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Whoa, cool! God is so in-your-face. | Yeah. He's my favorite fictional character. |
Aw, those poor badgers are soaked. | Quiet. God looks like he has something important to say. |
Oh my goodness! That was a long movie! It's time for school! Let's go! Let's go! | I can't make it in today, Mr. Smithers. I have Smallpox... Well, it wasn't wiped out in my house. |
Oops! That's for me. Flancrest Enterprises is my home business. | You liar. You don't have a home business. Why would you make up a lie like that? |
No-ho-ho, it's true! Maude and I sell religious hook rugs over the Internet. | Internet, eh? |
Yes indeedy. Makin' some good scratch, too. | Scratch, eh? |
Yep. | Maude, eh? |
Homer, what are you doing? | No time to answer that, Marge. I'm setting up a home office for my new business enterprise. |
What business enterprise? | Ever heard of a little thing called the Internet? |
Internet, eh? | Oh yeah, everybody's making money off the Internet except us. We've fallen behind. Way behind. |
Is that my good butter? | Can't discuss that now, Marge. I have to write another delicious memo. |
Is that my good butter? | Mmm... memo. |
What exactly is it your company does again? | Uh, this industry moves so fast, it's really hard to tell. That's why I need a name that's cutting edge, like Cutco... or Edgecom... Interslice... Come on, Marge -- you're good at these. Help me out. |
How about CompuGlobal HyperMegaNet? | Fine. It's not important. What really matters is my title. I think I'll make myself Vice President. No, wait... Junior Vice President. |
How about CompuGlobal HyperMegaNet? | CompuGlobal HyperMegaNet. Junior Vice President Homer Simpson speaking. How may I direct your call? |
How about CompuGlobal HyperMegaNet? | It's Patty. |
Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatible with my token-ring ethernet LAN configuration? | Can I have some money now? |
Homer, Bill Gates is here. | Bill Gates? Billionaire computer nerd Bill Gates? Oh my God, oh my God! Get out of sight, Marge! I don't want this to look like a two-bit operation! |
Mr. Simpson? | You don't look so rich. |
Don't let the haircut fool you. I'm exceedingly wealthy. | Get a load of the bowl job, Marge. |
Your Internet ad was brought to my attention. But I can't figure out what, if anything, CompuGlobal HyperMegaNet does. So rather than risk competing with you, I've decided simply to buy you out. | This is it, Marge. I poured my heart and soul into this business, and now it's finally paying off! We're rich! Richer than astronauts! |
Homer, quiet. You'll queer the deal. | Oh, right. I reluctantly accept your proposal. |
Well, everyone always does. "Buy him out," boys! | Hey, what the hell's going on?! |
What do we need church shoes for? Jesus wore sandals. | Well, maybe if he had better arch support, they wouldn't have caught him. |
Look, Homer. There's that bird you like to argue with. | Well, well, well... If it isn't Professor Know-it-all. 'Scuse me, Marge. |
Hey, if you didn't wanna tie shoes, you shouldn't a become a shoe salesman. | That's where you're wrong, pal! |
Hey, if you didn't wanna tie shoes, you shouldn't a become a shoe salesman. | It's not enough to want a cracker. You have to earn it! |
Excuse me, sir? Do you like to laugh? | Why, yes. Yes I do. |
Well, then you'll love our comedy festival. It's for a good cause. | A rest home for pirates? |
No, Dad, it's to fight soil erosion. | Now that's a fight I wanna be a part of. |
I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the zebra did it. | I don't get it. |
Dad, the zebra didn't do it. It's just a word at the end of the dictionary. | I still don't get it. |
It's just a joke. | Oh I get it. I get jokes. |
Plus, I got this new boyfriend. And you know how it is when you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud... | Yes! Yes! Oh, God yes! |
'Bout time. Gimme those reviews. | Take that, Marge! |
Dad! | Woop, sorry son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown. |
Thank you. Thank you. And now, the all new comedy stylings of... Krrrusty the Clown... | Oooh! Oh! Krusty! |
Uhh... what about 2 cent stamps?... pizza pie's very hot these days, uh... can't open pickle jars, no mail on Sunday... out of paper towels... Oh! Oh! Oh! What's the deal with cardboard?... | Booo! |
Me too... | I also have to go. Booo! |
Four drink minimum? | I'll cover ya, honey. |
So, I'm watchin' TV today... | Woo! TV! Yeah! |
Yeah! / Right On, Krusty! / You Tell 'Em! | Impeach Churchill! |
It's my allowance, Mother, and I'll burn it the way I want. | Take that, you greedy fat cats. Marge, gimme your purse. |
Dad! | You too, Bart. |
Oh, knock it off, Homer. You're the fattest one in the car... | You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge. |
I brought a bag of money in case he wants us to burn it again. | I hope he tells us to burn our pants. These things are drivin' me nuts! |
Oooo! / What did you do? / | Don't you hate pants? |
Ow! Bart, that has nuts in it! | Hey, I thought your mother told you to take a bath. |
Yeah, Mom says a lot of things. | Aw, I understand, kids. I'm not a bath man myself -- more of a cologne man. |
Actually, we can't take a bath anyway. The water heater is broken. | Don't worry. Daddy'll fix it. |
Actually, we can't take a bath anyway. The water heater is broken. | Hmmm. |
Actually, we can't take a bath anyway. The water heater is broken. | Outta my way! She's gonna blow! |
What on earth -- ?! | Hi sweetie. I'm off to Moe's. Love ya. |
Yeah. Big deal. You got a wife. I got a rash. Who cares? Ech, I'm sorry, Homer. It's just, it's been four years since my last date with a whatchacallit, uh, woman. | Whatever happened to your mail order bride? |
Ah, she got homesick for her old life, diving for tourist pennies in a Micronesian swamp. | So her career got in the way. |
Yeah, I don't blame her. No girl wants to end up with a Joe Puke-pail like me. | Now, now, I won't hear of it, Moe. You're a fabulous catch. |
Yeah, I don't blame her. No girl wants to end up with a Joe Puke-pail like me. | He thought he was gonna steal-- |
Yeah, well, uh, how come I ain't fendin' off movie starlets with a pointy stick? | Oh, it's probably due to your ugliness. But that doesn't mean we can't find you a woman. Come on, we're goin' to the darkest bar in town. |
Ah, I don't know, Homer. Women can smell panic. And, uh, right now, I gotta be reekin' of it. | Relax. All I smell is garlic and fish. |
It's all yours. | Okay, I won't lie to you. A lot of people saw that. But you gotta keep tryin'. |
No, I'm in love with you. | Hey, don't give up, Moe. The girl of your dreams has gotta be in some bar. |
I like a face with character. | Let's get out of here, Moe. This is goin' nowhere. |
Who cares? You're goin' out with me. She's going out with me, cat! | Stop kissing that cat and get in the car! |
So, Renee, it looks like you've taken quite a shine to Moe. Do you mind if I ask why? | Maa-rrge... |
But he's really grown on me. He's got this insecure, sweaty charm. | Oh, yeah, I got that. |
Well, that's it. It's all over. Renee ain't gonna wanna hang around with no Joe Pinchpenny. | Aw, come on, Moe. Think of all you have to offer besides money. |
Ah, Homer, what am I gonna do? Renee's my last chance for true love. | If you really need money, you could sell a kidney, or maybe even your car. |
Nah, my car ain't worth nothin'. But it is insured... For five grand... Homer, I need your help. You gotta steal this car and wreck it for me. | Steal? Oh no, you got the wrong guy. |
Nah, my car ain't worth nothin'. But it is insured... For five grand... Homer, I need your help. You gotta steal this car and wreck it for me. | You dropped somethin'. |
C'mon, Homer! I'm one of your dearest friends! When everybody said you were too drunk to drive that time, who gave you your keys? | Oh, you did. But -- I still don't know... I can just imagine what Marge would say. |
Homer, I insist you steal that car. | I'll do it! |
Okay, here's the plan. This model car represents my car, huh? And this olive is you. Now... | Mmmm... me. |
Listen up, here. Tomorrow night at eight, you go down to the waterfront and you "steal" my car. | What about the cops? |
That's the beauty part. Every cop in town's gonna be on the Police Department's Moonlight Charity Cruise. And I'm gonna be right there with 'em. | So, as soon as you get back, we steal the car, right? |
WHAM! The insurance company pays off five thousand clams. I keep showing Renee the sweet life. | You're a genius, Moe. All your troubles will soon be over for a couple months. |
Why all the black? | Why all the pearls? Why all the hair? Why anything? |
You look a little nervous, Dad. | No, you look a little nervous, Lisa. |
You're up to something, aren't you? | No. I'm just going out to commit certain deeds. |
You're up to something, aren't you? | Suckers. |
Get off me, Mr. President! | That's what you get for not hailing to the Chimp. |
Homer, did you really steal a car? | Whoa! Hang on a minute! The guard said I have visitors coming! |
Dad, we're the visitors. | Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh! Great! Listen, I know it looks bad. But all I can tell you is I destroyed that car for all the right reasons. |
I'd like to believe you... | That's my girl. You just go home, and don't worry your pretty blue head about it. Moe will take care of everything. |
Well, Dad, in the meantime, here's a carton of smokes you can use to buy stuff. | Aw, thanks, boy. I'll give you two packs for that candy bar. |
Three. | Why you little... |
Pssst. Homer. Homer. Wake up. | Moe! Oh, Moe, thank God you're here! |
Yeah, congratulations, Homer. The plan worked perfectly. | But I'm in jail. |
Yeah, yeah, that's, that's a kick in the pants. | Moe, you gotta get me outta here. Tell the cops I didn't steal the car. Say you lent it to me. |
Yeah, I wish I could, Homer, but if I change my story, they're gonna throw me in here. | But Moe, we're best friends... |
Ohh, cripes, the puppy-dog look. All right, all right. I'll use the money to bail you out. | Hurry, Moe. At three o'clock they're going to put us in the exercise yard. The exercise yard! |
Ten minutes till fresh air and exercise. | Hurry up, Moe, for the love of God! Hurry up! |
Hawaii, here we come! "I Nanakuli makou 'ai ana o na uluwahi Hawaii!" | Hawaii? What about Hawaii? Moe? Who's going to Hawaii? Am I going to Hawaii? |
Hey! Stop saying Hawaii in there! | Let me out! I'm innocent! I changed my mind, I don't want to be in here anymore! |
Would you care for some reading material? | Hmm... This could be useful... |
Homer! Thank God, you gotta help me here! | Oh-ho, I'll help you. Help you die! |
Oh, boy... Uh, I really wanna sleep... | I... also sleep... G'night, Mommy... |
Oh, Homer, I been the world's biggest rat. Can you ever forgive me? | Ohh, I could never stay mad at you, Moe. After all, you get me drunk. |
Aww! Ah, my poor bar. It's all gone. | Aw, Moe, Moe, Moe, dry those beady little eyes. Your buddy Homer'll get you back on your feet. |
Kids, from now on, I don't want you touching anything in our house. Dart! | Woo hoo! |
More comin'. | Um, I'm looking for something in an after-dinner burrito. |
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