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She slurred her response, and when he prompted her to repeat herself she tilted her head back, peering at him through slitted eyes as she murmured "of course."
Astarion traced his hands lower, grazing her thigh. "And you know I love you, don’t you?"
Her brow furrowed. "What are you planning?"
"Nothing terrible, my love." He hesitated, his hand hovering on her leg. Since he had freed himself, since he had confessed the entirety of his shadowed heart to her and she had accepted him in full, he hadn’t been able to resist slipping into her bedroll each night. Not always for sex, not when he usually wanted some modicum of privacy for that and often spirited her far from their camp so their companions did not hear the sounds of her pleasure. 
Aspen had long since grown more comfortable with him, in many ways, and at night she often discarded her trousers as she slept, wearing nothing but a long tunic that nearly reached her knees. It would be such an easy task to lift up the hem of her tunic, to stroke the sensitive flesh between her thighs until she was ready for him.
, love," she murmured, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "Tell me what’s on your mind."
"It’s nothing much, only..." He trailed off, deciding to start slowly, reaching beneath the hem of her tunic to stroke the plush skin of her inner thigh. "Is it alright if I continue?"
Aspen’s eyes snapped open, holding his for a long, long while, surveying his face in the dark. She was human, and he wasn’t sure how much she could make out in the shadows, even with the light of the fire flickering nearby. But whatever she saw seemed to appease her, and her eyes closed once more. "Yes, love, it is."
He dragged his fingers higher, keeping his touch light.
"Do you want me to do anything? Would you like me to help with your clothes?" She moved her hands to his chest, her movements slow and muddled from sleep.
"No my darling." He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I just want you to lie still and feel
"Are you certain? Are you truly sure, because I can-"
Astarion brought his lips to hers, cutting off her argument before she could finish it.
She was breathless as he broke away, and he couldn’t help but smile at how flustered he’d already made her. "I am very sure, darling. This is something that
"Okay." Her voice was small, her hands gripping his shirt tight.
need you to do something for me, pet."
Fatigue must have been a powerful opponent, because Aspen fought to keep her eyes open for more than a moment at a time, even as she spoke. "Anything."
He grinned. "Spread your legs a little wider for me."
She did as she was asked, and Astarion sighed in contentment as he began stroking his fingers along the soft skin at the apex of her thighs. Slowly at first, although he would be lying if he said he did not move quicker as her breaths turned ragged, her lips parting so prettily for him. He circled her clit with a featherlight touch, then again, with more force. She moaned, leaning into him, and he felt his own body responding in kind, tension growing in his core, heat spreading through him.
Aspen writhed beside him, her neck arching, her chest heaving. Even in the dark he could make out the colour spreading across her cheeks, reaching below the collar of her tunic.
"I’m going to get rid of this now, okay?" He murmured next to her ear and she nodded furiously, lifting her arms to make it easier for him as he peeled it away from her body.
"Good girl," he breathed, smug as she whimpered. 
Her thighs twitched, her hips moving of their own accord, and it was with his other hand that he had to steady her, pressing her down so she could not move. "Hold still, darling. Didn’t I tell you I wanted you to lie still?"
Another whimper, a breathy
as she trembled.
He chuckled, drawing his hand away to lick his fingers clean. "I’ve hardly touched you, and you’re already a mess."
"Yes, my darling?" He couldn’t help but tease her, only a little. It was so easy, especially now. She was still half-asleep, but every time her eyes fluttered open he saw her pupils, so dilated they looked fully black in the night. "Use your words. Tell me what you want."
Aspen whined, grasping his arm with a grip like iron. Her words were breathless, broken up by little gasps as he stroked her. "You’re not being nice."
He clicked his tongue, enjoying the sight of her squirming, of her struggle to remain quiet and still. "How could you
such a thing, darling? I’m
nice." He flicked her clit as she whined, earning a soft whimper as her nails dug into his arm. "Well... I’m a
Astarion did his best to keep his movements slow and even, coaxing her to the precipice of her climax without letting her fully descend into it. It was difficult, a feral part of his mind wanting to make her scream his name into the night, to bring her to release over and over until she was an absolute mess. But that was not his intention, not tonight, and he wanted to focus on something gentler, something much more tender.
He alternated between kissing any part of her skin his lips could reach and whispering softly into her ear, delighting in how she shivered in his arms when he did.
"Shh, not too loud, love," he murmured, circling his fingers around her entrance. "We don’t want the others to hear."
"Do you- Do you think they’ll catch us?" She was clutching his shirt so tightly he felt certain that it would tear.
"Not if you stay
," he breathed, laughing at her stricken expression. "Don’t look at me like that. I just wanted you so terribly, pet."
Aspen moaned again, his name a prayer on her lips. It made him ache so entirely he didn’t think he would be able to last for much longer. Her chest heaved, her breasts soft and inviting, and he distracted himself with them, drawing the bright pink nipples between his teeth, biting them as gently as he could until she was mewling, even his name sounding incoherent as it was caught by the wind.
"I want to be close to you," he said, pressing his lips to the valley between her breasts, breathing in the smell of her skin, sweat and growing things and the subtlest hint of the oils and perfumes he used for himself.
Her arms snaked around him, scrabbling for purchase against his back, pulling the material of his shirt taut. "Then come closer."
Drawing back, Astarion’s gaze fell on her face, on the deep blush that set her aflame, the heady desire in her eyes. There was something else there, too, something hidden in the depths of the need he was filling her with.
There was love in her eyes, in the curve of her smile, in the way she let out a soft breath as she met his gaze, one of her hands sliding up to bury in his hair.
It was bright as sunshine, as gentle as an embrace. His knees grew weak from it, his body trembling as she gazed up at him with such sweet adoration.
," he breathed, fingers fumbling as he quickly discarded his shirt, and his trousers next, not wanting even the slightest scrap of fabric between them. He wanted nothing but her skin against his, her heart beating a furious tempo against his chest, her breath tickling the skin of his throat. He wanted there to be
, only her, only him. "I want to be buried inside of you, and I
want to come out."
Her fingers ran through his hair, sketched along the shell of his ear. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t look away, spreading her legs a little wider. "I want that too."
A lump formed in his throat, nearly choking him. He felt like a boy, like he was taking a tumble with the first person he’d ever fallen for. His heart was beating a discordant cacophony, unused to loving and being loved so entirely in kind. He felt vulnerable, his heart bared to her, but he felt no fear. He trusted her, trusted her to hold him, to love him, to keep his heart safe.
Never in all the years of his life that he remembered would Astarion have ever described himself as
. But he felt soft now, felt like he was melting in her arms, his tenuous hold on himself fraying.
Here he was, falling apart in the face of a kind, softhearted woman, her arms open to him, her voice a murmur in his ear. This was not something he’d ever envisioned for himself, had never even considered. There was no room for softness in his world, no room for love.
Yet he had it still. He had her love; she’d entrusted her entire heart to him, her entire being. Were she not so warm in his arms, her shuddering breaths against his skin making him shudder, he would have mistaken this all for a dream.
"Astarion." Her voice drew him back to the present, away from the churning tides of his thoughts. Anxiety had begun to bubble in his chest, fear that this truly
a dream, that it was some great trick of his mind and he would awake and be lost in the shadows once more.
But no, there was no way for his mind to conjure a voice such as hers. Hands caressing his face the way hers did, fingers twinning in his hair as she so often liked to do. He would never have been able to imagine such sweetness as this, not in his hundreds of years of life. So she must have been real; she
"Astarion?" Sleep still clung to her, and she drawled his name, a smile on her lips. "My love, what are you thinking?"
He did his best to offer a devilish smile, although he knew he was failing spectacularly by the way Aspen’s brows drew together, the corners of her mouth twitching.
She wiggled her hips, gently rolling them against his, and he nearly choked in response, the ache in his core steadily growing. "Tell me," she beseeched him, rolling her hips against his once more. "
, my beloved? I want to know what’s going on in your head."
There were a slew of things Astarion could have said to her in that moment, but with her wide eyes and her open expression, he couldn’t bring himself to say something sharp. He was well beyond feigning indifference now, having confessed to her before the grave his old self had been buried, having clung to her almost every night since, seeking the comfort and steadiness of her embrace, of her beating heart. And now, so desperate and needy for her touch he’d disposed of their clothing so he could feel nothing but her skin against his, so he could sink deep inside of her. So he could be held, so he could feel beloved and precious and safe.
"I was thinking of you," he professed, his voice small as a child’s. He sounded like a lovestruck fool and yet he could do nothing to change it. "I can think of nothing else but you."
"I’m right here," she murmured, brushing his hair back from his brow. "I’m close, my love, I’m not going anywhere."
"It is undoubtedly selfish of me..." He trailed off, trying again to grin. It was like second nature to him, to feign rakishness. But in this moment he really could not, no matter how hard he tried. How could a disciple, kneeling before his goddess, ever hope to be anything but devout, to give himself entirely with anything other that wholehearted sincerity? "But I want to stay with you for as long as you’ll have me."
The corners of her eyes crinkled, and she spread her legs a little wider. "Oh my love, I want to be with you always. I want to be with you forever. If you’ll have
Astarion leaned down, brushing his lips against hers, a hunger more consuming than his desire for blood taking over. "Forever, then."
"Forever," she agreed, breathless from the kiss.
He didn’t give her much time to breathe, capturing her lips once more as he pushed her legs further apart. Aspen’s body complied with his needy demand, thighs shaking around his hips as he lined himself up, tip pressing against her entrance.
If there was one thing he knew he would never tire of, it would be the sounds she made as he pushed into her. The delicate whimpers, the way she sighed his name, a melody spun of spider silk and starlight, meant for only his ears.
Aspen shuddered, her body fluttering around him as he sank deeper. Her hands moved from his face to his shoulders, a delicious pressure that sent shocks of pleasure across his nerves, that made him want to move faster, to thrust with ruthless abandon into her. It took every last shred of his self control to keep his movements slow as she trembled in his arms, until a little gasp fell from her lips as his hips finally, mercifully, met hers.
"How’s that?" He murmured, pulling back just a little, just enough to sharply roll his hips against hers, earning another needy little gasp.
"You’re being mean again." Her whine was breathy, her fingernails digging into his skin.
He shushed her. "Not at all, darling. I’m only enjoying those pretty sounds you’re making."
She opened her mouth to whine once more, and he took the opportunity to capture her lips again, swallowing the sweet sounds she was making as he slid his tongue between her lips.
loud, though," he teased, and the laughter that rang through the air was genuine, warm and earnest as she stared up at him, utterly dazed. "Those sounds are for me, and only me. I don’t want the others to hear."
Aspen’s mouth snapped shut, her body trembling harder now, whether it was from the arousal he had woven with his touch or from the desire to smack him he wasn’t sure. It was adorable all the same, and he trailed a line of kisses from the corner of her lips to the hollow of her throat until her head fell back, her neck arching to allow him better access.
"While I appreciate the gesture, darling, I have something different in mind." He couldn’t resist pressing a few more kisses to her throat despite his words, scraping his teeth against her skin so she knew just how badly he wanted the hot blood that pulsed in her veins.
She opened her mouth, closed it again, struggling to find her words.
"Take your time, my darling. I don’t plan to move anytime soon." He had only planned to fill her body, to press himself as close to her as he could. He was still so desperate for her, and he feared he would never want to pull away, never want to move from her arms again.
Slowly, her grip on his shoulders began to loosen, her nails no longer digging deep enough into his skin to draw blood. Her lips were still parted, ragged breaths billowing into the air as she clung to him. For his part, he tried his best not to move, stroking her hair, the contours of her face, the gentle rise of her collarbone. Shudders still wracked through her body like the aftershocks of an earth-shattering quake, but they were becoming fewer and farther between.
"How’s that?" He murmured as she grew still. "Feeling better?"
A nod, her eyes dark as night as they found his. "What
you have in mind, my love?"
Hearing that sweet name of endearment on her lips,
made him feel like he was fracturing. Her love,
love. He was entirely hers, and
was entirely his.
"I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that," he breathed, utterly lost in her words, in the fathomless depths of her eyes.
The pink of her lips reminded him of flower buds, a frivolous detail he never would have taken note of before, and yet as he drew the connection in his mind he felt the fractures growing, splintering into shards of crystalline glass, reflecting the sunlight that he had not gotten to feel for centuries. Every part of her was perfect, every part of her was so
, so soft and flush with colour. 
He did not have the words to describe it, and nor did he want to. There was an enchantment to it all, something delicate he did not wish to sully with saccharine words and overwrought lines. He only wanted to love her for as long as she would let him.
The corners of her lips quirked up in a small smile, her palms pressing against his shoulders and sliding down his arms. "What did I say?"
"That I’m your love." His voice was small as a child’s, vulnerable. But he felt no fear, only a comforting warmth that curled around him like a second embrace. He was safe; here, he was safe. "That you love me."
He was grateful for her patience, for the kindness that he had scoffed at when they’d first met. He couldn’t imagine someone being so patient, not with him, but he didn’t have to imagine. She just
, and she was patient for him, she was kind for him.
She was patient and kind for other people, but he chose to ignore that for now. It was different when she was looking at him.
"Of course I love you." A breathy laugh fell from those sweet lips, and he was once more reminded of a flower, something beautiful and colourful. She looked at him like he was her sun, even if he was doomed to be veiled in shadows for eternity. "I love you
"Yes!" She drew the corner of her bottom lip between her teeth. "More than I have the words to say."
"And I love you," he breathed, because he could not stop saying it. He had said it once truthfully, and now he could not stop, doubted he would ever be able to stop. "I love you Aspen, my beloved, with all of me."
There were no other words that he could find that would even come close to describing the depth of his emotions, but he was thankful that she did not seem to need it. That those simple words were enough, that the embrace he held her in was enough for her.
"You never answered my question, love," she said after a moment, the starlight reflecting in her eyes.