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No, no, no! | Well, methinks the lady doth protest too much! |
Get out of this house! | Gladly. |
Dad, I thought Mom kicked you out of the house. | I came to get my mail. |
Dad, I thought Mom kicked you out of the house. | Resident... occupant... I can't open these. Ooh, a traffic ticket! |
Dad, I thought Mom kicked you out of the house. | I'd do anything to get your mother and that donut back. |
Lisa, we don't need to know how. It's just a natural thing that happens, like a hurricane or going to war. | Well, I'd better go. |
Where are you staying? | You know the Four Seasons? Well, I'm experiencing them first hand, because I'm living in the park. |
So, I got your note saying you wanted to meet here to apologize. | Well, I got your note saying you were gonna bring me a bucket of potato salad. |
Where's my apology? | Where's my bucket? |
This is all my fault! I planted Mom's bra in Milhouse's parents' bed! | Why you little... |
Just do it! Trust me! | Okay. |
Mom... Dad. I'd give a kajillion dollars for you to get back together. | Make it two kajillion. |
Homer! | We'll lose the first kajillion to taxes. |
Well, I guess you showed you do trust me after all. | Of course I do. The only thing I can't believe is that a woman as great as you would be married to me. |
I'm afraid your son is in a deep, deep coma from which he will never emerge. | I guess we should count our blessings he's not dead. |
A robot? | Wow. A robot kid would be a blast. We can confuse him and make his head explode. "This statement is a lie. But if it's a lie then it must be true. But if it's true, then it must be..." Kaboom! |
David is so helpful... | And he's great with the neighbors. |
More waffles, Father? | Nice and hot-o, Mr. Robot-o! |
More waffles, Father? | David, you're by far the best son I've ever had. Uh-oh. |
Did you replace me with this tinkertoy? | Replace is such an ugly word. We upgraded. |
I will comply. | Here, make me a kitty! |
I hate going to the zoo. I feel so sorry for the animals. | Lisa, the zoo opens up a whole new world for the animals. In the wild they would never experience boredom, obesity, loss of purpose... you know, the American dream. |
What are you talking about? | David feels, and your mother will agree when I tell her, that it's best for our family if you're no longer in it. |
We're still going to the toy store, right? And I can pick out as many toys as I want? | No toys! |
You told me he was at culinary school! | You wanted to believe the lie! |
To get me, you'll have to go through your fa... | Those were my good pants. |
Well, the important thing is we're a family again. | This stinks! I've got stubby little robot legs and an ass that's not equipped for an adult diet. |
I'll call work and tell them he can't make it. | Woo hoo! |
I'll call work and tell them he can't make it. | Suckers. |
Please don't accept this invitation, Dad. Hunting is cruel. | Honey, animals don't feel death. That was proved by the scientists at Black Angus. |
And there's bananas in that tree up there. | They look a little green. |
You can't escape me, Simpson -- you're not smart enough! | Yes I am! I mean... |
You can't escape me, Simpson -- you're not smart enough! | Oh no! I've been killed! |
You can't escape me, Simpson -- you're not smart enough! | Outfoxed 'im with the corpse of my best friend. Hee-hee. |
Done and done! | Marge! You saved me. |
Done and done! | What was that for? |
Staying out eighteen hours and not calling home once. | Aw, I can't stay mad at you when that pan smells like sausage and onions. |
I'm turning you into your costumes! | Well, are you gonna talk about it, or are you gonna do it? |
Oh, this isn't fair. I wasn't wearing a costume. | Marge isn't home. |
But what will junkies do drugs under? | They'll bounce back, son. They're a strong people. |
But what will junkies do drugs under? | Ooh! Ooh! I wanna ride the bumper cars! |
Whoa, Sir, we're dismantling this ride. It's not safe. | I call the red one! |
Robusto is not for sale! But would you like to buy my last dumbbell? | Hmmm. I suppose I could use a little toning. |
Robusto is not for sale! But would you like to buy my last dumbbell? | I'll give you five dollars for it. |
Homie, if I buy a bicycle built for two, will you ride with me? | Marge, I don't hate your mother. I just won't be sad when she dies. Forty-seven, forty-eight... |
Homie, if I buy a bicycle built for two, will you ride with me? | Yeah, sure. Whatever you want. Ninety-five, ninety-six, thirteen, sixty-four, banana... |
Our tandem bicycle! When I bought it, you said you'd ride with me. | But I'm watching television. A lot of people worked hard on this show! |
I'd love to! I'll be right... wait... Are you sure you're not just trying to get me to make pizza for breakfast? | Woo hoo! Pizza for breakfast! |
Awww. I'll be right down. | Hello, Domino's? What do you mean, you're not open? No, you call me back during business hours! I'll show you who's a recorded message! |
Don't do that... that hurts. Careful, careful. | Hey, what's the big idea of getting trapped under that thing? |
Homer, how'd your right arm get so strong? | Just liftin' this dumbbell. |
Homer, how'd your right arm get so strong? | Forty-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine... fifty thousand! |
I got a new liver, and I'm breakin' it in. | Excuse me, Mr. Bartender sir, may I have a sugar-free ginger ale? And uh, make it flat -- the bubbles burn my buds. |
Where are you two going? | I'm joining the professional arm-wrestling circuit! |
Uh-huh. And how will this affect your job at the power plant? | Negatively, I assume. |
Oh, well, we're off to buy a new tea set. Have fun! | Gee, she didn't seem angry, or anything. Maybe she doesn't care anymore! |
Forget about it, Homer. She's dead to you now. | Okay. |
Oh, Marge called you. She said... uh... that she loves you and she hopes you break the guy's arm so hard that it pokes through his skin. | Did she say anything else? |
Yeah. She said to shut up, and stop asking questions and listen to Moe. | Oh Marge, I love her so much. |
Now Homer, you gotta keep your head in the game, all right? Your first opponent is Lefty "The Righty" Leftwright. | He looks tough. |
Yeah, he only lost once: in his fight against illiteracy. | I can relate. I've fought that foe and lost many times. |
Yeah, he only lost once: in his fight against illiteracy. | Moe, I'm starting to have grave doubts about this thing I barely liked in the first place. |
C'mon, Homer! We can make it all the way to the quarter-finals for the Eastern Division, Class B, over thirty-five, Amateur Grouping! | Sorry, Moe. The place for my arm is around my wife. |
SWEET HOME ALABAMA / WHERE THE SKIES ARE SO BLUE | SWEET HOME ALABAMA... |
SWEET HOME ALABAMA / WHERE THE SKIES ARE SO BLUE | LORD, I'M COMING HOME TO YOU / Alabama! |
SWEET HOME ALABAMA / WHERE THE SKIES ARE SO BLUE | Marge, spending time with you is more important to me than all the pie-eating contests in the world. |
I thought it was arm wrestling. | I was in a pie-eating contest on the way home. Now let's go to bed. |
OOH, MY LITTLE PRETTY ONE, MY PRETTY ONE / WHEN YOU GONNA GIVE ME SOME TIME, SHARONA / OOH, YOU MAKE MY MOTOR RUN, MY MOTOR RUN / GOT IT COMIN' OFF O' THE LINE, SHARONA / NEVER GONNA STOP, GIVE IT UP, SUCH A DIRTY MIND / I ALWAYS GET IT UP FOR THE TOUCH OF THE YOUNGER KIND / MY, MY, MY, AYE-AYE, WHOA! / | That song is a pop music footnote! I didn't say stop! |
int. simpson house - LATE AFTERNOON) | 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY... |
Mid-June? | Kids, this is the holiest night of the year. Tomorrow is Father's Day, and that makes tonight Father's Day Eve. |
Fine, there's a Daddy Claus. | Is there a Super Bowl Bunny? |
Bart... Lisa... we've got to get to the mall before it closes. | Oh, can I come with you? I know I can't. |
Here you go, Dad. I hope you like it. I've forgotten what it is. | A LeatherBuddy! There's no limit to what I can do with this. |
Here you go, Dad. I hope you like it. I've forgotten what it is. | Fear not, m'lady! Captain Dash Superstud is here with his small tool! |
Oh Captain, you're so handy! | Bart, this is the greatest present I ever received. To open another gift now would be like following the London Philharmonic with Jessica Simpson. Whatchu got, Lisa? |
Oh Captain, you're so handy! | What the Hell is this? |
What do you think? Huh? Huh? Pretty heartfelt, huh? Huh? | Oh, it's heartfelt. There's no escaping that. Thanks, honey. |
You didn't like it, did you? | No, no, no, it's great. I'm done with it now. |
Oh Dad, how could you? | It's not my fault! Lousy magnet. |
She's not going to get over this quickly -- I know women. | Yeah, but I know how to win women back. I even won you back after I lost our wedding album in a bar bet. |
You what?! | I mean I will win you back. |
I'm not a baby! A baby is zero to two. | Her first words! Play along. It's fifty cents less for babies! |
I'd rather not go than lie. | How you doin'? So... is that your jacket on the back of that chair? |
Your daughter broke a window, upended an ashcan, and hurled a Thermos-brand thermos onto the street! | Does it still keep hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold? |
I'm afraid Lisa's rage stems from extraordinary disillusionment with a parental figure. In this case, her father. | Oh yeah, oh sure, it's easy to point out my faults. It's a little harder to shut up. |
Mr. Simpson, Lisa is at a crucial juncture. If she doesn't see her father as a positive role model, she could hate men for the rest of her life. | Oh, I know! But how can I undo eight years of jerkiness in two easy sessions at no cost to me? |
The school is looking for a new "Safety Salamander". When Lisa sees you teaching children to avoid downed power lines, it could restore her faith in you and the male gender. | I don't know. What happened to the last Safety Salamander? |
Uh... he fell asleep in the suit and suffocated. | I can do that! |
I guess. | Yeah. Now, I'm off to bring safety to Springfield Elementary and win back your love! |
School buses don't have seat belts. | Then what protects you if we crash? |
A metal bar at tooth level. | Stop this bus! |
Are you a girl? 'Cause I don't see a sala-wiener. | Did I hear "where are the fireworks?" 'Cause heeere they are! |
Ahhhh! | Every man for himself! Trample if you must! |
Ahhhh! | Safety... safety... die for safety. |
Janey's father just takes her to the zoo once a month. Couldn't you be that kind of dad? | Now honey, you know Daddy's not allowed in the zoo anymore. |
Oh, yeah. | But I'll never stop trying to redeem myself in your eyes. |
Springfield needs a hero and it needs one now! | This looks like a job for a dad trying to win back his daughter's love! |
My mother's still in the car. | No, she's not. |
Three cheers for our new hero! | Only three? |
Okay, six! | That's more like it! |
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