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hackers who are loosely organized around a network of computer bulletin
boards. However, tragedy struck the meeting when the hacker named Evil Jay
tricked another hacker, Suicidal Nightmare, into entering the room belonging
to Broadway Hacker. Suicidal Nightmare was found in the parking lot with a
torn anus.
As if this wasn't bad enough, Broadway Hacker then went wild and began trying
to molest the smallest hackers there. He could be seen chasing Kango Kid
while screaming about a flaming mailbox and rubbing his genital area.
Other problems arose from the hackers meeting. Several people were arrested
for possession of cannibus and illegal possession of alcohol. The other
charges included:
o Intoxicated Pedestrian
o Disturbing the Peace
o Contributing to the delinquency of a minor
o Failure to yield at stop sign
o No turn signal
o Theft of telephones
o Verbally harassing telephone operators
As you can see, these computer 'hackers' have no morals and decency and should
not be allowed to meet.
(C) Post Dispatch 2050
Written by Jack Meoff
______________________________________________________________________________
Name: Knight Lightning
Phreak World Crippled; SummerCon Causes Despair June 22, 1987
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today, the phreak world was astounded and dealt a horrifying blow as all the
phreaks who attended SummerCon left with their entire phreak knowledge
literally erased from their minds due to an excess of drinking and other
unknown mind altering substances. It is unknown as to if these effects are
temporary or a life-long destruction.
Anarchy World Takes Charge June 23, 1987
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MetalliBashers Inc. have become the new "LOD" of the modem world since all of
the LOD members no longer can even remember what LOD stands for (in fact, no
one can, and forget I mentioned it!). With MBI taking charge, the new wave of
the modem world has turned strictly anarchy, although there are rumors of
various pirating organizations beginning to unload new wares soon.
Investigators Lose Jobs! June 24, 1987
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John Maxfield reportedly lost ALL contracts today when it was discovered that
the phreak/hack community was completely destroyed, thus no one needed
protection from them. He has now taken a job with the local sanitation
management firm to help figure out what to do with all the garbage now that
the phreak community wasn't stealing 1/3 of it anymore.
______________________________________________________________________________
Name: Evil Jay
Suicidal Nightmare - History June 23, 1987
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Suicidal Nightmare met death head on when Evil Jay knocked on his door
pretending to be a lineman checking on his line. Once inside, Jay proceeded
to swing a hand set at him with amazing accuracy. Once dragged outside, Jay
then proceeded to tie Suicidal naked to a tree and call the ever-lovin'
Broadway Hacker over to do his stuff. Jay was last heard pleading insanity.
Suicidal Nightmare remains in intensive care, and Broadway Hacker is happy.
______________________________________________________________________________
That is the last of the news reports, now on with "Those Amazing Acronyms...!"
______________________________________________________________________________
Name: Doom Prophet
FUCK-Facilities Utilization Control Kitchen. A really hot office. They keep
backups of all systems per a LATA, or in special cases, the entire BOC
area, along with user logs and passwords. They use the CUNTLICK system
to interface with SHIT, explained momentarily. They are difficult to
reach as no one knows their number, and anyone calling it has to enter a
special queue dispenser where he enters routing information to reach the
FUCK ACD. The FUCK technicians answer as normal subscribers and you have
to tell them a codeword.
PENIS-Plant Engineering Network Information System. Used by the PMS to deal
with outside plant details and layout maps.
CUNTLICK-Computer Utilities Network In the Control Kitchen. Used to sensor
with SHIT.
SHIT-Supreme Hardware Inventory Totals. Self explanatory.
CRAP-Customer Repair Analysis Service. They use PENIS to supply PMS with
info.
PISS-Primary Intertoll Switching Servicemen. Co-ordinate classes 1 through 4
toll offices and monitor the STP's.
BITCH-Building Installation Table Channel. Used by SHIT technicians to obtain
new switch and office status.