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https://www.theonion.com/man-not-himself-until-he-has-so-much-coffee-he-feels-li-1819576922
man not himself until he has so much coffee he feels like he's going to die
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/snl-draw-muhammad_n_7252262.html
snl praised for 'draw muhammad' skit
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/elizabeth-warren-donald-trump-inauguration-bill-maher_us_59043763e4b0bb2d086ec25a
elizabeth warren reveals why she just had to attend donald trump's inauguration
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/are-you-living-your-divorce-or-living-your-life_us_58c54d66e4b0a797c1d39de0
are you living your divorce or living your life?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/veggie-burger-hi-tech_n_5240400.html
a hi-tech veggie burger so good, it'll convert meat eaters
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-not-to-do-during-an-interview_b_6212458.html
what not to do during an interview
0
https://www.theonion.com/exhausted-doctor-to-wake-up-early-finish-surgery-in-mo-1819569358
exhausted doctor to wake up early, finish surgery in morning
1
https://local.theonion.com/area-woman-cant-understand-concept-of-suggested-donatio-1819566042
area woman can't understand concept of suggested donation
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/power-companies-could-use-drones-to-save-lives-cut-costs_us_56531d25e4b0d4093a5844a3
power companies could use drones to save lives, cut costs
0
https://local.theonion.com/local-play-well-attended-by-friends-family-1819565654
local play well-attended by friends, family
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/firefighters-turned-away-from-exclusive-nightclub-blaze-1819569929
firefighters turned away from exclusive nightclub blaze
1
https://www.theonion.com/speculation-on-name-of-royal-baby-ends-1819591146
speculation on name of royal baby ends
1
https://www.theonion.com/lowe-s-debuts-new-travel-plunger-with-collapsible-handl-1819592726
lowe's debuts new travel plunger with collapsible handle
1
https://local.theonion.com/local-man-hates-self-family-others-1819586348
local man hates self, family, others
1
https://politics.theonion.com/clinton-says-badtz-maru-may-be-his-favorite-sanrio-char-1819565384
clinton says badtz-maru may be his favorite sanrio character
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.comhttp://www.ellwoodcityledger.com/brides/essential-rules-to-a-long-lasting-marriage/article_637ca873-2049-5bf2-bb75-730f9f02378d.html
7 essential rules for a long-lasting marriage
0
https://politics.theonion.com/rex-tillerson-shoots-mike-pompeo-quick-email-explaining-1823738923
rex tillerson shoots mike pompeo quick email explaining all the countries
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/tall-women-in-clogs-busts-stereotypes-about-height-gender-and-more_us_559c2743e4b0759e2b5112a3
'tall women in clogs' busts stereotypes about height, gender and more
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-oceans-gentle-giant_b_7142712.html
the ocean's gentle giant
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/no-climate-justice-no-pea_b_8790194.html
no climate justice, no peace
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-predictable-blowback-bahrain_b_6685076.html
the predictable blowback from supporting sectarian authoritarianism in bahrain
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/we-must-increase-food-aid-during-time-of-famine_us_58f8cc02e4b0de26cfeae12b
we must increase food aid during time of famine
0
https://www.theonion.com/excercise-ball-all-the-way-over-there-1819588811
excercise ball all the way over there
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/kerry-washington-being-an-artist-doesnt-mean-i-should-have-less-of-a-voice_us_59400320e4b0e84514ee7d3f
kerry washington: being an artist 'doesn't mean i should have less of a voice'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/no-war-with-syria_us_58e9119de4b00dd8e016ec5c
a message to trump: regime change will not work in syria
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/hillary-clinton-emails_us_5685a14ae4b06fa6888261c9
state department releases more clinton emails
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/man-kills-spider-lighter-gas-station-fire_us_5607f7f1e4b0dd850307edc8
man tries to kill spider with lighter, starts gas station blaze
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sweden-work-hours_n_5446579.html
sweden to experiment with six-hour workday
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/joan-moran-how-to-give-yo_b_5518542.html
joan moran: how to give yourself the gift of time
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/giuliani-state-department-foreign-policy_us_5af0cc4be4b0ab5c3d68c224
loose-lipped rudy giuliani does not represent u.s. on foreign policy, warns state department
0
https://www.theonion.com/papa-john-s-comes-under-fire-for-cruel-treatment-of-the-1820719887
papa john's comes under fire for cruel treatment of the bulbous, deformed creatures that lactate pizza sauce
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/members-of-u2-to-stare-in-different-directions-1819564210
members of u2 to stare in different directions
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/20-ways-not-to-talk-to-yo_b_8616058.html
20 ways not to talk to your teenage daughter - then how to fix things
0
https://www.theonion.com/u-s-to-arab-world-stop-hating-us-or-suffer-the-conseq-1819566233
u.s. to arab world: 'stop hating us or suffer the consequences'
1
https://politics.theonion.com/frustrated-hope-hicks-wishing-she-could-find-one-nice-g-1822879296
frustrated hope hicks wishing she could find one nice guy in this autocratic personality cult
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/memphis-grizzlies-valentines-day-barnes_us_56c1db45e4b08ffac125c499
can you spot what's wrong with the memphis grizzlies' valentine's day graphic?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/bill-moyers-departure-fro_b_6401620.html
bill moyers' departure from tv leaves a huge hole
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-make-this-the-best_1_b_13676642.html
how to make this the best holiday season money can buy
0
https://entertainment.theonion.com/industrial-light-magic-creates-believable-storyline-1819564780
industrial light & magic creates believable storyline
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/starting-unicorn-companie_b_5648076.html
starting unicorn companies: fireeye
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-definitive-list-of-men-youll-find-at-whole-foods_b_6699698.html
the definitive list of men you'll find at whole foods
0
https://politics.theonion.com/epa-chief-pruitt-welcomes-delegation-of-pollution-from-1822795444
epa chief pruitt welcomes delegation of pollution from china
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/comedian-bashes-snl-for-not-casting-an-openly-gay-man-in-30-years_us_5aac18dbe4b0337adf83ab48
comedian bashes 'snl' for not casting an openly gay man in over 30 years
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ivanka-trump-rnc-speech_us_579153d1e4b00c9876ced6ed
ivanka trump suggests her father will change labor laws to benefit women
0
https://local.theonion.com/man-breaks-out-dating-boxers-1819565771
man breaks out dating boxers
1
https://www.theonion.com/researchers-discover-female-frogs-prefer-mate-who-knows-1819575441
researchers discover female frogs prefer mate who knows way around the cloaca
1
https://www.theonion.com/god-pledges-5-000-for-cancer-research-1819576703
god pledges $5,000 for cancer research
1
https://www.theonion.com/national-pork-council-many-americans-suffer-from-pork-1819565090
national pork council: many americans suffer from pork deficiency
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/deputy-spring-valley-high-reprehensible_us_562fda62e4b0c66bae59e741
deputy who flipped spring valley high student acted reprehensibly, school officials say
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/thoughts-on-54-below-bloo_b_10803230.html
thoughts on 54 below, 'blood brothers' and cabaret
0
https://politics.theonion.com/mohawked-rex-tillerson-warns-u-s-democracy-threatened-1826118823
mohawked rex tillerson warns u.s. democracy threatened by plutocratic fascist pigs fucking over the working man
1
https://www.theonion.com/smitten-foot-fetishist-thinking-these-may-be-the-two-1819590746
smitten foot fetishist thinking these may be the two
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/watermelon-vs-mortar_us_573c6b13e4b0646cbeeb93bb
this slo-mo watermelon vs. mortar is another kind of food porn
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-many-women-does-it-take-to-change-a-cable-news_us_58f96dd5e4b0de26cfeae28d
how many women does it take to change a cable news host?
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/university-of-texas-professors-sue_us_577e89cce4b0c590f7e8503b
university of texas professors sue to block guns in classrooms
0
https://local.theonion.com/nation-suspects-leads-in-local-high-school-play-may-be-1819569826
nation suspects leads in local high school play may be dating
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/white-house-defend-trump-tv-sunday-shows_us_599a48fae4b01f6e801f4f4c
literally no one from the white house wants to defend trump on tv right now
0
https://local.theonion.com/area-woman-has-more-than-200-products-to-help-calm-her-1819571819
area woman has more than 200 products to help calm her
1
https://www.theonion.com/ice-agents-feeling-a-little-hurt-that-trump-doesn-t-thi-1825016656
ice agents feeling a little hurt that trump doesn't think they're doing enough to terrorize hispanics
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/whats-your-story_5_b_5407494.html
what's your story?
0
https://politics.theonion.com/gop-recommends-americans-set-aside-income-from-one-of-t-1819579722
gop recommends americans set aside income from one of their jobs to pay for healthcare under new bill
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/north-korea-internet_n_6370310.html
north korea's internet is back up after mass cyber attack
0
https://www.theonion.com/new-extended-paternity-leave-offers-dads-more-time-to-l-1819577964
new extended paternity leave offers dads more time to lose colleagues' respect
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/charlton-heston-gets-serious-1819564483
charlton heston gets serious
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/man-trapped-under-boulder-braces-for-possible-good-morn-1819566982
man trapped under boulder braces for possible good morning america interview
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/scooby-doo-frankencreepy-fat-shaming-movie_n_5694539.html
scooby-doo movie says being a size 8 is a curse
0
https://politics.theonion.com/biden-arrives-early-to-set-up-state-of-the-union-fog-ma-1819577361
biden arrives early to set up state of the union fog machine
1
https://www.theonion.com/funeral-held-for-door-shot-4-times-by-oscar-pistorius-1819574594
funeral held for door shot 4 times by oscar pistorius
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/weird-valentines-day-gift_n_6557916.html
happy valentine's day, weirdo!
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/ferguson-gunfire-protester-struck-by-car_us_57aadbc2e4b06e52746e5eec
gunfire erupts in ferguson after protester is struck by car
0
https://www.theonion.com/king-latifah-returns-for-wife-1819587392
king latifah returns for wife
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/what-narcolepsy-feels-like_us_57727e4de4b0f168323ae149
this disorder feels like 'being awake inside a corpse'
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/wendy-williams-faints-on-live-tv-dressed-as-the-statue-of-liberty_us_59f894d6e4b09b5c25693ab3
wendy williams faints on live tv dressed as the statue of liberty
0
https://local.theonion.com/boyfriend-forced-to-express-secondhand-outrage-1819574626
boyfriend forced to express secondhand outrage
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/prison-escapee-appears-in-court_us_55d5f27ae4b0ab468da01342
prison escapee appears in court
0
https://www.theonion.com/ikea-ceo-wants-new-desk-on-his-desk-by-end-of-day-1819592092
ikea ceo wants new desk on his desk by end of day
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-end-of-innocence-taking-the-bystanding-out-of_us_58b1bc4ee4b02f3f81e44813
the end of innocence: taking the bystanding out of bullying
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trybeatingmelightly-pakistan-wife-beating-bill_us_574c7bd4e4b0dacf7ad54417
#trybeatingmelightly shows pakistani women won't stand for wife-beating bill
0
https://www.theonion.com/political-cartoonist-s-wife-finds-disturbing-nude-drawi-1819576201
political cartoonist's wife finds disturbing nude drawings of uncle sam
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/put-a-summer-spin-on-your-regular-old-salsa_us_55cb60a8e4b0923c12bec88f
put a summer spin on your regular old salsa
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/joe-biden-protester_us_56d24854e4b0bf0dab3267a1
protester heckles joe biden over son's death from brain cancer
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/palestinians-suspicious-of-al-aqsa-surveillance-promoted-by-kerry_us_562d5454e4b0443bb564547a
palestinians suspicious of al-aqsa surveillance promoted by kerry
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/body-slam-ballots-cast-belated-apology_us_59283e17e4b0d2a92f2f4331
body slams, ballots, and belated apologies in montana
0
https://www.theonion.com/neurosurgeon-heckled-from-observation-deck-1819567170
neurosurgeon heckled from observation deck
1
https://entertainment.theonion.com/breaking-thriller-writer-jeffery-deaver-at-top-of-his-1819575423
breaking: thriller writer jeffery deaver at top of his game
1
https://local.theonion.com/woman-decides-period-over-1823514808
woman decides period over
1
https://www.theonion.com/sierra-leone-burns-down-1819586829
sierra leone burns down
1
https://www.theonion.com/zales-introduces-new-line-of-casual-dating-diamond-ring-1819579952
zales introduces new line of casual dating diamond rings
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/san-gabriel-police-asian-american-discrimination_us_5a1d8926e4b04e8b2a84a758
asian-american cops sue california police department over discrimination
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/youre-doing-ok-really_us_58f1299fe4b0da2ff860ab80
12 comics to remind you that you're a flawed but amazing human being
0
https://politics.theonion.com/rubio-refutes-claim-he-soft-on-immigration-by-dragging-1819578531
rubio refutes claim he soft on immigration by dragging undocumented worker he knocked out cold onto stage
1
https://www.theonion.com/kitchenaid-unveils-spring-loaded-toaster-that-allows-ra-1825046205
kitchenaid unveils spring-loaded toaster that allows rad high schoolers to grab breakfast in midair while leaving house
1
https://www.theonion.com/good-cop-avid-stamp-collector-cop-routine-not-working-1819569724
good cop, avid-stamp-collector cop routine not working
1
https://www.theonion.com/it-kind-of-sweet-ceo-thinks-he-doing-good-job-1819579462
it kind of sweet ceo thinks he doing good job
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/with-police-body-cameras-dc-mayor-promises-transparency-with-caveats_us_55f2fae3e4b063ecbfa40fd0
with police body cameras, d.c. mayor promises transparency with caveats
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/boxer-corker-iran-vote_n_7029340.html
barbara boxer tells bob corker it's 'reckless' and 'irresponsible' to vote now on iran bill
0
https://www.theonion.com/cant-go-wrong-with-a-cheeseburger-area-man-reports-1819569941
can't go wrong with a cheeseburger, area man reports
1
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/our-10-favorite-post-gay-movies_b_5715411.html
our 10 favorite post-gay movies
0
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nypd-arrest-death_n_5604208.html
four emergency workers barred from duty following nypd chokehold death
0
https://www.theonion.com/arab-american-third-grader-returns-from-recess-crying-1819566175
arab-american third-grader returns from recess crying, saying he didn't kill anyone
1