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| humor
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Why don't blind people skydive? it scares the fuck out of the dog.
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Why did the baker go to work? he kneaded the dough!
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What do you get if you cross a phone with a rooster? a wake-up call!
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Some day, canada will take over the world. and then we'll all be sorry.
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Rudy giuliani: trump is 'greatest victory for people of america since andrew jackson'
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Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. i'd look out the window for that.
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Hey websites, i will always skip intro, so knock it off.
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‘late show’ imagines donald trump adjusting to life after steve bannon
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Tales of presidential transition woe, with the associated press
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What do you call someone who's studied old norse literature and become an expert. well edda-cated.
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This guy's instagram account is the definition of #thirdwheelgoals
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Sen. cotton may think guantanamo and hell are different. my client does not.
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What's a horse's favorite dance the neigh neigh
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10 reality shows that embraced the adventure of the open road
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Do deaf people have a right to a fair hearing?
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What does a can of tuna say? premium flaked tuna best before dd/mm/yy
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What do you call an arrogant criminal walking down the stairs? a condescending con descending.
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Looks like putin will be having turkey for thanksgiving
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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-two year olds? there are twenty of them.
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What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft? a-flat-minor
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'suicide squad' made its bed with a key donald trump supporter
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First caribou: what kind of math do owls like? second caribou: owlgebra.
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Lgbtq community: it's more important to vote now than ever before
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Iran arrests fashion models in social media crackdown
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I'm not allowed at the gym anymore because i dropped my chili dog on the treadmill
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Hilarious: 5 ways in which parents put us through tortures during our childhood!
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Festivus 2016: here are some of the grievances we're airing this year
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I don't drink water anymore, not after what it did to the grand canyon
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Dreamers are our students and we must protect them
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Picking the perfect disney resort for you (photos)
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What do you call a puppy with a camera? a furtographer
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I had to use my glasses when playing tennis. because its a no contact sport.
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Q. what's a man's idea of honestly in a relationship? a. telling you his real name.
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My productivity at work has gone down 43% since corporate bought me a swivel chair.
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Joy management: how to have a great week
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Nuart aberdeen 2017 already has locals saying 'haste ye back!'
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What do you call a fear of alkaline? a ph-obia
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5 tips so you can finally write your memoir
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What does a woman trucker and a hockey team have in common? they both shower after 3 periods!
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5 quick parenting tips to save your sanity
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Everything you need to know about turkey (gifs)
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Here is powerful proof that abusive words are literally weapons
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Nypd sergeant in eric garner's death faces departmental charges
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What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk? a milk dud!
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Why do leprechauns laugh when they run? because the grass tickles their balls.
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Tweeting with an egg avatar is like showing up to a job interview in a sweatsuit.
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Pat benatar style evolution: from animal print leotards to black two-piece suits (photos)
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Gop lawmaker pushes white house to aid allies in islamic state fight
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Did you hear about the woman with guns for tits? she was pretty barrel-chested.
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What does a tech geek say when they're taking a shit? clearing my cache.
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Michigan tells gay couples their marriages basically 'never existed'
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Americans don't really care about typhoon haiyan, study says
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Mom says 2-year-old son’s death triggered her gambling addiction: ‘i blame myself for his death’
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Fellas; there's no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.
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The two secrets of life 1. don't tell everyone everything you know.
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Paul ryan shrugs off donald trump's claim about the media downplaying terrorist attacks
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What's the difference between jam and marmalade? you can't marmalade your dick down a girls throat.
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How do dogs enjoy sex? they like it ruff.
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*uses public restroom **squats so long walks out with buns of steel
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Why is a miscarriage like a shitty pizza? they're both cold upon delivery.
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Everyone was dreaming of working for steve jobs except his pancreas
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Why is it called a living room? don't we live in every room?
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Almost every comedian you love is in this trailer
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See emma watson's glorious 'harry potter' reunion with costars
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Roses are red. violets are blue. if he's busy on valentine's day, the side chic is you.
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What to wear to a wedding -- guest outfits for weddings
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John oliver calls out the academy for hypocrisy after weinstein decision
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Gop lawmaker on rob porter abuse allegations: 'why are we still talking about it?'
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A man who took an airline company to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.
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Why does felix baumgartner needs parachute.. when red bull gives you wings.
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House sets up vote on flint funding in bid to avert government shutdown
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Where do star wars rebel officers eat? the admiral snackbar.
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In 2005, the gop apologized for exploiting racial polarization
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Love your former self, even if she doesn't make it easy
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Check out 100 years of drag kings and male impersonation in two minutes
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Wife asked what was on the tv... i said dust. that's when the fight started.
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Why did the skeleton's dick float? because he had a hollow weenie.
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Gop lawmaker injured in congressional baseball shooting calls for greater security
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How did the farmer feel after he ripped his clothing? let's just say he felt overall sadness.
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Rihanna. sorry, i put the punch line in the tittle.
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The lesson i learned from the gift of a pumpkin: how to find family fun on halloween
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Why do penguins never go to england? because they're afraid of wales!
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I'm very keen i could tell he was bald at the drop of a hat.
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28 pieces from 2015 that should be required reading for women
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Right-wing media politicize murder of nypd officer to attack black lives matter, hillary, and obama
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Huffpost rise: what you need to know on june 8
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Why are asymptomatic cardiology patients so trustworthy? because they can't tell afib
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Why do you never play hide & seek with mountains? mountains peak.
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Mark wahlberg jokes about will ferrell’s drinking at golden globes
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I've never vaccinated any of my kids... i just pay the pediatrician to do it.
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Cash dying as credit card payments predicted to grow in volume: report
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Giving me a milkbone after sex does not make it doggy style
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon? there was no atmosphere
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Daddy, how do stars die? why do you ask, sun?
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Nypd cop didn't use excessive force in fatal shooting, jury finds
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Hell has free wifi but no outlets for phone chargers.
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Where do cows like to live? st. moo-is.
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You know how horny the romans were back then? for fuck's sake, they even nailed jesus!
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I ordered some glue online but it hasn't arrived yet must have gotten stuck in the post.
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Julep ta da! quick dry drops dries nail polish super fast
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