Split (1)

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"I suppose you’ve been good..." as soon as the bindings are gone, the riding gets more intense, creaking the bedframes, two big hands cup his face, caressing him and his eyes burn not with hate and malice, like they do with their enemies, but with overwhelming love and adoration.
"Enver, Enver... I will always be good for you," those hands slide beneath his head and lower back, holding him close. Zal’krum bends forward to whisper right above his ear, warm breath sending shivers down his spine, "my Enver... mine, I love you so much..." he goes on and on, but his mantra is cut short with a yelp, with Gortash biting onto the crook of his neck harsh enough to draw blood, and leaves behind a distinct mark.
"Come for me, my good boy," he thrusts upwards erratically, gripping onto his lover’s hips, adding even more handprints over the ones already there.
"Ah- Enver, add a few more..." And he does, biting and sucking wherever he can reach, ending on the bob of his throat, burying himself deep and coming with a long groan. Zal’krum followed quickly after, reaching down to bring himself to climax, spilling between both of their bodies. They stay there and catch their breaths, before they detach from each other with a slippery pop. "Here, let me," his eyes droop as wet tongue licks and laps up the come on his chest, and down to give his cock a tight suck, milking his sensitive flesh and for a moment, he’s worried he’d be asking for more, but those lips really were trying to clean him up.
Afterwards, he’s left to relax on the bed, and he can feel the lights get smoldered beyond his eyelids. There’s some shuffling about, then a side of the mattress dips significantly and he’s pulled into an embrace right after. There’s the scent of blood, of course, and then... cedar? Well then, he remembered, he thinks to himself.
"I’ll be holding you tonight," there’s a nose burying itself in his hair, and an arm wrapping around him tightly, the other one runs all over him: cheeks, shoulders, pecs... and then rests on his abdomen.
"Stop what? This?" His lover squeezes his stomach, kneading the tender flesh there. "Don’t think I will, you’re so nice and soft, Enver." Gods, what a fool, he’s very aware that if they were enemies, he won’t stand a chance against a broken paladin who spent his whole life perfecting the art of killing, especially physically. I will have to outsmart him... Thank Bane that won’t come to pass. And there’s the simple fact that they have fallen for each other.
"Keep that up and you will be going back to your precious temple," he says when playful fangs graze on his earlobe, nibbling and humming on it, so much so that he can visualize the wagging tail in his mind’s eye. Not that he dislikes the affection, but he wanted to hear something along the lines of but why I want to keep holding you —
"No can do, you sliced my breeches, remember?" Hells , he’s got him this time. "Yours won’t fit me either. How horrible of you, Enver, I’m stuck here now..." The arms around him only get tighter, as he drags his words with feigned distress.
Bhaal’s purest son, the Gate’s most awful serial killer, the man who came up with their grand plan, is currently figuratively melting into a puddle around him, showering him in adoration, and acting like an overgrown child. This is a luxury, something nobody else gets to see or have, something exclusively his. Gortash doesn’t know if he should laugh, pity, or love him more. He’s extremely exhausted though, and can feel himself drifting off to sleep.
He does manage to whisper out three words before he does, and then he’s gone, leaving the other man to drown himself in love even further, repeating the same back to him over and over.
Somehow, Enver gets even busier during the next few days, leaving Zal’krum to do his usual business: killing, killing while thinking about Enver, or just thinking about Enver. He would read, it being his third favorite pastime, but the words merely danced around, and he found himself zoning out again, staring up at the ceiling in his personal quarters. Scleritas doesn’t even bother asking anymore, and only comes to him when called for.
And then there’s Orin’s threat slithering into his mind once more, creasing his eyebrows. Enver and I need something only both of us know, like... a codeword? He ponders, and decides that the Baneite would probably come up with a better idea, and slips away from the temple, being more than happy to be somewhere else right now.
Honestly, he half expected for his office to be empty, especially at this hour, earlier in the afternoon, but he isn’t going to complain when he pushes open the doors to find his favorite person at his desk, flipping through documents after documents.
"Enver! Is it paperwork day?" He leans over the desk — schematics, mail, reports... he’s right.
"Zal’krum, your part is to..." He says without even looking up, already knowing who his "guest’ is.
"You hurt me, I’ve slaughtered plenty," something on the desk catches his eyes, and it’s... newspaper?
The resurgence of the cult of Bhaal?! Grotesque scenes of murder found at Rivington!
Zal’krum nods as he reads along, he remembers his "work’ from a few days ago, where he was over at the little town, then he slipped into a house and murdered— Oh. He sheepishly steals a glance from the corner of his eyes from the printed paper in front of him to see Enver grinning at him knowingly.
"You sure have," of course Enver knows, he always does, Gods he’s going to tease me again, he folds his proof of shame in half and places it back onto the desk, trying to pretend it doesn’t exist.
"I... can neither confirm nor—" A gauntleted finger hooks onto his collar and pulls him down into a kiss, silencing him and his lower lip and tongue are suckled on before he’s let go. The finger then traces upwards, over the hickeys and bite marks that are already healing and fading away. He can’t help but make a noise from his nose, and shudders at the suggestive touch. "Enver, you can put more on me anywhere..."
His Enver doesn’t respond, but only reaches into the drawer and pulls out something, and places it on his palm. It’s an unlabeled, transparent vial, and he picks it up and gives it a quick inspection. There are flecks of blood within the liquid... he knows what this is, now he can barely contain his desires, staring into dark eyes that want it just as much as he does. He pops off the cork, and downs the potion quickly, feeling a hand run over his chest, kneading and pinching, and by the time he’s done, he wipes the corner of his lips, eyelids already drooping.
"Dear," Enver sounds so low and husky, he can’t wait to be satisfying him...
"Enver, I should... go lie down..." He has to forcibly will his limbs into action, them softening up like cotton, scarcely able to hold his weight up, "tell me... how you used me when... I wake up next, alright?"
He collapses the instant he gets into Enver’s quarters and onto his bed, it feeling like his actual home at this point. Meanwhile, his Enver’s staring at his pile of paperwork, calculating how quickly he can get them done before he's allowed to join him.

This work is the product of procrastination (I really don’t want to finish my master's thesis) coupled with my current hyperfixation (Baldur's Gate 3) and my special interest (psychology).
It is important to emphasize that this work reflects an individual analysis and has not undergone supervision by a team, which is typically standard for proper conceptualization (typically for real life people and not fictional characters). I am also (not yet) a professional. Therefore, any input or perspective from readers would be highly valued. I will try my best to explain different concepts for people outside of the psychological academy, but I will also provide a proper bibliography for anyone interested in any particular subject, or if my explanation fails (sorry). This was also written to an entire Stantough’s discography (this is not at all relevant to this work). I am also aware that probably none is as deranged as me to read this text in its entirety.
I would also like to acknowledge that English is not my first language, so I kindly request understanding for any potential errors.
This work does not constitute a diagnosis, as a proper diagnosis cannot be established without a standardized interview and psychological tests involving the individual under assessment (well, duh, he is a bunch of pixels on the screen).
Conceptualization serves the purpose of elucidating not only the etiology of problems and challenges but also the comprehensive functioning of the individual, in addition to encapsulating a subject within specific terms, including psychological ones (Słysz, 2017).
I also believe that diagnosing third parties and placing them into specific categories of psychopathology without meeting the aforementioned ethical criteria would be highly unethical and potentially stigmatizing for individuals dealing with mental disorders. We can only formulate hypotheses, which could (and should) be verified through appropriate procedures; we are not able to accurately diagnose an individual without their active participation and consent in the diagnostic process.
Astarion Ancunín
Gender identity:
High Elf, Vampire Spawn, Fey Ancestry
Astarion is estimated to be approximately 240 years old. He is a vampire spawn, and prior to his transformation, he was a high elf with fey ancestry. Based on available information, Astarion does not appear to have a romantic partner (although it is worth noting that he may develop a relationship with the player character Tav, depending on player choices), nor does he have any offspring. His life before the transformation is shrouded in mystery, with the only known details being his occupation as a magistrate at Baldur's Gate. The transformation into a vampire occurred following a violent altercation with individuals who, according to Astarion, were dissatisfied with a judgment he had rendered in court. After the altercation, during which he believed he would not survive due to his injuries, he encountered a vampire named Cazador. Cazador proposed the transformation into a vampire as a means of bestowing eternal life upon him. Astarion asserts that he was confronted with the choice of "death or becoming a vampire" and chose to accept Cazador's offer. Subsequently, for the next two centuries, he was enslaved by Cazador until he was abducted by the Mind Flayers.
TL;DR: Astarion's basically in a "floundering" mental state, which is a fancy way of saying he's really not doing well. I mean, can you blame the guy?
Drawing from Keyes and Lopez's Theory of Mental Health, when examining Astarion's condition, we can classify it as "floundering," which raises concerns and necessitates the need for appropriate psychological intervention. An individual in a "floundering" state is at risk of developing mental health issues or experiencing a complete mental breakdown.
Theoretical bacground
Keyes and Lopez's Dual Continuum Model of Health provides a comprehensive framework for understanding mental well-being, delineating four crucial dimensions that are shaped by the interplay of two key variables: emotional well-being and psychological well-being (Keyes, 2005). Emotional well-being, in this context, encompasses the presence of positive emotions, life satisfaction, and a pervasive sense of overall happiness. Meanwhile, the dimension of psychological well-being is indicative of an individual's personal growth, self-acceptance, positive interpersonal relationships, autonomy, a sense of purpose in life, and mastery over one's environment.
The authors utilize this model for the purpose of classifying individuals along a continuum of mental well-being, which encompasses four distinct dimensions: "flourishing," "struggling," "languishing," and "floundering" (Keyes, 2005). Notably, Keyes and Lopez's model places a significant emphasis on social well-being as an integral component of overall well-being. Social well-being encompasses elements such as social integration, social acceptance, social contribution, and social coherence. This perspective underscores the vital role that social connections and interactions play in one's mental and emotional health (Keyes, 2002).
Back to Astarion
The categorization of Astarion within the "floundering" category is supported by the fact that Astarion himself is deeply unsatisfied with his life. He describes his life as one filled with suffering (I mean, it is unsurprising, considering he was enslaved...). He is dissatisfied with various aspects of his life and has objectively experienced a series of traumatic events in his daily life (I will discuss it in greater detail later). He characterizes his own life as "two centuries of shit...
When it comes to the aspect of potential psychopathological factors within the "psychological well-being" continuum, Astarion exhibits concerning symptoms, albeit entirely understandable given his social circumstances and traumatic experiences.
When playing the character of Astarion as an Origin Character, following the action of biting one of the companions, Astarion experiences a nightmare/flashback related to his former master and abuser, Cazador. Within the narrative, we learn that this experience triggers profoundly intense negative emotions and fear in him. Conversations with Astarion indicate that these dreams, thoughts, and memories are prevalent in the everyday experience of the pale elf and significantly distress his psychological well-being.
If the player chooses to play the "Dark Urge" during one of Sceleritas Fel's visitations, it is brought to our attention that "he is so afraid. So, so afraid. Of everyone (...)". This may suggest a perpetual state of the fight-or-flight response and chronic stress. While stress and fear are necessary survival responses to our environment, an excess and chronic nature of these reactions can lead to a significant deterioration in both our physical and mental well-being (Schneiderman, 2008). During this visitation, it is also mentioned that Astarion is accompanied by a profound belief that nobody can love him for anything beyond his physical appearance. This belief may imply that he struggles with a significant sense of self-worth. Additionally, we are aware that his sole means of ensuring safety within a group is through seducing someone in a position of authority and engaging in a sexual relationship with them.
Within the context of the Dual Continuum Model of Health, Astarion exhibits concerning symptoms and manifests low levels of emotional well-being and psychological well-being. Nightmares and flashbacks related to past abuse and a pervasive sense of fear indicate significant distress. Additionally, his belief that he can only find safety through seduction suggests self-worth struggles. This analysis underscores the need for appropriate psychological intervention and demonstrates the relevance of Keyes and Lopez's model in understanding Astarion's mental well-being.
TL;DR: Astarion deals with stress like a pro according to Folkman and Lazarus. He's all about analyzing his problems, finding solutions, and not giving up, even when he has a tadpole thing. But he's a bit of a loner, doesn't ask for help, and tends to make jokes instead of sharing his feelings. It's like he's playing life on hard mode, which can be good for avoiding depression but might lead to occasional meltdowns.
Folkman and Lazarus (1984) defined stress (in brief) as the outcome of the interaction between an individual and their environment, and coping with stress is a pivotal aspect in maintaining psychological and physical equilibrium. In my assessment, Astarion demonstrates a "problem-focused" and "problem-solving" strategy.
Individuals employing this strategy meticulously analyze stressful situations, striving to comprehend their origins, significance, and demands. This assessment aids in identifying what can be done to alleviate stress (Folkman, 1984).
Upon regaining his freedom, Astarion promptly formulates a plan to permanently escape Cazador's grasp. He actively seeks information and individuals who can assist him in obtaining information and methods to regain his freedom. Even after confronting the fact of having the "tad-pole" in his head, he immediately focuses on learning as much as possible about the parasite to rid himself of it (or potentially use it to his advantage).
However, it is important to note the absence of an active pursuit of social support in his coping strategies. Initially, he struggles to seek assistance, as evidenced by his hesitation to reveal the scars on his back or asking for someone to read them to him. Moreover, he encounters difficulty in openly expressing adverse emotions to his social circle. Dialogues addressing emotional states tend to be abbreviated, frequently evolving into humor or excessive self-assuredness.
Despite these shortcomings, Astarion's stress-coping mechanism may be considered a significant asset. In numerous studies (Bigs et al., 2017; Cong et al., 2021; Felton et al., 1984) the problem-focused strategy has been found to exhibit a negative correlation with depression and other mental health disorders. Despite facing many difficulties, the high elf does not resign himself to his circumstances and utilizes all available resources to enhance his well-being and quality of life (the specific outcome may vary depending on the player's choices ;P). However, the absence of emotional-focused coping strategies can also pose a challenge. Without adequate emotional coping strategies and an exclusive focus on problem-solving, there is a risk of burnout and emotional outbursts, as occasionally observed in Astarion (Biggs et al., 2017).
Astarion's problem-focused coping strategy, rooted in Folkman and Lazarus" model, shapes his character in the story. This approach emphasizes his analytical and self-reliant nature, enabling him to formulate effective plans and actively pursue solutions to the challenges he faces. However, his limited engagement with social support and emotional expression highlights his self-sufficiency and emotional resilience, albeit potentially at the cost of suppressing his emotional vulnerabilities.
A. Theoretical model of psycho-social development by E. Erikson
TL;DR: So, diving into the psychology of Astarion's development as an elf in the context of D&D, it's a bit tricky because D&D lore doesn't provide a lot of specifics about elf development stages. But hey, let's give it a shot. In his journey, Astarion has to break free from the role he was forced into and learn to trust and build meaningful relationships. He's struggling with autonomy, self-acceptance, and self-worth, but there's hope for growth as he embarks on a new journey with the player.
Applying norms and theories imposed by human psychology in the context of developmental stages can be somewhat challenging in this context, but hey, I won't die from attempting.
Regrettably, specific developmental stages concerning Elves in the D&D lore are lacking. The scant information available about their development in the official game manuscript does not provide us with sufficient data to make a conclusive assessment of Astarion's development.
The subject of an elf's aging, adulthood, and development is a topic of considerable debate within the D&D community (WhiskeyPixie, n.d.), to which I regrettably do not belong and have limited expertise. Nevertheless, I undertook a thorough examination by reviewing the game's manuscripts.
According to the DnD 5e Player's Handbook (2014), Elves are considered children until they declare themselves as adults, typically after their one-hundredth birthday, during which they are referred to by child names. It is believed (The Elf Race for Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) Fifth Edition (5E) – D&D Beyond, n.d.) that they reach physical maturity at the same age as humans, typically around 18 years. Elves have the potential to live past 700 years. The D&D edition 2 (2013) manuscript introduces a further layer of complexity, as it asserts that Elves frequently extend their lifespans well beyond 1200 years. On the other hand, internet sources (Roll20 - Compendium and Rule Set Directory, n.d.) provide information that elves have a lifespan of up to 750 years. On the other hand, one Reddit user posits that an average everyday elf typically has a lifespan of approximately 300 years. Those who adhere to the principles of Phynaster, a practice embraced by a majority of Altmer, may even enjoy an additional century of longevity. It is worth noting that the utilization of magical arts becomes imperative for elves seeking to surpass these established thresholds, a privilege usually reserved for the noble class (KingBowser, n.d.).
Some players (WhiskeyPixie, n.d.) liken the concept of "the adult at 100" to the "legal drinking age." This concept is to them a creation of Elven society, highlighting the significance it assigns to experience, and positing that a 70-year-old elf is akin to a 70-year-old human, albeit without the accompanying burdens of old age. Others (WhiskeyPixie, n.d.) speculate that the period spanning from elves" 20s to nearly a century represents their phase of experimentation, akin to the way young adults in certain Western cultures engage in risky behaviors during college spring breaks. This period may involve excessive drinking, casual sexual encounters, and sampling numerous career paths that ultimately yield minimal results. While these experiences are generally considered relatively safe within elven society, they serve to exhaust youthful impulses and pave the way for a transition into mature adulthood.
Regardless of players" and D&D fans" speculations, the categorization of specific years and stages of development in psychology is an exceptionally significant matter. As previously mentioned, it may seem imprudent to compare any human-made norms to the fantastical world, which only outlines the most fundamental principles, with the rest being contingent on the creative imagination of individual participants during the session. Nevertheless, this entire analysis may lack a sound rationale and appears imprudent, so I believe we can overlook my clumsy attempts at accomplishing this.
After thorough analysis, including discussions with my fellow nerdy friends, I have come to the conclusion that at the age of 18, elves experience the pinnacle of their physical maturation, while it is not until the age of 100 that they reach full development of the frontal lobe, akin to humans at the age of 25 (Arain et al., 2013).
For the purpose of simplifying the analysis, let us assume, in accordance with prevailing internet claims, that the statistical lifespan of an elf reaches 750 years (I am uncertain about the credibility of the information provided by the user Baronnolanvonstraya on Reddit.com, which has garnered five upvotes, regarding the statistical lifespan of an elf living only 300 years), with only a few surpassing 750 years or achieving a magical 1200 years, similar to how humans may live to be 100 years or more.
I would, therefore, articulate my proposition for the application of Erikson's stages of psychosocial development (Scheck, 2014) to elves in the following manner.
Back to Astarion
In the case of Astarion, points 7-8 are not relevant. According to Astarion's tombstone, he "died" at the age of 39, placing him in the Early Adulthood phase.
We lack information about the years leading up to his transformation into a vampire spawn, so it is challenging to determine whether he resolved conflicts from earlier stages of development. And if Astarion stopped at one of them, we cannot be certain whether he indeed not resolved them earlier, or if he regressed to these patterns as a result of years of trauma. We will have to operate strictly on vibes and observations here.
We also lack knowledge regarding whether vampires, post-transformation, halt at a developmental stage at the moment of transformation, and whether this is solely a matter of biological development or also of psychological one. Using Cazadora as an example, we can speculate that vampire spawns remain at the same developmental stage at the time of transformation, and in the event of becoming a true vampire, their negative traits only intensify. Nevertheless, in this case, it is of little consequence, as in Astarion's situation and the substantial trauma and abuse he had to endure, there is no possibility of healthy ongoing development even among humans. The individual's sole focus is on survival.
Trust vs. Mistrust
When analyzing the first initial stage of development, Infancy (0-1 year): Trust vs. Mistrust, it becomes evident that Astarion has an underdeveloped conflict in this domain. According to Erikson's perspective (Scheck, 2014), unresolved conflicts in any stage of development, irrespective of an individual's physical age, can manifest as challenges/psychological dysfunctions in subsequent stages and developmental conflicts.
When considering a child's healthy development, during their initial years, they begin to grasp the nature of the world primarily through their interactions with parents and caregivers. The caregivers" responses and the extent of care provided serve as a blueprint for the child's understanding of the world and their perception of others.
Basic trust represents a child's expectation that their needs will be met by caregivers, and they perceive the world as a secure and nurturing place. The positive outcome of this phase is that the child cultivates a positive belief that the world is safe, stable, and marvelous.
However, this perspective does not align with Astarion's experiences, correct? Therefore, let us explore the potential negative outcomes, which encompass feelings of fear, anxiety, depression, diminished self-esteem, and a pessimistic outlook. As I’ve mentioned previously, Astarion views the world and people in it as dangerous, he is on constant alert, and it is extremely difficult to gain his trust.
Distrust arises from unmet needs, leading to a perception that the world is challenging and untrustworthy. For instance, when a child cries and their caregiver fails to adequately address their needs, a sense of mistrust can develop. In the first few months of life, a child can form the belief that the world may not fulfill their needs, and they may feel reliant on themselves, despite their inability to independently satisfy their requirements and relying on adults.
As previously mentioned, due to the absence of information regarding Astarion's childhood (and his own reported lack of recollection of events prior to his transformation) it is difficult to ascertain whether he had resolved any pre-transformation conflicts and regressed as a result of trauma, or entered the life of a vampire with an already unresolved conflicts.
Therefore, let's examine the role that Cazador played as a caregiver. I understand that it may sound unsettling and repulsive, but these were the circumstances under which the pale elf found himself. Cazador appointed himself as Astarion's master and wielded power over him through blood ties. Astarion was compelled to obey his every command. Moreover, whether Astarion had a chance of survival was entirely contingent upon the vampire. To add to the repugnance, Cazador declared himself to be Astarion's father and referred to the other spawns as his siblings. The tormentor constructed a pseudo-familial system from his captives. For those acquainted with psychology, an immediate consideration might be the systems" analysis from a cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) perspective (we're not sure which wave we're on anymore, I mean we are, but I'm just kidding). However, we are only at the stages of Erikson's psychosocial development, and he was a psychoanalyst (yes, I know, Freud - ugh, but psychoanalysis is not just Freud), so let's refrain from mixing schools of thought and approaches at this point.
In one of his confessions, the pale elf discloses that any act of insubordination on his part was met with severe physical and psychological punishment at the hands of Cazadora. Additionally, the elf's sustenance was solely contingent upon the whims of Cazadora. The captor typically fed him on deceased rodents, raising the pertinent query of whether Astarion received adequate nourishment to function optimally. The elf reveals that he was the favored object of torture in the clutches of his tormentor. For over two centuries, such an environment constituted the sole norm for Astarion. He was compelled to exist in perpetual fear, within an environment that remained profoundly unpredictable. His very existence hinged solely on the sadistic disposition of his "caretaker." It is hardly surprising that, following such harrowing ordeals, an individual would develop pessimistic convictions about the world.
Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt
At this stage, an individual is confronted with a profoundly significant question: "Can I rely on my own capabilities, or am I dependent on the assistance of others?'. Taking into consideration that at the former stage of development, Astarion had already formed maladaptive beliefs about the world (excluding the specific context of enslavement, where his beliefs were adaptive, contextually appropriate and served a purpose of survival), Erikson would contend that he should also grapple with this dilemma.
As children progress into the Early Childhood stage, it becomes crucial for them to initiate the development of a sense of personal independence and self-control. By learning to undertake tasks on their own, they not only establish mastery over their actions but also cultivate basic self-assurance in their abilities. The positive resolution of this conflict involves the cultivation of autonomy within the individual. Autonomy empowers them to: engage in critical thinking, develop a positive relationship with their own bodies, foster a more profound understanding of their identity, learn from their own mistakes, make independent decisions, and effectively process their emotions (Han et al., 2022).
However, it has been established in the previous developmental stage, albeit not explicitly named, that during his captivity, Astarion was completely deprived of any autonomy. The negative consequences of this deprivation are evident in his beliefs and behaviors. Upon his liberation from Cazador's clutches, we observe Astarion, much like a child, not only coming to terms with the fact that not all people are malevolent and pose a threat to him but also discovering his autonomy for the first time. I dare say that throughout the gameplay, we can witness how his character rebuilds his personality from scratch, learning about the world much like a newbon-- I mean, new b o r n.
Astarion, despite his conviction of physical attractiveness (as it was one of the few assets that allowed him to survive while being a favorite of his tormentor), struggles with self-acceptance regarding his body. He is repelled by his scars and additionally wrestles with an incomplete sense of self-image due to the inability to see his own reflection. He perceives his body as a tool that might secure him a safe place in society through sexual encounters.
Likewise, he openly admits to engaging in sexual relationships and is unable to establish clear boundaries in these encounters due to his fear of rejection. This is compounded by his implied history of experiencing sexual trafficking and being forced into prostitution by his abuser. In Act 3 he says "I never imagined myself on the paing end at the brothel". When the player respects his boundaries and declines the threesome, he is visibly surprised that his assertiveness and autonomy have been acknowledged. He says, "Don't be so nice to me, it makes me want to be nice back". This sentence also suggests that the elf does not see himself as worthy of any acts of basic human decency.
He is equally moved when the player actively defends the autonomy of the pale elf in the face of the blood merchant. Astarion says, "I want to thank you. For what you said while I was in front of that vile drow. I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master. What I wanted, how I felt about what I was doing, it never mattered. You could have asked me to do the same — to throw myself at her, what I wanted be damned. But you didn't. And I'm grateful. It's a novel concept, I admit. And a little intimidating. It would have been so easy to bite her. To just go along with what I was being told to do. A moment of disgust to force myself through. And then I could have carried on, just like before.".
Interestingly, this moment appears to be a pivotal one in Astarion's journey towards establishing autonomy and gaining confidence in defining what he desires and how he should be treated. If, after the situation with Araj, the player proposes a sexual encounter instead of emotional support, Astarion hesitantly expresses his objection: "I'm not sure if I should. I don't think I want you to think of me in terms of sex. I don't know if I want anyone to." If the player insists, another breakthrough occurs where Astarion seems to cease worrying that clearly defined boundaries and his autonomy might jeopardize his survival. The elf ends the relationship with the player, saying, "I suppose if this is what you want then I shall provide, thank you. It's almost funny it's all a game to you isn't it no matter what I say it doesn't matter not if you get what you want (...) I always felt nothing, not last night though. Last night I felt miserable, and it was a revelation. For as long as I can remember I've been used by others controlled puppeted for someone else's pleasure but not anymore what have we had whatever this was it's over all right".
Regardless of whether the player chooses the cruel option, the affirmation of the significance of this moment for the autonomy of the vampire can be found in other instances throughout Act 3. When the player respects his boundaries and declines the threesome with the twins, he is visibly surprised that his assertiveness and autonomy have been acknowledged. He says, "Don't be so nice to me, it makes me want to be nice back". This sentence also suggests that the elf does not see himself as worthy of any acts of basic human decency. A second example can be observed in the reencounter with Ajira at Baldur's Gate. Not only does Astarion proudly decline biting the drow, but he also actively defends the player's autonomy in refusing to submit to bloodletting — "They said no, you should learn the meaning of the word".
What is worth emphasizing is how everyone in the Cazador Manor, including Cazador, addresses Astarion. They employ an extremely infantilizing language, referring to him as a child and a young boy. They underscore his dependency on the place he finds himself in, much like a child dependent on a parent. It is essential to note that despite the cruel circumstances, Astarion always managed to find small ways to maintain a semblance of autonomy. A testament to this is the fact that he independently customized and embroidered his clothing. He strived to derive pleasure from his attire. The act of adorning and personalizing his garments may have held exceptional significance for an individual in his situation.
Initiative vs. Guilt
"Am I good or bad?" is a question to which children of this age seek answers. Affording them the autonomy and fostering an environment for play not only elicits their enthusiasm for exerting some degree of control over their activities but also plays a pivotal role in their development.
Guilt, often regarded as the sentiment of shame resulting from an inability to accomplish a task successfully, may trigger frustration in adults, or lead to feelings of embarrassment when attempting something new. In the case of children, those who grapple with guilt tend to interpret their mistakes as indicators of personal failure, which in turn can lead them to perceive themselves as somehow "bad" (Sugarman, 2004). I am too lazy to write more, I’m sorry, too much psychoanalysis is harmful to my brain.
Industry vs. Inferiority
This stage essentially determines whether a child will develop a healthy self-esteem. At first glance, Astarion appears to be radiating with immense ego and overwhelming self-confidence. However, could this be merely a facade? In a psychological conceptualization, we would typically remain at this inquiry. Yet, given our adherence to a psychoanalytical framework, I will venture into interpretation.
Astarion's excessive need for external validation, his willingness to please others, and his doubts about his own worth can be seen as a manifestation of inferiority. His constant need to hear that he is needed and sufficient may reflect an unresolved conflict from this developmental stage.
Many interactions with Astarion often revolve around his need to hear that he is needed and sufficient. Individuals with a healthy self-esteem do not experience the need for excessive external validation of their worth. Of course, external reinforcements can be detrimental to a person's healthy development, but not when they serve as the sole foundation of our well-being.
It is important to acknowledge the intensity of his self-hatred. He perceives any acts of kindness or assistance as undeserved. He will perpetually grapple with feelings of inadequacy, which is evident in his willingness to fulfill player’s desires.
Some players (Kamie, n.d.) postulate the possibility that he might be willing to enter into an open relationship or even tolerate infidelity with Mizora and Harleep, because he does not feel enough for the player. However, it's crucial to acknowledge that this could be an instance of overinterpretation, as it is equally plausible that he is inherently predisposed to polyamory. Nevertheless, considering his reluctance to assert himself, the player may encounter uncertainty regarding the sincerity of Astarion's commitment to his agreements. In a clinical context, it would be imperative to ask open-ended, non-leading questions to accurately assess the situation.
Identity vs. Role Confusion
I believe we need not dwell too extensively on this matter. Astarion is unacquainted with any role other than that to which he was compelled to submit during his captivity. Given his very young age at the time of his transformation and simultaneous "death," he had no opportunity to establish his life's purpose. He was only just embarking upon full-fledged adulthood. It took him a staggering 66 years before he could relinquish his childhood name and embrace maturity.
When Astarion joins the player's group, he exhibits behavioral patterns rooted in his past captivity experiences. He is deeply entrenched in the role imposed upon him by Cazador. Continuously, he voices his perception of still being enslaved despite the severance of those bonds. He openly expresses surprise when his prior survival strategies prove unnecessary. Only in a secure environment, accompanied by supportive adults, can he gradually rebuild the foundations of his personality

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