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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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Both curious and concerned, Halsin cocked his head as the spawn scurried over to his makeshift lab. It was unlike Astarion to be cheerful about anything besides the discomfort of others, even after a few decades of Tav blunting his edges. Yet Astarion laughed freely as he lifted his treasure from the pile of recent experiments and held it out to the druid.
"Is that...one of my ducks?"
The tiny wooden bird cradled in Halsin's large palm looked darker than he remembered when he'd left it behind months ago. He gave it a cautious sniff. Lavender.
"I thought I'd put it to better use than being returned to the earth." Halsin opened his mouth to protest, but Astarion cut him off, "I know, I know, it's all part of the Oak Father's plan. However, I think there are people out there who might appreciate your craftsmanship more than the mushrooms do. Cute animals are always popular. Add a dash of fragrance, and it makes a perfect toy for a relaxing scented bath."
Halsin hummed, turning the duck over in his hands. "A creative use for something I believed would only serve as fertilizer."
"You druids are so worried about preserving the way things are now that you never think of what they could be. It's a perfect companion for my Animal Speaking lotions and oils," Astarion declared. His gaze darted away, betraying an uncertainty absent from his words. "Assuming you're still willing to take it to the village on my behalf?"
Halsin infused his voice with warmth to drive away what doubts Astarion would allow. "Of course. I am no good at haggling, but if you set a price, I am more than willing to enter them in the open market and pick up your earnings. I can even whittle you a few extra ducks or other baubles, so you don't need to work from my scraps."
A fanged grin answered his offer. "I knew I could count on you, darling. Though this arrangement is only until I find someone to manage a storefront in Baldur's Gate." Astarion's delicate fingers rested on his chin as his eyes swept over Halsin's broad body once again, this time with calculation rather than carnal appreciation. "No offense, but you're not exactly built for the greed needed to make it big in the city."
Halsin chuckled. "I would be more offended if you thought I was. Don't worry. I am happy to leave your urban territory well alone. I'd prefer to cause as few problems as possible."
As few problems as possible turned out to be far too many.
Taking the items in the morning had been easy enough. Astarion had meticulously counted, labeled, and bottled everything in advance. He handed it to Halsin in an easy-to-carry chest dug up from an adventurer's cache, making the trip to town trivial. When Halsin arrived there, the old lady who handled the market check-in helped him fill out the forms and asked some gnome and tiefling volunteers to take the goods off his hands once it was complete. They were kind enough to show Halsin exactly where Astarion's wares would be on sale so he could confirm their setup matched the artisan's instructions.
Satisfied that he'd done his part, Halsin went about his own business settling disputes and teaching aspiring druids in town. Typically, it was quiet work. But with Astarion's eye-catching display at the market, Halsin was ambushed by compliments for his handiwork on the ducks all day. Astarion had apparently marketed them as "Master Halsin's Meditative Mallards." 
It was...nice. Halsin appreciated being recognized for something other than his druidic skill, though he would have personally preferred to gift his creations free of charge. It was also a relief to see Astarion's hard work paying off so quickly. Halsin was sure to tell everyone who asked about the display that his friend had done the owlbear's share of the work. The spawn could use more confidence in himself beyond thievery, seduction, and killing.
By the emergence of twilight, "Master Halsin's mysterious friend" was the talk of the town. Halsin couldn't hold back his smile as he returned to the market to collect Astarion's profits and any surplus goods.
Unfortunately, that smile didn't last long.
"The rest were stolen?! By who?" Astarion snarled. He snatched a moderate bag of gold from Halsin's hands as the druid returned to their shared cave.
Halsin breathed deep, centering himself. He had to be careful how he worded this. Astarion was no mindless killer, but who knew what kind of vengeance he would want for such a personal violation.
"I'm not certain, but I fear I have a guess," Halsin said. He took another breath as Astarion glared daggers at him. "There are several children at the village, orphans mostly, who've taken up robbing others as a profession. I've unfortunately been unable to dissuade them from their wanton lawbreaking."
The pale elf scoffed, clawing mercilessly into his gold pouch to count the contents. "How lovely to hear that the tieflings have kept their time-honored tradition of encouraging their brats to be thieves."
"Not all tieflings are thieves, Astarion. And even if the young ones are, I will not let you hurt children," Halsin growled.
The clinking of coins halted. 
Astarion became unnaturally still, not even pretending to breathe, and a wave of guilt washed over Halsin's anger. He prayed that the Oak Father would give him strength. Halsin had never enjoyed the role of disciplinarian, but the spawn needed to know which lines could not be crossed.
Astarion burst into motion again as suddenly as he'd stopped.
"Now, now, no need for dramatics!" He wheedled with foppish exuberance, "I swear the little ankle biters will stay in one piece. Just tell me where they are, and I'll handle it. You can even come along to supervise when we go to find my missing shipment if that would make you feel better,
Trust Astarion to weaponize an innocent name given by children. Halsin dutifully ignored his blood rushing southward and the knowing smirk from the elf causing it.
Halsin didn't trust Astarion's flippant change in attitude. But he also couldn't tell the spawn to sit at home and do nothing when his first foray into making something for himself had been threatened. If he refused to help, the likelihood of unnecessary bloodshed would only grow.
"Very well. I will take you to their hideout," Halsin decided after several seconds of deliberation. "But only if you promise to stay your blade, even if they are responsible for the theft."
"Cross my heart and hope to die." Astarion flashed an insincere smile. "Again."
Discomfort dogged Halsin's every step toward the kids" underground headquarters. He was not afraid of chaos. It was an essential part of maintaining balance. But even so, the thought of jumpy children who didn't know a druid could sniff out their home in the caverns below town, combined with a trigger-happy vampire spawn who had long since given up morals when he thought he was acting in self-defense gave Halsin a headache.
These were the parts of running a grove Halsin had been glad to escape.
It didn't take long to find the main entrance to the cave system. Not when the child-sized boulder rolled over the ancient trap door scarcely covered half of it. Halsin shoved the rock out of the way, ignoring Astarion's appreciative comment about his muscles, and began his descent toward the quiet murmur of children's voices.
There they were. About a dozen tiefling kids, all huddled around a pile of boxes Halsin recognized from his market tour.
A sultry whisper breathed directly in his ear. "Talk to them, won't you darling?" 
Halsin spun to face his companion, but the spawn had already melted into the shadows.
His shock at finding himself alone had alerted the underage crew. Halsin turned back to a sea of panicked young faces.
"What's an adult doin" in our hideout?" one of the girls whispered from the back.
"If he doesn't get out, I'll gut him!" shouted the tallest of them as he reached for an axe at his back.
"Shhh," a boy with stubby horns hissed. He gave his big friend a hefty punch in the arm. "That's Master Halsin. A big, fuck-off bear will gut you first, dumbass!"
Halsin held up his hands to calm the wary children staring at him. He cleared his throat. "I'd rather no one be gutted today. However, I do need you to return the box of nice-smelling potions you stole this afternoon. They belong to a friend of mine."
Stubby horns frowned and lifted his chin. Halsin guessed he was their ringleader. 
The boy asked, "What makes you think we've got "em?"
"Yeah, you can't prove nothin'!" shouted the muscle beside him.
"Oh, children. So confident yet so foolish," Astarion's voice sighed from somewhere in the cavern's many shadows.
The delinquents jumped out of their skin, drawing daggers and bombs from their pockets as they whirled toward the second voice. The spawn materialized again a few paces away from Halsin, appearing unimpressed by their show of force.
"What're you doing?"
"I'm the one you stole from. As for what I'm doing, I'm taking my wares back," Astarion drawled while holding up a box of bottles in one hand. Then he lifted the other, revealing a fat pouch, jingling with coin as he strode toward Halsin and the exit. "A little interest for my troubles, too."
"You can't do that!"
Astarion's smooth steps marched on. "To the one with the deftest hands goes the loot. That's how the real world works, kids."
The tiefling with the axe started after him, but his friend held him back with a tight grip on his shoulder. The leader gave a short shake of his head. He then started to plead, his childish voice wobbling so pathetically that Halsin had to resist the urge to laugh at his bad acting.
that money, mister. Brol's real sick," the leader said while a tiefling in the back with knobby knees coughed weakly, "and Tarra's got no parents to look after her anymore." 
The shortest of the bunch blinked huge, glassy eyes at the two elves. "Please give it back. You wouldn't steal from orphans, would you?"
This had gone on long enough. Halsin gestured toward the children. "You've made your point, Astarion. Give them back their money."
But Astarion wasn't ready to give in so easily. He spared the tieflings a disparaging glance over his shoulder. "Why? So they can get whipped or starve when the next person they steal from isn't as kind as me? Their little thieves" guild is a joke. You heard that fake cough. It wouldn't fool a half-deaf grandmother."
"Hey, we're doing the best we can!" the stubby horned boy yelled, his act forgotten.
The spawn whirled around and sneered. "And
telling you, your best is shit."
"Astarion! They're children!"
, Master Halsin? I never would have guessed. Your wisdom astounds me," Astarion gasped theatrically. Blood-red eyes rolled at the ominously gold-tinted ones glaring at him. "I'm well aware they're children. That's why, instead of robbing them blind and slitting their throats for crossing me, I'm willing to strike a deal. They might be less useless with a little investment."
The tieflings muttered amongst themselves. Stepping in front of his crew, the leader crossed his arms and asked, "What does that mean?"
Astarion beamed at the child, fangs bared. "It means, my foul-blooded shit-stirrer, I'm willing to teach you how to run a proper con. I know all the best marks in Baldur's Gate. You peddle my goods for me, and I help you empty their fat pockets."
"If you're so good, why don't you do it yourself?"
"Because I am too busy making these things to waste my time selling them. Normally, I wouldn't waste my time with you either. But the way my friend talked about your escapades, well, I thought you might have the potential to build a full underground market. With a little parental guidance."
That got all the kids grumbling and spitting curses. Halsin raised an eyebrow at his friend.
"Oh hells, no, I'm not talking about
. I'm talking about Daddy Halsin here," Astarion sing-songed, throwing an arm over the druid's stiff shoulders. "You're going to listen to him when he tells you to behave from now on. As for me, I'll teach you to not get caught, so you miserable urchins will survive long enough to appreciate everything we do for you. Deal?"
The gaggle of tieflings looked between him and each other, eventually forgoing all subtlety to huddle and discuss their options. Astarion waited with his arms crossed, ignoring the pressure of Halsin's penetrating look. After several minutes of debate, the leader with stubby horns stepped forward again.
"Fine. We'll play nice and run your goods." His tall buddy with the axe nudged him in the back. The kid grunted and rolled his eyes as he added, "But you double-cross us, or we don't make a profit, and we gut you!"
Astarion was kind enough not to laugh as he waved them away. "Yes, yes, of course. It'll be a pleasure doing business with you."
As the spawn melted back into the cavern's blackness, one of the children shouted, "Hey, what about our gold?"
"It's payment for your first lesson. If you get everyone's eyes to face the same direction using something like an old druid's lectures, it's easy to empty their pockets!" Astarion called from somewhere above. "Good night, little ones. I'll be in touch."
Halsin clenched his jaw to hold in a sigh. "I apologize for my friend. I'm sure we'll speak again soon. In the meantime, if you need any healing or food, please let me know. I am happy to aid you if it keeps you from pilfering goods at the market."
Leaving the bewildered children behind him, Halsin hurried to catch up with Astarion at the top of the ladder. He half expected the spawn to have taken off without him. Instead, Astarion had taken a seat outside, humming to himself as he counted the extra coin.
It was too much money for Halsin to be comfortable, but hardly everything those kids must have stolen today.
"That was unexpected," Halsin said as he gestured for Astarion to follow him home. The spawn hopped to his feet, tucking his gold in the box of bottles he'd recovered. "You taking them on as apprentices, I mean, not stealing from them."
Astarion shrugged. "What else could I do? You heard that fake cough. Thinking it would trick both the man stealing from them and a renowned healer like yourself is so sloppy it's insulting."
That startled a laugh from the druid. "I admit, I've heard more convincing coughs from the mockingbirds who live by the infirmary." He stared at Astarion out of the corner of his eye. "Regardless. Thank you for taking them under your wing."
"You're the one who's put the entire settlement in the care of your massive paws. Using a few ungrateful kids for daytime labor is hardly anything to write home about," Astarion protested as he sniffed dramatically.
The attitude did nothing to deter Halsin. "It is in my nature to be a guardian. I know it doesn't come as easily to you."
"Maybe you're rubbing off on me. And not in the fun way, unfortunately."
"I can fix that if you'd like."
Astarion burst into laughter. "After we just finished talking with children? You are absolutely shameless, sweetheart." His voice dropped to a rich purr. "I
The little rascals were surprisingly good at following directions. It didn't take long to stop them from emptying the already empty pockets of other refugees and orphans. Once they saw how much better the cash flow was by following Halsin's advice to keep them out of local trouble and Astarion's to pickpocket the fattest cats in Baldur's Gate whenever they could visit, they stopped testing their mentors" patience. Mostly. They were still children, after all; it's not like they had a choice to be anything other than know-it-all brats sometimes. But they got the work done, kept themselves out of prison cells, and made Astarion's business venture flourish on his behalf.
The only complaint Astarion had was about how they addressed him. He'd been careful not to assign his name to anything he sold. Didn't need any old enemies or friends looking him up. Of course, Halsin had no such sense of preservation and used Astarion's name freely in front of the kids, so when they picked it up, Astarion had to demand they use something else to refer to him.
He'd expected the kids to choose something respectable or frightening-sounding as his nickname. Maybe "Boss" or "Shadowman". He'd have even settled for the very literal "Bloodeater" the wolves called him.
But no. The children chose "Uncle." 
The only thing that could have been more mortifying would be calling him "Daddy" like the younger (or more disrespectful) members did Halsin.
Still, being guardian to a bunch of miscreant children wasn't such a bad life. Astarion had started to understand why Halsin took such joy in teaching young druids. It was fun to see the pint-sized thieves go from botching a simple lock to running a multi-part scam so cleanly that the Guild sent a liaison to make sure the kids didn't plan to be competition. 
It was lucrative, too. Between his cut from the kids" income and the success of his scented lotions made from foraged and stolen materials, Astarion had collected a small hoard of gold. It wasn't enough to bribe officials or buy up land yet, but he could finally purchase an entire wardrobe from the most discreet merchants in Baldur's Gate.
A new set of robust but stylish leathers for visiting his canine companions after their claws had torn up his softer clothes with their play. Heavy cloaks in a variety of colors to hide his identity and protect his skin if he had to be out close to sunrise. An elegant, airy outfit designed to highlight all his best assets as a surprise for Halsin the next time Astarion was feeling confident enough to attempt a seduction, though he suspected the druid would tell him his beauty was most remarkable in the nude as nature intended. And, of course, several new garments that screamed "wealthy noble" as befitted an up-and-coming crime lord. After all, if things went to plan, he'd need to meet with plenty of underworld bosses soon enough, which meant looking the part if he wanted any respect.
Astarion was admiring one of his new black doublets trimmed in intricate silver brocade when Halsin made an early return to the cave.
"Why hello, darling," he greeted without lifting his eyes from the inky fabric. "What brings you back so early? Did you miss me?"
"There's a problem."
The druid's tight voice made Astarion glance up. Halsin looked worse for wear, his chest heaving in what would have been a rather fetching manner had his hands not also been shaking. Astarion recognized that look from their time fighting for their lives together against the Absolute. Halsin was fresh off a particularly strenuous healing session.
Astarion set aside his garment, venturing closer to the mouth of the cave as he scanned Halsin for any sign of injury. "What happened? Were you attacked?"
"No. It wasn't me." Halsin grimaced. His hands steadied themselves by making fists as he stepped into the cave's darkness. "One of the nobles, Crowfield, has apparently been causing problems for the children because they've been outselling his established products."
Astarion swallowed back the fear of where this was going. "I know. I taught them how to run circles around all his dirty tricks months ago." 
"Apparently, he's decided to take more drastic measures. He bribed a few of the refugee-hating guards to go after the children today when the market closed. Two of them came back so bloody that I could barely stabilize them. Brol didn't make it back at all." Halsin closed his eyes, still stoic but a world apart from his usual serene demeanor. His voice remained steady in the face of tragic loss as only a seasoned healer could. "I'm so sorry, Astarion. I am furious, but there is little I can do. As much as I wish publicly outing the man's behavior would end in justice for the tiefling children, that will not happen. It will only result in more resentment and mistreatment. He will use my anger as justification to abuse more outsiders."
Something black and revolting reared up within Astarion. That sniveling bastard had hurt what was
The possessive outrage howled so loudly in his ears that Astarion scarcely recognized the calm lilt of his own voice, saying, "Most perceptive, my dear druid. I'm surprised you're so politically savvy, given how you detest cities."
"I have much experience providing homes for those cast out of their walls," Halsin replied bitterly.