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`` mmm , '' he mutters , noncommittally , `` it 's true , i did only swing by to train the new recruit at cooper 's request .
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if i could have known that you were the new recruit , well ... '' `` well what ? ''
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i ask , leaning my elbows on the island .
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he glances over his shoulder at me , smiling .
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`` maybe i would n't have bought a return ticket , in the end . ''
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i 'm torn between elation and trepidation .
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best not force the issue of what 's going to happen between us once my training is complete and focus on the moment at hand .
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i watch as emerson grills two delectable salmon fillets , blanches some broccoli rabe , and prepares a small batch of pesto pasta .
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the food smells amazing , the wine is fantastic , and i 'm here with one of my favorite people on earth .
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today may have been a little bit rough , but it sure is shaping up nicely .
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if i try real hard , i can pretend that this is what my life is like every day , and forget that this is just a fleeting anomaly .
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`` here we go , '' emerson says proudly , plating our food and nodding toward the terrace .
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`` shall we ? ''
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i follow him out onto the secluded patio with roxie right on my heels .
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we settle down at a little table beneath a canopy of string lights and overgrown ivy .
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i know i should n't get attached to this place , this feeling , but i ca n't help it .
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this is all so ... perfect .
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and that 's even before i taste the food .
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`` oh my god ... '' i murmur , taking my first bite of perfectly grilled salmon .
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`` better than my risotto , even ? ''
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emerson asks , helping himself to his meal .
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`` i never would have thought it possible but , yes , '' i exclaim , savoring the taste .
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`` i kept up with the hobby , '' he says modestly , `` spending a bit of time in france certainly whipped my cooking skills into shape . ''
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`` you lived in france ? ''
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i ask , wide-eyed .
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`` oh yeah , '' he nods , `` france , england , spain , even finland for a while . ''
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`` damn , '' i whistle , `` i 've been in the same apartment since i was eighteen . ''
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`` nothing wrong with having roots , '' he replies .
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`` yeah ... '' i murmur , thinking of my grandparents ' threat to tear those roots right out from under me .
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we savor our incredible meal , the fine wine , each other 's company-and of course the delightful presence of roxie .
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it 's shaping up to be a pretty good first day at the new job after all , even if this is strictly extra-curricular .
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the evening wears on , a couple more glasses of wine are poured , and emerson even manages to find a record we can both agree on-iron and wine , an old favorite of ours .
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we retire back into the loft , and i meander about the space at my leisure , taking in all the little details that make his house a home .
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`` i 'd offer you a grand tour , '' emerson says , watching me from the center of the room , `` but this is pretty much it . ''
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`` what about in there ? ''
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i ask , nodding toward the bedroom door .
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`` you trying to get a peek at my bedroom , rowan ? ''
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he asks , grinning .
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`` maybe i am , sawyer , '' i shrug , `` unless you 're afraid of me finding your playboy stash or something . ''
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`` this from the girl who kept a vibrator within arm 's length through her entire adolescence , '' he laughs , walking toward his room .
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`` i have needs , ok ? ''
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i exclaim , feigning defensiveness .
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`` is that so ? ''
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he replies , his voice going raspy around the edges as he pauses in the doorway of his bedroom .
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the delicious wine has lowered both of our inhibitions , and my body comes alive as i feel us transitioning into the more ... sensual part of the evening .
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we have n't mentioned our steamy kiss from this weekend , yet , but we seem to be coming back around to right where we left off .
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emerson 's blue eyes flash with desire as i step up to him , resting a hand on the firm panes of his chest .
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`` you know about my needs better than anyone , '' i say softly , trailing my fingers down his cut , defined torso .
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`` mmm .
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we 'll just have to see what we can do about them , then , '' he murmurs , catching my wrist .
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my eyes go wide as he draws my hand to his full lips and takes the tip of my finger into his mouth .
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i feel his tongue brush against my fingertip , remember what it felt like to feel his mouth other places ... and break off into his room , chest pounding .
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it 's a small , simple space with high ceilings and a huge king bed front and center .
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a sleek dresser and wide window round out the space , and a few well-placed keepsakes make it feel like a sacred space .
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i trail my fingers along the dresser , setting down my drained glass of wine .
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i 'm just on the far edge of tipsy , and my cares are swirling away by the second .
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there are a few framed pictures on the dresser , and my stomach turns to see an old wedding photo .
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it is n't of our parents ' ridiculous ceremony , of course , but i do recognize a much-younger deb .
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this must be from her first wedding to emerson 's father , a man who looks remarkably like the one standing next to me now .
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deb looks so happy .
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healthy , even .
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it breaks my heart to think of what her life has become .
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i tear my eyes away from the old picture and notice that a second frame holds not a photograph , but a drawing .
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it only takes a split second for me to recognize it , and as soon as i do , i feel my hand fly to my lips .
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there , on emerson 's dresser , is the sketch of him i drew when we were kids , the one i gave to him on his eighteenth birthday .
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the drawing features him in half-profile , looking serious and sure .
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i worked on this piece for hours-days , even-before giving it to him in that seaside motel room .
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it 's been preserved perfectly , lovingly , and for a spell i 'm too moved to speak .
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two strong arms wrap around my waist from behind as i stare at the picture of teenage emerson , drawn by my very own hand .
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i clasp his hands where they rest against my body , letting my head lean back against his chest .
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`` you kept it , '' i whisper , turning my face toward his .
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`` of course , '' he murmurs , resting his cheek against the top of my head .
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`` that picture has traveled the world with me .
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i 've kept it in every home i 've ever lived in , from my little apartment in philly to my flat in london .
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every time i get to thinking that i do n't deserve my success , that i 'm just some punk kid who 's pulling one over on the rest of the world , i just look at this picture .
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it 's always reminded me that there 's someone in the world who thinks i 'm strong , and worthy .
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someone who loved me , once . ''
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`` loves you , '' i whisper , turning to face him , `` not loved .
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loves .
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present tense . ''
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`` i thought i was supposed to be the teacher this week , '' he murmurs , running his hands down the sides of my body .
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`` what are you doing giving me a grammar lesson ? ''
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`` oh , i think we both still have plenty to teach each other , emerson , '' i say , taking his scruffy , sculpted face in my hands .
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`` you mean it , then ? ''
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he asks , grabbing hold of my slender hips .
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`` you ... you still ... ? ''
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`` i love you , emerson , '' i whisper , letting those blue eyes swallow me whole .
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`` i always have .
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i always will . ''
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`` thank god , '' he grins , pulling me to him , `` 'unrequited ' is n't a good shade on me . ''
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`` you mean ... '' i breathe .
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`` i love you too , abby , '' he says , `` but right now , i need you too much to waste another second talking about it . ''
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`` fine by me , '' i murmur .
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i throw my arms around emerson 's shoulders as he brings his lips to mine .
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he scoops me up into his arms as his powerful jaw works my mouth wide open .
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i clasp my ankles around his tapered waist , and he bears my weight as if it were nothing .
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his tongue glides against mine , caressing it , as he spins me around in the air , laying me out flat across his king bed .
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he lowers his staggering body to mine , encompassing me , subsuming me .
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i can feel his every muscle ripple as we move together , a tangle of limbs and lust .
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i bury my fingers in his hair , letting my tongue sweep against his as his hands roam down the length of my body .
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