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or ever , '' i tell him , crossing my arms to hide the fact that my heart is slamming against my ribcage at his approach . | [
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`` why not , sis ? '' | [
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he grins rakishly , taking a long drag of his smoke . | [
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`` because it 's creepy as hell , '' i reply , exasperated , tucking my long , ash blonde hair behind my ears . | [
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`` and it 's not even true . '' | [
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`` sure it is . | [
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for all intents and purposes , '' he shrugs . | [
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i 've known emerson sawyer for nearly four years , now . | [
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or , rather , i 've known of him for four years . | [
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our connecticut town has two elementary schools that feed into the same high school . | [
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emerson and i attended separate grade schools , which were pretty starkly divided between the richer and poorer families in town , but ended up at the same high school together . | [
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i noticed him the very first day of freshman year , when he mouthed off to our sex ed teacher for taking a hard line in favor of abstinence ( the most characteristically emerson thing ever ) . | [
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he , on the other hand , had no idea i existed . | [
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until this year , that is , when both of our lives-personal and social-got turned upside down . | [
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`` what 's the matter ? | [
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you ashamed to have a brother from the wrong side of the tracks ? '' | [
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emerson presses , jostling me out of my thoughts . | [
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`` do n't put that on me , '' i snap back , `` as if you can stand having a prissy rich girl for a would-be-sister . '' | [
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`` you are kind of a bummer , '' he says flatly , `` but if it makes you feel any better , it 's your personality i hold against you , not your money . '' | [
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i stare wordlessly at emerson , knocked into sullen silence once again by his masterful putdown . | [
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by now , but emerson has figured out exactly how to get to me . | [
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about two months ago , i got the shock of my life when my widower father , robert rowan , announced that , after four years of refusing to date , he had just met the new love of his life . | [
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her name was deborah , he told me . | [
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they 'd met at aa and `` really hit it off '' . | [
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he talked about her incessantly , stayed out all night like he was a teenager again , and generally weirded the hell out of me . | [
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after just two weeks , dad told me that he was in love , and wanted to introduce this deborah to me as soon as possible . | [
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i begrudgingly agreed to be around for dinner the following night to meet his mystery woman . | [
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we lost my mother sandy to a terrible car accident just before i started high school , so the idea of a new woman in my father 's life was a little hard to swallow . | [
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still , i did my best to put on a happy face and be as supportive as possible . | [
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i 've never been very good at saying `` no '' or standing up to my dad , so it 's not like i had much of a choice . | [
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as our doorbell rang the next night , signaling deborah 's grand entrance into our family 's life , my dad asked me to answer the door . | [
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it was n't until i was en route that he mentioned deborah 's son would also be joining us for dinner . | [
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when i swung open the door to welcome our guest and her plus one , i 'm surprised that my jaw did n't crack from hitting the floor so hard . | [
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there , standing on my doorstep , was emerson sawyer . | [
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and i could tell from the blank , disinterested look in his eye that he had no idea who i was . | [
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`` what 's this ? '' | [
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emerson interrupts my thoughts , grinning as he snatches the metallic flask out of my back pocket . | [
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a trail of sensation sears along the skin just above my belt as his fingers brush against my bare flesh . | [
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goosebumps spring up where his fingertips glanced against my body . | [
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it 's like my every cell is hard-wired to respond to him . | [
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i need to give each and every one of those cells a stern talking-to . | [
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emerson knocks back a slug of booze without checking to see what it is first , and lets out a raucous hoot as he tastes the strong whiskey . | [
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`` you brought the good stuff ! '' | [
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he crows , draping a muscled arm across my shoulder . | [
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`` this must be from daddy 's stash , huh ? '' | [
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`` give it back , sawyer , '' i demand , trying half-heartedly to push him away from me . | [
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if i 'm being perfectly honest , the feel of his hard , solid body against mine is something i 'll never stop secretly jonesing for-but he can never know that . | [
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`` come on , sis . | [
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sharing is caring , '' he teases , holding the flask up in the air , just out of my reach . | [
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mocking my height-or lack thereof-is one of his favorite hobbies . | [
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i sigh , refusing to engage in his game . | [
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sometimes , i miss the days where emerson did n't even know my name . | [
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we do n't go to a gigantic school-there are about three hundred kids in our senior class . | [
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so for the first three years of high school , i was able to harbor a huge , unrequited crush on emerson without ever actually having to speak to him . | [
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emerson 's a lacrosse player , part of the `` in '' crowd . | [
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because our school is so diverse , socio-economically speaking , popularity does n't depend on how much money your family has . | [
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if it did , i might actually be known around school as something other than `` that short girl who 's always drawing . '' | [
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but the gods of popularity did not decide to favor me , it would seem . | [
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my very petite , nerdy , soft-spoken self is just about invisible in the halls of mccarren high school . | [
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in fact , these days , the thing i 'm best known for there is being the daughter of the guy emerson 's `` hot mom '' is dating . | [
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oh , goody . | [
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`` just take the damn flask , '' i mutter , turning on my heel to go , `` i 'm out of here anyway . | [
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enjoy yourself , sawyer . '' | [
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but as i attempt to make my grand exit , emerson steps directly into my path , his staggeringly built body blocking my way . | [
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i collide with his muscular form , my hands landing flush against his abdomen . | [
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i have to swallow a moan as i feel his insanely cut six pack rippling beneath my fingers . | [
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i step quickly away , catching riley 's amused gaze . | [
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she knows all about my feelings for emerson , being my best friend and all . | [
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hopefully , the other dozen people here in this room ca n't see right through me , too . | [
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especially emerson himself . | [
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`` do n't be such a downer , '' he laughs , handing me the flask and extinguishing his smoke in someone 's discarded red cup . | [
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`` stay and have fun for once in your life . '' | [
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`` i 'm not a downer . | [
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you 're just a pain in the ass , '' i reply , snatching the flask out of his strong hands . | [
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`` hey . | [
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i had a very troubled childhood , '' he says over-dramatically , laying a hand over his heart and arranging his features into an anguished pout . | [
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`` i ca n't help myself . '' | [
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`` who am i , officer krupke ? '' | [
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i ask , laughing despite myself . | [
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`` give me a break . '' | [
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it 's no wonder emerson is so popular , with his wicked sense of humor , his bad boy good looks , and his devil-may-care attitude . | [
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he could have his pick of any girl in our school , of that much i am absolutely certain . | [
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i 've been keeping careful tabs on his romantic life for years now , and he definitely does n't seem to be the `` relationship type '' . | [
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he 's hanging out with a new girl every weekend , just about . | [
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and it seems that this weekend is no exception . | [
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`` hey emerson , '' a breathy voice says from over his shoulder . | [
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two thin , manicured hands slide around his torso from behind , and a beautiful , green-eyed face peeks around his built form . | [
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my heart clenches painfully as i recognize courtney haines , a gorgeous redheaded girl in our senior class . | [
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she 's our resident thespian , the beautiful star of every single school play , talent show , and choir concert . | [
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she 'll probably head to new york after graduation and become some broadway sensation . | [
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but right now , she seems pretty happy in the role of girl who gets to make out with emerson sawyer tonight . | [
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i have to admit , i would be too . | [
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stop that , i chide myself , shaking off my discomfort . | [
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you 're not allowed to like him like that anymore . | [
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your parents are dating . | [
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plus , he thinks of you as an annoying little gnat ... when he thinks of you at all . | [
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get a grip , abby . | [
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`` hey riley . | [
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hey abby , '' courtney haines says , draping emerson 's arm over her shoulder . | [
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`` glad you guys could make it to my little shindig ! '' | [
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