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This is dangerous. I wish we could have found a sitter for Maggie. | Super Fun Happy Slide! |
No, Dad. | I guess killing will be fun enough. |
You must drive this stake right through his heart. | Take that, vile fiend! |
Uh, Dad, that's his crotch. | Oh, sorry. |
But, no, we killed Mr. Burns. | You have to kill the head vampire. |
Maybe it's the TV. | Stupid TV. Be more funny. |
What the hell...? Oooh, we got a call. | Heh, heh, some idiot actually called in! |
I'd like to pledge thirty dollars. Oh, thank you! | Marge, it's public TV! They never have anything good. Where are the Geraldos? Where are the Eubankses-es? |
They need our support. Besides, they gave me two tickets to the ballet. | The ballet? Woo hoo! |
You like ballet? | Marjorie, please. I enjoy all the meats of our cultural stew. Ahhh, ballet. |
That's one right there. | All right, but remember it's mine. |
That's one right there. | That's what ballet is? |
Mr. Simpson, you do realize this may result in hair loss, giddiness, and the loss of equilibrium? | Yeah, yeah, yeah just give me the serum. |
Mr. Simpson, you do realize this may result in hair loss, giddiness, and the loss of equilibrium? | Heh, heh, heh. It was worth it. |
Hey, Homer, you wanna get a beer on the way home? | I can't. I gotta take my wife to the ballet. |
Gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh? | Mmmm... invisible cola. |
Gonna go see the bear in the little car, huh? | Heh, heh. Time to stick it to the man. |
Hey careful there, Homer. I heard somebody lost an arm in there once. | Phht, that's just an old wives tale. |
Let's get outta here! | Must... get to ballet... |
Let's get outta here! | promised Marge... |
Homer, this is never easy to say. I'm gonna have to saw your arms off. | They'll grow back, right? |
Homer, are you just holding onto the can? | Your point being? |
I'm disappointed in you, but it turns out I had a wonderful time with Ruth Powers. In fact, we're going out again tomorrow night. | Marge, that's twice. I think you're spending entirely too much time with this woman. |
Heh, heh. Oh Marge, we should do this every Thursday. | Marge, I got sprayed by this skunk! Oh look, it's doing it again! |
Heh, heh. Oh Marge, we should do this every Thursday. | Marge, you can't go out on Saturday. That's our special night. |
What's so special about it? | What the... Oh, I don't know... a little show called "Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman"?! |
I don't know. | When will you be home? |
I'm not sure. | Where you going? |
You already asked me that. | Will you bring me back something? |
Don't wait up. | How can you do this, Marge? How can you desert your children? |
Rock the Casbah! | Man's best friend, indeed. |
Hey, Dad, I think state and federal laws require us to have a baby-sitter. | Oh Lisa, haven't you seen "Home Alone?" If some burglars come, it'll be a very humorous and entertaining situation. |
You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a baby-sitter. | Wait a second... |
You're absolutely right, Homer. We don't need a baby-sitter. | You kids do need a baby-sitter. |
Blast that infernal card! Don't give that card to me. | Here you g... Nnnnnno. |
Mr. Simpson. I was just going through your garbage and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a baby-sitter. Of course being a highly skilled attorney, my fee is one hundred and seventy-five dollars an hour. | We pay eight dollars for the night and you can take two Popsicles out of the freezer. |
Three. | Two. |
Okay, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. | Done. |
Int. Moe's - continuous) | Hi guys! |
Int. Moe's - continuous) | Moe, get the darts. I want to play. |
Homer, stop that! It's just a weather station. | Come on Marge. It's fun to smash things. I smashed it good! |
Homer, stop that! It's just a weather station. | You got real purdy hair. |
What are you doing here? | My wife's having a girls' night out. |
We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls and has a lot of blue hair. | "A lot of blue hair?" Heh-heh. What a freak. |
We're in pursuit of two female suspects. One is wearing a green dress, pearls and has a lot of blue hair. | It's Marge! She's become a crazed criminal, just because I didn't take her to the ballet. |
That's exactly how Dillinger got started. | Really? |
Mmmm, engine block eggs. If we can keep these down, we'll be sittin' pretty. | That's them! |
Oh no, they're headed right for the Grand Chasm. | Oh my God. They're gonna drive right into it just to teach us men a lesson. And it's all my fault! |
Oh no, they're headed right for the Grand Chasm. | Marge! Marge! |
Homer?! | Look, Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car... And I'm sorry... Oh well let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point. |
You're right. I am lucky to have him. | But please Marge, don't drive into that chasm! |
Ha! And to think those idiot environmentalists were protesting this landfill. | Solid waste, I could kiss you. |
Ha! And to think those idiot environmentalists were protesting this landfill. | Mmmmm... Ewwww.... Mmmmm...Ohhh... Mmmmm... Ahhhh. Ooh, I think this was pizza. |
Homer Simpson was remanded to the custody of the United States Army neuro-chemical research center at Fort Meade Maryland for extensive testing. | Woo hoo! |
Stop that, Bart. Homer, speak to him. | Heh. Heh. Stupid animals. |
Stop that, Bart. Homer, speak to him. | Ahh, the daily newspaper. |
Stop that, Bart. Homer, speak to him. | Oooh! The Springfield Men's Shelter is giving away sixty soiled mattresses! |
Why do you read that "Free" column, Homer? They never have anything good. | OH MY GOD! |
What is it? | Tram...Ample...Een! Tram...Baple...Een! |
Hey! That seltzer ain't free. | Krusty! |
That's me. You here for the trampoline? | Yeah. What's the deal? |
Well, I used to do a lot of tumbling in my act, but I'm phasing it out for more dirty limericks. There once was a man named Enos -- | And I can just haul it away? Free? |
You're a good dog, arencha, boy? Arencha? | Hi, son. Hi, son. Hi, son. |
I don't know if this is a good idea. | Marge, it's the perfect exercise. It'll double the value of our house. And it was free. FREEEE!! |
Are you sure it's safe? | Absolutely! And this is just the beginning! I've got some big plans. |
It smells funny in there. | No it doesn't! |
Stop jumping on me! I'm hurt! | Kids, kids, once you get hurt, move aside and let other people jump. |
Homer, this is terrible! | Okay, okay. I'll take care of it. |
I told you this was a bad idea! | All right, all right! I'll get rid of the trampoline! |
You just keep right on drivin'. | There we go. |
You just keep right on drivin'. | That's the last I'll see of Mr. Trampoline. |
You just keep right on drivin'. | Yep, it's finally gone. |
You just keep right on drivin'. | If this were a cartoon, the cliff would break off now. |
You just keep right on drivin'. | I'm thirsty. |
Dad. Dad! You really want to get rid of this trampoline? | Uh-huh. |
Let's jump on the car instead. | Okay, the trampoline was a bad idea. But you know what? At least I'm out there trying new things. If it were up to you, all we'd ever do is work and go to church! |
That's not true. | Name one thing you've done in the past month that was fun. |
I can name ten things! I... I made sloppy Joes... | That's not fun! |
Um... Uh, well... Uh... | See, Marge? |
I'm watching a videotape that could change our lives. | Marge, can I go outside and play? |
That video really opened my eyes. I can see that I'm just a passive-aggressive co-culprit. By nagging you when you do foolish things, I just enable your life-script. | And that sends me into a shame spiral. |
Uh-oh. You're in for it now, Dad. | Marge, I'm feeling a lot of shame right now. |
I'm hearing that you feel a lot of shame. | And I feel that you hear my shame. |
I'm feeling annoyance and frustration, but also tolerance. | I feel validated by that. |
Good. I'm glad we had this talk. | Me too. |
Good. I'm glad we had this talk. | Wow! For free, "SURPLUS DRUMS OF MAYONNAISE FROM OPERATION DESERT STORM." |
Brad Goodman is coming to town! | Oh Marge, you and I are fine now. Who needs Brad Goodman? |
We know, Dad. | I just thought I'd remind everybody. After all, we did agree to attend his self-help seminar. |
Food goes in here. | It sure does! |
That means no, eh? I'm not so old-fashioned. Your parents have done a fantastic job. Mama, Papa -- could you come up here? | Thank you. Very, very much. |
Arr! This picture'll serve me well on those lonely nights at sea. | This is great. I can finally look like I want and not get hassled by the man. |
I didn't feel like it. | Hey, I hear ya, buddy. |
Eep. | Hey, boy! In here! |
They're headin' for the old mill! | No, we're not. |
No! Self-improvement can be achieved, but not with a quick-fix. It's a long, arduous journey of personal and spiritual discovery. | That's what I've been saying. We're all fine the way we are. |
No! Self-improvement can be achieved, but not with a quick-fix. It's a long, arduous journey of personal and spiritual discovery. | Oooh, it's that new show about the policeman who solves crimes in his spare time. |
You tell me, Chief. You had a pretty good view from behind your desk. | Ah, McGarnigal. Eases the pain. |
What does that mean, exactly? | It means he gets results, you stupid chief. |
Dad, sit down. | Oh, I'm sorry. |
Homer, I have to go out to pick up something for dinner. | Steak? |
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