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this actually happened a couple of years ago. i grew up in germany where i went to a german secondary school that went from 5th to 13th grade (we still had 13 grades then, they have since changed that). my school was named after anne frank and we had a club that i was very active in from 9th grade on, which was dedicat... | confuse a 5th grade girl for a boy in front of half of her class. kids are mean. sorry sandra.** | gender-stereotyping | Title:gender-stereotyping
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it was last october, but i'm feeling the fall-out from it the most today.
after my mom died from cancer last year, i started looking for my estranged father. i had only known him for a short time when i was 6 and barely remembered more than his name. i never knew why he left and my mom would not talk about him wit... | i found my estranged dad, thought i loved him after getting to know him, got to know him better and changed my mind. | telling my dad that i love him. | Title:telling my dad that i love him.
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so i had the brilliant idea to use veet hair removal gel as the ol' danglies were in need of a trim and i had heard that veet leaves them smoother for longer. well i guess thats right when the skin has to grow back first.
pre-story: i tried this before and the results were great but i had decided to do it again becau... | had my balls burned by sauron and was left deveeted. | i was deveeted... | Title:i was deveeted...
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today i was going to have a bath after a long day of painting kids faces at a carnival. all would go well, except being the genius i am, i put in some epsom salts (i always do for my bath), and i grabbed my bottle of peppermint essential oil.
lately, i've been on a diy-pinterest-tumblr-let's-make-my-own-shit-and-be-f... | peppermint + bath = burning cold ladybits. | wanting a pepperminty bath. | Title:wanting a pepperminty bath.
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i haven't had a bath in practically years so, after finally moving into a house with a bath, i decide to have one. having recently purchased a shiny new bag of weed, i thought combining the two would be a good idea.
picture this; a very cramped bathroom, no windows, a shitty extractor fan, closed door, steaming hot ba... | got too high and too hot in the bath, almost cooked myself like a lobster. | having a spliff in the bath. | Title:having a spliff in the bath.
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this was like 2 and a half weeks ago maybe 3. so i left my house to meet up with my girlfriend at a spot in some sorta wood type thing near some nice houses. on my way i saw landscape workers working around the houses and cleaning. i meet my gf and go find a spot in the woods. the spot we went to seemed nice and lonel... | i had sex with my gf in the woods and got caught by landscape workers. | fucking my gf in the woods. [nsfw] | Title:fucking my gf in the woods. [nsfw]
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so, my oven is broken...and i'm out of cooking oil, but i want some french fries. so i search the internet and find that if you cover french fries with something, either napkins or another plate and microwave them, they turn out ok. so i tried it, i took to plates, smushed em together and put the french fries in the mi... | tried to microwave french fries and stuck my finger into a franken-fuck of pain causing first degree burns | trying to microwave french fries | Title:trying to microwave french fries
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this technically happened yesterday since it 1:30 am here, but i can't sleep because i'm worried.
before i start, let me set the scene. it's getting close to 6 on a mildly wet western north carolina summer day. not too much rain, but enough to get the grass wet, and i'm in the really mountainous part of wnc.
so any... | my truck went vroom vroom into a ditch. i tried to get it out, and it tried to kill me. after shouting "ole!" and getting scratched up more than a husband having sex with a kinky cougar, two rednecks helped me out of a perilous predicament. and now me, my testicles, and my truck are all safe and sound. | tearing through a friend's fence and nearly killing myself | Title:tearing through a friend's fence and nearly killing myself
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earlier today, i was at the local county fair in the lovely county of adams in wisconsin. i was there to enjoy the fair, help out and have a wonderful day. however, later in the afternoon, i found myself in the rabbit, chicken, duck, goose and dairy barn. i was behind a row of rabbit cages with my cousin, which bordere... | i fucked up by mistaking a heifer's want for water as a want for attention, petted it, and screwed my hand up pretty bad. mainly the middle finger. | petting a cow. | Title:petting a cow.
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so recently i have come down with a nasty upper respiratory infection and have been coughing a lot.
today, i was sitting in the cafeteria at my college when i felt a particularly big cough coming on. it was a very effective cough, and apparently too effective, because instantly i realized i had shat my pants. while... | i coughed so hard i shat my self and was happy about it. | coughing so hard i shat my self | Title:coughing so hard i shat my self
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so yeah it actually didn't happen today but about 5 years ago. i was still a virgin and kind of frustrated about it. you know how it goes "shit i'm still a virgin..."
so i was at this party and i heard that there was a girl which i heard she was pretty easy(let's call her easy girl from now on). so for the rest of the... | lost my virginity on someones driveway with a girl i didn't give a shit about and peed in her mouth. | girl gave me head, i thought i came...i was wrong![slightly nsfw?] | Title:girl gave me head, i thought i came...i was wrong![slightly nsfw?]
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my boss had a stroke. he was hospitalized today. while a coworker was explaining his status i had my ear buds in and was laughing hysterically like a hyena at adviceanimals. | caught laughing during bad news | laughing at the wrong time | Title:laughing at the wrong time
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this happened this last weekend we all know that "i'm glad you came" song right? yeah i now will forever hate that song
let me rewind i am 22 years old and in college my mom and sister came to pick me up for the weekend because my car is at the shop
well anyways that song comes on my sister starts singing it and of ... | i told my sister i came on my mother last night because of a song she was singing | making a horribly inappropiate joke | Title:making a horribly inappropiate joke
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every day i drive to a park and ride, which is about 2 miles away from my place. well this morning as i was leaving, i left my keys on the counter and locked the door on the way out. it was both my car keys and my condo keys and i had no way back in. my wife had left for work 5 minutes earlier; i tried calling her and ... | locked myself out of my car and condo, sharted, had to walk in the rain 2 miles to the bus. | locking myself out and thinking i just had gas | Title:locking myself out and thinking i just had gas
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so, this girl in my class and i have been working on a number of projects lately and we've developed a great connection. there seems to have been a number of signals, her calling things "our song," texts for no reason, etc... the only problem was that i was her group leader (she was working under me) and i felt it in... | like a girl, finally decided it was safe to make a move, slept with a different girl, fucked everything up | sleeping with a girl other than the girl i like | Title:sleeping with a girl other than the girl i like
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(technically this is more of a three years ago i fucked up, but i digress...)
back in the good old school days, we had friday sport. this term, myself and a group of friends decided to join the representative touch footy team, and we were waiting for the bus to take us to our semi final match.
my friend was sitting on... | sat in my friend's lap, douchebag teacher dislocates my knee, kneecap decides to stay locked to the side until i got to the hospital, drugs then two weeks on crutches. | sitting in my friend's lap... | Title:sitting in my friend's lap...
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so i got a windows 7 ultimate disc and decided i should upgrade and start fresh. i decide that i will keep all my files (about 400 gigs) so i brought my laptop to school to hook up to one of the extra hard drives while i had decided to reinstall. so get to school and whats the first thing my dumbass self does? put the ... | i wanted to upgrade my windows but didn't back up my files so now i have 400 gigs of videos and school work to redo/redownload. | prematurely formatting my hard drive. | Title:prematurely formatting my hard drive.
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okay so this morning i woke up extremely tired, looking for a way to wake my self up (i don't go back to sleep easily, so i decided to wake up instead). i chose food (what else!?)
so i went to the kitchen, poured some cereal into a bowl and got a cup, got out the milk and juice (i have the same god damn thing every da... | woke up tired as fuck and poured juice on my cereal and liked it** | making breakfast | Title:making breakfast
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**warning!: wall of text which could easily be viewed as really fucking boring**
the background of the relationship is that we had met online and hadn't met yet. he lives 200 miles away from where i live, but my life's rather busy and he doesn't have a job right now (unemployment in his region is over 50%, so i don't ... | would be that **he effectively told me i should live in a region he hates and i admire because i clearly don't understand the political climate — in so many words, we should break things off.** however, it's much deeper than that. apparently, half his family is from said region (and it's the half he dislikes, of course... | asking for the truth from someone i would have been in a loving relationship with | Title:asking for the truth from someone i would have been in a loving relationship with
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i had my electronics class today and my professor gave us an assignment where we have to make something from nothing. nothing being the broken computers and other electronics that we could find in our workroom.
my group decided to build a boat, because honestly, hot gluing a block of styrofoam to a cpu fan is the eas... | i bricked my phone by giving it shock therapy with an oscillator.** | testing a speaker. | Title:testing a speaker.
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Reddit TiFU (Today I F**ed Up) embeddings via Sentence Transformers to run semantic search
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