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Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash. Well, I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry. But life is made of little concessions. Let's just do this! I have English homework. You're still learning English? It's the language you speak. How dumb are you? You on my toilet because you don't know your place, and your place is nothing. So next time you stumble onto a toilet that feels too good for your ass, trust me, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you win, Jerry. You win! | |
No amount of genius can stop your dumb, mediocre, vacuous roots from digging into everything and everyone around you and draining them of any ability to fend you off. Well, it couldn't have been easy for you to say that. I appreciate it. While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, Morty. What do you think about that? I think my voice is annoying. It is, and it's your best quality. So true. Oh, is this your friend? Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb rat. Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes. | |
They all pay top dollar to come here and enjoy a consequence-free vacation. No death, no disease, no dismemberment. Can't even have a heart attack. Got it. The perfect place to take the most fragile being in the universe. I can tell you expect me to refute that, but it's right on the money. Shut up, Morty. You're 14. You watch videos of people on YouTube reacting to YouTube. I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy, hysterical bird brain humunculi. And I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart half the time because I don't go by height or age. | |
I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Jerry, well, I appreciate the sentiment. This is a huge waste of the last real fortune. Oh, I'm sorry. I just... It's cool, it's cool. Thanks, friend. Friend? Did you just say friend? What? What did I do? You idiot! I'm not your friend! Why did you think I was your friend? Look, these telepathic little bastards, they embed themselves in memories, and then they use those to multiply and spread out and take over planets. It's disgusting. Steve wasn't real? He's a real piece of shit. | |
Jerry, it's your house. Whatever you say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man can see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care, and even I notice. And that's when Malachi the Squid King rips off his face, and beneath it is my face. I liked it. Thank you, sir. Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. Motherf***er got two heads and three trunks. I did a pretty good job back there for a human cloaking device. Saved your ass. Alright, Morty. Don't break an arm and f*** yourself off. | |
So, you're half cold, unfeeling reptile, half also cold, equally unfeeling machine. Yes. Wow. So, your origin is what? You fell into a vat of redundancy? God damn! Oh my God! Is that you? What the hell are you doing? Camping. Oh look, Jerry finally found his people. All it took was a deep enough drip pan. You label these creatures unproductive, but I have given them more purpose than ever. Oh yeah? Are they filing your unemployment forms? His tongue is sharp, but it cannot whittle. | |
Stupid ass fart saving carpet store mother f***er. Move! Complimentary psychological detox removes all your cognitive toxins, purifies your system. Oh, is this guy on commission or something? I don't think... Are you on commission? We're not on commission. We get paid by the hour. There's no incentive really. Oh my God. Okay, listen. We'll try the machine, but I'd like you to try something. Try swallowing the giant ball of snot that's dangling around in the back of your throat. It's disgusting. Nobody wants to hear that. Ahem! Ahem! That's what you do. Okay, Rick, come on. Enough! | |
I'm gonna find some fuel and take a big fat Morty. That's my new word for s*** because of today's events. I wish he had the ability to chick his attitude. Alan Rails, ladies and gentlemen. After his parents' tragic death in a railroad accident, he gained the power to summon ghost trains. It's not all bad though. They were spared having to see their grown son wear a whistle. God damn! Thanks, Noob Noob. Behold, my wheel of better things than Morty. What? What are you, eight? Come on, anything. Anything but Morty. Let's go. Come on, baby. No whammies. Stop. Okay, that's it. Two crows. You're fired. | |
You know what? Eat s***. You're just trying to make me feel worthless. I never said you're worthless. In fact, I've given you a very clear metric of your worth. Two crows. Say goodbye to your precious dry land, for soon it will be wet. Wet! Yeah, global warming's already doing that, asshole, but sure, yeah, go for it. Make us slightly more wet. Am I a joke to you? Yes, you are a f***ing joke. You f***ing suck. You've always sucked. You know why we haven't fought in years? Because you're an embarrassment to me and I don't need you anymore. I don't need anybody. All I do is eat ass and 69 Nintendos, bro, every day. | |
Self-righteous piece of s***. You took my family. I took your family? Who do you think had more taken from them when you shot 20 cc's of liquid dream killer into my daughter? She was Rick's daughter, Jerry. She had options. Oof. That all ended because she felt sorry for you. You act like prey, but you're a predator. You use pity to lure in your victims. It's how you survive. I survive because I know everything. That snake survives because children wander off, and you survive because people think, | |
Oh, this poor piece of s***. He never gets a break. I can't stand the deafening silent wails of his wilting soul. I guess I'll hire him or marry him. Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! Rrrr! |
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