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Tubby? | Hey, that's mine! |
Tubby? | Like we say in my country, "Hasta la vista, baby." |
Congratulations. I am the Emperor and... | Yeah, and I'm Clobbersaurus. |
int. sumo arena - another area) | All hail Emperor Clobbersaurus! |
Your wife has paid your bail, Mr. Simpson-san. | Thank God. I couldn't take another minute in this hell-hole. |
Now can we do something Japanese? | Oh, I'm sick of doing Japanese stuff. In jail we had to be in this dumb Kabuki play about the forty-seven Ronin and I wanted to be Oshi, but they made me Ori. |
Now can we do something Japanese? | I didn't... What is it? Lunch? |
Honey, I know you want to see Japan, but we're down to our last million yen. | Don't worry, ichiban. I'll show you something Japanese. |
Oh, it's beautiful, Dad. | It's a crane. The Japanese believe they bring good luck. |
Be careful. We need that money to get home. | Shimatta baka-me! |
KNIFE-AH GOES IN, GUTS-AH COME-AH OUT, THAT'S-AH WHAT OSAKA SEAFOOD CONCERN IS ALL ABOUT. | This sucks. What else is on? |
Don't patronize me! Now, Simpson family, have you picked a wish? | Well, I haven't talked it over with the family, but I think we'd all like a free dinner at AmericaTown. |
Now our gameshows are a little different from yours. Your shows reward knowledge. We punish ignorance. | Ignor-- what? |
Okay, let's begin. Our categories are "OW, THAT HURTS," "WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" and "PLEASE LET ME DIE." | Do "OW THAT HURTS." |
I had an inkling. | Could someone please whack my hernia back in? |
Mr. Simpson, we'll cut you down as soon as you answer one question about Japan. | Is the answer Japan? |
Congratulations Simpsons, the airline tickets are yours. All you have to do is to pick them up...from inside that volcano. | Why are you so cruel? |
This vacation really blows. | Well, at least we're past the lightning round. |
This vacation really blows. | Hmmm, I see... I sure hope they don't have an ice cream round. |
Lisa! | Marge! Your shoe! |
Oh, I'm afraid this might be the end. | Well, at least we'll die doing what we love... inhaling molten rock. |
Don't worry, that "lava" is just Orangeade made by our sponsor, Osaka Orangeade Concern. | It burns! It burns! |
It's loaded with wasabi. Kudos, Simpsons, you have won your freedom! | Before I go, I want to say something. Game shows aren't about cruelty, they're about greed and wonderful prizes like poorly-built catamarans. But somewhere along the line, you lost your way. For shame. |
When we get to thirty-five thousand feet, he usually does let go. So, from there on out all we have to do is worry about Mothra and uh, we do have reports he's tied up with Gamra and Rodan at the present time. Thank you very much. | Undo! Undo! |
Test drive the Elec-taurus today and get a free gift. | My children deserve to see me get a free gift. |
I'm proud of you, Dad. Buying an electric car will help clean the air up and protect the Earth's supply... You're faking this to get the gift, aren't you? | But I like the nice things you said about me. |
Well, that shut me up. | Hello, I, uh, love your planet deeply and am interested in purchasing one of your electronic autos. |
Well, it's always nice to meet people concerned about the environment. | What kind a mint? |
Boy, that quiet engine sure makes conversation a lot easier. | Yeah, it's got a lot of other problems too. |
Ah! Dad, you're headed for the harbor! | Relax, we're in an electric car. |
Hey, we never opened that envelope to see what our gift is. | We didn't? That's odd. Seems like we would've done that right after we left the car place. |
I know, but we didn't. | Well, here it is, so we can open it and find out now. |
Perfect. | Aww, movie tickets! That hardly seems worth destroying a car. |
They're passes to a test screening of a new movie starring Mel Gibson! | Who else is in it? |
Who cares? Mel Gibson! | Mel Gibson is just a guy, Marge. No different than me or Lenny. |
Were you or Lenny ever named sexiest man alive? | Hmmm, I'm not certain about Lenny. |
Besides, it's not just his chisled good looks. People magazine says he's a devoted father, goes to church every week, and likes to fix things around the... Homer, let's make love! | Okay... |
Besides, it's not just his chisled good looks. People magazine says he's a devoted father, goes to church every week, and likes to fix things around the... Homer, let's make love! | Uh, you're thinking about me, right? |
Of course, Homey. Aren't you thinking about me? | I will now. |
"And he fought for them once, for the only reason any man ever does. Because of one plain simple rule: Love thy neighbor..." | Bo-ring. |
It's not boring. He's passionate about government. | At least the Jimmy Stewart version had that giant rabbit who ran the savings and loan. |
Excellent. / That man knows how to filibuster. | Well, that was a stinker. |
I liked it. It was nice to see a movie where people solved their problems with words, instead of bullets and chasing. | Oh, you're just saying that because your "boyfriend" was in it. I'll bet you would've hated it if me and Lenny were Mr. Smith. |
Eh, yes sir? | Got a pencil? |
There you go. | Thanks. |
There you go. | stupid... |
There you go. | 'Preciate it. |
I'm looking for Homer Simpson. | And I've been lookin' for you, too, pal! |
Quiet! Dad's gonna get his butt kicked by Mel Gibson! Knock his teeth out, Homer! | Listen, Gibson, I'm tired of Hollywood pretty boys like you and Jack Valenti thinking you can have any woman you want. You see this? |
Quiet! Dad's gonna get his butt kicked by Mel Gibson! Knock his teeth out, Homer! | It symbolizes that she's my property and I own her. |
Mr. Simpson, I need your help. | Huh? |
I think you're right about my movie and I want you to help me make it better. | Really? You want my help? Marge, did you hear that? Mel Gibson wants my help! Mel Gibson! |
But, Dad, I thought you hated... | Shuut-uup... |
Don't sell your husband short, Mrs. Simpson. | She's always doing that, Mel. |
Homer is a brutally honest man, completely tactless and insensitive. | Guilty as charged. |
I don't have much time, Homer. Will you come to Hollywood with me? | You had me at "Hello." |
Dodge Caravan. | Sweet. |
Can I stay with you, Dad? | Sorry, son, but we're going to be very busy. Mel's movie really stinks. |
Int. Mel's office - continuous) | Okay, this opening scene should be in fast motion. Everybody likes that 'cause it looks funny. |
Well even if he is, big deal. | I mean Lisa. |
I don't think so. | Okay, here you need a musical montage where you try on lots of funny hats. It'll let us see your playful side. |
No. | Yeah, but... |
You want me to replace the villain with a dog? I mean nobody'll know what's going on! | They will if you set up that the dog is evil. All you have to do is show him doing this and people will suspect the dog. |
Maybe this wasn't a good idea, Homer. I'm sorry I dragged you out here. L-Let me pay your bus fare home. | Ah-ah-ah! Now here's your biggest problem of all... |
The filibuster scene? That was Jimmy Stewart's favorite! | And it was fine for the 1930's. The country was doing great back then. Everyone was into talking. But now, in whatever year this is, the audience wants action! And seats with beverage holders, but mainly action. |
You really think the end is boring? | Oh! Mel, it's the most boring piece of garbage I've ever seen. And it's not easy for me to say that. |
You really think the end is boring? | It was symbolism. He was mad. |
Okay, this new ending... | ... we-shot-last-night... |
... is a little different than what we had, but I think you'll like it. It's missing some sound effects and the computer guys haven't added the twinkle in my eye... | Mel, you're coming off desperate. Roll it, Louie! |
... is a little different than what we had, but I think you'll like it. It's missing some sound effects and the computer guys haven't added the twinkle in my eye... | Here comes two! |
I move we impose some serious term limits! | I second that motion... |
I move we impose some serious term limits! | ...with a vengeance! |
I make movies for guys like him. | Yeah, guys like me. |
Who are you, anyway? | Do the words "Executive Producer" mean anything to you? |
Executive Producer? | We'll talk. |
You put me down, you big lummox! Je-eedd!! | Watch out! Comin' through! Mach schnell! |
Homer! Land mine! | I'm on it. |
Well, I've been told I can play anywhere from 28 to... | Sorry I asked. |
Well, I've been told I can play anywhere from 28 to... | Oh, crap! Here they come! |
Well, that's it Homer. We should've known better than to match wits with studio executives. | Hey, come on, turn that down-under frown upside down. We're not finished yet. |
Homer, what are you doing here? | No time talk! Need steal car! Must save powerful but controversial movie! |
Homer, what are you doing here? | Hel-lo. |
Homer, what are you doing here? | Quick, Mel, get in! |
Oh, forget it, Homer, let's just give 'em the stupid movie. | Movies aren't stupid! They fill us with romance and hatred and revenge fantasies. "Lethal Weapon" showed us that suicide is funny. |
That really wasn't my intention. | Before "Lethal Weapon 2", I never thought there could be a bomb in my toilet, but now I check every time. |
Movies mean that much to you, Homer? | They are my only escape from the drudgery of work and family. |
Movies mean that much to you, Homer? | No offense. |
What are you doing? | I'm tired of running away. Did "Braveheart" run away? Did "Payback" run away? It's time we showed those suits what we're made of. |
Will you please tell me the rest of the plan?! | It's your plan, from "Braveheart." Your army mooned the enemy until they could take no more and surrendered. |
No, they didn't. They attacked us in a horribly bloody battle. Remember? | Actually, I didn't see it, but on the poster it... |
Homer, are you okay?! | I think so. |
Homer, are you okay?! | No. |
That digital sound really lets you hear the blood splatter. | I don't get it, Mel. How can you be so calm and cool? My stomach's full of vomiting butterflies. |
That digital sound really lets you hear the blood splatter. | Okay, that's it. Let's get ready to meet our public. |
I'm Jimmy Stewart's granddaughter and you'll be hearing from my attorney! | / Ow! |
I'm Jimmy Stewart's granddaughter and you'll be hearing from my attorney! | We shoulda put in the dog with the shifty eyes. |
I'm Jimmy Stewart's granddaughter and you'll be hearing from my attorney! | Oh, I'm sorry I ruined your career, Mel. |
It's not your fault, Homer. I guess there's just no room in today's crazy, gentle America for violent dinosaurs like us. | How did the country lose its way, Mel? When did we stop rooting for the man with the flame-thrower, or an acid-spraying gun of some kind? |
I blame the Internet. And the return of swing music. | Well, whatever it is, we've got to get rolling on our next picture. |
I blame the Internet. And the return of swing music. | Hey, what about a prequel to something? Everybody loves prequels. |
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