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Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city,
and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with
his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack,
which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe-ing, and
Gliding. Any one of these celebrated ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
"I am your ridiculously unhappy ward," answered the Flowerpot,
tremulously. "Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY!"
"And you have come here all alone?"
"Yes; and to escape being married to EDDY'S perfectly hateful uncle, who
has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh,
why is it, why is it, that I must... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
"But I am not always alone," answered Mr. DIBBLE. "My clerk, Mr.
BLADAMS, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here though,
to be sure, I may lose him before long. He's turned literary."
"How perfectly frightful!" said Miss POTTS.
"He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great
Ame... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CUBANS.--"The labor we delight in physics (S)pain."
* * * * *
THE PLAYS AND SHOWS.
Punctually as announced, the FIFTH AVENUE THEATRE has re-opened. It has
been improved by the addition of several private boxes that remind one
of the square pews in old-fashioned churche... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
ANNIE. "You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the
moor."
GEOFFREY. "I won't cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed
the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I
hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or you'll sell all my letters
to the _Sun_."--(_They go out t... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
ACT III.--GEOFFREY _boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and
wooden dumb-bells_.
GEOFFREY. "There! Thank heaven I didn't break anything. The scenery, the
footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out,
however, if this prize-ring business isn't cut out. Here comes ARNOLD."
ARNOLD. "How'... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
And the undersigned goes home to breakfast--it being now nearly 6
A.M.--reflecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the
scenery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the
play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,)
the pluck of the young manager, and the unrede... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
* * * * *
THE PLYMOUTH ROCK.
The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of
society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to
believe that Mr. PUNCHINELLO does not like a little fresh air. And
surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the
rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and
twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared
his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles
away, and taking the railroad for New ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
* * * * *
A LETTER FROM L. N.
DEAR PUNCHINELLO: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it
should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this
letter, you will please understand that I wasn't there, at that moment,
having had a little business to transact... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince
of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable.
And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was
always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I
have faced much more terrible things. In y... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
"MOLTY," said I, "what's your little game?"
"Penny ante," replied he.
"_Trés bien,_" added I.
"You are a French spy. Ha! ha!" said he, grasping my collar. "Ho! Ho!"
"_Das ish goot,_" added I.
"Then you're Dutch," sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs.
In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STE... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
"NAP," said BILL, "is the game up?"
"BILL," said NAP, "you've scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the
Regent. I hope she'll like the breeches."
Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny
ante. NAP wouldn't join us. He said he'd just been playing a game with
crowns ante and he was b... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
I've allers heard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say
you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, "Be be Jost or Gobler damed,"
to cote from our friend BILLY SHAKESPEER.
We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, mor'en
once.
If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wal... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so
_bully_ at pickin' up _bullocks,_ is to congratulate you.
Speakin' after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin'
served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on
my giving a good sound opinion, from which there ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his stomack.
Like ALADIN'S lamp, you can
By merely givin' a rub,
Bring around most any man,
By fillin' him up with grub.
But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and
go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole,
At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole,
And he said, " I feel better than ever I fole."
So they to each other kept clinging, and clung,
While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung;
And this was the thing he was bringing, and br... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the
astounding temerity of the Piper's son, in laying felonious hands on the
property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second
only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days.
Poor TOM was a deal to be pitied as well ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
TOM, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling
with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his
maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize.
Visions of a luscious supper float through the mind of the female
piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedic... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
"TOM was beat."
Undoubtedly TOM was glad when they got through, and although he
"Went roaring down the street,"
it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It
was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach
pumps in those days.
* * * * ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than
nine or ten-pin feathers left.
Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called "Sabbath Day Point,"
in consequence of ABERCROMBIE having landed there on a Wednesday
morning.
Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point.... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow-shoes,
soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they concluded to
"let him slide."
Hence the name.
Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over.
Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left produced
a pr... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
"Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the _re_-markable and
_pe_-culiar works of a benign _Per_-rovidence. On the right you see the
sturdy and iron-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and
_be_-utiful ellum. What Having has joined together let no man put
asunder--gerlang with yer hosses!"
I... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.
Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the
mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would
be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of
sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go
to the makin... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were
discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistake--or a joke--we
are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly interested do
not look upon it as a joke.
Now it is a very clear case that the mistake in question--or joke--may
be traced... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
Boy and Man.
"Miss ANNIE P. LADD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor
and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace."
To be a man and magistrate
'Twas natural that ANNIE sighed,
Since she one phase of man's estate
Already as a LADD had tried.
* * * ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
[Illustration: FEEDING SPARROWS.
A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF "HUMANITARIANS"]
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| "The Printing House of the United States." |
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 27, October 1, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 9 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10035 | |||
Steve Schulze and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
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| CONANT'S |
| ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
Vol. II. No. 28.
PUNCHINELLO
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 8, 1870.
PUBLISHED BY THE
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY,
83 NASSAU STREET, NEW YORK.
* * * * *
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD,
By ORPHEUS C. KERR,
Continued in this Number.
See 15th Page for Extra Premiums.
+----------------------------... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
* * * * *
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the
PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of
Congress at Washington.
* * * * *
THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD.
AN ADAPTATION.
BY ORPHEUS C. KERR.
CHAPTER XXI.
BENTHA... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
FLORA had completed her chemical toilet, put all the bottles, jars, and
small round boxes back into her satchel again, and sat down to a second
reading of these gratifying intimations that a prepossessing female
orphan is not necessarily without assiduous paternal guardianship at her
command wherever there are Western... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
Fixing upon the lovely young reasoner a look expressive of his
affectionate wonder at her inspired perception of legal possibilities,
the old lawyer said, that the first thing in order was a meeting between
herself and Miss PENDRAGON; which, as it could scarcely take place (all
things considered,) with propriety in th... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"I am! I am!" sobbed the other, smiting his bosom. "While studying
theology, you'd gone to sleep in bed reading the Decameron. I, in the
next room, suddenly smelt a smell of wood burning. Breaking into your
apartment, I saw your candle fallen upon your pillow and your head on
fire. Believing that, if neglected, the fl... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"As soon as I begin to charge anything for my paper."
"And the newsmen, who take it by the week,--what is their usual time for
swarming in your office?"
"On the day appointed for the return of unsold copies."
"Then I _have_ an idea," said Mr. DIBBLE. "It appears to me, Mr.
BENTHAM, that your office, besides being so n... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
CHAPTER XXII.
A CONFUSED STATE OF THINGS.
The principal office of the Comic Paper was one of those amazingly
unsympathetic rooms in which the walls, windows and doors all have a
stiff, unsalient aspect of the most hard-finished indifference to every
emotion of humanity, and a perfectly rigid insensibility to the
plea... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"No.--Not yet"
"Then," whispered the Ritualistic clergyman, "you might step in there,
Miss POTTS, and have your interview with Miss PENDRAGON, whom Mr.
BENTHAM will, I am sure, cause to be summoned from up-stairs."
The assistant-editor of the Comic Paper stealing softly from the office
to call the other young lady dow... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"I scorn and defy the suspicions of that enemy of the persecuted South,
and high-handed wooer of exclusively Northern women!" exclaimed Miss
PENDRAGON, vehemently. "Is this Mr. BENTHAM married?"
"I suppose not."
"Is he visiting any one?"
"I shouldn't think so, dear."
"Then," added MAGNOLIA, thoughtfully, "if dear Mr. ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
(_To be Continued._)
[Footnote 3: Author of "The Grave."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: ROMANCE AND REALITY.
IN THE LIBRARY.
_Jones, (reading.)_ "THE GLASS OF FASHION AND THE MOULD OF FORM, THE
OBSERVED OF ALL OBSERVERS."
_Jenkins, (with enthusiasm.)_ "PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF MY WIFE!"
IN TH... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
IV.
Then all the smoke got in my nose, and I sneezed and snorted a bit,
and then I just simply remarked and said
That he needn't go and get into a huff,
And if he didn't like to give me that office, couldn't he make me
Minister to England, as I was a big feeder, or if that didn't suit,
... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
But this great object need not interfere with others of less importance,
and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having exhibited to his
friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in
fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting-book.
Now Mr. P. believed,--and events proved... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his
lap-cloth over his knees.
The entries were as follows:
ROBERT BONNER'S b. h. Dexter.
DEREN O. SUE'S b. m. Lady Thorn.
PUNCHINELLO'S y. h. Creeping Peter.
When the word was given, the horses all got off well an... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
* * * * *
Jocular and Ocular.
Can the public be properly said to have looked forward to SEEBACH?
* * * * *
ANNA DICKINSON.
One bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorn woman by the
name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is
not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse-whipping.
The poet, when he wrote "Thou wilt come no more, gentle ANNIE," was
clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written "Thou wilt be sure
to come again next season, gentle A... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal
to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of
bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall
have announced that she is prepared to lecture on "CHARLES DICKENS" she
will have given the last convinci... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the
undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and
descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the
undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England,
Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evide... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY THE OLD RAT DANA,
COME TO GRIEF IN TRYING TO PUT OUT THE HOFFMAN LIGHT.]
* * * * *
A New Pierian Spring.
The Principal of the "Student's Home," at V------, N.Y., advertising
the advantages of his ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"Carpe Diem."
The following telegraphic item is a remarkable instance of the exactness
with which news can be transmitted by the submarine cable:
"LONDON, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, member of Parliament for
Hackney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill
Fields. The monument in practically on... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
DUBLIN, Oct. 16.--The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with
GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The Fenians say they would prefer a
constitutional monarchy.
PARIS, Oct. 15.--General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister
WASHBURNE speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely
forgotten... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
I understood his little dodge and nipped it.
"Snowball," said I, addressin' a dark skinned individual with a white
apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, "what in the deuce makes
all your dishes so small?"
"Dem is for one pusson, sah," said he. "Dat is an indiwidual butter
dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetabl... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"Your gate money," he replied, tryin' to shove me back. "We charge $1.00
for goin' in here."
"You do, do you?" said I, wavin' my umbreller over his head
threatenin' manner. "When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin
maybe I'le send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I
won't; it will depend a good... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PUNCHINELLO, and if
the citizens of New York insist on givin' me a reception at the City
Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels are well
cookt. Ewers on a scare up,
HIRAM GREEN, Esq.,
_Lait Gustice of the Peece._
* * * *... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every
tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them
whenever SLUKER came in sight.
It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours,
while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his
hands ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
Nobody would have taken them if he had.
Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed
himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing
in 'high C,' which was this young man's strong lead.
As the Choir always sang in G, of coarse, there was a row the first
Sunday, and it wa... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of
about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He
had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an
enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at
the ankles on the gang-plank with an air... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
_Heart's Ease_--in which she is now playing at NIBLO'S Garden, is
plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument
alone. The author said to himself, "A California mining-camp would be a
nice place for a banjo solo." Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a
chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too,... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
CHORUS. "But she gives it to her lover."
3RD MINER. "He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Let's kill
him."
4TH MINER. "Sh--we will." (_Enter_ MAY WILDROSE--_which her name it is_
MISS LOTTA.)
MAY. "Here comes my darling LIONEL. Let me get you some brandy, love."
LIONEL. "Certainly, my dear. How full of foretho... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
ACT III.--_Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter_ MAY, _gorgeously
dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and
also_ LIONEL _and the_ COMIC YANKEE.
COMIC YANKEE. "Let us sing."
MAY. "Come on, old hoss." (_They sing and dance for an hour, such being
the pleasant custom of fashionable London societ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
[Illustration: THE RETORT COURTEOUS.
_Newly-arrived Briton._ "ENGLISH SPARROWS?--IMPOSSIBLE. WHY, THEY CHIRP
THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES."
_Park-Keeper._ "WELL, I DON'T KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART,
EVERY DAY TO REMOVE THE 'Hs' DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK."]
* * * ... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet!
That Yankee trunk and all it holds
(Though Prussian hirelings throng each street)
Is safe beneath thy starry folds!
Saying which I dismissed the humiliated _concierge_, took a drink, blew
out the _bougie_, and sank into the arms of "Tired nature's swee... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
"WASH," says I, "it isn't so much that, as it is that the salary doesn't
do justice to you. If that's the case speak right out; PUNCHINELLO can
fix it for you." This took WASH. so suddenly that he couldn't speak, but
his eyes were running over with language. Don't move in the matter,
however, till you hear from me aga... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
[Illustration: _Butcher_, "HA! I SHOULD LIKE TO CATCH THE DOG
THAT PLAYED ME THAT 'ERE TRICK!--I'D BULLETIN HIM!"]
+--------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| "THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES" |
|... | Punchinello, Volume 2, No. 28, October 8, 1870 | Various | ['en'] | 17 | {'American wit and humor -- Periodicals'} | PG10036 | |||
and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team.
[Illustration: LOUIS DASHED THE GLOWING END OF HIS CIGAR IN THE NEGRO'S
FACE.]
A BEAUTIFUL POSSIBILITY
BY
EDITH FERGUSON BLACK
A BEAUTIFUL POSSIBILITY.
CHAPTER I.
In one of the fairest of the West Indian islands a simple but elegant
villa lifted its gabled roofs amidst ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
He finished writing at last with a sigh of relief, and folding the
letter, together with one addressed to Evadne, he enclosed both in a
large envelope which he sealed and addressed to Judge Hildreth,
Marlborough, Mass. Then he leaned back in his chair, and, clasping his
hands behind his head, looked fixedly at the pic... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Well, Methusaleh, where are you off to now?" and Lenox Hildreth leaned
against a flower wreathed pillar in lazy amusement.
"To camp-meetin', Mass Hildreff. I hez your permission, sah?" and the
negro rolled his eyes with a ludicrous expression of humility.
His master laughed with the easy indulgence which made his ser... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
For an instant the negro was nonplused, then the palm-leaf was
flourished grandiloquently, while its owner said in a voice of withering
scorn,--
"Laws! Mass Hildreff, do yer spose I'se goin' ter neglec' de Lawd fer
one lil' turkey?"
His master turned on his heel with a low laugh. "Of a piece with the
whole of them!" h... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Her color glowed softly through the olive skin. She threw her arms
around his neck and laid her face against his breast. "You know better!"
she exclaimed passionately. "You know I wouldn't leave you for all the
'some ones' in the world!"
Her father caught her close. "Poor little lass!" he said with a sigh.
The girl li... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"It is only the heat," he answered lightly. "We had a pretty stiff walk
this morning, you know."
"And I carried you on and on!" she cried reproachfully. "I was so
anxious to find this particular crab. Isn't he a pretty fellow?" and she
lifted the box that her father might watch the tiny creature's play. "I
shall go at... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Evadne watched it, sitting on the top step of the veranda, her white
muslin dress in happy contrast with the deep green of the vines which
clustered thickly about the pillar against which she leaned. On the step
below her a young man sat. He too was clad in white and the rich crimson
of the silken scarf which he wore ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
He struck a few chords and was beginning his song when a low groan made
him spring to his feet. Evadne passed him like a flash of light and flew
to her father's side. He was leaning heavily against a pillar with his
handkerchief, already showing crimson stains, pressed tightly against his
lips.
They laid him gently do... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Why, no, dear. Of course I didn't mean that. But these things are bound
to happen to us all, sooner or later, you know. It is the rule of life."
"'The law of progression,'" she said with a dreary laugh. "I wish the
world would stop for good!"
When the clergyman came she met him quietly, and he found himself not a
lit... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
The covers were being changed for the second course when a servant
entered and approached the Judge, bearing a cablegram upon a silver
salver. He ran his eyes hastily over its contents, then he leaned back
heavily against his chair, while an expression of genuine sorrow settled
down upon his face.
"Your Uncle Lenox is... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Louis whistled. "A little less Grundy and a little more geography would
be to your advantage, Isabelle! Barbadoes happens to be the crème de la
crème of the British Indies. I would not advise you to display your
ignorance before Evadne, or your future lecturettes on the
conventionalities may prove lacking in vital for... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
She started to find that the Bishop's lady was speaking to her. Evadne
recognized her, for she sat at the next table, and several times she had
stood aside to let her pass to her seat. Something about the solitary,
pathetic little figure, the hopeless face and mournful grey eyes, had
won the compassion of the good lad... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Charlotte," said her husband when she reached her stateroom, "I have
arrived at an important decision this afternoon. I have finally
concluded to take the Socinian Heresy as my theme for the noon lectures.
The subject will admit of elaborate treatment and afford ample scope for
scholarship."
"Heresy!" echoed his wife... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
She nestled down among the soft robes of the sleigh while the silver
bells rang merrily through the frosty air. It was all so new and
strange. A leaden weight seemed to be settling down upon her heart and
she felt as if she were choking, but she threw it off. She dared not let
herself think. She began to talk rapidly.... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Isabelle stood beside her as she began to prepare for the night. She
wished she would go away. The burden of loneliness grew every moment
more intolerable. Suddenly she turned towards her cousin and cried in
desperation,--
"Can _you_ tell me where I shall find Jesus Christ?"
Isabelle started. "My goodness, Evadne, wha... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Standing there, leaning upon a gun, a boy of about seventeen looked long
at a squirrel whose mangled body was staining the emerald beauty of the
moss with crimson. His face was earnest and troubled, while the
expression of sorrowful contempt which swept over it, made him seem
older than he was. It was a strong face, w... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Then he knelt, and scooping out a grave, laid the little creature to
rest at the foot of a tree in whose trunk the remnant of its winter
store of nuts was carefully garnered. When at length he turned to
leave the spot the tiny grave was marked by a pine slab, on which was
pencilled,
"Here lies the germ of a resolve.... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Well, Primrose, old lady, you're as dainty as your namesake, and as
sweet. Ah, Sylph, you beauty!" he continued, as a calf like a young fawn
approached the gate, "you can't rest away from your mammy, can you?
Primrose, have you any aspirations, or are you content simply to eat and
drink? You have a good time of it no... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Sultan lazy!" and John laughed incredulously. "That's a good joke! Why,
he is the freest horse on the place!"
"Well, I don't know how else to explain it. He's been on the go pretty
steadily, but what's a horse good for? Thursday afternoon we had our
cross-country run and the ground was horribly stiff. I thought he ha... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Reginald brought the bandage and then stood moodily striking at a beetle
with his riding whip. He was turning away when a hand with a grip of
steel was laid on his shoulder and he was forced back to where the
beetle lay, a shapeless mass of quivering agony, while a low stern voice
exclaimed,--
"Finish your work! Even ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"'The light of life,'" he repeated slowly. "Why, to most people life
seems all darkness! What is 'the light of life'?"
Still other words came stealing to his memory. 'I am the way, the truth,
and the life, no one cometh unto the Father, but by me.' 'Except ye
turn, and become as little children, ye shall in no wise en... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"I'm afraid not, Nan. The river is so deep, we'll have to swim for it.
That is why I chose Neptune, you see."
"Me's not 'fraid, wiv 'oo, Don."
"Better wait, Baby, till the river is low. Well, come along then," as
the wily schemer drew down her pretty lips into the aggrieved curve
which always conquered his big, soft h... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"I declare, John, you're a regular algebraic puzzle!" he exclaimed later
in the day, as he stood beside John in the carpenter's shop, watching
the curling strips of wood which his plane was tossing off with sweeping
strokes. "You put all there is of you into everything you do. You take
as much pains over a plough hand... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"And who should a man please but himself, I should like to know?"
"Jesus Christ."
* * * * *
"Upon my word!" said Reginald some weeks later, as he came upon John
sitting astride a cobbler's bench busily mending a pair of shoes, while
Nan looked on admiringly. "Do you learn a new trade eve... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"All right," he said quietly, and started for the field.
"I declare!" muttered Reginald, as he watched the tall, lithe form
cross the field with springing step, "you might as well try to make the
fellow mad now, as to storm Gibraltar! What has come to him?"
"Here you are, Sir Reginald," said John good-humoredly, as he... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Sultan, old boy, we seem down on our luck this morning. We had better
take a speeder to raise our spirits. It is hardly the thing for Judge
Hawthorne of Hollywood to envy John Randolph his humdrum life of mending
rakes and shoes," and he urged his horse into a mad gallop.
* * * * *
"I b... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Did you really know my father?" she asked at length.
"Laws, yes, Missy!" and Pompey's honest black face grew tender with
sympathy. "Mass Lennux stayed with the Jedge 'fore he went ter
Barbadoes, an' he spen' powerful sight of his time out here wid me an'
de horses. He wuz allers del'cut,--warn't able ter do nothin' i... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
A great joy transfigured the black face.
"He is my Frien'," he said simply.
Evadne leaned forward eagerly. "Oh, Pompey, if that is true, then you
can help me find him."
Pompey smiled joyously. "Miss 'Vadney don't need ter go far away fer
dat. He is right here."
"Here!" echoed Evadne faintly.
"Lo, I am wid you all de d... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"It is ridiculous, absurd!" he exclaimed impatiently. "Just of a piece
with all of Len's quixotic theories. By what possible chance could a
child of that age know how to manage money? She would make ducks and
drakes of the whole business in less than a year!"
A letter addressed to Evadne lay upon the pile of age-worn ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"That would be awkward, in case the bottom fell out of the mine. A
little capital in hand would give you a chance to water the Panhattan
stock and develop a new lead in the Silverwing."
"If you use money that does not belong to you, you will be a thief!"
"If you do not use it, you will be a pauper. You have paper out ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Sometimes she would sit for hours with the stately cat upon her knee,
thinking, thinking, thinking, while Pompey sang his favorite hymns about
his work and the mellow strains floated up the stairway and soothed her
lonely heart. His childlike faith became to her a tower of refuge, and
often, when bewildered by life's ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Isabelle elevated her eyebrows with a look of horror.
Louis laughed. "She's a hopeless case, Isabelle. You'll never convert
her into an elegant trifler. You might as well throw up the contract."
"It seems to me, Evadne," said his sister icily, "that you might have a
little regard for the decorums of society. Don't, I ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"But they do not make the church any more sociable," said Marion boldly,
who, having struck for freedom of thought, was following up her
advantage. "The same people take part every time and the others are left
outside."
"Nonsense!" said Isabelle hotly. "It is only those who cannot afford to
take part, and think what a... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Well," said Isabelle, "I don't think there is any doubt that Doctor
Jerome is the most popular preacher in the city. He is going to preach
next Sunday on the moral progress of social sciences, and next month he
commences his series of sermons on the social problems of the day. He
does take such an interest in sociolo... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
As they left the city behind them and the road swept out into the open,
she gave a long sigh of delight. Her uncle laughed.
"Well, Evadne, does it please you?"
"It is the first time I have felt as if I could breathe," she said.
"So you don't take kindly to Marlborough? Well, I suppose it is a rude
awakening from your ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Papa always went with me," she said slowly, "whatever he liked I
chose."
Judge Hildreth gave a sigh of relief. He had extricated himself from a
difficult position with diplomatic skill. It did not occur to him that a
lie which is half the truth is the meanest kind of a lie. He had
acquainted his niece with all that w... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
Everything spoke of contentment and comfort and peace. An unutterable
longing seized upon the lonely girl. Here at least she would have God's
creatures to love, and his woods and the sky! She laid her head down
upon the gate with a smothered cry.
"If I only belonged,--like the cows!"
"Pitty lady!"
Startled by the swee... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"Life!" he said, and there was a strange, exultant ring in his voice.
"Life is a beautiful possibility."
There was no time for more, but in the spirit realm of kinship no
multitude of words is needed. Only a few moments had passed, yet in that
little space two souls had met. What did it matter if the devious
turnings ... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 | |
"I do think Dorothy Bruce is the kindest creature!" exclaimed Marion one
Saturday morning as they lingered with a pleasant sense of leisure over
the breakfast table. "She offered to give up the whole of to-day to me.
I thought it was lovely when she works so hard all the week."
"Give it up to you. Why, what do you mea... | A Beautiful Possibility | Black, Edith Ferguson | 1857 | 1936 | ['en'] | 23 | {'Orphans -- Fiction', 'Christian life -- Fiction'} | PG10037 |
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