2}2$, and where $\pm c_1^\pm>0$ in the second identity.
Let $t_0=\sup\{t|\ \mathrm{spt}(sT)\cap(S^+\cup S^-)=\emptyset,\ s\in(0,t)\}$. By Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W} with the space $N=\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\f{t_0^2|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$, $\mathrm{spt}(t_0T)\cap(S^+\cup S^-)=\emptyset$.
There is a constant $r_1>0$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{6.666fpm}
\f12f^+(r)-sf\left(\f r{s}\right)\ge0\ge\f12f^-(r)-sf\left(\f r{s}\right)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for all $t_0\le s\le 2t_0$ and $r\ge r_1$. In particular, $\min\{|x-y|\big|\, x\in\mathrm{spt}(t_0T)\cap B_{r_1},\ y\in(S^+\cup S^-)\cap B_{r_1}\}>0$. With the help of \eqref{6.666fpm}, there is a constant $\ep_1\in(0,t_0)$ such that $\mathrm{spt}(tT)\cap S^\pm=\emptyset$ for $t\in(t_0,t_0+\ep_1)$.
This violates the choice of $t_0$.
Hence $\mathrm{spt}(t T)\cap (S^+\cup S^-)=\emptyset$ for $t\in(0,\infty)$. This is a contradiction clearly. Hence we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\subsection{Existence of \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding currents in mean convex cones}
\begin{lemma}\label{smsemc}
Let $C$ be an embedded mean convex cone with vertex at the origin in $\R^{n+1}$ pointing into a domain $\Om$ with $\p\Om=C$. If $T$ is a varifold self-expander with $\p T=0$ in $\overline{\Om}$, then either $\mathrm{spt}T\cap C=\emptyset$, or $\mathrm{spt}T=C$ and $C$ is minimal.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Obviously, $\mathrm{spt}T=C$ means that $C$ is minimal. In view of Lemma \ref{msem}, we suppose that $\mathrm{spt}T\neq C$ and $C$ is not a minimal cone, then obviously $\mathrm{spt}T\cap \mathrm{reg}C=\emptyset$ by Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W} with $N=\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\f{|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$. So for showing $\mathrm{spt}T\cap C=\emptyset$, we only need prove $0\notin \mathrm{spt}T$.
Assume $0\in \mathrm{spt}T$, and we will show that this leads to a contradiction.
Let $\mathscr{T}_0$ be a tangent cone of $\mathrm{spt}T$ at $0$, then $\mathrm{spt}T\subset\overline{\Om}$ implies that $\mathscr{T}_0$ is a stationary cone in $\overline{\Om}$. According to Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W} with $N=\R^{n+1}$, $\mathscr{T}_0\cap C=\emptyset$,
and then $\mathscr{T}_0\subset\Om$.
Let $\Om_\a$ be the shape after a rotation of $\Om$ by the action $\a$ in orthogonal group $O(n):\S^n\rightarrow\S^n$. Obviously there is an $\a_0\in O(n)$ such that $\mathscr{T}_0\subset\overline{\Om}_{\a_0}$ and $\mathscr{T}_0\cap\p\Om_{\a_0}\neq\emptyset$. However, this violates Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W} with $N=\R^{n+1}$. Hence $0\notin\mathrm{spt}T$, and we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\begin{theorem}\label{WESEmcC}
Let $C$ be an embedded mean convex but not area-minimizing cone pointing into $\Om$ in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p\Om=C$, then there is a multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T$ in $\Om$ with $\p T=0$ such that the tangent cone of $T$ at infinity is $\llbracket C\rrbracket$ .
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Note that $C\cap\S^n$ is $C^2$-continuous by the assumption of mean convex $C$. Then there is a uniform positive constant $0<\k<\f12$ depending only on $C$ so that for any $y\in C\cap\S^n$, we have a cone $C_{\k}$ such that $C_{\k}\cap C\cap\S^n=y$ and $C_{\k}$ is $\left\{\left(x,\f{|x|}\k\right)\big| x\in\R^n\right\}$ up to a rotation.
There exists an open set $E_r\subset\Om$ for any $r>0$ such that $\p E_r\setminus B_r=C\setminus B_r$ and
\begin{equation}\aligned
\int_{B_r}|D\chi_{_{E_r}}|e^{\f{|X|^2}4}dX=\inf\left\{\int_{B_r}|D\chi_{_K}|e^{\f{|X|^2}4}dX\Big|\ \p K\setminus B_r=C\setminus B_r,\ K\subset\overline{\Om}\right\}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence $\p \llbracket E_r\rrbracket\llcorner B_r$ is an $n$-dimensional multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $\overline{\Om}$. By Lemma \ref{smsemc}, either $\p E_r\cap B_r\cap C=\emptyset$ or $\p E_r=C$.
Combining $E_r\subset \overline{\Om}$ and the proof of Theorem \ref{WeakexistSE}, there is a constant $c_\k>0$ such that
$$d_H(\p E_r\cap\p B_s,\ C\cap\p B_s)\le \f{2(n+2)}{\k^2s}$$
for every $s\in[c_\k,r]$. By the proof of Theorem \ref{WeakexistSE}, there is a sequence $r_i\rightarrow\infty$ such that $\p \llbracket E_{r_i}\rrbracket\llcorner B_{r_i}$ converges to an $n$-dimensional multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T$ in $\overline{\Om}$ with $\p T=0$ and $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f1rT=\llbracket C\rrbracket$. By Lemma \ref{ammse} and Lemma \ref{smsemc}, $\mathrm{spt}T\subset\Om$ since $C$ is not area-minimizing.
\end{proof}
\subsection{Existence and uniqueness of smooth $\mathbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding currents}
For a domain $U_0$, and a set $E_a\subset U_0$, we say a set $E_b$ \emph{on one side of $E_a$ in $U_0$} if $E_b$ is contained in the closure of one of the connected components of $U_0\setminus E_a$ in the current paper. When $U_0$ is Euclidean space, we sometimes omit $U_0$.
\begin{lemma}\label{sesem}
Let $E_1$ and $E_2$ be two open sets satisfying $0\in E_2\cap U\subset E_1\cap U$ for some open set $U\subset\R^{n+1}$. Let $T_1=U\cap\p\llbracket E_1\rrbracket$, $T_2=U\cap\p\llbracket E_2\rrbracket$, and $\sqrt{\g}|T_1|$ and $|T_2|$ be both $n$-dimensional varifold self-expanders in $U$ for some constant $\g\in(0,1)$ with $\mathrm{spt}(t T_1)\cap\mathrm{spt}T_2\cap U=\emptyset$ for each $t\in(0,1)$. If either $\sqrt{\g}T_1$ or $T_2$ is an $\mathbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding current in $U$, then either $T_1\cap U=T_2\cap U$ or $\mathrm{spt}T_1\cap\mathrm{spt}T_2\cap U=\emptyset$.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
We suppose that $\mathrm{spt}T_1\cap\mathrm{spt}T_2\neq\emptyset$ and there is a point $x_0\in\mathrm{spt}T_1\cap\mathrm{spt}T_2$. If $x_0\in\mathrm{reg}T_1$, then $T_1$ is smooth in a neighborhood of $x_0$ by regularity of minimal hypersurfaces. From $\mathrm{spt}(t T_1)\cap\mathrm{spt}T_2\cap U=\emptyset$ for each $t\in(0,1)$, we conclude that the mean curvature of $T_1$ at $x_0$ is nonnegative pointing into $E_1$. By Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W} with the space $N=\left(\R^{n+1},e^{\f{|X|^2}{2n}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2\right)$, $T_1=T_2$ in $U$ as $\sqrt{\g}|T_1|$ and $|T_2|$ are both $n$-dimensional varifold self-expanders in $U$ with $0<\g<1$.
Therefore, we only need to consider the case: $x_0\in\mathrm{Sing}T_1\cap\mathrm{Sing}T_2$. Assume $\mathrm{reg}T_1\cap\mathrm{reg}T_2=\emptyset$ or else we complete the proof. Obviously, every tangent cone of $T_1$ or $T_2$ at $x_0$ is an $n$-dimensional area-minimizing cone in $\R^{n+1}$. Hence for any sequence $\la_j\rightarrow0$ there is a subsequence $\la_{j'}$ of $\la_j$ such that $\la_{j'}^{-1}(|T_1|-x_0)$ and $\la_{j'}^{-1}(|T_2|-x_0)$ both converge to a cone $C_T$ in $\R^{n+1}$ in the varifold sense, or else this contradicts Lemma \ref{msem} (see also \cite{S2}). Since either $\sqrt{\g}\left(U\cap\p\llbracket E_1\rrbracket\right)$ or $U\cap\p\llbracket E_2\rrbracket$ is an $\mathbf{E}$-minimizing current in $U$, then $C_T$ is a multiplicity one area-minimizing cone (see Theorem 37.2 in \cite{S} for example). In particular, $C_T$ is not a hyperplane by Allard's regularity theorem. For any constant $s>0$, let $t_{j'}=1-\la_{j'}s$ for the sufficiently large $j'$. By
$$\la_{j'}^{-1}(t_{j'}\p E_1-x_0)=\la_{j'}^{-1}\left(t_{j'}(\p E_1-x_0)-(1-t_{j'})x_0\right)=\left(\la_{j'}^{-1}-s\right)(\p E_1-x_0)-sx_0,$$
we conclude that $\la_{j'}^{-1}\llbracket t_{j'}(U\cap\p E_1)-x_0\rrbracket$ converges to $C_{T,s}\triangleq C_T-sx_0$ with vertex at $-sx_0$ as $j'\rightarrow\infty$ in the varifold sense. Since $t_{j'}(\mathrm{spt}T_1)$ is on one side of $\mathrm{spt}T_2$ in $U$ by the assumption, then $\mathrm{spt}C_{T,s}$ is also on one side of $\mathrm{spt}C_T$ for any $s>0$. Recall $C_{T,s}$ and $C_T$ are both minimizing cones with different vertices, then by Lemma \ref{msem}, $\mathrm{spt}C_T\cap \mathrm{spt}C_{T,s}=\emptyset$. There is a point $x_s\in C_{T,s}\setminus\{-sx_0\}$ such that $|x_s|=\mathrm{dist}(0,C_{T,s})=\inf_{x\in C_{T,s}}|x|$. Let $P_s$ be the hyperplane through $x_s$ and perpendicular to the vector $\overrightarrow{ox_s}$. Then $C_{T,s}$ is on one side of $P_s$. However, this is impossible by Lemma \ref{msem} and the nonflat minimizing cone $C_{T,s}$. Hence we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
Theorem \ref{WESEmcC} gives an existence for varifold self-expanders with prescribed mean convex cones at infinity. Fortunately, we are able to point out that such varifold self-expanders are smooth actually. Firstly, we focus on embedded minimal but not minimizing cones.
\begin{theorem}\label{Minimalfoliation}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded minimal but not minimizing cone in $\R^{n+1}$, and $\Om$ be a domain with $\p\Om=C$, then there is a unique smooth complete embedded \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface $M$ with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}r^{-1}M=C$ in $\Om$. Moreover, $M$ has positive mean curvature everywhere and $\{\sqrt{t}M\}_{t>0}$ is a foliation of $\Om$.
\end{theorem}
\textbf{Remark.} For a smooth hypersurface $S$ and an embedded cone $C$ in $\R^{n+1}$, we say that $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}r^{-1}S=C$ (or the tangent cone of $S$ at infinity is $C$) if $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}r^{-1}\llbracket S\rrbracket=\llbracket C\rrbracket$.
\begin{proof}
By Theorem \ref{equamcse} and Theorem \ref{WESEmcC}, there is a multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $T$ with $\p T=0$ in $\Om$ with tangent cone $C$ at infinity, where $\Om$ is a component of $\R^{n+1}\setminus C$. Let $M=\mathrm{spt}T$.
From the argument in section 5 of this paper,
up to a compact set, $tM$ also can be represented as a graph over $C\setminus B_{tr_0}$ with the graphic function $w_t$ defined by
$$w_t(x)=tw\left(\f xt\right)>0$$
for $x\in C\setminus B_{tr_0}$ and $t>0$.
By asymptotic behavior \eqref{asymse}, there is a constant $\de_0>0$ such that $\sqrt{\de_0}\ M\cap M=\emptyset$.
Let $\de_1=\sup\{\de| \sqrt{s}M\cap M=\emptyset,\ s\in(0,\de)\}$. Then $\de_1\le1$ clearly.
By Lemma \ref{sesem}, we conclude that $\sqrt{\de_1}M\cap M=\emptyset$. Then by Corollary \ref{updownC} there are constants $r_1>r_0$ and $\ep_5>0$ such that for all $x$ with $|x|=r\ge r_1$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
w(x)\ge\ep_5r^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}{4}}>\ep_5^{-1}t\left(\f rt\right)^{-n-1}e^{-\f{r^2}{4t^2}}\ge w_t(x)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $\de_1\le t\le\f{1+\de_1}2$. Hence there is a constant $\de_2\in(\de_1,\f{1+\de_1}2)$ such that $\sqrt{s}M\cap M=\emptyset$ for $s\in(0,\de_2]$. This violates the maximum of $\de_1$ if $\de_1<1$. Therefore, $\sqrt{s}M\cap M=\emptyset$ for all $0<s<1$ and $\{\sqrt{s}M\}_{s>0}$ is a foliation of $\Om$. So $M$ is embedded and each ray $\{\la\xi\in\R^{n+1}|\ \la>0\}$, corresponding to $\xi\in\Om\cap\p B_1$, intersects $M$ in a single point $y$. Then for a suitable $\r_y>0$ we can write $M\cap B_{\r_y}(y)$ as a graph of some function $w$ with bounded gradient over a hyperplane $P$ normal to $\xi$ (see also the proof of Theorem 2.1 in \cite{HaS}). Since $M$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface and $\mathcal{H}^{s}(\mathrm{sing}T)=0$ for $s>\max\{0,n-7\}$, it follows that sing$T\cap B_{\r_y}(y)=\emptyset$. Thus sing$T=\emptyset$ and $M$ is smooth without boundary. From the foliation $\{\sqrt{s}M\}_{s>0}$, $M$ has nonnegative mean curvature pointing into the domain $\Om$. \eqref{meancurvature} and Hopf maximum principle imply that $M$ has positive mean curvature everywhere.
Let $S$ be an $n$-dimensional smooth complete self-expander in $\Om$ with $\lim_{t\rightarrow0}tS=C$. Then there is a constant $\ep>0$ such that $\sqrt{\ep}(\mathrm{spt}S)\cap M=\emptyset$. By the above argument and Lemma \ref{sesem}, we obtain $s(\mathrm{spt}S)\cap M=\emptyset$ for all $0<s<1$. Similarly, $sM\cap \mathrm{spt}S=\emptyset$ for all $0<s<1$. Hence $\mathrm{spt}S=M$ and uniqueness holds.
\end{proof}
Secondly, we utilize the asymptotic analysis in Lemma \ref{AsmPMC} to get the smooth existence for every prescribed embedded cone with positive mean curvature at infinity.
\begin{corollary}\label{posiSE}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded cone in $\R^{n+1}$ which has positive mean curvature pointing into the domain $\Om$ with $\p\Om=C$, then there is a unique smooth complete embedded \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface $M$ with $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}r^{-1}M=C$ in $\Om$. Moreover, $M$ has positive mean curvature everywhere and $\{\sqrt{t}M\}_{t>0}$ is a foliation of $\Om$.
\end{corollary}
\begin{proof}
The proof is similar to the proof of Theorem \ref{Minimalfoliation}, where the asymptotic behavior of self-expanders is described in Lemma \ref{AsmPMC}. So we omit it.
\end{proof}
\begin{theorem}\label{UniqSET}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded cone over $\Si\subset\S^n$ in $\R^{n+1}$ which has positive mean curvature pointing into the domain $\Om$ with $\p\Om=C$. Any $n$-varifold self-expander $T$ in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p T=0$, $\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\mathrm{Sing}T)=0$ and $\lim_{t\rightarrow0}\sqrt{t}T=C$ must be in $\Om$. In other words, $\mathrm{spt}T$ is a unique smooth self-expander described in Corollary \ref{posiSE}.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Let $T$ be an $n$-varifold self-expander in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p T=0$, $\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\mathrm{Sing}T)=0$ and $\lim_{t\rightarrow0}\sqrt{t}T=C$.
If $\mathrm{spt}T\subset\overline{\Om}$, then $\mathrm{spt}T\subset\Om$ by Lemma \ref{smsemc}. We suppose $\mathrm{spt}T\setminus\overline{\Om}\neq\emptyset$. By Lemma \ref{AsmPMC}, there are constants $K_C>0$ and $R_8>0$ such that $\mathrm{spt}T$ is a graph over $C\setminus B_{R_8}$ outside a compact set with the graphic function $f$ satisfying
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{H_\Si(\xi)}r-\f{K_C}{r^3}\le f(\xi r)\le \f{H_\Si(\xi)}r+\f{K_C}{r^3}\qquad \mathrm{for\ any\ } \xi r\in C\setminus B_{R_8}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
So there is a unique component $U_{0,T}$ of $\R^{n+1}\setminus \mathrm{spt}T$ with boundary $\mathrm{spt}T$ and $U_{0,T}\setminus B_R\subset\Om$ for a sufficiently large constant $R>0$. Let $U_T$ be another unbounded component of $\R^{n+1}\setminus \mathrm{spt}T$, and $U_{tT}=tU_T$ for $t>0$.
Denote $M$ be the regular set of $T$ with the mean curvature $H$, then $M$ is open in $\mathrm{spt}T$. We claim the set
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{M-H<0}
M^-_{H}\triangleq\{x\in M| H(x)<0\}\neq\emptyset.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If not, $H$ is nonnegative on $M$. By maximum principle for \eqref{meancurvature}, $H$ is positive everywhere pointing into $U_{0,T}$, then we consider \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding currents in $\overline{U_{tT}}$. Combining Theorem \ref{WeakexistSE} and Theorem \ref{WESEmcC}, there is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current $S_t$ in $\overline{U_{tT}}$. Since the mean curvature $H_{tT}$ of $\p U_{tT}=tT$ satisfies $H_{tT}=\f1tH$ on the regular set, we deduce that spt$S_t\subset U_{tT}$ for $t\ge1$ by the proof of Lemma \ref{sesem}. Hence $\f1t(\mathrm{spt}S_t)\cap\overline{U_{0,T}}=\emptyset$. Combining $U_T\setminus\Om\neq\emptyset$ and $\f1tS_t\rightharpoonup \llbracket C\rrbracket$ in the current sense as $t\rightarrow\infty$, we get $C\cap \overline{U_{0,T}}=\emptyset$, and then $C\cap U_{0,T}=\emptyset$ by the positive mean curvature of $C$. However, this contradicts the assumption $\mathrm{spt}T\setminus\overline{\Om}\neq\emptyset$. Hence the claim \eqref{M-H<0} holds.
Let $x_s\in M^-_{H}$ and $M_{x_s}$ be the largest component of $M^-_{H}$ containing $x_s$. Namely, for any component set $E\ni x_s$ with $E\subset M^-_{H}$, one must have $E\subset M_{x_s}$.
Due to the fact that $\mathrm{spt}T\setminus B_r$ has positive mean curvature for any sufficiently large $r>0$, $\overline{M_{x_s}}$ is bounded.
Let $\{B_{\ep,\a}\}_{\a\in J}$ be a collection of balls with radius $\ep$ in $\R^{n+1}$ covering sing$T$ for any $\ep\in(0,1]$, and $\widehat{B}_{\ep,\a}=B_{\ep,\a}\cap\mathrm{spt}T$. By Besicovitch covering lemma, we may choose a sub-collection of $\{B_{\ep,\a}\}_{\a\in J'}$, such that $$\sup_{x\in\mathrm{spt}T}\left(\sharp\{\a\in J'|\,x\in B_{\ep,\a}\}\right)<\infty.$$
Hence by the definition of Hausdorff measure and $\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\mathrm{sing}T)=0$, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{aJ'Bepan-1}
\lim_{\ep\rightarrow0}\left(\sum_{\a\in J'}\left(\mathrm{diam}(B_{\ep,\a})\right)^{n-1}\right)=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By formula 18.3 in \cite{S}, there is a constant $C_{T,x_s}$ depending only on $M_{x_s}$ such that $\ep^{-n}\mathcal{H}^n(\widehat{B}_{\ep,\a})\le C_{T,x_s}$. Coarea formula implies that
$$\int_0^\ep \mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\p\widehat{B}_{t,\a})dt\le C_{T,x_s}\ep^n.$$
Then for any $\a\in J'$ there is a constant $\ep_\a\in(0,\ep)$ such that
$$\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\p\widehat{B}_{\ep_\a,\a})\le C_{T,x_s}\ep_\a^{n-1}.$$
With \eqref{aJ'Bepan-1} one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{aJ'pepaan-1}
\lim_{\ep\rightarrow0}\left(\sum_{\a\in J'}\mathcal{H}^{n-1}\left(\p \widehat{B}_{\ep_\a,\a}\right)\right)=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $M_{J'}\triangleq\mathrm{spt}T\setminus \cup_{\a\in J'}B_{\ep_\a,\a}$ is a smooth manifold with boundary. Hence by nodal sets theory(see \cite{HL} for instance),
$$\mathcal{H}^{n-1}(\p M_{x_s}\cap M_{J'})=\mathcal{H}^{n-1}\left(\p M_{x_s}\setminus(\cup_{\a\in J'}\widehat{B}_{\ep_\a,\a})\right)<\infty.$$
By \eqref{laplace}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
2n\mathcal{H}^n(M_{x_s}\cap M_{J'})\le&\int_{M_{x_s}\cap M_{J'}}\De|X|^2\le2\int_{\p\left(\cup_{\a\in J'}\widehat{B}_{\ep_\a,\a}\right)}|X|\\
\le&2\left(\sup_{X\in\p M_{x_s}}|X|+\ep\right)\sum_{\a\in J'}\mathcal{H}^{n-1}\left(\p \widehat{B}_{\ep_\a,\a}\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
From \eqref{aJ'pepaan-1} the above inequality does not hold for the sufficiently small $\ep>0$.
Therefore, $M\subset\Om$.
\end{proof}
Combining Theorem \ref{Minimalfoliation} and Corollary \ref{posiSE}, we eventually deduce the smooth existence for mean convex case.
\begin{theorem}\label{mainTh}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded mean convex but not minimizing cone pointing into a domain $\Om$ with $\p\Om=C$ in $\R^{n+1}$, then there is a unique smooth complete embedded \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface $M$ in $\Om$ with tangent cone $C$ at infinity. Moreover, $\{\sqrt{t}M\}_{t>0}$ is a foliation of $\Om$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Let $C=C\Si$ be a cone over a mean convex hypersurface $\Si$ in $\S^n$. We assume that $C$ is not a minimal cone, or else we have finished. Then there is a constant $\de>0$ such that $t\in[0,\de]\rightarrow\Si_t$ is a smooth mean curvature flow starting from $\Si$.
Obviously, $\Si_t$ is embedded and has positive mean curvature, so there is a smooth complete embedded \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface $M_t$ in $\Om$ for $t>0$, which has positive mean curvature everywhere and $\lim_{r\rightarrow0}rM_t=C\Si_t$.
There exists a sequence $0<t_i\rightarrow0$ such that $\llbracket M_{t_i}\rrbracket\rightharpoonup T$ in the varifold sense. Obviously $T$ is a multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $\overline{\Om}$ with $\p T=0$ and $\lim_{r\rightarrow\infty}\f1rT=\llbracket C\Si\rrbracket$.
Denote $M=\mathrm{spt}T$. By Allard's regularity theorem, there is a constant $r_2>1$ such that $M\setminus B_{r_2-1}$ is smooth with bounded geometry.
So the mean curvature $H$ is positive in $M\setminus B_{r_2}$, and we denote $\ep_6=\f12\inf_{\p B_{r_2}}H>0$. There exists a constant $\de_3\in(0,\de]$ such that the mean curvature $H_{t_i}$ of $M_{t_i}$ satisfies $H_{t_i}\ge\ep_0$ on $M_{t_i}\cap\p B_{r_2}$ for $t_i\in(0,\de_3)$. By maximum principle for \eqref{meancurvature}, we get
$$\f12\lan X,\nu_{t_i}\ran=H_{t_i}\ge\ep_6\qquad \mathrm{on}\quad M_{t_i}\cap B_{r_2},$$
where $\nu_{t_i}$ is the unit normal vector of $M_{t_i}$.
Since $M_{t_i}\cap B_{r_2}$ is a graph over a subset of $\Om\cap\S^n$, then from the above inequality, $M\cap B_{r_2}$ is still a graph over a subset of $\overline{\Om}\cap\S^n$. Hence $M\cap B_{r_2}$ is smooth, and $M$ is a smooth complete embedded \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\Om$. Moreover, $M$ is mean convex pointing into $\Om$ as $M_{t_i}\rightharpoonup M$, then $M$ has positive mean curvature pointing into $\Om$ by \eqref{meancurvature} and maximum principle. Since $sM_{t_i}$ is on one side of $M_{t_i}$ for any $s\neq1$, then $sM$ is on one side of $M$. Maximum principle implies that $sM\cap M=\emptyset$ for $s\neq1$. So $\{\sqrt{t}M\}_{t>0}$ is a foliation of $\Om$.
Suppose that $M'$ is another smooth complete self-expander in $\Om$ with tangent cone $C$ at infinity. Obviously, $M'$ has positive mean curvature everywhere.
Set
$$\de_{4,i}=\sup\left\{s\in(0,1]\Big|\ \sqrt{t}M'\cap M_{t_i}=\emptyset,\ 0<t<s\right\}.$$
If $\sqrt{\de_{4,i}}M'\cap M_{t_i}\neq\emptyset$ and $\sqrt{t}M'\cap M_{t_i}=\emptyset$ for $0<t<\de_{4,i}$, this will contradict Lemma \ref{sesem}. Then $\sqrt{t}M'\cap M_{t_i}=\emptyset$ for $0<t\le\de_{4,i}$. Since $\lim_{r\rightarrow0}r^{-1}M_{t_i}=C\Si_{t_i}$ and $\Si_{t_i}\cap\Si=\emptyset$, then $\de_{4,i}$ attains its maximum, namely, $\de_{4,i}=1$. Hence $\bigcup_{0<t\le1}\sqrt{t}M'$ is on one side of $M_{t_i}$. Letting $t_i\rightarrow0$ implies that $\bigcup_{0<t\le1}\sqrt{t}M'$ is on one side of $M$. Since $M$ is a smooth self-expander, then either $M=M'$ or $M\cap M'=\emptyset$.
Assume $M\cap M'=\emptyset$, then let's deduce the contradiction. There exists a constant $r_3>0$ such that outside a compact set, $M$ can be represented as a graph over $M'\setminus r_3$ with the graphic function $w$. Combining Lemma \ref{upgse} and that $\bigcup_{0<t\le1}\sqrt{t}M'$ is on one side of $M$, there is a constant $\ep_7>0$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{0wep7M'r3}
0<w(x)\le\ep_7^{-1}|x|^{-n-1}e^{-\f{|x|^2}4}\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \ M'\setminus r_3.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Obviously for $t\in(0,1)$, $\sqrt{t}M$ can be represented as a graph over $\sqrt{t}M'\setminus r_3$ with the graphic function $w_t$ defined by
$$w_t(x)=tw\left(\f xt\right)>0.$$
For the sufficiently large $r_3$, $M'$ can be represented as a graph over $\sqrt{s}M'\setminus r_3$ with the graphic function $\phi_s$ for $s\in(0,1)$. From the asymptotic behavior of the foliation $\{\sqrt{t}M\}_{t>0}$ in \eqref{asymse} and \eqref{0wep7M'r3}, we conclude that $\phi_s$ is positive for the sufficiently large $r_3$.
By Lemma \ref{upgse} and positive mean curvature of $M'$, we have
$$\phi_s(x)\ge\ep_{8,s}|x|^{-n-1}e^{-\f{|x|^2}4}$$
on $\sqrt{s}M'\setminus r_3$ for some sufficiently small constant $\ep_{8,s}>0$ depending on $s$. So for every $0<t<1$, there is a sufficiently large constant $r_{4,t}>r_3$ depending on $t$ such that
$$\phi_t(x)>w_t(x)$$
for each $x\in\sqrt{t}M'\setminus B_{r_{4,t}}$.
We can assume that $r_{4,t}$ is a positive continuous monotonic function on $t\in(0,1)$ with $\lim_{t\rightarrow1}r_{4,t}=\infty$.
Set
$$\de_5=\sup\{s\in(0,1)|\ \sqrt{t}M\cap M'=\emptyset,\ 0<t<s\}.$$
So we have $\sqrt{t}M\cap M'=\emptyset$ for $t\in(0,\de_5)$. By Lemma \ref{sesem}, $\sqrt{\de_5}M\cap M'=\emptyset$, and then $\phi_{\de_5}>w_{\de_5}$ on $\sqrt{\de_5}M'\setminus B_{r_3}$. We claim $\de_5<1$. If not, let $\de_6\in(\de_5,1)$ be an arbitrary fixed constant. Then there is a constant $\de_7\in(\de_5,\de_6)$ such that $\sqrt{t}M\cap M'\cap B_{3r_{4,\de_6}}=\emptyset$ for $t\in(\de_5,\de_7]$. $\phi_t(x)>w_t(x)$ on $\sqrt{t}M'\setminus B_{r_{4,t}}$ implies $\sqrt{t}M\cap \left(M'\setminus B_{2r_{4,\de_6}}\right)=\emptyset$ for $t\in(\de_5,\de_7]$.
We can assume that $\lim_{t\rightarrow0}r_{4,t}$ is a sufficiently large constant, then $\sqrt{t}M\cap M'=\emptyset$ for $t\in(\de_5,\de_7]$, which contradicts the choice of $\de_5$.
Therefore we get $\de_5=1$. Due to the fact that $\bigcup_{0<t\le1}\sqrt{t}M'$ is on one side of $M$, we deduce $M'=M$, and then complete the proof.
\end{proof}
\section{Self-expanding hypersurfaces with mean convex boundaries}
Let $C$ be an embedded minimal cone in $\R^{n+1}(n\ge3)$ over an embedded, compact minimal hypersurface $\Si\subset\S^n(\Si\neq\S^{n-1})$. Let $\Om$ be a domain in $\R^{n+1}$ with $\p\Om=C$. Let $\varphi_1$ be the positive eigenfunction of the elliptic operator $\De_\Si+|A_\Si|^2$ with the first eigenvalue $\la_1$ and with $\int_\Si|\varphi_1|^2=1$ . Namely,
$$\De_\Si\varphi_1+|A_\Si|^2\varphi_1+\la_1\varphi_1=0.$$
By Lemma 6.4.4 in \cite{X}, $\la_1\le1-n$. There is a constant $\mathfrak{R}_1>0$ such that we can define a normal geodesic segment $\g_\xi(\th)$ in $\overline{\Om}\cap\S^n$ for $\th\in[0,\mathfrak{R}_1]$ with $\g_\xi(0)=\xi$ and $\dot{\g}_\xi(0)\bot T_\xi\Si$ for any $\xi\in\Si$, and then extend the normal geodesic segment $\g_\xi(\th)$ to $\S^n\setminus\Om$ for $\th\in[-\mathfrak{R}_1,0)$. Here $T_\xi\Si$ is the tangent space of $\Si$ at $\xi$. Let $G_{\Si,\th}$ be a graph over $\Si$ in $\S^n$ with a smooth graphic function
$\th\varphi_1(\xi)$ for $-\mathfrak{R}_1<\th<\mathfrak{R}_1$ and $\xi\in\Si$. Namely,
$$G_{\Si,\th}=\left\{\xi+\th\varphi_1(\xi)\dot{\g}_{\xi}(\th)|\ \xi\in\Si\right\}.$$
Obviously, $G_{\Si,0}=\Si$.
Let $H_{\Si,\th}$ denote the mean curvature of $G_{\Si,\th}$ in $\S^n$. Obviously, Ricci curvature of $\S^n$ is $n-1$ everywhere. Then by \eqref{Hnusp0} and Appendix A in \cite{CM2} (see also the second variation of volume for minimal hypersurfaces in manifolds), we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{thHSith0}
\f{\p}{\p \th}H_{\Si,\th}\bigg|_{\th=0}=\De_\Si\varphi_1+|A_\Si|^2\varphi_1+(n-1)\varphi_1=\left(-\la_1+n-1\right)\varphi_1\ge2(n-1)\varphi_1.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $n\ge3$. Since $H_{\Si,\th}$ is a smooth function on $\Si\times(-\mathfrak{R}_1,\mathfrak{R}_1)$, there is a constant $0<\mathfrak{R}_2\le\mathfrak{R}_1$ such that $\f{\p}{\p \th}H_{\Si,\th}\ge n\varphi_1$ for $-\mathfrak{R}_2<\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$. So we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
H_{\Si,\th}=\int_0^\th\f{\p H_{\Si,\tau}}{\p \tau}d\tau\ge n\th\varphi_1.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\De_{\Si,\th}$ be the Laplacian of $G_{\Si,\th}$, then $\De_{\Si,\th}H_{\Si,\th}$ is a smooth function on $\Si\times(-\mathfrak{R}_1,\mathfrak{R}_1)$. Let $\{e_{\th,i}\}_{i=1}^n$ be an orthonormal basis of $G_{\Si,\th}$ at the considered point, and $n_\th$ be the unit normal vector of $G_{\Si,\th}$. Let $Ric^\th$ be Ricci curvature of $G_{\Si,\th}$. Then by Ricci identity
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p}{\p \th}\left(\De_{\Si,\th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)=\De_{\Si,\th}\left(\f{\p}{\p \th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)-Ric^\th(e_{\th,i},n_\th)\na_{e_{\th,i}}H_{\Si,\th},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
which implies
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\f{\p}{\p \th}\left(\De_{\Si,\th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)=\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\De_{\Si,\th}\left(\f{\p}{\p \th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)\\
=&\De_{\Si}\left(\f{\p}{\p \th} H_{\Si,\th}\bigg|_{\th=0}\right)=\left(-\la_1+n-1\right)\De_\Si\varphi_1.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $A_{\Si,\th}$ be the second fundamental form of $G_{\Si,\th}$ in $\S^n$. Hence by the definition of $\varphi_1$ and $\la_1\le1-n$ we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{thAHSith}
&\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\f{\p}{\p \th}\left(\left(|A_{\Si,\th}|^2+1-n\right)H_{\Si,\th}+\De_{\Si,\th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)\\
=&\left(|A_{\Si}|^2+1-n\right)\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\f{\p}{\p \th}H_{\Si,\th}+\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\f{\p}{\p \th}\left(\De_{\Si,\th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)\\
=&\left(|A_{\Si}|^2+1-n\right)\left(-\la_1+n-1\right)\varphi_1+\left(-\la_1+n-1\right)\De_\Si\varphi_1\\
=&\left(-\la_1+1-n\right)(-\la_1+n-1)\varphi_1\ge0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\Om_\th$ be a domain in $\Om$ with boundary $CG_{\Si,\th}$, where $CG_{\Si,\th}$ is a cone over $G_{\Si,\th}$ with the vertex at the origin in $\R^{n+1}$. By formula (1.4.2) in \cite{X}, $\p\Om_\th$ has positive mean curvature pointing into $\Om_\th$ for $0<\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$. Set $$\mathscr{U}_\th=\Om_\th\cap\S^n.$$
\subsection{Existence of smooth self-expanders with mean convex boundaries}
The Euclidean space $\R^{n+1}$ can be seen as the warped product of $\S^n$ and $\R^+$: $\R^+\times_\r\S^n$ with the warped product metric $\bar{g}=d\r^2+\r^2\si_{_{\S^n}}$. Here $\si_{_{\S^n}}$ is the metric of standard $n$-dimensional unit sphere $\S^n$. Naturally, $\Om_\th$ can be seen as the warped product of $\mathscr{U}_\th$ and $\R^+$ with the metric $\bar{g}$. Let $\mathfrak{M}_\th$ be a graph over $\mathscr{U}_\th$ in the warped product space $\R^+\times_\r \mathscr{U}_\th$ with the positive graphic function $\Xi_\th$. For convenience, we sometimes denote $\mathfrak{M}_\th$ and $\Xi_\th$ by $\mathfrak{M}$ and $\Xi$, respectively, if we don't emphasize $\th$. Let $\widetilde{\na}$ be the Levi-Civita connection of $\S^n$, and $H_{\mathfrak{M}}$ be the mean curvature of $\mathfrak{M}$ with the unit normal vector
$$\nu_\mathfrak{M}=\f1{\sqrt{1+\Xi^{-2}\big|\widetilde{\na}\Xi\big|^2}}\left(\f{\p}{\p\r}-\f{\widetilde{\na}\Xi}{\Xi^2}\right).$$
Let $\{e_i\}_{i=1}^{n}$ be a local orthonormal basis of $\S^n$ at any considered point. For any smooth function $f$ on $\S^n$, denote $f_i=\widetilde{\na}_{e_i}f$, $f_{i,j}=\widetilde{\na}_{e_j}\widetilde{\na}_{e_i}f$ for $1\le i,j\le n$ in this section.
By (1.1) and (2.7)-(2.9) in \cite{D},
\begin{equation}\aligned
H_{\mathfrak{M}}=\f{1}{\Xi \sqrt{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}}\sum_{i,j=1}^n\left(\de_{ij}-
\f{\mathfrak{U}_i\mathfrak{U}_j}{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}\right)\mathfrak{U}_{i,j}-\f{n}{\Xi \sqrt{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\mathfrak{U}=\log\Xi$. For any constant $\ep>0$, the equation $H_{\mathfrak{M}}=\f1{2\ep^2}\lan X,\nu_\mathfrak{M}\ran$ is equivalent to
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\Xi}{2\ep^2\sqrt{1+\Xi^{-2}\big|\widetilde{\na}\Xi\big|^2}}=\f{1}{\Xi \sqrt{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}}\sum_{i,j=1}^n\left(\de_{ij}-
\f{\mathfrak{U}_i\mathfrak{U}_j}{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}\right)\mathfrak{U}_{i,j}-\f{n}{\Xi \sqrt{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned
\sum_{i,j=1}^n\left(\de_{ij}-\f{\mathfrak{U}_i\mathfrak{U}_j}{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}\big|^2}\right)\mathfrak{U}_{i,j}-\f{e^{2\mathfrak{U}}}{2\ep^2}=n.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
We define a differential operator $\mathscr{F}_\ep$ for any function $\mathcal{F}\in C^2(\S^n)$ by
\begin{equation}\aligned
\mathscr{F}_\ep[\mathcal{F}]=\sum_{i,j=1}^n\left(\de_{ij}-\f{\mathcal{F}_i\mathcal{F}_j}{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathcal{F}\big|^2}\right)\mathcal{F}_{i,j}
-\f{e^{2\mathcal{F}}}{2\ep^2}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\begin{theorem}\label{ExSeboundary}
There is a unique solution $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}$ to the following Dirichlet problem
\begin{equation} \label{DiriFf}
\left\{ \begin{aligned}
\mathscr{F}_\ep[\mathcal{F}] &= n\qquad\qquad \mathrm{in}\ \mathscr{U}_\th \\
\mathcal{F} &=0\qquad\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \p \mathscr{U}_\th
\end{aligned} \right.
\end{equation}
for any $\ep>0$ and $0<\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
By Corollary \ref{posiSE}, there are a constant $0<\bar{\ep_\th}<\ep$, a domain $\widetilde{\mathscr{U}}_\th\subset \mathscr{U}_{\f{\th}2}$ and a smooth function $w_{\ep,\th}$ on $\widetilde{\mathscr{U}}_\th$ such that $\mathscr{F}_{\bar{\ep_\th}}[w_{\ep,\th}]=n$ and $\p\widetilde{\mathscr{U}}_\th\subset \mathscr{U}_{\f {\th}2}\setminus \mathscr{U}_\th$ for the sufficiently small $\mathfrak{R}_2>0$. Obviously, there is a large positive constant $\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}>1$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{wepthLaepth}
w_{\ep,\th}>-\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
on $\widetilde{\mathscr{U}}_\th$.
Let $\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s}$ be a smooth function on $\overline{\mathscr{U}_\th}$ for $0<s<e^{-\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}}$ by $$\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s}(\xi)=\log\left(1-\f{\vartheta-\th}{s}\left(1-se^{-\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}}\right)\right)\qquad\qquad \mathrm{for}\ \ \xi\in\p\mathscr{U}_{\vartheta},\ \th\le\vartheta<\th+s,$$
and $\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s}(\xi)=\log s-\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}$ for $\xi\in\overline{\mathscr{U}_{\th+s}}$.
Let $G_{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s}}$ be a graph of $e^{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s}}$ over $\overline{\mathscr{U}_\th}\setminus\mathscr{U}_{\th+s}$. Obviously, $G_{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s}}\setminus B_{\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}}$ converges as $s\rightarrow0$ to $\p\Om_\th\cap \overline{B_1}\setminus B_{\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}}$ smoothly. Then there is a sufficiently small $s_0>0$ such that
$$H_{G_{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}}}-\f1{2\ep^2}\left\lan X,\nu_{G_{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}}}\right\ran>0\qquad \mathrm{on}\ G_{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}}\setminus B_{\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}},$$
which is equivalent to $\mathscr{F}_\ep[\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}]>n$ on $\overline{\mathscr{U}_\th}\setminus\mathscr{U}_{\th+s_1}$ for some $s_1>0$. In particular, $\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}<-\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}$ on $\mathscr{U}_{\th+s_1}$.
Let $w^*_{\ep,\th}=\max\{\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0},w_{\ep,\th}\}$. Set $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}$ be a smooth solution to \eqref{DiriFf}, then analog to the calculation of \eqref{divuw}, $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}>w_{\ep,\th}$ on $\mathscr{U}_\th$ by comparison principle.
Assume $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}<w^*_{\ep,\th}$ at some point in $\mathscr{U}_\th$. Then there is a point $z\in \mathscr{U}_\th$ such that $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}(z)-w^*_{\ep,\th}(z)=\inf_{x\in \mathscr{U}_\th}\left(\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}(x)-w^*_{\ep,\th}(x)\right)<0$. Hence from \eqref{wepthLaepth}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{w*epth}
w^*_{\ep,\th}=\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}\ge w_{\ep,\th}>-\La_{\bar{\ep_\th}}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
at $z$, then $z\in\mathscr{U}_\th\setminus\mathscr{U}_{\th+s_1}$. By a simple calculation, we get a contradiction by maximum principle for $\mathscr{F}_\ep[\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}]-\mathscr{F}_\ep[\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}]<0$ at $z$. Therefore, we obtain
$$\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}\ge w^*_{\ep,\th} \qquad\qquad \ \mathrm{on}\ \ \mathscr{U}_\th.$$
Obviously, $\mathscr{F}_\ep[0]=-\f1{2\ep^2}<0$ and then $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}\le0$ on $\mathscr{U}_\th$ by comparison principle. So we obtain a gradient estimate
$$\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}\big|\le\big|\widetilde{\na}w^*_{\ep,\th}\big|=\big|\widetilde{\na}\widetilde{w}_{\ep,\th,s_0}\big|\qquad\qquad \ \mathrm{on}\ \ \p \mathscr{U}_\th.$$
Let $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ be the graph of $e^{\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}}$ over $\mathscr{U}_\th$ in $\Om_\th=\R^+\times_\r \mathscr{U}_\th$. There exists a constant $\de_{\ep,\th}>0$ depending only on $\ep,\th$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned
\inf_{\p \mathscr{U}_\th}\left(\left\lan X,\nu_{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}}\right\ran\right)=\inf_{\p \mathscr{U}_\th}\left(\f{1}{\sqrt{1+\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}\big|^2}}\right)\ge\de_{\ep,\th}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Further, we can assume that $\de_{\ep,\th}$ is a continuous function on $\ep\in[0,\infty)$ with $\lim_{\ep\rightarrow0}\de_{\ep,\th}=0$.
From \eqref{meancurvature} for scaled manifold $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$, the mean curvature can not attain its positive minimum in the interior by maximum principle. Namely,
\begin{equation}\aligned
\inf_{\mathscr{U}_\th}H_{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}}\ge\inf_{\p \mathscr{U}_\th}H_{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}}=\f1{2\ep^2}\inf_{\p \mathscr{U}_\th}\left(\lan X,\nu_{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}}\ran\right)\ge \f{\de_{\ep,\th}}{2\ep^2}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $H_{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}}=\f{e^{\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}}}{2\ep^2\sqrt{1+|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}|^2}}$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{gradientfrakU}
\sup_{\mathscr{U}_\th}\big|\widetilde{\na}\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}\big|\le\f{1}{2\ep^2\inf_{\mathscr{U}_\th}H_{\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}}}\le\f 1{\de_{\ep,\th}}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By the apriori gradient estimate \eqref{gradientfrakU} and theory of elliptic equations (Theorem 13.8 in \cite{GT} for instance), there is a solution $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}$ to the Dirichlet problem \eqref{DiriFf}. By comparison principle, such solution $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}$ is unique.
\end{proof}
In the above Theorem, $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ is a smooth self-expander with $\p\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=\p \Om_\th\cap\S^n$ for $0<\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$.
From comparison principle, $0>\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}>\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th'}$ on $\mathscr{U}_\th$ for every $0<\th'<\th\le \mathfrak{R}_2$, and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{uepthth0}
\lim_{\th\rightarrow \th_0}\left(\sup_{\mathscr{U}_{\min\{\th,\th_0\}}}\left|\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}-\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th_0}\right|\right)=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Further, $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th_1}\cap\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th_2}=\emptyset$ unless $\th_1=\th_2$, and
Hausdorff distance
\begin{equation}\aligned
d_{H}\left(\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th},\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th_0}\right)\rightarrow0\qquad\qquad \mathrm{as}\ |\th-\th_0|\rightarrow0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By comparison principle, $0>\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}>\mathfrak{U}_{\ep',\th}$ on $\mathscr{U}_\th$ for every $0<\ep<\ep'<\infty$. Noting that $\f{\ep}{\ep'}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep',\th}$ and $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ both satisfy the same equation, then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{uepdeth}
\lim_{\de\rightarrow \ep>0}\left(\sup_{\mathscr{U}_{\th}}\left|\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}-\mathfrak{U}_{\de,\th}\right|\right)=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
So we arrive the following Theorem.
\begin{theorem}
If $C$ is an embedded minimal cone, there is a constant $\mathfrak{R}_2>0$ such that
for every $0<\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$ and $\ep>0$, $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ is a smooth embedded $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om_\th}$ with boundary $\f1{\ep}\left(\p\mathscr{U}_\th\right)$, where the graphic function $e^{\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}}$ of $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ satisfies \eqref{uepthth0} and \eqref{uepdeth}.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
We only need prove that if $M$ is an $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\Om_\th$ with boundary $\f1{\ep}\left(\p\mathscr{U}_\th\right)$, then $M$ must be $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$. Let $\g_{\ep,\th}=\inf\{t>1|\ M\cap\f t{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=\emptyset\}$ and $\g'_{\ep,\th}=\sup\{t<1|\ M\cap\f t{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=\emptyset\}$. Then $M\cap\f{\g_{\ep,\th}}{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}\neq\emptyset$, $M\cap\f{\g'_{\ep,\th}}{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}\neq\emptyset$ and $M\cap\f t{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=\emptyset$ for $t>\g_{\ep,\th}$ or $0<t<\g'_{\ep,\th}$. By Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W}, we conclude that $\g_{\ep,\th}=\g'_{\ep,\th}=1$, which means $M=\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$.
\end{proof}
\begin{corollary}\label{WidehatCExist}
Assume that $C$ is embedded minimal but not minimizing cone in a domain $\overline{\Om}$ with $\p\Om=C$, then $\f1{\ep}\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\bigcup_{0<t<\th}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,t}$ is a smooth star-shaped embedded $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$.
\end{corollary}
\begin{proof}
Let $\llbracket \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}\rrbracket=\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\llbracket \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}\rrbracket$ in the varifold sense. Then $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ is an $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$ with boundary $\p\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}=C\cap B_1$,
and $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ has nonnegative mean curvature on its regular set. By maximum principle for \eqref{meancurvature}, $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ has positive mean curvature in $B_{\f1\ep}$ except a set with Hausdorff measure $\le n-7$ in case $n\ge7$ or everywhere in case $n<7$.
By the monotonicity of $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}$ on $\th$, $\lim_{\th\rightarrow0}\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,\th}$ exists on any compact set of $\Om\cap\S^n$, and we denote it by $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,0}:\,\Om\cap\S^n\rightarrow[-\infty,0]$.
From the equation of self-expanders, $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,0}>-\infty$ on $\Om\cap\S^n$ except a set with Hausdorff dimension $\le n-7$ in case $n\ge7$ or everywhere in case $n<7$. By Lemma \ref{msem}, $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,0}>-\infty$ on $\Om\cap\S^n$, then $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ is embedded and each ray $\{\la\xi\in\R^{n+1}|\ \la>0\}$, corresponding to $\xi\in\Om\cap\S^n$, intersects $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ in a single point. According to the proof of Theorem \ref{Minimalfoliation}, $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ is regular, and then $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,0}$ is smooth on $\Om\cap\S^n$. By standard theory of elliptic equations, $\mathfrak{U}_{\ep,0}\in C^\infty(\overline{\Om}\cap\S^n)$. So $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,0}$ is a smooth star-shaped embedded $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{\Om}$.
\end{proof}
\subsection{A non-existence theorem for minimal hypersurfaces}
Smooth self-expanders with boundary can be seen as barriers for non-existence of minimal hypersurfaces. So we can negate Hardt's problem for embedded minimal but not area-minimizing hypercones.
\begin{theorem}\label{Hardtpro}
Let $C$ be an $n$-dimensional embedded minimal hypercone in $\R^{n+1}$. If $C$ is not area-minimizing in $\overline{\Om}$ with $\p\Om=C$, then there does not exist any stationary varifold $S'$ in $\Om$ with $\p S'=0$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
From Corollary \ref{WidehatCExist}, let $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}$ be a smooth embedded $\textbf{E}$-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\Om$ with positive mean curvature and with boundary $\f1{\ep}\left(C\cap\S^n\right)$.
Suppose that there exists a stationary varifold $S'$ in $\Om$ with $\p S'=0$. Denote $M'=\mathrm{spt}S'$. Obviously, $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}\cap M'=\emptyset$ for the sufficiently small $\ep>0$. Let
$$\ep'=\sup\left\{s\in[1,\infty)\Big|\ \sqrt{t}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}\cap M'=\emptyset,\ 1<t<s\right\}.$$
If $\ep'<\infty$, then $\sqrt{\ep'}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}\cap M'\neq\emptyset$ and $\sqrt{t}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}\cap M'=\emptyset$ for $1<t<\ep'$. However, this contradicts Lemma \ref{mpbySolomon-W} as $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}$ has positive mean curvature. Hence $\ep'=\infty$.
For any sufficiently large constant $t>0$,
$$\mathrm{dist}(0,\sqrt{t}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep})=\sqrt{t}\mathrm{dist}(0,\mathfrak{M}_{\ep})>\mathrm{dist}(0,M').$$
Combining $\p\left(\sqrt{t}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}\right)=\sqrt{t}\left(C\cap\S^n\right)$ and the fact that $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}$ is a radial graph over $\Om\cap\S^n$, clearly $\sqrt{t}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep}\cap M'=\emptyset$ does not hold for all $t>0$ from maximum principle.
We complete the proof.
\end{proof}
From the proof of Theorem \ref{area-minimSE}, Theorem \ref{Minimalfoliation} and Theorem \ref{Hardtpro}, we see that
there is an alternative phenomena between minimal hypersurfaces and self-expanding hypersurfaces. More precisely, for an embedded nonflat minimal cone $C$, either there exists a complete smooth minimal hypersurface on one side of $C$, but there does not exist any complete smooth self-expander which converges to $C$ at infinity; or there exists a complete smooth self-expander which converges to $C$ at infinity, but there does not exist any complete smooth minimal hypersurface on one side of $C$.
\subsection{Uniqueness theorem for self-expanders}
For every $\th\in(0,\mathfrak{R}_2]$ there is an open set $\mathscr{E}_\th$ such that $T_{\th,\ep}=B_{\f1{\ep}}\cap\p\llbracket\mathscr{E}_\th\rrbracket$ is an $n$-dimensional multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $B_{\f1{\ep}}\cap\mathscr{E}_\th$ with boundary $\p(\mathrm{spt} T_{\th,\ep})=\p\Om_\th\cap\p B_{\f1\ep}$.
From \eqref{dpErpBsC}, there is a constant $R_9>0$ depending only on $C,\mathfrak{R}_1$ such that the Hausdorff distance
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{dHTthep}
d_H\left((\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep})\cap\p B_r,\p\Om_\th\cap\p B_r\right)<\f{2(n+2)}{\k^2r}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for each $R_9\le r\le\f1{\ep}$ and $\th\in(0,\mathfrak{R}_2]$, where $\k$ is a positive constant depending only on $C$ and $\mathfrak{R}_1$.
For any $(\xi,r)\in[R_9,\f1{\ep})\times_r\p\mathscr{U}_\th=\p\Om_\th\cap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)$, we define a function
$$\Phi_\a(\xi,r)\triangleq\f12\left(\f1r-\ep\right)H_{\Si,\th}(\xi)+\a\left(e^{-2r}-e^{-\f2{\ep}}\right),$$
where $H_{\Si,\th}(\xi)$ is the mean curvature of $\p\mathscr{U}_\th=G_{\Si,\th}$ in $\S^n$ at $\xi$ with respect to the unit normal vector pointing into $\mathscr{U}_\th$. Let $\nu_\th$ be the unit normal vector of $\p\Om_\th\setminus\{0\}$ pointing into $\Om_\th$, and a tubular neighborhood
$$\mathcal{N}_{r,\th}=\{x+t\nu_\th(x)|\ x\in\p\Om_\th\setminus B_r,\, t\in(-1,1)\}.$$
For the sufficiently large $R_9>0$ and every $y\in\mathcal{N}_{R_9,\th}$, there are unique $x\in\p\Om_\th\setminus B_{R_9}$ and $t\in(-1,1)$ such that $y=x+t\nu_\th(x)$. Due to $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\subset\Om_\th\setminus B_{R_9}$, then for each $y\in \mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$, there are unique $x_y\in\p\Om_\th\setminus B_r$ and $t_y\in(-1,1)$ such that $y=x_y+t_y\nu_\th(x_y)$. Since $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ is a closed set, one can define
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{deffmin}
f(x)=\min_{x+t\nu_\th(x)\in \mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}}t.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Now let's define an operator $L_{C,\th}$ by
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{7211111111111}
L_{C,\th}\phi=&\f{\p^2\phi}{\p r^2}+\f{n-1}r\f{\p \phi}{\p r}+\f r2\f{\p \phi}{\p r}-\f \phi2+\f1{r^2}\left(\De_{\Si,\th} \phi+|A_{\Si,\th}|^2\phi\right)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $\phi\in C^2(\p\Om_\th\setminus B_{R_9})$. For any $\th\in(0,\mathfrak{R}_2]$ and $\ep\in(0,R_9^{-1})$, by a straightforward computation we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{722LCthHSith}
\f12 L_{C,\th}\left(\left(\f1r-\ep\right)H_{\Si,\th}\right)+\f1rH_{\Si,\th}=&\f1{2r}H_{\Si,\th}+\f1{2r^3}\left(\left(|A_{\Si,\th}|^2+3-n\right)H_{\Si,\th}+\De_{\Si,\th} H_{\Si,\th}\right)\\
&+\ep\left(\f14H_{\Si,\th}-\f1{2r^2}\left(\De_{\Si,\th} H_{\Si,\th}+|A_{\Si,\th}|^2H_{\Si,\th}\right)\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
For the sufficiently large $R_9>0$ and the sufficiently small $\mathfrak{R}_2>0$, combining \eqref{thAHSith} and \eqref{722LCthHSith} yields
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{723LCthf1r}
\f12 L_{C,\th}\left(\left(\f1r-\ep\right)H_{\Si,\th}\right)+\f1rH_{\Si,\th}>\f1{2r}H_{\Si,\th}\qquad \mathrm{for}\ R_9\le r<\f1{\ep}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
A straightforward computation implies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{724LCthf1r}
L_{C,\th}\left(e^{-2r}-e^{-\f2{\ep}}\right)=&4e^{-2r}-\f{2(n-1)}re^{-2r}-re^{-2r}-\f12e^{-2r}\\
&+\f12e^{-\f2{\ep}}+\f1{r^2}|A_{\Si,\th}|^2e^{-2r}-\f1{r^2}|A_{\Si,\th}|^2e^{-\f2{\ep}}\le-\f r2e^{-2r}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for $r\ge R_9$. Therefore, combining \eqref{723LCthf1r} and \eqref{724LCthf1r}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{321LCthPhiaf1rHSith}
L_{C,\th}\Phi_{\a}+\f1rH_{\Si,\th}\ge&\f1{2r}H_{\Si,\th}-\f{\a r}2e^{-2r}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $\th\in(0,\mathfrak{R}_2]$, $\a<0$ and $\ep\in(0,R_9^{-1})$. Set
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{aaaaaaaaaa}
\a=-4(n+2)\k^{-2}e^{2R_9},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then the definition of $T_{\th,\ep}$ and \eqref{dHTthep} give $f-\Phi_\a\ge0$ on $\p\Om_\th\cap\left(\p B_{\f1\ep}\cup\p B_{R_9}\right)$.
We claim
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{TfPhiainf}
\inf_{\p\Om_\th\bigcap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)}\left(f-\Phi_\a\right)\ge0\qquad \mathrm{for\ any}\ \th\in(0,\mathfrak{R}_2].
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If not, there exists a point $z\in\p\Om_\th\cap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)$ such that $$f(z)-\Phi_\a(z)=\inf_{\p\Om_\th\bigcap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)}\left(f-\Phi_\a\right)<0.$$
So any tangent cone of $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ at $z$ lies on one side of a hyperplane. Noting that $T_{\th,\ep}=\p\llbracket\mathscr{E}_\th\rrbracket\llcorner B_{\f1{\ep}}$ is an $n$-dimensional multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $B_{\f1{\ep}}\cap\mathscr{E}_\th$, then any tangent cone of $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ is a multiplicity one area-minimizing cone with possible singularities. Hence the tangent cone of $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ at $z$ is a hyperplane, and then $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ is smooth at $z$. Let $\na_{C,\th}$ be the Levi-Civita connection of $\p\Om_\th\setminus\{0\}$ and $\De_{C,\th}$ be the Laplacian of $\p\Om_\th\setminus\{0\}$ , then $\na_{C,\th}f=\na_{C,\th}\Phi_\a$ and the Hessian of $f-\Phi_\a$: $\na_{C,\th}^2\left(f-\Phi_\a\right)\ge0$ at $z$. Note $R_9\le|z|<\f1{\ep}$. Hence there is a constant $c_{\mathfrak{R}_1}$ depending on $C,\mathfrak{R}_1$ but independent of $R_9,\th,\ep$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{7.28ge-fcrgCth}
\na_{C,\th}^2f\ge\na_{C,\th}^2\Phi_\a\ge-\f{c_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{r}g_{C,\th}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
at $z$, where $g_{C,\th}$ is the metric of $\p\Om_\th\setminus\{0\}$. Note that \eqref{na01fep2} is only used to show \eqref{5.44Q3} in the proof of Lemma \ref{5.4Asp}. By a simple observation, there is a constant $c'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}$ depending on $C,\mathfrak{R}_1$ but independent of $R_9,\th,\ep$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{321LCthfaf1rHSith}
L_{C,\th}f+\f1{|z|}H_{\Si,\th}\le&\f{c'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot|f|+|\na_{C,\th} f|\right)\qquad \mathrm{at}\ \ z.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Assume $|A_{C,\th}|^2\le\f1{100}$ on $\p\Om_\th\setminus B_{R_9}$ for any $\th\in(0,\mathfrak{R}_2]$. Combining \eqref{321LCthPhiaf1rHSith} and \eqref{321LCthfaf1rHSith}, at $z$ we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left(\f1{100}-\f12\right)&(f-\Phi_\a)\le\De_{C,\th}(f-\Phi_\a)+\f12\lan z,\na_{C,\th}(f-\Phi_\a)\ran+\left(|A_{C,\th}|^2-\f12\right)(f-\Phi_\a)\\
=&L_{C,\th}f-L_{C,\th}\Phi_\a\le\f{c'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot|f|+|\na_{C,\th} f|\right)-L_{C,\th}\Phi_\a-\f1{|z|}H_{\Si,\th}\\
\le&\f{c'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot\left|f-\Phi_\a\right|+|z|\cdot\left|\Phi_\a\right|+|\na_{C,\th}\Phi_\a|\right)
-\f1{2|z|}H_{\Si,\th}+\f{\a}2|z|e^{-2|z|},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
which implies that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Phiafcomp}
0\le\f{c'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot\left|\Phi_\a\right|+|\na_{C,\th}\Phi_\a|\right)-\f1{2|z|}H_{\Si,\th}+\f{\a}2|z|e^{-2|z|}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for the sufficiently large $R_9>0$. By the definition of $\Phi_\a$, the inequality \eqref{Phiafcomp} does not hold for the sufficiently large $R_9$ independent of $\th$. Hence \eqref{TfPhiainf} holds.
\begin{theorem}\label{UnSeboundary}
For every $\f12e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$, let $T_{\th,\ep}=B_{\f1{\ep}}\cap\p\llbracket\mathscr{E}_\th\rrbracket$ be an $n$-dimensional multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding current in $B_{\f1{\ep}}\cap\mathscr{E}_\th$ with boundary $\p\left(\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}\right)=\p\Om_\th\cap\p B_{\f1\ep}$ for some open set $\mathscr{E}_\th$. Then $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ is a smooth hypersurface in $\overline{\Om_\th}$ for every sufficiently small $\ep>0$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
By the definition of $\Phi_\a$,
$$\f{\p\Phi_\a}{\p r}=-\f1{2r^2}H_{\Si,\th}-2\a e^{-2r}.$$
Since $\Si$ is minimal and $\f{\p}{\p \th}H_{\Si,\th}\ge n\varphi_1$ for $0<\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$, we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p\Phi_\a}{\p r}\le-\f n{4r^2}e^{-\ep^{-1}}\varphi_1-2\a e^{-2r}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for $e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$. With the help of \eqref{aaaaaaaaaa}, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{pPhiarep-1}
\f{\p\Phi_\a}{\p r}\le-\f n{8r^2}e^{-\ep^{-1}}\varphi_1
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $r\in\left[\f2{3\ep},\f1{\ep}\right]$ and $\f1{\ep}\ge7R_9$ with the sufficiently large $R_9>0$. Hence for any $(\xi,r)\in\p\Om_\th\bigcap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{\f2{3\ep}}\right)$ we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{fPhiarep-1}
f\ge\Phi_\a\ge\f n{8}\ep^2e^{-\ep^{-1}}\left(\f1\ep-r\right)\varphi_1.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By maximum principle, spt$T_{\ep,\th}\setminus\p B_{\f1\ep}\subset B_{\f1\ep}$. At the point $q\in\p\Om_\th\cap\p B_{\f1\ep}$, any tangent cone $T_{q,\ep,\th}$ of $\mathrm{spt}T_{\ep,\th}$ at $q$ lies in $\mathcal{W}_{\th}$, where $\mathcal{W}_{\th}$ is a cone centered at the origin with boundary composed by two different hyperplanes $P_1,P_2$ whose angle is less than $\f{\pi}2$. Note that $T_{q,\ep,\th}$ is a multiplicity one area-minimizing cone with boundary in $P_1\cap P_2$ (see \cite{HS} or \cite{Bro0} for example). By fixing $P_1\cap P_2$ and rotating the cone $\mathcal{W}_{\th}$, we conclude that $\mathrm{spt}T_{q,\ep,\th}$ is a half hyperplane by maximum principle. Thus, $T_{\ep,\th}$ is regular at $q$ and then $T_{\ep,\th}$ is regular on its boundary. (In fact, in \cite{HS} Hardt-Simon has got boundary regularity for area-minimizing hypersurfaces, which implies the regularity of $\p T_{\ep,\th}$ directly, because \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding currents are area-minimizing currents in the weighted space as said in the section 2.) Combining \eqref{pPhiarep-1}, \eqref{fPhiarep-1} and $f=0$ at $\p\Om_\th\cap B_{\f1\ep}$, we obtain $\f{\p f}{\p r}<0$ at the boundary. Therefore the mean curvature of $T_{\ep,\th}$ is positive on the boundary. If the mean curvature is negative at some point in the regular set of $T_{\ep,\th}$, we can deduce a contradiction by the proof of Theorem \ref{UniqSET}. So we conclude that the mean curvature of $T_{\ep,\th}$ is positive on its regular set by the equation of self-expanders. By maximum principle, $t\left(\mathrm{spt}T_{\ep,\th}\right)\cap \mathrm{spt}T_{\ep,\th}=\emptyset$ for $0<t<1$, which follows that $\mathrm{spt}T_{\ep,\th}$ is embedded and star-shaped in $\overline{\Om_\th}$. By the equation of self-expanders again, spt$T_{\ep,\th}$ is smooth.
\end{proof}
In the above Theorem, the assumption "multiplicity one \textbf{E}-minimizing" self-expanding current $T$ ensures that the multiplicity of tangent cone of $T$ at any considered point is one. Therefore we have the following corollary immediately.
\begin{corollary}
For every $\f12e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le\th\le\mathfrak{R}_2$, let $M_{\th,\ep}$ be an $n$-dimensional smooth self-expander in $\overline{B_{\f1{\ep}}}$ with boundary $\p\Om_\th\cap\p B_{\f1\ep}$. Then $M_{\th,\ep}\subset\overline{\Om_\th}$. Namely, $\mathrm{spt}T_{\th,\ep}$ is a unique $n$-dimensional smooth self-expander with positive mean curvature and with boundary $\p\Om_\th\cap\p B_{\f1\ep}$.
\end{corollary}
Further, for $\th=e^{-\ep^{-1}}$ we can give a more delicate estimate for $f$ in Theorem \ref{UnSeboundary}. Noting \eqref{7211111111111},
a direct computation gives that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{LCthe-r}
L_{C,\th}\left(e^{-r}\right)=&\left(1-\f{n-1}r-\f r2-\f12+\f1{r^2}|A_{\Si,\th}|^2\right)e^{-r}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By \eqref{thHSith0}, for the sufficiently small $\mathfrak{R}_1>0$,
$\f{\p}{\p t}H_{\Si,t}\le(-\la_1+n)\varphi_1$ for each $t\in[0,\mathfrak{R}_1)$.
Then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{HSithlela1}
H_{\Si,\th}=\int_0^\th\f{\p H_{\Si,t}}{\p t}dt\le(-\la_1+n)\th\varphi_1=(-\la_1+n)e^{-\ep^{-1}}\varphi_1
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for the sufficiently small constant $\ep>0$.
Denote $c_{\k,R_9}\triangleq2(n+2)\k^{-2}R_9^{-1}e^{R_9}$. Combining \eqref{LCthe-r} and \eqref{HSithlela1}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{740LCth}
c_{\k,R_9}L_{C,\th}\left(e^{-r}\right)+\f1rH_{\Si,\th}\le-\f{c_{\k,R_9}}3 re^{-r}+(-\la_1+n)r^{-1}e^{-\ep^{-1}}\varphi_1\le-\f{c_{\k,R_9}}4 re^{-r}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
on $B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}$ for the sufficiently large $R_9>0$ depending on $\mathfrak{R}_1$ and $\Si$.
From \eqref{dHTthep} and the definition of $f$ in \eqref{deffmin} we get $f(x)-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|x|}\le0$ on $\p\Om_\th\cap\left(\p B_{\f1\ep}\cup\p B_{R_9}\right)$. We claim
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{fckR9e-|z|le0}
\sup_{x\in\p\Om_\th\bigcap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)}\left(f(x)-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|x|}\right)\le0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If not, there exists a point $z\in\p\Om_\th\cap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)$ such that
$$f(z)-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}=\sup_{x\in\p\Om_\th\bigcap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)}\left(f(x)-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|x|}\right)>0.$$
Then any tangent cone of $T_{\th,\ep}$ at $z$ lies on one side of a hyperplane. It is clearly that any tangent cone of $T_{\th,\ep}$ is a stationary cone with multiplicity one, which follows that the tangent cone of $T_{\th,\ep}$ at $z$ is a hyperplane. Hence $T_{\th,\ep}$ is smooth at $z$ by Allard's regularity theorem. Hence $\na_{C,\th}f=c_{\k,R_9}\na_{C,\th}e^{-|z|}$ and the Hessian of $f(x)-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|x|}$: $\na_{C,\th}^2\left(f(x)-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|x|}\right)\le0$ at $x=z$. Furthermore, there is a constant $\bar{c}_{\mathfrak{R}_1}\ge0$ depending on $C,\mathfrak{R}_1$ but independent of $R_9,\ep$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned
\na_{C,\th}^2f\le c_{\k,R_9}\na_{C,\th}^2e^{-|z|}\le\f{\bar{c}_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{r}g_{C,\th}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
at $z$, where $g_{C,\th}$ is the metric of $\p\Om_\th\setminus\{0\}$. Hence from the proof of Lemma \ref{5.4Asp} (compared with \eqref{7.28ge-fcrgCth} and \eqref{321LCthfaf1rHSith}), there is a constant $\bar{c}'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}$ depending on $C,\mathfrak{R}_1$ but independent of $R_9,\ep$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{743LCth}
L_{C,\th}f+\f1{|z|}H_{\Si,\th}\ge-\f{\bar{c}'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot|f|+|\na_{C,\th} f|\right)\qquad \mathrm{at}\ \ z.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $\th=e^{-\ep^{-1}}$ and $|A_{C,\th}|^2\le\f1{100}$ on $\p\Om_\th\setminus B_{R_9}$ for the sufficiently large $R_9>0$. Combining \eqref{740LCth} and \eqref{743LCth}, at $z$ we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\left(\f1{100}-\f12\right)&\left(f-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}\right)\ge\De_{C,\th}\left(f-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}\right)+\f12\left\lan z,\na_{C,\th}\left(f-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}\right)\right\ran\\
&\qquad \qquad\qquad\qquad\ \ +\left(|A_{C,\th}|^2-\f12\right)\left(f-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}\right)\\
&\qquad \qquad\qquad =L_{C,\th}f-L_{C,\th}\left(c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}\right)\\
&\qquad\ge-\f{\bar{c}'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot|f|+|\na_{C,\th} f|\right)-c_{\k,R_9}L_{C,\th}e^{-|z|}-\f1{|z|}H_{\Si,\th}\\
\ge&-\f{\bar{c}'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}\left(|z|\cdot\left|f-c_{\k,R_9}e^{-|z|}\right|+c_{\k,R_9}|z|e^{-|z|}+c_{\k,R_9}\left|\na_{C,\th}e^{-|z|}\right|\right)
+\f{c_{\k,R_9}}4 |z|e^{-|z|},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
which implies that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{0c'R1|z|3}
0\ge-\f{\bar{c}'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}}{|z|^{3}}c_{\k,R_9}\left(|z|+1\right)e^{-|z|}+\f{c_{\k,R_9}}4 |z|e^{-|z|}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for the sufficiently large $R_9>0$. By the definition of $\bar{c}'_{\mathfrak{R}_1}$, the inequality \eqref{0c'R1|z|3} does not hold for the sufficiently large $R_9$. Hence \eqref{fckR9e-|z|le0} holds.
Similarly, we get $f(x)\ge-2(n+2)\k^{-2}R_9^{-1}e^{R_9}e^{-|x|}$ on $\p\Om_\th\bigcap\left(B_{\f1\ep}\setminus B_{R_9}\right)$.
Therefore, we conclude that the Hausdorff distance
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{dHeep-1}
d_H\left(T_{e^{-\ep^{-1}},\ep}\bigcap\p B_r,\p\Om_{e^{-\ep^{-1}}}\bigcap\p B_r\right)<3(n+2)\k^{-2}R_9^{-1}e^{R_9}e^{-r}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for each $2R_9\le r\le\f1{\ep}$ with the sufficiently large $R_9>0$ independent of $\ep$.
\section{Some basic formulas related to normalized mean curvature flow}
Let $M$ be a smooth $m$-dimensional hypersurface in $\R^{m+1}$. Let $X : M \rightarrow \R^{m+1}$ be an isometric immersion with the tangent bundle $TM$ and the normal bundle $NM$ along $M$. Let $\na$ and $\overline{\na}$ be Levi-Civita connections on $M$ and $\R^{m+1}$, respectively. We consider a one-parameter family $X(\cdot,t): M \rightarrow \R^{m+1}$ with corresponding images $M_t=X(M,t)$ such that
\begin{eqnarray}\label{NMCF}
\left\{\begin{array}{ccc}
\dt{}X(x, t)&=&\overrightarrow{H}(x, t)-s(t)X(x,t),\qquad \\ [3mm]
X(x, 0)&=&X(x),\quad \ \
\end{array} x\in M \right.
\end{eqnarray}
is satisfied, where $s(t)$ is a smooth function on $t$, $\overrightarrow{H}(x,t)$ is the mean curvature vector of $M_t$ at $X(x,t)$ in $\R^{m+1}$. We call such flow a \emph{$s$-mean curvature flow}.
In a local coordinate system $\{x^i\}$, the metric and the second fundamental form on $X(\cdot,t)$ can be computed as follows
\begin{equation}\aligned
g_{ij}(x,t)=\left\lan\f{\p X(x,t)}{\p x^i},\f{\p X(x,t)}{\p x^j}\right\ran \qquad \mathrm{and}\qquad h_{ij}=\left\lan\f{\p^2 X(x,t)}{\p x^i\p x^j},\nu(x,t)\right\ran,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
respectively, where $\nu(x,t)$ is the unit normal vector of $M_t$ at $X(x,t)$. Then $\overrightarrow{H}(x, t)=H(x, t)\nu(x,t)$ with $H(x,t)=\sum_{i,j}g^{ij}(x,t)h_{ij}(x,t)$. Here $g^{ij}(x,t)$ is the inverse matrix of $g_{ij}(x,t)$. In the following text, we will always drop the indexes $x,t$ if there is no confusion.
For convenience, let $\na_i=\na_{\f{\p}{\p x^i}}$ and $\De$ be the Laplacian of $M_t$ if $M_t$ is smooth at the considered point.
\subsection{$s$-mean curvature flow}
Let's compute several evolution equations.
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p g_{ij}}{\p t}=\left\lan\f{\p}{\p x^i}(H\nu-sX),\f{\p X}{\p x^j}\right\ran+\left\lan\f{\p X}{\p x^i},\f{\p}{\p x^j}(H\nu-sX)\right\ran =-2Hh_{ij}-2sg_{ij},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p\nu}{\p t}=-g^{ij}\f{\p X}{\p x^i}\f{\p H}{\p x^j}=-\na H,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p h_{ij}}{\p t}=&\na_i\na_jH-Hh_{jl}g^{lk}h_{ik}+\left\lan\f{\p^2}{\p x^i\p x^j}(-sX),\nu\right\ran\\
=&\na_i\na_jH-Hh_{jl}g^{lk}h_{ik}-sh_{ij}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Denote $h^k_j=\sum_ig^{ki}h_{ij}$, $h^{ij}=\sum_kg^{ik}h_k^j$ and $|A|^2=\sum_{i,j}h_{ij}h^{ij}$. By a simple computation, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Dehij}
\De h_{ij}=\na_i\na_jH+Hh_{il}g^{lk}h_{kj}-|A|^2h_{ij},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
then
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p h_{ij}}{\p t}=\De h_{ij}-2Hh_{il}g^{lk}h_{kj}+|A|^2h_{ij}-sh_{ij},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{hjkeqn}
\f{\p h_{j}^k}{\p t}=&\f{\p}{\p t}(g^{ik}h_{ij})=-g^{il}\f{\p g_{lq}}{\p t}g^{qk}h_{ij}+g^{ik}\f{\p h_{ij}}{\p t}\\
=&g^{il}(2Hh_{lq}+2sg_{lq})g^{qk}h_{ij}+\De h_j^k-2Hh^k_lh^l_j+|A|^2h^k_j-sh^k_j\\
=&\De h_j^k+|A|^2h^k_j+sh^k_j.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
In particular,
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{pHsH}
\f{\p H}{\p t}=\De H+|A|^2H+sH,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and for any constant $\la\in\R$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p}{\p t}\left(h_{j}^k-\la H\right)=\De \left(h_{j}^k-\la H\right)+|A|^2\left(h_{j}^k-\la H\right)+s\left(h_{j}^k-\la H\right).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\{e_i\}$ be a normal basis at the considered point.
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DeXnu}
\De \lan X,\nu\ran=&\sum_{i}\na_{e_i}\lan X,\na_{e_i}\nu\ran=\sum_i\lan e_i,\na_{e_i}\nu\ran+\lan X,\na_{e_i}\na_{e_i}\nu\ran\\
=&-H-\sum_{i,j}\lan X,\na_{e_i}(h_{ij}e_j)\ran=-H-|A|^2\lan X,\nu\ran-\lan X,\na H\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Then we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{\p}{\p t}\lan X,\nu\ran=&-\lan X,\na H\ran+\lan H\nu-sX,\nu\ran\\
=&\De\lan X,\nu\ran+|A|^2\lan X,\nu\ran-s\lan X,\nu\ran+2H.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Hpeqn}
\f{\p}{\p t}\left(H-s\lan X,\nu\ran\right)=&\De\left(H-s\lan X,\nu\ran\right)+|A|^2\left(H-s\lan X,\nu\ran\right)\\
&+\left(\f{\p\log s}{\p t}-s\right)\left(H-s\lan X,\nu\ran\right)-H\f{\p\log s}{\p t}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If we define $\widehat{X}=e^{\int_0^ts(p)dp}X$ as the position vector of $e^{\int_0^ts(p)dp}M_t$, then the mean curvature vector $\widehat{H}$ of $e^{\int_0^ts(p)dp}M_t$ satisfies $\widehat{H}=e^{-\int_0^ts(p)dp}\overrightarrow{H}$. Denote
$$\widehat{t}(t)=\int_0^te^{2\int_0^ls(p)dp}dl+\hat{c}$$
for some constant $\hat{c}$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{d\widehat{X}}{d \widehat{t}}=\f{d\widehat{X}}{d t}\left(\f{d\widehat{t}}{dt}\right)^{-1}=e^{-2\int_0^ts(p)dp}\f{d}{d t}\left(e^{\int_0^ts(p)dp}X\right)=e^{-\int_0^ts(p)dp}\overrightarrow{H}=\widehat{H}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Namely, under the new invariant $\widehat{t}$, $e^{\int_0^{t\left(\widehat{t}\right)}s(p)dp}M_{t\left(\widehat{t}\right)}$ satisfies mean curvature flow, where $M_t$ satisfies \eqref{NMCF}. Note that $\widehat{t}(t)\rightarrow\infty$ if and only if $t\rightarrow\infty$.
From now on we assume that $s$ is a constant, and let
$$\widehat{t}(t)=\int_0^te^{2sl}dl+\f1{2s}=\f1{2s}e^{2st}.$$
Then under the new invariant $\widehat{t}$, $\sqrt{2s\widehat{t}}M_{\f1{2s}\log\left(2s\widehat{t}\right)}$ satisfies mean curvature flow, where $M_t$ satisfies \eqref{NMCF}.
Let $H_s=H-s\lan X,\nu\ran$, and
we call it \emph{$s$-mean curvature}. If a hypersurface $M$ has $s$-mean curvature $H_s\ge0$, we call that $M$ is \emph{$s$-mean convex}.
For a domain $U$ in $\R^{m+1}$ and a continuous function $\mathcal{F}\in C^0(U\times t)$, $\mathcal{F}(\cdot,t)^{-1}(\mathrm{const})$ is a \emph{$s$-level set flow} if $\mathcal{F}$ is a viscosity solution to
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DtU}
\f{\p \mathcal{F}}{\p t}=|D\mathcal{F}|\ \mathrm{div}\left(\f{D\mathcal{F}}{|D\mathcal{F}|}\right)+sx\cdot D\mathcal{F}=0\qquad \mathrm{on}\ U\times\R^+.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\subsection{$s$-Brakke motion}
Let $\{V_t\}_{t\ge0}$ be a family of $m$-dimensional varifolds in $\R^{m+1}$. We call $\{V_t\}_{t\ge0}$ a \emph{$s$-Brakke motion} provided that
$$\widetilde{V}_{\tilde{t}}=\sqrt{2s\tau}V_{\f1{2s}\log(2s\tilde{t})}$$
is a Brakke motion in \cite{Br}.
Moreover, let $\mu$ be an $m$-dimensional Radon measure on $\R^{m+1}$ with the corresponding varifold $V_\mu$, and $\phi\in C_c^2(\R^{m+1},\R^+)$.
In the following cases (singular cases)
\begin{enumerate}
\item $\mu\llcorner\{\phi>0\}$ is not an $m$-rectifiable Radon measure,
\item $|\de V|\llcorner\{\phi>0\}$ is not a Radon measure on $\{\phi>0\}$, where $V=V_\mu\llcorner\{\phi>0\}$,
\item $|\de V|\llcorner\{\phi>0\}$ is singular with respect to $\mu\llcorner\{\phi>0\}$,
\item $\int\phi H^2d\mu=\infty$, where $\overrightarrow{H}=d(\de V)/d\mu\llcorner\{\phi>0\}$ is the generalized mean curvature vector of $V_\mu$,
\end{enumerate}
we define $\mathcal{B}_s(\mu,\phi)=-\infty$. Otherwise (Nonsingular case), we define
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Bmuphi}
\mathcal{B}_s(\mu,\phi)\le&\int\left(-\phi \left(|\overrightarrow{H}|^2-s\lan \overrightarrow{H},X\ran\right)+\overline{\na}\phi\cdot \textbf{S}^{\bot}\cdot \left(\overrightarrow{H}-sX\right)\right)d\mu\\
=&\int\left(-\phi \left(|\overrightarrow{H}|^2+ms\right)+\overline{\na}\phi\cdot \left(\textbf{S}^{\bot}\cdot\overrightarrow{H}-sX\right)\right)d\mu,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\textbf{S}=\textbf{S}(X)\triangleq T_X\mu$ for $\mathcal{H}^m$-a.e. $X\in\{\phi>0\}$.
Then obviously $\{V_t\}_{t\ge0}$ is a $s$-Brakke motion if and only if for all $t\ge0$ and all $\phi\in C_c^2(M,\R^+)$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\bar{D}_t\mu_t(\phi)\le\mathcal{B}_s(\mu_t,\phi),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\bar{D}_t$ is the upper derivative for each function $f:\R\rightarrow\R$ defined by
\begin{equation}\aligned
\bar{D}_{t_0}f(t)=\limsup_{t\rightarrow t_0}\f{f(t)-f(t_0)}{t-t_0}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\subsection{Translating solitons of $s$-mean curvature flow}
Now we discuss the translating solitons of $s$-mean curvature flow.
Let $M$ be an $m$-dimensional smooth graph in $\R^{m+1}$ over a domain $\Om\subset\R^m$ with the graphic function $u$, whose mean curvature satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Hpla}
H=\left\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},\nu\right\ran,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $x$ is the projection of $M$ into $\R^{m}$, $\nu$ is the unit normal vector of $M$, $E_{m+1}$ is the unit vector pointing the $x_{m+1}$-axis, and $s,\la$ are constants.
Let $\{e_i\}_{i=1}^m$ be an orthonormal basis of $M$, which is normal at the considered point, and $h_{ij}=\lan\overline{\na}_{e_i}e_j,\nu\ran$. Combining \eqref{Dehij} and \eqref{Hpla}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DehijNla0}
&\De h_{ij}=\na_{e_i}\na_{e_j}\left(s\lan x,\nu\ran-\la\lan E_{m+1},\nu\ran\right)+Hh_{ik}h_{kj}-|A|^2h_{ij}\\
=&s\na_{e_i}\lan \na_{e_j}x,\nu\ran-s\na_{e_i}\lan x,h_{jk}e_k\ran+\la\na_{e_i}\lan E_{m+1},h_{jk}e_k\ran+Hh_{il}g^{lk}h_{kj}-|A|^2h_{ij}\\
=&s\lan \na_{e_i}\na_{e_j}x,\nu\ran-s\lan \na_{e_j}x,h_{ik}e_k\ran-s\lan \na_{e_i}x,h_{jk}e_k\ran-s\lan x,h_{ijk}e_k+h_{ik}h_{jk}\nu\ran\\
&+\la\lan E_{m+1},h_{ijk}e_k+h_{ik}h_{jk}\nu\ran+Hh_{ik}h_{kj}-|A|^2h_{ij}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
View $u$ also be the function on $M$ by letting $u(X)=u(x)$ for $X=(x,u(x))$.
Since $x=X-x_{m+1}E_{m+1}$, then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DehijNla'}
\De h_{ij}=&s\lan \na_{e_i}\left(e_j-\na_{e_j}uE_{m+1}\right),\nu\ran+sh_{ik}\na_{e_j}u\lan E_{m+1},e_k\ran+sh_{jk}\na_{e_i}u\lan E_{m+1},e_k\ran\\
&-2sh_{ij}-s\lan x,\na h_{ij}\ran-sh_{ik}h_{jk}\lan x,\nu\ran\\
&+\la\lan E_{m+1},\na h_{ij}\ran+\la h_{ik}h_{jk}\lan E_{m+1},\nu\ran+Hh_{ik}h_{kj}-|A|^2h_{ij}\\
=&-\left(s+|A|^2\right)h_{ij}-\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},\na h_{ij}\ran-s\na_{e_i}\na_{e_j}u\lan E_{m+1},\nu\ran\\
&+sh_{ik}\na_{e_j}u\lan E_{m+1},e_k\ran+sh_{jk}\na_{e_i}u\lan E_{m+1},e_k\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Set $u_i=\f{\p u}{\p x_i}$, $u_{ij}=\f{\p^2u}{\p x_ix_j}$ and $u_{i,j}=u_{ij}-\G_{ij}^ku_k$, where $\G_{ij}^k$ is the Christoffel symbol defined by
$$\G_{ij}^k=\f12g^{kl}\left(\f{\p g_{li}}{\p x_j}+\f{\p g_{lj}}{\p x_i}-\f{\p g_{ij}}{\p x_l}\right)$$
with $g_{ij}=\de_{ij}+u_iu_j$ and $g^{ij}=\de_{ij}-\f{u_iu_j}{1+|Du|^2}$. A simple computation implies that
$\G_{ij}^k=\f{u_ku_{ij}}{1+|Du|^2}$ and $u_{i,j}=\f{u_{ij}}{1+|Du|^2}$.
Let $\mathrm{Hess}^M$ be the Hessian on $M$. Then
\begin{equation}\aligned
|\mathrm{Hess}^M_u|^2=&\sum g^{ij}u_{j,k}g^{kl}u_{l,i}\\
=&\f1{1+|Du|^2}\sum g^{ij}\f{u_{jk}}{\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}g^{kl}\f{u_{li}}{\sqrt{1+|Du|^2}}=\f{|A|^2}{1+|Du|^2}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining $|\na u|^2=\f{|Du|^2}{1+|Du|^2}$ and \eqref{DehijNla'} we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DehijNla}
\De h_{ij}+\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},\na h_{ij}\ran+\left(s+|A|^2\right)h_{ij}\ge&-3s|A|.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Denote
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Hs}
H_s\triangleq H-s\lan x,\nu\ran=-\la\left\lan E_{m+1},\nu\right\ran.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
In view of \eqref{DehijNla0}, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\De H_s=-\la\De\lan E_{m+1},\nu\ran=\la\lan E_{m+1},\na H\ran-|A|^2H_s\\
=&\la\left\lan E_{m+1},\na \left\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},\nu\right\ran\right\ran-|A|^2H_s\\
=&s\la\left\lan E_{m+1}, \left\lan \na x,\nu\right\ran\right\ran+\la\left\lan E_{m+1},e_i\right\ran\left\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},-h_{ij}e_j\right\ran-|A|^2H_s\\
=&s\la\left\lan E_{m+1},e_i\right\ran\left\lan -\na_{e_i} uE_{m+1},\nu\right\ran+\la\left\lan E_{m+1},\na_{e_j}\nu\right\ran\left\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},e_j\right\ran-|A|^2H_s\\
=&s\la\left\lan E_{m+1},-\na u\right\ran\left\lan E_{m+1},\nu\right\ran-\left\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},e_j\right\ran\na_{e_j}H_s-|A|^2H_s.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Note that $\left\lan E_{m+1},\na u\right\ran=|\na u|^2$ (see formula 2.13 in \cite{D1} for instance), then
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DeHpNla}
\De H_s+\left\lan sx-\la E_{m+1},\na H_s\right\ran+\left(|A|^2+s|\na u|^2\right)H_s=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\section{The lower bounds of density for minimal cones}
A submanifold $\mathfrak{X}$ is said to be a \emph{self-shrinker} in Euclidean space if it satisfies the elliptic equations
\begin{equation}\label{SS}
H=-\frac{X^N}{2},
\end{equation}
where $X^N$ is the projection of the position vector $X$ of $\Si$ into the normal bundle of $\mathfrak{X}$.
Let $\mathfrak{X}$ be an $(m-1)$-dimensional hypersurface in $\R^{m}$ with polynomial volume growth, we define the entropy on $\mathfrak{X}$ by
$$\la(\mathfrak{X})=\sup_{x\in\R^{m},t>0}\int_{\mathfrak{X}}\f1{(4\pi t)^{(m-1)/2}}e^{-\f{|y-x|^2}{4t}}dy.$$
For each $(m-1)$-dimensional self-shrinker $\mathfrak{X}$, Colding and Minicozzi in \cite{CM2} have got
$$\la(\mathfrak{X})=\int_{\mathfrak{X}}\f1{(4\pi)^{(m-1)/2}}e^{-\f{|y|^2}{4}}dy.$$
According to \cite{St}, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{92lak}
d_k\triangleq\la(\S^k\times\R^{m-1-k})=\la(\S^k)=\left(\f k{2e}\right)^{\f k2}\f{2\sqrt{\pi}}{\G(\f{k+1}2)}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for $1\le k\le m-1$, where $\G(t)$ is the standard Gamma function. It is easy to check that $1.520\thickapprox\sqrt{\f{2\pi}e}=d_1>\cdots>d_k>d_{k+1}$ for $k\ge1$. By Stirling's formula $n!\thicksim\sqrt{2\pi n}\left(\f ne\right)^n$, we have
$$\lim_{k\rightarrow\infty}d_k=\sqrt{2}.$$
\subsection{Construction of $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow}
Ilmanen and White obtained the sharp lower bound on density for area-minimizing cones in \cite{IW}. Now we suppose that $C=C\Si$ is an embedded, minimal but not minimizing cone in $\R^{n}$, and $\Om^\pm$ are two connected components of $\R^n\setminus C$. Let $\mathscr{B}_r$ be an $n$-dimensional ball in $\R^n$ centered at the origin with radius $r$ in this whole section. Without loss of generality, we assume that $C$ is not area-minimizing in $\Om^+$.
Recall the definition of $\mathscr{U}_\th$ and $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ in the section 7. Now we replace $\Om$ and $\R^{n+1}$ there by $\Om^+$ and $\R^n$ in this section, respectively, and get $\mathscr{U}^n_\th$ corresponding to $\mathscr{U}_\th$ in the section 7. For convenience we still denote $\mathscr{U}^n_\th$ by $\mathscr{U}_\th$. Further, we denote $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ be an $(n-1)$-dimensional smooth star-shaped hypersurface obtained in Theorem \ref{ExSeboundary}, such that $\f1{\ep}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ is a self-expander in $\mathscr{B}_{\f1{\ep}}$ with $\p\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=\p\mathscr{U}_\th$ for $0<\th\le e^{-\ep^{-1}}$ and the sufficiently small $\ep>0$.
If $C$ is not area-minimizing in $\Om^-$, then analogously we can define the corresponding notation: $\widehat{\mathscr{U}}_\th, \widehat{\mathfrak{M}}_{\ep,\th}$ in $\Om^-$ for $0<\th\le e^{-\ep^{-1}}$.
Precisely, $\widehat{\mathscr{U}}_\th$ is $\mathscr{U}_\th$ in the section 7 if we replace $\Om$ and $\R^{n+1}$ there by $\Om^-$ and $\R^n$, and $\f1{\ep}\widehat{\mathfrak{M}}_{\ep,\th}$ is a smooth star-shaped self-expander with $\p\widehat{\mathfrak{M}}_{\ep,\th}=\p\widehat{\mathscr{U}}_\th$. For convenience, let $\mathscr{U}_\th=\widehat{\mathscr{U}}_{-\th}, \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=\widehat{\mathfrak{M}}_{\ep,-\th}$ for $-e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le\th<0$.
If $C$ is an area-minimizing cone in $\Om^-$, there is an $n$-dimensional smooth area-minimizing hypersurface $S_C$ in $\Om^-$. Then we define $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}=(-\th)S_C\cap \mathscr{B}_1$, and set $\mathscr{U}_\th$ be the domain in $\Om^-\cap\S^{n-1}$ with boundary $\p\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\th}$ for $-e^{-\ep^{-1}}\le\th<0$.
Let $\tau:\R \rightarrow\left[-e^{-\ep^{-1}},e^{-\ep^{-1}}\right)$
be a smooth increasing function such that $\tau(t)=-e^{-\ep^{-1}}$ for $t\le0$, $\tau'(t)>0$ for $t>0$, $\tau(2)=0$, and $\tau(t)\rightarrow e^{-\ep^{-1}}$ as $t\rightarrow\infty$.
For any $t\in\R$, let
$$\G_{\ep,t}=\p \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\tau(t)}\qquad\mathrm{for}\qquad t\in\R\setminus\{2\},$$
and let $\G_{\ep,2}=C\cap\S^{n-1}$ and $\G_{\ep,\infty}=\p \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$. Set $V_\ep$ be a domain including the origin enclosed by $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$, $\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ and $\S^{n-1}$. Namely, $$V_\ep=\bigcup_{t>0}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\tau(t)}\setminus\S^{n-1}.$$
For $\la, T>0$, let
$$S_{\ep,\la}^T=\left(\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}\times\{0\}\right)\bigcup\left(\cup_{t\in[0,T]}(\G_{\ep,\tau(t)}\times\{\la t\})\right)\bigcup\left( \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,\tau(T)}\times\{\la T\}\right),$$
and $S_{\ep,\la}=S_{\ep,\la}^{T(\la)}$ for a function $T(\la)$ with $\f{T(\la)}{\la}\rightarrow\infty$ as $\la\rightarrow\infty$.
Let $\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}\subset\p V_\ep\times\R$ be a smooth manifold obtained from $S_{\ep,\la}$ by rounding the corners so that:
(1) $\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$ and $S_{\ep,\la}$ coincide except in tubular neighborhoods of radius $\f1\la$ of $\G_{\ep,0}\times\{0\}$ and $\G_{\ep,\tau(T(\la))}\times\{\la T(\la)\}$, respectively.
(2) The principal curvatures of the $\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$ are bounded by $\f{\tilde{\k}_{\ep}}{\la}$ for some constant $\tilde{\k}_{\ep}$ independent of $\la$.
(3) $\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$ is a generalized graph over $\p V_\ep$ in the following sense: for each $x\in\p V_\ep$, the intersection of $\{x\}\times\R$ with $\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$ consists of either a single point or a line segment.
Now we consider a functional
\begin{equation}\label{TSE}
\int_{N_{\ep,\la}}e^{\f1{4}\ep^{-2}|x|^2-\la x_{n+1}}d\mu_{N_{\ep,\la}}
\end{equation}
with boundary $\p N_{\ep,\la}=\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$. Here $|x|^2=\sum_{i=1}^{n}x_i^2$, and $d\mu_{N_{\ep,\la}}$ is the volume element of $N_{\ep,\la}$.
\begin{lemma}\label{Neplaphi}
There is a smooth graph $N_{\ep,\la}$ over $\overline{V_\ep}$ with $\p N_{\ep,\la}=\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$ and with the graphic function $\phi_{\ep,\la}$ satisfying
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Dphila}
\mathrm{div}\left(\f{D\phi_{\ep,\la}}{\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}\right)+\f{x\cdot D\phi_{\ep,\la}}{2\ep^2\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}+\f{\la}{\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}=0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Here, $'\mathrm{div}'$ is the divergence of $\R^n$ with the standard Euclidean metric.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
A minimizer of functional \eqref{TSE} is an area-minimizing hypersurface in the weighted space $(\R^{n+1},\bar{g}_{\ep,\la})$, where the metric
$$\bar{g}_{\ep,\la}=e^{\f 1{2n}\ep^{-2}|x|^2-\f{2\la}nx_{n+1}}\sum_{i=1}^{n+1}dx_i^2.$$
Note that $\p(V_\ep\times\R)$ is $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean convex except $\left(\G_{\ep,0}\cup\G_{\ep,\infty}\right)\times\R$. By compactness theorem in \cite{S}, there is an integral current $N_{\ep,\la}$ minimizing the functional \eqref{TSE} in $\overline{V_\ep}\times\R$ with $\p N_{\ep,\la}=\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$.
We claim $\left(N_{\ep,\la}\setminus\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}\right)\bigcap\left(\left(\G_{\ep,0}\cup\G_{\ep,\infty}\right)\times\R\right)=\emptyset$. If the set is not empty and contains a point $z$,
then blowing up $N_{\ep,\la}$ at $z$ gets a minimizing current in a cone whose support is contained in an open half space $\R^n\times(0,\infty)$. However, this is impossible (see the proof of Lemma \ref{smsemc} for example). So we obtain $N_{\ep,\la}\bigcap\left(\left(\G_{\ep,0}\cup\G_{\ep,\infty}\right)\times\R\right)\subset\widetilde{S}_{\ep,\la}$ and $N_{\ep,\la}\setminus\p N_{\ep,\la}\subset V_\ep\times\R$ by maximum principle.
For ellipsoidal integrands, the methods of Hardt-Simon in \cite{HS} can readily carry over. Hence $N_{\ep,\la}$ is smooth in a neighborhood of the boundary $\p N_{\ep,\la}$, and the singular set of $N_{\ep,\la}$ is a compact subset of $V_\ep\times\R$. At any regular point of $N_{\ep,\la}$, the mean curvature of $N_{\ep,\la}$ satisfies
$$H=\left\lan \f1{2\ep^2}x-\la E_{n+1},\nu\right\ran,$$
where
$E_{n+1}$ represents the direction of $x_{n+1}$ axis, and $\nu$ is the unit normal vector of $N_{\ep,\la}$.
Let $N_{\ep,\la}(t)=\{X-\la tE_{n+1}|\ X\in N_{\ep,\la}\}$ for any $t\in\R$. Let $s_m$ be the smallest nonpositive number such that $N_{\ep,\la}(s_m)$ intersects $N_{\ep,\la}$ in the interior. For any $\ep>0$, the function
$$(X,Y)\in N_{\ep,\la}\times N_{\ep,\la}(s_m-\ep)\mapsto |X-Y|$$
has an interior local minimum $(X,Y)$. Hence the tangent cones to $N_{\ep,\la}$ at $X$ and to $N_{\ep,\la}(s_m-\ep)$ at $Y$, respectively, both lie in halfspaces and are therefore hyperplanes. So $X$ and $Y$ are regular points of $N_{\ep,\la}$ and of $N_{\ep,\la}(s_m-\ep)$, respectively.
By Lemma 9 in \cite{W13}, we get that $N_{\ep,\la}$ and $N_{\ep,\la}(s_m)$ lie in parallel vertical planes. However, it is incompatible with the boundary conditions. Therefore, $N_{\ep,\la}$ is a graph over $\overline{V_\ep}$ with the graphic function $\phi_{\ep,\la}$. It is not hard to show that $N_{\ep,\la}$ is smooth (see \cite{W13} for example). Obviously $\phi_{\ep,\la}$ satisfies the equation \eqref{Dphila}. In particular, $N_{\ep,\la}$ has negative $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature.
\end{proof}
We define a flow $\mathcal{N}_{\ep,\la}:\ t\in\R\rightarrow N_{\ep,\la}(t)\triangleq\{X-\la tE_{n+1}|\ X\in N_{\ep,\la}\}$.
Now we have the following Theorem.
\begin{theorem}\label{exThm}
Under the hypotheses above, there is a unique weak solution
$$\mathcal{M}_\ep:\ t\in\R\mapsto M_\ep(t)$$
of $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow in $\mathscr{B}_1$ such that $M_\ep(t)=\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ for all $t\le0$ and such that $\p M_\ep(t)=\G_{\ep,t}$ for all $t>0$. The surfaces $M_\ep(t)$ are disjoint (for distinct values of $t>0$), and $\{M_\ep(t)\}_{t>0}$ is a foliation of $V_\ep$.
Each $M_\ep(t)$ is rectifiable, and the multiplicity-one varifolds associated to the $M_\ep(t)$ form a $\f1{2\ep^2}$-Brakke flow. Furthermore, there is a compact subset (the singular set) $Q_\ep$ of $V_\ep$ with the following properties:\\
(1) The set $Q_\ep$ has Hausdorff dimension at most $(n-2)$, and the spacetime singular set has parabolic Hausdorff dimension at most $(n-2)$.\\
(2) Each $M_\ep(t)\setminus Q_\ep$ with $t\in(0,\infty)$ is a smooth, properly embedded submanifold of $\mathscr{B}_1\setminus Q_\ep$ with boundary $\G_{\ep,t}$, and the $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature of $M_\ep(t)\setminus Q_\ep$ is everywhere positive.\\
(3) If $t>0$ and $t(i)\rightarrow t$, then $M_\ep(t(i))$ converges smoothly to $M_\ep(t)$ away from $M_\ep(t)\cap Q_\ep$.\\
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Set
$$\Phi_{\ep,\la}(x,t)=\phi_{\ep,\la}(x)-\la t,\qquad \mathrm{for}\ t\in\R,$$
then $\Phi_{\ep,\la}$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DtPhila}
\f{\p\Phi_{\ep,\la}}{\p t}=\sqrt{1+|D\Phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}\ \mathrm{div}\left(\f{D\Phi_{\ep,\la}}{\sqrt{1+|D\Phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}\right)+\f{x\cdot D\Phi_{\ep,\la}}{2\ep^2}\qquad \mathrm{on}\ V_\ep.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
In other words, $N_{\ep,\la}(t)=\{(x,\Phi_{\ep,\la}(x,t))\in V_\ep\times\R|\ x\in V_\ep\}$. Let $\mu^\la_{\ep,t}$ be an $n$-dimensional Radon measure on $\R^{n+1}$ with the corresponding $N_{\ep,\la}(t)$. Analog to Brakke flow (see the proof of 6.7 in \cite{I94}),
$\mu^\la_{\ep,t}-C_3(\phi)t$ is nonincreasing on $t$ for any $\phi\in C^2_c( N_{\ep,\la}(t),\R^+)$, where $C_3(\phi)=C_2(\phi)C_1(\{\phi>0\})$ as 7.2(i) in \cite{I94}. From Chapter 8 in \cite{I94}, there is a subsequence $\la_i$ such that $\mu^{\la_i}_{\ep,t}$ converges to $\bar{\mu}_{\ep,t}$ in the weak sense,
which has translation invariance as 8.8 in \cite{I94}.
Analog to the argument of elliptic regularization in \cite{I94}, it is not hard to see that the flow $\mathcal{N}_{\ep,\la_i}$ converges as $i\rightarrow\infty$ to a flow $t\in\R\rightarrow M_\ep(t)\times\R$ in the weak sense, where $M_\ep(t)$ is a $\f1{2\ep^2}$-Brakke flow in $\mathscr{B}_1\subset\R^n$ with $\p M_\ep(t)=\G_{\ep,t}$.
By the uniqueness of viscosity solutions (see \cite{ES} for instance), the flow $\mathcal{N}_{\ep,\la}$ converges as $\la\rightarrow\infty$ to a flow $t\in\R\rightarrow M_\ep(t)\times\R$ in the weak sense. Without loss of generality, we assume $M_\ep(t)\cap \p \mathscr{B}_1=\emptyset$.
We define $v_\ep:\bigcup_{t\ge0}M_\ep(t)\rightarrow\R$ be the function such that $v_\ep(x)=t$ for each $x\in M_\ep(t)$. Then $v_\ep$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{levelsvep}
\mathrm{div}\left(\f{Dv_\ep}{|Dv_\ep|}\right)+\f{x\cdot D v_{\ep}}{2\ep^2|Dv_\ep|}+\f{1}{|Dv_\ep|}=0\qquad \mathrm{on}\ V_\ep
\endaligned
\end{equation}
in the viscosity sense. By comparison principle for \eqref{Dphila}, $\phi_{\ep}\ge-\f1\la$ on $V_\ep$, which implies $v_\ep\ge0$ on $V_\ep$.
Let
$$U_{\ep,\la}(x,y)=\f{1}{\la}\left(\phi_{\ep,\la}(x)-y\right)\qquad \mathrm{on}\ V_\ep\times\R,$$
then $U_{\ep,\la}^{-1}(t)=N_{\ep,\la}(t)$.
Let $U_{\ep,\infty}:\,V_\ep\times\R\rightarrow\R$ by
$$U_{\ep,\infty}(x,y)=v_\ep(x).$$
Hence the level set $U_{\ep,\la}^{-1}(t)=N_{\ep,\la}(t)$ converges to the level set $U_{\ep,\infty}^{-1}=M_\ep(t)$ in the varifold sense for almost all $t$.
So $\f{1}{\la}\phi_{\ep,\la}$ converges to $v_\ep$ uniformly on any compact set of $V_\ep$.
Let $Q_\ep$ be the set containing all the singular points of $M_\ep(t)$ for $t\in[0,\infty)$.
Analog to the argument of White's regularity theorem in \cite{W05} (or Brakke's regularity theorem in \cite{Br}), $\f{1}{\la}\phi_{\ep,\la}$ converges as $\la\rightarrow\infty$ to $v_\ep$ smoothly on $V_\ep\setminus Q_\ep$.
Set $M_\ep(t)=\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ for all $t\le0$, and a (weak) $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow $\mathcal{M}_\ep:\ t\in\R\mapsto M_\ep(t)$.
Set $V^\ep=V_{\ep}\cup \mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$.
Let $F_t(V^\ep)=\bigcup_{r\ge t}M_\ep(r)$ for $t\ge0$, then
$$F_{t+h}(V^\ep)=F_{t}(F_h(V^\ep))=F_t\left(\cup_{r\ge h}M_\ep(r)\right).$$
By the maximum principle for viscosity solutions,
we obtain that
$$F_h(V^{\ep})\subset V_\ep=\mathrm{interior}(V^\ep)\qquad \mathrm{for}\ \ 0<h<\ep.$$
Then for $0<h<\ep$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Fth}
F_{t+h}(V^{\ep})\subset \mathrm{interior}(F_t(V^\ep)).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By induction, \eqref{Fth} holds for all $t+h>t\ge0$. In other words, $\p F_t(V^\ep)$ is $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean convex pointing into the interior of $F_t(V^\ep)$.
Analog to Corollary 3.3 in \cite{W00}, we obtain $M_\ep(t)=\p (F_t(V^\ep))\setminus(\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}\cup\p \mathscr{B}_1)$. Furthermore, $t\in[0,\infty)\rightarrow M_\ep(t)$ forms a (possible singular) foliation of $V^\ep$.
Analog to \cite{W00}, we say that $V$ is a \emph{local ($\ep$,\textbf{E})-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface} if $\f1{\ep}V\setminus\p\left(\f1\ep V\right)$ can be covered by balls $\bigcup_\a\mathscr{B}_{r_\a}(y_\a)$ such that $\f1{\ep}V\cap \mathscr{B}_{r_\a}(y_\a)$ is an \textbf{E}-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface for all $\a$. Here, $\mathscr{B}_r(x)$ is an $(n-1)$-dimensional ball centered at $x$ with radius $r$ in $\R^n$. Note that $\p F_t(V^\ep)$ is mean convex in the space $(\R^n,e^{\f1{4}\ep^{-2}|x|^2})$, where $|x|^2=\sum_{i=1}^nx_i^2$. Suppose that $S_{\ep,t}$ is a local ($\ep$,\textbf{E})-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{V_\ep\setminus F_t(V^\ep)}$ with boundary $\G_{\ep,t}$.
From Lemma \ref{msem},
$$S_{\ep,t}\bigcap\left(\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,-e^{-\ep^{-1}}}\bigcup\cup_{s< t}\G_{\ep,s}\right)=\emptyset.$$
Obviously, $\tau\in\R\mapsto S_{\ep,t}(\tau)=S_{\ep,t}$ is a $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow. From the foliation $\{M_{\ep}(s)\}_{s<t}$ we obtain $S_{\ep,t}\cap M_\ep(s)=\emptyset$ for any $s<t$ by parabolic maximum principle of viscosity solutions, which follows that $S_{\ep,t}\setminus\G_{\ep,t}\subset M_\ep(t)$.
Compared with the one-sided minimization theorem in \cite{W00}, $M_\ep(t)$ is a locally ($\ep$,\textbf{E})-minimizing self-expanding hypersurface in $\overline{V_\ep\setminus F_t(V^\ep)}$ with fixed boundary.
In particular, for each $\mathscr{B}_r(x)\subset V_\ep$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{VolMept}
\mathcal{H}^{n-1}_\ep\left(M_\ep(t)\cap \mathscr{B}_r(x)\right)\le\mathcal{H}^{n-1}_\ep\left(\p \mathscr{B}_r(x)\right),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\mathcal{H}^k_\ep(K)$ denotes $k$-dimensional Hausdorff measure with the weight $e^{\f{|x|^2}{4\ep^2}}$ of any set $K\subset\R^n$.
In particular, $M_\ep(t)$ has Euclidean volume growth locally.
With the foliation of $\{M_\ep(t)\}_{t\ge0}$, we can deduce that for each $t\in(0,\infty)$, $M_\ep(t)\setminus Q_\ep$ is a smooth, properly embedded hypersurface in $\mathscr{B}_1\setminus Q_\ep$.
By the argument in \cite{W00}, one can estimate the size of the singular set $Q_\ep$. Precisely, the set $Q_\ep$ has Hausdorff dimension at most $(n-2)$, and the spacetime singular set has parabolic Hausdorff dimension at most $(n-2)$ (parabolic Hausdorff dimension corresponds to the following parabolic distance). By the strong parabolic maximum principle, the $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature of $M_\ep(t)\setminus(Q_\ep\cup\G_\ep(t))$ is everywhere positive.
\end{proof}
If $\mathbb{X}=(x,t)$ and $\mathbb{X}'=(x',t')$ are points in spacetime $\R^{n,1}=\R^n\times\R$, we define a \emph{parabolic distance}
$$\mathrm{dist}_P(\mathbb{X},\mathbb{X}')=\max\{|x-x'|,\ |t-t'|^{1/2}\}.$$
Let $\mathbb{B}(\mathbb{X},r)=\{\mathbb{Y}\in\R^{n,1}|\ \mathrm{dist}_P(\mathbb{X},\mathbb{Y})<r\}$ be the spacetime ball with radius $r$ and centered at $\mathbb{X}$.
\subsection{Singularities of $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow}
\begin{lemma}\label{volsingxi}
Let $\ep_i\rightarrow0$ and $(x_{\ep_i},t_{\ep_i})$ be a singular point of the flow $\mathcal{M}_{\ep_i}$ with $t_{\ep_i}>0$, then there is an absolute constant $\mathcal{K}>1$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{cl1}
\limsup_{i\rightarrow\infty}\left(\f{|x_{\ep_i}|}{\ep_i\log\f1{\ep_i}}\right)< \mathcal{K}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
We will prove this lemma by contradiction.
If there is a subsequence $\ep_{i_j}$ such that $\left(\ep_{i_j}\log\f1{\ep_{i_j}}\right)^{-1}|x_{\ep_{i_j}}|\rightarrow\infty$. For simplicity, denote $\ep_{i_j}$ by $\ep_j$.
We set
$$\widetilde{\mathcal{M}}_{\ep_i}: t\in\R\rightarrow \widetilde{M}_{\ep_i}(t)=\ep_i^{-3}M_{\ep_i}(\ep_i^{6}t).$$
Then $\widetilde{\mathcal{M}}_{\ep_i}$ is a flow satisfying the evolution equation
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{epHCF}
\f{dx}{dt}=\overrightarrow{H}-\f{1}2\ep_i^4x
\endaligned
\end{equation}
such that $\widetilde{M}_{\ep_i}(t)=\ep_i^{-3}\mathfrak{M}_{\ep_i,-e^{-\ep_i^{-1}}}$ for $t\le0$, and $\p \widetilde{M}_{\ep_i}(t)=\ep_i^{-3}\G_{\ep_i,\ep_i^{6} t}=\ep_i^{-3}\p\mathfrak{M}_{\ep_i,\tau(\ep_i^{6} t)}$ for $t\ge0$. Obviously, $\widetilde{\mathcal{M}}_{\ep_i}$ has a singularity at $\left(\ep_i^{-3}x_{\ep_i},\ep_i^{-6}t_{\ep_i}\right)$.
Combining \eqref{dHeep-1}, the definition of $\G_{\ep,t}$, and $\left(\ep_i\log\f1{\ep_i}\right)^{-1}|x_{\ep_{i}}|\rightarrow\infty$, there is a subsequence $\ep_{i_j}$ of $\ep_i$ such that
$$\ep_{i_j}^{-3}\left(\overline{V_{\ep_{i_j}}}\bigcap B_{\f12|x_{\ep_{i_j}}|}(x_{\ep_{i_j}})\right)-\ep_{i_j}^{-3}x_{\ep_{i_j}}\rightarrow K_0\subset\R^{n-1}$$ as $\ep_{i_j}\rightarrow0$ in the sense of Hausdorff distance, where $K_0$ is a domain with $0\in\overline{K_0}$, and with boundary $\p K_0$ being empty or an affine $(n-2)$-plane in $\R^{n-1}$. For simplicity, denote $\ep_{i_j}$ by $\ep_j$. For any $s\ge0$
\begin{equation}\aligned
\ep_i^{-1}\left(M_{\ep_i}(s)\bigcap B_{\f12|x_{\ep_i}|}(x_{\ep_i})\right)\subset \ep_i^{-1}\overline{V_{\ep_i}}\bigcap B_{\f12\ep_i^{-1}|x_{\ep_i}|}(\ep_i^{-1}x_{\ep_i}).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Then for any fixed $s\ge0$,
$\ep_{i}^{-3}\left(M_{\ep_i}(s+t_{\ep_i})\bigcap B_{\f12|x_{\ep_i}|}(x_{\ep_i})\right)-\ep_i^{-3}x_{\ep_i}$ converges as $\ep_i\rightarrow0$ to the domain $K_0\subset\R^{n-1}$ in the sense of Hausdorff distance.
Set $\mathcal{T}_i:\ t\in\R\mapsto T_i(t)$ by
$$\mathcal{T}_i=\widetilde{\mathcal{M}}_{\ep_i}-\left(\ep_i^{-3}x_{\ep_i},\ep_i^{-6}t_{\ep_i}\right)$$
for every $i$, then by \eqref{epHCF} $\mathcal{T}_i$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned
\f{dx}{dt}=\overrightarrow{H}-\f{1}2\ep_i^4\left(x+\ep_i^{-3}x_{\ep_i}\right)
\endaligned
\end{equation}
and has a singularity at $(0,0)\in\R^n\times\R$.
By the
compactness Theorem 7.1 in \cite{I94},
$\mathcal{T}_i$ has a subsequence (we still denote it by $\ep_i$ for convenience) converging to a Brakke flow $\mathcal{M}_0:\ t\in\R\mapsto M_0(t)$.
For every $t\in\R$, $M_0(t)$ has support $\overline{K_0}$.
Case 1: $0\in K_0$.
There is a constant $\si>0$ such that $B_{2\si}\subset K_0$. Recall that $\mathbb{B}(\mathbb{X},r)=\{\mathbb{Y}\in\R^{n,1}|\ \mathrm{dist}_P(\mathbb{X},\mathbb{Y})<r\}$ is the spacetime ball in $\R^{n,1}=\R^{n}\times\R$ with radius $r$ and centered at $\mathbb{X}$. Then the Hausdorff distance
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{dHcalTi}
d_H\big(\mathcal{T}_i\cap \mathbb{B}((0,0),\si),(K_0\times\R)\cap\mathbb{B}((0,0),\si)\big)\rightarrow0
\endaligned
\end{equation}
as $i\rightarrow\infty$. According to the mean convexity of $M_\ep(t)$,
$T_i(t)$ is mean convex in the weighted space
$$\mathcal{W}_{x_{\ep_i}}=(\R^n,g_{x_{\ep_i}})\triangleq\left(\R^n,e^{\f{\ep_i^8}{2(n-1)}|x+\ep_i^{-3}x_{\ep_i}|^2}\sum_{j=1}^ndx_j^2\right)$$
with $x=(x_1,\cdots,x_n)$.
Note that $\mathscr{B}_r$ is not a geodesic ball in $\mathcal{W}_{x_{\ep_i}}$, but the weighted metric $g_{x_{\ep_i}}$ converges to $\sum_{j=1}^ndx_j^2$ uniformly on any bounded set.
Let $F_{i,t}=\bigcup_{a\ge t}T_i(a)$ for $t\in[-\infty,\infty)$, and $Vol_{\ep_i}^k(K)$ be the $k$-dimensional Hausdorff measure of $K$ with the weighted metric $g_{x_{\ep_i}}$ for any bounded set $K\subset\R^n$. From the one-sided minimization property for $\mathcal{M}_\ep$, $\mathcal{T}_i$ also has the one-sided minimization property in the weighted space $\mathcal{W}_{x_{\ep_i}}$. It follows that
\begin{equation}\aligned
Vol_{\ep_i}^{n-1}(\p F_{i,t}\cap \mathscr{B}_r)\le Vol_{\ep_i}^{n-1}(\p F_{i,-\infty}\cap \mathscr{B}_r).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $i\rightarrow\infty$, from \eqref{dHcalTi} we have (see also the proof of Theorem 3.9 in \cite{W00})
\begin{equation}\aligned
\lim_{i\rightarrow\infty}\mathcal{H}^n(T_i(t)\cap \mathscr{B}_r)\le \omega_{n-1}r^n
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for $0<r<\si$, where $\omega_{n-1}$ is the volume of $(n-1)$-dimensional unit ball in $\R^{n-1}$.
Hence (0,0) is a regular point of $\mathcal{T}_i$ by Theorem 4.1 in \cite{W05}.
(From the proof of Theorem \ref{exThm}, $s$-mean curvature flow can also be approached by elliptic regularization. By the argument in section 7 of \cite{W05}, we deduce that $(0,0)$ is not the singularity of $\mathcal{T}_{i}$.) It contradicts the assumption.
Case 2: $0\in\p K_0$.
Up to a rotation, we can assume that $M_0(t)$ has support $\R^{n-2}\times[0,\infty)$ for any $t\in\R$. By the definition of $\mathcal{T}_i$, $\p T_i(t)\subset\ep_i^{-3}\p \mathscr{B}_1-\ep_i^{-3}x_{\ep_i}$ for any $t\in\R$. Then $\p T_i(t)\rightarrow\p K_0$ in the Hausdorff distance. By the discussion of Case 1, $T_i(t)\cap K\rightarrow K\cap\overline{K_0}$ with multiplicity 1 in the varifold sense for any compact closed set $K\subset\R^n$. By elliptic regularization and Theorem 5.2 in \cite{W05}, $(0,0)$ is a regular point of $\mathcal{T}_i$.
Hence we complete the proof of \eqref{cl1}.
\end{proof}
\begin{lemma}\label{Conv}
All the singularities of the flow $\mathcal{M}_{\ep}$ in Theorem \ref{exThm} have convex type.
\end{lemma}
\begin{proof}
Let $N_{\ep,\la}$ be the smooth graph in Lemma \ref{Neplaphi} with the graphic function $\phi_{\ep,\la}$, whose mean curvature $\widetilde{H}_{\la,\ep}$ satisfies \eqref{Hpla} with $s=\f1{2\ep^2}$.
We define
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{HlasXnuEn1nu}
H_{\la,\ep}\triangleq \widetilde{H}_{\la,\ep}-\f1{2\ep^2}\lan x,\nu\ran=-\la\lan E_{n+1},\nu\ran<0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Then $H_{\la,\ep}$ satisfies
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{HlasdivDphieplasxD}
H_{\la,\ep}=\mathrm{div}\left(\f{D\phi_{\ep,\la}}{\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}\right)+\f{x\cdot D\phi_{\ep,\la}}{2\ep^2\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}\qquad \mathrm{on}\ V_\ep.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
By the proof of Theorem \ref{exThm}, $\phi_{\ep,\la}$ converges as $\la\rightarrow\infty$ to a function $v_\ep$ smoothly on the regular part $V_\ep\setminus Q_\ep$, where $v_\ep$ satisfies \eqref{levelsvep},
and $v_\ep\ge0$ on $V_\ep$. Since $Q_\ep$ has Hausdorff dimension at most $(n-2)$, there are a small constant $0<\de_\ep<1$ depending on $\ep$, and a domain $K_\ep\ni0$ independent of $\la$ satisfying $\overline{Q_\ep}\subset K_\ep\subset\overline{K_\ep}\subset V_\ep$
such that
$$H_{\la,\ep}\le-\de_\ep\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \p K_{\ep}\ \ \mathrm{for\ every}\ \la>0.$$
By maximum principle for \eqref{DeHpNla} on $K_\ep$, we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{uplowerboundHlas}
H_{\la,\ep}\le-\de_\ep\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \overline{K_{\ep}}\ \ \mathrm{for\ every}\ \la>0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Let $\{e_i\}_{i=1}^n$ be an orthonormal basis of $M$ at the considered point, and $h_{ij}=\lan\overline{\na}_{e_i}e_j,\nu\ran$.
Combining \eqref{DehijNla} and \eqref{DeHpNla}, for $\g\ge0$ we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{DehijgNla}
\De \left(h_{ij}+\g H_{\la,\ep}\right)+&\left\lan \f1{2\ep^2} x-\la E_{n+1},\na \left(h_{ij}+\g H_{\la,\ep}\right)\right\ran\\
&+\left(|A_{\la,\ep}|^2+\f1{2\ep^2}\right)\left(h_{ij}+\g H_{\la,\ep}\right)+\f3{2\ep^2}|A_{\la,\ep}|\ge0
\endaligned
\end{equation}
on $K_\ep$, where $|A_{\la,\ep}|^2=\sum_{i,j}h_{ij}^2$ is the square norm of the second fundamental form of $N_{\ep,\la}$.
Let $\k_1\ge\k_2\ge\cdots\ge\k_n$ be the principle curvatures of $N_{\ep,\la}$. $\k_1$ is a continuous function on $N_{\ep,\la}$ by $\k_1=\sup_{|\xi|=1}A_\la(\xi,\xi)$.
It is not hard to show that $\sup_{\p K_\ep}\left(\k_1+\g H_{\la,\ep}\right)$ and $\sup_{K_\ep}\left(\k_1+\g H_{\la,\ep}\right)$ are both continuous functions on $N_{\ep,\la}$ (see also the proof of Lemma 3.1 in \cite{D1} for instance).
There is a constant $\g_0$ such that
$$\sup_{\p K_\ep}\left(\k_1+\g_0H_{\la,\ep}\right)=0.$$
If $\g_0<0$, we set $\g_0=0$.
Then we choose a constant $\g_1$ such that
$$\sup_{K_\ep}\left(\k_1+\g_1 H_{\la,\ep}\right)=-\f3{\ep}.$$
We claim
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{g1g0}
\g_1\le\g_0+\f3{\ep\de_\ep}.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
If not, from $H_{\la,\ep}\le-\de_\ep$ on $\overline{K_\ep}$, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned
\k_1+\g_1 H_{\la,\ep}=\k_1+\g_0H_{\la,\ep}+(\g_1-\g_0)H_{\la,\ep}
\le(\g_1-\g_0)H_{\la,\ep}\le-(\g_1-\g_0)\de_\ep<-\f3{\ep}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
on $\p K_\ep$. This means that $\k_1+\g_1 H_{\la,\ep}$ attains its maximum at some point $x_0$ in the interior of $K_\ep$.
Combining the proof of Lemma 3.1 in \cite{D1} and the strong maximum principle for \eqref{DehijgNla} at $x_0$, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Alaep2-Alaep}
\left(|A_{\la,\ep}|^2+\f1{2\ep^2}\right)\left(\k_1+\g H_{\la,\ep}\right)+\f3{2\ep^2}|A_{\la,\ep}|\ge0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
However, \eqref{Alaep2-Alaep} never holds by Cauchy inequality and $\k_1+\g H_{\la,\ep}=-\f3{\ep}$ at $x_0$. Therefore, \eqref{g1g0} holds,
and then there is a positive constant $\varsigma_\ep$ independent of $\la$, but maybe depending on $\ep$ such that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{BlasHlas}
-\f1{\varsigma_\ep}\le\f{|A_{\la,\ep}|}{H_{\la,\ep}}\le-\varsigma_\ep\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \ K_\ep
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any sufficiently large $\la>0$. Note that $\phi_{\ep,\la}$ converges to the smooth function $v_\ep$ smoothly on $K_\ep\setminus Q_\ep$.
Then on $K_\ep\setminus Q_\ep$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
&|A_{\la,\ep}|^2=\sum_{i,j,k,l}\left(\de_{ij}-\f{\p_i\phi_{\ep,\la}\p_j\phi_{\ep,\la}}{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}\right)
\f{\p_{jk}\phi_{\ep,\la}}{\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}\left(\de_{kl}-\f{\p_k\phi_{\ep,\la}\p_l\phi_{\ep,\la}}{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}\right)
\f{\p_{li}\phi_{\ep,\la}}{\sqrt{1+|D\phi_{\ep,\la}|^2}}\\
&\rightarrow|A_{\ep}|^2\triangleq\sum_{i,j,k,l}\left(\de_{ij}-\f{\p_iv_{\ep}\p_jv_{\ep}}{|Dv_{\ep}|^2}\right)
\f{\p_{jk}v_{\ep}}{|Dv_{\ep}|}\left(\de_{kl}-\f{\p_kv_{\ep}\p_lv_{\ep}}{|Dv_{\ep}|^2}\right)
\f{\p_{li}v_{\ep}}{|Dv_{\ep}|}\qquad \mathrm{as}\ \la\rightarrow\infty,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $|A_{\ep}|^2$ is the square norm of the second fundamental form for the level set of $v_\ep$ in $\R^n$. Combining \eqref{HlasdivDphieplasxD}, \eqref{BlasHlas} and the above convergence, we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{BepHsphiep}
-\f1{\varsigma_\ep}\le|A_{\ep}|\left(\mathrm{div}\left(\f{Dv_{\ep}}{|Dv_{\ep}|}\right)+\f{x\cdot Dv_{\ep}}{2\ep^2|Dv_{\ep}|}\right)^{-1}\le-\varsigma_\ep\qquad \mathrm{on}\ \ K_\ep\setminus Q_\ep.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
From the argument of appendix B in \cite{W13} and Theorem 4 in \cite{W03}, all the singularities of the flow $\mathcal{M}_{\ep}$ in Theorem \ref{exThm} have convex type. In other words, any tangent flow to $\mathcal{M}_{\ep}$ at any singularity is a shrinking sphere or cylinder.
\end{proof}
\subsection{A lower bound on the density for minimal but not area-minimizing hypercones}
\begin{theorem}\label{nminse}
Let $C$ be an embedded minimal but not area-minimizing cone with one non-contractible component of $\R^n\setminus C$ at least. Then the density of $C$ is greater than $\sqrt{2}$. More precisely,
$$\Th(C)\ge\la(\S^{n-2})=\left(\f {n-2}{2e}\right)^{\f {n-2}2}\f{2\sqrt{\pi}}{\G(\f{n-1}2)}>\sqrt{2}.$$
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Let
$$\mathcal{M}_\ep:\ t\in(-\infty,\infty)\mapsto M_\ep(t)$$
be the (weak) $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow ($\f1{2\ep^2}$-Brakke flow) in Theorem \ref{exThm}.
By White's regularity theory in \cite{W05}, $M_\ep(t)$ converges as $t\rightarrow\infty$ to a hypersurface $S\subset \mathscr{B}_1$ with boundary $\G_{\ep,\infty}$ and vanishing $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature, and with a singular set $Z$ of Hausdorff dimension at most $n-8$. The convergence is smooth away from $Z$. By Theorem \ref{UnSeboundary}, $S=\mathfrak{M}_{\ep,e^{-\ep^{-1}}}$ is a smooth hypersurface.
By the proof of Theorem in \cite{IW}, $\mathcal{M}_\ep$ must have a singularity at least if $\ep$ is sufficiently small. Let $X_i=(x_i,t_i)$ be a singularity of $\mathcal{M}_{\ep_i}$, where $t_i$ is the first time at which a singularity occurs. Let $\de$ be a fixed constant in $(0,\f12)$. We define a new flow $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}: t\in[1,\infty)\mapsto M'_{\ep_i}(t)$ by letting
$$M'_{\ep_i}(t)=\sqrt{t}\ep_i^{-1}M_{\ep_i}(\ep_i^2\log t+t_i+2\de\ep_i^2\log\ep_i).$$
From subsection 8.1, $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}$ is a (weak) mean curvature flow (Brakke flow).
The flow $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}$ must have a singularity at time $t=\ep_i^{-2\de}$ at least if $i$ is sufficiently large. From Lemma \ref{Conv}, all singularities of $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}$ are of convex type, namely, they are shrinking spheres or cylinders. By the argument of the proof of Theorem 1 in \cite{IW}, $\S^{n-1}$ can not be the singular model.
For $X=(x,t),X_0=(x_0,t_0)\in\R^n\times\R$ and $t_0>t$, let
$$\r_{_{X_0}}(X)=\r_{_{X_0}}(x,t)=\left(4\pi(t_0-t)\right)^{-\f n2}e^{-\f{|x-x_0|^2}{4(t_0-t)}}.$$
Then we define the \emph{Gaussian density ratio} on $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}$ at $X=(x,t)\in \mathscr{B}_1\times[1,\infty)$ with radius $r>0$ by
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Gaussdens9.26}
\Th(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X,r)=\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t-r^2)}\r_{_X}(y,t-r^2)dy=\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t-r^2)}\f1{(4\pi r^2)^{\f{n-1}2}}e^{-\f{|y-x|^2}{4r^2}}dy.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Denote $X'_i=(x_i',t_i')\triangleq\left(\ep_i^{-1-\de}x_i,\ep_i^{-2\de}\right)$.
Let $\bar{\e}$ be a smooth function on $\R^n$ such that $\bar{\e}\equiv1$ on $\mathscr{B}_{\f1{2\ep_i}}$, $|D\bar{\e}|\le \bar{c}\ep_i$ for some absolute constant $\bar{c}>0$, and $\bar{\e}\equiv0$ on $\R^n\setminus \mathscr{B}_{\f1{\ep_i}}$. Set $\e(\cdot,t)=\bar{\e}(t^{-\f12}\cdot)$.
By the proof of monotonicity formula of Brakke flow (see also Lemma 7 of \cite{Il2}), for $1\le t_1\le t_2<\ep_i^{-2\de}$
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{928Mepi}
\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t_2)}\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,t_2)\e^2(y,t_2)dy\le&\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t_1)}\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,t_1)\e^2(y,t_1)dy\\
&+\int_{t_1}^{t_2}\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t)}Q_\textbf{S}\left(\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,t)\e^2(y,t)\right)dydt,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\textbf{S}(x,t)=T_xM'_{\ep_i}(t)$ and
$$Q_\textbf{S}(\phi)=\f{(D\phi\cdot \textbf{S}^\bot)^2}{\phi}+\mathrm{div}_\textbf{S}(D\phi)+\f{\p\phi}{\p t},$$
for any $\phi\in C^2(\R^n\times[0,\infty))$. In particular, we let $\f{(D\phi\cdot \textbf{S}^\bot)^2}{\phi}=0$ at points with $\phi=0$. By a direct calculation,
$Q_\textbf{S}(\r_{_{X'_i}})=0$ and then
\begin{equation}\aligned
&Q_\textbf{S}\left(\r_{_{X'_i}}\e^2\right)=\r_{_{X'_i}}Q_\textbf{S}(\e^2)+2D\r_{_{X'_i}}\cdot D\e^2\\
\le& \bar{c}\left(\f1{t^{\f12}(\ep_i^{-2\de}-t)}+\f{\ep_i^2}t+\f1{t^{\f32}}\right)\r_{_{X'_i}}\cdot\chi_{_{\mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{\ep_i}}\setminus \mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{2\ep_i}}}}\le \bar{c}\left(\f{1}{\ep_i^{-2\de}-t}+2\right)\r_{_{X'_i}}\cdot\chi_{_{\mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{\ep_i}}\setminus \mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{2\ep_i}}}},
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\chi_E$ is a characteristic function on the set $E$. According to Lemma \ref{volsingxi}, $|x'_i|\rightarrow0$. Then we get
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\int_{t_1}^{t_2}\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t)}Q_\textbf{S}\left(\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,t)\e^2(y,t)\right)dydt\\
\le&\bar{c}\int_{t_1}^{t_2}\left(\f{1}{\ep_i^{-2\de}-t}+2\right)\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t)\cap\left(\mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{\ep_i}}\setminus \mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{2\ep_i}}\right)}\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,t)dydt\\
\le&\bar{c}(4\pi)^{-\f n2}\int_{t_1}^{t_2}(\ep_i^{-2\de}-t)^{-\f {n-1}2}\left(\f{1}{\ep_i^{-2\de}-t}+2\right)\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t)\cap\left(\mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{\ep_i}}\setminus \mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{2\ep_i}}\right)}e^{-\f{|y|^2}{5(\ep_i^{-2\de}-t)}}dydt\\
\le&\bar{c}(4\pi)^{-\f n2}\sup_{q\in\left((\ep_i^{-2\de}-1)^{-1},\infty\right)}\left(q^{\f{n-1}2}(q+2)e^{-\f{t_1}{20\ep_i^2}q}\right)\int_{t_1}^{t_2}\mathcal{H}^{n-1} \left(M'_{\ep_i}(t)\cap\left(\mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{\ep_i}}\setminus \mathscr{B}_{\f{\sqrt{t}}{2\ep_i}}\right)\right)dt\\
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any sufficiently small $\ep_i>0$. Combining \eqref{VolMept} and $\de\in(0,\f12)$, $t_2<\ep_i^{-2\de}$, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\int_{t_1}^{t_2}\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(t)}Q_\textbf{S}\left(\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,t)\e^2(y,t)\right)dydt
\le \bar{c}' e^{-\f{t_1}{40\ep_i^2}(\ep_i^{-2\de}-t_1)^{-1}}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for some constant $\bar{c}'$ depending only on $n,\de$.
Combining \eqref{928Mepi} and the above inequality, we conclude that
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Xir1r2}
&\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(\ep_i^{-2\de}-r_1^2)}\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,\ep_i^{-2\de}-r_1^2)\e^2(y,\ep_i^{-2\de}-r_1^2)dy\\
\le&\int_{y\in M'_{\ep_i}(\ep_i^{-2\de}-r_2^2)}\r_{_{X'_i}}(y,\ep_i^{-2\de}-r_2^2)dy+\bar{c}' e^{-\f{\ep_i^{-2\de}-r_2^2}{40\ep_i^2r_2^2}}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any $0<r_1<r_2<\sqrt{\ep_i^{-2\de}-1}$.
We define the \emph{Gaussian density} on $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}$ at $X=(x,t)$ by
\begin{equation}\aligned
\Th(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X)=\lim_{r\rightarrow0}\Th(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X,r).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Recall $|x_i'|=\ep_i^{-1-\de}|x_i|=O(\ep_i^{-\de}\log\f1{\ep_i})$ by Lemma \ref{volsingxi}, and $\e(y,\ep_i^{-2\de})=1$ for any $y\in \mathscr{B}_{\f12\ep_i^{-1-\de}}$.
Let $r_1\rightarrow0$ and $r_2\rightarrow\sqrt{\ep_i^{-2\de}-1}$ in \eqref{Xir1r2}, then combining \eqref{Gaussdens9.26} and \eqref{Xir1r2} we get
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Mi'Xi'r834}
\Th(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X'_i)\le\Th\left(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X'_i,\sqrt{\ep_i^{-2\de}-1}\right)+\bar{c}' e^{-\f1{40}\ep_i^{2\de-2}}
\endaligned
\end{equation}
for any sufficiently large $i>0$.
By the definition of $V_\ep$, it is clearly that for any $r>0$
$$\lim_{i\rightarrow\infty}d_H\left(\ep_i^{\de-1}V_{\ep_i}\cap \mathscr{B}_r,\ C\cap \mathscr{B}_r\right)=0.$$
For any $\bar{t}_i\in\R$, $\ep_i^{\de-1}M_{\ep_i}(\bar{t}_i)$ has the one-sided minimization property in the weighted space $\left(\R^n,e^{\f{|x|^2}{2(n-1)\ep_i^{2\de}}}\sum_{j=1}^ndx_j^2\right)$.
Therefore, $\ep_i^{\de-1}M_{\ep_i}(\bar{t}_i)\cap \mathscr{B}_r\rightharpoonup C\cap \mathscr{B}_r$ with multiplicity 1 in the current sense.
So from \eqref{Gaussdens9.26}, one has
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{Mi'Xi'r835}
&\limsup_{i\rightarrow\infty}\Th\left(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X'_i,\sqrt{\ep_i^{-2\de}-1}\right)\\
\le&\limsup_{i\rightarrow\infty}\int_{y\in\ep_i^{-1}M_{\ep_i}(t_i+2\de\ep_i^2\log\ep_i)}\f1{(4(\ep_i^{-2\de}-1))^{\f {n-1}2}}e^{-\f{|y-x'_i|^2}{4\pi(\ep_i^{-2\de}-1)}}dy\\
=&\limsup_{i\rightarrow\infty}\int_{z\in\ep_i^{\de-1}M_{\ep_i}(t_i+2\de\ep_i^2\log\ep_i)}\f{1}{\left(4\pi(1-\ep_i^{2\de})\right)^{\f{n-1}2}}
e^{-\f{1}{4(1-\ep_i^{2\de})}|z-\ep_i^\de x_i'|^2}dz\\
=&\int_{z\in C}\f1{(4\pi)^{\f{n-1}2}}e^{-\f14|z|^2}dz.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining \eqref{Mi'Xi'r834} and \eqref{Mi'Xi'r835}, we obtain
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{ThCMepi}
\limsup_{i\rightarrow\infty}\Th(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X'_i)\le&\int_{z\in C}\f1{(4\pi)^{\f{n-1}2}}e^{-\f14|z|^2}dz=\int_0^\infty\left(\int_{\p \mathscr{B}_s\cap C}\f1{(4\pi)^{\f{n-1}2}}e^{-\f{s^2}{4}}\right)ds\\
=&Vol(\p \mathscr{B}_1\cap C)\int_0^\infty\f1{(4\pi)^{\f{n-1}2}}e^{-\f{s^2}{4}}s^{n-2}ds\\
=&\f{Vol(\mathscr{B}_1\cap C)}{\omega_{n-1}}\int_{y\in\R^{n-1}}\f1{(4\pi)^{\f{n-1}2}}e^{-\f{|y|^2}{4}}dy\\
=&\f{Vol(\mathscr{B}_1\cap C)}{\omega_{n-1}}=\Th(C),
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where $\omega_{n-1}$ is the volume of $(n-1)$-dimensional unit ball in $\R^{n-1}$.
Since all the singularities of $\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i}$ are shrinking spheres or cylinders except $\S^{n-1}$. Hence for some $k\ge1$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned\label{MepiXi}
\Th(\mathcal{M}'_{\ep_i},X'_i)\ge\la(\S^k\times\R^{n-1-k})=\la(\S^{k})>\la(\S^{n-2}).
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Combining \eqref{ThCMepi} and \eqref{MepiXi}, it follows that $\Th(C)\ge\la(\S^{n-2})$.
In view of \eqref{92lak}, monotonicity of $d_k$, and Stirling's formula, we complete the proof.
\end{proof}
Now we remove the 'embedded' condition and answer the open question arisen by Ilmanen-White \cite{IW}.
\begin{theorem}
Let $C$ be a minimal but not area-minimizing cone with one non-contractible component of $\R^n\setminus C$ at least. Then the density of $C$ is greater than $\sqrt{2}$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
In view of Theorem \ref{nminse},
we only need to deal with that $\Si$ is an immersed hypersurface in $\S^{n-1}$, where $C=C\Si$. Then there is a point $x_0\in\S^{n-1}$ such that $T_{x_0}\Si$ is a hyperplane with multiplicity no less than 2. Let $(\cdots)^T$ and $(\cdots)^N$ be projections into the tangent bundle and the normal bundle of $C\Si\setminus\{0\}$, respectively. Since the mean curvature of $C\Si\setminus\{0\}$ vanishes, then for any constant $\be$ we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
-2e^{\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}\mathrm{div}\left(e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}\na\lan x-\be x_0,x_0\ran \right)=&\left\lan(x-\be x_0)^T,x_0\right\ran=\left\lan x-\be x_0,x_0^T\right\ran\\
=&\lan x-\be x_0,x_0\ran+\be\left|x_0^N\right|^2,
\endaligned
\end{equation}
where we have used $\lan x,x_0^N\ran=0$ as $C$ is a cone. Then for $\be>0$,
\begin{equation}\aligned
&\f{\p}{\p \be}\left(\int_{C\Si}e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}dx\right)=\f12\int_{C\Si}\lan x-\be x_0,x_0\ran e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}dx\\
=&-\int_{C\Si\setminus\{0\}}\mathrm{div}\left(e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}\na\lan x-\be x_0,x_0\ran \right)dx-\f{\be}2\int_{C\Si}\left|x_0^N\right|^2e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}dx\\
=&-\f{\be}2\int_{C\Si}|x_0^N|^2e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}dx\le0.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
Hence we have
\begin{equation}\aligned
(4\pi)^{-\f{n-1}2}\int_{C\Si}e^{-\f{|x|^2}{4}}dx\ge(4\pi)^{-\f{n-1}2}\int_{C\Si}e^{-\f{|x-\be x_0|^2}{4}}dx=\int_{C\Si}(4\pi t)^{-\f{n-1}2}e^{-\f{|y-x_0|^2}{4t}}dy
\endaligned
\end{equation}
with $t=\be^{-2}$ (see also Lemma 7.10 in \cite{CM2} as $C\Si\setminus\{0\}$ is a self-shrinker).
Therefore, from the multiplicity at $x_0$, one gets
\begin{equation}\aligned
\Th(C\Si,0)=(4\pi)^{-\f{n-1}2}\int_{C\Si}e^{-\f{|y|^2}{4}}dy\ge\lim_{t\rightarrow0}\int_{C\Si}(4\pi t)^{-\f{n-1}2}e^{-\f{|y-x_0|^2}{4t}}dy=2.
\endaligned
\end{equation}
We complete the proof.
\end{proof}
In \cite{IW}, Ilmanen-White has showed the sharp lower bound of density for area-minimizing cones. So together with these two parts, the density of any topologically nontrivial minimal hypercones must be greater than $\sqrt{2}$. The constant $\sqrt{2}$ is the sharp constant independent of dimension for minimal cones, because the density of Simons's cone $C(\S^k\times\S^k)$ converges to $\sqrt{2}$ as $k\rightarrow\infty$ (see also \cite{IW}).
In other words, if $\G$ is a minimal hypersurface in $\S^{n-1}$ with one non-contractible component of $\S^{n-1}\setminus\G$ at least, then the area of $\G$ is greater than $\sqrt{2}$ times the area of the totally geodesic $(n-2)$-sphere in $\S^{n-1}$.
With the topology of minimal hypersurfaces, we give the same estimate on a class of minimal cones compared with Theorem 2 in \cite{IW}.
\begin{theorem}
Let $C$ be a minimal but not area-minimizing hypercone in $\R^n$ with nontrivial $k^{th}$ homotopy group for one of the components of $\R^n\setminus C$. Then the density of $C$ satisfies
$$\Th(C)\ge d_k,$
where $d_k$ is the Gauss density of a shrinking $k$-sphere in $\R^{n+1}$.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Without loss of generality, we assume that $C\setminus\{0\}$ is embedded, or else $\Th(C)\ge2\ge d_k$.
By Lemma \ref{Conv}, all the sigularities of the $\f1{2\ep^2}$-mean curvature flow have convex type. Our proof follows from Theorem 2 in \cite{IW} and Theorem 5.3 in \cite{W13a}.
\end{proof}
{\bf Acknowledgement.}
The author would like to express his gratitude to Prof. Y. L. Xin for inspiring discussion and valuable advice, and to Prof. J. Jost for his constant encouragement and support.
\bibliographystyle{amsplain}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 9,168 |
Petra Hönig are the Real Estate Agents who helps you find the property that best suits your needs.
Here you can read news about our activity, the real estate market in Spain and the latest events on the Costa Blanca. Please take a look.
What property for sale in Ciudad Quesada is the most demanded by our clients? | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 1,147 |
Copyright © 1956, copyright renewed 1984 by Lone Ranger Television, Inc. All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Golden Books, an imprint of Random House Children's Books, a division of Random House, Inc., 1745 Broadway, New York, NY 10019.
Originally published in the United States by Simon and Schuster, Inc., in 1956. Golden Books,
A Golden Book, A Little Golden Book, the G colophon, and the distinctive gold spine are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc. A Little Golden Book Classic is a trademark of Random House, Inc.
randomhouse.com/kids
Educators and librarians, for a variety of teaching tools, visit us at RHTeachersLibrarians.com
Library of Congress Control Number: 2012945290
ISBN: 978-0-449-81793-3
eBook ISBN: 978-0-375-98157-9
v3.1
#
Title Page
Copyright
First Page
Young Tom Mason sat and hugged his knees. He was waiting for the stagecoach to thunder down the dusty road near his home. He wanted to wave to the stagecoach driver, Bill Mason. Bill was his big brother.
"And the best driver in all Texas!" Tom told himself proudly.
At last Tom heard the swift pounding of hooves. The stagecoach careened around the bend. Tom jumped to his feet, waving and smiling.
Then the smile on his face died.
"Bill!" he thought. "Where's Bill?"
The driver's seat was empty! The reins flapped loosely on the horses' backs. The horses were running away, their eyes wide with terror.
Without thinking, Tom raced into the road.
"Whoa! Whoa!" he shouted, and leaped for the lead horse's bit. With all his strength, he dragged at the horse's head.
The stagecoach slowed and stopped. Tom scrambled up to the driver's seat. A piece of bright material caught his eye—part of Bill's shirt!
"Something awful's happened!" he whispered.
He jumped off the coach and ran desperately toward his house.
"Pa! Pa!" he shouted. "Come quick!"
And then Tom remembered. His father had gone to town, and he was all alone.
He would have to find Bill by himself, and help him if he was in trouble.
Tom set off down the road at a steady lope.
Meanwhile, not far from Tom, the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding by. They heard Tom's frightened shouts.
"Listen, Tonto!" the Lone Ranger cried. "That youngster's in trouble!"
They spurred their horses and met Tom on the road. Tom's face brightened when he saw the masked man on the big silver horse.
"The Lone Ranger!" he breathed. "It sure is lucky you came!"
Tom quickly told the Lone Ranger and Tonto about the runaway stagecoach.
The Lone Ranger lifted Tom onto his horse, Silver.
"Let's take a look," he said. Followed by Tonto, they galloped off.
They had not ridden far before Tom gave a frightened gasp.
"Look! Look there!" he cried.
A figure lay sprawled facedown in the road.
Tom slid off Silver and ran to kneel beside the still figure.
"Bill!" he cried. "Bill, are you hurt bad?"
Bill groaned. Gently the Lone Ranger helped him turn over. He had a bruise on his forehead.
"Who did it?" asked the Lone Ranger.
"A gang," said Bill. "They got on as passengers."
"Why?"
"Gold. I was carrying gold to the Yucca City Bank," Bill answered.
Bill raised himself up. He pointed.
"They headed that way," he whispered. "Better get a posse."
The Lone Ranger frowned thoughtfully.
"No," he said. "There isn't time. Tonto, you and Tom take Bill into Yucca City. I'll go after the gang."
Tom jumped to his feet. "Oh, please!" he begged. "Let me go with you!"
For a long moment the Lone Ranger looked at Tom. Then he nodded. "Okay, pardner," he said. "Guess it's your fight as much as mine."
They helped Bill up onto Tonto's horse, and Tonto and Bill set off for Yucca City. Tom and the Lone Ranger, mounted on Silver, headed the other way.
The Lone Ranger and Tom soon found the trail of the holdup men.
"They're on foot!" the Lone Ranger said. "We'll catch up with them soon."
But suddenly he stopped. With a grunt of disgust, he pointed down. The ground was rough and trampled.
"Horses! They had horses waiting for them! Looks like we'll have some hard riding to do."
For many hours Tom and the Lone Ranger rode in pursuit. They clattered up rocky hillsides, where the sparks flew from under Silver's hoofs.
They splashed across a wide river, where the water ran fierce and swift around Silver's legs.
"We're in luck, Tom!" the Lone Ranger exclaimed. "The river's in flood, or those varmints might have ridden downstream and shaken us off their trail!"
The sun hung red on the horizon when the Lone Ranger drew rein. Up ahead, a thread of smoke rose into the evening air.
"That may not be their fire," the Lone Ranger said. "But if it is, those varmints are mighty sure of themselves. Let's check."
He and Tom left Silver. On hands and knees they crawled forward and peered through the bushes.
Around a campfire four men were sitting. Beside the men lay the stolen bags of gold!
"Listen, Boss," one of the men was complaining. "I don't like this. We should be making tracks."
"Take it easy, Shorty," said the big man called Boss. "That stage still isn't due in Yucca City. We'll be safe across the border before it's missed."
The Lone Ranger stepped forward.
"Afraid not, mister," he said. "Afraid you'll be in jail." The holdup men jumped to their feet.
"Reach!" the Lone Ranger commanded, and their hands went into the air.
"Okay, Tom," the Lone Ranger ordered. "Get their guns."
Tom collected the guns. Then he helped the Lone Ranger tie the men to their horses. The Lone Ranger and Tom led the holdup men to Yucca City and turned them over to the sheriff.
When the bandits were safe in jail, the Lone Ranger and Tom carried the bags of gold to the Yucca City Bank.
The bank manager clapped Tom on the back.
"Bill came in and told us about the holdup," he said. "The doc's patched him up fine, and he's as good as new."
"Then I guess our job is done," said the Lone Ranger with a smile. "I'll find Tonto and move along. Thanks for your help, pardner!" he told Tom.
And lifting his hand in farewell, the Lone Ranger leaped onto Silver and galloped away into the dusk.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaBook"
} | 3,288 |
Tátraszéplak (, ) üdülőtelepülés, Magastátra város része Szlovákiában, az Eperjesi kerület Poprádi járásában. Mintegy 300 lakosa van.
Fekvése
A Magas-Tátrában, Ótátrafüredtől 3 km-re délnyugatra, a Nagyszalóki-csúcs déli lejtőjén fekszik.
Története
Területén 1020 m magasságban a puhói kultúra népének erődfalakkal megerősített településének nyomaira bukkantak.
Az első vadászlakot 1884-ben Weszter Pál jómódú gazda építette itt, majd 1888-ban három turistaházat építettek mellé. Ekkor említik először "Széplak" néven; a szlovák Polianka kis erdei tisztást jelent. Híres szanatóriumát 1902-ben dr. Guhr Mihály alapította, melyben kezdetben a tüdőbajban szenvedő embereket gyógyított. 1920-ig Szepes vármegye Szepesszombati járásához tartozott.
1925-től az új épület megépítésével asztmás és Basedow-kóros betegeket is fogadott.
1947-ig Gerlachfalvához tartozott, akkor Ótátrafüredhez csatolták, 1999-óta pedig Magastátra város része. Lakossága főleg a tátrai idegenforgalomból él.
Nevezetességei
A ma Jiří Wolker nevét viselő szanatóriumában főleg légúti betegségeket kezelnek.
Tátrai-ház nevű panzióját 1912-ben építették.
Síugrósánca, szánkó és bobpályája is van.
Híres emberek
Itt élt és alkotott Boruth Andor (1873-1955) festőművész, kiváló portréfestő és tátrai tájfestő.
Itt kezelték Jiří Wolker (1900-1924) cseh költőt. A közeli parkban, a költő kedvelt pihenőhelyén 1949-ben helyezték el mellszobrát.
Külső hivatkozások
Tátraszéplak a Magas-Tátra turisztikai honlapján
Tátraszéplak a Tátrai Nemzeti Park honlapján
Tátraszéplak Szlovákia térképén
Lásd még
Magastátra
Alsótátrafüred
Felsőtátrafüred
Ótátrafüred
Tátraotthon
Újszéplak
Újtátrafüred
Magastátra
Szlovákia télisport-központjai | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 2,029 |
{"url":"https:\/\/www.hpmuseum.org\/forum\/thread-7130-post-63234.html","text":"HP71 prototype ROM (0AAAA) - some observations\n10-30-2016, 09:05 AM\nPost: #1\n J-F Garnier Senior Member Posts: 302 Joined: Dec 2013\nHP71 prototype ROM (0AAAA) - some observations\nAs reported recently, Matthias made his HP71 and HPIL prototype ROMs available at the Allschwil meeting 2016.\n\nGetting the ROM:\nIt was not possible to dump the ROM content through HPIL using a standard (production) HPIL module, as Matthias experimented and as Sylvain and I confirmed it at Allschwil. Most attempts to use the HPIL were producing various errors, not even related to the HPIL.\nI suspected that the production HPIL module was not compatible with this early HP71 ROM, due to the different HP71 internal function entry addresses (the HPIL ROM makes a lot of calls to the HP71 OS, using absolute addresses - the so-called supported entry points).\nFortunately, Matthias also owns a HPIL prototype, so we were able to try it and it worked !\nThe rest was easy.\n\nVersions and date:\nVER$returns TI%RM4-HP71:0AAAA HPIL:H4 TI%RM4 stands for Titan Release 4 The production HP71:1BBBB is TI%RM6 (see loader listing in the HP71 IDS - 71idsv3.pdf, p9) The HPIL:H4 version may be an indication of the HPIL Release 4. The production HPIL:1B is TI%HP7 (see loader listing in the HPIL IDS - 71ilids2.pdf, p8) and is using the file TI%R6S (Titan Release 6 Symbol file) There is no visible date in the HP71 ROM (contrary to production HP71), but the HPIL ROM provides us an indication, since CAT HPILROM gives: HPILROM LEX 16183 04\/27\/83 16:43 We can assume this release 4 was done on April 1983. Prototype special developement keywords: A quick scan of the ROM content shows that the HP71 prototype ROM holds an extra keyword (not found in production HP71): DEBUG (token #015C) The code of DEBUG is: 1A3B9 GOSUBVL #C0000 DEBUG just branches to #C0000. We can suppose that HP used a hard-configured debug ROM or debug tool at this address. The HPIL prototype ROM also holds a special keyword: RECONF (token #FF27), and the DEVID$ function is missing.\nRECONF was used to reconfigure the HPIL module at address F0000, whatever was its address set by the HP71 configuration code.\nNote that the source code listing in the HPIL IDS uses F0000 too, as the absolute address of the HPIL ROM.\nIt may have been used to make the debugging easier.\nHere is the code of the RECONF command:\nE6E06 GOSUB #E6E0A\nE6E0A C=RSTK\nE6E0C B=C A\nE6E0E P= 0\nE6E10 LC(5) #001D3\nE6E17 RSTK=C\nE6E19 P= 4\nE6E1B LCHEX #F\nE6E1E BCEX A\nE6E20 UNCNFG\n\nThe code after UNCNFG is irrevelant, because the HPIL ROM itself is unconfigured after this point.\nI let you find out where the code goes on (quite easy to figure out, actually).\n\nHPIL messages:\nSome HPIL error messages are slightly different, for instance\n255036 Frame Error (Message Error)\n\nThere are three HPIL messages that are not found in the production HPIL module:\n255021 Low Battery\n255027 End Of File\n255029 Medium Protect\n\nThe interesting point is that these three HPIL messages are mentionned in the latest edition of the HPIL manual (3rd edition, 1985), even if there are not present in the HPIL module version A or B. In the past, I thought it could be an indication of an hypothetic, never released version C, but it seems to be actually the opposite: these messages were in the pre-release versions and have been removed for production for some reason, and are still present (by mistake?) in the user documentation.\n\nNote: to display the error messages without a LEX with the MSG$function - that probably wouldn't work with the prototype ROM due to the entry point issue - you can use this trick, e.g. for message 255021: POKE \"2F7E4\",\"51FF\" @ ERRM$\n\nThanks again to Matthias for sharing these prototype ROMs with the community!\n\nJ-F\n \u00ab Next Oldest | Next Newest \u00bb\n\nUser(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)","date":"2019-05-22 07:26:23","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": true, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 0, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 0, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 0, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.1965787410736084, \"perplexity\": 9333.263260319332}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 20, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": true}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2019-22\/segments\/1558232256764.75\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20190522063112-20190522085112-00071.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
Tag: Environmental Sciences
Visiting astronomy professor to give three talks this week
Albion College's Prof. Nicolle Zellner, one of the American Astronomical Society's Shapley Lecturers, will give three astronomy and geology talks in Green Bay next week:
"50 Years Since Apollo: What We Learned About the Moon and Why We Should Go Back," Neville Public Museum Astronomical Society meeting, Wednesday, Mar. 6, 2019 at 6:30 p.m. in Room 122/123. Free and open to the public.
"Space Rocks: To the Moon – and Beyond!", UW-Green Bay Geology Club Meeting, Thursday, Mar. 7, 2019 at 6:30 p.m. in UW-Green Bay's Mary Ann Cofrin (MAC) Hall, Room 208. Free and open to the public.
Natural & Applied Sciences Seminar, "Impacts in the Earth-Moon System: What, When and Why Should We Care?", Friday, Mar. 8, 2019 at 3:10 p.m. in UW-Green Bay's Environmental Sciences (ES) building, Room 30. Free and open to the public.
Categories: Announcements Tags: CSET, Environmental Sciences, Geology, Mary Ann Cofrin Hall, Natural and Applied Sciences, Neville Public Museum Author: Editorial Student
Mark your calendar: New documentary, 'Searching for Sustainability' will be screened on campus
Watch this space for more, but hold the date: A fascinating documentary, Searching for Sustainability will be shown on campus, Feb. 13, 2018 at 6 p.m. in Phoenix Rooms B and C of the University Union. UW-Green Bay Professor Kevin Fermanich (NAS) and Associate Prof. Debra Pearson (Human Biology) were involved as experts in the film. Included that evening is a discussion panel featuring faculty and local experts. This event will be open to all faculty, staff, students and the general public and there is no charge for the screening. However, an Eventbrite page is being created to help determine an accurate seat count. Please register if you plan to attend.
Categories: News Tags: CSET, EMBI, Environmental Sciences, Environmental Sustainability, Human Biology, NAS Author: Sue Bodilly
Grad student Minani featured at internship 'Draft Day'
The first-ever "Internship Draft Day" in the Lambeau Field Atrium, co-sponsored by the NEW ERA regional education alliance (of which UWGB is a member) gave an opportunity for about 200 college students to explore their options. One was Marc Minani, the UW-Green Bay environmental sciences student from Rwanda, whose experience at the event was featured in a Green Bay Press-Gazette story.
Categories: Announcements Tags: Environmental Sciences, graduates, NEW ERA Author: Christopher Sampson
UW-Green Bay alumnus Diboll gets CBS Sunday Morning shout-out
Roving reporter Steve Hartman is famous in the industry for his human-interest feature stories for CBS News and the "Sunday Morning" show. This week, he stayed home, at his New York country property, to talk about his "addiction" to weeding. He blames (or credits) UWGB grad Neil Diboll '78, the founder of Prairie Nursery in central Wisconsin, who got him hooked on prairie gardens. Interviewed for the piece, Diboll offers some good quotes on the zen of prairie weeding. Here's a link to the CBS story.
Categories: News Tags: alumni, Environmental Sciences Author: Christopher Sampson
Student urges texts for 'Relay for Life'
UW-Green Bay student Lauren Ruben of the Environmental Sciences program is active with the Relay for Life fundraiser. She's urging fellow students (and others) to text 21212 #RelayForLife #UWGB now through May 3 to unlock a donation for the American Cancer Foundation. If they can get 10,000 students it will unlock a full $5,000 donation.
Categories: Announcements Tags: Environmental Sciences, fundraiser, Relay for Life, student Author: Christopher Sampson
UW-Shariff: Family follows scholarly advice
If teaching at the same institution for 44 years isn't enough to validate Prof. Ismail Shariff's commitment to a University of Wisconsin-Green Bay education, consider that he also convinced his son, brother-in-law, and four grandchildren to attend UWGB before retiring in 2011.
The economist who continues to advise the World Bank, travels nationally to present on economic issues, and spends a day a week at the emeriti office on campus, said he found an environment of respectful collegiality along with deep meaning in the interdisciplinary, problem-focused academic program during his more than four decades with UW-Green Bay.
"My major professor at UW-Madison asked whether I was interested in a university job and set up an appointment to see (founding Chancellor) Dr. Edward Weidner. Apart from other things, Weidner explained to me the interdisciplinary curriculum he planned on adapting. I didn't quite understand his philosophy, but he offered me the job and gave me seven days to reply. I came to benefit as a scholar and teacher, as did our students, from an interdisciplinary approach to problem solving."
Shariff set out on what became his personal mission: "to prepare and equip future generations of citizens to meet challenges in society and the workplace and in a global context."
"I believe these goals can be accomplished through a well-rounded educational career which provides breadth and depth of knowledge, insights, and understanding; along with the analytical skills and tools to deal with any exigencies one may encounter on the journey of life."
Shariff believes UWGB provides this kind of education and through the years became a believer in "Weidner's novel approach, since adopted by many other reputable institutions."
"I came to enjoy the significance of the interdisciplinary curriculum, and the breadth of problem solving that came about from working with economists, geographers, political scientists, geologists, sociologists, demographers, statisticians, psychologists and others."
He so fully appreciated the practical value of a UW-Green Bay education that he advised his children, grandchildren and brother-in-law that UW-Green Bay could provide an undergraduate experience "equal to Ivy League or any other bachelor program in the U.S."
His family trusts in his wisdom. His son Mazkoor '89 graduated with a degree in Business Administration. His brother-in-law Javeed graduated in '80 with a degree in Environmental Sciences. His granddaughter Julia will graduate in May of 2015 with a Human Biology degree and honors, and aspiration to attend medical school. Of his three grandsons, Alexander will graduate in May 2015 with a major in Graphic Arts; Zachary is a junior majoring in Political Science and Jacob will enter UWGB as a sophomore in fall of 2015.
Shariff has more than 80 published papers in professional journals in the United States, U.K. and Asia. He is the author of two books, International Trade – Theory and Policy; and Business Cycles in a Dynamic Recovery. In his works and presentation in Italy in 2002, the editor and founder of the Schumpeter Lectures Series, V. Orati, wrote about the "brilliant and fearless" contribution of Dr. Shariff to the discussion about globalization.
Among his proudest moments were the peer-nominated Founders Awards for Excellence in Scholarship in 2002 and Community Outreach in 1997. An occasional e-mail from former students, and thank-you cards from recipients of the Ismail Shariff Endowed Scholarship he established in 2009 are greatly appreciated, he says.
"Something that is more rewarding than any other benefits one can draw, is contributing to the future well-being of our citizens," he said. "I always hoped to keep their interest at heart."
Among the honors for Shariff over the years:
• 1997 University Award for Excellence in Community Outreach. Notable were a weekly column in the Green Bay Press-Gazette, and involvement in the Chamber of Commerce, Junior Achievement and SIFE.
• Carrying the ceremonial University Mace at commencement and other academic occasions, an honor accorded the senior-most faculty member. Shariff carried it from 2005 to 2012.
• On March 24, 1994 his name was entered in the Congressional Record from the floor of the U.S. Congress in recognition of his extensive research on the relevance of American Aid to Developing Countries.
• In 1999, he was awarded a prestigious named professorship at UW-Green Bay and bestowed the title Philip J. and Elizabeth Hendrickson Professor for Business.
• In 1991, he was selected to represent the U.S. Department of Agriculture at the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trades (GATT) meetings in Tokyo.
• In 1979, he was voted one of the "enterprising people" in Economic Education by the Wisconsin State Council on Economic Education.
• From 1975-77 he was a United Nations economic adviser to the government of Nigeria.
Photo caption:
From left: grandsons Zachary and Alexander, Ismail Shariff, grandson Jacob, granddaughter Julia and son Mazkor. Missing from the UWGB/Shariff family — brother-in-law Hajee Masood Javeed
Categories: Leading & Learning Tags: alumni, Business Administration, Economics, Environmental Sciences, faculty, Human Biology, interdisciplinary, international business, mace-bearer Author: Christopher Sampson
Biology 101: Generous educators help next generation
"My family and I deeply appreciate your kindness. It means so much to me that you believe in, and encourage, the studies of UW-Green Bay students like me."
Early this year, Linda Vang, a senior Biology major, got the chance to meet the couple whose generosity made possible her UW-Green Bay scholarship.
The young woman from Green Bay had written a thank-you note but it wasn't until she attended a donor-recipient reception with them that she discovered much in common with Mike and Gloria Morgan. They believe in education as a life-changing opportunity. They regard UW-Green Bay as a special place. They share a passion for the study of environmental sciences.
Vang also learned that Mike Morgan, professor emeritus of Natural and Applied Sciences, has reason to be especially proud of her chosen program, Biology. He helped create the major when the University was new (1968), taught thousands of students in 37 years, and wrote the book on the emerging field of environmental studies. (In 1973, Morgan, Joseph Moran and James Wiersma co-wrote An Introduction to Environmental Sciences, one of the first comprehensive and widely used textbooks on the topic.)
Mike, who retired about a decade ago, says the decision to stay involved and take the additional step of establishing a scholarship fund seemed like a natural. Gloria, who founded and taught a preschool program for 24 years, felt the same way.
"We know how challenging it has become over the years for students to afford college," Mike says. "With my history with the University, knowing students and alumni, and our shared history in education, we decided to make a gift."
The Morgan/Macaluso Family Endowed Scholarship in Natural Sciences is named for the couple's parents. Gloria notes her father, George, had to leave school early to support his family but remained an active adult learner throughout his 95 years. The scholarship gives preference to upper-level students with proven field experience in botany, ecology or field biology.
Vang says she plans to pursue graduate studies in entomology with the aim of contributing to better insight into plant-insect interactions and improved conservation management.
A version of this article was published previously in the 2013 Annual Report of the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay Foundation Inc.
Categories: Giving Back Tags: Biology, donors, emeritus, Environmental Sciences, Natural and Applied Sciences, scholarship Author: Christopher Sampson
Another environmental award for alumna Vicky Harris
Vicky Harris, recent recipient of the Earth Caretaker Award at this year's EMBI conference at UW-Green Bay, has just won another award: the 2012 Jack R. Vallentyne Award for "important and sustained efforts to inform and educate the public and policymakers on Great Lakes issues." She receives the award this week at the 55th Annual Conference on Great Lakes Research, May 13-17, in Cornwall, Ontario. Harris holds bachelor's, 1974 and master's 1998, degrees in environmental sciences from UW-Green Bay. The longtime water quality and habitat restoration specialist with the UW Sea Grant Institute on the UW-Green Bay campus has dedicated her life to clean water. We haven't yet seen a news release from IAGLR, but we found more on the award.
Categories: News Tags: alumni, alumni earth caretaker award, Environmental Sciences, UW Sea Grant Author: Christopher Sampson
Early UW-Green Bay grad writes book on cougars' return to Midwest
John W. Laundré, a 1971 grad of UW-Green Bay's Environmental Sciences program, is the author of a new book to be released May 23 by the University of Wisconsin Press. Phantoms of the Prairie: The Return of Cougars to the Midwest documents how the native cats are making a return to the plains regions. Their comeback, heralded by wildlife enthusiasts, has brought concern and questions, as well. Laundré has studied cougars for more than twenty years in both the United States and Mexico. As vice president of the Cougar Rewilding Foundation, he advocates the return of cougars to their former territorial range. He is currently an adjunct professor of biology at the State University of New York at Oswego. For more on the book.
Categories: News Tags: alumni, book, Environmental Sciences Author: Christopher Sampson
Alumni rising: Katers named 'most distinguished'
At the University of Wisconsin-Green Bay, Associate Professor John Katers is recognized as an authority on recycling, waste management, renewable energy and more. He's also known as a personable and engaging teacher, challenging students to get past pre-conceived biases with regards to business and resources. Continue reading "Alumni rising: Katers named 'most distinguished'" →
Categories: Alumni Rising Tags: achievements, community, EMBI, Environmental Sciences, faculty, Founders Awards, Natural and Applied Sciences, sustainability Author: Sue Bodilly | {
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II. třída okresu Hodonín (okresní přebor II. třídy) tvoří s ostatními skupinami II. třídy osmou nejvyšší fotbalovou soutěž v České republice. Hraje se každý rok od léta do jara se zimní přestávkou. Na konci ročníku nejlepší dva týmy postupují do I. B třídy Jihomoravského kraje (do skupiny C) a dva nejhorší týmy sestoupí do III. třídy okresu Hodonín.
Vítězové
Poznámky:
1983/84: O titul okresního přeborníka se utkali vítězové obou skupin OP – mužstvo TJ Jiskra Kyjov "B" zvítězilo v obou zápasech nad TJ Statek Veselí nad Moravou (doma 2:0, venku 2:1).
Odkazy
Reference
Literatura
Týdeník Gól 31/1993 (05.08.1993), strany 16–17
Externí odkazy
Okresní přebor Hodonínska 2021/22, is.fotbal.cz
Archiv soutěží Hodonínského OFS (od 2004/05 včetně), vysledky.com
Archiv soutěží Hodonínského OFS (2014/15), nv.fotbal.cz
Archiv soutěží Hodonínského OFS (od 2015/16 včetně), souteze.fotbal.cz
Fotbalový magazín hodonínského okresu, hodoninsky-fotbal.cz
Hodonín
Sportovní soutěže v Jihomoravském kraji
Fotbal v okrese Hodonín | {
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Jan 6th Committee Will Request Fox News Host Sean Hannity's 'Cooperation'
[COMMENTARY] Restore Justice to America: What January 6 Sentencing Reveals About U.S. Democracy
In a brand new scoop on Tuesday, Axios is reporting that the House Select Committee investigating the January 6th insurrection at the Capitol intends to ask Fox News host Sean Hannity to cooperate with them by voluntarily appearing for questioning.
The Committee had previously released texts Hannity and other Fox News hosts had sent to then-White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows during the siege on the Capitol during their televised vote regarding Contempt of Congress charges against Meadows, who had been cooperating with the panel but suddenly withdrew after sharing thousands of pages of documents that showed specific plans to overturn the 2020 Presidential election.
LAS VEGAS, NV – SEPTEMBER 20: Fox News Channel and radio talk show host Sean Hannity (L) interviews U.S. President Donald Trump before a campaign rally at the Las Vegas Convention Center on September 20, 2018 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)
A longtime personal friend and ally of Trump's, Hannity has criticized the attack on the Capitol and the Select Committee, but never Trump himself. It's uncertain as to why Hannity and the other Fox News hosts named by the Committee–Laura Ingraham and Brian Kilmeade–texted Meadows instead of directly calling Trump himself, but the Committee shared what Hannity sent to Meadows. "A phone call from Hannity to Trump carried more sway than a conversation between the president and many members of his own Cabinet," according to Axios.
Scoop: The Jan. 6 select committee is preparing to ask Fox News Channel host Sean Hannity for his voluntary cooperation with its investigation of the assault on the U.S. Capitol. https://t.co/3CCCsPxMNE
— Jonathan Swan (@jonathanvswan) January 4, 2022
"Can he [Trump] make a statement?" Hannity said in the texts, made public in mid-December. "Ask people to leave the Capitol."
On January 6, Hannity was on the air defending the mob: "This is something that has been building and building for a long period of time" https://t.co/1mcg8EKOha https://t.co/QeKVJQkySk
— Media Matters (@mmfa) January 4, 2022
Tim Mulvey, a spokesperson for the January 6th committee, declined to comment when Axios asked about the pending Hannity request. Hannity's lawyer, Jay Sekulow, told Axios, "If true, any such request would raise serious constitutional issues including First Amendment concerns regarding freedom of the press."
Here's Why Albuquerque New Mexico's New Welcome Sign Says Donald Trump's Checks Unwelcome
The Select Committee should skip right over formal requests and go straight to the subpoena phase for Sean Hannity.
Welcome to the find out portion of fucking around, Sean.
— 𝐁𝐞𝐤𝐬 (@antifaoperative) January 4, 2022
Read the full report at Axios.
Brian Kilmeade Donald Trump Fox News January 6th House Select Committee January 6th insurrection Laura Ingraham Mark Meadows Sean Hannity
Tara Dublin January 4, 2022 | {
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You are at:Home»Afghanistan»'Sons of Anarchy' actor proposes new Marine sniper logo
'Sons of Anarchy' actor proposes new Marine sniper logo
By Dan Lamothe on March 23, 2012 Afghanistan, Pop culture
Michael Ornstein plays Chuck Marstein on the show "Sons of Anarchy." (Photo courtesy Michael Ornstein)
Last month, a national controversy erupted after images of Marine scout snipers posing with an "SS" flag in Afghanistan went viral online.
The flag showed the notorious Nazi SS organization's logo, something that had been used quietly in the scout sniper community for years. The "lightening bolt" SS logo was a nod toward the scout sniper title, with the bolts also depicting the swift way the Marines strike at distance. Its use deeply troubled some people, however, considering the darker World War II-era things it represented.
Actor Michael Ornstein was one of those struck by the story. A cast member on the hit show "Sons of Anarchy," he said he has a deep appreciation for the U.S. military, and was troubled that judgment was passed on the Marines so quickly. He believes the use of the logo came from a "complicated perspective," without a full understanding for what it represented, he said in a phone interview.
"It's pretty difficult out there for these guys and women, and I think people should remember that and stay very positive and supportive," he said of those in the military.
Ornstein is also known for his artwork, some of which can be seen here. He reached out to me and said he'd like to assist the scout sniper community in coming up with a new logo if they're interested. He proposed this as a start:
In a follow-up email, he added the following:
"Images are a very potent tool and have been used since the first spark of the human timeline. Images transcend language and cut to the core of our communication. As an artist, I understand the power of images and symbols. When I first saw the story of the Scout Sniper unit using the "SS" symbol on their flag, frankly, I was concerned that WWII Veterans would see this flag and be negatively affected by seeing it, harkening back to what they fought against during WWII.
Through communicating online on this matter with civilians and Active Duty and Veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, I was educated that the "SS" lightning bolts on their flag symbolized "Scout Snipers." This made me think about where else I've seen that symbol and I remembered seeing the band Kiss play live when I was a kid and how they also used two lightning bolts to represent the double S's in their logo, blasting out towards the audience in bright lights and smoke. I know that perspective is a tricky thing and something used in Rock and Roll vs. something used in the military carries different meanings. That said, not knowing the actual intent of the men in the unit for using the SS insignia, I'm giving the benefit of doubt that it wasn't an actual Nazi intent.
All I knew for sure was that these men were Marines and that maybe they could use a new flag. So, I took up the initiative to work up my own design for a flag that I hoped might be agreeable to the men of this unit. The first thing I did was to talk to a real good friend of mine who happens to be a sniper and he told me what him and his friends think about in the field is "knowing that G-d is watching over them." So, I worked from that concept and came up with an eye that would symbolize "The Eye of G-d" protectively watching over the men of the unit, staring directly into the face of the enemy. I kept the lighting bolts to symbolize "Scout Snipers", but I altered them a bit. I'm offering this image as an American artist, hoping it's honorable and badass enough to be acceptable to the men of this unit. I'm offering it out of deep respect and as a gesture of Thanks for what the men in this Scout Sniper unit and what the Military Community at large, along with their families at home, are tasked with bravely accomplishing each and every day."
How about it, Marines?
The Rock visits Pendleton
Trevor on March 23, 2012 9:34 am
Why is the "o" in God left out? Like this: G-d
Dan Lamothe on March 23, 2012 9:36 am
That's how he wrote it, Trevor. I didn't want to alter his writing.
angie on March 23, 2012 10:05 am
Because the world is so damn sensitive these days the word GOD is seen as offinsive to some. So they lighten it up as they would a curse word.
Becky on March 23, 2012 10:30 am
No, it's the opposite. In some traditions (and in a close read of the Old Testament) the word for God is sacred and it's blasphemous to be spoken aloud outside a place of worship. People commonly write G-d as the written equivalent of not saying the Holy Name in a non-sacred place. That's not a mainline Christian view, but it's fairly common in many religious communities.
Michael Ornstein on March 23, 2012 10:32 am
In my tradition, it's not appropriate to write the name or word straight out, out of respect and reverence. So, that's how we write it. – m
Lt PT on March 23, 2012 11:30 am
Looks like a great start, and love the lightning bolts, but I'm concerned it isn't "simple" enough. When I think of popular logos like Nike, Target, Apple, McD's, the basic image is a very recognizable, clean image. Just like the original SS. Maybe this is too much.
I hear you, thanks for the input. Gonna think about simplifying it.
SNAKESRULE on March 23, 2012 11:54 am
The logo looks decent but, the traditional method of applying the logo is via branding…this is too complex for that…a tatt would work but the Marine Corps is not known for changing tradition…
SNAKESRULE on March 23, 2012 12:02 pm
Mike, Our STA guys also wore a 7.62 projectile (extracted from a round) on a piece of 550 around their neck…the "tooth" as in "brotherhood of the tooth"…not sure of it's currency, this was in the late 80s and early 90s in 7th Marines.
Jay on March 23, 2012 1:11 pm
This is horrible. How do you go from a simple SS logo to this complicated mess? The snipers didn't want a complicated military emblem with 14 different embedded symbols. The snipers could use this "artwork" for target practice though.
momof2marines on March 23, 2012 2:59 pm
Classy, Jay. Somebody who supports the military tries to help in a way he knows how and you pee in his Cheerios. Looks to me like you've got something there, Michael. Hopefully, you 'll get some more 'constructive' comments and you can zero in on something the Scout Snipers could and would use.
Debbie on March 23, 2012 3:23 pm
I think this is a perfect symbol for the Scout Snipers – the cross hairs in the center surrounded by the S's. Very nice, and quite simple. Bravo, Michael.
GodoftheUSAhellsangels on March 23, 2012 3:30 pm
You out siders don't tell Marines how to be Marines.
Keep up the great work Marines.
fuck these scumbags that are more worried about lighting bolts then your life .
Mike Yevtuck Vs Cunt zito because Kurt Sutter don't just roll over and give away part to any freak that wants to sue him
LOL I mean Chuck Zito . fists and feet elbows knees
only no lawyers allowed.
Brian on March 23, 2012 4:07 pm
The logo SS is just fine as it is. But now all these politicians and new generation got butthurt so they have to change it to satisfy them! What a joke! I feel sorry for the Marine Corps and what they are becoming. General Amos doesn't have a set of balls to stand up to these losers on capital hill is the bottom line. I wish another Al Gray or Carl Mundy was running the show, this wouldn't even be an issue.
This sorry excuse for a logo looks like a (TOTAL ABORTION)!!!! Good thing Carlos Hathcock isn't alive to see this crap!!!!
S on March 23, 2012 4:17 pm
I think its great to see people like Michael supporting our troops. I'm an instructor at sniper school and have operated as one for 4 deployments and I hate that our own leadership doesn't have the balls to stand up for their own but its great to see this actor trying to help our community out. The SS means a lot to us and he's taking that into consideration with his design by the looks of it.
Sam L on March 23, 2012 4:49 pm
SS = hellyeah, fricken badass man. Almost as badass as this mustashe. Like a mustashe with titties. Lol.
Logo is a bit busy but I like the bolts in them.
-sam
Kug on March 23, 2012 4:59 pm
No disrespect but I'm a Nam era Marine Scout Sniper and this isnt close. Doesn't connect with the real world. Too slick and complicated. And PC which is not the sniper community.
Face on March 23, 2012 5:05 pm
On Dec 21, 2012 "The White Feather" is going to return from Valhalla to take vengance on hippie douche bags. I guarantee we will continue to rock the SS. I Know my hogs skull tat with SS in the eyes isnt going anywhere. Cool this guy supports the troops though, much respect for giving a fuck.
B on March 23, 2012 5:32 pm
As a Marine Scout Sniper, I don't like it. I like the old one. And still the current one if you ask me and my Brothers.
Thanks for caring, Mike, but we like the one we have. I am not going to help you with your lines, don't help me with mine.
Justin on March 23, 2012 6:27 pm
I think it looks pretty kickass, and can certainly appreciate a supportive and patriotic American's desire to help, but I personally am opposed to changing the current symbol at all just on general principles. Since when did the Marine Corps become a bunch of PC sheep who pussyfoot around out of their way to avoid hurting somebody's feelings? Marines have always been much more crass than that, and that is what is expected, at least in my opinion. This is the Marine Corps, not the Chair Force. Since when have Marines EVER given a flying fuck what other people think about them?
Muldunes on March 23, 2012 6:33 pm
This insignia is a bit esoteric with the all seeing eye. I think the fleur di lis (for scouting) is a cool concept, but is a bit overused and misunderstood due to the multiple meanings of the symbol. I think most connect it to royalty. Scout snipers are looking for something that specifically represents the factual history of our trade (I am one BTW). Most unit produced symbols contain cliche skulls, reticules, ect. There are some awesome designs out there (shadow-man for example) but the simpler the better. Thanks for the input though Mike.
http://www.change.org/
Maybe the Hollywood guys Mr. Orsteind and Mr Kurt Sutter can start a petition with all their money and fans this could work. I am Totally invisable to the public just like you guys so if I start this for you it won't go anywhere.
I support and respect our armed forces and if Kurt starts this I will ask everyone I see to sign it for you guys.
Fight on Marines
Rooster on March 23, 2012 8:15 pm
Well said Justin, I like it and like that he looked in to the meaning of SS in the Sniper. But I still wont give up my SS
Michael Ornstein on March 23, 2012 8:53 pm
Well, I'd rather take criticism from Marines than from some guy who runs an art gallery, that's for damn sure.
Right on and with respect, Michael
Looks like some (Goth Tribal Bullshit) General Amos needs to grow some balls and stand up to these idiot politicians and liberals and put them in there place!!!!!
Come on Hollywood get a petition together using your fans to help these Marines .
Come on Michael Ornstein you wanted to help this is your chance to help them.if no one helps today tommarow everyone will forget
if the math gets any tougher I won't be able to comment again. Good luck guys I told you I am invisable Michael Ornstein can even read my words .
505 on March 23, 2012 11:32 pm
Michael, thank you for not bashing the military. As of late, we've been getting too much bad press- much of it not deserved.
Gentlemen, unfortunately the Third Reich f@*#%d up a few symbols for all of history (i.e. Swastika, an ancient tribal symbol). While PC is a load of tree-hugger crap, bear in mind the gravity of the "SS" icon. It killed an entire generation of people- including our grandfathers, women and children. We're better as professionals than those (literal) baby killers. While change blows, why not create a new symbol of the tradecraft, one that doesn't force people that lived and saw death at the hands of the Nazi regime? I know my comments will be highly unpopular- but think if your family was decimated by the "SS". The true Scout Sniper has the ability to take the life of one while saving others – unlike the douchebags of Nazi Germany.
Sam P on March 24, 2012 12:14 am
Here we go again…..people not knowing what the symbols actually mean. ( I am sure my Norse brethren will have more to add than what I will)
From the website: http://www.vikingrune.com/2009/07/norse-runic-third-reich-symbols/
Some of the symbols treated in this article may be interpreted as pointing to Nazi ideology in certain contexts. Their use in the present article has nothing to do with it. Any such connotations are a recent development as compared to the long history of the most of these signs. Below both their original meaning in the Norse Vikingculture and their use in Nazi Germany is treated, in order to demonstrate that the earlier, original tradition is much older.
It should be observed that the interest towards runology so characteristic for early 20th century German Nazi circles was heated by the works of Guido von List, occult runic revivalist. Von List created his own version of the Futhark known as Armanen runes, allegedly revealed to his "inner eye". Later Karl Maria Willigut was responsible for their use during the Third Reich. Armanen Futhark derives from historic runes but does not belong to the Norse runelore. Note that a few of these symbols are included into thelist of symbols forbidden in Germany. However, Norse symbols are not hate symbols.
Sig Rune
Sig is the Armanen name of that rune. In the ancient Norse and Germanic runelore that rune always designated sun: its Elder Futhark reconstructed name is *sowilo, 'sun', Younger Futhark name is sól, 'sun', Anglo-Saxon Futhorc name is sigel, 'sun'. Guido von List changed the name to mean 'victory' (Sieg in German). The sequence of runes Sig and Tyr in his version of the Futhark together constitute Sigtýr, one of Odin's names. In Nazi Germany Sig or Siegesrune (Rune of victory) was the most recognizable and popular symbol after Hakenkreuz (swastika). SS-runes insignia with two oblique Sig runes were created in 1933 by graphic designer Walter Heck. He got 2.50 Reichsmarks for the rights to this design. Nazi Siegesrune actually has nothing to do with the ancient sun symbolism of the *sowilo rune, the earliest Σ-forms of which substantially differ from later versions.
I cannot stand IGNORANT people making decisions that will seriously affect one's life or career, without first researching and getting all the facts. I know, I know, the media always puts out ALL OF THE FACTS, right? If we lived off this premise, the toten-rune or the totes-rune (depending on which dialect you prefer) is a HATE symbol. You will see it is strangely familiar to the "peace sign". That is not by coincidence, it was done on purpose (see: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/435/what-is-the-origin-of-the-peace-symbol or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peace_sign#The_peace_symbol) You will also notice that many of the old runes look familiar to military symbology, again, not by coincidence. Many of the symbols used in Nazi Germany by the National Socialist Party were symbols that have been in existence and used by other civilizations for thousands of years before Hitler and his henchmen ever came about.
I don't see or hear anyone complaining that the symbol of the US became an eagle, after originally being the turkey, as a problem. The NSP used that symbol too! But they adopted that from the Roman Empire. The swastika was originally used as a symbol of peace and the sun by about a dozen different civilizations throughout history. But I digress off topic.
"SS" became known in the marine sniper community during the Vietnam War. There are books written about and I will not write an epic on it. Bottom line, it's not racially motivated. The runes should stay. Is anyone giving a shit about the "bloods" or "crips" or any other gang in the military? I have been stationed at bases, where part of the in-brief are lengthy descriptions and warnings about how rampant they are on base. Go after them, not snipers. I don't have the statistical data but i am sure snipers count for about 80% of all kills made in the past decade. The are a force multiplier, though they remain the black sheep and outcasts of the armed forces.
As for the new symbol Mr. Ornstein, speaking on behalf of the Marine Scout Sniper community and as a sniper myself, I applaud your effort. I will say thank you, but no thank you. I know symbology well and do not agree with the all seeing eye. Your use of symbols within your offering (whether on purpose or not) is very esoteric and therefore, unappreciated. Snipers are traditional and superstitious people. We live on the premise "If you are not paranoid, you are not prepared." We are meticulous and highly discriminative in our acts. We need to be, for our survival (and our brother's survival) is on the line. We prefer the continual use of thousand year old runes.
Again, thank you for your interest in our community.
Lowecat on March 24, 2012 1:08 am
First, kudos to my friend Michael for havin' the guts to see a problem and offer a solution. The concept shows a lot of thought and effort. Maybe a little tweakin' might be needed here and there, but it's a start!
Those of you who don't like it, why not try drawin' up somethin' of your own and see how hard/easy it is.
Additionally, Mr. Ornstein isn't rammin' this down the Marines' throat, he is offerin' it out of respect. Somethin' some folks in their comments seem to have forgotten existed.
Frankly, I never thought about the double lightnin' symbol used by this sniper unit as anything but what it was, their name. Just as the lightnin' bolts used in the KISS logo was often criticised as harkenin' back to the Nazi's (and considerin' that founder Gene Simmons is Jewish, I always laughed at that one!). It was what it was at the time, part of the overall.
There's such a thing as bein' cognizant of what happened before, and bein' respectful. There's too much bowin' down to the PC altar as it is. Frankly, I feel that the unit has the right to use whatever logo they wish.
By the same token, I will support Mr. Ornstein's right and ability to offer a solution to a problem, instead of sittin' around and pitchin' a bitch about it. It goes to show that those who can, do. Those who can't, critic those who put their necks out.
BattlingBastardsofBataan on March 24, 2012 9:26 am
OK – I respect the shit out of you Michael for trying your hand at giving the SS a new look logo. If this Country hadn't turned into a bunch of politically correct, everything offends me, ACLU in your face bunch of namby-pambies, then this wouldn't have even been an issue. It's great to see civilians such as Michael take an active interest in trying to help out. Kudos to you also for looking into some of the history of the SS to understand the meaning and the brotherhood of SS. As for all of the people leaving negative comments about it – does it make you feel tough by typing something?? It's ridiculous. Michael did this of his own accord and did better than any of your suggestions – wait, you didn't have any did you???? Good job Michael and I hope that more of the active SS picks up on your ideas giving you input – I hope they keep the original SS bolts tho – tradition is key for us in the military!
Jay on March 24, 2012 9:49 am
@momof2marines
Yeah, I pissed in his Cheerios because he put forth a ridiculous design. He is either trolling the military community for fun or he is out of his mind. Have you gone and looked at his "art"? I'm guessing it is the second option.
I actually can appreciate him being proactive (if he is being serious about this) but let the snipers work this out. They don't want his help.
Michael Ornstein on March 24, 2012 9:57 am
Check it out, http://michaelornstein.com/revised
The bullet is not exactly true to form and the bolts are still my own, but it's simplified and stands clear for "one shot, one kill."
If not for a flag, it might work for a patch, as a token of thanks, from me, which is all I wanted to say in the first place.
– Michael
GodoftheUSAhellsangels on March 24, 2012 10:17 am
IF you freaks think the only thing that separates USA Marine Snipers from Nazi Germany are the SS ligthing bolts. Fuck you .
1#Did you ever think it could also be used as a reminder that with Great men like our USA marine snipers Horrible things of the past will never take place again
#2 Did you ever think our USA Marines are telling the eneny they will show no Mercy.
#3 did you ever think what ever it means to them is not our fucking business.
#4 do you rich law changers want to trade places with our Marine snipers?
Jay on March 24, 2012 10:18 am
@Michael Ornstein
Much better. Now we can let the snipers work this out.
good idea / signing off – Michael
Why give suggestions to change when These real men know what they want . I think the best thing we can do for them is gather names and show our support for our troops.
I support USA troops
Its a shame no Sons of Anarchy supporters that read this story want to show support by helping these proud Marines keep and make their own traditions..
SS" icon. It killed no one . Read a fucking histroy book .
it was the Nazi Germans that did the killing.
The Nazi Germans liked lighting bolts Big freaking deal
The Nazi Germans liked sex, ice cream ,etc also ,do you want the Marines to give that up also ?
The USA hells angels have been made famous for being in the newspapers year after year for decade after decade for harming raping beating molesting and murdering women and children . I don't see any law makers asking those scumbags to change their icon? Some very rich men even pay these freaks to be on their TV show.
Our USA Marine Snipers are shown less respect from the American law makers then the USA hells angels
Sad Sad SAd and not one rich famous star will stand up and fight for these Proud Marines.
These are not mid life crisis bikers these are Proud Marines
These men Know what they want becasue they risk their life every day.
This whole argument hits home because how do you think the women and children Victims of the USA hells angels feel and the family of those Victims feel when they turm on the TV and see kurt sutter making gang members rich and famous?
and when they see mid aged crisis want a be bikers pararde around acting like these freaks are special ?
So lets Get some SOA Fans behind Our Marines
David on March 24, 2012 3:52 pm
We're Scout Sniper, our symbol isn't going anywhere, even if the public thinks it does. Plain and simple.
Hey Ornstein this is a Marine matter so let the Marines deal with it. Unless someday you earn the title then maybe your influence and your opinion will count(STICK TO ACTING) the SS will stay no matter what, if your looking for more fame and publicity or to sell your art do it in Hollywood as a Sniper with STA Platoon with 9 confirmed the SS stays. If Amos had any balls, and would stand up to Capitol Hill this wouldn't be an issue, keep your nose out of Marine affairs please. P.S. Your violent drug pushing addict show sucks, great example your crap is setting for the youth of America!!!!!!
Proud to have men like you defend me and my loved ones.
Oh ya and Michael Marines do not wear patches, go peddle your art to the Army im sure they will enjoy it. You want to thank the Marines start visiting the V.A. hospitals or the wounded warrior battalion and thank us personally, or use some of your hard earned Hollywood dollars and donate to the DAV or Marine Corps League. I know what your up to I've seen your type come and go. Take a page outta Gary Sinise's book that man is a true patriot and hero and truely does give a fuck about the military.
Chad Thatcher on March 25, 2012 4:06 am
It hurts to hear that Gen. Amos won't stand up to politicians. Fuck him. Its the NCO's and SNCO's that run the Corps anyhow. Don't change shit! Without our traditions, we are nothing but the Army! Keep your heads down brothers and ignore the bullshit from Washington! Semper Fi!
CPL USMC 92-96
AmericanSnipers.org on March 25, 2012 11:44 am
So will celtic aligned folks be required to no longer having Swastikas in any old depiction of their symbols?
Scout Snipers, double SS's, get it folks??!! Get over it.
The "artistic" SS's look like skewed bow ties, horrible.
And for crying out loud, get over spelling out GOD. Why has GOD become so dishonored in this country. Get real people.
Detroit Dutch on March 25, 2012 8:18 pm
We appreciate the comments from the Hollywood and so called Hells Angels but speaking for the US Marine Corps, "we don't need any symbols or special graphics" we all have the Eagle Globe and Anchor. That's been enough for hundreds of years and nothing has changed. OBTW, since we have you here, if I can speak for the Marine Corps, we'd like "Our Name" Hells' Angles back, I don't believe any gave you guys authorization to use it, WE Are "Marine Fighter Attack Squadron 321 (VMFA-321) Hells' Angles" and have been so since WWII. If you want to do something for us, QUIT USING OUR NAME!
lowecat on March 25, 2012 9:09 pm
Man, it seems to me that some of you whankers postin' negative BS on here about Michael's offer are just a bunch of internet pussy wanna be tough guys hidin' behind a damn computer monitor throwin' piss all over somebody for havin' an idea and sharin' it.
Honestly, never has the phrase 'Those who CAN, DO. Those who CAN'T, CRITIC those who DO.' been more true to life than it's been on this page!
Y'know, I can't draw a straight line with a frackin' ruler, but I know when I like somethin'. It's not just because of bein' a friend of Mr. Ornstein's that I'm speakin' out, but because I like a lot of his work – whether it's his paintin's, his photography, his writin', or his actin'.
Tell all y'all one thing, when it comes to the so – called classic artists, some of 'em make my hair hurt. Picasso is one of 'em.
Y'all might not like Mr. Orstein's style now, but years from now, it might be as influential and coveted as a Picasso. Ever think of that?
Again, some of you are missin' the fucking point! Mr. Ornstein isn't holdin' a gun to the USMC's head nor to the Secret Snipers and tellin' 'em that they HAVE to use his design! He saw people makin' a big stink outta somethin' that was really none of their frackin' business, and offered a workable alternative.
Sure as hell don't see any of you complainers offerin' to do likewise.
So if some of you whinin' whankers, like Brian and the GodoftheHellsAngels (poor Hell's Angels!) can't do anything better than rake Mr. Ornstein over the coals for havin' the balls to somethin' all y'all can't do, maybe y'all should find somethin' else to get your drawers in a wad over.
To the real true Marines out there, I know all y'all can see that Mr. Ornstein's heart was in the right place. We support you here at home.
From a USAR Retired Captain's wife.
Brian on March 25, 2012 11:44 pm
WOW retired Captains wife, your funny keep them coming that was a good laugh. Sounds like you have a crush on Ornstein, go for it!!!Im sure your husband has had his fun while he was deployed behind your back. That being said anything coming from a Retired Army mutts wife I will consider a joke!!!By the way I can draw a hell of alot better than that but the fact is nothing needs to be changed with the logo and its not going to change, you should go open your pie hole in the Army times. Army mutt wife "GIVE ME A BREAK" GOD your funny!!!!
RON on March 26, 2012 12:06 am
Good one Brian!!! Why there is a Army wife talking shit about Marine Corps issues is beyond me. I'm a Marine Veteran and a tatt artist. Iv'e been following this issue since it broke and my buddies who are artists didn't go out drawing up designs to change the SS logo that's been with the STA snipers for as long SS snipers have been around. Were not looking for fame or money or to promote are artwork.(This is a Scout Sniper issue) cut and dry. If they want to change it fine if not fine. They don't need some gayass actor from Hollywood who can draw a bit sticking his nose or ideas in Marine Corps business(Stick to Hollywood baldy!!Let the Snipers handle it!!! And Army wife keep mooching of HUBBIES retirement checks and direct your comments in the Army times(stay out of Marine Corps business(especially the Scout Snipers) like Brian said!!!!
(GOOD NIGHT CHESTY PULLER WHEVER YOU ARE)!!!!!!
GodoftheUSAhellsangels on March 26, 2012 12:34 pm
First I would like to say : Sorry I saw this when Kurt Sutter put this site on his twitter or I would never would have commented on a USA Marine Scout Sniper site. I really did not realize until after a few comments it is for a restricted community .
I hate when Hollywood men are pushing USA hells angels support on young teenagers young adults and mid life crisis men. Last thing we need in the USA is for Kurt Sutter to make the USA hells angels bigger and richer.
I had to post one last time so the bitch posting for Ornstein would under
My Name is Mike Yevtuck I live at 97 pacific Blvd. Cliffwood beach. NJ 07735 phone 732 673 1269
I don't hide behind a computer. I beat up USA hells angels every chance they give me.
You should never talk about the other men here who look at death everyday.
Your Pal Michael Ornstein's
USA hells angels have been made famous in the USA newspapers year after year decades after decade for horrible crimes like harming raping molesting and murdering women and children.
In recent years the USA hells angels have added the proud tradition of standing behind the USA hells angels leader Dave Burgess who was busted transporting a huge Child porn collection across many state line on his way to a USA hells angels convention. Was that the distribution point for USA hells angels child porn ?
Why would the USA hells angels leader take a record amount of child porn across so many states to USA hells angels convention he that was not the distribution point?
Also Like I have been posting online forever
Give back the Hells angels name to the armed forces .
You men that date and support USA hells angels disgust me ,
You freaks offered help to benefit yourself . Now out of respect for the women and children in the USA the families of the men fighting for us stop promoting USA hells angels before more women and children become victims .
Gunnyjc on March 26, 2012 9:10 pm
Thank you Michael for your support. As the son of a WWII army vet who fought in Europe. My father was laughing in the old soldiers home, over this controversy. He had no problem with the previous logo. As an S/S detachment senior NCO for the 5th (Marines) SOCOM group, there is no need to do any changes. these so called nazi signs were first used by vikings in there travels into Europe and again by the roman legions and again by persians. so this controversy will pass.
Grey on March 27, 2012 12:06 am
Just went to Ornsteins website of his so called art. God what a total abortion, Goddam don't quit your day job, and by the way from what I hear that sucks too. Damm my three year old son comes home from daycare with better artwork than that, you really come to the Marines with that junk (especially the scout snipers) you either have alot of balls or no brains!!! Layoff the acid/mushrooms or PCP dude!!!
Joe on March 27, 2012 11:11 pm
Lame Logo. Sons of Anarchy are fucking actresses. Fuck their opinion. Who are they ? nobody's… the SS is the Sniper Logo, fuck politics. Keep the logo.
Sam P on March 28, 2012 2:29 am
From the vikingrune website:
I cannot stand IGNORANT people making decisions that will seriously affect one's life or career, without first researching and getting all the facts. I know, I know, the media always puts out ALL OF THE FACTS, right? If we lived off this premise, the toten-rune or the totes-rune (depending on which dialect you prefer) is a HATE symbol. You will see it is strangely familiar to the "peace sign". That is not by coincidence, it was done on purpose (see: straight dope website or wikipedia "history of peace sign") You will also notice that many of the old runes look familiar to military symbology, again, not by coincidence. Many of the symbols used in Nazi Germany by the National Socialist Party were symbols that have been in existence and used by other civilizations for thousands of years before Hitler and his henchmen ever came about.
Eric on March 28, 2012 6:53 am
Honestly this is probably one of the best reactions to this story, instead of trying to blame and punish, your trying to help and offer solutions. We should all be humbled by your offer, I know I am. As an active duty Navy E-5 and an SOA fan, I want to extend my thanks for taking this matter to heart and trying to be part of the solution.
Pingback: Battle Rattle - A Marine Corps Times Blog – Another artist offers new Marine scout sniper logos
michael on March 31, 2012 7:13 pm
Sam P,
As a result of the thought I gave to this situation after reading and thinking about your words all day yesterday and today, I have a deeper understanding.
These words, in particular:
"Snipers are traditional and superstitious people. We live on the premise "If you are not paranoid, you are not prepared." We are meticulous and highly discriminative in our acts. We need to be, for our survival (and our brother's survival) is on the line. We prefer the continual use of thousand year old runes."
I understand that deeply. Enough said.
Ultimately, all I want to say to the Marine Scout Sniper Community is Thank You.
Honored,
Michael Marisi Ornstein
Just so you know, my sketch was meant to go beyond the "All Seeing Eye."
It was meant to represent the Marine Scout Sniper's eye, standing as a clear fact that no one can hide because this eye never closes and this eye is everywhere at all times.
A message stating "My Sight, My Victory" sent direct from NYC.
Right on Ornstein you made your point now go back to Hollyweird!!!!!! Thanks for adding to the controversy. I think we the Marines that have earned the "TITLE" will handle this within the Ranks…..no more input from you is necessary.
Sam Claton on September 15, 2012 9:07 pm
You could certainly see your skills in the paintings you write. The sector hopes for more passionate writers like you who aren't afraid to mention how they believe. Always follow your heart. http://www.profesjonalne.logo-projektowanie.com/11114-artykul-Jak.ubezpieczyc.spiesznie.samochod | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 14 |
Q: Azure Kubernetes Kong Ingress Timeout Issue I have one API application in Azure Kubernetes Service. Kong gateway is used for API. My problem is that one endpoint may take more than one minute to give response. But after one minute, it throws error message below
{
"message": "The upstream server is timing out"
}
I use GitHub Actions for deployment. Below is my yaml for Kong part
apiVersion: networking.k8s.io/v1
kind: Ingress
metadata:
name: docuploadapi
namespace: ocr
annotations:
cert-manager.io/cluster-issuer: letsencrypt-prod-kong
kubernetes.io/ingress.class: kong
konghq.com/protocols: https
konghq.com/https-redirect-status-code: "301"
konghq.com/plugins: upstream-timeout-example
# konghq.com/strip-path: "true"
nginx.org/location-snippets: |
add_header X-Forwarded-Proto https;
spec:
rules:
- host: domain
http:
paths:
- path: /
pathType: ImplementationSpecific
backend:
service:
name: docuploadapi
port:
number: 80
- path: /api
pathType: ImplementationSpecific
backend:
service:
name: docuploadapi-kong
port:
number: 80
- path: /api/Admin
pathType: ImplementationSpecific
backend:
service:
name: docuploadapi-kong-admin
port:
number: 80
tls:
- hosts:
- domain
secretName: docupload.dev-secret
---
#network policies
kind: NetworkPolicy
apiVersion: networking.k8s.io/v1
metadata:
name: docupload-allowingress
namespace: ocr
spec:
podSelector:
matchLabels:
app: docuploadapi
ingress:
- ports:
- port: 80
from:
- podSelector: {}
# matchLabels:
# app.kubernetes.io/instance: nginx-ingress
- namespaceSelector: {}
# matchLabels:
# name: ingress
---
kind: KongPlugin
apiVersion: configuration.konghq.com/v1
metadata:
name: upstream-timeout-example
config:
connect_timeout: 4000
send_timeout: 5000
read_timeout: 5000
I read this document but when I send request it still gives same error message.
How can I increase this timeout to 2 minutes?
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 8,224 |
Exercise : Tense Consistency Exercise 4
Controlling Shifts in Paragraphs
Although the main tense in the following paragraph is past, the writer correctly shifts to present tense twice. Find these two verbs in present tense. If you encounter difficulty, try reading the paragraph aloud.
The Iroquois Indians of the Northeast regularly burned land to increase open space for agriculture. In fact, the early settlers of Boston found so few trees that they had to row out to the islands in the harbor to obtain fuel. Just how far north this practice extended is uncertain, but the Saco River in southern Maine appears to have been the original northern boundary of the agricultural clearings. Then, pressured by European settlement, the Iroquois extended their systematic burning far northward, even into the Maritime Provinces of Canada. (abridged from Hay and Farb, The Atlantic Shore)
Read the following paragraph through, and determine the main tense. Then reread it and circle the three verbs that shift incorrectly from the main tense.
For the past seven years, I have called myself a swimmer. Swimming, my one sport, provides a necessary outlet for my abundant energy. I have always drawn satisfaction from exertion, straining my muscles to their limits. I don't know why pushing forward in the water, as my muscles cried out in pain, sets off a booming cheer in my head. Many times when I rounded the turn for the last lap of a race, my complaining muscles want to downshift and idle to the finish. My mind, however, presses the pedal to the floor and yells, "FASTER!" The moment that I touched the wall my muscles relax; the pain subsides. I am pleased to have passed the point of conflict. (adapted from Brendon MacLean, "Harder!")
You will notice several shifts in tense in the following paragraph describing action in a fictional narrative. Find the six faulty shifts in tense.
In "The Use of Force" William Carlos Williams describes a struggle involving a doctor, two parents, and their young daughter. The doctor must obtain a throat culture from the girl, who was suspected of having diphtheria. This ordinarily simple task is hindered by the frightened and uncooperative patient, Mathilda Olson. Adding to the doctor's difficulties were the parents, who had to struggle with their own conflicting emotions. They want their daughter helped, but they did not trust the doctor to do the right thing. Sensitive to the parents' uncertainty, the doctor became more and more frustrated by Mathilda's resistance. Williams gives considerable attention to how each of the Olsons react, but it is clear that his main interest was in the doctor and his responses.(adapted from a student essay)
Go to Answers | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 5,226 |
Q: How to keep order of elements in first file when merging two xml files using xstl 2.0 I have two XML files which have a header, section and a trailer. The section itself has section header, section details and section trailer. I need to merge the two files at two levels - first at section level and then at section detail level. I want my results to be based on the first file (Headers and trailers will come from the first file). If the section matches, I need to keep the ordering of section details from the first file (there is no sort key for ordering, just the order of occurence). If section is not there in the first file, I need to add the whole section from the second file.
I have the xsl which gives me the results but the ordering is not correct. I need help on how to order them. I did not try key lookup as I was not sure how to account for sections that are not there in the first file.
When the SectionDetails match, I need the records from first file to appear before the records from second file.
My first file, FileA is here
<FileRecord>
<HeaderRecord>
<A>FileA</A>
</HeaderRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Science">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Physics">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Chemistry">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Biology">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Math">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Algebra">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Calculus">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Geometry">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<TrailerRecord>
<A>FileA</A>
</TrailerRecord>
</FileRecord>
The second file FileB is here
<FileRecord>
<HeaderRecord>
<A>FileB</A>
</HeaderRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Science">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Chemistry">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Math">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Geometry">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="History">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Ancient">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Modern">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<TrailerRecord>
<A>FileB</A>
</TrailerRecord>
</FileRecord>
And the xsl I am using is here
<xsl:stylesheet version="2.0"
xmlns:xsd="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema"
xmlns:xsi="http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema-instance" xmlns:xsl="http://www.w3.org/1999/XSL/Transform"
exclude-result-prefixes="xsd xsi xsl"
>
<xsl:param name="filebrecs" select="document('FileB.xml')"/>
<xsl:template match="@* | node()">
<xsl:copy>
<xsl:apply-templates select="@* | node()"/>
</xsl:copy>
</xsl:template>
<xsl:template match="/">
<xsl:apply-templates select="FileRecord"/>
</xsl:template>
<xsl:template match="FileRecord">
<FileRecord>
<xsl:apply-templates select="HeaderRecord"/>
<xsl:for-each-group select="SectionRecord, $filebrecs/FileRecord/SectionRecord" group-by="@Subject">
<SectionRecord>
<xsl:attribute name="Subject"><xsl:value-of select="current-grouping-key()"/> </xsl:attribute>
<xsl:apply-templates select="current-group()[1]/SectionHeader"/>
<xsl:for-each-group select="current-group()//SectionDetails" group-by="@Stream">
<xsl:for-each select="current-group()">
<xsl:apply-templates select="."/>
</xsl:for-each>
</xsl:for-each-group>
<xsl:apply-templates select="current-group()[1]/SectionTrailer"/>
</SectionRecord>
</xsl:for-each-group>
<xsl:apply-templates select="TrailerRecord"/>
</FileRecord>
</xsl:template>
</xsl:stylesheet>
I am expecting result like this
<FileRecord>
<HeaderRecord>
<A>FileA</A>
</HeaderRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Science">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Physics">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Chemistry">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Chemistry">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Biology">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Math">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Algebra">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Calculus">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Geometry">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Geometry">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="History">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Ancient">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Modern">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<TrailerRecord>
<A>FileA</A>
</TrailerRecord>
</FileRecord>
The actual result that I am getting is
<?xml version = '1.0' encoding = 'UTF-8'?>
<FileRecord>
<HeaderRecord>
<A>FileA</A>
</HeaderRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Science">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Physics">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Chemistry">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Chemistry">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Biology">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="Math">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Geometry">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Geometry">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Algebra">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Calculus">
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileA</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<SectionRecord Subject="History">
<SectionHeader>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionHeader>
<SectionDetails Stream="Ancient">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionDetails Stream="Modern">
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionDetails>
<SectionTrailer>
<A>FileB</A>
</SectionTrailer>
</SectionRecord>
<TrailerRecord>
<A>FileA</A>
</TrailerRecord>
</FileRecord>
In the Section Subject=Science, the ordering of Physics, Chemistry and Biology came out correct, but I want FileA record to appear before FileB Record. In the Section record for Math, Geometry showed up before Algebra and Calculus. I want it to appear in the order of FileA (and FileA record to appear before FileB record). Why did it mess up the ordering on the Math but not on Science?
Also I don't like the use of hard coded number to access the first file records
<xsl:apply-templates select="current-group()[1]/SectionHeader"/>
Is there a better way of doing it.
A: I was trying to reproduce your error, but my output matched your desired outcome.
Use FileA.xml as the first input file:
transform.xslt FileA.xml
and FileB.xml as the second input file in your XSLT:
<xsl:param name="filebrecs" select="document('FileB.xml')"/>
Then your output will be as expected.
A: Try changing
<xsl:for-each-group select="current-group()//SectionDetails" group-by="@Stream">
<xsl:for-each select="current-group()">
<xsl:apply-templates select="."/>
</xsl:for-each>
</xsl:for-each-group>
to
<xsl:for-each-group select="for $rec in current-group() return $rec/SectionDetails" group-by="@Stream">
<xsl:apply-templates select="current-group()"/>
</xsl:for-each-group>
Using a for return expression should preserve the order of the outer population when you deal with nodes from different documents while it is undefined and unpredictable if you use current-group()//SectionDetails.
As for simplifying <xsl:apply-templates select="current-group()[1]/SectionHeader"/>, inside of a for-each-group the first item in each group is the context item so instead of current-group()[1] you can simply use . e.g. ./SectionHeader which of course can be shortened to SectionHeader i.e. <xsl:apply-templates select="SectionHeader"/>
Not sure however why you use XSLT 2 constructs like for-each-group and in the comment to the other answer then mention Xalan which, being an XSLT 1 processor, does not support for-each-group.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 7,402 |
Q: Nodemailer SMTP generating ENOTFOUND I'm trying to implement Nodemailer in Firebase and I keep getting ENOTFOUND error as below:
Error: getaddrinfo ENOTFOUND smtpout.secureserver.net smtpout.secureserver.net:587
at errnoException (dns.js:28:10)
at GetAddrInfoReqWrap.onlookup [as oncomplete] (dns.js:76:26)
code: 'ECONNECTION',
errno: 'ENOTFOUND',
syscall: 'getaddrinfo',
hostname: 'smtpout.secureserver.net',
host: 'smtpout.secureserver.net',
port: 587,
command: 'CONN'
My transporter setup is:
var transporter = nodemailer.createTransport({
host: 'smtpout.secureserver.net',
port: 587,
auth: {
user: 'uttsgroup@uttsg-demos.com',
pass: 'somepassword'
},
secure:false,
tls: {rejectUnauthorized: false},
debug:true
});
I've tried various options but all were generating the same error result.
Please, assist.
Many Thanks,
Badih
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 1,562 |
{"url":"https:\/\/www.kek.jp\/old\/ja\/Conference\/2016\/005862\/","text":"# \u7406\u8ad6\u30bb\u30df\u30ca\u30fc\uff0fDr. Yuki Yokokura\n\n\u30ab\u30c6\u30b4\u30ea 2016\/06\/24\uff08\u91d1\uff0917:00 2016\/06\/24\uff08\u91d1\uff0918:30 Kenkyu Honkan 3F seminar room(322,321) Thermodynamic entropy as a Noether invariant Dr. Yuki Yokokura(RIKEN) \u65e5\u672c\u8a9e\/Japanese \u677e\u4e45\/ matsuhis-AT-post.kek.jp https:\/\/www2.kek.jp\/theory-center\/theory\/archives\/seminar\/20160624\/ \u5229\u7528\u4e88\u5b9a\u306a\u3057\uff0f0\n\n## \u6982\u8981\n\nWe study a classical many-particle system with an external\ncontrol represented by a time-dependent extensive parameter in a\nLagrangian. We show that thermodynamic entropy of the system is\nuniquely characterized as the Noether invariant associated with a\nsymmetry for an infinitesimal non-uniform time translation $t\\to +\\eta\\hbar \\beta$, where $\\eta$ is a small parameter, $\\hbar$ is the\nPlanck constant, $\\beta$ is the inverse temperature that depends on\nthe energy and control parameter, and trajectories in the phase space\nare\nrestricted to those consistent with quasi-static processes in\nthermodynamics.\n\nREFERENCE:\nPhys. Rev. Lett. 116, 140601 (2016)\n\n\u2022 \u56fd\u969b\u4f1a\u8b70\u30fb\u7814\u7a76\u4f1a\n\u2022 \u30b3\u30ed\u30ad\u30a6\u30e0\n\u2022 \u30bb\u30df\u30ca\u30fc\n\u2022 \u8ac7\u8a71\u4f1a\u30fb\u4ea4\u6d41\u4f1a","date":"2023-03-24 09:32:29","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": true, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 0, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 0, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 0, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.878292441368103, \"perplexity\": 6594.821533289662}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 10, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": true}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2023-14\/segments\/1679296945279.63\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20230324082226-20230324112226-00652.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
Home»US»Irving Mayor Beth Van Duyne: Clockboy Ahmed Mohamed Told Reporters a Lot More than He told Police
Irving Mayor Beth Van Duyne: Clockboy Ahmed Mohamed Told Reporters a Lot More than He told Police
Tim Brown / October 1, 2015
I reminded everyone last week that clockboy Ahmed Mohamed is in the same town as the brouhaha that bubbled up earlier this year regarding a bill that would stand against all foreign law in Texas. At that time, Mayor Beth Van Duyne came under fire by Muslims in the area who wanted Sharia in Texas, but she wouldn't back down. Now, she is opening up about the fraudulent little clockmaker Ahmed and claiming he had a whole lot more to tell reporters after the incident than he did police when they arrived at his school.
While a guest at the Arlington Republican Club, Van Duyne, who mostly spoke about Sharia and the criticism she received over her stand for American law, said, "In my own conversations with the police is that he was not forthcoming with information, but I just think common sense prevails. Does it make sense? And if not, why?"
She claims that from what she understands from police that Ahmed's response to them was "evasive." However, because he is a juvenile, his records are sealed and cannot be looked at.
"The family has been non-responsive to their requests to sign off that they can release that information," said Van Duyne. "So right now, we're waiting to hear back from the parents that we can release that information and have transparency out in the public."
She also took time to speak to BlazeTV and said, "He told a lot more to the reporters than he ever told to the police. There's a problem with that."
She added, "If your child was in that school, and you saw something like this come in, you would want to make sure…. It is our priority to make our children safe in school, period."
I agree with her assessment, but as I have said on numerous occasions, the safest place for children to be is in their homes, not "gun free zone" public indoctrination centers. However, since they are there, it mostly certainly should be a priority to make sure children are safe and not in danger of some Muslim misfit making a dry run with clock he didn't even build!
She said that Irving is one of the safest cities in the country and though that is the case, she blasted the "misinformation" disseminated by Barack Hussein Obama as resulting in death threats to members of the police department and school district. That is par for the course for the agitator-in-chief though, who then invited Ahmed to the White House.
Cool clock, Ahmed. Want to bring it to the White House? We should inspire more kids like you to like science. It's what makes America great.
— President Obama (@POTUS) September 16, 2015
And why were these death threats issued? According to the mayor it was "for doing their jobs."
Jim Hanson from the Center for Security Policy echoed Van Duyne's comments and added, "I don't think there's any question that this latest event was a PR stunt. It was a staged event where someone convinced this kid to bring a device that he didn't build, as you mentioned. It's a RadioShack clock that he put in a briefcase, and in a briefcase it looks like a bomb. You know how I know that, Glenn? Because I've built briefcase bombs and blown them up. That's what they look like. So, anyone who looked at that was reasonable in assuming that that was a dangerous device. They did that to create the exact scenario that played out. They wanted people to react, and they wanted to portray this kid as an innocent victim."
"I think he was a pawn of potentially his father," he continued. "His sister actually claimed that she was suspended. His sister told MSNBC that she was suspended by the same school district for making a bomb threat years ago. Don't know if that's true yet, but she said that in her own words. So, there's a vendetta from them, and they're tied, as you mentioned, with CAIR, and CAIR is Muslim Brotherhood and Hamas tied. They're basically involved in civilization jihad, so I think you're right."
Ahmed was not charged, but did receive a three day suspension. Since that time, he has withdrawn from the school, and though he claims it has "torn the family" and "makes us very confused," that isn't stopping the whole family from flying to New York to address the United Nations and then go on the Islamic pilgrimage to Mecca. When they come back, Ahmed says "we'll visit President Obama."
The question that lingers in my mind is, will that be to get further marching orders in his new school?
This has been nothing more than a testing of the cities vigilance against Islam and against Sharia. So far, the city hasn't backed down nor should they.
Tags:beth van duynejim hanson
Planned Parenthood Claims to be Conducting Breast Cancer Screening - Doesn't Own a Single Mammogram Machine
Federal Militarization of Police Blocked by Montana Law | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaCommonCrawl"
} | 9,764 |
Debut novelist A J Finn dishes out this thriller like there's no safe tomorrow. Fast paced, and thoroughly engaging, 'The woman in the window' offers you a chance to escape – the snow, and grey depressing days in wintertime.
It's the story of Anna Fox, a recluse, who has a number of issues that inhabit and take over her life. We're not sure if what she sees, and says, is real or imagined. It may well all be in her head. After all, she has a penchant for drinking too much wine, she is a recluse who has a fear of leaving her house. All she does is spy on her neighbours. But then, she witnesses something monstrous – a murder. No one believes her, and indeed there seems to be no proof, no body even. Is Anna delusional? The action moves relentlessly as the reader is yanked between the critical present and Anna's troubled recent past. Shocking facts come to light. Other characters begin to move out from the shadows and take on more substantial roles. The reader is left breathless at the speed of Anna's unravelling.
Amid this chaos, Anna remains sure of what she saw. Her troubled mind recoups its strength and she is determined to prove her sanity, if only to herself. The climactic scenes come in a rush and by the end of the book, we let out a sigh of relief.
The book is written almost like a movie script. I hear Hollywood has optioned it for a film. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 4,949 |
\section{Introduction}
Human knowledge can be expressed and stored in the form of triples, and this structured knowledge is beneficial to many downstream tasks, such as question answering \cite{c:102}, knowledge graph completion \cite{c:101}, and search engine \cite{c:103}. Therefore, many efforts have been devoted to researching relation extraction (RE), which aims at extracting relational facts from plain text \cite{c:104}.
Although the early research on RE mostly focused on sentence-level RE, many recent efforts have extended RE to the document-level \cite{c:105,c:106}.
Moreover, since large amounts of relationships, such as relational facts from Wikipedia articles and biomedical literature, are expressed by multiple sentences \cite{c:105,c:107}, document-level RE is more practical than sentence-level RE.
\begin{figure}[t]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=0.90 \columnwidth]{figure1-7.png}
\caption{An example from the DocRED dataset that illustrates the importance of the clue words outside the mentions for relationship prediction. (a) is the document, in which different colors indicate different entities. And, the highlighted word \textit{episode} does not belong to any entity mentions but provides important clue information to predict the inter-sentence relations in (b).}
\label{fig1}
\end{figure}
Compared with sentence-level RE, document-level RE has one major challenge: the identification of many complex inter-sentence relations requires techniques of reasoning.
These inter-sentence relations may not be explicitly expressed in the document, which could only be extracted through reasoning techniques.
Since graph neural networks (GNN) can not only effectively model long-distance dependencies but also has excellent inference ability, methods based on graphs are widely used for document-level RE \cite{c:129,c:130,c:133,c:131}.
These methods first obtain the contextual embedding of each word in the document through an encoder (e.g., a pre-trained language model), and then apply a pooling operation on on the words contained in the mentions (mention words) to gets the contextual embeddings of mentions or entities.
Finally, they construct heterogeneous document-graphs with dependency structures, heuristics, or structured attention \cite{c:108,c:109,c:110}, and perform inference on the document-graph through graph convolutional network (GCN) models \cite{c:112,c:113}.
Therefore, it can be seen that these graph-based model only considers the mention words information in the process of constructing the document-graph and inference.
Unfortunately, clue words outside the mentions that are ignored by these methods provide important guiding information for the prediction of many complex inter-sentence relations.
For example, as shown in Figure~\ref{fig1}, although \textbf{"episode"} does not belong to any mentions, it provides important clues for identifying the inter-sentential relations: (\textit{Blackadders, country of origin, United Kingdom}), (\textit{Blackadders, creator, Richard Curtis}) and (\textit{Blackadders, characters, Blackadder}).
Therefore, it is crucial to make full use of clue words outside the mentions in the reasoning process for document-level RE.
In this paper, we treat graph-based document-level RE models as a encoder-decoder framework, in which the encoder is usually a pre-trained language model for extracting contextual embeddings of mentions or entities, and the decoder is a GNN model for inference, called Inference Decoder (\textbf{I-Decoder}).
Similarly, in machine translation tasks, machine translation models based on encoder-decoder framework usually capture the clue information of source language through a decoder-to-encoder attention mechanism to improve translation quality.
Inspired by this, we propose a novel graph-based document-level RE model \textbf{NC-DRE} which introduces a decoder-to-encoder attention mechanism to help the I-Decoder capture clue information, especially non-entity clue information.
Furthermore, to further improve the reasoning ability of the model, inspired by \cite{c:1} that uses transformer architecture to model graphs and achieves better results in graph representation learning compared
to mainstream GNN variants, we use a variant of the Transformer's decoder \cite{c:151} instead of the GNN models as the I-Decoder module for NC-DRE.
In the variant of the Transformer's decoder, we replace the standard Multi-head Self-Attention (\textbf{MSA}) mechanism with a novel Structured-Mask Multi-head Self-Attention (\textbf{SM-MSA}) one that uses the self-attention mechanism to model heterogeneous document-graphs and has better reasoning ability than naive GNNs.
Specifically, in SM-MSA, each head corresponds to a homogeneous sub-graph with a type of edges of the heterogeneous document-graph and performs inference on the sub-graph with a specific mask matrix.
Therefore, as shown in Figure \ref{fig3}, NC-DRE can not only complete inference on heterogeneous document-graphs through SM-MSA but also capture clue information via Cross Multi-head Self-Attention mechanism (\textbf{C-MSA}), i.e. decoder-to-encoder attention mechanism, in Transformer's decoder.
Concretely, NC-DRE first obtains the contextual embedding of each word in the document through the encoder, and then constructs a Heterogeneous Mention-level Graph (\textbf{HMG}), i.e. heterogeneous document-graph, based on the contextual embeddings of words.
Finally, NC-DRE utilizes the SM-MSA to completes the inference on the HMG and captures clue information to improve reasoning through the C-MSA.
To demonstrate the effectiveness of our NC-DRE model, we conduct comprehensive experiments on three document-level RE datasets, DocRED, CDR, and GDA.
Our model significantly outperforms the state-of-the-art methods.
Further analysis demonstrates that our NC-DRE model can effectively capture non-entity clue information during the inference process of document-level RE.
The contributions of our work are summarized as follows:
\begin{itemize}
\item We propose a novel graph-based document-level RE model NC-DRE, which treats graph-based methods as an encoder-decoder architecture and introduces a C-MSA mechanism to help the decoder capture clue information.
\item We propose the SM-MSA mechanism to further improve the reasoning ability of our model.
SM-MSA uses the self-attention mechanism to model MGH and has better reasoning ability than GNN.
\item We conduct experiments on three public document-level RE datasets, which demonstrate the effectiveness of our NC-DRE model.
Meanwhile, our model achieves new state-of-the-art performance on three benchmark datasets.
\end{itemize}
\begin{figure*}[t]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=0.65 \textwidth]{figure1-2.png}
\caption{
The architecture of NC-DRE.
The I-Decoder is a variant of the Transformer's decoder by replacing the standard MSA with our SM-MSA, where C-MSA is a decoder-to-encoder attention mechanism.
SM-MSA contains six heads, and each head corresponds to a specific SMM that is essentially an adjacency matrix of a homogeneous sub-graph in the HMG.
Therefore, NC-DRE can not only complete inference on HMG through SM-MSA but also capture clue information to improve reasoning via C-MSA.
}
\label{fig3}
\end{figure*}
\section{Methodology}
In this section, we introduce in detail our NC-DRE model.
As shown in Figure~\ref{fig3}, our NC-DRE model consists of three modules, i.e., encoder module, I-Decoder module, and classifier module.
We first describe the encoder module and the HMG in Section~\ref{sec2.1}, then introduce our core module, I-Docoder, in Section ~\ref{sec2.2}, finally we describe classifier module and loss function in Section~\ref{sec2.3}.
\subsection{Encoder Module and HMG}
\label{sec2.1}
Given document $D=\{w_i\}_{j=1}^{l}$ containing $l$ words, we first mark the mention in the document by inserting special symbols $\left \langle e_{t} \right \rangle$ and $\left \langle \setminus e_{t} \right \rangle$ at the start and end position of the mentions, where $e_{t}$ is the entity type of the mention.
It is adapted from the entity marker technique \cite{c:106,c:116,c:152}.
Then we feed the adapted document to the pre-trained language model to obtain the contextual embeddings of each word in the document:
\begin{equation}
H=[h_1,...,h_l] = BERT([w_1,...,w_l]) .
\end{equation}
Then, we construct an HMG based on the contextual embeddings of words.
Concretely, An HMG contains three types of nodes, i.e., \textbf{Mention Nodes}, \textbf{Sentence Nodes}, and \textbf{Document Nodes}:
\begin{itemize}
\item We use the contextual embedding of the $\left \langle e_{t} \right \rangle$ located at the start of a mention as the feature vector of the corresponding mention node.
\item For a sentence node, we obtain its feature vector by averaging the contextual embeddings of the words contained in the sentence.
\item And, we utilize the contextual embedding of $\left \langle CLS \right \rangle$, which is located at the beginning of the document, as the feature vector of the document node.
\end{itemize}
In addition, HMG also contains six types of edges:
\begin{itemize}
\item \textbf{Intra-Entity Edge:} Different mentions of the entity are fully connected with the intra-entity edges. In this way, we can capture the global contextual information of the entity.
\item \textbf{Inter-Entity Edge:} Two mentions of different entities are connected with an inter-entity edge if they co-occur in a single sentence. In this way, the interaction between different entities appearing in the same sentence can be modeled.
\item \textbf{Sentence-Mention Edge:} If a mention is contained by a sentence, the mention and the sentence will be connected by a Sentence-Mention Edge. In this way, mentions can capture the local contextual information from the sentence in which they are located.
\item \textbf{Sentence-Order Edge:} Two adjacent sentences in the document are connected with a Sentence-Order Edge. In this way, we can model the sentence-level sequence structure.
\item \textbf{Sentence-Document Edge:} We connect the document node to each sentence node through the Sentence-Document Edge. In this way, we can obtain an informative document representation.
\item \textbf{Fully Connected Edge:} All nodes in the HMG are fully connected with the Fully Connected Edge. So the interaction between any two nodes in HMG can be accelerated.
\end{itemize}
As shown in Figure~\ref{fig4}, the HMG contains a node feature matrix $X\in R^{N_n \times d}$ and 6 adjacency matrices $E=\left \langle E_1,E_2,E_3,E_4,E_5,E_6 \right \rangle \in R^{6 \times N_n \times N_n}$ corresponding to 6 kinds of edges, where $N_n$ represents the number of nodes in the HMG.
\subsection{Inference Decoder (I-Decoder)}
\label{sec2.2}
As shown in Figure~\ref{fig3}, our I-Docoder is a variant of Transformer's decoder by replacing the MSA with our SM-MSA.
Therefore, all modules in the I-Decoder except SA-MSA are the same as those in the transformer's encoder.
The I-Decoder uses SM-MSA to perform inference on HMG and C-MSA to capture clue information from the document.
To further improve the reasoning ability of our NC-DRE model, inspired by \cite{c:1} that uses the self-attention mechanism to model graph structures and achieves excellent results on graph representation learning tasks, we propose SM-MSA which is a variant of MSA and uses the self-attention mechanism to model HMG.
Specifically, SM-MSA first divides the HMG into 6 homogeneous sub-graphs according to the type of edges and builds a separate adjacency matrix for each sub-graph, as shown in Figure~\ref{fig4}.
In SM-MSA, there are 6 heads and each head corresponds to a homogeneous sub-graph.
Then, to enable each head in SM-MSA to complete inference on the corresponding homogeneous sub-graph, we treat the adjacency matrix of the homogeneous sub-graph as a mask matrix to control the information propagation of self-attention in the head.
Under the restriction of a specific mask matrix, each head in SM-MSA can only transmit information on the corresponding homogeneous sub-graph.
As an example, Figure~\ref{fig5} illustrates the specific operation process of the first head of SM-MSA.
Meanwhile, we capture the clue information for nodes in the HMG from the document via C-MSA.
Since C-MSA can not only capture clue information for the reasoning process but also provide a path for nodes in the HMG to access their own original information, C-MSA can also alleviate the problem of over-smoothing \cite{c:5,c:6,c:7} in graph neural networks (GNN) and enable us to train deeper inference networks.
\begin{figure}[t]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=1.0 \columnwidth]{figure4-2.png}
\caption{
The illustration of a HMG.
(a) is the node feature matrix which consists of the feature vector of each node in HMG.
(b) shows the adjacency matrices of 6 homogeneous sub-graphs corresponding to the 6 types of edges in the HMG.
In SM-MSA, these adjacency matrices are regarded as mask matrices, called Structured Mask Matrix, to control the information propagation of self-attention on the corresponding sub-graphs.
}
\label{fig4}
\end{figure}
\subsection{Classification Module}
\label{sec2.3}
Through the I-Decoder module, we obtain a new node feature matrix $X'$ as follows:
\begin{equation}
X'= I{-}Decoder (X, E, H) ,
\end{equation}
\noindent where $X$ stands for a node feature matrix, $E$ stands for the adjacency matrices and $H$ is the contextual embeddings of each word in the document.
Then, we use a smooth version of max pooling, i.e. log-sumexp pooling \cite{c:119}, on the feature vectors of the mention nodes to obtain the contextual embedding of the entity $e_i$:
\begin{equation}
h_{e_i}=\log\sum_{j{\in}N_{e_i}}exp(X'_j) ,
\end{equation}
where $N_{e_i}$ is the mention set of the entity $e_i$.
The entity context embedding obtained through I-Decoder inference and pooling operation contains a lot of clue information.
However, for an entity pair, some clue information of the entities may not be relevant, that is, each entity pair may have specific clue information.
Therefore, we generate a specific clue feature $c_{s,o}$ for each entity pair through a filtering operation to remove the irrelevant clue information:
\begin{equation}
\begin{split}
c_{s,o}&=H \cdot a_{s,o} , \\
a_{s,o}&=softmax(A_s \odot A_o) , \\
A_{*}&=softmax(H \cdot h_{e_*})
\end{split}
\label{F:4}
\end{equation}
where $*\in \{s,o\}$, $\odot$ refers to element-wise multiplication, and $\cdot$ represents matrix multiplication.
Finally,we use bilinear function as our classifier module as follows:
\begin{equation}
\begin{split}
z_s&=\tanh(W_s[h_{e_s}, c_{s,o}, h_{doc}]) ,\\
z_o&=\tanh(W_o[h_{e_o}, c_{s,o}, h_{doc}]) ,\\
P(r|e_s,e_o)&=\sigma(z_s^T W_r z_o +b_r) ,
\end{split}
\end{equation}
where $W_s$, $W_o$, $W_r$, $b_r$ are model parameters, and $h_{doc}$ refers to the feature vector of the document node in $X'$, which can provide document information to assist relation prediction.
To alleviate the problem of unbalanced relationship distribution, we use adaptive-thresholding loss \cite{c:106} as our loss function, which learns an adaptive threshold for each entity pair.
Specifically, a $TH$ class is introduced to separate positive classes and negative classes: positive classes would have higher probabilities than $TH$, and negative classes would have lower probabilities than $TH$.
The adaptive-thresholding loss is formulated as follows:
\begin{equation}
\begin{split}
L_1&={-}\sum_{r{\in}P_D} \log \left(\frac{\exp(logit_r)}{\sum_{r'{\in}\{r,TH\}} exp(logit_{r'})}\right) ,\\
L_2&={-}\log \left(\frac{\exp(logit_{TH})}{\sum_{r'{\in}\{N_D,TH\}} exp(logit_{r'})} \right) ,\\
L&=L_1+L_2 ,
\end{split}
\end{equation}
where $P_D$ and $N_D$ are the positive classes set and negative classes set respectively.
\begin{figure}[t]
\centering
\includegraphics[width=0.85 \columnwidth]{figure5-1.png}
\caption{
An example illustrating the specific operation of the first head in SM-MSA.
}
\label{fig5}
\end{figure}
\section{Experiments}
\subsection{Datasets}
We conduct experiments on three document-level RE datasets to evaluate our NC-DRE model.
The statistics of the datasets could be found in Table~\ref{tab6}.
\begin{itemize}
\item \textbf{DocRED} \cite{c:105}:
DocRED is a large-scale human-annotated dataset for document-level RE, which is constructed from Wikipedia and Wikidata. DocRED contains 96 types of relations, 132,275 entities, and 56,354 relationship triples in total.
In DocRED, more than 40.7\% of relational facts can only be extracted from multiple sentences, and 61.1\% of relational triples require various reasoning skills such as logical inference.
We follow the standard split of the dataset, 3,053 documents for training, 1,000 for development and, 1,000 for the test.
\item \textbf{CDR} \cite{c:122}:
The Chemical-Disease Reactions dataset (CDR) consists of 1,500 PubMed abstracts, which are split into three equally sized sets for training, development, and testing.
CDR contains only two types of relationships and is aimed to predict the binary interactions between Chemical and Disease concepts.
\item \textbf{GDA} \cite{c:123}:
The Gene-Disease Associations dataset (GDA) is a large-scale biomedical dataset, which is constructed from MEDLINE abstracts by the method of distant supervision.
GDA contains 29,192 documents as the training set and 1,000 as the test set.
GDA is also a binary relation classification task and is aimed to identifies Gene and Disease concepts interactions.
We follow \cite{c:108} to divide the training set into two parts, 23,353 documents for training and 5,839 for development.
\end{itemize}
\begin{table}[t]
\centering
\setlength{\tabcolsep}{3.5mm}{
\begin{tabular}{lccc}
\toprule
Dataset & DocRED &CDR &GDA \\ [2pt] \toprule
Train &3053 &500 &23353 \\
Dev &1000 &500 &5839 \\
Test &1000 &500 &1000 \\
Relations &97 &2 &2 \\
Entities per Doc &19.5 &7.6 &5.4 \\
Mentions per Doc &26.2 &19.2 &18.5 \\
Entities per Sent &3.58 &2.48 &2.28 \\ \bottomrule
\end{tabular}}
\caption{\label{tab6} Summary of DocRED, CDR and GDA datasets.
}
\end{table}
\subsection{Experimental Settings}
Our model was implemented based on PyTorch and Huggingface's Transformers \cite{c:120}.
We use cased BERT-base \cite{c:124} as the encoder on DocRED and cased SciBERT-base \cite{c:126} on CDR and GDA.
We trained our NC-DRE model using AdamW \cite{c:127} with a linear warmup \cite{c:128} for the first 6\% steps followed by a linear decay to 0.
We set the learning rate to $\{2e{-}5, 3e{-}5, 5e{-}5, 1e{-}4, 1e{-}4\}$, and set different learning rates for the encoder module, the I-Decoder module, and the classifier module respectively.
We apply dropout\cite{c:2} between layers with rate 0.1, and clip the gradients of model parameters to a max norm of 1.0.
By default, we set the number of layers in our I-Decoder module to 4.
All of our hyperparameters were tuned on the development set, some of which are listed in Table~\ref{tab7}.
\subsection{Results on the DocRED Dataset}
On the DocRED Dataset, we choose the following two types of models as the baseline:
\begin{itemize}
\item \textbf{Graph-based Models}:
These models uses the GNN models \cite{c:153,c:117,c:154} to model long-distance dependencies and complete reasoning on document-level graphs, including GEDA \cite{c:129}, LSR \cite{c:130}, GLRE \cite{c:131}, GAIN \cite{c:118}, and HeterGSAN \cite{c:133}.
\item \textbf{Transformer-based Models}:
Considering the transformer architecture can implicitly model long-distance dependencies, this type of method directly use pre-trained language models without graph structures for document-level RE, including $\rm BERT$ \cite{c:133}, BERT-Two-Step \cite{c:134}, HIN-BERT \cite{c:111}, $\rm CorefBERT$ \cite{c:145}, and ATLOP-BERT \cite{c:106}.
\end{itemize}
Moreover, we also compared our model with the SIRE \cite{c:121} model, which is a recently proposed state-of-the-art model.
SIRE introduces two different methods to represent intra- and inter-sentential relations respectively and design a new and straightforward form of logical reasoning.
Following the previous work \cite{c:105}, we use $F_1$ and Ign$F_1$ as evaluation metrics to evaluate the performance of a model, where Ign$F_1$ denotes the $F_1$ score excluding the relational facts that are shared by the training and dev/test sets.
\begin{table}[t]
\centering
\setlength{\tabcolsep}{3.0mm}{
\begin{tabular}{lccc}
\toprule
Hyper-parameters & DocRED &CDR &GDA \\
& BERT &SciBERT &SciBERT \\ [2pt] \toprule
Batch size &8 &16 &16 \\
Epoch &100 &20 &5 \\
lr for encoder &3e-5 &2e-5 &2e-5 \\
lr for I-Decoder &1e-4 &5e-5 &5e-5 \\
lr for classifier &2e-4 &1e-4 &1e-4 \\
\bottomrule
\end{tabular}}
\caption{\label{tab7} Hyper-parameter Settings.}
\end{table}
\begin{table*}[th]
\centering
\begin{tabular}{lcccccc}
\toprule
Model & \multicolumn{4}{c}{Dev} & \multicolumn{2}{c}{Test} \\
& Ign$F_1$ & $F_1$ & Intra-$F1$ & Inter-$F1$ & Ign$F_1$ & $F_1$ \\ [2pt]\toprule
GEDA-BERT \cite{c:129} & 54.52 & 56.16 & - & - & 53.71 & 55.74 \\
LSR-BERT \cite{c:130} & 52.43 & 59.00 &65.26 &52.05 & 56.97 & 59.05 \\
GLRE-BERT \cite{c:131} & - & - & - & - & 55.40 & 57.40 \\
HeterGSAN-BERT \cite{c:133} & 58.13 & 60.18 & - & - & 57.12 & 59.45 \\
GAIN-BERT \cite{c:118} & 59.14 & 61.22 &67.10 &53.90 & 59.00 & 61.24 \\ [2pt] \toprule
BERT \cite{c:134} & - & 54.16 &61.61 &47.15 & - & 53.20 \\
BERT-Two-Step \cite{c:134} & - & 54.42 &61.80 &47.28 & - & 53.92 \\
HIN-BERT\cite{c:111} & 54.29 & 56.31 & - & - & 53.70 & 55.60 \\
CorefBERT\cite{c:145} & 55.32 & 57.51 & - & - & 54.54 & 56.96 \\
ATLOP-BERT\cite{c:106} & 59.22 & 61.09 & - & - & 59.31 & 61.30 \\
SIRE-BERT\cite{c:121} & 59.82 & 61.60 & 68.07 & 54.01 & 60.18 & 62.05 \\ [2pt] \toprule
NC-DRE-BERT & \textbf{60.84}($\pm$0.18) & \textbf{62.75}($\pm$0.16) & \textbf{68.58}($\pm$0.21) & \textbf{55.46}($\pm$0.10) & \textbf{60.59} & \textbf{62.73} \\ \bottomrule
\end{tabular}
\caption{\label{tab1}
Performance on the development and test set of DocRED.
We run experiments 5 times with different random seeds and report the
mean and standard deviation on the development set.
Results of all the baseline models come from \cite{c:106,c:121}.
The results for test set are obtained by submitting to the official Codalab.
}
\end{table*}
The performances of our NC-DRE model and the baseline models on the DocRED dataset are shown in Table~\ref{tab1}. We follow the reports of ATLOP \cite{c:106} and SIRE \cite{c:121} for the scores of these baseline models. The comparisons among all the models shows that our NC-DRE model outperforms the previous state-of-the-art models by \textbf{1.15/1.02} $F_1$/Ign$F_1$ on the dev set and \textbf{0.68/0.41} $F_1$/Ign$F1$ on the test set.
This demonstrates that our model has excellent overall performance.
Besides, comparing with the graph-based state-of-the-art model, the NC-DRE model outperforms the GAIN model by \textbf{1.53/1.70} $F_1$/Ign$F_1$ on the dev set and \textbf{1.49/1.59} $F_1$/Ign$F_1$ on the test set.
This demonstrates that non-entity clue information can significantly improve the reasoning ability of the graph-based models in document-level RE.
In addition, we follow GAIN \cite{c:118} and SIRE\cite{c:121} and report Intra-$F_1$ / Inter-$F_1$ scores in Table~\ref{tab1}, which only consider either intra- or inter-sentence relations respectively.
Intra-sentence relations could be easily recognized because two related entities appear in a single sentence.
However, identifying inter-sentence relationships is more difficult because related entities appears in different sentences and inference techniques are often required to identify such relationships.
Therefore, Inter-$F_1$ can better reflect the reasoning ability of the model.
We can observe that NC-DRE-BERT improves the Inter-$F_1$ score by \textbf{1.45} compared with the SIRE model.
The improvement on Inter-$F_1$ demonstrates that our NC-DRE model has excellent inference ability.
Moreover, the improvement on Inter-$F_1$ is greater than that on intra-$F_1$, which shows that the performance improvement of NC-DRE is mainly contributed by the improvement of inter-sentence relations.
\subsection{Results on the Biomedical Datasets}
On the two biomedical datasets, CDR and GDA, we compared our model with a large number of baseline models and the recent state-of-the-art models including BRAN \cite{c:136}, EoG \cite{c:108}, LSR \cite{c:130}, DHG \cite{c:138}, GLRE \cite{c:131}, SciBERT \cite{c:126}, and ATLOP \cite{c:106}.
And the experimental results are listed in Table~\ref{tab2}.
From Table~\ref{tab2}, we observe that our NC-DRE model respectively gets \textbf{72.05} $F_1$ and \textbf{85.80} $F_1$ scores on the CDR and GDA datasets, which outperforms the recent state-of-the-art model with \textbf{1.65} $F_1$ and \textbf{1.9} $F_1$.
This shows that our model has outstanding generalization ability in the field of biomedicine.
In general, graph-based document-level RE models are difficult to perform well on these two datasets.
On the one hand, CDR and GDA contain only two classes of relations, so little reasoning ability is required. On the other hand, samples in CDR and GDA contain few entities, which results in a small document-graph and limit the ability of GNNs.
However, our NC-DRE model still achieves excellent performance on both datasets.
The possible reason is that our NC-DRE model not only has excellent reasoning ability but also can obtain expressive entity representation through I-Decoder.
\subsection{Ablation Study}
We conducted ablation studies on the development set of the DocRED dataset to illustrate the effectiveness of different modules in our model.
We show the results in Table~\ref{tab3}.
\textbf{w/o C-MHA} removes the C-MHA module from our model, which leads to a drop of \textbf{1.14} $F_1$ score.
This shows that our C-MSA can effectively capture these clue information to significantly improve the inference ability of the model.
Furthermore, \textbf{w/o C-MHA} improves \textbf{0.26} $F_1$ compared with the GAIN model even without the aid of clue information, and GAIN contains a complex entity-level inference module while our model does not.
This demonstrates that our SM-MSA has better inference ability than the GNN models used by previous methods.
\textbf{w/o SM-MHA} replaces SM-MSA with standard MSA in our I-Dcoder, which results in a drop of \textbf{1.83} $F_1$ score.
This demonstrates that our SM-MSA can significantly improve the reasoning ability of MSA on heterogeneous graphs.
\textbf{w/o I-Decoder} removes the I-Decoder module from our NC-DRE model, which leads to a great drop of \textbf{3.60} $F_1$ score.
This shows that our C-MSA and SM-MSA can greatly improve the performance of our base model.
Observing the results of the above ablation experiments, we can find that our C-MSA and SM-MSA can complementarily improve the performance of document-level RE models.
\begin{table}[]
\centering
\begin{tabular}{p{3.7cm}cc}
\toprule
Model & CDR & GDA \\ [2pt] \toprule
BRAN \citep{c:136} & 62.1 & - \\
EoG \citep{c:108} & 63.6 & 81.5 \\
LSR \citep{c:130} & 64.8 & 82.2 \\
DHG \citep{c:138} & 65.9 & 83.1 \\
GLRE \citep{c:131} & 68.5 & - \\
SciBERT \citep{c:126} & 65.1 & 82.5 \\
ATLOP-SciBERT\citep{c:106} & 69.4 & 83.9 \\ [2pt] \toprule
NC-DRE-SciBERT & \textbf{72.05$(\pm0.52)$} & \textbf{85.80$(\pm0.20)$} \\
\bottomrule
\end{tabular}
\caption{\label{tab2}$F_1$ scores on the test sets of CDR and GDA.
The scores of all the baseline models come from \cite{c:106}.
}
\end{table}
\subsection{Analysis \& Discussion}
In this section, we will further discuss and analyze our NC-DRE model from two aspects: (1) the number of layers in the I-Decoder module, and (2) the inference performance.
Table~\ref{tab4} shows the performance of the NC-DRE model with different number of layers in the I-Decoder module.
We can find that increasing the number of layers from 1 to 2 improves the model performance by \textbf{1.02} $F_1$ score.
There are two possible reasons: (1) increasing the number of layers can improve the multi-hop reasoning ability of our NC-DRE model, (2) the NC-DRE model with more layers can capture more clue information for the nodes in the HMG.
However, the performance of the model is slightly improved by \textbf{0.13} $F_1$ when the number of layers is increased from 2 to 4.
Therefore, a two-layer I-Decoder module is sufficient for general cases.
Furthermore, we find that our NC-DRE model with one layer of I-Decoder module achieves similar performance to the SIRE model, which reflects the powerful reasoning ability of our I-Decoder module.
\begin{table}[]
\centering
\setlength{\tabcolsep}{4.5mm}{
\begin{tabular}{lcc}
\toprule
Model & \multicolumn{2}{c}{Dev} \\
& Ign$F_1$ & $F_1$ \\ [2pt] \toprule
NC-DRE-BERT & \textbf{60.84} & \textbf{62.75} \\
w/o C-MHA & 59.66 & 61.48 \\
w/o SM-MHA & 59.19 & 60.92 \\
w/o I-Decoder & 57.18 & 59.15 \\ \bottomrule
\end{tabular}}
\caption{\label{tab3} Ablation study of NC-DRE on the development set of DocRED.
}
\end{table}
\begin{table}[]
\centering
\setlength{\tabcolsep}{5.5mm}{
\begin{tabular}{lcc}
\toprule
Layer-number & \multicolumn{2}{c}{Dev} \\
& Ign$F_1$ & $F_1$ \\ [2pt] \toprule
1-Layer & 59.68 & 61.6 \\
2-Layer & 60.79 &62.62 \\
4-Layer & \textbf{60.82} & \textbf{62.75} \\ \bottomrule
\end{tabular}}
\caption{\label{tab4} Performance of NC-DRE with different number of layers in the I-Decoder module on the development set of DocRED.}
\end{table}
Due to the over-smoothing problem, GNNs are generally set to two layers to obtain the best performance in document-level RE, e.g. GAIN \cite{c:118}.
However, our NC-DRE model that has I-Decoder with 4 layers can still achieve excellent performance, which shows that our model can well alleviate the problem of over-smoothing.
This may benefit from the C-MSA and residual connection in the I-Decoder.
To evaluate the inference ability of the models, we follow \cite{c:118,c:121} and report Infer-$F_1$ scores in table~\ref{tab5}, which only considers relations that engaged in the relational reasoning process.
We observe that our DRE-MIR model improves \textbf{1.45} Infer-$F_1$ compared with the GAIN model.
Moreover, removing the C-MSA module from our I-Dcoder results in a performance drop of \textbf{1.23} Infer-$F_1$, which demonstrates that clue information can improve the inference ability of the graph-based model.
Meanwhile, the performance of NC-DRE sharply drops by \textbf{5.11} Infer-$F_1$ score when removing the I-Decoder from our NC-DRE model.
This demonstrates that our I-Decoder module can greatly improve the inference ability of our base model.
\begin{table}[]
\centering
\begin{tabular}{p{3.5cm}ccc}
\toprule
Model & Infer-$F_1$ & P &R \\ [2pt] \toprule
GAIN-GloVe &40.82 & 32.76 &54.14 \\
SIRE-GloVe & 42.72 & 34.83 &55.22 \\ \toprule
BERT-RE & 39.62 & 34.12 &47.23 \\
RoBERTa-RE & 41.78 & 37.97 &46.45 \\
GAIN-$\rm BERT$ & 46.89 & 38.71 &59.45 \\[2pt] \toprule
NC-DRE-$\rm BERT$ & \textbf{48.34} & \textbf{40.23} & \textbf{60.55} \\
w/o C-MSA &47.11 &38.93 &59.65 \\
w/o I-Decoder &43.23 &37.03 &51.93 \\
\bottomrule
\end{tabular}
\caption{Infer-$F_1$ results on the development set of DocRED. P stands for Precision and R stands for Recall.
Results of all the baseline models come from \cite{c:118,c:121}.
}
\label{tab5}
\end{table}
\begin{figure}[t]
{
\setlength{\fboxsep}{0pt}\colorbox{white!0}{\parbox{0.45\textwidth}{
\colorbox{red!3.959018070250749}{\strut "Goodbyeee"}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut ,}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut or}
\colorbox{red!3.059018070250749}{\strut "Plan F : Goodbyeee"}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut ,}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut is}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut the}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut sixth}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut and}
\colorbox{red!7.759018070250749}{\strut final}
\colorbox{red!40.759018070250749}{\strut episode}
\colorbox{red!7.759018070250749}{\strut of}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut the}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut British}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut historical}
\colorbox{red!7.759018070250749}{\strut sitcom}
\colorbox{red!30.759018070250749}{\strut Blackadders}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut fourth}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut series}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut ,}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut entitled}
\colorbox{red!32.759018070250749}{\strut Blackadder}
\colorbox{red!30.7590180702507499}{\strut Goes}
\colorbox{red!28.759018070250749}{\strut Forth}
\colorbox{red!8.759018070250749}{\strut .}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut The}
\colorbox{red!45.759018070250749}{\strut episode}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut was}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut first}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut broadcast}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut on}
\colorbox{red!25.759018070250749}{\strut BBC1}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut in}
\colorbox{red!7.759018070250749}{\strut the}
\colorbox{red!33.759018070250749}{\strut United}
\colorbox{red!35.759018070250749}{\strut Kingdom}
\colorbox{red!6.759018070250749}{\strut on}
\colorbox{red!5.759018070250749}{\strut 2}
\colorbox{red!6.759018070250749}{\strut November}
\colorbox{red!4.759018070250749}{\strut 1989}
\colorbox{red!7.759018070250749}{\strut ,}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut shortly}
\colorbox{red!3.759018070250749}{\strut before}
\colorbox{red!12.759018070250749}{\strut Armistice}
\colorbox{red!10.759018070250749}{\strut Day}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut .}
\colorbox{red!1.759018070250749}{\strut (... 7 sentences ...).}
}}}
\caption{
The heatmap of the attention scores of entity pair (\textit{Blackadders, United Kingdom}) to words in the document, which shows that our NC-DRE mod can pay attention to clue words outside the mentions.
}
\label{fig2}
\end{figure}
\subsection{Case Study}
We choose the example shown in Figure~\ref{fig1} and conduct a case study to illustrate that the entity pairs generated by our I-Decoder module can pay attention to the clue information outside the mentions.
Figure~\ref{fig2} shows the heatmap of the attention scores of entity pair (\textit{Blackadders, United Kingdom}) to words in the document, i.e., $a_{s,o}$ in Formula (\ref{F:4}).
In fact, the attention score $a_{s,o}$ could be used to identify the clue words that both entity \textit{Blackadders} and entity \textit{United Kingdom} pay attention to together.
Three phenomena can be observed from Figure~\ref{fig2}. Firstly, the concerning entity pair can attend to their own mentions, such as \textit{Blackadders}, \textit{Blackadder Goes Forth}, and \textit{United Kingdom}.
This demonstrates that entities can access their original information through C-MSA to prevent over-smoothing in the process of inference.
Secondly, the concerning entity pair can pay attention to additional related entities, such as: \textit{BBC1} and \textit{Armistice Day}. Actually, these related entities may provide reasoning paths for predicting the relation between the concerning entity pair, such as $ Blackadders\stackrel{r_1}{\rightarrow}BBC1+BBC1\stackrel{r_2}{\rightarrow}United\ Kingdom \stackrel{Infence}{\Longrightarrow} Blackadders\stackrel{r_3}{\rightarrow}United$ $Kingdom$, where $r_1:original\ network$, $r_2:country$, and $r_3:country\ of\ origin$.
Thirdly, the concerning entity pair can well pay attention to important clue words outside the mentions, e.g. \textit{episode}. This phenomenon intuitively shows that our C-MSA mechanism can effectively capture clue information of the non-entity clue words.
\section{Related Work}
\subsection{Sentence-level RE}
Early research on RE focused on sentence-level RE, which predicts the relationship between two entities in a single sentence.
Many approaches \cite{c:139,c:140,c:142,c:143,c:144,c:145,c:146,c:147,c:148,c:149} have been proven to effectively solve this problem.
Since many relational facts in real applications can only be recognized across sentences, sentence-level RE face an inevitable restriction in practice.
\subsection{Document-level RE}
To solve the limitations of sentence-level RE in reality, a lot of recent work gradually shift their attention to document-level RE.
\noindent \textbf{Graph-based Methods}:
Since GCN can model long-distance dependence and complete logical reasoning, many excellent results have been achieved by recent graph-based models \cite{c:155,c:108,c:129,c:138,c:150,c:131,c:130,c:118,c:133}.
Specifically, they first build a graph structure from the input document and then apply the GNN to the graph to complete logical reasoning.
The Global Context-enhanced Graph Convolutional Networks (GCGCN) model was proposed by \cite{c:150}, and uses entities as nodes and context of entity pairs as edges between nodes to capture rich global context information of entities in a document.
The LSR model was proposed by \cite{c:130}. The LSR uses a variant of Matrix-Tree Theorem to generate task-specific dependency structures for capturing non-local interactions between entities. In addition, The LSR dynamically build the latent structure through an iterative refinement strategy, which allow the model to incrementally capture the complex interactions for better multi-hop reasoning.
The Graph Aggregation-and-Inference Network (GAIN) model was proposed by \cite{c:118}. The GAIN first constructs a heterogeneous mention-level graph (hMG) to model complex interaction among different mentions across the document, then apply the path reasoning mechanism on an entity-level graph (EG) to infer relations between entities.
The encoder-classifier-reconstructor (HeterGSAN) model was proposed by \cite{c:133}, which uses a reconstructor to model path dependency between the entity pairs with the ground-truth relationship.
\noindent \textbf{Transformer-based Methods}:
Because the pre-trained language model based on the transformer architecture can implicitly model long-distance dependence and complete logical reasoning, many recent studies \cite{c:111,c:106} directly applied pre-trained language models for document-level RE. The ATLOP \cite{c:106} model directly uses the pre-trained language model along with adaptive thresholding and localized context pooling techniques for document-level RE.
In addition, \cite{c:121} proposed the SIRE model, which represents intra- and inter-sentential relations in different ways, and design a new and straightforward form of logical reasoning.
Most of these works focus on the words in the mention to fully capture the entity information, while ignoring the important clue information outside the mention in the document.
So far, none of the models explicitly captures the clue word information to facilitate reasoning on the document-graph.
In this paper, we treat graph-based document-level RE models as a encoder-decoder framework, and introduce decoder-to-encoder attention mechanism to help the decoder capture more clue information, especially those non-entity clue information.
Furthermore, to further improve the reasoning ability of GNN, we propose the RM-MHA mechanism which models heterogeneous document-graphs more effectively by self-attention mechanism.
Furthermore, our work is inspired by recent standard Transformer
architecture based GNN works on graph representation tasks \cite{c:1,c:3,c:4}.
Dwivedi et al. \cite{c:3} revisit a series of works for Transformer-based GNNs, and propose to use Laplacian eigenvector as positional encoding.
And, their model GT surpasses baseline GNNs on graph representation task.
A concurrent work \cite{c:4} propose a novel full Laplacian spectrum to learn the position of each node in a graph, and empirically shows better results than GT.
\cite{c:1} proposes a Graformer model and several simple yet effective structural encoding methods to help Graphormer better model graph-structured data.
Meanwhile, Graformer attain excellent results on a broad range of graph representation learning tasks.
However, our MS-MSA directly models sparse heterogeneous graphs instead of using fully connected graphs for approximation, which makes our model more straight and efficient.
Specifically, we first decompose the heterogeneous graph into multiple homogeneous sub-graphs, and model each homogeneous sub-graph with a self-attention mechanism and a specific mask matrix.
\section{Conclusion \& Future Work}
In this paper, we treat the graph-based models in document-level RE as an encoder-decoder framework and propose a novel graph-based model called NC-DRE for document-level RE, which features two core modules: SM-MSA and C-MSA.
Specifically, SM-MSA uses the self-attention mechanism to model heterogeneous document-graphs and has better reasoning ability than the naive GNNs.
Meanwhile, C-MSA is a decoder-to-encoder attention mechanism that can capture more clue information, especially the non-entity clue information, for improving the reasoning of the model.
We conduct experiments on three public document-level RE datasets and the experimental results demonstrate that
our NC-DRE model significantly outperforms the existing models and yields the new state-of-the-art results on all the datasets.
Moreover, further analysis demonstrates that our NC-DRE model can effectively capture non-entity clue information during the inference process, and has excellent interpretability.
In the future, we will try to use our model for other relation extraction tasks, such as dialogue relation extraction and sentence-level relation extraction.
\clearpage
\bibliographystyle{ACM-Reference-Format}
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{"url":"https:\/\/math.libretexts.org\/Bookshelves\/Differential_Equations\/Introduction_to_Partial_Differential_Equations_(Herman)\/12%3A_B_-_Ordinary_Differential_Equations_Review\/12.03%3A_Forced_Systems","text":"Skip to main content\n\n# 12.3: Forced Systems\n\n\nMany problems can be modeled by nonhomogeneous second order equations. Thus, we want to find solutions of equations of the form $\\text { Ly }(x)=a(x) y^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+b(x) y^{\\prime}(x)+c(x) y(x)=f(x) .\\label{eq:1}$ As noted in Section 12.2, one solves this equation by finding the general solution of the homogeneous problem, $L y_{h}=0\\nonumber$ and a particular solution of the nonhomogeneous problem, $L y_{p}=f .\\nonumber$ Then, the general solution of (12.2.1) is simply given as $$y=y_{h}+y_{p}$$\n\nSo far, we only know how to solve constant coefficient, homogeneous equations. So, by adding a nonhomogeneous term to such equations we will need to find the particular solution to the nonhomogeneous equation.\n\nWe could guess a solution, but that is not usually possible without a little bit of experience. So, we need some other methods. There are two main methods. In the first case, the Method of Undetermined Coefficients, one makes an intelligent guess based on the form of $$f(x)$$. In the second method, one can systematically developed the particular solution. We will come back to the Method of Variation of Parameters and we will also introduce the powerful machinery of Green\u2019s functions later in this section.\n\n## Method of Undetermined Coefficients\n\nLet's solve a simple differential equation highlighting how we can handle nonhomogeneous equations.\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{1}$$\n\nConsider the equation $y^{\\prime \\prime}+2 y^{\\prime}-3 y=4 \\text {. }\\label{eq:2}$\n\n###### Solution\n\nThe first step is to determine the solution of the homogeneous equation. Thus, we solve $y_{h}^{\\prime \\prime}+2 y_{h}^{\\prime}-3 y_{h}=0 .\\label{eq:3}$ The characteristic equation is $$r^{2}+2 r-3=0$$. The roots are $$r=1,-3$$. So, we can immediately write the solution $y_{h}(x)=c_{1} e^{x}+c_{2} e^{-3 x} .\\nonumber$\n\nThe second step is to find a particular solution of $$\\eqref{eq:2}$$. What possible function can we insert into this equation such that only a 4 remains? If we try something proportional to $$x$$, then we are left with a linear function after inserting $$x$$ and its derivatives. Perhaps a constant function you might think. $$y=4$$ does not work. But, we could try an arbitrary constant, $$y=A$$.\n\nLet\u2019s see. Inserting $$y=A$$ into $$\\eqref{eq:2}$$, we obtain $-3 A=4 \\text {. }\\nonumber$ Ah ha! We see that we can choose $$A=-\\frac{4}{3}$$ and this works. So, we have a particular solution, $$y_{p}(x)=-\\frac{4}{3}$$. This step is done.\n\nCombining the two solutions, we have the general solution to the original nonhomogeneous equation $$\\eqref{eq:2}$$. Namely, $y(x)=y_{h}(x)+y_{p}(x)=c_{1} e^{x}+c_{2} e^{-3 x}-\\frac{4}{3} .\\nonumber$ Insert this solution into the equation and verify that it is indeed a solution. If we had been given initial conditions, we could now use them to determine the arbitrary constants.\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{2}$$\n\nWhat if we had a different source term? Consider the equation $y^{\\prime \\prime}+2 y^{\\prime}-3 y=4 x .\\label{eq:4}$ The only thing that would change is the particular solution. So, we need a guess.\n\n###### Solution\n\nWe know a constant function does not work by the last example. So, let\u2019s try $$y_{p}=A x$$. Inserting this function into Equation $$\\eqref{eq:4}$$, we obtain $2 A-3 A x=4 x \\text {. }\\nonumber$ Picking $$A=-4 \/ 3$$ would get rid of the $$x$$ terms, but will not cancel everything. We still have a constant left. So, we need something more general.\n\nLet\u2019s try a linear function, $$y_{p}(x)=A x+B$$. Then we get after substitution into $$\\eqref{eq:4}$$ $2 A-3(A x+B)=4 x \\text {. }\\nonumber$ Equating the coefficients of the different powers of $$x$$ on both sides, we find a system of equations for the undetermined coefficients: \\begin{align} 2 A-3 B &=0\\nonumber \\\\ -3 A &=4 .\\label{eq:5} \\end{align} These are easily solved to obtain \\begin{align} A &=-\\frac{4}{3}\\nonumber \\\\ B &=\\frac{2}{3} A=-\\frac{8}{9} .\\label{eq:6} \\end{align} So, the particular solution is $y_{p}(x)=-\\frac{4}{3} x-\\frac{8}{9}\\nonumber$ This gives the general solution to the nonhomogeneous problem as $y(x)=y_{h}(x)+y_{p}(x)=c_{1} e^{x}+c_{2} e^{-3 x}-\\frac{4}{3} x-\\frac{8}{9} .\\nonumber$\n\nThere are general forms that you can guess based upon the form of the driving term, $$f(x)$$. Some examples are given in Table $$\\PageIndex{1}$$. More general applications are covered in a standard text on differential equations. However, the procedure is simple. Given $$f(x)$$ in a particular form, you make an appropriate guess up to some unknown parameters, or coefficients. Inserting the guess leads to a system of equations for the unknown coefficients. Solve the system and you have the solution. This solution is then added to the general solution of the homogeneous differential equation.\n\nTable $$\\PageIndex{1}$$: Forms used in the Method of Undetermined Coefficients.\n$$f(x)$$ Guess\n$$a_{n} x^{n}+a_{n-1} x^{n-1}+\\cdots+a_{1} x+a_{0}$$ $$A_{n} x^{n}+A_{n-1} x^{n-1}+\\cdots+A_{1} x+A_{0}$$\n$$a e^{b x}$$ $$A e^{b x}$$\n$$a \\cos \\omega x+b \\sin \\omega x$$ $$A \\cos \\omega x+B \\sin \\omega x$$\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{3}$$\n\nSolve $y^{\\prime \\prime}+2 y^{\\prime}-3 y=2 e^{-3 x} \\text {. }\\label{eq:7}$\n\n###### Solution\n\nAccording to the above, we would guess a solution of the form $$y_{p}=A e^{-3 x}$$. Inserting our guess, we find $0=2 e^{-3 x} \\text {. }\\nonumber$ Oops! The coefficient, $$A$$, disappeared! We cannot solve for it. What went wrong?\n\nThe answer lies in the general solution of the homogeneous problem. Note that $$e^{x}$$ and $$e^{-3 x}$$ are solutions to the homogeneous problem. So, a multiple of $$e^{-3 x}$$ will not get us anywhere. It turns out that there is one further modification of the method. If the driving term contains terms that are solutions of the homogeneous problem, then we need to make a guess consisting of the smallest possible power of $$x$$ times the function which is no longer a solution of the homogeneous problem. Namely, we guess $$y_{p}(x)=A x e^{-3 x}$$ and differentiate this guess to obtain the derivatives $$y_{p}^{\\prime}=A(1-3 x) e^{-3 x}$$ and $$y_{p}^{\\prime \\prime}=A(9 x-6) e^{-3 x}$$.\n\nInserting these derivatives into the differential equation, we obtain $[(9 x-6)+2(1-3 x)-3 x] A e^{-3 x}=2 e^{-3 x} .\\nonumber$ Comparing coefficients, we have $-4 A=2 \\text {. }\\nonumber$ So, $$A=-1 \/ 2$$ and $$y_{p}(x)=-\\frac{1}{2} x e^{-3 x}$$. Thus, the solution to the problem is $y(x)=\\left(2-\\frac{1}{2} x\\right) e^{-3 x} .\\nonumber$\n\n##### Modified Method of Undetermined Coefficients\n\nIn general, if any term in the guess $$y_{p}(x)$$ is a solution of the homogeneous equation, then multiply the guess by $$x^{k}$$, where $$k$$ is the smallest positive integer such that no term in $$x^{k} y_{p}(x)$$ is a solution of the homogeneous problem.\n\n## Periodically Forced Oscillations\n\nA special type of forcing is periodic forcing. Realistic oscillations will dampen and eventually stop if left unattended. For example, mechanical clocks are driven by compound or torsional pendula and electric oscillators are often designed with the need to continue for long periods of time. However, they are not perpetual motion machines and will need a periodic injection of energy. This can be done systematically by adding periodic forcing. Another simple example is the motion of a child on a swing in the park. This simple damped pendulum system will naturally slow down to equilibrium (stopped) if left alone. However, if the child pumps energy into the swing at the right time, or if an adult pushes the child at the right time, then the amplitude of the swing can be increased.\n\nThere are other systems, such as airplane wings and long bridge spans, in which external driving forces might cause damage to the system. A well know example is the wind induced collapse of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge due to strong winds. Of course, if one is not careful, the child in the last example might get too much energy pumped into the system causing a similar failure of the desired motion.\n\n##### Note\n\nThe Tacoma Narrows Bridge opened in Washington State (U.S.) in mid $$1940 .$$ However, in November of the same year the winds excited a transverse mode of vibration, which eventually (in a few hours) lead to large amplitude oscillations and then collapse.\n\nWhile there are many types of forced systems, and some fairly complicated, we can easily get to the basic characteristics of forced oscillations by modifying the mass-spring system by adding an external, time-dependent, driving force. Such as system satisfies the equation $m \\ddot{x}+b(x)+k x=F(t),\\label{eq:8}$ where $$m$$ is the mass, $$b$$ is the damping constant, $$k$$ is the spring constant, and $$F(t)$$ is the driving force. If $$F(t)$$ is of simple form, then we can employ the Method of Undetermined Coefficients. Since the systems we have considered so far are similar, one could easily apply the following to pendula or circuits.\n\nAs the damping term only complicates the solution, we will consider the simpler case of undamped motion and assume that $$b=0$$. Furthermore, we will introduce a sinusoidal driving force, $$F(t)=F_{0} \\cos \\omega t$$ in order to study periodic forcing. This leads to the simple periodically driven mass on a spring system $m \\ddot{x}+k x=F_{0} \\cos \\omega t .\\label{eq:9}$\n\nIn order to find the general solution, we first obtain the solution to the homogeneous problem, $x_{h}=c_{1} \\cos \\omega_{0} t+c_{2} \\sin \\omega_{0} t\\nonumber$ where $$\\omega_{0}=\\sqrt{\\frac{k}{m}}$$. Next, we seek a particular solution to the nonhomogeneous problem. We will apply the Method of Undetermined Coefficients.\n\nA natural guess for the particular solution would be to use $$x_{p}=A \\cos \\omega t+$$ $$B \\sin \\omega t$$. However, recall that the guess should not be a solution of the homogeneous problem. Comparing $$x_{p}$$ with $$x_{h}$$, this would hold if $$\\omega \\neq \\omega_{0}$$. Otherwise, one would need to use the Modified Method of Undetermined Coefficients as described in the last section. So, we have two cases to consider.\n\n##### Note\n\nDividing through by the mass, we solve the simple driven system, $\\ddot{x}+\\omega_{0}^{2} x=\\frac{F_{0}}{m} \\cos \\omega t .\\nonumber$\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{4}$$\n\nSolve $$\\ddot{x}+\\omega_{0}^{2} x=\\frac{F_{0}}{m} \\cos \\omega t$$, for $$\\omega \\neq \\omega_{0}$$.\n\n###### Solution\n\nIn this case we continue with the guess $$x_{p}=A \\cos \\omega t+B$$ sinct. Since there is no damping term, one quickly finds that $$B=0$$. Inserting $$x_{p}=A \\cos \\omega t$$ into the differential equation, we find that $\\left(-\\omega^{2}+\\omega_{0}^{2}\\right) A \\cos \\omega t=\\frac{F_{0}}{m} \\cos \\omega t .\\nonumber$ Solving for $$A$$, we obtain $A=\\frac{F_{0}}{m\\left(\\omega_{0}^{2}-\\omega^{2}\\right)} \\text {. }\\nonumber$\n\nThe general solution for this case is thus, $x(t)=c_{1} \\cos \\omega_{0} t+c_{2} \\sin \\omega_{0} t+\\frac{F_{0}}{m\\left(\\omega_{0}^{2}-\\omega^{2}\\right)} \\cos \\omega t .\\label{eq:10}$\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{5}$$\n\nSolve $$\\ddot{x}+\\omega_{0}^{2} x=\\frac{F_{0}}{m} \\cos \\omega_{0} t$$.\n\n###### Solution\n\nIn this case, we need to employ the Modified Method of Undetermined Coefficients. So, we make the guess $$x_p = t(A \\cos\\omega_0 t + B \\sin\\omega_0 t)$$. Since there is no damping term, one finds that $$A = 0$$. Inserting the guess in to the differential equation, we find that $B=\\frac{F_0}{2m\\omega_0},\\nonumber$ or the general solution is $x(t)=c_1\\cos\\omega_0t+c_2\\sin\\omega_0t+\\frac{F_0}{2m\\omega}t\\sin\\omega t.\\label{eq:11}$\n\nThe general solution to the problem is thus $x(t)=c_{1} \\cos \\omega_{0} t+c_{2} \\sin \\omega_{0} t+\\left\\{\\begin{array}{c} \\frac{F_{0}}{m\\left(\\omega_{0}^{2}-\\omega^{2}\\right)} \\cos \\omega t \\\\ \\frac{F_{0}}{2 m \\omega_{0}} t \\sin \\omega_{0} t \\end{array} \\omega=\\omega_{0},\\right.\\label{eq:12}$\n\nSpecial cases of these solutions provide interesting physics, which can be explored by the reader in the homework. In the case that $$\\omega=\\omega_{0}$$, we see that the solution tends to grow as $$t$$ gets large. This is what is called a resonance. Essentially, one is driving the system at its natural frequency. As the system is moving to the left, one pushes it to the left. If it is moving to the right, one is adding energy in that direction. This forces the amplitude of oscillation to continue to grow until the system breaks. An example of such an oscillation is shown in Figure $$\\PageIndex{2}$$.\n\nIn the case that $$\\omega \\neq \\omega_{0}$$, one can rewrite the solution in a simple form. Let's choose the initial conditions that $$c_{1}=-F_{0} \/\\left(m\\left(\\omega_{0}^{2}-\\omega^{2}\\right)\\right), c_{2}=0$$. Then one has (see Problem ??) $x(t)=\\frac{2 F_{0}}{m\\left(\\omega_{0}^{2}-\\omega^{2}\\right)} \\sin \\frac{\\left(\\omega_{0}-\\omega\\right) t}{2} \\sin \\frac{\\left(\\omega_{0}+\\omega\\right) t}{2} .\\label{eq:13}$ For values of $$\\omega$$ near $$\\omega_{0}$$, one finds the solution consists of a rapid oscillation, due to the $$\\sin \\frac{\\left(\\omega_{0}+\\omega\\right) t}{2}$$ factor, with a slowly varying amplitude, $$\\frac{2 F_{0}}{m\\left(\\omega_{0}^{2}-\\omega^{2}\\right)} \\sin \\frac{\\left(\\omega_{0}-\\omega\\right) t}{2}$$. The reader can investigate this solution.\n\nThis slow variation is called a beat and the beat frequency is given by $$f=$$ $$\\frac{\\left|\\omega_{0}-\\omega\\right|}{4 \\pi}$$. In Figure $$\\PageIndex{3}$$ we see the high frequency oscillations are contained by the lower beat frequency, $$f=\\frac{0.15}{4 \\pi} \\mathrm{s}$$. This corresponds to a period of $$T=1 \/ f \\approx 83.7 \\mathrm{~Hz}$$, which looks about right from the figure.\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{6}$$\n\nSolve $$\\ddot{x}+x=2 \\cos \\omega t, x(0)=0, \\dot{x}(0)=0$$, for $$\\omega=1,1.15$$.\n\n###### Solution\n\nFor each case, we need the solution of the homogeneous problem, $x_{h}(t)=c_{1} \\cos t+c_{2} \\sin t .\\nonumber$ The particular solution depends on the value of $$\\omega$$.\n\nFor $$\\omega=1$$, the driving term, $$2 \\cos \\omega t$$, is a solution of the homogeneous problem. Thus, we assume $x_{p}(t)=A t \\cos t+B t \\sin t .\\nonumber$ Inserting this into the differential equation, we find $$A=0$$ and $$B=1$$. So, the general solution is $x(t)=c_{1} \\cos t+c_{2} \\sin t+t \\sin t .\\nonumber$ Imposing the initial conditions, we find $x(t)=t \\sin t .\\nonumber$ This solution is shown in Figure $$\\PageIndex{4}$$.\n\nFor $$\\omega=1.15$$, the driving term, $$2 \\cos \\omega 1.15 t$$, is not a solution of the homogeneous problem. Thus, we assume $x_{p}(t)=A \\cos 1.15 t+B \\sin 1.15 t .\\nonumber$ Inserting this into the differential equation, we find $$A=-\\frac{800}{129}$$ and $$B=0$$. So, the general solution is $x(t)=c_{1} \\cos t+c_{2} \\sin t-\\frac{800}{129} \\cos t .\\nonumber$ Imposing the initial conditions, we find $x(t)=\\frac{800}{129}(\\cos t-\\cos 1.15 t) .\\nonumber$\n\nThis solution is shown in Figure $$\\PageIndex{5}$$. The beat frequency in this case is the same as with Figure $$\\PageIndex{3}$$.\n\n## Method of Variation of Parameters\n\nA more systematic way to find particular solutions is through the use of the Method of Variation of Parameters. The derivation is a little detailed and the solution is sometimes messy, but the application of the method is straight forward if you can do the required integrals. We will first derive the needed equations and then do some examples.\n\nWe begin with the nonhomogeneous equation. Let\u2019s assume it is of the standard form $a(x) y^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+b(x) y^{\\prime}(x)+c(x) y(x)=f(x) .\\label{eq:14}$ We know that the solution of the homogeneous equation can be written in terms of two linearly independent solutions, which we will call $$y_{1}(x)$$ and $$y_{2}(x)$$ : $y_{h}(x)=c_{1} y_{1}(x)+c_{2} y_{2}(x) .\\nonumber$\n\nReplacing the constants with functions, then we no longer have a solution to the homogeneous equation. Is it possible that we could stumble across the right functions with which to replace the constants and somehow end up with $$f(x)$$ when inserted into the left side of the differential equation? It turns out that we can.\n\nSo, let\u2019s assume that the constants are replaced with two unknown functions, which we will call $$c_1(x)$$ and $$c_2(x)$$. This change of the parameters is where the name of the method derives. Thus, we are assuming that a particular solution takes the form $y_{p}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x) .\\label{eq:15}$ If this is to be a solution, then insertion into the differential equation should make the equation hold. To do this we will first need to compute some derivatives.\n\n##### Note\n\nWe assume the nonhomogeneous equation has a particular solution of the form $y_{p}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x) .\\nonumber$\n\nThe first derivative is given by $y_{p}^{\\prime}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}(x) .\\label{eq:16}$ Next we will need the second derivative. But, this will yield eight terms. So, we will first make a simplifying assumption. Let\u2019s assume that the last two terms add to zero: $c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}(x)=0 .\\label{eq:17}$ It turns out that we will get the same results in the end if we did not assume this. The important thing is that it works!\n\nUnder the assumption the first derivative simplifies to $y_{p}^{\\prime}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x) .\\label{eq:18}$ The second derivative now only has four terms: $y_{p}^{\\prime}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x) .\\label{eq:19}$\n\nNow that we have the derivatives, we can insert the guess into the differential equation. Thus, we have \\begin{align} f(x)=& a(x)\\left[c_{1}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)\\right]\\nonumber \\\\ &+b(x)\\left[c_{1}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)\\right]\\nonumber \\\\ &+c(x)\\left[c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x)\\right] .\\label{eq:20} \\end{align}\n\nRegrouping the terms, we obtain \\begin{align} f(x)=& c_{1}(x)\\left[a(x) y_{1}^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+b(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c(x) y_{1}(x)\\right]\\nonumber \\\\ &+c_{2}(x)\\left[a(x) y_{2}^{\\prime \\prime}(x)+b(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)+c(x) y_{2}(x)\\right]\\nonumber \\\\ &+a(x)\\left[c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)\\right] .\\label{eq:21} \\end{align} Note that the first two rows vanish since $$y_{1}$$ and $$y_{2}$$ are solutions of the homogeneous problem. This leaves the equation $f(x)=a(x)\\left[c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)\\right],\\nonumber$ which can be rearranged as $c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)=\\frac{f(x)}{a(x)} .\\label{eq:22}$\n\n##### Note\n\nIn order to solve the differential equation $$L y=f$$, we assume $y_{p}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x),\\nonumber$ for $$L y_{1,2}=0 .$$ Then, one need only solve a simple system of equations $$\\eqref{eq:23}$$.\n\nIn summary, we have assumed a particular solution of the form $y_{p}(x)=c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x) .\\nonumber$ This is only possible if the unknown functions $$c_{1}(x)$$ and $$c_{2}(x)$$ satisfy the system of equations \\begin{align} &c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}(x)=0\\nonumber \\\\ &c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) y_{1}^{\\prime}(x)+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) y_{2}^{\\prime}(x)=\\frac{f(x)}{a(x)}\\label{eq:23} \\end{align}\n\nIt is standard to solve this system for the derivatives of the unknown functions and then present the integrated forms. However, one could just as easily start from this system and solve the system for each problem encountered.\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{7}$$\n\nFind the general solution of the nonhomogeneous problem: $$y^{\\prime \\prime}-$$ $$y=e^{2 x}$$.\n\n###### Solution\n\nThe general solution to the homogeneous problem $$y_{h}^{\\prime \\prime}-y_{h}=0$$ is $y_{h}(x)=c_{1} e^{x}+c_{2} e^{-x} .\\nonumber$\n\nIn order to use the Method of Variation of Parameters, we seek a solution of the form $y_{p}(x)=c_{1}(x) e^{x}+c_{2}(x) e^{-x} .\\nonumber$ We find the unknown functions by solving the system in $$\\eqref{eq:23}$$, which in this case becomes \\begin{align} &c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) e^{x}+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) e^{-x}=0\\nonumber \\\\ &c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) e^{x}-c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) e^{-x}=e^{2 x} .\\label{eq:24} \\end{align}\n\nAdding these equations we find that $2 c_{1}^{\\prime} e^{x}=e^{2 x} \\rightarrow c_{1}^{\\prime}=\\frac{1}{2} e^{x}\\nonumber$ Solving for $$c_{1}(x)$$ we find $c_{1}(x)=\\frac{1}{2} \\int e^{x} d x=\\frac{1}{2} e^{x} .\\nonumber$\n\nSubtracting the equations in the system yields $2 c_{2}^{\\prime} e^{-x}=-e^{2 x} \\rightarrow c_{2}^{\\prime}=-\\frac{1}{2} e^{3 x}\\nonumber$ Thus, $c_{2}(x)=-\\frac{1}{2} \\int e^{3 x} d x=-\\frac{1}{6} e^{3 x} .\\nonumber$\n\nThe particular solution is found by inserting these results into $$y_{p}$$ : \\begin{align} y_{p}(x) &=c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x)\\nonumber \\\\ &=\\left(\\frac{1}{2} e^{x}\\right) e^{x}+\\left(-\\frac{1}{6} e^{3 x}\\right) e^{-x}\\nonumber \\\\ &=\\frac{1}{3} e^{2 x}\\label{eq:25} \\end{align} Thus, we have the general solution of the nonhomogeneous problem as $y(x)=c_{1} e^{x}+c_{2} e^{-x}+\\frac{1}{3} e^{2 x} .\\nonumber$\n\n##### Example $$\\PageIndex{8}$$\n\nNow consider the problem: $$y^{\\prime \\prime}+4 y=\\sin x$$.\n\n###### Solution\n\nThe solution to the homogeneous problem is $y_{h}(x)=c_{1} \\cos 2 x+c_{2} \\sin 2 x \\text {. }\\label{eq:26}$\n\nWe now seek a particular solution of the form $y_{h}(x)=c_{1}(x) \\cos 2 x+c_{2}(x) \\sin 2 x .\\nonumber$ We let $$y_{1}(x)=\\cos 2 x$$ and $$y_{2}(x)=\\sin 2 x, a(x)=1, f(x)=\\sin x$$ in system $$\\eqref{eq:23}$$: \\begin{align} c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) \\cos 2 x+c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) \\sin 2 x &=0\\nonumber \\\\ -2 c_{1}^{\\prime}(x) \\sin 2 x+2 c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) \\cos 2 x &=\\sin x .\\label{eq:27} \\end{align}\n\nNow, use your favorite method for solving a system of two equations and two unknowns. In this case, we can multiply the first equation by $$2 \\sin 2 x$$ and the second equation by $$\\cos 2 x$$. Adding the resulting equations will eliminate the $$c_{1}^{\\prime}$$ terms. Thus, we have $c_{2}^{\\prime}(x)=\\frac{1}{2} \\sin x \\cos 2 x=\\frac{1}{2}\\left(2 \\cos ^{2} x-1\\right) \\sin x .\\nonumber$ Inserting this into the first equation of the system, we have $c_{1}^{\\prime}(x)=-c_{2}^{\\prime}(x) \\frac{\\sin 2 x}{\\cos 2 x}=-\\frac{1}{2} \\sin x \\sin 2 x=-\\sin ^{2} x \\cos x \\text {. }\\nonumber$\n\nThese can easily be solved: $\\begin{gathered} c_{2}(x)=\\frac{1}{2} \\int\\left(2 \\cos ^{2} x-1\\right) \\sin x d x=\\frac{1}{2}\\left(\\cos x-\\frac{2}{3} \\cos ^{3} x\\right) . \\\\ c_{1}(x)=-\\int \\sin ^{x} \\cos x d x=-\\frac{1}{3} \\sin ^{3} x . \\end{gathered}$\n\nThe final step in getting the particular solution is to insert these functions into $$y_{p}(x)$$. This gives \\begin{align} y_{p}(x) &=c_{1}(x) y_{1}(x)+c_{2}(x) y_{2}(x)\\nonumber \\\\ &=\\left(-\\frac{1}{3} \\sin ^{3} x\\right) \\cos 2 x+\\left(\\frac{1}{2} \\cos x-\\frac{1}{3} \\cos ^{3} x\\right) \\sin x\\nonumber \\\\ &=\\frac{1}{3} \\sin x .\\label{eq:28} \\end{align}\n\nSo, the general solution is $y(x)=c_{1} \\cos 2 x+c_{2} \\sin 2 x+\\frac{1}{3} \\sin x .\\label{eq:29}$\n\nThis page titled 12.3: Forced Systems is shared under a CC BY-NC-SA 3.0 license and was authored, remixed, and\/or curated by Russell Herman via source content that was edited to the style and standards of the LibreTexts platform; a detailed edit history is available upon request.\n\n\u2022 Was this article helpful?","date":"2023-04-02 11:35:24","metadata":"{\"extraction_info\": {\"found_math\": true, \"script_math_tex\": 0, \"script_math_asciimath\": 0, \"math_annotations\": 0, \"math_alttext\": 0, \"mathml\": 0, \"mathjax_tag\": 0, \"mathjax_inline_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_display_tex\": 1, \"mathjax_asciimath\": 0, \"img_math\": 0, \"codecogs_latex\": 0, \"wp_latex\": 0, \"mimetex.cgi\": 0, \"\/images\/math\/codecogs\": 0, \"mathtex.cgi\": 0, \"katex\": 0, \"math-container\": 0, \"wp-katex-eq\": 0, \"align\": 8, \"equation\": 0, \"x-ck12\": 0, \"texerror\": 0, \"math_score\": 0.9797402620315552, \"perplexity\": 203.7078529624725}, \"config\": {\"markdown_headings\": true, \"markdown_code\": true, \"boilerplate_config\": {\"ratio_threshold\": 0.18, \"absolute_threshold\": 10, \"end_threshold\": 15, \"enable\": false}, \"remove_buttons\": true, \"remove_image_figures\": true, \"remove_link_clusters\": true, \"table_config\": {\"min_rows\": 2, \"min_cols\": 3, \"format\": \"plain\"}, \"remove_chinese\": true, \"remove_edit_buttons\": true, \"extract_latex\": true}, \"warc_path\": \"s3:\/\/commoncrawl\/crawl-data\/CC-MAIN-2023-14\/segments\/1679296950528.96\/warc\/CC-MAIN-20230402105054-20230402135054-00441.warc.gz\"}"} | null | null |
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\section{Introduction}
The quasi-2D compound Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ is one of the few established cases of triplet superconductivity \cite{mackenzie:03,maeno:12}. This assignment follows from experimental facts like the absence of Knight shift \cite{ishida:98,ishida:01}, presence of a spontaneous condensate moment (time reversal symmetry breaking) \cite{luke:98,Gradhand:2013}, evidence for a superconducting two component order parameter \cite{kealey:00} and the absence of a Hebel-Slichter peak \cite{ishida:97}. The unconventional nature of the order parameter is also witnessed by field-angular resolved specific heat \cite{deguchi:04} and thermal conductivity \cite{izawa:01} investigations in the vortex phase. These results imply a multiband nodal triplet superconducting order parameter \cite{deguchi:04a}.
The conduction band structure is formed by the three $t_{2g}$ orbitals of $xz,yz$ and $xy$ type where the former hybridize with each other. It was found \cite{deguchi:04,maeno:12,nomura:02,nomura:05,annett:03} that the gap structure consists of a main gap on the `active' $xy$-type band which is nodeless but has deep minima along [100] directions and smaller (nearly) nodal gaps on the `passive' $xz,yz$ bands with minima or nodes along [110] directions.
Although the basic gap features are clear it would nevertheless be desirable to confirm and specify the gap model further. The STM technique has recently proved quite powerful in this respect for strongly correlated unconventional superconductors. The determination of the tunnelling conductance map on a finite surface area leads, via Fourier transformation, to the quasiparticle interference (QPI) pattern that is caused by impurity scattering on the surface. This pattern contains information on the normal state conduction band Fermi surface as well as on the superconducting gap structure \cite{capriotti:03, balatsky:06, maltseva:2009}. In particular for bias voltage smaller than the gap amplitude it leads to characteristic QPI features at wave vectors that allow conclusions on the \bk - dependence of the gap function.
This technique has been used successfully to investigate the superconducting gap structure of cuprates \cite{Hoffman:2002,*Wang:2003,*mcelroy:2003,*pereg:08}, Fe-pnictides \cite{Hanaguri:2010,*Chuang:2010,*Akbari:2010,*Knolle:2010,*allan:12,*zhang:09,*huang:11} and more recently heavy fermion compounds \cite{akbari:11,allan:13,zhou:13}.\\
We believe it could also be used for the further analysis of the chiral p-wave gap structure in Sr$_2$RuO$_4$. In fact the quasiparticle density of states (DOS) (which is the integral over the QPI function) has already been investigated in Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ recently \cite{firmo:13} demonstrating the feasibility of this approach. Before it was also applied to the non-superconducting Sr$_3$Ru$_2$O$_7$ compound \cite{lee:09,lee:10}
In this work we therefore investigate the expected QPI momentum and frequency structure for Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ in detail. We start from the known parameterization of conduction bands and use a simple representation of all three gap functions on active and passive bands that reproduce the microscopic gap structure determined by Nomura \cite{nomura:02,nomura:05} quite reasonably, in particular its extremal and nodal structure.
Using this well defined model we calculate the expected QPI spectrum as function of bias voltage. We perform a fully analytical
calculation in Born approximation and give a closed solution for the QPI spectrum, including the subtle effects of hybridization in the passive bands. Our approach is complementary to the full t-matrix numerical treatment \cite{gao:13} which also uses different gap models.
We show that due to the
multiband gaps and the rotated gap extrema on active and passive bands typical changes in the QPI spectrum are to be expected
when the bias voltage changes. We identify the characteristic wave vectors that appear in QPI from comparing to the structure of
constant quasiparticle energy surfaces. These features, if compared to future experimental determination of QPI, may be used to
further quantify the known superconducting gap structure of Sr$_2$RuO$_4$.
\label{sec:introduction}
\begin{figure}[t]
\includegraphics[width=0.98\linewidth]{Fig1}
\caption{(a) Hybridized $E_{1,2}(\bk)$ ($\alpha$,$\beta$) and unhybridized $E_3(\bk)$ ($\gamma$) band dispersions according to Eq.~(\ref{eq:hybands}).
(b) Fermi surface sheets of Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ with one unhybridized band ($\gamma$) resulting from xy (=c) orbitals and two hybridized ($\alpha,\beta$) bands resulting from xz (=a) and yz (=b) orbitals. Parameters are given below Eq.~(\ref{eq:bands}).
Characteristic QPI wave vectors $\bq_i$ and $\bq'_i$ for $\gamma$ and $\alpha,\beta$ bands are indicated (c.f. Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig4}).}
\label{fig:Fig1}
\end{figure}
\section{Three orbital model of quasi- 2D electronic bands in Sr$_2$RuO$_4$}
\label{sec:bandmodel}
The quasi-2D bands of Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ originate from the three $t_{2g}$ 3d orbitals $d_{xz}$, $d_{yz}$ and $d_{xy}$ which are denoted by
$n =a,b,c$ respectively. The effective tight binding (TB) model Hamiltonian for these states may be defined as \cite{liebsch:00,eremin:02,raghu:10, hughes:13}
\begin{eqnarray}
H_0&=&\sum_{\bk,n,m}h_0^{nm}(\bk)c_{n\bk}^\dagger c_{m\bk};
\nonumber\\
h_0({\bf k})&=&
\left[
\begin{array}{ccc}
\epsilon_{xz}(\bk) & V(\bk) & 0\\
V(\bk) & \epsilon_{yz}(\bk)& 0\\
0 & 0 & \epsilon_{xy}(\bk)
\end{array}
\right],
\label{eq:hmat}
\end{eqnarray}
where $c_{n\bk}^\dagger$ creates the unhybridized conduction electrons.
Their dispersion $\epsilon_n(\bk)$ for each orbital and their hybridization $V(\bk)$ are parametrized as
\begin{eqnarray}
\epsilon_{a\bk}=\epsilon_{xz}(\bk)&=&-\epsilon'_0-2t\cos k_x -2t_\perp\cos k_y, \nonumber\\
\epsilon_{b\bk}=\epsilon_{yz}(\bk)&=&-\epsilon'_0-2t\cos k_y -2t_\perp\cos k_x , \nonumber\\
\epsilon_{c\bk}=\epsilon_{xy}(\bk)&=&-\epsilon_0-2t'(\cos k_x+\cos k_y)
\nonumber\\
&&+4t''\cos k_x \cos k_y,
\nonumber\\
V(\bk)&=&V_\bk=-2V_m\sin k_x\sin k_y.
\label{eq:bands}
\end{eqnarray}
Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ is nearly 2D therefore dispersion along $k_z$ is neglected. The in-plane parameters are chosen as in Ref. \onlinecite{eremin:02}: $(\epsilon'_0= 0.77, t=1.0 , t_\perp = 0.14)$, $(\epsilon_0= 1.61, t'= 1.39, t''= 0.45)$ and $V_m=0.1$. Absolute energy unit is $t$. Within LDA approximation it is given by $t \simeq 0.3$ eV \cite{liebsch:00, eremin:02}. The effective bandwidth or effective $t$ is however reduced by a factor of 3.5 due to correlations \cite{mravlje:11}, i.e. to $t=0.085$ eV. The spin-orbit coupling \cite{veenstra:13} is neglected in our model since we are only interested in the charge QPI without resolving the spin channels in the conductance.
The TB Hamiltonian may easily be diagonalized to give the three conduction bands
\begin{eqnarray}
E_{1}(\bk)&=&\frac{1}{2}(\epsilon_{a\bk}+\epsilon_{b\bk})-
\frac{1}{2}[(\epsilon_{a\bk}-\epsilon_{b\bk})^2+4V_\bk^2]^\frac{1}{2}\nonumber\\
E_{2}(\bk)&=&\frac{1}{2}(\epsilon_{a\bk}+\epsilon_{b\bk})+
\frac{1}{2}[(\epsilon_{a\bk}-\epsilon_{b\bk})^2+4V_\bk^2]^\frac{1}{2}\nonumber\\
E_3(\bk)&=&\epsilon_{c\bk}.
\label{eq:hybands}
\end{eqnarray}
Here $E_{1,2}(\bk)$ are hybridized 2D bands resulting from an anti-crossing of quasi-1D a,b bands along $(\pm\pi,\pm\pi)$ directions. Furthermore $E_{3}(\bk)$ is the unhybridized 2D xy band. The correspondence to conventional band notation is given by $(1,2,3)\equiv (\alpha,\beta,\gamma)$. Their dispersions as obtained from the model described above are shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}a.
The three conduction bands were determined in ARPES experiments \cite{deguchi:04a,damascelli:00} and their associated Fermi surface sheets are shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b. The hybridized dispersions fulfil the identity
\begin{eqnarray}
E_{1\bk}+E_{2\bk}=\epsilon_{a\bk}+\epsilon_{b\bk};\;\;\; E_{1\bk}E_{2\bk}=\epsilon_{a\bk}\epsilon_{b\bk}-V_{\bk}^2.
\end{eqnarray}
In the limit of vanishing hybridization $V_\bk \rightarrow 0$ the hybridized bands are given by
$E_{1\bk}=\epsilon_{a\bk}-(\epsilon_{a\bk}-\epsilon_{b\bk})\theta_H(\epsilon_{a\bk}-\epsilon_{b\bk})$ and
$E_{2\bk}=\epsilon_{b\bk}+(\epsilon_{a\bk}-\epsilon_{b\bk})\theta_H(\epsilon_{a\bk}-\epsilon_{b\bk})$
where $\theta_H(\ldots)$ is the Heaviside function. Therefore a small hybridization rearranges corrugated quasi-1D Fermi surface (FS) sheets of
$\epsilon_{a\bk},\epsilon_{b\bk}$ which are parallel to $k_y,k_x$ respectively into the square shaped 2D FS sheets of the hybridized $E_{1\bk}, E_{2\bk}$ ($\alpha$,$\beta$) bands shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b. We note that from Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b the curvature of $\alpha$ or $\beta$ and $\gamma$ sheets (implying a relative rotation by $\pi/4$) are quite similar. Therefore there is no reason to make
a fundamental distinction concerning their quasi-2D character.
\begin{figure}[t]
\includegraphics[width=0.98\linewidth]{Fig2}
\caption{(a) The variation of superconducting gap $\Delta_n(\bk)$ $(n=\alpha,\beta,\gamma)$ on the {\it hybridized} Fermi surfaces as function of azimuthal angle $\theta=\tan^{-1}(k_y/k_x)$ counted from the $\Gamma (0,0)$ point for $\beta,\gamma$ and from the $M (\pi,\pi)$ point for $\alpha$. Gap parameters are $\Delta_0=0.045t $, $\Delta'_0=0.01t$ and $A=0.98$, $A'=-0.7$ ($|\Delta_{\alpha_{max}}|\sim 0.004t $, $|\Delta_{\beta_{max}}|\sim0.006t $ and , $|\Delta_{\gamma_{max}}|\sim0.014t$).
(b) Quasiparticle DOS in the superconducting state. The asymmetry is due to the underlying normal state DOS.}
\label{fig:Fig2}
\end{figure}
\begin{figure}[t]
\includegraphics[width=0.98\linewidth]{Fig3}
\caption{Surfaces of constant quasiparticle energy $\Omega_{n\bk}=\omega$ (n=1-3) for various $\omega$ in the superconducting state (c.f. Fig~\ref{fig:Fig2}a). For small $\omega$ only surfaces connected with $\alpha,\beta$ bands are present, first as arcs around [110]-type directions.
For larger energies the surfaces of $\gamma$ band also appear , first as lenses along [100]-type directions rotated by $\pi/4$ with respect to low energy $\alpha,\beta$ sheets. Characteristic QPI wave vectors $\bq_i$ and $\bq'_i$ for $\gamma$ and $\alpha,\beta$ bands are indicated (c.f. Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}).}
\label{fig:Fig3}
\end{figure}
\section{The chiral p-wave superconducting gap function of Sr$_2$RuO$_4$}
\label{sec:gapmodel}
There are numerous SC gap models that have been discussed for Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~\cite{rice:95,deguchi:04,raghu:10,wang:13}. The multiband nature implies that the gap sizes and phases may be different on different sheets. From the experiments mentioned in the introduction and theoretical analysis \cite{nomura:02,nomura:05,wang:13} it was concluded that the (``active") unhybridized 2D $\gamma$ band has the largest gap. This gap is nodeless but has deep minima in [100] and [010] directions.
However, this cannot describe the presence of nearly nodal quasiparticles concluded from
transport \cite{izawa:01} and thermodynamic \cite{deguchi:04,deguchi:04a} measurements. Theoretical analysis
\cite{nomura:02,nomura:05,wang:13} suggests that the nodes appear on the much smaller gaps of the (``passive") hybridized 2D
$\alpha,\beta$ bands and are shifted by $\pi/4$ with respect to the minima on the active bands. From these theoretical and experimental investigations the multiband nodal chiral triplet gap function of Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ was established \cite{nomura:02,nomura:05,maeno:12} as $(n=\alpha,\beta,\gamma)$
\begin{eqnarray}
\begin{displaymath}_n(\bk)=\Delta^n_0(T)f_n(\bk)\hat{{\bf z}}=\Delta_n(\bk)\hat{{\bf z}} .
\label{eq:gapdef1}
\end{eqnarray}
The form factors $f_n(\bk)$ contain high Fourier components because of the sharp minima in $\Delta_n(\bk)$. Here we restrict to the lowest two Fourier components in the expansion of form factors which are already sufficient to fix the qualitative extremal and nodal structure of the three gaps. We use a model where the gap functions on $\alpha,\beta$ bands are degenerate in the limit of vanishing hybridization $V_\bk\rightarrow 0$, this means they will also be degenerate in the orbital basis $a,b$. Explicitly, written separately for the active and passive gaps we have
\begin{eqnarray}
&&
\Delta_{c}(\bk)=\Delta_0
\bigl[\sin k_x(1+A\cos k_y)
+i\sin k_y(1+A\cos k_x)\bigr],
\nonumber\\
&&
\Delta_{a,b}(\bk) \equiv \Delta(\bk)
=\Delta'_0
{\Big [}\sin(k_x+k_y)[1+A'\cos (k_x-k_y)]
\nonumber\\
&&
\hspace{3cm}
+i\sin(k_x-k_y)[1+A'\cos(k_x+k_y)]
{\Big ]}.
\nonumber\\
\label{eq:gapdef2}
\end{eqnarray}
Both unhybridized $a,b$ and $c$ bands then have the same type of modified nodal chiral p-wave gap function \cite{nomura:02,nomura:05}. The different Fermi surface radii and the effect of the hybridization will lead to a splitting of gaps of $\alpha,\beta$ bands on the respective Fermi surface sheets.
For $\Delta_0=\Delta'_0$, $A=A'=0$ and going to the continuum representations one obtains the original chiral p-wave gap $\Delta_n(\bk)=\Delta_0(k_x+ik_y)$ proposed by Rice and Sigrist \cite{rice:95} which is the same on all three bands and has no nodes on the Fermi surface of Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b (the $\pi/4$ rotation of coordinates in the a,b case is implied here). The chiral nature of the gap in Eq.~(\ref{eq:gapdef2}) is compatible with the time-reversal symmetry breaking observed in $\mu SR$ experiments \cite{luke:98}.
The above model has four parameters, gap amplitudes $\Delta_0$, $\Delta'_0$ and higher harmonic contents $A, A'$.
They may be determined in such a way that we obtain the basic extremal and nodal structure of gap functions $\Delta_n(\theta)$ in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig2}a. Note that the maxima and minima of active and passive bands are shifted by an angle $\theta_0=\frac{\pi}{4}$ as a consequence of the corresponding \bk- space coordinate rotation in $\Delta_{a,b}(\bk)$.
The parameters of the above model that reproduce the microscopic gap calculation in Refs. \onlinecite{nomura:02,nomura:05} reasonably well are given in the caption of Fig.\ref{fig:Fig2}.
\section{Calculation of Green's functions}
\label{sec:Green}
For the calculation of QPI spectrum we need the Green's function in the superconducting state. The impurity scattering will be treated in Born approximation. This is sufficient if we are not interested in the resonance phenomena associated with strong scattering \cite{akbari:13,akbari:13a}. In the calculation we include all three bands and their active and passive gap functions because they may dominate QPI features for different ranges of the bias voltage V (or frequency $\omega$). For the decoupled nonhybridized single band the expression of the QPI spectrum is known (e.g. Ref. \onlinecite{akbari:13}) and will be added in the end. Here we treat the more involved hybridized subsystem of passive a,b orbitals which will dominate QPI contributions at low frequencies.
Their projected mean field BCS Hamiltonian is written in $8\times 8$ matrix form in terms of the $8$ - component Nambu spinors
$\Psi_\bk^\dagger = (\psi^\dagger_{\bk},\psi_{-\bk})$ with $\psi_{\bk}^\dagger = (c^\dagger_{\bk a\ua},c^\dagger_{\bk b\ua},
c^\dagger_{\bk a\downarrow} \def\ua{\uparrow},c^\dagger_{\bk b\downarrow} \def\ua{\uparrow})$ where $a,b$ denote the $xz,yz$ orbitals, respectively. We then have $(n=a,b)$
\begin{eqnarray}
H_{SC}&=&\sum_{\bk n\sigma}
(\varepsilon_{\bk n}-\mu)c_{\bk n\sigma}^\dagger c_{\bk n\sigma}
\nonumber\\
&&+
\frac{1}{2}\sum_{\bk n\sigma\si'}(\Delta_{\bk n}^{\sigma\si'}c_{-\bk n\sigma}^\dagger c_{\bk n\sigma'}^\dagger +H.c.).
\label{eq:HBCS}
\end{eqnarray}
where the gap function $\Delta_{n\bk}=\begin{displaymath}_n(\bk)\cdot{\bm\sigma}(i\sigma_y)$ is given by Eqs.~(\ref{eq:gapdef1},\ref{eq:gapdef2}) which is of the unitary type with $\begin{displaymath}_n\times\begin{displaymath}_n^* =0$ and $\begin{displaymath}_n(\bk)=\Delta_{n\bk}\hat{{\bf z}}$. Here ${\bm\sigma} =(\sigma_x,\sigma_y,\sigma_z)$ are the Pauli matrices in spin space; we also define the unit as $\sigma_0=I$.
The bare $8\times 8$ Green's function (2 Nambu, 2 orbital, 2 spin degrees of freedom) in the superconducting state is given by
\begin{widetext}
\begin{eqnarray}
\hat{G}^{-1}({\bk,i\omega_n})=
\left[
\begin{array}{cccc}
(i\omega_n- \epsilon_{a\bk })\sigma_0 & -V_\bk\sigma_0 & -\Delta_{a\bk}\sigma_x & 0\\
-V_\bk\sigma_0 & (i\omega_n- \epsilon_{b\bk})\sigma_0 & 0 & -\Delta_{b\bk}\sigma_x\\
-\Delta_{a\bk}^\dagger\sigma_x & 0 & (i\omega_n +\epsilon_{a\bk})\sigma_0 &V_\bk\sigma_0\\
0 & -\Delta_{b\bk}^\dagger\sigma_x & V_\bk\sigma_0 & (i\omega_n+ \epsilon_{b\bk})\sigma_0
\end{array}
\right].
\label{eq:Greensinv}
\end{eqnarray}
\end{widetext}
This matrix may be inverted and written in terms of $4 \times 4$ blocks as
\begin{eqnarray}
\hat{G}({\bf k,i\omega_n})=
\left[
\begin{array}{cc}
G(\bk,i\omega_n)& F(\bk,i\omega_n) \\
F(\bk,i\omega_n)^\dagger& -G(-\bk,-i\omega_n)
\end{array}
\right].
\label{eq:Greensmat}
\end{eqnarray}
Here the block index is the Nambu spin $\tau_z$ (2) and each $4\times 4$ block is indexed
by orbital $\kappa_z$ (2) and spin $\sigma_z$ (2) degree of freedom.
The individual blocks may be written as
\begin{eqnarray}
G({\bf k,i\omega_n})&=&
\left[
\begin{array}{cc}
G_{aa}(\bk,i\omega_n)& G_{ab}(\bk,i\omega_n) \\
G_{ba}(\bk,i\omega_n)& G_{bb}(\bk,i\omega_n)
\end{array}
\right]\otimes\sigma_0
\nonumber\\
F({\bf k,i\omega_n})&=&
\left[
\begin{array}{cc}
F_{aa}(\bk,i\omega_n)& F_{ab}(\bk,i\omega_n) \\
F_{ba}(\bk,i\omega_n)& F_{bb}(\bk,i\omega_n) \\
\end{array}
\right]\otimes \sigma_x.
\label{eq:Greensblock}
\end{eqnarray}
We restrict here to the relevant case $\Delta_{a\bk}=\Delta_{b\bk} \equiv \Delta_\bk$ of the Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ gap model in
Eqs.~(\ref{eq:gapdef1},\ref{eq:gapdef2}). The general solution will be given in Appendix \ref{sec:appA}. We obtain
for the orbital matrix elements of normal Green's functions:
\begin{widetext}
\begin{eqnarray}
G_{aa}(\bk,i\omega_n)&=&D(\bk,i\omega_n)^{-1}\bigl[(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{b\bk})(i\omega_n+E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n+E_{2\bk})-|\Delta_{\bk}|^2(i\omega_n+\epsilon_{a\bk})\bigr]\nonumber\\
G_{bb}(\bk,i\omega_n)&=&D(\bk,i\omega_n)^{-1}\bigl[(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{a\bk})(i\omega_n+E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n+E_{2\bk})-|\Delta_{\bk}|^2(i\omega_n+\epsilon_{b\bk})\bigr]\nonumber\\
G_{ab}(\bk,i\omega_n)&=& G_{ba}(\bk,i\omega_n)= D(\bk,i\omega_n)^{-1}V_{\bk}\bigl[(i\omega_n+E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n+E_{2\bk})-|\Delta_{\bk}|^2\bigr],
\label{eq:GelementAa}
\end{eqnarray}
and for the anomalous part the result is
\begin{eqnarray}
F_{aa}(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&D(\bk,i\omega_n)^{-1}\Delta_{\bk}\bigl[(i\omega_n)^2-E_{b\bk}^2-V_\bk^2\bigr]\nonumber\\
F_{bb}(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&D(\bk,i\omega_n)^{-1}\Delta_{\bk}\bigl[(i\omega_n)^2-E_{a\bk}^2-V_\bk^2\bigr]\nonumber\\
F_{ab}(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&F_{ba}(\bq,i\omega_n)
=D(\bk,i\omega_n)^{-1}\Delta_{\bk}V_\bk(\epsilon_{a\bk}+\epsilon_{b\bk}),
\label{eq:FelementAa}
\end{eqnarray}
Here the determinant $D(\bk,i\omega_n)$ is given by
\begin{eqnarray}
D(\bk,i\omega_n)&=&((i\omega_n)^2-E_{a\bk}^2)((i\omega_n)^2-E_{b\bk}^2)-2V_\bk^2\bigl[
(i\omega_n)^2+\bigl(\epsilon_{a\bk}\epsilon_{b\bk}-|\Delta_{\bk}|^2\bigr)\bigr]+V_\bk^4,
\label{eq:GdetAa}
\end{eqnarray}\\
\end{widetext}
where $E_{a\bk}, E_{b\bk}$ are unhybridized quasiparticle energies given by $E_{n\bk}^2=\epsilon_{n\bk}^2+|\Delta_{n\bk}|^2$. The determinant may also be factorized (Eq.~(\ref{eq:Gdetb})) by using the hybridized quasiparticle energies given by
$\Omega_{1,2\bk}^2=E_{1,2\bk}^2+|\Delta_\bk|^2$ in the case of equal gaps.\\
In the normal state ($\Delta_\bk\equiv 0$) the anomalous Green's function vanishes, i.e., $F_{\alpha\beta}(\bk,i\omega_n)=0$ while the normal Green's function matrix simplifies to
\begin{eqnarray}
G_{aa}(\bk,i\omega_n)&=&\frac{(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{b\bk})}{(i\omega_n-E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n-E_{2\bk})},
\nonumber\\
G_{bb}(\bk,i\omega_n)&=&\frac{(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{a\bk})}{(i\omega_n-E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n-E_{2\bk})},
\nonumber\\
G_{ab}(\bk,i\omega_n)&=&G_{ba}(\bk,i\omega_n)=\frac{V_\bk}{(i\omega_n-E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n-E_{2\bk})}.
\label{eq:GelementAb}
\nonumber\\
\end{eqnarray}
Finally when the hybridization vanishes ($V_\bk=0$) then $G_{nm}(\bk,i\omega_n)=\delta_{nm}(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{n\bk})^{-1}$ with $n=a,b$ is the usual normal state unhybridized Green's function matrix. This is equivalent to the c band where $G_c(\bk,i\omega_n)=(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{c\bk})^{-1}$.
\begin{figure
\includegraphics[width=0.99\linewidth]{Fig4}
\caption{QPI spectrum for the normal state. Characteristic QPI wave vectors $\bq_i$ and $\bq'_i$ associated with $\gamma$ and $\alpha,\beta$ bands are indicated (c.f. Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b).
}
\label{fig:Fig4}
\end{figure}
\section{Impurity scattering}
\label{sec:impurity}
We describe the effect of normal impurity scattering within the hybridizing a,b subspace. For the single
c orbital results are completely equivalent without involving the trace over orbital subspace. The elastic
scattering potential is given by
\begin{equation}
\hat{U}(\bq)=[U_c(\bq)\tau_3\sigma_0+U_m(\bq)\tau_0\sigma_z]\kappa_0 =\hat{U}_c+\hat{U}_m,
\label{eq:impscatt}
\end{equation}
where we assumed that only intraband scattering $(\sim\kappa_0)$ is present.
Here $\sigma,\tau,\kappa$ denote Pauli matrices in spin, Nambu and orbital (a,b) space, respectively.
In Born approximation the full Green's function including the scattering effect is given by $(\bk'=\bk-\bq)$
\begin{eqnarray}
\hat{G}_s(\bk,\bk'i\omega_n)=\hat{G}(\bk)\delta_{\bk\bk'}+\hat{G}(\bk,i\omega_n)\hat{U}(\bq)\hat{G}(\bk',i\omega_n).
\nonumber\\
\label{eq:Gfunc}
\end{eqnarray}
The single particle density of states by the scattering is then obtained as (per spin)
\begin{eqnarray}
N_s(\bq,i\omega_n)
&=&-\frac{1}{\pi}\frac{1}{2N}
{\rm Im}\sum_\bk
{\Big[}
{\rm tr}_{\sigma\tau\kappa}\hat{G}_t(\bk,\bk'i\omega_n)
{\Big ]}
\nonumber\\
&=&N(i\omega_n)+\delta N(\bq,i\omega_n),
\label{eq:DOS}
\end{eqnarray}
where $N(i\omega_n)=(1/N)\sum_{\bk\kappa}\delta(\omega-E_{\bk\kappa})$ is the background DOS of hybridized bands and
$\delta N(\bq,i\omega_n)$ the modification of the local DOS due to impurity scattering. It may be written in terms of
the QPI function $\tilde{\Lambda}(\bq,i\omega_n)$ (for a,b orbitals) as
\begin{eqnarray}
\delta N(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&-\frac{1}{\pi}
{\rm Im}
\tilde{\Lambda}_0(\bq,i\omega_n)\nonumber\\
\tilde{\Lambda}_0(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&\frac{1}{2N}\sum_\bk {\rm tr}_{\sigma\tau\kappa}\hat{G}_\bk\hat{U}\hat{G}_{\bk-\bq}.
\label{eq:QPI}
\end{eqnarray}
\begin{figure
\includegraphics[width=0.99\linewidth]{Fig5}
\caption{QPI spectrum for the superconducting state. Characteristic QPI wave vectors $\bq_i$ and $\bq'_i$ associated with $\gamma$ and $\alpha,\beta$ bands are indicated (c.f. Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}).
}
\label{fig:Fig5}
\end{figure}
\section{The quasiparticle interference spectrum}
\label{sec:QPI}
The QPI function in a,b orbital subspace for nonmagnetic scattering ($U_m=0$) in the charge channel
in Born approximation is given by $\tilde{\Lambda}_0(\bq,i\omega_n)=U_c\Lambda'_0(\bq,i\omega_n)$ with
\begin{eqnarray}
\Lambda'_0(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&\frac{1}{2N}\sum_\bk tr_{\sigma\tau\alpha}\hat{G}_\bk \tau_3\sigma_0\alpha_0\hat{G}_{\bk-\bq}.
\label{eq:QPItrace}
\end{eqnarray}
The calculation of $\Lambda'_0(\bq,i\omega_n)$ may now proceed numerically as is usually done. However here we use the fully analytical closed solution for the QPI spectrum because it gives considerably more insight. In particular the relation to special cases of the model becomes clearer.
For that purpose we perform the traces and use the explicit analytical form of the orbital matrix elements of normal and anomalous Green's functions in Eqs.~(\ref{eq:GelementAa},\ref{eq:FelementAa}). This leads to the QPI function per spin in a,b orbital subspace given by (n,m=a,b):
\begin{eqnarray}
\Lambda'_0(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&\frac{1}{N}\sum_{\bk,nm}\bigl[
G_{nm}(\bk)G_{nm}(\bk-\bq)
\nonumber\\
&&
\hspace{1.3cm}
-F_{nm}(\bk)F_{nm}(\bk-\bq)^*\bigr].
\label{eq:QPIab}
\end{eqnarray}
To this the contribution of unhybridized c- orbital has to be added which is explicitly given by
\begin{eqnarray}
&&\Lambda_0(\bq,i\omega_n)=
\nonumber\\
&&\hspace{0.35cm}
\frac{1}{N}\sum_\bk\frac
{(i\omega_n+\epsilon_{c\bk})(i\omega_n+\epsilon_{c\bk-\bq})-\Delta_{c\bk}\Delta^*_{c\bk-\bq}}
{(i\omega_n)^2-(\epsilon_{c\bk}^2+|\Delta_{c\bk}|^2)}.
\label{eq:QPIc}
\end{eqnarray}
The total Born QPI spectrum $\Lambda^t_0(\bq,i\omega_n)=\Lambda_0(\bq,i\omega_n)+\Lambda'_0(\bq,i\omega_n)$ of active and passive bands, respectively is then obtained as a closed solution from Eqs.~(\ref{eq:QPIab},\ref{eq:QPIc}) and Eqs.~(\ref{eq:GelementAa},\ref{eq:FelementAa},\ref{eq:GdetAa}) for the individual matrix elements $G_{nm}(\bk), F_{nm}(\bk)$. Here we made the simplifying assumption that tunneling matrix elements of a,b and c orbitals are equal.
It is useful to consider the result first for the normal state ($\Delta_\bk=\Delta_{c\bk}=0$) , in this case, using Eq.~(\ref{eq:GelementAb}) it simplifies to
\begin{widetext}
\begin{eqnarray}
\Lambda^t_0(\bq,i\omega_n)&=&\frac{1}{N}\sum_{\bk,n=a,b}\Bigl[\frac
{(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{n\bk})(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{n\bk-\bq}) +V_\bk V_{\bk-\bq}}
{(i\omega_n-E_{1\bk})(i\omega_n-E_{2\bk})(i\omega_n-E_{1\bk-\bq})(i\omega_n-E_{2\bk-\bq})}\Bigr]
+ \frac{1}{N}\sum_{\bk}\Bigl[\frac
{1}{(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{c\bk})(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{c\bk-\bq})}\Bigr].
\nonumber\\
\label{eq:QPInormal}
\end{eqnarray}
\end{widetext}
It further reduces to $\Lambda^t_0(\bq,i\omega_n)=(1/N)\sum_{n\bk}(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{n\bk})^{-1}(i\omega_n-\epsilon_{n\bk-\bq})^{-1}$ with $n=a,b,c$ for unhybridized bands ($V_\bk=0$). The QPI spectrum in Eq.~(\ref{eq:QPInormal}) is only determined by the dispersion of the three bands and will map the prominent wave vectors of their corresponding surfaces of constant energy $\omega$.\\
\section{Discussion of numerical results for the three-band chiral gap model}
\label{sec:numerical}
The band structure and associated Fermi surface model for Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1} consisting of the hybridized $\alpha ,\beta$ and one unhybrized $\gamma$ band. Typical wave vectors $\bq_i,\bq'_i$ characterising the FS sheet dimensions are indicated (b). These should appear prominently in the normal state QPI functions. We note, however, that the full QPI landscape in $(q_x,q_y)$- space may not be completely characterised by such characteristic wave vectors and they may not always be unambiguously identified.\\
The simplified gap model of Eq.~(\ref{eq:gapdef2}) on this Fermi surface is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig2}a. It reproduces the overall extremal and nodal behaviour obtained by a fully microscopic model in Refs.~\onlinecite{nomura:02,nomura:05}, in particular the shifted minima or nodes of the gap functions on active ($\gamma$) and passive ($\alpha,\beta$) bands. Since the model of Eq.~(\ref{eq:gapdef2}) includes only two Fourier components for each band there are, however, quantitive differences to the full calculation in Refs.~\onlinecite{nomura:02,nomura:05}. This has little influence on the overall appearance of the QPI spectra. The associated quasiparticle DOS for this gap model is shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig2}b. Note that the $\gamma$-band DOS and therefore the total DOS are slightly asymmetric. This is due to
the behaviour of normal state DOS around the Fermi level. It is determined by the asymmetric behaviour of the $\gamma$ band dispersion around the X -point (Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}a).\\
The features of QPI functions in the SC state are determined by the shape of surfaces of constant quasiparticle energy surfaces given by $\Omega_{n\bk}=\omega$ $(n=1-3)$. They are shown in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}. For small $\omega \ll \Delta'_0$ first the double arc-shaped sheets around the [110]-type nodal directions of the $\alpha,\beta$ bands appear (a).
For $\omega > \Delta'_0/2$ one basically obtains the (doubled) constant energy surface sheets of the normal state (b). When the frequency $\omega$ increases above the minimum of the $\gamma$- band, lens-shaped $\gamma$- sheets around the [100]-type extremal directions appear which are rotated by $\pi/4$ with respect to low energy $\alpha-\beta$ arc-shaped sheets (c). Finally when $\omega$ is above the maximum gap in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig2} doubled normal constant energy surface sheets split by the gap appear also for the $\gamma$ band.
The prominent connecting wave vectors of those sheets, if they appear in the QPI spectrum, should give information on Fermi surface structure and in the superconducting state a direct evidence for the nodal structure of the gap function. Several candidate wave vectors are indicated in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}.
For clarity we denote by $\bq_i$ and $\bq'_i$ $(i=1,2,3 ..)$ wave vectors connecting points on equal energy surfaces of $\gamma$ and $\alpha,\beta$ bands, respectively. We do not distinguish between wave vectors related by fourfold symmetry.\\
First we discuss the normal state in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig4} where we show the QPI spectrum for four increasing energy values (c.f. Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig2}a and Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}). At the wave vectors $\bq_1, \bq'_1,\bq'_2$ associated with the main across-Fermi surface scattering processes clearly line structures are seen in the QPI spectrum at all energies $\omega$. Note that $\bq_1, \bq'_1$ are folded back into the first BZ. To compare with the vectors in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b one has to add zone boundary vectors $(\pi,0)$ and $(0,\pi)$, respectively. There are also weaker lines emanating from zone center and forming a split cross, in particular visible in (Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig4}c). They can be associated parallel scattering along $\alpha,\beta$-sheets including hybridization-induced interband-scattering between $\alpha,\beta$ bands. It will appear according to Eq.~(\ref{eq:GelementAb}) although there is no interband scattering potential.
The split crosses are obtained by tracking wave vectors of the type $\bq'_3$ (and the one reflected at the symmetry plane) in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig1}b from zero to the zone boundary. Furthermore the small wave vector axis-aligned cross features in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig4} are due to scattering parallel to $\alpha\beta$ surfaces with wave vector $\bq'_4$. Therefore all major features observed in normal state QPI of Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig4} can be reasonably understood from the hybridized three-band Fermi surface structure.\\
Now we turn to the QPI in the chiral p-wave superconducting state described by Eq.~(\ref{eq:gapdef2}).
By tuning the bias voltage or frequency it is clear that the most significant information on the gap function may be obtained in situations like Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}a,c where the small arc and lens shaped sheets first appear around the nodal or extremal directions, respectively.
These small sheets have points of high curvature and may show up as distinguished features in the QPI.
In Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}a,b the QPI signature of the small gap on the $\alpha, \beta$ bands at $\bq'_5-\bq'_7$ (Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}a) are apparently rather weak. This is due to the smallness of the gap $\Delta'_0/t=10^{-2}$. However clearly the intensities at $\bq'_{5,6}$ as compared to neighboring wave vectors is enhanced with respect to the normal state. The situation here is quite different from the heavy fermion system CeCoIn$_5$~\cite{akbari:11} where the gap is only about one order of magnitude less than the effective hopping. Then the QPI in the SC state shows up more clearly.
This situation changes when the energy is raised to the region of the large gap on the active $\gamma$ sheet. The scattering vectors connecting the lens- shaped $\gamma$ surface sheets in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}c at wave vectors $\bq_2 -\bq_5$ clearly turn up as separate features in the QPI of Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}c. They partly survive to even higher energy in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}d when the constant energy surfaces of the $\gamma$ band are already reconnected again (Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}d). The observation of this wave vector quadruplet $\bq_2 -\bq_5$ above some threshold energy $\omega_0$ would be a clear indication of the active gap having a minimum of the size $\Delta_{min}\simeq \omega_0$ in the [100] -type directions.
In the low momentum region of Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}c it is also possible to identify the intra-lens scattering vector $\bq_6$ of Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}c . Furthermore the vector $\bq'_3$ in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}d is apparently related to the axis parallel scattering in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}d made possible by the doubling of $\alpha,\beta$ sheets in the superconducting state.
\section{Conclusion and outlook}
\label{sec:conclusion}
In this work we investigated the QPI spectrum of multi-band chiral p-wave superconductor Sr$_2$RuO$_4$. Our working model which is a simplified verison of the microscopic three-band model studied first in Refs.~\cite{nomura:02,nomura:05} and experimentally vindicated in Refs.\onlinecite{deguchi:04a,maeno:12}. It consists of a non-hybridized $xy$ type active $\gamma$ band with a Fermi surface that supports the main chiral gap function. The latter has deep minima along [100] type directions. A secondary near nodal gap is supported by the hybridizing
$xz,yz$ type $\alpha, \beta$ bands with a near nodal structure that is rotated by $\pi/4$ with respect to the minima of the large $\gamma$ band gap.
In the normal state the basic across -Fermi surface scattering appears as clear line features in the QPI spectrum originating from all three bands. The QPI changes due the $\alpha,\beta$ gap opening are quite subtle due to the smallness of the gap and they are caused by low momentum scattering between the arc-shaped $\alpha-\beta$ surfaces in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}a.\\
A more clear signature in QPI is left by the dominant chiral p-wave gap on the $\gamma$ surface. The scattering due to lens- type constant energy surfaces (Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}c) around the gap minima positions along [100] direction leads to a quadruplet of wave vectors that can be identified in QPI spectrum. Its observation would support the existence of the minimum in the main gap.
Further less prominent wave vectors may also be identified in the QPI structure.
In general the QPI analysis should be focused in those voltage regions where equal energy surfaces have the shape as in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}a,c. Outside these regions the equal energy surfaces are, aside from the doubling quite similar to the normal state (Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}a,c) and then little change may be expected. It would be most interesting to see whether QPI can confirm the relative $\pi/4$ rotation of (near) nodal positions on $\alpha-\beta$ and extremal positions $\gamma$ band from the characteristic wave vectors in Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig3}a,c and Fig.~\ref{fig:Fig5}a,c.
Our results suggest that it is worthwhile to investigate Sr$_2$RuO$_4$~ by QPI method to learn more about its electronic structure and in particular the chiral p-wave gap function.
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 7,415 |
Q: The tags below posts on search results occupies the same space as the page number navigation links on narrow screens This bug appears when the view gets sufficiently narrow (the first four pages, and the last four pages are less affected). This seems to have started happening in the last week or so.
The links to change page cannot be used, and I have to edit the URL manually (not ideal) to change page - even the "Prev" and "Next" links don't work (possibly for Z order reasons).
*
*This affects Chrome and Edge (89.0.4389.90 and 89.0.774.50) on Windows 10, Chrome 89.0.4389.86 on Android 11 - but not Firefox 86.0 on Windows 10.
*All Stack Exchange sites seem affected.
*The specific search query doesn't affect the behaviour other than to change the exact number of pixels that the bad behaviour starts happening at.
Could this please be fixed? Manually editing URLs is very cumbersome.
For example, a search for a on Meta Stack Exchange
Page 1 - the transition is at 315px:
Page 2 - the transition is at 364px:
Page 3 - the transition is at 364px:
Page 4 - the transition is at 364px:
Page 5 - the transition is at 428px:
Page 15 - the transition is at 646px:
Page 29 - the transition is at 646px:
Page 30 - the transition is at 393px:
Page 33 - the transition is at 344px:
A: This appears to have been fixed - I can't reproduce it on Chrome 108.0.5359.99 or Firefox 108.0 on Windows 11, or Chrome 108.0.5359.79 on Android 13.
A screenshot from Chrome:
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaStackExchange"
} | 3,078 |
\section{Introduction}
When digital data are transmitted through a noisy channel errors can occur.
But as receiving correct data is indispensable in many applications, error-correcting codes,
which allow the detection and correction of a certain amount of errors by adding redundancy,
are employed to tackle this problem.
The construction of such codes and the study of their key properties is an ongoing and important task.
Gröbner bases, on the other hand, are a powerful tool that has originated from commutative algebra
and provide a uniform approach to grasping a wide range of problems such as solving algebraic systems of equations,
ideal membership decision, and effective computation in residue class rings modulo polynomial ideals~\cite{adams,becker,cls,sturmfels}.
The first connection between linear codes and Gröbner bases was established in~\cite{cooper} which soon became known as the ''Cooper philosophy``.
This link was based on the description of cyclic codes as ideals in a certain polynomial ring, where entries of a codeword
are viewed as coefficients of a polynomial.
In~\cite{borges}, a different connection between linear codes and ideals in polynomial rings was presented,
which was followed up in \cite{mahkhz4, mahkhz3}.
In this approach, linear codes are described by a binomial ideal in a polynomial ring over an arbitrary field that can be written
as the sum of a toric ideal and a non-prime ideal, the so-called code ideal.
Toric ideals play a central role in this framework and are a well-studied special class of ideals in polynomial rings arising in various
applications~\cite{robbiano,contitrav-intprogramm,fulton, sturmfels}.
This correspondence with linear codes proved to be extremely beneficial as it allowed the application of (slightly modified) results from the rich
theory of toric ideals~\cite{mahkhz3}.
Furthermore, it has been shown that it allows an easy construction of the reduced Gröbner basis with respect to the lexicographic order
from a systematic generator matrix~\cite{mahkhz4}.
Many results in algebraic geometry, however, depend on the chosen monomial order and thus
knowledge of the universal Gröbner basis for this ideal, i.e., a finite generating set of the ideal that is a Gröbner
basis for all monomial orders, is advantageous~\cite{weis}.
In this paper, some concepts used in connection with toric ideals are adapted to code ideals.
It will be shown that for any code ideal the same inclusion relationship between the set of circuits,
the universal Gröbner basis and the Graver basis holds as for toric ideals.
In particular, for binary codes, all three sets will coincide.
Furthermore, it will be proved that the universal Gröbner basis for a binary linear code has a neat structure: it
consists of all binomials associated to codewords which satisfy the Singleton bound and a particular rank condition.
This gives rise to a new class of codes denoted as Singleton codes.
This paper is organized as follows. The next section presents the basics about Gröbner bases and introduces
toric ideals. In the third section, the main notions of linear codes are facilitated and their connection
to ideals is established. The main results are contained in the fourth section.
\section{Gröbner Bases and Toric Ideals}
Throughout the paper, let $\KK$ denote a field, $\ZZ$ the set of integers, and $\NN_0$ the set of non-negative integers.
Denote by $\KK[\bx]\!=\!\KK[x_1,\dots,x_n]$ the polynomial ring in $n$ indeterminates $x_1,\ldots,x_n$ and
by $\bx^{u} = x_1^{u_1}x_2^{u_2}\cdots x_n^{u_n}$
the \textit{monomials\/} in $\KK[\bx]$, where $u=(u_1,\ldots,u_n)\in\NN_0^n$.
The {\em total degree\/} of a monomial $\bx^{u}$ in $\KK[\bx]$ is given by the sum of exponents $|u|=u_1+\ldots+u_n$.
For any $\omega\in\R^n$, the $\omega$-degree of $\bx^u$ is defined by the usual inner product $u\cdot\omega$ in $\R^n$.
A \textit{monomial order\/} on $\KK[\bx]$ is a relation $\succ$ on the set of monomials in $\KK[\bx]$ satisfying:
(1) $\succ$ is a total ordering, (2) the monomial $\bx^\mathbf{0}=1$ is the unique minimal element, and
(3) $\bx^u\succ\bx^v$ implies $\bx^u\bx^w\succ\bx^v\bx^w$ for all $u,v,w\in\NN_0^n$.
Prominent monomial orders are the lexicographic order, the degree lexicographic order, and the degree reverse lexicographic order.
Given a monomial order $\succ$, each non-zero polynomial $f\in\KK[\bx]$ has a unique \textit{leading term}, denoted by $\lt_\succ(f)$ or simply $\lt(f)$,
which is given by the largest involved term.
The coefficient and the monomial of the leading term are called
the \textit{leading coefficient\/} and the \textit{leading monomial}, respectively.
If $I$ is an ideal in $\KK[\bx]$ and $\succ$ is a monomial order on $\KK[\bx]$,
its \textit{leading ideal\/} is the monomial ideal generated by the leading monomials of its elements,
\begin{align}
\langle \lt(I)\rangle = \langle\lt(f)\mid f\in I\rangle.
\end{align}
A finite subset $\mathcal{G}$ of an ideal $I$ in $\KK[\bx]$ is a {\em Gröbner basis\/} for $I$ with respect to $\succ$
if the leading ideal of $I$ is generated by the set of leading monomials in~$\mathcal{G}$;
that is,
\begin{align}
\langle\lt(I)\rangle = \langle\lt(g)\mid g\in \mathcal{G}\rangle.
\end{align}
A Gröbner basis $\mathcal{G}$ is {\em minimal} if no monomial in the set $\mathcal{G}$ is redundant,
and it is {\em reduced\/} if for any two distinct elements $g,h\in \mathcal{G}$, no term of $h$ is divisible by $\lt(g)$
and all its elements have leading coefficient equal to~1.
A reduced Gröbner basis for an ideal $I$ with respect to a monomial order~$\succ$ is uniquely determined
and will be denoted by $\mathcal{G}_\succ(I)$.
Gröbner bases solve the ideal membership problem. More concretely, a polynomial $f$ belongs to an ideal $I$ if and
only if it is being reduced to zero on division by a Gröbner basis for $I$.
Gröbner bases can by computed by \textit{Buchberger's algorithm} which is implemented in most computer algebra systems.
Although infinitely many monomial orders exist, there are only finitely many reduced Gröbner bases for a given ideal.
The union of all reduced Gröbner bases is called the \textit{universal Gröbner basis} for $I$.
More details on Gröbner bases can be found in~\cite{adams,becker,cls,morarobFan}.
\medskip
Toric ideals form a specific class of ideals which can be defined in different ways~\cite{robbiano}.
For a subset $A\subset\ZZ^d$ of $n$ vectors or equivalently a matrix $A\in\ZZ^{d\times n}$,
the \textit{toric ideal} $I_A$ is defined as
\begin{align}
I_A=\left\langle \bx^u-\bx^v\mid Au=Av,\,u,v\in\NN_0^n\right\rangle.\label{eq-toricrep1}
\end{align}
Each element $u\in\ZZ^n$ can be uniquely written as $u=u^+-u^-$ where $u^+,u^-$ have disjoint support and their entries are
non-negative. Based on this, the toric ideal $I_A$ can also be expressed as~\cite{sturmfels}
\begin{align}
I_A=\left\langle \bx^{u^+}-\bx^{u^-}\mid u\in\ker(A)\right\rangle.\label{eq-toricrep2}
\end{align}
The binomials in the generating set~(\ref{eq-toricrep2}) are \textit{pure}, i.e., the greatest common divisor of
the terms $\bx^{u^+}$ and $\bx^{u^-}$
in the binomial $\bx^{u^+}-\bx^{u^-}$ is $1$.
\section{Linear Codes over Prime Fields}
Let $\F$ be a finite field and let $n$ and $k$ be positive integers with $n\geq k$.
A \textit{linear code\/} of length $n$ and dimension $k$ over $\F$ is the image $\Co$ of a one-to-one linear mapping
$\phi:\F^k\rightarrow\F^n$, i.e., $\Co = \{\phi(a)\mid a\in\F^k\}$. Such a code is denoted as {\em $[n,k]$ code\/} and its elements are called \textit{codewords}.
In algebraic coding, the codewords are always written as row vectors.
Alternatively, a code $\Co$ can be described as
the row space of a matrix $G\in\F^{k\times n}$, whose rows form a basis of $\Co$, and the matrix $G$ is then called a
\textit{generator matrix\/} for $\Co$.
Any other generator matrix for $\Co$ can be obtained from a given generator matrix for $\Co$ by multiplying it from the left with a regular matrix.
A code $\Co$ is in \textit{standard form} if it has a generator matrix which is {\em systematic},
i.e., $G=\left(I_k\mid M\right)$, where $I_k$ is the $k\times k$ identity matrix.
Note that a generator matrix for an $[n,k]$ code can contain a zero column.
Such a code can be shortened by deleting this column giving an $[n-1,k]$ code.
All subsequently considered codes are assumed to have no such zero column.
Two $[n,k]$ codes are {\em equivalent\/} if one can be obtained from the other by a monomial transformation,
i.e., a linear map given by a monomial matrix, which is a matrix that has in each row and column exactly one non-zero element.
It follows that every linear code is equivalent to a linear code in standard form.
The dual code $\Co^\perp$ of an $[n,k]$ code~$\Co$ over $\F$ is an $[n,n-k]$ code consisting of all words $u\in\F^n$
such that $u\cdot c=uc^T=0$ for each $c\in\Co$,
where $c^T$ denotes the transposed of $c$.
If $G = \left(I_k\mid M\right)$ is a generator matrix for $\mathcal{C}$, then $H = \left(-M^T\mid I_{n-k}\right)$ is a generator matrix
for $\mathcal{C}^\perp$. For each word $c\in\F^n$, we have $c\in \mathcal{C}$ if and only if $ Hc^T = \mathbf{0}$.
The matrix $H$ is a \textit{parity check matrix\/} for $\mathcal{C}$.
The \textit{support\/} of a vector $u\in\F^n$, denoted by $\supp(u)$, is the subset of $\underline n=\{1,\ldots,n\}$ given by all indices $i\in\underline{n}$ with $u_i\neq 0$,
and the \textit{Hamming weight\/}, denoted by $\wt(u)$, is the number of non-zero components and so equals the cardinality of the codeword's support.
Note that for a binary code, each codeword is completely determined by its support.
The \textit{weight distribution\/} of an $[n,k]$ code $\Co$ is a finite sequence of integers $A_0,A_1,\dots,A_n$,
where $A_i$, $0\leq i\leq n$, denotes the number of codewords in $\Co$ having Hamming weight~$i$.
The \textit{Hamming distance\/} between two vectors $u,v\in\F^n$ is the number of positions in which they differ and so is given by the Hamming weight $\wt(u-v)$ of the difference vector.
The Hamming distance defines a metric on $\F^n$.
The minimum Hamming distance between any to distinct codewords in $\Co$ is the {\em minimum distance\/} of $\Co$.
For any matrix $G\in\F^{k\times n}$ and any subset $J\subseteq\underline{n}$ of indices,
let $G_J$ denote the $k\times |J|$ submatrix of $G$ consisting of the columns with indices in $J$.
Similarly, let $c_J$ be the vector of length $|J|$ consisting of the coordinates of $c$ with indices in $J$.
A subset $J\subseteq\underline{n}$ of cardinality $k$ is called an \textit{information set} of the code if the $k\times k$ submatrix $G_J$ has rank $k$.
In particular, the following are equivalent:
\begin{enumerate}
\item The set of indices $J$ is an information set.
\item For each $m\in\F^k$ there is a unique $c\in\Co$ with $c_J=m$.
\item For every generator matrix $G$ of the code $\Co$, $G_J$ has rank $k$.
\end{enumerate}
By the second assertion, a code cannot contain an information set $J\subseteq \underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)$ at the zero positions of a non-zero codeword $c$.
More basics on linear codes can be found in~\cite{macws, vlint}.
For a given $[n,k]$ code $\Co$ over a field $\F_p$ with $p$ elements, define the associated \textit{code ideal\/} as
\begin{align} \label{eq-codeideal}
I_\Co=\left\langle\bx^c-\bx^{c'}\left|\right.c-c'\in\Co\right\rangle+ I_p,
\end{align}
where
\begin{align}
I_p=\left\langle x_i^p-1\left|\right.1\leq i\leq n\right\rangle.
\end{align}
Note that $I_p$ allows to view the exponents of the monomials as vectors in~$\F_p^n$.
Each codeword $c-c'\in\Co$ with $\supp(c)\cap\supp(c')=\emptyset$
can be associated with the binomial $\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}$ in the code ideal $I_\Co$,
where it is always assumed that $\bx^{c}\succ\bx^{c'}$ whenever a monomial order $\succ$ is considered.
Note that unlike for toric ideals this binomial representation is not unique.
Nevertheless, a binomial $\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}$ in~$I_\Co$ is said to be associated with the codeword $c-c'$.
Observe that
the code ideal of a code $\Co$ can be based on a toric ideal as follows,
\begin{align}
I_\Co=I_A+I_p,
\end{align}
where $A$ in an integral $n-k\times n$ matrix such that $H=A\otimes_\ZZ \F_p$ is a parity check matrix for $\Co$.
\section{Universal Gröbner Bases}
In~\cite{mahkhz4} it has be shown that the reduced Gröbner basis for the code ideal~$I_\Co$ with respect to
the lexicographic order can be read off from a generator matrix for the corresponding code~$\Co$.
\begin{theorem}[\cite{mahkhz4}]\label{thm-mainmeh}
Let $\Co$ be an $[n,k]$ code over a prime field\/ $\F_p$ generated by a matrix $G=\left(I_k\mid \ast\right)$ with row vectors
$g_i=e_i+m_i$, $1\leq i\leq k$, where $e_i$ denotes the $i$th unit vector and $m_i$ a row vector of length $n$
whose first $k$ entries are zero.
The reduced Gröbner basis with respect to any lexicographic order with
$\{x_1,\dots,x_k\}\succ\{x_{k+1},\dots,x_n\}$ for the code ideal $I_\Co$ is given by
\begin{align*}
\mathcal{G}_\succ\left(I_\Co\right)=\left\{x_i-\bx^{m_i}\mid 1\leq i\leq k\right\}\cup\left\{x_i^p-1\mid k+1\leq i\leq n\right\}.
\end{align*}
\end{theorem}
This result can be further generalized.
\begin{corollary}\label{cor-generalized}
Let $\Co$ be an $[n,k]$ code over a prime field $\F_p$ with an information set $J=\{i_1,\dots,i_k\}\subseteq\underline{n}$.
There exists a generator matrix $G$ in reduced row echelon form with respect to the columns indexed by $J$ and row vectors
$g_{i_j}=e_{i_j}+m_j$, where $1\leq j\leq k$, and
the reduced Gröbner basis with respect to any lexicographic order with
$\{x_j\mid j\in J\}\succ\{x_\ell,\mid \ell\in \underline{n}\setminus J\}$ for the code ideal $I_\Co$ is given by
\begin{align*}
\mathcal{G}_\succ\left(I_\Co\right)=\left\{x_{i_j}-\bx^{m_j}\mid i_j\in J\right\}\cup\left\{x_\ell^p-1\mid \ell\in \underline{n}\setminus J\right\}.
\end{align*}
\end{corollary}
In~\cite{sturmfels} the author has introduced several concepts in the context of toric ideals which will be utilized in the following.
However, since code ideals are not toric but a sum of a toric and a non-prime ideal,
several of these concepts need to be adapted.
In particular, it will become apparent that binary and non-binary codes need to be distinguished.
A binomial~$\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}$ in $I_\Co$ is called \textit{primitive} if there is no other binomial $\bx^{u}-\bx^{u'}$ in $I_\Co$
such that $\bx^{u}$ divides $\bx^{c}$ and $\bx^{u'}$ divides $\bx^{c'}$.
Additionally, every binomial $x_i^p-1$ for $1\leq i\leq n$ is considered to be primitive. For binary codes, the case
of $c'=\mathbf{0}$ is excluded for reasons which will later become apparent.
Note that if a monomial order $\prec$ is given, $c=\mathbf{0}$ implies $\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}=0$ because for each binomial it is assumed that $\bx^{c}\succ\bx^{c'}$.
The \textit{Graver basis} for $\Co$ consists of all primitive binomials lying in the corresponding code ideal and is denoted by~$\Gr_\Co$.
For a binary code $\Co$, a codeword $c$ in $\Co$ is a \textit{circuit} if its support is minimal with respect to inclusion.
Each binomial associated with such a codeword is also called a circuit.
It follows that every binomal which is a circuit is also primitive.
In~\cite{sturmfels} circuits were defined by the additional condition that their entries are relatively prime.
In the binary case this condition can be omitted.
The extension to codes over an arbitrary prime field $\F_p$, however, cannot simply be accomplished by adding this condition.
A different definition is required in order to obtain similar results
for the code ideal over such a field (Prop.~\ref{prop-inclusionp})
since the exponents of the polynomials are treated as vectors in $\F_p^n$. The arising difficulties
in this case are illustrated as follows.
\begin{example}\label{ex-problemFp}
Consider a linear code~$\Co$ over $\F_7$ generated by $$G=\begin{pmatrix}0&1&1\\1&3&0\end{pmatrix}$$
and the code ideal $I_\Co$ in ${\Bbb Q}[a,b,c]$.
The codeword $(1,3,0)$ and all its multiples $(2,6,0)$, $(3,2,0)$, $(4,5,0)$, $(5,1,0)$ and $(6,4,0)$
have minimal support with respect to inclusion and except for $(2,6,0)$ and $(6,4,0)$ their entries are relatively prime.
However, for the codeword $(3,2,0) = (3,0,0) - (0,5,0)$, the corresponding binomial $a^3-b^5$ is not primitive
since $a^2-b$ lies in the code ideal, $a^2$ divides $a^3$, and $b$ divides $b^5$.
It follows that minimal support and relative primeness of entries are not sufficient
to ensure that such a binomial is primitive.
Another drawback is that different representations of a codeword yield binomials with distinct attributes.
Writing $(2,6,0)\!=\!(2,0,0)-(0,1,0)$ yields the primitive binomial $a^2-b$.
However, expanding $(2,6,0)=(0,6,0)-(5,0,0)$ gives the binomial $b^6-a^5$,
which is not primitive because the binomial $b^2-a^4$ corresponding to $(3,2,0)=(0,2,0)-(4,0,0)$ also belongs to the code ideal.
\hfill $\diamondsuit$
\end{example}
Note that for toric ideals, when the exponents are viewed as vectors in $\ZZ^n,$
the condition of relative primeness of the entries together with the minimality of the support is sufficient
to guarantee that the corresponding binomial is primitive since for any $c\in\ZZ^n$ the representation $c=c^+-c^-$ is unique.
Motivated by the above example, a more general definition of circuits for codes over arbitrary prime fields is required:
A binomial $\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}$ in $I_\Co$ with $c'\neq\mathbf{0}$ is called a \textit{circuit} if it is a primitive binomial and its support is minimial with respect to
inclusion.
In the non-binary case the attribute of being a circuit is tied to the binomial associated with a codeword rather than
the codeword itself because a codeword may be associated with both, a primitive and a non-primitive binomial as the above example
has demonstrated.
With this more general definition, denote by $\text{C}_\Co$ all circuits lying in the code ideal $I_\Co$.
Finally, denote the universal Gröbner basis for the code ideal $I_\Co$ by $\mathcal{U}_\Co$.
\begin{proposition}\label{prop-inclusionp}
For a linear code $\Co$ over $\F_p$, $\text{C}_\Co\subseteq \mathcal{U}_\Co\subseteq\Gr_\Co$.
\end{proposition}
\begin{proof}
The inclusion $\mathcal{U}_\Co\subseteq\Gr_\Co$ is proved in~\cite{mahkhz3}.
So it remains to show that $\text{C}_\Co\subseteq\mathcal{U}_\Co$.
Let $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}\in I_\Co$ be a circuit corresponding to the codeword $c=c'-c''\in\Co$.
Put $s=\deg({c'})$ and $t=\deg({c''})$ and choose an elimination order $\succ$ such that
$\{x_i\mid i\notin\supp(c)\}\succ\{x_i\mid i\in\supp(c)\}$ and the monomials in $\{x_i\mid i\in\supp(c)\}$ are first
compared by their $\omega$-degree, where $\omega_i=t$ whenever $i\in\supp(c')$ and $\omega_i=s$ whenever $i\in\supp(c'')$
and ties are broken by any lexicographic order with $\{x_i\mid i\in\supp(c')\}\succ\{x_i\mid i\in\supp(c'')\}$.
For this order, $\bx^{c'}\succ\bx^{c''}$ because of $c'\cdot\omega=st=c''\cdot\omega$ and the chosen tie breaker.
Claim that $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}\in\mathcal{G}_\succ(I_\Co)$.
Indeed, since this binomial belongs to $I_\Co$, it must
be reduced to zero by binomials in $\mathcal{G}_\succ(I_\Co)$ and in particular, there must be a binomial
$\bx^{v'}-\bx^{v''}\in\mathcal{G}_\succ(I_\Co)$ such that $v=v'-v''\in\Co$ and its leading term $\bx^{v'}$ divides $\bx^{c'}$.
But then $\supp(v')\subseteq\supp(c')$ and by the choice of the monomial order it follows $\supp(v'')\subseteq\supp(c)$. Hence,
$\supp(v)\subseteq\supp(c)$. But as $c$ has minimal support this inclusion cannot be proper and so $\alpha c=v$ for some $\alpha\in\F_p$.
Two cases occur.
First, consider the case $\alpha=1$, i.e., $c=v$. Then by the choice of monomial order it can be
further deduced that $\bx^{v'}=\bx^{c'}$. Otherwise, $\bx^{c'}$ would contain more variables than $\bx^{v'}$, say
$\bx^{c'}=\bx^{v'}\bx^{w}$ for some $w\neq\mathbf{0}$ and then these missing variables must appear in the second term,
$\bx^{v''}=\bx^{c''}\bx^{\mathbf{p}-w}$, where $\mathbf{p}$ is the all-$p$ vector.
But then
\begin{align*}
v'\cdot\omega&=(s-|w|)t<st+pt-|w|t=st+(p-|w|)t=v''\cdot\omega
\end{align*}
which contradicts $\bx^{v'}\succ\bx^{v''}$.
Second, consider the case $\alpha\neq 1$. Because of $\supp(v')\subseteq\supp(c')$ either $\supp(v')\subsetneq\supp(c')$
or $\supp(v')=\supp(c')$.
First assume that $\supp(v')=\supp(c')$ and thus $\supp(v'')\!=\!\supp(c'')$.
Since $\bx^{v'}$ divides $\bx^{c'}$ the monomial $\bx^{v''}$ cannot divide $\bx^{c''}$ for $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}$ is primitive.
But as $\supp(v'')=\supp(c'')$
the degree of $\bx^{v''}$ must be strictly greater than that of $\bx^{c''}$. Hence,
$c''\cdot\omega<v''\cdot\omega$ because all $x_i$ with $i\in\supp(c'')$ are weighted equally.
Furthermore, as $\supp(v')=\supp(c')$ and $\bx^{v'}$ divides $\bx^{c'}$ the same argument yields
$v'\cdot\omega<c'\cdot\omega$.
It follows that $v'\cdot\omega<c'\cdot\omega=st=c''\cdot\omega<v''\cdot\omega$
contradicting the relation $\bx^{v'}\succ \bx^{v''}$.
Second assume that $\supp(v')\subsetneq\supp(c')$.
Here the same inequality can be established when variables are shifted from $\bx^{v'}$ to $\bx^{v''}$
because all entries in~$\omega$ are positive.
This will also lead to the contradiction that $\bx^{v'}\succ\bx^{v''}$.
In view of the two cases, it follows that $\alpha=1$.
By the first case this means that $\bx^{v'}=\bx^{c'}$ and therefore $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}=\bx^{v'}-\bx^{v''}$, as required.
\end{proof}
The proof justifies that a binomial of the form $\bx^{c}-1$ is not considered as a circuit.
Indeed, if $\bx^{c}-1$ were the circuit considered in the proof,
the weight vector $\omega$ introduced there would be $\omega=\mathbf{0}$
and so the contradiction $v'\cdot\omega <v''\cdot\omega$ could not be achieved.
This will be underpinned by the next example, which will show for a specific code
that there exist primitive binomials $\bx^c-1$ such that $c$ has minimal support and does not belong to the universal Gröbner basis.
For binary codes, however, it can be shown that a binomial of the form $\bx^c-1$ cannot belong to the universal Gröbner basis.
To see this, assume that $\bx^c-1$ lies in some reduced Gröbner basis for an arbitrary monomial order.
Since the basis is reduced, the binomials of the form $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}$, where $c=c'-c''$ and $c''\ne \mathbf{0}$, cannot belong to this Gröbner basis.
But for any such binomial $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}$ there must be a binomial in the reduced Gröbner basis whose leading term divides the leading term of $\bx^{c'}-\bx^{c''}$.
This binomial will then also divide the leading term of $\bx^c-1$ contradicting the reducedness of the basis.
\medskip
In view of binary linear codes, it will be shown that all three sets coincide.
For non-binary linear codes, however, the next example will illustrate that the inclusions
can be strict.
\begin{example}\label{ex-2}
In view of the code~$\Co$ from Ex.~\ref{ex-problemFp},
computations using the software package {\tt Gfan}~\cite{gfan} exhibits that the set of circuits is
\begin{align*}
\text{C}_\Co&=\{b-c^6, a-c^3, c^6-b,b^2-c^5,c^3-a,a^2-b,b-a^2,a^3-c^2,\\
&\quad\quad c^2-a^3,a^5-c,c-a^5,c^5-b^2,b^3-c^4,c^4-b^3,b^4-c^3,\\
&\quad\quad b^4-a,c^3-b^4,b^5-c^2,a-b^4,c^2-b^5, b^6-c,c-b^6\}
\end{align*}
and that the universal Gröbner basis for the code ideal $I_\Co$ is indeed a proper superset,
\begin{align*}
\mathcal{U}_\Co= \text{C}_\Co\cup
\{bc-1,a^2c-1,ab^3-1,b^2-ac^2,ab-c^2, b^3-ac, ac^2-b^2,\\
c^2-ab,ab^2-c,ac-b^3,c-ab^2\}\cup\{a^7-1,b^7-1,c^7-1\}
\end{align*}
Moreover, the universal Gröbner basis $\mathcal{U}_\Co$ properly lies inside the Graver basis $\Gr_\Co$
since $ac^4-1$ is a primitive binomial that belongs to $\Gr_\Co$ but not to $\mathcal{U}_\Co$.
To see this, note that the binomial $ac^4-1$ corresponds to the codeword $(1,0,4) = (1,0,4)-(0,0,0)$ and only a
binomial of the form $a^sc^t-1$ with either $s<1$ and $t\leq 4$ or $s\leq1$ and $t<4$ could contradict its being
primitive. But clearly no such codeword exists.
Note additionally that the corresponding codeword $(1,0,4)$ has minimal support.
\hfill $\diamondsuit$
\end{example}
In the following, binary linear codes will only be considered.
\begin{theorem}[\cite{mahkhz3}]\label{thm-binequal}
For a binary linear code~$\Co$ the set of circuits $C_\Co$ equals the Graver basis $Gr_\Co$.
\end{theorem}
Combining Thm.~\ref{thm-binequal} and Prop.~\ref{prop-inclusionp} yields the following important result.
\begin{corollary}\label{cor-uniGBallprim}
For a binary linear code~$\Co$ the universal Gröbner basis $\mathcal{U}_\Co$ of the corresponding code ideal $I_\Co$
consists of all primitive binomials.
\end{corollary}
In~\cite{sturmfels} the author has shown that the total degree of any primitive binomial in the toric ideal $I_A$ is bounded by
$(n-d)(d+1)D(A)$, where $d\times n$ is the size of the matrix $A$ and $D(A)$ is an integer number depending only on the entries in $A$.
This result makes use of the estimate $|u_i|\leq D(A)$, $1\leq i\leq n$, for any
circuit $u=(u_1,\dots,u_n)\in \ker(A)$.
Furthermore, the author has conjectured that an even better estimation holds,
namely that the total degree is bounded by $(d+1)D(A)$. In the notation of binary linear codes the row size is $d=n-k$
and any entry of a codeword is either $0$ or $1$ and thus $D(A)$ can be chosen to be~1.
Hence, the proven estimate becomes $k(n-k+1)$.
However, it will be shown that the bound $n-k+1$ conjectured by the author indeed holds.
Note that this bound corresponds to the Singleton bound on the minimum distance of linear codes which is attained with equality by the maximum distance separable (MDS) codes
like the Reed-Solomon codes and their extended versions.
In the binary case, only trivial MDS codes exist~\cite{macws,vlint}.
\begin{proposition}\label{prop-primcode}
Let $\Co$ be a binary $[n,k]$ code.
If $\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}\in I_\Co$ is primitive,
then $\wt(c-c')\leq n-k+1$ and for any generator matrix $G$ of the code $\Co$ the submatrix
$G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c-c')}$ has rank $k-1$.
\end{proposition}
\begin{proof}
According to Thm.~\ref{thm-binequal} the primitive binomials of the code ideal $I_{\Co}$ are exactly the circuits.
The latter are given by sets of minimally dependent column vectors of a parity check matrix for the code.
Any parity check matrix is of size $(n-k)\times n$ and has rank $n-k$.
Such a matrix has at most $n-k$ linearly independent columns,
which implies that the Hamming weight of a circuit is at most $n-k+1$.
To show the second assertion, let $c\in\Co$ be a circuit.
As $c$ is a codeword there is a non-zero information word $x\in\mathbb{F}_2^k$ with $x\cdot G=c$ for any generator matrix $G$.
But $x\cdot G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}=\mathbf{0}$ and so the matrix $G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}$ cannot have maximal rank $k$.
Suppose the rank of $G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}$ is smaller than $k-1$.
By the dimension formula for linear maps,
\begin{align*}
k=\dim \ker G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)} + \dim {\rm im}\, G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}<\dim \ker G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}+(k-1)
\end{align*}
and so $ \dim \ker G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}>1.$
Thus there must be another information word $x'\in\F_2^k$ with $x'\cdot G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}=\mathbf{0}$.
Put $c' = x'\cdot G$.
So for each index $i$ in $\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)$, $c'_i=x'\cdot G_{{\{i \}}}=0$ and thus $\supp(c')\subseteq\supp(c)$.
But the encoding is one-to-one and so the codeword $c'$ is distinct from $c$.
It follows that $\supp(c')\subsetneq\supp(c)$ contradicting the hypothesis that $c$ is a circuit.
Hence the rank of $G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)}$ must be equal to $k-1$.
\end{proof}
The converse of this assertion also holds.
\begin{proposition}\label{prop-codeprim}
Let $\Co$ be a binary $[n,k]$ code with generator matrix $G$.
Every binomial in the code ideal $I_\Co$ associated with a codeword $c$ of Hamming weight less than or equal to $n-k+1$ and
such that $G_{\underline{n}\setminus \supp(c)}$ has rank $k-1$ is primitive.
\end{proposition}
\begin{proof}
Consider a codeword $c\in\Co$ with Hamming weight $\leq n-k+1$ and
such that $G_{\underline{n}\setminus \supp(c)}$ has rank $k-1$.
Then $c$ has at least $k-1$ entries that are zero and so by hypothesis, among those one can find exactly $k-1$ coordinates
$J\subseteq\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c)$ such that $G_J$ has rank $k-1$.
But as the generator matrix~$G$ has rank $k$ there must be another column in $G$, say indexed by~$i$,
with $c_i=1$, and such that $G_{J\cup{\{i\}}}$ is a $k\times k$ matrix of rank $k$;
that is, $J\cup{\{i\}}$ is an information set.
By Cor.~\ref{cor-generalized}, the binomial $x_i-\bx^{c-e_i}$
belongs to the reduced Gröbner basis for a particular lexicographic order.
Since every binomial in a reduced Gröbner basis for $I_\Co$ is primitive (see Prop.~\ref{prop-inclusionp}), the binomial $x_i-\bx^{c-e_i}$ is primitive.
But if $\bx^u-\bx^{u'}$ is primitive, then any other binomial $\bx^{v}-\bx^{v'}$ with $u-u'=v-v'$ is also primitive.
Hence, each binomial associated with the codeword $c$ is primitive, too.
\end{proof}
\begin{theorem}\label{thm-universalbasis}
Let $\Co$ be a binary $[n,k]$ code.
The universal Gröbner basis for the corresponding code ideal $I_\Co$ is given by the set
\begin{align*}
\mathcal{U}_\Co&=\big\{\bx^{c}-\bx^{c'}\left|\right. c-c'\in\Co, \wt(c-c')\leq n-k+1,\\
&\quad\quad\rank\left(G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c-c')}\right)=k-1 \big\}
\cup\left\{x_i^2-1\mid 1\leq i\leq n \right\}.
\end{align*}
In other words, the universal Gröbner basis for the code ideal consists of all binomials which correspond to codewords that
satisfy the Singleton bound and a particular rank condition.
\end{theorem}
\begin{proof}
Prop.~\ref{prop-primcode} and~\ref{prop-codeprim} state that a binomial $\bx^c-\bx^{c'}\in I_\Co$ is primitive if and
only if it corresponds to a codeword of Hamming weight $\leq n-k+1$ and such that the submatrix $G_{\underline{n}\setminus\supp(c-c')}$
of any generator matrix $G$ has rank $k-1$.
The result follows by applying Cor.~\ref{cor-uniGBallprim}.
\end{proof}
This result gives rise to a new class of binary linear codes whose codewords which fulfill the Singleton bound also satisfy the rank condition.
A binary linear code $\Co$ is called a {\em Singleton code\/} if each non-zero codeword $c$ with Hamming weight $\leq n-k+1$ has the property that
the submatrix $G_{\underline{n}\setminus \supp(c)}$ has rank $k-1$ for any generator matrix $G$ for~$\Co$.
If $\Co$ is a Singleton code, then by Thm.~\ref{thm-universalbasis} the corresponding universal Gröbner basis
can be combinatorially constructed.
For this, note that if $c$ is a codeword with Hamming weight $s$, then there are $2^s-2$ binomials associated with $c$.
\begin{example}
The third binary Hamming code $\Co$ is a $[7,4]$ code with weight distribution $1,0,0,7,7,0,0,1$.
By inspection, this is a Singleton code, i.e., for any codeword $c$ of Hamming weight $\leq 4$ holds
$\rank(G_{\underline{7}\setminus \supp(c)}) \leq 3$
for any generator matrix $G$ for $\Co$.
Thus the universal Gröbner basis $\mathcal{U}_\Co$ consists of all binomials which correspond to the codewords with Hamming weight of at most~4.
Computations using {\tt Gfan}~\cite{gfan} exhibit that the universal Gröbner basis consists of~$147$ binomials
given by seven binomials of the form $x_i^2-1$, $1\leq i\leq 7$,
$42=7\cdot (2^3-2)$ binomials corresponding to the seven codewords of Hamming weight~$3$, and
$98 = 7\cdot (2^4-2)$ binomials associated with the seven codewords of Hamming weight~$4$.
\hfill $\diamondsuit$
\end{example}
Singleton codes are the parity check codes,
the MDS codes,
the binary Golay code and its parity check extension,
the Simplex codes, and the first order Reed-Muller code and its dual.
On the other hand, not all Hamming codes are Singleton ones.
We will provide more details in an upcoming paper.\medskip
As a final remark, the authors in~\cite{martinez1} have introduced a method for computing the Graver basis for a linear code $\Co$ over $\ZZ_p$, where $p\geq 2$ is an integer,
which amounts to computing the Gröbner basis of a certain ideal.
Since in the binary case the Graver basis coincides with the universal Gröbner basis, this provides another method for computing the universal Gröbner basis for a binary linear code.
\bibliographystyle{plain}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaArXiv"
} | 7,150 |
Die Arbeitsstelle für konservatives Schrifttum war eine private Organisation zur Förderung des monarchistischen Gedankens, die von 1931 bis 1934 bestand. Sie hatte ihren Sitz in Würzburg und trat vor allem durch die Zeitschrift Die Monarchie – Zeitschrift für deutsche Tradition in die Öffentlichkeit.
Gegründet wurde sie vom überzeugten Monarchisten Karl Ludwig Freiherr von und zu Guttenberg als Mittel, seinen politischen Vorstellungen zum Durchbruch zu verhelfen. Zunächst wirkte sie in der Form eines Pressedienstes, der interessierten Zeitschriften und Zeitungen Artikel mit monarchistischen Inhalten anbot. Das Material wurde zum einen aus der Tagespresse zusammengesucht, zum anderen wurden Autoren um Darstellung passender Themen gebeten. Ziel war nicht nur die Verbreitung monarchistischer Einstellungen, sondern vor allem die Präsenz entsprechender Themen im demokratischen Umfeld der Weimarer Republik.
Da das Interesse an monarchistischen Veröffentlichungen allerdings geringer war als erwartet, kam es zu Finanzierungsschwierigkeiten. Daraufhin entschloss sich Guttenberg, das von der Arbeitsstelle für konservatives Schrifttum zusammengetragene Material in Form einer Zeitschrift zu veröffentlichen. Das Ergebnis war die monatlich erscheinende Monarchie, die von Juli 1932 bis Januar 1934 erschien. Sie wurde nicht über den Buchhandel vertrieben, sondern direkt an die Käufer geschickt. Als Mitarbeiter sind vor allem zu nennen Erwein Freiherr von Aretin, Friedrich Everling, Arthur Hübscher, Gerhard von Janson, Richard Korherr, Friedrich Mattaesius, Friedrich von Oppeln-Bronikowski, Friedrich Reck-Malleczewen, Reinhold Schneider und Anton Ritthaler.
Im Sinne monarchistischer Opposition gegen die Weimarer Republik gegründet, wurde die Zeitschrift durch die "Machtergreifung" der NSDAP nur zehn Monate nach ihrer ersten Ausgabe zu einer Stimme monarchistischer Opposition gegen den Nationalsozialismus. Anlässlich des Heftes vom Januar 1934, das dem 75. Geburtstag des im Exil lebenden Kaisers Wilhelm II gewidmet war, wurde die Zeitschrift verboten. Guttenberg durfte jedoch eine andere Zeitschrift gründen, die Weißen Blätter. Diese Zeitschrift wurde von Carl Krüger in Mylau verlegt, der auch schon den Druck der letzten Ausgaben der Monarchie übernommen hatte.
Die spätere Entwicklung der Mitarbeiter der Arbeitsstelle für konservatives Schrifttum im Nationalsozialismus zeigt das breite Spektrum von Überzeugungen, das sich hier vereinte: Everling (MdR, Reichsgerichtsrat) und Korherr (Leiter der Statistischen Abteilung im SS-Hauptamt, Verfasser des Korherr-Berichts) machten politische Karriere, Schneider und Aretin bekamen Publikationsverbot, Reck-Malleczewen starb im KZ Dachau.
Literatur
Maria Theodora von dem Bottlenberg-Landsberg: Karl Ludwig Freiherr von und zu Guttenberg: 1902-1945 ; ein Lebensbild. Lukas-Verlag, Berlin 2003, ISBN 3-931836-94-0, S. 68, 81–82.
Politische Organisation (Weimarer Republik)
Widerstand gegen den Nationalsozialismus
Monarchismus in Deutschland
Monarchistische Organisation
Würzburger Geschichte
Gegründet 1931
Aufgelöst 1934
Verein (Würzburg) | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaWikipedia"
} | 5,206 |
The Book Chris-Craft Didn't Want You To Read!
This little book is a treasure trove and cool as all get out. This has the behind the scenes glimpse into how Chris Craft sold their boats in 1936. Which in a way is a blue print for probably boat selling today, since Chris Craft literally wrote the book on the subject. I am sure someplace at the Mariners museum this stuff exsisits, but there is something cool about having a real one in your hands. Something about holding the information and bathing yourself in how it was in an un romatizied way.
I always find it interesting to read old magazines of the day of my boats. Usualy the issues I am having today are not because the boat is old, but because that s just what they do. And there is something comforting about that, it tells me its a un refined design compared to todays stuff. And I am OK with that. That is what its really all about, it's the difference of looking at a boat in a museum, or being out in it and living the history.
The same feeling of holding this book in your hands vs reading the content on a website or in xeroxed form. So why again, am I not quietly letting this not be seen on ebay! Cause.. Well, I still have no idea. If you win it. Share!
E.Z. Blow Fog Horn Sticker Art For You To, Well, Toot Your Fog Horn!
Would love to have it, but I am sure it will be beyond my desired price in 5 more days.
It is a neat book. There is one in the Chris Craft files. As I recall it is full of good stuff. I don't however recall it being scanned in it's entirety for the archives. You'd have to ask one of the current club officers how to access it. I only had one and I'm not sure if Chris-Craft published one for successive years.
Better put mine in the safe! It's a 1935. In 1936 they moved across the street.
Well I got priced out pretty quick.
$400 as of 6Pm. It will go up.
I am continually amazed at CC's business model. Mollica's book "Building Chris Craft" shows the level they went to running the company. All this from a duck hunter/decoy carver?? One would have thought it would be more "seat of the pants" operation but it was professional in every way. Shows the intelligence the Smith family had (Matt not withstanding, lol) and trust they put in experts they hired.
We have come to this? Hundreds for musty papers…..no takers on better than gray boats…..
but then again..the only CC I still have is a bicycle and plenty of folks would outbid the book for that….!!
Neat enough book but just another thing I will fail to do …"buy the book" I am going boating…. | {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaC4"
} | 4,049 |
using namespace std;
using namespace chdl;
// The full Processor
void Harmonica2();
// The pipeline stages
void Sched(sched_fetch_t &out, splitter_sched_t &in);
void Fetch(fetch_pred_t &out, sched_fetch_t &in);
void PredRegs(pred_reg_t &out, fetch_pred_t &in, splitter_pred_t &wb);
void GpRegs(reg_func_t &out, pred_reg_t &in, splitter_reg_t &wb);
void Execute(splitter_sched_t&, splitter_pred_t&, splitter_reg_t&, reg_func_t&);
// Implementations
void Harmonica2() {
HIERARCHY_ENTER();
// Assemble the pipeline
sched_fetch_t sf;
fetch_pred_t fp;
pred_reg_t pr;
reg_func_t rx;
splitter_sched_t xs;
splitter_pred_t xp;
splitter_reg_t xr;
Sched(sf, xs);
Fetch(fp, sf);
PredRegs(pr, fp, xp);
GpRegs(rx, pr, xr);
Execute(xs, xp, xr, rx);
TAP(sf); TAP(fp); TAP(pr); TAP(rx); TAP(xs); TAP(xp); TAP(xr);
Counter("cycles", Lit(1));
Counter("insts",
PopCount(_(_(_(xs, "contents"), "warp"), "active")),
_(xs, "ready") && _(xs, "valid"));
HIERARCHY_EXIT();
}
int main(int argc, char **argv) {
// Instantiate the processor
Harmonica2();
// Optimize and simulate/dump netlist
if (cycdet()) return 1;
optimize();
// Do a critical path report
ofstream cp_report("h2.crit");
critpath_report(cp_report);
if (FPGA) {
// Emit verilog
ofstream vl("h2.v");
print_verilog("h2", vl);
}
// Emit netlist
ofstream nl("h2.nand");
print_netlist(nl);
return 0;
}
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 5,202 |
'''
Python bindings for working with Vagrant and Vagrantfiles. Do useful things
with the `vagrant` CLI without the boilerplate (and errors) of calling
`vagrant` and parsing the results.
The API attempts to conform closely to the API of the `vagrant` command line,
including method names and parameter names.
Documentation of usage, testing, installation, etc., can be found at
https://github.com/todddeluca/python-vagrant.
'''
# std
import collections
import contextlib
import itertools
import os
import re
import subprocess
import sys
import logging
# local
from . import compat
# python package version
# should match r"^__version__ = '(?P<version>[^']+)'$" for setup.py
__version__ = '0.5.9'
log = logging.getLogger(__name__)
###########################################
# Determine Where The Vagrant Executable Is
VAGRANT_NOT_FOUND_WARNING = 'The Vagrant executable cannot be found. ' \
'Please check if it is in the system path.'
def which(program):
'''
Emulate unix 'which' command. If program is a path to an executable file
(i.e. it contains any directory components, like './myscript'), return
program. Otherwise, if an executable file matching program is found in one
of the directories in the PATH environment variable, return the first match
found.
On Windows, if PATHEXT is defined and program does not include an
extension, include the extensions in PATHEXT when searching for a matching
executable file.
Return None if no executable file is found.
http://stackoverflow.com/questions/377017/test-if-executable-exists-in-python/377028#377028
https://github.com/webcoyote/vagrant/blob/f70507062e3b30c00db1f0d8b90f9245c4c997d4/lib/vagrant/util/file_util.rb
Python3.3+ implementation:
https://hg.python.org/cpython/file/default/Lib/shutil.py
'''
def is_exe(fpath):
return os.path.isfile(fpath) and os.access(fpath, os.X_OK)
# Shortcut: If program contains any dir components, do not search the path
# e.g. './backup', '/bin/ls'
if os.path.dirname(program):
if is_exe(program):
return program
else:
return None
# Are we on windows?
# http://stackoverflow.com/questions/1325581/how-do-i-check-if-im-running-on-windows-in-python
windows = (os.name == 'nt')
# Or cygwin?
# https://docs.python.org/2/library/sys.html#sys.platform
cygwin = sys.platform.startswith('cygwin')
# Paths: a list of directories
path_str = os.environ.get('PATH', os.defpath)
if not path_str:
paths = []
else:
paths = path_str.split(os.pathsep)
# The current directory takes precedence on Windows.
if windows:
paths.insert(0, os.curdir)
# Only search PATH if there is one to search.
if not paths:
return None
# Files: add any necessary extensions to program
# On cygwin and non-windows systems do not add extensions when searching
# for the executable
if cygwin or not windows:
files = [program]
else:
# windows path extensions in PATHEXT.
# e.g. ['.EXE', '.CMD', '.BAT']
# http://environmentvariables.org/PathExt
# This might not properly use extensions that have been "registered" in
# Windows. In the future it might make sense to use one of the many
# "which" packages on PyPI.
exts = os.environ.get('PATHEXT', '').split(os.pathsep)
# if the program ends with one of the extensions, only test that one.
# otherwise test all the extensions.
matching_exts = [ext for ext in exts if
program.lower().endswith(ext.lower())]
if matching_exts:
files = [program + ext for ext in matching_exts]
else:
files = [program + ext for ext in exts]
# Check each combination of path, program, and extension, returning
# the first combination that exists and is executable.
for path in paths:
for f in files:
fpath = os.path.normcase(os.path.join(path, f))
if is_exe(fpath):
return fpath
return None
# The full path to the vagrant executable, e.g. '/usr/bin/vagrant'
def get_vagrant_executable():
return which('vagrant')
if get_vagrant_executable() is None:
log.warn(VAGRANT_NOT_FOUND_WARNING)
# Classes for listings of Statuses, Boxes, and Plugins
Status = collections.namedtuple('Status', ['name', 'state', 'provider'])
Box = collections.namedtuple('Box', ['name', 'provider', 'version'])
Plugin = collections.namedtuple('Plugin', ['name', 'version', 'system'])
#########################################################################
# Context Managers for Handling the Output of Vagrant Subprocess Commands
@contextlib.contextmanager
def stdout_cm():
''' Redirect the stdout or stderr of the child process to sys.stdout. '''
yield sys.stdout
@contextlib.contextmanager
def stderr_cm():
''' Redirect the stdout or stderr of the child process to sys.stderr. '''
yield sys.stderr
@contextlib.contextmanager
def devnull_cm():
''' Redirect the stdout or stderr of the child process to /dev/null. '''
with open(os.devnull, 'w') as fh:
yield fh
@contextlib.contextmanager
def none_cm():
''' Use the stdout or stderr file handle of the parent process. '''
yield None
def make_file_cm(filename, mode='a'):
'''
Open a file for appending and yield the open filehandle. Close the
filehandle after yielding it. This is useful for creating a context
manager for logging the output of a `Vagrant` instance.
filename: a path to a file
mode: The mode in which to open the file. Defaults to 'a', append
Usage example:
log_cm = make_file_cm('application.log')
v = Vagrant(out_cm=log_cm, err_cm=log_cm)
'''
@contextlib.contextmanager
def cm():
with open(filename, mode=mode) as fh:
yield fh
return cm
class Vagrant(object):
'''
Object to up (launch) and destroy (terminate) vagrant virtual machines,
to check the status of the machine and to report on the configuration
of the machine.
Works by using the `vagrant` executable and a `Vagrantfile`.
'''
# Some machine-readable state values returned by status
# There are likely some missing, but if you use vagrant you should
# know what you are looking for.
# These exist partly for convenience and partly to document the output
# of vagrant.
RUNNING = 'running' # vagrant up
NOT_CREATED = 'not_created' # vagrant destroy
POWEROFF = 'poweroff' # vagrant halt
ABORTED = 'aborted' # The VM is in an aborted state
SAVED = 'saved' # vagrant suspend
# LXC statuses
STOPPED = 'stopped'
FROZEN = 'frozen'
# libvirt
SHUTOFF = 'shutoff'
BASE_BOXES = {
'ubuntu-Lucid32': 'http://files.vagrantup.com/lucid32.box',
'ubuntu-lucid32': 'http://files.vagrantup.com/lucid32.box',
'ubuntu-lucid64': 'http://files.vagrantup.com/lucid64.box',
'ubuntu-precise32': 'http://files.vagrantup.com/precise32.box',
'ubuntu-precise64': 'http://files.vagrantup.com/precise64.box',
}
def __init__(self, root=None, quiet_stdout=True, quiet_stderr=True,
env=None, out_cm=None, err_cm=None):
'''
root: a directory containing a file named Vagrantfile. Defaults to
os.getcwd(). This is the directory and Vagrantfile that the Vagrant
instance will operate on.
env: a dict of environment variables (string keys and values) passed to
the vagrant command subprocess or None. Defaults to None. If env is
None, `subprocess.Popen` uses the current process environment.
out_cm: a no-argument function that returns a ContextManager that
yields a filehandle or other object suitable to be passed as the
`stdout` parameter of a subprocess that runs a vagrant command.
Using a context manager allows one to close the filehandle in case of
an Exception, if necessary. Defaults to none_cm, a context manager
that yields None. See `make_file_cm` for an example of
how to log stdout to a file. Note that commands that parse the
output of a vagrant command, like `status`, capture output for their
own use, ignoring the value of `out_cm` and `quiet_stdout`.
err_cm: a no-argument function that returns a ContextManager, like
out_cm, for handling the stderr of the vagrant subprocess. Defaults
to none_cm.
quiet_stdout: Ignored if out_cm is not None. If True, the stdout of
vagrant commands whose output is not captured for further processing
will be sent to devnull.
quiet_stderr: Ignored if out_cm is not None. If True, the stderr of
vagrant commands whose output is not captured for further processing
will be sent to devnull.
'''
self.root = os.path.abspath(root) if root is not None else os.getcwd()
self._cached_conf = {}
self._vagrant_exe = None # cache vagrant executable path
self.env = env
if out_cm is not None:
self.out_cm = out_cm
elif quiet_stdout:
self.out_cm = devnull_cm
else:
# Using none_cm instead of stdout_cm, because in some situations,
# e.g. using nosetests, sys.stdout is a StringIO object, not a
# filehandle. Also, passing None to the subprocess is consistent
# with past behavior.
self.out_cm = none_cm
if err_cm is not None:
self.err_cm = err_cm
elif quiet_stderr:
self.err_cm = devnull_cm
else:
self.err_cm = none_cm
def version(self):
'''
Return the installed vagrant version, as a string, e.g. '1.5.0'
'''
output = self._run_vagrant_command(['--version'])
m = re.search(r'^Vagrant (?P<version>.+)$', output)
if m is None:
raise Exception('Failed to parse vagrant --version output. output={!r}'.format(output))
return m.group('version')
def init(self, box_name=None, box_url=None):
'''
From the Vagrant docs:
This initializes the current directory to be a Vagrant environment by
creating an initial Vagrantfile if one doesn't already exist.
If box_name is given, it will prepopulate the config.vm.box setting in
the created Vagrantfile.
If box_url is given, it will prepopulate the config.vm.box_url setting
in the created Vagrantfile.
Note: if box_url is given, box_name should also be given.
'''
self._call_vagrant_command(['init', box_name, box_url])
def up(self, no_provision=False, provider=None, vm_name=None,
provision=None, provision_with=None):
'''
Launch the Vagrant box.
vm_name=None: name of VM.
provision_with: optional list of provisioners to enable.
provider: Back the machine with a specific provider
no_provision: if True, disable provisioning. Same as 'provision=False'.
provision: optional boolean. Enable or disable provisioning. Default
behavior is to use the underlying vagrant default.
Note: If provision and no_provision are not None, no_provision will be
ignored.
'''
provider_arg = '--provider=%s' % provider if provider else None
prov_with_arg = None if provision_with is None else '--provision-with'
providers_arg = None if provision_with is None else ','.join(provision_with)
# For the sake of backward compatibility, no_provision is allowed.
# However it is ignored if provision is set.
if provision is not None:
no_provision = None
no_provision_arg = '--no-provision' if no_provision else None
provision_arg = None if provision is None else '--provision' if provision else '--no-provision'
self._call_vagrant_command(['up', vm_name, no_provision_arg,
provision_arg, provider_arg,
prov_with_arg, providers_arg])
try:
self.conf(vm_name=vm_name) # cache configuration
except subprocess.CalledProcessError:
# in multi-VM environments, up() can be used to start all VMs,
# however vm_name is required for conf() or ssh_config().
pass
def provision(self, vm_name=None, provision_with=None):
'''
Runs the provisioners defined in the Vagrantfile.
vm_name: optional VM name string.
provision_with: optional list of provisioners to enable.
e.g. ['shell', 'chef_solo']
'''
prov_with_arg = None if provision_with is None else '--provision-with'
providers_arg = None if provision_with is None else ','.join(provision_with)
self._call_vagrant_command(['provision', vm_name, prov_with_arg,
providers_arg])
def reload(self, vm_name=None, provision=None, provision_with=None):
'''
Quoting from Vagrant docs:
> The equivalent of running a halt followed by an up.
> This command is usually required for changes made in the Vagrantfile to take effect. After making any modifications to the Vagrantfile, a reload should be called.
> The configured provisioners will not run again, by default. You can force the provisioners to re-run by specifying the --provision flag.
provision: optional boolean. Enable or disable provisioning. Default
behavior is to use the underlying vagrant default.
provision_with: optional list of provisioners to enable.
e.g. ['shell', 'chef_solo']
'''
prov_with_arg = None if provision_with is None else '--provision-with'
providers_arg = None if provision_with is None else ','.join(provision_with)
provision_arg = None if provision is None else '--provision' if provision else '--no-provision'
self._call_vagrant_command(['reload', vm_name, provision_arg,
prov_with_arg, providers_arg])
def suspend(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Suspend/save the machine.
'''
self._call_vagrant_command(['suspend', vm_name])
self._cached_conf[vm_name] = None # remove cached configuration
def resume(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Resume suspended machine.
'''
self._call_vagrant_command(['resume', vm_name])
self._cached_conf[vm_name] = None # remove cached configuration
def halt(self, vm_name=None, force=False):
'''
Halt the Vagrant box.
force: If True, force shut down.
'''
force_opt = '--force' if force else None
self._call_vagrant_command(['halt', vm_name, force_opt])
self._cached_conf[vm_name] = None # remove cached configuration
def destroy(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Terminate the running Vagrant box.
'''
self._call_vagrant_command(['destroy', vm_name, '--force'])
self._cached_conf[vm_name] = None # remove cached configuration
def status(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return the results of a `vagrant status` call as a list of one or more
Status objects. A Status contains the following attributes:
- name: The VM name in a multi-vm environment. 'default' otherwise.
- state: The state of the underlying guest machine (i.e. VM).
- provider: the name of the VM provider, e.g. 'virtualbox'. None
if no provider is output by vagrant.
Example return values for a multi-VM environment:
[Status(name='web', state='not created', provider='virtualbox'),
Status(name='db', state='not created', provider='virtualbox')]
And for a single-VM environment:
[Status(name='default', state='not created', provider='virtualbox')]
Possible states include, but are not limited to (since new states are
being added as Vagrant evolves):
- 'not_created' if the vm is destroyed
- 'running' if the vm is up
- 'poweroff' if the vm is halted
- 'saved' if the vm is suspended
- 'aborted' if the vm is aborted
Implementation Details:
This command uses the `--machine-readable` flag added in
Vagrant 1.5, mapping the target name, state, and provider-name
to a Status object.
Example with no VM name and multi-vm Vagrantfile:
$ vagrant status --machine-readable
1424098924,web,provider-name,virtualbox
1424098924,web,state,running
1424098924,web,state-human-short,running
1424098924,web,state-human-long,The VM is running. To stop this VM%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) you can run `vagrant halt` to\nshut it down forcefully%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) or you can run `vagrant suspend` to simply\nsuspend the virtual machine. In either case%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) to restart it again%!(VAGRANT_COMMA)\nsimply run `vagrant up`.
1424098924,db,provider-name,virtualbox
1424098924,db,state,not_created
1424098924,db,state-human-short,not created
1424098924,db,state-human-long,The environment has not yet been created. Run `vagrant up` to\ncreate the environment. If a machine is not created%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) only the\ndefault provider will be shown. So if a provider is not listed%!(VAGRANT_COMMA)\nthen the machine is not created for that environment.
Example with VM name:
$ vagrant status --machine-readable web
1424099027,web,provider-name,virtualbox
1424099027,web,state,running
1424099027,web,state-human-short,running
1424099027,web,state-human-long,The VM is running. To stop this VM%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) you can run `vagrant halt` to\nshut it down forcefully%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) or you can run `vagrant suspend` to simply\nsuspend the virtual machine. In either case%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) to restart it again%!(VAGRANT_COMMA)\nsimply run `vagrant up`.
Example with no VM name and single-vm Vagrantfile:
$ vagrant status --machine-readable
1424100021,default,provider-name,virtualbox
1424100021,default,state,not_created
1424100021,default,state-human-short,not created
1424100021,default,state-human-long,The environment has not yet been created. Run `vagrant up` to\ncreate the environment. If a machine is not created%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) only the\ndefault provider will be shown. So if a provider is not listed%!(VAGRANT_COMMA)\nthen the machine is not created for that environment.
Error example with incorrect VM name:
$ vagrant status --machine-readable api
1424099042,,error-exit,Vagrant::Errors::MachineNotFound,The machine with the name 'api' was not found configured for\nthis Vagrant environment.
Error example with missing Vagrantfile:
$ vagrant status --machine-readable
1424099094,,error-exit,Vagrant::Errors::NoEnvironmentError,A Vagrant environment or target machine is required to run this\ncommand. Run `vagrant init` to create a new Vagrant environment. Or%!(VAGRANT_COMMA)\nget an ID of a target machine from `vagrant global-status` to run\nthis command on. A final option is to change to a directory with a\nVagrantfile and to try again.
'''
# machine-readable output are CSV lines
output = self._run_vagrant_command(['status', '--machine-readable', vm_name])
return self._parse_status(output)
def _parse_status(self, output):
'''
Unit testing is so much easier when Vagrant is removed from the
equation.
'''
parsed = self._parse_machine_readable_output(output)
statuses = []
# group tuples by target name
# assuming tuples are sorted by target name, this should group all
# the tuples with info for each target.
for target, tuples in itertools.groupby(parsed, lambda tup: tup[1]):
# transform tuples into a dict mapping "type" to "data"
info = {kind: data for timestamp, _, kind, data in tuples}
status = Status(name=target, state=info.get('state'),
provider=info.get('provider-name'))
statuses.append(status)
return statuses
def conf(self, ssh_config=None, vm_name=None):
'''
Parse ssh_config into a dict containing the keys defined in ssh_config,
which should include these keys (listed with example values): 'User'
(e.g. 'vagrant'), 'HostName' (e.g. 'localhost'), 'Port' (e.g. '2222'),
'IdentityFile' (e.g. '/home/todd/.ssh/id_dsa'). Cache the parsed
configuration dict. Return the dict.
If ssh_config is not given, return the cached dict. If there is no
cached configuration, call ssh_config() to get the configuration, then
parse, cache, and return the config dict. Calling ssh_config() raises
an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or has been
destroyed.
vm_name: required in a Multi-VM Vagrant environment. This name will be
used to get the configuration for the named vm and associate the config
with the vm name in the cache.
ssh_config: a valid ssh confige file host section. Defaults to
the value returned from ssh_config(). For speed, the configuration
parsed from ssh_config is cached for subsequent calls.
'''
if self._cached_conf.get(vm_name) is None or ssh_config is not None:
if ssh_config is None:
ssh_config = self.ssh_config(vm_name=vm_name)
conf = self._parse_config(ssh_config)
self._cached_conf[vm_name] = conf
return self._cached_conf[vm_name]
def ssh_config(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return the output of 'vagrant ssh-config' which appears to be a valid
Host section suitable for use in an ssh config file.
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
vm_name: required in a multi-VM environment.
Example output:
Host default
HostName 127.0.0.1
User vagrant
Port 2222
UserKnownHostsFile /dev/null
StrictHostKeyChecking no
PasswordAuthentication no
IdentityFile /Users/todd/.vagrant.d/insecure_private_key
IdentitiesOnly yes
'''
# capture ssh configuration from vagrant
return self._run_vagrant_command(['ssh-config', vm_name])
def user(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return the ssh user of the vagrant box, e.g. 'vagrant'
or None if there is no user in the ssh_config.
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
'''
return self.conf(vm_name=vm_name).get('User')
def hostname(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return the vagrant box hostname, e.g. '127.0.0.1'
or None if there is no hostname in the ssh_config.
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
'''
return self.conf(vm_name=vm_name).get('HostName')
def port(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return the vagrant box ssh port, e.g. '2222'
or None if there is no port in the ssh_config.
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
'''
return self.conf(vm_name=vm_name).get('Port')
def keyfile(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return the path to the private key used to log in to the vagrant box
or None if there is no keyfile (IdentityFile) in the ssh_config.
E.g. '/Users/todd/.vagrant.d/insecure_private_key'
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
KeyFile is a synonym for IdentityFile.
'''
return self.conf(vm_name=vm_name).get('IdentityFile')
def user_hostname(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return a string combining user and hostname, e.g. 'vagrant@127.0.0.1'.
This string is suitable for use in an ssh commmand. If user is None
or empty, it will be left out of the string, e.g. 'localhost'. If
hostname is None, have bigger problems.
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
'''
user = self.user(vm_name=vm_name)
user_prefix = user + '@' if user else ''
return user_prefix + self.hostname(vm_name=vm_name)
def user_hostname_port(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Return a string combining user, hostname and port, e.g.
'vagrant@127.0.0.1:2222'. This string is suitable for use with Fabric,
in env.hosts. If user or port is None or empty, they will be left
out of the string. E.g. 'vagrant@localhost', or 'localhost:2222' or
'localhost'. If hostname is None, you have bigger problems.
Raises an Exception if the Vagrant box has not yet been created or
has been destroyed.
'''
user = self.user(vm_name=vm_name)
port = self.port(vm_name=vm_name)
user_prefix = user + '@' if user else ''
port_suffix = ':' + port if port else ''
return user_prefix + self.hostname(vm_name=vm_name) + port_suffix
def box_add(self, name, url, provider=None, force=False):
'''
Adds a box with given name, from given url.
force: If True, overwrite an existing box if it exists.
'''
force_opt = '--force' if force else None
cmd = ['box', 'add', name, url, force_opt]
if provider is not None:
cmd += ['--provider', provider]
self._call_vagrant_command(cmd)
def box_list(self):
'''
Run `vagrant box list --machine-readable` and return a list of Box
objects containing the results. A Box object has the following
attributes:
- name: the box-name.
- provider: the box-provider.
- version: the box-version.
Example output:
[Box(name='precise32', provider='virtualbox', version='0'),
Box(name='precise64', provider='virtualbox', version=None),
Box(name='trusty64', provider='virtualbox', version=None)]
Implementation Details:
Example machine-readable box listing output:
1424141572,,box-name,precise64
1424141572,,box-provider,virtualbox
1424141572,,box-version,0
1424141572,,box-name,python-vagrant-base
1424141572,,box-provider,virtualbox
1424141572,,box-version,0
Note that the box information iterates within the same blank target
value (the 2nd column).
'''
# machine-readable output are CSV lines
output = self._run_vagrant_command(['box', 'list', '--machine-readable'])
return self._parse_box_list(output)
def _parse_box_list(self, output):
'''
Remove Vagrant usage for unit testing
'''
# Parse box list output
# Cue snarky comment about how nice it would be if vagrant used JSON
# or even had a description of the machine readable output for each
# command
boxes = []
# initialize box values
name = provider = version = None
for timestamp, target, kind, data in self._parse_machine_readable_output(output):
if kind == 'box-name':
# finish the previous box, if any
if name is not None:
boxes.append(Box(name=name, provider=provider, version=version))
# start a new box
name = data # box name
provider = version = None
elif kind == 'box-provider':
provider = data
elif kind == 'box-version':
version = data
# finish the previous box, if any
if name is not None:
boxes.append(Box(name=name, provider=provider, version=version))
return boxes
def box_update(self, name, provider):
'''
Updates the box matching name and provider. It is an error if no box
matches name and provider.
'''
self._call_vagrant_command(['box', 'update', name, provider])
def box_remove(self, name, provider):
'''
Removes the box matching name and provider. It is an error if no box
matches name and provider.
'''
self._call_vagrant_command(['box', 'remove', name, provider])
def plugin_list(self):
'''
Return a list of Plugin objects containing the following information
about installed plugins:
- name: The plugin name, as a string.
- version: The plugin version, as a string.
- system: A boolean, presumably indicating whether this plugin is a
"core" part of vagrant, though the feature is not yet documented
in the Vagrant 1.5 docs.
Example output:
[Plugin(name='sahara', version='0.0.16', system=False),
Plugin(name='vagrant-login', version='1.0.1', system=True),
Plugin(name='vagrant-share', version='1.0.1', system=True)]
Implementation Details:
Example output of `vagrant plugin list --machine-readable`:
$ vagrant plugin list --machine-readable
1424145521,,plugin-name,sahara
1424145521,sahara,plugin-version,0.0.16
1424145521,,plugin-name,vagrant-share
1424145521,vagrant-share,plugin-version,1.1.3%!(VAGRANT_COMMA) system
Note that the information for each plugin seems grouped within
consecutive lines. That information is also associated sometimes with
an empty target name and sometimes with the plugin name as the target
name. Note also that a plugin version can be like '0.0.16' or
'1.1.3, system'.
'''
output = self._run_vagrant_command(['plugin', 'list', '--machine-readable'])
return self._parse_plugin_list(output)
def _parse_plugin_list(self, output):
'''
Remove Vagrant from the equation for unit testing.
'''
ENCODED_COMMA = '%!(VAGRANT_COMMA)'
plugins = []
# initialize plugin values
name = None
version = None
system = False
for timestamp, target, kind, data in self._parse_machine_readable_output(output):
if kind == 'plugin-name':
# finish the previous plugin, if any
if name is not None:
plugins.append(Plugin(name=name, version=version, system=system))
# start a new plugin
name = data # plugin name
version = None
system = False
elif kind == 'plugin-version':
if ENCODED_COMMA in data:
version, etc = data.split(ENCODED_COMMA)
system = (etc.strip().lower() == 'system')
else:
version = data
system = False
# finish the previous plugin, if any
if name is not None:
plugins.append(Plugin(name=name, version=version, system=system))
return plugins
def _parse_machine_readable_output(self, output):
'''
param output: a string containing the output of a vagrant command with the `--machine-readable` option.
returns: a dict mapping each 'target' in the machine readable output to
a dict. The dict of each target, maps each target line type/kind to
its data.
Machine-readable output is a collection of CSV lines in the format:
timestamp, target, kind, data
Target is a VM name, possibly 'default', or ''. The empty string
denotes information not specific to a particular VM, such as the
results of `vagrant box list`.
'''
# each line is a tuple of (timestamp, target, type, data)
# target is the VM name
# type is the type of data, e.g. 'provider-name', 'box-version'
# data is a (possibly comma separated) type-specific value, e.g. 'virtualbox', '0'
parsed_lines = [line.split(',', 3) for line in output.splitlines() if line.strip()]
return parsed_lines
def _parse_config(self, ssh_config):
'''
This lame parser does not parse the full grammar of an ssh config
file. It makes assumptions that are (hopefully) correct for the output
of `vagrant ssh-config [vm-name]`. Specifically it assumes that there
is only one Host section, the default vagrant host. It assumes that
the parameters of the ssh config are not changing.
every line is of the form 'key value', where key is a single token
without any whitespace and value is the remaining part of the line.
Value may optionally be surrounded in double quotes. All leading and
trailing whitespace is removed from key and value. Example lines:
' User vagrant\n'
' IdentityFile "/home/robert/.vagrant.d/insecure_private_key"\n'
Lines with '#' as the first non-whitespace character are considered
comments and ignored. Whitespace-only lines are ignored. This parser
does NOT handle using an '=' in options. Values surrounded in double
quotes will have the double quotes removed.
See https://github.com/bitprophet/ssh/blob/master/ssh/config.py for a
more compliant ssh config file parser.
'''
conf = dict()
started_parsing = False
for line in ssh_config.splitlines():
if line.strip().startswith('Host ') and not started_parsing:
started_parsing = True
if not started_parsing or not line.strip() or line.strip().startswith('#'):
continue
key, value = line.strip().split(None, 1)
# Remove leading and trailing " from the values
conf[key] = value.strip('"')
return conf
def _make_vagrant_command(self, args):
if self._vagrant_exe is None:
self._vagrant_exe = get_vagrant_executable()
if not self._vagrant_exe:
raise RuntimeError(VAGRANT_NOT_FOUND_WARNING)
# filter out None args. Since vm_name is None in non-Multi-VM
# environments, this quitely removes it from the arguments list
# when it is not specified.
return [self._vagrant_exe] + [arg for arg in args if arg is not None]
def _call_vagrant_command(self, args):
'''
Run a vagrant command. Return None.
args: A sequence of arguments to a vagrant command line.
'''
# Make subprocess command
command = self._make_vagrant_command(args)
with self.out_cm() as out_fh, self.err_cm() as err_fh:
subprocess.check_call(command, cwd=self.root, stdout=out_fh,
stderr=err_fh, env=self.env)
def _run_vagrant_command(self, args):
'''
Run a vagrant command and return its stdout.
args: A sequence of arguments to a vagrant command line.
e.g. ['up', 'my_vm_name', '--no-provision'] or
['up', None, '--no-provision'] for a non-Multi-VM environment.
'''
# Make subprocess command
command = self._make_vagrant_command(args)
with self.err_cm() as err_fh:
return compat.decode(subprocess.check_output(command, cwd=self.root,
env=self.env, stderr=err_fh))
class SandboxVagrant(Vagrant):
'''
Support for sandbox mode using the Sahara gem (https://github.com/jedi4ever/sahara).
'''
def _run_sandbox_command(self, args):
return self._run_vagrant_command(['sandbox'] + list(args))
def sandbox_commit(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Permanently writes all the changes made to the VM.
'''
self._run_sandbox_command(['commit', vm_name])
def sandbox_off(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Disables the sandbox mode.
'''
self._run_sandbox_command(['off', vm_name])
def sandbox_on(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Enables the sandbox mode.
This requires the Sahara gem to be installed
(https://github.com/jedi4ever/sahara).
'''
self._run_sandbox_command(['on', vm_name])
def sandbox_rollback(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Reverts all the changes made to the VM since the last commit.
'''
self._run_sandbox_command(['rollback', vm_name])
def sandbox_status(self, vm_name=None):
'''
Returns the status of the sandbox mode.
Possible values are:
- on
- off
- unknown
- not installed
'''
vagrant_sandbox_output = self._run_sandbox_command(['status', vm_name])
return self._parse_vagrant_sandbox_status(vagrant_sandbox_output)
def _parse_vagrant_sandbox_status(self, vagrant_output):
'''
Returns the status of the sandbox mode given output from
'vagrant sandbox status'.
'''
# typical output
# [default] - snapshot mode is off
# or
# [default] - machine not created
# if the box VM is down
tokens = [token.strip() for token in vagrant_output.split(' ')]
if tokens[0] == 'Usage:':
sahara_status = 'not installed'
elif "{} {}".format(tokens[-2], tokens[-1]) == 'not created':
sahara_status = 'unknown'
else:
sahara_status = tokens[-1]
return sahara_status
| {
"redpajama_set_name": "RedPajamaGithub"
} | 7,429 |
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