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976
Hi @USER not a single vote was polled in 3 polling stations of Kulgam #Kashmir & im tuned into @USER $playful$ thnx #sarcasm #KashmirBoycotts
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hi user not a single vote was polled in 3 polling stations of kulgam kashmir im tuned into user playful thnx sarcasm kashmirboycotts
3,984
people that start construction work before 9am on a sunday need to just fuck off and die thanks
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people that start construction work before 9am on a sunday need to just fuck off and die thanks
4,205
Publicity whores.. HTTPURL
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publicity whores . httpurl
613
For the first time my outfit doesn't have black in it. Proud of myself.
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for the first time my outfit doesnt have black in it . proud of myself .
1,279
The pure #reality of #sarcasm. HTTPURL
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the pure reality of sarcasm . httpurl
1,969
The #irony of how worst films become must see #films: HTTPURL
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the irony of how worst films become must see films httpurl
3,471
That one time I didn't feel in over my head. #sarcasm
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that one time i didnt feel in over my head . sarcasm
801
@USER FUT14 ofc, the corners <3__<3 they where faantastic #sarcasm
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user fut14 ofc the corners 33 they where faantastic sarcasm
4,863
Paula Deen probably make some good food.. She could cook for me if she needs a new job..
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paula deen probably make some good food . she could cook for me if she needs a new job .
1,295
It was almost 70 degrees today but no, global warming doesn't exist :unamused_face:
1
Global warming is why it is 70 degrees outside
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it was almost 70 degrees today but no global warming doesnt exist unamusedface
373
That’s it, I’m supporting Brentford from now on. (And I want the crying old gent in the crowd as my bestie)
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thats it im supporting brentford from now on . and i want the crying old gent in the crowd as my bestie
4,665
@USER @USER Well, illegal immigrants categorically don’t get money from the government but why let a little thing like facts get in the way of a good bit of xenophobia..
1
I'd end the sentence by saying "but your xenophobia means that you have ignored the facts".
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user user well illegal immigrants categorically dont get money from the government but why let a little thing like facts get in the way of a good bit of xenophobia .
4,074
Nice to see Dwight yorke being his normal impartial self as usual #villalovein #sarcasm #AstLei #lcfc
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nice to see dwight yorke being his normal impartial self as usual villalovein sarcasm astlei lcfc
1,664
Replace Pelosi #Nancy
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replace pelosi nancy
858
Everyones full of ruddy xmas cheer here #Not
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everyones full of ruddy xmas cheer here not
905
@USER So Monday it is ,tickets on general sale for boxing day.thanks for your help#Not
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user so monday it is tickets on general sale for boxing day . thanks for your helpnot
3,270
Any #beetwitter or #ecologytwitter scientists have suggestions for where to submit small protocol papers? Rejected multiple times, everyone expects a full research article but this was just a small (but worthwhile!) protein assay analysis protocol test.. suggestions appreciated!
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any beetwitter or ecologytwitter scientists have suggestions for where to submit small protocol papers . rejected multiple times everyone expects a full research article but this was just a small but worthwhile . protein assay analysis protocol test . suggestions appreciated .
3,187
I'm up early as I need to drive downtown to take a test bright and early this morning. Yay! #Torontotrafficisfun #sarcasm
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im up early as i need to drive downtown to take a test bright and early this morning . yay . torontotrafficisfun sarcasm
2,999
My grandma gulping her hot coco loudly and my mom goes: "you gulping over there?" My grandma: "no I'm queefing" #sarcasm #HAHA
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my grandma gulping her hot coco loudly and my mom goes you gulping over there . my grandma no im queefing sarcasm haha
2,882
Stimulus checks should come with hand lotion, a face mask, and a bonus for every Instagram bingos you do
1
Young people are in need of the stimulus too. Just because we do not have kids does not mean that we do not have bills, debt, etc.
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stimulus checks should come with hand lotion a face mask and a bonus for every instagram bingos you do
168
considering crowd surfing the next time the hallways are too packed
1
The hallways are very crowded lately. I would prefer to take another form of transportation that is more efficient than walking, but none such option exists.
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considering crowd surfing the next time the hallways are too packed
3,584
I don't remember the last time a Sixers game gave me a heart attack but this game was a roller coaster. Hell of an effort but those 10 missed foul shots really hurt.
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i dont remember the last time a sixers game gave me a heart attack but this game was a roller coaster . hell of an effort but those 10 missed foul shots really hurt .
1,165
what a great day to be stuck inside :upside-down_face:
1
It's a terrible day to be stuck inside.
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what a great day to be stuck inside upsidedownface
4,737
200s songs are so infectiously rhythmic and boppy i love it
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200s songs are so infectiously rhythmic and boppy i love it
3,383
Just booked tickets for Santa’s Grotto for the kids. Organisation is key :woman_raising_hand_light_skin_tone:
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just booked tickets for santas grotto for the kids . organisation is key womanraisinghandlightskintone
561
I need the weekends to stop being like 20 minutes long.
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i need the weekends to stop being like 20 minutes long .
1,030
When a teacher says "come in tomorrow morning for help" but they are never in their classroom #wow #thanksforthehelp #not
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when a teacher says come in tomorrow morning for help but they are never in their classroom wow thanksforthehelp not
4,433
What an Irony! The Police divide us, The Terrorists Unite us! #Terrorism #PoliceBrutality #irony
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what an irony . the police divide us the terrorists unite us . terrorism policebrutality irony
994
happy creme egg mcflurry day
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happy creme egg mcflurry day
217
@USER Mr Shatner whilst you were sleeping you asked me to join Facebook messenger and then after a polite conversation you then offered me gold necklaces and a singed (sic) tee-shirt - you made my Friday night sir.. just awaiting your instructions so I can wire the money..
1
I would have said it ruined my Friday when I realised that I had been fooled by a Shatner impersonator.
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user mr shatner whilst you were sleeping you asked me to join facebook messenger and then after a polite conversation you then offered me gold necklaces and a singed sic teeshirt you made my friday night sir . just awaiting your instructions so i can wire the money .
3,122
“I don’t really like partying” Oh is that why you’ve gone to parties twice in the last week? Because you just can’t stand it? Makes complete sense.
1
I don't understand why you go out to so many parties, if you don't like parties.
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i dont really like partying oh is that why youve gone to parties twice in the last week . because you just cant stand it . makes complete sense .
2,968
The city that only sleeps on mass transit. #naptime #irony #isntitironic #donchathink #imnotsure.. HTTPURL
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the city that only sleeps on mass transit . naptime irony isntitironic donchathink imnotsure . httpurl
454
Anyone else with AT&T have no cell service?
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anyone else with att have no cell service .
4,214
Digital drumsticks, thanks Grandma and Grandpa #not HTTPURL
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digital drumsticks thanks grandma and grandpa not httpurl
2,161
it’s time to address the main problem of homelessness: it makes me uncomfortable to see it
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its time to address the main problem of homelessness it makes me uncomfortable to see it
2,389
crying in the krispy kreme parking lot cause the girl in the drive thru gave me an extra doughnut and told me to have a beautiful day
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crying in the krispy kreme parking lot cause the girl in the drive thru gave me an extra doughnut and told me to have a beautiful day
1,918
Atheists celebrating Christmas.||#Irony
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atheists celebrating christmas . irony
3,286
Might just fuck around and take some horse dewormer for the thrill of if. Maybe I’ll feel something
1
I would not take ivermectin.
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might just fuck around and take some horse dewormer for the thrill of if . maybe ill feel something
1,713
i want to go to kings island again before summer is over
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i want to go to kings island again before summer is over
846
A chunk of my hair got stuck in the blow dryer and I had to cut it out.. That's always fun.. #Not :expressionless_face:
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a chunk of my hair got stuck in the blow dryer and i had to cut it out . thats always fun . not expressionlessface
3,098
Do you think anyone on Bachelor in Paradise has seen Oscar winner Parasite?
1
I do not think anyone on Bachelor in Paradise has seen Parasite.
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do you think anyone on bachelor in paradise has seen oscar winner parasite .
609
i personally think that everybody should lick the hook side of velcro at least once in their life it feels so good
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i personally think that everybody should lick the hook side of velcro at least once in their life it feels so good
3,042
thanks glad I spent all that time on that.
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thanks glad i spent all that time on that .
676
Why am I sick? *looks at other tweets* oh yeah sex.. #irony #lame
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why am i sick . looks at other tweets oh yeah sex . irony lame
4
Bruh how do people manage dozens of healthy, fun and equitable friendships over a long period of time? I can hardly handle like 3 :confounded_face:
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bruh how do people manage dozens of healthy fun and equitable friendships over a long period of time . i can hardly handle like 3 confoundedface
1,979
I can’t quite believe I went to the gym last night instead of the pub (?!)
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i cant quite believe i went to the gym last night instead of the pub .
4,189
Just witnessed [in person] a beautiful murmuration. Stunning. :red_heart:
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just witnessed in person a beautiful murmuration . stunning . redheart
4,614
Marshalls in Zandvoort be like #WTF1 @USER HTTPURL
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marshalls in zandvoort be like wtf1 user httpurl
623
Glad today is over and the weekend is almost here.
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glad today is over and the weekend is almost here .
4,832
On a good note, only 49 more days until #Scandal. #sarcasm :crying_face::crying_face:
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on a good note only 49 more days until scandal . sarcasm cryingfacecryingface
2,488
It b the memories we make everyday for me .. :beating_heart:
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it b the memories we make everyday for me . beatingheart
1,719
Heh, and fat, too. #ShotsFired #Irony
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heh and fat too . shotsfired irony
5,052
@USER sorry, missed off my #sarcasm tag from the end of my tweet
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user sorry missed off my sarcasm tag from the end of my tweet
1,031
I absolutely LOVE moving house #NOT
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i absolutely love moving house not
4,661
@USER Doubt I was the first to block you. But you pretend good. #not @USER @USER @USER @USER @USER
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user doubt i was the first to block you . but you pretend good . not user user user user user
3,923
I'm so afraid. #NOT
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im so afraid . not
1,400
Nandos I don’t believe you. Something has happened behind closed doors!!
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nandos i dont believe you . something has happened behind closed doors .
1,246
Mid speech @ Christmas Lacrosse Ball #flattering #not @ Grand Cafe HTTPURL
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mid speech christmas lacrosse ball flattering not grand cafe httpurl
2,139
@USER @USER I hope that all those people who missed connecting flights take joy in this wonderful experience. #sarcasm #sorrynotsorry
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user user i hope that all those people who missed connecting flights take joy in this wonderful experience . sarcasm sorrynotsorry
5,154
@USER @USER #Dirt #irony its not your country!
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user user dirt irony its not your country .
1,053
Thanks for being here @USER
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thanks for being here user
2,174
Fun fact: Nelson Mandela once played John Wilkes Booth in a prison theatre production #themoreyouknow
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fun fact nelson mandela once played john wilkes booth in a prison theatre production themoreyouknow
4,286
well today is gonna be a great day :OK_hand: #not
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well today is gonna be a great day okhand not
1,547
youre telling me i almost went my whole life thinking it was “alterior motive”?
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youre telling me i almost went my whole life thinking it was alterior motive .
413
dats how u kno its winter HTTPURL
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dats how u kno its winter httpurl
3,836
the media really likes the word 'allegedly', i've found.
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the media really likes the word allegedly ive found .
3,588
Photoset: leupagus: itsxandy: thefingerfuckingfemalefury: sevenpoints: #not getting paid enough to put up.. HTTPURL
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photoset leupagus itsxandy thefingerfuckingfemalefury sevenpoints not getting paid enough to put up . httpurl
2,262
Desperately need to go on a road trip around America
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desperately need to go on a road trip around america
3,186
Every time you complain about neopronouns or xenogenders we add five more
1
Stop complaining about peoples individual gender experiences
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every time you complain about neopronouns or xenogenders we add five more
1,859
so the royal family is sound with pedophiles but as soon as a mixed race baby comes into it they’re scared ? makes sense :woozy_face:
1
‘it doesn’t make sense’
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so the royal family is sound with pedophiles but as soon as a mixed race baby comes into it theyre scared . makes sense woozyface
81
i want tech to be banned for use in work relationships. i don't ever want my bosses asking me why im missing optional shit. just write me up at that point.
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i want tech to be banned for use in work relationships . i dont ever want my bosses asking me why im missing optional shit . just write me up at that point .
1,420
@USER @USER absolutely no response from Luna Cinema and my completely factual review on See Tickets has been moderated and will not be published :thinking_face: great to see @USER looking out for their customers. Excellent customer service all round :clapping_hands:
1
The customer service I have received has been terrible
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user user absolutely no response from luna cinema and my completely factual review on see tickets has been moderated and will not be published thinkingface great to see user looking out for their customers . excellent customer service all round clappinghands
430
Answer me this: how does my 2014 mac book pro just come back to life?
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answer me this how does my 2014 mac book pro just come back to life .
3,457
Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose.
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always gonna be an uphill battle sometimes im gonna have to lose .
3,112
I guess Americans think it's ethical to just let people die when they can't afford healthcare because "healthcare is not a right".. Ok. HTTPURL
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i guess americans think its ethical to just let people die when they cant afford healthcare because healthcare is not a right . ok . httpurl
1,445
@USER @USER Its literally very common. My friends son was concieved while she was in the pill. You do know it's only 91% effective right? That means for 9% of women, that form of birth control fails.
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user user its literally very common . my friends son was concieved while she was in the pill . you do know its only 91 effective right . that means for 9 of women that form of birth control fails .
434
watching twilight with sam and i cannot wait to see his reaction to animatronic renesmee baby
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watching twilight with sam and i cannot wait to see his reaction to animatronic renesmee baby
2,484
From @USER - 10 diktats from Brussels that are ruining life in Britain HTTPURL HTTPURL #sarcasm
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from user 10 diktats from brussels that are ruining life in britain httpurl httpurl sarcasm
1,403
Anthony Senecal, isn't that a juice? More like a douche I think. HTTPURL
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anthony senecal isnt that a juice . more like a douche i think . httpurl
2,750
Someone stop me from making 700 different holiday desserts today when I'm literally living alone for 2 weeks
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someone stop me from making 700 different holiday desserts today when im literally living alone for 2 weeks
3,511
Probably just scarred the cleaning lady half to death because she didn't know I was home.
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probably just scarred the cleaning lady half to death because she didnt know i was home .
4,717
Einstein would be amused about Strider jumping around in time
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einstein would be amused about strider jumping around in time
4,714
@USER @USER @USER My,Nephew stopped a lot. His long hair. looks like a drug dealer. Never smoked anything Pills?not an aspirin.
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user user user mynephew stopped a lot . his long hair . looks like a drug dealer . never smoked anything pills . not an aspirin .
930
Apparently, the morris dancers are going to train english football fans how to defend themselves and attack russian football hooligans
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apparently the morris dancers are going to train english football fans how to defend themselves and attack russian football hooligans
3,767
@USER But what were the ratings?? (Replied to his Tweet with the same thing.)
1
Ratings should not matter.
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user but what were the ratings . replied to his tweet with the same thing .
3,671
knew one coworker recently had a baby, but didn't send us pictures so far. People are curious, so I tacked up a stock photo of an ugly baby.
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knew one coworker recently had a baby but didnt send us pictures so far . people are curious so i tacked up a stock photo of an ugly baby .
3,933
@USER @USER @USER @USER @USER Probably folks like #FullMcIntosh who don't buy games. #irony #gamergate
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user user user user user probably folks like fullmcintosh who dont buy games . irony gamergate
128
wow they seem to be so turnt #sarcasm
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wow they seem to be so turnt sarcasm
3,496
Love people that don't act like adults. #sarcasm
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love people that dont act like adults . sarcasm
2,207
Carphone Warehouse call centre employees are such classy people #sarcasm @USER
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carphone warehouse call centre employees are such classy people sarcasm user
2,676
@USER desperately searching through emails for our #lebrock tickets for Saturday - if we can't find the email can it be resent? Or do you still have the name list on the door?
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user desperately searching through emails for our lebrock tickets for saturday if we cant find the email can it be resent . or do you still have the name list on the door .
2,419
Love that I still have kids that still wake up early on Christmas #sarcasm #justkiddingIlovethem
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love that i still have kids that still wake up early on christmas sarcasm justkiddingilovethem
5,105
not speaking he do not like comedy, it was spoken jokingly of his assassination that is #not funny guys and gals.. (2/2)
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not speaking he do not like comedy it was spoken jokingly of his assassination that is not funny guys and gals . 22
153
woke up from a dream this morning that my high school best friend was pregnant. we don’t talk anymore. she posted an announcement this afternoon. oh august, you will be funn :cloud:∞:crystal_ball:
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woke up from a dream this morning that my high school best friend was pregnant . we dont talk anymore . she posted an announcement this afternoon . oh august you will be funn cloudcrystalball
3,788
330am benedryl runs for an allergic reaction to a drug which literally saves millions of lives every year. #yippee #happiness #sarcasm
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330am benedryl runs for an allergic reaction to a drug which literally saves millions of lives every year . yippee happiness sarcasm
4,735
@USER do you think you would support a guy who knocked out your daughter? Rice doesn't deserve support.
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user do you think you would support a guy who knocked out your daughter . rice doesnt deserve support .
1,423
Anyone else remember Twix Tops and M&M's Biscuits or is that just me??
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anyone else remember twix tops and mms biscuits or is that just me .
2
Bruh. I just realized I'm wearing her shirt. The chick who dumped me. Lmfao #irony
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bruh . i just realized im wearing her shirt . the chick who dumped me . lmfao irony
4,850
Listening to Pull the Plug by Death at half eleven on a Thursday night on repeat is not good for making you sleepy. #Deathmetal
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listening to pull the plug by death at half eleven on a thursday night on repeat is not good for making you sleepy . deathmetal
2,011
@USER @USER That's going to stand him in good stead as. #chancellor. |#NOT.
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user user thats going to stand him in good stead as . chancellor . not .