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You found a candy bar? | Oh, yes! Gather 'round, my son, and I shall tell you a tale... |
They're not going to close the plant, are they? | No, the bank put Lenny in charge. |
There's got to be more trash around here somewhere... | Hey, why don't you try the old folks home? They practically live in their own filth! |
Thanks, Dad! | You're welcome, honey. |
Ah, the baby who shot me. No, I was referring to your other daughter. | Lisa! You have a guest! |
Ah, the baby who shot me. No, I was referring to your other daughter. | So, um, how's life in the gutter? |
"Nothing evil." That's exactly the kind of radical thinking I need! It's a deal. | See that, boy? Why aren't you making any business deals? |
Well, Lisa, as my advisor, you're entitled to ten percent. | It's all right. I understand. But we really could have used that twelve thousand dollars. |
And from our "It's Funny When It Happens To Them" file... Remember millionaire C. Montgomery Burns? The man who blocked out our sun, ran over a local boy, and stole Christmas from 1981 to 1985? Well, guess who's flat broke and picking up trash for a living? | Please be Flanders, please be Flanders, please be Flanders... |
Wow, he went from stinking rich to just plain stinking. | Good one, Mom! / You're so bad, honey. |
Lisa, nobody likes a gloater. Right, Homie? | Uh-huh. |
Oh, I can't get the smell of slurry out of my clothes! I was a fool to help that horrible old man! | Oh, I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa. Never help anyone. |
Simpson, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at work? | I made a bad mistake and Lenny sent me home to think about what I did. But I don't remember what it was so I'm watching TV. |
Oh my goodness. Kids! Homer! We're late for church! I'm glad I dressed last night. | Oh, I'd love to go with you, honey, but I've got a lot of work to do around the bed. |
Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week. | In that case, he should've made the week an hour longer. Lousy God. |
...and the very same goes for Ezekiel, which brings us back to our starting point, the nine tenets of constancy. | DAMMIT!! |
Hey, calm down. You're wrinkling your church clothes! | Who cares? This is the best part of the week! |
The dump? | Yeah. We're gonna get rid of the Christmas tree. It's starting to turn brown. |
The dump? | Wanna come with? |
No, no, I don't feel like going to a trash pile today. | It's your life. |
It looks Japanese. | Wh... what's going on? Wh... wha... why am I on a Japanese box? |
It looks Japanese. | Oh, my God, what is that?... |
I don't know... guilt? | Volunteering is for suckers! Do you know that so-called "volunteers" don't even get paid? |
Homer! Will you get that crazy box off the dinner table? It came from the dump. | But Marge, I'm obsessed with it! Where did it come from? What is it a box of? How'd my face get on it?! |
Hai! | Akira, can you read this for me? |
Yes. You have very lucky dishes, Mr. Simpson. This soap is from the sacred forest of Hokkaido. Renowned for its countless soap factories. | Hokkaido, eh? |
Okay. Here you go. The phone book for Hokkaido, Japan. | Thank you. May I please use your phone? |
Is it a local call? | Y-y-y-yes. |
Moshi-moshi? | Yes. This is Homer Simpson from America. Who may I say is speaking to me? |
Hello Chief. Let's talk why not? | Uh, hello? Why am I Mr. Sparkle? |
Oh, you like Mr. Sparkle? | Well, I am Mr. Sparkle! |
Look, we got a package from the Mr. Sparkle Company in Japan! | Ow! |
It's a videotape! | Put it in! Put it in! |
Bor-ing. | That didn't explain anything. All I know is they stole my face and used it for their stupid "logo". There's no other explanation. |
Yep. There's your answer, Fish Bulb. | Well, it was a good ride while it lasted. C'mon kids. Let's go home. |
We are home. | That was fast. |
He... Mista Sparkaru! Mista Sparkaru! | Konichi-wa. |
Play dead! | No, run around in circles! |
...Baboons to the left of me, baboons to the right, the speeding locomotive tore through a sea of inhuman fangs. A pair of the great apes rose up at me, but BIFF! BAM! I sent them flying like two hairy footballs. A third came screaming at me And that's when I got mad... | Now that's religion. |
Yes, sir. | Chair goes round... chair goes round. |
Hey, Homer, ya busy? | Yes. |
Uh, maybe we oughta say "Hi" to him. | I don't know. I'm kind of dizzy. I should probably go home sick. |
How do you do. | Wow. You've got pencils with your name on 'em. Just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these. |
Oh, yeah. Carl and I each have a masters. 'Course old Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant. | I didn't even know what a nuclear panner plant was. |
Um... Yeah... Well, listen, I'm... sure we all have a lot of work to do. | Hey, you seem like a great guy, so I'll give you a little tip. If you turn that security camera around, you can sleep and no one will ever know. |
Uh, I don't think we're being paid to sleep. | Oh, yeah, they're always trying to screw ya. |
My name is Grimes, uh, Simpson. Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name. The least you can do is learn mine. | Okay, Grimy! |
You're eating my special dietetic lunch. | Huh? |
You're eating my special dietetic lunch. | Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. |
The bag was clearly marked. Please be more careful in the future. | Check. |
I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my office, Simpson. | I wish I had a nickel for every time I've heard that. TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL GAME / TAKE ME OUT TO THE BALL! So what's new, Grimy? |
Look at your control panel! | Oh. A five THIRTEEN. I'll handle it. |
Look at your control panel! | That got it. |
You idiot! You nearly drank a beaker full of sulfuric acid! | Acid, eh? Gee, that would have been stupid. Boy would my face have been red! |
Who did this to my wall? | He did. |
Come with me. | He likes you. |
But, Sir, if I could... | Hi, Grimy, old buddy. |
I'm not your buddy, Simpson. I don't like you. In fact, I hate you. Stay the hell away from me! Because from now on... we're enemies! | Okay. Do I have to do anything? |
INT. MOE'S TAVERN - continuous) | Oh, I can't believe it. I've got an enemy. Me! The most beloved man in Springfield. |
Ah, it's a weird world, Homer. As hard as it is to believe, some people don't care for me, neither. | No, I won't accept that. |
Okay, gimme that. Gimme it back! | Oh, what'll I do, Moe? |
Well, why don't you invite him over to dinner. Turn him from an enemy into a friend. Then when he's not expecting it, bam! The old fork in the eye. | Do you think it might work without the fork in the eye? |
Okay. | Marge -- perfect. Bart -- perfect. Other kid -- perfect. |
I only have five lobsters. Are you sure he's not bringing anyone with him? | No, no. He doesn't know he's coming to dinner. I didn't think he'd come, so I called and said I had something really important to tell him and that I could only tell him about it here. |
I only have five lobsters. Are you sure he's not bringing anyone with him? | It's him! It's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him!... |
Calm down, Homer. Calm down. Answer the door. | Welcome-to-the-Simpson-residence-or-Casa-De-Simpson-as-I-call-it-heh-heh-heh-heh. |
Yeah. What did you want to see me about, Simpson? This better be important. | It is. It is. But first let me introduce you to my family. My perfect family. |
Yeah. What did you want to see me about, Simpson? This better be important. | This is my wife, Marge... |
Hello. | ... and our beautiful baby. My daughter, Lisa -- I.Q. 156. |
Hi. | See. And my son, Bart -- he owns a factory downtown. |
How do you do. Look, Homer, I'm I'm late for my night job at the foundry, so if you don't mind telling m... Good heavens! Th-this is a palace. How can... how in the world can you afford to live in a house like this, Simpson? | I 'unno. Don't ask me how the economy works. |
Yeah, but look at the size of this place. I-I-I live in a single room, above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley. | Wow. |
I... I'm sorry, isn't that...? | Yeah, that's me all right. And the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford. And this is when I was on tour with The Smashing Pumpkins. Oh, and here's a picture of me in outer space. |
You. Went into outer space. You. | Sure. You've never been? |
You. Went into outer space. You. | Would you like to see my Grammy Award? |
No! I wouldn't Gaw, I've had to work hard every day of my life. And what do I have to show for it? This briefcase, and this haircut. And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance? | What? |
Everything! -- A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes, and lobsters for dinner. And do you deserve any of it? No! | What are you saying? |
Homer, why aren't you at work? | The car won't start. And I don't feel very good today. I am at work. |
You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you? | Wh-- th-- that's crazy talk. You're crazy, Marge. Get off the road. |
He doesn't hate you. He just feels insecure because you're getting through life so easily and it's been so difficult for him. | Yeah, yeah, that's his problem. He's a nut. It's not about me being lazy, it's about him being a crazy nut! |
Just a little more... Then he won't have any reason to resent you. | I'll do it. To professionalism! |
Oh, here we go. | Oh. Design your own power plant, eh? This is my chance to show everyone how professional I am. |
Oh, here we go. | Lenny, tell Mr. Burns I've gone home to work on the contest. |
I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some kind of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand. | Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles? |
Pipe down! | Well, basically I just copied the plant we have now... |
I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh d'oh d'oh! | Hey, you okay, Grimy? |
I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson. | You wish. |
Frank Grimes, or "Grimy" as he liked to be called, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle through life was tragically cut short, I'm sure he's looking down... | Change the channel, Marge. |
Well, golly, I'd love to chat, but my son's been kidnapped. You haven't seen him, have you? Caucasian male, between the ages of six and ten, thinning hair? | Over there. |
Hey, I'm sweet. I'm sweeter than Jewish wine. | Barney, where's my car?!! |
Then prove it. I want you to charm the next pretty young thing that walks through that door. | Ah, grrrreetings! |
Son, it's me! I floated up toward heaven, but got lost along the way! | Dad? Is that really you? |
Darn tootin', ya lousy fink! You buried me naked and sold my suit to buy a ping-pong table! What kind of a son-- | Call me when you get a karaoke machine. |
Here he is! | I'm hiding from th-th-th-th-the ghost. |
Ghost? What ghost? | B-b-before the show, you said we were having a Special Ghost tonight! |
You know Homer, we've all been busy as beavers preparing for our very own show. | Marge, have you ever imagined what it would be like if we really were beavers? |
Yes! And it might look something like this... | Honey, I'm home! |
Yes! And it might look something like this... | It's not a plant, Marge, it's a tree, and I've nearly chewed through it. Now remember, my new boss is coming home for dinner tonight. |
In a minute, Homie. I have to get the door. | But, Marge...! |
Inflation, trade deficit, horrible war atrocities... how are we supposed to do our big musical number with so many problems in the world? | Well, I know one thing in this world that's still pure and good. |
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