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Less\|about\|Shakespeare\|than\|the\|spawn\|of\|fools\|who\|saw\|Quentin\|Tarantino\|'s\|handful\|of\|raucous\|gangster\|films\|and\|branched\|out\|into\|their\|own\|pseudo-witty\|copycat\|interpretations\|.
The\|film\|is\|like\|sitting\|in\|a\|downtown\|café\|,\|overhearing\|a\|bunch\|of\|typical\|late-twenty-somethings\|natter\|on\|about\|nothing\|,\|and\|desperately\|wishing\|you\|could\|change\|tables\|.
This\|rather\|unfocused\|,\|all-over-the-map\|movie\|would\|be\|a\|lot\|better\|if\|it\|pared\|down\|its\|plots\|and\|characters\|to\|a\|few\|rather\|than\|dozens\|...\|or\|if\|it\|were\|subtler\|...\|or\|if\|it\|had\|a\|sense\|of\|humor\|.
Takes\|a\|clunky\|TV-movie\|approach\|to\|detailing\|a\|chapter\|in\|the\|life\|of\|the\|celebrated\|Irish\|playwright\|,\|poet\|and\|drinker\|.
Not\|only\|does\|the\|thoroughly\|formulaic\|film\|represent\|totally\|exemplify\|middle-of-the-road\|mainstream\|,\|it\|also\|represents\|glossy\|Hollywood\|at\|its\|laziest\|.
A\|shame\|that\|Stealing\|Harvard\|is\|too\|busy\|getting\|in\|its\|own\|way\|to\|be\|anything\|but\|frustrating\|,\|boring\|,\|and\|forgettable\|.
Nearly\|every\|attempt\|at\|humor\|here\|is\|DOA\|.
Collapses\|under\|its\|own\|meager\|weight\|.
This\|is\|mild-mannered\|,\|been-there\|material\|given\|a\|pedestrian\|spin\|by\|a\|director\|who\|needed\|a\|touch\|of\|the\|flamboyant\|,\|the\|outrageous\|.
If\|you\|adored\|The\|Full\|Monty\|so\|resoundingly\|that\|you\|'re\|dying\|to\|see\|the\|same\|old\|thing\|in\|a\|tired\|old\|setting\|,\|then\|this\|should\|keep\|you\|reasonably\|entertained\|.
Technically\|and\|artistically\|inept\|.
Those\|who\|are\|only\|mildly\|curious\|,\|I\|fear\|,\|will\|be\|put\|to\|sleep\|or\|bewildered\|by\|the\|artsy\|and\|often\|pointless\|visuals\|.
Though\|Tom\|Shadyac\|'s\|film\|kicks\|off\|spookily\|enough\|,\|around\|the\|halfway\|mark\|it\|takes\|an\|abrupt\|turn\|into\|glucose\|sentimentality\|and\|laughable\|contrivance\|.
A\|long\|,\|dull\|procession\|of\|despair\|,\|set\|to\|cello\|music\|culled\|from\|a\|minimalist\|funeral\|.
Call\|me\|a\|cold-hearted\|curmudgeon\|for\|not\|being\|able\|to\|enjoy\|a\|mindless\|action\|movie\|,\|but\|I\|believe\|a\|movie\|can\|be\|mindless\|without\|being\|the\|peak\|of\|all\|things\|insipid\|.
Death\|might\|be\|a\|release\|.
``\|(\|Hopkins\|)\|does\|n't\|so\|much\|phone\|in\|his\|performance\|as\|fax\|it\|.
No\|,\|even\|that\|'s\|too\|committed\|.
He\|gets\|his\|secretary\|to\|fax\|it\|.\|''
Sodden\|and\|glum\|,\|even\|in\|those\|moments\|where\|it\|'s\|supposed\|to\|feel\|funny\|and\|light\|.
Priggish\|,\|lethargically\|paced\|parable\|of\|renewal\|.
A\|beautifully\|shot\|but\|dull\|and\|ankle-deep\|`\|epic\|.\|'
Even\|with\|its\|$\|50-million\|US\|budget\|,\|Pinocchio\|never\|quite\|achieves\|the\|feel\|of\|a\|fanciful\|motion\|picture\|.
This\|is\|a\|third-person\|story\|now\|,\|told\|by\|Hollywood\|,\|and\|much\|more\|ordinary\|for\|it\|.
The\|filmmakers\|know\|how\|to\|please\|the\|eye\|,\|but\|it\|is\|not\|always\|the\|prettiest\|pictures\|that\|tell\|the\|best\|story\|.
Written\|,\|flatly\|,\|by\|David\|Kendall\|and\|directed\|,\|barely\|,\|by\|There\|'s\|Something\|About\|Mary\|co-writer\|Ed\|Decter\|.
The\|characters\|are\|interesting\|and\|the\|relationship\|between\|Yosuke\|and\|Saeko\|is\|worth\|watching\|as\|it\|develops\|,\|but\|there\|'s\|not\|enough\|to\|the\|story\|to\|fill\|two\|hours\|.
Very\|well\|made\|,\|but\|does\|n't\|generate\|a\|lot\|of\|tension\|.
Like\|being\|invited\|to\|a\|classy\|dinner\|soiree\|and\|not\|knowing\|anyone\|.
You\|leave\|the\|same\|way\|you\|came\|--\|a\|few\|tasty\|morsels\|under\|your\|belt\|,\|but\|no\|new\|friends\|.
It\|'s\|depressing\|to\|see\|how\|far\|Herzog\|has\|fallen\|.
The\|question\|hanging\|over\|The\|Time\|Machine\|is\|not\|,\|as\|the\|main\|character\|suggests\|,\|`\|what\|if\|?\|'
but\|rather\|,\|`\|How\|can\|you\|charge\|money\|for\|this\|?\|'
Millions\|of\|dollars\|heaped\|upon\|a\|project\|of\|such\|vast\|proportions\|need\|to\|reap\|more\|rewards\|than\|spiffy\|bluescreen\|technique\|and\|stylish\|weaponry\|.
``\|Freaky\|Friday\|,\|''\|it\|'s\|not\|.
Perhaps\|a\|better\|celebration\|of\|these\|unfairly\|dismissed\|heroes\|would\|be\|a\|film\|that\|is\|n't\|this\|painfully\|forced\|,\|false\|and\|fabricated\|.
Although\|no\|pastry\|is\|violated\|,\|this\|nasty\|comedy\|pokes\|fun\|at\|the\|same\|easy\|targets\|as\|other\|rowdy\|raunch-fests\|--\|farts\|,\|boobs\|,\|unmentionables\|--\|without\|much\|success\|.
In\|this\|film\|,\|Aussie\|David\|Caesar\|channels\|the\|not-quite-dead\|career\|of\|Guy\|Ritchie\|.
Maybe\|you\|'ll\|be\|lucky\|,\|and\|there\|'ll\|be\|a\|power\|outage\|during\|your\|screening\|so\|you\|can\|get\|your\|money\|back\|.
The\|characterizations\|and\|dialogue\|lack\|depth\|or\|complexity\|,\|with\|the\|ironic\|exception\|of\|Scooter\|.
This\|film\|was\|made\|by\|and\|for\|those\|folks\|who\|collect\|the\|serial\|killer\|cards\|and\|are\|fascinated\|by\|the\|mere\|suggestion\|of\|serial\|killers\|.
For\|the\|rest\|of\|us\|,\|sitting\|through\|Dahmer\|'s\|two\|hours\|amounts\|to\|little\|more\|than\|punishment\|.
Narc\|can\|only\|remind\|us\|of\|brilliant\|crime\|dramas\|without\|becoming\|one\|itself\|.
Somewhere\|inside\|the\|mess\|that\|is\|World\|Traveler\|,\|there\|is\|a\|mediocre\|movie\|trying\|to\|get\|out\|.
A\|tedious\|parable\|about\|honesty\|and\|good\|sportsmanship\|.
Its\|strengths\|and\|weaknesses\|play\|off\|each\|other\|virtually\|to\|a\|stand-off\|,\|with\|the\|unfortunate\|trump\|card\|being\|the\|dreary\|mid-section\|of\|the\|film\|.
An\|artful\|yet\|depressing\|film\|that\|makes\|a\|melodramatic\|mountain\|out\|of\|the\|molehill\|of\|a\|missing\|bike\|.
The\|movie\|'s\|ultimate\|point\|--\|that\|everyone\|should\|be\|themselves\|--\|is\|trite\|,\|but\|the\|screenwriter\|and\|director\|Michel\|Gondry\|restate\|it\|to\|the\|point\|of\|ridiculousness\|.
A\|glossy\|knock-off\|of\|a\|B-movie\|revenge\|flick\|.
...\|expands\|the\|horizons\|of\|boredom\|to\|the\|point\|of\|collapse\|,\|turning\|into\|a\|black\|hole\|of\|dullness\|,\|from\|which\|no\|interesting\|concept\|can\|escape\|.
It\|'s\|just\|plain\|boring\|.
Sad\|nonsense\|,\|this\|.
But\|not\|without\|cheesy\|fun\|factor\|.
One\|of\|those\|decades-spanning\|historical\|epics\|that\|strives\|to\|be\|intimate\|and\|socially\|encompassing\|but\|fails\|to\|do\|justice\|to\|either\|effort\|in\|three\|hours\|of\|screen\|time\|.
Really\|dumb\|but\|occasionally\|really\|funny\|.
The\|movie\|wavers\|between\|Hallmark\|card\|sentimentality\|and\|goofy\|,\|life-affirming\|moments\|straight\|out\|of\|a\|cellular\|phone\|commercial\|.
The\|director\|'s\|many\|dodges\|and\|turns\|add\|up\|to\|little\|more\|than\|a\|screenful\|of\|gamesmanship\|that\|'s\|low\|on\|both\|suspense\|and\|payoff\|.
While\|the\|transgressive\|trappings\|(\|especially\|the\|frank\|sex\|scenes\|)\|ensure\|that\|the\|film\|is\|never\|dull\|,\|Rodrigues\|'s\|beast-within\|metaphor\|is\|ultimately\|rather\|silly\|and\|overwrought\|,\|making\|the\|ambiguous\|ending\|seem\|goofy\|rather\|than\|provocative\|.
The\|satire\|is\|unfocused\|,\|while\|the\|story\|goes\|nowhere\|.
They\|threw\|loads\|of\|money\|at\|an\|idea\|that\|should\|'ve\|been\|so\|much\|more\|even\|if\|it\|was\|only\|made\|for\|teenage\|boys\|and\|wrestling\|fans\|.
It\|'s\|mired\|in\|a\|shabby\|script\|that\|piles\|layer\|upon\|layer\|of\|Action\|Man\|cliché\|atop\|wooden\|dialogue\|and\|a\|shifting\|tone\|that\|falls\|far\|short\|of\|the\|peculiarly\|moral\|amorality\|of\|(\|Woo\|'s\|)\|best\|work\|.
Reyes\|'\|directorial\|debut\|has\|good\|things\|to\|offer\|,\|but\|ultimately\|it\|'s\|undone\|by\|a\|sloppy\|script
If\|you\|'re\|over\|25\|,\|have\|an\|IQ\|over\|90\|,\|and\|have\|a\|driver\|'s\|license\|,\|you\|should\|be\|able\|to\|find\|better\|entertainment\|.
The\|darker\|elements\|of\|misogyny\|and\|unprovoked\|violence\|suffocate\|the\|illumination\|created\|by\|the\|two\|daughters\|and\|the\|sparse\|instances\|of\|humor\|meant\|to\|shine\|through\|the\|gloomy\|film\|noir\|veil\|.
...\|the\|picture\|'s\|cleverness\|is\|ironically\|muted\|by\|the\|very\|people\|who\|are\|intended\|to\|make\|it\|shine\|.
Never\|does\|``\|Lilo\|&\|Stitch\|''\|reach\|the\|emotion\|or\|timelessness\|of\|Disney\|'s\|great\|past\|,\|or\|even\|that\|of\|more\|recent\|successes\|such\|as\|``\|Mulan\|''\|or\|``\|Tarzan\|.\|''
One\|of\|those\|so-so\|films\|that\|could\|have\|been\|much\|better\|.
Crossroads\|feels\|like\|a\|teenybopper\|Ed\|Wood\|film\|,\|replete\|with\|the\|pubescent\|scandalous\|innuendo\|and\|the\|high-strung\|but\|flaccid\|drama\|.
Fails\|to\|satisfactorily\|exploit\|its\|gender\|politics\|,\|genre\|thrills\|or\|inherent\|humor\|.
Interview\|With\|the\|Assassin\|is\|structured\|less\|as\|a\|documentary\|and\|more\|as\|a\|found\|relic\|,\|and\|as\|such\|the\|film\|has\|a\|difficult\|time\|shaking\|its\|Blair\|Witch\|Project\|real-time\|roots\|.
Cacoyannis\|'\|vision\|is\|far\|less\|mature\|,\|interpreting\|the\|play\|as\|a\|call\|for\|pity\|and\|sympathy\|for\|anachronistic\|phantasms\|haunting\|the\|imagined\|glory\|of\|their\|own\|pasts\|.
It\|has\|more\|in\|common\|with\|a\|fireworks\|display\|than\|a\|movie\|,\|which\|normally\|is\|expected\|to\|have\|characters\|and\|a\|storyline\|.
It\|appears\|to\|have\|been\|made\|by\|people\|to\|whom\|the\|idea\|of\|narrative\|logic\|or\|cohesion\|is\|an\|entirely\|foreign\|concept\|.
Less\|a\|heartfelt\|appeal\|for\|the\|handicapped\|than\|a\|nice\|Belgian\|waffle\|.
It\|'s\|not\|helpful\|to\|listen\|to\|extremist\|name-calling\|,\|regardless\|of\|whether\|you\|think\|Kissinger\|was\|a\|calculating\|fiend\|or\|just\|a\|slippery\|self-promoter\|.
Abandon\|spends\|90\|minutes\|trying\|figure\|out\|whether\|or\|not\|some\|cocky\|pseudo-intellectual\|kid\|has\|intentionally\|left\|college\|or\|was\|killed\|.
The\|only\|problem\|is\|that\|,\|by\|the\|end\|,\|no\|one\|in\|the\|audience\|or\|the\|film\|seems\|to\|really\|care\|.
No\|Such\|Thing\|is\|sort\|of\|a\|minimalist\|Beauty\|and\|the\|Beast\|,\|but\|in\|this\|case\|the\|Beast\|should\|definitely\|get\|top\|billing\|.
Robert\|John\|Burke\|as\|The\|Monster\|horns\|in\|and\|steals\|the\|show\|.
Due\|to\|stodgy\|,\|soap\|opera-ish\|dialogue\|,\|the\|rest\|of\|the\|cast\|comes\|across\|as\|stick\|figures\|reading\|lines\|from\|a\|TelePrompTer\|.
(\|T\|)\|he\|film\|is\|never\|sure\|to\|make\|a\|clear\|point\|--\|even\|if\|it\|seeks\|to\|rely\|on\|an\|ambiguous\|presentation\|.
While\|it\|may\|not\|add\|up\|to\|the\|sum\|of\|its\|parts\|,\|Holofcener\|'s\|film\|offers\|just\|enough\|insight\|to\|keep\|it\|from\|being\|simpleminded\|,\|and\|the\|ensemble\|cast\|is\|engaging\|enough\|to\|keep\|you\|from\|shifting\|in\|your\|chair\|too\|often\|.
An\|overwrought\|Taiwanese\|soaper\|about\|three\|people\|and\|their\|mixed-up\|relationship\|.
Nobody\|seems\|to\|have\|cared\|much\|about\|any\|aspect\|of\|it\|,\|from\|its\|cheesy\|screenplay\|to\|the\|grayish\|quality\|of\|its\|lighting\|to\|its\|last-minute\|,\|haphazard\|theatrical\|release\|.
A\|thoroughly\|awful\|movie\|--\|dumb\|,\|narratively\|chaotic\|,\|visually\|sloppy\|...\|a\|weird\|amalgam\|of\|`\|The\|Thing\|'\|and\|a\|geriatric\|`\|Scream\|.\|'
...\|another\|example\|of\|how\|Sandler\|is\|losing\|his\|touch\|.
Nothing\|sticks\|,\|really\|,\|except\|a\|lingering\|creepiness\|one\|feels\|from\|being\|dragged\|through\|a\|sad\|,\|sordid\|universe\|of\|guns\|,\|drugs\|,\|avarice\|and\|damaged\|dreams\|.
What\|goes\|on\|for\|the\|110\|minutes\|of\|``\|Panic\|Room\|''\|is\|a\|battle\|of\|witlessness\|between\|a\|not-so-bright\|mother\|and\|daughter\|and\|an\|even\|less\|capable\|trio\|of\|criminals\|.
The\|plot\|'s\|contrivances\|are\|uncomfortably\|strained\|.
Guilty\|of\|the\|worst\|sin\|of\|attributable\|to\|a\|movie\|like\|this\|:\|it\|'s\|not\|scary\|in\|the\|slightest\|.
Schnieder\|bounces\|around\|with\|limp\|wrists\|,\|wearing\|tight\|tummy\|tops\|and\|hip\|huggers\|,\|twirling\|his\|hair\|on\|his\|finger\|and\|assuming\|that\|'s\|enough\|to\|sustain\|laughs\|...
Its\|simplicity\|puts\|an\|exclamation\|point\|on\|the\|fact\|that\|this\|is\|n't\|something\|to\|be\|taken\|seriously\|,\|but\|it\|also\|wrecks\|any\|chance\|of\|the\|movie\|rising\|above\|similar\|fare\|.
By\|the\|final\|whistle\|you\|'re\|convinced\|that\|this\|Mean\|Machine\|was\|a\|decent\|TV\|outing\|that\|just\|does\|n't\|have\|big\|screen\|magic\|.
To\|say\|that\|this\|vapid\|vehicle\|is\|downright\|doltish\|and\|uneventful\|is\|just\|as\|obvious\|as\|telling\|a\|country\|skunk\|that\|he\|has\|severe\|body\|odor\|.
A\|film\|of\|empty\|,\|fetishistic\|violence\|in\|which\|murder\|is\|casual\|and\|fun\|.
Pretend\|it\|'s\|a\|werewolf\|itself\|by\|avoiding\|eye\|contact\|and\|walking\|slowly\|away\|.
It\|'s\|fun\|,\|but\|it\|'s\|a\|real\|howler\|.
Some\|fine\|acting\|,\|but\|ultimately\|a\|movie\|with\|no\|reason\|for\|being\|.
It\|'s\|difficult\|to\|feel\|anything\|much\|while\|watching\|this\|movie\|,\|beyond\|mild\|disturbance\|or\|detached\|pleasure\|at\|the\|acting\|.
A\|waterlogged\|version\|of\|`\|Fatal\|Attraction\|'\|for\|the\|teeny-bopper\|set\|...\|a\|sad\|,\|soggy\|potboiler\|that\|wastes\|the\|talents\|of\|its\|attractive\|young\|leads\|.

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