instruction stringlengths 1 496 | response stringlengths 1 472 |
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"AND I-I-I-E-E-I-I-I-E-E-I-I-I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOUUU!..." Ha! | Clear! |
You know, I really don't care for that code name. | Look out, Marge! Cat! |
I know you're excited about starting your new job, but could you just relax for now? | Hold it! What's your clearance? |
We just want to get a snack. | Access denied. |
Homer! I don't want you using your new sleeper hold on the children. | They'll be fine in half an hour. |
That's not the point. And another thing. I asked you to take out the garbage three days ago and you still haven't-- | Hmm, still half an hour till dinner. Oh, well... |
Heh. Here's a couple of Düffenbraus, on the house, of course. | Semi-imported. Keep 'em comin'. |
That "change" was a bribe. | Oh, honey, don't be so naive. That's how the world works. Sure, the mayor takes a few bribes, but he also makes the trains run on time. |
Thank you, Fat Tony. However, in the future, I would prefer a nondescript briefcase to the sack with a dollar sign on it. | So, how'd you get the nickname "Legs"? |
Well, that's an interesting story. It seems President Kennedy's father... | Oooh, mini-cannoli! |
Well, that's an interesting story. It seems President Kennedy's father... | Hey! I called that! I saw it first! Come back here! |
Well, that's an interesting story. It seems President Kennedy's father... | Milking room? I hope you cows are decent. |
Well, that's an interesting story. It seems President Kennedy's father... | Oh! Crap on a crutch! |
Well, that's an interesting story. It seems President Kennedy's father... | They're milking rats! Milk-ing rats! |
Dad! What a nice surprise. | Oh, get that away from me! |
Dad! What a nice surprise. | Kids, I don't want you drinking any more milk. Ever. |
Can I still drink it? | Go nuts. |
Those wacky gangsters. What are you gonna do? | And to think, I respected you! And defended you! You wouldn't even be alive if it wasn't for me! |
Help! Help! | His corpse is climbing the building! |
I'm alive, you idiot! Pull me in! | A-- Wait a second. I'm not saving you unless you promise to get that rats' milk out of the schools. |
But the gangsters will kill me. | You're forgetting, you've got the best bodyguard in the business. Now promise, or I'll let you fall to your death. |
All right! All right, I promise. | Shake on it? |
All right! All right, I promise. | Relax, you're in good hands. Now come on, I'll pull you up. |
I am not so much disappointed as I am blinded with rage. | Ooh, the Mafia guy's all mad. Oh, what are you gonna do? Call your Godfather? Huh? Ooh, Godfather. Break it down! |
Aren't you scared, Dad? I mean, if I were Fat Tony, and God willing someday I will be, I'd just be stewing in my jail cell, gettin' madder and madder. | Oh, don't worry about that, boy. He's already out on bail. Well, I'm off to work. |
You're guarding the mayor tonight? After Fat Tony swore revenge? | It's my duty, Marge. Besides, those mobsters don't scare me. Bart, would you go start Daddy's car? |
Homer! | What? There's nothing to worry about. |
Homer! | All right, fine. I'll take a cab. |
Homer, I'm, uh, not sure it's wise to go out right now. I was thinking of a quiet evening at home with the, uh... wife. | Oh, I get it. You're worried about those mobsters, aren't ya? |
No, no, I truly do want to stay home with the... wife. | You've gotta snap out of this funk, Mayor. I'm gonna take you someplace where you can relax and forget all about gangsters. |
Nnyyeeeeeesss? | Do you have a table for the mayor? |
Nnyyeeeeeesss. | Why do you talk that way? |
Dear Lord, please make tonight's production better than "Othello" with Peter Marshall. | Okay, Mr. Burns, Fat Tony, what's-his-name... Fat Tony?! |
Dear Lord, please make tonight's production better than "Othello" with Peter Marshall. | All right, Fat Tony. If it's trouble with Quimby you're after-- |
Please, I am only here as a devotee of the lively arts. But I do have something for the mayor that perhaps you could deliver. | Mayor, Fat Tony asked me to give you this-- |
You moron! That's the Kiss of Death! | Oh no. Wait... maybe I didn't do it right. |
Ah, au gratin potatoes, that's a quality side. | Nooooooooo!!! |
Ah, au gratin potatoes, that's a quality side. | Potatoes are clean. The poison must be in the steak. |
"... GUYS AND DOLLS. WE'RE JUST A BUNCH OF CRAZY GUYS AND DOLLS. OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, GUYS AND DOLLS...!" "AND OH THOSE DOLLS! WE'RE DANCING, YEAH, YEAH, YE-AH! AND GAMBLING, YEAH, YEAH, YE-AH!" | Yesss! Nobody messes with the mayor when Homer Simpson's on -- Aw, crap. |
But I'm just here to kill... Wha-- | That guy with the knife sure can dance, huh? |
He looks awfully familiar. | I think I saw him in "Rent," or "Stomp," or "Clomp," or some piece of crap. |
Show's over, Mayor! | Look out! |
Show's over, Mayor! | Gimme that knife! |
Homer... use... the forrr... | "The force?!" |
The forks... use the forks...! | Oh. |
The forks... use the forks...! | Oh, Fat Tony. |
I checked with the doctor. He said Mayor Quimby's gonna be fine... and I was electric as Nathan Detroit. What did you think of me? | Ohh, I'd say you were luminous, magnetic, incandescent. |
Ohh... cheer up, Homer. I think you made a great bodyguard. | Really? Would you say I was magnetic? |
Absolutely. | Aww... |
Oh, wait, here it is. | Get out of the way you-- |
I'm surprised they bothered to move it when they moved the town. | Oh, I can explain that. You see... |
Hockey puuuuucks... | Don Rickles zinged you, Marge. |
Dust!!! | Eat my dust, dust! |
We'd better stop and get the car washed. | Aaah, what's the rush? Might rain next week. |
Hey, Homer. Car's kinda dirty. | Really? You think I should get it washed? |
You listen to your friends, but you never listen to me. | Hey, that's great. |
No... | Wuss rock? |
That's it. | Ten dollars?! What is this, a car wash for millionaires? |
Five dollars, please. | Hey! How did Churchy La Femme get half price? |
Senior citizen's discount. | Senior citizen? Flanders? |
Senior citizen's discount. | Well, we'll see about that. |
Now we're going to pass this around a second time. Brother Ned, if you'll do the honors. | I wouldn't do that, Reverend. You see, "Saint Flanders" is as crooked as you or me! |
/ What's he talking about? / What's he saying? / Who is he? / etc. | That's right, it's my sad duty to rat out this man for defrauding a car wash. How, you ask? With a phony senior discount card! |
Well, that's not quite true-- | Did you or did you not use a senior citizen discount card at said car wash? |
Well, I did, but-- | Now I'm not a fancy big-city lawyer... |
Well, yes. | And you are how old? |
You've never licked maple syrup off your lover's stomach? | You mean that one with the red paint? |
No, no, and double-no! I haven't done any of those things, folks. You name it, I haven't done it! | Geez, Flanders. You're 60 years old, and you haven't lived a day in your life. |
Rod, call Doctor Stein. | All right, Bart! |
Rod, call Doctor Stein. | Fire in the hole! |
Rod, call Doctor Stein. | Okay, no more gasoline. |
Never a dull moment, huh, Homer? | You got that right. Throw on the mesquite, Bart! |
Here, this may sound just a teensy bit insane in the ol' membrane, Homer. But I, I was wondering if you could show me how to have some fun. | Well, well, well. So flawless Flanders needs help from stinky-pants Simpson. |
Yeah, I, I guess I do. | Welly, welly, welly... Mr. Clean wants to hang with Dirty Dingus Magee. |
How 'bout it, Homer? Will you teach me the secret of your intoxicating lust for life? | Wellity, wellity, wellity... |
Stop that! Will you help me or not? | Let's do it. |
So what about all this meat? | Eh, the Missus will clean that up. |
Now it's Marge's time to shine! | First of all, I get five dollars a day plus expenses. |
Seems fair. | And I'll need your signature... here, here, aaannnnd... initial here. |
Of course I... Oh, my stars! I can't do that. | Well that's unfortunate. It really is. |
All right. | Congratulations! Welcome to the Homer Simpson Program. |
So, what happens next? | One day soon I will come for you, and then the game will begin. Could be in the middle of the night. It could be when you least expect it. Or whatever's good for you. I don't care. |
Okay, Homer. I'm ready to learn. What's the first lesson? Just give me the topic sentence. | Gimme that! |
Okay, Homer. I'm ready to learn. What's the first lesson? Just give me the topic sentence. | That's your problem. You're living up here. |
Okay, Homer. I'm ready to learn. What's the first lesson? Just give me the topic sentence. | You gotta live down here. |
Okay, Homer. I'm ready to learn. What's the first lesson? Just give me the topic sentence. | In the impulse zone. If you want to be like me, you gotta make snap decisions. Like this. |
Okay, Homer. I'm ready to learn. What's the first lesson? Just give me the topic sentence. | We're going to break the bank at the Monty Burns Casino! |
Okay, Homer. I'm ready to learn. What's the first lesson? Just give me the topic sentence. | You mean Lisa? |
Homer, they blew that up yesterday. | Oh yeah, right. |
Homer, they blew that up yesterday. | Then we're goin' to Las Vegas! Which is actually back in that direction. |
Ooh, it's goin' on eight-thirty. I'd better call Maude and tell her where I am. | Relax, I called her from the gas station. |
Thanks, buddy. | Sucker. |
Oh, the lights, the noise, the letter X -- i-it's all designed to inflame the senses. I'm overstimulated! I gotta get out of this town! | I don't think so. |
Oh, the lights, the noise, the letter X -- i-it's all designed to inflame the senses. I'm overstimulated! I gotta get out of this town! | I think you'll find escape is quite impossible. |
If he's not careful, his scooter could roll right down that ramp. | He's a daredevil, Ned. He laughs at death. |
And now, the indestructible Lance Murdock will jump his SuiCycle over an audience member. And he'll do it while attempting to open a locked safe on his head. Any volunteers? | Ooh, ooh, ooh, pick him! Pick him! |
No, Homer, no! I wanna do something exciting, but I can't just go from zero to thirty like that! I-I could be killed. | Fine, I'll do it. Where do you want me? |
Uh, yeah, paint. Now, it's of critical importance that you don't-- | Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll figure it out. This isn't rocket science. |
Well, actually, there are several rockets mounted to the-- | Bo-ring. |
Okay, he's cleared the ring of fire! Past the ring of ice! Over the dog doo stick! He's cracked the safe! | Hey Flanders, Don't spill my beer! |
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