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No, no, no. Don't you know what it means? | Not... really... |
It all happened shortly after my eighth birthday... | O-kay, here we go... |
Oh, I cannot get married. I'm just beginning to enjoy my bachelorhood. Ah, what am I going to do?! | Tell her the truth. You're not ready to get married. |
No, no. I cannot lie to my mother. | Then get married. What the hell do you want from me?! |
It worked! It worked! The lie has set me free!! | Loser. Loser. Loser. Five... hundred.... dollars! Apu wake up! I want to buy a Yodel and this lottery ticket. |
It worked! It worked! The lie has set me free!! | I have this much. |
I am sorry, you do not have enough for both. | Oh... Oh... Ooo... Oh... Yodel. |
I am sorry, you do not have enough for both. | Late night, huh? |
I'm not the type to kiss and tell, sir, but listen to this... | You dog. |
Oh, no! Oh, no! What am I going to do?! | What's the big problem? |
The wife that I told her I had. I do not have a wife. | Then maybe you shouldn't of told her you did. |
Oh, yes, that'll buy me some time. Homer, you've got to help me! | Okay... seems to me , what you oughta do is, um... |
What?! What?! What?! What?! What?! | Wellll, you could always move into my house, and tell your mom that Marge is your wife. |
Is it me, or do your plans always involve some horrible web of lies? | It's you. |
What?! | Please? It's just for as long as his mother's living here. |
How was your day, sweetheart? | Can you feel the love? |
Ohhhh. Here I am! | Okay, gotta run. Apu, I'm sure you wanna to get upstairs and fix that broken toilet before Marge yells at you again. |
Baloney. You came here to put me in a home. | You're already in a home. |
Abraham Simpson. Cornelius Talmadge. | Oh, no, I'm not... Oh, well, let's see whatcha got here. |
All right, folks, it's supper time. | Supper at 4 o'clock? Oh-ho, what a sweet deal! |
All right, folks, it's supper time. | Hey! They got chairs with wheels, and here I am using my legs like a sucker! |
Fully. We have to go now. | Jasper. Gladys. Beatrice. Lookin' good, Hattie. Asa. Hazel. Hazel! Hazel! |
Fully. We have to go now. | Oh, the hell with her. Hester. Emil. Prudence. Lemuel. Increase. Dad. |
Supper time! | Oh, no you don't. |
Oh, yes I do. | Eat my dust! |
Wow, someone sure likes his kidney mush. | Damn right. |
Wow, someone sure likes his kidney mush. | Mmm. Who knew that Lay's made liquid potato chips? I can't suck just one. |
Another bag of chips, Mr. Talmadge? | Please. Also, I think I'm getting a bedsore. What do you have to do to get turned around here? |
Another bag of chips, Mr. Talmadge? | Hey, what's Lucky hooked up to? |
A respirator. It breathes for him. | And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker! And how come everyone gets a bedpan and I have to walk all the way over there? |
You mean there? | Yeah! |
Well, I'm glad you were having fun, because I've had my hands full with Apu's mother. | Ohhh, right, right. The fake marriage thing. How's that goin'? |
Mother, I am so sorry. I lied to you about being married. | Lied to his mother. |
Yeah, shut up. | You could fake your own death... |
Oh, would you shut up. | All you need is a car bomb and... |
To Marge! | Moe, what do you recommend for severe depression? |
Well, just twenty-four hours of freedom left... | Actually, it's more like twelve. No, I'm so stupid, seven. It's seven hours. You have seven hours. See? Seven. |
"WELL, I'M HOT BLOODED / CHECK IT AND SEE / I'VE GOT A FEVER OF A HUNDRED AND THREE..." | C'mon. You shouldn't be spending your last hours of bachelorhood in a dump like this. |
"WELL, I'M HOT BLOODED / CHECK IT AND SEE / I'VE GOT A FEVER OF A HUNDRED AND THREE..." | You should be livin' like there's no tomorrow. And I know just the place. |
"WELL, I'M HOT BLOODED / CHECK IT AND SEE / I'VE GOT A FEVER OF A HUNDRED AND THREE..." | Ahh. Is this the life, or what? |
Can you believe it? Tradition forbids me even to speak to the woman I am about to spend my life with. Hmf, has the whole world gone crazy? | Nah, just your screwy country. |
Your old friend Apu is a lamb being led to the slaughter. | Don't worry, Apu. Some day you'll meet someone you really love. |
Oof, I am really doomed. Only the gods could stop this wedding now. | Gods, eh? |
Dad, those peanuts aren't for you, they're for the elephant. | Screw him. |
Dad, those peanuts aren't for you, they're for the elephant. | Put me down! Ganesh commands you! Oh-ho-ho-ho! |
Got you. | Come on, elephant. Put me down! Hey, everyone seems upside down. |
But we didn't enter any police raffle. | That doesn't matter. The important thing is we won. |
I don't know... there's something very peculiar about this. | Sheesh! You're the most paranoid family I've ever been affiliated with. |
All right, uh, Simpson, Homer. You're next. | Woo hoo! |
All right, uh, Simpson, Homer. You're next. | Howdy, gents! I'm here to collect my free-- |
All right, uh, Simpson, Homer. You're next. | OW! OW! My boating arm! What's going on? |
Ha, I hope you brought your checkbook, wise guy. | Lousy cops. Lucky for you I'm double-parked or I'd... There. Now, can I please have my motorboat? |
Dad? Why aren't you saying anything? Where's our motorboat? | I didn't like it. The mast had termites. |
Why would a motorboat have a mast? | Because... the thingee was... shut up. |
Hey, they can't just build a parking lot on Saber Tooth Meadow. That's where they discovered all those fossils! | Fossils shmossils. You can't stop progress 'cause of some moldy old bones. Bones shmones. |
What is it? / What? / That's unbelievable. / Oh, this is nice. / Wow. | Lemme through! I got here late! |
Lisa's right! It's an angel! | Now that's interesting. |
Oh, we can work this out, friends. In the spirit of sharing, what say we simply place the sacred bones in-- | So long, suckers! |
What are you doing with that? | I'm locking it up in my safe deposit closet with my other valuables. |
What are you doing with that? | I'll just leave it in here a few years and let it appreciate in value. |
It's probably a million years old, Dad. I think it's as valuable as it's gonna get. | Pfft. That's what they said about this Billy Beer, smartypants. |
It's probably a million years old, Dad. I think it's as valuable as it's gonna get. | Ahh. We elected the wrong Carter. |
Coming up next... an hilarious "boat giveaway" scam nets Springfield's dumbest criminals! | Sounds like goood watchin'. |
Hey-hey there, Marge. Just brought the kids over to share a prayer with the blessed angel, if it's okay with you. | Get your own angel, ya moocher. |
Sorry to trouble you, but I'm goin' in for surgery tomorrow, and I wondered if I could rub the angel with my foot for good luck. It's foot surgery. | Hey, I'm trying to eat here. Beat it, Pegleg! |
C'mon, Homer. I just want a quick look-see. Pay ya a buck... | A buck, eh? That gives me an idea... |
C'mon, Homer. I just want a quick look-see. Pay ya a buck... | Fifty cents, please. |
What about that sign right there? | That's a typo. |
Just let me take it to the museum for one day. They can do scientific tests and prove it's not an angel. | Oh, no. Oh, no. We could lose out on bags and bags of money. It's sacrilegious, I tell ya. |
You did what? / Analysis? / I don't like her. | Pfft! Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true. Facts shmacts. |
Good. Stay there. | Okay, folks. Get your angel glow sticks! No one gets into heaven without a glow stick! |
Hey, she's gonna smash the angel! | Somebody stop her! |
It's gone... | Oh-ho, no! This can't be happening! What the hell are we gonna do with ten thousand angel ashtrayyys? |
I could take up smoking. | You damn well better! |
I could take up smoking. | Okay, okay, don't panic. Marge, stop panicking. We need a replacement skeleton, and we need it now. Bart! Strip down to your skeleton! |
Well, it didn't ride up on no zebra. | Look! A message! |
Well, it didn't ride up on no zebra. | "The end will come at sundown." Heh heh heh heh. Hey, wait a second. I don't like the sound of that. |
Hardly. Anyone could have written that. | Oh angel, listen not to this child of Satan. |
Uhm, nah. | Oh, Marge, don't let go, no matter what. If they want you in heaven, they gotta take me, too. |
It's Wednesday, Homer. | Work! |
It's Wednesday, Homer. | Ahh, I love these real Saturdays. They're so relaxing. Not like that fake Saturday that almost got me fired. |
Is this all we're going to do today? | Absolutely. |
You know, Homer, I'm starting to realize life is short. | It is? |
We have to make the most of the time we have. | We do? |
Otherwise, we could wake up one day and realize we've wasted our whole lives. | Oh, that. |
Otherwise, we could wake up one day and realize we've wasted our whole lives. | Ah. |
Friends of the Library is holding an historic manuscript viewing. | Pfft. Friends of the library? |
Ooo... Oo! There's an Azalea festival at the public garden! | I went yesterday. |
I'm tired of being cooped up in this house all the time! | Open a window. |
I don't want a drug boat. | Well, I bet there's drug dresses and drug vacuum cleaners, too! |
Sold! | Woo hoo! |
You bought a car?! Without consulting me?! | I don't recall being consulted when you bought that hat. |
I found this hat! | Then what are you complaining about? You got yours. Mm-hm-hm. |
Homer, be careful... | Oh, yeah. You've gotta be careful when you do a trick like this.... |
Stop, Homer! Stop it! Let me out! | You're the boss. |
I'm not getting back in this car until you drive like a sane person. | Okay-bye-love-you. |
Geez, this hot-rod is souped up six ways from Sunday. Never had you figured for a gear-head, Homer. | Oh, yeah. I'm a real expert. |
What is that? A six-barrel Hollye carb? | You betcha. |
Edelbrock intakes... | Nothin' but. |
Meyerhof lifters... | Oh yeah. |
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