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As to prevent our maladies unseen,
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We sicken to shun sickness when we purge.
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Even so being full of your ne'er-cloying sweetness,
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To bitter sauces did I frame my feeding;
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And sick of welfare found a kind of meetness,
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To be diseased ere that there was true needing.
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Thus policy in love t' anticipate
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The ills that were not, grew to faults assured,
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And brought to medicine a healthful state
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Which rank of goodness would by ill be cured.
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But thence I learn and find the lesson true,
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Drugs poison him that so feil sick of you.
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119
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What potions have I drunk of Siren tears
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Distilled from limbecks foul as hell within,
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Applying fears to hopes, and hopes to fears,
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Still losing when I saw my self to win!
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What wretched errors hath my heart committed,
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Whilst it hath thought it self so blessed never!
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How have mine eyes out of their spheres been fitted
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In the distraction of this madding fever!
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O benefit of ill, now I find true
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That better is, by evil still made better.
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And ruined love when it is built anew
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Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater.
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So I return rebuked to my content,
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And gain by ills thrice more than I have spent.
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120
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That you were once unkind befriends me now,
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And for that sorrow, which I then did feel,
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Needs must I under my transgression bow,
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Unless my nerves were brass or hammered steel.
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For if you were by my unkindness shaken
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As I by yours, y'have passed a hell of time,
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And I a tyrant have no leisure taken
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To weigh how once I suffered in your crime.
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O that our night of woe might have remembered
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My deepest sense, how hard true sorrow hits,
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And soon to you, as you to me then tendered
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The humble salve, which wounded bosoms fits!
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But that your trespass now becomes a fee,
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Mine ransoms yours, and yours must ransom me.
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121
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'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,
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When not to be, receives reproach of being,
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And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed,
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Not by our feeling, but by others' seeing.
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For why should others' false adulterate eyes
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Give salutation to my sportive blood?
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Or on my frailties why are frailer spies,
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Which in their wills count bad what I think good?
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No, I am that I am, and they that level
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At my abuses, reckon up their own,
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I may be straight though they themselves be bevel;
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By their rank thoughts, my deeds must not be shown
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Unless this general evil they maintain,
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All men are bad and in their badness reign.
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122
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Thy gift, thy tables, are within my brain
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Full charactered with lasting memory,
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Which shall above that idle rank remain
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Beyond all date even to eternity.
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Or at the least, so long as brain and heart
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Have faculty by nature to subsist,
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Till each to razed oblivion yield his part
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Of thee, thy record never can be missed:
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That poor retention could not so much hold,
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Nor need I tallies thy dear love to score,
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Therefore to give them from me was I bold,
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To trust those tables that receive thee more:
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To keep an adjunct to remember thee
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Were to import forgetfulness in me.
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123
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No! Time, thou shalt not boast that I do change,
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Thy pyramids built up with newer might
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To me are nothing novel, nothing strange,
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They are but dressings Of a former sight:
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Our dates are brief, and therefore we admire,
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What thou dost foist upon us that is old,
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And rather make them born to our desire,
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Than think that we before have heard them told:
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Thy registers and thee I both defy,
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Not wond'ring at the present, nor the past,
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For thy records, and what we see doth lie,
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Made more or less by thy continual haste:
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This I do vow and this shall ever be,
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I will be true despite thy scythe and thee.
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124
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