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THE PEZ DISPENSER | THE PEZ DISPENSER Written by Larry David (Jerry's Apartment) GEORGE ...pianist. A classical pianist. She plays the piano. She's a brilliant woman. I-I-I sat in her living room... She played the Waldstein Sonata! The Waldstein! GEORGE We did a crossword puzzle together, in bed. It was the most fun I ever had in my entir... |
THE SERENITY NOW | THE SERENITY NOW Written by Steve Koren (The Costanzas are driving in the car.) FRANK I got no leg room back here. Move your seat forward. ESTELLE That's as far as it goes. FRANK There's a mechanism. You just pull it, and throw your body weight. ESTELLE I pulled it. It doesn't go. FRANK If you want the leg room, say yo... |
THE BRIS | THE BRIS Written by Larry Charles INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (1) STAN ...And so the baby's head comes out, and I'm screaming and my brother who's been videotaping the whole thing turns green, his eyes roll up in his head and he blacks out, drops the camera, the camera breaks, then , the placenta comes flying out. ELAINE ... |
THE REVENGE | THE REVENGE Written by Larry David LEVITAN Remind me to tell you what we did in Lake George. (laughing) Get this...I got it all on video. (laughing) GEORGE That's it. This is it. I'm done. Through. It's over. I'm gone. Finished. Over. I will never work for you again. Look at you. (laughing) You think you're an importan... |
THE CONTEST | THE CONTEST Written by Larry David (Monk's Coffee shop) (Jerry and Kramer are sitting opposite Elaine at a booth, eating lunch) JERRY (To Elaine) Let me ask you a question. ELAINE Mm-hm. JERRY You're a hostage, captured by terrorists- ELAINE (Smiling, chewing) Who, me? JERRY You, anybody - whatever. You're in the littl... |
THE LITTLE KICKS | THE LITTLE KICKS Written by Spike Feresten (Jerry and Kramer walking down the street. Jerry is closest to the street.) KRAMER I wouldn't walk over there. JERRY Why not? KRAMER It's the most dangerous part of the sidewalk. Cab hops a curb, wap! You've had your last egg sandwich. JERRY What about over there? You know air... |
THE JUNK MAIL | THE JUNK MAIL Written by Spike Feresten JERRY, ON THE PHONE Yeah. Yeah. All right. Uh-huh. Chinese food! GEORGE Who was it? JERRY I did a show for a car dealership and they're getting me a new SAAB. GEORGE What about your old car? They couldn't get Kramer's blood out of it? JERRY No, the engine clotted. You know who se... |
THE TRIP PART 1 | THE TRIP PART 1 Written by Larry Charles (George and Jerry enter Monk's Coffee Shop) GEORGE Kramer was on Murphy Brown? JERRY Yeah. GEORGE Are you sure? JERRY Yeah. GEORGE Murphy Brown, the TV show. JERRY C'mon, will ya? GEORGE Kramer was on Murphy Brown? That son of a gun! JERRY Something, isn't it? GEORGE With Candac... |
THE DOLL | THE DOLL Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Comedy club) (Jerry is just now getting done with his act) JERRY Thank you! Goodnight! (Walks off stage, sighing deeply. Instantly, a red-headed woman runs up and hugs him - taking Jerry by surprise) SALLY Jerry! JERRY (Trying to ward her off) Hey. Hey! SALLY (Reminding him ... |
THE STAKEOUT | THE STAKEOUT Written by Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld (Opening comedy) JERRY So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of them, her total was eight dollars, the other three dollars. They both of course choose to pay by the use of the (pause and gesture to audience for response) AUDIENCE Cheque JE... |
THE CHEEVER LETTERS | THE CHEEVER LETTERS Written by Larry David (Jerry's apartment) (Jerry and George enter with some plastic bags) JERRY She hasn't told her father yet? GEORGE No. We're supposed to tell him tonight. JERRY "We're"? What do you mean, "We're"? GEORGE Susan wants me to be there. JERRY You're meetin' the father for the first t... |
THE STAND IN | THE STAND-IN Written by Larry David (Comedy Club) JERRY The bus is the single stupidest, fattest, slowest, most despised vehicle on the road. Isn't it? You ever notice when you get behind the bus, people in your car go 'what are you doing? get away, come on.' The back of the bus is like an eclipse isn't it? people are ... |
THE SHOES | THE SHOES Written by Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry and George in Jerry's apartment, working on the script for the "Jerry" pilot episode.) GEORGE Wait a second, wait a second...and then the butler says, "I'm not cleanin' it up! I'm sick of cleaning!" JERRY That's funny, that's funny! "I'm sick of cleaning." That's... |
THE WINK | THE WINK Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Elaine's bedroom - phone rings) ELAINE Hello. JAMES This is your wake up service. It's 7:15. ELAINE Oh, god. OH, I could use a few more hours sleep. JAMES Hot date last night? ELAINE I wish. JAMES A woman with a sexy voice like yours its hard to believe you're waking up alon... |
THE LABEL MAKER | THE LABEL MAKER Written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer (Comedy club) Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify. Because the players are always changing, the team can move to another city, you're actually rooting for the clothes when you get right down to it. You know what I mean, you are standing and che... |
THE PUFFY SHIRT | THE PUFFY SHIRT Written by Larry David (Jerry's apartment) (Jerry and George are waiting for Kramer, so he can help them move George's stuff back into his parent's house) GEORGE I can't believe this! JERRY Oh, it won't be for that long. GEORGE How can I do this?! How can I move back in with those people? Please, tell m... |
THE GLASSES | THE GLASSES Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (nightclub) JERRY I never get enough sleep. I stay up late at night, cause I'm Night Guy. Night Guy wants to stay up late. 'What about getting up after five hours sleep?', oh that's Morning Guy's problem. That's not my problem, I'm Night Guy. I stay up as late as I want. S... |
THE MONEY | THE MONEY Written by Peter Mehlman (Kramer's Apartment) Kramer and Emily are in bed, having just finished their lovemaking. They're both looking very satisfied and smiling. KRAMER Well, that was alright, huh? EMILY Yeah. KRAMER Well, um, goodnight. EMILY Goodnight. snuggles up to him and puts an arm around him. Kramer ... |
THE JIMMY | THE JIMMY Written by Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin (The New York Health Club. Jerry, Kramer and George are getting dressed) GEORGE That guy was amazing, he could dunk and he was my height...What was his name again? JERRY Jimmy GEORGE Jimmy, right. JERRY I dunno how you could forget . He kept reffering to himself in the thir... |
THE OLD MAN | THE OLD MAN Written by Larry Charles (Monk's) GEORGE Oh, what's the point? When I like them, they don't like me, when they like me, I don't like them. Why can't I act with the ones I like the same way I do with the ones I don't like? JERRY Well, you've only got another fifty years or so to go before it'll *all* be over... |
THE VAN BUREN BOYS | THE VAN BUREN BOYS Written by Darin Henry (A Restaurant) ELLEN So, they have this clock now, where you punch in your age, and all your risk factors. It actually counts down how much time you have left to live. JERRY So what's the great moment? You're on your death bed, they're pounding on your chest - and you're going ... |
THE OPERA | THE OPERA Written by Larry Charles (Comedy club) The idea behind the tuxedo is the woman's point of view that men are all the same, so we might as well dress them that way. That's why a wedding is like the joining together of a beautiful glowing bride, and some guy. The tuxedo is a wedding safety device created by wome... |
THE LITTLE JERRY | THE LITTLE JERRY Written by Jennifer Crittenden (Jerry and Elaine are waiting on the street for George.) JERRY So what happened to you yesterday? We were supposed to go to the auto show, I waited for you, you never came. ELAINE I'm sorry, I got really busy. How long did you wait? JERRY Five minutes. ELAINE Five minutes... |
THE SUICIDE | THE SUICIDE Written by Tom Leopold (Comedy club) The thing I don't understand about the suicide person is the people who try and commit suicide for some reason they don't die and that's it. They stop trying. Why? Why don't they just keep trying? What has changed? Is their life any better now? No. In fact it's worse bec... |
THE SHOWER HEAD | THE SHOWER HEAD Written by Peter Mehlman & Marjorie Gross (Elaine in a doctor's office) ELAINE Mr. Peterman sent me over here for a physical because as you may or may not know, he and I are going on a trip to Kenya. Africa. My first such mission for the company. The Massai bushmen wear these great sandals and we're gon... |
THE BETRAYAL | THE BETRAYAL Written by Peter Mehlman & David Mandel (Coffee shop. George, Elaine, and Jerry enter with suitcases. Elaine has a large bandage on her nose. They all sit down at a booth. All three of them are tired, fed up, and angered) GEORGE So, Elaine, are you going to sleep with me or what?! ELAINE (Aggravated) Georg... |
THE SOUP NAZI | THE SOUP NAZI Written by Spike Feresten GEORGE All right. So, what theatre you wanna go to tonight? We got 61st and 3rd or 84th and Broadway. JERRY Which one you wanna go to shmoopy? SHEILA You called me shmoppy. You're a shmoopy. JERRY You're a shmoopy! SHEILA You're a shmoopy! JERRY You're a shmoopy! GEORGE All right... |
THE DIPLOMAT'S CLUB | THE DIPLOMAT'S CLUB Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Comedy club) JERRY What's this little scam the airlines have goin' now with these special clubs? Hundred fifty dollars a year to sit in a room, eat peanuts, drink coffee and soda, and read magazines. Excuse me, but isn't this the flight? I already got four hours o... |
THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW | THE MERV GRIFFIN SHOW Written by Bruce Eric Kaplan (Jerry and Kramer in an alley) JERRY Why were you making gravel? KRAMER Well ... I like the sound it makes when you walk on it. Hey, those look familiar. JERRY Of course. It's garbage. KRAMER No, no, no, no. These brown things. The chairs. Jerry, this is the set from t... |
THE ABSTINENCE | THE ABSTINENCE Written by Steve Koren (Jerry and George are sitting outside.) GEORGE Say you, me, and Kramer are, uh, flying over the Andes. JERRY Why are we flyin' over the Andes? GEORGE We got a soccer game in Chile. Anyway, the plane crashes. Who are you gonna eat to survive? JERRY Kramer. GEORGE So fast? What about... |
THE SOUL MATE | THE SOUL MATE Written by Peter Mehlman George at a meeting at the Susan Ross Foundation. GEORGE You want me to find a poem about Susan? May she rest in peace?! WYCK Well, we think it would be a nice touch for the Foundation literature. Do you have a favorite poet, George? GEORGE I like, uh...(mutters something unintell... |
THE STOCK TIP | THE STOCK TIP Written by Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld (Nightclub) JERRY Went out to dinner the other night. Check came at the end of the meal, as it always does. Never liked the check at the end of the meal system, because money's a very different thing before and after you eat. Before you eat money has no value. And y... |
THE CARTOON | THE CARTOON Written by Bruce Eric Kaplan (Some street, Jerry and Kramer walking) JERRY So you're saying UNICEF is a scam? KRAMER It's the perfect cover for a money laundering operation. No one can keep track of all those kids with the little orange boxes of change. JERRY Oh! No it's Sally Weaver. We see Sally from a di... |
THE SUBWAY | THE SUBWAY Written by Larry Charles (Monk's Cafe, the whole gang at a booth) KRAMER All right, Coney Island. Ok, you can take the B or the F and switch for the N at Broadway Lafayette, or you can go over the bridge to DeKalb and catch the Q to Atlantic Avenue, then switch to the IRT 2, 3, 4 or 5, but don't get on the G... |
THE WAIT OUT | THE WAIT OUT Written by Peter Mehlman (The Coffee Shop) (Elaine and Jerry are sitting across from each other in a booth) JERRY New hairdo? ELAINE (Looking up from a menu) Yeah. JERRY You look like Brenda Starr. ELAINE Is that good? JERRY It's better than Dondi. (Elaine laughs, then draws her attention to a table across... |
THE PIE | THE PIE Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Monk's coffee shop, evening) (Jerry and his date, Audrey, are sitting at a booth having dinner) AUDREY Hum! That was really good! JERRY Yeah. Are you full? AUDREY Oh no, I've had just enough. (Waitress brings dessert) JERRY Here we go... apple pie! Best apple pie in the city.... |
THE POTHOLE | THE POTHOLE Written by Steve O'Donnell & Dan O'Keefe (Bathroom) Jerry is standing by the sink, preparing to brush his teeth. Jenna (his latest ladyfriend) enters. JENNA Morning. JERRY Morning. She hands him a tube of toothpaste. JENNA Hope you don't mind baking soda flavour. JERRY (applying paste to brush) Ah, baking s... |
GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS | GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS Written by Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld (Comedy club) JERRY You know, why we're here? To be out, this is out...and out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People...did you ever hear people talking about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about...this whole thing, w... |
THE NOSE JOB | THE NOSE JOB Written by Peter Mehlman (Comedy club) Can you give me an explanation as to why the pharmacist has to be two-and-a-half feet up above everybody else? What the hell is he doing, he can't be down there on the floor with you and me? Brain surgeons, airline pilots, nuclear physicists, we're all on the same lev... |
THE SCOFFLAW | THE SCOFFLAW Written by Peter Mehlman (Comedy club) JERRY The big new accessory with eyeglasses, seems to be that strap, that connects in the back so you can take 'em on and off. Which I don't get, because I thought, if you have glasses, isn't that because you need to wear glasses? 'You need glasses', isn't that what t... |
THE SWITCH | THE SWITCH Written by Bruce Kirschbaum & Sam Kass (Pro shop at Manhattan Plaza Racquet Club) JERRY Come on. Lets go ELAINE No wait, I gotta go in here and pick up Mr. Pitt's tennis recquet. JERRY What's it doin here? ELAINE He wanted to have it restrung. (to clerk) Here I need to pick that up LANDIS Hello ELAINE Oh, Hi... |
THE MOM AND POP STORE | THE MOM AND POP STORE Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Comedy club) JERRY I like the names they have for cars. Like, no baron has ever owned a LeBaron. Or the Ford LTD. "LTD." Limited. It's a "limited" edition...what did they make, fifty million of those? "Yes, it's 'limited' to the number we can sell." Or when they... |
THE SEVEN | THE SEVEN Written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer (Comedy club) Jerry's standup piece. JERRY I love it when people are complimented on something they're wearing and they accept the compliment as if it was about them. "Nice tie." "Well, thank you. Thank you very much." The compliment is for the tie, it's not for you, but w... |
THE BARBER | THE BARBER Written by Andy Robin MR. TUTTLE Well George we here at Sanalac like to think of ourselves as a fairly progressive company. We have a small but prestigious group of clients. GEORGE Well a lot of people consider me small and prestigious. MR. TUTTLE That's funny George. You're very quick. I feel like I, like I... |
THE DOORMAN | THE DOORMAN Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Comedy club) JERRY You remember a few years ago in New York, we had the doorman strike? They have a union, in the fancy buildings, and they went out on strike. Now you wouldthink, if any group of people would not wanna demonstrate what life would be like without them, it ... |
THE STRONG BOX | THE STRONG BOX Written by Dan O'Keefe & Billy Kimball George, drinking tea in his apartment with his girlfriend. GEORGE I-I've given this a lot of thought. I'm sorry, but we, uh, we have to break up. MAURA No. MAURA We're not breaking up. MAURA No. GEORGE She said no. JERRY What did you do? GEORGE What could I do? We f... |
THE SUMMER OF GEORGE | THE SUMMER OF GEORGE Written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer (George and Jerry at a cafe terrace) JERRY Nah, you had a good run. Took them to the World Series. GEORGE I got to give the players most of the credit for that. JERRY Don't sell yourself short. You made all the flight arrangements, hotels, buses. GEORGE No, I do... |
THE VOICE | THE VOICE Written by Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer & David Mandel (In the Play Now office) THOMASSOULO George, you're not really handicapped, are you? GEORGE I've had my difficulties. THOMASSOULO I saw you running down Amsterdam Avenue lifting that 200 pound motorized cart with one hand. GEORGE Mr. Thomassoulo during times ... |
THE CIGAR STORE INDIAN | THE CIGAR STORE INDIAN Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Comedy club) Jerry's standup piece. JERRY You can always tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to just freeze that clothing style and just ride it out to the end, don't they? And it's not like they don't continue shopping, it's ju... |
THE FROGGER | THE FROGGER Written by Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Steve Koren & Dan O'Keefe INT. J. PETERMAN LUNCHROOM - DAY Elaine and several co-workers stand around a table which has a cake sitting on it. ALL Happy birthday to you. WALTER Thanks. Everyone claps. FEMALE WORKER Elaine, cake? ELAINE Uh, no, thanks. FEMALE WORKER It's Wa... |
THE REVERSE PEEPHOLE | THE REVERSE PEEPHOLE Written by Spike Feresten (Waitress giving Elaine her meal at Monk's.) WAITRESS Careful, this plate is extremely hot. Elaine touching the plate. ELAINE Thank you. Ow! WAITRESS I just told you it was hot. Why'd you touch it? ELAINE I just wanted to know what your idea of 'hot' is. Puddy entering Mon... |
THE BIG SALAD | THE BIG SALAD Written by Larry David (Comedy club) It's fascinating. When you go into a stationery store that they're manufacturing millions of pens; constantly we're all buying them. I must have bought six thousand Bics in my life. I've used up maybe two of them. Where are the rest of them? When you move the refrigera... |
THE SECRETARY | THE SECRETARY Written by Carol Leifer & Marjorie Gross (Comedy club) I don't even know what, what is supposed to be attractive about fur? Why does a man want to see a woman in a fur? Men want women to shave their legs, shave their armpits, pluck their eyebrows and then before we go out, we dress them up like a bear. To... |
THE POOL GUY | THE POOL GUY Written by David Mandel (Jerry's apartment) GEORGE Let me ask you a question. Who would win in a fight between you and me? JERRY Well, what do you mean? GEORGE Well if you and I ever got into, like a really serious fight you know, and the punches started flying -- who do you think would win? JERRY Well I t... |
THE PLEDGE DRIVE | THE PLEDGE DRIVE Written by Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Comedy club) There's something very insincere about these greeting cards we send back and forth to each other all the time. They're like these little one-dollar folded paper emotional prostitutes, isn't it? "I don't know what my feelings are, so I'll just pay some to... |
THE SNIFFING ACCOUNTANT | THE SNIFFING ACCOUNTANT Written by Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry, George and Elaine at Monk's Cafe) JERRY So, does he like you? ELAINE What do you think? JERRY You like him? ELAINE Yeah, yeah like him, definitely like him. I like him a lot. GEORGE What's wrong with him? ELAINE Nothing, and I've looked. GEORGE Wel... |
THE GYMNAST | THE GYMNAST Written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer (Comedy club) JERRY I've never been able to figure out why they make these bizarre toilet seats that they have. You know, like those clear Lucite ones, with all the, the coins in it? It's a lovely tribute to our past president, by the way. It's not bad enough Lincoln got... |
THE MAID | THE MAID Written by Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, David Mandel, Kit Boss & Peter Mehlman INT. MONK'S RESTAURANT - DAY George and Jerry sit at their usual booth. JERRY Cup of tea with lemon. GEORGE What happened to your voice? JERRY I was screamin' at hecklers all night. The last time I open for a rodeo. GEORGE Well, Jerry,... |
THE BEARD | THE BEARD Written by Carol Leifer (Jerry's apartment) JERRY Look at you. Why don't you use a fork? You're no good with the sticks. ELAINE I know. I need a lesson. JERRY You stink. You know you stink. What is this? ELAINE Oh. My ballet tickets. JERRY Oh. Your ballet tickets. ELAINE Hey, have you ever been to the ballet?... |
THE DINNER PARTY | THE DINNER PARTY Written by Larry David (Comedy club) We never should have landed a man on the moon. It's a mistake. Now everything is compared to that one accomplishment. I can't believe they could land a man on the moon . . . and taste my coffee! I think we all would have been a lot happier if they hadn't landed a ma... |
THE FOUNDATION | THE FOUNDATION Written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer The cemetery. Jerry, George, and the Rosses are standing in front of Susan's tombstone, which reads "Susan Biddle Ross, June 8, 1964 - May 19, 1996.") GEORGE Well... it's a magnificent stone. MR. ROSS They put it up this morning. (pause.) GEORGE It's just a magnificen... |
THE SOUP | THE SOUP NAZI Written by Spike Feresten GEORGE All right. So, what theatre you wanna go to tonight? We got 61st and 3rd or 84th and Broadway. JERRY Which one you wanna go to shmoopy? SHEILA You called me shmoppy. You're a shmoopy. JERRY You're a shmoopy! SHEILA You're a shmoopy! JERRY You're a shmoopy! GEORGE All right... |
THE PITCH | THE PITCH Written by Larry David (At club bar) Jerry and George are talking. Stu and Jay enter. STU Excuse me, Jerry? I'm Stu Chermak. I'm with NBC. JERRY Hi. STU Could we speak for a few moments? JERRY Sure. JAY Hi, Jay Crespi. JERRY Hello. GEORGE Uh, C-R-E-S-P-I? JAY That's right. GEORGE I'm unbelievable at spelling ... |
THE LIMO | THE LIMO Written by Larry Charles (Comedy club) Do you think that the people at the airport that run the stores have any idea what the prices are every place else in the world? Or do you think they just feel they have their own little country out there and they can charge anything they want? You're hungry? Tuna sandwic... |
THE CADDY | THE CADDY Written by Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin (Jerry's Apartment) JERRY So why don't you get a locksmith? GEORGE I was going to, but then I found out that the auto club has this free locksmith service, so I signed up. Just waiting for the membership to kick in. JERRY How long has your car been sitting in the Yankee par... |
THE JUNIOR MINT | THE JUNIOR MINT Written by Andy Robin (Comedy club) JERRY You can't just *have* an adultery-- you *commit* adultery. And you can't even *commit* adultery unless you already *have* a commitment. So you have to make the commitment before you can even think about committing it. There's no commit without the commit. Then, ... |
THE BABY SHOWER | THE BABY SHOWER Written by Larry Charles (Night club) JERRY Men flip around the television more than women, I think. Men get that remote control in their hands, they don't even know what the hell they're watching. You know, we just keep going, "Rerun, don't wanna watch it.. " "What are you watching?" "I don't care, I g... |
THE CHECKS | THE CHECKS Written by Steve O'Donnell, Tom Gammill & Max Pross (Street) Jerry and Elaine come out of a drugstore. Elaine has a couple of carrier bags she's fussing with the contents of. JERRY Hey, have you seen all these new commercials for indigestion drugs? Pepcid AC, Tagemat HB. ELAINE Ugh, the whole country's sick ... |
THE FRIARS CLUB | THE FRIARS CLUB Written by David Mandel (Comedy club) JERRY The other thing I love is when you're in the middle of a dream, and the alarm goes off. You incorporate the sound of the alarm into the dream, so you can keep sleeping. And you'll make any adjustment in the dream to do it. I was with Marie Antoinette in a drea... |
THE FATIGUES | THE FATIGUES Written by Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin Jerry and a woman are eating at a restaurant. WOMAN Well I started out working in mortgage bonds, but I just found that so limiting. JERRY My friend Kramer and I were discussing that same thing the other day. He was with Brant-Leland for a while. WOMAN Wow. Well then my ... |
THE WIFE | THE WIFE Written by Peter Mehlman (Comedy club) Of all the places that you go all the time, the dry-cleaning relationship is one of the most bizarre. Because you keep giving each other the same thing, back and forth, over and over again. He gives it to you, you give it to him, he gives it back to you. It's like it's ha... |
THE STATUE | THE STATUE Written by Larry Charles (Night club) JERRY I have to tell you that I did some very exciting news recently, and I don't know if I should really tell you exactly what it is because it's really not a definite thing yet. Well, I will tell you what I know so far. According to the information that I have in the e... |
THE ANDREA DORIA | THE ANDREA DORIA Written by Spike Feresten (Jerry's apartment) (Jerry's sitting at the table, reading the paper. George bursts into the room) GEORGE Jerry! (Slams the door) Georgie's moving out! JERRY (Gets up) Get out! GEORGE I'm out! Fantastic apartment right across from mine, huh. I can't wait for you to see it. JER... |
THE BUBBLE BOY | THE BUBBLE BOY Written by Larry David & Larry Charles (Jerry and Naomi enter Jerry's apartment) JERRY Well this is it. NAOMI This is nice. Thanks again for the Chinese food. JERRY Oh, you're welcome. You know I think I ate too much of that garlic. NAOMI Yeah, me too, JERRY No, I ate the whole plate. I didn't know those... |
THE AIRPORT | THE AIRPORT Written by Larry Charles (Comedy club) JERRY ...cramped seat, working on a tiny computer; there's always a small problem "There'll be a slight delay, we'll be a *little* late, if you could be a *little* *patient*! We're just trying to get one of those *little* trucks to pull us up just a *little* closer to ... |
THE BUSBOY | THE BUSBOY Written by Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld (Night club) JERRY I'm not a foodie. I don't, "Oh, this is too rare. Oh, it's too salty." Just eat it and shut up. I'll eat anywhere, whatever they're having. I have eaten rotten rolls off of room service trays in hotel hallways. I have. It's not a joke. This is my lif... |
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