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Part 1. Definition
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Part 2. Example
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Answer: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Part 3. Exercise
Okay, long story folks. They'll be a tl:dr at the end. Sorry for formatting, on mobile.
So here's some backstory, I (16m) come from a lower-middle class family in a suburban neighbourhood, but I am not exactly privileged when it comes to my family situation. I was a mistake child, as well as my brother (18m), and we were born into a family with a submissive pushover mother(50f) (she most likely has Stockholm Syndrome) and an physically and mentally abusive father(55m).
I won't go into all the details about what me, my brother, and my mother have gone through, but here is the jist: Choking, beating, spanking (with fists), kicking, slamming against walls, getting punished to get at my mom, slamming glass, purposely keeping us up at night with loud music, burning our favourite toys, chasing me around with a needle... You get it, I don't have a very good father.
Furthermore, my mother earns more than my dad as a manager, yet does all the work around the house (laundry, cooking, cleaning, filling up gas in the cars, literally every chore). Yet, my dad works in labour, does jackshit around the house, and claims that he is the only one holding the family together.
So flashback almost exactly a year from now. I woke up at around 6am on the living room couch to my father yelling at my mother, and this was normal. So I got up, and I stood at the kitchen door kinda just watching them argue and yell at each other. Well, my mom starts walking down the hallway to their bedroom to pack her stuff and leave for her parents house. This is when my dad came up behind her and started trying to strangle her on their bed. She was on her back, and he was on top with his hands around her neck.
At that moment, after years of submission and built up anger against my "father" I broke, and went into a fullsprint jumping on to his back and began pounding his head in with my fist. I got a good 20 full force hits, and if it wasn't for my mom ripping me off of him I would've gouged his eyes out. After that, he realised "oh shit I really fucked up" and began saying how much he loves all of us and how he couldn't believe I'd do that to him, y'know, the standard narcissistic thing. Me, my mother, and my father were pretty much arguing about how awful of a person he is. I reminded him of all the awful things he has done and he would deny literally every. Single. Instance.
After a few days of tension, nothing really happened, but I decided to go into no-contract with him and no longer address him as my father, but by his name. He knew how I felt about him, I called him all the names he called us when we were kids right to his face (garbage waste of space, cunt, etc.) And going back to the beating, I rushed him so hard that when I kneed him in his back I broke a rib, and he was too embarrassed to go to the hospital. I hurt him so badly I caused him to lose his job and basically become disabled as he spends literally every waking hour in his bed playing World Of Warcraft in his bedroom. So that went quite well for a few months, until he, and my mother, began demanded that I give him respect.
They have (and still do) have this rule where I have to say goodnight and goodmorning everytime I wake up/go to bed. I didn't want to, or needed to talk to my father for obvious reasons. This pissed him off, because requoting him through my mother it "made him feel like he was a piece of shit in the corner" Which is funny, because that's exactly what he is. They threatened to punish me, and tried to force me to apologize to him. Fuck. That.
So after a few months of tension, my father gets pissed off at me for a irrelevant reason and we get into an argument. He bagan threatening me with violence, calling me a libtard, and said he was proud of choking my mother to the point of blacking out. I actually threatened him back, and he backed off. He realised he can't take on his 6'4 slightly muscular teenage son when he is at grandpa age and has troubles getting up to use the washroom. After he ranted for a bit more about the gays, libtards, and women that was the end of that ordeal. And since then I've continued to do the same, no contact. My only form of communication has been through him bitching about me to my mother.
Fast forward to today, and he is getting moody again. He wants me to say goodmorning/goodnight everyday. And I refuse. Here is the thing, my mother and my brother on his side. They say that he has "changed" in this past year, even after the decades of abuse. They say that I need to learn to forgive, and not be "stuck up" to my dad. I on the other hand want to go down with dignity when I get kicked out the day I turn 18, I want to make him feel like what he is. A piece of shit in the corner.
Tl:Dr - abused physically and mentally by father, father strangles mother, and I beat the shit out of my dad causing him to lose his job. I go into no contact with him, refuse to call him my father, and refuse to give him any respect. My family is against me saying I'm taking it too far.
I'll provide more information if you really think you need it to decide if I'm in the right or wrong here. So,
Am I the asshole?
Answer: | answerable | 7 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Ex Input:
I'm \[21F\] just beginning a career in film which I've wanted for a very long time. I aspire to be a film director.
A neighbor of ours, retired old film producer, is not quite friends with but certainly friendly acquaintances with Roman Polanski. He said he might be able to organize a meeting for me.
If you had asked me a year ago, I would have thought this horrible and morally corrupt. I mean, google Roman Polanski if you're unfamiliar with his charges. I've experienced a strange number of cases, growing up, of older men I trusted abusing their power with me (to various degrees of severity).
So much so, though, that in the past few months I've decided that I'd want to make a film about this.
And it's making me think, if a horrible person can help me get to a place where I'm "powerful" enough to tell an important story and affect the world in a positive way, is it not worth it?
I don't want to rationalize my way into a corrupt decision, but my thoughts are:
1. People meet with awful criminals all the time, without this meaning that they agree with their views or behaviour. Meeting someone does not mean you respect them, and things can be learned even from the worst war criminals.
2. I've thought about this analogy: a liberal young woman who dreams of becoming a politician so that she has the greatest chance of reaching a large number of people and affecting change on a large scale, somehow gets the opportunity to reach someone who might help her get there. Except, to do this, she must meet with Donald Trump and possibly get him to like her. Would we back this decision? I feel that I would.
Help me make the right choice!
Ex Output:
answerable
Ex Input:
We both want to ask the same girl, I've wanted to for a few months, but neither of us knew the other wanted to until yesterday. When we talked about it, we both kind of just brushed it off like "rip, I should've told you" and "what? I thought you liked someone else" then I had to leave. Thing is, he's my friend, but he's not a super close friend. I had already told all my close friends I wanted to ask this girl over a month ago.
So I don't know where we stand. But in the event that neither of us backed down, WIBTA to just ask the girl as early as possible? I'm really not trying to hurt my friend's feelings but I've wanted to ask this girl for months
Ex Output:
answerable
Ex Input:
This girl and I dated for around a month, and we became quite close very quickly. We broke up amicably (we both are dealing with mental health issues and just couldn’t do it) and while it hurt, I wasn’t upset at her or anything.
That was around 2 weeks ago. We agreed that it would be busy to be friends but we haven’t spoken since we broke up. Earlier today she sent me a text saying that she didn’t appreciate me inviting her friends to smoke and drink with me, and that it hurts inviting her two close friends to do that.
Last week, I invited one of our mutual friends, and then another (knowing they didn’t smoke or drink) and of course was not going to force anyone to do anything. That is something I am very cognizant of, as the last thing I would want is to have someone feel pressured into doing something.
I called her explaining that
1. I wasn’t responsible for their actions but I respect how she is feeling and won’t in the future,
and
2. It’s feels kinda shitty that we don’t talk at all and she just sends this to me out of the blue
I asked her if she was mad at me and she said “No, I just don’t have anything to say to you right now”
I hung up, but I feel really angry because I believe that when you value your relationship with someone, you fuckin solve shit that comes up. So when she sends this to me out of the blue, I call her and let her know that this feels kind of unfair and she responds by shutting down the conversation saying “I don’t have anything else to say right now”, she is not only holding me accountable for actions that aren’t my own, but won’t even talk to me about it.
Am I justified feeling angry at this?
Ex Output:
| not answerable
| 1 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
You will be given a definition of a task first, then an example. Follow the example to solve a new instance of the task.
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Why? Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
New input: For starts I don’t want this person to be dead and I am sad this person (x) is dead at a young age.
X and I had a bad relationship. I trained x in work and x was lazy and at times abuisve about being lazy. X wasn’t from here and used that to their advantage plenty of times. I say that because x put down their abusive behaviour as being a hot type personality that only Xs people are. X also disappeared over certain holiday periods for weeks at a time to be home with their family but always have some excuse. Other people (me) had to cover their shifts. X got a warning and that was all.
X was very very good at cosying up to higher ups in work and anyone who didn’t get along with them x claimed were racists.
The sad part. X died of a brain tumour last week. My social media has been inundated with comments what an amazing person they were even from folk who frequently bitched about them.
I am hearing loads about it at work and I can’t help but in a complete rage about it.
They died young it was sad I would never want that for anyone but they were still to me a complete asshole. And yet I can’t help but hate myself for being angry at someone who had the utter misfortune of dying so young.
Am I the asshole here?
P.s I have said nothing to anyone about how I feel I just act sad ( I am just not to their degree) and then let them talk about it till eventually conversations change.
Also x only found out about the tumour 2 months ago and died due to a haemorrhage caused by it.
Solution: | answerable | 0 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example Input: CONTEXT: Ever since I (M,15) was a little kid I’ve been bullied extensively and I never had any real friends. I grew up with extreme trust issues and to this day I’m constantly scared that I’m the odd one out in every friendship group I’m in.
I’m now a Sophomore in high school and I attend a youth group every Tuesday with some friends. These friends are a group of Grade 12s (Seniors) along with Sophmore and one Junior. They’ve all been a group for a little bit and I recently joined in the summer.
These friends are all really awesome and I’m especially good friends with the Junior (let’s call her E), who is the girlfriend of one of the Seniors (let’s call him C). I’ve known C since I was young, but since he’s older I didn’t talk to him much before now. We’re now good friends.
Anyway, last Tuesday I had a breakdown at youth group. Me and this group were watching Hereditary and someone asked if the dog died, and asked someone to google it, so I did. They all got “mad at me” for spoiling the movie, and I got upset because they asked me to find out (I found out later they were joking). I have a social disorder and I can’t tell when someone’s being serious or not, as well as anxiety and depression, so I took it seriously. This isn’t the first time this group has made jokes making fun of me; C pretends to bully me and I’m fine with it, but I’ve started to read too much into it.
Long story short, I left youth group in tears and didn’t respond to E and C’s texts asking where I went. I later returned after finally talking to E, where she told me I was only noticing the times everyone was saying things about me. I trust and love E and I don’t at all think this was gaslighting or anything, and I think I was reading too much into it. When I got back, everyone acted differently and a lot more gentle with me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve broken down in front of these people. I love them and I’m afraid that I’m being a toxic friend and that they feel they have to walk on eggshells around me. AITA?
Example Output: answerable
Example Input: Using a throwaway so my friend doesn't see this.
I (16M) have a good female friend who we'll call Danielle(16F), who I've been friends with for almost 10 years now. Danielle and I did a lot together growing up, and up until like 6 months ago we were inseparable. However 6 months ago she hooked up with a boy we'll call David (17M), and the time we spend together has decreased considerably. I’m fine with this, and I couldn't be happier for her finding someone who really cares about her in a way I can't.
However, what I'm slightly irritated by is him tagging along to almost everything Danielle and I do. It seems like anything I try to do with her he's always there, and I can't have any alone time with my best friend anymore. I ask her to meet up in a study room at the library to work on Math and English while we chat, and she responds with “David and I will be there in a minute,” or I invite her to the movies to see the new release of things we wanted to watch before David was even in the picture, and when she arrives in the theater David is holding the popcorn for them to share. I told Danielle about this and asked as calmly as possible “Do you think David has to be at everything we do?” To which she responded by telling me she thinks I'm just jealous.
Here’s where the story really comes to a head. Danielle's birthday is on Sunday, and I was proud of the gift I planned for her (a new pair of earrings to replace one's she lost at my house some time ago), and we've had plans for her 17th birthday since about a month after her 16th. Well David tells me this morning point blank that he's doing something special with Danielle on Sunday and that I'm not welcome to be in attendance. I ask if I can drop off my gift to her and leave then. He says just give him the gift and he'll give it to her Sunday from me. Me being the unsuspecting sucker that I am agreed.
After school today however, I see who else but David and Danielle in line for the bus. David says something along the lines of he has an early gift for her to hold her over till Sunday, and lo and behold, it's the earring box I handed off to him. I had to sit there in complete disbelief at the fact that he just did that. (On the bright side though, she loved the gift) About an hour ago I texted her telling her about this, and she has refused to believe a word of it. She thinks I'm a liar when I tell her the earrings were from me, and she thinks I'm just being jealous still, but no she also called me an asshole for accusing David of stealing.
I'm so fed up with David and everything surrounding him, but I feel like I may lose my best friend over it at this point. I want to know if anything I'm doing is too far so I can stop things before I lose my bestie.
Well reddit, work your magic, AITA?
Example Output: answerable
Example Input: 3 parties here. Myself, the boyfriend, and the girlfriend. We'll call the boyfriend Y, and the girlfriend K. The friend in question is K.
I met Y and K in first year of university, when they were both single, and had what I think was a pretty good friendship with both of them individually for about a year before they started dating.
They saw each other for about four years, seeing each other through graduation and eventually getting an apartment together. This is through our undergrad years (still quite a developmental time). They were easily two of my closest friends as individuals.
Breakup context: K started a new program at school, with which came a new set of friends. Y's work had him out of town for weeks at a time, so K is often at their shared apartment on her own. Relationship appears to get a little rocky. The distance and time apart seems to be doing nobody any favours.
One of the new friends K meets is a guy that she gets close with, call him M. I hear from K that M has a poor opinion of K's boyfriend Y (my friend), and their relationship. M's comments appear to be regular. I hear all this from K, and tell her at the time that those sound like red flags of someone who's trying to split a couple up so he can slot in. M has admitted to doing exactly that before. Y is obviously in arms about the whole thing.
About 4 months into this arrangement (shared apartment, new job and new program) things come to a head and K calls it quits. It's messy because they're in the middle of the lease, and it's taxing on everyone. K and Y can both be stubborn and argumentative, and that's the side that comes out.
I had a suspicion that M was the driving force behind K breaking up. This is just from how K has described M to be. Without any evidence I gave K the benefit of the doubt and tried to be as supportive as I could to both K and Y.
I see Y often and we talk as often as we normally do. Communication with K drops off a cliff. Months later, I heard that K and M hooked up very soon after the breakup (approx 1 week).
I think I enough for me to say K ignored the red flags we showed her months ago, and purposely played right into M's hands, hurting my friend Y in the process. So I decide I'm not interested in hanging out with K anymore (not a big deal, since she's cut me off anyway).
A couple of years later, they're broken up and I hear through the grapevine she's apologetic and wants to reach out again. Our other mutual friends are all closer with Y than K, or vice versa and that dictates their opinion. I'm trying to stick to my guns.
I'm in her town this weekend with some mutual friends for an unrelated reason, and this is affecting our plans (some want to catch up with her, some don't care... And me).
Reddit, AITA for not wanting to get together? Am I being self-righteous? Should I care this much?
Example Output: | answerable
| 3 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
First time posting here, and on Reddit in general, so apologies in advance in advance for any errors in formatting/posting.
So, a bit of background on my friend (18M) and I (18M) have known each other for a few years. We used to be quite good friends but I developed a one-sided crush on them, needless to say things became awkward between us and eventually I decided it would be best for us to stop talking, we didn't talk for around 1 year and I figured that was it for us.
Recently he got back in touch with me and we started talking again. Things were awkward at first but I was determined to try and work past it. One night I decided to ask him where he thought our friendship would go in the future and he told me it was better if we didn't bring up the conversation again, that decision upset me though I didn't voice it and instead simply agreed to not mention it again.
After that I decided I wanted to see him in person again and we arranged to meet up at his house, the day went smoothly and we played games and then went out for a walk while talking to one another. When it got late I was getting ready to go home and we hugged, though after that he told me I was bad at picking up on social cues, when I asked him what he meant later he told me he didn't remember. This again upset me but I decided not to voice it yet again.
The next day I questioned him on something. I had previously asked him if he wanted to stay round mine and he agreed to it, the day after we were round his he told me he didn't want to stay round anymore as things were still awkward. I told him I wanted there to be full honesty between us, I was again upset by his actions, this time it was because he had lied to me. That evening he told me that we don't see each other the same in this friendship and that we should stop talking, I've tried to contact him since but I've just been ignored and this whole ordeal has made me miserable.
I keep wondering if I had simply moved too fast, that I should have given him more space and that it was me who was making things awkward. So, AITA for moving too quickly and potentially driving him away?
answerable
I'll try and keep thing brief cause my other post was too long
​
I hate going out. Every single time I've been assulted - kissed against my will, grabbed, creeped on, touched etc, so I just don't go out.
​
However, it's my universities O week so I decided that I would go out with some of my new friends to a couple bars and have fun. I was sober D so while I didn't drink I did have a pretty good time.
​
Until, after deciding to get some food from a nearby McDonalds with a friend, we decided to leave. We went back to the bar to find them and I waited outside while he went in cause I've hurt my leg and didn't feel like trying to navigate a packed bar of drunks. I also didn't expect to be waiting that long.
​
However, my friends decided that he wanted to dance a bit more and told me he would be staying for a while. Okay, I'm not happy with this as I am already scared being outside alone even though I was near the security guards in a lit area, but, I decide sure whatever, he's having fun, I can wait a bit longer.
​
Not even 2 minutes after that decision a lot of loud aggressive people show up and are denied entrance to the bar which freaks me out as the loiter a bit nearby me. They move off, but now I'm really on edge and just want to go. Then again, a minute later, a very drunk man who was denied entrance several times started to talk to me, and started leaning on me heavily, trying to make me look at him etc. I move off and stand just inside the bar by the guards scared out of my mind, unable to actually reach him cause of the amount of people around me.
​
Friend shows up and as we walk to my car I have a go at him saying that I didn't like being left outside and that he shouldn't have changed the plans like that when we didn't have very good contact with each other, and that I had been terrified.
He apologised, and I appreciate that, however, due to me being fully drained and very close to a meltdown I didn't really talk on the way home which I don't think he liked.
He started saying I shouldn't have gotten so angry, and at least he waas honest etc.
​
Now it's about 45 minutes later and I've been home for a while and I feel like shit. I'm thinking I shouldn't have been so angry, and that he's right and I am overreacting, and that this is a situation I put myself in.
​
So Reddit, I think I ATA, what do you think?
answerable
Stocking a shelf at work. The shelf has slots for each item and a retracting panel behind the items to automatically push them forward. They require minimal effort to push back and put an item in, but some customers refuse to do the absolute bare minimum and if the item doesn't magically push in with so little force you couldn't even knock over an empty tin can, they give up entirely.
A woman takes an item, taps it against the shelf with no effort, and puts it down on the shelf below, where it does not belong. I take it and put it back on the shelf.
I step away to stock something else, and I come back. She has another variety of the same item, taps it against the shelf with no effort again, and sets it down on the shelf.
Normally this shit really aggravates me because it's unacceptable laziness on the shopper's part and I consider it incredibly rude to just throw things wherever you like. Especially if I'm standing right there, trying to make the shelf look nice. Just ask if you need help, or put in the effort to put it back.
But I'm trying lately to be more verbal with customers, I don't usually try to talk to them. A coworker "messes with" customers and they usually really go for it. These people seemed nice, so when I put the second one back, I said "oh, you missed twice! :P", ribbing the woman for not putting the item on the shelf, twice, and me catching her and correcting her, twice. I say this as I'm taking things to the back.
She responds "Yep! \*\*Twice!\*\*" in a very fierce way, and I was not looking at her but I imagine she said it with an angry stepford smile and wide eyes. Her husband immediately states behind me "If you don't like your job, work a different one, asshole!" which I go wide-eyed at but completely ignore and go hide in the back.
I think I mistook what was really "I have no respect for other people and don't clean up after myself" for "oh gosh I can't get it back on the shelf, silly me" (even though she clearly wasn't trying), and that's why they got so upset. They were being defensive.
It's kind of eating at me, though. :( Is it really me who is the asshole to call someone out- even jokingly- on making the store a messier place? I mean, who does that? Just leaves things wherever they want? Do good people do that? I think it's a fair assumption that people who do that so flippantly- as to do it \*twice\*, in front of an employee, after already being caught doing it- are not good people, but I figured ribbing them for it might make them laugh and reconsider their behavior. Guess not...
| answerable
| 0 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[EX Q]: Throaway because of reasons and change some details because of reasons.
So, we are all volunteers in a pretty known association, me, friend A, friend B, and Person, all doing different jobs.
Recently we have been accused of something related to Person work.
We have all defended them, because they told us they didn't do it, but abruptly we discovered that they did not do the things we are accused of but another one, more serious.
They didn't admit it, instead they have been offended and they have been passive aggressive towards all of us, let alone excused themselves.
Talking with friends A and B, me and Awere very very angry about all the story and commented it but we didn't say anything more than Person is arrogant and they have lied.
Now, friend B is mad at me because they say that I am violent, I don't understand what a dreadful day Person is going through, and I don't want to look at the overall picture, and they don't think Person has lied, but only forgot to tell us how things gone. He told me that I'm cruel and unforgiven, while all we know that what person did is a very common practice in his job.
AITA?
[EX A]: not answerable
[EX Q]: I’ve been in a relationship with someone I love. He wasn’t planning to marry me so I broke up with him, after a week he begged me to marry him but after he rejected my request I started to realize that marrying him was not the right decision - I still love him but we will face many difficulties-. He cried a lot - he never cried before -. He said that he was going to die frim pain. He asked me to say the truth if I want to marry him or not. And I said I want be we must consider the difficulties. Actually I’m not really sure. I do love him but I’ll lose some many people including my parents. I’m not sure if it’s worth or not. Please let me know about what should I do? - I never loved anyone else but him, but I’m not sure if I love him enough to lose my family and hurt my mother’s feelings? Am I a horrible person who changed my mind ?
[EX A]: not answerable
[EX Q]: I have a friend who is a 16 year old girl who goes to church with me. One day she excitingly texted me about how she bought a "really cute sundress" with sunflowers on it.
Flash forward to this past Sunday, when she wore that dress. It was a very flattering dress on her, but it wasn't overly sexual. It covered up everything that needed to be covered up and it went down to her knees. She told me that her dad made some really rude remarks about how short the dress was before they went to church. Saying that it showed too much up top and down low.
After church she texted me extremely upset because apparently someone complained to her parents that her dress was too short. Her father went as far to say that some of the comments he heard made him feel “embarrassed." She said that basically the entire way home, they scolded her for how short her dress was.
I told her it was bullshit. That she could wear whatever she wanted to. That she shouldn’t be shamed for what she wore and that her parents were wrong for getting embarrassed about those "comments" and that whoever complained to them was a "f\*cking idiot" so on and so forth. I even went as far as calling her parents inappropriate names. I used a lot of words I really should not have said, but these comments really upset me. I have a sister and know that if someone ever commented negatively on her outfit, it would really trouble her.
Last night, I got a text from said friend reading "well this is discouraging” and then a long text basically saying "She is 16 and can not wear whatever she feels like if it is revealing. Modesty and purity are extremely important to us and and I am extremely disappointed in this whole conversation." Her mother took her phone, read our messages, and texted me on her phone.
I was taken back, and didn't want to cause anymore drama so I just told her that I was sorry and was trying to stand up for her.
She responded with another long text saying how she wants to protect her from "pervs and anyone else that would want to take advantage of someone so pretty and awesome" and then said that her and I would speak more later.
I've been struggling with this all day because I've had friends tell me IWTA because I overstepped my bounds by telling her that she could wear whatever she wanted and that people were idiotic to complain about it. I know I used language I shouldn't but I was just infuriated at the whole situation.
[EX A]: | answerable
| 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
I'm currently running for a local office. This is my first time, so I don't have any name recognition or big money. So, I'm getting out to as many events as I can, trying to build that reputation and meet as many people as possible.
Last night, I was at an event, trying to network. I was very much doing hit-and-run conversations where I would say hello to someone, ask how they are, talk a bit about my campaign (and theirs, if they're a candidate), and then excuse myself to talk to someone else.
At one point, a friend of mine cornered me. I've known this woman for many years, and have nothing but nice things to say about her.
Normally, I wouldn't mind talking to her at all. However, this time, she wanted to get deep into a discussion about zoning along bus lines. Every time I tried to end the conversation, she would continue talking as if I hadn't. At one point, she was actually holding my jacket sleeve to prevent me from walking away. All in all, we wound up talking for about twenty minutes of a two-hour event.
Finally, I was able to wave another friend over and pull a, "Have you met *person?*" and then somewhat gracefully excuse myself.
This morning, my friend who had been bending my ear sent me a text message tell me that it was rude of me to "hand [her] off" and "ditch" her last night. I feel like it was rude of *her* to monopolize my time at en event where networking and socializing is expected. But, I'd appreciate some outside perspective.
answerable
She started trying to roast me and call me gay and some other things, I called her fat and some other things. I found out later she cried in the locker room
answerable
This is kind of piggy-backing on the locked thread from the other day of the guy whose fiance won't eat his cooking.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/af3x7l/aita\_for\_being\_upset\_when\_my\_fiance\_wont\_eat\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/af3x7l/aita_for_being_upset_when_my_fiance_wont_eat_my/)
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My case is slightly different, so I really don't know if I'm the problem here or not. We've been married about 8 years. More importantly, I don't know what perspective is the healthiest to take on this.
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Example: tonight, my wife (47), mother-in-law, son (5) and I (45) are getting ready to have dinner. Like the previous poster, I do enjoy cooking; I like to experiment and hate using recipes. Sometimes, I lose- big time, but usually, I can do a pretty good job of making something delicious and healthy.
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Anyway, about a year ago, my son (5yr) was diagnosed Celiac, and about 6 months after, I figured out that my 30 year gut problem is an IBS caused by onion, garlic, and all kinds of other foods containing fructans. Those foods containing gluten (a protein) also have these fructans (a sugar), so wheat, barley, rye- my son and I both get hit.
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I don't think my problem goes beyond serious, explosive, burning, toilet discomfort for a couple days, but my son truly will have problems if he ingests more than a sugar packet's worth of gluten in a year (put your knife in peanut butter, wipe it on your 'regular' bread, go back to the peanut butter jar with the knife, guess what's now in the peanut butter- whatever kind of bread you spread it on next).
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Anyway, as soon as I found out about my son's celiac, I cleaned the house of gluten. Anything remotely suspect, I put in boxes intending to give away. Wife came home; within an hour most everything was back on the shelves. Perhaps I over-reacted, I'm not sure.
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Fast forward about 8 months. We now often just prepare three meals for dinner. My son, being five, well he'd likely get his own meal in any case, not just because the gluten thing, but also, he's five.
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My wife though, she insists on buying both regular and gluten-free, well just about everything. So, we have gluten, and gluten-free peanut butter, gluten and gluten-free butter, gluten and gluten-free breads. Still gotta use the same toaster and all though. She made pizzas the other day using her bread-maker. One gluten-free pizza for the boy and I, a 'regular' one for her and our guests. Using the same bread-maker she'd been using for years. A sugar packet's worth of the gluten molecule, remember. But maybe I'm over-reacting.
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Anyway- things are settling to where I cook meals and my wife does dishes/cleanup (I hate dishes- hate it- and I do it 'wrong' anyway too often). She'll still make meals occasionally too.
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Now, my wife has a thing with beef- I can't pin down her reason though, because it often changes. For years, the reason was that cows produce methane, take up too many resources, bad for environment, etc. But then I pointed out her milk drinking habit, and the fact that there were more buffalo in North America before the slaughter than there are cows now, and that they share a similar physiology, etc. So now her reason seems to have switched to that it 'makes her feel bad'. Though I still hear the environmental piece from time to time. She has no problem with other meats- birds, pigs, fish, not much a fan of lamb or goat though.
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But she'll eat the beef pot pies her mother makes. And she'll eat beef other times at her parents' house, or at other's houses.
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So tonight, I go to make dinner for myself, my wife and my mother-in-law. I decided to season some ground bison (having this onion/garlic thing, I've got to create all my own seasonings from scratch- EVERY seasoning mix has onion or garlic powder). Then I put it over rice and made a tomato-cucumber-corn salsa to put over top of that (because, again- I defy you to go find a salsa without onions or garlic).
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And it's good- it's really, really good. But my wife won't have any of it. Because I used the bison ground beef. She said last time she tried it, she had too much and it made her feel bad. So instead, we just get in each other's way in our cramped kitchen while she prepares an entirely different meal using nothing I had prepared tonight except the rice. The meal she decided to have was my leftover veal-tomato-sweet potato crock pot disaster that I don't intend to have another bite of myself, I'm so disappointed with it.
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In any case, when the meal was over, my mother-in-law said, 'Thanks, that was good.'. And I said, 'Thanks, I'm glad somebody enjoyed it." My wife said, "You didn't like it?" I said, "No, it was great!". She again said something about how last time she tried the bison she, 'Didn't feel good'. Then she proceeds to take another bite of the vegetables she'd picked out of the crock pot veal leftovers. Knowing full well that veal is cow.
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This kind of behavior, is regular. When she makes me salads with the bitter, yucky plant leaves I just don't like, I eat them. I might complain a little, but I don't just make my own meal instead.
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So folks, AITA for sitting here feeling bad because I live in a family that has to have three separate meals on a regular basis? Is this any different than the previous poster's situation with his fiance? Should I do more to cater to her choices of food items, when my son and I have diagnosed medical problems associated with foods that she refuses to adapt her own eating and grocery habits to?
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Please ask for clarifications if you need them- I'm not looking for validation here- I really don't know if I'm an asshole or not.
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TL:DR- Wife prefers not to eat beef. I make family meals and will use bison or beef (usually bison if I can find it) maybe once a week or every other week, but my wife won't eat it and just makes her own meal instead. My son and I have diagnosed/medical food issues, but she brings the offending foods home anyway. AITA?
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| answerable
| 0 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
TASK DEFINITION: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
PROBLEM: So this is a real long and stupid story, get ready.
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Basically I met this girl on tinder a while ago, she was visiting her family and she actually lives in another state, so i thought that was the end of it, i still talked to her though. Turns out shes moving back here in 3 months, so we kept talking, realized we both really like each other. We've been talking for 10 days now or so, and we are already planning to start dating once she moves out her.
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When we first started talking she mentioned this other guy \[phillipe\] (whom lives in the town she lives in now) and that she was kinda talking with him. Today i jokingly asked "hows \[phillipe\]" and she told me that shes still kinda talking to him and that he was gonna call her tonight, we were in a call (ft) at the time.
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So I just got upset really, and I told her this, her explanation is that she goes days without talking to him, while we talk pretty much all day every day. She said its not like their dating, but we both know he likes her, and hes most likely flirting with her. So it just hurt me to know that shes still talking to this guy after we've been so serious and kinda intimate.
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AITA
SOLUTION: answerable
PROBLEM: So some context. My school has a big field trip where they go to a big city. It is only for band choir or orchestra. Sorry for spelling and formatting. I'm on mobile.
Up at my family's camper my brother kept using my earbuds and breaking them. He broke three fucking pairs.
My parents bought him two pairs of earbuds and I asked why he needs two pairs. He said that if one broke the othor will be useful. So my mom said to my brother that I was trying to steal a pair of his earbuds. I then stormed off.
I was slightly angry that my brother got two pairs of earbuds after breaking three of mine. I was more angry that he got the earbuds for a stupid reason.
AITA for being angry at my brother for breaking my earbuds or is it just childish?
SOLUTION: not answerable
PROBLEM: It sounds horrible but it wasn't that bad. I didn't necessarily call her an attention whore, I told her to stop acting like one. She has some friends that are extremely into politics. I just find them stupid and ignorant. Politics is all about making one group of people seem worse than your group of people. It's so annoying, she always tries to be someone else while with them. I know her well enough to know she is apolitical like me so seeing her try to act like she's into it and going to protest is so insufferable.
Her friends came over and she started trying to make this "rant" about college bias'. I just couldn't handle it and I cut her off midway to tell her to stop being like her stupid friends and that I know she isn't like that so she needs to stop acting like an attention whore.
SOLUTION: | answerable
| 8 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
instruction:
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
question:
My fiancée and I are in university. She graduates this semester. I still have three left. We are the same age, she was just a little more focused than I was. Being that she is graduating and I still have almost two years left, she could move to my city where my university is. It would save us a fair chunk of money and help us plan our wedding. Instead, she chose to go full time with her current job to further her career. She's a human resources major, so she can get a job anywhere. I stressed to her how much I wanted her to move to me, but she made her decision. Our relationship is the most important thing to me and I would do anything for her. I was quite hurt by her decision as it feels like our relationship takes a backseat to her career. Now she thinks I'm an asshole for voicing my displeasure with her choice. Am I being an asshole?
answer:
not answerable
question:
Back in April I met this guy, AN we'll call him. AN and I hit it off, we start a FWB thing. He introduces me to his friends, one of them, TT, talks to me quite often over insta. Now, AN and I were spending quite a bit of time together and it was clear we were developing feelings. I told him how often TT and I talked and he told me TT was just trying to sleep with me. AN told me that TT had literally asked AN if he could ask me out. I message TT, clarify that I have no interest in "homie hopping" and that we're just friends. TT acquiesced, but a few weeks later blows up on me for something random, says some rude shit in front of our friends. Eventually apologized but it was clear why he was upset.
TT and I were friends for a while (about 6 months) while AN and I navigated our increasingly complicated relationship. We had lots of meaningful conversations.
Eventually shit between AN and I reaches a boiling point & things are ended. Shortly after things are ended, TT and I hang out. I joke that I need some rebound sex. TT literally says to me, "You're trying to get laid, I'm trying to get laid..." I cut him off there- him and AN are still friends, I know AN had feelings for me, I'm not comfortable getting between two good friends. Besides, I told him we were never going to be more than friends. He agrees. The next day he texts me and tells me he was an idiot for suggesting it; I tell him it's alright, I understand why you brought it up.
Suddenly we stop talking as much. Days go by without communication, when previously we would at least share memes or music daily.
And again, out of nowhere he BLOWS UP on me over messenger. He said some unbelievably hurtful things. He used insecurities I've confided in him against me. My self esteem took a massive blow; I cried myself to sleep several times (which is very out of character, I'm not a crier) and I even relapse into self harm.
It took a lot of work to get over what he said, I was already in a very delicate state because of AN's treatment of me. My current boyfriend helped me trust men again because after those two, I felt like I was worthless aside from my looks.
I've avoided TT since, and generally moved on. Despite my best efforts, he's always around my other friends and I ran into him; he asked if we could talk. He "apologized," by saying he "was very stressed out about being in the middle of AN and I's 'break-up'" (which, to be fair, we did put him in the middle of) and I happened to be who he blew up on. I told him I have moved on but I want nothing to do with him.
Now some of our friends think I'm being an asshole, while to me it's clear TT was just waiting for good chance to get in my pants, and never really valued my friendship. They think I should move on.
Tl;Dr: AITA for wanting to avoid an ex friend who devasted me and gave me a flimsy non apology?
answer:
answerable
question:
I went with my group of friends to eat some sushi the other week and, when we're finished, we decide to go for a walk together. As we're walking, this girl, which I'd never talked to during the whole lunch, walks to me telling me that she thought I dressed horribly.
"I'm not saying it to make you feel bad, I just want you to look better"
This kinda pissed me off, so I half-jokingly told her that I didn't go outta my way to let her know I though her backpack was shit. She didn't take it too well and ignored me, and a coupla friends gave me weird looks.
Am I the asshole?
answer:
| answerable
| 9 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given the task definition, example input & output, solve the new input case.
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Output: not answerable
Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
New input case for you: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months and his best friend has been unsupportive from the very beginning. On multiple occasions he has “told me to eat shit, called me a hoe, accuse me of not caring about my boyfriend, etc” he even texted me on my birthday explaining in full detail how terrible I am, how I make my boyfriends life worse and how he’d be better off without me then proceeded to wish me a happy birthday. My boyfriend has repeatedly told him to stop and told me that what he says isn’t true but I’m tired of the harassment. He seems to care more about his own feelings more than his best friends but he may also be trying to look out for his friend.Am I the asshole if I don’t want my boyfriend to continue being friends with him?
Output: | not answerable | 1 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
See one example below:
Problem: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Problem: So me and my siblings were playing a game together and my brother rage quit after losing, I kinda laughed and he's like, "Huh? YOU GOT A PROBLEM HUH?" and then my sister backs him up saying that, "u/ChiggyNuggetNEET, not everyone can be perfect like you." My sister and brother proceed to throw there words at me and what not yelling at me. So, here's the question, Am I the Ass here?
Solution: | answerable | 4 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example Input: I work at a small hospital with a shower in the OR locker room. About 3 women actually use the shower: I run to work, another woman bikes to work, and another woman goes to the gym before work. Bike lady starts work at 7 and is often done before me and gym lady arrive. I work at 7:50 but I also do my makeup and meditate so I come early. Gym lady starts work at 7 but usually arrives while I am in the shower.
I take longer in the shower and gym lady is mad about it. If we arrive at the same time I always let gym or bike lady go first. But, if I am already showering, gym lady often calls out to me in the shower to tell me she's waiting and is visibly irritated with me when I come out. She arrives with barely enough time to shower and is sometimes late, so I'm sure waiting for me is very frustrating.
I timed our showers the other day. Both bike and gym lady take about 4.5 to 5 minutes in the stall. I took 9 minutes and 45 seconds. This includes undressing, drying off, and dressing time. However, bike lady and gym lady work in the operating room and are required to wear hats. I work in the recovery room with my hair uncovered. I wash my hair, they do not wash their hair. I do not relax in the shower, the extra 4 minutes is strictly hair related time.
Technically I'm taking twice as long in the shower, but I feel justified in washing my hair, given I don't cover my hair for work. Am I the asshole for taking nearly 10 minutes in a shared shower?
Example Output: answerable
Example Input: So. Throwaway acct. but here it goes.
My spouse and I currently live on our own in our house and we’re 26 years old and expecting our first child this week.
My sibling (16) is still living with our mutual parent. I have never gotten along with our mutual parent as I personally feel they’re a hypocritical pile of shit and a terrible excuse for a parent. Always on her phone, does what she wants at all times with no real thought for the kid, and basically shows no attention to the kid regardless of what the kid wants. Nothing has changed since my sibling has been there
My sibling has some mental problems (bipolar disorder, depression, and a learning disability) that mean realistically sibling should have been given more attention than a normal kid, let alone, the attention they were given
So basically, sibling got caught liking a person of the same sex a state away and my parent freaked out. Calling sibling a demonic spirit and going extremely over the top with their conservative views under attack. Parent threatening to put sibling in a group home. And sibling therefore has spiraled into a bad spot.
Sibling wants to live with me and realistically I know it would be in their best interest because of the situation their in. But frankly, I hate the parent, and the sibling is frankly not very well equipped to handle a job or really any legitimate task due to being taken out of school. But I really don’t want that responsibility of taking care of a child that’s not mine and everything that comes with it, on top of having my own child otw.
So I feel like garbage, because I’m sure I’m being selfish, but I also feel like it’s not my responsibility in the first place. I was hoping parent 2 would step up (parents are divorced) but I think they are in the same boat I am in (which I think is bullshit because it’s their kid).
So AITA for not wanting to put myself and my wife through taking care of my sibling on top of my own child despite the fact that my siblings mental well being would be in a much better place if I did.
Also this is my first post here so I’m sure I’m missing things that would make judgement easier, just let me know.
Example Output: answerable
Example Input: So me and my siblings were playing a game together and my brother rage quit after losing, I kinda laughed and he's like, "Huh? YOU GOT A PROBLEM HUH?" and then my sister backs him up saying that, "u/ChiggyNuggetNEET, not everyone can be perfect like you." My sister and brother proceed to throw there words at me and what not yelling at me. So, here's the question, Am I the Ass here?
Example Output: | answerable
| 3 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Let me give you an example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
The answer to this example can be: not answerable
Here is why: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
OK. solve this:
My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) recently moved into an apartment together. In doing so, I moved out of my parents’ house.
I have anxiety and regularly (especially in the evening) experience rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, lightheadedness, feeling of a “pit” in my stomach, fatigue, etc. This happens more frequently when I am alone. The symptoms became much worse when I left home and went off to college, decreased significantly when I moved home, and have now started up again. I’ve had what I would consider a panic attack/episode at least 3 times in the past week. I believe this has to do with me moving out, my parents separating (very recent) after my dad having an affair, and my boyfriend starting a job that he works in the evenings, which leaves me alone for long stretches of time.
I would like to get an emotional support animal to help alleviate some of these symptoms. My (technically my family’s) puppy at my parents’ house was always able to distract and comfort me when I was particularly anxious. I believe that I would legitimately qualify for an emotional support animal.
However, my issue is that doctors (any health professionals really) are major triggers for my anxiety. Because of this, I would like to obtain a letter via an online service or some sort of teletherapy (the most legit I can find). Note that this would NOT be a registration/certification. I know these are scams. There seem to be services out there that can legally do this, but I know that online services like this are often scams that make life more difficult for people with service animals and even “real” ESAs, which I don’t want to support.
So, Reddit, WIBTA for using a legal but ethically questionable online service for obtaining an ESA letter? Should I just suck it up and see a therapist?
Answer: | answerable | 8 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Example solution: not answerable
Example explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Problem: He broke up with me after 3 years of relationship , saying all that “I’ve got too much to deal with in life that I’m not ready to he in any relationship.” We broke up on good terms and at least we still cared about each other- oh so I thought.
1 month later, I heard him enthusiastically and loudly talk about his new love interest in gathering of a group of mutual friends. He knew for a fact that I was just 2 feet behind him. First thing that came to mind was being worried that he might get with girls that treat him like shit (he did before).
I was at first upset that he chose to lie to me even at the very last moment of the relationship... but later I found out more and more that made me pretty upset and angry.
He kept saying he did not feel anything for the girl until after we broke up - truth is he’s been talking to some mutual friends about this girl just 2 hrs before the breakup, and it was them who said dude this is not cool you gotta end stuff before you can do anything... so he broke up with me 2 hrs later.
When we were together, he always told me he couldn’t make plans cos “his mom makes all the decisions” and he has no say over his schedule (he’s 23 now btw.) But to my surprise, he managed to convince his entire family to go on a trip just to travel to see the new girl.
Then slowly I came to realise that he was never faithful. He once lied to my face about how he injured his knee while I was literally kneeling in front of him, doing his wound dressing for him. He lied about the most trivial things, and when I ask questions he would cover it with another lie, then another.
So after discovering all that, I found the girl on social media. I told her that he lied to me countless times and cheated on me (made out with girls when we were together). I read what I typed many, many times to make sure it was just stating facts, (i.e. he told lies a lot, cheated on me, and the exact time we were together - cos apparently he lied to his family and friends about that too). I showed some of my friends to make sure the tone was fine.
All I wanted to do was to let her know... cos if I were in the same position, I would want to at least know that this person (at least “used to”) treat his SO this way, and to take what he says with a grain of salt.
I was certain there is always a possibility that the girl feels I was talking rubbish, or she might think he’d change for her or whatever. I wasn’t trying to make a choice FOR her. INFORMED DECISION was what I was concerned about.
Of course, his friends and family thought I was taking revenge. They said “how dare you who gave you the right to do that?” I really, really wanted to say, I really don’t need anyone’s permission to talk to her...? But I didn’t. I apologised for making them feel hurt.
My ex also kept using the fact that I had been on social media after we broke up - dude I wasn’t the one who claimed to not be ready for any relationship??
| Solution: answerable | 5 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Example solution: not answerable
Example explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Problem: First timer here!
My wife and I have had this nanny/daycare provider for the past year. She would occasionally come to our house to watch the kids but most of the time we dropped them off at her home.
At the time of our childcare arrangement we spoke about all the normal stuff i.e. payment, drop off, and also tax reporting as this isn't my first go around. When you've paid for childcare expenses in the past they add up quick. We just want to utilize the proper tax benefit.
About 2 months ago she cancelled with a two week notice (better than none) and we have not used her since.
While preparing taxes we requested the proper tax forms that she should produce upon request. Her response was that she hadn't kept track all year (we have) and that she does not feel comfortable giving us her SSN as this is how we report to the IRS if they do not have an EIN.
My wife was the one who made the request and let me know what our previous provider said.
I then contacted the previous provider and let her know that my wife and I; through our taxes will report her for her lack of due diligence as well the income she made from us. (We are required to report our childcare benefit differently due to her refusal to identify)
My wife is embarrassed I'm her husband now.
On mobile so please forgive formatting or whatever else is wrong.
Also I have not posted much so I don't know what I'm doing.
| Solution: not answerable | 5 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[EX Q]: So this is my first ever reddit post, although I’ve been reading this subreddit everyday for about a month now. I’m also writing this on mobile, so excuse any errors. Anyways, for some background context I have three best friends, each who I love for different reasons and really value their opinions/advice. Well two of them are super open and understanding, one of them (call her L) can be very judgmental when it comes to topics such as sex, alcohol use, etc (raised super religious). It’s the type of passive judgement that kind of feels worse then direct judgement. So recently I’ve been talking to a mutual guy friend of ours and our relationship has turned somewhat sexual, nothing too serious just very casual. I told my other two best friends about it as I was seeking advice on the situation and they were completely understanding and not judgmental at all, in fact they fully supported me. However, now I feel awful about not telling L due to a fear of being judged/condescended but I’m also scared that if I don’t tell her now she’ll find out later and it will make the situation worse. Also, I have every single class with her (I’m in high school) so I feel like if I tell her I’ll never hear the end of it. I’m pretty conflicted. Am I an asshole for not telling her?
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: I used to fancy this girl a year below me, and at one point I decided to step up my game a bit and tried to flirt and hang out with her. Later on, as it was around time for my exams, I decided to like and comment on her *recent* posts, such as any pictures that she uploaded and all. Not all of them are pictures of her, but sometimes its animals and just photography, you get the point. Anyways, so I decided to like her pictures and leave witty comments to show off and all. She didn't respond, but her friends did and they were shipping us together, all's good right?
Then shit hits the fan when a few days later, the chemistry teacher who I'm close with (I don't do chemistry myself) approached me and told me to stop pursuing my then crush because she and her two best friends told the chemistry teacher about my actions and dubbed it "stalking" and "creepy".
I don't know about you all, but me almost getting in trouble during a critical time of my life, which is exams, could be devastating to my future, since I don't want to be expelled from school for having an attraction to someone else and showing it.
Afterwards, I just stopped talking to her and to this day I still feel resentful towards what happened, I don't interact with her but I do tell people who ask "why don't I hang out or talk to her" this story.
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: Since I was 12 or so I have helped out in my parents' business. Due to the fact that this particular type of business does not make as much money any more I help out a lot more than I used to.
I am now 25 and have my first proper job having finished college. I often work about 20 hours a week for them for no pay although I do live at home. I would much prefer to pay rent and be worse off financially but I don't think they would accept this at all.
My dad has another really high pressure job which takes up literally 100% of his time which means he thinks the rest of us should chip in and do whatever he asks and whenever he wants. This has caused me to feel huge resentment towards him. We are not so much a family as work colleagues who can shout at each other anytime anywhere.
I'm sitting here on a Saturday at the empty business. I don't have the autonomy to decide what I want to do with my day off and tomorrow will be the same. I can't pursue hobbies in the evenings and I feel like my time is being robbed.
Also this commitment has meant that I commute over an hour to work so that I can come home most days and help out.
I'm at my wits end. I plan to move out next year but worry what my siblings and family will think and whether they will even talk to me. I am thinking of going to therapy to figure out solutions to the situation.
[EX A]: | answerable
| 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given the task definition, example input & output, solve the new input case.
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Output: not answerable
Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
New input case for you: My co-worker recently had an appointment (did not disclose the type) at 12:30 and had taken their hour lunch break from 11:30 until 12:30.
Once the hour lunch break was over they left for their appointment in which they returned an hour later with no apologies or anything for leaving for an extra hour and pushing back my break until 1:30, as much as i want to excuse this for the fact they wanted a full lunch break, i had to ask why they went about it like this and they simply replied with "i deserve my hour break" (Which seems completly unfair considering other coworkers only get the hour and no more)
Am I the asshole for questioning the way this appointment was handled in relation to their lunch break? As well as my attitude of fitting the appointment into the lunch break?
Output: | not answerable | 1 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[EX Q]: M27 F28, both graduated and have stable jobs. Been together 7 years.
So, long story short, I am pro-life.
When we learned that she was pregnant(around two weeks ago), I immediately resolved to be there for her and support her through every stage of the pregnancy.
Then, two weeks later, she tells me she wants an abortion, because she doesn't want the responsibility of having a child in her life just yet.
As it goes against my beliefs, I don't want her to have an abortion. But, I want to respect my girlfriend's right to choose.
I want to propose an ultimatum. The abortion or me. I am willing and wanting to sacrifice everything for this child, but if she isn't willing, then I don't want to impede her.
I also don't want to be the dick that proposes an ultimatum.
WIBTA?
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: I’ll try to keep it short. My wife is pregnant with our second child. She is preeclamptic and considered high risk. Last week my wife was having pain, went to the dr, who told her to go straight to the hospital. At the hospital they told her she will stay until they decide she is stable enough to return home, there is a possibility she may have to remain there until baby is born, which could be a few weeks to over a month depending on how early baby gets here. My wife’s sister (who I don’t really get along with) took it upon herself to create a go fund me saying we are having financial problems and “can’t afford things” as she put it. Then proceeds to post it on Facebook. This is complete bullshit as I work full time and have enough in savings to be ok while my wife is on bed rest at the hospital. Money is tight, sure, we have a been preparing for a baby. However I’m not broke by any means and I sure as hell don’t need to lean on strangers donations to “make it”. I was offended that she made a go fund me without consulting us first. I told my wife she needs to delete it, to which she replied back “people are nice and want to help.” I wont accept this money and don’t feel right about the whole thing. AITA for getting worked up about taking money from people when my situation isn’t as bad as she made it out to be?
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: My friend "John" broke up with my other friend "Stacy" and she has been really heartbroken and recently I have been talking to her a lot and we facetime every night for like 2 weeks and I think I am starting to develop feelings AITA for starting a relationship even though he broke up with her?
[EX A]: | answerable
| 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Backstory: we have two kids, just into their double digits years, and my ex and I have a 50/50 custody schedule since the separation. 1 week with me, 1 with him.
His friends are partiers/drinkers. Always have been, but he didn't go out with them much when we were together because they lived out of town.
Since our separation, his two closest friends have moved back to our town again. So my ex is back to partying and drinking with them again.
Today my ex asked that I have the kids this Friday because another friend is coming into town and the guys are all going out drinking. My response was that I'd like to keep our weekend's with the kids consistent. So, I didn't tell him no, but honestly I think he shouldn't ask me to have the kids so he can go out drinking with his buddies. It's his week with the kids, after all. Anyway, his response made it clear that he's mad that I didn't agree.
So, am I the asshole here?
answerable
So, I live in a fairly nice/expensive apartment complex in a good area. I get along really well with the neighbor in question 99% of the time. For the last week, he’s been leaving his trash bags out on his porch instead of walking them to the dumpster like a normal person. I know it’s not a huge deal, but it’s a big pet peeve of mine. WIBTA if I left an anonymous note that just said something like “hi, please remember to take your trash to the dumpster!”?
I feel like maybe I’m overreacting, but SERIOUSLY, I just hate walking by and seeing trash bags. This is a nice complex. Forgive me, but I think that’s pretty.........trashy.
answerable
There's this guy (he is 20, I am 19/F) whom I used to go to school with that really keeps bugging me. He follows me on all my social medias and has my snapchat. We have texted for years. Not daily but we talk for about a month or two, then he confesses his feelings for me, I reject him and we stop talking. He usually doesn't want to talk to me after that. Then a few months pass and he texts me again. We have been going in that loop for about 5 years and I am really getting tired of it.
This time around though we have been talking for 6 months and I really don't like talking to him. He makes me unconfortable and he asks me quite personal questions. Questions like: "do you like someone right now?" and "are you taking antidepressents" (I have a history of metal healt issues like depression and panic disorder). Those are just two examples and I don't want to tell him the answers. But he gets upset with me when I say I don't want to tell him.
He keeps asking me to meet up with him, like a date but I continue to say maybe. I can't say no because I feel bad. He likes telling me about his mental health issues. He also constantly gives me compliments and gives me weird comments. He told me that I reminded him of his mom, in a good way. He compliments me all the time. One compliment from time to time is nice, when it comes from the right person but he is so noth the right person. His compliments make me uncomfortable and I don't know why. He mainly compliments me on my eyes but he sometimes compliments my hair and freckles. I hate it but I feel a little bad for him. He recently got diagnosis for a multible personality disorder. I feel bad for him, that's why I kept replying to him.
Recently though, I stopped replying. I couldn't do it anymore. But he keeps sending me messages. It really annoys me and I get into a really bad mood everytime that happens. I want to block him because I just can't stand him anymore. All his personal questions, his weird comments and his constant compliments drive me insane. WIBTA if I blocked him?
| answerable
| 0 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
One example is below.
Q: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
A: not answerable
Rationale: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Q: Background Story:
I have not worked for a long time (3 years) because of the mental problems I experienced at the time
And lately the situation at home was not simple, and my relationship with my father was not always good
​
A few days ago, my uncle contacted me about the fact that he had to meet with me and talk to me about very important and urgent things (something unusual). I started to fear that the situation between the parents was not in the best condition, and I thought that maybe he was "preparing the ground" for something
When I got to the meeting he said he had asked my father what was happening with me and if I had a driver's license My father replied, "What are you talking about? He is not working for three years," and he decided to take me out of the situation I was in by arranging for me work and employment. (Which actually made me really angry about this whole thing) that he began to slip into very personal tracks that I think should not be asked by him but by my father (asked me about my sexuality, and if I was with a woman) And he also wanted to take me to an escort girl and get me a driver's license at his expense ... In short, he took me under his wing
And he said it would please my father by making me happy too
(My mental state in the recent period has improved and I feel that is already behind me and I am on my way to good things, and this irritated me even though it shows that my father does not know me and is not aware that the situation has improved)
The thing I was annoyed about was that my father was giving up trying to connect with me and / or help me in a certain way and the thing my dad might have sent him to get information about me instead of asking me directly
A: | answerable | 9 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
One example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution is here: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Now, solve this: So im gonna start with a little bit of background information: Be me, 22 y/o male in the middle of his in-firm training (takes 3 years), who has been in a relationship with his first gf for almost 6 years. Fly to the USA for 4 weeks as a part of your training. Get your ass dumped via whatsapp after you´ve been there for 1 week because of another guy that she met (he gave her a ride from our hometown to the city where she studies for the last 1 1/2 years). Get messages like "Cant i be a little bit happy?" or "You havent cared about me in our relationship". Be sad as fuck, eat like once a day, no sleep because of jetlag + fucked up mentality. Cant enjoy the time you have there because you cant get a clear minute. Come back home after 4 weeks.
Thats where im gonna start. Of course she wanted to talk to me about everything and at the time i was abroad i also wanted to know why, but as i returned back home after 4 weeks full of shit i was so done with her. I didnt want to speak to her or ever see her again, even if the time we had together was beautiful and i loved her more than anything else. I can understand if you break up if you have the feeling that it just doesnt work anymore, but not like this, not after almost 6 years. Was that what i deserved? To be dumped like someone she barely knew and didnt care about? I felt so worthless for about 2-3 months. Without my friends and my parents i probably wouldnt be where i am right now and i spent the first few weeks talking with them about what happend so i could process it.
Almost everybody told me that i should not answer her messages or calls anymore, and that was just what i did. Of course she kept writing me, but i just ignored her. After a few months it started getting better and i didnt have to think about her all the time.
Now, after almost 1 year (all this took place in June 2018), she is blaming me that her conscience is bothering her and that she has to think about me alot, that she cant concentrate on her studies and that the relationship with her new bf suffers from her having to think about me. So basically she states that all this happened because i didnt want to settle things with her, but i really dont give a damn about what she thinks or how she feels now. AITA for this?
Solution: | answerable | 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Teacher: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Teacher: Now, understand the problem? If you are still confused, see the following example:
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Reason: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Now, solve this instance: I've this classmate in every class that just makes me uncomfortable, they talk behind my back (even if I can obliviously hear them) and try to exclude me. They've been away for a while and it was so much better without them.
Student: | not answerable | 2 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[Q]: A little background: I work for my mother and father-in-law. I live with them 700 miles away from my wife(married 3 years) while I finish college (I stopped going for a while and finally decided to finish). They run their own business and therefore it needs to be open almost all business days except major holidays. During this last school year I worked in the office Monday, Wednesday, Friday full day and Tuesday/Thursday afternoon. They average maybe 18 hours in office each during the school year because they know I’ll cover the office. They could have visited my wife any given weekend for 4 days max. Now that school is in break they decided to go visit her (understandable) and ask me to cover the office until they get back (cool, I visited during Christmas and they’d stay an extra week). What aggravated me was when I had already been back they then called me and said they were thinking of staying another 6 days and I should be able to handle the office. I can handle the office but now is the only time I’ll have until spring break to visit her. I tell them this and they say they’re going out of town on my spring break for vacation so I’ll need to cover the office then too. Now I’m beyond pissed and I tell them they’re cutting into my time with my wife because they want to use me for their own extended vacation. My wife hears about it from my mother in law and gets mad at me and says I just have 5 more months of this until I graduate. That shouldn’t be the point and I told her she never just sides with me.
Am I the asshole?
[A]: answerable
[Q]: So. Throwaway acct. but here it goes.
My spouse and I currently live on our own in our house and we’re 26 years old and expecting our first child this week.
My sibling (16) is still living with our mutual parent. I have never gotten along with our mutual parent as I personally feel they’re a hypocritical pile of shit and a terrible excuse for a parent. Always on her phone, does what she wants at all times with no real thought for the kid, and basically shows no attention to the kid regardless of what the kid wants. Nothing has changed since my sibling has been there
My sibling has some mental problems (bipolar disorder, depression, and a learning disability) that mean realistically sibling should have been given more attention than a normal kid, let alone, the attention they were given
So basically, sibling got caught liking a person of the same sex a state away and my parent freaked out. Calling sibling a demonic spirit and going extremely over the top with their conservative views under attack. Parent threatening to put sibling in a group home. And sibling therefore has spiraled into a bad spot.
Sibling wants to live with me and realistically I know it would be in their best interest because of the situation their in. But frankly, I hate the parent, and the sibling is frankly not very well equipped to handle a job or really any legitimate task due to being taken out of school. But I really don’t want that responsibility of taking care of a child that’s not mine and everything that comes with it, on top of having my own child otw.
So I feel like garbage, because I’m sure I’m being selfish, but I also feel like it’s not my responsibility in the first place. I was hoping parent 2 would step up (parents are divorced) but I think they are in the same boat I am in (which I think is bullshit because it’s their kid).
So AITA for not wanting to put myself and my wife through taking care of my sibling on top of my own child despite the fact that my siblings mental well being would be in a much better place if I did.
Also this is my first post here so I’m sure I’m missing things that would make judgement easier, just let me know.
[A]: answerable
[Q]: Throw away account, mobile, I'm exhausted excuse the mess. On with the issue...
So mid December my boyfriend and I got a puppy, it was his friends, so there's no papers on who's pet, but I paid for her. $200 to be exact.
We've been fighting alot, and talking about breaking up, he say's he'll take her. Cause his son loves her.
Well so do I! I feed her, take her outside, buy her toys, clean up her accidents.. he helps occasionally but it's mostly me. And I snuggle her, she loves sleeping with me. She loves them but I feel like she's mine.
SOOO, WIBTA if I chipped my pup without telling my boyfriend claiming rights? (I plan on taking her to the vet next month.) or does that not even how it works.
Thanks for reading!
[A]: | not answerable
| 5 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[EX Q]: My brother and I have not always been extremely close, but we've managed a few good memories and some deep conversations over the years. That said, we've were raised in a very traditional Catholic home. Our mother would always force us (sister, brother, and I) inside a shitty cramped car every Sunday and we used to hate it. I even remember I got us all in trouble once for licking a page in the Bible as a dare (from him). Eventually though, we all grew up and found our own path to God outside of our parents -- except for my brother.
​
I love him, but he's always been the testy one. He's the one who would argue with my mother nonstop about trivial things like a bedtime even though she was just a single mother at the time with only the three of us. He's only really seemed to care about himself and his own sense of justice for most of our lives. He told my mother that he is atheist about a year ago, and she took it a lot better than I thought. While not approving completely, she told him he was free to do as he wanted and that he was an adult capable of making his own decisions. But recently, her birthday came and she wanted all three of her children with her in church, as it happened to fall on a Sunday this year. Only two of us showed up, and you can likely guess who didn't. They got into a massive argument after that and he said things like "that book is responsible for the death of my childhood." I think that's such an overstatement, as we had a much better childhood than we could have hoped for.
Not just that, but we've gotten into near-fistfights on multiple occasions because he's so damn resistant to anything remotely religious. I reached out to him with a scripture after our estranged father passed away and he threatened to block me. I was just trying to help. Then last week, after the whole birthday thing, I told him it'd be better if we didn't talk anymore. I think I'm going to try to convince my sister and mother not to talk to him anymore either, as I can't help but to view him as a threat to our happiness. I'm just doing what it takes to protect what family I have, and he's only given us negative experiences as of late.
​
Now I don't hate atheists or harbor any ill will towards them, but I believe that you shouldn't really associate with people that are this tormented. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and I think he'd benefit from going to church as part of it may be to a lack of God in his life. I'm sure this will get downvoted as Reddit tends to dislike anything even slightly religious, but if at least a couple people leave honest replies, I'd be fine with that.
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: Okay, first things first: it's tinder and I'm the big silly who thought I found meaningful connection. I'm not on it now.
​
\- I don't use tinder much, certainly not for cheap sex. I guess I had it vaguely because it's a way to meet people.
\- Still managed to match with a guy who seemed nice. He messaged me first, we had great chat and went out for a brunch date when he was articulate, funny, interesting and attractive. Definitely I had gone into the date without expectations and left with them exceeded.
\- Second date is heaps of fun and he takes me out for a really nice dinner. We have great sex and hang out the next morning and I decide on the spot that I've met prince charming. YAY! I let him know that I'm interested and he responds, awkwardly, that he likes me too.
\- Okay, here's the juice. I have clinical depression and, while I'm medicated and don't expect him to 'save' me from myself, it's still there. I haven't disclosed this information.
\- The next few months shit gets wobbly. He works away and is a self-anointed poor communicator. I go through this stage of being super patient with him while ultimately feeing ignored and frustrated because every time I reach out (like once a week) I get the feeling that I'm bugging him and being the proverbial 'ugh, needy woman'. We have sex when he's in town and I feel no problem with that, but definitely feeling that I can't communicate with him because, gross, feeeeeeeeeelings. I want a straight answer as to how he sees us - together? Not? FwB? Dating?
\- He updates tinder.
\- I realise I'm [Gillian Flynn's cool girl](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/584441-men-always-say-that-as-the-defining-compliment-don-t-they)
\- He ends it: I crack and tell him I can't sit around waiting for him to remember I exist and he smoothly reciprocates that he probably needs someone more 'chill'. Ouch.
\- Over the next few months my brain packs it in. I'm not coping and I'm having obsessive thoughts.
\- He starts dating someone else. Yes, I stalked his social media.
\- I send him a long, angry text that basically calls him out on his shit behaviour, for not giving me a genuine reason for ending it. I don't say 'you used me for sex' - because I enjoyed it too - but I definitely feel disposable.
\-He doesn't respond. My friends, from the ivory tower of their smug relationships, are like 'that's tinder babe'.
\- I let him know I have severe depression. I don't know what I'm trying to achieve out of this beyond making him feel ashamed for pumping and dumping someone with a mental illness and then walking away as cool as you like.
\- I realise that I am The Crazy you're not supposed to stick you dick into.
1. Am I the asshole for sending angry texts six months later?
2. Am I the asshole for having expectations on tinder?
3. Am I an asshole for faking being mentally stronger and more resilient than I actually am, for fear of being - shock - needy. ie. having needs.
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: Tldr: I went out to dinner with two new people I was befriending who then started badmouthing my best friend. I didn't join in, but I didn't say anything in response because I was stuck with them for the rest of the night and didn't want to cause problems.
So, this happened years ago. I was leaving work and saw these two girls (I always refer to them as hitchhikers) sitting outside in the cold and I offered them a ride home. On the ride we ended up all chatting and we all kinda got along so we ended up getting food and hanging out a handful of times over the course of a couple weeks. Neither of them had vehicles so I always did the driving. Well one day we went to dinner and I don't remember how it came up, but shortly after we ordered my bestfriend was brought up and the hitchhikers just started talking really bad about her and saying some pretty rude stuff. I didn't join in or say she was my best friend. I didn't want to say anything about it because we still had food on the way and I was there ride home. I was stuck with them so I didn't want it to be awkward. I just waited for the subject to change and got on with the night.
After dinner I asked my bestfriend if she knew the hitchhikers and mentioned it to her.
She asked what I did and I said nothing and explained. She got really offended that I didn't defend her at all and felt 100% betrayed. That was the end of our friendship. I kept asking her if we could talk about it but she just kept saying there was nothing to talk about.
AITA?
[EX A]: | answerable
| 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given the task definition, example input & output, solve the new input case.
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Output: not answerable
Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
New input case for you: In late high school I made friends with a dude one year my senior. We were friends for a year, year and a half, maybe? The context of this friendship: I needed a reason to get out of my house and away from my borderline-abusive sister, and he needed some company as his family grew busy and were rarely home. Though we had little history, our relationship was cathartic, and we'd spew whatever the hell we had on our minds - basically, a lot of unfiltered thinking out loud, without fear of judgement. From the start, we agreed on one thing: we were both very inexperienced socially, had social anxiety, and in my case the question of high-functioning autism has been raised by several teachers and doctors. We were to be blunt and clear with each other, ask for clarification when we were confused. No hidden resentments, no unvoiced objections about the other's rant of the day, etc. No wondering if that tone was suggestive or not - we would ask, and we would know, and that was comforting to the both of us.
This also meant there was NO question about what we were. We were not romantically involved. Until the event I'll cover in a minute, I didn't think there was confusion even without our agreement to be blunt. In fact, this was the first non-asexual person to whom I outed myself as asexual. Whether or not me outing myself is relevant to what happened next, I am unsure.
We went to the drive-in movies one night. I didn't have a car or a license, so we went in his car. We left a little early to avoid the jam on the way out, and he told me he was out of gas. Like, he was driving on E all day. This is where shit got weird.
He wanted to go to the gas station near his house. His house was WELL out of town, and that gas station was maybe like the tenth on the list of ones closest to us. It struck me as odd, but I figured he might just have a coupon or membership or some other discount for that station, and since he'd paid for the tickets I didn't say anything about it. I don't remember if I offered then, but if it were to happen now, I'd offer to pay for the gas (and insist on a closer station). We get to that gas station and the outside lights are off, but the inside lights are on. We can't see any other cars in the lot. The gas station door sits wide open. He locks me in the car and goes in, and then rushes back out. There was no cashier, just someone in the back rifling through shelves. We got the fuck outta there and he said "There's this back highway by my mom's house, if we go down that for ten minutes we'll find a gas station there."
And I think, *there's no way in hell we're driving ten more minutes out of town*. If the gas ran out, we didn't need to be in the middle of nowhere (which - the town itself is just one tier above "middle of nowhere"). While I didn't have my license, I did have a learner's permit, and I knew the roads pretty well. I told him we were better off returning to the drive-in and stopping at a gas station near there.
From here, something in my gut was telling me something was *wrong*. He would not make eye contact with me. He was very intently focused on the road, which was unlike him. He really didn't want to go back into town, and he started giving me excuses for it: we could just stop at his one of his parents' houses until one of them came home (in three hours). We could still go to that other gas station he knew of. I chalked this up to nerves and insisted no, we need to get out of dark residential areas and onto lit streets, we need to be near town where we have multiple stations and tow options, we need to stay where there's wifi/phone signal, etc., and he agreed we should return to town.
2 minutes down the familiar highway into town, there's an intersection, and despite 1) agreeing to return to town and 2) him taking this route to school every day for the past 2 years, he is in the wrong lane when we pull up to the intersection. He tells me that there's a cop here and it's too late, he has to head down this other single-lane road that leads out into the prairie. And he doesn't say "I'll u-turn" or "I'll turn around", he says "We'll look down that way for a gas station." He wants to drive down that road.
But there *is no cop*, and I have no idea where that road goes, and this is where I realize that I might be in trouble. I am locked in, I am far too small to get the wheel away from him, and nobody knows we are out here. We weren't supposed to come this way, let alone down a road neither of us was familiar with. I cannot let him take that road.
I tell him to turn anyway, fuck the cop. There's nobody else out here at 2 in the morning. We're not hurting anyone. And I *yell* this. Loudly. Over halfway through the intersection, he turns, and we resume the road back into town.
From here, he continues to give excuses to get us off the main road. "I don't know this place", "this doesn't look familiar", etc. This is still the route he would have taken every weekday for the past two years. It's... literally just take this highway, the only four-lane highway, all the way to the high school, where you turn onto the main street. It's not a hard route. I drove it once before this and I knew where we were. I direct him to a gas station in the middle of town. It is well-lit, no robbery this time. While he's filling up I text my sister to tell her we're close to the house (my parents made her stay up and wait for me because last time I was out late, I got locked out of the house - I had no idea if she was actually waiting, though). When he gets back in the car, even though she hadn't responded yet, I told him she texted me asking where I was and that I told her we were on our way. My house was also quite a ways out of town, in the other direction - a route he was much less familiar with, but after hearing my sister was up and waiting, he had no more trouble navigating darker, smaller, more confusing streets to get to my house.
Once I'm safe, I write down what I remember happening for later reference and spend an hour calming down, then go to bed. And what followed was years of me wondering what the fuck happened. I cannot stress how bad my gut feeling had been that night. I am a forgiving person. I've forgiven and salvaged friendships from worse, believe it or not. But that night every ounce of trust I had in this dude *evaporated*. Every instinct I had was screaming *danger, danger*, to the point where I considered grabbing at the wheel anyway and forcing us off the road once we were a little closer to town and someone might stop to check on us. I almost did, at that isolated intersection with the invisible cop. Had his weird behavior been because of the robbery (which - I didn't realize until now, actually, that I never saw this robbery; I'm pretty sure he wasn't lying about what he saw inside b/c what I saw outside was also so strange), or had there actually been bad intentions? If it *was* bad intentions, how far had he planned to go, and what had stopped him until I'd had the chance to contact my sister? Not long after this happened, I wrote about the incident for a class. It was a private assignment, just read by the teacher, and I kept the kid's name out of it (this teacher didn't know him, anyway). The teacher said I was right to trust my gut. Years after, I have come to the following conclusion, the only one that reconciles the strange events of the night, my gut feeling, and who I knew this dude to be:
He had no bad intentions. He didn't go into it with a plan to put hands on me. I think what he wanted was for us to end up in a house or in the car alone with nothing else to do so he'd have a chance to make a move, set the mood, whatever you'd want to call it. I don't think he'd have touched me without consent. But it just... never crossed his mind that locking me in his car and trying to force us first to his house and then into the middle of nowhere without telling me why would be *terrifying*. It would breach our pact about being blunt, but we did have social anxiety, and maybe he took "asexual" to mean "straight but a little nervous" and decided a sideways approach was best. Maybe, once we were parked somewhere, he would have bluntly asked. But he never got farther than trying to set the stage, because of the robbery and my insistence we head back into town instead. I am very certain that this is what happened.
He didn't contact me for two months after that. He knew he'd done something wrong. After some time had passed (though - keep in mind I was still processing what happened, hadn't quite reached the above conclusion, still had no idea what he'd intended that night) he asked if I wanted to join him for lunch or something. I turned him down. I was terrified of the thought of being alone with him again. He invited himself to my graduation at the end of the school year, and I told my classmate - "Don't leave me alone with him." She didn't treat him badly or anything - in fact, they hung out with each other more than I did with either of them - but she followed my request without question. He rode with me and my mother to the ceremony and we exchanged a few words, but he spoke mostly to my mother. He was avoiding me, too.
I never addressed him directly about what happened, and that's where I wonder if I'm the asshole.
See, I was afraid to be alone with him, but this wasn't something I could ask him about in front of others. I could have texted, but every time I chickened out. It seemed like a conversation best had face-to-face, like texting would result in misunderstandings and reading with the wrong tone. If his answer was "No, I was just nervous," I don't think I would have believed him right away. And if his answer was "Yes, I wanted to get us alone toge
Output: | answerable | 1 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
You will be given a definition of a task first, then an example. Follow the example to solve a new instance of the task.
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Why? Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
New input: First off my sister is a bit crazy. I think she has some sociopathic tendencies. She one of those people that will do anything to make her self look better then you and she fights with and talks shit about everyone. For example she get arrested for drunk drive and blames the cops for catching her. She drank and smoked during her entire pregnancy and had my mother convinced to the doctor said she special and can do this with not effect on her first baby who is autistic. Anyway. She asked me when she found out she was pregnant. I only said yes so may mother wouldn't get upset. My youngest (3) and her newborn where both born on St Patrick's day, March 17. Things is she called the birth date nine months and actually said "there are no babies born in March." , and continued to act like my boy does not exist. To the point were she'll bump in to him and be like I just didn't him. It sounds crazy but I feel like she made it so she was induced to give birth that day and I just don't want her around me.
Solution: | not answerable | 0 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Teacher: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Teacher: Now, understand the problem? If you are still confused, see the following example:
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Reason: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Now, solve this instance: My cousin sister is really annoying sometimes. I recently lost all my friends, and it's a sensitive topic for me but she still does not stop talking about her friends despite knowing about it. She always wants things to go her way and is completely invading my space. I like being left alone but she just wouldn't give me space. She's ALWAYS there and I'm getting sick of it. Also, she gets too close and corny with my brothers, constantly touching them and calling their name even when they are angry or are screaming. She constantly keeps asking if we'll miss her when she goes away. I am kinda possessive when it comes to my brothers so I DO NOT like it when she follows my youngest brother everywhere he goes and is constantly trying to touch and hug him. It seems creepy in a way.
But she is also a single child, so I can't tell her to fuck off if she shows an affection too great towards my brothers. And her family agreed to extend their visit while my parents have gone out of town because my father needs a stent to be put in his artery. So am I the asshole for being annoyed by her? Because she is just too clingy and perky for my taste and she is constantly touching my brother. And she just goes all silent when things don't go her way.
Student: | not answerable | 2 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Q: Background Story:
I have not worked for a long time (3 years) because of the mental problems I experienced at the time
And lately the situation at home was not simple, and my relationship with my father was not always good
​
A few days ago, my uncle contacted me about the fact that he had to meet with me and talk to me about very important and urgent things (something unusual). I started to fear that the situation between the parents was not in the best condition, and I thought that maybe he was "preparing the ground" for something
When I got to the meeting he said he had asked my father what was happening with me and if I had a driver's license My father replied, "What are you talking about? He is not working for three years," and he decided to take me out of the situation I was in by arranging for me work and employment. (Which actually made me really angry about this whole thing) that he began to slip into very personal tracks that I think should not be asked by him but by my father (asked me about my sexuality, and if I was with a woman) And he also wanted to take me to an escort girl and get me a driver's license at his expense ... In short, he took me under his wing
And he said it would please my father by making me happy too
(My mental state in the recent period has improved and I feel that is already behind me and I am on my way to good things, and this irritated me even though it shows that my father does not know me and is not aware that the situation has improved)
The thing I was annoyed about was that my father was giving up trying to connect with me and / or help me in a certain way and the thing my dad might have sent him to get information about me instead of asking me directly
A: answerable
****
Q: So 3 of us (me, my ex, and my friend) go to the same class we are all 17 years old, and recently, my gf(I'll refer to her as N) and I broke up.It was mostly mutual, but i feel like she broke up with me more than i broke up with her and i still like her.
So it's been 4 months since we stopped dating and in that time i noticed my friend, who we'll call P, getting closer with her, which is fine it's okay for them to be friends i can't tell him or her who to be friends with.BUT here is where i see some red flags, from time to time i see him being flirty and getting closer to her, he spends time with her friends who he said he hates multiple times while i was with N and even after that.
Now i know N would never be with P, she pretty much looks at him like at a gay friend and i'm sure of it, i know things can change but i'm pretty sure she is just friends with him and will continue to be.But my friend seems like he likes her, i asked him a few times, and was told by him that my 2 other friends already told him to cut that stuff out because they thought it's not cool.What broke the camels back was him getting very close and touchy with her, she didn't reciprocate it and moved a little.Now that got me mad and i told him that if he continues with that stuff we couldn't be friends and asked him to cut it out, he got very defensive and kept saying he doesn't know what i'm talking about and that he is just her friend even tho it doesn't look like that to me or to 3-4 other friends.
Since then i haven't said a word to him, basically ignoring him.He didn't say anything either in last 5 days and continued talking to N, looks like this friendship means very little to him.I'm gonna talk it out with him if he says something first, but i'm not going to be the one to talk to him first cause i feel like i'm in the right here.
TL;DR:My friend of 2 years, started getting closer to my ex which who i broken up 3 months ago, both me and my friends noticed this and I talked to him about it, he got very defensive and i started ignoring him.Friends says i'm overreacting because we've been friend for 2 years which makes me think that *maybe* i'm the asshole, what do you guys think?
AITA?
A: answerable
****
Q: Hey guys so am i the ass hole for not wanting to communicate with my grand parents? My dad died when i was four years old and since then they have been in and out of my life but mostly out of it. In elementary school they made contact with me in 4th grade and would eat lunch with me without my moms permission or knowledge and while they never directly told me not to tell my mom, when i eventually did it was abundantly obvious what they did was not cool. Later the next year (i dont know why) my mom let me go to there house and church stuff and see a movie but later that year they basically didnt communicate with me for years except for the sporadic birthday card. In short they have been mostly not in my life and i have no emotional connection to them beyond some guilt for not wanting to talk to them. My grandfather recently had a brain bleed and almost died and since then they have been trying to communicate with me more now. Not to mention i have an amazing relationship with my grand parents on my moms side specifically my moms dad who has basically been a father figure my whole life. So am i the ass hole for just not wanting anything to do with them?
A: | not answerable
****
| 4 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
TASK DEFINITION: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
PROBLEM: Before you say something, hear me out.
Now this girl I started hanging out with seemed pretty interesting. We had similar hobbies and connected well
But she was in a relationship with a person for almost a year now. She told me a lot of private things about herself including that she's cheated before.
Now recently, whenever we hangout, she tried to get physically close to me. Her bf isn't home so we just chill. She rests her chin on my thighs and stuff life that.
Now she was supposed to get married to the guy. But lately they've been having a hard time and been fighting. I really didn't want to end up in the middle of them but one day while hanging out we drank a lot. One thing led to the other and now I feel like shit
I didn't want to do this and it was just bad judgement. She insisted on me getting more fucked up. I feel like I destroyed a relationship and I'm not even interested in her romantically. AITA?
SOLUTION: answerable
PROBLEM: This friend, we’ll call Alex, and I have always playfully made fun of each other. I’d call her ugly, she’d call me an idiot. We never did anything that would offend the other.
Later, we start debating about the technical definition of a stereotype. Our debates have never had a conclusive ending to them before, but for once, we finished. I won the argument, and she was speechless. I laughed it off and thought it was the end of it.
A little while later, I’m on my way to the trash can to finish up my water bottle and to throw it away. As I’m drinking it, she lifts the bottle so that it spills on me. I turn around, and try to spill the water on her. I completely miss. She laughs at me for missing. I wait until she’s behind me to do it again, and the bottle hits her in the face.
This infuriates Alex. She grabs me and doesn’t let go. She says she’s going to give me a swirly repeatedly. I try to push her off me and I keep trying to run away, but she drags me out of the cafeteria into the bathroom. I keep pushing away and trying to run, and she keeps pulling me against my will.
At this point, I have gotten out of her grip enough to where she is only holding onto my sweater. I rip the sweater off of me and sprint away while she tries to get the stall open. I left the sweater in her hand. When I get to my locker later in the day, my sweater is in there, soaking wet. She had soaked it in the bathroom.
She sarcastically apologized, and I unexpectedly started crying. I reported it to administration, and she screamed in face about being overdramatic. I personally believe that what I did was perfectly acceptable for the situation. I’m still shaken up from what happened, but I need an objective perspective.
AITA for reporting her?
SOLUTION: answerable
PROBLEM: This isn’t a particularly complex one.
My older brother constantly does things to intentionally piss me off and so I avoid doing stuff with him. My parents act like I’m the one being a dick in this situation despite acknowledging that my brother intentionally tries to piss me off. I don’t think I’m the asshole but my family seems to think otherwise, so am I the asshole?
SOLUTION: | not answerable
| 8 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[Q]: I (30M) made dinner plans with my ex wife (31F). She was going to be visiting the town I live in so I figured why not catch up if I had the time.
The day of the plans, my current gf (29F) starts to express her concern about how I’m choosing to spend time with someone who wasn’t very nice to me when I haven’t been paying that much attention to her. (It’s not the first time she’s brought up feeling unimportant and unappreciated. And my ex wife was a biiiiitch when we were together.)
My gf said she was uncomfortable and went to bed. I left to meet up with my ex, but on the drive, I started to feel like I had made a mistake. Like I was ignoring the pleas of my gf for intimacy and connection.
(Icing on the cake: I got a call from work saying they needed me. So I felt doubly like I should skip dinner plans.)
So I cancelled. I went home, had dinner with my girl, worked for a bit.
Now my ex wife is angry because we had those plans for a while and she was “really looking forward to it.” She feels like she came all this way for me only for me to flake.
But we are not very close friends. She wasn’t great in the past. I don’t know what I even gain from seeing her and I love my current gf more than anything.
Still. Cancelling last minute seems shitty too. AITA, Reddit?
TLDR - I cancelled long-term plans with my ex last minute to hang out with my current gf when she seemed uncomfortable. Now ex is upset.
[A]: not answerable
[Q]: I’ll try to keep this short and sweet. Me and my roomate, let’s call him Jorge, we’re hanging and playing games until my second roomate got home and asked to use the switch to purchase something.
I said sure, and pause the game to exit, and the game I paused instantly. I was like “oops” and went to pause it again and the same thing happened. Then I realized it was Jorge, so I just told home “Dude stop that” and he kept doing it. I said “Fine I can just do this”, and closed the game and handed the controller over to my other roomate.
I then proceeded to tell him :”Man I hate when people keep pressing buttons and shit when you’re telling them to stop and they just don’t and say they didn’t press anything”
At this point Jorge decided to freak: “I never fucking said I wasn’t pressing anything did I? Get over yourself dude “ and began to spit obscenities at me, which got me very frustrated and I reciprocated.
I just wanna know, did I do something wrong besides get mad that he was insulting me? I know that was uncalled for but it was just a defense mechanism.
He gives me a lot of crap and the moment he gets a little offended by anything he freaks, so give it to me straight, who’s the asshole?
[A]: answerable
[Q]: Now this has to do a lot with my parents past.
I (17m) life with my mother, my half brother (another father) and my full sister.
My parents had me when they were in their very early 20s. After my mun was pregnant with me, my dad said he wanted to teach me piano (he was a music teacher at a local school). My mum agreed. As soon as I was born, my dad showed his bad sides, gambling, drinking, smoking a lot. When I turned 5, he taught me to play the piano, well taught would be wrong, as he more or less beat the lessons into me. My mum didn't know about it as I didnt say anything. during the span of one year, he became more and more violent, hitting my mum and even attacking her with a knife once whilst drunk. My mum decided to leave him in a rush, for the sake of our safety. Now I don't know if this has to do anything with it, but I was a rough child. my mum had to give up a job, as she had to constantly go to the kindergarden or school, whenever I misbehaved (fighting and doing dumb shit). I got diagnosed with ADHD and my mum decided to resort to medicine (I don't blame her). It worked out and I behaved well. Fast forward a bit and I'm 14. We're on a vacation to see my dads parents who I haven't seen in 12 years (so never really). My dad was also there at that time with his new daughter, about 5 years old. I really liked her as she's been the kind of little sister I've always wanted. My little sister was never on good terms with me, dunno why tbh.
Fast forward 2 days and we're still there. A stupid family arguement breaks out with two sides. The agressive A-Holes including my father and his bitch sister who claimed that my cousin punched her son (she didn't) and the ones that wanted to talk, including all of my family, my cousin, my grandparents and some other cousins. My dad goes to attack one of the male cousins with a pipe which he blocks. fight ends as soon as my dads older brother arrives. He tells us to leave for our own safety (in a kind way, gave us money for a hotel) and apologised for his siblings behaviour. This incident was the last time I saw my dad.
I also need to add, that I am still playing piano and if it wasnt for me learning the piano, I wouldn't have got to known the most amazing person I've ever met, who made my life so much more joyable. I know that she would've wanted me to meet up with my dad as well. I'm grateful to my dad that he gave me this gift.
Now here comes the thing:
My mother has been badmouthing my dad forever, and tbh most of those things I would say sound like things he'd do. But I don't hold grudges against people, as life is simply to short for that. My mother on the other hand still hates him and I understand.
He contacted me and my sister in November 2018, if we wanted to meet up every two weeks again. My sister instantly said no. I don't blame her, She barely got to know this man, only a few times and he just jelled and had a pipe in his hand. I on the other hand agreed. Now I do have the right to see my dad and my mother or anyone else can't do anything against it. She got pissed at me for saying yes, calling me a "betrayer" (haven't heard that for the first time) and saying "do you know what I had to go through, do you know how much therapy I needed to get past his abuse?"
Well I said no but I still wanted to see him.
We somehow ended the arguement and left it open. My dad contacted me last week, saying he wanted to meet me. How'd he get my number? I didn't care. All I cared about was if he's the real guy. So I asked a couple of questions which he got right. He told me his wife got a second child after the first one and they want to meet their big brother. Now, he did contact my sister but she instantly blocked him. I didn't tell my mum. Instead I told we'd meet at a café and I'd bring along a friend. Time comes and we're at the meeting and talking about how things are. He invites us to his place and we meet the girls. They are lovely and I love both of them. The wife is also very kind and caring. I left with a positive attitude.
I went home and told my mum that "oh yeah, today I met up with dad"
she just asked " what do you mean" so I told hee the same thing I just told you guys. Shw gets furious, screaming at me that she told me not to do it and even if, I needed her permission.
The incident spread throughout the family in an hour and I got threats from different family members. One said he'd take away my laptop, console and piano (all things I paid for with my part time job money) to which I replied he can go ahead, as I wont back down about meeting him regularily. He took the laptop and the console. well I wanted to go to the police about it but my mum said she'd not file a complaint (I needed parental confirmation or some shit like wtf)
The piano stayed as my mum convinced her brother/my uncle to stop it).
I'm in this situation where I don't know what to do.
I understand my mothers worried actions, but she needs to understand how I feel too (which is always last priority in this family).
AITA, does ESH or is NTA?
[A]: | answerable
| 5 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Teacher: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Teacher: Now, understand the problem? If you are still confused, see the following example:
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Reason: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Now, solve this instance: My best friend (B) and I were at a thing that our church runs on Sunday evenings for high school students. Both of us are seniors. All names have been changed.
We get to church, we're all hanging out and laughing and having a good time, and B and Todd walk away to go talk, alone.
(For context, B had told me earlier that she needed to talk to Todd about something personal, and I was like okay? you do you boo. Harpago was less supportive and wanted her to talk to him about it instead, but every time she'd brought it up to him previously, he'd gotten angry and impossible to reason with.)
I did not see Todd and B walk away from our group. Seeing as both the guy I have a massive crush on and my very sick best friend have disappeared, I, understandably, panic.
Said panic gets worse when another guy we know, S, walks over and whispers something to Oliver, who immediately gets angry with him and tells him to stop trying to start rumors. I, already being wound up from Todd and B's disappearance, freak out even more and ask Oliver to tell me what S said to him.
Oliver explains angrily that S was trying to start a rumor that Todd and B were 'spooning' on the metal stairs outside and that they'd gotten caught and yelled at by a leader. I then start shaking and put my head in my hands, because B has had issues with one male leader in particular because she's dating Harpago, a known troublemaker. Now, I know that Todd and B would never do anything bad, but I do know that Todd is parked in the back lot by the metal stairs and that they might've gone to a Walmart up the street, which is something we do often.
I try to call B. No answer.
I send a text in my group chat with Todd and B. No answer.
I call Todd. Rings once, goes to voicemail.
I call B again. No answer.
I'm now on the verge of a panic attack- this is my closest friend and she's in pain, both mental and physical, and now she's missing, and so is the guy I like (who I am also close friends with). Oliver, Calvin, and Lily are all telling me that I'm overreacting and that everything is fine, but I can't calm down.
Later, Todd and B reappear, coming in through the doors that lead to the lobby area. I yeet over there and ask B if I can hug her (there's a story there), she says yes, I pull her into a bone-crushing hug and when I let go I give her a stern talking-to, choked up and with tears in my eyes. Todd explains that they've been in the lobby, and everybody goes back to hanging out as normal.
Later that night, I get a series of four texts from Harpago. He's berating me, telling me that B doesn't have to report her every move to me and that I need to 'stop being an asshole to her all the time' and that I'm 'not him when I am not there'. I'm thinking to myself, dude, that's really controlling, but because I was not doing well mentally, I just apologized and said it wouldn't happen again.
AITA?
Student: | answerable | 2 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
See one example below:
Problem: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Problem: Occasionally, Home office (different state) will reward certain locations with miscellaneous gifts for good performance. Recently, my office was eligible for such a reward.
​
Yesterday I received $30.00 in gift cards for a specific movie theater branch. Excited, I went to see what's playing. Turns out there is not an AMC movie theater branch within 150 miles of my location. I feel like we were "rewarded" for our hard work over the past few months with a gift card that we can't redeem, making it essentially worthless, and all because the higher ups did not even bother to check if it was possible to use these rewards.
​
AITA for complaining to local management?
Solution: | answerable | 4 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Q: My friend had a minor outpatient procedure and brings it up every time we hangout. At first I was accommodating and expressed my concerns, but after the 3rd and 4th time of listening to the same thing I've kinda tuned out. My friend is basically being a wimp and I'm tired of hearing about it. Am I being an ass?
A: not answerable
****
Q: Firstly I'm on mobile so sorry for the format and secondly they will probably be some spelling errors sorry.
Every year I get around 5-6 night outs a year so I tend use them sparingly.
Last night 3 of my friends (we'll call them F, K and JD) were hosting a party half way across the country from me so traveling was already a long process especially with British trains.
I get there and it's going well till one of my friends ( J) messages me, a few weeks ago her and another friend (E) had broken up but still lived together and E had taken Js sleeping bag that morning so she wouldnt come, bit of a dick move but ok we have spare blankets.
Then they arrive and all night E was glaring at J, she couldn't sit next to someone without an issue. The mood was ruined completely around 10 when E just stared verbally ripping into J making her run into a different room.
E explained her reason for it ( mainly it had been 3 weeks since they broke up, how dare J be 'cuddling' others in front of her, J wasn't of meant to come that night anyway, and Js aplogise for growing apart wasn't good enough) it was pretty tense and that's when someone from the other room (kat) came to get J a drink. And E forbid it! Saying J should only have coke becasue E didn't want her drinking.
I left the room and headed to the other, stressed as hell. I explain to K and F that E won't let Kat bring J some rum, J gets mad and tries to go sort it out. We stop her and then Kat comes in and passes just the coke then goes to get E some crisp BUT then J butts in to say E shouldnt be eatting if she's upset.
It was a shit show. Everyone was done
Later Kat threw up, K and JD had to clean it up. F was staring off into space. E was still going on about J and J was staying away.
We got Kat home and tried to calm everyone down. At around 3 I left K and F to sleep and headed for the couch where I found E, JD and JDs girlfriend still going on about the drama. I had to be up at 10 for a train. JD and her girlfriend have their own room. Only E is sleeping in the living room with me. I told them calmly I need to sleep, I had a train but they just kept going on and on.
At least use the hall way. JD went to bed at 4am, now pissed off because her girlfriend was more interested in E than helping her get J on the floor so she could get into her bed. J slept on the floor.
JDs girlfriend finally went to bed at 5am and I was livid. I turned off the light went to sleep and.... was woken up every hour by E sleep talking/crying.
Morning comes and I go to get dressed but the room my bags in is locked because K had a lecture. Ok. He'll be back in an hour to open the door I can just catch the next train I think.
F wakes up and opens it instead and the guy looks like hell. He didn't sleep well thanks to the stress.
I get dressed and decide I'll get the 1:41 train.. that doesn't happen
F gets dressed, K gets home. JD wakes up and E has been walking around for an hour.
Me, F, and K clean while E does jack shit. J gets up and also doesnt help. I need to leave now to catch my train but neither K or F can help me get to the train station till everyone is ready to go and time is ticking on.
I say at least 10 times that I need to leave. K and F also say the same but apparently YouTube is more important.
Finally F decides I should get a taxi to the station and say my good byes. Still pretty pissed off I bring up that I would of preferred no drama and a good amount of sleep and E and J go " dont look at use like that." In pure defence like I'm the one in the wrong so I tell them again that I very rarely have the time to go out which really upsets them and the others. I didn't say it in a cruel way all i said was "I came here to relax and hang out not deal with more unneeded stress. I also really need to leave"
I got on the train at almost 4. I won't get home till 7. My mother is end stage COPD and needs me there. I promised id get home early. They all know this.
I rang someone who couldn't make it to the party and told them why i angry and they said I should look at it from Es point of view more.
When I told them it looked like it could of turned violent and I was worried for Js safety I was told I shouldn't say that and I sound like a dick.
And then on the train I messaged K and asked if anyone was upset with what I said, he told me yes and
"I think everyone was annoyed and just doesn't really want to talk about it maybe?"
Now i feel like the asshole for being upset over everything.
Maybe I really should of took E perspective into account more? Maybe I shouldn't be so angry I'm getting home so late? Am I the asshole for speaking my mind in this case?
A: not answerable
****
Q: Title says it all. I'm so tired of my wife's constant whining about needing to get pregnant. I just want it to happen so she will stop it. It's become so suffocating that I wouldn't be excited about her pregnancy for the having a kid part, I would just be so glad to stop hearing her shit. AITA for becoming sick and tired of it?
A: | answerable
****
| 4 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
One example is below.
Q: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
A: not answerable
Rationale: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Q: I'm \[21F\] just beginning a career in film which I've wanted for a very long time. I aspire to be a film director.
A neighbor of ours, retired old film producer, is not quite friends with but certainly friendly acquaintances with Roman Polanski. He said he might be able to organize a meeting for me.
If you had asked me a year ago, I would have thought this horrible and morally corrupt. I mean, google Roman Polanski if you're unfamiliar with his charges. I've experienced a strange number of cases, growing up, of older men I trusted abusing their power with me (to various degrees of severity).
So much so, though, that in the past few months I've decided that I'd want to make a film about this.
And it's making me think, if a horrible person can help me get to a place where I'm "powerful" enough to tell an important story and affect the world in a positive way, is it not worth it?
I don't want to rationalize my way into a corrupt decision, but my thoughts are:
1. People meet with awful criminals all the time, without this meaning that they agree with their views or behaviour. Meeting someone does not mean you respect them, and things can be learned even from the worst war criminals.
2. I've thought about this analogy: a liberal young woman who dreams of becoming a politician so that she has the greatest chance of reaching a large number of people and affecting change on a large scale, somehow gets the opportunity to reach someone who might help her get there. Except, to do this, she must meet with Donald Trump and possibly get him to like her. Would we back this decision? I feel that I would.
Help me make the right choice!
A: | answerable | 9 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[Q]: Last year I attended a NYE party at my friends house, and this year he invited me and my new girlfriend. I accepted and asked my girlfriend if she'd like to come. She said no, and then questioned why I didn't spend NYE with her instead. She's Filipino and they have a lot of family NYE traditions. Now she's saying stuff like "it's good that you're spending the new years with people who make you happy," because I didn't cancel on my friends. I understand that when I first accepted (and knew the answer would likely be 'no') I didn't really take into consideration of what she'd like to do. So AITA?
[A]: not answerable
[Q]: I became friend with a girl from my same class in college about 6-7 months ago. But our friendship really took off when she had a breakup with her boyfriend and she needed someone with her. We use to just talk with each other but after sometime we started holding hands and slowly we did some other simple stuff too. But now she says she kinda has feelings for me and she thought that i also had feelings for her but i didn't and i was just kinda enjoying the physical thing between us. The bigger problem was when she started saying to me that she wants to marry me and i'm like i can't take these kind of decision so early. Also, she isn't the kind of person i'd want to marry so it was a no. But now she is upset from me because i was just in it for the physical stuff and had no feelings all along.
[A]: not answerable
[Q]: So I am a university which a large art program, there’s a lounge dedicated for people in the arts to chill out (watching T.V. and drawing and stuff). For some reason, there are a lot of people that will walk in, and look over your shoulder to see what you are drawing. I am generally an anxious and private person, I only like showing off pieces when they are finished. I also have a hard time with explaining what I’m drawing because seeing them behind me watching makes me jump and stutter. I don’t draw pornography or anything, I just personally don’t like people watching me draw.
But when I ask people to not look over my shoulder while I’m drawing, they usually look confused and hurt. Sometimes I can sound very firm when I ask them to stop looking over my shoulder.
I’m not one of those people that assumes that people are watching me when they aren’t actually, I usually don’t notice unless someone explicitly asks me what im drawing or leans over my shoulder.
Am I the asshole when I ask people to not watch me draw? Should I just take it and try my best to answer whatever questions they have?
[A]: | answerable
| 5 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
--------
Question: So recently it seems as if nothing I do or accomplish means anything to my gf. I recently underwent a procedure that she definitely knew about. We had talked about it a bunch. It wasn’t t anything serious but she hasn’t reached out at all. This is just one example. AITA for feeling hurt and unappreciated or am I overreacting? If I’m not how can I confront her without seeming like a pretentious prick?
Answer: not answerable
Question: I've just broken up with my partner. We have a young child together. Honestly, I can say that I did many things wrong in the relationship, made a few mistakes. Never cheated or assaulted her at all, just some fuckups that became clear to my with time. All in all the relationship ended last September, but only just realised now that I can't win her back. During this time I managed to win her back, move back in with her and my son, to then make a mistake and be thrown out again. So I own the place where we both work. It's soley in my name as it was my business. She has helped out, worked with me and my intention was always to make it our business by getting her name on the place too. Well, after all of this happening, she has walked out once on the business before and left me in the shit so to speak, had to employ someone else to take over her role within the company. I moved out, into my friends unoccupied house, then into my own flat. After realising that I can't do everything, I couldn't pay for myself, for my employee, for all her rent, food, bills and all my sons needs, I asked her to come back and work with me. During this time she was working a job that she earnt little to no money and couldn't cover basic needs.
​
She comes back to work with me, we manage to make the business stable. I let her take over the finances to which I don't think she did a good enough job of. Unfortunately, I can't get back with her, her decision was made a long time ago, and I had been living with a hope, that some day, maybe it could work. After not really knowing how to approach anything with her, still kinda thinking we could at least do things as a family, which I was wrong to presume. I had a really bad day where I couldn't even function properly, asked her if I could stay at hers and talk and go through some things, which we kind of did. She bascially turnt around at the end and said I can't do this anymore, that she doesnt feel like she can do this and that she doesn't want to be near me.
​
If I don't put her name on the business, she will likely leave her position, go back to not working enough and thengod knows what will happen. I care for this woman, she is the love of my life, she is the mother of my our son. She has no one here, no family, no friends. I was the only one and I am the only one who knows her truely. AITA for thinking that I shouldn't put her name on it, take my car back(which i've let her been using for 4 months), take my laptop back(which we had been sharing but it was more 80%/20% in her favour), have a relationship with my son and forget about her and let her get on with things? Maybe she will do it well, maybe she won't. I really don't know what to think
Answer: answerable
Question: I’ve asked my girlfriend multiple times if she’d like to go to prom. But she’s seems to not want to go. Okay that’s fine with me, so now I’m thinking of just asking a friend to go with me. Am I the asshole ?
Answer: | not answerable
| 7 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Part 1. Definition
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Part 2. Example
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Answer: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Part 3. Exercise
Its just a short one, some of my friends are true pushovers, I think they live in the fetal position at all times. Am I an asshole for getting wound up at that? I vent at my girlfriend alot and she tells me to just get over it, but I cant. Don't know what it is but I feel the need to shake them and wake them up when they do it. I don't want to go into specifics, just in general is my question I guess.
This post is quite rambly because I'm wound up at the moment haha, my girlfriend thinks it's a problem. Would this annoy you?
Answer: | not answerable | 7 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Let me give you an example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
The answer to this example can be: not answerable
Here is why: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
OK. solve this:
I was in a relationship with my ex for 8 months when I met “Kyle”. Kyle was a mutual friend of my ex and we quickly became friends. I realized that Kyle and I shared a lot of interests and humor when we would hangout in group settings (my ex included). The more time I spent with him the more I realized I wasn’t a match with my ex. I changed myself for my ex and I was pretending to be someone I wasn’t just for the sake of being compatible. I felt way more comfortable with Kyle in the few weeks I knew him than I did with my (ex) BF of 8 months. I ended up breaking things off with my ex because I knew things wouldn’t be going anywhere especially after developing feelings so easily for someone else. I am now in an amazing relationship with Kyle and my friends and and family all adore him.
The breakup has caused a rift in our friend group and all my ex’s friends have branded me an emotional cheater and assume that I left my ex just to be with Kyle. The more I got to know Kyle, the more I realize how unhappy I was with my ex, does that make me the asshole and the emotional cheater everyone assumes I am? Was this an emotional affair? Am I just trying to rationalize my wrongdoing? Any feedback would help!
Answer: | answerable | 8 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Example solution: not answerable
Example explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Problem: Here's the situation, I'm a 14 year old in 8th grade, and It's after school, me and my friends walk in our usual routine, There are 3 other friends walking with me, Kent, Tyler, and Terry. Me and Kent talk about Terry, I bring up the time we said Terry had no neck (Terry is fat), Terry overhears. I need to do some more explaining for this, we're all part of a group of 9 or so friends who poke fun at each others, and others flaws, none of us take it seriously, it's just teasing, but, we always make sure we have the friend hear what we say, as we don't like to talk shit behind backs. Lots of times, there is some friendly roughhousing involved like piling on top of each other, or tackling one another, etc.. We each try not to cause harm, and if we do, it's purely accidental, as when we go too far, we make sure to ask if they're okay, or if they know it's just a joke. we apologise to each other if we know we went far. As I was saying, I say Terry has no neck, Terry started Hitting Kent's backpack with a stick as a joke Kent told Terry I said it, and started hitting my backpack as a joke, and hit my upper leg with the stick lightly. My mom picks me up at this spot, Terry and I laugh it out, but my mom See's this. as I get in the car with Terry (as he needed a ride) my mom tells Terry, "Don't do what you don't want other's to do to you" in Spanish. Terry does not understand Spanish, but Kent most likely does. As I walked into the car, Tyler Tells me what is going on. as a teen, I don't like other's standing up for me, I'm 14, not 5, we know the boundaries. I tell my mom, it was a joke, hoping for her to understand. Instead she and I have an argument where I try to explain my side. This goes on with how you expect it to, my mom argues that I can't let myself Be taken "bullied" of like that, while I tell her it was a joke, while Tyler is next to me is laughing quietly. After Tyler leaves at his house, me and Mom argue worse than before, since Tyler left, I was able to say things to my mom like, "I hate it when you think I'm five" and she would talk about how "Tyler should have heard this to know that you're not comfortable with being pushed around" I'm pretty mad at this, because I know that it's pure jokes (it's really just jokes). This goes on and on, She treats my argument Like a joke, so when I brought up points like how when Kent sprayed ketchup on me on accident, he apologized. all she replied with was "Uh huh" and never acknowledged it, but It was just an accident. Even worse is my dad told me that it would escalate from accident, into a fight. I explained the generosity of my friends, and how they say sorry, he said that's a lie. We argued, I tried being serious to my mom about it, by telling her I'm not a child anymore. she didn't take me seriously. They think I can't defend myself at all, although they're just trying to protect me. Am I the Asshole?
| Solution: answerable | 5 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
You will be given a definition of a task first, then an example. Follow the example to solve a new instance of the task.
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Why? Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
New input: For the sake of privacy, I'll name my friend Ryan and the girl Jen.
So, it started when we entered 12th grade. we had a reshuffle and OP, Ryan and jen and we became classmates. Me and ryan are close friends since Grade 11, because of a certain game we play. when we had some people join our friend group and Ryan met jen. Ryan pretty obviously liked jen, but he didn't make any moves and jen thinks they are only friends, and ryan seems to be okay with it. I even asked him if he likes her but he quickly changes the topic. Then on Feb 14th, valentines day, i asked her out for a friendly date, and she agreed. It was only a friendly date, after school, but Ryan saw us and he was furious because we said we were going home but we instead, had a date. It was only a friendly date, but ryan seems to not understand it, and not believing me because i sent love letters & stuff. I got mad, because he acts like they had a relationship, but in reality they are only friends. we still don't talk to each other to this date.
Solution: | answerable | 0 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
instruction:
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
question:
So I was messaging my girlfriend and we were just messing around joking when she sends me a pic of her with her friend. I go into the chat and after the pic she said she’s hot. I said no, she responded yes, I said no again. She asked why. I said “I don’t find her attractive,” trying to not be mean and just say she’s ugly. My girlfriend got upset by this. ATIA?
answer:
answerable
question:
I have a friend who is a 16 year old girl who goes to church with me. One day she excitingly texted me about how she bought a "really cute sundress" with sunflowers on it.
Flash forward to this past Sunday, when she wore that dress. It was a very flattering dress on her, but it wasn't overly sexual. It covered up everything that needed to be covered up and it went down to her knees. She told me that her dad made some really rude remarks about how short the dress was before they went to church. Saying that it showed too much up top and down low.
After church she texted me extremely upset because apparently someone complained to her parents that her dress was too short. Her father went as far to say that some of the comments he heard made him feel “embarrassed." She said that basically the entire way home, they scolded her for how short her dress was.
I told her it was bullshit. That she could wear whatever she wanted to. That she shouldn’t be shamed for what she wore and that her parents were wrong for getting embarrassed about those "comments" and that whoever complained to them was a "f\*cking idiot" so on and so forth. I even went as far as calling her parents inappropriate names. I used a lot of words I really should not have said, but these comments really upset me. I have a sister and know that if someone ever commented negatively on her outfit, it would really trouble her.
Last night, I got a text from said friend reading "well this is discouraging” and then a long text basically saying "She is 16 and can not wear whatever she feels like if it is revealing. Modesty and purity are extremely important to us and and I am extremely disappointed in this whole conversation." Her mother took her phone, read our messages, and texted me on her phone.
I was taken back, and didn't want to cause anymore drama so I just told her that I was sorry and was trying to stand up for her.
She responded with another long text saying how she wants to protect her from "pervs and anyone else that would want to take advantage of someone so pretty and awesome" and then said that her and I would speak more later.
I've been struggling with this all day because I've had friends tell me IWTA because I overstepped my bounds by telling her that she could wear whatever she wanted and that people were idiotic to complain about it. I know I used language I shouldn't but I was just infuriated at the whole situation.
answer:
answerable
question:
AITA for this? This relationship was over a year ago at this point; but sometimes this question still bothers me. At one point my ex did have my password but I changed it after she blew up after a misunderstanding and refused to accept my apologies for multiple days afterwards despite admitting she knew I did nothing wrong. The misunderstanding was her accusing me of cheating after she saw me calling a female friend gorgeous. I reasoned with her saying it makes no sense for her to keep me from complimenting friends platonically (even female) considering she was bisexual and also complimented her friends. She agreed with this logic and I suggested until she minds that less maybe she should stay off my Facebook. I triple checked this was OK with her and she continued to agree. After this she continuously attempted to look over my shoulder or get my password in other ways; I continued to tell her all she had to do was ask for it back. I figured if we wanted to avoid drama she should wait until she's honest about herself being OK with me giving platonic compliments towards friends. She could've asked to look at my phone or even for my password any time she wanted and I would've let her at that second. I don't/didn't have shit to hide; I just knew it would cause drama if anything threw her off. AITA?
answer:
| answerable
| 9 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
Q: So 3 of us (me, my ex, and my friend) go to the same class we are all 17 years old, and recently, my gf(I'll refer to her as N) and I broke up.It was mostly mutual, but i feel like she broke up with me more than i broke up with her and i still like her.
So it's been 4 months since we stopped dating and in that time i noticed my friend, who we'll call P, getting closer with her, which is fine it's okay for them to be friends i can't tell him or her who to be friends with.BUT here is where i see some red flags, from time to time i see him being flirty and getting closer to her, he spends time with her friends who he said he hates multiple times while i was with N and even after that.
Now i know N would never be with P, she pretty much looks at him like at a gay friend and i'm sure of it, i know things can change but i'm pretty sure she is just friends with him and will continue to be.But my friend seems like he likes her, i asked him a few times, and was told by him that my 2 other friends already told him to cut that stuff out because they thought it's not cool.What broke the camels back was him getting very close and touchy with her, she didn't reciprocate it and moved a little.Now that got me mad and i told him that if he continues with that stuff we couldn't be friends and asked him to cut it out, he got very defensive and kept saying he doesn't know what i'm talking about and that he is just her friend even tho it doesn't look like that to me or to 3-4 other friends.
Since then i haven't said a word to him, basically ignoring him.He didn't say anything either in last 5 days and continued talking to N, looks like this friendship means very little to him.I'm gonna talk it out with him if he says something first, but i'm not going to be the one to talk to him first cause i feel like i'm in the right here.
TL;DR:My friend of 2 years, started getting closer to my ex which who i broken up 3 months ago, both me and my friends noticed this and I talked to him about it, he got very defensive and i started ignoring him.Friends says i'm overreacting because we've been friend for 2 years which makes me think that *maybe* i'm the asshole, what do you guys think?
AITA?
A: answerable
****
Q: Hey everyone, I mostly need to vent, but please smite me with your judgement if you feel like it.
​
**Let's start with some background.**
I am a freelance game developer with multiple years of experience, and I work full-time on my own projects. I have a friend, who currently studies VR and UX design in uni, let's call him M. He has a girlfriend, who is a first-year gamedev student, let's call her L. L and M are also artists, kind of. We are all about the same age, around 20. I also want to emphasise that 'friend's GF' is not necessarily equal to 'my friend' in this case.
L has a task for this semester - to make a game trailer. She decided that she doesn't want to throw away (???) the idea and the art after she completes the task, and wants to make a game. Us three have agreed to team up and work together. Now, this is important: during the initial meetup, L said things like "this is **my** project" and "**I** have the rights for this idea". I explicitly said that since this is her project, she will be responsible for the workflow and design, and I will only code and build. This will be a good practice for her, and the game is very simple, so this shouldn't be a big problem. We all agreed on that.
I'm not going to go into the details, I'll just say that it's a simple mobile game. I also want to clarify that the basic workflow of making a game is as follows: take the idea you want to work on, make a game design document, make a prototype, refine, test, deploy (repeat 4 and 5 if necessary). It is generally considered a bad practice to freestyle things and work on later stages before the earlier stages. E.g. you make the music and high-quality models for the game, and then end up not using anything because the game gets reworked six times in prototyping.
So the next thing I talk about on this meeting is the GDD and the importance of making design choices in the beginning. I also mention multiple times that I, as a person who builds everything, need to know what needs to be done and how it should look/feel/work before I start working on the prototype. I ask her if she can compile everything into a single document as she did before, and advice her to use google and ask her teachers if she struggles with something.
This spring, L was making a project for her university entrance exam. The task was to basically design a game. This is important since she was capable of making a design document and other necessary things to show off and describe a game idea, therefore she knows what to do and how to do it. She periodically asked for help, and I helped where I could, without getting too involved, since this was her exam, not mine. Before that, I helped other people with their projects and ideas, all for free (there is a certain tendency here).
This time, I expected to be able to finally work as a part of the team. Not to do everything myself, not babysit everyone, just do my part and make a game. Oh boy. Was I ever as fucking wrong as this time. I mean, what can be easier than writing a few pages explaining the basic ideas? Core and meta, how to monetize, how should the menu look, what SFX and VFX we might need. The answer is, many things, but making a design document is not the most difficult part of making a game. Mind that is is also not final, you can and have to make changes to the GDD, but it's oh so difficult to work without it.
We "started" two months ago. L tried to make me write this thing a few times, and I kept sending her to google things and/or ask her teachers. She also kept feeding me with small, random, unstructured blobs of information, maybe hoping that I will compile them myself. I was close to doing this myself a few times but kept reminding myself that this time, I'm not the designer, she is the designer. Therefore, I was patiently waiting for her to write a three-page document. For two months. Last week I received two paragraphs with no useful info and replied that this isn't enough.
I might have skipped a few details, I hope that it's nothing important, if you need clarification - please comment.
​
**Now the real story finally begins.**
This part will be biased since I'm still rather angry. I'm honestly trying to be objective, but it's hard.
After our last dialogue, I was afk for a few days. I had stuff to do, personal stuff, and I honestly think I have a right to do my stuff whenever I want to. So, I return, power on the station, and get quite a shitpost from L *in our work chat,* that is supposed to be used for concept art, file sharing, and discussion. Anyways.
I come back, and send her one of my own old design documents *as an example*. Why should I even do this, literally google this, please, it takes 3 minutes, and you have a whole faculty full of gamedevs! L responds, saying that it's my fault that she couldn't use google for two months, because "if only I sent her the file a week ago she would've done everything earlier". And she just keeps on fucking going on about how "nobody is doing anything" and "you only do the code while I do everything else" and "it's such a shame that my amazing idea is getting lost because of you all", and the best one is "you are not helping me do my job". I get it, you're a student, but I'm not supposed to teach you how to make games. I agreed to work for free. I think this is kind of enough of an investment.
Regarding the code and stuff, it's a valid point, kind of. But we agreed on this initially, didn't we? Like, not taking into the account that code+build is 50% of the job, so it's a bit impolite to say this anyway.
And here comes the fun part. She says, "this is OUR game, it will only be MY game when I finish studying". I'm honestly kind of taken aback by this. So, like, it's your game while it's easy, and then suddenly it's our game? What is this, some sort of conditional communism? Flip the switch and you're the boss, flip again and it's our job? So I'm confused and I ask her to calm down and tell her that if this load is too difficult for her, it might be a bad idea to continue studying/working in this field since it's only downhill from here (speaking from personal experience).
Now, my opinion is that this is bullcrap. You can't call yourself the boss and then just shrug it off as soon as you have to do something. You also can't really say that you don't want to be the boss but keep talking shit. So I breathe in, breathe out, and logically explain to her that this is just workflow. You can't expect to get things done if you don't do them properly, and I have told her on multiple occasions what is the correct approach to this task. That I understand that this is difficult, that she also has to study, and maybe it wasn't the best idea to make a game at this point in time. If writing a small document is so difficult, maybe it's just not your thing, right? Fucken, wrong.
And the shitstorm begins. If previously, the shit was just dripping from the ceiling fan, now the pipes of shit have burst full and wide, and the pressure is beyond imaginable. It's like Nurgle himself has arrived in our chat. "You are lazy. You are a cunt. You don't do your job. You are not helping me. Oh, I'm just a beginner, and *this* is your motivational speech for me. Oh, I was hoping that you would do everything for me. You are acting so smug and grown up, why don't you guide me." You get the point.
Should I spend my own time teaching and guiding a (basically) random person, because I know how to? Should I do L's job for her? Should I maybe do everything for her? Should I wipe her ass every time she takes a shit? Greatest minds of millennia still don't have answers to these questions. Keep in mind, M isn't really saying anything in this situation, and I understand that he is kind of between a rock and a hard place, and I don't blame him. I also want to point out that I haven't dropped the project yet, and I'm still waiting for the bloody design document.
I personally feel like I should rush and help, as I always do, "Take the wheel, Kuro!" But I am so fucking tired. I help my friends and family because they are friends and family. I help my other half because she is my light and shadow. But I'm not there like a robot to complete requests from random people on a daily basis. I used to be stuck in this trap for a long time, doing things other people didn't want to do themselves, just because I can. Now I find it toxic, and I think it impairs personal growth and development in others. Am I the asshole?
I might have missed things, but the general story is here. The post turned out to be twice as long as I expected it to be. I also might be completely wrong in my opinion that you're not supposed to talk shit to your coworkers, especially if they are working for free. I raise my glass to all of you who have finished reading.
​
**tl;dr** A person decided to jump over their head, I refused to do their work, got shit-talked and advised them to change the field of study, while it's not too late.
A: answerable
****
Q: For the sake of privacy, I'll name my friend Ryan and the girl Jen.
So, it started when we entered 12th grade. we had a reshuffle and OP, Ryan and jen and we became classmates. Me and ryan are close friends since Grade 11, because of a certain game we play. when we had some people join our friend group and Ryan met jen. Ryan pretty obviously liked jen, but he didn't make any moves and jen thinks they are only friends, and ryan seems to be okay with it. I even asked him if he likes her but he quickly changes the topic. Then on Feb 14th, valentines day, i asked her out for a friendly date, and she agreed. It was only a friendly date, after school, but Ryan saw us and he was furious because we said we were going home but we instead, had a date. It was only a friendly date, but ryan seems to not understand it, and not believing me because i sent love letters & stuff. I got mad, because he acts like they had a relationship, but in reality they are only friends. we still don't talk to each other to this date.
A: | answerable
****
| 4 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
One example: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution is here: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Now, solve this: So a little context,
My fathers health has been declining since last year. Last June we moved everything over into a trust and got his will in order, and set up a full power of attorney for me. We put me as a co trustee so I can add things too it and manage it should the need arise. I took full control of his finances and accounts. In September he had a stroke and this exacerbated things with his health even more so.
He is currently bed bound un able to walk but still has his mind and wits about him, even though he’s a little slower.
We always had a family plan and he paid for my grandmas phone bill also, but I always paid him for my portion. Through the years he’s given me several small loans for things, and we had a book to keep track of it. I always paid it down and kept up to date with it. Closer to me taking over his finances and basically entire life, he wasn’t tracking things as much or not really worried about me paying him right away or anything.
I switched the phone account into my name so I could make necessary changes but kept the bill to his account. Since taking over I haven’t paid it back in several months, but keep diligent track of all other transactions.
I set him up on state disability, social security, take care of all his insurance issues, found him an assisted living place, and am currently getting his house ready to rent (insane amount of work) so he has more income coming in when disability runs out. I brought my roommates over to help clean out his house and took them out to dinner and paid with his card to say thanks.
Here’s the AITA part. I’m doing all I can for my dad, and have his best interests in mind, but I also don’t want to take advantage of the situation. He’s absolutely fine on money and did a great job setting himself up for retirement, but I’m also not trying to feel entitled because it’s his money, not mine. I asked my mom about it and she said I shouldn’t worry cause I’ve already saved him a ton of money anyway and it’s a “cost of doing business” type of thing. But I’m not sure if it’s a bias with me being her kid.
Added info, mom and dad are separated but still good friends, also am an only child.
TLDR: Haven’t paid back my dad for phone bill, but have complete POA and am helping him out with his entire life.
Edit: talked with him about it. Go figure, the simplest conclusion didn’t cross my mind.
He said not to worry about it and to keep my conscience guilt free.
Solution: | answerable | 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
[EX Q]: Within my group of friends, there is one girl who's name is Blue and two other gentlemen by the name of Gray and Green. We all live scattered around the U.S. and Britain, so online communication is primarily online. Green and Blue used to be in some form of long distance relationship, but are not any longer and largely just friends as far as I'm aware. Gray and Blue are apparently close now, to the point where Gray goes off unhinged whenever Blue is upset in any way.
Over the course of the summer, my friendship had been deteriorating with Blue and Gray slowly. Some of the things were how I was apparently sexist for questioning Blue, how I was apparently obsessed with her for naming something after her, and apparently not knowing she was upset. It escalated into arguments where they would both team up against me, because they don't want to even consider my words. No one ever went out of the way to tell me something was wrong, and instead waited until the next day to tell me. I felt ashamed and disrespected because of it. They then slowly started implementing new things to not get me to act up, which only infuriated me more and more until it somehow got decided that not telling me anything at all about problems was for the best. It got to the point where college started back up for me and I couldn't hang out on a frequent basis anymore.
What happened a few days ago is that something happened between all three of them. I don't know if Green exploded onto Blue about still having feelings, if Blue realized she had feelings for Green still, or if Gray decided to rage about. I don't know because no one will tell me anything. All I know is that Blue's upset, because she's offline and because Gray is raging. She has refused to respond to any of my messages for the last couple of days, checking in to see if she's okay. Gray is obsessed with saying that it doesn't concern me, that I'm only doing it because 'I desire her'. I do have a crush on her, but she's a good friend of mine that's in trouble and if somethings happening I want to know what it is and calm this paranoia running through my head. Do they feel so indifferent about me that they'll leave me in the dark and let my worries eat me inside? She doesn't even talk much to me anymore, mostly just to Gray or Green. I hate not knowing what is going on, why everyone suddenly gets upset, goes offline, refuses to talk to me or anything at all. I'm wondering what I should even do anymore.
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: He told me today he wanted all my passwords to social media “just to take a look” which I felt like was a huge invasion of privacy. I told him I have no problem showing you if for some reason you want to see something but giving all my passwords was too much. Yes, we are in a relationship and don’t/shouldn’t have secrets, but am I not entitled to that small amount of privacy, even if I’m not hiding anything?
He’s done many questionable things in our past to break my trust but moving forward in our relationship i basically let it all go once I felt comfortable. I figured I wanted to be with this person so all I could do was trust he wouldn’t make the same mistakes and move on. Now, I know his passwords. Not because I asked for them, though. For 1) he uses practically the same password for lots of things and 2) he has asked me to log into —— to find something or do something. I don’t snoop. I made it a point not to because I feel like that’s unhealthy. I don’t want to become obsessed with know what he’s doing or who he’s talking to, etc. I give him his privacy.
After explaining it was an invasion of my privacy, he managed to turn it around and call me “sketchy”, not understanding at all where I am coming from. I’m so incredibly hurt by this & we’ve gotten into a huge argument over it. He is pushing his insecurities into me & I feel like it’s not fair to me since I am so trusting to him despite his lies in the past but that trust is not being reciprocated.
Please, AITA? Am I playing victim or taking it too far??
[EX A]: answerable
[EX Q]: So a little context,
My fathers health has been declining since last year. Last June we moved everything over into a trust and got his will in order, and set up a full power of attorney for me. We put me as a co trustee so I can add things too it and manage it should the need arise. I took full control of his finances and accounts. In September he had a stroke and this exacerbated things with his health even more so.
He is currently bed bound un able to walk but still has his mind and wits about him, even though he’s a little slower.
We always had a family plan and he paid for my grandmas phone bill also, but I always paid him for my portion. Through the years he’s given me several small loans for things, and we had a book to keep track of it. I always paid it down and kept up to date with it. Closer to me taking over his finances and basically entire life, he wasn’t tracking things as much or not really worried about me paying him right away or anything.
I switched the phone account into my name so I could make necessary changes but kept the bill to his account. Since taking over I haven’t paid it back in several months, but keep diligent track of all other transactions.
I set him up on state disability, social security, take care of all his insurance issues, found him an assisted living place, and am currently getting his house ready to rent (insane amount of work) so he has more income coming in when disability runs out. I brought my roommates over to help clean out his house and took them out to dinner and paid with his card to say thanks.
Here’s the AITA part. I’m doing all I can for my dad, and have his best interests in mind, but I also don’t want to take advantage of the situation. He’s absolutely fine on money and did a great job setting himself up for retirement, but I’m also not trying to feel entitled because it’s his money, not mine. I asked my mom about it and she said I shouldn’t worry cause I’ve already saved him a ton of money anyway and it’s a “cost of doing business” type of thing. But I’m not sure if it’s a bias with me being her kid.
Added info, mom and dad are separated but still good friends, also am an only child.
TLDR: Haven’t paid back my dad for phone bill, but have complete POA and am helping him out with his entire life.
Edit: talked with him about it. Go figure, the simplest conclusion didn’t cross my mind.
He said not to worry about it and to keep my conscience guilt free.
[EX A]: | answerable
| 6 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
Detailed Instructions: Given a real-life anecdote of a complex ethical situation, judge whether or not a specific person is wrong here. Answer 'not answerable' if more information is required and 'answerable' if all the information is sufficient to answer who is wrong in this situation.
See one example below:
Problem: So on one hand I don't think it's the best thing but at the same time it's led her to talking about how she cut(s) herself and a kid who told her to shoot herself which she wouldn't have talked about otherwise.
Solution: not answerable
Explanation: Here there is no information about how severe the situation was or what was her reaction after telling this to the author. We also do not know whether she told this on purpose or not. More information is needed to determine who is at fault here.
Problem: We usually end up In arguments when we talk on the phone for too long and I also needed to get started on my homework so I told her that we should hang up because we had both agreed if the conversation was going on for too long we should end it before we had an argument. Let's just say she was not happy and we got into an argument that I didn't want to be apart of so I just started doing work while she hurled insults.
One just stuck when she said she hated my ugly nose so I hung up. She then started texting me calling me a horrible person and a dick I said I wasn't the one who said they hated my ugly nose she then tried to call me 8 times on WhatsApp and 6 times on the phone while sending me text saying it was a misunderstanding
I reminded her that this wasn't the first time she called me an awkward fuck a few days ago and I said for an outsider looking in this looks like a very unhealthy relationship
I told her I would call her in an hour
I cant do any work so AITA
Also sorry about grammar and spelling am using mobile
Solution: | answerable | 4 | NIv2 | task503_scruples_anecdotes_isanswerable | fs_opt |
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