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Twenty thousand grains of the water would contain less of the above
element than fifty thousand grains, which ought to be mentioned as
another one of the remarkable peculiarities of this most remarkable
fluid."
I sent the foregoing scientific deductions to the "Resident Physician,"
and the bearer told me afterwards th... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
For instance: The pitchers haden't very good eye-site, and were just as
liable to pitch a ball to "2nd base," as to "Home base."
To make a sure thing of it, a big long tin tube was made, on the
principle of the Noomatic tunnel under Broadway, New York. A large
thing, like a molasses funnel, was made, onto the end faci... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
The wheel-barrer man drew his lode ashore.
"Out!" hollers the Umpire.
And another victim went to the wash-bord.
Bets were offered 2 to one, that "The Roomatixs" would _pass_ more
balls--on their hands and knees--than the "Bloostockin's." These bets
were freely taken--by obligin' stake-holders.
A friend of the "Bloosto... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
Ime sorry to say, the game wasen't finished.
Refreshments were served at the end of this innin's, consistin' of
Slippery Elm tea and water gruel.
The old men eat harty.
This made them sleepy, and the consequence was, that the minnit they was
led out on the grass, "Sleep, barmy sleep," got the best of 'em, and
they lai... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
When REAL was hanged, it was noticeable that a great number of women
appeared in the morbid crowd that surrounded the Tombs, many of them
with small children in their arms.
Fifth Avenue and Five Points! Six of one and half-a-dozen of the other!
Blood _will_ tell!
* * * * *
[Illustration:... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
All this he pictured as he stood on the bank, and, while thinking, the
desire to plunge in grew smaller by degrees and beautifully less, till
at last it vanished entirely, and he concluded he had better go home,
finish his book first and drown himself afterwards, if necessary. It
would make much more stir in the world... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
* * * * *
Masculine or Feminine?
It now seems that the new and terrible fagot-gun used in the French army
is to be spoken of in the feminine gender--_mitrailleuse_ instead of
_mitrailleur_, as hitherto spelt by correspondents. That a virago is
sometimes termed a "spit-fire" we all know, ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
His brother WILLIAM:, he come o'er,
To which this good Boy cried,
"Oh, BILL, don't sing nor dance no more!"
And following which he died.
Now WILLIAM, he had learnt a song
That pleased him very much:
He didn't know that it was wrong
To carol any such.
He said he could... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
_Q._ At what age did your grandfather die? _A._ If he died last night,
(I saw him yesterday at a horse race,) he was turning ninety-eight,
perhaps he got tipped over in the turn.
_Q._ Do you hold any official position: if so, what? _A._ Inspector of
fish,--every Friday.
_Q._ Are you insured? A. I am agent for half a d... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
SARSFIELD YOUNG.
* * * * *
Facilis Descensus
The daily papers frequently have articles respecting the "Hell Gate
Obstructions." We do not, however, remember having seen that subject
handled in the _Sun._ Perhaps it is that DANA and DYER, conscious of
their deserts, do not anticipate any ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
_"What will he do with it?"_ BULWER.
"It is stated by the police authorities, that the description of Mr.
NATHAN'S watch has been spread so widely, that the robber will be unable
to dispose of it to any jeweler or pawnbroker."
_"Our Mutual Friend"_--DICKENS.
"England is supplying both France and Prussia with horses."
... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
There is a wild man at large in the woods of Sullivan County, N.Y. He
was once a fast man of New York City, and is so fast, still, that nobody
can catch him.
A gentleman residing in the vicinity of Glen Cove had a Newfoundland dog
that was very expert at catching lobsters. The faithful animal has been
missing for some... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
[Illustration: CROCODILE TEARS.]
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| "The Printing House of the United States." |
| |
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 23, September 3, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 16 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10017 | |||
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| "The Printing House of the United States." |
| |
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
[Illustration: Vol. 1 No. 5]
PUNCHINELLO
SATURDAY, APRIL 30, 1870.
PUBLISHED BY THE
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW-YORK.
* * * * *
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
[Illustration: THE WARNING OF THE BELLE
LOOK OUT FOR THE TRAIN]
* * * * *
PATRIOTIC ADORATION.
A TALE OF PHILADELPHIA.
People of the Quaker City,
How the world must stand aghast
At your wondrous veneration
For those relics of the past,
Kept in such precise condit... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
The first thing he notices to-day is, that the _Evening Snail_ of last
night is not so good as it was a fortnight ago; or, let us think a
bit--it may have been a good number at the beginning of last month that
he was thinking of; at all events, this last issue is inferior. The
matter on the first page is not printed i... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
_First_. That it is a great deal more wicked to shoot deer by torchlight
than by daylight.
_Secondly_. That the Rev. MURRAY and the Rev. ALGER are of different
religious persuasions.
_Thirdly and lastly_. That the Rev. Mr. ALGER doesn't love venison.
P. S. Persons desiring to present Mr. PUNCHINELLO with a fine haunc... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
--"a Hollander's draught should potent be,
And deep as the rolling Zuyder Zee."
Mind this, all ye Hollanders who would give your support to our HOLLAND.
Let your drafts be potent, your cheeks heavy, your attendance punctual.
Make the affair complete; so that when, here-after, a comparison is
sought for somethi... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
F. That? It's New-York; and the street is the famous Broadway.
D. O dear! how I _would_ like to go shopping there, this minute!--for I
see it is afternoon in that quarter. Is there no way of getting
there?(!!!)
F. (_Laughing heartily_.) Well, well, HELENE! That's pretty good, for
the daughter of an astronomer! Do you ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
HELENE."
F. What did you say, Helene?
D. I was saying that I wished to look a little longer at the fashions in
Broadway.
F. Well, well--I believe the Fashions are all that these women think of!
There--look away! I presume they have changed considerably since you
looked before! When do you wish to begin your lessons in... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
_Vague Baronet._ "I will ask my wife what I think about it."
_Enter Managing Wife._ "Ruined, are we? Allow me to remark,
Fiddlesticks! Get the Merchant to take our third-story hall-bedroom for
a week, and I'll soon clear off the mortgage."
_Enter Slangy Daughter._ "O ma! there was such a precious guy at the
ball last ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
_Act 2. Enter Unpleasant Neighbor and Unintelligible German. The former
says,_ "You're sure there's an iron mine on the Baronet's land?"
_Unintelligible German._ "Ya! Das ist um-um-um."
_Enter Merchant Prince and Slangy Daughter. Exeunt the other fellows._
_Merchant Prince._ "There is nothing like the grandeur of tra... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
_Enter Merchant Prince._ "Here's an analysis of the iron ore. I told
them all about it. We tradesmen are great, but we will sometimes help
even a wretched aristocrat."
_Slangy Daughter._ "Here's an analysis of the iron ore. Now I will marry
my noble Merchant, and make him rich again; for there's dead loads of
iron on ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Not so strong are our artists in domestic incidents and compositions of
life and character. We have STUNNINGTON, to be sure, whose traits of
American expression, whether white or colored, are most true to the
life; and there's BARLEYMOW, who will twist you an eclogue from the tail
of his foreground pig. Others there b... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
SUBJECTS FOR WORKS OF HIGH ART.
PROVIDENCE tempering the wind to the shorn lamb.
ABSENCE OF MIND marking a box of paper shirt-collars with indelible ink.
MILTON "going it blind."
The late Mr. WILLIAM COBBETT teaching his sons to shave with cold water.
ST. PATRICK emptying the snakes out of his boots.
TRUE LOVE never r... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
* * * * *
The Difference.
Rice riots are reported as raging in all the ports of Japan. Rye was the
principal mover in the famous conscription riots of New-York.
* * * * *
A Celestial Idea.
No wonder the Chinese theatre in San Francisco is a success, conside... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
My neighbor, Mr. DROWSE, desires to know where you get all your funny
things for PUNCHINELLO? He knows they are there, does Mr. DROWSE; for he
gets my copy of the penny postman, and he keeps it, too. It is the only
good taste my neighbor has displayed of late years. I tell Mr. DROWSE
that you make your fun. He further... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Where in history is there record of such an Impossibility? Fickle--that
implies a change of mind. What woman ever changed her mind any more than
her hands? Nonsense, avaunt!--banished be slander! April is _not_
fickle--woman is _not_ fickle. As one is evenly beautiful, divinely
serene, bewitchingly winning, so is the ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
TIMOTHY TODD.
* * * * *
HINTS TO CAR CONDUCTORS.
When standing in Printing House Square, your destination being Grand
Street Perry or Bleecker Street, if a stranger asks whether you are
going to Harlem, nod, as it is considered improper to answer in the
negative. If he finds out the mist... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Commissioner Tweed proposes a new outside Bureau of the Department of
Public Works, for late-Commissioner MCLEAN. He is to be Superintendent
of Refrigerators.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE LANDING OF THE PILGRIMS.
ENGRAVED BY SPECIAL PERMISSION FOR PUNCHINELLO, FROM THE ORIGINAL
PAINTING,... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
But, no!
It is not this! Your spirit, high and bold,
Scorning all tamer joys, will have it so!
No cold
Can chill its ardor! Such a soul would sate
Its deathless craving in some lofty flight,
Some deed sublime, and read its shining fate
By the Aurora... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Mr. WILSON didn't see the use of all this legislation to protect
animals. Animals had no votes, although he admitted a partial exception,
in that every bull, it had its ballot. But he had something practical.
Here was a jolly job, the Pacific Railway grant. There was a good deal
more in it than they had made out of an... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Somebody at this point brought up a contested election case; but Mr.
LOGAN objected to its being considered. What, he asked, was the use of
wasting time? There was money in the tariff. There was no money at all
in voting a Democrat out, and a Republican in. They could do that any
day in five minutes. His friend Mr. BU... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Well, Mr. PRINCE! You must be busy, now.
Whitewashing is the best thing done, I vow!
Why, hel-lo! REGIS! From the Cape so soon?
When do you open, this year--first of June?
Come, gentlemen--some wine? Now, don't refuse!
What! temperate? teetotal? Well, that's news!
And good new... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
BUSINESS.
A CHICAGO LAY.
I saw her sweet lip quiver,
As he started for the store.
Because he hadn't kissed her
"Several" times or more.
She cried "This horrid business!"
And then flew to her glass;
"Oh! why his cold remissness?
Have I grown plain, alas?"
Bu... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
Of course, upon this the History of the Universe would have to be
rewritten, or that odd fortnight would play the mischief somewhere!
* * * * *
A Boston Boy.
HUB-BUB.
* * * * *
"Curses Come Home to Roost."
They are putting the Fifth Avenue pavement in front... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
* * * * *
SPIRITUAL SUSCEPTIBILITY OF CATS.
DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Our Society has been very learnedly debating as to
whether Cats are susceptible of spiritual impressions; and, although the
burden of opinion inclines to the negative of the question, I am firmly
persuaded there is much to jus... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
GOBBO.
* * * * *
From the Tombs.
When a drunken man has been locked up for beating his wife, it is
reasonable to suppose that he must feel rather the worse for lick her.
* * * * *
[Illustration: PERSONAL GOSSIP.
(From the Daily Press.)
"A SON OF ONE OF OUR ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
An Augean Job.
PUNCHINELLO has telegraphed to Governor GEARY his approval of the
"Sewage Utilization" bill at Harrisburg, on one condition: that the
first piece of work be finished up by the members of the Pennsylvania
Legislature with their own hands; that work to be, to make up into
_decent_ manure, _deodorized_ and... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
* * * * *
JOHN CHINAMAN'S BILLING AND COOING.--Pigeon English.
* * * * *
CABLE NEWS.
(EXCLUSIVELY FOR PUNCHINELLO.)
QUEEN ISABELLA has sent her compliments to Señor CASTELAR, as well as to
General PRIM, informing them that, on the whole, she thinks she will... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
PRIME.
* * * * *
Cutting.
We see extensively advertised the "Saxon Razor;" but have not yet
summoned up sufficient courage to try this article, which "no
gentleman's dressing-case should be without." We cannot dispossess our
minds of the apprehension of cutting ourselves, remembering tha... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| A. T. STEWART & CO. |
| |
| ARE OFFERING ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
[Illustration: A SUCCESSFUL CATCH.
_John Bull._ "WELL, GENERAL, HOW DID YOU CATCH YOUR FISH?"
_General Prim._ "WITH A SPANISH FLY."]
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| WALTHAM WATCHES. 3-4 PLATE. _16 and 20 ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
PUNCHINELLO:
TERMS TO CLUBS.
WE OFFER AS PREMIUMS FOR CLUBS
FIRST:
DANA BICKFORD'S PATENT FAMILY SPINNER,
The most complete and desirable machine ever yet introduced for spinning
purposes.
SECOND:
BICKFORD'S CROCHET AND FANCY WORK MACHINES.
These beautiful little machines are very fascinating, as well as useful;
and ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 05, April 30, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 12 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10018 | |||
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| CONANT'S |
| |
| PATENT BINDERS |
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Vol. 1. No. 22.
PUNCHINELLO
SATURDAY, AUGUST 27, 1870.
PUBLISHED BY THE
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD,
By ORPHEUS C. KERR,
Continued in this Number.
[Sidenote: See 15th Page for Extra Premiums.]
+---------------------------------------------------------... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Clerk's Office of the District
Court of the United States, for the Southern District of New York.
* * * * *
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.
AN ADAPTATION.
BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.
CHAPTER XV.
... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
It was in at a country hotel, then, that the young Southern pedestrian
turned for temporary rest and a meal, and pitiless was the
cross-examination instituted by the inevitable lank, middle-aged gristly
man, before he could reconcile it with his duty as a cautious public
character to reveal the treasures of the larder... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"Didn't I tell you he'd do it?" cried the hindermost of the two
strangers, coming up; while the other coolly seated himself upon the
prostrated victim. "These here Indian clubs always throw a man if he
ain't got muscle in his arms; and this here little Chivalry has got arms
like a couple of canes."
"Arise from me inst... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"He went back into the house again, sir, after I had walked him up and
down the road a few times."
"Well, then, where's that umbrella?" roared the organist, who seemed
quite beside himself with grief and excitement.
"Mr. BUMSTEAD, pray be more calm," implored the Reverend OCTAVIUS.
"Mr. MONTGOMERY, this agitated gentl... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"Has either 'f you gen'l'men ever been 'n Uncle?" asked the Ritualistic
organist, with dark intensity.
They shook their heads.
"_Then,_" said Mr. BUMSTEAD, with great force,--"THEN, gen'l'men,
you-knownor-wahritis-to-lose-'n-umbrella!"
Before they could decide in their weaker minds what the immediate
connection was, h... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"I'm vahr' sorry," said Mr. BUMSTEAD, just audibly.
"Miss PENDRAGON scorns the thought of any blame for her brother,"
continued Mr. DIBBLE, eyeing the fire.
"It had a bun-bone handle," muttered the other, dreamily. Then, with a
momentary brightening--"'scuse me, shir: whah'll y'take?"
"Nothing, sir!" was the sharp res... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"When the sun's perpendicular rays
Begin to illumine the Sea,
The fishies exclaim in amaze
'Confound it! how hot it will be!'"
What a pity that the Bathing here has a drawback. I refer, of course, to
the Under Tow, which has caused some Untoward accidents. Those who have
experienced it, say it is i... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
You know how brilliant the Hops are, so I will Skip them. One thing,
however, is worth noting. At some of the Hotels they have a Spread on
the carpet before the dancing begins, as well as a supper afterwards.
The excellent music of the Hotel bands is Instrumental in drawing crowds
of listeners to the Ball rooms. Some ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
And Infantdom has--But our poet beautifully illustrates this in the
stanzas we have quoted.
"Little JACK HORNER,"
says he, with the easy grace of one perfectly familiar with the subject
he is to treat; neither frightened at its immensity, nor putting himself
in the way of a dilemma by stopping to examine details. ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"He pulled out a plum,
And said, 'What a brave boy am I.'"
--Now he is happy. He has realized his fondest hopes. The blue-bottle
has no tickle for him now. He was Frawnce and he has licked Proossia.
There is nothing left but the plate, and his teeth are not hard enough
for that.
* * * ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Alas! for the ambition of monarchs, who put forward their beardless
progeny to do the deeds of men, and to suffer with men's fortitude, when
they are more fit to be puling in a nurse's arms, or unravelling silk
skeins for some maid of honor.
* * * * *
THE WATERING PLACES.
Punchinello's V... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Mr. P. immediately perceived the advantages of this condition of things
to a a gentleman suffering from the heat, and procuring a boat, he rowed
close to the foot of a cascade formed by the inclination in the bed of
the river, and throwing out his anchor, revelled in the luxury of the
cool spray and the refreshing sou... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
He thought that a day might be very profitably spent here, especially if
he could fall in with any of the French-Canadians, of whose
peculiarities he had heard so much. The study of human nature was always
Mr. P.'s particular forte.
On the morning of his arrival, Mr. P. met, in the dining-room of the
hotel, a gentlema... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Dr. LIVINGSTONE is no longer a white man. The large colored princess
whom he has been compelled to marry has beaten him black and blue.
Louis NAPOLEON'S first bulletin about the war was the bullet in the
pocket of NAP Junior.
An intelligent cordwainer of this city has invented a bathing shoe to
fit the under-toe at Lo... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Was there no nobler game worth the killing by Tammany? Was there not a
"stag of Ten" to be found, to be struck, if party necessities required
it? Would OAKEY HALL and PETER B. SWEENY put such a slight upon these
bastard allies of the O'BRIENS and MORRISSEYS whose columns are open to
the highest bidder, and whose lips ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
* * * * *
Extraordinary Ledger-demain.
The Soldiers' Monument at Cambridge is the result of the combined
efforts of CYRUS and DARIUS COBB, whereas, SYLVANUS, alone and
unassisted, is able to raise, every week, a tall column on the surface
of the _N.Y. Ledger._
* * * ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
* * * * *
Politician's Plant.
See WEED.
* * * * *
[Illustration:
THE LATEST MELODRAMATIC DODGE OF A PLAYED-OUT POLITICIAN.
PROMPTER DANA, OF THE "SUN," GIVES THE CUE TO A _REAL_ SKELETON.]
* * * * *
Conversion of the "Sun."
It... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"Prussia ain't able!" cries an eager one:
"Let her drink all the lager in her shops,
She'll find the little job is not yet done,
For all there's such enormous strength in hops!"
"And if there's any danger comes to France,"
Remarks the seventh man, "_Ireland_ will arise!"
"And if she d... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
PHREDRICK DOUGLIS, a firey broonet from Rochester, looked bewitchin' in
a _more anteek_ silk dress.
A camels hair overskirt hung grasefully over his loins. Peepin' out from
beneath his robes, was a delicate little foot, encased in a flesh
cullered pair of No. 11 buckskin mocasins.
His hair was done up in a 2 bushel wa... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Whereas: A effort is afoot to jine 'em together under the same tent.
Now be it resolved: We don't perceeve it in them sunbeams. The New York
State Suffrage Circus is able to paddle her own stone bote. Bosting to
the contrary not-with-out-standin'-up.
Resolved finally: We is the original JACOBS, and if Bosting don't li... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"Feller Fossils: This is indeed the most momentous event I've attended
since I left Onondagar.
"When COTTON MATHER came over in the Grate Eastern, he sent out a dove to
see if the Pilgrims, would allow her to pick any flowers off of Plymouth
Rock.
"What was the result of that experiment?
"Why, the dove coulden't find ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"By the prickin' of my thumb
Somethin' wicked this way comes."
The above, Friend PUNCHINELLO, was as seen by,
Ewers faithfully,
HIRAM GREEN,
_Lait Gustise of the Peece_.
* * * * *
Birds of Passage.
The African ostrich is sometimes trained to carry passengers on his
back, but the ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
If the spectator is a man of business, it is just possible that he may
content himself with measuring the size of the blocks with his eye, and
then pass on, content to know that he, as one out of many taxpayers, is
getting the value of what they are called on to pay for. But with the
mass of the onlookers, the pouring... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"France can rock _her_ irreconcilables to sleep to the war lullaby of
that man we have so trusted only to betray us; _our_ irreconcilables
only wait for war to side with our enemy. Prussia, grasping bull-dog as
she is, makes capital out of it, and calls us to her side, while our
stupid people burn with a Prussian feve... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Magnetic
Polish soldiers should choose the needle gun. The needle is always
true to the Pole.
* * * * *
[Illustration: A CAPITAL HINT FOR OUR STATIONARY STREET MUSICIANS, IF
THEY WANT TO MAKE MONEY. ]
* * * * *
THE LEAVEN OF LEAVENWORTH.
The great West has ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Not nearly so exciting as performances of the kind referred to, though,
perhaps, quite as rash, are the ocean voyages occasionally essayed by
tiny, toy ships. One of these--the _Red, White and Blue_--is announced
as about to start upon a "voyage round the world." We wish her our best
wishes, and hope she may get round... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"So with regard to Carrots. I have never achieved success in growing
these nor Beets."
We infer that the meaning is, With regard to carrots, sow them. "These
nor Beets" are probably a new variety. They may have come from Norfolk,
but more "presumably" they were found in Alaska.
_Metaphysician, Cloudland._--Your articl... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
Her mother pointed to the paternal turnip, which hung over the mantel,
and showed her that old Time was "doing stunts" at 10-1/2.
But G.F.F.F.S. was obstinate. She put on her chignon, her curls, her
breast elevator, her bustle, her high-heeled shoes, a little rouge, a
little whiting and a bit of court-plaster, and sal... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
"_Perdidi animi deliquium_," said she.
"Mother of MOSES, but you was heavy!" said MCFLYNN.
But she did not wait, and a pair of number eight shoes might have been
seen by an inquisitive reporter, cutting around the corners and stamping
up seven flights of stairs.
MORAL.
When the paternal turnip solemnly points to 10-1/... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
[Illustration: IMITATION THE SINCEREST FLATTERY.
_Regular Customer._ "ALONZO, BRING ME SOME BEANS AND TOMAYTESES."
_Waiter._ "YES'M. "WILL YOU HAVE 'EM ON ONE PLATE OR ON TWO PLATESES?"]
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 22, August 27, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 11 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10019 | |||
The Divine Comedy
of Dante Alighieri
Translated by
HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
INFERNO
Contents
Canto I. The Dark Forest. The Hill of Difficulty. The Panther, the Lion, and the Wolf. Virgil.
Canto II. The Descent. Dante’s Protest and Virgil’s Appeal. The Intercession of the Three Ladies Benedight.
Canto III. The Gate ... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Inferno: Canto I
Midway upon the journey of our life
I found myself within a forest dark,
For the straightforward pathway had been lost.
Ah me! how hard a thing it is to say
What was this forest savage, rough, and stern,
Which in the very thought renews the fear.
So bitter is it, death is little more... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
And a she-wolf, that with all hungerings
Seemed to be laden in her meagreness,
And many folk has caused to live forlorn!
She brought upon me so much heaviness,
With the affright that from her aspect came,
That I the hope relinquished of the height.
And as he is who willingly acquires,
And the time ... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Because this beast, at which thou criest out,
Suffers not any one to pass her way,
But so doth harass him, that she destroys him;
And has a nature so malign and ruthless,
That never doth she glut her greedy will,
And after food is hungrier than before.
Many the animals with whom she weds,
And more ... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Made myself ready to sustain the war,
Both of the way and likewise of the woe,
Which memory that errs not shall retrace.
O Muses, O high genius, now assist me!
O memory, that didst write down what I saw,
Here thy nobility shall be manifest!
And I began: “Poet, who guidest me,
Regard my manhood, if ... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Among those was I who are in suspense,
And a fair, saintly Lady called to me
In such wise, I besought her to command me.
Her eyes where shining brighter than the Star;
And she began to say, gentle and low,
With voice angelical, in her own language:
‘O spirit courteous of Mantua,
Of whom the fame st... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Lucia, foe of all that cruel is,
Hastened away, and came unto the place
Where I was sitting with the ancient Rachel.
“Beatrice” said she, “the true praise of God,
Why succourest thou not him, who loved thee so,
For thee he issued from the vulgar herd?
Dost thou not hear the pity of his plaint?
Dost... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Justice incited my sublime Creator;
Created me divine Omnipotence,
The highest Wisdom and the primal Love.
Before me there were no created things,
Only eterne, and I eternal last.
All hope abandon, ye who enter in!”
These words in sombre colour I beheld
Written upon the summit of a gate;
Whence... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
And I, who looked again, beheld a banner,
Which, whirling round, ran on so rapidly,
That of all pause it seemed to me indignant;
And after it there came so long a train
Of people, that I ne’er would have believed
That ever Death so many had undone.
When some among them I had recognised,
I looked, a... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
But all those souls who weary were and naked
Their colour changed and gnashed their teeth together,
As soon as they had heard those cruel words.
God they blasphemed and their progenitors,
The human race, the place, the time, the seed
Of their engendering and of their birth!
Thereafter all together they... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Obscure, profound it was, and nebulous,
So that by fixing on its depths my sight
Nothing whatever I discerned therein.
“Let us descend now into the blind world,”
Began the Poet, pallid utterly;
“I will be first, and thou shalt second be.”
And I, who of his colour was aware,
Said: “How shall I come,... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Abraham, patriarch, and David, king,
Israel with his father and his children,
And Rachel, for whose sake he did so much,
And others many, and he made them blessed;
And thou must know, that earlier than these
Never were any human spirits saved.”
We ceased not to advance because he spake,
But still w... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
We came unto a noble castle’s foot,
Seven times encompassed with lofty walls,
Defended round by a fair rivulet;
This we passed over even as firm ground;
Through portals seven I entered with these Sages;
We came into a meadow of fresh verdure.
People were there with solemn eyes and slow,
Of great au... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
There standeth Minos horribly, and snarls;
Examines the transgressions at the entrance;
Judges, and sends according as he girds him.
I say, that when the spirit evil-born
Cometh before him, wholly it confesses;
And this discriminator of transgressions
Seeth what place in Hell is meet for it;
Girds ... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
“The first of those, of whom intelligence
Thou fain wouldst have,” then said he unto me,
“The empress was of many languages.
To sensual vices she was so abandoned,
That lustful she made licit in her law,
To remove the blame to which she had been led.
She is Semiramis, of whom we read
That she succe... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Love, that on gentle heart doth swiftly seize,
Seized this man for the person beautiful
That was ta’en from me, and still the mode offends me.
Love, that exempts no one beloved from loving,
Seized me with pleasure of this man so strongly,
That, as thou seest, it doth not yet desert me;
Love has conduct... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
New torments I behold, and new tormented
Around me, whichsoever way I move,
And whichsoever way I turn, and gaze.
In the third circle am I of the rain
Eternal, maledict, and cold, and heavy;
Its law and quality are never new.
Huge hail, and water sombre-hued, and snow,
Athwart the tenebrous air pou... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
You citizens were wont to call me Ciacco;
For the pernicious sin of gluttony
I, as thou seest, am battered by this rain.
And I, sad soul, am not the only one,
For all these suffer the like penalty
For the like sin;” and word no more spake he.
I answered him: “Ciacco, thy wretchedness
Weighs on me s... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Each one shall find again his dismal tomb,
Shall reassume his flesh and his own figure,
Shall hear what through eternity re-echoes.”
So we passed onward o’er the filthy mixture
Of shadows and of rain with footsteps slow,
Touching a little on the future life.
Wherefore I said: “Master, these torments he... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
They clashed together, and then at that point
Each one turned backward, rolling retrograde,
Crying, “Why keepest?” and, “Why squanderest thou?”
Thus they returned along the lurid circle
On either hand unto the opposite point,
Shouting their shameful metre evermore.
Then each, when he arrived there, whe... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
He whose omniscience everything transcends
The heavens created, and gave who should guide them,
That every part to every part may shine,
Distributing the light in equal measure;
He in like manner to the mundane splendours
Ordained a general ministress and guide,
That she might change at times the empty... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
Fixed in the mire they say, ‘We sullen were
In the sweet air, which by the sun is gladdened,
Bearing within ourselves the sluggish reek;
Now we are sullen in this sable mire.’
This hymn do they keep gurgling in their throats,
For with unbroken words they cannot say it.”
Thus we went circling round the ... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 | |
And I to him: “With weeping and with wailing,
Thou spirit maledict, do thou remain;
For thee I know, though thou art all defiled.”
Then stretched he both his hands unto the boat;
Whereat my wary Master thrust him back,
Saying, “Away there with the other dogs!”
Thereafter with his arms he clasped my nec... | Divine Comedy, Longfellow's Translation, Hell | Dante Alighieri | 1265 | 1321 | ['en'] | 2687 | {'Epic poetry, Italian -- Translations into English', 'Italian poetry -- To 1400 -- Translations into English', 'Hell -- Poetry'} | PG1001 |
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