instruction stringlengths 1 496 | response stringlengths 1 472 |
|---|---|
Where'd you get that champagne? | Thanks, Noodles. |
All this commotion just for a store? | Hey, it's not just a store. It's a "mega" store. "Mega" means "good." And "store" means "thing." |
I do! I do! / Right here! | I DO! |
Ha! All right. What's your name, young man? | I don't know. Just give me the dollar. |
Well, I hope this starts you on your way to a great fortune. Now, who wants the second dollar? | I do! |
Now... | I do. |
I need your help. I want to be loved. | I see. Well, I'll need some beer. |
I want you to look at me the way I saw you look at Arthur Fortune. | Oh, Arthur Fortune! |
Yes! That's the look I'm looking for. What would make you and your slovenly kind look at me that way? | Well, you don't have to call me slovenly. |
Take this check for two hundred thousand dollars to the Springfield Hospital. | Can do. |
Well, I will be when the morphine wears off, but until then, Teedily deedily dee dee. Teedily dee dee dee. Woo hoo hoo. Hee hee hee. | Gee, I feel bad. If people knew the real Monty Burns, and not the silver-dollar-throwing morphine addict you've become, they might like you. |
All right, let's get this geezer out quick so we can bring in the lesbian gladiators. | You see white people have names like "Lenny," whereas, black people have names like "Carl." |
That didn't go well, did it? | Good thing those lesbians knew CPR. |
And a stunt like that impresses people? | Oh, yeah! And I'm not easily impressed. Wow! A blue car! |
Well, if a couple of Chinese bamboo gobblers can win people's hearts, I'm gonna bring them something that man has searched for since the dawn of time. | A sober Irishman? |
Ach. The whole town's turned out. I've never seen them so excited. | Hey, Willie. That old couple looks just like you. |
Aye. | Good. Good. One more. |
Where's my monster, Tubby? What do you people think I'm paying you for? | Uh, to work in your power plant? |
The beast looks something like this, only without the saucy t-shirt. | Check. |
We're the laughingstock of the town. | Don't worry, Mr. Burns. We're gonna find that monster, no matter how long it takes. Besides, I'm getting kind of used to wearing a kilt! |
We're the laughingstock of the town. | Can you believe I'm a size four? Woo! |
Nay. 'Tis merely Loch Ness High School's discarded Homecoming float. | No way! Aberdeen rules! |
Tough luck, Simpson. | Come on, Nessie. One more pull. |
I was really starting to enjoy Ethnic Mismatch Comedy #644. I've never heard so many Viagra jokes in thirty seconds. | Shuuuut uppa you mouth. |
Sponsored by "Grandma Plopwell's." The low-fat pudding that's approved for sale... by the government! | All right, a gross-out contest! Grandma Plopwell, you've done it again. |
Next up, Homer and his amazing Reddenbacher dreamcoat, with a number he calls, "Kernel Knowledge." | "I'm hot buttered / Check it and see / I got a fever of four fifty-three..." |
Next up, Homer and his amazing Reddenbacher dreamcoat, with a number he calls, "Kernel Knowledge." | "I'm hot... so very hot..." |
Next up, Homer and his amazing Reddenbacher dreamcoat, with a number he calls, "Kernel Knowledge." | Fours? |
Next up, Homer and his amazing Reddenbacher dreamcoat, with a number he calls, "Kernel Knowledge." | Ow! Ow! Oh! |
All right, judges? Who is our winner? | Judges can't win the contest! Booooo! |
An Open Letter to the People of Springfield: Today our town lost what remained of its fragile civility, drowned in a sea of low-fat pudding. | Look, I got runner-up prize. |
You won second place? | No. But I got it. |
You won second place? | Stealing is wrong. |
Dad, did you see anything provocative in today's paper? | Yes, there's a real think piece here about a bra sale. |
Dad, stop kidding around. Look, they printed my letter. | Hey, that is wonderful, sweetie. I'm gonna read it just as soon as I finish what I'm doing here. |
Well, I'm sure someone had the time to read it. | I envy them. |
Oh, yes. Your name? | Uh... Geraldo... Simpson. |
All right, Mr. Simpson... | Who told you? |
Don't worry, these photos are perfectly legal. Many husbands use them as a romantic gift for their wives. | Uh, you're not gonna ask me to pose nude, are ya? |
Well, yes, unless you have some issues with revealing your body. | Well, I don't, but the Block Association seems to. They wanted a "traditional" Santa Claus. |
Oh Dad, I just spent the day with the most wonderful people. | Oh, that's great, honey. You tell me everything you can before the commercial's over. |
Well, for the first time in my life I feel that someone understands... | Up-bup-bup-bup. |
Are you ready in there, Mr. Simpson? | Are you sure you're a fully accredited and bonded pornographer? |
Just come out. | Please be kind. |
You look fantastic. Let me just adjust my lens here. | Now you're sure this will save my marriage? |
All right, let's do this thing. | It's time to get Homer-erotic. |
Oh, Homie. | Houston, we have a problem. A sexy problem. |
Homie? Well, look at you... | Grrr. I'm gonna to maul you. |
Wooh, wooh. Look at those silk pillows. It's like the set of some high-class porno film! | No, no. It's just our basement. |
Hold on, wha-- That's our basement? | Yeah, so? Come on! More kissing! |
It looks so elegant. And all it takes are some lace curtains and a beaded lampshade. You've got to show me exactly what you did. | But I was gonna score... |
Silence. I don't need anyone to talk for me except this voice-box. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame! | Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink! |
Oh! | Now's our opening. Come on, you idiots, we're taking back this town! |
Lisa, thank God you're okay. | Did you have fun with your robot buddy? |
Who's up for some beers? | I am. |
Your theory of a donut-shaped universe is intriguing, Homer. I may have to steal it. | Wow. I can't believe someone I never heard of is hangin' out with a guy like me. |
I didn't say that. | Yes, I did. |
I didn't say that. | Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink! |
Dad, it's not... | "Gigabytes!" They've done it again. Gigabytes. Wait, this isn't "Weird." Why, there's no magazine called "Weird," is there? |
Hey look, there's a cyber-cafe opening right here in Springfield! Will you take me, Dad? Please? I'll show you how to order pizza over the Internet... | The Internet? Is that thing still around? |
Bart! The Internet is more than a global pornography network. It's a... | Come on, Lisa! Monkeys! |
Wow, Dad, you're surfing like a pro. | Oh yeah. I'm betting on Jai-Alai in the Cayman Islands, I invested in something called News Corp... |
Dad, that's Fox! | Ahh! Undo! Undo! Uhh. |
Dad, do we have any money left? | Well, let's check the old bank account. |
Dad, do we have any money left? | See? Even after all my cyber-squandering we've still got twelve hundred dollars. |
We were robbed?! | You seem to know an awful lot about this for an "innocent person." |
We were saving that money for our family vacation. Now we're gonna have to start all over again. | Ohh, don't worry, sweetheart, I'll get us the money. Even if I have to get a second job. |
Evening, neighbor. Low on funds again? | Yes, sir. |
Now, Homer, we can't have you burglarizing us every time you've got a bill to pay. | I know, sir. I'm sorry, sir. |
Now, Homer, we can't have you burglarizing us every time you've got a bill to pay. | It's just that you and Maude live like royalty in your fancy castle, while I got Marge trapped over there like a pig in a mud beehive. |
Now, Homer, we can't have you burglarizing us every time you've got a bill to pay. | They're years ahead of us. |
Oh, we're not as well-off as you think. We give to eight different churches, just to hedge our bets. And the Leftorium's business has gone way downhill since Leftopolis moved in next door. | Well, if you're not rich then how come you have a new refrigerator, an electric can opener, a milkshake machine... |
Oh-ho-ho, we picked those up cheap. They were evidence in a murder trial! | Sweet. |
We got that tip at the Chuck Garabedian Mega-Savings Seminar. | Go on... |
I think you'll find living thrifty a lot more satisfying than stealing. | Maybe you're right, Ned. Maybe you're right. |
Are you tired of missing out on the good things in life? Family vacations, jet packs, Solid Gold dancers... | There's only three left in the world! |
Squeeze every penny! Squeeze every penny! | I'm squeezing... I'm squee-zing it. Hey, I squeezed so hard it went into my hand. |
Eww... | Wow, this plankton's only 33 cents. |
Um, according to the Mexican Council of Food, this expired two years ago. | Sure, by their standards, but we live in America. |
This also says it can cause red tide poisoning. | But it's so cheap. |
Homer, you could've just unscrewed the bottom. | A little late for "could've's," Marge. |
Come on, Transylvania. | No, mon, let's go home to Jamaica. I and I been in Babylon too long. |
C'mon, Homer! Japan! | No, no Japan. Jamaica! I wanna pass the doochie on the lefthand side. |
Never mind. Looks like the Flanders' are gonna get those seats anyway. | Oh, so Flanders thinks he can steal our vacation, huh? |
Never mind. Looks like the Flanders' are gonna get those seats anyway. | C'mon! |
Come on, Homer, Japan will be fun. You liked "Rashomon." | That's not how I remember it. Besides, if we want to see Japanese people we could have gone to the zoo. |
Homer! | What? The guy who washes the elephants is Japanese. His name is Takashi. He's in my book club. |
I never knew Jim Belushi made so many movies. | Yeah, isn't it amazing? They're filming one right now in the bathroom. |
I never knew Jim Belushi made so many movies. | It's gonna be on towards the end of the flight. |
To-ga! To-ga! Toga 2000! | Marge, they stole my idea! |
Homer, you're supposed to slide those doors open. | I don't have time for that. |
What the--? | Oh, all right. |
Robots be right back. | Whew. All that seizing made me hungry. |
Me too. Let's go to an authentic Japanese noodle house! | The toilet recommended a place called AmericaTown. |
And? | Let's just say the stories about him are greatly exaggerated. |
Don't ask me! I don't know anything! I'm product of American education system. I also build poor quality cars and inferior-style electronics. | Oooh, they got our number. |
But you promised me we'd do something Japanese. | Oh, of course. You're right. You know, I read about a Shinto tea house where they practice the traditional... Run, Bart! |
Hey, look. Isn't that Woody Allen? | Looks like he's doing a commercial. |
Says here they throw salt before they wrestle to purify the ring. | Hmmm... |
Says here they throw salt before they wrestle to purify the ring. | Spare some salt, tubby? |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.