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PO1: It’s possible. There are some fucked up people out there. |
MM: And after all that fucking trouble—slicing up poor Ramesh with a boxcutter to steal his cab—all he does is pick people up and drop them off? |
PO1: Sure, why not? |
MM: Because that’s motherfucking ridiculous, you dildo! |
PO1: It’s still more likely than anyone from our company picking you up, because we don’t fucking service that area! |
MM: Bullshit! |
PO1: I’m going to hang up now, asshole. |
MM: I’m going to kick your ass! |
PO1: How are you going to get here? Do you want me to send a cab? ‘Cause we don’t send cabs to your area. Asshole. |
MM: I’ll get the ghost of poor, murdered Ramesh to have his Hindu gods send me a laser-shooting Vimana, and I’ll divebomb your bullshit company and annihilate your cock-sucking ass! [Editor’s Note: Those unfamiliar with the Bhagavata-Purana, Mahabharata, and Ramayana and their significance to the field of Ufology shoul... |
PO1: Keep on threatening me, prick, this call is being recorded! You’re on tape! You’re on tape, asshole! |
MM: Fuck if I care! Are they going to arrest me for threatening you with a goddamned Hindu spaceship? You fucking cocksmoker! |
PO1: I hope you like walking, asshole! |
MM: I hope you like being a dildo, you dildo! |
PO1: Fuck you, pal! |
NewYorkMoments said... |
I totally don't believe any of this happened. There's no way that anyone at a taxi company speaks English. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
newyorkmoments -- Good point. I was also pretty surprised the operators spoke English--although, the lady had a pretty thick Mexican accent. (You know, Mexican Spanish as opposed to European Spanish.) |
The cab driver I had the first day, however, didn't speak more than three or four English words, and was blasting the Hindu equivalent of Britney Spears the entire ride. He also seemed to be confused by money and got all stuttering cranky when he had to give me change. |
Prunella Jones said... |
Good post, Morb. I would say LOL, since I actually did laugh out loud, but that's so overused and dumb that it sounds trite. And truthfully it was more of a giggle than a "har har" type laugh, but that's because I'm such a girl. Had I been drinking wine while reading this, I might possibly have spit the mouthful all ov... |
I haven't had to call a cab since I lived in LA, thank God. For some reason I always ended up with drivers who were either 1)from one of those African countries whose name keeps changing monthly and couldn't speak a word of English, or 2)rednecks with five teeth who made me so nervous I'd have them drop me off two bloc... |
Hope you won't have to rely on cabs long. I imagine not having reliable transportation would make your ninja duties much more difficult. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
prunella jones -- Thanks for the compliments. No one's said anything that nice about me since that legless bum told me he "wanted my legs! My leeeeeegs!" and tried to shank them off with a broken Thunderbird bottle. Speaking of wine, I'm glad my silliness didn’t cause you to waste a drop. I just couldn’t live with myse... |
I’ve taken cabs in LA a few times, and I think that keeping the drivers from finding out where you live was probably a wise action to take. Better to be robbed and murdered in your LA home by a random, psychopathic intruder than a five-toothed cab driver that followed you home because your tip wasn’t large enough to ge... |
Thankfully, I’m done with taking cabs for a while—my car is fixed. Dealing with dickweeds over the phone still beats the hell out of getting up an hour early to walk to work. |
morbidneko said... |
sooo... why does "your mother" get a tag? |
Beefcake Almighty said... |
One cool way to fuck with cabbies... |
Have them come pick you up. Be standing outside in front of your place with a bunch of luggage in front of you. |
One item of luggage is a person (friend maybe) or mannequin that you have wrapped in plastic. |
Ask cabbie if he might happen to have a bonesaw on him somewhere. |
badgerbob said... |
Sounds like you moved to Jersey. |
Hilarious! Now I want to work as a taxi cab operator. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
morbidneko -- Because. Just because. |
beefcake almighty -- That's a great joke. Would it also work with a real plastic-wrapped corpse? Because I've got, like, a bunch of them I need to get rid of. I think the cab drivers around here might actually carry bonesaws ... or at least something I can use to cut bone. If all else fails, though, I'm just hucking co... |
badgerbob -- I think I just took the rude train to jerkassville ... whatever that means. |
ubermouth -- If you do become a taxi dispatcher, watch out for disgruntled callers flying around your office in Hindu space ships. Or disgruntled people standing around outside the office brandishing baseball bats and tire irons, which is, I think, slightly more likely. |
badgerbob said... |
I think it means that same train to Coney Island, that the Warriors were trying to reach, while being harrassed by other street gangs, because they were being blamed for the killing of Cyrus. |
Cannn you diggitt! |
morbid misanthrope said... |
badgerbob -- I never did see that movie. Hell, I never even played the video game. I did, however, once get in a gang fight with a local gang consisting of a Mexican kid, his five cousins, and a Chinese guy that claimed to be a professional boxer. Their gang name sucked, they didn't wear cool costumes, and the gang war... |
NewYorkMoments said... |
He had trouble with the money because in his country they use pebbles. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
newyorkmoments -- Oh yeah, pebbles. Anything too small to pelt someone with is currency. And ground up goat bones are magic. |
Mister Underhill said... |
I would LOL, but Pru shamed me out of it. Damn you, Pru! |
I really like the idea of rogue cab drivers. |
Captain Smack said... |
Just let us know when your wrath is unleashed and terror reigns down upon them. I won't feel right until this injustice is rectified. |
Also, I'm a little surprised that you called a cab in the first place... I always just assumed you rode around on a large, black stallion with glowing red eyes. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
mister underhill -- The idea of a rogue cab driver is kind of interesting--if not a little creepy. It's kind of like when a doctor takes your urine a bunch of times and then a nurse comes in and is all like, "Hey, who was that guy?" And then you're all, "That was Doctor Steve, taking my twice-daily urine sample like he... |
captain smack -- My righteous fury was unleashed, my enemies destroyed, and my thirst for vengeance sated--I was not, however, responsible for starting any of those fires in California. Just sayin'. |
I actually do ride around on a black stallion of sorts; although, it's technically a half-horse half-hellhound I won after kicking Satan's ass at an all-night Super Puzzle Fighter 2: Turbo tournament. Nothing--hellbeasts included--is perfect and I had to take my trusty steed to the vet. He was coughing up squirrel tail... |
morbidneko said... |
i'd like to book a one-way ticket on that sweet Hindu spaceship you mentioned. |
what's a "cocksmoker"? It sounds painful.. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
morbidneko -- I'll tell Ramesh's ghost you're looking for a ride. Just watch out if you use that laser, it's got a hell of a kick--even though, scientifically speaking, it really shouldn't. |
~Miss Smack said... |
oh, as much as I feel your pain, that post was fucking hilarious. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
miss smack -- It seems like most of my pain comes from dealing with the incompetent. Like, for example, when I tried to get my TV fixed at Circuit City. That's why I paid extra for the goddamned warranty. "Um, I ain't know how to fix no TV," said the ghetto-fabulous yet completely clueless employee. Thankfully I had so... |
elyse the portuguese said... |
Unfuckingbelievable. What a dick. and What a douche the second teller was. |
p.s. fucking hysterical. |
morbid misanthrope said... |
elyse the portuguese -- Good customer service is indeed dying like a cancer patient getting run over by a garbage truck full of AIDS. Thankfully, I'm quite a dick myself and have no problem giving people shit when they fuck with me ... and then finding them alone later and beating the jerkass out of them with a blunt o... |
BD said... |
Its been some time since I have made it all the way through. You know it's like Vonage (BD doesn't give a fuck about lawsuits, he's not American) I want to cancel my service - I have paid up to date and thats it for me. Ok, sir... |
The next month those dirty fucks sneaked another months fee from me. I mean, it's not like a million zillion bucks, but don't say it's coooool when its not. Thats just not the business at all. |
Called them back, We have no record of that request sir... |
I talked to [insert some comical Morbid style name for offshore call center dude e.g., Perry] last month his serial is #9746109, so why rape me an extra months fee? Is your commercial a lie?! Are you really not edging out competitors? Instead you molest the good will of your customers who were perfectly happy and would... |
morbid misanthrope said... |
bd -- Thanks for the tip. While Vonage had a decent, almost-laugh-worthy TV campaign a while back, I would never contribute to a company that rapes or molests its undeserving customers. Just not the business indeed. |
Widow Has Case Over Military Chopper Crash |
(CN) – A helicopter company cannot dismiss a negligence claim filed by the widow of a military pilot who died when his chopper fell apart in midair, a federal judge in Tampa, Fla., ruled. |
MD Helicopters did succeed in dismissing a claim for product liability, a jury must decide whether the company failed to instruct users about continued use following repairs, U.S. District Judge Virginia Hernandez Covington said. |
Pilot John A. Scott was transporting a military surplus OH-6A helicopter to Kansas from Lance Aviation in Florida in 2007 when the chopper’s main rotor blades, transmission and main rotor hub separated and caused the rotorcraft to crashed near Moulton, Ala. |
MD Helicopters moved to dismiss the three counts against it in a lawsuit filed by Scott’s widow. |
The company holds the type certificate for model 369A, to which the helicopter was covered by the Lance Aviation fixed-base operator in 2004. |
Lance had just completed three months of maintenance work on the helicopter when Scott took possession of it. “Lance utilized the services of an independent contractor to perform a 100-hour inspection, where it was found that the main rotor hub did not pass,” the judge’s order explained. “Lance sent the part to Tr... |
It was later found that “the hub installed on N468WE was not an original military hub because the strap pack assembly was not sold until 1993,” according to the court. “Therefore, the hub had to have been overhauled or repaired sometime between 1993 and Lance’s purchase of the part.” |
Scott agreed to withdraw the two counts of strict products liability, but Covington refused to dismiss the negligence claim, which alleges that the company breached its duty to provide instructions for continued airworthiness. |
“The court determines that a genuine issue of material fact exists as to the extent of any regulatory duty MDHI may have to provide instructions for continued airworthiness, and whether MDHI breached that duty,” Covington concluded. “Furthermore, it would invade the province of the jury for this Court to decide wh... |
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Harry Styles has been getting his nose stuck into the hugely popular erotic novel 50 Shades Of Grey and, in defence of E L James's books, he has claimed to The Sun that they're "educational". |
"I haven't bought it," insisted the One Direction star, "but a female friend of mine was forcing me to read it out to her the other day." He added "They were like, 'Just borrow this,' and I was like, 'Hmmm'. It seems interesting. I could probably learn from it, I don't know. I feel like it's an educational and interest... |
"I think that's important. You don't want to look back with any regrets, but at the same time if I met someone who I got on with and I liked then who knows?" he continued. "I know a lot of people are up for sitting down and going through who they have slept with. I know sometimes it might come across in the paper that ... |
Cutting and Processing Meats |
Offal (Variety Meats) |
Offal, also referred to as variety meats, is the name for internal organs and entrails of a butchered animal. The word does not refer to a particular list of edible organs, which varies by culture and region, but includes most internal organs excluding muscle and bone. Some cultures shy away from offal as food, while o... |
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