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Well Time you is simply out of the question for now |
So I'll just feed them to you |
Here, Take a big bite for me |
Oh, what a darling you are? So good at taking direction |
Oh, I'm so glad you like them |
Well, tell me a little about yourself Dear |
I want to know more about the person who'll be living in my basement from now on |
Of course, I already know some things about you |
Like your behavioral patterns, your dress, your atrocious sleep schedule, Your friends names, things of that nature |
But those are the basics I needed to up you |
I'd like to know more about you |
Real you what inspires you, what are your hopes for the future? What's important to you? Things like that |
Oh, how interesting? Really? Why that's amazing |
I think we're going to get a along well |
Oh, There she is |
My baby girl has finally arrived |
Hey |
I'm home |
Mom, you in the basement? Hey |
I just got mom, what the fuck? Audrey |
Language |
We have a guest |
Please forgive her sweetheart |
She's just a little shocked |
She doesn't usually pop off with that kind of vulgar guarantee |
I wouldn't allow it |
What? Why are the two of you acting like any of this is normal? Mom for real |
What are you doing? I'm being serious |
I get home and find you with one of my classmates tied to a chair |
Are you cheating on dad? Is this some kinky sex thing? I'm not gonna any need therapy after walking in on this? Please calm down |
And don't be ridiculous |
I would never cheat on your father |
I love him more than my own life |
This isn't for me sweetheart |
It's for you |
The least you could do is thank me Thank you |
See |
That wasn't so hard |
That's not what I meant |
Oh my |
God |
You've lost it |
Lost what |
You're marble |
Oh, don't be silly |
I never had any to begin with |
Mom, this is |
I can't |
You're I know this is a lot to take in dear |
But trust me |
Don't worry you're pretty little head about a thing |
If you'll just sit down |
I'll explain everything |
Okay |
I'm sitting |
My mom's gone crazy, and I'm sitting beside her captive |
And I am so sorry about this |
Now then, for starters, Well, Remember I told you that your father and I first met at a party in college And we exchanged phone numbers and sooner or later, we talked more and more |
And eventually, he invited me out to the movies |
And then he asked me to be his girlfriend Yeah |
You told me that story plenty of times, basically, once a week since I was in the crib |
Like, you fell in love, Nature took it course blah blah blah |
Now here I am |
I I don't exactly like to think about the details |
You know? Well, oh, that was only partially true |
What do you mean which part? I did meet your dad the party, but I didn't dare ask for his phone number or even talk to him |
I was such a wall flower dear |
I'd of died of embarrassment trying to speak to someone as charming and handsome as your father |
So I did what came naturally |
I'm terrified to ask what came naturally |
Nothing terrible dear |
Why? I just followed him home and started well, stalking him |
How is that not terrible? Because I did it out of love |
Oh, I devoted every waking moment to learning all about him his schedule his legs and dislikes when he was most likely to be alone |
And after about six months of that, well, unhealthy behavior, you got up the nerve to ask him out like a normal person? Oh, goodness |
No |
I can kidnapped him and kept him chained in the basement of my parents house |
Grandpa and grandma know about this? Well, of course, Sweetheart |
It's how they met too |
Oh my god |
Oh my god |
Oh my god |
I'm my oh My god |
My family tree for nuts |
Your father stayed with us for about five months that way |
Chained up |
Oh, not the entire time dear |
He was perhaps a bit confused and reluctant at first |
But soon enough, he was our willing guest |
After all, we treated him better than his own family ever had |
Loved him cared for him |
You gave dad stockholm syndrome? Oh, Don't be so judgmental audrey wasn't quite like that |
Your father always had his own Well, darker pro even before we met, Learning about them while I stalk him only made me love him more |
How could he do anything but fall in love with me? The one person who understood and accepted him, all of him |
Eventually, I only chained him up when he begged me to do it, Dear |
It it was consensual |
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