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so you you feel like you get more stuff done on weekends. When Don't drink, but maybe you don't feel like you can relax as well.
4crq
Yeah, I mean, I, whenever I'm drinking, I know that I'm devoting time to, to not doing other things. So I try and make it so that I don't allow myself to pile on so much work. So I try and, like get work done before, but I know that drinking gets in the way of productivity. So I try and minimize that as much as possibl...
6cd
You're trying to be responsible and get your stuff done. Yeah. Knowing that the drinking is gonna make it harder. Yeah. Okay. And it sounds like are you getting everything done or some stuff sort of slipping when you drink?
4crq
What are the things you enjoy about the drinking?
1irq
Just the way that it, it's sort of like liberates you and makes you it makes you feel like a more confident, more energetic person that you don't feel like yourself you feel like a different version of yourself. And it's something that you it, it's just empowering to a degree.
0id
Okay. So you feel liberated or kind of more confident in some ways? Yeah? Okay, are there any not so good things about drinking.
1irq
Um, whenever I drink too much, I sort of lose control of myself and I I just like the aftermath of whenever I drank too much or whenever my friends mixed drinks and it just has a harmful effect on my body. That's probably one of the major drawbacks that I had from drinking.
0id
What kinds of things happen?
1irq
I mainly when when I puke or it's just the the feeling that I get in my stomach, if I drink too much is just very overwhelming.
0id
Like you notice in your body, how much do you think is the most you've ever drank in one time?
1irq
Wow, I would say probably
0id
at a friend, one of my friends had a birthday party recently. And he wanted to let loose was it was just the all the guys were together and they had a couple of friends over and it just turned into one big party and I just I lost it. I drank way too much I would say like probably a bottle or two and just some beers alo...
0id
that was out of the ordinary For you to discount, what's a more typical amount that you drink?
1irq
Well, kind of along those lines Looking ahead, you know, five years from now, what do you see as a goal for yourself
3gc
in terms of career wise, in terms
3gc
of what do you think you'll be doing in five years,
11orq
and I would love to be.
10od
I would love to travel, I would love to see the world for what it is. And I've always seen pictures and videos of how the world is, but I've never really experienced that, like, I've always wanted to travel to Europe or, or China or something or someplace like that. So I can really experience the world
10od
that we live in.
10od
Okay. So just to kind of summarize what you've told me so far, you're you're drinking pretty regularly, but you are trying to limit yourself you feel like three drinks maybe is probably the maximum that you can drink before you're having some of these negative consequences. And you feel better if you limit yourself to ...
4crq
yeah, feel more in control
6cd
Maybe now that I know, my limits to an extent, I kind of don't want to push it. So, so much. Now that I know what I can do and where I can go. I would like to mitigate that as much as possible. I just want to I want to have fun being me. But I don't want me to be influenced by alcohol. So much. Like I want to live the ...
10od
So for right now It feels like a reasonable goal for you would be to sort of limit your drinking and make sure you're, you're stopping three, for example, or maybe even limiting the number of times that you're drinking.
3gc
Yeah. And like not, like not drinking, like in the mornings or just just strictly for social purposes like not just to not have it around, like, I don't want to have it like in my fridge, if my parents have it. I don't want to I don't want to have to deal with it.
3gc
benefits and
3gc
sticking to those limits?
1irq
I guess I could definitely be, I could live a more fulfilled life to an extent like I could possibly be more productive, more efficient in my work and where I can possibly be in the next few years of my life. And I think that by not drinking, I will definitely have a better effect on my life.
0id
Thank you very much.
2gt
So we're here today to talk about CBT and your experiences of it. How did you feel initially about the thought of going for CBT
3gc
my clinical psychologist has told me that I needed to see someone. I thought I didn't need to see someone because there was nothing wrong with me. I just had a heart disease. And I, my heart disease had got so severe and I was just tired and there was no one that could make it better. By listening to me or talking to m...
0id
whether any drawbacks to going for CBT
1irq
in the beginning, I didn't. I didn't have any drawbacks going for CBT because I was so severely depressed, I needed it. And I found that they were people all around that would help me so there was nothing. The only thing that was stopping me was me.
0id
Sounds like it was a good experience for us. If you go Any advice that you would want to offer anyone who is thinking now about going for CBT?
1irq
Yes. Don't look at the word CBT. But look at the person behind it. Because sometimes we see big words and we don't understand the meaning of those words. And we assume, but sometimes when we look behind the word, like clinical psychologists, I would have said a shrink and I would never have thought myself going to one ...
0id
Alright, so let's see if we could let's rank those two things. Right so one is everyone's judging me how I was and the other is a poor grade. Which one is larger fear for you?
1irq
I would say maybe like judging.
0id
Okay, so the grades a concern.
4crq
Yeah but I figured I could do better on the subsequent one but when people are have this opinion of you I feel like that doesn't go away as quickly
6cd
What would it mean? If they they thought you were anxious during that presentation?
4crq
I guess I worried that they would think I'm anxious because I don't know what I'm doing or I don't belong there.
6cd
So if they notice your anxiety, then they think you don't belong in that level
4crq
Yeah. Like, I don't deserve to be in that program.
6cd
If they don't recognize those symptoms, they wouldn't think that, do they?
4crq
they might write that maybe they think that's why I'm anxious or that's why I'm not doing well.
6cd
Well, how do you feel about your abilities and status in the programming room?
11orq
I think you know, typically, I'm one of the top students in my program, and I've seen two Get the concepts pretty well. It's just when I have to demonstrate those concepts or demonstrate via, like a presentation or something, that I'm worried that, you know, maybe I'm an imposter or something, but so I start to questio...
10od
So you're a good student, you recognize that you have this one area where you don't feel like you do a great job. That's presentations. In terms of grade, you really only had one bad presentation. But grades aside, you're anxious. And you're worried your classmates are gonna pick up on them.
4crq
Yeah, exactly.
6cd
Okay. So if they thought you were us were imposter. So if they thought you were imposter to say that that was something they actually believe because of what's been happening. What would that mean? What would it mean to your classmates that you were an imposter?
1irq
I don't know. Maybe I am. Maybe I don't deserve to be there.
0id
You don't deserve to be there.
4crq
like maybe I shouldn't be in this program. I think they should just drop out.
6cd
So if they believe you're an imposter based on these physical symptoms, like anxiety and mood that means to you anyway, that that means you shouldn't be on there.
4crq
Yeah.
8op
What's it feel like to say that
11orq
Depressing I feel like I've worked really hard. You know, to get through atleast halfway through my program. And it really hurts to think that that will be true.
10od
Just think this whole time you really been given faking Do you really belong there?. So I'd like to move a little bit into evaluating evidence. So in this kind of therapy, we like to look at what, you know, what we're feeling and what we're thinking, and what's we can see what's observable around us. And, you know, tha...
0id
Now that I'm thinking about it here, I mean, there's not a ton to support. But in on that day, I can think of all sorts of, you know, things to tell myself
0id
what's going on that day.
1irq
So maybe like I'm not prepared or because I'm messing up on the presentation that I'm going to get a bad grade and you know, if I can't speak in front of people, how am I going to speak in front of kids as a teacher, you know, one day that it will translate to something else. I can't get past this.
0id
So even if you survived the program, somehow you might be bad at your job
4crq
yeah
8op
any other evidence that points toward you being imposter?
1irq
Besides My bad grade? Not a whole lot.
0id
Yeah. Which are really intense like panic almost in the moment.
8op
Yeah, definitely.
8op
But in the bright light of scrutiny, there are a lot of facts to support the worst case, which is you don't deserve it. How about evidence that refutes that you're not good enough?
0id
I would say that, you know, I was accepted into the program. Like there's kind of like, a pretty rigorous sort of testing and stuff, which I passed, to get interviews and such to get into the program. So I did that. Like I said, I'm a pretty good student, all considering, you know, before this kind of flick was happeni...
0id
Okay, so you've got through a rigorous process to become a student You're doing well. You mentioned before, just the one bad grade right? Okay, so if you have friends in this program, right, if one of them came to you with this, this balance of, you know, one bad grade and some anxiety, yeah, versus passing, you know, ...
0id
I mean, now that you're kind of like talking about it, like, you know, this or that sort of thing. It makes sense. I would probably say that, well, you seem to be doing pretty well so far. You know, that anyone evaluating would look at all of the cumulative how you're doing your performance, rather than that one grade
0id
would you feel comfortable giving advice to yourself?
11orq
I think I tried to sometimes, but my anxiety symptoms kind of like really, like you were saying, your anxiety tells you sort of I think I can think that but I think my anxiety symptoms are such in the moment that it's really hard. You know, and I'm replaying what happened before in my head anticipation predicting will ...
10od
So, so let's look at the the thought and the feeling. If you had to rate the percent that you believed this thought, this belief that you are not good enough to be in the program, like right now right now, yeah, but here with me. How much of your mind believes that that's true?
11orq
I would say like, you know, a two or three like not very, I don't believe it very much right now because You know, I'm not presenting and it's just you and I not like a group full of people. So that pressure is not there here.
10od
So right now you're really not buying the idea that you're not good enough.
4crq
Yeah, that is correct
8op
So now let's move to let's say right in the near the end of presentation when that anxiety is there, and the classmates that could be looking at you, it could be negatively evaluating you because you're worried about how much do you believe that thought then?
1irq
I don't feel really confident. In that moment. It feels very real. Like, like any moment, they're gonna kick me out. Like, I'm just not doing well. I'm stuffing.
0id
Yeah. really intense. So would you think that you were a more accurate evaluator of what's true or not. Now, or when you're in that state of anxiety,
1irq
definitely now that anxiety that, you know, heart rate and sweating is not there.
0id
So this evaluation, the percent that you believe that true, this evaluation is more accurate?
1irq
Yes, I think so.
8op
And how much time in any given day would you spend kind of in a mood right now, or you can evaluate accurately?
1irq
I would say, you know, when I'm not at risk of presenting, like, I feel like I spend the majority of my time, like, it's not something I worry about all the time, just leading up to and then mostly that day,
0id
okay. So the, so you're able to evaluate the way you are now, the vast majority of the time, right? There's a limited amount of time when you're not when there's A lot of motions going through, right? And at those times, you're maybe a little less reliable,
4crq
right. Like my judgment is clouded.
8op
However, in that moment you still, those thoughts are strong, right?
5yq
Yes, very troubling.
8op
Even though it's a small percentage, it's intense. And you kind of carry that around a little bit.
4crq
Yeah. Exactly.
8op
So I can see why this is frustrating for you.
0id
Okay, Charles, let's take a look at your homework from last week the activity schedule.
0id
Not very much on it.
0id
I'll take a look at it and see, well, you did complete most of it.
0id
I don't see the point. And I mean, how do you master watching TV or eating a meal? I, if I had tried to use chopsticks, I suppose it would have some mastery involved in but I, I didn't mess with chopsticks, okay. Food was okay. Hmm. But not, not great. Okay.
0id
So it was tough. And I just want to be clear, though, Charles that this is very typical though for many people that we work with. It's very difficult to complete homework worksheets, because things happen, right? I don't feel that Well, sometimes things get in the way. There's things that just prevent me from doing tha...
0id
I don't enjoy anything. And I used to I used to enjoy it a lot of things. But I don't even I don't look forward to breakfast, particularly cup of coffee. The news is mostly bad and what if there is news? I mean, the paper doesn't carry much national news anymore. So, I mean, I have to eat, but I really don't see the po...
0id
Okay. Okay. Well, I think something that will be useful for both of us, Charles is to collaboratively work together and figure out how we can look at the perceived benefit of doing some of these things. versus the cons. So there's a worksheet that I have called a decisional balance worksheet. And it basically takes two...
0id
Well, that would depend on the activity. I know but okay. I could, I could get in touch with somebody I could call a friend. Maybe try to meet somebody for lunch.
0id
Okay, that's a great idea. So what would be a benefit of calling a friend or meeting someone for lunch?
1irq