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The woman startles obviously not having heard Rin's approach. She is a lovely young woman with long black hair that reaches her waist. She has on a beautiful red dress that would be long enough to cover her legs completely if not for the rip that spans up to the middle of her thigh. When she realizes she’s been seen sh... |
Abruptly, Rin becomes aware of the threatening visage he must make: a large stranger looming over her in the darkness. He takes a hasty step back to allow the light to wash over his face and attempts a smile that he hopes is comforting rather than frightening. He holds his hands to the side for a moment to show that th... |
"Are you alright, miss?" He asks her again. |
She only stares blankly for a moment before she seems to grasp her surroundings a bit more when, slowly, she nods, "I’m alright." |
"Are you sure?" The woman immediately tenses, defensive the instant he questions her. "Forgive me, ma’am, but I don’t usually see women crying in dark alleyways alone. Um, unless you’re enjoying yourself, in which case I’ll leave you alone. But if it’s a fun night-time activity perhaps I should try it." He babbles ridi... |
The woman laughs, and Rin’s smile relaxes into one that feels more natural. She is still tense but for the moment he has succeeded in getting her to soften a bit. |
He asks, "Shall I join you then?" |
She gestures to the empty space next to her wordlessly, slouching her head back into her knees where they are pulled tight against her chest. The tear in her dress makes this position look rather indecent, but she doesn’t seem to be bothered by it; Rin keeps his eyes on the wall opposite them. |
He wonders if he should speak again as the silence stretches but she takes in an especially shaky breath and begins to speak: "You’re right, it’s just–" She looks like she’s trying not to cry again and failing supremely. "It’s just my husband kicked me out and..." Suddenly her sorrowful expression morphs to rage and sh... |
"Whoa, hey, it’s okay," Rin coos gently, he can see that she’s working herself up again. She stops and nods; she closes her eyes tightly and bites her lip as she’s once more overtaken by her weeping. He gives her a moment to steady herself before asking kindly, "What’s your name? I’m Rin." |
She lets out a shuddering exhale, "Aria." |
Rin smiles tenderly, "That’s a very beautiful name." She returns his smile weakly. "Do you... have anywhere to go?" He asks carefully. It’s not dark yet, but it will be soon and Rin knows he can’t leave her here in the street. |
She shakes her head quite pitifully. |
"If you’re comfortable, my house is around the corner. I’ve got food and a warm bed that you’re welcome to." She narrows her eyes at him suspiciously. He puts his hand to his chest, "I only mean to give you respite for the night, Aria; I swear it." |
"And tomorrow?" She asks with a bitter laugh, shaking her head. |
"We’ll worry about that tomorrow, yeah?" |
After a moment of consideration, a small smile forms on her face and this is the first one that feels genuine. Rin counts it as a victory and answers with his own. He knows she’ll agree but he waits for her affirmation anyway. She nods slowly, "I’d appreciate that greatly." |
Rin stands and offers a hand down to her. She hesitates only a short moment before she takes his hand and allows him to pull her easily to her feet. She surprises him by taking his arm but he barely pauses as he begins to lead her back down his street. She moves a bit slowly and Rin stays near in case she needs him to ... |
They reach his door and she doesn’t release his arm as he unlocks it (Ghost was appalled to learn that Rin never locked it before) and he leads her into the main room to deposit her onto the sofa gently. "Sit tight, I’ll get a bath for you if it’s alright?" She nods and seems to be studying now. He feels his cheeks hea... |
Rin contemplates Ghost’s collection of dried herbs trying to remember which ones he’d been told might help soothe and relax the distressed woman. Ghost has told him what all of these herbs do if only he could recall... Lavender and chamomile are the only ones he’s sure of and he knows Ghost won’t mind if he uses a bit.... |
He returns to the main room and finds Aria in the kitchen furiously wiping her cheeks with a cheap tea towel. "Ah," he hurries over and takes her wrist delicately, "there’s no need for that. This will wash right off in a hot bath," he assures her. She allows his hand to trace her skin soothingly where it looks painfull... |
He releases her, steps back, and motions towards the washroom. "If you need anything I’m sure you can find it in there or just ask, and I..." He trails off awkwardly and then leads her silently to the washroom when words fail him. Her eyes flicker calculatedly between the wash basin and the clothes in his hand. |
The silence swells uneasily and Rin clutches the clothes against his chest and palms his fingers through his hair with his free hand. "Um..." He says cleverly and avoids eye contact; the tension doesn’t feel uncomfortable, more like nervous and jittery, "I’m sorry about the clothes, they’re probably much too big but it... |
His rambling is cut off very unexpectedly by Aria as she essentially tackles him (she doesn’t even match a quarter of his bulk; it’s the touch and not the force of her movement that startles him) and wraps her arms around his waist tightly. |
Rin is frozen in place as Aria shoves her face into his chest. He becomes aware of his breath where it has locked in his chest and he tries to release it, his next one comes only with excruciating effort. His mind is absolutely racing. She’s hugging him? Why is she hugging him? Should he hug back? What should he do wit... |
Rin decides he should return the gesture before he misses his opportunity – possibly for the next twenty years if the rate stays the same – and settles one arm around her shoulders, bringing his other hand to cradle the back of her neck gently. He’s afraid to put too much pressure there, like it may cause her to realiz... |
Aria stays, though, and after a moment he feels her release a heavy sigh into his shirt. "Thank you," she says. Suppose that explains why she hugged him? |
"It’s really no trouble, ma’am," he mutters as she slowly pulls back. Her arms drop like dead weights to her side and he allows his own body to come away from hers with only a little – more than a little – regret at the loss of contact. |
"You’re a kind man," she tells him, but any warmth he feels from this compliment is put out with the icy bucket of what she says next. "Everyone in town is wrong about you." |
Rin’s eyes sting at the mention of his unjust reputation, knowing that this woman has heard the people of his beloved ward gossiping about unfounded rumors. "I–" he tries to speak but his voice comes out rough and raw so he closes his mouth tightly. He clears his throat and whispers, "I’ll just... be in the kitchen if ... |
Rin goes about the motions of finishing the preparations of their meal mechanically. He doesn’t even realize that he’s almost done when he feels Aria’s presence behind him. He’s become so accustomed to being alone over the years that another person entering his space draws as much attention as a monsoon might. |
He turns to address Aria as she comes into the kitchen but he finds that his brain has completely sputtered out at the sight of her in nothing but his winter sweater. It’s so large on her that it could be a short dress; it reaches just above her knees. His mental capacities return to him, though his heart still feels l... |
"Hungry?" he asks. |
As she walks closer to him his gaze involuntarily draws back to her; she tucks her still-damp hair behind her ear and crosses her arms over her chest. This motion causes the shirt to rise up a bit revealing more smooth, tan skin. "Starving," she answers softly as she comes to stand right next to him. Maybe it’s imagine... |
He does neither. He allows her to occupy his space as she pleases and he checks his rice. |
"It smells nice," she inhales deeply and leans her crossed arms onto the countertop. She seems comfortable, at least. |
"Yeah," Rin smiles softly, reflecting back on the precious memories of shared meals from his early youth. "The woman who raised me, Maggie, would always cook this for me when I was sick or upset. She called it "comfort food.’ It definitely comforted me." He shrugs and closes the lid on the rice. She follows his motions... |
"You call her Maggie? She’s not your mom?" Aria asks. |
Rin shakes his head, tapping the wooden spoon on the edge of the pan. "No, I don’t know who my parents are," he answers simply. "All I remember is Maggie, but she... she died when I was young, so–" His throat becomes too tight to continue speaking for a moment. Rin isn’t sure if the grief and guilt and regret will ever... |
"I’m sorry," Aria says genuinely and places her hand over his. This gives him pause; he isn’t sure what to make of such easy physical contact. How has he gone years without a friend, only to find two within the span of a couple of months? |
There’s a heavy silence between them for a moment, but Rin manages to pull himself together enough to remember their circumstances. He clears his throat softly. "Aria, if you want to talk about anything I’d be more than happy to listen." Her posture stiffens and her face immediately morphs into apprehensive discomfort ... |
Aria smiles sadly, "Thanks, Rin." She doesn’t say anything for a long moment and Rin lets the silence permeate the space this time. It’s obvious she’s working through her thoughts and eventually, she gives a choked-up sound that was probably supposed to pass as a laugh. "It’s stupid, really. My husband asked me to wash... |
Rin checks that every dish is finished as he listens to her rant. The rice is fluffy, the gravy thickened to the perfect consistency, and the beef has reached the ideal shade. Rin moves everything to the large dining table along with freshly baked bread and pulls out a chair for Aria, motioning her to take a seat. He ... |
"It wasn’t his fault! He– He tries to teach me the things I was never able to learn, I just... mess up all the time. If it’s not dinner, it’s the laundry. Or the floors. Or I wear the wrong clothes and a man at the market looks at me. He gets jealous very easily... I know it’s only because he loves me, but–" She seems... |
Rin eats next to her in a more relaxed manner. Her reaction warms him more than the food; it feels so good to see someone enjoy something that he spent time to create. Ghost rarely needs anything from him, so, though, they have a partnership that Rin is very satisfied with he’s never felt as depended on as he does at t... |
Aria suddenly seems quite shocked, staring at her plate in astonishment as if it’s showing her her worst fears and wildest dreams all at once. "I am so sorry. How rude of me, I–" She snaps her mouth closed and twists her hands in her lap. |
"Would you like some more?" Rin asks her, already reaching out to serve her seconds. |
"I– Really?" Her expression looks disconcertingly hopeful. "No! No, I shouldn’t. Truthfully, I shouldn’t have eaten as much as I have already. I can’t remember the last time I had such a large meal," she laughs as if she’s said something funny, "Malachi will surely say I'm getting too round–" |
Rin feels his heart break and then become overwhelmed with anger all at once. "That’s ridiculous!" He doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but he’s afraid he has regardless. "I don’t assume to know your husband, but I do need to say that any decent man would never treat someone the way he has treated you. Especially his wi... |
Rin resurfaces to reality to find his houseguest staring at him with a stunned expression. He instantly makes an effort to calm his breathing and relax his posture. "Forgive me, ma’am, I’ve overstepped my bounds." He bows his head; he can still feel how hot his face is and knows it must be read. "If you’ll just excuse ... |
At the sink, he splashes cool water on his face and it helps calm him down. How could someone treat another person – someone they love! – so abhorrently? He reaches over for a towel to wipe his face dry but instead of the rough fabric he seeks, he finds a soft warm hand meet his. |
A shiver runs down his spine at the contact that he is so deprived of. He turns towards Aria with his face still dripping; he can feel the drops of water as they catch on his lashes. Aria’s eyes are soft and easy as she picks up the towel herself and begins to dab Rin’s face. Once his face is dry, she moves her empty h... |
Tingles start at his scalp and spread throughout his entire body. She speaks softly, "I do not wish to overstep my bounds," her eyes flick down his face, "so... Stop me before I get to that point." Then she’s pulling his head down with her grip on his hair and raising up to press her lips against his. |
He feels like his heart is blooming in his chest under Aria’s kiss. Rin feels like he’s floating and he spreads his fingers around her waist to anchor himself to the ground – to her. A stronger sensation, like suffocating, like fire burning him from the inside out. It reminds him of the heat of the first dish Ghost had... |
Fuck, he should not be thinking of Ghost in this moment. |
Apparently, being that Ghost has been the only person in Rin’s thoughts for weeks, his brain isn’t amenable to stopping that activity just because he’s got someone else pushing their body firmly into his chest. |
"Wait," Rin breaks away from her; she chases after him as much as she can but he’s much taller and holds her at arm’s length. "You’re going through a lot of emotions right now and I–" She hasn’t stopped tugging on his shirt to pull him closer but he has to make sure she’s listening. He moves his hands up to her cheeks,... |
There isn’t a trace of doubt in her fierce eyes as she grips his wrists and pulls them down to her own chest. "I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life." |
Minutes, hours, days passed; Rin lost count. His skin burned from the warmth and friction of their shared pleasure. He basked in the feeling of touch he so rarely got a taste of now given so freely. In the end, Aria was satisfied in more ways than one. Rin was as well– maybe not in the traditional sense of how most peo... |
Until she left. |
Rin smiled lazily against the pillow when he felt the sheets move as Aria sat up in bed. He was still feeling hazy and an intoxicating warmth continued to suffuse his body. The feeling ran cold quickly as he noticed her expression as she pulled away, refusing to make eye contact with him. Rin shouldn’t be surprised by ... |
"Where are you going?" He asks, propping up on his arm. There is no light outside yet, sunrise is probably hours away. |
"I should go," she says softly, hastily pulling on her undergarments with shaky hands. |
Rin’s frown deepened. "Not...back to him, I hope?" How could she do this? Touch him like that; feel him like that? Build up hope in his chest to the point of overflowing and then– What? Go back to him? |
She looks at him in annoyance and his heart withers further, still. "No," she says as she pulls his sweater over her head, "my sister never approved of my husband. She’s always told me that I could stay with her if I ever left him. I should get going; it’s quite a journey." |
Rin misses her smile but it’s nowhere to be seen now. Desperate for a glimpse of it again, he attempts to soften her. He catches her wrist in a gentle grasp as she comes within his reach. "You should get some rest first. Come back to–" But she shrugs his hand off without looking at him. |
Aria runs her hands through her hair as her feet carry her across the room to the door. She still has no shoes but she’s pulled on some of his brown trousers and tied a knot at the waist; Rin does not object. "No, I should not have done this. I’m sorry, but this was a mistake. I am not this kind of woman. I hate this... |
She cuts him off with a small slashing motion of her hand. "I’m going now." She opens the door but hesitates before crossing the threshold. "I meant what I said, you know?" Her tone has returned to something more tender but it does nothing to renew the feeling of hope in Rin’s chest; he can feel the finality of this mo... |
He hears his bedroom door close and then his front door shortly after. Tingles return to his body but this time the feeling is behind his eyes and not swelling his chest. He numbly collapses back down, consumed by the darkness and silence of his surroundings–of his house. It’s never felt less like a home than at this... |
Rin thinks he never had a home to begin with. |
The rest of the night passes fitfully; maybe he slept and maybe he didn’t. He lost track of the difference at some point and then the sun was rising. Rin migrated his moping from his bed to the knoll between the city wall and the forest. At least here he didn’t feel like his thoughts were rotting him on the outside as ... |
He wishes he could have talked to Aria; to tell her that he’s sorry. He wants to make sure she knows it’s not because of her that he didn’t... Well, to explain that he’s sorry he doesn’t feel at home in his body and that it wasn’t because of her that their activities didn’t result in an ordinary culmination. He’d hoped... |
Rin just wants, so badly, for someone – anyone – to want him! Well and truly want him and see him as something other than a monster, other than the ghoul that haunts the town. He’d fooled himself into thinking he had that for a moment but when the world comes crashing down, he’s left scrambling to find his footing. I... |
Maybe that’s why he couldn’t...finish with Aria. He’d like to think it’s because he was so focused on her, her pleasure and happiness, but maybe that’s a delusion. Maybe it’s because it didn’t actually feel good. Maybe it never will feel good when he hates himself so much. |
A shadow suddenly covers him, blackening the soft red haze behind his eyelids. "Are you okay?" asks a familiar voice. Rin squints one eye open to find Ghost gazing down at him. He’s bent over at the waist, head tilted in a comically exaggerated manner. |
Rin is surprised to see him and then feels overwhelmed with another wave of self-loathing. He had practically been counting down the minutes until Ghost’s return, yet he’d abandoned thoughts of him completely while he was drowning in his own useless misery. The regret and guilt that had locked him in a chokehold last n... |
He feels a strong urge to jump up and wrap his arms around Ghost in a crushing hug but he feels ripped open and raw. For once he wants no touch but the blades of grass below him, between his fingers and tangling in his hair. He closes his eyes against the shine of Ghost’s open gaze; it burns brighter than any sun ever ... |
Rin hears Ghost release a sigh as heavy as he himself feels and takes a place beside him. "Whichever," he says as he settles himself in a mirror of Rin’s position. |
Rin can feel Ghost’s hair where it touches his own joining the grass in its comforting entanglement. Rin shrugs, "Honestly, both are shit." |
Ghost snorts at the rare use of profanity. "Did something happen?" Rin lets the question lie for a moment; he knows Ghost will wait for his response patiently. He wants to linger in this moment of comfortable closeness. He can picture Ghost’s face now, eyes scrunched against the blazing sun, he can imagine his fingers ... |
"There was this woman," Rin begins in a soft voice. "She was in a pretty bad situation at home and she needed help." His thoughts are so jumbled they feel like a swirling storm in his mind. |
"Okay," Ghost acknowledges. His simple, nonjudgemental tone – hell, just Ghost himself – envelopes Rin like some sort of magic and every frayed edge inside him smooths over. |
He takes a deep breath to continue, "So, I did. I thought I was doing a good thing. I gave her a meal, and a place to sleep, and... Maybe this is thinking a bit highly of myself, but I hope I gave her the confidence she needed to safely leave her situation." |
Ghost seems to be waiting for the rest of the story, but Rin just lays there collecting his breath from the emotions that came along with his words. When a better explanation doesn’t come: "Well, that’s good! That sounds good," he assures Rin. "I think you really helped her. So... what’s the problem?" |
"The problem," Rin groans as he throws his arm over his face to cover his eyes, "is that I slept with her." |
Silence ensues. Rin holds his breath, but Ghost doesn’t make a noise for a moment. Time stretches agonizingly but Rin is sure no more than a few seconds have passed. Then Ghost simply says, "Oh." |
Great; now he’s done it. He’s ruined everything. Now Ghost will see him for everything he really is. He’s going to jerk away from him and tell him the truth. Of course, she left you! You are and always will be unloveable. You make everything worse just by being you! |
"Okay, let’s back up a little, I feel like I’m missing something. Tell me what happened." |
Rin blinks, momentarily stupified, and then tells him. |
Ghost listens to the whole story attentively. "Okay, well I don’t think you did anything to pressure her or anything like that." |
"Oh gods, I didn’t even think of that! Of course, I did! I pressured a married woman into having sex with me and then–" Rin cuts himself off as he slams both of his palms into his face, pushing physically against the tears trying to burst from his eyes. "I am a terrible person." |
"Okay, buddy," Ghost shifts in the grass, and now his cooing voice is coming from above Rin. He sounds like he’s trying to calm a panicking horse. "If that wasn’t what you were concerned about, then what is it?" |
"She..." Rin shakes his head and moves his hands down to look up at Ghost. The tears burn behind his eyes insistently but he has no energy to hold them back. Ghost’s hands hover over Rin’s wrist as if meaning to uncover his face but then reels himself in without making contact. Rin doesn’t know if Ghost’s touch would m... |
"Oh," Ghost mutters in a more understanding tone, but it does nothing to assuage Rin’s tears. That in itself is odd and it terrifies him. These last few weeks with Ghost he’s felt almost... whole. Ghost is always a comfort to Rin but if he can’t fix him, who can? |
Rin can hear Ghost’s movements as he crawls just a little closer, not to touch him but just to get closer, and slouches down into a cross-legged position. "I think," Ghost begins, "That when you trusted someone and allowed yourself to be vulnerable with them and they rejected you... You showed them a part of yourself a... |
"Really?" Rin turns his head so that he can see Ghost in his periphery but is not yet able to meet his eyes. "So, what would you do? If it were you?" |
"If it were me, I would... not do that in the first place," he answers jovially. Leave it to Ghost to answer with nothing but absolute honesty. |
Rin laughs, rough and wet and ugly; Ghost chuckles as well. Rin wipes his eyes as he turns to face his friend completely. His sorrowful tears are replaced with a delirious sort of amusement. |
"But I think it’s great that you can be so open with your big feelings," Ghost tells him earnestly. "And, by the way, you are not a terrible person. Trust me, I know when someone is bad, and you... are probably the furthest thing from it that I’ve ever met. Just," he pauses, "try not to let your feelings carry you a... |
Rin studies his hands, self-consciously avoiding Ghost’s thoughtful gaze. His throat still feels tight and he knows his face is red and splotchy. "What if I can’t?" he whispers, he finally brings his eyes up to lock with his housemate’s– his friend, his...everything. "What if they wash me out to sea and I can’t get bac... |
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