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It seemed impossible to be truly unhappy there, with the damp white walls cradling her and the light of the blue day pricking through the briars. Sometimes, when she was much younger, she had seen the ancient fish swimming in and out of the chalk pit, ancient fish from the time when the Chalk was the land under the wav...
It was: ‘Tongue pie, cold barn and the copper stick. ’ It meant that a troublesome husband got a nagging instead of his dinner, he would be shoved out to the barn to sleep, and if he raised his hand to his wife, he might get a good wallop from the long stick every cottage had for stirring the washing in the wash-tub. T...
Never seen him punch a man more than about twice, never has to. He’ll keep people calm. They’ll be calm or else. But something’s not quite right, Tiff. We’re all very proud of you, you know, what you’re doing and everything, but it’s getting to people somehow. They’re saying some ridiculous things. And we’re having dif...
It’s all packed up very snug and sound, or so they say, not knowing that somebody was going to drop out of the sky on it. ’ He didn’t sound angry, just worn out, as if he permanently expected the world to hand him the dirty end of the stick. ‘It was made by the dwarfs,’ he added. ‘They say it cost more than a thousand ...
A foulness that made the average privy as fragrant as a rose. ‘I’m asking you politely to step back, please,’ said Tiffany. ‘I think you might have got hold of the wrong idea. ’ ‘ I assure you, fiendish creature, that I have only the right idea! And that is to return you to the miserable and stinking hell from which yo...
The song went: ‘ Ankh-Morpork! It’s a wonderful town! The trolls are up and the dwarfs are down! Slightly better than living in a hole in the ground! Ankh-Morpork! It’s a wonderfuuuuuulllll townnn! ’ It wasn’t, really. Tiffany had only been there once before and didn’t like the big city very much. It stank, and there w...
‘And since I doubt that you want to get hagged up for a girls’ night out, I must assume you need my help? The fact that your broomstick has about half the bristles needed for aerodynamic stability confirms my initial surmise. Incidentally, have you seen the joke yet?’ What should she say? ‘I think so …’ ‘Go on then. ’ ...
Attracts it, so they say. Tendency to owls as well. ’ Tiffany nodded and tried to look knowledgeable; she had made up the lightning strike, because the truth, while a valuable thing, was just too stupid, embarrassing and unbelievable. Another, and almost identical, dwarf materialized behind his colleague. ‘Should have ...
Not to pull the Feegles out of yet another scrape! ‘Their hearts are in the right place,’ she said. ‘I don’t doubt it,’ said Mrs Proust, who looked as though she was enjoying herself no end, ‘but their arses are on a pile of broken glass. Oh, here come the reinforcements. ’ ‘I don’t think they will do much good,’ said ...
‘Who is going to be the first to help me unravel this little conundrum? To begin with, I would very much like to know what a bunch of Nac Mac Feegle are doing in my city, apart from recovering?’ The glint off his armour hurt the eyes. And also he smelled strongly of soap, and that was good enough for Tiffany. She began...
It makes them jittery. ’ They stopped outside a large building with blue lamps on either side of the doors. ‘Welcome to the Watch House, ladies,’ said Captain Angua. ‘Now, Miss Aching, I shall have to lock you in a cell, but it will be a clean one – no mice, hardly at all – and if Mrs Proust will keep you company, then...
There had been terror, and dreadful apprehension, and the strange feeling of being warm whilst surrounded by ice and snow. And as for the kiss, well, it had been as gentle as a silk handkerchief falling on a carpet. Until she had poured all the heat of the sun into the lips of winter and melted him into water. Frost to...
‘Ye did well to listen to a load of old cobblers. That was wisdom they told you, sure enough. ’ He hesitated for a moment, and then went on, ‘However, it’s a wee bitty difficult that ye are – no offence meant – a policeman. ’ He jumped back slightly, just in case. ‘Granted,’ said Wee Mad Arthur with satisfaction. ‘Wher...
’ She looked up at the beam and said, ‘Rob Anybody, was the answer you gave me just then truthful? I’m asking you as the hag o’ the hills. ’ ‘Oh aye. ’ ‘And that one?’ ‘Oh aye. ’ ‘And that one?’ ‘Oh aye. ’ ‘And that one?’ ‘Oh … well, only a tiny wee lie, ye ken, hardly a lie, just something that it wouldnae be good for...
‘Especially since he appears to have dandruff, greasy hair and a big ripe boil?’ To Tiffany’s delight, the commander’s face stayed as stony as ever, but she caught a tremble of a spill word that was a triumphant ‘ Yes! ’ And at that point Mrs Proust, who believed in securing victory by every means at her disposal, chim...
I know you have been taught by Granny Weatherwax, and she will tell you that the world is made up of stories. I had better admit that this one is one of the nasty ones. ’ ‘I am a witch, you know,’ said Tiffany. ‘I have seen nasty things. ’ ‘So you may think,’ said Miss Smith. ‘But for now I want you to picture a scene,...
And there you have it, Miss Tiffany Aching. He wakes up, he drifts, he looks for her. He looks for you. ’ ‘Well, at least we’ve found her,’ said Rob Anybody. ‘She’s somewhere in that festering midden. ’ The Feegles stood with their mouths open in front of the bubbling, suppurating mess of the Unreal Estate. Mysterious ...
Now, will you stop standing there with your mouth open?’ Tiffany’s mouth clamped shut, and then sprang open again. A penny had dropped and it felt as if it had dropped from the moon. ‘You’re her, aren’t you? You must be, you’re her! Eskarina Smith, right? The only woman who ever became a wizard!’ ‘Somewhere inside, I s...
Any woman who even looked like a witch was becoming a target. She had to hope that old and ugly women everywhere were going to be as safe as she was. A moment later, a couple of men burst out of the smog, one of them holding a large stick; the other one didn’t need a stick, because he was huge and therefore was his own...
‘Oh aye, it’s grand! Last week I saw Swan on a Hot Tin Lake , a reworking of a traditional theme by one of our up-and-coming young performance artists; and the day after that, of course, there was a reinterpretation of Die Flabbergast at the Opera House; and ye ken, they had a whole week of porcelain at the Royal Art M...
It took some time for him to return – time Tiffany thankfully used by getting the sergeant to come back and help her gather up the guards’ dropped weapons – and when Rob did resurface he was accompanied by a great many more Feegles and the kelda. And also by a rather reluctant Amber, who blinked nervously in the daylig...
‘You wanted your men to bring you this girl, and here she is, healthy in mind and body. And I did not, as you say, give her to the fairies: she was a guest of the Nac Mac Feegle, whose help you have had on more than one occasion. And she went back there of her own free will. ’ She looked carefully at Roland’s face, and...
She’d start at the castle. ‘My dad beat me up, didn’t he?’ said Amber in a matter-of-fact voice as they walked towards the grey towers. ‘Did my baby die?’ ‘Yes. ’ ‘Oh,’ said Amber in the same flat voice. ‘Yes,’ said Tiffany. ‘I’m sorry. ’ ‘I can sort of remember, but not exactly,’ said Amber. ‘It’s all a bit … fuzzy. ’...
Oh yes, he liked it if the children gave a little bow or curtsied if he passed them in the lane, but he knew everybody’s name, and generally their birthdays as well, and he was always polite. Tiffany remembered him stopping her one day and saying, ‘Would you be so kind as to ask your father to come and see me, please?’...
This defiance seemed to push the Duchess beyond rage and into some sort of fascinated horror. This spotty-faced youth in ill-fitting armour was defying her over some stupid words. Such a thing had never happened to her before. It was like finding out that frogs talked. That would be very fascinating and everything, but...
’ He reached down and pulled a book out of his breastplate, which in fact could have accommodated a small library, and went on,‘There’s plenty of time for reading if you keep out of sight, and the metaphysics is quite interesting as well. ’ Tiffany blinked. ‘I think you just lost me there, Preston. ’ ‘Really?’ said the...
Would it be possible to reach an invisible hand into her stupid body and see if she could stop the beating of the heart? Nothing like that had ever occurred to her before, and it was a fact that you could not, of course, pick up anything when you were outside your body, but perhaps it would be possible to interrupt som...
’ She turned to the Duchess, bowed her head and said, ‘And to you too, your grace. I temporarily forgot my place. It will not happen again. Thank you. ’ The Duchess grunted. It would have been impossible for Tiffany to have thought any less of her but, well, a grunt? After a climb-down like that? Humbling an uppity you...
‘But I thought the Baron wanted me to leave?’ ‘Look, I’m just reading out what it says here, Tiff, and I am ordered to lock your broomstick in the dungeon. ’ ‘That’s an impressive errand that you have there, Officer. It’s leaning against the wall, help yourself. ’ The sergeant looked relieved. ‘You’re not going to make...
She hadn’t actually done it, because it was something that you shouldn’t do, something that witches greatly frowned on, and because it was cruel and dangerous, and above all because she hadn’t been able to find any pins. And now the wretched creature was in some kind of agony, so distraught that modesty and dignity wer...
And what happened when it snowed?’ As she said this she fixed her attention on Letitia, who was almost screaming a very interesting spill word, which Tiffany had noted for later consideration. ‘Well, I can see that a witch causes disruption wherever she walks,’ said the Duchess, ‘and so you will stay here, being treate...
The hand went back into her pocket and came back out with one interesting small key she had picked up by the side of the road three weeks ago, an empty packet that had once contained flower seeds, and a small stone with a hole in it. Tiffany always picked up small stones with holes in them, because they were lucky; she...
‘I didn’t mean it to get that bad,’ said Letitia, blowing her nose like a hunting horn. ‘I just wanted Roland not to like you so much. You can’t imagine what it’s like, being me! The most I’m allowed to do is paint pictures, and only watercolours at that. Not even charcoal sketches!’ ‘I wondered about that,’ said Tiffa...
She lost all her family in a fire, don’t you know. Lost everything,’ said Letitia. Tiffany couldn’t dislike the girl. It would be like disliking a rather baffled puppy, but she couldn’t help saying, ‘And did you mean well? You know, when you made a model of me and put it upside down in a bucket of sand?’ There must hav...
As for stopping the screaming skeleton screaming by giving it a teddy bear, I have to say I am impressed. That is what Granny Weatherwax calls headology. Most of the craft is headology, when you get right down to it: headology and boffo. ’ Letitia looked flustered and gratified at the same time, making her face blotch ...
And in that sunlight, running towards her, across the scorching desert, was a figure in black … Automatically, Tiffany slammed the book shut and held it shut in both hands, clutching it like a schoolgirl. He saw me, she thought. I know he did. The book jumped in her arms as something heavy hit it, and she could hear … ...
’ ‘You can’t give me that! It’s part of the library! It’ll leave a gap!’ ‘No, I insist,’ said Letitia. ‘I’m the only one who comes in here now, in any case. My mother keeps all the books of family history, genealogy and heraldry in her own room, and she’s the only one who is interested in them. Apart from me, the only ...
So, Preston, go and get me two pails of water, please. ’ She sat quietly by the side of the slab as he scurried away. Earth and salt and two coins for the ferryman, those were the things that you gave to the dead, and you watched and listened like the mother of a newborn baby … Preston came back, carrying two large pai...
There you go again! I just don’t have the head that lives in a world where kindness has its own sound. I have a head that lives in a world where two and two makes four. It must be very interesting, and I envy you like hell. But I think I understand Letitia. Letitia is uncomplicated, if you see what I mean. ’ A girl who...
She could see his contorted face and the little flecks of foam that accompanied the finger-waving and shouting – gobs of liquid madness flying through the air behind the mirror. How lucky for Letitia that she couldn’t hear him yet, but her mind was currently full of frills, bells, rice and the prospect of being at the ...
I would kill him dead, and chase him through the next life to kill him another time, and I would do it again and again, because it would be the sin o’ sins, to kill an entire people, and one death wouldnae be enough for recompense. However, as I am an aforesaid man of the law, I very much hope that the current misunder...
As far as I can tell, you have a natural talent for making cheese, and as talents go, it is a pretty good talent to have. The world needs cheese-makers. A good cheese-maker is worth her weight in, well, cheese. So you were not born with a talent for witchcraft. ’ Tiffany opened her mouth to reply before she had any ide...
In fact, no offence meant, you look absolutely dreadful. If you were somebody else and took a look at you, you would say that you were very ill indeed. You don’t look as if you’ve had any sleep. ’ ‘I had at least an hour’s worth last night. And a nap the day before!’ said Tiffany. ‘Really?’ said Preston, looking stern....
Its sinews sang with agony, but it was not the ghost’s agony. The fingers bled where they had torn steel bars out of the wall. But the ghost did not bleed. It never bled. It couldn’t remember when it had had a body that was really its own. Bodies had to be fed and had to drink. That was an annoying feature of the wretc...
The Baron, however, went to his eternal rest inside a tomb of white marble which, him being a practical man, he had designed, bought and paid for twenty years ago. There was a white shroud inside it, because marble can be a bit chilly to lie on. And that was the end of the old Baron, except that only Tiffany knew where...
‘Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear,’ she said. ‘I can see this place needs a little fun. Thank goodness I’m here!’ Nanny Ogg had a heart of gold, but if you were easily shocked then it was best to stick your fingers in your ears when she said anything. Yet there had to be common sense, didn’t there? ‘Nanny, we’re at a funeral ...
Tiffany Aching, this is Miss Cambric, better known as Long Tall Short Fat Sally. Miss Cambric is being trained by old Mrs Happenstance, who was the one you briefly saw hurrying down the stairs with one aim in mind. Sally suffers terribly from tides, poor thing. I had to bring them both because Sally had the only workin...
‘Can I help in any way?’ said Tiffany. She was the immediate subject of a glare, but the tears were still falling. ‘She’s all I’ve got,’ said the Duchess, looking over at Letitia, who was still trailing Nanny Ogg. ‘I’m sure Roland will be a very considerate husband. I hope she will think that I have given her a good gr...
There were burying grounds, and in the castle somewhere was an ancient book of faded maps that showed where people had been put. The only common person to have a memorial, who was in most respects an extremely uncommon person, was Granny Aching; the cast-iron wheels and pot-bellied stove that were all that remained of ...
That should have happened today, but everybody had been … otherwise occupied. The chicken houses and the pigsty were in a field just above it at the top of a bank, and it was said that the King grew such bountiful crops because the men found it much easier to cart the mulch onto the King rather than take it all to the ...
‘My head aches,’ Roland supplied as Tiffany towed them towards the bottom of the field, ignoring all complaints as dry corn stalks snatched at them, caught hair, scratched legs and stung feet. They were barely going at a jog. The creature was following them doggedly. As soon as they turned to run up towards the castle ...
Outside, you are fearsome; inside, you are nothing but weakness. Inside, I am flint. She felt the heat of the whole field, steadied herself and gripped the stone. How dare you come here, you worm! How dare you trespass on what is mine! She felt the flint get hotter in her hand and then melt and flow between her fingers...
You are, after all, sixteen, more or less, and I am seventeen, so I think you will conclude that calling me young man … I will own up to a cheerful and youthful disposition, but I am older than you, my girl. ’ There was a pause. Then Tiffany said carefully, ‘How do you know how old I am?’ ‘I asked around,’ said Preston...
All this will cost you nothing, my lord Baron, but what you and your descendants, and I hope you are intending to have descendants—’ Tiffany had to stop there because of the gale of laughter, in which Nanny Ogg took a large part, and then she continued, ‘My lord Baron, I think you will assure yourself of a friendship t...
She was the witch, floating high over everything but, it must be said, with the leather strap carefully buckled. The stick rose and fell gently as warm breezes took it and as tiredness and darkness took her, she stretched out her arms to the dark and, just for a moment, as the world turned, Tiffany Aching wore midnight...
Not a bird Gonnagle: the bard of the clan, skilled in musical instruments, poems, stories and songs Hag: a witch, of any age Hag o’ hags: a very important witch Hagging/Haggling: anything a witch does Hiddlins: secrets Kelda: the female head of the clan, and eventually the mother of most of it. Feegle babies are very s...
PROLOGUE A Crown in the Chalk IT WAS BORN in the darkness of the Circle Sea; at first just a soft floating thing, washed back and forth by tide after tide. It grew a shell, but in its rolling, tumbling world there were huge creatures which could have cracked it open in an instant. Nevertheless, it survived. Its little ...
Those hips took work , and Jeannie was certainly working hard at getting them bigger right now as she tackled what looked like half a sheep’s leg between two bits of bread. No mean feat for a Feegle only six inches high, and as Jeannie grew to become a wise old kelda, the word ‘belt’ would no longer signify something t...
‘Weel, that’s guid, so it is,’ said the kelda. ‘Ye’re oor hag o’ the hills and we need oor hag to ha’ some pride. But we’d also like ye to have a life of your ain. ’ Her solemn little gaze was fixed on Tiffany now. ‘So off ye gae and follow where the wind blows ye. ’ The wind down in the Shires was angry, blowing every...
’ ‘My father is not a stick-in-the-mud; he is the mud!’ Geoffrey said bitterly. ‘Well then, if you tries talking to him – or your mother – mebbe he might understand that you are not ready to join the hunt?’ ‘No point,’ said Geoffrey. ‘When he has made up his mind, you cannot get through to him. I hear my mother crying ...
Tell the lady I’m bringing her son back and she’ll need hot water on and a clean bed. Clean , mind. ’ And as the boy raced off, Granny glared at the others standing sheepishly around. ‘You others,’ she said sharply, ‘don’t just stand around. Make a stretcher from some of that there wood lying about so’s I can take your...
The itinerary of her thinking was declaring that once again all things were in their rightful place. Satisfied, or as satisfied as a witch ever could be, Granny Weatherwax went to her beehives. ‘You are my bees,’ she said to them. ‘Thank you. You’ve given me all my honey for years, and please don’t be upset when someon...
In the early morning light, in a village pond near Slice, bubbles came to the surface, followed by Miss Tick, witch-finder. There was no one there to observe this remarkable occurrence, apart from her mule, Joseph, grazing steadily on the river bank. Of course, she told herself sadly as she picked up her towel, they al...
She hoped that people couldn’t hear her teeth grinding. It was always going to be a difficult birth with two boisterous babies fighting one another to be the first out. But Tiffany was focused on the new lives, and she would not allow Mr Death a place in this room. Another sweating push from the young mother, and first...
‘Yes,’ said Nanny. ‘Esme’s gone. In her sleep, last night, by the looks of it. ’ ‘I knew it,’ said Tiffany. ‘Her cat came to tell me. And the kelda sent Rob. . . ’ Nanny Ogg looked Tiffany in the face and said, ‘Glad to see you’re not cryin’, my dear; that’s for later. You knows how Granny wanted things: no fuss or sho...
You can’t say you’re not good enough – no witch would ever say that, they told her. I mean, you know you are pretty good, yes; the senior witches know that you once threw the Queen of the Fairies from our world, and they saw you go through the gate with the hiver. They all saw you return too. But is that enough ? her F...
fn5 The only known instance of the Feegles rebuilding a pub they had drunk dry and demolished. The rebuilt version, however, turned out back to front. Complete with a big ripe boil on the neck in question. fn6 Thus proving that dreams that come true are not always the right dreams. Does wearing a glass slipper lead to ...
” She just liked people to know their own strengths – and your strengths are formidable. ’ ‘But, Nanny, you are older, more experienced, than me – you know lots more!’ ‘And some of it I wants to forget,’ said Nanny. ‘I’m far too young,’ Tiffany wailed. ‘If I wasn’t a witch, I’d still just be thinking of boyfriends. ’ N...
’ Tiffany hadn’t met Agnes before, but from one look at her sensible face and good-natured smile, she thought she would probably get along with her very well indeed. Then she was overcome with delight as a broomstick wobbled down to land and she heard the familiar ‘Um’ of her friend Petulia. ‘Um, Tiffany, I heard you w...
Before that young witch – Tiffany Aching – had come into Fairyland and humiliated her. Lately she had felt shivers between their two worlds, understood that things were shifting, the edges becoming more blurred. Softer. A few of the stronger elves had even been slipping through from time to time for a little mischief. ...
Tucked away on a shelf was the Zephyr Billow Cloak Tiffany herself had given Granny – unworn, as far as she could see, but kept carefully, like a special possession. She felt her eyes begin to prickle. . . Beside the bed were Granny Weatherwax’s boots. Good, serviceable boots, Tiffany thought. And Granny had hated wast...
And it was getting harder and harder to be Tiffany Aching for the Chalk. Even at home. Even there. She struggled in wearily one night, longing for food, peace and her bed, and as her mother pulled a huge pot from the big black oven and placed it in the centre of the table, a family row was just starting. ‘I met Sid Pig...
‘And of course she is a really good midwife,’ Mrs Aching said, adding rather sadly, ‘But I wonder if she might ever have children of her own. She doesn’t talk about Preston to me, you know, and I don’t much like to ask. Not like with her sisters. ’ She sighed. ‘But so much is changing. Even Wentworth, tonight. . . ’ ‘O...
Look at the mess you’ve made. ’ He grabbed both of them and pushed them out the door. The rest of the drinkers got back to their pints. The barman turned back to Geoffrey and looked at him in shrewd appraisal. ‘You want a job, lad? No pay, but you get your keep. ’ ‘I can’t take a job, but I’d be happy to stay for a few...
Maybe she could go round the houses by herself!’ Nanny Ogg was actually rather impressed by Tiffany. But also worried. ‘Really,’ she said to her one day as they shared a quick meal, ‘ you know you’re good, Tiff. I know you’re good. Granny , wherever she is now, knew you was good, but you don’t have to keep tryin’ to do...
Mrs Earwig did, indeed, sit down in Granny’s old rocking chair, and she gave Tiffany a smile of blatant insincerity, then made it worse by saying, ‘My dear girl!’ ‘ Woman ,’ said Tiffany quietly as Mrs Earwig looked her up and down. She was acutely conscious of the suds still clinging to her apron and her dishevelled h...
Tiffany knew Nanny Ogg rarely did any washing – what were daughters-in-law for? – but she realized suddenly that she had never seen Granny Weatherwax doing any laundry for the old gentlemen either, and that thought stopped her for a moment. I need time to work this out, she thought, looking at the Big Man of the Nac Ma...
For Mrs Earwig’s copious amount of jewellery announced the witch with such a cheerful jangle that it was as if it had ambitions to move from being a set of charms and amulets to being a full instrumental fanfare. fn2 Though a Feegle will cheerfully lie about almost anything, so Tiffany still went into any privy with he...
‘His young lady, the Baroness, has learned a lot of lessons without being taught them – have you noticed that? She’s always around the place talking to people, not putting on airs. The wife likes her,’ he added with a sage nod. If the wife approved, well, that was good. It meant peace at home, and every countryman want...
‘I shall think on what you say,’ she said with an exaggerated politeness that made him blush even more. With the imaginary broomstick still rigidly attached to his back, Roland strode over to his horse, remounted and rode off. Well, I did try, he told himself. But he couldn’t help but feel that he had made a bit of a m...
Surely it could lead to misunderstandings? CHAPTER 9 Good with Goats THE BOY STANDING in the rain looking at Tiffany at the back door of the cottage that was now hers – no longer Granny’s – was not like her usual visitor. He was grubby, yes, but it was the grubbiness of the road rather than that of poverty, and he had ...
Things like killing chickens and stringing pheasants, cleaning shoes, peeling potatoes and any other task that was messy, and occasionally dangerous. There was usually one on Home Farm, gradually learning what farming was all about. ‘I tells you what,’ Nanny continued, looking at the trembling boy, ‘let’s try him out w...
‘Copycat!’ said Nancy. Miss Tick laughed. ‘Part of being a witch is being clever. Using your eyes and learning from what you see. Well done, Becky. ’ For Becky now had the caterpillar neatly trussed in a bit of old string, which also seemed to be knotted somehow around one of her fingers. Her other fingers were struggl...
‘Looks a testy animal to me, but that Geoffrey has him trotting along all peaceful like. ’ ‘Wish he could do the same to my Joe!’ Betsy cackled, and she and Mrs Whistler chortled together as they headed off down the street. Tiffany watched them go, and began thinking about her backhouse boy, wondering how he made thing...
‘But can’t I stay here?’ she wheedled, putting on her best little-lassie voice for her father. ‘I like it here, ye ken, and I dinnae want to ha’ a husband’ – she said the word like it was an abomination to her – ‘and babbies. I want to be a warrior. ’ Rob laughed. ‘But ye is a lassie, Maggie,’ he said, with a worried l...
’ A belch of smoke from a train steaming over the arches almost enveloped both the dwarf and Geoffrey, and when Tiffany could see them again, Dave – who now had bits of smut sticking to his face – had decided exactly what the lad would need. ‘A number three, I think,’ he said. ‘Reckon we’ve got just the one in stock. T...
She could see the future coming. ’ ‘We’re staying in Ankh-Morpork until the dwarfs have finished with Geoffrey’s stick,’ Tiffany said. ‘Can we stop here? We might need to stay overnight. ’ Mrs Proust grinned. ‘Well, there is plenty of space in my spare room, and it would be good to have a chinwag while you are here. ’ ...
’ And it struck her that just as Preston was looking into people in one way – he knew the names of all the bones now, and could even say hello to a few of them – she was learning to look into people another way: into their heads, their minds. ‘But I couldn’t do anything else,’ she finished, a touch wistfully. Preston s...
The whole Feegle colony bristling with weaponry, full of alcohol and bravado and apparently nothing to do with it. Of course, they were always itching for a fight but most Feegles itched all the time, especially in the spog. They rushed about on the sodden hilltop looking for the enemy, while Big Yan led Rob to the dew...
And I’ve a mind to mention that there appear to be many queens of the elves. I ask myself, which one do we have here? What I want is your name , madam. Be careful: if ye should gi’ me a name which is nae yours, your majesty will find me somewhat acerbic. ’ The elf said, ‘My name, Kelda, is Nightshade. ’ The kelda sent ...
No “She fell down a rabbit hole and no one ever saw her again. ”’ She looked around sternly. ‘I am the hag o’ the hills and I will know how it happened. And then there would be a. . . reckoning. Do you understand me? ’ ‘Oh, waily, waily, there’s to be a reckoning,’ Daft Wullie moaned, and there was an embarrassed shuff...
And you can buy all sorts and get it sent up here,’ said Mr Slack. He dug into a pocket of his checked jacket and pulled out a well-thumbed book. ‘Biggerwoods catalogue. We all swear by it. You can get anything you want. ’ Frank peered at the catalogue, at its cover. ‘Says ’ere you can get a bride ,’ he said in wonder....
And an onion a day makes the elv— Aargh!’ And at the foot of the Ramtops, a young maiden by the name of Elsie was tickled under the chin by a flower, and suddenly loosed the hand of her little sister, letting the little girl wander into the river, while Elsie gazed lovingly into the eyes of her father’s donkey. . . as ...
But nothing stays the same – our world, our iron , your court, your glamour. Did you know, Nightshade, that in Ankh-Morpork goblins have jobs, and are considered to be useful members of the community?’ ‘What?’ said the Queen. ‘Goblins? But you humans hate goblins – and their stink! I thought the one we captured was lyi...
And although she was mostly a queen these days, the witch part of her knew that the balance was off, that Granny Weatherwax had left a void behind her, and no matter how hard Tiffany Aching was working to fill it – and that nice backhouse boy she now had – Granny Weatherwax was a hard act to follow; she had held the ba...
CHAPTER 15 The God in the Barrow IN THE DARK of the night, down in the Chalk, the wheel was definitely stuck in the old ways – just the way three elves dancing through the gloom of the woods liked it. This world was here for their pleasure, to entertain them, delight them. And the creatures within it were no more than ...
‘There is nothin’ they likes more than watchin’ pain and terror, nothin’ that makes ’em laugh more. And they loves stealin’ babbies. You did well to stop them this time. They will come again, though. ’ ‘Well, then they will have to die again,’ said Tiffany flatly. ‘If you are there. . . ’ Nanny said carefully. Tiffany ...
’ ‘The Lady Nightshade is your queen,’ said Tiffany firmly, her legs shaking at the invitation in the King’s words. To stay here? With him? her mind shrieked. She gripped the shepherd’s crown more firmly. I am Tiffany Aching, of the Chalk , she said to herself, and I have flint in my soul. ‘Nightshade is my. . . guest,...
She had mixed up a new tonic for her yesterday: a good strong dose of reciprocal greens fn4 which had made the elf sleep deeply for a whole day, giving her body a chance to regain its strength. And, incidentally, giving Tiffany a chance to go round the houses without worrying about what the Feegles might do in her abse...
’ fn1 Nanny’s friend on that occasion had been Count Casanunda the lowwayman – a highwayman who carried a stepladder on his horse, on account of his being a dwarf, and was most gallant towards the ladies he encountered. fn2 A thought that she would most certainly grow out of, assuming she survived long enough. fn3 It h...

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