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hackers who are loosely organized around a network of computer bulletin |
boards. However, tragedy struck the meeting when the hacker named Evil Jay |
tricked another hacker, Suicidal Nightmare, into entering the room belonging |
to Broadway Hacker. Suicidal Nightmare was found in the parking lot with a |
torn anus. |
As if this wasn't bad enough, Broadway Hacker then went wild and began trying |
to molest the smallest hackers there. He could be seen chasing Kango Kid |
while screaming about a flaming mailbox and rubbing his genital area. |
Other problems arose from the hackers meeting. Several people were arrested |
for possession of cannibus and illegal possession of alcohol. The other |
charges included: |
o Intoxicated Pedestrian |
o Disturbing the Peace |
o Contributing to the delinquency of a minor |
o Failure to yield at stop sign |
o No turn signal |
o Theft of telephones |
o Verbally harassing telephone operators |
As you can see, these computer 'hackers' have no morals and decency and should |
not be allowed to meet. |
(C) Post Dispatch 2050 |
Written by Jack Meoff |
______________________________________________________________________________ |
Name: Knight Lightning |
Phreak World Crippled; SummerCon Causes Despair June 22, 1987 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
Today, the phreak world was astounded and dealt a horrifying blow as all the |
phreaks who attended SummerCon left with their entire phreak knowledge |
literally erased from their minds due to an excess of drinking and other |
unknown mind altering substances. It is unknown as to if these effects are |
temporary or a life-long destruction. |
Anarchy World Takes Charge June 23, 1987 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
MetalliBashers Inc. have become the new "LOD" of the modem world since all of |
the LOD members no longer can even remember what LOD stands for (in fact, no |
one can, and forget I mentioned it!). With MBI taking charge, the new wave of |
the modem world has turned strictly anarchy, although there are rumors of |
various pirating organizations beginning to unload new wares soon. |
Investigators Lose Jobs! June 24, 1987 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
John Maxfield reportedly lost ALL contracts today when it was discovered that |
the phreak/hack community was completely destroyed, thus no one needed |
protection from them. He has now taken a job with the local sanitation |
management firm to help figure out what to do with all the garbage now that |
the phreak community wasn't stealing 1/3 of it anymore. |
______________________________________________________________________________ |
Name: Evil Jay |
Suicidal Nightmare - History June 23, 1987 |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
Suicidal Nightmare met death head on when Evil Jay knocked on his door |
pretending to be a lineman checking on his line. Once inside, Jay proceeded |
to swing a hand set at him with amazing accuracy. Once dragged outside, Jay |
then proceeded to tie Suicidal naked to a tree and call the ever-lovin' |
Broadway Hacker over to do his stuff. Jay was last heard pleading insanity. |
Suicidal Nightmare remains in intensive care, and Broadway Hacker is happy. |
______________________________________________________________________________ |
That is the last of the news reports, now on with "Those Amazing Acronyms...!" |
______________________________________________________________________________ |
Name: Doom Prophet |
FUCK-Facilities Utilization Control Kitchen. A really hot office. They keep |
backups of all systems per a LATA, or in special cases, the entire BOC |
area, along with user logs and passwords. They use the CUNTLICK system |
to interface with SHIT, explained momentarily. They are difficult to |
reach as no one knows their number, and anyone calling it has to enter a |
special queue dispenser where he enters routing information to reach the |
FUCK ACD. The FUCK technicians answer as normal subscribers and you have |
to tell them a codeword. |
PENIS-Plant Engineering Network Information System. Used by the PMS to deal |
with outside plant details and layout maps. |
CUNTLICK-Computer Utilities Network In the Control Kitchen. Used to sensor |
with SHIT. |
SHIT-Supreme Hardware Inventory Totals. Self explanatory. |
CRAP-Customer Repair Analysis Service. They use PENIS to supply PMS with |
info. |
PISS-Primary Intertoll Switching Servicemen. Co-ordinate classes 1 through 4 |
toll offices and monitor the STP's. |
BITCH-Building Installation Table Channel. Used by SHIT technicians to obtain |
new switch and office status. |
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