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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1J44y1673S_BV1J44y1673S_m4-dialogue_0371916
[S1] And colorful people, colorful characters, um, they would come into the equation there for endorsing your product. [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, if you get, um, an athlete or a footballer, for instance, people like that, you celebrities, 'cause you've got a load of friends that are celebrities and call, call people. Ha...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1J44y1673S_BV1J44y1673S_m4-dialogue_0371917
[S1] We, we all suffer with a little bit of mental health, don't we? [S2] I think everybody does. [S1] We, exactly. I don't think there's one person on this planet that hasn't really got some kind of mental health issue. Whether you're looking at your phone to see what somebody said about you, and you're having to play...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1J44y1673S_BV1J44y1673S_m4-dialogue_0371919
[S1] Talk to me about yoga. How did you get into, to it for a start? And, and what is it? And I've, I've seen some amazing photographs on, on your Instagram and social media accounts where you're balancing in a position that you've got no right to balance. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] You must be so strong. [S2] Um, yeah, strong...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1J44y1673S_BV1J44y1673S_m4-dialogue_0371924
[S1] [LAUGHS] [S2] Well, you've achieved so much and I'm sure that you will be able to achieve a baby as well. [S1] Yeah. [S2] Which, given everything that you've done in your life, puts things back into reality, that the greatest gift is life, isn't it? [S1] Yeah, of course. [S2] And Jenny, can I thank you so much for...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792515
[S1] I think so too. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Have you seen, I mean, there's so many movies where I would, like, look and be, like, flicking off the camera. I'd be like, "Did they edit that part out?" [S2] I think they did. [S1] I never watched my own porn, so I don't know. [S2] Yeah, I don't remember that, those parts. No, I r...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792516
[S1] People still paid for it or what was amazing about it? [S2] Huge budgets. [S1] Got it. So, yeah, just prime profit. [S2] Lots of money. Yeah. [S1] Yeah, when I, so you were 18 and you're, you're 36 now? [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Oh, 36, so I was 12. [S2] Oh, my God. [S1] 13 years old. [S2] You're that much younger than me...
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[S1] You, I don't, you definitely weren't the first, but you were- [S2] Thank God. [S1] ... amongst the first, probably. I remember watching an interview of you talking about the first time you did a porn scene- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... and that you cried afterwards. [S2] Mm-hmm. No, I cried during. [S1] You cried during?...
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[S1] Well, my family moved from Florida to California. Most of my family moved from Florida to California. My immediate family, parents- [S2] Your parents, brothers, sisters. [S1] And one of my brother. [S2] One of your brothers. [S1] My other brother stayed in Florida in college. And it actually goes back farther than...
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[S1] Before, like, he got the hint that I was not gonna do anything. I'll just sit there in the corner. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I'm 15 years old, like, what the fuck are you thinking? [S2] Yeah. [S1] And, um, they didn't sign me. [S2] Right. You don't- [S1] Pretty much blackballed me. [S2] You're not gonna have sex with this o...
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[S1] He actually wasn't old. [S2] Oh, okay. [S1] And he was actually very good looking. [S2] Oh. [S1] And I was just like so fl- [S2] Still creeped up. [S1] I was just so flabbergasted, like, "What?" Like- [S2] Yeah. [S1] I just couldn't even imagine it. Like, I, I was just so confused. I think that's partly what it wa...
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[S1] And you were looking at that more out of fun and curiosity, not like- [S2] No, I was looking at it more of like trying to be cool with the guys. [S1] Yeah, yeah. [S2] Not really for myself at all. [S1] Yeah, not in a sexual way. [S2] No, not at all. Um, so then I went back to Florida 'cause I was staying out here ...
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[S1] ... with that. [S2] With that. [S1] ... guy who, yeah. [S2] Yeah, and I'm like, "What the fuck am I gonna do in California if this is what it's like?" And then, um, like fast forward and I just didn't wanna go to college and my parents were like, "Get a job or go to college. That's your option." [S1] So- [S2] And ...
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[S1] And that's how it started. And then it just progressed. [S2] But you're modeling for $3,000 an hour? [S1] No. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Of course not. [S2] I was like- [S1] But this guy at the time, world modeling, he was like one of the biggest agencies, if not the biggest agency. And he was so kind. And I should have neve...
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[S1] I ended up leaving him because he only did specific type of stuff, like nude modeling and like girl, girl stuff. And when I decided to go more hardcore, I had to get a different agent. [S2] Got it. You had to graduate. [S1] And then I got a real agent of Harvey Weinstein. [S2] Well, are you allowed to say who that...
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[S1] I think he's going through the cases, right? [S2] He's going through it. [S1] I use him as like a, um, analogy. You know what I mean? Like, okay. [S2] Yeah, yeah. I'm perfectly, perfectly comfortable saying Harvey Weinstein's a bad guy and a racist. [S1] Well, I, I don't think anybody's good or bad, but yes. [S2] ...
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[S1] Right. That's not, we're not God, you're saying. [S2] Correct. [S1] I think that- [S2] I think he did some awful things. [S1] He did some awful things and I wouldn't want my daughter or girlfriend or friend around him. But, yeah, maybe- [S2] Unless they're like strong enough to deal with it. [S1] Can he, uh, maybe...
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[S1] Is he a bad guy for life? Maybe not. [S2] No. [S1] But- [S2] He's not a bad guy, period. He's just done bad things. [S1] But I don't trust him. [S2] No, I don't trust anybody. [S1] [LAUGHS] No one? What about your kids? [S2] I mean, I trust my children. [S1] Yeah. [S2] To a degree. They like to sneak candy. [LAUGH...
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[S1] My research and because I like to do research on companies, like before I took the job because, well, for whatever reason, right? And, um, never said anything to me. And then I guess, like, my first magazine cover that I was in, she slid underneath my bedroom door. 'Cause it all progressed very quickly, right? So,...
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[S1] I don't know. [S2] No. [S1] 'Cause you don't look Jewish. [S2] That's what everybody says, but- [S1] You got lucky. [S2] ... you get a religion beard look? [S1] Yeah. I look very Jewish. People look at me and they go, "You're Jewish." [S2] Wow. [S1] All the t- everyday of my life. [S2] Maybe because I'm tattooed. ...
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[S1] But you were an adult. Did, are you guys cool now? Do you see each other on holidays? [S2] No, we're, we see each other- [S1] And say, "I love you," and I'm proud of you. [S2] Um, yes. No. [S1] 'Cause- [S2] Well, if that's surface level, or if that's, that's my own battle that I battle still to this day. [S1] All ...
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[S1] saying is- [S2] 'Cause like, I mean, I think she sees strength in me because of the, but she doesn't know half of what I've been through. She couldn't handle it. It's taken me so long. I've stayed away from this kind of stuff, like my whole career. [S1] Mm-hmm. And by the way- [S2] My career could have been much h...
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[S1] You, well, what I'm saying is if you say something and you- [S2] And I'm like, "Take that the fuck out." [S1] ... "Take that," I'll take it out. So don't, don't feel- [S2] I wouldn't do that anyway. [S1] I'm not, I'm not here to try and get you to say something. [S2] No, I wouldn't do that anyway. [S1] Yeah. But i...
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[S1] ... for many years. [S2] Be as comfortable, be as comfortable as you can be in a closed off curtained room. [S1] Right. [S2] And I locked you in. [S1] Right. [S2] Yeah. It was kind of bringing you, throwback to the 15 year old model. [S1] No, I'm, I'm not traumatized at all. [S2] Well, you were tra- Oh, I wanna, s...
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[S1] It's really funny. I mean, when I think about it, and I just think of like, first of all, when you shoot porn back then, there's gotta be at least 100 people there. It's not- [S2] Literally? [S1] I mean, yeah. It's not like three of us. [S2] No, so was this- [S1] So you've got the male talent, you've got me, and t...
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[S1] Yeah, and, you know, you shoot so many fucking movies that it's just like, I don't know, you just don't even think about it. Like, if I see pictures, then stuff will come back to me, but, um, so then you've got four or five cameramen, then you've got assistant cameramen, then you've got mics, people holding mics, ...
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[S1] I would say the majority until the internet happened. [S2] Got it. [S1] 'Cause this is film still. [S2] This is pre-internet, your first few scenes. [S1] Yeah, pre-internet. [S2] Okay. [S1] First few scenes, first couple hundred, I would say. [S2] First couple hundred, okay. [S1] 'Cause when did the internet happe...
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[S1] ... that. [S2] Uh-huh. Still is, right? Or no? [S1] I don't know. I have no idea. I'm so not affiliated with it, I don't know how any of it goes. Um, and we got through oral sex, we got to, like, I think we were in Doggie, and I just started crying, like, silent tears. And it wasn't, like, boo-hoo tears. It was ju...
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[S1] Dude for that. [S2] It's not a big turn on to most people. [S1] I mean, unless you like rape videos, I don't know. [S2] Right, so some people, but most people would probably not know that. [S1] Right, but...
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[S1] ... Right. [S2] But this was a huge company, so, um, I just remember the director was like, "Um, I think you need to go to the bathroom and, like, pull yourself together." And I think I got up and went to the bathroom, and obviously I came back and finished the scene. [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] And I don't, I think I was c...
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[S1] And I'm not turning back. [S2] So on set, you're crying. Like you said, you're not sobbing. [S1] No, I'm just crying silent tears. [S2] But, but you're crying silent tears. People still probably notice. There's 40 people in the room. [S1] Of course. There's a million. And they can see it on camera. [S2] The direct...
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[S1] Makeup girl. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Or guy, I guess. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Mostly girls, I imagine. [S2] Because girls are very catty and like other girls, you know, I kind of cat to myself. I, I had, I got a very strong reputation of being a bitch because I was always very silent on set. I never really talked to anybody. I di...
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[S1] And anything like, like my agent was a piece of shit, right? He was the best agent in the business 'cause he, you could make millions of dollars, which I did with him, but he was also a piece of shit. So, um, he would blackball you for any kind of little thing, like just all of a sudden for a whole month you would...
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[S1] So I would start to like panic and be like, "I'm not shooting anal." [S2] Yeah. [S1] You've got this whole production. [S2] I'm not doing that. [S1] Thousands of dollars. [S2] Yeah. [S1] If not however much money for the day to do this. Now I'm costing everybody money. Now I feel like I'm doing something wrong. So...
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[S1] That's crazy. I imagine that kind of stuff happens less often now. You think? [S2] I have no idea. [S1] Oh, you have no idea. Yeah, you're retired. [S2] I don't know. [S1] So, okay. [S2] So I just have to leave set. So my option is roll with the punches or walk off set. [S1] And so then all those people on set go,...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792548
[S1] But he'll lie and say, "Oh, she agreed to do her first anal with you." [S2] Yeah. [S1] Even though none of that was true. [S2] Just hoping you would get there and be like, "Okay." [S1] I don't know. I did all of my work sober, so there was a lot of girls that didn't do their work sober. [S2] Right. [S1] There was ...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792549
[S1] Just popping pills all day. And so was this during porn or after? [S2] Um, I would say when it w- it was when I knew I was gonna leave. [S1] And what was the f- was there a point where you were enjoyed doing porn or no? [S2] Um. [S1] Was it always just a job for you? Like this is- [S2] No, I think there were times...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792550
[S1] Well, I mean, like I was doing porn. [S2] Yeah, yeah. [S1] But no, he was not a part of that business. [S2] Yeah. [S1] There were a lot that would come into the business to make millions of dollars and leave. Go buy houses, invest in real estate, do whatever they did. [S2] Just an easy cash grab. [S1] Mm-hmm. 'Cau...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792551
[S1] So you liked each other. Now how, now it's still kind of- [S2] No, liked each other. I saw him from a distance and I was like, "Ooh, I'm gonna marry that guy." [S1] [LAUGHS] And you did. [S2] And I did six months later. [S1] For 12 years. [S2] For 12 years. [S1] So it was pretty- [S2] Still technically married. [S...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792552
[S1] I don't know. [S2] But how, this still kind of blows my mind. I, it's a pretty common question. [S1] What? [S2] But how do you, what kind of guy or how does it work where he's just comfortable with you? Like, "All right, I'm going to set." Did he, was there ever any issues with that? 'Cause he obviously knew what ...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792553
[S1] Um, I found out later that he knew who I was. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Like he knew my work. I didn't know that at the time. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] When I met him and even when I got married to him. I did not know that. [S2] Oh, he didn't tell you till way later that he knew you. [S1] No, I mean, maybe not way later. We got m...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792554
[S1] ... very beautiful children. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And he's very sexual. And the first time I, it's funny, the first time I ever had sex with him, he turned, like, when we're done in, in his house, like, before we had gotten married, he turns around and he's like, "You're really bad in bed. I don't know how you have a...
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[S1] I attracted a dark energy. Do you know what I mean? I found out later th- I found out later, recently, that I married my mother. [S2] Mm. [S1] I used to think women married their father, but that was a huge misconception. What I've learned is that women actually marry their mother, and I- [S2] All women? [S1] Not ...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792556
[S1] ... degree. [S2] And do you think that worked, getting the psychology degree? [S1] I think it's all helped. [S2] Were you able to self-analyze yourself and figure out all your shit? [S1] Of course. All these questions I'd ask in all of my teachers, like all of my classes, oh my God, I'd ask so many questions. Like...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792557
[S1] And, um, so her family kind of disowned her in the sense of he's not rel- um, he's not Jewish. That's a huge no-no. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And he's poor. Two big no-nos. So they kind of abandoned her. She had three kids, very young. 22 years old, she has three kids. They're married, right? They've been married almost 40 ...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792558
[S1] And I think that's normal for most women to think that at one point in their life. Sure, I think every woman- [S2] I think I thought it for so many years that that's what led me into this path. [S1] Right. [S2] Now, if I said that to my mother, she would probably smack me across the face because she would take no ...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792559
[S1] Well, I don't know. It depends if you come from a, if you, if you, it depends on how you hear money, right? Money is an energy. So if you hear money in a negative connotation, like money only brings you happiness, that's not true. We know that. Now, is it nice to have money to pay your bills? Of course. It's a nic...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792560
[S1] ... and vacations and fly all my friends first class all around the world and I would just go to Japan for a month and go here for a month and do whatever the fuck I wanted. That's when I was on the most amount of drugs because here I am with all this money- [S2] Still not happy. [S1] ... all this stuff and now I'...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792561
[S1] I didn't know yet. That was my first awakening. That was like the first moment that I was like, okay, what is wrong? So I took like a couple thousand dollars worth of pills and dumped them down the toilet and just went cold turkey sober. [S2] Okay. [S1] And I mean, I probably took like 30 to 40 pills a day. [S2] D...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792564
[S1] I don't know if I would say I had a drug problem, 'cause I don't believe in the word addict, but I knew that I was in complete darkness and I was trying to f- be connected to the light. And when you take drugs, you have that little spark of light. It's like that flash of light. And so I constantly wanted that flas...
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[S1] Um, I think he's, he has the capabilities of being a phenomenal father. [S2] Got it. [S1] It's a tricky thing when you say, "Is someone a good dad?" Because I used to always go around saying he's a phenomenal father, but then I slowly started being told that to be a phenomenal father, you also have to treat the mo...
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[S1] who wants to have a baby. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like, uh, at 26 years old, I was 26 years old when I had her. That's very young. I got- [S2] Yeah. [S1] You know, so it's like, whoa, wrench in the plan. What the fuck? I think that was the first- [S2] Yeah. You're ruining the fun.
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[S1] That was the first thing that he did not sign up for. So I think that's where it, like, went left turn. Because now, you have a baby, you nurse the baby, now you're gonna go back to work, but I'm not going back to that old lifestyle. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I'm no longer doing drugs. I'm- [S2] Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh-huh. ...
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[S1] But it is God. You're Jewish. [S2] Sure. But we don't really talk about God, 'cause I don't, I don't go to temple. I study Kabbalah, so it's all spirituality. [S1] Now, I'm uneducated on this matter. What's, uh... [S2] Kabbalah is... [S1] What's the difference between Kabbalah and temple? [S2] Kabbalah is spiritua...
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[S1] Look it up. [S2] [LAUGHS] [S1] It's phenomenal. I would say it saved my life. I would say getting pregnant with my baby saved my life, and then this saved my life. [S2] That's great. [S1] Oh, my God, it's huge. [S2] So- [S1] And now I'm raising them like that, 'cause I wouldn't want to raise them in temple, 'cause...
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[S1] Okay, so four years into it. [S2] So four years into the marriage, you make this big change that he didn't sign up for. Was his initial reaction, no? Was his initial reaction, okay, I'll try and do this with you? [S1] No. [S2] I'll t- try and take it on? [S1] No, his initial reaction was the opposite direction. [S...
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[S1] You never did. Okay. So it was, it was basically- [S2] I would say that I- [S1] ... a slow downhill from there.
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[S1] I think it was like an illusion in my own mind. Like, one, I have two parents, like, I believe that my parents should have got divorced many years ago, many, many, when we were children. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And I've had talks with my dad about why he stayed, which is not something I'm gonna talk about, but I came, y...
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[S1] I was staying for the children, child at the time. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I think I also was in the illusion of believing your words but not watching your actions. So I thought that eventually he would wake up. And we're all on our own journey at our own time. And I know that he has such a potential and there's so much l...
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[S1] Let's evolve. [S2] And, and be adults. Yeah. [S1] Yes. 'Cause I wanted to keep evolving, but the universe was like blocking my involvement because I had this dark cloud sitting over top of me.
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[S1] But I had to get out. [S2] So, as a adult, former adult star- [S1] Mm-hmm. [S2] ... you have all these videos of you on the internet. How, does your oldest know about that? Uh, would you have a plan for that of, of telling your kids? [S1] I think she knows some stuff because we've had some issues with a school sit...
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[S1] No problem. [S2] Just because, let me tell you why. Because people are such fucking shitty people and they're so judgmental and they want to be your friends and they want to know all about this juicy details because porn is so around us in LA. [S1] Yeah, everyone watches it.
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[S1] And it, even though it's so taboo, it's so mainstream now. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And so here they see some girl that's pretty, that's married, that's got a kid, that's going to this expensive school, and they wanna get to know her, and they wanna be friends with her. And then they wanna sabotage her, right? I mean, th...
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[S1] I guess. Or maybe it's just- [S2] People like concentration. [S1] Like, to me, I'm kind of like, because I've ignored you because I didn't go after you when I should have. Like, they broke, they, they broke so many laws and I have-
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[S1] One of the most powerful attorneys. And like, within two seconds, it was all shut down, right? [S2] That's good. [S1] That day, it was all shut down. [S2] That's good. [S1] And I don't know if it's 'cause they wanted me to come after them. I don't know if it's because I just cut them out of my life cold turkey. Li...
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[S1] But when people go low, I go high. I just, I don't, you don't fight the darkness. [S2] Right. [S1] So I'm not gonna get into a lawsuit. Even if I know I could win, I still wouldn't go after you because that's just not who I am. I'd rather just be like, "Bye." One, I don't want your dirty money. [S2] Yeah, you don'...
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[S1] The biggest blessing was that you brought me this attorney. And now I've had so many projects with him and my life has done... That's why they say, like, you never kn... Like, when you approach a situation, you never know if it's really a bad situation or is it a blessing. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] This horrific situation...
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[S1] I was going to ask you, so you go to school, you retire, semi-retire from porn. What do you- [S2] The business. [S1] The business. What do you do next for money? I mean, you probably had a lot saved 'cause you were making a lot at the time. [S2] Yeah, I had a lot saved. [S1] Your husband at the time had a job. [S2...
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[S1] Yeah, so he was paying like, and we, what I did was I downsized. I actually filed for bankruptcy. Um, so I dumped all those, let's back up, right? I dumped all those pills in the thing. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Before I got pregnant, I was like, "I'm not doing this." My agent said, "I'm gonna sue you. You have this many ...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792587
[S1] And I have every right to say I don't want to do it. [S2] Yeah. [S1] I filed for bankruptcy. I get out of this house, this multi-million dollar house. I get out of all these cars and I move into a small apartment. It wasn't that small, like a townhouse apartment. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] I mean, there's a huge difference...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792588
[S1] Now I'm in a different house because of the split or whatever. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] But I just downsized. I downsized my whole life and I started over completely. So I humble-ized myself. One, I lost all my friends who I thought were friends because when you stop paying for people, people don't want to be around you....
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792589
[S1] I don't, you know what it is? It's called a, I don't know who I am thing, and I need people to acknowledge me for the wrong reasons. [S2] And part of it's just hypnotized by media and, "Oh, you're a girl. This is what we're supposed to like. We love shopping. Oh, look at all these other girls. Oh, look at- [S1] It...
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[S1] And they need to wake up. [S2] Right. [S1] And you could leave by example. [S2] But sometimes you have to have, you have to think about it to get to that conclusion. [S1] Of course, of course. So you ask me, how am I ever going to tell her? I think she kind of knows something- [S2] Got it. [S1] ... because of the ...
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[S1] I don't even know how you would word it. Like, people judge you for things that are none of their business. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] Do you know what I mean? [S2] Definitely. [S1] And, um, so I think she learned a little bit because it was something very specific that they were saying that I did. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And it...
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bilibili_data_67960599_BV1yf4y167Y3_BV1yf4y167Y3_m4-dialogue_0792593
[S1] I want her to be so smart, to the point of, I'll give you an example of a story. We're in the bathroom, years ago, she was young, maybe five years old, with another gir- another girl. [S2] Girl. [S1] And I'm changing my tampon.
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[S1] And the little girl is like, "What is that?" And it's not like they can actually see, right? So let's not make this weird. [S2] Right. [S1] But I'm a woman with two other girls in the bathroom. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And my daughter, she's like, "Oh, Mom's on her period. She's changing her tampon. You'll get your period ...
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[S1] This is science. This is what happens. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Like, this is why I'm cranky. This is why I'm craving chocolate. This is why I'm bleeding. This is why I don't have a baby, 'cause babies are coming out. You know, like, let's... Biology. When I was gonna give birth to her sister, we used... We watched a bunch...
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[S1] No, she's so incredibly enlightened. And part of him, he doesn't agree with a lot of that. But- [S2] I know for me as a kid, I just wanted to know everything. [S1] Me too. And I learned everything on the street. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I don't want my children doing that. [S2] And if someone told me, "You can't know a...
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[S1] they have to be informed. They have to know what's up. [S2] Yeah. [S1] And I don't want her to be in a room where a man is locking her in the room. [S2] Right. [S1] Nor do I want her to seek validation in a man. [S2] Or if she's in that situation- [S1] Know what to do. [S2] ... for her to be able to get out of it....
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[S1] Yeah, but that's like the $64,000 question. Like, how do you tell your child you did porn? I don't think it's something that I'm gonna have to actually sit down and tell her. I think she's naturally gonna understand. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] You know, like, I mean, she seen me on Californication. My boobs were out. [S2] ...
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[S1] I was on an episode or two of those. I was on two episodes of that, and in one of the episodes, like, I start getting undressed because we're supposed to have sex, but we don't actually have sex. But it starts with, like, me undressing my shirt in one of the episodes. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] And she sees this. This is c...
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[S1] Like, I don't think, like, the porn thing is really something that's, like, that mind-boggling to me. It's more of society- [S2] Sure. [S1] ... that I have to deal with, like the school situation- [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] ... or, like, other kids. That's where I want to kind of get ahead of it. But that kind of did. That...
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[S1] Um, I'm writing a book that I've been working on for a long time. I say I've been writing it for a long time. It's actually written, but I just have a problem with like, letting go of it. It's a fiction novel. I don't want to talk too much about it, but it's a three-part series. I totally see it being made into a ...
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[S1] Have you sent it to close friends to read or any- [S2] No. [S1] ... like an editor, anything like that? [S2] No. Just my attorney. [S1] What'd he say? [S2] Oh, he loves it, of course. [S1] Well- [S2] But- [S1] I don't know. [S2] ... he's ready for it. [S1] Man up, dude. [S2] I know. I've got to find the right publ...
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[S1] But I also have to get past the part of like, even though you change characters and you change all these things, like your closest family members, they'll be exposed to things that they have no idea about. And so it's all timing, right? I have to, I'm going to put it out this year. That I know. [S2] Okay. [S1] He'...
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[S1] I have to let go of the fact that I'm living for myself and I'm not living to make somebody else happy or comfortable. That's my biggest thing. Like, I don't want to hurt my parents when they read certain stories. [S2] Got it. [S1] Even though it's fictionalized. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] If you understand what I'm saying...
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[S1] I know, that's funny. When you sent me that, at first I was like, "What is he, a therapist?" And then I was like, "I have a therapist that I pay a lot of money to." And then I thought, "No, it's- [S2] I'm not a therapist. [S1] That I know. [S2] But- [S1] But I like a different perspective. [S2] I could help you. [...
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[S1] Yeah. [S2] It seems like, okay, I, I don't know you, but I follow you on social media and it seems like, you know, you're doing all right financially. Are you having any money issues? Are you- [S1] I mean, I don't have money issues. [S2] I mean, you know how- [S1] But I want to make more money. [S2] You know how t...
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[S1] Sure, but nothing wrong with it. It helps you make a little money. [S2] A lot of money. [S1] You put a lot of work into the book. [S2] My whole life. [S1] There you go. So if you made a little- [S2] Thousands of journal entries. [S1] So if you made some money off of it, it's not hurting anyone. [S2] I know. I'm ki...
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[S1] That's another way to make money, off social media. [S2] Right. [S1] Podcasting. [S2] Instagram, I have less than 100,000. [S1] Uh-huh. [S2] That's all body image. So to me, it was like the universe saying, "Okay, using your voice is obviously more powerful than using your body because this platform is growing non...
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[S1] I think it's like you said. [S2] You just keep going. [S1] You got a book you're sitting on, you want to start a podcast, you got a little corp. [S2] I know, I say all that stuff. [S1] Those are all, those are all ways to make money. But it's tough. You're also a mom. You got two kids. [S2] With no help. [S1] With...
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[S1] So it's almost, yeah, so it's almost, it's hard, it's very hard to make money in psychology. [S2] I don't want to make any money in psychology. [S1] Number one major. [S2] I went there just to try to figure myself out. [S1] Right. [S2] But what I learned about therapists, most therapists, is they like to ruminate ...
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[S1] So the first, I'll say- [S2] I have a divorce issue. [S1] Oh, there you go. Yeah. [S2] Not really. I don't have an issue. [S1] The first, this is the second episode where we're doing this segment. The first episode was my friend Trey and his issue was his girlfriend wants to, uh, peg him. [S2] What does that mean?...
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[S1] Oh, interesting. Uh, I, I told him, but so his, his issue I brought up is how for him to get out of it. And I, so I told him- [S2] Say no. [S1] ... "Tell her you don't want to do it. It's that simple." [S2] What kind of woman wants to do that anyway? [S1] His girlfriend, I guess. I don't know. But why would that d...
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[S1] Absolutely. You're completely dominating him. [S2] Mm-hmm. [S1] So then at what point is he masculine to you? [S2] Right. That's, oh, there you go. I'm not try- [S1] I would not be into that. [S2] I would have to try this and that. [S1] I would not be into that at all. [S2] I wouldn't be into it. [S1] I mean, I di...
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[S1] In a, in one sense, that's good 'cause it seems, I don't want to say easier than a normal scene, but- [S2] No, it's much harder than a normal scene. [S1] Oh, it is. I was gonna say at least nothing- [S2] Because to me, a man is strong and protective and, you know, takes care of you and like- [S1] Yeah. [S2] And a ...
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[S1] Because he was just like- [S2] 'Cause I was just like- [S1] He's a little bitch. [S2] Exactly. [S1] After that day. [S2] Exactly. [S1] Like, "Dude, I can't go get lunch with you. I just fucked you." [S2] Exactly. So I would say, "Do not do that, Trey, whoever Trey is." [S1] It's funny- [S2] It's a bad idea. [S1] Y...
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[S1] In general. [S2] In general. You can't flip it. You'd find that- [S1] But that's natural. [S2] And I know. But it's just funny in today's with all the sexism bullshit and all the, not bullshit, but you know what I mean? Where if a girl- [S1] We've all gotten way too sensitive. [S2] Yeah, we've all gotten so sensit...
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[S1] That's why I said one day I said- [S2] Think about how many divorces and, you know- [S1] Yeah, I've seen them in my family. [S2] Yeah. [S1] Um, that's why I said the other day I wrote on Twitter, I was like, "Would it be easier to go through a divorce if you hated the person or if you loved the person? Like, which...
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[S1] And I don't know, I think it makes it harder because he has caused me so much pain and I have to rise above the pain that I have, the ways that he's let me down. I have to rise above all of that and I have to smile and I have to eat crow every time I see him when the kids are around. [S2] Right. But that'll get ea...
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[S1] Physically waking up or mentally waking up? [S2] Spiritually waking up. [S1] Spiritually waking up. Even if he doesn't, it'll still get easier because you're gonna, okay, this is just what I'm dealing with in my life. This is my life. [S2] Yeah, I think it's more of my own lesson to accept that he did not protect ...
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