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Well, well, look who's strollin' down Alzheimer Avenue. You used to know everything about that wife of yours. Even wrote a song about her. | OH THE GIRL I LOVE'S GOT BEAUTIFUL... EYES |
Well, well, look who's strollin' down Alzheimer Avenue. You used to know everything about that wife of yours. Even wrote a song about her. | / WHEN HAPPY THEY SPARKLE, WHEN SAD THEY CRIES |
Well, well, look who's strollin' down Alzheimer Avenue. You used to know everything about that wife of yours. Even wrote a song about her. | / THOSE EYES ARE GEMS BEYOND APPRAISAL / STUNNING SHADE OF PUREST... Oh, what is it?! I was so close! Let's see, what rhymes with appraisal: basil, nasal -- none of these are colors! Oh, it's hopeless! She'll never love me again. |
Oh Homie, I'd forgotten that beautiful song you wrote for me. | Hazel! Your eyes are hazel -- hazel like the pussywillows by the pond where we first kissed, like the almond paste in the bear claw I ate after we first made love. |
You're cool, you're not "mainstream," you wear a porkpie hat... | Mmm... porkpie. |
"Rules: no men, no cell phones, no mirrors, no shame". | Marge, I wish you well, but why would women want to go to a gym if there were no men there watching them and judging them? |
"Rules: no men, no cell phones, no mirrors, no shame". | We're gonna be rich! We can finally start a family! |
We have a family. | A better one! |
Yep, nothing beats living on "wife-support". | I hear that. |
Yo guys, come meet a new husband! | Fine, I admit it. I'm drunk! |
Yo guys, come meet a new husband! | Hey, how ya doin'? I'm Homer. My wife invented a gym for "regular" women. |
My wife invented "SkyPills." She uh, mixed vitamins with Alka-Seltzer and pretended it was medicine. | I pay ten dollars a tube for those! |
That's why I drive a Bentley. | Yeah, I haven't decided what kind of new car to get. |
And they're not talking about cars. | Are you sure they're not talking about cars? Because those are car words. |
Yes! | Marge won't dump me. I'm the anchor that keeps her weighed down. |
Here's how you know she's really about to go: your wife seems happy and full of life. | That will never happen! |
Here's how you know she's really about to go: your wife seems happy and full of life. | Marge! Marge! |
Here's how you know she's really about to go: your wife seems happy and full of life. | A makeover! |
Here's how you know she's really about to go: your wife seems happy and full of life. | Oh my God! The prophecy is being fulfilled. |
Here's how you know she's really about to go: your wife seems happy and full of life. | Um, so... tell me about your day. |
Oh, you don't want to hear about my boring old day. | I do! I do! |
Well, the first inspirational speech of the day was by the woman who climbed Mount Everest and got everyone else killed. | Hey, the networks have different channels in this city. |
That's okay. I don't care that you don't care. Go watch your thing. | Are you happy and full of life? |
Really? But I'm so used to my old one. | Old one?! They're convincing Marge to dump me! |
I'm going to the successful ladies room! | You guys gotta help me! If Marge leaves I'll have nothing except my many friends, and half the fortune she is now making and will continue to make. |
Homer, I'm gonna let you in on a secret. I'm a first husband. I used to look like this. | What's your secret? |
Oh, there's no secret. Just hard work... | Uh-huh. |
...exercise two hours a day... | Okay. |
...keep up with the latest fashions... | Fashions. |
...and of course, cut out all fatty foods and alcohol. | Uh-huh, uh-huh... got it. I know just what it'll take to hang onto Marge. |
It's a very, very serious operation. You should only undergo it as a last resort. | Please, Doc. I know I'm not the greatest looking guy in the world, but I took care of my family, and that used to be enough. But not anymore. |
Very well. If you wish, we can perform the procedure in the office, today. | And I know how I can knock myself out. I'll look at your bill. |
Dad, are you okay? I see food on your plate instead of blurring motions. | Kids, your daddy underwent a special procedure so he can be more attractive to your mother. |
You had your hot dog plumped? | No, I had my stomach stapled! |
You had your hot dog plumped? | All food tastes like barf now. |
Homie, I'm back! | Welcome home, Marge. |
You remembered I like romance! | A smart successful woman like you deserves the very best. |
You also remembered I like flattery! | Do you like guys who are... attractive? |
Homie, you look good! | All for you, baby. |
Let me get a good look at you! | Whoa, whoa, whoa -- slow down, sexy beast. Why don't you take some time to savor the front? |
What are you hiding from me? Is it chocolate? | Uh, it used to be. |
Whoa! Those buns are poppin' fresh! | Yeah, I'm gonna turn off the lights now. |
And I'll just fold this old sweaty blanket and put it in the closet. | Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. |
You want me to unstaple your stomach? | No, I want you to give me every other surgery you have so I can look good! And can you call it an aortic valve replacement so my insurance will cover it? |
Listen, Homer, I gotta be honest with you... | You better not make me cry. 'Cause I don't know where my tear ducts are anymore. |
I appreciate you trying to become more attractive for me. But the truth is... I'm way too successful for you now. I'm gettin' me a trophy husband! | I don't want to live without you, Marge. |
Okay. | Noooo! |
Okay. | Huh? Why do I look like me again? |
The doctor called me about all the crazy surgeries you wanted. And I said no. But I did have him unstaple your stomach and turn you back into the sweet man I love. | Then it was all a dream. I never became a hideous monster. |
And Dad, I hope you learned something from this. | I sure have. Plastic surgery is a mistake -- because it hasn't been perfected to where you look really good. When it is, everyone should get it. |
Interested in a car stereo? | No thanks -- just here for a battery. |
Big special on camcorders! | All I want is a battery. |
Care to make love, sir? | Battery, battery, battery! |
Care to make love, sir? | Hmm... |
Care to make love, sir? | No... |
Care to make love, sir? | Bingo! |
Care to make love, sir? | One battery, please. |
That'll be fifty cents -- or free, with the purchase of a $200 TiVO plus a two-year contract. | Sold! Sucker. |
Sir, your TiVO? | My what now? |
I've gotten so much accomplished: I saved "Lost", watched all of "Rome" in a day, and got through "Two and a Half Men" in two and a half minutes. Then I ran out of space and had to choose between "Sophie's Choice" and "Schindler's List." | Why is everything Hollywood makes so excellent? Whyyyy? |
Howdy, folks! Are you tired of family arguments over where to go to dinner? | Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back. |
Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts! The rib joint with something for everyone. | Good luck, with my finicky appetite. |
We've got ribs... | Sold! |
WE'RE GOING TO A REST'RANT GRAND OP'NIIIIIIIING... / BUT DON'T FILL UP ON BREAD! | THAT'S HOW THEY GETCHA! |
There aren't any tables or chairs. | More ribs for me! |
I see no grill, oven, or food of any kind. | More ribs for me? |
Hello, Simpsons. | Finally, some service. Now listen. We wanna sit under a cool state license plate -- Michigan or better. |
And now you're all going to die -- just because you watched a television commercial! | Next time a commercial comes on, I'm gonna close my eyes, cover my ears and scream as loud as I can. |
Before you die, perhaps you'd like to know how I engineered my ultimate revenge. | I'd like to know if Wes Doobner is aware of what you're doing in his restaurant. |
I'm Wes Doobner. | Mr. Doobner, I have a complaint: I work hard, and when I go out with my family, I expect a certain level of basic-- |
Shut up! This time, to liven up my tale, I brought along some visual aides. Just call me... Slideshow Bob! | Nobody do it. |
"The Hills Have Eyes Three: The Hills Still Have Eyes". And now, the moment we've all been waiting for... | Finally, the ribs. |
He mocked my folksy ways! | He cheats at Uno! |
Well, I guess the rest of us should pay our respects. | Yeah, well, between you and me, I still can't stand him. |
Well, I guess the rest of us should pay our respects. | I still can't stand him... I still can't stand him... I still can't stand him... |
Well, I guess the rest of us should pay our respects. | I don't care about these church jerks... church jerks... church jerks... |
Feet? Killing?! We gotta save Bart! | Now? |
Feet? Killing?! We gotta save Bart! | But I'm getting a home perm! |
Bob planned this from the beginning -- | Uh-huh. |
He wanted to be captured at the restaurant! | Yes. |
He would never get a Shakespeare quote wrong -- | No. |
His mother was a Shakespearean actress! | Oh yeah! |
His father is a doctor... | A doctor, huh? |
...so when Bob collapsed in the courtroom... | I remember. |
...his father could take that opportunity to inject Bob with a powerful drug that simulated death. | Uh-huh. |
It was a diabolical scheme, and every member of his family played a part! | Are you done? 'Cause I've been circling the funeral home for ten minutes. |
Stop that cremation! | Hey, what smells so good? |
You're too late, Simpsons! | Eat hobo remains! |
Get me outta here. What are you doing? I can't breathe! | Marge, he's got to get over his fear of coffins. |
Well, this time I think Sideshow Bob is finally locked up for good. | Yeah. The only thing that's gonna be hacked to pieces now is this celebratory cake! |
You start with a splash of Jaegermeister, then add sloe gin, Triple-Sec, Quadruple-Sec, gunk from a dog's eye, Absolut Pickle... | Mmm, pickle... |
There was a domestic disturbance at your address yesterday. | Chief Wiggum! I remember seeing you... |
Why don't you ask the person who filed the complaint? Not that I am authorized to release that infor-- | Flanders! |
Fine, it was Flanders. Now since you know everything, who was Jack the Ripper? | The queen's private surgeonnn! |
I had to -- I heard a hubbub, Bub. | What did I do? |
You come to me for help rememberin'? That's like asking your horse to do your taxes, which I did back in nineteen ninety-eight. | I'm afraid I did something to make Marge and the kids leave me. |
Wait, I know someone who can help ya -- a doctor who helps people dig up old memories. | Really? Well, that's great, Dad. How can I ever repay you? |
Punch that orderly who takes sips out of my juice. | Done. |
Mr. Simpson, I have built a device that will enable you to explore your memories. The science was easy, but now I've got the hard part, coming up with a name. | How 'bout The Deja Viewmaster? |
Uhh... | Remembrance of things fast? |
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