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(\|T\|)\|here\|'s\|only\|so\|much\|anyone\|can\|do\|with\|a\|florid\|,\|overplotted\|,\|Anne\|Rice\|rock\|'n'\|roll\|vampire\|novel\|before\|the\|built-in\|silliness\|of\|the\|whole\|affair\|defeats\|them\|.
It\|'s\|another\|video\|movie\|photographed\|like\|a\|film\|,\|with\|the\|bad\|lighting\|that\|'s\|often\|written\|off\|as\|indie\|film\|naturalism\|.
The\|techno\|tux\|is\|good\|for\|a\|few\|laughs\|,\|as\|are\|Chan\|and\|Hewitt\|,\|but\|when\|such\|a\|good\|design\|turns\|out\|to\|be\|a\|cheap\|knockoff\|,\|we\|ca\|n't\|recommend\|anything\|but\|a\|rental\|for\|The\|Tuxedo\|.
I\|got\|a\|headache\|watching\|this\|meaningless\|downer\|.
Apart\|from\|dazzling\|cinematography\|,\|we\|'ve\|seen\|just\|about\|everything\|in\|Blue\|Crush\|in\|one\|form\|or\|the\|other\|.
Too\|much\|of\|the\|humor\|falls\|flat\|.
Detox\|is\|ultimately\|a\|pointless\|endeavor\|.
Van\|Wilder\|does\|n't\|bring\|anything\|new\|to\|the\|proverbial\|table\|,\|but\|it\|does\|possess\|a\|coherence\|absent\|in\|recent\|crass-a-thons\|like\|Tomcats\|,\|Freddy\|Got\|Fingered\|,\|and\|Slackers\|.
The\|piquant\|story\|needs\|more\|dramatic\|meat\|on\|its\|bones\|.
Very\|special\|effects\|,\|brilliantly\|bold\|colors\|and\|heightened\|reality\|ca\|n't\|hide\|the\|giant\|Achilles\|'\|heel\|in\|``\|Stuart\|Little\|2\|``\|:\|There\|'s\|just\|no\|story\|,\|folks\|.
The\|plot\|combines\|The\|Blues\|Brothers\|and\|Almost\|Famous\|(\|but\|with\|bears\|,\|and\|a\|G\|rating\|)\|,\|with\|an\|excruciating\|dollop\|of\|Disney\|sentimentality\|mixed\|in\|for\|good\|measure\|.
No\|way\|I\|can\|believe\|this\|load\|of\|junk\|.
``\|Roger\|Michell\|(\|''\|Notting\|Hill\|``\|)\|directs\|a\|morality\|thriller\|.\|''
It\|'s\|dumb\|,\|but\|more\|importantly\|,\|it\|'s\|just\|not\|scary\|.
There\|is\|no\|pleasure\|in\|watching\|a\|child\|suffer\|.
Just\|embarrassment\|and\|a\|vague\|sense\|of\|shame\|.
The\|movie\|'s\|accumulated\|force\|still\|feels\|like\|an\|ugly\|knot\|tightening\|in\|your\|stomach\|.
But\|is\|that\|knot\|from\|dramatic\|tension\|or\|a\|symptom\|of\|artistic\|malnutrition\|?
Even\|with\|a\|green\|Mohawk\|and\|a\|sheet\|of\|fire-red\|flame\|tattoos\|covering\|his\|shoulder\|,\|however\|,\|Kilmer\|seems\|to\|be\|posing\|,\|rather\|than\|acting\|.
And\|that\|leaves\|a\|hole\|in\|the\|center\|of\|The\|Salton\|Sea\|.
There\|'s\|just\|no\|currency\|in\|deriding\|James\|Bond\|for\|being\|a\|clichéd\|,\|doddering\|,\|misogynistic\|boy\|'s\|club\|.
When\|the\|film\|ended\|,\|I\|felt\|tired\|and\|drained\|and\|wanted\|to\|lie\|on\|my\|own\|deathbed\|for\|a\|while\|.
Full\|of\|witless\|jokes\|,\|dealing\|in\|broad\|stereotypes\|and\|outrageously\|unbelievable\|scenarios\|,\|and\|saddled\|with\|a\|general\|air\|of\|misogyny
The\|film\|'s\|hackneyed\|message\|is\|not\|helped\|by\|the\|thin\|characterizations\|,\|nonexistent\|plot\|and\|pretentious\|visual\|style\|.
The\|Iditarod\|lasts\|for\|days\|-\|this\|just\|felt\|like\|it\|did\|.
It\|feels\|like\|an\|after-school\|special\|gussied\|up\|with\|some\|fancy\|special\|effects\|,\|and\|watching\|its\|rote\|plot\|points\|connect\|is\|about\|as\|exciting\|as\|gazing\|at\|an\|egg\|timer\|for\|93\|minutes\|.
This\|movie\|is\|maddening\|.
It\|conveys\|a\|simple\|message\|in\|a\|visual\|style\|that\|is\|willfully\|overwrought\|.
Should\|have\|been\|someone\|else\|-
The\|film\|is\|based\|on\|truth\|and\|yet\|there\|is\|something\|about\|it\|that\|feels\|incomplete\|,\|as\|if\|the\|real\|story\|starts\|just\|around\|the\|corner\|.
Why\|make\|a\|documentary\|about\|these\|marginal\|historical\|figures\|?
Would\|n't\|one\|about\|their\|famous\|dad\|,\|author\|of\|Death\|in\|Venice\|,\|etc.\|,\|be\|more\|valuable\|?
The\|lower\|your\|expectations\|,\|the\|more\|you\|'ll\|enjoy\|it\|.
Rarely\|has\|leukemia\|looked\|so\|shimmering\|and\|benign\|.
...\|is\|an\|arthritic\|attempt\|at\|directing\|by\|Callie\|Khouri\|.
I\|had\|to\|look\|away\|-\|this\|was\|god\|awful\|.
Even\|in\|this\|less-than-magic\|kingdom\|,\|Reese\|rules\|.
Velocity\|represents\|everything\|wrong\|with\|''\|independent\|film\|''\|as\|a\|commodified\|,\|sold-out\|concept\|on\|the\|American\|filmmaking\|scene\|.
Just\|one\|bad\|idea\|after\|another\|.
Because\|of\|an\|unnecessary\|and\|clumsy\|last\|scene\|,\|`\|Swimfan\|'\|left\|me\|with\|a\|very\|bad\|feeling\|.
Though\|Moonlight\|Mile\|is\|replete\|with\|acclaimed\|actors\|and\|actresses\|and\|tackles\|a\|subject\|that\|'s\|potentially\|moving\|,\|the\|movie\|is\|too\|predictable\|and\|too\|self-conscious\|to\|reach\|a\|level\|of\|high\|drama\|.
A\|movie\|that\|hovers\|somewhere\|between\|an\|acute\|character\|study\|and\|a\|trite\|power\|struggle\|.
Corpus\|Collosum\|--\|while\|undeniably\|interesting\|--\|wore\|out\|its\|welcome\|well\|before\|the\|end\|credits\|rolled\|about\|45\|minutes\|in\|.
The\|last\|20\|minutes\|are\|somewhat\|redeeming\|,\|but\|most\|of\|the\|movie\|is\|the\|same\|teenage\|American\|road-trip\|drek\|we\|'ve\|seen\|before\|-\|only\|this\|time\|you\|have\|to\|read\|the\|fart\|jokes
It\|'s\|hard\|to\|like\|a\|film\|about\|a\|guy\|who\|is\|utterly\|unlikeable\|,\|and\|Shiner\|,\|starring\|Michael\|Caine\|as\|an\|aging\|British\|boxing\|promoter\|desperate\|for\|a\|taste\|of\|fame\|and\|fortune\|,\|is\|certainly\|that\|.
A\|by-the-numbers\|effort\|that\|wo\|n't\|do\|much\|to\|enhance\|the\|franchise\|.
Involves\|two\|mysteries\|--\|one\|it\|gives\|away\|and\|the\|other\|featuring\|such\|badly\|drawn\|characters\|that\|its\|outcome\|hardly\|matters\|.
Overall\|the\|film\|feels\|like\|a\|low-budget\|TV\|pilot\|that\|could\|not\|find\|a\|buyer\|to\|play\|it\|on\|the\|tube\|.
It\|'s\|of\|the\|quality\|of\|a\|lesser\|Harrison\|Ford\|movie\|-\|Six\|Days\|,\|Seven\|Nights\|,\|maybe\|,\|or\|that\|dreadful\|Sabrina\|remake\|.
It\|appears\|that\|something\|has\|been\|lost\|in\|the\|translation\|to\|the\|screen\|.
Despite\|all\|evidence\|to\|the\|contrary\|,\|this\|clunker\|has\|somehow\|managed\|to\|pose\|as\|an\|actual\|feature\|movie\|,\|the\|kind\|that\|charges\|full\|admission\|and\|gets\|hyped\|on\|TV\|and\|purports\|to\|amuse\|small\|children\|and\|ostensible\|adults\|.
An\|unclassifiably\|awful\|study\|in\|self\|-\|and\|audience-abuse\|.
This\|movie\|is\|something\|of\|an\|impostor\|itself\|,\|stretching\|and\|padding\|its\|material\|in\|a\|blur\|of\|dead\|ends\|and\|distracting\|camera\|work\|.
Hey\|Arnold\|!
The\|Movie\|could\|have\|been\|made\|40\|years\|ago\|,\|and\|parents\|'\|appreciation\|of\|it\|may\|depend\|on\|whether\|they\|consider\|that\|a\|good\|thing\|.
This\|one\|is\|definitely\|one\|to\|skip\|,\|even\|for\|horror\|movie\|fanatics\|.
Excessive\|,\|profane\|,\|packed\|with\|cartoonish\|violence\|and\|comic-strip\|characters\|.
Once\|the\|50\|year\|old\|Benigni\|appears\|as\|the\|title\|character\|,\|we\|find\|ourselves\|longing\|for\|the\|block\|of\|wood\|to\|come\|back\|.
A\|working\|class\|``\|us\|vs.\|them\|''\|opera\|that\|leaves\|no\|heartstring\|untugged\|and\|no\|liberal\|cause\|unplundered\|.
If\|the\|movie\|succeeds\|in\|instilling\|a\|wary\|sense\|of\|`\|there\|but\|for\|the\|grace\|of\|God\|,\|'\|it\|is\|far\|too\|self-conscious\|to\|draw\|you\|deeply\|into\|its\|world\|.
There\|are\|simply\|too\|many\|ideas\|floating\|around\|--\|part\|farce\|,\|part\|Sliding\|Doors\|,\|part\|pop\|video\|--\|and\|yet\|failing\|to\|exploit\|them\|.
It\|takes\|a\|strange\|kind\|of\|laziness\|to\|waste\|the\|talents\|of\|Robert\|Forster\|,\|Anne\|Meara\|,\|Eugene\|Levy\|,\|and\|Reginald\|VelJohnson\|all\|in\|the\|same\|movie\|.
We\|have\|n't\|seen\|such\|hilarity\|since\|Say\|It\|Is\|n't\|So\|!
Expect\|the\|same-old\|,\|lame-old\|slasher\|nonsense\|,\|just\|with\|different\|scenery\|.
The\|Cold\|Turkey\|would\|'ve\|been\|a\|far\|better\|title\|.
The\|idea\|of\|49-year-old\|Roberto\|Benigni\|playing\|the\|wooden\|boy\|Pinocchio\|is\|scary\|enough\|.
The\|reality\|of\|the\|new\|live-action\|Pinocchio\|he\|directed\|,\|cowrote\|and\|starred\|in\|borders\|on\|the\|grotesque\|.
The\|ga-zillionth\|airhead\|movie\|about\|a\|wife\|in\|distress\|who\|resorts\|to\|desperate\|measures\|.
Zaidan\|'s\|script\|has\|barely\|enough\|plot\|to\|string\|the\|stunts\|together\|and\|not\|quite\|enough\|characterization\|to\|keep\|the\|faces\|straight\|.
Try\|as\|I\|may\|,\|I\|ca\|n't\|think\|of\|a\|single\|good\|reason\|to\|see\|this\|movie\|,\|even\|though\|everyone\|in\|my\|group\|extemporaneously\|shouted\|,\|`\|Thank\|you\|!\|'
when\|Leguizamo\|finally\|plugged\|an\|irritating\|character\|late\|in\|the\|movie\|.
While\|it\|'s\|nice\|to\|watch\|a\|movie\|that\|has\|n't\|been\|focus-grouped\|into\|tedium\|,\|Yu\|'s\|cinematic\|alchemy\|produces\|nearly\|as\|much\|lead\|as\|gold\|.
It\|treats\|women\|like\|idiots\|.
Though\|Catch\|Me\|If\|You\|Can\|is\|n't\|badly\|made\|,\|the\|fun\|slowly\|leaks\|out\|of\|the\|movie\|.
Just\|an\|average\|comedic\|dateflick\|but\|not\|a\|waste\|of\|time\|.
A\|valueless\|kiddie\|paean\|to\|pro\|basketball\|underwritten\|by\|the\|NBA\|.
Impostor\|has\|a\|handful\|of\|thrilling\|moments\|and\|a\|couple\|of\|good\|performances\|,\|but\|the\|movie\|does\|n't\|quite\|fly\|.
For\|starters\|,\|the\|story\|is\|just\|too\|slim\|.
So\|much\|facile\|technique\|,\|such\|cute\|ideas\|,\|so\|little\|movie\|.
The\|experience\|of\|going\|to\|a\|film\|festival\|is\|a\|rewarding\|one\|;\|the\|experiencing\|of\|sampling\|one\|through\|this\|movie\|is\|not\|.
The\|film\|takes\|the\|materials\|of\|human\|tragedy\|and\|dresses\|them\|in\|lovely\|costumes\|,\|Southern\|California\|locations\|and\|star\|power\|.
It\|has\|its\|moments\|of\|swaggering\|camaraderie\|,\|but\|more\|often\|just\|feels\|generic\|,\|derivative\|and\|done\|to\|death\|.
Almost\|gags\|on\|its\|own\|gore\|.
How\|do\|you\|spell\|cliché\|?
It\|'s\|sweet\|,\|harmless\|,\|dumb\|,\|occasionally\|funny\|and\|about\|as\|compelling\|as\|a\|fishing\|show\|.
The\|moviegoing\|equivalent\|of\|going\|to\|a\|dinner\|party\|and\|being\|forced\|to\|watch\|the\|host\|and\|hostess\|'s\|home\|video\|of\|their\|baby\|'s\|birth\|.
While\|(\|Hill\|)\|has\|learned\|new\|tricks\|,\|the\|tricks\|alone\|are\|not\|enough\|to\|salvage\|this\|lifeless\|boxing\|film\|.
In\|the\|real\|world\|,\|an\|actor\|this\|uncharismatically\|beautiful\|would\|have\|a\|résumé\|loaded\|with\|credits\|like\|``\|Girl\|in\|Bar\|#\|3\|.\|''
Too\|much\|of\|it\|feels\|unfocused\|and\|underdeveloped\|.
Under\|15\|?
A\|giggle\|a\|minute\|.
Over\|age\|15\|?
Big\|Fat\|Waste\|of\|Time\|.
Hey\|Arnold\|!
The\|Movie\|is\|what\|happens\|when\|you\|blow\|up\|small\|potatoes\|to\|10\|times\|their\|natural\|size\|,\|and\|it\|ai\|n't\|pretty\|.
Sometimes\|seems\|less\|like\|storytelling\|than\|something\|the\|otherwise\|compelling\|director\|needed\|to\|get\|off\|his\|chest\|.
This\|is\|not\|the\|undisputed\|worst\|boxing\|movie\|ever\|,\|but\|it\|'s\|certainly\|not\|a\|champion\|-\|the\|big\|loser\|is\|the\|audience\|.
You\|really\|have\|to\|wonder\|how\|on\|earth\|anyone\|,\|anywhere\|could\|have\|thought\|they\|'d\|make\|audiences\|guffaw\|with\|a\|script\|as\|utterly\|diabolical\|as\|this\|.
In\|the\|end\|,\|we\|are\|left\|with\|something\|like\|two\|ships\|passing\|in\|the\|night\|rather\|than\|any\|insights\|into\|gay\|love\|,\|Chinese\|society\|or\|the\|price\|one\|pays\|for\|being\|dishonest\|.
Chokes\|on\|its\|own\|depiction\|of\|upper-crust\|decorum\|.

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