| ==Phrack Inc.== | |
| Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #2 of 10 | |
| _-><-_==_{[The REAL Phreaker's Guide Part II]}_==_-><-_ | |
| or | |
| How To/Not To Be Elite! | |
| Written by | |
| Taran King and Knight Lightning | |
| So, you're willing to give up EVERYTHING to be elite, huh? Well, | |
| you've come to the right place. We know from EXPERIENCE. We know FIRST HAND. | |
| We know because we ARE ELITE (not elite, ELITE). | |
| Some of you may recall our first version of this file which was | |
| released years ago. That was when we were young and immature. We are now | |
| much more mature and ELITE and you aren't so there. Here's the file, learn | |
| it, love it, live it, leach it. | |
| !@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^ | |
| Real phreaks don't utilize anything pertaining to phreaking/hacking in their | |
| handles (Phantom PHREAKER, CODES Master, CODE Manipulator, Bill from RNOC, | |
| Perpetual PHREAK, Luke VAXHACKER, VMS Consultant, Holophax PHREAKER, | |
| Ubiquitous HACKER, Dr. HACK, PHREAKY Floyd, Broadway HACKER, The Mad HACKER, | |
| The PHREAKazoid, PHREAKenstein, Dan The OPERATOR, and ORYAN QUEST). | |
| Corollary: Real phreaks or hackers don't have ORYAN QUEST in their name. | |
| Real phreaks don't get in trouble when people harass their parents (Phucked | |
| Agent 04, The Executioner, and Oryan Quest). | |
| Corollary: Real phreaks don't name themselves Oryan Quest if they know that | |
| they're going to receive harassing phone calls. | |
| Real phreaks don't look like celebrities (Mark Tabas - Tom Petty, Shooting | |
| Shark - Mork from Ork, Telenet Bob - Danny Partridge (200 pounds later), John | |
| Draper - Marty Feldman in Young Frankenstein, The Executioner - All of the | |
| group members of Loudness, Broadway Hacker/The Whacko Cracko Bros. - Tommy | |
| Flenagan, Mr. Zenith's mother - Fred Sanford, The Lineman - Spanky, Sigmund | |
| Fraud - The Great Pumpkin, and Oryan Quest - the Mexican cab driver in D.C. | |
| Cab). | |
| Corollary: Real phreaks didn't crawl under a fence to become a citizen of the | |
| United States of America. | |
| Real phreaks don't go to Tap (Dead Lord, Cheshire Catalyst, Sid Platt, and | |
| Oryan Quest). | |
| Corollary: Real phreaks don't piss Taran King off so that they would get a | |
| rag file dedicated to them. | |
| Real phreaks don't name their group after a real phreak (New religion: | |
| Luthorian.) | |
| Real phreaks don't get busted and come back numerous times (The Whacko Cracko | |
| Bros., Dr. Who, Mark Tabas, Holophax Phreaker, and Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't get kicked out of the FBI (Ahem!). | |
| Real phreaks can't speak 2600 in their normal, everyday voice (Ax Murderer, | |
| The Wizard, The Preacher, and Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't have busha-bushas (Eric Corley, John Maxfield, The Bootleg, | |
| and not Oryan Quest's mother). | |
| Real phreaks aren't religious fanatics (The Preacher, The Pope, The Exorcist, | |
| Magnetic Pope, All Members of Cult of the Dead Cow, Mr. Zenith's mom, The | |
| Prophet, Lucifer 666, Angel of Destiny, and Satan [Oh, and Oryan Quest]). | |
| Real phreaks don't use vaseline for mousse (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't eat tacos for breakfast, burritos for lunch, and | |
| enchilladas for dinner (Oryan Quest). | |
| Corollary: Real phreaks don't need to get the cheese for their Mexican dinner | |
| from the government (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't claim to get busted 3 times to make a good reputation as a | |
| phreaker or hacker for themselves (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't answer to "Paco" (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't use Maintenance Busy in an effort to unleash with full | |
| force (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks can rag on better things than an individual's mom (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks' caps lock didn't get stuck when signing their first message | |
| after they typed their first name (Oryan QUEST). | |
| Real phreaks don't claim to know more than 65% of the phreak world (Oryan | |
| Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't have a girlfriend that needs to shave...their face (Oryan | |
| Quest). | |
| Real phreaks haven't been around for 4 years without accomplishing something | |
| (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks CAN'T argue with their parents in Spanish (Oryan Quest). | |
| Real phreaks don't: | |
| Cash $5,000,000 checks. | |
| Card minicomputers. | |
| Card gold. | |
| Get busted for hacking but let off due to police brutality (?!?). | |
| Write books on the topic. | |
| Say they're from outside of Illinois when working for Illinois Bell. | |
| !@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^ | |
| You, the reader, must understand that this is all written with the | |
| very least in seriousness (except that written about Oryan Quest). Anything | |
| contained in the file is just poking fun at people without trying to really | |
| make them feel bad (except for Oryan Quest). | |
| To the various people that have contributed various pieces and bits | |
| to this file, we wish to extend great thanks for your innovativeness (or lack | |
| thereof). | |
| Now, you too, can be ELITE. | |
| !@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^&*()_+!@#$%^ | |