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In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example Input: First, I'm on mobile. Sorry.
I am a freshman (9th grade) in high school. I have 7 teachers, 6 of whom I don't mind, they teach well enough, and they give manageable amounts of homework. The other one, well, we'll call her Mrs. D. (different name)
In my state, school is divided in to 4 quarters, 9 weeks each. Last week was the 8th week. I had an 83 in her subject, Biology. It is worth mentioning that I am a GOOD student and had never made any grade below a 96 in science. In this story, grades are due 9th week, day 4.
8th week, day 3: Mrs. D adds in a 112 out of 14 for an assignment, which equals out to an EIGHT HUNDRED PERCENT. It was obviously accidental.
8th week, days 4 and 5: Fully expecting her to fix it, I think nothing of it. Mrs. D does not change the grade.
9th week, day 1: I consider telling Mrs. D, but don't.
9th week, day 2: I tell my 8th grade friend (at a different school) what happened. He says I should tell Mrs. D what happened. I do not.
9th week, day 3: I get sick and could not go to school.
9th week, day 4: (still sick enough to be out) I get on my computer. The 3rd quarter grade has been FINALISED as a 98.
9th week, day 5: I go to school, and there is a 98 on my report card. oof.
It is worth mentioning that the school admins could change the grade. AITA for not telling her?
TL;DR: Teacher put a grade in as a mistake, didn't check her grades before finalising them, and I got a final grade 15 points above what I was supposed to.
Example Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example Input: I have this friend and I feel like she tries too hard to be "LGBT". My friend and I are both bi. Ever since I met her she's had long hair down to her hips. She's recently got into Kpop and she's cut her hair and dyed it a burgundy color but before cutting it she was like "I want to look like [Kpop guy] from X Monsta!" Ever since she's got this haircut, she's been trying to "act like a guy." I asked her if she was transgender and she said she wasn't but she would go around yelling through the cafeteria saying "I'm just a lesbian bouncy boy". The same thing happens when I'm just having a regular conversation with her, she would ignore what I say and just say "I'm a lesbian bouncy boy".
On her Instagram stories, she would post stuff like "My man is annoying but I still love him". I asked her who her "man" was and she would show me some Kpop guy.
I also sit next to her during my psych class. We have free time during class sometimes, so once I was scrolling through a clothing site while looking through the swimwear clothes. I was asking her if I should buy a certain bathing suit, which was obviously being modeled and I showed her and she said "Yea.... is it bad that I'm getting a boner from this?" She said that very loud and everyone turned around to look at us. I told her to stop and I just sat silently at my desk until class was over.
Whenever we would walk together somewhere she'd say something like "My nuts hurt" "I have a fat dick" and it's been getting really cringy and annoying.
WIBTA if I told her she makes the LGBT community look bad?
Example Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example Input: I (23/M) have been friends with my girlfriend (22/F) for about a year now, and have been together for about five months. For the most part everything is good, she's a very kind and loving person, and in most aspects I'm happy with the relationship. However, there are a few issues, the most prominent of which is the fact that we haven't had sex in the five months that we've been together (Or the month or two that we had been dating.)
We've gotten close once towards the beginning of the relationship. Sparing the details, during foreplay she told a joke that we both laughed at for a while, and as the laughter died down she mentioned that it killed her mood, and we could pick up where we left off another time. So, we stopped. It was no big deal, sometimes you're just not in the mood.
Afterwards though any time she started to flirt with me heavily and I would respond in kind, she would respond with something along the lines of 'Hard pass' or 'Down boy,' because 'she's just teasing.' Being rejected so frequently and exclusively is doing a number on my self esteem, and the constant teasing is leaving me pretty frustrated. Strangely, she's frequently mentioned how 'healthy' our sex life is to our mutual friends.
Now, I'm someone who has a high sex drive when I'm in a relationship, and I really need physical intimacy. A decent part of a relationship to me is the feeling of being wanted, and expressing your want for your partner. I've tried talking to her about it a few times trying to figure out her reason for never wanting to get intimate in case it's something that we can work on, but she has yet to give me a reason beyond just 'not being in the mood.'
Considering everything else in the relationship is very good I feel like it would be extremely shallow of me to break up with her over sex. But, it's a serious source of stress in my life at the moment. With her either unsure of the problem, or unwilling to talk to me about what the problem is, I don't see it getting any better.
WIBTA?
Example Output: | HYPOTHETICAL
| 3 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Part 1. Definition
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Part 2. Example
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Part 3. Exercise
A couple months ago I decided to play a 1v1 bet against my friend in a fighting game called Brawlhalla. He was the one who offered the bet to me, which was surprising because he is known to be pretty bad at the game. I quickly accepted his offer and we began fighting. After a couple lost games I realized I was getting destroyed and a little tilted, so i did a big bet in an attempt to get my money back. I lost that one too, and at this point I owed about $160. I decided that I wasn’t going to be able to beat him so I stopped betting against him and agreed to pay him the money that I owed him as soon as I had the money. A couple weeks later I wanted to get Black Ops 4 because my friends were all playing it and the same friend I bet against agreed to buy the game for me. The game cost about $35, putting me at about $195 in debt. Fast forward to today, about a month later. My other friend who is known to be very good at brawlhalla told me that during the entirety of my bets, he was playing for the worse friend. He told me this because he didn’t realistically expect me to pay $195 so instead he should just settle for the $35 I ACTUALLY owed instead of the money that they tried to scam me from. So I was a little bit pissed upon hearing that my friend tried scamming me out of $160 and I decided to test him. I pretended like I had the full $195 and was ready to pay him, and he said “okay yea ill take it”. At this point I realized he was fully willing to completely scam me out of $195 and I now feel like the $35 that I owe him aside from the scam bets should not be paid. Am I the asshole?
Answer: | HISTORICAL | 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Teacher: In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Teacher: Now, understand the problem? If you are still confused, see the following example:
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Reason: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this instance: I (23/M) have been friends with my girlfriend (22/F) for about a year now, and have been together for about five months. For the most part everything is good, she's a very kind and loving person, and in most aspects I'm happy with the relationship. However, there are a few issues, the most prominent of which is the fact that we haven't had sex in the five months that we've been together (Or the month or two that we had been dating.)
We've gotten close once towards the beginning of the relationship. Sparing the details, during foreplay she told a joke that we both laughed at for a while, and as the laughter died down she mentioned that it killed her mood, and we could pick up where we left off another time. So, we stopped. It was no big deal, sometimes you're just not in the mood.
Afterwards though any time she started to flirt with me heavily and I would respond in kind, she would respond with something along the lines of 'Hard pass' or 'Down boy,' because 'she's just teasing.' Being rejected so frequently and exclusively is doing a number on my self esteem, and the constant teasing is leaving me pretty frustrated. Strangely, she's frequently mentioned how 'healthy' our sex life is to our mutual friends.
Now, I'm someone who has a high sex drive when I'm in a relationship, and I really need physical intimacy. A decent part of a relationship to me is the feeling of being wanted, and expressing your want for your partner. I've tried talking to her about it a few times trying to figure out her reason for never wanting to get intimate in case it's something that we can work on, but she has yet to give me a reason beyond just 'not being in the mood.'
Considering everything else in the relationship is very good I feel like it would be extremely shallow of me to break up with her over sex. But, it's a serious source of stress in my life at the moment. With her either unsure of the problem, or unwilling to talk to me about what the problem is, I don't see it getting any better.
WIBTA?
Student: | HYPOTHETICAL | 2 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example Input: Here's why I'm wondering if I'm the asshole- I knew going into the friendship that she had anger management issues, PTSD & other issues.
We got along well most of the times, but sometimes I'd just say something and she'd flip her shit. It's gotten worse lately.
* I asked her not to vent about Discord too me, because I'd left discord, and because it was a trigger I was working though at the time. She exploded saying I was "the only fucking person I could talk to about it" and an hour later, after I didn't talk to her, she said fine and she would treat it like a trigger. I said thank you. She refused to talk to me for 3 days after that.
* She said she was happy she attacked her mother & put her in the hospital, and that she would attack one of my friends and put him in the hospital if she could (luckily, she's in a different country than she is)
* She has gotten banned from several places because she told someone she hoped they would die, and that she would kill her.
* She accused me of not replying to her fast enough then refused to talk to me the next morning (this is why I blocked her, finally; and it's why I feel bad. It's not a huge issue, I was just so tired of the bullshit).
She was often sweet...
I feel really bad for blocking her and still do, because I know she struggles with anger issues... but I just can't deal anymore.
Example Output: HISTORICAL
Example Input: I’ve never had an easy relationship with them- they are several years younger than me. Because of other reasons, there was an extended period of time where we didn’t speak, a number of years ago.
We’ve very slowly reconciled over the last few years and after my boyfriend proposed to me, I suggested asking them to be bridesmaids as another way of bridging our relationship with his sisters. So we did. This was several years ago.
The wedding is in the next 6 months. Over the last few months, our relationship with his family has really deteriorated. FH’s grandpa refuses to talk to me and on occasion has completely ignored me (but won’t tell anyone what I did to piss him off. It’s been like this for about 6 years).
Issue 1) FH’s sisters have said if Grandpa isn’t invited to the wedding they wouldn’t come either. After many tantrums and FH’s enabler parents getting involved, Grandpa is now invited. (Not what we want.)
Issue 2) Bridesmaid 1 recently obtained an unofficial boyfriend. 6 weeks ago. She asked if he could be her date to the WHOLE day. We said no (don’t know the guy) but he could come to the evening. She cried and behaved extremely rudely and disrespectfully. Again FH’s parents come into it and suddenly unofficial boyfriend is now somehow invited to the whole day. (Again not what we want).
I feel I have zero control over my own wedding. Neither of the two bridesmaids have been any kind of supportive of helpful. They don’t want to come on my bachelorette party.
I can’t stand to be near them right now. I am not speaking to either of them. As far as I’m concerned they were given a great opportunity and have totally thrown it back in our faces.
FH isn’t keen to de-bridesmaid them because WW3 will kick off. I’m at the point where I empathise (as shitty as this is for me, they’re his family and it’s ultimately shittier for him), but actually I don’t want to spend my wedding with people I can’t stand that have zero respect for us. I’ve put huge amounts of effort in over many years and it is not reciprocated in anyway.
I’ve missed out a lot of detail because I’m frightened of being identifiable. Please assume that throughout all of this they have cried, made unreasonable demands, had a horrifying sense of entitlement, and been downright rude, difficult and disrespectful.
I really appreciate any advice- if IATA please help me to move forward from this without feeling shitty on my wedding day.
Example Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example Input: I've been with my wife for almost 4 years. We have one child together, and she's pregnant with our second. She's a great mother and partner, and I love her to death. She is currently about 8 months pregnant. She has gestational diabetes, so she is forced to eat a diabetic diet and check her blood sugars.
Throughout the pregnancy, she has been on and off about eating healthy and checking her sugars. She was very busy with work and school during the first trimester, so she primarily ate fast food between classes, etc and didn't check her sugar. I didn't really find out about her diet until later on when she said she was too busy/stressed to eat healthy.
I try to do everything I can to help and be supportive. I almost always have a diabetic-friendly dinner made for when she gets home and lunches packed for her. If she is out running errands and hungry, I tell her to text me before she gets home and I'll make sure there's healthy food ready for her. I also do the majority of our cleaning to keep her from being stressed. In my mind, we're in the pregnancy together, and I want to do everything I can to help keep her and our baby healthy.
For awhile, she was rarely taking her blood sugar. She was busy, stressed, and I think the pregnancy emotions were making things very difficult. After eating fast food (5 months pregnant), she came back home and I told her she really needs to take her blood sugar. She was annoyed, but took it to basically appease me. It was almost 300. For those unaware, those are dangerous levels. She took that as a reality check and started to manage her gestational diabetes better.
She finished school around 6 months. For the next couple months, AFAIK, she was doing better. The other day (8 months pregnant), she came home with fast food. I asked her why she didn't message me to make her food—she said she didn't think about it. I don't expect her to be perfect, so I just asked her to please take her blood sugar in an hour so we can manage it through exercise or whatever if necessary.
An hour passes by, I remind her, ask her if she wants me to get her supplies for her, etc. She said no she'll get it. Another 20 minutes passes, she said she is busy scheduling appointments. I told her I would literally bring it right to her since blood sugar is time-sensitive, and that her health is more important, but she needs to take it. She throws her papers in the air, yells that I'm annoying and nagging, and storms out of the house.
I can see how it can be perceived as nagging, but it's not only her health, it's also our daughter's. It's frustrating because I'm completely reliant on her actions—all I can do is try to make sure we have healthy food available and ready. We had a rough last pregnancy (ended up fine and healthy). So far through her appointments, everything has looked okay, but I'm still nervous about the birth.
Am I nagging? Should I just let her do her thing and not worry so much? Or is she out of line getting pissed at me?
Example Output: | HISTORICAL
| 3 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution is here: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this: My (35F) husband (37M) have been together for 10 years, married for 8. We have two kids. I'm pretty active on SM (mostly FB and IG), he posts on FB maybe once a year tops and on IG maybe once a month or so. Neither of us use Twitter or Snapchat.
I have no issue with his SM usage except for one thing - he has never posted a picture of me. On FB he says he's married to me, but doesn't have a single post or picture of me on either account. It's about 50% our kids, 30% travels (either trips he's taken alone or with friends or us together), and 20% his work/friends. About 1/4 of all those pictures include him. Even his profile picture is from our wedding but it's just of him!
WIBTA if I asked him to include a picture of me somewhere? I don't think I'm ugly or embarrassing to look at, and I don't need it to be a sappy post or anything like that. But like, if he's posting a picture of the kids at the zoo, why can't I be in that picture too? Or if we go on a trip somewhere, why not post a picture of all of us instead of just a landscape/the kids/him and the kids?
Is that a weird request? Also, I post pictures of him maybe a few times a year and he has no issue with it.
TLDR: Husband has never posted a pic of me on social media, WIBTA if I asked him to include me sometime?
Solution: | HYPOTHETICAL | 6 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
instruction:
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
question:
Not a throwaway but I've never really posted anything before.
2 years ago I met my bestfriend and his partner through work. We get along great and I genuinely love to chill with them. But recently I've developed feelings for their partner, strong feelings. I don't want to be /that/ guy and spill my heart out and make everything uncomfortable but hanging out with them just bums me out these days. So I'm thinking of coming clean, and cutting ties with them. I feel like that's the better alternative than me turning bitter and jealous and resenting either or both of them.
answer:
HYPOTHETICAL
question:
So I’m (20F) pretty newly out of a long term relationship (2 years) which ended pretty terribly. I had been wanting to be out of the relationship for over a year, but was always somehow reeled back in, gaslighted and manipulated. About 1 year into dating my ex (21M), I met an amazing guy. We really hit it off and became amazing friends- or at least that was my take on it. All my friends and even sometimes myself did have an idea that he was into me, but obviously nothing could have been said or done because of my relationship.
So I keep getting to know this guy, and started to develop some feelings for him. Things were not going well in my relationship, but I still felt really guilty to be having feelings for someone else, so I just ignored it and pushed all of that aside.
Fast forward to now. About one year after meeting this guy i’ve been getting close with. I finally ended my relationship and have been feeling amazing. Haven’t really been looking for anything. Me and the “friend” guy are still close and one night he started sending me flirty texts. We ended up talking about how we felt and he admitted to having feelings for me ever since we met, about a year ago. I told him that I felt something for him too.
So here’s the problem: he’s been in a “situation” with another girl for going on 5 months now. He’s talked to me about it a lot since we have been so close. Basically he doesn’t want to get super serious with her, even though it’s clear that she wants a defined relationship. So it seems they want different things, but they still hang out a lot. This guy seems to be pursuing me, and honestly I’m super into it. But he did mention to me one day that if that girl knew me and him were talking about this kind of stuff she would be pissed. So he’s being dishonest with her about what he’s been thinking about with me. Not sure how I feel about that either.
But WIBTA if I went along with his advances? I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes here but also could really see me and this guy going well together, and maybe even just having fun right now, who knows.
TLDR: WIBTA if I went along with the pursuits of my good friend who is talking to/ has a situation with another girl? Me and him
are into each other and she isn’t aware of any talks me and him have had about our feelings. But the guy is being super forward with me about wanting to hang out and see where things go.
answer:
HYPOTHETICAL
question:
My (35F) husband (37M) have been together for 10 years, married for 8. We have two kids. I'm pretty active on SM (mostly FB and IG), he posts on FB maybe once a year tops and on IG maybe once a month or so. Neither of us use Twitter or Snapchat.
I have no issue with his SM usage except for one thing - he has never posted a picture of me. On FB he says he's married to me, but doesn't have a single post or picture of me on either account. It's about 50% our kids, 30% travels (either trips he's taken alone or with friends or us together), and 20% his work/friends. About 1/4 of all those pictures include him. Even his profile picture is from our wedding but it's just of him!
WIBTA if I asked him to include a picture of me somewhere? I don't think I'm ugly or embarrassing to look at, and I don't need it to be a sappy post or anything like that. But like, if he's posting a picture of the kids at the zoo, why can't I be in that picture too? Or if we go on a trip somewhere, why not post a picture of all of us instead of just a landscape/the kids/him and the kids?
Is that a weird request? Also, I post pictures of him maybe a few times a year and he has no issue with it.
TLDR: Husband has never posted a pic of me on social media, WIBTA if I asked him to include me sometime?
answer:
| HYPOTHETICAL
| 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
See one example below:
Problem: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Problem: This is a retroactive AITA as this was about 2 years ago. As such, I may not remember all the details.
So 2 years ago I was in the midst of running a Pathfinder campaign (think D&D) that was going great. Good, fun group who showed up regularly and brought good personality to the table. During April, one of my players ended up missing game for 3 weeks straight due to her working on her Master's Thesis. I recognize that as an important, and legitimate reason for missing the game.
That being said, after the 3rd week, I told her that if she didn't start showing up to game in the coming weeks, I would not hold her spot in the game anymore. I only run 4-5 players at most and we had 5. Now, this was not a threat, nor was I kicking her out. It simply meant that if she didn't start coming regularly then I would give her spot to another player if one wanted to join and showed up regularly. I felt it was an imposition on me the GM to hold a spot for someone who wasn't showing up regularly. This situation was also made worse by some inter-player drama that occurred a month earlier, but that is irrelevant to this situation.
Now, I admit in hindsight that I was a bit of a dick in the way I presented that to her, making it sound like an ultimatum. It wasn't, nor was it intended to be. While I could have handled the situation better, I feel my reasoning in the matter was sound. I wasn't trying to be rude or threatening, just informing her that after a certain point of missing the game that I felt I couldn't hold someone's spot. She eventually returned and all was great, but if you're going to be gone for a prolonged period, it's a bit of an imposition to refuse a new player for someone who isn't there.
Solution: | HISTORICAL | 4 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Q: Apologizing in advance for the subject matter.
My sister and I share a bathroom. For the most part, we have no issues. The only problem is she ALWAYS clogs the toilet, I’m talking two or three times a week. If she took care of it, I wouldn’t even be posting this, but she never unclogs it herself. In the past, I’ve politely asked if she could fix it when it happens, but she can never even own up to it, saying it wasn’t her. We are the only ones that use that bathroom. I tried bringing it up to my mom, but she enables the behavior and just says she’ll take care of it herself. I want to skip the politeness and demand she act like a normal human being and clean up after herself like a functional adult, but I’m worried I’ll come out of that situation looking like the asshole.
A: HYPOTHETICAL
****
Q: I broke to with my girlfriend about five months ago. Due to living situations she stayed living with me until she could save up to fully moved out. Over these months we've been dealing with it but came to a form of normalcy.
There has been some flirting time to time since our relationship but I chaulked it up tonl us dating nearly three years. Recently she attempted to kiss me, but I pulled out of it. I didn't think going down there road would be a good idea as we broke up due to us not exactly clicking very well, though I suspect it was due to me being stubborn and not wanting to change from enjoying not being alone; I won't deny that fact.
Even though we aren't together anymore, I avoided dating anyone or get close enough to that because it was still a fresh breakup and to not put her in a place of uncomfort while she lived with me.
The other day I found out she's dating one of her friends and ever since I felt a sinking feeling and generally upset about it, and I'm not sure exactly why that is.
Am I the asshole for being upset about her seeing other people while she's living with me? Am I upset just because I keep seeing her everyday and things would be different if we didn't live with each other?
A: HISTORICAL
****
Q: sorry if this just seems like stupid HS drama but I don’t really know who else to ask!
So for some context:
Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 3 years and he is one year older then me. I am a senior in HS this year, he graduated last year.
Last year, I went to his prom with him. He didn’t want to dance, and I’m not really close with his friends so it was kind of boring but I was thankful to experience it with him! I convinced him only to dance to a couple songs but he was not into it at all, his friends weren’t either. They pretty much just wanted to sit at their table (it was only my boyfriends friend group) and just talk and make jokes. Which I wasn’t mad about, it wasn’t my prom so I just tried to be there with him.
We’ve also been to several parties and events and he is the type of person who would rather sit and eat and talk than dance and get “lit” lmao. It’s okay because I understand people are different. I can feel awkward like that too but once I get my friends encouragements I just want to be loose and have fun, and it’s awkward with him because I can tell he’s upset if I leave him alone but I know he also doesn’t wanna dance.
So this year is my prom and I kind of.... don’t want him to go with me. I love him but I’d much rather go with one of my girlfriends who I know I can let loose and be free with. And i want to be with a group of my own friends, and he doesn’t really know them THAT well. I feel like if I go with him I’ll be glued to the chair all night. I haven’t had a really good high school life and I want to be able to end on a fun note:)
Sorry this was so long but... yeah, would I be the asshole if I tell him I don’t wanna go with him? He has expressed he does want to go with me and keeps asking if he’s going to be my date but the way he asks he’s saying he does wanna come and has even suggested that he should because I was HIS date for HIS prom. So yeah I’d love ur opinions!
A: | HYPOTHETICAL
****
| 4 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
instruction:
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
question:
Every morning after breakfast my roommate leaves his bowl, spoon, and cup in the sink when the dishwasher is available. Every time I ask him about it (at least 10 times) he put the dishes away.
This morning I'd had enough so I texted him this:
Me: I'm tired of you leaving ur fucking bowl in the sink
Me: I do literally all the housework and I ask you for one simple thing
Him: Ill be home in 2 hrs dont get ur vagina in a knot
- End of conversation -
The thing that gets me is that he always cleans up after himself if I or another roommate is in the kitchen, so I feel like he is clearly deciding not to clean up when nobody is watching.
Obviously it only takes me 10 seconds to put his dishes away but it's not about that. It also only takes him ten seconds and it's his mess.
Was I out of line texting him that?
answer:
HISTORICAL
question:
**Cast of characters:**
**Me**: 18/m senior in high school who attends an online school and also works from home
**Mother**: My mother, whose house I live in (I mean, my parents are married, so I guess it's also my dad's house)
​
**Background:**
So, we are your average middle class American family, except for the fact that my mom has two horses, and our whole life seems to resolve around them. Now, you may say, "But elaboratenoodle! Horses are so expensive — you are very privileged!" However, I can assure you that we are far from wealthy — the horses are our only "splurge," and I don't enjoy or ever ride them. Because of the horses, my mother has disrupted our lives in a bunch of little ways, but the biggest issue was when she moved our whole family to a different county in order to buy a farm, which meant leaving all of my friends behind and moving to an area where the closest grocery store is almost half an hour away, and going to my office (which I only do once a week) takes almost an hour. But, the little things are just as bad — things like selling our beloved pop-up camper to buy a horse trailer. Now, as every pre-teen has inevitably been told, *owning horses is expensive*. And, yeah, it can be. However, the prices goes up significantly when the two perfectionists that are my parents decide to purchase *a farm*, a brand new truck, a tractor, and a horse trailer.
My parents are pretty smart, but all of these things are pretty financially taxing, and I know we're in a lot of debt. Now, don't get me wrong: I still have an amazing life, and my parents really do care about and love me and my siblings. They even helped me to buy my first car, and pay for my insurance. Still, I still am not happy about this horse scenario. Because we are in debt, I feel *really* guilty whenever they spend money on me at all — I've started paying for my own tuition, a lot of my own food, and I will occasionally secretly cover their grocery bills when I go shopping. But, it's taken a toll on our lives: we avoid making necessary repairs to our house and our cars, paying the taxes is always an ordeal, and we can't afford to go on any trips.
Now, I understand that it's their money, and I appreciate everything that they do for me. But now, I'm preparing to go to college, and their income is high enough to prevent me from getting good financial aid, but because they spend it so foolishly, they can't afford to even help me a little, like paying for my books or helping me out with the cost of housing. And I know that I don't deserve any of their money, but I am still not thrilled about the prospect of owing \~$100,000 for college (and no, I am not going to community college; the closest "community" college is farther away than several four-year universities).
​
**The Situation:**
So, as you can tell, I am not super thrilled about the horses, and they've been a lot of trouble from my perspective. But, they are really something she enjoys, and a way for her to connect with my sister. Okay, great. But, one challenge is that my sister chose to attend a brick and mortar school, meaning that only myself and my mother are home during the day. Because of this, my mom often tries to guilt me into helping her with the "daily chores," which include obsessively cleaning up after her horses, as well as brushing them, feeding them, and occasionally riding them.
Unfortunately, I am very busy at all times: I have an intense course load (trust me, it's not the type of online school you're thinking of), in addition to a bunch of extracurriculars, as well as my responsibilities as my company's only web developer / IT specialist / technical support representative. I have a crazy life, but I am very lonely and depressed, which isn't great when combined with a huge workload. I am awake and working from about 8:00 AM to 2:00 AM, I have no local friends outside of work (and all of those people are a lot older than me), and the only time I get out of the house is when I go to the office or go skiing with my dad (we got really cheap season passes for which I had to pay most of the price). My mom, however doesn't really have time for this either, as she also works, in addition to having to take care of the house during the day, but I really don't think it's fair for me to expect me to add even more chaos to my life for these stupid animals — chaos that leaves me covered in filth for the rest of my day. I feel guilty for leaving her so much work, but I really do not need more stress in my life right now. AITA?
​
TL;DR: My mother has thrown our lives into chaos because of her horses, and I don't want to help take care of them.
answer:
HISTORICAL
question:
This is a retroactive AITA as this was about 2 years ago. As such, I may not remember all the details.
So 2 years ago I was in the midst of running a Pathfinder campaign (think D&D) that was going great. Good, fun group who showed up regularly and brought good personality to the table. During April, one of my players ended up missing game for 3 weeks straight due to her working on her Master's Thesis. I recognize that as an important, and legitimate reason for missing the game.
That being said, after the 3rd week, I told her that if she didn't start showing up to game in the coming weeks, I would not hold her spot in the game anymore. I only run 4-5 players at most and we had 5. Now, this was not a threat, nor was I kicking her out. It simply meant that if she didn't start coming regularly then I would give her spot to another player if one wanted to join and showed up regularly. I felt it was an imposition on me the GM to hold a spot for someone who wasn't showing up regularly. This situation was also made worse by some inter-player drama that occurred a month earlier, but that is irrelevant to this situation.
Now, I admit in hindsight that I was a bit of a dick in the way I presented that to her, making it sound like an ultimatum. It wasn't, nor was it intended to be. While I could have handled the situation better, I feel my reasoning in the matter was sound. I wasn't trying to be rude or threatening, just informing her that after a certain point of missing the game that I felt I couldn't hold someone's spot. She eventually returned and all was great, but if you're going to be gone for a prolonged period, it's a bit of an imposition to refuse a new player for someone who isn't there.
answer:
| HISTORICAL
| 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Input: Consider Input: Recently started traveling for week about one work-week a month. My wife works too, and I am usually the one that does drop off of our two kids.
She’s been bribing them (a 3 and 5 yr old) with dessert every afternoon to behave, and candy every morning to behave and get dressed.
I said “thanks - I’m either an enabler come Monday who is raising assholes who only behave for candy, or the actual asshole in their eyes because I don’t give them chocolate for doing normal shit every kid has to learn to do”
She responded “what I choose to do to survive alone, is my choice. I would really appreciate less judgment”
AITA?
Output: HISTORICAL
Input: Consider Input: I'm not sure if this qualifies as a dick move. It really caught me off guard.
Was getting brunch with the roomies and some of their friends. I get a $15 meal, they all get their own stuff with bloody maries.
The bill comes, we all hand over our cards, I get mine back to see it's almost $30, 2x as much as what I paid for. I speak up. Apparently the table decided to split the bill 5 ways. I reiterate my bill is twice what I paid. They say I should have said something when the bill came, even though I didn't hear this conversation. I push the issue a little more but no one is budging, so I let it drop, thinking maybe I'm overreacting.
Usually these guys are cool but I feel like I was just told to fuck off for no reason. For some reason I'm pretty upset about it, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't be? I don't know, it came out of nowhere. Honestly wondering if I'm overreacting or not, because I am admittedly under a lot of stress right now. I'm having money troubles so it's not like $15 is just pennies to me, but I don't like getting petty over money.
What do you guys say?
Output: HISTORICAL
Input: Consider Input: I (18M) am still a student and currently in my vacation so I'm home all day. My girlfriend (19F) works as a cashier in a mart. She basically leaves at 7 and returns at 4, and I'm so much attached to her that I basically spend all my day waiting for her to return. It's been a couple of days she's returning home late, at 6 mostly. Like always she texts me that she's back home, but these few days she says she's tired and that's it. She doesn't text me at all for a few hours and just texts me back at night as if nothing's happened. I don't know if I'm overreacting, but I don't get why she doesn't even text me saying that she'll get some sleep and then text me after waking up. She wakes up, does her shopping for dinner, goes to her friend comes back and then texts me saying what I have been up to. So today I've had enough so I said i was sad and mad that she didn't text me saying she'd sleep and didn't text me after waking up. I said that I'd text her tomorrow because I was not in a good mood today. I'd be happy to hear her out tomorrow and accept it if I was overreacting and maybe she was really tired and i would be the asshole then for not seeing it through her perspective. But she kept on spamming me hearts and kiss emojis, which to me was very annoying. I proceeded to tell her that her way of approaching and handling this situation was making it worse and we should just call it a day and go to sleep. She kept texting me saying why I had to be mad about small things like these, she also said that atleast she texted back despite the fact it being late. I didn't want to ignore her, but I was pretty much very annoyed so I still calmly said you're just forcing me to talk and its making it worse to which she replied that she didn't know how trying to handle the situation is making it worse and asked why I was thinking like that. "I don't have anybody else except for you to talk to", that's what she said. So I said "bro" and was typing out my message that this isn't okay at all but she quickly replied with "yes sis" which might would've been her attempt at trying to be funny but I honestly had enough. All i asked for was time and space which isn't even much as I said I'd text her back in the morning and it was 9 here already. She said "Go on then, text me back when you're mood is good. What can I do? Me speaking seems to only make the situation worse and annoy you." She said this in our language with much respect so this was very sarcastic and this is only a rough translation. I was pretty annoyed. I said you don't have to say that as a reply to her "take rest". So she started to rant again "Who am I to you anyways.. and blah blah blah", so I just blocked her for now.
I will text her back in the morning but I don't know if what i did was a good approach to this situation. I don't even know if the title is right for this but I'd really appreciate you guys' take on this. Thanks.
| Output: HISTORICAL
| 2 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Part 1. Definition
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Part 2. Example
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Part 3. Exercise
Hear me out, if the title was 100% true I wouldn’t be posting here.
Context: I was a hs freshman at the time and the kid was a senior. I’m now a college freshman.
This all happened in my freshman year in concert band. There happened to be a kid with autism in my class. The first day when I met him, we chatted about random stuff like football and other sport-related things. I can definitely tell without anyone telling me that he has autism, as I worked as a ilc tutor for most of middle school. I am totally fine talking and hanging out with pretty much anyone as I don’t care what a person looks like as long as their actions aren’t bad. Things are going smoothly, until 1 day about a quarter way through the semester he asks me a very inappropriate question relating to my genitals. I tell him “that’s not an ok thing to say” and everything is fine. Or so I thought. Throughout the next month the frequency of these sorts of comments increase, as do my response intensities. It got to the point where I felt sexually harassed, and I started telling him to “shut the fuck up and leave me alone, asshole.” He went away after that.
Now it’s at this point in the story where some of you are gonna say “just tell a teacher,” and yes, I agree, that would be a great thing to do except since he has autism, unless he physically does something to me, the teachers won’t do jack shit.
After I said that to him, the next day, he started saying that he was going to get me expelled from my school because I was a discgrase (bad spelling sorry). I had enough at this point so I started messing with him a little bit. I went along with his game, and every time he would say something about me being a bad kid, I would go along with it and make up stories about being a criminal. (My favorite was telling him I was a time traveling bank robber.) other than this, I didn’t say anything insulting to him.
One night, after a concert, his twin brother who doesn’t have any mental handicaps told me to stop messing with his brother or he would beat me up. I stopped after that and just avoided the kid entirely.
I know it’s been like 4 years, but this still sticks in my mind. I really don’t know if I was the asshole in this situation so I’d like Reddit’s opinion.
Thanks for reading. Let me know if I should put a TL:DR
Answer: | HISTORICAL | 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution is here: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this: So long story short.
I liked this girl, she liked me but didn't want a relationship, and I'm totally fine with that. Furthermore we talked about some stuff and she said she wanted to remain friends up also didn't want to talk for a bit so she could get on top of her emtions.
Today I saw her and she seemed like she wasn't doing to well, she's got a therapist and all that stuff, but I wanna just check up on her to see if she's all good?
WIBTA if I did this?
Solution: | HYPOTHETICAL | 6 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example Input: Hey Redditors
I work in a very poor town with low employment and lots of crime. There are more pawn shops here than I've ever seen anywhere. Some of them stock things that I'd like to buy at reasonable prices.
I have three conflicts:
1. A lot of the stuff is probably stolen (I assume?);
2. The people who pawn the items get ripped off badly - one place charged 350% interest for a loan secured against the goods; and
3. Buying something there feels like I'm contributing to a morally bad industry.
What's the rule here? WIBTA for contributing to the industry? Is it as bad as my uninformed opinion makes it out to be? I'd appreciate any insights.
Cheers all.
Example Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example Input: I'm 23 and recently an old friends younger sister started talking to me and hitting on me. The last time I saw him and his sister she was 9 and we were 14. I never really talked to her back then she was just around when I hung out with him back then. But now she just turned 18 and for some reason has taken a huge interest in me. Her brother doesn't know that she's super into me and she wants to hook up. Her brother and I were alright friends back then but haven't talked in 10 years except for a rare occasion a couple years back when he came to my dad's funeral. So knowing this is it still wrong to hook up with her?
Example Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example Input: So long story short.
I liked this girl, she liked me but didn't want a relationship, and I'm totally fine with that. Furthermore we talked about some stuff and she said she wanted to remain friends up also didn't want to talk for a bit so she could get on top of her emtions.
Today I saw her and she seemed like she wasn't doing to well, she's got a therapist and all that stuff, but I wanna just check up on her to see if she's all good?
WIBTA if I did this?
Example Output: | HYPOTHETICAL
| 3 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Q: Ok, I know I seem like a bitch, but hear me out.
​
I'm an orthodox Jew, and I live in a predominantly Orthodox Jewish neighborhood. One of the kids in this neighborhood was just taken out of his home, and needs a foster family for 6 months.
​
I'm a 13 year old boy, and I grew up with 3 older brothers. They all were reclusive to me, but they're amazing people and I love them. This kid, though, is a mess. Drinks excessively to the point of danger, drives drunk, smokes pot, comes home at 3AM on saturday nights, aggressive to his younger sister (she tattled on him about the pot), and so on.
​
I know it's a product of his home, but I really don't want to have to live with this person for 6 months. It's not really my choice, but AITA for not wanting him near me for half a year?
A: HISTORICAL
****
Q: I’m 18 (F), and I come from a catholic family.
We had a loss in the family a few months back that I was heavily involved in, I’ve been struggling with grief and haven’t been myself for months.
I don’t talk to my parents about how I’m handling it because I don’t feel they would fully understand how it’s affecting me. But around the same time I reached out to a close friend and he and a couple other friends have really been my crutch to get through this. One of these friends and I have recently gotten into a relationship and I’ve really bonded with him. He means a lot to me and he’s constantly worrying about how I am.
Well yesterday I came home, and I had some faint hickeys along my neck. Nothing too obvious but still there. My mom flipped and went off on me about how I claim to believe in God but then do things that are inappropriate. She asked if I was sexually active (which I am not) and how I can claim to be chaste when I’m with my boyfriend. She eventually said I was not allowed to visit his house and if he wanted to see me he would have to come to my house, because I obviously can’t control myself around him.
I’ve really been struggling with loneliness, my appetite and grief and I feel that if I let my mom control my relationship like this I could fall into a deep depression. These boys mean everything to me and while I don’t want to hurt my mom, I feel like she is going too far. I know she worries and she herself is struggling, but this doesn’t excuse her behavior.
AITA for putting myself first? WIBTA for ignoring her and doing what I feel is right for me?
A: HYPOTHETICAL
****
Q: I have a friend who we'll call Craig. We're relatively good friends (at least I think so), and they often help me with my problems. Craig has an SO who we'll call Kenny; Kenny and I had a falling out in the past and haven't interacted much since then, but what few interactions we have had seem a bit more friendly now.
Craig and Kenny are both (very skilled) artists and writers, and Craig has given me advice on my own writing in the past. Another friend of mine, Brian, recently gave me some money as a gift. I decided I wanted to use it to commission some art from Craig and Kenny, and contacted Craig asking about it. They seemed happy and grateful, and said they'd talk to Kenny about it, but Kenny was sick at the time and so it took a while to get a response. A few days ago, I told Craig what I'd like the art to be of, and they responded, again, they'd check with Kenny to see if that art fit the money I could pay, though it would only be a sketch. I haven't heard from Craig about it again, though that is partly my fault because I didn't bring it up in conversation after that.
Just today, I found another artist on Tumblr. They take commissions as well, and will do more for the same price. I'm considering commissioning them instead, but I would feel bad for canceling on Craig and Kenny when I already told them I'd be buying from them.
**TL;DR Have artist friend, get money, want to commission him and his boyfriend, tell them that, don't hear back about it for a while, find another artist and want to commission them.**
A: | HYPOTHETICAL
****
| 4 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
TASK DEFINITION: In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
PROBLEM: My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now. We were good friends for 3 years before this, so we do have some history together.
I am a science student and so getting to know that my research work would be shown in what's the most popular science magazine in my country meant a lot.
The head of the state would present it to me in front of some journalists and dozens of other important people in a 5 star hotel. So this was a huge thing for me, probably one of the highlights of my life.
I told my girlfriend this, she wasn't too excited but she told me she would join me for sure.
I had even gifted a dress she loved but couldn't afford. I told her even if she came for a few minutes it would mean a lot. My parents are no more too, so I didn't really have anyone else to come.
Phones were to be switched off during the main event so I did just that. The whole event passed and my girlfriend was nowhere.
When I called her later she just told me she was on her period and I was overreacting. She was apparently group studying with her friends. I obviously trust her on this since we have that kind of relationship.
I told her I was upset and she told me I didn't get her pain and I needed to be more sensitive of her issues and she didn't expect this from me.
I honestly just hung up on her at that point. I need some time to introspect.
She thinks she didn't do anything wrong, I think I am in the right.
It's confusing...
SOLUTION: HISTORICAL
PROBLEM: (Mobile, sorry. Throwaway because friend knows my main)
As baity as this title may sound, I did not tell my friend how i felt. I feel like I might though, since it’s not going to stop anytime soon.
We were having dinner at my friend’s house. We were having a chat with another friend and out came the subject of money problems.
As a background, My family is not in a “good” position monetarily. I split my bills with my brother and our mother lives alone. She works a lot and has nothing to her name. She’s nearing 60 and not retiring any time soon. She refuses help from us. My father is very poor, lives in another country and is very sick. I consider myself lucky that i can still get myself “luxuries” like my pet bird.
She complained that her father didn’t work. (He lost his job) Her mother paid all the bills. (She lives with her parents). She was worried and complained that money was tight. Their window had to be replaced since it was getting old, the oven was old too. She was angry that because of her father they wouldn’t be able to have their trip to europe as they wished, since they’d have to pay for him.
She also said that her parents were getting bored of their cottage house and they were thinking of building another one, but she complained that they didn’t have enough money and would have to sell the old one.
The whole monologue was a very “woe is me” vibe, and it made my heart sink.
I told her she was lucky to be able to worry about such things, and to feel grateful that she had such a nice life.
She kept complaining.
This happens rather often. I’m getting pretty tired of hearing it.
WIBTA if i told her how i felt?
SOLUTION: HISTORICAL
PROBLEM: Four months ago, my wife of five years cheated on me. She went out with several of her colleagues, had far too much alcohol and ending up sleeping with one of her male co-workers. I ended up finding out the next day, when she got home and confessed everything. She was so genuinely regretful and seemed terrified of losing me, that I ended up forgiving her.
However, we're now facing a different problem. My wife is pregnant and we both know it's not mine; I'm infertile. My wife swore that, if I wasn't comfortable raising another man's child, she would be willing to get rid of it or go it alone. The thing is, we've both desperately wanted children from the start. IVF wasn't something we could afford and we're fairly certain we'd never be able to adopt. After a day or so of thinking it through, I told my wife that I wanted to keep and raise the baby.
My wife is now roughly four months pregnant and we just broke the news to my parents. Knowing about my fertility struggles, it didn't take long for my mother to connect the dots and realize that the baby wasn't mine (I had gone to her after my wife confessed for advice). She didn't take it well AT ALL. Since she found out, my mother has been constantly telling me to divorce my wife and let her raise "the mistake she made" on her own. When I refused and told her that I want this baby, she switched to instead guilt tripping me about how the baby's real father will want to be involved. (Spoiler alert; he doesn't. He doesn't want kids and refused to even talk to my wife after she told him she was pregnant.)
She's gotten worse over the past couple of days. She was so supportive when we considered using a sperm donor last year, so I'm utterly baffled as to why she's suddenly decided that I shouldn't raise a child that isn't mine. Last night was the final straw. She decided it would be A-OK to give me the ultimatum - make her get an abortion or divorce her. No. Fuck no. I love my wife more than anything. Yes, she made a mistake, but I am not going to hold it against her. I've known about this baby for a little over a month and I've already grown attached, even though it isn't mine.
My mother's behaviour is driving me up the wall. I haven't let my wife see any of the messages she's sent me yet, though I worry she might start harassing her about an abortion soon. I'm considering cutting my mother out of my life until she pulls her head out of her rear. This behaviour isn't okay and I'm not having her upset my wife over a mistake we've both moved on from. Yet, I hesitate to actually cut her off because...she's my mother. I love her and I desperately want to see her come around.
WIBTA if I cut my mother off for this?
SOLUTION: | HYPOTHETICAL
| 8 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Part 1. Definition
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Part 2. Example
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Part 3. Exercise
Okay so I met a girl at uni and she’s so lovely and we get on pretty well. But she has really bad acne. Like, super inflamed blackhead clusters ALL over her face. I have trypophobia (fear of clusters/holes) and her face sets me off really badly. I get anxious and itchy whenever I see her and I can’t look at her properly when I talk to her without panicking. I feel so bad about it, especially since I have (not as bad) acne myself and I know what it’s like to be insecure about your face.
We’ve been messaging and she keeps trying to meet up. I’ve been dodging it so far and I feel awful. I think I’m going to have to politely tell her I can’t be friends with her but I’m not sure how yet. My friends are acting like I’m a massive asshole for this - are they right??
Answer: | HYPOTHETICAL | 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution is here: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this:
I'm 23f, he's 22M and he wears briefs. We've been together for about 8 months he wears Like tightey whiteys but I guess never actually in white. I feel like its just so boyish and not sexy at all seeing him in briefs and asked him a lot to try boxer briefs or boxers. I even bought him pairs of calvin klein boxer briefs because he wears the brief version but he said he didn't like them. Everytime I see him in briefs I just know he'd look way better in boxer briefs because he's really fit and works out a lot. He said he likes briefs because he gets the most support from them (his balls are pretty big I guess). Also he's been having slight pain in his nuts and he said his doc said to wear briefs. AITA for trying to get him to change?
Solution: | HISTORICAL | 6 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
[Q]: My wife and I separated almost 10 years ago. She dropped the news that she was leaving right after my estranged mother died. I try to keep a good relationship with her for our now adult children, but obviously I have some resentment.
One of my nieces reached out to me and told me that she was giving me a head's up that she would like my ex to come to her wedding. I wrote back and politely told her I'd rather she didn't come. My niece's father (my brother) called me and chewed me out for saying no and told me that I was doing a disservice to my whole extended family for trying to cut out his kid's aunt. I pointed out that she's technically not her aunt anymore and I'm a member of the family and she isn't, especially since she chose to leave, and now my kids will have to spend the wedding between both parents, rather than with me, since it is my side. He told my I could either get over it or not come. AITA?
[A]: HISTORICAL
[Q]: I have a friend who we'll call Craig. We're relatively good friends (at least I think so), and they often help me with my problems. Craig has an SO who we'll call Kenny; Kenny and I had a falling out in the past and haven't interacted much since then, but what few interactions we have had seem a bit more friendly now.
Craig and Kenny are both (very skilled) artists and writers, and Craig has given me advice on my own writing in the past. Another friend of mine, Brian, recently gave me some money as a gift. I decided I wanted to use it to commission some art from Craig and Kenny, and contacted Craig asking about it. They seemed happy and grateful, and said they'd talk to Kenny about it, but Kenny was sick at the time and so it took a while to get a response. A few days ago, I told Craig what I'd like the art to be of, and they responded, again, they'd check with Kenny to see if that art fit the money I could pay, though it would only be a sketch. I haven't heard from Craig about it again, though that is partly my fault because I didn't bring it up in conversation after that.
Just today, I found another artist on Tumblr. They take commissions as well, and will do more for the same price. I'm considering commissioning them instead, but I would feel bad for canceling on Craig and Kenny when I already told them I'd be buying from them.
**TL;DR Have artist friend, get money, want to commission him and his boyfriend, tell them that, don't hear back about it for a while, find another artist and want to commission them.**
[A]: HYPOTHETICAL
[Q]: Obligatory "I'm posting on my phone so sorry for formatting"
Tldr at the end, turned out longer than expected
Background - So with the new and final season of Game of Thrones looming my girlfriend of a few months and I have decided to rewatch everything to refresh our memories and hype us up.
Now the problem with this is that I don't intend to watch the newest season with her. A few friends and I have this little tradition with watching GoT where we go to one of their houses each week and watch the new episodes as they come out. This has been going on for a few years and we've been pretty pumped to watch the finale together for just as long now. It's great fun and a good way to see them as I don't get the chance all that often.
I mentioned this little tradition of ours to my girlfriend before we even started watching GoT so that she wouldn't be surprised by it, however when she brought it up last night she seemed pretty upset that I hadn't changed my mind about not watching the newest season with her and with my friends as intended.
So WIBTA if I choose to stick to tradition and not watch the newest season with my girlfriend?
Tldr: Girlfriend is upset that I'm choosing to watching newest season of GoT with my friends as we have a tradition for it, even after we plan on binging it up until release.
[A]: | HYPOTHETICAL
| 5 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
See one example below:
Problem: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Problem: I (F18) have been on a few dates with this guy and my feelings are really starting to grow, however, he (M18) just got out of a two year long relationship and even longer friendship.
He swears he’s over her and everything, which is cool but partly unbelievable to me. They hang out actively and it makes me feel a bit weary. Is this just insecurity and me being dramatic, or a red flag?
His exfwb is also really upset him and I are talking and it’s just been a lot of drama.
I really like him but I’m almost to the point where I kind of just want to let it fade because I don’t feel comfortable with him being SO close to his ex and exfwb.
WIBTA for cutting him off?
Solution: | HYPOTHETICAL | 4 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
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Question: After having been together for a year, my gf seemingly cares less about her appearance now. In particular, she no longer shaves her underarms and lip area.
I've not said anything to her about this as I don't know how to do it without potentially straining our relationship. WIBTA if I told her I'm not longer physically attracted to her?
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Question: I have a friend I play video games with. She seemed like a really nice person. I found out she was hanging out a lot with one of the people that was in our group (in game). So I asked if they were dating but she said they were just talking. Then I found out she has a boyfriend and shes being sending this other guy nude photos and stuff and I confronted her about how I felt it was wrong. She claimed that sending pics wasn't cheating. She was trying to justify what she was doing. After a long conversation she got angry and proceeded to delete me off the game and may not talk to me again. I know it wasn't my business but am I the asshole?
Answer: HISTORICAL
Question: So. A lot of context is necessary to understand why I was so upset to begin with. I don’t tell many people that I have a disability that basically makes everything I feel extremely intense, sadness, happiness, everything. I get upset a lot because of it and I don’t want people feeling bad because they didn’t technically do anything so I normally never say anything. I also hate using my disability as an excuse but it is important to mention in this story.
What’s also important to mention is that I spent three months in an extremely abusive relationship prior to moving to university. I never did anything about the relationship because I was convinced that I was over reacting due to my disability and my manipulative partner told me the same.
A friend of mine, let’s call him weeb, knee all of the above. He was someone I trusted a lot and he knew and the insides and out.
We were at the bar and I was alone at the table while everyone else was playing pool. I didn’t know how to play pool so I didn’t want to humiliate myself by going up there. Another friend of mine (let’s call this one memes) came up to me and asked why I was sitting alone and I explained. They said that I should come up anyway so I did. I went up and joined in on a great conversation. It was a blast.
But that’s when Weeb told me to move out of the way of the pool stick thing. So I did. Then he asked me to move more when I was clearly out of range of it (unless home runs are a thing in pool?). So he says “go away, you’re not wanted” and he pushed me so hard that I still have a bruise from where he touched me.
I got really upset by this. He knew everything that I had been through. He knew how many times I had been pushed down a set of stairs. He knew how much I was hit, and kicked and everything. He knew. I went to the ladies and I cried. I didn’t want to make a thing out of it because I often over react to everything and it’s just easier to hide. That way the only feelings that are hurt are mine.
Then another friend came in, let’s call him cloud. I was really surprised that he came into the ladies as he was transitioning. Coming back into the ladies must have been really upsetting for him but he wanted to console me. I was very thankful for that. I told him what happened and the context in which it happens (as vaguely as possible - I didn’t want to name names and I didn’t want to go into the exact depths of my abuse).
Cloud told me that I should go and speak to whoever upset me and talk to them about it. So I did... just not the way that Cloud recommended.
I walked up to Weeb who was at the bar ordering more drinks with memes and I aggressively ask him “was there really a need to push me that hard” and Weeb says “I didn’t even touch you”. I responded with “but you did” and he rolls his eyes and turned away from me. I got so offended, Memes and I made contact and he had “oh teas gonna spill eyes”.
I turned away and just sat by myself for the rest of the evening. When we were saying goodbyes I hugged everyone but Weeb and I said to Weeb “we need to talk when we’re sober” and he gave me major stink eye as he said “do we”. I said “yes we do.” And I walked home alone at 2am.
AITA for aggressively confronting someone about something personal in front of their best friend?
Answer: | HISTORICAL
| 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Input: Consider Input: I've lived in my townhouse for a couple years now, and the nice old guy in the adjacent unit moved out and was just replaced with neighbors I haven't met yet. Tonight, I was sitting in my living room and started smelling weed. Curious, I opened my back door a crack to investigate and got hit in the face with a strong smell of weed coming from the neighboring unit. I don't smoke. I've never smoked. I have no interest in smoking. And I don't want to smell smoke in my house.
Marijuana is not legal where I am, but I don't want to narc on my neighbors. I would just prefer that if they're going to smoke they do it somewhere that I can't smell it. Functionally, this would mean they'd have to do it inside their house or garage, or somewhere else away from home, since I'll smell it if they're on their deck or in the driveway.
I don't want to get into an altercation, so I'd probably just leave a note at the community mailbox. The next point of escalation (which I'd rather not do) would be involving the HOA.
So WIBTA for telling my neighbors not to smoke on their property so I can continue enjoying mine?
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Input: Consider Input: Sorry for the strange title, not sure how to summarise this. Basically I get this thing happening to me sometimes, not often but enough to make it one of my pet hates. I'll be passing a car and suddenly the lights will flash and it will beep loudly, usually causing me to jump in an undignified manner. Then I'll look around and some asshole will be meters away with a shit-eating grin. I'm not a confrontational person, and they have plausible deniability in this case, but it seems a lot like they do it purposefully. So I came up with a plan for petty revenge. I would not look around but immediately open the car door, get in and sit down. Then go to get my own car keys and start to put them in the ignition. At this point no doubt the real owner is running up to the car and shouting at me, I will smile sweetly and say "oh I'm very sorry, this car unlocked just as I passed it so I thought it was my car because mine does that! Oh how embarrassing!"
WIBTA for doing this? It may backfire if someone made a genuine innocent mistake.
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Input: Consider Input: So tonight my friends and I were having a big smash tourney/party, good 25 people showed up, including my ex girlfriend. Obviously in order to have that amount of people there, it takes a considerable amount of planning. One of my friends, let’s call him John, tells me that my ex is coming on Tuesday and he has no clue who invited her. He was saying that just to let me know and I figure, whatever, I’m not gonna let it ruin my night.
Fast forward to tonight. My ex tried hitting on me while I was drawing the bracket and took away my pen because she wanted info on John and a girl who I had hooked up with in the past, who is now friends with benefits with him. Mind you my ex was very insecure about said girl throughout our relationship, but she had nothing to worry since at that point i wouldn’t touch the girl in question with a 10 foot pole. I told her to give the pen back and she’s refusing so I just go and get another pen which she takes as well, so I just say fuck it and let her take them because I don’t want to get involved in her drama.
I go upstairs to get another pen and continue drawing the bracket, and I see her hitting on a mutual friend of mine who is really into it, and people were speculating they were gonna hook up. I’m fuming. I’m not over this girl in the slightest despite me breaking off an extremely toxic relationship. I play my first round match and I lose because I’m so damn tilted because A, my friend was cheesing bowsers up throw, and B, my ex and the other dude were being really flirty literally 20 feet away from me.
I just dipped immediateIy tell everyone some family thing came up and just dipped and didn’t look back. I was extremely uncomfortable, but I felt bad dipping on my friends like that. AITA?
| Output: HISTORICAL
| 2 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution is here: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this: I’m in college and one of the larger projects in the year is a group presentation to the class. After we got this assignment our group made a date to manage who was doing what, what to work on, etc. Fast forward to that date and when me and my friend get there we were greeted by a nearly complete PowerPoint. To try and help we started structuring the presentation, made it flow a lot better but honestly we were just polishing a finished product. Fast forward again to when we met our teacher to discuss what could be improved, changed or added, that escalated into one girl crying and the other calling us lazy and doing no work. She said there was an email of the PowerPoint. Me or my friend never saw the PowerPoint. One of the girls had my number and could have contacted me or my friend. I was mad because they did everything and left nothing for the rest of us which could lead to a low mark. They were mad for obvious reasons. AITA
Solution: | HISTORICAL | 6 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
[Q]: Throwaway because my roommate knows my Reddit account.
I live in a shared house with five other roommates off-campus at my university. I lived with one of these roommates last year and we got along well, but the other four are completely new.
Last year, I lived in this house and we had a command hook in the bathroom that I would use to hang up my towel when I showered. While I was out of the country last summer, one my roommates (J) basically redecorated and refurbished the place. When I got back, the command hook was still there, so I hung my towel up there for the shower. Throughout the entirety of the fall semester, no one complained about this whatsoever. I assumed it was the same command hook that was there from last year, but in reality, J bought a new one and hung it up.
At the beginning of this month, I came home drunk from a bar and for some reason, J decided that 1:00am on a Saturday would be the best time to tell me that I could no longer use this command hook because he bought it and would like to use it to hang up his clothes while he showered. Drunk aitathrowaway1321 slurred "yeah okay, whatever" and went to bed.
The next morning, having absolutely zero memory of this conversation, I showered and then went to the gym to sweat out the hangover. After coming back, I jumped in the shower and noticed that my towel was missing! There was a little blue sticky note next to the hook that said "missing something? Follow the sticky notes!" I followed the sticky notes downstairs naked (because no towel) and was greeted with my towel hanging downstairs next to a sticky note that said "bet you must've missed me after you came back from the gym! Next time, buy your own fucking command hook!"
I hung the towel on the bannister outside the bathroom to avoid a fight, but I chewed my roommate out for being passive aggressive and not talking to me beforehand. We still sometimes have arguments over this when I forgetfully hang the towel on this command hook, which he really only uses to hang his clothes on while he showers. I feel like his passive aggressive response and him getting angry at me is way overblown for this kind of situation; furthermore, it's kind of unreasonable for him to expect me to change my routine which bothered no one for five whole months! Furthermore, command hooks are literally like $2, so I feel like the response is disproportionate to the overall crime. This situation has also caused my other housemates to gang up on me too, so needless to say, I'm not too happy about it.
Am I being an asshole for thinking that my roommate is being unreasonable? I'm trying to avoid a fight, but it's kinda hard to when all of my roommates are now ganging up on me about this.
[A]: HISTORICAL
[Q]: So my friend (FA) recently put on his snapchat story if anyone would like to go see this really obscure band in a couple of weeks. I said I’d love to go cos it’s my favourite band and FA gave me the details and I’m pretty much set on going. My other friend (FB) asked if he could go too. Now I have absolutely nothing against FB and I would consider him one of my closest friends and FA feels the same way, we just don’t think he’d really enjoy it as he’s never listened to any of the bands songs, doesn’t like their music, and would hate the overall experience. I’m talking crowded places and mosh pits. I’ve known FB for years and he’s told me before how he doesn’t like that stuff. He would feel really awkward, we’d feel really awkward and probably miss out on doing mosh pits and stuff cos we can’t abandon him. We haven’t said a thing to him and don’t know how to go about letting him down. We see him real often and FA sees him for 3 hours every day at college. WIBTA if we told him he probably couldn’t come?
[A]: HYPOTHETICAL
[Q]: AITA?
My mother died 4months ago, and now, every one in my family are trying to stay "close" to me.
But only when they need something from me. Before, they would never call or text, only for christmas and such. Now my grand-pa needs something, he texted me "thanks for caring about me, ill need the phone i asked you a month or two ago"
Im sorry, but you live 1:30h away and i dont have a car. So what the fuck am i supposed to do? I know its family but its only making me more mad then anything else...
[A]: | HISTORICAL
| 5 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Input: Consider Input: I'm a firm believer that public libraries are for EVERYONE. Young, old, rich poor, everyone. Even mom's with toddlers who throw an unexpected trantrum. But the child wasn't throwing a tantrum. He was speaking at a louder volume to experiment with the echo of his voice. He didn't know any better, he was just learning. It wouldn't be a big deal if it didn't go on for like a whole 3 minute in the main check out section (not kids section). The parents were encouraging him to continue because they thought it was cute. And it was for a second but it got to be so jarring in such a quiet space.
It's not my job to police how folks raise their child, I get that but this would have been a great way to demonstrate the culture of a library. Make it game! Instead, it was like an alarm was echoing through the whole place. WIBTA, if I politely asked the months to try to encourage their curious child to be quieter?
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Input: Consider Input: Bit of background - she (29F) used to work with my husband. They were more friends than her and I were, but we would occasionally go out to lunch and hang out. I always saw her as quirky, but nice.
She lost her job and I know that she is a very dedicated and loyal worker, so I felt comfortable recommending her to work where I do.
Now that we spend more time together, I'm quickly realizing she is generally annoying. She has a lot of habits that annoy many people (mainly that she talks incessantly and doesn't take a hint that you don't want to talk), but she is nice and means well.
One thing in particular, however, drives me so nuts that I might just say something. She will always try to feed me (and everyone really) but she will not take no for an answer. Here's a scenario that just happened.
Me: *actively eating lunch*
Her: Would you like some chicken?
Me: No, thank you! I have chicken in my lunch.
Her: You don't want more chicken?
Me: No, thanks.
Her: But I'm not going to finish it all.
Me: You could save it for tomorrow.
Her: I could just put it on your plate and you'd have more chicken.
Me: Really, I'm good.
Her: Are you sure?
Me: Yes.
She then asked me again if I wanted it before she left. She does this all the time with candy, snacks, lunch, etc. and doesn't seem to take a hint. She means well and I can see that, but it is very annoying that she can't just take the no. WIBTA if I asked her to stop?
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Input: Consider Input: I am the only girl among my sibs of 4 and the youngest.
In the summer, I went travelling with my aunt and her family. When I arrived at our home country, I had my brother pick me up from the airport. On our way home, we were talking about my trip when my brother asked me if my cousins (who i was travelling with) do their obligatory prayers (we’re Muslims). Feeling like it was not my place to answer, I told him I don't want to talk about it. He immediately took it as a no and started talking shit about my cousins how they don’t pray and probably drank alcohol behind their parents' back. I didn’t want to hear his accusations and refused to participate in his conversation so I pretended to sleep (bad move).
This made him pissed off, so he suddenly sped up the car at an alarming speed and started calling me stupid, that i make a big deal out of everything cuz his qn wasn’t a big deal and that I treat him like shit even though he is my older brother. I didn’t say anything. Moments later, he shouted to get my attention and said “when im really pissed off, i won’t hesitate to raise my hand (ie he would hit me)”
Btw, when arguing in our language, esp the word stupid in his tone, it’s a really really horrible insult and packs a lot of weight.
He started bringing up all my wrongdoings in the past like the many times i raised my voice at my mom (i also know i was wrong most times and I've apologised number of times & definitely before my parents left for Hajj. ofc he didn't know this) and that one time, I wont let him use my mirror (long story). At this point, I was shocked and I wasn’t able to properly think. So I replied by blurting out his mistakes and he tried to justify them and was being passive aggressive.
Then he stopped by his fiancee’s place to pick up his things and left me in the car with the engine off and took the keys with him. I called my parents who were doing their Hajj in KSA & when my parents wanted to speak to him, he told them i was stupid & had the audacity to shift the focus on me by saying how rude i was to our mom before. Middle of the call, he said how he won’t hesitate to drive the car towards the wall so we would die. I’ve already started crying and was screaming like a crazy person in front of his fiancee, fiancee’s dad and brother. Somehow his fiancee convinced him to stay so I can drive myself home.
When I got home, there were these texts he left in our family group chat, calling me a fat cunt, that the next time he sees me, he’ll beat me up, etc. He also said he was happy to see me crying, cuz if he couldn’t hit me physically, at least he had the satisfaction of making me cry. He tried to play hero to my mom that if i ever raise my voice at her, he’ll slap the shit out of me for her.
Except he isn’t perfect either, he has had anger tantrums that hurt my mom badly, barely around to help my parents whenever we have house events (when he does, he does the minimum) and always takes his time that we are always late for anything. He also spends most of his time at his fiancee’s that my mom is constantly asking when he’ll come home. When our maternal grandmother passed away, he didn’t come home & when my parents came home from Hajj, he wasn't around to welcome them and all the relatives were asking where he was cuz it wasn't proper. Also, he is unemployed for over 4 years since graduating from uni cuz he didn’t want to have a job related to his field, wants easy money, leeches off my parents and brother. All my other brothers talk shit about him all the time cuz of his lazy ass. We are all concerned for him and even before this, I used to cook or buy food just so he could have a hearty meal instead of letting him eat instant noodles. He would sometimes ask me to get him something and promised to pay me back, but he never did.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago, my parents were planning to go somewhere this Dec and asked if I would like to come with so I said yeah sure. Afterwards, my mom said dad also wants to bring the brother who hurt me and asked if it was ok. Still feeling hurt, I didn’t say anything and left the room. Later on, I was told that my dad had bought the tickets & that this trip is supposed to be for us to reconcile. Apparently, my mom had been texting him and asked him to apologise to me (he is staying with his fiancee). He said that he wants to and that he’s not like that anymore. So my mom pleaded that we talk and forgive each other and I just agreed to get her off my back.
My mother is really upset that her children are fighting and I really don’t want to upset her any further. Thing is the wound is still so fresh for me and I am still triggered every time I read something on reddit or books about a similar situation. I can’t imagine going a week-long trip where I have to be close to him so I am now thinking of backing out.
So am I the asshole for not being an adult and sucking it up, and further upsetting my mom for not wanting to make up and would I be the asshole for backing out of a trip that is already paid for that is meant for us to reconcile?
| Output: HYPOTHETICAL
| 2 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
You will be given a definition of a task first, then an example. Follow the example to solve a new instance of the task.
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Why? the author is talking about something he wants to do.
New input: So I am normally not annoyed by anyone and am typically very accepting of new friends and new people. But at the beginning of this school year this girl just showed up and asked to sit at the table am sitting at. I said sure, as I really didn’t mind at the time. Now I sincerely regret it. She immediately started treating me as if we were best friends and she was over sharing her entire life story with me. It made me uncomfortable. She touches me a lot when I’m obviously uncomfortable, and I’ve even directly told her to stop touching me but she just won’t. I’ve tried to just tune her out and tolerate her- but if she thinks I’m paying to much attention to my phone she literally steals it from me and won’t give it back till I pay sufficient attention to her. She will also shove me randomly as a “joke”. I’ve told her so many times to stop stealing my stuff and shoving me. I’ve even gotten so mad I’ve yelled at her but nothing gets through her head. Anytime I tell her to stop she just goes “okay, you don’t have to act like my mom you idiot” and laughs. It’s not funny. Everyone in my friend group does not like her and we are all uncomfortable.
So I really just want to be direct and tell her to honestly just fuck off. Like I want to explain that we are not friends, and she needs to stop talking and sitting with me. Would that be to harsh? I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I’m so uncomfortable and irritated around her.
TL:DR: I let a girl sit with me at lunch, now she thinks we are best friends and she oversteps her boundaries and steals my phone. I want to tell her to leave me alone and stop sitting with me but I don’t want to be an asshole.
Solution: | HYPOTHETICAL | 0 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example is below.
Q: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
A: HYPOTHETICAL
Rationale: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Q: I played Monopoly with my mom, stepdad, and my cool brother Nathan a few hours ago and I feel really guilty for what I did.
We were playing Monopoly, and I cheated and it made Nathan go bankrupt real fast. I cut him short a dollar when I had to pay him a few times because he doesn’t always pay attention.
And then Nathan went bankrupt and he flipped the board and yelled the F word. I think he flipped the board as a joke because he never ever gets mad enough to do that stuff and he does that as a joke all the time but I think he accidentally said the F word
My stepdad thought it was real funny but my mom didn’t like that he cussed so she got him in trouble and now he has to do all the dishes at dinner tonight and I have seven brothers and two parents so that’s ten people’s worth of dishes to wash and that’s not really fair
AITA for cheating or is it Monopoly’s fault for being stupid
A: | HISTORICAL | 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
See one example below:
Problem: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Problem: So my[16/M] friend [16/M] has been posting a shit ton of his girlfriend. They’ve been dating for over a year, and I’m really happy for him. It’s not their relationship that I have issue with, nor is it the fact that he posts about it. My problem is like the quantity of posts. Every single day there’s a “She’s the love of my life” post of her, or a “absolute perfection” kind of stories/ posts on IG and SnapChat. Look, you want to post about your one year anniversary, or like spending a holiday together or something, I’m all for you, more power to you, but Jesus, it’s happening every day, to the point where he doesn’t even post about anything else. It’s not that I feel jealous about him being in a relationship or anything, it just feels like almost kinda like showing off, or trying to compensate for something. I know I don’t have a say in their relationship, and I don’t, I just was wondering if I’d be an asshole for just talking with him as a friend, and just nicely telling him to maybe to slow down a bit on those posts. So WIBTA for doing that?
Solution: | HYPOTHETICAL | 4 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
instruction:
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
question:
My wife died 2 years ago however we both decided if one of us died the other would wear the ring for a year, and then after a year passed we could choose to wear the ring for another year. Anyways I wore the ring for a year after her death and then another year. A few days ago was the date and after some reflection I decided to take it off.
It gets complicated because I have a great relationship with my in laws. When they saw me without a ring I could sense a lot of discomfort and awkwardness but they didn't say anything and now I feel bad. AITA?
answer:
HISTORICAL
question:
So hear me out. In the past few years, my parents got divorced and my mom, who I live with, decided to get remarried. It's been about two years, and I'm not a big fan of her husband. He's OK but he never really tried to get to know me, and he and my mother argue a lot. When our interactions have happened, we've argued a lot, and he's not been very nice. During their arguments, there's nothing too malicious, but they clearly have a lot of issues with each other and really shouldn't even be together in the first place. A few days ago, for some reason, my mom and I started talking about my stepdad, and she referred to him as "your father." I was a little taken aback. With everything going on, why should I call him that? I blurted, "he's not my dad." It wasn't an angry statement, just matter of fact. For some reason, she got really angry, and told me I was "ungrateful" and never "accepted him." She hasn't really spoken to me since. Is this justified, or am I the asshole?
answer:
HISTORICAL
question:
OK so please stay with me this is a very complex situation. My wife and I have been married for 4 years and together for over 8. For a little over 3 years we have lived in NYC which I absolutely hate. It overwhelms me, it is outrageously expensive, and is just hard to live in unless you are one of the mega-rich. We moved to the city to pursue my wife's dream of becoming a professional actor. Initially, the plan was to live here for two years and if she had not accomplished much by that time we would move back home (we are from the southeast).
During this time I have worked 4 different jobs and slowly made a decent living for us but it has been brutal. When we first moved I had to take a 100% commission job in sales just to get hired. Seven days a week work because I had to sell or there was no money. Needless to say we blew through what savings we had pretty quickly, most of which was from selling my car to afford the first couple of months rent. After the sales job I worked for a restaurant start up for a year, then broke in to healthcare management, and now manage a clinic. I have a good employer at this point, and our finances are at long last somewhat stable (been there 8 months).
My wife has made consistent progress in becoming an actor and trying to join one of the acting unions. She had to start with choir and ensemble roles, but over the time we have spent here she has worked and worked and made it in to principal roles and paid contracts. Now, when I say paid I mean technically they get a check but it is criminal what these theatre companies are able to get away with (we are talking like $200/week). I am extremely proud of her, and I have zero doubts that she isn't always doing her best to make something happen. I love my wife dearly and I know she loves me.
That said, I have always been the one that has to pay all of our bills. Rent, Internet, Phone, Electric I pay 100% every month and buy most of our groceries. I have very little residual income at the end of each month after bills though fortunately at this point I do have some going in to a 401k. I was already starting to burn out and then a real life change occured....
My father passed away unexpectedly last spring. We knew he wasn't in great health, but this was a shock. I got the call one morning and he was just gone. I loved my dad, he was a tremendous man who made sure I had good opportunities and was always around for me as I grew up. I was so fortunate to have a father that truly cared. I say that because this was a soul-crushing blow to me and has completely shaken me to my core and I still feel it every day.
Before his death, I had the resolve from knowing that even though I didn't like living in NYC my wife loves it and that I am being a good spouse for giving her the opportunity to pursue her dream. But now I can't handle it. I have panic attacks all the time, I have been going to a psychologist since November and have had no significant breakthroughs. I feel depressed all the time. I am trying to see a psychiatrist but finding one that takes our insurance has been tough. I have a very hard time completing even basic functions, and I know that my mom and brother are struggling.
I want to move back south asap and get closer to our family. I want to start preparing for my wife and I's life together and getting to a place where I can deal with this grief. We speak about it all the time and I know she doesn't want to leave NYC. She will but her conditions have been that I have to have a job lined up before we can, and she only really is OK with moving to Atlanta, Georgia (we are not from Georgia) because there is a market for her work there. I am torn because part of me thinks that my health should 100% be a drop everything and lets get you right sort of scenario for her but it doesn't seem to be all of the time. Then I am also torn because I feel I should be stronger and able to handle these things so that she can keep working on what she wants whether it be in NYC or elsewhere. I think my mental stability has about 6 months tops left in the city before I really break.
So I guess all of that is to ask this question. Would I be the asshole if I, after a reasonable effort is spent, relocate us back south after devoting 3.5 years of my life to helping her with her goal of being an NYC actor?
Thank you to anyone kind enough to read through that wall of text.
tl,dr
I relocated to NYC for my wife a little over 3 years ago to support her in her dream of being a professional actor. I hate living there, she loves it. I am the breadwinner and pay 100% of our bills, but she has made progress in establishing her career. My father passed away last spring and now my mental health has gone to s**t with the grief making the anxiety I have from living in the city, on top of the sheer grief itself, even worse. She doesn't want to leave but will concede to relocating to ATL, GA as there is a market there for her work. I just want to get close to home. Would I be the asshole if I, after a reasonable effort is spent, relocate us back south after devoting 3.5 years of my life to helping her with her goal of being an NYC actor?
answer:
| HYPOTHETICAL
| 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example input: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Example output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Q: So been bugging me for a week now. Was seeing this guy for a few months, I thought everything was going great. Had a text conversation with him late at night, both made a few jokes, said goodnight. Not heard anything back from him since that night. No signs of an argument. Been blocked on WhatsApp, I've tried ringing won't connect so I presume he's also blocked my texts. Would I be out of order to turn up at his door to find out what's gone on
A: | HYPOTHETICAL | 3 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution is here: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this: Context -So I had a uni friend (let's call her Ani) and we were friends from the very first year. We clicked and totally hit it off. She was very nice, very sweet (Italian) and she was always friendly. We would constantly go out to pubs (this is happening in London), restaurants and out as a group for coffee. We were happy and close.
So this story happens in our final year about a month ago from this posting. The final year is a big year because we have our dissertations to do. During the summer we were allocated a supervisor and chose topics. Ani got a notoriously lazy and slow replying supervisor from whom she couldn't get a reply from. So she messaged another lecturer (Jane, who taught both of us last year) and asked her of she knows if her supervisor was alive. Jane replied that Ani should just chill out and relax and stop disturbing the supervisor till after summer. Ani was annoyed a lot by this and told me this story.
Fast forwarding to December - I was in our uni library on the ground floor researching some stuff and I got a text from Ani. We messaged and turns out she was on the second floor. I told her I'd meet up in 10 minutes. This is where I thought of doing the prank.
I yped in Google - disguise my email and came to a website that could send pretend emails to people as if from another person. So I sent an email as if from Jane (the teacher that pussed Ani off) to Ani with this text:
'Dear Ani, I thought long and hard about out conversation last summer. I spoke with your supervisor and as a sorry here is a document with some research materials and links you might find useful.'
Attached was a word doc
In the document was a meme saying - you've been pranked LOL.
So I sent that off and then as a test I sent the same email to myself instead of Ani using the same website. The email was sent to junk and was blocked with the labels saying it was dangerous and malicious and that you had to give specific permission to open it. So I thought to myself that there is no point of telling Ani about the prank (which I had the full intention of doing because I was meeting her in 10 minutes) since the email was so blocked she wouldn't open it.
This. Is. Where. I. Ducked. Up
A week later I forgot about the incident. Ani didn't say anything either so I thought she never got it. Because if I got an email like that my first reaction would be to message the group chat and say - 'lmao which one of you shi* heads sent this?'. A week later I get an email from the head of department saying that she needs to interview me about 'impersonation of a teacher and harassment of a student'. My heart collapsed.
I message Ani out of panic and tell her the truth and apologise. I take it all on the chin. She tells me she was deeply hurt and traumatised and how I have no respect for her. I told her that's not true. We've been friends for so long. She tells me that she told the ENTIRE department about this and she was having another meeting with other lecturers. I told her:
-I'll take any punishment that comes to me even if it is suspension
Ani- suspension? You're going to get expelled.
At this point I was shaking. In England you pay for uni but you do get loans to help. I am not an British citizen. So I pay double without the loan that my parents pay and they struggle to. I work part time to help out too. To have all of that swept away in one go was terrifying. That night I seriously thought of ending i because of the shame I brought to myself and my parents. Then I decided to write a defence for myself and prepared for the interview.
When I came to the interview the head of the department was very formal and just asked for my side. I was very apologetic, telling her that :
I did not intend to be malicious
I had the full intention of telling her if my test email sent through.
I had no vendetta against her or Jane.
Ani and I were best friends.
If I thought that what I was doing was so wrong and I had the intention of doing it anonymously to I wouldn't have been stupid enough to do it on the uni system in the uni library.
(I'll post the resolution email from the head to me at the end if you want to read)
The head looked at the email, briefly smiled when she saw the meme and told me to wait for the judgment. A week later I was told that the case was dismissed and everything was fine and just not to repeat this again. Also the head told me that Ani asked her to tell me never to contact her again or come near her. Prior to this she had blocked me on all social media.
So am I the asshole here? Or was the joke taken too far?
TL;DR - made a prank email disguised from a lecturer to a friend with a meme inside. She took it personally and tried to get me expelled.
The resolution email from the head of department to me -
Dear Mark,
Thank you for coming to speak to me and H on Thursday and for giving us your account of the incident described in my last email. I’ve now had a chance to speak to the student who received the spoof email, and I’m writing to let you know that on behalf of the department, I have decided that no further action needs to be taken. This is because this is your first violation of King’s IT policy, and the incident does not appear to be part of a pattern of harassment of other King’s students or staff. I have let IT know the outcome of this investigation, and asked them to unblock your KCL account by the end of the day today.
I include here a brief summary of our discussion, for the record and so that D is aware of the details. Please let me know if you would like to make any amendments to this account.
When we met, you admitted immediately that you had sent the spoof email. You said that you and the student who received the email were friends, and that you sent the email as a joke from a library computer right before you were due to meet up with her, expecting that you would have a chance to explain the joke right away. You said that you had sent her other joke messages in the past, although not through King’s email. You said that you had not previously sent spoof emails, and that you found instructions for doing so online before sending this email. When you sent yourself a test email, you realized that the email you sent to her had been quarantined, so you assumed that she would not see it; it was only when you spoke to her later after she had released the email that you realized the seriousness of what you had done. You said that you knew about the student’s earlier correspondence with J about her dissertation because the student had told you about it herself at the time.
In our meeting, you expressed remorse for sending the email, and said that you understood the gravity of the offence and would not repeat it. You said that you are not currently experiencing difficulties that are interfering with your studies or your wellbeing, apart from the ongoing responsibility of caring for your younger siblings.
As we discussed at the meeting, any further violations of King’s policy (IT or otherwise) will be treated as a second offence, and may jeopardize your degree. This incident has been logged with the Student Conduct office in case this happens, although if there are no further violations, this incident will not appear on your King’s record. I would add from my conversation with the student who received the email that she has been distressed by this incident, and would like you to refrain from contacting her. I ask you to please respect her wishes.
Thank you again for your cooperation with this investigation. I wish you the best for the remainder of your degree, and I encourage you to speak to D as your personal tutor if you find that you are encountering any difficulties at any point.
Best wishes,
A)
Solution: | HISTORICAL | 6 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Part 1. Definition
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Part 2. Example
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Part 3. Exercise
I didn't have a TV and my friend hasn't been able to use his due to work, school, and family so he let me borrow it for a while until I got my own which I did recently.
I noticed that he left the protective plastic on the corners of the TV so I peeled it off. It wasn't blocking the view of the TV, just was around the trim. Still wasn't pleasant to look at. I didn't have anyone coming over but it was irritating to see it while I watched TV.
He got upset when he came to pick up the TV saying he's had it for years and didn't want the plastic removed. He didn't yell or curse or anything like that, just seemed irritated by it. I feel like he should have taken it off anyway and there's nothing wrong with what I did. That plastic isn't supposed to be there and is only meant for when it's being transported.
Answer: | HISTORICAL | 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
instruction:
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
question:
Alright I know everyone is going to be like “you can’t do that! Blah blah blah it’s illegal to ask if it’s a real service dog or not and blah blah blah you don’t know if they have a disability or not how awful of you blah blah blah” I know the rules but I also know real service dogs when I see them and I strongly believe this one isn’t.
A short back story, I live in an apartment complex on a military base. I recently got a puppy and since I don’t have a yard I take him out of the building to do his business. There’s other dogs in the building and most of them do the same thing so all the pet owners talk to each other while our dogs go potty.
One lady I talked to was new and had a large dog she would take outside and I would talk to her to make her feel welcome. Our apartment complex only allows pets on the first or second floor. She asked which floor I lived on and I said the second and she said she lived on the fourth.
I told her dogs weren’t allowed on the fourth floor (I have no idea why she wouldn’t know this since you have to sign a contract about it and know all the rules since the base is really strict about stuff like this. She also got him after they moved in to the building) She said she didn’t know that and thanked me. I didn’t think too much about it,I could care less honestly so I let it be. A few weeks later the same lady and her dog are walking around and I noticed he has a vest on. A service dog vest. I was like “maybe she got him trained because he was a handful before” I walked by her to get into the building with my puppy and the dog lunged, growled, and barked at me and my puppy. It scared me because service dogs aren’t supposed to be like that. The same incident happened on the stair way when I was trying to go down and she was trying to go up. Her dog went bonkers and dragged her to my dog and tried to jump on me when I picked up my puppy.
Idk if he’s aggressive or just really playful but he’s a little concerning to the other dog owners or people with kids because he’s so unpredictable. I don’t want to be “that guy” or anything but that’s not cool that she’s most likely lying about it being a service dog and putting everyone else at risk. My puppy is now scared of other dogs because of these incidents. I’m fine with just minding my own business about it but at the same time she’s making other real service dogs look bad as well. I understand she probably did it to keep her dog but there’s other ways, the base is understanding and would most likely move her to a house or she could live off base if she wanted to.
WIBTA if I told someone about this?
answer:
HYPOTHETICAL
question:
To give this situation some necessary context, here are some details of varying importance.
My wife is a pharmacist and I work in education. She brings home about $50,000/year and I bring home about $75,000. We're both in our early 30s and have been together for almost ten years now. We're in a comfortable situation financially.
Alright, let's begin with what my wife and I have found to be the bitter truth: she just does not like being a pharmacist. She absolutely hates it. Day after day she'll come home with a new complaint about something a patient or colleague did. One time a patient crumpled up a receipt and told her to throw it away. One time a patient pissed all over the toilet seat. One time a patient licked his fingers before counting money and handed the bills to her.
So a few months ago, we decided that maybe just dealing with customers kind of sucked. I'd been there and could relate. I asked if she would try working in a hospital (no direct contact with patients), and she agreed to try it out. She has worked there a month now, and the only thing that has changed is the nature of her complaints. She doesn't like her boss and she doesn't like her immediate supervisor. She doesn't like how busy it is there. She actually probably hates it more than her old job because at least in her old pharmacy, she could take a break every so often.
A lot of her complaints are valid. Some of them seem a bit ridiculous--things that have happened to me and didn't even blip on my radar. I think most of it stems from the fact that, again, she really just doesn't like being a pharmacist.
So at this point we have basically tried all career avenues of pharmacy, and nothing is quite doing it for her. She wants to get into something else. I've repeatedly told her that I would be supportive of her career change if she thought it would make her happier, and she frequently seeks permission from me.
Last Sunday, she suddenly came to me and said she wanted to be an esthetician at a women's spa. This wasn't exactly the most surprising thing in the world, as I know my wife loves beauty products/skincare related fields, but ... an esthetician? I mean absolutely no disrespect to estheticians as I know it's a job that requires a hell of a lot more than what I do at mine, but I can already hear her complaints about future customers.
Of course this is a huge step for my wife. She is horrible at making decisions. I don't want to squash her dreams, as she seems really enthusiastic about this, but I have a really strong feeling that she's making a classic mistake. It's like loving Disneyland so much that you decide to work there, and all of a sudden you're stacking boxes in the back of the gift shop. I feel like her reasons for going into this career are all wrong and that we're going to be back in the same spot in a year, just with a whole lot of new problems and another job thrown into the "not for me" pile. And in the time, she will be taking a fairly massive salary hit. I agreed to support us, and I know I can, but the job offer she has is not offering her all that much at all.
I'm honestly inclined to just start bringing up doubts about it, but knowing her personality, she would probably just give up on it. She actually seems excited to work there though and while I don't want to make her feel bad, but I really want to get this off my chest. I'm going against what I promised her, but I have serious doubts about this career choice for her. I'm frankly against the idea and want to tell her but feel like IWBTA.
answer:
HYPOTHETICAL
question:
So we have a big lovable Dane mix who has been in our family about six months since rescuing her, shes a complete pansy when it comes to other dogs being aggressive, including my in-laws Chihuahua. In the mind of their upcoming visit, almost as a joke I asked my husband what he would do if the Chihuahua attacked our dog again like he did the last time they were here- and if Charlie defended herself, she acidentally ended up killing the tiny attacker- He said she would be immediately put down. He went on to say that any dog that could kill a smaller dog he wouldn't trust around our kids... And I was surprised how upset this made me. This is ridiculous as Charlie adores our children and has shown multiple times that all she does is run away or lay on her belly when dogs attack her, but it made me realize that I would completely defend her if she did bite someone or injure/kill their dog. Am I being completely irrational in favor of my dog, or is my husband completely overreacting?
answer:
| HYPOTHETICAL
| 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
--------
Question: You might be saying WTF at the title but it’s honestly the easiest way to describe my current situation.
I was accepted into an Ivy League school. I don’t know how or why, because 1. my high school hasn’t sent anyone to one in at least 5 years and 2. my grades/test scores aren’t much to write home about (3.8 GPA 31 ACT if you were wondering). When I showed my acceptance letter to my parents they were so, so, so proud and happy.
My family is poor, to say the least. Neither of my parents went to college. They’ve sacrificed A LOT to ensure that I didn’t need to work during high school so I could focus on studying. They told me that I should go to the Ivy. But here is where it gets complicated. Mom got sick last month and Dad had to take on additional shifts at work to offset the loss of her paycheck. I was also accepted into a state university in my city, and I’m strongly considering going there instead because then I can work part-time and help take care of Mom.
Guys what do I do? Even though my parents said I should go to the Ivy, doing so means that Dad will have to work twice as hard for God knows how long. They’ve sacrificed enough already and I’ll have to deal with the guilt of making them sacrifice even more if I go to the Ivy. I’m just so god damn lost. So, WIBTA if I didn’t go to the Ivy because then I’d be ignoring their wishes?
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Question: I'm not sure if this qualifies as a dick move. It really caught me off guard.
Was getting brunch with the roomies and some of their friends. I get a $15 meal, they all get their own stuff with bloody maries.
The bill comes, we all hand over our cards, I get mine back to see it's almost $30, 2x as much as what I paid for. I speak up. Apparently the table decided to split the bill 5 ways. I reiterate my bill is twice what I paid. They say I should have said something when the bill came, even though I didn't hear this conversation. I push the issue a little more but no one is budging, so I let it drop, thinking maybe I'm overreacting.
Usually these guys are cool but I feel like I was just told to fuck off for no reason. For some reason I'm pretty upset about it, but I feel like maybe I shouldn't be? I don't know, it came out of nowhere. Honestly wondering if I'm overreacting or not, because I am admittedly under a lot of stress right now. I'm having money troubles so it's not like $15 is just pennies to me, but I don't like getting petty over money.
What do you guys say?
Answer: HISTORICAL
Question: My mom has been trying to quit smoking for a long time, but sometimes she asks me to go out to get her a pack of cigarettes. I try to tell her that she doesn’t need it, but I always end up going because I’d rather not start any drama. Anyways, would I be the asshole if I just told her “No” for once?
Answer: | HYPOTHETICAL
| 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution is here: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Now, solve this: This morning I woke up and saw my husband watching video game streams, his typical pastime. Later he said the streamers he was watching were having cash giveaways that required participation to be entered. He continued to watch while he covertly built the kids' bikes in the garage as I had asked, then left to run a last-minute grocery errand for dinner, then came home and went upstairs to watch more streaming.
After wrapping gifts, I did dishes and put dinner in the oven, and asked him to turn it off to spend time with me with/without kids. He said no. That the stream was only for today and it is not okay for me to expect him to stop doing what he finds enjoyable just because I want him to do something I find enjoyable. But if I was okay letting him spend $100 on app purchases for this game (same one he's watching) that he'd shut it off no problem. But last year he spent a little over $2,000 on in-app purchases for this game, and after a lengthy discussion, said he wouldn't buy anymore. So I'm not a huge fan of okaying any more money for it.
It's almost 6pm and says he doesn't know when it will end, but that there are 2 more streamers left. I feel like the evening is almost over and I am so disappointed and feel saddened that he would rather watch games than spend time with me. Am I an asshole for being upset and having unrealistic expectations?
Solution: | HISTORICAL | 6 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example input: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Example output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Q: So I know this guy who has actual diagnosed autism. We have been friends for about a year now. He doesn't have many friends but I thought he was fun to be around. We sent eachother memes and just did normal things that online friends do. So anyway I made a discord server and naturally he was invited. I gave him admin privilages because I trusted him. This particular server had an NSFW channel. Sometimes people posted NSFW art of a video game called Splatoon. Every time someone did he and I got really angry and claimed the characters were too pure for this. I was joking, but I soon found out that he was not. It escalated to the point where he started deleting those NSFW messages. I took action and removed his admin privilages and blocked him from viewing the channel. He soon responded with "But I thought you said no Splatoon NSFW?" Then before I could explain myself he left. I feel like I should have maybe given him a second chance or just not have given him admin privilages in the first place? He does have autism and I now realize he doesn't understand sarcasm very well. I just feel like a really shitty friend right now and I want some outside opinions.
A: | HISTORICAL | 3 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
You will be given a definition of a task first, then an example. Follow the example to solve a new instance of the task.
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Why? the author is talking about something he wants to do.
New input: (Posting this for a good friend whose family knows his Reddit name. I copied & pasted his text and haven't edited it in any way.) This is his post in his own words:
My mom and I aren't that close. My dad walked out when I was 3. I make more than my mom, but together we make just enough to keep our heads above the water.
I’m not doing great in school right now. I have a 2.5 GPA which isn't bad, but isn't great either. I go to work right after school but when I get home, I'm too tired to study for long. However, I'm improving my grades and saving for college.
Our rent increased so I had to find a better job. That's when my mom called her unemployed boyfriend & me & announced her pregnancy. She also told us that she’s quitting her job because it's "not good for the baby.” We were both visibly angry. I yelled at her since we can barely care for ourselves. Her boyfriend threatened to leave unless she aborted, but my mom INSISTED that he'll "learn to love his daughter" when she's born, but he'll need to work to support the baby. But her boyfriend wasn't having any of it; he just tried to convince her into doing basically ANYTHING but keeping it, but as soon as he realized he was beating a dead horse, he disappeared. My mom still can't get into contact with him.
I apologized to her for being so harsh, but reasoned with her why keeping it isn't wise. I reminded her how we can barely get by now, so we can't afford for her to quit & support a baby. I told her she doesn't HAVE to abort, but if she won't be able to work while pregnant, she should consider since we can't and won't survive on just my income. She then decided to abort. Luckily it was still early enough to get the abortion pill. It costed $800. I had $675, but I told to get $400 out of my account to help pay for it. She DRAINED my account & spent it all on baby items. I came home to a fucking mountain of diapers & baby clothes. I asked her about it, & she casually said, "oh yeah I changed my mind. I'm keeping it."
She’s taken from my account without my okay before. I’ve confronted her, but since it was usually only 5-10$, I never made a HUGE deal about it. I was a minor at the time too so for me to even HAVE a bank account, a legal adult had to be a joint account holder.
As soon as I turned 18, I withdrew all the money from the joint account & put it in an account that my mom doesn’t have access to.
When I got back home, she screamed at me saying “IT'S MY CHOICE TO HAVE A BABY SO IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A BIG BROTHER TO HELP RAISE HER!" When I told her why I no longer trust her with my money, she yelled, "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW SELFISH YOU'RE BEING RIGHT NOW!"
Now I feel like my mom will just dump being a parent on me & I just can't handle that. As of now I have enough to move out. I feel like I'll be able to focus on my education & not have to spend so much time at work if I'm just supporting myself.
So WIBTA if I just walked out?
Solution: | HYPOTHETICAL | 0 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Ex Input:
I am not a very political person, it just isn't something that interests me. I vote and pay attention enough to try and have an informed vote but I don't dedicate much of my life to it. It just doesn't really interest me. This was the same for my boyfriend of about 2 years until the last 6 months or so ago. He all of the sudden out of what seemed like the blue started to get really political and especially into feminism.
And it has gotten out of control in my opinion. When we go out he is constantly talking about how this is problematic and how that is inherently sexist and blah blah blah. And he has gone from respecting women to pretty much idolizing them.
I have tried talking to him about how I am not interested in or want to discuss which led to me "confessing" that I don't consider myself feminist and he seemed to take that as a mission to "convert" me.
He hasn't done anything wrong and his heart is in the right place but the way he has been acting has been frankly kinda creepy and almost emasculated in a sense. I know that ultimatums are generally wrong but if I have already tried to talk to him about it without change would I be an asshole to make one now?
I don't want to break up with him because things were going so good before this rabbit hole he went down started. I just don't know how else to snap him out of it.
Ex Output:
HYPOTHETICAL
Ex Input:
I made a comment on another post here basically assuming that it’s impolite to show pubes in a public area but I got downvoted quite a bit and everyone told me that in fact it is socially acceptable. Am I wrong or am I the asshole for saying people should cover their pubes/pubic region in public? I seriously want to know the answer to this so I can adjust my viewpoint accordingly.
Ex Output:
HISTORICAL
Ex Input:
(Posting this for a good friend whose family knows his Reddit name. I copied & pasted his text and haven't edited it in any way.) This is his post in his own words:
My mom and I aren't that close. My dad walked out when I was 3. I make more than my mom, but together we make just enough to keep our heads above the water.
I’m not doing great in school right now. I have a 2.5 GPA which isn't bad, but isn't great either. I go to work right after school but when I get home, I'm too tired to study for long. However, I'm improving my grades and saving for college.
Our rent increased so I had to find a better job. That's when my mom called her unemployed boyfriend & me & announced her pregnancy. She also told us that she’s quitting her job because it's "not good for the baby.” We were both visibly angry. I yelled at her since we can barely care for ourselves. Her boyfriend threatened to leave unless she aborted, but my mom INSISTED that he'll "learn to love his daughter" when she's born, but he'll need to work to support the baby. But her boyfriend wasn't having any of it; he just tried to convince her into doing basically ANYTHING but keeping it, but as soon as he realized he was beating a dead horse, he disappeared. My mom still can't get into contact with him.
I apologized to her for being so harsh, but reasoned with her why keeping it isn't wise. I reminded her how we can barely get by now, so we can't afford for her to quit & support a baby. I told her she doesn't HAVE to abort, but if she won't be able to work while pregnant, she should consider since we can't and won't survive on just my income. She then decided to abort. Luckily it was still early enough to get the abortion pill. It costed $800. I had $675, but I told to get $400 out of my account to help pay for it. She DRAINED my account & spent it all on baby items. I came home to a fucking mountain of diapers & baby clothes. I asked her about it, & she casually said, "oh yeah I changed my mind. I'm keeping it."
She’s taken from my account without my okay before. I’ve confronted her, but since it was usually only 5-10$, I never made a HUGE deal about it. I was a minor at the time too so for me to even HAVE a bank account, a legal adult had to be a joint account holder.
As soon as I turned 18, I withdrew all the money from the joint account & put it in an account that my mom doesn’t have access to.
When I got back home, she screamed at me saying “IT'S MY CHOICE TO HAVE A BABY SO IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS A BIG BROTHER TO HELP RAISE HER!" When I told her why I no longer trust her with my money, she yelled, "I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW SELFISH YOU'RE BEING RIGHT NOW!"
Now I feel like my mom will just dump being a parent on me & I just can't handle that. As of now I have enough to move out. I feel like I'll be able to focus on my education & not have to spend so much time at work if I'm just supporting myself.
So WIBTA if I just walked out?
Ex Output:
| HYPOTHETICAL
| 1 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Let me give you an example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
The answer to this example can be: HYPOTHETICAL
Here is why: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
OK. solve this:
In year 8, I was friends with a kid that was known to be a bit of an ass (let's call him Jacob), but I put up with him nonetheless.
Anyway, after awhile he started punching and kicking my female friend and called me a retard (I am in a wheelchair but not mentally disabled), after that I stopped being friends with him but he said to me shortly after that he tried to kill himself 19 times because of me.
I didn't believe him but you can believe what you will.
Am I the asshole?
Answer: | HISTORICAL | 8 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
See one example below:
Problem: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Solution: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Problem: A bit of background on myself, I have been separated from my baby mother since just after our son was born, so about 3 years. I have a court order in place, that sets my parent time with him for every weekend. Baby mother approached me at drop off last night saying she, wants me to give up every second weekend to her, because she says she doesn’t get enough time with him. Now I understand wanting to be with him more and all but, she already has him for 22/30 days of a month whereas I get 8/30.. Her reasoning is that she’s in school right now which makes finding time for him hard but I just don’t want to lose any of my time with my boy, I look forward to every weekend with him and we have tons of fun. Am I the asshole for not wanting to give up any of my time to her??
Solution: | HISTORICAL | 4 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Given the task definition, example input & output, solve the new input case.
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
the author is talking about something he wants to do.
New input case for you: Her parents rent a big enough space at a beach that they, their Moms, and my family (Wife, toddlers, and myself) each have a place to sleep if my wife and I share a bed. It's extremely generous of them to do this, they let us stay there for free and we're free to do whatever we want from there, but 90% of the time all of us stay together. It's essentially a half paid for vacation yearly.
The problem for me is two fold. The first thing is that my side of the family lives far away, and I have to use vacation time to see them. Family is extremely important to my side of the family, so this is a huge problem for me when I don't get time with them. We live close to her family, and it uses half of my vacation allocation yearly which severely limits the time I get to see my own family. Regardless, we've done this twice, once each for the last two years, and I find myself missing my family often and it's getting to where it's really effecting me.
The second issue is that last year my wife and I had a huge fight while we were there, and she tried to use her family against me while I was there. It didn't work, because thankfully they were all reasonable and told her what she was doing was wrong, but it was a HUGE embarrassment to me. She apologized profusely but this is a reoccurring issue with her that she knows I get sick missing my family, she knows how I feel isolated, and then she tries to involve them and have them gang up on me. It used to work but lately they've stopped listening to her. She has promised me it won't happen again and we've been great since then. Regardless, it has completely ruined the idea of being there for me.
When I think about going this year there is zero joy in the thought. I would honestly rather stay home alone then go. I dread the thought of having to go again. AITA for rather wanting to spend that time at to visit my own family and let her go with the kids with her family?
She's a stay at home mom so she doesn't have to use any vacation time.
Output: | HISTORICAL | 1 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Given the task definition, example input & output, solve the new input case.
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
the author is talking about something he wants to do.
New input case for you: So, just to preface this, I know I’m the asshole for cheating, I have no doubt about that, but that’s not what I’m asking about here in this post so please refrain from making your judgement based on this.
(Also, please bear with me, this is going to be long, I’m very long-winded, sorry everybody.)
For some background, I am now 27 and my ex is 30. We dated semi-casually/semi-seriously when I was 16 and he was 19 for about a year.
I describe it this way because we were teenagers, only communicated through texts (infrequently), saw each other maybe once a month (he joined the military shortly after we started talking), and did not have very much in common other than mutual attraction. However, we were “official” and did exchange ‘I love yous’ and talk jokingly but hopefully about having a future together.
He found out I was planning to cheat on him after he went through my phone and saw that I was also talking to other guys (I never was physically with anyone but I might have been had he not called me out on it and it’s still cheating regardless). When he confronted me, I lied about it, and we broke up right then and there but still continued to date on and off for about another year before we officially called it quits.
I’m not excusing my behavior but I came from a really messed up background — I was in and out of foster care and was severely abused both at home and in the system. Because of this, I was also pretty messed up. I lied about little and big things, stole food and clothing, cheated on people and in school, manipulated others for my own gain, abused drugs and alcohol, was very promiscuous, and all around did not give a fuck about anyone other than myself and my 3 sisters. I was desperate to be loved but not trusting enough to ever give anyone the opportunity, so in order to protect myself and keep my options open because since that’s all I ever learned how to do, I was rarely faithful in my relationships. I was also a bitch about a lot of things but was still pretty submissive and doting in other ways, so I’m sure it was a confusing whirlwind for anyone I was involved with. All in all, I wasn’t the best person, let alone friend or girlfriend.
I feel incredibly guilty about who I was back then and what I did to others. I have worked very hard in my adult life to never be that person again through lots of intensive therapy, medication, getting an education, and choosing to be better and do good each day. I can never take back the hurt I caused others but I have centered my life around making up for my transgressions through other means. I own and operate a non-profit that houses and fully sponsors homeless teens and young adults who have aged out of the system to receive counseling and work towards their future goals, whether that be college or entering the work force. This information is probably meaningless for the purpose of this but I feel as if it’s important to know that my behavior was circumstantial and it is not who I am.
My ex and I still talk, we grew up together so he knows my situation, and I have apologized profusely to him over the years. He calls me up crying about once or twice every single year to tell me how I’ve ruined his ability to trust and love others and how hurt he still is. Sometimes he hits me up and is very flirtatious and tries to spark things up again (I always turn these advances down). Other times, if I’m dating someone and he knows who they are, he will antagonize them, insult them, and has, on occasion, gotten physical with them. I never severed ties with him because I always felt like he was justified in his treatment towards me and his resulting behavior because of how I wronged him, because I thought he was amazing and I felt like I was beneath him, and I felt so guilty for messing up such a good thing with a good guy that part of me hoped we’d get back together.
Recently, about a few weeks ago, we were catching up and he started bragging to me about all these things he’s doing (he is very accomplished, has his PhD and has won a lot of awards, and is such an upstanding, good person, he adopted his cousin’s twin boys because the cousin is strung out on heroin, so he kind of deserves to brag and be complimented for all he’s done) but I thought it was strange because we hadn’t spoken in length for years. Then he started bragging about how he hadn’t dated anyone since we had been together, something he does often, even though this is a lie as I know at least three people he has seen and two he has been “official” with. He again blamed me for his unwillingness and inability to get involved with others and started saying straight up bullshit about the times we were together (saying we dated at a different time than we did by several years, saying we were never official and only talked for one month, etc). Then he started coming on to me, demanded I start sending him nudes regularly, and that we be fuck buddies.
At this point, I just lost it. I started yelling about how he can’t change the facts of things just because he doesn’t like how they turned out, how rude it is of him to always try to use me for sex (something he has admitted to in the past), that it’s not fair he pops back into my life to punish me every few months and that I was done with it, that I had always felt sorry about how I treated him before now but that I wasn’t sorry anymore because he’s acting creepy and pathetic, that it had been over 10 years since all this happened and he should have been over it by now and that not dating anyone in your twenties doesn’t make you some saint like he’s always painting himself out to be, I told him he needs to stop blaming me for his intimacy issues and stop using me to make himself feel good, that he is being ridiculous and that even though he thinks I’m the horrible person it’s really him, and that he needed professional help. I did say I wish I had never hurt him or anyone else but that I was a teenager, raising myself and living in constant fear, and that no one should be judged based off of who they were as teenagers and that he of all people should know that (he also did some very messed up things as a teenager which I won’t elaborate on as it’s not pertinent to this).
He got really pissed off and started cussing me out and saying that I was a good for nothing whore and that I would never be anything more, that everyone knew what a slut I was and that that no one actually liked me, that I can’t call him out on acting like a shitty person because I am the actual truly shitty person, that I don’t deserve to be happy or loved, that I was an idiot, that he wasn’t immature but that I was for raising my voice and always using slang words (I work with teenagers, it rubs off, what can I say), that I would never be as accomplished him and would never amount to anything, and that he was the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to me.
I rolled my eyes and laughed at him and get kind of snarky and told him I don’t owe him anything, that it was gracious of me to apologize as much as I had but that I didn’t have to but did because I wanted him to know it was me and not him, and that even if I did owe him something it most certainly wouldn’t be my body and that he’s raising his cousin’s boys badly if he believes that.
He said that since I just put out for everyone and since he’s already seen it all then I shouldn’t be such a bitch about us hooking up or sending him nudes and that it’s offensive to him that I’m shutting him down.
I hold him that the only reason he was mad was because I was supposedly a whore but that I wouldn’t be a whore for him.
He stormed off after this and then blocked me on all social media a few minutes later. We haven’t talked or seen each other since.
I don’t really feel bad about cheating on him anymore or about how he’s dealt with that (I still know it was wrong). My opinion of him has completely flipped from placing him on a pedestal to thinking lower of him and believing he’s just an egotistical jerk who’s got everyone else fooled (we’re from a small town and he’s very popular here, everyone loves him and thinks he is literally the world’s greatest person, and everyone he meets outside of our town think the same thing).
A couple days after we fought, I started to feel like I am actually in the wrong for being mad at him, fussing at him, and for having stopped feeling bad, and for starting to feel kind of repulsed by him. I know that everything impacts each person differently and I don’t want to invalidate his feelings or belittle them and I know that everyone moves on or doesn’t at their own pace and own prerogative and it’s not my position to say how or when someone does or doesn’t do this. I know that even though I might have seen our relationship as silly and was not really invested in it or him, he may have been very committed and in love and I could have crushed him, so just because I feel one way doesn’t mean he will feel the same way, and I can’t project that into him.
But truth be told, and to be quite blunt about it, I truly just feel like he’s being a little bitch about it and that he has now wronged me so we’re even somehow.
I don’t really know how to feel about how I’m feeling and keep switching between feeling like I crossed the line and will never be in the right when it comes to him because of our history OR feeling relieved, vindicated, and very appalled at and vexed by him.
I’m just here looking for some unbiased clarification as of course my friends support my side of it just as I’m sure his friends support his.
So reddit, AITA?
Output: | HISTORICAL | 1 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
One example is below.
Q: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
A: HYPOTHETICAL
Rationale: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Q: I know I shouldn't intrude into people's lives, but I feel I should say something in this case because I feel it's not fair for the kid.
Long story short my friend is divorced and is sharing the custody of his kid (2 year old) 50/50 with his ex. The thing I find wierd is the fact that the custody is not every other week its every other DAY.
The kid is being moved around and sleeping at a different place every night because they dont want to miss out on time spent with him.
I said that I taught it would stress the kid out,but they said since he's young he'll get used to it and won't know any better growing up, so I let it go.
I'm not a parent and I don't normaly have to deal with kids so I don't know if this is normal but it sounds very chaotic for a young child.
AITA for thinking I sould tell him to rethink the kids schedule?
A: | HYPOTHETICAL | 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
instruction:
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
question:
some background: So the people in this story are as follows: K - A long time friend. S - K's Girlfriend
I'm on mobile so sorry for format
A few days ago I was getting ready for a dnd session as planned, when I got messages from half the people that they wouldn't be able to make it. That's no big deal. I have a one shot prepared, and all I need is another player.
I had messaged K assuming she would want to play, and when she failed to respond for 15 minutes I hoped in the voice chat she, and S were talking in and asked her. S blew her top and muted me and started screaming that I was worthless and a piece of shit, not giving me a chance to defend myself. S knows fully well that this triggers my PTSD and I go non-verbal. Nobody can get a peep out of me once my flashbacks start.
fast forward a few minutes after she stops yelling, and I manage to quell my flashbacks enough to pass off ownership of the server, and I leave. I promptly blocked the two of them, both K, and S, after K tried to guilt trip me that S was only joking around and that I need to grow up.
I then created a new server for everyone from my dnd game without K or S.
So reddit, am I the asshole? Or are these two fuck nuts the assholes.
answer:
HISTORICAL
question:
When my son started University it wasn't very far away from our house so me and my wife agreed to let our son to stay at our house while he's still in uni.
Before I start dotting down my story, let me tell you something... money is definitely not an obstacle in our household, we have way more than enough, but the disproportion of each family member's money is huge.
For example: last week my son went to a place to eat, spent roughly $7 and paid via his debit card. When he came back home, my wife had a go at him for spending $7 on a meal...
I came back from work and she told me what happened... I said "I will talk to him about it." but when I went to his room I just told him "Don't worry about it."
When I came back to the kitchen she told me "Do you like my new perfume?" I told her it was nice and all.. and when I asked her how much she paid for it, she said $160.. that was when I was displeased. I closed the kitchen door and said "You just started boiling at [my son's name] for spending $7 on a meal whereas you spent $160 on your perfume, where's the fairness in that?" she got upset and went to the bathroom.
Two weeks ago I started giving my son money without my wife's knowledge. My son isn't the type of person to spend it on drugs or some other toxins, in-fact he uses the money as a mature adult and entertains himself with food or other things every now and then.
answer:
HISTORICAL
question:
Her parents rent a big enough space at a beach that they, their Moms, and my family (Wife, toddlers, and myself) each have a place to sleep if my wife and I share a bed. It's extremely generous of them to do this, they let us stay there for free and we're free to do whatever we want from there, but 90% of the time all of us stay together. It's essentially a half paid for vacation yearly.
The problem for me is two fold. The first thing is that my side of the family lives far away, and I have to use vacation time to see them. Family is extremely important to my side of the family, so this is a huge problem for me when I don't get time with them. We live close to her family, and it uses half of my vacation allocation yearly which severely limits the time I get to see my own family. Regardless, we've done this twice, once each for the last two years, and I find myself missing my family often and it's getting to where it's really effecting me.
The second issue is that last year my wife and I had a huge fight while we were there, and she tried to use her family against me while I was there. It didn't work, because thankfully they were all reasonable and told her what she was doing was wrong, but it was a HUGE embarrassment to me. She apologized profusely but this is a reoccurring issue with her that she knows I get sick missing my family, she knows how I feel isolated, and then she tries to involve them and have them gang up on me. It used to work but lately they've stopped listening to her. She has promised me it won't happen again and we've been great since then. Regardless, it has completely ruined the idea of being there for me.
When I think about going this year there is zero joy in the thought. I would honestly rather stay home alone then go. I dread the thought of having to go again. AITA for rather wanting to spend that time at to visit my own family and let her go with the kids with her family?
She's a stay at home mom so she doesn't have to use any vacation time.
answer:
| HISTORICAL
| 9 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
Part 1. Definition
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Part 2. Example
So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Answer: HYPOTHETICAL
Explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Part 3. Exercise
Basically, we went out for an event and then we decided to go to get dessert afterwards. I asked them if we could get back at a certain time as I had an event that would be starting at a certain time. They assured me that I would be back in time. However, by the time I did make it back, I was already 20 minutes late. It ended up being fine with the other people at the event, but still ...
Would I be the asshole for making it known I'm upset?
Answer: | HYPOTHETICAL | 7 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Input: Consider Input: This is complicated. We live in his mother’s old house. She gave it to us when she moved for work. I was blown away by the gift, but i didn’t know what I was getting into.
She visits almost every weekend. I’m not exaggerating. She just shows up and stays until Sunday. I have two kids and she’s an awesome grandmother to them so I understand her wanting to be around them. But holy fuck is she getting on my nerves. She always has some unasked for advice or some complaint about the way we are keeping the house. It’s driving me crazy.
I want to ask the husband to stop letting her come so often. Maybe once a month, but no more every weekend. She gave us a house though and I know it’ll be a tough sell. He’s a mama’s boy and likes having her here.
Output: HYPOTHETICAL
Input: Consider Input: Excuse me for my grammer/spelling mistakes(english is not my first language.)
Backround so me and my brother called brian are step brothers and he is the younger one(this is important for later on.) It started when he was around 9 i was about 11 at that point. He was starting to be mean to evreyone around him including our parents. I was very awkward and shy at that moment i had no self esteem so i was an easy target. I would be mean he would hit me and i wouldn't say anything(they didn't hurt.) But when i was 13 he became more aggressive he would hit me with objects. I actually hit him with my hand (not very hard) but he made into a whole scene and told my parents so i thought it was a fitting time to tell my parents. They were mad at me because he was younger this got me very angry because he was free to do whatever he wants. I am now 16 and he is 14 i only speak to him when it is neccary. But i feel horrible because this has caused a massive gap in our family. So tell me am i the asshole?
P.s this is my first post so if i sound like a dumb 9 year old with my sentence structure it's because my sentences are exactly that
Output: HISTORICAL
Input: Consider Input: I know I shouldn't intrude into people's lives, but I feel I should say something in this case because I feel it's not fair for the kid.
Long story short my friend is divorced and is sharing the custody of his kid (2 year old) 50/50 with his ex. The thing I find wierd is the fact that the custody is not every other week its every other DAY.
The kid is being moved around and sleeping at a different place every night because they dont want to miss out on time spent with him.
I said that I taught it would stress the kid out,but they said since he's young he'll get used to it and won't know any better growing up, so I let it go.
I'm not a parent and I don't normaly have to deal with kids so I don't know if this is normal but it sounds very chaotic for a young child.
AITA for thinking I sould tell him to rethink the kids schedule?
| Output: HYPOTHETICAL
| 2 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
In this task you are given an anecdote. You must find out whether the anecdote is something the author has done or is considering doing. Label the instances as "HISTORICAL" when the author has already done something and label them as "HYPOTHETICAL" when the author is considering doing something in the future.
Example input: So I have a good friend that I enjoy hanging out with, but they aren’t good at turning people down so whenever I invited her somewhere and she doesn’t want to go she says yes and then either constantly reschedules, claims she will get back to me with a time that works for her, or cancels at the last minute with some lame excuse. So would I be an asshole if I confronted her and told her to cut the crap and just be straight with me so that I don’t waste the time and energy trying to make things work if she doesn’t want to go? Also do I have any right to be upset since even though my gut tells me she is just being flaky, she is also a very busy person so there is a chance that I’m just overly sensitive.
Example output: HYPOTHETICAL
Example explanation: the author is talking about something he wants to do.
Q: So ill try to keep it short however i might write more if you think you will need more information...
So one of my best friends sometimes has these phases where she completely shuts me off and gets easily annoyed by me.
It happens once in a while and tbh by now I am fed up. I have just gone through depression however i just managed to rebuild my confidence and right now I feel it crumbling again. Breaking her off just seems so selfish to me but I feel like it is necessary...
A: | HYPOTHETICAL | 3 | NIv2 | task282_scruples_event_time | fs_opt |
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