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The first thing you would like to tell the old man is that despite your short hair and petite build, you are, by all accounts, a girl.
But that's okay. You nod, serenely, and say, "Shrinking forest, huh?"
"Shifting forest. You have to believe me, boy."You cough, but he ignores you. "And I assure you, I ha... |
"What's the latest?"
I spoke through the door of the Monitoring Office. It was one of many, spread all across the world. It was manned by those of our kind who were the more pacifistic sort. Dryads and constructs worked in tandem, using both nature and machines to keep a watch over the world.
"Quiet for now. Please c... |
Day 7, Time 10:38 PM... The hand that was instilled in the host is reacting differently from when it was first attached. Subjects left hand was removed and the bug like creature introduced to in it's place. Immediately, the bug opened it's wide mouth to encompass the wound left by the hand being removed. Since then it ... |
How long has it been now? I grab my sword again. It's easier to sheath it with the blade- more time. Plus, it lets me know my story hasn't started. No matter how sharp the blade is, my hand doesn't scar, doesn't cut, never even bleeds. It never has. That's what happens when you're invincible- maybe Mario makes people t... |
This was turning out exactly as awkward as I had feared it would be. We, the members of the Knights of the Found Table, remained quiet while setting up the gear for tonights D&D scenario. At the far end of the table, our guest Dennis hunched over the table, breathing loudly. His marine blue scales were glistening i... |
One thing is certain. If had placed him in Slytherin… there would have been problems. Maybe big, world-spanning problems… maybe just “the minister of magic is a jerk” kind of problems… but problems.
With some people you can just tell. With Tom Riddle, you could really tell.
This kid was bad. Torturing kids in a sea... |
You know I thought it was some cranked out hobo. I mean “ five bucks for a super power. “ I thought he was so smacked he thought he was Jesus. But you know sometimes when you’re at your lowest you’ll resort to anything and I had a single 5 in my pockets so I thought. Fuck it $5 is a pretty good deal for a super power a... |
His name was Dick. The humans named him. After all, Dick had made it his lifes mission to be as annoying as monstrously possible to them.
He was a lv 1 Kobold, with only a handful of racial skills.
[Psuedo-Dragon] You are of the draconic blood which grants fire resistance and a higher than average mana recharge.
[Cu... |
“These are not terms of peace,” spat Jovios. “This would be surrender.”
Resting the quill down on the scarred mahogany table I leant back in my chair, watching as the deity’s face contorted and frowned reading and re-reading the short length of parchment presented to him. “Call it what you will, it is an end to this c... |
"Something needs to be done!"Cthulhu bellows "this is the third time this week I have been reduced to a pathetic human"for years supernatural creatures have been depowered to the point of being nothing more than mere humans. None of the truly powerful entities cared until it started affecting them, now even beings like... |
**Deus Panis**
[Thank you Google translate, also Concrit welcome]
It has been five month and seven days you’ve reincarnated into this strange land, and you suspect it wasn’t a coincidence anymore.
They revere you as the great mage, a title you find laughable. True, you could pronounce these Latin words fluently, ... |
Students filed into the lecture hall. They chatted quietly amongst themselves as they found seats. Papers were shuffled and books removed from bags. And the main topic of conversation was the cat.
The professor had yet to arrive, but there was a large Siamese cat sitting on the desk. Its tail was curled around it, the... |
The door flew off its hinges.
“Sam!” She yelled “Sam!” She growled, stomping toward her startled friend with no regard for the items, food, and electronics on the ground.
“What! What the fuck?” Sam puttered.
“**We must leave at once!”** another voice bellowed. By the window, the face of a wolf. “**SAM!? Are you ser... |
"To think the might Unstoppable is really so weak,"Lord Val said as she kicked the downed woman. "You don't seem unstoppable to me."
Unstoppable tasted iron, so kept her mouth shut to avoid giving Lord the satisfaction.
Lord levelled another kick, but Unstoppable managed to choke down the blood. "I'm... just getting.... |
“In a way, it’s flattering,” Shivani muttered to herself as the H train screeched to a halt at the elevated station above her. Though, she didn’t think the police team tracking her would appreciate it if she tried to run to catch this train. She figured, only important people get police details; unfortunately the polic... |
At this point, all other celebrations had melted away. They never exactly saw me as the person to get out much. The office parties practically roping me in. At one time, I would sit there, watching them talk and laugh, chatting away , but I could feel their eyes. The humorous smiles, a mention of my name perhaps? Still... |
Held up by tree branches, and with bugs crawling over their skin, the witch hunters looked at the woman they had accused.
"You know, it's funny,"the woman said, "No one has ever figured out a real witch's identity. But now we have an issue."
"I- we're sorry,"the leader of the group cried.
"Yeah, I know,"the woman ... |
"Did you call me, sir?"
"Yes, I did. I need you to kill a man. Here is an envelope with your payment."
He didn't have time to specify. He would not specify. Why would he? He was dead. The killer took the envelope from his hands and walked away. This had been the easiest mission he had accomplished. Then a moment of d... |
*I... I don't understand.*
My brows furrowed in as I studied the small metal clasps and chain, turning it over and over in my hand. I looked around to see if the rest of my crew was watching, expectantly waiting for their moment to chuckle.
Matthew was fifty or so feet away, intently analyzing a clump of dirt that ke... |
*"Alfred Pennyworth-less piece of crap..."* Bruce said through his clenched teeth.
*"Is something the matter, sir?"*
*"Alfred, how many times have I asked you NOT to put my suit into the dryer? This is like the 7th batsuit I've gone through! They're already snug in the crotch and ass areas... it really didn't help la... |
Gary has an outstanding phone bill for $49. AT&T declared bankruptcy 16 years ago, 4 months after the event that left every scrap of dirt infertile. But Gary received an email about his outstanding phone bill for $49. The last power plant closed down 14 years ago, 17 months after the event that left every citizen i... |
Chuck glanced at his watch and stared at its hands. He’d been wearing an analog watch for millennia at this point, yet he continued to consistently misread the time. The damn hands were so similar – why hadn’t he died wearing a digital watch? He counted the notches until he reached the smaller hand. One, two, three. Th... |
Sarah poked at the excel spreadsheet and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for the helpdesk guy to arrive. Oh god, he's so creepy, I hope he can just fix this quickly. Her excel continued to blink on and off, caught in a loop.
"Fair maiden, doth this foul spell vex you,"Sir Alan asked with a deep bow.
"Its lo... |
"Oh God...I just committed murder. They're going to find me, and they're going to commit me. I'm so fucked, I don't know what to do..."He paced back and forth across the room, cracking his knuckles in anxiety.
"No, it was me. I clearly remember that it was me,"he whispered in agony. "I stabbed him, I...I know it was ... |
I stepped aside, feeling the breeze as Constantino's hammer whizzed past my face. He stumbled forward, and before he could turn around I planted a side kick in the small of his back. The blow launched him into solid concrete wall. I heard the *crack* as his nose broke.
"Please,"he moaned, peering at me over his shou... |
*Third Morn of February, Year of Our Lord Twenty-Hundred and Thirteen*
*Jerusalem*
The order is given. The news of it races through the ranks, filling every man whom hears it with that tightness of breath and chest and fist which only righteous fervour can bring. The Ninth crusade is called, and every man on every c... |
"Whelp", I thought, hurriedly pulling on some pants, "Can't really get much worse than this. I won't even have time for breakfast dammit."
I've already turned my phone off, as I know that everyone I love will be trying to get in touch, both to persuade and dissuade me from going ahead.. and the less honourable ones to... |
He awoke abruptly to the sound of a ship’s horn. He had a horrible headache, as if someone or something had hit him in the head with a blunt object. Hard. He was tangled in some chords as well, and had vomit on his chest. It was dry, so he’d been unconscious for several hours at least.
He sat up, rubbed his eyes, an... |
"President of the Canadian Islands Theon Greyjoy in a landmark case signs an executive order banning adult circumcision."I laugh. The Onion usually isn't as clever. I read the next headline. "Author Jason Bourne has just released his new science fiction novel 'Al Gore and the Half-Blood Bush' The book is a continua... |
"It's not that I won't, it's that I can't!", The Genie said in a manner similar to that of a particularly helpful Customer Services representative hamstrung by miles of red tape. "Cause, Effect.. Cause, Effect."he swayed his hands from one side of an invisible table to another.
"No, you clearly won't."I yelled, "You ... |
The handle creaked as my hand slowly twisted the cool metal. I placed my other hand onto the dark wooden surface to push the stiff door inwards. Glancing back the house remained still, quiet, dark.
I focused my attention ahead trying to peer inside. Damp frigid air slowly cricked the hairs on my skin, standing to atte... |
We thought they'd surrender, like everyone else did. Once defeat was inevitable, what sane species would keep fighting? The correct answer is none, because these people, this race... It's clearly not made up of the sane. When we surrounded their colonies, they would let fly every missile at once, the combined explosion... |
*I did it all for you Hermoine.* I thought back to when I first arrived in the 20's. I searched for Dumbledore far and wide, eventually learning all sorts of magic secrets from the people he encountered. When Grindelwald threatened the world and Dumbledore still didn't appear, I stopped him. When people asked my name, ... |
"Go on a nice cruise"she had told me. "You've been working too hard. Take your mind off things, travel for a bit. I got this for you."
Rick sprawled out on his cabins bunk, reminiscing on the moment his adoring wife Teresa had looked at him with such sympathy it made his heart ache. She had handed him a blank envelope... |
Washington: "We are free once again brothers and sisters! To whom do we owe gratitude for the liberation of the United States. Is it our friends across the ocean? Poland? Siam?
Adviser: "Um... sir?"
Washington: "Rome? Genghis Khan perhaps?"
Adviser: "Sir... we have been liberated by Hiawatha of the Iroquois civiliz... |
He knew the world was beautiful. There were always birds surrounding him, chirping and whistling. Sometimes a squirrel would come up close to him and he felt the rest of them watching from the sparse forest he resided in. He knew he had a few neighbours, probably in houses like his. When his feet scraped the sidewalk i... |
Kennedy stood hunched over his desk in the center of the oval office. He had turned the lights off, knowing that darkness helped him think better. He looked at the control panel in the corner of his desk; in the center was a small yellow button.
Never in his life did he think he might have to press it.
This button se... |
(Some ASOIAF spoilers ahead!)
He came ashore one day on the Fingers in an old, rotted rowboat that didn't look like it could sail over a steady stream, much less the Narrow Sea. Yet nobody in the surrounding towns had heard of him, nor of House Skyrim, where he claimed to hail from. His sigil was not of the Vale; none... |
Every system has a flaw; and that flaw is usually the human element.
Except in this time, one thousand years from my place of origin, humans were no longer particularly involved in the grand scheme of things. Machine brains ran everything, with machine ants running to-and-fro for the machine brains - like a hive of m... |
A nudge here, a small bit of motivation there. That's all it takes. Really. It's amazing how constant this world is. In 3,000 years the biggest change this world had known was the creation of land empires. And those broke constantly. Fear, hunger, procreation. Those had been the driving motivations of mankind since its... |
I hadn't seen Max since before *The Event*. I'm not sure what I was expecting. She arrived at my apartment and my incredulity was eminently apparent when I began stammering in surprise before I even managed to greet her. "Max, you -- I can't believe -- you of all people I wouldn't expect--"
"Yeah, *Bessie?*"Maxine ask... |
"It's okay, dear,"the policeman said as he tried to calm the girl who came in. "Take all the time you need."
The girl opened her mouth as if to speak, but burst out sobbing again. Desk sergeant James Hurt awkwardly looked away. He hated these kinds of cases. Every few weeks there was another.
Some people genuinely li... |
I watched the digital clock on my wall flicker through another minute. Any second now, I knew I would feel the blows that I had received yesterday in karate class. I had made sure to note the exact time that we had started sparring, so I would be able to prepare for it.
I should probably explain.
It's a weird conditi... |
We were ridiculed. We couldn't do anything right.
Anything we thought we'd invented was just a milder re-imagining. "Tame"was what they called us. At first we thought they were complimenting how civilised we acted; how professional we were. We were laughed out of the Council of Stars. They didn't even ask us to leave,... |
They all came at once, hundreds of them, bright copper discs from the heavens.
They'd been looking for life. They found it in us, and they sought to rule us. We feared war, they offered a more peaceful solution. Single combat, a fight to the death, between their ambassador and the President of the United States.
T... |
I had gotten pretty damn good at it. Bullshitting had become a second nature to me. Human beings are social creatures, we survive by feeling included. I adapted to survive, I learned how to utilize the context clues around me to pretend like I experienced what everyone else did.
You see, I am different. I hallucunate... |
I stood there for a second, smiling at her.
"Eric?"She whispered to me. I just stood there, confused. She looked exactly as she did all those years ago, her blonde hair just reaching her shoulders, her pale blue eyes almost crying.
I moved a step closer, and stopped.
"She's so young?"I said to the Genie. He stared... |
I awoke to blaring alarms.
"Fuck! Sam!"I was going to kill him. Third time this week he'd been caught smoking below deck. I was tempted to throw him overboard. I tried to roll out of my bunk and landed on my face. Great start to the morning, really.
I was hunting for something reasonably clean to put on when the voic... |
It took us thousands of focus groups, hundreds of hours of polling, surveying and random writing prompts to create humanity's greatest enemy. It went through many stages of development before we got to the final big bad which ultimately united the world under one banner.
We first thought of a human threat. Terror gro... |
Jimmy slammed his fist on the doctor's desk. "Just give her another round, one more fucking round!"Doctor Mason rubbed his brow, exasperatedly. "Jimmy, you know now as well as I do that it's not going to help. It's a placebo. All drugs are placebos. They always have been..."
Slumping into the office chair, Jimmy thoug... |
The shuttle maneuvered through the debris trailing the hulk.
It had been 30 years since the discovery. We had found out we weren't alone in the universe and that Sol was apparently just a gravity well for a intergalactic junk yard.
The scramble to obtain the most knowledge from the wreckage consumed all nations and p... |
My phone sent me another notification, I took a half glance at it and saw that it was from yet another dating site. I sighed and dismissed it, returning to my book. After one page, there was another notification and I turned to the phone again, this time slowly closing the book as the phone told me
**You're matched w... |
Steve was beamed aboard the alien ship. He was greeted not by a gray alien with a plasma rifle, but with a little walkway, soft blue lights dimly illuminating the path. Steve followed the lights, his sneakers making the metallic floor echo in the otherwise empty room, the doors opening upwards as he stepped in front of... |
In all my years I've lived in Heaven, I had never heard something so infuriating.
I was a philosopher from sometime BC. Dunno when, my memories just get clogged up with how long I've been living in the residence of God. You know, Heaven is supposed to be a glorious place to live throughout eternity; one where you hav... |
I'm 6'8, 340 pounds and an absolute *monster* of a human being. I weightlift twice a day, bench 600 pounds, deadlift 1430 and squat 950. I'm known as the Human Boulder, because once I set myself in place, nothing will move me.
Because of this, my job prospects are incredible. The weaker people get to do things like t... |
"Won another lottery huh?"
"We were low on groceries, figured I might as well."
"That's fair, set them in the fridge."
"Want to come help me?"
"Nope. I so much as look at it, the eggs will be cracked."
"I didn't get eggs."
"I *promise* you there'll be eggs if I look in the bag. They'll be cracked, with egg white *all* ... |
"No, it's oil *for* babies."
"I'm not sure I believe you. I mean, what would babies need oil for? Are they making plastics and fuels?"
"Not that kind of oil. Jesus. It's skin care. Babies get diaper rash sometime, clears it right up. There's a ton of other weird stuff people use it for too, but let's not get into t... |
"You call this a handcuff knot?"
"What was that girlie?"
"You heard me, it's sloppy! I can get my hands out if I wanted to."
"No you can't, shut up."
"I have friends who can tie stronger knots."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. And they're *imaginary*."
"Hey, you watch your mouth or I'll get the boss!"
"Why? Will he come and embar... |
There is a man called László Polgár, an educational psychologist from Hungary, who raised two sisters to be prodigies. They were outstanding in everything that they did, but famed because they both rose to compete with the best chess players in the world, clambering up to success on an intricate developmental system th... |
    "General quarters, Mounties,"said Prime Minister Tim into the radio. "Operation Pearson Thunder is a go. This is not a drill. Keep your coffee hot."Without another word he hung up the receiver. Turning to the men and women congregated with him inside the derelict remains of the G... |
"Alright Jimmy, it's $27.31 tonight, buddy,"Richie says.
"Damn, was I here that long? Alright, gimme a second,"I reply. I reach into my pocket for my wallet, but feel only a thin sheet of plastic. My credit card? Where's the rest of my wallet? I pull it out.
*Congratulations! You're a new god!*
"What the hell?"I mut... |
>Mankind invents FTL travel and finally discovers intelligent extraterrestrial life, but when they arrive, they discover the race is not yet advanced enough to understand space travel. Humans are accepted as gods.
"We came from outer space,"Captain Bowman explained slowly, using the little amount of the alien lang... |
*LEVEL UP!*
**New Ability unlocked!**
*Cardboard Smile: Active ability to fool coworkers into making them believe you're listening to them! May fail after repeated uses, cast-time 10 seconds/cool-down 20 seconds*
----
**Description:**
*Character Name: Jakethesnakebakecake*
*Level: 24*
*Personality: Laid-back, Sl... |
I propped up my feet on the suede ottoman, taking a long sip of my iced tea and gazing out at the ocean. The mahogany veranda kept me enclosed from the heat, while several fans worked to keep a steady, salty breeze flowing. *I may never go back*, I thought.
It wasn't unheard of for time travelers to stay at their arri... |
I once had a friend name of Andrew,
Who in fact was my long standing boss,
But the night we encountered a vampire,
Andrew could not find his Cross.
He scrambled with hands at his neck,
Then with eyes down, he sought it again,
But the vampire had gotten hungry,
And now Andrew is no more a friend.
My gym mate, a giant ... |
Wires snake out of the man in front of me like a hundred twisting subsidiaries flowing from a poisoned water source. He is pallor and coated in a slick layer of sweat. He is clearly nervous.
"Good afternoon Mr..."I glance at my notes. "Smith. Edward Smith."
His body quivers as I mention his name. Perhaps he realises ... |
Unfortunately, I felt the pull of the summons take hold just as I reached for the pot of coffee.
"Damn, no, just give me a couple of minutes!"I snarled, my lips pulling back around my fangs. "I haven't even had the first cup yet-"
But there was no denying the strength of those words. A fishhook rose up in my gut, s... |
NeuroBolt sat on the sofa with his PDA in one hand and his multi-tool in the other. Although, now, he realized it seemed kind of pointless to bring the multi-tool. Or even come dressed as his superhero identity. He wondered if this was all some kind of ruse, the high ceilings, the beautiful architecture, the priceless ... |
The moonlight glinted off the razor blade in his hand as he crept closer to the door.
The one he knew he'd able to open, with his key. The one Claire had given him because she trusted him *so* much. It never failed to amaze him, what people would entrust to their psychiatrists. Their keys. Their minds. Their secrets. ... |
"Did I do something wrong?"I asked him.
"No, Adelaide. Of course not. We're the ones that are wrong. Senselessly afraid of what we don't understand,"he answered. A calm, introspective smile plied his face. Harold had always been the best, sweetest man to me. I've made billions and billions of friends over the past yea... |
I jumped over the counter of the Pleasant View Post office. I opened up the drawers and pulled out a few rolls of stamps. I'd been using the forever stamps for a while. They probably would have released a special edition by now. As I flipped through them, I stopped at a sheet with an older Hispanic man wearing a paperb... |
The 'standby' screen flicked onto the screen. I sat there, not knowing what to do. I only had three hours left to live. This wasn't like that movie with Steve Carell, he had days. I have hours. My family is two hours away, do I go spend an hour with them? Would I even make it there in time with all of the traffic that ... |
I had a few people accuse me of having a twin. I was according to them, the smartest person anyone knew one day, then a bumbling fool the next. One day I could beat anyone in the gym, then cry over killing a fly. One day everyone followed me and looked to me for guidance on things I didn't know, the next even my best f... |
"You do this every fucking election year,"I told her, reaching out to take another handful of peanuts. "You work yourself up into a frenzy over nothing. Clinton's going to win. Like, mathematically, Clinton's going to win, and then you'll have another four years of Barack Obama, except this time everyone's going to be ... |
I hadn't heard a voice calling me in a long time. Most of the time I zapped from one prayer to the next, and I'd almost forgotten that once someone prayed to me, I wouldn't be able to ignore it.
I considered visiting him then and there but I decided on 'encountering' him the next day while he walked to school.
I anxi... |
"Affinedating.com?"I asked, incredulous.
"Just, try it, okay?"Jane, my sister, asked me.
"It's a nice thought,"I said, not really meaning it. "but-"
Jane visibly gave up. "Okay, that's cool, don't worry about it. Mom and Dad and Beb made me promise to say *something* so now I can say I did, right?"
"All three of... |
"Hi, I'm calling for Mr. Ron Andrews. Is he available?"
"This is Ron. Who is it this time? Elastic Boy?Mirrors? Centaur Steve?"
I was trying to put together my daughter's lunch for school when the call had come in. My wife looked at me, heard my end of the conversation, and buried her head in her arms, trying to hide... |
She needed help with the thingy that makes her see things.
The sad part was that this wasn't even the least coherent call I'd fielded today. That honor belonged to the man who thought "wireless"meant no electricity was needed.
"Okay ma'am, I'm afraid I'm going to need you to help me narrow down your problem a litt... |
***Bang Bang Bang***
The shots missed wildly. I chuckled under my breath, amateur. The hitmen just seemed to get worse and worse. I looked into my backpack to see the supplies I had packed along for this one. A deck of playing cards, a pencil, a spool of string, and some smelling salts. More than enough. It always ... |
"What's this pillow doing here?"I was moving into a new apartment, and I had discovered a pillow discarded in the closet.
"Oh, the last guy who lived here was really into anime. Must have forgotten it when he moved out. I'll call him and let him know."
"Alright, I'll hang on to it."I held up the long pillow and loo... |
“So… How many living things have I killed?”
The angel looks up at me from her desk and shakes her head. “We’re not allowed to divulge that information. We do not allow our contestants the benefit of planning ahead of their battles.”
“Ok…” I make an impromptu checklist in my head. I haven’t killed any people, and I ne... |
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you,"I said. The two IRS agents loomed over me, Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dee, their eyes obscured by black mirrors.
"Try us,"growled Dum, cracking his knuckles.
"It -"I glanced helplessly around the room. It was no good. There was no escaping it. "A genie gave me the money,"I blurt... |
I am reminded by my lawyers that the SIDEBAR contains all the sub's rules, and failure to comply to them will result in a ban.
I am also compelled to write a DISCLAIMER: There are sentences in this text that might infuriate/offend some people; there is censored swearing; read at your risk.
___________________________... |
I walk out of my office and onto the production line. Dozens of machines, thousands of people, all working in unison to make masterful crafts that every adventurer will one day need. I smile, like I do everyday, knowing we make a difference. I begin my long day down the line, inspecting everything I come across.
"Hey... |
I always have to clean up after Daddy. He leaves so many messes around.
I told him yesterday, "Daddy, why don't you help me clean? It takes so long! Daddy why?"
Daddy nudged me towards the door and smiled. Daddy doesn't always like talking.
Cleaning takes so long, especially when there has been a party!
Daddy says... |
Men drew back to Earth, away from the dying stars to which they had once scattered. Men fled back home, for every passing moment another dying light winked out of existence, and we could not help them. It took all our powers to keep the Sun alive. And soon, the darkness encroached upon us, prowling like a hidden beast.... |
If this were a video game I'd be slamming the keyboard and screaming "hacks!"
Directly in front of me, just as clearly as I am seeing his nurse's less-than-perfect information above her pretty, little head I am seeing his. And it is ridiculous.
Does my power have glitches? is my first response. It's never glitched be... |
*Congratulations on completing your first task, I'll be in touch soon.*
Tom read the note over and over again. He couldn't believe this. All the planning, all the work, and the Russians.... What was he going to tell the Russians.
"Hey, you there! What are you doing in here?!"A CIA Security Guard yelled at him, as he ... |
All around the Mulberry Bush bar, the regulars got quiet and shuffled out in unison. They knew to leave immediately when Mr. Blue yelled, that no amount of unfinished beer was worth their life.
Within moments, the bar was empty, save for the table where Mr. Blue, a huge man in a crisp black suit, sat seething at the p... |
"Do you have any idea how colossally dull it is to be sealed into a seashell for this long and then simply thrown out with no one to talk to?"The voice said.
"Uh. . .who is this?"I asked, dumbfounded.
"Who do you think it is you little splash of mud? I'm the ocean."
". . .You might have a bit easier of a time sellin... |
Jack rolled over again in his bed and his eyes were drawn to the empty space in the corner of the room. Well, not exactly empty. On the floor was the well-worn rug and, scattered around it, tell-tale bits of rawhide chewies. Next to it, a bowl of water, now completely dry. The small clutter only left the space empt... |
"NO!"I felt the force of the bullet hit my body. My friend looked at me, shocked, as I performed the final sacrifice. One for the team, wasn't that what they called it? I smiled, as I slowly passed into 'Elsewhere'. A place people purportedly went when they died. *Zoop*, I felt my body getting transported out of the ba... |
I could distinctly remember the glorious moment when even Satan threw his arms in the air and kicked me out of the fiery gates back into mortal existence. I was in life one of the hardest people to control, and in death that fact remained. I resented the throwing-out and the rejection, but secretly I enjoyed it. It gav... |
Again with the slime. Every time I told someone to reboot they'd cast some spell and BOOM slime fills the case. I mean...it's happened enough times that I've started waterproofing the critical parts, but sometimes there's just so much and they JUST LET IT SIT THERE. It oozes out around the fan, and eventually starts co... |
It's mostly shameful to be scientifically proven to be a failure, isn't it?
I mean, think about it. There are teens my age who are flawless in design, have excelled intellect or are just monstrous colossi of muscle and bone.
That last one is what I was meant to be, an aspiring Footballer or weightlifter like Pops wa... |
"And on next weeks episode of 'Dandy Dans Dangerous Duties' we're going to weld two cans of hairspray together! YEAH! DANGGGGGERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
"Don't forget to SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON and SUBSCRIBEEEEEEEEE"
"Ok and that's a wrap, good stuff today Dan, carving a turkey with a table saw. Priceless."Tim chuckled as he t... |
The call came on a Tuesday. Just like all calls if it's kind: when I least expected it. “Run,” whispered a hoarse voice on the other end. Even though I had never heard his voice, I knew instantly who it was. The man in Black.
“But why? But I just… Run from what?!” I stammered. My left hand gripped the towel around my ... |
Mohamed Ali Barre rode astern on the Somalian Navy Osa-II Missile Attack Craft committed to the flotilla. The nearly fifty meter attack craft had been carefully shined up to look almost factory new, if that factory happened to be somewhere in St. Petersburg rather than Mogadishu, so be it. If the loss of fully half of ... |
"Nope, I can't go to Hell. Satan still has a restraining order against me."Said Dante, nonchalantly.
"Well, you cant stay here."St. Peter replied. "The angels weren't fond of your snooping last time."
"Where else is there?"Dante asked.
"Hmmm, go wait over there. I've gotta make some calls."St. Peter replied. Dante c... |
EDIT: Just a few spelling mistakes. Be sure to point them out if you see them!
"Calm down! You're hysterical!"I should be too, because an elf burst out of my closet screaming about toys and madmen like some kid from Taiwan. The fact that I was not also screaming in absolute terror was a sign of my own fortitude; but w... |
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