season int64 1 9 | episode int64 1 26 | title stringlengths 3 35 | scene int64 1 1.13k | character stringlengths 1 37 | line stringlengths 1 1.23k |
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1 | 1 | Pilot | 21 | Pam | Don't we all? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 21 | Michael | I'm sorry? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 21 | Pam | Nothing. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 21 | Michael | If you're unhappy with your compensation, maybe you should take it up with HR. OK. Not today, OK? Pam, just be professional. [Sighs] |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 22 | Michael | I think I'm a role model here. I think I garner people's respect. [Imitating a PA] Attention all Dunder Mifflin employees, please. We have a meeting in the conference room, ASAP. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 23 | Michael | People I respect, heroes of mine, would be Bob Hope... Abraham Lincoln, definitely. Bono. And probably God would be the fourth one. And I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's really beyond words. It's really incalculable. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Michael | Now I know there's some rumors out there and I just kind of want to set the record straight. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Dwight | I'm Assistant Regional Manager. I should know first. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Michael | Assistant to the Regional Manager. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Dwight | OK, um, can you just tell me please? Just tell me quietly. Can you whisper it in my ear? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Michael | I'm about to tell everybody. I'm just about to tell everybody. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Oscar | Can't you just tell us. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Dwight | Please, OK? Do you want me to tell 'em? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Michael | You don't know what it is. [Laughs] |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Dwight | OK. You tell 'em. With my permission. Permission granted. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Michael | I don't need your permission. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Dwight | Go ahead. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 24 | Michael | Corporate has deemed it appropriate to enforce an ultimatum upon me. And Jan is thinking about downsizing either the Stamford branch or this branch. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 25 | Ryan | I heard they might be closing this branch down. That's just the rumor going around. This is my first day. I don't really know. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Oscar | Yeah but Michael, what if they downsize here? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | Not gonna happen. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Stanley | It could be out of your hands Michael. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | It won't be out of my hands Stanley, OK. I promise you that. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Stanley | Can you promise that? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Dwight | On his mother's grave. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | No. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Phyllis | What? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | Well, yeah, it is a promise. And frankly, I'm a little insulted that you have to keep asking about it. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Stanley | It's just that we need to know. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | I know. Hold on a second. I think Pam wanted to say something. Pam, you had a look that you wanted to ask a question just then. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Pam | I was in the meeting with Jan and she did say that it could be this branch that gets the axe. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Man | Are you sure about that? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | Well, Pam maybe you should stick to the ongoing confidentiality agreement of meetings. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Dwight | Pam, information is power. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Stanley | You can't say for sure whether it'll be us or them, can you? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 26 | Michael | No, Stanley. No, you did not see me in there with her. I said if Corporate wants to come in here and interfere, then they're gonna have to go through me. Right? You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 27 | Jim | If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt, which is mixed berry. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 28 | Pam | Jim said mixed berries? Well, yeah, he's on to me. Um... [Laughs] |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Michael | Watch out for this guy. Dwight Schrute in the building. This is Ryan, the new temp. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Ryan | What's up? Nice to meet you. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Michael | Introduce yourself. Be polite. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Dwight | Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Michael | Assistant to the Regional Manager. So, uh, Dwight tell him about the kung fu and the car and everything. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Dwight | Uh... yeah I got a '78 280Z. Bought it for $1,200. Fixed it up. It's now worth three grand. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Michael | That's his profit. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 29 | Dwight | New engine, new suspension, I got a respray. I've got some photos. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 30 | Dwight | Damn it! Jim! |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 30 | Michael | OK. Hold on, hold on. The judge is in session. What is the problem here? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 30 | Dwight | He put my stuff in Jell-O again. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 30 | Pam | [Laughing] |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 30 | Dwight | That's real professional thanks. That's the third time and it wasn't funny the first two times either Jim. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 31 | Dwight | It's OK here, but people sometimes take advantage because it's so relaxed. I'm a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy on the weekends. And you cannot screw around there. That's sort of one of the rules. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | What is that? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Dwight | That is my stapler. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | No, no, no. Do not take it out. You have to eat it out of there, because there are starving people in the world [turns to camera] which I hate, and it is a waste of that kind of food. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Dwight | OK you know what, you can be a witness. [points to Ryan] Can you reprimand him? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Jim | How do you know it was me? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Dwight | It's always you. Are you going to discipline him or not? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | Discipline. Kinky! [Laughs] All right, here's the deal you guys. The thing about a practical joke is you have to know when to start and as well as when to stop. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Dwight | Yeah. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | And yeah, Jim this is the time to stop putting Dwight's personal effects into Jell-O. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Jim | OK. Dwight, I'm sorry, because I have always been your biggest flan. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | [Laughing] Nice. That's the way it is around here. It just kind of goes round and round. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Ryan | You should've put him in custardy. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | Hey! Yes! New guy! He scores. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Dwight | OK, that's great. I guess what I'm most concerned with is damage to company property. That's all. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 32 | Michael | Pudding. Pudding... I'm trying to think of another dessert to do. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Jim | Do you like going out at the end of the week for a drink? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Pam | Yeah. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Jim | That's why we're all going out. So we can have an end-of-the-week-drink. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Pam | So when are we going out? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Jim | Tonight, hopefully. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Pam | OK. Yeah. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Roy | Hey, man. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Jim | What's going on? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Roy | Hey, baby. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 33 | Pam | Hey. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 34 | Pam | Roy's my fiance. We've been engaged about three years. We were supposed to get married in September but I think we're gonna get married in the spring. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Pam | Do you mind if I go out for a drink with these guys? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Roy | No, no. Come on. Let's get out of here and go home. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Pam | OK. I'm gonna be a few minutes. So it's only twenty past five. I still have to do my faxes. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Jim | You know what? You should come with us. Because you know we're all going out and it could be a good chance for you to see what people are like outside the office. I think it could be fun. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Roy | It sounds good. Seriously, we've gotta get going. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Jim | Yeah, yeah. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Jim | Um... What's in the bag? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Roy | Just tell her I'll talk to her later. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 35 | Jim | No, definitely. All right, dude. Awesome. Will do. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 36 | Jim | Do I think I'll be invited to the wedding? [scratches head] |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Michael | So have you felt the vibe yet? We work hard, we play hard. Sometimes we play hard when we should be working hard. Right? I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third. [Knock at door] Just a second. Right? Oh, hey do you like The Jamie K... |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Ryan | Yeah. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Michael | You are gonna be my accomplice. Just go along with it, OK? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Ryan | All right. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Michael | Just follow my lead. Don't pimp me, all right? Come in. So, uh, Corporate just said that I don't want to... |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Pam | You got a fax. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Michael | Oh, thank you. Pam, can you come in here for a sec. Just have a seat. I was gonna call you in anyway. You know Ryan. As you know, there is going to be downsizing. And you have made my life so much easier in that I am going to have to let you go first. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Pam | What? Why? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Michael | Why? Well, theft and stealing. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Pam | Stealing? What am I supposed to have stolen? |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Michael | Post-it Notes. |
1 | 1 | Pilot | 37 | Pam | Post-it Notes? What are those worth, 50 cents? |
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