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Hermione felt her anger brew through her, but as much as she wanted to cast a good bat-bogey hex, Hermione instead pulled away, biting back at the prickling tears. No, she wouldn't let Cormac ruin this. It was a nice party, there were interesting people here and she was going to try and enjoy herself! |
Hermione slipped through the crowd, into a different corner and tried to slow her breathing down. |
"Hermione?" Hermione turned, looking at Harry who was standing awkwardly beside Luna. "Are you alright?" |
"Fine," she said, sniffing. "Cormac just..." she trailed off, realising that she didn’t want to repeat it. "He wasn’t very gentlemanly." |
"Did he hurt you?" Harry asked, a dark look growing on his face. |
"It’s fine. I already promised to hex him," Hermione said, before trying to smile. "I’m sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment," she admitted. |
Harry took a step and awkwardly patted her shoulder before grabbing two drinks from a passing platter. Handing one each to Hermione and Luna, he offered to lead them to a seat. |
They sat, quietly talking and Hermione felt calmed as Luna spoke about imaginary creatures that lived in mistletoe. Harry shot Hermione a bemused expression as Luna continued to calmly explain how they would eat their brain before then commenting about Professor Trelawney's appearance. Hermione looked up to see the professor making her way towards them, appearing a little drunk. |
Hermione, having no desire to see Professor Trelawney after her fifth year, extracted herself from the situation. Slipping back into the party, she manoeuvred around the guests, looking for a spot to sit until it was a polite enough time that she could leave, but as she manouevered past what looked to be a chocolate fountain bewitched to have chocolate fish hopping in and out of it, she found herself running into the very person she’d been trying to avoid. |
Bellatrix was standing in a dim corner as Daphne leaned forward to kiss her. Bellatrix had her hand on Daphne’s waist and–– |
Gasping, Hermione watched as the two women pulled away suddenly, turning to look at her. Hermione ran before either of them could say anything. This time, she didn’t care if it was polite or not as she slipped out of the party, heading out of the hall as she headed back to the Gryffindor Corridor. |
She tried not to cry, she really did, but by the time she’d made it back to bed, she’d hurriedly pulled the curtains around so she could sob the heartache out. |
When Bellatrix eventually came up, she feigned been asleep to avoid having to talk to her and lie, or worse, confess the truth od the situation. |
Come morning, Bellatrix went down to breakfast and Hermione packed her bag, taking only what she needed for the winter break. Most of her clothes were at home, so she didn’t worry about packing anything accept a few things she wanted to switch out, but she took her books and study materials that would be needed to complete her homework on the way. Most of it was done, there was just two essays she wanted to perfect and ensure they were the best they could be. |
After breakfast, she and Bellatrix went to Hogsmeade station with the others who were going, but since Ginny, Ron, and Harry were all returning back to the Burrow for Christmas, Hermione didn’t have to worry about saying a single word outside of polite conversation to Bellatrix until that evening. |
Her Aunt Cathy was staying again for Christmas, so Hermione and Bellatrix were placed in the same room for the holiday. Something Bellatrix didn’t seem to mind, at least. Given that once they’d gone to bed, Bellatrix had cornered her. |
"You’ve been weird since the Christmas party." |
"No, I’m not," Hermione denied. |
"It’s since you saw Daphne." |
"It’s not," Hermione said, lying again. Knowing that Bellatrix wouldn’t take the bait, Hermione offered a half-truth. "Cormac tried to kiss me, and when I refused, he called me frigid." |
Bellatrix’s expression shifted over a few emotions, before landing on anger. "Is that so?" She asked, a sudden dark expression crossing her features. "I’ll hex is balls when we’re back, and we’ll see who’s frigid." |
"No, no, it’s fine. I can handle it. I’m just..." she sighed. |
"It's not fine. He was only saying it to hurt you. I bet he hasn't so much as got a hand underneath a girl's robes. And besides, most girls are anxious at this age, I told you that. Some are better at hiding it than others." |
"You’re telling me that Daphne is anxious?" |
Bellatrix paused, and it was enough of a hesitant for Hermione to realise that, no, of course, she wasn’t. Because she was a pureblood and confidence just came naturally for women like that. |
Hermione ached at the thought, pulling tighter up against herself. "I’m fine," she assured. "I know that he only said it to hurt or manipulate me, but it stung. Even Romilda thinks I’m jealous and acting out." |
Bellatrix gave a muted look, coming to sit on the edge of Hermione’s bed. "You shouldn’t worry about those things." |
"I haven’t been kissed since the fourth year. Everyone else is at least going on dates! Even Harry kissed Cho last year, and Ginny has Dean. I know I shouldn’t worry about this. I know I should focus on my classes, but..." she trailed off, embarrassed as she looked away. "I hate feeling left behind." |
There, Bellatrix gave an awkward pat. "I’d tell you to stop worrying, but at this point, it seems a fixed part of your personality," she said, "But with all that other stuff," she waved her hand. "If you’re so worried about not being kissed, I can fix that." |
Hermione scoffed. "What, and set me up on some blind date?" She asked. |
Bellatrix hummed. "Or..." and then she darted forward. Hermione didn’t realise what she was doing until she cupped Hermione’s face, tilting her head up as she kissed her so softly that Hermione felt as though she was melting. |
It was as if their mouths fit perfectly together as if they were made to kiss like this. |
But as fast as it’d begun, it was over, and Bellatrix was pulling back, licking at her lip as she smiled. "There, now you’ve been kissed this year. That should tide you over until graduation," she said, offering a pat on Hermione’s knee before she pulled away, moving to get ready for bed. |
Hermione sat still, feeling the turmoil churn through her. Bellatrix had kissed her. She had kissed her! |
She could taste Bellatrix’s lip balm on her lips as her face grew hot, and she turned away, making some excuse to brush her teeth as she left the bedroom. Very quietly, she padded down to the bathroom and closed the door behind her, feeling her breath get tighter and tighter as the reality of the situation hit her. |
Bellatrix. Had. Kissed. Her. |
Right now, the touch of her burned Hermione’s lips and all she wanted to do was run back into the room and kiss her again. |
But Hermione knew it wasn’t a sincere kiss. Bellatrix had kissed her because Hermione had complained that she hadn’t been kissed for nearly two years, and now, Hermione was left feeling her head spin as she wished that her first kiss with Bellatrix had been real. |
Since the kiss, Hermione had found her heartbreak evolving. On the one hand, she wished to spend as much time in Bellatrix’s company, practising magic and laughing with the witch, and on the other hand, she deeply wished to be far away from her to hide her fragile feelings. |
As it was, on Christmas Eve, Bellatrix had sat on the end of her bed, looking as if she wanted to say something. |
"Is everything okay?" Hermione asked. |
"I want to meet Sirius Black," Bellatrix said rather fiercely. "I want to know who he is." |
Hermione froze. She had yet to manage to write to Sirius, though she had sent a parcel to Harry that included chocolate from Honeydukes for Sirius and Remus both. |
"Oh?" Hermione asked. "Was there something that you want to talk to him about?" |
"I want to know who I was." |
Hermione felt as though that was a bad idea. "It doesn’t matter who you were––" she assured. |
"No, not as the mad witch. I meant growing up. I want to know what my childhood was like. I’m owed that, at least." |
Hermione bit her lip. It seemed dangerous. "I could write––" |
"I don’t want some watered-down letter. I want to see his face. I want to know," Bellatrix said, looking at her fiercely. "You could write to Harry, convince him to meet us in London, and..." Bellatrix trailed off, her eyes holding Hermione's. |
"But Dumbledore––" |
"Fuck Dumbledore!" Bellatrix snapped. "He doesn’t want me to know anything, as if I might break apart into madness. I have had to scramble and find every piece of myself to know who I am. All Daphne could tell me about that version of me was that I was mad. That Draco had visited her once in prison, and she was utterly mental. Is that who I am? Will I have some psychotic break?" Bellatrix demanded, her voice rising with fury. |
Hermione could see how agitated Bellatrix was. Who knew how long she’d kept that inside her, festering away inside of her? |
"Okay, okay. I’ll write to Harry. I can’t promise anything, though. Sirius didn’t get along with anyone from his family except some uncle and..." she trailed off, realising that there was one other person whom Bellatrix may want contact with. |
"Is the uncle alive?" Bellatrix asked, hopeful for another contact. |
Hermione shook her head. "No." |
A pause followed, and Hermione shifted to her feet. "Harry will likely send Hedwig tomorrow so I can send a letter back, then," she said, knowing that Harry would have likely only purchased her present today with the Weasleys. |
"Thank you," Bellatrix said, looking at her. |
Hermione smiled, picking at her clothes. "Is that why you were seeing Daphne then? To get information?" |
"That and other reasons," Bellatrix teased, smiling at her. "She’s not a bad person." |
Hermione doubted that. She remembered Daphne laughing whenever Pansy made fun of her. She couldn’t imagine that much had changed in the last few weeks. Knowing that Bellatrix was dating her made Hermione feel as though Bellatrix didn’t care about all the damage she’d done. |
"Right, well, I should finish this chapter for class," Hermione said, pulling away. Bellatrix gave her an odd look but didn’t disagree as she shifted away. |
As promised, Hermione wrote to Harry, thanking him for the Christmas gift and explaining how lost Bellatrix felt, requesting if Sirius would please meet with her. In her letter, she asked that Harry not tell Sirius who Bella was, but in her heart, Hermione knew that he would confess immediately to his godfather if he hadn’t already. |
Harry had written back and agreed on a time and place for Boxing Day. |
Christmas was special that morning, however. Bellatrix had noticeably been surprised to see that not only had Hermione purchased her a gift but so had Mr and Mrs Granger, who’d written to Hermione and asked what Bellatrix might enjoy. |
Bellatrix ended up with a few adventure books to read and some muggle chocolate and lollies to try. Hermione, however, had set aside some of her money and purchased Bellatrix a dragon hide jacket that fit her shoulders a bit better. |
Bellatrix had replied with a short thanks, and Hermione wondered if it had been a poor choice before the witch had quietly shared a smile with her. |
Bellatrix, however, had purchased Mr and Mrs Granger a bottle of goblin wine. She’d also purchased a strange book of magical spells Hermione had never seen on order before. Hermione had been so fascinated by it that she’d begun reading it immediately before her mother kindly requested her to set the book away until later. |
Christmas was an otherwise quiet affair. They watched a special television event, drank some sherry (though neither Hermione nor Bellatrix took to it much) and ate a Christmas meal that they ended up lounging around in their pyjamas for the rest of the day. |
The next day, Hermione headed to London with Bellatrix, meeting at a small coffee shop on an otherwise busy road. Sitting outside, she and Bellatrix both waited, dressed in muggle clothes, as they sipped their coffee. |
When Harry arrived, he didn’t appear with just Sirius, but also another woman who looked near identical to how Bellatrix had been in the Ministry...though her features were less gaunt. |
Bellatrix stood up, out of her as they arrived, her hands clasped before her as her wand remained tucked away in her jacket. |
"If I didn’t know that the real Bellatrix would rather die than wear muggle clothes..." the woman began before shaking her head. "I can’t believe it’s you." |
She stepped forward, and as she did, Bellatrix leaned away. "Who are you?" She demanded |
To that, the woman laughed, sharing a look with Sirius, who only seemed to keep a strange, stiff expression on his face. Hermione knew he wasn’t entirely convinced Bellatrix wasn’t his so-called "deranged cousin’. |
Harry seemed to cough, shifting to make the introductions. "This is Sirius and his cousin Andromeda. Your...sister," he explained. |
Bellatrix looked back at the woman, and Hermione watched as a stream of emotions washed over her face. "Andromeda," she echoed, before scoffing, "What ridiculous names our family gave us." |
Sirius sniffed, looking aside as he took a seat. He, too, was dressed in a leather jacket, and Hermione was taken by how similarly the family all looked now that they were sitting together. Both Sirius and Bellatrix seemed to glare at each other, sizing one another up, whilst Andromeda was content to take her seat and smile. |
When the waitress came to take their orders, Bellatrix ordered another coffee as her mood lowered. |
All morning, Bellatrix had seemed on edge, and now that she was here, it seemed that whatever the witch had on her mind, she couldn’t bear to ask. So as the silence continued, Hermione decided to take the first step. "Andromeda," she began. "You were a Slytherin, too, weren’t you?" |
"Oh yes," she smiled, sipping at her tea. "All three of us were. Bellatrix, myself and Narcissa. Sirius was the only one to become a Gryffindor until...I believe recently," she said, looking at Bellatrix. "I understand you’re a Gryffindor, too, this time round." |
Bellatrix seemed to huff, arms crossing and whilst Hermione was mortified at her sudden rude behaviour, Andromeda only laughed. |
Hermione turned to look at the witch, her voice lowering, "You were the one who requested this." |
"And now I don’t want this," Bellatrix returned, loud enough that the table’s occupants could hear. "What’s the point? It was a terrible idea. I thought that maybe I could learn who I was and know that I was different and not some psychotic murderer you’re so terrified I’ll become. I thought if I could prove that..." she trailed off, seeming to grab at her things. "This was a mistake." |
Andromeda’s eyebrows rose. "You may be like the sister I was raised with, but you’re not her," Andromeda said. |
Bellatrix paused at that, turning to look at her. "Aren’t I? I saw how you laughed and shared a look. I could see it painted all over your face: I’m just like her." |
"Yes! Her, my sister. Not the..." she trailed off, lowering her voice around the muggle occupants, "Not the fantastical death eater." |
Bellatrix wavered, looking at Sirius. "What do you think?" She asked. "You don’t like me." |
"I knew you when you were in Azkaban. It was a bit different." He said. "We didn’t interact much when we were kids. Our mothers despised each other." |
"Competitive," Andromeda added. "A trait you ofter bore as well. You were so eager to prove that you were better than a son, but nothing you did was enough. Mother wanted the perfect pureblood daughter. She eventually got that with Cissy." |
Bellatrix shifted, moving to sit down. "So I was competitive, and our parents were terrible people. Doesn’t seem like enough to make me follow some crazy person." |
Andromeda laughed. "Well, Father went to school to him," she said, sipping at her coffee. "When we were young, you were Father’s favourite. He would play Wizarding chess with you, and when you were older, he would teach you duelling. Mother loathed it and said it wouldn’t make for good breeding, but you were adamant. Anything he wanted, you wanted. And then you went to Hogwarts, and it became a time when you to become ready to marry and suddenly, he didn’t want anything to do with you. He wanted a son and saw you as the best way to provide that." |
"Why not you or Narcissa?" Bellatrix asked. |
"Narcissa was too young at the time. She started her seventh year when you were in your last. And while you and I both look like him, you share more of his personality. I think he saw himself in you and wanted you to provide him with what he wanted. So he pulled away to let mother do her thing, and instead of becoming the perfect pureblood daughter, you were insistent on drawing his attention. You acted out, got detention, failed assignments and then would perform the magic perfectly so as to annoy him. It distracted them enough from what I was doing, anyway. |
"And then, just before the seventh year, father had him over for dinner, and you were told to be on your best behaviour. I don’t know what happened that night, but I know that you and Father and he went into a room to share a drink...and then suddenly...you were as you were. An ambition had been lit up inside of you. You did your schoolwork. You got the top marks, the top NEWTs. It was as if he inspired something." |
Bellatrix’s shoulders sunk, and there she looked to Sirius. "Did you ever speak with him?" |
"No, I ran away long before then. But I believe he met my brother when he was sixteen. Regulus was the last male heir of the Black Family. I’m sure Voldemort saw an opportunity in that." |
"I can’t understand why I would be drawn to such a person," Bellatrix said. "Did I really believe that he would change the world for us?" |
"You have to remember; our parents very sincerely believed that at any moment, the muggle world would find out about us, and they would murder us. It was why they were adamant that muggleborns shouldn’t be allowed into the school. They believed that they would turn on their own people in favour of their families. It’s difficult to unlearn that kind of prejudice when you’ve heard about it since you were cradled." |
"But you did. Sirius did. Some random uncle did." |
Sirius winced. "Yes and no," he admitted. "Alphard very much so believed that muggles would murder us. He just didn’t think that muggleborns would turn on us." |
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