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### Instruction: I'm always listening to my husband, but it feels like he never listens to me. How do I get my husband to listen to me instead of me listening to him all the time? ### Response:
Thanks for writing. There are many different house of things that may be helpful here. I can give you some general ideas, but if some of these things don't get you to where you would like to go, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples:Remember that you can only guarantee change in yourself. You can ask h...
### Instruction: I loved him more than anything. He passed away on our anniversary which was also the day I was going to apply for our apartment. I'm not handling it well. I moved to a new town and started a new life but nothing helps. ### Response:
Grief is unpredictable and does not fit into rules and stereotypes. Everybody grieves differently, react in their own ways. There can be no expectations about how long, how hard, how easy it will be. Furthermore there is no way around it. No matter how much we may want to escape the pain and accelerate the process by d...
### Instruction: I always see the worst end of things. My boyfriend and I aren't talking, and I swear he's leaving me. I keep failing my road test, and I see my future crumble. I have no desire for friends. I pushed my best friend away after Christmas, and I have no desire to fix it or make new friends. My aunt died, a...
I really love that you're taking responsibility for your pessimism here. There's a modern parable about two young brothers. One child is in a room full of every toy you could imagine, and he's miserable; the other is in a room full of horse manure, and he's flinging it around with joy. So then someone comes and asks th...
### Instruction: I have been with a guy for 4 years, he's a great guy and we also have a son together. The problem is that I'm in love with a guy that I've been talking to for about 2 years but I've never met him in person. Honestly I'm bored with the relationship I have with the first guy and he makes want to go after...
Hi there. Wow, this sounds like a sticky situation; however, I’m here to help guide you through this decision. First and foremost, you must ask yourself, if you ever loved your sons’ father or was it a situation to where you two got pregnant and stayed together for the child. It’s very common to stay with your partner ...
### Instruction: I always see the worst end of things. My boyfriend and I aren't talking, and I swear he's leaving me. I keep failing my road test, and I see my future crumble. I have no desire for friends. I pushed my best friend away after Christmas, and I have no desire to fix it or make new friends. My aunt died, a...
I really love that you're taking responsibility for your pessimism here. There's a modern parable about two young brothers. One child is in a room full of every toy you could imagine, and he's miserable; the other is in a room full of horse manure, and he's flinging it around with joy. So then someone comes and asks th...
### Instruction: My boyfriend and I have been disagreeing on a lot lately. It's really coming down to the fact that we want opposite things sometimes. I do a lot for him: I take care and protect him, and in the end, he still doesn't trust me. We've both come to the conclusion that when I want something and he doesn't w...
There’s a difference between what you want, what you need and what you have. Being able to assertively identify express your wants and needs to your boyfriend may be helpful in times of negotiation. Often couples focus on recounting all the negative traits and issues when is time to negotiate and that impairs the abili...
### Instruction: He wants to wear makeup and heels. He even tucks his penis away to resemble a vagina. He wants me to wear a strap on and have anal sex with him. I have tried this for him, but I don’t like it and have told him so. He keeps making comments about it and says he can't live without it. ### Response:
It sounds like you may be asking two different questions.With regard to what you said about your husband dressing as a female in your bedroom, I wonder if you would consider asking him more about this. If you choose to do that, I would suggest that you ask him whether a certain time is a good time to have a conversatio...
### Instruction: He wants to wear makeup and heels. He even tucks his penis away to resemble a vagina. He wants me to wear a strap on and have anal sex with him. I have tried this for him, but I don’t like it and have told him so. He keeps making comments about it and says he can't live without it. ### Response:
It sounds like you may be asking two different questions.With regard to what you said about your husband dressing as a female in your bedroom, I wonder if you would consider asking him more about this. If you choose to do that, I would suggest that you ask him whether a certain time is a good time to have a conversatio...
### Instruction: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal....
Hello! First of all, thank you for paying attention to your daughter and noticing that she is concerned! It sounds like you have been a positive influence on her for her to be so focused on achievement and for her to care so deeply about her performance! Based on what you've said here, I understand that you are concern...
### Instruction: My boyfriend has a child he gets every other weekend. He goes to see her twice a week or more. Every time she leaves, he gets into these funks like when his mom died. When she’s here, she’s disrespectful, and his answer is “Well, I don’t know what to tell you.” She swears and talks back, and he laughs....
Hi Lockport, Building a relationship when there are already children involved is very tricky. You don't tell us whether you live together or not. If you do, your position is perhaps more difficult, because his daughter's behaviours affect you; you live in the home. A bottom line for me is you don't tell someone else ho...
### Instruction: My boyfriend has a child he gets every other weekend. He goes to see her twice a week or more. Every time she leaves, he gets into these funks like when his mom died. When she’s here, she’s disrespectful, and his answer is “Well, I don’t know what to tell you.” She swears and talks back, and he laughs....
Hi Lockport, Building a relationship when there are already children involved is very tricky. You don't tell us whether you live together or not. If you do, your position is perhaps more difficult, because his daughter's behaviours affect you; you live in the home. A bottom line for me is you don't tell someone else ho...
### Instruction: I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times. We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am no...
I don't think you’ve lost something, I think you’ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to some...
### Instruction: I avoid talking to him because he always makes me more upset. I can't be honest with him about anything because he is always rude to me. ### Response:
Hi Troy, I totally get this. It's a dilemma; you want your dad to know how he's hurting you but you don't feel safe enough to say anything to him. Your reaction is understandable; it's his responsibility as a parent to work harder than you to create that safe place for you to be open. But that's not who your dad is. Yo...
### Instruction: I have been with this guy on and off for 8 years. At first, we used to do things together and our sex life was ok. Then things started to change, we'd break up and reconnect, and he cheated on me numerous times. We've also had two beautiful baby girls during this time. Now we argue and he says I am not...
I don't think you’ve lost something, I think you’ve found something - your breaking point, and it's about time. Your boyfriend seems to be a very selfish and immature man who reconnects with you when it's convenient for him. Obviously, he has his own issues, but I want to address yours. I agree you need to talk to some...
### Instruction: I avoid talking to him because he always makes me more upset. I can't be honest with him about anything because he is always rude to me. ### Response:
Hi Troy, I totally get this. It's a dilemma; you want your dad to know how he's hurting you but you don't feel safe enough to say anything to him. Your reaction is understandable; it's his responsibility as a parent to work harder than you to create that safe place for you to be open. But that's not who your dad is. Yo...
### Instruction: I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better. ### Response:
I don't know how old you are, but in Pennsylvania, if you are over 14, you can have therapy without your parents' consent. If you are young enough to use their insurance, that could be complicated, but depending on the state, there may be ways to work around that as well. If transportation is a problem, call a local me...
### Instruction: I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better. ### Response:
I don't know how old you are, but in Pennsylvania, if you are over 14, you can have therapy without your parents' consent. If you are young enough to use their insurance, that could be complicated, but depending on the state, there may be ways to work around that as well. If transportation is a problem, call a local me...
### Instruction: We're in an eight year relationship. My boyfriend drinks a lot. He experienced childhood trauma. I don't know how to deal with violent outbursts. ### Response:
First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us. Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people ...
### Instruction: My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved ...
Hello, My heart goes out to you, your brother, and your family, dealing with a very painful and difficult situation. In New York, you can't institutionalize someone else directly. You can, however, call the police or EMS. If they agree that he would benefit from hospitalization (and it sounds like they would), he can b...
### Instruction: We're in an eight year relationship. My boyfriend drinks a lot. He experienced childhood trauma. I don't know how to deal with violent outbursts. ### Response:
First, let me extend my compassion to both of you -- it sounds like you have a lot on your plates. Childhood trauma carries its negative effects into our adulthood and affects everyone who loves us. Your question is brief, so I'll just try to give general answers as best I can. From my experiences treating many people ...
### Instruction: Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? ### Response:
Cold climate is often accompanied by grey skies, snow and ice. The elements along with wind, windchill and severely cold temperatures may lead to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low energy. For some people these symptoms occur each year from late fall to early spring and may be suffering from a condition known as Sea...
### Instruction: I got involved with my best friend who is married but has been very unhappy for the last five years. We both fell in love and have been together for eight months. He left the house and filed for divorce. He decided to tell her about our relationship, and she is willing to forgive and work on things. Th...
Hi Miami, I feel your sadness; you might have planned a future with your best friend. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed and connected to people who intrigue us and to whom we might feel a connection. I believe that our ability to protect our relationships from the risks involved here has not developed ...
### Instruction: I got involved with my best friend who is married but has been very unhappy for the last five years. We both fell in love and have been together for eight months. He left the house and filed for divorce. He decided to tell her about our relationship, and she is willing to forgive and work on things. Th...
Hi Miami, I feel your sadness; you might have planned a future with your best friend. We live in a world where we are constantly exposed and connected to people who intrigue us and to whom we might feel a connection. I believe that our ability to protect our relationships from the risks involved here has not developed ...
### Instruction: I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. It’s mostly my fault, I must ad...
Hi Fort Worth,  I applaud your awareness and insight into the relationship.  Most of us come into relationships carrying old baggage and although you can't change her,  what you can do, is change yourself.  We can usually begin to understand ourselves better in the context of our own upbringings.  That is where we lear...
### Instruction: I have been experiencing a lot of sexual tension with a lot of the guys that I talk to nowadays. I keep imagining having sex with them. I have never had sex before, nor have I had a boyfriend. I feel lonely and empty. I feel like my body is not okay, and I am missing something. I talk to so many boys i...
Hi Montreal, I'm glad you wrote. What you're experiencing is normal. We're sexual beings. We have a built-in desire to connect sexually with others, because it feels good, to keep procreation going, and mostly to "connect" with other people, because connecting with others makes us feel fulfilled and valuable. Sexual de...
### Instruction: I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. It’s mostly my fault, I must ad...
Hi Fort Worth,  I applaud your awareness and insight into the relationship.  Most of us come into relationships carrying old baggage and although you can't change her,  what you can do, is change yourself.  We can usually begin to understand ourselves better in the context of our own upbringings.  That is where we lear...
### Instruction: My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted th...
As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?Does he care about you more than drinking?Living with an alcoholic, which is how his beh...
### Instruction: I have been experiencing a lot of sexual tension with a lot of the guys that I talk to nowadays. I keep imagining having sex with them. I have never had sex before, nor have I had a boyfriend. I feel lonely and empty. I feel like my body is not okay, and I am missing something. I talk to so many boys i...
Hi Montreal, I'm glad you wrote. What you're experiencing is normal. We're sexual beings. We have a built-in desire to connect sexually with others, because it feels good, to keep procreation going, and mostly to "connect" with other people, because connecting with others makes us feel fulfilled and valuable. Sexual de...
### Instruction: I was raped a couple months ago, Since then, along with other unfortunately events that have occurred, I have been having trouble feeling emotions. It's almost as if I'm a sociopath lacking any feeling. What can I do to change this? ### Response:
I am so sorry this has happened to you! I hope you have some people you find emotionally supportive around you! In terms of your question, I understand what you are talking about. Sometimes when a person experiences a traumatic event, an event called Dissociation occurs. Dissociation is the brain's way of temporary cre...
### Instruction: My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted th...
As exasperated as you feel, and as obvious it is to you that your husband cares more about drinking than being honest with you, changing this is up to him.Does he care that you're upset with him for drinking more than he can handle?Does he care about you more than drinking?Living with an alcoholic, which is how his beh...
### Instruction: I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any c...
Hello,This question describes a very typical setup of what is called the  Binge, Repent, Repeat cycle. This means that typically after you binge, you experience emotions as you described "shame and disappointment" and then because of these emotions you "repent" (i.e. vow to never binge again, promise to "do better," go...
### Instruction: My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved ...
Hello, My heart goes out to you, your brother, and your family, dealing with a very painful and difficult situation. In New York, you can't institutionalize someone else directly. You can, however, call the police or EMS. If they agree that he would benefit from hospitalization (and it sounds like they would), he can b...
### Instruction: I love him, but he doesn’t show me love. He talks badly about me to his friends. ### Response:
Hello, and thank you for your question. Loving someone who doesn’t respect or treat you well can be enormously difficult and painful. Many people who find themselves in an emotionally hurtful relationship say that it was wonderful when it first started, but that over time their partner’s behaviors changed and they bec...
### Instruction: I have a problem with binge eating, especially during times of stress. I binge eat and feel so overwhelmed with shame and disappointment that I end up going to the gym and trying to exercise the calories off. I am in my late 20s, and I have been dealing with this since I was a teenager. Are there any c...
Hello,This question describes a very typical setup of what is called the  Binge, Repent, Repeat cycle. This means that typically after you binge, you experience emotions as you described "shame and disappointment" and then because of these emotions you "repent" (i.e. vow to never binge again, promise to "do better," go...
### Instruction: I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? ### Response:
First of all, congratulations on your new role! Transitions can be challenging, and it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of change.  This would be difficult for many people, and it seems that you have an added layer of challenge.  I recommend visiting a therapist to determine the root cause of your anxiety and wor...
### Instruction: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here. I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it. How can I change my feeling of bei...
Hello, and thank you for your question and seeking advice on this. Feelings of worthlessness is unfortunately common. In fact, most people, if not all, have felt this to some degree at some point in their life. You are not alone. Changing our feelings is like changing our thoughts - it's hard to do. Our minds are so am...
### Instruction: I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bo...
This can be really anxiety-producing when you have not felt it before. It may be helpful to work through some of this with a local therapist so you can get more specific ideas.Some other things that come to my mind are maybe talking about spending about 10 minutes or so discussing how you are feeling and seeing if your...
### Instruction: My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this? ### Response:
Let me first say that I am sorry you are going through this. Yes, this is a symptom of an ugly disease, but that does not make experiencing it any easier. If your mother was a sweet and understanding lady, I am sure this change in personality feels awful! On the other hand, if your relationship with her has always been...
### Instruction: I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone? ### Response:
It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover...
### Instruction: I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bo...
This can be really anxiety-producing when you have not felt it before. It may be helpful to work through some of this with a local therapist so you can get more specific ideas.Some other things that come to my mind are maybe talking about spending about 10 minutes or so discussing how you are feeling and seeing if your...
### Instruction: I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone? ### Response:
It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover...
### Instruction: I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? ### Response:
First of all, congratulations on your new role! Transitions can be challenging, and it sounds like you are experiencing a lot of change.  This would be difficult for many people, and it seems that you have an added layer of challenge.  I recommend visiting a therapist to determine the root cause of your anxiety and wor...
### Instruction: It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic....
The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship.Continue developing some points you've written here.That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to exp...
### Instruction: It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic....
The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship.Continue developing some points you've written here.That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to exp...
### Instruction: I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big...
Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of...
### Instruction: I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big...
Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of...
### Instruction: My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted th...
It can be very frustrating being lied to.  The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction "in the past."  Addiction is not something that comes and goes.  Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay.  You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly ...
### Instruction: My husband has had issues with alcohol addiction in the past (he'd never admit to this). A while back (3 years ago), I asked him to stop drinking so much, and he agreed. I caught him one night drinking behind my back. I confronted him and he lied, but I told him I knew he was lying because I counted th...
It can be very frustrating being lied to.  The one thing that struck me was the sentence he had a alcohol addiction "in the past."  Addiction is not something that comes and goes.  Once you have addict tendencies they are here to stay.  You may be able to fight them off for awhile but the will enviably rear their ugly ...
### Instruction: I'm a female freshman in high school, and this question is for my male best friend. At the start of freshman year, we dated for about a week before his parents ended it because they said he is too young to date. He has been dating a really sweet senior girl for a month or two. I have nothing against he...
First off, I think it is great that you are willing and able to help out your friend with issues regarding his current relationship, despite the fact that you have feelings for him. I think that the best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about things. You can also help by p...
### Instruction: I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of se...
Hi there! It sounds like you have already started to answer your own question by stating that you love cross dressing very much, and I am glad you enjoy it! Cross dressing is something many people enjoy, and there is no harm in it whatsoever. My question to you would be: What is making you feel torn about it? There...
### Instruction: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my ...
First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that con...
### Instruction: Is it normal for people to cry during therapy, or is it just me? ### Response:
Yes, it is very normal. Some people cry frequently, but not fully. They’re good at crying but never seem to heal from what’s hurting them.Crying is supposed to be good for you. Tears contain toxins, after all. And feel-good chemicals are released in the body whenever we cry tears of sadness.Never judge your feelings wh...
### Instruction: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't...
We women really do tend to struggle with the comparison game. And Hollywood culture hasn't helped with romantic comedies and song lyrics telling us that when a man appears evasive, there's something to worry about. It's been my clinical experience though that most women value transparency and security in their relation...
### Instruction: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my ...
First, thank you for sharing such deep personal information. It can be difficult to share such intimate information. To begin, it sounds likes your primary concern your desire to speak to someone who takes your mental health seriously. You've tried talking to your parents and your friends and neither have made that con...
### Instruction: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't ...
We women really do tend to struggle with the comparison game. And Hollywood culture hasn't helped with romantic comedies and song lyrics telling us that when a man appears evasive, there's something to worry about. It's been my clinical experience though that most women value transparency and security in their relation...
### Instruction: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? ### Re...
You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other?  If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, int...
### Instruction: I've been having this ongoing problem for most of my life now. I am a young adult, and right now, driving and even being a passenger gives me terrible panic attacks and anxiety. I can't ride in the backseat or the front seat with the safety belt on. I have to lean the seat back a bit because the pressu...
Not having support from your family for such a significant problem, is a problem itself.How about your friends, are any of them nurturing or treat you kindly when you bring up that you've got this problem?Are any of your friends willing to accommodate the fact that right now you've got panic attacks from driving and be...
### Instruction: I've been having this ongoing problem for most of my life now. I am a young adult, and right now, driving and even being a passenger gives me terrible panic attacks and anxiety. I can't ride in the backseat or the front seat with the safety belt on. I have to lean the seat back a bit because the pressu...
Not having support from your family for such a significant problem, is a problem itself.How about your friends, are any of them nurturing or treat you kindly when you bring up that you've got this problem?Are any of your friends willing to accommodate the fact that right now you've got panic attacks from driving and be...
### Instruction: I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. How can I deal with depression without telling anyone? ### Response:
Hello,It is completely understandable that you would not want people to know about your depression. I would first like commend you for realizing that you need to help with your depression by reaching out here. That is a great start, and you've taken the very first courageous step. Depression can feel debilitating and o...
### Instruction: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? ### Res...
You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other?  If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, int...
### Instruction: I'm a female freshman in high school, and this question is for my male best friend. At the start of freshman year, we dated for about a week before his parents ended it because they said he is too young to date. He has been dating a really sweet senior girl for a month or two. I have nothing against he...
First off, I think it is great that you are willing and able to help out your friend with issues regarding his current relationship, despite the fact that you have feelings for him. I think that the best thing you can do is let him know that you are there for him if he wants to talk about things. You can also help by p...
### Instruction: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? ### Response:
Hi there, There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship.  The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to...
### Instruction: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? ### Response:
Hi there, There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship.  The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to...
### Instruction: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? ### Response:
Hi there, There are a number of reasons why a therapeutic relationship might end including, but not limited to the client reaching their goals, the client reaching a place of acceptance where they wish to remain or even a breach within the relationship.  The last aspect should likely be taken to supervision in order to...
### Instruction: I know I need to deal with my depression. But I don't know how and I don't want to tell anyone. How can I deal with depression without telling anyone? ### Response:
Hello,It is completely understandable that you would not want people to know about your depression. I would first like commend you for realizing that you need to help with your depression by reaching out here. That is a great start, and you've taken the very first courageous step. Depression can feel debilitating and o...
### Instruction: I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? ### Response:
Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want to say that it is great that you are are willing to admit that you share some responsibility in some of the relationship problems you are having. This isn't always easy to do, but it sure is important if you want to see improvement. It does sound cliche, but communi...
### Instruction: I'm having relationship problems and I want to fix them to make things right before I lose her. How can I learn how to listen and get myself together? ### Response:
Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want to say that it is great that you are are willing to admit that you share some responsibility in some of the relationship problems you are having. This isn't always easy to do, but it sure is important if you want to see improvement. It does sound cliche, but communi...
### Instruction: I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it. I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally ...
It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with you...
### Instruction: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? ### Re...
Hello, and thank you for your question. Nervousness, when doing something new, especially something sexual that can feel so personal, is very common. Indeed, despite the fact that nervousness can be uncomfortable, it is also part of the excitement of trying something new. Many people who engage in open, polyamorous, an...
### Instruction: I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. ### Response:
Since it is clear that people react differently to the same stressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, our thoughts about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and w...
### Instruction: I have anxieties about everyday stressors, i.e. finances, work, relationships, kids, and maintaining a household. ### Response:
Since it is clear that people react differently to the same stressors, we know that the stressors are not causing the anxiety, our thoughts about the stressors are. Often, cognitive distortions are the problem. Some common cognitive distortions include catastrophizing (predicting the worst), future telling, black and w...
### Instruction: I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value whe...
First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with life's obstacles, including anger ...
### Instruction: I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. ### Response:
Hello, and thank you for your question. When faced with these kinds of difficult challenges, I usually encourage people to look to their values for help in determining what their behavior should be. Indeed, it is usually when our behaviors conflict with our values that we don't feel very content with our lives. Perhaps...
### Instruction: I'm in a long-distance relationship with my ideal man, but I'm not as attracted to him as I should be. Everything else is perfect about him, but I find myself lusting over more attractive men. The next step is marriage, but I want to marry someone who I can wake up to and fall in love with all over aga...
Hi Montgomery, Your first sentence says it all. He might be an amazing person, but there's something missing for you. I'm curious...you say this is a long distance relationship. Did you make a connection through social media or email first? Maybe a dating website? I'm just wondering if this is the case. These modern wa...
### Instruction: I'm in a long-distance relationship with my ideal man, but I'm not as attracted to him as I should be. Everything else is perfect about him, but I find myself lusting over more attractive men. The next step is marriage, but I want to marry someone who I can wake up to and fall in love with all over aga...
Hi Montgomery, Your first sentence says it all. He might be an amazing person, but there's something missing for you. I'm curious...you say this is a long distance relationship. Did you make a connection through social media or email first? Maybe a dating website? I'm just wondering if this is the case. These modern wa...
### Instruction: I am so angry. I feel like the arguments with my parents have caused me so much anxiety and stress, and I don't know what to do. I want to sit down with a psychologist, but I cannot afford one, nor do I have my own health insurance. I can feel myself starting to get violent. I throw things of value whe...
First off, it is great that you recognize that some changes need to be made. It is also really good that you understand where the source of your anxiety and stress comes from. Fortunately there are many self help books and internet sources that provide free tools to help you cope with life's obstacles, including anger ...
### Instruction: I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. ### Response:
Hello, and thank you for your question. When faced with these kinds of difficult challenges, I usually encourage people to look to their values for help in determining what their behavior should be. Indeed, it is usually when our behaviors conflict with our values that we don't feel very content with our lives. Perhaps...
### Instruction: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? ### Res...
Hello, and thank you for your question. Nervousness, when doing something new, especially something sexual that can feel so personal, is very common. Indeed, despite the fact that nervousness can be uncomfortable, it is also part of the excitement of trying something new. Many people who engage in open, polyamorous, an...
### Instruction: I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? ### Response:
The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation. A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality. The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you...
### Instruction: I feel like I hate myself physically and emotionally sometimes. How can I start accepting myself and be more confident? ### Response:
The answer would require a more in-depth knowledge of you and your situation. A lot of times, these feelings are the result of the people in your life treating you a certain way. You internalize it and accept it as your reality. The first step is to evaluate the people close to you, especially your parents. Even if you...
### Instruction: I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that...
I think one of the first questions that springs to mind for me is, "what's the rush?"  Just because other people in your circle have had experiences that you are still warming up to does not mean that there's something wrong or something to be ashamed of.  If anything, I want to commend you on the self-respect you have...
### Instruction: I have an ex-boyfriend who just lies about everything. He is super lazy. He lies to everyone that he has a good job, builds trust, and then start borrowing money—and large amounts too. It has come to the point where he has gone through several group of friends. He is leaving a trail behind full of frie...
It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship...
### Instruction: I have lately been having lots of anxiety and self-loathing about the fact that I am a young adult virgin girl who has never had a boyfriend before. It seems like everyone my age has already had boyfriends by now or are not virgins anymore, and I just had my first kiss five months ago. I’m worried that...
I think one of the first questions that springs to mind for me is, "what's the rush?"  Just because other people in your circle have had experiences that you are still warming up to does not mean that there's something wrong or something to be ashamed of.  If anything, I want to commend you on the self-respect you have...
### Instruction: I have an ex-boyfriend who just lies about everything. He is super lazy. He lies to everyone that he has a good job, builds trust, and then start borrowing money—and large amounts too. It has come to the point where he has gone through several group of friends. He is leaving a trail behind full of frie...
It sounds like you have some ambivalent feelings towards your ex-boyfriend that are difficult to sort out. You notice that there are both desirable and undesirable things about him, and this is true of everyone to one degree or another. One question that I would have for you is, are you satisfied with your relationship...
### Instruction: I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progress...
How frustrating to want a relationship with someone who does not feel similarly!The person who needs to be at the top of your list of those whose interest you consider, is yourself.Most often, staying engaged in dialogue, affection, sex, with someone who has different reasons than you have, for doing so, creates longin...
### Instruction: I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day,...
Consider talking with your boyfriend about times that you may be able to talk together while he is away. This way, you have an idea when you'll be able to contact him. Does he recognize the feelings that you have while he is away? How do you feel when you are together with him and he is home?I'm also curious as to how ...
### Instruction: I've worked with this guy for about three years now, and I knew the first time I saw him that I was attracted. Over time, he became a very dear friend, and we talked about our relationship problems, family, dreams, and so on. There was always flirtation with us, and one day pretty recently, it progress...
How frustrating to want a relationship with someone who does not feel similarly!The person who needs to be at the top of your list of those whose interest you consider, is yourself.Most often, staying engaged in dialogue, affection, sex, with someone who has different reasons than you have, for doing so, creates longin...
### Instruction: I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I ha...
They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.Maybe you could talk about you...
### Instruction: I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a littl...
My first question for you would be to see if you've talked with her about it yet? You mentioned you found out....and I know this can be so painful. It can also be frightening to bring up the experience when it hurts a lot, when you feel so unsettled as you mention. But you can look at this as a vital and important piec...
### Instruction: How can I know if I'm just being paranoid? ### Response:
Hi Texas,Oh, that's a powerful idea, isn't it? It burrows into your head. Let's figure this out. First, has your partner given you any concrete reason not to trust them? Have they cheated before? If not, then they deserve the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence. If it's a "yes", then it's natural that these fe...
### Instruction: I have been with my boyfriend for more than a year. He recently got a new job and travels a lot. I’m not used to him being gone all the time. I feel as though he has forgotten about me because he does not talk with me as much and doesn’t keep me up to date on everything that he does throughout the day,...
Consider talking with your boyfriend about times that you may be able to talk together while he is away. This way, you have an idea when you'll be able to contact him. Does he recognize the feelings that you have while he is away? How do you feel when you are together with him and he is home?I'm also curious as to how ...
### Instruction: I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I ha...
They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.Maybe you could talk about you...
### Instruction: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my ...
One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit ol...
### Instruction: How can I know if I'm just being paranoid? ### Response:
Hi Texas,Oh, that's a powerful idea, isn't it? It burrows into your head. Let's figure this out. First, has your partner given you any concrete reason not to trust them? Have they cheated before? If not, then they deserve the benefit of the doubt until there is evidence. If it's a "yes", then it's natural that these fe...
### Instruction: I'm in a relationship with my fiancé and I currently found out that she's been cheating on me with a co-worker. I was very upset none the less. I understand what she did was wrong, but I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So I'm willing to forgive and move on. We have been together for a littl...
My first question for you would be to see if you've talked with her about it yet? You mentioned you found out....and I know this can be so painful. It can also be frightening to bring up the experience when it hurts a lot, when you feel so unsettled as you mention. But you can look at this as a vital and important piec...
### Instruction: I've never been able to talk with my parents. My parents are in their sixties while I am a teenager. I love both of them but not their personalities. I feel that they do not take me seriously whenever I talk about a serious event in my life. If my dad doesn’t believe me, then my mom goes along with my ...
One of the most difficult challenges we face is not being heard! It is incredibly frustrating and hurtful when others, especially parents, do not listen. While your parents surely love you and want to understand you, it may be difficult for them to fully understand your feelings and experiences. They are quite a bit ol...
### Instruction: We weren't long distance until he joined the military. I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going? ### Response:
Hello. You are asking a very good question about how to sustain a long-distance relationship. Although maintaining a long-distance relationship has its challenges, with the proper communication, commitment, and understanding, many long-distance couples are able to thrive and maintain a close connection. Without knowing...
### Instruction: I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it. I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally ...
It is a good thing that you have recognized that you have been in some unhealthy relationships and that you are wanting to break this pattern. You seem to have some good insight into the situation.The type of behavior that you are describing is usually rooted in childhood issues with insecure attachment bonds with your...
### Instruction: I'm feeling different towards my husband. I feel I am growing from the relationship. I have been with my husband for six years and married for almost five. I just don't feel that connection anymore. I feel nothing. I don't know why or if I'm just being irrational. ### Response:
Lacey, I'm SO glad you wrote. Thousands of people are having this same feeling right now. I'm glad you're paying attention to it. When you first meet someone, there are all kinds of sparkly feelings and you both do and say lots of things to cement the attachment and create deep intimacy and connection. Then what happen...
### Instruction: We weren't long distance until he joined the military. I love him and I know he loves, me but it's complicated. He said he's not going to find someone else, but I'm afraid. How do I keep our relationship going? ### Response:
Hello. You are asking a very good question about how to sustain a long-distance relationship. Although maintaining a long-distance relationship has its challenges, with the proper communication, commitment, and understanding, many long-distance couples are able to thrive and maintain a close connection. Without knowing...